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kurt-wagner-official · 1 year ago

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Post 77: Longshot issues 4-6

In his fight with the demons last night, Longshot accidentally caused a blackout all over New York, because Con Ed was I guess the power plant? The company was very vague but I guess that was the point. To repay the citizens of New York, he’s walking around trying to hand people the diamonds he took. He doesn’t realize that the cops and multiple superheroes are after him for his accidental heist. After a few little vignettes of handing out diamonds, he’s tracked down by She-Hulk, who attacks him. We cut back to Longshot’s home dimension, where we’re introduced to the most powerful of the Spineless Ones, Mojo. Mojo is one of my favorite villains; he’s absolutely batshit insane and makes no sense most of the time, but under a god writer he’s disgusting, sinister, and funny all at once. We get some exposition through his conversation with his assistant Major Domo (who may or may not have feelings of gay love for him). The Spineless Ones rule the demons of this universe, and genetically engineered Longshot’s slave race based on mythical imagery that the demons have. When Spiral’s group returns, they tell Mojo that humans are real and the runaway has found freedom among them. Mojo and Spiral return to Earth to find him. She takes him to Rita. When Mojo sees how similar humans really are to Longshot, he decides they need to kill him before he can return and tell the other slaves that they’re real. Meanwhile, Longshot thinks She-Hulk is one of the demons that’s been attacking him, and he flees. He’s next attacked by Spider-Man. It’s only a brief fight scene ending in another escape, but I love Ann Nocenti’s Spidey. Longshot next runs into some kids that he gave diamonds to earlier. They traded the diamonds for a gun, which gives Longshot flashbacks to trying and failing to lead a revolution that ended with his mindwipe. The kids lead him to the monster that they got the gun to defend themselves from, which turns out to be Pup. He’s been killing people and through his vague demon powers absorbing the magic of the world, which is why he’s been mutating and is now huge. He tells Longshot that his name is Gog N’MaGog and that he’s finally ready to kill him and attacks.

Gog beats up Longshot while monologuing about how his luck is Gog’s bad luck. He was a tracker slave who was brought into this dimension to find Longshot, and he’s stuck around out of pure spite to kill him. Longshot begins to believe him and give up, but another alien, named Quark and looking like a goat man, shows up. He seems to be a friend of Longshot’s and has his own luck powers, but Longshot has no idea what to believe anymore and runs off, leaving them to fight each other. Longshot starts questioning if he’s real or not, and forces himself to flashback to long ago, when he was younger and had a vision that led him to an alien named Arize. Arize told Longshot the history of their world. In the beginning, there were the Only Ones, a bunch of aliens living in the mud. Arize built them all spines and raised their species up to build a society, but some of them refused spines and declared themselves rulers over the Spined Ones. They enslaved Arize and forced him to engineer the slave race, but he built in a secret weapon- Longshot’s luck that would eventually allow him to lead a revolution. In the present, Longshot goes to look for Rita, but Mojo and Spiral have taken her and disappeared into the spacetime continuum to find Longshot. Doctor Strange finds Longshot, having been tracking the interdimensional auras. He tells Longshot that needs his help to find and defeat Gog. They track him down with magic and luck and find that he’s absorbed more power than before. Longshot doesn’t want to hurt his friend, but Doctor Strange tells him that they have to to save the world from him. Doctor Strange floods Gog with magic, almost overloading him with power, and Longshot throws one of his knives (he has a bunch of those by the way, I don’t think I’ve mentioned) at his old friend, causing his now magically bloated body to explode. Quark shows up right after the battle and tells Strange and Longshot that Longshot was a revolutionary and a hero until the Spineless Ones removed that part of his mind. But Longshot is rediscovering it, and vows to save Rita and take down Mojo. Quark warns him that their luck will soon run out, because it can’t come from nothing and will eventually be balanced, but Longshot is optimistic and determined.

Mojo tells Spiral he has a new plan: enslave the Earth. He uses his own magical powers to mind control a bunch of people to redecorate a church to worship him. He gets his powers from being worshipped, and this monument to him will increase that. Meanwhile, our trio of heroes find Rita, who Mojo returned to her apartment as a message to summon Longshot to him. After being forced to look at the dimension between spacetime, Rita has retreated into her own mind completely. Doctor Strange can sense that it’s Longshot’s fate to confront Mojo, so he takes Rita back to his Sanctum while Longshot and Quark go after their former master. Quark tells Longshot that their revolution back home was completely hopeless, but Longshot says with luck on their side they’ll defeat Mojo and return home to save their dimension too. Quark tells him he’s an idiot, but they’re interrupted by Mojo, who attacks them. He quickly realizes that after pouring so much of his power into the church he’s redecorating, he’s weak when away from that source, so Longshot quickly overpowers him. He can’t bring himself to kill the villain, though, and Mojo flees again. Longshot and Quark call Strange to tell him what Mojo said about the church, and he tells them they need to destroy it to stop Mojo. Mojo has turned the church into an alien tower that resembles the ones from his home dimension. Longshot goes to confront him, not sure if he can kill him but hoping he can scare him out of this dimension. Quark is conflicted. He hates Mojo but doesn’t think he can be beaten. He also doesn’t want to stay on Earth where he’s an alien. But as he launches a bunch of missiles to destroy the tower, he makes a promise to himself to try to emulate Longshot’s optimism and commits to heroism. Meanwhile, Doctor Strange makes his return with the now healed Rita and opens a portal, which Longshot kicks Mojo into. In theory, he’ll now be lost in the void, but Spiral jumps in after him to guide him back home. Longshot tells Rita that he has to go back to liberate his people, and she says she’s coming too. The two of them, along with Quark, head through the portal to face their destiny.

I absolutely adored this mini. I was worried that revisiting the character all these years later wouldn’t live up to my childhood memories of Longshot, but I think I find him more fascinating now than I did back then. He’s such an interesting character study. When you take person and strip away everything about them, what happens? Nocenti argues that, after a lot of existential crises about whether you exist, you’ll eventually find your way back to the person you are. We’re introduced to Longshot as a friendly optimist, and at first you might think that’s just cause he has the knowledge of a child. And while he is very naïve and confused, we also learn that in his past life, he was already an idealistic hero and leader. He goes on two parallel journeys of self discovery, one in the philosophical sense and one in the literal gathering clues and info sense, and discovers that they both lead to the same place. In the increasingly gritty world of comics, it’s nice to see a character who even in the face of all that chooses optimism. He also has I think the most interesting luck powers in comics with the idea that luck is an energy he can manipulate but cannot create or destroy. He can get really lucky but he can also lose because Spiral threw some dirt to distract Rita so she could jump in after Mojo at the end. The supporting cast are all pretty simple archetypes, but it really works for a book from the perspective of a guy with no perspective. Something that’s really interesting about this book in hindsight is the role of the media metaphor. It’s really only briefly touched on that in Longshot’s dimension (which is later called Mojoworld but is currently unnamed) society is ruled by entertainment. Longshot and many other slaves were bred to be movie stars in battles staged for the amusement of the Spineless Ones. Longshot having his identity wiped is a metaphor for how Hollywood and the pursuit of fame can steal your soul. It’s reflected in the director of the movie in issue 2, who just saw Longshot and Rita as expendable pieces of entertainment. We can also see Longshot’s struggle in the brief appearance of that movie’s lead actress. Every day she spends hours in the makeup chair so she can look exactly like she did decades ago when she first got into show business. Neither she nor her adoring public will let her be a person who grows and changes; every day she needs to be reset to the blank slate full of potential that she became famous for being. One of the scenes I kinda skipped over was the introduction of those kids in issue 4. Just before they ran into Longshot, their mother was upset with them for carrying toy guns, but their father said that it’s wise and important to carry fake guns for protection. He said the illusion of safety is all you need, but then the kids take his advice by getting a real gun. Which now that I type it out I realize doesn’t have much to do with the other stuff but it is something about illusions. And it’s mirrored in the ending when Quark activates a bunch of missiles to give the illusion of a large army firing on Mojo. Back the point I was originally making: the stuff about Mojo forcing his slaves to put on shows for his entertainment is one of the many facets of the conflict and themes in this story, but pretty much every subsequent Mojo story is about being forced into a tv show that our heroes have to escape. Those stories still explores the themes of reality and free will that this mini is fascinated with, but not from all the simultaneous angles that Nocenti finds, and I think that’s something they’re definitely lacking. That also means that in a lot of stories, Mojo’s characterization is just whatever that writer thinks is wrong with Hollywood at that time. Which again, isn’t necessarily a bad approach, but it’s not as interesting as the multiple angles approached in this book. Visually, he might be the most blatant metaphor in all of comics. He has no spine, and he’s carried around by mechanical spider legs built by slaves. He has wires on his face that pull his eyelids open permanently but he still fails to notice crucial details like Longshot’s escape. He’s very crafty and plans several steps ahead, but he’s also cookoo bananas and changes and/or forgets those plans on a whim. He’s powered by the worship of commoners, but he also tricks those people into worshipping him in the first place, not unlike certain billionaires I could name. And even if you ignore all of that, sometimes the best comic book villain is just a fucked up guy who looks and acts weird and wants to kill somebody. There’s another villain on display here: Spiral. In a few years, a pretty huge retcon involving a whole bunch of time travel and nineties logic will retcon her to be a future version of Ricochet Rita, but I prefer her as presented here, another genetically engineered slave of Mojo’s. Unlike his leading man Longshot, Mojo intentionally fucked up Spiral to give her extra arms so she couldn’t fit in. She and Mojo have such a funny dynamic; deadpan sarcastic Spiral being fed up with Mojo’s crap is much more interesting than when she shows up on her own in Uncanny. She’s like a version of Longshot who Mojo was able to break completely, so even though she hates him she remains loyal. It’s also implied that she and Longshot have a romantic history. The Rita retcon doesn’t take any of those elements away, but I do think that as a foil she works a little better thematically when she’s also a creation of Mojo. From the ending of this book, there’s clearly a lot of story left to be told, and a lot of writers will pick up those threads, but I wonder what a follow-up mini from Nocenti and Adams might have looked like. Overall, this was a great read, probably my favorite miniseries of the whole era, and an excellent introduction to some of my favorite characters.

#wes reads xmen

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mytwilightimagines13 · 3 years ago

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Pet (Part Fourteen)

Masterlist Pet Masterlist Rules Prompt list

Headcanon requests: Open Imagine requests: Closed Prompt list requests: Open Canon questions: Open Taglist: Open

Taglist: @aro-is-gay-af @vamp-army @raindancer2004 @like-rain-or-confetti @volturidoll13 @kpopgirlbtssvt @avyannadawn @alexavolturisblog @alecvolturiswifeforever @imaginetwilight2704 @develin13 @wallwriterstuff @volturiwolf @marcusofthevolturi

Word count: 1.668

14th of December 2006, Volterra, Italy

Weeks passed by and soon the sticky warmth of summer turned into that coolness of Autumn. And a few weeks later, when December had arrived, the rain increased significantly along with the cold. The castle, that was pleasantly cool in the summer, was immensely cold in the winter. Thankfully for me, I no longer was obliged to wear the short dresses as I no longer was the secretary, but they still would appreciate it when I did. The past few months had been mostly filled by me learning all there is about the vampire world. Mostly by the kings and queens as they had been alive for around 3.000 years and new almost anything about how the word had changed, how the vampires had influenced those changes and soon they would teach me all about the other creatures roaming these lands or those who had once roamed here.

“It is quite easy. Just make sure no appointments clash. Make sure to keep feeding times in mind. The Masters, Mistresses and elite guard feed once every week on Mondays, while the rest of the guard feeds in groups every other week on Friday's. Feeding time is always between 13:00 and 15:00, and during those times you are prohibited from entering the throne room.” I explain to the new secretary, the third one since I retired from my position. Her name was Veronica, yet I didn't think she was the right one either for this job, just a pretty face like the last two were. She had beautiful dark skin and eyes that were almost black that complimented her black hair. Over all she was gorgeous, but I am not sure if she would fit for this job. Oh well, time will tell. “Do you have any more questions for me, Veronica?” I asked kindly. She returned the smile almost enthusiastic. “Thank you, Miss Mandy. I think I understand.” she said politely. I was still slightly taken back by the fact the secretaries called me ��Miss’ now. It wasn't necessary for me but especially the kings and queens insisted on it. Claiming I was above the secretaries and other humans now. It was nonsense in my opinion, yet every time I tried protesting to it only ended up with me being spanked, kissed or fucked on the spot, so I had stopped complaining about it. Vampire truly were thick headedly stubborn when they make up their minds. “I am glad to hear that. If you do need me, I can usually be found in the library, my room or the Masters’ combined living quarters. Goodluck.” I said before turning around and making my way to the throne room. Caius and Athenodora would be teaching me about their war against the werewolves. One the couple had started centuries ago before even joining the Volturi.

Once I reached the heavy doors, I knocked on them and before I knew it, they were opened by Demetri and Felix, both with large smiles on their faces. “Micetta! We were starting to get worried that you might fancy spending time with the new secretary over us.” Demetri said in a playful mocking tone. I heard Heidi snort and a growl of annoyance from one of the queens. I giggled and pecked his lips as a greeting. “Never.” I quickly pecked Felix’ lips as well before moving Heidi who wrapped her arms around me and kissed me shortly but passionately, leaving my head spinning a bit. I quickly moved towards the kings and queens who were all gathered around a table in the corner of the throne room that was covered in many books in many different languages, both old and new. The kings all looked very handsome in their black suits. Aro and Caius were wearing a bloodred tie while Marcus’ tie was as black as his suit. The queens looked beautiful as always. Sulpicia was dressed in a gorgeous bloodred dress that seemed to be made out of liquid as it flowed around her tall frame. Athenodora, on the other hand, wore a dress made out of emerald green fabric that seemed to be very cosy yet expensive. Both their skirts reached just above their ankles while matching shoes and jewellery made their looks complete. I quickly pecked Aro and Sulpicia on their lips before moving to Marcus. He stood up and embraced me first before pecking my lips, making me blush a bit and him chuckle. I first pecked Caius on the lips who gave me a kind smile and finally I turned my attention to Dora. She smiled brightly at me and pulled me onto her lap. Her hand cupped my cheek and she kissed me quickly yet deeply. “I am glad you are not lost. Caius and I started to worry that you indeed fancied the new woman's company above ours.” she said with a playful pout. “Of course not, Mistress.” I said loyally making her pout turn into a grin. “Good, good. Now, let us start with today's lesson on the war against werewolves... And the reason why the goddess Athena was named after me.” she said winking. “Really?” I asked surprised. “Oh yes. We saved a couple villages back in the old days by killing many of the werewolves during their attacks. We had to use special blades made out of silver that were laced with our venom. Not exactly for the faint of heart to make and dangerous if done wrong. The chemical reaction of the silver, steel and our venom could prove lethal for most humans when inhaled.” Caius started to explain and I was immediately hooked onto his lips while Dora held me close in her lap, her chin lightly resting on my shoulder with her nose buried in my lose curls. “Really? What happens to the humans who tried making those swords?” I asked curiously which only seemed to fuel Caius’ enthusiasm to continue his story. “The damp coming from the weapons while being forged could burn the skin and make it even melt away at its mere touch. When inhaled, it would burn the human their lungs from the inside out, making them suffocate in mere, agonising minutes. Eventually, we had only vampires craft these weapons, but they had to be careful, as silver is a very delicate metal and we vampires sometimes have difficult controlling our strength. Also, the blood would be contaminated so the humans, once come in contact with these damps, were no longer of use to us.” He explained. He was about to continue his story when he suddenly stopped and every vampire in the room seemed to be on edge. Their relaxed faces and stances I had come accustomed to melted away into the ones usually meant for outsiders. Someone was approaching, someone who was not an ally. In the blink of an eye, I was on the other side of the throne room behind the actual thrones along with Dora and Sulpicia. Caius still stood standing up but now with his back towards the door, same as Marcus while Aro remained seated casually reading his book. Dora had put me into the only chair in front of the small table while Sulpicia had quickly placed three books in front of us, to make it seem we were

busy. Both Athenodora and Sulpicia stood on either side of me, in a casual yet protective manner. I frowned slightly at their quick change in behaviour and spot but Sulpicia gave me a look that said to not ask questions at this moment. So, I didn't and pretended to read the book in front of me. Sadly, for me, it was written in what I guessed was ancient Greek and I had absolutely no idea what it said. The doors busted open as Santiago walked into the throne room followed by another vampire. Her hair was pale, pale blonde, almost silver. It hung straight as a ruler to a blunt edge at her chin, parted evenly down the centre. She was very pale as every other vampire yet her eyes were different. They were the same golden colour as Alice and Edward Cullen had. Was she from the same coven? Caius loudly closed his book, making me flint slightly before turning around. I didn't need to see his face to know his usual scowl had returned as I saw the vampire woman flinch in her spot. “What do you want?” he asked suspicious. The woman's golden eyes quickly flashed to every vampire in the room yet they lingered on my form a little longer. “Hm?” Caius asked again growing annoyed at the woman's lack of response. The woman seemed to regain herself again and took a step forward while Felix, Demetri and Santiago stood on both her sides and behind her, ready to attack at any moment. Heidi, I had now realised, was standing near us in a protective manner. Probably in case the woman did manage to escape the three male vampires around her and planned on attacking the queens. The woman's attention was now fully on the three kings. She straightened her back and tried to not make her voice tremple. “I have to report a crime.” she started, sorrow deeply in her golden eyes. “The Cullens-” she started, gaining the attention of all three the kings and both queens. “- they have done something...” she tried to find the right word for the Cullens’ their crime. “-Terrible.” she finally decided. Aro quickly shut his book and rushed towards her. “Allow me, my dear?” he asked, his voice as sweet as sugar and as velvet as cotton candy. I had completely forgotten about pretending to seem busy as I watched Aro intensely. Marcus made his way besides Aro, but glanced at me first, giving me a reassuring look before his face turned like stone again as he faced the woman. Aro had by now grabbed the woman's hand in his and a small gasp escaped his lips. “Oh my.”

#aro volturi #athenodora volturi #caius volturi #demetri volturi #felix volturi #heidi volturi #marcus volturi #sulpicia volturi #volturi #twilight #pet

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peregrinethegryphon · 3 years ago

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“A Better Life” Chapter Two

Fandom: The Lion King

Summary: A young, maned lioness named Tai is an outcast in her pride. But how might this change now that the old king is dead, and the new king has introduced some new friends? Takes place during the events of The Lion King.

