#i gotta learn it though... do my part in keeping it alive and also do it for my relatively recent ancestors who were not allowed to speak it

[dandyshucks]

trying to keep telling myself "you are a little baby learning this language for the first time, be patient with yourself" but OUGHHHH i don't understand how to learn another language... I fear that I may be no good at this,,, also I am so impatient with learning new things aheemheem whimper

[thegamingcatmom]

Evil Dead Rise...but gayer

Okay but imagine Ellie aka Maggot Mommy clapping eyes on you and yes there´s this urge to chase and rip and eat your soul and all (she´s still an evil ancient entity after all) but there´s also something else. And she/it doesn´t know what it is because she/it is an evil ancient entity which absolutely thrives on being a lil shithead just for the fun of it (that´s what I love most about Maggot Mommy and it´s what makes her stand out from other deadites imo).

Anyhow, Maggot Momma sees you, sprints towards you, only to stop inches away from your face and start sniffing you. Like, really sniffing you. All over.

It´s starting to get a bit uncomfortable and weird af actually and maybe now´s a good time to get the f outta there but jokes on you - you´re already being carried off, none too gently mind you (Maggot Momma still gotta learn how to human aight so leave her alone) and promptly plonked onto the floor in Ellie´s apartment. And while Deadite Mommy´s still thinking about her choices here (those being: eating you now or later) you snap out of it and actually try to make a run for it.

Only, you failed to notice there´s a whole fucking family of undead…whatever they are. Leering at you, creeping closer, coming way too close and suddenly they´re on top, all snapping teeth and snarling in your face and JUST when you thought this is it-

Maggot Momma´s set her eyes on you first and she WILL start whoopin some asses if the family even thinks about touching what isn´t theirs to devour.

So as the family scuttles off with their tails between their legs (cause Deadite Momma rules) only you and Deadite Ellie remain. But you´re still alive and kicking (for now), so I guess that´s a good thing (kinda)?

I just really LOVE this concept of evil, otherworldly creatures absolutely thriving on wreaking havoc and committing murder left and right. I LOVE evil entities being truly evil and staying true to who they are and what makes them so ASDFNSADFLASDF. They´re just pure evil and long for utter chaos and destruction…except when it comes to a certain someone. When it comes to them it´s more like (not so) little shit mode activated with a healthy dose of “I licks it, I keeps it” and JUST the right amount of sweetness (that being: looking at you rather unimpressed when you reprimand them for brutally slaughtering someone, again.)

Also, they can be the biggest pain in the ass, my god- (you kinda adore it though, almost).

(Btw, Maggot Mommy trying to bring that eyeball back up looked JUST like my cats when they´re about to absolutely explode after they´ve eaten too much cat grass. it´s actually kind of…adorable? Lmao.)

So here you are and for some reason, this demon has deemed you worthy enough to keep around for a bit longer and maybe it´s your smell that ended up being your saving grace or maybe it´s something totally different. Either way, somehow you´ve found your way right into the clutches of this family of…undead beings (zombies?) and The Mother is quite pleased indeed…

So yeah, I guess you could see this as some kind of Tarzan/Jane story? Just really (really) fucked up? And Deadite Momma is trying (and failing miserably) to human.

But also, there would be lots of sniffing and licking involved, just saying.

But also also:

(Ahem...)

So, after some really, really, really long time has passed you´ve come to realize you might not get munched on after all. Maggot Momma still gotta learn the basics of human behavior though, like personal space wha-? (You indulge her moods most of the time though since you quite like being alive and all and you´d rather it stayed that way…)

And it´s even better when Maggot Momma ain´t realizing she´s doing it. With time, being neck-deep into whatever part of you has become sort of a natural response whenever her human is near. Which happens to be quite often since there´s only so much space to be had when you gotta share it with a family of evil ancient entities who hear and see it all. (Taking a piss has never been more uncomfortable.)

Most times, Maggot Mommy is being extra touchy feely just because she knows it makes you feel hella weirded-out (and some other things) though. She´s still a lil shithead after all and that´s why we love her.

Aight so, things have somewhat calmed down a bit (meaning: you´re not in danger of being eaten alive anymore) and the Deadite!Kids have decided that playing “pranks” on you is a good way to pass time. Pranks that give you nightmares. Like sitting in front of you. In the middle of the night. Unblinking. Wearing a grin rivalling Cheshire Cat´s. And what´s with their neck-

A head´s not supposed to do that.

But fear not, for Momma´s there to soothe your fears. And she´s trying, she really is.

But it doesn´t really help your case when Maggot Momma´s speaking to you oh so sweetly in her dark, sultry, demonic voice while the remains of some poor soul - foolish (or brave?) enough to wander her territory - are still sticking to her face, between her teeth, that breath my god-

So after attempting to calm you down, Momma´s decided now´s a good time for that promised ass whoopin.

Which doesn´t help in calming you down either since Deadite!Momma reprimanding her Deadite!Kids for scaring the absolute crap outta you (something only SHE gets to do) sounds like hell itself has opened up to swallow you whole. In other words: it does not sound pretty, at all.

The kids try to make it up to you though. They start to provide for you, even. Only, leg hasn´t exactly been on the menu for you (yet) and that severed head they brought you today didn´t do much for you either.

You actually excused yourself for a minute to go to the bathroom. You´re not planning on coming back out any time soon.

Meanwhile:

(Patience isn’t exactly Maggot Mommy’s strong suit though, so you better not keep her waiting for too long…)

(2 mins later:)

[tomorrowsgardennc]

today, let's talk about

✨️ aphids ✨️

specifically, when you have a basic greenhouse enclosure (aka not a commercial-built high tunnel with all the accessories).

aphids will be a problem. guaranteed. this is due to lack of airflow (like, legit airflow from wind or a very robust intake/exhaust system). i have a fan or few for my greenhouse tunnel contraption, but it's more for to help prevent stagnant air and keep the temperature uniform. i'm not at aphid-prevention level of airflow yet. and that's ok, because over the past few years i have learned the signs and what to do about them and today i am sharing with you.

✨️ step 1: finding ✨️

there is one tell tale sign that indicate you are in the presence of aphids. just like other pests, the sign you'll see is poop. for aphids, this looks almost like white and clear glitter on leaves. on the soil, it will look more like white glitter. the leaves will also be very sticky. sticky, glitter poop.

✨️ step 2: locating ✨️

ok, we found the pest poop. now to find the pests.

aphids nom on two parts of the plant: the newest growth, and under the leaves. as you see here, the very tip of this pepper plant has some babies. now when we get to the next stage, keep in mind that since the aphids are here, you already lost the game. there's no hope in this new growth unless you do the following and final step.

✨️ step 3: elimination ✨️

no no, put that neem oil down. neem oil kills any and all bugs. it does not detect which is good and which is bad. no no, dish soap and water legit does nothing except wash the poop away; ignore what pinterest and the influencers say about that combo. ok, army of ladybugs bought at the local hardware store is good, but we gotta do one more thing before we unleash them. and that's 𝓼𝓺𝓾𝓲𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰.

legit, the only way to remove an aphid infestation, regardless of what stage of infestation ("beginning", "haha, i'm in danger", or "HELP I'M DROWING IN GLITTER POOP") the most effective way to have any hope of saving the plants is to squish the aphids. this will not happen all in one day, nor two days, or three. day three is when you unleash the ladybug army, though, and i'll explain why in a second.

day one you'll be in shook and overwhelemed, and squish to your hearts content. but you will not get every single one nor any eggs. day two will show progress. day three is now manageable, and all the subsequent days afterwards will be to ensure you got every. single. last. one. including the eggs that hatch.

