#i genuinely cannot live like this long term

[huellitaa]

defining your life (literally) ୭🧷✧˚. ᵎᵎ 🎀

okay so i know you've heard this a billion times before but you are the creator of ur life. and one of the biggest parts of life is language and communication. the words you use and the phrases you say and the way you speak, to others and to urself, can have such a huge impact.

firstly think ab ur philosophies and guiding principles in your life. what do you live by? what do you believe in? what guides you in your everyday decisions? why do you do these things? what do you hope to achieve? before you can change anything about yourself, you first need to figure out what "yourself" IS. you can't change something if there's nothing to be changed, otherwise ur flogging a dead horse.

linking back to what i said previously, words have power. as i've said many times before, our realities and beliefs are unique to us as individuals, which therefore makes them easily malleable because we as humans are easily malleable. we define our realities, and our words are a very important component in that. like a precious relic or prized treasure, they each hold their own meanings and values to each and every one of us. which is why it's so important yet so overlooked to truly take a moment and just think about what ur saying and what it means to you.

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 a few things you need to define before you go seeking:

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ peace

something many people seek, but not many actually find. you cannot search for something if you do not know what it is that you're searching for. what is peace? is it the short lived silence of an empty house, or feeling truly and utterly content with your life? is it fleeting, like any other emotion, or is it a permanent state of which you can maintain over time? what does it mean?

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ friends

who are the people you call your friends? who are the people you'd be proud to call your friends? are you proud of your current friends, if any? if none, what would they add to you? what are friends supposed to be like? are they supposed to embarrass you and put you down, or support you and make you smile and hype you up? is it genuine connection you're looking for and / or have, or is it short-lived attention from people who'll only hurt and leave you in the end?

✨𓂃 ࣪˖ happiness

is happiness the thrilling high of an irrational decision, or the long-term effect of maintaining ur health and becoming the person you always wanted to be? is happiness quick validation and dopamine hits, or is it the long lasting outcome of positive decisions and change in ur life? or is it just a feeling that comes and goes like any other? why is this the case? why do you believe this? how would you define happiness to another person?

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 a few things you need to define before you go giving:

💬𓂃 ࣪˖ love

how do u define love? romantic, platonic, familial, whatever u want. is it just a thrilling cycle of hurt, hurt, and more hurt, because that's all you've ever known, or is it learning to open ur heart no matter how scared you are to another person because despite ur fear, you have sincere and genuine trust in them that they care about you and the feeling is mutual? what would you define as love, truly?

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ energy

is energy the life force that keeps the world going around, or the burst of life you get after a cup of coffee or tea in the morning? does it hold every fibre of your being inside it, a radiance specifically unique to you? does it become drained after hanging out with the wrong people, or is it just a word you've never put much thought into rather than the sugar high after a sweet treat?

⭐𓂃 ࣪˖ kindness

what is kindness? it's such a simple thing, but is it the act of sincere sweetness towards you that you're looking for, or is it short-lived attention from people who aren't gonna be there at your deathbed and only exist to cause obstacles and issues in ur life? is it sacrificing yourself for the world around you, or is it finding a balance between kindness to yourself and kindness to others?

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 a few things you need to define for ur peace of mind:

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ family

do you believe family is solely a case of biological relation, or is it the emotional connection that's thicker than both blood and water? are the people you hang out with every day and love with your whole heart your family, or are the toxic mother and distant father your family? how do you define this?

🐇𓂃 ࣪˖ health

what is "healthy" to you? how would you define good health and bad health to another person, and for yourself, accustomed to your own personal needs and adjustments? do you want to be healthy? how does and/or would your life look if you were to work towards this?

🩷𓂃 ࣪˖ impossibility

what do you believe are the limits of your capabilities? are there any at all? are you happy with the limits you're placing on your life, or are they simply restraints placed on you by another? what do you believe you can do and why?

🫶🏼𓂃 ࣪˖ balance

a simple word, but one that our whole lives revolve around; or at least in my sense of the definition. how would you define balance? is it important? what in your life revolves around it? what does it mean?

all my love... 💬🎀🫶🏻💗

[broken-lycan]

today I realised I'm at times entering survival mode and I absolutely hate it

over the last half a week I've thought about quitting this job twice a day. yesterday during my break I even searched for different jobs.

I'm low on spoons, haven't had much time or energy to write things for whumptober, the last few days my mental health has been getting worse

it absolutely sucks

[yoshistory]

got this weird thing always where im always wondering if im a gay man or a bi dude-kinda or a bi girl-a-little-bit or a gay man-also-woman-a-bit, and its like. whenever im like "OKAYY I DONT CAREEEEE MAYBE I DO LIKE GIRLS" .... IMMEDIATELY my thoughts about liking women are gone like. when im trying to appease that. and then im like "hmm maybe i DONT like girls??" the thoughts about liking girls comes back

[neverendingford]

.

[amuyyi]

asleep .

synopsis; hanni was never big on physical affection... until she wasnt.

trope; hanni x 6th member!reader, fluff!

wc; 1.2 k

cw; n/a

a/n; i still dont know how to write but i heart hanni so its fine its OKAY its COOL !! just been listening to yearning music and stuff so BAM. aLSO!! i was also thinking of making "asleep among endives" the song attached to this... but idk i love the fluttery feeling of laufey.

It was a known fact by many that Hanni Pham was not one for physical affection— especially in public. Danielle trying to kiss her during a livestream? Dani-ed. Hyein trying to ask for affection? Rejected. Softly. Hell, even your attempts were futile most times. 

Trying to hold her hand in public? Swatted away. Wrapping your arms around her waist while waiting in a line? She's whining out like you’ve just stabbed her. God forbid you try to kiss her hand or cheek (you’ve tried. She screamed.)

You were the opposite of Hanni Pham. Physical affection was one of your top if not the top love language of yours. Every living and breathing moment you had to be in contact with one of the members. Squeezing Hyein’s shoulder reassuringly during an interview, absentmindedly playing with Haerins fingers in the car, tapping and poking Minji’s back just to be a nuisance. It was just a natural everyday habit for you. More often than not, Danielle is the one to frequently reciprocate— she was just as affectionate as you were, after all. It wasn't uncommon to find the two of you within each other's arms, practically melded into one another.

You’ve learned over time that not many people are fans of being touchy. Unfortunate, but that's what Danielle was for. You had come to terms long ago that Hanni would never be interested in indulging in your neediness— not genuinely, at least.

… Or so you thought.

This week has been particularly rough. Back to back to back plans, on top of packed schedules for weeks on end. NewJeans is practically dominating the world, and though the attention and growth to your career was great… you were only human. You were practically still a kid. The world doesn't completely change once you hit twenty.

After what felt like forever, Japan promotions have finally ceased, and you alongside the girls finally have a chance to breathe. You collapse into your dorm bed, welcoming the plush mattress and blankets as you sigh. You genuinely cannot remember the last time you’ve been able to fully relax without an upcoming schedule looming over your head, let alone relax in your own bed.

allowing yourself to be fully enveloped by the blankets and plushies, your eyes close. The muffled sound of Hanni in the nearby shower lulls you almost hypnotically into a drowsy state, leaving you drifting in and out of consciousness for the next few minutes. 

you just about nearly knock out on the spot before you suddenly feel a mass slip into the bed with you. It was a fairly familiar feeling. Though, normally you were the one crawling into the other dorm beds, this was still a welcome experience. Too exhausted to open your eyes, you softly murmur.

“Dani… what’re you doing here…” you say, before subconsciously wrapping your arm around the mystery figure.

Huh. Feels different.

“I.. It's not Dani.”

Your eyes immediately shoot open as the sound of Hanni’s soft voice rings out. Surprised, you look down at the girl in your arms, who’s already settled comfortably in your arms, face buried into your chest. She seems to be avoiding your gaze. Her hair was still slightly damp from her shower, with the iconic bobbed wig set off to the side for the night. Her skin was cool to the touch, a welcome contrast to your warm contact.

