#i forget to upload like a day late here sometimes

[luanseatlan]

casual reminder to everyone i have an art twitter where i am way more active 😵‍💫

[autistickfigure]

[vividxpages]

𐙚𓏲⋆ ִֶָ ๋𓂃 ⋆ᡣ𐭩"guilty as sin?" ᡣ𐭩⋆๋𓂃ִֶָ ๋⋆𓏲𐙚

pairing: Jacaerys Velaryon x fem!Reader

words: 5800

summary: You always thought Jace could not be in love with you, his best friend’s little sister, but a dramatic incident during one of Cregan’s house parties reveals the truth.

warnings: modern au, pining, not so unrequited love, reader is Cregan’s little sister and a huge bookworm, Jace is Cregan’s best friend, fluff and falling in love, angst (mentions of childhood trauma/almost drowning), hurt/comfort, first kiss

a/n:  i fought for my life uploading this via my phone, all the formatting from google docs went wooosh haha. Just a little something and different from what I wrote for Jace so far <3 The pool scene is inspired by the Maxton Hall series - if you watched it, you’ll know why ;) 

-⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ ☁️📖🤍୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

Your brother Cregan had met a new friend, during one of his vacations with his boys. Someone had asked the curly haired boy if he wanted to join and just like that, Jacaerys had become Cregan’s friend.

It was easy like that, sometimes.

But when your brother brought Jace over for the first time and you were reading in the living room, deeply lost in your book and not prepared for visitors, things quickly got much more complicated.

He was cute and completely unaware of it as you shook hands and he gave you an adorable smile that made you weak in the knees. 

In the beginning, you thought he was like a ghost in your home, only appearing from time to time and briefly, but always leaving goosebumps on your skin when he shyly waved at you. Just his sight alone was enough to make you want to bury your face in your book. You wanted to become his friend, too. Until you wanted to be more than that.

And over the months, their duo became a trio as you joined them more and more often, curled up on your brother’s bed as he and Jace played a video game or going out with them for food or random drives.

You laughed together - it was so so easy to laugh with Jace - and you got to know him better when he told you about his big family and how nice it was to retreat into your quieter family’s house sometimes.

You caught yourself watching him more and more when no one was looking, daydreaming about what it’d be like to be close to him, to kiss his pouty lips and be his girlfriend…

But you were a trio now and you two were only connected by your older brother in the end.

But god, how inevitably you had fallen for Jacaerys, how impossible it was to forget about these desires.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃🥛 ࣪ ִֶָ.

It didn't take long until Jacaerys followed you into your dreams. 

When you were sleeping, especially after you had read a couple pages of your favorite romance novels, he came to you, surrounded by smoke and fog. And for only a short lived dream, you could see each other together, doing things you wouldn't dare to think about during the day.

It was maddening and perfect and everything you wanted, but when you woke up, you were alone still.

You stared at the ceiling of your room, sighing deeply. Tucking your favorite stuffed animal, a small wolf with spotted fur, back under your blanket, you slid out of bed, in need of a distraction from fantasizing about kissing your brother's best friend.

You tiptoed down the staircase, silently slipping into the kitchen and feeling around the wall for the lightswitch. 

"Don't get scared, I'm here." A soft voice came from the darkness and as you switched the light on, you spotted Jacaerys sitting at the kitchen table. 

His hair looked disheveled from sleeping and he wore a long shirt and boxers, sheepishly looking at you with his phone in his hands.

Your hand itched to tuck a loose curl behind his ear for him.

“What are you doing awake?” You whispered, shuffling closer and rubbing your eyes with a yawn.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He smiled warmly at you, shrugging.

“I live here and I wanted a midnight snack.” You gave back. You rarely were alone with Jace lately, he and Cregan seemed to have reached a new stage in their friendship where it wouldn’t have surprised you if your older brother took his favorite Velaryon to the bathroom with him. “Is Cregan snoring?”

Jace chuckled quietly. “No. I just wanted to check my phone in case my cousin Rhaena texted me. My brothers are on a little trip with her and I want to make sure they’re okay and not homesick. They seem fine though, she sent me a picture of them eating ice cream earlier.”

Your chest ached funnily at the way he talked so lovingly about his family. But you knew Cregan’s habit as the oldest son all too well, needing to make sure you were okay all the time and you didn’t miss the way Jace smiled sadly at the picture on his phone after showing it to you.

“I bet they have the most amazing time and can’t wait to tell you all about it once they’re back.” You assured him and before you would have thought twice about it, you reached out and squeezed his shoulder. Your touch lingered, just a little moment too long and your eyes met. 

Your breath hitched at his dark eyes on yours, shimmering in the soft kitchen light. You were both barefoot, in your sleeping clothes and your hair was open and uncombed and your heart was way too open for this time of the night.

You heard him exhale softly as you drew your hand back, feeling as if you had burned yourself. But why did you want to throw yourself wholly into his flames then?

“Would you like a chocolate milk?” You offered, the moment between you vanished. “It always helps me get back to sleep again.”

Jace furrowed his brows. “Cregan’s crazy for them too. He told me earlier you’re out of any chocolate milk.”

You grinned knowingly, walking past him and illuminating yourself in the cold light of the open fridge. “Yeah, that’s because he doesn’t suspect me hiding them behind the healthy stuff he avoids.”

Brushing past your yogurts and meal preps for your summer job, you produced two small milk cartons, shaking them victoriously. 

Jace grinned at you and it only made you a little bit weak in the knees. "You're brilliant."

"I'm trying to survive with my vacuum cleaner of a hungry brother." You joked and handed him a carton, the two of you content as you began to sip on the sweet chocolate milk.

Under the soft light of the kitchen lamp, Jace and you forgot about time as you shared whispered stories with each other, your drinks soon becoming empty and replaced by new ones.

His gentle and unhurried words were good at calming down your entire body and soon, you felt your eyes drooping.

"I think we should both go back to bed now." Jace whispered. "I told Cregan we'll go play some basketball tomorrow morning and I want to beat him."

You laughed at the thought of your giant of a brother going up against Jacaerys. "Well, good luck to you."

With a tiny yawn, you stood up and smiled at him once again. "Thank you for the conversation, Jace. Sleep well."

"Goodnight." Jace said softly and for a moment, you lingered in the doorway, imagining if you weren't leaving. Imagining the two of you, him with you in his lap, pulling you closer as you kissed.

But you could dream about these things.

With one last smile, you left him, although your heart ached to stay with him for just a little longer.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🍋.

One afternoon, you were reading by the pool in the backyard. 

You had just come back after your shift at your holiday job, helping out in a little bookshop downtown, and were now ready to relax all day.

On a small table next to your sun lounger stood a carafe of freshly pressed lemonade and the bookish harvest of the day, ready to be devoured by you until the sun went down.

The garden gate by the house rattled and you looked up, your hands nearly forgetting to put a bookmark between the pages as you spotted Jace letting himself in. 

Your mouth went dry at his appearance, dark sunglasses holding back his curls, his white shirt a stark contrast against them. Illuminated by your kitchen lights or the sun itself, it didn't seem to matter for him. 

He was so pretty, it almost made you want to look away, but you couldn't. You never could. And wasn’t this the root of the problem?

You swallowed against the dryness in your throat. “Hey.”

“Hi.” He smiled sheepishly at you before he looked up to Cregan’s window. “Cregan is not home yet?”

You shook your head. “Nope. It’s just me right now. Should I tell him you stopped by?”

He scratched his neck, a little helpless. “Um…if it’s okay, I could stay and wait for him? I like spending time with you, too, if that’s alright.”

You wanted to bury your face in your hands and giggle like stupid. You didn’t. “Yes, of course, no worries. Would you like a lemonade?”

Jace gratefully took the glass from your hands, your knuckles brushing against one another. “Thanks. You can continue reading if you want, just act like I’m not here.”

You thought about the steamy chapter you had just begun reading and considered your options. If you read, it was like every character the narrator was in love with became Jace. In your head, you two had already kissed and made love a thousand times like this. If you continued reading those longing and hot scenes with Jace so close to you, you were afraid you’d actually implode.

You watched him closely as he sat down by the edge of the pool, abandoning his shoes so he could dangle his long legs into the water.

The words in front of you melted together on the page, making it impossible to continue reading when he was so close to you.

Shifting on your sunchair, you allowed yourself to simply look at Jace who tilted back his head, closing his eyes against the sun and appreciating the quietness of the backyard. You wanted to go to him and kiss him on the lips. You wanted to go inside and splash very cold water on your face to stop these thoughts from happening.

“You know, I never see you swimming in here.” Jacaerys looked at you curiously, eyes scrunched together a little from the sun and probably the fact he was not wearing his contacts. 

You shrugged, a little shy out of the sudden. “I used to, when I was younger. But…not anymore.”

“What happened?” Jace looked at you, curious yet a little worried.You tried to shrug it off, only to realize there was no shame in you when you talked to him. He waited for you, patiently so, but somehow you knew he would’ve let it go if you wanted it.

“We were on vacation once, Cregan, Sara and I, with our parents.” You told him and in your mind you could see the three of you playing together in the garden, your brother giving you a piggyback ride as Sara laughed in delight. “I wanted to go swimming in the morning, but no one was awake yet, so I snuck out. I just couldn’t wait to get into the pool. But I underestimated how deep it was and I couldn’t hold myself up well enough then…Cregan had woken up when he heard me leave and found me. I scared everyone, but I was okay, just coughed up some water and was shocked at my own boldness. Ever since, the pool and I are not really on good terms.”

Jacaerys looked at you, eyes filled with consternation and empathy. “I’m sorry you had an experience like this. That must’ve been very scary.”

You looked at him with surprise, but there were no jokes in him, only sympathy. “It was, but it’s okay. I was…six, I think, so it’s long behind me.”

“This whole pool is a waste if you can’t enjoy it.” Jace tried to lighten the mood and as always, his playful tone lured a smile out of you. A certain sparkle danced through his eyes and you knew whatever came next could not be taken seriously: “What would you like to have instead of it? A garden library maybe, for all your books? Maybe I can convince Cregan to cement the pool shut once your parents are gone next weekend.”

You laughed, a warm rush blossoming through you at the mention of your own little library. He knew how much you read and he had no clue you were seeing him in every love interest of your cheesy romance novels… “I bet my parents would love that and totally not…murder us once they’re back.”

As you laughed together, the small weight on your chest lifted itself and the memory from your story faded again, nothing but a distant thought of the past. 

Cregan came home a little later and as he and Jace left to go up into his room, the two of you smiled at each other one last time, as if you were sharing a secret no one knew but you now.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🍿.

It was getting late, but Tuesday was movie night and neither of the three of you wanted to pull out of it first. 

Cregan, Jace and you had pushed the couch table to the side and splayed blankets and pillows all over the carpet earlier.

To our feet was the rest of your movie snacks, but only a half-full bowl of popcorn remained which you passed back and forth from time to time.

When Cregan had suddenly not grabbed the bowl from you anymore, you and Jace had shared a knowing look.

Your brother was snoring softly, his head tilted back and arms entwined in front of his broad chest. He was out cold, completely oblivious to the movie still running quietly on the TV screen.

But you and Jace were still awake.

And out of the sudden you realized that you had never sat so close to each other. Your shoulders were almost touching and somewhen, your legs had ended up underneath his blanket, your fuzzy socks brushing against his calf.

You willed your breathing to remain regular, seemingly impassive as you continued to watch the movie, but you simply could not concentrate, not when Jace’s presence so close to you clouded all your senses like this.

The atmosphere was thick with tension and you wondered if all of this was only happening in your mind. You took a deep breath and reached for the popcorn again.

Tiny lightning struck you as your fingers brushed against Jace’s, neither of you pulling back.

You took all your courage and looked up to him, his burning gaze already resting on you. You swallowed thickly, unable to look away and when you felt his thumb brushing over your knuckles, you were sure you were going mad.

It seemed like Jace couldn’t look away either and a full-body shudder went through him when your leg shifted against his.

“You can sleep.” Jace whispered into the darkness, gulping hard. “I’ll switch the TV off later. I…I’ll watch over you.”

I don’t want to sleep. I want you and I’m afraid of what happens to me if I can’t have you.

But you feared your own words and the impact that they might have, destroying everything Jace and you had become over the last couple of months.

What if dreams were safer than reality, where nothing could hurt or disappoint you?

Your head fell softly against Cregan’s shoulder, sweet oblivion already pulling you under at the outlook of his sweet promise to you. 

As you drifted asleep, you could’ve sworn there was a featherlight brush over your thigh, four little invisible letters forever imprinted into your soft skin

m…        

...i...           

 …n...                      

…e

And as he watched your breath evening out, Jacaerys sighed deeply, his head bumping against the cushions of the couch and trying to calm down his pounding heart.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ📖.

The weekend came and Cregan and you watched your parents’ car leave the driveway, your arms slung around each other as you waved at them before they drove out of sight.

Your brother and you were standing together for a moment of silence until you said: “If tonight escalates in any way, I’m telling mom.”

“If you sneak downstairs and drink with the guys, I’m telling dad.”

You snorted, unimpressed. “Please, I’d rather lock myself in my room all weekend long if it means I can avoid your stupid house party.”

Later that day, when it had gotten dark outside and the lawn was plastered with abandoned bikes and a few cars parked nearby, you realized how painfully true you had spoken.

Cregan’s party had been going strong for a while now and you felt like a hermit, hiding upstairs in your room to avoid the chaos that was probably taking place downstairs.

You had curled up by the window with a book, but couldn’t find peace. 

Every minute, someone downstairs was calling for a toast or more shots which was celebrated by everyone. Music was blasting through the speakers and you groaned internally at the way the vibrations could be felt through your carpet.

Cregan could only pull this because the neighbors loved him for helping out here and there sometimes and because he always miraculously managed to clean up the house like nothing wild had ever occured here.

When you heard something shatter downstairs, you had enough.

You closed your book and got up. 

Sure, you had wanted to stay away from all the fuzz Cregan’s friends made, but this was still your house. You were allowed to move around whenever you wanted.

You muttered the words to yourself as you closed your door behind you, stomping down the staircase Cregan had declared taboo for everyone.

No one really took notice of their host’s little sister as you walked down the hallway, past many guests who were lingering by the walls and chatting with each other.

Making your way past the living room, you could see that the couch table had been pushed back for more space to dance, but the kitchen was relatively empty compared to the rest of the house.

There were multiple open pizza cartons on the counter and you grabbed yourself an extra cheesy slice as you looked around, amazed at how none of these people seemed to care who was walking around here. 

All except one.

“I thought you might’ve taken refuge tonight at Baela’s.” Jace said behind you and you turned around with a sigh, smiling at him in playful annoyance.

“I wish I could’ve, but she is not in town as you might know.” You told him, munching on your pizza. “She’s at some bonding activity dinner with her dad.”

Jace hummed knowingly. “I heard. So you had no choice but to suffer the consequences of Cregan’s actions?”

The two of you looked around and you winced when you heard some splashes coming from the backyard, accompanied by some carefree shrieks of delight. Jace bit his lip, a little guilty at your discomfort. 

“I’ll come around tomorrow and help him clean everything up.” He offered as a small comfort, his hand itching to rest on your shoulder like you had done to him. “There won’t be a dirty spot, I promise.”

