#i get it that its annoying having her fur all over bc she has black fur in your light beige carpet
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altruistic-meme · 7 months ago
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i think im going to need a moment of not opening messages right now. im going to read stormbringer instead.
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breeeliss · 2 years ago
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#LockedTombtober Day 6: Animal
a/n: short one today. life is busy and sucky so im falling further behind but oh well, you’ll just keep getting these into november
also i feel like i write in gideon’s POV a lot but it’s bc gideon’s brain is my brain lol
//
day 6: animal
griddlehark
// 
she names the stupid thing Stasia which is way more than it deserves. 
a mean tomb rat shouldn’t have such a regal name, but of course if Harrow is going to give anything a name it’s going to be the most ninth house name on the planet. and of course something that mean is going to adore Harrow. 
pets aren’t a thing in the ninth house because a pleasant existence isn’t a thing in the ninth house. it’s impossible for weak things to survive. rats are about the only things that persist in spite of the odds, and it’s always been an annoyance. they nip at your fingers if your hand dangles over the edge of your cot, and sometimes you’ll turn a dark Drearburh corner and accidentally find a small colony of them. they’re not enjoyable, and the only thing that keeps Gideon from stomping on them is that they might jump her in retaliation.
but Stasia is incomprehensibly tame, settled on Harrow’s shoulders as she stalks through the halls and hidden in her pockets as Harrow runs daily service. at meals, Harrow spills droplets of snow leek soup onto the waxy surfaces of the table for Stasia to lap up, and when Gideon passes by Harrow’s study, Stasia is curled up on one of her piss old books. it’s small in comparison to the bigger, nastier rats you find in the bowels of the castle, and has fur that’s a vivid, deep black. it always reminds Gideon of what Harrow would look like if she were a rat. 
but that’s not even the annoying part. the annoying part is that Harrow is a massive, raging, fantabulous bitch. a bitch that sneers, picks fights for no reason, scratches your eyes out as kids when you fight, and does nasty shit like get skeletal constructs to push Gideon down the last six steps of a steep staircase. and yet somehow, Harrow often pets Stasia gently with just the tip of her index finger and actually smiles when the thing lifts its head to meet it. somehow, Harrow makes a point to keep small bits of food scraps in her pockets to feed Stasia without even a thought. at this point, Gideon wouldn’t be surprise if the damn thing sleeps in Harrow’s room. 
Harrow treats a fucking rat with more kindness than she treats Gideon. 
not that Gideon needs Harrow’s kindness. she’ll sooner take a sword to the gut than bother with pining for something from someone so terrible. but it nags at her. it nags at her mostly because Gideon had gone through their whole life thinking Harrow a literal psychopath. knowing now that there’s softness in Harrow’s touch -- knowing that she fusses, cares, and smiles -- is excruciating. 
so there was an honest moment where Gideon considers leaving the rat alone when she discovers its leg pinched in the rusted hinge of a door -- probably too slow racing through the gap before the wind blew it shut. its a weak, small thing that would’ve probably died had Harrow not been taking care of it. survival of the fittest and all that when it comes to the ninth house. 
but the pained squeaking makes Gideon’s heart shrivel, and she swoops in to save the stupid thing. 
Stasia doesn’t bite and doesn’t wriggle. she lets Gideon take her to the kitchens to steal whatever flimsy is left in the dusty cabinets and wrap it around her leg with clumsy fingers. Gideon isn’t sure if it’s enough to make sure it doesn’t die from the injury, but Stasia’s nose nudges against Gideon’s palm, so she hopes it’s enough for now. she plucks whatever crumbs are left in her pockets and holds it out for Stasia to nibble on. 
and that’s how Harrow finds her, on the floor of the kitchens and tending to her pet. she’s not breathless or panicked, but there’s a pinch in her already pointed face. her eyes pause on Gideon and Stasia and her shoulders, which were already bunched when she sees Gideon’s face, drop with relief. 
“you found her...” Harrow breathes out. 
Gideon cups her hands around Stasia’s body and holds her out. “her leg was pinched in a door. i wrapped it as best I could, but if you have some spooky, creepy necromancy shit up your sleeve that’d be nice.” 
maybe Gideon shouldn’t judge Harrow for scrambling to pull Stasia in her hands and checking her over like her parents never did for her. it’s so hard to find things that love you back in this awful place. Drearburh, as much as Harrow puts her literal life blood into keeping it alive, shows no interest in returning the favor. but a mangy little tomb rat does. it would be pathetic if Gideon didn’t somehow also understand that need. 
Gideon locks eyes with Harrow who looks like she might have a compliment sitting on her tongue that seems more pleasant to chew over rather than speak aloud. but Harrow does something else that Gideon thinks may actually be worse -- she lays a hand on Gideon’s head and gently brushes her fingers through her locks so briefly that Gideon wondered if it was a hunger hallucination. but as Harrow turns her back, she leaves Gideon with a small whisper before rushing out. 
“I appreciate you taking care of her.” 
it’s so hard to find things that love you back in this awful place. so Gideon can only be angry with herself as her chest tightens delightfully at the newest glimpse of kindness hidden somewhere deep in Harrowhark Nonagesimus. 
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dannyphantom-rewrite · 4 years ago
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What's "how to get to cracker barrel" ?
What's "how to get to cracker barrel" ?
Oh now that, that one isn't Actually a wip. It's a short story I finished ages ago that later ended up being inspiration for one of the plotlines in an anthology style audio drama podcast I want to make some day. There's 4 main characters:
The Mckellen sisters Jamie and Lady who aren't Actually sisters but pass rather well for twins since one of them is actually a changeling, Natalie Anderson, photographer and lady's GF, and Gavin Walker, a mage still haunted by the death of his fiance, Caleb Adams, mostly due to the fact that his fucking ghost won't leave him alone.
