#i got kind of caught up at the end
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We only see each other at funerals
(On Jason, Thalia, Nico, Bianca, and their parallels/connections)
The Titan's Curse (Rick Riordan), @/anxiousmaya_, Right Now (Gracie Abrams), The Battle of the Labyrinth (Rick Riordan), Joan of Arc (Mary Gordon), The Lost Hero (Rick Riordan), Episodes Toward and Elegy for Halley's Comet (Lindsey Drager), Jason Grace (Riordan Wiki), The Gods Show Up (Michael Kinnucan), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), What the Living Do (Marie Howe), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), Planet of Love (Richard Siken), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), Tangerine (Nolune), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), I Bet On Losing Dogs (Mitski), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/abhorarchive (Twitter), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), Seventeen (MARINA), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/rollercoasterwords, The Tyrant's Tomb (Rick Riordan), @/the-overanalyst, Where Things Come Back (John Corey Whaley), Grit (Silas Denver Martin), Softcore (The Neighbourhood), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Frost (Mitski), @/moonbends, I'm Your Man (Mitski), Sun Bleached Flies (Ethel Cain), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Three (Sleeping At Last), My Art
#nono you don't understand it's about the siblings#it's about how thalia lost jason once only to get him back and lose him again#it's how jason and bianca both walked into their deaths with their eyes wide open#it's about zeus trying to kill nico and bianca and him doing nothing to stop jason from dying#it's about thalia being in the hunters and nico hating her but he knows how to grieve with that kind of loss#so he'll help her. for jason. for bianca. because no one deserves to mourn a sibling alone#like these four barely interact but they're soooo connected i could go on forever#i'm so sad thalia and nico never actually got a scene together after the burning maze#and ALSO#it's about the fact that reyna is one of the most (if not the most) important people left in their lives#LIKE#do you think thalia found out how close nico and reyna were and started watching her more closely#because every person the two of them have shared has ended up six feet under#so reyna gets annoyed with how protective thalia is but she doesn't stop her bc part of her can tell thalia needs it#and nico constantly checks to make sure reyna's life force is still strong#bc he never wants to be caught off guard by a death again#ok im done now i promise#the trials of apollo#trials of apollo#nico di angelo#reyna ramirez arellano#reyna avila ramirez arellano#web weaving#fanart#my art tag#thalia grace#jason grace#percy jackson#percy jackson fanart#bianca di angelo
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i like lucas 😌 and so do the orphans pretending that the orphanage wasnt getting torn the fuck up at the very end
pretending that there was any story left after lucas woke up in the hospital bed. im sorry for making cute headcanons about stupid movies. it will happen again
#lucas reyes#isha malik#josh hartnett#charithra chandran#fight or flight 2025#fight or flight#fight or flight movie#my art#yes that was an orphanage he woke up in at the end#at least according to the original script#ik ive been saying a lot of stuff makes lucas endearing to me but him having such a connection with kids is soooo huge to me#from the little kid trying to steal his money to his change of heart after finding out the real reason why theyre after ghost#i think kids love him and think hes so cool (see: kids drawing pic and the little guy with hair not unlike lucases showing him his drawing)#even if lucas himself isnt really a fan of kids#lucas has a really stupidly strong set of morals ❤️ brunt you shouldve known you werent getting ghost back w No.1 Woman Respector over here#being nice to kids and letting them use you like a jungle gym (after hes healed a bit) is just basic human kindness…#also idk if u can tell: i like drawing in childrens style. its kind of like my normal style💀😓#i got so caught up in the orphanage stuff that i forgot i drew a thirst trap of him here my bad#and the whale tail drawing my bad
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So I went to the wiki page for the henghill Bullet & Brain mission of 2.2 looking for some dialogue I had missed and
a) I found something incredibly tasty that slotted into some other thoughts I'd been having, more on that on another day, and
b) I saw this super fun little trivia at the bottom, which!
I knew Penacony characters like Boothill took a lot of inspirations from old movies, but I didn't realize it was even in his and Dan Heng's relationship, that's so cool!!