“I know, Jace.” You sighed. “Thank you, truly. Where is my brother, by the way?”

Jace looked flustered to the ground, before smiling at you without teeth. “I think he went somewhere with a girl.”

“Of course he did.” Another loud crash went down outside and something in you snapped. “Okay, I’m going to go outside for a second, I don’t think some of these assholes realize we have neighbors, hold on-”

Jace looked over his shoulder, telling a group nearby to keep it down a little before he followed you.

For just a moment, you disappeared in the crowd and he had no idea which side you had gone for, trying to stand taller to spot you in the garden.

You quickly found the source to all the noisiness.

Three of Cregan’s guests, all boys you had never seen before in your life, were battling themselves for the biggest jump in the pool, splashing everywhere and soaking the pillows on the sun chairs with water.

“Hey.” You stared them down, blocking one of them from taking another leap in the pool. “Could you stop being an ass and jumping into the pool like a maniac? We have neighbors on each side of our backyard and it’s almost midnight, it’s so rude.”

The guy grinned down at you, looking over his shoulders to his smirking friends. “Did you hear that, guys? I think Cregan’s mom just came home, are you the fun police or what?”

You stared at him, irritated at such rude behavior. “I’m just telling you to calm down a little or I’ll kick you out, how’s that?” You might’ve been only Cregan’s little sister, but growing up with a fiercely protective brother like him, you had learned to stand your ground. And you were not scared of an idiot who looked like he had pissed his pants.

“Aww, I think you need a little fun, don’t you think?” He looked down on you, stepping closer until you felt the need to step back. “How about a little cool-off for you, huh?”

And with those words, he abruptly pushed you into the pool and everything went dark around you.

The people who had watched the heated exchange gasped and Jacaerys perked up as he heard nothing but quietness, quickly pushing his way through the crowd.

He came to a sudden stop at the edge of the pool, his eyes flickering back and forth between the guys standing by the edge and the water’s surface, its softening waves quietening down.

But underneath it, illuminated by the night lamps of the pool, he saw you and his eyes widened.

He did not think, did not even hesitate before he jumped into the water after you.

The surprising cold was like a shock to his system, his wet clothes dragging him down to where you floated, your eyes wide open but unseeing as you watched the bubbles around you.

Suddenly, you were six again and you couldn’t move.

You thought you were dying and no one would know, no one would know what you still had to say.

You wanted to kick and scream, to do something goddammit, but you were paralyzed by the sudden overwhelming scare.

Jace blinked and pushed himself forward, icy fear shooting through his veins when you gave no reaction that you had taken any notice of him. But the fear was quickly joined by the rage, anger over you, the most innocent being in this whole house, having been the one who took the most damage tonight...

Jace and you broke through the surface, the air rushing back into your lungs all at once and making you gasp painfully. Disoriented, you clung to Jace's shirt, looking around wildly as he pulled you close and soothed you.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here, it's okay, love." He murmured near your ear and you felt your body slump, not able to hold yourself up yet.

You felt his hands on your waist and then, with one hand around your back and the other supporting the back of your knees, he walked towards the low end of the pool, carrying you out as if you weighed nothing.

You painfully became aware of how quiet it had gotten around you. Everyone in the garden was looking at you, shocked and a little ashamed that a foul joke like that had escalated into something so serious.

Something ugly and hot burned in your throat and you buried your face in Jace's wet neck, holding on to him for dear life and wishing everyone would just disappear.

A helpless whimper escaped you and Jace held you only tighter. "It's okay, I got you. I won't let anything happen to you, we're almost out."

Both of your clothes hung heavily down your bodies as he left the pool with you, throwing one last deathly glance at the guy who messed with you before he made his way towards the house, still mumbling little sweet nothings in your ear as you tried to regulate your breathing to no avail.

You shivered even as you entered the warm house and simply tried to focus yourself on Jace. He efficiently made his way through your home and before you knew it, he was walking up the taboo staircase, going straight to your room.

You quietly sniffled to yourself, letting him carry you a few more steps before he gently set you down on your bed. He looked around, one hand brushing back his wet hair, and found your fluffy bathrobe hanging by the door.

"Can I?" He asked lowly, his heart aching at your slumped form on the bed. This whole incident had deeply shaken you to the core. "You're going to be cold soon if you don't get out of your…wet clothes."

If the situation had been different, you'd match his fierce blush, but it was like every feeling of shame had vanished from your chest and only left you empty. You nodded silently, taking the bathrobe he handed you before he turned around and faced the door.

You quickly slipped out of your clothes and sighed when you were enveloped by the fluffy robe.

"You can look again…" You told him and he turned around with a shaky exhale.

Normally, his job here was done now. He could go, rejoin the party and find Cregan so he'd kick those guys out.

But Jace could not imagine a single place where he was needed more in this moment than right here, with you.

"Should I make you a tea?" He broke the silence, fidgeting with his hands. When one of his younger brothers was hurting, he'd always make it better with a hug, but you were different, you were so much more-

"Can you just hold me for a while?" You pulled the rope tighter around you, your wet hair still clinging to your neck and cheeks. "Please?"

Maybe the leap into the pool had made you silly. It was bold and daring and you had no right to ask him of this, but your heart had spoken deeply from its core and you found that you did not wish to take the words back.

Jace's gaze softened at your plea. "Of course." He mumbled softly and sat down beside you.

A heavy shudder ran through you as his arms pulled you against him and you gladly fell into his side; letting yourself be held like a small child, your hands clinging to the arm wrapped around you.

You couldn't help yourself when your bottom lip started to wobble again and neither of you had to say it, he knew why this had been so scary to you. You felt his chin rest on your hair and his strong arms around you and closed your eyes, allowing yourself to be comforted by him.

You had dreamed about being held by him, more than you could ever count, but not like this. It was a bittersweet feeling and when you snuggled yourself closer to him, in need for warmth and him, Jace took a deep breath.

"We should find you a towel." He murmured, his lips ghosting over your temple just like his hand had ghosted over your thigh…

You shivered, but not because you were cold anymore.

"I don't want you to get sick."

You nodded, sitting up with him and looking deep into his eyes. He didn't seem like he was able to get up just yet, the two of you lost in each other.

He had jumped into the cold water for you, not even hesitating a second. Your heart brimmed with love for him, nearly as bad as what it felt like to drown. And god, how you wanted to drown in him…

His dark eyes flickered down to your mouth and only now, you realized how close you still were sitting together, the slip of your bathrobe revealing half of your naked thigh to him.

"Jace…" You whispered and prayed all the prelude of wanting him and not being sure if you were allowed to have him was finally over now. "I-"

The door to your room opened and in came Cregan, panting as if he had run upstairs. 

"Shit, are you okay?" He rushed to you, kneeling in front of the bed and looking you over in concern. "I was told what happened, I'm so sorry I wasn't there."

"It's okay." You mumbled, not wanting to worry him further. You already had scared Cregan badly enough for one time in your lives. "Jace helped me."

If Cregan noticed that he and you were still linking pinkies, he did not say anything about it. "I threw these fuckers out right away. The party is over."

You blinked at him. "What? You were excited about it all week. You don't have to-"

"Almost everyone is gone already." Cregan tried to smile encouragingly at you, but you could still see the worry in his eyes. "How about you'll change into something dry and I make us a snack? Are you sure you’re okay?"

"I'll leave you two." Jace announced quietly and squeezed your hand once more. "I'll go downstairs and make sure everyone is gone."

For just a moment, you did not want to let go of his hand and your fingers brushed midair before he slipped out of your grasp.

As the door closed behind him and Cregan brought you a towel for your hair, you already missed him like a lost limb.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🌸.

Of course, what had to happen, happened; a few days later, you found yourself sick.

Neither you nor Cregan had told your parents how the party had abruptly ended, a secret deal between the two of you so they wouldn't worry too much about you and they didn't have to punish Cregan for it.

So, your days at the end of summer were spent on the couch downstairs, curled up under a blanket and frequently attended by Cregan who brought you snacks and chocolate milk. It sucked and it was boring since you quickly ran out of books, but it was better than the horrible panic that went through you when you had been thrown into the pool.

On day three though, you had a visitor.

You blinked as steps approached your little sickbed, still a bit sleepy from your afternoon nap and the delicious noodle soup that had been made for you. But to your surprise, Cregan only stood at the staircase, smiling fondly at you before disappearing upstairs, making room for Jace who had waited behind him.

Your heart skipped a beat and a thousand thoughts rushed through your head. When had you showered the last time, did you comb your hair this morning, were you-

"Hey." Jace said softly. "I wanted to see if you were feeling better."

"A little." You smiled at him, sitting up and placing your wolf in your lap as he walked towards you. "You didn't have to come though, I don't want you to get sick."

He brushed your worries away and sat down on the carpet in front of your couch. "I brought you some tea. Raspberry was your favorite, right? And then, I thought you might want some new reading material."

You gasped as he conjured up a big bouquet of wildflowers from behind his back. At the first glance, it was only the most beautiful flower bouquet you had ever seen, but then you spotted a book in the middle of the blossoms.

And then another one.

And another one.

"Jace…" You whispered with wide eyes, shaking your head at him in disbelief. "You made me a flower bouquet with books?"

He bit his lip in flusteration, a pretty pink blush appearing on his cheeks. "Yeah...I went to the bookstore you work at and thought about what you might enjoy. I hope you like them, I kept the receipt just in case and-"

"Jace." You interrupted him and now it was your turn to blush as you pressed the bouquet to your chest, the new books in the middle of it already singing your name. "This is the loveliest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you, I love it so much. I bet the books you chose are wonderful."

In this moment, it didn't matter to you that you were sick and still a little nasal. The way he smiled up at you, like you were his entire world and his shoulders sagged with relief - your heart screamed at you to finally give in.

Give in to him.

The wrapping paper around your bouquet rustled against your chest as you bent forward and rested a careful hand on Jacaerys' cheek.

He looked up at you with wide puppy eyes, thunderstruck at the tender touch and then you really didn't know anymore who made the first move but it didn't matter, because then-

Your lips touched softly.

It barely was a real kiss, merely the brush of a butterflies' wing against you, but it was all you had longed for for so long.

Neither of you dared to breathe, the moment too soft and fragile to become anything deeper. But you felt him exhale shakingly, his thumb softly holding your chin to keep you close for just a moment longer. It was the softest first kiss you could’ve imagined for yourself.

You leaned back, but only a little, and watched as Jace's eyes blissfully fluttered open, fixing your own wide ones dreamily.

"If I would've known books are the way to your heart, I would've brought you some so much earlier." He confessed breathlessly.

You shook your head, your lips still tingling from this first shy kiss. "You have been in my heart since I first met you."

Jacaerys wanted to melt from the victorious roar his heart let out, a dragon taking flight. "I've been in love with you, too. Ever since Cregan introduced us."

Your hands found their way to each other before you let out a sudden laugh.

"What is it?" He wanted to know.

"I just- I kissed you."

He grinned. "Yeah, you did." And he was in need of a repetition already.

"Jace, you're going to be sick like me." You pointed out guiltily, although it didn't seem too bad to have a companion in your little misery, especially if it was him.

"Oh." He did not look like he had a single care for the consequences of your actions. 

"Are you two done yet down there?!" Cregan called from upstairs and when your eyes met, you broke into laughter and your heart blossomed at Jace's happy giggle.

It knew now that he was yours.

And you were his, just as he had once written on your upper thigh…

𓆩♡𓆪

[batshaped]

twitter stop fucking up for one second challenge (impossible)

well,

here’s the thing. it feels like social media is changing lately. every social media site seems to be fucking up or getting worse in its own special little way. i recently read and thought a lot about this article which coins the term “enshittification” and describes the process by which every social media platform eventually becomes so greedy as to become unusable. it makes me wonder if the social internet is due for a big shift in the near future. 

for a long time, twitter was the best place for me. for all its issues, it had the audience that i could reach the easiest, that was the most invested in my art. i got (still get) a lot of awesome replies and really great analysis of my work on twitter, which i didn’t receive on any other platform. i was able to encourage those readers by retweeting their comments and theories to show that i liked hearing their thoughts. i could use the Moments feature to organize my art and make my comic easily readable in order. and anyone could look at my twitter, account or no.

ever since the site was bought out, twitter is getting worse. i can’t use the app on mobile anymore because every reply section is drowned out by blue checks and choked with ads. the Moments feature was disabled and people couldn’t easily read my comics in order anymore. and this is without even touching on the bigger/more serious issues the buyout has brought to the app. these are just the ways it has made my personal experience of being an artist on there worse. and now, apparently, you can’t even look at my work unless you have an account.

it’s been pretty common in the past year for the new management to implement a bad feature and then undo it after backlash, and maybe this too will be reversed. but even if it is unimplemented, the platform will continue to get worse. all platforms are getting worse right now. all of them are becoming untenable to use without 7 bespoke browser extensions to block ads, hide specific unwanted content, force chronological order, and so on. on mobile i don’t even bother. apps are unusable. 

on top of that, i have the personal issue of not being the type of creator who is particularly good at staying on top of more than one or two platforms daily. twitter has been my main for years now, so i’m pretty good about updating it very regularly. instagram is trailing behind, i usually remember to post there daily (especially as i’m remaking mine right now and posting my entire backlog) but sometimes i forget. and that’s kind of my limit. every other site falls by the wayside because i just don’t want to spend my whole day or life updating platforms. i know there are tools that can do it automatically for you but i don’t want to do it that way and then i’d have to figure out a new tool and get yet another account on yet another app and install yet another extension to use it.

i just want to draw. i don’t know how we arrived at this place where we need to be 700 other things when we are just artists. i draw and write, isn’t that enough? if i wanted a presence on tiktok i’d also have to be a video editor who pays close attention to trends and makes sure to transform my artwork into something people on that app are interested in. even if i just wanted to have a strong presence on say, twitter/instagram/tumblr/tapas/webtoon i’d have to take on another (unpaid) job as my own social media manager, meticulously managing my uploads across 5+ apps and making sure everything is up to date and tailored to what “works” on each particular platform. i already have a day job—i’m a storyboard artist. the art i post online is supposed to be made and given freely for my own enrichment first and foremost, and for the joy of sharing with others as a close second.

i wonder if we’re due for a mass rejection of this increasingly draining cable-wars-style model of spreading ourselves thin across multiple platforms just to reach the exclusive audience each one provides. i’m starting to feel done with that concept, but i still want to share my art. i want to hear my readers’ thoughts. i want to create things that connect with others. i want to do it without these ever-mounting obstacles.

what i’m doing about it is creating my own website at my own domain that belongs to me. i doubt i’ll be quitting social media when it’s done. social media is still where the audience i cherish lives. but you can bet that when that website is ready to be shared, i’ll be talking about it on every social media account i own. i’ll be telling everyone there’s a place to look at my art where you don’t need an account, you don’t have to struggle through a morass of ads, and you don’t have to line the pockets of a billionaire who bought a social media app on a whim. it’ll just be you and my art. alone together.

by the way, to @whatthehelljake​ i apologize for writing a fucking SAT essay on a screenshot of your reply. any exasperated tone here is not directed at you at all. it’s directed at this sea of obstacles that disrupt the simple concept of “i made art and i want to share it with you.” your reply is how i found out today that twitter made this change. i cherish the fact that you want to connect with my art so much that you alerted me to this. i wish that wasn’t necessary. i want to make my work on my own terms—and want you to be able to experience it on YOUR own terms.

all that to say, i think the website is going to be the main answer to this issue. i don’t see myself having the energy to update tumblr that much more often than i already do, though maybe i’ll try to pick up the pace a little now. we’ll see. holy shit if you read all this go drink a glass of water or something get up and stretch. ok thank you bye <3

[destinygoldenstar]

☀️This Elimination DEVASTATED Me☀️ - Total Drama Viewer Reacts to Disventure Camp Season 1 Episode 8 “Questionnaire, If You Dare”

GABBY HAS BEEN DOMINATING THE GAME FOR THE PAST TWO EPISODES AND I AM COMPLETELY HERE FOR IT!!

