#i got nostalgia for this blog like a day ago

[tteokdoroki]

IF IT’S ONLY A TOUCH…AITA? - satoru gojo.

✩ — about. “but one day, she just grew up…and i haven’t been able to look at her the same.” satoru gojo never meant to fuck his best friend’s little sister. he never meant to make her fall in love him. he never meant to fall in love with her. satoru doesn’t want anyone to know, suguru has no idea and she wants to tell the whole world…does that make him the asshole? … ( 46.5K )

✩ — warnings. minors, blank and ageless blogs do not interact! nsfw, smut, angst with a bittersweet ending. college!au, age gaps ( reader is 22, satoru gojo is 27 ), forbidden romance, toxic relationships, situationships, co-dependency ( on suguru geto ), controlling older brother, panic attacks, violence, fight scenes, arguments, alcohol mentions, smoking weed, manipulation, gaslighting, three smut scenes, spit, praise, dumbification, fingering (f!receiving), hand jobs (m!receiving), pussy jobs, dry humping, hold the moan, light!choking, light!oral-fixation, public sex, bathroom sex, clothed sex, unprotected sex, oral sex (f + m!receiving), overstimulation, orgasm control, multiple orgasms, creampies, adopted geto!reader, fem!reader.

✩ — things to note. my entry for @ohkento ‘s reddit collab ! i’d like to thank everyone for their patience with this labour of love. it was first a silly idea that blossomed into something more complex and beautiful. i love this fic so much and i hope you do too!! special thanks to @todorosie for beta reading n all your encouragement!! and to @rinhaler for the sukuna reference hehe <3 - m.list ⋆ playlist ⋆ read on ao3 ! ִ ࣪𖤐₊ ⊹

AITA (27M) FOR FUCKING MY BEST FRIEND'S (26M) LITTLE SISTER (22F)? hey reddit. i’ll get straight into it. i met my best friend, we’ll call him S, when we were kids, as young as five i guess, and we’ve been inseparable ever since. he was there for me at my lowest, and right by my side at my highest. i’ve never been the greatest person…but there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for me and vice versa. that’s why i feel so bad. he’s got this younger sister, i used to find her so annoying, but one day… she just grew up and i haven’t been able to look at her the same. we started fooling around two years ago around the time she’d settled into college but decided to keep it a secret from her brother. now she’s graduated from college and wants to take the next step… TLDR: we’ve been fucking around for two years but now she’s graduated and is ready to be more serious with our relationship. she wants to tell her brother — i’m unsure. AITA?

coming back home after four years of brutal education, late nights studying and heavy textbooks feels… almost comforting. 

sure, you’ve been home for the holidays before, and sometimes between semesters when things got a little bit rough. but this time around, being home feels more like a relief — an aura of permanency surrounding the occasion. at home, there’s home cooked meals instead of stale take-out and the house you’ve been raised in smells of warm spices rather than the unpleasant combination of old beer and dorm parties. 

there’s peace in being at home instead of college after four long years. it’s rewarding almost, to know that you’re welcomed back into the arms of the people who love you most after years of blood, sweat and tears. you’ve made it. you’re on the other side. you’ve got a degree under your belt and a bright, prosperous future ahead of you. 

letting out a determined huff, you throw your suitcases down onto the end of your bed — pushed up against the window of your childhood bedroom. the walls are a colour you no longer like (lime green… what were you thinking?) plastered with posters from groups you no longer listen to and movies you would only watch for comfort now that you’re a little bit older. nostalgia is warm under your skin as you look around at your teenage safe space, until your big doe eyes land on your sticker covered closet. 

being home for just the weekend, you thought you’d kill two birds with one stone. unpack the clothes you no longer need at your college dorm whilst joining your parents for a celebration. they had wanted you to come down from your university town in order to commemorate the end of your degree, since they’ll be abroad on business for your graduation ceremony in a few months time. not to mention, the outstanding job offer you’d received not long after being awarded  your final marks. 

your brother, suguru, would be joining you for the weekend as well. temporarily taking up space in his own childhood bedroom just across the hall — the keep out sign with black and yellow restricted tape still hanging from the white wooden door. geto had long since moved out of your parents place, what with him being five years older than you. he now had a job in the city as a big shot lawyer with hardly any time for his little sister anymore. so the fact that he was making the trip down just to celebrate you meant more than you could put into words.

he hadn’t arrived yet, however, and your parents were busy downstairs sorting out your favourite home cooked dinner (oxtail, a favourite) to care about what you were up to — leaving you to unpack in comfortable solitude. you decide to start with your night clothes, the darkness of the winter’s evening starting to bleed into the purple painted sky. you’ll be sleepy soon, no doubt. 

turning your back on the window, you move to set your toiletries and a fresh pair of pyjamas on the back of your desk chair — hardly noticing the way the window panes creak open, accompanied by the chill of a light december breeze. the gentle tread of footsteps across your carpeted floor go without attention as well, you’re too occupied with sorting through your things to pay attention to anything. not until it’s too late. 

“boo!”

large and possessive hands on your hips make you jump in fright, relaxing only when you hear the familiar teasing baritone against the shell of your ear. “did you miss me?” gojo purrs, using his hold on the flesh at your waist to spin you around to face him. your palms settle on the broad spread of his sturdy shoulders while his fingers dip into the back pocket of your low-waist jeans — leaving very little room between your bodies.

“satoru!” you exhale sincerely with the wisps of a smile spreading across your lips and twitching at the corner of your mouth. “what are you doing here? when did you get back?” like butter in a heated pan, you melt into the man’s arms, those same arms wrapping around your waist fully to pull you further into him. you feel dumb and lovestruck, tucked into the plushness of gojo’s chest as if you’d never left. 

“i couldn't miss my special girl’s special weekend, now could i?” the toothy smirk satoru gives you is enough to make your knees knock and you’re reminded that you’re lucky enough to be held up in his arms. happiness simmers hotly through your veins at the thought. a million and one girls would kill to be in your position, to have a man as handsome as the satoru gojo in their bedroom, all alone, sapphire blue eyes honed in on you and only you. 

he’s unlike any man you’ve ever met before. he’s so beautiful, not just anyone will do if it ever came to replacing him. he’s tall enough to tower over you, and make you feel small in a way that isn’t terrible at all. his hair is as white as winter frosts and unfairly soft for someone who probably doesn’t take as much care for it as he should. his lashes flutter against your forehead, long and to die for. satoru gojo is a beauty if you ever saw one — and you find yourself grateful to keep him all to yourself. in this moment. of course.

the look he gives you itself is enough to keep you alive, make your cheeks tingle with heat just under the skin, make you feel like a schoolgirl about to give a note to her crush. but a million and one girls don’t have to hide their crushes or keep them secret, their relationships probably aren’t as complex or confusing as your own with the man before you.

things with gojo have always been weird…ever since you were young. he found you annoying and whiny, back then, he along with your adoptive brother would pick on you until your eyes were big and shiny and your nose a little snotty. in those times, suguru (who babied you too much for your own good on occasion) often followed his best friend’s lead, maybe because satoru was older (despite them both being five years ahead of you in age) and the more dominating personality of the two best friends. it was easy to think that he might have even despised you then, or to imagine that suguru would grow up adoring you. yet, for satoru, it all changed one summer after your eighteenth birthday, when you just… shot up. you filled out, your demeanour changed, you became everything that he ever wanted. 

satoru was spoilt. he always had been, even from childhood. the gojo clan had built an empire and he was right at the heart of it as soon as he left college. the white haired man with the dazzling rows of perfect teeth had all the money and power in the world — right in the palm of his dangerous hands. obtaining what he wanted was as easy as snapping his fingers, and in an instant he could have all the booze and babes he desired. whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. the issue with being a man of satoru gojo’s calibre is the difficulty in drawing a line in the sand and knowing when to stop. men like him have everything, but only desire what they can’t have. 

he only desires you.

see, early on in his friendship with your brother, suguru had given satoru one plain and simple rule. one that he could never break so long as he walked god’s green earth and breathed fresh air into his lungs. 

suguru had made him promise never to go near you, sexually or romantically. 

they’d known one another their entire lives, been together through thick and thin, ups and downs. if anyone knew what the real satoru gojo was really like… it would be your brother. he had seen every arc of gojo like the phases of the moon up above. satoru was a partier, he drank until his veins were 50% alcohol and poured the bourbon until all of his organs were burned black. he smoked away his burdens, numbing his brain with whatever he could get his hands on. people, back in college, were just as disposable to gojo as his father’s income and even now, with his position at the heart of Gojo Corporations — satoru was no more stable than a drowning child, struggling to keep his head above the water and air in his scarred lungs. 

he was in no position to look out for you like suguru did. to the older geto, you were a prized possession and a treasure to be cherished. his innocent baby sister who was too sweet for the hard liquor gojo drank by the gallons and the papers that knew to tear him apart by name. you needed someone to rely on, someone to look out for you when the world gets tough and the rose tinted glass ceiling shatters down on you. suguru had tried his hardest to shield to growing up, becoming partly responsible for your dependence on him. 

he learned how to braid your hair and cook the foods you liked before moving to japan for your adoption. when he wasn’t being mean to you along with satoru, suguru cared for you deeply. he was a good adoptive brother.

so, it was a wonder how you even managed to get into and go to university all on your own — without your older brother’s watchful eye to keep you safe from the dangers of men, sex and money.

and gojo, being gojo, was never a stickler for the rules. he’d innocently reached out to you once you’d settled into college, under the guise of checking on his best friend’s little sister. much to his amusement, you’d already broken out of the safety net your brother had cast over you — you were more brazen and adventurous, sleeping around between study sessions and partying when you’d told your family you were tired from the week’s work. 

before anyone knew it, you’d become the college girl who liked to be wined and dined by older men — presenting the perfect opportunity for satoru to sweep you off your feet. 

texts to check on you every once in a while became calls to ask about your day and wish each other good morning and good night. these little things, as sweet as they might have seemed, snowballed into something bigger. something more. at least to you. you were falling in love with satoru gojo, and fast. it was the first time you’d ever felt like that towards someone, and he’d gotten you right where he wanted you. 

it wasn’t long before you were paying off your dorm mates to keep quiet about having an older man over, no less gojo. you were naive but not stupid, it wouldn’t take an idiot to know that geto had people keeping an eye on you nor that money was what made the world go round — people would do anything for a hefty price or designer bag. they kept their lips sealed each and every time gojo swung by your dorm to pin your knees to your ears and fuck you raw until your voice was hoarse and there was a dent in your wall from the force of his thrusts against the bed frame. 

satoru had been the one to take your virginity, of course. suguru would have had an aneurism if he ever found out.

and while you loved the thrill of sneaking around with someone older, someone who seemed to know the world better than you ever could, someone who excited you — there were times where you wished your heart hadn’t chosen the enigma that is satoru gojo. your relationship with him ruined the little time you had to explore yourself in college. he knew all of your friends, he knew all of the boys in your classes and the ones that dared to hang out with you outside of them. he sometimes paid them off to break your heart or cheat on you just so that you’d go running back into his arms — bleary eyed and emotionally drained.

satoru knew about your every move — the parties you went to and the socials you attended. you were never able to mess around with people, not with the tabs he had on you. silly little you, don’t you know? you’re satoru’s property. 

the worst thing he could have done to you is fail to put a label on your relationship. you were never his girlfriend and he would always dance around the question like he was avoiding a bullet to the chest. ‘what are we?’ you would ask, and like always, satoru would grin lazily and slowly — in the way that brews a hazy fog over your mind and respond with. ‘whatever you want me to be.’

what you wanted was something official. not to be satoru’s little pet, hidden away from the rest of the world while in private he promises you that you’re the only girl he’s ever loved. it hit hardest whenever you would go to visit him, noting another’s car in the driveway that wasn’t yours or satoru’s. you knew that you never meant much…but in actuality it was slowly killing you now. he gave you comfort, gave you warmth but whenever you woke, he was gone by the morning. that’s how it always was. 

a piece of you threatened to crumble each and every time your lover was plastered over the tabloids and gossip magazines with another heiress. you wanted to tell the world that you were his and he was yours. you wanted suguru to know too. 

oftentimes, satoru would ease your worries with a simple toe curling and mind numbing kiss to your butter-glossed lips, uttering the words ‘but, wouldn’t that ruin our little secret?’ 

the very secret made you feel dirty and used. 

if satoru didn’t let you, then you could never bring yourself to tell suguru. it would break his heart, his entire soul to know that his angelic little sister was taking her eyes off of the very expensive prize of her university degree. and so, the track of your fragmented relationship (situationship?) with your mischievous white haired lover replays over and over again like a broken record — scratched and scathed. 

satoru comes over, you fight or cry, and he ends up balls deep inside of you — creaming your little cunt in a hotel off campus or paying off your friends to spend your night in your dorm again. 

when you finally graduated, you remember one of said friends asking. ‘will you ever go public with that… guy you’re always fucking? i mean… he practically lives with you.’

at the time, you’d pressed your lips into a thin and telling line. you couldn’t. you wouldn’t. they’d laughed about it then and you knew what conclusions were running through their minds. what a dumb, naive little rich girl, for thinking she was anything more than a sidechick. 

if only you could just show them the lengths satoru would go to be with you in the secrecy of your own little bubble. 

like right now.

“sweetheart, where’d you go?” cocking his head down at you, satoru’s sugarcoated, sickly sweet coo runs through your ears like molten sugar and drags you from the depths of deep thought. he clicks his teeth, using a thumb and forefinger to tilt your head up in order to face him — positioning you like his own marionette doll. “came all this way to see you, only for you to get lost in that pretty little head of yours.”

it’s patronising, the way he speaks to you as if you’re a child — but it’s all you’ve ever known. being babied by your lover and even your brother. “s-sorry! i was just… thinking…” you supply as a meek excuse, shuddering when gojo slips a thumb over the slightly cracked skin of your bottom lip. the impending winter’s cold had been nipping at it in his place.

“about me?”

you scoff playfully, begrudgingly pulling yourself from satoru’s grip before he makes your brain too overcast to even focus about unpacking. “about graduation. i can’t believe it’s all over.” 

returning to unfolding some casual wear left in your bag, your mind begins to wander if satoru misses you as much as you miss him whenever you’re not touching. your skin feels alive, teaming with life, whenever he’s nearby — as if two magnets that couldn’t be more different have attracted one another instead of repelling. it’s like you need to be near him in order to breathe, to feel, to exist. 

your…boyfriend? makes himself comfortable on your bed, trailing his index finger over the pink patterned sheets.  you realise then, that you’ll never truly understand what’s going on in his head. 

“i am proud of you, yanno.” gojo comments casually. he man-spreads across the edge of your bed, leaning back against his elbows as if to draw your eyes to the treasure between his thick jean-clad thighs. “not every day my pretty baby graduates with honours. such a smart little girl, hm?” it’s cruel really, how dumb he makes you out to be — but in a way, it makes your insides twist and a flutter make its way up to your chest.

you shrug as if it’s nothing, hanging your clothes up in the closet before you return to the bedside. “it’s a wonder i managed, ‘toru. you were always distracting me,” memories of your illicit activities on nights before papers were due or exams were to be taken flash behind his vibrant azure eyes, and satoru grins mischievously as his strong arms snake around your waist — his head pressed against your smooth tummy. “i have to unpack.” you remind him gently.

but then he looks up at you, like a sweet pet that begs for food, dragging you into the shining blue pools of his eyes that you can never seem to escape. and before you know it, you’re drowning in gojo’s attention once again. 

“did you miss me?”

satoru let’s his fingers slide under your loose top and gives your hips a possessive squeeze, watching you with baited breath. 

“‘toru, you’ve asked me that already.” 

he squeezes again, harder, the rough pads of his fingers sinking into your mid-section, all needy like. he’s desperate to know that you haven’t found anyone else. “i missed you,” satoru quips in place of your silence. “i hate being away from you for so long, work sucks.”

as if he ever did any real work. satoru was just the pretty poster boy for his dad’s company — it worked out well though, you’d seen the amount of zeros in his bank account yourself. “i’ll be getting a job too, did you know that? at that big fashion editorial. you know the one, Heavenly Pact magazine. it’ll be in the city too so we can be closer together. it’s why suguru is taking us to dinner.” 

satoru finds your gushing adorable, pulling you to stand between his legs as you go on and on.

“and where d’ya think suguru got that idea from?”  he coos. “i had him set up a reservation at that place you like… yanno, the one where we spent our two years. something about the sushi there. you liked it.” 

satoru talks about the day as if you were really dating. two years. seven hundred and thirty days spent fawning over him and chasing the white haired male like a lost puppy. you couldn’t even call it an anniversary, not when you weren’t official. though, he’d taken the time to spoil you — he dressed you in diamonds and designer, picked you up in a fancy car that probably cost more than your rent, booked out the whole restaurant and filled it with your favourite flowers. gojo had made you feel like you were special, something special to him, and as usual you fell for the smoke screens and mirrors that masked how he truly felt. 

how he wanted to own every part of you. 

you’d wanted to celebrate two years being tied to one another and he let you, because in order to take — you have to give a little. 

gojo somehow feels closer than before, his lips treading lightly over your supple stomach while his thumbs trace circles over your hips. you preen into his touch, love bristling in your chest and replacing the heaviness that weighs it down. “you’re coming?” 

“wouldn’t miss it for the world, baby.” comes his husky, breathy whisper — uttered against your warm skin like a promise of love and support. satoru presses a wet kiss just above your navel all while slyly tugging your shirt further up, distracting you from the task at hand (folding clothes).

something stirs within your lower tummy, a blistering hot sensation spreads from your core to your chest, your mind and all four of your limbs as if someone’s thrown gasoline onto a fire. gojo’s curious silver tongue travels further — tracing over the saltine droplets of sweat on your skin while he licks up to your rib cage. every twist of his pink muscle against you makes your breath catch in the ridges of your throat and your entire body wrack with a case of the shakes. 

still, you continue to unpack, struggling with the items in your grip as large palms claw up your back and force you down into satoru’s widespread lap, not that you mind — being pressed up all against him. “oooh, that’s cute,” satoru taunts you playfully, pulling back from the love marks he’s painted where your breasts meet your ribs. he blinks over at the article of clothing between your nimble fingers, white flashes tickling your skin as he does so.

his scent is so overwhelming you can’t even think, not at all what one would expect. it’s fresh, almost cold to inhale, like peppermint, pine and cool air from the highest peak of the mountain. 

you look down at gojo dumbly, earning yourself the sound of his melodious laughter. in response,  he juts his head in the direction of your hand. “your bra, you gonna wear that for me?”

shifting your gaze over to the baby blue lace, you grin and toss it aside — using your free hands to push satoru back against your sheets. 

“maybe, if you’re lucky.” 

he growls in reply, predatory and playful all at once, lifting his head, with his pool of silver-moon hair rising from your bed, to capture your lips in a slow, spit-swapping kiss. he allows you to pin his wrists above his head, barely putting up a fight as you swallow him down and devour him whole — your tongues clash for dominance, slipping and sliding over one another while your hands do the same to the silver roots of his hair. 

one of your hands travel down to cup his cheek, tilting gojo’s head up just a tad more so that you can pour more of your passion into him. the kiss becomes, in the only way that you can describe it, hurried and hungry — the more of yourself you give to him, the more satoru becomes filled with your love and innermost parts of your soul. you give and give and give until his glass is full to the brim.

you grow weaker by the second, falling victim to the predatory, hot mouth of your lover and your grip on his wrists loosen just enough for his calloused fingertips to fluidly cascade down your body — finding purchase in the loops of your pesky jeans, tugging them away from your marred flesh and soft ass. once he’s bored with toying with your clothes, the silver haired man uses his reach on your ass to push you closer, kiss you harder, grind his swelling erection into the gap between your plush thighs.

the two of you can’t be closer, noses knocking against one another clumsily and breath becoming scarce as your lungs ache and burn for a fresh in-take of oxygen between drooly lip locks. it’s messy, you’re both messy — your relationship always has been. but in this very moment, you can’t find it in yourself to care, addicted to the weight of gojo’s tongue in your mouth and the way his smooth, glossy lips feel against your own. both of your chests heave, your bodies growing hotter and tenser each time you swirl your hips down onto him or he bucks up into you.

“baby,” satoru sighs airily, twitching underneath you — all restless and impatient. “you’re so pretty like this, on’top’a me,” his crystal blue eyes have darkened to a midnight blue, almost black with a list that makes his pupils blow wide. you’ve seen this change too many times to be unfamiliar with what satoru wants. that very thing being you. “smoke with me a little?” his plea barely covers up the low moan that escapes him as your hips jerk against him. his touch scorches through the all-too-tight denim hugging your waist, leaving burn marks at your tail bone. he’s desperate for this, desperate for you. 

how can you say no.

your face splits into an angelic, agreeable grin. just what satoru likes to see. “c’mon then, where’s your stash?” in reply, he lifts his hips higher from the bed — nudging the thick outline of his cock against your sensitive clothed pussy. 

“sorry.” he lies easily. “back pocket.” 

moving to dig around in said pocket, you pull out gojo’s tiny baggy of weed — noting the joints he’d probably rolled up prior to coming here. sometimes, you had the nagging thought that your man always loved you better when you were a little bit high. you gloss over the idea, however, reaching into your nightstand nearby for your sanrio lighter while you toss gojo the bag. he picks out a blunt for you to share and you trigger the flame.

you take the joint between your lips, plumped up from all the kissing you’ve been doing, and let satoru wrap a bulky arm around your middle — pinning you to his larger-than-yours frame. his chest is plush, warm, and you can feel your heartbeats beginning to sync up beneath your clothes. you hold the lighter to one end, bambi eyes reflecting the orange yellow flame that sets the wrapper alight and hum in content whilst you inhale. 

you hold. exhale. and when the smoke clears, gojo is looking up at you as if you hold the entire universe in your gaze.

“you’re so fuckin’ pretty.” 

that sweet giggle of yours rings out into the night air. you take a hit before you press your mouth to satoru’s — breathing the smoke into his lungs. 

you’re spoiling him. he knows you don’t really like to smoke, but you’re always sweetest when he gets you a little fucked up. 

“so you’ve said, ‘toru.”

he swipes the blunt from your grip and takes a drag for himself, tapping the ashes out against your sheets as he picks up the salacious motions of his hips again. and like the obedient little thing you are, you grind against him, mewling into his milky skin that’s illuminated by the shy slither of moonlight that peeks on you both through your curtains. 

“i mean it, sweet thing,” another hit, his voice even huskier from the aromatic fumes — even as he gripes lowly into the shell of your ear. “fuck, you’re so perfect like this. grinding on my lap like a needy little girl, hm?” 

whining out for him, you let satoru stick the blunt back in your mouth and sit up — bucking down on his hard, heavy erection as if you’re riding his cock like you usually do. “satoru,” you purr while the weed begins to take residence over your brain, take its effect. you recognise that the supply is from sukuna, the older brother of a boy you knew from college. yuuji itadori, was it? you’d always found him cute but he had a girlfriend and gojo told you to stop worrying about him a long time ago. the very thought sparks something in the back of your mind — at war with giving into satoru’s touch and how it makes its way underneath your clothes to thumb at your pebbling nipples. “‘toru…when are you going to tell sugu about us?” 

the mention of your brother should be enough to kill the mood, but you’ve been away from gojo far too long. he’s already got his sights set on ruining you for some fun tonight, pushing his luck by slipping his fingers past your tight waistband in order to mess with your slick pussy folds against your panties. 

“do i need to?” he drawls, laughs a little, voice breaking through the thick barrier of ardour built up in his throat. “s’not that important. telling him. we’re having fun, right? things are good the way they are.” gojo sticks his tongue out in concentration, fumbling between layers of clothes for your cute little clit and grinning ear to ear when he finds it — watching you quiver and fail to hold yourself up above him as he presses down on the nub, hard. “what good would it do, telling him?”

you could think of a million reasons why, but all of them fail to rush to the forefront of your mind — blocked by desire and the lingering weed in your system. “i…i want to mean somethin’ to you,” comes your babyish voice, hurt and whiny through your pout. satoru takes the blunt from you, rubbing your cunt through your words as they catch in your throat. “wanna be serious with you. want something more. i-i’m a proper adult now… i deserve — oh fuck!” 

you don’t even know why you bring the fact up. that you’re an adult, that you’re grown now. because you’re still a naive little thing who wants so much more from someone older and more experienced. because you’re still suguru’s younger sister to satoru, not his girlfriend. just his forbidden plaything. 

satoru smiles wickedly again as you fail to express yourself, becoming a pliant sticky mess all over his fingers while their tips graze your clit over and over again in rough circles. “‘m sure you are, my big girl yeah?” he’s so cruel to you, talking down on you while he plays your sopping mound like a fiddle. pinching and pulling at your folds and your poor little clit. “you’re so close, aren’t you? think you might cum from a couple’a fingers ‘n a bit of weed…” 

heat brews under the surface of your skin, most hot at the centre of your face where you start to feel humiliated and embarrassed. even more so because you like it, when the silver haired man is mean to you like this. “satoru…t-that’s not what i meant—“ you try, gushing and crying. “s-satoru i’m g-gonna—!” 

knock, knock, knock.

“hey little one, i’m home!” 

the pair of you jump apart at the smooth sound of suguru’s calm and timbre voice. 

it’s like a shock to your system, like being doused with cold water or waking up from a hangover after one too many shots. with wild eyes you look from your half-hard boyfriend to the open window — immediately shoving up and pulling his hands from your pants. “g-get up!”  you seethe, teeth and tongue, all of your syllables rushed. 

“was that suguru?” gojo asks, voice elevated with panic while he puts the blunt out against your windowsill. 

you nod vigorously, using your shaky limbs to push satoru back out the way he came. “yes! now go!” 

“hey, little one? it’s me, suguru..”

he scrambles to climb back out the window and you lean over the edge to watch him go — accepting the chaste kiss he gives you on the way out. the second that gojo is out of view, you chuck the half-smoked joint into your trash can and kick the rest of sukuna’s supply underneath your bed to cover up the evidence.

“c-come in!” you finally squeak, putting on your best smile for your adoptive older brother. 

your bedroom door swings open, revealing a tired suguru with tousled clothes and sleepy dark eyes. he looks older, maturer, but he’s still the same brother you love and grew up with. “there’s my little princess,” he cheers, tying back the dark tresses of his (much) longer hair before he opens his arms wide to give you a hug. 

you quickly accept, nuzzling your cheek against suguru’s firm shoulder (also wiping your tears on him). “sugu! when did you get back?” 

“not too long ago. i tried calling, but you didn’t pick up.” his voice is laced with suspicion and you swear you hear him sniff the air from above your head — close to catching the traces of weed on you. 

“i was… unpacking!” stepping back, you stumble over to your toiletries that you’d begun to unpack earlier and eagerly (a little too eagerly) spritz some of your expensive perfume into the air. “s-sorry! i’m the thinking of wearing this scent to dinner on sunday…any thoughts?”

you swear you hear gojo groan from outside, no doubt listening in on your conversation with his best friend and your older brother — no doubt finding your excuse flimsily and unbelievable. suguru, despite it all, takes the bait or chooses not to bite any further — his eyes no longer narrowed and his face relaxed. 

“speaking of things to wear for sunday night…” he begins, digging deep into his left pocket for a small red velvet box. “i got you a little something, as…congrats for all of your hard work recently.” 

suguru reaches forward to take your hand in his, turning it over so that he can place the box in the centre of your palm. you glance up at your older brother hesitantly, but he only gives you a warm reassuring smile — gesturing for you to open it.

you do we told, the box creaking open at his hinges to reveal a real diamond necklace with a beautiful, dazzling sapphire pendant at its centre. just by looking it at it, you know that the sapphire and silver combination will contrast decadently against the deep, sun-kissed tones of your skin.

“o-oh sugu, you shouldn’t have!”

“but i did, think of it as my parting gift to you.” the older geto sibling explains kindly. “you’re going out into the world to do something special, to help people. you deserve to be spoiled before you get there.” his gentle hands close the box for you, setting it aside on your dresser before suguru links your fingers — staring down at you wistfully. “everything out there is dangerous. people will try to take advantage of you and your kindness. but like gem stone in hard shell rock, you must preserve that little shine of yours…” you let him brush at a dry tear mark on your cheek, your fingers slipping down to his wrist to hold them tight. “i will always be here to look out for you, no matter what. but i won’t always be able to be by your side.” 

the seriousness of the conversation overwhelms you with a weighty guilt. suguru has always looked after you and done his best to keep you away from any harm. you imagine that satoru would be right in how destroyed your brother would feel after finding out you ran into the arms of the biggest danger of all. 

his best friend. 

so you suck it up, mask your guilt and press a kiss to your brother’s cheek — hoping that he’ll forgive you if the truth ever surfaces. 

“i know, thank you sugu,” comes your simple, appreciative reply. “i’ll always have you, and satoru too.”

he laughs and kisses your forehead “that you will. but don’t get too close to him okay? he’s trouble. i wouldn’t want him to mess things up for you.” 

“i know, suguru.” 

the exchange is left at that, with suguru patting your shoulder as he bids you a goodnight. your entire body sags with relief once he’s gone, similar to that of a snake shedding its skin. you can’t keep lying to him like this but you don’t want to break his heart. maybe satoru was right. maybe you were wrong. either way, you feel conflicted and torn between two.

when you go to close the window, satoru is still waiting for you — safely on the ground below. his blue eyes beg to come back inside, to be with you, but you’ve danced with the devil too much tonight. gojo won’t take you seriously. he might ruin things for you, just like your brother said. 

“call me when you get home safe, okay?” you murmur to him in order to make sure you don’t get caught. 

you latch your window closed right after, not even bothering to wait for gojo’s reply. 

either you’ll keep sneaking around with him or you’ll eventually give him up, but for tonight — you decide that you’ll just shut the silver snake out.

“i’ve never known you to like the colour blue so much.” 

the day before your fancy and celebratory dinner — suguru geto decided that his spoiled little sister isn't quite spoiled enough. growing up, he’d bring you toys from his shitty part time job at the department store on weekends or food from the chef’s at satoru’s place after hanging out with that loser all day. 

in college, it would be magnets or posters or big, surprisingly well-made hoodies from the campus gift shop because suguru would always tell you that his little one would be going to university too — that you’d do him proud and achieve big things. you were destined for so much more and had every ounce of support in your corner. from your brother, your parents…there’s always been a pressure on your shoulder to make something of yourself, become someone worthy of their support. 

by the time suguru had graduated and landed his own job — the little gifts he’d gotten you became pricier and more luxurious. your brother had called them items of encouragement, a taste of what was to come once you made it out into the real world. not that he would actually ever let you spend a dime of your own, big brothers were supposed to be there for sweet little sisters like you to fall back on. he wanted you to know that he would always have you covered, have you spoiled with everything you’d ever wanted — mostly to keep your standards high, ensuring that you never settled for anything less than what your older sibling could provide you with. 

that’s how days like today first came about — you called it sibling bonding time. 

first on the agenda was breakfast at the humble little bakery your parents often treated you both to after a batch of good grades at school. it wasn’t too far from the house and you use the walk to catch up, bouncing excitedly by your brother’s side while he gushed to you about highly classified information from his line of work. there was always something to admire about suguru, how dedicated he was to keeping you safe and making a name for himself outside of the shelter of your home. 

in some ways, you wanted to be just like him. it could've been that you admired suguru too much or leaned on him even more. interdependency as some would call it. 

that didn’t matter to you though, your relationship with your brother has always been precious to you and that’s all that matters. 

the rest of your early morning was spent with a pampering session, manicures, and pedicures and makeup testing — even a trip to the hair stylist who happily braided your bountiful curls into your favourite look. 

next, was a late afternoon shopping spree. suguru drives you into the fanciest mall he can think of to spend the day. the elitist of the elite. designer stores were plotted at every corner, stocked to the brim with luxury goods that wouldn’t even put a dent in your brother’s salary nowadays. if you wanted it, you got it — without a word or question against you. suguru let you fill your basket with a purse and bag for the evening ahead, and right now, the last thing on your agenda would be the perfect dress to wear to your dinner.

that’s what had brought you to this very moment, the one where you completely blank on your brother because he’s noticed something different about you. 

something akin to a nuisance of a crush on gojo satoru.

blinking once, you turn on your heel to face suguru and snap out of your distant thoughts. “i-i’m sorry, what was that?”

the older, raven haired man smiles at you as if you’re being silly — as though there aren’t any thoughts up in that pretty little head of yours. “i said, you’ve grown awfully fond of the colour blue recently.” he keeps his voice soft and comforting while speaking to you, avoiding any accusatory tones that might set his sensitive younger sister off. “it’s not even your favourite colour.” geto adds, approaching you by the clothes rack in what seems to be your fifth designer fashion store. 

you may be spoilt but at least you have taste — the number of zeroes on the price tag was never an issue for your brother anyway.

he gestures down at the items folded over your crossed arms — the ones you wanted to take to the back and try on. heat flashes under the surface of your skin when you realise suguru is in fact right. there’s a plethora of fabric bundled in your arms with only one thing in common. 

they all share the shade of a baby powder blue. 

it’s the type of blue that reminds you of the sky on days where the weather is just right — when the sun is able to pierce through the veil of fluffy white clouds and shine down on you. the type of blue that hides behind lilac and orange when the sun rises at dawn. the type of blue that sometimes reminds you of clear winter skies after snowfall and drawing shapes in your condensed breath on the glass. 

it’s the type of blue akin to satoru gojo’s brilliant eyes — the ones that look as though they hold unseen stars or undiscovered galaxies, the secrets of the universe yet to be known by mankind. oh those eyes, they’re so dreamy that you could get lost in them for a milenia and never be bored. 

to anyone who knows about the two of you — it would make sense for blue to have become one of your favourite colours. it is the embodiment of satoru, everything down to loving him is blue, and bleak and beautiful all at once. 

yet, suguru could never know that. it would ruin everything. 

“i just…i just think it’s pretty!” internally, you feel yourself cringe and the weak excuse — threading your fingers through the dresses in your hold. “don’t you think the colour would like nice on me, sugu? if not, i can put them back—“

your older brother grabs at your wrist before you can even think to commit such an action — stopping you from putting anything back onto the clothes rack. “you’d look pretty in anything you wore, little one.” he lets out a nervous chuckle, moving to pet your head softly. “i just imagined you in something a little more—“

“blue. it’s perfect — isn’t it? it matches my pendant too…” spinning around to face your brother, you hold a beautiful cupcake styled tulle dress to suguru’s gaze, and dawn over its gemstone sweetheart necklace that has a twinkle bright enough to rival satoru’s eyes. you wonder how he’ll look at you once he sees it on you, contrasting perfectly with your warm complexion. a secret, not so innocent part of you hopes that satoru will just rip it off of you. the other, wishes you’d calm down and behave.

suguru offers you a wavering smile, before relenting. “if that’s what you want, sweetheart.” he hums, gesturing towards the fitting rooms. “how about you try it on, see how it looks?” 

nodding your head, you shove your discarded choices into his arms and disappear into a booth — excited to see how the article of clothing looks on you. you strip easily, kicking off your jeans while suguru wanders around impatiently outside. 

“so…is it a boy that you’re wearing this for?” comes his deep voice through the curtains, lifted in tone only by its teasing lilt. 

when you were younger, you would always gush to suguru about your crushes — whether he cared or not, your excited and love-struck musings always struck his ear. you remember being in his room while he studied or gamed, tucked into his side or braiding his luscious black hair while telling him all about how much you loved this one boy in your class. suguru would tell you to mind your heart and keep her safe, a boy who couldn’t buy you diamonds and make you laugh wasn’t the right boy for you.

you would hate to hear what he thinks about gojo then. a man who buys you diamonds, makes you laugh, fucks you good and breaks your heart all at once.

hugging your discarded t-shirt to your chest as if to protect the beating organ, you frown. “it isn’t! why would i dress pretty for some boy?”

“good. boys are dangerous,” clothing ruffles over the sound of suguru’s voice as he reminds you of the lesson he’s taught you many times over the years. trust no man, except for your brother. “i won’t always be here to keep an eye on you or keep you out of said danger. so just…focus on making a name for yourself. especially after you’ve worked so hard to graduate from uni.”

you scoff and grab the dress — debating whether or not you should step into it or pull it over your head. “i’m not a child anymore, sugu. i don’t need you to watch out for me… i’m old enough to make my own choices. i’m responsible too.” 

he watches your feet peek out from under the curtains as you mess with the dress and attempt to pull it on. geto’s senses jump to high alert listening to you struggle and shuffle to pull it over your head, resisting the urge to jump in and help you. “don’t pull it over your head when you’ve just gotten your hair done,” he grumbles in light annoyance. “step into it, little one.” 

“yeah, i got it!” comes your snappy voice in return while you readjust and try again. 

suguru leans against the nearest wall, crossing his arms over his chest — he slips into silence as you slip into your dress. “i know you do, you’re a smart girl.” you get the feeling he’s not talking about how you try it on anymore, and your stomach turns as you adjust the skirts. “but that doesn’t mean i don’t worry. once you lose your focus, everything comes crashing down. that’s what happened to satoru. i wouldn’t want you to end up like him.” 

again, your tummy lurches in the worst of ways at the mention of gojo and how much geto hates the idea of the two of you ever getting together. sure, satoru was childish and irresponsible — refuting the orders of the higher ups in his family… he could be disappointing at times too, with questionable loyalty. yet sometimes… sometimes satoru could be so good and stable, oftentimes reminding you of why you wanted to be with him in the first place. 

he is special to you, in so many ways that is beyond the web of human comprehension. you love satoru gojo so much that your lungs burn with the need for air whenever he’s not around for you to breathe in. 

the idea of not having him around often because of your brother is like oxygen deprivation itself.

“satoru isn’t that bad.” you counter, toying with the beading at your neckline while you inspect yourself in the mirror. he would love it on you. “don’t you think you’re being a little harsh on him? he is your best friend after all.” it takes your all not to bust out and tell your brother all about your relationship with said best friend, even if it kills him and ruins the rose tinted glass above his head.

pushing the curtains open you step out just as geto starts to scold you again. “satoru gojo is lazy and hardly competent, he wouldn’t be right for you and you know that— oh.”

he stops speaking when you step out to show him the dress, your eye bright and doe-like, almost pleading — while the fabric sticks to all the right curves, making you look stunning. making you appear more mature. “help me do the zip f’me, suguru? i can’t reach.” 

“come here, i’ve got you,” suguru whispers in quiet awe, turning you gently by the shoulders to do the honours of zipping you in at the low back of the dress. “you look perfect, give me a twirl, hm, little one?”

twirling as told, suguru watches proudly as your skirts flail about the place — it’s sparkle catching on the UV light up above. you’re the perfect angelic picture of his little sister…he doesn’t know how he’ll ever let you go. 

there’s still a pout on your lips undoubtedly from what he’s said about gojo and as much as suguru finds your defensiveness for him weird — he hates seeing you upset just as much. “hey, how about we go pay for your dress…” he calls your name and you tilt your head up just a touch, giving your brother your attention unwillingly. “and since we’re here at the shopping centre, we might as well get dinner. my treat? i’ll get you some of your favourites. perhaps boba and we’ll stop by the stuffed animal store on the way out—“ suguru trails off to see if you’ve taken his snare and got stuck in his trap, he knows you can’t resist being spoiled at the end of the day. 

you nod faster than your pretty little head can catch up. “sounds like a plan, sugu!” 

“i knew you’d say yes,” he snickers proudly, petting your head softly for the second time that late afternoon. then, geto carefully nudges you back into the changing room, patiently waiting for you to remove the dress so he can pay for it while you switch clothes. “i think you made a good choice today. with the dress,” he adds, drawing the curtains for you kindly. “who knows, maybe satoru will even take his head out of his ass to pay you a compliment, admire the colour. he’ll like it for sure.” 

you flinch behind the curtains when they close, trying to keep your voice even. “i-i can’t say i’m hoping for it!” to which suguru laughs heartily, accepting the dress as you chuck it out to him. 

but what you’re really hoping for, is for him to not connect the dots. 

to not find out about yourself and gojo until you’re ready for him too.

the first rule of a situationship, is to never answer the phone after the first ring. that's rule number one for satoru gojo.

it gives the girl the impression that you’re interested in something more than just fooling around, that you want more than the benefits of a relationship while sticking to the talking stage.

but gojo has never been one to follow the rules, not even ones he sets for himself…because when you call, he answers in a heartbeat — just to hear your sweet little voice relaying his name over your tongue and the way you giggle like a darling when he compliments you. 

satoru gojo likes you a lot more than he lets on, he misses you even more so. that’s why he answers on the first ring, practically kicking his feet in his king sized bed  — he hasn’t heard you say his name since the night you kicked him out, and for good reasons too. 

hiding his presence from suguru. 

“hi ‘toru.”

“hi gorgeous,” you can practically hear your lover’s smile through the crackling static over the line. “missed you,” gojo slurs lightly, of course, is high by no means other than sukuna’s supply of the good stuff — inhaling it leisurely through a nicely rolled joint while he listens to you call out for him. your voice is so inviting… so angelic… and if satoru shuts his pretty eyes and tries hard enough, he can just about imagine the way you’d sigh for him as his fingers slip right inside of your sweet little pussy—

“i almost told sugu about us today.” 

that makes satoru jump upright, choking on a deep inhale of cannabis tainted smoke. his lungs ache from trying to recover and the pain spreads to his toned thighs when he’s realised that he’s dropped the roll up in shock, the lit end burning through the grey sweatpants he wears. “fuck. shit… that hurts. idiot.” the silver haired man curses to himself, forgetting you’re still on the line.

“who me?” you simper a little on the sad side, seemingly shifting in your own bed.

satoru instantly picks up on the pouty twinge to your voice and if he hadn’t been burning to death (dramatic much?) he knows that his cock would have twitched to life between his legs at the dulcet sound. “fuck baby, no not you,” he says, words rushing from his mouth as he reassures you. “why would you tell him? did he figure us out?”

you hesitate with your next words. “w-well, um…not exactly…”

“come on baby, you can say it. s’just me, satoru,” gojo goads you with a condescending echo to each of his words, not putting too much pressure on your sweet and empty little head. “don’t think too much. just be good and tell me.” 

while he waits, the man fumbles his way out of bed and stands — somehow managing to tuck his splif between slightly chapped and pale pink lips. he tugs off his shirt, suddenly feeling too hot under the collar, and stalks his way over to his large, wide windows — looking down onto the bustling city below. 

it’s kind of funny, how noisy it is down there, creating almost as much of a ruckus as the racing thoughts in satoru’s brain. 

“i wanted to tell him…because suguru doesn’t think that you deserve me.” you finally say, submissively telling gojo what’s on your mind. it hurts like a bitch to hear, it stings at every unresolved trauma and open wound that he has — not because it’s a lie, but because gojo doesn’t want to accept that reality. 

a reality where he can’t have you, because he could never be someone who meets his best friend’s standards and expectations for you. 

be someone that you deserve. 

gojo exhales the smoke through his nose, letting it sting at his nostrils while he decays from the inside out. if this were any other drug he’d have smokers lungs by age twenty-seven. “well ain’t that the truth.” he mumbles, grim. 

“now satoru, why would you say that?” you sound like you’re about to cry.

