#i get to be annoying about music :3
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I love. LOVE. Get In the Water
It's one of the objectively best songs in the musical; I will die on this hill.
Poseidon was always, despite being pretty much the main antagonist of EPIC, a really underdeveloped character in my opinion. He just needed a little more nuance, and the fact that one (+ kind of one more) song managed to add so much to his characterization pretty much exclusively through subtext and implications is incredibly impressive writing. Because it did!
At the start, he's yet again playing games with Odysseus, the way he did in Ruthlessness. In both songs, he could kill him easily at any point, yet he chooses not to for the sake of playing games. In Ruthlessness, this becomes his own hubris as it leads to Odysseus escaping.
If you listen closely, at the start of GITW he already sounds slightly different. He's still trying to keep up this "God of Ruthlessness" front that he's so proud of, but he's no longer more or less carefree the way he was in Ruthlessness. He's been obsessing over this feud for ten years, and even if he would never admit it, it's actually clear just from his voice that he really is tired of it too. Not in the sense of it emotionally draining him the way it probably does Odysseus, but in the sense that it's a bother, a loose end in his life, a book that he finally wants to slam shut.
But he still has a reputation to uphold, and he still cannot close this book until Odysseus is dead, so he keeps up the game. Instead of just killing him, he's taunting him to kill himself. He might associate the idea of just striking him down with a sort of loss, like then he'd have to get his hands dirty. Then he's rambling about killing his people, his family. He's provoking Odysseus on purpose, likely trying to get him to snap back, to hate and fear him the way that Poseidon would think any mortal who has consumed this much of his time should. In his eyes, Odysseus deserves nothing less than to curse him with his last breath as his "darkest moment," the god who became the bane of his life.
And Odysseus replies, of all things, with ... sympathy.
Honestly, I don't blame Poseidon for being speechless for three full seconds. He literally just threatened to gauge Telemachus' eyes out the way Odysseus did with Polyphemus, and this absolute madlad of a man replies with an acknowledgment that he (might have) caused Poseidon pain too.
Now, I don't really think Poseidon was particularly hurt over Polyphemus' loss, or hurting in any way in that moment (if he were, I highly doubt he'd still be playing games, and he would've mentioned his son as opposed to speaking about his reputation.) But just the fact that Odysseus acknowledges that he might be hurting too is probably something Poseidon hasn't heard in ... who knows how long? His family is the Olympians. I don't think I have to say more.
It's actually more of a genuine apology than Odysseus' explanation in Ruthlessness ... (even though that was also a perfectly fine apology by Greek standards, as far as I'm aware.) Now he doesn't say "sorry" because he's still not sorry for hurting Polyphemus, since he still needed to do that in order to escape. But he expresses regret over the pain he caused in a more genuine way than ever.
I am convinced that Poseidon is utterly unfamiliar with sympathy or mercy. He's lived by his "Ruthlessness is mercy" motto for centuries, and he doesn't know anything else. No one would try to teach him something different. The other gods all live by this logic, even if he's the most vocal about it considering he seems to have made it his whole personality. Mortals wouldn't dare to question Poseidon in the first place. And barely anyone would be willing to treat someone with kindness who is in turn treating everyone around them with ruthlessness.
It's very likely that Poseidon hasn't encountered anyone like this until Odysseus. Ruthlessness is simply how he treats people and also how he expects to be treated back. The fact that Odysseus doesn't, the fact that instead of hating, fearing, or cursing him, he acknowledges that they have both hurt each other and that it doesn't lead anywhere to still pursue vengeance, must have triggered Poseidon in an unprecedented way.
To him, this was probably the most outrageous thing Odysseus could have said in that moment. And it throws him off so much that he is genuinely speechless, and then simply replies, "I can't." ... his most genuine-sounding line in the whole musical.
I cannot stress enough how much it threw me off to hear this line; in the best way imaginable, it doesn't sound like Poseidon. It sounds almost vulnerable. Almost human. Because he is genuinely at a loss so much that he forgets to put up his "wrathful god" facade for just one second. Standing ovation to Steven Rodriguez for his whole performance, but especially this part.