POP OFF. SLAY. DOMINATE. QUEEN. 👑

Anyway, we're back!

Yeah I've been gone a few days for personal reasons. I'm not gonna get into them.

I was gonna do this earlier but it was already so late at night that I decided "Screw it, I'll react to it in the morning".

And it's been raining cats and dogs all night and still is where I'm at. So the weather is screaming Gabby Stan too. XD

That's what I like to think that weather is saying anyway.

I feel like Gabby would love the rain and enjoy playing in it even when it's heavy rain. That's my headcanon.

Anyway, let's get into it.

WHAT ARE YOU COOKING?!

That looks unappetizing, dangerous, and DEPRESSING to eat.

"I'm in a MOOD Golden! Let me eat my poison in peace!"

"I messed things up with Tom..."

Didn't you guys talk about it last episode?

Or, Tom didn't forgive him, did he? So yeah...

"It's never too late to tell someone how you feel. It couldn't hurt."

"It couldn't hurt" Watch it HURT beyond repair.

Or if it's an "I love you" "I'm straight" situation.

"Uh actually Jake, I'm not into genderbent Marinette's, so..."

"Go talk to him. Tell him how you really feel about him."

"Right now?"

"Yes."

No offense Miriam, but I think this is BAD advice.

"BRUH, I'm on a very important mission right now, and you think this is a good time to confess your love to me? You sick bastard!"

I mean it's not as bad as that episode where Marinette tried to confess to Adrian on his mother's funeral anniversary...

Is THIS how deep I've fallen into this ship?! That I'm now comparing it to THAT?!

Like, I've been crazy this whole time regarding it. It's not very healthy given the circumstances as of right now, but for some reason I choose to love it.

I need to go to therapy.

"Move your ass, boy!"

"AND GIMME THAT FISH! NO SURROGATE GRANDSON OF MINE IS EATING POISON ON MY WATCH!"

😂

"Eh, he won't want to eat this anyway, he'll get his own version of breakfast in a minute."

Why is Tom depressed?

"Can we speak?"

"I'm trying to wallow in the darkness in my heart."

"Shortly before I came here, I ended a relationship that was very toxic and I got hurt."

Oh he's telling Tom this. Okay. I approve. He deserves to know.

How many people have he told this to? Miriam, Ellie, now Tom?

"HEY GUYS, DO YOU THINK JAKE WAS IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?! I CAN'T TELL!"

I'm not annoyed by it, I'm cracking a bad joke

"These aren't excuses for how I've been treating you, but I want you to know I feel terrible."

You yelled at him ONCE. And you apologized for it three times now.

I wouldn't count that as "I've treated you terribly this entire time".

I'm glad he's making this clear though. He knows when to take accountability.

"I said I was sowwy, pwease fowgive me!"

"I have a hard time trusting people, Tom, I just... talking to you makes me forget sometimes how shitty life can be. I don't want to lose that."

This is actually good on Jake's end. He's explaining his situation to Tom, not excusing it, and trying to be open and honest.

"After all this is over, I would love if... you and I... we... continue-"

"Jake."

Why is Tom so pissy? He wasn't like this last episode.

"I got a call last night... I got fired."

😨

WHAT?!?!?!?!

HE GOT FIRED?!?!?!?!?!?

WH-WH-HOW?!?! HOW-?!

*Golden.exe has stopped working*

OH MY GOD...

I DID NOT EXPECT THAT BEING WHERE THIS STORY WAS HEADING.

SO HIS MISSION FAILED?!

Maybe he'll explain it. I'll keep listening.

"A video in which YOU mentioned my work was uploaded to the Internet and my boss saw it."

OH...

*covered mouth* Oh my god...

JAKE, YOU FUCKED UP BEYOND REPAIR

THERE IS NO REPAIRING THIS

You got your crush fired, now you suffer significant consequences for the rest of your days.

Well Tom is DEFINATELY not gonna want to be around you ever again.

"I'm so sorry-"

"Not now."

"Tom, if you need anyone to-"

"I SAID NOT NOW."

*storms off*

GOD...

I can't imagine how that makes Tom feel though. Getting fired because of a guy you liked...

OH WAIT CAUSE I PUT TOM IN THE HEADING LAST EPISODE. SHIT. I CAUSED THIS.

I THOUGHT I DIDN'T JINX ANYONE LAST EPISODE.

"Why do I always say the worst things at the worst time?"

Jake, saying sowwy a dozen times is NOT gonna fix this.

"Congratulations! You made it to the merge!"

OH. MERGE.

I thought we had another episode before merge!

"I wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for you Gabby."

Yeah. Hail your queen and your savior.

"As long as Ellie doesn't snitch, they'll still think I'm an innocent little girl."

Hey Ellie, maybe you should tell them about the demon child.

And yes I mean it this time. I am using my overlord status to tell you to tell them about the demon child.

"I can tell them some lies about Ellie and Gabby."

They're not gonna believe you regarding Gabby. You two never talked.

"Hey guys, did you know Gabby is perfectly sane?"

"That guy is strange..."

"He sounds incredibly Scottish. And he looks like a thug. Hum hum, I wonder who Tom is after."

Tom, you're taking the loss of your job well.

"I may have gotten fired, but I get a bed now so I'm gonna chill."

"Ellie, I'm sorry I voted for you."

Ellie don't forgive him. Vote him off. Talk to the others and vote him and Fiore off. You know you want to.

"Dude, I'm not a villain! Back off!"

"It's okay Alec. I was a little angry at first, but it's over now."

NO WHY WOULD YOU FORGIVE HIM?!

HE'S JUST GONNA BETRAY YOU AGAIN

"She thought all hope was lost! The city cried for a hero! And suddenly a beacon of light, Gabby, that's me, saved the day with the immunity totem!"

God I love Gabby.

"I still don't fully trust Alec, but I trust him more than my other teammates."

WHY?

THEY ALL VOTED YOU.

ALEC VOTED YOU OFF TOO.

And you're friends with Jake, right? He didn't vote you! And he has Miriam on his side.

Be on good terms with Jake, you get his vote, and you get Miriam's vote, + Gabby and that's four votes. THEN if Jake can get on good terms with Tom again that's FIVE.

YOU GET IN THE MAJORITY ALLIANCE.

+ They're people LESS likely to BETRAY you. The Teal Team voted you because of Dan, who is gone, AND their reason was they didn't know you.

Alec DID know you, and he STILL CHOSE to side with the demon child over you. HE'LL DO IT AGAIN.

AND they're with Grett, who you have NO connection to! So siding with Alec is not gonna do you favors, as Grett is more likely to persuade them to betray you!

I'm just saying Ellie. I have NEVER agreed with a single plan you've come up with so far.

I'm not saying she's bad. I'm just saying, I don't agree with her.

"I'm worried you guys could be in danger."

What...?

I thought you were interested in working with Gabby & Ellie, that's what you said. You get the majority alliance that way.

Why would you try and save these guys?

Tom's the most physically gifted person here. Get a majority to vote Tom, and Jake and Miriam stand no chance.

"I'm worried you guys are going to try to eliminate each other."

'JAKE'

'TOM'

*Episode 6's Tribal Council*

...she do have a point though.

"How do you know about the totem?"

THANK YOU TOM.

WE HAVE A SMART GUY HERE.

"But since you're my old teammates-"

"And you voted me off the first day."

Why is Fiore doing this though?

This is my confusion with Ellie, but even more so.

She knows Tom is a bigger threat than Gabby & Ellie, right? And thanks to Ellie, she has an easy way of having Gabby & Ellie in Fiore's majority of five.

With that alliance of five, she can get Tom out, the biggest threat, and then Jake & Miriam stand no chance against them.

There's NO REASON to try and side with them when it's THAT EASY.

AND YOU KNOW THERE'S NO IDOL. SO THEY CAN'T PULL THAT ON YOU.

I'm sorry, in my POV, it's just stupid reasoning.

Oh god I don't like this...

I guess I should be thankful they're not being put in jars-

"These questions are all based on your opinion of everyone."

OH GOD IT'S THE TWITTER CHALLENGE-

"Some of these questions are kind of rude."

That's the whole point of Twitter. NO MERCY.

"I will ask the questions that you just answered one by one in a series of rounds. This time however, you won't answer based on your personal opinion, but rather, what you think the majority of the group answered."

...I'm so confused.

"And what are the cages for?"

GOD I'M ACTUALLY GONNA GET FLAGGED. STOP IT.

I do not understand these rules one bit.

"Guess you'll learn on the fly."

THANKS. LOVE THAT. /s

"If we intentionally answer the questions wrong, we won't have to take out anyone's lives."

YEAH BUT YOU PUT YOURSELF IN DANGER.

WHAT-WHY-I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR PLAN HERE.

"I don't think you quite get the game."

THANK YOU GRETT.

"Who would NEVER survive out here alone?"

Fiore.

OH COME ON DON'T BE LIKE THAT

*Fiore & Alec voted Grett*

Grett "WOW. WOOOOOOOOW."

SHE VOTED HERSELF XD

"Welp, I can admit my setbacks."

"You can each cut a life"

"Ellie"

WHAT?! I THOUGHT YOU COULD ONLY CHOOSE THE PEOPLE THAT GOT IT WRONG-?!

*Golden.exe has stopped working*

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

"Who would spend a million dollars in less than a month?"

Grett? I think?

*Jake*

😂

OH MY GOD I'M GLAD I WAS WRONG THAT'S HYSTERICAL

"HEYO WHY YOU GOTTA ROAST ME LIKE THAT?!"

GRETT KEEPS VOTING HERSELF 😂

"I'm not that great and I know it."

"Ellie"

"What?! Again?!"

What did she do to you?!

"Why are you trying to get us out?!"

"You were doing the same with us."

Yeah. You were. To be fair.

"I'll pick Jake, just to keep things fair."

"Fair?! I didn't even do anything!"

"I'm sorry Gabby."

Uh huh. Sure. You didn't do anything.

"Who is the most trustworthy?"

Miriam.

*Miriam was wrong*

I'M SO BAD AT THIS GAME

*Jake voted Tom*

XD

THAT'S BOLD COMING FROM YOU

*Fiore*

Wow. You are idiots.

XD He has to lean over cause he's so tall XD

"You're crazy, what did I even do to you?!"

"Crazy?! Who are you calling crazy?!"

NOT THE BEST CHARACTERS HAVING BEEF

"No one has, even once, tried targeting us."

YEAH. CAUSE THEY'RE STUPID.

LOOK TO YOUR RIGHT. THERE'S PEOPLE YOU CAN TARGET.

PLAY THIS SMART.

"Fiore is a genius."

I wouldn't call Fiore a genius, I would call everyone else stupid.

"Who is the least trustworthy?"

I think that's Tom.

Yeah.

"Wow, I didn't expect that."

YOU'RE LITERALLY A SPY.

Well, WAS. You know what I mean.

Jake looks SO DONE XD

"OI, NO ONE INSULTS HIM BUT ME"

"May I remind you that YOU TRIED TO VOTE ME OUT?!"

YES. THANK YOU.

JAKE NOOOO

"It appears I get consequences for my actions yet again..."

Jake I hope you learn a valuable lesson from your experience in the penalty cage serving your time.

DON'T BEEF WITH EVERYONE YOU MEET.

"Who wouldn't you like to see win the million?"

Grett?

Yep.

Jake's just chilling XD

"I'm just serving my time, you know?"

"I'm not surprised. You're all morons."

CALL EM OUT QUEEN

"I said... everyone has an opinion and it's valid."

Girl, that's not how Twitter works.

On Twitter, THERE IS NO VALID OPINION.

One happy family of five chilling in prison

"Who is dressed the worst at camp?"

Have to say it... Grett.

She's wearing a swimsuit. Like come on, you couldn't make a better design?

*Miriam*

SHE LOOKS GREAT, Y'ALL ARE JUST MEAN.

"Who never shuts up?"

Both of my favs...

I feel called out.

"The correct answer was Gabby!"

"Aw... I'm sorry."

AWWWWW, GABBY HONEY...

"I guess we won't be able to vote together this time again."

YES YOU CAN. YOU'RE FRIENDS.

"I can tell you're gonna vote one of us."

Well... he got a point.

"But at least Tom and Miriam are voting Gabby instead of you."

...

WHAT. DID. YOU. SAY.

JAKE

DON'T YOU DARE.

WHY?!?!? WHY CAN'T YOU VOTE ALEC?!

"Whatever happens, no hard feelings, right?"

At least Ellie's cool with this.

Not personal. You vote my ally, I won't take it personally.

"One vote won't change anything."

At least they're on good terms about this. Not personal. They get it.

AWWWWWW

SEE?! NO HARD FEELINGS. THEY CAN WORK THIS STUFF OUT.

I feel like he's gonna vote Gabby though... I know it's not personal, but you know.

But Fiore has the majority alliance, so it won't matter. Gabby's fine.

I FEEL LIKE THEY MIGHT PICK JAKE THOUGH... OH NO...

"Ellie is friends with Jake! And he could persuade her to betray us! Better get him out before he has that chance!"

I can see that happening...

Gosh darn it...

"That challenge strategy was very impressive."

Except Ellie caught onto it.

Moment she gets an opening to process a betrayal, SHE'S the one that'll do the betraying and she's gonna side with the Tom Jake & Miriam alliance.

That's what I'm predicting.

And if you get Gabby out there's NO WAY IN HELL she'll work with you!

"Who will be first?"

Alliance of 5. The alliance of 3 is voting Gabby. They all vote together Gabby's not going.

You can pick Tom, who is a physical threat in the game.

You can pick Jake, who has a social gameplay advantage with Ellie and getting rid of him would spare her from possibly betraying you.

You can pick Miriam, who... idk.

I THINK it's gonna be Jake tonight.

And it's gonna HURT.

"Tonight, we won't just be reading the votes..."

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH MY GOD IT'S A TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND REFERENCE

THEY DID THIS SAME THING ON THEIR FIRST MERGE COUNCIL TOO

YEAH YEAH WE KNOW...

OH GOD I'M SCARED NOW...

IT'S EITHER GABBY OR JAKE AND BOTH ARE GONNA HURT

"This is for getting me out of today's challenge."

BEEF.

And then it's gonna be all the Jake votes piling up.

OH WAIT THEY'RE VOTING TOM. WAIT A MINUTE.

NO IT'S TOM THAT'S GOING.

I mean I'm not saying that's a bad move, it's a good move, but...