Art by @unded-bun (click image for higher quality)
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I'm leaving out a lot of details, but I'd be happy to fill in the gaps if anyone asks.
I'll Also throw the story itself under a read more here, bc I'm still super proud of it even though it's a few years old now.
A small hotel on the outskirts of Savannah, Georgia. There is a Sonic Drive-in across the busy street. Bright neon lights in the window state, “Open 24/7!” A Greyhound bus is idling in the parking lot. A man, Gavin Walker, climbs off and crosses over to the hotel. He walks easily, but not confidently. Approaching the hotel’s entrance, he spots a cat eating from a plastic bowl in front of the door. The feline is small, and feral. He is black, with white paws. He does not pay Gavin any mind as he enters, only continuing to crunch on dry cat food.
There's a desk on the left side of the lobby. The receptionist smiles kindly as he checks in. Her eyes are tired. Gavin gives her a knowing nod, and travels deeper into the building. There is a sign marked, “Out Of Order.” on the elevator. This is a good thing. Gavin takes the stairs, of which there are three flights. This is also a good thing, because three is a good number. He enters the hallway, which is old, and worn. The walls bear chipped yellow paint, and the floor, faded red carpet. Gavin continues down the hall after checking the time on his phone. It is exactly 11:59PM. He turns the device off and begins to count the seconds. At sixty he has stopped in front of the elevator. The fluorescent light above him flickers. The elevator does not have an out of order sign on it. It is the same elevator as before. Gavin enters.
He presses the button for the first floor. In the lobby the check in desk is now on the opposite side of the room. The lights are off, the receptionist is gone. It is daytime outside now. The bus is gone and the Sonic is closed. The road is vacant. There is a cat outside. She is white, with black paws. She looks up at Gavin as he approaches. They lock eyes, and he kneels in front of her.
“Hello, cat.” He says.
“Hello, Mage.” Says the cat.
She flicks her tail, “What is it you seek?”
“Direction.”
She nods and stands, before making for the road. The Sonic across the street is closed, but it was never empty. A Sonic is not a sit down restaurant. Customers are expected to pull into a parking spot and order over an intercom, and then a waitress delivers their meal directly to their car. Gavin’s pretty sure places like Sonic were more common in the 1950’s, and he knows that drive in diners are a dying breed now a days. The thought gives him a strange sense of nostalgia for something he’d never actually experienced, and he shudders involuntarily.
The cat sits down in the parking spot furthest from the building. She watches as he presses the the button on the intercom, listens, ears swiveling, as they are greeted with static. Looking out of the corner of his eye, Gavin can see something moving within the darkened restaurant. An outline of a figure, only vaguely humanoid. The thing moves like a deranged ape, long, long arms dangling to the floor and dragging it forward. Its back is hunched, legs short and stumpy. Gavin can not see its face, and he does not wish to. The intercom crackles to life.
“WhAt can aH’ do fER ya’lL?” Drawls The Thing in the Sonic. It’s got a southern accent thicker than congeling visera, and the pitch of it’s voice fluctuates wildly. Gavin glances uncertainly at the cat, and she nods.
“I’m looking for Direction.”
“Ahhhhhh……” groans The Thing, “WEll, watch’ Yer goNna wanna dO is hEad doWn the road, bout maybeEEee…..foUr, five miLeS, an’ yer gOnna wanna look fer’ weEl, watch yer gonna wanna fiNd is soMeTHing’ idEaliZed, ya knOw? Like uh, somethin’ kinDa romanticized, an’ a liTtlE faKe in sOme senSe but reAlLy true in anOther, ya follow?”
“Yeah.” said Gavin, even though he did not follow at all.
“Yep,” Continued The Thing, “n’ yer gOnna wanna gEt yourself sOme rasPberRy lemONade when ya get theRe, It’s some gOod shit, lemme tell ya.”
“Alright, I’ll uh, I’ll do that.”
“Good, GoOd, That’s Good. Y'all have a niIiiccceee daaaaaay nooooow.” And then the intercom crackled once more, and returned to spewing static. Gavin released the button and looked around for the cat, hoping, maybe, for some more guidance, but she had long since abandoned him. He started walking down the road, away from the Sonic Drive-In, and The Thing inside, and hopefully towards where he needed to be.
Gavin started to think as he walked, which was not something he liked to do often. He much prefered to act in the moment without much consideration for the consequences of those actions until they themselves became the moment. Gavin did not like to think because he often thought much too deeply, and it sometimes scared him. Gavin thought about a lot of different things in quick succession, he thought about the missing greyhound bus, and The Thing in the Sonic, and wondered if the disappearance of one had to do anything with the appearance of the other. It probably did. He thought about what The Thing had told him to do, and why he was doing it. He thought about why he’d come here in the first place, to this inverted little section of Georgia. And he thought about Liminal Spaces, about busted elevators and darkened hotel hallways and empty stairwells. The air shifted suddenly as a pickup truck speed past him, it had a faded confederate flag on the back window.
Liminal Spaces, simply put, were the areas between one place and another. The small spots in the middle of point A and point B where reality seems to be altered in such a way that the change is almost imperceptible, and yet, it is still enough to leave you feeling so impossibly strange.
Liminal Spaces can also be doorways, if one knows how to properly open them.
Gavin isn’t sure how long he’s been walking down this empty stretch of road, but it’s been long enough that he can no longer see the Sonic Drive-in behind him. It’s not even a dot in the distance now, just gone, as though it were never there to begin with. He keeps going. He walks until his feet hurt, and his legs ache, and keeps going even after that. At some point he sticks his thumb out towards the road, tired enough to risk hitch-hiking, but no cars have gone by since the pickup truck. And at some point he takes a moment to rest. He sits down on the shoulder, and just breathes for a while. And then when he stands again, he sees the Cracker Barrel just down the road. Exhausted as he is, he knows it isn’t possible for him to not have seen it earlier. Gavin decides it’s best not to dwell on that, though, because this is exactly the kind of place where Cracker Barrels can just pop into existence. (Although, as he enters the restaurant, he remains somewhat annoyed that it couldn’t have decided to do it a little sooner.)