And then Odysseus goes all out to say something even more outrageous: "Maybe you could learn to forgive?"
... Which is when Poseidon snaps.
Kind of understandable, honestly. There's this mortal whom he has likely fantasized about seeing pleading, hate-filled, and terrified, cowering before him for ten years now ... telling him that he ought to learn something. Even hijacking his own motif and his instrument in order to turn it on its head, "defile" it if you will.
This f*cking mortal pr*ck took his own "Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves" catchphrase and turned it into forgiveness ... Of course, Poseidon is no longer hesitating; of course, he is no longer concerned with getting his hands dirty or not. He yells "DIE!" and unleashes his ultimate move (which is really overkill for simply killing a mortal if you think about it) ... But he does it anyway because this time he genuinely means it.
... That, and I am also convinced he jumps to that in order to simply shut Odysseus up, fearing what he might do or think if he lets him go on. Because you cannot tell me that Odysseus didn't actually reach him for just one moment. He was far too thrown off guard, far too vulnerable in that one second. That moment of kindness did something to him, and he hated it. He also probably didn't trust himself to be able to keep listening to Odysseus speak like that. So, he abandons his (still very technically feasible!) blackmail/intimidation and just straight-up kills him.
This simple exchange (my favorite moment in the whole musical, actually) tells us so much about both of these characters that it makes me want to skitter and squeal in excitement.
Here is Odysseus—the very same one whom Poseidon specifically tried to teach ruthlessness—becoming the first person in a long time to offer him sympathy despite how Poseidon himself showed him nothing but ruthlessness. And then one song later, here is Odysseus showing him the consequences of not accepting said sympathy.
Six Hundred Strike and what Odysseus does to Poseidon would've not hit the same, in my opinion, if he hadn't made this offer, if he hadn't given Poseidon this way out, even if no one watching genuinely expected it to work (probably not even Odysseus himself.)
Six Hundred Strike is not Odysseus exacting vengeance If GITW proved anything about Odysseus, it's that he does not want vengeance. He wants all of the hatred and pain to be over, to the point where he is willing to let go of, and I am inclined to say forgive Poseidon for what he's done to him. Six Hundred Strike is simply Odysseus teaching him this lesson that Poseidon couldn't have learned in any other way, because he has proven in GITW that he genuinely does not speak any language besides that of ruthlessness (more on that in this essay!)
It's just the perfect representation of how Odysseus has now finally learned the balance between mercy and ruthlessness, which seems to be the core theme of the musical: Both have their time and place; one simply has to be willing to act in both ways and know when to use either. No one extreme is the solution. I am genuinely exhilarated that Odysseus finally seemed to have figured out that it's been both all along.
#this is easily one of the objectively best songs in the musical#god games is similarly great in subtle characterization#and thunder bringer is a lyrical masterpiece#those are definitely the top 3 if we go by objective quality alone#no i will not shut up about this moment ever#i love it so dearly#the CHARACTERIZATION man#i went from being annoyed by poseidon to dearly loving him as a character#is he my second favorite god now? maybe#inhales IT DOESNT MATTER HOW GOOD THE CHANCES OF IT WORKING WERE#ODYSSEUS GETS ALL THE CREDIT FOR TRYING TO LEAD FROM THE HEART#i will die on this hill#epic musical#epic the musical#epic the vengeance saga#get in the water#epic odysseus#epic poseidon#jorge rivera herrans#you mastermind#I'm gonna make a tag for these my epic essays#If you want more search on my profile for >#epicssay
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Um, so somehow we ended up with "Ma Meilleure Ennemie" getting so many views that for now its only competitor in this regard is "To Ashes and Blood".
