#i fucked up on the mouth a bit with the lipstick but ill fix that next time

[doomednarrative]

Working on more designs for the Young Adult au, this is Joker's design!

[vneuns]

HI okay so I WAS THINKING OF A FIC OR HEAD CANON OR WHATEVER YOU FEEL LIKE WRITING about any or all of the feral boys getting a media share dono of a tiktok their gf or s/o looking HOT ASF. If this req makes you uncomfy or you just dont want to do it no worries!! Please and thank you :) <3333

“HOT MEDIASHARES” Fbs & Wilbur

author's note(s): nonnie were you trying to kill me with this request question mark. because i feel like you were. but also ( don't be shy send some more )

cc warnings: not a fem reader but reader wears makeup, bunch of fluff, and other things ig? idk its midnight leave me alone

Dream

*click this to see the tiktok*

It’s his first media share since he’s face revealed and he’s in fucking sweat

He’s sitting in the middle of George and Sapnap with one of your merch hoodies on while your in the discord call doing your hair and makeup for a photoshoot you have

“These suck.” Dream states plainly running a hand through his hair spreading his legs a bit to get comfortable

“Well chat has never been funny so.” Sapnap adds fixing his hat slightly

George snorts shaking his head as the video on screen changes

And to every single one of the boys on screens surprise there’s you

The video starts with you sitting on your bed with your charcoal mask on your face as the song like a boy by ciara plays

You move the camera around in disgust before turning your head

Your hair is now done and styled and you have makeup and your background is a dark blue illuminating as you lip sync the rest

Dreams eyes widen when it comes to an end chat spamming things like “hot” and “omg y’nnnnn”

“Go off N/n” Sapnap whoops and George laughs manically at Dreams reaction

“Wait what do you mean go off what do you mean?” you question finishing your eyeliner as you go to check on the stream where your boyfriend looks like he just saw a ghost

“Wh- I-.. Um.” He lets out a breath “That was hot-”

George

*click to this tiktok*

George and Jack sit on a discord call as they do a you laugh you lose

( which is not going to well )

“It’s like.. None of these are funny.” George states running a hand over his face as the rick roll sent to the media share comes to an end

In the corner he sees a tiktok watermark as the video starts black before you appear

You lipsync to an edited version of “Need to know” by Doja cat turning your phone and acting very energetic

Georges mouth drops a bit a little drop of drool falls from his bottom lip

As the beat drops and the song connected begins your led lights are on and you have a full face of makeup

“Woah, that was something.” Jack says sipping a bit of water moving on

Whilst george is still in shock he hadn’t seen the tiktok before

Sapnap

*click to see the tiktok*

“Karl, I'm so tired. Why is chat so unfunny!!?” your ginger boyfriend groans and sulks into his brunette’s friends’ shoulder

Karl giggles and shrugs patting the top of his hatted head

And before the two boys even have a chance to blink cannibal by Ke$ha is playing and your face has appeared on screen

You bring the phone up from a downwards angle lipsyncing the lyrics before turning the phone upside down and bringing it over your head

When you bring it back down your licking your lips (in a submissive and breedable way might i addd *wink wink* jk jk… unless)

Trying your hardest not to lick off some of your lipstick rasing an eyebrow and just as quick as it started the video ends

Sapnap perks up eyes wide

“Oh my- that was my partner-”

Karl laughs and nods

“Damn their kinds sexy not gonna lie”

Karl

*click to see tiktok*

Your sat on the floor of karls streaming room as he streams a ylyl with the rest of the feral boys

It was his idea, so you sat scrolling through your phone or doing work on your laptop

“Okay i’m kinda tired after these next few then i’ll end.. That alright with you guys?”

He gets a collective group of yeahs before you appear on the screen

Hair wet and smiling widely

Karl takes notice you’re wearing one of his favorite shirts and smiles to himself

But the smile on his face drops when you turn your head and the scene changes

You’re in your shared bathroom hair done and makeup done as well, as karl lays in the background on his phone not paying a single mind to what the heck your doing

You turn your phone to the mirror leaning up against the wall and now it’s only you in frame

Your smile absolutely melts karls heart as the video comes to an end and he can feel the heat rising up on his face

“Or on second thought ill just end it now”

Quackity

*click to see tiktok*

“This is tiring” the boy in a beanie moans throwing his head back looking over at you desperately as you sit on the chair next to him

“You decided to stream, no one forced you to.” you chuckled turning your attention to the screen before your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets when your face appears

Starting off your face is clean and your hair is up in a messy bun

You pull the phone over your head giving the illusion the next time you’ll be fully glamed

But instead you still look the same

Once again you do it but this time you let your hair out of its bun and have gone for a purple kinda look

When the tiktok ends Quackity turns to look at you

A smirk on his face

He turns to the camera grinning “i told them to do that transition.”

WIlbur

*click to see tiktok*

“I’m gonna be ending soon guys, I know this was kinda early for some of you but Y/n is gonna be up soon and I don’t wanna be streaming when that happens.”

Chat spams with “awws” “how cutes’” and “i need a man like wilbur in my life.”

He smiles and shakes his head but an eyebrow raises in question when he gets a mediashare of one of your tiktoks

Starting off your in your bathroom wil has seen countless of times in a pair of pjs’ he had gotten you for Christmas and a pair of gold rimmed glasses you had gotten so the two of you would match

He bites his lip when he feels like his smile is getting a bit too big

And then as the beat drops you lower your phone and raise back up in a different scene

Your led lights are turned on red and you’re wearing a black button up shirt with no shirt under

(obviously pg-13 because tiktok is an asshole)

“Do you guys want to see a simp or something?”

@heyninachumain @inniterhq @basilly @yamturds @dysfunctionalcrab @siriushxney @sqpnap @tinyegg @ttakinou @charnease @i-mmunity @b3l0v3ds @alice-blue-skies @the-swageyama-tobiyolo @mitzimania @joyfullymulti @acidtabletz

[diamond-coral]

Bargaining Chip

Hello! This is my first time posting on Tumblr ever:) I pulled this one-shot from a fic I posted on AO3 a few months ago but the plot is irrelavent and I changed it from first person to second as well as some details so it can be read as a stand alone. There’s some plot from the actual story but you really don’t need to know it at all.

There might be a few errors, especially because I changed the entire point of view and converted it to present tense from past tense so sorry:) 

Loki manages to get his hands on you and exchanges you and your body for his ticket to independence from the Avengers. Bucky gets to go first.

Dark!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Characters included: Loki, and a little bit of Tony, Steve, and Thor

WARNINGS: 18+ ONLY!!! SMUT (NON-CON TOUCHING, FORCED ORAL SEX (m receiving), KNIFE THREATS, DARK! AVENGERS, BUCKY’S AN ASSHOLE IN THIS, DEGRADATION, BASICALLY FORCED PROSTITUTION) READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

You awake in the passenger seat of your own car with only foggy memories of you and your partner before everything had gone dark. Your mission from the CIA...breaking and entering the motherfucking Avenger’s facility and managing to escape...you were so close. If it weren’t for him. In your haze, you look to see who could possibly have the audacity to be driving your car, and there sits Loki, the God of Mischief, who you had only scene on the news, driving one hand and inspecting something in his other.

“Good evening my lady. Sleep well?” he mocks without taking his eyes off the item in his hand which upon further inspection from you looks to be... a red leash?

What the hell?

“I do hope you like your outfit,” he continues. “I think I assembled quite the get up for you.”

Looking down, you let out a muffled scream that was cut off by a strip of duct tape. Your hands are bound in your lap, but that isn’t what horrifies you. It’s what’s underneath them. You take into account your bare legs, fully on display, with a black dress leaving little to the imagination. The top half is just as horrifying with it’s plunging neckline. Your legs end with a pair of strappy gold heels that ensures any chances of running away to be futile while your upper arms are adorned in golden bracelets accented with emeralds. Whether the emeralds were real or fake, you could care less. You have bigger problems to worry about.

“What the fuck?!”

Is what you try to say, but the gag only makes it come out as a mangled ball of muffled murmurs. Though the chuckle Loki lets out implies he understands your enraged speaking attempt.

“You, my dear, are going to be a bargaining chip. I heard about your little escapade at the Avenger’s facility last night. Impressive, I must say, but my brother and his little hero posse had been looking for you relentlessly after that. They are practically obsessed with catching the women that managed to break into their high security building.”

Loki takes a sharp turn into a parking garage, narrowly missing the wall. You squeal as your precious car runs over the curb.

“I forgot how much I hate mortal transportation devices. But Stark had to build this tower in the middle of New York to feed his ever-growing ego and now I’m the one that has to rely on a car to get me there,” he grumbles while pulling into a parking space. He takes a deep breath once the car is parked. “Now, I’m going to remove that gag out of your mouth, and if you scream, I will peel your skin off of your body in the slowest, most painful way imaginable. Understood?”

You nod frantically and he rips the tape off, extracting a whimper from your now stinging mouth. You open your mouth for him to take the wad of cloth out that was under the duct tape. As he extracts it, you snap your mouth shut in an attempt to bite him, but he’s quick to evade and grabs your jaw harshly.

“What did I say before?” he seethes. 

“You said not to scream. I didn’t scream. Now let go of my face.”

Loki roughly throughs your face to the side, letting go, and looks around the surroundings of the car, probably checking for any unwanted onlookers.

“Out of the car. Now,” he orders and you hastily oblige using your bound hands to open the door.

As you shut the door, you catch a glimpse of your own reflection and grimace. You look like a hooker. Aside from the skimpy outfit, your hair was pinned up and intertwined with gold strands. Your makeup is done as well. Sultry eye shadow and dark red lipstick.

“I didn’t know the God of Mischief was a makeup guru,” you jab.

He ignores you and harshly pushes you forward. “Walk.”

“Where’s my partner?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Loki replies. “She has other uses than the one I currently need you for.”

“And what use am I needed for?”

“I already told you. By the gods, you mortals are stupid. You are to be a bargaining chip, (Y/N).”

Your blood runs cold. “How do you know my name?” you ask.

“I know everything about you. Including your peculiar abilities.”

You stop dead in your tracks.

“Now, don’t worry,” he adds. “As amusing to me as it would be, I have no interest in enlightening the Avengers to your secret identity. As far as they will know, I am simply giving them the criminal that broke into their compound.”

“And what’s in it for you?” you ask as he guidesyou into an elevator.

After pushing a button, he goes to fix his dark green tie. “Clever girl now aren’t you?”

“Answer the question.”

“How about-no?” he muses and a soft ding resonates through the elevator.

The doors opened and, for a moment, you forget the predicament your in. Inside was the most beautiful penthouse you had ever seen. The opposite wall was made entirely out of glass allowing a view of the New York City night skyline. Everything little piece of furniture each looks as expensive as your car, but your focus becomes drawn to the minibar. The Avengers were all sitting there, laughing, and most were obviously drunk.

“Here James, try some of this,” Thor booms.

Bucky makes a face. “Why would I drink something from another planet meant for Gods?”

“Jeez Buck it’s the only thing that can get you and I drunk,” Steve slurs and claps Bucky on the shoulder. “It’s your birthday. Live it up a little.”

Bucky hesitates before grabbing the flask Thor offers him and throwing his head back, downing the flask in one go.

Loki seems to have enough of the party scene as he clears his throat to interrupt them.

“Gentlemen-”

Before Loki uttered another word all the Avengers clambered from their seats to grab their weapons, but their intoxicated state just makes it a comical sight. Captain America falls over in an attempt to reach for his shield below the table. Tony Stark’s iron man mask smacks him over the head as he fails to turn in time to catch it on his face. Sam Wilson chokes on his drink and falls backwards off his barstool in shock.

“I come bearing no ill tidings.” Loki spread his arms.

“Then why bother coming at all?” Thor growls, shifting his hammer to his right hand.

“I’ve come to make an offer.”

With that, Loki snatches your wrist and throws you towards him and the other men. You stumbled in you stilettos and let out a yelp as you land on the floor looking up at the 5 present Avengers: Thor, the Winter Soldier, Captain America, Iron Man, and the Falcon. They all look down on you with perplexed looks etched onto their faces.

“You guys have been so caught up and stressed about finding your security breaches that I was generous enough to do some finding myself,” Loki explains.

“And how do we know you didn’t just pluck some prostitute off the street?” Caps eyes rake up and down your body.

Loki scoffs. “Always the skeptic captain. Does this answer your question?” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a flash-drive.

Tony snatches it from his hands. “Jarvis, what’s on this drive?” he asks, holding the drive up to a scanner in the glasses he’s wearing.

“It appears to be the files you have been collecting the 2 vigilantes you have been tracking and-.”

“Okay thanks J!” Tony interrupts quickly before Jarvis could spill any more information. He proceeds to storm up to your cowering and kneeling form that hadn’t dared move and harshly grabs your jaw.

Jesus, what was with these men and your poor, bruised jaw?

“Why would you possibly need this information?” he asks calmly, but his eyes are feral. He studies you and his brows furrow. Did he manage to piece it all together that you were the alleged vigilante they had been hunting? He lets go of your jaw and throws you back on the floor. “What business do you have looking for them?”

Looking for them? You let out a sigh of relief.

“None of your business,” you spit.

“Anyways,” Loki continues, and the drive suddenly disintegrated in Tony’s hand while reappearing in Loki’s. “I will happily hand over this seemingly important information along with the girl for you to do with her as you please, but…” He pauses. “Only if you stop tracking my current whereabouts.”

“And why would we do that, Loki? You’re dangerous,” Steve notes.

“I was dangerous,” Loki interjects. “I have been a good boy haven’t I? I would like to lead a normal life without you imbeciles tailing my every move. If I slip, Thor here will know within the second if I’m involved with anyone wrong doings, won’t you brother dear?”

Thor grunts at that statement.

“Besides, Stark’s satellite can track any magical energy if I use it. Which I won’t.”

“Fine. Now hand over the drive,” Tony snaps and holds his hand out.

After Loki drops the small gadget into Tony’s hand, he hauls you up and spins you around to face him.

His voice is quiet and low. “Be glad I didn’t tell them about my plans for you friend. It would be a shame if they found out about her abilities...and yours.”

He spins you back around to face the 5 men whose eyes were now raking up and down your body. “Easy on the eyes isn’t she?” Loki mentions, hands falling on your waist making you squirm. “You know, I almost considered keeping her for myself. Her exotic beauty is that of a pleasure maiden on Asgard.” Your struggles are invigorated at his implications. “Enjoy your whore.” And with that, he gives you one final shove before vanishing.

It’s silent for half a minute before one of the men speak up.

“Alright who wants to take her for a spin?” Tony asks, clapping his hands together. “I vote the birthday boy gets first dibs. Huh, Buckaroo?”

You blanch at the idea. Were they really going to go through with what Loki wanted? What happened to the valiant heroes you saw on your screen?

“Wait Tony, you can’t be seriously considering Loki’s suggestion?” Sam Wilson sounds surprised.

Tony shrugs. “Why not, Birdie? It’s either this or high security prison and I don’t think she wants to rot in a cell.”

“She is standing right here and would rather rot in hell than do what Loki had in mind,” you hiss.

“Well it’s a good thing we weren’t asking for her opinion,” Tony says.

“Tony’s right, Sam,” Steve adds slowly. “We bust our asses out there. We deserve something nice.”

“Day after day we save this pathetic world, and no thanks are given. Just everyone saying what we did wrong. We should’ve left the world to fend for itself after they tried shoving those ridiculous accords down our throats,” Thor murmurs

Sam raises both of his hands up in defense. “Fine. Do what you want with her. I’m gonna head out.” And with that he leaves. Your heart sinks, watching the only glimmer of hope, your knight in shining armor, walk out the door. Your self-pity party is cut short by an arm snaking around your waist.

Bucky Barnes, trained assassin, mass murderer, and now current Avenger, puts his face in the crook of your neck and inhales deeply, sending shivers down your spine while you stand frozen like a deer in headlights. “What do you say, doll? Wanna finish what we started the other night?” His hand on your waist slowly drifts down to your ass.

You stomp your heel down on his foot eliciting a groan of pain. “Last time I checked, you were in the dirt, and I was driving away that night after a successful robbery. There’s nothing to finish.”

He moves quickly as he rips your hair out of what’s securing it up, using the opportunity to tangle his hand into the roots and drag you away to a separate room. He wrenches open and throws you in, leaving you to stumble and trip. A searing pain on your forehead signaled that you hit your head.

“How about we use that snarky mouth of yours for something better hmm?” His voice is ice cold with malice as he grips your hair and yanks you up.

You cry out in pain, tears pooling in your eyes.

“Not so tough now, are you?” he sneers down at you. Hearing the sound of a belt unbuckling and pants unzipping, you shut your eyes.

A tear escapes, cascading down your face, but his thumb gently wipes it away.

“Open your eyes, doll,” he coos.

You shake your head and screw them shut even tighter.

“I said...OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!” he roars and your eyes fly open only to see his member sticking out of his slacks right in front of your face. He’s almost fully hard as precum dribbles out of the tip. “Good girl,” he praises. “Now, since you can’t seem to keep your snarky mouth shut, let’s put it to better use. How bout that?”

You don’t move, and he sighed as you look down to the floor. You hear some shuffling, a small click, and suddenly something cold and sharp is pressing under your chin, tilting your gaze to his steel blue eyes.

“Let’s try this again.” He pushes the knife harder, digging it a little deeper, but not enough to draw blood. A knife. This dirty bastard has a knife. “Suck. My. Cock.”

Pushing all your pride aside, you direct your gaze to the task in front of you. Bucky lets out an approving hum and the knife is removed from your throat. You swallow before opening your mouth and dragging your tongue from his base to the tip before wrapping your lips around him and sucking lightly.

Bucky was no slacker down there, you had to give him that. You ease your mouth down his shaft and his head tilts back.

“Oh fuck that’s it,” he moans. “Take my dick down your throat.” He grunts. His metal hand fists your hair to push your head down, sliding a few more inches into your throat. “Oh-that’s a good whore,” he breathes.

A gag is torn from you and you slap your hands against his thighs to imply you couldn’t take much more. Bucky’s only response is another grunt as he jams the rest of his length down your throat leaving your only intake of oxygen to come from your nose which was now mashed right above the base of his thick cock. As quickly as he pushed you down before, he pulls you back off by your hair, letting you go to wretch, gasping for air and freedom. A strand of saliva still connects from his tip to my lips.

“I’m not done with you yet.” He snags your hair again. “Open wide, slut.”

You do just that and he begins to fuck your throat at his own pace, sliding his entire length down every time. Tears brim at your eyes, not just from the lack of oxygen, but the humiliation of the moment as well. The time passes much too slowly for your liking, minutes dragging on for eternity, before he begins to reach his climax.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum.” His cock twitches in your mouth.He holds your head with both hands as he releases straight into your mouth, warm thick strands of his release coating the back of your throat. He pulls out  with a pop and smirks down at you. “Good little sluts swallow” he orders.

You glare up at him, making a show of not doing anything.

“Well?” he demands and raises a dark brow.

You spit his own climax onto his expensive shoes.

“Why you-!” He raises his hand, getting ready to send a smack to your face.

“Barnes!” A female voice comes from the doorway as the door flies open. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

There stood none other than the Black Widow.

[minshookie]

All Play, No Work.

Pairing | CEO!Yoongi x reader

Genre | yandere,angst

Summary | “your secret relationship with Yoongi is all smooth sailing,until Mrs Kim gets in the way.”

!warnings! | mature language, workplace bullying, gossip, and infidelity. Also some pretty steamy scenes, for readers 18+.

| this is not in anyway shape or form a true depiction or representation of BTS, this is a work of fiction and is not to be taken seriously. For entertainment purposes only.|(this is my work, please don’t repost or steal)

Requested [open for request] words: 2k.

A/N | “I’m so happy you enjoyed “meetings at midnight.” I never really expected over 100 notes that’s crazy! I may have gotten a little carried away with this one but I hope you don’t mind & enjoy it as well. I’ll probably be making a part 2, please take any mistakes as love ❤️”

The disturbing rattle of the air conditioner served as white noise while you toyed with the drooping noodles swimming in the savory sauce placed before you. A few of your coworkers droned on about their plans, their kids and undeserving husbands leaving you alone in the corner of the depressing break room to think about what to expect when getting back to your cubicle. Which was a little less depressing than the powder white painted room you resided in now.

“Y/L/N, Min is asking for you.” The conversations stopped and all three of us looked up into the door frame. Jimin,Yoongi's assistant stood with his hands buried in his stiffly pressed pants pockets. “I-I’m on lunch.” You slowly went back to your lukewarm meal, taking a few noodles into your mouth. Chewing, You waited for the heavy pitter patter of his polished leather loafers to exit, but You never get what you wish for.

“Y/N, please don’t make me have to run back up there just to run back down here and tell you the same thing….c’mon.” He came closing your tupperware, sighing as you pushed it into your lunch bag, embarrassment growing on your features as he stood over you. The stare of nosey coworkers followed as you stepped out of the bland break room. The clacking of Jimin’s shoes found your nerves rather quickly, closely he walked behind you like a school principal making sure you went where instructed.

Taking you past your cubicle to leave your lunch you could almost taste the jealousy being thrown at you like missiles. Disapproving and confused whispers and glares followed you out the area. Reaching the stairs, out of sight of your colleagues you out ran Jimin, the looks, noises and scoffs getting the best of you. You practically threw yourself through yoongi's door, your heart pounding in your ears.

“Hey! hey! Bunny, got here quickly didn’t you?” He walked over locking his loyal assistant out. Falling back on the couch struggling for your breath, closing your eyes, you heard him walk around you. “I told you I’d see you after work, we’d have all night together.” Sighing, he pulls you up by your arms. With a grunt he sat down and replaced your head on his lap. “I know what you said, but did you really think I was going to wait...why should i?” Opening your eyes you met his soft gaze. “Tell me you love me.” He whispers, almost ashamed in himself. Needy, needy,needy,always needy. “This can’t be why you called me in.”

“Why should I?” You laughed, obviously he didn’t share your sense of humor as he tugged harshly on a strand of your hair. “Well if I didn’t love you I’d quit Yoongi.” Rolling over you cuddled into his soft tummy inhaling his masculin scent, this here under him locked in his dim office was your safe place. “No you wouldn’t, I pay you too much.” He murmured petting your back with his large hands. “As if!” You giggled into his tummy, pulling back to look up at your lover. His signature smile displayed on his features, moving his hands from your back he places his limber fingers at the back of your knee. Locking eyes he slid skillfully under your skirt to massage your ass over your panties. “Who were you hiding from today hm?” Groaning you rolled your eyes, you hate how he knows you so well.

