#i got no tumblr mutuals left on here bro and i miss having friends

[deadonarrival-archive]

Considering remaking my blog for the first time in the six and a half years (!!) that I’ve had it

[chrisbangs]

Hi everyone! Here I am (late as always) but just in time to shower you all with a lil appreciation and love, because after this year, I think we all need it! (Apologies in advance for all the typos I will be making- no I will not proof read this <3)

I just wanted to start off by saying: thank you so much to everyone who has talked to me, become my friend, been kind to me, followed me, supported my content, throughout this year. To anyone who’s ever interacted / complimented / rb’d / liked my gifs and my gfxs, it means the world and I am so grateful and thankful to you. I honestly hit several milestones throughout this year and I just feel so in awe of how many people have supported me. I know 2020 wasn’t kind to many people, but I really did suffer a lot this year, and having people by my side who made me laugh and smile and feel special, made all the difference. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything.

Happy New Year to all my mutuals, followers, and people I follow! Thank you for making this terrible year, not so terrible. 

With all my love, Li / Moon! 🖤🌙🐺

@00hj 🌙 // @2miin // @3noracha 🌙 // @914m // @agibbng // @avocadomin // @bangchans // @banghans 🌙 // @bestiez 🌙 // @binnies 🌙 // @blueprintskz // @binminseok // @changbeanie // @felixies 🌙 // @go-saeng // @hanjin // @huiracha 🌙 // @hwjins // @hyunjins 🌙 // @hyunjinz // @hyunknow // @hyunnie 🌙 // @innielove // @inracha // @jeonginx // @ji-sungs // @jinlix // @jisquish 🌙 // @jypestraykids // @leeknown // @leeminho-s // @leemvnho // @luvknow // @minhos 🌙 // @mydays 🌙 // @ontracc 🌙 // @realstraykids 🌙 // @saintmilky 🌙 // @seoschangbin // @seungminhos 🌙 // @seungminsmile // @strayhags // @straylov 🌙 // @sunnykids // @tightenmydoubleknot // @tuanzie 🌙 // @uayv 🌙 // @wonstal // @yangjeongin // @yangjeonginz 🌙 // @youngke

(If there’s a lil 🌙 by your name, I left a little extra message for you under the cut! Sorry I couldn’t do this for everyone, but please know I love all of you so much and am grateful for the things you bring to my dash!)

@00hj: Karen! Hi angel!!! You’re probably one of my first stay friends which is crazy to me ; __ ; like I really can’t believe it’s already been so long that we’ve known each other... I really just wanted to say that I hope the coming year is warm and kind and good to you because you really deserve it. Thank you for working so hard on straykidsupdate... And you post the loveliest gifs and gfx and are just such a kind soul... You’re such a pillar in this community and I’m so lucky to know and be your friend. Let’s go get some pie some day soon okay? 

@3noracha: Falak! I know I suck at messaging and I’m so sorry for this. I missed your presence on here a lot and I miss all your amazing creations... Just today I saw some of your gfx in my gfx inspo tag and I was just amazed all over again. You’ve always been so kind to me and caring and just such a wonderful friend and I’m beyond grateful to you. I know you’re not as active these days but when you do post stuff it makes me so !!! Like I’m just so grateful to know you!! I hope the coming year will be kind to you!

@banghans: Ollieeeee!!! Hi sweetheart! I know we really only got to know each other this year through the createskz gc, but !! talking to you is so easy and comfortable, and you make me laugh so much. Thank you for always being such a warm person to be around. Everything you make is so lovely please don’t doubt that!! I hope that the coming year we get to talk more and that it treats you well angel! 

@bestiez: Nita ; __ ; Although we’re not really in the same fandoms anymore, you’re still my OG johfam partner in crime. I’m so grateful to have known you as long as I have. You are just one of the kindest, funniest, warmest people I know. Thank you for always coming by and messaging me time to time and making me feel so warm and happy. You’re just a bright ray of sunshine who’s been there for me since so long and I can’t begin to thank you. I hope the new year brings you nothing but happiness and health and good things. 

@binnies: Jem, where do I even begin? I refuse to make this too long or embarrassingly cheesy, because I already do that to you literally every day... But, I’m so so so grateful that we became friends. You made my 2020 so different from how it started. I feel so so so loved because of you. You offer nothing but the kindest of words (except when we’re sleep deprived because then you’re just The Funniest) and I am just so grateful to you. My Twin, My Bangerz Bro (help), My HoneyJem... How lucky I am to have you in my life... You truly helped me get to the other side of 2020 without a doubt in my mind... I feel so lucky that you were there with me... Thank you for everything. I hope the new year is full of love, happiness, and everything you so utterly deserve my babie! 

@felixies: Luna! Hi sweet angel! We’ve known each other a while now huh ; __ ; It feels like it’s already been so long since we became pals, and I just feel so lucky to know you. I know we’ve both been through hell because of stay tumblr (and just in general) but you’re genuinely one of the strongest people I know... You’re so kind and funny and warm and smart and I just feel so lucky to have you in my life as a friend. Thank you for always cheering me on and being so sweet to me. I hope you know how much I love you! I hope you have a wonderful new year angel... You only deserve the best! 

@huiracha: Marie! Hi my sweet angel!!! I know I’ve said it before but, thank you for being such an easy person to talk to and be around. You’re such a comfortable presence who makes me feel safe and comfy to talk to... I think you’re genuinely one of the most talented CCs on here and I’m so lucky to see your gifs and see your work. You’re just so amazing and leave me in awe ; ___ ; Thank you for being so kind to me and always talking with me about SKZ or PTG or Channie... I’m really so lucky to know you and love you! I hope you have a wonderful new year my angel! 

@hyunjins: Hales... The way I don’t even know what to say here except: I love you. I’m so lucky to have you as a friend... You’re truly one of the funniest, best people I’ve come to know in my life. I cannot even begin to explain how much you’ve inspired me and made me feel happy. You’re just such a wonderful person and I am beyond glad we’re pals. Even if our friendship started out as you calling me a furry -___- I wouldn’t have it any other way ; __ ; I am so grateful to you and thankful to you. I love you and hope you have a wonderful new year! I love you!!!

@hyunnie: Kat! My girl! My Dude! One of the most talented stays on this site for real... Everything you make is just loaded with creativity and uniqueness and brilliance- just like you. I can’t tell you how happy I am we became closer this year... Like I feel so happy and lucky to know you and be your friend. You’ve inspired me in so many ways and everything you make is insanely cool. I love you so much Kat!!! I hope you have a wonderful new year and I can’t wait to see what you make next! 

@jisquish: Dia my sweet angel... Happy new year! I hope you know that even if you’re not on much anymore, everytime I see you on my dash my heart lights up a little. I am so glad you were one of my first friends here- even if I didn’t know it at the time. I feel so, so lucky that we’ve stayed friends and that I can talk to you comfortably and easily. You’ve been such a wonderful part of my stayblr experience and I feel like you brighten my life up so much. Thank you so much!! I love you so much!! I hope the coming year is filled with only happiness and good things for you! 

@minhos: Haru!!! Thank you for working so hard for this community. I am so lucky to know you and be your friend, seriously. You’ve made me smile and laugh countless times. Thank you for always just dropping in and checking on me... It truly means a lot to me and makes me feel important and cared for. I love you so much pal! I hope the new year brings you nothing but happiness and love and good things angel. 

@mydays: Moon! Hi sweetheart! I just wanted to say a quick thank you for always being around to talk about Day6 with me and for making me laugh and smile and just for bringing warmth and good things to my dash. Everytime we talk I feel so comfy and happy and lucky to know you. I hope you have a wonderful new year filled with all the good things the universe could bring. Hehe, thank you for always posting moon related content!!! 

@ontracc: Autumn!!! I hope you know how much I appreciate all the lil messages you send me every now and then, just to ask me how I’m doing. It means a lot and I hope you know, I’m grateful! I really hope you know how much I appreciate you and your content and just general presence on the dash and in the dms and in the gc! I’m so lucky to be your pal and I hope the new year brings you happiness and love and all the good things you deserve! 

@realstraykids: Em! ; __ ; First of all, thank you so much for running foryjn with me... I know I have been kinda -___- with updating lately but I’ll be better about it fajiwoefowan... Anyway, you know how much I adore everything you make and I hope you know how much of a giant inspiration you are to me. You’re so creative and talented and friendly and bright and you are just one of the best people I’ve met on here. I just feel so lucky to be your friend and know you and just !!! chat with you! Everytime we talk I’m smiling and feeling happy... I’m so happy we bonded over loving Jeongin... Fr like... Best times!!! Anyway, I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you! Happy new year babie! Thank you for everything you do for stayblr and for me! I love you!!!

@saintmilky: Paige ; __ ; my angel... Thank you for being so sweet to me always. You are just one of those people who makes me smile and laugh so easily... You love frogs and bears and spn and I just feel all these things so deeply in my soul. I keep wanting to message you about SPN and stuff but I get so embarrassed and shy faoweifno... Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful new year and that all the things you deserve come your way!!! Love you my pal!!!

@seungminhos: Bia... My babie... My baba... My soulmate... Where do I even begin... Another year has passed by and so much has happened, and I just don’t know where I’d be without you... There is no doubt in my mind that I am the luckiest person on this earth because I found you and got to be your friend. You’ve made my life a beautiful, bright, fun, endearing place, all through your kindness and love and support. I am so lucky to be your friend and to be able to love you and just to know you... Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me and been with me for, through this year, through every year. Truly, I don’t think I would’ve made it out of 2020 without you running by my side. I don’t know where I’d be without you, but I’m just so glad that you’re here with me now. That you’ve made my life a very, very special place. Happy new year my sweet angel girl. I wish you nothing but the best, and that everything you’re wishing for comes true my love. Let’s keep on going together in 2021, okay? I love you!

@straylov: Nina! Thank you for being such a positive, warm angel. You bring so much happiness and brightness to stayblr, you’re truly irreplaceable. Your talent for gfx and gifs is just crazy. Everything you make is so beautiful and creative and so amazing; I’m just always in awe of everything you do. I hope you have a wonderful new year full of good things and good people! 

@tuanzie: Jo! Although we haven’t talked that often, I just wanted to say thank you for always being so kind to me and supporting the things I make. Not only that but, you make some of the most beautiful and creative things I’ve seen and I’m always excited to see what you make next! I hope you get to achieve all the things you want in the new year and that only good things come your way. You truly deserve the best angel! Happy new year! 

@uayv: Joyce! I miss you and your beautiful work so much. You truly are one of my biggest inspirations as a gfx maker. Everything you make is beautiful, thoughtful, creative, and just amazing. I feel so lucky to be able to see your work as well as be your friend. You’ll be the bread to my soup always ma’am! I love you so much and hope you know! Thank you for being my pal! Happy new year angel! 

@yangjeonginz: June! Bug Boy!!! My sweet lil angel! Happy new year! I know I already told you last night, but thank you for being by my side during this year. I’m so happy we got around to talking more and became so close! You are just such a bright light in my life and I am so lucky to know you and love you! Thank you for always, always, always making me laugh and for listening to me rant about random stuff... I feel so safe and comfortable because of you. You really were a big reason that I survived 2020 and made it to the other side. Without you, I don’t know where I’d be... Thank you so much angel... I hope you have a wonderful new year filled with love and good memories and everything you deserve. 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

hmm here’s me talking about su sort of lmao like i said i’m not here to be particularly scentamentle?? just say funney stories....and some opinions.....it’s really been a hot minute and i haven’t been making Long text posts about things so i can throw one out there even if it’s got no thesis statement

also like i said i just so happened to like, actually watch the first ep on actual tv when it actually premiered....all i super remember knowing about it beforehand was like “oh rebecca sugar getting her own series right on” and i was gonna check it out on that alone and then also i remember before it debuted there was an article about it in the wapo in the sort of “local”-ish section b/c it was like. hey this is based in uh yknow the dmv....delmarva area.....this whole Region.....and i (from nova and in nova at that time, and flipping thru the print wapo every day) was like haha. neat. also god damn it was 2013, hell of a year. i can tell you little about it b/c it was so crappy i just like did not bother much with things like “distinct memories” lmfao. great to have like, a weekly thing towards the end of that hot mess (november??? or smthing??) back when....god........it aired weekly.........anyways yeah i was pleasantly surprised from the start i don’t Get when people are like “can’t watch this in order :/ the first few eps don’t sell it well” like okay speak for yourself god dman....more on that later i’m sure lmfao. hot takes

my brother started watching it too just cuz he’s game for shit that way and i was keeping up with it. like i remember i thought cheeseburger backpack was extra fun and i think i showed him a rerun and i remember he thought it was funny lol the Raft Gag......and when i was watching tiger millionaire i kept For Real Laughing and he came over like what is going on.....and i think he was signed on from there........again pretty fun for it to be this weekly thing. also maybe i’m not here to be Sentamental but i was also like “oh no that Spoke to my feelings unexpected :(” during tiger millionaire when amethyst was all “you can’t let anyone make you feel like garbage” and “i only feel how i wanna feel” like guess who was in the early stages of “my self esteem is so crappy it’s starting to circle around into [trying to increase self esteem]”.........like i said hell of a time. though then that’d be 2014 by then i think?? still a hell of a time

started to get “i think i will draw the same character one million times” about it at some point in 2014 too lmfao......every instance of [me drawing the same shit one million times], which is the only way i ever draw anything, then like, benefits whatever i draw later cuz like. sure get some practice out of it. and even though like, it wasn’t quite as huge an Internet Thing as it was gonna get once i started to draw shit, it was already like, classic-me Kinda Niche to be like “hey gang who is going ham about the bored dumbass teens”....not so niche that there weren’t other people going “yeah i am” at any given time tho. and then we put our hands in the middle and go Yeah!! and jump up hsm style. it was also a great time for something Fun and (easier than marble hornets lol) to draw b/c. it simply was a good time for it.....struggling to draw shit back then even more than is like, usual. oh and also i forget but i had sort of Withdrawn from the mh fanbase b/c it got this whole influx of randos after fjsfdking the Video Game we all know the one and i was like. i am gonna.....sidle over here. nobody Likes to be in a fandom actually lmfao. and i mean even while su was getting to be A Whole Thing i was like. bro i am over here in the Donuts section and it is a little quieter and i use the tag sometimes but i’m all set, thanks. still the least Niche niche i’ve been in probably lmfao....see: the fact that probably still way most of my followers are here from su times even tho idk who’s even active still

also had a high time making some great Long Text Posts. i kind of always fail 2 grasp that even as much as my drawings that stuff leads to me actually getting to interact with people, b/c like, those text posts have me actually saying Words in them, which helps lmfao..........i think it’s like, these posts are probably Not That Fun for most people, but then for the people who Are like “oh sweet this is something that i actually want,” that’s obviously a helpful way to find a kindred spirit lmao.....like hey cool you already know i can’t shut up and am opinionated and obviously a lil much? fantastic let’s do this. plus idk it’s fun to Not Shut Up Actually. like, not the biggest deal. ppl can just Scroll Past. or not