A soft, almost nervous chuckle leaves your lips as you’re still caught incredibly off guard. “Han?? Whats.. what's up with this?” You try to pick your words carefully, not wanting to scare her off during such a rare event— but to be frank, you were never good with your words and on top of that, you were half asleep.

“M’just tired…”

You must either be dreaming, or this isn't Hanni. Maybe it's Danielle disguised as Hanni? Has Danielle finally managed to crawl into Hanni’s skin before you could? Damn.

The feeling of Hanni’s face burying deeper into your chest snaps you back to reality, and you hold your breath. Body tensing almost comically at this point. What do you do now? She's never willingly brought herself this close to you before. What if she’s just toying with you?

Very hesitantly, you slowly use the arm that's draped over her form to rub soothing circles onto her back. Much to your relief, the vietnamese girl seems to take well to the touch, letting out a soft sigh against your chest as she practically melts into your touch.

“I-Is this okay…?” You quietly whisper, and you get a soft, “mhm..” in response.

Okay, now you’re definitely beginning to overthink this. How does Hanni even like to be touched? Everyone has their own preferences on how to receive physical affection, after all. Physical touch is an art and a skill very few can master, and you were determined to prove you were more than capable.

Danielle had always been a fan of you playing with her hair— especially in its naturally curly form. Maybe Hanni would like the same?

Slowly, your hand begins to trail higher along her back, soon meeting her long, dark hair. You begin to gently card your fingers through the silky locks, resulting in a soft, satisfied hum from Hanni in response. The vietnamese girl was always the one to get the most interesting haircuts during comebacks, though she always made the effort to keep her natural hair as healthy as possible despite everything it's been put through. You don't even know how many times a new wig of just about any color has been slapped onto Hanni’s head. 

Slowly, your fingers find their way up to her scalp. Her poor head must’ve gone through so much– nearly as much as Danielle’s, probably. Massaging her skin softly, Hanni becomes boneless in your arms. She loops her arms around your neck, pulling you impossibly closer as her head cranes towards your touch. The gesture leaves your heart fluttering.

It seems like the touch is unfamiliar for her as well. Her movements are slightly awkward, but not uncomfortable. Neither of you decide to comment on it.

After being practically Hanni-starved for god knows how many years, you’re over the moon. You wanted this moment to stretch on forever. The shorter girl is practically purring against you at this point, absolutely relishing in your magic touch. Your legs tangled together beneath the sheets as your shared body heat fills the room with a welcomed warmth. 

Now relaxing a bit more, you can fully take in the moment. The scent of Hanni’s shampoo fills your nostrils– peaches and cream. You had gifted her that shower set some Christmas ago. Nice to see it was still being put to good use.

The darkness envelops the both of you as a comforting silence passes. Hanni’s warm breath hits your neck as you feel her breathing steady, seemingly enamored by your touch. Her body feels soft, relaxed, and absolutely perfect against yours.

You still weren't sure exactly what prompted Hanni to come into your embrace in the first place. Maybe this would be the last time. Or maybe after another long work week, she’ll find her way back into your bed within the night.

But for now, you two remain comfortably entangled and engulfed by one another, the sound of soft snores filling the air as you slowly drift to sleep, feeling nothing but warmth within her arms.

[vaspider]

An important definition of terms:

As far as I'm concerned, an assimilationist is someone who believes that queer people must assimilate in order to advance the cause of queer rights. An assimilationist creates a dress code for marches like the Mattachine Society did, fights against queer self-expression at Pride because "it holds back the movement," and believes that the only way for us to move forward is for all queers to live as cishet people do, but with little rainbow flags taped on.

An assimilationist is not "someone who wants the functions and institutions of cishet society to be available to queer people." It's someone who believes the only way to live is assimilated into cishet society, and anything else "holds us back." It's someone who wants Sylvia and Marsha to march at the back, and who prizes cishet aesthetic over practical liberation.

A liberationist is someone who believes that queer liberation is not contingent upon public performance of identity.

Let me repeat that, so we're absolutely clear: a liberationist believes that queer liberation is not contingent upon public performance of identity. ANY IDENTITY.

That means a sufficiently cishet identity and a sufficiently "respectable" identity, but it also means a sufficiently radical identity. If you actually believe in queer liberation, you don't just believe in liberation for people who look, act, and believe like you. You believe in liberation for people who genuinely want to get married, have babies by IVF and live in the suburbs as well as for people who want to live childfree on an anarchist trans commune/Llama farm.

I hear people use the term "Assimilationist" and "Assimilationist Victories" to dismiss as meaningless those victories that are insufficiently radical for their tastes, and that to me is only proof that those people are not actually liberationists in any meaningful way. In liberation, there must be room for people who actually do just want to get married and live quiet, content lives going to their kid's baseball games.

The difference between Assimilationist thought and Liberationist thought cannot be simply replacing "we need to blend in" with "we need to stick out." It cannot simply replace "we must be integrated into cishet society" with "we cannot ever integrate into cishet society and anything which permits us to do that if we so choose is insufficiently liberationist." That's the organizational equivalent of yelling YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD, and I'm fucking over it, y'all.

My liberation doesn't have to be your liberation. Your liberation doesn't have to look like mine. What matters is that we are helping each other up the mountain and making long-term plans to get to where we can, and that we recognize that every choice we make is going to leave someone behind, and we account for that and plan for that so we don't leave them behind forever.

We cannot regard gay marriage or gays in the military or instituting a nationwide right to transition or any of our future goals as an endpoint. They are only goals part of the way up the mountain.

We don't get to the top until we are all free to live as we choose without government or societal interference or sanction, and without having to perform an identity for those rights and respect. The freedom to be ourselves must include the right to "blue hair and pronouns" but it also must include the right to "your kid's school plays and a duplex in a suburb." The latter is not an assimilationist lifestyle unless you try to enforce it on everyone.

I'm so, so tired of people acting like they're radical thinkers for poo-pooing the civil rights advances that the community has achieved through literally decades of work as "assimilationist victories." That's not clever, cute, or correct. Every. Single. One. Of those victories is written in tears and sweat and blood. Every single one is wrapped in the funeral shrouds of people who died fighting for it. Every single one was achieved not by assimilationists alone, but neither by people who think the only true victories are the ones sufficiently pure in their leftist credentials.

It is extremely possible and indeed likely that if you judge queers by their aesthetic, you will miss partnering with some of the most radical people and shackle your movement to people who cloak regressive politics in radical language. I've heard some truly noxious words come out of mouths framed by snakebites, and I've known extremely radical thinkers who look like your grandma. And I gotta tell you, in those local elections which keep school boards free from Moms For Liberty? The latter are useful people for liberationists to know and have in our camp, those people who think like liberationists but look like your grandma or your auntie.

Enforcement of aesthetic as a condition of liberation is assimilationist thought. It doesn't matter if the assimilation is to pink hair and tattoos or polo shirts and khakis - enforcement of aesthetic and philosophy as a condition of liberation is assimilationist thought. It's just replacing one kind of demanded conformity with another, and when we say "none of us are free until all of us are free," that also means free to be fucking boring if we want to, full stop.

We talk a lot about how much work goes into being disabled, how much work we have to put into making appointments, and fighting bureaucracy, but this is also true of queer life. Freedom comes with ease, with being easily able to update paperwork, with being easily able to find employment and housing, with being easily able to create the family structures we want to live in. When all of us can wake up in the morning assured of security in our beds, food in our bellies, meds in our med trays as needed, and a day ahead of us filled with chosen purpose and chosen meaning, which ends with us back in the bed of our choice at the end of the day, fulfilled in purpose and secure in our homes and chosen families, then we are free, and not before.

