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themsource · 5 months ago

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Frans, Shipping, and Me

A bit of context before we start.

For those that don’t know: I don’t like shipping myself.

While a majority of my stuff has been and is for the insert enjoyers, I personally don’t like self shipping. It hits on that same nerve that makes me squeak at RPF (real person fiction), it just crosses a line for me. Because those are people with real feelings, and I can’t bring myself to objectify myself or others just for an imagined storyline or scenario. Even when reading it I don't truly insert myself into it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love and have a major crush on a ton of characters, especially Sans and I can ramble all day about what I would do or say in a relationship with him. But actually putting myself in the situation?

No, I can’t do it.

I managed to get one insert art made that I actually paid for myself and… while it did do things for me on both a good and bad level, and felt amazing to have, I wouldn’t do it again.

It felt very personal, like I had been cracked opened and exposed on a level I didn’t want others seeing just for their entertainment or just because there were parts of myself that I wanted to keep just for me.

I had received insert art and writing in the past from very close friends at the time, and while I loved them and they touched me very deeply, there was always a bit of uncomfortableness that came with it. Which is why I only willing accepted insert art with my OC Oreo from people I knew and trusted. But even that was and still is a bit much sometimes, because I’ve had Oreo since I was young, very young, so she’s as close to me as you can get without inserting me directly.

When I write insert, “y/n”, is a character. It makes it easier to write as I have a detachment and can enjoy what happens like watching a tv show or play, I’m just along for the ride with my fingers on the gas pedal. If people connected on a level with “y/n” and were able to see themselves in what I wrote, then that was amazing! That’s what I wanted… to be able to affect people and help them feel or experience things that they couldn’t or wouldn’t want to otherwise in a safe environment: so they could expand their perceptions or thoughts on certain subjects or view a topic in a different light.

My insert writing has always been about helping others explore, and even exploring myself.

I’ve learned so much about myself and how the world works with the stuff I’ve written and drawn, the good, bad, and the ugly. There were things I never dared to try and explore for personal reasons… until I started insert writing, because then it was like bringing a friend along, a friend who couldn’t actually get hurt by going on a journey with me.

A journey that could help both me as a writer and those as a reader to think and reflect, to learn empathy and grow by maybe learning something about yourself you didn’t like or did like, and embracing yourself as a flawed human being just like each one of us are so you can be at peace and live your best life or even to work on yourself if that’s what you were inspired to do.

My insert writing is about learning, and having fun while doing so.

And this all leads into why I love character shipping more.

Characters aren’t real, no matter how many of us might wish that they were. Characters can be objectified, characters can be harmed or loved without committing a wrong against those that really matter, people. There is also yet another distinctive wall of division between a person and a character than there is an insert that makes me more comfortable.

And characters have a solid personality that can be worked with and challenge you as a writer to make work or have fun experimenting to see how they’d react in a certain scene even if it’s in a way you end up disliking.

They’re more limited but so much more versatile.

So when I fall in love with something I fall in love with the characters not the possibility of what I could do in the world.

Characters are what draw me in.

Well, one day I… discovered some interesting fanart of Sans, featuring him and his “light saber”.

And that sparked a curiosity for context.

When I first played Undertale, I had no interest in shipping “the human” with anyone, in fact I had no interest in shipping at all or what have you. Like I said it was like watching a tv show, just something for entertainment.

The message of undertale did touch me deeply though so I did go looking at fanart and stuff as I was at a point in my life where grief was all I felt and Undertale had managed to make me feel something else other than that, but I was also more into Moana at the time. It’s honestly difficult for me to get motivated to create fanworks for something, to just create. I never made anything for Moana, and never made anything for Persona, which I was ADDICTED to at the time.

I had tried making fanfic in my youth but yeah… 14-19 year old me was awful.

And then the pacifist ending happened.

The absolute SHOCK I felt at seeing everyone call the human “Frisk” rather than what I had named them and learning the name we gave was actually Chara’s…. It made me watch replays, made me spend hours looking at everything I could have missed.

And that’s when I started falling for the characters, when I started falling for Sans and then Frisk.

Frisk, this character who had been possessed by “us” in a word, and “us” that was actually another character we just happened to give an identity to in yet another but milder form of possession, all fitted together like Matryoshka dolls.

Do you realize how tragic that is?

Frisk was a puppet… of a puppet… for US.

My heart was stolen as soon as that realization was made. I have a weakness for broken and damaged characters, characters that have gone through hell or have been hurt in ways that people normally don’t come back from… because I love more than anything seeing them bounce back.

Combine that love and sympathy I found in Frisk, with the humor and comfort I found in Sans…

And there you have it: My love of Frans and why it’s my OTP.

That love has only gotten stronger as the years went by.

Another truth I have to share, is I started initially doing insert because I didn’t feel confident enough to portray Frisk right, and character shipping and insert shipping have since drastically evolved into two different things for me with different meanings and reasons for why I do them.

I really gained confidence in my Frans writing once my dear friend Shay introduced me to several broken down and researched articles by nochocolate that showed me exactly what Frisk and Chara’s personalities were like and how they were separated from “the player”.

And I’ve been on a nonstop Frans high ever since, and will be until the day I die. They are my OTP and I will ship them more than any other pairing, even Insert.

I am very much a “ship and let ship” person, and I have and will support people shipping whatever they please, in fact I tend to ship everyone because these characters are just so great you can’t help but find dynamics where they just work no matter the previously established bonds or relationships, and the same goes with good AU derivatives.

But Frisk and Sans were the ones who drew me in and kept me here.

I’ve made jokes and called other ships OTP in a show of support of fellow writers, however frans is it for me. If I was asked what ship’s hill I’d die on in a war, it’s them.

For me, Frans will always come first.

So now we get to what exactly my dynamics are for Frans.

I like portraying Frisk as female, because I am female. I find it easier to write emotions from that perspective than others, and I want people to love Frisk and feel what Frisk is feeling. I have written Frisk as nonbinary and male before, but I feel those pieces weren’t as good as my writing when I had Frisk as female, simply because I’m not actually of those genders. I will take genuine characterization over a subpar attempt at accuracy that undermines the experience the writing is supposed to give you.

I also like writing Sans as strictly male. Can he change his equipment if he pleases? Yes, he’s made of magic after all, but I don’t see him preferring or actively wanting to do that, he’s male and identifies as a man, pure and simple. You’d have to be pretty fucking special for him to honor an equipment swap request.

A bit of a TMI personal note for this too though in why I like this interpretation with Sans the most… is the fact I don’t like vaginas.

I have one, and all I care about is the fact it can make me feel good. It’s not pretty or “looks like a flower”, it’s a hole that’s a direct opening into the body… gross. And no, before anyone starts, I would not feel better with a penis or think I’m trangender in any capacity. I’m a woman and I feel like a woman one hundred percent, I just don’t like that one part of my anatomy.

So while I’m willing to write about one vagina for smut, I’m not comfortable writing about two and creating the image that… two working together would make. Can I write two vaginas in a smut scene sure… if there’s a penis involved. I could even write lesbian sex if I wanted if there’s a dildo, vibrator, hands, or whatever. Just no vagina on vagina action. It’s my preference and for my comfort. I’ve read plenty of fics that include that but I happily ignore it in favor of the plot and interactions.

Anyways…

For me Sans and Frisk…

They are soulmates, they are always meant for each other.

No matter the time, place, ages, personalities, or circumstances, they are always supposed to be together. I may write or make pieces where they’re not soulmates, but they still very much are in my head if that makes sense. This is why I love to indulge in any and all content involving them.

Now do they actually end up together?

That’s a different story. Not all endings are happy ones. But what matters isn’t the ending but the journey. What matters is the time they have together and how they affect one another. What matters is the fact that they met.

Sans could be a complete asshole to Frisk, a deranged psychopath, and Frisk could be as equally messed up with them both going at each other’s throats, or one of them could be a complete sweetheart that suffers in the name of love and hopelessness, or they could even be in a perfect balance where they’re in a healthy relationship filled with compassion and consideration, but in someway, somehow, they will still just work.

Even if it’s not in the way others would hope for.

I personally can write pure healthy fluff, I have before, but what I really like writing about is them struggling to overcome something. I generally like writing like that in the first place.

But with Sans and Frisk…

I always write about change.

What I like most is a Sans who struggles with his emotions, whether that be displaying them or feeling them while hiding behind a calm and collected mask. I like it when he’s carrying that mysterious air about him that makes you question what he’s really thinking or if he really understands what’s been told to him. I like him leaving someone in doubt and constantly on the tips of their toes, before making them laugh with a joke.

And I like Frisk being able to crack that mask, to read through his charade.

She changes him by bringing more of him out from behind the curtain, making him more in tune with his SOUL and even his humanity and all the complications that come with it.

If that’s a good thing or not, depends on the situation and context, but yes always this.

For Frisk, I like her shy and innocent. Someone who’s learning the world at the same time that she’s learning herself, and is forever merciful and forgiving towards those that wrong or hurt her sometimes to her own detriment because she’s just that kind hearted and hopeful for that kindness in others. But as much as she forgives, she certainly doesn’t forget. Frisk remembers and counts the scars she carries.

I enjoy when Sans manages to push her into becoming stronger, to not let herself continue to be silently walked on, and to fight back.

That’s the basis for my work with them.

Sometimes, Sans makes her stronger by pushing her to an edge with abuse until she finally reaches a breaking point and fights with all her strength, and in her rebellion Sans slowly begins to see where he’s gone wrong to have changed her so and gradually becomes kinder, more open as he seeks forgiveness.

Other Times, Frisk sees Sans as nothing more than an empty shell just costing by in life with a false grin on his face and slowly starts overcoming her shyness and reluctance in other to try and help a friend facing down depression, and this slow build of strength and show of kindness is enough to cause Sans to start reacting more honestly to jokes or statements, to dare smile for real even though it hurts to do so.

Then there can be times of bloody revenge - where one becomes stronger to take out the other while the opponent seeks to manipulate their perception on what they knew was right or wrong, and both end up more broken than from when they started, but still irrevocably changed in a positive way that was negative between them.

Times of tragic love not meant to be.

These are just a few scenarios, but with the same theme: change.

And I apply it differently each time depending on the scenario or idea, depending on who is in the wrong or not. The theme can be subtle to the point you have to read between the lines and really think on what’s happening to see it, or it can be really obvious right from the start and is fed to you with every action and word.

Every time I look at Sans and Frisk together no matter who’s portraying them, I see change.

The potential for it.

And that’s what I love most.

So that is how my Frans works, and incidentally, why I love the ship so much.

I will continue to love that ship til the day I die and I will continue to write for frans no matter what, even if I lose interest in all other ships including insert you can bet I will continue to write about the funny skeleton man and the sweet hearted human.

They’re my ultimate power couple.

And if hearing this at all upsets anyone, more so my insert readers who I’ve heard the majority of backlash from since I first came out about my love for frans… (Seriously the DMs and anon hate was unreal - especially the... material I got sent and had to report at one point) Well, let’s just say that If you can’t handle me in my character shipping moods, then you don’t deserve me in my insert shipping moods, sorry.

Like I’ve said before, I love my readers and friends regardless if you agree or disagree with me, including on the ship or ship(s) I make stuff for, you’re allowed that right as people. And no I still won’t love you any less for your thoughts. Because again that’s how we’re supposed to be as people, mature enough to let bygones be.

I’m just saying, frans is life for me, and explaining why that is and always will be.

#undertale #frans #sansxfrisk #shipping #themsource #this was just a personal journal/rant #decided to share it #in a bit of a mood #for those that know this stuff already sorry

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wanderersrest · 5 months ago

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Some More Idle Thoughts on Patlabor!

So I've been sick these past couple of days, which means I haven't been able to work on the Iron-Blooded Orphans post. However, in the time that I was sick, I was able to read through some classic giant robot manga.

Which included Patlabor. And now I have more thoughts about the series and those lovable goofballs of SV2 Division 2. So here are some more of my thoughts on Patlabor.

Nagumo is Different in Every Timeline

I love that SV2 Division 1 Chief Shinobu Nagumo feels like a different character in each timeline. Like the OVA/Movie timeline has her as someone with a checkered past (and that's all from Patlabor 2, by the way), while the TV timeline has her be the more level-headed of the two division chiefs of SV2. Meanwhile, the Manga timeline has her as more of a hothead, though she's later written to be more like her TV anime counterpart. And yet, the core of her character is still there in all three versions: she's the hard-working, more reliable chief of SV2.

The TV Anime Timeline Still Has the Most Rounded Out Cast

Reading through the manga has reinforced my opinion that the TV timeline has the most rounded out cast. And as before, it's due to the fact that the TV anime (and by extension the New Files OVA) are more episodic in nature that they get to flesh out all of the characters. Though when the OVA and manga timelines do dedicate time to specific characters, it tends to be a bit more fleshed out. Great examples of this include how the OVA handles Gotoh or how the manga handles Kumagami and, amusingly enough, the peeps at Schaft Enterprises. But in terms of a rounded cast, both pale in comparison to the TV cast (just think about this: one of my favorite things about the manga is that Shige doesn't show up until closer to the end of the manga, not because I dislike Shige, but just because of how often he shows up in the other entries). None of this matters all that much, as the way Patlabor works in my mind is that a lot of these character traits are shared between timelines, as Patlabor is best enjoyed holistically and not as separate timelines that try to do their own thing.

Except Ota. Ota is Universal

If there is one character who remains the same throughout all three timelines that aren't the forward and backup of Division 2's first unit (that's Izumi and Shinohara, by the way), it's the living embodiment of ACAB himself, Isao Ota. I don't know what it is about SV2's resident gun nut, but he's one of the characters where their personality remains largely unchanged throughout the various entries. Even in Patlabor 2, Ota is still the hot-headed gun nut we know and love.

Granted, there are some nuances with Ota as a character. Famously, the insurance episode in the TV timeline plays on the fact that Ota does try his best not to cause so much destruction and mayhem. And in the case of that episode, it's just bad luck. But more often than not, Ota's hot-headedness tends to get him into more trouble than its worth.

And it's great. It's why Ota's such a lovable gun nut. He may be the living embodiment of ACAB, but he's my living embodiment of ACAB.

Conclusion

Patlabor will always be one of my favorite series out there. I think a big part of that is due to it being one of the first giant robot series I watched that wasn't either Gundam or Gurren Lagann. Like last time, I do think if you ever get the time, you should give the series a shot. Now, hopefully, Patlabor EZY will come out in the next couple of years...

This is a work of fiction, but in ten years? Who knows...

