#i got triggered today
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOSHIROOOOO 🙏🗣️🎂‼️ (6/13)
(additional incoherent doodles under cut)
#dungeon meshi fanart#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#laios touden#toshiro nakamoto#nakamoto toshiro#kabru#kabru of utaya#got artblock in the middle of this and had to listen to rap whilw drawing to get myself to finish it#i think marcille is there sorta begrudgingly. like sure its this guys bday i'll postpone my one-sided rivalry w him just for today#love that one trigger artist that drew toshiro n marcille playing w a walking mushroom plushie machine. shoutout to friendships forever#that cake was HAUNTING me in my sleep i deadass couldn't sleep til 4 am and had to finish it while commuting in the early morning#chilchuck tims#chilchuck#every old person has used old lunar ny cards for bdays. and honestly i respect the saving on cash grind#okonomiyaki trio
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vent/comfort art to keep myself present during ptsd flashing
#actually im not gonna queue im just gonna post it now yahoo eat well#no context to what triggered him bc i didnt want to try going into stuff like that today#maybe leo got a bit hurt/lost and raph was in a sensitive spot#u can make up uir own thing#im tireed im gonna go to bed#this is ok to reblog btw#sunset duo#big comfort... snff...#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#my art#nordidia art
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Babe wake up crotch matching icons of the OTP just dropped…? 😭
I WASN’T LYING. Sorry for the jumpscare man idk!!
Btw never noticed but it looks like he’s wearing her pants. The other guys’ waists weren’t his size I guess. Yay pants swapsies
#Sorry that this is the first thing I post after the anime ends. Oops#Marchil#Lotsa actual marchil crumbs this ep. Will i post about them today? Doubtful#Season 2 got announced season 1 is over maybe i’ll finally defeat my longass analysis on time#God they’re so funny. Ok Trigger
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There's only one person I truly hate with all my being
#and its some random bitch from the internet#fuck you jackal#talking about how I started hating him would require TRIGGER WARNINGS.#he almost made me fail my freshman ELA class because I had to spend all hour comforting my friends who he hurt#then all was forgiven because “he's a kid! he can change!” i never forgave him and he never truly changed#he tried to tell lies about me to my friends#and. for context. this was on discord#it was a community where I was one of the 3 pillars of it. and I'm close with the other 2.#me C and H were the people people wanted to be friends with. or wanted to *be*. we were the top 3 of everyone! and im not being conceded.#twas a small community#I was known for being skilled! but also. people thought I was kind. (some people thought I was bossy because I was kinda strict)#< (strict being I don't tolerate bullying or slurs at any capacity.#but so. when Jackal lied to H. H knew it was bullshit.#anyways Jackal stuck around somehow even tho everyone KNEW. The Jackal Situation was an ARC in that server.#anyways C made Jackal a mod over a year later bc la-de-da-de-da people can change~ and he wasn't a dick. for about 5 minutes.#he got fired today and i was fucking ECSTATIC#I hate him#he thinks hes hot shit. he's hot garbage is what he is#he's so tone deaf and abused power constantly#i never stepped in because I have such a strong hatred that i can never be fair to him again#im permanently against him. he'll never ever gain any respect from me.#he lied. he baited us. he made my friends spend so many sleepless nights crying. he tried to make them die by saying theyd go together.#i saw through it.#anyways I like to believe I have a good judge of character bc he always made me uneasy#he gifted me nitro and was polite before baiting us. but i was like. ehhhh. what's wrong w him?#anyways he's a pissed off bastard now#anyways heres some previous life drama hooray
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₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊
Sometimes life is harder than usual. Sometimes triggers hit you harder than you think they “should”, sometimes your emotions take control, sometimes thoughts of relapsing are stronger than others, some days are just too much.
♡ and that’s okay!! ♡
Having bad days doesn’t mean all of your progress is gone, it doesn’t mean all your work is for nothing, it doesn’t mean you’re going to be “like this” forever.
#positivity#jiraiblr#landmineblr#jiraiblogging#work was super triggering for my OCD today and also sick animals and just ah nightmare#and then my friend group started EXPLODING with drama when I got home abt one girl who just joined it#but they were really understanding when I asked them to take me out of the group chats so I can just chill for a little bit#and most of the friend group is starting to realize it was all a big misunderstanding so that’s good#and my bf is gunna come over and make sure that I’m okay (: so that’s also good#anyways yeah today was really hard for like a lot of reasons but it’s okay! hard days happen!#when it rains it pours#and all that
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ah, life sucks as a digital girl!
