#i finished the game like 3 weeks ago but I’m starting to finally draw digital stuff today

[kruelsaffron]

Friends!!

[hapuriainen]

Hapuriainen's Animation & Comics & Games of 2020

It is again time for the annual compilation!

Manga:

Attack on Titan

I'm so sad this is so close to end... It's been my main thing for a few years now. Eren definitely didn't take the route I expected but I still find this consistent with his character and a bold and interesting move from the author.

(My notes say I also finished the jr high spin-off manga but it's not worth talking about)

Awards given: Best Side Girl (I still like Gabi, haters gonna hate), Best Boy (ditto Eren)

One Piece, My Hero Academia My interest in OP is still at an all-time low and I'm just waiting for the arc to end. There are so many characters and I have little idea what their deal is, Carrot hasn't been interesting in ages and currently Yamato is the only character I care for. Same for HeroAca; at least the excruciatingly long action scene is finally over.

Undead Unluck New Jump series! I think the main duo have a really good dynamic, but they're pretty much the only thing I care about and I'm very lost with what the plot is actually supposed to be about.

Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro

I like detective stories so here's one from the Assassination Classroom creator! The detective stuff itself could get rather nonsensical and as the story progressed more and more fantasy elements were added, but the titular character was entertaining enough to keep me interested. The viewpoint character was refreshingly (for a Jump series) a girl and her dynamic with Neuro (an ordinary schoolgirl and an arrogant amoral troll demon) was great.

Awards given: Best non-romantic relationship (Neuro & Yako)

Spy x Family

Super fun and the characters are cute!  The main couple has such great chemistry and in general I enjoy following characters who are really competent at their job. Not surprised that this has become hugely popular.

Awards given: Best romance (it is rare to get me to ship anything but the main couple here is just so cute)

Delicious in Dungeon

This manga has amazing character design and the author clearly loves to play around with it, like by drawing each character as each other's races, or making clones of everyone but each clone is a little different so you can guess which is the real one with the characters, and there's so much thought put to the outfits too. And then there's of course all the worldbuilding around how an RPG dungeon and the creatures in it could work, but it's presented simply enough that the story is still easy to follow. I also like the upbeat atmosphere; maybe I could get a bit more emotionally involved if there was more drama, but I still really like this as it is.

Awards given: Best character designs

Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou

Reread one of my favourite manga ever and it's still just as good. I love how the manga still has a positive vibe to it, under it there is the quiet melancholy of a world that is close to ending. And it's wonderful how uninterested the story is answering any of the worldbuilding questions it sets up.

Beastars

This was incredibly interesting in how it presented an animal society where the carnivore-herbivore differences couldn't be just explained away with "the differences don't really exist", and the story looks at this from so many different angles. Pairs really well with Zootopia for a completely different approach. Louis was a really interesting character with how he publicly managed to appear as if he was a good candidate to be the next ambassador for the peace between the animals but was actually very cold and broken inside, and I really liked his breakdown moment. The ending was pretty meh though.

Awards given: Best Side Boy (Louis)

Kannagi

This one has really cute character designs but apart from that it's a pretty generic harem story. Except for the twist that the main girl already had been involved with a boy which caused otaku to shred their manga or whatever. I believe I would have enjoyed this more if it finished back when it went to hiatus since at this point it didn't do much for me.

Witch Hat Atelier

The main girl is the kind of heroic, friendly, plucky goody-two-shoes protagonist I really don't like but apart from that this is a great manga. I love the art, and the way the magic works is really well set up but also easy to understand. Great outfits too!

Anime:

This year I learned that in order to clear stuff from your anime watch list you need to actually watch anime. So unexpectedly I think I watched a lot more different series than usual.

Attack on Titan

It was my plan to watch seasons 1-3 before jumping on board with the last one, and of course I dragged my feet for the entire year and had to marathon the whole thing in autumn. I still prefer the manga, but the anime does have great colours, soundtrack and voice acting and some of the action scenes were amazing. But I really hate what they did to Historia in season 3... The final season has been excellent so far and I can't wait for the big scene in the next episode.

Awards given: Best OP (all the Linked Horizon ones)

Ouran High School Host Club

Haruhi continues to be one of the best girls in the anime and manga industry ever with her confident and no-nonsense attitude, and Tamaki's oblivious and overflowing friendliness makes for a great counterpart to her. And the opening theme is so darn catchy.

Awards given: Best Girl (Haruhi)

Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann Finally managed to watch this. I love the iconic character designs and all the chaotic energy. Kamina for best bro. I've never cared for mecha, the girls were nice but the writing around them sucked and the second half wasn't as strong as the first one, but still a good package overall.