speaking of “getting practice Not Shutting Up and Drawing Shit”.......hilarious when in late 2018 i find myself like. oh so you’re telling me this excellent character who is a self-sabotaging struggling-to-know-how-to-cope-with-shit-and-connect-with-others insecure af Teen is not appreciated / ignored / deemed Awful (and then ignored) by the majority of the fanbase?????? hahaha you don’t say....but No Problem. let me just talk about how this person has Complexity actually and is a lot more sympathetic than not and i hate all of you omg like do we have to do all of this ourselves lmfao........guess so, Fine

what am i talking about funny stories who is this funny to lmfao. okay no but okayyy what an experience when the island adventure preview came out and for like the next 4 days i did not experience depression lmao........i Jumped on the opportunity b/c it was like, early fall i wanna say??? i think sept?? 2014 and i was kinda mulling over going to gmx (which was this convention the Marble Hornets gang kept getting invited to & i’d been 2 twice b4 but missed the previous yr coz it was 2013 and i was way not thriving) and yeah jumped on the “depression / (as much) anxiety who???” superpower to Ask if it was cool if i went to a friend’s wedding in georgia for a weekend. there was no friend’s wedding in georgia. and then i went to gmx AND. ironically (not really im sure. idk what irony means and idc) gmx weekend ended up being the same weekend island adventure actually aired and when i left that morning (gmx being in nashville) my lil bro (getting up for school) was like GO GO and i actually made it in time to catch it in the hotel room but. they didn’t have the channel despite it being listed on the channel guide. i about flipped lmfao but i did see it later that weekend and flipped again. gmx was an a-okay time as well lmao that was the last time i made it

they may have never sold a licensed Lars S1 Green/Purple Snake Tee but look when i have this green racerback with a neat snake print & this necklace of purple quartz crystals and also when i was at gmx i bought this necklace with one (non purple, non actual crystals but plastic shaped like it / glossed) pendant In The Spirit Of It All and it gets compliments. anyways the point is. indirectly representing

speaking of crystals = lars i’d just like to reiterate that i’m always right. like sure i was like “look i don’t know how lars could have Crystal Magic in him but something is up with the fact he’s = pink magic flowers with crystals inside them Means Something.” i think it’s reasonable to Not have predicted he dies and gets revived w/ crystal magic that’s in him now. but that’s still a Win for realizing somethings up....tfw as early as like s2 times i’d be like “well the donuts gotta get involved in the center of adventure at Some point and also i Know it is important that steven is just lars’s rly annoying little brother and y/n do you think lars would die to protect him i think he would...” like. i didn’t wanna be That right :/

tfw me and my brother were watching rose’s scabbard while my mom was napping it out in the armchair and like silently Sharing A Look at the whole “she was beautiful” thing like. lol harold

i still don’t know how much of a Thing(tm) magfest is but as far as i can figure it it’s No Comic Con (like, thank god :| ) but still kind of a thing. anyways i learned of it cuz i saw there was gonna be a couple su panel thingies & i looked it up & we were less than an hour away and so it was like midnight but i ask my brother like hey wanna swing by this thing on this one friday. and he was like Sure. so i made it happen and he was 17 so we had to drag our dad to the bank to Notarize a form that he was allowed to be there accompanied by me. it was a big place and it also took us a while to find Registration or whatever and when we tried getting sandwiches later it cost like $7 each go figure. anyways but we were just there for the one Event & there was a room like filled with arcade games and a bunch of other consoles (also Retro though. like old computers n stuff) and they had Galaga, thank fucking god. we 2 playered that shit and wandered around and also 2 playered a game called toobin, which was funny. real gamers know. 

when we were in the (pretty long) Line to get into the Panel, i actually like. spotted a then-mutual who i (was pretty sure i) recognized from her occasional selfie lol and who i guess had travelled all the way from the west coast for the weekend. when we were actually Seated she happened to be a couple rows back and both of us on the end of the aisle and i asked my brother if he could read her nametag (to verify lol) and i bopped over to have the cringe and fail exchange of “hey do you have a Tumblr” and then i was like “haha i’m milo i’m ummmwine” and she got up to hug me and then i had to scamper back to my seat cuz shit was starting lol

like my life was not changed by this event but we had fun and. the Hilarious story is that it was also partially a Q&A and i had a Q and my brother encouraged me by again whispering “go go” as soon as the first syllable was spoken implying Line up For Questions.....i was in like, the last idk, haaalf dozen or so ppl who made it to the mic? and look i knew i was gonna be asking a niche question that like 3 other people of the hundreds in the room would care about but So What. deal with it gang, let’s have some Variety. but i was still nervous. and when i’m nervous, i a) Have A Script and b) get even chattier. and right after the person Right In Front Of Me got their answer, i guess it was noticed that it was getting down to the wire so they were like “haha okay lightning round :)” and i was like NO.......GOD..........lmfao like too late im sorry i Can’t make it lightning round. i was muy anxious.....just that, again, hundreds of people there, i have the floor, nobody’s gonna Like my quastion......and they didn’t know the answer (which i figured was v possible lol) so i was like oh no sklfjd hope this entire room doesn’t hate me. i mean of course i didn’t care if they did too much but, Nerves....also im valid, but were the like half dozen people who asked prior to me about shit that would CLEARLY be too spoilery to answer valid????? no lmfao. cmon. that’s what’s Really cringe

well here we ffw a bit b/c Mid To Late 2015 is certainly a time for me and it doesn’t really make for an interesting story so just to tldr it lmao like, got some beautiful moral support from someone as i was makin a Lifestyle Change lol and continued to get beautiful moral support from that same person and i continue to benefit from it....You know who you are!!!! tyvvm....and it occurred to me that the reason i am where i physically am is via someone i met thru su-posting.......which is true of the You Know who you are person too, which is why i brought it up lmao

uhh god not as many Stories after that lol.....def got to engage in “i’m ___ i’m gonna [draw the same character i always draw] so i won’t be so ___” during interesting times lol. love that for me

tbh the uh. Wanted arc was truly one of the best Serial Arcs, just dramatic & solid af and also it’s lars time and for a second i go “god well at least maybe now ppl will acknowledge lars is a gr8 character” and then a second later i go “Oh No they’ll only say he’s a good character *Now*” and that’s exactly what happened lmfao but well we still got as much lars fanart as we ever got outside that couple weeks aftermath... l o l . . . i had to wait One Zillion Years for my little brother to catch up to this b/c. he was watching via hulu i think where like, a full season would come out a good while after the finale. seriously i think it took him almost 2 years. im like dammit lmfao this is What Matters dfslk....fond memories when hulu was free / no login req’d / shit would be available like the day after airing

uhhhHHH crazy how this show muscled through the weird scheduling change where it was like “no weekly eps Only Erratic Hiatuses”......ppl were so foolishly Into the first “5 eps in a row” release and i was like “no i don’t like this” and then a year later i was like “you see. You See.” rip

i think we can even ffw to sutm at that point lol....im like im in this for lars okay lmfao kinda Shrugggg @ things by this point lol like finale shminale. where’s he at. and i really wasn’t paying a world of attention to like, prior-to-release lore n announcements so i was just plunged into this chaos of like sorry???? excuse me?? of all the people in the world sarah stiles?????? lfsdj like noooo don’t show me these tweets lmfao......truly it’s fine i’m being Hilarious but it’s also very real that like, when i see things like “showtime(tm)” or “SHO” or “billions content” i’m just doused with Dread b/c i hate this series lmao i swear to christ. but it’s really Fine lmfao like. i was kinda “eh :/” to “yea this is alright” about the rest of it but spinel was The Highlight lmfao and having $50 to go ham on her animation was great but really the voice acting Made It.....like the entire takeaways was uh the other friends sequence and fuckin uhh this part. fuck it up ms. stiles........hit it out of the park..........cain was the first funny bitch and spinel was the second. that thought just came to me and i will not elaborate. call that a revelation. oh and also it was a relief cuz i was like “i s2g if this Antagonist is like, aquamarine-style annoying af....i will die” but No. spinel is annoying af in another way which is her rights and i don’t want to die about it lmfao. she’s good.......i don’t even resent the “how come whenever some rando shows up ready to literally kill everyone for no good reason, all of you are ready to be like ‘wow an icon’ and we can’t have 10% of that energy for the teen who’s kinda bitchy b/c he’s annoyed by life and crap???” thing b/c i mean, she had her whole Arc all at once and also is good enough for it i think. the nadir was when the one rando shows up for like One episode like “i Don’t want to kill everyone :3 syke >:)” and for some reason people were like “omg iconic. call them on their ‘don’t kill everyone’ bullshit” like lol i hate you guys

well i like lars’s [last outfit we see him in] and i feel like it only backs up the bi agenda. another epic gamer moment had been when it became a Popular Hc that lars is trans b/c he is lmao. and everyone was all “why is everyone sayign this why would you want him to be trans he sucks” like get good grandma!!!!!!!! it’s too late. well that’s the end of my post. me in 2014 being like “wow way to have something to keep up with b/c now i have to outlive it to get all the dnads content i guess” and here i am. but it’s almost April 2020 so. haha 

hmm what’s a less ominous ending. oh shit another thing that was funny is i was like So about these Skull Plugs featured in this semi-official drawing of lars once and then horror club came out (fun b/c i like horror) and had the skull plugs for Real & they were glow in the dark. that was a big day for me even seeing the promos lmfao. except then i guess it was foreshadowing, so again i end this with Death. don’t we all

wait no lsfdjs What tf was matthew moy talking about “i like your hair.” dude dropping an i-guess cut line on us lmfao. alright alright im done

[laughingpinecone]

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I am laughingpineapple on AO3

It’s a long list of character combos so the specific requests aren’t overly detailed, please draw at will from my general likes and general fandom likes in addition or as an alternative to any of those!

All requests are art or fic - for art, the stuff I like is the kind that depicts the characters doing something. I’ll always be happier with a very simple drawing of two characters walking together or sharing a cup of coffee than with an ambitious composition that looks like an Avengers poster. I also enjoy seeing them wear different clothes, getting a feel of what their fashion sense is like beyond their canon outfit(s).

Likes: worldbuilding, slice of life (especially if the event the fic focuses on is made up but canon-specific), missing moments, 5+1 and similar formats, bonding and emotional support/intimacy, physical intimacy, lingering touches, loyalty, casefic, surrealism, magical realism, established relationships, future fic, hurt/comfort or just comfort from the ample canon hurt, throwing characters into non-canon environments, banter, functional relationships between dysfunctional individuals, unexplained mysteries, bittersweet moods, journal/epistolary fic, dreams and memories and identities, canon-adjacent tropey plots, outsider POV, UST, resolved UST, exploration of secondary bits of canon, leaning on the uniqueness of the canon setting/mood, found families, characters reuniting after a long and/or harrowing time, friends-to-lovers, road trips, maps, mutual pining, cuddling, wintry moods, the feeling of flannel and other fabrics, ridiculous concepts played straight, sensory details, sickfic, places being haunted, people being haunted, the mystery of the woods, small hopes in bleak worlds, electricity, places that don’t quite add up, mismatched memories, caves and deep places, distant city lights at night, emphasis on non-human traits of non-human characters (gen-wise, but also a hearty yes xeno for applicable ships)

Cool with: any tense, any pov, any rating, plotty, not plotty, IF, nerdy canon references, unrequested characters popping up

DNW: non-canonical rape, non-canonical children, focus on children, unrequested ships (background established canon couples are okay, mentions of parents are okay), canon retellings, consent issues

Dark Souls

I’m only familiar with the first game+DLC! It’s probably relevant to mention that I think that linking the fire is kind of a dumbass move and Gwyn is an ass, but on the other hand Kaathe has his own agenda and there’s no winning move in this world, or at least no obvious one. Feel free to deviate from anyone’s canon endings, to make things happen that’ll stave off their hollowing. I am interested in any of these people meeting and possibly striking up a friendship, and also in exploring Lordran’s temporal/dimensional fuckery, where it’s possible to meet people who have been gone for ages…

Group: Solaire of Astora & Siegmeyer of Catarina: so much fanart of Sun Bro & Onion Bro being bros, so little fic. And yet, the potential! How’d they bounce off each other, what about the fact that Siegmeyer is apparently a proper Catarina knight after all while Solaire just painted his self-made insignia and left, what would Sieg think of Solaire’s quest?

Group: Alvina the Cat & Sieglinde of Catarina: dunno, kitty. I love them both and I want everyone cool to go on adventure with each other. What’s left for Alvina now that Sif is gone, Artorias’ grave desecrated? For her part, did Sieglinde, you know, (mimics Ash Lake)?

Ghost Trick

I am very interested in various characters finding about the erased timeline, but not getting their memories back, and having to live with being told about what they did but never remembering it. Exploring the ghost lore is great. All what-ifs welcome (what if they managed an acceptable happy ending but didn’t reset the timeline, what if a different party went back to the past and kept their memories, what if Alma’s ghost stuck around…) Also open to AUs here, especially for generic fantasy or sci-fi settings or the Final Fantasy ones I prompted last Yuletide.

For the non-canon sides of Jowd/Alma/Cabanela, please no infidelity? I’d be good with either setting the fic during the game timeline or some what-if thereof when the other spouse is dead or unavailable, or simply keeping them offscreen and not mentioning them (eg Alma/Cabanela beach day, Jowd/Cabanela precinct shenanigans)

For Jowd in general, I do love my big boy and enjoy milking that size difference for all it’s worth. In gen contexts too, it’s neat. him big.

Group: Jowd & Yomiel: I’d love to read about the intimate understanding that comes from their shared memories and the horrors they’ve mutually forgiven (and a penchant for morbidity they’ve gained from such horrors probably). Cat dads things welcome.

Group: Alma/Jowd/Cabanela: maybe once Alma and Jowd have figured out he’s smitten and that they do in fact reciprocate... they tease him to death, slowly and deliberately? Is it even a Jowd romance if there’s not an exhausting amount of teasing involved, I ask?

Group: Alma/Jowd & Cabanela: Cabs’ life is wild; his best friends’ home is a safe haven...

Group: Emma & Pigeon Man: Emma’s unsuspected beta reader...

Group: Alma/Cabanela: (taps mic) legs. And fashion!

Group: Cabanela/Jowd: a recent tumblr post made a convincing argument for Cabs liking to be in charge (the argument is just pointing at Cabanela, honestly). Jowd is... agreeable, by his own admission. But is it that simple?