#...now let me talk about ma meilleure ennemie again because I said I'm gonna be such an annoying bitch about it even before act 3 premiered#SOMEHOW it's also trending in my region as 8th most watched music video#this very VERY big jump in views in just 3 days can be connected to several factors:#1) it's the song from two very well-known french-speaking artists (and in Stromae's case it reaches astronomical levels)#2) episode 7 impacted a LOT of people to the point that they continue to rewatch it to cope after finale#3) it's genuinely good and very memorable to the point you want to listen and listen and listen to it. even more so if you know the lyrics.#(“the worst of blessings‚ the most wonderful of curses” still haunts me honestly)#arcane#timebomb#why the fuck do they always get the songs that break barriers???
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i don’t think some people realize they are contributing to the delay (or impossibility) of tlsp 3 by doing stupid shit like spamming miles’ instagram with photos of alex.
#i know they’ve gone through a lot of shit and miles has had to deal with so much bullshit#being asked constantly about tlsp 3 and alex when he’s trying to promote his music#and then people do dumb shit like this and tag miles in all these memes of alex#like why?? for what??#what is miles supposed to do? tell alex? or ignore it and be annoyed? and then what#i know their friendship came before all the fame and the bullshit and it’s strong (at least I hope it is)#but I can’t help but think shit like this puts a strain on their friendship#people gotta get off their stools and take off the pointy hats#and stop doing dumb shit and just support miles and his incredible music#and keep the stupid stuff on fan pages and in fan spaces#THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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seeing that new post from the official sonic account like Oh new espio art how ni AHHHHHHHH TAYLOR SWIFT JUMPSCARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#sad ! the actual drawing was nice and some of the text on it was funny too but the yhad to make it about. that#i get that they are just hopping on whatever is trending for attention as brand accounts tend to do#but theres something . annoying . to me about how they keep mentioning her/referencing her on sonic social media stuff#when shes like . known for constantly polluting the earth more than any normal person could with that stupid private jet of hers#which goes against the message of the sonic games and is literally sonic villain behavior i dont think sonic would like her .#(amy and shadow wouldnt like her either idc what anyone says they would NOT be swifties)#also this is more petty than anything but her music is overhyped most of it is mediocre at best and im tired of hearing about it <3#i promise i dont actually think about tswift that much btw i just made a post about it the other day#because i was being forced to hear about her and it annoyed me and now im being forced to hear about her again and its annoying me
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every day I care less about Taylor Swift actually sorry to say
#is this a betrayal of my beloved mutuals? maybe. is it also true? yes.#like I looked up the credits of electric touch bc I wanted to know for sure bc I Care now. yknow. like an idiot.#and now I'm just miffed on multiple levels#literally none of the boys were involved except patrick so 1) why can hayley get a solo credit and he can't#and 2) ma'am you had the opportunity to use pete freaking wentz and instead you went with synth bass???#OH ALSO 3) more of Paramore was involved in Hayley's SOLO ARTIST FEATURE bc T recorded her vocals for the track#than how much of FOB was involved in a FULL BAND FEATURE#in what world is this OK. sorry to say that I'm annoyed about this currently. ok bye#Lu rambles#music
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not in a good mood rn..... god give me the strength to not cry in front of the director when we chat privately
#.txt#i do not like one of the actors. partly just right now and partly in general.#they cannot learn their lines he paraphrases fucking everything#also very chatty when we're trying to focus the cast#and said some stupid shit last night about how my asm was the real stage manager in his heart which The Production Stage Manager#does not like to hear.#it was late and sort of related to a bit i don't think it was malicious but i don't have the energy to take it charitably#also they made a seventy slide forty-five minute presentation for powerpoint night and god knows how much time that was#that they could have spent actually. you know. learning their lines.#and they are friends with my asm who kind of sucks...#hes better than the last one i had who sucks. but still#not going into that one rn so i don't make myself more annoyed but let it be known he is chronically late bad at being on book and misses#his cues#but i gotta train this kid in because i am graduating and there aren't enough sms to take up the mantly#mantle#which probably means i have to bring him onto the musical too :/ i want to have fun!#long story short it is past my bedtime i am overworked and this is my blog so enjoy <3#AND i found out i didn't get a part in a short film by hearing cast members chattering excitedly about their emails getting parts#which ok i am an adult i can deal but sucks to hear that way
