#i fucking hate everything i draw and im trying to learn to not hate it

[luckyshouse]

i really like the way this shot is framed

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[snekdood]

i honestly deserved none of the shit ppl did to me that lead me to this point

[luvsavos]

life kicks me in the ribs yet again: more than likely i won't be able to get all the money i need in time for the alatreon model, so. got excited for nothing :)

[dexaroth]

auuugh im so tired of not managing to accomplish anything in like thelast 3 years i just cant start a project anymore and nothing gets doneeee

[poppy-metal]

hnngnngnggggnnn Patrick being a spoiled little rich boy <3

need to be his sugar baby :( getting to lounge around his mansion and use his black card at any shops you want as long as your mouth or pussy or ass are available to him whenever he wants :((

his little free use girlfriend who he parades around at important events in skimpy dresses that make people stare at you in shock, all so he has easier access to lift up your skirt or tug down the top and reveal your tits if the whim arises :((((

#needthat

need to be rich!patrick zweigs bratty sugar baby. need to be his little mistress because he never separated from his family and grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth and became pro at tennis and became like all the other boring fucking older men at his fathers country club he swore he'd never be. need him to hate his life and how easy everything was to obtain and how his marriage is loveless and she doesn't even put out and his kids are rich little brats he can't connect with because they're little ipad kids, absolute demons, they wont go outside with him they dont wanna learn to play tennis or any sport or run around and make stick and dirt soup like he did when he was a kid and life is so fucking boring everything is in grays - until he meets you.

at a bar one night. its not the first time hes cheated on his wife - but it might be the first time he's fallen in love. he sees you and wants to fuck you immediately. already decides he'll have your panties around one ankle while he shoves a tongue up your cunt in the bathroom stall - he buys you a drink and you let him. you're sweet and flirty and you draw him in like a bee to a pretty flower - he's subconsciously leaning in, eyes can't stop dropping to your lips.

things take a turn though when you get up to leave and he blinks because he didn't mean to get swept up in the conversation - chases after you to try again - to take you back to a hotel or even in the back of his car - but you tell him no.

he just looks at you. confused. hard. "no." he repeats. rolls it around in his head. foreign. hasn't heard it much before. it sounds sweet coming from your lips.

"you're not fucking me." you tell him simply.

that shouldn't turn him on but it does. he's not stupid. you were attracted to him. he'd seen the way you looked at him - bitten your lip. he knows he's not projecting, because even now you're smiling as you say it.

he rubs a thumb over his bottom lip as he checks you over. strappy heels, but cheap. tight little bodysuit, but not designer. flashy purse but he knows the diamonds on it are fake.

ah.

"you in college?"

you smooth a hand down your hair. "sophomore year."

he nods, leans against the brick building of the bar. fishes in his coat pocket for his packet of cigarettes. "what're you studying?" he flips the box open, slides a cig out - brings it to his lips.

you eye him curiously as he roots for his lighter next - trying and failing to ignore the heat in your belly at how good this man looks leaning against something with a cigarette dangling from his lips.

"we already did the small talk, dude. you're not getting any."

he ignores that. lights his cigarette and inhales. he likes that you're obviously irritated but you dont move away. he blows smoke through his nose. says again, "what're you studying."

you huff. roll your eyes. he watches you calmly, taking drags his cig. in the cool night air you can't tell the exact shade of his eyes, but you think they're green. everything about him screams money and dominance.

you cross your arms. "law." short but simple.

he nods like that makes sense, flicks ash.

"that's good." he says it in a way that sounds like he means it but also could be condescending and you dont know why that makes you swallow deeply. "expensive, though."

you narrow your eyes.

"you think im poor?"

usually someone would fumble after being called out like that but patrick just smiles in a way that says he knows you are -

"i know you're not rich."

you bristle. that hurts. you don't know why. who wants to look rich, anyway. fucking snobs. but still, its embarrassing to be told the distinction in class is obvious to someone else who's far far above you. you can already tell the watch hes wearing costs more than the apartment you can barely afford.

"thanks for the unasked for observation, dickhead." you yank your purse strap higher on your shoulder, make to turn away. "I'd say its been pleasant but well, it hasn't. so."

you make it a couple steps before he calls out -

"I'll pay it."

you're alot of things. you're haughty and stubborn and yeah, not rich. you're also down on your luck and struggling and drowning in so many things in the moment - barely being able to afford your own fucking beer at this point when what you wanted to accomplish in life would take thousands, thousands of dollars. so hearing the word 'pay'. well, yeah. it makes you turn around to face the guy.