OH I'M SORRY TOM. THIS IS IT FOR YOU.

WAIT WHAT??!?!?!?!

NOOOOOO!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!??!?!

SHE'S ON YOUR SIDE!!!!

"Now without Gabby, Ellie will have no choice but to return with us to her old alliance."

SHE WAS ALREADY WITH YOU, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT!

THAT RUINS YOUR CHANCES TO ALLY WITH HER!!!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!??!!

OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NO COME ON THAT'S BULLSHIT

THAT'S A BULLSHIT GAME MOVE!!

DON'T DO THIS!!!!

😨

"Gabby. That's six votes. You're out."

GABBY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I'm actually HURT

I'm actually DEVASTATED...

OMG GABBY NOOOOOOOOOO

Okay, I'm calming down...

GOD I'M MAD. I'M SO MAD.

"I knew something was wrong."

HUH, at least now Ellie KNOWS who to trust, right?!

At least Jake came CLEAN about who his alliance was voting for! Fiore's DIDN'T.

HUH, I WONDER WHICH ALLIANCE I SHOULD SIDE WITH

That's a nail in the coffin. Ellie is NEVER siding with the villains.

I hope that gameplay was sounded smart on your ends.

Okay no I'll talk about this later.

"They ruined my plans."

OH YEAH NOW SHE'S OUTTED.

Fiore, you fucked up your entire game.

"You can make fun and celebrate all you want, but it won't last long! The three of you are still outnumbered."

OOF. And she just flat out said it.

"I am NOT working with you after this! You can't make me!"

"If you still had your totem, you could've saved yourself."

Yeah... should've kept that idol.

OH WAIT I PUT GABBY IN THE HEADING, I JINXED HER ELIMINATION, GODDAMMIT!!!

NO, I CAUSED THIS!!!

I SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT HER IN THE HEADING!!!

"I'm happy I saved you. You're the only person here who has ever taken me seriously, and possibly the only person I've ever met who has made me feel... valid."

💗

"Because you are! There's nothing wrong with you."

YOU BET THERE'S NOT. YOU'RE WONDERFUL, GABBY.

"I hope we'll keep talking when this is all over."

"We will."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

YEEEESSSS!!!

*I got a 'Speak No Evil' trailer ad*

WOW. TONAL WHIPLASH THERE.

So that was the episode... oh my god...

I'M HURT.

THIS ELIMINATION DEVASTATED ME. OH MY GOD.

GABBY WAS MY BEST GIRL, I'M GONNA MISS HER.

Okay, okay, I'm NOT someone who hates it when my favorite characters get eliminated and call that 'bad writing, they should've won'. Because sometimes that doesn't make sense for the story.

I CAN see a scenario of Gabby winning in my head. BUT if that's not the direction they want to go and they want a different winner, that's fine by me.

If anything, if you're gonna ask me who I think is gonna win... Ellie.

And I feel like the other finalists would be Jake and Fiore.

Cause I feel like Tom is a big threat so they'd want him gone and I think Alec and Grett are gonna get betrayed.

HERE'S MY BEEF THOUGH.

This plan, on Fiore's end, makes NO SENSE.

She has Alec and Grett on her side. That's an alliance of three.

Alec was successfully able to convince Ellie and Gabby to join them, and since both aren't close with the other three, that's easy. I can accept that.

So Fiore has an alliance of FIVE. The MAJORITY alliance.

Tom Jake and Miriam are the minority.

And thanks to Gabby, Fiore KNOWS that there's NO IDOL in play. So the minority CAN'T pull that trick on them.

So she and her alliance CAN successfully vote off one of the three. And ANY of the three would've worked.

Tom is the most physically gifted of the three and can be a threat in challenges, especially if he made it to the finale.

Jake has the social high ground as he's on good terms with Ellie.

Miriam is the glue keeping those three together.

Voting off ANY of those three would've worked on Fiore's favor.

"But what if Ellie betrayed them?"

She's NOT on good terms with Teal. The ONLY one of those three she IS on good terms with is Jake.

SO BETTER REASON TO VOTE JAKE, so Ellie betraying them is BARELY possible.

I'm a Jake Stan, but I can accept a Jake elimination in a gameplay move like this.

Ellie was already weary about Fiore's alliance as well, ESPECIALLY Alec. You NEED to PROVE that you're not gonna stab her in the back!

SO VOTE JAKE. And then she realizes "Oh shit, I CAN trust them!"

And you have her on your side!

By eliminating GABBY, the ONE person who Ellie WHOLEHEARTEDLY trusted, you BETRAY her YET AGAIN.

You LOSE one of your alliance members, therefore majority, AND you lose Ellie's trust that you'll be loyal to her! SO SURPRISE SURPRISE, SHE WON'T WORK WITH YOU.

You're in the minority, Ellie sides with Jake Tom & Miriam, AND YOUR ASSES ARE GONE.

"But why would she side with them? They voted Gabby too & and they tried to vote her too."

AGAIN, JAKE. Jake came CLEAN about who they were voting for, AND ELLIE SAID "NO HARD FEELINGS".

She's gonna trust someone brutally honest OVER someone who LIES to her!

IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO SEE WHAT I'M SAYING.

So the better game move, in my opinion, would be to NOT approach the Tom Jake & Miriam Alliance because they were ALREADY beefing with Gabby & Ellie without your help. Do your game move in the challenge to give Grett immunity. AND THEN VOTE. OFF. JAKE.

NO, I'M NOT SAYING THIS CAUSE I WANT JAKE OUT. I LOVE HIM. BUT I'M JUST SAYING IT WOULD'VE BEEN A BETTER GAME MOVE.

I have to imagine another idol comes into play now. That's the ONLY way Fiore can defeat the other alliance now. She Alec or Grett need an idol to nullify the votes and get one of the heroes out.

And on top of that, YOUR KID ACT GOT OUTTED.

YOU. ARE. FUCKED.

*Rant Over*

...so yeah, I'm sad that Gabby's gone.

At least we got a Gabby & Ellie kiss.

Ngl, I wish we had more time with them. Cause they were on opposite teams, they couldn't interact a lot. Even when they WERE on the same team for an episode, Ellie interacted more with Jake than Gabby. I understand that may be building up to... that entire rant I did, but I would've swapped the screen time of the two is all I'm saying. At least in that episode.

But they're cute and perfectly healthy and in a show like this... THAT IS A DAMN MIRACLE.

Also Lesbian W.

I don't know for sure if they're both in Season 3. I would hope they are just so we get more of them as a couple.

Cause Ellie is GREAT for Gabby. And that final interaction with them proved that.

Like I said, I think Ellie is gonna win the whole thing. I think that's the payoff here.

If you guys want me to continue these reactions, be sure to let me know.

[shezky]

Well, I feel like a total scammer regarding my last post, but what can I do? I don't even trust my own words ☠️

Anyway, how have you guys been lately? I hope well, for my part I have recently missed some things here and have entered into new super fixations that make me have more than a thousand years of life, originally I had planned to use this account to upload only a lot of one thing but I think that is not my style anymore so I will upload whatever, whoever sees it, I hope they enjoy it, because if I don't do it this way I won't upload anything at all, as you can see ヘ⁠（⁠。⁠□⁠°⁠）⁠ヘ

To start this cycle I leave you a Reigen that I drew in the middle of the very late night because my insomniac self decided to use for the first time her new markers from last year. I hate the blush because I don't know why it doesn't occurred to me to try the highlighter before using it with that skin tone but, what I can do? It feel like a sin even! Like...that red isn't very out of the picture? I don't even know what it looks like, I guess I learned my lesson, sorry if it seems like he got slapped or something 😭

Is it normal that when I want to draw digitally I never finish anything?...I used to like it a lot but damn, it exhausts my eyesight, I don't promise but one day I will bring something digitally, at least one thing, I don't know.

I also don't promise to upload things very often, I'm just coming back from the extensive creative block I had thanks to some things that were happening to me and since I didn't want to force myself I just disappeared, but that don't stop me for drawing, I would die if I did! Although many drawings disappeared because I made them in my whiteboard, maybe I'll show them to you guys sometime.

It's a pleasure to bring something at least small and veeeery simple for all of you, I hope you don't mind that it's not the usual, but I think I'm simply not good enough to focus on just one thing, I like to be in a little bit of everything!

A big hug to everyone, don't forget to stay safe, bye-bye! 🫶

[changingplumbob]

Nishidake Household: Chapter 5, Part 3

In this part Keira pops by, Charlie invites her parents over for dinner and Kaori tries to lift Charlie's spirits when she gets in a gloomy funk.

Charlie is busy tending the garden while a betrayed post bath Clover mopes on her dog bed.

*Doorbell*

Clover: *barks* I got it mummy, I got it

Keira: *shivers*  let me in let me in let me in

Charlie: Hey! I didn’t know you were stopping by

Keira: Can we please talk inside where I can feel my fingers

Charlie: No. I’m comfy out here

Keira: Charlie!

Charlie: Kidding, get in. Just remember, no shoes inside

Keira: I’m so glad you two got a thermostat

Charlie: I don’t know if it was worth it, you kept us pretty warm before with lighting that fire

Keira: It was an accident! When are you going to forget it

Charlie: Never. It’s in the big sister code somewhere that I’m obligated to remind you that you set my dryer on fire until one of us dies

Keira: Fine. Then I get to forever remind you about every time your sport practice broke windows

Charlie: Sounds fair

Keira: Oh I love that photo of us, our first one in Sulani. It feels like forever ago now

Charlie: Keira, you didn’t come all this way to talk about photos that are on the wall at home

Charlie: What’s going on? Is everything alright with Marta?

Keira: With Marta? Oh she’s great. But umm… I’m a bit worried about mum and dad

Charlie: What do you mean

Keira: They’ve been taking Carson to all these appointments lately and coming home tired. I worry they’re wearing themselves out

Charlie: They are getting older Keira

Keira: I tried to offer to cook for them to help but they know I can’t cook. Marta can but they keep insisting she’s a guest. Could you invite them around here for dinner or something? Let them get out of the house

Charlie: If it’ll make you feel better, I have tomorrow off work anyway

Keira: Thanks Charlie

Charlie: So what’s Carson got these appointments for

Keira: Mum won’t tell me, just says not to worry about it while putting on a happy face

Charlie: Don’t worry Keira, I’ll help them take a night off. Promise

Keira: Thanks. This is why you're my favourite sister

Charlie: Yeah I... Wait, I'm your only sister!

Upstairs Kaori is busy. Having finished filming her video she now needs to get started on editing, a well as adding effects and transitions.

Clover: *barks* Mummy time for snuggles and snooze

Kaori: Is it bedtime already

Clover: *barks* yes that is what I just said

Kaori: *sighs* I guess this will keep until tomorrow. Lead the way

The next morning the couple decide to start the day off with a bang while they both have energy, before leaving bed.

Kaori: Got plans for your day off

Charlie: I’m going to invite mum and dad for dinner. Hey maybe we could get some climbing practice in?

Kaori: Sure- oh wait. I forgot, I do have this video I need to get out

Charlie: When by

Kaori: Sometime this morning… not sure exactly

Charlie: Okay. I can chill around the house until you’re ready

Kaori: Thanks. I do want to go climbing

Charlie: But you also like money, I understand

Kaori: Where was I… PrimSims… I need to be better at labelling stuff

Clover: *barks* Everything should be given its own scent

Kaori: I think the first half is good but this second half needs work

Diligently working on her video, Kaori is kept company by Clover who has a very good “Are you done yet” face. Eventually though Kaori uploads it, and gets the bonus for correct content!

Charlie and Kaori set off for the climbing wall and try to assess the conditions (is it normal to not get a pop up about it? What’s the point of assessing if the game won’t even tell you). After putting on their climbing gear and doing a few warm up stretches they get started. Both manage to make it to the top but the practice is full of many falls. Luckily they’re prepared and don’t get injured. Eventually the two have had enough of slipping and decide to head home when the watcher notices the ice sign.

Charlie: Would have been nice to know that earlier

They arrive home to good news, Clover’s snow booties have arrived!

Charlie: Let’s see… oh they fit great don’t they honey pie

Clover: *barks* the heck am I wearing

Charlie: Shall we go for a run to test them out huh

Clover: *barks* Wait, why isn’t the snow making my paws wet

Charlie and her dog head off. It doesn’t take much time for Clover to adjust to the booties and soon enough she’s running like she’s worn them all her life.

Kaori: Another bit of broken plumbing? Seriously *sighs* I guess I could stream fixing it, maybe that will help my fame level

After a messy fix Kaori sets her sights on dinner. The drone has plenty of battery left so she decides to change her handiness livestream in to a cooking livestream.

*doorbell*

Kaori: That must be my in-laws, thanks for watching everyone

Kayleigh: Who were you talking to

Kaori: Just the drone

Charlie: Oh crumbs, I forgot the time. We better race home Clover

Kayleigh: Lovely to see you Kaori

Kaori: Thanks for coming. Sometimes I just want to make a big meal for sharing but Charlie and I can't eat it all alone

Kayleigh: Where’s my daughter got to

Kaori: She was taking Clover for a run. She’ll be back soon. How have you been

Kayleigh shrugs in a non-committal way as the door opens again.

Charlie: Sorry if I’m late

Harvey: No worries, we haven’t started eating yet

Charlie: So how’s things at home

Harvey: Pretty good, I’m getting my fish stocks up

Kayleigh: And I’m working on some new paintings

Charlie: How’s Carson

Kayleigh: Did we tell you he has asthma

Charlie: Reece told us. Is he doing okay?

Kayleigh: He’s… adjusting

Kaori: My grandmother had asthma. It’s not too tricky to manage once you get a routine. I’m sure Keira and Marta would be happy to help with cleaning if you asked

Kayleigh: But they’re guests

Charlie: They’re family mum. They’ll help. And Carson is in scouts, he must know some recipes by now

After dinner wraps up Kayleigh gives Harvey a quick peck on the cheek before heading outside to play some chess with Charlie. Clover takes a well deserved nap following her run, and Harvey chats to Kaori.

Harvey: They left you how much

Kaori: I know, it’s a lot. But Charlie and I want to do some good with it. We’re just not sure where to start

Harvey: You’re both sensible, you’ll think of something

Kaori: We did have an idea that we could place an offer on the park in Wakaba, try and stop every space there being turned in to new houses

Harvey: See now, that’s a great idea! How exactly would you go about doing that though

Kaori: Well the park is owned by the council at the moment but they’ve let the neighbourhood residents know they’re open to offers on the space

Harvey: It sounds like a good first step, buying a park to keep it as a park. I’m sure that’s the kind of thing your grandparents wanted you to do as a guardian

Kaori: I hope so. I really hope so

Charlie: Are you sure you’re managing mum

Kayleigh: Honey, please, I’m not even an elder

Charlie: I know but Keira said you’ve been taking Carson to all these appointments and-

Kayleigh: Charlie, I love you, but your brother’s health is his private business

Charlie: *sighs* Keira’s just worried you’ll burn yourself out. And yeah maybe I’m worried to

Kayleigh: I’m doing well, so is your dad. When sims grow older they get more tired, we’re adjusting. Now I think I can head off

Charlie: But the game-

Kayleigh: Checkmate

Charlie: Again? Ugh, how did I miss that

Charlie and Kaori head to the gym to fit in some more climbing practice but it seems they’re out of luck.