#lavendori art#described#2 posts today i got sick and started feeling generous#i guess#danganronpa#chihiro fujisaki#trigger happy havoc#alter ego#monokuma#danganronpa usami
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OKAY IM NOT MAD AT LEIGHTON ANYMORE BECAUSE I GOT WHITNEY SCENE
#so after the leighton scene i had to got o the damn alleyways cause apparently#they dont want coom stained girls walking out of the main entrance (assholes)#and because whitney's scenes are usually in the alleyways#i guess it triggered BHJERFBJBEJHF#WHICH I DO LOVE#i miss whitney#thank you for cheering up whitney i needed this bhERBJHFBHJERF#i say as i slowly lower the hatchet#today leighton lives another day#dol#dol related#degrees of lewdity#dol whitney#whitney the bully#dean rambles
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never in my life have i wanted a Daddy more than i do rn 😭
#personal#i'm going to ramble and drop it all in the tags#i'd like to have a pity party for myself thanks#the election?#fucked i've just been scrambling for a week now to prepare for the worst that feels like it's rapidly approaching#vaccines updated birth control bought out stockpile of food started passport appointments made tasers and protective gear purchased#banned books put on a wishlist#the holidays?#trying to make them enjoyable instead of so so so triggering#husband's new job?#barely home he's barely home i feel like a solo parent#i'm absolutely drowing at home mainly alone with two toddlers who have found their spirit and resilience and attitude...#the new house?#we've been fighting we are not vibing it's taking forever for me to feel in love with it#we do not get along rn lol#writing? personal time? self care? nonexistent i have no time alone during the day and then i spend the two hours i have to myself at night#fighting sleep and doing nothing#took a shower today and when i got out my eyelash line started burning and then my eyes were burning and then my nose was running and#then my eyes were watering and i could barely open them and goop started building and then they were SWOLLEN to the point where i could see#the muscles bulging and then i couldn't move them left or right#so i drove I DROVE myself to the urgent care#turns out my water has way too much chlorine in it and now that i've started taking hot as fuck and steamy showers it's just made me#susceptible to severe allergic reactions to chlorine?#it's been horrible my eyes are so sore now and they're just now not sopping in goop#and yeah#just...#i live the same day every day and i'm spiraling and drowning and about to go off the rails while also trying to SUCK THE JOY out of the las#month we have before democracy crumbles so#i just wish i had a Daddy to take care of me and tell me things are going to be okay 😭#preferably a Big Daddy that would let me sleep for days and would bring me food and let me hug and snuggle on him and not talk
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It’s been ages since an anime has sunk its teeth into me and shook me like dog with a chew toy but Dan Da Dan is pretty much all I can think about lately………..
#dan da dan#listen okay it’s weird and it’s freaky#but I am having such a good time#I really REALLY like the dynamic between momo and okarun#and science saru is my all time favorite anime studio#and the theme song is so good that I’ve had it on repeat for three days now#it is like the perfect storm and it caught me at a good time in my hyperfixation rotation#it’s an unexpected contender for Next Thing I Can’t Stop Thinking About#but I cannot complain#I saw the episode 2 dropped yesterday and squeaked but had to wait until today to watch#and it was very good#anyways mind the triggers but seriously I think it’s so good#it got me from EPISODE 1 yall like I watched the first episode and my brain filled with happy chemicals
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Me? Going to bed early? When I know it'll mess up my dash for tomorrow? Why yes, I'm very tired. So it was raining and cold wind today. Had to go into the regional hospital rather than just the local one for an appointment. It was so cold, I was very glad I bought a clearance beanie last week that I could wear under my raincoat.
We were out of the house for just over five hours, that's the longest we've left the cat alone since we got her. She has been jumpy all evening. I mean we had the electrician yesterday, and another one this morning (who gave us hot running water huzzah) when we don't often have visitors so she was probably on edge from that as well. She bounced around so many places, including the streets, in her first year of life so she's probably sensitive to possible abandonment. Extra snuggles are being administered.