#anime and manga #mecha #patlabor #kidou keisatsu patlabor #mobile police patlabor

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crusherthedoctor · 2 years ago

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Hi crusher I wanted to ask what are your unpopular opinions on the Mario franchise?

I think some people can be too hard on Mario himself. Yeah, he may be very straightforward as a character when compared to several of his castmates, including Luigi, but the sheer volume of demonization he's received over the years makes me feel sorry for him. I like him just fine no matter how simple he is, and I'll always admire the passion Charles Martinet has for him (as well as Luigi, Wario and Waluigi).

Similarly, I think Peach gets too much flack as well. Yeah, it's a shame that most of her roles involve little more than being kidnapped, but that's not her fault, and I think she's a good character when she's allowed to do things. While I'm alright with how she's been portrayed in the upcoming movie so far (mostly; see further below for more details), I was completely unsurprised when everyone reacted to her role as if she had never done anything in her life beyond getting kidnapped before that point. You can always spot the fakers from a mile away; just ask the so-called fans who reacted to the Sonic 2 trailers with "Knuckles is a bad guy??? Why is he working for Eggman???"

I'm indifferent to the Koopalings. Always have been. Don't hate them, but never cared about them either.

Super Mario Land 2 is well liked by all accounts, but I think it might be an unconventional opinion to say it's up there with Super Mario World as my favourite of the 2D Marios. I just really like how unique it is for 2D Mario standards, especially in light of how bland and unoriginal the New Super Mario Bros. games were. Plus, it introduced Wario, who is always epic.

DKC3 is my second favourite in the trilogy after DKC2. DKC3 has admittedly been getting more love in recent years, which I'm really happy to see, but I liked it even when everyone else considered it the weak link of the trilogy. I get why some elements might put some players off, but I think it's just as fun as the first two, and has its own enticing atmosphere.

I'm not a fan of Super Paper Mario, and that includes the story and villains (aside from Dimentio, he's good). For me, it's to Mario what Twinsanity is to Crash: that one game that's honestly pretty flawed in a lot of areas, yet everyone claims is the best of all time while somehow also claiming it to be underrated at the same time.

Conversely, I do like Origami King. This isn't too unpopular an opinion, since I know it does have a lot more fans than Sticker Star and Colour Splash, but naturally it's still a very divisive game. Make no mistake, I would love to see a return to the 64/TTYD formula, but I really do enjoy Origami King in its own right.

Grodus is one of my favourite villains in the series. He's not hated per say, but he tends to get overshadowed by other Mario baddies, including the Shadow Queen from the same game he comes from. And yeah, I know he doesn't get to do a lot compared to others, doesn't have the most colorful personality, and ends up falling into the SA1/Unleashed Eggman trap. But I do think he's underrated, since I enjoy his no-nonsense approach, and he has a pretty badass design. I guess it just annoys me that a lot of fans don't even bother to acknowledge him because they're too busy wanking over the Shadow Queen. As a side-note: for a long time, I always said he was my all-time favourite Mario villain. But in recent years, I realised that as much as I continue to like him, I can't really justify him as my #1 when comparing him "objectively" to the overall showing of other Mario villains, since as mentioned, he didn't get to do an awful lot. He's still up there for me without question, but if I had to say which Mario villain is my true #1 on account of what they actually get to do, that's tied between Fawful and K. Rool. Those two are thankfully beloved, so no need to consider liking them an unpopular opinion. :P

I love Superstar Saga, and I like Cackletta as a villain, but I'm not so keen on the Bowletta twist, as I feel it traded Cackletta's uniqueness in favor of Bowser With Tits. Not to mention it was a rather humiliating moment for Bowser himself.

I like Super Mario RPG, but I prefer Paper Mario and Mario & Luigi in pretty much every way that matters. And while I don't have a problem with the character, I don't quite understand the immense popularity of Geno compared to other RPG-exclusive characters who achieved similar popularity. Like Fawful... or Vivian. <3

I don't have an issue with Bowser being the villain of an RPG as long as they don't pull a Sticker Star with him. The original Paper Mario and Dream Team were able to keep him in-character and did interesting stuff with him, therefore I have no problem with his status in those games.

I'm not losing sleep over its absence, but I'd like to see the Double Dash two-per-kart gimmick make a return in a later Mario Kart, as I think it was a lot of fun. (Double Dash was also my first MK, so y'know...)

Galaxy is a great game that deserves its praise and legacy, but I wouldn't put it in my personal Mario top ten. Not because I have any real issues with it, I just prefer other Mario games is all. With 3D Mario specifically, I prefer the exploration of 64, Odyssey, and yes, even Sunshine despite its numerous flaws and other... interesting qualities. ("MARIO, HOW DARE YOU DISTURB MY FAMILY VACATION")

I'm currently very mixed on the upcoming movie, and not just because it's-a me, Chris Prattio. On one hand, Illumination are certainly putting more effort into it compared to their other movies although I suspect that's because Nintendo is holding them at gunpoint, the little Easter Eggs are nice and clever, the world as presented looks interesting, and Jack Black as Bowser is gonna steal the show. On the other hand - Jack Bowser aside - it's still not really exciting me all that much, I sense that half of the praise it's received is born purely out of dunking on the Sonic movies for not being animated (or, let's face it, because it's Sonic), and even putting Chris Pratt as Mario aside, I'm not feeling some of the other actors. Seth Rogen as Donkey Kong goes without saying because DK did not deserve that fate, but I'm not vibing with Peach's voice either. I know they probably didn't want to emulate her usual squeaky voice, which is understandable, but why not something akin to her 64 voice?

Not to say there aren't any mainline Mario tracks that I love (Dire, Dire Docks fans rise up), but I've noticed that most of my favourite Mario soundtracks as an overall package tend to come from the spinoffs. Particularly from the DKCs, the RPGs, and the Mario Karts.

The Super Mario Bros. Super Show is about as good of a Mario show as SatAM was a Sonic show (read: not very), but I'm less hostile to the former because the Mario universe's earliest years were much more primitive in setup compared to Sonic's earliest, so the Super Show's creative liberties are slightly easier to forgive by comparison... and it's fun to point and laugh at. (Who the fuck would willingly live in a place called Crime Land?)

Bowser's current voice in the games is fine, but I'll always have a soft spot for his N64-era dinosaur roars. I just like the way they sound. :>

#Crusher's Asks #Opinion #Mario

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thisaintascenereviews · 6 months ago

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Wage War - Stigma

Now that the fifth album from Wage War, Stigma, has been out for the last few days, it’s been interesting and frustrating to see the discourse with this album, but it’s not surprising. The discourse that I’ve seen when it comes to Stigma is really from metalcore fanboys that love their first two albums (mind you, they’re from almost a decade ago), and they’re both oddly shocked and angry that they went into a more radio-friendly / Octanecore sound. They’ve been doing that for the past five years, especially with 2019’s Pressure, so I’m surprised people are just now realizing they’ve been doing that. 2021’s Manic was very similar, but had a nu-metalcore influence that was really cool. Manic was actually my favorite Wage War record, but Wage War is a band that I’ve enjoyed for years.

Yeah, Wage War is one of the first modern metalcore bands that got me into the genre again after being so disillusioned by the genre in the early 2010s, and I’ve been a fan of them since. I’ve actually quite enjoyed their pivot into more radio-friendly territory, and Stigma is arguably their most radio-friendly yet. Why do we automatically think it’s a bad thing, though? Wage War has always had a knack for catchy hooks, and they utilize them well here. Honestly, Stigma is one of my favorite albums of the year, especially when I haven’t loved a whole lot of metalcore and heavy music itself throughout 2024.

There’s a lot to like here, whether it’s their knack of catchy hooks being utilized even more so, or their sound being more evolved than ever before. Vocally, these guys are on top, and I’ve always loved both their harsh and clean vocals, but they’re both truly wonderful here. Songs like “Magnetic,” “Blur,” and “Is This How It Ends,” really showcase this. Instrumentally, they’re interesting, too, and it’s evident from opener “The Show’s About Topic Start,” where the band moves into an industrial / Rob Zombie type sound that even has a few danceable beats on the record here and there, but it’s really energetic and a ton of fun.

Some people may be put off by the change in sound, but I welcome it, personally. I love the danceable moments on this record, or the really low vocals that remind me of Korn, but this album still has its fair share of breakdowns and heavier moments. “Tombstone” is one of their best songs, and I’ve seen the argument that this song feels so out of place, but I don’t know about that. I think it helps that this album is so short, at only 31 minutes, it’s a very brief listen. It never feels like it goes on longer than it needs to, and because of its length, it begs for multiple listens, at least not feeling so exhausted after listening to it. It’s not an album I get tired of, and I’ve been enjoying albums like that a lot more lately.

Stigma is easily going to be this band’s most divisive record, and for good reason, because I can see if it doesn’t work for you. The Octanecore sound is in full force here, including some industrial moments, and the “sellout” accusations are sure to follow, but I’m not one to accuse bands of that, or even care. Look, as great as their early albums are, they’re also very generic and by-the-numbers metalcore albums that don’t do anything different or new, whereas their later albums are more interesting and catchier. I really love this record, discourse be damned. It’s a fun metalcore record, what can I say?

#wage war #stigma #pressure #manic #metalcore #metal #rock #heavy metal #Octanecore

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donnabroadway · 11 months ago

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Good man or God man

Not every man is graced to be a Godly husband, just like every woman is not graced to be a wife and mother. I remember when one of my older friends told me not everyone is meant to be married, I nearly panicked and thought of reasons why he was wrong but as is the case with many young people, as I near his age, I realize he was right. Not everyone has the anointing of being a husband or wife and it takes even more grace and anointing

I understand the temptation to speed up the waiting process. To finally give that guy you put in the friendzone years ago a chance but do it sis. There are guys who simply happen to be your friends that may be your spouse but that hasn't been revealed yet and guys who have expressed interest in you and the feelings are not mutual. Listen to those instincts ladies, just because a guy seems nice and seems to be interested in you, doesn't mean you need to give him a chance. There is always the small possibility that you put your husband in the friend zone but trust me, your spirit analyzed him and said nope for a reason, plus I have heard too many stories of women finally giving that guy a chance and he ends up dogging her out due to resentment and the fantasy is always better than the reality and just like when Amnon just had to have Tamar, incest aside because ew but ride with me, and he concocted an entire scheme, with the help of his brother Jonadab, to force his half sister to lay with him and once he raped her, he felt more contempt for her than the love her claimed to have once felt and banished her. There are some people who will seemingly work hard to pursue you and court you and once they have you, they will feel contempt towards you. Everyone has flaws, even the most seemingly perfect and complete person and too often the rose colored glasses have us blind to their true nature. Don't go through your friend zone. It is like going through the clearance rack. You saw it and you didn't want it, so let it go.

Before you ask for the yoke of marriage, you need to really consider if you want the responsibilities of marriage and family. Do you really have space in your life for kids? Do you want kids? I feel like people take sex and reproduction too lightly. Too many people have kids that they do not want and those kids end up either in an already strained foster care system, living with relatives in an informal adoption, treating their kids with resentment or contempt, or worse and there are too many stories of worse. Taking family pictures are cute, the wedding pictures will get you a lot of likes and may even go viral but do you want to rush home in the middle of the day for an emergency, as a single woman you can pop a bowl of popcorn and pour a glass of wine and watch your favorite smut TV show but when you get married, your time is no longer your own. I know people are saying that social media is making marriage look bad, it's just that marriage needs better PR and many happily married people don't want to risk their marriage for social media likes and fodder, so they keep their business to themselves but nothing is more frustrating than being in a dead marriage that no one wants to revive. Many women get online to vent about being a married single mother and I guess to get support because their family and friends are tired of hearing her complain just to stay and even worse, tell their partner what was discussed and now there is division between the friend and the partner, only for themselves and their marriage to be dragged on multiple social media platforms. Plus, if you want to stay happily married, keep people out your business. All people, not just family, strangers on the internet count as well.

Too many women marry the good guy and not the God guy. Too many men marry the check list woman, she cooks, she cleans, she's beautiful, he enjoys having sex with her, she makes money, she's kind but he doesn't really love her, he loves someone else but that person may not be suitable for marriage, so he chose the better option not really loving her. It is unfair to marry someone you don't love simply because you are ready to be married. Marriage is not easy and you need God's grace and his hand to make it work and rushing ahead of God to get married so you can meet some imaginary deadline that you have in your head, probably isn't the best course of action. I know waiting is hard but you know what else is hard, being stuck in a dead-end marriage waiting for the kids to turn 18, so you can finally leave.

0 notes

29pageshomestuckeveryday · 1 year ago

Text

Homestuck, page 3,438

[S] Equius: Seek the highb100d.

youtube

Walkthrough: http://readmspa.org/transcripts/readmspa-transcript-6_005338_Triterniabound_transcript_and_walkthrough.html

Songs used: Horschestra STRONG Version by Alexander Rosetti, Nepeta's Theme by Toby Fox, Blackest Heart (With Honks) by Toby Fox, Midnight Calliope by Mark Hadley, and Miracles by ICP

Song commentaries:

Alexander Rosetti:

(Equius Walkabout)

Neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh. Neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh. Neigh neigh neigh. Neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh. Neigh. Neigh neigh. Neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh. Neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh.

Neigh neigh neigh neigh. Neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh neigh.

Toby Fox:

Neigh neigh neigh, neigh neigh.

Neigh neigh? Neigh.

Seriously though, despite its goofiness, this is one great track. Alexander Rosetti is easily one of the best composers on the team, and despite being often limited by his electronic instrumentation palette (he usually composes for real musicians to play), he's pulled this track off and several others fantastically.

Did I mention we're in love?

Also, the SNES funeral section interspersed with a small amount of Walls Covered in Blood at the end is just brilliant.

Toby Fox:

(Nepeta Walkabout)

Beep beep, meow... it's a remix of Walls Covered in Blood if you didn't notice~

The original Walls was actually pretty divisive - either people loved it or they thought the Mario Paint instruments were too much to bear. Here we get the best of both worlds - the catchy theme without the weird instrumentation! (And if you liked the original better... well... great! Because it still exists.)

I decided to hit on some of the more Latin aspects of her theme without a self-imposed limitation on what instruments I could choose. So I threw in some vibraslaps, some bongos, and a steel drum. To extend it for the album, I just decided to add EarthBound instruments and beatbox to the second part of the original song. Always a failproof plan!

:33

Toby Fox:

(Prelude to a Killer Clown)

This track went under most people's radars when it was first released because it really was a soundtrack for a situation that had not yet taken place.

Andrew asked me to add some 'brooding honks' to it... and some amazingly hilarious justaposition occurred that somehow made the piece even more frightening to all those that played it at 6am in the morning.

