#tbf he had to hear them both bitch about each other (and see Daz be a dick to Aster) for three goddamned years

[infinitethree]

The group of people gathered is eclectic, to say the least.

Jeste, the Punz from the SMPza; Spark and Caper of the Prank Guild; Quizzy, making a rare appearance awake; and, lastly, Raine.

The purpose of their gathering is pretty obvious, at least. There’s some sort of poker game going on.

“C'mon, you gotta give us more than that,” Quizzy begs Raine, who shrugs a little. “Not unless you win, Quiz.”

“Real fuckin’ cruel t'bet such juicy gossip,” Caper huffs, looking quite a bit like he’s sulking.

Flatly, Raine responds, “I can always call Aster instead so he can give you the scoop himself. I'd love to watch you try to explain how you're trying to dig into his personal life.”

His smile is a technically-pleasant one that he learned from Daz.

Spark laughs nervously. “Hey now, there's no need for that–” “Or there's always asking Daz. Oh, wait– you did.”

Which had ended with Caper and Spark feeling guilty and learning nothing, because Daz wasn't interested in telling two notorious gossips why the fuck he and Aster were now awkwardly flirting at the Swords and Shields.

Usually it would be Daz here. He's a stickler for socializing, because he turns it into information gathering. 

But he had called out due to fatigue and, most likely, an attempt to avoid having to deal with the questions that he’d be badgered with. In a fit of boredom, Raine had opted to show up in his place.

Whereupon he learned that his two best friends are the hottest gossip in town.

Given what they've put him through over the years…he feels justified in dangling little morsels over this group's head.

Spark protests, “We weren’t trying to hurt his feelings!” “He can be touchy about certain things,” Raine shrugs. “It’s easy to forget, but my best friend is extremely traumatized. The wrong words at the wrong time send him into a tailspin.”

The fun part about that statement is that it’s entirely true.

He smiles at Jeste, who is still studying his cards. “C’mon, we don’t have all day.”

The guy sighs deeply and sets his cards down. “I fold. I try not to lose too much money here.”

“You play poker with Caper. Losing money is inevitable,” he answers.

Said Tommy makes a noise of offense. “The fuck does that mean?!” “You’re a ruthless capitalist. You’re literally in a capitalism groupchat. You’ve also had fuck only knows how long to hone misdirection and deception,” Raine scoffs.

Quizzy laughs. “He’s got you read for filth.” “Shut! I am not ruthless. I’m a fuckin’ bleeding-heart do-gooder.”

Spark pats his shoulder comfortingly.

Ah, there’s the Observer he could sense.

Because he’s got the most experience with questions, he answers first. “Sanctuary is my home. I’d be dead without it, and so would almost everyone I’ve become friends with. Anyone left alive would wish they were dead.”

Quizzy nods, the little ornaments on his jagged diamond horns swinging with the motion. “Things were bad in the SMPza. Atlas was trapped and his family wasn’t gonna leave him behind. I didn’t have a lot keeping me there besides him, so…following was an easy choice.”

Arms flung out, he exclaims, “And I love it here! Pranks are a part of life, I can get rich as heck, and there’s always something new.”

Jeste flexes the hand of his artificial arm. “SMPza was a hellscape by the end. I lost my arm to the Egg. The rest of me wouldn’t have been far behind. Even before then, though…it wasn’t a good place. I like it better here. It’s…fair. People are taken care of and treated with dignity. The jobs I get asked to do are less grim. Instead of trying to protect someone from a murder, I’m asked to stand guard while someone sets up a prank.”

The heads of the Prank Guild glance at each other. Caper speaks first. “Time loops were fuckin’ miserable. There were some good times, yeah, but it was…fuckin’ scores of years. Probably a few hundred, even. Nothing I could fuckin’ do but– flail uselessly. Try not to go fuckin’ crazier than I already was.”

“I don’t miss the Vault,” Spark says with uncharacteristic bluntness.

Caper leans against his side as his friend continues, “I don’t miss everything being erased. I don’t miss feeling alienated from everyone because I can’t– the person they knew the day before hadn’t been be for ten, fifty, a hundred years. It was hell.”

The two timeloopers seem somber for a moment, before Caper takes a deep breath. “But here? We’re fuckin’ free. We’ll age n’ die like we fuckin’ should. Our skills n’ shit– we can make people laugh n’ be entertained. We can get filthy fuckin’ rich n’ make friendships that won’t fuckin’ vanish.”

Impulsively, Raine reaches over and pats his hand. “And you have stupid amounts of power.”

“Gods, I love the fuckin’ power,” Caper agrees, grinning at him.

He flips his cards over. “Full house, by the way.”

Caper throws his cards down. “Fuck off!” “Yeah, I can’t beat that,” Quizzy groans, scowling at his own cards like they’ve betrayed him.

Spark grins and spreads his own cards. “Royal flush, stormboy.”

Extending his hand and making grabby motions, the Dream demands, “Fork over the info, I’m cashing it in right now.”

Because he’s not going to reneg on this, he answers, “Daz has been cooking most of Aster’s meals. They’ve gotten pretty close.”

“Holy fuckin’ shit. Are they– Raine. Raine. You’d fuckin’ tell us if they’re dating, right? Right?!”

He shrugs. “Probably! Assuming they put an actual label on it.”

The table is dead silent.

Slowly, Spark says, “They’re both kind of freaks of nature– in a positive way, I mean. But they’re weird, is my point.” Quizzy breathes, “We have no idea what dating would even look like for them. And Aster is so secretive…”

It looks like Caper has an epiphany. “They’re already fuckin’ dating n’ just not calling it that.”

Because he is, at heart, a troublemaker, Raine hums that little wedding tune under his breath as he shuffles the cards.

If his best friends want to get mad at him for this, well…

They can fuck off, frankly. He’s been in the middle of their unreasonable bickering for years, and besides that– they’ll get married and eventually have a goddamned kid.

It’s his turn to be petty and childish. He’s earned it.