#i fucking love outreach man - it’s so fun!

[starbuck]

the fact that i enjoy talking in front of other people and gain energy and mental peace from running large group events is so fucking funny and truly the world’s biggest plot twist.

[invisibleraven]

Oh no, she's hot

Reggie x Kayla x Julie (did we say that was Royal Purple?)

When Julie entered the LBGT Alliance at UCLA she never expected to find love. She had expected finding people who had similar life experiences, doing outreach, planning Pride events, and offering peer counselling when they could.

She never expected Reggie.

Reggie who was a year older and was openly bi, but confessed he'd only figured it out in the last year, so a few of his awful relatives teased him about going through a 'college phase'. Reggie who had a few dates with guys and girls, but confessed he was honestly looking for someone to connect with. Who was quiet about his family, but loud about his band. Who flirted with ease but no seriousness, just loving to make people blush and scoff at his over the top lines.

Reggie who Julie found herself falling for every meeting.

Then, to make matters worse, he came in one day, glowing and going on and on about his date the night before with Kayla. She was a dance major, openly queer, and apparently made brownies to die for.

"She has class right now, but if things keep going well, I'll bring her to the mixer next week," Reggie promised, blushing and grinning when the other members slapped his back and teased him about how smitten he already appeared.

Julie tried to be happy for him, really she did. Reggie was a great guy; he was sweet, talented, smart (Julie was relying on him to get her through entry level Calculus honestly), and he deserved to find someone who made him light up like Kayla did.

But she was also a little jealous, a little heartbroken, and resolved to either not go to the mixer or to get spectacularly drunk at it and throw herself at the first cute girl she saw.

The next Friday night, Julie decided, fuck it, she was putting on her favourite rainbow crop top and going to the mixer, broken heart be damned. She got herself a cheap drink, and started grooving on the floor of the bar the Alliance had rented out for the night.

She danced with Lilly, the adorable nonbinary person from her English class, twirled around with Mac, who was in his drag queen persona and looked fierce as fuck, and even did a turn or two with Justine who had been eyeing her since the fall but Julie had never given much thought to other than thinking she was super nice.

But then she saw Reggie walk in with a girl on his arm.

"Oh no, she's hot," Julie moaned. "Of course she's hot."

Kayla was indeed hot in her purple pastel wig, her shiny holo mini dress and mega watt smile. Reggie was looking at her like a man besotted, and Julie wondered if she could sneak off to the bar for another drink before he spotted her.

"Julie!"

No such luck. She plastered a smile on her face instead. "Reggie!" she pulled him into a half hug. "Looking good as always."

"Not as good as you darlin'," he said, her blush rivalling his own. "This is Kayla."

"So you're the infamous Julie," Kayla smirked. "I swear this one won't shut up about you. Good thing I'm not the jealous type."

"You're poly, isn't that the antithesis of being jealous?" Reggie asked.

"Not always," Julie corrected. "I'm no stranger to the open relationship myself but I still get jealous all the time."

"Well Miss Molina, you wanna dance?" Kayla asked. "I would love to talk to someone who really gets it." She pointed at Reggie. "This one is trying, but he's new to it, so it's harder for him."

Dammit, she just had to be charming and nice too didn't she?" Julie thought. Plus the fact that she was poly... well Julie's blush wasn't fadig any time soon. "As long as Reggie doesn't mind."

"Oh yes, boo hoo, I have to watch my gorgeous girlfriend dance with one of the hottest girls here, whatever shall I do?" Reggie said sarcastically. "Go have fun, but you two better save a dance for me later."

"We just might!" Kayla called out before dragging Julie to the dance floor. The girl had moves too, and Julie found herself laughing and having a ball as Kayla twirled her around, the two of them getting along like a house on fire.

"I suppose we should go back to Reg before he starts to pout!" Kayla yelled over the music. "And see if he'll buy us both drinks!"

"I bet if we pouted back enough he would!" Julie giggled.

Of course Reggie bought them drinks, and Julie begged off the next dance to sip hers slowly. Watching Reggie and Kayla on the dance floor, she still felt that pang of jealousy. But this time it was to be out there with the both of them.

Only when her drink was finished, Reggie dragged her out with him, hamming it up while Kayla hit the bathroom. Then the next dance she was caught between them, and she was sure her heart would combust with how right it felt.

She had to get out, and when the dance finished, she thumbed towards the door. "Gotta get some fresh air!" She bolted, leaning against the brick facade outside, breathing in the cool breeze, and wondering if she should cut her losses, just go home.

"Julie?"

She turned, and there was Kayla, flanked by Reggie. "You okay Jules?" he asked kindly.

"Drank too much, got kind of dizzy, think I need to call it a night," Julie lied.

"Well how about we take you home then?" Kayla offered.

"You guys can stay, have fun," Julie waved them off. "It's not far, I can get an Uber, or even walk."

"Julie all my drinks have been non-alcoholic, I'm good to drive," Reggie said.

"And we'd worry about you if we didn't make sure you got home safe," Kayla added.

Julie sighed, knowing there was no getting out of it. "Fine, let's go."

Reggie offered her his elbow, with Kayla gleefully taking the other, walking towards his truck. "Honestly I'm glad for the short night," he said. "The mixers aren't really my scene."

"Then why did you go?" Julie asked as she hopped up between them in the cab of the vehicle.

"I wanted you and Kayla to meet," Reggie replied, and started driving. "I figured you two would hit it off."

Kayla grinned. "And we did! Good thinking baby." She leaned in and pressed a sticky kiss to Julie's cheek. "At least I think so."

"Um I... yes, we did," Julie turned to Reggie. "Are you okay with that?"

He smiled. "I told you, I set it up. I like Kayla, I knew she'd like you, and well, you do. Win win."

"I like you too," Julie whispered.

"Told you so!" Kayla crowed. "You owe me five bucks!"

"Yeah yeah," Reggie grumbled, handing over the bill. "I like you too Julie. So maybe tomorrow we can sit down and figure out how this can work out for all of us?"

"Sounds good," Julie grinned.

They dropped her off soon after, and well, how good it would work was confirmed by the toe curling good night kisses Julie got before going inside.

And by the next mixer she could claim to have the hottest partners there, even if Reggie and Kayla liked to joke that they did too.

Unexpected? Sure, but Julie was so glad for it, because the unexpected led her to a love that was extraordinary, and that was better than any expectations she ever had.

[theamericanbeauty-natalia]

❛ INTERVIEWS ARE LIKE CONFESSIONS..

get the fuck up out my dressing room, confusing me with questions like.

“What have you been up to in the past four years?”

Interviews were second nature to a girl like Natalia. As easy as riding a bike, as brushing her hair. She’d been prepared for them with unrelenting detail. Her articulate tongue and poised replies the by product of a mother who never accepted any less than perfect. “Thank you for the question.” Earnest twinkled in her rich, mahogany hued eyes. Lia loved questions about herself. “What a wonderful four years it has been.” Her hand pressed to her chest, over heart heart. “During which time I have been so fortunate to participate in academic advancements and community outreach.” Which was a fucking lie, but who would ever know what she’d been up to at a college out of state?

“You have 24 hours left to live, what are you going to do in your final hours?”

It was meant to be a fun question, she was sure. These were her least favorite. The ones she could never, ever truly answer honestly. Because if she were honest Natalia would say she’d run naked through the streets and find her way onto the cover of every newspaper, the headline of a dozen online media outlets. The first day of her life in the after, and she’s all anyone would be talking about. Natalia Vega. The center of attention. Even in death. “If I only had twenty-four hours left to live I would spend it with my family and friends.” Maybe the latter was true, but the former certainly wasn’t. Since moving back, Natalia had done everything she could to avoid her mother; the only family the young woman had to speak of.

“What do you dream of?”

Eyes almost red in their mahogany hue glimmered with a hint of authenticity. “I dream of..”  What she thought every girl dreamed of; passion, devotion, excitement, happiness. A curated fantasy. A ring rock on her finger. A white picket fence. The prettiest babies in the nursery.  A family who would love her, that would never, ever leave her. It was an answer she probably could’ve given had she not grown accustom to the armor of half truths and lies. “..a world without hungry children.” The perfect, pageant queen reply.

“What’s your relationship like with your parents/guardian?”

A crack in her armor. The weak link her her chain mail of defense. She hated them. One for their presence, and the other for their lack there of. No one could take away the pain of being abandoned and used by the two people in this world who were meant to protect her. No man’s arms strong enough or bed warm enough to pull together the splinters of a heart broken long before even her first kiss. “I am so grateful for all the love and support in my life.” It was the first answer that actually sounded fake, but she did her best to sell it with a mega watt smile. “I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without them.” A truth darker than anyone knew.

“Where do you see yourself going from here?”

There was always a question about the future. In every interview. People couldn’t help but ask — what’s next? It seemed to be the natural sequence of things. Constantly looking forward, towards the every looming future. Natalia’s full lips, perfectly painted a pretty pink, pursed in poised contemplation. She gave her answer some real thought, because for once she didn’t know the answer. Well, she knew the prepared response, but she herself didn’t know what came next. After being expelled from college in her last semester for sleeping with her married professor, she didn’t have a lot of prospects in life. In fact, Natalia didn’t even have a job to speak of. Her former lover secretly foot the bill for her apartment and daily living expenses, but who knew how long that’d last? Until his wife found out, just like the affair itself.

“I don’t f—“ fucking know. It was right there. On the tip of her tongue. The god’s honest truth, so close to shattering the glass of the house she’d built to hide all her soft parts in. The insecure, lonely, desperate parts that just wanted needed to be loved. “..feel like we’re promised more than today. So, from here?” She looked around the room to insinuate she meant this very moment. “I’m going to see an old friend.”

[nuts-but-as-a-treat]

Hey y'all!! I'm Lizard (they/them)

About me:

Got the tism (also just found I have ADHD so that's fun)

Really into ATLA rn, just started the last season

I'm currently playing Spiritfarer and Animal Crossing-New Horizons. I also have played a little Kingdom Majestic, pretty ok, but I feel like it needs more.

I adore cooking, I spent years as a vegetarian, but couldn't keep going due to my health (I can still give kickass recommendations)

I'm a sophomore in Crop Sciences, and I'm always looking for stuff to make Academia more bearable

I fucking love plants

No really, I made a cabbage hat and bag that I will use in youth outreach hopefully for my job (being the cabbage man is a personal goal)

Pretty good at German, speak enough French to get by, and studied Spanish for years, but my speaking skills have flown away, when I try to speak Spanish, it becomes an unholy amalgam of 75% Spanish words with poor grammar, and 25% German with a Spanish accent.

Tried to learn Arabic, would love to pick it up again one day

Feel free to ask me anything

Or don't, I'm not a cop

[melodyofmbaku]

Long, Lost & Found (Erik Stevens x OC)

Prompt: “Keep those pretty eyes open.”

Word Count: 1,273

Warnings: ⚠️ Smut ⚠️

For the lovely @kitesatforestp 💜I took a while to fully flesh it out but I hope you like it.

She had volunteered to chaperone the camping trip for the Wakandan outreach center and was already drained.

Soon her coworker made herself known by exiting the washroom.

“Long day?” She inquired.

Alicia rolled her eyes. “You have no idea. I didn’t know the flavour of Kool Aid was really that important to kids. I’ve spent the whole afternoon mixing red.”

She considered her sticky red hands and smiled. “I’m glad they’re having a good time though. I just need a nap.” She stifled a yawn and crashed on the couch.

She heard the office door open and ignored it for scrolling on her phone.

She snickered at a TikTok on her phone and got comfortable on the couch.

“Alicia?”

She scrunched up her nose. Maybe if she pretended she was asleep they’d leave her alone. She couldn’t do another round of supervision. She’d hoped it wasn’t one of the camp counselors.

“Is that you?” The familiarity in the voice unsettled her.

“I’d know that laugh anywhere.” The voice said again.

She turned slowly and her breath caught in her throat. It couldn’t be, but it was. There he stood right in front of her.

Erik Stevens. Professional trouble maker and her high school sweetheart. The man that was supposed to take her virginity. Her first love.

The shock on her face couldn’t be contained.

Nikki looked between the two of them curiously. “I didn’t know you knew our guest speaker Alicia.”

“Guest speaker?” She asked.

“Prince Erik came to share some words to the kids during their camping trip. They love him. Why didn't you say anything?”

“I didn’t know that he’d be here.” She said lowly.

Struggling to take in the sight in front of her.

Erik, her high school heartthrob, had gone off the grid before graduating without saying a word to anyone.

They had made so many plans. She’d wanted to have her first time with him on prom night. They planned to move from Oakland to Houston, get a little house and raise an army of babies.

They never got to realize those goals and Alicia had been crushed, she’d thrown herself into college without bothering to date seriously until she was 23.

She was 28 now and it had been a series of failed sub 1 year relationships.

Now he stood in front of her thick with muscle and with a maturity that the Erik she knew 10 years ago could never possess. He was a bit of a hothead back then.

“Do you know each other well?” Her coworker inquired, snapping her out of her thoughts.

“Yeah,” she cleared her throat. “I know Erik from high school.” She avoided his eyes as his sought to find hers.

Nikki smirked and looked at the two before announcing her departure.

“Well I’ll leave you both to it.” She said before making her way over to the campsite.

“Where did you go?” Were the first words that left her mouth. Her gaze was hot and was accusatory. He deserved it.

“To take my place where I belonged.” He spoke, his voice gravelly and deeper than she remembered.

“You’re Wakandan…” she relaxed taking a look at his apparel and stature. It fit him. She admired his much longer locs and the jewelry embedded in them.

“Yeah. I — had to go. I needed to know the truth about my father. Where I came from, everything.”

“You look good. Like you found everything you wanted.” She said softly.

“Not quite.” He said lowly.

That’s how she ended up dressed in just her panties and a tank top with her legs spread in a damn cabin for Erik fucking Stevens. Her high school sweetheart.

“Erik…stop teasing” she complained.

“See that’s the thing…” he whispered into her skin. Almost in worship.

“I been trying to get between these thighs for so damn long. I wanna savor you.” He murmured as he ripped the lace panties from her body.

She gasped, scandalized. Her head hit the headboard. He was going to kill her. She would die having an orgasm in Erik’s arms and she would regret nothing.

What was he doing to her?

“But you were always so damn smart. Always studying and never wanting to turn up.” He reminisced running his hands up and down her thighs.

He kissed her mound and sat back taking in her wet sex. He breathed against it and she squirmed.

“She so damn pretty. She’s everything I ever dreamed of.”

He ran a curious finger down her weeping slit and looked at her directly in the eyes as her breath caught in her throat.

She grasped his hand to stop his assault but instead he used her hand to guide his into her entrance. He pressed his finger into her and smirked.

“Want more?” She nodded desperately.

He added another finger and began to stroke her insides slowly. She tilted her head back and her eyes slid closed.

Her eyes snapped open when she was met with the wetness of his tongue between her folds.

“Keep those pretty eyes open.” He smiled a small smile casually as if he was telling her to pass the salt.

He licked up her essence with vigor. Alicia felt her toes curl and her free hand fisted his locs.

“Erik” she moaned and stretched out his name, her back arched from the bed.

She tried to remove her hand from his wrist and he released it reluctantly and watched as she slapped it over her mouth.

“Shh baby girl.”

He placed a firm hand on her abdomen and pushed her body back down eyes never leaving hers.

“Im gonna take care of you princess. I have waited years for this. You gotta be quiet though. You don’t want your homegirls to hear you do you?” He cocked his head to the left and considered her wickedly.

“Erik I want it… you… right now.” She punctuated breathlessly.

“I hear you. I’m going to give you what you want Alicia I promise but I’m going to have to take my time with you mama.” He shook his head in mock sympathy.

“Erik please —“ a broken sound left her lips. He wasn’t going to let up. He was having entirely too much fun.

“You deserve it.” He kissed her forehead.

He slid his fingers out of her and she whined pathetically.

He laughed under his breath. “Come on girl that was kinda funny.” He goaded as she slid the zipper of his jeans down and the sound caused her to clench against nothing.

She glared at him and he pulled his impressive length from his boxers. He stroked it once. Twice. Eyes never leaving hers.

“Get over here.” She whispered hoarsely.

He took a step forward and lined himself up between her body. His hips between her legs.

He leaned down to cradle her face. She leaned into it and shot him a look. She had tears welling up in her eyes. Erik couldn’t tell if it was from frustration or hurt.

“You left me all alone…”

“I know.” He murmured rubbing his length between her lips but never fully sheathing himself in her.

“Don’t you ever do that again.” She demanded, fierce eyes pinning him in place. He brushed her cheek in admiration.

“Never again.” He promised the love in his heart swelling uncomfortably.

He swiped the rouge tear from her cheek with his thumb.

“I’m here baby. Don’t you worry about a thing. Daddy’s home.”

___

My requests are open. So if you’d like me to bring an idea you have to life, I write for all the black men in Black Panther.

With a heavy lean towards M’Baku contrary to popular belief. 😉

[wonderlustlucas]

jack pot ; part 1 - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt You know it’s bad when you’re high as a kite and he’s still on your mind. ⇢ pairing hwang hyunjin x female reader, seo changbin x female reader for like 2 minutes ⇢ word count 7.5k ⇢ genre fluff, angst (not heavy, just in a slow burn kind of way), slight smut ⇢ warnings drug use!!! & lots of it (marijuana), grinding, implied smut ⇢ summary College is a matter of working hard and playing hard. It’s an opportunity to start fresh, to grow as an individual and to blossom with those you befriend. People come and people go, leaving their mark on your life and showing you all the parts of becoming an adult. Some, however, do more than leave their mark. Some take just as much as they give. Things become complicated once they take the entirety of your love because you outright offered it to them.—college!au ; stoner!au ; friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n yo!!! disclaimer: this initially was going to just be a long one shot but i decided to split it up into 3 parts, so just to let u all know part 1 & 2 does not have a ton of hyunjin interaction, they’re more character/plot building. part 3 is when things will get spicy ♥︎ i hope u enjoy! if u rb make sure to let me know what u thought in the tags mwah also i finally switched from ___ to yn are u guys proud of me :)

prelude.