Length: Four Chapters + Epilogue

Additional Tags: Drama, Found Family, Friendship, Bigotry, Mild Language, Original Characters, Intersex Character, Gay Character, Asexual Character, Aromantic Character, Canon Compliant

The Pridelands had seen two dry seasons since Scar took the throne, and nothing much had changed. Well, besides the lands being occupied by hyenas. And the pride were still not too pleased about it. Tai would still overhear snide remarks about them from the lionesses from time to time. That they were “mangy” and “stupid” and had “awful eating habits”. But the herds still roamed the lands, and the grass still grew for them to feed on, and the Circle of Life seemed to go on as usual. All except for one particular aspect: There had been no cubs. Sarafina stomped down from the caves of Pride rock to meet her pridesister, Naanda, at the bottom. “He blow you off, too?” Naanda asked. Sarafina sighed angrily. “What’s the point of having a king who won’t even sire the next generation? He’s useless, Naanda!” She sat down heavily. “Nala is already hunting on her own. I just want to be a mom again!” She lamented. “I know.” Naanda patted her shoulder. “I just talked to Sarabi. She’s sent Zazu to scan the borders for wandering males. Though I doubt anyone will want to come anywhere near these lands with so many hyenas running around.” Tai was listening from a short distance. She had been sunning herself with Ed asleep next to her. She had become good friends with many of the hyenas sense they first met, but Ed seemed to take to her most. No, he didn’t speak, but he was easy enough to understand to anyone who put in the effort. And he wasn’t stupid, despite what many thought. Though his brother, Banzai, was still protective of him. They braved the wilds together after being exiled from their birth clan, and before joining Shenzi’s. Turns out hyenas and lions really weren’t all that different in that aspect. Well, compared to most prides at least. Most prides exiled young males as soon as their manes came in. The point was to avoid inbreeding. This pride, though, the Jua Pride of the Pridelands, was founded on a system of monarchy. Sons of the monarch were allowed to stay, with the crown prince becoming the next ruler. And to keep the bloodline fresh, the lionesses were allowed to wander outside the territory to find rogues to sire their cubs. It was unusual, but it worked. The downside? Males in the Jua Pride had a lot more power and influence than those in other prides, sometimes at the expense of the lionesses. Tai watched Naanda and Sarafina walk off into the grasses. “You’d think he’d at least pick one of us to give him an heir. Not even Zira has gotten anywhere with him…” Was all she heard before they moved out of earshot. Tai would never understand the desire for cubs. It was a lifestyle she had rejected since she was a cub herself. And the adults constantly pestering her about how she’d “change her mind” when she got older only made her loath the idea more. Thankfully, everyone stopped hounding her when those first tufts of dark fur started appearing on her neck. They must have figured she was sterile. Guess I got lucky. She thought. All the same, she agreed there needed to be cubs. The pride would die out without them. And it was odd that Scar didn’t want heirs to continue his legacy. Having become a sort of advisor to the king, she felt it her place to address the issue. “Hey.” She turned to Ed. “I’m going to go talk to Scar.” She got up and started towards the cave. Ed yawned and rolled over, snoring loudly. When Tai made it into the cave, she could already see the king pacing inside, clearly agitated. When he looked up to see Tai, he scoffed. “Are you here to try and proposition me as well?” “I can assure you that’s the last thing on my mind.” Tai stated firmly. “However, the lack of new blood in the pride does seem to be a point of contention at the moment. Surely you have a solution that doesn’t involve you… doing something you’re clearly uncomfortable with.” Scar stopped pacing. “Can’t they just whore themselves out to some passing low-life like they usually do?!” He spat. “I have better things to do than cater to their urges!” Like what? Tai thought, but kept it to herself. Whatever Sarafina had tried on him, it really set him off. She decided to try a different tactic. “Yes, they are trying that… But if I may, I came here wondering what you plan to do about heirs.” She spoke carefully. “…Heirs?” He parroted, coming down from whatever episode he was having. “Yes,” Tai began. “Heirs. Lions who will continue your legacy, continue this alliance with the hyenas…” That was really her only motivation for bringing this up. Without heirs, the royal bloodline would die off, and the pride may resort to finding any old male to replace it. And what are the chances of them finding one that would be friendly with hyenas? She couldn’t risk losing her only friends. “I know what heirs are!” He snapped. “I just—“ He turned away from her. “I just can’t— I won’t—“ “I understand.” Tai interrupted. “I know the feeling… the idea of… being intimate in that way with someone, it’s… unpleasant…” “Scar!” An urgent voice from outside the cave disrupted their uncomfortable conversation. Zazu swooped his way into the cave and landed in front of the king. “Ahem, Your Majesty.” He gave a noncommittal bow. “I was scouting the western border and, well, I think we may have an issue.” “Out with it, Zazu.” Scar said, exasperated. “There’s a small pride of lions there, Sire. Three of them. They look like they’re just waiting outside the boundary for a challenge.” “Only three?” Tai said. “That’s more than enough to be a threat. Are they all males?” “No, no, just the one. The others are lionesses.” Scar snarled. “How dare they… Alright, we’ll go confront them. Tai, you’re coming with me.” They hurried out of the den and into the grassland, picking up any nearby hyenas that could accompany them, as Zazu led the way. When they eventually reached the border, marked by a small river, Tai could finally see this “pride”. They really were a small group, not what one would normally call a pride. Yet they were confidently sitting along the bank, clearly waiting for a confrontation. “What is the meaning of this?” Scar strode up in front, clearly trying to signal his authority. “You come into my kingdom and challenge me?!” The young, russet furred male spoke first. “We’re not in your kingdom, we’re just on the edge of it.” He retorted, smirking. “And since when does Mufasa allow hyenas on his lands?” Scar growled at the mention of his brother’s name. “Mufasa is dead! I, Scar, rule these lands now! And these,” he nodded to the dozen or so hyenas with them. “Are my allies. Now why are you here?” This time is was a lioness that spoke up. “We’re here because we have nowhere else to go. Our lands have become completely barren. This is all that’s left of our pride. We ask for sanctuary.” They must have really been desperate to ask another pride for help. As Tai observed the lionesses closer, she could see they were expecting. She looked at Scar, wondering if he’d take pity on this shrinking Pride. He didn’t typically take pity on anyone. “Hmph! They seem like ruffians to me.” Zazu criticized in a hushed tone on Tai’s shoulder. She rolled her eyes. She watched Scar eye the male, seeming to scrutinize every aspect of him, for a long time. He was clearly evaluating the situation very carefully. Eventually he broke the silence. “Very well. I will grant you sanctuary.” “Oh, thank you, Your Highness!” The first lioness bowed deeply. “You won’t regret this. You will have our utmost loyalty!” She was the first to leap over the small river to the other side. The others followed close behind. Tai was rather shocked. Surely Scar knew the risks of bringing another male into the pride. But then again, what did he have to fear with a clan of hyenas behind him? That and the sanctity of his royal blood. “These are the twins, Spotty and Dotty.” The male introduced his companions. “And I’m Jioni. Pleasured to make your acquaintance, Your Grace.” He bowed politely, grinning up at the king. “Hmm” Scar hummed, giving Jioni another once over before turning and ordering them to follow. Tai fell in behind the group to keep an eye on the newcomers. “Well, Ed,” Tai muttered to the hyena next to her. “It looks like our cub problems might be solved.” Ed chuckled in agreement. “Who’re you talking to?” One of the lionesses turned and asked her. Tai eyed her warily, not appreciative of her forwardness. “A friend of mine…” “You’re friends with hyenas? That’s weird…” she said jovially. “Yeah, well, I’m weird…” Tai just wanted this conversation to end. “Ha!” The lioness exclaimed. “You’re funny! You remind me of my great-aunt. She had a mane too. Oh, I miss her…” Tai was startled. “Wait, she did?” Now she was curious. “Is that common? Was she well liked?” “Oh, everyone loved Auntie Cheka! She told the best jokes.” She seemed to reminisce. “Yeah, I suppose maned lionesses run in the family, I mean, no one thought it was weird. Why do you ask?” Tai paused, processing the new information. “I, uh, I guess I’m the first one in the Jua Pride…” “Oh! Well that just makes you special!” She said cheerfully, then trotted up towards her sister. Tai was left alone with her thoughts, wondering what life would have been like if she had been born elsewhere… Eventually the group made it back to Pride Rock. Despite the initial shock of strange lions in the Pridelands, and the notion of Scar being merciful enough to take them in, the lionesses seemed to welcome them with open arms. In particular Jioni, who several of them fawned over, as if they were still adolescents fawning over a crush. Even Zira, who had been head-over-heels for Scar for ages, seemed to take an interest in the new male. And of course everyone was ecstatic to find out there were cubs on the way. Tai dispersed with the hyenas while the lions exchanged formalities. She couldn’t suppress the resentment she was feeling towards the new group. They were welcomed in so easily despite being strangers, while she was practically a stranger in her own pride. She settled down on her favorite rock. She could still see the pride from here. Ed followed her up, giggling hysterically to himself. “What’s so funny?” Tai asked Ed sat next to her and pointed at the group of lions, specifically at Scar. Then he pointed to Jioni, whom the king was staring at. “Yeah, I’m sure Scar’s going to be keeping an eye on that guy. I’m surprised he let him in in the first place.” But Ed shook his head, and started drawing in the dirt. She leaned over and saw he drew a heart shape. Tai took entirely too long to figure out what Ed was getting at, but as she kept glancing at Scar, it clicked. “Oh.” Tai had never taken an interest in lions. But she had also never taken an interest in lionesses. And she had just assumed Scar was the same. But I guess he does have a preference. “I knew there was a reason he wouldn’t take a queen, I just assumed it was the same as mine…” Tai sighed. “I guess that means I am the only one here that… can’t feel “love”…” Ed frowned and whimpered, then shook his head again. He stamped his paw on the ground where he drew the heart, then placed it over her chest, and gave her a stern look. And she somehow knew what he meant. You still have a heart. “Thanks, Ed.” She laid her head down in her paws, and Ed rolled over and nestled against her.

Ed was right. The others could have their romance and cubs. And she could have her friends. That was enough.

---

#the lion king #fan art #fanfiction #scar #mufasa #simba #nala #hyenas #banzai #shenzi #ed #sarabi #sarafina

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 4 years ago

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Psycho Analysis: Lucifer/Satan

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Please allow me to introduce this villain. He’s a man of wealth and taste...

Satan, or Lucifer, or whatever of the hundreds of names across multiple religions, folk tales, urban legends, movies, books, songs, video games, and more that you choose to call him, is without a doubt the biggest bad of them all. He is not just a villain; he is the villain, the bad guy your other bad guys answer to, the lord of Hell. If there’s a bad deed, he’s done it, if there’s a problem, he’s behind it. There’s nothing beneath him, and that’s not just because he’s at the very bottom of Hell. He is the root cause of all the misery in the entire world.

And if we’re talking about Satan, we gotta talk about Lucifer too. They weren’t always supposed to be one and the same, but over centuries of artistic depictions and reimaginings they’ve been conflated into one being, a being that is a lot more layered and interesting than just a simple adversary for the good to overcome when handled properly.

Motivation/Goals: Look, it’s Satan. His main goal is to be as evil as possible, do bad things, cause mischief and mayhem. Rarely does anything good come from Satan being around. If he is one and the same as Lucifer, expect there to be some sort of plot about him rebelling against God, as according to modern interpretations Lucifer fought against God in battle and was then cast out, falling from grace like lightning. When the Lucifer persona is front and center, raging against the heavens tends to be a big part of his schemes, but when the big red devil persona is out and about, expect temptations to sin, birthing the Antichrist, or tempting people to sell their souls.

Performance: Satan has been portrayed by far too many people over the years to even consider keeping count of, though some notable performances of the character or at least characters who are clearly meant to be Satan include the nuanced anti-villain take of the character Viggo Mortensen portrayed in The Prophecy; the sympathetic homosexual man portrayed by Trey Parker in South Park and its film; the hard-rocking badass Dave Grohl portrayed in Tencaious D’s movie; Robin Hughes as a sneaky, double-crossing bastard in “The Howling Man” episode of The Twilight Zone; the big red devil from Legend known as Darkness, played by Tim Curry; the shapeshifting angel named Satan from The Adventures of Mark Train who will make you crap your pants; and while not portrayed by anyone due to being entirely voiceless, Chernabog from Disney’s Fantasia is definitely noteworthy in regards to cinematic depictions of the devil.

Final Thoughts & Score: Satan is a villain whose sheer scope dwarfs almost every other villain in history. It’s not even remotely close, either; Satan pops up in stories all around the world, is the greater-scope villain of most varieties of three major religions, and his very name is shorthand for “really, really evil.” Every other villain I have ever discussed and reviewed wishes they could be a byword for being bad to the bone. Even Dracula, one of the single most important villains in fiction, looks puny in comparison to Satans villainous accomplishments.

Satan in old religious texts tended to be an utterly horrifying force of nature, until Medieval times began portray him as a dopey demon trying to tempt the faithful (and failing). Folklore and media have gone back and forth, portraying both in equal measure – you have the desperate, fiddle-playing devil from “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” and the unseen, unfathomable Satan who may or may not exist in the Marvel comics universe who other demons live in fear of the return of. Satan is just a very interesting and malleable antagonist, one who is defined just enough that he can make a massive, formidable force while still being enough of a blank slate that you can project any sort of personality traits onto him to build an intriguing foe.

One of the most famous examples of this in action is the common depiction of Satan as the king of hell. This doesn’t really have much basis in religion; he’s as much a prisoner as anyone else, though considering how impressive a prisoner he is, he’d be like the big guy at the top of the pecking order in any jail for sure. But still, the idea of Satan as the ruler of hell was clearly conceived by someone and proved such an intriguing concept that so many decided to run with it.

I think that’s what truly makes Satan such an interesting villain, in that he’s almost a community-built antagonist. People over the ages have added so much lore, personality, and power to him that is only vaguely alluded to in old religions to the point where they have all become commonplace in depictions of the big guy, and there really isn’t any other villain to have quite this magnitude on culture as a whole. It shouldn’t be any shock that Satan is an 11/10; rating him any lower would be a heinous crime only he is capable of.

But see, the true sign of how amazing he is is the sheer number of ways one can interpret him. You have versions that are just vague embodiments of all that is bad and unholy, such as Chernabog from Fantasia, you have more nuanced portrayals like the one Viggo Mortensen played in The Prophecy, you have outright sympathetic ones like the one from South Park… Satan is just a villain who can be reshaped and reworked as a creator sees fit and molded into something that fits the narrative they want. I guess what I’m trying to say is that not only is Lucifer/Satan one of the greatest villains of all, he’s also one of the single greatest characters of all time.

Now, there are far too many depictions of Satan for me to have seen them all, but I have seen quite a lot. Here’s how Old Scratch has fared over the millennia in media of various forms, though keep in mind this is by no means a comprehensive or exhaustive lsit:

“The Devil Went Down to Georgia” Devil:

I think this is one of my favorite devils in any fiction ever, simply because of what a good sport he is. Like, there is really no denying that Johnny’s stupid little fiddle ditty about chickens or whatever sucks major ass, and yet Satan (who had moments before summoned up demonic hordes to rip out some Doom-esque metal for the contest) gave him the win and the golden fiddle. What a gracious guy! He’s a 9/10 for sure, though I still wish we knew how his rematch ended…

Chernabog:

Chernabog technically doesn’t do anything evil, and he never says a word, and yet everything about him is framed as inherently sinister. It’s really no wonder Chernabog has become one of the most famous and beloved parts of Fantasia alongside Yen Sid and Sorcerer Mickey; he’s infinitely memorable, and really, how can he not be? He’s the devil in a Disney film, not played for laughs and instead made as nightmarishly terrifying as an ancient demon god should be. Everything about him oozes style, and every movement and gesture begets a personality that goes beyond words. Chernabog doesn’t need to speak to tell you that he is evil incarnate; you just know, on sight, that he is up to no good.

Quite frankly, the implications of Chernabog’s existence in the Disney canon are rather terrifying. Is he the one Maleficent called upon for power? Is he the one all the villains answer to? Do you think Frollo saw him after God smote him? And what exactly did he gain by attacking Sora at the end of Kingdom Hearts? All I know for sure is that Chernabog is a 10/10.

Lucifer (The Prophecy):

Viggo Mortensen has limited screentime, but in that time he manages to be incredibly creepy, misanthropic… and yet, also, on the side of good. Of course, he’s doing it entirely for self-serving reasons (he wants humanity around so he can make them suffer), but credit where credit is due. The man manages to steal a scene from under Christopher Walken, I think that’s worth a 10/10.

Satan (South Park):

Portraying Satan as a sympathetic gay man was a pretty bold choice, and while he certainly does fall into some stereotypes, he’s not really painted as bad or morally wrong for being gay, and ends up more often than not being a good (if sometimes misguided) guy who just wants to live his life. Plus he gets a pretty sweet villain song, though technically it’s more of an “I want” song than anything. Ah well, a solid 8/10 for him is good.

Satan (Tenacious D):

youtube

It’s Dave Grohl as Satan competing in a rock-off against JB and KG. Literally everything about this is perfect, even if he’s only in the one scene. 10/10 for sure.

Robot Devil:

Futurama’s take on the devil is pretty hilarious and hammy, but then Futurama was always pretty on point. He’s a solid 8/10, because much like South Park’s devil he gets a fun little villain song with a guest apearance by the Beastie Boys, not to mention his numerous scams like when he stole Fry’s hands. He’s just a fun, hilarious asshole.

The Howling Man:

The Twilight Zone has many iconic episodes, and this one is absolutely one of them. While the devil is the big twist, that scene of him transforming as he walks between the pillars is absolutely iconic, and was even used by real-life villain Kevin Spacey in the big reveal of The Usual Suspects. This one is a 9/10 for sure, especially given the ending that implies this will all happen again (as per usual with the show).

The Darkness:

While he’s more devil-adjacent than anything and is more likely to be the son of Satan rather than the actual man himself, it’s hard not to give a shout-out to the big, buff demon played by Tim Curry in some of the most fantastic prosthetics and makeup you will ever see. He gets a 9/10 for the design alone, the facty he’s Tim Curry is icing on the cake.

#Psycho Analysis #Satan #Lucifer

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hi-i-love-u-bitch · 4 years ago

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Azula the good sister AU (AKA the Fire siblings have a healthy relationship AU)

I’ve just finished binge watching Avatar the Last Airbender and I already have an AU ready in my head. Please enjoy my ridiculous rambling!

Azula is still really tough and intense but she isn’t a fucking psychopath like in the series

She’s still a bending prodigy and “daddy’s favorite” but the latter isn’t something she wanted or strived for

She shows affection by teasing people, but she is also fiercely loyal and protective over the people she cares about. Like she’s nice but she’ll still cut a bitch if they hurt her friends and brother.

As most siblings do Azula and Zuko like to playfully argue and insult each other:

Zuko: *having just woken up*

Azula: wow you look like shit

Zuko: big talk coming from a midget with rat nest hair

Azula: at least I only look like this in the morning, you willingly keep that rat tail on top of your head. No wonder you have no friends!

Zuko: oh yeah what’s your excuse then?

They’re the type of siblings that in a modern-day setting would send each other a picture of a toaster saying “I found you a new bath bomb”

She absolutely adores her older brother and Zuko took his role as older sibling in stride even if Azula could practically take care of herself

They’re great training partners

Their favorite memory as children was feeding turtle ducks with their mother, they still do so even now after she’s gone

When she overheard her grandfather ordering her father to kill Zuko she left to tell her mother immediately afterwards she snuck into Zuko’s room to cuddle with him in bed claiming that she’d had a nightmare.

Their mother came in to kiss them goodbye goodnight before disappearing into the night. Zuko had been half asleep so he had no idea what was going on but Azula did and she knew what her mother was about to do. She didn’t know what the outcome would be but she knew that it would be the last time she’d ever see her mother.