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I am not immune from getting kind of annoyed when a relatively unknown artist I like suddenly gets super popular
#im happy for them dont get me wrong. but i miss getting to tell people about then#i didnt even realize glass animals blew up til i heard heat waves in public and i was like what are they doing here#i didnt know peach pit got popular recently but a friend who mostly only listens to popular music said he liked them#so i looked at their listeners on spotify and they have like over 2 mil. which is awesome just wild lol#when i started listening to them they only had 4 songs out#also idkhow. i think when i started listening to them they had 3 songs and 1 wasnt on spotify#but they came to my city on their last tour and if theyre too popular to come here again then i really will be annoyed
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ooooh this is such a scam [<- looking up references]
#just me hi#i just wanna be sure i'm using the right words but if you wanna find images that match the word you're using to describe you might as well#retire lgflfhshvh#guess i'm going vibes-based?? but i don't waaaaaaant tooooooo gfhfsh#you look up Anything about an amab body and it's all bodybuilding stuff like come ONNN#i don't even LIKE muscle this is just ANNOYING hfsfhvvb#you look up afab stuff and they don't getttt ittttt they don't get itttttttttttttttttttttttttt [dies very dramatically]#thank god incognito searching exists btw bc anybody who saw my searches rn would assume some very particular things about myself that i.#Well. hghhfhshfvhjsk#i canNOT let leo see these tabs i think that'd finally be it for me. i'd be ruined ljfsj#/i hate everythinggg [<- did another search]#/OH I GOT IT !!! YIPPEE :DD#[boogies down] [wiggles] [confetti]#/okay yea so i'm tryna work on character descs for the pi.e quartet + the rest of the cast (the more prevalent ones anyway lol) and oo#//hang on gotta change my music - i'm trying some stuff out rn but it's so distracting lmao#/anyway yea so i'm hyped for this !! :D#so hyped that between the last tag and this one i just wandered off for about 10 minutes and was writing it so bfbshv#so i'm gonna go do that!! kinda everywhere today but i'm gonna get this done :3#ehe toodles
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YESYESYES I AM HERE FOR THE PSYCH ART THANK YOU!!! 2006 show fandom is sleeping but still alive🙏
OMG!! well I am happy to provide whatever doodles I may do... <3
#im watching through the show for the first time... very good for the most part :3 very fun#but im waiting for a dvd boxset to arrive before i watch past season 3. the place im watching it has missing episodes and missing/incorrect#subtitles and sometimes poor quality. and they're re-issuing the entire series plus the three movies on dvd so i was like 😏 why not#ive heard about the musical episode though. im prepared to become unwell about it.#I was curious so I went out of my way to watch santa barbara skies and ive heard it both ways on youtube and. oh my god. so good???#im saving all the other songs as a surprise though.#also ackk... i hate what they did to the songs for the soundtrack they released officially???#you know how musicals sometimes cut down on the amount of talking during songs for the soundtrack releases.#well they just cut ALL of the talking but KEPT the stretches of time that they were talking in????#so its just long stretches of like. music thats just made to be talked over during the song. inbetween short bursts of singing.#like. i would have PREFERRED if they kept the talking in 😭#this is especially about santa barbara skies. need to crawl over to youtube anytime i want to listen to it without being annoyed#but yes anyway thats my rant :salute: LMAOO#psych is very fun and im enjoying it :] we'll see if i get around to more doodles..#very busy BUT ive been having fun doodling stuff as cool downs or breaks#telegraff#anonymous
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don’t wanna be mean but esp now that casual is going through her tiktok renaissance (smash that like if u were there the first time) i see people being like tch… i guess THIS was just so casual to this person.. and it’s like well the thing is babe friends can just do those affectionate things i’m afraid you’ll have to communicate or respect yourself enough to not go thru that if you know it’s not for u and if you can’t do either then well yeah ig it is time for u to start crying on the internet publicly idfk what the point of this post was gonna be. basically pussy up a little..
