#i get she was grieving too but there was no excuse for her behaviour

[apostate-in-an-alcove]

My grandfather has been deceased for about four years now and I still can't look at photographs of him without getting upset. Funny how grief works.

[hgfictionwriter]

Gravity - Part Two

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: Jessie learns you're engaged. The lies you've been living implode on you both. It's now or never.

Warning: Smut. Dry humping Simulated intercourse, eventual intercourse, possessive sex, cheating, language.

A/N: Angst with a happy ending. Final part of the series. Part One is here. Jessie and Reader's behaviour in this is not healthy lol but I love the drama haha.

Jessie stared at the screen in her hands and felt numb. She couldn't feel her body and her mind was vacant as she sat there motionless. Her eyes remained fixated on the shine from the newly placed ring on your finger.

Someone else's ring. Not hers.

Jessie had no sense of time, unaware of how long she stared until she managed to click on the comments.

Congratulations!!

So excited for you two!

About time!

Can't wait for my invite!

She swallowed and tried valiantly to ignore the stinging sensation that was building behind her eyes. Her grip on her phone tightened. She didn't notice her knuckles growing white.

This couldn't be real. It just couldn't be. You wouldn't get engaged. Not to someone who wasn't her.

Her breathing began to grow shallow and quick and she ground her teeth together hard. She tore her eyes away from her phone and stared hard at the wall as a cacophony of thoughts and feelings began to churn.

How could you? Was she crazy? All these years, these secret rendezvouses, passion-filled sex with proclamations of love every time. She would've swore you were making love - reconnecting and cherishing each other, small moments of reprieve as you held each other between the droughts of separation. She would've gone to her grave believing that your eyes were filled with love for her.

Maybe she'd been lying to herself this whole time.

Maybe she was just a fool.

A wave of anger and devastation went through her and her shoulders shook as she choked back a sob. She sniffled, making the mistake of letting her gaze fall back down to her phone and the image of you and your girlfriend - wrong - fiancée. Another strangled cry formed in her throat before she angrily forced it down.

She really thought you'd wait for her. At least some deep-seated part of her did; that you were just killing time with these girls. A distraction while she was away. That's all her girls ever were. They were never meant to replace you; simply pass the time and give some semblance of normalcy every so often.

Anytime anyone got too close, she'd use her career and her schedule as an excuse to not go deeper. In her mind, she really saw herself coming home to you at the end of it all.

Tears fell onto her screen, distorting the image of you. She screwed her eyes shut.

She didn't understand. If you didn't feel the same way, then why did you come back to her every time she was in town? Why would you jeopardize your relationship? It didn't make sense.

Maybe it really was just fucking. At least for you.

She sniffled, again clenching her jaw as she tried to keep the full weight of her emotions at bay. She exhaled shakily as she started a comment on her phone.

Congratulations

No. She could hear the bitterness.

Congrats

No. Even worse.

Eventually, she settled for a heart emoji. She hoped you knew it should've been the opposite.

And, maybe she was a sucker for punishment.

Jessie clicked off her phone. Full sobs finally wracked her body as she tried to process. Maybe even grieve.

--------

The months passed and the news of your engagement was still a dull ache in the depths of Jessie's chest.

You'd texted her along the way and she left you on read. Something she'd never done. Jessie felt an overwhelming sense of disappointment and dejection at how much effort it took to do it. It should be easy to cut you off completely.

You'd texted again a week later to ask how she was. Jessie chose to lean into the anger she felt and ignored you once more.

You followed up again.

Please don't do this.

Jessie felt an insidious sense of vindication at how you chased her. As superficially fulfilling as it was, she didn't like this side of herself.

One night Jessie was at home relaxing after a hard day of training. She should be sleeping, but truth be told, she hadn't really slept well in months.

She didn't like lying awake in bed, so she'd gotten up and was instead immersed in her book on the couch. She was about to flip the page when her phone began to ring. She frowned and glanced over at it.

She froze momentarily when she saw your name on the screen. She subconsciously reached out, her hand hovering over the phone before she managed to pull back. She huffed in irritation before resettling herself on the couch and determinedly returned to her book until the buzzing of her phone stopped.

A mixture of relief and loss went through her when silence filled the room once more. She clenched her jaw as she tried to center herself.

You never called. And especially not at this hour. Her latent anger was briefly replaced by worry. Were you okay?

Before she could spiral too much her phone lit up again with your name.

Jessie studied the device wordlessly as your name was displayed insistently. She swallowed and her hand shot out sharply to pick up the phone. She was going to regret this.

"What."

"Jessie." If you were bothered by her antagonistic greeting, you didn't show it. Her name came through with a blend of relief and emotion.

"What." Jessie's response was harsher this time.

"You haven't talked to me." Your voice was small and Jessie frowned. It wasn't like you. Yet, she let out an abrasive scoff.

"Yeah? So what."

"I can't stand it," you said, a waver in your voice.

Her features screwed up in anger and she shut her book with a slam, abruptly pulling herself up to sit on the edge of the couch cushion. She shouldn't engage, but all of the pent up feelings she'd worked tirelessly to dampen came boiling up.

"Well maybe you should've thought of that before," she said venomously. You didn't reply right away and Jessie swore she heard you sniffle. It put a chink in her resolve. A deep frown lingered on her face, but her posture softened just so. "Why are you calling."

"I need to see you," you said, finding your voice again.

Jessie shook her head in confusion. "What the heck are you talking about."

"Can we talk? Can I come up?" You pleaded. Again, Jessie's face screwed up in confusion.

Jessie clicked her tongue in irritation. “Even if I was willing - how would you propose that, hm?”

"You didn't hear?" You asked. "I'm in town."

Jessie was beyond baffled now. You answered her question before she could ask.

"I planned for my bachelorette to be here," you went on quietly. Emotions flared up inside of Jessie again.

"Well that's a fucking coincidence," she said snarkily.

"It's not." You undermined her sarcasm without hesitation. She swallowed again and closed her eyes.

"So. Wait. Where are you?"

"Outside your apartment," you said quietly again. A beat passed. "I got your address from Teagan."

Jessie didn't know what to feel. She was outraged, but it was dampened by something else. She was so overwhelmed right now she couldn't discern how to react.

She raked her fingers over her face tiredly. “Your fucking bachelorette,” she muttered in a mixture of bitterness and disbelief. She took a sharp breath and continued.

"And where are you friends? They just let you leave your own bachelorette?" She questioned curtly.

"[Y/best friend] knows where I am." You replied. Jessie knew her - she’d been your best friend for years, meaning Jess had been friends with her at some point, too. "She's covering for me."

"Oh for fuck's sake," Jessie said as she let herself fall back against the couch and held a hand wearily to her face once more. This was insane.

"Jessie. Please let me in."

A whining grumble emerged from Jessie's throat and she inadvertently dug her fingers into her face before growling and standing up like a shot off the couch.

"Fuck," breathed harshly. "Jesus. Fine. I'll buzz you in."

A short while later, Jessie paced the entrance of her apartment back and forth as she waited for you to come up. She cursed herself and cursed you, but she also couldn't ignore the way her heart raced and something akin to anticipation filled her.

Her eyes flit to the door as a light knock came through. She stood motionless for several seconds before she cleared her throat and walked over. She took a deep breath before placing her hand on the door knob and turning it.

She clenched her jaw unknowingly as her eyes fell upon you standing before her. You were in a dress and your hair and makeup was done up, but it still didn't hide the subtle bags under your eyes. Seems like you hadn’t been sleeping well either.

You held Jessie's gaze wordlessly, silently seeking her permission to come inside.

She eventually cleared her throat once more and stepped aside to make way for you. You flinched slightly as Jessie shut the door behind you harder than necessary. When you turned back to face her, she was standing there arms crossed and feet planted, a stern look on her face.

"Well. You're here. What do you want." Her voice was anything but inviting and a far cry from the tone you were so accustomed to with her.

“I needed to see you,” you repeated. Jessie narrowed her eyes.

“Why?” She exhaled, her voice growing cold. “We have nothing to do with one another anymore.”

Your gaze dropped immediately and Jessie saw your jaw tighten. You eventually met her piercing gaze once more.

“I-I don’t think I can stand that. I thought I could. But…I can’t.”

Jessie tossed her hands up in frustration. She was normally pretty composed during confrontations off the pitch, but you had her feeling out of control.

“What do you want me to say to that?" She laughed incredulously. "That we can keep fucking a few times a year, texting in between and everything can stay the same?” She paused briefly, fighting off a sudden pricking sensation behind her eyes. She took a breath. “Now that I know how you actually feel, there’s no way.”

“No, Jess-” You took a step forward, causing her to take a quick step back. You stilled. “Jess. I know how it seems. I never lied to you. I just…,” you trailed off.

“Just what?” Jessie cut in acidicly after you took too long to find your words. “And you did fucking lie. Because if you love someone you don’t go off and marry someone else.”

You gave her a hard look and spoke evenly.

“Honestly? I didn’t think you’d care.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jessie seethed.

“What exactly did you expect?” So far Jessie had been the only indignant one, but her accusation sparked a fire in you. “You’re off playing all over the world and I get your scraps whenever you happen to be around. You fuck me and then off you go again until the next time you hit me up.”

Your declaration silenced Jessie momentarily. She hadn't necessarily viewed things like that. And she certainly didn't think that was your perspective.

“I told you I love you.” Jessie’s voice strained as she took a step toward you. You remained rooted to your spot. “I tell you every time. I tell you I won’t play forever.”

You let your hands fall away from you listlessly. “And what was I to do with that?” You asked, your voice tense. You saw the expression on Jessie’s face and you clarified. “That you won’t play forever. That’s no guarantee of anything. Loving someone doesn't equal building a life with them.”

Jessie ran both hands through her hair, digging her fingers into her scalp painfully as she did so. She inhaled a shaky breath and did her best to speak calmly.

“I told you I love you. What do you think that means? You think I say that to anyone else?” Her defense brought up the reality of your situation and her anger returned. “No. That’s what you do. But not me.”

The hurt she felt began to boil over and she lashed out further.

“You were almost always seeing someone else. And I wasn’t going to ask you to wait until I was done. I’m not that selfish.” She paused, swallowing the emotions as best she could. “I thought.” She had to stop, dropping her gaze briefly as she reset. “I tried my best to not let it get to me, you seeing other girls - and I know I saw other people too - but I thought when everything was said and done…,” she trailed off as a lump formed in her throat. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter anyway.”

Jessie turned on her heel and walked over to the couch and sat down heavily. She leaned back and crossed one arm over her chest and brought the other up as she mindlessly chewed at the skin of her thumb.

You didn’t move right away, contemplating what to do next. You watched Jessie who determinedly stared at the wall; you decided to step tentatively into the room. Jessie’s eyes flicked over to you momentarily before pointedly returning to the wall.

“Why didn’t you just tell me you wanted this,” you asked as you gestured between you and her. You suddenly felt worn out and weary. “Us.”

Jessie’s eyes snapped towards you and her tone was sharp. “I wouldn't ask you to put your life on hold. And you chose not to come with me to London. Why would I ask you to wait?”

“But you wanted me to.”

Jessie sat up, her lips drawn tight in frustration. “Well you clearly didn’t want the same,” she said with a meaningful glance to the ring on your hand. She sat back heavily once more. “So I’m glad I never asked.”

“Jessie. I came here tonight because I do want you,” you countered, your voice taut. “The closer I get to the wedding…,” you trailed off, your gaze falling to your feet as you swallowed the discomfort you felt. You felt Jessie’s eyes on you. You blinked back the start of tears and forced yourself to look at her. “The closer I get,” you started anew, voice stronger this time, “the more I realize I’m making a mistake.”

Jessie held your gaze, her jaw set. She eventually exhaled and looked away.

"You're drunk," Jessie said, her voice low.

"Hardly," you said. “My feelings for you are present all the time. The more I drink, the harder they are to hide. That’s all."

Jessie bristled and shot you a look before saying dryly. "Lucky me." She frowned, frustration anew. "And lucky for your fiancée. What a fucking joke." You heard the break in her voice. She turned her head away from you.

You sniffled, subconsciously picking at the fabric of your dress as you watched her. It broke your heart to see how you’d turned this kind, sweet woman into a shell of herself, now protecting what was left with acidic remarks and seething anger.

“I came here because I needed to know if you felt the same. Really felt the same.”

This time, when Jessie’s head snapped back towards you, her eyes were brimming with tears.

“I begged you to come with me to London. I’ve barely dated anyone, but those I did never stood a chance. I was always too preoccupied. And I don’t just mean soccer.” She blinked back her tears and ground her teeth. “I’ve always loved you. I still do. Whether you’d come with me to London or we did long distance or whatever - I felt like no matter what, you’d be my wife one day.”

Finally, a couple of tears started to fall and when Jessie spoke her voice trembled. “And it’s fucking devastating waking up every day knowing you’re going to marry someone else.”

You crossed the room to her on instinct alone and she stood as you approached. You stopped shortly in front of her and you held each other’s gaze wordlessly. Her shoulders rose and fell with deep breaths as she tried to not fall apart.

“I still believe I shouldn’t have come with you to London.” Your gaze was unwavering and you saw how the set of her jaw tensed further at your proclamation. “But I think we should’ve tried. It wouldn’t have been easy to be apart, but it would’ve been better than pretending that we didn’t need each other.”

Now tears began to form behind your eyes. When you spoke your voice was thick with emotion.

“I missed you so much. All the time. I felt numb without you. But I really couldn’t believe you’d ever truly come back for me. How could you? After all you’ve achieved and the amazing journeys you’ve been on, why would you choose me in the end?” You let out a shuddering breath. “At some point I think I felt like I needed to move on - as best I could anyway. Stop waiting around for someone who was never coming home.”

Jessie’s lip trembled as she held your gaze. “I would always choose you. You should know that.”

“But I didn’t,” you returned, your voice tight. “I’m sorry.”

You brought your hand up and gently cupped her cheek. She winced initially, her features screwing up in emotion before she subtly leaned into your touch.

“Truth is. I’m lost without you, Jessie.”

When her eyes opened, they were glistening with tears and she looked so sad.

“I’m sorry it’s ever felt like I was using you or I didn’t care.” Her voice was taut and she frowned as she worked to hold back her emotions. “Because, truth is, even after all these years, being with you feels like home.”

Hearing her words sent a wave of emotions through you and you closed your eyes and leaned forward to kiss her. She passively accepted your kiss.

You pulled back momentarily to look at her. Her eyes fluttered open to meet yours. They were truly the most beautiful eyes you’d ever seen. You leaned in and kissed her once more. This time she returned it.

Your kiss deepened over several moments before you broke away long enough to gently push her down onto the couch. She looked up at you, not breaking eye contact as you hiked up your dress enough to straddle her lap. She swallowed but her hands came up to rest on your hips over the fabric. You leaned down and captured her lips in another kiss.

You subtly began rocking your hips against her and her fingers dug into you. She kissed you a while longer before pulling back.

“You’re engaged.”

You brought your hands up to clasp behind her neck, your thumbs rubbing up and down the taut muscles there.

“I know.” Your eyes remained locked on each other. “It should be to you.”

Her mouth fell open subtly and her breathing deepened. Her gaze was fixed on you.

“I know.” Her tone was almost stern before softening. “It could be.”

You leaned in and kissed her hard. She met you, returning the kiss greedily. She gripped your hips and began helping you rock against her before she stopped abruptly, moving her hands down your dress to rest on your legs.

“You’re still engaged,” she repeated. “It’s different than before. We shouldn’t…”

Despite her words, her fingers were kneading into the muscles of your legs and she still kissed you eagerly. Morally - yes, you should stop. But, as always, this was Jess.

You placed your hands on her shoulders and shifted yourself so you were straddling a single leg of hers. You moved a bit further down her leg and rolled your hips against her, your core rubbing against her muscular leg. Even though you still had your panties on, the friction sent irresistible waves through your body and left you wanting more.

Jessie could easily feel your heat through the thin fabric of her pants and it sent goosebumps all over her. She dug her fingers into your legs through your dress.

“Y/N…” Your name came out both pleading and as a warning. She tried to ignore how she instinctively flexed her leg against you. Your grip tightened on her and soon you were whispering in her ear.

“Do you know how many times I’ve touched myself while I think of you?” Your hot breath in her ear sent shivers down her spine.