✨️ final step: release the hoard ✨️

sadly i can't find my video of releasing ladybug hoards in the greenhouse in years past... so i'll just scatter ladybugs 🐞 as i type this 🐞 part out to help with the ambiance.

ladybugs and other happy 🐞 bugs love to eat aphids. why not 🐞 have them do all the work?

well, think of your favorite cake. like legit the most perfect cake you could ever imagine. mine is yellow cake with chocolate mousse frosting and sliced fresh bananas. mmmm...

now imagine 20 of those, 🐞 and they're capable of reproduction. don't ask how, but they do. at a rate of 10 cakes every 🐞 other day.

🐞 how long will it take for you to be able to eat all those cakes before they can stop reproducing??

also, keep in mind when you purchase a pack of live ladybugs, only about 2/3rds actually are alive in the packet 🐞 by the time they make it to freedom and the remaining will either die very shortly from the last bit of energy to be free and fly away or just fly away and enjoy being elsewhere because they're an 🐞 introvert who was just stuck in a bag for a month or so 🐞🐞🐞🐞 and fuck everyone and everything they just want to leave regardless of the buffet at their feet.

that will leave you with approximately 10 ladybugs. and now that 🐞 you have done all that squishing, they will keep the aphids in check and make sure they don't pop up ever again. now your plants will attempt to regrow and leaves or new growth they lost and be happy.

✨️ the end 🐞✨️

[desceros]

Y'kno. Leo could have taken that little secret to the grave. Woulda sucked to live with it and he'd have deserved some inner turmoil for treating some random chick like dirt. Yet V was naive, trusting and loving enough to let it go if he'd never had brought it up.

But no, he had to clear his guilt. Unburden himself. Dump that shit on her.

And fuck, he's so used to her giving he was probably half-expecting forgiveness for it.

Gotamn, V can't catch a break. One one hand you got a guy you thought you were BFFs with who

a) hated you

b) used you as an emotional crutch for his whole family

and

c) couldn't even shut up about it to spare you the extra heartbreak after literally EVERYTHING ELSE.

And another guy who you thought was as into you as you were into him because he apparently can't communicate about feelings since he's shut himself out from that part of life and you gotta use hyperspecific, robotic wording to not get your heart broken again like you're signing a contract with some fucked up version of the fae.

None of them are putting in the work to mend any of their personal shit and you're the giving type that gets easily taken advantage of, even unintentionally.

Honestly, neither of them are shitting rainbows to be worth all the effort you gotta put in their asses for any semblance of a functional friendship/situationship.

Also

"You weren't part of the family."

U kno what, he can keep it. They're the only people who'll be able to stand him at this rate.

so i addressed the first part of this in another ask re: ableism here but i'll briefly summarize things here.

leo didn't tell viola-chan what was bothering him because he wanted to "clear his guilt" or "unburden himself. dump that shit on her." he told her because she has made it repeatedly clear that she values honesty. i imagine he would have never told her... but keeping a secret felt like a betrayal. so when she asked, he told her. even though he knew it would hurt and change everything.

With a sigh, you fold your arms, then look at him. “What does this have to do with what you wanted to talk about, anyway?” “Everything,” Leo says, looking at you with a heavy stare. “Because… I have a confession to make. One that’s… that’s going to change how we are. One I really don’t want to make, but it’s—it’s eating me alive. And I don’t think I can continue being friends without telling you.”

that said. i'm not defending his actions. this is abominable behavior. but it's not selfish. not this time.

as for donnie. i'm going to take some righteous issue with how you're saying this. i've spoken before about ableism that's cropping up around this fic, but so far it's been pretty. hm. things i can brush off. but this, i feel, really crosses a line for me.

your framing of an autistic person needing someone to "use hyperspecific, robotic wording to not get your heart broken again like you're signing a contract with some fucked up version of the fae" is ringing quite poorly in my ears.

as an autistic person myself who has specifically made requests to my own loved ones that this is the exact kind of language i need to have smooth relationships, i don't appreciate your wording.

in symphony, donnie doesn't use the label 'autistic'. but he is. and he doesn't come up to you and say 'hey can i please have his kind of language used with me.' because he hasn't had to do that before. everyone around him has had his entire life to adapt to his needs. but viola-chan hasn't, hence why they have friction and misunderstandings. a large part of this story is the two of them learning to communicate. and part of that, i am sorry to tell you, is that autistic people often need language that can come across as "robotic" and "hyperspecific". so i'm going to ask you to deal with it, or perhaps look for a different fic. i'm not going to change that interpretation of things, because it comes from my own experiences as an autistic person.

lastly, you say "none of them are putting in the work to mend any of their personal shit" and that just?? isn't true??? this is literally just poor reading comprehension. an inability to look past the limited point of view of the protagonist. the entire first arc of this fic (ch. 1-11) is donnie stretching out of his comfort zone to tackle this serious problem he has. the second arc (12-20) is him pushing past things he's never done before so he can heal and touch his brothers again. leo comes to you and tells you about his issues with his sleep, where they come from, and lets you help him. not to mention mikey and raph, whom i assume you're leaving out of this ask since you haven't mentioned them. draxum even mentions, specifically, that viola-chan's presence is making them change. and the way he says it is very specific.

“Blue has been much more lively since you came around, and Donatello is much less crabby. Michael was also telling me you gave him some good exercises for his wrist. I was impressed. I’ve been meaning to ask you to work with Red as well on his trauma response since you seem to have a knack for it.”

work with. not on. i know i'm subtle, but come on.

anyway. this got quite long, but i'm not going to put it under a cut because i want these things to be open and visible. i've had a couple people say some somewhat similar things about donnie's part in this and i'm. getting kind of tired of it lmao. but thank you for reading, and i do appreciate you taking the time to send in your thoughts!!

[allwormdiet]

Hive 5.9

Don't worry everyone, dragons are notoriously easy to defeat with little harm done, right?

Taylor's attempt at bravado is very humorous, if dramatically misplaced

Also Sundancer I'm so sorry you have to catch up so fast on Skitter stuff, but this is what you deal with in Brockton Bay

I dunno Taylor, I get that the objective here is that the ABB gets taken down, but are you sure the correct answer here doesn't involve Kaiser getting his stupid pointy ass cooked inside that armor?

Snark aside, this isn't a fully incorrect complaint to have about a teammate who's like. Not fighting. On a mission where you kinda all gotta fight. Like I know why Sundancer's not doing it, but that didn't get explained in much detail to anyone else

Skipping the part where Kaiser does his thing because he's a fucking Nazi and he doesn't get called "cool" or "interesting" he gets called a fucking Nazi

What I'd give for the shoe to be on the other foot here, but alas

Taylor, I love the noble intentions thing, your dedication remains as admirable as ever, however: he's a fucking Nazi. You're not spinning the "it's bad to murder people" idea this time.

