#i got top surgery and now NO one can stop me from turning into my fave chars every 3 months lets go

[karkats-longsleeves]

Once upon a time, I could control myself Once upon a time, I could lose myself..

[talkorsomething]

I have Got to get more transgender

[tortillamastersblog]

Back To You - Part 6 | Sam Carpenter

Pairing: Sam Carpenter x reader

Warnings: mentions of violence, death, blood, injuries, and swearing

Summary: When Sam left after turning eighteen, you were devastated. You’d been in love with her since you were kids and her leaving meant you never got to tell her how you truly felt.

Fast forward a couple of years, Tara gets attacked and Sam returns. . .

Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist

_______________________________________________

Getting the doctors to release me was a hell of a lot harder than I imagined. They tried to convince me to stay since I lost a lot of blood and underwent a serious surgery less than twenty four hours ago, but I was persistent and they finally handed me some discharge papers.

Now, discharge papers signed and my bag slung over my shoulder, I’m limping down the hall to Tara’s room where Sam and Richie are helping Tara get ready to leave as well.

The hospital offered me a wheelchair or some crutches, but I refused both. Tara’s going to be in a wheelchair and two of them would be just too much. Crouches would also only get in the way, and they wouldn’t be very useful anyway since I can’t use them properly because of the sling my left arm is in.

They did give me a brace for my knee though to stabilize it and make sure I don’t move too much while it heals.

“Y/N!” Tara’s eyes light up when I enter her room and Sam has to put a hand on her shoulder to stop her from getting out of her wheelchair to greet me.

I smile weakly and cross the room to take her hand when she reaches for me. “Hey, Sprout,” I say quietly, bending down slightly. “How are you feeling?”

“High,” she replies with a loopy smile before turning serious as her eyes roam over me. “You? You look like shit.”

I scoff playfully and grimace when it makes my side sting. “Been better, but I’ll be fine.”

She looks unconvinced, but squeezes my hand. “Okay.”

I squeeze back and press a kiss to the top of her head before letting go and straightening back up with a not so hidden wince. Sam is watching us with a wistful look and when our eyes meet she smiles a tiny bit.

She goes to say something, but just like so many times before, Richie interrupts her. It’s unknowingly because he has his back turned to us while he zips up Tara’s bag, but it’s an interruption nonetheless.

“Alright, that was everything. Let’s get out of here.” He turns and slings the bag over his shoulder, kindly offering to take my bag too.

“No, that’s okay,” I say, “Thank you.” I don’t like him and even after everything that’s happened, I don’t trust him. Apparently so much so, that I’d rather be in pain carrying my bag than give it to him.

“Okay then, let’s go,” Sam says. She makes sure Tara is comfortable and warm enough in her pink fur jacket before wheeling her out of the room while Tara holds onto the crutches the doctors gave her.

Richie follows them and I follow after him, glancing back once more to make sure nothing important was left behind.

When we get to the lobby, I’m not surprised to see Gale Weathers and Sidney Prescott sitting in one of the hospital’s waiting areas. Every time a new Ghostface shows up, the two of them show up as well.

They get up as soon as they see us and while Sidney steps up to Sam, Gale rushes over to me, pulling me into a hug.

The two of us were never as close as I was with Dewey, but before my parents died and she and Dewey separated, she was a fairly important person in my life.

“Thank God you’re okay,” she whispers shakily, clutching at my shirt.

“I’m sorry, Gale,” I say, hugging her back as best as I can with one arm. “About Dewey. . . I tried to go back, but—“

“I know.” She pulls back and briefly cups my face with her hands. “There’s nothing you could have done to save him.” Her eyes fill with tears, but she doesn’t cry.

I swallow thickly. “He saved us.”

She nods and smiles sadly. “That’s what he did— always saving people. . .”

I exhale shakily and nod as well. It’s true, Dewey always saved people whether it was from something, someone, or themselves. It’s a shame that, in the end, he couldn’t save himself.

“You’re Billy’s daughter.”

I tense and take a step away from Gale to stare at Sidney. She and Sam were just having their own little conversation and I wasn’t listening because I was focusing on Gale, but now I’m definitely listening.

Sam’s chest heaves and she blankly stares at Sidney for a moment before Richie speaks up.

“Uh. We’ll bring the car around,” he says, looking uncomfortable as his eyes dart back and forth between Sam and Sidney. Then he looks at me and Tara, expectantly, but I’m definitely not going to just leave Sam alone.

I also don’t want Tara to be alone with Richie, so I shake my head and grab the back of her wheelchair. “No, we’re not, but we’ll give you some space,” I say. I tilt my head to the side and motion for Richie to follow me when I push Tara towards one of the couches nearby.

It takes a lot of effort to move her because I only have one function arm and an injured leg, but I manage without asking for help.

He follows without complaining, but when his eyes meet mine after he stops watching Sam and Sidney, his face hardens.

“What was that?” he asks impatiently, throwing his hands up.

I lean against the arm of the couch while keeping my hand on the back of Tara’s wheelchair. “What was what?” I shoot back.

“Why did you humiliate me like that in front of Sam?” he hisses which makes me scoff.

“Humiliate you?” I shift to take some more weight off my injured leg. “I didn’t humiliate you. I just didn’t want Sam to be alone with those two.” I gesture at Sidney and Gale. “Besides, we’re not taking her car. We’re taking mine and I’m not letting you drive.”

Sam and I agreed it would be better if we took my car earlier when we talked about leaving. It’s an old Bronco that my mom and I restored when I was younger and it’s way bigger than Sam’s Prius which makes it easier for Tara and me to sit comfortably with our injured legs.

“Why not? I can drive,” he defends and I’m quick to shake my head again.

“I’m sure you can, but I don’t want you to. No one gets to drive my car except me.”

Richie crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow, looking me up and down with a snarl. “Oh yeah, and how are you planning on doing that.”

Shit. I didn’t think that far ahead. He’s right, I can’t drive in the state I’m in. I need both legs and hands for the clutch and the gear shift.

Before I can think of a retort though, Tara pipes up, her voice even as her eyes cautiously dart back and forth between Richie and me. “Maybe Sam could drive?”

I feel myself soften and look at her. She’s got a point.

“I mean, you did teach her how to drive when you were younger, right?” she asks and I nod.

As soon as my mom and I finished restoring the car, I forced Sam to learn how to drive it. We were both sixteen at the time and she complained at first since she thought it was unnecessary because she never planned on owning a manual car, but once she got the hang of it she actually enjoyed it and we’d sometimes just drive around the city at night, listening to music.

“Yeah.” I sigh. I really don’t have a different choice here. Either Sam drives, or Richie, and between the two of them, Sam’s the obvious choice.

“Good. It’s settled then,” Tara decides.

Richie glares daggers at me and I glare right back, but neither of us objects and a moment later, Sam comes over with tense shoulders and furrowed eyebrows.

“We’re leaving,” she states, oblivious to the tension between Richie and me. “Come on.”

She moves to grab the handles of Tara’s wheelchair, but I stop her, pushing myself off the couch to tug on the sleeve of her green jacket.

“Wait.”

She stops and looks at me expectantly. “What?”

Tara and Richie watch us curiously and when I catch the way the muscle in Richie’s jaw twitches, I pull her aside and bend down so only she can hear me.

“I think we should leave without Richie,” I say lowly, ignoring the way Sam’s breathing hitches when my nose brushes against her temple.

“What? Why?” She pulls back abruptly but keeps her voice low so the others don’t hear us.

“I don’t know, I just have a weird feeling about him,” I say honestly.

Sam stares at me, bewildered, and hisses, “What are you talking about? He’s been nothing but helpful and may I remind you that he almost got killed saving you and Tara?”

Impatience washed over me, but I do my best not to let it show. “Yeah, but that’s just it,” I say urgently. “Ghostface had the chance to kill him twice, but he didn’t!”

The first time was right after I punched Richie when he came into the room Tara and I were hiding in. Ghostface could have done so much more than just cut his arm, but for some reason he didn’t. And then the second time when Ghostface attacked Dewey. . . Richie was on the ground, helpless, but for some reason, all Ghostface did was go after Dewey.

Sam’s bewilderment turns into anger and she takes a step back to put more distance between us. “Are you kidding me? That’s your reasoning? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?“

“I do! But something seems off and—“

“No.” Sam lifts her hand, effectively cutting me off.“We’re not arguing about this. Richie’s coming with us and that’s final.”

“No, it’s not, and no, he isn’t!” I argue, no longer caring about keeping my voice down. “I promised Tara I’d keep her safe, and I don’t trust him, so he’s not coming.”

I can tell Sam is about ready to explode, but instead of snapping, she takes a steadying breath and calmly says, “Tara is my sister, Y/N, not yours, so what I say goes. Richie is coming with us and if you have a problem with that, you can just stay here.”

I actually flinch at that and recoil as though she just slapped me. She might as well have with how much her words hurt. “I. . . Wow. That’s— That was a low blow.”

Tara’s been the only person I think of as family ever since my parents died and the implication that I’m nothing to her makes me physically weak.

Sam falters slightly, and a hint of regret flickers across her face, but she’s quick to square her shoulders and stand her ground. “Well, it’s true, so it’s up to you. Come with us, or stay. Either way, we’re leaving now.”

I debate it for a moment, hating how she’s backed me into a corner, but then I feel Tara’s eyes on me, and sigh. “Fine. Let’s go.”

I promised her I’d stay and make sure she’s safe until all of this is over, so I guess I’ll just have to deal with Richie for a little while longer.

I take my car keys and shove them into Sam’s hands before limping past her.

“Is everything okay?” Tara asks, tugging on my shirt as soon as I’m within reach and I nod, trying my best to ignore the smug smile on Richie’s face.

“Everything’s fine. Let’s just go.” I pat her head playfully and readjust the strap of my bag on my shoulder. Then, I turn on the spot and lead the way outside to my car in the parking lot.

We’ve been on the road for only ten minutes at this point, but I’m already fed up with the whole situation. Not only because of Richie’s presence and the lingering tension between Sam and me, but also because I don’t like that we’re going to Modesto. Ghostface is just going to keep on coming after us, but we literally have nowhere else to go.

“You good back there?” Sam asks after a while when Tara pushes off my shoulder and starts rummaging through her bag.

Tara shakes her head, now searching frantically for whatever it is she’s looking for. “Fuck, where is it?”

I frown and put a hand on her arm. “Where’s what?”

Sam watches us through the rear view mirror and Richie turns in the passenger seat.

“My inhaler,” Tara gasps, her breathing shallow. “You brought it to the hospital and I— I had it just before we left. I must have forgotten it.”

My frown deepens. I double checked her room before we left, and I didn’t see her inhaler, so she can’t have forgotten it.

“Should we go back?” Sam asks but before Tara can answer, Richie beats her to it.

“Woah, okay. I vote for not going back to the murder hospital.”

Okay that’s it. I can’t take it anymore. Even though I agree with him, I’ve had enough of his attitude.

“Nobody asked you!” I snap which makes Sam’s eyes snap to me in the mirror.

“Y/N!”

“What?!” I fire back.

Richie scowls and I just know things are about to get ugly again, but then Tara gasps for air and I immediately redirect my attention, asking, “Do you want to stop at a pharmacy?”

This isn’t the time to argue, Y/N!

Tara shakes her head and continues going through her bag. “I need a prescription, but I left an extra one at Amber’s. Her house is on the way.”

I nod and rub my hand up and down her back. “Okay then. We’ll stop and—“

“No, no. No, no, no!” Richie protests and I have half a mind to strangle him from behind with the strap of my bag.

Honestly, how can Sam like this guy?!

“I’d be in and out,” Tara pleads, her chest heaving as she takes labored breaths.

Sam glances at us through the rearview mirror, worry written all over her face as she asks, “You think you could hold out ‘til Modesto?”

Tara grabs my hand and squeezes it to calm herself down. “I don’t think so.”

Sam looks back at the road, and for a moment the sound of the engine is the only thing breaking the silence that settles over us. “Okay. . .” She nods and takes a deep breath. “Okay, what’s the address?”

“123 No-Fucking-Way-Lane,” Richie says before Tara can answer and even though I just reminded myself this isn’t the time to argue, I can’t help but snap at him again.

“Oh my fucking God. Tara needs her inhaler and we’re going to get it, so will you just shut it for once?!”

Richie’s eyes widen and he looks at Sam, probably waiting for her to scold me agin, but this time, she actually agrees with me which makes him protest weakly.

It does nothing to change her mind though and before long we’re pulling up outside Amber’s house where a party is in full swing.

“Oh perfect.” Richie groans. “She’s having a party. Who has a party in the middle of a killing spree?”

I grit my teeth, getting irritated by just the sound of his voice even though I agree with him.

“Look,” he continues. “We should leave. It’s too risky.”

Tara looks at me, worried, but Sam is quick to shut him down before I even get the chance to open my mouth. “No, no, we’re already here. I’ll go in quickly and get it. I’ll be back in five.”

She takes the keys out of the ignition and gets out of the car, only to stop a second later when Tara unbuckles her seatbelt and shouts, “Wait, I’m coming too.”

Wherever she goes, I go, so even though I’m in no mood to walk into that party, I unbuckle myself too and say, “Me too, hold on. I’ll help you out of the car.”

Richie mumbles something about not staying out here alone as he gets out of the car as well, but I don’t pay him much attention as I help Tara with her crutches.

Sam is quick to help as well and before long we all make our way inside the house.

The smell of alcohol is almost overwhelming and the noise level is through the roof, but I know we won’t be here for long, so I’ll just deal with it.

“Tara!” A bunch of people cheer when they spot us which makes Tara shrink in on herself. She looks so small and scared, clinging to her crutches, so I place a reassuring hand on her back and smile comfortingly when she glances up at me.

I’m here, I mouth, and when I look up I’m not surprised to find Sam once again watching us with a wistful look.

I kind of feel bad for her because even though she’s back, Tara turns to me for comfort, but I guess it just goes to show that she is like my sister too even though we’re not actually related.

“Hey! What are you doing out of the hospital?” I turn my head at Amber’s familiar voice and step back so she can hug Tara. She looks her up and down with furrow eyebrows and asks what we’re doing here, so Tara tells her about needing her spare inhaler.

That makes her furrow her eyebrows even more and she asks why she needs it and when Tara tells her we’re leaving town, she asks where we’re going.

“Doesn’t matter,” I say before Tara can tell her. The less people the better.

Amber looks at me with an unreadable expression for a split second before giving in with a sympathetic smile. “Okay. No, it’s fine. Don’t tell me. I get it.” She turns back to Tara and brushes a strand of hair off her forehead. “Just be safe, okay?”

Tara melts under the touch and I’m pretty sure I see her cheeks turn pink for a second, but there’s no time to dwell on that now.

When all this is over I’m going to tease the shit out of her though.

Who knew? Tara and Amber. . .

“I think it’s in my room,” Amber says softly before turning and addressing the crowd over the loud music. “Alright everyone, thanks for coming, but the party’s over!

A chorus of complaints erupts and Amber shouts, “Time to go!” But the crows still doesn’t listen.

Sam’s eyes meet mine and I just shrug, so she turns to Richie and mouths something.

He lifts an eyebrow for a second, clearly not understanding what she wants, but then it clicks and he springs into action. He turns on all the lights and asks for the music to be turned off before awkwardly addressing the crowd, telling them to leave.

Like Amber’s though, his efforts to clear out the house aren’t well received and I can’t help but smirk when one guy throws a solo cup at his head, saying “Fuck you.”

“Okay, I’ve tried to be nice.” He’s mad now and I can see a vein pulsing in his forehead when he sees the amusement on my face. “Get the fuck out!”

Reluctantly, people start filing out, throwing dirty looks Richie’s way until, eventually, everyone’s gone.

It’s a relief and I feel like I can breathe properly again, moving further into the house and taking in the decorations and pictures on the walls while Tara and Amber wander off to get Tara’s inhaler.

Sam stays with me, typing something on her phone while Richie goes to the living room, making sure everyone did in fact leave.

Minutes go by and the longer we stay, the more antsy I get. I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all. We should be on the road again. Every second we stay here gives Ghostface a chance to catch up with us if he isn’t already here, that is.

I glance at Sam and she seems to think the same thing because she keeps checking the time on her phone while chewing on her bottom lip.

It’s something she’s always done and I have the urge to reach over and tug her lip free, but I don’t, mentally cursing myself for even thinking about it.

She’s not mine. I have no right. She’s with Richie and we haven’t seen each other in five years.

Back when we were younger, I wouldn’t even have hesitated, but things have changed, we have changed, and I can’t just do stuff like that anymore.

Feeling my eyes on her, Sam looks up and I’m quick to look away, clearing my throat softly.

How does she still have this hold over me?

“What could possibly be taking so long?” I ask in an attempt to distract from being caught staring.

“I don’t know,” she whispers and when I dare to meet her eyes again, I’m surprised to find her already looking at me with an unreadable expression. “But I don’t like it.”

We stare at each other for a moment, so many unspoken words and feelings between us until she looks away, scratching her neck. She checks the time on her phone again and sighs.

“We should go,” she says and I agree, following her back into the foyer where she shouts up the stairs. “Tara, we’re leaving!”

There’s no reply and I feel worry creeping into the pit of my stomach, but before either of us gets to call out again, Sam’s phone rings.

I watch her look at the screen with pursed lips and move a little closer to see that it says Maybe: Sidney Prescott under Unknown Caller.

We share a worried look and I gesture for her to answer it which, after a moment of hesitation, she does. “Hello?”

I can’t make out what the other person is saying, so I step even closer.

“How do you know where I am?” Sam asks when the person on the other end of the line, a woman, probably Sidney, tells us to get out of the house.

Her question though never gets answered because Sidney just tells her to get out of the house again because as it turns out, we’re in Stu Macher’s old house.

I don’t know much about the Stab movies, but I’m familiar with the original story and I know Stu Macher was one of the original Ghostface killers.

My stomach drops and I suddenly feel sick, my eyes meeting Sam’s who is just as horrified as I am.

This is a trap. . .

Not even a second later there’s a sharp thud and a scream and when I realize it’s Mindy, my blood runs cold.

I don’t think when I spring into action. I just run toward the living room where the scream came from as fast as I can.

A burning pain shoots up and down the back of my leg, but I push through it, panting and limping.

Mindy. Just get to Mindy! Ghostface is here.

Sam is hot on my heels and when we reach the living room, the sight that greets us makes my heart drop.

Ghostface is standing over Mindy, trying to stab her, but Mindy’s got her hands on his wrists, keeping the knife away from her.

She’s covered in blood and trembling, having been stabbed in the shoulder where I was stabbed too, and with every passing second, her strength seems to be dwindling.

We have to do something!

My eyes get caught on the lamp on the dresser right next to us, and I nudge Sam before pushing it toward her.

I can’t pick it up and throw it with just one hand, and there isn’t enough time for me to get the sling off, so she’ll have to do it.

She instantly knows what I’m want and picks it up, hurling it at Ghostface’s back without second thought.

The ceramic bottom part of the lamp explodes upon impact with Ghostface’s back and I just know getting hit by it hurts.

Good. He deserves everything that’s coming for him.

Ghostface almost topples over, but he catches himself just in time before spinning around with his knife still in hand.

Fuck. He’s going to come for us now.

I didn’t think this far ahead when I thought of throwing the lamp.

My heartbeat pounds in my ears and when Ghostface takes a step in our direction, I’m quick to grab anything within reach that could be used as a weapon which turns out to be a metal candlestick.

Sam tries to take it from me, probably thinking she’s better suited to fight than me, but I tighten my grip on it and shrug her off, stepping in front of her.

If Ghostface wants to get to her, he’ll have to go through me first.

I grit my teeth, feeling my hands shake, ready to strike, but not even a second later, Ghostface just bails, running out of the room into an adjacent hallway.

What the—?

I share a bewildered look with Sam, but then Mindy gasps and Sam rushes to her side.

I follow her, but keep my eyes on the hallway Ghostface vanished into in case he comes back.

“Mindy? No, Mindy, stay with me,” Sam pleads, pushing her hands down on Mindy’s shoulder where she was stabbed.

There’s a lot of blood and the smell of it makes me queasy. I never liked the sight or smell of blood, but my discomfort with it never went so far that I passed out because of it.

Sam desperately looks at me for help, but then Amber’s scream cuts through the air and we both whip our heads around to find her standing in the doorway with Tara.

“What did you do to her?” she screams and rushes over.

“God, Mindy.” Tara follows with shock written all over her face and when it registeres what Amber just said I can’t help but defend Sam

“It wasn’t her!”

“The killer— He—“ Sam stutters, but she’s cut off by the sound of a glass bottle shattering on the floor.

I spin around with the candlestick raised in hand, instinctively moving in front of both Tara and Sam, only to lower it a second later when I realize it’s just Richie.

“What the fuck?” he mutters in shock, his eyes glued to Mindy.

