#i get so emotional but also so fuckin bored on my period

[koreposion]

Erk I'm on my period...blllluhhhh ON THE FIRST WEEK OF PRIDE MONTH??? fuckin wild

[graylinesspam]

I guess I feel like stirring the pot tonight but I'm gonna actually put my two cents into this "tiktokification of autism" debate for a second. I'm gonna need everyone on this, the "we piss on the poor", website to take a fuckin breath.

In psychology there's this pretty simply concept they teach you in the 'intro to' class which is that when it comes to hereditary mental conditions if you carry the genes for a condition it's probably going to affect you a little bit, even if it is not a diagnose-able amount.

As a personal example My own great grandfather has Bipolar disorder and has been medicated for it for longer than I have been alive. As a result all of his children were very familiar with the symptoms and were quick to point out when each other was displaying or describing symptoms of that disorder in their own live. That stuck around for my mothers generation and now my own as well. None of his children have been diagnosed with the condition because they do not display these symptoms with a consistency or extreme that hinders their ability to live their day to day life. A couple of aunts have chosen to go on mood stabilizers because it makes their lives more enjoyable to live without the riding the emotional ups and downs. Which yes, many of us experience hormonal based emotional roller coasters that dictate whether or not we're capable of experiencing positive or negative emotions but those symptoms are so mild that they are not considered diagnose-able.

Where as pawpaw (who was diagnosed) had huge mood swings that would leave him so manic he destroyed the brick divider wall in their kitchen to open the space up one random day, followed by a week where he wouldn't even sit up in bed to take a sip of water. His children's experiences were more periods of increased confidence followed by periods of malaise.

The criteria for having a condition diagnosed is that it has to cause persistent and significant interference with your ability to live your life.

Now if you've followed me through that rant then listen to this one. Tiktok (and i am not advocating for that app lets keep it neutral) by it's very nature is an app that relies on quick reading and comprehension. Those videos aren't going to hold you're hand through explaining what they mean, you just need to figure it the fuck out using things like common sense.

So if you see a video where an autistic person is sharing the less irritating and sort of funny trait of their condition and it's something that "everybody experiences" or something that's totally "not" a symptoms of autism, maybe instead of immediately rolling your eyes at it why don't you take a minute to ask yourself if it actually is tho?

like sure not everyone who puts on music while they clean has autism, but ask yourself what if that trait did fit the diagnostic criteria, what would that look like? Because for me it meant that I literally got fired for a cleaning service job for smuggling my phone with me because despite being very competent at cleaning I physically could not do it without listening to music. I'm not talking about it was too boring or I just had a bad time at it. I mean I literally forgot how to clean a toilet and ended up having a crying meltdown at lunch after only getting through two rooms because I needed my music in order for my brain to function properly. I'd call that having a significant effect on my ability to live my life.

Maybe not everyone who has a specific hobby they keep up with for years is autistic, but the people whose hobbies consume them, leaving room for less of other experiences in their lives? the ones who buy too much merch and watch the content over and over and don't pick up new material? the ones who maladaptive daydream to the point of it interrupting their real life experiences, or have periods where they actually wish they could think about anything else? And also maybe the same kinds of fandoms attract those autistic people.

so next time you see a video about "if you were obsessed with these fandoms growing up then you might be autistic" maybe think about what the word obsessed might mean to an autistic person (whose has very literal and black and white thinking). Because assuming that they mean the most bland fucking vague horoscope version of a behavior or experience they're describing is exactly where you'll go wrong.

Btw, this is a good scale to use when wondering if you should get something mental or physical diagnosed.

[awkwardcreature789]

Crying because this is something that has the biggest toll on my life, I will literally avoid talking about my special interests because I’m so scared of social rejection and being disliked. Trauma response? Fuck yes. I was bullied for all my days I used to be in public school, which was from kindergarten to sophomore year. I was bullied for anything people could think of, and when I adapted to change myself in order to make friends, I’D GET BULLIED FOR THAT TOO. It was always this cycle of constant rejection and social starvation.

Too pale, too awkward, too fat, too skinny, too loud, too quiet, too weird, too normal, too expressive, too neutral, too rambunctious, too calm, weird for liking certain books shows or movies, weird for drawing, weird for being alone all the time, stupid for failing classes and tests, a teachers pet for passing classes and tests, a pushover for being kind, a jerk for setting boundaries, a crybaby for showing my emotions, a sociopath for not showing my emotions, the list goes on and on and ON.

You know what didn’t help either? The fact that throughout elementary and a bit of middle school I was in the hospital all the time because I literally had a fucking autoimmune disease that would flare up if I ever got sick and could very well kill me.

What also didn’t help, was my parents (at the time) were overprotective Mormon folks. Indoctrination is another thing that contributed too. “How come you can’t do anything on Sunday?” “Well because my parents say that god wants us to keep the sabbath day holy and-“ “ugh you’re so boring-“ (they’re better now- at least my mom is so much better, I’m out to them both and they accept me and are super chill about it now-)

Yknow what that led to? Middle school era.

I said yknow what? Fuck what people think imma do my own thing. (And keep in mind I was never diagnosed with autism and inattentive adhd until last year-)

Middle school me was fuckin ROCKIN, despite the bullying and despite daily harassment, I’d unmask (though I didn’t know I was doing that lol) and I’d let out my real personality, complete utter chaos and nonsense, but also the most kind and compassionate person you’d ever meet. One period id screech down the hallways with my best friend at the time, and the next I’d settle down from letting out my energy and ramble about my characters I would make and be super affectionate and sweet (basically a golden retriever)

Then 7th grade hit, and I dunno what the fuck happened but I guess being bullied so bad and bottling up my emotions and being left untreated for so long put my mind and hormones into a jumble of things and I ended up crushing on this guy and obsessing over him and stalking him (no joke) throughout the school and keep things he’d left, and I’d get angry and resentful towards girls he liked or interacted with (it didn’t help that my hyperfixation at the time was yandere simulator, which explains a lot about that era-)

I ended up plotting to murder his girlfriend at the time and like- dude it was concerning- then they broke up and I confessed to him and he rejected me, which now that I think back on it, he was really sweet about it and obviously was trying to let me down gently, but nope, rabid 12-13 year old me was like “well that’s a wrap” and I threatened to kill myself if he didn’t date me in a letter I slipped into his backpack, like I had a whole plan and everything and a date too

So again, basically yandere simulator personified, and to this day I still want to track him down to apologize for all of that hell I probably put him through..I feel really bad he was a sweet dude-

Anyways-

Note got turned in to my AP who already hated me because I was a whole demonspawn at the time and I got suspended and put in grippy sock jail for a week and then when I got out, Covid hit and all the schools shut down, blah blah blah,

Insert what you think is a redemption ark

(It was kind of but idk)

Rest that happens after that isn’t about bullying so I’ll stop there.

In summary, be kind.

Here's what I think: people should not care about what others think of a specific show/book. If they find it to be their comfort show, they shouldn't listen to those saying it sucks.

It can be the worst show or book on earth, but if there's a reason someone can enjoy it (a character they resonate with, a funny moment, good visuals, anything) they just should.

Maybe they like one part and not another one, so they can just keep watching or reading that one part on loop instead of the rest.

And if they don't like anything, or they lose interest, they can just drop it.

Nobody should have a say on what you enjoy and what you don't. Maybe if people understood this, there would be a bit more of peace at least on the Internet.

[lordoftermites]

OF CLOVER & IRON

Part One

Pairing: Roiben x Kaye

Summary: fluff(ish), angst, obligatory smut (later). fluffish smangst, let's go with that.

My first fic for these two—and all around the first one I've ever written, period. I finally got to a point that I can confidently post parts 1 & 2 without obsessive editing so yeet haw let's fuckin go. Set the day after Ironside Ch. 13. {there's a slight deviation of the wound placements also, because I just really wanted to see Kaye lovingly take care of her Emo Black Knight™. Everything else is canon-compliant. I hope.}

Rating: M for suggestive themes, smut in future chapters

Also I was listening to Beautiful Crime by Tamer and If You Care by Evan Barlow the whole time and if those aren't the most Roiben songs I've ever fucking heard—

*buzzfeed voice* let's get into it

________________

Each step I left behind Each road you know is mine Walking on a line ten stories high Say you'll still be by my side If I could take your hand, oh If you could understand That I can barely breathe, the air is thin I fear the fall and where we'll land

"You realize I have attendants for this, don't you?"

Roiben was reclined, rather awkwardly, against the mountain of plush pillows on his bed. Their down stuffing jutted through the timeworn fabric and pricked along the sensitive skin of his bare back.

While the gash Talathain's sword had wrought the day before had since been cleaned and bandaged, the end of those feathers still managed to find their way through to jab at the still-open wound, eliciting from him a wince, as though he needed reminding of the events that had transpired had, in fact, transpired.

Ruefully, Roiben found that he did not need reminding.

"Mhmm, I know." Kaye replied absently beside him, drawing him back to the present. She was perched on the edge of the bed, inky-black gaze fixed on his hand in her lap; she was gently applying a viscous paste to the scarlet, angry line along his palm—another gift from Silarial's green knight. The mixture had a cooling element to it, not at all unpleasant against the dull burn of the wound. Kaye was careful, dedicated as she worked. Her tender, feather-light touches sent an involuntary shiver down the base of Roiben's spine.

“I admit, I do not mislike having you for a nursemaid instead of an ill-tempered hob." He grinned down at her as she finished, gently wrapping a milky-white cloth around the pad of his hand, tying it off in a small knot at the base of his wrist. He didn’t think anyone in his service would have tended to him with such attentive care; actually, they very well may have relished an opportunity to see him wince. Indeed, he much preferred this.

She glanced up at him through thick lashes and gave him a small smile of her own, but it faltered on her features, wavered there until it faded into something Roiben couldn't name. "I guess,” she began, dropping her gaze back down to his newly-dressed hand in hers. “I just wanted to do… something, for a change." Roiben's brow knitted at the sadness in her voice, the way the guilt, thoroughly misplaced, steeped her words. There was a twinge in his chest that was reminiscent of the arrow she had pulled from it not four months prior. Automatically, his hand reached up to touch the new scar, a rose-tinted indentation in the middle of his sternum. A phantom ache bloomed under his fingers.

She had been only a human girl then, guised as she was, and unfortunate enough to be the one to find him bleeding out, collapsed there against the gnarled tree he would have gladly let become his grave. She had saved his very soul that night in the rain, though neither of them had known it at the time. It was very likely she still didn't.

And here she was again, nursing the consequences of his own obstinate pride and blaming herself for it. Too often, too willingly did she take the weight of his burdens as her own, while he futilely sought to keep her safe from them. Safe from him. She was the most stubbornly kind creature he had ever known; a knight of her own design—a savior he had never had any right to.

Roiben reached out to tuck a loose tendril of viridescent hair behind her ear. The slight movement pulled at the lesion on his back, threatening another wince. He resisted. "Kaye," he started, and when she didn't meet his eyes, he crooked a finger under her chin and canted her head to him.

"There is nothing you have done—not since the moment I met you to now, that was not something." His thumb ran over her emerald jawline, the smooth skin silk in contrast to the roughness of his own. Kaye's eyes fluttered and she leaned into his touch. "I know it is my failure, in not telling you as such, that you mistakenly think yourself so inadequate. For that, I am well and truly sorry."

Through the burning discomfort of his wounds, Roiben drew her down to him and captured her mouth in a kiss. He had never been a master of apologies— or much else for that matter. And for reasons he was unable to name, his way of begging Kaye's pardon seemed to often be sought with his mouth, as if he hoped she could taste it on his tongue— and forgive him with her own.

Her lips, softer than satin and more delectable than any wine he had ever tasted, parted in a soft, lilting sigh. The sound, as it so often did, caused the muscles in his lower abdomen to coil with a rush of warmth. His bandaged fingers moved to tangle in her wild hair as her tongue danced between his teeth, languorous at first, then quickly shifting into something nearer to frenzy. He could feel his pulse quicken, the familiar strain across the front of his trousers when her hand splayed his chest, soft fingertips pressing into his bare skin. His breath hitched.