It fits them very well, it's such a fun reference. "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" was an old buddy Western film (from 1969- nice) about a pair of outlaws. Butch Cassidy was the leader of a gang, and described as clever, affable, and talkative. Meanwhile, his closest companion, the Sundance Kid, was known as a man of few words.
Cassidy's original birth name was much more plain, but similar to Boothill, he took on a new moniker when he became an outlaw. "Cassidy" had been the last name of his beloved mentor, who taught him how to shoot and ride. And Sundance Kid was known as he was because Sundance was the name of his hometown, and it was the only place that had ever managed to catch and jail him, back when he'd been younger (also similar to Dan Heng, but ouch).
These two stick together like glue throughout the length of the film- through Cassidy's leadership of the gang being challenged, through a train robbery gone wrong, through being pursued by mercenaries, and even through fleeing to Bolivia and trying to start over together.
I don't want to say too much more, since the mission title is referencing one specific movie that I've never seen. I kinda wanna watch it now, though, just to see the inspiration that went into Boothill and Dan Heng and how they get along. I just think it's really sweet that these two were literally made to be the best of bros, how lovely is that. 💕
#honkai star rail#this can be ship or plantonic tbh yall are always free to tag my ramblings as you please haha#just! they're so sweet!!#FWENDS#i would love to see more of them being a dynamic duo further down the line ���#i think the film moved things along a little quicker but the real life Cassidy and Sundance were actually in south america for a few years#they fled there to get away from pursuers along with Sundance's girlfriend Etta Place.#supposedly they managed to buy a small ranch and the three of them lived peacefully (and even lawfully!) together for like three years-#-until the law caught up with them again#at some point Etta Place returned to the US reportedly due to illness rather than not wanting to get caught like in the film#Sundance may or may not have escorted her back. but whether he did or not he returned to South America with Cassidy#the two of them eventually got into a huge firefight with authorities where Sundance was fatally shot and Cassidy chose to end his own life#that's the most common story anyway. some also say Cassidy snuck back into the US again where he lived quietly until his death.#but it reads kind of like rumors of Elvis Presley sightings to me BSMZKNSKS#the film ended much more happily with the two of them getting into shenanigans and a freeze frame of them in a hail of bullets haha#i wanna see Dan Heng and Boothill fight together too it would be so cool aaaaaa#they would be great at getting into shenanigans! as we've already seen!!#fun bonus info: Boothill's ult literally puts black bars at the top and bottom of the screen to look like a widescreen Western movie#fun bonus info 2: Cassidy was regarded with respect by some people bc he never stole from the poor he only robbed big companies#this is actually nicer than Boothill is in canon bc he openly admits he will rob someone blind if he doesn't like them BSKZKKZMSKDK#(although I feel like its implied he has more standards for this than he gives himself credit for.#like he makes it pretty clear he doesn't particularly like Argenti at first and thinks he's annoying as shit but I'm sure he didn't rob him#...would have been real fucking funny if he did though oh my god I would love to see him try that. it absolutely would not work BSKZKNSKSJS#hsr#henghill#bootheng#dan heng#boothill#hsr boothill#hsr dan heng
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house dayne hair, fashion and aesthetics please c:
Ask and you shall receive 🔮
Since the Daynes live kinda near the marches, I feel like there’s some crossover between Dornish and Stormlander fashions going on. It’s hot enough in the day to wear loose cotton clothing, but cold enough in the evenings to wear snug and heavier coats and over garments. (Also the picture on the left is my new headcannon for Ashara and Allyria)