“Richie, where the fuck were you?” Sam exclaims, her blood covered hands shaking.

“I just went into the basement to get some beer,” he rambles and I stare at him in disbelief while my instincts scream at me not to trust a single word he’s saying.

I don’t voice my doubt though because Amber beats me to it. She’s got a hand on Tara’s shoulder and looks at him with a mixture of disbelief and disgust. “You went to the basement alone?”

Richie raises his shoulders and gestures at Mindy, stammering, “I asked her to come with me! She said no!”

For a moment, a tense silence settles over us, but then a door nearby slams open, startling everyone.

Yet again, I raise the candlestick, ready to fight, but it turns out to be just Liv, Chad’s girlfriend. She stumbles into the room, pale and wide eyed.

Amber immediately raises her hands to keep her at bay and says, “Stay the fuck back.”

But Liv is so out of it, she doesn’t even react to it. She just cries and whimpers, “Jesus Christ. . .”

“I was with Tara, but the rest of you were wandering around,” Amber says, breathing heavily and pointing a finger at all of us while Tara just stands next to her, wide-eyed. “One of you is the fucking killer!”

Liv continues crying, her voice breaking when she says, “Fuck you, Amber. Fuck you!”

“Why is there blood on your hands?” Sam asks which makes everyone look at Liv’s hands.

Her hands are covered in blood, but Liv seems not to have known until Sam just pointed it out because she stares at her hands as well, letting out a sob when she sees the blood.

“I found Chad— I found Chad and he’s outside—“ she stammers, her voice faltering.

I have to admit, I don’t know her all that well, but my gut is telling me she’s telling the truth. No matter how psychotic you are, you can’t fake this kind of distress.

“Chad?” I cut her off, confused and worried, but before I can ask anything else Amber says, “You’re fucking lying.”

“No.” Liv whimpers, but Richie doubles down on Amber’s statement.

“You’re the killer.”

No she’s not.

“No, I’m not,” Liv cries, getting into a screaming match with Amber who keeps telling her to just stop lying.

“Fuck you, Amber! I’m not the fucking killer!” Liv says through gritted teeth and I have to admit that Amber’s insistence is setting off alarm bells in my head.

When she actually agrees with Liv a moment later though, pulling out a gun and shooting her in the head in cold blood, I’m as shocked as everyone else.

I drop the candlestick and let out a strangled cry as Liv sags to the floor with blood streaming down her face.

A hand grabs mine from behind, but I have no time to turn around and see who it is when Amber suddenly turns and points the gun at Richie who’s standing right next to me.

“Welcome to act three,” she says with a sinister smile and Richie shouts, “Run!” just as she fires the gun, missing him by a couple of inches because Tara pushes her arm up from behind.

The gun gets fired again and the hand holding mine lets go, and when I look over my shoulder I realize that it was Sam’s. Despite her protests, she gets pulled out of the room by Richie and I quickly turn back around, tackling Amber to the ground just as she aims the gun at Tara.

“No!”

Not Tara. Not after everything.

We struggle on the ground and even though I normally would have had an advantage over her because I’m taller and stronger, Amber quickly gains the upper hand by punching me in the side right where I was stabbed.

If it wasn’t clear before that she’s Ghostface, it definitely is now because how else would she know about that weak spot.

I yelp and fall off her, and the last thing I see before she slams the butt of the gun into my face is Tara’s tear-streaked face.

I groan when I regain consciousness, and I immediately look around frantically, not knowing how much time has passed since I was knocked out.

Why am I not dead?

My entire face hurts and I’m pretty sure my nose is broken, but other than that, I’m fine. Well, I am still injured from the previous attacks, but I don’t have any new injuries besides the broken nose.

I’m still in the living room and when I look down I see that my sling has been removed and that both my hands and feet have been tied up with duct tape.

Shit.

Where’s Tara? Where’s Sam?

Adrenaline surges through me and I feel panic growing in my chest, but then my dad’s voice in the back of my mind reminds me to stay calm.

Panicking won’t do anyone any good. I need a plan. . .

First, I have to free myself. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment, thinking.

It’s eerily quiet and it’s hard to focus, but then my eyes fly open and I spot the shards of the lamp Sam threw at Ghostface.

I drag myself across the floor, wincing in pain until I get to them. I pick one up and quickly saw at the duct tape around my ankles until they’re free.

Then I use my feet to hold the shard in place before getting to work on my hands.

It’s a little more difficult to free them because the shard keeps slipping out from between my feet, but I manage to free myself eventually just as a gunshot rings out somewhere in the house.

It’s followed by unintelligible shouting and I pull myself to my feet.

I have to help. Sam. . . Tara . . .

I don’t even consider the possibility that something could have happened to either of them while I was out because they just can’t be hurt, or worse, dead. They just can’t be!

I limp to the foyer where the shouting is coming from and press a hand against my stinging side. “Fuck you, Amber,” I growl underneath my breath, freezing a moment later at the sight that greets me when I get to the front door.

Ghostface, who I now know is Amber, and Sidney Prescott are lying on the floor, winded and clambering to get to a gun on the floor while Richie is limping down the stairs.

“Richie!” Sidney groans. “Gun. Get the gun!”

“Yeah, kind of hard since you shot me in the leg,” he bickers, one hand gripping the banister while the other is clutching at his thigh.

Tara and Sam are nowhere to be seen and I’m about to make a run for the gun, but then Richie stumbles slightly and my eyes get drawn to something that slips out of his pocket.

It’s small, and orange, and clatters on the wooden stairs.

Tara’s inhaler.

No. . . I knew she didn’t leave it behind. . .

Richie took it!

He’s in on everything.

He planned this.

He wanted us to come here.

He and Amber are working together!

There are two Ghostfaces. . .

I don’t know how I didn’t realize it sooner.

The Ghostface that attacked Mindy was taller than the one in the hospital and at the Carpenter’s because of course, Richie is taller than Amber and they’ve been taking turns wearing the mask to divert suspicion.

But why?!

A blur of brown hair makes my head snap to the side and when my eyes land on Sam at the bottom of the stairs, picking up the gun, my heart skips a beat.

“Yes! Yes!” Richie shouts, pretending to be glad she got the gun before Ghostface.

Sam has no idea. He’s almost down the stairs. He’s going to get to her.

“Shoot him!” Sidney groans but Sam hesitates. She reaches out for Richie to pull him behind her when he finally makes it to the bottom of the stairs.

“No, Sam! Look out!” I yell, rushing forward, but I’m too late.

Richie stabs her in the side while she’s focused on me and when I stumble forward to help her, Richie just kicks against the side of my injured leg, making me cry out in pain and fall against the wall while he drives the knife further into Sam’s stomach and takes the gun from her.

Wide-eyed, Sam looks at Richie and the betrayal and heartbreak on her face makes me physically sick. I try to push off the wall to help her, but my leg gives out underneath me and I slam back against it.

“Thank God you’re okay,” Richie says, a disgustingly smug smile pulling at his lips, “Because I really wanted to be the one to kill you.”

I push off the wall again, rage cursing through me at the pained whimper that leaves Sam, and this time, I manage to stay on my feet. I don’t get far though because Richie points the gun at both me and Sidney who’s just starting to get off the floor. “Sit the fuck down, Prescott! And you”— his manic eyes land on me—“stay back, or I’ll shoot you right now! You’ve been a pain in my ass ever since I met you. It’s a shame Amber hasn’t managed to kill you yet, but don’t worry, you’re time will come.”

I clench my jaw and shake with fury when all I can do is watch helplessly as he twists the knife in Sam’s stomach, making her scream in pain.

“Stop! You sick fuck! What the fuck is wrong with you!” I shout.

Sam sinks to her knees, and Richie goes down with her, completely ignoring me as he hands the gun over to Amber who just took off the Ghostface mask.

The pained grimace on Sam’s face makes me want to do something, anything to help her, but I can’t. If I move, Amber will shoot me and I’m of no help when I’m dead.

“I can’t believe this worked,” Richie says reaching for something in his pocket, probably the inhaler. He frowns when he realizes it’s not there but Sam’s already spotted it on the stairs, knowing exactly what he’s trying to get at.

She’s shaking in pain and disbelief and Richie just tilts his head and smiles, feigning sympathy. “I know. It’s a bummer it’s me”—he reaches for his pocket again and pulls out a little gray device, a voice changer, I realize as he holds it up to his mouth —“But it really was the best choice for the movie.”

A movie?! What the fuck? This is why they’re doing this?

He chuckles gleefully, the voice changer distorting his voice eerily.

No. . . All this pain, all this fear and suffering. . . For a lousy movie?

I didn’t like him before, maybe because I was jealous, maybe because my gut was telling me something was off about him, or maybe both, who knows, but now I straight up hate him.

How could he do this? How could they do this?

Sam trusted Richie as much as Tara trusted Amber, and they just went behind their backs like it was nothing.

“This isn’t a fucking movie!” Sam exclaims angrily, getting over the initial shock of the betrayal and voicing my exact thoughts.

Richie just smiles that stupid smile of his again and shakes his head. “No. . . But it will be. That’s the point, right, Amber?”

I scowl and my nose scrunches when Amber says, “Right, hon!”

Ew. They’re fucking? And I though this couldn’t get any worse.

“Third act bloodbath, check. Killer’s revealed, check. Time for the big finale!” Amber shouts, grabbing Sidney by the hair and shaking her head.

She’s currently not focused on me, so I try to step into the shadows to call the police, but she notices before I get the chance and points the gun at me. “Stop. You’re not going anywhere. One more step and I’ll blow your brains out.”

I freeze and lift my shaking hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. . .”

My entire body hurts and I can barely stand on my injured leg since Richie kicked against it. My nose has stopped bleeding, but my lips and chin are sticky with half dried blood, and my side and shoulder ache dully.

If we get out of this alive, I just know the recovery from all these injuries is going to be long and painful.

Sam looks at me for a moment, her eyes full of fear and guilt and regret, but then Richie puts a hand on her cheek and turns her head back so she’s once again looking at him.

He chuckles softly and when she desperately whispers, “Richie. . .” he just shakes his head and shushes her before pulling the knife back out of her stomach.

Sam groans, doubling over in pain and Richie cradles her head against his shoulder.

No! That’s going to kill her. Everyone knows that your best chances of survival after getting stabbed are to leave the knife in because it stops the bleeding.

Now all I can hope for is that he didn’t hit anything vital, or she’ll be dead in a matter of minutes.

“Let’s get ‘em into the kitchen. Let’s go, bitch!” Amber says, pulling Sidney to her feet by her hair. “And you”— she points the gun at me again and gestures for me to walk in front of her—“get a move on!”

I nod and swallow thickly, biting down on the inside of my cheek to suppress a whimper when I put weight on my injured leg.

That bitch. I hate her. I absolutely hate her, and I don’t even want to think about what she did to Tara.

She’s still nowhere to be seen, neither is Mindy, or Chad, and chances are they’re all already dead.

I promised I’d protect her. . .

Tears prick my eyes at the thought of her, but I quickly blink them away since the last thing I want is for Amber and Richie to mock me about it.

I limp into the kitchen, closely followed by Amber, Sidney, Sam and Richie.

“Someone has to save the franchise,” Richie laments as Amber pushes Sidney against the counter next to me. “You see, no one has made a great Stab movie since the first one. Not really.”

He snarls and shoves Sam, making her stumble and cry out in pain. Before she can crash into the counted though, my arm shoots out and I catch her, pulling her against me.

She shudders and winces, but sags back against me. Her hand moves to the stab wound on her stomach and I curl my arm around her from behind to place my own hand over hers, applying pressure.

She’s sweating and her skin is cold to the touch, all signs of blood loss, and I pull her closer, fearing that this will be the last time I’ll ever get to hold her like this.

“Hey, baby, you want to go get the very ex-Mrs. Riley?” Richie asks Amber, raising the knife to keep Sam and me in check.

Ah, so Gale is here as well. Great. I try not to think about it and focus on keeping pressure on Sam’s stomach.

“Yeah, I do,” Amber says gleefully. She hands Richie the gun and leaves the kitchen.

Sidney uses the momentary distraction to lunge for the knife block, but Richie is quick to react.

“Hey, hey! Whoa.” He raises the knife at her and forces her back with a wicked chuckle. “Sidney Prescott. . . You know, I’m a really big fan.”

I scowl at that and tighten my grip on Sam. What a fucking psycho.

“Go fuck yourself.” Sidney seethes and when she and Richie get into a fight about the Stab franchise, Sam leans her head back agains my shoulder and whispers, “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry. You were right about him. I should have trusted you.”

I shake my head and lean down to whisper in her ear. “Don’t say that now. Save it for later.”

Sam trembles and grabs onto my forearm with her free hand. “No, I need you to know. I’m sorry. For everything.” She gasps when I accidentally apply too much pressure on her stomach. “You’ve always been there for me a-and after I left, you were there for Tara and I don’t— I don’t know how to ever thank you for that. For any of it. . .”

I can feel tears pricking at my eyes but this time I don’t force them away. The reality of the situation we’re in is starting to sink in and I know now that we’re probably going to die here tonight.

I thought we’d have more time to patch things up and make things right, but it turns out, we don’t.

Sam’s made mistakes. A lot of them, and huge ones at that, but here she is now, in what seems to be one of our final moments, apologizing for everything she’s done wrong instead of pleading for her life.

I thought I needed time and space to forgive her for what she did, but not right now. We’re about to die, and I can’t just let it happen with her thinking I’m still mad at her.

I would be if I knew there was a way we’d be getting out of this, but being on the brink of death has changed my perspective.

“You don’t have to thank me,” I whisper, closing my eyes and pressing my forehead against her temple. “It’s okay. . . We’re okay.”

She whimpers quietly and her grip on my forearm tightens. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“It’s okay,” I say again and just then, Amber returns with Gale.

She forces her onto a chair and when Gale moves her hand on her stomach I see she’s been shot.

When the fuck did that happen?!

Richie hands Amber the knife and walks over to Sam and me with the gun in his hand, a satisfied smile on his face.

Sam lifts her head off my shoulder and stands up a little straighter to glare at him without letting go of my forearm.

“You did all this just to make me the hero of your fucked-up movie?” she asks, venom lacing her voice.

Richie shakes his head and chuckles in disbelief. “Sweetie, you’re not the hero.” He steps even closed and uses the barrel of the gun to lift her chin a little higher. “You’re the villain.“

I want to yank that gun out of his hand and bash his head against the counter, but I’m hurt, standing behind Sam, and I can’t risk him shooting her, so I stay still.

How dare he talk to her like that? How dare he call her sweetie? Sick fuck.

His face turns serious and he continues, tilting his head ever so slightly. “You’re the daughter of Billy Loomis who sees fucked-up visions of her dead dad. Sidney Prescott killed your father. You did all this just to get her back to Woodsboro.”

That’s it. I can’t take it anymore. We’re going to die anyway.

“Shut the fuck up,” I snarl which makes him raise his eyebrows in mild amusement. Sam’s fingers dig into my forearm, trying to get me to stay quiet and stay where I am, but I pull my arm back and slowly step in front of her.

Richie entertains my boldness by taking a step back to grant me some room. The gun is now pointing at my chest and I can feel Sam’s fingers curl around the back of my shirt.

“You know,” Richie says, kissing his teeth, “I saw this coming from a mile away.”

“What?” I ask lowly, aware of all the eyes on us.

“This!” He waves the gun at me and Sam who’s peeking out from behind me. “I mean, the way you look at her. . . ” He laughs mirthlessly and I feel my cheeks heat up.

There’s obviously nothing going on between me and Sam but he’s managed to see right through me.

“Shut. Up.” I hiss through gritted teeth, but it just makes him laugh for real this time.

“There it is again. That’s what I’m talking about.” He jabs me in the chest with the barrel of the gun. “So pathetic. . . I mean, just— Why? She’s a psycho! Her dad’s a literal serial killer. Is that, like, something you’re into, or—“

He doesn’t finish because I spit in his face, baring my teeth while Sam sucks in a breath behind my.

For a moment, everything is still. Nobody moves or says anything, but then Richie slowly raises his free hand and uses his sleeve to wipe the spit off his cheek.

“Oh, I’m going to enjoy gutting you, that’s for sure,” he says, sounding dangerously calm. “And I’m going to make Sam watch.”

Before I can retort anything, he grabs the back of my neck and knees me in the stomach, making me double over, coughing.

“Y/N.” Sam snakes her arm around me from behind and pulls me back so I’m standing next to her against the counter. Her brown eyes are filled with worry even though she’s in pain herself and I’m quick to nod my head weakly, silently telling her I’m okay.

I have no idea how she feels about what Richie just revealed, but now’s not the time to address it.

“Enough chit chat!” Amber cuts in and I look back up, once again pressing my hand against Sam’s stomach.

“You know what the biggest problem with the Stab movie is?” Amber asks, tapping her knife against Sidney’s chest. “There’s no Michael Myers or Jason Vorhees. No bad guy to keep coming back. But the illegitimate daughter of the original mastermind?” She scoffs with a smile on her face. “Now that’s a fucking villain.”

I can’t believe this. They’re trying to make Sam the bad guy.

Sam exhales shakily and looks at Richie with confusion and betrayal written all over her face. “How did you know?” she asks weakly, but it’s Amber who answers her, not Richie.

“Oh, about your father?” she asks sarcastically. “ I mean, it’s a small town, and your mom’s a drunk!”

I curl my free hand into a fist, but still don’t move or say anything.

“I met Richie on the Stab subreddit,” Amber goes on while Richie alternates between pointing the gun at me and Sam. “I’ve been obsessed ever since my parents bought this house. . . We realized pretty quickly we had similar ideas.”

Richie nods and tilts his head mockingly at Sam. “It wasn’t that hard for me for find you in Modesto,” he says, glancing at me for a second before adding, “It wasn’t that hard for me to fuck you, either, but I guess a sexually available woman is supposed to be empowering these days.”

Oh, how I want to cut off that motherfucker’s dick. . . I’m shaking with restraint because I can’t do anything unless I want to get kneed in the gut again, or worse, get shot.

“Fuck you!” Sam fires back, jutting her chin out and the anger with which she says it fills me with a tiny sense of pride.

Richie doesn’t seem to be bothered by it though. He simply chuckles and says, “Well, now you’re just quoting the original.”

Amber chuckles, too, and once again goes on to ramble about bringing back legacy characters and what would or wouldn’t work for their movie.

I’m honestly tired of listening. All I’m thinking about is Tara, Mindy, and Chad, and how Sam needs to go to the hospital.

It seems like we’ve managed to slow her bleeding by applying pressure to the wound, but she will go into shock eventually if she loses any more blood. Her breathing is already shallowing and I can feel her ever increasing heartbeat under my palm.

I’m so focused on that, that when Sidney lunges for a knife on the kitchen island, I flinch in surprise.

“No!” Sam yelps when Amber stabs her and Gale tumbles off her chair in her attempt to get to her friend.

Richie just sighs and crouches down next to Sidney who’s fallen to her knees. “I’m so sorry, Sid. We can’t let you live either. I mean surviving this many times. . . that would just be ridiculous. This time the fans are gonna be the ones who win.”

Sidney groans and Sam slumps against me, resigned.

“Does that cover it?” Richie asks and Amber, ever the loyal girlfriend, nods with a love sick smile on her face.

“Nailed it, baby.”

Urgh. There it is again. Disgusting.

Both of them get back to their feet and I don’t really think much of it, knowing we’re about to die any moment now, but then Richie says something that makes my head snap up.

“Get Tara out of the closet. We’ve got to start staging the bodies!”

Tara. She’s alive.

For a split second, I’m relieved, but then reality sinks in once again. She’s alive, yes, but she won’t be for much longer, just like the rest of us.

“Stay with me, Sid,” Gale whispers weakly from her position on the floor. “Stay with me.”

Sidney exhales shakily and leans against the kitchen island, pressing her hand against her stomach.

All the while, Richie gleefully goes on and on about how Sam should have listened to Dewey because he apparently told her to look at him, the love interest, and how he almost even managed to convinced her Tara was one of the killers, but then Amber’s voice from somewhere in the house makes him stop and frown.

“She’s not here,” Amber shouts and my heartbeat instantly speeds up.

She’s not here. . . Tara’s not in the closet. She must have gotten away somehow.

“What the fuck do you mean, ‘she’s not here’?” Richie shouts back, blinking in confusion.

“She’s not here!” Amber shouts again and when Sam starts smirking ever so slightly next to me, my eyes widen.

“I untied her,” she says casually, staring Richie down. “Guess you’re not as persuasive as you thought.”

Damn. That’s my girl. Wait—no. She’s not—

Richie flinches when the land line next to him suddenly starts ringing and when Sam tells him it’s for him, he pales visibly, his grip on the gun faltering.

“Amber!” he shouts. “Fan out. She couldn’t have gotten far.”

