#i go in circles trying to remember the process i did before and then NOTHING FEELS RIGHT

[bitalis]

i hate trying to color now because i used to have a process and now i dont remember it so now i just feel like crying instead of doing something new

[readychilledwine]

span it into March, Liz. Make us cry instead

You asked for it.

Pieces of You Pt 1

Summary - After losing Feyre to childbirth, Rhysand finds himself leaning on one of her friends much more than he'd ever expected

Warnings - depression, self destructive behavior, babies, grieving, loss of motivation in life, Rhys feels his spark is gone, we haven't seen into readers headspace yet

Prologue

Rhys had not left his bed in 7 days. He had not changed. He had not bathed. Dark circles were beginning to form under his eyes as a permanent reminder of the lack of sleep he allowed himself.

It took one week. One week for him to feel the light Feyre lit in his soul to go out. One week for him to feel the last of his spark die. One week of tugging nothing but an aching empty void. Rhys saw no joy in life anymore, just burden and heartache.

Cassian entered the room, sitting on the edge of the bed. It had been like this the whole time. Each day, a different member of the Inner Circle would come to his newly claimed room. They'd try to tell him about his son, try to force him to eat, to drink something other than another bottle of whiskey or wine. They all would leave when they realized he wouldn't budge, and that's how Rhys wanted it to be right now. He wanted to be alone. To drown himself in self hatred, in guilt, in anger, in the depths of sadness he had never felt before. “She's asking when you're going to come see him. She's concerned you aren't bonding with him and-”

“Tell her I just lost my fucking mate and I will see him when I'm ready to.” Rhys growled out every letter, glaring at Cassian. “She's fully fucking capable of caring for both of them.”

Cassian's shoulders fell. “Rhys, she just lost her mate, too, remember? The so-called accident in the port? The one we are fairly sure Beron and Koschei planned? He was one of the males killed.”

A moment of sympathy crossed through Rhysand's face before his own grieve ate through the emotion completely. “She was one of Feyre's friends, Rhys. Trust me. She's mourning as hard as we all are as well as mourning her mate, and trying to process it all while caring for two newborns in her home unexpectedly.”

Rhys rolled away from him, indicated he was done, and Cassian sighed, looking down towards his feet. “She's keeping Nyx alive, selflessly, Rhys. Our last physical piece of Feyre. At least consider going and seeing him.”

-

Members of the Inner Circle had all but moved into your cottage.

You had gone from just you and Wen to you, Wen, Nyx, and which ever member or members arrived to take care of you that day.

Today, Lady Death stood at your door with Cassian. They were holding baby supplies, food for lunch, and clothes for both of the babies. Nesta was a shell, moving into the home in silence and setting things down as if time was moving at a slower pace for her.

Cassian tucked your messy hair behind your ear. “I asked him to come see Nyx.”

Your eyes lit up, hope for the little heir shining in them. “And?” Cassian just shook his head, eyes beginning to water as he did.

“Is he asleep?” You nodded at the question. “And Little Mor?” You nodded again.

“I fed them both about 20 minutes ago.”

“Go do something for you,” Nesta's voice was lifeless. “We will make lunch. Azriel will be here soon.”

Azriel had become a constant companion. As soon as he realized Rhys had no interest in seeing Nyx, he had been here, standing in where a father should be. Doing whatever you needed, whatever the babies needed. Even though he was there for Nyx, he still treated “Little Mor," as the Inner Circle had all named your daughter, like he was here for her too.

You moved into your bathroom, looking at the now lukewarm bath you had drawn for yourself. It would be fine. You'd be quick. Then you would be ready to go be super mom and nanny again.

-

Azriel froze when he saw Rhys dressed in casual clothing, waiting for him at the door. He had lunch for the High Lord, hoping he'd be able to make him eat before leaving to be with you and his favorite babies. A shadow curled his ear, whispering how Rhys wanted to go see his son. How he needed to meet you officially. How he was struggling to set aside his own needs. How he was a scared lamb where a lion once stood, ready to run the second things became too difficult.

Azriel held a hand out, reaching for Rhys like the brothers had reached for each other so many times before. He waited, smiling softly at Rhys as a shaking hand placed itself in his and he walked them through the shadows before Rhys could change his mind.

-

Struggling flowers in pots sat outside of the cottage, wilting slightly from the lack of time and care put into them. A blue door sat on silver hinges, greeting them brightly. Mocking Rhysand's sadness with its cheerful presence.

You were an artist, Rhys knew that much. Where Feyre loved to paint, you used charcoal to express yourself. He also knew the two of you were fast friends, constantly having lunch together, shopping together, giggling.

You had been all Feyre spoke of when she met you 4 months ago. Her first true friend with no ties to a lover, to the inner circle, to obligations. You chose her, and she relished in every moment of your love, and from what Rhys understood, you relished in hers.

Rhys had a piece of your artwork. You had sketched out Feyre, mind and hands deep in paint, glowing towards the tail end of her pregnancy as she worked on painting Nesta rising from the Lake as Lady Death.

You had an impeccable eye for details and for making emotions readable through lines. You were a true gem to the Rainbow. A valued member of Velaris. He knew your name long before Feyre had mentioned you, but now, you were irreplaceable.

To him, to Nyx, to the Inner Circle.

They owed you. Rhys owned you. The very least he could do was drag himself out of a bed, throw on clothing, and come see his son. Rhys shook as his hand reached to knock, before scarred ones gently lowered His and twisted the knob.

“We don't knock. We just enter. No loud noises, okay?" Azriel opened the door, nodding to where Nesta sat with her hands on her hand, and Cassian was making lunch. “They must be sleeping?”

Cass nodded not turning his back to face them yet. “Little Mor and Nyx just fell asleep 25 minutes go. Y/n is Bathing in cold water because Mother forbid that female takes a moment for herself-”

As if on cue, as if sensing Rhysand's presence, a piercing cry broke through the house, and they heard a door open and then another. Azriel pulled Rhys with him to the nursery where Nyx and Morwenna slept during the day. "That cry was Nyx," Azriel said softly. "He struggles during naptime. Little Mor has a more rattle cry."

Long hair dripped water onto the wooden floorboards as a small winged figure rested his head on a bare shoulder. “I know, sweetheart,” you bounced him so softly, soothing him back to sleep. “I know you're lonely. It's okay. We can cuddle, I don't mind.” A deep huff left his mouth as he settled in, basking in the contact you were offering him.

Rhys moved like a ghost to the second bassinet where a sweet girl slept, happy and content for what he hoped was a few more moments.

The two of them could have been twins. Same dark hair, similar noses, similar lips set in a forever baby pout.

Aside from gender, there were only two glaring details sitting on Nyx's back that were the tell-tale sign of their different parents. Two glaring details that killed his mate, his wife. “And your son's mother,” a soft feminine voice whispered. “She was his mother, too, High Lord. He is missing her just as much as you are.”

Azriel looked to Rhys, calling for him in his mind. Daemati. Check your shields.

"His shields are fine. He's just screaming his thoughts like they're going to manifest into life if he does."

A deep voice finally answered, void of all emotion. “I don't think he misses her half as much as I do, my lady,” Rhys continued to look at Morwenna. A picture-perfect babe who caused you no harm.

“Little Mor,” Azriel said as he stroked her tuff of dark hair. "This is Morwenna, but we call her Little Mor.” Azriel then moved to Nyx, a ghost of a smile as his lips quickly trembled before he masked it. “You should hold him, Rhys. He might remember your voice.”

“It would be good for both of you,” you whispered. “He needs you. Look into his little mind and then Wen’s,” a pointed look to Azriel allowed Rhys to finally see you.

Tired eyes, features pale from exhaustion, a small smile that didn't reach your eyes. Your beautiful eyes. You were stunning, even by high fae standards, Rhys knew that, but he could hardly appreciate it the way he once had. There was no more beauty in his world. No more light. Feyre had taken it all with her.

“High Lord, please, holding him. Even just for a second.” You moved to Rhys, standing before him, offering so much more than just his son. “He needs you, and you need him. Just open your eyes and see that.”

Rhys held out shaking hands, taking his son in his arms for the first time, holding him for the first time. Bright blue eyes looked up at him, laced with sleep and confusion, before snuggling so closely into his chest that Rhysand felt something stir again. You moved him to the chair, forcing him to sit and handing him tissues as the tears began to fall.

He looked up to where you had grabbed your daughter before she could start crying, soothing her as well. He listened to the soft whispers of your voice, he watched you care for her no differently than you had Nyx, treating them like they were both your own.

It explained the little heir's health, the rolls beginning to form on his little body, the rosy cheeks. You loved him like he was yours, and he loved you.

Rhys looked back down, and as he stared at Nyx, watching each little movement of his chest, feeling his warmth, his happy thoughts and dreams of his and Feyre's voices, of you singing to him and rocking him to sleep. Looking at his son, Rhys realized that maybe, just maybe, there was still some light left in this world. He felt for the first time in a week that maybe, just maybe, there was still something left to live for.

General Taglist:

@hnyclover @glitterypirateduck @slytherinindisguise @mischiefmanager @bloodicka @starsinyourseyes @the-sweet-psycho @mariahoedt @rinalouu @sarawritestories @starryhiraeth @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @loneliestluvr @eternallyelvish @daughterofthemoons-stuff @tayswhp

Rhys taglist:

@tothestarsandwhateverend @cheshire-salvatore-mikaelson @avajustreads

Pieces of You Taglist:

@dr4g0ngirl @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @blueeclipsepaperstudent @thisblogisaboutabook @mybestfriendmademe @novalovi @rachelnicolee @sleepylunarwolf @sidthedollface2 @acourtofbatboydreams @bunnyredgirl @fandomrejects

If your username is in bold, tumblr is not allowing me to tag you. Hopefully it will fix here soon, though!

[mysicklove]

a/n: i was like, “i would give this man the craziest head" and remembered that i am a writer

cw: sub! reo, reo receiving oral, nagi basically hears him, handjobs, throat fucking, reader swallows his cum, just smut, unedited.

sitting behind reo and jerking him off in the locker room, a hand covering his mouth to keep his noises at bay. it’s just you and him in the room, and he is still fully clothed in his soccer uniform.

he’s moaning into your palm, head slightly tilted upward and eyes rolling back. your hand focuses on the tip, drawing circles around the small hole, and he keen, shivering from the strange feeling.

and then the two of you hear a voice. “reo? are you in there?” nagi's voice

immediately reo's eyes widen, and he tries to slip from your hold. you don’t let him, tightening your grip on his mouth, and pinning him to you. he’s eyes flash to you and he tries to talk, a plea, but it comes out muffled.

your movements stop for a moment, and he squeezes his eyes shut, letting out deep breathes from nose. “reo?”

“respond to him,” you say, finally pulling your hand from his mouth and he blinks at you, a small moan slipping past his lips.

it takes him a second to process your words, but when he does, he looks panicked, shaking his head from side to side and trying to catch his breathe. you put a little extra pressure on the base in warning. “go on reo.”

“i-i’m in here!” he finally responds, voice slightly cracking. he hears you giggle into his neck and he whines, low enough for only you to here.

finally you pull your hand away, and his cock slaps back to his stomach. he heaves a sigh in relief when you move yourself away from his body. “why? games been over for thirty minutes now. everyone is looking for you.”

he catches your eye when you walk around to stand in front of him. you grin at him, nodding in encouragement to respond. “I—uh had a stomach ache i’ll be out in a min—agh!”

within the couple seconds of him looking away, you managed to kneel down in front of the bench and slip his cock into your mouth. he shakes his head at you, whispering to you, “s-stop it! he’s right here!”

“are you alright?”

“mhm—fine!” he half yelps, covering his own mouth now when he you swirl your tongue around the head. you open your mouth and hollow your cheeks, trying to take as much in as possible.

he grips onto your hair and throws his head back, biting his fist. you use your other hand to begin pumping the rest of him, blinking up at him.

he moans into his hand, unconsciously grabbing your head to pull you closer. “reo…what’s going on in there? you sound strange.”

reo glances at you, his eyes glassy and half lidded. another high pitched pleaded whine is let out, but you ignore him, focusing at the task at hand.

“nothing. i’m okay—just feeling sick. i’ll be out—fuck!” he curses, hands both burying into your hair when he feels you go deeper then before. you gag at the intrusion, but continue going, wanting nothing more but to tease him.

his legs begin to tremble and his humping into your mouth, eyes screwed shut. “reo what—“

“j-just go! fuck! please leave, nagi!” he begs, his voice shaky, but urgent.

“alright, fuck man. just hurry up,” nagi mumbles, before silence, excluding the sound of his footsteps walking away.

you laugh around him and he moans, shaking his head. “you—why did you—fuck! i’m going to cum!”

tears prick at his eyes in humiliation, but he wipes them away before they could fall. your head keeps bobbing, saliva now coating his entire shaft, but you hum in approval.

“i’m cuming. oh fuck. i’m cuming!” he whimpers, curling up on himself around on top of you, as he grips your hair and pulls you further onto him. you gag around it, but don’t pull away, letting him shoot his load down your throat. his whole body trembles and he lets out an echoing moan, followed by more curses.

you pull away when he finally releases your hair, coughing slightly and wiping your mouth on the back of your hand. he pants down at you, and you grin, finally standing up.

“i can’t believe you did that,” he groans, face flushed in embarrassment.

“i can’t believe you almost came in front of your best friend,” you tease in response and he pinches his brow.

you watch as he finally zips up his pants. “how the fuck am i going to explain myself?”

you laugh, pressing his a kiss to his cheek. “youll figure it out.”

he lets out a loud, dramatic groan, and slumps against the bench.

[skzstannie]

"Do you want to start over?"

SKZ-> Bang Chan x Reader

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, exes to lovers wc: ~4,100 cw: arguments, mentions of alcohol and Chan's drunk, use of Y/N (soz, I tried not to), reader’s a university student

summary: a fun night out leads to a much needed confrontation

A/N: Hiii! Some romantic angst for today with Chan. I'm on break for the holidays, so expect lots of fics during the next few weeks!

Happy Scrolling! | Masterlist

"We have got to get out more! This is so fun!" your friend yells over the loud music playing in the bar.

The time reads 12:30 A.M, and as much fun as this is, you can't deny the fact you're getting tired.

"For real, I could go all night!" another one of your friends says, her arms swinging over her head to the beat of the music.

Your eyes widen at that- all night?

"Come on Y/N, dance! You don't even look like you're having fun." They grab your arms, swaying you back and forth.

You let them have their fun for a few more songs, allowing your whole body to feel the music.

The time slips away from you, the rampant atmosphere providing you a distraction from your drowsiness. Your alcohol intake is definitely a factor, as well.

Your phone rings in your pocket, bringing you back to reality. You unlock it to reveal Changbin's name. You haven't heard from him, or any of your ex's other friends, since the breakup. Not that you were expecting to, but it's definitely strange for him to be calling you now.

Figuring it could be an emergency, you excuse yourself from the dance circle your friends have created and step outside to take the call.

"Hello?" you answer, your voice timid.

"Hello? Y/N?" you hear from the other side. He sounds a little out of breath, a hint of panic coming through.

"Yea, Changbin, is everything alright?" you question, your concern growing.

"Um, kinda? I don't know," he responds, sounding distracted. He sounds distant now, like he's pulled the phone away from his ear.

"Where are you? Do you need help?"

"Well, I'm with Chan. We're in the park, just off your university campus. He's refusing to go home until he sees you. He's pretty wasted right now, but I can't get him to come home, so I figured giving you a call was worth a shot."

Your breath hitches in your throat when you hear Chan's slurred words in the background. "Is-is that Y/N? Let me talk to her."

"No, Chan, just sit back down." You hear some shuffling from the other side before Changbin's voice becomes clearer again. "Hello? Are you still there?"

You debate hanging up. This was not supposed to happen tonight. Your friends brought you out to forget about him, not go and see him all desperate and drunk for you. Somewhere in the back of your tipsy mind, you know you want to see him, to touch him one more time.

Your breakup was sad for both you and Chan. You were the one who ended it. It was nothing Chan did; you were just far too stressed with everything you had going on, and you didn't feel like it was fair to Chan. He was always busy with producing, and if he wasn't producing, he was in meetings or hanging with the boys.

You always had class and work, and you felt like you were starting to neglect your studies. With you nearing the end of your degree, entering your senior year a few months prior, that was the last thing you needed.

So, for the sake of both of your education and futures, you broke it off. It was sudden, and you caught him completely off guard with it.

You remember how absolutely heartbroken he sounded, the sounds of his choked up words forever tattooed on your brain. "What do you mean? Did I do something wrong?" He'd grabbed your hands, pulling them close to his chest. His heartbeat was erratic, similar to his breathing, and the tears welled in his eyes so fast you feared they'd spill over before you could even respond.

"I just think it's for the best," you had replied. You were cold and emotionless with it, trying to protect your own heart in the process of breaking his. You never did tell him why you were ending it. You were scared he'd call you ridiculous, saying that that's no reason to breakup, and that he could fix it.

That's not what you had wanted to hear at the time. You felt you were doing the right thing for both of you.

It had been months since then, and your heart never healed. You still loved him, but you were always too embarrassed to reach out. After all, it was your fault. You were the one who broke up with him, not the other way around.

You never heard from any of the other boys either. You knew they were a tight-knit group, so you assumed they hated you. You hated yourself too, in a way. You broke his heart into a million pieces and never even told him why.

You wanted him. You needed him, so so bad. You've been waiting for this moment for months. Sure, maybe you weren't expecting him to be completely wasted, but you couldn't let this opportunity slip. Your friends would be upset, probably tell you it was a bad idea and drag you home. That's why you weren't going to tell them the details.

"Where are you? I'm coming to get him." You hear Changbin's sigh of relief from the other side of the phone as he tells you exactly where they are.

You hang up and send a quick text to your friends who are no doubt still dancing up a storm inside the bar. You're brief with them, telling them something came up and you have to run home. You don't wait for their reply, hurrying off to hopefully fix the biggest mistake of your life.

~ ~ ~

"Y/N, thank God you came. He's been out of his mind for hours now," Changbin tells you as you walk up to them. You see Chan sitting on the park bench beside him, and his head whips up at the sound of your name.

Chan's eyes widen at the sight of you. He jumps up, stumbling a bit, but he's able to regain his balance. He's surprisingly quick in making his way over to you.

You can smell the alcohol on him from a few feet away, but you don't pay it any mind as he throws himself at you, his arms heavily hanging over your shoulders. "Y/N," he slurs, "You're here."

He sighs into your neck, his head leaning to rest on your shoulder. Your arms come up around his waist, holding him up. He's not putting all his weight on you, but you still struggle to keep him upright, his drunken state making it hard for him to stand straight.

You look to Changbin, your arms straining around Chan's body. "What should we do?" you ask him. You're not sure what the rest of Changbin's plan was. You come here to see him, then what? Take him home? Send them back on their way? You're not entirely sure which you'd prefer, to be honest.

"I wanna go home with you," Chan whines in response before Changbin has a chance.

"I don't know, Chan, I don't think-" Changbin is quick to cut you off.

"I'll help him to your place." He walks over to you guys, practically ripping Chan off you. He drapes one of Chan's arms over his shoulders, holding up most of his weight.

You stop and think for a moment.

What are you doing!? You can't bring your ex back home! Your tipsy, and he's absolutely wasted. Even if you were to ever reconcile, you certainly didn't want it to be under these circumstances.

"Changbin, I-"

"Nope, this is your mess, and you know you need to fix it." He starts to drag Chan in the direction of your apartment, Chan letting out incoherent babbles along the way.

You're still stood in the same spot, but you rush to catch up to them.

"Excuse me?" you let out in disbelief.

"You heard me," he sasses back, leaning forward to make eye contact with you around Chan's hanging head. "You know what you did wasn't right, and I know you regret it."

Your jaw drops. How did he know this?

"You can't just assume I've wanted to run back to him all this time," you rebut, draping Chan's other arm over your own shoulders to help him walk a little steadier.

"I'm not assuming anything. Your roommate told me. We know you've been just as much of a wreck as he has been."

You scoff but leave it at that. How could you argue when he knew? He knew that you've been struggling ever since, crying day and night. Embarrassment washes over your body, already planning out the conversation you'll have with your roommate about sharing your personal problems with your ex's best friends.

It's silent for a few minutes. You're nearing your complex now, the light from the streetlights dimming, transitioning into the light from your neighbors' porchlights.

"How much did she tell you?" You ask as the three of you approach your front door.

"Enough to know you need this just as much as he does."

~ ~ ~

You unlock your front door, Chan breaking free from Changbin's hold and stumbling into your apartment. You watch from the foyer as he trips over his own two feet, falling onto the couch. You allow your gaze to travel over to Changbin, assured that Chan will be staying in one spot for at least a few minutes.

"You ok?" he asks, his concern for you showing for the first time that night.

While your roommate never made it known to you, the boys had texted her just days after the breakup, asking what had happened. She had explained your side of things to them, and she made them promise not to tell Chan. She didn't want to meddle in your love life like that. As stupid as she thought you were being, it wasn't her place, or his friend's place, to tell him anything.

They agreed not to tell Chan anything, if and only if she agreed to keep them updated on you.

"I'm fine. Yea, this is fine," you rub your hands over your face, trying get rid of the tiredness surely covering your features.

"I'll text you guys tomorrow afternoon," he says, turning to head back to the front door. You follow him, seeing him out.

He steps outside, turning back around and catching the door before you can close it. "I know we sprung this on you, but don't stress out about it. Just do what feels right," and with that he turns and walks down the stairs, not waiting for your reply.

You slowly the close the door, allowing your back to slide down it. You sit on the floor, your elbows resting on your knees, palms holding your head up.

Your heart races knowing who waits for you in your living room. What do you say? Do you wait until morning to hash it out? That would probably be best, but what if he wants to talk about it now?

Heavy footsteps bring you out of your thoughts. Your eyes snap up from the ground, seeing Chan making his way towards you.

He clumsily settles himself in front of you, crossing his legs as he leans back on his arms, his palms resting flat on the floor behind him.

His eyes are glossed over from the alcohol, a lazy smile gracing his lips. "I've missed you."

Your heart flutters at that. You feel the familiar feeling of butterflies in your stomach, and you're not entirely sure how to respond. With the exhaustion from your night's activities taking over your body, all you really want to do is go to sleep. Your mind is not in the right space to have a conversation with him right now.

"What do you want me to say, Chan?" you let out a breathy chuckle, your cheeks flushing pink. As tired as you are, his words still have an affect on you.

"Preferably that you've missed me, too."

"This isn't the right time to have this conversation. You're drunk, and I'm tipsy and exhausted. Let's go to bed, and I promise we'll talk about it in the morning," you tell him, rising to your feet. You reach a hand out to him, offering him help to stand.

His face morphs into a pout, and he holds out his pinky towards you from his spot on the floor. "Promise?" his voice wobbles, tears springing into his eyes. He'd always been an emotional drunk, his vulnerable side surfacing at the mere sight of alcohol.

Pinky promises had always been your thing when you were together. Until this day, neither of you had ever broken one. It was honestly a really important part of your relationship. Your plans would fall through sometimes, or somebody would forget to pick up dinner, but if you guys pinky promised, you knew you could fully trust them. Him remembering this in his drunken state does something to your insides, pulling on your heart strings a bit.

You hesitate, taking your lip in between your teeth, but eventually latch your pinky onto his.

"Pinky promise."

