#i hate posting it for real stresses the piss out of me EVERY TIME like please girl whos even gonna see this !!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE FEAR !!!

[bedforddanes75]

i think i might just fucking die if i dont post this right now Ok guess what? guess? guess...u wanna guess the colour of my underwear. ok cowboys here wtf ugh anyway dont tell me its bad ill come and get you

[iamumbra195]

I hate when people talk about Ashler like it’s inconceivable to ship them.

They’ll be like “Oh, they had so much beef, they’re barely even friends.” Genuinely asking here, have you even read the webtoon if you think that?

Tyler had issues with practically everyone at the beginning, hell, most of the kids didn’t even like each other. Ben, Aiden, Ashlyn, and Logan all thought he was a jerk and he was acting like one because he was trying to protect himself and Taylor and the whole situation was stressful as hell. That’s why his character development is so good. Even Ashlyn remarks that he’s being less of a jerk in one chapter and Taylor says that he's begun to see the others as real friends, maybe even family.

They all eventually became allies and then friends, including Ashlyn and Tyler. Sure, they like to throw some sarcastic remarks at each other but that’s just their sense of humour and part of the appeal of their friendship. Same with Aiden and Tyler, they insult each other all the time but the insults that were originally meant to hurt are now used affectionately.

He gave Ashlyn a nickname guys. He gave a jokey nickname to cheer her up because she felt terrible about the fact that she had to leave him behind while he got terribly hurt, while he died. She literally started crying out of guilt and being overwhelmed by the whole situation. She cares about him and he cares about her and the whole gang cares about each other, which is why there are so many ships in the fandom to begin with.

So stop acting like anyone who ships Ashler is stupid and stop saying ‘they’re like siblings’ on every post about them. We know it’s probably not gonna be canon, hell, Red herself said romance isn’t the focus of the webtoon at all.

I don’t even like shipping in general but the TikTok fandom keeps pissing me off. Stop acting like everyone has to ship the same things as you and stop commenting shit like ‘cute edit but I wish it was Aidlyn’ or ‘They’re just friends, they act like siblings’. Like yeah, they’re not canon but you’d have to be blind if you couldn’t see why some people ship it. Stop shitting on people’s ships and let them have their fun, we all know they’re not canon.

NONE OF THEM ARE.

Anyway, that’s the end of my rant. Sorry, I keep getting Ashler hate every time I search it up on TikTok. It’s so stupid and annoying, let people ship who they want in peace and stop undermining Ashlyn and Tyler's canon friendship and character development to shit on people’s ships. It’s an insult to the characters and your ability to read between the lines.

Live, Laugh, Love Ashler.

[zootopiathingz]

Genuine question: Why do you ship Radiobelle? I've seen a lot of people doing it, and I'm curious as to what the appeal is!

The real question is, why do people ship anything? Why do we all see two or sometimes more characters interact with each other and imagine how cool it would be if they both had deep-seated romantic feelings for the other?

Answer: cuz we can!😌

Idk about the rest of you, but I don’t exactly have much control over what I ship and don’t ship😅 I just see the characters together and my brain randomly decides either “yes I want them to make out” or “nooo I don’t really see it”

But as for Radiobelle specifically, there’s just something about them that my silly fangirl heart can’t resist. While I am fairly new to the HH fandom, I did watch the pilot around the time it came out and a small part of me did ship them back then. But I never really allowed myself to indulge in it and I just wasn’t that into the show anyway so I didn’t bother. Now, after actually watching the episodes and engaging in fandom content, I finally embraced the cringe to the full extent and let myself be consumed by the radio demon and his charming demon belle! :P

Now I’m aware that the majority of people don’t like Radiobelle, or even full-on hate it for multiple reasons. Sure, whatever. You don’t have to like every ship, nor does anyone expect you to! I can understand it’s not for everybody. The main thing that bugs me, though, is when people try to start arguments about why it’ll never be canon and why you shouldn’t ship it. “Charlie is with Vaggie and Alastor is aro/ace!” People ship Alastor with a multitude of other characters and nobody bats an eye,, why is it only when you see him being drawn with Charlie that you lose your shit and get offended about his sexuality being ‘erased’? (That’s a topic for a whole other post tbh). And people can ship Charlie with other people. Hell, they DO! I’ve seen numerous art of her and other characters.

Then there’s also the “Alastor thinks of her as his daughter!” See, I want everybody to actually watch episode 5 again and come back to me on this. No, he fucking does not. The only reason he was saying any of that was to get under Lucifer’s skin. That’s it. That was his whole intention. He doesn’t like Lucifer and wanted to rub it in his face that he has been a lousy father to his daughter, in comparison to all the ways he has helped her, with the hotel and whatever else.

Phew, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way! Onto why Radiobelle has stolen my heart!

I just love their dynamic and it all really started with the pilot. Alastor—this mysterious force of nature who can kill anyone and anything, is capable of unimaginable power and torture—randomly showing up on the doorstep of a hotel to help out. And literally no one else trusts him (reasonably so) but Charlie, the good-hearted soul she is, lets him in. She’s cautious, of course, but she’s giving him the chance to do some good because that’s what her dream is all about!

Now while I do wish they had some more interactions in the actual show, what we have so far is scrumptious✨ Alastor may have been giving an abundance of praise to Charlie to piss off her dad, but I don’t think he was lying. Deep down I’m sure he is enjoying the time they’ve spent together—even if he doesn’t fully realize it. Charlie defends Al’s sadistic behavior to her dad because he was doing it to defend the hotel (and bc he’s a cocky mf lol but it’s endearing to her in a way).

Oh and don’t even get me STARTED on episode 7 bro,, omfg the content!! The way he’s extra touchy with her even after they’ve made their deal. Her being nervous and stressed out but he encourages her anyway and verbally admits that he had faith in her the whole time. Him giving her his microphone—which is likely the main source of his power as shown in episode 8 (where he let her use his mic AGAIN!!!) which just shows how much he actually trusts her,, UGH it’s just 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻 give me more!!

Now, do I expect Radiobelle to become canon? No. Would it be fucking awesome if it did? Oh absolutely. But I know it won’t, and I don’t care! I’m having the time of my life shipping these two hell-dwelling idiots and I don’t care what anyone says about it!😋

[lowkeyrobin]

Hello I was wondering if you’d be able to write a Ranboo x Gender neutral reader, and they both just got into a heated argument that left them both crying (only if you’re comfortable with writing something like this, I’d not I completely understand, also thank you for your concern, I really appreciate it) :)

honestly struggled to find smthn to make an argument out of but I think I got something! oneshots are a little difficult for me bc I get burned out and I think the actions but can't find the right words LMAOOOO ; but this is totally find to request dw!! and of course, if you ever need to talk my messages are always open 🫶🫶🫶 ; also istg I have other ranboo headers they're just in my drafts bc I've only been working on reqs lately LMFAO

RANBOO ; burnout

summary ; youre both burned out and stressed, and take it out on each other

warnings ; language, fighting, reader is described/talked about as a writer, angry mischaracterization (it makes sense in context trust me)

word count ; 1.4k

masterlist

Both you and Ranboo had been working your asses off recently.

They had themselves so tied down to content creation that it was becoming a personal prison cell. It was like everything he did was only to appease his fans, and he didn't know how to just calm down and slow things down for his well being. From the constant, long streams to the talks with merch and production teams, it never ended. Plus, the infinite cycle of scrolling online to see all the hate they received, it was becoming too much.

You, on the other hand, constantly kept working and working through the lack of motivation and burnout with no breaks. No matter how much people reassured you that you could take a break and you didn't have to stick to a schedule, it didn't do anything. You were determined to fill out each and every request even if you barely had any idea what you were doing, you'd stay up late trying to block out what to write and how to put it into words to appease your followers. Three times a day, seven days a week, every day of the month, about 2000 posts a year, if you kept that up.

You were dedicated to writing, you loved it, and you loved that you were able to turn something you loved into a job considering "real" jobs didn't work out for you. You had streaming, but you only did that if you were writing or needed ideas or help every once in a while and wanted to share any progress and whatnot. Your eyes tended to be bloodshot on the regular, being pulled down by saggy, dark eyebags.

You trudge into the kitchen, taking a cold bowl of mac and cheese and some water back to your office with you. Ranboo glares at you from the couch, holding his phone to his ear as he talks to some big guy with money, most likely. He doesn't say anything, but you notice the look on his face, his eyes glaring daggers into you as you walk away.

You sit back down at your chair, not even touching your food. You stare at the screen, your eyes slightly protected by the dark mode you'd reinforced on the website. Your mind was blank, empty, vacant, muddled. There were no thoughts behind your glazed eyes.

Your head pounded in pain, caused by all the blue light absorption you'd been taking in recently. God, Ran hated that. How you'd fucking complain of a headache and only do everything to worsen it. It pissed him off. It made him want to yell at you to just shut up about it, considering you didn't want to do anything to help yourself.

You type away at the keyboard once more, every button press causing a little click or clack to immerse from it. The keys light up a particular shade of white, a smooth wave like pattern glazing across it once more. You stop again, unable to finish the sentence once more.

You groan and lean back in your seat, feeling the utter disgust around you. You oh so desperately needed to sit in the shower and cry, considering your stress and pain, but you couldn't. You needed to make these people happy, you owed them. You owed them for giving you a stable job and a roof over your head, the least you could do was have their requests out within a few days.

You sit and ponder about your partner. You were sure there was no love left anymore. Both of you were too financially dependent on one another to up and leave, so it had to work for now.

Ranboo, now not on the phone, nearly slams the door of your office open, smelling the ice cold pasta you hadn't even touched a few feet away. He's quick to raise his voice with a stern tone, pissed off at you once again.

"Dude, I told you dinner was ready an hour ago, what the fuck? And then you just bring it in here and don't even touch it just to stare at the damn screen some more? Are you fucking kidding?"

You roll your eyes, not wanting to deal with this again. "Fuck's it matter? This is my job, Ranboo"

"Your job isn't to please everyone who acts nice to you. Your job is to write quality content and not complain about burning yourself out or headaches that you could easily solve by touching grass! Go outside, this isn't even a job. You don't do anything other than write some stupid fantasy all day and feed into people's delusions, Y/n!" He quickly rants, scoffing at the end.

"Holy shit, you're one to talk! Meh meh, meh, I'm so miserable, and I do all these long streams for my fans, and I treat my partner like shit because I never spend time with them and enable their unhealthy behaviors! I take out my anger on them because I'm a lonely asshole." You quickly spit back, standing up from your chair.

They scoff, stepping towards you a bit, "You're so pathetic, I never want to hear you come to me with your problems again. You're dependent on me. You barely get any money off of that, let alone any to pay rent or buy your own groceries. Get into the real world where talking to fancy businessmen and actually working for your money is all you do! Walk in my shoes for one day!"

You roll your eyes again and scoff, "You don't think this is an actual job? I could say the same to you! You play video games all fucking day and beg for Twitch subs! Just because you have a fancy merch line and have some stupid show you're working on doesn't make you all high and mighty and more important than anyone else!"

"It does, actually, you have no room to complain! If you need a break, you can go take it. My schedule is busy every hour of the day, I have no time to do shit! You're an overbearing, selfish asshole!"

Now that got the waterworks going, that's what got you beyond the point of just petty arguing to genuinely fighting. You have no room to complain, yet you spend all day just trying to make people happy and not hate you, to just pump content out and pretend like you're okay. You bottle up your emotions so he won't have to worry about you, yet you're overbearing and selfish.

"You are such a fucking asshole! Everything needs to be about you, doesn't it? Every single fucking thing in the world, huh? Fine, screw you" You turn to grab the bowl of food, and quickly, out of sheer anger, throw it at him, shattering the ceramic bowl. "I hope I never see you again, go fuck yourself. You don't deserve shit of what you have, your platform, your friends, your money, anything. I hope your whole online empire comes crumbling down and you're left with nothing"

You snatch up your phone, wallet, and keys, quickly stomping past him as tears drip down your cheeks. He stands there, appalled as tears well in his glassy eyes. He tries to chase you outside once he realizes you're serious, but you'd already slammed the door so hard it might as well have fallen off the hinges. He wipes his eyes, cheeks a light red due to the sheer amount of anger he felt in the moment. He was soaked in cold mac and cheese, ruining his white hoodie.

Once the adrenaline wasn't coursing through his veins anymore, he sits himself on the kitchen floor, the cold tile against his hands being used as a grounding technique. Some ceramic dust lays on his shoes, some liquid cheese being smeared against his hoodie as he tries to use a towel to wipe the access off.

Fuck, what did he just do?

He sits in silence, rethinking the situation as tears slowly stream down his face.

He could only hope that you were safe on that bus to nowhere. That bus you used to just go anywhere but home, just to escape the horrible life you lived inside that house. The house that bound you to its walls so you couldn't escape.

You couldn't escape the pain of your popular online presence or the pain of being trapped in that house any longer. Finally, it broke, the enchantment that kept you sealed inside.

Someone had to leave, and it looked like it was going to be you this time around.

[staceymcgillicuddy]

annual writing self-evaluation

Thanks to @astorytotellyourfriends for the tag - I didn't do this last year!

1. List of works published this year (in the order that they were posted):

If She Lived in Space, Man, I'd Build A Plane crimson & clover pulling overtime model citizen; zero discipline what you give just serves me right two jack trippers and a chrissy perception check all my kinktober fills a hollow tree

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Gosh, that's hard. I'm proud of all of them for different reasons, and I have issues with all of them for different reasons. I guess I would say "what you give just serves me right" makes me happy, and was something I had to push myself to do, but I was pleased with how it turned out in the end.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I hate that I have two fics out that I haven't updated in ages! I am not proud of that! And there are a few things in all of them that I'd tweak.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Oh golly. Alright, from a hollow tree, which was my Halloween fic featuring Lilith!succubus!Chrissy:

Fog slips into the van when he opens the door. A mist so thick it’s disorienting as he drops to the ground, and the shape of a girl forms itself out of the gloom.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

Almost every single regular commenter on Soul makes my heart sing and my panties drop, and I'm so sorry my brain is being stupid right now.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Right goddamn now. It's like squeezing blood from a fucking stone, and I have no idea why, but everything comes out strained and blechy and I hate it, and I refuse to inflict it on anyone else so I'll just sit like a lump, churning out crap and never showing it to anyone.

7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

Genuinely did not think that I would get so into the Hopper/Chrissy/Eddie dynamic as I did when I wrote it as a crackship as part of kinktober. But, like, I could get DOWN with that shit.

Also, Hellcheerington surprised me. Oh, and writing Eddie's dad for Soul was weirdly cathartic? I was determined to make him a person and not a collection of cliches, which was easier said than done. I think I got there, in the end. Hope so, anyway!

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I didn't, I fucking regressed. Or, no, not really. I pushed myself a bit, tried to get sharper and cleaner with some prose. Read some theory books, worked on my rhetorical devices, forced myself to kill a couple darlings along the way (but not all the darlings, god damn it).

I also published a book, so yay?