Now people love it. Step one to improvement - add clowns!

Yep, that's my voice, by the way.

Mark Hadley:

(Gamzee the Killer)

When trying to come up with something for the flipped-out Gamzee, I decided to stick with the basics and write a short calliope melody in a minor key. As it loops, however, a dark droning backdrop becomes gradually more apparent, a darkness beneath the playfulness implied by the first part. The calliope fades out until only the droning sound remains, showing in essence that playtime is over. Also, I figured nothing makes carnival music sound more twisted than for the tempo/pitch to change, so I had the whole thing start gradually slowing down over time, giving it an even more unnatural feel. I wanted one last build-up near the end to build tension, and as it fades out and the listener is just starting to relax... HONK. honk.

On a side note, I think I enjoy writing creepy music even more than any other kind of music.

Toby Fox:

Soundtrack-wise... I think this was one of the greatest moments of Homestuck. This track makes my hair stand on end.

Author commentary: Here's [S] Equius: Seek the highbl00d, another playable RPG game. This was a really good one. They all kind of are, in their own ways. Except for the Meenahbound ones, which are Arguably Bad, Actually, but I only agree to that assessment if it includes the ever important "bad in mostly good and funny ways" stipulation upon which the structural stability of my entire creative career rests. But Christ, why am I talking about that garbage when we are about to review some truly choice material focusing exclusively on your favorite meowrails. It is a great illustration of their tragic dynamic; deeply committed and caring partners in the diamonds quadrant, and yet compromised by Equius and his stubborn class-driven faults, his pathological reverence for his superiors, his forced and probably not genuinely felt sense of disdain for lower bloods like Nepeta, and ultimately his failure to rise above these flaws when presented with a real test of character and friendship. A test imposed, of course, by a boorish murderclown, who from this point onward just ruins fucking everything, constantly. Also there's great horror ambience in this game, with a real sense of tension. It's one of these unusual installments where I will bother to say: you just need to play this one to really feel it. If you haven't already, well..that kind of baffles me? But I guess I just don't know anything about anybody reading these books, especially as we trudge relentlessly into the future. Maybe you're reading this ancient tome printed 500 years ago, and the online content doesn't exist anymore. If that's the case, I'm so, so sorry, Robosteve8937501.

And, now that I just talked up this great game, here's where I check out for a while again, because obviously I'm not going to wisecrack my way through every single page of this thing, because, um…l have a LIFE??? Maybe you should look into that. Yeah, I'm looking at YOU, Robosteve8937501. Have you set foot outside your consumption pod even ONCE over the last couple centuries? This is getting pathetic, man.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking Robosteve8937501 is going to turn into another one of my running joke characters down here in the author notes realm, which includes an entirely distinct continuum for casually idiotic worldbuilding, and against all odds and better judgment, you're actually becoming inexplicably invested in it. It's okay, you can admit it. You love the weird stories about my dead youth pastor, priest, and life coach from previous books, and now you're looking forward to future mentions of Robosteve8937501 as well, which is becoming additionally inevitable now that I've talked about him this much already. What do those numbers Is that his phone number? The answer is yes. Robosteve8937501 is actually very lonely, and he wants you to call him. Dude can't get a date to save his mean? Is that... life. Probably because he spends so much time holed up in his fucking consumption pod, reading and rereading all 200 volumes of the Homestuck books, 500 years after they were printed, and about 490 years after the apocalypse that wiped out the human race.

That's the end of all the dialogue between these two in this game. Every line was extremely good. Nothing I could say down here would improve upon it even a little, nor would any further analysis increase your pure enjoyment or appreciation of the content. Wow, I think I just found the perfect author note to paste at the bottom of every page from now on.

Then Nepeta embarks on her quest to "hide," i.e. find a place to watch Equius get killed, then jump out and get killed herself. We don't know that's what's going to happen yet, but I think this game lays it on pretty thick with the clues that something bad is going to happen. Their drawn-out goodbye, the emotional conversation they just had that spotlight them as characters, and which often precedes characters dying in media as a way of letting the viewers say their farewells too, and also the obvious fact that we're in the horror zone, so we might as well strap ourselves in and expect characters to start dropping like flies. Perhaps this game in serving all these purposes starts feeling additionally cruel, because if you didn't care much about these characters before reading all that stuff, you probably do now. Just in time to say goodbye. Let that be a lesson. Appreciate good characters while you still have the chance, and don't be late to hop on the bandwagon. Because by the time you hop on, the bandwagon may have been rigged to be just about to kill your newfound faves in a variation of the trolley experiment.

There are teapots all over the place. If nothing else, Nepeta's land has given her a lifelong passion for tea. Too bad her post-tea life didn't last very long. But it's also worth noting how it nicely pairs with Equius's milk habits. Maybe they could set up a nice tea shop in the afterlife. In fact, who's to say they didn't?

Nepeta's private space in the meteor involves—you guessed it—more shipping. All the depictions here and on following pages show pairings that seem to have a logical basis in the story. Except for the Dave x Tavros match-up. Accuse me of "ship hate" if you will, but that is an absolutely shameful pairing decision. Nepeta deserves to receive crushing volumes of anonymous internet harassment for this pitiful display of bad taste. Quick, everyone go submit your displeasure to user account "@arsenicCatnip" before she dies.

The "great" label is just a SBaHJ-ism. Jeff bumped up against the "great" to spy on Bro doing something stupid, if I recall correctly. We are just reprising that scenario, as Nepeta employs the same spying technique on Gamzee as he murders Equius. It's BASICALLY the exact same situation.

Nepeta's secret shame is exposed. There's nothing that shameful about her crush, because come on. We all love Karkat. I don't know who she was hiding it from though? Equius, at most? But what are moirails for if she can't share her secret flushed leanings with her partner? What have they even been talking about for hours on the smashed robot pile?? Also she didn't do a very good job covering up her HUGE mural with those crates. It's almost as if she wants her secret to be exposed. Nepeta...you're a fucking mess.

This is where the game gets especially creepy, mainly because of the music shift. My chief recollection of the music is that every now and then, an eerie distant honking sound can be heard. This is when you began to suspect Nepeta is completely screwed.

Touches like this help fill in the blanks of a story with subtext. Brown blood is everywhere. That means Tavros's body is being moved around, probably by Gamzee, given the text on the wall. What is he doing with that body??? (He is severing the head, so that he may passionately kiss it on the mouth at his leisure.)

More signs that Kanaya is on the move as well. She even sliced the transporter behind her so she couldn't be followed. She might be the only one who isn't being an idiot right now. But to be fair, that might also be a good description of her in relation to all twelve trolls over the general span of the entire story. What did she ever do that's dumb? I'm trying to think of something. Oh wait, I got it. She fell in love with Vriska. Wait. Wait…no. I lost it again. That was the smartest thing she ever did, because Vriska kicks ass and did nothing wrong.

Why is this fuckin wizard in this chest? I don't even… I mean, I do know the answer. It's because one of the supporting artists made a wizard sprite, completely unprompted, as they did with almost all the items in these games. But still. Kinda makes you think? (Nah.)

Nepeta sees something horrible through the vent. It's a great time to cut away to Equius so we can catch up with what she is seeing from his point of view. Which is great for him, since he has a front-row seat for what's currently happening here.

Back to Equius. He sends Nepeta off for her own "safety" and…immediately begins using his powerful hands to shatter his many glasses of milk that are scattered about on the floor for some reason. Good work, dude.

This chess monster can't catch a break. First, Vriska stole all its luck, sending it crashing down into this pit. Then Gamzee, with inexplicably incredible marksmanship, fires an arrow double-shot into both eyes, killing it. Come to think of it, the fact that Vriska drained all its luck shortly before probably had something to do with its unlikely arrow-based slaying as well.

So that's where Terezi's glasses went. Gamzee stealing a personal item of hers seems like a loaded action. As if he's signaling to her that he isn't quite done with her yet. I wonder what that means? I hope it's not creepy and awful. Equius, like a complete idiot, thinks that's Terezi up there on the big mad-science tank. Cue the murderclown's diabolical monologue. This Flash sequence was embedded in the RPG game as a strong finish to the interactive page. You kind of knew it would end up this way. Actually, many of the games are played with a sense of dark dramatic irony where you know something bad is going to happen, but you're forced to march right along to that outcome anyway, so you are somewhat complicit in the unfortunate result. The Rose RPG at the end of this book is probably the best example of this.

Gamzee's negligent goatfather was killed before he entered the game, and was prototyped, as were all the trolls' lusii. This means goat-like forms show up in the chess monsters. Gamzee is sitting atop the tank of one such mutant beast, which almost entirely bears the traits of his aquatic goatfather. Is it a coincidence he has gravitated toward this figure while being his truest, most evil, clowny self? In some ways, due to parental neglect, his goat dad embodies his darkest tendencies, and perhaps the root causes for them. Yes, maybe this isn't "true" and he's just a piece of total trash regardless, but it's arguably true from Gamzee's warped perspective. In some ways this makes Goat Dad a compelling figure. We know almost nothing about him, but he quite possibly was legitimately monstrous. I'm fascinated by this fictional goat creature suddenly. Whoops, wait. It stopped. I'm not fascinated anymore. But it was an interesting feeling to have for about three seconds.

All the dialogue leading up to this is pretty good. It lets us know that Gamzee didn't just generically "snap" and is now an arbitrary murderous threat. There are some real cunning and calculation to his evil. Despite previously coming across as a bit dumb, and tone-deaf to the needs and concerns of his friends, his remarks here reveal a guy who was paying close attention all along and knows all these people quite well. He knows the insecurities and weaknesses to play to. He's just tormenting Equius using the fact that he knows he's all twisted up about class hierarchy, demanding that he kneel before his superior. But not in a way that makes it clear he will appreciate Equius's subservience, or reward him for it. Gamzee just wants to disgrace and defile Equius before he kills him, to make him reveal the full extent of his weakness as his final living act. To show Equius couldn't overcome his limitations even to save his own life, let alone the lives of his friends.

But later, the kind of sadistic cunning Gamzee shows here sort of gives way to a different kind of villainy. After he "makes peace" with his role as a figure of "religious destiny," that is, the guy meant to serve Lord English and help seed his early existence as Caliborn, he mellows out a little. There's a kind of sick, off-putting serenity he broadcasts as he commits his unpleasant deeds, behaving as more of a general agent of chaos rather than an active antagonist. He seems to delight more in wreaking havoc on the story as a whimsical surrogate for his master than he does in specifically causing his former friends to suffer. In other words, he gradually becomes folded into the greater villainous ensemble, which becomes increasingly preposterous the deeper we get into Homestuck.

#Youtube

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accidentalrabbit · 3 years ago

Text

TOGETHER WITH ME

(series)

Thailand 2017

RANK: S

A-pairing: Korn x Knock

B-pairing: we will get to that

C-pairing: we will GET to that

Other character(s) i enjoyed: Yiwha, Faii, Farm

Overall review:

This show is a MESS. And it is iconic. Some truly horrible and inane things happen to its characters, and that’s a warning. It’s camp! Proceed with caution.

Overall, the production is par for the course. You get your occasional weird sound effects and audio, but in the edit, the show basically works. I love that Amphawa Floating Market is one of the major locations, it’s so striking and breaks up the university vibe with a standout, non-beach setting. Shoutout also to hair and makeup, ESPECIALLY on Yiwha, who is serving Carmen Sandiego/Fortune 500 CEO with a bold lip at all times, and Pleng, who is also on her evil girlboss grind 24/7. I’m going to be overusing the word girlboss, because this show is fully in its girlboss side character era. And everyone in this show is giving their roles 110%, boots the house down.

Alright, we have to start with episode one, which for the record is the most impressively homosexual first episode of any show i’ve watched. Korn and Knock are childhood best friends who lost touch but reconnect while studying architecture or whatever at university. If this were a drinking game, you’d already be drunk. And speaking of drunk, they go back home to pick up girls and get absolutely faded, but when the girls leave early (and rob them, those enterprising girlbosses!)...they fuck. They have just completely unrestrained and messy drunken sex in episode one. Twelve episodes to go! This is such an aggressive way to establish their barely contained homoerotic tension that i almost can’t believe more shows haven’t done it since, but i guess once you have a show that does it so well you can’t just do a pale imitation. This also establishes the insane level of chemistry these two have when they’re not holding back, and my god. In terms of high heat, who comes close? They also do a great job at playing awkward but still intimate when they are holding back, like when Knock gets injured during their soccer football match and Korn has to bathe him, but they’re both in their “let’s pretend nothing happened i love our friendship” era. Oh, they’re also pretending nothing happened because Knock has a girlfriend. Oops! We’ll get there.

For the remainder of the show we have three main characters to root for, if we’re generous. Korn is the audience insert/POV character and we love him, Knock is the somewhat passive (lmao iykyk) protagonist whose arc becomes the arc of the whole show, and then there is Yiwha, a gorgeous queen who has never done anything wrong. She is the girlboss: an excellent wingman, a nosy gossip, an amateur detective, never takes off her plot armor. Yiwha is the character who holds the plots together and moves them forward. She is responsible for creating the show’s main antagonists, the evil girlboss trio, and she is, for the most part, the one who moves between all the different subplots, acting at key moments when it looks like the story might otherwise stall. Knock’s girlfriend and noted evil girlboss Pleng puts out a hit on her at one point and i did worry, but Yiwha uses her plot armor to beat up the bad guys and convince Korn’s ex to betray the evil girlboss trio. You cannot stop Yiwha. She’s a legend and she is the moment. When she’s on screen, i’m having fun, even when she’s being slightly evil.

I’ll take a moment here to say that at first i thought the show had no moral core because the way these characters act is extremely chaotic. Even our main characters who we love and want to root for behave very sketchily, lying and cheating and betraying each other and outing their friends and just being plain mean. It makes for excellent comedy. But at some point i realized the theme of this show is that self-deception is the ultimate evil because it prevents the possibility of love, and then everything fell into place. These characters behave in amoral ways because they are hammering a point home for thirteen episodes and everything that stands in their way is a nail. Even deceiving others is okay if it’s in service of making them realize or admit something about themselves, and the most evil characters are the ones who want their loved ones to keep lying to themselves about what they truly want. And that’s why cheating on your girlfriend is okay if you’re a queer man, actually: Because she’s keeping you in the closet on purpose, because she is evil.

THE EVIL GIRLBOSS TRIO. I love the execution of the antagonists. No one has done it better more entertainingly when it comes to the (problematic) women scorned trope. All three of them have reasons, all of the reasons are bad, and all of them are at least partially antagonized by Yiwha. They are unhinged; they have zero hinges between them. Their schemes make no sense and require an incredible amount of expertise. Getting hired thugs to beat up your enemies? Hacking university databases? Printing hundreds of flyers of your boyfriend making out with his gay friend using a photo you took of their room from a rooftop fifty meters away? It’s camp!