Azula never told Zuko what happened only that it was all their father’s fault

It was then they began mutually hating on their father

Of course, they had no choice but to respect him as he was still the Fire Lord and could possibly kill them. But as soon as he was out of ear shot the siblings were like:

Azula: Why the fuck did he think growing out his beard was a good idea???

Zuko: He looks like a goat-pig

Uncle Iroh treats them both as his own children and helps them perfect their fire bending as well as teach them the art of tea brewing. Zuko still thinks it’s stupid but Azula becomes just as much of a tea fanatic as her uncle

Azula has had a giant crush on Ty Lee ever since they were children and everyone, but Ty Lee knows about it. On the flip side Ty Lee also has a giant crush on Azula ever since childhood and everyone but Azula knows about it.

Azula: That's a sharp outfit, Ty Lee. Careful. You could puncture the hull of an empire-class Fire Nation battleship, leaving thousands to drown at sea, because it's so sharp.

Ty Le: *confused but happy that her crush complemented her* Gee thanks Zula.

Azula: *later, screaming into her pillow* I’m such an idiot!

Zuko: *sitting beside her, sipping tea* Yeah, you really are.

The day Zuko was challenged to Agni Kai Azula told him that he was an idiot and that he better kick that loser general’s ass or it would be an embarrassment to both their training. It was her own way of telling him to be careful and that she was rooting for him.

When she found out that it was her father challenging Zuko to Agni Kai she had to be held back by Iroh to keep her from jumping into the arena to help her brother

Azula was determined to join her brother in his banishment but Zuko wouldn’t allow her, saying how it was his fault for speaking out of term and that his sister shouldn’t have to suffer from his mistakes.

They had a big fight after that because the siblings were nothing if not hotheaded and stubborn. Zuko didn’t want his sister to leave all she knew behind just because of him and Azula didn’t want to be stuck doing nothing while her brother suffers alone.

They parted there days later, regretful, angry, and sad. They didn’t necessarily apologies (let’s be honest what kind of siblings apologies to each other) but they did start writing letters to each other, which was their way of saying that they were cool now.

Zuko wrote to her about his journey to find the Avatar as well as Uncle Iroh’s ridiculous jokes and tea ramblings while Azula wrote to him about how things are back home as well as potential places where the Avatar could be located.

Both aren’t sure if the Avatar even exists anymore, but they keep hoping as it means that they will one day be reunited with each other.

The day Zuko found the Avatar he entrusted only his sister with the information as he knew that once word got out that the Avatar was still alive it would be an all-out man hunt.

Everything works out relatively the same as in the series except with Azula helping out her brother in the background. She’d secretly send her brother information about general Zhao’s whereabouts so as to avoid him as well as any resources he needed for his journey.

When Ozai ordered Azula to go retrieve her brother and uncle she was both delighted and terrified; she was happy to see her brother again, but she didn’t want to take him as her prisoner. So of course, she came up with a plan.

The first thing Azula said to her brother after two and a half years apart was: “Wow, you look like shit.”

He replied without missing a beat: “Big talk coming from a midget with rat nest hair.”

They hug for the longest time and in that moment, she quietly resights her plan to him: They had to pretend to escape from her and go into hiding. She’ll pretend to hunt him down and he’ll somehow manage to escape from her clutches every time. All the while they’ll work together in trying to capture the Avatar.

She enlists the help of Mai and Ty Lee telling them the minimal amount of information just in case things go south they can plead manipulation. Of course, Mai and Ty Lee are ready to go down with their captain/friend no matter what, but they don’t mind being out of the loop for the time being. They trust Azula and know that everything she does is to help her brother and uncle.

The events leading up to the battle of Ba Sing Se are pretty similar up until the part where Zuko makes a choice between helping the Avatar or his kingdom. He’s realized the pain and terror his ancestors have installed in the world; tearing away hope for a better future.

Just as Azula was about to strike Aang with a finishing blow Zuko stops her, telling her what they’ve been doing is wrong and if they want the world to prosper, they need to help the Avatar.

Azula was a bit annoyed seeing as she went through the trouble of sneaking into Ba Sing Se and taking over the earth kingdom from the inside out. But then again, her brother was right as she already knew of her father’s end game plan.

Azula: Zuzu, I love you, but couldn’t you have told me we were going to rebel against father sooner so I could have planned accordingly.

Just as there are loyalist to the Fire Lord there are also loyalist to the Princess as they see her as a more fit leader than the current ruler. And thus, that is how team Avatar was able to get a good portion of the fire nation army on their side.

Ba Sing Se has now been established as their main base with the entire city now having chosen the side of the Avatar.

At this point Azula still had Suki and the Kyoshi warriors held prisoner close by so she was able to bring them back without much fuss.

Azula: Er, sorry for imprisoning you and stuff. I just needed to save my stupid brother but we’re on your side now. Cool?

Suki: Only if I get to punch you in the face as hard as I can.

Azula: That seems fair.

Katara does NOT trust Azula and Zuko which is fine because Azula doesn’t trust her either but she knows they need to work together if they want to even have a slim chance of beating her father.

Katara: You might have everyone else here buying your ‘transformation,’ but you and I both know you’ve struggled with doing the right thing in the past. So, let me tell you something right now. You make one step backward, one slipup, give me one reason to think you might hurt Aang, and you won’t have to worry about your destiny anymore. Because I’ll make sure your destiny ends right then and there. Permanently!

Azula: Right back attcha bitch!

Toph and Azula get along swimmingly which both amuses and terrifies Zuko because one: he’s glad that his sister is finally making somewhat normal friends but two: those two together is just chaos incarnate

Ty Lee also really bonds with the Kyoshi warriors who teach her some of their fighting techniques in exchanged for her teaching them some chi blocking moves.

Suki and Mai start getting cozy with each other with Suki liking Mai’s skills and straightforward attitude and Mai admiring Suki’s confidence and bravery. It’s easy to talk with each other.

Sokka, at one point: Why the hell don’t we just send the girls out to defeat the Fire Nation? We’re all completely useless compared to them.

Also after a few month working together Zuko can now join his sister in her gay screaming

Azula: Did you seriously fall for that Water Tribe boy?

Zuko: You’re one to talk!

Azula: Hey! Ty Lee is an angel and we’re all lucky to have her!

Zuko: She once ate a whole bowl of fire flakes by herself and had to get her stomach pumped.

Azula: Look, what Fire Nation teen hasn’t done that at least once

Zuko: She did it THREE times!

Once the siblings and Co finally bond well enough with team Avatar tension lessens and their attitude go from: “uhg, I guess we have to work together or whatever” to “you are my friend now and I would die for you! I would literally commit murder if you asked me to, no questions asked”

Aang is baby and the Fire squad has now joined in the “Aang protection army” and in a similar fashion team Avatar have also learned that Ty Lee is baby and have now joined the “Ty Lee protection squad”. Even though Aang and Ty Lee are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves one cannot help but want to protect and care for the literal ray of sun shines.

Zuko and Sokka still have their epic rescue adventure to the boiling rock, with the extra help of their team. They sneak into the facility with disguises, Azula and her crew walk in like they own the place (news of her betrayal to the Fire Lord has yet to reach certain places), while the rest of team Avatar keep watch from afar just in case things start going south.

You know that scene where Zuko gets put in the freezer and when Sokka goes to let him out Zuko breathes out a breath of fire with a smirk? It was then and there that Sokka realized that his teeny tiny crush on Zuko might actually be a giant massive crush.

In this AU it is actually Azula that helps Katara track down the man that killed her mother because let’s face it, no matter what universe she’s in Azula will always be down to beat a bitch is ass.

This is the first time Azula has ever witness somebody blood bending and unlike most people that would usually freak out she was actually really impress and kind of turned on.

Azula: You know if I weren’t already madly in love with Ty Lee, I’d ask you to marry me in a heartbeat.

Katara: And I would accept that offer if only for the pleasure of rubbing it in your dad’s face

Azula: Why didn’t we become friends sooner?!?!

It is then the Little Sister alliance was formed in which they teamed up to poke fun at their bumbling brothers who keep awkwardly dancing around each other.

Their friendship can be summed up to: “I will kill you where you stand but also I respect you”

Okay, Imma just say this right now: Sokka is a fucking badass and even after getting taught how to fight by the Kyoshi warriors and the Fire sibling + Co. he reached a whole new level of badassery once he learned the ways of the sword by Master Piandao. Zuko’s little gay heart could only take so much and Sokka being all cool and collected while wielding a sword made the former Fire Prince short-circuit.

Zuko, in his tent, face down screaming into his pillow: Uhg, I can’t with this boy anymore!

Suki, rolling her eyes at her best friend’s melodramatics: Pull yourself together man.

Ty Lee, patting his head reassuringly: Don’t worry, you’ll get through this.

Azula, sipping tea beside him: This wouldn’t be happening if you just asked him out already.

Zuko: Don’t you fucking start with me hypocritical bitch!

Azula: *nervous gay drinking*

The day of the final battle Azula and Katara lead Hakoda’s army plus the Kyoshi Warriors to reclaim the fire nation capital while Aang, Zuko, Sokka, and Toph chased after the Fire Lord and his war ships.

The battle to take back the capital was brutal as there was still an entire army keeping guard with one of the Fire Lord’s generals acting as temporary leader. Unfortunately for them Azula still had a reputation of fear amongst the Fire Nation army and a lot of soldiers surrendered once they realized it was her leading the invasion and not the Avatar. Those that didn’t surrendered were defeated in battle because let’s be honest with a team this fierce there is no way in hell they couldn’t not win.

There’s also a scene where Azula is fighting off the general and a bunch of soldiers and it seems like she’s not gunna make it but she does, bloody and bruised but victorious. I imagen in that moment Ty Lee goes running up to Azula, jumps into her arms, and kisses her right then and there, while they’re still in the middle of battle. It’s super cool and romantic and it seemed to give Azula more energy than Sozin’s comet ever could as she seemed now ready to defeat god.

Azula: Y’all bitches be fucked now! I ain’t afraid to die but now that I gotta girlfriend I’m not going nowhere fuckers!

With Aang and his team it goes about the same as it did in the show; take down the ships, battle the Fire Lord, almost die, etc. That scene where Sokka thinks that Suki died on the aircraft is now replaced with Zuko almost dying then coming back to save their asses at the late minute. They too also kiss once they see that the other is unharmed while Toph rolls her eyes and gags at the sight.

Again, Aang does not kill the Fire Lord and instead takes away his fire bending powers before locking him in prison to rot. The fire siblings come by sometimes to annoy the shit out of him by flicking fire flakes at his head for target practice or psychologically torture him with excruciating detail of how they’ve been thoroughly fucked by their significate others in is bed and on his thrown.

Zuko: How’s it feel knowing that not only are both your kids gay but they’re also bottoms?

Ozai: *screams*

Azula: Ty Lee also fucked me atop your war room table :)

Ozai: *screams intensify*

In the end Zuko really doesn’t want to be Fire Lord so he happily passes that torch on to Azula who only agrees to take the job so long as Zuko becomes her second in command. Everyone is happy and with a lot of hard work throughout the years there is finally peace amongst the four nations.

#Avatar The Last Airbender #avatar #atla #princess azula #azula is a good sister au #au #fire siblings

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sarenhale · 4 years ago

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Out of curiosity, do you have any ships for the Silver Snakes? If you do, could you name them and elaborate on why you like them? I love your art style btw it just looks so smooth to me!

I do, IN FACT!!!! I wonder if you mean couples within the silver snakes only (oc x oc) or with fe3h canon characters as well? Well, I’ll write about both and the ideas I have here... brace yourself, It’s gonna be a long ask cause you unleashed my love for couples....

Nicolai and Leon is one of my faves, basically brother in arms that become closer as time passes. Nicolai can’t socialize and deal with people for shit so having someone like Leon that has a very sunny and patient personality around is very comforting. Plus Leon has a lot of energy and will to live, and with time manages to... uh... maybe influence Nicolai with it a little? Or, at least, grab his skinny ass when he’s about to sacrifice himself in battle AGAIN and save him. Nicolai has an ardent desire to die and Leon is just not gonna let him, you know? When war starts Leon promises him he’ll bring him to his village in Dagda to meet his family.... and then when war is over they move there and fuck off forever, living in peace for the rest of their days. Nicolai finally has the opportunity to be who he wants and not have to pass down his crest or being haunted by his family legacy anymore.

Nicolai and Kristjan, they’re both very quiet and not exactly socially adapt, but that’s kind of what they enjoy from eachother, the possibility to just enjoy eachother’s presence without pressure or having to talk/break the silence. Incredibly enough, I think that when confronted with another shy person, Nicolai would be the one to step up and be more protective and supportive. I think that this relationship would bring out the protective / chivalrous side in him..... yeah....... I don’t know I just imagine how quiet, peaceful and swee those times would be

Nicolai and Bernadetta, reject humanity, return to being social recluse... I feel like they have similar personalities and kinda vibe together well, after of course the trials and tribulations of Bernie trying to escape everytime she sees him because she thinks Nicolai is the spectre of death that was sent to kill her or something. But that just adds to the fun part of it and ridicolousness of the couple edhjfcghjdgfh. Plus Nicolai likes reading edgy poetry and novels so he would be really supportive of Bernie’s books.

Nicolai and Sylvain... hee hoo you know me, I do enjoy a sprinkle of Sylvain content here and there... basically Sylvain is the only one from Blue Lions that doesn’t hate him after they discovered the Haandrastsz family had a part into killing Dimitri’s father. The Haandrastsz family terriroties were also near the Gautier's, so they knew eachother when they were little. (I cannot escape the childhood friends trope I am sorry) After the war, before rejoining with the other Silver Snakes, Nicolai retires to Sreng (where him and his uncle were exiled to by the Kingdom) and stays there, commanding a small army and gaining the trust/leadership of the local warlords. One time he leads an attack on Gautier territory and Sylvain is like ‘Oh hey Nico- HEY WHAT THE FUCK’ And I don’t know... I just think it’s kinda funny... Also Sylvain is the only one in Blue Lions from the original group of childhood friends that doesn’t really... judge people for who they are, you know (that’s why I love him), so it feels realistic that he wouldn’t think less of Nicolai for what his family did. Knowing the guy, he would probably try to find a peaceful solution to the situation, and even if Nicolai usually doesn’t give a shit about people, he would be like “Yeah okay I GUESS I can try talking to Sylvain instead of just brutally murdering him”. So yeah, the sheer contrast between personalities, and the similar trauma from crests/ families... I just think it makes for a cool combo.

Cassandra and Esther, another one of my fave couples, Esther grew up in poverty in the Empire’s capital and hating nobles for the huge power imbalance in Fòdlan, so seeing Cassandra’s objective to completion is one of the most important things in her life. Despite the big differences in their upbringing, they discovered that they shared a lot of things in common, and felt very comfortable and safe in the company of the other. Cassandra always felt like an outcast even between her family, so she finds Esther’s point of view on life very important and close to her heart. Cassandra loves how much of a free spirit she is, and wants to eventually be free and feel like she’s allowed to be herself, two things she can really experience when she’s with her. Esther’s story is part of why Cassandra feels like she needs to succeed and bring a change to Fòdlan, and made a promise to her that if she ever loses sight of her original dream and becomes yet another swayed ruler, Esther has to kill her 👀 Also, that good old “ruler and their right hand” kind of ship... you know?��

Cassandra and Mithra, another good ruler and their right hand ship... Mithra has trust in Cassandra as a leader and person, and is willing to do anything to help her achieve her dream! I think Mithra is a very silent person that doesn’t share her feelings and emotion easily because she’s always on high guard, expecting an attack from every direction, and focused on her duty almost too much to allow herself to be human and not only a soldier. That why it’s really cute when i think about how she would open up and eventually fall in love... YEAH

Cassandra and Sayid, this is a bit of a ‘what if’ kind of ship because Cassandra is gay, so I see this couple as more of a “platonic soulmates” kind of situation. Sayid and Cassandra’s relationship is one of my favourites because it starts from childhood friends, then changes to rivals, to frenemies, and then grows to trusted friends who will never be able to leave eachother. Cassandra was promised to marry one of Sayid’s older brothers when she was little, so he often jokes about how Sayid lost to his brothers even to that. (”Yes, but I was the one that had the honor to be right next to you” he would probably reply) They are eachother’s most trusted person, and Sayid grows from wanting Cassandra’s spot as leader and thinking she is inadequate to the role to being her most trusted advisor, that wholeheartedly supports her. It’s mostly the growth of the relationship that does it for me.

Mithra and Dedue...OKAY No joke I made Mithra Duscurian also because so Dedue could have a friend from the same country... so they can share Duscur stories and culture. Mithra left Duscur when she was little so she feels like she’s missing a part of her culture, and I just feel like her supports and relationship with him would be an amazing opportunity to both expand more on Duscurian culture and allow both to enjoy their home country and bond over it! And then maybe at the end of the war they can move back to what’s left of Duscur and start to rebuild together.

Mithra and Felix, this is a bit of weird one, especially because of Felix’s shitty views on Duscur, but I’m mostly looking at the promise for a good character development and how cool an idea of a ‘warrior couple’ is. They start off as sparring partner, Mithra shares Felix’s dedication for battle and training, so they often find eachother at the training grounds until they start to train together. They develop a kind of friendly rivalry over wanting to beat the other, and being the two strongest students at the monastery. Felix gets his ass handed to him a couple of times, and his mental process is ‘holy shit how > fuck you > groagrhaprfgakdfgh > okay but she’s strong, I can learn from her if i continue to fight her’ to eventually respecting her skill and position. Mithra recognizes his strenght and unparalleled ability on the battlefield, but comments on his lack of teamwork and how fighting alone and not following orders is going to get him killed someday. (Being that she’s lived her life in the military, diligence is a very important value- and a way of life to her) Their rivalry/competition translates to keeping the other safe in battle (”you’re not allowed to die before I beat you” kind of deal) and eventually... uh... wow... emotions???

Sayid and Ferdinand, dhsgchdgsh To be honest this is boys being fancy and bisexual... They do share some values and morals, Ferdinand’s view on nobility are akin to Sayid’s, even though Sayid is a bit more like ‘earning what you and your family have’ rather than simply inheriting a role. I do like that they mirror eachother by being a leader’s right hand man, and growing their rivalry into a frienship with them, so I feel like they’d have that in common, and some interesting conversations could spark from that! Plus yeah have I mentioned fancy bisexual boys...

Leon and Hilda, okay this one too is like... nothing too deep stort wise, I just feel that they’d be such a cute good couple?? Mostly because of how they both have sunny personalities and how Leon would indulge Hilda and protect her... and they also give me some big domestic vibes?

Esther and Annette is just... listen... I don’t know exactly why I can see the two of them so well together, I just think their personalities would align really well and would lead up to some really cute support conversations and eventually relationship...

Kristjan and Linhardt is an interesting couple because while I think they have similar interests on magic/ crest studies, they have very opposite personalities. I like that Lin is very blunt and unapologetic about his interests and peculiar way of life, while Kristjan feels like even his presence is a bother and something he needs to apologize about. I think they could bond over their shared interests (you know Lin wouldn’t resist to analyze the peculiar crest situation Kristjan has going on) but also count as interesting opposites to eachother. Lin would definitely be a positive influence over how insecure Kristjan is, and have a role in him accepting himself. Also.... cute nerdy boyfriends who love to read and study together??? Yeah...