“Kim?” “Mrs Kim is the least of my worries now.” You grimaced playing with his buttons. “Mm good, can't be the new girl, maybe her boyfriend?” Your eyes shot open, “boyfriend?! Who?” He planted this topic in the conversation, knowing your interest in the drama of your workplace. “Yeah, she’s running around with the coffee boy.” Laughing, he cut himself off “Jungkook.” He laughed almost uncontrollably. “That’s so cute since when?!” He hums calming down, “uh since about last month, I’ve been watching them get all close and flirty jeon puts extra cream in her coffee, she blushes blah blah. And you know Jimin is the nosiest person in the population of this place.”

You chuckled Nodding in agreeance “learned that way before you did, he was my cubicle neighbor before he was your assistant.” Sitting up you go to his drink cart to grab a bottle of water. “Yeah they’re cute as long as they stay on task, Answer the question though, who’s bothering my baby hm? I hate seeing you that way.” He comes from behind gliding his hands around your front pulling you into his embrace “you have a whole cafeteria in the next wing, I made sure they served your favorite today, and yet you chose the shitty break closet.” His rambling turns into background noise as you look through the one way window. Watching as your coworkers attended their duties, Jungkook balanced coffees in his arms with skill the new girl watched in admiration...I wonder what he’s actually here for.

Yoongi’s breath fans your neck causing you to shiver against him. “I’m sorry what’d you say?” “You’re ok.” He turns you around swiftly kissing you passionately against the glass obviously you’ve missed something. Though unseen the act feels extremely dirty. Dropping your water you cling to his shoulders, legs around his Slender waist. “You're not paying me to make out with you I hope.” He pecks your nose, gnawing his bottom lip. “Huh looks like I am.” “Ah, as tempting as that sounds Yoongs-” “don’t ever call me that.” He nips at your neck in retaliation. “I have a stack of papers on my desk that Mr Jimin has been beating me over the head about.” Groaning he loosens his grip around you. Letting you gather yourself before going to his door.

“I’ll see you tonight yeah?” Pouting,he came kissing your lips once more. “I’ll be waiting.” He opened the door and watched you strut down the stairs.

Getting back to your respectful area, you notice something was off...where’d your lunch go? You could’ve sworn you threw it on your desk. Pulling out the rolling chair to take a seat, “I’ll find it later.” You whispered to yourself,taking a seat, directly in the cold remains of your lunch. “What the fuck!” A wave of laughter was given with your ill response. Noodles dangled from your backside as you turned to look at the mess on your office chair.

“Okay! What are we a bunch of middle school virgins?” Jimin shouted, his face turning a dark shade of peach. “I’m sorry y/n.” Rolling your eyes you tried to keep back tears of utter embarrassment turning away from you colleagues. “Uhm...it’s pretty bad, do you have anything to change into?” He takes off his styled coat and hands it to you. You can’t process over the harsh giggles and whispers, “yeah like I have a closet in my car, Jimin I don’t have shit to put on!” You hiss making him pull an offended expression.

“I could give you something.” Your head snapped in the direction of the quiet new girl in the far corner. “I have a few dresses in car I-I I’m in the process of…” she scans the room unsure of her words “moving.” You offer a smile to cover how distraught you are, unable to respond correctly. “Thank you luci, we appreciate it.” Nodding she smiles softly grabbing her bag going to retrieve the clothes. “Go to the restroom, please.”

Tying the coat around your waist you rushed with your head down to the bathroom, shutting the door behind yourself roughly. Taking off the grey coat Turing to examine your soup covered ass. You brushed the cold noodles letting them splat onto the tiled floor. Pulling coat off the conjoined sinks you found the spacious stall at the end of the row, stripping off your soiled skirt. Nothing better to do, but to sit on the cold stool and wait.

The creaking door of the bathroom cut your silent thoughts short, isn’t Luci a quick one? You chuckled to yourself getting up, about to tell her of your whereabouts…“maybe if the bitch didn’t have her head so far up Min’s ass she woulda saw it coming.” The unknown voice stopped you in your tracks. Her friend snickers. “Shh she could be in here.” “As if I give a fuck, she needs to know!” Peeking through the side of the stall you could see them in the mirror touching up their makeup. “Min’s probably got his head up hers too!” The quieter of the two spoke up.

“Ha that would explain my recent hours, I heard they fuck in the office, I wonder if the sluts any good.” She cleaned the edges of her lipstick, “I’ve fucked him, I know he’s good, really into all the rough shit, he’s crazy.” She tossed her makeup into her bag fixing her hair, “why’d you guys stop?” You felt your chest ache, yoongi never told you about him and Mrs Kim, what kind of fucked story is this? “Little miss pasta booty got the job, and Joon finally proposed...guess he didn’t want me any-” “y/n are you in here?!” Luci’s softened voice searched for you.

“I’m in here.” Responding slightly above a whisper, the soft steps of her pumps were trampled by the clicking steps of the two mud slingers who quickly bursted from the restroom. “I didn’t know what you would like, I have this blue one, it’s a cute summer dress.” She hung it on the door of the stall for me to see. “Or this white one, it’s a bit tighter but I think it’ll look great on you.” Randomly choosing you stripped of your top pulling the dress over yourself. “Thanks Luci, I owe you one.” Collecting your clothes and Jimin’s coat, you left the stall. “No no, I’m sorry Kim did that to you...I should’ve stopped her.” She coyly hangs her head, “not your fault...thanks Luci.” She smiles politely, leaving me alone in the bathroom.

Eunji That jealous bitch, yoongi has much explaining to do. You smooth out your dress bracing yourself for the environment behind the door. only to be pushed back. A deep blush pink shade covering his face, yoongi brings you back in, “you can’t be in here, this is the ladies.” He scans your body before looking at the dirty laundry in your arms. “This is my building. I can be anywhere in any room I want.” Scoffing you attempt to leave, grabbing your forearm he pulls you back. “What’s going on with you I’m here to check and see if you’re alright and here you are acting like an ass y/n” his face held a concerned stare.

“Yoongi the last thing we should be doing is huddling in the bathroom, we’ve drawn enough attention to ‘us’ already.” Unable to look him in the eyes you examine his posture, he propped your chin on his pointer finger bringing your face up. “And since when did you care?” “Ever since your ex painted my ass with my lunch.” He giggled darkly, “what?” Again you attempted escape, only to be overpowered and lifted with ease. “Okay sit the fuck down.” Placing you down in the sink like a child he took your skirt looking at the back. “And this just had to be the one I bought?.” He shook his head like a disappointed father. “What are you acting so mad towards me for, who’s supposedly my ex huh?” He took the skirt under the faucet scrubbing it harshly together with soap.

Why can’t he ever just leave you alone, drawing attention to your relationship was the last thing you needed today. It’s not like nobody knew, it was hard not to. But you hated the unwanted attention the favoritism brought you. “Who lied to you?” “You did.” He stopped the water, “y/n now you know I’d never.” He folded the cleaned wet skirt along with your shirt. “Yoongi, I heard Kim Eunji talking about it. She told her little follower about it while I hid in the stall.” You answered blandly, ready to be freed from the bathroom. His face shifted shades, “what? I’ve never fucked that bitch, all she does is lie and get into shit she has no concern for.” He gripped the sink roughly.

Like a switch, when the right buttons were pushed Yoongi’s temper was quick to strike….though never thrown at you. It can have harsh outcomes and you've seen it first hand. “She runs her mouth about you too much, I’ll have to help her out.” Aggressively released the marble counter, “Yoongi w-what, calm down.” He walked to the door, unsure of what to do. Naive of his wrath you followed behind. “She wants to get fucked? I’ll give her something that’ll fuck her up, something that’ll make her piss off for good this time.”

Not my image

[enthusiasticharry]

The Secrets You Keep

summary: you're a stripper, and you meet Harry off shift. what happens when he finds out?

request: hiiii would you be able to do something like stripper y/n? not where they meet at the club or anything but something natural like at a cafe or something but she keeps it from him bc she thinks he’ll leave her? then he has a guys night at the strip club and sees her perform? but he loves it and she’s a bit embarrassed? idk but that kinda vibe if ur up for it! X

word count: 8.3k words of fluff, smut and angst if you squint (and i really mean squint) also not proofread, sorry! 

masterlist    |    asks

It never occurred to you that once you left full time education you’d end up becoming a stripper. It wasn’t the occupation you had envisioned for yourself, but it was the one that paid the best money and even though it shouldn’t be — money was the thing that you needed the most. You lived in a small, one bedroom flat that you shared with your Grandma who had no income and little pension meaning that you was the only source of income for the two of you. Obviously it was hard upon you, but your Grandma had done so much for you when you were younger that you wanted to help her as much as you possibly could. Granted, finding a job as an eighteen year old that was enough to help pay the bills and for the treatment your Grandmother needed wasn’t the easiest, and that was how you stumbled across the club and the jobs there. Your Grandma didn’t know how you received your income, and you planned to keep it that way for as long as you physically could. 

“Have you got any private dances today?” Jocelyn, also known as Sapphire amongst the people in the club, asked as she started fixing her makeup in the mirror next to yours. 

“I don’t know.” You sighed, spraying a small amount of hairspray upon your curls, “I haven’t spoken to Elliot yet.” 

“Apparently some big shot businessmen are coming in tomorrow.” Ruby adds from the other side of you, applying a lipstick that matched her name to her lips. 

“Ugh.” Sapphire groaned, “That means old men with small dicks wanking to us instead of being with their probably very lovely, loving wives at home.” 

“They lust after the taboo.” You add, applying a small amount of lipgloss to your lips, “They want what they can’t have, and brag when they get it.” 

“They have money though.” Ruby shrugged, “Haven’t had many tips this week. I’d probably do anything for a couple hundred quid tomorrow.” 

“Not anything Ruby.” You turn to look at her, shaking your head at the younger girl, “Stand your ground. Don’t let them take advantage of you.” 

“I won’t.” She smiled, “I learnt from the best.” 

“And don’t you forget it.” 

As a fresh eighteen year old, just as Ruby was now, you could’ve only hoped for someone to help you and guide you through the trails and tribulations you endured at the club. That’s why you sort of took the younger girl under your wing and helped her as much as possible. 

It wasn’t a lot. Granted, with what they did the majority of it was on their own upon the stage or in a private dance but you wanted to make sure she had small tips to help her handle herself in any situation that could occur and that she someone to talk to if she ever needed it. 

“Are you working tomorrow, Emerald?” Emerald was your stage name. 

“No.” You sigh happily, “It’s my day off.” 

“Enjoy yourself, you deserve it.” Ruby smiled. 

You certainly did. 

The next morning, after helping your Grandma get ready and to the hospital, you make your way towards the small café you usually went to during your Grandmother’s chemo sessions. They usually lasted around three hours, and whilst you offered to stay with her, she usually forced you to leave and spend some time on your own, claiming she didn’t want you to see her at her worst.

The spring days had just started to warm up, so you dressed yourself in a summer dress you had picked up for cheap at a charity shop. You carried your tote bag with your book in over your shoulder as you pushed past the people on the street.

It wasn’t usually this busy, and looking around you saw no free tables but a few free chairs dotted around. Your favourite table, tucked away in the far right corner by the window had been taken by a man sat reading, just as you would’ve been. You toy back and forth with the idea of going to sit over there as you walk over to the counter. 

You order your usual, a peach iced tea, and wait for the kind barista to make it. Your free days, usually, landed sporadically. They normally occurred when your grandmother either had chemo or a hospital appointment and that’s only because she can sometimes be really ill after them and needed you to look after her. Even though Elliot was not a good person by any means, he understood your situation and did help as little as he could. 

“Excuse me.” The man looked up from this book at you, “Is this seat taken?” 

“Uh. . .” 

“It’s fine if it’s not!” Your quick to add, “There’s just no other seats.” 

“No.” Your smile falters, “No! I mean that the seats not taken. It’s yours.” 

“Thank you.” You drop your tote bag down on the floor, holding your hand out to the man, “I’m YN.” 

“Harry.” He shakes your outstretched hand. 

There was something oddly familiar about him, but you couldn’t quite place your finger on why. He dressed quite casually, a punny t-shirt that said something about health on it and you didn’t want to seem too weird and bend down to look at what he had on his bottom half but you suspected it was something just as interesting. 

You take your book out of your bag and place it on the table in front of you, flicking through the pages until you found the page you had left off at. 

As a child you loved to read. Your grandmother always read you a bedtime story before bed and it lead to English being your best subject at school. Whether it be the creative writing aspect, or the analytic — you were just good at it. It was your highest grade at GCSE, an A, and your highest grade at A Level, a B.

You didn’t exchange any more words with Harry the entire time you were there. Periodically you looked up at him, and somewhere deep down you hoped that he did the same for you but you couldn’t be too sure. The book that he was reading seemed interesting enough, something about watermelon, you had noticed. You had a slight suspicion that it wasn’t about watermelon but you could never be too sure you supposed. 

A whine almost escaped your lips when you realised that you had to go pick up your Grandmother and your book had just gotten interesting. That was the problem when you read, you could sit and do it for hours and not even look up. It was something so interesting to you that you could immerse yourself in a world different to the one you lived in and slip out of reality for however long and return back to normal as though nothing had happened. 

“Thank you for letting me sit here.” You smile as you pack your bag up, “Goodbye.” 

“Bye.” 

You left feeling sort of fuzzy inside. You hadn’t spoken to the man at all really, but he was kind and certainly handsome with his tousled brown hair and gentle smile. That was probably going to be the last time that you saw him, and you probably should’ve asked for his number at least but you didn’t and that was why you walked away with him laying heavy upon your mind.

The next day, you wanted nothing more than to leave in the middle of your shift and curl up on the sofa. Instead, you were stood in a private room in the back of the club swirling your hips for a man sat upon a chair in the middle. 

“You’re fucking fit.” He moans, and you almost throw up in your mouth. 

“Thank you.” 

You move yourself so you’re hovered over his lap, twisting your hips to beat of the sultry song spilling out of the speakers. If you didn’t need the money, or have a bills to pay you certainly wouldn’t be doing this. 

“Fucking sort.” That’s when his hand drops down upon your behind, squeezing the flesh harshly. 

You stand up, flipping around so that you’re looking at him, “Hands off.” 

“Babe.” He throws his head back, “C’mon I’ve paid bags for this dance.” 

“And you pay for a dance, and the rules state no touching.” 

He holds his hands up in surrender, “I’m sorry. Won’t happen again, babe.” 

“Better not.” 

It does, and that’s when you get up and leave. He still has to pay, which is a plus but it just isn’t the best feeling. The job you do isn’t one that people necessarily respect you for, but there are rules in place to help with that. You and the other dancers within the club were human beings and deserved the rights that any other person has. 

“You okay?” Ruby presses her hand to your shoulder as you powder your under-eyes, “I heard he was touching.” 

“Yeah.” You smile at her through the mirror, “Started behind and they he just full on groped me.” 

“Men are pigs.” 

“I second that statement.” You laugh, “But you know what they’ll say.” 

“That we teased and antagonised them to do it.”

Throwing her a deadpan look, you nod. It was something that you had dealt with for the past six years of your life and even though you did hate it and wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow you up every time it happened — you had gotten used to it. 

“Did you have a nice day off yesterday?” 

“I did thank you.” You smile, “Read a bit. Spent some time with my Grandma.” 

“Sounds lovely.” Her face then twists into one that you can’t quite pinpoint, “You didn’t miss much here.” 

“The businessmen not up too much?” 

“No they paid well.” She nodded, “We just had to watch them wank their micropenises at us.” 

You curl your nose up at the thought, “That sounds pleasant.” 

“Totally.” She snorts. 

“Emerald. Ruby.” Elliot sticks his head into the room, “Get your asses back out there.” 

Ruby rolls her eyes and you laugh. Your job certainly wasn’t your favourite but some of the people around you made it more pleasant.

Two weeks later you find yourself sat in the corner of the café down the road from the hospital, your book open in front of you and a peppermint tea sat upon the table in a pot. Your Grandmother’s second round of chemo was slowly coming to the end of its stint and even though you wanted nothing more than for her to be back to the epitome of health, you would miss spending time at this small café. 

“Hi.” You lift your head up to see Harry stood there, slightly breathless, “Is this seat taken?” 

“It’s yours.” You smile, watching him drop his book on the table.

This time you could see his entire outfit. A white t-shirt with some writing on that you missed, a floral shirt over the top paired with red corduroy flares. You were right the last time that you met him —he did have an amazing sense of style. You, however, bought whatever was the cheapest or on sale that seemed acceptable to wear in public. 

“How have you been?” 

“I’ve been okay.” You smile, “You?” 

“Good, thanks.” He scratches the base of his neck, “I haven’t seen you in a while.” 

“Oh.” You have to stop yourself from smiling too much, “I only come when my Grandma has an appointment and they’re usually two weeks apart.” 

“Ah.” He nods before his face curls, “I’m sorry if that seemed creepy.” 

“It didn’t.” You can’t help the butterflies that erupt within your stomach, “I just thought I wouldn’t see you again.” 

“Couldn’t let that happen.” Heat rises up your neck as he beams.

“No complaints about that from me.” 

“That’s good.” He rests his hand upon his chest, letting out a deep breath, “Thought I was punching a little over my weight.” 

“You’re not.” You cheeks hurt from smiling, “It’s cute.” 

He looks down at his book. He seemed so shy, as though he had a confidence to talk to people but once they complimented him or something to do with him it completely changed. It was intriguing. He was already nicer to you than most people you’ve met of the opposite sex in your life and you’re let to learn anything about him apart from the fact that he reads Bukowski and likes black coffee — it certainly wasn’t much to go on. 

“How long do we have until you have to go back to your Grandma?” 

“Not long.” You sigh sadly, “I’m sorry.” 

“No, I understand, it’s okay.” He flashes you a small smile, “Can I walk you back to the hospital?” 

You ponder his offer for a second, “Yeah. I’d like that.”

You walk back to the hospital brushing arms with one of the nicest people you’d ever met, and you couldn’t be happier. 

“Has your Grandma been having treatment for long?” 

“It’s her second round.” You explained, “They originally removed the tumour and it went away but it came back. They caught it quickly and she’s back in bay 11 for three hours every two weeks.” 

“I’m sorry.” He sighs, “That must’ve been tough.” 

You shrug, “She’s a fighter, I know she is.” 

“I don’t doubt she is.” He smiles, “She’s got an amazing granddaughter to stay alive for.” 

The walk to the hospital isn’t long enough in your opinion. You speak about a few things, and you learn he does music and that’s when you put two and two together and realise that he’s actually Harry Styles from One Direction. Harry wished he could’ve recorded your reaction when you realised. 

Harry had never met someone like you, and he had met a lot of people in his life. You were sweet, and kind and so gentle but also confident and held yourself in such a strong way that he couldn’t help but want to know you, the real you. 

“This is it.” You stop in front of the entrance closest to the chemo ward, “Thank you for walking me.” 

“It’s no problem.” He smiles, “I hope this doesn’t sound too weird, but can I get your number?” 

“Uh. . . yeah.” 

“Great.” He beams, “At least now I won’t have to hope you show up at the café.” 

You swear you felt your heart burst. 

During your shift a couple of weeks later, you don’t notice your phone light up a message. You actually don’t notice at all until you arrived home that night. You had already checked on your Grandma, who was sound asleep in bed, and that’s when you allowed yourself to drop down upon the sofa with a sigh. 

Seeing an unknown number pop up on your screen at first had confused you, but once you had looked further into it, your palms started sweating. 

Hi YN. It’s Harry. I know it’s been a while but I’ve been trying to figure out what to say. I hope you and your Grandma are well. 

Your heart starts to beat faster. The message you had awaited for weeks was here and you had no idea how to act, never mind what too reply back with. The only thing that spiralled around within your mind was that he had been thinking about you. 

In your head, you imagined him pacing around in his large house trying to figure out what to send you, just like they do in the movies. You at least hoped that was what he had been doing over the past couple of weeks. 

Hi Harry! It’s lovely to hear from you, sorry it’s late. I’m okay, Grandma’s getting there. How are you? 

You throw your phone down on the sofa next to you, trying not to giggle like you did as a schoolgirl whenever you were messaging boys. You nearly cried whenever you phone ran out of credit and you’d end up having to run to the store to get a top up in the morning with your spending money and explaining to them what had happened. You were thankful that your upgrade didn’t need that. 

I’m okay. Glad to hear about your Grandma. I know this is probably really weird and totally out of the blue, but are you free this weekend? I’m leaving next week for a little while and I really want to see you before I do. 

In your head, you ignore the end of the message about him leaving and focus on the fact that he wants to see you. Harry Styles wants to see you. You hoped it was a date, everything pointed it to be a date but you didn’t want get too ahead of yourself. 

You haven’t had a boyfriend since your first year of Sixth Form, and the first date you were going on since then was going to be with Harry Styles of all people. 

If you pull some strings, work an extra long shift on Saturday and please some of Elliot’s special clients — you may be able to get Friday night off. It was a maybe, but over the next two days you could make it a yes. You hoped that you could make it a yes. 

You’ve never, in your six years of working at the club, missed any of your shifts for anything other than your Grandma suddenly falling ill, and those were on rare occasions. You certainly deserved this day off.

I’ll have to check with my boss but I think I could do Friday night? If that’s not a problem for you. 

You have to bite your lip to stop yourself from internally freaking out. 

Sounds perfect. How about I pick you up at 8? 

You wince. It wasn’t as though your were embarrassed of where you lived because you weren’t. You’ve worked hard to be able to pay for the flat and everything in it but there was something about showing it to someone who you’ve only just met and had no intention of explaining your situation to wasn’t on the top of your priority list. 

Is there any chance I could meet you somewhere? 

Of course. Where do you fancy eating? Italian? Thai? 

Italian sounds good. 

Great. I’ll send you details over. 

Thank you :) 

See you then, YN. Sweet dreams. 

Night, Harry. 

You slept well that night. 

“I just don’t think I can spare you Friday.” Elliot sighs, “I’m sorry YN.” 

You have to stop yourself from wanting to cry. You don’t use up all your holiday days, and you work way more than you should or that you’re paid for but you don’t complain and you just get on with it. The one time you ask for a shift off, his stubborn ass says that he cant do it. 