"you'll what?"

he knows you heard. it was cute how you perked right up.

"I'll pay it." he gestures towards you. "all of it - your semester. your tuition. textbooks. whatever else you need."

you gawk at him.

the thing is. he's attractive. alarmingly so. disarmingly really. he's tall and broad and he dresses well. he has that perfectly styled hair and deep rich man scent that makes your mouth water. a beautiful face with a rouge kind of touch. you'd have fucked a man like him under any normal circumstance, but given the way your life is going at the moment - you haven't the time to waste on pretty men with big dicks.

probably. he probably has a big dick.

"you're fucking kidding me."

"nah." he licks his bottom lip. takes another drag. flicks more ash to the pavement. he looks at you like he's already imagining you naked in front of him. "I'm good for it."

"well duh." you look him up and down. "you look like you just stepped out of a magazine for mens wealth or whatever. why the fuck are you offering? you expect me to suck your dick for it or something?"

you say the last part sarcastically, rolling your eyes - but patrick just looks at you seriously. sucks the humor right from your bones when he says - "yeah, i do."

two things happen in your body.

firstly, you stiffen. the urge to slap him for being so derogatory making your fingers twitch at your sides. your face burns.

secondly and most apparently, your cunt throbs. your nipples tighten. you inhale sharply in a way patrick notices. smirks at.

you blink at him several times.

"i can't believe you just seriously said that to me." you say it kind of breathlessly. you really can't believe it though.

"should i be more clear?" he takes one step towards you. "i want to fuck you - you want to fuck me, but you won't do it for free. I'm offering to pay you for it."

"i - im not a whore."

the grin patrick gives you makes a tremble shoot through your whole body. you feel it in your toes.

"you sure about that?"

you really should slap him.

you dont.

you fumble, "you're married." you'd spotted the ring at the bar earlier. it hadn't been the reason you turned him down initially, but still.

"you dont care about that."

fuck.

"you cant just...... buy whatever you want. im a person."

he nods. he's done with his cigarette so be crushes it beneath his boot. "give me your hand." he just takes it anyway. you watch dumbly as he gets a pen from his pocket - how many things did he have in his fucking pocket? - bites the cap off, and brings the tip to your palm. "this is the number for my personal phone."

of course he had multiple phones. he doesn't let go of your hand when he's done writing. rubs his thumb into the pulse point at your wrist.

"when you change your mind -" when not if. "- i want you to call me."

you go to pull your hand away, but patrick squeezes it.

"one more thing."

he's close enough the spicy mint scent of him fills your nose. he dips his head so he's closer to your ear, you feel the stubble on his chin graze your cheek -

"when you let me fuck you - you will be a cheap whore. you'll let me do what I want to you. and i know its not because of the money. but i understand what its like to need something to let yourself have something else." he turns his head. kisses your cheek. "don't take too long to call, though. I'm not a patient man."

[washmouthing]

What are your thoughts on the mouthwashing characters?

FIRST ANON ON MY BLOG LETS GOOO

Andkdedjeidheidheu there is so much I could say. Where to start.

Curly is sooooooo. He makes me insane. I need to put him under a microscope. There are so many posts on my blog where people have talked about him in far more eloquent terms and I don’t know how to succinctly explain him in a way that wouldn’t take 10 paragraphs. But yeah. I love him so much even though he kind of sucks,,, blorbo from my game.

I want to beat Jimmy with a bat. Swansea should’ve ended him. The way the game leaves you in the dark about everything at the very start and you slowly find out about him and how shitty he is. I wish I could say I hated him but he’s such a good character that I can’t help but acknowledge him for his place in the story. As a person though. Horrific.

Swansea reminds me a lot of my dad 😭😭😭 which is kind of nice. I think he’s a really good guy and his relationship with Daisuke makes me incredibly miserable. Big Swansea fan, I should draw him at one point.

I LOVE DAISUKE SO MUCH IM GLING TO CRY HE DIDNT DESERVE WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM. He’s the babygirl of all time and he means so so so well, but he’s in such a shitty situation, like. My poor boy. Alexa play “I Bet On Losing Dogs” by Mistski. I think he’s really cute and pretty and also a really miserable character once you peel back how happy he appears to be. He just wants to make his mom proud and find his way :((((((

Anya. Oh my God. She’s so so so gorgeous and she makes me so miserable. She’s trying her best but she never expected things to get that bad, and she’s trapped in a tin can with the man who raped her. What the fuck. The fact that I have to purposefully seek out information about herself because otherwise we don’t learn about anything her because Jimmy doesn’t give a fuck. We learn more about her in the tiny stargazing scene with Curly than any of her conversations with Jimmy. It’s so. I can feel that she’s SUCHHHHHH an interesting person, but we just don’t get to know a lot about her!!!! I love her so much and I want her to take anxiety medication and go on holiday to Switzerland or something.