Sometimes you really, truly, honestly think you could go right ahead and kill Han Jisung.

You say it all the time. Sometimes it’s a simple, “I will literally kill you,” or when you are feeling extra spicy, “Sleep with one eye open tonight.” He, of course, laughs it off like you aren’t vibrating with the urge to kick his kneecaps in. You seriously have lost count of all the times he has brought you to the brink of insanity.

And honestly, you have watched enough murder documentaries on Netflix that you probably could do it, but, you know, spending the rest of your life in prison does not sound that appealing. Plus, there’s the ever-troubling detail that Han Jisung is the closest thing you have to a best friend. So, it sort of goes against your basic human morals to backstab—literally—the most important human in your life.

But he really makes you crazy. Why you agreed to share an apartment with him in the first place is a mystery, but the fact that you leased it again for junior year is what really makes you lose sleep at night. Because, while he may be your best friend, Jisung is the epitome of a little shit. If such a compound word was in the dictionary, it simply would say ‘Han Jisung.’ Somehow, though, it makes you love him even more. Maybe it’s true that ‘opposites attract,’ or, perhaps, maybe it’s because no matter how much embarrassment and general self-loathing he may have caused you in the past, it has benefitted you in the end.

For example, his constant teasing about your lack of friends eventually led to you befriending a group of girls you always admired from afar. His snarky comments concerning your nonexistent social life finally got to you and now you can proudly wear the title of one of the best beer pong players in your class. His presence in general has taught you to stand up for yourself and what you believe in, whether it’s against him, your parents, a toxic friend, hell, even a professor. Proving people wrong, especially Jisung, is your favorite pastime.

Sometimes, though, it’s not that easy.

There’s one area in your life where you have accepted defeat. One area in your life where Jisung has his most fun. One area, or, perhaps one person, where you simply cannot step beyond your comfort zone.

Hwang Hyunjin is your Achilles tendon and Jisung is the arrow. There are times, along with all the times you’ve considered strangling Jisung in his sleep, where you have sat and actually prayed to the gods to send someone else. Someone not nearly as perfect as Hyunjin and someone not nearly as unattainable. Alas, these prayers, hook-ups, Tinder dates, anything to get him off your mind has proved futile; because here you are three years later, stuck with this stupid, absolutely infuriating crush on the only boy who has ever owned your heart because you outright gave it to him.

one.

You are beginning to think the two bubbly junior girls who led the campus tour you attended last year lied about the dining hall.

Correction: they one hundred percent lied.

Because even though the newly renovated food court looks nice—unscratched linoleum floors, shiny marble countertops and all sorts of seating to choose from—there must be something fishy going on with the cooks. Literally. Just last week, an upperclassman had a breakdown when she forked into her tuna (why anyone would want college seafood is another story) to find a worm right there in the middle of it. You have found little shards of glass in the yogurt and bugs even at You-Cook, but that’s all a part of the college experience, right?

“Are you sure there’s no spiders or anything? Did you check?” Beside you, Maddie watches with furrowed brows as you spoon a hefty serving of scrambled eggs onto your plate. Chuckling, you move down to grab a few sausages and a chocolate chip muffin before they are gone for the rest of the day; Lord knows, you are only a month in and carbohydrates have quickly become your emotional support, just like everyone else. “Yes, I checked,” you assure her, hiding a laugh with your hand as she leans over to further scrutinize the eggs, “I didn’t see any arachnids.”

“Good,” she hums, satisfied with your answer, “can you grab a banana muffin for me? They’re usually at the bottom.”

Nodding, you turn back to the blessed muffin basket, pushing away blueberry, corn, double chocolate, all because Maddie has to be different and go for the macadamia nut banana.

“Are those the dinosaur socks they were selling on move-in day?” In front of you, someone asks, and your first instinct is to look down at your feet just to confirm. 8:30 calculus simply turns your brain to mush and remembering how you dressed for the day is near impossible. “Yes!” Laughing, you lift your leg to get a closer look at the cute green t-rexes on skates. “I was sold once I heard they were a dollar.”

Tearing your gaze away from said socks, you look up and suddenly feel as if you have bumped into an angel. Maybe there were spiders in the eggs, deadly poisonous spiders that crawled up the spoon while you weren’t paying attention and bit your hand and now you are dead and this is the angel leading you to the heavens. That, or this simply is the most beautiful human you have ever seen up close and your brain does not know how to process it. Well, maybe that’s a little extreme, but you definitely have never been so starstruck in your life.

The boy in front of you says something but you don’t hear it, senses and thoughts momentarily Off™ as you gawk at him. Aside from the deep undereye bags you all have claimed the past few weeks, this stranger is as close to perfect as you can get. Sure, Seungmin and his roommates are pretty cute—but what the fuck?

Something tells you that you have been silently staring at him, wide-eyed and mouth hanging open for far too long when his brows raise in a mix of confusion and expectation. Shit. What did he say? Synapses suddenly shooting like fireworks in your brain, you desperately try to remember his reply but instead, all you had focused on was the plumpness of his lips as he spoke and not the words themselves.

Clearing your throat, you blink once, twice, hoping you were hallucinating the whole time and the boy in front of you is not Hercules incarnate.

Lucky for you or him, you can’t tell, but he is still as attractive as he was two seconds ago. “Sorry, what?” You blurt, loud, too loud, flinching at the sound of your own voice. Instead of recognizing that you are totally off your rocker, he smiles, a soft, toothy smile that has your muscles turning to goo.

“I said I bought them, too,” cutest-boy-in-the-universe repeats, looking down and you follow his gaze, “my roommates were making fun of me, so I’m glad I finally found someone who bought them.” Alas, as he tugs at the fabric of his jeans to slightly lift the cuff you see that he, too, wears the same socks. You think you’re in love.

“Well, your roommates clearly have no taste,” you deadpan, shakily meeting his eyes once he looks back up. He laughs softly, eyes scrunching at the action and you positively swoon until silence settles over you and he takes the opportunity to regard you, gaze sweeping down your frame and up again. You hold your breath because, 1) holy shit, you would get on your knees for him right now and 2) you suddenly wish you were wearing more than the ‘just-woke-up-to-get-pegged-by-calc’ fit.

“I’m Hyunjin,” he finally says and you release all the air trapped in your lungs. “YN,” you return, grasping his outreached hand and thanking the heavens it is as sweaty as yours. “Well, it was nice to meet you, YN,” Hyunjin proceeds, releasing your hand and offering a gentle smile.

“You too, Mr. Sock Man,” you grin, rocking on your heels and realizing with a pang of disappointment that your breakfast has probably gone cold. Well, that’s okay, because right now you are totally content standing here in the middle of the dining hall, silently staring at this Hyunjin with a stupid smile plastered on your face. And the best part? He apparently is just fine doing that, too.

“YN!” Somewhere behind you, Maddie calls your name and it thrusts you head-first back into reality. “Did you find a banana muffin? I can’t find— oh. Who’s this?” Appearing beside you, visibly shocked having found you in a staring contest with a very tall, very cute boy. “Oh, uh,” you huff out a laugh, scrambling to get yourself together, “Hyunjin, this is Maddie, my roommate. Maddie, this is Hyunjin. We have the same socks.”

Brows shooting up at the puzzling introduction, Maddie bites back a laugh and looks back and forth between you and Hyunjin. “Well, you don’t hear that every day,” smiling to hide her confusion, she offers him a small wave with her hand full of muffin packs, “nice to meet you.”

Hyunjin smiles in return, gaze quickly returning to you. “I’ll be off, then. Gotta get the waffles while they’re still warm. I’ll see you around.”

And before you know it, he’s off toward the other end of the breakfast counter.

“Um, what the fuck?” Maddie whispers excitedly as you make your way toward your usual table, elbow repeatedly jabbing into your side. “I have no idea what just happened. I think I’m dreaming,” you sigh blissfully, relieved to find that Jisung and Seungmin were able to claim your favorite booth. “No, definitely not dreaming. He’s totally into you. You have to hang out.”

“What?” You sputter, nearly tripping over your own two feet. Then, lowering your voice as you near the two boys, “I – no, he isn’t. How can you tell? That was like, the cutest guy I’ve ever talked to, and you think he’s into me?”

“Who’s the cutest guy ever?” Jisung pipes up, eyes lighting up and you curse him and his fucking bat hearing.

“No one,” you grumble, smiling softly at Seungmin when he gets up so you don’t have to sit on the end, leaving Maddie to sit next to the other one. “Is it me?” Jisung grins with a flutter of his eyelashes. He’s convinced the only reason you dislike him is because you’ve actually fallen in love with him, but that’s far from the truth. You don’t even dislike him—he’s just one of the first guys you’ve met who meets your sarcasm with as much ferocity, and that is a hard pill to swallow.

“In your dreams, Han,” you sneer, gracing him with a dramatic eye roll before tearing open the bag of your muffin. Comfortable conversation quickly falls into place as you eat, complaints about your classes, Seungmin trying to convince you to join them at the first party they will be attending while Jisung mocks you for wanting to stay home, Maddie asking where Felix is and Seungmin explaining that he got so high last night he ended up staying up past four playing Overwatch and is currently sleeping past all his classes.

Then, in the midst of guzzling your apple juice, Jisung leans out of his seat to call down the aisle. “Hwang! Come pull a chair over!”

Curiosity peaked, you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and crane your neck to see over Seungmin’s fat head for who this ‘Hwang’ could be until, like the universe is really trying to kill you, the Hyunjin you met not even ten minutes ago has reached your table. “Hey,” he grins brightly, dabbing up the two boys before he glances to you, mouth promptly falling open. Certain you mirror the same expression, you struggle to find your words as Jisung and Seungmin look between you in shared confusion. “First we share socks, now it’s these dumpheads?”

Ignoring the way they scowl, Hyunjin giggles shamelessly and grabs a chair from an adjacent table to sit at the head of your booth. “It would seem that way.”

“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. You guys know each other?” Jisung scoffs in disbelief, pointedly looking at you as if you’ve gone and disproved everything he pegged of you. “We just met,” Hyunjin replies with a shy smile, sparing you a quick glance before cutting into his waffle. Jisung looks to you and you offer an affirmative nod.

“And how are you guys friends?” Maddie asks, sensing your panic. “He’s Changbin and Minho’s roommate,” Seungmin answers.

You choke on a mouthful of juice.

“Christ, you good?” Seungmin snickers, offering a few slaps to your back. With a muffled yes, you look to Hyunjin with pleading eyes. “Please don’t tell them I said they have no taste.”

He laughs, arching a brow at you. “No way. They’ll get a kick out of that.”

“Oh, Christ,” faking a cry, you bury your face into your palms, “so much for making friends.”

“It’s okay, YN,” Jisung soothes with faux sympathy, “no one wants to be your friend anyway.”

Scoffing, the table quickly falls silent when you look up with rage in your eyes. “I bet when someone asks your parents about you, they change the subject,” you spit, shooting daggers at him before stabbing your fork into an innocent chunk of egg. To your utmost surprise but total delight, the other three burst into a fit of laughter, leaving you smirking smugly and Jisung sulking.

“Anyway,” Maddie promptly changes the subject back to her chemistry professor who has started every class playing Britney Spears. Tucked away in your corner finishing the last of your sausage and stifling the urge to get up for more, it isn’t until Hyunjin begins to speak do you realize that you have been quietly watching him the entire time. You would blame the soft morning sunshine shining through the windows and illuminating the right side of his face for making him look so ethereal, but you know that isn’t the case; from short, messy black hair, silver hoop earrings, thick, defined brows, the soft curves of his nose and the pouty fullness of his lips, you are totally, completely mesmerized.

And then, the sole of a sneaker is slammed right into your shin. “OW!” You yelp, loud, and for a moment you forget the pain in favor of the embarrassment that comes with the number of heads that turn to look at you. “Sorry. Bit my tongue,” you lie, earning an unconvinced look from Maddie. “Go on,” you nod toward Hyunjin to continue whatever he was saying before directing a furious glare to Jisung, who fails to hide his triumphant smirk as he enthusiastically types on his phone.

Just as you have bent down to rub at your throbbing leg, your phone vibrates twice against the table.

han jisung [now] stop staring, ur lucky hwang is as dense as a rock or he would have left a long time ago bc of you

han jisung [now] so THAT’S the ‘cutest guy ever’ huh? so ur straight after all

Squeezing your hands into fists, you prepare to fire back a reply that will have him crying. But he has different plans.

“Oh, Hyunjin, did YN tell you she’s a dancer, too?” He exaggerates your previous mention of dancing and has the audacity to wink at you. Thanks, Mr. Match Maker.

“Really?” Hyunjin gasps excitedly, eyes lighting up and totally missing the flabbergasted what? that sputters from your lips.

“I – well, no,” you hiss, scowling at Jisung, “I used to do ballet when I was younger but that’s it. Why, though? Do you dance?”

“He’s here on a scholarship,” Seungmin explains, “and minors in creative writing.”

“Oh,” you squeak, glancing to Hyunjin who is all but smiling like a cherub, completely oblivious, “that’s amazing. You must have a crazy schedule.” Chewing the last of his waffle, he hums in agreement. “Yeah, it gets really stressful at times. But it’s worth it,” Hyunjin chuckles. Then fucking winks.

Unable to hold his gaze, you whip your head back around in a panic and reach for the mere sip left of your juice. “Speaking of crazy schedules,” he hums, slapping both Jisung and Seungmin on the shoulders, “I must head out. This was fun. I may start crashing the party more now.” Rising from his seat, Hyunjin swings his bag over a shoulder and grins brightly. Realizing it would be rude to not say goodbye, you force yourself to look back to him and offer a feeble wave.

“And YN, don’t bite your tongue when you eat, yeah?”

You’re going to pass out.

two.

Felix likes to think of you as his corrupted child when it comes to smoking weed.

A few weeks before you would all be returning home for winter break, he came knocking on your door with a proposition. “No one wants to smoke with me. Do you want to?”

This, for sure, was not what you were expecting on a cold Tuesday night in December. Despite the general curiosity and always wanting to ‘try it’ simply to feel like a teenager breaking the rules, you told him you never smoked before. “I know,” he said with a smile, “that’s why I’m asking.”

So, you agreed. Reaching for your hand, Felix snuck you out the window and led you halfway across campus to the junior parking lot, giving you ample opportunities to back out when he felt how badly you were shaking. “Whose car is this?” You laughed in disbelief when he unlocked a beaten-up Nissan near the outskirts of the lot.

“Kim Woojin. The junior?�� He replied once you settled in the passenger seat next to him. “Oh.” You blinked, confused. “He lets you smoke in his car?”

“He gets me weed, too,” Felix giggled, reaching into the pockets of his sweatshirt and coming out with two tightly wrapped blunts, each about two inches long, “I’ll turn the heat on a little so we don’t freeze but we have to keep the windows open. I’m not going to have you hotbox for your first time.” You had no idea what that meant, but you agreed nonetheless.

With a brief lesson on what to do that truly made no sense until you tried it for yourself, Felix lit the blunt, took a few small hits to get it started, and then passed it to you. Holding it gingerly between your thumb and index finger, you brought the unlit end to your lips and sucked as he instructed ‘like a straw,’ breathing it into your lungs and ignoring the faint taste of smoke. Unsure of when to stop, it wasn’t until your throat felt as if it was on fire did you realize just how much you had inhaled.

“Shit,” you wheezed, coughing and choking and watching with wide eyes at the amount of cloudy white smoke that left your mouth and nostrils. Passing it back to Felix, you scrambled for the cold water bottle he brought along, downing half of it in one go to soothe the burn. “Good?” He asked, blowing out the window and turning back to you with eyes full of concern.

“Yeah,” you huffed, “give me a few, though.”

Humming in agreement, Felix connected his phone to the car’s Bluetooth and began playing what he calls his ‘getting high playlist,’ and before long, you fell in love with the feeling.

When break was over, you were dying to try it again. Felix was more than happy to be of service.

For all of March, it turned into a daily thing.

Now, you try to smoke only once a week for the sake of not dying, or something.

australian felix kjellberg❤️ [now] come hang at 201?

When the text notification pops up in the corner of your laptop screen amid your YouTube binge, your bones jitter with a mix of dread and excitement.

Dread, because that’s Hyunjin’s room. Excitement, because that’s Hyunjin’s room.

Maddie must hear your sigh. “What’s wrong?” She asks from her cozied position in bed, hand deep in a bag of popcorn.

“It’s Felix,” you start, “but he said to go to Hyunjin’s room.”

She blinks, unfazed. “And? I don’t see the problem here.”

“Well, I don’t know,” you count on your fingers, “first, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin sober. Second, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin high. Third, I am very touchy when high. Fourth, Hyunjin is always touchy.”

Maddie scoffs. “That’s a pretty lame argument, YN,” she laughs, “isn’t that what you want to happen?”

“Well,” she’s got a point, “yes, but it still makes me nervous. He makes me nervous.” Closing your laptop, you shimmy out of bed and debate changing out of your cotton shorts and tee shirt. Nah. You’ll probably end up going back to Felix’s and sleeping there. You put a sports bra and deodorant on and call it a day.

Maddie finds this hilarious. “You know what should make you nervous? The fact that you’re usually the only girl getting high with, what? Six guys? You know they all want to fuck you.”

“I try not to think about that, actually,” cringing, you try to erase Felix’s voice when he’s high as a kite or Changbin’s arms from your mind, “and you don’t know that. Sometimes Ryujin and Lia are there. Or, you know, you could always come. You don’t have to smoke, just come hang out. I know you want to give Minho a fat smooch.”

Her nose wrinkles in disgust. “I love you, and I appreciate the invite, but I don’t feel like babysitting a bunch of stoners, even if Minho is there.”

Laughing, all you can offer her is a shrug. “I don’t blame you,” grabbing your phone, wallet, and charger, you make your way over to her and bend over to press a goodnight kiss to her forehead, “if you need me, don’t. I’ll probably be dead.”

“Oh Lord,” Maddie cackles, watching you struggle to open the window, “don’t die. I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“I’ll try,” you grin, military saluting once you’ve managed to flop over the ledge. With one last wave, you close the window behind you and thank admissions for giving you a room on the first floor.