~ ~ ~

"Alright, here's a couple blankets and a pillow. The T.V. remote is right there, and I'll get you a glass of water and some ibuprofen for the morning. Anything else?" You set the bedding onto the couch, smoothing out the sheet you had laid there beforehand.

"Hmmm," he hums, bringing his finger up to his lips, portraying a very exaggerated thinking face. "Will you stay with me?" He tilts his head at you, patting the spot beside him.

"I will not. I will be sleeping in my own bed."

He pouts at that, and you quickly turn away, fearing you won't be able to hold strong if you look at him much longer.

You get ready for bed, making your way around your apartment turning all the lights off. You flip the lights out in the living room, the television providing a soft glow to it's surroundings.

"Goodnight Chan, sleep well." You wait a few seconds for a reply, but all you hear in return is his heavy breathing, small snores escaping his lips every now and again.

~ ~ ~

You're awakened from your slumber at the sound of your door creaking open. Your head jumps off your pillow, abruptly sitting up in bed.

You let your defenses down upon seeing Chan's face, slightly puffy with sleep.

"Do you need something?" you ask softly. You glance beside you at your alarm clock.

4:43 A.M. Way too early to get up.

He doesn't respond, the only noise in the room coming from the sounds of his socks shuffling against your soft carpet. He makes his way to the side of your bed, looking down at you sleepily.

"Chan, go back to bed. It's too early." You roll back over, too tired to play any games so early in the morning.

It's silent for a moment, and you almost allow yourself to fall back to sleep, but you jolt at the feeling of your bedding dipping behind you. Chan pushes up against your back, moving you further away from the edge of the bed.

He slides underneath the covers behind you, his strong arm coming up to wrap around your middle, pulling you closer to him.

He's incredibly warm, and you can't help but cuddle into him further, feeding off the heat his body is providing you.

He lets out a long sigh, his breath blowing up against the back of your head.

You lay there, stiff as a board. Your mind wanders to all the nights spent like this when you were together. How nice it always felt to lay in his arms, comforted and safe. You breathe deeply, inhaling his woodsy scent you've missed all those months.

His breathing has slowed and evened by this point, and you're sure he's fallen back asleep. You do the same just minutes later, unable to resist the invisible pull of your eyelids, shutting them and allowing you to fall asleep once again.

~ ~ ~

You're eyes open and you're met with the bright sunrays coming through your window, making you squint. You feel around behind, the warm body next to you nowhere to be seen, leaving nothing but the cold sheets in his place.

You jump out of bed, scared he may have run off early in the morning. Scrambling, you throw on a hoodie from your floor and hurry out your bedroom door, rushing towards the living room.

You stop in your tracks when you get there, seeing him sitting on your couch, legs crossed over each other on your coffee table.

You stand there another few moments, waiting for him to see you. He turns his body, "Are you just gonna stand there?" he asks, the teasing evident in his voice.

You don't know what to make of all this. He should hate you. He should've left as soon as he felt well enough this morning. You broke his heart for God's sake. You broke his heart into a million pieces, and never even tried to put them back together.

You slowly make your way over to him, sitting beside him on your couch, making sure to leave a safe amount of distance between the two of you.

"Sooo..." you start as he clears his throat. You both laugh, the awkward tension slowly melting.

"You go first," you tell him. You weren't really sure what you were going to say anyway.

"I apologize for last night. From making Changbin call you, to making you take me home, to getting in your bed in the middle of the night. I'm sorry if I crossed boundaries, I mean, I'm sure I did," he looks to you for assurance that it's ok if he keeps going.

You give him a small shoulder shrug. You don't know if he really did cross any boundaries. He obviously didn't make you take him home. If you really didn't want him here, you would've told Changbin yesterday. As persistent as he seemed last night, you know he wouldn't have pushed that hard if you were truly uncomfortable.

"It's ok. I answered the phone call, I brought you here, and I let you in my bed. This goes both ways, and if I wasn't comfortable with it, I wouldn't have let it happen."

His eyes soften at this, his shoulders releasing the visible tension he's been holding there all morning. "Ok, good." He hesitates for a moment, wringing his hands in his lap. "I guess, I just wanna know why, ya know? Why did you end things the way you did?" His eyes meet yours, and it's hard for you to decipher the emotion behind them. Anger, sadness, regret- you're not sure. You're pretty sure they're all present to some degree.

You pretend to think, although you know in your heart you don't have to. You know exactly why you ended; if only you'd let him in on it a little sooner, it probably would've saved him a lot of heartache.

"I was overwhelmed," you pause for a moment, and he nods his head, encouraging you to keep going. "I had so much going on, school was hectic, my job had my head all over the place, and I felt like what I had left to give you just wasn't enough."

He doesn't say anything for a few moments, his eyes glued to his hands. "You could've just talked to me about it. I would've understood, and we could've figured it out." His voice comes out weak, like I've struck a nerve that was never meant to be touched, let alone toyed with and tore.

"That was exactly what I was scared of. I really thought that what I was doing was what was best for both of us."

"You don't get to make that call, Y/N," his words come out strong, his eyes finally meeting yours. "I loved you, and I still love you," he scoffs, "Can you believe that? After all the hell you put me through, I still love you." He gets up from the couch and begins to lightly pace in front of the T.V.

He runs hands through his hair, brushing it back from his eyes. Tears well up in yours, and you quickly wipe them before they even get the chance to fall. You don't deserve to cry. You did this to him.

"I'm so sorry," you choke out. "I regret it. I regret it all. I can't imagine how much I hurt you, but I know I did, deeply. I want to make sure you know that it wasn't easy for me, either. I haven't been myself all these months. I stopped going to my classes, and last night was the first night I'd gone out in months."

He stops his pacing, standing right in front of you. He just stares, and your emotions run wild when you can't decipher how he's feeling.

"I'm so sorry," the tears you tried to keep at bay flow freely down your face now, "If I'd have known what it would do to both of us, I would never have done it. It was a stupid, spur of the moment decision, and I felt like I had control. If I had the control, everything would be ok," your words break through your sobs, "but it wasn't ok, and I'm so, so sorry!" Your hands cover your eyes, your head bowing to your knees to hide your grief-stricken face.

He still stands there, in the same spot, just staring. You're too overwhelmed by your own guilt to notice him moving closer to you at a feverish pace.

He rips your hands from your face, pulling your wrist until you're standing in front of him. He forcefully grabs your jaw, bringing his lips to yours. The kiss is short, but you've never known such passion could be passed on through a kiss.

All the pent up anxiety and guilt melts between the two of you, your emotions mixing together like sugar and water, dissolving between the two of you until they're one.

He pulls back, his breathing quick. "I've been wanting to do that for so long."

You look at him, shock prominent on your face. "How can you do this?"

His eyes widen, scared he's crossed the line yet again. "What?" he stutters.

"Why don't you hate me? I expected you to yell at me, maybe even call me a few names. Why are you standing in my living room kissing me like all this never happened?"

"I could never hate you," his fingers run along your jaw before settling softly on your cheek. "As much as I’ve wanted to these last few months, just to help myself get over you, I could never. I've been going crazy without you."

"How could you forgive me, just like that?" You're confusion seeps through your tone.

"Because you're perfect. We all make mistakes, and I've had months to deal with this one. Now, knowing why you did it makes it all the easier."

You still just stare at him, almost expecting him to say "Just kidding", laugh in your face, and run out the door.

But he doesn't. He's still standing in front of you, holding your face so gently that you can barely feel his calloused hand, his fingers gently caressing your cheek.

"I know this is a lot, and maybe I'm crazy, but do you want to start over?"

Your confusion becomes more evident, your brows furrowing lightly.

"Let's redo all our firsts. Our first date, our first kiss, our first 'I love you'. I'm willing to move past this if you are."

His eyes are filled with hope, sparkling in the light coming in from the window.

"I don't know Chan..." you trail off, "I'm not sure I can ever forgive myself. I hate what I did to you, and I've hated myself ever since because of it. I don't know how to come to terms with your forgiveness when I don't deserve it."

"We can work through it together. I will be there with you every step of the way. I promise, pinky promise," he's persistent, his pinky reaching out towards yours.

You stare at his hand, remembering how nicely your hands fit together. That's how everything feels with Chan. Your body has always fit perfectly with his, your personalities meshing like nothing you've ever experienced before.

"So what do you say?" your gaze raises until it meets his, and you realize you'll never be able to say no to those eyes. "Will you go on a date with me?" His smile widens, his pearly teeth on full display.

"I think- I think I'd like that a lot."

[consistencynevermether]

Ice cold: Astarion x reader

content: ascended Astarion x gn tav, angst, tav is goin through it in this one yall, i give karlach a more hopeful ending in the background bc i just want her to be happy, karlach and tav besties agenda, sfw, cannon typical violence

summary: after breaking it off with ascended Astarion, you meet again at a winter ball

word count: 6k (apparently i cant shut up about this man)

a/n: man i gotta write more happy Astarion content fr i keep putting this man in situations.

How many years had it been since you’d seen Astarion? 3? 5? Maybe more? You try to remember what your last moments with him were like before you decided to break things off. It was definitely after he ascended, but was it before you had gotten rid of the tadpole, or after? Honestly, after a while things had started to blur together really. After so many years, only the painful parts remained clear in your memory. How you, with tears in your eyes, had told him you couldn’t do this anymore. And the look of condescending and uncaring as he stared back. It had shattered you into a million pieces to end things with Astarion, but it would have hurt even more if you had stayed. Whoever he had become after he ascended, it wasn’t your astarion, not really.

Why were you reminiscing about your lost love? Well because after all these years apart, he was now standing about 5 feet away from you. Gods above how did you get yourself in this situation?

Let’s start a few years back after Astarion had left to be the new lord of Baldur’s Gate and you had stayed, shattered. Having to pick up the broken pieces of what you once were, having to figure out who you would be without him. You probably should have taken some time alone, now that you think about it. Processed your emotions, talked to a professional, properly mourned what you had lost before continuing on.

Of course, you had done the opposite and instead had decided to travel with Karlach and Wyll to Avernus. Going to hell is probably not the best way to cope with a breakup, but that was the only option anyone could think of to try and save Karlach from the fate of the engine in her chest. And after what had happened to Astarion you just-

You just couldn’t 

You couldn’t lose someone else, if you did, you felt like you would have been shattered past the point of repair. You couldn’t take losing one of your only friends right after losing your love. So you gathered up the broken pieces of yourself and headed straight into the hells. 

You were down there for a few years probably. 

Maybe? 

Honestly, you didn’t remember. Time became sluggish and foggy after Astarion had left because it kept marching forward, away from your time together with him.

Yet in the end, Karlach had gotten her engine fixed and all 3 of you had climbed out of hell. A few more burn marks and scars, but nothing more than that had changed. Physically at least.

You had somehow managed to put your broken pieces back together, but you weren’t the same as before. You didn’t feel complete, more like a jumble of razor-sharp shards being forcefully welded together trying to imitate what you once were. But now you were jagged, and cracked, and tired

Gods, you were tired. The dark circles under your eyes never left, no matter how much you slept. Or tried to sleep that is.

Sometimes in the dead of night, you would replay Astarion's ascendance in your mind over and over again, wondering what you could have done differently then. Or even before. Where had you gone wrong? Was there another outcome that you failed to make happen? Was there another reality where the two of you were happy together? Gods how that thought hurt. 

 Sometimes, you thought about the what-ifs. You imagined what would have happened if he hadn’t chosen to ascend. What both of you could have been. What you so desperately wanted but could never reach. Eventually, you stopped that line of thought at night. It was too crushing to imagine how things could have been different. What you could have done differently. 

After emerging from hell, you had on and off traveled with some of your previous party. 

You and Wyll had headed to Waterdeep once to help Gale with a sea monster problem 

In an amusing team-up, you had helped Halsin and Lazel find an enchanted bracelet they were both searching for, though they both argued on how to act upon most things during that entire adventure, so you had felt almost like it was a babysitting gig the entire trip. 

There was also that time you helped Minsc dispose of some bandits robbing people near Baldur's gate, but you had dealt with that sorry lot fairly quickly and got far away from Baldur's Gate even quicker. You didn’t want to accidentally run into a certain lord. 

And now you had an entirely new quest, in the bitter cold land of Sossal. A few weeks ago, you met back up with Karlach who apparently had been looking for you.

It’s not that you disliked seeing Karlach at all, in fact, you were both very close, which was part of the problem really. Part of why it stung a little to see her. 

She saw you. She saw how much you hurt even after all this time. Your other friends seemed to have assumed that you had gotten better. That over time you had healed and it had gotten easier for you to come to terms with leaving Astarion. But Karlach knew the truth, She saw right through you, and it was mortifying. That every day the hole inside your heart had just got wider. She feared it would swallow you up one day, and you didn’t blame her. It didn’t help that being around her just made you feel so

Pathetic. 

She had been to literal Hell and back and could still smile and laugh, while you had only lost one person and had cracked and splintered like glass. It hurt to see the light that shined off her while you could only fall deeper into darkness. 

Of course, you knew none of that was her fault, you only had yourself to blame for who you were, so when she came asking for help, you didn’t hesitate to say yes. 

She was having engine troubles again. It wasn’t as bad as before, thank the gods, but it did have a tendency to overheat ever so slightly whenever she felt a strong emotion, and if you didn’t do something one wrong spook could set her ablaze. Luckily she had gone to Gale first and discovered a gem Called the frostbite tear. He could attune the gem to Karlach and make it so that every time her engine began to overheat, the jewel would immediately cool it down, negating the problem before it became a real issue like when you had first met her. Last anyone had heard of the gem it was with some noble in Sossal. 

So here you were. You, Karlach, Shadowheart, and Gale all together at the midwinters ball held here in the capital. Gale had procured the invites for you all, and every noble in Sossal, plus some from other territories, would be here for this celebration. Gale had even been nice enough to give you a beautiful outfit for the ball, made of silvery-white sparking silk. It reminded you of fresh snowfall on a winter's night. Admittedly it wasn’t very practical, and Gale did make you shower before putting it on. (Rude. You didn’t think you smelled t h a t bad.)

You were so focused on helping find this noble (and robbing him of the frostbite tear) that you hadn’t even considered Astarion might be here. 

Not up until the moment that his vibrant red eyes locked onto yours across the room. 

You couldn’t move. Everything was moving too fast and also in slow motion. Your legs felt like lead and your mouth was bone dry. The numbness that had settled in your chest for years now cracked open with new pain, and you weren’t sure which of the sensations you hated more. 

All all this panic and emotions, and yet in your mind all you could think of was how he looked just the same as the day you left. He hadn’t changed. And that made it all the harder. Because now it was easier to forget all the years between you two. He still looked the same as what you saw when you closed your eyes each night. It was Astarion. But on closer examination, not your Astarion. 

There was a coldness to him now. A certain reservation in his smile that made you feel like you would be a mere annoyance to him if you dared to approach. He seemed sharper somehow as well, like a finely honed blade. And his attire was extravagantly beautiful, the white fur-lined cloak he was wearing was probably more expensive than anything you had ever owned, including your current attire. 

You were so busy taking this all in mentally that when you went to glance at him again he was gone. For a split second, you genuinely wondered if you had finally snapped and just hallucinated all of that when an all too familiar hand took yours. 

You hadn't looked away for more than a second and astarion was right there in front of you, kissing your knuckles. The brush of his lips on your skin was nearly enough to bring you to your knees. All these years, and he still had so much power over you with one little motion.

To any outsider, this looked like quite the cute interaction really. The handsome new lord of Baldur's gate spots an incomparable beauty from across the room and is instantly smitten, so he effortlessly woes them the second he steps into the ballroom. But life is no romantic play. 

“Hello darling, it certainly has been a while. We simply must catch up” 

Before you could even attempt to respond, his hands were around your waist, guiding you to the dancefloor as the orchestra began to play, and other couples began to join the dancefloor as well. 

You’d hoped maybe the dance would save you from the conversation, but it seemed the opposite was what occurred, as Astarion leaned closer to your ear to whisper, “So, 7 years without a trace, and suddenly you show up looking positively exquisite. Do tell me what you’ve been up to.” 

Your mouth opens to respond, but you realize you have no idea what to say. What could you possibly say to him, and why would you even say it? 

Luckily you were spared any more torture when you noticed Astarion staring intently at your neck. The sight reminded you of that night you found out he was a vampire spawn, and you had let him drink from you for the first time. But instead of hunger Astarions brown was furrowed with another emotion. Annoyance? Concern? Worry? You couldn’t tell anymore. It had been years since you could tell what Astarion was thinking

His voice broke the silence once again. 

“Is this new?” His long pale fingers brushed across the burn scar near your collarbone.

Ah. So that’s what he was staring at. 

“Well it’s been there a few years, so I wouldn’t really consider it new but-“ you shrug at the end of your sentence, and you both know what you meant. It was only new to him. He may have stayed unchanged all these years, but you certainly hadn’t. And it seemed Astarion was beginning to notice. 

His eyes raked over you, taking in the changes. You were a bit more muscular now, all that constant fighting no doubt. Your new(er) scars were more visible in this outfit, which admittedly was a little revealing and definitely not meant to withstand the harsh outside winter. And the years now showed in the tired look in your eyes. You imagine that your eyes aged you quite a bit honestly, maybe you should be shocked he even recognized you now. 

“So”, he started, decidedly keeping his hand firmly around your waist so you couldn’t run from the conversation, “when you made my undead heart beat again only to toss it on the ground at my feet again like it was nothing all those years ago, I always imagined how nice it would feel to see you struggle while I thrived as lord of Baldur's Gate.” 

Wow. Impressively bad flirting. Had he gotten worse at this over the years? Or maybe he just detested you so much he didn’t even think there was a point in even pretending to like you anymore. 

“But now that I’m actually here and you look-“

He gestured at you vaguely 

“Well a bit like you’d been the one who got dumped, it doesn’t feel very satisfying.” 

“Mhm,” you responded, in a stroke of pure poetry. 

“Darling, you have to give me more than that. The silent treatment after all this time is just petty, even for me.”

He had a point. And part of you did want to know-

“How have you been, Astarion?” 

His steps faltered a little when you said his name, but he quickly recovered, smoothly continuing the dance 

He smirked, his fangs visible on one side “Well certainly better than you if I had to wager, the stuff under my eyes is eyeliner, not sleep deprivation side effects.”

You close the distance between you two involuntarily to get a closer look at his face. He was wearing some sort of golden liquid as eyeliner on his bottom lids. It was subtle but beautiful, and it shined when the light hit his face just right. On instinct, you began to reach towards his face, but you quickly stopped yourself. You needed to stay focused, damnit. You were here to help Karlach.

Astarion's smooth voice cut in once again. “Still making me do all the talking? Honestly, I don’t ever remember you being this quiet before.” 

You startled and realized you had been staring at his face for a while, and then trying to snap yourself out of it, all while not making a sound

Gods you don’t remember it being this hard to talk to him. But then again, you found it harder to talk to anyone these days. you just-

You just didn’t expect that to also apply to Astarion. Further proof that despite him looking the same, there was distance now. A silent gaping chasm that you had no way to cross. But that is what you wanted, wasn't it? To get away from this Astarion. The one who considered you a pet, or an object to be displayed. Treasured, and loved, but never his equal. Never fully having free will, everything you would have done would have had to be something he approved of. 

You loved him, more than anything. You still did. Deep down you knew you would die for this twisted version of your love, and if he asked you to rip out your own heart and serve it to him, you would. But you couldn’t be with him. Everything else you would do for him, but that was where you drew the line. It hurt too much, to be reminded every day of what you had lost. Of what you have failed to protect. That sweet high elf with a silver tongue and a heart of gold he let so few see. The one who wished for freedom more than anything, but still stuck by your side. Because at some point, he wanted to be free with you. And that was not this Astarion. 

Despite all that, just for this moment, you wanted to forget it all. To be held in his arms once again. Maybe, if the gods blessed you, see a real smile of his. You just wanted this one moment. Then your greedy heart would be satisfied. You could burn this image of the two of you dancing forever in your mind and have it sustain you. You’d gladly take another trip to the hells if it meant just a moment where you could pretend you were with your astarion. The one that lived on in your memories. Though you didn’t dare hope that he was still in there somewhere, you don’t think your heart could take it. 

You inhale deeply and begin to talk. You tell him about the quests you’ve been on, the adventures you’ve had, what you’ve been up to these past years. Including why you were here, and your quest to help Karlach and find the frostbite tear.

Eventually, you get to the point where you tell him why you're here, and what you're looking for. But as you do you see a scowl twist on his face. 

“Astarion?” You question, “What’s bothering you?”

He huffs in reply, and you can’t help but smirk. 

“I’m sorry but I do remember someone just talking about how petty the silent treatment is.” You prod, and lock eyes, a sign for him to tell you what’s on his mind

He rolls his eyes at your persistence, but nonetheless, he begins to speak. 

“Hm. Just seems like you and Karlach are so very happy together. A bit of a downgrade if you ask me, but that’s certainly no fault of hers. I mean, once you’ve had me, all you can do is go down from there.” 

“Karlach and I aren’t dating.” You deadpan. 

She was more like a sister to you than anything, and besides you’re pretty sure she already has eyes for someone. 

“Oh?” Astarions eyebrow raises. “So who have you been shagging all these years then? Wyll? Shadowheart? Surely not Gale. Oh please tell me it’s not Gale, I think that might actually hurt my feelings a little if we both shared being to your tastes.” 

“Be nice. Gales is a good friend. FRIEND. They all are. And to answer your prying question, I’m not with anyone. Not since you.” 

It was true. You hadn’t loved anyone since astarion. It just didn’t feel right. Even the idea of a casual fling didn’t feel at all satisfying. And there was no way you would actually consider dating someone again. Not when Astarion still held your heart. 

You could see a few emotions go across Astarion’s face, but you couldn’t recognize them. You remember when you used to be able to know what he was thinking, when he was lying or not. But not anymore. Maybe it was because he was always putting on some act now. 

As you stared, his hand wrapped around your waist and for a breathless moment, he effortlessly lifted you up into the air, gently twirling you around him. then he put you down and smoothly continued the dance as if that was always part of the steps. 

Your face flushed at the amount of contact, and the smirk once again graced Astarion’s lips.

“So, nobody since me? Seems like someone’s not quite over the Lord of Baldur’s Gate.” He singsonged, taking great pleasure in how momentarily flustered you were. “It's ok if you're not over me darling, I can’t blame you.” 

Clearly, he meant this as a joke, one you were supposed to roll your eyes at and ignore. But there was no point in lying, so you just nodded and continued the steps of the dance. 

Astarion stopped dead in his tracks. 

“I-

Wait what? You're still-

Ah- 

You're not over me?” 

“Astarion, the song isn’t over.” You tried to nudge him back into the dance, but his feet were planted firmly, and he wasn’t going to budge. 

“Answer me.” 

You sigh. He wasn’t going to move. So now you were just standing here. In the middle of a ballroom. With everyone else dancing around you. Great. This was super inconspicuous and undercover. 

“I will only continue to talk if you move your damn feet Astarion. Hells I’m supposed to be blending in not standing out.” You hiss and kick at the side of his shoes to indicate for him to get moving.

He recognizes the determination in your eyes and you can see him deciding mentally that he’ll probably get his answer sooner if he does as you ask, so he picks up the dance once again. His grip on your waist is now like iron though, not painful in any way, but there’s absolutely no way you could get out of his grasp now. Not even if you put all your efforts into trying. 

His eyes never left yours, his intense stare practically commanding you to talk.

Which you did say you would do. 

“I still love you.” You shrug. “Never stopped loving you.”