The embryo monster thing freaks me out and fascinates me in equal measure. I hate it.

[impactrueno]

I saw your twt about holding back on telling stories with serious and deep tones and it reminded me of an issue I had a while back. Im a south park fan and I loved reading deep analysis of the characters. and south park being south park, people dont take it seriously and think its just funny so it doesnt deserve deep analysis like other forms of media. I always came across comments saying "its not that deep" or "doing all of that for south park" and I used to hate that so much because why are you commenting that under the authors post? In media there is like a "spectrum" of how deep you are in it as a fan, and it doesn't make you less of a fan if you like to binge watch the show when you feel like it because its funny. Someone who makes fan fiction and psychoanalyses the characters doesnt make them a better fan than you. I hate "it's not deep" because it is that deep to me, I enjoy it, but it dismisses critical thinking and discourages deep discussions about our interests. I want to learn more about the turning point for eric cartman and the friendship dynamics between the main 4. I want to read psychoanalysis of the characters and understand why they do the things they do. I loved reading fan fics with an author that understood how the characters work and put them in situations while making it believable. Whether the content was deep and serious or lighthearted and silly. I don't see those as cringe at all. What I see as cringe is trying to downplay someones time and effort. you dont care for it. cool, just dont make it our problem.

I believe in recent years, this cringe and its not that deep mentality is linked to media literacy/reading comprehension issues. On top of the fact, that fandoms right now has been "normalized", so alot of mean and rude kids and adults are in this space not having a mature and respectful conversation and discussions, as well as zero fandom etiquette. (I understand the past wasnt this magical respectful place but this behaviour has increased compared to past years).

Please don't worry about making deep content, its super fun and there will be fans of what you write/draw that will definitely be into it.

GOSH anon you are absolutely right. cringe culture has done some serious damage to people's creativity and freedom of expression. doing things in earnest is now cringe to so many people (specifically that 18-21 age where they think they're better than everyone else and everything is cringe to them, image is everything) and they actually give you shit for it?? it's crazy. the most harmless thing in the world. whenever my hey arnold comics would leave my target audience on instagram i would get the meanest comments for no fucking reason, because i was taking hey arnold "seriously" (nevermind that hey arnold is probably the nicktoon with the most emotional depth and moments besides ginger but i digress) but hey at least i'm not the one losing my marbles over some random cartoon comic on the internet.

i think rudeness in general has been too normalized not just in fandom, but in social media in general. it's sad. the only thing you can do about it is be kind as much as you can to counterbalance it. i'd like to think that rubs off on people just like how being rude rubbed off on them.

i said that thing about holding back because i'm admittedly too hard on myself sometimes. no one is calling me cringe or making fun of me for what i do, thankfully, people have been super cool and supportive. and it means a lot to me because i'm very earnest about everything i create, even when i try to hold back. i literally cannot help being myself. it's all i know how to do. i'm just glad i was able to grow a platform where i'm free to be openly passionate about the things i like, talk about them and why i like them, the little things that i find fascinating, the emotions they make me feel, all of that shit is awesome and i wish more people did that.

[alexandraisyes]

More ship headcanons? I do love to ramble. So let me get right on it.

Since you liked me mentioning SolarSun last time. Let's start there

Sun buys solar cups for his coffe with silly little jokes/phrases/pictures on them. Solar's favorite is the one with middel finger on the bottom on the cup that you can see when you take a big swig.

Solar makes charms out for the scraps of metal left over when he is working. Sun wears them on the friendship bracelets he shows off as example for the kids arts and crafts. He has so many that this point. He changes the charms for the example every day. (Solar so makes dublicates of his charms for the kids to use)

Sun was the first to confess, solar was the first to initiate a kiss.

They have secretly danced in the daycare together at night.

Servant Sun / Lord Eclipse.

Sun always makes a bunch of light snacks the morning that he either gives, or leaves in stratic places for his lord to eat. So that he takes better care of himself.

Lord eclipse doesn't enjoy cooking. But after a paricaliarly rough emotional night his servant had. He made him a lavish breakfast the next morning. After seeing how happy it made sun. He is now making breakfast more often just to see that same smile bloom on his face

Lord eclipse actively encourages his servant to read the books in his library to educate himself.And over time sun has started to, but just actively enjoys going though the romance fiction section more...he has noticed the section has grown since he started. Eclipce denies this.