I think there is a variety of headwear that the Daynes use. In the sun and hot weather they use cotton veils and coverings to keep their scalps and necks and faces safe from the sun. In colder seasons they wear heavier fabrics to keep their ears and neck warm. And for ceremonial/celebratory stuff, they wear small headpieces with gauzy veils. Not much for practicality but it looks pretty 🫶
For the parts of the hair that are uncovered, I like to think the Dayne women braid it with silver silk, especially if they’re wearing purple clothing (gotta rep the team) but I think it’s also a Dornish thing in general to braid it so that it looks like a spine/spear cause unbowed unbent unbroken (also shoutout to @dreamsofdany who was doing hair drawings and came up with that idea!!) and I think unmarried girls especially like silk turbans/head wraps but they still wanna show off their silky hair so maybe it’s a trend to pull out the curls (the westerosi version of girls pulling ‘the strands’ out of their ponytails)
Also I fuck with these outfits in particular for the Dornish as a whole (well mostly northern dornish bc it would be too much to wear in like sunspear) idk maybe as some sort of traditional attire for either weddings or cultural events or maybe pregnant women wear this kind of silhouette in particular bc it’s just more comfortable and practical. Also the men totally wear this as a ceremonial/wedding fit bc I think the hats and fringe and embroidery go hard
And when I say jewelry you say silver. I know most of the Dornish are probably gold jewelry girls, but the Daynes have to stay true to their purple and silver brand. The women probably have ancient family heirlooms that are “made from the same fallen star that Dawn was forged from” that they hand down generation to generation. So the worthiest knight gets to become the Sword of the Morning, the baddest Dayne girlie gets to become the Lady of the Dawn or something
#asoiaf#asoiaf hair and clothing#heyyy anon sorry this is late I kinda got caught up in school#also I didn’t expect to end up doing a kind of greek/Armenian mashup for the inspo but I’m kind of loving it#and I know you said aesthetic which makes me wonder if I should start doing aesthetic posts that would be kinda fun ngl…#anyways I hope u like this 🏄🏻♀️
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I caved and made them real. Obverse me losing more and more motivation to draw as I made each of these back to back lol
#keese draws#oc art#oc#pmd#pokemon#pokemon mystery dungeon#pmd oc#these guys are inspired by my usual pokerogue team#oh also imagine a question mark after every he/him I have the trans woman beam pointed at all of them#these are just initial concepts for the actual characters themselves now that I’ve developed the world a lil bit#but yeah these 4 were childhood friends who wanted to be in an exploration team together but had to split up for years#tart and quart both had to move away and cart ended up leaving his hometown to try and become a real adventure a few months later#cart and bart remained in contact for a few years before cart got caught up in some crime circles#he was incredibly trusting when he was younger so he got taken advantage of and ended up digging himself a deeper hole in an attempt to be#manipulative back and eventually he got scared enough that he tried to reach out to a guild and acted as a spy for them in turn for them#eventually helping to clear his name and allowing him membership#there were parts of the deal that were unfair and kind of shady but he was desperate enough to pretend he didn’t notice#after he joined he started immediately putting out listings for new team members and he fully planned on being super picky#but when two of his childhood friends applied he was over the moon about it#and immediately accepted both of them#now quart also applied because he had recently ran away from his old life and was desperate to have a new one#and he missed his old friends deeply so when he saw one of them actually managed to start building the team they all wanted to make he was#quick to apply even if he was rusty as hell on normal non contest combat#cart didn’t recognize him at first and mostly only let him have a trial run because he thought it was funny that an eevee of all things was#applying for a high level exploration team and he fully planned on telling quart off immediately afterwards#this ofc made quart very upset and angry but he didn’t try to clairify who he was because he just assumed that time had made cart into an#asshole which isn’t wrong per say but quart didn’t realize cart didn’t recognize him#it was a rough trial expedition but cart found himself actually quite impressed with quart’s slight of paw skills and his impressive biting#speed so he decided to give quart a real chance instead of a mocking one#eventually quart laughs for the first time around him and that makes cart realize who he is and that makes him feel horrible