You may notice a seeming contradiction in this, in that my liberationist philosophy has room in it for the very people who are currently annoying the fuck out of me by demanding allegiance to a leftist aesthetic over practical liberation (that is, a movement based in harm reduction and long-term strategy over adherence to leftist purity of thought).

This is not a contradiction.

It is not a bug. It is a feature. My liberationist ideals mean that people have to have the right to be wrong without their liberty hinging on being right, that's all. :)

[slimepuparibaba]

LnDS HCs: Sylus (General HCs)

HI! I HAVE TOO MANY HEADCANONS FOR SYLUS SO PLEASE TAKE THEM!! THEY WILL DEFO NOT BE ACCURATE COME JULY BUT STILL IM USING WHAT SCRAPS OF INFO I HAVE RN AND IF HE TURNS OUT LIKE THIS APOLLO GAVE ME THE GIFT OF PROPHECY

IF THIS IS INACCURATE I WILL COMMIT CHAPTER 4 OKOK

GENERAL HC DUMP / PREDICTIONS (MAYBE DONT COUNT ON IT)

Okay, we all agree he comes off as the type of guy that would burn the world for you.

BUT!

Big but here.

I don't think he's a terrible boyfriend or anything. In fact, he genuinely does love you.

I believe, me personally, you are the one weakness this man has and he will treat you with care. Is the way he treats you rough around the edges and comes off a little different than most? Yes.

But he won't ever actually hurt you. He watches you from afar like a silent protector to make sure you aren't hurt, even using his Evol to make sure you STAY alive.

I personally think he might actually treat you kinda like one of his men, like an equal in terms of "you can definitely handle yourself and I know you're strong", but he'll still keep an eye on you just because you're that important to him. He trusts you.

...okay, so like, maybe not completely trust you because let's be honest here, you're kiiiinda prone to trying dumb shit on him, but it's funny. He'll forgive it. The smug bastard.

From what I've seen, he comes off cool, suave, knows what he's doing. Cocky.

Bad boy. He's a bad boy in all sense of the word.

He knows what he's doing, he's confident, he's charming. Knows what to say and do. He's also a CEO so dealing with people? Basically easy for him.

When it comes to you? He will flirt. Because he likes getting a reaction out of you.

I bet he teases you a TON. You hate him? Good. At least you have him in your thoughts.

Love is war with him. You try to scheme? He already has a counter. Man is 100 steps ahead of you, but just likes seeing you make a complete fool of yourself.

You know when he gets the upper hand he'll have that signature smirk of his that just screams "kiss me to shut me up and I'll consider this your win".

You thought Rafayel had an ego? Nah. NAH, THIS DUDE HAS AN E G O.

Sparring sessions with him are very likely. He'd probably be like "alright, but not going easy on you" or something cocky like that with a smug smirk on his face.

Man genuinely treats you as his equal though when training. Teaches you everything he knows and points out some techniques you might be rusty on.

Rizz is off the charts. He's lived in the N109 Zone and breathed it for so long. He's a sweet talker, so be prepared for him to know how to make you melt.

But also, he will actually spoil you. Will he make you work for it? Yes. He will give you an entire runaround (make you say please, make you verbalize it, etc), but he does it because he loves you.

You are genuinely his soft spot, and I CANNOT stress this enough.

The things he does in the dark are things he does FOR YOU. His reason for being REVOLVES around you, you just don't know it yet. Don't let him being the leader of Onichynus get to your head—he has method to his madness.

[beanytuesday]

Hey, I love your art -- I was wondering if you ever posted your illustration for Kafka's "A Hunger Artist" on here? It's really evocative and gorgeously framed, and I find myself thinking of it frequently!!

Thank you for the kind words. A Hunger Artist by Franz Kafka is one of my favorite short stories of all time, and it’s a very quick read. You can read it right here:

https://www.kafka-online.info/a-hunger-artist.html

Go ahead, I’ll wait here.

I’d like to take us opportunity to talk a little bit about the story, if I may.

Although there are a couple different interpretations of the story's meaning, it unambiguously read to me as an allegory for the plight of the creative, likely drawing from Kafka’s own experience. The ‘starving artist’ comparison is obvious, but there’s much more to it than that. In a departure from most other depictions in media, the plight of the artist is not depicted as something noble or redemptive, but as a sort of self-destructive madness. The hunger artist dies alone and in obscurity, his impact on the world ultimately being completely marginal and insubstantial. When questioned about why he chose a life like this, he reveals that he doesn’t even enjoy fasting, he simply couldn’t find any food he liked. That is to say, a true creative does not select this kind of self destructive lifestyle because they enjoy it; rather, it is because they cannot possibly bear to do anything else. Kafka himself, It should be mentioned, supposedly despised pretty much every job he ever had.

As some of you may know, I developed severe tendinitis a couple months ago. Mentally, September was probably the worst months of my entire life. I reflected on this story a lot –I had wrought my own self destruction, and for what? A couple of bucks? A few comics that i’ll become embarrassed of in a year’s time anyway? Unsure about my prospects for recovery, I became incredibly depressed.

But having been starved of the ability to write or draw, I had a genuine epiphany. Standing at the corner of Boston liquors in Allston, I resolved that I would muster the strength to endure this, regardless of how long it took, because what awaited me at the end was nothing short of the greatest prize a person could ask for: That very thing derided by Kafka –the life of an artist.

There is no greater pleasure than making art. I mean that genuinely, I mean that literally. No, it isn’t noble, no, it isn’t redemptive, but in a totally hedonistic and self-serving way it is simply the greatest thing that life can offer, ambrosia in the mouth, better than sex, better than drugs, better than anything that money can buy, and I feel pity for anyone unable to experience it. I am not being hyperbolic, I am not being metaphorical. I am stating this in the plainest of terms, having lived a life without it for the last couple of months.

So although my personal relationship to the story has changed in the past couple months, Kafka was right about one thing; nothing else tastes good, at least not by comparison. We must imagine the hunger artist happy.

[jselorekeeper]

"The Full Jacksepticeye & Friends panel from New York Comic Con 2024" on Popverse

Both Jackie and Marvin started off as jokes, but the way the community portrayed the characters had Jack more intrigued by actually forming the story. He admits that it was harder to come up with a story for Jackie.

James stated that the genuine humor within Jackie's comics had him intrigued by the character and he fell in love with writing him.

Megan said she likes how genuine Jackie feels, in that he is a very relatable character for most. She especially likes Jackie's clear sense of anxiety about everything. She also stated that she is all for balancing the comedy and emotions within the story through coloring.

The original intent for Jackie was supposed to be the relatable style of "when I'm doing this I feel on top of the world but when I'm dealing with real life it becomes more depressing" for Jack. Such as the example of Jack recording vs him normally feels like two different stories.

Magpie brought up the fact that most of the community views Marvin as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, and Suzi even jokingly mentions Sunspell before continuing the conversation.

Alejandro stated that when the characters were brought out to them they both were fully formed characters but Marvin was more fleshed out. He even states that he loves the fact that Marvin's magic comes to him so easily but in reality, Marvin is struggling more on terms of how to live life normally.

"What's Next? Coming in 2025"

Jack speaks about how they are at the midpoint of the story and he mentions how he wants the finale of these egos to be good.

There is a reason that Jackie and Marvin were done together at the same time, but nothing more was said.

After the IRIS game trailer was shown Jack mentions that there is no release date yet but it is heavily inspired by Observation Duty and Overnight Watch.

He stated the first game will be free and that there are plenty of more games to come in the future.

"QnA"

"Is there going to be any cameos within Jackie's story like how there is in Marvin's?" They said the story is still going and they can take it as a suggestion.

"For the writers is there any possibility of a crossover?" They said it would be difficult to do in terms of the worlds merge and such but they also stated they cannot say anything about that as of right now.