[9:34 PM] YN: omw now, gather your forces to help me in :)

Nights in 201 are always interesting. First, their room is on the second floor, so climbing through the window is an experience. Things would be a hell of a lot easier if you could just walk in and out of residence halls as you please, but with the officer at the front desk documenting who comes in and who goes out, there would be a knock at the door at midnight asking you to leave. Second: as Maddie said, 201 means the whole squad is showing up. And when the whole squad shows up, you’re bound to feel a mix of anxiety and desire deep within your bones no matter how hard set you are on Mr. Hwang. And third: you know you’re in for one fucked up night.

[9:42 PM] YN: hereee

Standing awkwardly behind their building, you try and calm the nerves that always come when you know you will be with Hyunjin. Considering how close the two of you have become over the past few months, one would think you would have gotten a grip on those pesky feelings.

Yet again, it’s kind of hard to do that when he looks and acts like that all the time.

When the window slides open, you are expecting Changbin to hang halfway out for you to grab on to with the rest of them holding onto his legs. Instead, a tall, metal ladder of sorts is pushed out until it lands with a thud! at your feet, granting you a perfect staircase into the room.

Well, you certainly don’t see that every day.

Blinking in confusion, you do not know whether to focus on the crowd of boys waving at you from above or this abomination of a stepstool that was practically thrown out a window for you. Accepting the chain of events as just another fever dream of an experience in 201, you shake your head and begin to ascend on shaky legs, graciously taking Jisung’s hand and clinging to both him and Seungmin as they help you into the room. “Thanks,” you huff, giving them both a hug in return to their chivalry. And they dare say it’s dead!

Behind you, Changbin and Hyunjin lift the ladder-stepstool mutation back into the room and it isn’t until they have folded it into a more compact piece and set it against the wall do you speak up.

“Did you… buy a ladder?”

“Yes!” Minho bellows, thrilled by your successful entrance. “Isn’t it great?” After pulling back from a hug, he keeps his hands on your shoulders just to shake you like a bobble-head.

“Yes,” you grunt once he’s released you, head swimming, “a lot easier than hauling both me and Changbin through the window, right?” Looking to said boy, you can’t help but melt into his side when he pulls you close. “No worries,” Changbin beams, rubbing your arm, “at least we have some funny memories now.” When he moves to flop onto his bed, you realize with a shudder that you are alone with Hyunjin.

Well, technically not alone since they are all right there, but alone in the sense that they are not paying attention to you nor him.

“Hey, YN. I missed you,” he singsongs, engulfing you in one of his monster bear hugs. Disregarding the heart palpitations they may cause, Hyunjin’s hugs are truly the best and you wish you would initiate them more if it didn’t seem like such a big deal in that smooth brain of yours. “I missed you, too,” you mutter into his chest, squeezing your arms around him as if to engrave this feeling into your mind forever. “We saw each other, like, five hours ago,” he reminds you, finally pulling back and taking your will to live with him. God, he has no idea.

“And? You’re the only one here who doesn’t make me suicidal,” you lie because, in reality, he actually does. Just in a different way. “Aw,” he coos, large hand squeezing your side and you think you could orgasm on command, “good thing we have tonight, then, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you squeak, finally remembering to breathe when he steps away to sit beside Seungmin on his bed. Suddenly, you are feeling incredibly grateful no one is next to Changbin because, well, 1) he is closer to Felix and 2), you need a distraction.

“Hello, Felix,” you greet the boy sunk deep in a bean bag chair, busy grinding leaves and packing them into the bowl of a bong. “How are you this fine evening, YN?” He asks once you have settled beside Changbin, brows knitting together when the older boy drapes his arm around your waist.

“Good. Tired, though. How ‘bout you?”

“You didn’t have to come if you’re tired! We all know you work your ass off, no one’s gonna judge if you chose to stay home and sleep,” Felix expresses, giving you a look that screams ‘mom.’

“No! I’m not that tired,” you assure him, reaching for his hand and squeezing for extra effect, “you know I wouldn’t miss this. You’ve made me a pothead.”

With a proud smile, he returns to his designated job and begins working on the second, smaller bong. “So,” stretching to set your things on the desk beside Changbin’s bed, you turn to him with a knowing smile, “how’s the album coming?”

“Great!” He beams, eyes lighting up at the topic. “Jisung is a great addition. Did I tell you we started meeting with someone else, too?”

“No, who?”

“He’s a sophomore, Bang Chan?” Somewhere behind you, Felix passes a bong to Jisung for the first hit. “Bang Chan? Holy shit, Binnie,” repeatedly punching his arm to express your excitement, “that’s amazing! I didn’t know he was into music production. Not that I’ve ever talked to him, but.”

“No, I get you,” he hums, giving your side a firm squeeze, “he’s really awesome making beats. I hope we’re successful.” Then, reaching past you, he takes the second bong and a lighter from Felix. When he resituates himself, he’s considerably closer than before. You don’t mind.

“Ladies first?” Changbin offers with a crooked grin, handing them to you. Then, on second thought, he holds onto the lighter to do the honors. “Sure. Thanks,” you laugh, glancing across the room to find everyone arguing over which color to set the lights to as they wait for their high. Bringing the tube to your lips, you offer a miniscule nod to him and then he is setting flame to the bowl. Sucking strong enough to generate bubbles, you unplug the bowl once he stops and breathe in as much as your lungs can handle in one go. Then, once you have exhaled, you quickly finish what’s left in the tube before passing it to Changbin with a pleased smile.

“That was a lot,” he points out once you have handed the bong back to him. “Hey, you’re the one who kept lighting it for thirty seconds. Mother would be proud,” you joke, reciprocating the same service and lighting the bowl until he glares at you beneath his bangs.

The best part about being high is the fact that you are constantly laughing. Things won’t even be that funny, but once someone starts laughing—you’re done for. You laugh so hard it hurts, and then once it’s all over, you realize it wasn’t funny at all. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like a squirrel?” Minho asks Jisung at some point. You absolutely loose it. It quite possibly is the funniest thing you have ever heard.

Pouting, Squirrel Boy leaves Minho alone on his bed to come crash beside you. “How are you, my tender oozing blossom?”

Squinting at him past the way your eyes burn, you make grabby hands and pull him close to wrap your arms around his teeny waist. Changbin grumbles in protest, but he’s too transfixed on the light’s soft in and out fade of different colors to say anything else. “Please, don’t ever call me that again,” you mumble into Jisung’s mop of brown hair.

“What?” He gasps, tilting to look up at you with puppy eyes. “You didn’t like it?”

“Nope,” smiling lazily, you rest your head atop his, “I love you, but I’m not ready for pet names yet.” His face morphs from a frown to one lit with excitement. “Holy shit, did you just say you love me? Do my eyes deceive me?”

“That would be your ‘ears,’ but yes,” you hum, brain simply not capable of denying it the way your sober self would. “More than Changbin?” Jisung whispers.

“Yes, but don’t tell him,” you return quietly, biting back a laugh.

“More than Hyunjin?” He counters. At this, you look up to find said boy sat with his legs to his chest across the room. Next to Seungmin, he looks like a giant; but a happy, pouty giant that keeps talking about how much he could go for a winter melon tea right now.

“Never.”

One and a half (half because it was just the rest of Minho’s terribly big hit that left tears streaming down his cheeks) and an unfinished game of Cards Against Humanity later, you find yourself in a blissful headspace. The song playing quietly through Felix’s speaker makes it feel like you are bouncing down stairs and then going up again, and the lights are oh so pretty, pink fading to red, yellow to green, blue to purple and so on. Things are fuzzy but crystal clear at the same time, the popcorn you’ve been shoveling into your mouth tastes heavenly, and your body feels like it is engulfed in a warm, comforting hug.

Or, that could just be Changbin.

Somewhere in between trying to get more comfortable and him yanking you to stay next to him when you attempted to get up and hug Seungmin for something sweet he said, you now find yourself on your back with a clinging Changbin on your side. You are so comfortable, but also insanely hot, and as you begin to slowly come down from your high as the hours tick by, you begin to realize it’s for another reason.

What started as an innocent hand on your side turned into his thumb rubbing meaningless patterns against your shirt, which then turned into his hand slipping beneath to splay against the warmth of your skin. Growing increasingly needy as the minutes go by, you turn to look at everyone around you. Jisung, who found himself returning to Minho, appears to be passed out with him on the far end of the room. Seungmin, curled up on the floor with a pillow and a heap of blankets. Felix, who finished off the rest of his weed, scrolls aimlessly on his phone still at the peak of his high.

And Hyunjin, who you assume has been fast asleep on his bed for a while now if the arm flung over his face tells you anything. For a moment, you feel sick with sadness. So close, but so far he lies, always a step out of reach. But you can’t deny how Changbin makes you feel—for right now, at least. And it would be a shame to miss out on an opportunity with someone else because the one you want is unattainable.

Right?

Changbin must sense the way your breathing increases, must feel the way your body reacts to the slightest of touches, yet he takes his time. He is soft in the way his hand travels up your arm, rough fingertips grazing over your collarbones before smoothing down over your chest and abdomen. It isn’t until you are about to burst at the seams does he give your ass a strong squeeze and urge your leg over his hips.

“Changbin,” you sigh, biting your lip to keep from whimpering when he begins pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down the length of your throat. “Please touch me.”

He only makes a sound of agreement, savoring the way you squirm and grip onto his arm for dear life. When he offers an experimental roll of his hips to grind against you, you practically go feral. The last time you were touched in such a way was at a party in the beginning of the semester Jisung and co. physically forced you to go to, and Changbin has barely even touched you and it’s already better than the rushed sex you had that night.

“Wait,” he huffs, pausing his ministrations no matter how difficult it is to do so, “we can’t.”

“What?” You hiss, trying to keep your voice quiet, “why?”

“Because you’re high, and I’m high, and I’m not going to do anything unless you really want me to,” Changbin explains, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips when you frown in response. “But I do want you to,” you huff, chasing his mouth for another, “I trust you one hundred percent.”

“Are you sure, YN?” What about Hyunjin? is what he really means and you know he’s right. You should have never told Felix.

Trying to ignore the wetness of your underwear, you turn to lie on your back. “Whatever. Never mind,” you mumble, and when you glance back to him, you can’t help the way your heart soars with him still pressed closely to your side, blinking tiredly at you. But like he said, it’s not Hyunjin. “Just get some sleep, Binnie. Forget it happened,” smiling past the tears that threaten to spill, you ruffle his hair and press a softer kiss to his forehead.

“I’m sorry,” Changbin whispers, returning the affection with a kiss to your shoulder. In minutes, he is snoring softly beside you.

You can’t fall asleep to save your life.

Reaching for your phone to check the time, you grit your teeth once you realize it’s almost four and you definitely have been staring at the ceiling for more than an hour. For starters, you are freezing now; unlike these passed out hooligans, you are showing a lot more skin and not being under the blankets is not doing you well. And secondly, it’s hard to fall asleep when your thoughts are flying miles a minute.

Is this how it’s going to be, then? Whenever you see someone, will the little guy on your shoulder whisper in your ear that it’s not Hyunjin? Or will people deem you off limits because they know of your infatuation? People who know, at least—Changbin is the first, apparently.

Just need to get comfy, you decide, trying to ignore such thoughts and turning to lie on your stomach. Bless Felix for leaving the lights on, too—you may be coming down from your high, but the vibe is simply immaculate. Tucking a hand under your cheek and following the ropes of light on the ceiling and up the walls, you find this to be enough to calm your nerves. Enough to make your eyelids heavy. Finally.

Someone lets out a monster train snore. Seungmin, you think, biting your lip to keep from laughing. Or, it could be Hyunjin. The thought is so amusing you can’t help but squint at the boy across from you to better see his outline, hoping he will do it again just to confirm.

No, not Hyunjin.

Because he’s facing you, eyes open, a soft smile plastered on his face. Well, fuck.

No reason to panic, you console yourself, returning a gentle smile in the assumption he can even see you. And you stay like that for a while, simply watching one another for an infinite amount of time. It’s not much, but it means something, you think, lost in the way the contours and highlights of his face change with each color the lights fade to. Just as you remember the whole point of getting on your stomach was to fall asleep, Hyunjin moves. Reaching for his phone, you watch in confusion as he brings it close to his face and starts typing.

hwang hyunjin👁👄👁 [now] Come sleep w me?

You almost throw up in your mouth. You must be dreaming. Surely.

Blinking against the harsh light of your phone, you cannot help your smile as you reread the text.

[4:02 am] YN: wont that b a little sus for bin

[4:02 am] hwang hyunjin👁👄👁: If anyone asks just say he kept kicking u or something

You don’t need to be told twice. Now that he has turned onto his side facing the other direction, Changbin does not stir once you slowly move to sit up and stand, nor when you reach for the quilt crumbled at the foot of the bed to pull over him. It’s not much, but hopefully it will keep him from waking in a few hours freezing to death. Then, as you tiptoe your way over to Hyunjin’s bed, avoiding Felix now that he’s sprawled half way off the bean bag, you cannot tell if you are still shivering from the cold or if the fact you are going to be sleepingwith Hyunjin in one, tiny single bed is finally clicking in your brain. Like Maddie said, this is something you want, right?

As you draw closer, Hyunjin shifts to make room and lifts the covers for you to quietly slip beneath. “Thank you,” you whisper, pulling the blanket up to your chin and trying to ignore the feeling of being so close to him. “Of course. You looked real cold over there,” he smiles tiredly. Then, his arm cautiously curls around you to rest by your head, fingers swiping stray hairs away from your face.

“I was,” you admit. Eyes level to his lips, you strain to look him in the eyes to resist the temptation now that he’s pulled you so close. “Changbin fell asleep and I felt bad waking him.”

Hyunjin doesn’t reply. He seems momentarily lost in thought, brows slightly furrowed as he chews on the inside of his lip.

“Do you like him?” He finally asks, voice shaky with hesitation.

“What?” You sputter, shocked at such a presumption. Yet again…

“No, no I don’t. I mean—as a friend, yes, but, you know,” you trail off, squeezing your eyes shut. You desperately wish you were not having this conversation right now. “He was touching you, though. And it looked like you liked it,” Hyunjin whispers, thumb swiping against your cheekbone.

“I mean, well yeah, I did. But I’m not close enough to like him like that. It’s just a physical attraction,” realizing you are discussing what went down with Changbin to Hyunjin, you suddenly pull back and lean up on an elbow to get a better look at him, heat now spreading up your limbs like fire. “Were you watching us, Hwang?”

“Yes,” he admits, “it’s kind of hard not to.” Your heart stops beating.

“I – what?” You manage once you have remembered how to breathe. “I didn’t know you were awake, we wouldn’t have… what do you mean, ‘it’s kind of hard not to?’”

“You know what I mean, YN,” Hyunjin mutters, arm slipping around your waist and pulling you to lie down with him again, this time, your chest pressed to his. “I like looking at you. You’re very pretty.”

You definitely must still be high, because you are seriously having a hard time wrapping your mind around Hyunjin calling you pretty, as well as being so close, and somewhere deep in your mind wonders if he knows. If he knows how your heart is on the line here. Knows that with him moving closer, you are taking a huge risk.

When Hyunjin kisses you, you forget that this could be the worst mistake you’ve made in a long time. Wrapped around his fingers, you pray this is his way of saying he feels the same.

“YN!” You wake to Seungmin gently shaking your shoulder. “YN, wake up. Your phone has been vibrating for twenty minutes now. It’s Maddie.”

The wave of panic washing over you dispels the grogginess you feel from suddenly being yanked from sleep, as well as the recognition of where you are and who you’re with. Frantic, you sit up and nod in thanks to him before taking the call. “Hello?”

“Oh, thank God you answered,” Maddie cries, voice choked, “I’m sorry, I know you’re still out, but I just threw up and I feel so terrible and when I get up I feel so nauseous. Can you come home?”

“Shit, Maddie, don’t apologize,” you whisper, rushing to grab your things as Seungmin unfolds The Ladder as quietly as possible, “I’m leaving now. Don’t move, you don’t want it to get worse. I’ll be there as fast as I can, okay?”

“Okay,” she whimpers before hanging up.

“Thank you, Minnie,” pressing a kiss to his cheek, you begin to climb down. “Is everything okay?” He asks, watching as you go with a worried frown. “Yes, it’s fine. Just a little emergency, don’t worry,” praying no one is out and about watching as you climb from the back of their building, you rush back to help Maddie as fast as you can.

You stay back in your dorm with Maddie for the rest of the weekend, fetching her water and ginger ale and food she can handle, helping her to the restroom, and binging all sorts of shows and movies with her. Seungmin, Jisung, and Minho visit Sunday evening, joining you for a few hours to watch Pokémon. You think it’s just because Minho knew it would be a good opportunity to snuggle with Maddie.

You can’t help but feel disappointed when Hyunjin isn’t with them. You refrained from telling Maddie what happened in 201, too caught up wanting to make sure she was alright, and by now you are starting to feel as if it wasn’t even real. Maybe you made the whole night up in your marijuana-infused brain. And snuggled up with Jisung, you can’t help but wish it was this annoying shit you were falling in love with.

On Monday morning, Hyunjin doesn’t show up for breakfast. On Tuesday, you find out he has been hanging out with a girl he met at his favorite boba joint and apparently won’t shut up about. First, you run back to your dorm to cry to Maddie, having to explain all of Friday night to her. When she leaves for her lab, you call Felix for an emergency smoke session. When Maddie texts that she is going to be out late working on a project, you call Changbin to tell him that you really do want him to.

Like you said, it’s just a physical attraction, right?

⇢ part 2

[pbandjesse]

I feel very hot right now. I'm at the museum and sitting in the machine shop and it's very warm back here!! The rest of the museum seems fine to me. But I don't know how to fix that.

I was pretty exhausted all day today. I held it together when I could. But I wasn't having the best time.

It didn't help that I had trouble turning my brain off last night. Like once I fell asleep I was absolutely out. But I was in a good enough mood. I tried to make myself be the best sales person I could be but it was sort of rough.