And then Kaye's lips were gone and she was pushing herself back up, away from him, her breathing ragged. He watched her dazedly, lamenting the abrupt loss of her closeness. She combed a hand through her mess of green hair, and Roiben realized she was trembling. He frowned.

"What is it?" he asked, drawing himself up to a sitting position, jaw clenched against the sharp tug of the bandage stretching from his shoulder to his hip. "Have I done something to displease you?" He glanced down, sliver gaze settling on a fraying thread of gauze on his wrist. "Perhaps my apology wasn't quite the one you were looking for, but I—"

"That's not it." Kaye cut him off, and when he looked back up to meet her eyes, he was disconcerted to find their pitch depths were suddenly glistening. He opened his mouth to speak, but Kaye raised a hand to forestall him. He pressed his lips together, obediently falling mute. "It… it's not you. I mean, it's a little bit you. Okay— maybe it's a lot you. But… I'm just…" She let out a frustrated groan, as though she couldn't quite manage to untangle whatever thought she was trying to get out. The back of her hand swiped angrily across her eyes.

Roiben knew she hated crying, but he was unsure whether it was explicitly crying in front of him, or if it was the act altogether. Whatever the reason, there was a nagging in his gut, a temptation to reach up and wipe away the glittering tear that rolled down the curve of her verdant cheek.

But he stayed patiently, painfully silent beside her, fingers worrying the fabric over his knuckles instead as she worked through unweaving her mind. Roiben found himself suddenly wishing he had the power to read it, if only to help wrench her free of whatever trap that held her there, apart from him. Finally, she sighed—a dispirited sound that reverberated through the otherwise quiet stillness of his chambers.

"Why did you come back? Why did you find me at the diner? Why did you choose me?"

The string of questions— rather, the way she asked them, whispered, bordering on anguish, stung him like the gilded edge of Talathain's blade. Roiben gaped at her, for a moment too stunned to respond. Her expression was contorted slightly, the emotions that coursed through her scrambling over one another to find purchase on her face. Still, she held his gaze with an unwavering severity that bored into his very being and rooted him to the spot.

He knew she would not accept his usual indirect summarizations, those with which he so carefully guarded himself. He was now well beyond the safety of that delicate thread of tightroped truths he danced.

She expected—commanded his unreserved forthrightness, with that look that held the power of his name without it ever needing to cross her lips.

[wozwaid]

Choose Your Own Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Trouble on my Left, Trouble on my Right.

Masterlist

previous chapter 

next chapter

Hi! Quick A/N! Since this is a High School AU, all jojo’s characters are in high school (besides some that I chose to be teachers) and CHARACTERS THAT ARE NOT STUDENTS IN THIS AU ARE NOT LOVE INTERESTS

the final choice in the previous chapter was a test. i’m very happy to say that nobody chose to snitch on Joot. moral of the story: snitches are bitches and that would fuck up the readers life FS. you dont wanna be on Joots bad side :)

Also I chose to make the reader have she/her pronouns because the plot wouldn’t really make sense otherwise (LMK IF YOU WANT ME TO CHANGE IT BACK TO THEY/THEM AND I WILL)

anyways

YOU CHOSE: DECLINE

“No, it’s okay. I’ll still cover for you though.” You said, smiling up at the taller man. “Suit yourself. See ya.” Jotaro said, turning his heel and walking out of the room. You waited for him to leave, before exiting the office. You’d definitely get teased for walking around school with a map, so you didn’t ask for one. The second bell rung, meaning that class had started. You were late to Math.

 You sprinted down the hallways, desperately searching for your class. After running for about 10 minuets, you finally found your classroom. You were about to run to the door when you ran straight into another boy, resulting in you falling on your butt. "Oww...” You groaned, standing up. “Oh, my bad!” The boy chuckled, rubbing his neck. You took note of his interesting choice in clothing and hair style. He noticed your staring. “What? Got something to say?” He asked, his mood beginning to shift from happy to pissed. “Oh! No, sorry for staring!” You squeaked, flustered that you had been caught staring. 

You both made your way into the classroom, where you were greeted by a pissed off teacher. “Shit...” the boy mumbled. “You’re both late.” He stated, glaring down at the both of you. “And you’re clothes are all messed up. I’d love to hear why that is. Care to explain?” He asked. The other students were whispering and giggling. You looked over to the boy next to you to see him blushing, stuttering out why you were late. “W-we ran into each other at the door so that’s why our clothes are messed up.” He explained. “Y-yeah! And I’m new, so I got lost on the way over.” You said. It wasn’t a lie, but your teacher gave you both the look that he didn’t buy your story at all. “Uh-huh. Josuke Higashikata, (Y/N) (L/N), detention. You’ll be spending lunch in room 304 with Mr. Kira.” He said, grinning. “Yeah yeah ok.” Josuke grumbled, making his way to the back of the class. 

You zoned out for majority of the period, but were snapped out of your trance by the sound of the bell ringing. You packed up your stuff and began to leave before you were stopped. “Hey, (Y/N), right? We have detention and I don’t want my mom to yell at me for ditching again, so wanna walk with me?” Josuke asked. “Sure. Thanks!” You said, following him out of the classroom and to room 304.

Upon opening the door, you noticed that you and Josuke weren’t the only students in detention. There were four other students there. One was sketching, one was yelling about something that happened in another class, one was giving lovey dovey eyes to the boy next to her, and the boy next to her looked like he was on the verge of an emotional breakdown. The teacher, Mr. Kira, was not in the classroom. Apparently, he didn’t show up to teach very often and just assigned work online. “Shit, you guys too?” Josuke asked. “JOSUKE! WHATS UP MAN?” The loud guy shouted, running over to Josuke. “Who’s the hottie?” He asked. You hid your face in your hands, blushing at his forwardness. “This is (Y/N) (L/N). She’s new here.” Josuke said. “(Y/N)! I’m Okuyasu Nijimura! Guys introduce yourselves. Don’t be assholes.” He said. “Rohan Kishibe.” The boy who was sketching said. “I’m Yukako Yamagishi.” The girl who was staring at the boy said. “And I’m Koichi Hirose.” The boy mumbled, hiding his head in his arms. Clearly, he wasn’t used to detention. 

15 minuets had passed and Mr. Kira hadn’t shown up yet. “This is pointless. Whaddya say we get outta here?” Okuyasu said. “You mean ditch?” You asked. “Duh. This is fuckin boring and Mr. Kira isn’t gonna be here, so why don’t we just leave? We can go to the roof and hang out there.” He said, looking over at Josuke to get his imput. “I’m with Okuyasu. There’s no point in sitting in detention if there’s no teacher to mess with.” Josuke snickered. “I don’t want to ‘hang out’ with you two dumbasses, but I don’t want to be here either. I’m gonna go to the courtyard.” Rohan said, packing up his sketchbook and pencils. “W-what? You’re ditching?! That’ll just get you in even more trouble if you get caught! I’m staying here.” Koichi said, hoping that Josuke, Okuyasu, and Rohan would listen. “If Koichi is staying, then I’m staying too.” Yukako said, scooching closer to Koichi. Koichi moved away from her. You giggled. “Well, (Y/n)? What are you gonna do?” Josuke asked.

“Uhh...”

MAKE YOUR CHOICE: 1. GO TO THE ROOF WITH JOSUKE AND OKUYASU 2. GO TO THE COURTYARD WITH ROHAN 3. STAY IN THE CLASS WITH YUKAKO AND KOICHI

comment your decision! remember, the majority wins!

also, do yall want yukako as a love interest or a rival?

[morbidly-malicious-muffins]

What Kind of Music Slashers Would Vibe to Headcanons♪

This little thing popped into my head. Fyi, the canon timelines are thrown out the window for this so... Yeah.

Bring forth the bop~

RZ Michael Myers

"Let my weapons be your children, let my armies be your damned. Try to suffer on in silence, try to stop me if you can." --- This Cold Black by Slipknot

I think he'd really enjoy metal in general. I can totally see him unknowingly stomping to some Marilyn Manson and Meshuggah, though the lyrics and message probably will just fly over his head.

He listens to some heavy shit, but probably all the more mainstream bands/artists.

The loudness and organized chaos of the genre fills the void in his soul and reflects the state of his mind, despite his stoic and non-verbal outer demeanor.

Someone please do everyone a favor and introduce Michael to some death metal. Admit it, it really fits his aesthetic.

This is just based on speculation, but I suspect a 70% possibility of RZ Michael resonating with Cannibal Corpse. Fight me.

He hates classical music with a burning passion. Back in Smith's Grove, they played Bach's Air Sul G on tap. (its canon in the first movie lmao) He hates it. Mikey no likey.

Freddy Krueger

"No stop signs, speed limit, nobody's gonna slow me down. Like a wheel, gonna spin it, nobody's gonna mess me around." --- Highway to Hell, by AC/DC

Freddy listens to classic rock, period.

This guy is ngl a supporter of music taste discrimination. You listen to pop? Disgusting. You listen to Jazz? Disgusting. Classic rock is the epitome of all music.

He'll call you music-related slurs you never knew existed.

As stubborn adamant as Freddy is, he does harbor some guilty pleasures, including 70's hair metal and glam rock. Pshh. What a heckin hypocrite.

Some of his all time favorites are Guns N' Roses, Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, and AC/DC.

(Basic bitch)

*Hip thrust movements to go with his 'The Sprinkler' dance moves, Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N' Roses blasting in the background*

OG Michael Myers

He doesn't listen to music, but if he did, he would probably enjoy Jazz.

Michael only listens to Miles Davis because he enjoys his music and can't be bothered to discover more artists.

Oml Michael I know Miles Davis is amazing but don't neglect other iconic artists plzzz. Someone please make him listen to some Teddy Wilson and/or Dave Brubeck.

I imagine him sitting stiff-straight on a rocking chair (he just likes how it moves), knife in his lap, rocking and zoning-out relaxing to 'Blue in Green'. (I love that piece)

#AfterHeFinallyKillsLaurie

#RetirementGoals

He also hates classical music because of the same reason as RZ Myers. Seriously, if either of them so much as hears the opening chord of Air Sul G, expect the speaker to be stomped to a pulp in a split second.

Bubba Sawyer

Alright let's all be honest with ourselves... 70's pop and country is Bubba's shit.

Look me in the face and tell me he wouldn't adore ABBA, The Jackson 5, and Dolly Parton. Thats right you can't

Everytime 'Dancing Queen' starts playing on the radio, Bubba will drop everything and start busting down.

Ain't nothing and nobody stoppin him. Drayton is powerless against the supreme sovereignty that is ABBA.

But let's also appreciate the fact that our Bubster can motherfuckin get down. *wipes sweat from forehead + heart eyes*

He would also do passionate lip sync with his heart and soul, to Dolly Parton's 'I Will Always Love You'.

50% chance of him starting to cry right after he finishes his earnest performance.

*Holding Bubba in your arms, rubbing comforting circles on his back as he bawls hysterically, incoherently babbling on about how much he loves you*

I also feel for some reason he'd really like Joan Jett & The Blackhearts.

Thomas Hewitt

"For one moment, I wish you'd hold your stage, with no feelings at all. Open minded, I'm sure I used to be so free." --- Citizen Erased by Muse

Y'know what I have a hard time imagining the type of music Tommy listens to. Kutos, Mr. Hewitt, you have defeated me.

siKE

(This is where I yeet the timeline out of the window y'all)

Thomas enjoys Muse, Evanescence, and Radiohead. (Fight me)

He just loves how emotional their songs are. He'd have one earbud in as he works away at his projects for hours. The music helps him concentrate, it is also a source of emotional support to him.

Hearing the heart-wretching lyrical content of 'Lost in Paradise' performed so beautifully by Amy Lee's angellic voice is really comforting to him. It's like hearing about another person's experiences. It makes him feel less alone in dealing with his emotional and mental turmoils and burdens.

The first time Thomas heard 'Creep' by Radiohead, he almost cried.

He also listens to My Chemical Romance sometimes. He only knows the Black Parade album, but he loves it. If 'Creep' didn't make him cry, listening to that entire album from top to bottom sure did. He started sobbing half-way through 'Famous Last Words'.

Tommy is emotional boi 🥺

Brahms Heelshire

C l a s s i c a l

No matter how stinky Brahms is, you can't tell me that he's not classy.