“because, it’s not far off is it?” gojo really doesn’t mean to snap. after all, he is high, and this topic could have him spiralling into a really bad trip — but it’s not your fault that you love him, that you want him so bad you’d deny all of your brother’s wishes. that’s on him — he made you that way, and these are simply the consequences of his own action. “fuck… baby. sweetheart, you know you shouldn’t even be with me,” he starts, tucking his blunt between two fingers while running the same hand through his moonlight-kissed hair. “i’m way older than you, i’m hardly ever serious about you when i should be like you want…and hell, your brother sure as fuck doesn’t want me near you. you deserve better, and that’s the truth.” 

he hates saying all that shit to you, projecting his insecurities and inability to properly love someone onto the girl he loves…but gojo does it anyway, as if he can’t control the acid in his stomach — throwing it up everywhere or otherwise it’ll burn him from the inside out. 

“but i don’t want better…i want you.” comes your quiet sob, so tiny and pathetic. satoru resents himself for making you that way — pale white lashes fluttering shut and locking away his murky ocean blue eyes. he tries to picture you happier, instead of crying over the call like you are right now. 

“i want… i want you too.” 

“then…then let’s tell him! together! he’s my brother… and you’re his best best friend. he might understand, if you prove to him that this is what you want. that i’m what you want.” you're perkier when you speak again, and satoru (still high as a kite) wonders if he’d said that just to appease you or if he really meant it. 

a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. 

except gojo isn’t drunk. 

he will admit, he’s pictured the day where you both come clean to the older geto sibling almost a million times. in his mind, satoru’s seen every reaction and emotion possible play out of his best friend’s face — he’s seen them in real life too. yet, the only prevalent expression on suguru geto’s face when anyone ever spoke of you in a nasty manner.. was red hot rage. 

suguru would become another man, one who wasn’t afraid of murder, whenever it came down to you. countless individuals over the years had tried and failed at winning your favour from suguru — as if you were a princess in a castle. each one of them would regret trying for the rest of their lives. 

and each time you remained none the wiser to how bad suguru really was and the lengths he’d go to keep you his innocent little sister. 

gojo didn’t want that for himself, to face the wrath of his best friend. 

but maybe he could try to withstand it, for you. 

the girl he might actually love, after all. 

“we can try…i’ll try for you.” he mutters quietly over the line after sometime. satoru sounds neither hopeful or hopeless, but either way it does the trick for you. you laugh for him, airily and bubbly, it makes the man smile around the blunt resting between his rows of perfect teeth. your happiness is enough to be his happiness. 

he wished he allowed himself to feel that way about you more. 

“and i for you, ‘toru. we’ll be together openly someday.” you gush. 

the two of you chat for a little while longer until you adorably fall asleep on gojo and his blunt finally ends…but by the end of it, he can’t help but get this sinking feeling. where anxiety fills the cavity in satoru’s chest and drowns his optimistic heart in worry — slowing down its steady beat.

things won’t be as happy as he wants them to be. 

and he doesn’t quite have the heart or guts to tell you that. 

satoru gojo has always been afraid of love. 

it’s not an emotion that comes easy to him — like the second nature of most human beings. there’s no innate need to love someone for satoru, there’s no urge to be tender or to hold someone in high regard because of the way he feels about them. love is not something that’s bound to his DNA or feeling he’s known since his very conception. or perhaps it was the environment in which he was raised, the way that his father was never home and his mother was always crying — her choked sobs only increasing in severity when she cast her gaze upon her only child. 

that white hair and those blue eyes reminded her way too much of the man who couldn’t love her back. 

perhaps that’s why he’s afraid to open up his heart, bordering up with layers of concrete and brick to protect it from the harsh reality of the world. the organ beats, it pumps blood around his body and keeps satoru alive — but it doesn’t carry an ounce of love. it’s as if he’s incapable. all he feels is resentment, towards his father and towards his mother — towards the people who did nothing but try to show him that he was worthy of warmth and intimacy. 

he hates them because he doesn’t deserve it. satoru is nothing but a cold husk of a human being, a shell long since abandoned by its owner or inhabitant. there’s nothing to care for behind the walls of human flesh and tissue, no open heart to hold between one’s fingers with the promise of keeping it safe. satoru gojo doesn’t love because he’s afraid and it makes him feel like he can’t. 

the people who love you always leave. to gojo, that’s a proven fact. his memories tied the emotion are never fond — his mother left him for a better life and better family with another man. his father left him for the company and late nights at work, a glass of brandy in his right hand. all satoru knew growing up was the cold, empty silence of his childhood home that should have been filled with happiness, laughter and warmth. 

the people who love you are supposed to come back. for gojo, no one ever did. no one cradled him when he cried, no one held his hand through the scariest moments of his life. no one came back for him. 

how could a man like that ever learn to love someone outside of himself? 

how could a man like him make anyone happy? 

satoru thinks that he would be a miserable addition to anyone’s life, a thick smog that hides the brightness from the world and blocks out any sunshine. no one around him deserves to be happy, it’s why he so selfishly and recklessly tears them apart in front of the media or acts rebellious to tarnish his family’s infamous reputation. his actions have no consequences, he hurts no one he loves because he loves no one. 

no one except for… 

“master satoru,” the matured voice of his personal driver interrupts the deep pool of thoughts gojo drowns in. “we may be slightly late for dinner with the getos. with your permission, perhaps i can make a detour? it’s not the safest route in town but it would get us there faster—“ 

no one except for you.

satoru sits up straight in the back seat of his expensive, sleek black car as if he’s been hit with the realisation that you exist. that you’re still here and still made to be loved. the man doesn’t believe in soulmates, or red strings of fate or happily ever after’s, yet — in the short two years that he’s been fooling around with you, satoru has somehow managed to fall deeply and irrevocably in love with you. 

by all means, it doesn’t show — hell, you probably don’t even know how satoru really feels about you. he’s terrible at being genuine and hides behind a porcelain mask that only shows you the worst parts of him, that the entire world takes pleasure in seeing…but it’s true. he loves you. against all odds, the very feeling has managed to take root in the white haired rich boy’s chest, like the smallest flower blooming in the harshest of tundras. there’s something satoru didn’t know, that love has resistance, and no matter how hard he tries to act like he doesn’t — it will always find a way to thrive.

satoru might love you so much it makes him physically sick — one look at you and he’s rendered weak in the knees and short of breath. you’ve got a smile full of sunshine that warms satoru even with the bone chilling air outside. your eyes are enticing, deep pools of chocolate and hazel notes that drag him in like a fish on a line. your lashes are always soft against his skin, long enough to rival his even though you comment about how much you adore his every time you’re together. 

you’ve got the man under a fucking spell and he’s not sure he ever wants it to be broken. at first, you were just something sweet to snack on, someone that gojo couldn’t have which only made him want you more. you’d be his pet — nothing more. he’d keep you at arms length until he was bored and could toss you away. however, over time, gojo’s want grew to love and even now, you’ve no clue how much you affect him, he regrets not showing that to you more.

he still treats you like you’re a child, a naive little thing because he’s terrified of opening up to you, frightened by the mere thought of you running for the high hills once you see what the man who loves you is really like. 

satoru takes to adjusting his tie as the car switches lanes into a less polluted route — avoiding the evening traffic so that he can get to the destination faster. for some reason, anxiety spikes gojo’s blood stream with nervous hormones clinging to each red cell. the car becomes too enclosed, too compacted and the dark night outside doesn’t help him much either — it’s as if he’s lost in the void of space trapped with his own feelings. 

his tongue darts out to wet the seal of his pink lips and his twitching fingers pull at the stupid necktie his PA had picked out for him tonight. there’s one thing that he’s forgetting, one thing that’s worse than loving you — a guilt that sneaks up on gojo when he’s truly alone with his riveting thoughts.

the man lets out a shuddering breath. “fuck. me.” he says quietly, the two words colourful on his tongue.

there’s suguru too.

and the betrayal he’ll feel when he finally realises that satoru gojo is fucking his little sister.

gojo loves getou. though it’s a different kind of love in comparison to what he wants to share with you. it’s brotherly. friendly. and it goes back years beyond the situationship the white haired man has trapped you in. it would absolutely kill your brother if he ever found out, ruining the supposedly unbreakable bond they’ve developed over the time that they’ve known each other. 

a flash of pain flashes across gojo’s chest as if he’s been slashed with a knife — he grips the car handle tight, his knuckles turning white with how forceful his grip is. you and suguru are all that he has. the only family who ever truly cared for him and treated him like their own. of course his selfish actions and self-centred mindset would find a way to come between you both. he would be sure to kill the delicate sibling bond you have, satoru is an asshole like that.

it’s why he can never tell suguru about the fooling around you’ve done over the last two years — he would lose his one and only best friend. in the same breath, he could lose you too. you’re a smart girl, you’ll learn to leave him eventually and spread your own wings with pride.

the both of you were better off without him. 

satoru was nothing but a chaotic storm that left nothing but wreck and destruction in its wake. it was an absolute guarantee that he would tear the two of you apart, create more than surface level crack in the crust of the world you two have created together. he’s just no good, nothing good ever comes of him. 

but the love he has for you, building in slow stacks between the gaps in his rib cage, is addictive — much like that buzz from weed or the stale taste of a cigarette on his tongue. he’ll never have enough of you, and that very fact is what makes satoru gojo the most vile human he’s ever known. 

he’d rather die than give you up. rather tear you apart from your brother than let you go.

the admission to himself makes the play boy’s stomach turn and twist wrongly, the air in his lungs turning bitter and clogging up his throat. gojo’s hand slams against the door of his car, fumbling to wind down the window and feel the cool bite of cold against his skin. 

“p-pull over,”  satoru whispers, more so to himself in the back of the vehicle than to anyone else. his nails dig into the rough skin on his palms, and the blood rushes through his ears — louder and louder. painfully so. 

the driver looks to his master in the rear view mirror — concern sketched upon his features. “but master satoru, we’re just a few minutes away—“ 

“i said, fucking pull over!” gojo damn near screams in reply, throwing a piercing blue gaze at his poor driver. his head throbs heavily with guilt so by the time the car comes to a screeching halt, satoru’s close to throwing up on the sidewalk. “s-shit.”

the bile tastes like soured guilt in his mouth — but nothing comes. he’s sure he looks like a fool, half hanging out of his mercedes, pale as the silvering moon with the indication that  he’s going to be sick. 

“satoru,” his driver speaks to him tenderly, like a loving father would to his child. a comfort gojo never had the luxury of. “it’s not too late to go back home, i can have one of the maids ring suguru to let him know you won’t be in attendance. you don’t look your best.” 

the white haired man’s ragged breaths as he stands hands on knees in the middle of the road accompany the late night ambience — rushing cars and sirens, heels clattering against concrete pavement and groups of people laughing away. the sounds ring loud in his ear, overloading gojo and his guilty conscience until there’s a warm hand on his shoulder. 

his driver, reassuring him once again. 

“it’s okay, satoru. just breathe.” 

the statement somehow brings him back to present day, along with a heavy breath of frosty air. his driver rubs his back in smooth circles until satoru is able to stand to his full height — less queasy looking than he was before. 

“i’d like to go,” he clears his throat, replacing his woozy expression with his signature bright eyed, sparkly-white toothy grin. “i made a promise, to the people i love.” 

with a firm nod and gentle smile, satoru’s driver gives his employer one last firm pat on the back before returning to his position behind the wheel — ready to make the rest of the commute to the restaurant. 

it takes a moment for satoru to slip back into the car — and during that time, he reflects. he may be selfish, he may be an asshole, he may be sick and twisted right down to the core. but at the centre of all that, is his compassionate love for you and he would do anything to prove it. 

even if it means losing it all, just to be with you in the way you’ve always wanted.

satoru gojo is not as brave as he thought. 

the rest of his car ride to the restaurant is uneventful — aside from the silver haired playboy’s random musings. the pep talk he gives to himself while tugging at the tight loop of his neck tie. everything will be okay.

it’s just dinner with you, and dinner with the getos. an event that he’s attended dozens of times over the years because suguru is his best friend and your parents love him. 

except this isn’t just dinner. 

this is make or break. 

should he choose to make things official with you, it would shatter the very foundation of his relationship with suguru. the same if satoru chooses to ignore what you’re asking of him. 

the nerves unload on satoru as he jogs up the smooth marbled steps at the forefront of the restaurant — hesitating when the concierge on duty holds open the mahogany framed and glass panelled door. he can’t bring himself to go inside and face the consequences of his own actions over the last two years. 

just as he spins on his heels to run away, chelsea boots clicking against with every step — the sky starts to rumble and unleashes its heavenly tears upon the land below. rain.

gojo’s car has long since vacated the fancy premises — leaving him with no true escape home. he could just call a cab, call his driver, but duty and respect for his family away from family, for you, roots him to his spot outside of the restaurant. 

he spends the next twenty minutes with a rolled up joint between his ever glossy, plush pink lips.

the weed does nothing to mollify gale force winds and torrential downpour set heavy over gojo’s mind. his entire body is tense with apprehension, spreading cold from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. the weather itself causes gojo’s fingers to go stiff as he inhales the addictive fumes, a burnt amber crowning the other end of his blunt.

“since when did you smoke, satoru?”

satoru coughs and the smoke goes down wrong, he looks up at his intruder with bleary eyes that soften once his gaze lands. “started two years ago,” he says to suguru as his smile turns wistful. “couldn’t find a real reason to quit.” 

the reality of his words are masked by the sound of heavy rain hitting the ground, the tops of cars and the restaurant’s outer steps. it’s you, that satoru can’t seem to quit. 

if he dares to stop, he’ll go mad with withdrawals and a nicotine patch won’t fix him. 

“you really should stop getting addicted to the things that are bad for you.” suguru scolds his best friend, sidling up beside him. 

like you, his sister? 

satoru doesn’t deserve the aura of his warmth as they stand with one another. “yeah? no shit.” 

the younger of the pair holds his hand out for the joint, which gojo passes easily. the city bustle fills up the silence between them — occupying every particle of air that buzzes with kinetic energy in that very same space. silences shared between gojo and geto were not uncommon, they were the type of friends who could communicate a million words to one another in a blink of an eye. but tonight’s soundlessness feels tense, thick with an uncomfortable awkwardness that neither of them know the source of. 

be that as it may, satoru has always been able to mask his true feelings from the world and so he turns to his old friend slyly, giving him a casual punch to the shoulder while they smoke their worries away. 

“what’s got you so wound up, suguru?” satoru asks, playing coy and covering up. 

beady, blackened and tired eyes settle on his taller frame — trying to read the small print that codes each and every one of satoru gojo’s actions and behaviours. to the untrained eye (or anyone who hadn’t been practically raised by his side) gojo’s being his normal and cocky, maybe even obnoxious, self. though, to suguru — a man who’s been beside gojo through it all… there’s something missing. 

a puzzle piece that doesn’t quite fit.

suguru plays along, moving his chess piece along the board of the game satoru is playing. he’ll figure it out eventually. 

letting out a puff of glacier grey fumes — the older geto sibling shrugs and taps the ashes onto the floor. narrowly missing gojo’s expensive patent boots.

“she’s grown up so fast,” he admits slowly, with a husky chuckle — probably from the smoke. “i’m scared she won’t need me anymore.” suguru’s voice is usually so full of endearment and pride when he speaks of you but this time, all dazzling and pure emotion seems to be lost on him. 

the very notion scares satoru. 

he swipes the splif back to relieve the queasy feeling stirring deep in his gut once again. “she can take care of herself.” gojo mutters, coolly.

“i know that.” suguru replies, smoothly and icily. “but if she doesn’t need me anymore, she won’t listen to me anymore. there’ll be no one to warn her of the people who’ll take advantage of that. her ability to care for herself. i set a high standard for her, i don’t want anyone to claim they can do a better job than me.”

your brother is protective above all things, he’d rather kill a man than let you get hurt. satoru finds the sentiment both admirable and terrifying all at once. 

“you’ve done enough, man, how about you let her go?”

suguru turns snarky in response, teeth bared like a wild animal protecting its young. “maybe you’ll never understand the fickle connections of love…but adopted or not she is my little sister.” he asserts, glaring daggers into satoru’s skull as he smokes with a hand covering his mouth nonchalantly. hiding the quiver of his lip that shows how much he cares about this. about possibly screwing your life up. “i’d rip the heavens apart for her if she asked, i love her that much. i often wonder if any person would do the same for her.”

little does suguru know…satoru would do the absolute same for you and more. he would kill, he would die, he would destroy all for you. until he was bloody and raw. anything it took for you to keep on smiling up at him like that, he would do. and suguru would never know, because he’d end the world if he knew it was satoru that had defiled you. 

satoru is such a coward. 

neither of the men most important in your life speak after that, though, they continue sharing the joint until it’s nothing but burt orange ashes and fumes laying across their minds. the concierge does butt in at some point, kindly (and with a tight lipped smile) pointing out that the restaurant is three michelin stars and that smoking isn’t preferred. 

satoru hates rules, so he spits on the steps and chucks the blunt to the floor — stomping it out.

suguru only chuckles at his best friend’s antics, smacking him upside the head as he jogs up to the grand entrance — gojo’s hands in his pockets, his once crisp tuxedo messy with burnt ash and rain water. gojo stops just shy at of the sleek, pearlescent moulded handles and throws his mop of silver hair back over his shoulder.

“are we doing this thing or what, suguru?”

they share a familiar, all knowing smile. 

“yeah, satoru. let’s do this.” 

without even knowing, that everything is about to change.

you’ve always been a little nervous, especially without a grounding presence beside you.

for many years… your brother, suguru, was that presence. he knew all the best ways to keep you calm — like that little tune he taught you to tap onto your desk during quiet exam hauls, or that method of breathing so your lungs were so full of air and you stopped holding it before public speaking. suguru always knew best. 

but nowadays, you don’t find yourself seeking serenity in him. as if you were at a crossroads, your head always turns in the direction of someone you love with almost every corner of your heart. that someone being satoru. he may use you, he may fuck you and fling you to the side when he’s done but he grounds you. even when he isn’t trying to. in the subtle way that he toys with the beads braided into the ends of your hair while you sleep over at his place, or grabs at your waist in public spaces so that you don’t get lost or bullied by paparazzi. in the way that gojo makes you breakfast after bruising you and breaking your back beyond belief the night before — just to make it up to you.

satoru cares, even if it doesn’t look like it, he does.

and it almost makes you sick to your stomach — the thought of you craving his attention to that level.

your dainty fingers and blush-tone acrylic nails toy with the heavy pendant draped around your neck — the one that suguru gifted you. he had told you it shines under every light at every angle possible and you’re sure with the crystal chandeliers above, it’s blinding. 

“stop that,” your mother scolds you warmly, in her own charming way of easing your nerves. “you’ll break that big expensive gift from your brother.” you cast a glance upwards from its fixation on the pearl white tablecloths and glinting silver table settings to focus on your parents. as per usual, your father is too engrossed in reading every detail of the menu to notice your discomfort and nerves, while your mother can’t seem to look away. reading you to filth, much like suguru does. 

her efforts do nothing to help calm you down. 

your hand shifts, taking to twirling the cutlery instead. she sighs, and you shrink in on yourself — trying to take up as little space as possible. “‘m sorry,” comes your hushed little bleat.

“never you mind.” she comments, giving you a once over before digging through her purse for a napkin — no doubt to dab at the corner of your mouth like a mother usually does. “i don’t know why you’re so skittish. your exams are over and you’ve graduated! tonight is about celebrating you! it’s just your brother, his friend, and us.” 

that’s just it. it’s your brother and his friend. neither of them are aware of what might go down tonight. 

you wished you hadn’t told satoru that you want his commitment — maybe then you wouldn’t be scared shitless in a tight dress at an upscale restaurant downtown. maybe then you wouldn’t be dreading satoru’s decision or suguru’s reaction to that decision. 

you only wished you weren’t so selfish, to crave love from more than one person in two completely different ways. 

the love from your brother should be enough, he’s only gone and done so much for you. 

but it isn’t. and that makes you feel sick. 

you want to be loved in the way that plays out in movies. where the guy chases the girl through an airport just to confess how much he needs her. or stands in the thunderous rain to tell her how sorry he is. 

you want that from satoru. deep down, you know he wants it too. 

the only thing that stands in your way is the affection that radiates so strongly off of your brother — like an umbrella protecting you from heaven’s downpours. 

it’s been almost twenty minutes since your brother left his seat at your side to retrieve satoru from…well, wherever he is — like a stray cat picked up by a caring and kind-hearted stranger. you don’t know how’ll act when you see them together, side by side but you do know that ever second ticks by has you angstier and angstier. 

the waiter has come by at least four times, asking if you’re ready to order, ready for drinks, ready to be served. “no,” you mumble politely on his fifth return — anxious to the point where your grip on your sterling silver fork has your knuckles turning white. “we’re waiting for two others, we’re waiting for—“

“there you two are! we were starting to think the wind had swept you up!” your mother coos as she always does whenever she sets her sights on her favourite two boys. she stands, immediately moving to wrap her arms around suguru’s taller, broad frame as if she hasn’t seen him in a millennia. “suguru! you had your poor family worried sick.” 

your father doesn’t look up from the menu and you’re sure that you look a frazzled mess — but all your brother does is offer up his signature, delightful closed-eye smile, squeezing your mother back in reply. “sorry, ma. i got caught up with looking for this one.” he says warmly, jabbing a thumb into satoru’s side. 

satoru hasn’t looked away from you since he’d arrived at the table. his gaze even follows you as you stand.

he can’t help it, you’re beautiful. 

the dress that you wear hugs every dip and curve of your body, the satin material of your corset and tulle of your skirt in a shade of baby blue to rival his eyes contrasting perfectly against your deep skin. you’ve done your hair in the way that he likes, curled the ends of your braids with loose ones framing the roundness of your youthful face. if you were the last thing satoru gojo ever saw, surrounded by angelic light, he would be happy. he would be content. 

for you, satoru looks like a god amongst mankind. even though his clothes are askew and lightly washed with rain, he’s still perfect to you. pearlescent droplets coat is luxurious white lashes as they flutter against his pale ivory cheeks. his air, all the same, is pushed back from his forehead — exposing those dreamy eyes to you. they hold so much love, interwoven between each greyish-navy fleck dotted against his pupils. love that is all saved up for you.

a bright and angelic grin breaks out across your hot chocolate fenty glossed lips — almost blinding to the regular man but the most beautiful thing to satoru. the waiter prompts you, asking if you’re ready to order once more, to which you respond without looking “yes, thank you.” in a breathy, wispy tone.

jumping between both yours and gojo’s line of sight, your mother pops the bubble that you’re both in. “satoru gojo! is that you?” she squeals with a fond tone. “why do you look so skinny? have you been eating properly?”

your lover squirms like a child being picked apart as your mother reaches up to pinch his cheeks. 

“leave the boy alone, dear, i’m sure he’s been eating just fine.” comes your dad’s uninterested quip. “satoru my boy, how have you been?” 

you sink back into your seat patiently while satoru greets your parents — the charm rolling off of him in radiating heat waves. “i’ve been eating ma, though i think you’d have a fit if you saw what i was eating,” he kisses your mother’s cheek softly while she laughs so hard you think she might pop, and sets a firm hand on your father’s shoulder. “i’m good old man, thanks for askin’! hope you’re cutting back on the liquor.” 

“oh son, you know i don’t do any of that anymore!”

satoru scoffs kittenishly, gesturing between your dad and himself. “yeah, and i’ve stopped being the family disappointment!”

your parents love satoru. you can tell by the way they helplessly fall for his bravado and charisma. he’s magnetising — it’s hard not to fall for satoru in all of the ways possible to mankind. if he wasn’t so afraid of taking you seriously, you can’t help but think that he’d fit right into your family unit of four. it would be perfect, he would be perfect…as your boyfriend. your man. always by your side without hiding in and calling for you from the shadows. 

if only you weren’t such a coward. 

if only he weren’t so afraid.

if only…

suguru clears his throat in faux annoyance, pushing his best friend down by his wide-spanning into an unoccupied seat at the round table so that he’ll stop making a scene — despite how cheery it is. “behave yourself satoru! at least until i order the drinks.” your brother laughs, ruffling the moonlight locs on gojo’s head. he turns to you, face so bright and full of love. “any preferences, little sister?”

“moscato!” you nod without hesitation. you like things on the sweeter side.

“i knew you’d say that,” suguru affirms, taking his leave from the table. “i’ll see if the staff have anything special for you in the back.”

if only suguru wasn’t your older brother. 

maybe then you wouldn’t feel such nauseating levels of guilt as gojo swaps chairs to be one closer to you. maybe then you wouldn’t have to keep your face plain and your body rigid as familiar, pale and slender fingers danced up the inner thigh of your dress — beneath the cupcake skirt, to settle comfortingly and dangerously on it’s apex. maybe then you wouldn’t have to try so hard to control yourself around satoru and especially in front of your parents — who have taken to digging through the fancy menu together while the buzz of the table dies down in suguru’s absence.

you’re so nervous that you fear someone might hear the loud thump of your heart against its cage and the blood rushing through your ears — you don’t even want to look at satoru because you know that with how close he is, you’ll fall apart the minute that you do.

but then he squeezes your thigh, in a tender and affectionate gesture — tracing a heart over the blistering hot patch of your beautiful brown skin just to calm you down. because satoru gojo knows you like no other man. better than anyone, better than your brother even.

“you look…” he starts, his usually husky voice barely above a whisper. the words coagulate in his throat — held back by tethers of spinelessness and debilitating fear. “you’re stunning, sweetheart.” gojo compliments you quietly, the sweet string of words nipping at your ears softly — his long, lavish lashes tickling at the crown of your head from how close he’s gotten by leaning down.

if you turn your head now, you might even kiss him and every fibre of your being prickles with anticipation — desperate to do so. “you’re not so bad yourself, satoru.” 

his laugh fills your lower tummy with warmth. your heart rate picks up too.

“i mean it,” gojo reiterates. he’s desperate for you to look at him, for you to touch him. instead you bury your nose in an à la cart menu that you’re not even truly reading because the circumstances don’t allow for kissing, and holding and touching. not until satoru grows a pair and tells suguru the truth about your relationship and his feelings for you. “i’ve never seen anyone more beautiful.”

you can feel the heat from his breath coast across the surface of your cheek like a condensed mist over the warmed layer of seawater. it caresses you softly, sending shivers down your spine. “you look rather handsome too, satoru.” you joke, poking the hungry bear in its den by tilting your head ever so slightly in his direction. 

he smiles like he always does right before he kisses you, slow and sexy, but the sweet moment is interrupted by the sound of heavy glass borderline slammed on the table — right into the crevice between yourself and gojo. 

you dart apart, hearts racing and mind frazzled, only to find that suguru has returned with the wine he requested specifically for you. his face is hard set when you look up at him, his obsidian eyes darkened with suspicion and fear strikes you in the chest — he knows something, he suspects even more.

“sugu what are you—!”

your older brother lifts his chin with narrowed, cat like eyes. “i want to make a toast.” he announces, slicing through your words with a butcher's knife so sharp it makes both you and gojo squirm uncontrollably. like children being scolded for breaking the rules.

both of your parents put down their menus, excited, happy to be with the children they raised (including gojo) — they mistake your brother’s interruption for enthusiasm to celebrate your achievements. 

“suguru, we’ve hardly ordered anything!” 

“it’s never too late to start the festivities, ma.” he responds with a sly tone and slips into gojo’s previously empty seat to open the bottle of pink moscato. the cork popping makes you jump skittishly, and gojo’s hand slips away from your thigh underneath the table. 

the loss of his touch reminds you that as long as your brother is around, you’ll never be anything more than a little secret to satoru.

liquid gold in the shade of dusted rose pink is passed around the table in crystal glasses — raised in honour of you. suguru says your name, the bulk of his voice full of pride.

“a toast to you, my little sister.” 

you smile, tight lipped but warm — the guilt rushing back you. 

but then gojo’s hand returns to the apex of your thigh, smoothing over the skin under your dress to calm you down once more.

“and everything that you have achieved. congrats on graduating, squirt.” satoru finishes suguru’s toast lovingly, approved by your parents who break out into a round of applause before flagging down a waiter to get the real celebrations underway. they tell you to order whatever you would like, but you take to downing the crisp, sweet flavours of your wine first.

you chug the beverage like it’s cheaply made beer from the college parties you’d been to — the ones satoru stopped you from going to, the ones that you avoided out of loyalty to him where you sought out the commitment he wasn’t ready to give you, a light buzz simmers over your brain, dulling down your high-alert senses and you hope that the alcohol makes you feel anything but present in the moment so that you miss the tense look that gojo and geto share beside you. 

suguru is politely seething and satoru is playing pretend — acting as if there’s nothing wrong or nothing between you. your lover swirls his wine around in his glass, the pink tinted elixir sloshing over its edges before he takes a casual slip, ignoring your brother’s obvious dissatisfaction with satoru’s little addition to his toast.

“satoru.”

you gulp and fixate your gaze on other happenings deeper into the restaurant. your parents make their order. satoru squeezes your thigh once more.

“suguru.” 

could this be it? the moment that gojo tells the truth and the moment that your eldest sibling accepts what you have with his best friend? you twitch in your seat as the confrontation brews and the thunder of their clashing personalities and morals begin to strike. all suguru has to do is ask if he suspects something, and all satoru has to do is confirm the truth. say that he loves you, that you’re his girlfriend while your brother accepts it and is happy for you. 

you wish. that would be an ideal world. 

“you’re in my seat, satoru,”  is what geto settles on, the crescendo of their confrontation falling flat — missing a key note. “you’re sitting next to my sister. i was supposed to sit there.”

“really?” all satoru does is grin, and if you looked close enough, you could see the mischief dancing between the navy flecks in his stunning eyes. 

the waiter comes to take yours, your brother’s and your lover’s orders (after tending to your parents for most of the interaction) — not giving suguru any time to protest his best friend’s faux confusion.

gojo takes to swirling his moscato once more — daring to look your brother in his eye over the rim of his crystal glass. 

“i hadn’t even noticed.” 

the rest of the actual dinner seems to go smoothly after that.

your boys tone down their bickering in favour for scaring down tiny Michelin star starters — micro herbs and all. they’re still so childish, even as they sit either side of you, picking from one another’s plates in the same way that they did back when you were kids. you find yourself relaxing as the night progresses too — maybe this isn’t so bad and things could work out between the three of you. suguru and satoru have been joined at the hip for as long as you can remember, a girl (one that they both knew), let alone suguru’s sister wouldn’t come between the bond that they had. 

by the time the main dishes are served, you have enough alcohol in your system to feel nothing but a pleasant buzz in place of the nerves that once contaminated your bloodstream. you had nothing to be worried about, everyone was getting along, laughing and smiling while your parents indulged the three of you in drunken repeats of famed moments from your childhood. 

you do your best to listen in, though the story about how suguru and satoru pulled out one of your wobbly teeth in third grade is one that you’ve heard too many times to count. it’s sweet though, that your parents are able to reminisce like this while you’re all together…especially since suguru works long hours so far from home and you’ll be off to a new city by the time the month ends. 

even just having satoru there makes the night feel complete. there’s so much love to go around. 

there would be even more love if suguru knew about how you and satoru truly felt for one another. 

you’re only sucked back into the bustling conversation when geto pinches your side — jutting his head in the direction of your mother so that you can give your attention to her next story. “oh honey!” she coos and you cringe, chugging back your latest glass of wine in order to prepare yourself for whatever embarrassment is about to come next. “do you remember when your poor brother threw his white laundry in with those cute red undies you brought — suguru was wearing pink for months!” 

the whole table bursts into obnoxious laughter, and you sink down into your seat. 

“mom! oh my god!” 

“i remember that,” your brother comments casually, gaze slinking over to his best friend in amusement. “satoru wouldn’t let me hear the end of it, told me i looked like a barbie doll. what were you even doing with underwear like that anyways.” 

“sugu, not you too!”

“now i remember the pink shirts but… the underwear? i would have loved to see the culprit.” safely says with a voice as sultry as it is silky smooth — sending a jolt of electricity down your spine until it fizzles out at your tailbone. he gets scolded by your parents (more so by mom) and earns himself a harmless glare from geto who’s been loosened up by alcohol but from you — you’re furiously humiliated. 

under the table, you lift a foot to stamp down hard on his own with your heel, but gojo is quick to react — instead dragging his foot up the length of your calf, inciting you to join him in an enticing game of footsie.

you slam your hands down on the table in surprise causing everyone to look your way before you sheepishly wave them off. “stop it, gojo.” you snarl through the cage of your gritted teeth. 

he clicks his tongue, delighted by how flustered you are. “i’m not doing anything, pretty girl,” he purrs shallowly into your ear. “c’mon now, pay attention to the story.” 

“it was a frilly little thing, far too inappropriate for someone her age.” your dad chimes in and gojo nods — lifting his foot higher and higher until you’re shuddering all over. you don’t even think to stop him. 

“mom, dad. please stop before i end it all.” you struggle to place your words in the correct order, distracted by gojo’s touch. you place your hands under your thighs, keen on controlling your squirming as they squish together ever so slightly. you just know that satoru is enjoying this and if you looked at him you’d see satisfaction evident all over his stupidly handsome face. he likes knowing how much of an effect he has on you, that it’s easy to make you writhe all for him. 

“sorry sweetheart, but they really were cute! i know you were just trying out new things. starting to act mature for your age.” 

satoru chimes in again, leaning in a little closer so that his breath just tickles the shell of your ear. “bet they looked even cuter on her.” 

squeaking in embarrassment, you kick your chair back until it screeches loudly across the floor in a weak attempt to put some distance between yourself and the man who’s practically torturing you. of course, your escape plan doesn’t work, because satoru keeps a strong grip on the bottom of your seat — dragging it forward, back under the table, and closer to him, that same hand now resting on the wooden frame beneath your locked knees. 

coughing to cut up the tension growing between the two of you, suguru cuts in. “not as cute as her diaper phase!” from there, everyone is distracted by gushing over even more embarrassing childhood memories of you as a baby. obviously, leading to some tears from your parents’ end — you’ve grown so much, come so far. it’s only natural that they’d be emotional on a night like this, one meant to celebrate your achievements.

what isn’t natural, is the fact that you’re three seconds away from jumping satoru gojo’s bones right in front of them. 

god, he drives you fucking insane. just from messing with you under expensive linen tablecloths too — his thumbs brush over your knees, your feet tangled together and if he leans over you anymore you might just turn your head and kiss him. 

you fight that urge to do so by grasping at the cool silver pendant around your neck — tapping your acrylic jelly nails against the fat sapphire gem at its centre. the jewellery feels like ice against the temperate surface of your skin, a dirty need starting to bubble and brew beneath it hotly. one that can only be satisfied by satoru gojo. 

the heat spreads to the back of your neck and under the collar of your dress, even warming the chain that hangs loosely around it. it could just be the alcohol, but you know it’s something more. it’s an itch you can’t scratch on your own and a fire you can’t put out without help. suddenly the metal of your pendent is warm to the touch and slippery between your fingers whilst you continue to play with it in newfound sweaty hands. 

a subtle gasp slips past your chocolate glossed lips when the chain snaps somewhere and the rest of the metal slides between your buttery fingers, your pendant gathers at your bosom before dropping to the floor with a clatter. feeling around your neck for your precious gift, you let out a louder whine upon realising where it’s gone. suguru spares you a moment of his attention, concern drawn against the gentle slopes of his features. 

“you okay, little one?” 

“y-yeah,” you exhale slowly, trying to calm the anxiety that fires across your neurons. “i think i um… i dropped my necklace under the table.” 

an award winning beam slots itself perfectly on your brother’s lips as he chuckles under his breath. “you’re so clumsy, need my help?”

“just keep mom and dad distracted for me? it’s just under the table, i’ll be back for their next story before anyone notices.” you attempt to joke in order to appease him, you don’t need suguru to get a closer look at how wildly turned on you are nor the fact that gojo is sitting comfortably with his hand between your knees — inches away from where you need him most, where he’s been so many times behind your brother’s back. 

not to mention the fact that you’re still fucking playing footsie.

suguru shrugs and drops the subject, tuning back into your father’s rendition of your first skatepark experience. the one where you’d tried to copy satoru and suguru and attempted a trick on your chunky bratz scooter and went flying off the ramp. ouch.

you dip beneath the table cloth like you’re diving back under the surface of water, fishing around for your lost and precious pirate’s treasure. you can’t tell if satoru’s moved his hand, you don’t feel it slyly ghosting over the insides of your thighs while you lean forward and search for your necklace… not that it should matter, it’d be far from appropriate to have his long, slender fingers brushing up against your panties from under your skirts. it wouldn’t be right for that to escalate, for said fingers to push past your entrance and brush up against the spot satoru knows is guaranteed to make you scream. it would be immoral for you to even think about him sliding his cock into your wet, needy cunt too. somewhere secret, somewhere—

oh!

you giggle with triumph when your fingertips graze the cold metal decor of your necklace… however, when you move to grab it, you touch something else. something warmer. you touch him. 

with baited breath, you let your bambi eyes carefully trail up to gojo’s face — drinking in the hazy look that he gives you, the swirl of desire taking a flame in his brilliant, cerulean eyes. just by being under his gaze you feel as though you’re drowning and burning alive all at once. satoru is the one who moves first, taking your smaller hand in his large one before he turns it over — palm facing the sky and places your sapphire pendant inside of it. 

then, one by one, he closes your fingers around your brother’s gift and then brings your closed fist up to his plush lips, pressing a wet kiss to your knuckles as you gasp. “quiet, baby. wouldn’t want anyone to know what you’re up to down here…” 

his words die off, licking his lips slowly, stare predatory while it trails all over your body. “but ‘toru,” you mewl enticingly, keeping your tones hushed under the table. the sweet, dulcet sound makes his eyes flutter shut and body quiver with a wave of hunger, his sexual appetite for you growing by a tenth fold . “i need you.” you never make this easy for him. if someone were to take a peek beneath the table cloth, they would see the tension brewing between you both and put two and two together. 

you’d be discovered before having the chance to tell everyone yourself. 

time is ticking, your guests might start to grow suspicious if you don’t make a move and goad satoru into solving the ache between your thighs. so you jump the gun, grabbing his collar and tug him forward for a sly, sloppy yet quick kiss. “i won’t say it again after this, ‘toru,” comes your cheeky pant. “i need you.”

satoru chokes.

with that, you withdraw from your scared little bubble below the table and stand straight up — a dazzling and guiltless gin on display for your entire family to see. “i’m going to the bathroom,” you explain sweetly. “need to fix my pendant ‘n powder my nose. i’ll be back.” 

your family stops chattering briefly to acknowledge your wish, but as you leave — suguru stands too and grabs your wrist. “need me to help? i know the clasp can be finicky. i should have gotten you something easier to use—“

god bless suguru, your loveable brother, ever the cockblock. 

“that’s alright man, i’ve got her covered,” satoru suddenly appears behind you, the sweltering heat of his heaving chest singeing through the fabric of your dress. he places a hand on the small of your back, grinning with a charming spark to his eyes — deliberately masking “you should keep an eye on your parents, you know how they get when they’ve had too much to drink.” 

now, it’s not that geto doesn’t trust his best friend… after all, gojo has been a constant presence in your life ever since the three of you were kids. it’s just that sometimes, a feeling of unease stirs within suguru at the mere thought of you being alone together — it’s like one of those gut feelings you get before something goes terribly wrong. 

yet, as usual, satoru is right. if no one keeps an eye on geto’s parents, who knows what trouble they’ll get into on their own. 

“alright, fine. just don’t take too long, there’s only so many stories they can tell before dessert.” suguru reminds you plainly, as if not to assume the worst. he gives you both an approving nod, before letting you go. “and satoru, wait outside for her?” 

the white haired man snickers, a languid and jeering smirk slowly tugging on the corners of his mouth. “you got it, suguru!” 

he even adds a salute for effect, allowing you to lead him away from the table and towards your gateway of sin.

the uneasy feeling in suguru’s stomach intensifies as he watches you both walk further and further away. 

they say that a mirror is the window to your soul, reflecting how you truly feel on the inside. 

the girl staring back at you in the squeaky clean glass looks nothing like the little girl suguru helped to raise. her soul is impure, blackened by sin and the dark desire for human contact — the salacious dance and ritual between scorching hot bodies and saliva tainted tongues. she laughs at you over rushing tap water from the bathroom sink and calls to you like a siren’s song, inviting you to give into her — let her take the lead on the temptations plaguing your mind. 

why did you even suggest this? 

you’d been bold, hinted to satoru that you wanted him to devour you, ruin you in the bathroom of the restaurant your loving, kind older brother had picked especially to celebrate you. you knew better than this, you wanted better than this. you no longer wanted to be just a quick fuck to satoru gojo. 

you wanted to be his girlfriend. 

that’s what you’d asked him to do tonight. to make you his in front of everyone who loved you. but here you were, slutting yourself out for him like you always do. 

over the water pouring down the drain, you pick up on the sound of knocking at the bathroom door — prompting you to twist the tap and cut off the flow of water. unlike the flow of lustful hormones that shoot through your bloodstream and straight to your clit.

a new kind of excitement blossoms in your chest once you turn around to unlock the door — suguru would hate to see you so thrilled at the concept of doing something so wrong. you return to your position in front of the bathroom sink before your lover enters, toying with the silver chain on your pendant again — ignoring the burning feeling you get as it weighs down your palm.

the burn of underlying guilt.

“i can help with that.”

satoru purrs seductively as he enters the bathroom, gesturing to your pendant. you don’t turn to look at him but keep your eyes trained in his movements in the mirror. even when he isn’t touching you, you feel like you can’t breathe. his presence overshadows your own, shrinking you down into a tiny toy that sings oh so pretty for him whenever he wants.

you hear the lock click shut behind you. anticipation hums through the air like an electric current.

“the clasp is a little tricky,” comes your dreamy sigh, high pitched and needy — earning you a choked groan from your lover. “i can’t do it on my own, not without help.”

the next time gojo speaks, he’s right behind you — chest pressed to your back, arms either side of your hips and large hands on the bathroom counter, his head practically nestled into the junction between your shoulder and your neck. wisps of snowfall like hair tickle at your bare skin while warm breath causes goosebumps to rise across its surface. 

“then let me fix it for you,” satoru suggests enticingly — keeping up this little act, pretending to be raunchy strangers, while your fingers brush against one another and he takes the jewellery from you. you straighten your back, hold your breath and nod cautiously as he brings it up to your neck from behind. your eyes catch each other’s in the mirror, his darkened with devoir all while he offers you a enthralling, toothy smirk. “relax, pretty girl. i don’t bite…”

except he does. if satoru is a hunter, a lion, then you are nothing but a sacrificial lamb that serves to be his prey. if he really wanted you, he could take your dainty neck between his vicious jaws and snap it — you wouldn’t even mind…because you’d let satoru do anything to you so long as it meant having all his focus be on you. 

“lift your chin for me.” he commands you huskily, nipping at the shell of your ear. “good girl.” satoru continues to drawl, extending the ‘o’ sound in his words when you follow his instructions obediently — tilting your head back so that he can adjust your necklace to sit perfectly in place. “such a good girl f’me.” 

when his fingers fix the clasp and touch teasingly at the nape of your neck — you find yourself instinctively pushing back against gojo’s lap, the curve of your fleshy ass sweeping over the slight tent beginning to form in his expensive designer slacks. slacks that you know you’re going to destroy before the night meets its end. 

“t-there we go,” gojo doesn’t dare step back after finishing up with your necklace, enjoying the sight of you slightly bent over the counter as you grind your hips back on him painfully slow — testing the waters. “fuck lil’ lady…what’s this all about, hm? tryna thank me for doin’ such a good job, helpin’ you out?” his hands slip over your own as they rest by the sink, lacing your fingers together while satoru puts some weight on you — looming over you as he starts to rut forward and meet you in the middle of this raunchy bump and grind. “s-shit…keep…keep throwin’ it back on me like that.”