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I'd like to get back to writing original fiction. I've been in a slump with that, too, because it doesn't have the instantaneous feedback that fanfic does. I want to split my time between fic and pro writing stuff, and I want to be very realistic about how much mental energy my real job takes up. When I used to write like a madwoman, I didn't have the role I currently do, which is a senior project manager leading a team, working mostly with executive-level staff. Don't get me wrong, my job pisses me off a lot, and stresses me out, too, but it pays well and we live in a shithole of a society where money matters in the grand scheme of things.

So, like, I guess I hope to grow as a writer in writing even when my brain doesn't want me to, or it doesn't feel great to do so.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Freaking Shirley Jackson, man. That bitch can write.

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

I'm always putting kinky shit I see or experience at the bdsm club into my fic. I am as God made me.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Everything is made up and the points don't matter. Stop comparing yourself to other authors. Turn off stats on your AO3. Write what you fucking want and quit worrying if other people are going to like it.

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I'm going to be so, so glad when Soul is done because I love it so much but it is also the millstone around my neck.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

@binickandros, @pipergirl17 and @phoenixwrites please!

[undeadorion]

Oh my god. How out of touch can you be?

As before, if you know who this is, I do not condone sending hate anon or otherwise. Ignore them or block them. Do not engage.

Last night I happened across a call for an 18+ Ghost discord server. Neat! I clicked on it and said "hi" cause someone noticed me join. Opened the general chat and that incest person was active in there. So I immediately left.

Apparently they noticed and sent me a friend request. I hit panic mode immediately, but I realized I hadn't actually directly told them to stop talking to me. So I accepted the request specifically to thell them I would not be speaking to them. And the conversation was so fucking unhinged. I can't wrap my head around this.

I don'ty usually just post full, uncensored conversations. But context is necessary, and I desperately want people to just avoid this person at all costs.

I'm struggling to put into words how wrong this all is.

"You're the one who accepted the request." That's getting into territories of consent and saying people can't say "no" after they've said "yes." I opened the door to tell you to fuck off. That does not give you the right to invite yourself inside.

The fact that they think I couldn't possibly care about "fictional ships on the internet" while dealing with real life shit. As if this is the same as worrying about people shipping best friends Binky and Blorby.

Hell, the fact that they don't ship it makes it worse. Why are you wasting your oh-so precious interent time attacking a fucking TEENAGER about it? Why aren't you following your own advice and just ignoring it? Why doesn't even fucking matter to you if it's not even something you participate in?

Just flat out refusing to even try to understand why someone would be upset by FUCKING INCEST. That's what keeps pissing me off. That they see absolutely nothing wrong in what they did is so beyond me. How do you get so isloated in your own bullshit you can't see how it's a problem?

"Life is stressful. You have no idea." I'm a whole ass decade older than you. Shut the fuck up. Everyone's got their own shit to deal with. 99% of adults carry a mountain of shit with them everywhere they go. But no, only YOU understand what it's like. I couldn't possibly fathom stress. Every single person I know is suffering under stress so severe it's a wonder we're still functional. We turn to our little fictions for a little relief. So of fucking course we care about people dragging their nasty vile garbage into the middle of our stress relief.

That little "you have no idea" is just such a self-centered thing to say about something so universal as "life is stressful." That's like insisting only you understand how blue the sky is.

Just. Shut the fuck up.

[urlocallesbiab]

ok folks, inspired by This Post (thank you for inspiration and ideas, @agent-p-94/@generalized-incompetence!), i present to you:

brotzly fake dating couple's therapy au; in the form of tumblr messages/a campfire story/an unwitten fic rundown

me: the thing is, they'd PASS

within 10 minutes of knowing each other they'd get so PISSED OFF it'd fill up an entire therapy session

just "YOU NEVER SHUT UP" and "YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME" and "I'VE NEVER MET A DUMBER PERSON" and "I'M SICK TO DEATH OF YOU CRITIQUING MY MUSIC TASTE" and "YOUR DRIVING SKILLS ARE GOING TO GET US KILLED I SWEAR TO GOD" nonstop rapid-fire with therapist barely able to squeeze a "gentlemen, please!" inbetween

and then they'd stumble out of the building and LAUGH, laugh so hard they'd be clinging to each other near falling to the ground, todd croaking that this is the best stress-release activity he'd done in YEARS, dirk clutching his stomach and crying and highlighting the best of todd insults

both would admit this is the BEST first date ever and schedule the next therapy session

every time they'd spend like 10-30 minutes getting to know each other better, and then full 45 just kvetching, sometimes just YELLING at the top of their lungs to their hearts' delight at the therapist office

agent: The best of Todd insults!!! Omg

They just argue nonstop anyway it's just a space to do that

me: and one day dirk would bring in rings, just plain metal ones (but no one has to know), justify that well, if this is a marriage ruse we might as well up our game, right? but he'd be weirdly skittish and self-conscious about it, like he's overstepping an invisible boundary; but todd would be *down* for it — he would be down for most of dirk's stupid bullshit, it's been so long since he's done any proper good shenanigans, since his life was even half this fun!

and then he'd try on the ring and laugh again because it *doesn't fit*, and dirk would get half-jokingly defensive that he didn't know his size!!, and todd would let him take the measuremnts (bc for what purpose would he know his own ring finger size), and dirk's breath would catch holy and uncomfortably

next time, dirk would get him a good, fitting ring, and it'd make weird things shift in his stomach

agent: OR it would be the RIGHT size, holistically

And he's like well I have to wear it now

And maybe they actually stumble upon something real in the middle of it - Dirk is going full monologue about the dishwasher and he says something and todd stops yelling back and looks unusually affected and is like wait...really? And then they just stare at each other for a minute and Todd is like ...I never knew that. And then they stare some more. And then the therapist is like ummm our time is up? I'm just gonna... Go? And then they're really quiet on the drive home but the next morning they have a new understanding

me: DIRK LETTING HIS TRAUMA PEEK THROUGH AND TODD ACCEPTING IT WHOLEHEARTEDLY

it's silent the whole ride, but just before he drops dirk off (dirk had been BANNED from the wheel since their first date/session) he goes "so, this..... [dryly, as not to disturb, sums up dirk's thing] it's real?"

dirk, usually so talkative, just helplessly shrugs, then shakes his head at himself, then somberly nods a few times, confirming that yes.

todd puts a hand on his knee and goes "dude. this is messed up. i'm so sorry."

dirk just nods some more, tearing up, because even though the words are simple, he's never heard anyone say them, never dared to share, and it hits him so deeply and painfully to be finally validated

he stumbles home, and cries for the whole evening, and feels lighter than usual afterwards

agent: The tragicomedy of falling in love with your own husband...........

me: i think for WORST results they agree it's just a fun platonic thing for shits and giggles before they meet up for the first time

and like, in the therapist's office they're this TERRIBLE couple who HATES each other, and outside of it they're just two guys being dudes, and romance, even fake, exists only in glimpses and doorways, and when the pit of longing opens, there's utterly nothing to stuff in it but stolen glances.

farah is the same therapist's normal patient with actual mental health issues she's trying to work through, and when they meet her in the waiting lobby for the first time they UTTERLY FAIL to convince her that their shtick is real, so they resort to *begging* her not to sell them out, and even though she's really on the fence about the whole thing and is unsure if it's morally okay to do, she gives in to dirk's Professional Puppy Eyes

after a while she gets unashamedly invested and demands they fill her in on the newest lies

maybe in one of dirk's bluffs/"attempts to hone the backstory" he invites himself to todd's apartment to better learn his habits and where he lacks in his homesteading

("well, when do i get to learn what chores do *you* fuck up?" todd asks playfully

"oh, just all of them!" dirk answers nonchalantly

in truth, he just doesn't want todd to see his barely lived-in, depressinly dirty short-term rented apartment. in the time dirk's been here, this city hasn't started feeling any more like a home.

in truth, dirk posted that stupid craigslist ad on his first week here, drunk and lonely and in mood for hijinks and out of his mind desperate for human connection; todd was actually looking for some simple one-off jobs to earn some quick buck, but couldn't resist a Stupid Idea when it dangled itself in his face)

todd gives him a quick tour, dirk half-heartedly criticizes the 3 dirty dishes in the sink and the mildly overflowing laundry hamper, and then for most of the evening they drink beer and play card games with todd's trusty ratty 10 years old deck that misses a jocker and a two of hearts (they decide to forgo the twos altogether) but overall is fine, dirk teaches him a couple of weird local games he'd picked up over the years, then tries to do card tricks but gets half of them wrong, they laugh a lot, todd makes grilled cheese, dirk says that if they ever feel the need to add a dash of appreciation into their sessions — just for some contrast and zest — then he'll admit that he *adores* todd's cooking, todd smiles bashfully and says man that's just some grilled cheese it's not that big of a deal

they pass out on the couch together, and dirk wakes up with a sore neck, sour mouth, and entangled limbs, and feels so at peace and right, and doesn't move, wishes for todd to sleep for longer, just so they could stay like this

then they find out todd doesnt have a spare toothbrush, so dirk has to make do with some gum while todd apologizes profusely

todd's got a shift in the late morning, so they do an awkward half-hug with back-patting, and dirk leaves

when dirk's getting himself a late breakfast at the corner store, he almost buys himself a toothbrush to keep in todd's apartment; then discards the thought; then buys it anyway, but tells himself it's a spare one for his own home, for when he'll need to throw the old one out. he never brings up the toothbrush thing around todd.

also he thinks it's a shame he couldn't brush his teeth, because then he could've kissed todd without worrying about bad breath; he discards that thought even quicker and farther

during one of the sessions, todd accidentaly makes a comment that actually gets to dirk, that makes him feel self-conscious and inadequate and upset

after they've done for the day, dirk asks if this is how todd *really* feels about him?.. todd says no, of course not! all of this is in good fun, just a friendly yelling match. he'd never say *anything* with an actual intention to hurt dirk; now that dirk brought that comment up, todd's never going to repeat it

"you seem like a good guy, you know? i genuinely like you," todd says

dirk feels very very warm

and maybe they sometimes spend time after the sessions too, and sometimes even on free days, just hanging out, relaxed and having fun, enjoying the company

and maybe one day it goes a little too well, and dirk gets a little too brave, and admits to todd that he's started feeling some kind of romantic interest, and asks if he would maybe like an actual date some other time

todd snaps at him.

tells dirk that he's only seen glimpses of todd, that these joke-sessions and little hang-outs show almost nothing of the real him, that he's a *mess*, that dirk doesn't know what he's getting himself into and should back off, that todd's a horrible person who's not worth the trouble

dirk tries to get to him, but todd gets even more defensive, even more closed off, pushes him away, makes that awful painful comment he'd promised he wouldn't say.

they don't show up for the next session.

dirk mops by the building on the scheduled day anyway, because he dislikes his routines disrupted when it's not him doing that, and because he's got nowhere to go, and because he secretly hopes todd will come around anyway (he doesn't.)

he meets farah after her actual session: she's had a Bad one today and is distraught, and dirk suggests they get hammered together. farah thinks it's an unhealthy coping mechanism, but after all of 15 seconds of deliberating she agrees

then she cries into his shoulder about her family and expectations and failed police exams and that she's a *failure* and will never get better, and he shakes her by the shoulders and near-yells that she's AMAZING, and fuck her family, and all cops are bastards anyway! she gets affronted and mentions her brothers and father, then realizes those people Are fucking bastards, then laughs and agrees with dirk and cries some more

dirk spills his entire conundrum, start to finish, only 5 useless tangents for the length of the whole thing which is not too bad of a ratio by his own measures, and farah tells him that todd's bullshit is Bullshit, capital B! if therapy taught her *anything* is that any person is capable of change ("you don't need to change yourself though," dirk pipes up; "YEAH, IM FUCKING PERFECT!" farah answers triumphantly), that this is just stupid excuses for excuses! (yeah!) and if dirk thinks that *farah*, with All her failures and fuck-ups, is not a lost cause (of course not!), then neither is todd! (damn, you're making a point!)

they swap some more personal stories, farah almost has a lesbian crisis in front of him but decides to throw up instead, and they leave the bar mostly in good spirits

dirk sleeps all of it off, but the next morning, even though Severely Hangover, he is no less determined.

he stakes out todd's apartment building (he did drop him off the first time; and even though he doesn't remember the adress for shit after all this time, he Luckes Out [after stubbornly cruising the general area for two hours straight])

and confronts him. tells todd that their friendship has been meaningful for dirk, no matter how little todd might think of it. (todd winces. he doesn't say it, but all of this was close to his heart too; he never meant to come off like he did, save for coming clean as an asshole; he *does* care about dirk, rather unreasonably much.) that dirk doesn't ask todd to give *him* a chance, but give *himself* a chance. that no person is irredeemable.

todd is eerily quiet. he invites dirk in, makes him some tea. sits silently at the table for a few minutes. and then, it all spills out: what he'd done to his band, to his *sister*, to himself; what a true actual hopeless horrible Asshole he is. he gets almost angry halfway through, voice rising, — either at dirk or at himself, it's not clear. dirk sits it all out. tells todd that is isn't the worst it could've been. todd begins to snap at him, but bites his mouth, and just buries his head in his arms, hiding. his head is so very heavy. dirk gives him a small solemn lecture about how past perfomance is not a predictor of future results, how it's never late to just *stop* being an asshole. how he's dirk's friend, how he's been kind to him, and dirk trusts him to continue to be kind, to build his life forward. ("*kind* to you? after i'd said that [hurtful thing] — the second time, *deliberately?" todd is bitter and baffled. "i forgive you for it. that's what friends do." dirk says like it's obvious). dirk places his trust in todd. todd struggles to process all that, he just lies on the table neither crying nor breathing; dirk talks to fill up the space, and to make good use of his trust. he tells todd all about his childhood trauma, in great, visceral detail, like he's pulling his guts out; he starts crying halfway through. todd hugs him really, really hard, and doesn’t let go for a while.

todd promises he'll come clean to amanda. dirk promises he'll start looking into therapy for his cptsd. they promise to each other they're friends, best friends.

they come in for the last fake-session with that therapist, just to tie a pretty bow on this whole thing: to tell them they're finally getting divorced, and will not require their services anymore. poor person breaks with an actual heavy sigh of *relief*.

dirk starts seeing a new therapist — not this one, thankfully; farah recommends him an old one she used to work with. she couldn't quite find a good rhythm with him, but she thinks he might be a nice match for dirk. he ends up being exactly that.

todd isn't yet ready for therapy, and dirk is accepting of that. amanda's not talking to him anymore, and he's *not* taking it in stride, but he's holding up as best as he can, and dirk holds his hand through it.

they do have an Actual Date with Romantic Intenstions — it goes remarkably well, even though they bicker for half the duration of it. it's all in good fun <3

they don't wear the rings anymore, but keep them as a memento; both feel weirdly sentimental about them. dirk does finally buy a new toothbrush for himself to keep in todd's apartment.

farah does end up having a lesbian crisis in front of her therapist, the one that todd and dirk have been torturing. poor soul.

[sundaynightlive]

My Live Heartstopper 2 Reactions

Right so this is an EXTREMELY long post and I know nobody cares but it helped me get all my emotions out in a healthy way instead of punching walls so that’s a plus 👍🏻. MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS, so be warned, aight? Some of my reactions are genuinely funny—wish I had filmed myself because oh boy.