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play this picrew where u can make a guy that looks like nanami & kissy him LOLZ muah💋
#last 2 pics:#I CUT MY HAIR U KNO THE SIDE PIECES NEXT TO THE BANGS#LIKE I ALWAYS DO THEM MYSELF BUT I KIND OF FUCKED UP AND IT LOOKS LIKE A SHITTY HIME CUT LMFAO IS THIS JUST MY LIFE NOW AJEJSJSJAJA#i tried to thin it out but im scared to touch it more ajjdjsjs im just gonna leave it shewjksjajj my stylist is gonna b like wtf 😭#4th pic: only ONE of my friends my age is married i was on video call w her and i was like ooomggg i wanna wear my rings tooooooo 💕💍#im laughing i love the wedding / marriage aes but nothing else 😂#ALSO I CUT MY NAILS SO SHORT#i loove the short look tbh and the new pink cat eye polish my salon had was 1000/10 im only gonna do this color now it matches my comp <3#3rd pic: I GOT GLASSES :3 my prescription is super weak so i keep forgetting to wear them skjdjejs I GOT THE JJK COLLAB ONES FROM JINS#its the gojo model the wire frames look good on me 👍🏻 only thing is my hair gets caught on the end bits with the circle design when i take#them off 👎🏻 unyay.... LOOK AT HOW LONG MY NAILD WERE WAHHHHH#이 지랄같은 인생
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Potential January Reads
A Brilliant Night of Ice and Stars by Rebecca Connolly
Rhododendron Pie by Margery Sharp
So Big by Edna Ferber
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Vibrant Paradoxes by Bishop Robert Barron
The Diary of a Country Priest by George Bernanos
Doctor Thorne by Anthony Trollope
Katherine Wentworth by D.E. Stevenson
#monthly reading lists#books#i have so many specific books that i've been lining up#(especially since at the end of the month i was saving new books for the new year)#that i don't need the wider categories#the january categories are still represented#we have lots of vintage fiction (including an american one)#the first book is the story of the carpathia's rescue of the titanic#soon as i saw that premise i was like 'yes please'#it will cover january's category of a book with a cold setting#i read the first couple of chapters and a novel from the perspective of real people is very weird but i like the story so i'll keep going#i also started 'rhododendron pie' and it seems delightful#it's about someone straddling the worlds of normal grounded people and artsy people#and as someone from the world of normal grounded people who likes artsy stuff but still has the perspective that a lot of it is quite silly#i think it will be nice and relatable#i think i'm going to succumb to jane-eyre-ry#every time i consider a different classic reread my brain's just like 'what about jane eyre though?'#'vibrant paradoxes' is a book of essays that i got for free along with my book of church fathers#it's a very thick book to give away for free and looks good#i love essays and these are nice and short#it'll be good to dip into through the month#(i also want to read the church fathers book but that's not something to put on a monthly reading list)#(just something to read through thoughtfully like the bible)#'diary of a country priest' caught my attention months ago#and now that the library hold came in i have zero interest#but maybe putting it on a list will convince me to try#i'd kind of like to keep this one-barchester-a-month thing going and 'doctor thorne' is next#'katherine wentworth' is exactly the kind of vintage fiction that january is made for and i'd like to try and get it off my unread shelf#oh and i forgot to mention someone recommended ferber's first book#but when i downloaded that one i also figured maybe i should read the famous pulitzer-prize-winning one
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Oh ok. I get now why a lot of people didn't vibe with the ending.