“I can’t find her,” Amber shouts back, but then a second later, we all hear a struggle break out and the sound of Tara’s rage induced scream fills me with relief and scares me at the same time.

She’s already hurt. Amber’s going to get the upper hand.

“Amber!” Richie shouts, momentarily distracted.

This is my chance.

I grab Sam’s hand and squeeze it once, very briefly, before letting go again and rushing forward, yanking at Richie’s arm in an attempt to disarm him.

His grip on the gun is almost iron clad though and I can’t get it off of him. He even fires it once, but misses and we go down in a tangle of limbs.

“Run!” I shout at Sam who’s frozen to the spot and watching us with wide eyes. “Sam, run! H-Help Tara!”

She snaps out of it at the mention of Tara’s name and stumbles out of the kitchen.

“Piece of shit!” Richie grits out and for a moment I have the upper hand, but just like Amber did before, he punches me where I’ve been stabbed which makes me recoil. He shoves me off him and gets back to his feet, stomping on my injured leg to make sure I stay down before also dashing out of the kitchen.

“Sam! Where are you going, huh? Your big scene’s coming up!” he shouts and I drag myself across the floor, going after him.

Back in the kitchen a different struggle breaks out, this time between Gale, Sidney and apparently Amber, but I can’t turn back around and focus on them now.

Sam and Tara are my priority and because I don’t know where Tara is, I’m going after Sam for now.

I’m slower than a slug, I know, but I can’t stand. I think it would honestly hurt less if Richie’d just chopped my leg off, but it is what it is now and I’ll just have to deal with it.

“Sam? SAM!” Richie’s furious shout coming from the staircase around the corner a moment later makes me move faster.

A sickening thud echoes through the house and when I finally, finally get to the foyer I see that he and Sam took a tumble down the stairs.

“Sam.” I gasp and she coughs, her eyes meeting mine for a split second before I shout, “Look out!”

Richie’s managed to get back on his feet in record time with his gun in hand, but it’s not she whom he aims at when he fires it. It’s me.

“Y/N!”

I scramble to get back behind the corner and groan when I feel blood trickling down my already injured shoulder. The bullet grazed me. If it had been a couple more inches to the left, he’d have shot me in the head.

Fuck. These close calls are getting a little too much.

Seemingly satisfied with the way he scared me into hiding, Richie turns his attention back to Sam.

He taunts her as she tries to move away from him, and I desperately want to look around the corner and see what’s happening, but I know if he spots me, he’ll just shoot at me again.

“You’re the villain.” He’s seething and I can feel my heartbeat rising in my throat as he goes on. “And the villain dies at the end. Those are the rules.”

For a split second it’s quiet, but then Sam speaks up and I hold my breath.

“I’m introducing a new rule.”

“And what would that be? Huh?” He cackles which sends a shiver down my spine.

Sam’s voice however is even and calm a moment later when she says, “Never fuck with the daughter of a serial killer.”

What?

Richie groans and screams in surprise and pain, and I can no longer just hide around a corner. I have to see what’s going on.

I pull myself up to my feet and move along the wall until I can finally peek around the corner.

Sam somehow managed to get a hold of a knife and is now relentlessly bringing it down on Richie, which is a sight that momentarily makes my brain short circuit.

He’s writhing underneath her, screaming and trying to block the onslaught of stabs, but she’s got him trapped.

She just keeps on going, stabbing with all the strength she’s got until Richie makes a gurgling sound and pleads for her to wait.

Surprisingly she does, her chest heaving and her entire face and front covered in blood as she glares at him.

“What about my ending?” he whimpers pathetically with blood trickling out of the side of his mouth and when Sam leans down and presses the knife against his neck, saying, “Here it comes,” I quickly look away.

He squeals and a no falls from his lips before all that can be heard is his gurgling and choking on his own blood.

There’s some shuffling and when I dare to look back, I see Sam stumbling to her feet with the knife still in hand. She’s breathing heavily and staring at what she’s done with a hint of disbelief on her face.

“Sam?” I prompt carefully, moving out from behind the corner. She doesn’t react, so I say it again, approaching her cautiously.

Again, she doesn’t react, but then a floorboard creaks beneath me which is what makes her eyes snap up.

“Y/N,” she whispers and almost instantly her shoulders sag and she drops the knife.

I close the remaining distance between us without any more second thoughts and pull her into a hug, not caring that she’s getting blood all over my clothes.

My shirt is already stained with my own blood from my nose and shoulder, and if the last twenty four hours have taught me anything it’s that it’s probably a good idea to invest in some hydrogen peroxide to get rid of any future bloodstains.

“Are you okay?” she asks, desperately clutching at my shoulders.

“No. You?”

She shakes her head and I hold her close for just a moment longer until Gale and Sidney emerge from the hallway that leads to kitchen.

Judging by their calmness, I’m assuming Amber’s been dealt with which makes me lower my guard a bit.

When their eyes land on Richie’s body they seem to be impressed with how well Sam’s managed to handle herself, but then Sidney says, “Careful, they always come back,” which makes Sam pull back from our embrace and take the gun Gale’s holding.

She fires it at Richie’s lifeless body twice before aiming at the head and shooting one last time.

“Okay then,” Gale says, shrugging awkwardly only to flinch a moment later when a scream erupts from behind us.

I spin around and pull Sam behind me, my eyes widening when they land on Amber who’s coming at us with a knife in hand and half her face melted off.

God, can the dead please just stay dead for once?

Amber doesn’t get very far because another gunshot rings out and she drops to the floor a split second later with a bullet hole in the side of her head.

Holy shit.

I slowly turn my head to the left where the shot came from and when my eyes land on a trembling Tara who’s pointing a gun at where Amber just stood a moment ago, I let out a breath of relief.

“I still prefer The Babadook,” she says and even though I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean, I limp toward her and pull her into a bone crushing hug.

Almost instantly, she starts crying and when I see Sam sobbing over Tara’s head, I lift one arm, wordlessly inviting her to join us.

She rushes over and throws her arms around both of us, and for the first time tonight, I drop my defenses entirely and allow myself to cry as well.

They’re okay. They’re both okay. We’re going to be okay.

_______________________________________________

Holy hell, that was a long one, but I did promise it, so I can’t complain.

Tag list: @bella423 @artrizzler19 @btay3115 @canyonyodeler @quadofthec @pussyydestroyer @rqizzu @pithod @morganismspam23

[woso-dreamzzz]

Surgery V

Mapi Leon x Ingrid Engen x Child!Reader

Summary: You lose your lion

"Come on, Cub!" Mapi calls from the door," We're leaving!"

There's the familiar pitter-patter of your feet as you come running out of your room. You don't come straight to the door though, you run past to check the sofa cushions, pulling them up and throwing them back down.

"Cub!" Mapi calls again," We're going to be late."

"My løve (lion)!" You cry, turning around so Mapi can see just how distressed you are," It's gone! Mami, løve's gone!"

"What do you mean your lion's gone? Where's he gone?"

"I don't know!" You tug at your hair.

Most of the time, Ingrid's the one that does your hair, tying it back in a braid out of your face so it doesn't get in the way of your playing. It's loose right now though because Ingrid had gotten up late and Mapi was the one to get you ready.

You pull at the loose strands and Mapi has to gently pry your hands away.

"Hey," She says," What have I said? We must be nice to our bodies. Don't pull on your hair, please."

"Løve!"

"Cub, I'm sorry but we have to get going."

"Mami," You whine," Løve! I want løve!"

"Cub-"

The door opens.

Ingrid was waiting in the car, completely exhausted from her late night out with Frido and Aitana. She's got a to-go coffee in her hands and she rubs her eyes.

"Mapi? What's taking so long?"

"Mama!" You cry, running over and crashing into her legs," My løve is gone!"

Ingrid picks you up easily, balancing you on her hip as she surveys the destruction of the apartment.

Your bedroom door is still open and Ingrid can see where you've torn it all up looking for your lion toy. The pillows and cushions on the sofa have also been flung around the living room with no regard as you desperately looked for your toy.

"I'm sorry, cub," Ingrid says," We really need to go. We can look for him later."

You go completely limp and boneless in Ingrid's arms, trying to get her to release you so you can go back to searching but she's got a tight grip and soon you're strapped into your car seat and Mami is driving you all to training.

That's when you regain your movement again, brutally kicking the back of Ingrid's seat as you scream and cry for your løve.

He's your extra special baby toy that you got when you were baby. He's your most favourite toy in the world because he's a little lion like you are. Even your wild hair matches his mane.

Mami doesn't let you take Bagheera to training so your løve is a nice substitute but you couldn't find him when you woke up this morning. You can't even remember if you went to sleep with him last night.

"Cub," Ingrid says sternly," If you kick my seat one more time then you're going on timeout when we get to training."

You want to kick the seat again to prove a point but Ingrid is the boss in and out of the house and you don't want her to be angry at you.

"Want my løve!" You cry instead.

Your hair is still loose so you keep tugging at it even though it makes the top of your head hurt a little bit. You want your lion and you don't know what else to do now that you can't kick Ingrid's seat.

"Hey," Mami says as she glances at you through the rearview mirror," Cub, stop that. You're not being very kind to your body right now. It looks like that's hurting."

"Don't care!" You shriek.

"Well, I care. You not being nice to your body is making me sad. It makes me very upset. Can you please be nice to yourself?"

"Want løve!"

"I know," Mami says," It's just a little longer to training. Do you think you can be nice to yourself until then?"

You stop pulling your hair as tears stream down your face.

You stop kicking Ingrid's seat and you stop being mean to your body but you don't stop crying. You can't stop crying, not without your løve and Mami and Ingrid holding you.

They can't hold you in the car even if they want to so you're left to cry and scream in the backseat as Mapi finally parks the car.

Both of them are out quickly and Ingrid's the one to finally lift you into her arms, Mapi gently rubbing your back as you sob.

"I lost my løve!" You cry.

"You didn't lose him," Mapi says," Don't worry. We'll find him. He'll be at home somewhere."

"Came back from seeing Tia Leila day before yesterday," You whimper," Coulda left løve on the plane!" The thought makes you sob harder. "Didn't mean to!"

"We'll find your løve," Ingrid assures you," You haven't lost him."

Mapi is frantic as she runs ahead, just to warn everyone of what mood you're in so no one teases you or pushes you too far.

She skids into the locker room, mouth already open to word vomit everything that happened that morning but the words get stuck in her throat.

She points to Aitana. More specifically, what Aitana has in her hand.

"Cub's lion!"

"Yeah," Aitana says," She left it behind yesterday. I was meant to give it to Ingrid when we met up last night but I forgot. Here."

"Aitana, you're a lifesaver. She's been in tears all morning looking for him."

The door swings open and, true to Mapi's word, your face is tear streaked as Ingrid walks you in.

"Cub, look! Aitana found your lion!"

"My løve!" You say, reaching for it and burying your face in his fur as soon as you've got him in your grip.

"Hey," Ingrid jostle you," Say thank you to Tana."

"Thank you for finding my løve, Aitana."

[wosoamazing]

A New Chapter

Y/N Williamson Epilogue?? (My last fic before I refresh my page/content...)

IMPORTANT: This fic involves a heterosexual relationship between R and a Fictional character... If this is something you don't want to read I suggest you move on. WARNINGS: bad injury (hip), mentions of hospitals and surgery, moving away, rehab, heterosexual relationships, some swearing, periods, endometriosis, vomit/mentions of, being scared to return home, mild sickness, kids?, hints/links to miscarriage (not everyone will notice), suggestive?? - it's long so there are a lot, I have tried to list them in order, however if you do really want to read it but you can't bc of some of the warnings message me and I can see if I can cut that part of the story out for you. A/N: Not properly edited yet, I will edit it later - so sorry if any mistakes. Also sorry if the second half of it feels rushed, it was getting so long but I may have accidentally rushed it trying to make it not insanely long... (Word Count: 7462 - be prepared, hopefully it's not boring)

Your dream of playing in an Olympics Final came crashing down 15 minutes into the Matildas’ opening match of the tournament. A corner had been given, Steph kicked it in and the next second you were on the ground in agony, it seemed to happen in fast forward for you. However for Leah, who was watching at home, the moment unfolded so agonisingly slowly, she saw Frohms place a hand on your shoulder restricting you from jumping, as Oberdorf jumped into the air behind you, if it wasn't for Frohms’ hand on your shoulder the goal could’ve been yours, she was angry and hoped the ref had picked up on it, however she wasn’t angry for long, as she saw the trajectory Oberdorf was coming down on, her jump slightly too high meaning she lost control. Time slowed to an almost stop as Leah froze sat in front of the TV, watching as Oberdorfs midsection completely landed on top of your left shoulder, she almost felt her heart stop as she saw your left leg brace, watching as it popped out from the force of Oberdorfs head hitting your thigh, causing you to completely crumple onto the ground. Thankfully the players around reacted quick enough to grab onto Oberdorf and flip her, otherwise your injury wouldn’t have been the worst, and something unimaginable could’ve happened. She saw your body jolt as you were turned onto your back, the look on your face along with the scream you let out indicating your hip most likely popped back into place. The full weight of it all occurred seconds later when a phone was brought onto the pitch and steph did something on it, Leah’s phone started to ring.

“Leah, she,” Steph breathed out not knowing what to say

“I know. I saw. Can I talk to her?” Leah asked before hearing some shuffling from the other end, watching Steph crouch down next to you on the TV.

“Le-ah,” your voice came across the phone, it was full of pain and fear, Leah was honestly surprised you hadn’t passed out from the pain yet, but maybe you were running on adrenaline or shook, all she was certain about was that she needed to be there for you, in one way or another.

“Hi bug, you’re doing so well, being so brave. They are going to take good care of you, I promise. I love you so so much, and I’ll be there very soon, you’ve got this bug,” she told you before Steph took the phone back to her ear as the medics needed to move you, “we’re coming, our flight is in like an hour, we are actually about to leave now,” she informed her club teammate as she watched her fiance leave the bedroom wheeling a suitcase behind her.

______

You were immediately taken into surgery, where they did x-rays and scans. You woke up a few hours later surrounded by machines, unable to feel your left leg, but your left shoulder and torso ached badly, but quickly you noticed Steph, Sam, Leah, Lia and Alexia all sitting around the white washed sterile room. The people who you looked up to in your life and who inspired you, all in a hospital room, to be there for you, for some it meant taking time out of their teams olympic tournament. Maybe even risking unfair punishment and her mental health for one. For two others it meant getting on a plane last minute, dropping all other plans, including the IVF appointment they had waited a year for, not knowing when the next one would be, willingly letting go of their hope to have kids in the near future for you. In that moment you realised how much you meant to them, never before had the meaning of you to them been so tangible, they meant the universe and more to you, but maybe you meant ever more than that to them.

Leah noticed your eyes open and moved beside your bed, “Hey bug, how are you feeling?” she said ever so softly, and you just blinked groggily at her as she leant in to kiss your forehead mumbling “I love you very much,” before her hands moved to cup your face and her thumbs wiped away the silent tears that had started to fall from your eyes. The others all got up and left not only to find a doctor but give you two a moment of privacy.

“Hi, Y/N, nice to see you awake, I’m Dr NAME and this is Dr NAME, we were the two surgeons who operated on you,” one of the doctors spoke as they walked in, smiling at you, you kind of nodded at them and watched as their gaze turned to Leah before going through your chart, “and you’re Leah,” she nodded at them. “Okay so,” he started talking but you were too tired to listen and zoned out, hearing the words, dislocated, hairline fracture, Iliofemoral and Pubofemoral. You would eventually come to find those are the things that happened to your, during the fall your tore your  Iliofemoral and Pubofemoral ligaments, which then meant when Oberdorf’s head hit your thigh it was a lot easier for your hip to dislocate which it did, you had a hairline fracture in your femoral neck but it was unknown which mechanics of the injury caused that, sometimes they would insert a pin but as yours was only small and you were young, they didn’t, it also meant they likelihood of you returning to football was higher, however you still would most likely never return.

You were stuck in Paris until the end of the tournament, the risk of you flying back home versus the ‘risk’ of you staying there were incomparable and so you and your crutches, along with your bandaged hip, sporting the equivalent of a hinged knee brace but for a hip over your leggings, were dragged along to the final match, the first time you had been in the public's eye properly since your injury. You were dreading this match for multiple reasons. It meant you would be in the media’s sight, and you would also have to interact with the people you had been ignoring. But even more it meant you had to watch your teammates and ‘family’ get to do the one thing you had ever dreamt of, the thing that was almost never going to happen now. You stood alongside Sam during the national anthem, wearing an official match jersey, your own name on your back, as a tear rolled down your cheek, which after the anthem Sam wiped away before hugging you tightly. She understood the pain to some extent, however she knew well and truly before the olympics started the team could make it to the final and she would be standing on the sidelines, for you it was different, you should’ve been on that pitch today, if it wasn’t for your injury you would’ve been starting, as the main forward, but that didn;t matter now, you would probably never start for the matildas or any football club/team again, she knew it, the team knew it, the world knew it, you even knew it, you just didn’t want to have to face that reality.

The whistle blew and every single member of the Australian’s on the sidelines got up and sprinted onto the pitch, except you, every single A.O.C football personal was on the pitch celebrating, but you weren’t. You couldn't, you couldn’t get up, but that's not the reason you were not on the pitch, you didn’t want to be, you didn’t deserve to be.

The next second the whole bench shook, Kyra had catapulted herself into the row of seats in front of you, you looked up, her face shiny from sweat, holding the world's biggest grin, “come join us,” you just shook your head, “I can help, I’ll be sensible and careful. Please?” she begged, causing a tear to roll down your cheek, causing her face to quickly drop as she moved to hug you, making you cry more, causing more girls to start to filter over to you, all leaving with dampened moods, all having failed attempts at cheering you up and failing to convince you to join them. All celebrating as they walked across the stage receiving their medals, whilst they lifted the trophy, but the pain in their eyes was evident, you watched Kyra bite her nail nervously as she looked into your direction, you were still sat in you seat, having refused to collect your medal, you played 15 minutes you didn’t deserve it. You burdened the team, Steph spent way too long laying awake in her bed, the moment replaying in her head everytime she closed her eyes. Kyra cried herself to sleep almost every night, she missed you, you might’ve been with them physically but that was it, she knew she would have to go back to Arsenal without you and most likely never play with you again and that hurt her. Macca couldn’t shake the feeling of horror that ran through her body as she heard your scream so loud and clear from the other end of the pitch, she hadn’t even had her hearing aids in and yet it sounded like you were inside her ear. If anything the team had won in spite of you, you had in no way helped them get there, you were the cause for their pain, you didn’t deserve a medal at all.

“Bebita,” Alexia said softly as she bobbed down in front of you, “No,” you harshly snapped at her, “Et mereixes una medalla, les vas aconseguir aquí i vas formar part de l'equip sigui el que passi. (You deserve a medal, you got them here and you were part of the team no matter what),” you just shook your head at her, “Bé, doncs, almenys deixa'm agafar el teu i guardar-lo segur per a tu, per quan el vulguis després. (Well then at least let me take yours and keep it safe for you, for when you want it later.)” you shrugged your shoulders and so she placed your medal around her neck, for you. Before pulling you into a tight hug and not letting go for a very long time. The no you said to Alexia had been the last word you spoke to anyone before flying back under the intense supervision of the medics to England, where Lia and Leah meet you at the airport, taking you home.

______

“What’s wrong?” your sister asked, having put up with your attitude for way too long knowing you needed to break and rather than continuing to walk on eggshells waiting for you to break she decided to do it the hard way, allowing you to use her as a punching bag until you broke.

“What’s wrong, you’re fucking joking right, are you somesort of imbesile,” you sneered at her, “Oh I don’t know, maybe the fact I’ll never fucking play again, my career is over at 18, the rug has literally been swept out from under my feet, and none of it was even my fault, noone even got a fucking red, for ending my career, the ref decided that a career ending injury didn’t equate to a red. I had to watch as my friends my family lived out my dream, my fucking dream, I’m olympian, but am I really, 15 fucking minutes out of a minimum 540 minutes, I’m 2% of an olympian, I suppose that 2% counts though right? It’s not like I helped the team, I made it harder, I don’t deserve a medal but everyone else seems to think otherwise.”

“But you do bug, you were there, you got your team there, you were going to be the best young player of the year,” Leah tried to reason with you.

“Going being the key word there, I was going to win a Balloon d’or, I was going to be in the fifa best 11, I was going to win a golden boot, I was going to be and do so many things, but going is past tense, it’s never going to happen, I’m never going to get any awards ever again.” You shouted at her.

“Where are you going?” Leah asked as she watched you stand up, the room having fallen to silence moments ago.

“Away from you, I-, I-” you shook your head trying to clear your mind, Leah stepped closer to you, knowing your walls were about to crumble.

“What am I meant to do now, Le?” you asked, completely and utterly broken, “What happens now?”