The front of the Cracker Barrel is a store selling all manner of things. There's a back corner full of vintage candy, a small section of organic make-ups, and another full of knick-knacks like salt and pepper shakers, and dreamcatchers, as well as the usual crap that tourists like to buy, T-shirts and mugs and what not. Gavin has never actually been in a “regular” Cracker Barrel, so he’s not sure if this is a completely normal thing, but he’s certain that a “regular” Cracker Barrel would not also be selling such wares as bottled crocodile tears and Unicorn meat slim jims. There aren’t a lot of people in the store, and yet Gavin finds it impossible to get a good look at any of them. The people look normal, but they move like extras in the background of a film. The only person in the room with any notable features is the waitress standing by the back. She’s short, and her hair and eyebrows have been dyed a vibrant blue. As Gavin follows her into the seating area he can't help but stare at her hair, and he finds himself thinking that it can’t possibly be dye, it’s too bright, somehow. She smiles at him as he sits, and her teeth are a just little too sharp.
Once he’s seated, she says, “Can I start you off with a drink?” Her voice has a pleasant, lilting tone to it.
Gavin thinks back to The Thing in the Sonic, “A Raspberry Lemonade? If that’s something you have here?”
She nods, and goes off to get him one. Gavin leans back in his chair and takes in his surroundings, trying to relax. The decor in the Cracker Barrel has a sort of vintage, rustic feel to it, there’s things like black and white photos, and old advertisements on the walls. All the furniture looks antique. There are quite a few other customers present. Most of them look like the same nondescript folk from the front, but a few stand out. There’s a woman in the back corner, she’s dressed in black furs and her head is an ember eyed wolf skull. She’s sitting across from a man with the skull of a stag upon his shoulders, the antlers adorned with ivy. There’s something resembling a giant moth sitting two tables away, slowly crunching its way through a Caesar salad. Occasionally, there’s a figure leaning against the kitchen doors, they look as though they’re made up of television static. Gavin’s eyes start to hurt from trying to look at them, so he turns his attention to the menu instead. The waitress returns with his Raspberry Lemonade, and he orders the Country Fried Shrimp.
Gavin takes a sip of his drink and finds that he agrees with the Thing in the sonic. It’s definitely some good shit.
“Funny seeing you around here, Gav.”
Gavin looks up from his drink, almost spills it in surprise.
“Is this seat taken?”
Gavin manages to shake his head.
Caleb Adams pulls out the chair across from him and sits. Gavin stares at him. He’s wearing a T-shirt that reads, “NORMAL HOROSCOPES: Making your day a little more magic whether you like it or not.” Gavin’s not sure if it’s supposed to be advertising for a psychic’s shop or if it’s some strange indie band he’s never heard of. Knowing Caleb, it’s probably the latter.
He finally manages to speak, “You’re dead.”
“Yeah?” Caleb leans an elbow on the table, and props his head up in his hand, his smile never wavers, “And?”
“And- and I don’t know, Fuck, I don’t know.”
The waitress briefly interrupts his existential crisis by depositing his Country Fried Shrimp on the table. Gavin looks down at it and tries to focus on the smell of greasy seafood instead of the dead man sitting across from him.
“You seem confused.” Caleb’s voice sounds uncharacteristically sympathetic.
Gavin nods.
He sighs, frowning “Eat your lunch, and then we’ll talk.”
Gavin eats what he can, but it’s a large portion, and he’s somehow not that hungry. He takes a final bite, and pushes the plate across the table, silently offering Caleb the rest of the shrimp.
The barest hint of a smile returns to his face, “Thanks, but no.” And then he’s frowning again, “Why’re you here, Gav?”
“I just went where I was told to-”
He shakes his head, “No. I don’t mean the friggin’ Cracker Barrel, I mean Here.”
And Gavin doesn’t really know what to tell him. That he’s here because he felt lost and desperate? That he didn’t know what to do anymore? That it doesn’t matter anyway because he’s fine, everything's fine and he’s just tired?
But he doesn’t tell Caleb any of that, he just says, “I miss you.” And he can’t keep his voice from cracking.
“I know you do.” Caleb places a hand over his, “But this is damn near one of the dumbest things you’ve ever done. You knew this place wouldn’t be safe for you.”
He feels numb, “I didn’t really care.”
“Gavin,” Caleb grips his hand now, “Look at me, please. I mean, really look at me.”
So he does, he looks up at him, and finally, meets his eyes.
They have not changed. Death has not reduced the amount of compassion behind them, nor faded the sea blue color. Gavin stares. Eyes are supposed to be a window into someone's soul, a way to truly see into them, and Gavin just stares because Caleb’s eyes are still capable of conveying so much, and he can feel tears running down his face…..
“It’s time to go home, Gav, okay?” He gestures to the window, and the Greyhound bus has pulled up, “Your ride's here.”
And Gavin knows has to force himself to look away and loosen his grip, and he can’t bring himself to.
“It’s alright.” He says, “It’s going to be alright. I’ll take care of the bill, Please just let go.”
And Gavin finally, Finally manages to tear himself away.
He does not feel anything but relief as he leaves, as he boards the bus and settles into a seat. He leans back, and watches through the window as the world shifts and shimmers and is suddenly dark and starry once more. As the Greyhound pulls out of the Sonic parking lot, Gavin closes his eyes, and slowly falls into the comfort of a deep, dreamless sleep.