“we don’t…we don’t have long, satoru. hah, fuck!” you sigh breathlessly, rocking back and forth on your man eagerly and clenching around nothing when his erection catches on your budding clit. satoru’s lips ascend on your neck with careful thought, using their plumpness to shift the strap of your dress to the side and reveal more of you to his greedy, deep blue eyes. they’re wet on your skin, perhaps he’s been licking them in anticipation, hot at the very tip of your cervical spine — but he can’t leave marks, not unless he wants your brother to see.

satoru trembles behind you, lazily dragging his tongue to the sweet spot just behind your ear — leaving a shimmering trail of possession across your skin. “i know baby, i know,” he says almost instantly, delayed by tasting you on his tongue. suddenly, you feel a wetness against your cunt that isn’t your own — you’re already so wet that the seat of your panties are practically glued to your fonts, but this… this is satoru. his dick dribbles pathetically with precum, gearing up to fuck. to breed. satoru grows angstier by the second, one hand letting go of yours to manhandle you back onto his stiff hard on, his breath much heavier against you than before. “but it feels so good doesn’t it? just wanna keep…my cock…nestled against you like this.” 

pride flutters through all four chambers of your heart simply because you know that you’re the only one who can get satoru gojo to act like such a slut. he’s so desperate for your pussy it doesn’t even matter how he takes it, just as long as it’s his. 

only you get to reduce gojo to a needy mess, soft pink fanning across his nose and cheeks as he humps you from behind like a wet, mangy dog in rut. he circles his hips, pushing them forward so that his throbbing length meets your sticky, fat panty clad folds in a constant motion — his needy moans like music to your ears. 

“i wanna fuck you,” you huff impatiently, using your strength to push gojo away from you just long enough to turn around. he follows your lead, hiking you up to sit on the bathroom counter before you wrap your legs around his tiny waist and squeeze him close. “gonna fuck me, ‘toru? or do i have to — fuck…do it myself.”

now that you’re facing each other, you can see just how wrecked the man is. his eyelids grow heavy, long and lavish white lashes weighed down by mirth. gojo pants, his tongue doused with spit lolled over his bottom lip with a hankering urge to kiss you. “jeez,” he simpers in awe, impressed with how controlling you’re being this time around — squeezing your hips to control the flow of you grinding back and forth on him. “at least kiss a guy first.” 

grinning, your fingers surge upwards from the counter and into the depths of white rooted hair. you tug gojo down to meet you halfway and before he can even register it — your lips are roughly slotted together, bruisingly close and your tongue laps tracks into the hot cavern of his mouth. the kiss quickly turns sloppy, needy, spit is easily exchanged between synchronised moving lips while your noses become neighbours and your lungs burn from how desperately they need oxygen.

you don’t want it, you think. you don’t need it, you say to yourself — hardly pulling away from gojo as you both suck in a much needed breath. you’re back on one another in a heartbeat, drowning in one another while his practised hands traverse up the curves and dips of your body. they settle at your throat, a thumb gently pushing against its centre just to test you. a dark chuckle reverberates in satoru’s chest when you whine, back arching up to meet him and your eyes growing misty.

“how’s that for a kiss?” you whine against his wet mouth, yanking at gojo’s roots again. the action earns you a grunt in response — blissful, low and predatory. his hips jump up too, tucking his swelling cock into the snug pocket of your puffy folds.

“think i want another,” he muses out loud, the chocolaty octaves of satoru’s voice making you shudder — liquid gold beginning to gather between your ravaged pussy lips. using his grip on your throat, the silver haired man pulls you closer — his perfect white teeth sinking into the delicious swell of your bottom lip before he tugs it away from you salaciously. it’s barely enough to quell the spark of hunger spreading throughout all four limbs of his body, hardly calming down the blood that rushes to his achingly hard dick as he rubs it against your increasingly soaked mound.

when your lips find each other again, they’re swollen, cherry red and raw — smacking against one another loudly over the sound of rustling clothes while you buck into one another. everything is so hot and heavy, you’re so wet and so sticky for satoru and your little rendezvous has barely begun. the way he sucks on your tongue, let’s you push it down his throat while his clothed seedy tip nudges your clit over and over again has you bouncing off the walls in your mind. you can’t think without thinking of all the ways to fuck satoru gojo. 

he’s on your mind all the time and you’re not sure if you want that to change. 

“can…oh man—can feel how wet you are through your fuckin’ clothes…” satoru hums in astonishment, releasing you from the prison of his lip lock with pretty pink swollen lips, allowing his head to drop to your shoulder in favour for sucking on it to pacify himself. he keeps his tip on your pleasure bud, revelling in the way you keenly pulse at the sensation. “oh fuck…so sticky.”  

your pussy flutters at his observation, even more so with how cute satoru sounds when he’s so needy for you. “satoru…” you mewl, stroking back tufts of his sweaty pale hair — though it hardly distracts him from feverishly fucking you over layers of fabric. “wanna suck you off, gojo. can i? wanna have you in my mouth.” 

satoru pauses, his breathing uneven and pulls away from his safe spot in your neck. “fuck…really? now?” 

you nod, tiny hands forcing their way between your heated bodies to toy with his belt, unbuckling it with practised ease. “right now.” 

“okay…fuck, okay.” satoru steps back and uses a grip on your hips to help you down onto your feet, watching with pride as you slowly descend to your knees in front of him. “oh baby. you’re so dirty. such a dirty little girl, mmm?” he grins, a little twisted. “show me how pretty you look on your knees for me.” 

you sit back on your haunches as satoru adjusts himself to lean back on the counter — looking up at him with sweet shiny eyes which occasionally shoot down to his throbbing hard cock as he manspreads in place. the sight makes your mouth water and 

“you’re staring, baby. go ahead and open your present.” he tilts his head with an air of condescension about him — teasing and taunting you through a faux pout, making you simper out for satoru. “come on now, what happened to my brave little girl? you wanted to suck me off so bad, where’s all that big talk now, huh?” satoru continues to leer down at you, his eyes darkening malignantly — the sapphire shine within them dimming with a raging storm cloud as if to block out the sun. “open that cute little mouth, lemme see it. don’t disappoint.” he cups your cheek, entire body bristling with joy and underlying pleasure when you keen into satoru’s touch like a good girl.

obediently, your lips part and mouth falls open — revealing ropes of saliva that tie your tongue to the roof of your mouth. it does something to satoru, it’s like a power trip to have you on your knees for him. you’ve got love in your eyes taking the form of heart-shaped pupils, as you admire him like he’s your god. and you want that god’s cock stuffed into your waiting, drooling mouth. 

you shouldn’t adore satoru, treat him as if he’s your lifeline. he’s the whole reason your family might fall apart, he keeps you hidden as if you’re a treasure only he is worthy of seeing. he doesn’t show you off, he chooses to use you for his own gain, he chooses you when there’s no one else left to turn to. your relationship with satoru has never been stable, but even now when he’s hanging above you — rosy cheeked and starry eyed about to fuck you in some bathroom, you still want him. you still love him. 

“don’t get lost in that pretty little head of yours baby,” gojo leans forward and brushes his thumb under the well of your wet lips and over your Cupid’s bow — smudging what's left of your gloss. “‘m gonna need you to think for a little while. only ‘bout me ‘n my cock. yeah?” his free hand that once had been abandoned on the countertop takes yours — guiding it over the bulge in his crisp dress pants, hissing when you start to rub at it on your own, your mouth still wide open for him. “you’re so pretty. feel that? you make me so hard that it hurts.”

you find yourself dazed and enchanted — panting, chest heaving as your hunger for him grows. “feel it, want you, ‘toru.” satoru thinks you’re so cute, cupcake dress poofing up against the cold floor as your tiny hand paws at him back and forth, back and forth and the little smile you give him when he pulsates beneath your talented little fingertips would be nearly enough to make him explode. 

“of course you do, baby. you want your reward.” gojo relents, giving in to you. he swoops down to give you one last kiss, barely ghosting his lips over your swollen ones to keep you on the edge — craving just a little bit more. he dangles the static pleasure of a kiss that you get over your brain in front of you like a carrot in front of a horse. he knows that if he keeps you that way, you’ll stay desperately in love with him, malleable into the perfect girl for him. 

it’s selfish and both of you know that.

you rub harder and harder at the outline of satoru’s shaft and scoot closer to rest your chubby cheek on his firm thigh. he sees the way your own squeeze together from under your dress, probably in an attempt to keep your arousal at bay while your hole slicks itself up — but he can smell you, sweet and potent like a flower in bloom. if he were to pull you up to his height and take you now, satoru is sure your panties would be soiled, ass cheeks and pussy lips coated in a layer of your opaque, honey-like arousal while it oozes directly from you.

that’s just how you are, a candied little mess for satoru gojo. it’s almost a fact and the very notion should be humiliating for you, should be shameful to you. if your brother were to ever find out how weak your resolve is when it comes to satoru, how you fall to your knees so easily for him  — then you might never be able to look him in the eye again. 

but isn’t that what you want? 

to have suguru know just how badly you’d fallen for his best friend? 

how you might fail to live without him? 

all night all you’ve been thinking about is satoru telling your brother the truth — but here you are, locked in a bathroom ready to worship this man while you hide from your entire family. from reality. 

because you’re happiest in this bubble with gojo and you’re sure he is too — he can have you in all the ways he’s ever wanted and you’d let him do it all to you too. yet again, you remain entirely unaware that from gojo’s point of view, you’re more than a pretty girl about to suck his pretty cock. you’re everything to him.

“come on baby, stop playin’ with me. baby please.” satoru whines petulantly into the sex tainted air that fizzles with suspense. his skin buzzes with every touch you give and a wicked chuckle resonates deep within his chest when you scoot closer on your knees — dragging the tip of your tongue over his dick print hesitantly. though the sound is cut short when you give his hard-on a tentative squeeze to text the waters, opaque and runny white smearing against the inside of satoru’s underwear. 

you adore how much he trembles, gripping your shoulder to steady himself since knows that you don’t like the idea of your head being pushed down on. even if it’s torture for him to be so patient — he’d never do anything you didn’t like. 

but it really is killing him, and you’re fully aware. he deserves to be punished like this, after everything he’s put you through — it doesn’t mean you’re not suffering yourself. circling your hips into the cold bathroom floor to get some friction yourself, beyond turned on at the sight of a breathless satoru gojo above you. 

“say that again.” you moan.

gojo’s head drops and he lets out a shaky breath as if he’s about to cry. “w-what?” 

“beg me again, then i’ll suck your cock.” you sneer up at your silver haired lover evilly just as your mouth meets his sticky clothed cockhead, the spit and heat from your mouth seeping through the layers of fabric in your way. “i wanna hear you moan for me, ‘toru. like you love me.” you press, switching to taking the man’s zipper between the rows of your teeth. 

satoru gojo has never been a stickler for the rules, whatever he does is usually for his own personal gain…but when you command him like that, he can’t help but to blindly stumble after you, hanging onto your every sugar-coated word. “fucking hell, please baby. need to feel your mouth on me…fuck, your tongue,” gojo rambles on weakly. “please, please, want it so bad i might fucking die.” he does some of the work for you, shedding his belt and causing it’s buckle to clink satisfyingly against your ears. 

satoru’s eagerness sends a shockwave of pleasure straight to your clit. your patience seems to be wearing thinner than his, for you jump forward like a cat on the prowl and peel back the remaining layers of satoru’s clothes without mercy for any of the fabrics. his gasps and muttered pleas coax you into the dark, addictive enigma that is satoru gojo — clouding your mind whilst setting your body on fire with hell flames.

you kiss at satoru’s slender hips the more his pants and boxers come down, twirling your tongue into the tufts of silver hair that form his happy trail too. a soft, honeysuckle chuckle from you resounds in the bathroom’s echoing chamber when you finally reveal enough of gojo’s cock for it to spring free — twitching as it’s exposed to fresh air. satoru is longer where he might lack thickness, though he’s chubby enough to keep you plugged full of his cum usually. his balls are plump and pink, heavy with a load that’s just waiting to be spent on you — evidence of his arousal taking the form of opaque pearls set at the tip of his dick.

speaking of, gojo’s cockhead burns bright red and shines as if it’s glossed and sticky like your lips — blue pulsating veins spiral around his flushed shaft, rivalling the shade of his eyes as he observes your next moves. you’re sure to make your touch tender as you take his entire length between your fingers, smoothing the supple pad of your thumb over his sensitive tip and rubbing the precum into it sweetly.

he smells so good, the musky scent of satoru’s cock and his arousal act like the fumes of a drug you know all too well — it takes over your consciousness and stream of thought, controlling your actions from then on. you feel everything all at once, your tongue writhing in place at the bottom of your mouth, satoru’s thighs trembling lightly and his cock throbbing while blood rushes through it. a haughty moan scratches at the ridges in his throat when you finally grip him properly — soft little hands dwarfed by his sheer length, palm brushing over the flushed forked veins that separate at the base. “j-jesus, beautiful,” satoru hisses, lips between his sharp white teeth. “you gotta give a little…drivin’ me insane with these little touches. please just suck it…please i’m beggin’ you—“ 

the air in his lungs grows thin like that at the peak of a mountain when you finally give in, dragging your lips over the cream gathering at his mushroomed cockhead before kitten-licking through its seedy slit in order to tease him a little more. opening up your mouth, you prepare to swallow satoru down, just as you have done many times before. you know everything he likes, what makes him tick, what has him cumming in seconds…however, just as your warm breath coasts along his shaft — he pulls back from your hold. 

“wait,” he says through a shudder. “you wanna smoke?” satoru pulls a joint from his crumpled pocket, licking his lips as he searches for its partner in crime — a lighter.

you frown, choosing to palm him instead of taking him into your mouth just yet. his cock jumps at the simple movement, leaking milky white against your knuckles, tainting your skin. “we’ll get into trouble, ‘toru.” you state like it’s obvious, speaking over the slick sound of your hand gently pumping satoru. your movements are aided by just how wet his cock is, fingers slipping and sliding up and down his girth whilst being guided by the thick globs of precum beading at his tip.

“s-since when did you care about the rules? you’re fucking me here, aren’t you?” his breathing falters as he shakily attempts to set the end of his joint alight. you don’t dare stop pleasuring your brother's best friend, even if there’s a nagging voice at the back of your head telling you that this is bad, that it’s all too much. “help me out for a sec, beautiful? hold this in your mouth while i light it.” satoru’s voice drops an octave as he shoves the splif between your arousal glossed lips (replacing the fenty that once spread their shine across them)  — he stares you down through his long, white lashes as he flicks the lighter at the end, setting fire to the rizzler. “thank you, little one.” 

the pet name makes your skin crawl and the weed in your mouth only amplifies that voice in your head. you should quit while you still can, you might be able to cope with the withdrawals then, and spend the rest of your life making it up to suguru for leading him astray. little one. the nickname he’d so fondly called you quickly becomes something you hate. it’s meaning changed easily by none other than satoru gojo. 

his power over you is still so strong despite his cock being at the mercy of your feather light grip and plush lips. once you set a steady rhythm to jerking gojo off and the joint burns dangerously close to your nose, he takes it from you and lovingly pats your cheek — placing it between his own lips before blowing a ring of smoke into the humid air.

satoru’s head collapses back against the mirror, his moonshine hair perfectly tousled despite being out of place. his locks stick to the icy surface of the glass, brought on by the cold sweat from your temperate mouth. the pair of you share a harmonious tune of wet whimpers and gargled gripes when you take your lover down your throat, sinking down on him until your nose nudges the prickliness of his happy trail. 

you flex your tongue, letting it swirl around satoru’s girth from the base to the tip. “o-oh fuck, baby!” he exclaims through a hybrid sound, a cross mix between a raspy chuckle and high pitched moan. shakily; satoru takes a puff of his joint as if to calm himself down. he looks down at you with a lustful, love laden gaze, dropping a hand to the top of your head — careful not to push on it as you work your mouth down on him. “don’t worry… ‘m not gonna fuck your mouth. know you don’t like that, just wanna…touch you.” it nearly kills him as well, the way you look up, with shiny eyes and full cheeks. “god, you take it so well, huh?”

of course, satoru had been the one to teach you how to suck dick back when you first started messing around two years ago. he’d coaxed you through it, teaching you step by step so you could get him off just how he liked. he made it so that you wouldn’t ever want to please a man the same way you pleased him — rewiring all the nerves in your brain to make sure it was only gojo that you wanted to deep throat. 

so you nod diligently in reply, swallowing down on gojo and letting out a gentle hum that causes dopamine to crackle along the insides of his skull.  hollowing your cheeks, your throat contracts around his thick length until you feel his bulbous tip dragging over your uvula — testing your own talented mouth. he’s so glad that he taught you how to do that, you down on your knees, entrapping him in the searing heat of your hellfire mouth. if suguru could see you now, he’d only be able to picture the spawn of the devil and it’s cruel how you don’t even care. after everything he’s done for you. 

your eyes flutter shut at the heaviness of satoru’s dick on your tongue, forcing you to taste the viscous precum that oozes down your throat in slow waves. the flavour is just as addictive as the scent of weed tangling with sex in the air — you don’t see yourself going to rehab either. 

eventually, you decide to pull off of satoru with a lewd pop, filling your lungs with the oxygen they so dearly missed. you find yourself light headed for deep-throating him for that long but you also find it to be completely worth it — especially because of the look of pride satoru gives you. “such a pretty little cockslut,” he sucks his teeth, petting your head and brushing his hand over the square partings of your braids. “you look so happy sucking on my cock, baby. didn’t think you were gonna come up for air.”

in place of your mouth, your palm starts to stroke satoru at a steady pace — slickening up the centre of your hand. he’s so big between your hands you can only imagine how he’ll feel stretching you out later tonight, causing drool to pool in your mouth like a hot flash flood as you catch your breath. vivid azure eyes flutter at the salacious mix of pain and pleasure when you give satoru’s shaft a teasing squeeze, using your other hand to give the same treatment to his plump, sore balls.

somehow, he manages to continue on muttering taunting you. “cause i’m the only thing you need, right? who needs air to breathe when you have me feeding my cock into that hot, wet open mouth.” he drags a thumb over your bottom lip, pulling it down as he looms over you — breathing a cloud of cannabis smoke into you. shot-gunning you while you continue to jerk him off, it tastes of him and the alcohol in his breath and the weed on his tongue. he looks so good above you like this, hooded eyes and rose tinted cheeks. satoru is the perfect picture of god’s work and you’d be foolish to pretend that the sight of him didn’t make your cunt throb and a familiar feeling begin to stem in the pit of your stomach. “good fucking girl.”

he thrusts shallowly through your closed fist matching his rhythm to the tune in which you flick your wrist. you waste no time in working up a pace fast enough to have your lover melting like putty in your hands — literally. you miss his cock in your mouth, how heavy it makes your tongue feel and paw at his spit slicked erection like a puppy begging for treats. 

“when you t-touch me like that…” satoru drawls, notes of praise layered over his whiny voice makes your own juices gather at the crotch of your panties, makes your head spin but that might just be the weed. “i could fucking cum, baby.”

sweat beads in large, fat droplets at gojo’s hairline, darkening the bright colour of his hair. the liquid soaks through his white shirt too, showcasing how fucked out he truly is. he thrusts again, and again, and again, chasing the high your hand gives his creamy aching cock. “then let me make you cum,” you giggle, dropping your head slightly to make out with the sloppy tip of satoru’s dick, lapping happily at whatever he gives you. “let me taste you.” 

a dirty laugh rings in the buzzing air and gojo throws the burly arm that holds his joint over his wet face, wiping it clean of all the sweat. in the next moment, he cups the youthful roundness to your pretty face — calloused fingertips digging into your baby fat cheeks and sun-kissed skin. “that’s cute, but i’m not quite done with you yet, gorgeous.” still hunched over you, gojo finds the milky trail his cock has left over the seam of your lips and kisses you — dangerously slow. he simpers at the taste of himself on your lips, tangling with the plastic-like taste from the remainders of your gloss. he licks the sweat from your Cupid’s bow as well. 

he sucks the precum from your tongue and licks harsh stripes into your mouth — reaching further back to cup the back of your head, keeping you pressed against him. the both of you moan like idiots into one another’s mouths, drinking down the song of blissful laments and greedy gripes. the kiss seems to last forever, going on and on until you wince at the slight burn of satoru’s joint against your cheek, but you never stop jerking him off — slick and dewy sounds of skin meeting skin providing the adlibs to your nasty, sex song. 

only then does satoru let you go, though, his hips continue to dart forward and ram into your closed fist — they contradict with his words. while gojo wants so much more, they chase his innate desire to cum. paint your pretty face or your talented tongue. their rhythm is assaulting and aberrant. 

“but you’re so close…” you tempt him with your silky voice, dipping your head and bobbing it once more to encompass his lengthy girth into your heated mouth again. dopamine sparks like explosions across the synapses in his brain when he witnesses your cheek bulge from the force of taking his tip in, his slit rubbing deliciously against the soft epithelium there. gojo doesn’t know how he’ll survive after tonight, when you force him to confess to your family and everything blows up in his face. 

oh how he’ll miss your cute little mouth sucking down his cock like your life depends on it.

“you’re right, shit…you’re right, princess,” satoru pants avidly, taking another drag of the joint nestled between his shaky fingers — he throws his head back as the grey smoke hits the fresh hair, tainting it with the scents and flavours from the kiss he’d given to your sinful mouth. “i think i might…ohhhh ohhh. i really wanna—“ he throws his head back and you can tell that your lover is really trying to stave off his orgasm to make this last forever. 

you still in surprise when he jams a boot between your soaked thighs from underneath your dress. “‘toru!” comes your little gasp, grinding down on the cold leather if his shoe instinctively. he used the toe of his chelsea boot to pull back the hood of your clit, pressing down on the swollen bud to stimulate you. w-what are you doing?”

“g-gotta make you cum before i do,” he offers as a weak explanation all while spreading your puffy pussy lips apart. 

you lavishly run your tongue through the opening of satoru’s cockhead, moaning at the taste and texture but continuing to hump his foot happily. “s’a bit late for that, baby.” you say with a sultry voice, low and sexy. “you can just eat me out afterwards.” 

“do we even…? o-oh, okay. ‘m there… i-i’m close,” he trips and stumbles through his words, losing control of his taut hips that batter your poor, dripping fist while you spit down onto him. the frothy mix slides down and catches on the prominent veins spiralling around his dick to the base. which you give a squeeze. “do we even have time for that?” gojo asks, struggling to breathe through the smoke from his joint.

“i guess you’ll just have to hurry up ‘n cum for me. be quick, and we’ll see.” you glance up at him, so debauched yet so innocent. like a pretty flower tended to and cared for (by suguru) except you have prickly, threatening thorns. 

gojo’s release starts to sneak up on him, senses heightened by the recreational drug coursing through the healthy blood in his veins. “y-you’re so bad. h-how the fuck did i get involved with you?” he laughs loud and menacingly, whilst looking completely and utterly deranged. gojo doesn’t let up on stimulating your pussy, humming around the spliff tucked between his perfect lips when you gush in response to him. dirty, depraved little girl. “g’na cum. g’na cum! let me cum. fuck, where do you want it?” 

“i can swallow, satoru. give it to me.” your mouth and wrist begin to hurt — but you find it all worth it to have satoru collapse above you, lose to the snap of the thin thread of his sanity. he grabs ahold of his own dick, taking over from you, and smiles brilliantly when you stick out your tongue just for him. it rolls over your pretty lower lip, cherry red from your ministrations and slightly swollen from it all. 

one. two. three. 

he taps his soiled cockhead against the slobbery palette of your tongue — feeding you the last stream of his precum right before his big release. you press a hand to gojo’s tummy, feeling it fight and contact against your touch. he can’t hold back anymore, everything is too hot and too tight and too much. the roll up of weed between his teeth is gone, his beautiful eyes are hidden away from the world and before either of you know it — his high is hitting him like a tonne of bricks. 

just like that, gojo loses the steady stream of his hips and his orgasm rips through him, warm and viscous seed floods your mouth — even seeping out at the corner of your bruised lips. it spurts copiously from his ravaged cock, painting your throat a shade of white too. 

“h-holy shit!” satoru cries out loudly, tears springing to his eyes and gathering in his lashes. you don’t stop pumping at his dick until he’s done cumming, catching any misfires of his arousal with your tongue. you swallow in satisfaction and take to leaving small kisses against his tummy and hip bones until he stops trembling and returns to earth from the bright, silver moon that blessed his hair. 

he quickly abandons his joint.

even though his legs are shaky and he can hardly breathe, static ringing loudly in his ears — satoru finds the strength within himself to pick you up from the floor and manhandles you against the bathroom door. a streak of excitement courses through you while you set your palms flat on the surface, allowing satoru to squish your left cheek against it too. 

you’re barely able to turn your head back to look at him, a shy and coy smile spreading across your lips when you catch a glimpse of the dark expression coasting over satoru’s handsome features. “oh? what’s gotten into you?”

“you think i’m just gonna let you make me cum like that, and i’m not gonna get you off?” he answers your question with a question, growling out the syllables of each word impatiently. “i wish i could just rip this damn dress off’a you. it’s such a shame we have to go out there and say hi to your family afterwards.” using his foot, gojo kicks your ankles apart so that you’re nice and spread open for him — he inhales nastily while pushing your skirts up to sit at your hips, breathing in the scent of your gooey cunt as it cries for him. cries to be filled up by him. if asked, he could recognise the sweet aroma from your sex like a bloodhound chasing after a target. he’s got you committed to memory, he loves you that much.

the tulle of your dress rivals the colour of his eyes even when darkened with debauchery — it turns him on to know you wear his colour so proudly even in front of suguru. his hands shake as he messes with the fabric and you can just tell he’s fighting off the urge to tear it away from your body. if only you had the time. if only you were the only two people in the world. 

without suguru, he could love up on you for hours with no issues. without suguru, you could perhaps be together without having to hide. without suguru — well, you hate yourself for even thinking that way. he’s your brother… and you need him. but clearly not as much as you need satoru to fill you up with something — tongue, fingers, cock. you’d take it all right now. take all of him. 

you’re distracted by the feel of your lover’s searing lips against your naked shoulders, swooping down to place kisses on them tenderly. they’re more fluid, softer as satoru’s fingertips trickle over your breasts and pinch your pebbling nipples from over the bust of your dress. they cascade down to your waist next and suddenly your dress feels all too tight around your hips. your panties too sticky between your folds. you want them both off, and fast. 

“s-satoru,” you murmur needily, arching your back into his broad chest — shivering at the roughness of his shirt on your skin. “satoru, please.” you add, hissing when his curious fingers delve beneath your skirts to press into the seam of your underwear, getting a feel for your wetness and how ready you are for him.

he shifts his fingers upwards, working them up to massage your clit in warm and rough circles — distracting you from giving gojo a proper answer so he can play with you a little more. “hmm?” comes gojo’s lazy reply. his head drops to your neck again and his tongue leaves a snails trail of saliva over the path of kisses he’s left on your skin “what’s the matter, baby? what do you need?” he mumbles in a lower octave right into your ear, tufts of white hair tickle your skin, only causing goosebumps to rise across it in a ripple effect.  

pouting, your hips rise enough for him to possibly stick his hands down your panties to touch you properly — but satoru chooses to be mean, moving up to rub your tummy teasingly. “for you to… mph, please.” 

“come on now little one. what is it that you’re after?” he scolds you playfully, toying with the little ribbon on the scalloped edge of your panties. you hate that him teasing you only serves to make you hush and turn you on more, a small trickle of your arousal running down your inner thigh. “use your words, be my good little girl,” pinging your waistband against your stomach, satoru adds to the seed of desire growing there — helping it to grow and nurturing it. “my fingers? my tongue?” 

“t-tongue!” you squeal at the painful sting, not in pain — because you like it when gojo hurts you a little bit. it’s like a punishment for betraying your older brother. 

“thank you for telling me, baby, your wish is my command.” at first, satoru doesn’t make a move to eat you out — instead, forces his hand deep into your panties to touch your clit, nice and raw. the silver haired man grins at the way you clench around nothing as he circles your tight little entrance and squirt small dribbles of your juices for him. “fuck, you’re so fucking wet for me, even now. even after sucking my cock and grinding on my shoe. if only suguru could see how nasty you are right now.” he could, at any moment geto could knock on that door and see you dripping on his best friend’s hand. the sentiment shouldn’t make you more aroused, you should make you feel horrified. 

but as gojo dips a finger into your greedy little pussy, you realise that you’re just as depraved as him and that in the moment — you really don’t care. 

because all you feel is ecstasy. 

pushing back onto the sole finger squirming about against your squishy insides, you decide that you’ll deal with geto and the consequences of fucking his best friend later — rather, choosing to focus on how satoru immediately finds your g-spot because he knows your gummy, rippling walls like the backs of his masterful hands. the same hands and digits that skilfully trace the letters of his name into your pulsating clit.

“mmph… oh fuck. f-fuck you!” reaching between your soiled thighs and underneath a plethora of tulle, you grip gojo’s wrist to keep him in place, locked between your legs with his fingers stuffed in your cunt.

“fuck me, baby?” he coos to you in a patronising tone. “oh, sweetheart. i’m about to fuck you. gonna make you cum so hard. make you see stars…no, galaxies.” satoru pulls his finger out and nudges your sticky thighs apart again just to make sure that he has the space, enough room to cup the entirety of your sopping mound from over the fabric. so hot and filthy and sappy for him. satoru laments in satisfaction, yanking your panties down in one fail swoop and watching with perverted cobalt eyes as strings of your slick tie your honeyed sex to the material. 

sniffling, you turn your head back as far as it’ll go to stare down your boyfriend with big, wet eyes and a blubbering voice. “please... i can’t wait anymore…” you hiccup like a petulant child who had their favourite toy stolen. pleading for something, anything to alleviate the unbearable yearning twisting in your gut.

your lover tsks in response, slowly descending to his knees behind you while his fingers coated in your succulent nectar grasp and knead at your fleshy ass — streaking it with clear marks. “okay, okay…poor baby.” gojo says airly in an attempt to console you like a mother would her crying infant. “you’re so needy, pretty girl. if anyone walking by could hear you, they’d think i weren’t fucking you right.” that’s far from true and the both of you know it, satoru is the only one who could appease you, take care of all your sexual needs — outside of that…you’re not so sure. you’re then reminded that suguru wouldn’t want satoru taking care of you ever. it makes your stomach flip with a confusing mix of lust and guilt. 

“you want it that bad, don’t ya? you wanna feel good.” the man purrs from behind you, salacious voice a breath’s width away from your cunt while he licks a trail up your inner thigh. the vibrations reverberate through your skin, dancing right up to your swollen, unattended clit. “promise i’ll make you feel so, so good.” you’re almost embarrassed at how much you throb against gojo’s lips when he shoves his face into your pussy from behind, nudging his nose over your pleasure bud in circles until you open up for him like a flower in bloom. 

you grind back against him passionately, rubbing your luscious and drenched folds all over his handsome face in an attempt to tame the itch of bliss that spreads through each and every one of your limbs. you’re tempting him but your sweet little whimpers and circling hips hardly coax satoru away from what he’s planning. his tongue doesn’t fuck it’s way past your quivering entrance like he’d said, but instead is replaced by a heavy hand smacking down hard on your pussy. 

“satoru!” you cry out in an awful mix of delight and shock, sounding a little unhinged. “y-you promised!”

“yeah, yeah. i know… couldn’t help it. i just love it when you cry for me.” juices run down his forearm as if he’s bitten into a ripened peach and satoru gets the perfect view of your juicy ass jiggling for him too. he amorously slurps up the trail, leaning forward with an appetite to eat you out for real this time and nestled his tongue between your twitching, titillating folds. 

he repeats the process again and again and again, smacking your poor pussy until you really are crying — chest heaving while you sob from both ends, tears ruining your perfect baby blue eyeshadow for the night. not having gojo’s mouth on you is like hell on earth, being spanked until you’re raw is torture too, especially when you’ve been holding back an orgasm for at least fifteen minutes. nevertheless, it all feels so fucking heavenly. 

you search for a vice, something you can ground yourself with and settle for scraping your nails along the doors. satoru chuckles, tapping your sticky ass lovingly and even going as far as to kiss you there. “alright, i’ve had my fun and i’m done messing with you baby,” he hums sweetly, “lean back for me, put it on me baby. let your man eat you out.” 

wrapping a strong arm around your middle, gojo pulls you back onto his awaiting, eager mouth. the first thing he does is slot his mouth against the entirety of your soaked slit, moaning loud and tugging at your heartstrings while the vibrations send you spiralling. the very tip of his tongue slips past your entrance with slight resistance from how thick it is, wriggling about in order to search for that special spot that makes you see stars. he press kisses, wet and sloppy, miscalculated, between your swollen folds and slurps up whatever you leak as if you’re drooling valuable liquid gold. 

not a drop can be or will be wasted on satoru gojo. 

keenly, your hips canter back onto gojo’s face — your plush ass cheeks jiggle with each thrust onto his tongue as though you’re reverse riding his cock. it fills you up just as nice too, warm and slippery against ecstasy inducing pinpoints along the ridges of your sluice walls. he can’t help but whine loudly at every roll of your pussy over his face, you taste so fucking good and he’ll drink you in as though you’re a tall glass of water. between sucks and slurps, your lover kitten licks at your core animalistically — lascivious sounds from between your thighs topping off the air in the bathroom.

your cute little clit, prominent and hard because of blood rush and it’s burning desire, is next on satoru’s bucket list. the sharpness of his teeth latch onto it, rolling it between their two sets roughly until you’re clawing at your own throat for air — trying your hardest not to scream and frighten the poor passers by. you’ve become such a mess and it pleases the white haired man, to see you gushing like a fruitful stream straight into his thirsty mouth, down his chin and cheeks — even over his bobbing adam’s apple.

your hands leave a track of sweat as they slip down the door you’re plastered on and your chest rises and falls rapidly while you’re tongue fucked by your boyfriend. there’s no room to breathe or to cope, satoru’s tongue pinned to your clit like a moth to candle flame — drawing rough shapes on your clit before sweeping downwards just beneath your clenching hole to catch what oozes from it before it can hit the ground. oh, if only you could see him, his bright blue eyes just as watery and lovesick as your own and his face pink with a sun-burn type of blush from how hot he is for you.

if you tried hard enough, to listen in over the sounds of your wet pussy being sucked on for dear life as well as satoru’s content gripes and laments — you can just about make out the vehement and delectable noises of him avariciously jerking off his pre-cum flowing cock while he prepares it to fuck you later on.

“y-yeah…oh my god, satoru. satoru don’t stop!” the words feel tacky in your mouth as you try to get them out, communicate to gojo how good he makes you feel. he likes it when you’re vocal with him, and you the same, it makes you both feel heard and happy to know that you’re pleasing your partner. though, it’s a little difficult for you, when you’re so dizzy you don’t know what’s up or down  and you can’t help but to cream around the base of gojo’s tongue while it twists against your lush and gushy inner walls.  

briefly, your brother’s best friend pulls away from your cunt — remaining connected to you by a rope of clear elixir leaked from your tight hole. “wouldn’t dream of it, pretty girl. god… i just wanna fuck you up. make you scream a little more…” he snarls like a beast, his big hands roughly grabbing your ass as he spreads them — watching the webs of arousal form while he peels each cheek away from one another. ��fucking hell… you’re drenched. but we can’t be too loud, don’t want someone to hear.” there’s a higher pitched lilt to gojo’s sacchariferous mithers as he delves back under your skirts, bobbing his entire head to drag his tongue between your fat pussy folds. 

jolting at the sensation, which provides a welcome distraction from the fact that your family…your brother, are waiting obviously just metres away, your hips begin to chase the high you’ve been holding back for what seems like hours now. viciously, you ride satoru’s tongue like it’s a perfectly plump cock made to plug you full. “uhuh, oh…fuck yeah. ride it for me, pretty girl, ride my t-tongue. m-make yourself feel good. fuck my face…please, please, please.” gojo begs you, even though most of his speech is muffled and you’re the one at his mercy. 

shame should be running through you, not hunger for gojo, you shouldn’t want to drive your hips down onto his face so hard that his nose prods your clit over and over again. you’re so dirty, filthy and nasty for doing this…here of all places. but you can’t help the way gojo fucks you nor the way gojo feels. you don’t think you want to give that up for your brother. even if it costs you.

you can’t imagine a life without hearing satoru’s needy groans between your legs, the ones that set fireworks off at your tailbone — where all of that unreleased pleasure builds up. 

“you’re gonna cum…” he sighs dreamily. “want you to cum for me. let it go, let it all out f’me.” gojo adds and from then on — his mouth stays married to your needy cunt, focused on working you right to the edge and pushing you over. he licks you up and down, anchors you to his face with that same arm snaking its way around your waist again — mostly to hold you up because you’re so shaky from the ecstasy in your veins that you can’t do it on your own.  

the whole ordeal is sickening and beautiful all at the same time — no one knows your body like satoru does. no other man has any idea how to please you in the way that he does. they don’t know that you like it when he flicks his tongue against your sluice and sweet sex with an open mouth just so you can hear him eat you out. they have no idea about how sensitive you are when you’re close, that brushing up against your g-spot with the tip of gojo’s tongue is enough to have you spewing a fresh wave of your essence from your pathetic hole.

the delirium and rapture that mounts within you, like bricks stacked in bricks, becomes too much for you to bear — some of your release already starting to trickle out of you in clear streams. “‘m cumming, ‘toru!” you warn him in a high pitched squeal before it’s too late, white noise filling your ears as you succumb to a powerful orgasm. 

satoru gojo thinks that if he died right here, right now, he would be happy — he wouldn’t even care. what, with the way you gush into his mouth like tidal waves of a wild tsunami, guilt flushed out of your system by tonnes of arousal. you clamp down on his tongue and practically suffocate the man, humping weakly at gojo’s face until your entire body is limp and you have absolutely nothing left to give. 

once you’ve made it through the aftershocks of your high, satoru slowly retreats from between your thighs and makes his way to your body, spinning you around and capturing your lips in a delicately placed kiss before your brain has the sense to wake up. the night should end here, you should push him away and fix yourself up in a good enough state to return to suguru and the rest of your family to enjoy dinner…stop the guilt from bubbling up. 

but satoru has always had a way about charming you. 

“we’re not finished yet…” he whispers to you passionately, his own hips pinning you to the bathroom door so you can feel his second erection rub against your tummy. “there’s more of you to ruin.” he continued to lament, his lips stained with your arousal grazing your own before he licks into your mouth so you can taste what he tastes too. automatically, your body bows into his — ready to have what he’s got waiting for you. 

perhaps your mind is still lagging, because you feel it before you see it — the tacky love taps of your lover’s cock against your stimulated sex, the lewd squelch that comes from gojo’s cockhead poised and ready to jut forward past your fluttering entrance. “i want you so fucking badly, i gotta… need to be inside you…” he moves to hike your thigh up against his slender hips — preparing to bottom out inside of you, but you stop him just before then with your nails digging into his sweat laden dress shirt. 

“can i ride you?” you ask him hazily.

“what?” gojo bleats, confused and enamoured all at once.

swallowing thickly, you repeat your words — leisurely rolling your hips back and forth in a premature pussy job. being sure to rub yourself back and forth against the length of satoru. “can i ride you?” 

“fuck me,” he sniggers breathlessly and says your name. “aren’t you just full of surprises tonight? you can do whatever you want to me, baby. i can take it.” 

with his permission, you undo the last of gojo’s buttons and smooth over the expanse of his place flesh, thumb at his budding pink nipples and then, form a necklace around his unmarred throat with your hands. he coughs and splutters in surprise but allows you to walk him backwards until the backs of his knees hit the toilet and he topples onto its seat in a sitting position. 

your hand moves swiftly to cup gojo’s jaw as you look above him and stand between his thighs that instantly manspread to make room for his pretty little baby between them. one of your perfectly manicured nails drags down his bottom lip, then becomes a finger that delves deep into the heat of his mouth. “you’re… you’re beautiful,” he gargles around the digit, staring deep into your soulful brown eyes. “and i adore you.”  it’s true. you’re the most perfect thing he’s ever seen even if your braids are askew and your dress is ruffled and your makeup is almost entirely gone. 

even when you have satoru gojo in a choke hold like this you’re still stunning to him. not one thing could tarnish such rare beauty that you posses. if the end of his life came in this moment, he wouldn’t even mind. he wonders if you’re aware of that fact or still believe the little voice in your mind telling you that he’s just using you.

gojo was bad with words, he knows that. he often got timings wrong and said things at the wrong time (like now when he tries to tell you that he loves you but in his own words, hence ‘adore’) but he always means them. he can tell that you’re getting in your head right now, standing above him — trying to decipher if he’s telling the truth. if he wanted you, you wished he’d say he wanted you. explicitly. 

he wished that he could tell you explicitly, but he’s so fucked up in the head that he struggles. 

so instead, satoru takes your hand in his (the one in his mouth) and moves it far back enough so that he can kiss your knuckles sweetly. a gesture to prove his truth to you. one to prove how much he loves you. 

the hard expression on your face softens and you drop to satoru’s lap — straddling him so that his girth presses directly against your juicy cunt like before and your thighs are either side of his. “then make love to me,” you goad him, circling your hips and chasing the delicious burn of his dick pressing into you — a feeling that you miss all the time but can never get used to. “love me like you mean it.” 

it’s not long before satoru is at your neck again, leaving a trail of gentle kisses along its plaines. “i can do that. i can give that to you. do you think you’ll be able to take it?” he questions lightly, a large hand splaying across your back — prepared to guide your movements.

“y-yeah… ‘m ready.” you exhale carefully, your mind pleasantly fuzzy as gojo grabs onto your ass and encourages you to raise your hips for him. the other hand now holds onto his dripping dick to position it at your entrance — he runs it through your soaked folds a couple times and dips in and out of your hole. you make such a cute little noise when satoru starts to push into you, sucking him in so well and clenching around the circumference of his bulbous tip as if to trap him inside before you’ve managed to sink down on him. it continues like that for a little while, satoru holding you up by your ass or your thighs while he patiently waits for you to take him the rest of the way. 

he fucks you gently with the tip at first, getting you used to the delicious stretch to your pussy — despite the resistance he meets from how tight you are.

“there you go baby…you can take over now. sink down on me when you’re able to, kay?” satoru peppers your face in amusement while he watches you try to stabilise your breathing. there’s a long way to go and you’re still so sensitive from your last orgasm. “hm, you’re so fuckin’ cute.” he muses, nipping at your cheek without any real bite.