Leah swallowed back her emotions “I don’t know bug, I’m sorry,” you collapsed into her and she picked you up being mindful of your hip, before lying down on the couch, your body on top of hers. You buried your head into her neck as you sobbed, your whole body shook, and all Leah could do was hold you, and try and comfort you and reassure you in a moment where there were no answers, how are you meant to comfort someone and give them reassurance when the doctors don’t even know. How are you meant to tell someone it's going to be okay when the only way to know what will happen is for them to go through an excruciating rehab process only to then very likely be told they could never play again.

____________________________________________________________

You were cleared to fly long distances 3 months after your surgery, 2 months since you returned, so that’s what you did. You flew to Australia, bought an apartment and started a new life essentially, one that not everyone knew your past in intricate detail, however being a Matilda most people knew who you were but it was different.

Charlie got Lachlan to keep an eye on you and so you did things with his friends and sometimes even his team. You found yourself getting closer to one of his friends in particular, he always made sure you weren't left behind because they were walking too fast, he was ‘coincidentally’ at the same rehab gym you went to when you first put weight on your leg still relying on your crutches heavily, he celebrated for you but quite, not to make you uncomfortable, he offered to drive you to your appointment the one where you were allowed to use only one crutch, he celebrated for you then too, a bit more openly but not nearly as enthusiastic as he would’ve liked. You invited him to the appointment where you would start walking without any assistance, he celebrated quite loudly for you that day, insisting he needed to take you out for dinner, you accepted it, hoping it would lead to something more, and it did. You quickly found yourself spending more time at his house than yours, more of your belongings there than you had at your own home. He was honestly perfect, and for whatever reason you had this feeling that a shoe would drop any second. 

— FLASHBACK — 

One night he woke up to you crying in your sleep, sitting up slightly he noticed there was blood on the sheets underneath you. Shaking you softly, he woke you up, before quietly saying “Baby, I think you’ve come on.”

“Shit,” you sighed out before curling into a tighter ball, “Why don’t you go have a shower and I’ll change the sheets,” He offered as he kissed your shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, rolling over to your back, “why?”, “because I’ve bleed all over the sheets, sorry,” “Baby, it's just a little blood, it’s okay, don’t worry,” you nodded before getting up and hobbling to the bathroom.

“Hey, babe you okay?” he asked as he approached the bathroom door, having finished changing the sheets, you didn’t reply to him, but he heard the muffled sounds of you crying, “I’m coming in okay,” he told you before softly opening the door, seeing you on the floor, your legs curled underneath you, as you sobbed, he bobbed down next to you, placing a hand on your back, “Do I need to take you to the hospital? I don’t think this is normal,” you shook your head as you reached to grab his hand as another wave of pain washed over you, taking a deep breath you fought off the nausea before blurting out “endometriosis,” hoping he could make conclusions from that.

“Do you need your tablets or something?” he asked and you looked at him confused. How did he know?

“My sister's girlfriend has it, I don’t know much about it but I know some things. Are your tablets in the drawer in the kitchen with the tape and stuff, are they the things in the arsenal pouch?” He asked and you nodded, being in too much pain to talk. He quickly left and returned, with your tablets, some water and heat packs.

“Not blue box,” you told him and he nodded before popping out some of the other tablets as per the labels and handing them to you.

“Do you want me to hold you?” he asked as a tear rolled down your cheek, “But-” you tried to protest weakly.

“I honestly don't care. I just want to help, I want you to feel better,” you nodded shyly at him and he picked you up placing you in his lap as he handed you a heat pack, you curled up and hid your head in his chest, falling asleep eventually.

— END FLASHBACK — 

You met up with some of the Matildas’ for coffee during one of their camps, and he and Lachlan came, him on the basis he was Lachlan’s friend.

“How long?” Steph asked as she walked alongside you, both slightly behind the others.

“What?” “You know what I mean, how long?” “I don’t know, it started as friends and then the lines blurred and then somewhere along the way he asked me to be his girlfriend,” she hummed in response, “Have you told Leah?” “What do you think,” you asked her before Harper ran up to you.

Later that night you were lying in bed next to him, head resting on his shoulder as his finger drew soft circles on your hip, over your leggings, when your phone buzzed.

Steph: You need to tell Leah. I know you don’t want to, but just think about it this way, at least you won't be telling her in person. But no, I seriously think telling her sooner rather than later would be better.

You sighed after reading her message dropping your phone on the mattress next to you, you dreaded telling your sister, especially when you already barely spoke.

“What’s wrong,” he asked as you rolled on top of him, letting out a heavy breath.

“Steph figured us out and is insisting I tell Leah,”  “Oh, why don’t you want to tell Leah?” “Do you want to tell your brother?” “Shit no,” “Exactly,” there is a pause,  “but I do need to tell Leah, especially if I am going to go back when you go on holidays,”

“You can stay here, you know that right?”

“No, I have to go back. Barça wants to announce my departure officially anyway. I don’t have a choice,” you sighed out, “what if I messaged and then just threw my phone out”

“You know you can’t do that,” he chuckled softly, causing you to groan as you rolled off him.

“I don’t want to have to face them all, I ran away, they probably want nothing to do with me anymore anyway,”

“I don’t know if that’s true, Steph and Kyra were so happy and excited to see you today, so was the rest of the team but especially them.” he said and you nodded before he spoke again, “Well I don’t know about Charli, she was too busy catching up with Lachy to even notice you were there I think,” you laughed at his comment, you turned the TV onto the Arsenal match which was about to start as the pair of you feel into silence.

“Would you ever want kids?” he asked you out of the blue.

“Um, yeah, most likely, especially now it won’t be interrupting my career,” you tried to joke, “why?” “Oh, just curious, you were just really good with Harper and her little brother today, and I don’t know why but that thought came up. Also, doesn't Steph have a kid?” 

“Yeah, he stayed in London with Dean for this camp,” he just nodded as your attention both went back to the game.

____________________________________________________________

“What do you want for lunch?” Leah asked as you sat down in one of the kitchen stools as Leah and Lia walked into the kitchen. Leah had picked you up from the airport but as Harry was actually on holiday with his friends you went your separate ways, however you had a lunch planned for tomorrow with him, you, Leah and Lia.

“Not eggs,” Lia injected before you could answer, you were confused about her answer but just nodded anyway.

“Um, I don’t really care, I’m not that hungry anyway,”

They decided on Ham Sandwiches for lunch and as you ate you caught up with them, before ending up on the couch watching TV with them, they were still talking however you had fallen more silent, leaning into Leah’s side for a hug, “You okay? You’ve just gone a bit quiet and look a bit pale,” Leah asked looking down at you.

“Mmm, I’m just a bit tired,” you admitted.

“Why don’t you go up to sleep, we have no plans until tomorrow.” you nodded before moving to go upstairs.

______

“Bug you okay?” Leah asked as she sat down on the edge of the bed, brushing her hand over your face causing you to stir slightly.

“Mmmm, sorry do you want me to go?” you mumbled half asleep.

“No, it’s okay, you can stay in here, just wanted to check you were okay,” you nodded slightly before letting out a rather chesty cough, “you sure about being okay?” you just groaned at her before rolling over, feeling her slip in behind you and pull you in for a hug, it felt just like old times.

“What are you doing in here?” Leah asked as she entered the bathroom, obviously just waking up from her midday nap.

“I feel like I’m going to be sick,” you informed her.

“Oh, scoot forward,” she instructed you and you moved away from the wall. She sat behind you before pulling you onto her lap, you collapsed back into her, resting your head on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” you said breaking the silence as you turned your head on her shoulder so you could look at her, “I should’ve told you, you did some much for me, you were there for me my whole life and then I just up left, no warning, nothing, and then I basically ghosted you,”

“It’s okay,” she told you

“But it wasn’t, I even told you about Harry over text, the first thing I told you in months after not even telling you I could walk without crutches was that I had a-” “Boyfriend,” “Well yeah,”

“I understand, and I understood, it was hard, don’t get that wrong, but it isn’t the only time one of us has just upped and left, I think you’d remember how once I got my professional contract and I had to move, I didn’t tell you, I couldn’t bare to see your sad little face when I told you, so I just left, at least you had a reason, I didn’t have one at all, and you technically had two reasons, the injury and payback,”

“I forgot about that, but thank you for reminding me, I will use it if Mum or Dad get angry at me,” 

“Please don’t, but I do understand. You did it for you, you needed to find yourself, figure out who you were without football, which meant you needed to be separated from everything that reminded you of what was once, of what you loved and still love, and that included us, and it;s okay. I was never angry, I just really missed you, you’re still my baby sister, and no matter what happens you will still be the most important person in my life.”

“Oh,” you felt your gut sink at her confession, suddenly the feeling of being sick became very real, “I’m sorry,” you replied quietly as you moved your head back flat against her shoulder, staring at the ceiling. You felt your mouth fill with saliva and closed your eyes taking some deep breaths.

“Should we cancel lunch tomorrow?” Leah asked as you continued to take deep breaths knowing why you were.

“No,” you said as you shook your head, the nausea having finally passed, “I’ll be fine, I just need to sleep more,”

“Okay, also Lia has an appointment with the medics tomorrow just so they can do some checks and stuff, it's before lunch but you’ll probably have to come and just hang out at the club because otherwise we might be late to lunch,” you nodded your head before you felt yourself dozing off.

____

“Hey, how are you?” Aaron asked as he walked into the gym followed by Declan, you had decided to do some of your rehab exercises while you waited for Lia and Leah.

“Yeah, pretty good. You?” You replied kindly

“Alright, know much about your prospects yet?” he asked, referring to your hip, you froze, not knowing what to say.

“Um, not yet, still another month until I find out,” you lied, you had already been told, but you weren’t ready to tell anyone else yet.

As you continued with your exercises, you couldn’t help but notice your heart rate get faster and your chest get tighter as time passed. When you felt yourself slightly shaking you slipped out of the gym, sliding down the wall in the hallway, your actions didn’t go unnoticed by declan who quickly followed you out but walked past you down to the medics office. He returned following behind Leah, who bobbed down next to you before looking up at him.

“Please don’t tell anyone about what we were speaking about in there,” she asked him

“Of course I wouldn’t Leah, it’s your own personal information, I’m sorry for interrupting, it’s just that,” he gestured towards you, “and if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“No thank you,” she said before shifting her focus to you.

“Hey, what's going on? You okay? Do you feel sick?” she asked in a soft, concerned voice, you couldn’t manage to speak so you just shook your head, “Take some deep breaths, you’re okay, it’s okay, nothing happened, you’re safe.”

“I can’t play,” you managed to get out after some deep breaths, the words almost immediately lifting a weight of your chest, “I’m never going to play again, I can’t,” you told her before breaking down into tears.

“Oh Bug, I’m so sorry,” she said as she pulled you in for a tight hug.

“How much longer are we here for?” you asked as you pulled away, having calmed down slightly.

“Probably ten more minutes. Have you thought about what you’re going to do?”

“A little, once I was out long term the offers started to come out anyway but I haven’t really considered them. I’m thinking of coaching though, I just can’t decide,” Leah hummed in response to you, and you sat in silence, just embracing her presence until Lia came out.

____________________________________________________________

After you spoke with Leah and Lia about not playing it was decided you needed to ask someone who wasn’t affected by your choice in any way. So you decided on going to Barcelona at the same time as Harry, for different reasons though. Hoping Alexia could help and give you some guidance.

So that’s how you found yourself sat in your seat on the plane as it sat on the tarmac waiting to disembark, your right knee bounced up and down uncontrollably as you nervously looked up and down the aisle. When you felt a hand placed on your knee, you jumped slightly before relaxing into the touch slightly, “It’s going to be okay, stop worrying, from what you’ve told me they will only care that you are okay and safe, they might be slightly annoyed but they’ll understand.” You nodded whilst stilling looking around, “and remember you can call me at anytime and I can come to you at anytime you want me to, the boys won't mind, they might just make a condition that they have to meet the team if that occurs,” you both let out a light laugh at that.

As you walked out of customs his hand slipped into yours, and you dropped your head onto his shoulder, causing him to kiss your temple. Just ahead you saw Lucy, who had raised her eyebrows, ignoring her you turned to him and hugged him. “I’m going to miss you so much,” you mumbled into his neck, “Same, but remember you can call whenever you need and I’ll call every night,” you nodded before you pulled your head out of his neck and your lips connected, your legs lifting to wrap around his waist as he wrapped his arms around yours.

“All right you two, stop sucking face, we need to go,” Lucy said interrupting you.

You huffed at her and she gave you the same look she would give you when you huffed at her for not getting you second ice cream when you were younger at England camps.

“Didn’t take you as someone who would be into PDAs Mini Leah,” Lucy teased you knowing the nickname would set you off.

“Well Lucy, when you’re in love, those things don’t matter,” you replied to her dramatically as you followed her out of the airport.

____

Its safe to say walking into the place you called home two years ago was emotional, and as you stood there waiting for Lucy to get everything she needed out of the car, Alexia and Mapi walked by, however Mapi halted, she was stopped in her tracks, as she was behind alexia who hadn't noticed you, and kept walking.

“Ale, Alexia,” Mapi stood there calling for her, “Alexia” she shouted,

“Què (what)”, Mapi couldn’t do anything other than gesture to you with her head, Alexia came running back down the hall and froze when she saw you.

“What’s wrong with them?” Lucy asked as she finally walked through the doors.

They stuttered, not being able to get words out, Lucy just ignored them and pulled you along behind her, to the pitch, where everyone was celebrating. Making your way over to where Ingrid, Frido and Ona stood, all giving you a hug, before a small girl came running up to you, “opp, Klem,” she said whilst she made grabby hands at you, she was Ingrid and Mapi’s daughter.

“I’m sorry, I can’t pick you up because I have an ouchie hip,” you said as you looked at her softly before looking back up at your old teammates, who all gave you sorry looks.

“Please don’t do that, that’s not why I came,” you sighed out before walking over to where Olga was standing by herself.

“Hi,” she said as she smiled and hugged you, you caught Alexia looking at you with a concerned look from the corner of her eye, Lucy and Kiera were talking to her and Mapi, most likely about how you didn’t want to be treated differently etc.

“Hi, is she mad?” you asked Olga, stepping away from the hug slightly.

“What?” “That I didn’t come to the wedding?” “A little upset Si, but not mad, more concerned, but we understood.” you nodded at her “it did take a week to calm her down after she found out you left England, she wasn’t mad though, more scared of whether you were safe or not,” you nodded weakly as you bit your bottom lip.

“Bebita,” Alexia said as she came up to you hugging you, before standing between you and Olga, almost the whole team following behind, creating a circle as they all started talking, it felt just like old times, like no time had passed, but it had almost been two years, you were struggling to follow the conversation like you used to, having not used your spanish in so long, everything was bringing back old times, old memories, memories you wished you could keep living, but this chapter of your life was over now, you moved to stand in front of Alexia and hug her, she wraps her arms around you whilst continuing her conversations, your shoulders started to shake softly as you started to cry and everyone looked at her concerned however she shook her head, indicating for them to continue and ignore it. After a while you seemed to have managed to calm down and you pulled away from Allexia slightly, she cupped your face in her hands, “Whatever happens, it's going to be okay.” you gave her a weak nod before moving to stand next to her.

“We are going for dinner at Ingrid and Mapi’s tonight, most of the team will be there and I think Harder and Erikson are coming too, you can come if you want.” Alexia said as you entered the ever so familiar house.

“Um, okay,” you said as you placed your phone on the table and went to grab a drink from the fridge before hearing your phone ring, Alexia caught a glimpse of the screen as she handed it to you. She knew exactly who it was from the look on your phone, not who the person was but who they were to you.

“Don’t tell anyone please, not many know yet,” she nodded, “do I get to meet this boy?”

“Alexia,” Olga called out sternly from the living room, clearly she still was in charge, something that hadn’t changed.

“Maybe, I think his friends and him are going to the game this weekend,” you said before you answered the phone and retreated to the spare room noticing how it was still your room and not a spare room at all.

____

You were sitting on the floor with Hailee, having been dragged away from your conversation with Mapi, Ingrid, Alexia and Olga by the small girl into her playroom. Not that you really minded though.

“They’ve told you you can’t play again haven’t they,” you were startled slightly by the unfamiliar voice, looking up to see Madga leaning on the door frame.

“How did you know?”

“I don’t know, I just could tell, maybe because I only knew you as football, where as they knew you as football and you, so they can’t see it. Does anyone know?”

“Yeah, Lia and Leah, and someone else, and now also you supposedly,” you flatly replied.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” you looked at her blankly, “I’ll take that as nothing, what if you came over to Frido’s while the team is at training and Pernille and I help you decide, we have no connection, it could help,”

“Bayern don’t need a new coach?” she shook her head, and you just nodded slightly, “okay so it’s settled then,” she said before turning around, “Frido, do you have a big whiteboard at home? If no, we need to buy one before tomorrow morning,” you heard her yell out as she walked away.

____________________________________________________________

Having made your decision with the help of Magda and Pernille you returned to England with Harry. To tell Arsenal, after it was official, just not yet announced, you went for lunch with Leah, Lia and Harry to tell them all, Lia and Leah took it well however Harry jumped out of his seat saying he needed to be somewhere, and since he wouldn’t return your calls, so you had no clue if you would see him or not, maybe he was leaving you.

“Turn around,” Steph said as she saw Harry running to the facility doors where you were waiting for Lia and Leah to get out of the car, having a chat with Steph.

“Will you move in with me?” He blurted out, slightly puffed as he reached you.

“What?” You questioned not understanding what he meant.

“I didn’t answer your call, or your message or your subsequent calls because I was doing something, for you, for me, for us. Remember how I played Rugby Union in high school,” you nodded, “well, I wasn’t ignoring you because I was mad you took the job, I wasn’t ignoring you at all, I was trialling for a rugby club, so we could be together, I love you too much and you mean too much for me to go back halfway across the world from you. They offered me a contract, it isn’t the greatest, but it will do, anything that means I can stay with you is perfect,” tears started to fall from your eyes, “I’m sorry,” he said slightly panicking, questioning if he said something wrong.

“No, no,” you said as you shook your head, wrapping your arms around his neck and picking your legs up “Thank you,” you mumbled into his ear before placing your head on his shoulder, not believing it.

“I’m assuming it worked?” Leah asked as she walked towards the three of you, he nodded in her direction as you let go, “ready to do this?” your sister asked as she looked at you and you nodded, starting to feel nervous agin.

____

“I’m coming back to Arsenal,” you told everyone as you stood in front of them, Harry standing on the sides, Jonas inisting he come in considering he was there already, they all cheered slightly before you interrupted them, “but not in the way you probably all want, I’m going to be part of the staff, the coaching team, I-,” your voice cracked, as you took a shaky breath “I won’t-, I-I can’t ever play again. I will never be able to play again, it’s uncertain whether I will be able to run without pain, let alone play,” you sniffed, you felt panic rise within you, “I’m sorry,” you said quietly before walking out the door tears streaming down your face, trying to ignore the looks of sorry, disappointment or confusion. Leah’s immediate reaction was to stand up and go to you, but Lia tugged her arm forcing her back down in her chair, gesturing to the figure that was rushing out the door after you. 

-

“I’m sorry, I-'' you blubbered out as someone came towards you, “Hey, none of that, baby none of this is your fault, and you literally have nothing to apologise about,” he said as he stood in front of you, you immediately fell into him at the sound of his voice and felt his strong arms hold you tight as you buried your head in his neck, he started swaying you and gave you a small kiss on the side of your head every now and then, trying to calm you down, knowing that was probably one of the hardest things you had to say, he knew you always wanted to finish your career at Arsenal, and now that was never going to happen, at least in the way you wanted, you would never be a Matilda again, you would never walk out onto a football pitch in the same way again, your goals were changing and you were struggling with that. He knew that, no matter how much you tried to hide your feelings.

The door creaked as it opened and Harry looked over to it, seeing Steph walk out, who handed him a water bottle as she gave him a soft smile before walking back into the room. He continued to sway you both slightly, keeping one hand around you as he took a quick sip from the bottle.

“Baby, do you want some water?” you nodded, taking the bottle of him and drinking out of it.

-

Leah was still inside crying into Lia’s shoulder, most people had left the room now giving everyone a bit of space. “Do you want to go home? Is this about what just happened or this morning?”

“All of it. It’s stupid, I just feel like I’m losing her now too, and it’s dumb, she was never mine in the first place but-” Leah confessed, before getting cut off by Lia.

“It’s not stupid Le, we have a lot of things happening in our life, a lot of news, and not a lot of time to process it all, it’s hard, and I know you feel like you have to be strong for her, for me, for us but you don’t, it’s okay,” Lia tried to reassure her.

“I shouldn’t be upset, I mean you're the one going through it all, and here I am complaining about my life.” Leah hiccuped.