“Then why did you leave?” The hurt in his voice is evident, and you immediately feel like someone hurled a spear of ice directly into your chest. 

You can barely raise your voice above a whisper without it cracking. “You know why. I already told you when I left.” 

“Bullshit. Because you loved the person that I was? He was pathetic. Only a fool would want the lesser version.” His voice was like ice, you could feel the hatred he held for himself.

And you instantly felt your anger flare up at his words.

“Don’t you ever talk about-

About him like that”

It felt weird referring to past Astarion as someone else. But it was true. They were two completely different people now. And honestly, you didn’t care about the semantics, your blood was practically boiling. 

“He was the love of my life. He was everything to me. So don’t you dare insult him.” You spat, practically seeing red

Astarion's face twisted in rage. 

“Maybe you liked me pathetic, hm? Maybe the only way you could possibly love me was if I was beneath you. A precious pet spawn, entirely dependent on you, living in your shadow to protect me from the sun that I now bask in.” He sneered, meeting your rage with his own.

And just like that, you had shattered all over again. 

It was your turn to stop dancing now, unmoving in the sea of swaying nobles. 

Astarion's rage seemed to have flickered out seeing the look on your face.

What did your face look like? Were you shocked? Were you crying? Somewhere in the back of your mind, you could register the feeling of hot tears down your cheeks, but you paid it no heed. 

Instead, you wrapped your arms around Astarion, putting your face in the crook of his neck. 

Astarion completely froze at the sudden contact, not even taking a breath. Although he probably didn’t need to actually breathe anyways so maybe that was normal.

“I’m sorry. If-

-If you truly believe that I ever thought that way about you, then I messed up beyond repair. I'm so sorry.” 

You tried to continue, to apologize for all the times you had failed him. For making him feel like that. But you realized you couldn’t speak. Your body was silently heaving with sobs, tears flowing down your face and ruining Astarion's nice clothing.

Great. You couldn’t even cry without screwing him over. And this was definitely not inconspicuous. 

You lifted your head, making a move to step away, but as you did you saw a blue glint on one of the lapels of some well-dressed lord.

Holy shit.

The frostbite tear. You had found it. And all it took was sobbing on your ex to spot the damn thing. That didn’t make you feel pathetic at all. Though admittedly this was the perfect distraction from this soul-crushing conversation. Maybe with any luck you wouldn’t even have to address that embarrassing display that no doubt disgusted astarion, he was probably hoping you’d get the hell off him already.

So you did just that, jerking back from the hug and keeping your eyes glued on the gem. 

“Astarion look. It’s the frostbite tear. On that lord.”

But you could tell Astarion’s eyes were firmly glued to your face. 

You tried to slip away, to follow the frostbite tears owner and relieve him from its ownership, whether that be by swiping it, lying, or just straight up threatening the guy. But Astarion held you firmly in place. 

“What are you doing?” You whispered, to not startle your target. “He’s right there. Let go.”

“You can’t just drop that on me and leave” he whisper-yelled back 

“I’m not leaving, I’m just grabbing something real quick. Now let go, it’ll take 5 minutes tops.”

“What if you decide you don’t wanna talk again and run off?” He countered 

“Then you can corner me because you're the vampire ascendant.” 

“What if he catches you and you get arrested?”

“Then you can visit me in jail because you're the vampire ascendant.” 

“What if-“

Oh for fucks sake. 

“Whatever happens, I assure you, you will be able to say whatever you want to me after because you are the vampire ascendant. You made that fact very clear to me when we were together. Now let go.” You cut him off, and then try once again to move towards the target. But his grip remained firm 

You look up at him, now filled with annoyance and desperation. The noble could escape if you didn’t do something now, and yet Astarion seemed insistent on trapping you. 

“Just one more dance, alright?” He bargained.

Unbelievable. That was his priority? You knew it had been a while but you never expected him to disregard a former ally so blatantly. Karlach needed this. 

But upon closer inspection, he almost looked… a little guilty? Worried maybe? That didn’t seem right. What on earth?

Just then, Astarion pushed your face into his chest, wrapping his arms around you, almost protective. Protective but restrictive. You couldn’t move away no matter how much you pushed on his chest or tried to slip out of his hold. 

“Astarion. Let. Go.” You hissed.

But your attempts at breaking free immediately stopped when you heard an ear-piercing screech and the sound of heavy footsteps. 

On instinct, you reached for where your weapon would normally be, but you had nothing on you. Shadowheart had a few small weapons concealed on her in case things got messy, considering her attire was a bit more conservative than yours, but she wasn’t anywhere near you now. 

Damnit. On instinct, you tried to twist around in Astarion's grasp to a more protective stance. Of course, you knew he didn’t need your protection at all, it was just a base instinct kicking in. Unfortunately, he didn’t allow you to move out of his grasp, so all you could do was squirm. 

“What is wrong with you??” You practically shouted. If there was danger, then just standing here like this would leave you both wide open. Had he lost all common sense? 

Unless- 

At that exact point, a guard of the lord of Sossal burst through the doors, covered in blood. 

“Vampire spawn are attacking the gates!” She exclaimed, cradling her arm, which was profusely bleeding. 

“I didn’t know you would be here.” He murmurs, almost as if he’s telling this to himself more than you. 

He wasn’t trying to keep you here, you realize. He was protecting you. None of the spawn would dare come near you if they saw Astarion holding you like this. 

But at this moment you didn’t care. For years you had mourned over the loss of your Astarion. You had tried so hard, attempting to separate him from this ascended Astarion. But you had never been truly able to get over him, to accept he was gone. Because deep, deep down, no matter what you told yourself, you still believed he was in there somewhere. Behind all the silks and sharp gazes.

And you felt that hope die as you heard the hissing of the dozens of spawn outside, mingled with the screams and cries of the guards. He was gone. And your heart was shattered all over again. 

But it was different this time. Before, you had pulled yourself together again, deformed and jagged, but still together. You couldn’t do that this time. There was no coming back from this. You could feel it. This pain wouldn’t fade. But there was something else there that wasn’t there before. Anger.

Astarion was protecting you, yes, but Gale, Shadowheart, and Karlach were here too. If the spawn got into the ballroom, they would be in danger. Not to mention this made procuring the frostbite tear infinitely more difficult. 

Rage burned in your eyes, and for the first time, you saw the great vampire ascendant stumble over his words a little, as he tried to explain something about how the lord of Sossal had insulted him, but you weren’t listening. 

While Astarion was struggling to explain himself, you realized he wasn’t paying as much attention to you. Good.

In one swift movement, you slipped out of his grasp and frantically looked around, searching for your friends. It was nearly impossible to hear anything over the screaming and panic of the nobles. It also wasn’t helping that Astarion was probably going to be right on your heels the second he recovered. Or maybe he’d just leave you to be eaten by his spawn. You didn’t really care. 

After continuing to weave your way past frantic nobles and shouting their names, you were able to see a red hand waving you down from the far left balcony. It was Karlach, and she was with Gale and Shadowheart. Good. With all 3 of them together any spawn that came after them would be screwed. But you still had a mission to complete.

You looked up at Shadowheart and held your hand out for a weapon. You were going to track down that damn gem if it killed you. That noble was about to have a very bad day. Well. A worse day. 

You were focusing all your hurt onto this, all your rage. But you needed to. You needed it because you had no idea what else you could do now. You needed something to focus on. Something to distract you from your shattered heart. 

Shadowheart saw your determination and tossed a short sword down to you. Not your preferred weapon of choice, but it would do.

You whipped around, hand around the short sword at the ready, but also because it felt grounding, to be fighting once again. Now it was time to hunt down your prey.

You quickly ran in the direction you’d last seen, glancing over every lapel for that glowing blue light. It was hard, many of the nobles were dressed in a winter theme, so shades of white, silver, and blue were all too common in the sea of panic. 

You continued to push past nobles, searching for that faint blue glow. You refused to let this go, you would not let Karlach down. You fought for too many years in hell getting the engine in her repaired to go all the way back to square one again. 

You feel yourself tunnel vision on finding a blue light, your head whipping back and forth on the hunt, it felt good to let everything else fade away into numbness as your only thought is tracking down this gem.

A glimmer out of the corner of your eye. A flash of blue. The shine of fine silk. There he was. In a crowd of panicked nobles trying to run into other parts of the castle and hide from Astarion's horde gathering outside. Honestly, it was a pretty understandable reaction, you didn't blame him for running at all, but you needed that gem. You hope he survived honestly.

Survived.

Because Astarion planned to turn this place into a bloodbath. Your Astarion. The one who you had sat under the stars with, and he would teach you all the constellations whose names you didn't know, his silky voice lulling you to sleep when insomnia or worry had hit you. 

You'd rather still be in the hells honestly. 

You took a deep breath, centering yourself back to the present. Get the gem. 

You dashed after the noble, drawing your shortsword and charging at the man. If possible, you'd do this quickly.

Ducking under the other guests, you grab this unfortunate noble by the collar, the moment you do he screeches, clearly fearing the worst. Luckily for him, you were only after his gem, not his blood. With one slice you cut the gem off the cloak, shredding the beautiful white fabric. 

Not even bothering to explain yourself to him, you pocket your prize and turn on your heel, heading back in your friend's direction, when all of a sudden you hear the noble you had just stolen from scream again. But this time it was followed by the screams of a few others 

You look back and that’s when you see her. A vampire spawn. Clearly on her way to the ballroom, but judging by her smile, it was clear she had just found some horderves. 

You could have run. You were the only person with a weapon and the farthest away from her. She definitely wouldn’t pick you as her first target, she’d go for one of the defenseless nobles right next to her. You should have met up with the others and gotten the hells out of this place.

But the noble whose lapel you had just torn apart was so young. They were people. Scared people who got unlucky and were about to die because someone had offended the great vampire ascendant. Maybe you wanted to save them. But more likely, you just wanted something to take your anger out on. Or maybe you were just dumb as a rock.

But regardless you turned around and began to sprint towards the spawn instead of away, angling your weapon so that you would have the perfect angle to go for her collarbone. 

Yet as soon as you locked her on as a target, her eyes went wide with..fear? She was a vampire spawn, surely she’d had a few of her victims fight back yes? Was this her first hunt? 

Soon you realized that wasn’t the case at all as you felt a chill run down your spine. Even now with all his power, it wasn’t hard for you to identify the presence now standing menacingly right behind you. The familiar smell of bergamot filled your senses with the closeness. You could feel his chest pressed against your back. You didn’t know what kind of face Astarion was making right now, but whatever it was, it terrified the vampire spawn, her form now shaking and cowering before her master. 

Funny. Even now after everything, you couldn’t find astarion scary. You probably should, considering how he just appeared behind you. But after everything you still couldn’t. 

There was no point in delaying this any further. You turn around, and as you do his eyes immediately move from the spawn back to you. And his gaze softened. Before this whole ordeal that single action probably would have caused you to melt. But now it was different. You had already resigned yourself to being without him. You couldn’t turn back time. You couldn’t save him. All you could do now was try and find a way forward. And you certainly wouldn’t find that staring into his crimson eyes. 

This felt awful. You felt awful. Walking away from him now didn’t feel like closure, it felt like someone had just stopped writing on the page mid-sentence. But you had to stop. Just stop. You couldn’t spend the rest of your life like this, mourning what you lost. Astarion would have an eternity to forget about you, but you only had this one life. And for the first time in a long time, you finally felt like you wanted to move forward with your life. To start living again. You were still mad. And upset. And it still hurt. But you wanted to get better. 

So you turned around, not looking at Astarion, and left. Walked right past him without saying a word. You didn’t know what he would do. Let you leave and forget you ever existed? Grab your arm and try to talk again? Decide he had had enough and just drain you dry? You honestly had no idea anymore. But you knew one thing.

You wouldn’t be the one to look back.

[artists-ally]

Can you please write some more Azriel smut with his mate thank you !!!

{Bow} Reader x Azriel

Oh babes, you ask and you shall receive. Y'all went fucking BANANAS with my last Az smut, so here ya go you filthy sluts (i'm the filthiest slut there is i write this shit) Also you cannot convince me that Az isn't a dom. Enjoy!! Title from this song

Word Count: 2,869

Warnings: smut, spanking, spitting, choking, praise kink, breeding kink, possessive behavior, bondage, dom/sub vibes