Kaori: Why are climbing machines roped off

Suzanna: Oh I just asked management. They’re doing some necessary upgrades apparently

Joey: See I told you the gym would be broken

Deanna: She didn’t say all the machines are broken

Joey: Maybe we should just pretend they are. So, purple, you like rock climbing do you? If you ever want to try out your technique, I’m down for being climbed

Suzanna: *laughs* Steady on kid, I’m married

*THUNK*

Devin: Don’t panic everyone! Just another fan

Charlie: It really does happen all the time

Devin: That’s what I’ve been saying

Charlie: Do you have time to walk Clover this morning

Kaori: Sure

Charlie: Thanks. This faux meat wall is difficult to improve, I want to give it a good massage today

Kaori pulls a face but nevertheless gets Clover and her booties ready for a walk.

Charlie takes some time to try and improve her logic skill again, playing another match against herself. The problem is the other her always wins. She lets out a particularly heavy sigh of frustration as Kaori and Clover get back.

Kaori: You okay Char

Charlie: I just lost, again

Kaori: But doesn’t that mean you also won

Charlie: Nope. I lost. I can never beat myself

Kaori decides Charlie needs to get away from the chess board to get some perspective.

Kaori: Do you want to head to the climbing walls at the gym? The walls here are icy again

Charlie: They’ll probably be icy forever (Charlie is very much in her gloomy mindset today)

Kaori: Shall we race to the top

Charlie: Yeah I guess, but I’ll probably just lose

Kaori: Come on Char, you know you can climb

Charlie is slow to get into it but nevertheless Kaori persists with her cheerful chatter and encouragement. As time passes the exercise endorphins help Charlie who begins to get back to her competitive normal. The end results show that Charlie has climbed further than Kaori, drawing a smile from Charlie which of course makes Kaori happy.

When they get home Kaori heads upstairs to edit some videos that have been sitting on her hard drive for a while. There’s one on handiness, and one on cooking, and of course another stereotypical product review. Kaori really hopes one day she can get free stuff to review rather than paying for it herself. Maybe at the next celebrity level. Downstairs Charlie takes her improving mood and tends to the bonsai bush in the hall.

Charlie: Now, where… to start?

Clover: *barks* it’s too tall now

Charlie: I wish I could remember what shape I made last time

Clover: *barks* prune it into a ball shape

Charlie: Maybe if I keep the stuff on this side… and chop this?

Clover: *barks* that’s not a ball shape

Maybe it isn’t tennis ball shaped but pruning it has helped get Charlie in a focused headspace for her game today. She pops upstairs to wish Kaori good luck for her dinner and then heads off.

Previous ... Next

[rain-waifu]

be kind, but dont feel bad when these fuckers all drown

small vent on under the cut, as you can tell im not good at animation, i've barely made some little animations with flipaclip back on the day, but i was never good at it, but this has been stuck on my mind for some time i had to made it so i could sleep in peace.

Im very happy for the little community of followers i have, for the people that has come for a certain fandom, yet stayed anyway. I read all of your tags, and comments, i take screenshots of them and read them cause they make me happy, im very thankful for each one of you both in the art blog and the personal blog, however i cant cover the sun with a finger.

Everthing has been so hateful lately, i dont feel good anywhere. I've come to realize that i dont really fit anywhere, althrough there are places i feel comfier than others, im happy tumblr has come that kind of safe spot, i like uploading art and i like answering questions, but i cant manage to pull myself up together sometimes. I feel good here, but when i turn my back, i just see people picking on other people's art, being mean, disrespectful, disrespecting people's characters, oversexualization, etc. It breaks my mind everytime, and its an unstoppable force.

I dont feel comfortable with my irl circle, i love them, but im not myself. Im not myself anywhere, im not saying it like 'wow im so different!' type of manner, i just feel like a misfit cause everyone else in my world have their feet set on earth. They dont care about me gushing about fictional characters, but for me its a little part of me very few people has accepted. They cannot understand my comfort, and i cannot blame them, im too deep into the internet culture and the selfship that i just cannot blame them for ignoring or raising their eyebrows when i say something stupid about a fictional character.

I want to be kind, but i dont feel kindness going back my way, aswell as i realize that not everyone deserves my forgiveness, they've left me with scars that will stay with me forever, as they keep going with their lives and im stuck in the vortex, blaming myself for not overcoming traumas i didnt know were that deep. I love the fictional characters i always talk about, i love my self inserts, i love doing art, i love the people that has been tagging along in these blogs. We're like 134 followers, and im dead happy about it, honest. But for now, i just want to sleep.

Remember to scream for Palestine, for Congo, for Sudan, Syria, its horrific, please stand by them, use the tiktok filters, use the sounds, spread awareness, keep yourself informed. Share everything you see about these situations, specially tiktok, its the platform everyone is using and the one that makes the most revenue, find creators that do donate to these causes. Stay strong, and never forget and honor those who arent with us anymore. Scream for freedom. I love you all from the bottom of my heart.

[renzieluvsvt]

nice to meet you

pairing: jun x reader

genre: college!au, fluff (attempt at humour-)

word count: 2.6K

summary: your uni year cannot be more hectic after the announcement of your extra classes. what good on earth would it be to study more of chemistry? but who knew this would lead something more than the chemical chemistry until you asked mr.jun aka a-neighbour-type-friend for a favour!

a/n: valentine's and carat day special!

i was supposed to upload joshua's first but it got messed up and i cant really serve yall a story that got the writer herself bored. so here is jun's~

this work of mine seems a bit too lengthy but lemme tell you guys that the story is really sweet and will prolly give yall butterflies in your stomach ig....? anw, hope you enjoy!!

also, while i was writing this ff i was listening to- come inside of my heart by IV spades♪

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

"this is so hectic," you said to your friends. "like for real! who keeps a class twice a day of two to three hours each? as if we only have one subject to study," one of them ranted out of frustration. "but seven to nine in the evening? isn't it too late? also how are you planning to go back i mean you live distant," your friend asked you in concern. "umm..." you had no answer. it made you wonder for awhile.

usually your dad would drop and pick you up from the university if the classes were held too late but now that the both of your parents had left for a business trip, there was no one to do the same for you. you were confused and agitated by your situation because it was not like you could skip the class just because of transportation issue. they wouldnt accept this excuse. even if you missed it, it meant you would fail the upcoming exam because every class was important. moreover attendence mattered too. you had already taken alot of leaves due to your health issues. "is there no one who can drop you home? do no one live by your place?" your friend asked you.

you hated it more to realise that you live in such an isolated place. did your dad really have to decide on living in such a place? i mean it served you a great view from your room. it was a healing place as it let you live away from people, which you loved no matter whether you were an extrovert or an introvert. sometimes you need time to yourself right? but these were the type of days which made you hate the place you lived.

"hey you can ask jun to drop you," one of your friends took your attention as she suggested. "he can just drop you on his way back home. isn't it?" oh yes. jun lived nearby to your place. how could you forget about how you met him mear your place?

∘*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

once you went to a nearby convience store in the most casual way as you didn't expect anyone to see you. you had tied up your hair in the messiest way. not the attractive messy but the messy messy. you were in your pajamas and wore pororo t-shirt. you surely had a great taste in fashion. as you were sucking onto your popsicle a male bumped into you. you dropped your popsicle. your heart broke. your just-bought-favourite-popsicle dropped. "hey! watch your steps," you said. "my popsicle!" you called out for it dramatically as you looked at it fallen on the ground. "im sorry i can pay you for it," he said. "they only had one of these. what about it-" as you turned to look at him, he seemed undeniably familiar.

he was jun. your laboratory partner. the guy whose authentic shirt you spoilt while doing a chemistry experiment. he was the guy whose finger you hurt due to your carelessness with the battery eliminator in the physics lab. you knew it was your fault but hey who wears an expensive item to the lab. but you were undeniably too clumsy. you knew it too. luckily, he was kind enough to let you go. he didnt ask you for anything in return.

"oh jun-" you said in surprise. "why are you here?" you asked. he seemed to be surprise too, "i live here but i didn't expect to see you here. especially like this..." there was silence then it clicked you how you were dressed up. "shut up! unsee that now!" you bite back. "anyways, i live here too. nice to see a familiar face around in this isolated place. i have been here since my childhood yet i havent seen you here ever before. how so?" you asked curiously while hitting his arm. he stared at the arm you hit and then your hand. his stare screamed 'how dare you touch me vibes.' you noticed and took two steps behind. "yo sorry mr.ice prince," you said as you raised both of your hands in the air in surrender. "um... i just shifted a few weeks back though," he replied. "but-" he looked at the direction to your fallen popsicle. "nevermind. it makes us even now that you caused a blunder for me or else i always felt guilty," you said. "i cant let that happen and you did seem to be too bothered after you dropped it." wait did you just see mr.ice prince smile? you clearly saw him smile slightly as if to laugh on your silliness but you overlooked it. "no, its better than ruining an authentic shirt," you replied. "it wont put me in ease to not pay you back for it and anyways i wanted to eat one too so come follow me," you tried to protest against it but he was too stubborn.

now the both of you were having a popsicle each, walking down the street while talking about school life. specifically it was just you ranting about your school life and jun listening and responding to it whenever required. you both parted ways after you reached your apartment first.

you told your friends about him and how you were happy to see a familiar face there. since then crossing paths with jun happened often but hey no one was complaining. but you two used to have only 'hi' and 'bye' exchange. that was it. nothing more, nothing less.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

"um...i don't really know. will he agree to it though?" you wondered. "just text him and ask him. it's simple. arent you guys friends?" asked the other friend of yours.

(later that day)

you: hey may I know how you will go back home after the class we have in the evening?

jun: bike

'wouldn't that be too weird for the both of you if he agrees. even if he doesn't, won't it make me look like I have some ulterior motive?' you thought to yourself. yet you had no option because you didn't want to travel alone because it was not safe. you mustered up the courage and texted him,

you: would you mind if I ask you to take the bus for few days? i am not so comfortable in travelling alone so late. also my friends can't drop me to my place as it's far so i thought if you were fine with it you could just accompany me

you pressed the sent button and waited for a response.

jun: okay

you:tysm!

you sent back a text while thinking of how coldly he texted you. but you excused him because what else would you expect from someone who was known to have the least interactions unless it was with his friend group of twelve other boys.

later that day, after the class ended, you caught up with your friends then went to the bus station nervously as you didn't know whether jun would be there or not. judging by the way he is, you asked yourself to be ready to go back home alone. but once you reached the bus station, you were surprised to see jun waiting. "hey", you greeted him. "oh hi", he wished you back. you sat there waiting for the bus. there was silence at the bus station but you were sure it wasn't the awkward one. the bus came. he let you get into the bus first then stood next to you. you asked him to sit on the vacant seat next to you but he refused. 'what? does he have a problem with sitting with you?' you thought to yourself but just realising that you had someone you know as your company on your way back to your home made you feel at ease, but again it will take you an hour to reach home now.

after a while, a drunk man had come into the bus. he was utterly wasted. he was looking for a seat. there were many but he chose the one next to you. why? because you were a young woman. this is what you were scared of, wasted men. as he was walking his way to the vacant seat right next to you, jun sat next to you. you were surprised at the sudden shift of weight on the seat next to you as you had no idea about that man making his way to the seat. jun turned to the man without any word. you understood and made an 'o' shape with your mouth. "that's why" he said in return. you thanked him and the gods above mentally to have someone by your side.

jun was really tired and had zoned out in his thoughts. probably thinking of disowning minghao as a friend because he went out for a dinner with the other boys of his friend circle without inviting him. or maybe how funnily the physics teacher dressed up today or maybe what he should eat for the dinner. but he was soon snapped out of his thoughts when he suddenly felt a weight on his shoulder. it was your head. you had fallen asleep. as he turned he could smell the fragrance from your hair. he thought to himself that probably you washed your hair just today.

a small snore like sound escaped from your mouth, from your nose to be specific. it made him laugh. "cute", he said to himself. he let you sleep on his shoulder knowing that you must have beem tired from the extra classes and extra naggings of the teachers while he thought of how clumsy you can be that you got yourself into trouble after you almost pushed the teacher as you got into the class when he was giving an earful to jun. thanks to you jun was able to escape the scoldings because now the teacher had an earful for you and your clumsiness. he recalled how you did the shortest long jump yet adorable one during the physical training class. your silliness cheered him up.

suddenly, he felt your arm lock onto his arm. it got him nervous. he looked at you and got nervous even more. "jun what is happening to you?", he said to himself aloud. "mom....", he heard you murmuring. you must be missing your mom. jun couldn't help but adore you even more.

after an hour, he shook you out from your sleep when you were about to reach your home. "wake up your station is already here." as you woke up with your head above his shoulder, you smiled at him. "ahh thank you so much jun. i will never forget the favour you have done for me", you said as you parted ways. he smiled warmly. jun smiled at you. It made you feel as if you reached a milestone because "jun" was the one who was smiling at you. mr.jun who is known to be cold. you waved at him as you watched the bus leave and so did he from the window.

as you reach home, you couldn't stop thinking of what had just happened. you knew you had made a friend out of the most unapproachable and mysterious guy today but for jun, he knew he was in trouble as he was falling for you more and more now.

for a week, you both went back home together making jun excited for every class but it was too bad for him as you were oblivious to his feelings or maybe he was just too good at hiding his feelings. whatsoever, you were happy to make a new friend and to know the other side of jun who always sat quietly without any interaction. and since then, he had been falling for you more and more. he loved listening to your rants about your pet dog being too active only when you were lazy on weekends or about how your parents asked you more about your best friend rather than you making you feel adopted. he loved it when you spoke about your favourite artists while listening to their songs through the same earphone. he loved to watch you click pictures of anything that you liked.

he started loving to go to the uni even more. he started to look for ways to see your face even during the school hours. his heart skipped a beat even when you smiled at him while waving your hands towards him when you both crossed paths in the corridor or lunch or in the campus. his heart craved for more than seeing you from distance in the class. he always looked forward for the extra classes to end soon. you made him want the night to end soon so that he could see you the next day.

you made him go crazy. you made him feel and know a different side of him. he knew he was in love with you. the next day while the both of you were in the bus as usual and as usual you kept on maundering about the most random things. "y/n", he said. "hmm?" you looked at him with puppy eyes as you were curious about what made him sound so serious but what you didn't know was that it was simply making it hard for jun to speak up as you made his heart skipped a beat again. he wondered how could you be so adorable.