Me and James left here and got breakfast. I forgot to print more certificates for my bears and I didn't cut any business cards. I felt like I was moving really slow but some of the issue was it was very windy. After the crazy storms last night I think it was just leftover gusts. But it would be a fight the entire market. For all of the venders.

Ann was doing a little better. She would run out of steam and go home around 11. But it wasn't as busy of a day. We would have waves of people and hit about 400 clicks on the clicker. But I was able to sit down a lot, which was good because I was beat.

I didn't make a sale for a half hour. And I was like. I have failed as an artist. I'm not going to sell anything. And then my very first sale was my favorite bear and I was only a little heartbroken. A child chose it herself and I hope she loves him so much. It was only the second large bear I've ever sold. I want to make more for sure, so selling any feels motivating.

I would make a good amount of sales. About half as many as last time but that is alright. As long as I break $100 I am doing fine. And I had some nice conversations with other venders and with customers. It was fun.

James got us baked goods, and did print out the certificates and I cut up business cards and we were pretty good. I did find two of my plushies had little holes so I have to remember to bring needles and thread to keep with the set just in case.

But it was still a good day. Lots of nice people. The weather was beautiful, even if it was very breezy. I had some funny conversations with old men about sailing.

But by 1230 I was like. Why is time going so slowly. I wanted to go home and go to sleep.

I had to pack up the car with stuff for an outreach though. I am not thrilled about doing this out reach. It's two programs and even with our security guard and maintenance man's help I could barely fit all of it in there. So I'm frustrated by this. Plus I just hate out reaches. They make me stressed out.

But we did it. I left all my market stuff in the education office. And said goodbye to James.

They have been in a weird mood. I have felt a little ignored the last couple days. And when I got home I was frustrated when Sweetp brought me a huge fucking bug.

James would come home and clean. But I just couldn't. I flushed the bug and changed into a tank top dress and fell asleep for two hours.

It was good sleep too. I wish I could fall asleep so easy at night.

When I woke up I quickly got dressed. The apartment smelt very odd. James was cleaning but it still smelt like old milk. I hope they solve that before I come home.

I said goodbye to James and drove back here to the museum. I stopped at chipotle and had some excellent tacos. I was still a little early here but that is okay.

I am feeling really exhausted but I only have a few hours left before I can go home and rest.

I was supposed to have the next two days off but now I'm doing an event tomorrow. Ah well. I still have the day to hang out. I hope to do some sewing. I hope the weather is nice.

This seems like a beautiful wedding. I hope you all have a great night. Take care of each other.

[thatmexisaurusrex]

What I'd Like From Cap 4

Hey people!

So I saw some shit about Cap 4 having Sam being a constant underdog and I kind of hate that, so here's what I'd like out of a dream (yet realistic) Cap 4 movie:

1. Starts with an action sequence during Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Just think about how fucking cool that would be. How would you miss out on that opportunity??? The outfits of the crowds, the excitement mixed with the danger, Sam being a King at one of the parades only to cut that short to fight some asshole supervillains. It would be amazing. Think that Día de Los Muertos scene in that one James Bond movie but more action-packed.

2. Sam is already mentoring Joaquín as the Falcon/learns in the first action sequence that Joaquín has taken up the mantle of the Falcon and begins helping him transition into the role immediately.

3. Sam's starting to form his own Avengers team already. Does he have Stark Industries helping him fund it? No. But he does have the backing of The Wakandan Outreach Program and Pym Tech. And he's not making the new Avengers base in New York or something; he's going to make it back home in Louisiana with people using magic portals to get in from other sides of the country so that people don't need to be able to afford New York rent to be an Avenger or live onsite.

4. Serpent Society would be fun. And I'm not thinking "realistic", I'm thinking they lean into those snake costumes.

5. Cameo of Old Man Steve on the moon. I need confirmation, sue me 😂

6. Bucky is either 1) retired throughout the whole movie and the most domestic man you'll ever meet, 2) Bucky only helps with research as he's retired now, or 3) Bucky only helps out at the climax of the film when Sam really needs him because Sam can take care of shit and Bucky can take a break from violence. This does not mean that there won't be cute and funny banter between them on the phone or at their apartment that they have together now that Bucky has moved to Delacroix, but he's not part of the movie as a beat people up guy.

7. I am fine with some of the conflict being about whether or not the public approves of Sam, that lines up with some of the stuff that's happened in the comics, but I do not think that should be the main conflict nor do I think it should be too big of an issue - maybe Fox has problems with him and most people are here for him because fuck that being the main conflict.

8. I need either Sharon to be a major villain in this or does something so drastically selfless that it makes her having a redemption arc make sense. I'm not saying I don't like Sharon, but she did shoot Karli in front of Sam, so it's hard for me to think of her as an antihero or an antivillain. I also kind of love the idea of Sam having to grapple with the fact that the person he has to take down is one of his friends and his friend cares more about herself and taking down the government who screwed her over than doing the right thing. I like Sharon getting to have a darker, nuanced character, and I kind of hope she stays a villain, but I have no clue what they'll do with her from here on out.

9. I'd actually love it if Sam talked down the villain instead of a CGI fight sequence. His empathy prevailing and not needing violence to save the day would be much more impactful.

10. Happy ending. Another going off into the sunset scenario. I feel like we rarely get a happy ending, a clear happy ending from a Marvel film, and I want this for Sam always.

[tchallasbabymama]

M’Baku’s Love- Chapter 4

Heyyyyyy y’all, enjoy chapter 4! Check out my masterlist HERE to catch up and read my other fics. Let me know if you want to be tagged!

Word count: 3052 After their kiss, Monae seemed to be avoiding him. They arrived and left at the same time almost every day, but she always found her way to her car quickly and was gone before he even stepped out the door. About a week had passed before M’Baku grew sick of it and headed down to her office to confront her on the sudden change of behavior when he almost ran over N’Jadaka.

“Yo, what’s up with you?” asked the prince.

“Nothing.”

“Nigga you walking around here looking like ‘Hulk smash’, what’s wrong?”

M’Baku sighed, not in the mood to deal with N’Jadaka at the moment. He reluctantly gave in, knowing he needed to talk to someone before he did something stupid like barge in on her in her office like he had planned.

“She is not talking to me.”

“Who, Monae? The fuck you do?” His right eyebrow lifted as he eyed M’Baku curiously. The Jabari chief rolled his eyes.

“Nothing! I just- we kissed,” M’Baku sighed. “And she has not spoken to me since.”

“All I’m hearing is you’re a bad kisser,” N’Jadaka smirked.

“...Is your cousin still here?” M’Baku deadpanned.

“Nope, you’re stuck with me and Lil Bit.”

M’Baku started massaging his temples, he could feel the stress headache creeping up on him. 

“Fine,” he gave in as he and the prince ducked out of the hallway and into an empty conference room.

“The issue was not my kissing, the issue is that damn ring on her finger. Sometimes she is hot, sometimes she is as cold as the mountains. I know she is engaged, but I cannot help but want to be around her.”

“Damn, you got it bad. What happened to being ‘unattached’ while you’re here? I was just talking to Neicey, the new Black American history teacher, about you and she seems like she’s down for whatever, if you know what I mean. She might be able to help you get Monae off the brain. Here’s her number.” He handed M’Baku a slip of paper. “You do know how to use your phone right?” 

M’Baku loved the prince like family, but sometimes he just wanted to punch him in his smug face. 

“Yes I know how to use my phone, N’Jadaka.”

“Don't ‘N’Jadaka’ me, I’m trying to help your big ass.”

“You are right,” he conceded with a sigh and looked down at the number in his hand. “You said her name is Niecey?”

“Yup. Go talk to her, she doesn’t have another class until 3. Last time I saw her she was down by the court.” N’Jadaka said while walking backwards and disappearing through the door, leaving M’Baku alone to think about his next moves. 

Of course he wanted to pursue Monae, but he knew that would be a dead end with the way she was treating him now. He decided a little fresh air wouldn’t hurt and stuffed her number into his pocket before heading outside to the basketball court. 

M’Baku saw her before she saw him, and once again Monae ran straight into him. Without even looking up she knew who it was. She’d know that body and that cologne anywhere.

“M’Baku! Hi, I’m sorry...again,” she tried to laugh off her nervousness.”Anyways, gotta jet!”

“Not so fast,” M’Baku lightly grabbed her arm. “Why have you been avoiding me?”

“I’m not-” M’Baku cut her off with an eyebrow raise and a look that made her heart beat in her pussy. “Ok fine I am.”

“Why though?” He pulled her in closer and she backed away.

“Because that kiss should never have happened and if I’m around you too much it might happen again.”

He smirked.

“So you avoid me because you cannot keep your hands and lips off me? That is understandable, I have been told I am irresistible.”

She chuckled, neither confirming nor denying his statement.

“Monae, as much as it pains me to say this, we could just stay friends. That way you keep your honor and I get to keep you in my life without you running away every time you see me. Eh?”

Monae was quiet for a moment, contemplating the proposal. Could she really  be friends with this man?

“Deal.” She reached her hand out to shake on it and he returned the gesture.

“So where were you ‘jetting’ off to?” M’Baku asked her as they walked towards the front doors of the outreach center. 

“Home, actually. I know it’s early but my sister, Jazz, is in town and I want to spend as much time with her as possible before her break is over.”

“Oh, well, have fun and give her my best.”

“Will do.”

And with that, they parted. Monae headed to her car and peeled out of the parking lot while M’Baku watched with a smile on his face. Friends? Who was he kidding?

Shaking all non-platonic thoughts of her out of his head, he finally made his way to the basketball court where he noticed Niecey heading right for him.

“M’Baku, right?” She asked, clearly knowing the answer already.

“Yes, and you must be Niecey.” He took her hand and kissed the back of it.

“I am. So N’Jadaka tells me you’ve had your eye on me...I thought you were feeling Monae for a minute there.” she laughed.

“Monae? She is engaged. So, would you like to go to dinner tonight? You pick, my treat.” he tried to play it off and change the subject. Luckily it worked and her face lit up at his proposition.

“Ok, it’s a date.”

_______

“Look, she is a nice girl, but she was so...dull. I had to try way too hard to engage her in conversation.”

“Maybe she was nervous?” Shuri asked, only halfway listening as she examined the communication device designs her highschool aged students came up with. 

“For what? It was only dinner,” M’Baku sat down in a huff.

“Some people get nervous around people they like, M’Baku, it’s normal,” the princess said defensively.

“Ohhh, the plot thickens,” said N’Jadaka as he entered the room. “They didn’t like the flowers?”

M’Baku and Shuri answered at the same time.

“What flowers?”

“Shut up!”

“My bad cuz, I thought that’s what- you know what? Imma go-”

“Actually I would like to talk to you after we discuss the princess and her crush.” M’Baku added teasingly.

“They’re not- ugh, fine.”

“How did you meet?” M’Baku asked her, desperate to talk about anything other than his boring date with Neicey.

“I met them at a conference for Teens in Tech at UC Berkeley. They’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, but they barely know I exist and I didn’t send the flowers because I chickened out. There, happy?” she rolled her eyes and went back to her work.

M’Baku grinned, finding her nervousness a nice change of pace from her usual arrogance. 

“Ah, young love. I do not miss it,” he mused.

“Oh like your situation is any better? At least my crush is single.”

“At least I can talk to mine,” he said under his breath.

“Not without her fiance coming up to the Center,” Shuri pointed behind M’Baku to a tall thin man in a nice suit heading down the hallway towards them.

“Derrick, my man. How’s it going?” N’Jadaka put on a fake smile and tried to dap him up, but Derrick wasn’t on the same page so it ended up being more of an awkward fist bump.

“Going good, going good. Just here to see my girl,” he turned and stuck his hand out to M’Baku. “I don’t think we’ve met. Derrick Jones, attorney at law.” M’Baku stared at his hand a little too long before shaking it.

“Lord M’Baku, Chief of the Jabari,” he introduced himself with a sly smile.

“Oh a chief? That’s awesome man, I bet all this is boring as hell to you huh?”

“Quite the contrary.”

“Cool...cool...well, I gotta go find Momo. See you all later!” 

Shuri gagged as he walked away and they all looked at each other in disgust at the nickname.

“‘Nae’ would be so cute, but ‘Momo’?...For an adult human? Absolutely not, I don't know how she stands that man.” Shuri rambled on about her disdain for Derrick. “Did you see how he deflated when M’Baku introduced himself with his title? He thought being an attorney was such a big deal? Ha!”

M’Baku couldn’t help but laugh and agree with the princess. Even without Monae in the picture the man was insufferable.

“And he didn’t even acknowledge you.” N’Jadaka added, shaking his head.

“Nope, just the men.” Shuri smiled sarcastically before turning to the chief. “If it’s not clear already, I’m on Team M’Baku. Fuck that guy, Monae deserves better. Even if it's not you, she doesn't deserve...that.”

“I agree...and thank you, I knew I would grow on you eventually.”

“Yes well it would’ve gone quicker had you not insulted my intelligence when we first met. This ‘child’ can hold a grudge.”

“Oh I am aware.” They smiled at each other before M’Baku’s assistant found them and interrupted.

“Excuse me, M’Baku?”

“Yes, Deontae.”

“There’s a phone call for you from Abiola, he says it’s urgent. Something about a snow bank...”

“Ah yes, thank you. Udakus, I will see you both later.” M’Baku saluted them in jest and was on his way to handle his business when he overheard two people arguing in a conference room.

“You don’t have to! I make more than enough money!” said a man whose voice M’Baku couldn't quite place. He continued down the hall with Deontae typing away on his tablet, but stopped in his tracks when he heard the other person. They both looked up at each other, recognizing Monae’s voice immediately.

“But I want to! What part of that don’t you get? I like being here with these kids a-and these people. The Wakandans are amazing and-”

“I’m sure they are sweetie, but this neighborhood is dangerous and I don’t like you being here. Do you know how many kids are probably downstairs trying to break into my car as we speak?!”

M’Baku rolled his eyes and he and Deontae shared a look. No matter how nice his car was, it wouldn’t attract anywhere near as much attention as the Wakandan technology in the Center. 

His disdain for Derrick grew as he realized he had just mentally defended the useless gadgets of the lowlanders. 

“Nobody wants your stupid car Derrick! There are literal hovercrafts in this building, nobody cares about your Audi.”

Deontae stifled a laugh.

“Wow, so it's like that? Why are you lashing out at me?”

“I’m not lashing out at you, I just want to keep my job that I love and you didn’t even ask me about moving first!”

“I figured if you didn’t want to go with me we could do long distance. LA isn’t that far-”

“Yes it is.”

Derrick let out an exasperated sigh.

“I’m taking this job whether you're coming or not. You need to figure out your priorities.”

Deontae’s jaw dropped and he wasn’t able to pull it back in time when the door swung open and Derrick pushed past the two of them. When Monae looked up and saw them her face turned to stone. She was horrified that they had just witnessed her in such a vulnerable state.

“My apologies, we were just walking by and-”

“We didn’t hear anything!” Deontae forced out. M’Baku gave him a look and he shrugged. He wasn’t good under pressure.

Monae wiped her eyes and M’Baku felt so helpless. All he wanted to do was hold her in his arms and make everything better...that and beat Derrick senseless. 

“It’s ok, we were uh, pretty loud,” she said, avoiding eye contact with M’Baku.

“What do you need from me?” He asked her, his voice soft as a pillow. Deontae’s head tilted to the side as he took in the scene before him.

She thought about it for a moment, not able to say what she really wanted, which was to crawl into his big strong arms and never leave.

“Just some time,” she sniffled and cleared her throat. “Are we still on for lunch?”

“Of course-”

“Great, see you then!”

Monae breezed right past them and towards her office, and Deontae turned to see M’Baku’s dejected face.

“Wooooooow,” he started with a laugh. “Woooow… you like her don’t you?”

“Keep your voice down,” M’Baku whisper yelled, looking around for any possible prying ears.

“You got good taste, I’ll give you that. Shitty circumstances though.”

“Yeah, tell me about it…” M’Baku’s shoulders slumped as they made their way back to his office.

--------

“You have barely touched your burrito.”

Monae looked down at her plate and noticed he was right.

“I guess my appetite isn't too big today, too much on my mind.” She sighed and pushed her plate forward.

“I know it might be weird, but as your friend you can always talk to me about anything.” M’Baku knew he didn’t want to talk about Derrick, but he would do anything to make her feel better.

She looked at him for a few moments before she began. “I don’t know how much you heard, but Derrick got a job in LA and wants me to move with him. He’s always hated that I work here for some reason...I just wish he would have discussed it with me first, you know?” She twisted the ring on her finger and bit her lip nervously. M’Baku nodded to show he was listening, but his eye kept being drawn down to her ring. That little silver band with the fancy rocks in it that meant so much to her.

“He just- he means well, he does. He wants what’s best for me-”

“But should that not include what you want?” he asked in earnest, trying very hard to remain friendly. “If he is to be your husband, ask yourself if you can marry a man who doesn’t listen-”

“M’Baku”

“-to what you say you want. What do you see in him? He treats you like a child-”

“M’Baku, stop! Ok, I didn’t ask for this. It’s more complicated than that.”

“It doesn’t have to be…”

She looked at him as a tear escaped. 

“It’s been seven years M’Baku, I can’t just throw that away!”

“So you would rather waste a lifetime being miserable all over seven measley years?”

She stared at him with a silent fury in her eyes.

“I knew this was a bad idea.” Monae called the waiter to bring her a to-go box and her check, refusing to let M’Baku pay for her this time. 

“Monae, I-”

“Don't bother. I’ve had enough men telling me what to do for one day.”

M’Baku had never meant to make her feel that way, and as she left the restaurant his heart sank. 

The walk back to the Center was a blur, as was the rest of the day. M’Baku couldn’t get her words out of his head. He decided to give the one person he knew he could come to with this a call, hoping they would answer.

“My son, how is America treating you? You have not seen any police have you?”

“Just in passing, mama.”

“That is still too close for my liking with those killing machines they carry everywhere. Are you eating? You look thin. I will send some stew with the king next time he goes to the Center.”