Tagging: @librafairy @needylilgal022

Summary: Azriel goes a little feral after the mating bond snaps into place.

~~~~~

I knew it was going to happen. I could feel it coming. Just one of those once-in-a-lifetime feelings when you just know something is going to happen. There wasn’t anything I could do to warn Az since he was on the other end of the continent in Illyria. 

But my bones buzzed when he told me he was coming home. It was just a caress down the bond, a flicker of his shadow around my hand to let me know, but it was intense. I didn’t know if he knew or not, but I certainly did. 

“Okay, why are you pacing around?” Mor snapped me out of my thoughts. 

“I think it’s going to happen. Like today,” I said through a hurried breath. Mor squealed and I flinched, the sound doing nothing to help the vein pulsing in my head. 

“Oh my gods oh my gods I cannot believe it!” She jumped up and down. “Finally.”

“Hey,” I frowned slightly. “It’s not our fault. And we both agreed we’d wait until it felt right to pursue it. Who knew it would take two and a half years.”

“Can I say how proud of you I am for waiting? I could never be that patient,” Mor grabbed me by my shoulders. “I am so happy for you, Yn. No one in Prythian deserves this more than you two.” “Thanks,” I smiled sweetly, taking her hands in mine. I inhaled sharply and let it out. “What do I do?”

“You need to make him something to eat,” Mor hurried out, dragging me out of the living room of the Townhouse and into the kitchen. “What’s his favorite thing to eat?”

I thought for a moment, stuffing down the urge to say me and trying to think of a legit response. “He has always loved those pork dumplings I made for Solstice one year.”

“Perfect,” Mor ran around and grabbed the ingredients I listed off. “Let's make this the most memorable meal of his life!”

For about an hour I kneaded and folded the little dumplings into half circles, filling them with pork and vegetables before sealing them and dropping them in a pan. I was filled with so much excitement that the normally terrifying process of splattering oil didn't faze me. It was so hard to think about anything other than Azriel and what we’d do later tonight. Hopefully, anyway. 

I remember what Feyre told me about her and Rhys. What Cassian said about him and Nesta. That it had been a fury of teeth and tongues and touches. That there wasn’t any time to be wasted. The want. The primal need for each other and how brutal it was. But how satisfying and soul-bonding it was. 

Quite literally.

I finished the last of them up, plating the others for when he got home. He was getting closer; the shadow he always left me with was writhing between my fingers, circling around my wrist. 

“Okay, I will make sure everything is tidy and then I’m gone. And I will make sure no one comes within a three mile radius of this place for the next week. Or until you send word Azriel isn’t going to rip someone's head off.”

I rolled my eyes, “We’ll be fine. He’s almost here so get out.” “Good luck,” she winked, disappearing behind the corner. The front door opened and closed and I watched her winnow away. 

Why am I so nervous? It isn’t like it’s our first date all over again. He has seen the most intimate parts of my body, the most intricate parts of my mind and yet I was shivering with anticipation. Not nerves– excitement. 

I can hear the mighty beat of his wings as he approaches, and I see him land in the back garden, pushing his wind-blown hair off his forehead. My heart is at a furious pace. Gods he looks… it’s like I’m seeing him all over again. For the first time. All those thoughts and feelings rushing into me. 

There isn’t a fucking doubt in my mind that this is going to happen. 

Azriel draws open the back door and turns his head to the left, then to the right to find me motionless in the kitchen. “Yn…”

He says my name in the same breathless way he has since he learned what it was years ago. Our eyes lock and he shuts the door behind him. Azriel doesn’t waste a single second, scooping me up and drawing me in tight against his chest. He smells of the slight salt and lemon of the Sidra, but deep down his natural, rugged scent washes over me. 

“I have to stop taking such long trips to the Camp,” Azriel grumbles a laugh, pressing his lips to the top of my head. He takes a deep breath, then releases it. When I don’t respond– or chuckle alongside him– he draws back. “Yn?”

All I can do is look at him. His eyes are impossibly green at this moment. All the flecks of gold and amber igniting them. My chest is tight and the edges of my control are slipping. 

He furrows his brows, “Is everything…” And the words die on his tongue. 

It’s like Prythian tilts and slides into the sea. Down down down we go with it. I might’ve actually gasped with the crack that formed in my chest, breath still in my throat. 

It’s not the shimmering gold or tether of silver Feyre and Nesta had described. It is an inky black tendril of shadow that I can see, that I can feel, as clear as day. And right there, tied to the other end, is Azriel. Mate mate mate is the only hum I feel besides the roar of hope. Of promise. Of forever. 

Azriel shudders a breath, staggering a step back, eyes blinking as rapidly as his chest moves. His hands are digging into the sides of my arms. “Y-Yn-”

“I feel it,” I finished his unasked question. I nod again, forcing myself to believe that this is actually happening. He nods back, eyes never leaving mine. “I thought that I could feel it coming. Like- like this huge build up in my chest and… almost like a doorway? Like I could see the door but didn’t quite know how to unlock it.”

Azriel doesn’t say anything for a long few beats. “Mates…”

I nod. “Mates.”

It’s like saying it outloud solidified it because only after that did the burn for him become unbearable. It was untamed and wild and feral, just like Feyre had said it would be. Before we wrecked everything in the kitchen, I dropped his hands from my body and walked to the counter. 

I held out the plate of homemade dumplings and presented them to Azriel. His eyes looked from the plate and back up to me. 

He looked hungry. Not for the dumplings�� most definitely not for the dumplings. I wonder what it feels like for him. If he’s as desperate as I am. As eager and impatient. If he can barely stand the two feet between us like I do. 

Azriel’s fingers are trembling as he plucks one of the dumplings off the plate and brings it to his mouth. In any other scenario I’d find it weird as he doesn’t look away while he chews… but his scent is driving me in-fucking-sane and I can't look away. 

I think it’s safe to say that he doesn’t taste it, practically swallowing it whole. The plate of dumplings are on the floor the next second and a gasp leaves my mouth. His hand is fisted in my hair, mouth covering mine. 

Fuck me. Feyre wasn’t joking about everything feeling different. About feeling better. 

I pressed onto my toes and looped my arm around the back of his neck. He grabbed the backs of both my thighs and hauled me onto his hips. 

“Mate,” Azriel growled out. “My mate, my mate.”

My ass hit the counter and the canister of spoons and utensils crashed to the floor. I went to look, but Az gripped my throat and forced me to look back at him. He looked wild. Like pure instinct had taken over. 

“Az-”

“You’re fucking mine,” he spoke through clenched teeth. “All fucking mine.”

“All yours, Az,” I breathed out, his thumb pulling down my bottom lip. I sucked on it, tears springing into my eyes when he shoved it further down my throat. I watched the grin spread across his face. “All mine,” I said with equal possession. 

“Only you have that power now, Yn. The power to bring me to my knees. I do not bend to anyone except you. Always you. Forever you.”

My heart swelled before his lips were back on mine, tongue curling with mine in haste. His hands worked their way down my thighs, spreading them apart. I shuddered at the feeling of him against my core, cock already hard and pulsing against me. 

His scent– lightning hot with a touch of cinnamon– cascaded around me, blooming into the air and making my body react in a way I didn’t know it could. I scratched at the edges of his fighting leathers, desperate for his body against mine. Azriel reached for the straps, sliding them through the buckles with five centuries of experience and effortless precision. 

The material gave away and fell to the floor and there was nothing but his tattooed skin in my hands. Nails clawing up his back and shoulders, I couldn’t get closer if I tried. I needed closer. I Needed him inside me like I needed water or the sun. 

My body was thinking for me, hands fumbling with my bottoms as he ripped off his. Even as much as I didn’t want to draw away from his mouth, I couldn’t help the curiosity to look at him. 

I dipped my eyes down, seeing a few beads of slick slip from his body, coating the tip of him. I reached down, even more desperate for a taste than I had been for the feeling of his lips on mine. 

Az watched with a predatory look etched in his eyes. I gathered it and brought my finger to my mouth, the taste of him settling in my bones. He tasted how he always did, but there was just something more satisfying about it now. The confirmation that for the rest of our lives I would be able to have every part of him. Whenever I wanted. 

He couldn’t wait. And I didn’t blame him. In another heartbeat I was flipped over and on my stomach, knees knocking into the cabinet below. His hands tore the rest of the material from my body and the scraps gave away. 

He was panting. I’ve never heard him be this vocal. Or this destructive. “Hold still.” He commanded, pressing on the middle of my back to get me to stop squirming.

I obeyed. 

His hands spread my ass apart and I heard his tongue working in his mouth. I gasp when he spits onto my already soaked cunt, spreading it around with his fingers. He lands a crack to my ass with his palm next and I grit my teeth together, whining when he does it again. 

“Fucking mine,” He snarls, and I feel the tip of his chock slide over my clit. There is the familiar sting that comes with his size as he presses all the way in, not giving me the time to adjust like he normally would. 

But Cauldron damn me if I actually cared. I need him inside me. Need to feel every inch of his length until I couldn’t feel him at all. 

My body was vibrating, as was his. He pulled out and rocked back in, nails dragging down my spine. He let out a dark laugh, void of any real tenderness. “Gods I am going to fucking ruin you, Yn. Yeah you like that don’t you? Fuck.”

I cried out. My body was on fire. Every single hair on my skin stood up on end as he claimed me. Every part of my mind and body and soul melded together with Azriels with each snap of his hips. 

It was not soft. Or sweet. Or comfortable. We were both satisfying an ancient need for each other in every way possible. That door with his shadow leading me was wide open, and it was like I could see into his mind. Through his eyes, I looked at my marked body.

The noises tore through me as did my release. I convulsed around him, arching up and into the momentum as he rocked into me. In seconds I was lifted off the counter, still shuddering around his cock when we landed on the floor. 

Azriel hauled my ass into the hollow of his hips and hit places so deep inside me I didn’t know how to breathe. 

He was a panting, shaking mess behind me. 

“Mine,” he murmured against my neck, teeth grazing the skin. “You’re doing such a good job, taking my cock like that.”

I whimpered as he forced my hips to meet his. He leaned over my body and I felt a few drops of sweat trickle onto my skin. He pushed my chest flat against the floor and I wasn’t entirely sure that my spine wasn’t going to break with the force. With one hand pinning my shoulder, the other ripped my hair back, creating the most painful yet pleasurable angle. 

Shadows whirled around my body, ghosting every inch to stimulate me beyond anything I thought possible. All reason left my mind. I was his, and he was mine. His body, his soul… it was all mine. He was giving himself to me, just like I was giving myself to him. 

Every push of his body into mine drew sounds I didn’t know we could make. At this angle I could feel how much bigger he was than me. Knowing that if he wanted to he could easily over power my body without lifting a finger. 

For a second time my body overtook my mind, leaving me no choice to follow its lead. I shook and cried out, chanting his name over and over again as I came a second time in only a few minutes. 

“Fucking look at you,” Azriel said, easing up on his lod of my hair. “Taking my cock like it’s nothing. You are doing such a good job, Yn. Gonna fucking breed you. Aww, you’d like that, hmm? I can feel you clenching, feel how much you want it.”

I nodded, not able to form any words. 

Azriel turned me over on my back and pinned my knees to the floor with his shadows. That same darkness curled around my wrists and sealed them above my head while his hands worked my nipples, my clit. 

I couldn’t thrash even if I wanted to. His teeth left marks along my chest, the muscles in his shoulders rippling as he forced his cock into me at a brutal pace. 

“Oh fuck,” he whimpered. “F-fuck yes, Gods you feel so fucking hot.”

I did my best to tighten around him, and judging by the way his hips stuttered, I did a good job. The muscles around his ribs and abdomen flared, the veins in his arms pushing to the surface. 

“I can’t-” he heaved for a breath, mumbling curses and pleas. “Can’t hold on anymore.”

“Let go,” I beg, new tears spilling down my cheeks. “Fill me up.”

Azriel was a mess of gasping breaths and praise as he focused all his motion. Every hard ridge of his body was constricted and convulsing with power as he cursed again, head dipped low, breath fanning over my chest and neck. 

My mind melted as I felt the bond snap into place even deeper. There had been a mental connection earlier, but this was the physical side. Azriel’s front draped over mine as he came deep inside me, his thighs shaking as he fucking into me over and over and over, cum trickling out with each new push of his cock into my aching cunt. 

“That’s a good girl… there you go,” he slurred his words, drunk off the feeling of his release. I could feel it as if it was my own. Feel his claim on my body as if it was my own. “Take it all. All fucking mine. Such a good mate. Taking all my cum so fucking good.”

I moaned, fingers and toes tingling as he took his weight off my chest and sat up. Sweat gleamed his body. My eyes were blurry, but I could still see the need in his eyes. 

I swallowed, the high of it all settling in. His hands roamed over my body, up around the creases of my still bound thighs, and up my sides. 

After a few more short gasps, his hand was gripping my chin. “I am not letting you out of the fucking bed until no one is able to tell our scents apart again. Everyone is gonna know that you’re mine. My mate, and everyone will know I am yours.”

[waywardxwords]

I've Got You

Summary: After a year of being in Purgatory, Dean has returned and is trying to make sense of what happened while he was away.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female Reader (more of a friendship; they deeply care about each other but nothing wildly romantic happens in this story)

Word Count: ~1.6k

Warnings: Light cursing, angst, Dean/Sam contention (this takes place after Dean gets back from Purgatory and Sam is on/off with Amelia), light fluff, light blood/silver testing (non-descriptive)

A/N: Happy October, friends! This is my first entry for the #flufftober2023 @flufftober prompt challenge. The prompt is: "I've got you." I hope you enjoy!

“Dean,” you breathed as you walked through the door of the cabin. Even after you heard his voice on the phone, you couldn’t be sure it was really him–not until you saw him. 

“Test me,” his words were firm and clear–much firmer than you remembered. You processed that the man had been in Purgatory for the last year, and his experience had most likely hardened his already tough demeanor. 

“Dean, I–” you tried to stop him.

“Test me, dammit,” he grumbled as he grabbed what looked like a jug of holy water and took a swig of it. Next was the silver; he didn’t hesitate to run it along his forearm before he wrapped the cut it left behind with a bandana. He wiped the blade on his denim jeans. 

“Dean,” you said, for the third time now. Your eyes burned with tears. You knew it was him from the get go, but now it was confirmed. He handed you the holy water and the blade. You moved slower than he did, but you took a sip of the water and winced at the bitterness; it was laced with salt. Then, you took the blade and matched his movements with a small slice on the underside of your forearm. 

Without allowing another moment to pass, he pulled you in tightly to his chest for a hug–so tight, you thought you might not be able to breathe as your body was crushed against his. 

“God, it’s good to see you,” he breathed in your hair before he finally released you. “Where’s Sammy?” His eyes moved over your face inquisitively.

“I, uh, I don’t know, Dean,” you were careful with your words. You were a little bit angry with Sam, but you didn’t want to have to explain why to Dean.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” The sharpness made you blink, but you knew he wasn’t trying to hurt you with his tone. The man had been in Purgatory for a year, for Christ’s sake. 

There was no way around it, though. You were going to have to try to explain and hope he could understand.

“I’ve gotta get out of here,” Sam mumbled. It had been three days since you all had killed the Leviathans, but somehow Dean and Castiel had been killed in the process. You had spent three days researching and looking for how to find them, but you had come up empty. Sam had tossed around the idea of Purgatory , for Cas, at least, because he was an angel; but neither of you knew how that worked–the death of an angel? Where would they go? Could an angel go to Hell? 

“Sam, we’re going to find them,” your eyes were heavy, you hadn’t slept. The pain of running in circles reading and re-reading and searching was making you feel crazy.

“Are we? Even if we do find them, how are we going to get them out?” Sam was angry, and you understood that. But anger wasn’t helping the situation, and you wished he could realize that.

“I don’t know yet,” you sighed as you placed your elbows on the wooden table in front of you and dropped your head into your hands. “We will find a way. We always do.”

“I have no one now. My family is dead, I just…I gotta get out of here,” he repeated. His words stung, but you knew you weren’t family. You weren’t even a hunter, initially. You had stumbled into this world when the Winchesters had saved you on a hunt a while back. Now that you knew what went bump in the night, there was no turning back. “I’m sorry, but I have to go…” Sam seemed reckless, but you also knew that you couldn’t stop him. Not really, anyway.

You stayed silent, but as the door closed behind him, tears pooled in your tired eyes.

After you had explained carefully what had transpired, you tried to ease the blow. “You always wanted Sam to get out of the hunting life, Dean.” Your words were soft.

Dean sat on the sofa leaned forward, his elbows on his thighs as he stared at the wall opposite him. His jaw tightened, but he didn’t say a word.

“I gotta get some air,” he cleared his throat and stood quickly. He reached for his jacket. “I’ll be back later.” Before you could say a word, he was already out the door and pulling it behind him with a slam. You couldn’t help but feel defeated, yet again.

This was the third dive bar you had checked in an hour. You had lost hope and wondered if you really knew the oldest Winchester at all as you looked for him. But there he sat on a barstool at the end of the dimly lit bar. 

You heaved a sigh before you walked towards him. “I’m gettin’ real tired of looking for your ass,” you grumbled playfully as you carefully moved onto the stool next to him. 

His eyes didn’t move from the back of the bar as he took a pull from his beer. 

“Yeah, well, at least somebody’s lookin’,” he muttered just loud enough for you to hear.

You weren’t sure what to say to that immediately, so instead you leaned against the bar and flagged down the bartender. “Could I get a Stella, please?” The bartender nodded and went to retrieve your bottled beer.

A few moments of silence passed. “I just thought he’d look for me,” Dean's voice cut through the quiet noise in the bar as he stared at the label on his bottle. His fingernails picked at the edges in a way to distract himself. 

“I know,” you tried to form the words in your head before they tumbled out of your mouth incorrectly. “Sam loves you, Dean. He’s just…he’s tired. Does that make it right? Not necessarily. You’re his brother, but this life…it’s not the life he wanted.”

“And you think I wanted it?!” His voice raised as he looked at you incredulously. 

“I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that you and Sam are different people,” you tried to explain carefully, reminding yourself again that it’s not you, it’s Purgatory. 

He seemed to relax as he remembered this was you that he was talking to. “I’m sorry,” he groaned inwardly as he turned back in his stool to face the bar. “I would do absolutely anything for Sammy. I was lost when he was gone. I just thought he might do the same.” After a quick pull from his beer, he changed the subject. “So, what’d you do this past year?” Dean asked acrimoniously, as he glanced at you briefly and toyed with the paper label on his beer bottle.

You waited for a moment, just as the bartender placed your own beer in front of you. You moved it around in your hands for a few seconds. Like Dean, your fingers found the sticker on the bottle and began to pick at it so you wouldn’t have to look at him. “I looked for you,” you answered slowly before you pulled the beer to your mouth and took a sip. You felt his gaze now, his head turned to watch you as if he was surprised to hear what you said. “I hunted a little, here and there. Mostly just when I stumbled upon a job, though.”

“...you looked for me?”

You were surprised that he was surprised. It was your turn to turn your head back to him to meet his gaze. “Of course I did,” you said hesitantly. “I tried everything, Dean. I interrogated demons, I tried to make a deal, I tried to summon Crowley–”

He cut you off very quickly. “Woah, woah, woah,” his eyes were narrowed in on you now and you watched his entire body tense. “You tried to make a deal? And summoning Crowley?” He was pissed. You didn’t care.

“None of it worked, Dean. The crossroad demons said they didn’t know where you were, but I didn’t believe them…though I’m wondering if they really didn’t, since you were in Purgatory,” you were mostly just reading your own internal dialogue at this point. “I’m not sure how that works, exactly.” You nibbled gently on your bottom lip as you processed your thoughts.

“Are you insane?” He was still pissed. His voice rose a bit in volume and you glanced around to see the handful of other bar patrons glance in your direction. 

“Oh, calm down,” you said in a hushed tone while you rolled your eyes. “Like you wouldn’t do the same thing.” Dean knew it was true, but he still wasn’t happy. “Again, none of it worked anyway.”

“You know better than that,” he shook his head, the disappointment bled through his words. But somewhere mixed in with the frustration, you heard gratitude.

“And you know better, too. I wasn’t just going to sit on my ass or ride off into the sunset like everything was fine,” you still couldn’t find his gaze. It was easier to stare at the glass bottle between your hands.

He didn’t respond right away. The sound of Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar On Me” was playing on the jukebox now, and it was the only noise you could hear just over the chatter of the other people in the bar. “Thanks,” you weren’t sure you heard him right away, but you felt his fingers graze the top of one of your hands that was clasped around the bottle. “I’m really glad I’ve got you. So if some shit ever goes down again, no goin' off and making deals to save me. If I came back and somethin' had happened to you..." his voice trailed off. You would spend a lot of time wondering what he had wanted to say, but chose not to. Instead, you moved your head to look straight into those green eyes, and that’s when you noticed it. A smirk tugged at the corners of his lips, and while his eyes were still sad, you saw a glimmer of hope.

A/N: Thank you for reading! As always, I am always open to any feedback you may have :)

Tag List: @jackles010378 @ladysparkles78 @hallecarey1 @zepskies @lyarr24

[five-rivers]

Cracked Clay Cup Chapter 15

@greatbigolhampuckjustforme

.

“Only one left,” said Danny, uneasily.  Working by the process of elimination…  If any of the people on this list were his actual, biological parents, as Frostbite had feared, then it was these two.  

Jazz, obviously, wasn’t his mother.  He’d known that from basically the moment they’d met.  Vlad, Frostbite, and Pandora had confirmed that fact, and their stories had matched too well with each other for them to be lying.  Unless, of course, the whole trial was a lie and they were all working together, and Danny was hesitant to go down that path.  

The Observants, too, could be crossed off with ease.  The Observants were public and impersonal enough that Danny had remembered them despite his amnesia.  He’d never heard of them having children.  And their behavior during his trial… well.  Maybe they’d behave that way around their actual children, but Danny doubted it.  

Vlad hadn’t even claimed to be his father.  Of course, he’d also heavily implied that Danny’s biological parents were dead.  So there was that.  He was also a liar.  So there was that.  But, again, Danny didn’t think Vlad was his actual parent.  The Dairy King would have told him if he was.  

Frostbite and Pandora had also denied any blood relationship with him, although they still both wanted him to pick them.  Pandora did, at least.  Frostbite had seemed more lukewarm about it.  Maybe even cool, to use a pun.  Not that Frostbite disliked Danny.  He was participating in this to help Danny.  Just… Yeah.  

Then there was the trio, which, um.  Yeah.  Definitely not.  

So.  If his parents were actually involved, and not dead, then they had to be these two.  Unless Pandora or Frostbite or Vlad was lying about not being his parent, which he didn’t think any of them would do, because that would be counterproductive.  Wouldn’t it?

Double-think made his head hurt.  

“Yes,” said Clockwork.  “Only Jack and Maddie Fenton are left.  Then, when you have seen them, you must make your decision.”

“And I can choose anyone?”

“Yes.  You may choose anyone you wish to choose.”

“Hm,” said Danny.  He spread himself out over the couch and dropped the file folder on the coffee table.  “Anyone, anyone?”

“That is the policy, to ensure that children are placed appropriately.”

“So, like, if I decided I wanted to go with the Dairy King but not Vlad…?”

“That is a possibility,” said Clockwork.  “As in, you could choose for Dairy King alone to have custody of you, with the understanding that Vlad would likely still be a significant part of his social circle and afterlife.”

“Huh,” said Danny.  “What if I picked, like, Ember?”

“You could do that.”

“But you wouldn’t recommend it, huh?”

“My recommendation is immaterial,” said Clockwork.  “I am a neutral party.”

“Yeah, but I can still ask you questions.  What if I want your opinion?”

“I am not allowed to give it.”

“Right,” said Danny.  He looked over the file.  “You know, they have, like, the least stuff on their little cheat sheet out of anyone.  Except the Observants.  Theirs was really… lackluster.”

“Indeed?” said Clockwork, with just the faintest inflection at the end to turn it into a question instead of an agreement.

“Mhm.”  Jack and Maddie, no listed last name, didn’t have much written on their page of the file.  Apparently they liked making cookies, stargazing, needlepoint, sewing, and… that was it.  Nothing about jobs, titles, other interests, other things they enjoyed.  Nothing.

The stargazing was a good point, though.  Danny was pretty sure he liked stargazing.  If only he’d had a chance to do it…  Ugh.  Being stuck inside was getting more and more annoying.  

Distressing.  

Almost as distressing as Frostbite thinking that Danny’s biological parents were abusive.  

“You said before, everyone is, like, vetted?  So they won’t be… dangerous?”

“That is correct.”

“But the Observants still were allowed to do whatever it was they were trying to do.”

“Unfortunately, persons who possess authority will on occasion use that authority to put themselves in even more positions of authority.”

“Except you can’t tell me any of your opinions.”

“Correct,” said Clockwork.  

“You’re funny.”

“Not many would say that.”

“That’s because you’re really– really oblique about it.”

“Perhaps.”

Danny sighed.  “I should just go right away, shouldn’t I?  I should stop agonizing about this.”

“It is up to you, Daniel.”

“It is, isn’t it?”

Danny made no move to get off the couch.  “What are you doing over there, anyway?”

Clockwork twisted his hands around to show Danny a net of white string.  “I’ve taken up lacemaking.”

“Ugh, see, I’ve been wasting so much of your time that you’ve picked up a new hobby.  That’s crazy.”

“I wouldn’t say that it’s new,” said Clockwork.  “Lace has been around for a long time.”

“New to you, then.  Like, your original hobby is making clocks, right?”

“I also enjoy candlemaking and gardening.  But this,” Clockwork held up the lace, “was always within my plans.”

“Uh huh,” said Danny.  