Kristjan and Lysithea another cute couple, but this time based on how interesting it would be to see them interact and talk about their similar stories with crest experiments. I feel like they would both benefit from being able to talk honestly about the trauma and experience of it all. And I also like that two individuals that feel like their life is not in their hands anymore- CAN grow and create their own life together.

Kristjan and Olympia is... one of the first couples I thought about back when I created the silver snakes! I really like how they’re polar opposites (again) and how well they mesh together. One of the consequences of the experiments done on Kristjan is that he can channel the power of his crest stone to enhance his abilities, and eventually, also to get really physically strong for a short moment of time. I imagined that it would be really cool and unexpected if the one person that managed to beat Olympia in a duel is in fact not even someone who’s an expert with physical combat! Olympia is a very romantic and affectionate person, and I just really like the idea of Kristjan being showered with the love he deserves. (Plus I love the ship dynamic of mage/studious male character with strong/warrior female character a lot AHAH)

Olympia and Lorenz are... there to be fancy, cute and gorgeous together?? Despite some parts of his ideologies (that luckily he works and grows on), Lorenz’s ‘romantic’ idea of chivalry is very fascinating at the eyes of Olympia, and he kind of represents the idea of the ‘knight in shining (purple with roses) armor’ that she always looked for! They also both love fashion, art, drinking tea and little things like that... and I, AGAIN, love the idea of a couple where the woman is the strongest in the relationship dhgchjdsgcdsh There’s something really cute and powerful about her living her romantic fantasy with someone.

Olympia and Dorothea... JUST GALS BEING PALS... or not. They’re bisexuals together. I think they’d start to bond over Olympia’s idea of romance and research for someone that could beat her in a duel/ win her heart, and eventually really come close due to their experiences in dating/ finding out what they really want from love and relationship. And then they find that together!!!

I think you could sum up the types of couples I like with ‘similar personalities’ and ‘complete opposites’ AHAHAH It’s something that intrigues me with people in real life too! I discovered I tend to feel as fascinated by people that are similar to me, as much as people who are really different from me. This was a LOOONG response, but I loved to think about these couples and write down their dynamics! I hope you’re ready for a very detailed and long response! Thanks again for the compliments on my art and for asking about my babies <3

#i love thinking and actually writing down things about my characters so thanks for asking :D #fe3h #answered #the silver snakes #Anonymous

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pinkysfaultorbrainsfault · 4 years ago

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pinky and the brain - s1e6: brainania

i’m running on like the barest dregs of energy let’s fucking do this leeroy jenkins

episode summary: brain needs to build a Very Big Tumbly Drier. he needs a lot of money to build a Very Big Tumbly Drier. he decides the best way to do this is to.... invent a country and scam the us out of a foreign aid cheque.

hm.

the rundown:

it’s acme labs!

there it is.

as we zoom in a little, we hear pinky laughing maniacally at the very mention of tom ruegger, while a couple of women are dead on the floor.

hm.

SPEAK TO ME, PHYLLIS, SPEAK. as it turns out, things aren’t quite as dire as previously thought, as pinky affirms that brain looks “simply fetching.”

narf.

“these are the only garments i could obtain. and besides, you are no helen of troy yourself.”

ignoring the fact that he chose to wear the hat and the gloves as well, brain moves onto explaining his latest plan--

but not before giving pinky a static-y poke for his crimes.

“to generate global static cling, we shall construct a massive clothes dryer.”

BEHOLD.

THE TITANOCYCLE FOUR THOUSAND, WITH THREE SPEEDS AND AUTOMATIC WRINKLEGUARD. this will surely allow brain to.... trap everyone in their clothes via static cling and. uh. allow him to seize power...... somehow......... by putting everyone in a really big tumbledryer?????

it costs fourteen billion dollars.

“oh, i have it!”

“we build a huge tooth, leave it under a huge pillow, and then fairies will leave us lots of money!”

brain tells pinky to stop eating paint chips. it’s a well deserved response to pinky’s insane, bullshit idea, not nearly as dignified and scientific as Everyone Goes In The Big Tumbly Dryer By Brain Age Two And A Half.

as he heads off to ponder an Equally Sensible idea to get a lot of money, pinky assures brain that he will not “be a bother.”

“brain.”

“if i ate a hundred jelly rolls, would i explode?”

i don’t know why pinky is sticking his ass out. maybe that’s where the jelly rolls go, in the sense that whenever i used to eat cakes around my dad he’d often say something like “a minute on the lips is a lifetime on the hips”. (also? pinky is british, so what he actually means is jelly rolls, and that sounds disgusting.)

so anyway brain gives him a piece of paper and tells him to try origami.

BUT WAIT.

“pinky! are you pondering what i’m pondering?” “i think so brain, but why the bitch stacey foreign aid office is giving chad all the money while i’ve always been a nice guy and showed her a basic level of human respect is beyond me. narf.”

no i’m sorry. he didn’t say that. pinky respects women. also apologies to the residents of the actual country of chad. big ups to all of you. lol. (he actually says “but pantyhose are so uncomfortable in the summertime”, which is wild, considering this episode was aired in november.)

brain doesn’t want to wear the pantyhose.

well, maybe he does, but not right now. instead, he suggests that they form a bogus nation and demand reparations from the united states, which is, of course, easier, saner, and far less work than Really Big Tooth. as he folds the Chad Newspaper into a vague key shape (the Virgin Tabloid never had a chance) pinky points out that, uh

you can’t just invent a country, brain. “won’t people know we’re not a real country?”

“the average american’s grasp of geography is pitiful. they’ll think we’re part of the former soviet union.”

“or canada.”

so they pick a random, tiny island on the label of a Science Chemical and set off on the boat to Being A Coloniser Town.

a long sea voyage awaits us! and at the end, we shall found a nation! and that nation shall be called!

BRAINANIA.

“can’t we call it pinkyland? or eric?”

“don’t vex me, pinky, or i shall turn on you.”

so they get on the S.S FATTY LUMPKIN and bugger off to Island X.

“i haven’t seen anybody yet, brain. i guess we’re alone here.”

“excellent, pinky. it’s time to flesh out the terrain.”

“that volcano will be mount brain.”*

“this clearing will be brain flats,”

“and that water over there--”

“very well.”

“the fjord of pinky.”

and they hoist their adorable, homemade flag, while pinky doots them a little themetune.

(*perhaps when they’re not in the middle of the jungle.)

how lovely!

less lovely.

significantly less lovely. still, it got brain to make the little O:O face, so it’s not all bad.

as the mice are scooped up onto a sphere and presented in front of this presumably-maori gentleman, brain decides to put his White Gay From Los Angeles skills to the test, and reassures pinky that he will communicate with them in the Primitive Argot Of The South Seas.

ME NUMBER ONE FELLA. OTHER FELLA NUMBER TEN. CATCHY ALL SAME SAME. YOU SAVVY?

“good day, mate. d’you speak english?”

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

anyway apparently this has happened often enough that these guys learnt english. from all the times it happened. and then they ate the guy they learnt english from and shrunk his head, but to be honest, i don’t blame them.

this is alan. “hello, alan.” says pinky.

“i would be pinky! and this is prime minister brain.”

“who is IN CHARGE OF THIS ISLAND AND EVERYTHING YOU SEEEE.”

“narf.”

sneaky bastard knows what he’s doing.

alan isn’t too happy with that, because the island belongs to the volcano god, whanganui,

WHO PROTECTS US FROM EVIL AND HAAARM AND WHAT ALL ELSE.

(i can find no evidence that whanganui is actually a god, as opposed to just A Bit Of New Zealand. if they are, i’m more than happy to go back and edit this as would be religiously considerate.)

this is the face of a man who knows he has fucked up.

still, brain decides yet again that his pride comes before any kind of rational decision, so he decides to tell them that whanganui sent him to the island to rule over them,

as proven by his fire powers.

(ETA: i missed this last time. why is brain carrying a lighter around? that episode isn’t for a good few more seasons yet.)

alan is unimpressed.

I CAN TRAP YOUR SOULS INSIDE THIS GLASS

“i can make bubbles with my spit!”

apparently this is a real talent on the island. who’d have thought. (they do not believe it to be a sign of god. it’s just really cool.)

so brain gets a hand building brainania.

it has everything one could possibly need.

actually pretty much as soon as the airport and the gift shop are built, brain heads to washington, so evidently he holds the strong opinion that this is everything a country could possibly need. odd. still, maybe he plans on adding stuff once he becomes world ruler, or whatever.

so with that established, The Most Exalted ned limpopo gets out of the car. hassan lembeck is also here. he is attempting to make an origami bird out of a newspaper.

no bird for you, mr lembeck. no bird for you.

they wander off to go and see mr bisck, who is currently playing with a little toy plane.

he reacts to the news that the prime minister of brainania is here to see him with “oh great, more moochers,”

and does not seem to take kindly to having tiny mice on his desk, even if they are reasonably exalted.

though a quick database search tells him said mice have no record of financial trouble, or, indeed, a credit rating, so. he tells them to go away.

“go away.”

okay. hassan doesn’t take this well.

as Exalted Ned Limpopo gently tries to persuade mr bisck that he could “harm negotations” between brainania and the us (a lot more politely than he usually explains things to people, may i add) hassan chimes in with a haven’t you people ever heard of bold claim that brainania, if slighted, will INVADE YOUR LANDS

GO BOOM BOOM BOOM

AND MAKE YOU ALL OUR PATHETIC SLAAAAAAAAAAAAVES.

mr bisck does not like this idea, it seems.

as he rushes off to tell the UN, brain informs pinky that he has

“just created an international incident.”

“oh, thank you, brain.”

“in the words of the immortal yogi bear, this is dejavu all over again.”

so the boys turn up on PUNCHLINE, WITH FRED FLUBBLE.

there he is. “perhaps you gentlemen would care to climb up on the desk?”

they make it, just about.

and sing a fun little song about brainania’s war victories, i guess.

WE WILL FIGHT AND NEVER QUIT

FIND ME A ROOFTOP AND I WILL SPIT. NARF

this is not well recieved by the us military.

unfortunately, as the US press secretary points out, the us cannot go to war with a country it can’t find,

(wuss.)

so instead the mice are invited to dinner at the white house.

“in a few short hours, pinky, we shall have our foreign aid loan, and then the world!”

“birdy birdy birdy! narf!”

“i sense much of this historic moment is lost on you.”

at the white house, a very bored looking individual introduces The Most Exalted Ned Limpopo (feat. hassan lembeck), and bill clinton shakes his hand.

“me number one fella. other fellas number ten. catchy all same same. you savvy?”

“i speak fluent english.”

“eyyyy. haha. sure you do.”

“all brainania ever wanted from the US was friendship. friendship, and fourteen billion dollars and fifty nine cents. the friendship i will treasure. the money i will spend on polo ponies and cruise missiles.”

brain has a brief discussion with hilary clinton over the advantages of strontium ninety versus uranium two-thirty-eight,

bill clinton pulls this face and tells them it Sounds Smart,

and the mice bounce merrily back to mr bisck to get their foreign aid check.

“you better not lose it, buster!!! i just erased your records!! you won’t get another one from me!!!!”

HA.

“one should be enough. thanks and farewell, “

“you niggling bureaucrat.”

conclusion:

upon returning back to brainania, The Most Exalted Ned Limpopo finds a letter from alan addressed to him. it’s also mouse sized, which is adorable. apparently, whanganui,

WHO PROTECTS US FROM EVIL AND WHAT ALL ELSE

is “blinking mad”, and the volcano is going to explode.

brain, obviously, does not believe in whanganui, and is mostly just mad that he’s lost his workforce. still, as pinky points out,

“at least we've still got brainania!”

“i sense life has taken another sardonic twist.”

still, they do, barely, have enough time to reach the shoreline and start swimming away from the imminently exploding volcano. perhaps it should have been, yknow, a pretty decent sign that the natives cleared out. historically, people who live in these places tend to know about them, but what of that when brain is number one guy same same you savvy.

🙄

anyway the karmatic response to all of that previous racism is that a tidal wave sweeps them back onto the volcano,

which then blasts them into space.

(okay not literally space. but they do end up on a little raft in the middle of the ocean. don’t ask me where the raft came from. i have no idea.)

oof.

“mother nature has slammed her unmerciful fist on our fair isle, pinky.”

“do you know what this means?”

“birdy birdy birdy!!!!”

brain does not appreciate Birdy Birdy Birdy.

“blast it, pinky!”

“i said, do you know what this means!!”

“it means you just ripped up our foreign aid cheque.”

one should be enough, huh?

brain: 7 pinky: 7 outside influence: 13

like, i don’t know. maybe pinky shouldn’t have been making oragami birds out of the foreign aid cheque. but, while silly, it’s not like it did any harm. brain.... brain just needs to chill.

“well, aren’t you the tiniest foreigners i’ve had in here all morning. i’m mr appleby, can i help you?”

“yes. we would like to have relations with you. and steal some milk duds.”

“we wish to establish diplomatic relations with the us. i am the prime minister, and this is my minister of finance.”

“brainania--? oh, i remember you. you used to be a.... suburb of prague.”

“can you prove you’re a nation?”

“yes! we have postcards.”

“that’s the fjord of pinky.”

“you foreign folk sure have your own.... queer little ways.”

#patb #pinky and the brain #i did not like this episose much but. i suppose it was like thirty years ago #bizarrely it's actually more respectful to the natives than a lot of cartoons at the time were which is #even worse actually.

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years ago

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https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHDBpb/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHCTwq/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHUxHb/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHDxww/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHCtVm/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHCvo3/

She's hilarious but there's two videos where she starts to speak more mumblingly

ok first of all these are brilliant and i'm losing my mind and i love you, thank you for curating these to me.

i will transcribe them in a bit but i just felt the need to leave this "little" (it's long sorry) note:

as someone who's been raised catholic i just want to say that she is pretty wrong about almost everything she said about catholics, and i say that as someone who hates catholicism with my whole mind body and soul and who's been traumatized by this stupid fucking faith to the point where i can't get into a church without breaking into sobs dauihdasiuh. the catholic guilt is real but catholics are absolutely allowed to divorce and use contraceptives, and also have sex before marriage. the first one is met with some guilt esp from women altho honestly i think it's more due to mysoginist reasons than religious reasons, and the second and third ones are commonpractice and if you say that it's wrong and bad everyone will think you're a fucking weirdo

and even with the divorce thing, while the guilt is there (im pretty sure half the reason my mom doesn't divorce is because she would feel guilty about it, although again, i feel like that's got very little to do with religion and way more with internalized mysoginy), i cannot stress enough that divorce is allowed, almost everyone i know has divorced parents and they're all catholics. the church's official position is kinda weird (as of now pope francis basically said that it's "morally necessary" in some cases but he also referred to ppl who divorced and remarried as "imperfect", but like, it hasn't been forbidden for years, so much so that people get second marriages at catholic churches literally all the time, and i kinda feel like ppl overestimate how much ppl care about what the pope says. at least here in latam, cuz we've always kind of freestyled religion since it was imposed on us anyway, but like... in my experience the average catholic practitioner is INCREDIBLY less conservative than the vatican and i feel like most people don't even know what the pope says or doesn't say. and i'm saying that as someone whose grandfather almost became a priest and only gave that up because he fell in love with my grandmother, and he's been a ferverent catholic his entire life. also two of his kids divorced, one married a divorced woman, one is gay and living together without marriage with his divorced boyfriend, one never married, and one had two kids before marriage which necessarily means that they fucked, and none of that was ever a problem to him. oh, also, my dad had divorced AND he was a buddhist when him and my mom married. currently he is a spiritist)

i think it might be possible that u technically have to ask for "permission" to the church to remarry in church, but in practice i think it's more of a ritualistic thing than actually asking for permission, cuz i've never met a single person who had them say no. it was pretty much "hey local bishop guy so my husband sucked and we divorced can i marry again" "sure lol". obviously it sucks that you even have to ask, but it's nowhere near as strict as people seem to think

the contraceptive thing is also absurd. like i cannot stress enough that my family would absolutely flip if they found out i DIDN'T use contraception. that was always something that my family reinforced very strongly, ESPECIALLY my grandpa. i've never met a single catholic who does not teach their kids to use contraceptives. my high school was catholic (literally named the Holy Cross, fun times, although they didn't impose the faith or anything. in fact almost half of the students in that school are jewish, but like, still, there was a priest in the school board) and we were taught to use contraceptives, put the condom in a banana and the whole pizzazz during biology class

like yeah the bible says not to but it also says not to mix different fabrics and that doesn't mean it's actually a thing that's reinforced in most catholic communities doaihdaj at least not here in latam. in here non-catholic christians are actually way more hardcore about the puritanism rules than catholics are, particularly evangelicals, which are kind of overtaken the catholics' traditional role of being colonialist fuckers as they are mostly from the US so they come to further US imperialism through religion here. watch out catholic church they're coming for ur crown

and even outside of puritanism, "non practicing catholics" are absolutely a thing like ppl who are catholic but don't even pray or go to church, much less care about that shit douahdsaohj so like the stereotype that all catholics are like the very small minority of hardcore catholics is like the stereotype that every muslim lives by the ultra-conservative muslim rules. it's not true and it's stereotypical and taking the minority ultra conservatives to be the rule when they are not

there's also the fact that there are many different currents of thought inside the catholic church (a little bit like with judaism although way less flexible than judaism is), some of which are very conservative, some of which are progressive. here in latam in particular the teology of liberation is extremely popular (it's the one my family subscribes to, and i'm pretty sure it was actually born here in latam) and it's pretty progressive. for catholics, that is

and like mandatory disclaimer that i am coming from my own experiences with latam catholicism, which i feel is different from other catholic countries - my polish friends for example have experiences with catholicism that are a lot closer to those stereotypes than mine ever were - but since most of the catholic population in the world is brazilian (like me), and second place goes to mexicans, i feel pretty comfortable taking it as a ruler to measure general catholic practices

with that being said, however, the catholic church can choke and die in a fire as it is a symbol of colonialism first and foremost, its proselitism is one of the worst things ever, and even the progressive currents are still way too damn conservative for my tastes. i just don't feel comfortable transcribing something that i know is incorrect and stereotypical (and that in some cases is used to further oppression like with the Irish in the UK or armenian catholics, and i've even had some US-diaspora latinos hear some incredible things from gringos who assumed they were catholic, or, in their beautiful words, "had latino religion". but obviously in most cases catholics are the oppressors, especially here in the third world)

also, her assessment in the third video is absolutely correct. A/B/O IS just conservative gender roles born of christian and catholic imposition transposed to a fictional world where the genders have slightly different names, which is why i, as a rule, hate it dauhdsaiuhdauhda and even though the assessment that catholicism is thaaat much more conservative than other christian religions (it's absolutely not, it's Exactly As Conservative) isn't true, catholicism is still where most if not all of western conservative rethoric is born of, and ugh, it's so refreshing to see someone understand this and put it into words so well

so yeah keep that note in mind but anyway, transcriptions:

[Video transcription #1: in reply to a tiktok question, which says, "now i'm thinking about the catholic guilt that would come with it oh my god". user @Omarsbigsister is saying, "good morning", she then covers her mouth as she starts to laugh, before continuing, "I guess I'm the religious omegaverse tiktoker now. I did not know catholic guilt was more than just sex, I thought it was just about sex, but nO. people who are catholic, if you don't know, they get guilt over every little thing, they get guilty when they eat, they have guilt when, like... [dismissive gesture] they have fun... it's messed up *cut* [mumbling i don't understand, sorry] in which you HAVE to be bonded before... *sticks tongue out* *cut* and catholics, from what i know, uhm, cannot get divorced, so you can't be unbonded, you're stuck for life with that alpha or omega, and then you can't use contraceptives so if you have a heat or rut, good luck, you cannot escape it, and on top of that, they preach abstinence, right, so if you're having a heat or rut in your teen years you just gotta deal with it alone like you are not allowed to be bonded, so, that would be really intense."