"How was it to give your ideas to the artist?" Jack admits that it was difficult at first as it started with him alone but they now speak much more frequently so he can communicate his ideas.

"What was it like bringing mental health into the egos?" Jack stated it is the most important aspect of their stories and wanted characters people could relate to.

"Are you going to expand to other egos?" Jack admits they are just focusing on Marvin and Jackie for right now as he struggles with balancing multiple ideas at once. But, he did admit that he and Magpie spoke recently about the other egos and planned out more of their stories. Then stating he isn't sure if the other egos will be in comic form.

"If you were to take Marvin and Jackie and put them together, how long would it take for them to start fighting?" Jack jokingly talks about how messed up an idea that is and then proceeds to state "Six minutes."

[fantastic-nonsense]

I think people who genuinely wanted Percy to rebel against the gods and overthrow the system kind of...miss the whole point of the series

The question is not whether or not the gods deserve to rule; the books are kind of unambiguous that they don't! That the gods are generally undeserving of their children's loyalty is the one thing that Percy and Luke both agree on! But PJO is less about divine right to rule vs. ruling via consent of the governed and more about improving dysfunctional family systems. It's not about whether unfair rulers deserve to continue ruling; it's about forcing the gods to be better, fairer rulers and a better, fairer family given limited alternatives.

Because what are the alternatives, as presented to us within the scope of the original PJO series?

Option 1: allow Kronos to topple Olympus and take over. Clearly not a viable alternative for all of the reasons the books show us.

Option 2: the demigods overthrow the Olympians and rule the world themselves. Okay. How's that going to work out long-term, given demigods are mortal and cannot control or protect their parents' domains? Demigods will die out within a generation or two, so that's potentially a one-generation short-term solution, and then everyone's right back where they started. Except worse, because now the world has been out of divine balance for a century and the gods have a completely legitimate bone to pick with all demigods. Materially worse outcome.

Option 3: demigods ignore the gods and their will entirely. They integrate into the mortal world, refuse to participate in quests or talk to their parents, and pretend prophecies don't exist. Except that's clearly not a viable option, since we see that demigods usually can't safely exist in the mortal world without monsters coming after them, the gods are cruel enough to use blackmail and engage in hostage situations to get demigods to act as heroes, and prophecies have a way of coming true regardless of everyone's best attempts to circumvent them. Again: materially worse outcome.

And for Percy, for the demigods at Camp Half-Blood, for Luke and for everyone else who defected....for the most part, they don't actually have an inherent problem with the gods ruling them. They just want to be acknowledged, valued, and loved by their families, to be treated as more than a tool for their parents to wield whenever their services are needed. That was the core thesis of the demigod rebellion, which was wholly separate from Kronos' specific motivations for overthrowing the Olympians, and it's why Percy's asks at the end of TLO were what they were.

The point was always that had Percy grown up in a slightly more dysfunctional family environment...had he grown up with Frederick Chase's seemingly conditional love or May Castellan's madness instead of Sally Jackson's steady, quiet, unconditional love...he could have turned out like Luke. Like Ethan. Like the dozens of demigods who defected from camp to join Luke's cause. Percy could have turned out just as a bitter and angry and vengeful. Just as ready to tear down the system. Just as willing to betray and kill his own family for the sake of making a point.

But instead, Percy openly reprimands the gods for abandoning their families and using them as cannon fodder in their own petty disagreements. He forces them to acknowledge and claim their children. He demands that everyone who is part of the godly family be recognized and accepted, not just those related to the Twelve Olympians. He asks for those unjustly punished (like Calypso) to be set free and accepted back into the family. Because that's the point at the end of the day: not forcing bad rulers to step down, but changing an insanely dysfunctional family system that the gods and demigods are all members of into a better, safer, and more accepting environment for demigods to grow up and live in.

Overthrowing the gods wouldn't solve the problem at the heart of the series, which is the gods' shitty parenting and family management skills. It would only exacerbate the massive familial fault-lines that Kronos exploited and leave the demigods open to more godly manipulation. Which is why the series ends as it does, with Percy using his wish to tangibly improve the lives of his family instead of selfishly improving his own life (via accepting immortality/godhood) or overthrowing the gods. Because the conflict isn't about the gods as rulers. It's about the gods as parents.

PJO's core thesis is Percy, who grew up knowing unconditional familial love, looking at this whole world of children who didn't and saying "that's not fair. Gods should be better than this!" But instead of destroying them the way Luke wants to, instead of overthrowing them and putting himself on the throne, he instead challenges them to be better parents and family members. To be part of the solution instead of the problem. And Percy's demands don't solve everything, but they were necessary first steps! Without forcing the gods to acknowledge a bare minimum floor of inclusion, the cycle would simply begin all over again the next time a major conflict popped up.

So that's the problem Percy solves and how he successfully fulfills the prophecy: by believing that the gods had the capacity to change and forcing them to break the cycle of familial abandonment, he preserves Olympus and takes the first steps towards a new status quo, one that is objectively better for demigods than the one he grew up in. That's why he succeeds, and it's why Percy overthrowing the gods would have made for a much less satisfying ending than what actually happened.

[melodic-haze]

FINALLY REQUESTS OPEN WOOHOOO!!!!!

okie so. Imagine just making Zhu Yuan wear vibrator in work which is totally evil!! She needs to arrest people and do all the paperwork, yet she can’t concentrate on all the things because of the vibrator. Also, making the vibrator go faster when she’s on the meeting and she’s supposed to listen and be quiet… anyway!! And even when she’s on her duty, she just can’t take it anymore and all she needs is her girlfriend’s cock in her soooooo like. Sex in her office so real, no matter if she still have work to do or not! Poor girl needs relief 🙏

love you haze my wifey 🫶

☆ — DEMO TRACK: sub!Zhu Yuan x dom!fem!gp!Reader

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: fem reader with a dick, semi-public sex, public use of a vibrator

☆ — NOTES: love you too Rayne 🥰🥰 ik how long you've been waiting for this so ty for the patience babe 🤗

First off idk how people can see her as a dom sorry I just wanted to get it out there 🫶

Anyway convincing Zhu Yuan to WILLINGLY fuck around like this on the clock AT HER WORKPLACE would be a challenge, not because she's avidly against it (even though she makes a show of protesting due to it being inappropriate, you find that her 'protest' is a lot weaker than if she actually meant it) but because she's fucking shy

She's SHY about these kinds of things—sex already has her flustered anyway, having a toy inside her IN PUBLIC is even WORSE!!! For one, yes, how the FUCK is she supposed to concentrate her work in such a state?? That UNDOUBTEDLY gets worse overtime bc Why Wouldn't It? Just having it inside of her, without you even doing anything, turns her on due to the embarrassment and the anticipation bc genuinely who knows when you're gonna turn it on 😭

Oh but you WILL have to make good on the promise that you don't use it in genuinely dangerous situations bc she CANNOT be risking lives over a distraction like that

Though just because you promised not to do anything in life-threatening situations, doesn't mean you were gonna prevent yourself from doing anything in other risky situations. No, if anything, you planned to make the most of it since the very moment you stepped into the Bureau.

Credit to where credit's due, Zhu Yuan did give her best effort into seeming like she didn't have a certain distraction inside of her threatening to take her attention.. and the last of her dignity, if you pushed her to the edge far enough. Though unfortunately for her, that did mean you took her determination as a challenge.

You're thoroughly aware that her and the rest of the response team were in an important meeting, with all the Hollow appearances getting much more frequent. And yes, you're thoroughly aware that the term 'important' there is metaphorically underlined and highlighted in bright red...

So you swing open the door, a coffee tray in hand and the most innocent smile you could muster on your face as you approached the table, "Coffee, anyone? I thought I'd make some."