The first time they kissed, was after they got into a fight while in another demenison. Servant sun had a perfect window to leave his lord. And eclipse really thought he would have despite their strained relationship having grown closer. Instead sun rushed in and decked one of the people trying to attacked him and managed to drag the both of them through the portal to their home. Sun had grabbed eclipse faceplate wig worry checking him over for injuries ,(the star was already healing them now that they were back) then with a sob of relief he was kissed.

Earth/eclipse v4

Eclipse hates how much he loves earths hugs. He hates it so much. It makes him feel all warm and weird. He has only hugged back once. It made it even better and that was even scarier.

Earth while learning to knit has made a few plushies. She gave eclipse a black cat one. He scoffed saying he was not sun before taking it. It's still on his desk to this day.

The first time eclipse received a kiss from her (it was on the forehead) he blue screen. It scared earth as hile collapsed for a second. She was sworn the secretary. She teases him in private though.

Eclipse doesn't go outside much. But if he does and sees a goose he takes a picture and send it to earth.

....

Well I think that was quite a few! Hope they were lovely

-Noffy

JKSADJFGLKDF THE CUP IM SCREAMING I might draw that later that's fucking gold Friendship bracelets. . . Yes yes yes Sunny's so shy but confident (but nervous) about confessing and they're both so fucking awkward for a little bit, and then Solar kisses him out of nowhere one day and poor Sun is melting. Solar put on Careless Whispers as a joke and Sun dragged him into dancing to it

KRONOS AND CRIUS LETS FUCKING GOOO God can this be canon please they're literally each other's everything

God shadowplanet beloved 🥺

They were lovely. Thank you for sharing. 🥺🥺🥺

Ask Game - Send Me FNAF/DCA/TSBS Ship Headcanons

[pumpkinsy0]

i need tarry being parents to the siblings hcs PLEASE

tarry as parents w their siblings coming right up anon ☝🏽🤵🏽‍♀️

FIRST OFF darry w curly and angela

•we all already know how darry feels about curly, BUT now that he’s gettin w tim, he HAS to get along w him now🙄

•everytime curly pisses him off he cant even kick him out no more, he just pinches the bridge of his nose, sighs, and goes “ok lets try this again”

•in darrys truck, curlys that kid where no matter if u packed this mf snacks or something to keep him from annoying everyone else around him, he would kick the back of darrys seat while hes trynna drive

•darry and angela dont rlly, have much to say to each other, not even that they hate each other, they just have nothing to rlly bond over, all their convo’s r pretty short and basic like a “so how was ur day 🧍🏽‍♀️🧍🏻‍♂️”

•i could see darry helping angela w homework, she could go to tim but she dunno where he is and darrys right there cooking dinner

•everything they do together, its just quiet, like theres rlly not much to say about em, they dont hate each other, maybe they giggle about at how crazy curly can b at times, but other than that, they keep to themselves around each other

NOW MY FAV BIT,,,, tim w soda and pony,,,,

•tim would find pony funny, and pony doesnt even mean to be, he does or says something and tim chuckles and shakes his head while ponys thinking “whats so funny????”

•pony and tim r both artist,,,let them draw together and show each other their drawings,,, i could also see tim liking to read a bit, not as much as pony but a decent enough amount for pony to be like “omg???�� they have a small lil book club

•pony gets used to tim but also has a but of “oh my god thats tim shepard” feeling within him still, meanwhile tims calling pony small nicknames like little man or somethin along those lines

•tim and soda r like, the most open to each other if that makes sense, they r pretty buddy buddy but not that close, sodas just an easy person to get along w

•while darry has no clue how to interact w curly amd angela, tims over yuckin it up w soda, watching tv

•they rlly only talk during certain parts of the day bc they r busy guys, in the morning they just share like a good morning or something but come afternoon theyre sharing stories over card games

NOW FOR THEM ALL TOGETHER!!!