"y/n... would you mind if i said that i would want to hear more of your stories over a cup of coffee?" shit. jun was asking you out. your breath hitched as you found it unbelievable. "you dont have to force yourself to say yes, it wont affect me i mean it'll make me sad but that's just a friend. if you want you can forget-" "i never thought of you to speak this much" you said and stopped his rambling. "huh?" he said in a confused manner. "i'll save my talks then."

was that a yes? jun looked for an answer in your eyes. in response you smiled at him and said, "tell me the time and place and i'll be there but i hope to hear more from you that day" you said. jun was sure that if it weren't for his self-control skills he would have surely hugged and kissed the bald head of the old man sitting infront of you.

your station came. you stood up but before you left you passed another smile and waved him bye. "bye mr.shy" he laughed at the nickname yet he waved back with the brightest smile. you felt something on seeing jun smiling like the happiest man alive just because a small yes from you.

surely the both of you spent good time in the coffee shop and then later on the both of you decided to watch a movie in the theatre. eventually making it hard for the both of you to part ways. the both of you started spending more time together and started to do homeworks together either at his place or yours and sometimes in a library.

as the both of you star gazed from his balcony you were thankful to your parents to leave you alone which made you ask jun to drop you which made him to be in your life but more than you, it was jun who was more grateful to the gods above for everything that led you to him, that made his life even more beautiful. "i love this" you said as you looked up the sky filled with stars. "i love you more" he responded almost in a whisper while turning his head towards you. he found the view too pretty not sure if it was the city lights in the night that made it even harder for him to take his eyes off from you as you enjoyed the starlit sky. he promised himself to keep you happy in this relationship forever and he made his promise.

---------------happy ending----------------

[foundress0fnothing]

Chapter 2 of "more thicker than forget" is here, featuring an awkward reunion, a lot of academic worldbuilding, and a tentative truce between our favs.

I thought this fic would be a two-shot, but as I got further into the story, I realized that some of the scenes I had planned needed more time/deserved their own chapters, so the expected chapter count is now 5 as Eris and Azriel re-meet each other after 5 years apart. This chapter is relatively short, but the next ones should allow our two more time to interact and come to terms with each other. I don't have an upload schedule for the other 3 parts yet, but expect them soon--I'm starting a new writing project sometime in July and want to have this story finished before I move on.

Read here on AO3, or continue below the cut.

5 Years Later—Eris

Late August

Eris checked the time on his office computer, sighed, and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes briefly. He only had a few moments alone before he had to pull himself together to greet the visiting scholar Prythian was hosting for the semester.

Or—to be more accurate—the visiting scholar he was hosting for the semester.

Thankfully this would be the last time he’d ever have to do something like this—in two months, he would finally, finally have tenure, not just be on a tenure track, and he could slow down—could stop working so hard to have a new publication every other month, could stop worrying so much about what students wrote on their course evaluations, could stop having to volunteer for every little thing the department needed, all to prove that he was—how did they put it?—“an asset to both the department and the university at large” and worthy of tenure.

Helping visiting scholars like the one coming that day was one of the volunteering responsibilities that he had taken on. The weeks or months spent playing host were typically monetarily and intellectually thankless time sucks, but they at least earned him a fair amount of good will—the senior scholars in the department were more than willing to pawn off the visiting researchers and the responsibility of making them comfortable to an underling whenever possible. And it’s not like the work was particularly hard at this point: Eris took them out for drinks, made polite small talk about whatever their niche research was, helped get them set up in their office and hotel, and was on-call to answer any question about university bureaucracy that might come up during their time on campus. Easy, distant, and—typically—quite dull.

At least this final scholar actually promised to be interesting. Eris couldn’t remember the man’s name—the department had certainly told him when he agreed to help him settle in, and he was sure there was an email buried somewhere in his inbox that would have the man’s CV and relevant publication information—but he remembered enough for their meeting today. 

He was another modernist, albeit an independent scholar, working on an accessible reading guide to Finnegans Wake (a pointless task, Eris thought, not that anyone had asked him—no one tried to read the book except for the most dedicated Joyce scholars, and even then, it was more of a curiosity than a work of serious literary merit. It was just too strange—he first read the book one summer as an undergrad and felt drunk for a week after). Apparently, the project was in its final stages, and since Prythian housed the largest collection of Joyce’s letters and drafts, the scholar had requested a visiting position to have access to the archive. He and Eris would be co-teaching an undergrad survey class on Joyce as well, thus necessitating their meeting today—who would lecture when, what they would ask the students to read versus what the students would actually read, how harshly they wanted to grade essays—all the usual logistical nonsense that came with teaching a class. 

At the sound of a soft knock on his office door, Eris snapped his eyes open and shrugged his blazer back on, the tweed slightly itchy at the back of his neck where the jacket rose over the collar of his shirt. As settled as could hope to be, Eris called out, “Come in.”

“Dr. Vanserra!” Thesan Aubade, the department chair, greeted him as he opened the door and stepped into the cramped space. The office was clean, and as elegantly outfitted as an 8 by 8 cell could hope to be, but Eris was victim to the occupational hazard that befell anyone making a living off of their words: every spare foot of space was devoted to books, each wall lined with overflowing shelves that intruded into the already too-small room. There was room for his desk and a single chair for students coming in for office hours, but not much else. “I come bearing your charge for the semester, Dr. Azriel Moreno.”

Eris took a moment to study the man who followed Thesan into the room. He looked vaguely familiar, tall and broad and with an unfairly beautiful face framed by rounded tortoiseshell glasses, wearing a white oxford tucked into black jeans with a black blazer over top. Eris had probably seen him on the conference circuit at some point over the last few years, but at this point, the names and faces of the minor scholars who attended those blurred together. Deciding that it wasn't anything worth worrying about, he smiled and said, “It’s good to meet you, Dr. Moreno. I look forward to working with you this semester.”

The man held Eris’ gaze for a beat too long, not offering a greeting in return, his hazel eyes boring into Eris’ own before he slowly raised a brow as if in challenge. 

Before Eris could start to make sense of the man’s expression and the odd hostility it conveyed, Thesan cut in. “Facilities couldn’t find him a space in the building with the construction in the east wing, but I assured Dr. Moreno that you would be more than happy to share your office space for the semester.”

Eris blinked at Thesan, who had the gall to meet his confused expression with only a bland smile. “Is that so?” Eris said slowly, biting his tongue before he said anything ruder. Because god, it was just like Thesan to spring this on him here, in front of the scholar, rather than giving him time to argue or plan or figure out literally any better solution than cramming two people into the same small working space.

Moreno, however, simply smiled at Thesan. “I’m sure Dr. Vanserra and I can make it work. Who knows?” He said, cutting his eyes over at Eris again. “Perhaps we’ll find we enjoy such close quarters.”

Eris almost rolled his eyes at that bullshit, ingratiating answer, which would have wrecked the image of careful control he had cultivated over the last five years of dealing with departmental politics. Thesan, though, pleased that he wouldn’t have to do any mollifying, clapped his hands and started moving toward the door. “Well, that’s excellent. I’ll leave you to it, then. Can’t wait to hear what you plan for the Joyce class.”

There was a beat of silence in the wake of his departure as Eris stared after Thesan’s retreating form, silently seething as he imagined the intrusion that Moreno’s presence would present to his routine: a person in his space and in his business, for whom he’d be expected to give up his desk and his peace of mind whenever the other man decided he needed it, nevermind how snowed under Eris was with trying to keep up with teaching responsibilities and research and preparations for his tenure review. 

And that wasn’t even taking into account that the man himself was apparently going to be insufferable—oddly standoffish with colleagues like Eris, irritatingly sycophantic with higher-ups like Thesan. Any enthusiasm he might have felt about working with Moreno this semester was rapidly draining away.

Still, he had a job to do, but Eris was not about to tackle the rest of the day sober. “There’s a bar a few blocks away that the undergrads haven’t discovered yet. Why don’t we do this over a drink?”

Eris saw something flash briefly over Moreno’s face—again, that strange, brief hesitation—before he said simply, “Lead the way.”

A few minutes later, they had settled into a booth with their drinks, both men slightly sweaty from the walk to the bar through Prythian’s late summer humidity. Their conversation on the walk over had been stilted: Eris made some innocuous comment about the weather and Moreno agreed brusquely that, yes, it was quite hot; Eris asked after the general details of Moreno’s travel to Prythian and Moreno informed him that it was “fine;” Eris asked after the details of his research project and Moreno told him that it was “almost finished.” And that was it. 

Perhaps the man was just awkward, Eris mused as Moreno raised his pint glass to his lips to take a sip while staring at the street outside of the bar, just someone who never mastered the politicking and the small talk and the conversations that came with academia. It would explain why he wasn’t at a university, at any rate. 

Even so, he didn’t relish the thought of spending any more time with him here than he had to—sharing an office and a class with Moreno all semester would be enough of a headache and, if the walk over was any indication, this meeting would be much the same, with Eris carrying the discussion about semester logistics while the other man grunted agreement instead of offering real answers and insights like an actual person. He sighed internally— only two more months until tenure . 

Pulling out his laptop, he said, “So. The Joyce class. I figured we’d alternate lectures rather than splitting them, and I’ve made a tentative weekly lecture and reading breakdown. What’s your email? I’ll send this to you to review.” 

Turning back to Eris, Moreno looked at him blankly for a moment, apparently not quite ready to jump into the work of the meeting, and Eris resisted the urge to sigh and scold him like he was a distracted undergrad broodily gazing out of a window.

“Of course,” Moreno said, shaking himself slightly and pulling out his phone. “Email is moreno7@nightcorp.com.” 

As Eris typed in the email, he noticed that Moreno began to roll up the sleeves of this shirt, the sunlight streaming into the bar having made even the indoor space uncomfortably warm. 

And then—fuck .

Because the man had tattoos across his forearms, intricately swirled and somehow elegant in their brutality, and Eris had only seen tattoos like those once before—years ago, at another bar, in what felt like another lifetime—and he realized why the man had seemed so familiar back in his— their —office.

Eris dragged his eyes away from the man’s arms only to find Moreno studying him. With a smirk, Moreno asked, “It was the tattoos then?”

Eris felt his mouth go dry as he remembered the last time he was with this man, was with Azriel Moreno. He was high on his job offer and cool and articulate and utterly in control. But now? Now, he could only rasp out, “They made an impression.”

Moreno barked a mirthless laugh at that. “I suppose they did.”

Silence stretched between the two men after that for a few beats as Eris, caught wrong-footed, scrambled for something to say to salvage the meeting, hoping desperately that Moreno wasn’t petty enough to say something to Thesan about the disaster this was becoming.

To Eris’ surprise, however, Moreno was the one to break the tension. “Look, Vanserra, I’m here to continue my research and finish my book and teach this class. Nothing more. I haven’t been with a university in five years, and I just want this to be simple and professional and uncomplicated.”

Eris hoped his relief didn’t show too clearly on his face. “I think we can manage that.”

“Good.” With that, Moreno turned his attention back to his phone, pulling up the email from Eris and skimming through the document. “I have some thoughts.”

[cherrychaiparadise]

the first who ever did || ch. 2

there's things i wanna say to you

length: 3800 words

rating: m (language, brief female masturbation, a cheeky massage)

future smut MDNI!!!

chapter summary: You came here to work, not lust over your obnoxiously attractive partner. But, a tiny workplace crush never hurt anyone, right? His “no coworkers” rule was getting more and more difficult to keep. But how could he when you were there? Seducing him solely with your existence. 

a/n: lol this took a lot longer to upload than i'd originally planned but if you're impatient like me there are 23k words uploaded on ao3!! @/bisexualduckling00 as well :)

read ch. 1 here !!

Unfortunately, you could always count on Monday morning to arrive every week, but hat doesn’t mean you could always count on your alarm to go off at the right time. You cursed your way out the door, almost forgetting to lock it behind you. You had yet to walk to the main road and hail a taxi, which took at least twenty minutes, which you absolutely did not have.

“Huh. I assumed you just sleep at the embassy since I never see you leaving in the mornings,” a husky voice chuckled behind you.

“Sometimes I do,” you finished locking your door. “But now, I’m running late and I have a presentation at eight.”

Javier quirked an eyebrow and tilted his head ever so slightly. “It’s 7:30. It’s a twenty minute drive.”

“Exactly!” you waved your arms at him, exasperated. “That’s not enough time for me to catch a cab and still get there on time.” 

He bit his lower lip before chuckling again. How dare he laugh at your struggle! “Loquita, you mean to tell me you’ve been paying for a taxi from here to the embassy twice a day for the past three weeks?” You shrugged. “Let’s go,” he motioned you towards his door, already beginning to walk away.

You followed him wordlessly, unsure what exactly was happening. His strides were long, his too-tight pants clinging tightly to his ass. Not that you were looking. Javi opened the passenger door, giving you an expectant look. “Come on, don’t make me tell you twice,” he clicked his tongue on the side of his mouth.

Obeying, you slid into the seat. The car was surprisingly clean, with a little green air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror. The sweet scent of tobacco tickled your nose, you knew the smell clung to him, and most likely couldn’t be washed away by a dozen showers. You almost mentioned how bad his smoking habit was for his health, but you knew it would just do more harm than good. 

Javi broke the silence first, “We could do this again, if you’d like.” His grip on the handle tightened the slightest bit. “Carpooling. It makes sense, saves you time and money. Is better for the environment and all that good shit.”

Your body warmed at his offer, even if it was disguised in faux-environmentalism or whatever that last comment was. “We’ll split the gas,” you offered. He gave a brisk nod, and that was that.

The rest of the car ride passed pleasantly. You rested your head on the window, enjoying Javi’s music taste as The Eagles played softly through the speakers. Between gazing at the greenery outside, you stole quick glances of Javier. You hadn’t taken the time to just look at him yet, and you found that you weren’t able to stop. 

His work-roughened hands lightly gripped the steering wheel with a casual ease, his thumb gently tapping along to the rhythm of the music. Beneath his yellow-tinted aviators sat his aquiline nose, further down was his angled jawline and thick, smooth neck. God, everything about this man was sharp and broad at the same time. He was all angles and warmth and strength. You suddenly felt overwhelmed, being in such a small space while in his presence. You had to look out the window again before your eyes could drift to his arms. Or, god forbid, his thighs. 

How were you supposed to survive this car ride twice a day, five days a week? You came here to work, not lust over your obnoxiously attractive partner. But, a tiny workplace crush never hurt anyone, right? You’d be over him in a week or two. No big deal.

-

To show your gratitude, you decided to make coffee for the two of you each morning. Javier always complained about how bad the coffee at the embassy was, and you had an espresso machine that your mother had gotten you for your 23rd birthday, so it just seemed like a no-brainer that you could pay him in delicious, freshly brewed coffee.

“Here,” you offered him the cup that morning. His brows furrowed together. “Tómalo, Javi. Es para ti,” you pushed the coffee into his hands until he finally took it, his fingertips brushing yours as he did so.

He sniffed the cup. “Me hiciste un café?” he said with a slight tilt of his head.

“Siempre te quejas del puto café gringo. This way I don’t have to deal with your whining anymore,” you said with a shrug.

Javi took a tentative sip, then a bigger one. The groan in the back of his throat almost brought you to your knees right then and there. It had you imagining things that were most definitely not appropriate fantasies to have of your partner. “This is amazing. Thank you,” he gave your shoulder a friendly nudge as you walked to his car. “You’re like my energizer bunny or something.”

You gave him a questioning glance. 

“You know, the little pink bunny? From the batteries,” he acted like that explained everything. “The coffee… batteries…how do you not know this? Anyways, you keep me going.” You knew he was just talking about the coffee, but you couldn’t help but blush at his words. 

The next day you found a yellow sticky note on your desk. ‘Lunch?’’ was scribbled in thin, stringy letters. Javi was in a meeting, but you had a sneaking suspicion that it was his way of repaying you for the coffee. Your suspicion was confirmed he returned, taking his normal seat across from you and looking up at you from below his brows. “Arepas alright?” You nodded, and that was that. 