M’Baku smiled warmly at his mother’s unnecessary concern. He was eating just fine and hadn’t lost a single pound, but he would never in his right mind turn down his mother’s cooking. 

“Thank you mama, I would love that. How are things?”

“I will be happy when you come back and I can retire again. The council is driving me crazy. This week the big issue is snow bank height. Can you imagine? Arguing over damn snow banks.”

He chuckled, missing his mother’s animated voice. 

“Now, you have not called me all week. What is wrong?” she abruptly changed the subject.

“Why does something have to be wrong?”

She sucked her teeth and he could already picture the look on her face. It’s the same one he gets when he senses bullshit.

“M’Baku, I raised you. I know you, now talk to me.”

He let out a deep sigh, contemplating how much he should tell her.

“I met a woman here, but she is engaged to a man who does not treat her well.”

“Engaged? M’Baku I raised you better than that-”

“I know mama, but I did not know at first. Apparently here the women wear rings to signify they are betrothed.”

“Just the women?”

“Yes, it is quite an odd culture.”

“I can see that...well son if you truly have feelings for her and this man does not treat her the way she should be treated, what would it hurt to make your feelings known?”

“That is the thing, mama. She knows, we-” he sighed, knowing this wouldn’t go over well. “We kissed.”

There was silence on the other end of the line before a slow chuckle turned into a belly laugh, leaving him confused and speechless.

“Mama, are you done?”

“I am sorry son,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. “You just reminded me so much of your baba. You know, we were in a similar situation. He was in your shoes, and I was the young lady. What is her name?”

“Monae.”

“Such a pretty name, I am sure she is just as beautiful.”

“Even more so.”

“Hm, I bet. Anyways, long story short, your baba stole me from my betrothed.”

“He what?!”

“I was supposed to marry Hodari-”

“The head fisherman?”

“That is the one. Our parents had arranged for us to be married, but my heart was not in it. Then along came your baba, all tall and handsome, and I never looked back. My point is, if it is meant to be then it will be, but you cannot just give up if you truly think she feels the same way you do.”

“I do not want to give up, mama, but I do not want to push her away either.”

“Then let her come to you.”

Next Chapter

Taglist: @maddeningmayhem​, @theblulife​, @devnicolee

[knightofameris]

play date — hawks (keigo takami)

Setting: after hawks is No 2 Hero? + manga spoilers for recent chapters Gender: Female Contains: angst, fluff, lowkey/implied smut, just throw everything in why don’t you, pro-hero!reader Word Count: 3.5k

Summary: Oh yeah, that Hawks guy? The No. 2 Pro hero schmuck? Yeah, you definitely didn't like him (well, kinda). You'd never say that you cared about him, because you don't. He was just a good fuck, that’s all there was to it. And even if he asked you for something you'd maybe help him out because who were you to deny him?

a/n: [at the end]

Loosely based off of Play Date by Melanie Martinez

No beta we die like men.

Enjoy!

❝ guess it’s time that i tell you the truth if i share my toys, will you let me stay? don’t want to leave this play date with you ❞

The moonlight shone through the window directly on top of the two bodies that were tangled upon each other. You glanced down at the blonde man who laid his head on your chest, his arms wrapped around your waist. It was just a few minutes ago when his lips were on yours, his hips thrusting into you. 

Now he was out like a light. 

You didn’t know why he always wrapped himself around you, not when you were the one that always had to leave before morning. It’s not like Hawks wanted a relationship with you. And you didn’t either. At least, that’s what you told yourself. Plus he was always an overly touchy person when it came to you and in general. And he knew it would annoy you. He does enjoy annoying people.

Your hands brushed through his golden locks but it was different than it was earlier that night. It was gentle compared to when you were gripping his windswept hair as his mouth explored your body under the sheets. 

Hawks groaned, shifting himself away from you. His wings brushed up against you as he turned to face the other way. Finally, you were free to leave. 

Slowly and quietly, you moved off his bed, watching as he breathed and making sure he didn’t wake up. A light snore escaped his mouth as you began picking up your clothes that were scattered all over the floor of the bedroom and hallway. Memories from earlier that night flashed through your mind.

***

Hawks hands roamed under your shirt as he suckled the base of your neck, chuckling as he heard a moan escape your mouth. He finally opened the door to his apartment and the two of you struggled to walk to his bedroom. You lifted your arms up in the air as he tore off your shirt, tossing it somewhere into the abyss, his hands stroking your sides as his thumbs lightly ghosted over your breasts, admiring the way they sat in the bralette you wore that evening and how his touch caused your nipples to harden. 

Your hands immediately grabbed his face, pulling him down to your mouth. His lips moved against yours, his tongue swiping against your lips as your hands trailed down his chest and then to his pants to unbuckle his belt. One of your hands stroking him through his pants causing him to groan into you, his hips bucking into your touch.

The back of your legs hit his bed and you fell backward, breaking the kiss. You stared up at Hawks, his lips bruised and thoroughly kissed with his crimson wings spread out behind him. He smirked as he shrugged off his jacket and then his shirt. The way his feathers would leave his wings to take off his clothes never ceased to amaze you. Even as they attached themselves back onto him. 

Like a predator to their prey, he slowly approached you, climbing on top of you. The bed dipped with his weight. His knuckles brushed against your cheek then caressed the back of your head, hair entangled between his fingers and tilted your head slightly with your lips hovering close to his.  

“Impatient now, are we?” 

***

The cool silk fabric brought you out of your thoughts as you finally grabbed your shirt, the last piece of clothing. You glanced back at Hawks who was still asleep. A sigh of relief left your mouth. 

The door closed behind you softly as you walked off to your own apartment, wishing so badly that you could wake up next to him. 

***

“Oh, come on, (Y/H/N), you’re the only one that can keep up with me,” Hawks waved his hands to fans and onlookers while still eating fried chicken out of a whole ass bucket. “You should totally join my agency.” 

You groaned and rolled your eyes at the man. Patrols were never boring with the No. 2 hero. It just happened that your agency was close by, and Hawks always asked your boss for you to join his patrols. Just because you had the ability to create portals, you were able to keep up with his speed. 

In more ways than one. 

It also happened that every now and then, if your patrols ended at night with nothing happening that day he’d always ask you to come back to his place. It was easier to go back together whenever you guys patrolled together, after all. 

And who were you to deny him his requests? 

“I think I’ll pass on that one Hawks, Celestial’s too nice of a boss,” you replied, eyes pretending to scan the area in case of suspicious activity. But mostly because you wanted to avoid his gaze. Of course, the man caught on and waved his hand in front of you, getting your attention once more. 

“Aw, you don’t have to be like that chickadee, I’m a fun boss,” he insisted. “I can show you a good time at my agency.” 

Blood rushed to your cheeks, causing you to get extremely flustered. You didn’t even have to look up at him to know that he winked at you the moment those words left his mouth. 

“I don’t—I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you stammered out. “If you say something like that I will make you fall through my portals for eternity.” 

“You would never do that, you love me.” 

“I really don’t, I don’t know where you got that from.” Hawks simply grinned at you, about to respond before the two of you got bombarded with fans asking for pictures. 

*** 

Sirens wailed in the background, buildings burned and fell on themselves, civilians crying out, and other heroes fighting against the nomus. Pain burst through your entire body as you yelled out because of it, trying to stand back up to get back into the fight. 

A red feather floated down in front of you, and fear struck you in your chest. Another rush of adrenaline flowed over your body and your sights were set on the skies, trying to find Hawks. Blurs of white and yellow flew around with the night sky in the background. His wings were dwindling, the only large feathers were the ones in his hands and even then, he was slowly descending into the ground. At this rate, Hawks was sure to become a pancake at the end of it. 

Your muscles screamed in pain and you screamed internally to keep on moving, standing up as a ball of energy enveloped your hand. And you threw it up to the sky, activating it the moment the nomu would pass through it, then closing it, cutting the nomu in half. Not before it breathed fire, however. Your eyes widened, another ball of energy shooting out as Hawks’ feathers burned up, having no way of slowing down. 

Your legs carry you as you run through the portal in front of you, jumping through it and immediately you were up in the skies, slamming into Hawks and another portal opened in front of you. The two of you landed on the ground with a hard hit, tumbling to ease the impact a little bit. Groans escaped your mouth as you held onto Hawks, your back against the cold hard ground. 

“Hey, chickadee, you can let go,” he spoke into your neck. It takes a few seconds for you to comprehend that your hands were tightly wrapped around his chest and head and you let go faster than ever. But that just made you feel how tired your muscles were. There was definitely something broken in you. Bones, hopefully. 

Hawks lifted himself off of you, his hand outreached for you to grab as he helped you up. 

The fight was long from over, but the two of you stood there staring at each other. 

“Always saving my ass, aren’t you.” His eyes wander over your injuries scattered around your body. Your uniform was extremely tattered up but it didn’t matter, not when there were villains to fight. He scratches the back of his neck. “You look pretty beat up, leave the rest to me and the others.” 

A frown made its way onto your face. “What? No, I can still fight.” You raise your hand to try to form a portal only for a sharp pain to flow through your wrist. Not only was your body extremely fatigued, but you overused your power. 

Hawks’ hands settled on your shoulder, sitting you back down. To any outsiders, it would seem as if he was ignoring the situation around him. But he knew that there was only one more nomu, and Endeavor was more than enough to take that one out along with Mirko. All of the civilians that were in the range of the attack had long been evacuated thanks to his sidekicks and Edgeshot and his sidekicks. He knew what the situation was. 

A pang of guilt hit you as you watched Hawks call for medical attention. Even if you saved his ass, that wouldn’t have been necessary if you killed off the nomu in the first place. So you apologized softly then looked up at him. His brow was arched before he frowned and squatted down beside you. 

“What are you sorry for?” he asked, though he already knew what your answer was. 

The ground suddenly became extremely interesting compared to the alternative which was Hawks. “If I was stronger and faster, your feathers wouldn’t be all burnt up.” 

“Aww, so you do care about me,” Hawks grinned. You groaned and shook your head, glancing back up at him.

“Nevermind, I take it back.” 

“Nope, you can’t take it back. It’s already out in the air,” he made a motion to pretend to grab the air with his hand causing you to realize one of his gloves was burnt up. He pretended to eat the words he caught in the air and stared down at you. You rolled your eyes, deciding to stare out in the distance. 

The calmness after a fight always hit differently. As if there was finally peace. 

False peace is what they began to call it. It makes you feel like all the bad has left the world. That the fight you just fought was the fight to end all fights. But everyone knew that was never going to happen. Even with all these heroes actively trying to fight for it. 

Hawks moved to sit down beside you. His feathers no longer brushing up against you like they used to and his visor was no longer on his face, showing his golden eyes a little bit better. 

“I could use that same logic against you,” Hawks said. His expression was soft as he stared off where you were a few seconds earlier. “If I were stronger and faster, these nomus wouldn’t even be a threat. Like I’ve said before,” he moves to stand up and lets out a loud sigh, “you’re the only person who can keep up with me.” His hands clasp behind his neck, watching Endeavor and Mirko heading over the two of you. Medical personnel was close behind and he began tapping his foot against the rubble. 

It was strange to see him without his wings. Besides the two small little stubs. Usually, he was able to spare some of his feathers so that they were all growing at different levels and he’d always be able to fight. It wasn’t often that he would go full out. And yet here Hawks stood in front of you, feathers all burned up and he’d probably need to rest for the next four days before they grew back. 

All of it was done to save you, but he’d do that for anyone. He’s a hero for a reason. You just happened to be someone he claimed to keep up with him. But you were never able to pass him. 

Yet, you were eerily okay with it for right now. With his back towards you, something that always seemed to happen between the two of you. You chasing after him, whether it was to be the better hero, him asking you for anything, or simply because your heart told you to. It was tiring watching his back. 

But for right now, it was okay.  

***

Everyone stared at you as if you had more than one head. It was hard to ignore what was going on. Hawks trailing after you, some of his feathers accompanying after you. 

“What’d I do chickadee, come on,” Hawks called after you. You furrowed your brows, closing your eyes. No doubt this was going to be on the tabloids tomorrow. Despite the fact that the tabloid you saw earlier was of him and a random woman in his apartment. The same woman you saw walk into his agency after greeting you as you left. 

What was the point of him keeping you around if he had any other girl to play with? It was frustrating not knowing what he wanted from you. Or what he needed. 

But it’s not like he kept his motives a secret. You knew that. But god was he confusing. 

Your head whipped back towards the winged hero.

“Go play with someone else, Hawks.” Your voice dripped with venom. Bystanders felt a chill run down the back of their neck as they listened in. Quite frankly, Hawks was surprised at your outburst. So surprised that he stopped in his track, his feathers following suit. His chest ached to see you angry. But it ached, even more, when he watched you wipe away the tears that gathered in the corner of your eyes. Though, no one caught that except him. 

And you knew it, hated that he had the eyes of a literal hawk yet he couldn’t tell that you hated him. Even if you didn’t. 

“What if I just want to play with you?” He asked. His hardened gaze on yours and yet there was still a bit of softness behind them. 

A laugh escaped your mouth, quite cynically actually. Laughing at him and everything about the two of you. 

“That’s bullshit and you know it. I don’t give a fuck about you anyways, so go away.” 

You didn’t let him have another word as you opened a portal in front of you and walked through it, closing it quickly behind you before he could follow you through it. 

It was funny. Hilarious. Some sort of sit-com or stand up comedy bit. 

One of his feathers happened to fall through the portal with you. Honestly, you weren’t sure if he could still sense with this feather. Not when you went to the other side of Japan to get as far away from him as possible. Yet, you still reached out to it, grabbing hold of the surprisingly soft feather and held it close as you broke down crying. Notifications from your phone began to ring out. A few of the ringtones you recognized to be your boss, Celestial. The others were a few coworkers and friends. But not one of them was from Hawks. 

But it’s fine, because you didn’t care about him. Who gives a shit about what he does. It’s not like you really knew him anyway, right? 

Right, keep lying to yourself. Because that always turns out fine.

***

The burns on your left arm slowly began to turn numb. No doubt that the nerves were slowly dying and if you didn’t get treated properly, you’d lose all sense of feeling. But that was the last thing on your mind. 

It had been weeks since you last saw Hawks. You’ve seen him plenty after telling him to leave. But then he just got busy, or so he said. 

Of course, the next time you see him is when he’s saving your ass after your attempt to save his. 

Dabi slammed Hawks into the ground, stomping on his face, breaking his visor in one smooth motion. Their mouths moved, but no sound came out. You had no clue what Dabi or Twice were saying to Hawks. But you knew that Dabi was talking about you the moment Hawks’ eyes filled with fear and landed on you. 

Dabi’s scarred ar reached out towards you and Hawks. Before you knew it, you felt yourself in Hawks’ arms, Twice beside you as well. 

A cry left your mouth from the pain and soon it was becoming unbearable. You couldn’t even muster up the energy to create a portal to get the two of you out. Not without Dabi sending out flames to prevent you from doing so. So you slowed your breathing, trying to focus despite the growing flames. Your eyes closed, feeling too heavy to keep it open. Before they closed, you were able to see Hawks’ intern come in, giving you the chance to muster up the energy you were building up to open a portal to get the three of you out. 

Hawks held you the moment you were out and safe, Fatgum nearby fending off villains as Hawks’ hand hovered over your face. 

“You totally give a fuck about me,” he laughed softly. A ghost of a smile appeared on your face before everything finally turned dark. 

***

It’d been weeks since all of the heroes of Japan fought against the League of Villains and the Liberation Army. Society was on the edge of collapsing, becoming wary of the hero commission and their methods. Word got out about Hawks, about who he was and what he’s done. 

But that didn’t stop you from knocking on his apartment door. Not after he asked you to stop by his place again once the two of you were all healed up.

That didn’t stop you from wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him. You didn’t realize how much you missed his lips against yours. 

How much you missed him against you. 

How much you needed him.

The kiss was needy, rough, as they moved against each other. Hawks’ lips parted and your tongue slid into his mouth. He moaned into you as he slammed you against the door, grinding his hips into you. Your fingers played with the hair against the nape of his neck, tugging them ever so slightly. 

Hawks was the first to pull away, opening his lust-filled eyes to stare into yours. His fingers played with the hem of your shirt calling out to you.

Ignoring him, you moved your hand through his hair, giving it a slight tug to reveal more of his neck as you began to plant kisses from his jaw down to his collarbone. His hold on your hips tightened, bringing you closer to feel his bulge against you. A moan escaped you as his hands moved against your ass, giving them a firm squeeze. 

“Wait,” he whispered out, pulling away ever so slightly, hands resting on your hips. Confusion was ridden all over your face as you looked up at him. Didn’t he just want you to come over to help get his mind off of everything? There was guilt in his eyes and he averted his gaze away from you. 

“What’s wrong Hawks?” You asked softly, your thumb stroking the burn scar over his face. 

“Don’t you hate me?” 

You frowned at his statement. He’d never be the one to ask that. 

Hawks continued, “After everything—”

“Hawks, you said it yourself,” you murmured, recalling the fight where you both saved each other. His golden eyes met your (e/c) eyes. “I totally give a fuck about you. I care about you and I’m sorry for what I said before. I... I care about you more than I like to think. It’s time I stop lying to myself, to you. I’ll continue to save your ass if-” you turned away, a rush of heat flowing up to your face and your voice became soft “-if you continue to save mine.” 

“Fuck.” Hawks pulled you into a hug, his arms wrapping around your waist and his face buried in the crook of your neck. Your hand slowly stroked his back, the other threading through his hair as you comforted him. The initial make-out session leaving both of your minds. 

“It’ll be okay, Hawks,” you murmured, knowing about the lash back from the public. 

“Keigo,” he said. There was a pause as your hands stilled. “Call me Keigo. If—if you want to stay with me. Please stay with me.” 

He pulled back, his eyes searching yours. An act of desperation and it seemed that the two of you were fearful of losing the other since the beginning. 

“I never wanted to leave in the first place.” 

Keigo smiled down at you, leaning his forehead against yours, grateful that you’d stay with him. 