“How many times you’ve made me cum without ever actually touching me?”

A small groan worked its way up Jessie’s throat and she flexed her leg again, you ground down against it immediately. You kissed Jessie hungrily and she returned it eagerly. She could feel your arousal starting to seep through the fabric that separated you.

She was trying so hard to be good, but you grinding against her and breathing in her ear was making it nearly impossible.

Jessie let out a shaky breath and despite her intentions her hands began to work their way under your dress. She stopped herself by your knees, digging her fingers into your skin there.

“I don’t want to just make you cum,” she told you between heated kisses. “I want more.” Jessie dug her nails in. “It kills me to think I’ve just been a fuck to you.” She hissed as you dragged your nails down the back of her neck.

“You’ve never been just a fuck. Ever.” You told her resolutely as you continued to grind against her leg. You could feel how your underwear was nearly soaked through already. “You’re so much more to me. You’re everything. I’m in love with you, Jess. That never changed.”

Jessie’s head fell back against the couch and she lifted her knee to give you more friction. She watched your eyes shut as you rode her leg.

“But I’m not the one who falls asleep next to you,” she challenged you. You locked eyes with her again.

“You could be.”

Jessie let her hands roam further up your legs until her thumbs rest in the crook between your thighs and hips.

“I hate that she gets you every night.” Jessie leaned up and kissed your neck. She smiled to herself as you moaned and began running your fingers through her hair. “That she gets to make love to you.”

“I think of you when she’s on top of me,” you said as your fingers continued to roam through Jessie’s hair. She flexed her leg and pushed up towards you, her hands now pulling you down onto her as well. Another moan fell from your lips.

“It’s always your name on the tip of my tongue,” you continued.

Jessie’s breathing grew heavy and a few subtle grunts escaped her as you brought yourself closer and closer to your climax. The fabric of her pants was wet with your arousal now and it was driving her crazy.

Jessie and you were in a rhythm and you pulled back to see each other. She stared into your eyes, your gazes unyielding, and it wasn’t long before you tensed up on top of her. Your panties were soaked completely through and you dug your fingers into her crown as you came.

You fell against Jessie as your orgasm faded and she absently massaged your thighs. She kissed your neck chastely and urged you to pull back to look at her. When you did, her expression was set.

“We’re not friends,” Jessie told you resolutely. “We never will be. I can’t look at you and pretend I’m not in love with you.” You nodded and kissed her tenderly.

“I know. It’s the same for me. I’ve been in love with you since I was 19, Jess.”

While Jessie’s expression was stoic a moment ago, now her lower lip trembled and her eyes glistened.

“You can’t marry her.”

You sat back momentarily and took in this woman before you.

“I won’t.” You promised her.

Jessie’s fingers dug into you once more and her jaw clenched.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” You told her with confidence.

She brought one hand out from under your dress and grasped your left hand. Her fingers gripped your engagement ring, giving it a solid tug and removing it. She didn’t break eye contact with you as she placed it in your palm.

“It should be my ring on your finger.”

A rush of emotion went through you at her declaration. You took the ring and set it aside before kissing her.

“So put a ring on my finger.”

Suddenly, everything Jessie had been holding back tonight came bursting forward. She gripped you tightly and carried you to the bedroom, quickly doing away with your dress and your ruined underwear. She kissed you possessively as she wasted no further time and ran two firm fingers through your folds.

“You’re mine from now on,” Jessie told you unequivocally. “I’m sick of sharing you.”

You moaned in her ear before adding, “Same applies to you. No more fucking other girls.”

She smirked and began circling your clit. “They never compared anyway. And why would I want anyone else if I can come home to you.”

“Remember that,” you panted, “when you’re halfway around the world and surrounded by beautiful women.”

“You’re the only one I want,” she said with no hesitation.

“Jessie,” you pleaded as you tugged at her shirt. “I want your skin on mine.”

She smirked into the kiss. “Take it off me, then.”

You reached down and pulled the shirt up her back and over her head. She sat up, straddling your leg and inadvertently showing off her incredible physique as she tossed the shirt to the floor. You tugged at the waistband of her pants and she continued to give you a charming smirk as she rose off the bed briefly to remove them.

She climbed back on top of you and ran her hands along your chest and down your stomach with a low growl rumbling in her chest.

“No more sneaking around,” she proclaimed as her eyes met yours. “I want people to know about us.”

You were dripping wet already, but the intensity of her words and the way she looked at you made your core pulse.

She leaned down and ran a thumb along your jaw, her lips hovering just above yours.

“We’ve wasted enough time. I don’t want to waste anymore.”

“Me neither,” you agreed as you cupped her face.

“Starting now,” Jessie asserted as she shifted so she was between your legs, which you readily spread for her. Her hands ran along your legs, wrapping them around her waist as she ran her fingers through your slick folds once more, lubing up her fingers with your wetness before sinking inside of you. “Fuck,” Jessie hissed as you clamped down around her fingers. “You feel so amazing each and every time.”

A wanton moan left your lips. Your fingers dug into her shoulders as you tossed your head back as you felt her digits fill and stretch you.

“God, Jessie, you always make me feel so good,” you said, feeling short of breath already. You felt her body jostle against you as she let out a smug snicker.

“I haven’t even gotten started,” she said as she withdrew her fingers slowly before plunging them back inside to her knuckles. She pulled your earlobe between her teeth and flicked it with her tongue.

“You’re always so good,” you told her as you arched into her. You chuckled. “It’s embarrassing how easily you get me off.”

“Mmm, let’s not call it easy, baby. I very much made a point of ensuring you’d remember me and how I made you feel regardless of who you were going back to.” Her breath was hot in your ear and she traced her tongue along the shell of your ear.

“Then you were very successful,” you told her, your words truncated by subtle moans as she pumped in and out of you, her body rocking above you as she did. “There were too many times I almost said your name.”

A low growl formed in Jessie’s throat again and she quickened her thrusts. “I wish you would’ve.” Despite herself, Jessie’s hand made its way up to your throat and it rest there at the base, her fingers ever so slightly wrapping around you. “I want to be the only one you cum for.”

You ran your fingers through her hair and nodded. “You will be - I promise.” You moaned loudly as Jessie’s fingers curled inside of you and stroked your g-spot repeatedly.

“Now.” Jessie commanded. “Starting now. I’m the only one who fucks you, has sex with you, makes love to you. You aren’t sleeping with her again. Or anyone else.”

You nodded mindlessly as your moans continued to fill the room alongside the sounds of her strong thrusts in and out of you.

“Say it,” she demanded. “You’re mine now. Your body, your heart, your everything - belongs to me now.”

“Oh fuck,” you said in a low moan as you writhed beneath her. “Yes, Jessie. I promise - I’m yours completely.” Jessie groaned and her strokes grew harder.

“I’ll buy a place for the two of us. And I’ll come home to you as often as I possibly can. And I promise I will make every minute away worth your while.”

You clawed at her back and she continued to chant declarations in your ear. The bed creaked with each thrust as she pushed you deeper into the mattress.

“I’ll give you so many orgasms you’ll need a break from me. And I will love you so thoroughly and deeply you’ll never feel alone no matter how far away I am. I promise.” Her voice softened.

“Jesus Christ, Jess. I’m so close.”

Jessie lifted her head and kissed you deeply.

“Marry me. Please. It doesn’t have to be soon - but please, let it be me.”

You kissed her hard, pulling her even closer towards you. “Yes. Oh my god, yes, Jessie.”

Jessie didn’t break your kiss as she continued to pump into you desperately. You both groaned deep in your throats and soon your climax took you.

You continued to moan into each other’s mouths as she rocked into you, your arousal dripping down her palm and onto the sheets. When your body grew limp, she exhaled heavily and let her weight rest upon you as you both worked to catch your breath.

She was absently stroking your hair with her free hand when you came around. You slowly blinked, your vision coming back into focus.

“Did you just ask me to marry you?” You asked.

Jessie hummed and lifted herself up enough to look down at you. “I did. And you said “yes” - but if-”

“No, no. I’m not changing my mind. I just wanted to make sure I didn’t imagine it,” you told her lightly. She chuckled softly and kissed your cheek.

“I mean, we need to have some deeper, bigger conversations about how all of this will work, but my feelings stay the same,” she told you. You nodded in return.

“I know. It’s going to be very complicated and messy for a while. Are you up for that?” You asked and she stared at you steadfast.

“I’ll endure anything if it means I get to be with you at the end of the day.” You smiled at her, but her eyes began to shimmer with tears once more. “Please don’t change your mind in the morning. It would devastate me.”

“Jessie.” You kissed her reassuringly. “You’re the one I’ve wanted all along. I’m not changing my mind.” It was your turn to frown. “If you’re uncertain at all - you have to say it now. I cried every day when you went to London. I can’t do that again.” You took a breath and held her gaze. “I can’t have my heart broken a second time.”

“You won’t go through that again,” Jessie promised. “No more heartbreak. I swear.”

[bambi-kinos]

Thank you for your refreshingly honest comments about Yoko Ono. I find people’s sycophancy towards her and refusal to examine her behaviour a bit sickening, to be honest. There’s clearly an unspoken rule that Yoko is off limits, which is very strange, given that no other person or subject is. Anyway, what I would like to ask you is this: to what extent, if any, do you think Yoko was herself a victim? Did she simply find herself surrounded by bad people who manipulated her (the Sams, John Green, Fred Seaman, etc), or did she seek those people out to do her bidding? From what we know of the plan she made at the start with Tony and the fact that Dan Richter (a very unsettling character in the whole sordid tale) was an old friend who she brought in as part of that plan, I think the latter. But most people on here think she’s great and that she couldn’t help being mentally ill, so hey, maybe it’s just me and my cynicism that says she’s every bit as wicked as her ex-employees claim. What do you think?

When it comes to how Yoko is treated, there's genuinely a lot of nasty history there so fans on tumblr try to tread carefully. It's not an exaggeration that Yoko faced a lot of horrible racism when she was with John and there were even moments when John had to shield her from physical harm. And she was a lightning rod of criticism for lots of other reasons. Once John died she was essentially put in the role of "grieving widow" and boy howdy she milked that forever but it also meant that people were suddenly less willing to criticize her because they didn't want to add to her troubles.

Not to mention John and Yoko worked very hard to network with up and comers once they realized old hands like Ray Connelly wasn't going to play ball with them since they were too experienced. They created a lot of journalistic careers by making the right friends in the 1970s. Many media personalities feel indebted to them and would happily throw themselves in front of a car if Mommy Yoko and Daddy John don't suffer even a whiff of a papercut. When you read Eliot Mintz's book you realize that John and Yoko very deliberately targeted emotionally vulnerable people with empty lives and no strong parental figures so that they could become a quasi-family to them. That's what happened to poor Mintz, John would scream racial slurs at him (because Mintz is Jewish) and Mintz would just kind of. Stand there and take it while John screeched and squalled trying to pretend he was still a bigshot and not a drunkard in his 30s abusing his personal assistant. So much of the public bubble you've noticed is a result of John and Yoko's recruiting tactics. Celebrities usually get a level of protection but John and Yoko cynically courted and elevated the right people to wrap themselves in adamantium.

Fans try too hard to handle her lightly as a result of all the heat she took after marrying John, especially since a bit more is now known about her life and how she grew up and how her dad didn't treat her very well. I also think that there's an element of disbelief, like Yoko's crimes are insane and outlandish, no one wants to believe that they are true. And I know from personal experience that if you try to bring outlandish but true things to someone's attention about their favorite celebrity, you immediately get screaming and hysterics. Cult think is strong.

I don't think Beatle fans on tumblr necessarily buy in to excuses about mental illness and trauma but I do think that they're scared of being criticized or being accused of racism if they're too hard on Yoko. Tumblr users are uniquely vulnerable to that sort of thing because of this website's history and demographics so they take the easy route. I don't really blame them tbh, you never know when something is going to blow up in your face and who wants to court that trouble? There's no benefit to talking about Yoko's problems and abuse of John and Sean in depth since most people are just here for the fanart.

But to move on to your question: I think Yoko was an experienced con artist and manipulator with a genuine artistic vision but I also think she got in way over her head. Yoko's thing appears to have been that she and Tony would scam John with art pieces and that's why they did insane shit like making a contract to split the earnings they got from John 50/50. Get him to buy some plastic crap (that was quite literally all the rage in the 60s "zomg plastic!!!!") and then take the money and run. But I think Yoko sensed early that John was an easy mark and that he was someone she could pump and dump. I think that Yoko started seeing dollar signs and pursued John to get a bigger and bigger payday, she was chasing that dragon.

When it comes to the people Yoko was surrounded by, it's another case of her walking in with her eyes wide open but not realizing how completely in over her head she was. She very deliberately surrounded herself with con artists just like her because she thought it would be easier to control John and fortify her power over him. There were outliers like John Green/Charlie Swan where she believed his bullshit (the man is a masterful con artist) but she was convinced that she was much smarter and savvier than she really was and that she would see through any scams. She was blinded by her pride and never realized just how many rides she was taken for. Like IIRC Charlie Swan helped someone fence a fake painting to her that she paid millions for lol. They realized that she was an easy mark specifically because of her conviction that she was a worldly and experience player. Reader, she is not.

You can see this mindset during her life with John, they were hiring people off the street to work for them and never noticed they were being robbed blind. Like she and John were hoarders to the Nth degree, they bought all those extra condos in the Dakota specifically so that had storage units for all the useless shit they bought. Hundreds maybe thousands of shirts, pants, dresses, coats, scarves, jewelry, never worn and never catalogued, never looked after. Paintings and ancient artifacts stolen from Egypt on the black market, Yoko may have purchased as many as two different Egyptian mummies. Those people that they brought in from the street learned quickly that they could steal whatever they wanted and John and Yoko would never notice. A few of them were caught but there was one case where someone lifted 5 Hermès scarves from Yoko and she didn't notice for over a month and then dragged her heels on filing the police report. Because the Hermès scarves were not actually important since she had dozens of them in the storage apartments. I imagine the staff that stayed on learned quickly that they could steal freely so long as they were smart about it. God knows that's what I would do lmao.

But the point is that Yoko knowingly took in people who were willing to steal from her because she thought she could outsmart or control them, she had no idea how to defend against complicated tactics like "I'll put this in my bag and walk out with it at the end of my shift." I have the feeling John took the theft a lot more seriously than she did. Not that he was willing to do his bit and look after their collection of high end junk, I can't imagine what all their expensive clothes looked like after 10 years in that storage unit since neither of them protected them from pests.

Yoko willingly took these people on and invited them into her home. She and John thought they could use the likes of Charlie Swan and Fred Seaman and the Sams the same way they used journalists like Jann Wenner. What John and Yoko did not realize is that journalism is Hollywood for ugly people, that journalists are uniquely deficient in character or backbone and that journalists are always on the look out for a new Daddy and Mommy to pat them on the head and say "good job son!" Journalists and Hollywood actors are the same, they have holes in their chests were Mom's love and Dad's pride should be.

The problem for Yoko is that the scam artists she hired were extremely skilled, experienced, and ice cold. I love Charlie Swan's book Dakota Days and I believe every word of it (I can repost my review of it if you like) but especially because he coldly shows how childish and self absorbed John and Yoko really were. While they were faffing around doing rich people shit like flying around to random cities based on one guy's bespoke numerology, Charlie Swan grew up having to work for a living before getting into the astrology business. He knew what it was like to work difficult jobs for little money and even attended university and earned a degree in a time before universities became diploma mills. He was savvy and educated and lived an entire life before meeting John and Yoko, got spiritual fulfillment and assurance from his magickal practice. Charlie Swan did not have a hole in his chest where Mom's love and Dad's pride should be. Which meant he simply could not be manipulated the way a journalist can be manipulated. And Yoko Ono could not comprehend this and could do nothing about it. Nothing she said or did had any power over Charlie. She couldn't do anything to him and he frequently scammed her out of millions all while laughing up his sleeve. She thought she could control him but the truth is he had her completely under his thumb. Kind of amazing actually.

The thing that has always baffled me about Yoko is how easy it is to kick her around and stand up to her. John Lennon too as a matter of fact, I don't understand this handwringing and moaning and fear around his "great wit." I grew up on 4chan, I know people who could turn John inside out with a well placed photoshop. It's genuinely baffling to me that Yoko and John were not savagely and relentlessly bullied. They should have been. It lead John and Yoko to develop inflated egos where they thought they were genuinely intimidating. They never realized how pathetic and easily taken in they were because everyone else found it more useful and lucrative to scam them. It's fascinating that Yoko willingly brought these people into her life with John and never once realized that there was a problem.