All and all: excellent manga, overall very good final act, too rushed final 2-3 chapters but weak and honestly mediocre epilogue, which makes the high of the ending kind of leave a bitter taste. I think Noda had a good steed and suddenly he had to finish and had to rush all. So the ending in the sense of the final arc was good but the ending proper (final couple chapters) + epilogue......... Not so much
#i liked rhe ending (though made the mistake to read comments so now I'm like 'yeah you are right that did not make sense' when on my own i#probably would not have noticed. but ok. I'll work my suspension of disbelief. HOWEVER the epilogue WAS indeed very lackluster#i get it's an epilogue but it was so rushed. we barely get a closure for ume and saichi and tanigaki did not get to#take asirpa back to uci as he should have (though he was instrumental for that). overall it was super rushed#like we did not even see how Sugimoto was rescued. the epilogue was faaaar too rushed tbh and also too vague in parts#siraishi not really saying goodbye.... also sugimoto and asirpa living together that's cute idc and i think the line into nastyness was not#crossed but oh boy is it a thin thread... i still choose to believe they are platonic soulmates lol but i want to see an official#translation of the volume that's all i say. what else... oh yes. the way the gold never got to actually be distributed doesn't sit right#with me at all but the worst part was definitely the sugimoto/ume thing oh god that was BAD#we did get to see osoma which was cute#OH AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON VASILY??? We didn't even see him. the epoligue for him in particular was great though but his ending was not#like he just hanged around ogata gor chapters and chapters on end and we don't even get a glimpse of him during the final showdown??#tbh i think noda wanted to do something more with him but realized he did not quite fit into the story and in the end got#caught up with all the main lines he did have to close and he obviously had planned and probably combined with his own exhaustion well#did not go nice for vasily! i also would have liked a more proper epilogue for tsukishima and koito. they deserved it#I don't like how pre-epilogue the tsukishima-tsurumi-koito tension seems to reach a breaking point only to kind of not get resolved because#they have to keep fighting lol.#laura reads#also i get the sentiment of the ending regarding the ainu and i think noda did his best but it seems like a rather soft thing for asirpa to#do like... sure. museums and stuff. i GET it but it goes a little too soft in the actual colonialism that went on from the japanese. i feel#noda starts off fairly critical of that but in the end softens his stance which is a shame but ok. the bar is in hell so this is actually#much better than average from what i can personally gather of my little knowledge#golden kamuy#gk spoilers
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Okay, but one of the best things about Lice is the sheer amount of mutual pettiness it showcases between Zim and Dib for an episode that doesn't have them saying even a single word to each other
#invader zim#zadp#zade#iz posting#natterings#zim laughs at dibs expense one (1) time#and then dib gets to spend the entire rest of the episode reveling in his agony#and honestly I can't even hold it against him given it's usually him who ends episodes in such uh#catastrophically unfortunate situations#enjoy it while it lasts buddy it'll be you again next week#sidenote anyone ever think about how thoroughly this experience must've cemented zims convictions#about falling victim to horrible experiments the moment hes caught#the humans were allowed to discover *one* thing different about him#and immediately set about painfully exploiting it#plus between the lice goon running up with the 'discovery' about zims skin#and his uncharacteristic placidity#I kind of take it as implied that there WAS more experimentation between the 'my superior skin' scene and lice queen#oh and another sidenote#how do you think dib felt about being doused in his alien nemesis's liquefied skin#do you think he got home later like “SHIT I SHOULDVE TAKEN SAMPLES”
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i think i might just fucking die if i dont post this right now Ok guess what? guess? guess...u wanna guess the colour of my underwear. ok cowboys here wtf ugh anyway dont tell me its bad ill come and get you
me ^
#i HATE how this starts like its making me actually angry.#wah wah wah SHUT UP oh my god literally nothing happens im gonna beat my past self#ok i think this Kind of sucks but i literally got FIVE thousand words i cannot be caught writing anymore than that bitch no way#itll just end up sucking if i try to force more im actually gonna burn in hell for being alive#HEY QT YEAH THERES SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY#OH MYG ODI LOVE THISSONG#bleeggggghhhhhhhhhhh posting BOOOOOO i need a fic blog im gonna beat somebody up#bye bye everypony...#blah blah!#deus in absentia#they hate me because my daddy is rich and im like god damn leave me alone they want me 6 feet deep in a ditch dont hate me cos my daddy is#gatty#BLLEEEEGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#new word for it PLease#what if i vomit#i hate posting it for real stresses the piss out of me EVERY TIME like please girl whos even gonna see this !!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE FEAR !!!#mmm the weather is giving storm 😍😍😍#that is a joke please take it as such#george is ognna be taking something else soon#no he fucking isnt#wait#matty x george#i actually need to die#my fic tag
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So. Everyone who yelled at me yesterday for making a ramble on Reynie going blank and then not resolving it, this is for you: (@lemondropletters, you have been tagged)
Also, it's in a Google Doc because it was definitely too long for a Tumblr post, and ~~I don't know how AO3 works~~
The (vague) premise is that, instead of Constance seeing Curtain's broadcast, they all get to the compound mentally sound, but once there, they split up to look for Mr. Benedict, and instead Reynie finds Curtain. This is the wrap up of what would have happened in the last episode.