Awards given: Best ED (don't care for the song that much but Simon looks somehow really cool in the second ending)

Haibane Renmei

Another one that had been on the watch list for years. A lovely quiet and contemplative show. Visuals were rather dull though but maybe it's better for a show like this that the characters didn't have bubblegum pink hair.

Digimon Adventure 2020

This started promising but has since lost steam. I really like how different the story is from the original Digimon Adventure, and compared to Precure it's super nice how not every episode has the exact same structure, and the cast has different roles and regularly gets split up instead of shoehorning everyone into every conflict. But on the other hand the characters feel way more samey and flat, and the original "kids want to return to their home from the Digital World" plot was a lot more personal than the current one about global crises and prophecy jargon. And some of the action scenes last way too long.

Awards given: Worst side boy (Agumon and his evolutions, it is of course expected that he'd get a lot of screen time but I'm so over how much he's constantly pushed in your face in the franchise)

Shuumatsu Nani Shitemasu ka? Isogashii Desu ka? Sukutte Moratte Ii Desu ka?

This wasn't afwul but still left me kind of cold. I think the character designs were a problem here, in general I'm used to brightly coloured anime characters but this was trying to be a very serious story about child soldiers who know they're going to die young. But when they were colour-coded and always wore the same clothes (and mostly had pretty generic animu girl personalities) they felt so artificial which made it harder to get into the drama. Nice OP song.

Yashahime

Inuyasha was my first show after really getting into anime so I was super hyped for any kind of new content. So far this has unfortunately been rather dull since I'm not particularly interested in either of Sesshoumaru's daughters, and the way the show treats the absence of the old cast is annoying. Just either show them or make it clear we're not supposed to care about them, now it's just annoying how their disappearance is treated as a mystery but the three heroines know barely anything about their heritage and don't even seem interested in learning either. But I'll watch this to the end for Moroha.

Kaitou Tenshi Twin Angels, Twin Angel Break, Pretear, Happy Seven, Healin' Good Precure

Watched a lot of magical girl stuff this year too, these being shows that play the tropes straight. The Twin Angel seasons had different flaws but were otherwise watchable aside from the awful Twin Angel Break heroine. Pretear had surprisingly nice character writing and I feel I would really have liked this if I saw it at an earlier part of my anime hobby experience but now it doesn't feel so special any more. Healin' Good Precure has been rather dull.

I also watched a bunch of Precure movies, out of which only the Star Twinkle Precure one was actually good, and the Spring Carnival crossover movie was also good in an absurd way, while the rest ranged from awful to somewhat decent.

Awards given: Worst girl (Meguru - Twin Angel Break), Biggest WTF (Happy Seven suddenly going from monster of the week shenaningans to alien mass destruction weapons)

Concrete Revolutio, Myriad Colors Phantom World, Re:Creators

Also some anime where the magical girl was a side character. Concrete Revolutio was an unpleasant mess with nice visuals, Myriad Colors was a pretty boring otaku high school harem thing and the magical girl episode was also rather bland, and Re:Creators had a lot of potential with the "anime characters come to our world" setting but the result was somewhat uneven. Re:Creators had the best magical girl out of these three.

Awards given: Worst non-romantic relationship, Worst side girl (Setsuna from Re:creators, with the main boy) not really an awful character on her own, but the writing around her was pretty bad, let's also give Worst Boy for the said main boy

Nausicaa

I watched the first half of the movie over a decade ago and didn't manage to finish until now. After seeing so many other Ghibli movies this didn't do much for me, but the animation and nature were still beautiful.

Western:

Most Popular Girls in School

The newer seasons didn't reach the heights of the earlier ones but there's still something entertaining about a very raunchy Barbie doll stop motion show. Also pairs well with the Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse for a fun but more child friendly Barbie experience.

Frozen 2

I'm wondering if these really are the only Western piece of media I consumed this year? I certainly didn't go to movies after March. Anyway, like the previous film I had major problems with the plot and characters (I don't think Elsa's story was set up properly, Kristoff's sub-plot feels like an afterthought when he doesn't factor to Anna's sub-plot at all, Olaf is annoying, too much Lore) but ultimately I still had a good time. I like the costume design, the idea for Elsa's arc is fine, the songs are great and there were plenty of good scenes too, and the lullaby was beautiful. I'd say that like the original Frozen this was patched together from perfectly serviceable pieces that didn't quite work combined.

Awards given: Worst romance (not the pairing itself but the way Kristoff x Anna was written)

Games:

Animal Crossing Pocket Camp

Early this year I just decided not to open this app for the daily money-grubbing grind and haven't touched it since. I'm free!

Animal Crossing New Horizons

However the daily grind continues here! It's been way more enjoyable, primarily due to lacking the microtransactions/limited time item angle and also for being so much more customisable. And the nature is so pretty... But I've reached a point where even this has started to feel kind of stale.