[zarasu]

Lesbingqiu, black widow

---

Luo Binghe's husband hadn't been dead for two weeks when she met her next target.

It was at one of the parties her connection to her late husband got her an invitation to. "You shouldn't be alone after such a sudden loss," it said.

So Binghe threw on her best black dress, attached a black veil to her hair (long enough to get the point across, but certainly short enough to not cover her face), and painted her eyes black to distract from the lack of eye-bags.

She had lured in more than just a few potential husbands with the tragic widow look before.

When she arrived, the party was already in full swing. Nonetheless, her kind hostess took the time to greet her and express her condolences. (Naive, said a little voice in the back of Binghe's head that she quickly squashed.)

It didn’t take long until she was approached by others, all repeating the same dreary sentiments she had heard a hundred times before. Bored, she let her eyes wander over their clothes, estimating their monthly income.

In the drudge of generic 'thank you's and 'it was just so unexpected's, her attention drifted a bit, until she was suddenly brought back to reality by an overly familiar hand on her arm.

"It must be hard, all alone now," a sleazy voice sounded from beside her and Binghe looked up at a man with too much gel in his hair and a greedy look in his eyes. "Without a strong man in your life to support you. How are you holding up?"

With a practiced eye, Binghe took him in. The suit he was wearing was meant to look expensive, but the fabrics could not conceal the fact that it was off-the-peg. The Rolex on his wrist, as well, was an imitation rather than the real thing.

Binghe drew into herself slightly, away from him, and fixed a tight smile on her face. "I'm holding up alright, thank you."

Apparently, he was dumb as brick as well, because he completely ignored the silent cues and only invaded her personal space further.

Binghe rolled her eyes. She would have driven him off by now, if his behaviour didn’t play perfectly into her plans. She was already playing the tragic victim role, might as well give a heroic knight the opportunity to save her from something more tangible.

"It's best to distract oneself in a situation like that," he continued, and Binghe's smile grew even tighter. "I have a weekend house in-"

"So that is what society has come to," a cold voice came from behind them.

Startled, both Binghe and the man turned around. There, Shen Qingqiu stood, looking at them cooly over a glass of white wine.

Binghe's stomach swooped in nervousness. Shen Qingqiu was... something of an important figure in high society.

The fact that she was the heir to a big corporation was one reason for her popularity. The other, though, was undoubtedly her icy beauty, her flawless manners, and her cutting intellect.

She didn’t disappoint today either, with her gleaming, green silk suit and her shiny dark hair done up in a clever bun.

Binghe had always taken care to avoid her, certain that the other woman's sharp eyes would see right through her facade. Now, however, she was pinned, no way to escape.

Binghe’s palms grew clammy.

Shen Qingqiu continued: "Since when is it the done thing to prey on a grieving woman, I wonder?"

It took Binghe a few seconds of confusion until she realised that Shen Qingqiu's cold stare wasn’t directed at her at all, but at the man next to her.

The man in question seemed to be equally frozen in surprise.

Finally, Shen Qingqiu said slowly but firmly: "Take your hand off her arm."

He flinched and took his hand off her as if he'd been burned. Then, he gave an awkward laugh and excused himself before hurrying away.

Binghe looked after him for a second, wishing she could do the same. Now that she was alone with Shen Qingqiu, what would the other woman say? Or maybe worse; what unspoken knowledge would Binghe find in her eyes?

She tried to brace herself, getting ready for whatever was to come.

Of all the things that could happen, she didn’t expect to suddenly feel two gentle, elegant hands on her shoulders. The scent of green tea and sage met her nose and Binghe froze in surprise.

"Are you quite alright," Shen Qingqiu asked softly, looking down at her with concern in her dark eyes. There was none of the dismissive contempt there that Binghe had expected to see.

"What an unpleasant person," she added and frowned towards where the man had vanished.

With a quick wave, she called a waiter, took one of the glasses of wine from the tray and pressed it into Binghe's hand.

Binghe took a sip without looking. It was red wine. Abruptly, she recalled the question and cleared her throat.

"I'm alright now," she said quietly. Then, she remembered herself and looked up at Shen Qingqiu through her eyelashes. "That is, thanks to you. That really was a bit of an uncomfortable situation you helped me out of, so... thank you."

Instead of answering, Shen Qingqiu just swallowed audibly and, with fascinated disbelief, Binghe watched as Shen Qingqiu's eyes flitted from her eyes to her lips for a second.

No way, she thought, nervousness and confusion giving way to a slow, incredulous delight.

"It was no problem," Shen Qingqiu said, seconds too late to be natural. It seemed she realised it too because a faint blush spread over her beautiful face. She looked away, then, and Binghe realised she was desperately casting around for something to say.

When her gaze fell on Binghe's black veil, she jolted a little. "Ah, I can't believe I forgot to say this before but, my condolences to you."

Binghe needed only a second to calculate her plan of action. It wasn’t hard to decide.

With all her years of training, she made tears rise to her eyes to give them a glazed look and turned her head away a little to hide her apparent bout of sadness, baring her neck in the process.

"I haven't really come to terms with it yet," she whispered. "I keep suddenly remembering that he's... well," she gave a choked, sad laugh. "It catches me by surprise every time."

With wide, reddened eyes, she looked up, and Shen Qingqiu's hand reflexively came up to touch Binghe before she caught herself.

"It must be very hard," Shen Qingqiu agreed quietly, almost awkwardly. "If there's anything I can do for you, please tell me."

Binghe smiled faintly. "You have already done so much for me, I'm not going to ask you for more."

Shen Qingqiu's face took on a very determined expression and, seemingly forgetting that she had just stopped herself from touching Binghe, she gently put a hand on her elbow. "Please, I'd be more than happy to help in whatever way I can."

Shyly, Binghe ducked her head. "As horrible as he was, that man was right that the thing I need most right now is just some company."

Shen Qingqiu frowned at her concernedly. "Do you have any family left? Friends?"

"I'm afraid everyone I could call a friend was my husband's friend first. They have their own grief to deal with," Binghe said quietly, intentionally ignoring the question about family.

"Well, that's no good." Shen Qingqiu's lips pressed together firmly. "I insist that you come visit me tomorrow. Or whenever you have time. It's no good to be all by yourself in that house, surrounded by memories."

Binghe fidgeted, hesitating. She kept the wild smile that wanted to break free in her chest, near her heart, where it belonged.

"I don’t want to be a bother, but if you insist?"

"I insist," Shen Qingqiu agreed and brought her hand up to squeeze her shoulder possessively.

Binghe looked up at her and finally allowed the smile to reach her face, just a little. "Alright then."

She had found her next target.

(With Binghe's skillful manipulations and Shen Qingqiu's urge to do right by her, they get married within the year. Binghe decides to wait a bit longer this time to kill her new spouse, not wanting to draw too much attention.)

(After five years, Binghe decides that there's no real reason to kill Shen Qingqiu just yet. She gives Binghe everything she wants and Binghe really hasn't found anyone who would be a better spouse since they got married.)

(After twenty years, Binghe decides that she's really gotten too old to be an effective black widow anymore. Instead, she plans a twenty year anniversary holiday for them and gives her wife her deserved good morning kiss, relief making her heart feel light.)

(They live happily ever after.)

The end~

[bullet-prooflove]

Sleepless: Harmon 'Harm' Rabb x Reader

Tagging: @keyweegirlie @dizzybee03 @snowlover250 @kenbechillin @too-strong-to-lose @buckysteveloki-me @sca3a @flopiboni @secretsquirrelinc @sportslovers-world @burningpeachpuppy @mandy426 @@al-lethan @thiashazzywriting @kmc1989

References to upcoming Nick Torres fic 'Right Place, Right Time'

Everyone has a case that gets to them, one that claws it’s way into your thoughts, keeps you up at night. Harm’s had a few of them over the years, he knows what it’s like to lose yourself, become obsessed, which is why he recognises the behaviour in you.

You’ve barely been home over the past couple of days and when you are, you’re irritable, distracted. You pick at your food before excusing yourself so you can dig through the boxes in the garage, the ones the two of you haven’t managed to unpack yet. He tries to help but you shoo him away. You need space, he guesses and for the first time in the history of your relationship he goes to bed without you.

It's a couple of hours later that he wakes up, he reaches for you only to find you’re not there. The sheets are cold and there’s no indentation in your pillow. He checks the time on his phone.

3:45am.

You haven’t been to bed yet.

He finds you at your desk in the lounge, your head in your hands as you study the dog-eared notebook in front of you, the one with the faded ink and messy handwriting.

“Savanna.” He says quietly, his large hands coming to rest on your shoulders. His thumbs chase over the nape of your neck, massaging the space where you hold all your tension.  “Sweetheart, come to bed.”

“I can’t, I’ve got to get through these notes.” You mutter, your fingertips massaging your temples.

“How many times have you re-read the same page?” He asks you, his lips brushing over the back of your head.

Your silence speaks volumes. He sighs as he crouches down in front of your chair, altering the trajectory until the two of you are face to face. You won’t meet his eyes, your head is tilted away, your jaw clenched. He can sense there’s something going on underneath the surface, something you’re not telling him. It prickles at you like a barb scratching at your skin

“Talk to me.” He says quietly, using his fingertips to guide your gaze back to his. “What is it about this case that’s keeping you up?”

He can see the exhaustion in your features, the dark circles, the red rimmed eyes. Your complexion is stark, pale. It’s been a long time since he’s seen you like this, not since the shooting back in LA.

“I was the lead on this one, ten years ago.” You tell him, your palm coming to rest flat upon the notepad. “It was my first assignment after the separation, Robbie was fighting the divorce, everything was messy…”

“You’re worried you missed something.” He says knowingly.

“I didn’t give it my full attention.” You admit, toying with the sleeve of your sweater. “I thought she’d deserted, I didn’t think we’d find her in an unmarked grave almost a decade later.”

You haven’t given him the details of the case not until now but he’s seen flickers of it on the news. A mass grave found in a contractor’s yard, six women including a naval officer in various stages of decomp.

“Her sister works for the Cold Case Unit in the basement, her reaction when Nick told her…” You trail off, your lips pursing together grimly. “I don’t blame her for giving it to me with both barrels.”

“She’s grieving.” He says softly, his forehead coming to rest upon yours. “Sometimes as investigators we don’t have the experience, the knowledge to make the pieces fit.”

“I just want to make it right.” You whisper.

He understands that drive, he’d had it after Diane had murdered. He hadn’t been there when she’d needed it and it made him feel culpable. He had run himself into the ground on that case, he couldn’t see what was right in front of him until years later when he’d finally confronted her killer.

“You can’t do that if you can’t function.” He reminds you before he gently tugs you to your feet. “You need to rest, get some sleep.”

“Just a couple hours.” You concede, his fingers entwining with yours as he leads you towards the bedroom.

“Uh huh.” He says non-committedly as he draws back the covers for you.

Harm has no intention of setting the alarm. You’ll sleep for as long as you need to. You’ll be spitting mad when you do wake up but in this case it’s better to ask for forgiveness instead of permission. He doesn’t want you out there, hunting down a killer if you aren’t at your best.

He climbs into bed alongside of you, gathering you up in his arms and you tuck yourself against him. Already he can feel you settling, the tension slipping from your body. His lips brush over your forehead as he whispers.

“Goodnight sweetheart.”

Love Harm? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[elkkiel]

fuck it I know I said yesterday I'm gonna hold on and wait but I just need to get some thoughts out of my head.

Content covered: love and empathy to Caiti, why he's taking so long to get his statement out, and frustrations with balancing personal mental health vs understanding that this isn't about *you*

1) Love to Caiti

I can't even imagine what she's going through right now. Regardless of if George had innocent or malicious intentions, it's obvious that this situation was incredibly traumatic for her. And I'm so glad that she has friends that are publicly willing to support her. I talked about it when Shelby spoke up so I won't bring it up again, but I get what she's going through and how much it fucking sucks. Hopefully, no matter the outcome, she can find peace and healing moving forward.

----------

2) Why he's taking so long

*I'll make statements empathizing with how difficult the self-defence process must be, but it in no way condones or excuses his potential behaviours or actions involved in this situation. He is a grown man and can deal with the consequences as such

The rush to get a statement and potentially closure to move on is understandable but still super stressful all the same. Given the severity of how this will impact his entire life moving forward, I wouldn't be surprised if he's seeking legal counsel or other advice before proceeding with a statement. Additionally, this is likely a situation where there may be little to no evidence that proves he didn't do anything, so whatever he presents has to be circumstantially rock solid with little room for doubt.

This isn't twitter drama where you can link a few screenshots and a twitlonger, or hop on stream quick to spout out your perspective. He stands to lose absolutely everything in his life today and it all depends on what he has to say and how he manages to say it. I know if I was in a situation like that (in the case that he legitimately believes he hasn't intentionally done anything wrong) I would be preparing in every way possible, short of a lawyer speaking for me, to clear my name to the best of my ability.

It makes sense that he's taking so long. He's probably not trying to ignore it and move on, but the lack of clarity on timelines certainly doesn't help him either. I wish he'll say something now too, but there's nothing wrong with taking longer than anticipated to detail out (probably with some fairly intimate detail that may be uncomfortable for anyone to share at such a scale) the most important stream of his life.

----------

3) Autism and grieving a special interest

There are (or were) a lot of neurodivergent people in this community. Like, a LOT. Some of us are able to drop hyperfixations or special interests and move on to something new with relative ease. Others struggle a hell of a lot more. You're not a bad person if you mourn the loss of a special interest in your life, it's just important that you keep the right perspective about it.

It's not as strong now as it was years ago, but the dream team have been a special interest for me since like July 2020. Emotionally, it honest to goodness feels like a loved one has died and I'm having a really hard time coping with it. Fuck, like I called in sick to work today because I the mental toll is so extreme I'm feeling physically ill.

Things will be okay and I'm so grateful to have Sleep Token right now, otherwise I don't know if I would be in a very safe place at the moment. It's really fucking hard and your pain is valid, despite what neurotypicals or neurodivergents with different experiences may say. The important thing to keep in mind is that your pain does not outweigh the pain of those genuinely hurt in this situation (Caiti in this case)

----------

4) Moving forward

I guess it all hinges on what's to come later today. Regardless of the outcome, things will never be the same here and I would be very surprised if any of the dream team carry on with their careers in the same capacity. I'm glad that people seem to be self-blaming less this time compared to the drituation. It still hurts to see this once-vibrant community crumble in such a short period of time.

I don't know what I'll do from here but I don't think the last 4 years were a waste. The dream team was a huge source of happiness during some of the darkest times of my life, and I don't think those memories could ever be tainted.

----------

Much love to everyone, whether you're still hanging around or not. I hope everyone finds happiness wherever they end up and that the truth will prevail in the end

[blee-bleep]

Hello, I’m fairly new (you have a lot of talent, you make wonderful art) but I just saw your post about your grandma. I’m very sorry for your loss. Grief is a very difficult thing and can be very confusing when you lose someone you had a bad relationship with. I was once in such a situation too. I don’t know how it was with your grandma, but I hated that person so much. And when they left… I missed them and I didn’t understand why. After all the things they did… after everything they caused… I still cared about them. I even felt guilty. How could I care about someone like that? I used to get angry at myself every time I grieved, every time I cried. Don’t make my mistake. When we lose someone, no matter how they influenced our lives, there’s an impact. After all, they were still a part of my life, a part of my world. They were a loved one. A member of my family. It changes a lot. And after all, I knew deep down, they still had some good in their heart. After everything… they didn’t deserve to die. And maybe, the thing I missed most was the relationship I wished I had with them.

It was very hard for me to move on. To let go. And I think this is mostly because I didn’t understand that I needed to forgive them. I kept holding on to this pent up feeling of hatred. This anger. But I should have forgiven them for everything they had done. Because forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behaviour. It most certainly doesn’t justify it. It doesn’t mean what they did was okay. Forgiveness is taking the knife out of your own back and not using it to hurt anyone else. Forgive them not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. You deserve to be able to let go. Forgiveness prevents their behaviour from destroying your heart. If you haven’t already, I think you should think about this.