“Hey, I might be the only one going through it physically but mentally we are both going through it, and you have more on your mind then I do, I understand, you don’t have to apologise for being upset, no matter if I’m experiencing worse, we are a team forever and always no matter what happens, no matter whether we have an addition to our team or not.” Leah nodded before pulling away from her and standing up noticing you had come back inside.

She pulled you towards you and wrapped you in a much needed hug, you didn’t want to let go, and neither did she.

____________________________________________________________

2028 Olympic Games

As the final whistle blew your players immediately ran over to you and your staff, celebrating as a team. 

Commentator One: And they’ve done it, the Matildas have won the Olympics for the second time in a row. 

Commentator two: Y/N Williamson has led the Matildas to victory after a drought, a much needed piece of silverware for the team that was starting to lose the country's hope.

It was a risky decision for Football Australia to choose you as new head coach, even you knew it, especially as you would only be joining the team in person at camp three weeks before the Olympics started, due to circumstances, but you started work much earlier than that, much to everyone's disbelief. You were however quickly ushered away from your team for a post match interview, causing you to catch sight of your sister who has collapsed onto the floor in tears. Taking a mental note to go over and comfort her later.

“Do you want to go see your Auntie?” You said to the two small people who clutched onto your hands as you walked onto the pitch.

“We-ah,” “we see Weah,” they piped up at the mention of her and you let go of their hands, “go on then,” you watched as they ran over to her, smiles bright, not knowing the meaning of the moment that just happened, them being so happy just to see their Aunt. 

“Alessia, hand the baby over,” you said to her as she held the newest addition to the Williamson family.

“Do you want to go say hi to your Mummy?” you asked the 3 month old as you placed her against your chest.

Leah’s face softened even more as she watched you approach her with her daughter, “you know, I’m never going to be able to thank you enough or repay you for this,” she said as you passed Lilly over to her, “but maybe you taking the gold away from me, means I don’t have to.”

“I told you, it’s nothing, honestly, you don’t have to repay me, buuut…..” you dragged on, she raised an eyebrow, “can you take the boys tonight, I have some celebrating to do,” you told her as she rolled her eyes.

“You literally carried our baby for us, I do owe you, and yes of course I’ll take the boys tonight, I need some quality time with them before they leave me for Australia,” she replied.

“It’s only two weeks, it's just a short camp, and it’s time we went on one of Daddy’s camps and meet all their uncles, but they honestly think they are meeting Kangaroos, they don’t quite understand that Wallabies is just the name of the team” she laughed at your comment before pulling you in for a hug. It sounds cliche but you knew in that moment your life had turned out perfect, it is nowhere near what you imagined but you honestly couldn’t have asked for anything better.

[samkerrworshipper]

togetherness | pt.2

part 1. | part 2. | part 3. | part 4. | part 5 |

longawaited and has been sitting in my drafts for weeks now cause i wasn’t quite sure if i liked the direction it’s gone in… but highliting different issues n stuff so i hope y’all enjoy! again i’ve edited this on my phone whilst reading from my kindle lol so not going to lie i’m aware that the editing could be shocking… there’s a few more parts sitting in my drafts so lmk if y’all want more

warnings: child exploitation, themes of sexual assault of minors, just general hurt with protective n supportive tillies

“Now that we’ve settled that, is there anything, anything at all that you’d like to tell me that I could help you with?”

I gulped, there were about six things I could think of just off the top of my head. I was tentative though. I could feel tears starting to form in the back of my eyes as I tried to make the decision in my head.

“No judgement?”

Sam’s immediate nod in response was comforting and apparently enough to get me talking.

“It’s going to sound stupid and I don’t even know what you could do about it considering that I’m probably somewhere in the wrong with it as well.”

Sam looked like a mixture of intrigued and perplexed.

“Y/n, even if I can’t do anything about it, you look like you just need to get it off your chest, I can be that for you as well, just tell me what’s been bothering you so much.”

I sniffled and nodded at Sam, this situation was so abnormally vulnerable for me.

“You know that I was rough around the edges when I got here, I know you haven’t heard the whole story, to put it simply I went through a rough patch when I was 14 and 15, before I got here. I’d just had spine surgery, I thought that I was never going to walk again, let alone play football. I turned to a lot of things, drugs, alcohol, anything. I ran away when I was 14, I don’t remember much of it, just that when I returned home my parents had had enough and they sent me off to the AIS for Tony to train me. Anyways, I’m rambling. Somewhere along the road I sent some explicit videos, photos and texts to my ex boyfriend, graphic ones, there’s a lot of them. He’s been posting them on reddit and twitter and they haven’t gotten any attention yet but with all the media coverage and bad press I’ve had recently I’m worried they are going to be brought up and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Sam’s expression was one thing, completely deflated and shocked. She was typing furiously into her phone whilst she was listening to my story. It took a few minutes of silence for her to reply to me.

“First off I want to start off with telling you how grateful I am for you sharing that information with me, it can’t have been easy and you are incredibly brave for telling me. I’ve got some follow up questions that I need to ask, you don’t have to answer them, I’d just appreciate it if you could try your best, okay?”

I nodded quickly in reply to Sam.

“Okay. How old were you when you sent these videos and how old was your boyfriend at the time?”

“I was 14 or 15, he was in his mid twenties.”

“So that puts him in his late 20s or early 30s right now, if my maths is correct. Did you take these photos and videos or did someone else?”

“I took most of them but he took some.”

Sam nodded at me again.

“Okay based on that question I can tell you that this ex boyfriend of yours is legally in possession of child pornography, that’s an indictable crime. If you want this to well and truly stop then we can go up that path. I want us to talk about this with Tony, it’s ultimately your decision but I think it would be very sensible to take this up with him at the very least. Y/n, you have done absolutely nothing wrong, I need to stress to you how important it is that you understand that. No one is going to blame this on you, because it isn’t your fault, you are a victim of a crime. That isn’t something light. I promise you that I have your best interests in concern when I’m telling you this. I have to ask, have you talked to anyone else about this? Your family? A therapist? A friend? Leah?”

Leah Williamson, my arsenal team captain and my best friend/mom/girlfriend. I shook my head at Sam, I’d wanted to tell Leah, she was the only person I probably trusted enough to tell but I hadn’t seen her in weeks.

“Do you want to talk to someone about it?”

“I was going to talk to Lee about it, eventually. Just with her ACL and us being in different places it didn’t make much sense, plus this stuff is so fucking stupid I didn’t want to bother anyone with it, I’m sorry for bothering you with it, Ellie was right I’m being fucking selfish.”

Sam’s face was unreadable, it was clear she was pretty deep in thought. She sat across from me for a few minutes, in thought, before she stood up and walked around the table, sitting herself down beside me.

“Can I give you a hug?”

I nodded and relaxed a little bit as I felt Sam’s arm snake its way across my shoulders, inevitably bringing me closer to her and into her chest.

“Williamson would want you to tell her, she’ll probably be mad that you didn’t tell her earlier. You are not being a bother to anyone, you have human emotions and this situation you are in is a hard one. You aren't being selfish, you are asking for help, which is a very human thing and you very clearly need it right now, there is nothing wrong with that. Now, how about I call Williamson for you, I’ll see you if you can get down here? I’m going to call Tony down here, I’ll brief him and he’ll help, okay?”

“I don’t want to tell Tony, he’s going to be mad and he’ll probably tell me this kind of behaviour isn’t wanted on his team and then I’ll get sent home.”

I could feel the material of Sam’s jumper that she must have thrown on after training soaking up my tears, that was embarrassing.

“I know you don’t want to, and I can promise you that Tony is going to be nothing but supportive, you’ve done nothing wrong. There is nothing illegal about what you did, now or then. Tony is not going to send you home, I promise. Now, do I need to call Williamson or can you do it?”

Realistically I probably could have, but I really didn’t want to.

“Can you?”

Sam nodded at me immediately, which comforted me a little bit.

“I wouldn’t have offered it if I couldn’t. She should be in Sydney right now to watch the Lionesses play tomorrow night, yeah? I’ll talk to her and we’ll see what we can work out for you. I don’t have her number though, so can you call her on your phone and I’ll talk to her.”

I nodded quickly, shakingly pulling my phone out of my pocket and pushing it out onto the table. I very quickly pulled Leah's contact, I’d called her last night so it wasn’t hard to find. She was the only person in the world that I could talk to when I was at my lowest, the only person who actually cared about me. So last night, whilst I was mid panic attack, on Ellie's and I’s ensuite floor I called her and she’d talked me through it. I should have told her then, it probably would have saved me this whole interaction with Sam, but I hadn’t wanted to worry her anymore, so I blamed it on pressure of being selected to start this week and she’d accepted my answer.

We’d been texting most of the morning, her asking me if I’d gotten sleep and if I was feeling alright, I’d answered shortly with an array of 'yes', because I didn’t want to worry her anymore. I passed the phone over to Sam once I found her phone number and she clicked the call button before pressing the phone up to her ear and standing up from her seat, starting to pace between the seats.

“Hey Leah, this is Sam, Sam Kerr, from the Matildas. Look, I’m here at our Sydney training facility with Y/n, we’ve just had a pretty serious conversation with her about some problems that she’s had recently and I was wondering if you were around so you could be here for her.”

Sam pulled out her own phone again as I assumed she listened to Leah’s response. It amazed me as to how fast her fingers danced across her own screen, it was a different kind of multi tasking.

“Yup, Mmm. Alright, I’ll send you the address, it’s not far from you guys hotel from recollection. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you being able to do this for her, I’ll see you soon and we can talk about it then.”

I gulped as Sam said her farewells and then hung up the phone before walking back over to me.

“She’s coming down, should be here in fifteen or so. She sounded worried about you, mentioned something about you having a panic attack to her on the phone last night and that she was concerned about you. I’ve texted Tony, he’s finishing up with Ellie and then he’s going to be down here. I’m going to get Steph to meet Leah downstairs when she gets here and she’ll bring her up, Y/n, we’re all here to support you however you need, alright?”

Me and Sam stayed silent in the room until about ten minutes later there was a distinct knock against the door.

“Sam, it’s me, unlock the door.”

Steph’s voice was pretty distinct, even through the heavy door. Sam stood up almost immediately, walking to the door and unlocking it before a grumpy looking Steph and a flustered version of Leah made their way through the doorway before Sam had the opportunity to relock it. Leah’s eyes went straight to my own, her whole facial expression was very controlled, she could command an entire room with that face, I knew from experience.

“Are you okay?”

Her words were directed at me, and only me. I pressed my tongue against my front teeth and lip, trying to decide how to answer the question.

“There’s some stuff that’s been happening that I haven’t told you, I’m not in trouble, or at least that’s what Sam is telling me. It’s some stuff from my past, when I was a kid. Explicit images and photos, on the internet, from when I was a kid. They popped up a few weeks ago, starting when I was in Spain with you before we came here. I didn’t bring it up because I thought I was at fault for it as much as the person who has possession of them. Sam told me that it isn’t, that I’ve done nothing wrong. I’m sorry, I know it was fucking stupid and I should have told you about it or not done it, I don’t even remember taking any of the photos or videos, it just happened and now I don’t know what to do because I don’t want it getting out to the public and I just, I don’t know how to deal with it.”

Leah’s face relaxed a little bit as I progressively talked and rambled. Once I was done she walked over to my spot, seated on one of the chairs and wrapped her arms around me.

“Hey, it’s alright, we’re going to sort this out. She’s right, you didn’t do anything wrong and you should have told me earlier but I am so grateful that you are telling me now, yeah? You are so brave kiddo, that’s child exploitation and whoever has possession of those materials is the one who’s in the wrong, okay?”

I nodded into Leah, Steph and Sam were whispering between each other behind us.

“You have to take legal action though.”

Those words made me feel like I’d been stabbed and my guts had been ripped out of my body cavity.

Leah let go of me very gently and pursed her lips.

“Because this isn’t going to go away if you don’t, and I know that you are strong but you aren’t going to be able to live if you know that this person who has possession of these materials is still out there. You’ve been checked out for weeks now, since before Mallorca. You aren’t going to check back into your life until this goes, I know it. I need you checked in, I need you to be my girl, not the skeleton of your own body that you inhabit as a coping mechanism when something bad happens.”

I think Leah would have said more if it wasn’t for the incessant knocking against the door that came again. Sam was the one who went to the door again, letting Tony in. He looked flustered as well, and a little bit worried. I’d known the man since I was 15, he’d seen me in some pretty interesting situations. Sam intercepted him before he could say anything, pulling him aside and giving him what I assumed to be the rundown of the last hour.

“I don’t think I can handle this getting out, it will, if I take legal action this is going to get out and then I’m going to be Y/n Y/l/n, the Matilda’s exploitative rookie and I’ll never be back here. My career will be over, Jonas won’t want me back, everything I've worked for will be done.”

Leah took a deep breath before wrapping her arms around me and working her hands through my scalp and hair.

“If you take legal action you will be supported, I’ll make sure of it. We are a part of a community of women that uplift us for everything you do, this won’t be any different. There will be some who judge, there is always going to be someone there to judge you. Y/n, you need to do this for your sanity, I won’t lose you to your mental health again, not like last year. Kerr has done the right thing here, bringing this up, it shows me that she cares a lot more about you then you think, it also shows me that she knows what’s best for this team and you. She wouldn’t be doing this if she didn’t think this was the best course of action.”

I nodded into Leah, trying to convince myself that her words were correct. Eventually, after Sam had given Tony the full rundown he sat down across from me, exactly where Sam had been beforehand. Sam and Steph both stood behind me and Leah, Sam’s arms resting gently on my shoulders, it was grounding.

“Sam’s told me about what’s happening. First of all I want to say how sorry I am that you are going through this, it’s not something that anyone should have to deal with, ever. Second of all I want to let you know that this team, this whole nation is in support of you. Look, it’s too late for me to take any action now. I’m going to get the police to come down tomorrow morning, you aren’t in trouble. I just think that they are going to have a better understanding of this situation than any of us could. They’ll come down, we’ll have a talk about all of this, they’ll ask the questions they need to. We don’t need to make any decisions now, we’ll talk to them, Sam and I will be there to advocate for you. After that we can make decisions about taking legal action and whatnot. Otherwise I just wanted to tell you genuinely, from the bottom of my heart how much we all care about you and value you here, we are all going to be here for whatever you need in the future, you are a valued part of this team and family and we are all here to look out for your needs, okay?”

I gulped, I could feel fresh tears springing to my eyes again. I was petrified of the police, to say the least, but Tony’s voice was so reassuring. He was the father that I’d never had and when I was 15 and he’d met me I’d been in a bad place, I’d needed him to be that figure in my life and he had been. He gave me a routine, gave me something to wake up for every morning. I probably wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for Tony. He’d given me a chance when no one else had been prepared to and for that I would always be in debt to him for.

“Okay, I’ll get in contact with the police, we’ll get a constable down tomorrow morning and we can have an open conversation with them about it, you are not in trouble, nothing is going to happen that will end in consequences for you. I think though that you need to head back to the hotel and get some proper sleep, your body needs it. So head back, don’t worry about any of this, because I’m going to sort it out and we’ll talk about it in the morning with a clean slate and mindset, alright?”

I nodded at Tony, I didn’t really have much to say.

“Thank you Coach.”

He nodded at me, before standing up and walking around to the other side of the octoval table and giving me a pat on the back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, don’t worry about this anymore, it’s going to be okay. Get back to the hotel, we’ve got an early wakeup tomorrow.”

I nodded at Coach, watching as he left the room just as quickly as he’d entered it.

“I’ve talked to Steph, her and I are rooming together so we’ll switch, she’ll stay with Ellie and you can come and room in with me, I think we’ll keep it that way for the rest of the tournament.”

I looked over at Sam, nodding along with what she was saying. Leah reached her arms around me, a big bear hug.

“And I am here, I expect you to check in with me, at least twice a day. When you guys head off to Melbourne or Brisbane I’m not going to be able to be there, so I need you to stay in contact with me, okay? Anybody does so much as look at you wrong I want to be the first to know, okay?”

I nodded at Leah, half in fear, half in adoration. She was the only person in the world that I actually trusted in. Our bond had been forced, when I’d moved to London to play for Arsenal I’d been moved into the spare room in her apartment and in a very short amount of time we’d created a bond that extended beyond the realm of friendship. I loved her, she was the first person besides Tony to give me a chance and he was obligated to give me on, Leah had chosen to fight for me and to stick by my side even when it wasn’t easy, she was a good person, better than I was sure I’d ever be.

“We’ll drop you back to your hotel on our way home Williamson, it’s the least we could do considering you got here so quickly, can you just give us five minutes to grab our things from the locker room?”

Sam’s voice held no room for argument, she was insisting on giving Leah a ride home and Leah didn’t try to object.

“Please, call me Leah and if it’s no trouble I would really appreciate it. I can meet you guys down in the foyer in about five, I need to go to the loo, so whilst I’m doing that how about you guys go and get your stuff together?”

Sam, Steph and I all walked back down to the change rooms in a comfortable silence. It was when we actually made it back to the rooms that I realised I still had my boots on, the cleats that were spotless from not even getting any wear at training. The cleats that a few hours ago had seemed impossible to tie up. I made quick business of pulling them off of my feet, throwing them into my kit bag and pulling out the pair of Nike dunks that I’d worn in earlier when we’d all come down here for our match analysis. Sam and Steph both made quick work off slipping out of their training kits and changing into sweat pant duos that matched with me. After they’d gotten changed and refreshed we all grabbed our bags and whatever other things we had lying around before making our way down to the foyer.

Leah was waiting for us, tapping her foot violently against the marble floors. When she spotted the three of us out of the corner of her eye her stress ceased almost immediately. I’d learnt a lot about Leah in the amount of time I’d known her. One thing about England’s captain was that she was not as fearless as everyone credited her as being, she put on a brave face, a bloody good one, but she was just as human as everyone else and sometimes it showed, especially when she felt uncomfortable in a situation or she didn’t think she deserved to be where she was. I’d moved in with her initially just before she'd led the Lionesses to their victory at the euro’s, and at the time Leah had been a basket case to be nice. I think that was how we’d bonded, through our similar insecurities of not being good enough to fill the shoes that had been passed down to us.

“C’mon cap, let’s get going.”

Leah smiled at me and nodded. We’d been keeping our relationship under wraps for a few months now. Neither of us were insecure in our situation and we were happy to enjoy our private, happy and blessed life together. Plus we hadn’t really seen much of each other in the past month or so, being caught up with our obligations to our national teams. Leah was also very committed to her rehab and I couldn’t be there for every step of that so we’d spent some time apart. We’d both agreed when the new Arsenal season rolled around that we’d tell the team, but still keep it under wraps from the public for as long as we could. Neither of us were worried about the public finding out, I was out, had been since I was 14. Leah wasn’t officially but she’d also never dated a man and in the eyes of the female soccer world that pretty much means you're gay. It would come out when it did and we were prepared for that to happen.

We walked out to Steph’s car, piling all of our bags in the boot before Sam and Steph slid into the passenger and drivers seats whilst Leah and I both took seats in the backseat. Somewhere along in the drive her hand made its way to my own, resting gently on top of my knee cap. I interlocked our fingers and smiled up at her, this was the part of a secret relationship that I liked, getting moments just between the two of you that only the two of you understood. The sweet nothings. I felt my heart plummet a little bit as we arrived out the front of Leah’s hotel and I realised that I was going to have to say goodbye, potentially for a few more weeks. That was the suckish part of being a professional athlete messing around with another professional athlete, there wasn’t always a timeline on when you’d see each other next, sometimes it was just situational.

I made the call to walk Leah to the door of the hotel, when we got to the doors I gave her a hug, a big, long hug. She hugged me back, tightly. Leah was good at hugs. When we finally had to come apart I looked up at her, with my big green eyes and apparently she couldn’t resist because she reached down and honoured me with a peck. It was nothing more, a small gesture but to me it was everything.

“I love you okay, be safe, text me, call me. I am always here for you, don’t keep me in the dark on things that you think are going to burden me, they aren’t, call your therapist, please.”

I nodded at Leah, she was using her captain's voice with me that she knew I couldn’t refuse.

“When you get back to the hotel I expect you to eat some proper food, not of those bloody granola bars that you insist are nutritional, proper food. Hydrate, at least a litre of water. Sleep, you deserve to sleep, let yourself sleep. Call me in the morning and tell me how you are feeling, okay?”

I gulped and nodded at Leah, an action that I was becoming aware I might have done too much of tonight.

“Love you too, thank you for being here for me.”

“Anytime, I’m only ever one call away, now go home.”

I gave Leah one final look before walking back to the car, closing the door behind me only to be bombarded with googly eyes from the two co captains sitting in the front of the car.

“You and Williamson?”

Sam’s voice was the first one to break the sound barrier, it scared me a little bit.

“Yeah.”

I made it sound like it was a non fact, like every person on the planet knew that I was in the bed sheets of the Lionesses Captain.

“Fuck, I knew it, McCabe owes me fifty quid.”

Steph’s voice was steadier and surprised me a little bit.