“s-shut up,” you state through a pout, controlling your tears which only make your love snort affectionately. crescent moons from your nails take their shape in satoru’s milky shoulders, leaving pink indents in place as you slide further down his cock, taking inch by inch until you’re comfortably nestled at his balls. “satoru…why’s there so much of you?” in reality, you’re not actually complaining  — content with your ribbed walls kissing the prominent veins on his shaft. you clench around him experimentally, sending a ripple of desire through the man at your mercy and finally let him bottom out inside of you as your juices run down him. 

he does nothing but smile lazily up at you, taking your wrists and coordinating them to rest on his chest for you to use as more comfortable leverage. as much as you like the way he’s pressed up against your insides — you find the strength to peel your hips away from satoru’s clothed thighs and thrust back down with a resounding, wet slap that echoes throughout the restaurant bathroom. 

it should be criminal, maybe even illegal, how warm, tight and wet you are — as if you’re a virgin who’s never been fucked before. he splutters and stammers as his overstimulated cockhead nudges against your silken walls and they quiver around him feverishly. he could charge you with a life sentence, keeping him jailed in your pretty pussy for life. “i know i said i’d let you ride me but god,” he whispers, trailing his fingers up the front of your dress. just as ice cold and ringed fingers circle your areolas from over the fabric, satoru thrusts up into you — driven insane by lust and desire, his eyes disappear onto the dark night of his skull. “cant help it… i wanna make you feel good. wanna fuck you.” 

there’s no time for you to respond, no chance to wrack your brain for a witty comeback because you’re too busy focusing on trying to keep yourself seated in gojo’s lap. your eyes become misty and satoru’s voice becomes murky, breaths of exertion coasting over your lips and your skin as he sets a constant, almost bullying, pace to his slender hips as they barrage into your sex. it’s hard enough to pull squelching sounds from your messy pussy, and enough for the sound of his breeder’s balls to reverberate between your working bodies.

in this position, satoru is able to hit deep — churn your gummy insides up and hit every pleasure spot your tiny fingers can’t reach. you’re a slumped and helpless mess in his lap, pathetic, since you were the one who wanted to be on top in the first place. but neither of you mind it, satoru likes being able to take care of you like this, watch every contortion of your angelic face and twitch of your lips and flutter of your lashes as he pounds into you from below. 

“that’s it… that’s it pretty girl,” he coos to you so softly, glancing up at you with massive silvery-blue eyes holding pure fixation for you. “you want it so bad, letting me have you like this. i love it, i love yo—” he cuts himself off with a deep growl and reaches around the meat at your waist, your soft tummy as well as your plentiful skirts to graze your clit as arousal pearls over it — each brush at the swelling nub is calculated and catered exactly how you like, especially after falling into sheets with him so many times over the last two years. his touch treads softly on your body while he takes it slow, passionately ruining your insides. 

you hiccup and a light sparks behind the sapphire frame of your lover’s eyes. he repeats the action, only this time pinching your clit before he carefully pulls you close and angles his hips into your g-spot a little more — worshipping your body like a queen on her throne. “listen to that baby, your pussy sounds so pretty taking all of me.” gojo punctuates his words with deep, purposeful movements that have his achingly hot cock repeatedly jamming against that one particular spot. “you need it like this, need me to always take the lead, hm? you act like you’re such a big girl, but really you’re just my needy little one.” 

satoru feeds you a mix of praise and light condescending remarks, keeping you under his spell just like always has. as if he were a pied piper using his darling moans to draw you in. he keeps you pacified like a baby with languid thrusts and sloppy kisses all over — barely giving you a moment to think independently. the hand wrapped around your waist keeps you anchored to gojo, teaching you dance in a sensual sticky grind that only lovers know how to do.

dropping your forehead to rest against his, you let out a blissful whimper. “s’not fair, you always… ah f-fuck! you always take control from me,” you’re supposed to be the one using satoru. using him to take your mind off of suguru while you remind the man of all the reasons he should love you openly and publicly. but, like always, you fall victim to the touch which causes you to blossom above satoru and the candied voice he uses that make sweet nectar pour from your abused little hole.

“it’s cause you adore me,” gojo tells you in a rough voice. states it like it’s fact written in a history book for lovers. you can’t and don’t have time to deny him — managing a weak whine of annoyance when his lips attach to the cliffs of your collar bones. his tongue rolls saliva over the area where he can’t leave a physical mark, knowing that the white hot sensation will stick with you all night — making it just as good as any other forbidden hickey or stolen love bite. “you love me, don’t you?” 

“g-god yes!” neither of you have any idea what exactly it is you’re saying yes to — whether it be the way he pounds at your puffy, swollen mound or saying that you love him, it doesn’t really matter. you’re both too far gone. you finally start to grind down on him again, using all of your strength to push past your overstimulation and match satoru’s toe-curling stream of thrusts, syncing up your cantering hips. every stroke of his cock within the depths of your silken, pulsating cunt earns you a muffled whine from him. 

a fresh red tint begins to glow under the surface of your lover’s pale skin, the blood coursing through his veins and coagulating at his cheeks is dotted with love and lust hormones just like your own. the fact that he’s barely able to pull out of your selfish pussy means that there’s a shine to his polyester clad thighs from your juices — the glisten barely catching under the artificial light in the bathroom. 

everything overwhelms you, you feel like you’re drowning. fat beads of precum between your sore thighs begin to form because you’re clenching down on gojo so hard, his cock even fights it’s way to pull out of your addictive heat. you can’t let him go, your body won’t let him go, dragging him into the routine of crazy intense and creamy sex — bulbous and purpling cockhead consistently digging into your g-spot. everything is so wrong but it feels so right — it doesn’t make any sense but you feel so nice. 

“yanno…” satoru slurs over the heavy weight of saliva spreading through his mouth while he runs it. “‘m so fucking lucky… to be the only man who gets to see you like this. whining so sweetly, legs all shaky, pussy so fucking wet.” appreciatively, his cruel cerulean gaze drops to where his milky cock disappears into your fat pussy and his digits move from your clit to spread your netherlips apart, putting the glaze of your essence that coats his rock hard girth on display. 

gojo truly is so very lucky, to be the only man with the pleasure of jackhammering into you to his hearts content. he’s so lucky that there isn’t anyone else you want aside from him, that all you want his for him to be better for you. he really should work on that. especially if he wants to be the only one who lives and breathes you for the rest of forever. on the contrary, you hate that he only sees your worth to him while fucking you — it makes bitterness simmer underneath the absolute depraved ecstasy you feel. 

but you’re not giving satoru gojo up. not in this lifetime. 

taking advantage of your hands planted firmly against gojo’s broad chest — you peel your sweaty thighs away from gojo’s trembling ones, his cock being tugged away from the snugness of your oozing, sopping mound. an incredulous gasp lays wet on the seam of the silver haired man’s lips. he misses you. he wants you so bad and there’s no greater relief than when you slam back down onto his cock, hips cantering down so fast that he easily hits your womb. the force makes you both drool and you throw yourself forward to capture gojo in a messianic kiss between two lovers. 

euphoria chillingly slips into your veins while you rock yourself against gojo feverishly, both of your chests heaving erratically from your love making. “you…you talk too much,” you mumble into his mouth, tongue rolling over his as if to swipe the words from his tongue. if he says anymore you won’t last any longer. you lick the salt from his lips, an obsessive glint in your eye — because satoru gojo is all that you want. “talk way too much…just love me, just fuck me.” 

satoru wants to love you, it’s like he’s genetically coded to. he can’t imagine being this in love with anyone else aside from you — but there’s a selfish mental block on his mind that stops him from giving you the commitment you need. right now, in this moment, he’ll give you the pieces of himself that he can. he’ll make love to you, he’ll make you see stars and galaxies, he’ll do whatever he can to make you happy right here, right now. 

sweat from the exertion of rutting into you pins his silvering locks to his forehead — it drips down the side of gojo’s face which you lovingly lick. your lover wraps both of his arms around your waist and pulls you in so that you nestle on his chest — giving you the leverage you need to pound yourself on curve of his cock, seeping viscous honey down his shaft. the scene is obscene, but there’s love and adoration buzzing between your tangled limbs. 

hearts sprinkle themselves amongst the flecks in your eyes as you look up at gojo and your pupils dilate at the chorus of skin slapping on skin, the pap pap pap of your swollen mound while your lover buries himself deep in your warmth — pulling unholy sounds from your angelic body. the toilet he sits on creaks beneath the force of your ministrations, threatening to break just like you might on top of your lover. 

“i’d do anything for you, a-anything you wanted,” gojo counters, quivering beneath you with his hair sticking to your sweltering skin. it’s true, he’d rip stars from the sky and skyscrapers to the ground. his heart chases after your every desire. between frenzied bucks and mismatched smooches, the man swipes his fingertips over your pulsating clit — rubbing fat droplets of creamy precum into your folds and the sensitive nub. the whole time, he keeps you stuffed full of his cock, hardly pulling out each time you lift and drop yourself on his dick. 

mewling like a pornstar, your hands shoot upwards and wring themselves in moonlight hair — a tell tale sign that you’re getting closer and closer to reaching cloud nine. “y-yeah? then make me cum, l-let me make a mess on your cock. please.” you plead, the back and forth of your cunt over gojo’s lap tampering with your system by sending orgasmic shockwaves through you. 

“i gotcha, anything for you, beautiful. s-shit!” using his free hand, gojo grabs at the fat of your ass and pulls you up and down on his girth — giving him the room to pummel your pussy hard and fast. “you squeeze me real tight when i act all desperate for you.” 

“a-aren’t you? o-oh ‘toru, right there!” you exclaim and ask all at once in one high pitched moan, failing to press for an answer while gojo bullies his way through your walls and right up to your womb. your clit smears over his hipbone, painting him with tube dulcet juices. 

gojo builds up momentum inside of you, dragging his seedy tip along your ravaged walls from how deep he’s able to get inside of you. “i am… only god knows that i am. fuck, i wanna be yours, want this to last forever,” white starts to froth at the base of his dick, streaking all over your soiled folds as your cunt squirts copious amounts of essence each time his balls clap against you. “think i’m gonna fuckin’ cum, might be inside.” 

“satoru please…” your hips stutter above his, choking out gojo’s cock for fear life in an attempt to get him to fill you up to the brim with his seed. you tear up and he barely lets you off his twitching erection. 

“i know baby, i fucking know — i’m right there with you. hold onto me. my fucking baby.” with the last of his energy, satoru assaults your pussy with a barrage of desperate thrusts, jerking you about in his lap. that’s all either of you need before you’re thrown over the edge, rendering you limp, cum soaked messes in one another’s arms. the ropes in your lower tummy, that have been burning this entire time, finally begins to unravel.

the world around you blurs, your brain fucking lags and you actually fucking squirt. a scream rips through you and burns at the edges of your voice, following through your uncontrollable shakes. clear streams of arousal shoot from your sloppy, dirty cunt and pool in satoru’s dress pants — soaking him to the bone. 

“that’s it baby, give it to me. all of it, make a mess — want it all over me.” satoru goads hoarsely, losing control of his thrusts until they become uncoordinated and lackadaisical. “a-ah! oh! holy shit, mmm ‘m cumming baby. f-for you…” the aftershocks of your high and little twitches from your heavenly hole trigger the white haired man’s orgasm. right before his release, his hand reaches up from toying with your sex to grab at your sapphire pendant — using the chain to yank you up into a sensual lip lock that seals his fate, practically pulling it off of you while you make out through his high.

hot, sticky and thick ropes of white seed spill into you — there’s even so much of it that it overflows from your tiny entrance and oozes against your raw mound. you’re still cumming, forcing satoru out of you while he continues to flood your womb — what doesn’t make it is left to smear over your thighs and poofy dress, glazing you in viscous cum. 

still releasing in spurts, satoru carefully pulls out of you and leans back against the cool tile of the bathroom wall so that you slump against his chest — relaxed. warm content simmers in the air between your maze of limbs and you leak against one another sweetly. 

“so much for fixing your necklace,” satoru jests over the static itching at your brain while you come down from your earth-shattering high.

you offer him up a dopey smile, all of the tension from earlier on in the night melting away when you look at him. “we’ll have to hide it from suguru, so he doesn’t notice. we’ve been gone for a while too.” no matter what gojo puts you through, it’s always worth it for the way he makes you feel after sex. 

warm, cherished and cared for. 

just like suguru would want you to be. 

“well, whose fault is that, little one?” a chaste kiss is pressed against your hairline as satoru helps you to sit up in his lap — drawing back slightly to give you a once over and mirroring the way you grin at him with a toothy smirk. “little miss ‘we don’t have time.’ — i’ll have to fix your make up, can’t have you walking back out there like i’ve just rocked your shit.” 

despite his crude words, satoru’s gesture makes your chest bristle with happiness. “you’re an idiot, satoru gojo.” 

“an idiot that you adore. an idiot who you like way too much,”  he fires back childishly. “c’mere, let me get rid of the mess i made of you.” 

you do, like him too much, a little too much for your own good. 

it’s twisted, the mere fact that satoru has such a hold on your heart that you can’t seem to escape no matter how hard you try— and it only worsens when he’s good to you like this. so good with the way he helps you clean up, tends to your ruffled dress, redoes your smudged makeup and jokes with you while he dries his sex stained pants under the hand drier before you go back out to meet your family. 

you’re a love sick fool when it comes to him. 

and you have no idea how much that’s going to change. 

suguru geto was not an idiot. 

his numerous academic accolades are enough evidence of that. in highschol he graduated with a GPA of 4.0% which only escalated by the time he got to college — which was like a breeze to him.  by the time he’d finished his four year degree, there was an industry opportunity waiting for geto on the other side of all of his hard work and efforts. 

it pleased him to know that people thought highly of his skills, appreciated the knit and grit and blood, sweat and tears he put into his work. he had a passion for seeking the truth, discovering the reasons and meanings for people’s actions — it was suguru’s calling. that’s why he became a criminal defence lawyer. 

why do people do what they do? why do people lie? why do people run and hide? 

with all of suguru geto’s smarts and analytical skills — his ability it to think critically, you would think he’d have it all figured out by now. 

suguru geto was not stupid.

so why is it that he can’t figure out what’s wrong with you? why you’ve been so skittish and why this entire night? he knows you, his baby sister, like you were his own flesh and blood. like you were the back of his slightly calloused and hard working hand. you may have been adopted, you may not share the same DNA but suguru has lived with you and been raised with you long enough to know how your genetic code reacts to certain pressures and scenarios and situations.

you’re his little sister for christ’s sake. 

as you make your way back to your family’s designated table, weaving between pedigree bred children and their families, waiters and waitresses working tired on their feet — he notices how the tension you’d been experiencing the whole night has suddenly dissipated from your body as if it were never there. your shoulders have dropped, your movements flow as loosely as your baby blue cupcake dress does, your eyes are bright and full of an energy suguru has only seen once in someone else. 

another soul he’s grown up with. 

the very idea makes him feel ill, the food on his plate suddenly becoming unappealing and bitter against the insides of his mouth. you’re not… you would never… 

“hi,” you greet the table tentatively, the corners of your cocoa painted lips quirking up into a small smile. “did i miss anything?” 

suguru forgoes answering you to ask his own question. “where have you been?” 

the chatter at your table dies down only just as your parents register your presence with the group once more — joining in on your conversation with your brother like a car merging lanes. 

“oh! i was just in the bathroom… you know, girl stuff. powdering my nose.” you offer up as an excuse, twirling the end of your curled braids between your gentle fingers. a habit your brother knows you’ve picked up when you’re shy, yet, content. “you know how it goes.” 

his dark eyes sweep over your face. suguru doesn’t know much about make-up, just that you like doing it. he had been the one to get you your first eyeshadow palette in your teen years but that’s as far as he goes. everything seems to be in place, perfect, you’re beautiful as you always have been.

but there’s a slight smudge to your lip combo that bleeds just past the curve of your cupid’s bow — out of place enough for geto to notice. the colour is different too. black instead of brown, as if you’ve mixed up the lipsticks in a rush.

suguru tries not to dwell. he really does. dropping the topic and retreating to his dinner plate while you idly chat to your parents about your new job but something in his gut stirs — he remembers something. 

gojo is nowhere to be seen and your pendent is missing.

you can’t. you’d never…

as if on cue, the moonlight man returns to the party, loudly pulling out his seat and taking his place next to you once again. gojo’s hair is a mess, much messier than it was before… as if someone had roughed it up with desperate fingers. your chocolaty lip colour is smeared along his neck in deconstructed lip prints as if he’d tried to wash them away, dotted along the collar of his crisp white shirt too. the contrast of the colours make it blatantly obvious what’s been going on too. the silver chain of your necklace hangs freely from his pocket.

“did i miss anything?” he asks casually, despite how not-put-together he looks — much less in comparison to you, who’d returned to dinner first. 

it makes geto’s skin itch and crawl, the similarity between your words and gojo’s. he can’t even think to reply, yet the words come tumbling out before he can stop them.

“wouldn’t you like to know,” suguru snaps callously. “where have you been?”

“wanted to see if the little miss made it back to the table alright.” gojo lies smoothly, resting a large hand on your shoulder. geto notes the way he strokes your neck with his thumb. “you know how she is, clueless without suguru, right?” 

your parents and gojo burst out into charmed laughter, adding to the bustle and ambience of the restaurant. suguru’s face only sours as your father chime’s in next. “this one probably raised her better than i did. he was so excited to have a little sister, wouldn’t go anywhere without her.” it’s the alcohol that causes your father to blurt out the embarrassing memory — it’s sweet and cherished, but does nothing to help ease your brother’s boiling fury as he’s patted on the back by his dad.

pet like a dog getting a treat.

a reward for taking care of you all these years.

“yeah, raised her to be smart and proper. that’s why she’s a graduate and not mooching off of us anymore.” geto seethes from your left.

from your right, satoru reaches for his crystal glass for a drink — only to realise that it’s empty. he next reaches for the bottle of moscato ordered for the table, and pours some for himself until it levels out at the rim of his glass. “ouch suguru, way to hit a man where it hurts,” your ‘boyfriend’ whines petulantly, sipping the surface of his drink. “you know i work for dad now, you’d be so proud. still making money, not mooching off of his.” 

you fiddle with your cutlery, the silverware awkwardly clattering against your plate while you finish off the steak you’d ordered. then, your mother breaks the tension.

“does anybody want to order dessert?”

satoru is quick to jump on her distraction train — enthusiastically nodding his head with silver locks flying about the place. “oh you know me, ma. i love a sweet lil’ thing, got a huge sweet tooth.” satoru chirps excitedly — as chipper as can be.

“that you do dear boy, pick out anything you’d like.” your dad says in turn.

the silver haired stray at your table pretends to ponder before clapping his hands together — causing both you and geto to jerk at the sound. 

“daifuku!” 

“oh, that’s been a recent favourite of our little girl’s, hasn't it darling?” mum gushes proudly. “reminds me so much of her.”

the anxiety in the back of your mind spikes to an all time high as your dragged into the conversation once more — suguru hot on your trail, close to uncovering it all. you shrink under the burning gazes of everyone at the table — your lover, your parents and your brother. satoru, of course, takes amusement in knowing you crave his favourite sweet even when you’re apart. geto is less than impressed. 

you nod and gojo lets out a laugh that sets your soul alight and sends a shiver down your spine. “that’s right, our girl is just the sweetest little thing.” he praises you, resting his cheek on a closed fist, gojo’s elbow sitting comfortably on the table while he stares over at you dreamily.

suguru geto was not a fool.

he could see right through the happenings before his very eyes. the way you looked up at satoru, your expression docile and pure, dark eyes glimmering and brimming with so much idolisation and worship for satoru, it was a look suguru had seen many times before. it was a look previously saved only for him — from little sister to older brother. 

you stare up at gojo like he holds all of the world’s secrets, like he could keep you safe from any and all types of harm, like you love him.

“i’ll have what he’s having,” geto hears you murmuring airily, but there’s static ringing in his ears and red flashing before his eyes — he’s that pissed off at his sudden realisation. 

it’s only when his gaze flits to his best friend, his one and only, satoru gojo that the dam breaks and all of suguru’s emotions and epiphanies from the night come bursting out in shades of white hot fury. because satoru matches your expression, his blue ocean eyes drown you in love and he looks as though he’s won the fucking lottery. hazily and smugly grinning at you while the table discusses desserts.

the final puzzle piece that suguru has been looking for clicks into place. 

it all hits him like a truck.

“oh you slick motherfucker…” suguru growls slowly, his words fighting through their prison of his gritted pearly white teeth. the syllables and their sound contrast heavily with the abrupt way in which your darker haired sibling stands from his chair — almost sending it flying to the floor as he slams a fist down onto the table. his other hand points accusingly towards your lover, and everyone’s attention falls on him. 

“suguru what are you—?”

“you fucked her. didn’t you?”

expressions of incredulousness morph on the faces of your dinner guests ( yourself included ), shocked by geto’s bellowing voice and stone cold glare. not to mention the callousness of his words. he knows. and it’s like you’ve been doused in a bucket of ice water. he knows what you and satoru have been up to, the smoke has cleared and you can no longer hide from him. 

“suguru geto, mind your manners!” one of your parents snaps, but you can’t quite place the voice — every sound in the restaurant blurs into one and your head swims with a dangerous mix of panic and alcohol. he knows. your mind screams, the pink and squishy organ dully thumping against it’s calcium cage — your skull. 

“fuck manners,” he barks, suguru’s mouth beginning to froth like a dog rabid with rabies. his face hardens as if it’s been set in stone, while a storm clouds geto’s previously welcoming eyes. “answer my question, satoru.”

innocently, yet with an air of confidence and patronisation, gojo tilts his head to the side like that of a puppy — his bright white teeth put on display as he smiles slow and softly as if to diffuse the situation with his charm. “i don’t know what you’re talking about—“

“bullshit!” suguru fires back, his wrath beginning to boil over the edge like the restaurant’s signature slow cooked stew. he begins to roll up the white sleeves of his dress shirt — as if he’s preparing for a fight. one with his best friend. once the material is snug around the bulge in his bicep, your brother slams his hands down on the table once again, causing heads to turn and cutlery to clatter about the place. “that’s fucking bullshit satoru and you know it. i can see it on you. i can smell it on you.”

in all your years of living with the geto family, becoming a part of it and finding your sense of belonging with them — you’ve never seen your brother this angry, let alone see such red hot rage directed at someone he cares about. someone you care about too. 

“sugu,” you whimper and stand, trying to direct his attention away from your lover boy. “suguru it’s okay. it’s not what it looks like—!” 

another slam of his hands on the table slices through your meek words — causing you to jump out of your skin. 

swirling black eyes hideous with anger and upset switch their attention to you — tearing you apart underneath their judgemental gaze. suguru has never looked at you like that. he’s always been so good to you, never been mad at you without cause or at least let you seen so. that was until today.

“i wasn’t fucking talking to you. sit down and keep quiet. let your big brother handle this.” geto spits, the pain of his worded venom shooting painfully to your heart — causing tears to sting at your waterline. 

“don’t fucking talk to her like that.” satoru keeps his voice low, in a tone you’ve only ever heard him use with the guys hitting on you at college. it’s dark and threatening, but most of all, protective. protective over you. you never thought it would be thrown at suguru. he stands up too while you sink back down, catching a glimpse of your parents’ worried stares from across the table.

onlookers in the restaurant are no different. 

“so, you think you can speak for her now? since when did you two get so close, hm? did you two fuck? did i hit a sore spot, gojo? ” a rich, sarcastic laugh reverberates from geto’s vocal chords. the whole scenario is…entertaining to him. his best friend, his brother of all people, fucking with his little sister — knowing how it would make him feel. 

there’s a beat of silence across the dinner table, consisting of nothing but death glares and heaving chests.

but then all of a sudden, satoru leans forward with his palms pressed flat against the table’s surface — a sick smile twisting on his ever-soft and glossy pink lips as he jeers back at the younger male, taunting suguru. 

“oh i’ve been hitting her spots alright.”

you feel like you’ve been doused in cold once again, the blood that had been flushing to your face, now freezing in your veins. the fact that satoru would reveal intimate details of your love or sex life to the light of day (let alone your older brother) should make you fall ill. yet, in some sick and twisted way it makes butterflies flap their dainty wings in your lower tummy. 

because he’s admitting it, that he wants to be with you, to suguru’s face. 

“we’ve been closer than you could have ever imagined, suguru. nice and close, she outta have been swallowing me down.” satoru doubles down, because once he starts running his mouth, he can never stop. 

stopping them both now would be futile. but your parents are watching, other guests and staff are watching. it’s humiliating. having the two men you care about most go at each other like this. “satoru!” you squeal, desperate.

“oh you nasty motherfucker. so you did sleep with my sister.” geto growls before turning to you, furious. “how long? and don’t you dare lie to me.” 

“s-sugu, please. not here.” you start with a trembling voice, tears slipping down your cheeks freely while you look between the two men. 

“i said how long!” 

the way your brother raises his voice at you causes you to flinch back into your shell and for satoru to push his way between you both protectively. he would never let you get hurt, he had promised you that. even if he had done so himself. he wasn’t about to let suguru wound you too. 

“y’got cotton between your ears or something, suguru?” satoru makes himself tall and intimidating, towering over suguru. it was something that worked with everyone, scared them off from the person that was his and the one that he loved — you. but suguru wasn’t buying that act. “i said. stop. fucking. talking to her like that.” each of his menacing words are punctuated by a shove to your brother’s chest, each one taking a swing at your heart. you hate to see them hurting each other, you hate being in the middle of it all. suguru takes it all, as if he’s numb from the news, staggering back into another family’s table — causing their glasses and dishes to collide and clatter about until it stops and gojo grabs at the collar of geto’s shirt. “if you’re gonna be mad and yell at someone, be mad at me.” 

satoru adjusts his grip on your brother, but his blue eyes beg for him to let it go. for you to all go home and figure this out somewhere else. 

suguru just can’t. his mind can’t wrap around the idea that you’ve been leaning on someone else this whole time — using someone else. sleeping with his best friend all this time. it’s not in his nature to be violent, geto has been perfect all his life and never veered from the correct path. he would never hit anyone. he’s never felt the urge to put his hands on someone, unlike satoru. but in that moment, looking at his best friend and feeling the blood pour from the open wound in his chest. 

exasperated by the stab wound to the back, from both you and satoru.

“you’re right,” the words taste like acid on suguru’s tongue as he grasps at gojo’s own collar with his green hand. never in a million years did he picture himself hating someone he loved with his whole heart. it physically pains him to even think about resenting you. it makes his vision shake and bleed with a dark red, he feels so irrevocably angry that he might hurt someone.  “it’s you i should be pissed with.”

geto moves without thinking, every fibre of his being reverting back to man’s natural instinct as his fist connects harshly with the underside of gojo’s chin. the taller of the two stumbles back in shock — thick and temperate scarlet coating his pearly white teeth from where he’s bitten down on his tongue along with the force. satoru barely has time to react not before suguru is on him again; landing another punch square in his face — accompanied by a sickening crack.

your brother grabs at your lover, shaking him by the lapels of his now bloodied suit and you scream loud enough to lower the temperature of the dining hall and fill it with chills because suguru has always told you to look away from violence. and this time you couldn’t.

you couldn’t bare to look away from those beautiful blue eyes as they took a hit for you. 

satoru sways backwards and forwards, clearly stunned at the force behind his best friend’s fists. he damn near collapses into the table behind him, causing the onlookers to yelp and cry out at his injured state. he’s got a busted lip, bruised cheeks and nose and he’s still the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. 

“fuck, suguru!” gojo’s voice wobbles, he sounds wounded. both inside and out. “what the fuck?” eventually, he grounds himself, tongue darting out to lick the patch of crimson at the corner of his lip. he swipes his bloody nose on the back of his hand too — steeling his already hard, azure eyes. 

“you deserved it. pulling this shit with my sister? are you fucking insane? you could have had anyone else—“ suguru cracks his knuckles, shaking them out. 

you feel as though you’re in the middle of a battle — one for your honour. words that leave battle scars are thrown from both gojo and geto on each side, swords of male ego clash at the centre and you’re nothing but a defenceless damsel in distress. what could you possibly do against the both of them? you think to throw yourself in between the two men as gojo stalks his way over to your brother in three scarily short strides…but your mother quickly wraps her arms around your shoulders and hugs you to her chest — keeping you away from the fight. 

your father takes a stance in front of you both — he would interfere, but he’s not as young and as agile as he used to be. he’d get his teeth knocked in if he did. 

“stop it! p-please! satoru don’t—!” you screech and wail to him over the commotion of the gathering crowds. he ignores your calls, acting on his free will as satoru’s throws his own punch — another scream tears through the chamber of your chest just from witnessing suguru’s head snap to the side from its power. “suguru!”

“fuck. you, gojo.” your brother slurs, wiping his own bleeding nose on the sleeve of his white shirt.

“fuck you right back, geto.” 

you did this. you caused this. if you had just heeded your brother’s advice, he wouldn’t be losing a friend. you wouldn’t be losing someone you loved. you should have stayed away, you should have—

“i should have never trusted you!” comes your brother’s vicious snarl, somehow managing to squirm free of satoru’s grip and using the last of his strength to push the silver haired male to the smooth marble.

satoru doesn’t move, just barely managing to protect his head from the fall. he’s still bleeding, light headed but powered by his desire to protect you. kill for you. “i know! but we couldn’t help it! it just happened!” 

suguru turns to you. “did he take advantage of you? ever? how long has this been a thing?”

“n-no! never! s-satoru would never!” you gulp back a choked sob, hoping to put an end to the madness. stop the shattered glass and the people staring and the punches being thrown. you’re a terrible liar, geto knows that. he can see right through your thinly veiled lies — satoru isn’t the type to just want someone. it comes with a price, the pieces of your heart worth more than gold to your brother. of course… at first it had been that way, satoru took what he wanted. but nowadays it feels different. feels like more. 

“t-two years. it was…it was all me. i-im the one who said i liked him first. i always have.” you continue slowly, hoping for the smallest twinkle of mercy in geto’s eyes. “please sugu…please. this… this is enough. just leave him alone. i’ll never talk to him again just…stop.” 

throughout your whole speech, tears and all, suguru remains towering over your boyfriend with both of their chests heaving, both of their shirts ripped and bloody. you think, for a moment, he might leave it at that — suguru will take your hand, lead you out of the restaurant and that’ll be it. satoru will be spared and you’ll have sacrificed your feelings for him to save their friendship. 

however, the tears that drip down the apples if your cheeks and streak through your makeup aren’t enough. they’re not enough to provide a barrier to gojo’s selfishness — even at his lowest, quite literally (lying weakly underneath suguru), he still thinks he can have it all. both you and his friend. 

“t-that shit’s not true. she was a game to me at first—“ he begins to say, causing hurt to flash across your chest and for you to fall to your knees despite being in your mother’s unsteady grip. 

he doesn’t get to finish for geto takes the opportunity to straddle gojo — unleashing hit after hit on him like a meteor shower of pain. you don’t think he’ll stop until his knuckles are split.

“suguru! s-stop it!” you cry. 

people scream just like you but don’t interfere. you don’t even care that they’re staring, you don’t care what they think, all you care about are their well-being. 

to your relief, satoru finds an interval — latching onto his ‘ex’ best friend’s wrists with the last of his energy, effectively stopping him from landing anymore punches. “c-christ suguru, let me fucking finish,” satoru gargles on the blood pooling in his perfect, chatty mouth — using his grasp on suguru to push him into sitting on the floor too. “maybe if you did, you wouldn’t have missed this part,” the older of the two, gojo, spits the nasty mix of spit and blood at the younger’s feet — using a second to regain his breath. he spares a second to look at you, shaking on your knees desperate to touch him and see if he’s okay. you don’t know. you still don’t know just how much satoru gojo is willing to sacrifice for you. you have no idea how much he loves you. so he says it. profoundly and loudly. 

“… missed the part where i fell in love with her. hard and fast. couldn’t even tell i was falling.”

geto slumps back on his knees, dropping his bruised and cut up knuckles between them with defeat. your entire body sags in relief, until you’re a mess of crumpled clothes, bones and tears. 

he’s never told you that before. that he loves you. 

“god, satoru…fuck!” suguru exclaims, clearly exasperated. his rage has simmered to a stop,  with only angst and anguish filling the air in his lungs. he’s realised now what this means. he’ll never look at you or the satoru the same. the two people he loves most on this god forsaken earth. “she’s my little sister!”

he sounds like he’s about to cry.

“i know.” 

“you watched her grow up! we grew up together!”

“i know.” 

“you’re five years older than her!” 

“i know, goddamn it!” satoru finally breaks the loop, his voice heavy with pain and exhaustion. “but i love her and i can’t help that. neither of us can.”

in the moment of silence that passes, where the audience calms down and suguru steps away from a bloody and beaten satoru — you rush to his side, sliding across the marble floor in your pretty dress to help your lover sit up properly. suguru looks down at you in desolation, his brows creased in the centre of his forehead unhappily. the expression makes you hug gojo’s head to your shoulder tightly in your own protective stance — crimson bleeding across blue fabric like ink in water, forming a hollow shade of purple.

“she’s my little sister…” geto repeats solemnly, as if he’s watching your child-like innocence fade away in real time. he’s been looking out for you for so long that he’s failed to see what an adult you’ve become. it doesn’t make the betrayal hurt any less, though. “she’s…she’s still a kid.” he adds, swallowing the lump in his throat. “and now you’re fucking her?”

satoru shakes his head, easing himself from your grip as though to show you that he’s strong. strong enough for the both of you. “it’s not like that, and she’s not a kid anymore. she’s twenty two, suguru! she doesn’t need you watching over her like some fucking hawk anymore. she can fuck me or whoever the fuck she wants.” 

and even though satoru is right — you hate that they both talk about you as if you’re not even there or autonomous enough to defend yourself. 

“but you know better.” geto goes on, his own defence becoming weaker and weaker — disintegrating like paper in water. 

“we both do!” finally finding your voice, you stand up from your position on the floor cradling satoru and move to stand in front of your brother — grabbing his hands with pleading doe eyes and tears on your cheeks. “w-we’re both adults who made the mistake of getting involved with each other behind your back. but we don’t have to fight this out like children…please just give us a chance, sugu. talk to him. talk to me. y-your little sister…”

geto sags again, he looks tired, but accepts your affection without a trace of doubt or hatred. he thumbs the backs of your hands, dark obsidian eyes gazing into your soul like a galaxy of black holes. your deep chocolatey eyes are met with a stare full of trust and admiration — something familiar, something that fills you with temporary relief.

you like to think that you know suguru geto. 

he’s the smartest and most rational man you’ve ever met. your brother has always been kind and tender, takes the time to really listen to people and think things through step by step. he never acts on instinct or brashness. those are all things you know about him. 

you like to think that your older sibling knows you too. 

that he would look at you and see your truth, how much you care for gojo and how you didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt. 

clearly, neither of you know each other as well as you once thought. 

he sees gojo from over your shoulder, and the same sense of white hot betrayal washes over the dark haired man like an acid bath. he rips his hands away from yours as if he’s touched molten lava and you’ve scalded the palms of his hands in which he used to love you, care for you and raise you. 

a pained sound gargles in your throat as geto pulls away from you — his own mature, handsome face, equally as distraught. “i can’t,” he mumbles quietly. “not right now. i’m sorry.” his warmth is gone before you know it and he’s grabbing his belongings from your dinner table, bowing in apology to guests and staff and your parents. 

“suguru!” you gasp, tears stinging at your eyes once again. “suguru wait!”

geto presses his thick, black leather wallet to your mother’s chest as he passes your parents, his suit coat half slung over his shoulder. “use the black card to cover the bill for dinner and pay for the meals of the families who’s tables we destroyed. i’ll take care of any damages too — the owner was a client of mine.” he tells her softly, kissing her forehead. 

“suguru— your sister!”

he doesn’t turn back as he pushes his way through the crowd in order to reach the exit. “she’s old enough to look after herself, right?”

“suguru please.” 

you will yourself to chase after him, every cell in your body screaming at you to move while your heart and mind long for you to stay by satoru’s side. 

you’re conflicted, you don’t know who to choose. 

and maybe it’s satoru’s selfishness, maybe he’s the one to blame for the rift in yours and suguru’s relationship — because when he succumbs to the bleeding and the injuries, and someone aside from you screams for an ambulance, you can’t bring yourself to leave him. 

like a bird in a cage, you’re trapped by satoru’s love.

or perhaps he was just taking advantage of your weak little heart like always. 

being at home is supposed to bring you comfort, there’s nothing like it. 

your home is like a safe, full of precious memories locked away with a key that only you possess. if you push through the door you’re met with a gust of nostalgia — the sounds of childlike laughter as undertones to scolding parental voices. as you drift down the halls there’s works of art made with crayola ink on the walls, and sometimes there’s tears in that one little spot at the top of your stairs. 

spices from your favourite home cooked meal burning on the stove top usually waft throughout the place, calming you down and filling you with warmth. you can’t remember a time where the smells and aromatics of your home have failed to bring you back down to earth. they trigger waves of fondness and flashbulb memories of your father teaching you and suguru as siblings how to cook whenever your mother fell ill.

your home not only hosts heartfelt conversations between four people who love each other, but it speaks too. it would creak and groan and squeak with every step you took deeper inside, with each time you ran through it while being chased by your brother. 

every single one of these moments, these sounds and scents they’re all part of a precious network that make up the foundation of your home. plaster made of love and bricks born from happiness, all glued together by layers of forgiveness in the form of concrete. it’s a house full of happiness, your home is. made by your parents, suguru and you. 

but right now you feel as if the roof of your home has caved in.

you’ve been sitting outside of suguru’s bedroom for hours now. your pretty dress soaked in blood and your face in your own tears. you can hear him on the other side of the door — he’s talking to someone, no doubt looking for last minute flights or begging for one of his client’s private jets. and you’re terrified because if he leaves like this you might never speak to one another again. 

you don’t want that, you can’t have that.  

you wonder where he might go — if it’ll be some place you always planned to visit together when you were old enough. a trip abroad was something geto had promised you if you graduated. now here you were. graduated but without your big brother by your side. Paris, London, New York — all places you were meant to explore with your eldest sibling by your side. 

though at this very moment, he was all the way on the other side of a door he had no intention of opening.

it’s like the entire world has collapsed and caved in on you — there’s a hole starting to form in your heart that only suguru can fill and until today, as he begins to pull away from you, you hadn’t realised how much space in your life he had occupied. you leaned heavily on your brother, he shielded you from experiences like this time and time again, and all you could do in return is fuck his best friend. 

some grateful little sister you are.

your face burns with a fresh set of tears, hot at the centre and underneath the fat of your eye bags. you’re so dependent on him, you wonder how you’ll cope when you move cities and start a real life outside of the shelter your brother had worked so hard to build for you. the very idea makes your insides twist and stomach turn. you’re not even sure if geto will want to keep in touch with you once either of you are gone.

leaning against his door, you paw at your wet face — hoping and praying that he’ll hear you out. that he won’t leave you, because without suguru you have no one. 

wait… that’s not true.

there’s still satoru. if he even wants you after all of this. if you even want him.

why is it that he chose this way to confess his love for you? why is it that he dragged you away from a family dinner to fuck you instead of just being honest? why was satoru so selfish? 

he hurt you over and over again — left mental scars on you and treated them like open wounds, adding salt and citrus and whatever would sting just to make sure you kept on needing him and only him. he hurt you to make sure you loved him back and you’re sure he had no idea. there’s an underlying guilt coursing through the blood in your system — guilt in letting satoru take all of the blame for falling out with suguru. especially when he defended you against your brother’s switch up and acidic, toxic words. especially when he’s posted up in a hospital bed for his battle wounds — split lip, possible concussion, bruised eye sockets. 

your white haired lover had tried to be brave for you when you’d left him at the hospital to come home and change. there was terror evident in each dark blue fleck in his baby blue eyes, anxiety wrapping around his heart at the idea of you just leaving him there. he thought you would be leaving him forever.

fuck. gojo was good to you, in so many bad ways. you wished that you’d never met him, that you’d never fallen for him either. 

before your mind is fully able to slip away to your lover boy, the door to suguru’s bedroom clicks open softly — forcing you to scoot away from him so that he has room to step out. neither of you move — frozen in time like marble statues carved millennia ago. you look a mess and suguru looks like a clean slate. where your dress is blood and snot stained, your makeup smeared and eyes puffy — your older brother has been washed free of tonight’s grime, his cuts are plastered over and his knuckles bandaged. not a single dark, obsidian tendril of his hair is out of place either — perfectly tied back into his signature bun.

most importantly, there’s not a trace of bitterness on his face — almost as if the events of tonight never even happened. 

as if you never ruined his friendship with gojo or ruined his perception of you — his little sister. 

yet, there’s a glum sort of gleam to his dark eyes, he’s tired — he’s been thinking too hard, going through every step over and over again trying to piece together what he missed. why would you hide this from him? you hate how lost suguru looks. that you did this to him too.

he doesn’t want to fight, not with you. not after satoru.

“i’m sorry,” you whisper, shifting to sit on your knees in front of him — as if you’re about to bow for geto’s forgiveness. “i should have never… i didn’t mean to—“ you pick at stray pieces of skin by the bed of your nails, flailing for words as you slip under the surface of your painstaking emotions. “i’m…i’m…”

geto crouches down to your height, using one hand to wipe the tears from your big bambi eyes and another to tilt your chin up towards him gently. “sorry.” he finishes for you, flashing you his classic, loving smile. “it’s okay…just give me time.” 

you nod shortly, your features twitching as you fight back the urge to cry again. 

the older male clicks his tongue and shakes his head, the pad of his thumb swiping under your eyes gently. “oh no, none of that, don’t cry for me.” as always, suguru comforts you and tends to you like a flower in need of nurture. “i’m sorry too, little one.” 

“a-are you leaving?” 

“for a little while.”

your face crumples once again. “suguru—“ comes your childish huff as he stands — but before the elder geto can get very far, you latch onto his wrist in one last clingy attempt. 

suguru shakes his head one more time, more vigorously as if he’s trying to get rid of his own tears — knowing that if he lets you continue and beg him to stay, he won’t have the chance he needs to heal.  “i can’t. i need time,” your brother says firmly, almost as if he’s scolding you. “you can’t expect me to get over it just like that. it’s not fair.”

you’re fully aware of that, selfishly choosing to ignore the fact — just like satoru would. life isn’t fair, so you suppose this is life’s own way of punishing you for hurting your brother and causing him grief. 

“sugu, please don’t go.” 

“give me a few weeks, a few months even, and i’ll come back. i promise.” he sighs in response, practically begging you at this point. it kills him to leave his younger sibling just as much as it kills you to see him go. however, every time suguru lays his eyes upon you, all he feels is betrayal and loss. all he can see is his best friend’s hands ruining you. corrupting you. it almost makes suguru resent you, for taking a bite of an apple from the snake he’d warned you about. hating you is the last thing suguru wants. “i can do that for you because you’re my little sister. because i love you and deep down, you’re everything to me. but i just need to get over this first.” 

it’s because you’re his little sister that he’s even able to look at you. if you were anyone else, if you were satoru, dinner would have been it. 

“‘m sorry,” you whimper for the millionth time, in defeat, weakly allowing suguru to help you onto your feet. every fibre of your being tingles with the need to hug him, soothe him in the ways he would do for you — though you know better. that’s not what he needs right now. geto needs you to let him go.

“i know,” geto hums sadly. he tucks your braids behind your ear, thumbing your cheek affectionately “you should go to bed, it’s getting late.” 

he presses a lingering kiss into the baby hairs on the crown of your head as he softly grips your arms — using them to rotate you both until his back is to the door and yours is to the looming hallway. 