Faii is a minor character in the grand scheme of things but i love her interactions with Yiwha and Farm. I love that she’s on the boys’ football team and WINS. I love her can-do attitude. I love her John Watson detective era. Lesbian-coded gnc icon. Ugh. Legend.

Farm: I love him. Perfect baby gay. We’ll come back to him. Dr. Bright is a good character in terms of the story, but i like him less because i want only good things for Farm, and he is Not That. Phu and Kawitra also exist and are characters. We’ll get there.

I appreciate how tightly written the side characters are. They all continue touching base with the plot throughout. They come back occasionally in unexpected ways. They all interact anonymously with Knock’s online thread about his conflicted feelings, and sometimes they say very insightful things. For a show that is so silly and trope-reliant, it’s refreshing that the writers demonstrate that they pay close enough attention to the plot to make the smorgasbord of characters both necessary and sufficient to the story. No one feels extraneous and no subplot feels underdeveloped. The writing is also very funny most of the time. It is like the best possible CW young adult drama crossed with a decent sitcom, with ridiculous soap opera plot details, and i mean all of that in a sincere and kind way.

Before i wrap this up, i am a sucker for a bow-tied happy ending, and Korn and Knock, despite spending several episodes driving each other up the wall, do eventually get to kiss without having to sneak around Pleng’s back or worry about telescopic camera lenses. These two are so compelling to watch even when they’re mad at each other; when they finally get to be openly in love, it feels transcendent. The writing also makes good use of the fact that they are childhood friends with a shared history in various foods, objects, and rituals, and it makes their scenes, ups and downs alike, that much more emotional.

This show is so...much, but part of that “muchness” is also its earnestness. Despite being weird, often uncomfortable, and not at all self-aware, it never felt like this show was cynical about its own existence or the progression of its story, which happens in even very good, very well-written Thai BL (see: Bad Buddy (2021), Dark Blue Kiss (2019), and also most of the mediocre series (My Gear Your Gown (2020) is a BIG offender)). I know it’s dangerous to make blanket statements but in my unitary and subjective opinion i think this is the best Thai BL made before 2019, and it still outshines many others made since.

I had a good time, but:

Together With Me is PEAK television, but that does not mean you should look to it for moral guidance or real world advice. Please. I had a good time, and that is not an endorsement of the objectionable plot points, which are so important to the show being peak TV and which i would like to never see ever again. This show is hanging onto its S-tier status by a thread, and these are the things that almost undid it.

I loathe student-teacher romances. LOATHE. I ultimately made some uneasy peace with the Phu x Kawitra C-plot, but every scene with them worked my nerves. I mean, from the jump i was on edge, and i sighed with relief every time a scene ended with the status quo mostly unchanged. I liked how Kawitra stands by her ethical principles as a professor (mostly), i was relieved that a fully-grown very annoying university student was the pursuer (so i didn't immediately have to root for prison time), and i tolerated how the narrative made their one kiss very unattractive, based entirely on Phu's lies, and blessedly unrepeated.

That being said, the moral core of this show was all about confronting self-deception and admitting your true feelings or whatever, so i understand why, to an extent, this storyline is here. I did not like what they did with it. But their little arc wasn't NOT compelling, in a narrowly-avoided trainwreck kinda way. And because all the characters are written so interconnectedly (she's Korn's sister and Yiwha's professor, all the students are roommates, they all care about each other), it also tied into the other plots in a way i appreciated. I now simply hope Phu graduates and gets a decent job far away and never bothers her again. (And Kawitra, ma'am, get a grip! you have to want better for yourself!)

Farm gets his own section. Don't you worry.

This is not a real complaint, but Yiwha deserved to be bisexual, because i say so, and we were robbed.

Other than that, there's not much left to complain about. Even at its…least restrained, Together With Me has the benefit of being very fun. The tropes, the edit, the neon blue tequila shots, the Yiwha ex machina plot armor, the evil girlboss trio—none of these things are unimpeachable. But goddamn do the weak spots have an oblivious charm that i don't think any other show i've watched has quite replicated.

Unfortunately, you have been chopped: Bad Romance (2016, parent story/sequel), Together With Me: The Next Chapter (2018, sequel).

Honestly, neither of these shows piqued my interest, and the stories they tell are entirely ancillary to this one. Korn and Knock lose a lot of their spark, which is one of the primary reasons i enjoy this show so much, and Yiwha, for all her girlbossery, has significant changes by necessity to her character when she’s with her little man or whatever. I think in the sequel in particular, everyone loses the kind of weird, chaotic, amoral edge that they have in this series. I did try to power through TWM:TNC, but it’s so long for so little payoff, and that’s not even bringing up what they did to

Character(s) entitled to financial compensation: Farm, my beloved. Here comes an essay.

Between his friends plying him with alcohol to get him to fess up about his love life, to his girlfriend drugging him and then trying to assault him to turn him straight, to getting punched by a random homophobic hitman, to his messy, messy, messy one-way puppy-love relationship with Dr. Bright—Farm deserves therapy. To be honest, if i didn’t see a lot of myself in Farm, his arc would have been much more uncomfortable and much less enjoyable, and i understand people who hate everything about this B-plot. But i actually found his story touching, even when it was being played for a laugh. (Which, to be clear, it usually should not have been.)

I do think the writers kept it real about different kinds of non-traditional relationships in the gay community, and i think they kept it real about how much it would hurt to go from one kind of relationship that looks right but feels wrong because of your sexuality, to one that feels right but is still wrong for you. But they definitely should have treated serious subjects like sexual assault with more care. I was definitely uncomfortable, and my heart really ached for the parts of me i saw treated so poorly in this character—and still i found his story worth showing even in such a problematic way. Bright enjoys very non-traditional relationships and Farm is a hopeless romantic, and they are both unable to love, persuade, cajole, or embarrass each other into changing what they want, and that is KEY to the theme of the show: Self-deception is the enemy of love. You cannot force a relationship that smothers your truth.

In the end, Farm learns the wrong lessons about jealousy and relationships, but it feels like a mistake he’s making as a confused baby gay, and not something he can’t grow past with the help of his (amoral and possibly sadistic) friends. And this is why i’m asking us all today to disregard TWM:TNC as canon. Do it for me. Do it for Farm. Thank you.

Conclusion:

I enjoyed this show a lot. Unreservedly, unabashedly, i say everyone who enjoys BL, or LGBT media in general, should at least try to watch it. Anyone who wants to get into the Thai genre should make this one of the first shows they watch in order to learn what these specific tropes look like when they're being played mostly straight, but with a solid cast and impressively tight writing to back it up. So: despite everything that is objectively weird and uncomfortable about it, i truly love Together With Me. It is, quite simply, peak television.

Tune in next time to read all about unproblematic fave Kieta Hatsukoi (2021), in which we dare to root for…the heterosexuals?

#together with me #S tier #thai drama #mine #reviews #together with me the series #korn x knock #i'm so glad yiwha is my header image i love her i love her i lov #anyway this took forever to put together and i'm sure i'm missing things i wanted to talk about #i should rewatch this #girlies. what are we thinking #how did you people feel about together with me and were you as generous as i was #i get why this show was divisive and yet i enjoyed it more than bad buddy which feels sacrilegious in some ways #which is not to say it was as good lmfao this show is a mess #i will say this is probably the S tier show i enjoyed the least if we're doing that intra-tier ranking #i promise most of my remaining opinions are more mainstream than this #minor edits for clarity #mostly for farm

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annie-sae · 3 years ago

Text

Wouldn’t mind

Pairing: Kazutora x fem!reader, past Baji x fem!reader

Hurt/comfort

Author note: This is my way of dealing with Baji’s death finally being animated, this is me comforting myself so I don’t keep crying.

Also, I posted this on AO3 as well:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33561445

Part of the reason you decided to get close to him was kind of the same reason why you decided to help out Chifuyu and the remaining founding Toman members in any way you could; even if that meant putting yourself in various fights. It was a way to honor his memory.

You met Baji Keisuke; your Kei; as nothing more than a child because you were neighbors and your mom happened to be friends with his mother which ended in them arranging lots of playdates for you both ever since you could remember.

Your mothers always said you were meant to be and they were right, so yeah, they were delighted once you two finally stopped denying yourselves and started to date.

You two got together after one time in which Baji got into a particularly bad fight and you found him on your way home; his hands all bruised but despite how much they must have been hurting he was smiling in that unique way of his that always told you that no matter the pain he won and enjoyed himself.

To be honest you didn’t like that he always got into fights nor how reckless he could be but you had to admit that there was always something about the way his eyes glinted that drew you in.

You dragged him inside your home, knowing that his mother would flip out if she saw him and taking advantage of the fact that your mother was to get home late, you pushed him to the couch, went to the kitchen for a bag of frozen vegetables, grabbed his hand after cleaning the blood off and held the bag to his knuckles hoping that it would bring down the swelling.

There was no way of knowing who made the first move but next thing you knew after that was that you two were kissing; the frozen bag laying on the floor long forgotten. After that you finally acknowledged your feelings and started dating. There was no grand gesture, it was just one of many moments that you shared daily yet it was perfect.

Baji liked to keep you away from Toman businesses so for the most part you didn’t actually know the rest of the members except for Chifuyu; whom you met on various occasions while going to visit your boyfriend; and Mikey that you met as a child since you were always following around Baji and in a way became your friend too; but that was it. He kept that apart from the side of his life that involved you because he was well aware of how messy it could get and he didn’t want to drag you into any trouble.

Yet his gang life caught up to him, crashing into your world and pushing you into a lonely abyss that still to this day left a hole in your chest.

You’d always remember that dreaded day when your mother came home later than usual without letting you know anything, eyes teary and red rimmed. The moment she looked at you, she pulled you into a strong hug and sobbed as she caressed your hair murmuring a string of words you couldn’t really make out.

She was the one to deliver the news of his passing, how she was late because she was at the Baji household and had to accompany his mother to claim her son’s body after the woman received a call from the police station telling her that the boy had been stabbed and bled to death.

The day would never come when you’d forget the pain that shot through your body as you learned that he was gone. It hurt unlike anything else you have ever experienced, as if someone was crushing your chest like it was made out of paper, air knocked out of your lungs and the only thing you could do was scream helplessly his name as you held for dear life onto your mother’s frame. You felt bile rise up your throat so fast that it was a miracle that you didn’t throw up.

His funeral wasn’t any easier. Not when you arrived and his mom pulled you to his casket saying just how handsome he looked, inviting you to see him in a way that you couldn’t refuse.

Around an hour after yourself, arrived Chifuyu who went to you after giving his condolences to his best friend’s mother that held him the way she used to hold her boy but now she’d never get the chance to do anymore.

If you were being completely honest, you couldn’t remember much more of that day, your mind was hazy, too many gaps in the memory of all that transpired.

Only two things were clear as day in your mind. First was the way that Kei had looked inside that coffin smiling peacefully and for a moment you almost fooled yourself into thinking that he was just sleeping, but he was pale, his canines weren’t showing and his eyes were slightly sunken but you had to agree with his mom because he looked handsome indeed. The second was that Chifuyu stayed by your side throughout the whole thing, in fact he was the one who told you what actually happened and you were thankful for it all.

He told you what Baji did and why he did it and you believed it the second the words left his mouth because you knew him well and if there was anything that defined your beloved boyfriend was his heart, how willing he was to give anything for those that he cared about; his unwavering loyalty; you just wished he hadn’t put himself on the line for that.

Twelve years have passed and a lot of things changed since his parting, for starters you became a member of Toman.

One night; around a month after everything happened; you went to the Musashi temple fully aware that it was the place that the boys used as their base and in front of everyone gathered there; bracing yourself; you walked towards Mikey, bowed deeply and begged for him to accept you as a member.

At first most of the guys there laughed at you while others frowned and called you names shooing you away but you stayed still, that was until a big hand grabbed you by the arm and that was when you pulled away from it and punched the guy square in the nose remembering the time Baji taught you how to pack a punch. The guy tried to send a blow towards you but was stopped by Chifuyu yet the whole commotion came to a halt with Mikey’s commanding voice.

“Y/N, you know this is a guys-only gang”

“I’m aware, Mikey, but” you clenched your fists “but Keisuke cared about this gang so I feel like I must join, to protect everything he fought for” you raised your head “he also taught me how to fight so you don’t have to worry about me being a burden on you and I know a few things about first aid, I can carry my own weight” you were thankful for your mother being a nurse and having taught you a bit.

He stared at you, his eyes giving away nothing.

“The first division can take her in” Chifuyu supplied.

Mikey raised a brow and looked at another blonde guy.

“Takemitchy, you are the first division’s captain, do you agree to take her?” the guy straightened up and after sharing one look with Chifuyu he nodded.

An uproar started as a lot of guys started to complain about how bad of an idea it was to admit a girl in the gang but Draken stopped them with one word.

Mikey looked at you once more, then he sighed and nodded.

“Then welcome, Y/N L/N, from now on you are a member of the Tokyo Manji Gang under the first division”.

Later that day you gave your thanks to Chifuyu and Takemichi, for getting behind you and promised to help them in any way possible but Chifuyu made you promise to be safe and only join them as a last resource because he couldn’t allow Baji’s girlfriend to get hurt since he promised him he’d take care of you.

You knew that your parents wouldn’t be happy with you being a part of a gang but you had to do it, it was a way to stay close to Kei and you needed that or else you would have gone crazy, you were also thankful because life had it that you were assigned to the division that used to be his.

Shit happened but you always took things head on and you had to admit that Chifuyu and Takemichi played a crucial part in you surviving all the crappy things that happened until the gang disbanded. While still a member you were extremely grateful for makeup since it helped you hide from your parents a good amount of nasty bruises that came from the fights.

The second thing that changed was that you moved out of your parents’ house from the moment you started college and although at first it was hard and you were living in a tiny apartment that resembled more to a matchbox yet it was the only thing you could afford at the moment with the part time job you had but you were decided to not return home, not because you weren’t comfortable with them but because they were already doing too much for you by paying for your studies so you didn’t want them to be spending any more money on you.

You managed and after a while you got a better job that meant a higher pay grade and you moved out of your tiny place to your current one that was bigger and just a couple of minutes away from the cemetery where the Baji family grave was.

Even when you had exams due the next day, even when you were way too busy, you still made it a habit to go visit him daily, it didn’t matter if you had to walk for long or that you were so tired you could have fallen asleep while standing, you still went to see him.