Schubert is his bitch. Schubert's style tends to be quite majestic and/or dreamy, (generally) and can change color/sound very abruptly yet appropriately. (This is just my opinion based on experience with Schubert's pieces, but then I only know his piano pieces soo) (let's still cue that maestoso to scherzando transition)

But of course, Schubert isn't the only thing he listens to. He prefers the romantic period, so Mendelssohn, Rachmaninoff, Chopin, Shostakovich, Brahms, Schumann, you get the gist, all the staples. Oh yeah Elgar too. To be a proud English lad.

*Brahms swaying in the living room with the grace of a baby giraffe, engrossed in the beautiful melodies in Schumann's Kinderszenen.*

(Oml please check out 'Von fremden Landern und Manschen' and 'Kind im Einschlummern') (For those who play piano, they aren't that difficult too totally recommend) (Ok sorry I'm done now)

Brahms would totally waltz around alone to Chopin's waltzes and nocturnes.

Oh yeah apart from that classy shit, he likes to jam to meme songs.

"Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play---"

*cut to Brahms passionately fortnite dancing*

Listens to The Strange Man Who Sings About Dead Animals for a good laugh. (Please, all of his songs are gold)

Vincent Sinclair

He'll have 'emo' and 'classical' with a side of metal, thanks.

I headcanon that Vinny McWaxy is an INFJ, so the boy is likely prone to crippling existentialism. It would make sense for some aspects of his music taste to reflect that.

*cut to Vincent sitting rock-still on his workbench/stool, hands hover in mid-air, staring straight ahead, some John Cage piece playing*

You'll never hear this from Vincent but he enjoys sexy-time music. He has this whole erotic playlist he listens to while working. (Boy likes to feel sexy on the job, I respect that.)

I think its pretty much canon that Vinny loves MCR. (Hello fellow emo piece of shit 👋) His favorites are everything by them really. A hardcore fan. He used to have MCR, P!ATD, and 30 Seconds to Mars posters plastered everywhere in his workshop until he had to remove them all to add to the intimidation factor of his waxy hell for passer-bys. For the record, he is very gay for Frank Iero.

On the metal part of his spectrum is mostly classic metal, groove metal, and thrash/heavy metal.

Rammstein, Pantera, Vildhjarta, new and old Metallica, Dream Theatre, Coheed and Cambria. His bitches.

He also uses music to scare victims when bringing them down to his workshop. *cue horror movie soundtracks*

*KI KI KI MA MA MA*

Is a whore for the dramatics when in a good mood.

*Lacrimosa by Mozart plays as he makes a point to bring the wax painfully slowly down toward a drowsy and petrified victim*

A lament for your upcoming death, pitiful human.

Bo Sinclair

"The day has come for all us sinners, if you're not a servant you'll be struck to the ground." -- Beast and The Harlot by Avenged Sevenfold

Bastard boy is into dad-music™. (same)

Dad rock, classic rock, pop punk, punk rock, old school pop, his shit.

He listens to a lot of the same bands as Freddy, but Bo (generally) doesn't discriminate and explores a more diverse variety of music.

Its a fandom canon that Bo loves Avenged Sevenfold. I totally agree.

A7x is the perfect amount of cynical, political, and shred for Beauregard, (I hc that ge hates his full name so plz don't ever call him Beauregard)

He listens to the radio whenever he's at work. Whatever that might be.

Will NEVER admit it, but he thinks Vinny's music taste is dope as hell.

He'll turn off the radio just to strain his ears to listen to Vincent's music downstairs. No one will ever know that though. You don't.

Actually likes classical music too. Its not one of his main genres but there's one piece he really likes, Second Movement of Shostakovich Piano Concerto No. 2 in F Major.

He never thought he'd enjoy this type of music. Its so.... Calm. He discovered that piece from Vinny's playlist. When he first heard it on his brother's speaker, he fell in love. It was one of the extremely rare cases in which he'd be committed enough to ask Vinny the name of the music.

Tiny shuffle for man-kind, huge fuckin step for Bo. Good job Bo, we're proud of you.

Also pleeeeeaaase message me or request stuff, I'm bored and have little inspiration 🦊

I might do a pt2 of this, since I didn't write many of the boys and gals🤷‍♀️

Also sorry if I've neglected some genres/artists (Like i've neglected non-piano classical pieces.... Bc ya girl is just a pianist), a person can't know everything😗

---Zali 🖤

[jrueships]

What wips do you have rn 👀 elaborate pspspspsp

Too many wips.. thats what I have rn.. too many...

WJBFJEBF so the ones I'm most focusing on rn is the spiderman! Donovan/royce au!! So far I wrote the whole exposition and I'm working on the 'enticing incident' LMFAO it's upgraded from my last summary so I have more to write because I'm insane but yeah! It's the one I want done the most but I'm also gonna go on a trip with my buds to this place without wifi for like? Four days so 😭 I might have to finish it there and wait forever until I can post it! And I'm still unsure about the ending!!! THE STRUGGLE

a shorter fic I have in mind still is the russell waiting for kd at a table for two but he never shows up fic! I just really like writing russell widjsbf but not much action happens there! Many just dialogue and a lot of pg fashion/life roasting from Russell's inner dialogue. He's very judgemental of people who give off douchebag frat bro vibes but can't help but feel intrigued by them JABFJWB oh and he makes fun of pg simping for gold diggers

The fics I have written partly but put back in the burner are my donovan/jaylen fic, marcus/giannis, pg/kawhi jealousy fic, pg/kawhi sm*t fic, pg/kawhi space au, and john/trae patroclus and Achilles au! Mainly because they're super long and I get nervous about writing them too much and wasting all my muse on one thing, so I get scared and back off 😭 but I'll tell u the basic summary of them!!

💙 donovan/jaylen fic is based off the idea of donovan going grocery shopping and getting all mad at the thought of the clippers LMFAO. Basically he's at a grocery store getting flowers for his sports medicine doctor for always putting up with his bullshit (never wanting to sit down and relax so he can actually heal. Playing through the pain). But as he shops, he keeps finding the simplest shit that reminds him of the clippers. Like he sees a claw machine and thinks about Kawhi and how collected that guy is, just chillin in the upper stands, while his team is facing a possible defeat. Donny gets all frustrated because like?? He can't just do that? Just sit back and chill while his team is playing without him? Donny HAS to help, has to GET OUT THERE!! kawhi Doesn't... but kawhi is the one who won a championship. And donovan starts doubting his leadership skills and if he's really good for his team.. if he let them down by being Too pushy and Too in their faces.

+ and then when he's getting a cute card to go with the flowers, he spots one that says "you're the man!!" And he thinks about terance Mann and his great game against them, how proud pg, basically his mentor, was of him. And it makes donovan think about his loss and how he couldn't get that same pride out of Dwyane Wade.

Overall, everything makes him feel useless af and he almost kicks a shelf out of anger. But he calms himself down and goes back to the flowers because he actually only got this little dinky green plant still struggling to bloom? He got it for himself because he felt bad for it LMAO but he still needs to get flowers for his sports medicine doctor. He's goes back to the flower section and who does he see? JAYLEN BROWN all gussied up in his depression fit LMFAO.. but they both are. Jaylen and him try to joke but they're both tired and awkward so it sucks IABDKSBD they basically just ask what the other is doing there. Jaylen is just traveling rn because he got nothin else to do IWBDKS but he bought Deuce a souvenir gift! And he asks Donovan if he can help him put it in his trunk (but really he doesn't need donovan's help. He can pick the toy up himself. He just knows that Donovan is too stubborn to accept help when he needs it but he'll always try helping others out! So he wants donny to think he's helping jaylen but in reality jaylen is trying to help HIm because at the car he invites Donovan to go meet up at a hotel with him where they kiss and have sad *** to make themselves feel better WKBFKSBX) that's basically it!!!! I have literally everything written but the *** scene they're literally my weakness.. I love the emotions they make but I hate.. describing the actions it takes to make them?? Idk I just feel cheesy writing it? It's very tedious and boring to actually crank my brain for a synonym to 'moan' because I'm tired of using that word but it's the only word that really applies to that situation without sounding weird, yknow?? Just very tedious

💙💙💙 OK so marcus/giannis idk bro like... it's just taking so long IWBKENF idk what to say except giannis makes a ton of small jokes at marcus

💙💙 OK so pg/kawhi jealousy fic... BASICALLY the plot is LeBron hosts some big rich guy party for the NBA because I need a reason to write all these people that live far apart interacting together OKAY??? But anyways it takes place after 2020 lakers winning the championship! Pg convince the clippers to come or else they'll look bad for being the only team not coming and they media will have a field day with them, so the clippers join the party. Basically everyone who later team up in 2021 are talking to eachother LMFAO like James hardon+kyrie+kd are talking while russell westbrook and beal are bonding over dance moves with a jealous John wall pouting in the corner. Obligatory Marcus and giannis interactions because I can. Kyle and demar are laughing together. It's all goood until LeBron waltzes over with his weird ass feet and starts talking to kawhi. Hes being all Handsome and Strong and lowkey flexing his win. Its starting to make pg suspicious so he keeps intruding upon the conversation. His inner dialogue is basically a ton of lebron hate KABFKWB. LeBron sometimes comments back to pg but ends up kinda tuning him outta the conversation and sly dissing him to kawhi like "how does it feel talking to someone who doesn't hit the side of the backboard lol"

Pg is starting to get nervous because he's trying to compete against LEBRON over who's the better teammate for kawhi.. and with his current playoff history.. he's not gonna win. He keeps trying to get kawhi out of the conversation, but lebron keeps drawing him back in and pg ends up giving up or he risks looking like an overbearing girlfriend.. So he slinks off in hopes of distracting himself. Originally, pg thought KAWHI would be the one standing all alone awkwardly in the room with no one to talk to, but it's slowly becoming HIM who's the lonely one LMFAO. He tries joining in bradley and Russ's conversation because HEY!! Everybody leaves russ! Russ must be SUUUPER lonely and DESPERATE for someone to talk to him‼ especially when his old ex durant is out there plotting with his two hydra heads!! paul thought, anyways, but finds out russ is actually having the time of his life clowning around with beal !! That just makes pg even more envious and he walks away with zero satisfaction of feeling superior JABDJSB he tries talking to John wall like "this party fuckin sucks bro" but John kinda barks at him and pg gives up. He tries talking to marcus and giannis but that was a mistake because the two smartiest smartasses in the room start roasting him together so he's shunned back to pretending like he's getting 700 thirsty women in his dms, AKA pretending like he got a text on his phone while he leans alone on a wall LMFAO. After glancing up periodically (and casually) to see if kawhi is still talking to lebron, he later gives up on playing popular and goes to hide in the bathroom like a fucking loser WHDJBFJEBD in summary he kinda broods and steams about how much he hates lebron and how he's 'so much better than him' and he's just thinking of petty insults against him to try and convince the kawhi in his mind not to leave him for lebron. He gets really mad and punches a mirror, but thank God lebron is playing bass boosted music so no one at the party hears it.

But, demar ends up knocking on the door. He needs to shit. So pg is like.. what do I do with this broken mirror and my bleeding hand.. so he tries to keep demar out and they banter and eventually demar notices its kinda weird for pg to be huddled up in the bathroom instead of partying.. he must be getting high or smthin. So he's like "that's fucking stupid. He can go get high in one of lebrons 700 rooms. Why The bathroom." So he just opens the door LANKDN and sees The Scene.

At first he's like "are u paying for that.." to which pg responds with "uhhh. I tripped and hit my head on it" (while clutching a bleeding fist) but then he realizes OHHH pg must be ... OH is he.. no.. he can't be limp wristed... blah blah they end up bonding over their funny situations: demar being jealous of kawhi and feeling like kyle thinks he sucks because of him. Pg being jealous of lebron and feeling like kawhi thinks he sucks because of him. Blah blah it's a bittersweet ending pg becomes a little less of a jerk blah blah I haven't finished it because I'm stupid and WEAK

💙💙💙💙 pg/kawhi space au is just too long I have to be in the mood to write it or I end up dismissing good details I could have included if i wasn't in such a burnt out mind!

💙💙💙 pg/kawhi sm*t fic I gotta be in the mood to detail the h*rny right 😭😭

💙💙💙 john/trae patroclus and Achilles is mainly just an idea but with no plot!