(TW: Eating disorders and homophobia. Also: Chaos, spoilers, and unhealthy fangirling).

Episode 1

Oh my god I’m literally more nervous for this than I was for my tattoo I’m gonna cry

HI ❤️

Charlie you better eat that cereal why are you just holding it.

The soundtrack is already banging holy balls.

THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE OH MY GOSH.

AGGRESSIVE KISSING OH MY GOD THAT WAS CRAZY THE PASSION I—

They’re so happy. I’m so happy they’re happy. And the smile every time they greet each other. And they’re BESTIES which is SO REAL.

THE UPSIDE-DOWN KISS SHOT WAS MAGICAL—

Ooh I missed the little sparkles of Heartstopper

Need this tattooed on my body fr.

Elle is gorgeous. Elle is gorgeous. Elle is gorgeous and I love her. She’s gorgeous. Oh my gosh my sapphic heart wants her so bad.

That was weird. Oop—that product placement is as a tiny bit goofy? Was the product placement? I’ve only read one book.

No she fancies Ben—I already can see it coming. No NO NO NO NO IMOGEN NO.

Oh I can feel the stress. I have to look up what this test is I guess because I can FEEL the stress—NEVERMIND I KNOW WHAT THE STRESS IS—

This is an incredible scene. Oh my FUCKING god.

This teacher is really doing the most for no reason.

I NEED YOU.

Of course Harry’s out here saying some slightly misogynistic shit out the gate.

Elle and Tao will be magical together I already know.

YES OH MY GOD THEY GET DOODLES TOO?????? YESSSSSSS.

Bro is this product placement or is it in the comics. It must be in the comics and I just don’t know about it lmao. Because otherwise this product placement is WILD.

UH OH NO UH OH STOP PLEASE I CAN’T—alright it’s fine. Everything’s fine. Deep breaths. Whew all good.

As a partially-closeted gay person that was a lot for me.

I love Tori and her actress so much (is actress still a real term??? I feel like it’s not).

This is cute huh.

I love Imogen. I love Imogen. She’s so cute.

SHE’S AN ALLY IM PISSING—

God Elle is gorgeous in every scene.

Tao’s hair isn’t even bad idk what everybody was saying in the first season it’s goofy but it’s not the worst haircut in the world.

THAT WAS SO INTENSE. THEY HAVE CRAZY CHEMISTRY WHAT????!?????

Isaac always reading is such a vibe he just likes to be in the room with everyone and it’s so me.

You got this Nick. I love you and I believe in you.

Woah Tao. Simmer down babe.

YOU GOT THIS! YOU GOT IT! They are so supportive it’s so wonderful this is so sweet fuck me.

THAT WAS SO GOOD.

“I’m sorry I don’t actually know how to react,” IS A PERFECT REACTION FUCK.

Oh balls I KNEW IT.

They’re girls together. I love watching girlhood between queer people. This show is everything.

Hands ✨

I wish I had this many friends.

HI LEAVES HOW ARE YOU—AHHHHHHHH KISSES YES. This is kind of a lot for being in front of everyone.

Darcy is so real.

Not the hanky panky.

BRING ON THE BROTHER. This is the bullshit fuckery im excited for I want nick to DESTROY HIS HOMOPHOBIC BROTHER. Verbally, of course.

Episode 2

Why is everyone struggling? I kind of hate this trope so much my grades did not slip when I got in a secret homosexual relationship I was literally valedictorian I promise it’s not that distracting.

Bros being so mean wtf.

Woah I have never seen Charlie looking so much like Joe.

Mum’s sassy woah.

DAVID. BRING ON THE BROTHER. FIST FIIIIIIIGHT.

Sorry I’m just excited.

Kit Connor is so pretty.

I FORGOT CHARLIE’S A DRUMMER THAT’S SO RANDOM AND COOL.

Not the WHAT with the blank expression.

Wait that is so cute #meandmygf when both our parents are psycho conservatives #starcrossedlovers

❤️

Ben and Imogen is such a fucking no I feel sick. I am literally sick.

I know all these extras are so freaking excited to be here—I love them all.

Who tf says ‘eve’ in a text?

Ben’s weird ass look lmao.

This is goofy and I love it. Fuck off Ben stop with that state.

Dude Mr. Farouk needs to chill so hard.

SHUT THE FUCK UP BEN. GET HIM NICK. SICK EM. EAT SHIT.

Broooo why would you put them in a room together are you frickin serious?????

NICK YOU ARE NOTHING LIKE HIM I hate Ben so much I what a perfect perfect perfect gray-area villain

David what are you even talking about rn.

God they are good together are you kidding? They casted so perfectly I’ve never been more in love with a couple in my life. They are phenomenal actors because idk how they could be like this and not be in love.

The SOUNDTRACK ARE YOU KIDDING

“I think Nellie loves him” NO YOU

The queer extras are my favorite in the whole world.

NON-BINARY PERSON oh my god hi me too

God she’s perfect here. To be fair she’s just generally perfect. THE THREE OF THEM ARE PERFECT.

What a lovely conversation for this show to have, so simple and so chill and so real.

Oh Tao. I love you I wish I could give you a hug, poor dude.

If Ben fucks up Nick’s math exam istg—

Oh Imogen—I’m so sorry sweetheart.

Oh shit fuck this feels like such unnecessary stress I hate hate hate hate hate this—NO BRO RAISE YOUR HAND AND TELL HER—

Bro if he’s in trouble I’m gonna lose it I will literally be so sad.

Elle is stunning.

Elle he likes you oh my god ELLE HE LIKES YOU.

Gosh she’s tall too I love tall women.

Bro what marvel movie were they watching ????? Hello ????? Also—David is still here isn’t he?

NELLIE IS PERFECT.

No no no no no no no no no bro I’m gonna be physically ill.

PUNCH THAT MF IN THE FACE holy FUCK.

Oh my god this is so sad, but also definitely the conflict I’m here for and not this schoolwork shit. I hate schoolwork conflicts.

It’s not your fault Charlie I’m so sorry.

God Mom he needs you right now are you serious?????

We all know damn well you did not eat at Nick’s.

To be so fair this is exactly what happened to me and my gf when we started telling people it just became a mess.

Oh god the voice memo was perfect Nick. That was such a perfect way to get your sincerity across. Wow I LOVE that.

CUT YOUR HAIR OUT OF JEALOUSY TAO !!!

That’s half a joke.

But I would do it (I’m crazy and petty).

Cantonese is very soft or maybe it was just the way she said it but my ears liked it.

I deadass thought she was gonna be right behind him lmao.

Episode 3

IKEA??????? Boy.

Aw nice boys. Thank you.

The way Otis just looked back like bro are you serious—

Damn it he almost had it shit.

Charlie and Joe are ebbing and flowing and I love that he’s like 15-dimensional it’s so nice and natural I love Joe he is so talented.

YAY SHE IS SO NICE ARE YOU SERIOUS???? SHE HAS A WIFE. My girlfriend did women’s rugby gayest sport in the world. I literally just jumped up and down this show is so good fuck.

HER LITTLE GIGGLE SDFGHJKL

Tao not on the school computer wtf.

I’m like actually stressed about Charlie’s paper and Nick’s math I remember being stressed and fucked up by these things and I do not like the coursework issues as pieces of plot it really gets me—not to say it’s the show’s fault. I think that’s just because school killed me.

Oh Tara and Darcy.

I am in fear. I am currently in very much fear.

Ben looks like such an ass fr.

DARCY’S SARCASM IM PISSING—

HE IS SO SWEET ABSOLUTELY SO SWEET. HOLY PISS AND SHIT THIS IS PERFECT. AND HIS HAAAAAAIR. OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING.

THAT WAS ADORABLE.

They are very good together.

The 1975???? Slay?????

I LOVE TORI. IM PISSING.

“Look after him. Or you die.”

The most unrealistic thing about this show is that people don’t know they’re together when they’re always standing so fucking close together and glancing at each others’ mouths.

Now why is that popcorn so big.

Bro Elle looks perfect all the time I would also be awkwardly silent next to her.

Oh Tara.

Joe and Nick look SO GOOD in these outfits.

Elle definitely put her hand there on purpose so he’d grab it.

BRO WHAT IS GOING ON THIS IS PAINFUL.

I take it back Nick should’ve been wearing different pants.

Oh no this is literally my nightmare.

Bro Harry putting his arm around Nick like nothing’s wrong and the panic that must be flooding through Nick’s veins is so FUCKING REAL I have been in situations so similar to this and if he comes out now I will never forgive Alice because this is a horrific time for this.

I am uncomfortable with the energy we have created in the studio today.

Oh Tao I love you I’m so sorry. God he is so me. God what a nice hug. I feel so bad for him. Holy fuck.

And CHARLIE god this is my nightmare.

Oh Nick too.

EVERYONE IS SAD AND I AM SAD.

Oh baby oh my god.

Charlie is a literal angel AND SO IS NICK’S MOM.

YOU DON’T OWE THEM ANYTHING. THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING MESSAGE.

Oh Charlie my heart aches for you.

Episode 4

Charlie why wouldn’t you sit next to each other???? Charlie???? What is this madness?????

Tao’s hair is slaying.

Mr. Farouk is crazy.

Paris is gonna fix everything I see.

Okay Nick and Tao getting together makes my heart absolutely so full.

NICK’S DAD IS FRENCH??????? Bro I need to read these don’t I?

Aw Mr. Farouk’s little smile.

Darcy is fantastic at changing the subject I wish I had the skill.

Bro Ben’s whole role this season is glaring I’m pissing myself giggling about it.

Bro read the ROOM of COURSE they wanted to share.

Um why is their room so tiny????

Even their hands look perfect together god DAMN.

WAIT Tao that was so fucking sweet.

NO THIS IS THE HICKEY SCENE. THIS IS THE HICKEY SCENE. OH MY GOD IS THIS THE HICKEY SCENE?

Incredible like delivery Kizzy FUCK I loved that.

Also it was not the hickey scene.

Ben looks so unenthused with Imogen at all times and I’m pissed about it.

Jesus that was rude Ben. Fuck you.

This is so weird but I wanna know what order they shot these scenes in bc the whole bus scene Farouk kept being all smiley towards Ajayi but now he’s like super unimpressed with him and it’s not tracking but honestly that’s kind of sweet and almost like foreshadowing I love it.

Tao. Looks. So. Good.

ELLE’S BOOTS ARE FIRE ARE YOU SERIOUS?????

Charlie just grab his hand there’s literally no one around.

NICK BEING FLUENT IN FRENCH IS SO GOOD AND IMPRESSIVE DOES CHARLIE KNOW?????

Also Kit Connor speaking French is just ahhhhhh

TARA’S A DANCER??? ME TOO. ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO.

Darcy is so my girlfriend. Don’t worry Tara she’ll come around I promise. My girlfriend didn’t say I love you back to me for months babe. It’s just hard for some people.

Charlie…

God Paris is beautiful.

Straight people are so goofy thinking relationships mean you stop being friends.

BRO THIS SONG GOES CRAZY????

Okay the yelling was so funny.

They’re perfect together for real.

The BUTTERFLIES???? THE BUTTERFLIES????

I actually love Imogen so much. Ben needs to get his greasy hands off her fr.

Darcy’s non-binary shirt is everything. Thank you Heartstopper, thank you Kizzy.

WHY IS CHARLIE BY BEN???? WHO ALLOWED THIS?????

NO. NO NO NO. NO.

Okay. Deadass, I wish I had recorded myself—The whole conversation just went down, and I sat there with my hand shaking around my face, and when HARRY went “There’s no reason to call her a bitch” I fucking LOST MY MIND because you know it’s bad when HARRY SAYS SOMETHING OBJECTIVELY CORRECT. I deadass SCREAMED.

Oh Imogen so wrong but also so cute about it anyway.

Tao and Nick talking makes my heart so happy I want them to be besties.

This is so sweet. Fuck.

Is Nick’s dad a factor here? Because I’m stressed.

I love when my gf hugs me like that.

“Giant Rugby idiot”

Wait this is wild oh my god?????

Real talk—when my gf gets that close to me and is kissing my neck I do not silently stare at the ceiling but I get it we’re innocent and sweet in this house.

Bro the hickey reveal is SO GOOD.

Episode 5

Oh his dad is ghosting him fuck.

Soundtrack going off again

Also unrealistic—giving a hickey without knowing how? You have to suck SO HARD bro—

I’m fully laughing my ass off.

TAO’S EYES I—

I just screamed “OH MY GOD THIS SHOT IS INCREDIBLE THIS IS ART” at the top of my lungs and the neighbors definitely heard but BLURRY BEN SITTING IN BETWEEN MATCHING NICK AND CHARLIE WHEN HE LEARNS ABOUT THE HICKY???? 10/10 cinema. Give it an Oscar right now.

That’s the biggest croissant I have ever seen.

BEN BLURRY IN THE BACKGROUND OF THESE SHOTS IS JUST SO—

Joe Locke is gorgeous I can’t. He’s like literally a sculpture.

SHUT UP HARRY.

Oh my fucking god.

“I don’t give a rats ass rudeboy, grow up” is the single greatest like in all of Heartstopper and I will tattoo it on my body.

What is Nick’s outfit? Why do they keep giving him ridiculous pants?

Tao and Elle are a fucking gorgeous couple.

GO OFF ISAAC. GO OFF.

Kizzy and Corinna are just ah just god just I want them both just AH.

THAT FRAME OF BEN AND NICK IS FUNNIER THAN THE ONE THAT WENT VIRAL.

I hate Ben. I am going to cry.

I’m scared Charlie’s going to pass out. Imagine he just falls off the tower lmao what a twist one of them literally dies 😭😭

HARRY! HARRY! HARRY! Good job Isaac.

Okay he JUST called are you serious?

Tao’s fits are fucking fire bro.

SO ARE YOU CHARLIE. SO ARE YOU.

Doing a friend lock instead of a boyfriend one is so real.

I’m really freaked about the end of the season. I feel like I know the storm that’s coming and I don’t know if I can take it.

Nick being able to talk to anyone about everything is the best trope of this entire show. He is truly a saint (Santa Claus type beat lmfao)

No Charlie eat please. I’m begging you. You deserve love and food. I love him. I love this show.

Kizzy is so handsome.

Things are falling apart. I am falling apart. This is bad. This is real bad.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ENJOY ELLE AND TAO WHEN I KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING ELSEWHERE???????

Yeah okay I’m enjoying it I LOVE THEM!!!!

THE BUTTERFLIES.

Beautiful artist couple.

I wanna understand. He wants. To. Understand. MY PARENTS DIDN’T EVEN— AHHHAGDJAHANDHEJAB he’s a saint.

Nick is about to make me uncontrollably sob.

He was so close to I love you fr.

I hate Nick’s outfit so much.

Charlie finding out he speaks French has me KICKING MY FUCKING FEET AND GIGGLING.

Gets in trouble, “Run!” *runs towards the person getting them in trouble*

They look so genuinely perfect together it’s insane. The casting for this shit is fucking crazy.