•they dont even live together, tim was over at the curtis house for a while and curly and angela came over cause whyyyy have u been over there for the past couple days king, we need u</33

•them sleeping on the couches all together watching tv??? awww yeaaa

•the curtis’ took the shepards fishing once (ONCE, it took a bit of convincing to do) and theres a few pics to remember that

•darry makes them their snacks and tim drives the lil bastards to school (and soda to work)

•u cannot escape haitian shepards, darry learned how to speak french in high school and the shepards know french already so im betting all my money that darry and tim could b having a secret convo in french in darrys room “so the kiddos dont hear” but lil do they know, curly and angela r eavesdropping and pony and soda r right there waiting for them to translate

•tims had to get used to pony just waltzing into darrys room bc he had a nightmare and he can handle that, but what he CANT handle is pony standing at the foot of the bed bc pony has a very specific stare and all he sees is his eyes, its like hes the fucking devil child sometime

•they have to constantly argue on wether or not theyre having haitian food or american food, not only for themselves, but for their gangs as well

•speaking of food, the shepards will never get used to soda adding fucking food dye to the food man

[stevie-petey]

Now we gotta have Jonathan's pov lol jk

But what if we get his pov while they were discussing the stings of fate or just random thoughts throughout the season?

ooo anon im gonna try to do this without spoiling something i'll write later this season for 2 but YES !!

enjoy <3

"i have this theory that we're all connected to each other in some way by different threads." you say to jonathan. the november sun stings his eyes but he looks at you anyways and he listens.

he thinks theres some merit to your theory, he can feel a thread between you two as well. jonathan was tied to you the day you showed up on the wheelers porch and took him by the hand and dragged him alongside you.

you explain what all the threads mean, their different relationships and meanings, and jonathan cant help but wonder what your thread is with him.

"so, for our thread. after everything we've been through, all that we've done for one another, what thread would you say our's is?"

your face, which had just been open and relaxed, begins to close off from jonathan. the question has caught you off guard, he knows hes tripped over some line between you two, but hes not necessarily sure which line it is this time.

theres too many lines hes had to learn to navigate with you.

threads and lines.

"our thread..." your voice catches in your throat and jonathan can hear it all. "you know what our thread is, bee."

does he?

it all makes jonathans head spin, but theres a tug in his stomach that draws him closer towards you, that makes him pull you close. he doesnt know what makes him want to hear you say it, to admit what hes known ever since the day he met you. "do i?"

say it, please.

he knows you feel it, too.

you open and close your mouth a few times and jonathan watches helplessly as you swallow it all down like unpleasant medicine.

jonathan buried his brother today. hes sick of burials.

"y/n?" he whispers, pleading.

you try to speak again, but nothing comes out.

it angers jonathan. he knows what thread connects you to him, hes always known it, but youve never acknowledged it and hes never wanted to push you.

but...

you shake your head at jonathan and he decides that he really hates when you do that. push it all aside, pretend that its not there, as if there isnt a glaring ache thats settled between you two for a while now.

jonathan decides, fuck it.

he leans in, allows himself to try just this once, and when you lean in as well he thinks maybe it was always meant to be this way.

but then nancy comes and you look like a deer in headlights. youre scared. did he do that to you?

"you know id do anything for you, right?" jonathan wants you to understand that. to catch onto everything else within his words. hes yours and youre his and he doesnt want you to think anything else.

you tell him that you know, and he tells you youre his best friend and the words burn in his own throat as they slip from his lips. if this is what you want, if this is how things have to be, then he'll swallow it all down alongside you.

[royposting]

i feel like im missing out so tell me about roy harper's abandonment issues (for educational purposes, obviously)

WELL i am glad you asked, i hope the following rant is satisfactory!! this is more ~vibes~ based than evidence based honestly so bear with me.

the thing about roy as a character when he is written well is that he is quite a subtle character; this is partially bc DC never really gave a shit about him honestly. meaning, a lot of what we can gather about him as a character (&person) comes from drawing logical conclusions from canonical events.

for example in my previous roy thesis where i discussed how logically his heroin addiction should be treated story wise compared to what we get.

so:

roy was very little when his father died (depending on which version of events you follow, he sometimes has a mother, sometimes he is a bit older, etc. i personally like devin graysons run for arsenal mini&will use that to base my canon on) and was taken in by the navajo tribe.

then, again depending on your canon, brave bow (his mentor&father figure at this point in time) either hands him off to ollie, or roy himself decides to leave. what we do know is that brave bow got sick and passed away shortly after ollie took roy in. meaning that is two father figures down before the age of 13. his time with the navajo was difficult as well, as he never really fit in, and would be told as such.

he idolised ollie; things obviously didnt turn out great in that regard for him. i dont like to consider ollie a TERRIBLE person, even back then, but he certainly wasnt looking to be the safe father figure this little boy so desperately needed and wanted more than anything.

