#i go study for uni again
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He goe i guess, listen limbus egos look cool sooooo
#library of ruina#project moon#lor#roland#roland lor#Dimension shreader#uhhhh\#yes#roland visits lovetown#and comes out not the same#anyway you go drink some tea#i go study for uni again#fuckin exams happening even when its not exam season yet#but ya know how it is#uhhh#see ya!#go drink tea
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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College (uni??) AU catering to my own interests as it should always be hehe :)
#projecting my major on Vash because them mfs who have changed from the med field majors to that one have some tragic things to tell#and also because I think that Vash would be such a wonderful designer I don’t know why it’s a gut feeling#Nai the law major because of course he would have you seen the guy#he would be a personal injury lawyer because lore#fun fact Nai rested for a semester after the incident with Vash while Vash took two.He never told Nai he would be changing majors#so it was a big big shock for him. they fought again but yk I’ll explain more on that if anyone is interested#as to Kni and WW I thought it’d be funny if they shared a common subject that required a lot of team assignments#and they can NEVER work out together. being an absolute nightmare to the rest of their group#separately they are great to work with. even if Kni can come off as too bossy sometimes he is actually a great leader#and WW would always deliver things on time exactly as it was asked from him#but Kni and WW just never really matched. Kni was too rude at times when WW made a mistake and WW would always clock him if he passed a line#like insulting his reasons for wanting to study security#one day Kni tells him at the beginning of a new semester where they both have unfortunately landed on a shared subject again#“you are not suited for that sort of job Wolfwood. you should simply give up and why don’t you go play role model to your little kids’’#then WW beats him again and then is like hey yk what you’re kinda right. and changed majors and he feels so much more at home studying#education/teaching than security. he fucking hates some things but the end goal makes it worthy#Trigun Uni! AU#because I don’t know how differently a college and a uni work#trigun#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun stampede#vashwood#trigun fanart#wolfwood#vash#Nai saverem#millions knives#lenssi draws#pen!
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decided to go back to uni
#ive been DELIBERATING. and its a good choice#look i really can't imagine going back to teaching#and what I really don't want is to scramble for a new career in a new field as a junior without education#besides i know what i want#it's just a bachelors. it'll be over in a jiffy#you get paid to study here and I'll have an easier time finding an apartment too -- its the reason im starting on monday already (not uni b#t I lucked out and got put in some electoral classes that I could take just to get student status until may#and then i start the curator bachelors in august so it just. works. i can scarcely believe it but ill have time to change my mind if i do#IM SCARED. IM PUMPED. I FEEL OLD. IT'LL BE FINE.#also lmao every meeting i had with a councelor past few weeks ended with me sobbing because im so terrified and relieved at the same time#(really can't imagine teaching again i think it would kill me)#(but holy shit starting an entirely new carreer at 32? she wildin')#but yeagh. job ops look great and i have always regretted not turning to history so. AUGH PIC RELATED ME ASF#for a split second did I deliberate studying theology to be ordained just to spit the catholic church in the face? i did. what a laughhhh
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Year abroad declaration of intent due in 12 days and I'm kind of freaking out about it 😭
#this isn't my official application but it's telling my uni what i intend to do and somewhat committing to a path#the reason i'm stressing is that teaching assistant is my first choice of option but if i get rejected from that (not unlikely if they can't#find a school able/willing to accommodate my stammar) then i won't have an easy time getting into study abroad as a backup#but if i list study abroad as first option then i can't apply for teaching assistant#so if i get rejected from teaching assistant then it's very likely i'll end up in a uni i wouldn't have chosen in the first place#it's only a year of my life. worst case scenario i'll stick it out and be done with it#besides the real point is to improve my french so as long as that happened then it's grand#but idk there's so much hype about the year abroad and former students saying it was the best thing ever that i'm very scared i'm gonna be#disappointed when i struggle#one again having thoughts of Maybe I'm Too Disabled For This. which is obvs stupid because many people in france have stutters too#idk man i'm so so grateful my french tutors are all going above and beyond to support me in class and for my year abroad application#but it feels very isolating being the only one in my cohort going through this and even though my friends are understanding it's.....yeah#i'm tired of putting on a brave face about it. i'm so scared and i feel so incompetent. i don't wanna be an inspiration#well for other people w speech problems wanting to do languages yeah. but not for able bodied people (aka my family 'you're overcoming so#many challenges')#i know they mean well but i'm tired. i'm so tired. i wish i was able bodied i wish [redacted] didn't happen so i wouldn't talk like this.#ellis exclaims
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i'm sorry everyone but there definitely is NO WAY i'm gonna be able to finish my ep8 style meta in time. i'm only at the scene where popcorn and jimmy have their (pre) marital dispute and i have SO. MUCH. to say but i also have an appointment all afternoon and tomorrow i have classes and it also takes me forever to put my thoughts into proper, coherent sentences
#gahhhh i really do need two weeks between eps#AT LEAST THIS IS MY LAST WEEK OF CLASSES#i do have 2-3 more important uni assignments to finish tho rip#airenyah plappert#adrm#thk#back to writing i go i only have an hour left before i need to leave the house again#actually i'm going to see my language study buddy which is good bc i can ask all of my language questions for my meta
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idk how to live so im going to talk to myself out loud until i do
