#i get to take an exam today so
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in my birthday era
#happy birthday#to me#digital art#bear’s art#doodles#green guy#purple person#persona art#personas#yes both of them are accurate as to how i’m feeling about being the birthday boy#i get to take an exam today so#that’s cool#birthday#is…it is my borfday#bear’s dumb unoriginal memes
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Brian bazinga based of that one episode where Sheldon gets sick and travels around using a screen
#clemart#clemspaint#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#mac opsys#prethinker#brian ttcc#my secret is that ive seen basically every episode of the bbt and now im watching it with a buddy#^ seen every one out of order. my parents watch it alot#i get sheldon.#anyways.#macs driving a kart btw#i finished my last exam today#funfact I thought it was originally today but apparently that was for the other section so I actually missed my exam but they#rescheduled it which is really nice but I probably flopped it#its all theoretics with math and its such a pain#BUT IM FREE I NO LONGER HAVE TO TAKE IT#i have so much art i want to work on over break that i might not be able to so take this in the meantime#i alsohave slop doodles that i did at 3am earlier this month but theyre embarrassing and im scared to post them
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I am really tired of a situation rn.
#fe three houses#felix hugo fraldarius#me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet!#anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine#can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 !#why am i getting your insurance company calling me today !#also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp#and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene#so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth#literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic#i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck!#im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like#bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved#cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered#idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy#got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam#and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified#there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them#and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious#its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it
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#trying so hard not to take it personal that no one showed up to todays tutoring session#I get that it is voluntary and most people don't have a lot of time now that exams are coming up#but at the same time#I am TRYING to prepare them for those exams!! and I spent a lot of time reviewing topics I haven't covered in a year to do that!!#I spent hours yesterday preparing this session#kind of sucks that all of that time was wasted.#like I do have to prepare myself for my own exams too and I could have done that instead of preparing this session that no one showed up to#we're usually a small group#like the highest amount of students I've ever taught in one session was 10 and usually there are 3-5#but no one??#:(#just feels like maybe they think I suck as a teacher or something...#vent#rambles
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miscellany (again),, tags in the last image by @pyrotechnicarus
#adamandi#vincent aurelius lin#quincy cynthius martin#ambrose wellington bassford#portia elizabeth harper#beatrix valeria campbell#bit of nonsense bit of sillies (ohhh she thinks she's so funny huh.. anyways the brainrot. out out out)#please don't ask me about them take them at face value laugh and move on or smth i keep worrying i've read them Wrong#these have been living in my head rent free for a week and i'm now evicting them politely#anyway i drew all these as scribbles in my sketchbook in-between exam week and today i wanted them out of my head. so digital it is#i've spent two hours on this haha as a. would you even guess. a break from the beatrix thingy i've been planning because that one's rendery#quiet little notes on this... um.. i have started drawing quincy (idk how!!!)#yknow after the last ambrose literal study. i'm kind of mad about the fact that doing an unintentional study Worked???#like. he's the ONE character i have a grasp of how to draw. everyone else is 'randomly whack until you get the vibes and vague structural#integrity'. can we talk about shape language real quick though because ambrose is oval beatrix is circle quincy is rectangle#vincent is square and portia is triangle. that's how it is in my head.#texture wise. vincent is charcoal and graphite. ambrose is traditional painting blended. beatrix is crosshatching and ink.#quincy is like... marker? and watercolour. portia is digital and cell shading. i can't explain any of the correlations they just Are#for the. oddly detailed quincent i Wasn't intending to draw i had to pull up the musical and re-reference them. could draw one then not the#other?? so i struggled with quincy until i Got them and then i couldn't for the life of me get vincent right.... is it something about like#drawing one character at a time? like there's only room in my mind to understand one set of proportions at any given moment???#a fun little fact was just that i began photo refs as always from hahnji jang's page (which has been? saved in my search autofill now??) an#i didn't even have to get a specific image of quincy being in angst. but for smiling vincent i had to purposefully find oh ms reporter#well! consider this yet another part in the trying to figure out how everyone looks like/vibes as/gets drawn as Characters#a secret little code i keep for the stuff i make now is that i need to have something about the drawn medium that makes it unique to itself#as like opposed to a gif or screenshot or photoedit. it has to have extra meaning. and this appears two ways: one is through Implications i#the more Finished stuff. (aka poster series?) and the other one is by engaging in Ideas (generally posts. or memes/incorrect quotes/etc.)#had a really really interesting convo with a friend irl about fanart and fandoms. they were really active for genshin and stuff and so the#experiences between large and small fandoms were fascinating to compare.. i think i prefer the .. intimacy(?) of just doing what i obsess#over instead of looking for the statistics and clout and notes now. the art i make feels more meaningful and intentional that way.