#2: in response to a question, which said, "follow up question: if in the real world hijabis are women, in ABO universe would hijabis be omegas of all genders?". the user is shown stroking her chin in contemplative silence for a long time, before she says, "actually, both men and women have to wear a hijab, it's just more visible on women, but men also have to cover from like, the neck all the way down... so like when you see them [mumbling i don't understand, sorry] that's their hijab. *cut* Islam is actually treating men and women, like, fairly somewhat equally, so, I feel like in omegaverse alphas, betas, and omegas would all be held to the same standards, and alphas and omegas would also be held by the same standards but then culture would ruin it, just like western culture has ruined it. for your other question. 'would muslim families prefer betas more, and would betas be spiritual leaders', i feel like everyone prefers betas more, but then also Islam came to like, uplift women [a written note then shows up, which says, "like girls are seen as a blessing to have as kids"], so like omegas would be seen as like, a blessing to have as a child.

#3: in response to another tiktok question, which says, "fun fact bestie you cannot get divorced in the catholic religion even if your spouse is abusive and horrible to you so in omegaverse how would that work?". she replies, "the reason that Abrahamic religions seemingly fit so well into the omegaverse universe is because catholicism specifically and christianity, uhm, all the gender norms and all the cultural norms especially in the west came from catholicism and christianity, they were forced on people, and then you know, people might not be religious, but the norms stay. but now you have omegaverse which is basically just a bunch of like youth exploring the youth through this, like, werewolf fanfiction trope, using all these gender roles that you have in society on their head, so, really, what i'm saying, is that... omegaverse is just catholicism fanfiction"

#4: she looks at the camera and says, "getting islamophobic comments is one thing, but getting islamophobic comments that say that muslims cannot be in the omegaverse".... she then breaks into laughter for a solid 30 seconds

#5: she is shown reading out loud, in a mock-outraged face, a tweet that says, "about to murder tiktok they try to make Ramadan a 'quirky' trend. it's a religious holiday. stop it, get some help. /srsly /g.", then a follow-up tweet, which says, "saw a tweet saying on tiktok they are asking questions about how ramadan would work in omegaverse. i'm done with y'all, just say you disrespect muslims and go". then another tweet by a different user, which says, "i tried to read, i got secondhand embarrassment-" they then break out of character and say, "oh, that's fair," before going back, "if it wasn't ramadan i'd be boxing those people right now. those people should be ashamed to even think that way wtf". then another, which replies, "well i'm not celebrating it, so as a non-muslim, i'll happily box them". then, back to her normal voice, she says, "i really was just making a silly little tiktok and seeing that stuff really hurts... i'm just kidding, i can't keep a straight face. you like minecraft youtubers, what are you gonna do to me? what are you gonna do to me?"

#6: in reply to a tiktok ask, which said, "prince philip was an omega". she slowly films herself as she takes a walk, finds the nearest trash bin, and tosses the phone there, before putting the lid over the box. end ID]

#i hope u dont take that as me being mad at u anon #honestly i could care less if ppl offended catholics #i just dont like spreading misinformation and once i started writing i couldnt stop #the videos are still amazing and spot on tho except for the first one #long post #discourse #catholicism tw

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mywitchcultblr · 4 years ago

Note

The chantry is right and mages should be in the circle. Solas and anders are terrorists and anyone who believes they arent is delusional or a hypocrite. Anders killed a hundred innocent civillian non combatants and solas wants to tear down the veil killing millions in the process. But yes we should let the people causing firestorms and summoning demons go completely un supervised

MY FIRST ARGUMENT AGAINST A TEMPLAR BOOTLICKER! YAAY!

@lordaspoons Ok listen, first of all, I'm not felassan nor dalishlicious, my writings style is different and not as good as them, and I love to use a lot of profanities in my writings, so if you ever find ‘shit ‘ or ‘fuck’ in a post, not sorry I SWEAR THIS POST HAVE MORE THAN 7K WORDS! That’s why it took MONTHS for me to answer it

TEMPLAR AND CHANTRY ARE GOD-AWFUL AND CIRCLE IS NOT NECESSARY

Let’s see the canonical narrative okay? Let's take a look at Dragon Age keep descriptions of each MAGES heroes story and background.

Mage Hawke:

The son of Malcolm Hawke and Leandra Amell, Garrett has lived in many places throughout Ferelden. His father was a mage whose gifts were passed onto both Garrett and Bethany, Malcolm's daughter.

Malcolm refused to submit himself to the Chantry's rule; he kept his abilities a secret and taught his children to do the same.

Therefore, the family was constantly on the move to avoid templar hunters. Ten years ago, the family settled in the village of Lothering, building a home on the outskirts and making a life where they wouldn't forever be on the run.

Though Leandra worried constantly that the templars would one day catch up with them, Malcolm's teachings were sufficient to keep them safe.

He died three years ago, leaving Garrett responsible for the welfare of his mother and younger siblings. When the Blight began, Carver enlisted in King Cailan's regiment, saying the horde spilling from the Korcari Wilds meant their home would be quickly overrun if the darkspawn were not defeated immediately.

If the circle is not a goddamn prison that literally abused and drive so many mages to commit suicide then why the fuck hawke father decided to escaped and run away? The fact that even though his wife is a noble, a noble who should have been powerful enough to support him and their children and protect Malcom and their children with her name and connection is Kirkwall were forced to live in secret and ON THE RUN WITH HER FAMILY! is another of many many proofs that the system that chantry created for Thedas HURT everyone, whatever you are a peasant or a noble, if you have a mage in your family then they will be imprisoned in a circle that definitely will abuse them or you are forced to hide with them and run away from home.

IS QUARANTINE DRIVE YOU INSANE? ARE YOU BORED? WANNA GO OUT WITH FRIENDS? WANNA GRAB A MEAL IN A RESTAURANT? OR GET A HAIRCUT?

Remember De’Launcet fucking quote:

“You don’t understand. I’ve been in the Circle since I was six. Six! For Twenty years I was locked up. Never had a real drink, or... cooked something for myself. Never stood in the rain... or kissed a girl.”.

You cannot treat people like that! You can’t! it’s not right to imprison and enslaved people, mages, like that, there’s no justification to deny basic human rights/rights for any races. Imagine how desperate, depressed, touch-starved and horny you are, if you are not allowed to touch a woman who consented to have sex with you, imagine beingfucking locked up for twenty years and never feel the rain on your face.

Maybe you should try being locked up for most of YOUR LIFE, for shit you never did in your life ever, aka committed horrible crimes that you never committed in the first place?

Where’s the logic? Where’s the humanity? Andrastianism and The chantry is the worst religion and the worst religious institution in Thedas, and templars are not champion of the just, they are champion of abusers.

But besides because of religious zealotry and dogma, why did the chantry locked up and enslaved mages in circle and put templar in circle to fucking abused them? OH RIGHT! I KNOW! its for power and profits, because using slave labor to make enchantments and used mages as soldiers who never wanted to be dragged into war in the first place, it was and as prison/free labor to mass products enchantments is profitable for the chantry. !GROSS! DISGUSTING! Disgusting really. The circle system is not only a prison camp, but also an institutional slavery.

GROSS! DISGUSTING! But it sounds like any oppressive nations/institutions ever that used prison camp free labor to built factories and to work in their factories right?

Disgusting really.

Hey, LOOK AT HERO OF FERELDEN AND INQUSITOR EXPERIENCES IN THE CIRCLE! WHOA, IT WAS AWFUL!

For Mage!Trevelyan:

Born to the Trevelyan noble family of Ostwick in the Free Marches, you were originally intended for a life of privilege—until magical abilities surfaced at a young age and you were forced into a life of confinement within Ostwick's Circle of Magi. Protected but stifled, educated but isolated, the Circle would have been your entire future had the mages not rebelled against Chantry rule.

Trevelyan said that templars are a piece of shit who has two fucking faces (he said it to Josie) they smiled at mages (fake) but then they turned into as still as tone when a mage was punished ‘harshly”

Remember what Cassandra said when mages find out that Tranquility can be reversed, dipshit fucking seeker, lord seeker lucius punished mages ‘harshly’ and there were deaths, and by definition of harsh for mages in thedas is:

Rape

Isolation in an isolation cell (like what happened to Anders for a year!)

Starved to death like what happened to the real Cole

Tranquility or they are just killed.

Every mages, adult or child, has seen or experiences abuses daily in their life, you can imagine the physical and physiologicalphysicological damages that templar and chantry have inflicted on them. As a person who was fucking abused by her own father, Ii know too well how lasting scars could damage you for life.

TO ANYONE WHO DISMISSED ABUSES ESPECIALLY ABUSE THAT WAS PERPETRATED BY A RELIGIOUS SYSTEM/INSTITUTION, here take my middle finger AND SHOVE IT UP TO YOUR ASSES!

Look Hero Of Ferelden life when she was still stuck in the circle:

The Hero of Ferelden belonged to the Circle of Magi in Ferelden, and resided in the tower at Lake Calenhad for most of her life. First Enchanter Irving recommended the Hero to Grey Warden Commander Duncan; shortly after the Hero's Harrowing, Duncan recruited her into the order.

https://mllemaenad.tumblr.com/search/mage+warden+

https://dalishious.tumblr.com/post/190968276307/mage-child-are-the-templars-coming-for-us-mage

Mage child: Are the templars coming for us?

Mage child: Is death painful? Am I going to die?

HEY WANNA TAKE A LOOK AT SER ALRIK? THE SERIAL ABUSER AND RAPIST?

This is a letter that Alrik send to justinia before he died.To Her Excellency, Divine Justinia,I am well aware both you and Knight-Commander Meredith have rejected my proposal, but I beg you to reconsider. The mages in the Free Marches are past controlling, their numbers have doubled in three years, and they have found a way to plant their abominations in our ranks. They cannot be contained!

The Tranquil Solution is our answer. All mages at the age of majority must be made Tranquil. They'll coexist peacefully, retain their usefulness—a perfect strategy! It's simply the best way to ensure mages obey the laws of men and Maker.I remain, as always, your obedient servant,

Tranquil solution? Sounds like what Henrich Himmler said about Jews!

Because Tranquility is a genocidal weapon that the chantry used to decreased the mages population and culling them, hmmm you heard about an 11 YEARS OLD GIRL WHO was MADE A FUCKING TRANQUIL IN KIRKWAL?

Here I will give you a link to dalishious post about a young mage, 11 years old kid who was made tranquil by templar and chantry: https://dalishious.tumblr.com/post/620951635453149184/im-confused-it-says-that-she-requested-to-be|

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING *spit on chantry and templar*

There’s no fucking justification for turning a kid into a tranquil, neither raped woman who was made tranquil or mages in general just because they have magic. Alrik and his man are known for abusing and raped tranquil on a daily occasion, and they were granted a title, position, money, and job by the chantry, meredith is a bitch who treated mages like a slave, she was drunk on red lyrium, she didn’t do shit for refugee and she fucking took over Kirkwall seat of government, forcefully, while it was not her job to lording over Kirkwall like a power-hungry bitch.

And for years no one checked on this bitch, because miss little grand cleric of Kirkwall is part of Meredith group, and no matter what unless the chantry got fucking destroyed or HEAVILY REFORMED like what Divine Leliana did, people like Meredith and

Ser Alrik will never be held accountable by the chantry or any rulers in Southern Thedas (except by King Alistair who gave rebel mages a safe refugee place I guess) because most shit heads who ruled in Thedas profited from oppression and slavery of their PEOPLE, OF MAGES AND ELVES.

You are a modern man, how could you ever side with the medieval church like the chantry? YOU KNOW THAT MEDIEVAL VATICAN AND TEMPLAR OF OUR WORLD WERE AWFUL RIGHT?

You knew that the vatican/church in the medieval era trapped people in dark ages with their regressive politic and dogma, you knew that gay people and woman were burned alive just because they were gay and just because they are? Woman? Maybe some of them truly practiced magic, but hey magic is cool.

I don’t understand at all, this fucking hatred and bigotry against mages and elves that spewed by some people in the fandom, anyone who hates mages and elves inherently hates them for who they are, for simply who they are.

My burning hatred for templar and chantry were caused by templar and chantry terrible actions for the past 10000 YEARS!!!!!!!! And not because they don't have magic or just because they are human.

The chantry brainwashed human to dehumanize others

I think this is one of the most disturbing crime the chantry ever committed for the past 1000 years, I can’t even help but shudder in disgust every time i heard chantry sisters or brother calling other people ‘abomination’ or ‘heretic’ because i know how dangerous religious zealotry can be.

As a Muslim who live in Indonesia i have seen people being thrown out of their house or whipped in public (In Aceh province)

2.NOW MAGES ALLIED BY THE THE INQUISITOR AND THE INQUISITION IS THE CANON PATH!

(deal with it honestly)

First of all, when The inquisitor went to Val Royeaux, the inquisition met with Lord Seeker who was arguing with chantry sister, he didn’t want to listen to her, and then he punched her (bitch fucking deserve it, to be honest, chantry members except anyone whose not bigoted like Leliana and Giselle deserve to be punched) he insulted the inquisition and the inquisitor! ( what a Bastard Dick! Well, templar order is gone and he’s going to die anyway so....Whatever)

When the Inquisitor went back to the way he came from (from Val Royeaux gate)

FIONA LEADER OF FREE MAGES HERSELF, DESPITE THE RISK AND DANGERS, WAS WILLING TO PERSONALLY GAVE AN OFFER OF ALLIANCES BETWEEN REBEL/FREE MAGES WITH THE INQUSITION.

FIONA GOES ALL THE WAY, FROM SAFETY OF REDCLIFF VILLAGE TO VAL ROYEAUX JUST SO SHE CAN meet WITH THE INQUISITOR AND OFFERED HIM AN ALLIANCES WITH OTHER REBEL MAGES (Of course The inquisitor accepted it, he’s a rebel mage after all duh!)

From the very beginning you can see which path is the preferred freaking option, Its In Hushed Whispers and not the other one.

Besides it would make more sense for the sake of continuity to find out about the rift, time magic, who’s the mastermind behind what happened in Redcliff Village (Alexius tricked Fiona and other mages with time magic and blood magic to signed up with Tevinter) AND HOW FUTURE WITH CORYPHEUS WON LOOKS LIKE, rather than I don’t know.....Whatever bullshit in Therinfal Redoubt.

SECOND. Free alliances with rebel mages definitely would give The inquisition more advantages, first mages knew how to deal with magic and the fade, mages are more suited and powerful to fight against enemies that cannot be defeated by shield and swords.

THIRD.

THERE WERE NO ACCIDENT, NO UNWANTED POSSESSION OR EVEN NO POSSESSION AT ALL, NO DISASTER, AND NO ‘ABOMINATION’ .

FOURTH. THE MAGES CONSUMED fewer RESOURCES BECAUSE THEY DONT NEED LYRIUM TO FEED THEIR ADDICTION/CAST SPELLS.

FIFTH.

FOR A WHOLE YEAR DURING CAMPAIGN AGAINST CORYPHEUS, MAGES HAS PROVEN THAT THEY CAN TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES, MAGES WERE DISCIPLINED, RELIABLE AND BOTH THEDAS, INQUISITION, PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN SKYHOLD AND MAGES THEMSELVES ARE FINE WITH THE MAGES BEING FREE, WITHOUT RELIGIOUS SLAVERS WHO OWN THEM, WITHOUT JAILER WATCHING THEIR BACK.

SIX. SPIRITS AND DEMONS were LITERALLY EVERYWHERE, AND EXCUSE ME, HAVE FRANCOIS EVER RECEIVED/READ REPORTS ABOUT HIS FELLOW MAGES FALL INTO DEMON POSSESSION? HELL NO! NOT EVEN ONCE

SEVEN.

MAGES ALLIED AS FULL ALLY WOULD BE MORE INDEPENDENT, AND THEY COULD TEACHED YOUNG MAGES HOW TO SURVIVE ON THEIR OWN, THEY COULD BE MORE INVOLVED WITH SOCIETY, AND MAGES ASSIMILATED TO SOCIETY

AND FINALLY.

DO YOU want A ANOTHER FUCKING PROOF OF MAGES FREEDOM BEING SUCCESSFUL? DO YOU WANT LITERAL CANON PROOF THAT MAGES BEING FREE IS ONE OF THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED IN THEDAS?

The Inquisition's mages – the former rebels led by Grand Enchanter Fiona – are left with a choice.

Alliance

Leliana is Divine

When Leliana disbands the Circles, they leave the Inquisition and reform the College of Enchanters as a new order. The College, they say, will allow mages of the South to gather in peace and seek new solutions to age-old problems. For the moment, it appears to be working – mages are enjoying unprecedented acceptance throughout Thedas.

Epilogue for mages freedom in Trespasser:

NOW College of Enchanters, Thedas third or fourth most powerful mage order and government (third if Rivain mages flocked to The College but I think Rivain mages after all mages has been freed (remember its canon) they will unite with Rivain government or if College Of Enchanters turned out to be stronger than mages order in rivain ) , the college is third/fourth-strongest order after Tevinter obviously, Nevarra death mages, and Rivain mages.

And everything is totally fine.

Leliana Divine, Mages recruited as allies

The end of the Inquisition as it had been sent shock waves through the College of Enchanters. Madam de Fer ably played on the mages' fear. Her followers united to build a new Circle - with Vivienne as its Grand Enchanter - in direct competition with the College. What the Circle lacked in numbers, they made up for in political connections; soon they were a force to be reckoned with.

Well about this stuff in trespasser it’s just vivienne stuff I guess *shrug*

College of enchanters will always exist because like I said before so many many many times, that ever since Hero of Ferelden Era, To Kirkwall and then to Dragon 4:41/ 4:44, the canon and preferred path is to support mages and elves equality and freedom!!!!

THERE I GIVE YOU ONE, AND IT WAS MORRIGAN WHO SAID IT HERSELF.

Even a chantry sister from haven admitted that the mages looked happier and she said that she supports/give them chance to

SO WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?! CIRCLE IS NEVER BEEN FUCKING NEEDED! IT WAS JUST DRAKON STUPID BIGOTED MOVES TO ENSLAVED AND COLLARED MAGES AND ELVES.

Rivain mages were fine, and their society worked well with mages have their freedom Rivain trained their female mages to be seers, and seers hold important positions within Rivain government and society, oh but what happened? When the chantry fucking find out that Rivain didn’t treat their mages like shits and slave, that Rivain treated mages with respect like any other people.