“We all had bets, how long have you guys been together?”

“We’ve been dating for 6 or 8 months, fucking around with each other since I joined Arsenal so about a year or so.”

Steph’s eyebrows rose to the top of her forrid, obviously very surprised by my answer.

“You're trying to tell me that you and Lee have just casually been hiding a relationship behind closed doors for months.”

“I mean we’re roommates, it wasn’t that hard to hide, plus we just aren’t rabbits who need to fuck on every surface unlike Sam and fucking Kristie, I’m never going to be able to mentally burn the image of you two getting at it on the pool table after the olympics, that was fucking traumatic.”

Sam’s face had flushed, we constantly brought it up with her. After our bronze loss to the US in the olympics a lot of the team had gone out in celebration with the Americans, what I hadn’t expected to find that night when I’d walked into the room that I thought was the bathroom was Sam eating her secret girlfriend out on the table. It had messed with my brain permanently.

“Hey you're the one who’s always bringing it up, maybe you were secretly into it, secret fantasy between you and Williamson.”

I loudly gagged from my spot in the backseat, extremely displeased by Sam’s imaginative imagery.

“Nobody thinks that Sam, it’s just you and all of your lost brain cells.”

There was something so comfortable about the dynamic between Sam and Steph, something so sisterly and bonded. They were like family, they messed around with each other and pushed each other but they loved each other and the both of them knew that at the end of the day. They might not have been the closest on the team, they weren’t each other's best friends but they were family and that was all that mattered.

“Whatever you say Stephy.”

[justanothersanjilover]

One Piece Modern Gym AU Wip (Part 22)

The next morning Sanji woke from a clatter in his kitchen. With his sleepy mind, he thought someone had broken into his apartment and grabbed the pocket knife from under in pillow (one was always lying there since he was a kid and he wouldn't change that, even if some people found it strange). It took him a few moments to remember that it was most likely Zoro - since he forced him to crash on his couch the night before. The knife disappeared under the pillow again.

Sanji got up, changed into some comfy pants and a oversized shirt and threw on his dressing gown. Tying it around his waist, he walked to the kitchen, just to see Zoro standing in front of the stove, carefully swinging a pan from side to side over the flame. It smelled like eggs, bacon and coffee. Only then Sanji noticed, that Zoro wasn't wearing his shirt. His heart jumped as he remembered Nami saying that Zoro only took his shirt off, when he was feeling really, really comfortable. Smiling, Sanji watched as Zoro hummed and made little dance moves to a song only he could hear. The sight had such a domestic touch to it, a shiver ran down Sanji’s body.

Zoro turned around, placing the eggs and bacon on two plates on a tray and getting the coffee mugs to do the same, as he looked up. Their eyes met and a soft smile formed on Zoro’s face.

“Sorry for searching trough your kitchen. I figured at least I could make breakfast after I crashed on your couch,” he said.

“That’s fine and I made you crash on my couch, remember? So you don't own me anything.”

Sanji walked over to the kitchen island and sat down on one of the bar chairs. His gaze laying on Zoro’s face but he couldn't stop it from dropping down to his chest every now and then. He didn't want to make Zoro uncomfortable by staring at his scars, but he also really wanted to see how they looked - if he didn't want to show them because they looked bad or if it was because he was afraid someone would make a stupid remark. Zoro placed one plate with eggs and bacon in front of Sanji, alongside the coffee mug - which was actually filled with the citrus tea Sanji had mentioned drinking for breakfast at some random conversation four weeks ago.

Sanji’s gaze dropped to Zoro’s chest and he had to stop himself from gasping. There wasn't only the scars from his top surgery but also a nasty uneven scar from his left collarbone diagonal to his right hip. It looked like it was a deep wound once and surely a dangerous one, too. Also there where many, like many-many, small and larger scars spread all over his chest and belly, even some disappearing into his pants. He also noticed that all of them were so precisely placed that they wouldn't show even if Zoro wore a tank top with deep cut arm holes - or at least only some small once we're showing; you wouldn't recognize them without being very close to him.

“I…can put a shirt on,” Zoro suddenly said, his voice a mix of uneasiness and concern.

Sanji’s eyes snapped up and he was met with an almost anxious look from Zoro.

“No! I’m sorry…I,” Sanji shook his head. “I just didn't expected you to have such a big scar over your chest, that’s all. I don't mind you walking around shirtless. On the contrary.”

Sanji felt his cheeks getting hot as he looked down.

“You look beautiful.”

“That’s something no one ever told me,” Zoro said with a small grin.

“Well…it’s true. I think scars are reminders of what you survived. I have my own and I came to be proud of them - after some time. So you are beautiful with all of your scars.”

Zoro came around the corner and sat down beside Sanji - who was suddenly realizing that he was sitting half-naked by his side, eating breakfast and sipping black coffee. His cheeks got even redder that they were seconds ago.

“If you don't eat, it’ll be cold and cold bacon tastes like old leather.”

Sanji bursted into laughter at that description.

“Don’t laugh! It’s true!”

“If you say so.”

Giggling, Sanji started to eat. Their was a bit too much pepper on the eggs and the bacon was a little burned on the edges, but it tasted awesome just because Zoro had made it for him. The tea on the other hand was the best he ever had. Sanji thought about why Zoro was so good at making tea and came to the conclusion that he had to like it too. Smiling, he scrubbed the last remains of egg from his plate and leaned back. Watching Zoro eat, his smile widened while he let his eyes wander over the man beside him. But his mood changed like a switch after a few moments. He became painfully aware of when someone had actually made some food for him for the last time - or rather, how long it had been since then.

Zoro, turning his head to ask Sanji a question, saw the sudden change of his expression right as he stared at his upper body again. Ignoring the painfully pull in his stomach, Zoro quietly scolded himself for not thinking his appearance would effect Sanji in any kind of way.

“You alright?” Zoro asked, looking him up and down, letting his fork sink without taking the bite on it.

“Yeah…”

“Okay, what's up, hm?” he wanted to know, not buying the ‘I’m fine’ look Sanji wore like a second skin. “Did I do something? I swear I’m not mad if you want me to put a shirt on. I know some of the scars look nasty…”

“God no! I’m not bothered by the way you look, believe me. I’m sorry for staring, tho.”

Zoro scoffed and turned so he was facing Sanji, hands danglingling between his legs and a worried look on his face.

“What is it then?”

Sanji dropped his gaze to the floor, wrapping his arms around himself. This was embarrassing.

“I…It’s stupid and childish, and…”

Suddenly Sanji’s face was grabbed and Zoro carefully forced him to look him in the eye.

“Spit it out already.”

“I just…I remembered that the last time someone made breakfast for me like this was when I was a kid, working in my foster father's restaurant as a dishwasher and one of the chefs made me scrambled eggs. I’ve been living alone since I was fourteen…so there wasn't a mom or really anyone that would make me breakfast - unless I was in the restaurant and they stopped making it for me when I started to cook there, too…so…”

Zoro looked like he got hit with a brick. He had speculated that Sanji’s upbringing wasn't fun and flowers, the way he talked about his father. But this? Living alone and having to look after himself since he was fourteen? He got up from his chair and crossed the distance between him and Sanji to hug him tight against his chest. Sanji went stiff for a moment, but than relaxed all of a sudden and almost melted against Zoro.

“I would love to make you breakfast more often,” Zoro whispered, placing a soft kiss on top of Sanji’s head. “If you can overlook the burned bacon and wrong seasoned eggs.”

Sanji snorted with laughter and nodded against Zoro’s chest. Without thinking he started to trace the long, nasty scar carefully with his finger tips. He could feel Zoro stiffen a bit and stopped, clearly, he didn't felt comfortable with him doing this.

“If you don't mind me asking…where did you get it from?” Sanji almost whispered, hand hovering over Zoro’s skin.

“I don't mind…but that a story for another time, okay?”

“Right…sorry.”

“You don't have to be,” Zoro pushed him away a bit and looked him in the eyes. “It’s fine. I just don't like to think about it right now. To answer this question I have to answer a few more and I don't really feel like it right now. I’ll tell you later or on our next date.”

Sanji nodded.

“That’s totally fine. Even if you don't tell me, it’s fine. I won't judge either way.”

Zoro smiled and Sanji started to smile, too. They continued talking about other topics until Zoro's phone rang.

“Sorry,” he excused himself and walked over to the couch. “Yeah? Yeah…right. What?! Okay, wait…no, no, stay calm. I’m on my way. Yes. You see something you can defend yourself with?”

Sanji watched Zoro almost panicked put on his shirt and boots. Grabbing his jacket he made a run for the elevator.

“You have a lighter, right? Get the hairspray and if he gets in…yes you can do that for fucks sake! I’m coming…”

Sanji watched all the color drown from Zoro’s face a second later. He turned around and right then Sanji knew what he just remembered.

“My…bike…I…fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! I left my bike by the aquarium! Fuck!”

“I got you!” Sanji said and ran to his bedroom.

Only seconds later he was back and trusted a key in Zoro’s hand.

“Take the bike in the garage. I’ll show you.”

He didn't knew what was going on. But listening to Zoro calming the person on the other end of the phone and telling them how they could defend themself, painted a clear picture of what was going on. He slipped in his shoes and got into the elevator with Zoro. Pressing a button that would ensure that the lift didn't stop on any floor, he stared at Zoro.

“I’m still on the phone, Pinky. It’s fine. You can do this. I just need to get to the bike. You’ll be fine.”

A moment of silence.

“You need to send me the address.”

A ping of Zoro’s phone and he took it from his ear to look at it.

“I hate to ask…” Zoro threw a pleading look to Sanji. “But can you come with me? I need to help my sister and I can't get lost in the way there.”

“Of course, I come. What a stupid question!” Sanji actually slapped Zoro’s arm. “Send me the address.”

Only a second later Sanji’s phone got the message. Zoro was talking to his sister again.

“Where is he? Okay…No! You stay where you are, for fucks sake! Just because you can't hear him doesn't mean he’s gone.”

They made it to the garage and Sanji started to sprint to the bike his foster dad had given him a few weeks ago. It was fully prepared to drive - but Sanji wasn't fond of motorbikes, so he never did. The tank was full but he had only one helmet.

“You take this,” Zoro thrusters the helmet against Sanji’s chest.

“But…”

“Please don't argue with me right now, okay? Put it on.” Zoro sat on the motorbike - a beautiful BMW K1200S, he would flip about this later - and motioned for Sanji to sit behind him. “Grab my waist and hold tight. I usually don't drive too fast with someone behind me, but I can't do that now.”

“I understand. Just…be careful. I at least have a helmet, if we crash you don't have any protection.”

“I know,” he got a headphone out of his pocket and put it in to talk the his sister while driving. “Sanji, you need to tell me where to go, all right?”

“Just start driving, for god's sake!”

He wasn't sure how he should hold Zoro’s waist tight and look where he had to drive to…another glance on his phone and the location Zoro had sent him, made him breathe out in releave. He knew the way without navigation. Wrapping his arms around Zoro’s waist and pulling himself flush against his back, he mentally was going through the best route.

Just a second later they were speeding out of the garage and down the road.

Prev/next

First part

[sublimecatgalaxy]

maybe a continuance of the last one you wrote for me? just start talking about nerve pain in therapy and Rafe being agitated about it like in a good way but also being super caring with her

Late to the party but here at last. I love you bestie, I hope this helps❤️ This is a little different than the other one cuz I changed the dynamic between them to give you a little laugh :)

"Are you sure you're okay in there?" Rafe nags from behind the door and my eyes roll, my hands reaching out to steady myself against the counter. I pause for a moment, settling the nerves in my stomach before my lips part, a ragged, strained breath escaping me from the pain.

"Rafe, I'm fine, just give me a second," I mutter out and hear him move against the door, leaning against it as he waits for me to ask for help. He doesn't have to be here but he demanded it, not wanting me to be alone days after surgery. He's been pestering me incessantly, constantly asking if I need something and it's thrown me through the loop, not used to this calm and caring side of him.

Sometimes I wish he'd just leave me alone.

But I'd be lying if I said I wish he would just go home.

"I can help." He offers sweetly and timidly and I feel the jump of my heart at his caring words but I push it away, physically shaking away the thought as I blow out a breath, pulling my shirt over my head and onto the floor.

"I'm not having my friends with benefits help me in and out of the bath."

We've been sleeping with each other for months, constantly contacting each other in the middle of the night when we need each other and that's all it's been for the longest time; us hooking up and joking with each other and then him going home immediately after. But this crosses that unspoken boundary between us that that was all that we were, this changes things.

"It's not like I haven't seen you naked." He snorts and my eyes widen and I look at the door as if I can see right through it. If looks could kill...

"Shut up." I mutter and go to reach towards the door but I stop myself, knowing if I let him in to help me, that we would never go back to the way that we were. Seeing me and helping me in such a vulnerable state would change our dynamic completely and we would be less platonic, more connected.

And I'm not sure if I can handle that connection just yet.

"I'm just pointing out the obvious. No need to be shy." He knocks on the door once more, urging me to let him in and finally snap, moving towards the door to open it but I trip, my butt hitting the ground with a loud thump as I wince. "What was that?" Rafe asks worriedly and I pause, cursing under my breath, feeling so stupid for being so clumsy.

"I tripped." I huff, pushing my hair out of my face as the doorknob jiggles and I feel angry, frustrated tears rise to my eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"That's a loaded question."

"I'm coming in-" The door flies open and I immediately go to cover my chest but he just scoffs at me and reaches down towards me, hoisting me up into his arms and onto my unsteady feet.

"Rafe!" I whack his chest and he laughs, reaching up to tuck my hair behind my ears sweetly, his eyes not moving south of my chin. The gentleman act that he's got going makes my stomach flutter and heart drop and I consider letting him in for just a moment, just to help me.

"Oh stop, c'mere." He pulls me towards the tub that's now full to the top and he reaches down to turn the water off and check the temperature. "What are they going to do about this? You're in too much pain." He asks, helping me out of my pants and I push my guilt and vulnerability down.

"You're just sad you can't do me." I snort and he pinches my side with a naughty grin.

"Shut up, I care about you sometimes." He helps me step into the bed with a soft smile, eyes not wandering like they normally would and I smile while he's not looking, wanting nothing but to fall into his arms and let him embrace me for hours.

"Wow, you care?" I ask sarcastically and his eyes roll, arms lowering me down into the tub as the warm water surrounds me. "I didn't know that was possible."

"Shut up." He sits down on the ground besides the tub and rolls up his sleeves and I try not to question him when he cups some warm water in his hands and dumps it across my shivering shoulders.

"They're talking about specific therapies to help my nerves. It's a long process so we're just playing it by ear right now." I break down my walls a little bit, letting him in and allowing him to see what's really going on under the surface, behind my body, and witty jokes that I know he loves so much.

There's a pause as he rinses my body, a soft smile on his lips as I watch him intently and he sighs before looking up at me, blue eyes soft and genuine.

"You know, if you ever need my help getting to appointments or if you need someone to sit with you, I don't do much."

"Yeah?" I ask after a moment of silence, digesting his offer.

"Yeah." He whispers back simply and bashfully.

"Okay." I nod, giving into his offer and allowing him to care for and about me without pushing him away even though it's my instinct.

"Okay?" He asks, shocked at my walls tumbling down, even if it's just temporary, and I nod, biting at my lip nervously. "Okay."

[topsurgerystuff]

Now, I will expound upon the scary things. These are things that happened after top surgery that spooked me.

All of these things ended up being harmless, I just wasn’t told they would happen and couldn’t find any info about them so they scared me shitless. My intention here is to save others from similar needless panic. This is not medical advice, just a description of my experience. Well some of it is advice, but keep in mind that I’m fucking stupid and I don’t know shit. Also, Never for one second have I regretted this surgery. The only thing I miss about my tits is being able to grope them whenever I wanted.

Okay so first of all there was the bruises. Blood from the surgery had pooled in my love handles and all over my thighs under my skin and made these HUGE bruises, right, and they didn’t hurt but they were large and had funky colors and I thought “What if the blood rots under my skin”. I googled it, I asked all my friends, I tried to reach my doctors but it was the weekend so they didn’t answer so I went to urgent care and the doctor there was like “I dont know…. That’s scary….” So I was freaking out and decided I would simply wait for death to claim me. It was fine. When I finally got ahold of the doctor she said she’s never seen it before but to just watch it and tell her if it gets bigger. My body slurped that shit back up in a couple weeks, totally harmlessly. Why haven’t surgeons ever seen shit like that before? Probably because nobody’s ever freaked out about it enough to mention it to them. Either way, it was fine.

Secondly, when I had those drains in me, that was spooky because I thought “What if they get yanked out and tear up my shit” and I couldn’t take off the bandage too see or nothing but when I did eventually take them off, I saw that there are stitches around the pipes but not like holding them in you, just there to make sure the holes they put in you stay the same size they are. So if they get pulled out you don’t get seriously damaged, you just call them up and say yo can you put this shit back in me pls. There will also be little meat chunks coming through your tubes with your soup and the soup will be mildly funky smelling. That’s normal. I was told to tell them if there was like CRAZY amounts of meat or if the soup smelled absolutely nasty. Also the bolster things they put on your nips are attached directly to your nips and nothing else, so if you feel shit sliding around under your bandage, that’s the bandage sliding, not the bolsters. They didn’t tell me that so I thought I was gonna wake up with one on my back or something and not be able to put it back where it was. And they make it so it’ll be nice and slippery in there the whole time so don’t worry about the bolsters getting ripped off, there’s not enough friction in there to do that.

There was also the hydrocodone they gave me. For me, the incisions didn’t hardly hurt at all even immediately after surgery but they prescribed me hydrocodone so I took it, and I assumed I wasn’t hurting because of the drugs and that if I stopped taking them I would hurt a LOT. So here I am taking opioids and I’m so fucking dizzy and I’m violently throwing up for two days. I texted my doctor and begged to stop taking it because I thought I would get in trouble or something if I stopped without asking and she’s like “Yeah, you didn’t have to take it if you didn’t want to, its just there if you need something stronger” ohhhhhhhh well fuck me I guess. So I stopped taking it and it turns out I didn’t need pain meds at all because it barely hurts, it just feels like a really long paper cut.

Some other things, I popped a stitch in my armpit because when you first come home and your shits still all numbed up, you can’t feel it when you overstretch your arm so if you forget you’re not supposed to do that, you can pop a stitch. It got infected, I put some antibiotic on it, it took a long time to heal and it made the scar a little uglier but it didn’t cause anything crazy. I will say that my incisions go up into my armpits really far and it was real hard to keep them clean on account of all the sweat. My nipple grafts also had many tiny, shallow stitches and I thought “What if they fall out because they’re so shallow”. That’s normal. My dad said that’s how you do stitches for sensitive areas so they look pretty, and they do look pretty, and also they are supposed to fall out after a couple weeks, that is also normal. Just make sure they don’t fall out too soon I guess. Pretend you’re made of glass for the first 4 weeks, honestly.

Also, your nip has the little oil glands in it, right, and when you’re nip scabs over as it is supposed to, it will scab inside these oil pores and you’ll lose the whole rest of the scab and have these little leftover scraps, and you Must. Not. Pick them. Those pores in my nips are little craters now because I picked the scabs out of them. Every scab you pull off, even the ones that are thin and tiny and already hanging halfway off, is going to make your nip even uglier. You wont die but you will say “Ugh why did it do that”.

Also, my nip hole collects nasty shit in it that I have to clean out all the time and since I can’t feel anything in there I have the be VERY careful. Skin is actually very easy to puncture. And there’s like little caverns in there that also get stuff in them a lot so I still put antibiotic on my nips after I shower just in case? Not really sure if its infection or like dead skin… its been getting better over time at least. Sorry if that’s TMI but listen, somebody’s gotta talk about it.

Sometimes my scars, the main incisions, will get these little blackheads right in the middle of them or little pockets of infection, and I always pick at them and the scar tissue isn’t very strong so when you pick at things on your scar, you will break open all the blood vessels around it and have a big red spot and the scar tissue is such that you will not get the blackhead out anyway so just dont do that. Put some antibiotic on it. Honestly just put antibiotic on anything that looks sus. Antibiotic can solve anything.

Okay idk what else to say so end post goodbye.

[softbutchthatlovesyou]

First things first: I am not deactivating. Just. Taking a break.

Mututals: You can get my discord if I don't ask for yours before I leave in a couple days. You can also give me a snap though I may be worse at responding to that.

This is my reasons for leaving so no one thinks I do anything crazy, or if anyone has their own gripe they can take this as a sign to take a mental health break of your own.

.

The Racism on this site remains unchecked, and the agression against black user who call it out should absolutely NOT be that high. You adore recreating the racist systems that got us here in the first place. You think your lense on how we experience opression, even the theories we wrote, are better and clearly so much superior.