Yeah yeah yeah! There we go! Use the friendly fire power while the Nazis are in the blast zone! Perfect! Sundancer I forgive everything, you're great

please don't make me eat those words later

Jesus fucking Christ that is hot

Guess that's proof Lung isn't totally immune to fire though

Yeah that

Fucking Nazi scumbag idiot.

Kaiser dies, right? There's no way he comes out of this story in one piece. I hope it's undignified. I hope his own spikes pin him in the Family Guy death pose.

What a great fucking sell on this moment, Jesus Christ

Oh no.

Ohhh no.

Taylor you are so fucking brave and that is a problem

Ho-ho-holy fuck this is so dire, it's great but also horrific.

See, yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the mistake that's gonna keep getting made here, and I'm pretty sure Lung's not even gonna get the worst of that. He's, y'know, still alive by the end of this.

Totally forgot about Newter's hallucinogen the first time I was reading this fight. So fucking cool as a detail.

So I joked back in Arc fucking 1 that either Lung was going to keep getting his eyes fucked up or Taylor was going to keep going for the eyes. I didn't expect to get more data for those at the same fucking time, but here we are I guess

God that's nasty, also incidentally not how eyeballs would come out, learned that by hanging around discussions of Naruto's plug-and-play magic eyes

(Short version is that the eye tissue would give up before the optic nerve would, so any eyes you yanked out would be. Less than whole.)

Oh thank God, I'd wondered about that actually

Nazi capes fuck off!! You tell em Taylor

If this isn't the vibe of Taylor interacting with other capes outside the team, I'll eat my hat.

Current Thoughts

Hoooooooly shit what a fucking chapter

What a fight, what a display, what an interwoven dance of stupid and clever and desperate and resolute

Taylor is only getting more brutal over time and I think she's gonna notice the blood on her hands (literal or otherwise) even less as she goes

Leaving it here for tonight, finish the arc tomorrow and keep this train a-rolling.

[tododeku-or-bust]

Today's Baldur's Gate run:

Twas my first full day playing the game on my own! (Til my bf came home) My notes:

Turn based combat is whooping my ass, y'all. It's the worst part of this experience to me. My bf said I might as well make Wyll a fighter since I keep using him to "hit things really hard". He also joked that my method of "Eldritch Blast" and "Fire Ball" are in line with warlock users. I kind of just press shit to win y'all 😭 I've never been good at RPGs, I actually hate them fr. So this is a brand new, out of comfort zone experience.

This entire game is a learning curve. Like.. idk what any of this shit means. Every corner it's something new. So much lore and I'm kind of just like "yeah okay sure I'll put that in my mind". Idk what I'm doing, really I've just been going where it seems like I'm supposed to. Currently I thought I was saving Halsin. Now I'm up against 3 absolutes (?) and goblins (?) idk but I saved for the night and quit there. It's just so much to dooooo 😭

I designed my guardian and she's hot ASF. Just saying. Dark skin, vitiligo, purple eyeshadow, shaved edges and that THANG behind her. 😤

Unfortunately Gale's gotta stay behind at camp. Might die there too. I'm barely good enough at this game to stay alive in combat and figure out the plot; I don't think I'm gonna purposely find magic artefacts. Nice guy, makes me laugh; a shame to do that to him.

Why is Mizora on the cover and not Karlach? We don't support abusive demon white women in these parts. Fix that.

Wyll's face when he saved Karlach. 🥺🥺🥺 Oh poor baby. My poor baby. He looked like he was gone weep, doing the right thing. Big ole eyes. Well, eye. Gotta give him a hug.

The first six hours of the game Astarion was NAWT fucking with me. I'm too nice for this man. But, I figured out that the same tricks I use in real life to make friends is what works in game: be intelligent, feed them, and let them go on about their woes. Now he won't stop talking to me 🤣 GOT EEM!

Unfortunately it seems like I'm gonna have to play this twice to get access to Wyll's story and perspective. It feels like I'm just playing the avatar character. Though I get bits and pieces. Unless ofc this is a part of the shafted writing I heard about. In which case I'm mad.

I'm also salty that the MCs don't get a nice lil tent set up. Why I gotta sleep on a lil dinky sleeping bag and everyone else gets a cool personalized tent??

Yeah I feel like at this point I just want to see how to get to the end 🤣 idk if I can play this again to get Wyll's perspective, this shit is so hard for me as it is 😭 But I'm finding myself enjoying the characters and every single character's voice acting, if nothing else.

[beatricebidelaire]

in brett helquist's letter, he said he never believed the stories he read about lemony in dp, whether it's in relation to the quagmire case or any other.

lemony was being accused of the quagmire fire ......... hmmm something something about how if someone's repeatedly rumored to be dead for various times (therefore in a way giving the impression that the previous reports were all wrong, that the death was false - perhaps potentially faked) it was then also easy to frame this person for arson, even after the supposed death - because hey, he faked it last time, and the time before that, and so on - wasn't that suspicious? he's the perfect scapegoat for all the arson committed by others, in a way, because he's "frequently rumored to be dead" but all those times can't all be correct. some has gotta be false reporting, even if he did indeed die at some point. the quagmire is very recent to canon timeline and lemony's been rumored dead before that. dp just keeps printing lemony to either be dead or had just committed arson don't they ..........

also, daily punctilio supposedly accused lemony of burning down the quagmire's place. we know from the slippery slope that quigley quagmire read the daily punctilio after the fire happened

“Well, nothing happened for a while,” Quigley said. “On the doorstep of the house was a copy of The Daily Punctilio, which had an article about the fire. That’s how I learned that my parents were dead. I spent days and days there, all by myself. I was so sad, and so scared, and I didn’t know what else to do. I suppose I was waiting for the herpetologist to show up for work, and see if he was a friend of my parents and might be of some assistance. The kitchen was filled with food, so I had enough to eat, and every night I slept at the bottom of the stairs, so I could hear if anyone came in.”

__

“The Daily Punctilio said that I died in the fire, too,” Quigley said. “The article said that my sister and brother were sent off to Prufrock Preparatory School, and that my parents’ estate was under the care of the city’s sixth most important financial advisor.” “Esmé Squalor,” Violet and Klaus said simultaneously, a word which here means “in a disgusted voice, and at the exact same time.” “Right,” Quigley said, “but I wasn’t interested in that part of the story. I was determined to go to the school and find my siblings again. I found an atlas in Dr. Montgomery’s library, and studied it until I found Prufrock Preparatory School. It wasn’t too far, so I started to gather whatever supplies I could find around his house.”

quigley did not mention the name lemony snicket. it's possible that the article accusing lemony was a later article, one published "after some investigations" and not immediately after the fire, so quigley did not read it.

alternatively, he read it, and then he met jacques snicket, of all people, while he's at monty's house. maybe jacques and he talked and he then understood/believed that lemony was not behind it. since lemony is not actually the one who burnt down the house, he decided not to mention this to the baudelaires.

if it was a different article and he never read the one accusing lemony, it was perhaps very narrowly avoided and he may have almost read the article and then come across jacques snicket, someone who's related to the "arsonist"

though, according to quigley, he did not know who J was at first, and maybe didn't know his name until a bit later

“I was interrupted,” Quigley said. “Someone walked in just as I was putting the atlas in a totebag I found. It was Jacques Snicket, although I didn’t know who he was, of course. But he knew who I was, and was overjoyed that I was alive after all.” “How did you know you could trust him?” Klaus asked. “Well, he knew about the secret passageway,” Quigley said. “In fact, he knew quite a bit about my family, even though he hadn’t seen my parents in years. And…” “And?” Violet said. Quigley gave her a small smile. “And he was very well-read,” he said.

anyway i just think the "almost could have" "maybe actually did" could play a lot into jacques and quigley's dynamic. if things were different, would he have trusted J?