But who were you to deny him his request? 

a/n: i was inspired by the timmy trend tiktok videos and i’ll show the videos at the end of the post or in a different post. Also who knew that the man who could get me back into writing reader fics, or writing in general, would be hawks after like MONTHS of not writing. Also, it featured (ish) an ocs of mine just cus i wanted to hah. also i posted this on Ao3, so dw if you saw this already

ALSO does ANYONe want to CRY WITH ME BECAUSE OF CHAPTER 271??? HELLO. im sorry but if best jeanist IS dead i honestly can’t forgive keigo IM STILL UPSET ABOUT TWICE? 

[yerrrabitch]

A Ride Home

Y/N - Your Name

Y/B/N - Your Boyfriend’s Name

Y/UNI/N - Your University Name

Y/M - Your Major

C/Y - Current Year

It was a normal night. Well as normal as it could be. You and your boyfriend had a fight earlier in the car because your shirt hung “too low”. It wasn’t your fault that your breast spilled out of your shirt the way they did. However, Y/B/N hated that. He actually hated every time you wore clothes that showed any skin. It was suffocating. You compromised and wore his alumni sweater. 

“Y/N!” a blonde from your 8AM yelled, ”Come dance with me!”

You put your red cup down and took her up on her offer. It wasn’t like you were doing anything but brooding anyway. Y/B/N had went into the house with some friends and you were in the backyard waiting. You hated this part. You’d come out with him every weekend to appease him. Truth was your feet, back and head hurt and you craved nothing more than your bed and the feeling of your fan blowing against your cheeks in the moonlight. But, like every weekend Y/B/N would make you feel bad for wanting rest. You went to school full time and worked part time at a local diner so that you could afford to stay in your apartment. He had graduated during your sophomore year and was living his best life while owning his own bar. 

It wasn't like you hated being out; you were just tired. He didn't understand that. Despite hating your hours and your dedication to work and school, he never offered to help with your bills or spend the night in. It’s not like you’d accept anyway but, the thought that he would consider would’ve been nice.

“Y/N!”, she yelled while latching on to your arm. She had grown tired of waiting for you to come to her. She threw her head back and laughed as she grinded on you to the beat of a popular pop song. You could smell the alcohol on her breath and began to laugh. This was actually fun. You two began to dance together more provocatively and you hated being out less. 

Two songs later and you needed a break. You both decided to get something to eat inside. You took off the sweater and put it on the counter. The house owner, Ralph, had laid out all kinds of cheap food. You gravitated towards the fruit while she dove at the pizza. You looked at your phone and saw it was 12:08 AM. 

You had to be at work at 7 AM.

Y/B/N knew this and was still doing God knows what in the house. Irritation set in and you immediately felt your mood sour. You considered ordering an UBER and going home on your own. No. He brought me here, he needs to bring me home. 

You called his phone twice and then sent him a text message.

Y/N: Hey, it’s late and I have work tomorrow. 

Seen 12:15 AM

“You good, ma?” A tall man asked.

You didn't recognize him. He must be from out of town. 

“I’m fine, thank you”

“You don't look fine.” He said eyeing you and the way you shifted from one foot to the other, “you need a fix or sum?”

You couldn't help the laughter that shot out of your mouth and filled the kitchen. He cracked a wide smile at you. He’s fine.

“No, I’m actually waiting for someone to come downstairs. I need to leave.”

“Who?” He asked raising an eyebrow, while leaning against the table and staring into your eyes.

“My boyfriend.” You deadpanned

“Yikes.”

“What?”

“If I was your boyfriend, I would've never left you alone.”

There’s no reason he shouldn't be answering his phone. Let me see where he is. You moved around the table and the man in front of you to find Y/B/N.

“Ma, let me take you home”

You stared at him for a minute. 

“I need to find my boyfriend.” You said, putting an emphasis on the boyfriend part.

“If he’s in this house, right now. You’re single.”

You stop in your tracks and you feel tears well up in your soft, brown eyes. It had to be the liquor, you aren't sensitive.

“Excuse me”, your voice completely icy and your hands shaky. The blonde grabbed her pizza and went back outside, glad to escape whatever was happening in there.

“They're up there playing a stripping game. When I left nobody had pants on so if he's there now I can't imagine.”

You turned on your heel and flew up the stairs and followed the sound of the crappy 2008 hits into a game room. There he was, sprawled out beneath a girl while she sucked on his left nipple. You cleared your throat and everyone in the room paused, knowing who you were. 

He opened his eyes after a second and jumped up in realization. His face morphed from fright to anger. 

“Where’s the sweater?”

The nerve and audacity of this man. You caught him with a bitch sucking on his tiddy and he had the balls to ask you about what you were wearing? You started to laugh. You were borderline hysterical at this point. 

“Die.”

You turn back around and go down the stairs opening your phone. You could handle that in the morning but, right now you needed to go home and go to sleep.

You sighed loudly and pulled your hair up into a bun. You didn't care that it'd have to stay like that until next wash day. You were overheating and irritated. 

A low whistle broke you out of your blank stare into the street. You looked up and it was the man from the kitchen. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, while sitting next to you on the steps.

“I will be. Once I get home and shower this off of me.”

“I can take you if you want.”

“It’s ok. I don't want to bother-”

“I offered. It’s not a bother if I offer.”

You eyed him weirdly. Why did this man have an interest in you? 

“Ok but, windows have to be down the whole way there and you have to drive with one hand out the window” You stated firmly.

He chuckled.

“Ok shorty. I’ll do whatever you say”

*******

He drove a C/Y Acura with red interior. The car was well kept; it still smelled like a new car. You stared at the inside, instantly falling in love with the car and the way it felt.

“It’s just a car.” Your eyes snapped to his, warmth spreading across your neck.

“Sorry, it’s beautiful though”

“It was a gift.” He said while checking his shoulder and pulling away from the curb. A gift? Who’s he friends with? “From my aunt and cousin.”

“Cool. Usually I get books or dinners.” He cracked a smile.

“They’re overcompensating. They weren't around when they could've been.” He stopped at a light. The red illuminated his face and made his teeth look even whiter, if possible. You noticed for the first time that he had gold bottoms in. His long eyelashes brushed against his brown cheek as he cut his eye at you to gauge your reaction.

“Shorty.”

“Yes,” you said blinking out of your trance. He was delicious. 

“I asked you which way”, he said smirking at you. He knew that you liked what you saw. 

“Keep going straight.” You turned to the road, you wanted to keep an eye on your surroundings not only him. 

“So why’re you in a rush to get home?”

“I have to work in a few hours.”

He raised an eyebrow at you. An action that turned you on more. 

“You knew you had to work and you still came out? You’re wild.”

“I thought I would have left hours ago to be honest. Y/B/N and I got into a fight and I was distracting myself downstairs.”

“I saw you at like 9. You were nursing one cup man.” You felt stupid. You should've left after the argument. Matter of fact, you shouldn't have came. 

“Did I ask you?”

“Look, it is what it is. I’m just saying I don't think you came here for you.”

He was right. Your entire relationship with Y/B/N wasn't for you. It started off to appease him and stop his antics. He had been following you around campus trying to get your number for weeks after spotting you in the cafe. You stayed with him because you found comfort in routine. Fuck him. You were tired.

“That doesn't matter.” You said closing the issue off from him.

“Ok. So tell me about something that does”

“Huh?”

“Tell me about yourself.” You left out a small laugh. He wanted to get to know you right after you walked in on God knows what with your ex. 

“I just walked in on my ex cheating on me. Man let me be single for a second.”

“All I asked was for an introduction.” He cut his eye at you. You felt bad. All he wanted was conversation and you assumed he wanted you. I’m such a bitch.

“I’m a senior at Y/UNI/N and I am a Y/M.” You said quietly. 

“All you do is study? I go there too.”

“I’ve never seen you around.”

“You’re too busy trying to help the world,” He smiled. “It’s admirable though.”

“Not the whole world. Only the brown part.”

He let out a earthquaking laugh that warmed every fiber of your being. 

“I respect that. But, why?”

“I grew up with only my mom around. And I saw how it was for her, a single women, to help feed and raise my sister and I. Turn right at this light. I want to help women like that get the tools they need to succeed. It shouldn't be that hard to live a basic life.” You reminisced about all the late nights and early mornings your mom had just to make sure you kept food on the table. “I’m trying to get an internship with this youth outreach program this summer so I can get more roots in the area.”

“I can get you an internship but, it won't be around here”

You stared at him like he had three heads while he passed your street. You quickly told him to take the other way to your apartment to avoid the embarrassment. 

“What do you mean?”

“My cousin built this outreach center in Oakland. I work there when I’m not in school so I can help my community. If you want I can connect y’all.”

You damn near jumped into this mans lap. 

“Of course I want to! Thank you so much!”

“I’m gonna need your number then, sweetheart.”

He pulled into a parking space in front of your building and passed you his phone. You saved yourself and handed it back to him.

“What about you?”

“I want to help black people worldwide loosen the chains of their white oppressors.”

“Any progress?”

“I’m actually making a lot in Oakland right now. I think it’s important to help each other and lean less on the white man and his government. Only then can we truly break free from them.” His eyes were fiery as he explained his goal. His passion oozed out of him and captivated you.

“That sounds like a few generation long project.” You mused. You wanted to help.

“That’s fine. As long as I help my people. I don't care how long it takes.”

You wished you had met him instead of Y/B/N. This man had humor, looks, and layers and you'd just met him. All Y/B/N had was a strong name.

“You're passionate about this.”

“You should understand.”

“I do.” You looked at his arm still hanging out of the window. “Sorry about that. I just have to make sure you won't kidnap me.”

“Girl, if I wanted to kidnap you a few windows and an arm out the window wouldn't have stopped me.”

“Sir. Please.” You laughed. 

“You should buy a taser. Those are more effective.”

“I’ll think about it.” You said while opening the door and climbing out.

“I could've gotten that for you.”

“After all you've done for me tonight?” You shook your head, “Thank you for the ride...” You didn't know this mans name. 

“So this is dumb but, what’s your name?”

“Erik. What’s yours, bright eyes”

“Y/N.”

“Well go inside Y/N. You need rest.” He pointed at the clock in his car. It read 1:45 AM. Damn. You would've traded anything to keep talking to him. “Don’t make that face. I know you’ll miss me but, don't worry you'll see me soon enough.”

[delcat177]

The "Sunday School Stories are always good" tag reminds me that despite having NO religious upbringing I've always been enamored with Noah's Ark because it's just like, this one man went through all that trouble to save all the animals!! It's so sweet! The idea that he probably even saved ones he didn't like or was scared of because God made them and he recognized their value!

I'm surprised that it's not brought up in like, conservation-related outreach to religious groups more, like Noah didn't save all those animals so you could let them go extinct because they don't benefit you!

I kinda went on a tangent there but point is that I love Noah's Ark so much I wanna get like a little handmade wooden ark playset or something because it just makes me happy!

WORDDD

Let me tell you(s), as someone who was in church for his entire childhood, Sunday School meant a story and a craft, and I was ALWAYS crossing my fingers for the same ones: Jonah and the Whale, Noah and the Ark, and Easter was especially fun because that was the annual to-do about Moses, and that meant ANIMALS and PLAGUES. Granted the animals WERE the plagues but I got to keep the flannelboard frogs one year, that shit was MAD RAD.

(We also made a lot of cottonball sheep, Lord is my Shepherd and cottonballs are 97 cents for 200 so it was economically feasible)

One of my early childhood toys was a fabric ark that came with pockets on the side, so when you put the fabric animals (two of each, assorted zoo) and Noah and his family in, it looked like they were smiling out the windows. I’d forgotten until now and I don’t know how I did, I’m suddenly sense-memory’ing it SO hard--the stitch on the giraffes, the little goofy 8) smiles on the family. I loved just taking them out and putting them back in again and sailing them around.

I also enjoyed playing out the grisly fates of those not in the Ark in the bathtub (SEE: LAST POST: “Onward came the meteors!”). I was always a dark creator, it was too much fun to resist.

I wasn’t the one who drew dots on the foreheads of the people in one of our coloring pages in green marker and went “They have the Mark of the Beast now!”, that was a church friend. When the Sunday school teacher asked “why would you do that?! they’re going to go to Hell now!!” she responded “because they’re BAD and I WANT them to go to Hell”, giggling wildly, and the teacher couldn’t really put down a six-year-old, so it became a weirdly warm moment.

Exvangelical is some wild shit, I assumed all these things were the average household experience and now they’re my water cooler “so hey wanna hear a fucked one” among my writing group/friends/mutuals. I might get a book out of it yet 8V

TL;DR omg yes, ark playsets are the best <333 There’s one in Thief of Always (Clive Barker) that is like a plot point and the way he describes it, hand-carved by his father and with one elephant with mismatched eyes because he ran out of blue paint..there’s just something there, y’know?

(I would like to wish all of my Jewish followers a happy sorry we colonized your religion, I hope it’s okay to agree that Moses and Noah were mad lads and there is Respecc)

[petersasteria]

90s Prompt List

LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!

My favorite movies in which the prompts are from (in order of the prompts): Pretty Woman, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, The Addams Family, Richie Rich, My Girl, She's All That, The Mirror Has Two Faces (bc Barbra Streisand is queen), Only You, Heart and Souls, and The First Wives Club.

“Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now.”

“It must be difficult to let go of something so beautiful.”

“I want the fairytale.”

“Welcome to Hollywood! What’s your dream?”

“Do you have anything in this shop as beautiful as she is?”

“Baby, I’m gonna treat you so nice, you’re never gonna wanna let me go.”

“I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I might never be tardy.”

“I have direction!” “Yeah, towards the mall.”

“Want to practice parking?” “What’s the point? Everywhere you go has valet.”

“Would you call me selfish?” “No, not to your face.”

“Are you bitches blind?”

“What the hell is that?!” “A dress!” “Says who?” “Calvin Klein!”

“You’re a virgin who can’t drive.”

“As if!”

“Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.”

“Just 'cause you're beautiful, that doesn't mean that you can treat people like they don't matter.”

“I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.”

“You're asking me out? That's so cute! What's your name again?”

"What if you found the right man, who worshiped and adored you? Who'd do anything for you, who'd be your devoted slave? Then what would you do?" “I’d pity him.”

“Does it matter?”

“Are they made from real girl scouts?”

“Hey, man, just checking out your crib here.”

“Who you callin’ an idiom?”

“I like this street look on you, ___. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear you were almost normal.” “Thanks, I think.”

“I used to think you were just some spoiled rich kid. But now, you’re not so bad.” “Yeah, likewise.”

“I’m wondering if you guys can come over this weekend and hangout with me. Like normal kids do.”

“How come all we do is talk about money? Why don’t we do something fun?” “Money is fun!”

“Why do you think people want to get married?” “When you get old, you just have to.”

“It’s a mood ring. It tells me what mood I’m in.” “It doesn’t work, it only stays black.” “It’s only black when you’re around because you put me in a bad mood.”

“Shut your big fat mouth!”

“Can I stay for a while?” “You can stay forever.”

“I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”

“You are lovelier this morning than you have ever been.”

“She kinda blew me off.” “I like her already.”

“What is this, some sort of dork outreach program?”

“She’s an institution. Every girl wants to be her and every guy wants to nail her.” “Basically she’s you, with tits.”

“Am I a bet? AM I A FUCKING BET?”

“Is that a no?” “That’s a hell no.”

“Screw the dolphins.” “A guy tried that last year, banned from SeaWorld for life.”

“When my date takes me home and kisses me good night, if I don’t hear the Philharmonic in my head, I dump him.”

“It’s not a date. We’re just agreeing to sit at the same table.”

“To tell you the truth, I think your theories about relationships are total bullshit.”

“I believe in love and lust and sex and romance. I don't want everything to add up to some perfect equation. I want mess and chaos. I want someone to go crazy out of his mind for me. I want to feel passion and heat and sweat and madness. I want Valentines and Cupids and all the rest of that crap. I want it all.”

“I never thought about what I would feel; I was only thinking about you! I only wanted to make you happy! I never thought I was good enough for you." "But you are good enough for me, ___. You are, you are!" "I know, I know! But ___, you're not good enough for me."

“You are nuts about me! We are made for each other!”

“How could you do this to me?” “Because I’m in love with you!” “Ha! What kind of an excuse is that?”

“There’s nothing you could tell me that would change the way I feel about you.” “I’m engaged. We’re due to be married in 9 days.” “Whoa, whoa! Except possibly that.”

“I don’t believe in anything anymore! I don’t believe in the moon or the stars, or the sun… or destiny or magic- or men!”

“Hey, life’s tough. Sometimes you don’t get what you want. Mostly you don’t get what you want.”

“I’m saying goodbye to both my sons.”

“I’ll fail, I’m telling you. I always fail.”

“You’re so afraid of being hurt, you’re gonna end up all alone.”

“I am so proud of you.”

“You think that because I’m a movie star, I don’t have feelings. Well, you’re wrong. I’m an actress. I’ve got all of them!”

“I want a divorce.” “B-But we just made love! I mean, you asked me out!”

𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐋𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐘 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @blueleatherbag @cocoamoonmalfoy @thatforgottenangel @parkerpeter24 @turtoix @slutforsr @givebuckyhisplumsnow @runawayolives @hollandsrecs @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @yourstrulyamour @juliediggory @rumplebutterbaby @dummiesshort @thevelvetseries @buckymylove @moonlight-onyx @bora-world @supred12 @more-like-reyna @caitsymichelle13 @aayaissaa @wannabemobwife @sunwardsss @bigassnocash @repostcentral @catsandbooksandstuff

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @holland-styles @trustfundparker @alinastarkrovs @celestialholland @hufflepuffprincess24 @tommysparker @justasmisunderstoodasloki @quaksonhehe @call-me-baby-gir1 @itstaskeen @theonly1outof-a-billion @lost-in-the-stars03 @justafangirlduh @piscesparker @speedymaximoff @miraclesoflove @lexirv @blairscott @getbywithasmile @pqrkerr @lavender-writer @blackbat2020 @hoodpankow @bi-lmg @emmastarz @moonchild-s-blog @itszulli @imcalledflorence @blossomhollands

[softer-ua]

Idea that’s been living in my head rent free this week: Hippies BNHA ~a the looks, the music, the activism~

The biggest is Deku singing Piece of My Heart by Janis Joplin. He’s a 💚🌼forever flower child🌼💚 full fro, suade vest with matching pants, flower power shirt, large peace pendant and an over sized Give Peace A Chance button. He couldn’t go to the war front but became a nurse over there and then counselor at a VA hospital. Sicken by what he’s seen, what he knows his countries done.