“Please, Elliot.” You sign, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear, “I just need this day off.” 

“And I need my best girl on the floor. Need the best of the best.” 

“There are plenty of other better girls than me working here.” 

He shakes his head, “You’re the favourite, YN. Need you to be there.” 

“Elliot.” You sigh, leaning forward in the uncomfortable seat you were sat in, “I’ve worked for you for six years and I’ve never asked for a day off like this before.” 

“Yeah but—”

“—and! I’ve never asked for a day off apart from going to the hospital and you know that.” 

“I couldn’t exactly say no to you—”

“I’ve worked every shift you’ve ever asked me to, covered for people when you need it.” 

“Stop it!” He holds his hand up to silence you, “Just shut up for a second.” 

You clamp your lips shut. If you didn’t need to stay on his good side to get Friday off you probably would’ve said something about how rude he was being. He’d always been rude, but he paid you and the rest of the girls so you all chose to ignore it. 

He ponders, and you know the cogs are turning within his brain as he scrolls through his laptop, typing a few things. He takes his glasses off his face and drops them dramatically down on the table in front of him. 

“Ruby will cover your shift.” 

You let out a sigh of relief, “Thank you!” 

“Don’t be thanking me too quickly.” He points his finger, “I need a favour from you.” 

“Anything. Well not anything.” 

“In a few weeks times there’s a big birthday party coming in.” He explains, “I need you to be the star of the show, do private dances and all the good things like that.” 

“Just that?” You ask, knowing that it could be a trap knowing Elliot’s track record. 

He nods, “Just that.” 

You look at him sceptically, “What’s the catch?” 

“No catch.” He holds his hands up, “A few big names are coming, that’s all. A list celebs that have asked to use the back exit.”

“That’s it?” 

“That’s it.” 

“Let me know the date and I’ll do it.” 

You stand up, happy that you’ve managed to get your shift tomorrow off and that you can go on the date you have been excited for since you met Harry and was introduced to the world with him in it. 

“Have fun at your thing Friday.” 

“Thank you. . .?” 

You don’t think you like Elliot being nice to you. 

Friday night rolled around quickly and you were thankful for that. After helping your Grandma with her own dinner and into bed, you start getting ready. You curl your hair, brushing it out until its in what looks like effortless waves but are actually quite hard waves to achieve. You do natural makeup, something completely different to makeup you usually wear in one of your shifts. You try to keep all of your features soft, different to how you usually look on a day to day basis. You dress in a long white polka-dotted maxi skirt, paired with a thin long-sleeved jumper that would keep you warm due to the ever changing British weather. 

You had done a little bit of research on the restaurant Harry had sent you the address for and learnt that it wasn’t the most expensive restaurant ever, but one that was way out of your price range. It meant that you had to dip into the fund that you keep for occasions where you need a little extra money or you will use in the future when you eventually move out and busy your own place. 

The tube was crammed, seeing as though it was a Friday night and the majority of people were either coming home from work and stating to go out for end of the week drinks. You knew that the club would start to become heaving as the night grew and a part of you was thankful that you didn’t have to work today, and you were given a small break from the hell that is working at a strip club. 

The restaurant, when you arrived, definitely looked fancier than it had online. The bar stood against the corner wall, the right hand side of the restaurant had booths covering the walls whilst stand alone tables scattered around the rest of the room.

You were surprised when you saw Harry, already sat at the booth in the far right corner. He lifted his hand up in an awkward sort of wave and you couldn’t help but beam at him. He had a shirt, an expensive looking white shirt with a yellow and blue jumper over the top. You hand felt so excited to see someone since when your Grandma went into hospital for her tumour being removed and you couldn’t see her for a few days. 

“YN.” He sighs, “Hi.” 

“Hi.” You smile, slipping into the booth across from him. 

“Was starting to think you wasn’t going to show up.” 

“I’m sorry.” You tuck your hair behind your ear, “I underestimated how bust the tube was going to be.” 

You can tell he wants to pry but instead he says, “It’s okay.” 

His nails were painted yellow, a few of them painted lilac as well. There was something so simple about his nails that you just loved, and if it wasn’t weird you probably would’ve stared at them for way too long for it to be acceptable. You knew he had tattoos, and you could see the cross on his hand and the the anchor peaking out from underneath his shirt and you wanted to see more. 

“I like your nails.” You smile, running your own fingers over your own nails underneath the table. 

“Thanks.” A blush creeps up his neck, “I did them last night. Sort of calmed me down, I was quite nervous.” 

“Nervous for what?” 

“This.” He nods, “I haven’t been as nervous for a date in a long time.” 

“You don’t have to be nervous.” 

In your twenty four years of living, you’ve never had someone say that they were nervous to see you. You’ve been nervous to see and do many things in your life and you hoped that somewhere along the line it would’ve been the same for somebody else and yourself but you had the slight suspicion that wasn’t the case. Hearing those words out loud, coming from someone who you’d never expect it too was special, and you were going to keep that for as long as you physically could. 

“I did.” He looks down at the table briefly, “I’ve never liked a girl as much as I like you before.” 

“You don’t really know me.” 

“I’d like to get to know you.” 

That’s what you do. For the rest of the date you don’t stop talking. Even though you’re starving and could eat your fist, it takes you the longest you’ve ever taken to eat your food because of how much you spend it talking. 

You’re just about to dig in to your desert when your body physically halts, “Why didn’t you want me to pick you up?” 

“I, uh, I—”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t what to! I know I can be pretty invasive sometimes.” 

“No, it’s fine!” You take a sip of your drink to swallow down the dryness within your throat, “I don’t live in the nicest building, or in the nicest area and I guess I was embarrassed.” 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed.” 

“But I was.” You drop your eyes to the plate in front of you, “I know I shouldn’t have been and that it was stupid but I just didn’t want you judge me before you truly knew me because of where I live.” 

“I hope you know now that I wouldn’t have done that.” 

“I do.” 

You let Harry drive you home. Even though you would never admit it to his face just yet, you really liked him. He was kind, sweet and funny and everything you could ever want in your person. You haven’t said this in a long time but you love the person you are around him and you wouldn’t change it for the world if you didn’t have to. 

He stops in the car park outside the building of flats you live in and you can tell he’s thinking deeply about something but you try to not concentrate on that too much. 

“I would invite you up.” You laugh, “But I don’t think the sofa in the middle of my Grandma’s flat whilst she snores in the next room is the most romantic.” 

He scrunches up his nose, “I can’t say that it is.” 

“I’m sorry.” You drop your head to look at your hands that are tested on your knees, “I really wish I could offer you something. Anything.”

“It’s okay, YN.” He uses his finger to move your head up so that you’re looking at him, “I don’t expect anything from you. I hope you know that.” 

“I know.” 

He hesitates for a moment, and you can feel the finger that was rested upon your chin move upwards so that its upon your cheek. You flicker your eyes closed and just mask in the feeling of his touch against your cheek. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asks. 

You eyes open as you nod your head, letting out a shaky breath at the sheer surprise you feel at his words.

“Want your words, darling.” 

“Please kiss me.”  

You close your eyes again and you feel his lips touch yours. It's light at first, but you can’t contain yourself and you end up pushing closer to him, relishing in the feeling of his lips upon yours. Your fingertips grip the collar of his shirt, trying to pull him closer without hurting himself too much on the centre console. Even though you both don’t want to, you pull away as you start to loose breath. 

“You okay?” Your chest heaves up and down as he speaks. 

“Never been better.” You sigh, resting your forehead against his. 

“Good.” 

You kiss again, this time its more passionate and you can’t help but let out a small whine as he pulls away. The smug look on his face after hearing that sound was enough to send your stomach doing flips. 

You really didn’t want to do this, but you had too: “I have to go.” 

“It’s okay.” He smiles, “I understand.” 

“Okay.” You reach for the door handle. 

“I have to go away for a bit.” He sighs, “I’m writing some music over in America but when I get back, do you want to maybe go on another date?” 

“I’d love to.” 

He presses one last kiss to your lips and you leave the car, muttering a small, “Bye.” 

You feel giddy. As though you’re sixteen again and just come back from your first date with your first boyfriend. It was something you hadn’t felt in a long time and in all honesty, you had no idea how to handle those feelings. You certainly wouldn’t admit that you screamed quietly into your pillow in excitement that night. 

You couldn’t wait for him to return home. 

Two weeks. Harry was away for two weeks and even though you had only kissed him once, twice if you actually count how many kisses there were, you missed him more than words could explain. You weren’t one to usually message first, so you did end up waiting until Harry had a spare moment to message you which wasn’t as often as you would’ve liked but you couldn’t complain. 

You almost felt as though you had been drip fed this new life with Harry in, only to have it taken away quicker than you could blink. It wasn’t forever, and that was probably the thing keeping you sane. This had all happened in such a short amount of time but you wouldn’t change it for the world. 

The only thing that limited how far you could take this was your job. 

Harry had obviously been curious and during a text conversation in the first week of his week being away — he asked what you did. After having a small freak out you decided to say that you worked in a bar. It was a small, white lie and you hated yourself for it but telling him that you were a stripper just didn’t feel like the best thing to do at that time. 

You just weren’t ready to tell him, and that was totally okay. 

Speaking of your work, tonight was the night of the big party that Elliot made sure you could come to. The club had held celebrity parties before, so you weren’t entirely nervous but every time someone mentioned it you could feel your heart speeding up slightly. 

“Emerald.” You turn to look at Elliot who’s trudging towards you, a bag in hand, “Here’s your new outfit for tonight.” 

“New? I thought I’d just wear the one for special occasions.” 

“This is a special, special occasion Emerald.” He dropped the bag down in front of you, “Wear this.” 

Taking the material out of the bag, your mouth dropped open at the sight of the emerald green lingerie in your hands. It was delicate lace that you feared you’d rip if you weren’t too careful. Putting it on, your breasts slightly spilled over the lace, and whilst your front was covered, the thong back of the lingerie left your ass on full display. It was beautiful, you couldn’t dismiss that but you just hadn’t ever worn something so skimpy before. You pulled your black silk robe over your shoulders, fastened your black heels onto your feet and made your way towards the side of the stage. 

The skimpiness of the new lingerie did send more butterflies to the pit of your stomach than you were originally hoping for but it was only another hurdle for you to get over which you knew you’d be able to do. 

You heard the music start to play, you slipped your hand through the gap in the curtain and opened it, revealing yourself to the room. 

Here goes nothing, you mumble to yourself. 

Harry’s jaw dropped at the sight of you on the stage. It certainly wasn’t his usual scene, a strip club, but it was a friend of a friends birthday and he had kindly been invited and he wasn’t about to turn it down. He wasn’t in the band anymore, and certainly didn’t have to hide that he went to places like this anymore, even though they weren’t his favourite. 

He couldn’t bare his eyes off of you. The way your body moved to the rhythm of the song, your darkly manicured nails pushed the robe of your shoulders, exposing the delicate lingerie you were wearing. Harry would be lying if he said that his cock didn’t start to stir at the sight. 

You. The girl who he thought spent her days reading, and looking after Grandma had a secret persona that he only wanted to explore more. 

“My word.” One of the men in the group spoke, loudly so that everyone could hear him, “She’s fit as fuck.” 

“To get my hands on her.” 

Harry clenches his jaw, and his fist that rested on the arm of his chair. If he wasn’t in a very public place where people could record him, he’d give that man a piece of his mind. He probably would but he’d do it when nobody was around so the man could truly understand what he was saying to him. 

“Do you think I could get a dance with her?” The birthday boy asked. 

“It’s your birthday.” The dickhead with no morals spoke, “She might give you something special as a present.” 

“The rules say no touching.” The words slip out of Harry’s mouth before he can stop them, “So I highly doubt that.” 

“I’m sure you’d be saying something different if you were in his position, Styles.” 

Harry rolled his eyes and focused his attention back on the stage, watching as you seductively bent down to pick up some of the tips that had been thrown on the bottom of the stage. The song was slowly finishing and Harry couldn’t help but feel a little bit of disappointment bubbling within him.

Harry watched your lean legs as you strutted towards the side of the stage, flicking the long wig on your head over your shoulder, seductively running your tongue over your bottom lip as you pulled the material of the lingerie down from your breasts. 

Harry bit his lip, his leg bounced, he ran his hand up and down his thigh. He tried to do everything in his power to distract himself from the rousing within his trousers but he just couldn’t do it. The flimsy material dropped to the floor, your red painted lips curled up into a smirk and you made your way behind the curtain, not showing any of your truly bare skin. 

If you hadn’t been imprinted on his brain before, you certainly were now.

You could hear the grunts and groans of happiness, and a few cheers whilst on stage but the lights were so bright that you couldn’t see anything past the first row or so. The tips you had received were good, and you were pleased about that. 

You received your robe and bra back from the stage and pulled them back onto your body. Your solo dance was always a hit for Elliot, and you supposed that was why he’s kept you on for so long and if you were honest, they were the easiest to do. Private dances always made you too uncomfortable, and in the six years you’ve worked there there had only been a handful of people that made you feel comfortable when it came to private dances. 

“Emerald.” Elliot walks in smiling and you assume everything is swell on the floor, “They fucking love you.” 

You nod your head, muttering a small and awkward, “Thank you.” 

He hums, “You’ve been requested for a private dance, and he’s promised to pay you accordingly.” 

“Really?” 

Another hum, “Room Two. I think he’s already there.” 

“Thanks.” 

He leaves the room, a bounce in his step. You suppose that this is a good thing and he’ll finally get off your back for the time you took off for the date with Harry. You at least hoped. 

You checked yourself. You made sure your makeup still looked flawless, your breasts sat perfectly within the material and your arse looked good. You brush through the wig once and make your way towards room two, the smaller of the three private dance rooms which helped it be more intimate. 

You smiled at the bouncer at the door, Gerry, a man who looked as though he could kill someone with a single punch but was actually a massive teddy bear. He was good at his job of keeping everyone safe and making sure that the bad eggs that came in left just as quickly. 

Watching the door slowly open, Harry felt his heart stop. He had been pacing up and down the room ever since he had walked in, and only just stopped when he heard the creek of the door. He couldn’t believe that you were in front of him, and you certainly couldn’t believe that he was in front of you either. 

“YN. . .” He sounded breathless. 

“Harry?” He could see your chest rising and falling at a quick pace, “What? How? I thought you were in America.” 

He scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, “I got back last night.” 

“Why are you here?” He can hear the lump in your throat as you speak, your eyes glossing over. 

“A Birthday party.” 

“Yours?” 

“No!” He’s quick to interrupt, “A friend of a friend. It’s not mine. Mine’s in February, and I certainly don’t think I’ll be having my party here. Not that there’s anything wrong with here! It’s lovely! You’re lovely! I’m rambling.” 

He was so gosh darn cute and if you weren’t in the middle of a break down, you probably would’ve laughed or at least reacted to his little word vomit. It was probably the quickest you’d ever heard him talk, not that it was hard. 

After a few minutes of contemplating what to say, you sigh, “I’m sorry.” 

His voice is soft, his features falling, “What are you sorry for?” 

“Lying to you.” You drop your gaze to the floor, trying to suppress the tears, “I didn’t want to.” 

“Hey, hey.” He walks over to you, placing his finger underneath your chin just like he had done in the car weeks ago, “No need to get upset, I’m not.” 

“You should be.” You bottom lip quivers, “I lied to you and I had no intention to retract that just yet.” 

“YN.” He rests his palms on your cheeks, “I’m not angry. I’m not upset. I just want to know why.”

“I was scared.” You admit, trying to do anything but look up at him, “I didn’t know what you’d think or if you’d change your mind.” 

“Change my mind about what?” 

“Wanting too, you know. . .?” 

He shakes his head, “I wouldn’t. There’s no reason for me to.” 

“I’m a stripper Harry, it gives you full reason to not want to be associated with me.” You lift your hand to wipe your under-eye. 

“I’m not judging you, YN, I said I wouldn’t.” 

“I wouldn’t be upset if you did.” 

“YN.” His voice is stern, more so than it had been, “I don’t care that you’re a stripper.” 

“You don’t.” 

“No.” He smiles, “I don’t.” 

“Fuck.” You let out a breath of relief, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” 

“I don’t mind.” He shrugs, “If you didn’t want to, you didn’t have to.” 

You had never met someone like him, and no matter how many times he surprised you that was just fact. Granted, you hadn’t had time to date anyone with looking after your Grandma but another reason you didn’t was because of what they would think of you. 

You knew that not everyone would be was understanding and lovely as Harry had been, and that was just because of the lovely person he was inside and out. That was the reason you didn’t tell him, because even though you had an inclination that he was accepting but you didn’t know whether that was just a façade or he was like that in real life. You loved that he was like that in real life. 

“Can I be honest?” You nod, “I enjoyed it.” 

You bite your lip to suppress the smile that threatened to cross your lips, “You did?” 

He hums, beaming a smile at you. 

“If you wouldn’t mind.” The corner of his lips tugs upwards, “I’d still love to get that private dance.”

You roll your eyes and thwack his shoulder playfully, “If you must.” 

“I’ll wait for you.” He nods, “Until your shift is over, if you want.” 

“Please.” 

“I’ll see you then.” 

You hadn’t even made it completely into Harry’s house before his lips were on yours. He pushed you up against his front door before he’d even shut it properly, his lips falling upon yours with a hunger you hadn’t felt since you last kissed him. 

Maybe it was his hands rested upon the small of your back, your fingers threading through the curls at the nape of his neck. 

“Can I offer you a drink?” He smirks against your lips. 

“Not the priority.” You reply, not bringing your lips away from his. 

“Noted.” He places a kiss to your jaw, “Upstairs?” 

“Upstairs.” 

You follow him up the stairs, your hand rested firmly in his. You’re too distracted by the man in front of you to take any notice of the house or where you were going. 

Harry had kept true to his word and waited for you. You secretly wished that you could have recorded the group’s reaction as you walked towards him, a small smile on your face. After bidding them goodbye, the two of you jumped in a taxi that Harry had ordered and made your way to his house, or what you expected to be his house and you weren’t disappointed. 

The second you step into the plushly decorated room, you’re kissing again. His hands slide down to rest upon curve of your ass, his ring-clad fingers immediately squeezing the flesh. You groan lightly into his mouth, allowing his tongue to slip through her parted lips. You grip his bicep as he leads your backwards into the room, your calves hitting the bed as he does so. 

Your lips part, you fall back onto the bed. You look up at him through your eyelashes, your fingertips reaching to pull the shirt he was wearing over his head. You almost swoon there and then at the sight of the tattoos littering his skin. You lean forward and place a kiss on his lower stomach, just before his happy trail that slips into the band of his trousers. 

You bite your lip, grinning up at him. 

“What are you planning?” 

“I don’t know.” You shrug, “What do you want me to be planning?” 

He groans, “Anything at this point.”

You reach forward, taking the button of his trousers in your fingers. You look up, “Is this okay?” 

“More than okay, baby.” 

You unbutton his trousers, wrapping your finger in the waistband and pulling them down. You can already see the tent in his boxers. You wondered how long he had been like this, you wondered if it had been since your dances. 

You blush slightly as you hook your fingers now into the waistband of his boxers, looking up at him. You can’t handle the look on his face, the slight blush but the boyish grin mixed with his curls that had fallen forward upon his forehead. You pull the fabric down, exposing his hard cock. You watch as it hits his stomach briefly, the tip swollen. You lift your hand up, wrapping it around him before giving him a few pumps. His stomach quivers as you do so, a groan escaping him as you wrap your lips around his tip. His eyes flutter closed as you start to bob your head, his fingers reaching forward to grab your hair into a ponytail. 

“Fuck baby.” His hips involuntarily buck forward. You sink further down, going as far as you could. 

Harry couldn’t believe how good he felt. It had been a while since he had been with someone, and it was worth the wait. You pulled away too soon in his opinion, but the sight of you, all teary eyed and sloppy sent his mind spiralling. 

“God.” He bent down and wrapped his arms around your thighs, lifting you up so he could move you further up the bed, “You’re fucking killing me here.” 

“Good.” You giggle. 

He’s quick to remove your shirt, allowing you to pull your jeans down at the same time. He didn’t expect you to still be in the lingerie from earlier, and if it was physically possible, he swore his cock hardened even more. 

“Fuck me.” 

He leans forward, pressing his lips to yours again as his fingers fumble with the latch of your bra. You bite your bottom lip as he wraps his around your nipple, flicking it with his tongue. He uses his hand to knead the other one. You can’t help but grind your hips forwards, a feeling bubbling deep in the pit of your stomach that you hadn’t felt in a long time. 

“Harry.” You moan, withering under his touch. 

He kisses down from your lips, to your jaw, down your neck until he’s littering them all the way to the band of your underwear. 

“Is this okay?” 

“More than okay.” You whine as he lets out a breath upon the thin material. 

He pulls your underwear down, teasing you by placing kisses across your thighs and pubic bone. He’s so close, yet so far from the place that you need him the most. He licks a stripe across your centre, until he wraps his lips around your clit. You can’t help the moans that escape your parted lips as he nibbles and flicks your sensitive nub, her thighs starting to shake as he coaxes her closer and closer to her orgasm. 

“Don’t stop.” You thread your fingers through his hair, “God! Harry.” 

He pulls away, and you let out a shaky breath as he does so. 

“No fair.” You whine. 

“Life isn’t.” 

“Just shut up and get a condom.” He does as you request, placing a small peck to your lips as he reached over to grab a condom from the drawer beside the bed. 

You watch as he rips the packet open with his teeth, pulling the rubber down his length. He presses another kiss to your lips, catching her eyesight once more.

“Are you sure?” 

“More than okay.” 

He hovers over you, rubbing his tip up and down your wet folds to coax a moan out of your lips. He groans into your shoulder as he pushes in, biting down briefly to suppress the sound. 

“Don’t.” You moan, scratching your nails down his back as he starts to thrust in and out of you, “Let me hear you.” 

“Fuck.” You squeeze him slightly, “Do that again.” 

He speeds up, catching your lips as your hips meeting quicker, the only sound in the room being your skin slapping each others. You slip one of your hands between the two of you, your nimble fingers rubbing your clit. 

“Where have you been all my life?” You can’t help the pleasurable giggle that escapes your lips. 

“Feel so good, H.” 

After a few more thrusts, a couple more circles of her clit and she’s comes around his cock, squeezing him tightly as she did so. 