Your mother told you once that maybe you should let go, that he wouldn’t like to have you clinging to him this much and to appease her you went to a couple of dates once every three months but you never made it past the first date but funnily enough that landed you a few long lasting friendships with some of the guys you tried to date.

One time his mom talked to you and told you just how grateful she was with you for loving her son the way you did but that you didn’t owe him anything, that you could move on because she was sure that was what he would have wanted and maybe she was right; to hell you knew that she was; but it wasn’t a matter of you feeling like you owed devotion to him but more like no one ever compared to him, not a single person awoke in you the same feelings he did, not with the same intensity it was kind of like a beautiful curse because you grieved daily his absence but you wouldn’t want it other way, even if you went back and told yourself that by loving him you’d end up in pain, you’d still go through it all because the time spent with him was worth it and you told her that so she smiled and even talked with your mother making her stop begging you to date and leave you to your own devices.

Another thing that changed was you because you cut your hair really short; yet without needing it you still wore a hair tie on your wrist daily as if it was some sort of amulet because it reminded you of him.

Also, with the bigger place you adopted three beautiful cats that you loved dearly, first there was Blue; whose black hair shone blue under certain light hence his name; then there was Leo; an orange tabby cat you found one day and adopted instantly; and Jin; a maine coon that was your appointed guardian and didn’t like anyone around you nor him.

The three always slept with you; which made you thankful for getting a big bed when you first moved; and in a way they made your life less lonely because in their presence you felt as if Keisuke was right there with you which made sense because you two had made plans about living together once highschool was over and then adopt a ton of cats, all the cats your parents never allowed in the house when you were younger.

Of course things don’t always end up the way we plan them, you knew that better than most although to be completely honest you never expected Kazutora to come into the picture.

You new who he was, on one occasion Kei told you that him speaking on his behalf and taking the full blame for what happened with Mikey’s older brother was a big factor on him staying out of juvie so in a way you were thankful to him but you also knew; through Chifuyu’s retelling; what happened on that horrible halloween when you lost your whole world.

Even when you knew that everything had been planned out by Kisaki, for the longest time you were resentful towards Kazutora, even going as far as to curse his sole existence because hadn’t it been for him then your Keisuke would surely still be with you. It took you years for you to come to terms with everything and accept that Baji chose to leave all because he cared about that boy way too much.

You came to realize that by hating Kazutora, by wishing him the worst and spending so much energy in resenting him you were betraying Kei’s wishes.

His final will was to keep Toman’s funding members; Kazutora included; safe, he chose death, going down as a villain to his friends, all just to protect them, to save him so the least you could do was carry on his wishes and look after them, not only after Chifuyu and the others but you also felt the moral obligation towards Keisuke, to welcome Kazutora and help him back into his life.

Now, you went to help around Chifuyu and Kazutora’s shop, fully aware that it was their way of honoring his memory, by living out the dream he never had the chance for.

You could understand them because everyday you did the same, hell, you even went to study veterinary because that had been the plan all those years back; he was supposed to open his pet shop and you were supposed to be the one to tend to the animals, he always said that you had the best shot because you usually did rather good at school.

You met Kazutora the day after Chifuyu picked him up from prison. You already knew that he would be joining you two for lunch the following day because he told you in advance in case you weren’t ready to meet the man that had played a big part in your old boyfriend’s death.

Chifuyu by that point had become your best friend in the world, your constant support. What started as a way to cope with Baji’s loss, as both of you searching in the other for any vestiges of his existence with the passing of the years turned into something more, a fraternal bond forged through shared grief.

Chifuyu was like a brother to you and you knew that he saw you as a sister, you cared about him deeply.

If you were being completely honest, you were a bit torn when a month prior to the release, he announced to you that he’d be picking up the guy and was planning on welcoming him as a roommate and as an extra hand at the shop; that is if the other accepted. I mean, you’d have to be crazy to just accept it as it was, no questions asked because whether manipulated and messed up in the head, it didn’t change the fact that he was the one to stab him.

Of course you knew it hadn’t been easy for him to reach that, it was obvious that he had thought it through, you could see in his eyes just how much went into making that decision but that he was sure that that was Baji would have liked and you knew that as well because that was the type of person Keisuke used to be, a bit rough on the edges but so caring and willing to give for those he loved, and he sure as hell had proven how much he cared about the guy.

You had never talked to him, what little you knew about him was what Baji had mentioned all those years back when he almost went to prison and what Chifuyu told you, how he was getting the help he needed and seemed to be making progress but that was it.

To say it was awkward at first was a big understatement. He was extremely quiet and even after you greeted him he refused to make eye contact while you kept fidgeting in place trying to come up with something to say. Thank god for Chifuyu since he was the one to introduce you although he could have been a bit more careful when he introduced you as Baji’s old girlfriend, although you couldn’t blame him because there was no way around it, that was what you were.

The moment he understood who you were he froze, eyes focusing on his hands under the table. You noticed how uneasy he became and with a look you asked Chifuyu to give you a minute, thankfully he understood and trusting you excused himself from the table.

You reached out, stilling your hand in the middle of the space between you when you saw him flinch, something that reminded you of the time when you encountered Leo for the first time; hurt and scared. Kazutora in a way resembled him, something lonely and broken about him that gave you the final push to get close.

Just like you did way back for Leo you extended your open hand towards him, facing upwards to show him that you had no ill intentions and you rested your hand on the table just a few centimeters away from his arm, not wanting to startle him but wanting to show him that you were trying to get close.

“I don’t hate you, Hanemiya-kun”

His gaze zeroed on your hand and then eyes of the color of the lightest brown you’ve ever seen; almost the same shade as amber; met yours wary and trembling but you simply nodded confirming that you were being completely honest.

“Why?” his voice came out broken.

“Because Keisuke cared about you” you smiled, feeling your eyes get watery and Kazutora’s face became blurry due to the tears.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I- I wish I could take it all back, I really do, I...” you heard the words come out cracked and you shook your head and reached for his arm.

“I know...it’s fine. Like I said, I don’t hate you, it’s been a while since that happened and I’ve made up my mind, I’ve already accepted it as part of life” that’s a lie and you know, you miss him every day so much that you still cling to the little things he left behind, that’s the reason why you haven’t been in a relationship after him.

You quickly wiped the tears out of your eyes and looked at him once more. “I’d like to be there for you, maybe be friends even, that is if you’d like that”

Kazutora’s mind was running laps. Was he hearing you correctly? Did you actually say that you wanted to be friends with him? Be friends with the guy that killed your boyfriend nonetheless. He couldn’t wrap his head around that thought, it was simply impossible, he was a villain, a rotten fruit that nobody had ever liked and that poisoned the only good things he had in his life, why would anyone want to be near him?

First there was Chifuyu; who for all he could gather used to consider Baji as his best friend; welcoming him into his apartment, offering him a place to stay and even a job no questions asked, that was already hard to understand, but now having you willing to welcome him? That was almost ridiculous because you surely knew, he saw the way you interacted with Chifuyu, there was no way in hell he didn’t tell you, so why?

Why were you being kind to him? So gentle? Why couldn’t you just scream and curse him? Heaven knows for how long he has been cursing himself, regretting everything he did, from Shinichiro to Baji. He deserved to be yelled at, to be shunned away from society, he was deserving of pain and should be tossed to the abyss of loneliness, forever in the dark, far away from the sun.

He couldn’t fathom why on God's name was Baji’s girlfriend in front of him extending her delicate hand towards him. But even when he couldn’t understand he wanted to accept it. He knew he deserved nothing given how he had taken two lives but he wanted the embrace so badly.

He wanted company, friends, he didn’t want to be forever an outcast due to his bad decisions but instead he wanted to belong, to feel some sort of comfort, he wanted to bask in the sun’s warmth and for once in a very long time feel a bit of peace, he wanted saving, someone to tell him he was worthy even when he knew he wasn’t.

He looked at you once more, and something felt warm inside his chest; even his throat tightening; when he saw that you were still smiling gently at him despite the rebel tears that had escaped from your eyes.

“I’d like that” he smiled wobbly. “Also, Kazutora is fine”

“Then let’s be friends, Kazutora-kun” your smile grew broader and that was the start.

Surprisingly after that, it didn’t take long for you to grow comfortable with each other. He was quiet and would often be found spacing off but he was considerate towards you, actually he returned the same kindness you gave him, although it was evident that he was still wary and a bit rough on the edges he tried hard and you could see, so whenever he was having a bad mood you tried not to take it personally.

Through gentle words and patience, you won him over, even those around you were surprised at how quickly he warmed up to you but there was just something in him that pulled you, maybe that same thing that pushed you to adopt Leo when you found him malnourished and hurt on your way home from the cemetery or maybe it was something else.

Just as he warmed up to you, you warmed up to him. It was easy to talk to him, he was always willing to lend you an attentive ear, listening to your ramblings about the monotonous things that happened at the clinic, it didn’t matter that he knew nothing about the people you mentioned, he always listened like it was the most important thing in the world.

At first your interactions were always in company of Chifuyu, mostly at the shop while you went to visit which actually ended in you helping around to organize the merchandise or on the usual checkups on the animals to ensure that they were in the utmost condition for the moment someone decided to welcome them into their home.

Then, Kazutora started to walk you to the station but slowly that turned into him accompanying you all the way home and since he was taking the time to go with you you started offering him a cup of tea at your house before he’d leave again to get back to his and Chifuyu’s place.

That wasn’t the end of it because one cup of tea turned into two, then three and finally what started as a thanks for the inconvenience turned into hours-long talks about the most menial things just because.

Your cats loved him; Blue was always rubbing himself against his legs while Leo wasted no time to go lay on his legs and with a meow demand to be petted at the moment; but the most amazing thing of all was that Jin didn’t hate him, in fact he got way too comfortable with him which was a thing that you’d never seen, the only other person besides yourself that he liked was Hina, hell, not even Chifuyu had been able to charm the bigger cat and now apparently he didn’t mind Kazutora trailing behind you when even up to that day whenever he was visiting Chifuyu would get a growl from Jin but not Kazutora.

He was nice to your babies, he liked them and you could see that he didn’t change his demeanour towards them even when he thought you weren’t looking, in fact his voice got softer when directed at them and you were also the kind of person that trusted animal’s perception so the fact that your beloved cats liked him really told you that he had changed from what little you knew about his ways before being sent to prison after Baji’s death.

Kazutora started noticing the little things about you, for starters the way you’d always be singing a random thing off tune but with such energy that it was amusing but when asked he’d swear on his life that he wasn’t bothered that he actually liked it even though you knew very well that you weren’t a good singer but the opposite yet there was something powerful about having him joining in the middle of your singing, even when he didn’t know the lyrics he’d be humming along.

You were a sight to behold for him because in all the mess of his life he had never encountered someone as lively as yourself. Even after losing Baji you tried your best, you were determined and hardworking and so kind, not only to him but to every living thing no matter if they were animals, people or even plants, you amazed him because you were always so willing to be gentle to anyone.

You were a soothing presence.

That was not to say you didn’t have your bad days, after all you were only human and it was simply impossible to be at one hundred percent everyday the whole day, but you pushed through and you were always quick to ask for forgiveness if you had an outburst towards someone, you were the kind to not withhold apologies even when you weren’t at fault. He could remember a handful of times in which you apologized when he was the one to step on your toes.

You, of all people apologized to him, a social reject, a vermin, you apologized to him as if he was worthy, as if that was the logical thing to do but he knew that no matter what you did he knew that he was the one that still owed you a lifetime of apologies.

He wasn’t an idiot, he knew how much Baji meant to you even to that day, he noticed the little pieces of him lingering in your everyday, like how you always wore a hair tie around your wrist even when your hair was way too short for you to ever need it and whenever you had to get your bangs out of your face you used hair clips, never the tie on your wrist, the way you always cracked your knuckles as if getting ready for a fight even if you were only checking the animals and the way you carried yourself in a way resembled the way Baji used to.

He never told you but a few times he found you at the cemetery by coincidence while visiting Baji and there was something heartbreaking about seeing you kneeling on the ground with trembling shoulders despite it being a hot day. He regretted what he did, not only because he felt guilty or ‘cause he missed his friend but also for your sake because he wanted to see your happy smile, he never wanted to hear your cries ever again.

Just like him, you started seeking his company more and more, not only were you inviting him to stay and talk after walking you home but you made plans with him and just him, to go window shopping, for a cup of coffee, lunch dates, movie premieres; because you liked going to the movies so much and discovered that he was an enthusiast as much as you; movies on the couch, even just lazy sundays at your house playing the entire day with your cats.

Of course reaching this state was quick yet slow, it was hard to explain, like you were close to him and enjoyed his company, but it was different than it was with Hina or even Chifuyu yet you wouldn’t call it romantic, not at first.

Sure, there was something to Kazutora, you weren’t blind so you could see clear as day that he was rather handsome, probably one of the prettiest guys you’d ever met but there was something more, something that pulled you, something broken and lonely that tugged at your heart and told you to care for him.

At such a young age he had been to prison on two occasions and you could actually see that that was simply the tip of the iceberg. He had to mature too soon, he mentioned vaguely that his relation with his parents wasn’t the best and his eyes at times looked older than he actually was, plus it took a long time for him to get used to your affectionate ways because your love-language was physical touch. You had a special fascination with hair and all of your friends were used to that but Kazutora was like a kicked puppy that was only learning to trust in people once more.

You were a new breeze of air into his life, with your caring ways and funny nature he fell. For the first time in his life he had someone like you, at first it was difficult for him to realize that the fuzzy feeling inside his gut whenever he looked at you or even heard your voice meant what people called love but it was a given because he had never felt that way before.

For the longest time he felt like love was a lie, he remembered how bad his home life was, how strained and full of pain the things between his parents were, even now from time to time he had nightmares of his mother crying as his father hit her and then her begging him; only a child; to pick sides.

He wanted to hold you close, to keep you away from harm and to listen to your laugh for days on end, for once his heartbeat quickened for someone, he found a safe place in your presence, you were an oasis after years roaming the desert. You were such an unusual kind of certainty in his life that he never had but that he had searched for so long.

While Kazutora realized rather quickly; in comparison to you; that you had wormed your way into his heart making a home for you it took you around three years and others pointing it out for you to actually realize that he meant to you more than a friend.

The first one was your mother although not as subtly but rather by saying that she was happy that you were now with Kazutora which took you by surprise because you weren’t.

That wasn’t the end of it, but only the beginning.

The next one was Hina one day you were sleeping over at her house, but the cherry on top was Chifuyu.

“Hey, I know it’s not really my business, but when are you going to get together?” he asked one time when you went out for coffee.