Goated soundtrack.

Why does Nick have to be dressed like this though like I get it but I completely do not get it.

I’m uncomfy.

Oh god. He doesn’t know me. This is getting way, WAY to real now.

I just belly laughed at Tao sheepishly shuffling out of the bathroom and going, “I have something to share.”

Okay this is adorable I wish I had friends in high school (or ever)

WAIT OH MY GOD—I was upset they got busted by I AM NOT EVEN REMOTELY UPSET ANYMORE.

This is fucking perfect.

This show does not fail to save me. It saved me with the first season and it’s saving me a second time now.

Isaac in the bookstore is so me.

Oh yes YES YES YES!

The pride street. I’m fucking sobbing.

The hand shot?!?!? THE HAND SHOT?!?!

I really need Tara and Darcy to talk.

Oh no this is not what I want I really do not want this I really don’t like that there is alc here in this situation.

Ben is here??? What???

Everyone and their brother has a crush on Charlie and like I totally get it but also he is so OBLIVIOUS.

LUCY DACUS???? FUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Also the ace/aro representation is so good I fuckin love you Isaac.

“No.”

Okay let me be so real, Harry is an ass but Ben assaulted Charlie and he gets to be here???? Like not that I want Harry to be around either but????? Like?????

WHO INVITED BEN?!?!?

TAO’S SCARY ASS CRAWL I CAN’T—

YES. YES NICK. FUCK IM CRASHING.

Darcy why tho.

They are such good actors it’s so hard to remember they aren’t actually in love.

Not to be delulu but they are so Merlin/Arthur core.

I thought they were about to have an “oh shit I’m about to get turned on” moment but it didn’t go that way.

ONE BED TROPE. YASSSSSS. YASSSS. GAY TEACHERS. YASSSS.

WHAT IS THAT MELODYYYY??????

They sleep like me and my gf do, always switching positions. Got that’s so real. I’m fucking obsessed.

Peach comforter cute as hell.

Good song. Heard it on the soundtrack before.

Holy BALLS JOE LOCKE IS BEAUTIFUL.

YES ELLE! YES ELLE!

TAO PICKING UP HIS MOTHER SUPREMACY

“My summer is for sleeping.” Tori is me.

Ben. Actually piss off. There will be no accidental adultery in this show. I’m manifesting.

Oh Darcy. The purple clouds are amazing detail but Oh Darcy.

Tell him. Tell him. Tell him.

Tell him.

Tell him.

You promised. Tell him.

CONAN GRAY? IN MY CITY?

PHYSICALLY GASPED AT ELLE.

Yes. Yes Isaac yes. Fuck. I love you Isaac. YOU ARE FREE FROM EVERYONE ELSE’S PICTURE OF LIFE. YOU’RE AMAZING. FUCK.

MORE CONAN?

Yes Tao. He’s fucking supportive. I can see it in his face.

THE PAINTING???? THE ART ROOM?????

TAO THAt IS SO FUCKING MATURE.

My parents will never accept me either but I’m not a goddamn predator asshole.

This is fucking RAW. Oh my GOD. God, Charlie that was fucking powerful and perfect. Me too. I feel it. I felt you. AND HE STEPPED AWAY FROM THE RAINBOW HE COULD HAVE GONE IN AND SEEN.

FUCK.

Fuck you David. I already know you’re about to do some DUMB SHIT.

Bro did they not warn Charlie’s parents?????

GO OFF TORI.

Oh my god GO OFF NICK???? GO OFF???? HOLY FUCK????

He’s not a very good dad, is he?

I like Nick’s pink shirt.

I love Tori so fucking much. Oh my GOD.

Your brother’s a prick.

Oh Nick. Oh NICK. Oh Nick.

Darcy, baby. Fuck.

(Good ass soundtrack tho)

Episode 8

I’m so stressed about Charlie. Please no storm.

Okay this time the soundtrack jumped in a little too strong????

SWITCH! SWITCH!

NICK’S OUTFIT IS FIRE (it’s just the jumper but still)

ALLY! ALLY! (Except they’re both gay lmfao)

WINGWOMAN! That’s the word.

Tell him. Tell him. Tell him.

Fuck. I’m gonna sob.

YES THEY’RE CONNECTING.

Me neither.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Noooo Charlie nooooo it’s not gonna be like that. Charlie I’m so sorry. Fuck fuck fuck.

FOLKLORE POSTER??? YES??

GOD ELLE IS GORGEOUS. AND I LOVE HER PARENTS.

CHARLIE LOOKS FANTASTIC WTFFFFFFF.

Isaac with the book I love it.

God Seven’s gonna play about Darcy. Seven’s gonna fucking play about Darcy.

MLM WLW SOLIDARITY

YASSSS GET IT QUEEN!!!!

I FUCKING LOVE TAO’S LITTLE HEARTS?????

AND ELLE HAS THEM OHHHHH MY GOD.

lmao Tori.

Harry 🫠🫠🫠🫠

YES GAY TEACHERS.

Imogen is literally gay lmfao.

YAS ISAAC GOT LEAVES FUCK YES FUCK YES I’m sobbing I love queer joy I’m gonna fall apart

The way VERY OBVIOUSLY QUEER extras are the ones gossiping and stressing Charlie out 😭😭😭

No. No. No.

Fuck that woman so hard oh my god.

TINY NICK.

Me too Darcy. I love you. THEY ARE PERFECT. THEY ARE PERFECT. They are me 😭😭 this is so personal to me.

SEVEN! SEVEN! SEVEN! ITS SO SAPPHIC! ITS SO THEM!

These people have got to know they are making something so FUCKING special for queer people. This is my next tattoo for sure.

Queer joy.

THEY LOOK MARRIED!!! THEY LOOK MARRIED!!!!?

THIS IS SO DOMESTIC.

Please talk to him.

Do not fight right now I swear to god.

You don’t have to be perfect with me.

Oh Charlie oh my god. Nick’s fuckiNG TEARS—I just.

This scene. Is. Perfect. Fuck.

THE WHISPERING. THE FUCKING WHISPERING. THE BROKEN ASS WHISPERING.

FOREHEAD KISSES????? IN THIS ECONOMY??????

That blue looks GOOD on him.

The storm was a light rain that spilled the rivers over, but it was fun to walk in and the mud made nice pies, and everything was alright, because they made them together.

this SONG????????

BANGING MY HEAD AGAINSST A WALL.

In conclusion, I will be getting a heartstopper tattoo at my nearest convenience. I’ll be sure to post it.

Also, here’s a cookie for lasting this long 🍪

[the-bite-of-87-lol]

Tw venting below, very long post

I'm being put in special Ed so I doubt this will stay the same, but I fucking HATE the classes they gave me.

I haven't started school yet, it starts tomorrow and I'm stressing the fuck out

1. The classes they gave me are all ones that have teachers I strongly dislike, I've failed, or makes ne highly anxious.

2. I have release time (that's fine) but you HAVE to be off campus for release time, which is fine, but I'm as highly forgetful person, so I may not come back then I'll be in trouble + I have no one to fucking Pick me up or take me anywhere for release time since my parents are fucking working during the day, idk where tf I'm gonna go

Let's talk about the classes righr

1. US history - I fucking despise History + I've failed every other history class in school

2. Interior design - I can barely keep my room in 1 piece, I'm going to fail this.

3. Release time, where am I gonna go bro

4. Algebra one. Ooh boy, I failed algebra readyiness 3 times (the pre-class/class for slower people) , idk why they thought it was a good fucking Idea to put me in a higher level class of a class I failed???????

Let's talk about my b day classes now

1. I hate this teacher a lot, he's really fucking irritating and he pulled my chair out from under me when I slept in class + I had him 2 times last year.

2. I HAATE HATE HATE HATE HATE GYM WITH A PASSION AND UTS WITH AA TEACHER WHO FAILED ME DESSPIRE ME PARTICIPATING

3. I fucking despise this teacher, I despise him so fucking much. He told me to leave his class once because I coughed like 3 times.

4. I don't like working on cars, I'm too weak to lift things, and I just don't like cars, I'm gonna end up hurting myself or someone else.

I fucking can't with this schedule, I really can't, it's pissing me off and stressing me the fuck out, if shit don't change I'm simply not doing it.

I don't fucking Care if I fail anymore man, I'm gonna work some stupid ass job and I won't be able to handle it anyways because I'm too stupid or slow or unfocused to do it, I'm gonna be put in a fucking nursing home or something.

I don't fucking Care anymore get me fucking out of here, ",real life is so much harder than school" "a job is so much harder" thag just scares me more wtf? I don't want to fucking live anymore if it's going to be this fucking hard, or Harder, I feel sick everyday / Everytime I eat, I could die from just about anything, my friends leave me, my parents are disapproving, ignorant, and sometimes downright neglectful or a bunch of bullies. My brother's taunt and tease me. Etc

It's like my stepdad is never happy around me anymore, and I'm afraid he doesn't like me unless I'm making a fool of myself in front of the family because they continuously laugh at me and call me names, they call me crazy because I am a trans man, they call me old because I have knee and back problems that they chalk up to "its because you dont do anything all day, you dont use your legs" which is truly incorrect. It's so mentally draining, I want out of here. I get scared to tell my parents about my problems because 1 doesn't listen and completely ignores me or is unresponsive,and the other says it's something else when I don't think it is.

I want to live with my friends already, they wouldn't hurt me like this, please come save me. :(

I feel so trapped, get me out of here, it's suffocating.

I feel like a butterfly in a jar, i feel so small here.

I can't tell what's happening anymore to be honest, idk if it's just me being too dramatic or if i am simply incompetent or if it's a disorder or somethibg?

I have ADHD? Maybe that plays into it, my dad refuses to get me an autism test, he says I don't have it but I'm 40% sure it's a possibility and my therapist brought it up once??? Since autism is a spectrum my dad doesn't believe I have it because "well, that's everyone, that's everything" type of thing, but that's literally not fucking true, not everything is a spectrum. And autism is a wide spectrum sure, but like- ???

Idk , I'm just not in a great mindset rn. idk. My hands hurt now.

[onlysimpledreams]

Things I want to say to you all. Finally getting it off my chest and moving on. (TW for abuse and self harm/suicidal thoughts) Part 1 of 3

W.

You were my first true love, you were a light during the worst time of my life. I was young, innocent and naïve. You were there for me day in day out during bereavement. I was there for you day in day out during your family issues. We were each other's rock. But it got possessive, and toxic, from both sides. My internalised queer denial, and my lack of self confidence, made me hate every woman within your presence. Your lack of trust made you hate every man in my presence, including singers and actors I enjoyed - I will never forget you accusing me of cheating for listening to Bruno Mars? I'm sorry what? Yet, as a 19 year old, I thought this was somehow normal. But then you wouldn't let me make friends through video games, you told me you'd leave me if I started making YouTube videos, I had to sneak around while you were at work if I wanted to play games (either by myself or with friends), I had to hide CD Albums and listen while you weren't there. During our relationship my depression started to get worse, I got diagnosed with BPD and grief was taking over my life. I started to self harm - cutting myself, hitting myself, smacking my head off walls, to the point I wanted to die, and got myself into a situation where I almost attempted it. But you stopped me. But then, you started trying to trigger me on purpose. You would say and do things to make me angry, to which you ADMITTED, so I know I'm not delusional. You blamed me for being depressed. You took my grief and used it to gaslight and guilt trip me. My mother LOVED you, and to think you took advantage of her death to piss me off. I am GLAD, after two years, I finally realised this was not real, this was not how relationships should be.

J1.

You started off so nice. You did your best to impress me, and acted like you truly wanted me. When it was just you and me, it was nice. In front of our friends, you became so mean to me and acted like I was nothing. You told me that when we play games together and with others, I am only a friend to you, and you will treat me the same way you treat 'the lads'. You wouldn't hold my hand in public. You tried to control what I posted online - a huge argument started over me posting a photo on a warm day wearing shorts and a crop top. You hurt my feelings so many times but I passed it off. You then started taking out your personal anger issues on me and your mother. You yelled, hit things, stormed off, slammed doors, argued. I stood up for your mother and you acted like we were ganging up against you, like we were trying to ruin your life. You made me AND her cry. You then took it out on me later, blamed me, and made me feel like shit for telling you to stop being rude to her. Of course I apologised, every time. You wound me up on purpose, you manipulated me, you guilt tripped me and you bullied me. You told me I was the problem for everything that went wrong in your life. TW/ Sexual Abuse You took your anger and stress out on me during sex. You would force it upon me, when I did not want it. You made me feel guilty if I said no, or did not initiate. You forced yourself onto me when I was asleep, and did not stop when I said stop. You forced me to accept things I did not enjoy. But, regardless of how many times I said no, I let it happen. I did not force you away. I did not want to disappoint you, or make you angry.

[headspace-hotel]

As someone from the more "redneck" side of America, the sound of gunfire doesn't bother me that much, at least not in a rural area.

Which is not actually a good thing in the "survival instincts" department, because that one time I was being shot at, it really didn't register that my life was in danger until I was hearing bullets whizz past and my dad was yelling at me to get back in the car.

(The looney tunes gunfire sound is...actually surprisingly close to what actual bullets sound like??It's this screaming NYOOM kind of sound that is kind of, jarring and inappropriate coming from something that will kill you.)

At no point did it really hit me that I could have died. At the time I remember reasoning that if someone was just pissed that we were on their property (we were trying to find where my Mamaw's kinfolks were buried! in a cemetery! Assholes...) they wouldn't be shooting to kill.

Later I realized that it was just as likely that they were shooting at targets elsewhere in the woods and didn't even know we were there, which makes the situation scarier, since a stray bullet could have hit any one of us.

...I don't guess this improves the picture of America painted by this post.

There are so many guns here. There are incidents of literal toddlers shooting and killing people because they grabbed a gun out of their mom's bag like literally every other day. People will just walk around Walmart with guns on their hip in full view of everyone and it's normal.

And yet, to be honest I don't have the gut-level Fear of seeing a guy carrying a gun in walmart like I do seeing a cop. Cops scare the hell out of me; in a confrontation with a cop, any action outside of immediate compliance with whatever demand might provoke escalation, and normal human responses to threats and intimidation are reasons to arrest you or attack you. There's the fact that American civilians are brutalized or murdered by cops constantly, but also if a woman is detained or arrested the risk of being sexually abused or assaulted is very very present.

The thing is, I've been impressed with gun safety by people who can competently handle guns my whole life and I've been in Krav Maga where a big part of it is stress drills conditioning yourself to respond in very high-adrenaline situations, and it's been fucking scary to learn how little training cops receive in light of that. All those aggressive and fearful and hyper-alert brain chemicals make you a fucking crazy idiot.

Like, I understand on some level how it happens that cops go from pulling a guy over for speeding to murdering him. If you threaten and intimidate someone, they're going into fight or flight mode, and if you don't have a good handle on your emotions and reactions and immediately start taking steps to calm everybody down and de-escalate, that powerful adrenaline is going to kick on and aggression and screaming is going to feel real good and if you keep feeding and escalating that state of hyper-arousal you'll be high as a fucking kite on rage and fear (which is a human thing) and I reckon if you've got a uniform that grants you that feeling of legitimacy, the inhibitions that make you stop short of violence aren't going to stop you (which is an authoritarianism thing).