But yeah!!! Those are SOME of my wips!! This post is really long tho so I'll just shout out those!!!@ thank u for the interest tho that's so cute 😭😭😭 it helps me write more when I have a plot lined up to look off of and remember ideas so this is really helpful to me too!!! I'll be shocked if u read this far tbh!! But anyways THANK U ALWAYS FOR THE ASKS, ANON!!!!!

[longitud-de-onda]

ego

pairing; agent whiskey | jack daniels x female reader summary; you and jack are stuck in an apartment when the city you’re in goes into lockdown for covid-19. as the time goes by in isolation, tension can only rise. rating; t warnings; mention of sex and the results of a one-night stand, alcohol, angst, quarantine word count; 3.3k a/n; first whiskey fic! not sure how it went, but i’m happy with it. reader’s statesmen codename is agent cider

“Fuck!” Whiskey yelled from the other room and you heard the shattering sound of glass.

You didn’t want to get up but you figured you had to at this point.

“What’s wrong, Whiskey?” you say, leaning against the doorframe of your bedroom, staring out into the living space. He was pacing back and forth, which explained the sound that had been driving you insane. Glass littered the carpet near the coffee table.

“We have to fucking stay here,” he growled. He stopped to slam down his hand on the kitchen counter, causing you to jump. “Champ said the mission’s aborted. We’re stuck.”

Shit. “How long are we here for?”

“Don’t know.  At least a couple weeks, if not more.” Whiskey was getting more worked up with every word. “The damn quarantine doesn’t start for another 12 hours, we could be long gone by then, but headquarters fuckin’ wants us to stay.”

“It’s for the best, right?” you said, trying to stay calm about things. You weren’t thrilled at the prospect of living with Whiskey for an unspecified period, but you couldn’t complain. Statesman would still pay you, and for the mission you were holed up in one of their properties, a rather large and well-stocked two-bedroom apartment. You weren’t supposed to be here for more than a couple more days so you’d need to get more food, but beyond that? You were set.

“For the best? The best would be lettin’ us not get caught in a damn city-wide lockdown. We could at least take up another job in another city.” He was so worked up you were worried he would smash another glass or pull out one of the guns you knew were strapped under that jacket of his.

You wandered into the living room, stepping carefully around the broken glass to perch yourself on the couch. “Agent Whiskey, you’re a smart man. What’s the primary purpose of Statesman?”

“To protect the people of the world from terrorists and other major threats,” he said, reciting the phrase every agent knew by heart. Not because they had to, but because Champ was always saying it.

“Right. And COVID-19? It’s a major threat. The virus itself, yeah, but also the panic surrounding it. Everyone’s going insane. Plus, the quarantine helps limit the spread. Staying here is best for the public health. And another mission in another city? Whiskey, you know that the rest of the US is going to follow suit soon enough. We’ve got to accept that we’re here for the foreseeable future.”

“I don’t want to be here for the foreseeable future.” Even though you were frustrated that Whiskey was acting like a baby, he had at least stopped pacing and was now sinking onto one of the barstools against the kitchen counter.

“It’s a big apartment.” You shrugged. There wasn’t much left you could do at this point. You had to accept the situation.

.

“I can’t sit and read another damn book.”

You looked up to see Whiskey standing a few feet away from the couch where you sat, working on a project on your laptop.  He looked tired.

It had been almost 12 hours since you had lost contact with the rest of Statesman, along with all the intel work they had you doing. The distillery was shut down for health reasons, and given the high number of agents that had tested positive, they opted to shut down operations for a while, leaving you and Whiskey without anything to do to pass the time.

“You don’t have to read,” you said. “There’s a tv, a kitchen, you can do whatever you want. There’s an iPad too.”

“I don’t wanna sit around, doll. This life is much too boring.”

“It’s the life we’ve got to live, Whiskey,” you said, shutting your laptop and standing up. “And don’t call me doll.”

You walked back into your room and shut the door. Over the past couple of days, you had grown fed up with Whiskey; every couple hours he’d pop into wherever you were working and complain. He never wanted to talk with you. He never helped make meals. He didn’t want to do anything with you.

But you couldn’t necessarily blame him. Ever since that fateful drunken night a couple months ago things hadn’t been the same.

The two of you were celebrating a successful mission at the Statesman bar laughing and loudly boasting to whoever would listen. At 3am you stumbled out to the parking lot, attempting to get into your car when Jack sauntered up behind you.

“Cider, darlin’, you don’t think you’re gonna drive home in that state, are you?”

You scoffed. “I’m gonna do whateeeever I fuckin’ please, Jack, you can’t stop me.”

“I can stop you from driving home drunk.”

“What are you gonna do about it? Drive me home? ‘Cause I don’t think y’can like that.” You gestured lamely at Jack, swirling around your finger in front of his chest and then poking him.

“You’re right, darlin’, neither of us are gonna be makin’ it home tonight, but my truck’s got more space that that little sedan of yours so I’d suggest you sit pretty in my passenger seat, recline it and sleep.”

You made it into his car, but by the time he was helping you recline the seat-back you were tugging him on top of you, pressing your lips to his, and pulling him all the way into the truck. He closed the door and at the same time, dipped a hand under your shirt, working his way up to palm your breast. And the night disappeared into a drunken haze of moaning and connection and something slow and emotional that you were afraid to admit.

The next morning you woke up, pressed against Jack on the reclined seat of his truck, his breath light on your shoulder where his mustache tickled against your skin. Your neck was sore from the position and your arm hurt from the unnatural curve of the seat.

And you were both naked.

That was enough for your eyes to fly wide open. You had just drunkenly fucked your work partner of five years. Five whole years of a professional relationship. Five years of not letting his flirty nature get to you. And you ended up naked in his goddamn truck.

And Jack. He was still caught up on that high school sweetheart of his. The one he lost all those years ago. You knew Jack better than most, and ever since losing her, he hadn’t been one to fuck around. He was going to regret this, and you didn’t want to be the person that ruined things for him. Even if it was something you wanted. So you pushed his arm off from around you (thank god he was a heavy sleeper when hungover) and quietly opened the car door and slipped out into the morning sun.

Later that day you asked Champ to be reassigned partners. He looked you in the eye and asked you why and your silence told him everything.

And thankfully, he didn’t ask any more questions, just signed you off to work with Agent Brandy and for Jack to work with Agent Bourbon.

It was going smoothly until a week later you ran into Jack for the first time since that morning as you were entering the briefing room and he was leaving. The look of anger in his eyes when he saw you caused a sharp pang of guilt that you felt for the rest of the day. The following evening he approached you at the bar.

“So you requested a new partner? Was I that bad?” He was stumbling a bit. Drunk. That took a lot of work for him. A lot of alcohol. You could smell it on his breath.

“I’m sorry Whiskey, it didn’t make sense to keep going. Had to stay professional, you know?”

“Right. Professional.”  You could tell he was trying to infuse his words with venom, but the alcohol slurred every syllable. “Throwing five damn good years down the drain, and now I’m stuck with Bourbon. Real professional, Cider.”

“You know it was the right decision. Don’t lie to yourself about it,” you said, trying to convince him. But you were also trying to convince yourself.

You didn’t see him for another couple months, missions keeping the two of you busy. That is until Agent Brandy got himself into a little accident and was stuck in the hospital for a few weeks and Champ gave you little warning before Whiskey wandered into the briefing room for your next mission, looking just as surprised as you were that the two of you were being assigned as partners again.

You sank down onto your bed. You’d be lying to yourself to say that you weren’t excited to work with Whiskey again, but you had fucked up and now he didn’t want anything to do with you.

.

“I’m going out for groceries,” you called back towards the bedrooms.

“Can you even do that?”

“Yeah, one person per household can leave for essential groceries.”

“When are you going to be back?”

“I don’t know, depends on the lines,” you said.

You heard a door open and Whiskey appeared in the living room. “Can you get some stuff for lasagna?”

“I don’t know how to make lasagna, Whiskey,” you said. If you were going to be doing all the cooking, he was going to have to deal with whatever you put on the table.

“I wanted to make it,” he said.

So Whiskey was finally willing to cook. Great. To be honest, you had missed his cooking. On previous missions, if you were lying low for a while, not unlike this, he would cook all the time. The two of you were both comfortable in a kitchen, but Whiskey’s cooking was really the best food in the world.

“Okay. Ricotta cheese, parmesan, the noodles, sauce, meat, what else?”

“Garlic and onion,” he said. And he smiled. That was the first smile he had directed at you. Probably since you had hooked up.

“Right. See you later?”

“See you later,” he grinned. You turn to head out the door. “And thank you, darlin.”

You would never let Whiskey know, but you smiled to yourself on the way out.

.

Things had gotten better between you and Whiskey after he made lasagna. He started helping out with meals. You had bought a few bottles of wine at the store and a few distilled drinks. Those made Whiskey’s eyes light up. Given your shared history with alcohol and each other, you were both pretty good at limiting yourselves, but a glass or two of wine with dinner had you talking into the late evening. You found yourselves spending more time sitting together on the couch to watch movies or read. Sitting down for every meal together became a standard, rather than an afterthought.

You still didn’t say a word about what had happened between you. You couldn’t. The whole thing was soaked in shame.

Sometimes you would come out to the living room but stop before you stepped into the light when you saw Whiskey staring at the photo of his late girlfriend that he kept in his wallet. Your stomach would turn and you retreat to your room again. As much as you hoped he didn’t notice you watching, you knew he did. He was nothing if not perceptive.

.

“Can we do something?” you looked up to see Whiskey standing in the door of your room.

“Like what?” you had been reading for the past five hours and were almost done with the series you had started the week before. It was probably good that he was getting you out of the room.

“I don’t know, I’m bored.”

“So am I.”

“Yeah, but—” he started. “Never mind. I get that you don’t want to spend time with me. I can take a fucking hint, just, next time? Can you just tell me and not act all distant?”

That went a completely different direction than you had expected.

“What do you mean, Whiskey?” You stood up. “I do want to spend time with you, where the hell did you get that idea from? I just asked what you wanted to do.”

“I mean you act so damn distant. I thought things were looking up, like you actually liked me again, but you clearly don’t.” His stance became defensive, and you could see the muscles in his face soften. “I try to do things with you and you accept but you’re never really there. You’re different, Cider. It’s like I don’t even know you.”

And here you had thought you were lucking out. Like he was beginning to forgive you for sleeping with him. For leaving him.

“Whiskey, I do like you. And I don’t know what I need to say for you to understand that.”

“I think you’re gonna need to do a lot more than saying shit,” he said. “You’re gonna need to do something. But maybe you could start by explaining things. That’d make me a bit happier.”

“And you think I want to keep talking?” You said it before you realized how awful it sounded. But the next words were tumbling out before you could stop them. “When you’re taking every word I say and thing I do and twisting it? I don’t have a fucking clue what I did that gave you the impression that I didn’t like you, I’ve been nothing but damn happy to have you talking to me again the past week. So I’m not going to be doing any fucking explaining when all you’re going to do is spit my words back at me like they were said to hurt you.”

“What did you do to give me the impression you didn’t like me? Does fucking disappearing the morning after and then asking to never have to work with me again count? Because that was a pretty clear message that you hated me,” Whiskey yelled. He turned around and slammed the door behind him.

He was right even if you didn’t want to admit it.

.

You spend the next couple of days holed up in your respective bedrooms. It was almost humorous how you managed to never run into one other. You even prepared meals separately, relying on leftovers from the week when you didn’t have the energy to cook. One lunch you made a plate for Whiskey too, leaving it out covered in plastic wrap on the counter. You heard him go out to the kitchen for lunch an hour later and that night when you made dinner, the plate was still sitting on the counter, wrapped up and uneaten.

He went out for groceries. You were in the living when he came back and stood up to help him unpack.

“I don’t need your help,” he said, almost devoid of emotion.

“I don’t mind helping.”

“Well, I don’t want your help.”

You took your leave. Not before seeing a large bottle of vodka peeking out of one of the bags. After you took your dinner into your room, you heard him wandering around with the television turned on, loud. When you went out to clean your dishes, he had a glass in his hand and was staring at the screen, playing some sort of morbid news about the virus. Something you were quick to identify as pure fear-mongering.