a lot of it is, of course, that roy wasnt ever a popular character really, but looking at the older (pre new earth) canon, ollie wasnt really home a lot, didnt bring roy with him a lot, and honestly didnt seem to give many shits about him. leaving us with the image of this young boy left alone most of the time, without a proper place in the world.

he was honestly more of a teen titans character than a green arrow one, back then.

then ollie sets off with hal for a year: he doesnt even mention roy in GL/GA #1 when they decide to head out.

he starts messing with drugs around this time. like, how abandoned and lonely does a young person have to be to start shooting heroin? TT break up around this time, too, and donna breaks up with him, dick goes off to college - he is all alone, once again.

again, we have to imagine what fucked up mindset someone has to be in for all of this to happen. how insanely isolated and lonely he has to be to not call his friends and say hes struggling - he feels completely abandoned by everyone in his life.

then ollie punches him in the face and throws him to the street.

later on, left out of the roster of the NTT. we learn when we see him in NTT (vol 01 #27) that hes trying to build a life for himself. he doesnt do much vigilante stuff anymore.

he gets back into it, eventually, but until then, he keeps getting left behind: never good enough for anyone to take seriously nor stick around for. everyone always has too much other stuff, while he doesnt really.

he even fucking reconnects back with ollie like immediately before ollie dies lmao. which is honestly kind of funny in retrospect but ya know.

anyway he eventually gets back into things, becomes a dad, reconnects with his old friends. even joins the JLA. however there is always that layer of hurt over everything he does that just GETS to me ya know? like.

he is sometimes written in a way that i fucking hate where they essentially make him a chauvinist johnny bravo type dude who hits on teenage girls etc. i do not consider this canon. however we DO get a nice explanation for this in titans: secret files and origins (#1) where its essentially considered a front he puts on - similar in a way to how ollie tends to make jokes and be sarcastic when hes feeling insecure.

he tends to do this when cornered with his insecurities. he is so convinced that everyone he loves will leave him that he pushes them away first - ripping that band aid off before they get the chance to. if he acts horribly, noone will want to get close, leaving no room for him to get abandoned again.

yet he tries so, so hard to hold onto those he loves - consider, like, all of outsiders vol 03. consider how he, too, lost his best friend when donna died, but how he puts all of his own grief aside to help keep dick off that ledge. consider how part of his grief that lead to him joining slade in titans vol 02 (#26-38) is that he thought he was irredeemable after the events of rise of arsenal - he thought he had noone and nothing left.

i dont think much of his current issues are necessarily rooted in FACT - ollie (and debatably depending on your canon, brave bow) certainly did abandon him, leaving deep scars. but those are also what he bases his thoughts on his relationships on - this deep seated idea that he CANNOT be loved and wanted for himself and what he is (the romance with hawkgirl of all people certainly didnt help).

it doesnt matter that his friends and coworkers love and value him - we have to imagine the lens that he looks at his life and relationships through. personally id believe it if you said that his relationship to his daughter, lian, was the only one he ever trusted fully in his life - but he still feels like he failed her, that its his fault that she died, and he wonders constantly if he ever was good enough for her.

idk man this is a bible and SOOOO ranty but i care so so so much about him 🥺 and again this is vibes mostly - almost no writers actually give a shit about him so they dont leave space to actually sit and consider how he WOULD feel about these things. so this is just my interpretation. it shines through at times when you have a writer who is interested in him (such as judd winick, or devin grayson in the batman+arsenal mini) but usually they just pretend like his traumas wouldnt affect him at all. and i take issue with that.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[natsmagi]

sorry for making yet another textpost but i came across that post saying they dislike transfem natsume because he "canonically hates being perceived as a girl and tries to erase all sorts of memories related to that" and also went on to shame genderbends of him aswell. So, as someone who not only draws genderbends of natsume but is myself someone who is nonbinary and hates being perceived as a woman, i thought id offer my two cents

first of all; i think its important to note that natsume does NOT hate his childhood. in fact, hes quite happy that he had such an unusual upbringing!

what natsume hates is being perceived as weak. thats why he was raised as a girl after all, it was his mother trying to protect him from evil spirits. he doesnt hate the whole "-chan" or "wearing dresses" thing because he has a hatred for womanhood, its because due to his upbringing hes now come to associate those things as being weak. he begs tsumugi to forget about it because that means tsumugi remembers natsume being weak, and natsume thinks tsumugi still referring to him as "natsume-chan" means he still sees natsume as weak. (iirc natsume did however once say that he is a little sad that he doesnt really know how to relate to young boys due to this in poltergeist, but i couldnt find the exact quote. either way that just adds to the complexity of natsumes relationship with his childhood, because while he is happy to be "abnormal" in that sense, it has left him lacking in some areas)

i have to ask though, should this conflict of his not be something we hope he overcomes? should we not want him to develop a healthy relationship with various gender expressions? should we not want natsume to overcome his belief that feminine things = weakness? i want natsume to reach a point where he can wear feminine clothing and not feel like some damsel in distress because of it. i want natsumes character to grow. i want him to develop a positive relationship with his gender because natsume DOES enjoy some more typically feminine things, like baking! he used to bake with his mom when he was little! and i want him to feel like he can indulge in that side of him without feeling insecure.....