“What?” you asked mindlessly, stirring some sugar into your beverage.

“Yeah, you’re kind of driving me crazy, it’s kind of annoying feeling like a third-wheel without actually being one, just get it over with” he spoke before taking a sip from his own cup.

“What?” you snapped your head back to him.

“Is that the only thing you’re gonna say?” he looked at you through half-lidded eyes.

“Yes, because I honestly don’t understand a single thing of what you’re saying” you shook your head and took a sip from your coffee.

“What I’m saying is that it’s obvious that you like Kazutora” he said matter-of-factly.

“Of course I like him, he’s my friend, I like you too”.

“No, you don’t, you like me as your friend but you like Kazutora in a different way, a lovey-dovey way” he deadpanned.

“No, Kei-” you began just like you did whenever your mother used to bring up your love life or thereof lack of it.

“Baji-san has been gone for years already” he cut you, wincing as he said that and to you his words felt like a slap across your face.

“Look, I know, trust me, I do, but it’s been long enough and if there is someone that makes you feel good you should go for it, he wouldn’t want you being unhappy for him” he sighed and with a hand pushed his hair back.

“He asked me to take care of you because he wanted you to be alright, he wanted you to be happy and he’d probably punch me if I simply stood by and watched you being miserable” he pushed his cup to the side, leaned over the table to grab you by the shoulders and looked into your eyes seriously.

“I know you like him, don’t be an idiot, it’s painfully obvious with how you look at him and spend almost all of your free time with him, Baji-san won’t be mad at you for finding someone new and I believe that he’d be happy that it is Kazutora of all people”.

Before you could respond to that, the sound of a new message cut you off and when you looked sideways to your phone on the table, a soft smile graced your lips when Kazutora’s name appeared on the screen. Without thinking you opened it and it was some random video of a kitten; somewhere along the way it became a thing between you and it reminded you of how Keisuke used to send you daily pictures of the cats that went to his house.

“It’s Kazutora, right?” Your face grew hot once you came back to reality, remembering suddenly with whom you were and what you were talking about.

“I’ll let you be, but don’t be an idiot and let yourself be happy” and just like that Chifuyu ended that conversation and quickly changed topics.

You knew you liked him, you felt warm whenever he was around you, his voice soothed you even on the worst of days and you looked forward to his messages. You had learned to find comfort in his eyes but they were a wrong shade; not brown enough.

He wasn’t Keisuke. He’d never be.

A few days later you found yourself in the shop, helping around but constantly sending glances in his direction, his back facing towards you, looking painfully similar to Kei’s even down to the hair length, although the color wasn’t the right match with it’s blonde streaks you could still fool yourself into thinking it was him.

But then he’d turn to look at you and send a smile your way and there would be a beauty mark under golden eyes and a tiger tattoo where it shouldn’t have been and that smile was lacking a pair of prominent incisives peeking through.

You knew it was wrong to look at him searching for Keisuke, searching for your lost love in another, clinging to the remnants of his passing through the world but you missed him so much.

At times you felt like you couldn’t even breathe, you had even fallen asleep in front of his family grave after a long day if you went to visit at dawn after not being able to make it at morning but you had to visit him daily in order to feel in his company because if you ever thought of skipping a lump appeared in your chest crushing your heart.

Yet, even then, even when you realized it wasn’t Baji your heart would skip a bit and your stomach would twist.

Later that night you found yourself walking home with Kazutora by your side in complete but comfortable silence, feeling the warmth oozing from his arm that was left hanging at his side lightly brushing against yours, rising even the tiniest hair of your arm.

Kazutora had been going at it over and over for months. At first, when he realized what he felt for you he decided to bury it deep and forever carry it in silence but as time went on he craved your presence.

He started wishing for more, more smiles, those smiles to be only for him, he even found himself looking forward to getting hurt while playing with your cats because it meant that you would be cleaning up his hands and putting on a band-aid with the utmost care and attention even if they were the most insignificant scratches ever.

He liked having your attention, he liked that you replied to any message from him almost immediately; unless you were attending to a patient then you’d reply as soon as possible; he also liked how your eyes would get bigger whenever something amazed you or if you found something even remotely cute.

Your constant ramblings plagued his mind at every hour no matter if he was asleep. Hell, he even went to Baji’s grave to ask for permission to love you, even if he did so in silence he felt like he owed that much to his old friend because you were his girl after all.

Why did it have to be you? Why Baji’s? Why did you have to come into his life and be like the sun? You were too much for him, too perfect, too good while he was nothing but a mess, too fucked up, too far away from repair. For fuck’s sake, he was the one that took your boyfriend away, he would have been better off handling your hate but instead you were there giving him so much it almost pained him, only adding up to his guilt.

This had to be some sick game of the universe. God must have been having the time of his life laughing at how the killer fell in love with the victim’s old love.

Before any of you knew, you had already gotten home and like it became custom you invited him inside for a cup of tea.

As soon as you opened the door, your three babies rushed to the entryway to greet you, Jin being the very first, you hadn’t taken two steps inside when he was already brushing himself against your legs. The other two weren’t too far but to your disappointment Leo approached Kazutora before even looking at you.

“I’ll stop bringing you here, you’re stealing them away from me” you pouted while kneeling down to hug Jin who looked at Kazutora with no distaste, then you picked up Blue and let him nuzzle your neck, after that still holding him you went to rub Leo with your free hand once he finally took notice of you and remembered who bought him food and toys.

Kazutora’s hearty laugh filled your ears pulling your mouth from the pout into a smile.

“Leo knows who’s the cool one” he winked your way. “I’m kidding, he likes you more” he looked down at said cat “right pal? Isn’t your mom the absolute best?”

“Oh, shut up, flattery won’t take you anywhere” You felt blood rushing to your face so you stood up hiding your reddening face into Blue’s fur.

You hurried to the kitchen and then, out of his sight was when you put Blue down and started to boil some water, hearing over it as the door closed and seconds later Kazutora appeared with the other two trailing behind.

You ended up splayed on the bigger couch in your living room, your back leaning against his side while Jin laid on top of your legs while in Kazutora’s rested the other two cats. At that moment you were with your eyes closed, mindlessly caressing Jin while you listened to Kazutora talk to your cats in a baby voice that you wouldn’t have expected from him the first time you met.

For him it wasn’t easy to keep his cool, he had to school his face even if you weren’t looking at him and oh, his heart was so loud it was about to jump out of his chest and he wouldn’t mind but he didn’t want you to listen.

I’m sorry Baji.

A meow of protest fell on deaf ears since he had stopped caressing Leo and Blue, instead turning his full attention towards you.

You turned your head and suddenly you found yourself way too close to his face; so much you could’ve counted every single of his lashes; staring up at a pair of golden eyes that were looking at you and only you as if you had been the one to hang up the stars in the sky.

His features were delicate, so beautiful it was heartstopping, he looked almost otherworldly; and not only because the ghost of Baji’s face lingered in his in a particular way; but there was a certain glimmer in his eyes that you had been noticing from a few days leading to that one, only that then it shined brighter than ever.

Unbeknownst to you, your eyes were reflecting Kazutora’s shine and your heart was beating to the same tempo as his starting up a melody of their own with your breathing getting caught up in your lungs making up the rhythm accompanying your song.

You were being drawn into each other like opposite poles of a magnet, barely any resistance was there and soon enough you met in the middle. At first it was the softest brush; like when you first dip your toe before jumping into the water; but it started a whole revolution inside both.

The brush became a second and then your lips were pressing against each other, basking in the warmth that radiated off that single contact that sparked a bunch of reactions at the same time. Your heart went off, your lungs closed; forgetting for that moment that they needed air and not that man to keep kissing you; and for the briefest moment your mind stopped thinking about Baji.

Kazutora was ready to die, if he was sent to hell at that very moment he’d be glad because at least he got a taste of heaven and it was more than enough. He decided then and there that he was bound to be cursed because how did a monster like him manage to get a kiss from an angel such as yourself? It must have been a sin for something so tainted to even look your way.

He didn’t know when your hand placed itself on the side of his neck but he knew that he was yours, if there was any doubt of that up until that point, it vanished with the way you were gently caressing his tattoo as if you were tracing it by memory, as if you had paid close attention to him, as if he mattered, as if he was something more than a broken thing.

Something inside you moved when a whimper escaped his lips the first time you pulled away for a mere second in order to get air before going in once more, this time ready to open your mouth and let him take while you explored. It felt nice, new; which was to be expected since the last time you had kissed someone this way had been with Baji.

Keisuke.

You opened your eyes and suddenly pulled away, almost as if his touch burned you; and in a way it could be said to be true; and your violent movement startled the three cats that you had ignored moments before, making them leave for your room.

The image of your beloved; death; boyfriend took Kazutora’s place, brown replaced gold and the beauty mark vanished, the yellow strands that framed his face turned jet black and the smile you’d been missing like crazy; that particularly his that showed his teeth was there.

You blinked a few times and his image left, allowing you to see Kazutora for who he was and not the ghost of him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came to me” he looked at you with tears gathering in his eyes almost pleading and you realized how it must have looked to him.

“No, Tora, I-”

I’m an idiot, I blew this up. Again I’ve just gone and ruined what good I had.

“I’m going now” he stood up and left for the door, leaving you alone and cold on the couch.

I’m sorry Keisuke.

You stood up and went after, finding him in the doorway hastily putting on his shoes but you grasped his arm to stop him.

“I will leave right now, it’ll be like nothing happened” you caught a glimpse of a tear trailing down his cheek and that sight prompted you to speak.

“No” your other hand reached for the fabric of his shirt, securing him.

“Y/N”

“I don’t want you to leave, I-” the words choked you, there was too much you had to say and your mouth wasn’t responding as fast as you would’ve liked.

“Don’t ask me to stay because if you do it’ll only hurt more when you tell me it was a mistake”

“But it wasn’t a mistake, I want you, okay? Kazutora, I like you” you at least managed to say the one thing that was clear in your mind, that had been clear for a long time but only got accepted after that one conversation with Chifuyu.

That certainly stopped him, for he turned around to fully face you and you saw his eyes filled to the brim in tears that he refused to let run freely.

You reached for his face as slowly as the first time you two met, giving him enough space to retreat, but how could he when the thing he wanted most was to be with you and bask in the calm that your presence brought into his messy life? When he didn’t give any signs of pulling away you smiled and cupped his cheeks as if you were holding a piece of glass; and in a way Kazutora was just as fragile as that material when it came to you.

He leaned into your touch, and you were bold enough to pull him in and rest your foreheads together, looking with all seriousness into his eyes, having deja vu of the first day.

“Why? Why? I- what I did to Baji, you know what I’ve done, I don’t”

“I really can’t say, I just do, it’s, it’s hard, okay?” you closed your eyes for a brief second before continuing.

“I swore that there wouldn’t be anyone else and now, now you are here and I like being with you but I know that is way different from how it is with anyone else, it’s something more, something I never thought I’d be able to feel again”

He smiled through his tears because after all he’s done, every mistake in his life said that he didn’t deserve you and yet there you were.

“But I also have to be honest with you” he braced himself for what would be your next words.

“I still love Keisuke, I will probably still be loving him even fifty years from now and that is something that will never change, he was my first friend, first time holding hands, my first love, first kiss, many firsts, he took most of them” you gave out a wobbly smile.

“He’s forever imprinted in my skin and I’ll always be his” he lowered his gaze at that. “But if you can accept that I’m willing to try this, I never dated; not really, not an actual relationship; after him but I wouldn’t mind it being you, I think we deserve a chance”.

His heart was thumping inside his chest making it harder to process everything so you waited while his mind raced. Kazutora looked into your eyes and knew he had to take the chance because you were what he needed and even if he was undeserving you thought him worthy.

A selfish part of him, the bad side said that he should be glad because if Baji was there he knew you would have chosen him, a thousand times you’d have chosen Baji over Kazutora and that pained him but what pained him the most was the fact that a tiny part of him was happy because now he had the chance to be with you.

He was taking the life Baji should’ve had, but he’d take good care of you.

He could live being second best if that meant he got to have you.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo manji gang #tokyo revengers fanfiction #kazutora x reader #kazutora hanemiya #kazutora x you #kazutora x y/n #baji x reader #baji keisuke #fem reader #x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #TR

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artaylorsblog · 2 years ago

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Falling in Love with my Husbad

I loved my husband when we were dating. I cared for him and enjoyed being around him. I appreciated the type of man he was and his standards. These are significant reasons as to why I chose to say, "I do."

My husband is my best friend, and there is no other on this earth I am more vulnerable around. He and I have good times and bad times. Sometimes we struggle to like each other and wonder how we get to the other side of a problem. Yet, here we are trucking along with laughter, fussing, crying, kissing and contentment of each other's presence.

What we are learning: Marriage constantly has all these outside forces pushing and pulling with the ultimate goal of division. Sometimes people can be unintentional forces that create a divide and, sometimes worse, intentional. Hence, marriage needs a lot of nurture to withstand the continual tests of this world.

What we've noticed: With each argument or problem-solving that we overcome and choose to love through, we become closer and closer. I love him more today than I've ever loved him. The more we run to God each time we are upset with each other, the more he unites us.

What we've learned: God is the only one that can fulfill our needs. We often put too much on our partners to somehow fulfill. After all, they are who we let our hair down around and who we've vowed ourselves to forever. They are who know us at our ugliest and weakest moments, however, they are just the ones that we physically see.

What we know: God is the only one that knows our deepest ugliest self. Those things we see, think, or do when no one else is around. No other knows the darkest, most sinful thoughts we've had in our lifetime. Therefore the one we are most vulnerable to is God. He is who we must run to for success in this world and most importantly our marriage. He knows our spouse better than us. He knows the best way to word something, he knows the best time to say I'm sorry, he knows how to approach the other. If we run to him, we will run towards each other.

The Truth: Marriage is so much work! No one says it's easy, so saying its work is an understatement. However, the joining together of two people is a beautiful thing because of the long-suffering to unite as one. God joins us together when we make those vows to each other, just like when we publicly confess our relationship with Jesus Christ. Nothing shows a more excellent example of marriage. Just like when the believer's nature is changed, it is a lifelong process to become more and more like Christ. The same is with our marriage. It will be a lifelong commitment to continue to strive to become more and more unified. Every time we choose to overcome, continue to love, and run towards God, we become closer and closer to each other and, in return, strengthen our relationship with the creator.

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swissmissficrecs · 4 years ago

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Favorite Sherlock Holmes fics from 2020

Usually I put a bunch of explanations and disclaimers on these lists but you know what, it was a weird year and I’m not going to try to justify or apologize for what I read or didn’t read so here are my favorites that were completed last year, in descending order of length:

and your very flesh shall be a great poem by CaitlinFairchild (151K, E, Johnlock) After a tragic confrontation with terrible consequences, Sherlock and John follow Mary as she flees to America.