Kentucky Route Zero

I love the ending and I’d love to see its themes and setting explored. I’m all for exploration of any of the game’s themes and for including any staples from adjacent genres - wanna go full-on American Gothic? Dip into surrealism? Take a leaf from Twin Peaks with tulpa / split narratives to explore the characters’ issues? I love AUs so that’s an option too. Or of course there’s Xanadu at the height of its glory, an infinite what-ifs generator. Were the requested characters part of it, what were their digital counterparts up to? A Xanadu narrative would be great! I’d also love to hear about any new spot along the Zero or the Echo river, or an expansion of some place that’s only mentioned by Will in HATATE or only gets a few paragraphs of text. Mostly, I just love all these characters so much and I’m going through the tagset’s options like a hyperactive cat. Any fragment of their lives will make me happy.

Group: Shannon Márquez & Conway & Conway's Dog: does Shannon get to see them after the ending? Even for a moment?

Group: Lula Chamberlain/Joseph Wheattree/Donald: so Lula went back to Mexico. Joseph is pensive. Did the events of the night shake up Donald, or what will it take?

Group: Junebug & Lula Chamberlain: artists! Outspoken... artists... with a complicated personality. Put them in the same room and...?

Group: Junebug & Johnny: where’s the strangest place they played in, and what did Johnny find there?

Group: Conway & Johnny & Junebug (Kentucky Route Zero): their story is about finding individuality, his is about succumbing and losing it. Would any of them pick up on this mid-Act IV? Or just... talking about limbs and stuff?

Group: Cate & Will & Shannon Márquez (Kentucky Route Zero): a few months later, Shannon finds herself on the Mucky Mammoth again...

Group: Carrington & Weaver Márquez & Shannon Márquez (Kentucky Route Zero): maybe the cousins were trying to bond or reminisce or whatever and Carrington dive-bombed into the conversation, but in the end it was an enriching experience... of sorts?

Group: Carrington & Lula Chamberlain (Kentucky Route Zero): I don’t usually look for college shenanigans but this may be the exception? Or Art Opinions?

Group: Carrington & Clara (Kentucky Route Zero): would she even... get a word in? Maybe with the right topic?

Group: Carrington & Cate & Will (Kentucky Route Zero): Mammoth life! ...what does theater have to say about mushrooms again?

Group: Shannon Marquez & Weaver Marquez (Kentucky Route Zero): at the end of it all, Weaver was waiting. After this end, they can stand side by side again...

Group: Emily & Ben & Bob (Kentucky Route Zero): so what does it mean, like, poetically, that they were temporally displaced and Act I is in their future from Act V? Is it possible they were not aware of it?

Mutazione

The island, the sense of community, newcomers joining the community, gardens and music... I love the mood of this little game. Got ideas for some part of the island we haven’t seen? What stories do they tell each other about Moon Dragon and the first days of the new life it brought? The plants encyclopaedia was great - do Yoké’s archives hide some other cool tome? Please, if Graubert is mentioned, I would much prefer a sympathetic portrayal - he’s got his issues but I felt that the game was much harder on him than anyone else.

Group: Yoké & Karoo: I love the friendship between Yoké and Nonno and filtering it through Karoo feels even cooler to me. When did the big spooky bird first visit, did Yoké know or perceive what was going on?

Group: Yoké & Claire: book club book club book club!

Group: Spike/Claire: they’re so cute! Dinner at Mori’s? Swimming together?

Group: Nonno & Spike: I love Nonno’s role in the community and Spike’s role in the community, and they’re the two people who landed there and decided to stay. Could they bond over this?

Group: Dennis & Nonno: Important Tree Health Business!

Group: Bopek & Jell-A: Jell-A is the absolute coolest and Bopek grew on me a lot. Their friendship is adorable! What could they do together? As a side note, Jell-A’s place has the tightest interior decor in the whole game. How’d that happen, and does Bopek get a flair for vintage shapes and volumes in his weaving?

Group: Mori & Nonno & Yoké: FRIENDS. Friends for a long time, through so much pain. An evening together while The Youths (tm) are at Spike’s bar?

Yoké: catch-all Yoké request because he’s my fave! Doing Yoké things, being a big nerd, caring for books and plants and stuff

Pyre

The burning found family feelings, the revolutionary passion, the tension between topside social constraints and the kind of freedom allowed by the Downside! Thoughts about finding oneself at  the end of an age, as everything crumbles down to form something new. I love all the themes, the solemnity, the heart of this game. I adore everyone in that Blackwagon+Dalbert+Celeste, so if you want to add a Nightwing or two to any prompt, please do! I also love all the Scribes and find Erisa a compelling tragic figure. Out of the other triumvirates, I’m “love to hate them” for Manley, Brighton, Udmildhe and Deluge and would not like to see them featured in sympathetic roles. My main interest usually lies in post-canon exploration when applicable, but I’m also into various adventures during canon. Pick a location or a place outside the map and see what happens? As for the ending variables, I’d ask for a peaceful revolution and Oralech alive, but no preferences for who’s up and who’s down, pick whatever works best for any given plot bunny.

Group: Tariq & Soliam: what were Tariq and Celeste like in their earliest days? Were they made or summoned from some sort of preexisting star consciousness? They’re wildly different scenarios! I’m good with either. Does Soliam then see Tariq as a child of sorts, someone he made, or something greater than himself? Did he mean to do that, to have these two immortals around? What does Tariq learn from the First Scribe?

Group: Tariq & Dalbert Oldheart: Any excuse for Tariq to hang out with the Fates for a little while, and treasure and be treasured by dear Dalbert...

Group: Oralech & Vagabond Girl: after all is said and done, Oralech’s view of the Scribes is probably... understandably... dire. So of course I want to see him talk it out with ae!

Group: Celeste & Ignarius: look, listen, if the various triumvirates just camped out near their respective Scribe’s place during the Nightwings’ years-long absence (not the only possible explanation for how you find them all neatly lined up before the first lib rite, but an explanation nonetheless, I think. just let me have my crack), that means Iggy was Celeste’s neighbor for a long time. Neighborly hijinks please?

Group: Bertrude/Pamitha: Pam returning from her travels, again and again, and finding a home in Bertrude’s lab, finding an understanding there... Bertrude’s attitude being thorny in a way that’s just what Pam needs to allow herself to open up... also: snake kisses.

Group: Volfred Sandalwood/Oralech: waking up and remembering that the mourning that’s set deep in your roots is for someone who never died, waking up and remembering that the bitterness that consumed you had made up a betrayal that never was, finding each other through these crumbling walls... 

Molten Milithe: that’s the pov for a love letter to the Downside, right? And/or which Scribe did she bond with the most? Or the least for that matter?

Volfred Sandalwood: catch-all Volf’n’anyone request. I want to see our tree interact with any friend and foe you might fancy! Arguing for his beliefs, being a history professor through and through, finding himself in a tight spot and getting unexpected help, verbally tearing Brighton a new one if they ever cross each other’s path again...

group: Volfred Sandalwood/Tariq | The Lone Minstrel: Volfred’s zodiac sign is Cancer and Cancer is ruled by the Moon, so there’s that.    I love how they both hold the other in the highest esteem, especially on Tariq’s part since he’s the immortal Herald of the Scribes and Volfred is, all in all, a history teacher, but listen to him and you’d think the roles were inverted. I love my nonviolent canon but could anything happen to either of them that may require a rescue, and/or some good old-fashioned h/c? What’s something that could make Tariq of all people lose it? How’s life 100 years on?

Shenmue

This game cares for the little things. I’d love to see fanworks that try to out-slice-of-life canon...

Group: Qiu Hsu & Xianzi Bei: cormorant kung fu adventure! Do they hang out sometimes?

Group: Hazuki Ryo & Shenhua Ling: any moment, discussion, small adventure from their travels together! I love their bond! For all its waifufication of Shenhua, S3 really sold me on their friendship and a shared brand of dorkiness. Alternatively, sometimes I remember that they’d be 50ish in the present day - how and where do you picture them?

The Silver Case

I‘m all for the surrealism, big things being introduced and never picked up again, Rashomon’ing it up with six explanations for the same thing where no single one can be true, people dying and then popping up again like nbd...  maybe the thing I like the most is characters transcending their humanity and looming over the dystopian world like ominous avatars. Correctness’ first ending had me swooning, that kind of mood is unparalleled. I have played TSC, FSR and 25W so far and have vague memories of K7. I’m aware of the “everything’s connected” readings but that’s not my main interest in these games. For FSR-focused requests, I see Lospass as a real island but also a metaphysical  place of transformation first and foremost, where strange things happen that don’t make sense elsewhere.

Group: Toriko Kusabi & Remy Fawzil: What’s Toriko up to when she’s not chasing Chris? I think it could be fun to throw her at Remy and see the island from their point of view!

Group: Tokio Morishima & Edo Macalister: since Tokio stayed at the Flower Sun and Rain... I’m interested in peculiar happenings on Lospass that are not centered on Sumio...

Group: Tetsugorou Kusabi/Sumio Kodai: Tetsu picked one hell of a crush, huh! What’s it like in the aftermath of the games, when Sumio is Like That? How does Tetsu grapple with Parade? Is Tetsu an anchor of sorts for Correctness Sumio, who seems (at best) to be existing on a slightly different plane of existence at any given time and could disappear if you blink too hard?

Group: Tetsugorou Kusabi & Shinko Kuroyanagi: I’m joining the “let these two be foulmouthed friends” masses - who’d be more fed up with the other’s nonsense, and in which ways would they be an unstoppable team?

Group: Shinkai Tsuki & Tetsugorou Kusabi: Both of them end their stories in the shadows one way or another, and defending their protégé may have had a hand in their misfortune one way or another. What kind of understanding could they reach? What IS Tsuki up to anyway?

Group: Christina & Catherine: anthro Catherine, as per the Placebo bonus chapter Yami, was unexpectedly charming. What was Chris before reaching Lospass, and did he also have a chat with her on the plane or on the island?

[chiseki]

Figured I’d make this an intro post, since I’m pretty much using this alternate url as an “out” url compared to my usual vagueness.

I’m Joshua. Yes, that matches the sidebar, so it’s not really surprising here.

And that would surprise an entire two people following my main blog that know me irl because the rest were previously informed. Maybe three people, I forget if the last one is on tumblr or not.

Which is, by the way, ““““““““fun”““““““““

Yup, having like three local friend circles that had relations to each other outside of myself, and only one of them being in the know is fun.

You can basically stop reading at this point, because from here on out is just gonna be a massive time rewind to.....jeez, fuck if I know when, my childhood? I promise there will be time skips, we don’t need that mess played at normal tempo. (Also some funny stories after the giant gap in the text, if you want to scroll for that).

Most of this story is actually located in college, but the only real indicator (aside from having a general dislike of dresses) was way back when I was in all of second grade--apparently I was so damn insulted I burned all these facts into my memory--and an older kid was brought into the classroom, gave us this cool sales pitch about do we want to learn to shoot a bow, go camping, build campfires, etc

and then was like “OH YEAH THIS IS THE BOY SCOUTS IT’S BOYS ONLY”

I was so hyped lol.

Wound up being in a mediocre girl scout troop later, and my brother obviously got directed into boy scouts. At which point I got to find out that their camping trips were mostly getting rained on and finding black windows and getting taught woodworking by a dude missing a chunk of finger.

So more suffering than child me would have expected, but they still got to build fires and go REAL camping and shoot bows and rifles and shit.

Meanwhile, in girl scouts, we went to this one set of cabins every year. We never stayed in the damn cabins, because someone would find A Bug in there, or a spider, and then someone ELSE would have the same issue, and no one wanted to be in a cabin alone let alone be the only one in the cabins at all, and we always wound up sleeping in the air conditioned lodge that was visible from the damn cabins.

Except the one year where we went to a different camp, stayed in the legendary caboose, and there was a bat sleeping on the outside of the window so no one wanted to sleep there except me.

My scout group was weak.

I miss the cookies, though.

Anyway, due to not being forced into gender-targeted toys and getting to play with whatever the fuck I wanted, I also have jack shit for anything resembling an early warning sign aside from the above.

Actually, scratch that, I was not really a fan of dresses. I mean, this was fair in general, since they were usually scratchy, didn’t fit my arms/shoulders right, were designs I had no say in, and everyone would get on my case if the dress might get even a LITTLE dirty. Had some skirts I liked in middle school, but even that was a mess of having to wear tights because my genes have never resulted in anything resembling a thigh gap.

And I was like, constantly trying to play with the guys in grade school. And they’d periodically get that “NYEHHHHHHH GUYS ONLYYYYYY” shit going on. That was never not infuriating tbh.

Flash forward to high school, still basically left to my own devices. Only indicator here was that I was just tickled fucking pink whenever I heard that I either passed at cons or was at least tossed in the “maybe.......?” zone.

Flash forward to college. I honestly don’t remember what set me off on thinking about it, but started eyeballing my gender with a microscope. Unfortunately I couldn’t apply a litmus test like sexuality, so there was a lot of “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfuck” going on.

Actually, I think part of it was that on the forum I hung out on, a lot of the old regulars had assumed I was a dude until a childhood friend had dropped a pronoun several times in succession & asserted its correctness, which then led to a discussion along the lines of “whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat”.

But yeah, started testing the waters.

Also tried going to a LGBT+ club like, once. With the gal I was either dating at the time or was about to be dating, my memory is shit tbh. “HEY SO HOW ABOUT WE ALL JUST COME OUT TO EACH OTHER, A BUNCH OF STRANGERS <33333333″ still freaks me out, honestly. I get why it’s generally done, but like, no thanks. But I was horrendously obvious in ducking about the gender question and she totally called me out on it later in private lol. Also got me my first binder, but I digress.

Anyway, basically spilled on “I’m.....probably..............? a dude...........? jsyk??????” to my immediate friends, which was met with a lot of “.....YEAH ACTUALLY THAT MAKES SENSE” and a “hang on I need a dictionary........ok I get it”

I think I was the least smooth part of anything resembling a coming-out just due to like, me not wanting to have to tell people to do things for me? It’s something I find extremely awkward, like I know it’s that horribly stereotypical dating thing of “what’s wrong, bby, what do I have to do” “I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO” but.

And that’s an entire digression about how my relationship with my mother often included me saying a lot of shit I had to say convincingly, but didn’t mean at all, and probably led to me having fuckall faith in what people say, most especially when under a forced prompt. I could do an essay on that, but not here.

Which, admittedly, I’m gonna rewind here because I think it’s funny in hindsight, but it means the dictionary reaction went like “SO...........I’M.............TRANS?” “What?” [thinking this is pushback on the idea] [PANIC MODE] “UH” “Like, literally, what does that word mean, I've never heard it in my life.” “OH. WELL. Heh. Uh. That internal reaction I had was embarrassing then, oops.”

Anyway.

Then the collective action was, “well, have you picked a name what do you MEAN you haven’t picked a name, we can’t just run about calling you by your deadname after all that”

And I tossed some names out, that I’m not going to list, because they were just fucking awful. So I got interventioned and the method became throwing names at me until they stuck.

Adam? Nah I knew an Adam and I can’t unassociate with that

Noah? Violin teacher’s third kid was named Noah. Same issue with Gabriel and Caleb.