“It is almost time for lunch.  You could stay until then.”

“See?  I’ve wasted the whole morning.  I came back last night.  And that was a day trip.”  He sighed.  “What would lunch be?”

“I was planning on fried rice, using the remaining rice from last night.”

“I thought you’d made a lot of rice that time,” said Danny.  “Yeah, let’s do that.”

.

Jack and Maddie’s house was… Well, it looked like it had been a normal house.  The entryway was done up with plain tile, and opened up into a high-ceilinged living room.  Danny could see a set of stairs leading up one side of the living room to the second floor, where there were a number of doors.  On the ground floor, there was an open doorway leading into a kitchen.  

That was all fine.  However, the walls, ceiling, and floors all looked like they’d been torn apart and put together again.  Sometimes with proper tools like plaster and drywall, and sometimes with cardboard and duct tape.  There were dark squares and ovals where picture frames may have hung.  He could see an electrical outlet that had been pulled out of the wall and hastily put back in, without all the wires fitting.  Near his elbow were the remains of what looked like a doorbell.  Bits of insulation hung out of gaps between the original walls and the repairs.  

It wasn’t quite as strange or as messy overall as Ember, Skulker, and Technus’s place, but the contrast was… weird.  Everyone else was obviously trying to put their best foot forward and had cleaned up or acquired a whole new house.  This… this was not that.  

At least, he hoped it wasn’t.  Because if this was their best, then what was their usual?

He turned his attention to the two humans who had been waiting for him to arrive.  They were human.  The man was tall and broad, with dark hair.  He was wearing overalls over an orange button up.  His sleeves were rolled up, and he was scratching at a rash on his arm.  The woman was slim and much shorter, her auburn hair cut in a chin-length bob.  She had a pale blue blouse on, and dark jeans.  

He caught their eyes, one after another.  

“Hi,” said the woman, in a wavering voice.  “Welcome home, Danny.”

“Um,” said Danny, “hi.  Are you Maddie?  The file didn’t really say which one of you was which… or really anything about yourselves…?”

“Yes,” said Maddie, with a painful smile.  She looked like she was about to cry.  “I’m Maddie, this is Jack.  We’re so happy to have you here.  So happy.”  She took his hands in hers and squeezed them.  

“Okay?”  He looked around.  “So…  You’re remodeling?”

“Yes,” said Maddie.  “We’re sorry about that, but all of this came as such a surprise.”

“A big surprise, son,” said Jack.  His voice sounded rough, like he’d been crying.  “All of the important things are done, though!  Everything’s safe!  Just not very pretty, that’s all.  Just looks different.”

“Like you,” said Maddie, quickly.  “Not that that’s a bad thing, is it?  We’re very–  The ears and the tail– Those are new but not bad.  This is just like that.”

Danny nodded, hesitantly.  “Right.  That’s cool.  So, um.”  He looked around the entryway again.  “Show me around?”

“Right, right,” said Maddie.  “Of course.”

“Sorry about that!” said Jack.  “It’s just that you grew up here and all.  You don’t remember that, but it’s hard for us to remember it.  To remember that you, er, don’t remember.”  Jack patted Danny’s shoulder gingerly.

“Yes,” said Maddie.  “We’ll– We’ll do the main floor first, then the bedrooms upstairs.”

The tour of the ground floor went much as expected.  He saw the living room, a number of closets (which looked like they’d been ransacked), the garage (suspiciously empty), a bathroom (strangely untouched), a dining room (dusty), and the kitchen.  

His initial impression of the kitchen matched his impression of the house in general.  Normal, but hastily altered.  There was a long strip of torn-up wall near the refrigerator.  The microwave was brand new to the point that the box it came in was still sitting next to it.  There was a door-sized patch of new wall that matched up with scratches on the floor that strongly suggested the patch had been a door up until fairly recently.  

This… this was suspicious.  Should he ask about it?  Play dumb?

“Now, up to the rooms!” said Jack, sweeping Danny out of the kitchen.  

“Usually,” said Maddie, “your sister Jazz would be here, but right now she’s away, so it’s just the three of us.”

“Why?”

“Why what, Danno?” asked Jack.  

“Why is she away?”

“College,” said Maddie, quickly.  “She’s a couple years older than you are, so she’s away at college.  The two of you were very close, though.”

“Best friends!” shouted Jack from his position at the top of the stairs.

Well, there was that confirmation.  Jazz was definitely his sister.  

… Jazz actually looked a lot like Maddie, so that was also a point in favor of Maddie and Jack being his actual parents.  Which, uh.  Did being shady run in the family?  Did he come off like this to other people?  He hoped not.  

“Which one was her room?” asked Danny.  

“This one,” said Jack.  Then he pointed towards a room two doors down.  “And this is yours!  You two shared the bathroom, but she’s not here, so it’s all yours, too!”

“Cool,” said Danny.  He slipped past Jack to the door and opened it.  

The walls and ceiling of the room were a pale blue gray, glow in the dark stars just barely visible in contrast.  Posters for bands and spaceships were taped to the wall, some of them in better repair than others.  There was a dresser with a drawer sticking part way out, the sleeve of a shirt stopping it from fully closing.  Model rockets, most of them clumsily made, sat on shelves beside other knick-knacks.  A corkboard on the wall had schoolwork, ribbons, and a few crumpled tickets to movies and concerts pinned on it.  A scooter and telescope were propped up in one corner.  

“They had us take down your photographs,” said Maddie.  “But we left everything else the way it was.  Except for cleaning.”

“Something about being biased!  As if knowing things is going to make you biased!  Maybe if we’d known–”

“Jack, honey,” said Maddie.  “Not the time.”

“Oh, right, sorry, son.”

Danny nodded, then stepped in to walk a circuit of the room.  This room, more than any of the others he had stayed in, felt lived in.  Like it was a home.  

But he couldn’t forget Frostbite’s warning.  Or the chaos downstairs.  

“So, um,” said Danny, before he could wimp out.  He held the pocketwatch in one hand.  Just in case.  “In the kitchen, you have a door covered up.  What’s with that?”

“Uh, nothing,” said Jack.  

“Just an unfinished basement,” said Maddie, her smile going brittle and fake.  “That’s all.  It wasn’t– It wasn’t safe down there.  For children.  It wasn’t built right.  So we decided to just cover it up.  To show that we’re prepared to keep you safe.”

There was a mad science lab down there, wasn’t there?  

What if that was where he had died?

Danny swallowed and pasted on a smile.  “Cool.  So… what do we do together?”

They stared blankly at him.  

“You know, for fun?  Or hanging out?”

“We used to stargaze together a lot,” said Maddie.  

“And we’d go fishing!” boomed Jack.  

“Yeah, but we can’t really do either of those, right?  We’re stuck inside.”

“That’s true…  But we do have our movies, don’t we?  And some games.”

“Righto!” said Jack.  “I’ll go get the stuff!”

.

The movie they had finally settled on was a space documentary.  Watching it was nice, even if the popcorn was a little burnt.  

Watching Jack and Maddie try to cook dinner afterward, though…  They seemed to keep reaching for things that weren’t there, or bumping into each other, like they expected there to be more room, or, well.  The food looked presentable enough, but there was a mess.  A big one.  

Still, the macaroni and cheese looked and smelled fine.  

“One of your favorites!” said Jack, proudly.  “After this, we’ll have some fudge!”  He served Danny a scoop bigger than his head, then took a big ceramic mug from the cabinet and filled it with soda.

Danny mentally shrugged and picked up his fork.  If he couldn’t eat it, he couldn’t eat it.  

“So,” he said, after eating a few bites, “how did the whole ghost thing happen?”

“Pardon?” asked Maddie, looking a little pale.  

“Well, my situation is a bit weird, isn’t it?  I was just wondering if you knew how it happened.”

“No,” said Maddie.  “I’m afraid not.  It’s a mystery to us, too.  Like we said, we were surprised by all of… this.”

That was weird.  If Jazz knew, shouldn’t they know, too?

Or maybe they just didn’t want to tell him.  

He fiddled idly with the mug.  There were clumsy, childish stars and moons painted on its side.  

“Do you like it?” asked Maddie.  “You painted that.  We went to one of those pottery places for Jazz’s seventh birthday.  You were both so young back then…”

“I did?” asked Danny. 

“You did,” said Maddie.  “If you look at the bottom, you’ll see your initials.”

Danny held the cup up over his head and looked at the bottom.  The letters DJF were painted on the bottom.  

“What do the J and F stand for?”

“James Fenton,” said Maddie.  “James was Jack’s father’s name.”

“And Fenton?”

“Our name.  Our family name.”

“Huh,” said Danny.  He set the mug back down, but kept his fingers looped around the handle of the mug.  It was… grounding, somehow, to touch something from his childhood, from his past.  “Do you know why this, um, trial was started?”  He took another bite of the macaroni and cheese so he had something to do with his other hand.  

“No,” said Maddie, quickly.  

“Maddie…”

“We don’t.”

Alright, then.

It was suddenly very hard to swallow.  

“We don’t know.  We don’t know why any of this happened.  But we’re so glad you’re with us again.  We’re so glad this is almost over.”

“I know!” shouted Jack, suddenly, making Danny, already tense, jerk sideways in alarm.  “When this is over, we can go back to that place and make another–”

Danny had still been holding the mug, and when he flinched, he took the mug with him.  He fumbled it briefly before it hit the ground, interrupting whatever Jack was saying and plashing soda everywhere.  

“Oops,” said Danny, stricken.  “Sorry.  I’m really sorry, um.”  He had telekinesis.  Why couldn’t he just–  

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” said Jack, kneeling and picking up the pieces.  

“I can do that,” said Danny.  “You don’t have to–”

“No, no, I’ve got it,” said Jack.  “We’ll just put it right back together!  A little superglue and it’ll be as right as rain.”

“I’ve got the mop.  You just stay there and eat, okay, Danny?”

That was, like, the exact opposite of what he wanted to do.  He wanted to do something to help, but something about the situation held him paralyzed.

“Yeah!” said Jack, rinsing the shards in the kitchen sink.  “We just need some glue, then we’ll put it right!”

“Make sure it dries first,” said Maddie, maneuvering a large mop.  

“Oh, right!”

He put the pieces on a dishtowel and began to pat them off.  Danny, slowly, reluctantly, began to eat again.  

“What were you saying before, Jack?”

“Oh, I was thinking that we could go back to that pottery place after all this.  Make a few new pieces.  It looks like we’ll need it, huh?  What do you think, Danny?”

“Um, it sound like it could be fun?”

“Then it’s a plan!  We’ll have to rope Jazz in, too, when she’s back in town!”

Speaking of Jazz…  Danny had to wonder why she was competing separately from these two.  She definitely wasn’t at college, after all.  Was it because of what Frostbite had said?  Or some other rule of the trial that Clockwork hadn’t mentioned?  Or just a strategy to give the family two chances?

He had no idea how to ask those questions.  

But then… maybe there was something in Jazz’s room?  Or even in his room.

“Want to help me put this back together?” asked Jack.  “I’ve got to go find my tools, so if you could just arrange them…”

“You both need to eat first,” said Maddie, “before our food gets cold.”

“Right you are, Maddie!”

Danny had, somehow, lost most of his appetite, but he ate anyway, knowing that if he didn’t he’d be hungry later.  When he estimated he’d eaten enough, he pushed aside his plate and went over to the shards of the mug.

It had broken unevenly, which meant that it would be easier to figure out what went where.  He started sorting the pieces, and as he did so, he felt himself start to calm down again.  

Jack ruffled his hair when he was about halfway through, making Danny freeze, his ears canting backwards.  

“I’ve got the super glue!” he said before sitting back down at the table.  

They worked together to put the mug back together after that, stars reemerging from scattered shards.  It was… peaceful.  Sort of like watching Clockwork work in his workroom.  Eventually, the mug was, more or less, together, although the cracks were still very visible.

“There we go!  Just like a puzzle, huh?  How’d you like working with your old man again?”

“It was good,” said Danny.  

“Yeah, it was good,” said Jack, beaming.  “Maybe I’ll show you how to h–  Ahem.  I’ll show you how to knit next!  I do love knitting.  And needlepoint.  Fiber art is great, Danny.  Never let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“That sounds nice,” said Danny, smiling.  Then he yawned.  

“Oh, wow, you’ve got some fangs in there!  That’s new.”  He cleared his throat.  “It’s getting pretty late, though, isn’t it?  You should get into bed.  You’ve had a long day!”

Danny wasn’t sure how long the day had been, but he was tired.  “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“We have your toothbrush and everything up in your bathroom,” said Maddie.

“Thanks,” said Danny.  “I’ll go up, then?”

“Wait!” shouted Jack, making Danny jump again.  “The fudge!  Can’t go to bed without fudge!”

“I’m actually pretty full…”

“Nonsense!  There’s always room for fudge.”

So, they ate fudge, and then Danny went upstairs to the bathroom.  

As promised, there was a toothbrush, floss, and a hairbrush already set out.  There was a cabinet set into the mirror, and another under the sink.  

He hesitated for a moment before opening the one over the sink.  There was a bottle of aspirin and a few boxes of bandaids, but it was otherwise empty. Next, he looked under the sink.  Mostly, there were cleaning supplies.  But there was also a large first aid box.  It had a bright green stain on one corner.  

Danny sucked in his lips, then pulled it out and started to look through it as he sat on the closed lid of the toilet.  It looked like it had been used frequently.  Most of the refillables were mostly empty.  

What had happened that he’d used so much of this?  Because it had to be him.  No one else living here would have left an ectoplasm stain on the lid.  

Frostbite’s claim was looking more and more plausible the more he learned.  

He closed the lid and put the box away.  He was going to give the Fentons the benefit of the doubt until he got actual evidence one way or another.  Frostbite had said that he’d never actually met them.  So.  

Jazz’s room.  While he was still mostly awake.  It was getting late.  

He walked through the wall into the room next door.  Jazz’s room was… less empty than he would have expected, given that she had her own house.  But it looked like someone had moved out of the room in an awful hurry.  More of the drawers in the dresser were opened than closed, clothing was strewn over the bed, the chair had been knocked over, the desktop computer tower had been opened up and the hard drive removed.  

Danny searched the room, but didn’t find anything but a note in Jazz’s handwriting, something about reminding him of a school assignment.  Everything else was just… clothing, books, his sister’s knick-knacks.  Nothing important.  

Defeated, he went back to his room, curled up in his bed, and went to sleep under the fake stars.  

.

Danny was going to give the Fentons a week, just like he’d given everyone else, unless they did something really unbelievable or dangerous, like the Observants, or forgot to feed him or something.  He’d already decided that, and he’d stick to it, even if they were being sketchy.  

So, he stuck with Maddie’s frantic baking, and Jack interrupting himself whenever he, apparently accidentally, mentioned engineering or science.  He let it go when they dodged his questions about what they did for a living.  He knitted with Jack, and watched documentaries and movies, and helped Maddie make lunch and breakfast, and slowly started working through the comics he’d found in his room.  He listened to Jack as he monologued about this and that and letting the broken mug ‘set.’  He helped with the ‘remodel’ as much as he could, and looked for clues about what, exactly, Jack and Maddie had removed.  

He also searched his own room, but the Observants, or whoever had prepared the trial, had been very thorough when making sure there was no direct physical evidence of Danny having ever lived here.  Not only were there no pictures, the schoolwork on the walls was old enough that Danny couldn’t say if the handwriting really was his, and it wasn’t like he’d found a journal or anything anywhere.  There was just a feeling.  

What he didn’t do, though, was look through the walled-off door in the kitchen.  

If there was a mad science lab anywhere, it was there.  And if a mad science lab was here, it was probably where he had died.  He…  Didn’t really want to see that.  He wasn’t sure he could see that and stay… reasonable… with Jack and Maddie.  

But… he had to know.  

So, just the day before he’d ‘scheduled’ himself to leave, he stood in front of that patch of wall and stepped through.  

It was predictably dark.  But Danny had both good night vision and the ability to create balls of light, so he called one up.  

The basement wasn’t unfinished.  It was, in fact, a mad science lab.  

He hated being right.  

It wasn’t just a mad science lab, though.  It was a half destroyed mad science lab.  Shelves had been knocked over, machines had been partially disassembled.  One area in particular looked as if someone had taken a sledgehammer to it and then dumped ectoplasm and something gross and brown on it.  He couldn’t even tell what some of that stuff was.

And then there was the inactive portal.  

Danny floated towards it, despite remembering Vlad’s warning about his portal.  It looked almost exactly the same.  Maybe a little less shiny, but still…

He yanked himself away from it, not liking how it seemed to grab his attention, and floated over to where filing cabinets had spilled over.  He grabbed a piece of paper at random and read it.  Then he read it again.  Finally, he dropped it back onto the pile.  

Jack and Maddie made their money inventing weapons.  Good to know.  

He floated over to the particularly wrecked area.  Was this the result of a weapons test?  That would make sense… sort of… so much of this was just meaningless without context, and he couldn’t get context.

There were papers here, too, in a binder half embedded in one wall.  Danny pulled it free easily and started to read it.  

When he realized what he was reading, he almost dropped the binder.  This was–  But it had to be for an animal, a dangerous animal they were hunting, or–  There were animal ghosts.  Frostbite even had the skins and furs of a few.  

Danny’s hands were shaking.  He wasn’t sweating.  Ghost form was good for more than his looks.  But he was shaking.  And his tail had fluffed out to its fullest extent.  

His eyes wandered down the pages, shying away from the worse things, until, finally, he reached a name.  

It was his.  

Phantom.  

He turned to the last page, skipping most of the binder, and read–

This time, he did drop the binder, and he gagged, too.  No.  No, that didn’t happen to him.  He flew backwards, over the bloody mess that had–  He ran into one of the walls, and an alarm started up, a broken thing, clearly not working quite right.  

Danny fled up the stairs, through the shut, metallic door, through the hasty drywall and into the kitchen.  The kitchen, where the alarm was also blaring, and Jack and Maddie were walking through the door in matching bathrobes.  

“Were– Were you in the lab?” asked Jack, uncertainly.  

“You,” said Danny, struggling to get the words out.  “You–”

“Are you hurt?” asked Maddie, reaching for him.  “Do you–”

“No!” shouted Danny.  “Don’t touch me!  Don’t come near me!”

She backed off, immediately, raising her hands so he could see them.  He hated that it did make him feel better.  

“Danny,” she said.  “Danny, I don’t know what you saw–”

“I saw what you did.  You hunted me down like– like an animal.  You tried to– to–” Danny sagged against the counter, one hand clutching the pocketwatch.  He should just hit the button.  He should hit the button now.  But part of him needed to know why.  

“It was a mistake,” said Jack.  

“A mistake?  You didn’t do that by mistake.  You can’t just trip and then do that.  There’s planning there, and preparation–”

“No, no,” said Maddie, “not–  We didn’t know it was you.  You didn’t look like yourself–”

“I don’t look like myself now, are you going to do it again?”

“No,” said both Jack and Maddie, vehemently.

“But you would’ve done it to someone else, is that it?”

“That’s,” said Jack.  “Not anymore.  Not anymore, son.  We’ve made mistakes.  We were wrong about so, so many things, but we’re trying.  We’re trying, and we never wanted to do anything that would hurt you.”

“We’re trying to make amends,” said Maddie.

“By hiding this?” demanded Danny.  “By pretending you didn’t do it?”

“Only because this is our only chance,” she said.  “It’s our only chance, and you didn’t even remember.  What good would apologizing have done?”

“More good than this.  Why did you even do it?”

“We’re scientists,” said Maddie.  

“We just wanted to know how ghosts work,” said Jack.  “But we’ve sworn all of it off, forever.  We even took out the anti-ghost security system!  We don’t want to have anything to do with something that hurt you.”

“You hurt me.”

“Please, Danny, you have every right to be angry with us,” said Maddie, “but give this family a chance.  We know it’s our fault that things turned out the way they did, but…  We’re sorry.  We’re sorry, and we love you, and we want to fix this, and doesn’t that count for something?”

“We want to be a family again,” said Jack, openly crying.  “We want to show you what that’s like.  What it would be like, now that we know.  You are our family, Danny.”

“Family,” repeated Danny, suddenly feeling cold, as if all the ice in his core had built to an unbearable level.  

He turned around, towards the counter, eyes flicking back and forth until he found what he was looking for.

Danny picked the repaired mug up off the kitchen counter.  “This cup,” he said.  “It’s like this cup.”

“What do you mean?” asked Jack.  

“Please,” said Maddie.  “We know that what we did was wrong, and we want to– We just wanted to move past it.  We want to be a family again, Danny.  We always just wanted you to be safe.”

Danny shook his head and turned the sink on.  He put the cup under it and filled it with water.  That done, he turned off the sink and he set the cup on the counter.  It leaked, horribly.  Some of the cracks leaked slowly, seeping water.  Some, near the bottom, spurted.  

“It’s still a cup,” said Danny.  “But you can’t really use it like one anymore, can you?  It’s not– It’s probably not even safe to use anymore, is it?  With the glue, and the cracks.”

“But it’s still something you made,” said Jack.  “It’s still something important, isn’t it?  It’s worth saving, for the memories.”

“Maybe,” said Danny.  “But you still can’t use it to drink.  You, um.  You have to get another cup.”  He wiped tears from his eyes.  “You can remember it, and it can be good to remember it, but it won’t work anymore.  It can’t be fixed.”

He turned back to them.  

“Please, Danny,” said Jack.  “Don’t go.  We love you.”

Danny gave them a tiny, pained smile, then said, “Goodbye.”

[daenysx]

Hi! I don't know if you remember the request of reader being pregnant with aemond but don't want to tell him because they are not married and the baby would be a bastard and his family wouldn't accept that, well, i was wondering if you could make a little series about it (like the proposal, the wedding, the pregnancy, the birth and a couple year later).

Los of love 💖

hi baby, thank you so much for this request and i'm sorry it took me so long! i've tried 2 different versions but i wasn't really satisifed with them. you can think of this as the second part and the explanation of their feelings.

requests are open!!

my masterlist

STRINGS ATTACHED (part 1)

part 2 - confessing

you and aemond explain your feelings to each other. nsfw.

he looks calm and relaxed, watches the ceiling as he rubs absent-minded circles on your belly.

it has been only 3 days since you told aemond that you are pregnant with his baby. in his analitical mind there are two parts; the one which makes him want to scream his happiness and the one which makes him know that he should protect you and the baby from every possible thing that could happen.

after that little moment of shock passed, he started to make plans in his mind. how to meet you with his family, how to get married to you, how to prevent any harm that can come to your way. he cannot afford to lose you and the baby at this point. he is already ready to lose it all just for your sake.

you are in bed next to him. his enormous bed, the witness of all your love making sessions. the witness of him falling in love with you everytime as you try to hold him closer.

"do you have any regrets?"

your soft voice brings him back to reality.

"regrets?"

you nod. "i'm just curious, it all happened so fast."

he gives himself a few seconds to think before he answers.

"i don't regret our baby. please don't ever think that. i should've told you about my feelings sooner. i shouldn't have made you feel like it's just sex and nothing else."

"why did you do it then?"

he seems happy that you want explanations instead of letting go.

"i didn't know how to reach you. how to be with you. how to start a relationship or even asking you. it happened and you seemed like you love the deal we had, i accepted what i had and didn't stop."

you let out a small chuckle.

"so, what you're saying is 'the perfect aemond targaryen' didn't know how to ask a girl out and settled for a sex arrangement instead?"

your words did something to him and suddenly he is on top of you, kissing like there is no tomorrow.

"and what about you, hmm? why wait so long to tell me how you feel? why ever letting me believe that you fell for someone else?"

you keep kissing him before answering his question.

"i didn't want to lose you. i thought if i talk about feelings you would break the arrangement and i could never see you again."

he understands. of course he fucking understands. it's not difficult to process everything in his mind but he feels guilty somehow. he wishes he could be the brave one. it would change everything and he cannot help himself, he thinks of all the lost opportunities.

"i just wish-" you kiss him, not letting him finish his sentence that he starts with a frown on his face.

"no. from now on, it's a new beginning for us. we won't think anything about the past, okay?"

he smiles. it's comforting, to have someone by his side who makes sure he stops thinking.

"i want this with you. i want all of you. i want everything with you."

he kisses you. not just a sweet, little kiss but a passionate one. your words carve their ways into his heart and he lets himself hold onto them until the end of his days.

"we will have a baby, can you believe that?" you say with a big smile.

"i must admit, it's still a shock. i wouldn't want a baby with anyone but you, it's quite a relief."

you frown slightly. "oh, please. you should try to be a little more romantic than that."

he starts pressing kisses to your neck as he stays on top of you in bed. "i should be romantic, hmm? should i kiss every inch of your body that i adore so much, you can't even guess? should i tell you how much i love you, how much i'd like to think about you, carrying our baby? should i tell you how beautiful you'll be as a mother and that i'll always be a man on his knees for you? because i think i can do that, sweetheart."

you hold his face and lead his lips to yours. he is a man of words and those words make you want to part your legs for him, only to keep him there forever.

"can you- can we-"

you pause, breathless and unsure of your words.

"anything you want." he understands.

he makes a quick work on your clothes, takes them off. he takes off his eyepatch, stands next to bed until he's naked for you. you watch him with eager eyes. he is yours now. no need to hide anything you feel. you press your thighs together, biting your lip.

"you should keep those legs open for me, my love."

you take a deep breath. his fingers stay on your thighs as he helps you keep them open.

"already wet for me? you look perfect."

he brings his fingers to your cunt, slowly touches with gentle fingertips. his fingers easily gets coated with your wetness and you whimper softly.

"i need to hear those voices, okay? be loud for me."

his first time touching you when you're both aware of feelings and it feels different. all he wants is to kiss you and fuck you senseless but he wants to be gentle and loving, too.

he is sure you're ready and if he doesn't start moving his fingers soon, you'll be cursing him. he puts his index finger deep, the sensation of his long finger in you is sudden and perfect. he moves it until he makes sure you feel that delicious strech, then he adds his middle finger.

"move your hips for me, sweet girl. there you go, it's nice isn't it?"

you nod as you move your hips in a sync with his fingers and it's perfect. it's more than nice, feeling his fingers right there. then he makes it better.