#ramble ramble ramble#before bed thoughts#I need sleep#so early for me it is#friends who don't mind that I need trigger warnings#I love you#hopefully gonna have some playtime in cas tomorrow#I'm going to try keep track of what cc I use for each#I got some specific cc today#still need to look for a few more poses though#and more cc as ideas come to me
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Today was pet store day ✨️ visted a local pet store and Pet Supplies Plus and got Torch many goodies. Both stores had some nice sales, so I got the kibble, chews, and bones I wanted already, plus some bonus items
#been eyeing that leash and collar since i first went to the store and today they were on SALE so i finally pulled the trigger#im probs done buying food toys for a while; ive got a nice collection by now#unless i see one i particularly like im pretty set#he does enjoy them but im also lazy and hate cleaning them lol
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#I've known that I'm ace for half my life and it's affected A Lot of things#but I recently have been suspecting that I'm also on the aro spectrum? which makes sense but I'm not really ready to accept that#man I wish I could date and whatnot like everyone else#childhood friend got engaged today and I think that triggered something in me#triggered in the most unserious use of the word possible btw but yk#personal#nat talks
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Magenta 😥
#imposter syndrome is bad today#anyone have tips or words of encouragement?#i got triggered by the scores on the platform#im at a 96 which isn't bad that's actually pretty fucking good#i need to stay above 85% to keep my contract#but i checked to see what areas that dipped and one of them I'm kinda going wtf?#about maintaining boundaries#im really huge on that shit and always let people know if they get uncomfortable with a topic subject or need to change the convo#we absolutely can always do that#so im kinda sitting here going “Okay where can i improve? where is this coming from? were they having a bad day? did i say something off?”#i know too you can't appease everyone and there are some clients that just won't like you for whatever reason and will answer the surveys to#dip your scores cause of resentment#logically i know these are things#im struggling with not having closure cause if i am doing anything wrong i want to correct that and i want to be told what it is#cause i can't change unless im given some direction#my mentor encouraged me to be myself show up authentic and I've been doing that#seeing the dip is making me second guess everything#and i know i shouldn't be upset cause again im at a 96 fucking percent!#but man I'm just kicking my own ass#magenta#magenta is my vent word
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blocking tags my beloved 🥰
#I got a TikTok today for a fandom I find#✨triggering✨#(it was so random too like bro. I don’t go here anymore and never will again leave me alone with your niche TikTok’s)#so I blocked the user and then was like ‘girl why don’t you have the name of this fandom community blocked’#SO I BLOCKED IT#(I had a few more specific fandom words blocked already but I muted a bunch of more general ones)#and it felt so good#blocking is just protecting your peace it’s self care it’s protection against things that hurt you#and I tho k that’s beautiful#*think#lol#cadence rambles#personal#no hate to anyone in this community that will remain unnamed#I just simply choose to pretend they don’t exist for my peace of mind 🥰#blocking is also a huge sign of self control like? in June I would’ve spiraled but here in October I blocked and moved on😌#HERE WE ARE IN THE FUTURE AND ITS BRIIIIGHTTT
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I had the most emotionally draining day today.
#I had jury duty today and it was already an aggravating experience with all the waiting we had to do and not know if we were even going to-#have to go into one of the courtrooms#they put my group on an extremely triggering case and I had to go up and privately explain to the judge why I couldn’t be on the jury-#and I was incredibly anxious and started to shake and cry so she let me go#I’ve been crying on and off ever since I got back home earlier#it was fucking horrible I hate this stupid country
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Most romantic thing in the world to me actually would be if Spock went thru with kolinahr and everything went to plan and he was genuinely fine and comfortable with himself afterwards but he deeply regrets it still bc he realizes it wasn't logical to have gone through with it when he only did it to be accepted and there was nothing ever wrong with him, purging emotions isn't some superior state of being it's just a different mode of existence that is no more valuable than the former, and Jim's wellbeing is still very important to him as his t'hy'la bc mutual relationships are not the product of emotion they are a fundamentally important part of life whether u have feelings or not and Jim does have feelings and it was fucked up of him to damage them over his obsession with fitting in to Vulcan society, and a few weeks after he comes back he tells Jim he loves him softly while tryna calm him down from something and he's like no you fucking don't please dont say that to me it hurts more knowing you'd lie about it and Spock's like I'm not lying I do love you and Jim pulls himself up and looks him in the eyes like ok what does that mean and he goes I don't think it matters that I can't feel emotion anymore when I know what loving you felt like. It's in my core. If it can transcend life, actual material existence then why wouldn't it be able to transcend the emotion itself. Don't you think it's bigger than any of that. I love you because I know I do
#spirk#kolinahr#spock#just losing my mind today over the concept of kolinahr triggering an epiphane about how none of that shit matters how they got it all wrong#kolinahr making u more of a caring person#bc ur emotional problems were making it harder for u to see the bigger picture#and the bigger picture is that emotion was never the problem it was just trauma#its just generational trauma#it was just a little boy on the battlefield seeing horrors beyond comprehension#and deciding that the only way forward is to make emotion obselete#because its just too painful#because emotion makes us do terrible things and i have only ever seen terrible things#and yeah he became more eloquent in his manifesto and disguised his pain as something removed something machine something more than it was#but thats all it was#just a little kid begging for it all to stop#what if surak knew peace could be felt emotionally. that pain can exist alongside it#that u dont have to gouge it out#what then#essaycore
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