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mar-bluu · 5 years ago
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How do you reckon Elmer and Buttons would react if Lucy got pregnant? Can just imagine how excited Elmer'd be, calling everyone like "im gonna be a grandad!"
Akdksoske ohmygosh okay!!! (This is gonna be my long, and incomprehensible ramblings, sorry!!)
So! One day Elmer's sitting in the kitchen eating his breakfast when Lucy walks in and just throws up right in front of him. Elmer's like "oh okay that's nice, you do that, yeah right in front of my toast, okay" and Lucy just walks out and leaves him to clean it up. So Elmer finishes up his toast and cleans up Lucy's mess when Buttons walks in. Elmer's like "Lucy threw up just before but i cleaned it up, so be careful, the floor might be wet." And Buttons goes "huh, she threw up yesterday as well." So they're a little concerned but chalk it up to her probably eating grass. The next day, however, when she throws up again, they're like "okay something might be wrong, let's take her to the vet" so they bundle her up in the car and drive down to the vets, Elmer's quietly freaking out because all he can think of is the absolute worst, and Buttons is trying to keep him calm, saying that its probably nothing as he tries to stay calm as well.
They pull up and head inside. As theyre sitting in the waiting room, Lucy throws up again, so the lady at the desk is like "okay, we should probably look at that like, now." So Lucy's brought into a side room and Buttons explains that she's been off her food and vomiting for the last few days. So the vet's like "is she spayed?" And Elmer and Buttons look at each other like "is she??" So they say that they're unsure and the vet's like "okay, well we're gonna do an ultrasound real quick" Lucy's whisked off to the back room for an ultrasound and now, Elmer's f r e a k i n g out. "Buttons, she could've eaten something really bad! What if she's been poisoned? Did we remember to give her her heartworm tablets? Did we check her for ticks!?" And Buttons is trying to stay calm and reassure Elmer, and theyre both too busy worrying about Lucy to notice the vet coming back. She opens the door to the two of them panicking, and just sets Lucy down on the examination table, waiting for Elmer and Buttons to notice. Lucy sits on the table with her tail wrapped around her paws and meows loudly. That gets their attention, and the turn to the table, holding each other's hands nervously. "Well," the vet starts "Lucy's gonna be just fine." Elmer and Buttons share a look of relief. "But," they begin to grow nervous again "you might wanna consider kiddie proofing the house, cause Lucy's gonna be a mama"
The two of them are completely silent, staring open mouthed between the vet and their cat, who stares proudly back. "What?" The vet just nods, giving Lucy a scratch behind her ears. "A mother of seven, actually. Or at least thats how many i can see." Buttons squeals excitedly as Elmer tackles him in a hug "we're gonna be grandparents!!" The vet laughs along before stepping them through the pregnancy process. She walks them to the counter and gives them a card to an all-hours house call vet who can help them if they're worried about or during birth. They thank the vet and bring Lucy home.
The second they got inside Elmer's on the phone to everyone telling them the good news as Buttons lectures Lucy about running off and getting pregnant. Everyone's so happy for them (especially Davey who's a big cat person, though he doesn't often show it and Mush who comes over as soon as possible with extra cat food and bedding) and Buttons and Elmer spend 110% of their attention on Lucy and making sure she's comfortable ("pregnant cats are called queens, Buttons, we should treat her like one!" "She has three beds stacked on top of each other and enough food to last her a life time, i dont think she needs another cat-box" "fine, but we need to get her a "world's best mum" cat bowl!")
Anyway! One morning at about 2:40 am Elmer wakes up to Buttons shaking his shoulder. "It's happening!" "What?" "It's happening!!" "Wha- oh, oh!" He springs out of bed as Buttons dials the emergency vet. Elmer sprints through the house, finding Lucy huddled in a corner, washing her fur. Elmer kept his distance, not wanting to annoy her, as he tried to keep his excitement quiet. Not too long after that the emergency vet arrived, following Buttons into the room. He said there wasnt a lot he can do, as Lucy seemed to be handling it very well, so they sat there and talked about Lucy, if this was her first litter, how well she'd been dealing with the pregnancy etc. They waited there for an hour and a bit, cooing over pictures of the vet's own kittens, before Lucy gave birth to the last of her kittens. The vet monitored Lucy for another half hour or so before heading off, ("make sure to take them to the vets within a week or two for a wellness check") and Elmer and Buttons move in closer for a look at the newest additions to their family. They count the kittens, finding another 2 the vet missed, and excitedly snap pictures and send them to their friends. As they continue to melt over the kittens, they notice that while a lot of them have the same black and white colourings of their mother, a few of them were a pretty orange, that looked suspiciously like the ginger cat who lived down the street. Buttons made a mental note to have a stern talking to with him the next time they saw him.
Already Elmer's thinking of names for the kitties, sending options to the groupchat (only Race is awake and his suggestions include Professor Cheeseball and Sir Meatball Daggertooth, which he reads out to Lucy who doesn't look too pleased with them) Buttons had already picked a name for one, Tigger, which they settled on giving to the biggest ginger fluffball. They settled on Gizmo for the kitty that looked like a little clone of his mum, then waited for the others to wake up and help (Race is officially banned from naming anything after suggesting Moldy Stink Rat) Elmer and Buttons sat on the couch and watched Lucy with her new babies, wrapped in each others arms, as they fall asleep listening to Lucy meow softly to her kittens.