“You shouldn’t watch that, Whiskey.”

He glanced up at you, his voice thick with the alcohol and the southern drawl only amplified. “Cider, babe. You know my name.”

“And you know mine, Whiskey.”

“You should use it,” he smiled, “It sounds so nice coming from those pretty lips.”

Your stomach clenched. It was one thing to avoid you for what you had done. It was a whole other thing to torment you like this. You liked him, that was nothing new to you, the secret you had kept for years. Hearing him flirt again, flirt while drunk and out of it? It hurt.

“Right. Well, you should still stop watching. Good night.”

.

The next morning the entire bottle was empty on the countertop and you didn’t hear a single movement coming from Whiskey’s room until 2pm.

.

Things got worse. So much worse. The isolation was really getting to you. How anyone could manage this for more than a couple days was beyond you. Anyone doing this without anyone else in their home had to be the bravest souls.

.

“I can’t do this anymore,” your voice cracked as you stared down at Jack. You had pushed open the door to his bedroom after softly knocking and not relieving any response. It had been a couple days since that night with the vodka.

Jack was sitting on his bed, laptop up in front of him, but he closed it as soon as he saw you crying at the door.

“What’s wrong, Cider?”

“I can’t keep being alone in this house.” The tears were flowing down your cheeks and every few words were punctuated by a gasp for air. “I can’t keep avoiding you. I’m sorry. I fucked up, I know. And you haven’t responded well the last few days. But I know it’s ninety percent my fault, and I know you probably can’t forgive me at this point. I honestly thought you were getting close, but then—then you weren’t, and you probably hate me. And I’m so fucking alone now.”

In the time you had taken to say those words, Jack had sprung to his feet and was standing in front of you. His hands were planted on your upper arms, a calming pressure enough to get the tears to subside for a moment.

“Look at me,” he said, “All I ever wanted was an apology and for you to come back. I never wanted for you to disappear from my life, and then not offer any explanations. You’ve been my most trusted companion for years. I could never hate you.”

“You don’t hate me?”

“Of course not, darlin,” he smiled. “I’m mad at you, sure. Have been for a while. But hate you? Never. Can you just tell me one thing?”

“Anything.” You stared up at those swirling brown eyes that had always held you with such high regard. There were tears in the corners.

“Why’d you leave?”

“What?”

“That whole day was the worst day of my life since I lost her, you know? I woke up after an amazing night and you were gone, and then I got to work and was called in and told I had a new partner. It hurt. Just as much as losing someone. Maybe even worse ‘cause they’re still right there, but don’t want to see you.”

“Jack, I—” You weren’t sure where to start. Hearing his side of things made it so much worse. “You don’t do that. The whole, sleeping around thing? That’s me. But you don’t seem to have moved on, and I didn’t want you to resent me.”

“Resent you? I thought you knew. I wouldn’t have let that happen if I didn’t want it.”

“Do you mean—”

“Cider, you’re it for me. And I thought I wasn’t it for you. I thought you regretted that night.”

You stared up at Jack in shock. He didn’t regret that night? You had run away from him when he wanted you back? If you had stayed, would you two be—You couldn’t finish that thought.

“Am I wrong?” Jack asked, and you could now see the worry crossing his features. “You didn’t regret it, did you?”

“No. I didn’t.” It felt good to say that. After all of that, for those words to be out there. For the agreement to be laid down in front of the two of you.

He pulled you into a hug.

“You’re it for me too, Jack,” you said, and pushed him back. You wanted to see his face so that you could wrap your hands around his neck and kiss him like you had wanted to for years.

.

taglist; @pascalisthepunkest​ @turquiosenights @el-lizzie​ @sparrows-books​ @dxxkxx​ @opheliaelysia​ @trashbin2​ @arcadianempress​ @rzrcrst​ @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead​

[snickiebear]

yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)

ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you. 

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them. 

As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are. 

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

OMGG okok 

@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. 

@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn 

@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL. 

fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks

i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A. 

When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip. 

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH. 

@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about. 

@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it. 

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA

Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka

Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it. 

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay. 

I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time. 

Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH

Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?

Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.

Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps. 

As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing. 

It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.

Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA  

40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?

AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO

so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.

Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.” 

The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic. 

I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))

ask me shit plz

[thisisthehardestthing]

wait r u fr? tumblr ate the ask? pls i’m so fuckin mad i literally typed paragraphs about how much i loved it so here we go i’m gonna try to be more coherent this time:

this mafia fic is my favorite haikyuu fic i’ve ever read and one of my fave fics in general. like the amount of hard work and research u put into it is so clear and it shows in the amazing quality of the fic. ur pacing, the flow of ur words, ur characterizations of tanaka and val, the way u pull off that last scene. everything is so well done and all of those things are super hard to pull off on their own so props to u for being able to do all of those. like wow i really am in awe of ur talent and i’m so thankful for ur hard work and the fact that u posted this like u rlly took me thru an emotional ride and gave me such a good piece of writing to enjoy and i love that.

okay so: details. i love the way u include the little things in the fic. stuff like the name of the designers and the names of organizations and stuff in the fic helps me picture the scenes so much and it just really adds to the extravagant feel of the fic.

with symbolism, i could literally write paragraphs about how well u included symbols in this fic. like i deadass gasped when the viper necklace was crushed in the final scene at the end right before tanaka did it. the parallels!!!! god ur so good at writing and obviously ur brain is huge to have thought of that and seamlessly included it into the fic.

okay so idk what the proper term for this is but like, the way that action happens in the fic is so well done and not predictable but still in line with what you’ve revealed to us about the characters. like ofc tanaka would pull the necklace out of his pocket at just that moment as a way to reveal to daichi what he felt. it’s just so perfect and so true to the person he is in the fic. about his characterization, god i love it so much. all of the pain and yearning and sheer want in his person were clearly conveyed thru his perspectives and his actions. like that boy just wants to be loved and that’s why it made such good narrative sense to have daichi ask him who he loves more in the scene right before the ending. like i saw the tag for death and expected a million things but u somehow managed to surprise me and yet still stay true to the world and characters u created and ugh, it’s all so perfect.

speaking of, the pacing of this fic is so good. like u manage to take us thru a whirlwind time period that doesn’t feel fast or drawn out or anything other than perfect. u have such a good awareness of pacing that it makes me so jealous and yet so pleased as a reader. like nothing about their love confessions or trysts felt rushed or forced. it felt so natural and true to the people they were and the world that they live in.

also i said before in the other ask how i love the way u utilize sex scenes in the fic. u sprinkle them in at just the right moment and they manage to be hot but they also reveal so much about the characters involved. like i’m specifically thinking of the scene in tanaka’s home where she asks why he won’t touch her and he says that she didn’t give him permission. like the love and devotion in that way of thinking felt so true and yet in the end he still did it and ugh that breaks my heart in the best way bc i know my pain as a reader is nothing next to his pain as a character. i would actually love to pick ur brain about how u decided on the ending. did it come to u in the moment or did u set out writing the fic knowing it would end up like that? so many questions rlly bc u created a world and a cast of characters that are so interesting like i would literally read books about them. (esp val. i loved how headstrong and proud she was but also how weak and emotional she could be. her ending made me sad but u kno, it made sense) and i’m especially curious to find out how tanaka copes after. like i can’t imagine that daichi would just accept his loyalty again but u do manage to surprise me in the best way so who knows. but i also mourn for him which is a little odd for me bc after finding out that he knew about daichi’s affair i felt betrayed and it hurt for some reason which is so interesting bc i trusted him and felt like i knew him, but u still managed to keep parts of him hidden, which is so cool.

oh and despite the tragic ending, u fed us so good with scenes of the two everywhere. like i love how we got to see tanaka and val in their own homes and at parties and we truly got to see how they act when they’re alone and when they’re comfortable and when they’re playing the part of loyal bodyguard or loyal wife. ugh it’s all so good and tbh i only finished it like maybe half an hour again but i already want to read it again bc it was so fucking good and the way u write emotions like yearning and heartbreak is so good like ugh. everything about the way u wrote this fic was so amazing and fuck tumblr for eating my ask but i hope i at least manage to repeat the majority of what was in the og ask lol.

hello anon <3

It is the weekend so I finally have enough brain power to reply.

I wanted to be selfish and keep this in my inbox forever, because this might be the kindest, most appreciative thing everyone has ever said to me about my writing. Toska is a piece of my heart and my soul in written word, and to have received something like this? It’s... indescribable. You have picked up on so many of the small details, symbols, and more that I littered throughout the fic, and you’ve called out the things that I was excited about people reading and reacting to.

Fic Spoilers below the cut.

everything is so well done and all of those things are super hard to pull off on their own so props to u for being able to do all of those.

Thank you so much. I constantly worried that it was too long, too boring, that there wasn’t enough smut in there to be sexy, or that the plot ultimately didn’t make sense. This means everything to me. Pacing is one of the most important things in a fic to me, because I am the kind of person that easily loses interest when I read. 

details. i love the way u include the little things in the fic.

ahhhhhhhhh!!!! I’m glad this helped you to picture everything! I actually used real life dresses, shoes, locations (google Villa La Vigie, it is STUNNING). I was a fashion student, and I now work in the fashion industry so small details to convery luxury is extremely important to me. I love that it made all the difference to you.

i could literally write paragraphs about how well u included symbols in this fic.

fuck, wow. this. This is what I was truly hoping for. I love figuring out foreshadowing in movies, in books, in tv series. I try to write things that foreshadowing what going to happen in the end throughout of every one of my fics, but this is the first time someone called it out, and I am truly grateful for it. The viper necklace thing is a moment I was very proud of. and when Tanaka tells Val to stop talking about Daichi when they’re alone on the bed together: that’s the first instance where we see his guilt that he knows. Also, when Tanaka says “why dont i finish what I started,” is another thing I linked to the ending.

the way that action happens in the fic is so well done and not predictable but still in line with what you’ve revealed to us about the characters.

kasjsdfhksjdfsd I always thought people could see right through me and how I was going to end it!!!!!!! This means so much thank you! I kept thinking, “fuck people know he’s going to kill her, this is so predictable, all these extra scenes are so boring, is it even worth it?” so AH thank you!

thank you again for the pacing comment <3

i love the way u utilize sex scenes in the fic. u sprinkle them in at just the right moment 

hehehehehehe this makes me very happy. tbh, I wasn’t expecting there to be SO MUCH PLOT when I wrote this fic. I had mapped everything out and planned for it to be about... 5k? words? It ended up being 21k all together lmao. I actually thought there wasn’t enough smuttiness in the entire thing, so thanks for letting me now that it was just the right amount. I was worried because the only time I actually describe them fucking with Tanaka’s dick inside her, is that measley one paragraph at the Monte Carlo Casino. When I realised that, I was in utter shock. I was texting @mindninjax in the discord server like “FUCK. I can’t believe I haven’t actually written sex sex.” Then I went into thinking how disappointed people were going to be and phew, it was a whirlwind of a night.

i would actually love to pick ur brain about how u decided on the ending. did it come to u in the moment or did u set out writing the fic knowing it would end up like that? so many questions rlly

ask away, send in questions. I built this world beyond what I’ve written. I have character layouts and plans for every person I introduced, and have ideas for fics on all of them.

To answer your question, I knew exactly how I wanted it to end before I began writing. That end scene is what I thought of first. Exactly like that, with it being cut off mid-sentence to represent her being shot. That sort of “boom” or feeling of shock where you just stare at the screen is the exact reaction I wanted to get when I finished writing, so I hope that is what happened.

So just, thank you so much anon. For everything, for taking the time to write out this ask a second time after Tumblr ate the first one. It has kept me going since the day you sent it. I really appreciate you, and please, chat to me anytime x

Thank you.

Spasiba x

[geist-fledermaus]

Get To Know Me!

Since I’ve received quite a few followers here and there, I might as well do this!

What is your full name?: Beryl (Sorry, I don’t like my whole name)

What does your name mean?: It’s a gemstone. 

Are you named after anyone?: My großmütter, Beryl Rae Jensen

Does your name make any interesting anagrams?: Not really?

If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?: Fuck if I know. Probably something basic so I’m less easy to find. 

Where are you from?: North Pole, AK (I shit you not)

Where were you born?: North Pole, AK

Where did you grow up?: North Pole, AK

Who did you look up to growing up?: My father.