“goodnight,” you sniff meaningfully. a nostalgic feeling rushes over you, a sense of déjà vu — reminding you of the time when suguru first left for college. 

suguru smiles again, disappearing into his room with a whispered. “goodnight, little one.” 

and with that, he’s gone. 

you only hope that he’ll make good on his promise, forgive you and come back. 

because as the saying goes — if you love someone let them go. 

and if they come back to you, then they’re yours.  

after a hot shower, you find yourself taking heed of suguru’s advice and retreat back to the confines of your bedroom. 

childlike walls covered in ugly green no longer make you laugh or provide you with an uplifting and evocative solace. instead, you feel more cold and alone, desperate to leave this life behind and move on to bigger and better things. 

things that suguru had helped you to achieve.

while the scalding hot water had washed away any bloody stains from the night, any tears left on your cheeks — it did nothing to get rid of the slimy, gross feeling that you couldn’t seem to reach. it spread underneath the surface of your skin like wildfire through a forest, over each crack and crevice in your mind, slipped through the gaps in your rib cage to target your lungs like a respiratory attack. it was the shame, the guilt and the grief for someone you’d lost who was still alive. all three emotions plagued you. 

once safely behind your own bedroom door, shutting out your feelings about the night (after only half of them had swirled down the drain), you rest against its wooden frame — watching the droplets that were clinging to your supple skin drop to the ground as if they were the tears you didn’t feel like crying anymore. 

the towel around your exhausted frame drops to your ankles as you lethargically search your dresser for your favourite cocoa butter moisturiser. you work in silence, soothing the night’s wounds as you prepare for bed like your bother had said. you slip on a set of pyjamas, tie your braids back with silk scrunchies and just as you hit the lights — there’s a knock at your window.

you don’t move, waiting to see if it’s your imagination or your mind playing tricks on you again. 

but then, there’s another dull thud and you whip around from your dresser to meet a pair of clear-sky blue eyes that catch light under the shining moon does enough to illuminate every curve and slope to his dainty features. gojo looks a little compared to when you left him in the hospital — whatever fluids they’ve given him have helped with the hollow, purple-ish dark circles under his eyes. a few cuts still litter the angelic curve to satoru’s face, 

clutching the centre of your chest from under your sweatshirt (in an attempt to calm your beating heart) — you rush towards the source of the noise, tugging the latches of your window open. “satoru,” you breathe, your entire body going lax once you realise who it is.

“hey you,” he grins, holding onto the upper body panel of the window while he waits for your permission to come in. even though your room is dark, painted with tendrils of pitch black, the silvering moon does enough to highlight each cut or slash across his pretty face. “missed you.” 

slowly, you reach out to touch him. a single fingertip slides across gojo’s sharp jaw, so sharp that it could cut diamonds, before you angle his head from side to side — inspecting the injuries that hardly do anything to dampen his beauty.

“can i come inside?” gojo asks cautiously. “it’s kinda cold out here.” 

blinking, you snap out of your reverie and shift backwards on your bed to make space for satoru to come through. he crawls into your room quietly like he’s done many times before, sneaking over to see you during your breaks from university, and shuts the window behind him.

the both of you stand still in the dark, hardly able to see each other, hardly able to tell what the other is thinking. satoru wonders if you hate him, if this is it for you and he. should he touch you? would you let him?

and as for you, you’re stuck between a rock and hard place. your body, as always, calls for gojo — yearns to be near him as if you haven’t seen one another in a millennia. you know that he’s right there, you can hear his shallow and ragged breathing (probably from climbing up to your window) just centimetres away. he’s done so much to hurt you, ruin you… and yet you can’t seem to resist him or stay away from him when you know that you should. 

“i figured you’d want this back, that’s why i came.” gojo mumbles, dangling the chain of your necklace in front of you. you reach out to take it and your boyfriend lets go, but the jewellery hits the ground and you ignore it’s metallic clatter.

“satoru gojo…” you whimper, instead, taking a step forward into the void — your hands touch on his tiny waist before travelling upwards over his creased button up shirt to settle at the silver haired man’s broad shoulders. he groans low at the feeling of your nails raking across them from over the fabric, reaching higher to scratch at his scalp through the baby hairs on his neck. even though satoru remains stiff and hesitant at first, it’s an intimate moment, you’re hardly able to see each other while being pressed so close together — desperate and longing. gojo finally relaxes and grabs the fat at your waist, pulling your hips flush against his own. 

you stand on your tiptoes and use your grip on his hair to tug gojo down to your height — your lips a breath’s width away from each other. he’s so close that you can feel his breath coast along the seams of your lips. 

“what have you done to me?” you finish, whispering.

god, satoru wishes that he knew. he has no idea himself, the kind of power and hold that he has over you. “i don’t fucking know,” he finds himself saying, meeting you the rest of the way as he leans down to capture your mouth in a messy, searing hot kiss. “i don’t wanna know. just let me kiss you.” 

“mhm,” you all but whine in reply, wrapping your arms around satoru’s neck as he feverishly licks into the hot, wet cavern of your mouth. he feeds you his moans, one by one, pouring his apologies and unspoken words past your lips and into your soul. gojo can’t speak with your tongue in his mouth, he’s spent all night plagued by thoughts of you — wondering if he’d done the right thing by telling suguru, if he should have kept his mouth shut and his hands off you. if he should have done it properly.

he fucks everything up — especially the things that he loves. gojo wouldn’t be surprised if you were done with his bullshit now. he’d make the most of what you’re willing to give him for the moment. 

your lips grow sticky with the layers of spit swapped between you and you can taste him on you. in your mouth, on your tongue. he tastes like cold peppermint and wisps of pink wine. he feels like heaven under your fingers, his hair soft like the feathers of god’s favourite angel. you inhale the hint of his aftershave from his clothes, let it drift over your mind as well. he’s toxic, bad for your lungs like a vape or the chemicals from something else addictive. perhaps you’re smelling gasoline, the kind that satoru uses to start a fire in your lower belly. 

you shouldn’t be doing this, not again, not here, not with suguru across the hall about to leave you. but you can’t help it, satoru’s become your everything and you feel that you might not be able to live without him too. “satoru,” your arm shoots to wrap around his neck, hardly allowing the man to pull away from you and breathe. your movements are so fast that gojo stumbles and holds you tighter to catch his balance. though it might be because he’s afraid you’ll disappear. “satoru, satoru, satoru please…”

you’ve no idea what you’re even begging for, just chanting his name between bruising kisses, his tongue sloppily gliding over yours while he fights to pull away from your intoxicating lip locks. “don’t beg, baby,” he grunts hot and heavy, dragging a thumb over your swollen lips. “god, please don’t fuckin’ beg. you have no idea what it does to me.” 

“but i need you,” closing your lips around the tip of his thumb, you suck gently and it causes satoru to grow weak in the knees — dizzy from the sensation. “and i love you…”

“fuck, i—“ gojo swallows thickly, watching you like a hawk as you suck on him salaciously. “i’m right here…love you too. now jump for me, baby.” comes his loving command, pulling the digit from the prison of your hot mouth. if he could, he’d take a life sentence to stay between your lips. 

following gojo’s lead, you leap upwards into his hold — allowing satoru to grope at your fleshy ass as he hoists you up. a pathetic bleat escapes his saliva laden lips when your thighs wrap securely around his waist, pussy slotting against satoru’s crotch while he carries you to sit on your dresser. 

after setting you down, satoru places a palm on the mirror above your head, steadying himself as lust and love for you and only you overwhelms him until he’s nothing but a shaky mess. a man that could be brought to his knees with just one look from you. his head drops to your neck, breath balmy against the surface of your skin, long white lashes tickling you there too. 

he grows enchanted by your steady pulse, pulled in my each of your little whimpers. a mop of silver hair descends upon your flesh, the taste buds on satoru’s pink, eager tongue mapping out your taste to commit to memory. he wants to remember your flavour forever — treating this as if it’s the last time he’ll ever touch you. 

“you…you asked me what it is that i’ve done to you. ‘n i told you that i… fuck, that i didn’t know,” gojo pants, a rosy blush spreading across the bridge of his nose and cheeks. one “but i can tell you exactly what it is that you do to me...” your lover looks down at you like a man drunk or high, facing an addiction he won’t be able to quit. it does something to you, drags crazed sex hormones from your brain right down to your pulsating clit. 

the temperature in the room rises, boiling and bubbling — the particles in the air teaming with so much desire, buzzing around with an equal amount of kinetic energy. “you’ve ruined me,” he mumbles wistfully, a man charmed. gojo leaves a wet trail over your pulse point, slowly sinking his teeth into the area. there’s a gentleness to the way that he leaves his mark on you — panting like a wet dog as he does so. “you make me want to take care of you. you’ve got me so fucked up that i can’t tell what’s up or down….” he moans into the sweltering ambience of the room.

satoru forces himself against you and you gasp, head hitting the mirror because you can feel how hard he is against the crotch of your night shorts. “i want to be your everything,” his selfish tendencies seep through into his actions, love bites gojo works against your neck become more prominent and harsher — as if to get his point across or through your head. he wants you to know how much he wants you. “just like i know that i’m yours.” 

it’s true. he is. 

the very phrase make your hips buck up into his, a wave of slick pooling between your folds as they catch on the print of gojo’s dick. “f-fuck…” the tail end of your words end in a lost whine, too turned on by gojo’s desperation for you. only you. 

“i love you,” he whispers, voice silky smooth while continuing to ravish your neck and collar bones with shades of deep purple and blue. gojo’s large hands sneak down to your waistband to pull your shorts off and on instinct, you do the same — a nagging craving for more of him taking over you once again. “like no one before. dunno why i didn’t say it earlier, don’t know why i didn’t wanna show you off.” 

satoru tugs your panties to one side, wedging them behind your swollen pussy lips and exposing your quivering mound to the night air. even though the room is dark, he can still see the glisten of your arousal and whines wildly from deep within his chest at the sight — urging you to yank down his boxers too. 

circling your hips up to meet his, the both of you hiss in unison as your leaky, sopping sexes come into contact for the second time that night. it feels right. just having the length of gojo’s heavy shaft nestled between your sticky folds — it’s natural, as if you’re made for one another despite fate not wanting you to be together. his tip spurts early traces of precum against your slit in another form of marking, hot and creamy against you while the scent of sex begins to waft through the air. 

it’ll never matter how much you try to resist satoru, for as long as he’s around, you’ll fall into this twisted little routine — a repeat offence of betraying your brother. your nails come up to dig crescent moons into his milky toned and strong arms, gritting your teeth at the pleasure beginning to wash over and drown you. “s-shit baby—“ gojo mewls through a pout, finally giving up on biting and sucking at your neck to rest his sweaty forehead against your own. “just wanna be good to you…wanna be enough for you. p-promise i’ll give my everything just t’be the one takin’ care of you.” 

satoru slurs his words but the very promise sounds like a dream for you. it’ll be everything you’ve ever wanted out of the man, all you’ve ever asked for in all these two years of fucking around. to be equals, to be his partner for the world to see. although, a tiny seed of doubt begins to sprout in the back of your mind — you’re not even sure if it’s true, if satoru’s just making empty promises to get you like this, to manipulate you into staying after messing everything up with your brother. 

could he take care of you like suguru did? could you trust him to do that? 

your jaw goes slack as gojo drags his hips back and forth, back and forth, the pretty blue veins wrapped around his cock running over your clit — stimulating you into a weakened stupor. milky droplets of pre glaze the length of your dripping cunt, satoru rubbing it in the more he grinds into you. 

the dance of your bodies is toxic and never ending, the way you rock into each other in perfect harmony causing your dresser to delicately thud against your bedroom walls. “d-do you promise, ‘toru?” you gasp, biting down on your lower lip hard enough to draw blood, as though to stop yourself from crying out loud from the electric current of pleasure he gives you. “y-you have to promise me.” 

silvery white brows knit together in the centre of satoru’s forehead, making him look pathetic. his hand forces it’s way between both of your tight and tangled limbs to grab hold of his bright red an, bulbous cockhead and circle it against your pulsating clit — dragging it up and down until it grazes your hole.

he damn near chokes on a glob of spit when you unconsciously clench around him — a loud simper bubbling up on the edge of his pretty pink lips. you’re quick to lean forward, practically slamming a hand over satoru’s eager mouth to keep him quiet. 

“p-promise me.” you repeat wetly, panting out the syllables as his dick slots perfectly against your wetness — both of you move with vigour and hushed whimpers and moans, satoru chasing after your soused sex like a hungry animal. you feel like you’re going fucking insane beneath him, watching as his tie to sanity starts to dissolve into thin air just from the way your pissy drips all over him with treacle-like juices.

no one on this earth could make satoru gojo give this up. give you up. not your parents, not his, not your brother. he’d rather die than let another person have you in the way that he does right now, where you rut your hips into his in one fluid motion. even if his heart breaks and his muscles ache — he can’t…he won’t stop giving you his all, won’t stop making you see fucking stars. 

a pressure begins to build just above your pelvis — brought forth by gojo bullying your pleasure nub with his sopping dick. it’s obvious how close you’re getting, your puckered hole gushing all over him and clenching on nothing. but it’s not like the man above you is in a better state — you’ve wrecked gojo, sent the man to high heavens and brought him back down to earth all at once. you’ve shown satoru that he’s worthy of being loved, that he’s capable of doing the same. the realisation only adds to the intensity of your sinful movements underneath the watchful eye of the moon. 

tears spring to his brilliant blue eyes, another clamorous sob breaking free from your hands over his mouth — making you clasp him tighter. everything is so intense and emotional, pleasure mounting like bricks for both of you. you’re shaky in one another’s hold, sticky against each other while your arousals lube everything up and make the whole ordeal wetter. it really does feel like a crescendo, the highest point of an orchestra’s song — where your bodies are the instruments played by one another. 

“satoru,” you repeat his name, warning him, begging him to focus through the thick fog of love, lust and desire clouding his brain. 

“i-i—“ gojo chokes down his feelings, slamming his other hand on the dresser behind you to trap you in underneath him — his hips never let up, however, roughly snapping into yours. “i promise. i promise, baby — always will, fuckin’ swear it.” he mumbles under his breath against the palm of your hand. 

and that’s all either of you need to hear for the dam to break. 

gojo’s rhythm falters, his hips stuttering as he succumbs to you and he hits his high. he lets out a cry of your name so genuine it pulls at your heart strings and you slip under the surface of ecstasy’s ocean — letting it fill your lungs as you cum too. you screw your eyes shut with the white light that blinds you through your orgasm — afraid of what may lie on the other side of this world-ending sensation. you don’t want the reality that awaits you. you don’t want to have to wake up from this little dream you’ve created with satoru. 

speaking of, the white haired man collapses over you in a fit of shakes and shivers — ropes of his white seed coating your aching mound. there’s so much for it, all caused by and for you. he doesn’t stop rutting into you, even though it’s sensitive, but wraps his arms around your head just to comfort you through it. hugging you to him while you both come down. 

he’s good to you, so good in this moment, but you have no idea if this will translate past tonight. 

“can i fuck you?” he asks through ragged breathing. “just a little bit, won’t be long. just wanna make you feel good again, you’re so pretty when you’re moaning and feeling so fucking good on my cock.” 

you wince with overstimulation as satoru starts to rub his shaft against you all over again, working it up to another ripe and pulsating erection just for you. earlier, you had wished the night would last a little longer, so you could love him a little harder and here satoru gojo was — making all but one of your dreams come true. “h-hurry,” you whinge into his shoulder, your teeth sinking into the milky flesh as though to keep yourself quiet. “don’t make me wait.”

“never baby, you’re too pretty for me to be patient,” in one fail swoop, satoru nudges his tip inside of you — instantly filling you to the brim with sticky, sloppy cock and drawing a needy gasp from you. “yanno, you’re so cute when you take my dick, such a beautiful baby. no one compares to you.” 

you know that he might just be running his mouth to fuck you sweet again, telling you all of the things you want to hear — but you can’t help but want gojo closer and wrap your legs around his waist, using the heels of your feet to push him closer to the point where his cum-covered cockhead is brushing against your womb.

with fluttering eyelashes, your mouth falls into an ‘o’ shape and a silent mewl escapes you — it doesn’t take long for your partner to fall into the perfect pace, fuelled by his desire to make you both cum again and his need to chase the stinging, delicious pain he gets from chasing overstimulation. “d-did you get tighter baby? you’re fuckin’ choking me out here,” satoru grunts against your sweaty hairline, ramming his hips into your clenching cunt that practically squirts a crude mix of your remaining orgasms. “you gonna milk me? make me fill you up again?”

“y-yes! please satoru…don’t stop!” you whine in harmony with his moans as they rise in pitch — higher and higher until they’re whistle tone, scratching tigers marks down his muscled back. the touch drives gojo insane, activating something primal in him to the point where you once again have to cover his mouth with wet kisses. if he didn’t love you, then the simple gesture wouldn’t cause him lose his tether to the real world fucking you like this. 

if it was only a touch, why did it ruin him?

juices and thick waves of cum that had once coated your throbbing cunt now slosh over your dresser that dully thuds against your bedroom wall — over and over again the faster gojo’s hips pound into yours. the sound of skin on skin overwhelms all of your senses, you’re stimulated beyond belief and you’re crying from multiple places…it’s almost too much for your poor ravaged body to handle. 

“i’ll n-never stop…fuuuck baby, as long as i’ve got you. ‘m never stoppin’…never stoppin’… n-never—“ your man chants, crying into your mouth and the hot lustful buzzing hair between you when grab his ass so that he can fuck you deeper. the slit at his cockhead is overloaded with viscous precum, smearing it along your inner and gushing ribbed walls — claiming your insides for the second time that night. 

your hips run from the pleasure that you crave and that satoru gives to you — cross eyed and panting from above you like a wet dog. there’s no need for him to run from you though, you won’t let him, not when he needs to be loved by you. someone who cares for satoru gojo despite all of his mistakes.  

a creamy ring begins to form at the base of satoru’s swelling cock, all white and frothy from where he’s been churning your guts up lovingly — pounding his earlier orgasm inside of you as if to make it stick. your clit grinds against his smooth pelvis, dragging you by the ankle to another world-altering orgasm and his balls slap wetly against the curve of your fleshy ass. 

satoru adjusts your body against the dresser so that the curve of your spine rests on the table and he’s able to hike your legs over his shoulders so he can bully that one special spot only he can reach. your knees meet your chest, breasts bouncing beneath them from the force of the white haired man’s chest. “g-god, you’re…you’re fucking me too good,” you gargle, hands in his sweaty mass of silver hair as you tug gojo implausibly closer. “i wanna cum…are you there? c-can i cum, ‘toru?”

pressing his forehead to yours, satoru nods feverishly. “right behind you, baby. where do you want it?” there’s a fluid roll to your man’s hips, his cock dipping in and out of your fluttering entrance so fast and so good that you’re sure you’re about to lose consciousness. “how about inside? how ‘bout you lemme leave somethin’ with you?” clear, thick strings tie your clenching pussy to satoru’s cum glazed shaft — glistening under the night’s natural light. you can’t wait for there to be more of him inside you. “touch your clit for me baby, make yourself cum on my dick.” 

you do as your told, fumbling between your salt-licked entangled limbs for the little nub between your swollen folds. immediately pressing down on it, you find yourself tightening around gojo while he grinds harshly against your g-spot and moans breathily against your Cupid’s bow since your foreheads are still pressed together. 

“s-sa…satoru! ‘m…i’m cumming!” one look at him, completely destroyed by you, is all it takes to send you flying to cloud nine — your stomach lurches and your eyes roll back into the dark depths of your skull as you cum one more time for your lover. clear streams of your essence squirt steadily from your cunt, bathing satoru in your orgasm while you succumb to overstimulation. 

his tummy and thighs are doused in your precious liquid as you quietly scream his name — all of these senses serve to trigger his own orgasm. “c’mon, that’s it little one. give it to me, i gotcha. want it all over me,” gojo smirks against your lips, peppering them with soft kisses while he wrecks and bullies your insides in an attempt to cum himself. “oooh, fuck. i love you, i love you, i love you.”

just like he promised, satoru gives you another hot load — failing to stop fucking you through either of your highs. he loses control of his hips, allowing them to languidly and uncoordinatedly rut into you — pushing his seed further up your silken walls until your cunt is covered in a layer of white. there’s so much of it that white drips his balls and inner thighs, as well as down to your puckered asshole. maybe it’s a little crude if him, but satoru’s lengthy fingers gather what you leak and smears it against your lips — kissing you there, sucking your mixed flavours from your eager mouth.

it’s only while you calm down from your orgasms that things start to change…drastically. 

even as satoru kisses your hairline and whispers praises against it, rocking you back and forth as you twitch with the aftershocks of your orgasm — the fear comes rushing back. 

the post-orgasmic clarity hits.

the tears start flowing once more and you realise that you’re so, so tired of it all.

yellow and artificial light from down the hall seeps through the gap underneath your door, accompanied by footsteps. you’ve no doubt that someone in your home is awake, maybe your mum going for her late night glass of water, your dad for the loo or maybe even suguru. for his flight. the light is glaring and illuminates your room — highlighting the night’s mistake. satoru. 

when the footsteps recede and the light dims down, you let out a breath you hadn’t realised you were holding �� your silent tears blooming into quiet hiccups that you have no control over. “h-hey,” he cups your face, wiping at your eyes just like your brother had done before shutting you out. “hey pretty girl, what’s the matter? did i hurt you? was that too much—?”

slicing through gojo’s words, you find the strength to speak even if it hurts to reveal the truth. it’s like ripping off a bandaid, “how do i know that you really mean all this? that you’re going to keep your promise, ‘toru?”

“w-what?” 

“i can’t do this!” you snap as loudly as your voice will allow you to. you don’t want to wake anyone else up nor get caught by your brother with your pants down for the man who betrayed his trust. not to mention, nearly getting him to hate you. “you promised to take care of me. just like suguru would, while we were basically having sex — how am i supposed to trust that?” it sounds crazy coming from your mouth, doubting satoru even after the intimate moments that you’ve just shared. however, you’ve been around this block with him too many times, you know the signs off by heart, you’ve memorised the cracks in his resolve as if they’re those in the pavement. the ones people tell you not to step on to avoid bad luck. 

you feel unlucky, you feel played and naive. you saw all the warnings and wilfully ignored them because you liked the way satoru loved before he knew the weight of the word. “how am i supposed to trust you?” you add, voice wavering.

satoru can’t seem to find an excuse — maybe because his brain is too fucked out or maybe because he’s shocked that you’re not just blindly trusting him anymore. he always thought things would be easy with you, that this nightmare would be over quick… and you’d take him back just like that. perhaps the dinner was your wake up call. “i don’t… i don’t know, i just…” he selfishly expects you to believe him. “you know me. you love me and i love you, can’t that be enough?” 

“you’ve never given me enough, satoru! it’s only now that you’re realising you want me as more than just your… your plaything! when i’m all you have left and suguru is gone with the wind!” you want to push him away but satoru is rooted in front of you, his presence sturdy unlike before. “you say that you love me, and i think i believe it…but it’s so hard to trust you. to not think that this is just an impulse.” 

“i’d wanna be with you even if suguru stayed, i always do. it kills me to be away from you!” satoru fires back, scrambling for something…anything that’ll make you see just how badly he means it when he says he loves you and wants you. that it’s not because he’s afraid of being alone. “i fucked this up, with you and with suguru. but i’ve known for a long time that i’ve wanted you, needed you to be mine and more than just a fling!” 

you look away, face twisting with pain. “i…i don’t believe that.” 

“then let me prove it,” the words rush right out of gojo’s mouth, faster than his brain can catch up — his anxiety spiking at the thought of you abandoning what you have together. abandoning him. “move in with me, come with me. i’ll get us a place in the city where your new job is, i’ll get my dad to transfer me to a closer branch of Gojo Corp… just let me show you how much i want to make this work — even if it means losing suguru.” 

satoru grabs your chin and tilts your gaze back over to him — but you can’t even look him in the eye. 

instead, your face burns, hot as your vision swims with another wave of tears. “i need your honesty, satoru. no more empty promises, no more false hopes.” he can see it in you now, how exhausted you are with the game of cat and mouse you’ve been playing all this time. you just want to be loved without constraint and satoru comes with so much baggage he’ll only weigh you down when you try to fly from the nest. it wouldn’t be fair. “i need you to choose. would you really give it all up for me? your reputation, your lifestyle, your best friend?” 

satoru’s wants to be selfish, desperately so. it’s all he’s ever known. taking and taking until his partner at the time is nothing but a husk of the person they once were. the difference this time is that he actually loves you, cares for you and would kill for you. he’s already taken so much from your youthful bright eyes. 

he would hate to take your spark too.

so satoru gojo decides to weigh up his options. 

either lose it all and keep you as his or lose you while the wounds he’s inflicted on everyone else heal. 

if you love someone, then let them go. if they come back to you, they’re yours. 

“then… then i’m sorry. for not being more honest. you’re right in every sense of the word…i can’t give this up,” gojo says simply, watching the light and hope in your eyes die out. “i think it’s best if we end it here and i let you go.” 

so reddit, AITA? 

UPDATE - AITA (27M) FOR FUCKING MY BEST FRIEND'S (26M) LITTLE SISTER (22F)? hey reddit. long time no see, i got a lot of attention on this post and undoubtedly you all decided that i was the asshole. i’ve done some work on myself and now i see that i was 100% in the wrong. i’ll spare you the boring details, because i know that’s not what you’re here for. i didn't want to leave anyone hanging, so here’s a quick update on where the three of us are at, one year later. i’ll start by saying — we broke up. i made the call so now she’s seeing someone else, and it’s serious. 

in another lifetime, satoru would have chosen to be with you. 

he’s certain that in another wonderfully weird and wacky universe — nothing would have stopped you from being that happy couple you wanted to be so badly. suguru might have even accepted your relationship, or maybe he would have died and his final wish would have been for the white haired man to make you happy. 

that is something satoru will never know. the idea comforts him whenever he’s left alone with his thoughts for a little too long.

however, this isn’t another lifetime. this isn’t a different universe. this is the reality where satoru gojo had broken up with you right after your graduation. 

he did it so that he wouldn’t come off as selfish — so that you had a chance to fix things with his ex best friend (and your brother) before it was too late. it was the least he could do after taking advantage of you, corrupting you against all of suguru’s wishes — but that didn’t make gojo any better of a man nor a knight in shining armour. he was still a shifty guy. 

still selfish, though, the decision was made with satoru still in mind. 

the night he’d broken up with you obviously ended in tears. to you, it was the end of your life — losing your first love, and you couldn’t even be blamed. you were only twenty two, your reaction was justified. suguru had been right in that sense, you were innocent and your heart needed to be protected, satoru had definitely taken advantage of that. 

you were kind enough to let your then ex stay the night — as long as he was back in the hospital and gone by the morning. satoru never knew what transpired the next day, as you were quick to block him on everything, and you had every right. 

he made his choice and his bed, now he had to lie in it too.

geto did leave, gojo knows that much, having seen his best friend take up work at a law firm in the US. geto had since been low contact with him. as did the rest of your family. again, it was for the best — even if it did hurt and cause gojo to bury himself within his father’s company, working himself to the bone every day just as a distraction.

through the grapevine of CEOs and higher ups, satoru learns that you’ve followed in your brother’s footsteps and made your way over to the land of the free. the magazine you worked for, Heavenly Pact, was getting ready to start an american edition and word had travelled that you were going to be the head of their new office on that side of the pond. gojo was proud, excited for you — you were excelling in your career all on your own, he was glad that he hadn’t ruined that for you too.

being in the states from time to time, satoru often wondered if there would ever be a time where he ran into you. would you be happy to see him? would you even want to talk? what would he even say?

‘i’m sorry for fucking you for fun and fumbling the bag — almost destroying your relationship with your brother when i caught feelings’ wouldn’t exactly fly well with you, he was sure.

it didn’t end up mattering anyways, because when gojo does eventually bump into you during business hours — he almost doesn’t recognise you. he’s in New York for some big, fancy corporate meeting about mergers and acquisitions, whatever his father had put into the file gojo was skim reading on his phone at the last minute, right before making his way up to the conference room. 

the elevator taking him there stood about six floors shy of satoru’s destination and a young woman enters like a hurricane — bringing with her a whirlwind of paperwork and notebooks. “i-i’m sorry.” the young woman stutters from behind her pile of belongings, out of breath from seemingly running for the elevator. “could you press the button for my floor? i would do it myself, but…” 

there’s a strain in her voice that makes gojo chuckle to himself, reaching past her so that his fingertips brush over the cool and luminous buttons for each floor. “are you going up?” 

“down actually… you?” 

“up ‘m afraid, but headed to the top floor. so this elevator’s probably going to head straight down to wherever you need to be afterwards.” he offers up apologetically. he swears the tonation to her voice sounds familiar, it’s soft and sugarcoated notes stirring up a warm feeling in gojo’s tummy.

“that’s fine by me, i’m running ahead of schedule anyway. floor eleven for me, please.” 

gojo does as he’s told, pressing the button for the eleventh floor — he has to reach past the woman in order to do so. his vigilant blue eyes catch a glimpse of the fashion photography stacked in her arms amongst sketches and other designs while the scent of her perfume strikes a dizzying recognition within the white haired man. undertones of vanilla with subtle floral scents make gojo’s stomach turn and light bulb memories of those precious two years flash behind tired cerulean eyes. 

he knows you, he thinks, all too well.

he says your name under his breath as though he’s keeping a secret and you freeze — no longer sorting through the papers flying about the place. when you look up and your eyes meet, you feel like the world has stopped spinning and that it’s just the two of you, frozen in time.

“satoru,” you breathe and quite plainly, as if you’re holding back any emotion you feel towards your ex…but then you smile, and it’s so vibrant satoru feels like he might go blind. not a trace of resentment in those big, beautiful brown eyes. “it’s been a while.” 

you’ve changed a lot in only a year. while your face still holds its youthful innocence, except your eyes reflect growth and maturity — perhaps a little bit of exhaustion from how hard you’ve been working on your new job. you’re still as beautiful as the day gojo left you, but perhaps even more so. your light  glows instead of dulls, most likely because you’re free. he’s no longer holding you back with a jail sentence of his selfishness. you’ve been able to live your life properly, just as someone your age should. 

it would be wrong for him to interfere with your newfound happiness.

turning on his heel, satoru faces forward and avoids your gaze — continually repeating the mantra ‘she’d be better off without you.’ to stop himself from reaching out and touching you like he so desperately wants to. he misses you, that much is a fact, but that doesn’t mean he no longer craves to be with you, breathe you in, be by our side.

satoru had let you go three-hundred and sixty-five days ago with the hopes of you coming back to him.  

maybe this was it.

you don’t take kindly to being ignored, leaning forward with your papers and files tucked securely against your chest in order to garner his attention. satoru adjusts his dress shirt, plays with his cuffs, inspects his surroundings — anything to avoid you and make a fool out of himself. or worse, mess everything up for you. his therapist had called his previous and past behaviours a self-destructive tornado — destroying everything in its path without regard.

he couldn’t go back to that.

“gojo, don’t pretend like i don’t exist,” you pout in annoyance — reminding your ex all too much of the times you spent together at your dorms. “i see you and you see me. we’re adults, surely you can handle a conversation.” it’s your teasing tone that finally makes gojo cave, sparing you a starry, blue eyed glance. 

he can’t help the cocky chuckle that escapes him, almost slipping back into his old and familiar ways with you. “you wanna talk to me that bad, huh? did you miss me or somethin’?” it’s a condescending and patronising thing to say — almost as if he’s treating you like a child. 

that makes you stand up right, heat rising to your cheeks at the familiar feeling — you’re not mad though. “i see you’re still as full of yourself as ever.” 

it’s satoru’s turn to pout this time, shifting his focus to a corner of the rising elevator . “h-hey! i’m working on it!” you’ve never seen him so nervous, not in your entire life of knowing him…but you suppose a lot can change in a year. you’re sure he’s different, just like you are. “yanno…therapy ‘n stuff. it helps. helped.” 

“oh yeah?” you hum curiously, knowing that he’s making reference to your break up, losing suguru. you don’t dare to press further, though. “me too.” the pair of you fall silent for a moment, sitting with the unaddressed awkwardness, the tension and unresolved feelings. “how…how are you? how’s things?” 

he’s surprised that you’ve even asked, let alone want to talk to him after everything he’d put you through. it’s weird but also clear that you’d been working on healing too — what’s a conversation between two adults then? “good,” satoru starts, though he’s being far from honest. he misses you. “i’ve been working to finally take over dad’s company. old man’s retiring, so i thought i’d play my part and be responsible for once.” 

you grin warmly at the news. “it sounds like you’re doing well, toru.” he nearly jumps at the familiar nickname, choosing not to respond. “not that you asked, but i’m kind of in the same boat? they’re putting me at a deputy manager’s position for my magazine’s new branch. i’m excited.”

“i’ve heard,” the words rush from satoru’s mouth before he can stop them, feeling sheepish as you raise a brow at him. “not that i’ve been stalking you or anything! you hear things when you’re at the top!” 

“yeah, sure.” you tease, enjoying watching gojo squirm.

a question he’s not sure he’s allowed to ask sits on the tip of his tongue and satoru pushes it around in his mouth hesitantly. “how…how’s suguru?”

you perk up, tentatively choosing what to say next. “o-oh…he’s good? we’re…our relationship is better now. it took a lot of work, but he’s healthy and happy. i… i think he misses you sometimes but, he’s still not ready yet.” 

gojo nods once and chooses not to press about his ex best friend further. “and how are you?” 

“m-me? i thought we’d just went over that—“

your ex turns to face you fully, a pleading look on his face that shocks you out of your casual stance. you can still see how much he adores you and cares for you, as if it never left his nature to want the best for you. 

“are you happy?” 

he asks the loaded question like it’s easy to answer and you do have to think about it. are you happy? you’ve been putting in the work to feel like that again, after breaking it off with satoru you were low. almost rock bottom. it was your first ever break up and it hit hard — not to mention you didn’t have your older brother to fall back on at the time. you knew it was time to stop depending on others, it was time to grow your own spine. you took to therapy, you learned your triggers and icks and red flags. it took time and patience with yourself, but here you were, a year later and a little happier than when you saw satoru last. 

“yeah,” you confirm with a shy nod, taking interest in your feet while you hide your smile. “i’m happy. with myself, my work and my partner—“ 

partner? 

“—you’re dating someone?” gojo quips as the elevator dings for the floor just before his. 

“ahh yes! it’s still new but… he makes me happy. yuuta okkotsu, you might have seen him around? i hear his family’s company and yours have done some work together.” you seem bashful as you talk about yuuta, someone you met through work, someone your age. a sense of pride in being together taking over you. you show him off and boast about him in a way that you wished gojo would have done for you. 

the revelation nearly kills satoru — it’s like a bullet to the chest or a knife to his heart. envy bleeds from the open wound, pours down his front and taints his blood stream. it fucking hurts to know that you’ve moved on to someone who treats you better than he ever could…but you deserve it. you were so good to him and to the world that it would seem like a crime for you to end up with someone who didn’t love and appreciate you in the ways that they should. 

that doesn’t make him feel any better though, it makes him feel as though he might die. 

when the elevator reaches the gojo’s floor  — he falters in stepping out without saying goodbye or replying to you. he would be doing it to hurt you, and to be spiteful or petty. just like back then. 

there’s still so much that he wants to say to you — so many things he wants to fix but he can’t shake the feeling that this was it. this was closure for the both of you. 

as he exits, he whirls around with enough time to spare before the doors close on you, and this chapter of both of your lives — just catching your bewildered expression. “thank you, for everything,” gojo calls to you fondly, watching your previous expressions morph into something soft and appreciative. “i…i really did love you, and if i could go back and do those two years over again. i’d be better, for you. i’d love you, properly.” 

the doors to the elevator slowly begin to close and satoru steps forward at the same time as you — it feels like you’re sharing one last goodbye. 

“i know,” you say without a trace of malice, a wistfulness in your voice. “i’m thankful to have been with you, because you taught me so much in such little time. i’d do it again, if we were better.”

a sad smile tugs at the corner’s of gojo’s pink lips. “in another life?”

“in another life.” you confirm, mirroring his smile as the elevator finally seals itself shut — leaving him with his reflection on it’s cool, metal doors.

it’s a shame that you only have one life, and that there aren’t any do overs. that way, everyone could live a life without regret — because gojo has his regrets, where he wishes that he loved you better, harder, more…so that you’d come back to him and you would be his.

 always.

so redditors and other losers lurking on this thread. that’s my update. i already know a lot of you are going to say that i deserve this — and i do. but i’m happy for her, for both of them and i wish them both all the best. whaddya say, am i still the asshole? 

END.

꒰ thank you for reading. — all rights reserved © tteokdoroki 2023. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.

[torturedtypewritersdept]

proclivity - part four - savior complex

✯ pairing:

ex!bff!rafe cameron x diabetic!kook!fem!reader

✯ summary:

at one point in time rafe was your best friend. can summer romance erase all the damage he's done?

✯ [4.1k] warnings:

mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, heartbreak, diabetes lingo, injury, ghosting, fluff and fear, domestic violence (not rafe), mean!ex!jj etc.

✯ a/n:

nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was origianlly posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity and i have rewritten + reshared it here :) trying out a new format with this post, hope you like it!

As you pulled away from the kiss, panting, you searched Rafe’s eyes and only found solace in them. Why did this feel so right? Was it the greenhouse or the beauty of the plants surrounding you, the hues of green in the leaves that towered over your figure? Was it the romance or the pouring rain? You couldn’t put your finger on it and then, his blue eyes bore into yours and you could. It was Rafe. It was the man of your dreams kissing you at the college you’d both attend. You’d dreamed about this moment forever, thinking it would never really come and yet, you had your guard up, wondering when things got tough, if he’d run away again. 

“Rafe-” 

He kissed you passionately again, cutting off your words, both hands cradling your cheeks like his life depended on it. You chuckled.

“Rafe..” 

You placed your hands against his chest, pushing him away.

“What is it, sweet girl?” 

His tone was kind. It stung. You wanted him as close as you could get him, his sweet voice replaying over and over again in your ears forever.  

“I-, w-we can’t do this.” 

You stuttered out.

“What do you mean?” 

The hurt washed over his face and you immediately regretted the words that left your lips. 

“I’ve wanted this with you forever and-” 

Your words were cut off by Rafe once more, his pleading eyes, begging you not to let the moment end.

“Then, have it with me. I’m right here.” 

Before your brain could register its next move, the words were spewing out of your mouth at an aggressive volume.

“You have a reputation with girls, okay?” 

You said forcefully.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

He asks, accusingly. Though, the hurt laced in his blue eyes makes your chest tight. 

“It means I can’t be another one of your conquests. I can’t be another girl at a party or in your truck or on your lap in a golf cart if you’re not going to care about me next week. I’ve been there before, I can’t do it again.” 

You blurted out without thinking, really. But, you can’t deny the words – you meant them. The truth was, you had been that girl, minus the sex, you’d been his girl and then one day, like whiplash after a car accident, you’d woken up and he was gone. You knew you wouldn’t be able to handle that again.  

“Is that what you think of me?” 

His head hung low as he whispered. Before you were able to reply, your thoughts were quickly shoved away when the dinging of your phone erupted from within your backpack that still sat on Rafe’s shoulders. His features softened as yours fell. 

“You feel okay? Is that the tone for your blood sugar?” 

He asks gently. 

“It always does some stupid shit at the worst conceivable time.” 

He could tell you beat yourself about it, your illness. He wondered why, no one could help being sick. Who had made you feel like it was a problem? You looked down at your phone as Rafe handed it to you and realized your blood sugar was fine, you perked up at that. But, mentally cursed at Topper’s contact flashing across your screen. 

“I’m okay, Rafe. Don’t worry. It’s just Top.” 

You gave him a reassuring smile and he returned it. The words from moments ago seemingly forgotten, at least for now. 

“Hello?” 

You asked, clearing the phlegm from your throat. 

“Hey, where are you guys?”

He questioned. 

“We’re in the arboretum.” 

You replied with the hint of a smile. 

“You and that fucking greenhouse, I swear. Okay, well. Let’s get a move on. It’s pouring rain and I’m ready to go home.” 

Topper’s attitude had hurt you more than usual and your smile quickly faltered. 

“O-okay. We’ll be there soon.” 

You spoke into the speaker, trying to keep your voice even as you ended the call. 

“Everything okay?” 

Rafe asked, hesitantly. 

“Yeah, Topper just being Topper. He’s ready to go home because of the rain.” 

You let out a defeated chuckle, eyes tracing to your feet. Rafe had heard what Topper said. You and that fucking greenhouse. Rafe never understood how Topper could be so tone deaf, such a fucking idiot. Why was loving beautiful things so wrong? 

“Okay.” 

Rafe nodded and led you out of the front door of the greenhouse. This time there was no hand on your back or smile from him and you had never craved his warmth so much. There were no words exchanged between the two of you, only your guilt eating away at your core and before you knew it you were back at the Jeep. Rafe didn’t open your door for you and at that revelation, you swallowed thickly and tears lined your eyes. You had ruined your one chance with him. Topper and Kelce were taken aback by the sudden rigidity between you and the Cameron boy, but knew better than to say anything about it. They only assumed the happiness was short lived and you’d go back to hating each other. The car ride was long and agonizing and after two hours of radio silence from Rafe, you were in shambles. So you did what any teenager with no self respect would, you texted him. 

Y: Can we talk? 

R: for what 

Y: i’m sorry 

R: why 

Y: I was mean and you didn’t deserve that, just got scared 

R: scared? Of what? 

Y: you. 

R: why would you be scared of me? 

Y: because I know what kind of hurt your absence can bring. 

He didn’t respond to the last text and you took that as the final nail in the coffin. You had fucked this up. This entire day was perfect until you opened your big fat dumb fucking mouth and now the intimacy, the closeness, the Rafe you had so desperately prayed for was slipping out of your grasp. You could almost cry, but you knew if you started you’d never stop. Brought out of your thoughts by Rafe’s gruff voice, you looked to him as he spoke to Topper. 

“Just go to Y/N’s house instead of mine.” 

Your face fell and you started to spiral, he had taken back his dinner invitation and you could no longer hold in your tears, scared he was going to go away again, this time maybe permanently. You simply couldn’t bear that pain again.

“Are you alright, Y/N?” 

Topper questioned, worry lacing his features as he took in the look on your face. 

“Yeah, m’fine.” 

The tone of your voice made the hair on the back of Rafe’s neck stand up. It was flat, in a broken, numb sort of way. He hadn’t heard you use that tone since the night he took Maggie Mills up to his room after a party. He never understood why that had upset you so much. He looked at you, watching as tears threatened to spill from the corners of your eyes and you stared at the floorboard of Top’s car. You couldn’t feel anything, numbness over taking your body. He placed his hand on your shoulder, begging you to look at him, but your eyes remained locked on the floor. You couldn’t face him, not now, not after you had ruined things with him, again. You were brought away from the sadness by the ding of your phone. It was Rafe, again. 

R: please tell me what’s wrong 

Y: isn’t it obvious 

R: no, please tell me 

Y: you don’t want me at dinner now. You don’t want me.

R: what? 

Rafe began to put two and two together and visibly winced at the fear he had struck within you. 

R: I just wanted you to have fresh clothes. I’m sorry, I should’ve said that. Please don’t cry, pretty girl. I’d never do that to you. 

You didn’t reply to his message, but he looked on as your body slowly began to relax and reached over, wiping the tears from your cheeks and giving you a subtle smile. You returned it. Rafe had always catered to your anxiety, but he hadn’t been around you in so long, he almost couldn’t recognize it when it overcame you. Topper pulled into your driveway soon after and you were quick to rush inside, slipping into a new dress, adorned with pale pink lilies, and grabbing extra insulin before making your way back out to the jeep and climbing in next to Rafe. You quickly unzipped the bag that sat in between the two of you and shoved the insulin inside and you looked down at your phone, checking your levels one more time. They were still fairly normal, reading at 85 mg. Rafe looked over your shoulder, making sure your levels were okay and he was pleased when he saw they were. He knew it had been a long time since you’d eaten and you needed real food soon. As the sound of Topper’s brakes bringing the car to a halt met your ears, you locked eyes with Rafe who hopped out of the car almost immediately. 

“Well boys, this was fun. I’ll see you two soon.” 

You say with a false cheek. 