“Fuck, shit, oh god.” 

He continues to thrust in and out of you, coaxing you through your orgasm and towards his. He seems to go deeper and deeper until he’s spilling inside the condom, his moans louder than any you had heard before. 

“God.” He collapses on top of you, taking a few seconds to collect himself and let you collect yourself, “Haven’t felt like that in a long time.” 

“Glad I could be of some assistance.” You push the hair that had matted to your face off. 

“You should keep secrets from me more often.’ 

“I’m never doing that again.” 

“Good.” He pecks your lips. 

[peaceoutofthepieces]

Tracing Time

Disclaimer that I am not a therapist nor bipolar but I have had a therapist so I’m hoping it’s not too awful of a depiction. Also want to add a minor content warning for the ending scene for homophobia, nothing explicit or even verbal, just a woman with an icky vibe.

Wednesday, 16:04

Song: Haux - Youth

Sander tips his head against the back of the couch and stares at the fan in the corner. It drones in slow circles, doing little more than disturbing the air right in front of it. It still makes the air in the room chilly enough that Sander is glad he’s wearing a sweater, though.

Between it and the window is an ‘abstract’ painting of the brain. Abstract in that the supposed organ is actually scattered in pieces throughout the canvas, all in various states of destruction. One has trees growing out of it, for example. Another is on fire; it’s Sander’s favourite.

He’d stared at it with an absurd sort of fascination in his first session, almost two years ago now, and his therapist, Agathe, had simply smiled at him and asked if he liked art. It was a sneaky way in, but he supposed that was the point. These meetings have gotten fewer and farther apart over that time, now that he can supposedly manage himself to a high enough standard on his own. Well, not quite enough, he supposes, or he probably wouldn’t be here at all. He can practically hear Agathe’s rebuke that they are just ��casual check-ins’, and Sander is free to go whenever he pleases.

At every one of those reminders, Sander debates doing exactly that—getting up and going. Instead, he usually ends up slumping sullenly for a few minutes before Agathe prods her way back in.

They haven’t been mandatory in a long time, these sessions, but now there’s just something...reassuring. There are still times he doesn’t bother making an appointment, but knowing he can, and knowing that someone with the right knowledge doesn’t see any reason to worry about him, leaves a pretty damn good sense of relief.

And he did have a bit of a blip, at the start of the year. A few days in which he had to be prodded and coerced into just taking a drink of water, and had spent the majority of in his room. It had overlapped the holidays, so he’d let Robbe come and cocoon himself with him for a good chunk of the time.

It hadn’t made him better. But it made him...safe, or something similar, and that was the most he could hope for.

It was the coming-out-of-nowhere aspect that had shaken him a bit. He’d felt better, just keeping up his sessions then, being sure that he was at least doing alright with his medication. It’s working okay, the sitting and talking, so he shows up and just lets Agathe keep making sure.

The door cracks open now and she slips back in, dropping into the couch across from Sander and shooting him her usual calm, too-happy smile through light lipstick. It brings out her dimples. She’s not yet marred by wrinkles, but there’s something soft and aging about her face, anyway. Maybe it’s the graying roots. “Sorry about that, I forget this thing way too often.” She holds up the clipboard she’d carried in with an exasperated sigh, murmuring under her breath as she flicks through it and gets settled.

It’s all painfully familiar. It makes Sander smile.

He does like her. He’s never bothered denying that.

“So, how are we today?” It’s the same way she always starts, though it’s usually accompanied by—ah, there we go—clasped hands and another smile.

“Good,” Sander says. It’s automatic, but he also means it. Today is fine. It’s good.

She raises her brow when he doesn’t offer anything else. “Alright, good. Belated birthday wishes are in order, I believe?”

“Yeah, thank you. Just yesterday.”

She nods, and Sander does not think about how that was dumb when she obviously already knows. But she just settles back and crosses her legs. “Did you do anything to celebrate?”

Sander’s lips finally stretch in a smile of his own. He thinks it’s probably a little dopey, a little lovestruck, and she probably knows exactly what he’s going to say before he opens his mouth. “I had breakfast with my parents because Robbe took me out for dinner. Then he had a surprise party planned at our friends’ flat.”

“A party on a school night?” Agathe’s brows raise, and she shakes her head with a small laugh. “How do they deal with that today?”

“No clue,” Sander breathes out a huff of his own, trying not to feel overly amused by how Gilles had been in the class they shared with Sander earlier in the day. For once, they hadn’t said a word, just sat with their head down for the entire lecture, wincing every now and then when Sander laughed. He hadn’t even heard from any of the others, but Robbe had looked dead on his feet this morning, as well. He’d sent Sander a slightly sunnier selfie about half an hour ago, though, so he’s probably fine. “Not very well, I imagine.”

She tilts her head. “You seem well enough.”

“Well, I wasn’t drinking,” Sander shrugs.

At this, her serene little smile returns and her nod seems approving, and even though Sander hadn’t been looking for it, he grudgingly admits that it feels good. “I know that can be a difficult choice, and I’d rarely be able to make it myself,” she laughs again. “It’s great that you feel strong and comfortable enough in that group to do your own thing.”

Sander can’t help a little snort. “Are you kidding? It was one of them that had me drinking mocktails.”

“Really?” Agathe grins.

“Yeah, but then he got kinda drunk, and the last couple he made me were just disgusting because he thought these awful mixtures would be a really good idea.”

She laughs gently. “Well, it seems like it’s not the worst. ‘He’ isn’t Robbe?”

Sander shakes his head. “No, but one of his friends.”

“And what about Robbe, then? How is he?”

“Good.” A soft smile steals over his face. “The best, as always.”

“Treating you well.”

Sander’s smile widens, and he raises his brows without saying anything.

Agathe points at him. “Not what I meant, and not what I need to know.”

“I thought we can talk about whatever I want in here,” Sander says innocently.

“Alright, then,” she acquiesces. “Tell me all about it.”

Sander blanches. He thinks about it, opens his mouth, and then thinks about it some more. Closes his mouth again.

Her smile is downright devious. “That’s what I thought.”

He huffs. “It’s very healthy, just so you know.”

“I am sure.”

“Explorative. Always consenting, of course. Frequent.”

“All very normal and well for teenage boys,” she nods, and it would be completely serious if Sander couldn’t see her eyes twinkling. She pauses. “Although, I can’t call you that anymore. How does it feel to be twenty?”

Sander narrows his eyes. “Nice change of subject.”

“Oh, if you had more to say, please continue. Just a thought that occurred to me, I don’t mean to steer you, you know that.”

He does know that, and it makes him pause, because. How does it feel to be twenty? He realises he hasn’t thought about it. He realises that’s probably a good thing—that he didn’t get stuck on his birthday this year, that it was something he just enjoyed. Maybe it was simply going to sleep next to Robbe that helped, but no anxiety had taken over at the end of the day.

Even after his conversation with Jens. It’s not the most prominent part of the day of Sander’s mind even now. Instead he finds himself tucking his hand into his pocket and grasping Robbe’s key, running his thumb over the already familiar ridges.

He hadn’t even been worrying about his major fuck-up with his assignment. He’s still not.

He’s not really giving himself the chance.

Should he be?

“It feels the same as being nineteen,” he says finally. “I didn’t become a different human in a day, sadly.”

He can see her latching on. “Why do you say it like that?”

“Like what?”

“‘Sadly’?”

“It’s just...a joke.”

“Okay. But why do you think it’s funny?”

It annoys him, because she’s not judgmental. She’s neither amused nor disappointed. Just curious, earnest, all focused and attentive as she gazes calmly, patiently at Sander. Even his attempt at throwing her off, making her awkward, hadn’t shaken her. She remains unfazed, as always. It’s annoying.

“I don’t,” he admits, “I guess. I don’t know what I’d consider it.”

Agathe nods, softening in her understanding, and it makes something twist in his chest. “Are you not happy with the human you are, Sander?”

He gives her a bland look. When she keeps waiting, he shrugs, gesturing at the room.

“I know,” she says gently, “that of course, you feel you would be happier without your illness. But who you are now—what you study, what you’re passionate about, who you surround yourself with, how you live your life day to day. Do you wish all of that was different?”

Sander doesn’t have to think about it quite as much. “No. But I—“

He cuts himself off, hesitating. She raises her brows and nods, prompting him onwards but not pushing. If he really wants to wait her out, she’ll move on.

“I just wish that it was easier,” he says.

She tilts her head. “Easier how?”

“I messed up. At college. I completely missed an assignment because I mixed up the dates with another one.”

She winces in sympathy. “And what happened in that case? Does that mean that assignment is marked as a fail?”

“No,” Sander admits. “He gave me the time I thought I’d have to do it. Marked it down as an extension. It’s due on Friday now.”

“And is it going alright?”

“Yes.”

“You aren’t struggling with it too much?”

“No.”

“Then it seems like a fairly simple mistake. Easy to make and also, thankfully, easy to fix for you. It’s not unusual. But do you see it as an effect or consequence of your illness? Is that why it bothers you?”

Sander is quiet.

She sets her clipboard aside and leans forward, clasping her hands again as she considers him. “You have to remember, Sander, that all humans are not without fault. That regardless of who we are or what we may have to deal with, we will inevitably make mistakes. Not every slip up is a reflection of you, or a sign of failure, of failing health. You’ve actually been doing very well for a long time, now. But this belief, or this worry, that it is taking a hold of you again can sometimes help it take on that direction. Do you know what I mean?”

He takes a moment to absorb the words before nodding, knowing that if he answers too quickly she won’t believe he’s listening. But he does know. He understands. He hates that she’s probably right.

“So in a situation like this,” she continues, “do you not think, that it is more beneficial for you to focus on correcting your mistake and the fact that you have that ability? Not only mentally, but overall. That your professor is so understanding must mean he thinks well of you.”

He shouldn’t ask. He does anyway, quietly. “You don’t think it’s just pity, or something?”

“No,” she huffs. “No, I do not. Did he give you the impression that that was why he was doing it?”

Sander rolls his shoulders, adjusting his position. “No.”

Her smile returns. “I think,” she says slowly, “that this all shows just how well you’re doing. That you can acknowledge your doubts are likely just that—doubts—and that you take responsibility when you mess up and try to rectify it. Do you not think those are all good things? Things just as healthy as your sex life?”

It shocks a laugh out of him, and he sees her eyes crinkle. “Maybe,” he allows. “But it really is very healthy. I don’t know if anything else should be forced to live up to the standard.”

She represses a smile. “I remember there was a time when you would never have even spoken about this in such a kind way.”

She’s right. It still freaks him out, sometimes, the hypersexuality that can be induced by his mania, and it even made him hold back from Robbe after his episode, at the beginning. The last thing he wanted was to freak Robbe out, or disgust him, or make him uncomfortable. Then Robbe had seemed downtrodden for about a week before hesitantly asking Sander if he’d done something wrong or if Sander wasn’t actually attracted to him, and Sander had corrected his doubts and behaviour fairly quickly, because how dare the most beautiful boy in the universe think that?

“How do you feel you’re doing, Sander?” Agathe asks. “Because although I can observe, only you can feel what you feel. If you are genuinely worried, we can talk about it.”

“No,” Sander admits, after a moment. “I think everything is okay, actually.” Which is the best it can ever be, really.

Now her smile is genuinely happy. “I think so, too. And I think, even if it comes about that it’s not, you have a better support than ever. Do you agree?”

That one’s easy. “Yes.”

“It’s important to remember,” she adds, “maybe more than anything else, that if a lapse or an episode or whatever does occur, it’s not the end of the world. It’s also not a reflection of you, or a failure. Bad days, bad weeks, that’s all a part of life, and something we know you’re more than capable of dealing with and getting past. I’ve watched you do it many times before now and it’s an admirable, wonderful thing.”

Sander doesn’t actually know what to say to that. He just swallows, and feels oddly emotional, and offers her a slight nod.

The rest of the session passes in a lighter atmosphere. She lets him ramble about his assignment to alleviate what stress he does feel over it, and they spend the leftover minutes discussing his party.

Sander considers talking to her about the other thing on his mind, but ultimately decides against it. She’s already taught him how to work through that, and he really doesn’t think it will help to be putting it back into open air. Instead he leaves with a fairly upbeat farewell, and heads in the opposite direction from home.

Robbe had texted him about where he was meeting with Yasmina for a study session, and it takes Sander less than ten minutes of walking to get to the small cafe from his appointment. He sees the two of them as soon as he enters, but neither of them notice him, so he moves to the counter to buy himself a coffee before making his way over.

He’s a couple of feet away when Yasmina catches sight of him and offers her bright smile, and then Robbe is looking over his shoulder.

“Hello,” Sander greets them both, grinning as he cups Robbe’s cheek and leans down to kiss the crown of his head. “I can see we’re very busy.”

Robbe has his hand wrapped around Sander’s wrist, preventing him from pulling away. He turns his head and presses a sweet kiss to Sander’s palm, nuzzling lightly against it. Sander lets his fingers slip over and tug gently on the boy’s earring before Robbe tangles their hands together and offers Sander his crinkly smile. “Hi.”

“Not anymore, I guess,” Yasmina says dryly, but she’s still grinning when Sander glances back at her.

He raises his hands; well, his free one. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.” He hadn’t, really, he’d just wanted to be here when they were done to take Robbe home. He always likes being in the other boy’s company after a therapy session. Despite them not being quite so heavy at the moment, it’s always draining. Robbe is always able to replenish him with soft touches and soothing kisses, providing Sander with a silent, comforting company.

“Don’t be silly,” Robbe rebukes, predictably, swinging Sander’s hand idly now. “How are you?”

Sander squeezes his hand. “Good. I’m surprised you look so healthy, though.”

Robbe groans and buries his face against Sander’s arm. “Don’t. I’m suffering in silence.” He tilts his head ‘subtly’ at Yasmina.

Yasmina raises her brows at him, somehow managing to look wholly unimpressed and teasing all at once. “At least you can stave it off with sugar and coffee.”

Robbe has the sense to look sheepish, ducking his head in a nod. “You’re right, sorry, sorry.” He lets out a sigh. “You’re on too high of a level for me, Yasmina.”

“Queen shit,” Sander agrees, just to earn one of the girl’s unimpressed glances for himself. “Should I run now?”

She rolls her eyes. “Just sit down and drink your coffee. And keep your hands to yourself, if you can manage it? I still need my study partner, thank you.”

Sander grins and obeys, swinging a seat from the next table around to join them, dropping into it happily. He doesn’t place it as close to Robbe’s as he’d like, but Robbe leans into him for a moment anyway before refocusing his attention on his friend.

For the first while, Sander is content to listen and sip his coffee, feeling tiredness begin to creep into his bones. He lets his head loll against his own shoulder, trailing his eyes over Robbe’s profile and drifting into a sort of daydream. He can see the boy’s lips moving, but he has no idea what either of them are saying. They only let out the occasional comment, trading questions and answers and sighs and mutters. Robbe’s eyes are still red and a little puffy, a sign of his lingering exhaustion. He rubs at them absently as he looks down at his book and lets out another sigh, and leaves an eyelash on his cheek.

Sander reaches out and gently swipes it away with his thumb, an entirely mindless action that has Robbe looking at him in surprise before breaking out into a smile. He catches Sander’s hand before Sander can withdraw it completely, laying it on the table next to him. Instead of holding it, Robbe runs his hand along Sander’s sleeve, rubbing the soft seam between his fingers as he continues his work.

For some reason, it makes Sander blush. He’s sure his smile is unbearably happy, and he flicks a glance at Yasmina just to make sure she doesn’t know, only to catch her eye. She’s already smiling at him, and she purses her lips and raises her brows, teasing. Sander pulls a face at her, and she simply shakes her head as her smile widens.

“Can you work on your assignment while you’re waiting for us?” Robbe questions suddenly, drawing Sander’s attention back with a tilt of his head.

Sander glances at his bag, which he’s carried with him all day since he had to go straight to his session from a class. He considers for a moment but ultimately shakes his head. With yesterday being an exception, he usually prefers working at night—and when it’s not cutting into time he could otherwise spend admiring Robbe. “I’ll work on it when I go home,” he promises. Then, because he can’t help himself, “You’re too distracting.”

Robbe’s grin is small, and exasperated, but he yearns towards Sander, leaning across the table. Sander meets him and presses a quick kiss to his lips, then his nose, his cheek, before resolutely sitting back and waving at the textbooks and notes strewn in front of them. Robbe’s grin turns into a pout for half a second before he squeezes Sander’s wrist and focuses again.

Sander sinks back with a sigh, enjoying the feeling of Robbe’s fingers brushing against his wrist and skimming his hand, but he doesn’t feel quite as settled. There’s a prickle skittering over his neck, and he looks to his side and finds a woman staring at him.

Her nose is screwed, and there’s a vague curl to her lip. The disgust in her expression only heightens as Sander meets her eye and she flicks her gaze down to where Robbe’s hand rests over his. Sander can only stare back, dumbfounded.

When she looks at his face again, he raises his brows, as utterly bored as he can manage, and it only takes a moment for her to look away and get out of her seat across the cafe.

Sander tenses as she gets closer, hand enclosing around Robbe’s entirely, but she merely offers him another look before leaving. He deflates, squeezing Robbe’s fingers. It’s only when Robbe squeezes back that he panics again and quickly looks at the boy. But Robbe is in the middle of asking Yasmina a question, neither of them having noticed a thing.

“I meant to wish you a happy birthday,” Yasmina says, breaking him out of the moment. His mind has fogged over, and it takes him a moment to process the words. By then, she’s already moving on. “How was the party, anyway?”

Robbe and Sander share a look, and Yasmina waits. “Jens hardly said a word to me the whole day,” Robbe tells Sander, but he seems more amused than upset, so Sander allows himself to laugh.

“You didn’t tell him we didn’t actually do anything?”

“I did!” Robbe raises his hands. “He didn’t believe me.”

“What, what did you do to Jens?” Yasmina asks, confused. Then, after a second, “You know what, no, I probably don’t want to know.”

She cringes, and Robbe apologises profusely as Sander bursts into laughter, the weird incident from moments ago already forgotten.

Totally forgotten.

~^~

previous/next

[lemonietrinket]