The chantry fucking send right on annulment and committed genocide against Rivain fucking mages, chantry you shit organization, Rivain will hate you more than before and I wouldn’t be surprised if the grand cathedral in Rivain will go boom too (i will support it, fuck those people) the chantry literally murdered children there and committed genocide against people of Rivain, No one will defend them in Rivain, no one.

Codex Entry:

When we heard of the injustices against our fellow mages at the White Spire, the Circle of Magi in Val Royeaux, I feared what was to come. Our Circle at Dairsmuid is small and isolated; it exists largely as a façade to appease the Chantry.

When the other Circles rose up, the Chantry sent Seekers across the bay from Ayesleigh to investigate. They found us mixing freely with our families, training female mages in the traditions of the seers, and denounced us as apostates. Perhaps they thought we were spineless robes who could be intimidated with a little bloodshed. Before I was first enchanter, I was the daughter of Captain Revaud, of the Felicisima Armada. I know how to plan a battle.They brought with them a small army of templars. We fought. And we might have won. But they invoked the Right of Annulment, with all the unrelenting brutality that allowed.

It is their right to put screaming apprentices to the sword, burn our "tainted" libraries, crush irreplaceable artifacts under their heels, tear down the very walls of our home.

No mage has the right to disagree. We of the Dairsmuid Circle wait now, behind barricades. I have sent word to our brother and sister mages of this outrage. When they breakthrough, we will not die alone.—Final journal entry of First Enchanter R

Whoaa look at the chantry and templar, casually committed genocide because they are ass hole who cannot accept that they are wrong, maybe they should accept those different nations have different cultures and traditions? Hmmm, maybe templar and chantry should accept that people are not a mother fucking weapon and slaves to be used and imprisoned since they discovered their magic, chantry and Templar should learn when to stop, and they should learn that they didn’t know shit and doesn’t want to know shits about spirits? self-righteous much?

Circle system, templar system, and chantry system cannot be saved because it’s just awful, those systems systematically oppressed and abused people, and we all know that time and time again YOU CANNOT KEEP PEOPLE OPPRESSED AND ENSLAVED FOREVER, THEY WILL REBEL AND SOONER OR LATER THEY WILL WIN THEIR FREEDOM AND THE OLD SYSTEM WILL BE BURNED TO DUST.

No matter how you tried change the circle/templar system, it will always be prone to corruption, because the system put templar above mages, and when someone have more legal immunity and power above other people, then abuses of authority will always happen, hey....LOOK AT COPS IN OUR WORLD.

if anyone tries to prevent other people from being equal and free just like any outer people there who have privileges and advantages, holy shit you are horrible, that’s a shitty bigoted view.

BEFORE INQUISITION WAS EVEN REBUILT, MYTHAL AND MORRIGAN PREDICTED THAT THERE WILL BE GREAT CHANGES COMING, MORRIGAN PREDICTED THERE WILL BE A HERALD OF CHANGES IN THEDAS.

They were talking about The Inquisitor who will completely turn Thedas upside down and changed systems that Thedas know it with better ones.

SO why even bother to fucking keep an old system that doesn’t work and very oppressive and it was designed to imprison and enslaved people?

okay, listen here you little templar- oh I mean Ex-Templar, because templar order of the south is just gone forever ( who the hell wanted to be a templar again after people knew how dangerous lyrium could be? Especially after they saw lumbering red templar ABOMINATION, *not sorry they are really ugly bastard* Wrecking havoc all across Thedas

3.MAGE FREEDOM AND DESTRUCTION OF TEMPLAR ORDER IS A GOOD THING FOR EVERYONE AND FOR THEDAS!

Let me explain it to ya!

1. Mages won their freedom means, no more tranquil, there would be no more long-suffering half walking, half living person who’s cursed in the emotionless body (well at least in the south)

2. Mages could finally raise their own children, have family, married without fear and they don't have to run away from templar and chantry if they want to marry someone, mages children who were taken forcefully from their parents could finally meet their parents again, you don't want kids who were kidnapped from their family since a young age to be reunited with a family who loves them and misses them so much? Holy shit that’s monstrous.

3. Mage Orphan who has no relatives/family/home/ or friends to return could stay with College of Enchanters with other mages.

4. No more children will be kidnapped from the parents, no more mother who will lose their mage baby again because the templar and chantry ripped their baby away from their arms, never again.

5. New Generations of Mages kids who never have to endure torture and abuses in the circle, they can grow up in a safe and happy environment with their family or with the college.

6. Mages actively participated in society, and they can invent a great many things for Thedas modernization and advancement, remember Zither? He’s a mage and he uses his magic to play in a band, imagine the possibilities of Thedas technology-magic advancement with unrestrained magic, boi based on the newest leak, it seems like Arlathan was a magical cyberpunk empire.

7. As a free citizen, many mages abilities/ skill can be implemented for different kinds of jobs, hey remember Lysas who wanted to be a mage farmer? Agriculture in Thedas could be improved with magic, Medication, and medical studies could be greatly modernized with magic, not to mention fashion, opera/plays, and music, hell even professional chef jobs will be much easier with magic, The inquisitor used telekinesis/spell to fixes broken bridges, and lit a veil fire are another example that magic could be used for mundane stuff and not just for

8. College of Enchanters definitely would be a steadfast ally for The Inquisition and The inquisitor, and not to mention that the Inquisition new operations area would be in the north/Tevinter, mages would be able to help greatly. 9. With templar order gone forever in southern Thedas, then there will be no more people who are force feed lyrium and suffer from lyrium addiction to the point they become a beggar because they wasted all of their coins for lyrium. 10. So mages now are free, no more circle, then what’s the point of templar or seeker anymore? Actually Seeker, circle and templar are never needed, then how southern Thedas should handle with magic related crime or just crime in general, well I’ts easy, you see mages guard in Tamriel world? You know those guards in Skyrim? Or guard/law enforcer in Warcraft world who use magic? With mages free they also can work as guards

Why templar and chantry bootlicker literally believed in The chantry fearmongering false propaganda about mages and magic? It’s like medieval Vatican bullshit! fearmongering about technology and ‘sin’, fearmongering about spirit and magic?

We live in the modern era! So stop believing chantry propaganda!

Stop living as if its the 10th centuries, don’t keep clinging on the awful terrible system and it’s past, dude, see the future in front of you, and try to be positive about progressive changes. You know what happened to a world who refused to change? Yeah man look at Anor Londo, everything rot there. And have we ever heard about terrible accident that was caused by mages from College of Enchanters? Or by any mages at all? NO ONE EVER CONFIRMED THAT FREE MAGES OF THE SOUTH WRECKED HAVOC ALL ACROSS THEDAS, BECAUSE THE FREE MAGES DIDN’T DO ANYTHING AT ALL. AND THE MAGES HAS BEEN FREE FOR TWO YEARS! COLLEGE OF ENCHANTERS HAS BEEN OPERATING FOR TWO YEARS WITHOUT ANYONE ENSLAVED AND JAILED THEM Hey man, i gave you straight fact that mages being free is the best choice to support, and facts that nothing bad happened with mages being free, so your theory and your fear (that actually is just wrong, and it’s sounds kinda like paranoia to be honest Persecution is really stupid, that’s why it’s called persecution in the first place. HA!

ANDERS WAS, RIGHT!

‘Terrorist’ is a term that can be overused and utilized by people in power to demean and demonized freedom fighter/Resistance movement against tyranny.

https://mllemaenad.tumblr.com/search/is+anders+terrorist%3F

There’s fuck tons examples of people who were falsely accused as terrorists by tyrannical power to labeled them as a danger and to demonize them, while ‘the terrorist’ who fight for equality and freedom were demanding their people to be treated like a human, and they wanted equal rights.

examples:

[ I am an Indonesian btw, so I knew personally some stuff about dictator and dictatorship government]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgwS_FMZ3nQ&ab_channel=PhilosophyTube

https://www.britannica.com/event/resistance-European-history

https://www.thejakartapost.com/academia/2020/09/07/long-road-to-see-justice-over-munirs-murder.html

As an Indonesian woman, our people were oppressed by many European nations, from Dutch To British to French and Portuguese, our nations were stripped and reduced to mere colonies of European powers, our people were enslaved in their own lands, woman raped and children murdered, then after Dutch leave, because Hitler almost sunk their nation during WWII, Japan fucking invaded our land and then enslaved us again!

Japan lost the world war alongside with its axis allies, YAAY! We are free, but wait, the Dutch Empire was such a baby they wanted their ‘toys’ , they fucking demanded the allies to helped them invaded Indonesia again because in the eye of Dutch Empire we are nothing but their slaves to be milked dry and taken advantages of, but we fought back! And now all Indonesian people from children to the elderly are free!

Did Indonesian people won their freedom and built their nation with being subservient and asked nicely?

FUCK NO, blood was spilled and heads were cut, a lot of head, but at least now generations upon generations of Indonesian people will never taste the brutality of slavery and how does it feel to be enslaved. Our first president was considered as a menace and a terrorist by Dutch Royalty, he was imprisoned in isolation but managed to escape over and over again!

But wait, if any person who rebelled against the government regardless of their intentions can be labeled as a terrorist *gasp* IS THAT MEAN GEORGE FUCKING WASHINGTON WAS A TERRORIST?! Apparently, by British Empire standards, he was.

The guy and his friends waged a war against the crown, because British Empire keep treated American colony like shit, from the perspective of King George, Washington was a piece of shit who kept ruined his country and his colonies, but boi Americans would be angry if someone called Washington a terrorist right? Because for them, Washington's struggle and rebellion were righteous.

YOU CAN’T SIMPLY USE THE LABEL OF ‘TERRORIST’ TO CONDEMN ANDERS AND HIS ACTIONS WITHOUT EVEN UNDERSTAND HIS MOTIVE.

Because if you keep doing then, in your perspective every single freedom fighter who rebelled against cruelty and tyranny should be condemned?

We are talking about what is a ‘terrorist’ here, and if you want to label someone as a terrorist then you have to read their manifesto, understand their motive, try to hear what they wanted to say, and understand the core of ideas behind their rebellion.

Here’s the thing, will you call the Stonewall riot as an act of terrorism? ( i presume from your blog description you are a supporter of LGBT right? )

What about Joachim Ronnenberg? A man who leads a daring raid against Nazi Germany nuclear weapon factory had the german succeded in their efforts, we might have read devastating histories about the nuclear bomb that destroyed London like what happened to Nagasaki and Hiroshima.

From the perspective of Nazi Germany...This guy wasis a terrorist and an enemy!

But it feels so wrong to describe freedom fighter as a terrorist right? How could we label people who resist nazi Germany as a terrorist?!

Because we know, despite the casualties, despite everything that happened, what they did was right, and they needed to fight back.

Allies marched to Berlin was the right thing to do, American colonies rebelled despite they knew that a lot of people will die in war, but have you ever condemned the founding father and his people for their rebellion? Or argued that it wasn’t necessary for them to rebelled. Soekarno wars and rebellion against dutch colonists and invaders cannot be condemned, because objectively, no one should support slavery and colonization of other nations.

French people were so sick and tired of their nobilities and royalties bullshit to the point they cut off their own monarch head, but they were right, because French Monarchy was corrupt and incompetent, while nobles and royalties were feasting and drinking as if there’s no tomorrow, poor people in French can’t even afford bread.

Trans and Gay people who fight back and demonstrated against injustice was right, the woman who demonstrated and rioted against the oppressive system and patriarchy was right.

WE KNEW DEEP DOWN THEIR CAUSE ARE NOT EVIL, OR CONDEMNABLE, THEIR CAUSES ARE OBJECTIVELY RIGHT!

But what if it were someone like Adolf Hitler who hmmm rebelled against the Weimar Republic, back before his raises to power around 1920-1923, I’m sure that you are familiar with his Beer Hall Putsch, when he held 14 mass meetings in Germany, for the nazi it was a historical moment, ‘a glorious resistance against the weak and incompetent Weimar Republic’

For his supporter it was glorious, but despite their best efforts to convinced themselves that they were right, WE KNEW HE WAS NOT RIGHT, Nazi was god awful.

What is the core idea of nazism? (I'm going to compare it with socialism/communism because some people keep saying that communism is just like nazi, and it's absolutely wrong)

https://www.britannica.com/topic/communism/Marxian-communism

https://www.britannica.com/event/Nazism

They are very different. Ya see despite some people who keep yelling that communist is just nazism by any other name. ( and I’m not a communist)

Adolf Hitler might see himself as a savior, a martyr, and his party also people who supported him

richard spencer, see himself as a ‘liberator’ and voice of white people, but behind all of his fucking bullshit, his core ideas are just Naziism, he is a nazi, Richard Spencer is a white supremacist so does any other alt-right edge lord on the internet who insisted that they are not nazi, despite the fact they fucking followed nazi ideologies and practiced hatred ( btw nazi ideology is based on white supremacist and eugenic ideologies too, so what’s the difference really?” Nazi is white supremacists and white supremacists will always be a nazi)

Alright and how all of it ties back to Anders and mage rebellion, you might ask, ‘why did you write about histories lessons that I already knew about?’

Well templar child, it’s all lead back

TO THE CORE OF ANDERS IDEAS AND MANIFESTO AND WHY HIS IDEOLOGIES/BELIEVES AND MAGES REBELLION WAS ON THE FREAKING RIGHT SIDE.

I wrote that fucking long-ass paragraphs so people will be able to differentiate the righteous kind of rebellion (or ‘terrorism’ from the perspective of the power/oppressors) and the god-awful kind of rebellion/terrorism.

Because instead of listening and learning about what anders wanted, some people are often so fixated on the semantic of the word ‘terrorist’ and got too distracted by that stupid chantry explosion. THE CHANTRY EXPLODED IS THE SAME KIND OF THING IF HITLER OR STALIN’S OFFICE too

People died? Yeah so does people who died during USA war against British Empire, was it terrible that people died? Yeah it was terrible but just like what i wrote before, the rebellion had to happened. And you said that he killed hundreds? Huh the numbers was never 100% confirmed because i don't think Isabela count the bodies, and second we cannot be sure about numbers of the casualties, because we never really see ALL them in the first place. And actually arent Hero of Ferelden, Hawke and Inquisitor killed SO MANY PEOPLE? What about The Dragonborn? No to mention that in their journey they also destroyed private and public property and killed so many god damn animals to the point they could have been the reason why some species of animals are endangered. And no one ever protest or raised a fuss when heroes killed tons of people. Arent templar and chantry also killed and tortured so many people? What about mages who were killed or made tranquil for the past 1000 years? What about mages who committedcommited suicide like Orsino friend who locked herself in a closet then set herself on fire? Because she no longer can’t stand living in Kirkwall Circle prison? What about Anders friends who often committedcommited suicide because what templar did to them and that lead to severe depression? What about mages and elves who were hunted down and killed just because they escaped from their circle prison, they were killed by order of the chnatry and templar cut them down with their sword? What about Elves of Dales who died because Orlais wanted to expand its fucking territoryterrtotry and justified their racial superiority? Chantry and templar supported that. What about Karl who asked Anders to killed him because he preferred to die rather than be a tranquil again? Or captured by templar again? TEMPLAR AND CHANTRY COMMITED MORE CRIMES FOR THE PAST 1000 YEARS MORE THAN ANY PERSON DID, THE TEMPLAR AND CHANTRY MURDERED, ENLSAVED, TORTURED AND IMPRISON PEOPLE ALSO SUPPORTED GENOCIDE FOR 1000 YEARS! IF WE CALCULATED NUMBERS OF PEOPLE WHO DIED BY THE CHANTRY ORDER AND TEMPLAR SWORDS, IT’S MORE THAN FREAKING MILLIONS! ANDERS DID WHAT HE DID TO FREE THE MAGES AND FUTURE MAGES CHILDREN, SAME THING WITH FIONA AND THE MAGES WHO REBELLED TO FREE THEMSELVES AND FOR THE FUTURE OF MAGES, THEY ALSO REBELLED FOR FUTURE MAGES FREEDOM, THEY REBELLED FOR THE FREEDOM OF PEOPLE (because unlike what noodle and chantry said and spread, mages are PEOPLE!) so what are you saying again? HUH ? what is your justification? What is your defense? CHANTRY AND TEMPLAR CRIMES CANNOT BE DEFENDED! If you justified Templar and chantry crimes then THE EVANURIS AND TEVINTER and the stupid qun ideals can be justified too? From OBJECTIVE perspective Anders ideology WAS RIGHT! HE AND THE MAGES BELONG WITH THE RIGHTEOUS REBELS. Let’s compare chantry/templar mentality and moral vs mages and elves believes and pursuit of freedom.

Let’s see examples of chantry/templar mentality based on evidence and popular opinion in Thedas that was forced by The chantry to people head.

1. The interpretation of chant of light that mages and nonhuman are abhorred by the maker, and they are ‘evil’ and corrupt’ i must remind you that MODERN and RELEVANT andrastianism in modern Thedas, has twisted whatever Andraste said and they strayed so far away from what andraste possibly could have wanted.

What if Maferath Betrayal was not based on maliciousness? Or not just based on maliciousness? What if Andraste was truly a mage? The chantry lied about Shartan, the chantry fucking lied about Ameridan, if there’s one IRONIC TRUTH about the chantry, they lied, they twisted story and histories for their political power and their gains.

the whole ‘magic must serve man and not rule over him’ was purposely misinterpreted to fucking justify drakon fucking fanfic holy book, and his campaign to conquer the rest of Thedas. And the chant verses were twisted as a stupid and terrible justification to demonize and enslaved mages and elves in circle towers.

In a nutshell that chant actually said that magic is a gift that should not be used for terrible deeds. But andrastian changed the meaning and twisted their own prophet words to enslave and oppressed southern mages.

2. The chantry believes about Everything that related to the fade/spirits/ or demon are dangerous and inherently evil, I ALWAYS LAUGHED MY ASS OFF, whenever templar/chantry/andrastian/non mages spouting hateful shits about the fade and spirits, it’s incredibly ironic, because there’s an implication that ALL PEOPLE who were not made by Titans (dwarves was made by titan) were spirits from the fade who ‘created body from the earth’ after they descended to the material world.

The evanuris, first of elven people, Solas and his people were spirits, it can be safely assumed that modern elves, humans and qunari in their truest form are spirits as well.

I think during his personal quest, All New Faded forFor Her, Aka The Dreadwolf Fen’harel, Solas has explained the truth about what human, elves and qunari truly are and what is their true form would be once they are died ( if they are not a remarkable person then they will simply be lost to the fade )

Besides it’s the chantry who spread hateful and ignorant propaganda about evil of spirits/demons, the fact that chantry spread such misinformed propaganda and derailed hates of the fade and spirit into people mind actually is one of the reasons why demons and unwilling possession as modern thedas know it exists, I know Cole explained that spirit who crossed from the fade to the world was simply traumatized by their journey, the veil hurt them ( we can blame Solas for that) rules in the material world is just confusing, the earth and it’s mostly inflexible and unchanging rules confused them.

But if The fade can be bend and shaped by powerful dreamer/mages/ dreams and believes of people. That means...Demons were also created by The chantry ignorant and hateful propaganda. If many people believed that spirits are dangerous or ‘they are demon’, that spirits and the fade are scary then that’s how they will manifest.