#I'm sorry if it's also garbage#My brain hasn't been letting me sleep the last two days so I've just been working on this#And also I've never tried writing fic before so it is highly likely to be bad#But it was certainly a fun experience!#I was like “Oh I'll just rewrite that first post in this new format and then add the notes I had in my drafts”#And from there it somehow spiraled into a five and a half thousand word mess#But I think I learned some things!#And I'm sorry Miss Perumal isn't more help I got caught up in the emotion and I just really wanted the kids to work it out themselves#Especially since Reynie is normally the driving force for those kinds of solutions#But without him it took a lot longer than I expected#Also be warned I use a lot more em dashes then I think I'm supposed to#And I was trying the technique of mostly using the adult's formal names since the main perspective is the kids'#But the point is that I did it. I tried.#And if it's terrible then I will just never do it again#I'm sorry I didn't know how to end it so it's kind of vague and abrupt#I hope it's fairly in-character I tried really hard but messing up character voices terrifies me which is why I've never tried this before#I am genuinely so sorry if this is hot garbage it certainly feels like garbage#Okay shutting up now. Again my apologies#the mysterious benedict society#mbs#reynie muldoon#kate wetherall#sticky washington#constance contraire#miss perumal
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also sorry im still not here u may see me online and therefore assume i’m capable of human communication but i am still Recovering From Lyme
#TURNS OUT IT IS A SERIOUS ILLNESS#WHO KNEW#~neurological symptoms~#i think i caught it within the danger zone but kind of at the tail end of the danger zone it was like. definitely not localized#the safety zone i mean#the doctors were like. very alarmed when i was describing the timeline#i got wfh approved though bc i showed up for a meeting & ig i looked so terrible everyone was worried i was like. dying rhdjdjd#sometimes i can talk to people and sometimes my brain just like. shuts off.#i am significantly better today tho i think. perhaps i will try to answer some asks and comments and such#i was tbh kind of worried but im not anymore the antibiotics are absolutely working so *knock on wood* i don’t think there are likely to#be long term consequences or anything
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my best advice to anyone who's still in middle/high school is to make your teachers think you are the nicest sweetest purest little goody two shoes on the planet so that you can get away with breaking rules fairly openly bc your teachers either won't believe it or will view it as a very minor issue since you're the perfect student
#this is how i broke a kids leg and physically injured a teacher twice with 0 repercussions#also make best friends with the snarky english teachers theyll protect you if you can match their repartee#literally just be like im such a perfect sweet little angel who is so so interested in history class#i would NEVER play cards in the empty orchestra room during class with some other kids. never would i break a rule its preposterous#if you have at least one teacher who views you like this theyll go to bat for you if you ever actually get caught :)#also just be autistic as fuck your classmates will hate you but ur teachers will infantilize you into non agency#i almost got suspended for wearing a hat all the time after being told not to then i told one of my favorite teachers#and she told the teacher who kept getting on to me to leave me alone#another year i feel asleep almost every day in biology and my astronomy teacher told him i was having a really hard time (i was)#so he ended up printing out the slides for me every day and asking my table mate to give me his notes when i fell asleep#which was so so sweet of both of them and i really needed that kindness and ill never forget it#but i think a more disruptive kid may not have received the same level of kindness
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i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?