You and Javi fell into the friendly routine of coffee in the morning (and the puto gringo cafe throughout the day, of course) and arepas in the afternoon. You’d share jokes and gossip during your daily walk to buy arepas from the street vendors and take turns choosing which station to listen to on the nightly drives back from work.

Then, he’d walk you to your door, even though it was technically right next to his door, and bid you goodnight. Just because you stayed in for the nights, didn’t mean Javier did. You still heard him leave his apartment shortly after dropping you off, and would often hear him arriving again late into the night. You didn’t know where he went off to, and you thought it better that way. Not that it was your business anyways. The two of you had become closer over the weeks, but you were still only work friends, and nothing more.

A month passed and you still weren’t over this stupid crush. It’s not like he was making it any easier on you. He wasn’t flirting, per say, he was just too…nice. How could you be frustrated at someone for being too fucking nice? Ok, it’s possible you were frustrated with yourself as well. It wasn’t as if you had been doing yourself any favors: making him coffee and sharing inside jokes and dirty looks when someone said something stupid. You were digging your own metaphorical grave of unrequited attraction. 

Each small gesture, every door he opened for you, each arepa he offered, every little smile or friendly nudge chiseled away at your plan to not dig yourself deeper than you already had. You didn’t have any friends here yet, and that combined with Javier’s attention and looks…it was like there was no other option but for you to become slightly infatuated with the man.

The following day started at 4:30 in the morning when you, Javi, and el Bloque de Búsqueda raided a suspected sicario hideout. The results were minimal, but the paperwork was not. By the time midnight rolled around, the two of you were still covered in a layer of dried sweat and dirt, barely halfway through the stacks of folders and photos that needed to be sorted and documented. “I’m sure there’s something in here that we’re missing. I can feel it,” you stretched your back, as if that would make a difference in the mass of angry muscle that had been aching all day.

“Me too. Something’s not right with this.” Javier flipped through the pages of his own file before rolling out his soldiers. You were both tense from the heavy physical exertion and the immediate eight hours of sitting in chairs with zero back support. 

“My body feels like it’s going to disintegrate,” you sighed, leaning your head into your hands. “I need a hot shower, like, now.”

“You could come back to my place,” Javier mumbled. No more than a second later, his eyes grew wide, nearly bulging out of his head upon realizing the weight of his words. “Not to shower, that’s not what I meant.” Great. Lovely to know how absolutely repulsed he was by the idea of you naked in his apartment. “I meant you could shower at your place, and then we could look over the files afterwards. At mine. The couch is more comfortable.” 

You weren’t sure you had ever heard him ramble like that. It was endearing. So endearing that even though you should say no, that you should definitely not go to his place and sit on his couch late at night, you couldn’t bring yourself to decline his offer.

“That sounds much better,” you nodded. “Let’s go.”

-

What had he just done.

The car rides alone had been fucking torture. Javier had spent half the time trying not to embarrass himself by saying something stupid and the other half trying not to get distracted by your sweet smell. What did you even smell like? Coconut? Sugar? He wasn’t sure but he knew that he craved it. Your scent. Your taste. You.

And now this? Inviting you over to shower at his place? 

Fuck. His “no coworkers” rule was getting more and more difficult to keep. But how could he when you were there? Seducing him solely with your existence. 

He knew that this was a bad idea. He hadn’t even meant to invite you. The words just slipped out, and then he’d realized what he’d said and he had to fix it somehow. It’s not that he didn’t want to spend time with you or didn’t want to be alone with you. He did. Fuck he wanted to be alone with you. But he knew how dangerous that was. His self control had already been wearing thin and he knew that if he wasn’t careful, it would snap.

-

That hot shower, alone in your apartment, was the best thing you’d felt in weeks. You changed into a pair of capri leggings and your dad’s old t-shirt from his time in the Marines, feeling clean and refreshed. Your hair was still slightly damp, but you couldn’t be bothered to dry it. You doubted Javier would mind anyways.

Javier opened the door to his apartment and you noticed that he had also changed from his usual button down and jeans to a t-shirt and sweats. He smelled of soap and mint, although you could still sense the faint cling of tobacco on his skin. His wet hair curled slightly at the base of his neck, the rest of it spilling across his forehead. And maybe you imagined it, but you could have sworn that you saw his gaze slightly drop to your chest as he let you in. 

“Something to drink?” Javi offered as you curled yourself into his couch.

“Coke again?”

“I was thinking something stronger this time,” he chuckled to himself. “But if you want-”

“No,” you interrupted. “No. I definitely need something stronger.”

He nodded, pouring you both a glass of whiskey and taking a seat next to you on the couch. You felt the weight shift, causing you to lean towards him the tiniest bit. You took a sip of the drink, it burning as it went down. You cleared your throat hoping Javi wouldn’t notice your struggle. You were more of a fruity cocktail girl yourself. A tiny smirk on the edge of his lips caught your eye. Shit. He definitely noticed, but was considerate enough to say nothing else. 

You tried to focus on the work in front of you, but your attention kept drifting to Javier. You were used to watching him work, the two of you worked together every day, after all. But never on his couch, in the comfort of his own home, with wet hair and a t-shirt that clung to his chest. You could hear the soft exhale of his breath, feel him adjust himself when he became uncomfortable. Everytime he sipped his whiskey you imagined how his lips would feel on your skin instead of the glass.

These were dangerous thoughts to be having when you were alone. And drinking.

When Javi stretched, any and all thoughts flew out of your brain. His arms rose over his chest, flexing his deltoids which only accentuated his absurdly broad shoulders. He cracked his knuckles, drawing your attention to his long fingers. Just looking at them sent a shiver up your spine. The hem of his shirt rose up an inch or two to reveal the soft patch of golden skin peeking from beneath. If that wasn’t enough, the groan from the back of his throat elicited the desire that had been simmering under the surface of your skin for weeks to the top. Goosebumps broke out along your back and even though it wasn’t cold, you swore you felt your nipples tighten.

“Sore?”

“Fuck, yes.” Javier ground out. “I hate to admit it, but my back isn’t what it used to be.” He took a long drag of his cigarette. You hadn’t even noticed that he’d lit it. 

“I could, um,” you hesitated, internally debating whether or not this was a good idea or not. Of course it wasn’t, but you hadn’t gotten here by making ‘good choices’ had you. “I could give you a massage, if you’d like?” Your hands moved to your lap, needing something to fidget with “I’d charge people ten bucks for one in college as a side hustle, so I’m basically a professional. I’d give you a discount, of course,” you weakly laughed to yourself. Fuck, you were rambling again.

Javier didn’t seem to mind though. He never did. “You want to give me a massage?” 

You nodded bashfully, “Only if you want.”

“Like I could resist your hands on my body,” he winked. 

You stood up and grabbed a bottle of lotion from the side table and a chair from the dining table. hoping that if you hid your face he wouldn’t see the bright red that had blossomed across your cheeks. You set the chair in front of the couch, “You’ll need to sit facing the backrest, and put your arms up on it, too” you told him. He obeyed, spreading his legs open as he straddled the chair. “I’ll be right behind you,” you brushed your hand across his shoulder as you slid behind him, sitting back on the couch. In this position you were straddling him from behind, your thighs gently brushing against his hips. The warmth of his body burned through the fabric of your leggings, making you inhale sharply at the contact.

Holy shit, you hadn’t been this nervous since you were seventeen and about to sleep with a boy for the first time. Javier had you feeling like a teenager again and you were both fully clothed. About that… “Um, again, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” the last thing you wanted to do was make him feel pressured. “But it would be better if there wasn’t clothing in the way.”

“You asking me to strip for you, Conejita?” 

You were so stunned, your brain couldn’t even keep up to question his use of this new pet name. “Just- just the shirt will do.” You could feel his smirk even though he was facing away from you. The chair creaked as Javier leaned back, grabbing the bottom of his shirt and slowly peeling it up and off his body. Holy shit. You hadn’t seen him shirtless before, and it was a sight to behold. His waist was impossibly narrow but his back stretched out to his straight, broad shoulders. His round deltoids connected to the very visible outline of his trapezius. A beautifully defined line ran down the middle of his back where hip dimples peeked out from the waistband of his pants. He was a fucking piece of art.

You felt his body tense under your gaze, which was the exact opposite of your desired reaction. “Relax, Jav,” you soothed, tracing a finger down his spine. “You need to be comfortable if you want to get anything out of this.” He released a terse breath, his previous flirty demeanor entirely gone. You rubbed reassuring circles along his hip. “I’m going to start now, alright?”

“Ok,” you noticed that his voice had dropped an octave. 

You started by pumping a handful of the, surprisingly enough, eucalyptus scented lotion into your palm and spreading it across the wide expanse of Javi’s back, starting from the bottom and working your way up, gradually increasing the pressure. You loved the feeling of his bare skin beneath your palms. His back was warm and soft, dusted with a light layer of freckles. Several raised patches of scarred skin stood out to you and you wondered about the stories behind them.

Once the lotion was worked in you began to knead the skin across his back, again working your way from the bottom up. Javier sucked in a tight breath as you came to an especially stubborn knot in his shoulder. “Let me know if I’m hurting you too much. It may be uncomfortable, but you shouldn’t be in pain.” You continued working that patch of muscle, but with a gentler hand. You rubbed small circles with your thumbs until you felt the knot melting away and Javi visibly relaxing. 

He let out a long, open mouthed exhale, “That feels amazing. Please don’t stop.”

An image of Javier saying that, undressed and beneath your hands, but in a very different situation, flashed through your mind. Perhaps in his bed. What did it look like? You bet it smelled like him. Or maybe right here, on the couch. Could things have gone differently tonight if the two of you had had a few more drinks? God, you knew this was inappropriate but what else were you supposed to think of when he talked to you like that?

Focusing on the soft smell of eucalyptus, you continued your work, twisting your hands across his back, stretching the skin and underlying muscles back and forth. Up and down his back your hands roamed, thoroughly working through each tense area until you were satisfied. “You did so good, Conejita,” you bit your bottom lip to stop the gasp that threatened to escape. “If you don’t mind there’s this one spot in my neck that’s been driving me crazy for days. Right here,” he pointed to the  prominent muscle on the side of his neck. 

“Of course,” you hoped he couldn’t hear how breathy your voice had become. Pressing your thumbs to the heated skin, you circled and pinched at the amalgamated knot. How had you missed this? 

As your fingers danced across his skin, you heard something rumble at the base of Javier’s chest. A deep, primal noise. You felt it rise up through his throat and out past his lips. The quiet groan sent a deep ache shooting straight down to your core, making your chest flutter and your panties grow damp. Just from that one little noise, god damnit. 

Immediately, his body tensed up beneath you again. Hopefully all your hard work hadn’t just gone to waste. “That’s better. Thank you,” his voice was rough, as if there was still another groan trapped in his throat. 

“Any time,” you murmured. 

Looking over his shoulder, he gave you a soft, closed mouth smile, his face softening. “Really, you’re wonderful.” You noticed that his cheeks had a pinkish flush across them.  He looked so pretty like this, vulnerable and safe and relaxed. As if he wasn’t carrying so much weight on his shoulders. You were glad that you were able to ease it, even if just for the night. 

-

It was nearly three in the morning by the time you had brushed your teeth and gotten into bed. Even though you had been awake for close to twenty four straight hours, sleep refused to overtake you. Instead, your mind was wide awake, pleasurably plagued by memories of Javi’s toned, muscled figure, his smooth skin beneath your hands, and that heart-stopping noise that you had drawn out of him with nothing but your hands on his back. What other sounds would he make? With less clothes and more touching?

Would his voice remain deep and husky? Rough and raspy like the stubble on his cheeks brushing against your thighs and his calloused hands on your hips. Would he growl dirty words into your ear while he takes you from behind? You imagined how he could toss you around like you weighed nothing. How he would have his way with you, using you for his own pleasure. And god, that thought shouldn’t turn you on so much, but what could you do about it now that you knew what hid underneath his cotton button downs?

As if with a mind of its own, your hand migrated below the waistband of your underwear, fingers slipping between your already soaked folds as your mind continued to drift.

Or would he be soft and sweet? Warm and velvety like the chocolate pools of his eyes and the way his muscles moved in a smooth, fluent motion. The way he called you Conejita, gently cradling the word in his mouth like it would shatter if he wasn’t careful. You imagined him praising you, coating you with sweet, sugary words while he gently worked you over the edge. Would he try to keep quiet but be unable to prevent the little whines and whimpers from slipping out? Just the thought of Javier whimpering was enough to send a visceral shudder throughout your body.

Your eyes drifted shut as two fingers slid inside to collect your own wetness and spread it around. Your other hand rose to your tits, gently massaging it while you began to rub soft, slow circles around your clit. A small whimper arose in the back of your throat as you picked up the pace, the strokes turning longer and more repetitive. You imagined it was his hand working you, imagined his skin, hot against yours. His head between your thighs.

God, it didn’t take much after that. You tightly pinched your hardened nipple while your fingers swirled tight, fast circles, hitting just the right spot on your sensitive clit and you came right there, and clenching around nothing, wishing that Javi was there to fill the aching emptiness.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Finally, the long awaited Jimin Vinyl is here. Or it will be for me sometimes in the first few months of 2024, depending when it arrives. But I've lived without it until now, I can do it for longer. Anyway, it will look pretty in my growing vinyl collection and it comes with extra goodies. Which I love. It also feels so good when it's a surprise. I got Prince's Purple Rain and it came with a poster which I had no idea of!

I also pre-ordered one version of the GQ magazine because I'm slowly adding more to my magazine collection. I don't think I'll ever forget the day I threw out my entire collection of Elle that I gathered throughout high school in a moment of late teenage rebellion. Anyway, I'm eyeing some Vogue numbers now, but that's for November or December.

When I know I have the option to pay when I receive the package, it's so much easier to add stuff to the cart. I make it a problem for future me and at least I have options. So I got Taemin's album as well which I'm so excited for. It will be my first. I'm really not a K-Pop album collector, but it's nice to have some of the releases on my shelf. I didn't get the bug of getting everything from everyone.

I've also thought if I should get Jungkook's album now. I was looking at the Substance version, but I think I'll wait until after the release. It's no rush for me. I actually did the same with Face. I got one version in late April and the other one some time in the summer (for other reasons).

Now, onto some more practical stuff for which I hope any of the people following me/reading this might have an answer. It's about the documentary on Weverse. I'll admit, I never bought anything from that platform. I watched ITS 1&2 thanks to people adding links on twitter. I looked up Suga and J-Hope's documentaries just to get an idea on a price and it said 100 Jelly, which I'm supposed to buy. (Do people get jellies when they order stuff from weverse shop and all that?). So, there's either 80 or 120 Jelly options, but the point is, to be able to unlock the documentary, I basically need to pay 30 euros. Which in my opinion, sounds a bit absurd. It's the equivalent of 5 movie tickets at the cinema. Or some expensive screening session at a festival. But this is a 60 minute documentary. I don't need to own a digital copy or to have access permanently to it. It's also unfair given that with the other two, people had the option of watching it on Disney+ for which the subscription is the equivalent of small change compared to this.