And if you're already seeing someone as a threat because of their race or because they're acting "erratically" in the middle of a mental health crisis, or if you just have hate in your heart for those or whatever other reasons, it's going to be way worse.

It really freaks me out when I see news stories with cops pointing guns at civilians ever, even if nobody got killed, because I was always taught that you don't even point a gun at something you don't intend to kill. And if you hand someone a gun and say "here, this is your tool for solving problems" that has some implications for the kinds of actions they will take in any given situation, hmm?

[attorney-anon]

Warning: Death, Guns, Alcohol, and Suicide Discussed Herein

Also adding a cut, just to be sure no one sees this that doesn't want to.

I posted yesterday about an OP's potential death. I got confirmation & the full story yesterday evening, and have been processing. We don't talk about it much, but compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma are real things that attorneys - especially, imo, family attorneys - deal with. And in the wake of something like this, it's important to take time to process what's happened. It's important to care for yourself, and your needs, even if it means putting other clients on a bit of a hold. In a lot of ways, family law is like an airplane - you put your own oxygen mask on first.

OP was an alcoholic; it was the whole reason we were in court in the first place. He'd had several slips, which resulted in him being on repeated breathalyzer testing before & during his visits with his kid. This came about after several temporary orders hearings about his alcoholism. At the last one, he actually indicated, in sworn testimony, that he believed himself immune to hangovers, so there was no way he could be an alcoholic.

So... yeah. He'd had several slips, but had sworn up and down that he was recovering. The week before Labor Day, he missed a scheduled test, didn't even try to pick up his kiddo (which he wasn't entitled to do anyway due to the missed test). Shortly before the weekend, we discovered that his alcohol monitoring account was deactivated. We knew at that point that he was on a bender, and we figured we'd bring it up to the Court when he came back around.

Instead, over the long weekend, still reportedly on a bender, he ended his life with a shotgun.

I didn't like this man, or his attorney, for that matter. OP was an awful person by all accounts, and his behavior put his - very young - child at risk consistently, to the point where other adults in the kiddo's life expressed concern about what would happen if he had custody of kiddo without his wife present (his wife isn't pleasant, either, but she's at least sober most of the time). OC is a grade-A sleazeball, who never did anything properly by the rules, but relied on his reputation with the judge to get away with it (which, unfortunately, often worked).

I have extremely mixed feelings. On the one hand, I feel relief for my client and the kiddo that the custody battle is over. And that's awful and shitty of me to say, and I understand that rationally, but there it is. He didn't deserve unsupervised custody of his kid, and now he won't have it.

But at the same time, I feel so heartbroken for the kid, and for his wife and other children - this is an awful thing to go through, and no one deserves it. And, already, I can see the beginnings of the losses that are going to continue to occur. Kiddo's not going to be able to see his half-siblings, because OP's widow and our client hate each other with a passion, and this death has definitely not changed it.

I'm pissed at the judge, even though I know it's not fair. We asked for him to be ordered to AA, or IOP treatment, or some kind of substance abuse program. We asked for this repeatedly, but the judge insisted that it wasn't that bad. And, clearly, it was that bad. And if he'd been ordered to treatment, maybe he wouldn't have gone on this bender. Maybe he'd still be alive.

And, perhaps worse, I feel personally guilty. This was really the first time that OP was held accountable for his drinking, every time, without fail. And it wouldn't surprise me if it took a toll on him to know that he couldn't lie his way out of it this time. And I had a hand in that, and in fact I told my client multiple times that the reason for the monitoring was to hand him a proverbial rope so that he could "hang himself" for the judge. I knew it'd be stressful, and that he'd fail and that he'd have to face his failures head-on. I never expected it to end like this, of course, but I know I had a hand in pushing him to the ledge.

And of course, rationally speaking, this is no one's fault. But I keep finding myself going down the rabbit hole of being sad and angry and relieved, and it's actually hard to focus on other things for very long. So, today, I'm focusing on relaxing, and processing, and doing what I can to help myself move forward. I slept in a bit, and went to the office a little later than normal. Because I couldn't focus there, I came home at lunch to work from home so I could work in my pajamas, and I'm making my favorite meal for dinner tonight so I can eat it while I re-watch one of the crime procedurals I like. I e-mailed clients to reschedule appointments while my cat slept next to me on the couch (don't work in your bed, y'all).

And, for young attorneys and law students: You have to do this, too, when things like this happen. It's normal to care about your clients and their families, and it's okay to need to process the traumas you inherit from them. When you don't take time to process trauma - even other people's trauma - then you'll wind up burnt out.

[woodsfae]

Babylon 5 s01e22: Chrysalis

Table of Contents

I can't believe we're to the season finale already - and also am so impressed with this twenty-three episode season! It's been incredibly tightly written so far.

Londo and G’Kar fighting is comfortingly amusing now.

G’Kar’s shimmery green armor is gorgeous.

Yelling the dying, stabbed man’s name is absolutely the way to keep him alive and giving you info for a few extra seconds, Garibaldi. RIP Petrov.

I am such a fan of these transparent surgical masks. I would like for them to use it for scrubs, too.

A surprise…? He looks so happy I half expected him to say he’s pregnant. But it’s clearly going to be a proposal.

“Look. Do you want to get married, or don’t you?”

AHAHAHA. I had to hold my stitches. That’s fucking perfect, Sinclair, you dork.

Poor Londo. Probably pissed off all the gods by waving his tentacles around. That certainly offended me.

EW NO IT’S FAE EVIL GUY. Morden. Ugh, no.

Delenn did not look particularly happy to get a yes response from Kosh. Granted, it would be rather unnerving to get anything other than an unfathomable soliloquy out of Kosh.

Being an ambassador is pretty high position. A lot of stress. Do you really want more responsibility, ie stress, to interfere with all the boozing and womanizing, Ambassador? Don’t make deals with Morden. Bad news is written ALLLLLL OVER THIS GUY.

Kosh’s shoulder pad wings are so extra.

Delenn, did you promise to grow hair?! In exchange for looking at Kosh?!

If the situation is too big for the head of station security, maybe don’t murder station denizens? That’s guaranteed to get some officials involved.

Vir and I are on the same page. Although he’s totally out of the loop. Londo is smart. He’s got to be able to see how shady this is.

G’Kar’s robe is so slutty. Love the space slut a la Picard look.

IVANOVA. Oh she looks so cute. I wish Talia was here to see her stylin’ curly hair and that dress is just gorgeous.

Hmmm Devereaux could be special forces, or he could have stolen a special forces weapon.

SHIT Morden et al are bad, bad news. Do cloaking devices exist in B5? It seems massively overpowered for the tech we’ve seen so far. Even Vorlon tech. On par with DraalPlanet, for destructiveness.

Something is definitely going to happen to those boxes. And immediately! Inside man!

Delenn!!! And the mystery 24 hours!!! There is a lot going on. Poor Sinclair has had to do some masterful time management this season so far but this might take it to a whole new level. I will be delighted if his pedantry saves the day again.

RIP every single Narn at the outpost. Ten thousand! Very OP. Who the hell and what the hell kind of firepower? I’m surprised that G’Kar’s list of who could have done it include both the Minbari and humans. Perhaps they’re more of a real power than I’d realized.

You can do it, Garibaldi. Pass out on the party floor! What is the party for? I missed that, if it was mentioned.

Oh sheeeeeeeeet, they did not manage to prevent the presidential assassination. Chaos must be incoming. Inside Job Man is still around and fucking shit up and smearing his smirk around.

They are very into lipliner on B5.

Having A Bad Day Narn/Human solidarity:

I’m honestly surprised and impressed that Londo cares that 10,000 Narns were killed. There’s more decency in him for Narnuan lives than I’d thought.

Inside Guy doin Inside Murders.

What doin, Kosh?

There is SO much going on here.

A real, actual, physical, chrysalis?!

There is so much going on that I absolutely cannot predict at all. It’s a trip.

“He is an annoying man, but I would miss him if he…”

Londo Mollari, that was very nearly a genuine sentiment of affection!

I hate Inside Guy nearly as much as Morden at the moment.

Speak of the devil. Floating, invisible, squeaky aliens plus Morden. Only good things can come of this, I’m sure.

AND IT’S A CLIFFHANGER?! *screams and throws things*

y’all I had an extremely busy day for being this recently post-op and am actually having trouble tracking visually. Am going to have to watch the next one tomorrow.

But it will be tomorrow: pinky promise.

[misssquishy]

Fifty Shades of Lucifer. 18+ an obey me fanfic🔞 (A dominant Lucifer and a submissive Mc)

🔞 Warning:  spanking, toys, bondage, shock collar and a whole bunch of sin.

I need some help. There was this obey me fanfic on this hellish website and I don't know who it was wrote by, or what was the title of the post, so if anyone knows what I'm talking about, please link it in the comments. so the boys were trying to hide their heat from Mc, but Mc, found out anyway and it went from youngest to oldest; belphegor got caught doing shit to Mc's underwear, beel fuck Mc on belph bed, asmo couldn't stand his own scent, Satan was angry, Levi did the 'do' to himself with his tail, Mammon was mammon and the last time I check Lucifer one wasn't out. so if anyone knows what I'm talking about please link it in the comments, I will kiss you.

If you're curious what is wrong with me click this link

if you find a grammar mistake don't tell me I'm not going to fix it

I was about to do this whole like every time Lucifer speaks is red but I forgot the app sucks donkey ass, so it doesn't save what I want it to do (it also removes some of the stuff I wrote down here)

He was sitting in his study, up late again as the night before paperwork had to be done. Lucifer was tired as he sat at his desk, gloves were off, his tie was undone.  Leaning against his hand as he tried his hardest to stay awake. He was stressed and he knew it. He was tired of the paperwork, his brother's antics and tired of cleaning up their messes. But he has too much pride to admit that he needs a break. He leaned back in his chair, letting out a sigh as his fingers ran through his hair. He came to a realization that he is too stressed to carry on, he needed to let out his frustration. He usually just holds it in until he has enough and blows up on Mammon. But recently Lucifer got a new pet to take his anger out on. He chuckled to himself as he stood up, he walked to the fireplace and put out the flames. He opened the door to his study and closed it behind him as he left for his room, a smile plastered across his face as he made his way to his room, gratefully waiting for your arrival.

Feeling groggy your eyes flutter open, slowly being woken up by your D.D.D. ringing on the nightstand. You rolled out of bed and walked to the nightstand, the name 'Lucifer' flashed on the screen as you answered the call "Hello…?" "Were you asleep?" He asked with a voice more tired sounding than yours "Come to my room, now, don't make me wait" you looked at your phone confusedly as the call ended, you wondered why Lucifer wanted you at this hour as you slowly walked to his bedroom. You knocked on the wood, a weary "Come in" encouraged you to open the door "You wanted to see me, Lucifer?" "Yes, close the door" you complied and closed it. You looked around the room before your eyes landed on a little box lying on his bed. You looked at the table, several more Akuzon boxes sitting on it. You glanced at the Avatar pride that was sitting on the couch, glass of wine in hand "Come, set" he gestured to the bed. you wandered over and sat down next to the box  "I'm sorry for calling on you at this hour, I needed to ask you a question"  "Is the question that important that you have to wake me up at 2:00 am?" Lucifer didn't like the cocky tone in your voice as you said those words, but he kept calm as he knew that cockiness wouldn't last for long "Yes, it's very important for that it couldn't wait for tomorrow" he put the glass of wine up to his lips and sipped it "First, I would like you to open your gift" he gestured to the Akuzon box sitting next to you. You hesitated, it's Lucifer after all and the way he was staring at you, wasn't innocent. He noticed your expression as you looked at the box curiously and laughed "Go on, It's not poisonous, you can open it"  you looked at him then slowly shrugged as you began to open the box. You were shocked as your eyes looked at the content within the box: a red leash with a matching collar and golden dog tags attached to it

"Do you like it?" He asked with a slight smile across his face. You stared at the collar as you noticed your full name and your date of birth on one of the dog tags, and the words ‘property of Lucifer’ on the other "Now, on to the question why you're here" he said as he sat his glass on the table "Are you my good girl?" You stare at him as you slowly realize the real reason why you're here. You tightly squeeze the dog collar as your heart pounded with excitement "yes" you mumble as you squeeze your thighs together, your hips shifting in your seat. Lucifer let out a slight chuckle  "Is that how good girls talk now?" You looked down at the floor in shame as you slowly shook your head "Now, I'll ask you again" placing his elbows on the table as he rested his chin on his hands "are you my good girl?" He stared at you and curiosity as he wandered, will you give him what he wanted? You started to become aroused. You know what he wants, and you know if you say it, you would become his bitch from that point on. staring at the collar again, glancing over the dog tags once more as you took a deep breath and let out a little ”yes, master”

Lucifer started laughing, that was the right answer. He leaned back in his seat and patted his leg "Come here, and bring the gift" you tried to put up some "fight". you think it's fun to get under his skin sometimes, and think it's sexy when he gets angry "I'm not a dog, Lucifer" . He saw that you were still defiant, and wondered how much you could take until you finally broke. He sighed "why are you so damn stubborn?" He stood up straight, his words were full of annoyance as he spoke "I said come here" you rolled your eyes as you got on your hands and knees on the floor and slowly crawled to Lucifer, leash and collar in your hand. Stopping between his legs as you look at him, a devilish grin plastered across his face "That's how good girl's should act" a part of you hates being treated like a dog, but you can't ignore your arousal. And the more obedient you are, the more ecstatic he becomes. He took the collar from you and fastened it around your neck "It fits perfectly" he said "Now people will know who you belong to" He then patted his lap, encouraging you to lay on it. As you lay your head on his inner thigh he begins to rub his fingers through your hair "You're such a good girl, yes you are" you sit there as he pat your head and you close your eyes, it was soothing. It was late and you didn't mean to. but loving the tension, you slowly drifted off to sleep. Lucifer saw that you were going to sleep and got even more annoyed. 

He grabbed the leash and yanked on it, jerking you forward "Don't you dare go to sleep on me now, we haven't got started yet" he let go of the leash and place a hand on your cheek "I have more gifts for you" he said "But you have to earn them" his hand moved to the back of your head and ran his fingers through your hair before grabbing a fistful of it, making you wince as you stared at the devilish grin on his face "Now, be a good girl and suck your master’s cock" he set up and started unbuckling his pants "I will warn you, I'm not going to hold back this time" You weighed in anticipation as he slowly unbuttoned his pants and unzipped his fly. He ran his thumb under the waistband of his boxers staring at you while he did it, making you wait "Is this what you want?" He asked while pulling down his boxers, exposing his aching shaft. You open your mouth and stick out your tongue, you can't deny it any more, you did enjoy the way he treated you. He cocked an eyebrow at your eagerness. He found it amusing, how you were so hesitant the first time you two did something like this, but in that moment you were like a dog begging for a treat, and he loved it. Lucifer put a hand on your cheek, his thumb entered your mouth and rubbed it on the inside of your cheek before pulling on it, making your mouth open wider. The tip of his cock rested on your tongue before sliding in your mouth, a slight hiss escaped from his lips as you fully took him in your mouth "Ahw! fuck yes!" His hands moved to the back of your head, his fingers slid through your hair as he bucked his hips. You gagged as Lucifer’s cock slid into your throat, you always had trouble taking him in your mouth, he definitely was on the thicker side than his brothers. your aching pussy throbbed between your legs as your arousal began to be unbearable. Enjoying the feeling of your face being fuck, you put your hand down your pants and started teasing yourself, rubbing and teasing the sensitive folds. 