can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit
#vaugepostimg on main about an irl don’t mind me#i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to#me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited#still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said they’d lmk what day they were free#and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(it was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which would’ve inherently necessitated an irl talk#and then after all that yesterday said they actually weren’t ready which. hurted#tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so it’s not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt#and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought#that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners#bcus if i care about you i show up! and i’m understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus i’m not tryna rush ever#especially when it comes to people’s emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but#despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict i’m blunt but i’m caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people#or relationships. so i’m not saying i don’t want to still be her friend#i’m just. noticing behaviors#they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them i’m very much not and like. now that i’m on the receiving end of i#idk what to do!! i’m not gonna chase her down like they’re grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space i’m going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. i’m happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they weren’t ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it#so like. who tf knows when we’ll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all#bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting#ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel#discarded?? i’m feeling like i’m failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man i’m just feeling weird about it all#and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not i’m worth#which again. kinda wasn’t expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about#but like? i don’t want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isn’t any!!!#and i can’t deal with that! i can’t spend my life with people who aren’t going to engage with me as a person who cares about them#humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. i’m gonna stop now lol
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Have I told you guys about the fucked up dreams I've been having recently? I've been having some fucked up dreams lately. yeah <3
#sorry this is mostly about a dream I had yesterday and if I just say it it's gonna sound so creepypasta-y#like I have a lot of creepypasta-y dreams it's just how my dreams have always worked hehe#It wasn't fucked up because it was scary or anything it was fucked up because of how I felt in it#how to describe it...like I was like almost too calm and accepting of my fate#like okay previous dream context (whether this was context from another actual dream or just. lore my brain made up idk)#I got sentenced to execution. It's...really hard to describe the context without it sounding really silly.#like it was a part of some sick game that a person planned out and it all ended in a white maze room#I was told I could either choose to go free from a month and then be collected for execution or be trapped in the room forever but alive#and I chose to be executed. everyone knew. we all even had silly inside jokes about it ehe#like my friends were picking music out for it. it was really silly hehe!#but the person who came to collect me for execution was so striking. she was like. almost literally a doll#A big doll!! Like she was so so tall!! she actually shrank to be more my size as the dream went on. she was strikingly pretty#and kind. she was so kind#we walked around and said goodbye to everyone. she made friendly conversation. she guided me through how everything was going to go#god the tenderness of it all makes me sqee a lil aha. a little fucked up I think#it was self-inflicted you see. Rose bushes over a tall fence. that's why she was so tall. to help me over#I caught on pretty quickly that she was a person who decided to stay in the room instead of being executed#that's what becomes of them. they become subservient to the game master. they're made to collect the ones who chose to leave and die later#she told me that deep down she kinda wished that doing this for him would convince him to make her human again and to let her be free#I told her that it was bullshit and that he'd never do that. and she was like. yeah. but a girl can dream right?#another one of those dreams that have lines that stick out in my head as well...okay one of them was just really funny#'Hey guys' 'I'm being executed today :D' 'oh. okay!'#dhdhdh#'It's scary isn't it?' 'yeah. it is' 'Well. It'll all be over soon'#like gwah. gwahhhh#'There is something wrong inside of you' levels of impact on my psyche I reckon#me and the doll girl kissed a few times. it was weirdly quite natural. nothing intensive#but I think we both had an understanding that we weren't seeing eachother again and we cared about eachother#it was so greatly platonic and nice. yearning for something I will never experience aha ^^;#Idk if I even want to be in any sort of QPR but it was definitely nice in this dream
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#good mornoon#I got up some time ago actually#not much planned today again...#also the brain zaps are coming back a bit @@#I might get a particular thing over with today but I'll not talk about that here it's a bit personal ehehe...#unrelated to that.. picayune dreams is very very good#I got the true ending by accident yesterday and it caught me so off guard.... the game's sooo good I really recommend it....#the music and the visuals were amazing the whole way through but that last boss sequence was so so so good....#recommend trying it even if those kinds of games don't interest you much...#love Izu so much she might be my new icon here soon idk yet...#let's try and make today good and get some stuff done maybe?#Youtube
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