Benjamin? I fucking grew up with a Benjamin he would kill me.

you get the idea.

And those were like, actual reasonable rejections. At least half the time I was just like “I DON’T LIKE HOW IT SOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNDS.” Take, for example, Josh. I 1) knew one in high school and he was a piece of work and 2) I just, inexplicably, don’t like how the word sounds.

Which is part irony and part masochism that JoshUA stuck.

I mean, that name had pre-existing connotations for me. I had played..........a game.........in high school. And given that my options were pretty shafted to Stereotypical White Boy Names if I didn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb, some positive(?) pre-existing connotations were going to be needed.

Incidentally, I had a v. sweet trans girl offer me her deadname, which was a cool name, but just, like, didn’t fit me in particular so. She also picked her name by RNG tournament, with the top 10 baby names for her year being the competitors. Which was neat and worked well for her, but I know I would have just re-run the fucking tourney if I didn’t like the winner lol.

But anyway, continuing on to a less flowery story. I’ll add some blank lines so it’s skippable. No need to set off every other person with gender issues here.

Decided to come out to my family. Apparently time fuzzed down my memories of being devoured by mosquitos outside while my parents were trying to decipher that their kid was holding hands with a girl in the back of the van and that girl had been planned to sleep over that night, and despite the fact that booth teens wouldn’t be jumping to sex that fast nor had the equipment to make a kid between them....it was Reason For Concern like a straight couple sharing a bed.

I mean, my mom was convinced that anything touching the nether regions was SEX and PREMARITAL SEX was EVIL. But I digress.....again.

So. I tell them. And the reaction ranged from “well ok I mean you’ve always been weird” (thanks, bro) to “uh I guess my last name’s odds of getting inherited just doubled........?” to “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME”

Yeah. That last one was word for word. Some stuff was thrown, lots of crying (”I CAN’T EVEN DO MY MAKEUP AND IT’S YOUR FAULT”)--both of which were not my doing, though I got shocked(?) into my own set of tears iirc.

I think I set a speed record for climbing back into the closet. Like, a week later, everyone was pretending it never happened. I sorta emotionally cut ties with my mom at that point--kept it civil, but Did Not Want to discuss my life or friends at all with her or in any way that would get back to her.

So obviously, no one in my family knows I go by Joshua. If they asked, I would tell them, but lo and behold, zero questions, they never brought it up again, etc. And I’ve been very careful about not letting that knowledge spread, not putting it on the internet in a way that connects back to my legal name, being primed at any point to pretend “Joshua” is a mutual friend and to not respond to that name if someone accidentally calls me by it.

Incidentally, during Yet Another Family Counseling that was at least performed at an individual level this time, my mom apparently told the counselor that she thought she handled that well. Last I checked, making the situation about yourself and doing the whole “woe is me, the mother, with a child like this” shpeal was not “well”.

And I mean the WHOLE shpeal. If you’ve ever had the misfortune to see the posts by parents of trans kids that wax soliloquy about losing their child and mourning their “death” (especially the ones that aren’t all “but I got a new kid!”) like, the ones especially cut from the same cloth that would be like “my child is autistic but ~I~ am the inspiration for waking up in the morning” like no, your kid is the inspiration for dealing with you.

And if anyone is wondering, this is basically the Midwest Stereotype for....LGBT, interracial dating, etc rejection imo. Seemingly ok with it, but NO WAIT HANG ON, NOT MY CHILD. Like, I legit had trans kids explained to me (albeit without terms for it) at a relatively young age by my mother and yet. “X exists but not in our good christian neighborhood” attitude. Ugh.

So where was I? Hmm, yes, funny Joshua stories. Ok I have like ONE story. One of my friends that was in the know finally got me to play Trails in the Sky. Now, this sucker has a chunk of text lead-in with a ~mysterious~ boy that young Estelle’s father has brought home, and the whole discussion skips his name, ending on “my name is....”. Then it time-skips to present day, finally casually dropping this dude’s name, which, obviously, is Joshua.

My friend did not tell me this.

No warning, nada. Only Estelle had really come up in conversation.

And then we collectively dragged another friend into the abyss with us, except he wasn’t in the know. We also had him streaming his playing sessions when our schedules coincided, which led to--because of a shitty accuracy stat--him yelling (as we did) “JOSHUA!” frequently in combat.

I debated on just responding “Yes?” randomly one day in the most casual closet-exit possible. Then procrastinated by deciding to just be out with it at the end of the first game since he’d also played twewy.

Some of you have probably started to eye my avatars with judgement in your hearts. That’s fair.

Anyway, we had forgotten about another character that practically had his name, so at least I had someone to share my weird feelings with.

And then, he started the second game, and I didn’t hold back on responding “yes?” every time “Joshua” was used as an interjection.

Also because of that one post about biblical names, I will respond to any use of “Jesus”.

[getwebbed-a]

i’ve .... i’ve literally been here for like a month ; and there’s 9 0 0 + of you now ??? ngl, it’s really fuckin’ overwhelming. there’s this pressure to portray peter well & all that, & i get anxious every once in a while, but other than that, this is wild !!! everybody came here for one reason or another — i can’t speak for all of you — but this is just absolutely insane. oddly incredible, but insane. i never thought i’d reach monumental milestones like this on an RP blog, but man, here i am. lmao. everybody here loves their characters so much, and everybody i follow are just lovely, supportive folks ? like THANK YOU for being kind, decent human beings. i never feel like i don’t want to be on tumblr bc of the people i follow or the things i see on my dash, so that’s gotta mean something l o l

anyway, i sort of hate doing these bc people may feel left out, but y’know in light of recent events, i’m just gonna do it to spread some love to the people i’ve met since starting this blog that have literally become like ??? a family. a home away from home. it’s gonna be cheesy & i hate cheesy, & i’m never this nice, so like ... fucking CHERISH IT U LIL SHITS. but overall to all my mutuals & followers, a massive thanks for giving me a chance, for welcoming me, for watching my growth from a distance or even if we already talk / do IC things. ok let’s get this show on the road my frens. admire my diminishing desire to write properly.

@fllowershop / @spngld : um ??? holly thank u sm for just being a staple in my daily life. i remember when we followed each other at the start, n i was just this anxious ball bc u were like wAY more established than i was, but u would leave lil comments here n there on my shitposts. n then i finally worked up the courage to talk to u n ur literally like. one of my closest friends on this hell site ?? like bless u. thank u for being there to listen to me rant / talk shit ; i’ll always be there for u if u need a shoulder to lean on. or u can just insult me idc i’ll take whatever i can get

@reddeathed : ok other mom. can u believe ?? we live near each other ??? somewhat. icb we literally have each other’s phone numbers now. talking on the daily. rping on discord. we’re some real trash when it comes to the relationships between connat & then peter & nat. tbh idk why u endure me; maybe it’s just bc u want to rile me up.  (  fuck u btw. )  not literally. n sometimes i know u need a big fat cry n thats ok n if u ever need to talk shit just come to me. i will say out of context things to help. i will be there !! also when holly visits u we’re all gonna go downtown toronto ok that’s official

@pleasureofmyself / @empantis : i was gonna tag scott too but im lazy. anyway like ?? wow yohan !!! i love u !! ur such a good bean, n u play ov.erwatch w me even if u suck bc u play ps4 more often than pc — it’s ok tho bc we both suck in the end n we lose. WE DIE LIKE MEN !! but boi i love talking to u and rping w u !! we got these ongoing inside jokes  ( are they rly inside jokes tho idk i mean eggs amirite  )  that r the greatest things ever n just !!! ur a loser but a good loser. my type of loser u kno what i mean

@notacircusmonkey : MELA !!!! i know sometimes  (  by sometimes i mean that one time  )   i say we get divorced bc u end up saying some A++++ angsty shit n then i get emotional, but !! u r the love of my life ok. like thank u for indulging me w all the s.tony. ur so nice n every time ur gone to take care of uni n rl stuff i miss u, but when u come back, here’s a nice mssg for u to read, right ?? i hope life is treating u well, and that ur birthday was perfect, bc u r just . u deserve it !! if life isn’t doing a good for u then im gonna kICK all that bad aura away from u n make sure u deserve some Good.

@bornsoldier : lmao bronson we’ve literally known each other for like 5 days but bitch ily. i hope those storms pass soon n the sun can come out bc u r like the actual sun. except like, u don’t blind me when i look at u. ur like a dimmed down sun ? ok my analogies n metaphors make no fuckin sense, but like. homie. bro. ur gr8 but never call ur alfredo fettuccine breakfast when it’s past 12pm ok at least call it BRUNCH u uneducated slut  (  sry did i mention i love u ? i do i promise  )

ok this is getting long n im literally running on no energy after being Fucked by work so i’m just gonna end that there for now.

honourable mentions  (  more people i admire or have known for a while prior to this blog in no particular order  )

@elataan , @atimebomb , @hookedcop / @silverstays , @countrylcved , @i-stark , @suitofarmxr , @auntlarb , @rumdaydreams , @iingloriious , @ebvenom , @piraticalwit , @marveliing , @boybcnd , @emeritvspidey , @mercnry , @dieamonster , @chooseboth , @stormwielding , @webwiings , @beastblooded​ , @smaugiiisms

so im sry if i missed anybody but i’m low on energy juice in my body, but if we’re mutuals i p much love u so ya. also thank u to all my followers who aren’t mutuals, bc wow idk what ur sticking around for when there r so many good spideys out there, but !! yeah thank u for all ur love n support n this sounds like some fucking oSCARS SPEECH IM GONNA SHUT UP NOW BYE

[thathopelessromantic]

The Things We Don’t Understand

Fandom: Homestuck Pairing: John Egbert x Dave Strider  Raiting: T+ Note: AU,  In honor of 4/13, I don’t have time to write anything new until the end of the semester but I haven’t posted all of my hs on my tumblr yet so here you go

Your name is Dave Strider and there are very few things in this world that you don’t understand. Unfortunately for you, one of those things happens to be your very best friend-John Egbert. Like you, John is an enigma. Unlike you, who seems to baffle everyone you interact with save for John and your siblings, the only person who seems baffled by John is well…you.

Otherwise known as, in which the title and summary both make this story sound way more serious that it actually is or ever was supposed to be.

AO3: (x)

--> Your name is Dave Strider and there are very few things in this world that you don’t understand. Unfortunately for you, one of those things happens to be your very best friend-John Egbert. Like you, John is an enigma. Unlike you, who seems to baffle everyone you interact with save for John and your siblings, the only person who seems baffled by John is well…you.

It wasn’t as if you completely lacked any type of understanding of your best bro. It’s just that after all these years of friendship there were some aspects of John Egdork that you still could not fully comprehend.

You understand John’s likes and interests. You don’t quite know why they’re John’s interests but you know them and have come to appreciate the part of John they represent. You know that at least 70% of the time, John has poor character judgement and tries to befriend all sorts of whack-jobs. You know what John likes about and values of himself and even more what he doesn’t-though some of his insecurities still seem absolutely nuts to you.

But you can’t seem to understand the boundless amounts of energy the kid seems to have. Or how he almost never allows the smile to falter from his lips. It is frustratingly bizarre how blue his eyes are when you literally wear shades 98% of the time you are with him regardless of conditions or locations and all colors should have been muted by your tinted glasses.

And for the love of God, you could not figure out how someone whose entire life consisted of sitting in front of a gaming system, pranking people, and playing the piano could possess the choicest ass you had ever seen either side of Mississippi but he did. You had a pretty slammin’ hot bod yourself, not to be too vain, but you worked for yours dammit. Strifing took a lot of effort. John though-it was like the fucking Puberty Fairy came and gifted him with perfect…everything and then just got the hell out of dodge.

--> Your name is John Egbert and by this point it is no secret that your best bro has been “subtly” checking you out for the past few weeks. The only question was why. You tried bringing it up with Dave himself but he quickly dismissed it as your imagination and changed the subject.

Part of you was frustrated (sexually mostly) by Dave’s weird actions. Another part was a tiny bit thrilled. Most of your friends and schoolmates were familiar with your constant mantra of “not a homosexual” when you were thirteen. Then the past summer you had to go with some estranged great-uncle you had never heard of before, per your dad’s insistence, to help him out around his place. When you came back for the start of the new school year you were surprised to find Dave in the beginnings of something with a mutual friend you could have sworn was interested in someone else when you left. Strangely you found yourself deeply irritated by their new closeness and after many late-night, long-lasting “feeling jams” (as Dave called them) with one of your good friends Rose, the two of you came to one simple conclusion. You had some very deep homosexual-or at the very least bisexual-feelings towards your best bro and you had been jealous as hell.

You were less jealous now as you and Dave slowly fell back into your old routine and Karkat seemed less and less actually romantically interested in Dave. But recently Dave’s been acting really weird and though you usually can’t see his eyes behind his shades you can feel them on you a lot more than they ever were before.

You’re determined to figure out what’s going on but it’s become pretty obvious you’re going to have to do it all on your own. Dave of course acts like there is nothing going on and the only other one who might have any idea what’s going on is Rose. And you know better than to ask her for help with this kind of stuff.

--> Your name is Dave Strider and unfortunately, you’re at school. It’s your lunch hour which is slightly less painful that the rest of the school day but you still don’t want to be here. When you enter the lunch room you’re not surprised to see John already at the usual table alone. Though his back is to you and you tend to walk rather quietly, it’s like he has a sensor or something and can feel your presence. When you’re about half-way to the table John turns around and meets your eye. His eyes are still an unsettling bright shade of blue and when he sees that it’s you he smiles like you just made his day. You’re a Strider and Strider hearts don’t flutter especially at dorky buck-toothed smiles, but they just might skip a beat or two when caught off guard.

“Hey Dave!” John greets you like you hadn’t just seen each other two class periods ago but you can’t ever seem to be even a little bothered by his unbridled enthusiasm.

“Sup?” You give your usual greeting and slide onto the seat next to him.

“How was history?” John asks. It’s one of the few classes the two of you don’t share. You give a noncommittal shrug. You slept through most of it and John knows that but he always asks anyways. Before John can ask you anything else the table starts to fill with your other friends and John turns to greet them. Part of you wants to grab John and make him turn his attention back to you but you resign from doing something quite so embarrassing and sit there in silence, nodding hello to those who greet you as they sit down. John scoots his chair closer to you to make more room for whoever is sitting on the other side of him and you tense. The two of you are in completely different chairs but you can feel John’s entire thigh flush against your own and before you can even think about moving away from him before you do something stupid Terezi shoves a chair between you and Karkat, who’s arrival you’re not sure how you missed, leaving you absolutely nowhere to go. When you look up Rose is watching you and smiling like this was all part of her evil plan and everything is going just swimmingly. Sometimes you really hate your twin. When John finishes his greetings and whatever brief conversation he was having with Jade, he turns back around to look at you.