Lucifer stopped, looking down at you,  he saw what you were doing and pulled out of your throat, resting his cock in your mouth before slamming back deep in your throat, making you choke.

 your eyes begin to water from the feeling of his member violently thrust into you "I didn't give you permission to touch yourself" he removes his cock from your throat, leaving you with an empty feeling. You wanted more, removing your hands but reaching out a hand to touch the throbbing member before you, but Lucifer smacked your hand away "dogs don't eat their meal with their hands" he grabbed your hair and pushed your face against his crotch making his dick grind against your cheek. He took the tip of his cock and started pressing it against your cheek "A good dogs eat there food with there fucking tongue" he said while forcefully rubbing the head of his member against your cheek, making your face shiny with pre "Now, be a good BITCH and eat your food" you tried to put up a fight. You wanted to please him, but you also wanted to piss him off just to see what he does next "I. AM. NOT. A. DOG-" as soon as you said those words, Lucifer immediately became annoyed and grabbed your face. He held your chin with a tight grip as his thumb and index finger pressed into your cheeks "are you trying to piss me off!?"

Yes, yes you were..

"Why are you so disobedient?!" He knew you were being disobedient on purpose, he knew you were just trying to get under his skin, just to rile him up. He knows he has to break you now. Lucifer roughly rubs the tip of his cock against your lips, making them glossy as he covers them in pre-cum "Now, be a good bitch and lick my cock" without hesitation your tongue is out, licking the underside of Lucifer's shaft. You rolled your tongue from the base to his head. A weak "finally" croak from Lucifer's throat. Your tongue explored his shaft, licking up and down his cock making him grit his teeth. You licked back up to the tip and started circling the head with your tongue. Lucifer growled when the tip of your tongue licked at the slit of his cock. Looking up at him, his eyes were glossy with a yellow hue as his gaze met yours "does it feel good?" You smile with a slight chuckle as the tip of your tongue digs into the slit of his member, lapping up beads of pre. Lucifer got agitated "shut up" your mouth was suddenly filled with his cock. You put your hands on his hips and dig your nails into his skin, the feelings of  your throat being filled up once again made you moan around him. He bucked his hips, he ran his fingers through your hair as he started to lose it  "N- now that's how a good girl should act!" His thrust got faster and rougher, and the pathetic, muffled sound that you tried to make only encouraged him "do m- my pet want a treat?" He pulled on your hair, yanking your head back. Lucifer took his cock out of your mouth, and stroked it in front of your face "open your mouth, and stick out your tongue" you did what you were told, sticking your tongue out and watched him as he stroked his member, vigorously. His tip lied on your tongue as he pumped his cock up and down "don't spill a fucking drop!" he said with gritted teeth. With one final grunt, your mouth was full with his cum. Covering your tongue. his cum overflowed from your mouth, you tried to catch it with your hands. Lucifer pulled away and looked at you. He got even more annoyed, you had one job and you couldn't do it right "lick your hands" he said with a disappointed look on his face. You stared at your hands that were covered in his seed and put them up to your lips. You looked up at him as you started to lick the palm of your hands, tracing your tongue over lines in your hands that were covered in his seed. Lucifer stared intensively as he watched you suck your fingers, staring right into your eyes as you licked between your fingers. When you are done you sit on the floor, waiting for him to give you another command. He laughed at your obedience "you did such a good job in sucking me off, but…" he crouch down in front of you, a slight devious smile plastered across his face as he tap the floor with a finger "you missed a spot" you looked down at the small puddle of Lucifer's cum seeping into the carpet "Lick it up" you stared at him "no" you said with a little cockiness in your voice. Lucifer didn't find your disobedience cute however, now he knows that he has to break you of that little Pride you have left.

"I don't think I stuttered, did i?" Lucifer's voice was low and cold. He grabbed you by the hair and pushed your face down into the carpet "I said Lick. It. Up!" You reluctantly did what you were told. He watched with amusement as you lapped up his cum from the carpet like a dog. When you were done you looked at him, waiting for another command. Lucifer met your gaze, chuckled as he slowly shook his head. He grabbed you by the arm and made you stand up, his hands moved up to your face. His thumbs rubbed over your cheeks, wiping away the tears that still remains "you were doing so good, mc" he said as his hands slide down  to your shoulders "but you wasted it, so now I'm going to have to punish you" he grabbed you by the arm again and sat down on the couch, dragging you down with him. He bent you over his knee, making you face the fireplace. You let out a gasp as he started pulling down your pants "Lucifer?!" He let your pants dangle from your ankles, exposing your ass to him. He ran a hand up your thighs, and slowly cupped one of your cheeks before slapping it. you whine from the pain. You tried to brace yourself for another strike, but you couldn't help but to scream as his hand came in contact with your skin again, harder, making a wave of pain wash over your body "I didn't give you permission to touch yourself, you wasted my cum and you are so disobedient. Scream all you like, this is your fault" he hit you harder, and harder. Your screams bounce off the walls. It hurts, but you couldn't help but to get off from it. Lucifer was enjoying your screams as he slapped your ass, leaving red handprints on your abused skin "Apologize" "wha-?!" Was all you can say before he hit you again "Apologize for what you did" his hand began to rubbed over the red skin of your ass "Apologize for being disobedient, wasting my cum and for touching yourself without my permission" he slapped you again making you whimper out a weak "I'm sorry" he slapped your ass again "LOUDER!" "I'M SORRY!" You screamed as you balled your hands into fists. You brace yourself for another hit but you are caught off guard by Lucifer laughing. He didn't know why he was laughing, but somehow the way you pleaded for forgiveness was cute, and also pathetic. Lucifer's hand went back to your ass. You wince from the stinging sensation as Lucifer's warm hands started rubbing the abused skin of your ass cheek, smirking as he rubbed the red marks that he made "You're enjoying this aren't you?" "no.." you whimpered out. Lucifer  knew that you were lying and found it cute that you tried so hard to deny what you truly wanted. His hand moved to your thighs, slowly sliding them up. Your whimpers turn into moans as Lucifer fingers trails over your aching folds "If you're not enjoying this, then why are you so wet?" He removed your pants from your ankles and threw them. He grabbed you by the arm and lifted you up to make you straddle him. The smile that was on Lucifer's face quickly turned into a devilish grin when he saw your tearful eyes. Lucifer cooed happily as  he licked your fallen tear from your cheeks, before moving to your ear and whispering "Maybe we should stop" "what...?" You said as you tried not to focus on the stinging sensation from your butt "Since my bitch is crying so much, then we need to stop" you were shocked. Why did he want to stop now? This wasn't the first time that Lucifer spanked you, far from it, but this time you know it was different. Almost like he's been causing you pain deliberately, like he's trying to prove something. Your mine ran blink for a moment, then a slight sigh lifted you as leaned your head against his shoulder “I will stop with the behavior” You now know what this was about. Your voice was hoarse as you quietly whispered "don't stop…. please" you moved to kiss him. A gentle kiss to his lips turned into a rough one, leaving you gasping for air when you pulled away “ You sank to your knees on to the floor, grabbing the red leash that was still hooked to the red matching collar that was still on your neck. Lucifer was surprised when you put the leash into his open palm and then closed his hand. Pulling away, you looked up at him as nothing but shame fell from your lips "please don't stop" you let your head hang down a shame as you continued "I'll do what you say, I'll be your dog, just don't stop" setting on the floor with your head down, you felt a shane but you wanted more. The room was uncomfortably silent as the two of you waited on for the other one to speak first, the Avatar Pride was stunned by your sudden actions that he actually looked at you with a slight pity. It was until you utter the word "master?" when Lucifer's calm demeanor turns into greed. When he loosened his grip on the leash it slithered out of his hand, and on to the floor "such a picky pet" you kept your eyes on the floor, waiting for your master to tell you what to do. It wasn't until Lucifer grabbed you by the hair when you looked at him, a stinging sensation in your scalp from how hard he was gripping on to your hair. Lucifer looked at you with disgust  and that look that he gives you when he's disciplining you. It was full of shame and disappointment, and you usually were afraid when he looked at you like that, but in this situation you can't help being aroused. "You'll do what I say, huh?" You nod your head with the little mobility you had "You like it when I treat you like a dog, don't you? treating you like shit, while I fuck your brains out?" a worried "yes" was all you can say before you were forcefully tossed on the floor "Then prove it" he crossed his legs as he continued "Bow to me and prove your loyalty" you moved from your spot on the floor to be in front of Lucifer. Setting yourself up where you were on your knees, and slowly bowing your head. It wasn't enough for Lucifer however, and he silently put his foot on the back of your head, and pushed down to make your face buried in the carpet "Look at you, not putting up a fight like an obedient bitch" he continued "now, who does this bitch belong to?" He slowly started grinding his foot into your head, making you wince "I said who do you belong to?" A weary "you, sir" came out before your face was buried deep into the carpet, your head pinned  down to the floor by Lucifer's foot "I'm going to do what I want to you and you're not going to complain, you understand me?"

"Yes, master"

"Good"

Lucifer removed his foot and stood up straight "I guess you're good enough" you lift your head to look up at him, a sweet and gentle smile replaced the wicked grin he had before "You can open a another present" he gestured to one of the Akuzon boxes that was still on the table "Some may bring you pleasure, while the other will bring you pain. But no matter which one you choose, you will enjoy it" You turn to look at the table in the several unopened boxes lying upon it. Staring at the different sized boxes you wondered to yourself; If the first box had a leash and a dog collar in it, what was inside the others? You wanted to open all of them at once to ease your mind, but it wasn't until you noticed that one of the boxes didn't have the Akuzon logo on it. It was just a plain box. Lucifer shifted closer, he noticed that you were glaring at a pacific box that he put together. sitting on the edge of the couch he leaned down to hover over you "Are you sure you want that one?" Your curiosity turned into dread. The unknown contents of the box started to become concerning as you reminisced what Lucifer said "what's in these that would make me feel pain?" Lucifer didn't give a direct answer other than a smile "Pick one and find out" you hesitated, still unnerved by the fact that you don't know what is in the boxes. but put that uneasiness aside as you want this to continue. You pointed to the box with no recognizable markings and sighed "This one" with a smile Lucifer grabbed your arm and stood up, making you stand on your feet. He walked with you until you both were in the middle of the room, standing under the chandelier. He told you to "Stay" and return to the table. He picked up the box that you singled out and opened it. Lucifer proceeds to rummage through contents of the box "Take off your shirt" he demanded over his shoulder. You did what you were told, taking off your shirt and letting it fall to the floor, leaving you naked. You tried covering your chest with your arms but as soon as your hands touched your breasts, Lucifer grabbed your wrist and jerked you forward. He gave you that look again, that disapproving look that made your legs weak. Suddenly, Lucifer tied your wrists together, it wasn't until the rest of the rope was strong through the chandelier when you noticed his intentions. He pulls on the rope, making your arms raised above your head. He didn't stop pulling it on, however. Pulling the rope tighter and tighter, you begin to whimper about the rope starting to dig into your skin. It wasn't until you're on your tippy toes when Lucifer stopped and tied the rope to the Chandelier. He took a step back to look at you. Staring at the pretty 'rope bunny' in front of him, made the Pride filled demon giddy with glee. Even though he was tired, Lucifer hasn't felt this satisfied in a while. the only time he find something this satisfying is when he used to torture demons that disobey him, or when his greedy little brother max out his credit cards. The way your wrist was bound together and the way your legs wanted to give out as the chandelier struggled to hold your weight, made his cock hardon again. 