Jigsaw Puzzle ||| Ending Five - Xiaojun

Summary: Xiaojun x Reader Genre: Fluff basically Warning(s): A big nail, no one is put in danger but vague inferences to what damage a crooked unattended nail could do, some foul language (1x f**k) Word Count: 2701 Theme Song: Home - JBJ95 AN: Xiaojunnie’s ending for my masterpiece Love—I recommend reading it first (it’s worth it, even if it is a bit sad the cuddling is great and so is the emotional support and just. hell yeah)

~~~

Skipping into the kitchen, a grin immediately rose to your face as you caught sight of the hunched figure outside in the garden. Even with his back turned on the window it was clear who it was, and after your encounter last week, you knew exactly what he was doing. 

Letting temptation win you decided to ignore the task you’d been sent to complete (it didn’t matter much, Ten had legs and could totally get up and fetch his own food) and join Xiaojun outside. And so you grabbed the first jacket you could find—there was no doubt it was Kun’s going by the fresh scent upon the collar—slipped on your shoes and headed outside.  

It was a grey day, the wind whipping up wildly one second to then disappearing into silence the next. It had an iciness to it that plunged into your skin where the jacket didn’t protect, and you shivered a hum as you pushed through the gate into the garden.

Xiaojun heard the creak of the iron lock and threw a glance over his shoulder. Seeing it was you he got to his feet. “Oh, Y/N, hi!”

“Hey,” you chirped over the sudden buffer of the wind, “are you... doing what I think you’re doing?” 

He chuckled sheepishly before taking a step to the side, revealing a plastic pet bowl. “Yeah, you got me. Red handed.” He put his hands up in faux surrender.

Reaching the grass and coming to his side you bent down, mimicking what he’d been doing earlier. “So, what we got here, sonny boy.”

You heard him scoff and blinking up into the bright grey of the clouds you eventually caught sight of his dark eyes staring off at the fence at the bottom of the garden. Enraptured by his beauty that shone like the moon in the night no matter the angle, you very nearly forgot to breathe. The way his lips pursed into a coy smile was so distracting, and you only managed to save yourself when he rubbed his nose to combat the cold, the tip blushed as if smudged with light lipstick. That gave you ideas no less. 

He crouched down beside you, shuffling away slightly to give you space from him—as if that was what you wanted at all—and thumbed the rim of the blue plastic. “Well, Officer, we got a bad case of broken plastic here.” He indicated to the clear jagged edge that was extremely hard to miss.

“Yikes,” you mumbled, “what happened?”

“You know the storm last night?”

You nodded, before your eyes widened when Xiaojun retrieved a large crooked nail from the grass by his foot. “Yo what the fuck?”

“Found it sticking out of the woodwork of the fence down there,” he gestured vaguely, his gaze focused intently on the rusty iron, “you’ve got to give it to Mother Nature, it was a bullseye.”

Mouth agape in disbelief at how the wind had managed to achieve that feat you frowned at the cut plastic. It looked old so you supposed it was no surprise it would splinter so easily. Nevertheless it seemed so freak. Unnerved by how long and wide the nail was, with its etched sharp point, your voice wavered. “How long had that been down there?”

He shrugged, finally raising his eyes to meet yours. You watched as they softened and he placed the nail on the patio concrete where it could be easily spotted. “It’s ok, I’ll get rid of it today.”

You nodded a thank you. “So... what were you trying to do to the bowl? It’s clearly a goner.”

“Trying to fix it,” Xiaojun answered simply. When you offered him a quizzical look, he procured a roll of sellotape. There was a twisted strand that hung over the side, sticky side folded over on itself and encasing several shards of plastic. When your face didn’t change a single bit he chuckled sheepishly. “The wind isn’t... quite on my side.”

“Couldn’t you have done that inside?”

He stared at you silently. “Yes, that would be the smart way of doing it b-but...” he scrambled for the words, “I thought it was going to be a quick job!” he exhaled while pulling his coat collar closer to his neck. “I was just wrong.”

“Clearly the brain cell wasn’t bestowed to you today,” you muttered through a stifled snicker, just loud enough for him to hear.

“Hey!”

You met his gaze then, a small smirk on your lips that flickering out as soon as you took him in once again. His pout left your heart racing and heat ros ot your cheeks to greet the caress of his dancing eyes. You quickly changed the subject, clearing your throat and ducking your head back down to the grass, fingers picking at the blades. “So... what are you going to do about it?”

You felt his stare flutter across your cheeks before quickly darting away to where the nail rested. He spoke while he scooped it up, “Guess I’d better go buy a new one.”

“Well, I’ll come with you!” you chirped, perhaps a little too quickly for your own good. “Keep you company and make sure you don’t get lost, you know.”

“That brain cell is missing after all isn’t it,” he said, soft smile sending your heart reeling before he stood up, gaze back to avoiding yours. Perhaps he hadn’t noticed after all. Perhaps that too wasn’t for your own good either. 

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

Hands tucked in your pockets to protect them against the brash wind, you found yourself stumbling over an uneven slab in the pavement that you were walking down towards the pet store. 

Eight times, you had counted, that your elbow had brushed his. 

And unlike you, he hadn’t faltered in his step nor words once as he gently rambled to you, the words spilling from his lips bitten by the cold and his own tension. He often did this, on the rare occasions that it was just the two of you. He never spoke with an urgency, but it always dawned upon you afterwards just how far his thoughts went when he was with you—the topic he began on was never anywhere near the one that he finished with. You figured he just needed to vent, as maybe the others didn’t help him come to terms with some of his problems as much as he needed, or they were the problems (which seldom surprised you), and so you never interrupted him. You instead found yourself just silently listening to him, not thinking ill of it once, because you were spending time with him and that was enough. Also his voice had a knack for helping you just relax, it was so soft and peaceful, you were pretty sure you could fall asleep to it.

However, this time was like no other, as you discovered when you could barely listen to him at all. Dipping in and out of the sun-dappled mist of daydreams, called by his voice and his small glances to you, tipped with the crests of smiles, it was no surprise you found it extremely difficult to focus, even as the crowds increased as you reached the main road. 

“It’s not far now,” Xiaojun announced once his ramblings had met a natural pause.

You didn’t respond, not grounded enough to get your vocal chords working in time. Besides, the chatter of the throngs of people was likely enough to swallow anything you said whole.

Forced by the sudden onslaught of strangers heading towards you, Xiaojun shuffled close to you so to allow more pavement for them.

Nine.

He came to walk slightly behind you, his presence offering a surprising sense of comfort as you continued on, the shining sign of the shop peaking through the swathes of silhouettes. Focusing on its retro-inspired neon cursive, you found the weightlessness subside. 

Thanks to the lack of a constant reminder of the man you had fallen ever so hopelessly for being right at your side, by the time you reached the store, you had managed to get your voice working once again.

Warm air washing over you harshly, you quickly shed your coat at the discomfort as soon as you entered. Xiaojun only then stood beside you once again, coaxing the two of you to begin searching for the bowls. 

“Should probably get a heavier one,” he mused, so quiet you could convince yourself he wasn’t talking to anyone at all, even you.

“Sounds good.”

He led the way, sharp eyes narrowed as he scoured the aisles for the distinctive bright colours he was after. The shop itself was pretty quiet, since it was so small and people were beginning to head home for dinner.  Regarding the endless walls of biscuits, treats, toys, scratching posts, beds and whatnot you were baffled by how the food bowls were nowhere to be found. That was, until you turned the corner into the leftmost aisle and spotted them instantly.

“Junnie!” you called, bobbing down to get a closer look at the plastic on the bottom shelf. You were pretty sure they were dog bowls, but you didn’t see the harm in using it for a tiny hedgehog—especially since these looked much more robust and less likely to crack when thrown into a nail.

Picking up a red one you were surprised about how light it was, and at the word ‘DOG’ written bluntly in a rather aggressive font along its side. Grimacing you put it back and began turning the others along the shelf to see what they had written along it.

PUPPY.

ROVER.

#1 DOG.

You sighed, dismayed. It wasn’t the end of the world, giving a hedgehog a bowl with ‘dog’ emblazoned on the plastic of course, but it did feel a bit wrong. Especially when there was a high chance you could do better. Unless Xiaojun had miraculously named the hedgehog something dog-related. 

That was when it hit you. You had no idea what he had called her. 

Standing with a frown it was as if you had summoned him from the earth, as Xiaojun popped up from round the corner. His eyes brightened as soon as they rested upon you, though you wrote it off as being relieved to have finally found what you’d come all this way for. “Ah! Anything good?”

You barely registered his question, instead entirely leading with your own. “Junnie, what did you call the hedgehog?”

It was a seemingly innocuous question. And yet as soon as you looked back fro glancing at the shelves again, you watched as his voice got stuck in his throat.

“Xiaojun?” you enquired carefully.

Before you could enquire if he was ok, he coughed rather awkwardly as if he were a cartoon clearing his throat. “Sorry,” he managed, “I called her... Hedgehog?” 

He was quite unlucky in that sense—the questioning intonation was slight but you caught in nonetheless, a consequence of your habit of hanging off his every word (when you weren’t too overwhelmed by his gorgeous features).

Bemused, you chuckled. “Hedgehog? You called her Hedgehog? How imaginative...”

“Why do you ask?”

Mildly startled by his sudden enquiry, your eyes widened before you could stop them. “Oh, the bowls... they have like dog-related stuff on them. Like ‘Rover,’” you pointed vaguely before focusing entirely on him once again, “but you didn’t call the hedgehog Rover, which would’ve been kinda funny because irony. Nope, you called her Hedgehog—honestly, Xiaojunnn,” you whined, turning to skim over the china bowls instead, “I thought you were more imaginative than that...!”

Meanwhile, Xiaojun was sweating internally. And externally too, most likely, not that he was really in the state to check. Truth be told he had been a little bit more imaginative than that, but there was also no way to tell you that, without admitting every little thing that he had hidden from you. All those gazes, accidental touches, rogue thoughts and near confessions, all out in one go. A board of jigsaw pieces so unclear, yet only needing one final piece to reveal the finished, Schrödinger’s image. He was one move away from perhaps achieving his dreams or unveiling heartbreak. 

And that terrified him. Despite being confronted with a thousand pieces of evidence as to why it would be the former, he would never quite believe it with his whole heart. He’d entertained the possibility for too long in his head for it to ever wholly sink into his mind that it could be real.  But he didn’t want to lie to you anymore. They may have only been small but he didn’t like how they hung over him, like the crystals of a chandelier strung too low and seconds from snapping. And he certainly didn’t want to make any more.  But that meant confessing.

“—Do you think of Cactus, Xiaojun? Prickles? No that’s bad... Zen?”

Catching your eyes peering over your shoulder expectantly at him, he took a deep breath. “You know what is a good name?”

You hummed, shuffling back along the aisle to hear his answer. 

“Y/N,” he finally continued, voice very nearly wavering.

“Yeah?” 

He swallowed. “No, I mean... Y/N is a good name.”

He could see the cogs of thought twisting behind your eyes, before the cute smile he had come to know well and love appeared, highlighted. “Thank you, b-but you can’t name the hedgehog after me.”

“Uhh, yeah, it’s...” he sighed, gathering his strength, “it’s a bit late for that.”

Your voice was dead serious. “What.”

The whole situation had caught you off guard. Never in your wildest dreams had you thought he had named the spiky little creature after you. You figured that if he had been hiding something, it was that he had named her something embarrassing like ‘Sugar-Plum’ or ‘Marshmallow’. But you? He took one look at the prickly animal, that was known for being loud and far from cuddly, and named it after you? You had to admit you weren’t exactly endeared.

However, in a seconds he changed your mind. 

“Y/N, listen,” he began, panic etched across his face as he ran his hand through his hair, “I... named her after you because I... I love hedgehogs. A lot. I think they’re adorable and want to hold them even if they look spiky on the outside. So when I found that one visiting regularly and I couldn’t think of a name, I just... named her after you because it made sense at the time. I didn’t think that far ahead, after all I never thought I had a chance with you anyway, so I figured it would be...”

Once he had trailed off you didn’t speak up to fill the silence, and ended up just staring at him. He was nervous, and you had been so swept up in your own thoughts that putting his together as they tumbled from him had become a nightmare but you were almost certain that he had in essence, said what you had long hoped to hear in some shape or form.

“Was that... a confession?” you gradually eased.

He looked around dazedly. “I think so, yeah.”

A smile teased at the corner of your lips. “You named her after me because you love hedgehogs, and you love... me...?”

After a moment of coming to terms with the simpler version, he nodded.

If he had tried to backtrack out of fear, he wouldn’t have had the chance to, because as soon as the relief washed across your shoulders and the excitement burst in your heart, he found you in his arms. You fit together perfectly, as the weight of reality settled in to encompass you both.

Your hair was soft at his neck even after being blustered by the wind and the sound of your elated laughter lit his skin ablaze. He found himself smiling uncontrollably at what he finally had in the palms of his hands—the coalescence of his love and dreams and future all in one. Cradling you against his chest he finally felt that jigsaw finally come together, to reveal the final image. One of tender care and affection, and a longing now fulfilled. 

~~~

AN: I got another one done! after all this stalling again, again, im sorry !!!!

i love hedgehogs. we had one near our house at the beginning of the quarantine and it was so cute. i fed it dry cat biscuits and it snuffled so loud and then ate all of it and im just happy knowing my life is not completely worthless bc i fed the good boi

pls do not question me on where they live. its a house, yes they all live together and yn lives with them. yup theyve got a garden. its not an overly big house. why? bc why not 

Masterlist

[whumpiary]

continued from here, companion piece to this and this

-

All Josiah wants when he hears the knock at the door is Mal’s reassuring smile, an easy hug, the gentle squeeze of his arm that tells him everything is going to be fine. Besides the need for medical expertise, it’s the reason Josiah had called him. Apparently though, when Josiah had called, asked quietly and desperately for Mal’s help with a drugged-out friend, he’d forgotten the three magic words: don’t tell Lou.

He must have, because that’s more or less the only explanation for the 5 feet of leather-clad fury awaiting him when he answers the door.

Lou is easy and laid back most of the time. Quick to joke, quicker to laugh. But for nearly two years now, even the mention of Cass was enough to drain her of humour in a second. And now he’s here. And Josiah had been keeping it from her. Leather-clad fury was probably an understatement.

“Where is he?” 

She’s already trying to push through the door as she speaks. Josiah barely blocks her step with a foot.

“Hi Lou, I’m good, how are you?”

Mal meets his eyes over Lou’s shoulder, raises his finger with an apologetic salute.

“Back room?” he asks.

“My bedroom,” Josiah says, shifting barely enough to let the nurse slide past “Thanks, Mal.”

Mal gives Josiah’s shoulder a quick squeeze as he passes, and the comfort it floods him with is nearly embarrassing. He barely has time to block the doorway again as Lou makes another move to pass. 

“You’re not coming in.”

“Like hell I’m not,” she spits, teeth bared between purple lipstick “I’m gonna kill him.”

“I’m not doing this, Lou, I’m tired. You can come in, calm down, and have a cup of tea or you can leave.”

Lou looks like she might hit him, shifting from foot to foot like a boxer. She opens her mouth to say something, closes it again, before spinning around to let her rage out on a nearby pot-plant. 

“Kick my fern and die,” he warns. She stamps her foot down with a grunt, makes a sound like she’s considering screaming out the excess aggression but doesn’t want to worry the neighbours. Josiah waits.

Lou leans her back against the balcony railing and seems to swallow down a pintful of violence before screwing her eyes shut, running her hands over her shaved head and looking at the sky as she takes deep breaths. They’re so specific and measured, Josiah can count them out.

In for six, hold for four, out for six. In for six, hold for four, out for six.

And Josiah waits.

The wind curls around the house and eventually, Lou open her eyes again, fuse longer but clearly still smouldering. Her are arms crossed in a way that suggests they’d be strangling something if she didn’t have them so carefully folded.

“You better have chamomile.”

Josiah steps aside and Lou pushes past maybe a little too roughly but calmly enough. Josiah takes a deep breath before stepping after her, thanking anyone who’s listening that he’d had time to tidy up the living room before Lou could have that to get angry at as well. But by the time Josiah’s followed her, Lou has bypassed living room and headed straight into the upturned kitchen. Of course. 

She looks around pointedly before sitting herself at the stool by the bench, holding Josiah’s gaze as she does. “We can have the tea in here, right?”

He clenches his jaw. He knows what she’s doing. She’s waiting for him to tell her that the mess in here is making him uncomfortable and that she should move to the couch. To tell her that she’s sitting too close right now for him to turn his back to her. To tell her that he can’t handle this, that he should have called her sooner, that he’s about to go backwards. But he doesn’t tell her any of that. Because he’s fine. Because he is handling this.  

“No problem,” he says, forcing a smile. Only a little bit of disdain sneaks through “Loose leaf or bag?”

“Loose. Make a pot, Mal will have some too”

She leans forward on her arms and begins tapping her finger nails on the bench with a tatatatat, tatatatat. Another test. Tatatatat.

Josiah leans against the bench for a moment, taking a deep breath before straightening up again and flicking the kettle on. Lou’s a bitch when she wants to be.

“Love what you’ve done with the place, by the way,” Lou says, picking up a rogue fork with one hand while the other tatatatats “Really gives the place that ransacked Airbnb feel I know you love”

Josiah scoops chamomile into the strainer and takes a deep breath. Tatatatat.

“Honey?” he asks, fetching a spoon. 

Tatatatat.

“I would, but by the looks, you’d have to scrape it off the tiles”

Tatatatat. Tatatatat. Tatatatat.

“Calming down was part of the arrangement,” he says, reminding himself as much as Lou.

“I am calm,” she says, shrugging. The steel in her eyes only betrays her a little “I’m not going to just not talk about this, Jos.”

“Nothing to talk about,” Josiah shrugs, turning his back. He doesn’t look at her as he fetches mugs “Cass showed up, he looked sick, I called Mal, end of.”

Lou nods slowly, tatatatat, tatatatat, “And then you decided to turn your own house upside down for fun, did you?”

Josiah slams the cupboard draw shut harder than it needs, wheeling around to face her, and catching her hand flat against the bench to stop the sound. He manages to keep his tone relatively even, despite the anger bubbling hot in his chest.

“I’ve had a long fucking day, Lou, are you going to stop being an asshole or are you going to leave?”

“Depends. Are you gonna tell me what actually happened here, or am I gonna go ask Ace myself?”

“I told you what happened, you just don’t like the story.”

“What I don’t like is being lied to.”

Josiah grunts and pushes away from her. He leans back against the stove, resisting the urge to press his hand to his head, which is starting to pound again, to the back of his neck which is starting to itch. He closes his eyes. Weighs his options.

If Lou finds out Cass has been here the better part of a week, Josiah’s never gonna hear the goddamn end of it. There’ll be yelling and you should have called me and your safety needs to be a priority and she’ll be so disappointed in him. Not that the last part matters, he reminds himself, swallowing past the lump in his throat. Not that it matters, it’ll just be annoying. 

“He came yesterday,” he mutters, trying his very best to look resigned and wrung through. If lies look beaten out of you, they seem honest. Then partial truth to sell it. “I just… left to get some milk. And by the time I came back, he’d freaked out. Turned the house sideways. Kept saying I’d drugged him.”

“Had you?”

The glare he fixes her with is violent enough that, for maybe only the second time since he’s known her, Josiah watches Lou shrink in instant regret.

“Sorry,” she says. She means it. 

It’s quiet for a moment as the tea brews. Josiah swirls the pot a little, hoping to make the leaves steep faster. He knows it doesn’t do much, but it helps to have something to do with his hands. 

“I’m sorry. I know you’re not… It’s not…” Lou stumbles for words, spinning the fork idly. It really helps to have something to do with your hands. “Cass just… scares me. He really scares me. Especially around you.”

The comment hits Josiah like a bullet to the chest, and he sucks in a breath trying to shove down the flare of anger that hits him. Despite popular opinion, he’s not a helpless, naive moron being led astray by pretty people with ill intentions. He doesn’t need her fear. He doesn’t want her pity.

“I’m not some fucking waif, Lou,” he grinds out. He pours the tea.

“Come on Jos, you know that’s not what I meant,” she says and that hard line is back in her voice “What if he’s working with Tucker again? Or someone else?”

Josiah doesn’t answer. He’s thought of this. Of course he’s fucking thought of this, she needs to leave it.

“If he is, I’ll handle it.”

“Yeah? How did that go last time?”

He clenches his hands into fists. He doesn’t need reminders about last time. He has enough reminders about last time. He feels his heart in his throat.

“Cass is a time bomb,” Lou says, and her voice is soft and pained. Gentle in a way she isn’t often “When there’s a time bomb in your house you call in the bomb squad, you don’t wait for it to blow up in your face.”

“I called Mal.”

“You should have called me.”

“Calling you wouldn’t have been calling in the bomb squad it would’ve been pulling the pin on a grenade.”

There’s a strike of wounding in her face at that, but understanding too. She knows he’s right.

“What happens when he names you, Jos?” she whispers, and for a second Josiah swears there’s a shake in her voice. “Are you gonna handle that too or do I just have to be okay with losing you again?”

Josiah sags and reaches for her hand, giving her a reassuring squeeze. Old signals. This is why she wasn’t meant to know Cass was back. This is why she shouldn’t be here. 

“It wasn’t like that this time, Lou,” he says “He didn’t-”

But Lou pulls her hand away, like he’s burnt her. Any gentleness is gone from her face, replaced with shock and hard steel.

“I’m sorry… what wasn’t like that this time?” her voice is sharp, loud, probably audible from the other room. Her heart is beating so hard that Josiah can see it in the pulse of the necklace she’s wearing. She laughs and it’s bitter and cold and disbelieving. He sucks in a breath, like bracing for a hit. 

“He’s already fucking named you, hasn’t he?” she says. He doesn’t answer, doesn’t look at her. He doesn’t need to. The stool crashes to the ground as she stands “Oh, I’m gonna fucking kill him.”

Lou’s already moving before she even finishes speaking, making a bee-line for the bedroom. She’s moving fast enough that despite the pace difference between them, she’s already made it to the hallway by the time Josiah can cut her off. He slams a hand to the wall, blocking the narrow path.

“Move,” she growls. He stays still, shakes his head, knows she won’t risk pushing past him.

"Not even twenty four hours and he’s in your head again,” her voice is a snarl, vicious and low “Is that why you’re so calm? Is that why you’re suddenly fine with that piece of shit in your bed?”

She doesn’t mean it to be cruel or maybe she does, but either way Josiah feels the shame of it settling in his gut. It wasn’t like that - it isn’t like that. It's… different and he’s different and he is in control. He chose it this time. He chose to bring Cass in, to help him. It was his decision.

“It’s not like that-”

"You’re always defending him. No matter what he does to you, no matter how he hurts you, you’re always defending him.”

“He hasn’t done-”

“This is why you didn’t call, isn’t it?” and she’s not even listening. She doesn’t even care, she’s just barreling on no matter what he says “He made you lie, he made you keep it from me.”

“No, Lou, I chose to keep it from you. I chose to lie. I chose to call Mal because I didn’t want to deal with this- I didn’t want to deal with you, alright?!”

He doesn’t hear the door opening, doesn’t hear Cass’ furious rambling as he pushes through to the hallway. But he sees Lou looking over his shoulder, and sees her face crumpling, hears the breathless, shocked “Cass” that escapes her lips. Then he hears Mal.

“I take it you’ve met my wife?”

Then he sees Cass’ eyes rolling backwards. He only has just enough time to catch him as he faints.

[polygamyff]

24. Part 6

This is so stressful it’s just turned out to be us vs them and I don’t want that, as I knew Marquis is just causing havoc that I do not want to be apart of. Shawn refuses to let him in this room and I am glad, I don’t want to know. Even Maurice’ mom tried it, she cried but I don’t want to know right now “mom, I want Reign to go back home. I will have to come back with you” rubbing my eyes, I am so tired “I know she won’t feed from the bottle now, so I will come. Just wait for Jay” I think Reign is feeling it, she knows things are wrong but I don’t want my daughter getting ill “that is fine but that is Maurice family? His father keeps looking at us” my mom said “it’s because they want to come in this room” seeing Jay walking by the family, he is huge and I can see him from here. I got up from the seat “I need to check on what is happening with Maurice, wait here” walking over to Jay “you good bro? I came as soon as she called, he is in hospital?” Jay said in shock to Shawn “yes he is, I need to see someone. Please walk with me” walking by Jay, I have been dying to leave the room. Marquis and I locked eyes, no words was spoken but from the look alone he is hating me “what happened to him? He is ok when I last saw him” Jay said behind me as we walked, I will have to explain after to him “Rachel, hi. It’s been an hour, what is happening?” I need more information “erm, I will check the computer. Nothing has come up of anything, I would say he is stable, did you manage to see him?” sighing out heavily “I did yes, but I need to know what is next. I know he is lacking in oxygen, are they doing the transfusion?” I need to know what is happening “excuse me, can you wait?” hearing Jay say behind me, looking behind me and then I see Marquis “my son, that is my son. I want to know, Joy please. Just wait there” god help me “they are starting the transfusion now, someone will be over, so just remain in the room” I just want Maurice better “ok, thank you Rachel” Rachel just stared behind me “look sir, I don’t care. Just back away” walking off quickly, I don’t wish to speak to any of them.

Jay stood right in front of me as I deal with Reign “you really not happy are you? It’s ok baby, we going home. I just need to know what is happening with your father” Reign gave me a questioning look and then she farted on me “thank you, I love you too. I need you to be strong for me too” placing her pacifier in her mouth “my baby girl” placing my daughter over my shoulder “Robyn?” some guy said my name “Robz” Damon’ voice “one moment” I am right in the corner, nobody can see me because of Jay “mom place the blanket over Reign” nobody has the pleasure of seeing my baby girl, my mom lightly placed the blanket over Reign, giving her enough gap so she can get air “yes I am here” walking around Jay “I am his mother, please! I need to know about my son” Joy and Marquis both barged in “Wade, earn your keep nigga” Shawn said, Wade woke his ass up and got up “keep your fucking mouth shut Wade!” Marquis shouted “look! We are not here for the feud, we want to speak to the next of kin” the room fell awfully silent “and who is that?” Joy said “according to the paperwork it’s Robyn” the doctor said “look, Marquis. Your son has given Robyn the power, I can only go on what he has given. But he has given you power back to you with your hotels that you gave him, that is what happens” Wade said “I don’t want the hotels! I want my son, he is my boy! He has a wife” Marquis said through gritted teeth “why has he given me the hotels back?” Marquis asked Wade “if he does die, he said he has other business ventures his daughter can have” I don’t want to do this right now “those new hotels, the ones that are truly his. I see what he has done” I am trying to be calm “look! I want to know about Maurice, screw your business” I spat, I didn’t want to shout but I have “thank you so he is going through the transfusion and his body is accepting of it, we just need to get the bad blood out. We will monitor him, but he is doing fine” Reign started to cry in my ear “thank you” I said turning around, that is all I want to know.