“Dave, are you cold?” John asks like he cannot believe how someone could be cold in the middle of April. Well it’s not your fault you’re originally from Texas and this damn school thinks it’s a good idea to blast the AC from the beginning of March to the end of the school year regardless of the temperature outside. Honestly you can feel your body heating up under John’s scrutiny and from how close he is to you but you’re not surprised that he’s asking with his leg pressed against yours. That boy is like a goddamn space heater.

“It’s fucking freezing in here, Egbert, of course I’m cold.” You complain, shifting in your seat. Somehow you manage to press your leg even closer to his and you try not to let your surprise show through on your face. John gives you a once over, taking in your skinny jeans and sweat shirt. He’s already changed out his jeans and sweaters for shorts and t-shirts and it’s not even to the sixties yet. You so don’t get this kid.

--> Your name is John Egbert and you might just be being a little bit mean now.

You hadn’t intended to spend your last three classes of the day purposely trying to get a rise out of Dave but that’s how it was turning out. You were blaming the behavior on what happened at lunch. You and Dave were best bros, there were lots of times when there was some totally platonic, full-on physical contact and yet you had never noticed him tense up like he did today at lunch. Normally Dave was totally cool and collected but for some reason today he got very easily flustered. He even stuttered a few times which he only ever did when he was super embarrassed or nervous. Honestly you found it kind of adorable but considering Dave would probably want to kick your ass if he heard that you never said anything about it.

But now it’s last hour, math class, and though Dave is in the seat in front of you, you can tell he’s embarrassed. First of all he’s blushing. All the way to the tips of his ears, which really is the only reason you can tell. He’s also tense, sitting a little more forward in his seat than he normally would. And lastly he still hasn’t responded to your note.  The two of you had been passing notes for the better half of the class you last passed one to him nearly ten minutes ago and still haven’t received a response.

You were a little worried you had taken it too far. You knew Dave wasn’t entirely heterosexual, though he had never claimed a specific sexuality, but he didn’t know you were anything but just that. You didn’t want him to think you were just making fun of him. Good-natured teasing was one thing but it was just wrong if you actually hurt or bothered Dave. You also thought that maybe you were reading things wrong. Just because you wanted Dave to be interested in you didn’t mean he actually was and you’d rather pine from afar than screw up your friendship with your best bro.

The little paper square you and Dave had been passing notes on hits you square on the nose. Dave must have thrown in back while you were lost in thought. Trying not to be too obvious about it you unfold the paper a little too eagerly. The two of you had been discussing you hanging out at Dave’s over the weekend. It wasn’t an odd conversation; most weekends were spent together at your place or his. Discussing it seemed more like a formality than anything. You quickly scanned over the page, filled with sloppy blue and red chicken scratch to make sure Dave hadn’t gone back to an earlier point in the conversation and made a new comment. He did that sometimes. He also sometimes started drawing right over his words so that you had to convince him to rewrite whatever he was trying to say somewhere else so you could actually read it. And started random raps along the margins of the page. Everything seemed to be as it was when you sent the note so you finally look down to the bottom of the page where you really want to read. Your last message sticks out in oddly dark letters.

awesome! it’s a date! :)

Dave’s bright red, slightly-neater response is under it. You almost don’t want to look but your desire to read it is stronger.

you bet your ass it is gonna be the best damn date ever ill rock your fucking socks off egbert

You smiled, folding the paper back up and sliding it into your pocket. What were you thinking? This was Dave you were talking about. How could you be worried?

-->Your name is Dave Strider and you’re fairly certain strifing with your brother while avoiding his fucking puppets, Rose’s way too personal questions, and Roxy’s overly-affectionate behavior when she’s intoxicated all together is less taxing than having an extremely attractive, bizarrely happy, painfully straight best friend.

The school bell rang ten minutes ago. It’s Friday. You’re done with school for the week. Your best friend is coming over to spend the weekend with you. You should be excited. Instead you’re…nervous? You try to tell yourself Striders don’t get nervous but you’re really starting to think you are.

John’s walking a few feet ahead of you, chatting with Jade and Rose. He’s not concerned. He’s used to you dragging behind. You kind of think you should pick up the pace and walk with them so that you’re not in the prime position to be starting at his ass but you can’t bring yourself to move any faster. It’s John’s idea of warm outside so he’s in baggy khaki shorts instead of the tight jeans he wore all winter so there shouldn’t even be something remotely interesting about his backside but it’s like the image of John’s toned derriere in that dark denim is seared into your brain and you just can’t help but stare at it now. You consider the fact that you may need psychological help if your obsession with your best bro’s rear-end continues much longer. But you dismiss the thought a moment later. You know what your problem is and going to a professional-or Rose-would just be a waste of everyone’s time because you would all come to the same conclusion you had reached months ago when he came back from his great-uncle’s place tanned and toned and tall and gorgeous.

You have it bad for your best bro and it’s just getting worse as time passes. It doesn’t help that John hasn’t dated anyone, or even really shown interest in anyone, since he broke up with his freaky girlfriend Vriska in sophomore year and he recently has been way more…physical with you. But you have a bad feeling that even if neither of those things were true, you would still be just as far gone.

The three of them reach your beat-up pick-up truck and stop to wait for you. John digs out his car keys from his pocket and turns them over to Jade who would drive his car home. They were next door neighbors and John always gave her rides to school. She always drove his car home when John stays at your place unless it’s a big shindig with the whole group. Rose usually drove your truck home when you went to John’s. You finally catch up with them and all say your goodbyes. Your truck only has a single bench seat in the cab so you, John, and Rose all throw your bags in the bed of the truck and squeeze yourselves into the cab, Rose in the middle of you and John because she’s the smallest. Part of you almost wishes Rose wasn’t with you. The other part of you is glad Rose is there to keep you from doing something stupid before the weekend even starts.

The drive from the school to the house where you and your three siblings live isn’t too long. Upon arrival Rose immediately retreats into her bedroom, requesting not to be disturbed, and you and John claim the couch. If Roxy and Dirk are home, there isn’t a sign of them.

You and John waste no time starting what will most likely be a weekend-long “gaming extravaganza” (John’s dad coined the term back when the two of you were freshman and for some unexplainable reason it stuck) and for the most part you could ignore your usually painfully obvious crush on your best friend. Even with John’s entire side pressing intimately against your own so that you’re not only stealing some of his over abundant body heat but you can also feel every little vibration when he speaks or laughs you can pretend for a while you’re not seriously lusting over the big dweeb.

It has to be close to seven o’clock when Dirk appears, seemingly out of nowhere, to stand in front of the television, blocking specifically your view, and asks if the two of you want pizza for dinner. Normally you’re suspicious of Dirk offering up food like that without any prompting but since he tends to be slightly more behaved whenever guests are over (though with how often John is over you sometimes wonder if he really counts as a guest anymore) you both give him an affirmative and he sticks around just long enough for you to lose the current round and call in the order.

Grumbling about the loss, you pause the game as John gets up to go to the bathroom. As soon as you hear the bathroom door shut Dirk reappears in the living room.

“How’s it goin’, little bro?” He asks casually, leaning against the door frame. Immediately your eyes fly to him. You know that voice. It’s his I-know-something-you-don’t-want-me-to voice.

“Whatever Rose told you is probably bullshit.” You both know your lie is about as lame as they come but for some reason that doesn’t stop you from saying it.

“He is pretty cute.” Dirk continues, as if you had just gushed to him all the details of your sorry little crush. “Shame he isn’t wearing those nice jeans anymore. Those dark wash ones with the ripped knee, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a pair of pants cup an ass quite as nicely as those ones did save for those shorts his cousin wears.” Jake English, the only “cousin” Dirk could be talking about wasn’t really John’s cousin. He was Jade’s. But considering John and Jade were practically raised like siblings it made sense that John counted him as family. You hoped Dirk was planning to stop there but of course, probably just to torment you some more, he keeps talking. You look around the room, trying to ignore your brother. For once one of his damn creepy plush dolls isn’t hanging around. Unfortunately for you since if there had been one you would have promptly used it to smother yourself so that you no longer had to listen to your brother compliment your crush’s finer assets.

Suddenly you notice water running and realize John is almost done in the bathroom. Dirk is still rambling about his something-or-another. Your reaction? Throw the nearest thing at Dirk. It’s an empty cup and even if he hadn’t moved when you threw it, it wouldn’t have reached him but it got you the desired effect of him leaving so that didn’t matter at the moment.

John returns a moment later and smiles at you, reclaiming his seat at your side. Wordless the two of you start up the game once again. You only get through one round when the doorbell rings. You pause the game. From your position on the couch, or more accurately on the floor in front of the couch, you can only see half of your brother’s back and a small portion of the front door.

“Pizza delivery to the Strider-Lalonde Residence.” You and John can’t see the speaker but there’s no mistaking the accented voice hidden from view. The pizza delivery guy is Jake English. No wonder your brother was so willing to order you pizza. It isn’t really a secret to anyone that Dirk has a thing for Jake. Well you weren’t so sure if Jake had caught on quite yet but you at least knew your brother was as hopeless crushing on Jake as you were on John.

You and John exchange looks. One way or another, you were most definitely going to use this against Dirk.

Once Dirk keeps Jake way over the normal amount of time it would take for a simple pizza delivery, he drops off the larger of the two pizza boxes to you and John and stalks out of the room. Not wasting time with formalities or other needless things like plates the two of you dig in. You both get through about two and half pieces before disaster strikes.

You’re absorbed in the act of devouring your third slice of pizza when John swears next to you. You turn your head to see what happened. Somehow he had managed to drop his pizza into his lap, smearing sauce and grease all across the front of his shorts.

Your first reaction is to think nothing of it. Then John stands up, dropping the half-eaten slice onto the box and you can feel yourself stop breathing. You’re not quite sure if John realizes what he’s doing but there’s a hunk of half chewed dough and cheese stuck in your throat, effectively stopping any type of noise or warning from escaping as John unbuttons his shorts and wiggles out of them. In the middle of the living room. Right in front of you.

You are currently eye level with bright blue boxer-brief covered junk of your best friend and you honestly think your brain is starting to shut down.

“I’m going to go put some soap on this before it stains.” John announces like this is the most normal thing in the world and walks out of the room.

-->Your name is John Egbert and OOPS.

You are currently in the Strider-Lalonde residence laundry room trying not to panic. You don’t know what you were thinking, just stripping in the middle of the living room like that other than that you weren’t thinking. There was most definitely such a thing as “too comfortable” with someone or somewhere. Sure this wasn’t the first time Dave had seen you in your underwear but who just strips in the middle of their best friend’s living room? And you hadn’t even thought about your positions. Maybe if you hadn’t glanced down at Dave while you were in the living room it wouldn’t have occurred to you but you did and now you can’t seem to get the image of your best bro’s flushed face level with your crotch out of your mind.

You want to crawl in a hole and hide until, hopefully, Dave forgets the entire incident. Or drown yourself in the rinse cycle of the washing machine. Both sound like entirely reasonable options.

The door to the basement opens and you turn, horrified, to find Dirk climbing up the stairs. The older Strider takes one look at you, puts the pizza box he was carrying on the edge of the trash can, and promptly turns around and walks back downstairs. You feel your cheeks grow even hotter. Wonderful. Now exactly half of the household has seen you without pants on.

Grumbling and cursing to yourself for your own stupidity you start searching for stain remover.

Not a full minute passes before you hear a surprised, distinctly feminine “Oh.” from the doorway. You turn, but you’re pretty sure you already know who’s there.

Sure enough, Rose is standing, half in the hallway half in the laundry room, with a laundry basket cradled against her hip. Well shit. Might as well call Roxy down to the laundry room just to make sure she’s not feeling left out.

“This is an interesting new look for you John.” Rose finally breaks the silence, stepping fully into the room and giving you a small, knowing smile as if she’s already figured out exactly what happened.

Instead of acknowledging her comment you look back at the cluttered shelf above the washer and dryer with a small noise of complaint. “Do you have any stain remover?”

Taking pity on you, Rose puts down her basket and pushes around some bottles until she finds a dark blue one that proclaims ‘STAIN REMOVER’ in big white letters. You lamely offer to help but Rose brushes your offer off and very efficiently preps your shorts to be washed.

“I can put them in the next white load.” Rose says simply, laying them out over the top of the dryer and returning to her basket to bring it closer to the washer. “They’ll be clean and wearable before you leave tomorrow.”

“Thank you Rose you’re a life saver.” You sort of want to hug Rose but decide against it. It’s already a little weird hugging Rose; you don’t need to make things any more awkward trying to hug her without pants on.

You fidget around the laundry room a little longer, mostly because you’re a little scared to go back to the living room, but Rose eventually kicks you out with the threat that if you stay any longer she’s going to make you sort through the laundry to find her and Roxy’s “delicates.” Rose is great and admittedly you had a bit of a crush on Roxy when you were growing up but you really do not need to know either girl that intimately.

Before returning to the living room you stop in Dave’s room. The fourth drawer in his dresser is filled with your clothing, for impromptu sleepovers such as this one. You pull on a pair of pajama pants and go back downstairs.

Dave hasn’t touched the pizza since you left. The game the two of you had been playing before is still open to the paused menu screen. Dave doesn’t appear to have moved, even slightly, from the positon he was in when you fled the living room earlier. Nervously you run your hands through your hair a few times and adjust your glasses. When you move to return to your seat besides Dave you try to act as if everything is perfectly normal.

“Sorry about that.” You open, dropping back onto the floor and crossing your legs. “Didn’t want it to stain…new shorts and all that…”

At first it doesn’t seem like Dave even heard you then suddenly he nods, almost like snapping back to his senses and acknowledging you all at once.

“Right. Dadbert would’ve gotten mad. Wouldn’t want that.”  Dave gives you a quick, signature, Strider smirk and just like that, things are back to normal.

-->Your name is Dave Strider and you’re still not sure how you managed to act normal after John’s little strip-show in the living room. Somehow though, you did it, and the two of you returned to your gaming until around one-thirty in the morning when Dirk showed up and shooed you out of the living room, insisting he had “shit it do.”

It didn’t really occur to either of you just how tired you were until you had to trudge up a flight of stairs to your bedroom. You hardly remembered to shut your door behind you as the two of you shuffled inside the dark room and flopped onto your bed. For a while you both just laid there in the quiet darkness. You were almost starting to fall asleep when you heard John start mumbling something about brushing his teeth and trying to sit up. Turning you head to face him you throw an arm over John, effectively stopping him in his tracks and he lies against the bed beside you once again.

“Break the rules once in a while, Egbert.” You mutter, your words partially muffled by the blankets beneath you. “Be all gross and stinky with me for a night and just forget about that.”

Its dark in your room without any lights and your shades still on but you can still see John’s nose wrinkle at the suggestion. But you don’t move your arm from around his waist and John never makes a move to try and leave after that.