"It's too tight" you felt the rope dig into your skin. It is not the first time you've been tied up, but you were struggling. Lucifer just closed his eyes and shook his head, he giggled "I thought you said you won't complain" he looked disappointed in his face as he continued "It seems like I have to discipline you" he turned around and walked back to the table. You watched as Lucifer put up the box of the table and walked back over to you, with that same disappointing look. Your eyes met. It wasn't until he walked behind you and that eye contact broke, you tried to angle your head to see him, but you couldn't because of how your arms were positioned "what are you doing?" Lucifer shushes you. You tried your best to know what he was doing by the sound of his movement, but to no avail. The room became uncomfortably silent. You heard no movement, nothing, almost like Lucifer wasn't behind you "Lucifer?..." Nothing. You tried again "Lucifer… please" still nothing. It was only when you mumble the word "master?" When you heard something like a snort when you were reminded of his presence. You heard Lucifer footsteps, he was right behind you but you were still startled when you heard his voice right in your ear "impatient, are we?" Suddenly, the caller that was still around your neck was being removed and it was immediately replaced by something else. You couldn't look to see what it was as it was around your neck, but you could tell whatever that was now around your neck wasn't normal. It wasn't long until Lucifer's hands were on your body. Coming from behind, his hands started at your waist, feeling your soft skin as his fingers shift to your hips "Such a delicate human form" he said "Too bad I'm going to ruin it" Lucifer moved back from you, going back to the bed he picked up a ball gag that he took out of the box. Lucifer then walked in front of you "open your mouth" he demanded as he put the ball of the gag up to your lips, and fastened passed the straps behind your head after you took the gag between your teeth. Now you were bound, gagged and completely at a demon's mercy, you could scream and no one would hear it. Just what Lucifer wanted. You looked at one another, like a standoff between predator and prey, but the prey knows it has lost. Lucifer shuffled back behind you but quickly walked back in front of you as he held something behind his back. With his hand, he reaches up and caresses your face. You leaned into his touch, letting out a muffled moan as a ball gag had you mostly silent. But that sweet moment didn't last for too long however. As soon as you let your guard down, Lucifer grabs a fistful of your hair, jerking your head back. Your whimpers were blocked by the ball gag but that was still enough for the Avatar Pride. The thing that Lucifer was hiding behind his back moved in between your legs "If you cum, I'll make you regret it" before you could think, the feeling of pleasure rushed through you. The vibrator that Lucifer pressed against your aching pussy made your legs weak, as your moans that were blocked by the gag tried to break through. You felt your knees starting to buckle, the rope that was still wrapped around your wrist was the only thing keeping your body from falling on the floor. Your body felt like it was about to collapse, he just started touching you and you're already at your peak,  you weren't expecting to cum so soon, you blame yourself for being so sensitive. But you didn't want to give up your orgasm quite yet. You looked up and focused your eyes on your two arms that were bound above your head, trying your best not to climax. Lucifer knew you were trying to fight it, he took your resisting as obedience. But Lucifer wanted you to cum so he could punish you. Lucifer was sliding his fingers across your sensitive flesh, increasing your excitement and stimulating you as you tried to steady your breathing. He placed a kiss on your breasts, it was gentle, a lot more gentle than the ones he gave you on your lips. But when his mouth moved to your nipples, you tried to ignore him. Closing your eyes trying not to give in to the pleasure. When he wasn't getting the response that he wanted, Lucifer rubbed the vibrator on your clit but not before putting on the toy on Max power. Your eyes shot open, you looked down at the smug demon who was teasing your breasts. You wanted to scream, to let your voice out but the ball gag prohibits those rights. All you could do was inhale and exhale rapidly, as you begin to unravel. The wand continued to vibrate your clit, you felt the urge to cum increase when Lucifer pinch your nipples between his teeth. your orgasm rattled you as you cried out his name in a long note of pleasure. Your climax just kept rising higher and higher, you could feel your knees weaken tremors throughout as you wrote out your orgasm as your juices drench down your thighs and cover Lucifer's hand.he moves to cup your face wiping the loose strands of hair away. You stared at him teary-eyed as you try to come down from your euphoric high, he smiled at you wickedly before he whispered in your ear "you came, so now I get to punish you" you realize what you have done, you disobey your master and slowly start shaking your head "no" but you're quiet please fell on deaf ears as bolts of electricity rush your body. You screamed but nothing came out as agonizing pain filled your body. And just like that it was gone, leaving you a twitching mess as the remnant of electricity made your nerves feel like they were jumping. Your legs finally give out. The only thing that kept you from falling to the ground was the ropes that still bind your wrists to the chandelier. You were breathing rapidly, you wanted to pass out but lost his voice caught your attention "This is your punishment, so enjoy it" the rush of the electricity filled your body once more but it was a lot stronger, more painful. And once again the feeling of being shocked was gone, leaving you a trembling, confused mess. your heart pounding in your head as you tried to think straight, feeling dizzy and your vision was doubled, you slowly trying to gain your sanity back. It wasn't until you heard Lucifer calling your name when finally you felt like yourself again "Mc? Is my little doggie dead?" You looked at him, after what he did to you, Lucifer's caring smile felt foreign. He proceeded to remove the ball gag from your mouth. as soon as Lucifer did that, you're heavy panting was the only thing coming out of your mouth before you ask, in a shaky breath "w- w- what the fuck d- did you do to- to me?!" He pointed to his neck "shock collar" he calmly said. Lucifer pulled out a small remote and waved it across your face. You stared at him bewildered then remembered that he put something around your neck that you couldn't see "I did originally bought it for Cerberus, but sometimes inside bitches needs discipline too" Lucifer precedes to untie your wrist and you immediately collapsed in his arms, tired as you can barely stand up. Lucifer wiped the sweat from your face, he stared into your tired eyes and gave you a sweet kiss to your forehead. But when you thought the torture was over, Lucifer grab your hair again and when you saw that disappointed look on his face, you knew it wasn't over "Get your ass to the bed, and bend over" your master gave you orders and you followed them. Getting onto your hands and knees, you tried your best not to fall over as you crawled to Lucifer's bed. Bending over, you stuck your ass up in the air as your upper body laid on top of the covers. Looking over the bed, you notice there was more sex toys lying upon it: couple of vibrators, a few dildos. But one thing that caught your eye the most was Lucifer's riding crop. The same riding crop was picked up by the demon. Lucifer gripped the riding crop tightly in his hands and glared at your still bright red ass. 

"do you remember what to say?" Preparing for the strike to come, you gripped the covers and nodded in response. Lucifer took a deep breath before striking you with the riding crop. you jerked forward, you let out a loud moan of pain and pleasure as Lucifer precedes to hit you again

 "say it"

 "I'm a dumb human whore" the riding crop came in contact with your skin as Lucifer precedes to hit you harder 

"what else?"

 "I love to be stuffed by demon cock. To be used as a cum dope by your kind" he hit you again the riding crop leaving red marks to your already abused bottom 

"do you like to be treated like this?" Another strike thrash your skin, your words messy as you try to breathe

 "I- l love to be abused, used and treated like the scum I am" Lucifer steps back and smiles, admiring the new marks he added to your skin. Lucifer ran his fingers through his hair and quietly chuckled to himself as he watched you slowly crawl into his bed. Tired and out of breath, you just wanted to be filled up by him. You roll over onto your back and spread your legs open, you reached between your legs and spread open your wet and drenching cunt, exposing yourself to him "please, just fuck me" you continue "I said what you wanted, I did what you wanted, now please just do this one thing for me and fuck me" Lucifer inhale deeply, as he fight the urge to ravish you, to bury his cock deep inside of you. He looked over to his nightstand and slowly laughed as he stared at a clock that was sitting on it "look at the time. it's very late, maybe we should get some sleep?"

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Hahaha. So. Uh. *rocking back and forth like I'm waiting outside the principal's office* Yeeeah. Finish the queue and plug the thing, and I'm reblogging this one to plug it because... I have made a poor decision. But I explain too much, so first off:

I write this. I broke my website to fix it, and it's not quite fixed but it's legible. I think someone's reading or rereading right now, but I am super obscure and looking for more!

Known readers: 3 (hi!) 1st Goalpost: 10?

Known Supporters: I'm set up on Ko-fi but I'm not asking for money until I post more stuff!! 1st Goalpost: 5?

And let me tell you about my maladaptive coping skills...

So, I've learned to dissociate like a boss (no details, just accept that this happened to me for reasons!) and I like to tell myself stories. Not just like daydreams, I wanna get the language down and edit and everything. And, ya know, now that I'm older, with better writing shit that nobody will take away from me, I often write this stuff down. Tin Soldier has provided an outlet for that. I usually stick to it, and now Soldier On fills that niche pretty well...

But, oh no, I had to phrase the impossible (because it would be apocalyptic or boring) crossover fic, above, as a plot problem. And I've been having a very stressful week (eye shit and doctor shit) and I became trapped at a restaurant with the US news playing muted in the background while I ate. To paraphrase Alastor: Haha, so many bombings!

So, yeah, I solved it. I figured out how to get David situated at the Hazbin Hotel without getting him killed (and/or ruling Hell from a radio broadcast). And could I just go "OK, cool" and leave it alone like I should? NO!

I do not have the social skills to be active in fan spaces, folks. I read and shut up, when I read at all. Because I'm not going to be invested enough to know why the fandom has decided this is fanon and this isn't and I will cross lines I don't even see. And I'm too old to be running around on the internet, pissing in people's Wheaties over something I like. And, although David dates to 2017 and I am staying true to the skills he had at the time (plus the Compelling Voice, which is standard for his current situation), it sure as hell LOOKS like I made up a Mary Sue just to drag Alastor. And he does! Boy, does he!

Some folks say the Muses inspire. Stephen King says it's little elves who live in your keyboard. I say SATAN HIMSELF crawled into my ear and whispered, "You know, Barnaby is in hiding and Alastor is a perfect replacement goldfish. They're both aromantic and you know David needs (and hates) boundaries like that!" And I could not refute this!

I should embrace it. I should be shameless. I should say, "I am now involved in writing a verbal chess match between two incredibly skilled opponents, one of whom has just stuffed the other into a maid outfit, and the other of whom is still wearing said maid outfit while trying to maintain every scrap of dignity and dominance available - and Alastor is winning! Alastor in a maid outfit is winning! I can't believe it!" But I can't because I think it makes me sound like a clueless dork. (Well, the spouse hears me, I trust him.)

I have a file titled "I should NOT be writing this!" and I'm still writing it. I usually finish that stuff - I have files with titles like "Anything to Keep the Anxiety Down!" but it's all my own characters so I don't feel as bad about it. My stress levels are still through the roof (feeling hopeless about lack of ability to maintain focus on fine details, and sensory overload from unfortunate food) and I'll probably keep writing this one, like I keep eating a Cup Noodle even when I know it's real bad for me and I need fruits and veggies. I need to write the NDA dealing with the spy and completing their escape. I'm gonna write my OC sparring with a certified Tumblr sexyman until my neurons fall out from brain scurvy.

But will I show it to anyone other than my long-suffering spouse? I dunno. If you actually know David, you'll probably die laughing, but that's only a couple people. Everyone else'll be like "lol why u so angry?" And I wanna sit 'em all down and explain at length, "No! I'm not angry! I'm having fun! They're PERFECT for each other! I want them to experience CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT together! I HAVE THEMES TO EXPLORE!" I'm actually, finally getting one of David's three backstories written out! I'm gonna try my hand at writing original lyrics to instrumental ragtime - potentially creating music that would not get smacked with the copyright stick if I wanted to record or perform it! But these do not seem like the words of an author honing their craft, I just sound unhinged.

I'd be having way more fun if I really were unhinged, but I don't like to hurt people or even annoy them, ya know? I'm out looking for approval on the internet and that's precarious as fuck. I'm not cool. I can't just hold my head up and do whatever I want. You people will eat me. (Waaay more like Alastor than David in that way.)

But I'm writing it. I don't feel good about it. I'll probably get over myself and put it up somewhere eventually, even if it's just another Author Egg at the site. Alastor is IN the maid outfit and we'll see if David gets him to mop the floor. And it's got themes and poignancy and shit because apparently I can't help myself.

It's practice if nothing else but goddamn look at all these paragraphs over how conflicted I feel.

tl;dr? I'M SO GOOD AT ANXIETY, EVEN MY COPING MECHANISMS GIVE ME ANXIETY!

Oh God. David Heard There's Room Service In Hell!!

Once again, I am testing my drawing ability by NOT doing any of the MANY illustrations I need, but I would've been sad if I couldn't finish an illustration. And look! I made it! I CAN DRAW! (And collage, obvs not my suitcase or BG, but all Public Domain)!! Well, my stylus needs a new battery, BUT, IN THEORY, I CAN DRAW! It's low res like all my test images, and I don't think I'm gonna put Vivziepop out of business anytime soon, but I'm fond of it.

That's why I'm so sad that it'll NEVER EVER HAPPEN. As a storyteller (albeit an obscure one) let me elucidate...

Strictly in terms of narrative viability, David hails from an incompatible universe. For an Invisible, he's middling. The Compelling Voice he's so fond of seems to be standard-issue, he's just more of an asshole about using it. In Tin Soldier and Soldier On, he's not all that hard to beat. Some people even have a natural immunity! He's only a threat in the first place because nobody knows what he can do.

But the minute he rolls up to the Hazbin Hotel, not only does nobody know what he can do, nobody has that natural immunity, and it would be hard as hell (haha) to beat him with their combat-friendly magic system. David isn't doing that Capcom-esque "freeze the enemy for a few seconds while they're looking at it" hypnosis. He's issuing unbreakable commands. If you're not deaf, the only way to beat him is to forget what he said. And that seems like it would be difficult, if not impossible, for most of the cast. Alastor certainly won't stoop to inflicting head trauma or hypnosis or amnesiac-levels of liquor on himself.

And that MIGHT not be a problem, except as soon as Dave meets Al he's gonna go from zero to nemesis in about three seconds flat. "Hmm, let's see. Neat freak, carefully-curated personality, perma-smile, never a moment's weakness... That's a pathetic little traumatized man-baby and I'm going to pull him out of his shell if I need to use a crab fork!" And, canonically, Alastor is also willing to make enemies that quickly. David has a sense of humour and no sense of self preservation, combat tentacles and veiled threats ain't gonna do it. Round one, David's gonna mop the floor with the Radio Demon.

...And by that, I mean he'd stuff Alastor into one of Niffty's frilliest little outfits and literally make him mop the floor, and even Charlie encouraging him to be a better person wouldn't get him to quit. Also, he'd be ignoring her and bending over backwards to get Angel's attention.

"Oh, listen. The man is over one hundred years old with zero interest in one-night stands or whirlwind romances. Prohibition isn't a thing anymore, drinking and dancing just doesn't cut it. Give him a chance to develop a fetish for something a little bit taboo..."

"I̸̠̤̐̄̄ ̸͕̝͙̌A̸̪̅M̴̭̰̙̎̓ ̶͓̻̐̉L̷̹͕̍I̷̯͗T̷̫̄Ȩ̶̾̋R̴̝̥͒A̷͔̩͋̃̕Ļ̵͗͜L̶̘̈́Y̵͇̓͗̂ ̴̼̪̘͠Ā̷̠̽̆ ̶͍͓̊̉C̷̣͕̺͆̃͝A̵͙̾̅N̶̥̬̮̄N̴̤̯̬̒̉̚I̴̩̜̍B̷͈̪̩̄À̴̝̦L̶̪͂͛͗!̶̟̆"

"That's not a fun night out. It's barely even a meal, what with the garbage they're feeding people these days. I imagine everyone tastes like a fucking 'Cool Ranch Dorito.'" [while making quote marks with both hands] "Isn't he from Louisiana? They invented spicy! Tell me, my deer fellow, is the cross-dressing and domination lighting up any dials?"

"Ì̴̗ ̶̧̫͓͋W̵͜͝Í̸̗͋L̴͔͆̊̌L̴̨̜͚͂ ̸͈̤́Ḱ̵̳̩͜Í̷̘̾L̶̨̫̬̉͋̌Ļ̵̱̗͐͊ ̴̧̣͊̄̈́Y̴̛͖̺͓̓̐O̶̢̦̍̀U̷̠̞͇̎ ̷̨̛̮̭I̷̙̜̽N̸̘̣͙̆ ̵̞͑͝Y̷̰̭̽O̷̟̘̹̓Ủ̶̢̏R̷͉͑̄̀ ̷̧̧̤̎Ŝ̶̱͈̃L̵̰͋Ȅ̸̜̗̙̊̍E̷͇̦̒P̷͈̝̅̆͌.̴̡͈̅͑̓͜"

"My good man, I have unlimited access to drugs and a fun new activity, WHY WOULD I SLEEP? What shall we try next? Do you have any drugs, Angel? Oh, of course you do! Do you think he's more of an upper or a downer person? I think a few muscle relaxants might loosen up that permanent rictus of social anxiety, but God only knows. You must be smoking a crate of cigarettes a day! Do you even brush? Your teeth, I mean. Do you suppose those lovely people at Lourdes make a mouthwash...?"

And Charlie would say, clasping her little hands, "Okay! What if we make some popcorn and talk about our childhood traumas? Yaaaay!"

But David would, inevitably, pass out. Most likely after binging and doing untold damage with Angel. And Alastor would kill him... And that's where we have the biggest fucking plot problem of all. Alastor's go-to method of disposal is tearing people to pieces while broadcasting it on the radio. And it seems like their screaming continues for quite some time, perhaps eternally.

I have expressed this in song form, because I have a weird brain and I couldn't resist.