[godtier]

so i wasn't gonna make a separate post about this but @sapphire-weapon had a post (that i reblogged a few days ago) in which someone mentioned that they think it was a missed opportunity in RE6 for jake to not have spoken to wesker. i had a p long conversation with sirea about it and my thoughts about that sentiment, but it was also nearly 3 AM my time when that happened so i dunno if i was even articulating my thoughts properly lmao

and yes... this is technically a meta post and i know i said i was gonna do the mmx meta post first... but this one isn't gonna be nearly as long (i hope) and i gotta get the brainworms out before i die

(quick edit note: i reworded the list item below from saying he was "likely a drug addict" to "likely a recreational drug user" because i feel like that better encompasses what i'm trying to get across

(another edit note: i made another post regarding jake's usage of drugs that stemmed from this post! it's marked as mature bc of drug usage, so it won't show up in tag search. if you're interested in that, look here!)

so the idea that wesker being alive in OG RE6 would have brought an opportunity for jake's character is kinda, imo, antithetical to the purpose of jake's character in the first place.

when we meet jake, we know a few things about him, right off the bat:

he's a mercenary

he's likely a recreational drug user or at least heavy/risk-taking user

he doesn't give a fuck about anything but making money

his whole character journey is going from this selfish, money-focused dickhead to someone who actually cares about doing something good, just because it's the right thing to do. at the start, jake refuses to simply give his blood away when sherry mentions needing it for a vaccine. no, he wants a cash payout. 50 million dollery-doos for a pint of his blood. by the end, he lowers the price to a mere 50 dollars. one could argue that was symbolic and he actually didn't care if he was paid or not, but that's neither here nor there.

but why was he like this? because his childhood was shite; his mother was sickly, he had no father figure, and by 15-ish, jake had to learn how to hustle to keep food on the table. and by "hustle" i mean "do a bunch of mercenary work and killing people." and when shit went south with his little group of mercenaries (their entire group was sold out by a heel-turner), jake basically went "fuck alla y'all" and lost all sense of conviction or morals.

during the game, he expresses his bitterness for his father, wesker, pretty clearly. even though his mother still loved wesker, tried to raise jake to respect him despite never knowing him, it didn't matter to jake. he hated that guy. well, really, who doesn't?

we're not gonna talk about excella rn ok

jake's entire character arc is built up around this hatred as well as a subconscious fear of becoming his father. the fear part doesn't show up until later in the story, after he and sherry were captured by the Big Bad's organization. they were both experimented on for several months, during which jake overheard the researchers talking about his father, wesker. this gives jake a sort of "explanation" as to why he is the way he is; he takes the "nature" side of the nature vs nurture argument.

ofc sherry scolds his ass and basically tells him "grow up and take responsibility for your actions."

and here's the thing... this fear, narratively, works just fine without wesker being there.

(since this got obscenely long, pls continue below for the actual explanation lmao)

jake eventually comes to the conclusion that yeah no it's definitely up to him to not become wesker, not his genetics. he does this without wesker being there. that's the entire point of his character journey. in order for an interaction with wesker to even matter or have any sort of impact on jake's character arc, his character arc as a whole would need to change.

see, imo, wesker being there diminishes a lot of the power of that journey. in the game, he isn't there for jake to scream at, to question. all those thoughts in his head that might be circulating around, like why he left his mother, why he did what he did, etc, cannot be answered. this is not a bad thing in a character arc as this is shit that happens to people all the time. people don't always get the answers they may want from family members because those family members are dead. they have to learn to move on without those answers or they have to rely on people who knew that person to fill in the blanks. this is what jake already does in game. he has to rely on sherry, and by a smaller extent, chris, to fill in those blanks for him.

but we as players, observers of the narrative, already know the answers to some of those questions. why wesker did what he did, primarily. anything else is only pertinent to jake and him knowing those answers doesn't change anything for his character arc as it is.

if wesker was there in the game, what would that even add to jake's narrative? a scene where jake yells at his dad? asks him "why did you leave?" when wesker wasn't even aware that he had a kid in the first place? remember: wesker had no fucking idea that he had a child. there would be no reason for wesker to even believe jake in the first place. sure, there could be a scene where he goes "well i'll be damned, ig he really is my misfired chromosome," but... then what? what does that add?

you could argue that wesker could use jake, maybe try to manipulate him into doing shit for his plans, but... that wouldn't work with the way jake's characterization is mapped out. his entire characterization would have to change for this to work in a satisfying way.

jake already hates wesker without ever meeting him. he would not willingly participate in anything wesker offered to him. he already knows that wesker nearly destroyed the world multiple times and had a hand in destroying an entire city. even if jake has no moral compass at the start of the game, by the time he learns about what wesker really did, who he really was, he's already showing that he does have one, it was just dormant up until that point. he's clearly disgusted by what wesker did. what foothold would wesker have that wouldn't immediately result in it just falling flat?

given how wesker is, i could see him perhaps belittling jake, maybe saying "wow you suck for being my spawn," or something during a fight with the intent to rile him up. would that work? no, not narratively nor not in the way jake is characterized. again, jake doesn't want to be like wesker. why would insulting him and saying he's not "as good" as wesker expected him to be motivate jake or even anger him? it shouldn't, because jake doesn't want to be anything like wesker. if anything, it may annoy him, but that's kind of a lame reaction, right?

if anything, the most i could see culminating out of this would be jake standing over wesker after he's defeated again (because it's resident evil and obviously wesker can't win) and having a "wow idk what i was worried about" moment. that's it.

but he doesn't need that. having a scene like that cheapens the weight of him figuring that out himself, without wesker there as "proof."

because the point of his story, of his character arc, is that he figures that out on his own (and with the help of sherry and the events he witnesses) because he has to. he doesn't need wesker there to spoon-feed that to him. he figures that out by working with sherry, by seeing the effects of the C-Virus on everything that it infects. wesker being an abstract entity in his life is enough, because the frustration of not seeing him, not being able to put a bullet in his skull himself, fuels the rest of his journey.

this is where i think that people who make these observations or criticisms (primarily those who think that jake's character would have been improved if wesker was there) need to understand the difference between what's good for a character as a person and what's good for their arc.

interacting with wesker would be good for jake as a person, in that he would no longer need to wonder about it. the answers would be spelled out for him, and he wouldn't have to do any wondering about the what-if. he wouldn't have any doubts left that he'd need to untangle.

but in doing that, it cheapens his arc; it would do more of a disservice to it, imo, than anything else. it would make his journey more formulaic and boring.

it would also clutter up the already cluttered narrative of that game. you have him not only struggling with his heritage, struggling with the fear of becoming his father, struggling with needing to be the "savior" by giving his blood, struggling with his moral compass, but now also struggling with seeing his father for the first time in person?