After about three months, the kittens were all named (Tigger, Gizmo, Oreo, Luna, Willow, Sunny, Marmalade, Cedar, and after lots and lots and lots of pestering from his human counterpart, the last one was named Jack) and had their appropriate vet work done. Davey appointed himself as godfather and was over any time he could ("where are my babies? I want to see my babies!" *scoops up Gizmo* "And how's mama Lucy going?") Mush and Blink would come and visit them frequently too, always bringing little toys and things for the kittens to play with. Cedar had taken a real shine to Mush and Blink, and would always go running towards them whenever he heard their voices. (Elmer and Buttons had a feeling of who they wanted to give Cedar to when the time came) Jack couldn't come over as frequently as the others but would constantly text Elmer and Buttons for updates on Cat-Jack, and had a picture of his kitty twin in his wallet and would show it off proudly to anyone who asked.
Unfortunately come month 4, Buttons and Elmer had to make the tough decision of giving away their precious babies. Lucy was just as upset as the two of them, but they couldn't keep looking after all of them, they'd already lost a pair of shoes, two pillows and several cups and glasses. So they needed to make sure the kitties went to the best of homes. Naturally Davey offered to take two (Oreo and Marmalade), Katherine took Willow, Barney adopted Luna, and Albert got Sunny. Elmer and Buttons asked Blink and Mush if they wanted to take Cedar, but they were slightly hesitant as they didnt want him to be overwhelmed by all the other animals (though they seriously had to restrain themselves from accepting right away) So Elmer and Buttons held onto him (tho they had a feeling that in a month or so he'd be living on the farm) Jack obviously adopted mini him, and Gizmo and Tigger stayed with Buttons and Elmer
Every month or so, they would all organize a meet up together, usually at Buttons' and Elmer's house so Lucy could see her babies again, and have kitty hangouts. Lucy, Elmer and Buttons miss the other kittens a lot, but they're happy knowing that they're with good families and good homes :)
Also Lucy definitely got spayed after bc they couldn't deal w the heartbreak of giving away kittens again, and also to help keep kitties off the streets, and the cat from down the road got a very stern talking to
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professional-anti · 6 years ago
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Chapter Eleven: Magnus Bane
Okay, kiddos. Let’s go.
Jace and Clary leave the Brotherhood HQ, and Jace calls the cab driver a “brain-dead moron”. You know what, here’s the full quote:
Jace leaned forward and banged his hand against the partition separating them from the cab driver. “Turn left! Left! I said to take Broadway, you brain-dead moron!”
Oh, man, I’m so hot for Jace you guys. He’s so evil and cruel. I’m fanning myself. And the reason he wants to take Broadway? He wants breakfast. That’s it. It’s not a life-or-death situation. He wants fucking breakfast.
I like the idea of the diner they go to. A place where magical ppl can get together for some spaghetti. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but I LOVE the idea of a secret (or not-so-secret) magical Manhattan. It’s just so unfortunate that Clare’s is so bad.
Clarinet asks Jack-Jack about Magnus Bane. Jack-Jack explains that he’s a warlock. Alec shows up. Clare is the foreshadowing master.
Clary freaks out about a guy in front of the store who looks like a demon. Clary. Girl. Come on. You know about this stuff already. It’s been like two days. Calm down. Apparently he’s a bouncer (for a diner) and is the warlock equivalent of a squib.
Honesty, I love this diner. They have blood on tap!!!! That’s so cool!!!!!! Plus, the people eating there sound way more interesting than our MCs.
[A] boy with spiky blue dreads was sitting next to a beautiful Indian girl with long black hair and gauzelike golden wings sprouting from her back.
Gotta love how the only people of color are basically set-dressing, though. At least Simon is Jewish, even with the messed up antisemitic crosses-burned-into-him dream thing. Clare’s Jewish, though, so of course she represents only herself and leaves everyone else out in the cold.
Alec shows up:
There was a kinetic, almost feverish energy to [Alec] that hadn’t been there before. Something about Jace sharpened him, brought him into focus. If she were going to draw them together, she thought, she would make Jace a little blurry, while Alec stood out, all sharp, clear planes and angles.
Oh, here it is. The “poor gay boy only comes to life in front of hopelessly straight crush” trope. Bc Alec has nothing better to do than obsess over Jace, a boy who is currently being rude to the waitress. Does Clare honestly not know how annoying rude boys are?
Isabelle and Simon show up. Apparently, even Isabelle’s perfume is evil:
Isabelle’s hair tickled [Clary’s] face, smelling of some kind of vanilla perfume. Clary fought the urge to sneeze. She hated vanilla perfume. She’d never understood why some girls felt the need to smell like dessert.
Haven’t I mentioned? Clary is the best girl to ever girl. Isabelle can’t even order right. Instead of getting something reasonable, like a large order of coconut pancakes (gross, Clary), “Isabelle fastidiously order[s] a fruit smoothie”.
Jace goes off to flirt with the waitress. Clary is confused bc the waitress is a Downworlder and aren’t they, like, totally evil? Isabelle and Alec assure her that the only kill the bad Downworlders. The rest they let live.
“Like letting spiders live because they eat mosquitoes, Clary thought.” Uh, not really. The Downworlders aren’t spiders. They’re just people, living their lives.
“So they’re good enough to let live, good enough to let live, good enough to make your food for you, good enough to flirt with—but not really good enough? I mean, not as good as people.” Isabelle and Alec looked at her as if she were speaking Urdu. “Different from people,” said Alec finally.
This doesn’t really seem like such a difficult question? Isabelle and Alec are just trying to cover up their bullshit.
“Better than mundanes?” said Simon. “No,” Isabelle said decidedly. “You could turn a mundane into a Shadowhunter. But you could never turn a Downworlder into one of the Clave. They can’t withstand the runes.”
So Shadowhunters judge others based on their ability to become Shadowhunters? Seems not at all racist. I’m so glad we had this chat. Jace comes back and explains that there’s just a shit-ton of hostility between Shadowhunters and Downworlders, so it’s not really racism.