What are your best characteristics?: I can draw. 

What are your favorite things about yourself?: I can draw. 

Which of your parents are you closest to?: My dad.

Which of your parents are you more like?: My daaaad.

What relative was important to you growing up & why?: Tbh My dad was my super hero, he took care of me and my sister, worked 3 jobs, and took care of mom while she went through cancer. He’s the most important lmfao.

What is one thing that you’ve never revealed to your parents?: I’m Pagan.

What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?: Bert Raymond... 

What is your best physical feature?: Eyes or chest. :/ 

What is your biggest accomplishment?: Being locally recognized as an artist, especially on local TV. 

What is your biggest fear?: Being forgotten, being alone. 

What is your biggest regret?: Not pushing myself even more with art. 

What is your eye color?: Various blues with inner green circles. 

What inspires you?: Other artists. 

What is the most important thing in your life?: My fiance! @boywasgirl

What has required the most courage of you in your life so far?: To not give up. To not quit college and drop everything I’ve worked hard for. 

What is your favorite flower?: Sunflowers!

What is your favorite weather?: Rainy weather and thunder/lightning storms!

Who is your favorite actor?: I have a few, but I love Johnny Depp and Jason Momoa. 

Who is your favorite actress?: F u c k. I adore Emma Stone, Emma Watson.. uhh.. Emilia Clarke! That’s just to name a few. 

Who is your favorite celebrity?: Oh fuck. Idk. 

Who is your favorite musician?: They’re a band but I love Bring Me The Horizon, Oliver Syke’s voice and lyrics hit me hard. 

Who’s your favorite person in the world?: @boywasgirl

Who are your best friends?: @armageddonne @darkdragoonxiii @vixenchildxd69-blog and my bff Alisha! 

What is your favorite childhood memory?: My sister breaking the fucking garage door like a dumbshit. 

What is your favorite color?: Black or seafoam green~ I also love other greens and blues! It’s so damn hard to choose. 

What is your favorite cultural activity?: Uh. Axe throwing? Idk what counts as a cultural activity when it comes to me and my family haha. 

What is your favorite drink?: For waking up, Monster or pomegranate and orange redbull kickers, I love mountain dew, anything with peaches and mango as well. 

What is your favorite fairytale?: HAHA. I looove reading about the Tales of Grimm. I can’t just pick one. 

What is your favorite food?: Pizza or Taco Bell.

What is your favorite holiday destination?: Anywhere but Alaska. I love to explore. I REALLY want to travel to Germany, Norway, Ireland, England, and most of Western Europe. 

What is your favorite ice-cream flavor?: Strawberry Cheesecake or Mint Chocolate

What is your favorite music genre?: Fuck. I have so many. I love a lot of metal subgenres, alternative rock, punk, old 2000′s emo bands, EDM, rap, I don’t even know how to label all of my favorites but there’s a lot to unpack there. If you’re curious just shoot me a question ahaha! 

What is your favorite physical activity?: Swimming!! 

What is your favorite quote?: “Keep listening to music because it gets you through everything, I promise.” - Mitch Lucker, former vocalist of Suicide Silence. 

What is your favorite snack?: Peach Rings, Brightside Skittles.. Uhh. MY MOM’S CLAM DIP AND RUFFLES CHIPS? 

What is your favorite song?: Throne - BMTH or Mis//Understanding - We Came As Romans.

What is your favorite sport?: Swimming, Hockey, Volleyball and Fencing. 

What is your favorite time of the day?: Early afternoons or late nights. 

What is your favorite type of clothing?: Goth/Alt fashion. 

What is your favorite way to pass time?: Gaming or drawing. 

What is the name of your favorite restaurant?: Family Diner (It’s in my town. It’s really chill and laid back.)

What is your all-time favorite town or city? Why?: I really enjoyed Denver, CO. It was filled with really colorful, intriguing personalities. There was so much to explore, everyone was so open and sweet. 

What is your height?: ... 5′2″

What time period would you love to live in?: Viking Era. 

What did you do for fun as a child?: Drawing. 

Who was a role model in your life?: My dad! 

Did you have any childhood pets?: I grew up with 5 cats and 4 dogs! 

When you were young, what did you want to be?: A mortician. 

What family traditions were important to you?: I can’t even remember many.. I loved during gatherings how we’d play Spoons, wrestle, and be reckless though. 

What was your favorite childhood memory?: Ahah! Shenanigans with my “Twin” Kyle. 

What was your favorite childhood possession?: My Gameboy Color! 

What challenges did you experience when you were young?: Almost losing my mother, trying to speak English, being bullied heavily. 

What is a defining moment from your childhood?: My mother coming home from the hospital finally. 

What do you do for fun?: Play video games and draw. I’m pretty boring. 

What are your hobbies?: Drawing, Painting, Digital Art, Gaming, Dancing, Singing.

What is something that you’re really passionate about?: My art.

What is something you could spend hours doing?: Drawing

What is something you wish you did more often?: Draw. 

If you had to watch a documentary, what would you want it to be about?: Anything WW1/WW2 related or Forensics/Serial Killer related. 

What do you always have on in the background?: Lofi Hiphop or random videos on youtube that catch my eye. 

How do you feel about travel?: Fuck yeah, where are we going and for how long? 

What is a guilty pleasure you enjoy?: Fuckin’ watching Serial Killer documentaries. 

How have your interests changed over the years?: Nah, I’m still the same. I’m pretty bland. 

Which sibling are you closest to?: My sister, Erika! 

How close are you with your parents?: Close but not too close.

How has your relationship with your parents changed over the years?: For the worse.

What is one of the most important lessons that you learned from your family?: You cannot trust anyone. Not even your own family. 

When does your family cause you to stress?: All the damn time. All they need to do is send me a text and I immediately begin to dread. 

What does the word family mean to you?: Something that I never got to fully have but I experienced. It’s also something I can create on my own accord. 

When you envision your ideal family, what do you see?: Honestly me with my partner/partners, kids, animals, and friends. 

How vulnerable is your family with each other?: Everyone is always on guard and they’ll be mean if you even show some form of sensitivity. 

What is a family trait that isn’t necessarily the healthiest?: Being a snitch, gaslighting, gatekeeping, misogyny, yelling if you even show an inkling of emotion. I could go on. 

What relatives had the biggest impact on you growing up?: In a negative way, almost all of my family. The only two I really loved growing up were my dad and sister, Erika. 

What do you watch on television?: If it’s cable I go to MTV, Forensic Files, or Adult Swim/Anything with cartoons. 

What is one of your favorite movies?: To Hell And Back, Howl’s Moving Castle, Princess Mononoke, Dracula Untold (For some reason I just really like it, don’t judge). 

If you could have free tickets to any event, what would it be?: A BMTH concert PLEASE. Or anything that’s a EDM/Rave environment. ;_;

What is your favorite form of media?: Youtube tbh. 

What role does music play in your life?: A huge role, BMTH got me through a lot of hard times. 

What is one of your favorite books?: Corey Taylor’s Seven Deadly Sins. It’s a riot of a read and makes me laugh. 

How often do you watch sporting events?: Here and there, especially at bars if they have Hockey going. 

What would your ideal weekend getaway look like?: Road trip to Anchorage and staying at my mom’s cousin’s estate in the mountains. I only got to go there a few times and the view is absolutely captivating. You can see the waters, the city, all the lights.. fuck I’d love to draw that. 

Who are popular figures that you love to learn from?: Fuck if I know LOL. 

What celebrity/musician would you love to meet in real life?: Oliver Sykes and Maria Brink tbh.

If you wrote a memoir about your life, what would it be called?: “Well, That Happened.” A memoir of a dumb bitch LOL. 

What fictional world would you want to travel to for a day?: FUCK. I’d love to just be in a simulation like the girl in Porter Robinson’s music video of Shelter. Just being in a drawing simulation where I can run around and create anything and everything around me. But if we’re talking actual worlds.. I’d probably love to be in Avatar The Last Airbender’s world. I love that series so much. 

What room in your house most represents who you are as a person?: The Office. It’s got art supplies, our gaming PC, all of my schoolwork/homework, the drawing tablets.. 

How clean a person are you?: Tbh I am pretty clean, it’s just cleaning huge messes/unpacking that I hate. 

What is a pet peeve that you have?: STOP CHEWING WITH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH OPEN. 

What behavior do you do that is most likely a pet peeve to others?: Uhh. Idk. Nail biting? Loud laughter? forgetting to turn off lights? Idk. 

What phrase or word do you overuse when you talk?: “I’m so sorry” “I m a g i n e” 

If you could only eat at one restaurant for the rest of your life, what would it be?: Fuck. Hahaaaaa. I’d probably love to just sit and eat at the Family Diner. I love their Reubens. 

What is something about your personality that you like? Don’t like?: I like that people feel comfortable running to me when they need a friend. I don’t like a lot about me, though.

What would your friends be surprised to learn about you?: I am ambidextrous and I know German/Englisch and some French! I want to learn Norwegian even more and Gaelic! 

Where do you see yourself in a few years?: West coast where it’s rainy with those that I love, pursuing my career finally after all these years of hard work. 

Thanks for reading this if you finally made it to the end! If there’s other questions you want to ask, don’t hesitate! ^^ Hopefully you learned something about me! 

[adreamingofguns]

🔥🔥🔥 fandom/writing/dealer's choice

people are always like “things must be exact and perfect” when it comes to writing, but I’m of the mindset that as long as things are understandable, as in, comprehensible as speech, it is okay. I’ve fought several times abt this and abt death of the author w my english professor so like, oof. i get that grammar is important but also grammar is a racist/classist construct and should not matter as wholeheartedly as we make it matter, because as long as people are ***understandable***, what difference does it make if they use a period instead of a semi colon. what does it matter that their sentences are fragments!!

fuck you grammar is fake! it’s an invented concept! grammar is never gonna fuck you dude.

This also applies to the idea that capitalisation is necessary, because everything at the end comes down to aesthetics rather than necessity. What purpose does capitalisation serve? besides to denote proper nouns? nothing? the start of a sentence? no, thats what punctuation is for. punctuation serves a purpose, that is to say that is where one would pause to breathe if reading it aloud. though, one could, instead, use / the way poets do to denote a short or long pause. However my opinion entirely changes when it comes to fandom stuff, like rp or fanfiction, but also somehow stays the same in some aspects. Say you’re writing something and are not using proper punctuation or capitalisation. This is different because you are brought to a standard that everyone else is using. Capitalisation i’m not quite as stringent about because it’s an aesthetic choice and doesn’t ultimately mean anything, except for when using Proper Nouns, but even then, fuckin go hogwild capitalise Everything Important like a medieval saint. it’s when people don’t fucking know how to use a comma, and like i understand it is classist/racist to call it out, because i admit that some people have never learned where or when they’re supposed to put certain punctuation, but the thing is!

if you are posting things in a forum or area full of other people using proper grammar and capitalisation, learn a thing or two. this especially applies to on ao3 or in roleplay servers. if you’re surrounded by other people who are held to a higher standard, and whose standard is 100% obvious and visible, fucking cooperate with that standard my god. like, do you know how many people have learned english through the internet alone? If you were raised speaking and writing english, and have eyes to see, and are more than capable of seeing and replicating the grammar of other people around you who know what they’re doing, what is your excuse? This also applies especially to like, a specific server i am in where one of the people not only cannot hold themself to the standard of the rest of the server but this ineptitude was rewarded by them becoming admin. I’M SORRY, IF YOU CAN’T FUCKING USE PUNCTUATION THAT YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY DAILY IN THE SERVER why are you being given a role that requires you to be The Standard things are set to? I mean, i get why because favoritism but also this is an emotional why. Also fuck ellipses in writing. i HATE using ellipses except for in dialogue. Ellipses have 0 reason to be in narrative unless you’re fucking writing a comic book style shlock film, like something intentionally campy and cheesy. In dialogue it is okay, because it is to denote a long pause the way speech is irl, or like if it’s in someone’s internal monologue or pov. In writing narratively, though, just end it in a period and make a new paragraph holy fuck. you’re not aunt suzy talking about her day and ending things with an LOL just, stop. the sign of a bad writer is using ellipses during narrative unless they’re using it in one of the pre-explained ways. a set of ellipses denotes a specific feeling, a slow trailing off. you do not want that in a narrative unless it specifically fits the story and theme.

if it is omniscient third person narrative what are you doing don’t fucking use ellipses unless your narrator is, like, a movie trailer narrator or like, the genre is intended to be shlocky and hard to take seriously. if it’s limited third person, that’s a little better, especially if the person whose pov in question does the ellipses thing in their dialogue as well, because then it portrays their inner voice much more easily, but if it is someone who does not do these things why W H Y

but also having multiple characters have the exact same vocal patter and style is sloppy, unless there is a specific reason for it. but even then it is few and far between that there is a reason for that narrative and dialogue choice. plEASE please please please vary your characters’ voices in dialogue. if it sounds like it is all one person with the same vocal tics and mannerisms it’s BAD, harold. please for the love of jesus practice your characters’ dialogues. make them sound like real people, flesh them out (unless your genre and specific characterization calls for otherwise). ANOTHER BAD SIGN is first person narrative. that shit is trite and over-fucking-done if you want something like that to have emotional punch, use second person narrative or like, limited third person my fucking god. like, holy shit. if i see something in first person, i will 100% just shut down and not be able to read it. Especially if it’s fucking.. present tense first person, like I’m not doing these things in story, your experiences are not universal, karen. tl;dr - grammar is a myth, except for when being specifically requested and normalized in-group like in a forum or website specifically for Properly Written Grammatically Accurate pieces of writing. don’t be a shitty admin for a writing forum if you can’t fucking write. ellipses and first person pov are sloppy and boring. PLEASE practice writing the way real humans speak (unless intended to be otherwise by the narrative/characterization). oof this got long.