You’re starting to fall asleep again when John reaches over and plucks your glasses from your face. Your eyes blink open in surprise, forced to adjust to the change in light all over again. John’s own glasses are still on his face, crooked from being pressed against your mattress and he looks ridiculous with his crooked glasses and messy hair and dreamy smile but he also looks unbelievably adorable in your bed and you kind of really want to kiss him.

“What are you doing Egbert?” You croak instead, reaching up one hand to rub sleepily at your eye. John keeps watching you with his dorky smile and bright eyes.

“Your eyes are pretty Dave. It’s nice to be able to see them once in a while.”

You freeze because on one hand you think you must be imagining things but on the other you are really certain you heard those words come from John. Then suddenly lips are pressed against your own and your eyes are fluttering closed and you’re thinking, oh great you’ve really gone off the deep end now actually acting on your desire to kiss John but it’s not you who started the kiss. At least you’re pretty sure you’re not the one who started it. Even if it was you, the one in charge now seemed to be John. He was the one who was shifting your positions so that your back was pressed against the mattress while you were chest to chest with your best friend, kissing like a couple of teenagers who mostly had no idea what you were doing.

When John breaks the kiss for air he’s all but straddling you in this position. His glasses are even more skewed than they were before. You can tell he’s scared, not sure what your reaction to the kiss is going to be, but he’s trying to smile at you like this is all perfectly normal.

You want to say something to him, anything really, but you can’t seem to find your voice. Instead you pluck his glasses off his nose as well. John squints at you in the dark, not quite sure what to make of that reaction and also because your image is now blurry. John’s about as blind as a bat without his glasses. You’re not sure how long you lie there under John, studying him in the pale light coming through your window. His eyes are still so damn bright they’re practically glowing. You can tell your lack of response is starting to make John nervous and he starts shifting uncomfortably over you. He opens his mouth to say something, and that’s when you strike. Burying your hand in his hair you pull him closer, pressing your lips against his own and shoving your tongue in his mouth before he can say anything. Instead he just moans into your mouth and the sound sends shivers over your entire body.

There were still a lot of things about John you didn’t understand but lying in your bed with his body flush against your own, in that moment it was perfectly okay.

[tonystarkbingo]

TSB MIV Week 16 Roundup!

Title: Is This Love? Collaborator: ceealaina Card Number: 4008 Link: AO3 Square Filled: A2 - Pining Ship: IronHusbands, pre-SamSteve Rating: Teen Major Tags: Mutual Pining, Fluff and Humor Summary: 'Tony wasn’t looking at him though, or at the speaker. His gaze was fixed through the glass windows and into the hallway beyond where the military delegation had just arrived, among them Colonel Rhodes. “Oh my god,” Tony breathed, staring at him. “He’s so hot.”

'Steve's stuck in the world's longest debrief and, to make matters worse, he's stuck beside Tony who won't stop waxing poetic about his husband. Word Count: 1531

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Title: Love Inside This Madness Collaborator: ralsbecket Card Number: 4056 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: T4 - Kink: Bondage Ship: WinterIron Rating: Mature Major Tags: Art, Naked cuddling, light rope bondage Summary: Tony asking if he trusts him is like asking Bucky if he needs air. The answer is always going to be a resounding, “Yes.”  Word Count: N/A

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Title: No Rescue Needed Collaborator: Dracusfyre Card Number: 4032 Link: AO3 Square Filled: S2 - Merpeople Ship: WinterIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: Meet Cute, Polyamory, Established Relationship, Pre-relationship, Alternate Universe-Fantasy  Summary: Steve makes an awkward first impression when he tries to rescue Tony but ends up cock-blocking him instead. To be fair, it wasn’t all Steve’s fault - he couldn’t have known that when Tony disappeared under the surface of the ocean and didn’t come back up for air, it was because he didn’t need air in the first place. Word Count: 1768

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Title: wake up call Collaborator: peachy Card Number: 4017 Link: AO3 Square Filled: K1 - Interrogation Ship: Stony Rating: G Major Tags: fluff, feelings realizations, oblivious steve Summary: All Steve wanted was a cup of coffee, but a conversation with Natasha leaves him with a lot more than he bargained for. Word Count: 594

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Title: Medical Suite Collaborator: MagicaDraconia16 Card Number: 4019 Link: AO3 Square Filled: S1 - Cheesy Ship: James “Rhodey” Rhodes & Tony Stark Rating: Teen Major Tags: Fluff, crack (treated seriously), magic-induced hallucinations, TV dramas, medical AU, medical inaccuracies Summary: In today's episode: Tony Stark wakes up from his coma; Doctor Rhodes and Nurse Romanoff share a stolen moment of passion; and Wanda makes a mysterious phone call.

Er, wait, that's not right... Word Count: 2173

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Title: Baby Let Me Swallow You~ Collaborator: J_gun_i Card Number: 4004 Link: AO3 Square Filled: S4 - Kink: Deep Throating Ship: IronHusbands Rating: E Major Tags: Deep throating, porn with feelings, Rhodey wearing his uniform, office sex Summary: Rhodey finally is seeing his boyfriend again. He had made plenty of plans, which got derailed the moment they eagerly pressed against each other.

Or-

Tony enjoys himself, especially with Rhodey kneeling in front of him. Word Count: 966

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Title: Send Me a Kiss by Wire Collaborator: BennyBatch Card Number: 4005 Link: AO3 Square Filled: R5 - Kink: Phone Sex Ship: FrostIron Rating: E Major Tags: praise kink, orgasm denial, dom/sub undertones Summary: Tony needed help testing his newly developed interstellar phone and Loki was more than happy to offer his assistance (and maybe a little more). Word Count: Tony needed help testing his newly developed interstellar phone and Loki was more than happy to offer his assistance (and maybe a little more).

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Title: I Don’t Need Saving Collaborator: Nicnac Card Number: 4048 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: T1 - Abducted Ship: IronWidow Rating: Mature Major Tags: kidnapping, mild injury, mentions of torture, blood, mild threat Summary: Natasha is abducted on her anniversary night with Tony. Her kidnappers try to get information out of her about SHIELD secrets but she turns the tables on them long before Tony comes to rescue her.  Word Count: 2277

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Title: Crisis (Momentarily) Averted Collaborator: PoliZ Card Number: 4007 Link: AO3 Square Filled: K5 - Hindsight Ship: Natasha & Tony  Rating: General Major Tags: Iron Man 2 compliant; deleted scene, Natasha POV Summary: Natasha realizes that Natalie’s glib suggestion to Tony to ‘do whatever he wanted’ for his birthday was ill-advised and potentially dangerous. Word Count: 797

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Title: The Day Rhodey Met the Captain Collaborator: Fighting_for_Creativity Card Number: 4004 Link: AO3 Square Filled: T3 - First Time Ship: IronHusbands, Janto Rating: Teen Major Tags: None Summary: When Rhodey came home, he was perplexed to say the least.

Tony explained his sudden brust of cleaning away with a simple phone call and some guests coming over. 

No wonder that Rhodey was cautious when two men knocked on their door.

After all, someone that managed to get his boyfriend in a frenzy was in a position to hurt him. Word Count: 1849

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Title: I’m Here for You Collaborator: Fighting_for_Creativity Card Number: 4004 Link: AO3 Square Filled: A1 - James “Rhodey” Rhodes/War Machine Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Mature Major Tags: Child Abuse, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, child neglect, verbal abuse Summary: Rhodey knew that not all was good and dandy in the Stark household. Hell Rhodey saw the evident in the fall of Tony’s face after a call one too many times, in the way Tony sometimes wouldn’t sleep until something for SI was finished. But what happened on Tony’s sixteenth birthday took the icing of the cake. Word Count: 1963

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Title: Together Under This Roomful Sky Collaborator: deehellcat Card Number: 4028 Link: AO3 Square Filled: K1 - Confessions Under the Influence Ship: Pepperony Rating: Gen Major Tags: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Accidental Illness, Medicinal Drug Use, with adverse reactions, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Socks, Confessions Under the Influence, Consent Issues, Love, Flashbacks, Mention of Panic Attacks Summary: Bruce smothered an obvious snicker. “So, kick-ass doses of antihistamines act as truth serum on him. Good to know.”“Out!” Tony sputtered and flung a hand toward the elevator. “False friend, laughin’ at th’ invalid. Dishonor on you, dishonor on y’r cow—”Bruce was openly laughing as he left, but Tony slumped back into a heap, his momentary burst of energy gone. “I didn’t mean that,” he said mournfully. “You don’t think he’ll think I meant it, do you?”“No, he won’t,” Pepper comforted him. “Let’s get you to bed, hm? Let you sleep that bender off.” Word Count: 3028

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Title: To Break and To Mend Collaborator: deehellcat Card Number: 4028 Link: AO3 Square Filled: S5 - Major Injuries Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Teen Major Tags: Break Up, Break Up and Make Up, (not the same pair), Secret Relationship, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Major Character Injury, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Ironhusbands Summary: hey say, whenever one door closes, another opens. Sometimes, though, one door may close so that another can be reopened. Word Count: 520

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Title: Spinnerets Collaborator: deehellcat Card Number: 4028 Link: AO3 Square Filled: K2 - Horror Movie AU Ship: None Rating: Teen Major Tags: Supernatural Creatures, Kidfic, Kid Tony Stark, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, seriously he deserves everything he gets, Spider Mama Natasha Romanoff, literal spider mama, Arachnes, Canonical Character Death, Child Abuse, Transformation, Adoption Summary: A drunken Howard’s abuse of his son is interrupted by a strange intruder. Word Count: 6363

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Title: a moment in between Collaborator: ohjustpeachy Card Number: 4017 Link: AO3 Square Filled:  S5 - Fears appear in reality Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Gen Major Tags: hurt/comfort, angst Summary: Those few blissful seconds right before he regains complete consciousness sometimes feel like all he has left. Then, of course, the realization hits, and Rhodey feels the loss all over again, hears the words anew every time. Complete paralysis. Tonight is one of those nights. Or, Rhodey wakes from a nightmare and Tony does what he can. Word Count: 1203

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Title: Missing you Collaborator: gottalovev Card Number: 4077 Link: AO3 Square Filled:  T1 - abandonment issues Ship: Stony Rating: Teen Major Tags: no archive warning applies. Long distance relationship, insecurity Summary: Five ways a long distance relationship with Steve is hard on Tony, and the moment it gets better. (Non-powered college AU) Word Count: 614

[mannentilminkardemomme]

Dear Mutuals,

This gif set is for you.

I haven’t been online since Friday 23rd, which is quite poopy of me, since I haven’t answered your kind messages and reblogged your posts, which I really enjoy doing. I’ve had a self-induced SKAM hiatus. I feel really happy when I see a fellow mutual post a gif set, text post or a piece of art they’ve created for this wonderful SKAMily. I’ve just been in my emo state and closed myself off from tumblr and the world of SKAM (which you can see from my unupdated blog). I didn’t know how the reaction of it all ending would be here on tumblr, and since my cat has started to refuse being a cuddly ball of fluff in which I bury all my tears in, I didn’t have anyone to be around with physically (except for my cat and horse, but they don’t really understand when I go all emo on them) to help solve my many personal emotions that were raised with the last clip and all of the seasons of SKAM. But I’ve revived myself, and can see myself staying here on tumblr until the foreseeable future. I’ve made too many friends to just shut myself from tumblr for much longer, and I’d really like to continue being in touch with you all.

This gif set is each clip that Evak kissed<3 Sorry for not being online, sorry sorry sorry.

@br1skeby Faen Johanne, min Guru. I hope you know what you mean to me, so I’ll spare you a huuuugee multi-chapter piece of writing to show that (unless if you need a sudden boost of happiness, then dm me and I’ll be on it like a car bonnet)<3 Your writing metaphorically kills me each time you drop a new bomb ass chapter. I’m really happy I’m able to fangirl with you, be it over Evak, Yousana or Levi ;)

@beanievaltersen Hehe :3 As long as you’re happy with your new mattress, Evak and I am happy too :D  You must know what you mean to me too, but we need to revive our crazy theories about what all the Skam Squads are up to! Also, it’s an absolute honour to beta-read your artistry works!! kdjfakd I have no chill about how much I love it!!!

@du-er-ikkealene Elise, you will forever be my soup-bro :D (I really hope you remember why I’mma call you that, if not, I’ll remind you!) Taakk tak tak tak for introducing me to Kensington! They, and you, have inspired me to make cool gif sets of their beautiful, meaningful lyrics, and you will also forever continue to put me in awe of all the various, creative names you make up for Noorhelm :P  (Plus, ily)

@isakschili I’m now listening to Kent on a daily basis, thanks to you, crazy Swedish music-loving girl :*  And you neeeeeed to drop the second chapter of your fic ASAP!! You can’t just leave me hanging on an ending like that-- you’ll end up making me even more mad for your fic than I already am ;)  And, in my lil head, you’re my musician buddy! Once a musician buddy, always a musician buddy.

@julieseven Daaayyyyyaamnnnnnn Sue. You must also already know what you mean to me. But seriously tho... If you don’t, then open whatsapp later tonight, and you’ll find out fo sure then.

@levok I’m on the countdown for roasting the new US Skam with you! That’s the only reason as to why I’m probably going to watch it!! And you have contributed to me writing better Danish and thinking outside the box in regards to theories and all, which is really ace! Tak, tak tak tak!! And you’re a bloody wonderful person to talk to! You never fail to make me snort air out of my nose, which basically counts as a laugh.

@prinsenimittliv Tenna I promise I’m going to write that headcanon for you! I feel really bad that I’ve left it so long, but it’s given me more time to think about different angles I can take it from<3 For every beautiful piece of art you create, I will in return write you especially a headcanon! Alt for dig, girl! Plus, dayyYYYAAAmmmMMMMmmmmm your haircut looks hella fine! :*

@chillerhjemmeisak I keep on saying it, and I’ll say it again: GOOD LUCK ON YOUR A-LEVELS!!!! :D  I promise you that with the power of The Biology Buddies, you will ace them! And that’s a promise! In an AU, we’re running around London in crazy Chris-inspired outfits.

@loooreleii Heyyy youu<3 I also hope you know how kind and sweet and funny and just all the lovely adjectives you are. Your artwork kills me (metaphorically) everytime! I’m so grateful that you share it with us<3  I really would like to keep in touch with you, also so that I can update you with how my new life in Germany will be (Update: I’VE FOUND A FAMILY TO LIVE WITH!!! IN STUTTGART, well not in Stuttgart, in a little town outside of it, but still!) Ich liebe dich<3  Plus, I’m buzzing with all sorts of ideas for the 5 different kisses drabble idea you gave me! Can’t wait to write it for you!

@asflowerpot1 You were the first person I spoke to on this crazy site! If you hadn’t reached out to me so that we could fangirl together, I probably would’ve stayed alone and quite in my own lil fangirl bubble :)  I love how we can literally feel each other’s emotions through the use of caps lock and I just really connect with you! I look forward to continuing our crazy long messages and emo feels together!<3

@eivseank Diana, promise that you’ll remember this: Du. Er. Ikke. Alene. I will be there for you to share our happiness between us, and our sad times. Because that’s what friends do. Please, please remember that<3  I love our long messages about travelling the world and eating 100% cocoa chocolate! :P  Make sure to sleep really well this summer, and to eat loads of ice-cream!!