And in the end, we shouldn’t see death as a bad thing, as when someone passes away, it creates another beautiful life. Like flowers dying in the winter, making place for beautiful flowers to blossom in the spring. That is, the merry-go-round of life. 

I hope you have someone to help you through these difficult times. And remind yourself that it is okay to grieve. It just shows that you have a good heart. I don’t know how it is for you right now but I hope I helped at least a little bit. Take care!

Oh and, life has many different chapters. Don’t let one bad chapter close the book.

-Sorry for the long text and all-

Thank you for this ask. i rlly needed to read it, especially abt the knife metaphor. I didnt live with my grandma as close as my other family members were but I still grew up with her, and her image is everywhere in my family (literally, my grandpa's genes are basically nonexistent). so its really hard to process how to grieve for someone you had a bad relationship with. her death esp impacted my parents and aunts, and there's a certain tension between them now.

for me, Im still learning to forgive and learn how to live without her, but rn its the guilt of not building a happier relationship with her im angry about because after all this time, she is still my grandma. this doesnt mean it justifies the horrible shit she said and done (and shes over 90!), but i feel like i can't make peace with myself when we heard that she finally passed. so thank u for your reassurance through this message. grief is truly hard

[competitivedust]

Hello ✌✌

I know I'm kind of a bit late, I just found out anti tags are actually a thing. I just wanted to say that I love Fitz but at the same time I don't (for obvious reasons) and I wish his stans would actually stop using him being sick as an excuse. Like sure that was bad and he really needs professional help but given their situation at that moment they couldn't, and I'm pretty sure his stans are forgetting that he said he doesn't regret doing it and to mention, he wasn't having a psychotic break when he said that.

And also I'm sick and tired of people siding with Fitz when he said "do you want me to recall all the times that you did?" Like, the times where Daisy "turned her back against them" was because she was manipulated and swayed and she "left them" because maybe she thought that was safer for them. (Don't forget she was having suicidal thoughts and was having withdrawal from Hive)

Like sir??? Turn her back against them??? What about all the times when you ALMOST GOT DAISY KILLED??? (When Fitz jumped into the monolith for an example)

Also I'm kinda pissed that no one went on to comfort Daisy, hell not even Jemma. She only cares if Fitzsimmons are still together or not

I still love the Bus Kids but I deserve the fitzdaisy closure. They could make a whole episode about fitzsimmons in s6 but couldn't for fitzdaisy.

Sorry if this is long 😬😔

Hey nonnie! See I used to love Fitz too. But it was with the assumption that he isn't perfect and lately his behaviour with the team has been getting problematic and that most fans realise that.

Finding out they don't was an experience.

I actually came across a thread on reddit a while back where they were hailing the "do you want me to recall all the times that you did" as such a gotcha against Daisy. And then listing all the times that "she turned her back on them". Which consisted of her trying to help Miles in season 1 (the guy she obviously knew longer and she didn't owe them anything at that point, moreover she turned against him when she realised what he'd done), her siding with Jiaying (completely ignoring the fact that her mom who she had been looking for forever manipulated and lied to her and that SHIELD themselves blindsided her by sending Gonzalez when they were actually expecting Coulson, and still she saw through it all and chose to fight her mother), that time she was under Hive's sway (I don't think I need to elaborate on this), that time she went rogue in s04 (once again not caring that she was grieving Lincoln's death and was freshly free of mind control, lost and suicidal and needed help, not a yelling).

And not to mention that not once did she do anything remotely similar to ambushing a member of the team, strapping them to a table and cutting into them. False equivalencies much?

For a show that's all about empowered women, they not only let a white man get away with violating an Asian woman, but also let him flip the story, discredit her as a victim. These tactics are what domestic abusers use. They make their victim feel as if what happened to them was their own fault. So guess Fitz is a classic abuser now. Good luck with that Jemma.

But hey the fans have decided that Fitz can do no wrong, and the show creators have a huge part to play in that. So really at this point I am not even sure who pisses me off more, the fandom or Whedon and Maurissa.

But honestly I wish I had interacted with fans like you instead of the raging a-holes who were bitching about Daisy being a hardass to Fitz. So thank you for the ask, and for giving me your very nuanced take on the whole thing.

[the-cryptographer]

2 for Fenris and for Merrill for the question meme!

Best boy and best girl <3 <3 <3

Thank you <3 I feel like I'm just going to repeat all the things I've already said about them in various other places but, whoa-kay, let's go!

002 | Give me a character: FENRIS

How I feel about this character: Ugh, god. Best boy in the whole series. I relate a lot to his feelings of betrayal, his fear of vulnerability, the obsession with his own capacity for evil, and his everpresent need to rationalise and overthink to try to justify or curtail the needs propelling his behaviour. And outside of me, I think his capcity to be adoring and gushy with the people he loves is very endearing. He’s also imo the companion who has the best visible character growth arc in the series. It’s so lovely watching him come into his own identity over his time in Kirkwall, and I love seeing how he changes between the three acts of the game &lt;3

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Anders. Justice. Isabela. Merrill, kinda. In the unlikely circumstance that she gets to do something fucked up enough in the name of protecting him to give him a boner. Hawke, when Hawke looks and behaves in ways that are nothing like actual canon Hawke. (Rant incoming.) Aveline and Donnic, maybe? I feel like I haven’t figured out a way to make it work that’s not just him being their exotic unicorn which makes me want to punch them both (hope you understand) so I can’t actually justify this one. Velanna would be funny too. I have the need to see it happen.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Merrill. God, she is just- a friggin hilariously awful troll to him in canon and I always wanna take it further. Her talking down to this amnesiac, making excuses for the fact that her little brother elf is very stupid ‘forgive him! he only has seven years of life experience to draw from!’ In a terrible, awful, and funny way, I think Merrill having this connection to another elf she can relieve some of this First to the Keeper condescention onto is nice for her. And Fenris having an elf blood mage in his life that the last thing he needs to do is try to protect or even be nice to is nice for him. They’re both great. Five stars.

My unpopular opinion about this character: He’s got the worst canon romance in the whole game. (Rant incoming.) But within the worst canon romance of the whole game, he has the best scene for helping Hawke grieve Leandra. Idk, I’ve been in Hawke’s shoes there, and I wish I’d had someone like Fenris with me. Who knew there was nothing to say to make it better, but was willing to be there regardless.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: (Rant) Literally any overt textual acknowledgement anywhere that Fenris has made Hawke the outlet for his conditioning with Danarius - following Hawke around to protect him, killing people on Hawke’s command, wearing the Amell coat of arms in the romance, voicing his love for Hawke in the terms of possessive ownership (‘I am yours’), and showing unwavering devotion in the midst of the people around them saying dehumanising racist things about Fenris that Hawke makes absolutely no efforts to stop (ie. Carver calling Fenris Hawke’s ‘pet elf’ in the combat commands). Literally any overt acknowledgement that Hawke is a Hightown noble and Fenris is an elvhen foreigner and second-class citizen that relies on Hawke’s goodwill for immediate physical protection against slave hunters. Literally any overt acknowledgement that, in the fenhawke romance scene, Hawke decided that Fenris impulsively kissing them, directly after Fenris faced down his abuser and learned he had a sister, was an invitation for both pinning Fenris against a wall and any sex that followed after. Literally any overt acknowledgement that this is a completely unreasonable situation to expect someone with a history of abuse and slavery and child grooming be comfortable flexing their own agency and right to not consent to sex. Except perhaps after it’s already happened, which is when Fenris finally does so. I don’t know - I don’t even fully blame Hawke for not understanding some of this but... Man, I want Fenris to get ANGRY about some of it. I think he should go a little feral. I want him to unapologetically do more things that aren’t in Hawke’s best interests, but his own. Maybe unapologetically do some things in his own best interests that screw Hawke over entirely.

my OTP: Ugh, yeah, it’s fenders. And I hate saying that right after I’ve gone on that (Rant) up there ^ because I feel like it definitely makes me look like bitchy ship war trash. I swear it’s not like that! (I’m not sure I’d believe me either) Anyhow, yeah, disclaimer is I know Anders is a racist no-boundaries asshole menace. And I think any portrayal of this relationship worth a damn has Anders dial back the aggression and at least tacitly acknowledging that it’s unfair to ask Fenris to take up mage liberation as his cause. But, man, they want so much of the same things out of a realtionship. Like, a connection that fulfills their every cathartic desire for family and domesticity and safety - the safety to be just unreservedly gushy and devoted and adoring with their partner and ‘I’d commit attrocities for you’. They are both sooo intense in their romance scenes. It is TOO MUCH. Too much for anyone but one another, I mean. They should try fucking that out with one another. Also, like, nice tasty foils goodness of two ex-slaves with WILDLY different experiences of it. I think what gets me about Fenris is that he’s clearly internalised a lot of apologist rhethoric about his own slavery. Like the idea that someone sufficiently dangerous should be enslaved for the safety of others. Which you know is something that people in Tevinter said about him, Mr LyriumWolf BioWeapon. I think Fenris is quick to project this POV onto Anders and, in the moments when Anders makes these angry comments about how Fenris is a violent monster, I feel like you can hear Fenris bracing for the conclusion that he thus does not deserve to be free or deserve Hawke et al’s help fighting off his would-be captors. Because I don’t think he has the self-confidence and rhethoric to really argue against that. But, like, even if he’ll talk a lot of smack about Fenris in other ways, this just isn’t somewhere that Anders is going to take things. Because Anders believes that there are inherent rights to being a person and violences nobody deserves. And this is also something Anders has had the self-assuredness and presence of mind to argue for himself and other mages, even when the entire rest of the world is working against him. And that’s something about Anders that I think in the right circumstances that Fenris could be a little awed by and take inspiration from. A little more willingness to burden others with his problems, and to believe in and advocate for himself - that he deserves better, and that he deserved better even when he was at his worst. That’s what the ship is about for me.

my cross over ship: I got nothing.

a headcanon fact: I seem to have a lot of opinions about the books he likes to read. He likes reading nonfiction, history and economics and architecture. And also poetry. He does not like Varric’s pulp novels, lol.

--

002 | Give me a character: MERRILL

How I feel about this character: Ugh, god. Best girl in the whole series. I love how sweet and thoughtful she can be, and how she’ll extend goodwill towards the other companions at their lowest even when they obstinately haven’t done much to ‘deserve’ it from her. But it’s the moments when she’s not being sweet at all that that I really start to love her. Like, the way she’ll bait people like Aveline and Sebastian and Anders and Fenris with these ‘innocent’ questions that are so brimming with passive-aggressive missle-guided criticism (Asking Aveline why she doesn’t arrest them, and whether Aveline’s a bad guard, and watching Aveline get defensive about it, is one example of many that come to mind.) She’s just very cutting and insightful in all the right moments. And... even though I don’t feel like I agree with the general dogma of the game about blood magic, I do think through that conflict they captured Merrill’s own inability to accept critique well. I think it’s something you see a lot in people with a history of emotional abuse like Merrill, where she’s been criticised so much for anything she tries to do, that she’s just become completely unable to engage with any well-intentioned critique anymore, so she gets very withdrawn and stubborn instead. This is actually the last section of the meme I’m filling out and I’m a bit out of steam. I don’t feel like I really did best girl justice with this description but WRAAAAGH- Know that I love her to pieces.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Anders. Hawke. I realise that Hawke is pretty patronising and paternalistic with her in the canon romance, and I’m not sure I can even say it’s less exploitative than fenhawke up there ^  But she is the character that I tend to come around on wanting to romance as Hawke most. Hopefully I find ways to make it work that aren’t, well, upsetting. Fenris, kinda. And Isabela, kinda. As described up there ^ and in the Isabela ask here, respectively. Bethany/Merrill seems cute enough. Carver/Merrill interests me too, but only really in specific circumstances. I feel like the appeal of the ship is them both having inferiority complexes out the wazoo, and all this baggage about their families and not being taken seriously. And then they both come together to act this out on one another and ultimately work past it. Also farmboy hick Carver really projecting the idea of Merrill being this innocent, naive, out-of-her-depth sweet Madonna that knows even less about the world than he does - and then getting slapped with the fact that there are a lot of assumptions he’s making there as a man and a human that are wildly offbase. Haha, get wrecked, Carver! Also Aveline, kinda? It’s hard for me to wholly imagine going much of anywhere without Isabela between them (also because, you know, the Guard’s violences against the Alienage) but I think their friendship is underrated. They have a lot of cute and snazzy banters. I like the one from Mark of the Assassin where Merrill says they should get matching costumes and be crime-fighting partners together. Morrigan, in an angry ‘fuck you shem Eluvian stealer’ way. Dagna, in a ‘magic researchers and science nerds’ way. Pol, in an ‘evil arachnophobia horror’ way. Audacity, in an ‘awful incel tries to posess your mom when you reject him’ way. I have written a LOT of Merrill ships at this point.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Fenris. As per the above response in his section. That said, Fenris actually imo says the worst and cruellest thing anyone says in the whole game, to Merrill. Anders definitely takes the next 4+ spots on the Worst Things These Characters Have Said to One Another List, but #1 for me is definitely Fenris calling Merrill a monster in the immediate aftermath of Pol’s death. What a dick (affectionate).

My unpopular opinion about this character: She is a person capable of evil. That’s what having agency and power are - the capability to do good and evil. That does not mean I think it’s a power that she shouldn’t have and shouldn't cultivate, quite the opposite. So I need more fic about Merrill being sexy and evil (and also taking it up the butt).

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: It’s a shame Merrill’s quests are really so much Dalish infighting. I wish we could have had more information about her actual goals. What she is trying to accomplish with the Eluvian and her work in the Alienage. In her banters we see some pretty scathing opinions about humans and their culture. And I think any work she does organising and helping Alienage elves is ultimately going to be pretty violent and revolutionary, knowing the kind of disenfranchised that Alienage elves are, and knowing Merrill’s own skillset for helping is, um, highly specialised (murder, blood magic, crafting, and more murder). It’s extra disappointing knowing that Justice & Velanna were the original plan for DA2 instead of Justice & Anders. I wish we could have seen Dalish issues be given the kind of weighty treatment that mage issues ended up getting. But, idk... I feel like Trespasser went more in that direction and then just used it to shit all over indiginous cultures so... :/

my OTP: Merders, or Anders/Merrill. I wrote a post once about how I felt these two characters were far more similar than the game wanted to allow, and how I didn’t feel the game gave proper weight to Andrastian Chantry Imperialism as the base cause for both the mage and Dalish genocides. Those are still the ideas I like being at the centre of Anders and Merrill’s relationship. A lot of the vibes from Act 3 in the game are when I really start to feel this relationship because, like- they’re both at that point struggling with the fact that they’ve made huge sacrifices and concessions to seeing through their goals, and neither are sure that they can actually accomplish those goals anymore, and neither really feels like they can be dogmatically assured that they alone are correct or that the ends don’t justify the means they have each chosen. And I like how she seems a bit in awe of his determination and resillience in spite of that. Also Merrill’s nonreaction to TLS, lol. Going off what I said about Chantry Imperialism - I think of all the companions, Merrill easily has the most reason to want to see Anders wipe the Kirkwall Chantry off the face of the damned map. On a more personal note, I like exploring the kind of condescending protectiveness that Anders feels towards Merrill as another mage, and how Merrill both invites this and rejects this at different points, as it reminds her of Marethari’s controlling/sabotaging protectiveness. And also I like when Anders is a racist asshole and harangues Merrill about her differing cultural ideas about things like blood magic, and then she smacks back and slaps him with her own aggressions. Idk, so many of the companions she’s different levels of complacent with when they talk down to her or belittle her. I just kinda love that Anders gets her riled up enough to smack back.

my cross over ship: I don’t think I have one.

a headcanon fact: I don’t headcanon the mage characters actually walking around Kirkwall with staffs most of the time. I think for Anders just casting with his hands works best, both because it kinda plays up the feral abomination angle, and because I think him needing to get his hands on everything suits his boundary issues. For Merrill I imagine her weapon/casting focus of choice being an obsidian knife from her clan. It keeps showing up in all the fics I write about her :’)

[crazycoke-addict]

Why William Afton shouldn't be seen as a sympathic villain .

I know the title sounds weird but there are fnaf fans out there sympathising william afton without looking deep on how abusive and disturbing he actually is. A lot of people see him as someone who did things because in the sake of love. I understand that it doesn't explain all the actions he did before.