Wait, wait, nevermind the eternal torment. Can these little hellions hear me? Test, test, is this thing on? Pardon me, could you quiet down a bit? I have a few things I’d like to… Will you stop screaming? Ugh. EVERYBODY SHUT UP AND LISTEN RIGHT NOW! That’s better. I have a little message for my executive producer. Well! I say! Colour me startled, you fulfilled your vow Think you’ve won? But I’ve barely begun! I’m always looking for new fans to wow Can you hear me NOW? [aside] Will you screamers sing backup if I command it? Can I get a little harmony? (We… can’t help ourselves?) I am eternal, and guess who’s just boosted my signal So I can reach all of you lovely new people? (We can’t help ourselves!) It’s your own Radio Demon! What was he thinking? (We can’t help ourselves!) What was he drinking? Ha! His dial must be twisted! Now I’m serenading the damned for my infinite span All according to plan! Am I a madman or a genius? I’m a pianist! Take that, FCC I’m a wonder, your saviour Please excuse my rude behaviour, (but the demon sure done fucked up!) Think he did me a favour? Silence my vocals? A failure! I’m louder and I’m certainly braver So crank the signal to the noise, and enjoy my compelling voice It’s nice to have all these new toys, (but our deer friend is annoyed) A Spirit of Radio beats a demon blow for blow This Invisible is crackling on the air! Well, one does like to believe Though you’re stuck, I’m almost free! That’s what you think! Your weak signal can’t compare Though you’ve had a little fun Your broadcast is done, and it’s time for your payback I’m in control Too bad you atomized my soul! … Not this attention-starved, brandy-addled, overgrown twink Guilty! What could be more absurd? A plagiarist bird Tweety-pie can’t even sing, his theft is pitchy You call that bitchy? I’m afraid that’s not entertainment! You're looking for a new twist? Then let’s remix the arrangement! Is Al as stiff as he projects? What sorts of kinks do you suspect? I’ve seen lacy details with my very eyes! He lies! And if I Tiked a Tok or two Well, there’s nothing he can do! A V̷̰͖̉̂͝İ̶̙D̵̛̻̮̙͛̕E̴̼̱̕Ŏ̷͆ͅ?̷̗͎̞̏̅! If I did, you can’t delete it That's the truth! When I find you in here, Ÿ̴͕̚Õ̸̠̝̕Ů̵̩̹Ŕ̸͔ ̸̬̋̂̔͜T̸̮̙͌̕Ő̵͔͕̑̄R̵̩̣̅͌̌͜M̷̝̹̾̏Ĕ̶̦͕̟Ň̶̮͊Ṱ̷̲̈̔̈ ̵̡̹̟̑Ẅ̷̝́͝I̷͉͋ͅL̴͎̞̎L̶̯͓͑ ̵̬͐͐͝Ḅ̸͚̬̅Ẹ̴̎̿͠ ̴̻͉̲̐̈́͠N̵̖̟̤͑̽E̴͙͎͘V̸̡͕̦̾̕Ė̵̝͈̀Ŕ̴̺-̸̡̱̇̾̉E̴̠̣̊̐̋Ń̵͔̬̝̑D̴̡̬͙̓İ̴͔͋͊N̸̞̙͐̒Ĝ̷̼̺̐͆.̸̤̭́̐̅.̸̰̓͝.̷̤̬̌ #MaidioDemon is trending! Y̴̼̿͆O̶̟͇͊̏͜Ǔ̸͈ ̴̨̫͘I̷̡͓̜̍̈́̽N̸̜̩̉̄͝S̵͚͈̭̅̓Ĩ̸̢̯͇͘Ṗ̶̩̭̦I̴̱͑D̷̨͖̚ͅ,̴̥͕̌̈̾ ̸̛̳̈́Ṭ̶̢̠͒Ė̸̱̼̕C̸̙̥̈́H̵͓̠̔̀N̷̖͝Ǒ̶̬Ć̶͔̃͘Ř��͙͍͠Ä̴̟́̊T̴̳̉̊͜I̶̞̓͝C̵̢̨̲͐̇̎.̵̼̏͋.̷͎̆ͅ.̸̘̜̒ Darling, please, you’re lost in static One thing’s clear! You must be wishing that you took the L, you poor deer Say farewell. I’m very grateful that you gave me Hell Oh, this will be swell! [Vivziepop, distantly:] Fuck!

"Stayed Gone" is a patter song and I can't keep up with it as I read it, but I think the lyrical parts scan, at least. A-heh. Please excuse my hubris, but it's doubtful anyone will see this.

Of course, I would never torment someone with arguably GNC-phobic revenge porn, but that guy IS NOT ME. Your only hope for dealing with David is if Vaggie decides he's more of a threat than an amusement and straight up kills him, and that's not a plot, that's a cul-de-sac. So this little not-a-fic is all you'll get from me about this unsustainable situation.

...Alright, I might put Alastor in a maid outfit if anyone cares, but I really should be illustrating. I have precisely 13 to do before I can post more story! Unless I decide to post it anyway!

All apologies to Vivziepop, whom I've name-checked as one of a few creators I'd sell out or saw off my leg to work with. But - although I am tempting fate - prrrobably no one will see this. I'm just doin' a little practice and amusing myself.

Right, Tumblr?

[umbran6]

The Argument Against Caleo

Spoilers up to Blood of Olympus and beyond. Beware! (Or not, the book series has been out for a few years, get over it). I wrote this after seeing a user wondering why people didn’t like Caleo, or in some cases, hated it. Here, I want to explain the answer as much as possible while doling out my own points. 

One of the main grievances I have as a fan of Leo Valdez would be the ship Caleo, or Leo x Calypso. It’s a complicated ship, to say the least, with multiple issues that make me question why people like the ship. And I admit it, they initially had some chemistry, but there’s multiple issues that Uncle Rick produced through making such a relationship that makes it extremely open to criticism, criticism which I will explain through this post.

One of my main points against them is that the ship was created on a very limited time scale. Although we aren’t given an exact date to date of when Leo and Calypso met to when they fell in love, we can safely estimate it to be a week at best. Such a limited amount of time from going through the multiple stages of a relationship already stresses the limits of the suspension of disbelief.

A counterexample would be Percabeth, or Percy x Annabeth. Throughout the series, we aren’t introduced to them being romantically involved until the Titan’s Curse, which was two years after they met. Specifically, this is brought up by Aphrodite, the goddess of love herself. Admittedly, Percy and Annabeth were twelve years old when they first met, when romance was definitely out of the picture, especially with a quest to get the Master Bolt.

However, from there we get to see multiple examples of their character depth, ranging from their respective fatal flaws to their ambitions, hopes and dreams, and their friendship. We get to see the slow build up of their chemistry, which was a really good writing move on Uncle Rick’s part. These characters took their sweet time to get to where they wanted to go, and despite the false romantic lead of Rachel, they still got together.

On the other hand, we don’t see enough of this between Leo and Calypso — we only see one book where they interacted with each other in The House of Hades, and that was only for a handful of chapters. While they are definitely older so they can jump straight to romance (some may say too old, but I’ll get to that) its still a pretty huge gap to jump through without making it stick. This makes it hard to root for a ship when it is built on a rather faulty foundation from the ‘they just met’ to ‘they get together’, especially when they don’t have a lot of events to show their chemistry.

Which brings me to Ogygia, which has raised a few red flags for me when looking at it from a retrospective point of view. Now, we know what the main issue of the island is that the hero who landed on said island can’t leave until Calypso falls in love with them. And we’ve seen this with Percy during the Battle of the Labyrinth, where he lands in the island and Calypso falls in love with him while tending to his wounds from, you know, being erupted from freaking Mt. St. Helens. Needless to say, this falling in love with each other montage happened quickly to the point of suspicion, which sets up the complication that Calypso and Leo might have fallen in love due to magical intervention.

And hear me out, because although this  might be a pretty big pill to swallow, we have evidence for this through Percy. It only takes one chapter for Calypso and Percy to meet, and the next he’s willing to consider leaving Camp Half-Blood and Annabeth behind to live on the island when Hephaestus gives him the choice to leave Ogygia or stay. We don’t even get an explanation on why Percy considered giving it all up just so he can be with her. All we know is, girl meets boy, now they want to live on an isolated island forever. It’s especially absurd considering Percy’s hamartia (fatal flaw) is freaking loyalty to those he loves.  Needless to say, It’s a huge YIKES, especially when we apply it to Leo and Calypso. 

It also raises the possibility that the romantic relationship between them is doomed to failure. And if you guys want to fight me on this, let’s look at Jason and Piper, a couple whose relationship started with a similar foundation. Piper had romantic memories implanted into her brain by Hera through the use of the Mist, while Jason was reduced to a Tabula Rasa (a blank slate for those who lack culture) by said goddess. They broke up before the Trials of Apollo because it was clear that when the dust settled, Piper had been aware that their romance was a lie and that their intentions to stay together was a mix of delusion and pressure from freaking Aphrodite. Leo and Calypso get together under what is arguably a very similar set of conditions if Ogygia’s magic had any influence on their relationship, and that this magic could wear off if given enough time. 

Third, and here’s a pretty big one for me, would be Calypso’s character, mainly because there are a lot of unfortunate implications attached to it. In The Blood of Olympus, she was turned into the divine equivalent of Princess Peach, with Leo being her Mario (except he saves her with a badass metal dragon). Its extremely unnecessary to make a character, especially as one such as Calypso, get  turned into the typical reward of a B-Class action movie. It’s insulting and puts her up as a trophy, a narrative that is definitely not ok by any means necessary.

In another direction, Calypso is also really, really worrying when things don’t go get her way. First, let’s look at The Odyssey, the first myth she pops up. Calypso had imprisoned Odysseus for ten years on her island until Hermes said to let him go, and although it gives them plenty of time to fall in love, it also raises the implications of stockholm syndrome. Then we’ve got the fact that Calypso cursed Annabeth out of spite, implicitly saying that she wished the daughter of Athena would suffer the same isolation that she did, which came to reality when Percy and Annabeth met the Arai in Tartarus. And Annabeth wasn’t even aware that she was still in Ogygia, much less intentionally intervened in the matter. When Percy left Ogygia, rather than be angry at Percy, Calypso cursed Annabeth out of all people to suffer the same loneliness and misery she went through. That’s some Hera at her worst levels of spite. 

Through such evidence we can see that Calypso is extremely wrathful towards those who break her heart even though they don’t want to. It certainly implies that Calypso isn’t in a good state of mind, and could easily repeat said actions if provoked. We could almost compare it to Medea and the original Jason, but at least in that case, Medea has every right to be pissed off at Jason and take her revenge. Calypso’s curse and how she handles things certainly implies a level of immaturity that would end in disaster if they broke up.

One issue that, I’ll admit is more from my personal point of view is that the ship took a lot of Leo’s character and threw it in the garbage in Blood of Olympus. Though we see him do a lot of stuff behind the scenes, the fact that its all for the goal of reaching Calypso just reduced him to someone who is more focused on love than, you know, fighting the evil goddess that was responsible for killing his mom and getting sweet sweet revenge. While the revenge plot can be cliched sometimes, it can be played well, while romance and the typical ‘always save the girl’ trope is just overdone. If Leo had been allowed to, you know, be more focused on other things rather than Calypso, we could have seen a lot more variety in his character.

For example as one of the possible character arcs he could’ve gone through, Leo has always been alone among the couples, often being isolated. Heck, Nemesis herself stated that he would always be the seventh wheel, and that he would never find a place among his brethren. Though some fellow tumblr users have taken this in multiple ways, either saying that he should learn to be happy by himself or that he is socially isolated in the Argo II because of these romantic relationships (I prefer a mix of both). Uncle Rick just giving him a girlfriend seems like taking the easy way out of solving such an issue and abandoning what could’ve been a rather interesting character arc. The relationship isn’t a bad thing if we remove some of the unfortunate implications, but it is a bad way to end what is a complex and realistic problem for a character and in some cases maybe possible in real life.

One more minor but still yikes worthy point is that there’s a huge age gap between them. We’re not talking about the ‘Hazel is 15 and Frank is 17 and in one year that’ll be a problem because then Hazel will be jailbait’ age gap. And even then, we can argue that Hazel is older since she is chronologically ninety-one years old. No, Calypso is older by millennia in terms of mindset and body due to the perks of being a goddess, while Leo is sixteen.

God-to-Mortal relationships are already complicated, even with emotionally and socially well-functioning adults. The fact that Leo is underage, inexperienced with romance (despite his flirting, Calypso was his first kiss), and has been through a freaking ton of trauma in his youth, does not make this okay. At best, they’re both mutually interested in each other but may have different expectations when it comes to a relationship. At worst, Calypso is taking advantage of a boy just so she can get out of Ogygia and possibly dumping him later on like the wrapping of a candy bar. Even though Calypso lost her immortality during The Trials of Apollo, that doesn’t even compensate for the immense age gap alongside Leo’s guilt at the possibility that he might’ve been responsible for her losing said immortality.

Oh, and about Leo... I’m a fan of him, but I can admit that he is in a bad spot both mentally and emotionally throughout the series. He’s lost his mom due to a mix of his own powers and Gaea’s trickery, and never had the chance to fully process that event and come to terms with it. The foster home system alongside his own trauma has forced him to hide his emotions through a façade of happiness and jokes when it’s quite clear to me he needs a therapist, stat. He's also run away from several foster homes, implying this means he was and still is being affected by the event. His mask is still on during The Blood of Olympus considering he hid a lot of things from Piper and Jason.

Speaking about them, not helping this matter is the fact that he’s rather isolated in terms of friendships since Jason and Piper, his supposed best friends are more interested in locking lip rather than, you know, actually hanging out with each other.  He doesn’t have good friendships with the rest of the Seven, and the closest ones he does have is with Hazel and Frank. And even then they start off in the wrong spot since Frank is very insecure about possibly losing Hazel to him during Mark of Athena while Hazel in the meantime, is also dealing with the fact that he is the descendant of her possible boyfriend Sammy Valdez. 

This could indirectly have made him desperate for affection since he has nobody else to confide in during the rest of the series, which is a bad mental state to be in when one lands on Ogygia, the island that we’ve seen could possibly force two people to fall in love with each other. A romantic relationship is not something that he needs or something that will help him in the future. He needs more than that, and having him in one that could end in disaster is the last thing he needs. 

And that does not make him a bad person, much less a bad character. While some who are similarly emotionally and socially isolated may turn to violence or creepy behavior on those they want affection from, Leo does not do that to the other characters. It just means that he as a character needs more time to recover and develop before we go giving him romantic relationships, much less one with Calypso.

That’s not to say that they don’t have some things in common. Both are starved for love and affection, with Calypso being constantly rejected by heroes while Leo was rejected by foster homes and his own family. It’s a trait that they have in common, but it shouldn’t be the only thing that they have in common, especially since it is laced with a trauma that is clear they haven’t had help processing. They need to develop more as characters and as friends before they should be paired together.

So… yeah. The Caleo relationship is, in my eyes, doomed to failure, or at least heavily flawed after taking the above points into account. Uncle Rick, as if seemingly aware of these criticisms, has put the relationship in a rocky place by The Tower of Nero, giving them the possibility of overcoming the above criticisms and their own flaws, or giving fanfic writers an out and pairing Leo with another character or have him single, but happy. Either way, in my opinion Caleo is a bad ship when it comes to how it was created, alongside the flaws and unfortunate implications it has.

While I can see some of the chemistry the ship has, you can’t just use a couple of moments where they get along as evidence that they belong together, especially with the above reasons. That’s like using a band-aid to cover a bullet hole without removing the bullet, stopping the bleeding, and preventing infection. If both characters and their relationship had been given more time to develop, I would understand how they would get together.