[kkaerst]

Quarantine Last Thoughts

So, quarantine is almost over around here! (not over, over, but i will b able to go out more)

Being honest, even though I didn´t planned this in my study abroad experience i think it made my experience different from what I expected.

Unfortunately for most of those who were expecting everyone in quarantine to develop calculus 2.0, i was not able to do so, but hey, i made a lot of progress on knowing who i am and what i like. From my constant mental breakdowns, my craving of somedays of overdosing myself with anxiety pills, and wanting to just run to the beach, it went pretty well. 

I discovered some funny stuff about me and how i have some habits that i tend to do more when I’m alone than when am with people, but yea, I’m loving it, I wasn’t alone during quarantine but I’ll explain that in a lil while.

So even tough i was expecting quarantine to be the most boring period in my life, things changed pretty lovely and drastically that i would say i had the time to discover myself in a pretty amazing way and define myself to know what i love and what is that future that I’m expecting to have, specially, since my head had been a mess for the last year or so, many overwhelming things happened that made me crazy, that’s why I literally decided to go abroad even though I was saving the opportunity for another time, I felt like destiny said, bitch, it is your time, leggo. And it was more than worth it.

Apart from my sentimentalist last paragraph I want to talk about some things that happen during this period that made me think like, hey, you made it through a lot of shit. 

First thing first, family, like omg, I never have been a pretty emotional person, I was more the independent one, but being apart from my family and seeing every each of them calling me and checking on me was like, oh my, i def couldn’t wish for a better fam, it make me felt kinda bad cuz I’ve never say i love you to them or smth like that when they call, cuz I felt like it is not the way to express it since i see them every day and those actions are way significant than telling I love you to them. But yea, i happen to discover how awesome is to see all my family reunited even though we are km away, at least for me, but yup, not to brag, but I never felt more companied by them.

Second, i happen to have one of the best companies for quarantine that I didn’t expect to; so, most of my friends went back to their home countries, and just a few of us are left. One guy that was part of my same group of friends, stayed, we never talked that much, and we happen to end up talking cuz we kissed the night b4 quarantine started. He is a pretty nice guy, and i cannot deny it, since we meet i though he was kinda handsome so my head kinda blow up when we kissed, but aaaanyways, that are just some details. After the first two or three weeks of quarantine their two roomies when back to their home countries, and he reached to me *to meeeeee* to ask if i wanted to spend quarantine with him, and ofc, my qtie girly side said yaaas, so uhm we almost lived together by a month by know. 

So at the beginning we almost never talked, he is kinda quiet tho, and also cultural differences, sometimes strikes hard, but i would say by know I made a new friend, *even though my horny ass wanted like sex 24/7, still, we had sex* we cooked together, watch movies at night, drink and talk till late night. Absolutely loved it. Sad part, am not that talkative either and also well, i think if i had the opportunity I could have made this month like ultra-romantic if i had the initiative, it is said that things happen in a way or another because of something and by now i wouldn’t change anything from this month. 

So yep, even though you * D. * would never see these, thanks for being the best quarantine mate and allowing me to get to know you, and ofc, thanks for taking the time to know me.

Third and last, to my dear me that prob read this in one year or maybe more, you fuckin made it, like dude, look where you at by know, I hope that by the time you read this you have a lot of memories of this quarantine and also your abroad period, do you still in touch with your friends? how was seeing your friends graduating from college? how is all of your loving yourself thing going? did we made any progress? pretty sure we did. 

To sum up, quarantine was that period of calm and to relax my mind from the daily life stress, to know what i can make and also know my capabilities, I’m pretty sure by know I could say I’m going to make a lot of positive changes in my life *that includes making my journal by hand* and keep discovering myself. Making progress doesn’t mean exactly converting multitask machine but making changes that make you healthy and happy it is just something awesome. 

I would mark April 30 to make another long ass post like this and to know how I’ve been doing. (specially I wanna see progress in me making this post in another language, even though my native language is not English lmao, also see how my dieting and exercise is going, and specially where tf am I going to be in a year exactly, and ofc if I achieved that small goals that i tried to progress from a year or so) .

I absolutely wanna make changes in my life, and if this was the reason to start them i absolutely welcome them in my life. 

Disclaimer: I’ve suffered from depression (dysthymia to be more exact) and anxiety during the last years * 5 or 6 by now * and I would say I’m finally seeing the light, and it is more than beautiful.

[ineedrelationshipadvice]

The current situation in which we live and my recent 30th birthday have really got me thinking that I need a long term partner ASAP; that everyday that goes by without someone hurts and the more I wait to find someone the less my chances I actually do find someone. What are some tips to date with purpose and motivation? I don't want to fall short and end up still single and unloved in ten years.

High five on growing older. You and I are around the same age. So understand that when I say this, I do feel you. Although I do have a long-term relationship right now, I didn't for nearly 6+ years before that, both because of horrific luck and just bad juju all around.

What I can say quite directly is that you should not try to worry as much as you are. While it's valid to have these concerns, you don't want to get yourself all wound up because of it. Are we getting older? Yes. But reasonably, we've barely lived over a third of our lives. That might feel long, but it also felt long when we were just learning of the concept of love for the first time approximately around the ages of 8-12, and when we were entering our first relationship approximately around the ages of 14-20, and so forth. It always feels like we're running out of time, but it's all a matter of perspective. Don't freak out about the details; it'll be okay. There's plenty of time to find a romantic partner, and you'll likely be engaging with people in romantic ways not only through the next decade, but perhaps even much longer, especially if you enter a long-term romantic relationship.

But to the heart of the question, how do you date with purpose and motivation?

The motivation I can outright not help you with. That's a thing on your end. Only you can motivate yourself to go out in to that wide ocean to find the plenty of fish everyone claims are out there. It's not always fun, and it's not always glamorous, but just remember that if you don't put yourself out there, you won't catch that fish you're searching for.

On dating with purpose, however, that is much easier. Dating with purpose requires you to take a distinct mental outlook on the manner in which you date. That's a fancy way of saying, "Only date people who are worth your time." Lots of people tend to date whatever their heart desires. And I'm gonna be honest - you can see this by looking back at a whole segment of the last several dozen questions I answered - not everyone's "heart" guides them to the right destination. Lots of people spend a majority of their romantic years falling in love and getting burned. Why?

Because again, we're trying to date with purpose. If our purpose is to find a stable, long-term relationship, then that means some things are not dating with purpose. Having a sexy hook-up with someone hot on a whim is awesome, but that's not dating with purpose. Dating a guy because he seemed super cute or attractive is fun, but not dating with purpose. Breaking up because things are getting dull or "boring" is not dating with purpose.

So how do you date with purpose?

You need to fully adopt that actual purpose that you have. If your goal is a long-term, stable relationship, then you need to look for those qualities right away. Figure out what those qualities are, and single them out in the people that you meet. For me, as an example: I seek partners who are outgoing, generally mature, have objectives/goals, who treat me generally well, share a majority of interests with me, and who are consistent in one way or another. I don't have time for sketchy or unstable people; I don't have time for people who are only interested in sex; I don't have time for people who are interested in partying or clubbing; I don't have time for people who are going to treat me like shit; I don't have time for people who aren't going to fulfill my needs.

My viewpoint means I'm very strict. It means I don't date a lot of people, and don't have a whole lot of varied romantic experiences. But I make up from that by having VERY long-term relationships. This is good, because I'm what most people would call demisexual (even though I don't identify by that, and don't care for the term). I am usually not attracted to someone unless I have a ton of emotional investment and trust in them, so I'm not going to date someone until they hit that threshold. That's a general benefit of me being who I am, but you see that that viewpoint is couched in a strict logic that I apply on who I'm looking for in a relationship. If someone doesn't meet my expectations, they're out by default as a romantic partner. This limits your dating pool dramatically, but that's good, because you don't NEED those people who aren't going to stick around.

Some additional concerns though.

Let me be clear, stable relationships are NOT popular right now. As much as people yearn for that picture-perfect relationship, having been on the front lines of literally thousands of people coming to me with their advice questions, the one thing I've noticed in recent history is that relationships are becoming LESS long-term. Most people are more interested in casual hook-ups and sex, and more people have more partners (especially within our age-bracket (I can't really have firm opinions on Gen-Z dating habits)). Furthermore, when people do enter relationships, ideals such as marriage, having children, and stuff like that are much less common, both among millennials and Gen-Z. Why? Idk, maybe a fuckin' Great Recession followed by a global pandemic kicking our teeth out, and a shitty capitalist society which does not benefit us (sorry I'm ranting (RIP Bernie)).

The reason this is relevant is because it means people who are seeking long-term relationships are entering an uphill battle. We're working against generational ideals on what relationships should be, as well as the very idea of what a relationship is changing as we speak. Maybe that'll change even more in the next decade, but I have a hunch that we're going to be in a period of hyper-emotional, extremely transitory relationships for a very long time. So just know that approaching this endeavour; don't lose hope if it seems like the world is working against your idea of a great, long-term relationship, because it is.

Finally, understand that there is a big risk in long-term relationships. The one that you're already feeling. Long-term, good, proper relationships take a LOT of time. I'm currently in a two-year relationship with my partner, and if you asked if I was ready to seal the deal, get married, and have kids, NO NO NO NO NO NO. I don't even have a job and have a mountain of debt, I can barely take care of myself much less someone else. As much as I yearn to get married and start a family, I'm just not ready.

And that's Okay, I still have lots of time, as do you. Which is the final step in all of this. Patience. Relationships and love aren't a science. All you can do is your best, and hope things work out, and also be cognizant of when it's not working out so you can jump ship early and with good intentions rather than on whims. All we can do is hope it'll all work out in the end, and combine our good faith with good actions.

[nulfaga]

DUNIA

BABIEST GIRL IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT HER.......

find the ask meme here, & my oc page here!