It's still theorise that he started his murders because of what happened his youngest son and he want to bring it back. While this is a grieving father whose trying to bring his son back as in a way for fnaf fans to excuse his behaviour. He wasn't a good father to any of his kids except maybe his daughter when she was alive. Michael Afton, his eldest son appears to want to get the approval of his father because somehow can't because the reason is unknown. Michael was probably psychologically abused by his father just like his youngest brother was if you considered to be FNAF 4 protagonist where William used illusion disks to make nightmare animatronics for Crying Child to stay in his room. I think that Michael being abused by his father was probably want made him turn out and abused his youngest brother. It's cycle of abuse. Until it went too far when the Crying Child got his head in the mouth of fredbear. The day the Crying child passed away was probably the day where Michael want to make up his past mistakes and hoping to get his father's approval.

Throughout the games, we play what appears to be different protagonist but one stays the same. In both fnaf 1 and 2 we will get pink slip where it says that we were fired from our job because we tampered with the animatronics. In FNAF 1, we play a character name Mike Schmidt and In FNAF 2, we play two night guards.however the last person we played was the name of Fritz Smith who got the pink slip. These two characters are the alias of one person and that being Michael afton. The most popular theory is that Michael kept tampering with the animatronics because wanted to release the souls of the children. Buy what If I told you that may not be true at all? What if Michael found out about his father's true plans in order to get the approval of his father and wanting to make up to him. He wanted to finished what William started. Michael was tampering with the animatronics in order to get the remnant. Before William met his demise, he probably gave Michael task's to do. One of them involving his sister Elizabeth Afton.

Earlier I said Elizabeth Afton was probably the only kid that William geniuly loved. This being because during the dialogue of sister location, we hear a little girl pleading her father to playing a certain animatronic which turn out to be circus baby. The little girl does say that her father created circus baby in resemblance to her. Which tells you that William Afton had a soft spot for his daughter. However when she died at the hands of circus baby. It tells you that the reason why William kept her away from circus baby was because the funtime animatronics were created to lure children. Whether or not, he knew that Elizabeth was possessing circus baby before or after he storage them underground. His own daughter has been trapped in the body of circus baby for decades until a familiar face. Not to mentioned that Elizabeth doesn't have control of circus baby in a sense like charlie has control of the puppet because from what I can tell when Elizabeth died it was at hand of the animatronic, she possessed. Elizabeth trapped underground not knowing when she'll get to see the outside ever again. So when Michael came in whom she couldn't recognise because I think that she was unconscious during the nights.

I think through the fnaf games which Michael Afton may have appeared up until Sister location. He was willing to follow in his father's footsteps and kept his promise to make it up to a man whom his whole life was psychologically abusive and pretty neglectful. So when Michael died by the scooper and realised that he couldn't died even when he threw ennard. His experience with dead gave him the realisation that he needs to stop helping his father and actually stop him. During the cut scene where we hear Michael saying he's coming to find William. I see it as him acting that he's still on his father's side. When Michael gets a job at the new freddy fazbear's pizzeria where he's in a charge of pretty much anything. Something tells me while he never saw the cassette man, face to face. He would at least hear his voice. Henry and William were business partners so they're children would've met the other business partner. I also think that when Charlie died, she probably thought she was in safe hands because William Afton was her father's friend and someone who you can trust. Henry knew it was Michael and can see the condition he's in and also knew when they get the last remaining animatronic back together to burn the place down than Michael would want to stay there to burn with them.

William Afton is a terrible father to all his children. He abusive to them. He neglectful to them and manipulated his eldest to do is dirty work in order to reconnect the son he also abused by having him being scared of animatronics he would call friends.

[potatolady189]

The Weather was too Nice

Author's Notes: I wrote this for my assessment task for English, my friend kept telling me to put it here so that I could maybe get more constructive criticism. As this is for a school Assessment it is under strict guidelines, if anyone would want any justifications for the decisions made or a continuation, just let me know. (All honesty, I kind of think this is crap)

It was too nice, the day was too nice, there wasn’t anything outstanding about it, it was just too nice for today, a mildly cold autumn day, with the sun having its moments out, the world seemed content, and that just made it worse. The young girl sat in the back of the car dressed sensibly in all black, The stupid poem her stepmother had given crushed in her hand.

“And Death shall have no dominion”, she didn’t know why Marla thought it was a good gift, she didn’t know why her dad made her say thank you for such a terrible gift either, it was like she was the only one who actually cared that he had died! Her brother had died for god sake, and they honestly thought that giving her a rubbish printed off poem from the internet would help: “Faith in their hands shall snap in two” honestly! How stupid is that? Talking about how even through pain and death they are strong? He can’t be anything, he's dead! She doesn't know who this Dylan Thomas is but he clearly never had a brother die.

Her dad and Stepmother were talking up the front, who knows what about, Delilah just wanted to get this horrible day done with. 

She felt like she was going to scream if one more person came up to her talking about how ‘he’s in a better place’ or ‘It’s all apart of the plan, God works in mysterious ways’, did they really think that was a comfort, how could it possibly be in God’s plan to kill a young boy, how could anywhere but at home with his family be a better place, did these people not understand what was happening?

But she didn’t scream, because her parents would just excuse her behaviour and then yell at her in private.

Clearly someone hadn’t got the memo and if this really was God’s plan it was clearly to tick her off more because just like everyday since he died, the weather was too nice, the kind of weather where you could go for a bike ride, not the kind to stay inside and grieve a dead man and Marla made sure she knew that, every goddamn day she’d come knocking on the door saying that it was a nice day and they should go out; what’s good would going out do? It won’t bring him back.

Delilah spotted that god forsaken poem among the mess of papers and books on her desk and her eyes welled again, that stupid poem, and all the other poems clearly were written by morons, happy feelings and memories can’t bring a person back, once you’re dead that’s it.

Marla was at the hatch again, telling her to come eat dinner with everyone, spouting how ‘it will do you some good to get out of that room’, she was going to refuse, she did refuse but then Dad came bargaining in screaming about how she needed to be nicer to Marla and to get down there and eat. 

So there she was sitting at the table she had sat at a thousand times, it all seemed ridiculous, sitting here eating as a family when they weren’t, they would never be a family again.

Nobody ever talked about it, all the photos had been taken down from around most of the house just like when Mum died, it was like they were trying to erase him. People at school avoided her, nobody knew what to say to her, the best she had gotten was “If you ever need anything”, they didn’t mean it, they couldn’t help and they all knew it, so it was best to just leave her alone because “she needs time”, they all just assumed she needed time, no one bothered to actually ask what she needed or if she wanted to talk, nobody bothered they were all just waiting for her to do something.

She was out for a walk and the weather just like every other day since then, nice.

It wasn’t too cold, the mixture of different trees, some orange and yellow, others still green, some with no leaves at all, it just added to her bad mood, she felt like the barren trees, dry and dreary while everyone around her was so happy and pretty, no one seemed to care that he was gone, no one talked about him, no one talked to her, and when they did it was more of the same crap they had been spewing for months: “He’s in a better place”, “It is not our place to question why God does things” or “There is a reason for everything”.

The day was colder than it had been since he died, the sky was cloudy but by all accounts it was still a decent day. Delilah couldn’t force herself to get out of bed, last night, just like every other night she slept shit, tossing and turning and then it was morning, luckily it was the weekend and she had nowhere to be.

She didn’t know what time it was, or how long she had laid in bed but there was a knock on the door, Marla no doubt to try and force her out again. Delilah yelled for her to go away, this time she didn’t, the sound of the door being forced open and Marla stepping in onto the floor, she walked over silently and sat on the bed, waiting to be acknowledged. 

Eventually Delilah glared at her and at her invasion of Delilah’s personal space, her bedroom. 

Marla began to speak, trying to give some form of comfort to Delilah

“When you walk into a garden and you’re looking at flowers, you pick the prettiest  Ones.”

Marla took a moment before continuing

“Your brother was such a good person, so God called him back home.”

Marla’s words just made Delilah angrier, flowers!? Why would God want him back if he was such a good person? Wouldn’t he want to reward good people with good, long lives? Why should bad people get to live while the good get their lives cut short?

She hadn’t had a proper conversation with Marla or anyone really since his death but suddenly she was yelling, letting Marla hear everything Delilah was feeling and how dare everyone else not feel the same way, acting like everything was fine, like they were a proper family having family dinners when that would never be true.

Screaming in her face about how she couldn’t just get over his death or pretend it never happened, he was her brother! Her best friend! 

She hadn’t realised she had basically forced Marla all the way back to the door until after she slammed it shut. This ironically just made her feel worse, she had finally said what she had been thinking for months and it should have been some form of catharsis, but it wasn’t, she just felt like a prick.

She made her way back over to her desk where the scrunched up poem Marla had given her lay near the bin, she sat down, put her head down and finally someone had got the memo and the sky had gotten dark and it started to rain.

[arty-shadow-morningstar]

could you possibly do an angsty brucinette oneshot where marinette didn't know that bruce was batman and finds out after jason mysteriously returns from the dead (aka revived by the lazarus pits)

There is like two version of this. A Romantic one and a Bio!Dad AU.

------

Scene 1: Marinette and Bruce first meeting. (Jason might be a possible matchmaker in the scenario. Gala/ Coffee shop/ MDC meeting. Marinette impress him on some level and for the first time in his life, he feels like this is someone he wants to settle down with. )

Scene 2: Bruce and Marinette in a relationship and being happy. (One year anniversary)

Scene 3 and 4: Jason’s death and the aftermath as Marinette tries to help Bruce cope and he is making it harder by pushing everyone away. She is grieving because she loves Jason like her own son. Bruce’s secret late night activities threaten their relationship which Marinette tries very hard not to pry but he is not making it easy when he comes back with bruises and sometimes injuries.

Scene 5: Her job in Gotham to balance the energy in the city is done and it will slowly adjust on its own and she did all she could. She has to find another city and balance the negative energy there. She wants to stay. She really does but Bruce is not making it easy for her to find a reason. She loves him and she can’t take it anymore. Break-up. It’s messy on both sides. Bruce loves her too but he’s Batman and he already lost his son to what he does and he can’t let the same thing happen to her so he lets her go. (Emotionally-constipated Idiot here.)

Scene 6: Years pass, Marinette stays away from Gotham and does her Guardian duties. She and Wonder Woman are sort of BFFs. So when there is a world-ending thing happening and WW asks her to come help since JL is lacking some manpower due to reasons (injuries/ MIA). Marinette obliges. There is a big meeting. Obviously, Batman and his entire Batclan is there. WW introduces her friend and B is suspicious of new people. Red Hood lets out a snarky joke that is so familiar that Marinette can’t help but gasp at the nickname she gave Jason (research a French nickname.)

Scene 7 (The reveal): Batman and Red Hood sitffened. Nightwing is more on guard. The other Bats notice that shift in body language and they follow Nightwing’s lead. Red Hood replies with “M?”. She nods. Red Hood takes off his helmet (plus his mask) and she knows that it is Jason standing in front of her and very much alive. She connects the dots between the body language Bruce displays and figures out Bruce’s identity. She de-transformed and hugs Jason. Bruce is trying to process the information as he is shaking from some sort of emotion. Nightwing also goes to hug Marinette. The other Bats have various reactions but most of them relax. Other JL members interrupt to get back on track of the Doomsday happening thing. (Maybe before asking how she knows Batman and M replies that she is his ex. Bruce is hurt a little but also blames himself since it is his fault they are like that. And everyone is thinking that how can someone that nice date Batman. A few fear her since she had dated Batman and lived. It makes sense that Diana is friends with her.)

Scene 8: Doomsday thing is over. Everyone celebrates. During the afterparty of sorts, both of them end up at some quiet place. Angst, Sprinkle in lots of angst about everything. Marinette was bitter and was soon yelling/crying at him. Bruce doesn’t try to defend himself. Marinette composes herself and asks him why he did what he did. He gives his side of the story and says how that doesn’t excuse his behaviour and that he should have handled it better. Marinette told him about the reason she had to leave and that if he had asked her to stay she would have and admits that she still loves him. Bruce hopes that they get another chance. A fresh start and they both kiss. (Maybe mistletoe/ maybe re-enactment of the first time they met.)

“I am MDC. But you can call me Marinette. I have a super secret job of protecting magical jewellery.”

“I am Bruce Wayne. I also have a secret night time job of being Batman.”

Scene 9: It’s been a while since they began seeing each other again. Marinette travels a lot but keeps in touch and tries to stay in Gotham every chance she gets. Both of them are going slow (this frustrates Dick, Babs and Steph to no end. Jason has already declared that he is going with Marinette if they ever split again.) Tim is okay with her and sees that Bruce is happier nowadays. Damian and Marinette are a little rocky with some hostility on Damian’s part but he tolerates her. (It is because of the kwamis.)

Marinette is home and baking something while Bruce watches. (he is in the kitchen doorway, respecting Alfred’s ban) When she is done, he hugs her from behind. Some lines about how happy Marinette is and their relationship is not perfect and there are some fights but they are getting there.

[summerwritesfics]

🔥❄️Share Your Burden, I Will Carry It, A Refuge All Around You

Pairing: Hanzo Hasashi/Kuai Liang, Past!Sektor/Kuai Liang Length: 5472 Words Rating: Explicit 🔞 Warnings: Secrets, Past Relationship(s), Past Toxic Relationship, Implied Past Abuse, Arguing, Jealousy, Sex Tapes (Well kinda if you could watching someones memories as sex tapes), Past Brainwashing/Mind Control, Some fucky past beliefs about relationships, Anger, Rimming, Past Sex, Fire, Grief/Mourning, Disassociation, Body Image, Make Up Sex, All Sektor/Kuai is in the past, Trying to move on from the past, Grieving for someone you know was bad to you. SubScorp Week Day 6: Secret

SubScorp Week 2022 Masterlist

Notes: Day 6! Give it up for day 6! God I can’t believe how fast this weeks gone 😭 NGL this one’s quite heavy, so please consult the warnings if there might be something that will upset you. I will say the bad stuff’s in the past and isn’t explicit but it is talked about, so please just be careful proceeding. Title is from “Guardian” by Æther Realm

Something was off.

Usually Kuai Liang was all smiles when Hanzo came to visit the Lin Kuei. Today hadn’t really been different, but Kuai’s smile wasn’t his usual one. It looked forced, like he was in pain and trying to hide it. It wasn’t just that either, his whole demeanour was off today. His body a little stiff, his jaw and hands clenched, his reactions slow like he was a million miles away.

It was all just off.

Due to Kuai’s prior commitments to his clan, it took a few hours of witnessing this odd behaviour before Hanzo got the chance to ask, when he’d finished up the training session and let his students filter out. Given how quickly everyone was trying to leave, Hanzo wasn’t the only person to notice the strange tension in the air. Hanzo approached, placing a hand on Kuai’s shoulder and earning a jump of surprise. Kuai looked at Hanzo with a questioning look on his face.

“Kuai Liang, is something wrong?” Hanzo tried to not sound too pushy. Kuai was the sort of person who got extremely closed off if you tried too hard to get them to talk. It had to be gentle. “You’ve not seemed yourself all day.”

“I’m fine,” Kuai tried and excuse with a wave of his hand, but even that all seemed half hearted. “I’ve just got some things on my mind, it’s nothing you need to worry about.”

“Maybe it would help to speak about them? Get them off your mind?” Hanzo offered, and felt disheartened when Kuai shook his head.

“There is no need, this is just a me issue.” He moved Hanzo’s hand off his shoulder, offering a small bow. “I need to go catch up with a few of my generals, as always make yourself at home Hanzo.”

Before Hanzo could argue his point, Kuai had turned on his heels and was halfway across the courtyard. Right. Something was definitely going on and it wasn’t just things on his mind. But how Hanzo was supposed to approach this, he had no idea.

“So, gonna assume you have no idea why he’s in a weird ass mood today either?” An unfortunately familiar voice question. Hanzo turned just in time for Frost to come and stand by his side, hands on her hips. “He’s been acting peculiar all day. He’s not even lectured me once.” Hanzo’s eyes narrowed and she spared him a glance. “He’s sad about something, rather than angry.”

“You deduced that from him not lecturing you?” Hanzo questioned.

“He lectures me a lot,” she said with a shrug, “and when he’s angry they’re more intense. He only avoids it when he’s sad.”