Miracle of miracles, Isabelle reveals that Magnus Bane has invited the magical community of New York to his house for a party. God, I love parties.
There’s a whole day before the party, so Simon and Isabelle decide to go for a walk in Central Park. For some reason, this makes Clary feel a “murderous rage”. These emotions are seriously not healthy.
Back at the Institute, Clary goes exploring in the library and finds a photo of her mom and other Order of the Pheonix members-cum-Deatheaters Shadowhunters. Evil Giles shows up and points out Valentine, Luke, the Lightwoods, Jace’s mom, and himself in the picture. Clary mentions that Jace doesn’t look anything like his father. What could this possibly mean?
Honestly, the concept of a book about the children of villains isn’t terrible. It really just the complete ripping-off of Harry Potter that annoys me.
Oh, God. Clary gets back to her room (armed with a sleeping potion from Hodge) to see Jace looking at her sketchbook. I’m not even good at drawing, and my sketchbooks are still deeply personal. You can’t just look in someone’s sketchbook! It’s like a diary! WTF, Jace!
In fact, Clary tells Jace that it’s  basically a diary and that he shouldn’t look at it. This should be obvious.
Wait, I’m laughing:
“You could try not being charming all the time,” Clary said. “It might be a relief for everyone.”
BITCH, WHERE???
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Jace offers to tell Clary a bedtime story. It’s the famous falcon story, the one that Clare used in her Harry Potter fanfiction. You know, where Jace’s father gives him a falcon to train, and when Jace loves it, his father kills it. Proof that Jace is Draco.
Somehow, Clary makes the connection that this story is about Jace only as she falls asleep. Whatever.
Isabelle wakes up Clary. Again, a famous moment:
[Isabelle] looked like a moon goddess. Clary hated her.
Bitch, Isabelle is a moon goddess, and I love her.
Yes, we have a makeover scene!! My secret weakness. I’m sorry, fellow patriarchy fighters. Makeover scenes are just so good.
Isabelle continues to be the coolest person in this book:
Her room looked as if a disco ball had exploded inside it. The walls were black and shimmered with swirls of sponged-on golden paint. Clothes were strewn everywhere: on chairs, spilling out of the closet and the tall wardrobe propped against one wall. Her vanity table, its mirror rimmed with spangled pink fur, was covered in glitter, sequins, and pots of blush and powder.
I want this room!
Clary gets a slinky black dress, fishnets, and boots. I want this outfit, too. When Isabelle does Clary’s makeup, Clary asks if Alec is gay. For some reason, this causes an intense shock in Isabelle:
Isabelle’s wrist jerked. The eyeliner skidded, inking a long line of black from the corner of Clary’s eye to her hairline. “Oh, hell,” Isabelle said, putting the pen down. “It’s all right,” Clary began, putting her hand up to her eye. “No, it isn’t.” Isabelle sounded near tears as she scrabbled around among the piles of junk on top of the vanity . . . She sat down on the edge of the bed, ankle bracelets jingling, and looked at Clary through her hair. “How did you guess?” she said finally. “I—” “You absolutely can’t tell anyone,” said Isabelle. “Not even  Jace?” “Especially not Jace!” “All right.” Clary heard the stiffness in her own voice. “I guess I didn’t realize it was such a  big deal.” “It would be to my parents,” said Isabelle quietly. “They would disown him and throw him out of the Clave—” “What, you can’t be gay and a Shadowhunter?” “There’s no official rule about it, But people don’t like it. I mean, less with people our age—I think,” she added, uncertainly, and Clary remembered how few other people her age Isabelle had ever really met. “But the older generation, no. If it happens, you don’t talk about it.”
Okay. So. I’m trying to judge this for when it was written. But, like. Is the homophobia necessary? It’s kind of like the ridiculous sexism in ACOTA/R. It’s a choice the author is making, for, like, no good reason. This is a case of a straight author needlessly torturing her gay character. But since this was published in 2007, I feel like this has been talked out, so let’s move on.
IT TURNS OUT THAT ISABELLE’S ANKLETS ARE WEAPONS. I LOVE HER. WE ARE GETTING MARRIED. WEDDING INVITATIONS TO FOLLOW.
Ugh, Simon short-circuits bc Clary is wearing a short skirt. Please calm down, sweetie. You’re embarrassing me. Wait, what is even going on here? Jace gives Clary a dagger, and, uh, this happens:
“I could give you a thigh sheath to put that in,” Isabelle offered. “I’ve got tons.” “ABSOLUTELY NOT,” said Simon.
I’m actually laughing. Lol for real. What does this even mean? Is a thigh sheath too sexy or something? Simon, can you chill for .2 seconds? This isn’t your body. Let’s all take deep breaths.
Clary puts the dagger in the outside pocket of her backpack because there’s no way having to unzip a backpack to get to the dagger could bit her in the ass during a fight. Then Jace reaches over and undoes her hair bc, uh, shipping moment.
I’m so grossed out by the fact that in a short while, they will think they’re siblings.
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gardnerkathryn1993 · 4 years ago
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themeltedheadaches · 7 years ago
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ALL THE ASKS DO IT unless ur too busy #collegelife love u ❤❤❤❤
LOVE U BOO never too busy for u (also using this to procrastinate on my french composition so)
1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?
i eat my cereal………………….dry…………..
2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?
YES that’s literally my life now. i love it but also my nose was running today all the way to get coffee in downtown. i was in THREE LAYERS it is not even DECEMBER
3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?
answered! :)
4: how do you take your coffee/tea?
if i’m going to be a bitch and just get plain coffee, i’m gonna get it black bc otherwise i’ll just have a white mocha or a cappuccino or something (the ppl at the campus coffeeshop know who i am. they know my order. “one sin-ful latte coming up!” thank u for fueling my Addition.) i take my tea with milk and sugar if it’s black tea ((earl gray)) or with honey if it’s green tea. if it’s white tea i’ll sometimes have it with sugar, and if it’s something like peppermint or lavender or chamomile i’ll just have it plain. IM A PICKY BITCH
5: are you self-conscious of your smile?
i used to be! but now i like it. 