You see Qingyi shrug nonchalantly as she sips on her own tea (respect to the android for having it there instead of even pretending to look like she cares too much), contrasting to Seth's enthusiastic hand raise and some of your other colleagues' individual forms of assent. Though as you moved around to hand people their extremely needed liquid caffeine, your focus was more on the woman at the board, with her eyes widening and her otherwise pale skin reddening immediately at the sight of you.

"What-- Uh, what are you doing here?" She stammered out and only making her blush worse than it already is, "Is there an emergency or--"

You shook your head with a small laugh at her current display, "No no, no emergency. I just wanted to check in, see how it's going."

"..The meeting's going fine."

"Is it?"

Her eyes dart to look at your moving hand before looking back at you with slightly narrowed eyes at the realisation of what you're about to do, not to mention the suspense that only the both of you are privy to.

Just as Seth goes to answer enthusiastically in her stead, keeping everyone's attention anywhere but your true focus, you see your beloved's lips mouth out a few words to you.

'Don't you dare.'

So of course, like the kindest, most merciful person ever, you switch it on at full power.

A loud yelp escaped her already open mouth, much to your barely-hidden amusement and her reluctant-and-now-horrified embarrassment. The others' heads all whip back to Zhu Yuan's stumbling figure as she slams her hands on the desk and holds herself up, shaking her head as if she could shake away the red that coated her face.

Before anyone could ask of anything, though, it was you who spoke first, "You alright there, officer? You look a bit.. flushed."

And in this game between you and her, there was no way she was going to blurt out anything indecent in front of her work peers, especially not when she needs to be professional.

"Fine, I'm.. I'm fine," she says after taking a long breath before turning back to the board and crossing her arms, "but maybe we should.. mm, put a-- a pin on this for now. It's-- been a while anyway."

You wanted to tease her more but Seth pipes up questioningly, ever so diligently that it's starting to slightly annoy you, poor fool, "But I thought there was more to discuss?"

"Considering the.. interruption, I think we should take this as an opportunity for a break, no?" You hadn't actually registered Jane's presence until you hear her yourself, her smooth voice tinged with something suspiciously close to cheeky awareness, "Been a while since we've heard of sounds other than work discussions and Hollow risks."

"But--"

"You're telling me you aren't hungry?"

"No-- well, yes, but--"

"So take the chance! I personally will."

You see her push herself off the wall and opens the door, though before she fully left she stops. Then, she turns around with a complimentarily knowing look, her eyes darting to both you and Zhu Yuan specifically as she practically purrs out her words, "I don't think I'm the only one who's hungry, either."

She walks off, and the others follow her (one of them with reluctance), leaving the two of you alone.

Looking at her face though, she looks pissed. Beyond embarrassed too, yes, but also as if she could kill you right here right now. Maybe you took it too far, you think as you turn the toy off immediately.

Maybe you should apologise.

Before you could do anything, however, she makes a beeline for the door and hastily locks it. And it is only when the room is quiet and she is stood stock still that you can hear her ragged breathing.

You hear her lick her lips, not quite looking af you, before she speaks with something of a tremor to her voice, "You are insane, you know that? There is something seriously wrong with you."

"I just thought it'd be fun and it was tempting, sorry if I took it too far--"

"Turn it back on."

"What?"

"Turn it back on."

..Oh.

"Oh," your prior guilt has been quickly washed away and replaced with a smirk, "well, if you're being rude then--"

"Please." And she turns around and darts over to you, her hands clinging onto your hips—your proximity is so close to the point where you can feel her hot breath and see her clearly dilated pupils, "You know I don't like to beg but you've-- just please--"

You snaked your hand around her before giving her ass a smack, eliciting a sharp gasp from your tall lover, "Patience, you big baby. I thought I taught you better than that."

"Plus," you continued as your other hand went to lead her own to the bulge of your pants, "I think I'd much rather have you fall apart on me rather than some toy I used to play with you."

She lets out a whine as she buries her face into your neck, and you know that you'll have her falling apart in no time at all.

Will be extremely real she'd be SO PENT UP GENERALLY 😭😭😭😭😭 she doesn't tend to herself bc it's just at the back of her mind. Keeping citizens safe and just her work in general is always her top priority!!! So the moment she gets some sexual relief it is SUCH a feeling for her

Within her is the conflict between the fact that it's appropriate to do these things at work and the need to just have you at whatever kind of capacity......but that all gets overshadowed when you shove your dick inside of her 😜 suddenly ALL train of coherent thought flies of the fucking window!!!!!

I think everyone was thinking of those handlebars on her back and I am NO EXCEPTION❗️❗️❗️ Grip onto them as you piston into her over and over and it has you hitting some VERY deep spots that have her clawing on the table

NEEEEED to have her filled though really is that a surprise in this fuckass blog???? No????? Exactly. I genuinely don't know how people could see this woman as a dom bc she's such a fucking loser that as much as she thinks that begging is so embarrassing, she does it anyway bc she needs this ache to go away and needs her head clear!!!! So you have to take responsibility for what you've done to her through the whole day!!!!!!

Despite Zhu Yuan's best efforts along with the securital soundproofing, you'd be surprised if nobody had heard you beyond these walls.

The officer had taken to switching between covering her mouth and biting her knuckles in an effort to prevent her desperate whines from escaping as she bounced up and down on your lap. You, however, were sat on one of the chairs with your tits pressed on her back. One hand had gripped her now-messy ponytail and your other alternating between assisting her with her movements (not as if she needed it, considering just how in-control she was with her own body despite her thought-clouding desperation) and slapping her skin.

The room was hot, or maybe it was just the two of you—it didn't matter though, not when the two of you were going at it like animals, with your hastiness spurred on both by the fact that the others could come back at any time now and realise that something may have happened and your lover's surprising need for you.

Calling her pathetic had earned you a shake of the head, though you could feel her insides clench onto your cock. Perhaps it was due to her strength, but even despite how audibly wet she was due to the mix of both your very rushed releases, her cunt still had such a grip on you that you just couldn't help but cum inside her again.

You'll probably get told off by her about practicing safe sex later and pulling out when you needed to, but really who was she to say anything when she refused to let you cum outside under the guise of not letting this room become even more of a mess than it already is?

..That'll wait for when you're done though. Right now, you were solely focused on your now-quivering girlfriend as she squeezed onto your cock once again with a gasp.

Having a quickie but instead of just doing it quickly, you do it for a consecutive amount of times jsut bc your loser gf really wants you to rail her idk 🫶

It DID end up leaving her more relaxed though!!! Despite the fact that she couldn't stand for a while LNAO

You both get a text from Jane saying that neither of you are slick at all though..........and a VERY intrusive text about how she could smell your concoction of sex scents even stronger as a Thiren, to which Zhu Yuan REFUSES to see the light of day again (she goes to work the day after)

[syoddeye]

consequence / ink

price x f!reader | 1.6k words series directory tags: alcohol, miscommunication (resolved) a/n: john is a down bad, as the youths would say. thank you to my beloved @/pfhwrittes for britpicking. ☕

her cast is gone. a sleeve hides the arm, but it’s clearly off.

john holds the door for a customer, unsure if he ought to take another step or retreat while he can. he tried to compose a text on the flight, on the drive, in the shower. a heads-up, a ‘hello, i’ve returned, i’m sorry, don't worry about my face when you see it’—but he couldn’t. somehow, he thought simply turning up would be better.

when she spots him, the look on her face says a text would’ve been the right call.

ah, well.

she glares over the other man’s shoulder as he pays. he’s truly awful because it only makes him happier to see her. if she didn’t care, her face would be a blank slate.

the man takes a short eternity to move to the end of the bar. john checks to ensure he isn’t holding up a queue he knows isn’t there, if only to buy another second—

“yurbeck.” she blurts out.

“sorry?”

slower, she repeats herself, “you’re back.”

“i am. you’re healed up.” 