Drawn to Stars by Silvergirl (107K, E, Johnlock, Sherlock/OMC) After the Culverton Smith case Sherlock is clean, working, and looking for a romantic partner—since John has told him that’s what he needs. Shame John didn’t mention he was interested in that role himself, before Sherlock went off to Rome with a gorgeous Italian copper to try to fall in love and become a complete human being. (This one is very slightly cheating because it was finished on 30 Dec 2019, but it didn't make it onto my 2019 list because I didn't read it until after I'd made the list. And it deserves to be on a Best Of list, so here it is.)

Thermocline by J_Baillier (83K, M, Johnlock) John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Do No Harm by Calais_Reno (79K, T, Johnlock) In 1923, Dr John Watson is on trial for the murder of his lover, Mary Morstan, a writer of popular mysteries. If convicted, he will hang. Sherlock Holmes sets out to prove his innocence, but finds himself more and more infatuated with the handsome doctor, and deeper and deeper inside the bohemian world of London's painters, playwrights, and poets. Will he uncover the evidence needed to acquit him in time?

To Be Human by ohlooktheresabee (78K, NR, Johnlock) There is a serial killer on the loose with a penchant for collecting the brains of his victims. Sherlock, John and Scotland Yard are on the case, but something about the chosen victims has Sherlock on edge. While they piece together the clues that will lead to the killer, John begins to realize that the way his best friend thinks may sometimes be more a hindrance than a help….

immediate and inglorious by simplyclockwork (72K, E, Johnlock) Bodies are showing up in back alleys, with no sign of a struggle, no trace of drugs. If not for the strangulation bruises on their necks and the scythe carved into their left shoulders, they could have died peacefully, in their sleep. With New Scotland Yard dumbfounded by the Grim Reaper Killer case, Sherlock is called in to consult. The more he investigates, the deeper Sherlock finds himself drawn into the work of London's newest serial killer. As his views of good and bad begin to blur, he risks losing himself to a darkness he never imagined. And, even more pressing: where does John Watson, grieving ex-boyfriend of the Grim Reaper's latest victim, fit into all of this?

Curtain Rising by tiger_in_the_flightdeck (61K, E, Johnlock) A disgraced television star is the target of a series of death threats just after a theatre production’s adaptation of The Sound of Music is announced with her as the lead. The suspect list is a mile long and growing, Rosie Watson is in the spotlight, and Sherlock might be getting too fond of his time on stage to focus on the case. With opening night approaching, can he and John figure out who wants their client dead before her final curtain rises?

The Fire Finds a Home by fearfully_beautifully_made (61K, E, Johnlock) After Sherlock and John decide to give having a relationship a go, this is how their relationship starts to develop. There a little bit of plot, if you squint, but it was mostly an excuse to write John and Sherlock having sex in a lot of different ways and learning to love each other.

Borrowed Ghosts by DiscordantWords (57K, M, Johnlock) In the aftermath of the Culverton Smith case, John spent one painfully stilted afternoon hanging out with Sherlock. He counted the minutes, finished his tea, and left for home without ever clearing the air between them. And once he'd left, he found it very hard to go back.

You Might Just as Well Be Blind by ArwaMachine (56K, E, Johnlock) When a serial killer starts targeting couples, Sherlock and John must do what they have to do in order to get to the bottom of things. Unfortunately, John already has a girlfriend. Surely pretending to be in a relationship with Sherlock won't pose any problems with his relationship, will it?

The Broken Tether by J_Baillier (54K, M, Johnlock) Maybe he thinks that you only enjoy his company because of the Work, because of the way his dazzling intellect shines when he's in his element, but the truth is this: it is when he is at his most human, most bare, that you feel closest to him.

how the light gets in by subtext-is-my-division (Quill_A) (54K, E, Johnlock) Red wine always makes him tipsier than usual and he finds himself saying, the words slurring a bit. “You know, I’ve got to ask. Do you always shoot cabbies for people you barely you know?” John meets his gaze over the rim of his glass, and there’s something there that Sherlock can’t pin down. “Not for everyone,” he says, meaningfully, pointedly, his smile all teeth.

Erosion by saintscully (53K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock’s father falls ill, leaving the surviving family members broken and rudderless. James Sholto shows up in London unexpectedly, his intentions unclear. John has to navigate the consequences of crime, illness and death and their impact on his frayed relationship with Sherlock.

Hold You Like a Weapon by MissDavis (52K, E, Johnlock) Eurus shows up at 221B Baker Street in labour. Things go downhill from there.

Chances Are by Berty (51K, M, Johnlock) Sherlock is spending some time in his mind palace - so far, so normal. But why is John there, why do things keep changing and why are there only two exits from the sitting room at 221B, neither of which seem to go anywhere useful? It's a case like no other for Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.

Sine Nomine by SilentAuror (45K, E, Johnlock) As Mycroft reviews the footage from Culverton Smith's morgue, he revisits his original question: whether John Watson would be the making of his brother, or make him worse than ever. He's come to a conclusion, but decides to give John one last chance. So he gives him a choice.

Cockaigne by HollyShadow88 (38K, E, Johnlock) When John’s contacted by an old uni friend about problems in his new art exhibition, he doesn’t think it will be worth Sherlock’s time. After a glance of the crime scene, however, they’re both pulled into the project in ways John didn’t expect. Will a week of erotic performance art finally be enough to bring them together in the way they both secretly hope? (Spoiler: it’s a tropey fic, of course it will)

Written in Ashes by 88thParallel (37K, M, Johnlock) Sherlock becomes the prime suspect in a homicide case, and recently unearthed memories of his childhood are complicating matters. It's up to John to track down answers — can he help Sherlock before it's too late?

A Desperate Indulgence by LollipopCop (34K, M, Johnlock) John thinks it's 2012 after waking up with amnesia, having no memory of Mary. Sherlock, exhausted from years of tension and hiding his love, pretends they got married instead.

Inhale With Ease by Vulpesmellifera (25K, E, Johnlock) In the years after Vivian Norbury's capture, life seems to work out just as John planned. He's got that respectable job at the surgery and goes home to his wife and child. He joins Sherlock on cases a couple times per week. It's a rhythm he can live with - just enough adrenaline highs to balance out the drudgery of a normal bloke's life. Until a pandemic, and Victor Trevor, arrive in London.

The House on Rue des Boulangers by Berty (24K, M, Johnlock) After being invalided out of the army and without any other prospects, John Watson has relocated to a small town in northern France. Now he has to decide what to do for the rest of his life. One morning there's a mad stranger in his garden chasing a swarm of bees, and it seems John's decision is made.

High Mountain Tea Leaves by disfictional (23K, E, Johnlock) A mountaintop robbery on a Japanese-occupation-era train where the only item stolen was a small case of mysterious tea leaves in a backpack? An ideal Christmas gift, two days late. Sherlock convinces John to travel for tea.

Detours by saintscully (22K, M, Johnlock, Sherlock/OMC) During the better part of the first year following Mary's death and the events at Sherrinford, Sherlock and John are slowly rebuilding their lives and their friendship. All seems (relatively) well and John takes comfort in once again being a father, a doctor and a friend. An unexplained shift in Sherlock's behaviour catches John by surprise, and he begins to worry about his place in his friend's life. John has to examine everything he thought he knew about Sherlock, himself and their relationship in order to win his rightful place yet again.

hands full of matter by simplyclockwork (21K, E, Johnlock) When Sherlock is captured in Serbia, Mycroft cannot afford to involve the British government in his rescue. Instead, he sends John. After two years spent thinking Sherlock was dead, John finds himself navigating not only Sherlock’s rescue but their fractured friendship as well.

The Victim Experience by J_Baillier (16K, T, Gen) A case takes Sherlock and John deep into the seedy underbelly of the haunted attractions industry. With audiences craving more and more intense experiences, is a real murder the next logical step?

On the Fence by BeautifulFiction (13K, T, Johnlock) The murder of the King's College fencing champion leads to revelations about Sherlock's past. Will it be the point that tips them from friends to lovers, or will they remain on the fence?

Plus bonus ACD era:

"Baker Street: The Sleep of Reason": A Memoir by John H. Watson, M.D. by Gaedhal (98K, M, Johnlock, Johniarty) This is a Victorian Era story in the "Sherlock Holmes" (2009) Ritchie-verse. The main characters are Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson and is from the doctor's memoirs. It was written before "A Game of Shadows" so there are differences in this story and film canon, mainly in the person and backstory of one particular character.

The Taste of Truth by sanguinity (25K, T, Johnlock) Two and a half years after Reichenbach, John Watson discovers the magical tree that caused Holmes to fake his death.

The Adventure of the Vatican Cameos by Garonne (18K, E, Johnlock) How should one behave when waking for the first time in the bed of one's dearest friend? Holmes and Watson solve a case in Catholic London while navigating the turbid waters of their new relationship.

Hot Water by wordybirdy (13K, E, Johnlock, Watson/Gregson) Dr. John Watson's libidinous affair with a respected Scotland Yard inspector abruptly judders to a halt when the former meets a certain Mr. Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective, for the very first time. The attraction between the two is strongly mutual, but misunderstandings only multiply and tensions abound, as all three men attempt to deal with the new situation.

#rec list #best

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demi-shoggoth · 3 years ago

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2022 Reading Log, pt 11

It’s taken me a while to get up the energy to read this month, let alone reflect on what I’ve read. But here’s what I’ve been reading lately.

50a. Show Me the Bone by Gowan Dawson. I wanted to like this book; I really did. The concept is interesting: it’s about Georges Cuvier and his “Law of Association”, which claimed that the entire structure of an extinct or unknown organism could be inferred from a single bone or tooth (hence the title). And the thesis is interesting: it’s about how this original concept was distorted to fit multiple social, political and scientific agendas in England, culminating in its most visible incarnation of the Crystal Palace dinosaur sculptures, which make large, sweeping, and generally incorrect assumptions about the animals they depict. But the writing is so dull. The authorial voice embodies almost all of the bad habits of academic writing, to the point where getting through the book is a real chore. This is a book that I might come back to given a lot of free time and nothing else to read, but I’m too busy (and there’s so many books I’d rather enjoy) to struggle through it.

51. Phases of the Moon: A Cultural History of the Werewolf Film by Craig Ian Miller. The title refers to the main thesis—that there are phases of werewolf movies where the monster represents different ideas, rather than being a monolithic “the beast within” signifier, as werewolves are often reduced to. The book talks about Larry Talbot as being representative of the American experience in WWII in the Wolf Man sequels, discusses the fear of disease and the division of mental and physical illness with An American Werewolf in London, the anxiety about teen subcultures and school shootings in Ginger Snaps, and a lot more. One thing I particularly liked about the book is that it discusses some movies about non-werewolf shapeshifters when they’re thematically relevant (like a compare/contrast between Cat People and its dumber, werewolf ripoff Cry of the Werewolf).

52. Drakōn by Daniel Ogden. Now here’s a dense academic book that actually reads well. This is a survey of dragons and snakes in Greek mythology, religion and culture, starting with a look at the various myths about dragons and dragon slayers, and then moving to anguiform gods and snake cults. Although the basic stories are fairly familiar to me, there’s a lot of material that was new, typically sourced from authors whose works are less known and translated than Ovid, Homer or Hesiod. The last chapter talks about early Christian dragon lore, leading of course to Saint George, and how this was influenced by Greco-Roman ideas of how dragons worked. The one thing I wish this book had were more images. A lot of pottery and sculpture is described without being illustrated—we get accession numbers (many of the pieces that are not shown are from the Louvre) and occasional “reproductions by the author”, but a lot goes without images. Especially since some of the depictions sound wild (like a Hecate with a snake body, snakes for hair and two dog heads emerging from her torso).

53. Sticky: The Secret Science of Surfaces by Laurie Winkless. This is yet another popular science book from Bloomsbury Sigma, and like the rest of the line, it’s very good. The theme of the hour is material science, namely about the properties of surfaces and friction. Each chapter looks into applied physics for one particular topic—breaking the sound barrier, the behavior of rock causing earthquakes, and how geckos stick to ceilings are all discussed, to give you an idea of the breadth of the book. Each chapter highlights how much we still don’t know about friction, while simultaneously discussing how much we do know and can apply, even if the exact mechanisms are still debated. I never knew that the physics of curling were so contentious.

54. Envisioning Exoplanets by Michael Carroll. See folks, this is why you need an editor. This book is by one of the foremost authorities on the hunt for exoplanets (planets outside of the Solar System), and talks about how we find them, what we have found, what the planets are like and which ones may be able to support life. The art is gorgeous, showing images of stars, moons and planets vastly unlike ours but still seeming familiar and realistic. Unfortunately, the book is very poorly organized. Topics will change between paragraphs, or even within a paragraph, without warning or transition, or seemingly any obvious relationship between topics. Technical terms will be used before they are formally defined. Units are used interchangeably (notably AU, kilometers, and no actual numbers, just approximations of distance compared to the Sun’s planets). The overall effect is very stream of consciousness, as if you were having a conversation with an expert who was only sort of invested in making sure they were understood. There’s good stuff in this book, but sorting it out was a frustrating experience.

55. The Sleeping Beauties and Other Stories about Mystery Illness by Suzanne O’Sullivan. I didn’t realize that this was a follow-up when I grabbed this from the library, but this is a sort of sequel to Is It All In Your Head? which I read last year. The topic is again psychosomatic illnesses, but this time how they are viewed and manifested in different cultural lenses. The titular “sleeping beauties” are children, usually female, who go comatose in Sweden as a response to the threat of deportation. Other stories highlight how particular combinations of environment, culture and trauma manifest as physical symptoms, and how the cycle of pathologising normal fluctuations in pain, attention and the like are perhaps a Western manifestation of culture bound illness.

#reading log #exoplanet #astronomy #medicine #psychosomatic illness #material science #physics #history of science #paleontology #werewolf #werewolves #horror movies #dragons #greek mythology

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itsclydebitches · 3 years ago

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Please stop putting Rwde in the main tags holy shit. Blocked tags dont work on trending tags

Okay, today we're going to have a talk about curating your own content online. This isn’t the first time I’ve had an anon, somewhat angrily, demand that I stop using the “RWBY” tag and I’m sure it won’t be the last. However, my answer remains the same: No. Sorry. I’m not going to stop. Why?

Because my posts are about RWBY.

In case the above isn’t answer enough, let’s do a quick FAQs.

Why are you using the “RWBY” tag when so many of your posts are critical?