Super Mario Odyssey

My first Mario game since Super Mario World so of course I'm blown away by everything. I like how colourful and welcoming the worlds were, Cappy was a surprisingly enjoyable sidekick/mascot and also the game was easy enough and had a simple linear plot so it was far easier to approach than Zelda BotW which is still on hold.

Plans for 2021

Actually play Zelda BotW

Maybe finally Evangelion?

Finally finish the mostly disappointing Digimon Adventure tri

Various magical girl sequels and remakes

[clevercatchphrase]

2020 Year Review~

2020. Pretty unique year, don’t you think? It’s the first year since 2002 to have only two different digits in it. After 2022, this won’t happen again until 2111. Yep. Absolutely nothing more interesting than that.

Anyway! It’s time I reflect on my 2020, look back on my yearly goals and rant about things that happened to me this year. I made a post like this last year, where I went over my 2019 goals and talked about what I accomplished and what I didn’t, and it’s only fitting I do the same again this year. Read more under the cut for a random stream of consciousness ramble!

So, first things first, let’s look at my 2019 goals;

Finish paying off that last student loan

Put more stuff on my redbubble

Illustrate my own fan fics

Sew at least one stuffed animal

Make an enamel pin

Read one new book a month

Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic

Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make

Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch

Boost my patreon

 Paying Off My Last Student Loan: Going down the list, I am proud to say that I FINALLY paid off all my student loans! (and not a moment too soon. The last payment I made was literally days before the first quarantine rolled out). It took me roughly 4 years on my part-time paycheck to pay off all my loans, and once I finished, I had no money to my name (literally; I had less than 1k as emergency money in case of car troubles or health issues). Heck, I’m STILL living at home as a save up for a place of my own. Finally paying off all my student loans DID activate my secret 2020 new year’s resolution, which was to adopt a cat! I did this too, literally a week later! She is the best thing that’s happened to me this entire year and I love her so much and she is the snuggliest cuddle bug I’ve ever met. I’m so happy she’s in my life now~

Put More Stuff On My Redbubble: ah ha ha ha… I thought I did this, but then I went and checked, and it turns out-! I did not. I made art I intended to go on my redbubble, but haven’t put there yet. They are all drawings of some OCs from a game I want to make, but because I haven’t progressed on making the game this year, I never got around to putting more stuff related to it on my redbubble. At the time of writing, there are 7 days left in December, so I guess I could go and put it up on my redbubble right now, but without context on where the characters are from, there wouldn’t be much point, now would there?

 Illustrate My Own Fan Fics: Another goal that I was so stoked to actually do… and then just didn’t. Gee, I wonder why I couldn’t find the energy or motivation to do it this year? Truly a conundrum. (Hey, you know what? If Ghost Switch counts as a fan fiction in a visual form, then I am doing GREAT on this goal. 2.5 years in, 1 of ~4 arcs done, and still going steady~)

 Sew At Least One Stuffed Animal: Okay, I have a valid excuse for not doing this one. I even knew which stuffed animal I wanted to make, and had the pattern drawn out and everything, but I had no money for materials because I had just paid off my student loans. And then, by the time I did have enough money again, quarantine was in full effect and I couldn’t go out to the fabric store. I’m still trying my best to stay out of public places even if the rules are laxer now, because I don’t want to catch the plague even if everyone in my goddamn city thinks and acts like the problem is over already. Even if they’re all wearing masks, even if they’re staying 6 feet apart, I still don’t want to risk it. I will stay inside until health experts give the all clear, and when that day comes, then I will buy some fleece and make a plush.

 Make An Enamel Pin: I ACTUALLY DID THIS ONE. TWICE! Halfway through quarantine, I was feeling anxious and depressed about my job and how they were planning to have me work with the public despite climbing infection rates and positive covid cases. I didn’t quit then, but in a desperate move to try and become self-sufficient, I went to madebycooper and made two enamel pins based on some butterfly dragons I drew last year. They’re on my etsy store now! I even went out of my way to open a P.O. box just to start a small business! I haven’t sold a single pin yet, and I’m actually really nervous to sell my first because I don’t trust the efficiency of the postal system thanks to the actions of the GOP that really screwed them over this year! (If you would like to see my enamel pins, click here!)