“you’re not.”

the black eye he sports is ugly but faded. yellowish, with ugly splotches of blood still pooled beneath the skin. he’d like to say, you should see the other guy, but the bastard’s probably jaguar shit by now. instead, he shrugs. “looks worse than it feels. can we grab a drink when you’re off?”

she glances and frowns at her coworker, who’s clearly listening in over the noise of the espresso machine and sighs. her uncertainty is as plain as day.

“no.”

alright. damage control. he can fix this, he thinks, heart crashing into his gut. he didn’t leave her on bad terms. “listen, i know—”

she interrupts a second time. “we’ll go to mine.”

his mouth shuts, teeth clacking. he won’t argue with that.

~~

before you leave the café, you check your last exchange.

>> thanks for dinner the other night. i had a wonderful time. unfortunately, i won’t be by for a bit.

> ominous > prison?

>> not quite. work. i won’t be able to text.

> well don’t be gone too long > i might forget your order

it’s ridiculous, in hindsight, all your worrying over a man you assumed ghosted you. a regular you took a stupid leap of faith for. the shopping trip was a way to test the waters, and despite an awkward intensity he seemed desperate to hide and his bad jokes, john charmed you. even when you extended the exam to your place, he passed. no snide comments about cece or the decor. he helped with cooking without being asked. washed the dishes. it was a wonderful time. he said it. you believed it.

but two months isn’t ‘a bit’. it’s a disappearing act.

you say as much, as annoyed with yourself as you are with him. he quietly concedes he could have explained better. you tell him friends don’t go MIA for weeks. he laughs.

~~

“funny you should say that.”

“what?”

john stares hard at her profile as they walk. this part is always hard. pivotal. he puts it simply: “i’m in the military—special forces. that’s why i was ‘MIA’, as you put it.”

her brows raise, but she doesn’t falter. “oh.”

his lip curls. he’s been cussed out, fawned over, and ditched entirely for sharing his profession. no one usually reacts so little. it’s a divisive topic. everyone’s got an opinion. 

“that’s it? oh?” john echoes, trying to tease something out. he once listened to her harsh critique of the illegibility of packaging at the café—he cannot imagine her indifference as genuine. “you can ask questions, y’know.”

“okay. where were you? what were you doing?”

crawling on my belly through mud and fending off giant cockroaches. shooting. getting shot at.

“seeing the sights, meeting people.”

that withering glare returns, but it’s shorter-lived this time. she huffs. “see, i assumed ‘special forces’ means it’s the type of military business you don’t get answers about.”

“yes and no. i can’t compromise my clearance.”

“what can you tell me?”

he smiles when she sneaks a look, irritation giving way to curiosity. “i sunburn very easily.”

she snorts. “no way, not with that complexion.”

“and, i have thirty, forty mosquito bites where the sun doesn’t shine.”

john’s bruised cheek hurts from grinning as she laughs. this is the first time he’s heard it uninhibited, neither bitten back nor politely smothered by a hand. he needs to brush up on his humor. he needs to hear that sound more often.

“sorry. i’m a mess.”

john aligns their shoes and removes his jacket. it’s hardly messy. her flat appears mostly unchanged, except for the small mountain of citrus on her dining table. a single banana. she starts to sweep it into a plastic bin, but he catches a stray orange, and his thumb drags over an odd indentation. he turns it in hand, eyebrows pitching at the sight of a rose etched into the skin.

“is this…?” 

he watches her press a machine into a foam insert, then hurriedly zip a case shut. the look on her face clearly says he wasn’t supposed to see that. 

she takes the orange and shrugs. “something i’m having fun with. a new hobby.”

“solid work for a hobby.”

“don’t tease.”

“you’d know if i was.” 

she excuses herself to change after setting the bin aside, stepping over a wary cece. the cat stands guard at the mouth of the hall. unimpressed. he can practically hear the and where have you been?

john gives the cat a fond but tight smile. he’ll need to get in good with her again, too, it seems. he checks the water bowl before settling onto the couch. cece follows to investigate, her tiny black nose tapping his knuckles when he offers a hand. 

her aloofness swiftly melts after he coaxes her into his lap, though he suspects that the subsequent stabbing of her kneading paws is her brand of punishment. little thing seems to relish it.

“you can move her if she’s too much.”

his face lifts, and he wonders if the cat feels the palpitations in his chest.

given what he’s only just learned, he shouldn't be surprised, but the patchwork tattoos decorating her arms steal his breath anyway. the impulse to touch is instant. to trace every fine line and jealously ask where she had them done and by whom. 

he grips the arm of the couch hard, and cece pauses her biscuit-making, eyes half-lidded and judgmental. dismissing the cat, he nonchalantly places a throw pillow over his lap and scrubs a hand over his face.

the plot thickens.

“nice ink. didn’t realize you had any. makes sense.”

“yep. twenty-one. mm. no. twenty-two.”

far more than what the shirt shows. “any damage?” 

her head tilts as she cracks the refrigerator, pulling two bottles by their necks. “nope. don’t got anything there.”

john takes a beer as she plops down. she tucks her legs beneath, and he studies the artfully drawn black shapes on the one arm: a network of barbed thorns and flowers, a woman contorted into a skull, a mouse sleeping in a sardine tin, a stamp, and several stars.

“do you have any?” she asks, taking a swig.

nothing as lovely as hers. the first and last instance john had time to sit for a piece, he was clean-shaven and further from the thick of it. but she’s shown him hers; returning the favor is only polite. “one.” he sets the bottle aside to ruck up his left sleeve. she shifts, and the tips of his ears redden. fuck he wishes it wasn’t so—

“traditional. ha, had you pinned for the type. cute.”

cute. the ink has faded into muted tones, the lines softened. the mermaid’s once coy smile blurs into a vague shape, and now that he looks at it, the anchor’s shank is slightly crooked. the subtle, natural distortions of time make the mermaid perched in the curved arm of the anchor appear as aged as his face.

“can i?” 

she extends a hand. has she touched him before? intentionally?

“yes.”

her fingers follow the lines without an ounce of hesitation or hovering. the corner of her mouth quirks when john instinctively squeezes his bicep, the mermaid’s blue tail flexing under her thumb. he can’t tell what she’s thinking despite watching her pretty eyes. he simply laments he doesn’t have more to show her if only to keep her this close.

john’s focus narrows to the heat of her hand as it moves. he imagines five perfect ovals burning into his arm hair where she grabs and adjusts her view. that his skin might melt, and her palm would graft to his limb for all time, barring surgical intervention.

the first words out of her mouth in a minute are a bucket of cold water.

“six inches, right?”

“what?”

her gaze flicks up. “from the tip to the base?” a prolonged beat passes before she adds, “or, i guess, to the fins of her tail?”

she’s gonna be the death of me. 

“i think so.”

“it’s aged well.”

“ah. you’re taking the piss.”

“you’d know if i was.” she echoes. “i’m serious. i’m guessing it’s fifteen or twenty years old? it could look worse.” her nails scritch in a tight circle for a half-second, long enough that he might combust, but she pulls away and swirls her beer. “why’d you stop at one?”

“busy schedule. and i don’t want to be too identifiable.”

“yes. the chops are the subtler choice.” she smiles behind the bottle. “now i’m taking the piss.”

john thinks of precisely three responses to her cheek, none of which make it to his tongue. he sips slowly, catching on a slip of skin when she stretches, the hem of her shirt lifting just so. a tempting black line practically hooks his eye before it disappears.

“oh, you’re funny. got me curious, though. which one was your first?”

her legs straighten, and she pushes to her feet. “it’ll be easier if i show you.”