he knows how much you love it when he finds your g-spot and touches it like a cruel man. endless pressure until he feels your walls clench. you are almost addicted.

"yes, oh god, aemond! keep your fingers there, it's so- hmm."

he chuckles. "why on earth would i stop touching something so beautiful, hmm? let go, princess."

you find his other hand with closed eyes and lead his thumb to your clit.

"two fingers not enough for you, you want another one? fuck, i love you so fucking much."

he rubs your swollen clit and you move your hips like your life depends on it. you feel yourself getting close but you also don't want this to end.

"kiss me."

he immediately obeys and leans forward to kiss you. his hands don't stop, his lips swallow all of your noises and you love it. you love how much he devotes himself to you in bed.

it doesn't take long, you arch your back your hands stroke his hair and he slows his pace when he feels you come around him. warm liquid goes down on your legs and on his fingers and it feels like the world can fuck off now that you have him.

you hold his hand, relieved and happy. "you are perfect, thank you."

"no need to thank me, love. it was my pleasure." he smirks and that smirk has never looked more beautiful.

you take a few minutes as he cleans you. when you feel the effect of shattering orgasm lessens, you sit on bed, leading him under you.

"i'd like to return the favor."

he looks unsure. "as much as i love the image of your lips around my cock, i don't want you to go hard on yourself, love. that was for you."

you shake your head stubbornly. "i want to do it. i love doing it, you know that and i'm fine."

you don't let him say anything else, you take his cock in your soft hand. he hisses with the sudden feeling. you tighten your fingers experimentally, hearing his voice saying your name desperately.

"don't tease me, you little minx. it was hard enough to watch you come undone on my fingers, i need you."

you smile affectionally. "as you wish."

you lick your palm and bring it back to his cock, stroking him slowly and your thumb is on the tip of him. you lean forward and take him in your mouth. it's quite impossible to take him fully in your mouth but you start slow and he guides you, never lets you hurt yourself.

you start sucking him, gently. your hands travel on his thighs and the length of him that you cannot have in your mouth. his hands find your hair, helps you move easily.

you are used to this, during your arrangement it was the only thing that calmed aemond's mind. he'd love seeing you taking care of him, sucking him, and looking at him with those eyes while you do that. it never takes too long for him, the image of you between his legs is enough to get him there.

"can you- a little more, my love. please." such needy words coming from his mouth.

you are merciful, you keep moving your lips and tongue in a way you know makes him go feral. he starts lifting his hips unintentionally.

"i'm close baby, you can stop."

you straighten your back for a moment, continue your movements with your hand. you take a deep breath and take him in your mouth again.

"baby-"

"i wanna swallow. come on aemond, i know you are close."

your words start burning their way into his brain and he loses it. he comes with a loud moan, his desire stays in your mouth in a liquid form. he can't think or breathe for a moment.

"i think you just killed me."

you smirk. "you always say the same thing."

he pulls you closer into his arms. he holds you right there, such a moment was reserved only in his dreams and now it's his reality. he pulls the covers on you, you bury your face to his neck.

"i've always wanted to do this. after you made me come with that perfect mouth of yours, i wanted to hold you like this."

you mumble softly. "sometimes you did."

"it wasn't enough."

his lips find your neck, the soft skin of your breast, and your belly.

"our baby is right here, hmm?"

you smile. "it's too small, aemond. we should see a doctor though."

"still, it's here my love. and we can see a doctor tomorrow, okay?"

you nod. "i want to sleep."

"go ahead, baby. i'll be right here when you wake up."

[ornii]

I don't know if you write for her, but if you write for MJ from the MCU, what would it be like if she had a brother who didn't disappear in the blip, became a hero, and MJ finds out when he's injured one night and tries to help him with the hero stuff?

You’re worthy , Loser.

“Mister Jones, can you tell us the definition of Biometric identification?”

You looked up from the football plays you were trying to remember in the middle of class, everyone turned to you and expected an answer.

“Oh, yeah it’s the process of verifying a person's identity through their unique biological characteristics such as fingerprints, iris scans, facial recognition, and voiceprints.” You replied, actually surprising most. You went back to your plays as per usual. Football wasn’t a major factor in your life as you could go without it, but anything for a scholarship you thought. It just so happens that you’re really good at it. Class ended pretty normally and now you had to go find your Sister. Walking down the halls of Midtown High. You didn’t spot her usual spot to brood so you had an idea of where she would be; Detention.

Peering into the Class you saw the substitute and of course M.J doodling. You leaned in the doorway.

“Trouble again?” You joked, MJ turned to you, that clandestine face.

“No I just like to come here and, sketch people in crisis.” She eyes the Substitute teacher. You roll your eyes and lean forward.

“Well if you’re done making people’s lives much harder than they already are, we have to get home. You have a trip or whatever to prep for.” You turned and walked away, knowing MJ was reluctantly behind you.

“So, did you actually make any friends?” You asked, you couldn’t see it but you could almost hear her slouch when you said it.

“Why does it matter if I had friends to you exactly?” She asked you.

“Because good friends keep you from doing really dumb things. And when I graduate I want to make sure you have a few good ones.” You turned around, walking backwards. MJ always hated that you did it.

“I highly doubt I’d do something that bad, plus our “Social circles” if you can call it that are in completely different places. And can you stop walking backwards it’s weird.”

“It’s not weird, you’re just bad at it.” You said, you side stepped, avoiding a branch.

“How do you do that?”

“It’s about knowing where you’re gonna be.” You replied. “Hey.. did you see the new Thor Display? Apparently they found his broken hammer and put the pieces on display. You think if it was back together that I could lift it?” You asked, MJ smirked.

“You think you’re a god?”

“Well, no.. isn’t the point is that you’re worthy or something?” You asked, you turned back around as you saw your apartment complex. “I’m selfless i think?”

“If you have to think, probably not.” She replied, and you turned back to her.

“But you never answered, do you think I’m worthy?” You said, and for a moment, MJ was actually honest.

“Fine.. I think you’re worthy, because when dad left.. you turned into the dad I needed.” She admitted, when your father left it was, hard. You did what you had to do, being the dad MJ never had, you couldn’t leave your sister and mom to do this alone. You actually had to fight back tears slightly, you smiled and patted her on the shoulder.

“Thanks Michelle. I mean it.” You replied, and she shrugged. “Yeah, but don’t call me Michelle.”

“Walls came back up huh? Okay MJ.” You opened the door to your home and stepped in, to eerie silence. “Mom?” You asked, but heard nothing, it was odd, she’s usually here before you got home, you heard a sudden thud and turned around.

“Hey MJ—“ you spoke but the words failed to erupt, she was gone, missing. Dust flew out of the doorway as you saw her notebook on the ground. Obviously you were confused, you rushed out the house to see it was fear, terror around the block, around the city, the state… the world. You wished it was just some nightmare, but you never knew it was the last time you ever saw your sister.

It took a year for you to come to terms with it all, half other world’s population, gone. Standing in the school you stood at the trophy case, seeing the Award Michelle won at the Decathlon. She always had this spark about her, she acts like she didn’t care but she did. The rage and grief you felt slowly began to brew into a thunderstorm of what’s real and what’s not.

What’s real; is that you lost your family, to some entity you didn’t even know existed, and you can never exact your revenge.

What’s unreal; is that you’re going to let this ever happen again. With a punch of anger a storm brews, as you scream in anger and pain lightning slams into the earth, and the pieces of Thors hammer slowly levitate and slam together, a weapon reborn not from grief and hate, ready to protect the world so that this will never happen again, you were worthy.

Five Years pass, joining the remaining avengers to go back in time before The Events leading to the Snap. Once the infinity stones were taken from Thanos, Tony made the ultimate sacrifice, putting the life of the entire universe before his, and died a Hero.

Flying desperately though the air you almost forgot how to land, you hit the ground hard, hammer still in hand. You turned to the door and took a step towards it. It’s been years since you entered your family home, it was never the same. You stopped seeing the doorknob twist, you held for breath and waited in fear of what you were going to see, but it was all just in your mind.

MJ opened the door, a bit puzzled. She looked at you, obviously not understanding what’s going on.

“Why are you dressed like you’re going to Comic con?” She said, “You look.. older too.” She stepped down, looking at you like a stranger.

“What’s with the beard? And the hammer?” MJ opened her mouth to say something else but you hugged her tight. Overwhelmed with all of it, how happy you were couldn’t be put into words.

“Holy shit.” You whispered, you let MJ go, somehow not crushing her with your new godlike powers.

“So… it’s been five years.” You said, which made her raise an eyebrow. “Five?”

“Yeah.. you uh, died. A lot of people died, but you’re back now so… damn this is hard to explain.” You rubbed your face, exhausted, MJ saw the look on yours.

“Just, come inside, you can explain it to me at your pace.” She calmly takes your hand leading you in, you did look exhausted, and probably traumatized. Five years of fighting to get your family back.

In my opinion, you are worthy.

[littledollll]

Hi! Can I request a Larissa x fem! reader smut where Larissa goes on full mistress/possessive mode because she thinks reader doesn't love her as she used to and she's secretly scared to lose her. So she's like "I'm fucking you until you won't be able to walk nor speak" (that's what actually happens eheh) but in the end during some fluffy aftercare she tells R about her insecurities and R reassures her that her feelings haven't change and that are actually stronger than ever.

Good little puppy

Larissa Weems x Reader

A/n: this started as another fic and then I was like “wait this works so good” so now I’m writing 2 fics at once let’s go☝️

Warnings: cunnulings, fingering, edging, orgasm denial, overstimulation٫ little angst٫ fluffy aftercare, pet play?, pretty crying, a single thigh slap.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

You had no idea what got into her but when she walked into your home demanding you be on the bed and ready for her before she got there, you had no complaints following orders.

You were giddy to have more of the rough dominant Larissa, usually she’s more soft which you have no issue with but this got you excited, you immediately jumped off to get ready for her.

Meanwhile in Larissa’s mind this was a show of ownership, a way to prove you needed her. For some reason she felt as if you’re pulling away, and she can’t have that, she won’t lose you.

You stripped down to nothing, and sat pretty on the bed while waiting for her. Your legs tucked under yourself, hands placed over your thighs which were only slightly parted, just how she taught you.

You could feel yourself getting wet at the thought of what she’ll do to you, your core burning with need as you sat and waited for her.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

The second she walked in she studied you, looked at every detail to make sure you’re just how she taught you, then she made her way over to you, taking your chin in her hand rather roughly. “Good girl. Lay down for me, flat against the bed, legs open and feet planted, and give me your pillow.”

You did just that, following her every order as she said. She took the pillow and placed it under your hips. “What do you call me, baby?”

“Mistress or ma’am.” She hummed in approval, hands running down your thighs. “Good, keep that up and you’ll get a reward. What are your safe words?”

God you were so ready for her, you wanted her now, but you knew better than to make demands today, just be good and you’ll get what you want. “Green is good, yellow slow down, pinch if I can’t talk, red is full stop, double tap if I can’t talk.”

You couldn’t take your eyes off her as she undressed, every article falling off revealing more of the woman you loved. She let her hair down, slowly, you knew she was trying to keep you waiting and needy, she was succeeding.

You don’t even remember when she lowered herself between your thighs, too focused on her and her body. She was on you in seconds, licking up every drop of your arousal.

She groaned against you, arms coming up around your thighs, holding you flush against her as she harshly sucked on your clit. You screamed, thighs tensing and closing around her and she slapped your thigh as a warning, making your legs snap open again.

Once your whimpers got too loud and your legs threatened to close again, she pulled away. You whined, hips needly bucking up in search of your release as her mouth was replaced by a teasing finger, running down your slit, barely thrusting into you before pulling out and rubbing circles on your clit.

She didn’t stop this torture, keeping you right on the edge of an orgasm, she would repeat the pattern and circle your clit until you cried out, then move back down, tracing your thighs, fucking into you once, twice, before pulling away and attaching her mouth back to your needy cunt.

You knew what she wanted, she wanted you to beg. Shaking with tears escaping your eyes by the fourth time she repeated this dreadful process you sobbed, desperately gripping her hair to keep her against you, you rode her face with vigor, attempting to reach your orgasm before she would inevitably pull away.

You were unsuccessful, the second your hips stuttered she pushed you away, leaving you a panting and crying mess. “No no- god! Mistress, please-“ she hummed, calm as ever. Even with her hair a mess because of your tight grip, lips and chin covered in your arousal she managed to look breathtaking, and somehow composed while you were a mess above her.

“You can do better than that puppy, beg for me, tell your mistress how much you need it, how much you need me.” You’ve never head larissa sound so possessive, at the same time she was borderline begging.

The second you were about to speak Larissa pressed harder against your clit, making you whimper, “I need you, please mistress it hurts-“ you cut yourself off when you rolled your hips against her hand, letting out a breathy moan.

"I need it mistress, wanna cum for you please- let me cum please!" You felt hot all over, a shiver ran up your spine when she was back on you, this time she added her fingers, two thrusting into you hard and fast while she lapped at your clit making you scream out.

You couldn’t possibly wait any longer. Every lick and suck at your sensitive clit was making you wither and moan. “Mistress..!“ You were breathless, half-lidded eyes threatening to close as you tried desperately to keep your eyes on her, searching for permission.

She nodded against you, finally allowing you to let go and the world went blank for a second, you couldn’t see or hear absolutely anything as you moaned and rutted against her.

After helping you come down from your high she went back to that teasing pace with her fingers. “Good girl, my good puppy. Can you give me one more?”

You were reduced to whimpers. You couldn’t breathe yet you nodded and gave her a quiet “yes ma’am”. You didn’t get a chance to feel that delicious afterglow without it being interrupted by her fingers against your g-spot.

Larissa pulled your squirming body back to her, her hands moving up your torso gripping your waist, holding you down against her.

You couldn’t keep up with it, first it was edging and now she wants you to keep going, you were so sensitive, every little touch felt like electricity.

The way she curled her fingers, how her tongue pressed against your sensitive clit, the bruising grip she had on your waist to keep you from squirming away, it was all too much and you could feel your release inching up on you again. “Clo-close!”

Larissa moaned against you and her tongue slid down replacing her fingers, bringing her soaked fingers and tapping your lips, you immediately took them into your mouth.

Her fingers slipped from your mouth as your head rolled back, your moans and whimpers getting whiny, loud as you fell over the edge.

Larissa pulled back, licking her lips. “Absolutely delicious. All mine aren’t you, pup?” She littered kisses and bites all over your thighs, hickeys spreading across your body as she moved up and your arms fell limp on the bed.

She was beyond pleased with the sight that met her once she crawled on top of you. Hazy eyes unfocused, looking in her direction but not really seeing, until she cupped your face and you finally met hers.

“Hi pretty, do you feel fuzzy?” Her voice was soft, so soft as she caressed your cheek. Your only response was a whimper, pretty tears gathering in your eyes threatening to spill.

She hummed, leaning down to press a kiss to your cheek. “My obedient little puppy, you did so good for me. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

“Riss-“ you whined when she moved away from you, “two minutes pup, I’ll be two minutes.”

True to her word she came back with a bottle of water, a wet cloth and a towel.

She whispered sweet praises as she cleaned you up, shushing your whimpers with a soft kiss each time, your eyes fell close as your exhausted body recovered with her help.

When she was done she crawled into bed, sitting and laying you on her chest, Larissa rubbed soothing circles on your back until your breathing was even again and you hugged around her waist.

“Where’d all that come from? m not complaining it’s just- rare” you shifted to look up at her. “You- this is going to sound so stupid.”

“I won’t judge, Riss.” She sighed and spoke softly, “I know you won’t. I feel- felt as if you were pulling back, like you fell out of love with me.”

You giggled and she pouted at you. Now it was your turn to litter kisses, from her chest and up her neck as you sat up and straddled her lap. You kissed her jaw, cheek, and finally her lips. “I have never stopped loving you, my dear Larissa. I’m sorry if I made it seemed that way.”

“My anxieties got the best of me I’m afraid.” You kissed her again, a smile on you face when you pulled back. “Allow me to soothe every last one then, mistress.”

“Mischievous little thing, I think I’d quite like that.”

[babygirl-riley]

Rainbows

Simon finds you in the backyard

Warnings: stillbirth, miscarriage, angst, fluff, swearing

“Have your fears and your pain gone away? Cause here on Earth it feels like everything.”

simon x reader guide

simon x reader fluff/angst list

Simon came home from the store, having groceries to make dinner. Usually he never did but lately he needed to. He was used to loss, used to losing things, people, loved ones. You weren’t. You weren’t used to death and grief. Maybe he goes about his grieving process unhealthily but right now he had to. For you.

He walked into the kitchen placing the bags down. The house was deafening quiet. It has been for a week with small sniffling however, that wasn’t the case. Simon left to the shared bedroom, for it to be dark and empty. He went to the bathroom, same empty and dark. He hesitated for the next room, he hated stepping into the room. Having the happiness being drained from what happened.

The room was painted blue, had stuff animals on shelves along with books. Rocking chair in the corner near the crib. The crib that would have been used. Usually you would be in this room holding to a blanket your mom made for the baby, crying, apologizing.

It wasn’t your fault, your body rejected the baby. Thinking it was a virus, not a living thing. A heartbeat. Simon stood in the doorway trying to push the memory of finding you in the bathroom, holding your stomach. Crying in pain, saying something was wrong.

Something was wrong, the baby was gone. The baby shows the signs, saying his goodbyes to his parents. Simon remembered when you had to give birth to him, he felt nothing. Trying to be strong enough for you as you pushed both of your son out. Simon remembered as he made no noise as he was placed on your chest.

You sobbed holding him whispering sorry continuously. Simon holding you and comforting you that it wasn’t your fault. That he wished it wasn’t you both that had to go through this. Simon snapped out of it when he felt a small nudge on his hand.

Riley. Simon looked down to see the Shepard looking up at him, nudging him again. Price got him the dog for solo missions and sniffing out anything that was needed for assignments. Eventually though he left him here with you, gives Simon reassurance that someone was here protecting you. Which now he was glad that he did due to leaving to an assignment sometime. Especially in your state.

After the funeral you weren’t the same, you were distant. You barely spoke, laughed, even at some point cried, unless it was late at night when you thought he was asleep. When you would doze off during the day not really move, Simon would hold you and rub your neck and back. Playing circles around your skin, kissing you.

Riley pulled at his sleeve. “What Ri.” Simon said lowly as he pulled on him again walking towards the back.

Simon followed him as he went through the dog door. He looked through the sliding glass watching Riley go to sit next to you. You didn’t move as he laid next to you. You looked beautiful, hair down, the sun hitting it a way that made it shine. It looked partly wet, which meant you showered, bringing joy to Simon. You had your knees up to your chest, arms hooked around them.

Simon opened the door, walking out. There were moments to leave you alone, to give you space. He understood the reasoning about being alone during times like these, he has done it. Soldiers have done it. It’s something that is important. Right now though he wanted to be next to you. Even if it meant just sitting next to you.

Riley looked up at him wagging his tail and watched as Simon sat on the other side of Riley. Simon placed his hand on the pups head, swiping down to his neck up to his head again. You still didn’t move, looking up at the sky. You beautiful eyes glued to the blue colored sky.

Simon stared for a while before you inhaled. “I needed to be out here,” You started not looking at him. “He would have loved the world out here.”

Simon knew what you were saying. Both Simon and you talked about how you would take your son out, give him the taste of what the outside world is like. Full of color, animals, love. How different smells would be. How the feel of the wind would be.

“He would have.” He commented looking forward at the trees that were at the edge of the land.

Simon thought about how he would be a toddler running around with Riley. Giggling. Simon never thought about children like he has been, thought they he would never get the chance. He would always think of things that he would go out and do with his son.

Simon thought about times that he would help his son for his first steps all the way till his first date. Help him out on his first tie. Teach him how to drive. Maybe go out on a shoot range. His first word. Everything cycled in his brain, wanting that life, now longing for it.

“I want to try again,” You started slowly before swallowing hard. “I just don’t know when.”

Simon nodded, he knew you wanted to, he wanted to. It’s just the time part he wanted both of you to heal from. “I do too but there is no time limit sweethear’.”

You inhaled watching your lip tremble. “What if I keep killing our babies?”

The question was a heavy hitter. He hated hearing yourself say those things. You are not a killer which means you never killed your son. Simon stood up to walk to kneel in front of you. “Stop saying that love,” He whispered putting his hand on your cheek and guiding it down to him. Your eyes puffed and red from crying. Those beautiful colored eyes being walled up from tears. “This isn’t your fault.”

“Then who is it Si?” You snapped back glaring at him.

It was your body sure but not your control. Simon sighed rubbing a circle on your cheek. “You had no control.”

You frowned looking down and away for a moment. The sob came through, he held you for a while as you sobbed and sobbed against his shirt. Simon rubbed his hand through your hair as Riley scoot closer to your hip. He looked up to see where you were looking at to see a faint rainbow.

Simon inhaled deeply, he heard about babies that don’t make it. How they are rainbow children, that it brings some beauty during the darkest times. Symbolizing hope and healing. Maybe. Just maybe that it is a start of the healing process.

[bwabys-scenarios]

Reunited

Part 31

Illumi x Reader x Feitan

part 30

part 32

warnings: suggestive, a little angsty, readers history before she was adopted is mentioned(nothing is stated explicitly)

taglist: @tsukilover11 @mercyboluthecrazychicken @sxyriii @shidoni-san @living4tomrua @lemonslut @honeylunalove @sugarrushdaydream @canthebest1 @whorermoviestar @fabitheraven @ashdownunderscorebeloved @astresoleil @ranzxki @smuttysammie22 @yandere-enthusiast

if you’d like to be ADDED to the taglist, please comment a red heart ❤️, make sure you’re able to be tagged/mentioned, and have your age in your bio(IF YOU ARE ALREADY ON THE TAGLIST, YOU DON’T NEED TO ASK TO BE ADDED AGAIN!!)

Feitan was beginning to regret his life choices.

(Name) sat in his lap, her butt pressed against his crotch. It was all he could do to not pop a boner right then and there.

It didn’t help when the road started to get bumpy.

“F-Fei, I’m slipping.”

She pushed herself back into his lap, struggling to stay still. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Stop moving.”

His words came out in a hiss, his face pressed against her back.

“I’m trying!”

Nobunaga watched the two in mild amusement. “Having trouble over there, Fei?”

The man let go of her waist with one hand and flipped him off.

“Yeesh. Might wanna keep a hand on your girl, she’s slipping again.”

Feitan quickly wrapped his arms back around her as she began to slip again. “Shit, stay still.”

“Your coat is slippery…”

She pouted behind her ski mask, rubbing the back of Feitan’s hand with her thumb.

“They noticed it.”

The string Machi was holding went slack.

“That was faster than expected.” Feitan replied, muffed against (Name)’s back.

“Don’t worry, we’ve almost got them!” Shalnark said, glancing at the concerned (Name) through the rear view mirror.

“Whatever… why are we all stuffed in this tiny car?” Nobunaga asked.

“No right to complain. It’s just a little longer.”

(Name) huffed. “I didn’t ask to sit in your lap, you know.”

“Did ask to come.”

She couldn’t really argue with that, so she did the only thing she could for retribution.

(Name) wiggled around and complained, Feitan hissing and squeezing her hips so tight she could feel the bruises setting in. Feitan pulled her in closer to whisper into her ear.

“Stop playing, not ready for the consequences of your actions.”

At first she didn’t understand, until she felt something hard pressing right into her ass.

(Name)’s face heated up, instantly staying as still as possible.

“Good girl.”

If (Name) had a tail, it would be wagging right now. He seemed to notice the shift in her body temperature, a wicked grin on his face.

“Such a good girl for me, huh? Stay nice and still and maybe you get reward later.”

Her jaw dropped, his previous iron grip becoming gentler as he rubbed circles into her soft thighs.

(Name) was about to protest when something landed on the hood of their car, the girl not able to process anything because it happened so quickly.

The next thing she remembered was being held in Feitan’s arms, now outside of the car.

“Nobunaga had an unlucky position…”

He placed her on her feet, his hands lingering on her lower back.

(Name) buffered, struggling to take everything in.

The car had been wrapped in cloth, shrunken down, and Nobunaga had been trapped inside.

A man stood in front of them, with short brown hair and owlish eyes.

“His friends have arrived to help.” Feitan said, pushing (Name) behind him. She held onto the back of his coat, observing the figures appearing from the darkness.

“Yes…” Machi replied.

“There are quite a few of them!”

(Name) glanced at Shalnark, who winked in return.

“Who are these guys? Are they really the Phantom Troupe members?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

“But they look so weak.”

(Name) wasn’t paying attention, having avoided hearing the groups name. She was staring at her feet, trying to calm down her blush.

‘What does he mean by a reward?’

“This is strange. The chain user grabbed Uvo, before escaping by car.”