it makes his arc top-heavy. in that scenario, you could easily replace him with another, completely new character who has zero ties to wesker and the story wouldn't change in any meaningful way. the reason why it works the way to does now is because wesker is already dead. it creates that internal conflict, that internal frustration, that jake has to learn how to deal with since he cannot take that frustration out on his father in-person. he has to make peace with that struggle in other ways.

now, that's not to say there aren't ways that adding wesker into the story of RE6 that don't disrupt that balance. primarily, when it comes to a potential RE6 remake, the writing team can (and hopefully will) rework aspects of the entire game to make the plot more streamlined. this could include adding wesker in and redoing jake's characterization and character arc entirely.

this would be the only way i could see it working out. if jake's entire motivation was changed, his entire backstory was tweaked, then wesker being around could probably work! an interaction between them could be made to make sense and not bog down the rest of the plot as a result.

sirea also mentioned to me in our conversation that adding wesker in to RE6 remake could actually help streamline the plot and i do agree with that. she mentioned that all of the main characters have a tie to wesker in some way, which is absolutely true. having him there would neatly tie their campaigns together in the plotline and make the game as a whole feel less disjointed and messy.

this is especially true when we consider there are 4 fuckin campaigns that all run alongside one another and intersect at random points. it gets so fucking difficult to page through and figure out when certain things happen in the plot. you'll see them happen in order in chris's campaign, for example, then you go start leon's campaign and have to start over again and try to remember what happened at the same time during chris's campaign and so on.

now imagine that not with just two campaigns but four. it gets gross quick. sure, there are parts where the characters run into each other and that helps ground a general timeline in your head, but as far as time elapsed... it's so fuckin hard u guise

there's a reason why it's so hard to summarize the plot of RE6. it's because there is just so much going on in that fucking game.

anyway, that's my rant/sort of meta analysis about why i think wesker didn't need to be in OG RE6 and probably would have made jake's entire arc stupider than it already was

[hyprmemes]

bullet train (2022) starters edit as you see fit

“a father’s job is to protect his family”

“you never know what horrible fate your bad luck has saved you from”

“you are getting the new and improved me”

“i’m less reactive to situations, i’m more accepting of people’s shortcomings”

“you put peace out in the world, you get peace back”

“my bad luck is biblical”

“i’m not even trying to kill people and someone dies”

“talk about a candidate for self-improvement”

“please tell me you didn’t order the sleeping powder”

“you don’t have to nick the biscuits, man”

“i think they’ll notice the childish code names first”

“oh, now he’s callin’ a fruit sophisticated”

“when was the last time you ate a lemon meringue pie?”

“i’m sorry, are you talking about lemons?”

“you idiots work for my father?”

“we could deliver you back to your pops in a box”

“you ever watch thomas the tank engine?”

“i always bring my stickers with me, you know that”

“your daddy hired us to get you out of the trouble you got yourself into, didn’t you, naughty boy”

“you’re startin’ to get on my tits”

“our job is to keep you safe and to recover the briefcase with the ransom money inside”

“he doesn’t need a reason to kill people like you, he needs a reason not to”

“family’s more important than money, right?”

“why do i even bother forwarding you the briefings?”

“there’s this soulless psychotic leader with the largest criminal organization on the planet shoved right inside our fucking ass cheeks”

“if you mention thomas the tank engine one more time, I’m gonna shoot you in the fucking face”

“but i’m not in someone else’s story”

“you’re going to kill him for me”

“i will ruin your life the way you ruined mine”

“let this be a lesson in the toxicity of anger”

"talk to him or, like, talk to him?”

“you are fuckin’ excused”

“the guy who stabbed me, i spilled wine on his suit”

“i’m really gonna have to process my part in the incident on monday”

“i didn’t realize i was gettin’ a babysitter to come cut my bollocks”

“this rude enough for ya, ya fucking prick?”

“shove that fuckin’ hat up your fuckin’ asshole, you hear me?”

“gotta use your small inside voice in here”

“there’s a gun underneath this table pointed right at you, so i would…”

“you look like every white homeless man i’ve ever seen”

“well, you also have a shoot-able face”

“i’ve learned that with any potential conflict there’s an opportunity for growth, a path to a peaceful outcome”

“every day is a fucking headache with you, innit”

“you’re alive, i’m alive, everyone’s happy”

“i ain’t got the time or the patience, let alone the interest”

“would you describe me as someone who lives in perpetual anxiety?”

“it’s some fuckin’ ’80s dance-off, innit?”

“do us a favor, get the fuck off my back, will ya?”

“you shoot first and come up with the answers later”

“oh, my god, did you just say “whack”?”

“well, i don’t think they were in the market for fucking dildos and pantyhose, were they?”

“you’re a terrible father, and your son is going to pay for all the mistakes that you’ve made”

“i’m gonna go find a temple and reevaluate my choices or something”

“you’re gonna close your eyes, and i’m gonna count to three”

“you’re not even afraid and your lip’s quivering”

“thirty seconds before the venom does its thing”

“are you lying on the ground in the fetal position?”

“you gonna fuckin’ waltz up here and blow my brains out in front of the whole fuckin’ carriage of witnesses?”

“keep your fucking knickers on, all right?”

“make sure you do something that brings you peace, ’cause everything else is a pain in the ass”

“you’re not going to let me get hurt”

“a blind man could see you are the one in the dark”

“fate for me is just another word for bad luck”

“i will finally be allowed to make things right”

“when we are so quick to anger, we are slow to understand”

“i’m fast to kick your ass, though, i swear to god”

“i should’ve put a bullet through your ass!”

“why are you motherfuckers using metaphors?”

“i built myself up from the nothing you gave me”

“i’m more like you than that little fuck up ever was”

“kill me like you did all the others who tried the same”

“shouldn’t the plum give up all resentment?”

[mr-and-mr-diaz]

so i’ve been thinking about it for an additional five minutes and here’s what i’ve got and its kinda blowing my mind. Each person in buck’s life either had a Moment with him either in the coma dream or at his real life bedside, with a few noted exceptions. I’ll explain:

Chimney: coma dream, and MY GOD did they make good use of him here. As the guy who is always first to believe in The Crazy he was PERFECT to be the guy who’s like “yeah alright, one ticket to the crazy train.” I’m sorry but Buck proving that he knew him by knowing why he’s called Chimney had me lollling

Hen: Sceptic. And in the coma dream as the milder voice of reason. Funny, and good at keeping things moving. She and Chimney were also great to have in imaginary land since they are the ones who are the most stable without Buck in their lives, likely because of how much they stabilize each other

Maddie: In the coma dream and IRL, but coma!Maddie is essentially Maddie from season 2. Literally heart breaking. Speaking of, my heart is still not over the way she saw the firefighter at the door and simply said “which one”

Athena and May: Buck’s (let’s face it) step-mom and by association, step sister. They’re in real life because without Bobby there, they don’t ever have much to do with him. They understand clear as day that Buck is Bobby’s other son, and they accepted it ages ago, to the point they find it amusing every step Bobby takes to realize it himself. (Back to Bobby in a moment.)