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why are my friends such haters
#as you all know i skipped school today#IT WAS LITERALLY GODS SIGN OK#there were technical problems with the railroad border/divider thingy#so my bus stood there for an HOUR#i was late to my most important (45 min) english class#otherwise i only eouldve had biology today and three hours of pe#literally not important for my upcoming exams at all (excluding my finals)#so i decided to just stay home today bc who knows when they’re gonna fix it and why bother going to school#and i just told my friends the problem i had with my laptop today#and they were like ‚this is your karma for not coming to school‘ BITCH?? i was literally so worried abt having to spend#like a lot of money again or something to fix my laptop#that thing cost me 1.5 THOUSAND EUROS you don’t just say thats my karma to it ????#and then i was like to them ‚it was literally gods sign for me to not go to school‘#AND THIS BITCH said ‚and this was your sign to go to school again‘ (my laptop problem happened right when i was home)#LIKE HELLO????? why are you guys hating on me i dont get it#this fuckass friend lowkey skips all the time and would‘ve done THE SAME if she was in my position#or if we were together in the bus which normally is the case just not today#like bro#and yeah my guy friend is such a hater anyway#sometimes it‘s funny but most of the time it’s not#those r btw the people who called me a discord mod ‚ just bc i was happy talking to my friends ‚ too#minus one but i feel like he would’ve been a hater as well#and like that guy friend said that he told my teacher that i‘m skipping school anyway????????? ehy would you do that???????#i texted my teacher abt the problem so she knew the truth but like bro I HATE YOU#sometimes i get sad that i‘m being left out a little from meet-ups because i can’t spontaneously come around bc i have to take a bus#and i know they meet with other friends instead of me then#which yeah really sucks lowkey because i dont have any other irl friends to meet other than them#but then they do this shit and i lowkey just can’t wait to move away and hopefully find new and better friends#sorry rant is over they‘ve just been getting on my nerves today#it‘s not nice to say my expensive laptop nearly breaking is my ‚karma‘ for not going to school today
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It has been 37 days since Prinxiety last interacted
#last interaction: sanders sides incorrect quotes 4#sanders sides#sander sides#prinxiety#virgil sanders#roman sanders#prinxiety countdown#guys im taking my exam today and then i will get back to work on a few more fusions before my fall semester starts 😭#i got some ideas for the rociet fusion but im super unhappy with it#so while that one bakes in my brain for a bit ill work on the analogical one
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Anyways. Need to put Romana thoughts on ice now because I have an exam in about uh 60 hours? And I have done like less than five percent of the studying I need to. I think this is the point where I need to start energy drinks
#i have never had an energy drink before actually because caffeine sometimes gives me panic attacks but I think we have reached a point#anyways I'm not getting anything done today anymore so I'll just go sleep super early and pray I've got energy#tomorrow#also i still have 36 hours to back out from this exam and I'm seriously considering it#but in that case I'd have to take it in april which frankly doesn't differ from if i fail now and then retake it in april#jae says stuff
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really need to sleep but. I just feel too happy :'3
#mole talks#i accidentally spent way too much time playing and having fun today :[#i drew so much and didn't revise for my spanish speaking exam#now i will walk into school tomorrow and probably not get as good a grade as i could've#but honestly i just dont caree. im good at spanish its gonna be alright#they can never take me down. im just too much of a silly individual to be taken down#wow normally i can't sleep because sadness but right now i can't sleep because happiness#sigh . shakes you chews on you#(affectionate)
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🪱🐛