(Name) was pulled back into the conversation when Feitan spoke.

“Does that mean the chain user isn’t a shadow beast?”

Feitan sighed. “Well, we’ll know once we ask them…”

“Should we keep them all alive?”

“No, we require only Owl.”

“Then I’ll handle that.”

The shadow beasts sneered down at the group. “Those damned kids are talking smack. Let’s show them how scary the Shadow Beasts can be.”

Shalnark smiled. “Did you hear that?”

“Shalnark, you stay there and watch over (Name). I’ll take three, Shizuku can have the other two.” Feitan pushed the girl towards Shalnark, who caught her with ease.

The blonde giggled, finally able to hold her with permission.

“Let’s close those pretty eyes, alright? Feitan’s made sure we know you don’t like seeing people being killed.”

He pulled her face into his chest as the fighting began.

—————

The fight was over quickly, Shalnark releasing her. “Try not to look around, their bodies are on the ground.”

He pulled the ski mask from her face. All of their opponents were gone or captured, so there was no use in her hiding her identity anymore.

She shivered. “Yeah…”

Once he let go of her, Shalnark walked over to Machi, who held the captured Nobunaga after restraining Owl.

“Okay, let’s free Nobunaga before we start torturing this guy.”

(Name) blinked. ‘Torture? Yeesh.’

“Hold on. We’re taking Owl in the car with us, right? There’s no room, so let’s leave Nobunaga as he is.”

“Screw that! Let me out!”

“I don’t wanna be cramped either.”

Shalnark turned to Owl. “Hey, can you release the car alone?”

“Th-that’s impossible.”

“Too bad. So much for that.” Machi said with a sigh.

(Name) tilted her head. “He could just shrink one of us down and then we can ride in the bag. It should probably be me, since I’m not a big fighter.”

“That’s too dangerous it-“

Feitan stopped himself mid sentence. If she were shrunk down into a little bag, could he possibly peek in and see her all cute and tiny?

“Fei, please tell me you aren’t considering it.” Machi said with a groan. “(Name), we aren’t completely sure how his nen works, so that wouldn’t be safe.”

The group had Owl unshrink the car. Nobunaga jumped out of the door.

“You bastards, making a fool out of me!”

Feitan had her behind him again. “Troupe members aren’t supposed to snap at one another.”

“Shut up!”

He sighed and pulled (Name) with him towards the car. “Anyway, this ability could come in handy for our job.”

“Shut your mouth! I’m cutting this guy to shreds!”

Feitan turned. “No. He’s going to tell us where the treasure is…”

“Feitan’s going to use his skill at-“

(Name) was shoved into the car, then pulled into Feitan’s lap as he closed the door.

“Fei, are you going to torture that guy?”

He didn’t answer, focusing on positioning her hips to where they rested on his lap comfortably.

“You know what, I don’t want to know.”

“You really don’t.”

The ride back to the hideout was quiet, only the occasional squeak leaving (Name)’s lips when she felt Feitan’s grip tighten against her as the ride got bumpier.

——————

(Name) was taken to Chrollo upon arrival, Feitan leaving with Owl.

“So, how did it go?”

She shrugged. “Okay, I guess. No one was injured so I didn’t get to show off my skills, and Feitan wouldn’t let me fight.”

Chrollo hummed, gesturing for her to sit beside him.

“Were you… disturbed by the actions taken by the Troupe?”

She frowned, sitting. “I can’t say I was, but Feitan prevented me from seeing anything gruesome.”

“I see. You’re aware that people were killed tonight, correct?”

“… yes. I am.”

The room was silent for a moment. “What do you think of it all?”

(Name) leaned against his shoulder, the girl being watched by every member in the room.

“I think… I miss Feitan already.”

Shalnark blinked from his corner of the room. ‘Feitan was right, she is a strange girl.’

“If you want my real thoughts… as someone who grew up in Meteor City, death is unavoidable. I can’t say I’m completely numb to it, but… I know those people killed tonight weren’t innocent. They worked for the Mafia, so it’s hard for me to feel sorry for people that hurt others.”

Chrollo smiled down at her. “Really? So if people have done something morally wrong in your mind, that means their life isn’t as important as others?”

She shook her head. “No, it’s not like that. It’s just, I don’t feel as sorry for them. If you live a life of murder and hate, you can’t be upset when it catches up to you one day. It’s not my job to judge them, their own actions will put them in the grave.”

“You’re a strange girl.”

“So I’ve been told.”

The information that (Name) was from Meteor City slowly sunk in, Shalnark gasping.

“You’re from Meteor City too!?”

(Name) tilted her head. “… yeah? Are you?”

“Almost everyone here is.” Franklin answered.

“Even Fei?”

“Yes, we were friends during childhood.” Chrollo answered.

(Name) looked around the room, her jaw dropped. “Then he knew Sarasa too?”

Again, silence took over the group, Pakunoda stepping forward. “Boss, she was a friend of Sarasa?”

He nodded, patting (Name) on the head. “Yes, it seems Sarasa cared for her before…”

His eyes lit up. “Pakunoda, come here. (Name) actually has some information that may be useful in keeping Meteor City safe.”

(Name) tilted her head. “Hmm? How can I help?”

Chrollo sighed. “She can see your memories. It may be only the ones you can physically remember. You know how you said you didn’t want to talk about what happened?”

She nodded slowly, her heart suddenly starting to race. “… yes?”

“What if I said she could see them without you having to speak of what happened? It would stay between you and Pakunoda until you leave.”

She was silent for a moment. “… I don’t want to burden her with that.”

Chrollo’s eyes widened in surprise. ‘Was what happened that bad?’

Pakunoda stood in front of her. “It won’t be a burden. Helping keep Meteor City safe will be worth it.”

She sighed, her hands shaky. “Alright. How does this work?”

“I’ll ask you a question, and when I touch you, I will be able to see into your memory. The question will cause your memory to surface.”

(Name) swallowed hard, her foot tapping against the floor anxiously. “I… I don’t want to remember. It hurts.”

Chrollo placed a firm hand on her thigh. “It will only be for a moment. What you’re doing could save countless lives. No one will have to go through what you did ever again.”

She let out a breathy sigh and nodded, biting her lip.

“Alright. I’m ready.”

Pakunoda stepped forward. “What should I ask her?”

“Ask her what happened before she was found by her parents.”

Pakunoda nodded, placing her hand on (Name)’s shoulder.

“What happened before your parents found you, (Name)?”

The entire building was silent for a moment, everyone on the edges of their seats as Pakunoda read her memory.

She pulled back suddenly, a hand clasping over her mouth.

“(Name), oh my…”

The girl looked down, tears starting to fall from her (e/c) eyes as her body shook. She couldn’t even speak, curling in on herself as her breathing became uneven.

Surprising everyone, Pakunoda stepped forward and brought the girl into a hug, a tear of her own falling from her eye. “I… thank you. You were brave to let me see that.”

A few members of the troupe stepped forward, Shalnark, Machi, and Nobunaga among them.

“What happened? Why is she crying?”

Pakunoda shook her head, her lips pressed together into a thin line. “Talk about it later. Not in front of her.”

The girl cried into Pakunodas chest, gripping the back of her shirt. Chrollo watched with an ever growing anger.

‘It has to be bad for Paku to react like this. What did they do to her? What are they doing to possible other victims?’

“Someone go fetch Feitan and tell him he needs to take her home.”

Machi nodded and left the room.

Feitan came sprinting in, his eyes landing on (Name) and Pakunoda.

“What did you do to her!?”

He raced forward and wrenched (Name) away, pulling her head into his chest as she sobbed.

“Feitan.”

The short man gritted his teeth, but stayed still none the less.

“Pakunoda simply followed my orders. She peeked into (Name)’s memories. It was… painful for (Name). For that, I apologize.”

(Name) trembled in his arm, gripping onto him so tight he wondered if his coat would rip.

“Pakunoda.”

The woman looked down to see Feitan staring up at her, his expression unreadable.

“What did you see?”

“I can’t tell you while she’s in the room.”

Feitan motioned for Shalnark to come forward and handed her to him.

“Take her to the car. Be there in 10 minutes.”

The blonde nodded, scooping the girl into his arms and walking out. He didn’t think he’d ever seen someone so distraught, even the people Feitan tortured.

He felt his own heart break for her.

“You’ll want to sit down for this, Feitan.”

By the feeling of Feitan’s aura becoming murderous, it was clear that what Pakunoda told him had been bad. Very bad.

“She…”

He gritted his teeth as the wall he’d been holding onto crumbled under his grip.

“She went through all of that. How… how can she be so…”

Chrollo stared down at the floor, his expression dark.

“Feitan, calm yourself. The filth that did that to her will be found.”

He gave the man a dark smile. “And we will make sure they experience her pain tenfold.”

Feitan didn’t respond. His eyes were wide with rage, the ground beneath him trembling.

“I know you’re angry, but try to calm down. She needs you right now.”

Feitan took in a shaky breath, pushing back his hair.

“She’s a kind girl. She didn’t want me to see it, because of its… intense nature.”

Pakunoda sat down, her head in her hands. “But she did it for the greater good. I don’t know if I’ve ever met a kinder soul.”

Feitan felt hot, angry tears fall down his cheeks. “Too kind. Too selfless.”

He left the room, the sound of his footsteps echoing through the building as he made his way to (Name).

“Did you see Sarasa?”

Pakunoda looked up when Chrollo asked, her pained expression softening slightly.

“Yes… we have to protect that girl. Sarasa… Sarasa loved her. A lot.”

Chrollo leaned back against the wall, a tired sigh leaving his lips. “So she was telling the truth.”

He stared up at the ceiling.

‘Sarasa, forgive me. We will make sure she’s safe, alright? For you, and for Feitan.’

“Alright, let’s discuss our plans for tonight.”

———————

“Feitan! (Name)’s in the passenger seat. Are you going to drive her home?”

He nodded, unable to speak. Shalnark glanced at (Name) frowning.

“She threw up earlier. I assume it’s from the stress of reliving those memories.”

The blonde winced at the expression on Feitan’s face. He had never seen him so angry.

“Boss needs you inside.”

That’s all Feitan said before sliding into the driver’s seat and driving away.

“(Name).”

She didn’t respond, curled into a ball.

“The people that did that to you? We take care of them.”

The girl peeked at him through her hands, her eyes puffy and red.

“Promise?”

He moved his hand to grab her thigh and give it a comforting squeeze. Her voice was hoarse from vomiting and sobbing.

“Promise.”

She relaxed slightly, reaching out to hold his hand. “… thank you.”

He sighed, keeping his eyes on the road.

“No problem.”

He drove as far as he could, stopping about half a mile outside of the city. From there, he carried her in his arms.

She’d fallen asleep in the car, so he was able to carry her with ease.

‘(Name)… I wish I could have been there. Those bastards…’

His grip tightened on her slightly, causing the girl to whine in her sleep. He quickly relaxed, rubbing soothing circles into her back.

‘Can’t get angry now. Have to get her home.’

Feitan sighed as he weaved through people. The crowds were a pain, but just one look at his darkened expression was enough to keep people from bumping into him.

When he reached her condo, he took her keys from her purse and unlocked it.

Feitan kicked the door closed behind him and headed straight for the bedroom.

After laying her down, he walked to the kitchen and poured her a glass of water. She would probably wake up thirsty.

Feitan placed the cup on her nightstand and attempted to leave, only for her to grab his sleeve.

“Don’t…”

She’d woken up, and the tears had returned. He hated seeing her cry, his chest hurting.

“Want me to stay?”

She nodded, pulling at his sleeve with a whine. “Please.”

He gave her a nod and she let go, the man pulling off his coat and folding it. Feitan set it on her nightstand before climbing into bed with her.

“Thirsty?”

“No…”

She laid her head against his chest, not caring he was shirtless. All (Name) wanted was to feel safe, and Feitan was one of the only people that she trusted enough to hold her.

His arms wrapped around her, pulling her into a warm embrace. (Name) noticed his touch was much more gentle than usual.

“Sleep. Won’t leave.”

She sniffled against his chest, but nodded in agreement.

It didn’t take her long to pass out. The day had been long and exhausting. Both physically and emotionally.

——————

(Name) woke up to an empty bed, terror running through her.

“Feitan? Are you here?”

She stood up quickly, running through her bedroom door to see if he was in the main part of the condo.

He wasn’t.

Her blood ran cold. He wasn’t there, and she was alone. All alone.

Just like back then.

(Name) sank to the floor, her eyes filling with tears. ‘He promised… he said he wouldn’t leave…’

As she began to sob again, her front door opened.

“(Name)?”

She looked up, her lip quivering.

“Feitan?”

He dropped the bags he’d been carrying and scooped her up into his arms, sitting on the floor with her.

“You left… you left me all alone…”

She cried against his shoulder, hiccuping.

“Sorry. I… I went to grab food. Can’t cook.”

Even though he knew he wasn’t gone for long, Feitan still felt guilty for leaving. It was clear she hadn’t gotten over last night, and was still in a sensitive state.

Being gentle and caring wasn’t in his nature. He was cold and cruel, like a good interrogator should be.

But she wasn’t one of his victims, she was (Name). The woman he loved.

His hands, usually meant for killing or harming, cupped her cheeks gently. His calloused thumbs wiped away her tears, his eyes softening. “Shh. It’s okay, come sit at table and eat.”

He helped her stand and walked her over to the table. She whimpered and sniffled the entire time, pawing at him when he attempted to sit her down.

“Stay near me. Please.”

Feitan sighed, pulling his chair as close to her as possible and setting her takeout in front of her.

It was warm Belgium waffles, covered in syrup and fruit.

“I have to get up to get drinks. Promise I’ll be back.”

She pouted, but gave a nod and began to eat her food. He couldn’t help but find her adorable even now.

Feitan set a glass of juice down on the table, sipping on his own cup of coffee.

“Aren’t you going to eat, Fei?”

The man shrugged. “Not hungry. Will just eat something from the fridge.”

She nodded and continued munching, her tears drying up as she enjoyed her food. It was good, she wondered where he’d got it from.

After she finished, she had Feitan follow her. “I’m sorry… I just feel better when you’re near me.”

He didn’t reply, sitting on her bed as she picked out her outfit for the day. Although she was feeling better, he could sense she wasn’t back to her normal just yet.

“Fei?”

He hummed in response.

“Can you wait in the bathroom while I shower?”

Feitan blinked at her, tilting his head in confusion.

“Why?”

“…”

She didn’t have to answer, her expression told him everything.

“Alright. Go get in, call me when ready.”

She nodded and ran out, nearly slipping on the rug in the hallway. He shook his head, holding back a laugh.

Feitan was just glad she was starting to feel better. Seeing her look so terrified was awful. It made him want to vomit when she sobbed into his chest. Just knowing what happened to her made his blood boil.

“Fei, I’m ready!”

He got up and walked into the bathroom, sitting on the counter. “I’m here. Continue your shower.”

She giggled from behind the curtain. “Try not to peek.”

Feitan rolled his eyes. “In your dreams.”

Suddenly, (Name) peeked her head out of the shower and stared at him with a frown.

“In my dreams? Fei you sleep talk.”

That was enough to make his face go red. “Wh-what?”

She bursted out laughing, her wet hair sticking to her face.

“Pfft, I’m just joking around. What do you dream about? I bet it’s perverted-“

He threw a towel at her, causing her to shrink back behind the curtain.

“Just shower, damn it.”

———————

“Feiii~ can you hand me my towel?”

He groaned as he slipped off the sink and grabbed her towel, holding it out for her to snatch behind the shower curtain.

As he turned to leave, the shower curtain flung open, (Name) stepping out.

“Fei, don’t leave. You said you’d stay.”

His eyes darted from her barely covered cleavage, to the slip in the towel that completely exposed her left side, to her pouting lips.

“Please. Just… just turn your head while I get dressed.”

He calmed himself quickly. ‘Do it for her. She’s still sensitive, just turn around and-‘

As he began to turn, she let her towel drop onto the floor, quickly picking up her shirt and pulling it on over her head.

In that split second, Feitan saw everything.

Everything.

Every. Last. Thing.

It was all he could do to not turn back around and pounce on her. He listened to the sound of her getting dressed, his heart racing.

All the blood in his body was rushing to a certain part of him.

“I’m dressed.”

Feitan didn’t turn around.

“Fei?”

“Go, have to use the bathroom.”

She huffed, but left. Feitan rubbed his temple, sighing heavily.

‘Just a naked woman. Seen several, not a big deal.’

He attempted to calm himself, but the image of her nude body flashed in his mind again.

‘Fuck…’

He’d have to deal with this and quick. (Name) wouldn’t wait for long.

————————

“Feeeiii, are you almost done?”

She didn’t receive an answer. His absence was starting to make her nervous, so she decided to call one of her friends to keep her company.

Gon and Killua would be busy, Kurapika and Leorio weren’t answering…

That only left one person.

She clicked the man’s name, not caring if she was still mad at him. She couldn’t be alone right now, she at least needed someone to talk to.

“(Name)? Is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me Illumi.”

The man on the other side of the phone smiled, sitting down on the counter of the kitchen he was currently in.

“Is there a reason you’ve called?”

“No, I just wanted to hear your voice.”

That made his eyes widen. She hadn’t been this sweet to him since his outburst months ago.

“Is that so? I’ll talk as long as you need me to then. How have you been?”

She sighed. “Okay. I had a bad day yesterday.”

“Really? What happened?”

The girl bit her lip, her silence concerning the dark haired assassin.

“(Name)? What happened? Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Just a bit… frazzled is all. Physically I’m fine.”

He relaxed slightly, still not completely convinced. “I see. Are you enjoying your time in York New?”

“Yes! I’ve been having an amazing time with my friend. He’s been here for me when I needed him. I love him so much!”

Illumi went quiet for a moment. He felt jealousy bubble up in his chest, but calmed himself.

‘She called to hear YOUR voice. She wanted to talk to you, and you alone. Don’t forge that.’

“That’s nice. I can’t wait to see you. I’ve… missed you.”

(Name) held onto her phone tightly.

“I… I miss you too. When we meet up, we’ll talk through everything, okay? I… I don’t want to be upset with you.”

“I don’t want you to be upset either, (Name). You’re…”

He paused. Why couldn’t he get the words out? Why couldn’t he tell her just how important she was to him.

“I’m what?”

Illumi bit his lip. “You’re my best friend.”

“Aww. You’re one of my best friends too.”

‘One of?’

He decided to ignore that comment, his head swiveling to the left when he heard footsteps approaching.

“Sorry, I have to go. Work.”

She sighed. “Alright. Be safe, love you.”

Illumi stared down at his phone for a moment, a deep frown on his face. Even though he wanted to say it back more than anything, he couldn’t.

“Take care.”

Click.

(Name) plopped down on the couch, setting her phone on the table next to it.

“Who were you talking to?”

Feitan stood behind her, his cheeks slightly flushed and his eyes narrowed.

“Oh, a friend.”

Feitan sat beside her, his arm wrapping around the back of the couch. “Said ‘Love you’.”

“Yeah, I say I love you to all of my friends.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Not just to me?”

(Name) gasped. “Aww, Fei! I’m sorry, but no, I say it to everyone.”

She leaned against his shoulder.

“I do love you though. Sooo much.”

It almost hurt, how much his heart raced with her words. The girl leaning against his shoulder had so much love to give, even after everything that had happened to her.

“I…”

He couldn’t say it back. It was difficult, not coming as easy to him as it did to her. A declaration of love could be the nail in their relationship’s coffin.

When Feitan loved, he loved hard. With his teeth and his claws, he’d hold onto the object of his affection like a wild dog would it’s prey.

“It’s okay, Fei. You know I don’t mind if you can’t say it back. I know you care about me. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be here.”

She kissed his shoulder, showing how comfortable she was in his presence. She trusted him enough to not hurt her, to relax and close her eyes as she lay against him.

She smelled sweet, like fresh fruit. He’d never get used to her soft scent. It was soothing, like nothing he’d ever experienced before.

‘One day, I’ll show her how much I love her. With every part of me.’

He ran his hand over her hair, careful to not pull any of it. She sighed in contentment, enjoying this soft moment with her usually cold and calloused friend.

They were interrupted by Feitan’s phone buzzing from his pocket.

He opened his phone.

“What?”

“Oh, you finally answer. I’ve been trying to call you all night, Fei.”

Shalnark chuckled into the phone. “I guess you’ve been too busy with your little lady.”

Feitan glanced at the girl next to him, who was watching a random program on TV.

“Shut it. What you want?”

“Rude! I just wanted to tell you we found Uvo. We’re currently looking for the chain user.”

“He want revenge?”

“Duh.”

This caused Feitan to chuckle. “Of course. Anything else.”

“Mmm, no. Just be back tonight. The boss wants to go over his plans.”

Feitan sighed, petting (Name)’s head again.

“Alright. Bringing (Name).”

“Haha, figured. You know, Chrollo seems to think she should join us. What are your thoughts on that?”

“Don’t think she should. Not a fighter.”

Shalnark hummed. “Maybe, but we haven’t seen her skills in that department yet. She was trained by an assassin, right? She’s got to have some kind of strength.”

Feitan glanced down at her again, the girl now staring up at him.

“Is that Shalnark? Tell him I said hi!”

Feitan huffed. “She says hi.”

The blonde giggled. “Oh, tell her I said hello as well. Oh? Is that the- okay. Okay. Fei, I’ve got to go!”

“Be careful.”

Shalnark paused. He didn’t often hear Feitan say things like that.

“We will. Bye bye!”

Feitan hung up, playing his phone back in his pocket.

“Did he say anything about Uvo?”

“Yeah. Found him.”

(Name) let out a relieved sigh. “Oh, good. Can we see him?”

Feitan shook his head. “He’s out for revenge. Don’t know when he’ll return.”

“Revenge? That sounds like a bad idea.”

Feitan shrugged, pulling her back against him. “His life, he wants revenge, he gets it.”

She pouted up at him. “Well it might be his life, it that won’t stop me from worrying about him.”

His eyes softened slightly, but he flicked her forehead so she wouldn’t notice.

“Shouldn’t worry. He’s strong.”

“Even strong people can be taken down with the right ability. He’s an enhancer, so he’d be weak to a conjurer or manipulator.”

Feitan groaned. “Maybe, but Uvo is smart. A little cocky, but not dumb. Can handle himself.”

(Name) sighed. “I hope you’re right. I don’t want him to get hurt.”

The two stayed in a comfortable silence as she watched TV, and he thought about Uvogin.

‘He’ll be okay. Has to be.’

———————

The day was spent in (Name)’s condo, the two only leaving to pick up lunch before returning. He had to admit, her clinginess wasn’t bothering him as much as it would of if she were anyone else.

In fact, he enjoyed the close proximity to her.

“Fei, when are we leaving?”

He looked at the clock.

“About an hour. Pick up dinner on the way.”

(Name) hummed from her seat on the couch, snacking on some fruit she’d cut up.

“Stop snacking, ruin your appetite.”

(Name) stopped, dropping the strawberry she’d been about to eat back into the bowl. “Oh, you’re right. Do you want any before I put this in the fridge?”

He shook his head. (Name) had been slowly recovering through the day, to the point she could go a few minutes without Feitan in sight. But once those minutes were up, she’d start getting anxious.

It worried him. He’d probably have to leave her home in the coming nights. Would she be healed enough to sleep in the bed alone when he did?

(Name) placed the bowl in the fridge, closing it after.

“I need to figure out something to wear. Something warm, but can move in.”

(Name) motioned for Feitan to follow her, the man standing and following instantly.

‘Look at me, following after a girl. They’d tease me for it.’

Feitan sat on (Name)’s bed as she pulled out items of clothing.

“Too short. Not flexible enough. You kidding? You freeze in that.”

He shot down almost every item of clothing until she pulled out an oversized hoodie and skirt combo.

“… wear pants under skirt. Should be fine.”

“Do you mean like… leggings? That should keep me warm!”

(Name) shooed him out of the room so she could change. He waited close by. If he didn’t, she’d go looking for him with a scared look on her face, and he hated to see her like that.

“Fei, how do I look?”

It was such a simple outfit. Just a pink cow print hoodie with a white skirt, and black tights, but he liked it. A lot. Something about the way her hoodie neatly hid the fact she had a skirt on at all made him… feral.

“Looks… looks good.”

He pulled the hoodie over her head. “Good for blocking face. In case people come.”

(Name) swatted at his hands. “Hey, I can’t see!”

He let go of her hoodie, snickering to himself.

“Ok, princess.”

When she pulled back her good, his eyes widened ever so slightly.

She was flustered.

“Princess? That’s new…”

The air felt different, the girl unable to meet his eye. It was a similar reaction to when he’d called her his good girl in the car earlier.

“Hmm? You like it?”

He didn’t hide the slight husky nature of his voice. Her reaction was causing a reaction in him. Feitan pushed further, his hand slipping to her hip.

“I…”

(Name) pulled away and hid her face.

“I don’t mind it.”

Feitan smirked, leaning in close to her ear.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

(Name) spent the rest of the hour peeking at Feitan from behind corners and running away when he’d spot her.

‘Like a puppy. Cute.’

When it was time to go, the two walked out of her apartment hand in hand. Although she needed his touch, the touch of anyone else made her wince.

Because of this, Feitan expanded his aura to cover the two. People subconsciously avoided entering his aura, allowing the two to have a decent space around them even in the busiest of crowds.

“What you want for dinner?”

She shrugged. “You can pick.”

Feitan shot towards the nearest restaurant.

——————

After a quick dinner, the two walked out to the edge of town towards their hideout.

“Want me to carry you? Long way.”

She shook her head, sipping on the lemonade she’d brought with her. “No, I’m fine. I walked all the way here the first time, you know.”

“Yeah but…”

He glanced at her face, seeing the dark circles under her eyes.

They’d been getting home late and waking up early. It would cause at least a little strain on a normal person.

“But nothing! I’m a big girl, I can handle it.”

She grabbed his hand and pulled him along, the backpack she wore bouncing along.

Feitan rolled his eyes, but didn’t pull his hand away. He never could, when it was her.

When they arrived, Pakunoda and Shalnark were waiting outside. Feitan let go of her hand when he spotted them, stuffing it into his pocket.

“Fei, (Name), you’re here!”

Shalnark jogged up to them, waving as he did. (Name) excitedly ran towards him, jumping up to wrap her arms around his neck.

“Shalnark! Thanks for holding my hair while I threw up yesterday, and sorry for crying all over your shirt.”

She gave him a quick peck on the cheek before pulling away.

It was like time slowed down as she was pulling back from the friendly kiss.

Shalnark began to turn red, and she could hear someone approaching them from behind.

A hand was wrapped around her waist so tightly she squeaked, the girl being pulled back into someone’s arms and thrown over their shoulder.

“…”

Feitan stared up at the blonde with narrowed eyes, holding (Name) over his shoulder like she was a sack of potatoes.

“Hey, don’t look at me like that! She’s the one that-“

Feitan didn’t stick around to listen, carrying her into the hideout.

Pakunoda watched this play out with an amused look in her eye.

“Didn’t know he was the jealous type. It’s cute, really.”

“Yeah, cute when it’s not directed at you.”

Shalnark touched his cheek, his eyes soft.

“She’s really nice. I can see why he likes he so much. Fei’s always had a soft spot for sweet things.”

Pakunoda glanced at him from the corner of his eyes. “Do you…”

Shalnark shook his head. “No, I…”

He let his hand drop to his side, giving her a smile. “We should get inside before the boss comes to drag us in!”

Pakunoda nodded. “You’re right.”

———————

(Name) pouted from he seat in Feitan’s lap, flustered and embarrassed. Ever since she’d kissed Shalnark’s cheek earlier, he refused to talk to her.