Eddie and Christopher: They’re of course in IRL because without Buck intervening as he does they wouldn’t have a place in his life or in each other lives (pause so i can SCREEEEEEEEEAM about this) In real life, they’re begging him to come back--or more accurately, Chris is, while Eddie stands silently behind him, barely able to see Buck and crying his eyes out. I think when Eddie wasn’t initially fighting for Chris to see Buck all Hospitalled Up, as it were, is because Eddie didn’t think Chris could handle it. The real truth of the matter is Eddie couldn’t handle it. We saw it ourselves--Chris was shaken, but able to pull himself together enough to say his piece and beg Buck to come back into their lives (insert couch metaphor here, y’all make it fit). Eddie could barely look at the bed, and when he did, his eyes filled with tears and he couldn’t speak. Eddie in the coma dream exists, is mentioned, but he’s lost in his anger, doesn’t have his life-lines to reach out for, is missing the man who has his back, and because of that lost everything. These two men truly are unanchored without each other, and without their son (yeah I said it, sue me), are missing a key element that makes their family a family.

Now Bobby. Bobby is the most notable one who is both there irl and in Buck’s coma dream. The man who entered his second marriage with a son he didn’t fully realize he had, though now he’s definitely realized it. The man who is dead without Buck in his life. Who stayed alive because one pesky kid had the gall to work his pesky way under Bobby’s skin and stressed him out enough to look after him and care and not stop caring until he had a whole goddamn family in his hands, both with Athena and at the 118. I’m still struggling to fully feel all the feels here and btw I think we need to take a moment to give MAD PROPS to Peter Krause for his turn as dead addict Bobby because he was fantastic.

It’s interesting, because for some reason in my head, I expected Buck’s coma dream to actually be really pleasant and happy and the lesson he learns is that life is hard but you gotta do it anyway and you’ll be rewarded for hard work. The coma dream was very different--twisted and, for all that Buck was in it, it was missing him like an open wound. I didn’t realize it right away, but Coma Buck is the Buck that’s born for parts, the Evan Buckley that Buck sees himself as in his own head. 

It’s the Buck that can’t help but reach out to help, that desperately tries over and over again to be the support that he himself is desperate for, that has irrevocably changed lives, with his worn heart out on his sleeve, collecting people that care about it without him really realizing, and in return making them care more about themselves, that makes Buck truly who he is, and makes his actual reality what it is. And that’s goddamn beautiful.

Please add your thoughts to this, my brain is still expanding

@loveyourownsmiilee @blutterlie @matan4il

[ramonag-if]

Hey there! Loved the new chapter(as usual) - got me feeling all kinds of emotions that I will not be recovering from anytime soon. 😭 I just wanted to write something cause I really love your writing and story and I’ve been following this WIP since it was posted(sorry if it’s long, I just really love these kinds of things).

While I’m not really angry with our mom, I don’t think my MC is gonna want to have anything to do with her cause seriously??? You leave your child with their emotionally closed off father who never expected to care for a child and was a part of a group that killed many of your people simply for their heritage? I understand you were trying to escape and now you’re a super important person leading a rebellion but you couldn’t even check in to see if your ex and child were still alive by like sending a spy disguised as a merchant or something? Having to be asked about Ahlf by her was painful(in like the best ways but I was also kind of offended for him). It doesn’t help that my MC has also been feeling like she won’t be accepted by the Ishari people because she wasn’t raised there and whatnot so seeing that her mom just had a whole other family with a daughter who *is* Ishari. Part of me wasn’t surprised we had a half-sibling but that didn’t stop the disappointment, feeling of betrayal and even some resentment - like wow you are a fantastic writer, thank you so much for blessing us with your art. 🥰

I have to ask though, what would our dad think about Salyra having this whole other family after everything that’s happened? While I’m not entirely sure how the two feel about each other, I can imagine he’d be upset for the MC. Like how they were just left to be taken care by him when he couldn’t be that parent they needed and how her absence and unknown status clearly affected them - not to mention the fact that Salyra thought they’d be safer in a small village of a country that was rather open about their problems with Ishari. She’s right that we don’t know what happened and how it went down but I mean did she ever really expect to see us again? Was she trying or did she just decide that there was no point?(spoilers most likely so ignore that I’m just really invested). I can’t help but wonder what our recently discovered family would think? I felt my MC’s fear when hearing about our half sibling that they would honesty prefer Rana to MC because now they would have a ‘real’ Ishari daughter of Salyra to bond with. Also, my first thought to Rana maybe developing a little crush on Irus was, “Nah, you already took my mom, you ain’t taking my Prince.” I know she’s like 10, and my MC is planning on being a good older sister but we gotta draw the line at Irus. He’s my MC’s emotional support Prince. 😅

Regardless, it isn’t looking all that great for Salyra and my MC will be keeping her at arms length unless she needs to gain favor in order to get the alliance or more help in some way(Literally would do anything for Irus, completely in love with him). I am so looking for to the drama though, you write it so well. 👀

Thank you so much for playing and I'm so happy you enjoyed the update 💖😊 And thank you so much for your continued support, it really means so much to me!

It is really a complicated thing with Salyra and you are more than free to feel upset/betrayed/hurt by the way she's gone about protecting the MC. I do enjoy complicated family dynamics, it's something that I've always tended to write about in my stories since I feel like it's not always showcased as much as romantic angst. Thank you for enjoying the angst, I do have a blast writing it 😆

You will get a chance to learn about Ahlf's feelings about Salyra - there's a lot that happened that the MC was unaware about between their parents and you'll also get to see the Vinian family react to Salyra in Part 3 😬😅

Don't worry, the Vinian family already love the MC and will accept the NC regardless of their heritage. Zikar's mother is from Vinia, so they're already quite open to other cultures.

Irus is never going to abandon the MC 😆 So rest assured, Rana's childhood crush will eventually fade away.

Salyra will help the MC regardless of their relationship because she sees it as her way if trying to make up for her absence, so feel free to be as upset and rude as you want 😋

[alpaca-clouds]

Isaac's Styria

As anyone who reads my stuff on Ao3 will know: What really has me fascinated about Castlevania in the end is Styria post-canon. Because it is just such an interesting scenario.

We know that Styria has been ruled by the sisters for hundreds of years. How many hundred years? That we do not know. But we can pretty certainly say it has been at least 200 years. Maybe even more.

As the show does not go a lot into the worldbuilding (which, again, is totally fine, because it would not add to the plot), so we do not exactly know what life in Styria looks like. But we do know that the vampire sisters talk about the humans within the country as livestock, so not really considering them as people. We also see that - until the mercenaries are hired - there are only vampires living in the castle.

So, it is pretty clear that within Styria under the sisters humans were at most just second class to the vampire. But it also seems that the sisters mostly keep to themselves. We do not really see them in any meaningful interact with any of the other vampires. Though the other vampires seem to have a good life for the most part.

Now, Isaac takes over by killing Carmilla. Striga and Morana decide not to return to the castle, because they care more about each other than they care about ruling. And Isaac decides that he wants to build "a way for people to live". Which is all very nice as a sentiment... But it also makes me think about stuff.