6: do you keep plants?
YES pls pray for them
7: do you name your plants?
answered! :)
8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?
poetry! i like to watercolor too, actually, though i left them at home :(
9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?
YES i miss my car bc that’s when i would have Prime Time to sing and hum to myself or along to whatever song i live for at the moment. (i’m into a musical rn and i can’t yell the lyrics out i’m so ANnoyed Always)
10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?
answered!
11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?
i have fucking countless at home……. at college there are quite a few too! as in: “hypothetically, vodka?,” “fuckinG,,,WHAT,” “[blow twice] [slurp sound] [tongue click] noice.,” “SHPEAKERSH OHN!,” “over there! like, over there? over there. over there?,” “just going to go kick some nutria,” and of course, the classic, “same, but jewish.” 
12: what’s your favorite planet?
URANUS actually tho it’s uranus. i had to do my planet project on it in the 4th grade and i gave my brother AND mother silent treatment for two days bc they laughed at its name. i’m very protective
13: what’s something that made you smile today?
i saw my favorite puppy on campus again today!! he’s grown so much!! also my poetry professor’s wife had a successful surgery! #GoMeredith 
14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?
SO MESSY………………….listen. @michelle i’ve seen ur room, and i would just accept that that is how we live now and it’s fine. it would also be aesthetic as fuck tho tbh. full of yarn and animal fur. and books. and junk food #RIFP
15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!
if saturn’s rings were a meter long, they would be 10000 times thinner than a razorblade! what the fuckkkkkkkkkkk
16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?
UHHHHH fucking;;;;;;;;what how am i supposed to #represent my italian fmaily with this DISGUSTING question,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, jk i fuckig love risotto, just ur basic bitch peas and cheese risotto and i’ll cry. also?? gnocchi!! holy shiiiiiiiit. 
17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?
my hair has such good color i’d actually rather shave it all off than dye it :/
18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.
HHHHHHHH yesterday. LITERALLY yesterday. there was a french club meeting that served cheese and bread! so i took my Good Friend WIliam (who is not in french, unlike me), and we walk into the room, and i say “helLO!” bc that’s good manners, when you’re going to just get food and leave, and it’s dead silent. i get food and leave. william has told everyone in our entire hall twice.
19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?
answered!
20: what’s your favorite eye color?
i’m so biased……….but……..brown………..
21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.
my brown leather one! it’s actually super fake leather and i got it from target!! but it’s cute and small and somehow fits everything i need to put in it, including 3 beers and my wallet and 2 phones last weekend. i’ve had for 4 years now 
22: are you a morning person?
yes! i like waking up early actually 
23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?
go on youtube and waste time, or walk around campus/downtown with friends, or shop!
24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?
yes
25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?
my cousin’s RV
26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?
my brown leather boots! wow there’s a trend here lmao. actually i’ve had two pairs of these bc my first was falling apart?? i used them first in a cosplay……in the 7th grade………..(i was matt from death note and to this day i’m STILL not fucking ashamed, i had the wig and goggles and everything.) i love them and wear them all the time, they’re so comfy and warm and stylish and i feel like a hacker badass everytime i wear them. still to this day.
27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?
bubblegum gives me hives i do Not enjoy it :(
28: sunrise or sunset?
sunset!
29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?
one of my friends down the hall will call things/ppl “cute as pie” completely genuinely!! i love her!!
30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?
oh yeah
31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.
i fucking love them thanks end of story. wearing them makes me feel cozy and put together and also atm my dorm floor is Disgusting. i sleep with them when it’s cold and my feet are dry! i have so many fun socks it’s great. i love them. socks are highly underrated.
32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.
my friend and i were driving around evERYWHRE basically, we went from pasadena/san marino to like. hollywood all the way to beverly hills and back and it was wonderful, we stopped 3 times to chase stray cats, take shitty pictures, go to iHop, and almost died several times bc hE SNAPS AND DRIVES at NIGHT on LA FREEWAYS
33: what’s your fave pastry?
croissants, followed by scones, followed by coffeecake 
34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?
bunny the stuffed bunny! she’s pretty large, like as long as my torso! she’s white fabric with colored fluffy bits and very floppy, loose ears. she has green button eyes that i had my grandma sew on bc otherwise she actually scared me a bit when i was a kid, but i loved her anyway bc my great-grandmother sewed her for me in the first place. bunny still lives on my bed at home! 
35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?
YES! i ddon’t use them very often though bc i feel like i should save them for something. rip me
36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?
stromae hands down
37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?
clean….i’m so lazy tho
38: tell us about your pet peeves!
sudden loud noises, being startled, being touched physically when i don’t expect it, someone making assumptions about me, being dismissed, being told what i want or what i’m going to do, borrowing something of mine w/o telling me, being interrupted 
39: what color do you wear the most?
HONESTLY black bc i’m an emo bitch
40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?
one i’ve been wearing a lot is the fork ring i got from the portland saturday market! it’s literally the tines of a vintage fork separated from the part you hold, sanded down so it’s round, and looped into a ring shape. i fidget with it a lot and it reminds me of my mom and step-dad, bc i got it when i was with them. i wear it mostly everyday tbh
41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?
new american best friend by olivia gatwood in general, or thick as thieves by megan whalen turner when i re-read it out loud to my mom on the ride up to college
42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!
yeeeeeeS i have several! the bistro, which is on campus: it’s so comfortable, it has couches everywhere and board games and so many books and zines and the walls are half chalkboard so there’s always art or snark everywhere. the music is super eclectic (it was lorde yesterday, today when i went in it was old-school 90s rap), plus it’s student run so the coffee and pastries and food are SO GOOD. the archive, which is downtown, is really boujee as fuck but it’s SO COOL. it’s so fucking aesthetic, with brown leather stools and uncomfortable booths and vintage books and stuff everywhere. for half the day, it’s a coffeeshop, and after 7, it becomes a bar. then back home, of course, coffee bean and tea leaf is the classic
43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?
half my hall when we went star tripping at the start of the year!