Hanzo honestly didn’t realise that Frost paid that much attention to Kuai Liang’s feelings. She always seemed indifferent and resentful whenever Kuai showed emotion. If he weren’t so concerned about his boyfriend, he’d maybe see the humour in Frost’s assessment of Kuai’s mood hinged on if he was nagging her or not.

“Any ideas what he could be sad about?” Hanzo asked, as loathe as he was to admit it, if anyone in the Lin Kuei had answers it was probably her.

“Not really. Nothing’s happened that I’m aware of.” She rubbed her chin with her hand like she was thinking. “It’s not the anniversary of Bi-Han’s death because he’s not frozen himself in his room.”

“He… freezes himself in his room on the day of Bi-Han’s death?” He hadn’t known that. Kuai had never mentioned it, and Hanzo had always elected to leave Kuai alone on that particular day. As much as he loved Kuai Liang, he really did not think the presence of Bi-Han’s murderer would help.

“Yeah, it’s really bad” she said in a drawn out way. “It’s not the anniversary of someone else’s death is it?”

“Possibly.” He could think of three people it could be, Tomas, Cyrax or Kuai’s Grandfather. Given the rest of Earthrealm’s allies usually held a memorial on the day of the majority of it’s warriors deaths, he decided he could rule out Tomas. “Logically it’s either Cyrax or his Grandfather.”

“Not Grandfather,” Frost claimed, “he has a whole ass ritual for that, and he’s not done it.”

“So… Cyrax?” Hanzo concluded, and Frost’s face twitched and she shrugged again.

“I guess.” She didn’t sound all that convinced. “Like don’t get me wrong, I know they were close and he does grieve for him, but I dunno, this feels like something more.”

“It was also the day he faced the old Lin Kuei,” Hanzo pointed out, that might add to this episode. There must have been something soul destroying about obliterating everything you once knew.

“Yeah but… they were all clones by that point right?” Frost finally looked at him fully. “I can’t see him being too sad about that.”

“Well, the only other person there that day was Sektor.” Hanzo wanted to laugh at the idea he had anything to do with Kuai’s mood. If anything, he would be celebrating the death of that bastard. “And I doubt he’s this bent out of shape over him if all people.”

“Well I mean,” Frost bit her lip and crossed her arms over her chest, “there is always Sektor’s cybernetic memories.” Hanzo wasn’t sure what she was talking about. “If something more happened that day that we don’t know about, something with him and Cyrax, or even Sektor himself, it would have been caught, right?”

Hanzo paused and thought about it. That was absolutely true, if Sektor still had the memories that revealed the truth of Quan Chi’s deception, then he’d definitely have them from that day. Kuai had told him about the events from his point of view, but maybe Kuai was omitting the really bad parts.

But was going through Sektor’s memories really the answer? It felt underhanded, going behind Kuai’s back like that. If Kuai found out, would he ever trust Hanzo again?

“You seem conflicted,” Frost noted in a dull tone. “I mean, the option is yours, but that’s one way to get answers.” She flipped a strand of hair out of her face. “I can’t really help you with that. Anyway, I’ve got work to do.” She lazily waved, “later, Shirai Ryu Dog.”

Hanzo just rolled his eyes. Just because Frost wasn’t outright aggressive anymore, didn’t mean she was any more pleasant toward him. He decided it was easier to just let her make her snide remarks and insults rather than engage these days.

His thoughts went back to what she had said however. He was reluctant to take things that far, going snooping through Sektor’s memories to find an answer to a question that might not even exist. On the other hand, would Kuai ever actually admit what was wrong? At least if Hanzo knew, he could figure a way to gently help him, without letting on how much he really knew.

He took a deep breath, and despite his reservations, set off in the direction of where Sektor’s cybernetic head was safely stored away.

----------------------------------------------------

There was nothing immediately obvious in Sektor’s memories of that day that stuck out to Hanzo.

It seemed his memories kept recording even after Kuai had taken his head. He saw the last conversation between Kuai and Cyrax, and while it was definitely depressing, there wasn’t anything he wasn’t already expecting in there. He jumped around the encounter a bit, trying to find any strange incidents. There was a moment he found uncomfortable, where Sektor reached to grab Kuai’s chin, his metalic fingers digging into Kuai’s skin. It was far too intimate and almost possessive, and he hated the jealousy that began to swirl inside him.

He felt guilty about that. There was nothing about the gesture that should have earned that reaction from him. Yet there was a twisting in his gut telling him this was somehow the something more, but still not the full answer. Not quite anyway.

So he decided to go back in Sektor’s memories.

All the way back, back to when he was an early adult. He skimmed memories, skipping around without much purpose in the hopes of catching something to explain this strange instinct that had come over him. Things were just about as he expected, daily life in the Lin Kuei, discussions with his father, Bi-Han and Cyrax. None of these revealed anything. Until finally, he found a memory of Kuai Liang.

It was strange, mostly focused on Kuai’s face. It was always bizarre to see his husband looking so young, no grey hairs, or wrinkles, or that scar. But that wasn’t the strange thing about it. Kuai was panting, like he was doing something physically strenuous. Hanzo couldn’t figure it out for the life of him.

Until a moan came from Kuai’s mouth.

“What?” He muttered. No. No no no, that isn’t what’s going on here, it can’t be.

There were two hands on Kuai’s torso, suddenly flipping him over onto his stomach. Sektor’s gaze trailed down, sweeping along Kuai’s back and down to his ass. Hanzo wanted to vomit when he saw Sektor’s dick, poking at Kuai’s entrance before slowly pushing in. Kuai groaned again, causing Sektor to look up, wrapping a hand around Kuai’s mouth.

“Shut up! Do you want to get caught?” Sektor’s grip tightened and Hanzo saw Kuai shudder.

Mouth drying up, Hanzo watched in horror as he witnesses his boyfriend and enemy fuck like their lives depended on it, Sektor pounding Kuai into the mattress until they both reached their peak.

It was a one off. It had to be a one off, there was no way that Kuai Liang slept with Sektor more than once.

Right?

He wound through the memories, more throughly this time. Every so often, he came across another memory, another time Kuai and Sektor were intimate with each other. Sektor with Kuai against the wall, his hands around Kuai’s neck, Kuai on his knees and sucking Sektor off, the pair of them hiding in a secret area of the temple, Kuai riding Sektor. God, any position Hanzo could imagine them in, he found the evidence of them doing it.

He felt his world going hot. A burning smell as his rage boiled over into real flame. How dare Sektor think he even had the right to touch Kuai Liang? Let alone have sex with him? Jealousy was taking over, the desire to fucking strangle Sektor was unbearable.

Kuai Liang kept this from you.

That sudden thought did nothing to quell his anger. Why the hell had this never come up? Why was this not one of the first things Kuai had told him? Yes, Hanzo always knew Kuai had been sexually active in the past, he was far too skilled in that aspect of his life for him to have not been, but he would have never in a million years thought this was the answer. Not with fucking Sektor of all people.

It wasn’t a one time thing either. Maybe that he could understand, but this was multiple times over multiple years. No way it was just a fling, it was a full fledged relationship.

No amount of deep breathing and calming reaffirmations would help.

He needed answers.

He stormed back out into the corridor, on the hunt of the only person left to give him them.

----------------------------------------------------

He slammed open the door to Kuai’s room, too hot with anger to acknowledge the way Kuai jumped at the sudden intrusion.

“Hanzo, what the hell is going on?” Kuai asked as he stood up from his desk. Hanzo didn’t reply, just shut the door, even in his rage he was still aware that if anyone over heard them it wouldn’t be good. Hanzo just stood and seethed, and Kuai began looking extremely uneasy. “What’s wrong?”

“I know,” Hanzo hissed, and Kuai had the gall to look at him with confusion. “I know about you and Sektor.”

Kuai’s face dropped, he opened his mouth like he wanted to say something to defend himself but nothing came out.

“Do not try to deny it.” Hanzo took a step forward and was even more frustrated when Kuai took a step back. “I saw you in his memories. I know.”

“Hanzo-“

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” Hanzo demanded, every step he took Kuai took several more backing away from him. “You were fucking Sektor, and you never thought that was something you should tell me about? What is wrong with you?”

“I didn’t-“

“And don’t try to say it was a one time thing, I saw you, it was multiple times!” By this point Kuai had backed himself against the wall, Hanzo only barely managed to comprehend how terrified he looked. “I trusted you! I told you all about my relationship, but you couldn’t do me the same dignity? You had to let me find out through Sektor’s sordid memories?”

“That-“

“Just fucking tell me why!” Hanzo slammed his hand down against the desk, watching as Kuai flinched like the fist had been in his direction. “I have told you everything why would you keep this from me?”

“Because I’m ashamed!”

Hanzo actually paused at that. It was amazing how just one sentence was enough to break through his anger and frustration. Kuai was shaking against the wall, lip wobbling and eyes full of tears, although he was looking away from Hanzo.

“I’m ashamed that I ever loved that bastard. And you can’t compare our past relationships, you just can’t!” Kuai wasn’t shouting, but god his voice sounded wrecked like he had been. “You married a woman who loved you with all her heart.” Kuai’s eyes finally met Hanzo’s as he choked out, “I fell in love with the man who ruined my life.”

There was a tense silence, but Hanzo let all the anger go, his fire extinguishing. Kuai pushed himself away from the wall on shaking legs, just about making it to his bed. He perched on the edge, putting his head in his hands and letting out a loud sob.

“Kuai Liang, I-“

“I’m sorry,” Kuai interrupted, before Hanzo could say his own apologies. “I’ve wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how.” Kuai took a deep breath, but it seemed to do nothing to ease him down. “I was afraid this was how you’d react.” Kuai tried to wipe at his eyes. “I’m sorry this is how you found out.”

Hanzo didn’t know what to say. He hated that he’d made Kuai’s fears a self fulfilling prophecy, even if he knew he had every right to be angry, and Kuai seemed to acknowledge that too. Yet now, he couldn’t feel that way. Those words had been so raw, referring to Sektor as the man that had ruined his life. How shamed Kuai was by his own emotions. Hanzo only saw the sex, saw red, and came on the offensive. He didn’t delve into what the relationship was like otherwise, and if there was a more insidious reason Kuai had been reluctant to talk about it.

“I’m just upset you never told me,” Hanzo said, trying to keep his voice calmer now.

“I know.” Kuai finally looked up, there were tears streaming down his face. “The more time went on, the harder it became. I could just never find a good way to do it. A good way to say without upsetting you.”

There was silence again, Kuai bowed his head placing his hands behind it, tangling his fingers into his hair. There were still answers Hanzo wanted, and it seemed Kuai was finally going to talk, so there was no time like the present.

“So… Is this why you’re so upset today?” Hanzo asked, not really sure what he wanted from the answer. “It’s the anniversary of when you killed him?”

“I always struggle on this day,” Kuai admitted, keeping his eyes on the floor, like he just couldn’t bare to look at Hanzo. “I always start the day mourning Cyrax, promising myself this is his day because he did so much for me and deserves my respect, and I feel so guilty that Sektor manages to worm his way into my head every single year.” Kuai rubbed his eyes, trying to scrub away the tears forming. “I always remember, how when I went into that building, despite all the terrible things he’d done, I still loved him.” Kuai hiccuped, a sob and laugh at the same time. “That’s so fucking stupid isn’t it? He hurt me, and if I’d failed he would have hurt me again. Yet I was still a lovesick fool for him.”

“Do you still love him?”

“No,” Kuai answered quickly and forcefully. Despite being a little quick to answer, Hanzo believed this was the truth. “But, for some reason, I just get caught up in how I once had those feelings. I just think back, and go over things that happened, what I did wrong.” Kuai shook his head. “Like if I’d done something differently, if we’d run away together years ago, if I’d loved him more, loved him better… Could things have had a different ending? Could I have saved him from turning into the terrible person he did?”

“Kuai Liang,” Hanzo said softly, slowly approaching Kuai, and sitting next to him on his bed. He placed a hand on Kuai’s shoulder, hating how Kuai flinched as he did. “You did nothing wrong. There was nothing you could have done. Thinking of the past like this is dangerous.”

“I know, I try not to.” Kuai looked like he considered leaning against Hanzo, but went against it. Hanzo had a feeling that in this moment, Kuai was denying himself comfort because he didn’t feel like he deserved it. “I keep it locked away, but on this day, it all seems to spill out for some reason.”

Another silence came across them, thankfully not as tense anymore, but still suffocating in it’s somber tone.

“You know I used to think that was just what love was,” Kuai started. He still looked like he wanted physical contact from Hanzo, but was also uncomfortable with it. Hanzo decided to hold off for now, not wanting to push Kuai while he was already struggling. “Arguments and fights, turned to lust and sex.” He laughed bitterly, “I used to think it was normal for only one partner to say I love you.”

“Do you think he loved you?” Hanzo questioned, that emotional connection seemed one sided from Kuai’s perspective. From Hanzo’s it felt like Sektor just wanted someone to fuck and use as a punching bag.

“I don’t know,” Kuai admitted. “Maybe. There were times where he… was nice to me.” Hanzo couldn’t help hissing at that. That Kuai had been so mistreated he thought someone occasionally showing him kindness was the same as someone loving him. “When he converted me, there was… a line of code.”

Bile began to gather in the back of Hanzo’s throat as he asked, “what line of code?”

“I was programmed to love him.”

Oh, if Sektor was still alive Hanzo would have been out the door and hunting the fucker down so he could rip him apart.

He buried that anger though, Kuai was already shaken, and he didn’t want to scare him back into keeping all these things secret. Hanzo did cave on the physical contact however, wrapping his arms around Kuai and pulling him into the tightest hug he could. Kuai relaxed against him.

“There was this sick part of me that used to think, if he didn’t love me, why would he want me to love him?”

He didn’t love you, Hanzo thought, wanting to scream it from the fucking mountains. Anyone who loved you wouldn’t do that to you!

“He should not have done those things to you,” Hanzo muttered holding Kuai a little tighter, like if he didn’t Kuai was going to fall from his grasp. “I’m sorry I was angry my love, I did not mean to scare you. Thank you for opening up to me now, I know this wasn’t easy.”

“I am sorry, I really messed up not telling you sooner.” Kuai pushed away, just enough to look up at Hanzo. “You are the only person I’ve been with who treats me well. I was scared if you knew how much he broke me, that you would hate me. I did not want to lose you.”

“You aren’t broken, and even if you were I’d never hate you,” Hanzo softly replied, kissing the top of Kuai’s head. “Does anyone else know about this?”

“Only Johnny.” That surprised Hanzo. Not because it was Johnny, he knew that despite outward appearances, that the two were close. More that Johnny had been able to keep his mouth shut about something like this. “It was before we were together. We were talking about my experience in the cyber initiative and it just came out.” Kuai rested his head on Hanzo’s shoulder. “If it makes you feel better, he’s been nagging me about telling you for a long time.”

Hanzo wondered if he should feel a bit pissed that Johnny knew and hadn’t told him. Reality was, he was thankful that Johnny was such a good friend. He knew it wasn’t his place to bring up such a thing, and tried to coax Kuai into doing it himself. He made note to buy Johnny a beer at a later date.

However, this did make him realise something else Kuai had never really talked about.

“We’ve never talked about your experience as a cyborg,” Hanzo gently prompted. Now felt as good a time as any, given everything else they had been talking about.

“I know, it’s because it’s hard to explain what it was like,” Kuai softly muttered, nuzzling into Hanzo’s neck. “I was in this body, made out of metal and it wasn’t mine. I couldn’t feel anything other than pain, not even the heat or wind.” Hanzo agreed, that did sound like a hard thing to explain. “It was like I was a parasite, piloting a body that I’d infected.” Hanzo gently rubbed circles in Kuai’s back. “Even now, sometimes, I feel like this isn’t my body. Not really.”

“Why do you think that?” Hanzo asked, trying not to let off just how concerning he found that sentiment.

“This body is the one that Quan Chi rebuilt. So, can it really be mine?” It was depressing that Hanzo understood that logic. “And I keep finding these flaws on my body, marks that weren’t there before, scars and redness, bruises, and it just makes me believe that this body really isn’t mine, because mine didn’t have these flaws.”