The fade and spirit can be influenced by people's collective beliefs and perceptions. That’s mean it also The chantry and their dogmatic backward propaganda that made spirit/demon as we know it today, I mean for some reason Cole called himself a ‘demon’? While the boy was never corrupted nor twisted from his true nature, i think it’s because people perception of him and spirit. The chantry dogmatic believes backfired on their own face. rule about

3. Blind devotion to Orlais Chantry, theThe chantry foundation was made of bones upon bones and blood, emperor kordilius drakon butchered many cults and stamped out any non-andrastian religion or branch of andrastianism that didn’t conform to his cult believes so he can establish his cult of andraste as the dominant religious power in southern thedas or thedas in general.

The Daughters of Song

Wine. Music. Poetry. And the wanton and frenzied indulgence of carnal fancies. These things characterized the hedonistic cult known as the Daughters of Song. Calling them an order of the faithful lends them a legitimacy they do not deserve. The daughters (and sons, though they saw themselves also as "daughters") celebrated Andraste's holy union with the Maker in almost every way imaginable. And it was only the "holy union" they venerated. Andraste's life, her war, her teachings, and her sacrifice were blithely ignored.

At its height, the Daughters of Song numbered in the thousands. They maintained a stronghold in a village called Virelay, in the Fields of Ghislain. Virelay saw a yearly event during which the Daughters of Song paraded carven images of the "Maker's Glory" through the square.The Daughters of Song were wiped out by the righteous forces of Emperor Drakon during his campaigns to unite all of Orlais. When the emperor's forces sacked the village, the Daughters would not arm themselves and were either killed or captured. The village was destroyed, and the cult never recovered.—From Before Andrastianism: the Forgotten Faiths by Sister Rondwyn of Tantervale

HA! Blithely ignored her fucking war and ‘sacrifice’ is much better than using the story of andraste life as propaganda and tools to conquer, murder, enslaved, and wiped out groups of people who didn’t buy to your shit.

The daughter of the songs was not a cult of a sex-crazed hedonist, they were another group of pacifist andraste cult who didn’t do anything wrong at all (seems like they were peaceful, they didn’t even willing to armed themselves when Drakon butchered their people) and they just wanted to be left alone to their own device, but of course Drakon, that egotistical bastard who sees himself as a martyr and narcissistic self-proclaimed holy man, so he put any people who didn’t want to listen to his bullshit to sword.

The chantry and Orlais using their god, their prophet words, and their religion as a bludgeoning tool to conquer and forcefully converted people, the foundation of modern andrastianism religion was based drakon totalier philosophy his ambitions to rule all of Thedas.

Ironically if there are people who smeared and desecrate andraste and the maker, its their followers.

This kind of religious militant mentality has ledlead to people justification of exalted march, because they thought that they were doing it for the maker, they believed that the march is the maker works, anyoneany one who supported exalted march were so convinced that they were right to spilled so many blood and butchered so many people for their religious zealotry (and political ambition of their rulers but eh peasant rarely know anything about what happened in winter palace right?)

if you supported exalted march of dales or exalted march against mages then.... As a Muslim i just want to say, what’re the differences between exalted march and Christian crusade? And we know that Crusade was a waste of resources and lives or ISIS ambition for expansionism?

Military and Religion is a dangerous and scary combination. And I can’t comprehend why any modern human could be so thirsty and horny to destroy other people's nations for their religion and their interpretation of their religion. and let me remind you again, the chantry and templar supported this mentality and often using the maker as a reason and justification of their terrible deeds. The chantry refusal to acknowledge and respect different kind of andrastian religion and their outright rejection of different religion lead them to wiped out pre-chantry andrastian cult aka their own brethren and destruction of The dales, destruction and deaths of so many dalish clan, prejudice and bigotry against qunari and dwarves. and we don’t have to talk about what happen to old god religion worshipper. Y’know sounds like dark age church and their obsessions to stamped out any kind of ‘heresy’ , you like that shit? You supported it? EWWWW. D: 4. Templar and Chantry brainwashed people to be hateful bigot, I don’t care about any kind of justification or ‘positive deeds’ that andrastianism has done, a thousandthousands years of proofs and facts has proven that most of the time they spreading bigotry and hate for their own political power and gains, the chantry instilled intolerance on people mind and using terror as a way to control population of Thedas, people except for the ruling class are live in uncertainty and fear, we might see peasant in thedas just living their simple life, but if the temple and chantry find out that they are doing anything ‘suspicious’ or they hide their relatives who can use magic then that’s it, their life will end by chantry order and Templar sword, not to mention that the chantry bigoted cheating also lead to these kind of situation, remember that mage who were murdered in the storm coast by villager? She died because the chantry brainwashed people to hates on anything non-human and to hate on mages. NOW THE MAGES, let’s take a look at the mages and elves. 1.The mages and elves just wanted to be free and to be treated as an equal in society, not as a walking weapon to be enslaved and imprisoned and not as a servant/slave to non-mage human (or in tevinter and the qun not as a slave in general for elves and mages too who suffer under the qun ) if anyone supporting an ideology or people who deny other people rights, BASIC RIGHTS, then all of you fucktard can rot in hell. 2. Fiona, despite the chantry and Templar oppressed and enslaved her people for must I remind you again 1000 year! Fiona Was still willing to let other fraternities and other circles to vote, whenever they wanted to follow her rebellion or not, AND THE SOUTHREN MAGES CHOSE TO REBELED AND FOLLOWING HER! 3. Now mages freedom is canon, the mages now have their own government and they rule over themselves( college of enchanters) and they never try to enslave, oppress, brutalize and hurt non mages 4. Now Briala rule in Orlais, she could help to keep: 1. Remember that mage who died in Gaspard on leash and preventing him from invading other nations, not to mention that she definetly

Oh, Solas where are thou ~

Now about Solas and the veil, we might speculate to our heart content about Solas plans and what he might do in the future, but to be honest, truth to be told, NO ONE EXACTLY KNOW what is his actual plan for the evanuris, for the blight, for titans and to tear m down the veil. We only have morsels of information about his plans from trespasser, and Tevinter night (also from the leaks). Who knew maybe Solas plan will ironically save the world? Doomed it? Saved some people? Only doomed half of the world? Will the world end? Or survive? Now i want all magic to come back but without have to kill millions of people in Thedas, Because it will solve non-mages vs mages problem, everybody will be mages and the centuries of problems will be solved, not to mention that with the minuscule amounts of magic Thedas physical world now have, people seemed to slowly devolving, being cut from magic of the fade is not only horrible for mages but also for non- mages (Because the fade is the sources of power and life itself, not to mention that Solas referred to it as ‘The sea of souls’ in Tevinter Nights) Here’s the thing, with or without Solas even waking up from his long sleep, i think The veil will be destroyed either way, here’s the evidences that supported my theories (But i still have no idea about What exactly will happen just like many other people out there ) Sandal Prophercy: “Sandal: One day the magic will come back. All of it. Everyone will be just like they were. The shadows will part, and the skies will open wide. When he rises, everyone will see.” Grand Duchess Florianne: “ A great CHANGE is coming for all of us lord seeker lucius: “ We created a decaying world, and fought to preserve it even as it crumbled, we had to be stopped” Kieran: “My mother is the inheritor of the next age” Mythal: WE HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT WHAT SOLAS PLAN IS, what is he going to do with other evanuris? What bout the titans? What about mythal? and ghilan’nain creatures that has been slowly emerge from the sea? What about the blight and darkspawn? I feel like Solas wouldn’t be the true next main villain, he wouldn’t be Corypheus 2.0, why? Because unlike the blight or Corypheus, Solas have important relationship with The inquisitor, while most any other fucking villain have little to no relationship with heroes. So here Solas quote from Tevinter Nights: His look pinned her “I have no choice.What I am doing will save this world, and those like you- the elves who are still remain-may find it better, when it is done.” Solas might call himself “Prideful, hot headed and foolish.” but he’s not a fucking idiot, he wouldn’t just tear down the veil just to bing elven glory back, there must be something bigger behind his motives, like the evanuris and well titans I don’t want to say much about the possible consequences of what might Solas do, because frankly we don’t know anything about it. It is possible tho that the veil destruction will be the same thing just like the fifth blight, mage and elves vs Templar and chantry/human war, Corypheus rises and fall and the fucking explosion of both Kirkwall chantry and temple of sacred ashes, it just going to happen, it is what fucking it is man. To quote Steve Jobs “One more thing” Patrick fucking Weekes and their wife supporting mage and mage rights MEANWHILE... if you could live anywhere in Thedas, where would you live? PATRICK: I would live in Rivain. Because Rivain is not as hung up on magic, because they have seers who let themselves get possessed... they also have a relatively peaceful relationship with the Qun. And they're kind of a melting pot and multicultural... they're a place where a lot of different cultures come together. And also? Beachfront property. KARIN: I was just gonna say... if you need further justification, they get to say, "I want to live on the beach."

Yeah, that was a really good one. Okay, moving on: Mages or Templars? PATRICK and KARIN (in unison): Mage

http://www.dumpeddrunkanddalish.com/2020/05/castles-fennecs-and-player-engagement.html http://www.dumpeddrunkanddalish.com/2020/04/chatting-with-weekeses-part-3-romances.html

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oldfritz · 4 years ago

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this was surprisingly hard because half of them I wanted to throw in f, but then felt guilty about it so here’s where we are. explanations under the cut to be nice (fair warning: I’m writing this while tipsy so this is a journey)

S-tier

Old Fritz: look me in the eyes. look at me. are you looking? good. where else was I was going to put him? where? in C with the other losers? foolish. I am ruining my life for this man, I’m going to go into debt so I can be moderately qualified to write books on him so Tim Blanning and Christopher Clark don’t boo my off the stage. I sit here sometimes and I’m like ‘y’know, I would start a podcast to talk about his life’ as if I’m some straight white guy who thinks any of you want to listen to me for an hour. he’s a bastard, a smug bastard, and is the epitome of self-destructive tendencies. and, honestly, I wouldn’t mind if he wasn’t so fucking misogynistic all the time. ‘oh women aren’t fit to rule’ shut up Fritz before I time travel to fuck your wife and make her have one night where life feels worthwhile. but he’s funny, I enjoy how he does foreign policy, and he’s unfortunately relatable to me. cheers, Fritz. here’s to never being satisfied from one gay disaster with anger issues to another. may we burn in hell together

A-tier

Friedrich iii: “Suzanne, he was only on the throne for 99 days!! how can he be this high up when some of these bastards refused to die?” I hear you, my friends, and I have answers. I’ll tell you two words you’ll be shocked to hear put together: liberal Hohenzollern. a rare breed, isn’t it? imagine, friends, a world where he got over his throat cancer because he listened to a doctor and we get through the 1910s, 20s, even the 30s without Wilhelm II Electric Boogaloo being in power. Prussia is still on the map, the Anglo-Prussian alliance is strong, and I live in peace. but no. this stupid man had to keep smoking. because he’s selfish and doesn’t care about my needs. you know, he actually loved his wife. rare in this family. loved her and wasn’t abusive. the bar is so low, guys. and his wife is amazing too, Victoria. the world would’ve been in competent hands if they’d been in power longer (and Bismarck would’ve been out of a job still but at least these guys are smart. their son inherited grandma Vicki’s IQ). I would sleep with both of them and would thank them for the honor (when it should always be the other way around, remember that)

B-tier

Friedrich I: if your name is Friedrich and only Friedrich, we’re buds. that’s my rule. I have to give him credit where credit’s due. he was the first. while I agree with Fritz in his proscription that he was ‘small in big ways and big in small ways’ (I may have flipped that around), he wasn’t a bad guy. he just was born into the wrong job for him. I appreciate that he rode on his father’s coattails of proving useful to the Habsburgs and did a little himself to get that sweet, sweet kingship. smart move. I also like that he saw Louis XIV and said to himself “I stan, I kin, on God we’re gonna do that’ and tried. only for have his stupid, ungrateful, unclassy son to do away with that. I, too, am a woman of luxury and self-indulgance and if I had all the riches of Brandenburg and Prussia at the time (not much), I would spend them ridiculously on outfits and music and art. now, what did he do as king? what policy legacy did he leave behind? that’s a good one :)

C-tier

Friedrich Wilhelm III: now as a king he sucks. and I stand by this because, you know, he lost to him *imagine me pretending to be short and saying ‘oui, oui’ in a bad french accent*. and as any proper Englishwoman I can’t support a monarch who goes around losing to the French unless their name is Mary I. but, he’s a pathetic little man. he really is. so indecisive, so unsure of himself. what are you doing little guy? you think because your last name is Hohenzollern, God thinks you’re a good king? well it is like 1805 and, while divine right isn’t really being used as much, it’s as good as any reason on why you’re the chosen one and my family is eating dirt in Sicily and on the Scottish border. he’s really just a dude, nothing extraordinary about him except that his wife was the only one with brains and was the first to establish that (sorry Wilhelm I). he cried when he found out that his children didn’t call him ‘papa’ and went into a deep depressive state when his wife suddenly died. he’s an average man, of average abilities, but of big heart. and the big heart is what bumps him up, for me, from his old place as an F to a C. though, his moralizing is tedious

Friedrich Wilhelm II: this man should have partied with Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. everyone’s got that one ruler whose all about sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll. for the US it’s JFK, for the UK it’s Margaret Thatcher Charles II, France has Louis XIV. Prussia has this guy and we should thank him. so many mistresses, so much sex, so much revelry and debauchery and sin! this guy’s personal life is like a treasure trove of political and sexual intrigue. if you’re into that - as I am as a town gossip - you’ll love him. I am constantly amazed by the fact that some STD didn’t kill him. syphilis, herpes, crabs. something, man, anything. but he didn’t. he’s a shit king though. absolutely horrible. all he did was whine that he didn’t get taught anything by Uncle Fritz and, yes, that’s not good if it’s true (but it’s not completely because the treatises are detailed but I guess he didn’t have time to read) but c’mon. actually apply yourself and learn on the job. I know that would’ve required him to not be balls deep somewhere, but unfortunately he’s not Dorian Gray. there’s work that needed to be done and he didn’t do it. boo!!

D-tier

Wilhelm I: apparently he was a good guy, unlike the other 3 who populate the lowest rungs of Prussian kinghood. so I give him that and I can respect that. but what did he do? what were his own ideas? I thought about putting Bismarck as king instead because, really, he was. Bismarck was a minister who ran around the king’s back to set things up exactly as he liked and it fucking worked because he was the brains. his wife was intelligent too, but theirs wasn’t a wamr and loving marriage. and Bismarck worked to get Wilhelm to distrust her because she was liberal and the fact that Wilhelm would listen to Otto even if it meant allowing himself to be drowned in the Rhine is pathetic. fun party at Versailles though. hope it was worth the war reparations

F-tier (bastard time) I’m going in a different order because I want to go from the ones I hate least to most xoxo

Friedrich Wilhelm IV: “I won’t accept a crown from the gutter” then you won’t accept a crown at all, stupid idiot! god, the smugness. the authoritarian impulses. I know it was the cool thing in 1848 to put down any revolts/protests with as much force as possible, but man, at least the Habsburgs were transparent. homie was like “yeah guys lol I’ll make a constitution and it’ll be epic! you’ll have so many rights! xoxo gossip girl” and then...nope. and AND he wanted the Habsburgs in charge of things too! Mr. ‘I’m Nostalgic For When HRE Was Great And We Blew Austrian Dick!’ grow up man. it’s Prussia time buddy, Austria is beginning to fall apart. don’t look to the past, look to the future, but you didn’t have that vision did you?

Wilhelm II: *banging pots and pans* I blame this man for everything! now, intellectually, does Germany take all the blame for WWI? no, that’s foolish and propaganda of the Allies only. if you’re a European power in 1914, you get to share the blame (ex: why did UK need to make this a naval arms race? Austria should’ve declared war on Serbia sooner if that’s what it wished to do. Russia, please stay out of the Balkans then and forever). but does my irrational hatred of Wilhelm blind me to this truth when I see his stupid face and that ugly fucking mustache that I wish to yank off? my god, yes. I see him and Rule Britannia and The Yanks Are Coming start playing so loud in my head and I’m like ‘yeah, the kaiser’s gonna pay.’ I’m sorry that Bismarck’s ego was bigger than yours but did you have to prove him right by getting incompetent buffoons who were playing checkers when he set the board up for chess to replace him? Did you have to prove Freud right by displacing private problems onto public life with your little tit-for-tat with George IV (VI?) because his mummy loved you more? Why did you need to fuck every naval vessel you saw like an inferior of Peter the Great who believed he was Sir Francis Drake? but that’s just the first war and he lived to see things setting up for the second. wasn’t in convenient for you to be close with the N@zis when you thought they might want a king back on the throne and you could reclaim your little tyrant. like every goddamn Prussian conservative or Junker, you thought you could play the tyrannical cockroach. sure, you figured out earlier that he was no pal, but you still collaborated and you still allowed yourself to get played like the weak man of conscience you are. cheers!

Friedrich Wilhelm I: ladies and gentleman, the moment you’ve all been waiting for! the biggest bastard straight outta Berlin, FW1! and who doesn’t love an abusive father? who doesn’t love a man, so insecure and pathetic, that he needs to terrorize children to be able to look at himself and have a little pride. I understand that it was because he wanted his kids, specifically Fritz, to be best. but being best and perfect meant being miniature versions of him and aren’t we supposed to want our children to be better than a carbon-copy of a small man? honestly, I could live with the occasional smack for this time period. it’s within the norm and, while horrible, isn’t irreparably damaging. this guy really had to beat the shit out of Fritz and Wilhelmina and I’m sure Augustus and Henry and Amalia and all the others (so many kids) didn’t get spared either because if you hit one, you’ll hit ‘em all. and I judge them for their flaws all the same but, for some of them, it gets hard to. because what fighting chance did they have when their father was telling them how worthless they were and beating them senseless and threatening death and life imprisonment on some? I’m constantly impressed by Henry and Fritz and Wilhelmina for amounting to any semblance of maturity, even though it’s always fleeting, because this man didn’t give them the tools to be functioning adults. but each of them managed to be greater than their father, as did Amalia managing a really cool coup in Sweden. and what did FW1 get? he built up his army, had a tall guy fetish, increased the treasury, and made the cabinet and executive offices more efficient. there used to be this one guy on here that would argue that that was all a good king made and that this lowlife didn’t deserve the contempt he got by some on here (an obvious vague of me) for his behavior as a father. and maybe I’m a crackpot, but I believe the quality of a man outshines all those other achievements and that that’s meaningless to me, in my personal life. and when I get to hell, before I go to any of these other men, I’ll go to him and ask him how hell’s fires feel because, if his God was real, it would never love him. and that’s beautiful

#i just wanted to give you guys the mental image of ol maggie doing lines of coke #i dont like her i just like to give nicknames to all my enemies #makes them uncomfortable #im very tipsy so this is weird #i apologize #but i hope its kinda funny and enjoyable #frederick the great #old fritz #the name frederick officially looks meaningless to me #frederick william i #frederick i #frederick iii #frederick william ii #frederick william iii #frederick william iv #wilhelm i #wilhelm ii #prussian shitposting

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ti-bae-rius · 5 years ago

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Rafael and Max QSA fic

Lightwood-Bane kids fic (mundane AU) – based loosely off @khaleesiofalicante‘malec parent-teacher meeting headcanons’. It’s also very queer-positive and I hope you enjoy. Also yes some ages are weird and yes I did totally manip some canon to make this work but eyyy all in the spirit of the AU.