44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?
honestly the last time it was genuine was probably around…….january? i was in so much emotional pain and grief, but i was surrounded by family who loved me and were in that same pain and were so happy i was with them to help and be there with them. i wasn’t serene per say, or at peace, but there was this equilibrium….
45: do you trust your instincts a lot?
yes!
46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.
my RA told me this one this morning: did you hear about the explosion in the cheese factory in france this morning? de-brie everywhere! 
47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?
tomatoes 
48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?
spiders, YES
49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?
i do…………………….. it was the soundtrack to romeo et juliette (2010)
50: what’s an odd thing you collect?
everything; stickers, pressed flowers, rocks, receipts 
51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?
the easiest one is when i think of my roommate, davey the dog’s barking cover of “do the hustle”
52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?
ew
53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?
no, yes, no, no, it was okay
54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?
ME, BITCH
55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?
chugged an an entire pitcher of water to prove i could, three times
56: what are some things you find endearing in people?
genuineness! vulnerability! eye contact! fidgeting!
57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?
made me feel PUMPED, and of course i did
58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?
i am both
59: what’s your favorite myth?
uHHHHHHHHHH i love the myth of beowulf actually bc i had to do a project on it once, i have a soft spot for it, i love all myths tho wtf
60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?
YES,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, recently some of my favorites are the entirety of a montage of a dream deferred by langston hughes, “totem sonnets” by sherman alexie, “on earth we’re briefly gorgeous” by ocean vuong, “one art” by elizabeth bishop
61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?
stupid gifts are nonexistent :/
62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?
noooo
63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?
yes lmao…….i kinda leave them be but i don’t like it if i let someone borrow them and they trash them uGH
64: what color is the sky where you are right now?
Pitch Black
65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?
YES
66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?
morning glories, lavender, baby’s breath!
67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?
very good, thankfully, bc i am in oregon
68: what’s winter like where you live?
in LA, it’s cold and sweet and late and breathless and i adore it
69: what are your favorite board games?
jenga, clue, ??
70: have you ever used a ouija board?
NONONONONO
71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?
peppermint for mornings, earl gray for evenings!
72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?
yes, sadly
73: what are some of your worst habits?
biting the skin around my fingers, bouncing my knees incessantly, procrastinating on my french compositions……
74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.
well there’s this amazing person who i met in freshman year german…….;)
75: tell us about your pets!
i WISH
76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?
yes :(
77: pink or yellow lemonade?
pink of course
78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?
i am the true hateclub: i don’t react. do not give them power. they Feed off of your Hatred
79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?
get me flowers, surprise me with chocolate, come up to me and compliment me on my writing, etc!!
80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?
at home my walls are a soft orangey-peach, which is picked bc i love it. here, my walls are very very white, which i did not pick, but am neutral towards.
81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.
circuit-board chips busted open
82: are/were you good in school?
ehhhhhhh
83: what’s some of your favorite album art?
MELODRAMA
84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?
yes! a minimalistic double-delight rose for my great-grandmother, “love ya!” in my grandpa’s handwriting, maybe a nutshell with a crown over it (for the “king of infinite space” bit in hamllet), possibly “soyez réaliste, demandez l’impossible!” (be realistic, demand the impossible!) from the french student revolution in the 60s
85: do you read comics? what are your faves?
somewhat, def hawkeye or the young avengers bc i’m basic :/
86: do you like concept albums? which ones?
the only one i’ve rlly ever listened to is fucking danger days, so i worship them obviously
87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?
i think ppl should make their own agendas :/ however, i have deeply loved secondhand lions, up, moonlight, the grand budapest hotel, and other basic bitch things
88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?
impressionism!! aaaaaaa!!! also just shove me in front of abstract art and i’ll fall for it!!! 
89: are you close to your parents?
so so so so close to my mom and step-dad, on okay terms with my dad
90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.
listen to me. I LOVE SEATTLE. art! fish market! weird side streets! mean street art! bitchy coffee!! neon everywhere!! a big fuckin needle in the sky!
91: where do you plan on traveling this year?
ITALY THIS SUMMER IM SO EXCITED i’m gonna meet all my mom’s friends from her semester abroad that she’s kept, i’m gonna see what she saw when she was my age, i’m gonna see where my dad’s family is from maybe if we go south???, i’m gonna see all the places and things she used to tell me about to get me to dream big and want to see the world and experience what’s out there!! aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?
depends on the pasta
93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?
down bc i’m fucking lazy and also inept when it comes to doing things with hair
94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?
my friend across the hall from me, who is now 19 years of bitchiness!
95: what are your plans for this weekend?
stay in, study, maybe go to a kickback tho
96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?
lol i put them off until my computer ceases to function altogether 
97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?
zodiac obviously
98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?
fucking…….summer?? i did!
99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.
“feelings” by hayley kiyoko, “vacation town” by the front bottoms, “february” by beach bunny, “hard feelings/loveless” by lorde, “moon river” by henri mancini, “let me in” by flor, “a million miles away” by the plimsoles, “girls like me” by bonnie hayes, “love my way” by the psychedelic furs, the entire legend of zelda soundtrack, “place, je passe” from the mozart l’opera rock soundtrack, etc etc
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