“Bye, beautiful.” 

Kelce muttered, dragging out the “L” on his last word. Topper simply nodded his head in your direction, unsure of what was going on between you and Rafe, but too tired to ask questions. By the time you had said your goodbyes to both boys, Rafe had made his way around to the side of the car and opened your door, helping you out with the grasp of his hand. 

“Thanks, Rafe.” 

You whispered, looking at the ground, still too spooked to look him in the eye. 

“No problem, pretty girl.” 

He smiled in response to your gratitude and the both of you made your way into the house. 

“Rafe, is that you?” 

Rose called to him as you both entered the foyer. 

“Yeah, it’s us.” 

He called back to her. She quickly emerged from the kitchen, meeting you both in the huge room, giving her greetings and ushering you over to the table where you were met with your father’s disapproving eyes. 

“Honey! It’s so good to see you. I was wondering where you were all day.” 

Your mother chimed in, walking over to you, placing a kiss on your cheek. 

“Hi, mama. Yeah, Rafe, Topper, Kelce, and I left early this morning to tour UNC. We made it back just in time for dinner.” 

“That’s wonderful, sweet girl! Did you love it?” 

She questioned. 

“Yes. Rafe took me to the greenhouse.” 

You smiled, but it quickly faded as you looked over at him, remembering the events that followed. He didn’t meet your gaze. 

“Rafe! Thank you, that’s been my girl’s dream for quite some time, being in that greenhouse, with you especially.” 

She smiled brightly in his direction and gave him a wink. Your cheeks flushed, embarrassed at your mother’s outburst of too much fucking information. Rafe let out a low chuckle and your brother, Brock, opened his mouth to speak. 

“Hopefully she wasn’t too much trouble for you, today, Rafe.” 

He spoke, his tone demeaning. 

“She’s never any trouble, she’s my best girl.” 

Rafe responded in an even, joking tone, in an attempt to diffuse the situation before his temper got the best of him. His hand made its way to your thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze. When did your brother become such a dick and what gave him the right to speak about you like you weren’t in the room? The subject quickly changed as Rose and Ward began asking you and Rafe about the campus and your majors. 

“So, Y/N, what are you thinking of majoring in?” 

Ward questioned. 

“I’d like to go into English with a minor in entrepreneurship. I’d like to take some business classes, too, I think.” 

You responded. 

“That’s wonderful! Business and English are two things that will help you so much in the working world.” 

He replied, truly excited for you. He’s always been one of your favorite adults. 

“Yeah, thank you! I think so too.” 

You replied with a sweet smile. 

“You know, you could always intern at Cameron Development this summer and get some hands on training with Rafe, Brock, and I.” 

He suggested. 

“Thank you, Ward. I seriously would love that!” 

You smiled his way, unsure if you’d take him up on his offer. It would look good on college applications and it would mean more time with Rafe, those were both good things, right? 

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, y/n. I don’t know that you could handle the workload, what with your condition and all.” 

Brock said quickly with a sneer. You cast your eyes immediately down to where your hands sat in your lap. 

“What about you, Rafe?” 

Your mother questioned him, ignoring your brother. It hurt that they oftentimes bowed down to his asshole nature, not wanting to fight with him. Sometimes you just wanted to feel fought for.  

“Dad and I have been talking about me going to business school and running the company eventually.” 

Rafe replied quietly, still unsure he had heard Brock correctly. Because the guy he knew loved his sister, he wouldn’t be treating you like this, especially not in public. 

“Of course! You’re a smart young man, it’s only fitting. You have a bright future ahead of you.” 

She replied with a cheerful tone. 

“Thank you, that means so much coming from you.” 

He replied with a kind smile. He always loved your mother and her sweet words meant the world to him. The familiar beep of your glucose monitor brought your attention away from the conversation and toward your phone in your lap. Rafe watched you intently, reading the levels over your shoulder. 80mg. ‘That can’t be good’, he thought. 

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” 

He whispered into your ear and you met his eyes. 

“I’m not feeling good, but I’m fine. I need to eat soon.” 

You responded, reassuring him. Even though you knew your levels were getting dangerously low. 

“How much longer on the food, Rose?” 

Rafe questioned. 

“About 5 minutes.” 

She smiled, letting him know it would be right out. Thirty seconds passed and the alert on your phone beeped loudly once more. You averted your gaze from your brother’s eyes and let out a sigh, but that didn’t stop his mouth from opening. 

“Not this shit again.” 

He spoke, boldly. 

“What did you just say?” 

Rafe’s tone was coated with venom, as he gave your brother a tight lipped smile, urging him to repeat himself, daring him to. 

“I’m just tired of the same shit everyday. She needs sugar, she needs insulin, blah, blah, blah. Everything is always about her.” 

He gritted out. 

“Oh you’re tired of it?! How the fuck do you think she feels?” 

Your father interjected, keeping his voice low, his kind honey-colored eyes becoming dark at Brock’s words. He’s clearly had enough. 

“Well, I’m sorry, this might not be my place. But, I don’t think she’s thrilled about it either and here she is dealing with it. It went off and she sighed, all she did was fucking sigh. She didn’t demand attention from everyone in the room. All she did was fucking sigh and you know what? She’s allowed to do that. She’s allowed to be frustrated about something that is wrong with her body. You could show some fucking compassion.” 

Rafe growled. 

“Rafael Joseph Cameron! Language!” 

Ward spoke Rafe’s full name, his tone laced with warning. 

“What dad?! You can’t let him talk about her like that!” 

He said, exasperatedly. 

“Ward, it’s really okay. He deserves to be bitched at.” 

Your mother spoke, sticking up for Rafe. 

“She’s a type one diabetic, not a fucking drug addict and i’ll be damned if I let you sit here and treat her like one.” 

At Rafe’s words the table fell silent. His father knew what the weight of his words carried, and now, so did you. Luckily for you, Rose served you your food first after the meal was done cooking and your sugar quickly went back up to normal levels, which was a giant relief to Rafe. Most of the dinner was silent after the conversation fizzled out. The words of your father affected you more than you cared to admit, yet not as much as Rafe’s. Rafe stood up for you in a room with two men that scared the shit out of you, all without batting an eye or worrying about a consequence. He stood up to his father for you and you knew you couldn’t just let that go. The conversations quickly became about business and Rafe watched as you mentally checked out, which probed his next question to you.

“Why don’t we go out to the dock, sweet girl?” 

You simply nodded in response, thankful to him for saving you from listening to your brother’s bullshit business plans any longer. Rafe helped you out of your chair and pushed it in behind you, leading you out the patio doors with his large hand placed on the small of your back. You quickly made your way to the dock on the other side of the cool grass, taking your shoes off and plunging your feet in as you sat on the edge of where the wood met the water. 

“You okay?” 

He asked, his cerulean eyes taking in your form. 

“Yeah, I am. Thank you for sticking up for me in there.” 

You gave him your best smile, even though he could see right through it. 

“How long has he been treating you that way?” 

“Since the day I came home from the hospital.” 

You whispered, but Rafe heard you, loud and clear. 

“Can you tell me about it? I mean, what happened when you got sick.” 

You swallowed thickly. Talking about your illness was easy but talking about it with Rafe was just different. He wasn’t there when you got sick and you resented him for it, but you also resented yourself for not giving him the opportunity to be. 

“It happened the Thursday after we stopped talking. I was with Topper, we were at the club, just swinging some golf balls and dicking around. He was with me everyday that week just to make sure I was handling things well and I wasn’t, so I’m glad I had him.” 

You said, with no particular emotion. 

“I’m sorry.” 

He whispered out, hanging his head in shame. 

“You don’t have to apologize Rafe, I’m not here to make you feel guilty. I just-, if I’m gonna tell you what happened, I have to tell the whole story.” 

You replied, trying to reassure him. 

“I know and I want to know everything.” 

He stated with a sheepish smile, nodding his head for you to continue. 

“I told Top I wasn’t feeling good that morning, but I thought it was just because I was hungover and when we went to play golf, I figured I’d be fine. But when we got to the third hole, I noticed that I was kinda nauseous and dizzy and my hands were shaking. I heard Top ask if I was okay before I hit the ground but I couldn’t register anything. Evidently he had called an ambulance because I woke up in the ICU three days later. They said I had a seizure and went into diabetic shock, which is when we found out I had type one.” 

You finished with a swirl of anxiety in your belly. 

“As much as it pains me to say this, I’m thankful you had Top.” 

Rafe smiled into his joke. His distaste for the closeness Topper shared with you had always been prevalent, but especially after the two of you had gone your separate ways. 

“Yeah, the funny thing is, I laid in that hospital bed for days willing myself to call you but I couldn’t do it.” 

You said suddenly. 

“I wish you would have.” 

Your eyes flickered up to meet his immediately. 

“I couldn’t do that to you. You decided you wanted a life without me in it and I respected that even if I didn’t understand it. I never wanted me being sick to be the reason you came back, I wanted you to come back because you wanted to. But it hurt like hell that I had to walk through that without you.” 

Rafe quickly pulled you in and wrapped his large hand around the back of your head, pooling your hair in his hands. He hugged you tightly and suddenly it felt like all the broken pieces of your heart had been mended. 

“I’m so sorry, sweet girl. Please, forgive me.” 

His voice broke as the words stumbled out of his mouth. He felt like there was no air in his lungs and all he knew was that he needed your forgiveness like he needed to breathe. He pulled back, holding you by your shoulders, looking to your eyes for confirmation of the hatred he was sure you felt for him, yet he couldn’t find it. 

“I forgave you a long time ago, Rafael.” 

You spoke softly, giving him the sweetest smile you could muster up. 

“Y/N, I need you to know that I’m never going to leave you again.” 

He said so sure – more sure of anything than he has ever been in his entire life. 

“I appreciate that Rafe and I hope it’s true. It’s just so hard for me to trust that.” 

You replied candidly. 

“I know and I’m going to work everyday to prove to you that you can trust me.” 

He responded, willing to do anything to prove that to you. 

“I hope you do.” 

He nodded, giving you the reassurance you needed. 

“So, uh, where’d you learn to kiss like that?” 

He asked, sheepishly, as he rubbed his hand against the back of his neck - one of his many nervous habits. His voice came out small and awkward and it made you laugh. 

“I don’t know, Cameron. Where did you learn to kiss like that?” 

Your eyes met, as you nudged his shoulder, which made him smile. 

“Lots of practice.” 

He replied and you visibly winced at the words that you had spoken to him earlier. You have a reputation with girls, okay? The hurt that laced his irises when the words left your lips would haunt you forever. 

“Hey, listen, about what I said earlier-” 

You began, but didn’t get to finish. 

“It’s okay, I deserved it.” 

He replied, his head hanging low. You gently lifted his chin, so his eyes met yours.

“You didn’t, not from me.” 

You said, very matter-of-factly. 

“What do you mean?” 

He asked, scrunching his eyebrows together. 

“I mean, I’ve always been your person – the one you tell anything to. It isn’t fair of me to project my shit onto you, so I’m sorry. That’s not what I think of you, Rafe and I need you to know that. I just got scared.” 

You replied, laying your heart directly in his hands. 

“Why are you so scared, sweet girl?” 

He wasn’t trying to pry, he just genuinely didn’t understand what you had to be afraid of, surely it wasn’t him. 

“I just-, I went through some things with JJ.” 

He nodded, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together in his brain.

“I see. You know you can talk to me, right? I mean – if you want to tell me, ya know, I’m the guy you tell.” 

He replied, assurance laced in his blue orbs. 

“Yeah, I do and I will when I’m ready.” 

He nodded, taking your answer as gospel. He knew you’d tell him when you were ready. He quickly changed the subject.

“What days are you working this week?” 

He questioned. 

“Uh-, Tomorrow, Wednesday, and Friday. Why?” 

You asked, confused. 

“Is it okay if I come see you?” 

He questioned, voice sheepish, unable to make eye contact with you in fear of your rejection. That’s what all this has been about to begin with hasn’t it – the years away from you, the fear that he just wasn’t enough. 

“You can always come see me. But, why do you want to hang out at the club?” 

You smiled in his direction, noting how respectful it was for him not to just show up. 

“I am a member, you know?” 

He joked and flush filled your cheeks. Bold of you to assume he'd be there for you, you thought. He must have noticed the change in your demeanor, because he grabbed your hand and lifted your chin. 

“I want to spend time with you, silly girl and I can only gain your trust by spending all the time I can with you.” 

You smiled at him. 

“Thank you, Rafe. That’s sweet.” 

You looked in his eyes, thanking him for more than just his sweet words and he had no idea. 

-

You walked into the club at 4pm the next day, spotting Rafe immediately as he sat at the bar, waiting for your inevitable arrival. You were shocked to see him, even though he said he’d come. Truth be told, you hadn’t taken most of what Rafe Cameron said seriously in the last few years, but him showing up meant something to you. It meant more to you than you cared to admit.  After you clocked in and made your way behind the bar, your eyes met his. 

“Well, hey pretty girl.” 

He flashed you that Rafe Cameron smile and it was over. You were done for. 

“Hello, Rafael, to what do I owe this pleasure?” 

You said, smiling back at him. 

“Just wanted to hang out with my girl, that’s all.” 

He replied cheekily. You rolled your eyes playfully.

“She’s working.” 

You retorted, a fun-loving tone soaking your tongue, dispersing from him to check on your tables. You glanced his way a few times, only to be met with eyes studying your form. Your co-worker Emily made her way over to you, noticing his gaze. 

“So, why is Rafe Cameron being a creepy stalker and staring you down like a serial killer?” 

You chuckled, Emily or Em as she was known by her friends, had quite the knack for being dramatic. 

“Em, he is not a serial killer or creepy!” 

You yelped, rolling your eyes at her. 

“Whatever you say, angel. But, I better not see your face on the side of a milk carton any time soon.” 

You jokingly rolled your eyes at her and made your way back to the bar. You wanted to chat with Rafe for a bit while the club was slow, but he was heading out for the night and that stung a little. As he gathered his wallet and keys in his hands, you snuck up behind him, placing your arm at the small of his back. 

“You just gonna leave with no goodbye?” 

You smiled up at him, secretly hoping that wasn’t his intention. His face lit up at the sight of your smiling face beaming up at him and he relished in the feeling of your hand on his back, touching him like this. 

“No way, pretty girl. Never. Dad called and needed me home, something with Sarah.” 

He responded. 

“Okay. Well, be careful.” 

You replied. 

“Always am. You call if you need me to take you home, okay?” 

He asks, but it’s not a question. 

“Okay, Rafael. Be good.” 

You smiled at him, squeezing his hand before letting him go and watching him walk out the front door. The rest of the night drug by, Sundays were usually very busy with Kildare residents playing golf while heavily intoxicated, but most of the traffic died down around dinner time. It was your night to close so you were by yourself after Emily went home at 4 and that meant blasting Taylor Swift while you started closing the club down for the night. You wiped the tables down first, belting out the lyrics to your favorite Taylor song to date I Almost Do. You could remember it having a different meaning when you and Rafe had parted ways, singing it at the top of your lungs in your bedroom, willing yourself to pick up the phone and call him. Now, the words didn’t sting as much and instead, you just wanted to feel his warmth. It was no longer the song of your heart, now it was just another song. Those feelings seemed so far away and you couldn’t help but feel thankful. You were brought out of your thoughts by none other than JJ Maybank busting through the front door of the club and you knew this could only mean disaster. You locked eyes with him and that devilish smirk that he somehow always sported sent chills down your spine. 

“Miss me, angel?” 

He questioned, hiss in his tone. You ignored him, which you knew better than to do. You knew what it would do to him. You knew it drove him absolutely insane, but you did it anyway because it felt good. 

“Look at me when I’m talking to you!” 

His yell echoed through the building and the fear that you remembered so well returned. 

“What, JJ? What do you want?” 

You scoffed. 

“I want your attention, honey.” 

He spoke softer now and you couldn’t help but think wow, what a psycho. 

“Sorry, you’ve lost that privilege.” 

“I haven’t lost anything, darling. Don’t forget who you belong to.” 

His sneer was sinister and you knew what he meant, what he was capable of. As he walked out of the door, tears filled your vision. You wanted so badly to call Rafe but you knew it would only mean disaster. He couldn’t know everything, yet. So, instead you finished closing the club and went home. 

taglist:

@maybankslover @inthelibrarybtw @luvrcndy @silkylovey @yagirlwrites @obxbabygirl @rafeecameronsbitch @klutzy-kay24 @roseczbalt

as always, if you'd like to be tagged please let me know <3

[jung-koook]

guys, I literally panicked here. I had a rollercoaster of emotions. I got home from work and went to take a nap for a bit. when I woke up I saw that bangtan had posted something on weverse about jimin's new project and I came here to scream and post about it. BUT TO MY SURPRISE I CANNOT ACCESS MY BLOG

I spent at least 10 minutes looking at this message without knowing how to react. then I just laughed like crazy because I really couldn't believe this was happening. and like a fool I went to check my blog and when I saw the message that it no longer existed I just burst into tears. this blog is literally so important to me. jung-koook is part of my love for bangtan. I've thought about leaving tumblr many times but never about deleting my blog because I want to leave it as an archive that I can always return to. I was sad, angry, with an enormous feeling of melancholy and nostalgia. It was like they deleted a part of my journey with bangtan. it was really sad.

I want to say all my thanks to everyone who sent emails to help me. thank you so much! I am so emotional right bow, I really didn't imagine that so many people wanting to help me. I got to thinking "will someone notice that my blog is gone? how long will it take for someone to notice? two day? will they miss me?". I don't think I'll ever feel more loved in the fandom than I do today. you guys are really so important and special to me but I didn't imagine that I was special to you too. I'm literally in tears here because of you guys. really, thank you so much! I don't think anyone helped me recover my blog more than you guys. because I tried to send so many emails to support but my emails weren't going through, and only a few minutes ago I realized that maybe I would need to create another blog to send emails to support. I was so nervous that I couldn't think straight, so I decided to calm down a little and try to do it tomorrow morning, but then I started receiving emails that you guys were mentioning me here and then I saw that this meant that my blog was back. 😭😭😭😭 I WANT TO HUG ALL YOU SO BAD RIGHT NOW THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH

[hibiscuslovecandles]

ᯓᡣ𐭩 LOVER BOYᯓᡣ𐭩|Twst First Years

Genre:Fluff,crack,AU, GN!Reader Warnings: Smoking weed,Alcohol consumption,Might be ooc this was the first thing i wrote, not proofread, Let me know if there's any warning I missed! Note: I wrote this some time ago lol I'm just trying to get this out my notes

❤️Summer of 2003. The three months where you were sent to the Rose Kingdom to stay with your grandma and aunt because you didn't give them enough calls.

❤️So there you were following around your aunt, grandma, and your grandma's boyfriend around a barbecue because you literally didn't know anybody there due to not having visited since you were like what 11?You're pretty sure the entire neighborhood is present considering the amount of people here.

❤️The same 4 people were going in and out of the gate to the backyard they looked about your age, you could socialize with them but that'd be more work than it's worth, they've probably known eachother for years and have dynamics already so it's probably best not to intrude

❤️Absorbing in the atmosphere of this place filled you with a sense of nostalgia the smell of hotdogs, the fairylights hanging from the porch,the worn down paint of the fence, the chatter of neighborhood drama that you don't understand, the kids around with pixie sticks, the styrofoam cup of cold knock off Coca Cola in your hand, the famous foldable chairs, the fact that you know when you wake up the next day you'll be covered in mosquito bites, all these things brought a warm feeling to your chest. Maybe this summer won't be so bad you thought as you lay in the hammock.

❤️You were so in peace that you didn't hear the sound of the house next doors dog barking.

❤️Almost in a snap of a finger you fell off the hammock hitting the ground when a group of boys jumped over the fence and into the barbecue.One of the boys having knocked you off the hammock during his escape. You only saw the back of the head of the guy who threw you on the grass without even apologizing as you got up. Orange hair.

❤️Two red heads, A young man and a middle aged woman, yelled “ACE” at the orange haired boy but he didn't hear either or them because of adrenaline or he didn't care because he just hopped into the next backyard with his friends following.

❤️The two red heads along with your aunt,granny,and granny's boyfriend hurried over to you and asked if you were alright which you were, No concussion or anything still they were apologetic, The ginger man in the sense that he was trying to be polite and the ginger woman in the sense she was cussing out this Ace kid

❤️The next day while you were in your aunt's office updating your MySpace blog on her computer your grandma called you downstairs where the the three gingers were waiting in the living room with the middle aged woman grumbling, the ginger man looking tired, and the boy that knocked you over looking annoyed that he was being forced by his mom to apologize to you.

❤️And thats how you met your boyfriend.

❤️Not how you got with him though…

❤️You two actually became pretty good acquaintances after that, no real hostility towards eachother, the reason why he was hopping fences was because he was running away from his friends house after his friends dad walked in on them drinking beer….it wasn't even cold beer.

❤️Whenever your grandma would send you to the convenient store to get her some ointment you'd always pass the basketball court on your skateboard and wave to Ace and depending on what he was doing he'd notice and wave back

❤️On your way back to granny after getting her ointment with the money she gave you Ace stopped you and asked you about your skateboard and if you could teach him how to skateboard, considering the fact you had really nothing else to do other than play a singular game on your phone, Update your blog, Listen to your Grandma's weird ass lore, Watch your trash reality television, Deal with your aunt's bitchy complaining, and sit in awkward silence with your grandma's boyfriend,you agreed resulting in you two swapping emails, numbers and MySpace's.

❤️You both made arrangements to meet on Saturdays at the skatepark since he only stays with his mom and brother on the weekends, trying to help him balance on your skateboard but his stubborn ass being persistent that he could do it and didn't need you to hold his hand like a baby... he ate fucking dirt without using you as a rail he was dickhead but in a boyish dirtbag way where it was entertaining enough you didn't completely wanna murder him and still went back to your place and tossed a band aid at him whenever he'd scrap his knee.

❤️Because you're such a excellent teacher he actually got pretty decent at skateboarding and the two of you managed to convince his mom after alot of begging to buy him a skateboard. You helped him decorate the skateboard at his place almost immediately after it was bought and helped him paint and put a punch of stickers on it.

❤️A skateboard with a swirling black and white checkered stair case pattern, a heart at the center with “TRAPPOLA” across it in ransim letters and a bunch of stickers from childhood shows like Scooby-Doo,Rugrats,Pink Panther,etc. It was a fun thing! So fun infact you two still hung out even after he got the handle of skateboarding

❤️You’d let your Granny and aunt know that you were going to the basketball court they knew you were just going there to hang out with Ace since you've never shown any interest in basketball in the past,Your aunt was far more hesitant on letting you hang out with Ace than your Granny considering your first encounter with Ace, while your Grandma just didn't want you to grow up to be a old lonely hag and to be like her so she actively supported the idea of you hanging out with him and for you to stop being single like she used to. You'd just sit on the bench at the basketball court cheering him on and dodge the occasional basketball flung at you.

❤️“This ones for you!" Ace shouted as he pointed at you, going to shoot,….he missed completely causing you laugh your ass off and him flipping you off, just usual banter between the two you, you made it up to him by buying him some Cheetos with your own money at the local convince store. You had a crush on this guy…You don't know if you had a crush on a loser or if you were the loser for having a crush on him all you know is that you liked spending time with him to the point you spent the entire day with him doing dumb shit around the neighborhood. You two had to book it back home once the street lights were on since that meant you two were gonna get fucking yelled at for being out that late

❤️You ended up getting dropped off first and as you hurriedly pulled out the key to your Grandma's baby blue house you felt a pair of lips press against your cheek before running noises you whipped your head to see Ace rushing away. You call out to him “Date on Saturday?” “If I'm not grounded!”

❤️And that's how you got your boyfriend.

❤️When you found out he'd be attending Night Raven College in the fall you were nervous since you two already lived pretty far away from eachother with him being from the Rose Kingdom and you being from Port Jubilee and knowing how things ended with his ex but Ace reassured you that he likes you enough that he'll message you everyday after classes end and that he'll try to get permission to go to your town to go on proper dates.

❤️And he does message you! He updates you on how his school life is going, sends pictures of his friends and a weird cat monster thing, and complains about his housewarden to you.

❤️You managed to get into contact to his friends Deuce and Yuu on MySpace!They were suprised that Ace of all people had someone i mean look at you!You're a beauty then theres just some guy :/ but hey you guys would exchange school drama letting eachother know what was happening at eachothers schools and they'd update you on dumb shit Ace did that he left out of his story on how his housewarden was being “unreasonable”

❤️Missing Ace has got you scrolling through your blog and Ace's looking at photos taken at dates from over the summer and just hitting you with nostalgia like your first date at the arcade and desperately trying to best eachother at DDR, that one date where he tried teaching you basketball, the date at where you swam in the river where your aunt,granny, granny's boyfriend and his mom and brother were present, Oh! Then there was the date where you two just laying on his mom's couch sipping on cold beers his mom forgot to lock up watching COPS on her TV, then that's the photo of the date where the two of you were being a inconvenience to the 7/11 employee by making slushies and filling them up with candy and overall just dicking around that the two of you eventually calmed down from by just laying on your backs on the abandoned train tracks in the woods.God you need this again.

❤️You actually like this guy enough that you have polaroids of him and you not even on dates just doing regular shit like cooking,walking, him playing basketball, skateboarding, flipping eachother off, holding hands, kissing,etc. All of these polaroids you decided to post on your blog in a messy pile resulting in Ace jokingly calling you obsessed with him despite him having taken some of those polaroids, Yuu complimenting the photos and thinking they look cute, Deuce still being confused Ace managed to bag ya know YOU, and some of other Ace's friends like Epel, Jack, and Cater finding you through Ace's friend list on MySpace and seeing your blog post and asking you ALOT of questions

❤️When he visited your place during winter break for a date it was the first time your parents met Ace, the only way they knew about him was through you showing them pictures of him and your aunt and grandma telling them about him. He tried to make a good impression while also trying to add a bit of his own personality mixed in there causing you to cringe and your parents to be even more wary about him. You told Ace to go upstairs while you tried to explain to your parents that Ace is a good guy you swear!

❤️Maybe your parents had a right to be worried…You two smoked weed in the locked bathroom while Ace helped you dye your hair a pretty color with the new Eminem album that Ace brought in his baggy pants playing from your CD player on the toilet lid. You two kept updating eachother on eachothers lives despite you two already knowing what was going on due to the daily messages it was just nice to talk to eachother face to face again that you two were just saying things the other already knew.

❤️It was nice to just hold and kiss eachother on the now wet bathroom floor with Ace simply playing with your hair lovingly staring at you admiring the new color. The open bathroom window not helping with the weed smell, you know damn well your parents are gonna flip at the two of you so you just lean your head against his chest and ask him to stay with you in the bathroom and he agrees, the two of you just dozing off in the tiny cramped bathroom.

❤️You got grounded for the weed and your parents took away your stash and your parents didn't want you to be with Ace anymore…That didn't stop you from sneaking out with Granny as your alibi to continue seeing Ace.

❤️Thats your bitchass boyfriend Ace Trappola.

♠️Middle school in 2001. Your dad is stingy and sends you to a public schools even though he 100% could afford to send you to a private schools but you couldn't care too much since if you went to a private school you wouldn't have your elementary school crush Deuce!You've had a crush on him since first grade but you were too shy to tell him or have your friend send him flowers you picked on the playground during recess!You've never spoken to him but It's the first day of middle school you can't wait to finally talk to him and see him aga-

♠️Hes blond now? Is all you think as you saw him near a group of delinquents at the start of the year assembly staring at him strangely trying to get used to seeing him with blond hair now, this must be a new development since you lived across the street from him and didn't see him with blond hair until now, you didn't know he hung out with that crowd?Maybe it happened over the summer he just didn't seem like the type to hang out either these kind of kids hell he even had a customized jacket so he was in deep.

♠️This was all you and your friend could talk about the first few weeks into middle school, Deuce always seemed like a good kid with his little rabbit lunch box and Spiderman sketchers but now he's in a tween gang, It just was a suprise is all didn't stop you over swooning over him.

♠️Your friend not showing up to school was also new development, you did ask them if something was going on at home or if they were being bullied which they evidently denied and told you not to press them on the topic if you still wanted to be friends so you didn't push for details just letting them know you're there for them….and you may or may not have voiced your concerns to the school counselor. The next day your friend showed up covered in bruises some of which look infected yelling their head off at you in the school hallway you weren't raised to take this so naturally you yell right back at them causing a screaming match between the two of you making the teachers split you two up.

♠️During 3rd period you glanced out the window in the door and see your friend walk into the bathroom with a group of delinquents following behind them, this immediately caught your attention and asked the teacher to head to the bathroom, you walked into the bathroom and saw your friend being pushed head first into one of the bathrom sinks. You immediately stood between your friend and the person who pushed your friend…it was Deuce. You spat hurtful words at him and his eyes softened in guilt for a second before his hands became fists and he punched you in the face with his delinquent buddies behind him cheering but sadly for him your dad didn't raise no bitch and always told you to aim for the throat.

♠️This landed you both in the principal’s office covered in bruises with a snarl painted on your face and a pout on Deuce's with your dad and his mom. His mom trying to apologize to your dad and the principal for the trouble but your dad was still hyping you up and giving you advice for your next fight with someone. Deuce still got 2 weeks suspension and you didn't face any real consequences other than detention so you basically won the fight.

♠️You and Deuce were not allowed to be in the same clasees and the school factually made sure that the two of you didn't run into eachother but since the two of you lived across from eachother glares were exchanged between the two of you but not fights happened after school. Luckily Deuce and his gang stopped picking on your friend after the situation and if they did start doing to again they know damn well you are not afraid to swing.

♠️To say the least you hold grudges. You didn't have a crush on him after the situation.

♠️Not the best first impression from your boyfriend not how you got with him though:/

♠️2004 White Rabbit Festival, You and your friends decided to attend I mean you guys have nothing better to do so might as well go and have fun right?

♠️You greeted Deela,Deuce's mom, at the White Rabbit Delivery booth when you got there despite her asshole son she's a very kind woman you can't believe such a delinquent came from her must've been from his dad's side

♠️You and your friends ran off to dick around other places in the park before deciding to head on over to the folk museum and inside you run into none other than Deuce Spade in full Rabbit get up something you hadn't seen since elementary school,with some people that were presumably friends of him also wearing rabbit themed outfits. It wasn't Deuce's usual delinquent friends you've gotten used to seeing it was a whole new group of friends probably friends he made while at Night Raven College. You noticed that he wasn't blond anymore and went back to his natural hair color of dark navy blue. Your friends all know you hold grudges so when their eyes landed on Deuce they immediately looked at you worried that hands were gonna be flown, their worry elevated when you moved past them and towards Deuce who still hasn't noticed you yet.

♠️What suprised them is that instead of you tackling him to the ground you placed a firm hand on Deuce's shoulder with a bright smile “Hey Deuce buddy it's been awhile!” catching Deuce's attention and his friends. Deuce seemed suprised by your friendliness towards him but replied politely. You were still pissed at him absolutely but you thought it'd be way funnier to mess with him by being overly nice than just side eye him. Which is why your two friend groups ended up spending the entire festival together.

♠️Deela seemed ecstatic that you and Deuce seemed to be getting along which made you feel bad since now that you two spent almost the entire festival together. he seemed pretty decent compared to his middle school years, he's grown and changed and he's trying to be a honors student that's weirdly sweet, you paid close attention to Deuce and paid little attention to Deela,Deuce's friends, or even your friends! You'd only pay attention to Deuce's friends and Deela whenever they'd mention Deuce's name and would genuinely defend him whenever Grim would make a joke at Deuce's expense which would make Deuce flustered and he'd reassure you that everything was fine…Everyone was exchanging knowing glances even Ortho, a robot who can't experience crushes, knew. You even helped Silver with his alarm clock why? Maybe Deuce was rubbing off on you. Your friends were annoyed that you guys were basically hanging out with strangers now but you insisted that it was just to mess with Deuce's head little bit and totally not because you enjoyed spending time with him and like getting to know him as a person

♠️Even though most people don't eat with someone they've had beef with since middle school or share stories from elementary school to his friends and mom that Deuce doesn't even remember and refuse to explain how you knew those things despite only interacting with him in middle school. Epel decided to help Deuce out and nudge him closer to you and try to get Deuce to let some compliments about you slip but Deuce either got confused or flushed which annoyed your friends and Deuce's who know there's some sort of romantic tension going on its just that you two were in denial and your friendgroups were frustrated.

♠️Then a group of delinquents kicked Deela's booth and a bet was placed.

♠️You remember standing next to Deela with your friendgroup being antsy since if Deuce and his friends won the race. the delinquents would have to apologize to Deela if they won or theyd gave to give the delinquents money. You were genuinely worried not for Deuce but for those delinquents! Cauldron Deuce is what they called him in middle school he took on 100 armed guys completely unarmed. Those delinquents don't realize who their messing with. Just as you thought Deuce and his friends managed to run out the maze and won and the delinquents were fearfully forced to apologize.

♠️The sun setting and you said bye to Deela,Your friends,Deuce's friends,and Deuce. You were about to leave until Deuce hugged you…Deuce realizing what he just did leapt off of you and apologized for hugging you….and punching you in 6th grade. He says that he had a crush on you since 3rd grade and that because he became a delinquent he had to fit the mold and that he's sorry and if you two could start over. You hand him your phone and tell him to add his number and ask him if he wants to go on a date some time.

♠️Thats how you got with your boyfriend Deuce

♠️You two would call frequently, mostly from your end since he'd forget due to school work or hanging out with friends. You let Deuce plan your first date over a phone call, You'd come onto his campus and you guys would watch movies together,it was something really simple for a first date!So you didn't dress up too much just a simple outfit.

♠️Deuce was waiting for you by the mirror in a just as casual outfit and the two of you got told what you can and can't do on campus before being allowed to leave the mirror chamber. You kept asking Deuce where he was taking you as the two of you got further and further away from the main building, there's no way they put the dorms this far away from the actual school building right?Your confusion only enhanced when you and Deuce ended up infront of this beat up looking mansion…When the two of you went inside you realize the inside was pretty well furnished didn't mean you weren't worried about falling through the wooden floor. Deuce seemed nervous as he showed you the DVD's you could pick to watch, most of which were Adam Sandler films, you made sure to let Deuce know this was a completely first date and that whatever movie would be nice.

♠️The two of you sat on the beat up black and white striped couch watching a Adam Sandler movie on the dusty old TV, you try to make small talk by commenting on the movie and making jokes but Deuce only laughed and kept his eyes glued forwards, Deuce has been really tense this entire date. Slinging your arm over his shoulders you tell Deuce to loosen up and that the date is going perfectly. Deuce is just blushing at you before nodding firmly and letting his muscles relax. Deuce is engaging with you more now and is opening up more!Who knew Adam Sandler movies were the key to a great date!The two of you are cuddled up together making fun of the characters and their choices as if he wasn't just nervous seconds ago! Nothing can mess this up!

♠️“Deuce what are you doing?” is what comes immediately after the front door creaked open showing Yuu and Grim two people you haven't seen in a hot second. Upon hearing the voice all the color in Deuce's face drained as his turned to look at Yuu and he immediately began to apologize profusely to Yuu leaving you,Grim, and Yuu in confusion in two different ways. You in the sense of “Why are they here?” And them in the “Why are you guys in our home?”. Deuce sensing the confusion from both of you explained that he thought Ramshackle would be the perfect place to hold for the date since compared to the other dorms there wasn't exactly alot of people in Ramshackle to interrupt or disturb your date….still got interrupted. Deuce apologized to all of you and said he understood if you didn't want to continue going out with him after this. You hugged him and just said “This was perfect. Let me pick the next date.”

♠️The second date was also a casual one, you picked a simple mall date, You waited for Deuce at the entrance of the mall for about ten minutes before he came rushing in panting his sweat leading through hisshirt, his hands on his pants trying to catch his breath, Turns out the mirror was further away from the mall than both of you thought and he ran all the way here so you didn't think he flaked on you. That's actually really sweet. For his effort you treated him to some Wendy's in the food court and he insisted on getting you ice cream for you.

♠️You had to initiate hand holding as you guys were walking since Deuce was too scared to hold yours first. When you grabbed his hand everything disappeared for him all his eyes could focus on was your two hands conjoined. He holds your hand a bit tighter as a light blush covers his face a sense of joy washes over him as he stares at the two hands holding eachother.

♠️This date helped the two of you get to know eachother better! When going into FYE the two of you made fun of eachother for the CD’s you guys bought and mocking eachother for the others taste in music sure Britney Spears might be basic but Nelly isn't any less basic Deuce. Deuce was suprised that you wanted to take to your dad's country club for the second date but settled for the mall I mean wouldn't that had been alot for a second date?He's grateful you picked mall.

♠️Deuce and you laughing your asses off in the Yankee Candle at the stupid ass candle names. Who tf wants a bacon candle?You and Deuce apparently because now you this have matching bacon candles.

♠️By the end of the date you walked him back to the mirror and have him a little kiss on the cheek if this was a cartoon his eyes would be hearts and he'd have a comically wobbly smile and you both agreed you'd take turns planning dates and the third date would be his job.

♠️You’re boyfriend is a loser<3

🐺Winter break in 03 visiting your stepmother's family…Kinda sucked when your merfolk visiting a cold place during the coldest time of the year.

🐺Your stepmom practically begged your dad to visit her family during winter break, you and your dad were pretty okay with the idea having visited the place before during the summer, neither of you were ready for how cold it was during winter

🐺It was almost comical how bundled up you and your dad were compared to your stepmother. Sure she was dressed warmly but you and your dad looked like cartoons with the amount of layers you two had on. Sure it was still cold even in the summer but it was more a sweater and windbreaker cold not wearing two winter coats and five sweaters cold!

🐺The moment you guys stepped inside the ski lodge your step family owned you and your dad rushed to the fire place getting a good laugh from the family of deer beastmen.

🐺While you were unpacking in the room that your step family gave you one of them walked into the room and told you since you were family if you wanted to during winter break you could work at the family ski lodge.

🐺The only reason you agreed was because you were broke.

🐺That's how you ended up at the front desk with a gold yellow name tag pinned onto your red work vest.

🐺A older member of the family helped you with the ropes and stayed with you at the front desk the whole day to make sure you got the hang of things. It was pretty simple all you did was check people in, hand them their room key, sell tickets,and answering people questions. It did help that the older member of the family did take care of the more bitchy guests though.

🐺Not the most fun way to spend your winter break but it's better than being broke….and being chased by dolphins…..

🐺Whenever you could you pull out your phone and just mess around by letting your friends know what's up but the older family memeber eventually took your phone away. You would've put up a fight if there wasn't a chance that a guest could walk in at any moment.

🐺While your parents were doing God knows what you were putting on a fake cheery attitude towards every person that would walk towards the desk. Soon you finally got your break.

🐺Instead of doing what people usually do when they get a break, you grabbed a snack, set a timer, and practically booked it to your room to get any amount of sleep at all.

🐺A dream about a fish willingly being eaten by a wolf…Not the weirdest dream you've had.

🐺But that dream was cut short by the alarm piercing your ears letting you know that those 30 minutes of nap time was over!

🐺You rushed out of your room to make it to the desk in time and you made it on time!You just ended up running directly into a guest….

🐺Your older step family member just watched wide eyed as you and the guest you ran into collide eachother, with you being the only one to fall on the ground due to the person you ran into being way more built.

🐺You profusely apologized for ramming into the person before even looking at their face…A wolf beastmen around your age with beautiful brown skin and yellow eyes…

🐺Stop being down bad you're on the job.

🐺He was silent, almost stunned, just silently nodding his head as a way to say he acepted your apology

🐺You insisted on checking in the boy and his family and they agreed just laughing off your little run in with their oldest son though during the check in process you could feel your older step family member practically burning holes into the side of your head. You were gonna get a earful later this for sure.

🐺When the family of five walked off with their room key to the elevator you swear you could've sworn that guests tail wagging.

🐺And that's how you met your boyfriend

🐺Not how you ended up with him though…

🐺You've noticed that this guest after that incident would always stay a little longer than necessary in the lobby before heading out with his little sister and little brother.

🐺Hell you've even noticed his parents glance at you before giggling between themselves. Like damn you bumped into a guy once and his parents already are taking about you.

🐺Though you learned why when one day during a mini conversation you were having with a step family member/co-worker when a little girls voice shouted “Jack that's the worker you have a crush on right?” causing both you and family member to turn your heads and seeing the little beastmen girl, covered in snow from just having came inside, pointing her finger at you with her older brother laughing and the guy you bumped into ‘Jack’ looking frozen.

🐺Jack grabbed both his siblings hands and dragged both of his siblings to the elevator with his head down low and disappeared with shame before you could even crack a smile from this.

🐺He's cute. Why not lean into the whole crush thing?

🐺You tried to ask your friends in the sea on LiveJournal to ask what you should do but they were less than useful with suggesting things that most definitely wouldn't pass on land. Looks like you were on your own.

🐺He practically avoided you after this, you only know this because family members would tell you that he'd go through the lobby only when he knew he could avoid you, like when you weren't on your shift or that you were on your on break. He was just so embarrassed.

🐺Now being staff you couldn't exactly just walk up to him and start talking, you hypothetically could but like it'd just come off as being strange ya know? and it'd look pretty creepy if a staff member on ff their shift just walked up to you despite not knowing who they are plus whenever you were off your shift your stepmom and dad would want to spend time with you

🐺You had to wait for him to approach you but you knew that wasn't going to happen.

🐺The ski lodge stayed open during new years eve for a new year's party luckily for you they decided to give you the day off so that you could enjoy the party

🐺You spent your time in the lobby, filled with people entering and leaving, standing around talking to eachother, etc. Sitting by yourself on the couch near the fireplace was probably the best place to be right now.

🐺No wonder why in the confusion of the hustle and bustle that Jack accidentally found himself sitting right next to you.

🐺You were surprised that he sat near you so you tapped his shoulder to catch his attention when he turned his head to look at you his ears immediately went up into the air in alert. He didn't even notice that he sat next to you. That makes more sense.

🐺You kept the conversation light failing to mention how his little sister outed him and you actually get him to ease up to where the two of you were having a actual conversation with one another learning about eachother, he was suprised to find out you were merfolk you were suprised to find out he had magic, just two people getting to know eachother.

🐺It progressively got closer to the new year the longer you two kept talking.

🐺 "I promised I'd catch up to my family for when the clock hits twelve. I'm sorry.” Jack explained before standing up about to leave until you grab his hand and kiss the back of it.

🐺“How about a date next year?”

🐺And that's how you got your boyfriend yes jack made it back to his family in time

🐺Jack has a strict schedule so you know the exact time he texts you and are ready for the “I love you” text

🐺Jack does worry everytime you mention a run in with a whale or the such but you assure him that if you made it this far that he has no need to worry for you

🐺He always found it surreal whenever he'd vieit you under the sea using a potion and seeing how different life as merfolk is compared to life on land your stepmother assured him he'd get used to it, you took him out to a local restaurant to let him try merfolk cuisine! He mainly ate the fruit and you were both fascinated by eachother when you saw how the other ate. Jack had to explain that fruit on land is meant to be eaten without the peel…you've been eating land fruit the wrong way-

🐺Whenever Jack gets the chance he'll let you know just how much he loves your merfolk form not just verbally but by playing with your hair and caressing your skin

🐺Formally meeting his little siblings when he took you to his place, you gave his little sister a thank you for introducing the two of you making Jack flustered and he practically pushed you up to his room out of embarrassment, the embarrassment didn't end when his dad told him to leave the door to his room open. You two just rented movies from Blockbuster to watch in his room nothing happened😭

🐺When you visited him at his dorm his dormmates were surprised by this being the way they find out Jack is dating someone

🐺Word got out fast and suddenly you had a bunch of his friends and track teammates reaching out to you.