i LOVE transmasc natsume, my primary hc for him is transmasc nonbinary after all, but with all these things considered, shouldnt people be allowed to headcanon him however they want? if they hear his story and negative relationship with femininity and how that resonates with them and they themselves are transfem, should they not be allowed to hc him as such too?

which brings me to my next point; my own personal relationship with gender and femininity. i was raised as a girl and i fucking DESPISED womanhood. i hated everything about it. i hated how i felt forced into a box i didnt want to be stuck in, and i hated how it felt like my whole life had already been planned out for me due to societal expectations, aswell as me needing to present a certain way. i was peak "tomboy" growing up, constantly wearing super baggy clothes and wouldnt even brush my hair alot of the time. but despite that i remained miserable. i frankly hated how i looked and would constantly dye my hair vibrant colors in an attempt to make me like myself a little more. it wasnt until i realized "wow, im actually not a girl at all" that i finally let go of believing i needed to look a certain way (and thus, defying it) and started to dress for myself. i started to dress in clothes that made me happy and feel pretty! alot of which leans feminine, but clothes doesnt have a gender, and how you dress doesnt define your gender either, but it can still be a bit scary yknow? especially since i dont want people to think of me as a girl, and drawing a bunch of femstars has really made me learn to love myself more in a funny way. i can put these characters in clothes i think are beautiful, i can explore the more feminine parts of me that i adore but dont want to express in public due to how i want others to perceive me, but it has also warmed me up to femininity even more. because femstars to me feels detached from the expectations of society because its not a real thing!! there are no canon femstars designs!!! i can do literally whatever the hell i want with it and its been so liberating to me!!

all this to say; i think it really sucks seeing the way this fandom treats transfem hcs and explicit genderbends, because like ive said before; they can truly be something so personal. you dont know why that person is drawing what theyre drawing, so its a little unwise to make assumptions based on ........ Well, whatever it may be. i know very well that women dressing the way society expects them to SUCKS, esp if you have personal ties to it, but you have to realize the issue isnt femininity, but misogyny.

[dragonroilz]

Hey there! I've come across your art ever since I got into Risk of Rain 2 (better late than never, I've been sleeping on this game for years, jesus), and I'm enamoured with it, to say the least. Is there any advice you could perhaps give for an aspiring artist?

you're getting an essay whether you like it or not.

tl;dr of it if you dont want to read

- learn how to take critique

- dont skip fundamentals

- tracing is okay*

- be mindful when drawing

- you wont see good results for a long time

ok firstly, glad you like my art! i try my best on pretty much everything i make so the compliment is greatly appreciated!!

secondly, you have NO clue how much i love yapping about how to draw. im not an expert on how-to-draw-ology but i like to think i know enough to help other people not swing in the dark when it comes to getting better.

learning how to take criticism is THE most important part. not getting butthurt or at least listening to peoples critiques when they mean well is critical to improvement because its specialized advice for you. you have no clue how many young and/or new artists have gotten mad at me for giving critique when they specifically asked me for it. if youre looking to improve you gotta bite that bullet. not all criticism is valid(dont listen to people who are just tryna make you upset), but good and valid criticism can come from anyone. dont unvalidate someone's critique just because theyre not an artist or "not as good" as you. try and get as much feedback as you can and move onto the next piece instead of fixing something to perfection. you will get obsessed in a very destructive way.

learning fundamentals is another step to getting better. that means actually learning perspective, hands, anatomy, and all of the other stuff people hate drawing. its like lifting weights. most people dont like it but if you want to get stronger you need to put in the time to do the painful stuff.

chris christodoulou(ror's composer) actually made a similar comment about the topic of improvement in his field that was along the lines of "if you want to write music, stop playing video games and read a book". he got a lot of shit for saying that but honestly its true.

you need to treat art as a discipline if you want to get better at it. draw as much as you can for as long as you can before it becomes a health hazard. when im not resting i tend to draw at least three hours a day, not counting the 3 to 6 hours additional hours a day i draw during college. obviously a beginner doesn't need to draw that much but drawing daily is a good start.