If Hanzo was completely honest, he had no idea how to help with that. He reached down and pulled Kuai’s face up to his, kissing him softly. Kuai sighed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Hanzo’s neck. Hanzo moved to gently kiss down Kuai Liang’s neck, earning a purr from him.

“You have endured so much,” Hanzo muttered against Kuai’s skin, mouthing at his throat. “I wish I could take away all the pain that has been inflicted on you.” Another kiss. “You are perfect, no matter what form you take. Allow me to make up for my initial reaction.”

“Should it not be me making it up to you?” Kuai said in a tired tone.

“You already have by being honest with me,” Hanzo explained, and it was true. At least in his mind as he was no longer angry at Kuai. The anger that remained was now squarely on Sektor, and his hatred for that asshole had reached new heights he didn’t know were possible. “And it is clear to me that right now, you need my reassurances more than anything that I may want.” He guided Kuai until he was on his back on the bed, Hanzo looking down at him, still trailing kisses along his collarbone. “Allow me to show you how much you mean to me, how much you deserve to be loved, and how you have always deserved better than this world has given you.”

Kuai nodded, and Hanzo went to give him one last kiss on the lips before he began to go lower. He pulled Kuai’s shirt up, immediately kissing down along his chest. Hands wandered to his pecs, feeling and the muscles, and pinching his nipples. Predictably Kuai ached his back, and whimpered.

“So sensitive,” Hanzo laughed, before closing his mouth around Kuai’s nipple and gently sucking. Kuai gasped and went to reach for Hanzo’s head, pushing him closer. Hanzo purred, his tongue swirling around.

“H-Hanzo,” Kuai groaned, squirming already. Hanzo pulled away, he wouldn’t torture Kuai like this, not today.

He continued to kiss down his Kuai’s torso, taking care to kiss every inch. Kuai’s body was a temple, and he was here to worship. Kuai’s writhed under him, sweet noises spilling from his lips. He didn’t want to think of Sektor’s memories, not right now, yet he couldn’t help observe how different Kuai’s sounds were. Hanzo was the only person who could make Kuai sound so sweet, so content. No matter how he felt about Kuai’s past relationships, these sounds were proof that Hanzo was the one Kuai had chosen above all others, and the one he felt most comfortable being vulnerable with.

No amount of force and control could make someone love like this.

Hanzo’s hands were hooking into Kuai’s pants, pulling them down and off. Kuai was already half hard, and Hanzo marvelled at how Kuai’s body reacted to his touch. Hanzo licked up along Kuai’s shaft, taking in the head and softly sucking on it. As he teased at Kuai’s cock, his hands reached for those perfect thighs, gently parting them.

He released Kuai’s cock, letting it fall against his stomach. He shifted further down, throwing Kuai’s legs over his shoulders. He mouthed at Kuai’s thighs, earning more of those angelic noises. Kuai’s hands went to find the headboard. Hanzo’s mouth reached Kuai’s entrance, lapping the flat of his tongue against it. He felt Kuai buck and tense for a few seconds, before relaxing, at which point Hanzo licked again and Kuai’s reaction repeated.

Cute~

He didn’t work his tongue in straight away, spent what felt like forever just licking around the rim, teasing Kuai and watching how hard the man was getting. Hanzo ran a hand down his navel, feeling it sticky with precum. As his hand reached for Kuai’s cock, he finally relented and pressed his tongue inside. The sharp intake of breath and the way Hanzo felt Kuai’s legs begin to tremble was all the confirmation that Kuai was enjoying himself he needed.

Hanzo began to stroke Kuai as his tongue pushed in deeper. Kuai was muttering to himself, bucking into Hanzo’s hand while simultaneously trying to get more of the feeling of Hanzo’s tongue. Some words Hanzo understood, his name, pleas for more, but other times Kuai was just lapsing into Mandarin. Despite the language barrier, he could tell they were words of pleasure from the tone. He sounded breathless, his pants even but heavy.

“Hanzo,” Kuai gasped as Hanzo’s mouth sealed around his hole and he sucked. “Ah! Hanzo please.”

Hanzo briefly pulled back to ask, “what do you need, snowflake?”

He didn’t wait for Kuai’s reply before his tongue was working it’s way back inside.

“Hanzo, I’m going to-“

Kuai didn’t finish his sentence, cutting himself off with a loud groan. Hanzo already knew what he had been about to say. He doubled his efforts, swirling his tongue inside and speeding up the jerking of his hand. It didn’t take long for Hanzo to feel Kuai reach his limit, Hanzo’s hand becoming wet as he came. Hanzo pulled away, sitting upright and watching as he finished wringing the orgasm out of him.

Kuai lay there, bleary eyed and panting up at Hanzo. There was only one word on Hanzo’s mind.

“Beautiful,” he whispered, crawling over Kuai and leaning over him once again. “You are so beautiful.”

Kuai blinked, tears escaping his eyes as he did.

“I don’t deserve you,” he croaked, he was smiling despite everything. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I don’t-“

“You do,” Hanzo said in a low rumble leaning down to once again claim Kuai’s lips. “I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that this is the love you deserve.”

“I’m sorry.” Kuai’s hands finally released the headboard, reaching to wrap around Hanzo’s shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

“Shh,” Hanzo whispered, moving so he was on his side next to Kuai Liang, pulling him close. “You’re okay. I’m here. I will always be here. I won’t leave you. Rest, love, you need it.”

He spent the rest of the night, holding Kuai to him, stroking his hair, and whispering assurances into his ear, until Kuai finally fell asleep.

----------------------------------------------------

Hanzo awoke with his arms still around Kuai. Kuai’s eyes were half open, like he’d only just come around himself. They stared at each other for a few moments.

“Good morning,” Hanzo finally greeted, “how are you feeling?”

“Relieved,” Kuai admitted quietly, “for having the truth finally out there. For you still being here.”

“I promise I am not going anywhere,” Hanzo sighed softly, and lent to kiss Kuai’s temple. “There are still questions I have, but they can wait. I’m glad getting this off your chest finally has helped you.”

Kuai was quiet, shifting so he was sitting up against the headboard. Hanzo stayed in his position, although propped his head up on his hand.

“There is still one more thing I want to tell you about now, though.” Hanzo felt his heart drop a little. What more could there possibly be? “I have a trunk. It’s in the wardrobe.” Hanzo had seen the trunk before, but he’d left it alone, figuring it was just extra storage for Kuai’s clothing. “It has some of Sektor’s old belongings in it.” Hanzo felt himself shift slightly, although he hadn’t really meant to. “I had no intention to keep them, but as times gone on, they’ve just sort of stayed there, because I can’t bare to look at them long enough to dispose of them.”

Hanzo pushed himself off the bed, walking over to the wardrobe. He opened the doors, and saw the trunk. He grabbed it and pulled it out. It was absolutely covered in dust, so Kuai’s claim’s of avoiding it were true at least. He considered opening it, having a look to see if there was anything useful in there. As he looked across the room, Kuai was pointedly not looking in his direction anymore. Clearly just seeing the trunk was bad enough, no point pouring more salt into the wound by routing through it.

Besides, he had a feeling he knew why Kuai had brought it up.

“Do you want to dispose of it?” He asked, and Kuai Liang nodded his head. Hanzo stared at it, trying to think the best way to get rid of it for good. Well, it is wood. And wood did tend to make good kindling. “Do you want to burn it?”

Kuai pursed his lips for a second, before lowly replying “yes, I think I do.”

They didn’t say another word. They both took their time to wash up and get dressed, and once they were ready, Hanzo hauled the trunk in his arms. He silently followed Kuai through the corridors, the only words spoken was Kuai to a few members of his clan, asking that the courtyard be left empty for an hour or so, and that he would give the word when it was okay to go back out there.

Hanzo set the trunk down in the centre of the courtyard, waiting for Kuai to stand a safe distance away. Kuai just stared as Hanzo lit a fire in his hands.

“Last chance to back out,” Hanzo claimed, as Kuai took a deep breath.

“Do it,” replied in a resolved tone. Hanzo did not have to be told twice.

Hanzo held his hand out, waiting for the flame to take to the wood. When he was sure it was alight, he moved his hand away, and walked to stand beside Kuai. The trunk started burning, flames spreading along it’s structure. Kuai watched intently, his face blank but tears welling in his eyes. Hanzo reached out and took his hand, immediately noticing how tightly Kuai held it.

“Are you okay?” He asked, even though he already knew the answer.

“Yes,” Kuai whispered. An obvious lie but not one Hanzo was willing to call him out on right now. “Good riddance.”

Good riddance indeed.

They didn’t move, until the fire stopped burning, and the mementos of Sektor were nothing but ash.

[loveisalwaystheanswer]

I wanted to update my answer and write some of my thoughts out of it into a different post.

I was making gifs of Tommy from series 1 and found myself thinking of how he's changed and not in a good way.

When I saw 3.04 episode for the first time my heart broke. I remember myself feeling enormous fury towards Tommy. And it felt like I was living Grace who found out that Tommy was cheating on her. Just imagine. I wanted to ripe him into pieces in the moment when he allowed Tatiana to wear his coat that Grace was wearing during their wedding day. I wanted to cry so much (and I did) when he allowed her to stay in their room, use her perfume and had sex with her in there. It. Just. Broke. Me. I was in pain. Literally. For me it was the worst moment in the show. No kidding. I know she's a manipulative woman, I know he's grieving and she uses it, but also he is not a dog to obey. Of course I accepted it and understood it later. But I think this is the moment when I started to not give a fuck about his love life. Because since then it all had spiraled into abyss. My heart has been broken by this show so many times times and there were hardly a few moments to mend it.

I have my otp and I will never accept someone else because I don't think SK is capable to write it good and right and with respect to Grace's legacy.

I remember myself feeling sympathy for him till that episode. But since then I can occasionally feel sorry for him and that's all. No more sympathy. I was just so pissed off. Yes, I have the explanations of his behaviour, but not excuses. Not anymore. Nah. He acts like an asshole since Grace's death. Maybe it's time to bear some responsibility for your actions, no? Yes, he's traumatized. But it doesn't mean he can treat people around him like shit. He became the main whore, the main villain of this story. I know how hard it is to separate his actions from Cillian Murphy's handsomeness as Thomas Shelby. His charisma overshadowes his brutal, selfish, disgusting actions. Tommy Shelby from s1 bewitched me since the very first time I saw him so this why it's so devastating for me to see him turning into what he is turning into.

And all of this shit is so disappointing. Because I remember him in series 1. Oh gosh, how good he was! Do you remember how he cared for those people who are close to him? Do you remember him being vulnerable? Do remember him being cared about losing the horse? I love series 1 so much and I keep saying it all the time. It's a masterpiece for so many reasons. But Tommy Shelby s1 is its treasure. Complex, deep, contradictory and sensitive character. And in some way more open not only to people around him, but to the audience too. Yes, he did bad things too but you could still understand his motivation and feel sorry for him. Because we've been able to see his vulnerable and broken side. He had good intentions in general without his swollen God Complex that we've seen in s5 and his "empty throne". He was a man who cared for people. A good man who does bad things.

Now it feels like he is just a walking suffering shell. He is literally not here. Drowned into his pain and suffer. Living, but not alive. "I don't like the fucking life", "Do you feel anything? You talk as if you're watching everything on a screen". He uses his own family to achieve what he's set out to achieve without actually caring about them.

While I was writing all this stuff I've catched myself thinking that I would like to see him at WWII. Because somehow it suits him more than his semi-civilian life. He told it himself before while he was burying his horse: “Dangerous, my beautiful horse. Too wild to race. Wouldn’t take the reins or the whip. Should have been a war horse. Got tired of the pasture. Couldn’t stick the peace and quiet, gave up on life… and is now free.”

I enjoyed seeing his communications with Barney in s5. He reeeally knows how to get through to his men. And he seems more real, you know? It's been a pleasure to watch. So yes, I wanna see him at WWII but without all the women who - god only knows why - can't resist the charming twitching thing in his pants. I'm actually tired of that part of the plot.

1/2 (x)

[deaneverafter]

Super Foxes

In all honesty, I do have thoughts, and most of them are, what is happening here?

Beau and Jenny getting sent off on separate cases when they need each other the most, it's just sad and cruel 😭💔 Them not letting Beau be there for when she's hurt, emotionally and physically, unfair to both of them. Making him get tangled up with irrelevant blah blah, for no reason than to revolve him, a season main character, around guest characters..... rude. Imagine making your main relationship have only one scene in an episode, just to waste time on irrelevant character's blah blah 😡😒

My poor guy literally sitting guard, I love him so much, and he deserves better that Carla and Emily 🥺💟 Emily needs to..... stop. Just stop. Let Carla in more?? So she could use that information and his feelings and trauma against Beau even more? I think not. She needs to stop sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong, talking about things she has no idea about 😒 And contrary to popular belief, forcing people to discuss their trauma before their ready, is not helpful. Talking to you, Emily McCallister 😒 Since she loves Avery so much, she should definitely ask him to protect you, not Beau, leave him alone. Like, go back to her real dad, who she actually enjoys spending time with, whose every behaviour she has an excuse for, while Beau merely existing is a capital crime. Also, on top of all the blaming for the divorce, complaining about Randy, making him feel bad for not sharing, at the ending, when Denise says your dad won't let anything happen to you, and she made that face and said "can we talk about something else?" It's so shady, it's rude. And it's not the first time, in 3x01, when Sunny said "he sounds like a good dad", she had the same reaction. He's literally going after cartel people, on no sleep, to protect her. He's putting his life in danger. And this ingrate is like "ugh, he's the worst. I love Avery so much, uwu". And don't think I missed her reaction when Beau said he didn't know what Carla sees in Avery. Meaning Emily does. In her mind, abandoning Beau for grieving and getting hitched with Avery right away, 10/10 excellent move on Carla's part. Anyway, forcing people to talk about things they're not ready to can actually be quite harmful 😢 And it's just disrespectful to make someone feel bad for how they choose to grieve, so there's that too. And that conversation with Emily did nothing but make Beau unfairly punish himself more. First, she took Avery's side, even though Beau is literally putting his life in danger because of Avery, and because of Emily and Carla. Like, yes, Avery messed up, but let's not act like Carla has no culpability. And then, she brought up Randy, even though she knows it's hard for him. THEN she blamed him for the divorce. Like? What is wrong with her.? Clearly she thinks of Avery more as her dad than she ever has Beau, or she wouldn't be defending him, after people died, Beau is having to put his life in danger because of Avery's actions and Carla dragging him into it. But this isn't a surprise to me frankly.

Beau predicting the bad guy's move and that spin was hawt 🥰❤ as was Beau being angry 🥰👀 The only complaint I have is that Beau's anger is wasted on being on Emily and Carla's behalf 🙄🙄 They don't deserve his time or help or concern.