🐺Jack is not living this down.

🐺The picnic on the beach where you and Jack brought foods from your respective cultures. He set the blanket on the shoreline where he sat on the blanket with his food and your lower body still being in the water as you place your food on the blanket is the best date you've ever had with him.

🐺You two were there until sunset where you both had to leave and kissed goodbye.

🐺You love this dork.

🍎Imagine being a city kid. Too bad you don't have to imagine it because you are a city kid. Every weekend your mom sent you to stay with your grandpa's in Harvenston while she relaxed, this isn't a arrangement you're exactly mad about I mean not only because it's more quiet compared to the city but also you've been doing this childhood, you understood that since your mom had you during college and that she was single mom that she didn't have her shit together and still doesn't so at a young age you knew your family situation

🍎You're mom never really liked leaving you with grandpa but she doesn't trust strangers watching over you, something about him being misogynistic, something you didn't really get growing up but now completely understand looking back on it, He'd never let you outside the house and always grumble about sluts on the streets….Grandpa there's only elderly people in this town. What sluts?Ms.Smith?😀.

🍎To say the least you understood your mom's choice to not interact with grandpa much and you followed suit too when you were finally old enough to take care of yourself and didn't need your grandpa watching over you, you cut him off not wanting to hear…his thoughts on things, hell you take care of your baby brother on the weekends so mom can rest even just for Saturday. The call about your grandpa's death was conflicting to say the least, for both you and your mom, your mom was sobbing hysterically on the kitchen floor when she got the initial call you didn't find out why she was sobbing until the day after, you felt sad when you found out sure your grandpa hated your mom for her life choices for her moving to the city, for her getting pregnant before marriage, for her dropping out to raise you,etc. but he played a significant part of your childhood that you felt sad, you didn't cry but you felt sad. You took your baby brother with you to pick up his ashes mom probably isn't ready to go back to her childhood home but you are.

🍎You marched up the path that led up to Harvenston with your baby brother in the back carrier and a bag of baby supplies just in case in your right hand. You had a few of the elderly people in town stop and stare at you and a few of them stopped you to ask “Are you [———] ‘s child?” where they would tell you stories about your mom when she was younger growing up in Harvenston and ask about her…it'd also end with a “Sorry for your loss.” no matter who you were talking to

🍎You walked past your grandpa's old house and just stood there for awhile. It was strange not seeing him smoking a cigar on the porch swing. A singular tear ran down your cheek. You sighed and kept walking to the next house that made the call to your mother.

🍎You hesitate before knocking on the door to which a elderly woman opens the door and seems suprised to see you before her suprise disappears and is replaced with by a smile that warms you despite all the snow. She hands you a grey urn with a rose gold apple blossom on the lid. She invites you inside to which you delay your response before stepping in, You sit down on her couch and place the urn on the coffee table so you could take the opportunity to give your baby brother a bottle of milk while the old woman you learned was Ms.Felmier went to make to make tea, as you fed your baby brother almost one after another a new person walked into the living room. Two women and two men around your moms age sit in the living room and repeat questions you've already been asked. Yes, I'm [——-]’s child. No, I didn't grow up like my mom I'm not a teen parent. Yes, My mom is waiting at home. Turns out these four went to school with your mom and just wanted to know how their friend has been since she left for the city, huh sorry for assuming you're all just nosey pricks, Ms.Felmier finally walks in with the tea for you and takes your baby brother so that you can drink your tea. Turns out it was one of men that found out about your grandpa's death, when he went to check on the old man since he hadn't opened his flower shop for the day like usual he was worried about the wretched stench that came from your grandpa's home and he looked through his bedroom window and…

🍎That's why he's ashes now. Your tea was finished and you put your brother in the baby carrier before picking up the urn ready to leave. But one of the woman insisted that she have her son walk you back to the mirror you said no but she persisted until you relented to letting her son walk you to which she called him down from upstairs. You waited at the door before a boy with purple hair emerged in your line of sight to which he blinked at you before smirking

🍎“Why hello” oh this'll just be soooo fun of a walk back.

🍎And that's how you met your boyfriend.

🍎Not how you got with him though he was a misogynistic shit when you first met him.

🍎When your mom finally built the courage, you and your mom finally went to Grandpa’s house to collect his things and empty the house the Felmier family helped you guys especially when it got too much for your mom and she had to sit outside. Epel and Epel's mom, dad, aunt, uncle,and cousin helped you take alot of the things out of the house while his grandma and great grandma sat on the porch swing and would comfort your mom whenever she had to walk out crying. Epel during this always stayed firm on being near you, you asked him about this and he said he was the only kid in Harvenston so he's never interacted with someone his own age to which you tell him that you practically grew up in Harvenston just that your grandpa kept you locked up. He was suprised by this since apparently your grandpa never came off like that and that you two could've been friends.

🍎Over the days of clearing out the house you and Epel actually spoke alot and you congratulated him for getting into Night Raven College and dropped the news that you were also going to a magic academy too! Yeah…you didn't tell him you even had magic. Oops.

🍎The two of you exchanged a few spells when you weren't carrying your grandpa's bed, that he died in, out the house. Epel hesitantly asked how you felt and you just shrugged as if your eyes weren't watering from having to carry the bed that you slept in with your grandpa whenever you were scared of lightening. Epel told you not to cry or else your grandpa would haunt your ass which gave you a good chuckle. Because he's right, your grandpa would be fucking mocking you right now for crying.

🍎After the house was left bare and empty Epel gave you his phone number with a cheeky smile, you let him know that you don't have your own phone but you will call him over your home phone, he was a nice guy when he wasn't being fucking annoying, Not a guy you'd date or anything.

🍎When you had to go to your new school your mom made sure to give you your first phone! It wasn't the most fancy but it worked and it was fun whenever it flipped open so you weren't mad. You kept in touch with Epel giving him occasional calls and messages throughout the school year just to check in and him checking in on you due to your whole grandpa dying thing but then Song Dance Championship.

🍎A dance group from your school participated in the event so you got to attend! Never did you think you'd see Epel doing half moves he did on stage with his whole toxic masculinity shit. You're glad to see that he improved on that front, you might actually consider being friends with him after this, still though when you caught up to him after his performance you let it be known that you weren't gonna let him live down his toxic alpha male mindset to dancing prettily on stage transformation.

🍎Being the sly bastard that he is he said “You make fun of me or give me reward for the change in behavior you oh so complained about.” he said to be cheeky but he didn't actually expect you to kiss him on the lips and wave at him while walking away from doing a hand gesture to say ‘call me’ as a way to wipe that smug look off his face

🍎He was left red in the face watching you walk off, the sound of his friends hollering behind him fading away in the background

🍎Thats how you got your boyfriend?Lame corny🙄

🍎On his blastcycle late at night for the first date, half awake, just driving around with no destination in mind. Everything looked better under the moonlight, Epel looked better, the blastcycle looked better, the streetlights were brighter, the streets looked better, you looked better. The two of you shared a kiss after the date, this is a sweet high school romance you like.

🍎Getting a shitty movie from the bottom of the Walmart clearance bin, heading back to your dorm sitting under a pillow fort while eating some pizza your dorm mates made for you two,You kicked all them out of the living room letting them know that yeah they helped but please he doesn't need to know,As if your doormates weren't secretly watching the date happen and clowned on you afterwards.

🍎While messaging you found out that Epel never planned to have you visit his dorm since his vice housewarden would watch you guys and his housewarden is very nitpicky. Weird.

🍎You didn't get to go to his dorm but he did let you go over to his school to watch him during his spelldrive practice. Alot of his clubmates surrounded you with questions but Epel pushed them out of way and held your hand with a firm grip as he dragged you out annoyed. You made your way into school kitchen and sat down on the floor backs to the fridge while waiting for the brownies you guys made to finished baking in the oven while holding hands.

🍎Note to self. Don't take Epel bowling he will get competitive but hey it's fun to watch Epel grind his teeth together whenever he got pissed especially when he'd look at you and try to look a good this.

🍎The two of you chilling in your room showing eachother the spells you guys learned while at your two separate schools!The two of you were so hyped when you him showed your unique magic that the two of you celebrated; You two fell asleep in eachothers arms that night all cuddled up though when you woke up he was gone, he left a sticky note on your nightstand letting you know why “Vil will beat my ass if he finds out I snuck out to visit you,I'll call you in the morning!” And your flip phone started ringing

🍎Playing poker with him in his empty school cafeteria, trying to ignore his friends peaking into the cafeteria giving him thumbs-up, you found it more funny than anything but he seemed embarrassed, his embarrassment heightened when you turn towards his friends and wave at them letting them know you know their watching.

🍎Walking on the beach during a festival towards the end of the school year in May while holding chili fries he bought the two of you. The two you just talked and talked…You guys went to the beach at 4pm and are there at 11pm. Vil had spam called Epel but his flip phone was discarded on your beach towel and the ringing drowned out at the two of you splashing eachother.

🍎A nice little wholesome high school romance.

⚡️Summer of 04. The best and worst summer you've ever had.

⚡️Getting kicked out of your grandparents for coming home late house during spring fucking sucked. Towards the end of the freshmen year too?Yikes.

⚡️You thought it was just a temporary thing and they were just threatening this like usual and won't actually do anything but turns out your grandparents were genuinely actually kicking you out and selling all your stuff for a hot tub!

⚡️You managed to gather some of your things before staying at your friends house,then another friends, then another…..

⚡️Your friends would let you use their shower and give you food but that arrangement would usually only last for two days at minimum and a week at max before their parents would want you out the house

⚡️You couldn't get a real job due to the whole no stable home thing so whenever you needed money you'd just babysit,dogwalk,or mow lawns for a quick buck to buy yourself some things for basic survival

⚡️A solid few months of you couch surfing has passed and when you went to a friend's place to crash the night without alerting them before hand which is how you accidentally came across a party.

⚡️Your friend agreed to let you stay the night and let you put your bag of things in their attic where you'd be sleeping since the basement was filled with people,the living room is too crowded, and god forbid whatever is going on in the locked bedrooms.

⚡️So there you are leaning against the kitchen counter with a juice in your red cup, just soaking in the summer party energy going on but not participating in any of the dancing, the gossip, the smoking,the sex, or the drinking. You came to freeload off your friend not all this shit but when in Rome do what the Roman's do.

⚡️Get Busy blasting from the speakers, the disco ball bouncing light off of it, glitter that you know you'll still be finding on you months from now, confetti on the wet ground that's soaked in spilled drinks, water dragged inside from the pool, teenage tears, blood from a fight that took place before you got here, and only God knows what else is on the ground.

⚡️Weed,Cigarette smoke,Pizza,Candy,Beer,Sweat,Perfume,Cheap colone,chlorine, and popcorn. Those are the smells that attack your nostrils. A weird mixture of smells.

⚡️You were so tuned out of the party and your surroundings that you didn't notice a green haired boy your age stiffly march to your side and stand there with a firm grip on his red cup of…water.

⚡️You didn't notice the guy till he loudly said “Human!” to get your attention, which worked, and asked if you knew anything about Briar Valley with a smug look. He then proceeded to explain the entire history of Briar Valley to you. This is the weirdest way a guy has hit on you.

⚡️After he finished his mini history lesson he just stared at you before “Is this what flirting is?” Getting a good laugh from you actually being interested to see where the conversation between you and this guy will go with such a opener

⚡️You and this Sebek guy spoke exchanging your own personal history, nothing too personal that it'd make the other uncomfortable but open enough that you too could get closer, you did fail to mention to him though your living situation. He seemed really proud of his half fae-half human orgins!

⚡️His friends stood stunned that holy shit his history lesson actually pulled you

⚡️He flat out told you that he was dragged here against his will by his friends Ace and Epel and that he hated every second of the party but he knew he had to court you at first sight. Now this is the flirting you were used to!Not the whole courting thing most guys are more vulgar with it but close enough.

⚡️This is how you met him. Not how you got with him though.

⚡️You two have started writing letters nightly since Briar Valley doesn't really have phones or computers. He did question you about why your address would change on each letter but you just told you move around alot which isn't technically wrong.

⚡️You did receive a letter from… his mom!? She was happy for her son and told you she will hide your body if you break her son's heart. That letter was followed by one from Sebek telling you that his mom won't actually murder you

⚡️You flew on your broom to head over to Briar Valley to see Sebek and he was shocked to find out you had magic but he was upset you came to see him. He's supposed to he courting you know not the other way around! You just let him know that every relationship needs effort on both ends.

⚡️He taught you how to sword fight in his backyard and he did not hold back giving you a proper lesson in sword fighting that resulted with you on the grass with the tip of his sword at your chest and him on one knee and using his right hand on the back of your neck holding you up from falling on the ground. He dropped the sword on the ground blade first when you cupped his face and kissed him.

⚡️You ended up staying with him and his family for dinner and participate with his mom,dad,Sebek, and his older siblings with making preparing dinner. During dinner his parents and his siblings had all their focus on you and your relationship with Sebek confidentially answering for you, you didn't like that he was speaking for you instead of just letting you speak but the firm hold he had on your hand under the table tells you that he was just as nervous as you were.

⚡️His parents allowed you to stay over for the night. You and Sebek spoke back and forth about who got to sleep on his bed. He didn't want to hear you insisting on sleeping on the floor so he just picked you up, threw on his bed, and tucked you in with a goodnight kiss…You have to ignore the photo of Malleus Draconia on the foot of his bed to enjoy this moment

⚡️Waking up before the sun is up tired and barely alive, groggly dragging yourself downstairs and getting yourself a cup of water, once finishing your nice cool drink you waddled back up to Sebek’s. In your tired state you just stared at the sleeping Sebek on the floor with pillows and blankets snoring away and in your sleepy head you ended up laying down next to your not-really-boyfriend on the floor instead of sleeping on the bed that he demanded you slept in.

⚡️When he woke up to see your face next to his he lept back startled at the sight, immediately waking him up, but seeing your face next to him sound asleep with the sunlight peeking through the curtains hitting your facial features warmed his heart to see.

⚡️ “What are we?”

⚡️Your relationship with Sebek is….

⚡️With the fact that Sebek was a second year at night raven college meant that you couldn't spend too much time together but he still made sure to setup as many dates as possible with you, not like you had anything better to do, you got no job,no home,and definitely no education.

⚡️Being allowed onto his school campus and him teaching you how to ride a horse, he even introduced you to his horse Goldie, it was a fun yet messy date. Did you and Sebek get covered in mud?Yes. Did the two of you wash the mud out of eachothers hair?Also yes.

⚡️And even when he couldn't set up a date be it for school or knight duties he'd always sends you roses, well send them to your friends place since he still wasn't aware of your living situation.

⚡️He only found out when he wanted to suprise visit you and stood outside your friends house only to be told by your friend that you didn't live there. When he approached you about it and you told him the truth about being homeless and your grandparents he was determined to help you even if he didn't tell you.

⚡️While the two of you were slow dancing in a field with eachother you had no idea that he was sending letters to your older cousin to make arrangements for you stay with her

⚡️So imagine the shock you had when you took off the blindfold Sebek put on you for you to see a room with a bed and your cousin holding a sign saying “Welcome”

⚡️That night instead of going back to school Sebek spent the night with you and instead of sleeping on the floor you both slept in your new bed in eachothers arms

⚡️The warmth, the comfort, you could rest like this forever. Sebek loved having his face in your neck, inhaling your scent, being able to give you intimate kisses, being able to wake up in the arms of your lover.

⚡️You weren't sure if you were wanted to keep your relationship a open ended question anymore. After all this, after all he did for you, you knew what you two were. You two were dating

⚡️Your relationship with Sebek is dating.

I'll probably post my BSD x DDLC au here too since I need that out of my notes too

[jennay]

Last Night

Part 1

Masterlist

Noah Sebastian x Reader

If I missed any tags or you want to be added to the list let me know!

Tags: @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @missduffsblog @thisbicc @yeehaw-my-guys @thescarlettvvitch @vinyardmauro @cheyyyyr @clubfairy @xxkittenkissesxx @lh3 @dominuslunae @myownthoughts12 @cookiesupplier @somewhere-diamond @bloody-delusion-expert @glitterydeputyshepherdwagon @aprosiacperson @skulliecadaver-blog @bangchan-ed @hey-diddly-ho-neighborino @itsafullmoon

You leaned against your kitchen counter, staring out the kitchen window, watching as the leaves continued to fall from each branch on this peaceful autumn morning. You sipped your coffee, letting the liquid warm your chest and stomach.

You landed in Oregon three years ago and were just now becoming accustomed to the weird weather changes. You'd be lying if you said you didn't miss the California sun but had to go; you couldn't stay there. No matter how often you tell yourself you can move to a different part of the state, your heart will never be happy knowing your past is that close.

Reflecting on things, they seemed like a mixed bag of sweet and sour. It's all about the could-haves and the lessons you learn the hard way, with a bunch of 'what ifs' buzzing in your head.

You remember being on your grandma's porch, flipping through those old photo albums. Those moments are frozen in time, safe behind that shiny plastic. Every time you look at those pictures, you get this pang of nostalgia, wishing you could return to those carefree, pure days. It's like this little ache in your heart that knows you can't rewind the clock; you could never go back.

"You know, you can't go back and change the past, but you've got the pen when it comes to your future. Take what you've learned, keep moving forward, and make the best of right now—that's fine," she told you. "You've got this; you're a smart cookie."

You exhale heavily, setting down your coffee mug with a clink. There's this hollow feeling in your gut, and man, you wish she was here to talk to. You could use a dose of her wisdom right about now. Life's not bad, honestly. You have a decent job and a cool apartment you share with your best bud. It's not like you've got significant stuff to gripe about. But there's this gap, you know? And deep down, you know it's about love. You've built these walls so high that no one's getting over them to hurt you again. No way.

So you've been playing the field, treating hearts like they're just another game. But it's not just a game anymore, is it? It started as a laugh, something you thought you could switch off whenever. But time's a sneaky thief; before you know it, you're looking at someone pretty damaged in the mirror.

And these games?

They've turned into habits, the kind of habits you don't shake off, the kind that people go to therapy for...the kind that your grandma warned you about.

The sound of vibration on the counter drags you from your thoughts, and you glance to the side, seeing your phone light up with Jolly's face plastered on the screen and the name Jolly Green Giant above it. You let out a small laugh every time he calls. The picture...the name. It's suitable for him.

You press the phone to your ear and tap the answer button, a reflexive smile spreading across your face. "Hey there, sunshine!" you greet with genuine warmth.

"Wow, you picked up!" Jolly's voice comes through, his accent coloring every word like an artist's brush on canvas.

"Caught me at a good time," you reply, leaning back against the kitchen counter. Your mind's eye paints a vivid picture of Jolly's familiar expressions. What's going on?" you inquire, keeping the tone light.

He takes a slight pause, the kind that signals something's coming. "So, we're here, in town, for that show tomorrow, remember? The one I've been talking about?" He sounds hopeful, as if willing to remember.

A nod, though he can't see it, and a whispered curse. "Shit. It slipped my mind."

He laughs, the sound teasing yet affectionate. "I should've bet on it, but hey, how about we make up for it? I'm free in an hour—how about you?"

A chuckle escapes you, the situation all too familiar. "Let me guess, time for our annual 'what's new and crazy' session?" You play along. "Just downed a coffee, but when have I ever said no to more caffeine?"

His laughter rings clear, a sound that's always been a prelude to good times. "Thought you'd say that. But let's switch it up and grab some lunch. I'm starving, and I bet you skipped breakfast again, didn't you?"

You laugh, "Yeah, I'm ready for lunch. Send me the address of where you want to meet."

"See you soon."

Your smile widens as you approach the restaurant, and you spot Jolly through the glass. He's engrossed in the menu, a picture of patience as he waits for you.

Anticipation bubbles within you, mixed with a flutter of nerves. You know it will be like old times, and he'll have many stories to tell you, but there won't be an awkward moment.

Pushing open the door, you walk over to the booth, his back to you. Stealthily, you slide up beside him, hovering until his gaze locks yours. His smile bursts, a warmth flooding his body—part of him had the sneaky suspicion you might duck out, but here you are.

He shuffles to make space, a silent invitation to join him. Then, in a move as natural as breathing, he pulls you into a bear hug, his head cradled against yours. "You made it!" he exclaims, his voice a mix of joy and disbelief.

Your laughter combines with his, and the embrace feels warm and safe. "You thought I'd miss this? Not for the world," you assure him, the ease of your friendship wrapping around you like the coziest blanket. "You look amazing." As you pull away and observe him, you say, "How do you never age?"

He shrugs you off and slides a menu in front of you.

"I think you're blind."

You laugh giggling as you order your food. You stand up. "I need to pee."

"Thank you for that." Jolly teases.

The fluorescent lights flicker overhead as you leave the bathroom, casting a sterile glow on the floor. The bathroom was supposed to be a brief escape from the diner's noise, a momentary pause from the laughter and clinking dishes.

But now, as you walk back to your seat, your heart clenches. He is bathed in the cold blue light of his phone screen, his face illuminated by a FaceTime call.

And then, the voice on the other end of the line—a voice you recognize all too well—cuts through.

His laughter dances in the air, a cruel melody that grates against your raw nerves.

"Who are you with?" The words hang in the air like a blade, slicing through the fragile bubble of denial you've carefully constructed.

You sit down, and your legs are suddenly weak.

Jolly turns the phone toward you, and there it is—the face you've been avoiding, the face that haunts your dreams. Noah. His eyes, once warm and familiar, now hold a storm of emotions: regret, longing, and something darker, something you can't quite name.

Your eyes blur with unshed tears. Why does it hurt so much? You thought you'd moved on, stitched up the wounds he left behind. But seeing him again, hearing his voice—it's as if the scars have split open, bleeding again.

"Fuck," you whisper, the word a prayer and a curse.

Jolly's oblivious, still laughing, unaware of the raging within you. You tear your gaze away from the screen, focusing on the flickering candle at your table.

You won't let this unravel you, not today. Not when you've worked so hard to rebuild the fragile scaffolding of your heart.

You stand up, pushing your chair in with a force that startles the people near by. The room blurs around you as you make your way to the exit. Memories flood your mind—the stolen kisses, the whispered promises, the nights tangled in each other's arms. But alongside the sweetness, there's bitterness—the lies, the betrayal, the shattered trust.

And Jolly, your supposed friend, the one who knew your pain intimately, who witnessed your tears and held your hand through sleepless nights—why would he put you in this position? Why would he expose you to the hurricane of Noah's presence?

Outside, the air is cool against your flushed cheeks. You take a deep breath, tasting salt and regret. The sky above seem distant, indifferent. You wrap your arms around yourself, a feeble attempt to hold the pieces together. But the ache remains a phantom limb that refuses to fade.

You walk away, leaving behind laughter and Facetime calls, leaving behind Jolly and Noah. The door closes softly behind you, muffling the sounds of the music and chatter. And as you step into the gloomy cold air, you wonder if healing is a myth, if love is a beautiful lie, and if betrayal is the only truth that matters.

[panelshowsource]

my IMMEDIATE thought is judi love, right?? her and roisin 1000% not even one show each, A SHOW WITH THEM TOGETHER 😍 and it's called JUDI & ROISIN'S DOUBLE DATES 😍

hahahaha absolutely! do you remember the stationary shop / pun guessing task that tim vine did on taskmaster s6? i always thought victoria would have enjoyed every single thing about that, just my intuition...

hahahaha this is so cute! they got married not to terribly long ago, so no worries. don't you love how sweetly they speak about each other 🥹 you know, when i saw richard at his last book signing in new york, he told a quick story about how ingrid had recently written for a doctor who publication and that she is super engrossed in & proud of the doctor who world 🥹🥹🥹 (made me so happy!!! bc i'm also a massive dw fan (i make those gifs on my main!) 🥹)

this is my modest richard and ingrid tag 🥹 i hope to flesh it out even more over time hehe

yes i've been listening to these!! they keep teasing a nish kumar one coming up that is supposed to be very special in some way?

anyways the richard osman one was very sweet because there was tons of kitten talk (LOVE) and you can tell how much richard adores david — which means he had a lot of fun teasing him hahaha that's what makes richard such a good podcast guest: he's such a comedy fan!

also enjoyed the eps with ivo and sam campbell, and i'm gonna listen to at least ed gamble, rose matafeo, and amy gledhill this weekend!

are you guys liking it??

i've def seen it (i saw the comedy blogs advertising the pilot) but i'm gonna be sooo honest and say i haven't had time to give it a listen yet TT have you?? i'm obsessed with both of them and will DEF listen to it this week! i'll post my thoughts :)

honestly, i think there are more comedy writers and comedy actors than proper comedians that i would like to read bios of. simon pegg comes to mind first! i also think it would be fascinating to read a kind of day-by-day journal of a proper circuit comedian, someone who could humorously and truthfully document the lifestyle. did you have someone in mind who hasn't written one?

as for books that are already published, i really want to read bonkers by jen saunders as well as richard e grant's semi-new autobiography (i'm worried it's going to be exceptionally sad since he'll always be dealing with the passing of his wife and he's very open about grief 🥺), so hopefully i get around to those before too long!

i haven't, tbh i never watched miranda, not going out, or even call the midwife — so even though i've obviouslyyy seen her around, sometimes on panel shows, and absolutely acknowledge how big she was/is, i don't carry enough nostalgia to read her whole bio. THAT SAID, i agree she was so so touching on graham norton and i think her stories both about her health and about finding love were SO LOVELY 💜 but if you tell me it's a must read then i'll definitely check it out!

and for anyone who's interested i added the audiobook to my drive :)

okay this scared me HAHAHA because as much as that is obviously not true if one uses a single modicum of common sense i am so easily fooled—

anyways it was a sweet episode! i don't really listen to that show but i was hoping to hear more about joe's particular approach to parenting, and even though he is clearly very private it was endearing. i love how much he loves birmingham (as someone who doesn't really have a hometown it's something i'm always fascinated by and envious of in others), and he really put his foot down about his sexuality! he was like "bi is bi, pan is pan, it's on you if you wanted to call me gay anyways" and PERIOD KING !! anyways, super happy for him. i have a feeling he won't post very much about it or even talk much about it in general, but i selfishly hope he does 🥹

it was a cute episode!! highlights for me include rob being extremely new to the concept of kimchi, rob claiming he doesn't understand why people care so much about seasoning (my fellow americans, have fun with that one), and rob roasting steve coogan lmaooo also i never get sick of the alan bennett impression i love how it's almost tom courtenay it's hilarious to me

i've loved a lot of the recent eps, especially the ones with matthew macfadyen and richard e grant (funniest man alive)! and i watched the gordon ramsay episode like 5 times, it was sooo interesting and soooooo sweet to hear about his relationship with angela!

one thing i really like about this show — besides how awesome angela is — is that nick asks the genuine questions someone who isn't big into cooking would ask. like, when they were eating the rib eye, he was like, "if someone wanted to make this at home, what would they ask the butcher for? is this a specific cut of meat?" and even though it's like 'lol yeah nick...rib eye...' people who aren't familiar with cooking beef wouldn't have known that! he asks about cuts, measurements, cooking times, that sort of thing in a way that feels genuine and curious, which i appreciate (as someone who doesn't cook a lot lmao)

for sure!

hello anon! these are always posted on reddit every single night that they air, i recommend sending a polite "hello would you kindly add me to the sub?" message (you don't need to get fancier or more specific than that; they have to keep the sub private for obvious reasons so no need to feel intimidated) to r/TV_NCA so you can snag those links each week

sure anon i'll work on that for you this weekend xx

—

PANEL SHOW WATCH LINKS / NON-PANEL SHOW WATCH LINKS FAQ / ASK

[1mlostnow]

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 27th of July, is this young man's birthday. Though it was years ago he was given life, it is only today that he will be given a name.

What will the name of this young man be?

•

•

•

🐸 The Basics :

Name : Evan

Pronouns : He/Him

Age : A minor!!

Gender : Male

Sexuality : Gay

Nationality : American

Star Sign : Leo

MBTI : INTJ-T

I love nicknames, call me whatever.

I’m usually around from 8AM to 1AM CDT.

Music sideblog : @evan-radio

🐛 My Resume :

Loser CEO, the ‘weird kid’ since birth, Professional Ghostbuster, Supervillian, and Midwestern Cowboy (the fun way, not the cop way), Lab Experiment #0727

🪲 My Music :

AJJ, boygenius, Bug Hunter, Cage The Elephant, Car Seat Headrest, Crywank, Lemon Demon, Lord Huron, Los Campesinos!, MCR, Noah Kahan, ODO, Pat The Bunny, Radiohead, Rex Orange County, Seb Lowe, Sleep Token, Tally Hall, Tame Impala, Teen Suicide, TFB, The Smiths, Vundabar, Weezer :/, Will Wood/WWATT, Wingnut Dishwashers Union, and more.

🐢 Tags :

# evan speaks -> I talk. A lot. // # evan rants -> I tend to be very emotional // # evan’s memories -> nostalgia mode // # evan can’t vote -> US politics // # evan draws -> my art // # EvanRadio -> my sideblog for music // # i love my mutuals -> typically multiple mutual appreciation posts per day

🐍 Rules & Boundaries :

I’m a minor!! Don’t be weird!!

Obviously, any form of discrimination is off limits.

Cringe culture is dead, all are welcome, and I’m always open to learning.

Asks and anons are open, notifs are off so feel free to spam, but I can’t promise I’ll see it right away. Absolutely feel free to interact and ask, I will have full convos w/ you through reblogs. I answer DMs on a case-by-case basis. If you are over 18, please do not DM me.

🦎 Fandoms and characters ->

★ Dead Poets Society

★ House MD

★ Supernatural

★ Sherlock

★ Ghostbusters

★ Homestuck

🦖 Incoming fandoms ->

★ Hannibal, Good Omens, Saw

🐊 Backseat Fandoms ->

★ IT, Stranger Things, Over The Garden Wall, Scooby-Doo

🦚 Fandom Graveyard ->

★ Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Creepypasta

🦜 Kinnies ->

★ Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock)

★ Egon Spengler (Ghostbusters)

★ Castiel (Supernatural)

★ Steven Meeks (Dead Poets Society)

★ Richie Tozier (IT 2017)

★ Rory Keaner (My Babysitter’s A Vampire)

🪛 Other Movies :

The Truman Show, Stand By Me, Velvet Goldmine, Jaws, The Goonies, Breakfast Club

🐉 Other Interests :

Reading, writing, art (drawing, painting, digital and traditional), etymology, science, history, math, forensics, biology, marching band (alto sax), sharks

🔋 Other Facts :

- I love my car like it’s my child #TOMATER SUPREMACY 🦚

- Richard Cameron Defender for life (see here)🐊

- Blog theme changes frequently 🦖

- i LOVE doing little doodles and drawings of my friends 🐢

- I love my mutuals and you guys are my best friends btw 🐍

- More mouse bites!! This vexes me! Medicine drug!! 🦎

- ADHD 🪲

- I’ve got a bad habit of viewing notifications but never responding to them, if this happens please just tag me again ���

🦠 A Note :

I am very indecisive and this post will be edited very often (see counter below)

🧪 Dead Poets Society :

@pingunaa @ghostboyhood @wordssricochet @meekspeaks @poetsinnyc @wilsons-three-legged-siamese @midwest-quill @apparitiongnostic @de4d-poet-kisser @yourfavvgal @asclexe @lv3buzzz

If I forgot someone/if you want to be added just lmk :)) if I forgot you I’m so so sorry

Edited - |||| ||

[yourpurpleguitarist]

hihi ! was hoping I could get a cg assignment,, I'm a permaregressor with an undisclosed range (roughly 12 and under? usually feel more around 6), I like to do more calming/low energy activities (like laying down and watching shows or playing video games of all genres) 2 accommodate w/ my chronic pain,, I don't like verbally communicating a whole lot either,, so sorry if ur not doing these anymore or taking requests but I've been seeing these a lawt on my dash n was curious to peek in and try it out

We're absolutely still doing them! I think we'll only stop doing them when we stop getting them in our inbox, we LOVE this project. Let me say, after careful consideration, you got one of our favorite characters.

I need you all to do the biggest hear me out right now. I see Shadow as a regressor all day, but I also think he'd be a rockin CG. Permaregression and helping you with your chronic pain are no problem for him, he had experience with Maria and would absolutely take care of you just as well. He'd be very patient, and happy to communicate in whatever way you need. He'd also love to just play games with you and enjoy whatever movies and shows you like.

I hope you like who you got! If you would like to play our ask game, the link is below!

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Daddy-Daughter Podcast 2023

11 years ago, my kid's daycare surprised us by announcing that they were closing for Christmas break a day before everyone else, so I ended up with our then-four-year-old daughter, Poesy, at my office for the day.

After she got bored with coloring and playing with my office toys, I sat her down on my lap in front of my podcast mic and we recorded the greatest, all-singing episode of my podcast ever:

https://craphound.com/news/2012/12/21/happy-hols/

Thus began an annual tradition. Every year since – save one, when my mic was busted – we have recorded a podcast: I interview the kid about her favorite media, apps, books, and hobbies. Sometimes, she gives a tutorial. Then, we sing a song.

She's 15 now (!), and I still managed to drag her to the mic this weekend. We discussed her musical favorites, old (Ike and Tina singing "Proud Mary") and new (Dominic Fyke). We discuss high school, volunteering at the zoo, and the rigors of dance team. She teaches us how to drive. She runs down her favorite apps, and discusses her recent name change. And then, we sing!

https://craphound.com/news/2023/12/10/daddy-daughter-podcast-2023-edition/

This is the eleventh installment in this time-series snapshots of my kid, starting in London, then moving to LA, and every year I go back and listen to the previous recordings. It's not just a wonderful moment of nostalgia for me – it's also a powerful way to put everything into perspective. Anyone who's kept a journal (or a blog!) knows, the act of regular record-keeping, combined with regular revisiting of those records, turns the impressionistic jumble of memory into a clear picture of your life and its trajectory. We remember so poorly, but our treacherous minds fill in those omissions with whatever's going on right now, so if times are good now, we remember all times as good. If times are bad, everything seems bad.

The following year sees Poesy far more confident and even funnier – and excited about working at the zoo someday:

https://craphound.com/news/2013/12/23/christmastime-daddy-daughter-podcast-with-poesy/

At six, Poesy has learned a little French, and some naughty words for Jingle Bells (and she's got a lot more vocal control!):

https://craphound.com/news/2014/12/22/podcast-happy-xmas-guest-starring-poesy/

At seven, Poesy is living in Los Angeles and my mic is very busted, but Poesy knows all the words to Frosty and she's got the barrelhouse walkout nailed:

https://craphound.com/news/2015/12/25/podcast-happy-xmas-guest-starring-poesy-2/

We didn't manage to record the next year, so we catch up with Poesy at nine, with her English accent all but gone – but her memory for lyrics is better than ever (who knew there were so many choruses to "Deck the Halls?"). This is the first time I interviewed her, for an in-depth discussion of how to make slime (remember slime?):

https://craphound.com/news/2017/12/23/reviving-my-christmas-daddy-daughter-podcast-with-poesy/

At ten, Poesy is now watching online makeup tutorials and has lots of advice for you, and is super into squishies:

https://craphound.com/news/2018/12/24/christmas-podcast-with-poesy-2018-edition/

At eleven, Poesy's no longer willing to sing, but she has lots of information about riding horses. This is the first year that she's got her own music preferences, with half of them being contemporary artists like Billie Eilish and the other half being older acts like Queen. This is also the year that she got rid of all her old toys, books and clothes, because they were "not her style":

https://craphound.com/podcast/2019/12/20/my-annual-daddy-daughter-xmas-podcast-interview-with-an-11-year-old/

Twelve sees us podcasting from covid lockdown. No song this year, but she's playing video games (Among Us), thrifting (while double-masked), and she's just discovered Tiktok, along with Tiktok dances, and she's started to find cool music that I enjoy:

https://craphound.com/news/2020/12/11/daddy-daughter-podcast-2020-edition/

At thirteen, Poe's a high school freshman and the singing is back! She's big into Drag Race and Ru Paul. And high school sucks so hard that she'd rather go back to Zoom school. She's still riding horses, and she's fallen in love with a book for the first time in years: Animal Farm (but she hates the ending):

https://craphound.com/news/2021/12/23/daddy-daughter-podcast-2021-edition/

Last year, Poesy was fourteen, and my office had just flooded out in a freak rainstorm. Poesy has discovered her argumentative nature, and she loves hiking in nearby Angeles National Forest. She's getting into hiphop – Eminem, Snoop Dogg, and Cyprus Hill – and South Park (also Fleetwood Mac!). We get a lot about Big Mouth, and a long discussion of her short fiction writing:

https://craphound.com/podcast/2022/12/12/daddy-daughter-podcast-2022-edition/

These annual time-capsules are just tremendous. I may not have had the discipline to do daily, time-lapse ready photo portraits, but this corny, silly yearly tradition is more than a way for my kid and me to spend a few minutes together just before Christmas – they're a way to connect to our past and think about the future to come. I can imagine doing these over Zoom when the kid's away at university in a couple years, though who knows if she'll stand for that.

Here's the podcast episode:

https://craphound.com/news/2023/12/10/daddy-daughter-podcast-2023-edition/

And here's a direct link to the MP3 (hosting courtesy of the Internet Archive – they'll host your stuff for free, forever):

https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_457/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_457_-_Daddy_Daughter_Podcast_2023_Edition.mp3

And here's the RSS feed for my podcast:

https://feeds.feedburner.com/doctorow_podcast

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/12/11/daddy-daughter-2023/#not-bye

[ashisgreedy]

Garreth Weasley x F!MC

Professor Garreth AU

“A Potion Of You.” 

Tags: Spicy 18+ | First Date | Making out | Heavy petting | Fingering | F!Orgasm | Hickies | All chars are aged up 21+ish. WC: 7,100

-18 Minors, do not interact with my blog/content.

A|N: In chapter 1, Garreth is introduced as a professor at Hogwarts after not seeing the MC for many years. He proceeds to get outed as having a crush on her when they were in school and his feelings are reciprocated by the MC. He asks her out on a date. Chapter 2 is their date!

| Ch. 1 |

Chapter 2 

Entering the castle after all of these years was a shock of nostalgia. The corridors all seemed so familiar yet she’s been gone so long, she knew she couldn't have made her way around by memory anymore.  She knocked lightly on the solid wooden door of Garreth’s classroom. She was unsure if it was the correct room but the surrounding stack of caldrons made her more confident she was in the right place.

She didn't have to wait long before the door swung open to the Potions Classroom, Garreth greeting her with a large smile. Seeing him was also a mix of nostalgia as well, laced with a hint of unfamiliarity. There was a time, long ago, when she knew every single thing about him. 

“Hey! Come on in.” He welcomed her warmly. Garreth’s hair was styled like it always had been. His curl pattern and the way his hair grew must not have been open to many different types of styling. 

“Hello, good evening.” She greeted him sweetly. 

Her day had seemed to drag by so slowly making her nerves stand on end. It was almost surreal being here with him now in his classroom, finally. She wondered all day what the date would be like, what he would be like. Would they still banter like they used to? Could being romantically entangled complicate things in a way neither of them could have imagined? She hoped things would go smoothly at least. As teens, they always clicked together effortlessly. Hopefully, not much has changed despite the years of maturity between them. 

He was dressed a bit nicer than the night before at the bar. He was wearing a maroon vest with gold buttons and trim. His top was a light cream and his slacks were a dark shade of charcoal grey. He looked great and so put together. He never lacked in the fashion department when they were teens but it was nice to see him trying a bit more for her, for their date. She shook her head internally at the thought, still in disbelief that she was on a date with the guy she had the biggest and longest-running crush on in history. 

“I’m happy to see you again.” He said, giving her a quick look over. “You look amazing.” He blew out air from his lungs in a rush and rubbed the back of his head. “I mean to say, you look very beautiful.” 

Her stomach flopped at his compliment. “Thank you.” She took a moment to rake her eyes over him. “You’re not so bad yourself.” She shot him a playful smile. That was an understatement. He looked downright hot. This man had only gotten better with age. He was filled out, broader, and his legs were a good deal longer. His arms were way more muscular than she had ever seen them. She wondered if he worked out or if the simple task of carrying heavy objects around his classroom got him so into shape. She imagined he may carry many heavy stacked cauldrons and crates of supplies to and fro, arms flexing as he did. 

“Why, thank you.” He beamed. “I just have to grab my keys and we can be off!” His energy was still very much the same albeit a bit more toned down. Garreth still looked like he’d be up for any spontaneous adventure. His eyes glittered in the room light before he tore his gaze away to grab his set of keys. 

She had missed those deep emerald eyes of his that used to be such a comfort to see on even the most stressful of days. She missed his red fluffy hair that she used to throw tiny bits of balled-up paper in that he, of course, never realized it was her doing. (She should confess that to him soon…)  Hell, she missed him and his antics and his jokes and his laugh. They were always chatting and planning something back in school. Their conversation always flowed like water down a stream, it was as easy as breathing. She wondered how their adult conversations would go.

They both had nervous jitters that bounced around the room. It was a strange combination of feeling the familiarity of an old friend while also being somewhat strangers. It didn’t help her nerves being so open about being attracted to said friend. And, of course, going on a date. A date with many possible implications that she refused to allow herself to think about all day. She blushed and made her way back out the door from where she had just come. 

What if it did work out? What then? One of them would have to leave the adult life they built. One of them being her, of course, she would never ask Garreth to leave his job as a professor here at Hogwarts. It would make her sick to her stomach to even ask him to quit so he could come live with her in her hamlet many hours away doing menial tasks to stay afloat.  She supposed she wouldn’t mind leaving her life behind, but she was getting ahead of herself. The date hadn’t even started yet. She would just have to go with the flow and have fun with it. 

“I brought my appetite like you asked.” She assured him. Garreth sent her an owl early that morning with a bit of banter and a hint to wear warm clothes for their date. It also told her to stop snacking at 4 to be hungry enough for what he had planned. She read the letter six or seven times just to study his neat handwriting. The way he wrote her name with an extra flourish made her heart swell. 

“Fantastic!” He closed the door, locking it with one of the larger keys on the ring. “I don’t want to spoil too much of the surprise, but we will definitely have lots of food options tonight.” 

“What’s such a surprise about eating dinner together?” 

Garreth sent her a charming smile and offered her his arm. She took it, linking her arm in his as they walked down the long corridor.

“You will see soon enough.” 

She wondered if his cheeks were going to be sore from smiling so much. She touched her own face realizing she may be facing the same issue later. They walked arm in arm, their steps, and easy chatter filling the halls. 

Gareth took her to a small balcony high in the Hogwarts castle. It looked so familiar to her but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. But, oh wow, was it an incredible view. It was akin to something she would only be able to see flying on her broom. Rolling hills in the distance, glowing just a bit with the last remaining rays of the setting sun. The black lake below looked massive from where they stood. Its waters were calm and it reflected the hills behind it like a mirror.

A small circular table sat in the middle of the balcony. A white tablecloth draped to the ground and the centerpiece was decorated with a red flower and two floating candles. Two empty plates were set out across from each other, chairs angled slightly toward the view. 

“Wow, it’s lovely.” She took in the romantic scene. Her heart squeezed at the effort he’d put in. She stepped toward the table with a huge grin. 

Garreth laughed. “I may have gotten some advice on what kind of date to take you on. I told my colleagues I couldn’t grab drinks with them because I had a special date.”  He enunciated the T in ‘date’ and winked. He pulled out the chair for her and waited for her to sit. 