Second biggest is of course, Bakugo - a night on the town is high waist black bell bottoms with an orange and black satin shirt as explosive as him/ his day to day look is an over sized military jacket, his own dog tags, aviators, and a black “fuck the military and their lies” shirt. One of the first to come back from Vietnam, his dad was a ww2 vet, thought he was doing something honorable for his fellow man. All he got is shrapnel in his arms and visions that won’t let him sleep. Remet Deku when he got back and Deku is working at the VA hospital, he’s not in Dekus group but sees him around- Green River by Creedence Clearwater Revival.

Other honorable mentions

LOV- everyone, every single one, dressed as tacky pimps with different color schemes, they hurt to look at all together.Runs a very sketchy disco bar. Renegade by Styx

Endeavor- also dressed like a pimp, awful orange and blue and zebra combo. He supports the war. Hate these hippie kids. Runs an ammo company loved by the nra. Run Through The Jungle by Creedence Clearwater Revival

AM- still rocking the 50’s greacer look, twice the man Endeavor will ever be 😌Rip It Up by Little Richard

Aizawa- sleepy cardigan 60’s man, putting these kids back together is exhausting. He’s Bakugos counselor. Sound Of Silence by Simon Garfunkel

Mic- is with the times and is all about the TIE DYE. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen (come on he’d adore singing this!)

Todorki- his hero janitor suit now has bell bottoms 😂 otherwise he looks casually fashionable, muted tones, an ally to the blue collar working man because fuck you dad and your elitist pro war bs. Fire And Rain by James Taylor

Iida- turtleneck and blazer combo King™️, a suave nerdy man I Stan. Championing safety regulations in cars, getting these kids in some mf seat belts. Does car races to raise awareness. Slow Ride by Foghats

Ochako- homemade bell sleeve dresses and a good pair of gogo boots, she owns a tambourine. She volunteers at the VA hospital Everyday People by Sly and the Family Stone

Tsuyu- florals and frogs on all her flowey blouses, the og go green gurl 🌏 Born on the Bayou by Creedence Clearwater Revival

Tokoyami- the og goth look, crushed black velvet, taking on Christian Puritans and their grip on the government. Wants community to mean something more than bakesales for a pastors new car. Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones

Shoji- He’s dressed like a detective idk why. Ex church goer, couldn’t stand the praise he got when he came back. Tokoyami doesn’t praise him but gives him somewhere to focus his atonement. Great at community outreach, just always seems to have enough hands to do everything. Keeps his mind and body busy, and he’s grateful for it. Moondance by Van Morrison

Shinso- A purple disco suit? How does he make it look like casual wear? The world may never know. A slam poetry king. Makes people feel and wanna create change. Somebody To Love by Queen

Kaminari- electric yellow bell bottoms and low v-neck satin tshirt, looks simple and sexy until he gets his long fuzzy matching yellow leopard jacket 😂 He just wants to have fun now that he’s back, he got hit by lightning and almost died and somehow that wasn’t the worst thing that happened over there. Play That Funky Music by Wild Cherry

Kirishima- rocking full David Bowie with face paint vibes, couldn’t be himself in the army but he’s fighting to change that back home. Heros by David Bowie

Mina- she’s a trend setter and her looks are closer to the 80’s, basically just her hero costume. Vibrance Is For Everyone. Eco friendly makeup start up. Has done acid lol. Dancing Queen by ABBA

Sero- flowey floral shirts and solid colored bell bottoms, is one of maybe 5 people on earth who look good in a fedora, they match his tropical color schemes. He is the flyer king, no one knows how he gets them all up and so stuck fast, but by god is he great to have on your side when you need to get a message out. The Joker by Steve Miller Band

Jiro- my Make Music Not War queen 🎶 proceeds from her shows go to bringing our boys home. She’s small but she wins the bar fights Listen To The Music by Doobie Brothers

Momo- Balzers with shoulder pads😌 she’s the boss and you know it, she’s in that court room fighting for women’s rights. Killer Queen by Queen

Koda- sweater vests for days 🥺 for someone so quiet his animal rights activism is hella loud, him and Tsyu meet up a lot. Drift Away by Dobie Gray

Aoyama- white ruffled blouse and purple bell bottoms MAKE THEM GLITTER ✨ owns a disco bar. You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate

Sato- solid colored open button down shirts with matching pants, no undershirt, gold chain. Big on getting food companies to be more transparent. Animal Crackers by Melanie

Hagakure- she’s a living disco ball and has gogo boots in every color. Works with Aoyama. Hot Child In The City by Nick Gilder

Ojiro- simple tunics and pants, just a very down to earth hippie. Absolutely fascinated and overwhelmed by Hagakure. Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

for the quiet night in ask: how did Grima make his way into your heart? And why do you ship him with Eomer? I've been meaning to inquire about this for long hehe (also I love your theme! think this is the first time I see it)

I am so sorry, you’re getting an ESSAY. 

I’ve been wanting to talk about my Grima feels FOR SO LONG. 

HE SNAKED HIS WAY INTO MY HEART. 

Um, tl;dr I have a soft spot for the bad guys who clearly have a complicated history with those they are opposing and I think Eomer/Grima have a fun opposites-attract dynamic and I love a good redemption story. 

I don’t touch on literacy and Grima in this because that’s strictly the films and it’s worthy of it’s own post entirely. 

-

I’m trying to think best how to break this all out, because it gets a bit long and rambly. I’m using both book and films for this, as a note. Since I tend to mash up different aspects of those Grima’s in my head, give the guy some eyebrows, and call it a day. 

So, first off, his history. Now, we don’t really have anything to go on in canon here. All we know, in both book and film, is that Grima “was once a man of Rohan” (ROTK). In the book, Gandalf says: “This here, is a snake. To slay it [Grima] would be just. But it was not always as it is now. Once it was a man, and it did you service in its fashion.” 

Grima evidently has served Rohan for some years at this point. We know that Theoden’s enchantment/possession began three years prior to TTT. In the books there is no possession. Theoden’s enchantment relies on the powers of words and their suggestions. Something Tolkien was well aware of carrying great weight and import in Anglo-Saxon culture. You tell a man he is old and infirm, he will become old and infirm. 

I understand why Jackson went the possession route - explaining Anglo-Saxon engagement with galdorcraeft/witchcraft and the power of words etc. and how that influenced the development of Rohan in the span of like 7 minutes of screen time wasn’t happening. Possession works for the same purpose, but in a language the modern audience is familiar with - especially in visual mediums. Grima is circa 40 when TTT happens, same age as Boromir for reference. So, let’s say he’s been an advisor for 10/12 years at this point. He has therefore been a good servant of the king longer than he’s been a traitor. 

Hence, the outreach. And, in Brad Dourif’s wonderful acting, Grima’s clear desire to go home to his king. In the book it’s more subtle. Grima chucks the palantir out the window at Orthanc and it’s stated that he wasn’t sure who he was aiming for, Saruman or Gandalf, because he couldn’t decide who he hated more. 

Honestly? Legit. I would also hate the guy who reduced me to “it” pronouns. But maybe that’s my gender identity stuff playing up ;) 

(Granted, in the full quote Gandalf reverts back to “he”, for context. And I’ve said this before, in another post, that it makes sense for Gandalf and as a writer, I agree with Tolkien’s decisions for that scene.)

Now, for some speculation. Not that I haven’t spilled a tonne already. MORE SPECULATION. This time bringing you long term effects of bullying and never having loving relationships modelled for you! Because LOTR, at the end of the day, is all about trauma and how maybe not to deal with it. 

So - motives. 

We know Saruman’s motives. Indeed, he tells them to us in FOTRK: “[to] have power, power to order all things as we will, for that good which only the Wise can see” and to achieve “the high and ultimate purpose: Knowledge, Rule, Order; all the things that we have so far striven in vain to accomplish, hindered rather than helped by our weak or idle friends.”

Great. Super straight forward. And from the man’s own mouth. 

Grima’s though, always come to us second hand. In the books it’s Gandalf telling us (Gandalf can mind read, so yes, maybe he is accurate). In the films, it’s Eomer guestimating. 

But Grima never actually tells us, himself, what his motives are. 

(a quick aside: if some dude is shoving me up against a pole and threatening me, and I hear someone walking by, of course I’m going to look over at them and it by no means indicates my desire to shag that person. Now, of course, we know from other scenes this is the case. I’m just saying. It’s natural to look over at the person walking by while you’re being jumped by the Third Marshal of the Mark who is twice your size. anyway.) 

So what are his driving forces for treason? What made him go to this point of no return then keep going even when people offered him a way back. 

It is important to note that his treason required him to forswear his oath to his liege lord. I don’t know how to convey what a big deal that would have been, in modern terms. But it would have been huge. Forswearing/reneging on oaths was a massive cultural taboo in Anglo-saxon [AS] England (and general, early medieval Europe). 

And, as Rohan is based on AS England (I forget if Tolkien was cagey about this. He was sometimes a dumb shit and coy about things so was like “noooo it’s not STRICTLY AS England….but it’s clearly AS England with more horses and a light dusting of vikings and the Danelaw”), we can assume it carried as much weight for them as it did for the historical people. 

(Indeed, it’s implied, if not directly stated, in the text what a big deal oath breaking is. Don’t say “oath breaking” too loud or the Silmarillion fandom will come out of the woodwork)

The big takeaway: BIG DEAL TO FORSWEAR YOUR OATH. 

And he did it! Which is why I don’t buy the “it was because of Eowyn and like some nice jewels.” You don’t betray your country, you don’t forswear your oath to your king, simply because you’re hot on the king’s niece and Saruman might give you a raise. 

And, as a liege man to Theoden, he was part of Theoden’s household so would have eaten, worked with, lived with everyone else in the household (Eomer, until he becomes Third Marshal; Eowyn; Hama; Theoden’s guards etc.) 

So, you live with these people, eat with them, drink with them, spend all your time with them, for circa 10 years then you do a bunk and betray them? Something happened. I suspect it was years and years of things happening. 

Overall, I think it to be a combination of things. As is usually the case for these sorts of crimes. In this case, a nice mix of fear, desperation, greed, resentment, anger and desire. 

Fear/Desperation: So, to Grima’s mind the world is ending. Why wouldn’t he think this? Hell, even the Wisest and the Fairest (i.e. wizards & elves) think it’s ending. Why wouldn’t this poor bloke from some small country nearby to Mordor not think it an existential threat to an unimaginable degree? 

Grima is sat here in Rohan looking at Mordor going "oh fuck" then who are the leaders left? Denethor (slightly bonkers) and Theoden (past his prime and lacklustre, like his father and grandfather). 

This is not a man with a strong moral fiber. Or...any moral fiber, let’s be real. He does not have the fortitude to stick it out through hopeless situations. And it would have been hopeless to his eyes. And those around him (see: Eomer’s do not trust to hope… Sure Saruman was a problem, but he wasn’t just talking about the white wizard).  

Gandalf’s plan, which none of these people were ever wholly aware of, was a goddamn Hail Mary pass and it worked. Barely, but it did. NO ONE had reason to believe it would, though. And those are people in the know. Not someone like Grima who has no fucking clue what Gandalf et al is up to. He sees Gandalf then like … Nazgul torture him on the planes of Rohan (Unfinished Tales). He sees Gandalf then bad things happen. 

Lathspell indeed. 

Greed & Desire: I don’t think I need to go into these ones too much. They’re pretty self explanatory. Grima and Black Phillip hung out and the goat asked Grima if he wanted to live deliciously and Grima, like any normal person, said: um, yes please? Also, Eowyn was around being badass, beautiful and untouchable. 

Resentment/Anger: Alright, more probing in the dark. I suspect, for one reason or another (and these reasons would vary depending if you’re looking at books or movies), he was someone who was always treated as other/differently, teased, picked on, isolated, overlooked, doesn’t measure up to Rohan’s military ideal of masculinity. All of which creates an underlying resentment issue.

And nothing festers quite like resentment. 

On top of that, I also suspect he was always told he was a snake/untrustworthy/not worthy etc. and if you're told something enough, and you don't have anything or anyone else telling you the opposite, there is a strong chance you become that thing.

It's a chicken and egg: the face you wear to the world tells the world how to treat you; the world tells you what you are and that is how you shape your face.

THEN you add in Saruman. Who is clearly, in the text, abusive. Which, if there were any inferiority/bullied etc. issues that are informing Grima’s actions, Saruman is just going to amplify it. 

“You are a traitor because you’re a snake, and you’re a snake because you’re spineless, weak, nothing more than a creature that crawls on its stomach on the ground. Snakes are bad, evil things. Which is all you’ve ever been. Barely deserving of the good treatment I give you etc.” <-- all of which is basically a summary of what Saruman has been saying to him for a few years at this point (in the book, it’s only tangentially implied in the movies). 

So Grima sort of morphed himself into what he believed himself to be, fuelled by that perversity resentment causes: Oh you think I’m a snake? I’ll be the best goddamn most poisonous snake you ever did see. Just watch me. 

He is trapped in this situation. A hutch to trammel some wild thing in. 

Which leads me to an interesting point that I think gets lost sometimes: Narratively, he and Eowyn are similar in what they are experiencing. Isolation, being overlooked, misunderstood/misrepresented, don't fit into societal roles and expectations etc. They just go in very different directions in how they respond to it.

I think that's why, in the film, it was smart to have her give pause and listen to him because what he's saying resonates. He is, in some ways, speaking as much for himself as her. But then, of course, he's also just trying to shit disturb and make mischief so of course, at the end of the day, any sympathy he is attempting to convey is laced with poison.

I do wonder, too, if he's the first person to see her fear and her frustrations and acknowledges them out loud. Which is powerful. To have someone see you. Damn shame it's Grima. Still, Eowyn (in the film) paused and listened for a reason.

-

A brief aside on my idle, ill founded thoughts on gender and Rohan: 

One of the reasons I think Eowyn and Grima go in diverging directions, is that Eowyn is performing masculinity, in her society's accepted interpretation of it. Masculinity, in Middle Earth, is clearly the norm. And in Rohan, it’s a very particular iteration of military-focused masculinity that is idealized (you can bet, men who killed like 10 orcs were awarded places in court above Grima who served as advisor for like ten years but hasn’t killed an orc ever).

Eowyn’s desire to live/perform this more masculine ideal caters to the subconscious thing of “Masculinity is Natural Neutral Ideal” so of course you would want to be more like A Man. Whereas Grima is the opposite, not performing masculinity according to Rohan's accepted view of it.

And gods, in Anglo-Saxon culture (therefore, Rohan’s, most likely. I see no evidence to the contrary) is that a difficult position to find yourself in. Back in AS England, being called argr, unmanly, or to be accused of ergri, unmanliness, was one of the worst insults you could throw at a man (indeed, some laws said you could kill a man in retaliation for calling you such things). I would bet my shirt that people used such insults about Grima in this world. Which is all kinds of messed up.

-

Now, my interest in him is my general love for a good redemption arc for the most hopeless of characters. It’s why I struggle to call Boromir’s arc, when he’s written as living, a redemption arc. Because I don’t know he has much to redeem himself for. In his own mind, sure, yes, but externally? Not in my view, at least. He has things he’s done wrong and needs to make amends for. But that’s different from redemption.

Grima, on the other hand, is one whose walk-back from evil would be a full on redemption arc. And I like it because he’s not nice, he’s not pleasant. He will never be nice or pleasant or cheerful. But learning how to love and be a good person doesn’t require niceness. 

Saruman could be plenty nice. Sauron could be plenty nice. Look what they turned out to be.

And in my writing, I do hope I’m treading that line between creating an understanding of who Grima is without Kylo-Ren-ing him. Or, woobiefying him, as the old parlance was. That’s the line I’m really aiming for. I want people to not hate him. I want them to understand him. Oh, still condemn him, still judge him, disagree with him, acknowledge and know he did bad things and isn’t a nice person. But the end game is to add some understanding and nuance.

Shades of grey.

Also I’m a sucker for challenging redemptions.

--

Why Eomer/Grima? 

Because I am an agent of chaos. 

More seriously, I was never overly taken with the Grima/Eowyn approach, personally, which is obviously popular (um...within the Grima world), and closer to canon. There are some beautifully written fics and art out there for the two of them, so if you’re into that. The creators in that nook of fandom are top notch.

I always liked the drastic opposite of Grima and Eomer. As I noted above, Grima and Eowyn are two sides of the same coin. Both bitter and resentful and trapped. And that’s a lot of fun to play with, and i get it. But for me, I love a good strong contrast of personalities in my pairings. (If that uh … isn’t readily apparent.)

I think both Eomer and Grima would have a lot to teach each other and in some really interesting ways that neither would expect. I can see both getting under each other’s skin in that way where you’re sort of always thinking about them.

Grima is also someone who has had very little love in his life (I suspect he wants it, he just doesn’t know how to give or receive it). Eomer is someone who has lost a lot of people (parents, quasi-uncle for a few years there. I think it’s why he’s so controlling over Eowyn. Didn’t want to lose her). And I think there’s something in there where they could help each other grow. But I’m a sucker for some beauty to be there, in the end. Some hope.

Mostly, though, I think it boils down to their dynamic and the angst potential. Eomer is this brash, forthright, fiery third marshal of the mark who may or may not think things through. Big of heart, dumb of ass. Then there’s Grima who is quiet and reserved, cynical, critical, always has a plan or five, gets by via his wits etc. Lots of fun potential there. 

[softyoongiionly]

Mundane 🏡

Fridays are meant to be celebrated. However, after long week at the office and a stupid fight with your husband, you’re unsure of how much you’ll be able to celebrate. For better or for worse though...right?