“Who was that guy with Max at the parent-teacher conference?”

Rafael looked up from his lunch quizzically. Frickin’ Capri Suns. Who designed those flimsy little straws?

“Huh?” he asked.

He and his friends had claimed a table in the cafeteria and, as ninth graders, none of the younger middle schoolers ever encroached on their territory. Beside him was his childhood best friend, Alex, but the other guys – Ethan and Zabi – he’d only met recently through soccer try-outs.

“My brother is in class with Max,” Zabi told him. “You know, Hakim? He said your dad was there with Max and a tall guy wearing loads of rings.”

“Oh,” Rafael said, understanding, and took a bite of his stir fry. Magnus made the best stir-fry, with broccoli and baby corn. He was pretty sure Max had spent the morning waiting for the lunch bell just like him. “That’s my papa.”

“What?” Zabi asked, looking jealously at Rafe’s lunch.

“So, like, you know my dad – he picks me up from soccer practise – and then there’s my papa and he works late but he’ll be at the game next weekend. You’ll meet him at our parent-teacher conference on Friday anyway.”

“He has two dads,” Alex clarified, not looking up from his comic book. He was on the last issue of The Vision and refused to be disturbed by trivialities like food, especially since he – like Zabi – had cafeteria lunch and today’s mac and cheese resembled neither of the titular ingredients.

“But your dad doesn’t look gay,” Ethan said and Rafe’s brows furrowed.

“How do you ‘look gay’?” he asked, making sarcastic air quotes with his fingers. “You can’t tell if someone’s gay by looking at them, dude.” While he was pre-occupied, Zabi’s hand shot out and Rafael batted it away. “Don’t even think about it. This stir fry is my life, Zee.”

“But, like, you play soccer,” Ethan said and Rafe stared at him in confusion.

“Yeah?”

“But your dads are gay.”

“Yeah?”

“So…they let you play sports? Like, you don’t have to do theatre or whatever.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “I don’t even know where to start with that. That was like you were trying to win a game of homophobia bingo.”

“It’s not homophobic,” Zabi protested. “You just don’t seem like the type to like guys.”

“I’m not gay,” Rafael explained, painstakingly slowly. “My parents are.”

“But they’ll probably make you gay too,” Zabi said, with a conviction Rafe almost admired in its boldness.

“Oh my God, is Alex the lucky guy?” Ethan laughed and Rafael stood up, packing up his food and pushing his chair back. “Hey,” Ethan called. “Where are you doing, man? We’re just kidding. Don’t be all dramatic.”

“I don’t want to talk to you guys right now,” Rafe said, sounding frustrated. “You’re being idiots. I’m gonna eat lunch someplace else. Alex?”

From behind his comic, Alex was flushed red and his eyes were wide and imploring behind their glasses. “Come on, Rafe,” he said quietly. “Sit back down.”

“Are you serious?” Rafael half-laughed, but Alex looked away sheepishly. “Whatever. And I have a lot of homework, so you can’t come over tonight after soccer.”

Shoving his juice in the garbage, Rafael began the task of scanning the cafeteria for his brother. Luckily, it wasn’t difficult.

Max was, Rafael believed, something of a disco ball; attention-grabbing, a hallmark of a good party, and sure to be a talking point wherever he went. This might have been at least in part due to his blue-dyed hair, that or his tendency to pull people along with him to partake in some kind of adventure. To Max, everything was an adventure and as much as Rafael pretended he was too cool to play games with his little brother, climbing fire escapes to snoop on college film classes to see movies for free was kind of badass. It was fun to be part of Max’s adventures, especially when they involved scaring themselves stupid watching slasher flicks through windows with the wind whistling behind them all the way home like the breath of the crazed killers in the movies.

Now, at lunch, Max was currently attempting to charm a girl from his class called Mina by clumsily juggling three apples. One fell and rolled under the table, disrupting his rhythm, and he surrendered with a grin of defeat. He ducked under the table to get the lost apple, laughing at himself along with Mina and his friends. He didn’t even see his older brother approach.

“Max, come over here.”

Max turned and glared at Rafael.

“I’m busy,” he said, before darting his gaze pointedly to Mina.

“Too bad, this is important,” Rafael responded. Max sighed and got to his feet, reaching his hands out to his friends dramatically as if grasping for help. Rafe rolled his eyes and beckoned Max over to a quiet corner of the lunch hall to talk. When he was satisfied they weren’t going to be overheard, Rafael started speaking.

“Did your friends say anything about Dad and Papa after your parent-teacher night?”

Max gave a puzzled look. “I…don’t think so? We haven’t talked about it really. Everyone has been talking about the fact Anjali’s parents bought her a macbook for passing the finals.”

“Jesus, maybe we should try and get adopted by them,” Rafael said, shaking his head. “What twelve year old needs a macbook?”

“Um, me hopefully?” Max said, and Rafe shushed him.

“That’s not the point. The point is that people are talking in my grade. Ethan is being a real jerk about it.”

Max wrinkled his nose in distaste. “Why?”

“I don’t know, but I want to find out if I just have bad taste in friends or if our school sucks generally. Try and find out whether your group has any issues.”

“What then?” Max asked, wide-eyed. “Are we gonna, like, beat them up?”

“What? No,” Rafe said, confused.

“Oh good, because I’m obviously very here for sticking up for Dad and Papa but I’m really more of a pacifist than…”

“Yeah, I got it,” Rafael interrupted. “I gotta go. I’ll meet you later to walk home.”

“Don’t you have soccer? You always walk with Alex after soccer.”

“Not today,” Rafael said grimly. He glanced over at the table where Max’s friends were sat. “That Mina?” he asked and Max nodded. “Good luck. Tell her she has cool shoes. They have Adventure Time characters on. Dredge up anything you remember from those clips I showed you.”

“I knew your YouTube spams would be good for something,” Max grinned.

“By the way, you have broccoli in your teeth.”

“What?” Max asked, sounding frantic. Rafael cracked up. “Are you messing with me? Gimme your phone!” Rafael held it up out of reach and Max snatched up a spoon from the table, inspecting his smile in the reflective surface. When he found nothing, he hit Rafe with it lightly. “You’re the worst.”

“Four o’clock, bike racks!” Rafe shouted and Max disappeared back to his table with a glare, making Rafe smile. That was, until he glanced back at his usual table and saw Alex looking at him over the top of his comic. Rafael’s smile faded and he walked out, ready to find a back corner of the library to start researching his ideas where no one would see him – especially not his asshole friends.

“I think some of my friends suck too.”

Rafael looked across at Max. The two of them had come home early and let themselves into the apartment, but neither had spoken much on the way home. Max read a book on the subway home and Rafe had his earbuds in, both distracted. Now, sat on the floor of the apartment doing their homework, Max had finally decided to talk. It wasn’t quite what Rafael had wanted to hear though.

“Really?”

Max nodded, looking disappointed. “Some of them are cool. Mina thinks her brother might be bi. The guys were cool. A couple of the girls were weird about it though.”

“Weird how? Like…homophobic?”

Max shrugged uneasily. “I don’t know. They weren’t like, hating. If anything it was the other way. They were being all weird and squealy about it, saying how much they love gay people. They’ve never even met Dad and Papa. I guess that’s better? But it still feels…kind of bad. Plus, they were all ‘we could totally tell because your dad dresses so well’.” Max scowled.

“I assume they meant Papa,” Rafe grinned. “Dad’s sweaters look like he found them in a hedge and then let a rabid dog maul at them for good measure.”

Max laughed before falling serious again, closing his book, a ruler in the page to mark his place. “What should we do?”

“I have some ideas. Have you heard of a QSA?” When Max shook his head, Rafael continued. “So, it stands for Queer-Straight Alliance and it’s like a club where queer students and allies can meet and make friends. It’s about teaching people what queerness means and making people understand better. I think it’s a good idea. I’ve been researching it.”

Max was smiling, nodding. “I like it. Do you think the school would allow it?”

Rafe’s own grin was mischievous. “Who said we have to tell them? This would be underground, strictly invite-only. The teachers would never have to know. That’s the beauty of social media.”

Max gasped excitedly, punching Rafael on the arm in a gesture of respect. “Like Dumbledore’s Army? Oh my God, where’s our Room of Requirement going to be?”

“God, you’re such a little nerd,” Rafael sighed. “But…how about the old music room in the basement?”

Max grinned. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. Oh, this is so cool!”

Rafael nodded. “I think it could be.”

When the door opened, admitting both their parents, who were laughing at the coincidence of them both coming home at the same time, the boys exchanged a look and fell silent. Rafael packed his stuff into his bag, and disappeared to his room, pulling his laptop out ready to do more research and send out mass-texts to relevant people.

“Hey, get some sleep, blueberry.”

Max looked up to see Alec in the doorway, a hand hovering over the light switch.

“Max? Can I turn this off? Wanna switch your lamp on if you’re still reading?”

“What’s it like being gay?”

Alec made a surprised noise and then came into the room, sitting down on the end of Max’s bed.

“What do you mean?”

“Like, what would you want people to know? If you could talk to the people who didn’t get it, like those people with the signs at that parade we went to, what would you tell them?”

Alec pressed his lips together and crossed his legs on the bed, leaning on his elbows.

“That’s a good question,” he said, and hummed in thought. “I guess I’d ask them how they’d feel, if it was them, or if it was someone they loved. I just wonder if they’d think the same way if it was something about them that so many people were opposed to. Like if they’d spent years not being able to get married because they were blonde or whatever. You know?”

Max nodded and turned on his bedside lamp. “It isn’t fair.”

Alec shook his head, smiling wryly. “No, you’re right. It isn’t fair. But people can learn, if you’re kind enough to educate them. You just need to be patient, and honest, and open. Sometimes, it takes people being vulnerable for the people who disagree with them to see they’re human too.” Max smiled sadly and Alec put a hand on his son’s knee over the duvet. “Why do you ask? Is there anything you want to talk about?”

Max shook his head. “No, nothing. I just wanted to know.”

“Okay,” Alec said, standing up. “It’s a very thoughtful question. Thank you for asking me.”

“Thanks for telling me,” Max said, and flicked his bedside lamp off. “Actually, can you turn the light out? I’m kind of tired.”

“Sure thing. Papa will come and say goodnight in a second. Sleep well, blueberry.”

As the room plunged into darkness, Max pulled out his phone from where it was charging by his bedside. He pulled up Rafael’s text tab and started typing:

‘I have intel’

Rafael’s reply came quickly.

‘12. Music room. Tell your friends. I’ve snapped some others.’

Max liked the message and turned his phone over so any notifications wouldn’t wake him up. By the time Magnus came in to say goodnight, he was already fast asleep, huddled under the duvet as always, a small ball in the middle of the bed. Magnus folded the curtains so the morning light wouldn’t wake his son and closed the door softly behind him.

“Well this isn’t quite the revolution I expected.”

Max kicked his friend Raja in the ankle and sighed. The two of them, Rafael, and a small group of trusted confidants were gathered outside Music Room 1 in the mostly-abandoned basement of the school, staring at the locked door in defeat. The lights weren’t even on down here anymore, all the lightbulbs long since dead and never replaced. The underlit chins of texting friends was almost eerie in the gloom. All that survived down here, like the aftermath of a nuclear war, was brooms and Windex, and the occasional scuttling cockroach. Internally, Max was a little disappointed. Mina had promised to be here, and she was nowhere to be seen. He sagged a little on his feet. However, on cue, footsteps ran down the stairs. The gathered group scattered behind alcoves and stacks of chairs. The footsteps stopped abruptly and there was the sound of breath catching.

“Um…hello?”

Max wriggled out of his hiding place at the voice. Mina.

“Hey!” he said, and cringed a little when his voice cracked. Ugh seventh grade fricking sucked. Mina didn’t seem to notice. She beamed when Max emerged. “We, um, we can’t get in. It’s locked,” Max admitted, and she waved a dismissive hand.

“Kit taught me how to pick locks. I can get us in.”

“Cool,” Max breathed. Behind him, Rafael snorted and Max blushed, pulling out his phone. “I’ll give you some light. Here.”

With the torch beam on, Max bent down by Mina, who was twisting one paper clip and holding the other in her free hand. Her tongue poked out of the side of her mouth as she worked and, bent so close, Max could smell her shampoo. When the door made a clicking noise, and she pushed it open, the whole group cheered and she flicked the light on inside, grinning proudly.

“Thanks for the torch,” she said and Max smiled, red-faced.

“It’s cool.”

“Right, so I kind of explained over text but I’ll tell you all properly what this is,” Rafael said. Everyone was finding seats where they could – atop amps and on the stools behind the drumkits or at the piano benches – but Rafael stood. Max had claimed a spot beside Mina on a table, her legs crossed and his pulled up to his chest. Before everyone, Rafael felt a little nervous. Max was the one who was good at talking to crowds, performing in front of people, not him. Nevertheless, this was important, so he continued. “Okay, so this is the New York Educational Institute Queer-Straight Alliance, or the NYEIQSA for short – well, not that short.” A smattering of laughter made him relax a little. “QSAs are really important. Max and I have two awesome dads but not everyone gets it. Some people feel bad for us because we don’t have a mom or assume stuff that isn’t true about our family. Sometimes…” He thought back to lunch the other day and sighed. “Sometimes people can be mean. A lot of the time, though, people say stuff that sounds bad because they don’t understand and that’s what we’re doing here. We want to educate each other. Maybe some of you have family who aren’t straight or cis, or maybe there are people in here who aren’t. We aren’t asking you to come out, and we don’t want you to out anyone else, but we do want to talk about it and make people understand. That way, we can tell other people about stuff and people maybe won’t be freaked out by stuff that’s different.”

“I was talking to my dad last night and I asked him what he would want people who didn’t like gay people to understand about being gay, and he said he wanted them to think about what it would be like if it was something they couldn’t choose that everyone got mad at,” Max put in, and stood up from his spot on the table. “Like, what if people hated you just because you had brown hair or green eyes or something. You’d think it was really stupid and unfair, but that’s just like being gay. Like, it isn’t fair to bully people for something they can’t control, and you can’t control whether or not you’re gay.”

“And if you have questions, we can answer them. Or someone else in the group can. And if none of us can answer we can ask our dads or someone we know. That way, we can all understand. What do you think?”

“That’s badass,” Mina grinned and some others nodded along.

“Show of hands who’s in?” Rafael asked and he and Max exchanged ecstatic looks when every arm went into the air.

“So…when do you decide to be gay?”

“You don’t decide. You’re born gay, you just eventually come out – which is what it’s called when you tell people you’re gay or whatever. It can be any time. My Papa has been out forever but my Dad only came out when he met Papa and they started dating.”

Everyone was lounging around on random surfaces – the floor was covered with coats and sweaters being used as pillows – and asking questions. To their surprise, Max and Rafe weren’t the only ones answering. After the initial few questions, others started pitching in with their own answers.

“What’s the difference between polysexual and polyamorous?”

“Polysexual is being into many, but not all, genders,” someone said, who was googling terms at the back when a lapse of silence fell.

“My brother is polyamorous.”

A boy a little older than Rafael named Tavvy was sat with his legs out in front of him. When the room turned to him curiously, he sat forward.

“So, my brother Mark has a boyfriend called Kieran and a girlfriend called Cristina.”

“Do they know about each other?” someone asked and Tavvy laughed.

“Yeah, he’s not cheating on them. They’re all dating each other. It’s like…hang on.” He walked over to the whiteboard, where composition lines for music were written, and uncapped one of the pens on the windowsill nearby. He sketched a triangle with double-ended arrows for sides and marked them: M, K, C. “So, they’re all dating each other, see?”

Somewhere above them all, a bell rang and Rafael sighed. “That’s the final bell. We have to get to homeroom. This was really fun though. Ask your friends if they wanna come and keep this a secret from teachers and stuff.”

“When are we meeting again?” Tavvy asked and Rafael faltered.

“Um…”

“Thursday?” someone suggested, and a group mutter of assent went around the room. Two days. Rafael and Max exchanged looks. They hadn’t expected this to be such a hit, but they nodded.

“Thursday sounds good,” Rafael said, at the same time Max said, “I’ll make a group chat.”

The group dispersed and Rafael gave Max a grin. Maybe this whole group thing wouldn’t be so hard after all.

By a couple of weeks in, a problem became obvious: the room just wasn’t big enough. The small music suite felt cramped and claustrophobic, and they’d slowly migrated into the neighbouring room; it was a bigger room that must’ve once been a classroom. Who knew how long it had been abandoned? It still had a chalkboard, so the chances of someone coming down here to find them was slim. Rafael, Max, and Mina had shown up early on their first session in the new room, rearranging furniture and covering the glass-front window with construction paper to mask any light. Eventually, into the amicable silence, Mina spoke.

“My brother came out.”

Rafael turned, smiling. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. He’s bi and dating this guy. They’re really gross together. His boyfriend came over for dinner.”

“What’s he like?” Max asked.

“Kit’s boyfriend? Kind of weird, but in a good way. He’s a forensic psychologist so he uses really big words, but he’s also beat my mom at Trivial Pursuit, so I think he’s pretty cool.”

A knock at the door made them all turn. When Rafael saw who it was, he startled. He’d hardly seen his friends since their fight at lunch, had made only polite conversation. Now, here was Alex, looking shy and nervous, but hopeful.

“Um, hey. I…I wondered if I could join?”

“Sure, ah…” Rafael turned to Max. “You two go make sure the others know where we’re going. They’ll be here in five minutes.”

Max and Mina left, closing the door behind Alex, leaving the two boys staring at the floor instead of each other.

“I’m really sorry,” Alex said finally, pushing his round glasses up his nose.

“Why didn’t you come with me? Why did you stay with them when they said all that stuff?”

Alex shrugged. “I don’t know. I…I didn’t want us to fight and I thought if I just stayed quiet maybe it would be okay.” He sat down on a table and looked at his hands. “I don’t know. I just…I didn’t know what to do.”

Rafael nodded, sitting down beside him on the table. “My dads have missed you coming over for dinner after practise.” Alex huffed a laugh and smiled tightly. “Papa said your goal last Saturday was ‘better than a well-shaken cocktail’.” This time, Alex did laugh, but it sounded shaky. Rafe put an arm around him worriedly. “Hey, dude. It’s okay. I’m not mad anymore.”

“I’m just scared, Rafe.”

Rafael glanced across, saw Alex rub a hand under his glasses, and decided not to ask questions. He put his head against Alex’s shoulder and texted Max to keep the others in the hall until he said to let them in.

“You wanna come over for dinner tonight? Papa is making nasi uduk. It’ll taste amazing.”

Alex nodded, sniffing. “We’re still best friends, right?”

“Obviously.”

“What’s nasi uduk like?”

“Oh my God, it’s so good,” Rafael began, launching into an explanation. By the time he was done, Alex was feeling better, smiling. He gave Rafael a grateful nod, which Rafe returned. “Our adoring public awaits. You wanna stay for the meeting?”

Alex sighed, nodding. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

#malec #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #lightwood bane #max lightwood bane #rafael lightwood bane #queer #tmi #the mortal instruments #au #au fic #the dark artifices #tda

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