“Do you grab drinks with your fellow professors often?” She unfolded the napkin on the table and placed it on her lap. Garreth took his seat across from her and relaxed back into the chair. He eyed the scenery then slid his gaze back to her.  

“Sometimes. I guess it's been more often lately since the cool weather rolled in.” He rubbed his hands together and searched the table for something. “I think a lot of people get lonely this time of year.” 

“Did they give you any good advice for our first date?” She teased. 

The floating candles were enchanted, giving off a whole fireplace's worth of warmth. It made it bearable to stay outdoors in the winter, but she was still grateful for the long coat she wore that covered her skirt. Garreth found what he was looking for, a tiny brass bell. He rang it and sat it off to the side. 

“A bit. Only one bit of advice was useful though.” He gestured at the view. “The divination professor told me to pick a spot that held meaning for both of us. I don’t think I’ve been to this side of the castle in a while. I wouldn’t have thought about it again if she hadn’t said anything.” 

“Special meaning?” Her brows knitted together. She searched her mind for answers but came up blank. This scenery would be hard to forget, but it was possible it was already culled from her mind after all these years.

Garreth nodded, looking around the balcony. “This is where we used to come to sneak out to during 6th and 7th year when I made those series of… concoctions. The ones that I hoped would get us either drunk or experience a unique buzz.” 

It all rushed back to her in an instant. She recalled Garreth pulling out vile after vile of different potions he’d made and dropped them all on the balcony for them to sift through. They’d drink a vile then eat some candy they’d gotten from Hogsmeade and just talk and laugh. Sometimes they’d play games, most of which Garreth had come up with on the spot. Some, they would modify to turn them into drinking games. She didn’t recall ever taking in the view like she was now. It must have paled in comparison to the company she shared. 

“Damn,” She began. “I can’t believe I didn’t recognize this place! Remember the time you drank two potions back to back and your skin ended up turning purple?” She began to laugh and Garreth feigned annoyance. 

“Yes well, I remember when you used to force me to drink all the newest concoctions because you were too scared to be my guinea pig. That’s why my face turned purple! I could never say no to you.” He shook his head with a grin. “I guess you know why now.” He shot her a playful wink.

“What would you rather have had me do? I couldn’t walk around school with purple skin.” 

“It’s not like I wanted all those strange stares either.” He crossed his arms, a huge smile across his face.” 

“Well, you are the one that made them. It’s only fair that you are the one that tested them too.” 

“I was just happy to be hanging out with you. It was always worth it to have double vision for a few hours or even purple skin.” 

They smiled at one another for a long moment. Now that the conversation easily flowed, she felt more comfortable in his presence. 

“Oh, and you mentioned you spoke with the divination professor? Did she predict our date would go well?” She smirked, raising a questioning brow. 

Garreth laughed then shook his head. “I didn’t ask.” 

“Bullshit.” 

“Okay fine! I asked!” He put his hands up in defense, a huge smile still on his face. “ But she wouldn't tell me. She just said ‘Have fun.’ and shut the door on my face.” 

“You poor thing.”

“Yes, feel sorry for me.” He teased.

She admonished him and rolled her eyes. It was fun, how easily she could flirt with him. It was welcoming, almost like no time had passed. 

A bell chimed sounding the same as the one Garreth had rang moments ago. 

“Lean back.” He directed, leaning back in his own chair.

She removed her arms from the table and relaxed back. Out of thin air, food appeared on the plate in front of her. Several sides populated the outskirts of the plate while the middled filled an entre. The huge mug to her right began to fill to the brim with a fizzing liquid.

“This looks absolutely delicious.” She breathed in the new smells that permeated the balcony. The effervescent drink bubbled as she took a small sip. The cider warmed her from the inside. 

Garreth was quiet for a long moment before he spoke. “I’m glad you like it. Just so you know, we can ring this bell and more food will be brought out. Each time we ring it, a new dish will be served.”

“Is this with the help of the kitchen elves?”

“Yes, the concept is similar to how they fill the dining hall for every meal. Pretty neat, huh?”

“Very neat!” She looked up and met Garreth’s gaze. “Garreth, I really do like this.” She spoke quietly. Understanding washed over his features. He kept eye contact with her, appreciating the moment. “I like everything about this night. The food is perfect, the view is incredible, and having dinner on this balcony was a marvelous idea.” Garreth’s smile grew as she spoke. “But most of all, I like the company.” 

There it was, a red blush, spreading across Garreth’s face. “I’ve never been happier.” He sounded as if he were in a dream state.

“Oh hush,” She giggled. “Liar. I was there when you managed to make the perfect batch of fizzing whiz beer that didn’t blow up, and it actually tasted drinkable.” 

“That WAS incredible!” He laughed, reminiscing. “I have since refined that recipe, I’ll have you know. You can actually drink a whole mug of it and not get sick!” 

“Wonderful! I’d love to try some.” 

“Well… okay maybe it still makes one a bit sick on occasion…” He backpedaled. “It’s a bit unpredictable. But, I have another better recipe I’ve been working on that you can try!” 

“I may take you up on that offer.” Do you live here,” She gestured to the castle. “in the faculty tower?” She recalled that most, if not all of the professors lived in the tower. 

“Uh, I don’t. I do have a room to stay in if I need it. But, I actually live in a nearby Hamlet. It has a yard where I can grow some ingredients and it’s near some woods where I can forage.” Garreth took a drink from his cup. 

“Oh? I didn’t think they would allow you to live off the property if you were a professor.” She honestly hadn’t put much thought into it as a child. Most of the time it felt like the professors just slept in their classroom offices. 

“There’s a floo flame two houses down from me. And, there's a floo flame right outside of my classroom. I can arguably make it to my classroom faster than others that live within the castle itself.” He smiled like he’d tested that theory already. 

The conversation flowed easily as they ate their meal. The two candles floating above the table kept the balcony romantically lit and very warm. The gentle yellow flame made Garreth’s hair appear more strawberry blond than his usual firebolt strands.

She didn’t want this night to end. She felt annoyed that she had to leave early the next morning. When she initially visited, she hadn’t planned on even staying the one night let alone two. She didn’t bring more than just the one spare set of clothing nor did she bring enough galleons to pay for yet another room at a nearby stay. Sadness crept into her mind, but she pushed it away and focused on enjoying the moment. 

They continued their banter as the dinner progressed. They both took turns bringing up memories of their time at school and sharing knowledge about what their old friends were up to now. 

Later, she found her arm linked with Garreth’s again as he showed her around his classroom. 

“I’ve made some changes, but mostly kept things the way they were. I don’t like sitting for most of the class. I find that I walk around and answer questions most of the time anyway. So, I got rid of the desk to make room for additional caldrons.” Garreth spoke excitedly. He looked a lot like his enthusiastic younger self now. She loved that he still held onto wonder, like everything was still fresh and new. 

She took in her old classroom, spotting some differences here and there. “I’m impressed by your ingredient shelves. They are much more organized than I remember.” All the shelves were organized by color and size. Most of the jars looked dusted and all their labels were facing outward neatly.  

Garreth rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, you can thank one of my students for that. A first year. She came in the first day and gasped. Said that this was no way to run a classroom. She ended up staying after class several times for a couple of weeks just to reorganize my ingredients. She condensed some and separated others. I haven’t dared to touch them since. I am grateful, but I don’t want to mess up all her hard work. Plus, the other students have been finding things much faster. Whatever she did, it’s a far better system than what I could have come up with.” 

“Sounds like she’d make a good teacher's assistant one day.” They continued their jaunt around the room, eventually making their way back toward the entrance. 

“That would mean she’d have to go into my office. I think she would quit on the spot if she went in there.” Garreth laughed. “Speaking of,” He waved his wand at the lock on the door within the classroom. The lock popped and the door swung open. “This is my office.” He pocketed his wand and lead her in. 

It wasn’t dirty at all. In fact, there was far less dust than what she remembered from it being Professor Sharps's office. It looked more lived-in albeit disorganized. He used almost every surface to house potion bottles, ingredient jars, or bubbling caldrons. 

“I know it looks kind of bad… But, I know where everything is. Or, at least I think I could find what I was looking for pretty quickly.” He glanced around then looked back over at her, eagerly waiting to hear what she thought. 

“It’s very you, Gar.” She reached over and squeezed his hand. Her eyes bounce from one shelf to another. There were several corks on his desk and a slew of blank tags tossed about. She guessed he must have been in the middle of labeling some potions before she got there. 

“Feel free to take a seat if you want.” He squeezed her hand back, grinning like an idiot. “I can make us some tea.” The only seat was at his desk. It felt strange to be seated while he stood so she opted to lean against the desk instead. 

She peaked at the clock ticking away on the wall and sighed. “I think I’ll pass on the tea. It’s getting a bit late.” She had a pang of regret the second she said that. “I-I don’t want the night to end, but I do have to leave a bit early in the morning.” 

Garreth nodded his head. “It’s perfectly alright. I’m glad you said something. I would have kept talking for hours.” His smile looked bittersweet. He ran his hand through his hair and rested his palm on the back of his neck. 

She didn’t want to come outFright and say how she was feeling quite yet. If they did want to see each other again, it wouldn’t be for a while due to their schedules. And, what if long distance wasn’t Garreth’s thing? Or if he agreed to it, how long would they both last? Did he always want her to come to him? Or would he be willing to come to her? He probably couldn’t stay with her for very long anyway, he would always have to come back for his classes. She shook her head out of her thoughts. She was getting ahead of herself.

“I’d love to talk to you for hours.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “If I could.” 

That brightened his smile. “Yeah? And what would you like to talk about with me for hours?” He took a step toward her, brows lifting in question. 

“Anything…” She breathed the word. 

She laughed as nervous and giddy energy bubbled up inside her. But, it was the second step he took that made her stomach break out into flutters. Garreth stood in front of her, gaze falling on hers. He took her hand in his and laced their fingers together. Her heart hammered as she realized just how alone they were. They weren’t kids sneaking around anymore, and no one was looking for them.  

His eyes twinkled as he cupped one side of her face. Their noses touched and he hovered in silent question. She squeezed her hand in his and held her breath when his thumb gently stroked her skin.

Her heart thrummed wildly in her ears while she focused on the two freckles that decorated his top lip. Without further hesitation, she pressed up on her toes and accepted his invitation. His lips were warm against hers and oh, so soft. He kissed her like she was delicate, pressing his lips to hers tenderly. He let out a relieved sigh and planted several soft pecks atop her mouth. 

He slowed his rhythm gradually. When it felt like he was going to conclude the kiss, she slid her palms up his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck. Garreth took a sharp inhale and slid his hand to rest on her lower back. He hugged her close, tilting his head more to the right, and slotting their lips together to get a much deeper kiss. 

The sounds of feet shuffling as they scrambled to get that much closer to one another, labored breathing, and lips meeting filled the office. She was caught up in the rhythm of it all. The urgency of the kiss began to reflect how much she deeply yearned for him, all the way to the center of her being. She wanted this. He wanted this. It was clearer than glass to her. They just fit together so perfectly.

Bells chimed in the distance and Garreth tore his lips away. He looked pained to be parted from her. His forehead pressed into hers while taking a deep breath. 

“That’ll be 11:00 PM. I am sorry I kept you out so late.” He pressed a long, hard kiss to her forehead, hands cupping the sides of her face as he did. 

She smiled at the affection and looked up to meet his eyes. “Thank you for tonight.” Her fingers playfully twirled a stray piece of his crimson hair. 

Garreth smiled wide and raced to plant a chassed kiss on her lips. “I should be thanking you. I am so glad you came into town. I’m happy you agreed to go on a date with me.” His thumb swiped over her bottom lip. He marveled at her for a few more moments before stepping away. 

“I…” She paused. “I guess I should be going.” She did tell him earlier that she couldn’t stay out too late. But, this was making her regret that statement. She wanted nothing more than to fold into his arms and stay there all night. 

“May I walk you back to your lodgings for the night?” 

“Of course. I’d love that.” She gave him one last smile and squeezed their clasped hands before breaking away. 

On their way out, Garreth locked his office door with a wave of his wand then took her hand in his. “There’s a floo flame just there,” he pointed across the hall. His warm fingers laced with hers and excitement bubbled up in her chest. They fell into pace with one another with no effort. 

The trip was like a flash. The warm air from the castle was gone and replaced instantly with the night's chilly atmosphere. A gush of icy wind blew past, lifting dried leaves from the cobblestone street. She hugged herself to suppress a shiver.

“It’s that one.” She pointed to the quaint bed and breakfast across the square. 

Garreth squinted in that direction. “I see it! Let’s get inside.” He looked down just as she shivered. “Quickly now!” He said with a smile. 

They bounded for the building in sync, both laughing a bit at the other's competitive nature. They both tried to quickly step in front of one another but Garreth rushed forward at the last minute and opened the door for her. 

“After you.” He gave her a playful wink.

Stagnant warm air greeted them. She rubbed her hands together to create heat. The fireplace in the corner of the room blazed and the scent of freshly brewed tea wafted in the air. 

“Good evening!” The receptionist chimed. She stood from behind the desk, setting her drink down in the process. She smoothed her blazer and looked between the two of them with a welcoming smile. 

“Yes, good evening.” She greeted. 

“Good evening.” Garreth nodded. 

“Do you need to check in?” The receptionist began opening a ledger. 

“No, I’ve got a key already. Thank you.” She wave to the receptionist and guided Garreth down the hall. 

“Not a problem. Please feel free to come to the front desk at any time if you are in need of anything.” The receptionist called after. 

“Will do!” She responded over her shoulder. 

She realized how fast she was rushing to her room and began to stall her steps. The excitement and energy from their playfulness outside had not worn off on her yet. She buzzed with adrenaline and, truthfully, nerves. She wanted to kiss him again. 

“It’s a nice stay.” He broke the silence. 

“Yes, it’s very nice. It was the only open room I could find nearby on such short notice. They were quick to get me a room. A nice couple, the people that run this place.”

They walked a few more steps in silence. “Will you be coming back anytime soon?” Garreth’s voice was full of hope. 

“I might, I mean- Maybe? I have some business back near my home. So, it won't be for another few weeks before I can come back.” 

Garreth’s eyes wandered as he processed her words. “Then, may I come visit you? If you’ll have me of course.”

She stopped walking. “I’d love that.” She pulled the key out of her pocket and read the number on it. 

“Fantastic!” He sighed in relief. His smile reached his eyes and he looked absolutely bursting with happiness. 

She smiled at his expression and turned the corner. Her steps slowed in front of the second door on the left. “Here I am.” 

Garreth nodded and ran his hand through his hair. “I had a lot of fun.” He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “I would love to take you out again, soon. Maybe I can visit you this coming weekend? I teach my last class at noon on Friday, so I will be free all weekend starting then.” 

She leaned against the wall next to her door, picking at a piece of loose thread on her jacket sleeve, and smiled. “That would be fine, as long as you don’t mind going on a couple of errands with me.” 

“I would not mind at all.” He smiled wide. “In fact, that sounds like a lot of fun.” 

She absently pulled at the loose thread, a light blush never leaving her cheeks. Garreth looked over his shoulder down the hall then back at her. He shifted his weight from one leg to the other. 

“Could I, er…” He averted his eyes and looked down the hall again, biting his bottom lip.

“What is it?” 

Garreth resolved himself, clearing his throat. He leaned in a bit closer, keeping his voice down. “I want to kiss you… again.” His eyes caught hers. “May I?” 

Her blush spread to her ears. “Yes.” She perked up, ready to press up on her toes at a moment's notice to capture his lips yet again.

“Yes?” Garreth smiled wide.

“I’d like that.” She admitted.

He ran his hand down her arm tentatively. He took her hand again and rubbed a circle on the back of it with his thumb. Garreth was almost a head taller than her now. It was still so strange seeing just how much he’d changed after all these years. She wanted to explore more about him and get to know everything about who he was now. He accommodated their height difference by leaning down. His lips parted ever so slightly as he inched closer to her. She pushed up on her toes to meet him halfway. 

They met in the middle, arms wrapping around one another. They picked up where they left off in his office. She poured every bit of passion she could muster into that kiss hoping to show him just how much the night meant to her, how much he meant to her. Garreth reciprocated her passion like it was a challenge. 

She was lost in the kiss, lost in the fervor, but something prodding her lips brought her back down to reality. She paid attention to their mouths trying to process what it was. Garreth did it again, pressing the tip of his tongue against her closed mouth. She realized he was asking her to part her lips for him. A dizzying rush swept over her, and she relaxed her lips at his request. 

His tongue dipped passed her parted lips in slow sensual motions, gliding over the tip of hers. She hummed at the sensation. Fuck, it felt so good kissing him like this. Her sighs encourage him, and he slipped his tongue in more and more. She pushed against his body eagerly, arms tight against his neck, hands sliding in his silky hair. He pushed back, pressing her body firmly against the wall with his. She could feel just how much this was affecting him as he absently rolled his hips against her.

The soft yearning sounds he started to make were heavenly. He sounded borderline needy and holy hell was it affecting her. Each whimper he stifled went straight down her spine, fueling her burning desire. Weak at the knees, she’d probably slide to the floor if it wasn’t for him holding her up against the wall.

She quickly realized, despite his roaming touches, Garreth’s hands only moved everywhere that was decent, missing all her sensitive places. She peaked her eyes open as they made out, seeing just how lust drunk he was. She noticed the angular cut of his jaw, decorated with hundreds of tiny freckles. His face was beet red and his hair was in shambles. She’d done that to him, she was the one that made him into this mess of a man. 

The realization of the effect she had on him gave her a shot of audacity. When his palm roamed to the small of her back again, she reached back and slid his hand to cup her ass. 

She broke their kiss to speak. “It’s okay, you can touch me.” 

“Yeah?!” Garreth was breathless. His hand was frozen in place. She felt a tremble go through him. 

“Yes… Please. We won’t see each other for a while and…” Was that the best excuse she could come up with? She tried again, the truth this time. “I want you to touch me.” 

He nodded, and his hand squeezed the roundness of her ass. His mouth moved from her lips, to her jaw, and down to her neck. His little nips and kisses made her ache between her thighs. He sucked lightly under her ear, both hands wildly massaging her backside. His tongue swept across her skin sending chilled bumps down her arm. 

Her skirt was riding up with the friction of his enthusiastic movements. He was way more handsy than she expected him to be but welcomed it greedily. The enthusiastic massaging and groping of her ass excited her to no end.  When her skirt rode up too high and his finger touched her bare thigh he stopped. “Is this okay?” His eyes went wide, a pleading look of apology in his gaze.

“Yes!” She didn’t mean to whimper but fucking hell her mind was becoming mush. It was filled with just him, Garreth’s lips, Garreth’s tongue, his hands, his hips, his hard as fuck cock in his pants rubbing against her with every grind of his hips. 

With her permission, he slid both his hands under her skirt, feeling her ass with only the thin barrier of her cotton panties. “Shit,” She panted into his kiss. With his grip manipulating the cloth, moving it around, she could feel just how wet she’d gotten from this interaction. 

Garreth was breathless as they made out. He groaned into her mouth, swiping his tongue as deep as it would go. She matched his energy, and gripped the back of his head, holding him to her lips. Her hands soon began to slide around his hair, touseling his already messy waves. He groaned when her nails gently scraped his scalp. 

Garreth’s hips pushed against her again and she returned the gesture, grinding against him in kind. Her heart was swelling with emotion the longer they kissed. She could have this with him, all the time. She wanted it more than anything. This could be the very adventure she’d been searching for. A life with him, rekindling their childhood flame and making up for lost time for as long as they lived. The butterflies in her stomach doubled.

She pushed his head to the side and began trailing kisses down his neck to his clavicle. She unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt and pulled the collar down to reveal more freckled skin. Garreth panted like he’d been chased all the way here, hands still kneading her ass.

She began to kiss his chest as more skin became bare to her. She wanted to leave a kiss for each day they were apart, a kiss for every moment she spent pining after him in school, a kiss for every year that went by where her love for him hadn’t yet faded. 

He slowed his grip and ran his palms up and down her thighs, teasing his finger along her panty line. He was getting bolder and she loved it. She sucked on the patch of skin that would be hidden by his clothes in the daytime. Despite wanting to mark him for all to see, Garreth was a professor now and had a professional life. His racing heart pulsed on her lips as she marked him. She licked and sucked the same spot while he watched, eyes half-lidded. 

“Something to remember you by?” Garreth tried to tease, but it came out as more of a needy sigh. 

“Something like that.” She teased back, breath heady. 

The hickey was smaller than she thought it’d be based on how hard she’d been sucking. She kissed the small mark before letting go of his shirt and hiding it from view.

Garreth’s mouth was on hers in a flash. He left one hand under her skirt while the other slid up her waist. He stopped at her ribs and rested there. 

“You can touch me.” She assured, cupping his face and pulling him into a devious kiss. 

He groaned into the kiss, sliding his hand up slowly to cup her breast. He squeezed her and held his breath. She slid her tongue into his mouth, pushing her chest against his palm. He readjusted his stance to hold both her chest and ass comfortably. 

The squeezing and rubbing sensation was gunning her desire. His hand gripping and sliding along her breast moved the fabric around just right to pleasure the sensitive nipple below. She moaned when he squeezed particularly hard, pressing herself into his arms.  Their muffled sounds of pleasure filled the air as their kisses heated up. Waves of desire and heat radiated between their bodies. 

Garreth gave her ass one last squeeze before daring to press his hand between her thighs. He cupped her pussy and added some pressure. His palm ground into her clit in a circular motion and she cursed. Before she knew it, her hips rocked against his hand fervently. The motion spread her wet desire all over the cloth of the panties soaking through to his skin. 

“Fu-uck” He moaned, grinding his hand against her cunt. “You’re so eager, so perfect,” His voice was a borderline whimper. “...so wet.” he whispered in disbelief. 

“Garreth-” She moaned his name, gripping his shoulders to keep herself upright. 

He kept up his eager pace, grinding his hand in a circular pattern while she rocked her hips. Garreth bit her bottom lip, forcing her mouth open so her moans filled the hall. He then swiped his tongue against hers, kissing and lapping at her mouth in a craze.

She could feel it coming, the release her body was working up to. It lingered on the edge, like a diver working up their courage to take the plunge. Her legs were jelly and her head was swimming. “...Sssso close.” She moaned into his mouth. 

Garreth stopped his ministrations and dipped his hand in the front of her panties and used his fingers to focus pressure on her clit. The feeling of skin-to-skin was blinding. She saw stars at the unbridled sensation. His fingertips were so smooth against her sensitive, throbbing clit. 

She focused on his touch, clenching her eyes shut. Garreth ran his lips along her skin, gently biting the spot below her ear. He squeezed his other hand on her clothed breast, rubbing his thumb along the center. “Holy shit, you’re so beautiful.” He admired. 

“I’m…” She began. The feeling between her legs paused near the peak, holding itself there for an agonizing moment. “I’m going to-” A moan cut her off. The orgasm pulsed inside her, throbbing against Garreth’s circling fingers. 

He sighed, shoulders relaxing, as she trembled in his arms. 

“That’s it, my sweet girl.” Garreth encouraged, never stopping the rhythm of his fingers that got her to her climax. 

She buried her head in his neck, riding out the last remnants of her pleasure. Her breathing soon returned to normal, but her grip on his shirt was just as tight. 

When she settled down, Garreth’s finger left her clit and swiftly slid inside of her. Her post-orgasm wetness allowed him quick and easy access. Her walls trembled against the intrusion, still affected by what he’d done to her, the pleasure he’d given. 

“Oh!” She gasped. Garreth pressed firmly against her wall, sliding in and out slowly. “There… Yes. You’re making me feel so incredible, Garreth.” He was hitting the right. fucking. spot. 

A thought floated into her mind wondering how many women he’d been with to know exactly what to do with her body, but she swatted it away just as quickly. This was about them and them alone.

“Your praises are making me feel invincible.” He nuzzled her face, inviting her to look up at him. “I want more of those sweet little kisses please.” His kind voice was laced with a lingering hint of lust. 

She was in a daze. The world around her was nothing but a dream state. She kissed him again and poured her soul into it. Garreth’s slipped in a second finger, keeping his ministrations shallow, driving her absolutely mad. 

She pleaded into his mouth. “Gar, I need mor-”

“Down the hall and to the left!” The receptionist's voice sliced through their moment. “Have a good stay.” 

“Thank you,” A stranger’s voice echoed. 

Garreth stood up straight and looked at her with wild eyes. “Shit! We're a mess!” He whispered. 

He quickly readjusted her panties and helped smooth down her skirt, shifting it so the zipper was in the back. She began to tame his wild hair with a huge grin. They both giggled as they rushed to help one another become decent again. She didn’t miss the way he wiped his fingers that had just been knuckle-deep inside her on his trousers.  

Just as she fastened the top button of Garreth’s shirt, an older couple came around the corner. She hoped they’d walk past the hallway they were in, but of course, they were booked to sleep in one of the rooms down her hallway. 

She knew they could tell they’d just interrupted something as they glanced them over. Once they assessed the two lovebirds, they looked away silently. Not a word was spoken by anyone as they walked past and entered the room across the hall. 

Garreth flashed her wide eyes and grinned. Once the door was shut, and they were alone again, they both laughed quietly. 

“I am so sorry. I’ve kept you up so much later than you wanted.” He apologized, smoothing down bits of her hair. 

“It's fine,” She smiled up at him, still completely blissed out. She cupped his cheek and rand her thumb along his speckled skin. “I’m definitely not mad.”

He laughed and dropped his head. His cheeks were still stained pink. “Good… good.” He sighed. They melted into a warm hug. “I will let you go now. But-” He spoke quietly. “I can’t wait to see you again already.” 

“Me too.” She squeezed him as their hug lingered. 

When they kissed again neither of them could stop smiling.

“Get some rest. You’ve got an early morning!” He gestured to her door.

“It’s already your fault I’ve lost sleep.” She teased. “Next time…” She bit her lip. “We focus on you…” 

He hugged her again. She couldn’t get enough of his touches. “Don’t worry about me.” He assured with a calm tone. “Now, go to bed young lady. It’s probably past midnight by now.” 

She smiled at him. “Good night, Garreth.” 

“Good night.” 

----------------------------------

Thank you for reading! All my work is tagged as #my writing

Tagging: @ellivenollivander

[tewwor]

 🍒  🍒  🍒  🍒  🍒  🍒  🍒  🍒  🍒  🍒 

send🍒 for nice words >:) ( accepting ) — whoever sent this, ilu

anon, you're so goated 4 this. gotta crack my hand knuckles and brain knuckles for this because WHEW....... i do have that many folks i'd love to yap about in no particular order. also, this is so long — that's my only warning ❤️️

🍒 @desalvar idc if we've only written 1 thing together. i don't care if we haven't chatted an exuberant amount. i'm here to say i love nik sm and i love how passionate you are about him. those hcs i see floating around? eat them up instantly. i cannot wait to yap and explore more no matter how long it takes!!!!!!

🍒 @interxstitial YAINT SLICK. I SAW THAT OTHER ASK SO I MUST PUT YOU ON BLAST about how much i've come to cherish you. fr fr i haven't hehe'd haha'd with a relatively newish mutual this fast in a Long time. but you take the cake. the entire bakery, even. the way you just... okay, look, i said it literally when i first imed you, but your verses are so CHEFS KISS GOOD. THE WAY YOU WRITE IS SO INCREDIBLY GOOD. JIWON AS A ENTIRE CHARACTER IS SO SENSATIONAL.

you're so silly, he's so silly, we're all so silly together. the marked literally became a whole ass community because of your enthusiasm. it genuinely encouraged me to not hold back and continue to yap about all of their stupid nuanced dynamics. and the way we have soooooo many threads together, but they all feel different? juniper's just babey!!!! he's the marked's babey!!!!! don't even get me started on ravi.... i did not think anyone would pick him up by the scruff and hang onto that bro frat man bro. hes so ridiculous but you RAN WITH IT AND WE KEPT SPRINTING. you're amazing, i'm so so happy i followed you all those months ago ❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️

🍒 @gollldrush okay, not going to lie. you're currently an inspiration for my writing. there, i said it. you're so well-rounded with so many genres — like how can you write the most visceral angst, fluff, action, and eerily atmospheric threads? hello? i'm knocking on your blog door, teach me?????? i absolutely adore leo and ellory both SO much. but the way you write rilen specifically has me fascinated.

also, not to mention, it's a field day to chat with you in the best way possible. you're SO nice and you, too, have contributed greatly to the inner dynamics of the marked. i can't wait to see what other shenanigans we come up in the future ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

🍒 @justsurvival KEVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gosh. DARN. sorry if this comes across as too much, but i was so incredibly excited to see you back. would also like to thank the stars for aligning, because i literally got flashbacks to hatsune miku ORYN THE OTHER DAY OUT OF NOWHERE? the picture... haunts me....... anyways. you're a phenomenal writer across the board. you're so fun to chat with and your creativity's off the fucking charts. when i said i couldn't pick who to write a starter for, i meant it. the concepts are all so GOOD it amkes me ( wails on the floor )

🍒 @cordoliae vic, this is my official appreciate blog post tweet story. i cannot for the life of me... even begin to explain / do justice to how wonderful you are. like, as a person AND a writer — i am bowing down at the steepest degree. your writing is TOP TIER and it has influenced my writing so, so much. a lot of the prosier things i type has 10000% been from our earlier threads where mister no-good chanyeol plonked himself in baby jail to bother THE love his life 💗

also, idk if i've ever told you this but i got into botw because of you. like off to the sidelines, i got that game to relive some nostalgia and try to understand that world more and got dunked into getting lost in everything for an eternity. i would also like to POINT OUT that your understanding of ANY canon you write floors me. vincenzo? that's quite literally him pulled from the kdrama itself. BONGGIL? THAT'S HIM DIRECTLY FROM THE SCREEN ITSELF — ACTUALLY? I would like to also point out how ecstatic i was when you reached out about mutually loving exh.uma. i quite literally haven't tunneled that fast before, and while my focus is severally scattered right now — the best shamans are still in my brain. also, you're one of the 3 people that got me into op, so thank you sm for that ♡♡

🍒 @huntershowl ( kicks thru the wall big bird style ). raine... you.. i cannot describe everything i adore about you, but i sure can try. let's get the obvious out of the way, alright? seph, the creature that you are........ fantastic.. feral..... so for real with the cards you've been dealt............. i want to dub you and seph as THE ones that got me to progress jie so much. also litho HELLO? NOT TO DRAG THAT BEATEN HORSE BACK IN but i'm so serious when i say this, he's like so close to being a single ship with seph. highkey the reason why he only crawls out of his stupid cave when seph's around. it still might end up happening, but either way — the influence and sheer devotion and love he has for seph clocks me over the head every single time.

NOW FOR THE NEWERISH DEVELOPMENT. i might not be immersed in jj.k and only have a pinky toe dipped into wb / bn.ha BUT i know you're taking everything and everyone by storm. anytime i see one of your posts about anxiety ( which is so totally understandable ), i'd like to try and reassure you that there's an entire group of folks that love and adore your version of canons and ocs. and if anyone else tries to muck around like a fucking buffoon, i'll send a mathematical plague upon them i s2g

🍒 @xinxiins this is my confession.... not featuring usher, hi, it's just me. i'm clearing out the entire room to say that you have reconnected jie with his culture and i am so forever grateful for that. his slice of life verse version is currently hibernating, but i Did Not Forget about our yapping and immersion in a community he so desperately wanted to be a part of. and as someone that's also struggled with that connection, i thank you so so so SO much from the bottom of my heart. it's truly so incredibly special to have experienced that, and i hope to continue that in the future!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO, YOUR WRITING IS BREATHTAKING. I FEEL LIKE THAT'S A GIVEN BUT I HAVE TO SAY IT ANYWAYS. AND YOU'RE A GEM TO TALK TO ❣❣❣❣❣❣❣

🍒 @fangmother don't mind me scooting on by, but hi, yes, hello. i know we recently started to interact, but a) love the way you write b) love the lore you have surrounding rainer b.1) i was so immersed reading up on her bio / verses — like, truly, thank you for the meal c) cannot wait to explore more dynamics because already, i'm buckled up for more replies and will eventually reach out just to yap yap yap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🍒 @miidnighters brodie.... 100 golden stars for you. just.. gosh..... i can say with full confidence, i will never tire of your characters ever. i don't care if we have a million dynamics with the x amount of characters i have. i still want more!!!!!!!!! you're so talented. honestly very inspirational. idr if i told you this before, but you are also 100000% part of the reason why i got so involved with the marked. OH? ALSO? LETS NOT FORGET HARBORVIEW TOO? before the marked consumed me BUT HELLO???? FLYNN IS HARBORVIEW'S COLLECTIVE GROWN MAN BUT ALSO BABEY. ahem, anyways, i've learned so many new things about my own characters because of our interactions. and i always, always wish the best for you / am so grateful we're pals.

🍒 @catfcng going to be so fr, idk most of the fandoms you run with but i want to ( eventually )!!!!!!!!!! there's just something so captivating with the way you write and bring attention to your characters in the best way possible. also? your blog's entire aesthetic is So Good. i hope to write more with you and will always cheer loudly from the sidelines !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[taraljc]

popping in from the renaissance/medieval post from like 4 days ago. Sorry. Hi. That's the duck. That photo you posted. I spent many a far too early morning in that yard and that was before we painted it and so probably before my time there but only just, but i'd recognize the fence and the shop in the bg anywhere and now i'm sitting alone in my apt in mn smelling cinnamon almonds and listening to the court of common pleas from the other side of the building and oh so desperately missing randall t and his sideways grin as he mussed my flatcap and minding the step from inside where the fridges and nessie were and the duck itself was slowly sinking into the ground because it was still just a garage that someone dumped and left and standing with my cast mates looking as sad and pathetic as we could after lunch at our guildmaster (sue at the time, later my own mother,) hoping she'd let the three of us take on the revelers in a game of stool ball to defend st. lawrence's honor where someone would inevitably get injured. disapproving looks from t. stacy hicks if we hiked our skirts up high enough to run (this was, naturally, back when i was still deep in pretending to be a girl because y'know, *life*,) and then taking meatpies up to rick and chris in the serenghetti and spending some time with st. mike's concocting Plans what eventually ended in four ducklings with soot goatees and twirly mustaches engaging in impromptu land naval warfare. how dare you hit me with so much nostalgia it hurts in a post where i completely clicked on all the read mores half expecting the beige paperback we got at BAPA detailing all the things we needed to know to be decent period actors. i still have mine, y'know? currently it's packed in a box because i'm moving house next week, but i know exactly where it is and this... oh tara. i've never so much as skimmed your blog before to my knowledge and you have skewered me but good. please forgive the typos. it's 4:30am and i am deep in my feels all of a sudden.

My Emma and I worked at the duck from 1997 to about 2001 and I share your feels! I don't even think we were the guild of St Larry's yet I think we were just an offshoot of the Revellers back when Katie and Ralph ran it before they got divorced? and then we had TJ and the lovely man from court whose name I can't remember sort of as co-guild leaders but Karl was still doing the duck sort of separately?

for what it's worth, we are the ones who started bringing hard boiled eggs, pies from the Middle East Bakery, and started selling to everyone with a pass not just the Revellers Guild and not just the actors but the shoppies and the grounds crew and everyone.

and I absolutely 100% remember the Duck slowly sinking into the ground. I think the fence was a new addition? The innyard in the back I mean that fence was a relatively new addition. And I do remember the tables because I want to say Enzo built them (before he and Sue were fight cast they were Revellers) and then we stained them and waterproofed them but they weren't that great and so they were slowly turning green by the time I left?

Anyway yes, that is me in that outfit and so if you were fed by me I probably would remember you! My faire name was Fionnuala Ní Loughlin and my husband Liam was a dead sailor.

(We were also almost single-handedly responsible for Susan who was not yet Susan Scot Frye banning us from scaring the shit out of the patrons by crying during the 3: 30 melee.)

I miss Randall too, so much. and Enzo and Marc LePescu who ran The Forgery and so many others that we've lost over the years.

[mothballmilkshake]

Hey I'm kinda drunk so I'm gonna apologise for this message before I start writing it, please don't hate me? But I missed tumblr days so I logged in, and I saw you still were posting, you're one of the few blogs I could name that I loved to follow, so logging in to see you still posting gave me a warm fuzzy feeling of nostalgia, so I just want to send you my best wishes and energies! <3 Wishing you the best!

Aw, thanks! It's less of a 'still posting' and more 'recently started posting again', specifically a few months ago when I got into Hazbin Hotel and Fanfiction. I can't remember what my blog used to be like!

[aniyas-weird-writing]

heyy I came across your blog a couple days ago and I must say I’m hooked on your writing! I was wondering if you could do some general sfw headcannons for Kitana and jade ! (fem reader would be great if your not comfortable gender neutral is cool!) thank you so much in advance <3

I’m glad you are enjoying my writing. I hope you enjoy these headcannons!

Kitana and (new add to the list) Jade general (sfw) headcannons.

Kitana

Kitana doesn’t have much time to spend with you due to being Khan. But when she gets the chance too, she treasures it.

Kitana would teach you Edenian language and dress you in traditional Edenian wear.

She gets a sense of nostalgia when she sees you in Edenia wear.. she can’t help but remember her childhood (pre-Shao Khan)

She would tell you stories of Edenia and stories of her childhood.

(She once said that Jerrod would love you)

Kitana teaches you how to use a fan and some Edenian training..

Sometimes, you both go to a beautiful garden and relax while talking to eachother or eating.

As Khan, Kitana is working 24/7 but if she somehow has a full day off (which is extremely rare,) she would have some servants pamper you and her.

Massages, some nail treatments, hair care, some training, trying out some outfits, going shopping in Outworld, etc;

Jade

Like Kitana, she would tell you some stories about Edenia.

Jade trains or spends time with Kotal most of her time. But, when she’s free, she enjoys hanging out with you.

(M̶k̶:9̶ J̶a̶d̶e̶ w̶i̶l̶l̶ t̶e̶a̶c̶h̶ y̶o̶u̶ h̶o̶w̶ t̶o̶ w̶o̶r̶k̶ a̶ p̶o̶l̶e̶)

Jade enjoys training with you. If you don’t feel like training, she’ll teach you some history about Edenia.

Sometimes, you go on missions with Jade.

You admire Jade and Kitana’s loyalty to eachother. You ask Jade how to keep a ongoing friendship and she offers good advice.

In a way, you are almost always with her. Whether she be talking to Kitana or with Kotal, you are always by her side or somewhere near her.

(You also saw her whoop Kotal’s behind in the Tarkatan camp)

I got to do 3 more req so I’ll try and finish them today! I hope you enjoyed this request.

req from: anon

[hsonlyangel]

Hi friends💕 I haven’t been on this blog for over 4 years (!!) but in light of recent events, I didn’t know where else to turn.

I can’t emphasize what a key role One Direction played in shaping my teen years. My first exposure to fan fiction was with 1D fics and oh boy did that open up a can of worms. I still have a Pinterest board from 2012 with everything from cute pics of the boys to unhinged (borderline incoherent) imagines. In tenth grade, I bought school supplies with Liam’s face on it because I was a Liam girlie before Harry *gasp*. I saw This Is Us in theaters and the Teenage Dirtbag sequence permanently altered my brain chemistry (seriously, give it a rewatch). When the Best Song Ever music video came out, I tortured my little brother by playing it on loop. I sat in shocked silence in my sociology class as news broke of Zayn leaving the band. My college roommate indulged me as I lost my mind over the release of the carpool karaoke video. I’m approaching 30 now but all of these memories are *so* fresh in my mind.

Although I don’t listen to them as much as I did a decade ago, when I need a pick me up or dose of teenage nostalgia, I throw on 1D. On Wednesday, I needed some cheering up so I put on some of their music and it helped, as always. The last song I listened to was Love You Goodbye and then I planned to go about my errands as usual. About 15 minutes later, in the middle of a bookstore, I got a text from my mom saying Liam had passed away. It felt like the world stopped. Getting back in the car to drive home, 1D came back on the queue and grief hit me like a Mack truck. Less than an hour before, I had been happily singing along to their music and now Liam’s just…gone? It doesn’t feel real. None of my friends were ever Directioners so I don’t really have an outlet for this grief. Which brings me here.

I’m not on social media much anymore for my mental health, but I knew that Tumblr was one of the only places where I would feel seen and understood in the aftermath of this loss. I was caught off guard by the depths of my grief and I just can’t stop crying. I see deep cuts of the band in their early days and the throwbacks that used to make me laugh now make me weep. The songs that got me through some of the most difficult times in my life will never be experienced the same way. I couldn’t afford 1D tickets while they were touring but a tiny part of me was hoping one day I could see them on a reunion tour in honor of my inner teen. I keep vacillating between denial and devastation and the whole situation is still so surreal.

Even though it’s under heartbreaking circumstances, it’s been so validating and heartwarming to see members of this community coming back and reminiscing, being open about their grief, and supporting one another. It’s hard to describe how deeply this hurts to people outside of the Directioner bubble, but I know y’all get it. I don’t know how to begin processing this but I’m gonna try.

Sending so much love and strength to everyone affected by this. You are not alone❤️

[purplemortuary]

My heart hurts.

Atsushi Sakurai, you gave me countless moments of joy, sadness, nostalgia and love among many feelings.

I don't even remember how I found out about Buck-Tick but wasn't more than a couple of years ago, sadly I didn't find your music before which would have been a delight.

I'm still making my peace with the fact that you won't be around anymore, I have moments of denial and moments of tears. There are instants in which I'm like "But how? He was here last month, how is he not here anymore, he was still young"

It all felt so sudden but somewhat I've been depressed for days and I didn't know why, I guess I was even more worried than what I wanted to admit after his heath declined but a part of me was trying to think "he's alright and resting with his cats at home"

But days kept passing and there were no news, U-ta said he was going to take a break from his blog which felt odd but I still thought "maybe they realised it's time to take it slower and take care of themselves"

When I finally saw the announcement, a chill runs through my body and I am shaking, I told a friend with whom I was talking to "he died" and I couldn't believe the words came out of my fingers typing. I read the post probably 20 times hoping for it to change.

Then it all made sense, Issay, COVID, the stress he was probably having, his voice being hurt, Imai drinking a beer I believe in the middle of the night, U-ta stopping his blog and the very late birthday wish for Imai on the Instagram profile.

He died the very day he stumbled in his feet but still kept going for three songs, I heard from people who were there that something didn't feel right from the start, that day will stay forever in my heart. I have many drafts and sketches of him but almost never finished anything, one day I might.

I know that I will never get the chance to see you dance and sing with your beautiful voice which was something I was planning on my trip to Japan in the next few years, now even thinking about travelling feels painful, but I'll try to remember the good side of you, the songs you gave us, the laughs and smiles you gifted us, the thoughts you shared with us, the turbulent times and the happy times.

I know you probably had a difficult and sometimes lonely life, sometimes I felt connected to your opinions in interviews and views on life and relationships.

I don't know what's going to happen to the band now, only time and decisions of Mr. Imai, Mr. Hoshino, Mr. Yuta and Mr. Yagami will say.

Regardless of what happens, I will support their choice and keep loving them as the band that was born in school and didn't know the future was going to be more than 35 years together, a life full of experiences.

Thank you so much for sharing a part of your life with us and I'm forever grateful that I got to exist in the same timeline as you.

Photo: Atsushi Sakurai's hand (top) in 2017 from Jin Shirosaki's blog (https://ameblo.jp/shirosaki-jin/entry-12342363953.html)