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Smut (18+ only please), slight angst, fluff, there may or may not be a little bit of a crossover in this pic and, if you pick up on it, I LOVE YOU. (and also Yoongi, I love Yoongi), established relationship!, husband! Yoongi, Musician! Yoongi

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: Smut, language, slight angst (y’all already know I only do happy endings on this blog)

A/N: Helloooo this is one of the final parts in the days of the week series and, it’s not fully edited so please forgive any typos for now. I wanted to get it up before the end of the night. LOVE YOU.

Friday night.

Thank God.

You had been working tirelessly on your latest community outreach project for the past 5 days and, according to your timesheet, you had logged 60 hours for the week.

20 hours of overtime, 4 hours of sleep and, the constant threat of your project deadline have left you feeling completely and totally drained.

The train ride home seems to drag on and on and, rather than staring at your phone, you’ve taken to staring out of the window at the blur of colors rushing by.

The leaves are changing colors.

The air is growing crisper.

You should feel cozy.

But, you don’t

You’re stressed, your hair is growing greasy, your patience is paper thin and, your heart…well…

That’s another thing entirely.

Your Thursday evening had ended on a rather sour note.

There was an arduous and exhausting argument that transpired between you and the only person in the world who was more stubborn than you were: your husband.

Yoongi was a patient and, collected man. He rarely ever lost his temper but, when he did, he was nothing short of impossible.  

It was a stupid argument, an argument born out of longing for one another. You don’t remember much of what initiated it, you just know it ended with Yoongi accusing you of undermining his work and, you accusing him of not being attracted to you anymore.

Truly ridiculous claims.

You were Yoongi’s number one fan and, he was so attracted to you that he often chooses to avoid you, lest he get distracted from his work.  

Nothing was truly amiss in your marriage; there were just not enough hours in the day.  

Not enough time to indulge in one another, not with both of you being complete workaholics.  

Yoongi slept on the couch last night, an extremely rare occurrence. You fell asleep clutching your pillow, wishing it was your husband’s lithe body in your arms…

He always liked being the little spoon, although he’d never admit it.

Your heart felt soggy in your chest and, you sniffle slightly, holding back the tears that threatened your eyes as your train squeaks to a stop.

Home was near and, while you were eager to unwind, the nerves bubbling in your stomach distracted from that desire.

The bustling noise of the city streets were far too much for you to handle. Everything was so loud. The talking, the scrapping of suitcases and umbrellas against the linoleum made you dizzy.  

Fuck…umbrellas.  

The nasally voice of the weather forecaster echoes in your mind, it was due to rain this evening.

Yoongi always puts the news on when he gets ready in the morning and, you remember hearing it through the wall of the bedroom along with the rustling of his things.

Woefully unprepared, you begin the ascent up the subway staircase, the tell-tale pattering of rain confirming your fears.

You were going to be soaked by the time you reached home.

Soaked, was an understatement…

Your teeth chatter as you shakily attempt to unlock the front door, hugging your bag tightly to you, to prevent any further water damage.  

Successfully, you manage to swing open the door, huffing in frustration as you haphazardly hang your things up by the door, shrugging your soaking wet coat off in the process.  

Your home was much warmer in temperature but, the atmosphere feels cold and unwelcoming.  

The sheets of music that are littered on the dining table and, a messenger bag hanging over the back of the chair however, let you know that you are not alone.

Yoongi must have made it home before you a rare occurrence considering he is the most sought after musician in the city and, it was Friday night.

Another throb pushes through your heart.

Of course, the one-time both of you had a night off together; it had to be after an unresolved argument.  

“I left the umbrella out for you, why didn’t you take it?” You jump in your bones slightly as a familiar voice fills the silence.

Yoongi is sitting on the floor of the living room, dressed in a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt, another pile of music strewn about in front of him. Dark eyes are flitting over you and, while he’s attempting to look disinterested, you can tell he’s concerned for you.

You nod, setting your cell phone on the kitchen counter, “I didn’t realize you’d left it out, I should have looked though, thank you anyway…”  

His brows shift, unimpressed, “You’re going to get sick…”

With a sigh, you shrug, not wanting to deal with his cold demeanor, you couldn’t stomach it, “I’m sorry, I’ll keep my distance if that happens…”

Yoongi had a fear of getting sick, as sickness would prevent him from getting gigs which would lead to less financial contribution on his end.  

However, your response takes him back and, his face turns up in annoyance, “You’d still be sick regardless, which is my concern…”

Your hands raise, conceding with him but, you could also feel yourself getting annoyed, “Yeah, I get it. I’ll take some Vitamin C tonight…”

He lets it go, sensing your irritation, his own heart clenching in his chest, “There’s some in the bathroom cupboard. I’m sorry you got rained on…”

Relaxing slightly, you throw  a half smile his way, “It’s ok. It woke me up, I was ready to get home and pass out. These hours are killing me…”

There is a breathless laugh that leaves Yoongi’s mouth but, it isn’t genuine. It’s a curtesy and, an attempt to distract the two of you from what really needs to be said.

“I feel you. I don’t remember the last time I was home on a Friday…” He’s nodding, eyes flitting around the room, lips pursing for a moment before he settles his gaze on you.

You return his nod, letting out another breath, “It’s been awhile,” The shiver that wracks your body, reminds you that you’re still wearing wet clothes and, you gesture towards the door to your shared bedroom, “I gotta change really quick, I’m freezing…”

He nods, leaving you to it, his gaze turning back to the music laid out in front of him. Yoongi knows he needs to say something to you but, he’s too exhausted and frustrated to articulate himself.  

All he knows is that he misses you.  

That’s the real issue here.  

Your both adults and, you have responsibilities and, shit to tend to but, lately, Yoongi has been yearning for the days when you both were still dating.

Not because, he feels any differently about you but, because, things were different back then.  

Everything was so much fun. The late nights you’d both spend endlessly talking to one another, the random road trips and adventures, the sex…

Good lord, the sex…

Yoongi had never been much of a sexual person before he met you. He knew he enjoyed it but, you, you had been his sexual awakening.  

It was constant, playful, sensual, messy, addicting; it captivated him.  

You captivated him.

He’s realizing now that, he’s being an idiot.  

You’re still that same couple.  

You’re just older now and, not even by that much.

He’s been letting adulthood get too far in the way of what really matters: you.  

You and, the people he loves.  

That’s it.  

Stress really shapes a different world.

His train of thought is interrupted by you strolling into the living room wearing nothing but, his old college hoodie and, a pair of black boy shorts.  

Fuck.  

He smirks to himself, fingers fumbling with the edges of the music sheet before he speaks, “Don’t you own any of your own sweatshirts?”

If you didn’t notice the smirk on Yoongi’s mouth, you would have taken his comment seriously but,  instead you return his expression, leaning against the counter, “I do but, this one tends to weaken your resolve so, I made an executive decision to steal it…”

He chuckles, shaking his head at you, leaning back against the arm of the couch, “My resolve has been fucked for a few years now…I don’t think the thievery was necessary...”

You chew on the inside of your cheek, admiring the way the stretched out collar of his t-shirt exposes his collar bones, “You still have quite a bit…you slept on the couch last night…”

Yoongi feels his heart clench at your words. He knows that his choice to sleep alone had truly hurt you.

You never wanted to go to bed angry at one another and, you made him promise when the two of you got engaged that it would rarely happen.  

He sighs, teeth nibbling on his lip, “You’re right. That was kind of a dick move wasn’t it?”

Feeling small under his gaze, you nod, fingers playing with the sleeves of the hoodie, “Major dick move…especially sense its colder out. I was freezing…”

He pouts then, an overwhelming amount of fondness enveloping his heart. He opens his arms to you, pushing his music aside, “ Shit…c’mere…”

You narrow your eyes at him playfully before, giving in, unable to resist your husband, your heart desperately needing his affection.  

Yoongi smiles triumphantly as you saunter over to his place on the floor.  

He’s warm and, tender as you sit in his lap, your hands sliding slowly up the length of his torso, fingers squeezing his tense shoulders as you reach them.  

He still melts underneath your touch and, he only wish you understood that.

Yoongi’s mountainous hands eagerly slid up your thighs, securing themselves on your hips, his expression still dejected but fond as he looks up at you, “There she is...hi”

You smile softly down at him, something wordless moving between the two of you, “Hi…”

He bites his lip, eyes turning all kind of soft as he admires you, his hands squeezing your hips as a regrettable expression covers his face, “I’m sorry about last night…I hate arguing with you.”

Nodding sagely, you push a hand through his freshly washed black hair, admiring the texture of it sans any sticky hair product, “I know, so do I. I’m sorry too, I could have handled things differently.”  

He turns to press a kiss to the inside of your wrist, inhaling the faint scent of your perfume, causing you to giggle.

“ Creep…”

He chuckles, retaliating my biting you, his somber expression faltering, “Says the one who insists on wearing my shit so, she can smell my cologne…”

Another giggle leaves your lips as you cuddle in closer to him, “Shut up…”

Yoongi chuckles again, releasing your wrist before one of his hands comes up to brush a bit of hair out of your face, “I miss you…”

A simple phrase leaves his mouth but, both of you know it means so much more.  

You haven’t had a moment like this, a genuine, intimate moment, in months.  

“I miss you too,” You lean against his hand, shifting slightly on his lap, “Did you eat dinner yet?”  

He shakes his head, returning his hand to your hip, “No, I was waiting for you. Are you hungry?”  

You nod as you lean forward, tucking your face into his neck, wanting to feel closer to him. He chuckles but, slides his hands up, rubbing your back tenderly.

“Yeah, me too. Is there something you’re in the mood for? We don’t have a lot of groceries in the house…”

You smirk to yourself before worming your way between the two of you, hooking a finger underneath the band of Yoongi’s sweats tugging at it playfully.

He jumps slightly at the sensation, laughing in disbelief, “Yah! What do you think you’re doing huh?”

You giggle, feeling a swarm of warmth in your chest, “You asked me what I was in the mood for…”

Yoongi, still chuckling, untucks your face from his neck, directing a stern and, playful gaze toward you, “You’re saying you want my dick for dinner then?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying…” You concede giggling again, before squealing as he pinches your hips.

He smirks, brows raised to challenge you, “Are you being serious?”

“We haven’t had sex in two months, of course I’m serious…”

Yoongi feels the familiar sensation of arousal starting at the tips of his toes.

It’s been so long since the two of you were intimate.

Way too fucking long.  

He bites his lip, eyes darkening slightly, before patting your hips, “Good point…lets go…”

Giddiness strikes the pit of your stomach as you scramble off of his lap, holding a hand out to help him up.  

He takes it, chuckling at your eagerness as the two of you make your way to the bedroom.  

Yoongi rushes up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, pushing the tent in his sweats up against your ass.  

You spin around in his arms, holding his cheeks in your hands, practically bursting as he smiles, gums peeking out underneath his top lip.

“Kiss meeeee…” You whine playfully as he chuckles, leaning in towards your mouth, hints of mint on his mouth.

Yoongi obliges, kissing at you tenderly, sucking your bottom lip in between his teeth, “Did you brush your teeth when you got home?”

He always does, he brushes them like four times a day…

“Yeah I did, I had pasta for lunch so, you should be thanking me….” He murmurs, smirking into the kiss as he walks you backwards toward your shared bed.  

You laugh at that, not pressing the issue you further as you fall back against the bed. Yoongi clambers on top of you, nestling between your legs, pressing hips into your aching core, causing a sight to leave your lips.

“I’m really hard…jesus…” Yoongi whispers, chuckling in disbelief as he feels himself twitch against your pussy. The only thing separating  the two of you being the thin material of your boy shorts.  

You spread your legs wider, giving him better access to you, as you stare up at him playfully, your hand reaching out to palm him through his sweats, squeezing him gently. Yoongi lurches forward, his fingers digging into the pillow case on either side of your head.  

“You trying to make me cum in my pants or something?” He chuckles, eyes alight with arousal , his words causing you to slip your hand into his sweats. Your bite your lip as your fingers encase his throbbing length into your grip, starting at the base of him before slowly squeezing and stroking all the up to the tip of him. A dribble of precum surfaces then, his hips pushing completely against your hand.  

“Wouldn’t be the first time…”You quip, holding his hazy gaze and, he chuckles at that, nodding, his hips rocking in succession with your hand.  

You continue to stroke him and although he would much rather be instead of you, Yoongi is reluctant to stop you from touching him. It’s been so long, he feels his whole body growing warm and tingly at your touch.  

“That feels so good….” He whispers genuinely, head hanging back on his shoulders a bit, the ghost of  a smirk still on his mouth, “ I’m really trying to be inside of you right now though….”

You smirk at that, slowly pulling your hand off of him before reaching for the hem of your underwear, “Get inside then…”

His eyes open and, his teeth gnaw against his lip as he glances down between your legs. Yoongi pauses momentarily before sliding his hands up the outside of your thighs, hitching his fingers underneath the hem of your boy shorts and, sliding them off.

As he leans down, you can feel the hotness of his breath, clenching at the sensation, your clit throbbing in anticipation. He flattens his tongue against your entrance before pushing it all the way up the length of your pussy, swirling his tongue around your clit and, placing a kiss to the top of you.  

“Fuck…I’m definitely gonna want some of that later.” He whispers, smiling to himself as he places a few kisses all over your hips.  

Your heart is picking up in your chest, aroused beyond belief as you giggle down at him, pushing your hips against his face, “You can eat it after you’ve fucked it…”

Yoongi blazes at your comment, sighing out in disbelief before biting your hip, causing you to yelp at the sensation, “Watch your mouth….”

He always says that but, he never means it, its his way of coping with the way your words affect him. Pinching the shoulders of his t-shirt, your husband pulls it off, revealing himself to you.  

As you’re attempting to reign in your desire to salivate over his body, he smirks, nodding to you, “Take it off for me, I wanna see you…”

You oblige, pulling the hoodie off of you, your nipples perking up at the change of temperature. Yoongi takes a deep breath through his nose to control his reaction before reaching down to line himself up at your entrance.

“Good?” His eyes are practically black as they flit to yours, arousal evident in his body language but, he still asks none the less.  

He always does.

“Yeah but, I want you closer, come here…” You grumble, reaching out for him and, he laughs shakily, leaning down to you, elbows on either side of your head.

“Better?” He murmurs against your lips, pecking them twice in succession. At the nod of your head, he reaches down, stroking his dick a few times before slowly pushing himself inside of you.  

The stretch of him is so familiar and, yet, still so good at the same time., your body opening up to him immediately. Yoongi instantly melts into you, lowering himself all the way down so the two of you are pressed tightly together.  

He nudges your nose playfully, slowly starting to rock into you, pleasure all over his face, “Doesn’t hurt right? You’re good?”

He knows it’s been awhile and, your comfort is always a big concern of his.

It always has been…

You brush his hair from his face, a blissful smile etching onto your lips, “More than good, you feel…ah…”  A moan pushes up your throat and, you laugh at the interruption, “You feel so good…”

Yoongi chuckles, admiring the way the pleasure looks on your face, “So good huh? Did you miss me?”

Nodding immediately, you kiss at his lips, hips moving with his rhythm, back arching slightly.

“Did you miss me?” You whisper against his lips, running a hand through his hair, your other free hand bracing on the side of cheek.

He smiles, nudging your nose, his eyes lulling as the pleasure begins to seep further and further into his senses, “I missed you so much.”

Yoongi kisses down your chin before working his way into your neck, alternating between gentler and firmer sucks against your skin.  

His hips are increasing their rhythm and, you feel yourself slowly slipping towards the edge. Your pussy is tightening around Yoongi’s length and, the soft groan that leaves your husbands throat lets you know that he can feel it.

“Are you gonna cum?” He whispers, kissing his way up to your ear, nibbling on the lobe it of, his hips pumping into you harder.  

“That’s definitely part of the plan...” You moan, smirking playfully up at your husband.

His hair is starting to stick to his forehead, his chest and collar bones have a slight sheen of sweat upon them and, his mouth is turned up in a pleasure induced smile, “Ok well, my dick is throbbing right now so, either you stop clenching or, I have to....ugh...”  

His sentence falters as you clench again, just to spite him and, he immediately pinches your side, causing you grab his hand, giggling as you bring his fingers to your mouth, “Or you have to what...”

Yoongi’s rhythm is slowing down as his eyes are suddenly very entranced by what you’re mouth is currently doing to his fingers. You suck his middle digit between your lips, laving your tongue around the curves and lines of it, hollowing out your cheeks just as you would if your mouth was wrapped around another part of him.

“Stop...you can’t do shit like that if you expect me to last jagi...” Yoongi’s gnawing on his lip again and, you feel his dick twitch inside of you as he feels you nibble on the tip of his finger.

“Yoongi...harder...” You moan against his finger tips, trying to reach your high whilst also driving him crazy.

“Harder?” He sighs out the word, brows going up as he starts fucking into you with more fervor, “Like that?”

You nod as you wrap your hands around your husbands body, holding him tighter to you as you fuck him back, ensuring your hips clash at the same time.

“Y/N, I’m gonna cum...” Yoongi whimpers hopelessly into your neck, hips moving on their own accord as he holds onto you.

“Me too...me too, fuck...Yoongi...”  

--------------------------------------------------------------

The two of you are wrapped up in one another moments later.

Shaky breath, the sound of the fan in your bedroom and Yoongi’s slightly unsteady heartbeat are all you can hear at the moment.  

You haven’t felt peace like this in quite some time and, you’re relishing in the feeling between you and the man laying on your chest.

“I don’t want to go that long without you again, if that’s cool. That shit sucked...”

You smile softly at Yoongi’s assertion, kissing the side of his head, “We’ll be better at balancing from now on, it’s great that we’re doing so well at work but, we have to make time for eachother too...”

You feel him nod, his arms tightening around your waist as he burrows further into you.

"I love you.”  

“I love you too Yoongi.”

The silence lingers for a few more minutes before you speak up, “Do you wanna order in tonight?”

“Sounds good...what do you want?”  

As you look down at the man you love, a swarm of memories envelops you as you choose your answer, “Dumplings, from Green Terrace...”

The biggest, gummiest smile erupts on your husbands face but, you can’t see it, he just presses his lips to your chest, holding back a bit of a emotion that lingers in his throat.

“Dumplings it is.”  

Dumplings forever.