“Fei, let me go. They’re looking…”

A few of the spiders had been glancing in the pair’s direction, but quickly looked away when Feitan sent them a glare.

“No. Can’t be trusted.”

“Why?”

“Why? Kiss people, that’s why.”

(Name) gasped and turned around so she was straddling him.

“What are you, my dad? I can kiss whoever I want. How many times have I kissed your cheek?”

He stared up at her, his grip on her hips tightening.

“Not enough.”

She tilted her head. “Are you… jealous- hey!”

She was sent sprawling on the floor when Feitan pushed her off his lap.

“Stupid girl. Why would I be jealous?”

She stared at him from the ground for a moment, then poured. “I guess there’s no reason to be jealous, if you don’t like me.”

(Name) scrambled to her feet before storming off to join Pakunoda on the other side of the room.

“Wow, she’s mad!”

Shalnark plopped down beside Feitan, watching as (Name) and Pakunoda chatted amongst each other.

“She’ll get over it. Not jealous.”

The blonde tilted his head. “Is that so? Then you don’t mind if I return her kiss?”

Feitan’s hand shot forward to grab Shalnark’s wrist.

“Don’t.”

Shalnark gave him a smile. “Why not? Is she your girlfriend or something?”

“She’s mine. That’s what she is.”

Feitan squeezed his wrist before letting go and walking towards Pakunoda and (Name).

Shalnark giggled to himself, bringing his bruised wrist to his face. ‘Oh he is SO jealous. Paku was right, it is kind of cute.’

(Name) turned when she felt a familiar presence behind her.

“Fei? Do you want something?”

The dark haired man pulled on her sleeve. She allowed him to tug her away from Pakunoda, waving goodbye.

“Sorry.”

(Name) blinked. “It’s alright.”

He never apologized for anything, especially when it was a reaction to her teasing. (Name) leaned forward and placed a few kisses on his face.

“Was that enough kisses?”

He didn’t answer, continuing to pull her away as his cheeks turned red under his coat.

‘Never enough.’

—————

Chrollo cleared his throat, getting the attention of the entire Troupe.

“A chain user? He’s either a Manipulator or a Conjurer. Uvogin is a dominant fighter. But in a one-on-one fight, he is most vulnerable to those two categories.”

(Name) bit her lip. It was the exact thing she’d been worried about.

“Many Conjurer give special powers to the things they create. Some of those abilities could render Uvo helpless. And a Manipulator could manipulate Uvo himself.”

Shalnark cursed. “I should have tagged along! Damn!”

“If he fails to return by dawn, there will be a change in plans.”

(Name) held onto Feitan’s sleeve, trying not to cry.

‘He’ll be back. Like they said, Uvo is strong.’

Feitan turned and slipped his hand into hers. “Try not to worry. Will only make you upset.”

The man said that, but he too was beginning to worry. Uvogin was strong, yeah, but he never took this long to complete a mission.

“Oh (Name)!”

Hisoka jumped down from his ledge, approaching the pair slowly.

“What you want?” Feitan asked, pushing the girl behind him. Shalnark watched from close by.

“Oh, I just wanted to tell her that I saw one of her friends.”

(Name) perked up, peeking over Feitan’s shoulder. “One of my friends? Which one?”

He smiled a placed a finger over his lips. “The blonde.”

(Name) knew what his gesture meant. She shouldn’t say the name of her friends, at least Hisoka thought she shouldn’t. Feitan seemed to stiffen at the mention of her blonde friend.

‘The one she likes?’

“Oh, really? Does it seem like he’s been eating well? I’ve been worried about him.”

Hisoka shrugged. “I guess you could say that. He doesn’t look any different from the hunter exam.”

Feitan’s grip on (Name)’s arm tightened slightly. “That all you have to say?”

The magician chuckled. “No, of course not. I also wanted to ask a question.”

(Name) tilted her head, jumping back when she felt Hisoka’s aura turn murderous.

“Would you like to fight me, (Name)?”

[ynit-a]

𝐎𝐑𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐂 𝟔 | jkk

orphic | jjk x m!oc

𝟔 | 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐋

"How are you going to get there? Something always there at the back of my mind

The air in the room was cold, though not unpleasantly so. Soren opened his eyes, but his vision was still somewhat blurry. He blinked a few times, trying to get his bearings. He was in a strange bed, surrounded by white walls and a sterile smell he had only ever smelled in hospitals. His mind was slow to process what was happening. Where was he? The last thing he remembered was that deformed, terrifying creature that had confronted him in the darkness.

Panic began to set in. His heart raced as he tried to remember more. Fuzzy images of what had happened flashed through his mind. The feeling of helplessness, the overwhelming fear, and then… a white, fuzzy figure had appeared before everything went dark. Had he died? Was he in limbo?

His breathing became labored. He looked around, searching for something familiar, but there was nothing. He sat up quickly, feeling a stabbing pain in his chest and head, as if his entire body had been crushed and then rebuilt. The sensation was strange, and what disturbed him the most was the energy that seemed to boil inside him, as if his body was about to explode. He had never felt anything like that.

Suddenly, the door opened. A dark-haired woman entered, with a calm and professional demeanor, she seemed to be watching him closely, as if she was waiting for something.

—Where am I?— Soren asked, her voice trembling with anguish. Her eyes, tired and adorned with dark circles, scanned him, making the boy shrink a little, avoiding her gaze a little nervously; the woman was wearing a white doctor's coat, with a cigarette sticking out of her pocket. —At the Tokyo School of Sorcery Hospital,— the woman answered in a neutral tone, without a hint of emotion.

The words "sorcery school" barely echoed in his mind, but immediately sounded strange to him. Sorcery? What the hell does that mean? The word didn't fit with anything he knew. Like Harry Potter? —School of… what?— Soren asked, feeling his panic begin to rise. His hands shook slightly, and the pain in his head intensified.

—Jujutsu,— the woman answered, whose name Soren still didn’t know, but who watched his every move with an almost disturbing calm. “We found you after you faced a special-grade curse. You’ve been here for two days.

Two days. Soren felt the world spinning around him. Two days, during which he had been unconscious in a place he didn’t know, with people he didn’t understand. Everything he had lived until that moment, what he believed to be real, was crumbling into fragments he couldn’t put together.

—What’s going on?— he stammered, clenching his fists. Something inside him was boiling, like a dense, unknown energy that he couldn’t control.

The woman offered no comfort. She seemed more interested in what was happening around her, and then Soren noticed something strange was happening. The air in the room felt heavy, almost electric. That same sensation was centered on his own body, as if the space around him was warping. His cursed energy, though he didn't understand it at the moment, was out of control, escaping from him like a flooded river.

— What's happening to me?— he screamed, putting his hands to his head. The pain was unbearable, but what terrified him most was this feeling of having no control over himself, over what was around him.

The woman, still expressionless, gave him a quick glance, and began to speak in a brusque, almost annoyed tone. —You're experiencing a spike of cursed energy,— she said, as if it were something obvious. —Nothing strange, considering what happened to you.

Soren tried to process the doctor's words, but his brain simply couldn't keep up. Cursed energy? What did that mean?

—Calm down,— the woman ordered, her tone firmer. —If you don’t control your energy, you could end up hurting yourself. Or worse, hurting someone else.

Soren didn’t understand what was happening, but seeing her look, he understood that there was something about him, something he couldn’t control and that the others seemed to understand. The energy around him continued to grow, accumulating in waves that left him breathless, but fear ended up exhausting him. His body, too weak after the confrontation, began to give way.

—That’s enough,— the woman said, almost annoyed, and before Soren could ask another question, he felt a prick in his arm. Everything went dark again, and the noise in his head finally stopped.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

Gojo appeared at the door a couple of hours later. The white-haired, carefree man looked around the room with a slight smile on his lips. There was Shoko, waiting for his arrival, leaning against the wall, not taking her eyes off Soren's unconscious body.

—Did he wake up?— Gojo asked, walking over to the bed, still smiling at the smile he always carried with him.

—Yes— Shoko replied, his tone dry and direct.—He panicked. His cursed energy was out of control. It was quite… intense, for someone who has never manifested abilities before.

Gojo raised an eyebrow, intrigued. —Intense, huh? It seems the boy has more potential than I thought.

Shoko nodded, though not looking too surprised. She had seen similar cases before, though what really caught her attention was the amount of energy Soren had released without even trying. If she hadn't sedated him, he could have destroyed the entire room. —I left him a couple of sweets for when he wakes up,— Gojo said, placing a bag of candy on the table next to the bed. —Something tells me he’ll need some sugar to process all this.

Shoko sighed, accustomed to her colleague’s eccentricities. —You should talk to him,— Shoko commented. —He has too many questions, and I’m not the one to answer them.

Gojo nodded, and after one last glance at Soren, he left the room with his usual relaxed gait.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

That night, as Soren slept soundly, he began to dream. In his dream, he was surrounded by darkness, but within that darkness he could see something else. Strings, long and bright, flowing around his body, connecting to each other like an invisible web of power. He could feel them, he could touch them, but he couldn’t understand what they meant.

What are you? he asked in the dream, his voice echoing in the void.

There was no answer. But one thing was clear: those strings, that energy, were part of him. And somehow, something was trying to tell him that his destiny was intertwined with them, even if he didn't yet understand how.

This story with more graphics is on wattpad, go check it out if you want!

Alr alr, I'm getting excited about this whole thing (so excited I already have chapters that form the act 3)

Wattpad: ynit_a

BACK TO THE ACT PREV NEXT

[icyg4l]

PAC: Messages from Your Deceased Queer Loved One

Hello beautiful people! Happy Pride Month! This month has come to an end quickly, but we live on forever! I wanted to dedicate this reading to the people we have lost in the LGBTQ+ community to violence, suicide, illnesses and more. They deserve to live long lives without disruption. As the small pieces of progress rise, there comes more regression which is why it is important to emphasize the safety of queer people everywhere. Any queer person you have felt a personal connection to will be sought out for insight through my True Heart Tarot Deck. Rest in peace to the beautiful angels that have suffered on this Earth. Let’s hope that they have a peaceful afterlife. 

Before I make my temporary departure from this community, I feel that it is important for me to give you guys a proper goodbye. I will drop a couple more PACs before this month ends. But I want to remind you all that I have a Five Dollar Friday Sale coming on this Friday! If you are interested in my sale, please refer to my guidelines. Remember, if you have more than one question, that is an additional $5. I will get to you in a timely manner. But without further ado, please choose the iconic queer film still that you feel most connected to. 🫶🫶🫶

Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (1-4)

TW// mentions of familial abuse, violence, suicide, addiction, illness.

Pile One: Hello, Pile One. Your loved one wants you to know that you do not need to be living the fast life. I feel like I am talking to people who feel like they need to grow up fast. Something significant could have happened to you when you were sixteen or to your deceased loved one. You still have time, there is no need to rush the process. I feel like your loved one passed due to an overdose or because they succumbed to HIV/AIDS. They want you to learn from what they have been through. You do not have to fit in with what the crowd is doing. Be careful when you are out with certain people this weekend. Everyone does not have the best intentions for you. It feels like you need to clean house. Your circle does not seem mature enough to understand the transformation you are about to undergo. You are being protected, specifically by a younger person on the other side. This person passed away about 10-15 years ago. Maybe even longer. They want you to start acting like you care about your life. Let’s change our ways for the better, shall we? This may go unheard until a later time, when you really need to hear it but you will get the message. 

Cards Used: King of Swords, 8 of Wands, The Empress, The Moon, 2 of Discs.

Pile Two: This pile feels very heavy in comparison to the last pile. Pile Two, this death feels very recent, like within the last year or so. This also has some romantic undertones. This could have been your partner, or a friend that you never confessed your true feelings for. This person could have expressed suicidal ideations to you. They admire the way that you took care of them while they were depressed. You took them out of their comfort zone and introduced them to a new life. I am channeling the movie ‘Perks of Being a Wallflower’. I think this person left you with a lot of questions when you died. But they want you to know that you did all that you could. There is nothing that you could have done to turn back the hands of time. What’s done is done. They don’t want you to become obsessive over their spirit, but celebrate all that they’ve done and accomplished thus far. Don’t try to save everyone because everyone doesn’t need to be saved. You will never fully heal from this trauma but you will get closure. It feels like you need to move far away from where you are. It brings up too much drama and bad memories. You deserve to be in a place where you feel safe and grounded, even if it means making the move alone. Focus on moving forward from now. They will always have love for you, even in the afterlife. Even if you move on. In fact, when you start dating someone, they will pull the strings behind the scenes for the union to form. 

Cards Used: The Hermit, 3 of Cups, Ace of Discs, The Empress, The World, 2 of Wands. 

Pile Three: Hello, Pile Three! This is exactly who you think it is. If you have been smelling certain scents or have seen things randomly fall, then this is definitely for you. This feels like a cousin or a sibling. I feel like you found out some stuff about this person after they died and it shocked you. “Well, what now?”, they ask. Are you going to look at them differently? I feel like they had a bit of a reputation, but they’re highly misunderstood. They want you to focus on making peace with who they were. Don’t try to justify their mistakes/choices. It is what it is. Instead, focus on more important things like attaining your goals in the physical realm. Some of you may be in the gym using it as a coping mechanism. Make a goal so that you can beat your PR. Something about your childhood is significant here. Unfortunately, I feel like some of you were victimized as a child by this person and because of that, you don’t know how to view this person through an objective lens. It makes you feel guilty because you feel like you should be focused on the good stuff. You have a complicated relationship with this person, even after death. I am channeling this book called ‘All Boys Aren’t Blue’. The author opens up about an inappropriate relationship he had with his cousin and he addresses his cousin with respect, but still holds him accountable for taking advantage of him. For others of you, I feel like this person is sorry for exposing you to the wrong crowd. I heard “the secret is out”. At some point in their life, they stopped caring about themselves and in return, this affected those around them. They want you to find room in your heart to forgive them. It will be a long and complicated journey, but they have hope. 

Cards Used: 6 of Cups (RX), Temperance, The Moon (RX), 7 of Swords, The High Priestess, Justice, The Star. 

Pile Four: Pile Four, your loved one does not want you to keep up with appearances. Be as true to yourself as you should be. Not all of us have the privilege of being able to come out and be ourselves. Some of us have to blend in and be like everyone else because that’s what we have to do to keep ourselves safe. If you suspect that anyone was in the closet in your family (immediate family to be exact), then you were right. This person was family oriented, so they chose to stay silent about their identity. Plus, it’s no one’s business. But once again, this was not a choice. They feared being exposed or treated as an outsider. But they see what you are doing and they want you to keep doing it. Keep making friends with other queer folks. Go to pride events. You may find members of your chosen family there. You are a bit naive right now, so you might not understand the full complexities of what they’ve gone through. They understand that you could be upset with them but keep the family close. Do not isolate yourself; even if it means talking to two family members, please keep in contact. It feels like this person was a bit of a mystery. So, you should ask about their history. Get in contact with people who were close with them and get to the bottom of their story. They want you to make an altar for them, so you can connect with them. It will make all the difference in the world, love. 

Cards Used: 10 of Cups, Judgment, The Hierophant, The High Priestess, 10 of Discs, 7 of Wands (RX)

[embeanwrites]

Yours & Mine - Hunter x Reader

Clone Fic Gift Exchange

Prompt: “I’m yours and you are mine” with Hunter (with a mention of “don’t go far from me”) 

A/N: Here’s my piece for the @cloneficgiftexchange! I’m so nervous to write/post this since @photogirl894 is one of my favorite authors here on Tumblr, so to write a piece for them, I was NERVOUS! I hope you enjoy this 🥺 Special thank you to @kakyoweeniesdump and @pinkiemme for editing and feedback! (I’ll post this to AO3 once I get home from Star Wars Celebration!) 

Word count: 2047

Some days Hunter couldn’t believe his luck. To have his squad. To have Omega. To have her. He was created in a lab on a rainy planet, meant to die in a war he was created for, to serve a master he had no control over, and now his life has done almost a total 180. After retiring from working with Cid, the group had decided to settle down on a little planet in the Outer Rim that Rex had found and had been helping clones resettle who were tired of fighting away from the Empire. Between all of them, they had been able to make a fairly sustainable home. For the first time in their lives, they had the true freedom to choose. 

Omega was able to go to school and make friends, something she thoroughly loved. She was frequently up before the boys in the morning, ready to go. Hunter thought the excitement would wear off, but as she entered her 60th rotation of school she still seemed to find wonder in school every day. Tech had gotten a job with a local mechanic shop after he had fixed some farming equipment for a farm nearby in record time. Wrecker had been loving helping some of the local farms with their animals and taking care of the livestock, he had been in the process of trying to convince Hunter that they needed some cattle for their farm, but Hunter wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with the smell every day. Hunter had found himself helping the townspeople with hunting and tracking and somehow, teaching some of the younger kids how to survive in the woods nearby. And unsurprising to Hunter their medic had quickly settled into helping with the local clinic. 

Hunter had been very well aware of his feelings for her before the group had settled down, but with them always on the run from the Empire, he had no desire to tie her in with their group in any way that could get her hurt or worse. He tried pushing her away or at the very least get her to understand the danger she would be in by running with them. Cid had essentially forced them to have a real medic join the crew after too many missions had gone sideways due to injuries. It wasn’t that he was ungrateful to have a medic with knowledge that wasn’t learned from the holonet five minutes before putting it into practice like Tech used to do, but Hunter felt weird about any civilian traveling with them. The team warmed up to her quickly, especially Omega, and it was shortly after she had gone out of her way to get colorful band-aids for Omega did Hunter allow himself to start to give in to these feelings. The warm feeling her smile and gentle touches gave him kept him up at night, thoughts of her would circle his mind and on the rare occasion, he’d allow himself to think of a peaceful future with her. 

He thought he hid his feelings well. 

He did not.

It was clear to everyone, including her, almost immediately that his feelings for the medic were stronger than just another crew member. He frequently tried to push his feelings away, denying them or not even affording himself to indulge in them, but she had none of it. Every idea to dissuade her from a relationship with him seemed to do nothing but persuade her more. She reminded him almost daily of her own feelings, either intentionally or unintentionally, until he let his heart thaw out. She loved him unconditionally and he couldn’t help falling for her deeply and wholeheartedly. 

Hunter still remembered the moment he decided that it was time to take that chance with her. When she had finally convinced him it was worth it. She had just patched up Wrecker and had been softly arguing with Tech that he needed more rest when she had sat next to him on his bunk, surprising him. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened out there?” She asked him softly and he fought back a sigh. 

“Nothing happened out there.” He replied, going back to sharpening his vibro blade, avoiding eye contact. 

“Oh really?” She taunted. “Was it not you, pulling you behind me in the middle of the mission saying ‘don’t go far from me’?” He clenched and unclenched his jaw, he knew this had been coming and that she wouldn’t let this go. 

“That wasn’t-” He tried. 

“Hunter, how long are we going to dance around this?” She muttered, he could hear her heart pounding and the frustration in her words, he felt his hands grow clammy. This was a conversation that had long been coming. “It’s not fair to either of us. Why aren’t you letting yourself be happy? What are you so scared of?” He slowly sheathed his blade and turned to face her, not allowing himself to look her in the face just yet. 

“What if I fail and lose you.” He finally muttered, feeling as if a tank was sitting on his chest. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost any of the squad, but you? Darling, I don’t think I could come back from that.” He groaned and dropped his head in his hands, hunched over in embarrassment and frustration. 

“But Hunter-” Her voice raising, ever so slightly. 

“How do you not understand that I’m doing this for you!” He dropped his hands and looked at her from the corner of his eye, unable to face her fully. “I don’t ever want you to hurt, don’t ever want to see you in pain, and the odds of me living through the Empire? Living through dealing with Cid’s missions? Not great. All I want is to see you happy, and I’d love for you to be happy with me, but that will no doubt be brief and I can’t leave you hurting without being there to help.” He looked away, not eager to see her face when she responded. 

“Well that’s very morbid and a bit arrogant.” She snorted. Hunter turned to face her scowling, ready to retort. “But even more infantilizing. If anything happened to either one of us, not just you, I think we would both grieve, but never take for granted any of the time we shared, or the care we had for each other. I’m not so fragile that your loss would break me, sure it would hurt, and I’d be heartbroken, but I have more respect for you, your memory, and for myself than to let that misery take hold forever, and I think you are stronger than that too.” She grabbed his hands, pulling him to face her. “You are letting fear keep you from living, and there is a lot of that to do outside of the war. You can be afraid, but don’t be a coward. Bravery isn’t the opposite of fear, it’s being afraid, but going for it anyway. You’re so brave out there, be brave here, with me.” She smiled, small and hopeful, but her eyes never left his, steely and determined to sway him. “And you know your brothers won’t stop giving you shit if you-“ he cut her off, his hand holding her cheek, thumb pressed against the apple, roving over her cheekbone. He was a breath away from her, his nose brushing against hers, watching her closely, waiting for her to push him away. He knew she wouldn’t push him away, not after that speech, not after everything, but some part of him still wanted to run, wanted her to run. But running wasn’t her and he was tired of trying to fight off his feelings. 

“Are you gonna kiss me or not, Sarge-“ and cutting her off once more his lips were on hers, and it was everything she’d wanted for months. 

She was so soft against him, it was startling how right she felt in his arms, but when her lips demanded more from him, pressing back harder and forcing what a sweet, chaste gesture to a passionate embrace one he knew she was anything but. He broke their kiss, moving back a hair's breadth to look at her. He was mesmerized by the way her eyes fluttered open, her mouth slightly agape and flushed. 

“You won’t take no for an answer, will you darlin’?” He chuckled, his hand ghosting down her face to grasp her jaw. 

“Absolutely not.” She smirked, then her hand weaved into his hair and pulled him in for another kiss. And that was that, she made no room for any further argument between them.

And that kiss is what led the two of them to now, roughly one standard cycle (and many kisses) later in their very own home. The two of them were currently lying on a soft rug in front of their fireplace, fully clothed and just enjoying the ability to have some serenity near each other. The night was quiet and having her so close made Hunter feel more warmth than any heat the fire could provide. He willed himself to hear her soft heartbeat, to smell the gentle shampoo she used in her hair, the feel of his hands on her cheek. He wanted so desperately to freeze time and live in this moment forever. 

“Are you okay, my love?” Her soft voice interrupted his thoughts. He let out a gentle sigh as he looked over at her face, ever caring and ever wondering about his well-being over her own. 

“I was just thinking about everything we had to go through to get here.” He murmured, she gave him a small smile, knowing the pain the entire batch went through to get to this peaceful time in their life and it was clear to all of them, even if they didn’t discuss it, that there was still a fear in each of them that this life may come to an end abruptly the moment they get too comfortable. “Sometimes I worry I’m going to wake up back in our barracks on Kamino and after everything that’s happened…I just fear that I don’t deserve this.” He closed his eyes as she moved her hand to cup his tattooed cheek, forcing him to look into her eyes. 

“Hunter, honey, of course, you deserve happiness.” She gave him a soft smile before continuing, “Plus I’m not complaining about having an absolute hunk of a man on my arm.” She joked, causing Hunter to let out a slight laugh. 

“I’m glad you find me nice to look at.” He responded, still stuck in his thoughts. 

“Among other things, you know.” She leaned forward and kissed the side of his mouth, his stubble rubbing against her. “I love how kind and protective you are. I always feel so safe when you’re around.” She murmured, moving ever so slightly to kiss his tattooed cheek. “I love when you’re watching Omega and you have this dad pose-”

“Dad pose?” He questioned. 

“You know, the one you do with your hand on your hip and you lean against the wall, watching her with a small smile. You do it all the time, you did it today when she was playing with her friends after school!” She teased while she resumed her soft kisses along his face. “I love that even when we’re out of missions you’re doing everything you can to make sure everyone’s safe. I love when I’m cooking and you come up behind me to hold me. I love-” 

“Alright, alright! I get it, you love me.” He chuckled, face burning bright from all the compliments, so unused to any form of love outside his brothers. 

“But do you know what I love the most?” She asked, moving so she was now on top of him, playfully pinning him.  

“Now, what would that be, sweetheart?” 

“That I’m all yours and you’re all mine.” She responded before leaning down to kiss him. And for once, Hunter allowed himself to relax in this moment, because she was right. While his fear of losing her was still there, he knew that at this time in his life, they had each other and nothing was going to change that.