[gothhabiba]

re: the university degree being an access barrier. c cs an u explain bc i genuinely don’t understand but i want to!

there are certain jobs that you cannot, or are highly unlikely to, get without a university degree. these jobs tend to pay more, have higher prestige, be less physically taxing / disabling, have better benefits in terms of health insurance and retirement, more flexibility with regards to scheduling or ability to call of sick without getting fired, less oversight and surveillance leading to less stress leading to better long-term health outcomes, &c.

you are much more likely to be able to get a university degree (i.e., to be accepted into a university programme and then to be able to complete that programme) if you are independently wealthy; can get help from your parents; won't have to worry about working full-time while studying; can afford to accept unpaid internships or have time to do other extra-curriculars in high school (because you aren't working to help your parents pay for rent, for example); if you lived in a relatively wealthy school district growing up that's more likely to have taught you the specific skills you need to succeed in college and have teachers who know how to help you apply (& wealth correlates with whiteness); grew up speaking the prestige language in your area; are not disabled; &c. &c.

so the university degree serves as a barrier to access certain jobs & thus certain lifestyles, living places, &c. because without a university degree you cannot access those things. but without being previously comfortable or wealthy, it's much harder to get a university degree. so the requirement to have a university degree to access a certain job, within this context wherein university degrees are more difficult to access for some people than others, and even in cases where you can't even really argue that the qualifications for the degree are super relevant to the requirements of the job, serves as a way of concentrating wealth within the hands of those who were already wealthy.

this is basically what people mean when they say that the material function of the university in the world as it currently exists is to be a class barrier. it helps to make sure that the people who get the "good jobs" are the descendents of the people who got the "good jobs" before.

[genshin-scenarios]

pls pls pls more spiderverse lyney soup pls pls

After the events of Lyney's spiderverse story here...

It's been a week since the fight against the great narwhal, and neither Lyney nor Lynette have been at school.

The bitter part of you wants to be glad about it, but in truth, you were only left perplexed and scattered. How could they be the Phantom Twins? And how could Lyney have known about your true identity this entire time?

How long has he known? How did he find out? Was your entire friendship, and whatever else that was budding in between, all a lie?

"Please don't be mad."

You grit your teeth, slamming your locker door shut. It's Monday again, but this time, you spot a familiar shade of ash-blond dart around the corridor.

The twins are back again, but Lyney is uncharacteristically avoidant - he speaks to everyone normally but even your eyes on him are enough to make his posture shrink. And you don't know what to make of the flip in your stomach whenever he refuses to meet your eye.

Was this an act, too?

You don't know if you'd rather he be genuine or a great deceptor.

-

By the time you've become numb to the fact that Lyney had known your identity and somewhat-betrayed your trust, the boy in question was still tip-toeing around you.

It's almost impressive, considering how it's been a month. You've spent many restless nights coming to terms with the situation. It's time to move on.

...But why did he have to be a Phantom Twin of all things?! And the more annoying one, too!

"You're no longer mad at us." Lynette observes, while you're both working on a paired task. "But there's something on your mind."

You hadn't been as close to Lynette in the past, but since her brother has been avoiding you like the plague, she's taken the initiative to reassure you that both her and the third agent that night (Freminet) do not intend to spill your secret. Even their higher-ups won't know of it.

"I hope you will be able to do the same for us. While I cannot guarantee that we will never face each other again on the field, we are all still teenagers at the end of the day."

Teenagers who swing from rooftops and risk their lives every other weekend - but you understood what she was trying to say.

"How come you've never asked me to talk to Lyney?" You ask.

"Because he'll never forgive me if I pushed you into an artificial conversation." She hums, writing down notes. "Despite how he seems, my brother is quite a romantic and was very stricken with you. I'm afraid if you went up to him only to tell him off, he might never show his face in public ever again."

You tell Lynette she's exaggerating. She shrugs and returns to writing your report.

You decide to put Lyney out of his misery by cornering him after this class. Granted, the method sounded a little aggressive, but it was truly the only way for you to face him for more than ten seconds before he tried to evade you again.

"Ah, are you here to borrow the lab notes? I'm almost done, so I'll get out of the-"

"Lyney." You stamp your hand on the pile of papers, just as he placed his worksheet onto the top. Lyney tries to free it, fails, and hesitates. "I'm not mad anymore."

In the privacy of the empty room, Lyney's gaze drops to his feet. "...Not mad about what?"

Feigning ignorance? Or trying to pretend like nothing happened?

You lick your lips, thinking about what you should say. Subconsciously, you lean against the hand that's still placed atop the papers. It partially cages Lyney against the desk. "Well, I had a dream recently that someone close to me had a big secret, and it really changed the way I saw him."

Lyney desperately wants to say that your words are the only thing he's paying attention to, but when you're this close, his eyes can't help but dart between your arm and your moving lips. He can feel his guilt and feelings for you knot together, choking him. "I see. In what way did your opinion change?"

"I suppose that's up to you." At that, Lyney snaps out of his nerves in newfound surprise. "What were your intentions after you found out who I was? Did you only try to get close to me as part of some scheme?"

A pause. You continue. "Or did you think of it as some sort of game?"

When the show is over, only those behind the stage know what is real after the curtain call.

You think back to his initial animosity against Spiderman, and how it shifted. You think about his initial charms which have softened from rose-colored to fleeting lilac as you started to get to know the 'real' Lyney.

Then, how it all came to a halt as the same purple gaze trembled with strain.

"Playing with my knowledge was never my intention," he says, "to be honest, you stopped being a pursuit to me the moment I started to care about you." Lyney meets your eyes. "Even before finding out, I'd already... and I know you might not believe me, but knowing who you are didn't change my mind one bit. Manipulating you was the last thing on my mind."

"Then what was the first?"

"That the person I'm falling in love with was destined to be my foe." His lips press into a line. "That I didn't know how I'd face you the next day if I caused an injury that couldn't heal. That I didn't know how many sorries would be enough if I did expose you, and changed your life for the worst."

A beat. A reply.

"The first thing I thought of after I left the water, was that I've never seen you so scared." You admit. Your heart is in your throat. "Stupid, isn't it? Instead of worrying about my safety, I was thinking about how worried my enemy looked about my reaction. If you really were just trying to bait me with feelings, I guess that worked-"

Something warm cups your cheeks. Lynette's always said that her brother's blood ran hot.

You didn't realize you'd started crying.

"I don't know what I have to do to convince you of this, but I'd carve out my heart to prove it to you if I could." Lyney leans close like he's uttering a prayer. A fire in his eyes is trying to burn your fears away, but a million regrets are swirling in his gaze, too. "If I'm lying, you should be the last person beating yourself up over it. Just give your anger to me."

You take a deep breath, steadying your voice. Despite yourself, you laugh. "That's not a very healthy solution."

"I deserve it." His hands start to fall away. "I know it's out of our control, but I shouldn't have called out your name and-"

The sound of items crashing to the ground interrupt him. From behind Lyney, a cat has snuck in through the window and pushed all the items from the shelves onto the floor.

"Meow." It greets.

A part of you regrets how fast Lyney's warmth leaves you when you step away, but try to focus on the feline intruder. "Just how did you climb all the way up here?" You ask, about to pick it up to return it outside when the cat leaps from on top of the shelf and over your head.

"Look out!"

In a matter of moments, the world topples over and is blanketed by worksheets fluttering to the floor. You've fallen onto the ground while trying to dodge the cat, who's landed on the desk and sent the papers flying in the air.

And Lyney, who was behind you, had tried to shield you - only to find himself in a precarious position, with his arms propped around your sides and caging you against the ground. He's keeping himself hovering above you, but his ears are turning red. "A-Are you alright?"

"Lynette was right." Your mouth starts moving before you can think. "We should've talked sooner. You've already lost all your silver-tongued charm."

"I don't think all the charm in the world would be able to express what I'd want to you." Lyney seems to have returned to normal, save for his blush. As he sits up, he pulls you with him so that the both of you are still close together. "Was that a bit of your vigilante that I heard?"