if you want resources on where to look for fundamentals, Sinixdesign and Ethan Becker were who I turned to for advice that is relevant to the industry. There's definitely others out there but I tend to do more self studying so i don't know the more recent stuff.

something that they'll bring up is that tracing isn't bad AS LONG AS YOU DONT POST IT AND CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN. it's a good way to see how other people deal with stylization, but its absolutely not okay to post that stuff online. treat it like how traditional painters do master studies. its for your own education, not clout. and you shouldn't be drawing for clout anyway.

last but not least, draw what you love and you'll always love drawing. dont be afraid to hyperfixate and lose interest in things. it will help you continue your art journey. a lot of people in my art school have little to no motivation to draw outside of college because they have no interest in drawing outside of assigned work, which is not a great relationship to have with art if you want to pursue it in the long run. draw what you want to draw when the motivation hits you. if that motivation is risk of rain? draw it. if it's leg muscles then fuck yeah draw that too.

you can stick fundamental practice into your casual art by being mindful of what you are drawing. that can be done by asking questions about what's going on to further the progress of your art. its kind of hard to explain in text, but its basically just keeping in mind how your lines influence the piece.

in the beginning youre going to have ideas and none of them are going to translate to paper. its going to take years before anything will ever compare to whats in your brain and thats just the sucky part. ive been drawing seriously for about 5 or 6 years and theres still a ton of shit i do NOT wanna touch but i have to if i want to improve.

we're all sisyphus pushing that goddamn stupidass boulder and the only thing we can do is acknowledge how far we've come while still knowing that there's more work to be done. but thats kind of the shit that i live for.

[tireddovahkiin]

Since I'm obsessed with Sephizilia lately, here, have some ship dynamics that are these two while I ACTUALLY make a drawing of Tsizilia already💀

SHIT TON OF ANGST. Like a lot. Both had such massive trauma that healing feels WRONG for them. But they're trying.

Sephiroth is the calm, sly and sarcastic who teases a lot of the two, while Tsizilia is the tired, serious and dry resting bitch face of the two. Tsizilia has a secret soft spot, where she is sometimes flirty, and a bit more energetic than usual. They both hide their fears and insecurities behind their personalities, where Sephiroth fakes confidence, and Tsizilia fakes toughness.

DEPRESSION™ I TELL YOU.

Tsizilia is the one who doesn't care about her well being that, and Sephiroth hates it💀

(They're literally that one meme: "You're the love of my life and I would do anything for you." "I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule." "Absolutely not.") <<< what they actually argue about... such children

SARCASM. SARCASM 24/7. (Except Tsizilia rarely can recognize it when Sephiroth uses it LMFAOOOO-)

Sephiroth and Tsizilia both were unwanted and abandoned in their young years. They both didn't have childhood. So, their copings are different. Sephiroth thinks he doesn't deserve things, and pushes people away, but that is just because he is scared people will leave him, like they always do. He doesn't want to get attached.

Tsizilia however, she is a people pleaser to those she loves and holds close. She is also afraid people will leave her, but instead of pushing away, she will blame herself. She refuses to leave people, because of her SAME fear of abandonment. Tsizilia acts tough, but is actually ready to plead if someone she loves was to leave her.

Once turned evil, they both pledged to each other, that there was no leaving. They will ALWAYS be together against everything. And nothing will make them fall apart.

The two WILL burn the worlds for each other without hesitation.

...

Also, they're like both badass and serve cunt and hot and powerful af and YUHHHHH-

Both introverts. In public, Tsizilia looks like she's ready to commit arson at any moment. Sephiroth reassures that is how her face looks normally when outside (she hates socializing).

BOTH TOUCH STARVED AF. But, Sephiroth is touch repulsed at first. Tsizilia waits. Patiently. She will wait as much as he needs to open up. Sephiroth, too.

Tsizilia is the one who hides her 'true self' the most. What she likes, what she hates, not allowing herself to relax out of fear of judgement/using the vulnerabillity against her. Sephiroth also waits. Encourages her. Reassures her.

They're both very fucked up, closed off, wounded. But, through time, and the help from both of them, they'll learn to heal, open up, and love to the full, full capacity.

(YALL IM SO SORRY I GOT CAUGHT OFF GUARD WITH THE RANT- I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH, I ADORE THEM, IM SO HOPELESSLY ENAMORED BY THEM AND THEIR EXISTENCE-)