I need to get my daughter home, I need to settle her and feed her. I will have to leave my heart here while I do this “I am going Shawn, I need to see to my daughter. Please call me if anything, as soon as she is ok I will be back” my dad picked up the car seat, I placed a blanket over the seat so nobody can see her, nobody in that family does “Mom, dad I want you both to stay at the home with her. I will be ok, dad walk ahead of me please” I am so tired so I may fall asleep but I am scared, if I sleep and Maurice is there in my dreams I will probably just die in my sleep. Walking out of the room, it is so awkward doing this. I have their grandchild who I refuse to let see, his parents know but the rest don’t. I do see the worry on their face unlike the rest I don’t know but oh well, glaring over at Kellen being here. What even is his purpose coming, he started so much shit. My mom placed her arm around me as he walked by his family, it’s just so weird how his family work. Walking out of the hospital, I felt like I was in the twilight zone as a few more people in suits walked by me “wonder if this is the end of him?” looking behind me, glaring at the men not knowing if they was speaking about my man or not.

My daughter is drinking me alive, she is loving it. I am just in bed, snuggling Reign to calm her down. She is happy “you just wanted to be home, was you feeling the bad vibes? Because I was” lightly touching the side of her face, she is closing her eyes which is good but I did that and she did wake up once I took her off the nipple. Let’s try this again, I need to burp her though. Lifting Reign up, her head resting on my hand as I pulled my top down “it’s just me” my mom said before walking in, lightly rubbing her back “is she resting well now?” nodding my head “I think she was wanting some snuggles from mommy, she was farting on me at the hospital. She kept giving me concentration face before she farted, nasty ass” my mom smiled as she sat on the edge of the bed “I adore her so much, I honestly keep staring at her like she is real, my beautiful grandbaby” smiling down at Reign “shall we try the baby crib? You can pump then” sighing out “do I have too? My boobs need a rest, maybe the left side I could” a little bit of milk drool fell from her lips.

My eyes shot open “Robyn, you fell asleep pumping” my mom’ hand on my shoulder “oh god, I must have got comfy doing this. Is Reign asleep still?” I asked, my mom nodded her head “I was thinking” thank god my mom stopped the pump, my poor boobs “yes mom” reaching under my top to take off the pump from my breast “was thinking of taking Reign home with us, I just feel like I can take care of her more better. The home is smaller, I am scared I won’t hear her” that felt so good to come off my breast “oh, well mom. That is fine, you can take her, I trust you. Just take what you need with you, I understand” my mom breathed out “I am so glad, I just worry a lot. I think I will be better at our home, she means the world to me so she will be safe” smiling at my mom “it’s ok, Maurice and I both trust you. I just can’t wait to bring him home, I want my husband home” my mom sighed out smiling “I just worry, I don’t want you to be bullied by them people. His family are very rude, I don’t like it” nodding my head “well I don’t have Reign to worry about so I will show them who is boss, I know some of those people are there to see him die. I won’t let that happen” my daughter is safe here so I can just be me and show them who is boss, I won’t be abrupt with them unless they start.

Just wearing Maurice’ oversized hoodie, a bit of red lipstick, some shades. I took some clothing for Maurice because I will be bringing my man back with me, he is coming home with me “Jay” I shouted him, staring down at the keys to Maurice’ cars “yes?” he picked up Maurice’ bag from the floor “you can drive any car right?” I asked him “yes of course, any car I can drive. I am always insured for that” picking out the Rolls Royce keys “good, you’re driving me” holding the key out “oh, what if he don’t want that?” I shrugged “I am here so what can he say” Jay took the key from me “mom, have you taken everything you need” my dad placed Reign on the floor near the door, I know she is sick of that car seat “I have baby yes, we do have a baby crib at the home do don’t worry” crouching down to my baby “everytime I see you, you’re always all awake and staring at me like mom where are you going. The two Ts are going to spoil you so much, then mommy and daddy are going to give you so much love. I need you to be a good girl ok? I miss you” pressing a kiss to her forehead “I miss you already, you mean so much to me” I am sad that she will be away from me, I want her to always be close and I can’t have her close and that hurts.

Sitting in the back of the Rolls Royce, not anyone’s Rolls Royce’ but my man’ Rolls Royce. I just want him back with me, this is killing me inside. I know him and I know he would hate for me to be near that side of his family, I am going to put on my big girl’ panties on and face them. My daughter is safe at home so I can do what I need to do now, I just worry about her and Nalah is right. Why have Reign here, she is not safe just being here at the hospital. Jay opened the car door for me “so this staff parking you just used?” I bought my work pass, I will be using this for my own benefit now “yes, least we space close to the building too. I work here so why not use the perks” Jay laughed “you crazy, I will get the bag for you” fixing my bag on my arm “you know, the people in this hospital want Maurice dead. I don’t know if I can contain myself in the proper manner, the bad vibes in this place is getting to me” Jay walked ahead of me and looked behind at me “not surprising at all, he is high profile. Like random people outside this place, paparazzi. Like in my place of work, you see it all” Jay and I walked slowly towards the entrance “what do you mean?” I questioned “like, those people there. Just stood around, I know for a fact they won’t be regular people, they will have an agenda” I wouldn’t think that at all.

Walking behind Jay as we entered “excuse me, aren’t you Robyn?” I stopped abruptly staring at this guy, a few other people started to gather near me “Robyn Willis? Haven’t you given birth to the heir to the Davenport empire?” my face dropped staring at this man knowing my life “is it true? You have had his child, you are Maurice’ secret lover” Jay pushed the guy out of the way “move! Come, Robyn” Jay got in my view, how do they know me. Who are these people “Robyn, come” turning around putting my head down in shock “I told you, I know them. I have seem them before, they are from blogs and newspaper” shaking my head in shock “how do they know me!?” I spat, Jay stopped walking “someone must have leaked something, I am not sure. Just forget it for now, the main thing is Maurice. We need to see him” I don’t want to be exposed like this, my life.

I do find it hard seeing Maurice’ mom, it’s like she wants to speak to me but I won’t allow it. My eyes fell on the very group of men that was speaking bad on my man, saying if this would kill him off. Glaring at them like they are dirt “Robyn” Damon rushed over to me “let’s speak in the room” I said to him “I have finished now, but I stayed behind to wait on you” placing my bag on the chair, Damon closed the door “Maurice is on his second bag of blood but we had to delay it a little, we had to give him fluids through the IV to prevent the blood pressure from falling too low. The fluids will also help his kidneys get rid of donor red blood cells that his immune system has destroyed. His body seems to want to destroy them but it’s going well, it’s not bad at all” opening my bag “so he is on a drip? Is he breathing on his own?” grabbing my pass “he is, he’s not on a machine at all. He’s not woke up though, but we are watching him every fifteen minutes. Because he has had a transfusion before his body is just fighting it, but we will get there” nodding my head “thank you, walk me to the room Jay. Stay here” I just want to see him.

Placing my badge around my neck, I mean I am not in my uniform but still. I could say it’s an emergency, what can they say “I am going now Robyn, I have already worked twelve hours so I am tired” smiling at Damon “thank you, I do appreciate everything you have done. You didn’t have too and also you could have got in trouble for it. Thank you” Damon waved me off “it’s fine, and I am praying for him. He will be fine” waving at Damon “thank you” pulling the curtain shut a little, I am so glad to see the breathing machine gone but then there is the blood transfusion “Maurice, can you please get your body in gear. I know it’s hard, me and Reign need you and the doctors are fighting to keep you here. You really fucked up with this one” he must be going through pain “hello?” this female moved the curtain back “hi” I am not about to argue, I will cuss her out “I am looking after him throughout the night” she pointed at my badge “erm yeah, I work here. Not my department” she let out an oh “I am Sara” she introduced herself “Robyn, this is actually my partner. I was told to not come, I shouldn’t get in the way but how can I not” Sara pointed at me “I read in the notes, yes I did. You was the one to perform CPR on him? You saved his whole life, oh wow. Ok, well I understand. Just because we have many intensive care people here, we can’t do visitors, it gets stressful. We erm, well it was decided to keep Maurice asleep and not aggravate him to wake up, the fear of him waking up in pain, his body rejecting the blood is never easy. It’s not rejected all of the blood so we are clearing out the cells it killed off. He’s had a transfusion before, it gets difficult every time, we are working on a plan for him when he comes back around, he can’t be like this again. It’s painful for him but also not good for him, I am positive he will be fine, and I can promise you we are taking care of him” you know how good it is to hear such words “I don’t think I will ever forget the moment I had to do that, we just took our daughter home. I am on leave and we just took her home, so it’s pretty stressful” Sara smiled at me “you are very strong, I will leave you to him but just don’t stay here” nodding my head understanding why.

Touching Maurice’ hand “you hear that? You’re going to be ok, I can’t wait to see you awake. So then I can officially be angry with you, my heart can’t rest with you like this so I can’t be angry. Don’t ever invade my dreams like that again, god. You got me all the way fucked up with that, you was dying on me. You ain’t leaving me to this, I am not dealing with your family like this. So you got to wake up, I need to be angry with you” he looks so peaceful my baby, he is looking better so the blood has to be working with him “Reign is missing you, she is rather the diva already. My parents have taken her to their house, I wonder how she will be with them. My parents find our home too big but Reign is wanting her dad, she loves her snuggles. I know she is missing you teaching her Spanish, she knows something is wrong, my daughter is feeling it. I just want us to go home with our baby” that is all I want, I just want to close the doors and spend time with my family.

Slowly walking the lobby to go back into the waiting room, I had to laugh because Kellen is here and I don’t get why “so the purpose of is because?” I am ready to attack somebody so Kellen can be the first “he is my cousin, he near blinded me but we family” I snorted laughing “he didn’t hurt you hard enough if you can still see, you all here for one reason and we all know why, fuck you Kellen. You know you and that raggedy bitch got all the shit to come, this is why you are where you are, second place and you hate that. As soon as your bitch found out you was not the main man she didn’t want to know, heard she was already riding someone else’s big dick cause you and I both know you wasn’t performing well, Tiffany sent me that shit, that is how little! You meant to her, and this how little! You mean to me and my family. And next time you want to try and come between me and my family don’t fucking forget who the fuck will handle the money you use! It will be me, you all can stand here and wait for him to die but the last thing I will do is let any of you get any justice out of it, you can tell your fucking family it all, I do not fucking care. Everything is built on lies with you, the lot of you” hearing Leon’ shout at me “this is why he is where he is, him and his dad are both liars. We’re counting on him to not be back” Leon hugged me “I came as soon as I could” I want to kill him “I feel sorry for you, because he will be here. The next thing he going to do is be knocking on your door, mark my words” I am not playing with him “friend! Hey, come on” looking ahead of me “he called me mistress, the only thing that is a fucking mystery is your son in Germany. You are the pill inside Maurice every time, you play with his mind. That bitch is here for what! We all know what happened, we all know that marriage is dead. Why don’t you tell everyone here the real fucking truth daddy of the year” Leon put his hand over my mouth “you speaking too much” I haven’t even started yet, what is wrong with everyone “get inside now trouble” Jay said yanking me inside.

[whereisthefood123]

And you are...?

A/N: Hey everyone! this was a request made a long time ago by @bianww and seemed very fitting for this year's gajevy day ❤ hope you enjoy it! haha sorry Bian for taking forever to do it! As usual huge shout out to @ranunculusfox for beta reading this! thank you dear!

Modern AU

Request: Gajevy blind date

Word count: 3.7k

FFnet

Gajeel hated his current situation. More so, he hated Natsu the most. It wasn't enough that his pink haired cousin decided to finally propose to his girlfriend, but Natsu had gone full groomzilla mode, much to everyone's surprise and dismay, bugging all his cousins to have someone decent as their partners for the wedding.

And of course, the only one fucked by that demand was Gajeel.

Sting and Rogue had their respective partners for a long time now. Everyone was surprised that Natsu jumped the boat first than them but no one was really pressuring the two brothers as they were the younger from the cousins after Wendy. Laxus dared to make a joke that he was going to take one or two of his one night stands to the wedding for fun. Natsu about chewed his head off until he promised he would take Mira, his oldest friend. Then there was Wendy but she could have avoided the bullet as she's the favorite out of all the cousins. Nonetheless, she pleased Natsu by telling him she would take Romeo to the wedding. The poor boy swore on his life that he had no ill intentions with Wendy and that he would be the best gentleman he could be after all the cousins rounded on him one afternoon after classes. And finally, Cobra had surprised everyone when he revealed he had been dating this nice girl for about 3 years already and that he would take her to the wedding.

So, all the cousins were set with their partners but Gajeel. He tried to escape Natsu's wrath by saying Lily would go with him but the groom-to-be had already gotten the confirmation from Lily that he would go to the wedding with a plus one.

Fucking traitor.

So, to ease Natsu, because he was honestly driving everyone crazy at the home and at work, Gajeel agreed to the stupidest shit he had ever done in his life.

A blind date.

The fuckard didn't even show him a picture of the girl he was supposed to meet in 10 min at the coffee shop. He said something about Gajeel being too eager to judge people based on their looks. Da fuck. He didn't judge others, Gajeel was just really good at reading people. It was a gift when it came to dealing with stupid customers at the mechanic shop, but truthfully, it had made Gajeel more wary when dating someone.

Too prude.

Too crazy.

She'll call the cops once she sees me.

Gajeel knew he was just using any excuse to avoid dating, but who could blame him. It was just so boresome to pretend you're interested in someone you just met, and the stupid relationship drama seem greatly unappealing to him.

But now, there was no escape for him. Natsu had set this date up and the girl would be waiting for him at the coffee shop. And even when Gajeel was an asshole, he wasn't the type to stand up a girl on a date.

No, he had manners. He would order his coffee to go and approach the girl at the table. If she even asked about his cup, he would brush it off saying that the barista fucked up his order. He would then give the date 10 min or so, so it wouldn't be too obvious when his alarm would go off and he will pick his phone up pretending that it was an important call from work. If she made a scene it would be more than obvious that the girl was not for him. Who the fuck would make a scene after someone tells you they have an emergency at work, right? Either way, Gajeel would go out the door to never see the girl again.

He would still need a plan to ease Natsu's wrath, but he was dealing with one step at a time.

Gajeel entered the coffee shop and went straight to the counter to order his black coffee to go. As he waited, he tried to remember the little details Natsu had revealed about the girl he was supposed to meet.

"Her hair is a unique color."

"She's short."

"I think she likes books."

Natsu wasn't the most brilliant person when describing other people. Mavis bless the woman that had agreed to marry his idiot cousin. Besides, he did mention that this girl was a friend of a friend, so he might had gotten some of the details wrong or forgotten other ones.

Gajeel sighed. He just hoped there were not a lot of girls sitting by themselves, so he wouldn't made a fool of himself multiple times. Or get kicked out of the coffee shop by the police for acting like a creep. Not like it hadn't happened before.

Gajeel looked around the coffee shop and spotted a group of friends sitting at a table to his right, some other customers were seated at the counter next to the window. He saw a girl with hair a less ridiculous shade of pink than Natsu's and scoffed thinking that it might be getting popular to dye your hair pink. She was by herself but didn't really looked like she was short or that she was waiting on anyone, so he decided to let her be. He kept surveying around until his eyes landed on the far-left corner of the shop.

By the window, a girl sat curled in one of the love seats, enjoying the sun rays that filtered through the crystal framing her heart shaped face and kissed her pearly skin. On the coffee table in front of her lay a pile of books and a grey mug with pink lipstick on the rim of the cup that matched the one on her plump lips. Her hazel eyes trailed over the words on the book she held close to her and Gajeel swore he saw an infinite number of emotions dance behind those beautiful orbs. She flipped to the next page and fixed one sky-blue strand of her curly hair that had escaped her yellow bandanna behind her ear. She bit her bottom lip and a tiny smile tilted the corner of her mouth. She was gorgeous and Gajeel forgot how to breathe or think. His mind was completely consumed by the blue haired woman and he wondered if maybe he was so fucking lucky that she might be his date.

Something stirred in his gut. Gajeel started feeling embarrassed and so fucking nervous. This is why he never liked dating, because he would more often than not be stupidly rude to the girl or make a fool of himself. He swallowed hard and played with the coins in his pocket.

As she bit her lip again, Gajeel groaned inwardly. He wondered how those lips would taste, he wondered how beautifully she would moan as he would lavish those plump lips of her as his hands would roam over her curves-

"Here's your order sir. Black coffee to go." Gajeel was startled out of his daydream by the barista who not so subtly snickered at the obvious blush on the man's face.

"Thanks," Gajeel grumbled quietly and his gaze returned to the blue haired woman. She matched all the vague descriptions that Natsu had given him and for Mavis Gajeel really wished that she was the girl set up in a date with him. She was by herself too and the empty love seat across the coffee table from her was the only indication that she might be waiting on someone.

Gajeel found himself moving to stand next to her before he even had anything in mind to say to introduce himself without looking like a creep. Nonetheless, she didn't seem to notice him as she continued with her book. Gajeel shifted on his feet and cleared his throat loudly to catch her attention. She blinked rapidly like a spell had been lifted from her and then she noticed for the first time the tall broad man that stood next to her.

Her eyes widened as she tilted her head as far back as she could to see the man's face. How freaking tall is this guy?!

Gajeel sure expected the woman to freak out or at least get startled once her eyes reached his face. With his red eyes, his unruly black hair that he had tried to tame for today's date and all the piercings that adorned his face, he was sure fear would cross through those hazel eyes that hid no emotion to the spectator. He braced himself for the high-pitched shrill that would surely escape from her, but when her eyes met his she remained silent, her mouth forming a small "o" that lacked all the fear he was expecting and displayed all the surprise of a small kid that had discovered something new and intriguing. There was no fear in her eyes either. She seemed surprisingly... curious.

That was definitely a first for Gajeel as he tried to hold his gaze on hers, feeling like he wanted to shrink on himself at her curious scrutiny. Her hazel eyes seemed to bore into his soul and Gajeel had never felt so bare to anyone else in his life than to this woman. She was intriguing to say the least and all this silence was driving Gajeel mad. So, he blurted the first words that crossed his mind.

"Quit with the staring, Shortstuff." Ah, it seemed that today was the stupidly rude attitude on Gajeel's part and he wanted to slap himself as the woman almost flinched from his gruff voice. But then…

"I'm not that short you know!" She stood up and he realized that she was indeed quite short. But he found her to be more adorable then. She got into Gajeel's space and he took a step back from the intimidating woman that blazed like sunfire. Her blue curls bounced when she lifted her chin high up and poked him in the chest. "You just happen to be stupidly tall!"

Her eyes shone with a raging fire he had never encountered before and Gajeel wanted nothing more than to kiss her in that moment. She was definitely feisty and didn't care at all about Gajeel's intimidating looks as she stood her ground, crossing her arms over her chest to make herself bigger. And Mavis, she had become the biggest thing in Gajeel's mind in that moment.

So, her height was a sensitive topic for her, eh? Gajeel stood up straighter then, puffing out his chest and he adored how a blush that had nothing to do with her anger dusted her cheeks. But as she "hmpf" and lifted her chin higher as if grasping at every single inch of height she could Gajeel couldn't help but laugh. Loudly.

"Gihihihi!" He clutched his sides as he bent over from laughter. His coffee had been abandoned at the coffee table as a precaution to not spill it all over himself as he roared with his laughter and his body shook in amusement. The other customers turned to look at the scene of a pouting blue-haired woman and a tough guy laughing like a maniac. Some curious glances lingered longer on them, but the couple didn't seem to care at all.

Gajeel took a deep breath, trying to reign control on his mirth. Geez, how long had it been since he had laughed this way? The girl tried to grasp at her anger a little bit more, but the weird laugh of this guy was oddly contagious that she couldn't help the small smile that betrayed her fury.

Gajeel wiped away the tears at the corner of his eye and chuckled one last time before his gaze returned to the girl. She huffed, pretending to be annoyed again but having some trouble to keep mad at this stranger.

"You're mean, you know?" The mirth that hid at the corner of her eyes told him it was not an insult thrown his way.

"Heh, I've been called worse." He shrugged, and a tiny almost invisible smile tilted his lips. She caught it before it was gone and spiked her intrigue even more. "Is this seat taken?" Gajeel pointed to the empty love seat across her and swallowed hard, hoping she wouldn't notice the eager note in his voice.

"Uhm, actually." She bit her lip and her brows creased in apology, "I'm waiting on someone, sorry."

"Ah." Gajeel hid his hurt by sipping on his coffee. Somehow, the bitter taste of the beverage tasted sweet compared to the feeling that settled heavy on his tongue. "That's alright. I'm actually looking for someone. Stupid as it is, I'm here on a blind date."

Gajeel was never one to talk much, and less to people he had just met, but the words almost blurted out of his mouth before his mind could registered it happening. Her eyes widened in response and she chuckled as her gaze softened on him. "A blind date, eh? Me too. I-I'm waiting on the guy now."

"Ah." Hope bloomed in his rib cage leaving him lightheaded. For once Natsu had done something right in his goddamn life. "My idiot cousin wouldn't show me a pic of the girl, but you fit the description he gave me. Short, unique hair and book lover." He looked over the table and just noticed the additional pile of books that were underneath it. Holy shit, this girl really likes to read!

Her gaze hardened, and she was about to chew him off for mocking her height again when recognition flashed over her eyes. "Wait." She drew back and looked him over once again, the gears in her mind connecting the dots. "My friend didn't show me a photo of the guy either." A soft smile settled on her lips and she visibly relaxed. "I'm guessing you're the tall, vibrant-eyes, peculiar-face guy then?"

"Peculiar face?" He quirked a pierced eyebrow. The fuck was that kinda description?

"Well, not everyone has their face heavily pierced like you." Gajeel felt self-conscious then. Did she not like his piercings? "But," she continued, "I think they suit you just fine." And then she smiled at him and Gajeel swore to kiss Natsu's feet for arranging this date with the most gorgeous woman in this whole damn universe.