@isaksredscarf Gael, you da BOMB!.com  Thank you again, endlessly for bringing me into the skamfwn- it’s really boosted my confidence in writing, and everytime I published some little drabble, I always knew I could count on you to tell me how it was!<3 I’ve got an AO3 now, where I’m called tacha_bacha because I thought ‘mannentilminkardemomme’ would be quite long :P  so, yay! This past week I’ve been slowly easing my way back into the wonderful, glorious SKAM world by reading and writing fic, which has definitely lifted my m00d by 110%, no doubt about it. Say ‘hi’ to your fuffy, adorable cat!

@sweetevak Ayo Emotional Overload, let’s keep sending dank memes of Honk vs. Cat in sunglasses :D  Also, I’ll literally never let you forget that you were the one to get me into writing!! You’re a godess! (At least, you’re my writing godess). I miss when you’d send seriously cute lil headcanons of Evak- they were pure and sweet, and just what every single hc in this crazy world should be made of<3

I’m going on holiday to The Motherland (aka. Denmark) this Tuesday for 11 days with my friend who has never been, and I’m not bringing my laptop, so writing any drabble will be harder on my phone, but I will do it for you all!! Because I love writing for you and seeing your sweet reactions in the tags and comments. I’m also bringing a notepad along, so there will definitely be a lot of inspiration coming to me! I’ve already started thinking about writing an AU -whaaaaaaattt???? This is new territory for me, but I’m so excited to be doing it with all of you, both my beautiful mutuals and followers (AND BEAUTIFUL ANON, IF YOU’RE READING THIS THEN REMEMBER THAT YOU PHYSICALLY AND LITERALLY MAKE ME SMILE!!!!! WHICH IS ONE OF THE BEST EFFECTS ONE CAN HAVE ON A PERSON!)

Jeg elsker dere alle! Have a wonderful summer. I really look forward to reblogging EVERYTHING I see! *sends an infinite amount of kisses*

Love from,

Natacha :o)

[chrishoulihan]

FYF ADVENTCHEA

So this shit turned into a fucking novel, I’m putting it under a cut and it’s just as much for my own recollection as it is for anyone who wants to hear about my festival weekend. Get into it

So I arrived in LA on Thursday morning after my flight was delayed by an hour and ended up getting there at the exact same time as Anna A @yourveryeyes which was fortuitous! We took a Lyft to Exposition Park to pick up her wristband for the festival, wandered around a little bit, and ended up taking the Metro downtown to meet up with Kylie @electric-candyman who was GREAT TO MEET and was also going to the festival, and her friend Chris who doesn’t have a Tumblr afaik and was going to both FYF and the Planetarium show that night. We went to MOCA which was pretty sweet, they had a Rothko room and a few Rauschenberg pieces that were really cool to see in person. After that Anna and I split off to go to Hollywood and check out Amoeba on our way to Sufjan and that was obviously amazing, I didn’t have enough space in the bags I packed to buy any records (which was by design, my broke ass can’t afford to drop a lot of money on vacation and you can’t waste money on stuff if you don’t have room to carry it home *tapping head guy meme*) but I bought a little heart-eyed cat emoji pin as a souvenir and I definitely wanted to buy 5000 things I couldn’t have.

From there we went to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery for Planetarium and met up with Anna L @louisdebumhole ANN- SQUAD REUNITED HELL YEAH. We got to the cemetery and went in all together like over an hour after the doors opened but since it was a lawn show there was still barely anyone lined up at the stage by the time we got there and we got just behind the rail?? AMAZING. I haven’t had the opportunity for rail at a Sufjan show since the Christmas pageant in 2012. Chris showed up not too long after us and joined us right by the stage and Anna L’s friend was there on the rail too so it was a party.

OBVIOUSLY PLANETARIUM WAS INCREDIBLE. My dumb ass forgot to save my Instagram story so I don’t have any of my own videos but it was so great. Sufjan wore his stupid beautiful clashing pajama suit and some fuckin moon boots and he looked fabulous and sang like an angel and said a lot of nonsensical inspirational stuff (like this which is the only video I managed to salvage.) The whole record sounds even richer and fuller live; Jupiter, Moon, and Venus sounded especially amazing. AND fun fact, Matt Berninger was there and watched the entire show from the left side of the stage! My indie dad Matty B supporting his homies!! I also got a setlist after the show ended, which was exciting even though of course it’s literally just a list of planets and in the exact same order as the record lmao. But it’s my first Sufjan-related setlist and I will cherish it forever.

So we got back to Anna L’s house I think around midnight that night and by then I had been awake for like 21 hours so I was exhausted and basically passed out as soon as I could. Next day was the START OF FYF and Anna A/Kylie/Chris and I decided that we wanted to go for Bjork rail, since she was the first act on the main stage on Friday and there weren’t really any other bands playing before her elsewhere that we were dying to see. Before we went to the festival Anna A and I hung out with her friend Jen who was great, we got boba and then went downtown to The Last Bookstore, which was bomb, and had lunch at Grand Central Market. Got to the festival about half an hour before the gates opened, made it through the long ass queue, and went immediately to the main stage where we got basically center-right just behind the rail!! For fucking Bjork!!! Commence freaking out for the next three hours. Chris and Kylie showed up later right behind us and it was such a fun and easy queueing experience for me, everyone around us was super chill and everyone was so hype to see Bjork that we pretty much just looked out for each other and bonded over our mutual fandom. Anna and I had intended to see Bjork together in NYC back in 2015 but it got cancelled so this was a LONG TIME COMING and I’m so glad that we were able to make it happen.

So Bjork was the first set of my whole festival weekend and honestly it was one of the best performances I’ve ever seen?? SHE WAS AMAZING and I knew I was gonna be emotional but I wasn’t fucking prepared for how surreal and incredible it felt to hear THAT VOICE in person and to be that close to her while it happened. Unreal. She had Arca with her as her DJ and a whole string ensemble, and she came out wearing a glow in the dark lime green headdress mask thing and a huge puffy dress that made her look like a beautiful pinata. Everything about it was fucking perfect; she did at least one song from every record except Vespertine. Multiples from Vulnicura/Homogenic/Post, Come to Me, Mouth’s Cradle, Wanderlust, Mutual Core. Fucking awesome. Favorites for me were probably Joga (CRIED), Mouth’s Cradle (fuckin bomb arrangement and a huge surprise), Isobel & Bachelorette (two of my all time faves), Notget and Hyperballad which had LITERAL FIREWORKS AND FIREBALLS going off onstage behind her?? What the fuck?? Amazing. And it was the most fun and loving group of people on the rail I’ve ever been part of; everyone around me was so genuinely excited and emotional and singing along and I could FEEL THE LOVE.

So that was an amazing start to the festival obviously and after Bjork we met up with Anna L and went straight to go see Anderson Paak who I missed BOTH TIMES he was here in Portland last year because I’m an idiot, and WOW he is so great live!! I’m actively offended that he is not my boyfriend tbh, he has the most beautiful and infectious smile I’ve ever seen on a human being. Big ol dance party up in the lawn stage. After that we went back to the main stage to watch Missy Elliott for a while and that was a lot of fun; found out after the fact that Bjork and fucking BEYONCE were watching off stage, so like, now I can say I have been in the presence of Beyonce. Went to Flying Lotus early which was the last set of the night to get a good view, with our sweet Flylo-branded 3D glasses obv. Flylo was amazing as always and the 3D show was awesome, I hope he takes it on the road cause that shit was fire. I’m also really into the mystical shaman look he seems to be cultivating lately lmao, and he looks cute as hell with the longer hair!! One of the biggest highlights of the whole weekend for me was when he started the Captain Murphy stuff, got one verse through The Killing Joke, and then was like “you know what fuck this I changed my mind, I want to do this song cause I never get the chance to do it” and fucking busted out with COSPLAY, which is only my favorite Captain Murphy track ever!!! I wasn’t expecting it cause it’s pretty obscure even for the Captain Murphy stuff and I lost my goddamn mind it was so much fun. (Gotta say though that the longer he keeps riding out Murphy tracks from 2012 at his live shows, the more egregious it is that he still hasn’t fuckin dropped a Murphy album or any substantial Murphy release since then. Come on bro. I’ve been waiting 5 years) ANYWAY so that was great of course. Day One = big success.

Day Two! Before we went to the festival that day we met up and had lunch with Anna L’s bf Jesus, who had a Saturday/Sunday festival pass and is a lovely man with great taste in music and cat photos and baseball caps. First set of the day for me was Thundercat and it was my SIXTH time seeing him live, which is hilarious (gonna be 7 times in September.) One of the first things he said to the crowd after getting on stage was “you guys look like you smell weird,” which was accurate. Obviously he’s always great live and I loved getting to hear more of the Drunk songs since the last time I saw him. He’s also rocking some pretty sweet neon pink dreads right now. Caught the end of Noname’s set with Anna A and Chris afterwards and really enjoyed it! I want to check out her album now cause she was great. Grabbed some food and then the whole crew met up together again to see Perfume Genius – GORGEOUS. I’d never seen him live before and he’s so captivating to watch. His performance of Slip Away to close the set was one of my favorites of the whole weekend.

After that I ended up splitting up with everyone, watched some of Arca’s set but ended up leaving to go hang out on the lawn before Erykah Badu because my feet were killing me and I really needed to sit down and recharge. Erykah was supposed to go on at 9:50; cut to 10:15 and she still hasn’t gone on and I was already planning on cutting out of her set at 10:30 to try and snag a semi decent spot for Frank Ocean, so I said fuck it and bailed to go do that. BUMMED I DIDN’T GET TO SEE HER TBH I was really looking forward to it. But it’s kinda good that I left sooner rather than later because the main stage was already pretty packed by 10:30 for Frank. I got an okay spot to the right of the stage probably about 10+ rows back from his platform catwalk thing, and it was easily the most crowded audience I was in all weekend. Talk about being packed like sardines it was madness, if I had showed up like 10 minutes later than I did I would have had an absolutely shit view.

So like…..FRANK FUCKING OCEAN. Never ever thought the day would come that I’d see him live, and the whole experience was so incredibly special to me. I DEFINITELY cried buckets when he sang Lens, which has weirdly become one of my all time favorite tracks in the last few months, and Ivy really really got to me out of nowhere too. Literally everyone around me within earshot sang along to every single word of every song and it was amazing. He played an unreleased cover of some old school funk track that was absolute straight fucking fire, me and the girl next to me danced our asses off together. That shit better get an official release on his radio show like he said he was planning!! Also Brad Pitt was on stage at one point and that was HILARIOUS tbh I wish I had gotten any sort of video of that myself, but the way the wasted dude behind me shouted “WHAT THE FUUUCK” when he popped up on screen will remain fresh in my memory forever. The whole show was gorgeous and I just LOVE FRANK OCEAN!!! I want him to tour so bad so I can actually plan out a scenario where I can get rail for his show and have a better view.

Aaaand Day Three. Got to the festival kinda lateish because the first act the Ann- Squad wanted to see wasn’t till after 6 (Little Dragon), so once we got there we took some photos and wandered around a bit, met back up with Chris and Kylie and took these majestic photobooth pictures, and then Anna A and I went to Little Dragon early for a good spot. I had never seen them before and it was a blast, just a total dance party. They mostly played stuff from Season High which was fine by me cause that album fuckin bangs. Then mood whiplash when we went straight from Little Dragon to Moses Sumney lmao. We got to Moses’ set right when he started our mutual fave Lonely World, serendipitous tbh!! He is beautiful and I loooove the lighting setup he’s got going for his show, it felt really unique to me among the loud dancey festival fare.

After that we went back to the main stage for Solange, which was great; I’m not as familiar with her music as I could be tbh but I really enjoyed how conceptual and dance-oriented her show was. At one point a whole massive brass section streamed in out of nowhere just for one song and it was fuckin awesome. Towards the end of Solange’s set Kylie texted me to say that if we hurried there was still a little bit of rail space left for Run the Jewels in fifteen minutes, to which we were immediately like UHH YES WTF and hustled our way the fuck over – made it in time, got just behind the rail for motherfucking Run the Jewels right before they went on somehow, *Killer Mike voice* goddammit it’s a motherfucking miracle. Give Kylie 5000 gold medals tbh. And RTJ ended up being probably my favorite non-headlining set of the weekend, SO MUCH FUN. The crowd was fucking nuts, everyone around me was going stupidly hard, and I discovered that I know pretty much every word of RTJ3 lmao. The only thing that could have made it more perfect would have been if they’d done Panther Like A Panther, WHICH THEY DIDN’T and was greatly missed by me. But it was amazing. I’m kind of in love with El-P’s ridiculous ass tbh.

Last show of the weekend – Nine Inch Nails!! Who I love!!!!! And hadn’t seen live in almost four years!!!!!! I’m always fucking trash for Nine Inch Nails honestly, their live shows just turn me into a raging dancing idiot and this was no exception. ‘Wish’ will always be one of my favorite songs to hear live from any band ever. Also got to hear Something I Can Never Have and Reptile for the first time ever for me which was awesome!! Bold move of Trent to throw in Something I Can Never Have as the fourth song in a festival set but I was loving it. Like I said yesterday I randomly lost my fucking mind to The Hand That Feeds lmao, I was actually jumping around like a moron. The newer songs were great too, Field On Fire FUCKING BANGS live holy shit. Basically it was just so great to cap off the weekend with band that I’ve loved for ten years and are always fucking immaculate live. And then when it was all over I got chicken strips and fries and walked out of the festival with the fam eating my delicious food. Perfection.

So that was my weekend and I honestly could not have dreamed of having a better time. I’m so so glad that I was able to do this, see some of my favorite bands with an awesome group of people who love music just as much as I do, get out of town and clear my head, and find some healing at a time when I really needed it. I feel very lucky.