#listen. take a deep breath. i know your bpm is high but you need to think with me for a second.#remember that you are paper thin. all your facets are sheets of paper and what you gave her is just another one.#make a new one. you dont need it. you dont need her to see you. i know you think you need her but you will be okay. i know its hard.#you wish you could have shown her how you loved her. listen to yourself. you are made of paper.#she might be concrete or maybe wood or maybe gold. you need to start laying your roots elsewhere. shut that thought down#and blink and listen. the parts you keep thinking of arent lost. they still happened and they are yours to keep.#there is beauty in this loss. tell me about the beauty in this loss. its okay to think about it. you got to see it all and nothing more#and this is great because it would have been bad. you know it would be violent in a way you dont need. you know this to be true.#you are going to look at that empty space in her shape and youre going to fill it with everything that happened when you knew her.#the memories with her but then also the the way your friends talked you through it. the game with the clovers.#your first allergic reaction you almost died and you couldnt stop laughing and you were held so close to their hearts.#learning the names for all the floursecent gene tracking dyes that everyone else knows already. about the exam - listen again.#i know you think if you fail your life is over but you need to try your best. youre not going to get a good grade in a uni test for the fir#youre going to make up for it. youre going to make sure you make up for it. do you understand? i love you. you have to do this.#right now you need to sit up. breathe. i know your heart hurts. go to the living room. grab something to eat. i dont care if you feel full.#youre going to clean your mattress heater. youre going to study a bit longer and then youre going to sleep. youre going to tell your mother#im sorry and i might genuinely fail a test. shes going to tell you its okay. if you do badly in this course you can just become a neurosurg#just agree. dont argue right now. its okay. youre okay. you are paper thin. i know any puncture hurts.#breathe. think of your friends. think of their hands in yours. it isnt eternal.youve lived through worse. the empty sky is still beautiful.#the lack of her is still beautiful
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Perhaps we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot here, Stanley.
#my art#i’m tsp brainrotting again instead of studying for midterms#hashtag winning#tsp#tsp fanart#tspud#tspud fanart#tsp narrator#tspud narrator#the narrator#the narrator stanley parable#the stanley parable#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#fanartist#we’re also going to ignore the fact that i’ve yet to play tspud since i’m a broke uni student who doesn’t have any time#but i swear to god it’s like my number one priority for when i have a day off
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i always have to check at least 3 times to make sure i havent accidentally texted someone in bulgarian instead of english its so embarrassing
#imagine when i go to study in uni bro. just randomly switching to a language most of the people there dont understand yeahh 😍😍#it has happened btw i have texted ppl in bg and it was rlly awkward never again#im like 90% sure that most of my followers/mutuals are american/canadian and max 2 ppl will find this relatable 🤤
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just met 2 ppl from my dorm im actually gonna cry now im so fucking awkward
#like i LOVE talking to people#but i cant#i just CANT#my primary school literally sent me to a psychologist 2 times for this#maann i wish my parents hadn't made me feel like a freak abt it#then maybe it would've worked#but yeah now i have to live with it ig and it drives me crazy#bc like#i dont wanna be like this#and i WANT to change#and ive been trying all my life#and ik i should probably go to therapy again but ofc my parents wont let me#took them long enough to accept i wanted to study psychology#idk they just hate everything that has to do with mental health#im actually thinking abt going to a psychologist from my uni next semester#hope they dont have to inform my parents then#but like ill pay for it and im 18 sooo#but its scary#okay oh my god this got waaayy longer than i thought#sorry guys haha
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do you know what its something that i hate. teachers that are pieces of shit and take a big part of your grade because the person you had to work with didnt do their part and because of that you said hey. ill do all myself!!! just gotta add that they didnt work!!!! and the teacher says fuck you get a 70 this is what you get for not doing every single possible way of communication with your partner to get them to write one (1) one thing in this paper
#mind you i had been sending emails over and over and over AND OVER to this person and they just. ignored it.#<- i study online#<- we are in fucking university come ON MAN JUST READ THE EMAILS#i even asked on the whatsapp group if they had their number!!! no one had it!!!#and then in the class!!! the piece of shit says!!!! sorry i didnt see the activity but eh we got a 70 right? KILL YOURSE#studyblr#uniblr#uni life#even more of a piece of shit of a teacher bcs ???? what the fuck???? so alllllll my research gets me less of a grade of what i deserve#but this fucker gets a 70 FOR FREEE#and my teacher has the audacity to send ME an email saying well you shouldve tried to yknow. get them to work!#HOW????? HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO GET THEM TO WORK IF IM JUST YELLING AT A VOID WITHOUT GETTING AN ANSWER???????#I EVEN ADDED ON THE ACTIVITY THAT I WASNT ABLE TO CONTACT THEM BEFORJANkdsfdsmahf#hipster looking ass teacher when you go to the barber shop your hair WILL get fucked#you WILL have a ugly fade and your glasses will crack#I hate this teacher so much this isnt even all that he has done and its been only 4 weeks#i need this man to be struck down by zeus rays and for him to never wake up again#college#university#study#<- study mentioned but i feel my will to study go bye bye thanks to this man
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can't believe i'm googling ways to get into uni with a degree
#hate myself so much that i would go through uni again 👍#my mom says i should study law or sociology. hm.#honestly if it were up to myself i'd get one million degrees lol#jo.txt
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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so there won't be any "roaming around the campus while looking for spots to sit and read in" or "oh I could sit at that ONE spot and sketch while listening to podcasts" or "I'll just take a walk near the garden area and cb to continue my painting" or "I'll look around in the art lab to feel inspired" or "I'll sit on that one bench that is surrounded by trees and enjoy the sound of wind rustling through the trees or the sight of squirrels jumping around here and there while constantly chattering" anymore???
