#i fucking miss you so much

[1v1-me-irl]

I have a collection of poems written in my drafts from 2015 that every time I remember it I want to post, but then remember that I wrote them for Pretty Boy who is no longer with us and can’t bring myself to do it

Would you be happy or heartbroken to know I want to share those feelings with someone new

[stilldreaminaboutyouandme]

I wish we could have talked about us. I wish we could have made it. I wish you knew how much I love and miss you. I wish i could stop my tears from falling. I wish you the best even if it’s not me :’( 

You are everything I ever wanted and I would be so damn happy if we could stop this ghosting.... We both chatted indirectly with each other through our tumblr posts, we both “stalked” each other and we both somehow cared for the other, BUT why the hell did we not talk and get this shit out of the world to get back together?! I don’t get it.... You said and showed me so much love every fucking day, is everything gone? :’( 

Yes I made mistakes.... but I’m only human. I noticed and changed my mistakes for me (and surely somehow for you). It’s hard to face my past in therapy but everything is so much better without the drugs, with all the sports I’m doing, with the therapy, with more contact to my dad (even if I’m crying many times). It’s getting better and better. The time without drugs gave me a better working brain and time to feel emotions and think about Y O U .... Everything turned out so much better, but the ONE AND ONLY thing that’s missing is YOU. Every fucking day, every hour, every minute, every second I can’t think about anything else than you and if that’s not enough you appear in my dreams as well :’( 

Is there no chance for you to give me a retry, a second chance, a continue? 

I promise I won’t let you go, I won’t disappoint you and I will LOVE you till the end.

[weitueberdendaechernderstadt]

Lying awake at night wondering how we ended up here.

[imactuallysuicidal]

I don't know how I'm supposed to do this without you. Without you for months. Years. Forever.

I can't wait until I can finally end it.

[bill-nye-official-blog]

lying in a tear soaked valley

can't dislodge my thoughts of you

I've been right here for the last three days

wondering where you'll be

it's been some time since we last talked

nothing much has happened but the world has passed me by

Nothing on my mind but you

I'm lost in the labyrinth that we designed.

I fight every day to remain okay

hoping that you're okay too

keeping up my chin holding up my head

keeping up the act, holding on by a thread

Missing you more than I need

Loving you more than you can see

[gaypeachy]

Robbery is MY song dude, it’s the only song I’ve consistently listened to and jammed to regardless of mood or mental state, its the song all my friends meme me for, it’S my FUCKING JAM and knowing I’ll never get to experience live now just makes me hurt everywhere I’m 

[urstrulynoctis]

you always told me "mag iingat ka" everytime i go somewhere

[sewerfrog]

it’s eating me alive not talking to you

[stilldreaminaboutyouandme]

Broken <3

Ich weiß, dass ich durch meine Lügen dein Herz und dein Vertrauen gebrochen habe. Durch diese scheiß Aktion habe ich jedoch mein eigenes Herz mitgebrochen. Und das traurige ist, dass du darauf hin mein Herz weiter und weiter gebrochen hast, immer und immer wieder. Dadurch, dass du mir anfangs Hoffnungen gemacht hast, mich dann ständig “warm gehalten hast” indem du mir sagtest es kann in der Zukunft nochmal was werden. Und ich habe mich so bemüht dir zu zeigen wie sehr ich dich liebe und zurückwill. Jeden Tag habe ich auf eine Reaktion deinerseits gehofft und jeden Tag bis heute bin ich wegen uns noch am heulen :’( 

[twoten21]

No. I’m not doing okay.

I realize I’m gonna become a sore topic to bring up and people will never know what to say to me, then I’m going to isolate myself from the world and make myself feel so alone. I’ll be swimming in my ocean of sorrow until it eventually drowns me one day. At that point I’ll be too exhausted from swimming through this fucking dark, murky ocean for so long that I won’t fight it anymore. And it’s crazy cause I’m looking forward to drowning, not having to fight so hard. Relieve me from all this.

[beidoukomskaicrux]

October 21, 1956 - December 27, 2016

"I don’t hate hardly ever, and when I love, I love for miles and miles. A love so big it should either be outlawed or it should have a capital and its own currency.” - Carrie Fisher

[atinyjedi]

I just want my best friend back but I'm so fucking stupid and selfish I went a ruined everything and it's my fault

[welostoursmile]

I read his name, I cry. I see a picture of him, I cry. I hear Mike mention him, I cry. I hear his voice, I cry. I think of him, I cry.

I'm so sick of this. Fuck grief, fuck pain, fuck missing someone, fuck death and fuck every fucking little thing that led to this. I'm so done.

[sunlightslut]

I've been procrastinating all night because all I can think about is planning a summer trip to Thailand with my best friend and running away from college forever :(