Exorsexism is disgustingly rampant. We are a jokes to people. We are fakes to other. We are a convenient argument about people passing. We are "dangerous" to a preciously protected set of binaries that do nothing to help any of us.

Lesbophobia across the site has no reason to be so high on a site with so many Lesbians and yet!! We treat labels like they're more important than lives. People act like a personal interpretation of the idenity is an attack. We go "Being a Lesbian is so complex. It's intricate and special" And then when a butch takes t, or a femmes uses he and maybe even gets top surgery, or someones attraction isnt the simply wlw Lesbianism they're told they're doing it wrong and that it's not fair to try and over complicate being a lesbian.

Transandrophobia and Transmisogyny against me and other trans people on this site is out of control. People are infighting and people are lashing out laterally and comparing it 1:1 to the opression the system holds against all of us.

Intersexism continues to be like, so easy for you guys to commit no matter how many voices speak up about how best to be aware of intersex issues.

You guys adore ableism just as you have for years and years. You're obsessed with degrading people who do mental illness or disability "wrong." You see someone stuggling with illness and you don't wait to tell them your personal opinion on their experience. Adding ocd triggering guilt tripping to post. Refusing to hear out people about adding image ids/alt images and how screen readers work.

The Antisemitism I was seeing well before 10/7 was gross. It only increased as people scrambled not to be associated with "the bad jew." People had mutuals and friends for years that abandoned them at the first chance. They spread lies or twisted truths in order to chose Jewish bloggers off the site. I DO notice that when people make post on antisemitism there is often more Jewish people than goy in the notes acknowledging it. I don't think I've seen one without horrid Antisemitism in it's own notes in months. Multiple people have told me to leave my heritage out of pride in their attempts to keep out Jewish people.

Voices from Palstine are only used when they support certain ideas. You all turned supporting people into a fucking witch hunt against profiles on the Internet. You reblog a post of Palastine joy and then reblog an unsourced tweet about something Palstinians have said isn't true, that slanders Jewish people unprompted. For a long time some of you weren't even sharing the right sources for helping them bc you couldn't fact check before sharing?

-

And then there's fucking STAFF. They couldn't stop themselves from banning trans blogs if you paid them. They couldn't keep harassment campaigns at bay if it killed someone.

They used us to coax queer people here for years by sharing that they support queer identities and even at one point let our porn exist here! And then it was all fucking wiped off the map. Now one mass reporting of an untrue claim can get an minorties blog permanently removed.

They say "We need money!" but when people gave it to them this site got w o r se. They use distractions and try and make stuff around the fun shit we came up with to keep us from fussing.

They mute and remove users who make a loud enough point to sway people. They mute and removes uses that are so quiet no one would notice.

Minorties inboxes are a headache.

.

So I'm out. I'll probably be back at some point because I have things I DO enjoy here.

But for mental health I just gotta catch my breath.

This will be my pinned until I get back I guess im case anyone wonders where I went.

I'll have a queue going of a few last minute things i want on my blog but when it runs out thats it for a while until I return.

Thats all

[transguyjesus]

GOSH it has been ages since I've done an update. I've just been so out of it due to many happenings and also because I moved the blog to a different account.

SO. I went off T about a year ago.

When I first started, i knew that there was a possibility that i'd want to go off eventually for different reasons. Months into hrt one of them became obvious: I was producing way too much blood. By the second year i was going to need to get my blood drawn ever few months to keep me at healthy levels. Due to other reasons, (mainly the pandemic) i was forced to stop before that happened.

But when i started back up, desperate for the changes i needed (deep voice and facial hair were always my priority) the blood became a concern again. So by the third year, i had to start getting my blood drawn every few or so months, just as me and my doctor had thought.

I also started losing way too much hair. My hair was thinning FAST and I thought i was prepared to go bald for the sake of my dysphoria but it turns out I wasnt. I didnt like, cry about it, but i realised that it bothered me way too much.

So I thought for a LONG WHILE and ultimately came to the conclusion that, well, my beard has filled up quite nicely, i even get healthy envious comments from cis dudes about it, my voice is quite deep and with voice training i can get it even deeper if i want to. I am definitely planning on going back to working out when i find both the time and the place, and i dont think i want to have much more hair on my back, i already have some nice patches on my shoulders and my chest and stomach are also covered in a decent amount of hair.

I decided to try it out. If i hated it, I could always go back on T.

A bit over a year since my last shot, this is what's happened:

-My voice can still go just as deep as ever, but now it's easier to also go into higher ranges. I suspect, with some light voice training, I'll have a pretty wide range and that pleases me, as I love to sing.

-I started bleeding again only two months ago. I was dreading this, as it was a huge GD inducer. But it was just meh. I really think that my mental state regarding myself helps with this. I am so comfortable in my body now, as a man who happens to have these parts, that thinking of myself as "a dude who menstruates" is just whatever now. Being able to look in the mirror with how T changed some of my facial features and gave me a nice beard DEFINITELY helps, though lmao

-My hair stopped thinning. And it's growing back a little, so far just enough to cover the worst of it. I know it will not grow back completely and i don't want it to. I just want to be able to keep my hair for at least another decade without any bad balding.

-i have not yet seen any significant change in fat distribution. My hips are still smaller than my shoulders and my waist is still bigger than it was pre-T. I hope me eventually getting back into regular excercise will help me keep it that way.

-About that last bit, my chest was always pretty small. I was very lucky in that regard. Pre-t it was still too much for me so i wore a binder daily. With fat redistribution it got smaller, i think both due to fat not depositing in there and because my shoulders got broader (i can fill up shirts i couldnt before). I'm still able to not bind. And i can comfortably walk around shirtless if i want to. This is very likely also due to higher confidence in myself. I don't think I'll go back to binding. It already damaged me enough. If for some curse my chest does get bigger I'll just hurry up the process and take a loan for top surgery.

-My beard, for some miracle, is STILL filling up. I recently noticed that it's covering a bigger area than before. This is likely to be from my PCOS, as even pre-T i had some very light facial hair (it was just enough to use mascara to darken it and pass it off as the weakest goatee in the world 🤣 but it made me happy back then. Wish i could show that little dude how he'll look 5 years later, his face would be AMAZING)

And that's about it, so far. I'm pretty ok with how things have turned out. I have to get some blood work done to check my hormone levels, I'll be updating how that's going. Will i go back on T? That's yet to be seen. Some days I feel like i want to go back on T right now. But pretty quickly i realise that no, I'm still good. It's very likely I'll go back on T in the future. How far? No idea. Could be next month. Could be next decade. But yeah. Off T for a year and I'm still no less a man. I'm very much still just Me.

I wanted to share this because it's part of my journey as a person and I also know many people think you can't go off hrt once you've started. I've seen enough people mocking others (specially binary trans people talking to nonbinary ppl) for planning on taking hormones only until certain changes happen and then stopping. I'm here, as a binary trans man, to say that's bullshit and you can do whatever you want.

I can't speak on estrogen hrt, but if you're afab planning on getting testosterone hrt for any reason, the only thing i advise if you're planning on going off after certain changes is to THOROUGHLY research what those changes will be. I've seen enough people complaining about bottom growth when that is ALWAYS the very first change. Nothing else happens as fast when you take T. Also Look at the men in your family. I was wholly, 100% aware i would go bald, i thought i was prepared for it due to knowing it would happen, but clearly i wasnt. Make an informed decision and listen to yourself if, like me, you initially thought you were Ok with a change you knew would come but when it happens you don't like it. It's ok. People change.

Be confident in yourself and your identity, nobody knows you better than you. Only you know what will make you happy.

[grubcakes]

If u don't mind would u like to share 8 of your juiciest ludwig von koopa Headcanons with me pweez 😁

HIEEE IM SO SORRY IM JUST RESPONSING TO RHIS ..., i had a response written when u sent ir and then my tumblr bugged out and got rid of it so i got mad and pretended it didnt exist. IM SO SORRYYY AHHH YES I CAN DO THIS!!

💙 ⊹₊ ⋆ Ludwig is Autistic. Because I am!! He also has BPD.. BECAUSE I DO!!! whoopee!!! He doesn't especially like being touched by people and hasn't since he was Firstborn. Every time somebody touches him, he says "Touching." in a very crabby tone (bee and puppycat reference) and stares at them until they stop touching him. Cicada is exempt from this both because he likes them and because they have soft hands so it's ok. He has a special interest in music as a whole and loves composing his own pieces!!... Many of which are unfinished because he has big boy work to take care of, and because he keeps making more. He is organized with everything but his own music ... what a goober

🎼 ⊹₊ ⋆ Lore dump for context..... Bowser made a deal with this goddess lady because she doesn't like peach (lore reasons, please ask me about it) and the deal is to capture her yadda yadda ... In exchange for his compliance, the goddess gave him the seven rainbow kids (Koopalings!! wao) so that they could assist him in his mission. Bowser, now with this new stressful mission, ended up shoving Junior in Ludwig's hands..... for a while, Ludwig was Junior's primary caretaker while Bowser was stressing over the mission and other things, and he Hated it. This was pre-transition, so Junior would call Ludwig 'mini-mama' which he hated even more. While Ludwig doesn't hold any grudges against Junior for obvious reasons, he still feels weird if he has to take care of him for any reason. (Also, Junior's favorite sibling is Ludwig.. for obvious reasons!)

🪼 ⊹₊ ⋆ All of the Koopalings and Junior watch my little pony because its goated. Ludwig's favorite is Rarity (obvious, I know).. not because they have similar personalities, but because she has impeccable fashion sense. She also mildly inspired his little interest in sewing, an interest he carries that he'd never admit to anybody but Cicada. He sewed some of the outfits they wore when they were considered a 'captive'. (He would like to get into crocheting, maybe.)

🎧 ⊹₊ ⋆ In public, he obviously likes to keep a posh and professional appearance. He rarely smiles, always looks straight ahead, never breaking eye contact when speaking (which unnerves people sometimes)... And hides his real laugh. The fake laugh he shows people is very quiet, think of like... a "hmhmhm-" or liek silverspoon from III. Buuut, if you show him something real funny, and you're not in front of anyone else........ "PFFOHOHO!!(๑`▽´๑)" !!!! (if youre in public, he tries to hold it in and he sounds like he is choking)

💠 ⊹₊ ⋆ I already kinda stated he is trans two facts ago but he is trans. His hair used to be entirely white and a little less coily and kinda droopier.... He was very sad before he transitioned. He would isolate himself much more than he does now, to the point where he wouldn't eat for days at a time sometimes. He was also much crabbier. He had frequent episodes that would result in isolation or worse (s/h) and one day he ended up exploding and having a meltdown in front of Iggy and Iggy's response was to promptly knock him out and give him both top and bottom surgery and pump him full of hormones which made him sick for like a week!!!! He obviously recovered nicely, though- he stopped isolating as much and began EATING YAY!!!.!.@?@?. After he went on hormones his hair started to turn blue. Why? lunno. Sometimes he gets a white hair every now and again (from stress) and he very quickly plucks it because 1. He's scared he'll look like how he used to and 2. Не doesn't wanna get old and wrinkly. Even tho him and Iggy have a complex rivalry brotherhood type thing going on, he will forever hold Iggy in high mental regards for playing doctor that day.

🖤 ⊹₊ ⋆ I'm sure this is a very common headcanon for him (i know it is but IDC!!) Him and Wendy are gossip buddies. They have stupid nicknames for each other to let each other know its gossip time (DeeDee and Wiggy). Obviously they hate these nicknames, but hey!! its fun. Ludwig also gets weirded out when others call him Wiggy. Roy is on thin ice because she calls him Wigzy, which is just one letter off.

🦋 ⊹₊ ⋆ Another common one obviously buuut ,,, He can play Many instruments!!! Piano, trumpet, tuba, organ, violin, viola, and saxophone. How does he get the time for all of it?? who knows!!! (he has occasional 3-am moments in his studio) ... also he wants to learn more. Cicada will eventually teach him Kalimba and Harp and this other instrument i created that doesn't have a name yet!!

🐦‍⬛ ⊹₊ ⋆ He is Romantically complicated. He's a gay man which is like semirelated butANYWAY like .... He reads romance because he feels like he has no time to feel romantic feelings. But at the same time he thinks romance is dumb and would probably waste his time, but then he also really wants to know what it's like to kiss somebody and be romantic and stuff. But also hates touching and being touched but he wants to be held. (Cue Cicada♡) He's just very complicated!!! (After he developes his weird little feelings for Cicada he feels gross and weird sometimes because he's like wow this is so weird. what is going on. why. i wanna kiss him. im gonna hurl)

THANK YOU IM SO SORRY I DIDNT RESPONS TO THIS SOONER OWJEKSBSS..,., YAYAYAYAYYY

[gryffindormarveltwilight]

All We Need - Jake Seresin x Reader - Part 4

A/N: sorry for the delay on this part I had writers block, it is a bit shorter but hopefully the next one will be longer. (it is a bit of a filler chapter) but helped with the writers block! as always any requests or feedback is always welcome.

Masterlist

Pairings: Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x fem!pilot!Benjamin!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Hospitals, Fluff, Naval Inaccuracies

I held tightly to Daisy as all four of us moved from the tarmac into the hanger.

“Javy, Jake and I are going to Daisy to the change rooms, can you let Mav and Ice know?”

Javy nodded at me before taking off towards the rec room. Jake and I continued to the change rooms, when we got there I sat her down in front of my locker both Jake and I crouching in front of her, seeing tears streaming down her face we share a concerned look before Jake starts to speak.

“Sweetie, do you want to tell us what is wrong?” She shook her head and pointed to her the right side of her tummy. “Sore tummy why didn’t you tell Ice and Sarah.” Jake continues to ask and I move my hand to her forehead which has since gone pale, I nearly retract at the heat radiating off at it. I interrupt Jake “we need to get her to the base hospital now Jake.” As Jake moves to pick her up she starts crying more and looks at us like she is going to be sick, Jake scoops her up quickly as we sprint toward the base hospital. 

“What are you thinking here Y/N?”

“Appendicitis Jake.” That prompts Jake to run even faster as we reach the hospital we run through the doors of the ER section, I quickly run to the front desk and explain the situation as doctors rush out to put Daisy on a stretcher and they wheel her through the doors to the surgery Jake and I running after her until the nurses stop us pushing us towards the waiting room. As the nurse disappears through the door I hear a sob behind me as I still stare at the doors where they took Daisy, at the sound I spin around as Jake falls into my arms burying his head in my neck.

“Jake, hey, it is going to be okay.”

“What if we didn’t get here in time or there are complications.”

“You cannot think like that at all okay, she is going to be perfectly fine okay.” Jake nods and holds me tighter before we are interrupted by a squad of aviators all with concern written across their faces, huffing and puffing. Javy moves first to hug Jake who accepts the hug without hesitation.

“Why do you guys look like you booked it across base?” Phoenix speaks up for the group.

“We saw you running and looking concerned so we followed, plus we want to meet the little munchkin.” 

“Did Coyote explain.”

“Don’t worry he didn’t go into detail just that she was Jakes little girl that you and him helped raise and I believe his exact words were - the world is Daisy’s we all just live in it.” There is laughter from the back of the group and everyone turns to see Ice and Mav giggling, they stop as soon as we see them staring and I raise an eyebrow causing Ice to stutter slightly.

“The ’86 top gun squad use to say the same about Athena, maybe she has learnt more from you than you realise.” He moves to hug me as Mav moves to Jake and gives him a hug. “So do we know what is wrong.” Jake shoots me a look that I know all too well if he tries to explain it he will break into tears.

“She should be heading into surgery if she isn’t already, appendicitis is what they think it, but all we can do is wait. You guys really do not have to wait around if you don’t want to.” Every nodded at the final statement and moved to the closer group of seats where they could all fit, Javy, Jake and I are the only ones still standing, stunned, we weren’t expecting anyone to stick around, I mean sure I was close with all of them, but as fair as I knew they severely disliked Jake and over the whole two days we had been recalled he hadn’t made much of an attempt to become friends with any of them. To my surprise it was Fanboy that spoke up.

“Don’t look so shocked Athena, we may not be Jake’s biggest fan but we are a squad and we are there when we need each other.” We cast a quick smile to everyone and move to sit, as Jake sits in a chair I elect to sit on the floor between his legs his hand began stroking my hair, I didn’t miss the looks I got from Rooster and Phoenix but ignored it instead taking a deep breath and leaning further back into Jakes touch.

It felt like we had been sitting there for hours when Payback broke the silence with a sincere and interested tone. 

“So Jake, do you want to tell us how you ended up raising Daisy with Athena and why this is the first time any of us are hearing about her.”  The rest of the squad turned to look at us as I shifted my position between his legs to make eye contact and gave him a nod of support.

“As some of you know, Athena and I grew up together and did everything together down to joining the Navy. As you all also know especially back then I used to sleep around a lot, well I had a one-night stand with a girl and nine months later I was woken to a knock at the door and the next thing I knew I was a father with full custody of a two week old child. I called Y/N, who came over helped me figure out what to do and we moved into her house and have been somewhat co-parenting for 5 years.”

“But Athena isn’t her mother.”

“No.” I say at the same time Jake responds with “Not biologically.” I look at him and feel tears well in my eyes which I quickly blink away.

“How did you manage that and both of you being in the Navy?” Rooster asked.

“It takes a village, normally we are lucky and get different deployments, but we have help from Javy, Ice, Aunt Penny, my mum and dad, Jakes and sisters when they can.” The group settled back into silence before Bob spoke up again.

“If its okay with you we would like to meet her.” I smiled and nodded at him before looking at Jake who looked shocked again.

“Ummm yeah, of course, if that’s okay with her.”

I stand and head towards the vending machine, I didn’t realise Jake got up and followed.

“Y/N,” I turn and look at him, “Its been an hour how long will this take.”

“I don’t know Jake, I really don’t.” My voice breaks slightly and Jake pulls me into a tight hug. “We need to speak about Daisy calling me Mom.”

“I know, I mean I would be lying if I said I wanted her to stop but you really are the closest thing she has.”

“But I am not her mother Jake,” 

“But you are Y/N, in every way that matters.”

“She doesn’t have to stop but she has to understand that if you meet someone that I may need to step back.”

“That isn’t happening anytime soon so we can explain it later yeah.” I lift my head to make eye contact before pressing my head back into his chest.

We are pulled out of our hug hearing the doctor walk through the door.

“Family of Daisy Seresin?” Jake and I both move toward her, Javy, Ice and Mav close behind, “she is going to be just fine, you were right bringing her here the appendix was close to bursting, for now she is still asleep but if you want, Mom and Dad can go sit with her, room 212.” We didn’t bother correcting her just thanked her and raced towards the room.

Third Person POV (Back with the Squad)

The squad watched as Athena and Hangman ran towards the room Phoenix spoke first. 

“They would make a cute couple.” 

“Ew, Phoenix, that is my sister and well Hangman.” The whole group laughed at Roosters response.

“Well squad, I think we can take the rest of the day off now, go to the Hard Deck relax, back up in the air tomorrow. Javy can you…” Mav started.

“On it Sir, I will get them some clothes fill them in on tomorrow.”

“Just get them clothes, be there for your niece, I will talk to them about tomorrow.” Javy nods and heads towards the car. As the rest of the group started to make their ways to the door of the hospital they were stopped by a frantic voice calling out to them, they spin to see a disheaveled Hangman.

“Hangman what are you doing you should be with your daughter.” Rooster spoke.

“I just, I wanted to say thank you, I know you don’t like me but Y/N and I we appreciate you being here for us, and we would love for you to meet her when she is feeling better.” Bob walks up in front of Hangman, and pulled him into a hug.

“We will always help out especially with family. I think your daughter has just gained a crazy lot of Aunts and Uncles.”

“Bobs right Hangman, we are here for you and for Athena.” Phoenix continues. Everyone gives Hangman a hug before exiting the hospital, leaving only Mav and Ice.

“Mav, Ice, thank you for being here and Ice thank you for bringing her to us today.”

“Of course Jake you know I would do anything for those two girls.”

“Um Mav, I think I will need to withdraw from this mission, the docs are saying she will need at least a week of recovery.”

“Absolutely not Jake.” Ice and Mav say at the same time.

“We will work something out, you and Y/N can do half a day each for the rest of this week, then you have the weekend off that is six days, then she can come and spend the days with me and Sarah.”

“Ice, as much as I appreciate that I don’t think Cyclone would agree.”

“No but he will take orders.” Hangman doesn’t respond just shakes the two older mens hand before heading back in the direction where he had come and back to his daughters and best friends side

Taglist: @dory-98 @djs8891 @brooke-stinson

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

In "Kalim's Harem", if our Sunshine Boy was a Trans Boy, what do you think each of the boys would react to when they found out?

AWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

So I have a lot of TWST trans headcanons so first off I'll name my personal ones (reminder everyone these are my headcanons if you don't agree or like then that's fine, you have your thoughts I have mine)

Riddle is FtM transgender who I sometimes swap in headcanon as nonbinary

Ace if FtM transgender who just got his top surgery before NRC

Cater's Cater and we all should be happy for it ^w^

Both Jade and Floyd are Intersex

Azul's nonbinary to me (I dunno octopi's anatomy is weird and I love it)

Jamil's Nonbinary but didn't come out until after Chapter 6

Vil is a genderqueen GOD

Epel's FtM transgender

Neige's in the closet of questioning (I have always been open with headcanons of him from him being trans, aroace, vegan, secretly a bitch, so that's why I wrote it like that. He's still learning things outside scripts and knowing himself)

Idia I always view as questioning but doesn't really care about pronouns, just doesn't want to deal with the whole thing of picking where he is and coming out

Same for Ortho but Ortho's just happy being Ortho

Lilia's a nonbinary bad-ass FIGHT ME

And sadly I'm not going to use my OCs Arie and Giles in this or @gay-salt-amber's OCs Esther and Amyir for this ask since the tags are glitchy for me but Esther's a beautiful wonderful enby vampy and Amyir is one hella fine and sweet Genderfluid demon

NOW ONTO THE HEADCANONS!

I think it's safe to assume Jamil knew for years

Unless you want to go the route Jamil started as Kalim's servant "friend" after he started going by he/him

In Night Raven, Kalim was very happy to be himself, but that didn't stop the slight fear of changing and someone comments on his body somehow or if someone finds his T-Shots or binder

Once he started attending classes and club activities, he started to learn he's not the only one who's different, which ease his heart and mind a bit

If Jamil knew, Jamil helped Kalim is so much of the transitioning and being carefully, even being the one who'd have to tell the teachers about it for Kalim after Kalim gave him permission, just so something comes up they can know how to handle it (periods, a malfunction with his binder or packer, someone said something, etc.)

If Jamil doesn't know, Kalim feels HORRIBLE hiding such a huge thing from his best friend

Once he started dating his lovers he became very aware he needs to come out to them properly

He does at his dorm

They all hug him and thank him for telling him

They all make sure Kalim's comfortable and not being harassed or feeling discomfort

The main protectors: Jamil, Riddle, Leona, Floyd, Rook, Sebek, and Lilia

Silver and Deuce are the worrying partners over every small thing

Ace, Riddle, and Epel are always prepared for any form of discomfort and dysphoria when it comes, also Trey and Cater but that's thanks to being here so long

Malleus once threw a dude who commented on Kalim's binder one hot day. He didn't know what it was and was confused why he was yeeted

Rollo's a bit confused by the term but he does lots of research and Kalim's open for any questions he has

One time Kalim got a few whiskers on his chin and he eagerly showed it off and was showered by so many compliments

Lowkey inspired by a real thing with my friend, Kalim had to use the foam version of his T-Shots and luckily hasn't ran out yet

When Jamil came out Kalim went shopping with him to help ease him and show he has an ally

Kind of saucy but Chenya once felt bolt and ask Kalim what sexual things are okay with and that unlocked like 10 to 20 minutes of a deep conversation of the subject cause turns out Kalim never thought of that before

The explore it safely and done very scary yet strong search results on the internet, communication is key in the end my friends

[ace-but-not-a-pilot]

Hello, mutual reporting in for "doing whatever they want to you" duty 🫡 what I want to do tonight is tell you about my specialest little guy main characters I made for two video games 😌

On one hand we have Constant, my BG3 Tav, tiefling druid who likes being there for people, predictability and routine, and is very curious. On the other hand we have Solaros, my DA:tV Rook, an elven mage who's still Becoming Someone because we're like three quests and maybe 10h into the game, but who's shaping up to be a bit of a freak who prefers talking things through before getting into a fight and gets snarky when he maybe shouldn't. And they were both made with "what is coolest to me" as their main design criteria, as is the tradition when making my first character in a video game where you can make your guy (this means yellow-orange-y tiefling for Constant, pink and purple heterochromia elf for Solaros, and magic users for both)

Knowing this about them, I will set the scene that I've been daydreaming about for a few days on and off: imagine you are Some Guy who was just chilling at home, but then you get kidnapped by aliens and now you're on a quest to not turn into a weird tentacled alien, and also help some people along the way, because apparently you and the like six weirdos you're friends (??) with are adventurers now. And so you're about to go explore an abandoned temple, or a cave, or free a kid from harpies, whatever, and you got to bed after a quiet evening getting to know your travelling companions. And then you wake up, and you aren't in your tent, you're in a bedroom you've never seen, and you look like an elf with strange scars on your face, and when you get out of that room there's strangers sitting around a table talking strategy, and they and call you by a name you've never gone by, and act like they know you, and look up to you to lead them, but you've never met them.

Imagine you're from a race widely enslaved, but you were rediscovering your ancient magical culture up until last year, where you got recruited to help prevent one of your ancient gods (who's also some guy?) from messing with the fabric of reality, before succeeding but not 100%, and now you're recruiting people from all over the world to help with killing a few gods to maintain the fabric of reality. And so you're about to go make some headway on stopping the gods from fucking up the whole world, and you go to bed after a nice dinner where you talk about silly stuff with your new buddies, to get to know each other. And then you wake up, and you've got horns and a tail, and you're in a tent in a camp full of people who call you by a name you've never gone by, and act like they know you, and look up to you to lead them, but you've never met them.

Anyway so I think they should have a Your Name-esque thing going on except they're mostly just buddies. Because on top of being protagonists who are running around with their half-dozen of kooky companions trying to fight god(s), they are actually kind of similar! Constant was presented with the singular deity ("deity"...) of an alien race one of his friends belongs to, and they waved to her, and Solaros would do the same. Solaros was told by a high military authority he was spreading dangerous rumors and that he'd be sent to prison, and he went "um, no", and Constant also would "nuh-huh" someone like that.

Also they have the same taste in men (because I romanced my favorite companion with them both and I have a specific type in men. That type is "I can fix him", rogue type, traumatic past, acespec, "there are many straight women who want them to be daddy doms but I think they should get a hug and a blanket". Y'know, Astarion and Lucanis) And they're both not cis (Veilguard lets you do that!! meaningfully!! I'm roleplaying a trans guy!! in the game!! not just cosmetic top surgery!! he's talking about it in dialogue!!!). They should have weird bodyswapping shenanigans going on for a while and then they should be buddies, is my point.

Anyway so hi, hello, that was the pilot episode of me doing whatever I want to you. Tune in next time if we get the green light for... well, I can offer more OCs, or media opinions, or a doodle or two, or you can start on a specific topic if you'd like. Bye bye, a good timezone to you, and thanks for the space to type out my thoughts 😌

It's like reading a light novel, I want to steal your people and ideas now! I've got no experience in Dragon Age and I've played maybe a couple hours of BG3 at most, but it all sounds absolutely fascinating!

Obviously, every OC, especially game OCs, should follow the "what's coolest to me" rules. I usually go for whichever person would experience the most struggle in any given setting myself, and I love making characters extreme underdogs that have to rely on unconventional methods of achieving their solutions.

I love body swapping stuff, especially when the people don't know each other. I don't know why but it has always had a major appeal to me (probably because of memory loss or something idk) so I really really like the direction you're taking this story. Especially with people that act just similar enough that their peers wouldn't fully believe that they weren't just having an off day. The more I think about your story, the more I start to get in the mindset, it sounds awesome and like it'd be full of metaphors and that it'd make a great piece of written or spoken work, I'm in love <3333

Please continue to share anything and everything, I think it's all so fascinating and amazing and I want it injected into my bones <3333

[purecancellation]

jack in the box (mascot) x trans male reader

i hate tumblr. but the people who love this man are on tumblr. so here you are.

tags; smut (first time writing it), oral, cunnilingus, thighs, slight boot worship, neck kissing. thx

word count; 2,846

*can be read as gender neutral-- one masculine term appears and top surgery is mentioned.

--

As crisp air brushed past my skin, my eyes turned toward the front door. Jack walked through, expression tired and unfocused. He hung his coat up and rolled his shoulders, a light cracking sound in my ears.

“Oh, hun, was work alright?” He turned towards me, a smile slithering onto his face. “Yes, it went quite okay. Just a long shift, that’s all.” His hands snuck their way to my waist, holding me close to him. “I missed you,” he pressed a kiss to my forehead, “I've been itching to see you since I stepped foot in the restaurant.”

A soft giggle left my throat, fingertips dancing along his broad arms. “That long, huh?”

“Mhm, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.”

“Should I make dinner, maybe? Or get you a drink?”

“No, I ate before leaving. There might be something else you can get me, though.”

His formerly sour utterance had been replaced by a playful appearance, mouth upturned in a smirk. Jack rested his head lightly on the side of mine, chin resting upon my shoulder. His hands continued to hold me, but they slid towards the hem of my shirt, thumbs slipping under.

My voice was a whisper, “Jack…”

“Yes, darling?” he spoke in a tired, tempting tone.

“It’s late, are you sure you’re awake enough for this?” I questioned. His head moved away from the crook of my neck, eyes now staring directly toward mine. Jack didn’t have the most expressive face, but it was evident he appreciated me looking out for him.

“Hah. I suppose I could muster the willpower,” he joked, “are you okay with that?” He punctuated that remark with a kiss.

I nodded, mouth finding his, hands now around his head. It continued for a beat, until I slid down to his neck, lips sucking a bruise into the delicate skin. My left hand lay on his nape, rubbing soft circles into the side. A soft sound made its way from Jack’s mouth, making my brain fuzzy. It was cute how vulnerable he got sometimes. It was usually when he came home from a less-than-favorable day at work, all that stress building up in him. His pain tolerance wasn’t low by any means, but sometimes it knocked the wind from him, seeing as he was shaking after a few marks, eyes clamped shut and hands grasping tighter and tighter around me.

“Dear,” he mumbled, head thrown back from bearing his neck to me, “can– can we take this somewhere besides the living room?”

His remark brought me out of the trance I fell into, my brain finally registering that we hadn’t left the entryway. I stumbled back slightly, Jack’s hands preventing me from going far. His neck adorned blooming bruises, only soft violet at the moment.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, head lolled to the side, neck still on display.

“Yes– yes. I just…”

“Got too excited?”

I cracked a smile, “Yeah.”

Straightening my back, I lifted Jack’s hands from my body, instead holding his wrist and leading him to our bedroom. The excited laugh that came from him was already worth it, the sound of it lighting up something inside of me, something that wanted to hear that laugh over and over. He wasn’t a very business-casual guy, always showing a full range of emotion, but he didn’t usually let his guard down in our more intimate moments when we first got together. It felt special being able to hear those noises now, they spurred me on more than anything.

I pulled him to the edge of our bed, motioning for him to sit. As I kneeled between his spread legs, Jack started to ask what I was doing– I didn’t answer. I leaned a small ways away, hands lifting his right shoe onto my knee. He usually wore black dress shoes, shiny and pointed at the toe. My fingers traced lightly along the material, stopping at the laces to carefully untie them. Lifting the shoe from his foot, I placed it to the side and repeated the action to his left. He isn’t sure why I do silly things like that, and frankly neither do I. But, it was something nice I could do for him, and that’s all that mattered.

Leaning back towards him, my hands held tight onto his thighs, sharp nails eliciting a pained response. “May I?” I asked, hands rubbing their way toward his belt. There was a small ‘mhm’ in response. The belt made a clink as I unfastened it, tugging it out of the loops which held it in place. The leather was smooth against my hands as I placed it on the ground near his shoes. My pointer and thumb pulled his zipper down, hands hastily taking off the dark dress pants he often wore. Now, Jack was left in his cream-colored button-up and boxers, hands placed behind him in a placating gesture. He stared down at me, eyes half-lidded, a sight which excited me only further. His erection was prominent now, dick straining against his underwear, just begging to be released. I took my time, mouth skittering along his legs, teeth biting into the insides of his them. Jack had, undoubtedly, a huge thing for thighs. He preferred to be the one worshipping them, but sometimes switching it up on him elicited a pleasurable response. While sucking bruises into the meat of his legs, a symphony of noises came from the man above me. I could treat any other part of his body like this, and even then he wouldn’t react quite like this. The thought, sight, and feeling of harming a part of somebody that is so painfully close to their groin made him feral in a sense. Jack’s hands tightened around the loose sheet below him, a sound faint compared to those made from his squirming.

“You– hah, you know I love this, sweetheart, but it may be too m–” his words got cut off, I assume his mouth clamped shut in a hiss as my teeth hit a spot right on the edge of his boxers. It was a hard bite, harder than I intended, and a slight metallic taste coated my mouth.

I pulled away from his legs, “Oh, God, I’m sorry.”

Jack just laughed, voice low and cut up, “I’ll forgive you if you take off my boxers, it’s starting to–" he jutted his hips up slightly, "–hurt,”

“Oh, of course,” I breathed, hands pulling down the waistband and letting them pool around his legs. He lifted his feet so I could toss them in the pile of already discarded clothing. His erection now stood at full attention, pre-ejaculate dripping lightly from the tip. My voice was light, lips grinning, “Geez, all this time and I’m still not accustomed to the sight of you.” My hands roamed his lower body, fingers dipping into his v-line before resting on the sides of his hard-on. After a moment, which I assume felt like hours to him, my lips placed a loving kiss on the top of the head, a familiar taste in my mouth.

“Please, oh please dear,”

It was rare that he pleaded for something– especially in such a tone. Caving, I brought my hand to stroke down his length, mouth slowly sinking onto him. I took my time to ensure I wouldn’t choke. Jack held back a groan, his leg tensing beneath my non-dominant hand. As my head sank lower, my other palm rested on the opposite leg, my tongue spreading to the parts I couldn’t reach. He snuck one of his hands into my hair, gripping my scalp light enough to guide me through the motions.

The scene played out similarly for several minutes, Jack teetering closer to his climax as my spit coated him, my fingers close enough that I could feel the saliva drip from my lips down onto his leg.

“I’m– oh, haah, can you take it all the way, hun?”

My lack of reaction was a response to him, a ‘yes’. It wasn’t because he ignored me, or I ignored him; it was non-verbal communication. I’d tap on any part of him I could reach if it was a no, as I can’t exactly speak when he’s preventing me from doing so. Jack’s hand pushed me lower, lower, lower, my mouth filled as my lips met the base, and my fingers clenched as I attempted not to convulse around him. As I stayed there, his hips twitched up into my mouth trying to get more out of it. I tapped his leg, a sign to let me up, and a slick pop was heard as he did so. The man above me bit back a whine, his grip digging into my head, hips lifted ever-so-slightly into the air.

“You’ll get to climax, you’re fine. But at least let me take my pants off.” I spoke, tone light and poking fun at his desperation. Standing, I met the man on our bed, his hands finding my belt immediately. Unbuckling it, he pulled it out and quickly tossed it to the floor, ignoring wherever it landed. I lifted my shirt over my head, and Jack followed suit by loosening his tie and unbuttoning his blouse. Kicking my cargo pants off, I brought my hand to his face and leaned him into a gentle kiss, fingers tracing patterns into every inch of skin reachable. Jack tilted his body towards me, legs finding their spot on the outside of mine.

He broke away, “I’ve seen you like this so many times, yet– God– you are still just so good-looking.”

I let my back hit the bed, body now flat against it. His head leaned down towards mine, next to my ear, asking softly for permission to touch me. “Yes,” I let out, voice clouded with desire. Jack knows I don’t like jumping the gun, instead taking my time to feel things out, which applied to any situation, including sexual ones. He, on the other hand, is impatient, wanting to run immediately into everything. But, he adjusts himself for me. Even if he’s tired, even if he’s pent up, even if he’s being pissy– he’ll gain some magical patience.

His fingers traced my collarbones, running then lower, nails skittering along the scars adorning my chest. When he first saw them, he reacted in a way different from those before him: “It– it’s okay. I don’t mind them, really. This isn’t gonna change anything, it won’t, I promise. Just let me take care of you, okay?” Upon hearing that, I hadn’t known how to react. I did what he asked, though, and let him take the lead. Others I’d slept with before him preferred me to keep my shirt on and hide the marks, or they told me to lay on my stomach so we didn’t face one another. After so long, it felt normal, my feelings being disregarded. Jack doesn’t do that. He will go out of his way to make sure that I feel safe. It’s sweet. He’s sweet.

Snapping back to reality, I noticed my hands holding an area of sheet that was under my waist and my legs were being held apart by Jack’s knees. He went from straddling me to instead both of his legs in between mine and his hands continuing to spread across my body like I was a treasure you’d find in old ruins or a new toy you’d receive on Christmas. Sliding down to my waist and then my hips, his fingers tangled in the fuzz I neglected to shave, hands going oh-so-slow.

“Jack, just a little lower, please?” I requested, eyes only open enough to see a sliver of his face, a daunting smile occupying it.

“If you’ll look at me while I do it,”

I wasn’t a fan of him asking that, but I did so anyways, head jerking to face him head-on, eyes opened as far as they could be.

“You listen to directions so well,” he taunted. “Good man.”

A whine left my mouth at that, legs attempting to clench together despite the obstacle between them. Jack let out a laugh. His dominant hand slithered lower between my thighs, his thumb brushing over a spot that had me slapping my palm down onto my mouth and my hips bucking up and against the new-found friction. His lightly calloused thumb rubbed the spot continuously, his head falling to the crook of my neck to whisper sweet nothings. As I writhed beneath him, the flat of my hand unable to suppress my noises, his pointer finger slid across my slit. It was over from there. I instinctively bit down on the corner of my hand, legs shaking and head spinning, my eyes now clenched shut and unable to face any part of him.

“Calm down… That’s it. Just concentrate, dear.”

His voice was a calming whisper against my ear, my movements slowing slightly as he eased his own. Just as he removed his thumb from the nub, his finger once again rubbed against my opening, the messy liquid no doubt coating it.

“I’m going to fuck you on my fingers now, mhm?”

“God, yeah,” I rushed, ears ringing softly. His vulgar words shot a burst of heat through my body, my left hand hugging the covered mattress tightly.

Two fingers prodded at the entrance, his middle and ring, slipping in with ease. He brought them in and out slowly, letting me adjust, his soothing voice talking me through it. I bucked my hips against his hand, my groin rubbing against his palm, granting me delicious friction. Jack’s body was pressed almost exactly to mine, making it difficult to move much. He spread his knees apart, taking my legs with it, and lifted his head from my neck. Even with him off of me, the small of my back arched upwards, body heat being shared between us.

“Look at me,” he said, more of a statement than a request.

A whine left my throat, eyes fluttering open, my palm still held against my mouth.

“And let me hear your voice, honey.”

The sentence took a second to even register in my head, hand slowly retracting back to my side. I fought back the urge to bite my lip, instead letting the venereal mumbling play through the room. Softly, almost too low to hear it, he thanked me for my cooperation.

He shifted his weight, one of his legs going outside of mine, left hand now positioned on the headboard above me to hold himself up. His hand continued thrusting, fingers occasionally stroking against a spot that elicited crude sounds from my throat. My eyes were unfocused and struggled to stay open. A cacophony of begging and pleas left my lips, the words broken up by unintentional moans. Jack was saying something above me, but I stopped listening once he sped up his movements, my mind too cloudy to think.

“Haah– Jack, Jack,” I swallowed, hard, “I’m going to– nnh–” my sentence was cut off by a groan, my face turning to the side, a slight line of drool dribbling from my lips and moistening the sheet below.

“Yeah? Then do it.”

His voice was harsh and he spoke quickly. The hinted desperation in it set something off in me, my body clenching around his fingers, a full-throated sob leaving me before I could stop it. Jack’s hand was slick with the aftermath and he hit inside of me a couple of times before letting me go limp on the bed. It was hard to register much. I did notice, however, that Jack hadn’t orgasmed yet. I came to that conclusion when he positioned himself above me, dominant hand feeling up his dick and eventually stroking it harshly. His hand was already lubed because of me, so the strokes made prominent, wet skin-on-skin sounds. Since I edged him so close earlier, he had no problem getting to his climax now, low whines leaving him as a warm liquid spurted across my abdomen.

I shut my eyes, my body feeling fuzzy and light. My attention was cut as I focused on my breathing, not noticing when Jack got up to get a wet rag. He came back to clean up, the washcloth a comfortable roughness against my skin as it wiped away the dried seminal fluids. He discarded it on our nightstand and grabbed a blanket, coming back to lie next to me.

“Was that okay?” he asked, hand pulling the comforter up and over us. He laid his hand across my stomach, thumb rubbing my skin lightly.

My head turned to look at him, a smile creeping onto my face. “Yeah, hon. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, that makes it sound like a favor. But, thank you for dealing with me.”

“Wouldn’t want to handle anybody else.”

Jack chuckled at that, his head nudging itself against mine, hands wrapped around my body. I hummed lightly, bringing my hand up to hold one of his. Nothing else was said. We fell asleep in delicate silence.

ok a/n theres meant to be italics and stuff but god im not gonna put those back in. too much work