#like why???#i just want my happy winter days back#i swear it is so weird how you go to school for years and then one day you just don't???#and then you're like it's okay I'll recover from this and you start enjoying going to uni#(not because how trashy the system is but because of all the things you do to make it all a little better)#but then again one day you just don't go there anymore???#and what's even worse is that now I don't even have a third place#home - coaching - home#that's all.#and it is sooooo annoying#because there aren't any book clubs in our city or music clubs or any such things#not even a good library#they call the study rooms as libraries over here#i cannot#pls pls pls give me my uni days or school days baack#or just provide a third place T.T#random huge ass rant
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ooooof why did it take me about 3.5 hours to write about the very first fadelstyle scene alone. at this rate i'm never gonna finish the main text by sunday night (monday noon)
#and i HAVE to finish at the latest by monday at noon#bc i'm busy all afternoon on monday and tuesday i have classes again#and wednesday i also have classes before the new ep drops so i can't really do anything there#except for maybe do some editing/proofreading (at least in the morning class)#ideally i'd done with the main text by appointment monday afternoon#bc i'm studying with my language buddy and i can ask him all the language questions i still need to clear up for my meta by then#and then monday evening when i get home i can work the new info into my meta#and then tuesday in my free time i'll make the gifs i need and then proof-read everything at night#anyway it's 1:30am i better get back to writing as much as i can before bedtime#airenyah plappert#thk#adrm#thing is!! i'll be traveling home tomorrow as well so that's already 3h i can't spend on writing#and monday i'm traveling back again so that's why ideally i'd be done by sunday night (never gonna make it rip)#technically i can write on the train altho i was gonna use that time for assignments kdfjkdf#you know what. maybe i should just pull an all-nighter now#that way i'll have the weekend to catch up on sleep so i won't be tired af when i go back to uni next week#ohhhh there's an idea yeah djfkjkdfkdg
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🤞
#exams did go fairly well#hopefully nothing worse than a B but i think an A is certainly possible in at least one of them#so hopefully 🥹🥹#i did study quite a bit not as much as i hoped for but a step up from my lack of effort the last few weeks#so hopefully i can get back to better routines now#i mean i do know probably many didn't study at all for these exams as they were not that serious#buuut if you want a good grade i feel like you have to at least i studied for like 2-3 days altough i would have liked to study for a week#also my schedule is just insane i think but then maybe it's just me idk#my time management is not the best but i still wonder how others would do with so many classes and extra activities#i have like 20 classes this semester + 2 exams i intend to take extra#i'm not attending all of them that wouldn't be possible and i'm not sure i can take all the exams but i'm happy if I manage like 17 or so#but like a normal amount is 10 classes a semester in my country but in reality most students don't take this many either#well i'm basically enrolled in two programms atm so there's that ig#but often i'm just wondering when i'm gonna study#i also play tennis a lot and competiting for my club (at a rec level)#and i'm training for this entrance exam for sports (i'm currently studying teaching with other subjects + English)#altough this is making me question if i'm fit for this everyday 🫠 i'm fairly good at 2 things ball sports and just like general athleticism#we also need to dance do gymnastics and swim i struggle with all of them#i'm not fast enough at swimming and my technique is bad i can't even do a cartwheel and a bad dancer 😭#the requirements are really high though i mean when i think of people i know from tennis or football no one would even get there closely#like i was the fastest at my former football club (and at every uni football course) and i might just barely cut it for sprinting#and i'm really quite athletic when playing tennis my opponents always notice and coordinated in sports as well#but somehow coordination for gymnastics is not the same?😅 how can i be so graceful playing tennis and most sports with balls but so clumsy#otherwise like doing a handstand... no balance 🥲#but anyways i also do like general fitness stuff going to the gym running a bit and trying to eat healthy#but my studying hours are very limited often tmrw i have uni from half 2 until 8pm in the evening and i have a preparation course for sports#before uni starts at half 10#i just really get the urge to drop everything sometimes 🥲 i also wanna see friends again more not just at uni and in the bus#i miss my semesters with 10 courses a week it was beautiful so much freedom and free time 🥹#uni was so enjoyable back then... don't get me wrong i enjoy most of my uni courses what i not enjoy is not having any time to myself
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