#no i’m not for people who take advantage of esp young women. i’m refusing to automatically associate these vids#with ppl dating men i just don’t think u should use chappell for that. but anyway i digress. regardless#i just love being a contrarian. some of you could do with loosening up and not relying entirely on someone else’s attention to define ur#self worth. and maybe stop listening to little bitch baby high school music when some gives u a hug and u get too in ur head abt it#GIRL WHO HURT U CALM DOWN.#ok sorry.#i’m one to talk sure. but you know. i realize some of these ppl are even younger than me at my ripe age of 21#but i once again feel trapped in a generation where all over the spectrum of dating people are just stupid and immature and annoying#<3#abby talks#someone*#** i am not saying that about chappells music btw fill it in as u will
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Oh yeah it definitely felt drier than usual this year, this doesn't surprise me. @enbymetalhead and @lightineventide found that the "microgenres" were picked from user playlists, ie if a lot of your songs are found on user playlists with the words "pink" "pilates" "princess" well... that's where it comes from. Still AI to an extent, and it definitely would have been much better if there were more curators who cared about music.
Also I've been keeping up with my last.fm and a lot of the songs in my top 100 are just ...not accurate?? They're all songs I like at least, but having looked at my stats I have absolutely no idea what it counts as being "most played" (there's lots that didn't show up at all that should have been well within my top 50 and vice versa)
im genuinely convinced that they used ai for the monthly thing on spotify wrapped. what do you mean may was my "coastal grandmother ukulele oldies" phase. august was "pink pilates princess strut pop??" no one would say that september was my "sweater weather permanent wave indie" moment. no way we waited so long for this. multiple people and i also noticed that it took a few seconds longer than usual to load, maybe im just impatient but i wouldnt be surprised if that was ai preparing like all of it as i clicked through. spotify has been using a lot of ai lately with the playlist making, dj, playlist cover designer and now whatever this ai podcast thing is.
#but yeah the gen ai on spotify is getting really annoying :(#i will complain about the forced shuffle on free spotify forever THAT'S NOT HOW YOU'RE MEANT TO LISTEN TO MUSIC!!!!!!#i will listen to full albums as arjen intended and not what the magical algorithm wants me to listen to <3#thinking about investing in something other than a streaming service bc spotify has kind of lost its charm#also last.fm does a yearly recap and i found it super interesting last year - they collect data up through the end of december too#complaining aside wrapped day is still fun and i love pointless data of all kinds#idk though “time travel rhythm game progressive metal” is objectively pretty funny still#lastfmstats.com and several discord bots are great if you can't get enough of pointless stats (me)#oh also funny is how i got kpop as my august “genre” even though that was an extremely metal-dominated month as always#didn't mind that as much though lmao bc it's my friend's favorite and our month genres were in antiparallel alksfdj
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I'm autistic and I currently feel like shit checklist
Hi there. Are you autistic? Do you currently feel like shit and don't know why? Try this checklist to see if you can Fix The Problem!
When was the last time you used the bathroom? If you answered "I don't know" or "at least 3 hours ago", go now!
Do you need a drink? Go get one if you don't have one in front of you.
When was the last time you ate? If you haven't eaten yet today, consider eating A Meal, or perhaps A Snack. Something is better than nothing, eat whatever you feel able to!
Is there something in your immediate surroundings that is bothering you? If the light is too bright, turn it off. If there is an annoying sound, make the sound stop or reduce your ability to hear it (earplugs, headphones, etc.). If your clothes are bothering you, change them.
Is your space messy? Pick one area of your room and clean it up as best you can. Clean your whole room if you have the energy!
When was the last time you did An Activity? Scrolling on social media doesn't count. Try actively doing something fun! Play a game you like, read a book, make something, or go for a walk.
When was the last time you Spoke to a Person? Consider talking to a person you like if it has been a while.
How long has it been since you did something Special Interest related? Make some time to do that today. Infodump to a friend, have a nice long research session, look at related images or gifs, make art about it, whatever works best for you!
Try stimming actively! Put on some music and dance, spin in circles, go to the park and use the swings!