Through the dialogue of Miranda we know that Styria mostly holds the neighbouring kingdoms off by force. Which kinda makes sense. Because on one hand we do know that certain people do not like a kingdom ruled by women (which for the time is admittedly not quite historically accurate, given that the neighbouring duchy of Bavaria had a duchess ruling at the time) and I highly doubt that the human kingdoms were quite happy about their vampire neighbours.

But with Isaac taking the throne he is gonna run into some problems, right? Because racism and anti-muslim sentiment. And also because he has not learned how to rule. We know he knows how to read and probably also write at least. We see him read in Greek, he very likely also knows how to read/write Arabian. Given he tried to learn what his owner was doing, he probably also knows some Latin. He probably does not know any German.

But he seems to aim to make a society where people can actually be free. So instead of having their labour exploited (what happened under feudalism as well, though not to the degree of capitalism), so that they can have an actual future instead of "an eternal now".

But while a great idea, he is very much gonna struggle in having it happen, right? Because the human populus was held as livestock. So we gotta wonder how much they know about self-governance and such.

And there is also another issue: Canonically he has all the vampires in the castle killed. But it is likely that he needs some of those vampires to help him, because he needs some people who know stuff about the realm and the best people for that would be some vampires.

Which is why I just opted to ignore the "kill everyone" part, with about sixty vampires surviving the attack on the castle. (With more vampires that were acting as border guards also being alive in the end.)

But that also would mean that they are going to have to include the vampires into the government, too. And of course, a free society would have some form of democracy or anarchism as the form of government. Probably with Isaac acting as a figurehead king because without some form of nobility folks would not accept the realm as such.

Now, I have Striga and Morana return to Styria after two years. After the events of The lesser Evil to be exact. Because it ends up being mutually beneficial. Striga and Morana are of course in more danger as long as they are out there without an actual home. Because, you know, they still die in the sunlight. So a vampire castle most certainly is preferable. Meanwhile Isaac really does not know how to run the place - and the people probably also do not know it. So, having them help would be good for either side.

Morana was the administrator. And as such she can probably teach a lot of things to Isaac. She also seems to be the most attached to Carmilla out of the sisters from what we see, which makes me think that she is also gonna hate Isaac's guts. Because he was the one who killed Carmilla. (I mean, technically Carmilla killed herself - but let's not kid ourselves, if she hadn't, he would've killed her within the next minute.)

But with the vampires being around - which again is necessary - there also needs to be a solution for feeding. While we never quite know how this happens in Carmilla's Styria, I am just gonna assume that people die. Because that is just how vampire culture is shown to deael with that.

But in a more equal society, there can be consensual feeding. We know that vampires cannot need too much blood given how long Dracula goes without blood. So, you know, have humans who volunteer to give a bit of blood.

Some of the vampires might actually grumble about that. Because to them the aspect of hunting for the food was actually part of the fun. But that is an actual compromise.

Again, who reads my post-canon Styria stuff knows, that I am very fascinated by this topic. Because it is just such a hopeful ending for that storyline.

And yes, also it is no secret that I just really love the characters involved. That is Hector, Isaac, Striga, Morana and also Abel and our little awkward FlysEyes. I find them so interesting as characters and I really enjoy writing about their relationships. Not only the romantic ones, but also the platonic ones.

So... yeah. I wanted to talk a bit more about this before Nocturne comes out. As I still doubt that we will get to know much about what happened there after the ending.

So, if you crave more content about the forgemasters, the wives and the night creatures... go read my post-canon Styria stuff.

[sburbian-sage]

Native Witch of Breath here, also been a Witch of Might and Witch of Void, though currently a Heir of Hope. I gotta say, I personally put a lot of stock in familiar theory! I just don't think it applies to every Witch in every session, and the was that cherub was doing it was pretty crazy.

It can be part of the progression of a cryptical class, I think. Witches can be hard to understand, so they in turn get something that's usually not even the same species, or thinks very differently to them, that *they* have to deal with not being able to understand. (Not sure if Mages have an equivalent? Maybe they do and it's just not as obvious.)

It also ties into the whole "Witches usually prototype something terrible" thing. Often the sprite actually is the familiar- a familiar doesn't need to stay with you the entire game, just long enough for the game to try and get the point across.

My first session, I prototyped my pet bird that died. It was a very touching reunion, but it was SO eager to leave, and I had to keep convincing it to stay, until I eventually realized that sprites leaving was part of the game, and that as a Breath player I shouldn't be restricting something's freedom anyway, even if it was to much of a birdbrain to really explain itself.

In the session I was a Witch of Might, it was admittedly a little more metaphorical. I was going out of my skull trying to understand the "Might is water" thing, and so I took the glitch FAQ's advice, and went to stare at an ocean.

And then after doing that for an hour I lost it because I was under a lot of stress in general and this was the last straw and blew up the beach (bombkind FTW). But after I was done, I saw all the water, pooling in the craters I left, flowing together to join the whole, and suddenly something clicked. After that point, it was really hard to conceptualize water as NOT being alive, an ever-present being in the vapor around me, that I had to learn how to ask for help. Like how the water could only pool once I made the craters for it, I needed to figure out that same kinda stuff for other situations.

...And than as the Witch of Void, I didn't have one. Which, I guess makes sense, but I HAVE heard of Void Witches that do have a familiar, so whatever.

So yeah, I guess I don't have any solid proof here, I get that any of these things could have happened to any player- but my point is, it's how Witches RELATE to these things, that's different. Every player has a sprite that leaves them, but a Witch may find that it's oddly related to their aspect. Every player has to figure out their aspect and listen to it's whisperings, but as a Witch I practically saw it as another player in it's own right. And then sometimes maybe it just doesn't happen, I dunno.

Finally, I think this is a stretch, but it might even be part of why Witches get that weird crazy boost to gardening? Plants are also living things that are different from you, so a plant could be your familiar, and it would be bad if it died or never got planted before it could fulfill it's role?

Very interesting. Or because you discussed plants, intreesting.

If I'm interpreting this correctly, it seems like Familiar Theory doesn't relate to an actual game construct, so much as it refers to a sort of (para)psychological event, not unlike the Third Man Factor. It's not that Witch players somehow gain access to special pets when that's normally impossible, it's that the cryptical nature of Witches is isolating, being deliberately obtuse and interacting with the game in such a manner that no other player could relate to the Witch even if it wasn't mechanically penalized. So the Witch, in a way, conceptualizes a companion or other meaningful relationship who they can relate to (alleviating the isolation) and who communicates with them or otherwise imparts meaning in an obtuse, nonobvious, or cryptic manner (acting as a Witch to the Witch, as you said, or perhaps being a Class-analogue of the normally Aspect-oriented Whispers).

If anything, this seems somewhat comparable to the various SBURB mental disorders. Not to imply that you're a repeated sufferer of mental delusions, mind, only that it's a special psychological phenomenon that could only really be understood in the context of SBURB. Not to mention that the mental disorders are all deleterious in nature (hence "disorder"), while Familiar Theory seems mostly positive.