He let go of a breath he didn't notice he was holding and pointed to the empty seat again. "So?" She giggled and nodded her head for him to take the seat. Gajeel had never heard a laugh so beautiful and sweet and something deep within him wanted to hear that laugh for the rest of his life.

"I'm Levy, by the way."

Levy. The name tasted sweet as he repeated it in his mind.

"Ah. Gajeel." He smirked.

She extended her hand and he wrapped his around hers, marveling at the size difference. Her skin was so soft in his calloused touch. She was so delicate and beautiful that he had the strongest urge to protect her, to wrap her in his arms and horde her away from the world so no one could harm her. And yet, she was a force to be reckoned, a little spitfire with a quick tongue and blazing eyes. She was an enigma to him and Gajeel wanted to spend his life figuring her out.

As he took his seat he wondered if there had been any other moment in his life where he had felt such peace. It was so strange. Less than 30 minutes ago he had been dreading this date and now he felt like his life had suddenly shifted. It was stupid to think that after talking with this tiny woman for 10 minutes his life had brightened, but there was no other way Gajeel could wrap his head around this odd but pleasing feeling. He wanted to know her more, to make her happy.

"So Gajeel, you-" A shrill interrupted her question. Gajeel cursed under his breath for forgetting his phone alarm that was going to get him out of this date. He wanted nothing more that stay as long as he could. He quickly took out his phone and dismissed the alarm.

"Sorry, I-"

"Work emergency?" she questioned and something sad pulled at the corner of her eyes.

"What? No! No," he corrected quickly, panicking over upsetting Levy. "I just fucked up with my alarms that's all."

Her eyes narrowed in disbelief but settled back into her seat as she shrugged. "It was a solid plan though."

"Uh?"

"Well, the coffee to go and then the alarm? You were planning on ditching the date, right?" His red eyes widened in shock. Is this girl psychic?!

She giggled at his shocked expression and continued, "I'm not sure why, but you don't come off like the type of guy who dates a lot." She gave him a sheepish smile. "I usually do something similar but use the family emergency card instead." She giggled again.

"Heh? Is that so?" He smiled softly at her and enjoyed how she blushed at the gesture. "So shortstuff, is there going to be a family emergency today?"

Her gaze darkened at the nickname and he enjoyed how easily it was to push her buttons. Then she smiled and tucked her legs under her. "I don't think so. And you?" There was a hopeful note in her voice and tension settled subtly on her shoulders as the question hung between them.

"Not a chance." He smirked, and his red eyes shone with emotions he was trying to figure out. The smile she gave him in return was dazzling and Gajeel looked aside to cover the blush that spread over his face. "Uhm, I'm gonna grab a muffin or something cuz I'm starving. Want something?"

"A black coffee would be nice, thank you."

He grunted in response as he stood up to order his food and her coffee. As he waited in line he sneaked a glance at Levy. She was in the same position as he saw her before introducing himself. The light framed her breathtaking features as her hazel gaze got lost in the pages of her book. Gajeel felt his insides flutter in an indescribable way that had him almost clenching his hand over his heart at the rapid beating in his chest. She made him feel so much and he felt a tad bit uncomfortable with such strange reactions he was getting from his body, but he welcomed all these feelings, because something about her made him feel whole, made him feel at peace and Mavis he had never felt this way with anyone before.

As Levy felt Gajeel's gaze on her, her eyes sought for him at the line by the counter. When she met his red irises, she smiled sweetly. He returned it with his own gentle smile. When he turned back to pay for their order, Levy took out her phone and quickly sent a text to Mira.

Thank you so much for this. He's great! ❤  talk to you later!

She put away her phone and missed Mira's reply.

! You got this Levy! Tell me all the juicy details later~

Bickslow hurriedly entered the coffee shop. He was beyond fucked! He was incredibly late to the stupid blind date Mira had set for him. He just hoped that Mira's friend was still there and that she wouldn't be pissed at him for being so late.

He checked his phone and started looking around for the blue haired girl that was supposed to be his date. Laughter caught his attention and he saw the girl he was looking for at the far left of the coffee shop. There he found the Mira's friend, but she seemed to be having a really good time with the black haired man sitting in front of her. His date seemed to have gotten herself her own date and she was enjoying it to the fullest.

Bickslow smiled. He was fine with that but just worried about Mira's rage for ruining her matchmaking plan. Well, she wouldn't be so mad if he got her some new gossip, right?

He took out his cellphone and took a quick picture of the couple. He looked at it and he had to admit that they looked really cute and happy together. The girl was smiling a mile a minute and the guy had that soft look you only get to see a handful of time.

Bickslow wrote a text to Mira and sent the picture with it.

I just arrived at the coffee shop but seems that your baby blue already got herself her man.

He put away his phone and ordered a sandwich. As he looked for a place to sit, he spotted a girl with pink hair over the counter by the window and luckily for him the seat next to her was empty. He tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention and she took off her headphones and turned her gaze to the man.

"Hey darling, is this seat taken?"

She turned her eyes to the black-haired man that roared in laughter at something the blue-haired girl just said. Her eyes softened and looked back at Bickslow, shaking her head no. "Not anymore, go ahead." She smiled sweetly and Bickslow returned the gesture with a grin.

"Heh, just my luck that my date got herself someone else." He laughed starting a random conversation with the pink-haired girl who giggled in return.

"Same happened to me actually." She turned to look at the couple at the far left before giggling again.

"Really? You and that guy?" He quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Blind date set up by some friends. But they warned me he didn't know what I looked like."

"Heh! Lots of coincidence then. Baby blue over there was supposed to be my blind date too." He laughed. This girl was very easy to get along with and she had such a nice vibe to her that Bickslow wondered if they had indeed been very lucky to mix up the set-up dates.

"I'm Meredy." She extended her hand and he gladly took it.

"Bickslow." He said between bites of his sandwich.

A/N: Thank you everyone for reading! Please let me know your thoughts on this ❤  it was really fun and cute to write it :D I still got some WIPs from fallfest and the last chapter for Posibilidad but now I'm done with uni for the meantime so I can focus a bit more on writing :D

[bruhnushka]

missed opportunity - (Thomas Jefferson x reader x Alexander Hamilton)

summary : Alex fucks up his one chance with you and you run into the arms of his v attractive nemesis.

warnings - mentions of sex, implied smut, cussing, lots of angst, anxiety related things, and Alex/Thomas being dumbasses

pronouns : she/her

a/n - I’m distractin myself from being unable to write the third part of the bus fic !!!!1!1!! also I love angst way too much. I’m in a relationship. this is unhealthy.

a/n pt. 2 - anyways this is after i wrote this- this had been in my drafts for three weeks ugh. im not making a part two to this. chaptered fics give me anxiety. the third fic of the bus fic is going to be the last one. sorry guys, im choosing my mental health over my fics. :/

you sipped the lemonade-cranberry concoction you had made and watched your best friend from the distance. he had invited you to this party as his ‘date’. in his words, “not like a date-date but like a date.” when he looks at your confused glare, he cleared his throat, let out an exasperated sigh, and explained.

“I can’t go alone to the ball, otherwise Jefferson will never let me hear the end of it. I procrastinated asking someone out so you’re my last choice- I just need you to come and be my…” his hand fluttered in the air as he searched for a word.

“arm candy?” you supplied, laughing.

“yes! I mean no! I just need you to come! please!” he begged, and got down to his knees as he shook your legs.

“I’ll owe you twenty favors!” he cries. you raised an eyebrow. your friendship was based on favors. not like that, but because trust was important between you two, and that if he says he owed you a favor, you were free to call upon it for anything, at anytime. his best friends funeral? too bad, gotta unclog my toilet. obviously you weren’t that cruel, but you did embarrass him. once, you had made him walk around in a Harley Quinn-esque crop top that read “daddy’s girl” when he owed you a favor for bringing him INDIAN takeout.

“know what your getting into hamilton” you laughed, and got up to go change, since the party was in two hours.

You walk down the stairs, on your phone, not noticing Alex’s jaw drop. you wore a simple black dress that cut off at your knees and had a gorgeous lace pattern behind. small blue jewels encrusted the edges of the lace trimming. your makeup, again, simple but elegant. a basic navy smokey eye with a dark blue eyeliner and dark purple lipstick was just enough to an accent to set everything off. god, you looked so beautiful right now, he could just kiss you right now.

“you look… amazing.” alex finally got out.

“huh?” you looked up from your phone, and it was your turn to gasp. he was wearing a very fitted suit, accentuating his body, and a little dark blue accent on each piece of clothing.

“so… we matched?” you laugh. he chuckles nervously. “hey, you look great.” you linked his arm into yours and grabbed your clutch, slipping into your heels.

“let’s do this thing.”

now back to your dilemma. you knew it would be a boring night, but you didn’t know it would be this kind of boring. you had promised to stay sober, but watching Alex flirt with every other person here was making it hard. you felt a pressure on the other side of the velvet couch and turned. Thomas Jefferson, the man Alex hated more than anything, sat next to you. a bitter taste filled your mouth. he had never met you before, but that didn’t stop your dislike for him and his antics.

“where’s your date?” he asked, amused at your scowl.

“still here.” you said. you couldn’t have made your plea for him to leave more clearer, but that only made him want to stay more.

“but not enchanting a beautiful lady such as yourself. I assume, if there really is a date, that he ran to the bathroom in fear of embarrassing himself in front of someone as stunning as you.” your anger didn’t help the slight blush that started to creep up your cheeks. you thanked GOD for this green lighting that made it hard to notice. but nevertheless, a smirk played on Thomas’ lips.

“may I know your name?” he asks smugly, scooting closer to you. you roll your eyes.

“ok, I like the mysterious kind of hard to get thing youre doing here.” he laughs, and that’s when you get up.

“ok listen” you spit, “no means no. I am not in a mood to be hit on by some guy while I watch the LOVE of my goddamn life basically fuck another girl on the counter.” you were seething, referring to when Alex started to make out with someone, Maria you think, in the corner. you couldnt slut shame her- she was just into a very attractive person, just like you were.

Thomas’ gaze softened. he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as he peered at his shoes.

“I-uh- im sorry.” he mumbles. your eyebrows raise in surprise.

“are you now?” you ask, your turn to be amused. he looks up at you, regaining his usual composure.

“how about I make it up to you with a drink? you can forget about him for as long as I’m with you.” he smiles, and grabs your hand. you glance over to Alex, his lips still attached to some girl, this time someone else. your shrug, maybe it would be good to forget about Alex for a little bit.

“let’s head out of here.”

plot twist. Thomas Jefferson wasn’t that bad of a fuck boy. sure, he was flirty, and sure, he knew his way around words, but when you labeled it as part of his charm and started to notice other things about him (e.g: his smile when you made a joke, the nervous ticks like running his hand through his hair or bouncing his knee, his favorite drink being fancy old whiskey you couldn’t pronounce, and the fact that he had five dogs), he wasn’t that bad. but as the drinks poured in and the night went on, he went from not that bad to hot as hell.

so when he leaned in to plant a kiss on your cheek, you pulled his lips to yours and started to make out with him. none of you ‘immediately sobered up’, but you did find yourself thinking clearly. or feeling clearly was a batter word. everything about him was made more aware. his stubble, his lips, his skin.

that’s when Alex walked in. to be fair, you weren’t that drunk. but you were drunk enough to consider Thomas as a viable fuck option. but Alex had to come and fuck everything up. he had seen you two leave the venue, but when you hadn’t picked up your phone, he got suspicious. he knew you were both lazy as hell so searched the nearest bars and finally came upon this one, where the first things you could notice as you walked in would be the pair of people making out at the bar.

“y/n!” Alex angrily yelled. you pulled back and looked at alex, the grin plastered on your face replaced with a frown.

“you left! I got scared! you weren’t answering your texts!” he started to scream at you. Thomas rubbed his head as he slowly started to peace things together.

“wait… this is your date? the guy you’re in-” you put your hand over his mouth and he shut up.

“come on. we’re leaving.” Alex said, glaring at Thomas as he dragged your hand.

“but I was having so much funnnnn” you whined. Alex laughed dryly, roughly grabbing your arm and pulling you out of the bar. he shoved you into the car, muttering under his breath. he closed the door quickly and stood outside of the car door. he ran his hand through his hair. 

“fuck.” he whispered. the image of your lips on jefferson’s was burned into his mind. “FUCK!” he yelled at no one in particular. he took a deep breath, and sat in the front seat. he fixed the mirror and looked directly at you. 

“how drunk are you?” he asked you, as he started up the car and began to drive. you looked him dead in the eye and started to laugh. 

“not that much, actually” you chuckle out. “wow, jefferson kisses great, even half-drunk” you were amused. you didn’t notice the deathly grip alex had on the steering wheel, his jaw clenched, his eyes on the road. soon, you pulled up to his house. before you could even enter the house, you were pushed up against the door. 

“do you know how much it fucked me up?” he growls against your neck. a deep kiss on your neck made you shiver and moan in pleasure. desperate, sloppy kisses started to line your collarbone. another moan escapes your lips, until you realize who it is and why he’s doing it. you push him off your body and force your eyes to his. 

“alex… i-” you start, but were cut off by his words. 

“shit! shit-” he rambles, running his hand through his hair and pacing in circles. 

you place a hand on his chest gently. “Alex, just stop, listen.” he looks up at you. 

“god knows I’ve wanted this. I’ve wanted this for so long but i will not” you glare at him pointedly, “be used as leverage for this pissing contest you have between jefferson.” 

he looks at you, his mouth agape. fire raged behind his eyes. “thats not at all-” you cut him off again.  “no- no i don’t want to fucking hear it. im leaving- this is too much.” “you’re drunk.” he stated.

“im not, but whats your point?” 

“you need a ride. i-ill drive you.” 

“what? after all of this?” you laugh. 

“i just need to make sure you get home safe. ill call john- anyone- i just don’t want you going home with a stranger.” he begs, making you roll your eyes. 

“sure, fine, whatever. call laf. i trust him” you waved it away and walked into the kitchen. it was an awkward silence, waiting for Lafeyette. Alex went upstairs to his roo, muttering a ‘goodnight’. you walked around the downstairs floor. lots of memories brimmed at your minds edges, threatening to form tears. alex, of all people? you knew he was career-obsessed, but this was a goddamn low blow. a text from laf brought you out of your thoughts. you texted him a quick ok and walked outside. lafayette’s car stood there, and a solemn-looking french boy stood in front of it. 

“we need to talk.” was all he said, and led you into the car. 

“is this about alex? did he ask you to talk to me?” you asked, once you were inside the car. 

“what? no . um. theres something i need to tell you.” he says, his accent thick. you knew it was only like this when he was nervous. his finger tapped against the steering wheel, and his knee bounced up and down. 

“what is it?” you looked at him. he takes a deep breath. 

“im moving back to france. my ma- she’s- she’s not well.” he breathes out. you look at him. 

“laf- im so sorry.” you mutter out as a response. he starts to ramble on his french banging his steering wheel. you could only piece a few words from your limited french together but you knew enough to know that laf was not ok. 

“lafayette!” you called out. he looked at you and took a deep breath. “i need to do something before i leave.” and he started to lean in. you thought he was going to kiss you, and your breath hitched in his throat. instead, he reached into the compartment and pulled out a picture of hercules. 

“tell that godamn man that i am in love with him, ok?” you looked at him, confused. they were dating, everyone knew it. 

“I don’t understand?” “im not coming back dammit! Je ne sais pas quoi faire. J'aime ma mère, mais je ne sais pas quoi faire. Je devrais vous laisser, mes meilleurs amis. Je t'aime tous aussi! I have a wife i left! a family i ran away from! i cant just come back! Im leaving y/n- fuck!” he yells, frustrated. you’ve reached your house at this point, crying out before stumbling out of the car. this was all so much. you ran to your room, crying into the pillows. then you got a text. 

unknown number

hey, its thomas, just checking up to see if you’re ok. james gave me your number, alex dragged you off and i was a bit scared since he seemed mad. text me if you get this so i know youre ok! - t.jeff 

you were tired, emotionally unstable, in denial. so maybe thats why you called him over. it started off with you spilling everything to him, ended in rough, angry, heated sex. maybe then you should have just left it at that. but you didn’t. he came back the next week then the week after that, then daily. alex began to notice the marks on his neck in the exact shape of those lips he had spent so long studying. you began to notice laf’s absence left a bigger dent in his life then he’d ever want to admit. you didn’t ever like him, oh god no, not like that. he was a brother to you when he first came to America. you were both immigrants to new york in one way or another, and you two formed a bond. with  him you met alex, and with him you fell in love with alex. he was your support through all things alex-related, and now when you needed him most, he was just gone. 

you had tried lafayette’s number for the eight time that day. im sorry, but the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected. 

you knew this. you just didn’t want to admit it to yourself. his words burned into your mind. i cant just come back! Im leaving y/n! you were trying so hard to pretend that you were ok. thomas helped. a lot. what was originally a one night stand ended up becoming a relationship of sorts. it was complicated, messy, but it worked enough that you felt safe around him. he had convinced you to go and try to to talk to alexander. at first you were surprised, thinking he’d encourage the discourse between you two. 

“i’m just sayin’ , whenever you get all worked up and angry at me, its usually about him.” he says, shrugging. 

“well, thomas,” you glared pointedly at him “maybe sometimes you act dumb.”

he laughed, “just give him a chance. I don’t like seein’ my darlin’ angry. if he fucks up, ill always beat him up for ya.” 

you rolled your eyes, eventually agreeing. which led you here, in front of alexander’s door. no matter what, you told yourself, you were not to remember how you used to feel about him. you sighed. used to, was the key word. you had thrown away every piece of love you had for him, mostly because you were dating thomas now. he didn’t even do anything that bad, sometimes you would reason. but you were stubborn, and you didn’t want to admit defeat. you brought your hand to door, but it swung open before your knuckles reached the wood. 

“y/n” he breathed out. god, he looked bad. bags under his red eyes, hair an unkempt mess. a oversized hoodie was thrown over shoulders. his pants looked three weeks old. you shook your head. 

“alexander, wear some damn deodorant” you laughed. for that moment, it was like the before. your head tiled back, alex’s eyes crinkled in joy. but then the laughter died down, and the aftermath of you leaving him downed on the both of you. the silence in the air hung around you. thick in its wake, alex’s lips opened up. 

“im sorry.” was all he had to say, and tears from both of you started to spill. he fell into your arms, muttering ‘im sorry’ repeatedly. you were happy and sad, but then you remembered what Alex had done. you slowly shrugged him off your body. 

“listen-” you started, but Alex cut you off. 

“no you listen! ok, i know, how it may have seemed. I was not using for that so-called pissing contest. i was jealous. you, the woman i have been in love with for almost three years, almost hooked up with a man that i would kill if the opportunity arrived, without question.” he says, and brings his hand up to your cheek. 

“what?” your eyes widened. they started to drift downwards, towards his lips, but you stopped yourself. for so long, you had wished to kiss him. and now the one chance you had, you fucked up. thomas was waiting for you at home, what would he say? you couldn’t do this. 

“i-im sorry too. i have to go.” you ran towards the uber, and slammed the car door shut, you drove to the nearest exit, and stepped out. you muttered a quiet thanks and leftit was a deserted gas station, perfect. and you started scream. crying, you slammed your fist unto the nearest pole, feeling pain prickle up your knuckles. you ran around, pushing everything in your midst. all your rage flew into the broken shards and splinters in front of you, and into the screams you let out. you broke down there, crying for about half an hour before a car pulled up. though puffy red eyes, you saw a worried thomas step out of the car. in his hand he held his phone, and rushed towards you. 

“baby? are you ok? god, who did this?” he looked at your bloodied knuckles. love had made you crazy, you though to yourself, who would do this to themselves? thomas kissed your forehead and brought you into his car. 

“ho-w did yo-ou find m-me?” you sniffle. he laughs and rubs your shoulder in comfort. 

“find my iPhone baby.” he says softly. “i got scared when you didn’t pick up. i used find my iPhone and there you were. i got scared.” he repeated. you nodded at him. 

“do you wanna tell me what happened?” he asks gently, letting you take your time. you shake your head. he nods. 

“okay, can you at least answer one thing for me? can you do that darlin?” 

you nod slowly. 

“did alex hurt you in any form or wa-” “oh! oh god no! i- i just got really angry.” 

“why?”

“i don’t know, not really. i come back to let alex apologize and instead he confesses that he’s been in love with me this whole time but im with you now and i don’t know-” you let out a sob. thomas’ eyebrows furrow. he carefully speaks the next words, already knowing the answer and knowing it would hurt both of you. 

“do you- do you still love him?” he whispers. when you look up at him, eyes shining with vulnerability, thats all he needed to know. he looks away, and focus on the road. he didn’t need to deal with this. he dropped you off at your apartment and let you rest. tomorrow would be a whole different thing. 