#lol those emojis are so cute....#anyway i've been stuck real bad in procrastination and avoidance mode lately... like REAL bad#but now i started writing on one of my assignments. i think i can finish it today. or i'll email it to her and ask if it is passable or if i#need to add/change smth#i only care abt it being the minimum lol#and i also just made an appt to an .. a umm what is it called. and eye doctor. but not really doctor#just the place u go to get an examation of your sight done and then buy glasses lololol#now i just have to either send it by mail or go to the office to leave the paper and get it approved#i want to send it bc i have one of those envelopes and then i dont have to go there....#but also it is better to leave it myself bc then i know it is there and immediately when i leave it lol#otherwise i have no idea how long it can take to actually get there#so not a lot... but at least i did start doing a couple of things#and just trying to get a little done is a step in the right direction#i so easily get completely stuck and unable to do anything at all#so even if i cant build rome in one day ........ at least i've now laid down another few bricks 😹😹
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fever.. worst runny nose ive had in like four years probably.. ear infection.. cankersore so bad i can barely eat or drink anything.. someone tell me what god i angered omfg
#and a migraine right before i got sick like come on bro… what have i done to desrrve this cruel fate#but i managrd to get my shift covered today so we will just chillax to the Max imum. to teh utmost level of rest . and hope for the best#i looked so pitiful taking my exam this morning i just stuffed all my pockets with tissues and hoped for the best 😭 it was at 6am too#but lowkey i think i cooked… i thought i was gonna fail walking in but i think i will pass 🕯️#anyway. How is everyone elses day going
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Our sociology professors are so nice 😭❤
#okay so blabbing ahead#so we have 4 socio professors and i like the way three of them teach and other other one's so-so but that's fine.#and also it's always so good to see professors who take their job seriously#unlike few other professors I've came across who just rush it right before exam like wtf is wrong with you#plus i self study and don't have extra tuitions (i honestly would get tired to do both together)#but honestly idk if I'd need later on#anyways it was raining a lot today and i was listening to Florence. it felt just so fucking right like perfect timing#luna blabs ☕#sociology#college diaries 🦢🌷
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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good mornig chat i have had the most wild day yesterday. day of absolutely Perfect travel Vs. Night in the world's most wretched dingy 'hotel' in a sus alley in rybnik.
#our flight was perfect and my parents r sweet and have been pushing me around on a transport chair where possible#which helps 1 million#our train from rzeszow to rybnik was Long but nice. we went to a cool restaurant in rzeszow also.#and Then we get to rybnik.#wait 20 mins for a taxi all the while groups of. fuck idk how to translate dresy into english. roadmen?? pass by us#and we get to the hotel which is A) up two flight of stairs (lady said it was only 3 steps. tis not) B) so fucking dingy and small and the#guy letting us in was a bit scary but whatever. C) we share the kitchen and bathroom (which doesnt lock btw) which is not unreasonable but#they didnt tell us about it and im.paranoid. and D?) theres a bar literally as part of the building and the people in it were Loud#anyway i could barely sleep and had a panic attack every time someone else entered the kitchen. its loud i can hear it#let me out of here. take me to łódź pleaseeeee (we r going there later today mums exam is just in rybnik)#chorusing
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help me my mom is shipping me with some random chinese man whom i helped buying tickets
#it's crazy. knowing english and helping random foreigners is my passion#also so many things happening. i should write that fucking article when i get home lmfao#if my laptop wont fail me (i think she's fine now????? hopefully????)#but also like. I'll get to that tomorrow probably.#you know what i wanna do? if my laptop wont fail me i wanna play my fuckin game lmao#but idk if i should or if i will have time when i get home etc etc#also one more thing i look so freaking ugly in biometric photos im gonna sjjsnsndhdhfhhf#anyway if it works out i will have another photo next year so im trying not to let it get to me lmao#alsoooo just yesterday got accepted by a school in finland and today got a reply from one in germany#and they want me to take an exam in july lmao???? girl how tf will i get a visa etc with that timeline#anyway. ughhhhhh so many things happening etc#i wonder how my next months will be like. ok bys#bye*#🗒
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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