Something really awesome they can do

dunia is fully ambidextrous like some leo da vinci shit where she can be taking notes on the healing properties of local florakjdfsjhfdkj with one hand and drawing a botanical diagram with the other she has this INCREDIBLE mind that she ONLY applies to boring esoteric scholarly shit :’)

A person, creature, or thing they adore

she doesn’t have many close attachments for most of her adult life (due to being like a....well her personality is an acquired taste...like salted licorice...or turpentine).......but something interesting happens when she meets mercedes—dunia comes from a poor family living in the east of gransys (her father was cassardi) but so she has never had a formal education or attended finishing school or anything like that so....ok how do i put this

dunia is kind of like, she pretends to be soft/absentminded/airy but shes actually hard as nails.....mercedes sees that core in her and is drawn to it cause its like, how she wants to be inside....but then past that inital meeting she finds out dunia is actually a very weird scruffy little person who is vaguely unpleasant to be around so she loses interest......but THEN phase 3 is they end up chatting in the duke’s court and despite all the other shit, all the appearances and education and outside pressures....like they just vibe? like they have the same sense of humor? (dunia’s humor is SO DRY she’ll say something INSANE without any change in her monotone and play it off like nothing happened and usually no one picks up on it but mercedes always laughs her ass off)...idk yeah long story short she loves mercedes a lot i’ll get into it

A secret they’re hiding

no real secrets...she doesnt hide anything about herself she just presents herself in such a supremely specific way that 90% of people who meet her (especially men) are just like. ok boring bye. but if u are willing to put up with her for any period of time....still waters run deep right??

OH if the devs had done more w/ the elves in dd then i’d have liked for her to have some backstory abt that like idk shes looking into the Mysterious Extinction Of The Elves or fuckin search me but that might have been cool.....might still do something like that but i just like the Pointy Eare so i dont necessarily need to go deeper than that 4 myself

Something they truly fear

her own emotions honestly. she feels SO strongly, somewhere, but she’s wrapped up in so many layers of self-denial and alienation and she grew up mostly only being able to understand herself & the world thru literature, most of it academic, so she has no idea how to engage with the process of knowing herself or knowing other people. so when she feels something and it HURTS and its SCARY shes like “oh better write a research paper about this so i can pretend im not part of it”. it was like that with her loving mercedes

A fond memory of theirs

mercedes asked dunia to help her w/ sparring at a certain point and that was like...weird for a sec bc dunia is fucking vicious with a blade and normally only spars w/ her pawn galatea (who conveniently can’t die in case dunia goes overboard)....so she suddenly had to be VERY careful....they used wooden swords at first....but it was just a weird experience for her also cause like on the way to the training grounds she would point out things about the local wildlife and mercedes would like...show interest? & ask questions? Which is like what the fuck cs dunia is used to just thinking out loud & not engaging with ppl but someone is engaging her and its like WHAT....but its like a good what

A place or item which gives them strong feelings

little spectacles...they were made by hand by her father (an old elf....a distant man who loved her in his own way but like....look how she turned out u know he was one of Those Dads) & she’s had them for most of her life....she keeps them in excellent shape but they get crushed in the fight with the dragon :’(

A dream or ambition for the future

honestly without all of the arisen stuff happening she would have probably just wandered gransys (& the other demesnes) and learned the languages and written about all the peoples & plants & animals everywhere until she took all her piles of papers and got a little apartment somewhere & reread them til she died...which would have been fine. but now she has like... obligations & a position at court and potentially becomes the god of everything which is kind of a thing...so with all of that i think shed have liked to become the duke of gransys and pass boring yet beneficial legislation and for mercedes to be her general :x

An angsty fact about them

literally everything that happens to the arisen in canon is angst enough :(.

A domestic fact about them

she keeps things very clean at home....if u live with her every room in the house will be spotless except her study which will contain more paper than u have ever seen in ur life, none of it filed or marked in any way, and yet if u asked her to find her journal entry from the summer solstice 15 years ago she would have it for u in 3 seconds. shes the only person on earth that says “i have a system” and actually has one. her system is being smart and having an enormous brain

A random other fact

idk im trying to beam the IMAGE of dunia into your mind without writing a 100k fic cause i dont have the time im trying to put it like...

cause she’s such a weird little spectacle wearing little dusty little individual who always talks out loud like she’s only talking for herself (like if uve ever seen tolkien in interviews? that. like he can make perfect sense of what he’s saying but he goes so quickly and gives no context, it’s like he’s just bouncing thoughts off the outside world....thats dunia) but shes also a VERY competent fighter and can be RUTHLESS & FRIGHTENING but

its not like shes a throat-clearing little old man in the body of a 30yo lesbian elf 90% of the time and then sometimes the SeCreT DuNiA dArK sIdE comes out its like...those two aspects are both part of her personality and inform each other. thats a thing that i want to communicate. she will cut a man’s throat & the whole time be droning or muttering to herself about how the anatomical works of jacques le ballsacque could have influenced the oeuvre of milton fumperdickles shes been reading and ghjfkfnfnkfnjjddd its the same dunia

(ALSO she killed the daylights out of julien and then pointedly did not use any of her 17 wakestones to revive him. fuck that guy)

[swanwinged-princess]

The Hunchback of Notre Dame owo

@wouldhope// Disney Headcanon Meme

The Hunchback of Notre Dame - What is your muse’s religious beliefs? Have they ever experienced oppression at the hands of religion?

//Ok well FIRST of all

//And also this is;;; probably gonna be long;;; made twice as long because i’m gonna do one for standard!tutu (the one where she’s basically swan jesus) and one for verses/aus where she’s… at least a LITTLE bit more normal (see: her dad’s not a LITERAL DEITY)

I’m actually gonna start off with the latter here bc i think the former is probably gonna be longer anyway SO

(continues under cut)

In verses/aus where Tutu’s father isn’t a literal, actual spirit/deity/entity/god/what-have-ye (BNHA/affiliated spinoffs; duckverse/anthro/etc.; wizarding world; etc.):

She is… SOMEWHAT religious; definitely not overly so (see: not an asshole about it) but believes in angels/miracles/god/heaven and-or the afterlife. Definitely christianity-adjacent but not any particular type of christianity; possibly believes in hell/purgatory/some sort of punishment system after death but doesn’t really like to think about it, and her qualifications for GETTING there are stuff like, say, ‘committing many horrible murders’ or ‘being an unapologetic bigot’ as opposed to ‘not believing in jesus’ or ‘enjoying having sex’ or whatever.

 She doesn’t really even, say, go to church regularly (she’s heckin BUSY come on), but does enjoy being IN church, especially alone; it’s like a bit of a meditation for her/helps her clear her head and feel closer to god/spirituality/the universe/heaven/her mom.

She also prays pretty much every day- specifically once in the morning and at night- but also prays informally whenever she feels the need, and probably wouldn’t own much religious iconography besides maybe a few cross necklaces– you know, small, tasteful, very expensive; delicate, real silver or gold, maybe a single pearl right in the middle of the cross but that’s about it.

Whereas on the OTHER hand

//HOO BOY//

In main verse and associated, she’s… um.

Ok, so the Swan King may not technically be an actual GOD per se, but, well… He’s close. And people DO worship him. Not as many as there used to be, but they’re still there, and generally speaking basically everybody in the kingdom and round abouts that area observe it (swanianism or something idk) at least casually, by at least saying ‘swansdown’ and ‘swanfeathers’ and ‘by the swan’ instead of, for example, ‘oh my god’. 

There’s, like, one official church, with stained glass and pews and everything, where all the high-class weddings and funerals and etc. get held there, but there aren’t really any ‘priests’ and they don’t really hold services. 

There are lots and lots of old swan statues all over the area from centuries back, and while some of them got moved onto the tops of buildings/in fountains/ended up centers of various village squares, a lot of them had sort of… had temples built around them over the years- it just sorta happened- and that’s mainly where the average people observe their worship. 

Also, the Schwanensee royal family featured pretty largely in the theology, being sort of… the same thing as saints in Catholicism; whenever anybody was born/died on the sacred island a messenger dove got sent over to the mainland and there was an announcement made about it to the village. The sacred island/lake wasn’t really thought of as a real place- it was more like if you could see heaven a little bit from a high window, or if you climbed a really tall tree.

So when the island was basically burned to the ground and almost all the royal family was killed, it was… um….. 

Kind of a big fuckin’ deal.

When Tutu was rescued from the ruins, and everybody saw her, and everybody knew who she was, it was an even bigger deal. Everybody, in unison, basically decided that this tiny, traumatized, soot-covered, gray-feathered 6-year-old was the chosen one who was going to save them from everything from minor disagreements to, y’know, being ripped apart alive/having your heart and emotions pulled out and eaten by flocks of devil birds. 

People even started… worshipping her.

After the initial adjustment period, she actually handled it pretty well; at least externally. Of course, anyone who knows anything about actually being royalty knows that the whole trick is to be royal on the outside and a cobbled-together mess sustained by stress like that physics thing where you hold up a legless table by strings and the buckets of water on it, but as she got older she actually managed to get more of a handle on it. 

All in all, she’s… 

I mean, she’s more or less got it. Apart from sudden attacks of crippling, soul-crushing anxiety. But she really, really, really wishes that people would stop, or at least give the whole actually worshipping her a rest a little. Generally speaking, everybody in the kingdom (or at least in the castle village) does genuinely like her, but sometimes she gets people who want to, like, kneel at her, or try to touch her dress/feathers as she walks past, and when she tries to talk to them they start flinching away and holding up their little carved swan amulet necklaces like they think it’ll protect them and she’s just like dad dammit i am trying to be friendly do i have to say ‘be not afraid’ or something every time i go up to introduce myself to someone???

But yeah, generally speaking it’s not really a problem from the swan-leaning side. Where it starts going wrong is the raven-leaning side.

The swan-leaning people are all in all, y’know, normal fucking people, and their religion-worship-belief-etc. only ever gets to obnoxious-christianity levels. 

But the raven-leaning people can generally be qualified altogether as a crazy ransacking-and-pillaging murder cult.

 And they actually have backup from real, actual infernal blood magic demon stuff, a seemingly infinite supply of flocks of murderbirds and various and sundry quirky miniboss squad-types, whereas the normal people really only have Tutu and, allegedly, the faerie folk (those affiliated with the Lilac Fairy/Queen, at least) but they haven’t been seen in generations so it’s really anyone’s guess on that. 

They do a lot of, you know, general murder and mayhem- or at least they did, but the last really big thing they managed to pull off was the massacre on the sacred island, and technically speaking they actually failed to complete their objective because Queen Leda put Tutu to sleep with some ~magic~ and hid her in the hollow base of a swan statue in the middle of a rose thicket, which, by some sort of ‘coincidence’, didn’t seem to catch fire very much, and they were all too drunk on moonshine and bloodlust, and generally crazy and stupid, to actually look further for any survivors when everything was on fire and there were crows everywhere and they just sort of decided ‘yeah that’s it let’s go home’ and fucked off. 

At the current time, most of them aren’t actually too much of a threat because most of them are the stupid crazy ~3edgy5me~ idiot types– y’know, the kind who’d, say, march around waving factory-produced tiki torches at night and demand a police escort if they’re gonna be shouting in the general vicinity of a pride event because they’re ‘fearful of their safety :’(’ 

so, like, nowadays they’re really only like Team Rocket-level nuisances on a day-to-day basis because the kingdom had learned from their history and swore in a lot more ‘guards’ and ‘knights’- enough to mostly keep the peace in pretty much every town unless things get really, really bad. 

Uuuunfortunately, it’s not just idiots who want to wear black cloaks with pointy hoods to look like beaks and wave big curved swords around– i mean, it’s MOSTLY that, but also a lot of very smart, very greedy, bored, evil, and/or scheming people end up gravitating towards anything that’ll give them a lot of dumb people who they can tell what to do. 

So occasionally- very occasionally- they actually do something that’s… actually impactful, and everybody who gets out of it in one piece talks about how fucked up that was and ‘curse those raven bastards’ and etc. etc., but the crowmen (as they’re informally known) are also surprisingly good at apparently vanishing without a trace so it’s hard to catch them or do anything really constructive about the problem as a whole. 

Weeellllll, okay, ADMITTEDLY a few various gangs of them HAVE managed, by coincidence or the type of brief narrative luck that dumb people like that seem to have sometimes, to briefly kidnap Tutu, but she either gets rescued very quickly OR escapes by herself while they’re arguing with each other about HOW to kill her, WHETHER to kill her, and what the prospects of killing her now or maybe ransoming her and then killing her LATER would be, or they all sort of trip over their own and each other’s feet, cloaks, and swords and blunder their way into harmlessness in one way or another. 

TL;DR Tutu sort of... IS a part of her religion like how Jesus is a part of Christianity/associates and all things considered she’s handling it pretty well. Her entire family was murdered by basically a crazy satanic cult who still run around causing problems, but not as much as they used to, so.... Does that count as religious oppression???