[bi-rezi]

LONG below cut, just cosplay thoughts, nothing beyond lists of what i’d need for certain characters and some rambling

the reason for all this is that the friend who went with me to geek kon last year asked if i wanted to go this year. i told them maybe because on the one hand it was super fun but on the other hand i have a job now, so we’ll see. any amount of this may or may not pan out.

for jasprose:

white wig

white face paint

fur? (just for cheeks)

white cat ears

purple/pink headband

long-sleeved white tunic (with purple/pink trim and puff sleeves)

white leggins with pink/purple trim

pink/purple socks

white shoes with pink/purple trim

the fucking, neckpiece thing

pink/purple party hat

fangs (opt.)

pink/purple contacts (opt.) (ONE EYE OF EACH WOULD BE SICK AS FUCK)

for davepeta:

so much god. probably not worth it, sadly.

for karkat:

new, better wig

loose plain black shirt (to add symbol)

plain gray pants - do i already have these?

teeth (opt.)

gray/red contacts (opt.)

ears (opt.)

for dave:

wig (throwback to when i had dave hair haha)

shirt

red contacts (opt.)

for rose:

new, better wig

white/lavendar pencil skirt

purple contacts (opt.)

for dead aradia:

wig maybe

horns - wire, tinfoil, yarn, paint

black t-shirt - cut up sleeves + slit in bottom hem

long gray skirt - cut up

red and white socks

black vans w/ white laces (opt.)

white mesh contacts (opt.)

ears (opt.)

for kanaya:

wig maybe

black t shirt

red skirt - make?

white face paint (opt.)

green lipstick (opt.)

purple sash with green stain (if white face paint) (opt.)

gray/green contacts (opt.)

ears (opt.)

for roxy:

wig

shirt

skirt

legwarmers

scarf (opt.)

pink contacts (opt.)

for dirk:

wig (and id have to style it, ugh)

shirt

glasses - probably part thrift, part make, though it depends on what kind of stuff i can find

i have a broken styrofoam head so its a pipe dream of mine that i sculpt that with clay into a semi-realistic severed head and then either carry it around as dirk with the sendificator over my head or as jake and kiss it occasionally, but i have a lot of different feelings over the latter lately so probably i’d do the former. either way, that’d be a lot of work.

for sollux:

wig (hopefully not same wig as karkat/kanaya/anyone else)

horns

shirt

gray pants

a pair of white shoes and a pair of black shoes (which is annoying as fuck BUT i could use the black shoes for aradia w the white shoes’s laces and vice versa for roxy so id be able to use them for other stuff. plus vans-type shoes are cheap)

red and blue glasses (probably make somehow??)

red/blue contacts (opt.)

teeth (opt.)

ears (opt.)

nepeta’d be cool but a pretty particular (purrticular) type of person (nepeta stans, basically, and i’m not one of those) tends to cosplay her so ill pass

for terezi:

wig

horns

shirt

glasses - make somehow

red shoes

red contacts (opt.)

teeth (opt.)

ears (opt.)

for vriska (pre loss of eye and arm because that shits hard):

wig

horns

shirt

gray overshirt

glasses

red shoes (preferably something that looks like converse but i could just use the same shoes for her and terezi)

i dont actually remember if i have good blue lipstick or not. i know i have shitty blue lipstick that basically doesnt have pigment but im not sure about good blue lipstick. in any case i know tricks for that but hm. not sure.

blue/gray contacts (opt.)

fangs (opt.)

ears (opt.)

equius... im just not really interested. i once thought about doing eridan but i dont like him anymore so nah. feferi... would be cool, but i think the skirt would be a little beyond my knowledge of sewing. i could do jane or jade but frankly i find them harder to emulate as a cosplayer and i could do john, jake, or dirk, but i just dont wanna.

for meenah:

braids - i wont make the mistake of trying to make them out of real fake hair again, i promise you that, i still have two seven-foot chunks of loose hair in the basement that im not doing anything with

trident - i literally have all the materials for this i just havent made it

glasses - make somehow/thrift a pair

shirt - the one i used to have is ruined (i know canonically she wears a t shirt but for some reason everyone cosplays her in a crop top, including me.) (i fucked up my shirt by not knowing how to work the printing stuff i got, like, the night before the con.)

tank top (depending on whether my current one fits me still)

horns - the ones i have are pretty much beyond fixing now so i’d have to start over. that’s fine though, i have plenty of materials.

teeth (opt.)

mesh contacts (opt.)

ear fins - i have these but i could stand to paint them pink since atm theyre purple, but otherwise theyre pretty close to perfect as is.

universal items i’ll probably need no matter what:

black and white t shirts (thats pretty much everyone)

screenprinting paper for dark or light shirts, depending on who i do

i have paint but having more wouldn’t hurt, and i might want/need white paint as well

fangs/teeth - for these i’d like to buy nice scarecrow fangs and use those and then maybe make some shitty mouthfuls of teeth with fake nails and that melty plastic shit

wigs - i’m willing to shell out a bit more for these as well. i’d like a nice short black one for karkat, kanaya, and if i ever decide to do jane, john, or jake, and though i have a long black wig it sucks pretty hard and i need a better one, probably curly, with bangs. though straight would be okay for most of these anyway. the only person who needs a medium length wig is terezi, and that’s actually pretty much true for all of hs, which is... too bad.

horns - i have a few pairs of horns already and PLENTY of clay to make more, but for bigger horns i’d need more than model magic. for aradia (and probably eridan and mmmaybe equius though im not doing either of them) and maybe vriska and kanaya (just to make those joints easier) id use the wire, tinfoil, and yarn method, but anything smaller than that i can use my clay. i already have peixes and vantas horns, though the peixes horns are broken and are resisting being fixed and the vantas horns don’t attach very well. i also have leijon horns in the works as well that were originally for davepeta. but id use clay to make vantas, captor, leijon, maybe maryam, pyrope, and maybe equius horns, and i used it for my peixes horns (though i didnt attach them well to the headband so those didnt go great).

contacts - i have actual regular contacts now, so now i wont have to worry about being blind ever. the next step is to get cosplay lenses (yes i know safe sites to get them from, yes i know my prescription and what size to get, yes i know how to be safe buying contacts). the best investement for sure would be a gray pair and a mesh pair, just speaking in terms of sheer number of characters. beyond that, it depends on who i end up cosplaying as to what color lenses i buy. for instance, if i decide on aradia, meenah, and dave, white and red lenses make the most sense. if i decide on rose, jasprose, and karkat, purple and gray ones make the most sense.

for any glasses, i’m going to be looking at thrift shops first and foremost. if i don’t find anything in a reasonable time, i’ll find stuff online.

i have probably two-thirds of a pot of snazzaroo, which will probably be enough, but if i decide to do a sprite or vampire kanaya, i’ll need white paint as well. plus if i decide to do more than one troll, i might want more gray paint anyway.

ears - i dont have any rn. i know a few methods to make them and a few places i can buy them but i’d probably end up making them anyway, mostly for cost-effectiveness.

as for money... well, i’ll do my best. i have an actual job now, and it’s pretty good. ive worked a lot in my first few days and ill keep working so even with taxes my paychecks are gonna be pretty sweet. id take commissions but i still have yet to consistently create any kind of art so im waiting til i can do that. also i dont have a way to get that money rn. nbd either way; i dont have any expenses besides this type of thing atm so its not like im hurting for money.

also i wouldnt have to cosplay only homestuck but a) im lazy and b) ive never loved anything the way ive loved homestuck so i kind of wouldnt want to betray my brand(tm)

(but if i wasnt going to cosplay only homestuck, which might be a good idea since idk how much homestuck the person i’d be going with is doing, i’d probably do taako.)

[artificialqueens]

A Fresh New Start- Chapter 2. Trixya

AN: Things will start to pick up properly next chapter. Bare with me I’ve been mega busy

Trixie awoke in the morning, still embraced in Katya’s arms. She felt safe here. Like nobody would ever hurt her again.  Not like the way she’d been hurt before. She tried to check the time on her phone, her eyes were still puffy from her crying so she couldn’t really make out the time. Also, she had no contacts lenses in, so her eyesight was as good as nothing. She rolled back into Katya’s side trying not to wake her. As she closed her eyes again all she heard was a small ‘Morning Barbie’. She looked up and smiled. ‘Are you feeling better today?’ Trixie hesitated, Katya made her feel so much better, but was it too soon to flirt? Was it too soon to say anything similar to that? She didn’t want to make things awkward. ‘Um yeah thanks. Thanks for staying with me last night. I just couldn’t handle being alone that’s all.’ Katya leant down to kiss Trixie’s forehead again. Trixie blushed and hid her face into the red satin sheets. ‘Um, do you mind if I change the colour of these sheets by the way? There a little too much for me.’ Katya laughed, she knew exactly what the Barbie meant. ‘Yeah sure, I’m assuming by tomorrow they’ll be pink.’ Trixie smirked, she could lay like this all day, in fact no. She could lay like this forever. She knew not to get too attached though. Fame had warned her about Katya and her ways. Trixie moved away and sat up. ‘I’m gonna get a shower.’ Katya nodded. ‘Can you show me where the bathroom is please?’

Usually showers were a hurry for Trixie, seeing as there was no lock on her bathroom door and her step father’s behaviour was unpredictable. She was glad to be able to relax and take as long as she wanted to. She scrubbed her skin with a nice pink bubblegum scented shower gel. She also shaved all her body, because she knew Katya was bound to have a peak at some time and wanted to look her best regardless. She delicately shampoo and conditioned her hair, letting it fall behind her back like she was in a shampoo advert. She tied her hair up in a towel, dried her body off and slipped on her pink fluffy bath robe. What’s new for Trixie? She walked back to her room and to her surprise Katya was still lay in bed. Well, she was more sat up but leaning on the headboard. She had a cup of coffee in her hand. ‘Oh, I left your coffee on the side in the kitchen, I thought you’d see it coming back through, sorry.’ Trixie felt an overly enthusiastic grin. Snap out of it Trix, you look like an idiot. ‘Thankyou so much, I’m not used to people being so nice.’ She tiptoed into the kitchen to find her mug of coffee, it was in a mug which had a M** doll on. Trixie smiled. She walked back to her room and sat on the bed, sipping her coffee and smiling at Katya. ‘So barbie, what are you planning on doing today?’ Trixie knew exactly what she wanted to say, she was so attracted to Katya. She could sit here all day and stare at how beautiful her face was. How defined her cheekbones were. How much her beautiful blue/green eyes lit up her face and made her feel warm. How perfect her white teeth were and how beautiful her lips were and how much they complimented her face. How much she wanted to kiss her. Oh damn, Trixie knew she had to answer. ‘Oh, I don’t know really, I don’t know anything around here, what would you recommend?’

Katya also knew how she wanted to answer that question. She wanted to recommend the Barbie slipping out of that nightgown so Katya could see her naked body. How Katya could make her scream in a matter of minutes, no even seconds. But she knew she couldn’t. Trixie was different to all the other girls she’d fucked and wanted to fuck. Even so, she didn’t even know if Trixie was attracted to girls at all, not that it would stop Katya anyway.

‘Well, we usually go on a hike on a Thursday, so you can come with us tomorrow. Today Fame is in work in her studio, we could go down there and visit her and then I could walk you around town a bit? Show you what’s where and what’s happening. If you wanted to that is.’ As soon as Trixie smiled Katya felt her heart warming. What the fuck was she doing? She never gets feelings like this, so why has a girl who she has known not even 24 hours done this to her. ‘Well I guess that’s a yes then little Trixie, now turn round and ill brush your hair for you whilst you relax with your coffee.’ Katya delicately started to comb through Trixie’s beautiful golden hair, whilst getting the smell of bubblegum and flowers. She made it very known to Trixie she liked this smell and Trixie mentally noted it. Trixie thought about how delicately Katya was being with her, whether she would be this delicate if they did anything else. What she could do with her hands and how they would delicately caress her skin if they ever went further than just cuddling. Trixie snapped out of it again when Katya handed her back the comb. ‘I’ll get ready then, leave here in half an hour?’ Trixie nodded. She leant over to hug Katya and say thanks for helping her out and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Katya felt her cheeks blush and for the first time her stomach got butterflies. As Katya walked out the room, Trixie admired that she was just in her lace panties. Had she been like that all night?

Trixie picked out a beautiful pink bodysuit that was low cut, revealing enough so that Katya could peak. She also picked out a pair of high waisted jeans that accentuated her curves and uplifted her bum. Trixie fixed her hair so all her curls fell to one side, and finished her lips with a nice pink lipstick. She walked out to her room to find Katya waiting. She had some strange brown dress on, in Trixie’s opinion it kinda looked like a curtain. But she looked beautiful in it. Her hair fell just to her shoulders and was curled to perfection. She really did look beautiful and Trixie couldn’t believe that she’d fell right into this apartment with someone like this. Katya’s jaw dropped as soon as Trixie walked out the room. She felt her eyes wander from her face down to her boobs. What Katya would do to get her hands on those, and her mouth.  ‘Jesus Trix, you didn’t have to get the twins out. I’m not complaining though.’ Katya sniggered, ‘Fuck off you perve!’ Trixie giggled, ‘come on let’s go!’ Katya grabbed Trixie’s hand as they walked towards the studio Fame worked in. Although it was just friendship, Katya was still proud to parade her round, giving funny to anyone who smiled at Trixie. As far as Katya was concerned Trixie was hers now, nobody else could have her. They joked as they walked down the side walk as a poodle walked past and Trixie was kind enough to point out that it resembled Katya’s hair. The jokes got flirtier and flirtier and the sexual tension was rising. Katya was dying to kiss Trixie here and now but she just knew it wasn’t the right time. That’s when they got to Fame’s studio. ‘HI GUYS! HOW WAS YOUR FIRST NIGHT AS ROOM MATES?!’ Fame gushed and ran towards the pair of them. ‘Yeah it was good thanks. Hey Fame, listen. Thanks for all your help yesterday. I honestly don’t know what I would have do-‘ ‘Don’t even mention it Trix, honestly I’m so glad you came along.’ Trixie smiled to Fame, she was honestly so much happier now. She couldn’t believe just yesterday she was in the worst possible place and now she’s going to be just fine. ‘Ok so girls, Adore is performing again tonight, at the bar. So are we going?’ Trixie turned and looked at Katya, who was blowing bubbles with her chewing gum completely disassociated with what was happening. ‘Um yeah sure we always go don’t we? So what would the change be now?’

Fame rolled her eyes and turned back to Trixie. ‘So what are you guys doing today?’ Before Trixie could even answer Katya had interrupted. ‘I’m taking Trixie out on a date.’ Fame gulped and forced a smile. ‘Oh wow really? That’s cool.’ Trixie smiled, she was confused. She thought Katya was just taking her out for food, she didn’t realise it was a date. Although, the more she thought about it the happier she could feel herself getting. She started thinking about how if they dated that means she could get to kiss her and touch her in the places she wanted to touch her. How she do things to her that she hadn’t done to people in a long time. How she could do things properly to someone she actually felt something more and not just random men and women. The more she realised she was doing this the more turned on she felt. ‘Erm, where’s the toilet? Quickly.’ Fame pointed to where the toilet was and Trixie ran. She head on to the bathroom sink whilst she got her breath back. Why was she so besotted with this beautiful woman?  Whilst Trixie was in the toilet Fame turned to talk to Katya. ‘Really Yekaterina? A date?’ Katya smiled and giggled to herself with that wheezy laugh. ‘Yeah why not? She’s like a life sized Barbie, she’s fucking beautiful.’ Fame grabbed Katya’s hand and smiled. ‘Ok Katya but I mean it now. Don’t do anything bad to her or hurt her. We may only have known her a day but she fits in perfectly and everyone loves her already. Don’t fuck this off like the others.’ Katya quickly snatched her hand away when she realised Trixie was on her way back. She give Fame a look which made her relax more. ‘Right should we go get some dinner then?’ As Katya linked Trixie’s arm, Trixie purposely moved her hair to make the smell of her perfume go into Katya’s line of smell which made Katya get butterflies in her stomach. Yekaterina, what the fuck is your problem? It’s just perfume. ‘OK Fame see you tonight, 9 yeah?’ Fame nodded and with that the two proceeded to walk for food. Trixie was dying to ask Katya whether she meant it was a date or was just kidding but was too scared for the answer. Well, she wasn’t scared, she just didn’t want the wrong one. Trixie was completely in her own thoughts until she realised she had completely ignored what Katya was saying until she heard her wheezy laugh and arms wail around. ‘Oh shit, sorry. What did you say?’ Katya was still curled over in half on the sidewalk. ‘Nothing Barbie, its fine. I don’t take rejection that hard you know.’ Trixie didn’t understand what she meant. Rejection? Trixie raised her eyebrow. ‘No really Katya what did you say? I wasn’t listening at all sorry.’ Katya stood up and looked Trixie dead in the eye. Something about this look made Trixie instantly horny again. ‘I’ll tell you when we eat, c’mon I’m starving.’ Trixie followed Katya into what looked like a cute café. The waitress seemed to know Katya, seemed to be extremely fond of her actually. So much so, they got their whole meal discounted at 50%. The conversation flowed so well, they laughed a lot. Trixie was sure that was the most she has ever laughed in her whole life. Katya was so funny, so weird yet so intelligent. She was the most beautiful person she had ever lay her eyes on. Trixie never did find out what Katya said before they entered the café. But she was determined to.

Time passed and it was already 7PM. Trixie needed to get ready to go and watch Adore again but Katya took so long in the shower. She lay on her bed in her nightgown scrolling down Instagram when her phone buzzed.

Fame:

Hey Trix! How was your date today?!

Trixie:

Yeah it was great thanks! Really enjoyed it.

Fame:

Good im glad! Katya seemed excited about it. Tell me all about it, see you at 9!

Trixie noticed Fame had said Katya was excited. Excited? This didn’t seem like the woman she was on a date. The cool woman, the crazy one, and the one everyone had a crush on. She heard Katya’s bedroom door close so she jumped for her shower. The next time she looked at her phone it was 8:30pm. Shit. Trixie effortlessly curled her hair in 5 minutes, she was surprised with how good it looked. She carefully picked out nice, laced matching underwear. Just in case Katya needs to console her again. Also, they did have their ‘first date’ today. Trixie knew she couldn’t last much longer. This was so weird, how could Trixie be head over heels for someone she has known a day? Even though it felt like months, even years. She carefully picked out a dress that shown her curves however, covered her chest and shown more leg. She looked at her phone, 8:55. Wow the first time she had been ready early in, well, ever. She walked out her room to find Katya sat on the counter with a cigarette in her hand. She looked beautiful. She was wearing a long red t-shirt dress and what looked like, fishnets. Oh my god, fishnets. Trixie’s weakness. Trixie realised she was staring way too long when Katya looked up and her jaw dropped. Trixie looked unbelievable. She had the most perfect legs she had ever seen. Her curves were in the right places and made her mouth water. What she’d do to rip that dress off Trixie’s body right now and fuck her against the counter. ‘я думаю, что я влюблен в тебя.’ Katya realised what she’d said when it was too late. Luckily Trixie knew no Russian at all. ‘What?’ Trixie laughed. ‘It means c’mon Barbie you’re gonna make us late.’ Nice save Katya. With that they met everyone outside and walked to the bar.

Katya was outside smoking with Sharon when Trixie realised everyone was looking at her. Trixie panicked thinking her smaller than yesterday’s black eye was showing. ‘So, Fame tells us you went on a date with Katya today!’ Courtney exclaimed. She was so excited sitting in her chair. ‘Um yeah, we went to a café, it was nice. She knew the waitress so-‘ ‘Oh my god did she take you there?’ Jason screamed with laughter. Following by little giggles by everyone else. Trixie was so confused as to what was going on and turned to Fame with a confused face. ‘Guys stop worrying her’ Trixie looked up and smiled. ‘Honestly, Trix it’s nothing. The waitress is some girl Katya had a fling with years ago. Her name is Detox, she’s still hung up over the whole situation. C’mon come the bar with me.’ Tatiana grabbed Trixie’s arm as they went the bar and bought drinks for everyone. Trixie ordered herself a shot to try be more relaxed around everyone. Tatiana turned to her and smiled and ruffed her hair. ‘I wouldn’t worry if I were you. Everyone is in love with Katya.’ Trixie’s stomach turned. ‘But I’ve never known Katya to take someone out on a date. Especially not someone she’s known a day. Plus the way she looks at you is ridiculous. She’s like a dog on heat!’ A laugh escaped both hers and Trixie’s lips and they made their way back to everyone with all the drinks. The only seat left was next to Katya who had returned from her cigarette with Sharon. Katya already seemed tipsy, as Trixie sat down and gave Katya her drink, Katya kissed her cheek. ‘Aw thanks Barbie!’ Trixie blushed and Katya placed her hand on her leg. The lights went down and Adore started to sing again. The bar was far more packed than yesterday. The amount of energy Adore brought to the stage was amazing. The whole atmosphere was something else. Trixie even found herself crying when Adore devoted a song to Roy. When she felt a tear slip she also felt Katya put her arm around her waist. Wow this felt so good. When Adore finished she ran back out to her friends, jumping on top of Roy. ‘I got so many fuckin tips tonight guys… We are getting fucked up.’ The amount of shots and drinks Trixie did was unreal. Everyone else was just as drunk as her. Pearl was on karaoke, murdering everyone’s ears but it was still brilliant. Everyone was so happy. Trixie realised Katya had gone out for another cigarette so excused herself to the toilet. She smiled to herself as she sat on the toilet. She heard someone else come into the room so she quickly flushed the toilet and opened the door to wash her hands. The other toilet door unlocked and she realised it was Katya. ‘Oh hey Katya, how are you?’ Trixie laughed as Katya stumbled over to her and hugged her. ‘I’m great Barbie, all the better now you are here.’ Trixie smiled. ‘Hey, what did you say today before dinner? You never told me.’ Katya giggled. She stopped hugging Trixie and stood to face her. ‘You’ll find out soon enough Barbie.’ Kissing her cheek and grabbing her hand to lead her out. Everyone had decided to call it a night seeing as though Adore had annihilated them all with alcohol. So Trixie and Katya went to their apartment. As Trixie shut the door she turned to have Katya right in front of her face. She backed up until she was against the door. Katya put her hands against the door and slowly leaned in to kiss Trixie. It was soft yet firm. Trixie grabbed Katya’s hips and brought her closer to her. They stayed like this for a short while until Katya pulled away and placed her forehead on Trixie’s. Trixie looked up at her with desperate and pleading eyes. Katya laughed. ‘That’s all for now Barbie. But we can stay in my bed tonight, it’s bigger.’

That’s all Trixie can remember. All she knows is she just woke up with Katya wrapped up in her arms. She’s still fully dressed. They both are. Thank God. Not that Trixie didn’t want to. She wanted to more than anything. But she’s glad they didn’t when they were both as drunk as they were. She wanted to move but Katya looked so cute and sweet, plus her head was banging. She reached over for the water on the side and realised she’d woke up Katya. Katya looked at Trixie with one eye open and smiled. She came closer to Trixie and put her head nestled up into her neck. Trixie could honestly stay like this forever. Katya mumbled something in Russian and she felt her breath on her neck. The warmth of her breath made Trixie shiver. How could she feel so attached someone she hadn’t even known a week? Katya smiled to herself whilst still nestled into Trixie’s neck. She could smell the bubblegum she showered with yesterday and the smell of Trixie’s hair was to die for. Katya wanted nothing more than to kiss Trixie’s neck. Katya never felt like this for people. Trixie was different. It felt like she cared. It was definitely something different this time. Katya moved to look at Trixie’s face. Trixie give her a small sad pout indicating she was hungover. Katya giggled and moved in to give Trixie a small kiss. Trixie cuddled into Katya this time and Katya kissed her forehead and whispered ‘я думаю, что я влюблен в тебя.’ Trixie turned to look at her. ‘What does that mean?’ ‘You’ll find out soon enough Barbie.’ Trixie turned back to cuddle into Katya whilst Katya lay back and thought to herself.

It means I think I’m in love with you.