[wearetakingthehobbitstogallifrey]

Thanks for the tag @themoonslayer!!

the last

drink: water with lemon in it

phone call: talking to my mom about how I didn’t want a second date with a guy

text message: “OMG that video is amazing!!!”

song you listened to: Not Gonna Die by Skillet

time you cried: tears threatened my eyes? reading a fic by @camsthisky.  I wept like a baby? watching Scarlet Heart Ryeo Episode 16 with my mom...you know, the episode where those two people die and that one guy has to kill the other guy...

dated someone twice: nope...three first dates and everytime I was like nah

kissed someone and regretted it: haha yeah no never been kissed 

been cheated on: can’t get cheated on if you never have someone to be cheated on by

lost someone special: yes

been depressed: yes

gotten drunk and thrown up: no thank heaven.  I’ve gotten tipsy a few times, and one time I was maybe slightly more?  it was at a wine tasting at a Ren Faire and it was outside and SUPER hot and I hadn’t eaten in a while and when I walked I felt REALLY weird like the world was not exactly stable and I ended up hanging on my bestie’s arm and giggling at everything she said

three favourite colours

purple

green

probably silver or black

in the last year have you

made new friends: yes :) 

fallen out of love: nah

laughed until you cried: maybe?  laughed myself silly oh yes  

found out someone was talking about you: found out a coworker was getting annoyed with me but the feeling was mutual so *shrugs*

met someone who changed you: Ahn Min Hyuk :D (hey, it doesn’t say fictional characters don’t count) this man is beautiful and sweet and handsome and sarcastic and precious and hilarious 

found out who your friends are: just rediscovered the fact that my friends are truly amazing 

kissed someone on your facebook list: Nope

general

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life? All of them?

do you have any pets? My family has a black lab named Smokey (middle name O’Reilly, because we are half Irish and we give our dogs middle names, because when you are really mad at them you need to whip out their full names, and three names is better than two) we raised this dog from birth and he is my brother/son/sweetheart and I love him to death and he loves me and it is a beautiful relationship and we cuddle all the time

do you want to change your name? Absolutely not!  I love my first name because I was named after St. Monica who is awesome, and also I love having a name that is not as usual and doesn’t have twenty different spellings 

what did you do for your last birthday? My friend took me to see Doctor Strange!

what time did you wake up? 9:15 AM

what were you doing at midnight last night? doing my end of shift work at the restaurant I work at every Friday night

name something you can’t wait for: The Last Jedi I need it NOW and I need Ben Solo reconciling with his mom NOW and I need the evolution of Reylo NOW

when was the last time you saw your mum: last Sunday, when we watched Gilmore Girls together :)

what are you listening to right now? the wind blowing the leaves in the tree outside and the ticking of my ceiling fan

have you ever talked to a person named tom? my parents’ elderly neighbor

something that is getting on your nerves: when people say: Kylo Ren is abusive to Rey (newsflash: no, they are enemies, not lovers), when people ignore Tim Drake, when people hate Jason Todd, when people ship the Batbros together like holy heck going through AO3 and seeing all the Dick/Dami fics makes me want to vomit.  also please do NOT ship Bruce with his kids ugh

most visited website: “tumblr, unfortunately.” SAME.  also AO3

hair colour: dark brown with reddish tints

long or short hair: an inch or two below my shoulders.  It is nice for summer but I want it to grow back because I miss making my hair as elvish as possible

do you have a crush on someone? like 35 fictional guys...

what do you like about yourself? I love.  I love stories, I love characters who tear my heart out, I love nature and all the little beautiful things like leaves and stars and the smell of corn, I love people, I love my friends and family and would literally die for them

piercings: Five.  Two in each ear lobe and one up in the cartilege (is that the helix piercing I can’t recall).  I had my naval pierced twice but it migrated out each time :(

blood type: O (+?)

nickname: Gal, ninja, years ago some coworkers called me Moni, my nephews and niece called me Merica for a while after one of them couldn’t pronounce my name :D

relationship status: Single

zodiac: Scorpio

pronouns: She

favourite tv show(s): aha aha.  So many.  I just started Akayona right now and love it to death

tattoos: Not yet

right or left handed: Right

surgery: never thank heavens

sport: I did bowling in middle school and high school and did Kyokushin karate in college

vacation: favorite?  I used to go to Surfside Beach with my family, and on e time I went to DragonCon with my bestie.  good times

pair of trainers: huh?  like sneakers?  I have a pair of Nike and a pair of New Balance for working out or hiking.  otherwise I avoid em like the plague.  barefoot or flipflops is where it’s at

more general

eating: this is too vague!  um ice cream? spaghetti?

drinking: vanilla chai tea, apple cider, Mike’s Hard Lemonade?

i’m about to: go to the gym

waiting for: the Last Jedi. DC to put out their streaming service.  Young Justice season 3.  the casting of Nightwing, so that I know whether to keep being excited or to rage rage and punch a wall

want: patience and a little more concentration so I can finish my thesis

get married: perhaps some day.  Marriage is so beautiful and the idea of loving someone like that is something I would cherish, and I would love having kids, and I also think I want to adopt?  But I also want to let things happen according to God’s will and time.  If He doesn’t want me to marry it shall be well

career: trying to be a novelist here

which is better?

hugs or kisses: Hugs are the bomb, but kisses are good too

lips or eyes: Eyes

shorter or taller: I like being short but I like guys who are tall. height difference for the win

older or younger: Older or same age I guess

nice arms or nice stomach: ? idk.  I am maybe slightly superficial so both? :/ but yeah, hair is probably even more important

hookup or relationship: Relationship for sure

troublemaker or hesitant: is this about me or who I am attracted to?...I am confused

have you ever

kissed a stranger: Nah son

drank hard liquor: Yes, I prefer hard liquor over beer most days...when I even drink...which is like maybe once a month, and like one, maybe two drinks

lose glasses/contact lenses: I lose my glasses every day when I take them off and go shower and then I am running around my room like where the heck?!

turned someone down: Yeah...a couple guys have asked me out who I was just NOT interested in

sex on the first date:  No.  I think sex is a beautiful, special thing and I want to wait till I get married 

Originally posted by animatedtext

had your heart broken: ...yeah

been arrested: haha no.  and somehow I even got out of a ticket when I was going 20 over the speed limit in a residential area (i was cruising and not thinking and forgot the speed limit had recently changed)

cried when someone died: yes

fallen for a friend: oh yeah.  twice.  

do you believe in

yourself: Most days

miracles: absolutely

love at first sight: attraction at first sight, though I do think that some people have the gift of genuinely loving someone very quickly

santa claus: I did till I was like 7 or 8 and then my parents explained they left the gifts under the tree and that we had to keep the idea of Santa Claus in our hearts and that since I was in on the secret I had to be Santa Claus and a secret keeper for my little bros.  It was so fun and exciting and joyous

kiss on the first date: I studiously avoid getting kissed on the first date.  though it was maybe because I quickly decided I was not attracted to the guy

angels: yes.  I  believe in them with all my heart and am so grateful to God for them.  In particular I love my own guardian angel, who has comforted and encouraged me many times, and I swear is the only reason I have not crashed my car or been in a car crash several times over

other

eye colour: Hazel

favourite movie: Lord of the Rings (all of them), Star Wars (all of them), Harry Potter (all of them) and so many it is impossible to name them all.  one of my recent favorites was King Arthur The Legend of the Sword

Well this was really long so I won’t tag anybody but if you wanna fill this out please do so and tag me so I can see it!

[wildgrave]

what do u love about ur friends

idk which one of ya sneaky bastards sent this but i’m not gonna complain b/c i will take any possible opportunity to gush about my friends.

update: this got entirely out of hand and i just wrote about like... everyone i talk to. if u talk just ctrl + f ur name (but don’t feel bad if you’re not in here b/c i’m doing this off the top of my head and can’t remember everyone!! also a lot of these are hs friends who don’t have tumblrs but u asked anon so)

i honestly love them all for different reasons tho!! i’m not going to tag everyone but: thanh is great for a straightforward answer & we have the same awful sense of humor which is basically 8 years of memes to reference (also she says no romo a lot which i find rly funny for some reason??). hannah is super loving and supportive and always looking out for me. jessie is wry and clever and honestly has every reason to get annoyed at me 24/7 but somehow doesn’t. whitten i talk to every day and is super rational about my problems which is helpful when i need solutions (also dank memes). gaby is great b/c we both have a lot of the same interests (feminism, art, fashion, shit-talking ppl, etc) and gets riled up about my problems which is great when i need someone to get angry with. colette also gets angry, usually angrier than me, about my problems and is the best person to offer to beat boys up (b/c i know if she gets drunk enough she will fight anyone). kathleen is great b/c we always end up doing something ridiculous and it’s fun and makes a good story. brooke is the fucking funniest person i have ever met and thinks she’s punk rock but is secretly boujee as fuck. amber also thinks she’s punk rock, but has the softest, purest heart of gold of anyone i’ve ever met (also she comes up with the most ridiculously hilarious ways to proposition me). claire and i can talk about absolutely anything and send each other close ups of pimples but also take nudes of eachother and honestly if thats not true friendship then what is?? sofie is honestly brilliant and always has clever comments to make and i’m lowkey in love with her to this day and i mean, if you’re not a little in love with your friends wyd?? mila is so sweet and i can have fun with her doing anything, like we don’t even need to go anywhere we can just have philosophical talks on my bed and it’s chill. sammy and i have only chilled irl once but she’s really quiet and nice but occasionally makes rly snarky comments about straight ppl which are hilarious. lucy is never on skype but when she is we have a fuckin field day and she’s so petty but like... in a funny way? i’ve only hung out with andie once (which i’m trying to change before she goes back to vegas) but she’s so into musical theatre and i love reading her tweets about it b/c i love how passionate she is! dylan makes awful decisions on the daily like... blowjob competition? rly dyn? and it’s so funny to hear about and he gives ridiculous but funny advice and is super australian and always says “bruv” which is super funny to me. jenna i’m p sure is going to be running the world in two years (also holy shit she’s graduating college?? my bb girl is growing up :’)). adja is so funny b/c i thought she was super by the rules in hs but now she’s a wild child. aidan (as in the senior in hs, not the one my age) sends me #relatable memes and even tho we don’t talk often it gets deep as shit when we do (but i lowkey don’t trust him b/c of his opinions of iron fist smh). allie is in my race & ethnicity class and is just nice all around and we DM eachother on twitter sometimes like ‘what was that awful presentation in class’). nick from polisci is so knowledgeable about politics but makes the issues funny w/o being offensive and shannon (also from polisci) dresses rly cute and we have fun conversations & the three of us have a funny group chat for our presentation. quinn is such a wannabe edgelord but is honestly so pure and a good friend. asmaa is the sweetest possible person and we always tease quinn together. ricky continously gives me a hard time about everything but in a funny way and patiently explains WoW lore to me. JT is also fun to play WoW with and makes me feel like a baby b/c he’s and old man. rebecca’s steadfast belief in drarry makes me smile and i love her writing. harri is one of my many wives and her snapchats are amazing (as are her boobs). kinzie i rarely talk to but i can still hit up sometimes like whats up bitch today i had sex while listening to wtnv. cassie, becca, and eleanor are all rly cool and super pretty and nice to chill with and i love their art and photography and general personalities. georgie gave me the sweetest poem and letter last summer when i was feeling down and we have similar aspirations and i’d love to work with her in my career sometime! marko and henry are married istg but anyway marko is such a genuine, honest person and henry is an amazing writer and i loved english with him and it’d make me happy if we were closer. lena is my protege and i am an awful mentor b/c i never see her since i graduated but she is my child. layla is the baddest bitch i have ever met, her nails are always amazing and we can be catty together and blast nicki minaj. sarah is so funny b/c everyone thinks she’s reserved and studious and stuff (and she kinda is) but once you get to know her she is the sassiest person you will ever meet. my sister and i fight sometimes over me stealing her clothes constantly but we bond over how our parents drive us up the wall and also she cooks a lot which means i can steal food. the entire volstovic cycle fandom (dani, scarlett, anna, crystal, etc) are all amazing creators of things and honestly an inspiration. rimsha is the hardest working person i have ever met and i love hearing about her succeed. brady is my fellow gay (tho tbh 90% of the ppl on this list are gay b/c we flock together) and i love him for his snarkiness. all the boys i sat at lunch with in high school (garrison, rex, arun, etc) are such memes but i didn’t realize how cool they were until we graduated and now i’m like, damn i should’ve paid them more attention even tho i saw them every day. my boyfriend is my friend and he’s the most politically active person i have ever met, and he’s such a dweeb, and he makes me smile whenever we’re together (even when i’m trying to be angry at him). feihong acts like a fuckboy but is pretty dang cool if i’m being honest; he’s rly dedicated to what he does. carly and i don’t talk but i appreciate her paintings and selfies and funny tweets from afar. morgan and i were at a fidlar concert once together and we both couldn’t survive the mosh pit (also her instagram captions are fuckin hilarious am i right or am i right?). kelly is a goddamn klepto but we always have fun together drinking coffee and talking about pens and i love and support her art and she does the same for mine. charlotte is chill and i miss just hanging out in her basement b/c she’s such a gemini but in a good way. the ppl i sit with on campus (sumaiya, alex, zuri, etc) are always having interesting convos and share food and it’s a good time. my cousin and her husband (nat and ron) are the most punk ppl in their 30s and they introduced me to the punk scene and i miss them b/c they moved back to kansas. shakey’s photography on insta makes me feel pensive and i want to go to philly just to meet her. miki i’m not super tight with but her writing is a+ and makes me cry and i love rping with her. rina is such a cool mutual and her art is dope. lea is also a cool chic and i love her hair and want her to bake my wedding cake. mousse is so nice to everyone. ellie and i only talk like twice a year at family parties but we can always dive back in and pick up where we left off. the ppl i party w (other aidan, jakob, justin, etc) are dumbasses (i use that term endearingly) but i’m 98% sure they’ve all carried me to the toilet when i’ve been puking my guts out at a party. marley was that friend that ended up going to yale and no one was surprised so i admire her success but also she was always kind to me and always asked how i was doing with my mental illnesses. renee and maria and i bonded over ib art and sga and generally being over-worked by our sponsor. alanna was another one of my proteges who i need to keep up with better b/c she’s badass and funny and has the best eyebrows ever. i don’t talk to sidney anymore but we went thru so much together and supported eachother a lot a few years ago and i still love em for that. eddie is such a dweeb, everytime i see him (which is a surprising amount considering he lives in miami) we act like nothing has changed and go at eachothers throats. rachel m & galen have both grown so so much since i met them and i’m proud of them. rachel s is so fun to talk about hoe things with and laugh at eachother. marco has the best finsta of anyone ever. danny and i talk over snapchat every so often (like every month or so) and we have the weirdest convos like?? let’s name your imaginary lizard. zamzam (from my creative writing class last semester) was super fun to hang out with when she came over and actually everyone in that class (xander, leah, olivia, will, etc) were excellent writers and hilarious and we all bonded. victor is such a bro honestly he’s funny and is very attentive (actually listens) and is fun sober or not. sandra i’ve known since i was a baby and never really talked to until recently but she’s so nice to talk to about small things. alyssa i stalk obsessively on goodreads b/c who else can read that much, istg girl you’re a cyborg (but like a pretty one). rp buds that i haven’t mentioned so far (mario, mackenzie, etc) i value a lot for their companionship and writing. there are tons of ppl from hs that i wish i had gotten to know better when i was there (julia, drea, tina, both erins, bridget, etc). 

and yeah there are more ppl but those are mostly ppl i talk to at parties or dm occasionally or wish i was friends with but admire from afar. anyway. this got long. I JUST LOVE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!