Emphasis on mostly, because as we know the Cherub Witch of Hope is off her rocker. With all of this in mind though, I wonder if it's possible to "diagnose" her, in a way. She called her brother "a beast to be tamed", said that "controlling him was [her] only hope", and that he was her "reward" for making it through the session. She's not currently a Witch of Hope, I think, that's her Native Title and I don't know what she is currently (her brother's Native Title is unknown but he's currently a Mage of Rage). A fair amount of this boils down to her believing that her brother is innately evil or destructive (even though he seems pretty pleasant), but how much of this relates to Familiar Theory? "Reward" implies a certain amount of possessiveness, less like she's the student and he's the teacher, more like she's the owner and he's the pet. As far as "Familiar Theory as the Third Man Factor" goes, SBURB is already stressful, and a duo session would be doubly stressful at least. Especially because only one "side" is active at a time, halving the rate at which progress is made, and depriving an already loney Witch of anyone she could possibly talk to. I think I have two theories now.

Theory #1 is that she underwent a sort of stress meltdown in her first session, and underwent "Familiar Theory" towards her brother as a coping mechanism. She ascribes negative intention to him, and felt like she was their only chance at survival, with him as a malicious millstone. As an active harbinger of complexification, wielding rejection, she began putting up a facade of saccharine disposition, and adopted a drive to sublimate her alter ego. A strengthening of willpower that let her fully embody active Hope, pushing against the odds and rejecting any undesired outcomes, including those of an unsuccessful session, and her brother achieving dominance (or equilibrium). Of course, abusers derive power from mistreating others, so she isn't letting her "Familiar" go unless she can be forced to. This theory accounts for everything, of course. His needing to be tamed (malicious intentions ascribed), controlling him is her only hope (internalizing rejection), her reward (someone she has power over), and the material conditions for a Witch to seek a Familiar.

Theory #2, of course, is that she isn't even understanding Familiar Theory correctly, and is instead interpreting it uber-literally. This theory accounts for her being a skeevy weirdo with a loose grip on reality, because she is the Cherub Pet Gal.

[system-of-a-feather]

Oh god being a trauma holder is no fucking joke ''T'ᴥ'T''

I nudged Riku for the front so I could listen to my music and find new things to listen to and that was fun and all until I was hit by a bicycle of trauma triggers of the stuff I have that were passively set off like a few days ago apparently T⌓T Trauma holding is a full time job even when you get better at holding and processing it all and staying grounded T⌓T

But you KNOW I have my MUSIC and so sometimes you just gotta ruffle it off. Do a nice rouse and shake that ick off and focus on what you can handle and control now and not what you escaped and what haunts you. It's easier said than done and I only think I can do it right now cause over the past however many days I think its water downed from a freight train trigger to a bike so its like, ow ◉‿◉ but I'm alive and nothings broken so I'm just gonna *grabs my music* go on with my life since it can't catch me because I'm OK and able to currently walk away from the past that I was ensnared in

But also

*shivers*

Still feels like theres a spider on the back of my neck trying to convince me I am dead and that I should look at what is no longer a present threat and NO spider on my neck, I am not going to edit in a "probably" because you sir are PTSD. (though it is hard to resist but let's use our wise mind here) (≖ ‸ ≖ ✿)

Anyhow, I might also post here more to add a different perspective and aspect of our healing journey to this blog, but I do think I will follow Riku's general rules of keeping this overall productive and not solely for vents and similar since I don't really feel the interest in sharing or talking about things (honestly not even sure if I could if I wanted to because *motions to trauma and selective mutism*)

Also x2, I fluctuate between the loudest talkative part or one of the most silent parts solely because I have learned the only way I can actually hold onto the ability to communicate and not fall into selective mutism is to incessantly burn emotional coal into the "excited" and "loud" fire to keep my ability to talk going because my resting state is psychogenic mutism.

Also x3, I also support and agree with the whole 'don't call yourself a mute alter' and if anything I say here counteracts that please do correct me. As a part that only (relatively) recently started to be able to break out of the psychogenic mutism - I can not fathom how it would be like to have that as a chronic actual body / brain condition and would like the best to support those that do.

[trucbiduleschouettes]

for any oc you want!

🌲 How deeply does your OC feel? Are they typically empathetic or do they have a hard time connecting with others in this way? What are they like when offering support and comfort to someone they care for?

💫What is your favourite fact about this character and why?

🌸 What are some of their favourite things and why? List as many as you can think of!

Thank you for asking Oni! Gonna pick Kora for this one hehe

-

🌲- "I don't really want to connect with people. What's the point? If you're somewhat cool, we'll hit it up I suppose. If not, get off my face."

"...or that'd what I'd like to say. But if Liande hears me say that, she'll laugh and... ah, guess it's ok if she does... 'nyway, I guess I don't really care for people or about connections, but I do have a handful of friends I suppose. And my wife. She makes it really hard to not learn to care and connect a bit more to others though, sometimes. She's better at it than I am. I feel more at ease around her and the brats. It feels... easier to just be. Guess even I can be caught smiling in those cases, heh..."

💫- [ I really like that Kora does her best to appear hard and uncaring, and in many aspects she can be, but she does have a softer side that's pretty easy to see, no matter what she say. I also like the fact that she actually do love dancing and singing and playing music with others- again, she is pretty easy to mellow down as long as it's the handful of people she care about and trust]

🌸- I love my wife, of course. You would too, if you met Liande. I also love her cooking. Good thing too, considering it's part of her job. I love the stupid brats we look after, sometimes. Gotta keep them safe. I enjoy festivals. Not the stupid poshy kind with their stiff back and lack of fun- the proper kind. Loud, always shifting, full of life. I like to become stronger, too. Prove I'm useful for something...I just love being alive, for however long I still have left.

(she seems to grow embarassed and cuts the conversation short)

[wanderingrustus]

35's... certainly a number. One I'm pondering quite a bit as I lie here fighting with myself trying to get some sleep.

But there's some stuff I gotta get off my chest too.

I've been in some mucky, murky, ink-black headspace lately, and it's definitely been affecting the way I look at stuff. I'm so easily irritated by everything that I want to tell the whole world to piss off and choke on a lemon. That's... not like me.

But I'm coming to the conclusion that what irritates me most is, simply, me. More specifically, my perception of myself and how unfulfilled I feel. That I am not reaching my full potential. That in some ways, I don't even feel like I recognize myself.

But that's a battle coming to a head.

Over the last few months, I have been taking time to do small things to try and improve myself. I'm down over 20 pounds since the end of December. Considering I was almost 300 pounds at that point, this is a step in the right direction.

I've also been taking small steps to gain confidence enough to learn to play piano... care of the tutorials contained in Rock Band 3. Considering the weight I've shed has been from both drinking less soda and from drumming, all I would have to do is learn bass and I could easily be a one man music machine. I'm gonna be real though, I don't foresee learning bass anytime soon with the next part going on.

But the biggest step for me comes in fulfilling one of my lifelong dreams: to create a video game. I am participating in a game jam (basically a small contest of amateur creators) next month in which I am entering the demo of a currently unnamed strategy RPG I have been working on for several years. It's not groundbreaking or flashy, but it's undeniably me, and it's one of few things I am proud of that I've created over the years. Want to give a big shoutout to @vilkalizer @vonithipathachai and @gyppygirl2021 for inspiring me to not give up, and to keep that spark alive.

Trying to balance it all is a challenge... and half the fun. But I do wish it would let me sleep tonight...

Either way, 35... is quite a number, and let's leave it at that.

Stay safe out there \m/