I'm also not able to watch in on the 23rd when it's released because I'll be on a train with bad wifi and getting home after a long journey. I'll have to stay away from social media, but I don't know for how long. If anyone is kind enough to give me a heads up if there are people streaming it on twitter or it gets uploaded on some platform/website, I would appreciate it very much.

Anyway, after a few days in which I've been complaining about lots of stuff and in particular weverse, Jimin day is almost here! It feels like a holiday 😄

[galacticwildfire]

Hope Chapter One Excerpt

Poe Dameron x Solo!oc

Hey guys, I plan on uploading very soon, life's just been chaotic as all hell recently, the fic's been rewritten quite drastically from what it was a few years ago to follow the current canon and I'm excited. The first few chapters are a prequel of sorts from when Hope is 16/17, following Leia being outed as Vader's daughter and then the temple fire and all those solo/skywalker family dynamics. Then it will time jump to the Poe Dameron comics when she's going on 21 and they meet and well, Leia is equally mortified and moved by the stark reminder of what her and Han were like when they were young.

Here's an excerpt from the first chapter.

~

28 ABY 

I stand by my mother's side as they unveil a statue of her adoptive father Bail Organa, honouring his memory here on Hosnian Prime since there is no Alderaan left for it to stand on.

She is stoic as always but I feel the ache that's never disappeared and reach for her hand. She stills at the touch but takes it, allowing herself to show the rare public emotion as she holds her daughter's hand here in the sight of the senate.

Her voice is quiet, for only me to hear "Do you see the divide?" I look at the crowd but she just shakes her head. "Not physically, ideologically. Between the Centrists and the Populists. It's just growing deeper by the day. This right here Hope is what those final days before the senate was dissolved felt like, glossy ceremony covering the breakdown of government."

Her words startle me and I try to assure her "People will always be divided, but now there isn't an emperor trying to dissolve democracy."

"Not yet at least," she remarks and I know to some ears she would sound paranoid, but she knows better than any the signs of corruption, of instability.

She is given the signal that it is time for her speech and her pod moves forward from the stands, I stand behind her clad in white with my braided hair carefully arranged atop my head as her understudy, her successor, standing here with her as she once stood with Bail Organa when she began serving alongside him in the senate.

Her voice is strong, articulate, but when is it anything other than that? 

"I stand before you not only as a senator, but as Bail Organa's daughter." Luke has always said without reservation his father was Anakin Skywalker, a Jedi Knight, but my mother would sooner cut out her tongue than ever say Anakin Skywalker was her father above Bail Organa. It's known well enough by now who her parents were, but in her heart her true one's died on Alderaan. "And yet everything I have done in my career has been rooted in the valuable lessons he taught me about courage, about strength, about leadership." She looks at me as she says "Lessons I now teach my own daughter, one of the many children that are the legacy of the Rebellion and the future of our galaxy."

Many would forget my mom has two children, sometimes it feels almost as if Ben is hidden away whilst I've taken on a role that he was never considered for. I've never dared say it but I know there is a reason for it, even if they would never admit it to us, but I'm not as blind to the shadow that hovers over him as they'd like me to be.

A shadow that hovers over us both.

Her next words are dulled out by the feeling of a hundred thousand eyes on us, although most are on her I can feel enough on me to make me nervous, the daughter and successor of the most beloved and controversial senator there is, a rebel hero, a princess of a planet that no longer exists, remembered now by its survivors scattered across the galaxy, survivors who also call me princess out of affection for Leia's little girl.

Mom was fourteen when she began working with her father in the senate, the same age my grandmother was when she became queen, it feels like I've blossomed late by only continuing the tradition of entering politics at 16 and yet I still feel like I'm a child. A child who wants to be with her brother at the temple training, or with her father co-piloting the Falcon with no end in sight. I ache for the skies and yet I'm weeks from finishing university on Naboo and officially joining my mother not just as an understudy but as a junior legislator. She could not be more proud and yet it leaves me as hollow as it has left her.

I love her, but Dad and I have both seen the toll shouldering a rebellion and then a fledgling government has taken, a responsibility that is my legacy, but standing here now I know I will never be her. Perhaps it's an inkling in the force or simply reason, but I know I will never follow the legacy her birth mother had unknowingly passed to her, and now to me. I am not a queen, nor a princess, and certainly not a senator.

I can see the past so clearly and yet when I look into the future all I see is uncertainty.

Her words calling for action in the senate are interrupted by the x-wings flying overhead as the military show begins and I know I would much rather be up there in the sky where I belong than down here.

[players-notebook]

I am a receptionist for a hotel. My job is to check people in when they come in. When they come in. I last saw people a few days ago..maybe months? I can't tell the time since it looks like it's always raining. I sometimes count how many diamond shapes are in our green wallpaper. Or how many times the wooden floorboards creak. My new pastime is counting how many times I hear the random knocking every hour; two hundred and twenty, if you were wondering.

Though...there was an incident lately that made me write  down my experiences here and upload it on the only site that won't crash or have a load time for what feels like days. Before I tell you what happened, let me explain something swiftly.

My job is to sit behind the front desk, check-in and out random suitcases that appear, and sleep in the armchair whenever I'm tired. I only remember the one significant rule I was told; Never go through the doors. So I never entertained the idea since I'm honestly a coward.

Then last night, I had a dream.

Reaching out, I traced the number etched into the wooden block attached to the door. With cautious hands, I turned and pushed the door open. Walking into the room with hesitating steps, my eyes scanned the room.

It looked like an average room, one you would find inside a house but no lobby. Feeling uneasy, I quickly walked to the next door, yanking hard on the doorknob. My attempt to proceed was stopped by a lock on the door, making my heart flutter. The feeling of intruding into someone's space made my face hot. What if a guest came in and saw me? I could potentially lose this job..and I need this job.

Seeing a door, I rushed over to it and pushed it open. Inside was a bed, a wardrobe, and a nightstand. Sitting on the neatly made bed was the key to the door. Snatching it swiftly, I hurried to unlock the door.

I need to find... what do I need to find? What do I need to remember? I turned back to the room in hopes I could just return back...only to find the number the room I was in had...melted.

I reached to touch it and yanked it back with a loud hiss. Falling to my knees and clutching my hand to my chest to ease the pain. The black substance was no longer on my hand.. but my fingers looked red and felt tender.

As the pain throbbed and subsided, I slowly pushed myself back up to look into the room. Ahead of me was a door, but as I walked towards it, a set of stairs to my right led down to another door. My breath caught in my throat when I looked back at the door in front of me, the number reading twenty-four and the one downstairs reading twenty-five.

I could even remember the room I was stuck in, let alone the one I was on now! Nervously I etched closer to the door in front of me, my anxiety making my breath uneven. I stopped, looking down at the door below.

"Maybe..." I mumbled out loud, turning to take the stairs to the door. The sounds of rumbling were louder. Was this the way back up front? The rumbling was so familiar to the comfortable storms that I slept too.

I reached to trace the etching of the door. It felt off.. the engraving needed to be more balanced and well-made. I stepped back slightly, confused. Was it just me? But the rumbling...

"Fuck it.." I breathed out, reaching out to open the door. My blood chilled as my eyes landed on two large bloodshot eyes. It's big toothy grin dripped with blood. It lunged with an earsplitting scream, grabbing me by my leg. I screamed as it dragged me into the darkness, my attempts to escape ripped away.

As I said, it was a nightmare.. but it felt so weird to me because when I woke back up at the front desk, my ears were ringing. That's not all! I only discovered it now while writing, but my fingers...the tips of them are red. If I press too hard onto them, they still hurt.

I keep hearing knocking on the wall behind me when I'm behind my desk. It keeps itching away at my brain, and I'm trying my best to ignore it. But..the key to the lock is right behind me, and the more I forget it..., the more I want to unlock it and venture inside.

I'm thinking about using my pocket notebook I keep in my drawer. I'll write whatever I can there and hope to learn more about what this place is. I'm leaving a note just in case...if one of my theories is correct, then I'm going to need a reminder.

[aonoexpat]

Stumbled a little bit, but getting back up!

14-02-2023

After the rush of running around getting a bank account, a tax number, a phone number, a guitar, a more permanent place to stay and a job, I somehow, miraculously, weirdly, had a little dip in my energy levels. So I spent some days sorting myself out a little more calmly, and granted myself a late afternoon trip to the beach for my first swim!

The weather was still lovely and the water was very refreshing, though I hurried out again quite quickly when I saw a sting ray egg and confused it for a jellyfish 😅

That night my friend took me to Wilton's bush to go glow worm spotting. It was absolutely magical to see them just hanging (literally) around in such numbers. Unfortunately my camera couldn't capture their faint light, but imagine that starry tunnel in Efteling's Droomvlucht and you'll get an accurate idea of what it looked like. We also saw some spiders, and eels in the creek (I touched one and it was YUCKY):

The next day we went on a beautiful hike along the Skyline track, which was my first introduction to the scorching Aotearoa sun. I applied SPF50 broad-spectrum sunscreen a total of four times in three hours and still got very close to getting burned. But the views were grand! It's funny how hills in the background can sometimes feel like generated terrain in video games, like places outside of the map you can move in as a player. But you can just walk up them, and there's a path there, and you can go anywhere you like, and it makes you feel really free 😊

The background choir of cicadas is still ringing in my ears. These noisy little bugs are everywhere around here, but difficult to spot sometimes. I managed to capture this one on film, but be warned: it's LOUD

I ended up with two huge blisters on my heels from the hike, but don't you think for a second that that stopped me from going to a ceilidh dance at the local Gaelic Club that evening! Had a grand time, and the keyboard player celebrated his 90th birthday with us :)

The next day it was time to put my skills to the test and try my hand at busking at the Harbourside fruit & veggie market. I got there way too late so it was tricky to find a good spot, but I ended up playing for about 2.5 hours and made upwards of 30 bucks, so I was pretty content! I also got gifted a plate of food and a nice cold can of Sprite by a passer-by, and a lady told me to get a loudspeaker so people could hear me better. Luckily I already got my hands on one the other day, so next time I'll bring it!

A great experience all in all, but unfortunately this was also my second encounter with the intensity of the sun, and this time I wasn't as well-prepared.

As you can see, it was a fairly overcast day, so I thought it was safe enough. But I sorely (again, literally) regret putting off applying sunscreen for as long as I did, for the next day my friend found me throwing up in the bathroom with a bright red and swollen face. "Sun stroke? Yeah. It happens." He got me a glass of water and some rehydration medicine and kept a watchful eye over me the rest of the day. It's times like this when I curse the pressing issue of online privacy because I vowed not to upload pictures of my face on this blog but by god you should have seen it, it's still not back to normal and probably won't be for up to a week. It's painful and itchy and has started to peel now, and every time I look in the mirror I'm reminded of what a fool I was for thinking it would be fine. A hard-learned lesson I won't soon forget.

Here's my artist's rendition of the transformation of my face:

So, I've been taking it easy since then: staying in as much as possible, watching some House of the Dragon on my friend's HBO account, convincing my bank that yes, I do have a valid visa, and no, I'm not laundering money, and figuring out how to work that loudspeaker for next weekend's markets. There's a storm raging over the North Island right now, cyclone Gabrielle, so staying in isn't much of a punishment. Te Whanganui-a-tara mostly experiences rain and strong winds, luckily nothing that warrants alarm, let alone evacuations.

Tomorrow I start my training at the bar, which I'm very excited about! It turns out the wages as established in my contract are a little stingy, but I'll live. I'm happy to have something for now, and if I don't enjoy it enough, I'll leave again. I look forward to having more of a routine, and a steady income to ease my worries a little. Life here is expensive, and with money transfers from The Netherlands taking several working days to arrive I'm feeling a little anxious every now and then. Luckily my friends here are happy to help me out if necessary. I'm very, very lucky to have them to rely on over here ❤️

[ribbitdeltarune]

the post like i said. its been 2 days later (maybe a bit more. im a bit late at this point..) But! 14 of november! My birthday !!! :p didnt do anything for myself but i did spend some (more like a ton) time with friends

so ahead will just be rambling . read if u want

Alriiight so. i am. Dead. i dont post very often . Thats bcuz i dont actually have a active online presence when it comes 2 posting lol this is sorta my first time . however i did post a few times on twitter before and got a decent following but that was basically never anyway . Thank you all for (checks notes) 19 followers! That. is a first actually

however i also kinda have 2 apologize since i dont post a lot which makes this account.. uh, semi-inactive? shrug. as i did mention before in a prev post i am holding back a lotta stuff that i havent posted yet . oops! i personally dont like posting irl photos because 1) i am actually dogwater at taking photos, 3) my camera quality sucks and 2) i dont actually draw on A4 paper very often or like notebook paper at all lol. (its this small one thats more like a notebook to write stuff down stuff you gotta remember, an agenda or whatever. not like i care i use it to draw anyway. it aint got lines its just full white paper (sometimes colored depending on the one i buy) so its for drawing in my view.) but the bad thing is most drawings i made of ribbit so far are... On Paper.

Now. I can just upload them as is but i dont like doing that . i can also just make them digital drawings but if you think im capable of doing that without immediately doing something else you may be wrong

Speaking of thats mostly why this acc is also semi-inactive . whenever i DO draw digitally im probably also doing another thing at the same time so i get distracted and then get stuck on doing something else completely and forget i have to draw!!! Oopsies. im also bad at executing things (''man im gonna draw ribbit right now'' (doesnt do it) (its also a 50/50 if i actually do it or not)) so thats part of it. do i Think posting and/or drawing ribbit stuff is a chore? Not really. i actually like drawing stuff 4 this fandom and im attached 2 the characters + the mod anyway so its not like im gonna stop This soon . not even a year in yet!

I also have a lot of ideas so i hop between 'em a lot (i have so many animations/animatics in mind but guess who cant animate and also drawing frames take longer than just drawing sighs)... thats why most posts on here is just doodles so far .

to be fair though i have been in a . Uh. I guess fine. Maybe a bit bad headspace as of a few weeks now so i havent really gotten the urge/want to post rn and who knows how long that'll take to go away anyway. thinking of trying 2 get sum stuff finished and then queueing a few posts just so i can get some brainworms out of ma head . and Who Knows if i'll really do that. Future Is Mystery!

Oh and to add i still need to finish or get to like maybe the 5th chapter for a fic im working on rn so theres that too. im still on chapter 4 (progress is fine. i think ill rewrite the dream segment?) and then i will Hopefully get 2 work on chapter 5. god bless being unable to execute things AND to spice it up focus on things (sarcasm)

i am however kinda busy these days. Schoolnstuff. I get in drawing moods a lot (literally everyday bro i dont get burnt out easily or get demotivated that much bc i just finish it eventually anyway) but i need to pass math to pass the year itself so maybe no art posts until thats done. i might post every now and then though. Speaking of posting! Did you know VeeReMia is actually a pun on viremia which is, ''a medical term for viruses present in the bloodstream''. vee came first as part of the instrumental theme, and then maxine added the other syllables. Fun isnt it (i cant stop thinking about it now)

Thanks for reading . I think thats all. Maybe. Shrug.

Also current pfp is placeholder i also need 2 make one BANGS FISTS ON TABLE REPEATEDLY