People saying "how dare Avery call them *his* family?! 😡", forgetting that Avery dares because not just Carla, but also Emily, treats Avery more like family than they ever have Beau. Which is just another reason Beau will always deserve better than them ☕ And the reason Avery saying that struck such a nerve with Beau is because in his heart he knows that Emily and Carla never loved him, still don't care about him, are okay to use him as a human shield to protect Avery and their family, love Avery unlike him. Not just Carla, but also Emily, treats Avery more like family than they ever have Beau. Which is just another reason Beau will always deserve better than them ☕

Beau and Jenny both risking their lives for people who don't care about them, constantly betray them, just because both of them are that good, loyal and loving, it's just one more reason they belong together 🥺 My heart broke for Jenny when I thought Gigi really said better you than me, after Jenny came to rescue her and even was ready to throw the game. Jenny doesn't deserve that, to be betrayed and hurt over and over again. But hey, at least that particular move was a ruse, Gigi at least cares if Jenny lives or dies, which is more than can be said about Emily and Carla's feelings about Beau. All they care about is themselves and their perfect life with Avery 😒 Another sad thing, on top of the fact that Jenny needed Beau there, and he got shipped off is that the story with Gigi and the cult was so creepy! Only it got ruined for me when Beau got cut out to go have a subplot of being put down for the whole episode 😢 He'd promised they'd fix it together, she deserved to have him there, and he deserved to show her how much he cares. Jenny and Cassie, they're family, always will be, and their moments were sweet 🥺💛

Full offense, but it's sickening how the narrative is blaming Beau for grieving. I hate this so much 😡 It's Carla who spent their marrige being mean, left him when he was grieving in a matter of weeks, divorced him, met and married a new guy within a year, uprooted everyone, forced Beau to leave behind what support he did have left, and continues to put Beau down. SHE failed their marriage, not Beau, and he deserves to learn that. I'm not even exaggerating right now, if Carla and her behaviour has seriously gotten it ingrained in Beau that his partner dying on the job was his fault, that grieving meant he deserved to be thrown out like trash, this is serious gaslighting and toxicity. And if the writers are willing to show this, show this storyline and behaviour, which they clearly are, it deserved to be treated with more respect and care. Grieving does not make you evil, it doesn't mean you deserve to be punished. Which is unfortunately what it's coming across as at the moment, and I can only hope that they can fix this by showing Beau actually letting go of this unfair guilt and blame (though that's looking unlikely, if we're wasting the next two episodes on Emily). Even the language points to the fact that this is manipulation. "I wasn't there for you. And I wasn't there for Emily." HE WAS GRIEVING! It wasn't his job to be there, for once he was the one who needed support and instead they left him, made him feel like he was wrong for grieving and needing support. And then Carla had the nerve to say "I forgive you". She should be begging for his forgiveness for abandoning him! "I forgive you", this is how abusers convince victims they deserve the abuse and then that the abuser is so benevolent by "forgiving". The Stockholm Syndrome vibes are too real. And I think it's important to realize that Carla hasn't suddenly realized the error of her ways. She's still manipulating him, saying things like I forgive you (as in, it WAS your fault), she's just not spitting explicit venom with every word because she needs Beau to be a human shield for her and Avery and Emily (though that one Beau would do anyway). And people be like, oh, maybe Carla was there for him for SO LONG. Considering that Carla had divorced Beau, met and married a new guy, and moved across the country after a year of Randy dying, she really couldn't have tried THAT hard to help Beau or be there for him. She would've left Beau mere weeks after Randy died. She'd decided within this time that he had already been grieving too much for too long. Things got very difficult for Beau after he lost his partner. But Carla wasn't there to witness that or have that affect her. All she did is contribute to his existing trauma, and manipulate him into feeling worse, into believing that she was the victim.

The way Beau is still here having concern for this woman who abandoned him, it shows the kind of man he is (better than she deserves). But it does not mean that he's in love with her, we've seen the opposite, and it doesn't mean he should go back to an abusive marriage. Plus, Emily went and confirmed Carla is a gold digger, so there's that too..... ☕ Plus, Carla has been hanging off of Beau (while still demeaning him), not because she loves him but she wants to make sure he never moves on, so he comes running whenever she needs, sacrifices everything of his own, never has his own life. And she's been cozying up to Beau, even though she's still married to Avery, the "fight" happened just a week ago... tell me she wasn't involved and cheating while married to Beau. Anyway, Beau deserves better than to be treated like trash, victim blamed, and then to be sent back to someone who only sees him as a backup choice. And also, why did Beau look like he was being held at gunpoint to say that cursed line? He wasn't even looking Carla in the eye. Maybe it's just the utter absence of chemistry between these two characters, but I think it was a deliberate choice. Considering everything in the season, having seen Beau's feelings for Jenny at their clearest last episode, there's just no way it makes sense for the chat with the evil ex to be a romantic and not familial thing. It doesn't follow from what we've seen. Big Sky TV, there's still time to not send Beau back to an abusive marriage (and ruin his whole story). Just saying.... It almost reads like he's stuck because of how they manipulated him, made him feel like the villain for grieving, punished him by leaving, and because of that, he's erroneously equated forgiveness with things going back to how they were. And that that's why he's forcing himself this way, saying this, doing everything they want, etc. Which is very sad. Especially when he doesn't need forgiveness from them. An actual interesting arc would've been him realizing that, healing and moving on...... but alas, that would require paying attention to the main characters, and not revolving everything around Emily and Carla. It's giving very "Yes, I love all the characters!. Carla. Emily. Emily. Carla. Emily. Carla. Carla. Carla. Emily. Denise. Poppernak. Cassie. Emily. Carla. Carla. Carla. Sunny. Carla. Carla. Donno. Tonya. Carla. Cormac. *looks at smudged writing on hand* Bob and John." vibes. I don't know, maybe a more appropriate title than Deadly Trails might have been Big Sky: The McCallisters take Montana, starring Carla, Emily and Avery 🙄 The main characters whomst, Jenny and Beau, we don't know them. The universe revolves around these three 🙃

What I also hate about this a lot is that the relationship Beau has with Carla and Emily is written as abusive. They're cruel and condescending to him, Carla gaslights and manipulates him. It's just not being acknowledged as such and that's messed up. Like, I really don't think in this time and place, we need a story where a good man, a good human, who does nothing but help people, protect them, is punished and blamed for having emotions or sent back to an abusive family. Abuse is abuse regardless of who the target is 😔 I can't believe we're in the year 2023, and abusive family dynamics are being glorified, when a much healthier and interesting story would've been Beau actually realizing that his daughter and ex are toxic and standing up for himself, and healing. They made Beau have a revelation that you can't run after people who don't love you, every relationship has to be a two-way street, even blood, maybe especially blood. And then made him revolve around the two people in this world who care about him the least, treat him the worst 😡

THE HUGG 🥰🥰🥰🥰 Literally the only part in the episode that didn't feel ooc and sad. Jenny's whispered "thanks for being here" and Beau's "try and stop me"

🥺🥰💓💕 They love each other so much, I wish they'd take the story where it should be and let them be happy together 😔

And also, as far as the overarching story and episode goes, I need Beau and Jenny to have a heart to heart so she can tell him he wasn't wrong for needing to grieve Randy, that needing time didn't mean he deserved to be abandoned in the span of a few weeks, that he doesn't need anyone's forgiveness but his own 🥺💔 And when do we get a scene of Jenny telling Beau about what happened with Gigi and Beau telling Jenny about what he's been dealing with with the theft? 🥺 They're each other's safe place, I think the sheriff partners need to talk it out and we need cute scenes of them 💕

Realistically speaking, however, I really can't fathom, if this is going where it seems to be going, they're going to screw over both Jenny and Beau? Screw over their lead a third time.? While also screwing over a season main character? Jenny Hoyt deserves better than that, to be left behind a third time. And Beau deserves better than this mess, it'd be so ooc. He'd never spend all season getting closer to Jenny the way he has if he had feelings for the crazy ex. And, it would break the narrative so hard, in none of their scenes together, does Beau look or act in love. Sad, insulted, demeaned. Not in love, though. And then there's the vaccum of zero chemistry, it just makes no sense to send him back with Carla. His chemistry, his story, the trust and partnership and happiness, that's all there with Jenny. Ripping that apart, it's cruel to Jenny and to Beau, it's unfair to Beau as a character, and it's disrespectful to Jensen and Katheryn, who've spent all season building this relationship, making the dynamic between Beau and Jenny real, trusting, complex.

In conclusion, I don't know what's happening here.

[swissmissficrecs]

Favorite Sherlock Holmes fics from 2020

Usually I put a bunch of explanations and disclaimers on these lists but you know what, it was a weird year and I’m not going to try to justify or apologize for what I read or didn’t read so here are my favorites that were completed last year, in descending order of length:

and your very flesh shall be a great poem by CaitlinFairchild (151K, E, Johnlock) After a tragic confrontation with terrible consequences, Sherlock and John follow Mary as she flees to America.

Drawn to Stars by Silvergirl (107K, E, Johnlock, Sherlock/OMC) After the Culverton Smith case Sherlock is clean, working, and looking for a romantic partner—since John has told him that’s what he needs. Shame John didn’t mention he was interested in that role himself, before Sherlock went off to Rome with a gorgeous Italian copper to try to fall in love and become a complete human being. (This one is very slightly cheating because it was finished on 30 Dec 2019, but it didn't make it onto my 2019 list because I didn't read it until after I'd made the list. And it deserves to be on a Best Of list, so here it is.)

Thermocline by J_Baillier (83K, M, Johnlock) John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Do No Harm by Calais_Reno (79K, T, Johnlock) In 1923, Dr John Watson is on trial for the murder of his lover, Mary Morstan, a writer of popular mysteries. If convicted, he will hang. Sherlock Holmes sets out to prove his innocence, but finds himself more and more infatuated with the handsome doctor, and deeper and deeper inside the bohemian world of London's painters, playwrights, and poets. Will he uncover the evidence needed to acquit him in time?

To Be Human by ohlooktheresabee (78K, NR, Johnlock) There is a serial killer on the loose with a penchant for collecting the brains of his victims. Sherlock, John and Scotland Yard are on the case, but something about the chosen victims has Sherlock on edge. While they piece together the clues that will lead to the killer, John begins to realize that the way his best friend thinks may sometimes be more a hindrance than a help….

immediate and inglorious by simplyclockwork (72K, E, Johnlock) Bodies are showing up in back alleys, with no sign of a struggle, no trace of drugs. If not for the strangulation bruises on their necks and the scythe carved into their left shoulders, they could have died peacefully, in their sleep. With New Scotland Yard dumbfounded by the Grim Reaper Killer case, Sherlock is called in to consult. The more he investigates, the deeper Sherlock finds himself drawn into the work of London's newest serial killer. As his views of good and bad begin to blur, he risks losing himself to a darkness he never imagined. And, even more pressing: where does John Watson, grieving ex-boyfriend of the Grim Reaper's latest victim, fit into all of this?

Curtain Rising by tiger_in_the_flightdeck (61K, E, Johnlock) A disgraced television star is the target of a series of death threats just after a theatre production’s adaptation of The Sound of Music is announced with her as the lead. The suspect list is a mile long and growing, Rosie Watson is in the spotlight, and Sherlock might be getting too fond of his time on stage to focus on the case. With opening night approaching, can he and John figure out who wants their client dead before her final curtain rises?

The Fire Finds a Home by fearfully_beautifully_made (61K, E, Johnlock) After Sherlock and John decide to give having a relationship a go, this is how their relationship starts to develop. There a little bit of plot, if you squint, but it was mostly an excuse to write John and Sherlock having sex in a lot of different ways and learning to love each other.

Borrowed Ghosts by DiscordantWords (57K, M, Johnlock) In the aftermath of the Culverton Smith case, John spent one painfully stilted afternoon hanging out with Sherlock. He counted the minutes, finished his tea, and left for home without ever clearing the air between them. And once he'd left, he found it very hard to go back.

You Might Just as Well Be Blind by ArwaMachine (56K, E, Johnlock) When a serial killer starts targeting couples, Sherlock and John must do what they have to do in order to get to the bottom of things. Unfortunately, John already has a girlfriend. Surely pretending to be in a relationship with Sherlock won't pose any problems with his relationship, will it?

The Broken Tether by J_Baillier (54K, M, Johnlock) Maybe he thinks that you only enjoy his company because of the Work, because of the way his dazzling intellect shines when he's in his element, but the truth is this: it is when he is at his most human, most bare, that you feel closest to him.

how the light gets in by subtext-is-my-division (Quill_A)  (54K, E, Johnlock) Red wine always makes him tipsier than usual and he finds himself saying, the words slurring a bit. “You know, I’ve got to ask. Do you always shoot cabbies for people you barely you know?” John meets his gaze over the rim of his glass, and there’s something there that Sherlock can’t pin down. “Not for everyone,” he says, meaningfully, pointedly, his smile all teeth.

Erosion by saintscully (53K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock’s father falls ill, leaving the surviving family members broken and rudderless. James Sholto shows up in London unexpectedly, his intentions unclear. John has to navigate the consequences of crime, illness and death and their impact on his frayed relationship with Sherlock.

Hold You Like a Weapon by MissDavis (52K, E, Johnlock) Eurus shows up at 221B Baker Street in labour. Things go downhill from there.

Chances Are by Berty (51K, M, Johnlock) Sherlock is spending some time in his mind palace - so far, so normal. But why is John there, why do things keep changing and why are there only two exits from the sitting room at 221B, neither of which seem to go anywhere useful? It's a case like no other for Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.

Sine Nomine by SilentAuror (45K, E, Johnlock) As Mycroft reviews the footage from Culverton Smith's morgue, he revisits his original question: whether John Watson would be the making of his brother, or make him worse than ever. He's come to a conclusion, but decides to give John one last chance. So he gives him a choice.

Cockaigne by HollyShadow88 (38K, E, Johnlock) When John’s contacted by an old uni friend about problems in his new art exhibition, he doesn’t think it will be worth Sherlock’s time. After a glance of the crime scene, however, they’re both pulled into the project in ways John didn’t expect. Will a week of erotic performance art finally be enough to bring them together in the way they both secretly hope? (Spoiler: it’s a tropey fic, of course it will)

Written in Ashes by 88thParallel (37K, M, Johnlock) Sherlock becomes the prime suspect in a homicide case, and recently unearthed memories of his childhood are complicating matters. It's up to John to track down answers — can he help Sherlock before it's too late?

A Desperate Indulgence by LollipopCop (34K, M, Johnlock) John thinks it's 2012 after waking up with amnesia, having no memory of Mary. Sherlock, exhausted from years of tension and hiding his love, pretends they got married instead.

Inhale With Ease by Vulpesmellifera (25K, E, Johnlock) In the years after Vivian Norbury's capture, life seems to work out just as John planned. He's got that respectable job at the surgery and goes home to his wife and child. He joins Sherlock on cases a couple times per week. It's a rhythm he can live with - just enough adrenaline highs to balance out the drudgery of a normal bloke's life. Until a pandemic, and Victor Trevor, arrive in London.

The House on Rue des Boulangers by Berty (24K, M, Johnlock) After being invalided out of the army and without any other prospects, John Watson has relocated to a small town in northern France. Now he has to decide what to do for the rest of his life. One morning there's a mad stranger in his garden chasing a swarm of bees, and it seems John's decision is made.

High Mountain Tea Leaves by disfictional (23K, E, Johnlock) A mountaintop robbery on a Japanese-occupation-era train where the only item stolen was a small case of mysterious tea leaves in a backpack? An ideal Christmas gift, two days late. Sherlock convinces John to travel for tea.

Detours by saintscully (22K, M, Johnlock, Sherlock/OMC) During the better part of the first year following Mary's death and the events at Sherrinford, Sherlock and John are slowly rebuilding their lives and their friendship. All seems (relatively) well and John takes comfort in once again being a father, a doctor and a friend. An unexplained shift in Sherlock's behaviour catches John by surprise, and he begins to worry about his place in his friend's life. John has to examine everything he thought he knew about Sherlock, himself and their relationship in order to win his rightful place yet again.

hands full of matter by simplyclockwork (21K, E, Johnlock) When Sherlock is captured in Serbia, Mycroft cannot afford to involve the British government in his rescue. Instead, he sends John. After two years spent thinking Sherlock was dead, John finds himself navigating not only Sherlock’s rescue but their fractured friendship as well.

The Victim Experience by J_Baillier (16K, T, Gen) A case takes Sherlock and John deep into the seedy underbelly of the haunted attractions industry. With audiences craving more and more intense experiences, is a real murder the next logical step?

On the Fence by BeautifulFiction (13K, T, Johnlock) The murder of the King's College fencing champion leads to revelations about Sherlock's past. Will it be the point that tips them from friends to lovers, or will they remain on the fence?

Plus bonus ACD era:

"Baker Street: The Sleep of Reason": A Memoir by John H. Watson, M.D. by Gaedhal (98K, M, Johnlock, Johniarty) This is a Victorian Era story in the "Sherlock Holmes" (2009) Ritchie-verse. The main characters are Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson and is from the doctor's memoirs. It was written before "A Game of Shadows" so there are differences in this story and film canon, mainly in the person and backstory of one particular character.

The Taste of Truth by sanguinity (25K, T, Johnlock) Two and a half years after Reichenbach, John Watson discovers the magical tree that caused Holmes to fake his death.

The Adventure of the Vatican Cameos by Garonne (18K, E, Johnlock) How should one behave when waking for the first time in the bed of one's dearest friend? Holmes and Watson solve a case in Catholic London while navigating the turbid waters of their new relationship.

Hot Water by wordybirdy (13K, E, Johnlock, Watson/Gregson) Dr. John Watson's libidinous affair with a respected Scotland Yard inspector abruptly judders to a halt when the former meets a certain Mr. Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective, for the very first time. The attraction between the two is strongly mutual, but misunderstandings only multiply and tensions abound, as all three men attempt to deal with the new situation.