Because, as said, my posts are about RWBY. That’s the subject. I’ve been in the RWBY tumblr fandom for over five years now. I want all my RWBY content accessible in one place on my blog, not divided up between praise posts, critical posts, fanart, fic, etc. If an easy division between the first two is even possible (which it's not). It’s just all RWBY and, oddly enough, when I started reblogging and posting here, I tagged it with “RWBY.” Because that’s the show. My tagging system is far from complex, but I’m not about to re-organize or switch up 228 pages of content.

But we decided a long time ago that critical posts shouldn’t go in the main tag.

That’s ridiculous. People realize that’s ridiculous, right? I mean, I know we've all mostly agreed to observe this self-imposed rule, but that doesn't mean I haven't been raising an eyebrow at it since it first came up. I’ve been in a lot of fandoms and I’ve never seen another that insisted only praise could go in the main tag. When you come on tumblr and want to look up RWBY posts, you expect to get everything about RWBY—any post that deals with that subject. I would stake a great deal on the assumption that there are other posts in the main tag that you dislike, anon, simply because that's how people work. We all don't like the same things and, indeed, in a long-running show with a massive cast, there's going to be stuff we hate too. Ships you can't stand, takes you think are awful, that character you’re just so sick of seeing… yet we don’t exclude other, major subjects from the tag just because certain individuals dislike them. If we did, there would be no “RWBY” search because no one would ever agree on what is and is not allowed.

You have “RWDE” though.

We do! And as evidenced by the post you’re upset with, I use it when I think it's warranted. Here’s the thing about “RWDE” though: no one can agree on that either. Some fans think “RWDE” is solely for the angry, curse-laden posts. Others think it’s only for posts that are 100% critical. Others think it’s for ranting critical posts, not analysis critical posts. Still others think it’s for posts that say anything bad about RWBY, no matter if other parts of the post are complimentary or neutral—with "bad" ranging from "Actively insulting aspects" to "I didn't praise this enough to the individual's liking." It's so subjective as to be almost useless, to the point where "RWDE" posters are currently upset that others are posting critical takes about "RWDE" takes. Where do we draw the lines then? Your guess is as good as mine. But the one time I tried to post solely in “RWDE,” I was getting different anons going, “Omg stop posting in rwde this isn’t rwde!” So… my posts are apparently too critical for “RWBY” and, often, not critical enough for “RWDE.” Fantastic.

Just create your own unique tag then.

On the social media website where we post specifically to have other people interact with our work? You may not like my posts, anon, but other people do. “RWBY” is useful in part because it allows like-minded people to find me. If I only used a unique tag, I’d never come up in searches. Besides, I already do have a unique tag: “mymetas.” Every critical RWBY post of mine has that attached. Thus, it’s your job to blog “RWDE,” “mymetas,” or me entirely.

I tried that though and tumblr’s blocking system didn’t work for [insert reason here]

I really am sorry to hear that, it sucks, but tumblr’s shoddy system is not my fault—nor my responsibility. And now we come to the part about curating our online experience. Sometimes it’s not just about blocking everything because the system itself is flawed. Often you have to go further by scrolling past.

I'm going to say that again because people really need to practice it more on tumblr: scroll past the content you don't like.

If you don’t like a post, don’t read it. If you start reading a post and realize you don’t like it, stop and go find something else you enjoy. Being a responsible fan online often means going, “Huh. I hate that” and moving on, not coming into the author’s inbox to demand that they—impossibly—ensure that you never have to see something you hate ever again. Anon, you spent more time with something you claim to dislike by coming into my inbox to write and send a message demanding that I stop using "RWBY" than you would have by simply ignoring my post and moving on. That tells me you care more about controlling others' online experience than you do managing your own.

But we don’t want to see critical takes in the “RWBY” tag! We come on tumblr because we love the show and it sucks to see people dragging it all the time. I just want to enjoy the show in peace.

A valid stance… and one that doesn’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to RWBY. Between the time I posted about the teaser and the time I saw this ask, two hours had passed and a hundred and four new posts had appeared in “RWBY." I know because I took the time to count. The RWBY critical community is absolutely miniscule compared to the rest of the fandom. There are maybe 2-7 new “RWDE” posts a day, max, and those are coming from a few key blogs that focus on analyzing the show. There is no scenario in which there are so many critical posts that it’s ruining your RWBY time on tumblr, simply because that amount of critical content doesn’t exist. And if seeing a single critical take from my blog—or even 2-4, because that's my own max per day—honestly upsets you to the extent that you can't just move on, you shouldn’t be on a website known for its diverse content and incredibly iffy blocking system. My posts exist in a sea of RWBY excitement, praise, and celebration. It is your job to scroll past, anon, not my job to play a subjective, rigged game to ensure you never brush past a single bit of seaweed in that massive, ever-expanding ocean.

What this argument comes down to is, “You’re not allowed to tag RWBY content with RWBY because I don’t like what you have to say.” Sorry, but that just doesn't work for me.

#rwby #rwde #mymetas

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lubdubsworld · 4 years ago

Text

Better Man. ( Taehyung x Oc)

Rated 18 +

Post Divorce, Getting Back Together, Second chances, Angst.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 ~ Its okay to want something to end and also be sad that its ending.

With infidelity, its never black and white.

There’s different kinds of infidelity and you can’t ever say which is worse. That depends entirely on the people involved and the values they hold dear. What may be a small indiscretion to someone, may well be an unforgivable act of betrayal to someone else.

And that’s fine. People aren’t one dimensional. We can’t all have the same perspective.

So infidelity is also never one dimensional.

Sometimes its a one night stand. Something done and forgotten. Discarded from the mind like the used condom in the motel room floor.

Sometimes its a dear friend who betrays you, your best friend who apparently always had a thing for your husband and felt perfectly fine making a move on him. That one stings . Because you lose two people. Two very important people at the same time.

Sometimes its a coworker, someone who stays by their side majority of the day. Who offers a sympathetic ear when your husband wants to relax.

Sometimes men just fall out of love and are too much of a coward to say it out loud, opting to cheat on you instead.

Sometimes, they are jealous, of your career, of your kid, or your friends. Too lazy to win your affection they go find satisfaction in some one else’s bed.

Sometimes it never even gets physical. Sometimes its just someone catfishing your husband or sending him nudes.

And sometimes, its an emotional connection. They actually fall deeply in love with someone else and I think, for most women, that would be the one that would sting the most.

With Taehyung, it had been a night of drinking. He had had one drink too many, had tumbled into bed with some trainee a decade younger and had broken our marriage vows.

Not really a very thought out or planned mistake. He hadn’t cheated with the intent to cheat. He had just been too drunk to know better.

So, why did I leave him?

Because it hadn’t been about the cheating.

It had been the drinking.

When we first met, Taehyung couldn’t hold his liquor. Not that it mattered because he didn’t like it all that much. Didn’t mind sipping juice when other’s nursed beers.

But as he grew older, as he grew more successful, he had started accepting drinks from producers and directors and fellow actors... Because, it was rude not to and Kim Taehyung was nothing if not the personification of politeness.

His tolerance hadn’t increased but his drinking had and that was a bad combo.

:”You need to stop doing this Tae. You can’t just come home black out drunk, every time you have an after party.... You’re going to hurt yourself or god forbid someone else... some day and I’m not going to sit here and wait for you to wreck your entire life over a stupid drink....”

It was a speech I had made way too many times. The words recycled and reframed, and rearranged to try and give them more weight , to help him realize how serious the issue was. To help him understand that what he was risking, it wasn’t just his reputation. It was his entire career, his life if he somehow got behind a wheel someday.

And Taehyung, who had won a bunch of Daesangs for his acting always convinced me that he understood what I was trying to say. That he understood the magnitude of my words and would heed them the next time.

So really, what people didn’t understand was that....

That evening, when he stood in front of me and said that he slept with another woman because he got drunk out of his mind, it wasn’t the sleeping with the girl that had bothered me. ( at least not that much. it hurt of course but it wasn’t that strong. it stemmed more from a place of “why didn’t you just ask someone to drive you home, you idiot.”.. rather than, “ how dare you sleep with another woman?” )

It was the got drunk out of my mind thing.

That was what I ended my marriage over.

That was it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The details were hashed out easily and I didn’t particularly protest or change anything. Taehyung suggested an equal division of assets and I quickly disagreed. I wasn’t exactly poor. I worked as the Head of Marketing in a successful conglomerate. I had no use for excessive amounts of money. After some debate we agreed on setting up a trust fund for Hoshi with the money. He could use it after he turned twenty five.

And then came the next part.

Compensation for physical / Mental Damage.

I felt like i was spiraling.

“None On my side. None.” Taehyung said quickly and I swallowed.

Ms Lee gave me an encouraging smile.

“You can be honest Mrs Kim. We’re trying to go for a clean break between the two of you without any resentment carrying over. So its best to be honest. If you feel you need recompense for any emotional distress or abuse Mr. Kim may have put you through, you’re free to tell me. I’ll make sure it goes into record.”

And this was why I hated the idea of getting divorce.

That entire dialogue had sounded so...so... terrible. So accusatory and ugly. It wasn’t at all the way I felt about my husband.

It was just hurt. Plain and simple hurt because he didn’t take me seriously. Because he didn’t think my words were worth listening to. It was hurt laced with fear because he was putting himself in danger with his reckless actions and I wanted him to stop. That’s all it was.

It was hurt.

Taehyung had hurt me but it wasn’t emotional distress. It sure as hell hadn’t been abuse.

“None for me either.” I said firmly, honest .

I glanced at my husband, trying to tell him that I wasn’t just saying it. That it was true. I really didn’t want him to pay me money for what had happened.

But, Taehyung wouldn’t meet my eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taehyung signed over full custody of Hoshi with a smile.

“I trust you. “ He said quietly, penning his initials carefully on the document.

I nodded, feeling a little like drowning.

We had a very comfortable way of doing things as far as our son was concerned. Taehyung got Hoshi anytime he had time off and also on weekends.

With a very shifting schedule it was hard for Taehyung to pin down exact dates so we had long decided we would make things easier for each other. He would call me a day or so in advance and i would drop him off at Taehyung’s penthouse or the company. Special days like birthdays were always celebrated in a neutral place with both parties attending.

Hoshi loved it because it was a pleasant surprise for him, when his dad swooped in out of nowhere and took him off to amusement parks or arcades or swimming. He loved Taehyung .

So the visitation rights were easy to sketch out.

It was nothing new but to have it all put down on paper and initialed and notarized....it just felt invasive. Some judge somewhere would read all about how my marriage had crumbled to ashes and would pass judgment on me and that just felt odd.

Like airing your dirty laundry. Like letting strangers into your bedroom.

And the worst part was this : I felt myself getting upset , anytime Ms. Lee gave the slightest negative connotation to Taehyung’s actions or responsibilities. Anytime she tried to imply that he couldn’t be neglectful as a father, I wanted to jump right up and defend him. To tell her that he was a better father than the ones who lived 24/7 with their kids and didn’t know a damn thing about them.

That even as my husband, he had been so good to me. Had treated me like his best friend, his confidante, his lover. Had never shied away from showing me how much he loved me. Had been the best husband in the whole entire world.

And I hated myself for it.

What was wrong with me?

Why was I still so fiercely protective of him, I wondered. I hated the idea of him being criticized by anyone for any of it.

And it made feel like such a hypocrite because if he was so amazing, why on earth were we here??

Why on earth were we getting a divorce if Kim Taehyung was husband and father of the fucking Year?!!

Was I making a mistake? Had I made a mistake?

It confused me. These feelings that just refused to go away. I would never act on them because therein lay the path to misery but why were they still there?

This desperate clawing urge to make sure he came out of this whole debacle as a good guy. To make sure no one would brand him as a cheater . Because they would. When the divorce went public, they would dig things up and they would know.

I didn’t know how I’d gotten to this point where , I could somehow forget everything that was wrong, simply because I wanted to focus on what felt wrong....

Technically I should be happy.

Taehyung did something unpardonable ( for me, at the time. Now I wasn’t so sure. Now I felt like I could forgive him for it but he hadn’t asked for forgiveness. What he’d asked for was a divorce. ) and I left him. We were separated . And now finally we were getting a divorce.

Divorce meant we could finally get out of this no man’s land of uncertainty where we had hung for two whole years and move on, from each other and finally give a label to where we stood. Exes. We were exes. We were done. It was over.

Hadn’t I just yelled about him about how I liked labels?

And yet,

This entire divorce felt so wrong. So unnecessary.

And in a moment of clarity, as I watched Ms Lee read he whole thing over again for our benefit, I realized why it felt wrong.

It felt wrong because Taehyung was the one who wanted it.

Why did Taehyung want it? What had made him want to end it, officially?

Was he seeing someone else? Was he considering seeing someone else? Did he want to start enjoying the single lifestyle again?

Did he finally take a good long look at our marriage and found nothing worth salvaging anymore?

My head ached.

I couldn’t wait for the whole thing to be over. And yet my heart broke at the thought of it.

Ms Lee finally gathered up all the documents and gave us a wide smile.

“I wish every client I had was this reasonable. You two are a delight .” she shook her head. “ Should we get a drink to celebrate a day well spent?”

I opened my mouth to accept when Taehyung said, “ Sure, but it would have to be a juice for me. I don’t drink.”

I felt my heart take a swoop, nosediving to my knees.

I stared at him, stunned speechless.

“Haven’t had a drink in two years Mia. I’m done with that shit.” He said softly.

I swallowed.

“I didn’t know that.” I felt miserable all of a sudden, the weight of what we had just done pressing down on my heart like a 200 pound stone,

His gaze held mine.

“There’s a lot you don’t know.”

We stood staring at each other in silence and Ms. Lee cleared her throat.

“Uh... I just got a text from my next client. Maybe raincheck on the drinks? “

I nodded , watching her leave. Thank you i wanted to say, but for what?

For ending my marriage of eight fucking years?

And how ridiculous that very thought was. ..... She hadn’t ended our marriage, I had.

“I have the next two days off.” He said casually.

“You can pick Hoshi up from my mom’s place. I need to head back to the office.” I muttered, choking a little on tears that had sprung out of nowhere. .

“Hey.” his fingers closed over my wrists tugging me gently and I let myself get pulled into his arms. I hugged him, feeling my tears soak through the fabric of his shirt.

“I’m sorry it has to be this way.” I choked out.

He stroked the back of my head gently.

“Me too. “ He pressed a kiss to my hair and it only made me feel worse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : Tae is 35, OC is 32

#taehyung smut #taehyung fics #taehyung fanfic #taehyung #taehyung fanfics #bts fanfics #bts smut #bts fanfic

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