"What can I say? I only know how to crack jokes at the worst times." You smile. "I'm surprised you haven't tried taunting me yet. Not as mean as you tried to seem?"

"I'll only be mean if you want me to be."

The thought makes you flush. "What kind of-"

But before you can finish, the door swings open. There stands a calm Lynette and concerned Freminet.

"Oh? I see the two of you have made up. Quite dramatically, in fact. Good work, brother."

"Wait, Lynette-"

"We'll delay the teachers a little longer." The door clicks closed.

You burst out laughing at the way Lyney's holding his face in his hands. "Your sister's great."

"I'm glad at least you're amused." He mutters, peeking over his fingers with a cute furrow in his brow. "I take it that this means we're friends again?"

You hum thoughtfully, taking one of his hands to entwine yours together. "Just friends?"

The way Lyney's pupils dilate might just be worth the trouble you both went through, to get here.

-

Post-resolution headcanons!

The Phantom Twin's missions and yours still clash from time to time, but since you're aware of each other's identities, there's a lot more diplomacy. The twins have told their Father that after the battle with the narwhal, a new truce of sorts has been established. Arlecchino has decided not to pry.

Lyney is still insufferable in his masked form. You're convinced that it's just part of the persona he puts on during his work - and despite knowing it's him, your dynamics don't change too much when interacting as Spiderman and Phantom Twin. There's less anger and aggravation from you, replaced with exasperation and competitiveness. You'd like to think it's a healthy separation of your private and public lives. You're guilty of having your own superhero-personality, too.

Lyney and Spiderman however? It's almost uncanny how his civilian self slips into a sharp, knowing gaze and asks leading questions to you. He's always careful about looking too comfortable with Spiderman, but aids you in figuring out villain schemes in a subtle way. You wonder with a chill if that's what his expressions look like under his mask during his agent work. And what other personas he may have under his belt (surely they also functioned with other disguises, rather than just the Phantom Twins)

Oh, but as just Lyney and the regular you? He's happy to partake in your diagrams and investigation files, so long as it doesn't affect the House of Hearth's business. This is where you get the chance to appreciate and witness Lyney's wit, which he often hides behind his cleverly charming personality. If he catches you staring, he smiles. It's been a while since he'd stopped getting flustered from being admired by you.

And as the regular you and Phantom Twin Lyney... it's a rare occurrence, but Lyney's good at greeting you in passing with a small nod or glance. If you're stuck in between one of his fights, however... you may or may not be prone to joining in with a haphazard weapon (the last one was a metal pipe) to whack the pursuer over the head with. Lyney has to admit it was very hard not to kiss you on the spot.

Your version of the upside-down Spiderman kiss is you hanging from the monkey bars in the gym or other sort of furniture, surprising Lyney with a smile. The two of you are too careful to do such a thing the traditional way, with you in your hero-form and sneaking a kiss in the night. But Lyney won't say he hasn't daydreamed about it. If only both your lives weren't so riskily intertwined!

Regular dates include cute cafe visits, studying in the library, in either of your homes... your favorite memory is when Lyney cooked for you during a sleepover, and you played a range of board and console games with his siblings before turning in for the night.

...You'd woken up with Lyney clinging to you, unsure of how you'd shifted closer in your sleep. A polaroid of that day still sits in your wallet. You suppose if anyone ever tried to find out your or the Snezhevich siblings' identities, you'd just play the fool and proudly label the cute ashen-blond as your boyfriend.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I guess I understand the need for Drama but I just can't see the biggest problem of s3 being Ed and Stede bickering and not getting along. Like the major defining point of their relationship is they truly understand each other and get along so stupidly fucking well that really it only makes sense for there to be a time skip because barring external factors they're just going to be living it up for a while. They will need to learn how to make a long-term relationship Work but they're gonna be alright. Anne and Mary's warning wasn't about how they're doomed to become bored and annoyed by each other, it was about how they need to learn to communicate, and they've already made progress.

Like. I genuinely cannot see them getting annoyed or fussy with each other over little things. If Ed showed up to their house with a bunch of baby goats in tow and plans to start the best goat's milk soap company the world has ever seen, Stede's reaction would be "well I'll start on building a fence for the goats I guess"

[drdemonprince]

on the topic of your "bad gender" posts, the one you made mentioning sexual abuse (especially by mothers) is something nobody talks about at all and I'm glad you mentioned it.

My psychiatrist said I have CPTSD after I went through a huge breakdown after putting pieces together that I've been experiencing long-term sexual abuse from my mother (incredibly long story, but you get the idea). I still completely struggle with seeing what she's done and does as abuse, because it is totally buried in my mind that it is not abusive or strange because she is my mother. No matter how many times my friends and partner say it's wrong, or things like "imagine if it was your father", or my DBT therapist is straight up with me and tells me I was groomed by her, I just cannot get the idea that her being my mother specifically makes her behavior acceptable. (especially since I didn't come out as broadly transmasc until I was 18, and was thus seen as a complete extension of her and her body prior to).

I genuinely cannot comprehend where the line is between normal care and abuse because of what I've learned (from her or otherwise) maternal care looks like "compared to" paternal. And I just haven't found anything that's been able to really help me grasp what I've experienced because I just cannot understand why, or what I can do. The only thing I've found with others describing my specific experience is the MDSA subreddit, which is usually just extremely triggering for me to browse (obviously the content, but also the daughter framing and just the everything about it) so I don't go there, but it has shown me that many of us have lived very similar experiences, we just rarely recognized it as abnormal because it was our mother. Perceiving men as the inherently "bad gender" especially in terms of sexual abuse just makes me see red, and is a lot of why this can keep going on unnoticed. I don't really know what I'm trying to say, and I'm sorry to dump this here. It's hard to discuss the nuance of it without being kinda specific. I just saw you mention it and I rarely see the topic brought up, so I guess I just wanted to say thank you for doing so

Thank you so much for sharing this, anon. SO many children endure parentification, spousification, covert incest, and sexual abuse at the hands of their mothers and never get that mistreatment recognized as such because people view women as benevolent, passive caretakers rather than full human beings who are capable of harm. Adults wield immense power over children, particularly parents, and this power structure functions in much the same way men's power over women does -- it makes children into the property of adults, and facilitates abuse.

You are not alone in this experience at all. I'm sure you've heard all about Jeannette McCurdy's Memoir, but if you haven't read it, you might find it affirming. The poet Anne Sexton also sexually abused her daughter, Linda, who wrote a memoir about it called Searching for Mercy Street that is also a powerful read. The host of the podcast The Mental Illness Happy Hour is an adult survivor of covert sexual abuse at the hand of his mother, and he speaks about it quite frequently and thoughtfully on his show, and has interviewed numerous guests who have also survived covert incest. As a male survivor of sexual abuse at the hands of a woman, he's a rare, needed voice, and I've gotten a ton out of listening to it. There's also a self-help book on covert incest that I've read and appreciated called Silently Seduced. You may also find value in Issendai's analysis of estranged parent forums -- lots of documentation of abusive female parents and how they justify themselves to be found there, and the author eviscerates it expertly.

I hope that reading and listening to some of this material will help you to more clearly see the outlines of your own abuse and to recognize it as wrong and distinct from true maternal care. It wasn't my mom who was the chief boundary violator in my household, it was my dad, but a lot of what he did mimicked the traditionally "maternal" abuse profile, and all these resources helped me wrap my head around it a lot better. It's triggering stuff, but I think it is worth plunging these depths when you feel safe to do so, to what ever degree you can comfortably manage. You might want to dig up the Mental Illness Happy Hour episodes specifically about the host's abuse experience first, since that focuses on a man's experience of having been groomed by his mom.

Thanks for writing. My inbox is open if you wanna talk. This stuff was a foundational trauma for me that I have processed heavily and I'm always willing to discuss it more with people who have been there. <3