If you still feel like shit after trying all of these things, you might be tired or sick. Go to bed early and get some rest. Hopefully you will feel better tomorrow!
Hope that helps :)
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my bad i forgot i'm not allowed to talk in this group chat
#it feels like#the same 3 people vibe incredibly well with 2 of those people being childhood best friends#and then no one else can speak#and ive been trying to make plans to leave because it feels like no one likes me#ive explained how i found two of them incredibly annoying to my old roommate#the repeated ignoring of my boundaries and even saying#'sorry i know u don't like when we sing' in the vc#then just repeatedly singing for like. the entire time they're online#it's SO LOUD when u sing on vc ur gamer headset is not meant to balance it out#especially when u sing with ur head voice#they all give me musical theater major vibes#or music major vibes#of singing all the time#the 2 girls who are best friends will just bring up mutual friends all the time and expect us to remember their names or they get really#confused#even having a mutual friend in the vc while the rest of us are trying to game together like#idk#kaya rambles#they all seem really self absorbed in that sense#where whenever they're online it's about what *they* want to talk about
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never have i wished misfortune upon anyone more than i have on shitty college students making noise at FUCKING MIDNIGHT
#i live literally across the street from a sorority house#even worse. jts the one my shitty zionist roommate joined#and oH MY GLOB ARE THEY LOUD#i didnt realize this last year cuz i didnt live in the frat sorority area but these shits blast music ALLTHE TIME#I GET IT ITS COLLEGE AND YOU WANNA PARTY AND HAVE FUN#BUT SOME OF US ACTUALLY FUCKING CAME HERE TO STUDY AND NOT WASTE DADDYS MONEY#RESPECT YOUR FELLOW STUDENTS BEFORE I SHOW UP AT YOUR WINDOW WITH AN AIRHORN AT 3 AM BEFORE YOUR MIDTERM#why. the fuck. did i choose. a party school.#i could rant for sooooo long about these shits#ive met nice people and ive met the worst people#nothing more annoying than a college age californian coming from a college age californian
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#tag talk#playing Polybridge 3 and I'm just reminded that I'm just genuinely not that creative or visionary#my whole life is been inundated with arts and science and I've been pushed to create and I'm just not that creative#I watch genius minecraft builds and cool dwarf fortress sagas and amazing bridge designs and I realize I am not like that.#I appreciate the art and creativity of others but I genuinely just cannot do that myself.#I recently sold my electric piano because I've realized that as much as I love listening to music? I just don't have the drive to create it#I love reading books but I don't have the drive to write stories myself.#I love looking at art but I just don't have the spark that makes me need to create it#and this sentiment gets perceived by others as me being hard on myself. like a self deprecating “oo I'm not good enough to make art”#and it's annoying because I'm not being emotional and sad about it. I'm simply taking stock of the fact that I do not have the drive for it#and that's fine. I grew up in a artistic family and I enjoy being able to appreciate art#but a big part of growing up has been learning to let go of the pressure to perform. the pressure to create and be an artistic individual#and just allowing myself to appreciate the beauty that others bring into the world without feeling the need to compare myself to it#everything I wrote as a kid was just blatant knockoffs of other stories I had read. songs I whistle are songs someone else wrote#and that's fine. that's okay. I don't need to create to enjoy life. I don't need to produce in order to be alive.#I am allowed to be content consuming the art that others have made.#and sure. every once in a while I make something. I'll paint or sketch or write a poem or make a new minecraft build or something#but I'm really just working on being okay with doing nothing for a while.#I used to be such a pressured hyperactive kid and I feel like my character arc is just me learning to chill the fuck out#learning to relax and do nothing and be okay with it.#I just don't have that drive. I'm not a visionary. I'm not a leader. not a creative soul. I'm not destined for great things#and that's okay. that's fine. that's normal. and I'm allowed to be normal.#after a whole childhood of being pressured to be better than everyone else. of being driven by others to perform to their expectations#I can finally sit down and breathe and still the churning in my stomach and slow down and just allow myself to chill out#and I'm happier like this.
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