 Read One Book A Month: I did this! With dragon books I bought a couple years back! In fact, I read FOURTEEN dragon books, and still have more books for next year to read! The 14 books I read this year were:

 The Hive Queen

The Poison Jungle

Wings Of Fire Legends: Dragonslayer

Dealing With Dragons

Searching For Dragons

Calling on Dragons

Talking to Dragons

The Bronze Dragon Codex

The Brass Dragon Codex

The Black Dragon Codex

The Red Dragon Codex

The Silver Dragon Codex

Dragon Strike, and

Hatching Magic

 To be honest, I had read The Red Dragon Codex years ago when it first came out, but completely forgotten what it was about. I remembered liking it, and I knew the reading level was on the lower side, but the whole dragon codex series was pretty good! So far, the Silver dragon codex was my favorite, and black dragon codex was probably the worst! Hatching Magic was also really slow and bad and had plot points that went nowhere, but the book was written in the 80s, so I don’t know what I expected. The Dealing with Dragons series was very charming and great for the most part, save for one line in the last book that really rubbed me the wrong way, and all the Wings of Fire Books go above and beyond in this third arc. The second legends book could be a little tighter, though (sky and wren are the best duo and I want a book solely about them, but I honest to god do not care about leaf and ivy’s stories.)

 Write one Page of any story every day/ complete at least one fic: I… did this? Okay, I kinda cheated near the end of the year. I was keeping up the one page a day thing for the first four months, but then the world went to shit and my schedule and habits got disrupted and I fell off my good track record. I completed 7 out of roughly 12 one-shots I had planned for this year (my goal WAS supposed to be one short a month, but… you know how it happens) I kept trying to catch up on this goal all year, but the days kept piling up…. Until November hit. I managed to write over 250 pages for Nanowrimo, and I consider this goal a win. 365 pages of fiction in total, which averages out to about one a day~. SHUT UP IT COUNTS.

 Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make: Another goal I didn’t have the mental energy to commit to this year. Truly a mystery to where all our willpower went in 2020.

 Fully Finish Scripting Ghost Switch: still haven’t done this one yet! The Snowdin arc is completely planned, but I just haven’t gotten around to getting the other areas. I’m not worried, though. I know all the major plot points I gotta hit, it’s just weaving them together in a way that flows nice is the final task. I’m not too worried though. I don’t expect to finish the Snowdin arc for another year and a half, at the bare minimum.

 And my last goal of 2020, Boost My Patreon. I did this at the beginning of the year, but then very intentionally stopped about a third of the way through. It didn’t sit right with me to tell you guys to donate to me when suddenly EVERYONE was financially strained from layoffs or being furloughed. I told my patrons the same, and if you ever need to stop donating to me to take care of yourself first, then by all means, please do. I would feel much better knowing you’re using your money to see yourself fed and housed instead of given to me (where it is pretty much only used to buy gas for my car, honestly)

 Welp! That was all my goals for 2020! I achieved 4 out of 10 goals plus 1 secret goal! Pretty much the same ratio as last year, but now this time I can blame all my failures on the pandemic! I don’t feel so bad about myself anymore~

 ON TO 2021!

 I have 11 goals for the new year, again some rolled over from this list, and some from even older years. They are, in no particular order;

 Read 12 new books (roughly 1 book a month)

Finish the first draft of 2019’s Nanowrimo project and rewrite it

Script TDV

Finish Scripting Ghost Switch

Build A Comic Buffer

Sew 1 Stuffed Animal

Finish 1 Song Comic

Make another Enamel Pin

Finish 2 short original comics (this one counts as 2 goals)

Finish the 5 remaining one-shot fics

 Now to go into depth on each one, more for my own sake, really. I want to know exactly what I have planned for each goal this year, and sometimes just looking at a short list doesn’t capture all the smaller details.

 1)Read 12 new books. Same as last year! I The only difference is I might not be able to make it all dragon-related books. (I try my hardest not to buy from amazon anymore, but half-price-books doesn’t always have the obscure stuff I’m looking for)

 2)Finish 2019’s nanowrimo project. If you read my 2019 year reflection, you’ll notice I said I wanted to do some original writing. And I did! The story I wrote for nanowrimo back then was a story I’ve been toying with since 2017, but it was only last year I finally got pen to paper. Now, you may find it odd that the keyword says “finish”. You may think, “but isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for nanowrimo?” and to that I say, WRONG! I wrote 50k words for nanowrimo, but the draft was only about halfway complete. I was kinda discouraged about what I had written last year, because I didn’t like how it was coming out, but I did manage to get it half done. Now it’s time for me to bite the bullet and just finish the thing so I can finally revise it and make it into something I DO like. (It’s still gonna be hella long, tho. That’s what I get for trying to write an epic fantasy, I guess.)

 3)Script TDV. TDV is the abbreviation of the game I want to make. I… still need to do so much for this project OTL… In addition to getting the story solidified, I still need to draw art and game assets, and learn how to code for it, both of which are no small task. I keep having some sort of new year’s goal related to this on my list, and every year I just don’t hit this one. Will 2021 be different?

 4)Finish Scripting Ghost Switch. (Or at the very least, get the waterfall arc completely written out). I have a plan to break this down into simpler steps, by focusing on just one arc for a month or two. Every major arc has 2 to 3 parts, broken up by flashbacks, and if I can just finish one section a month, then I should have the entire thing scripted by the end of the year. It’s not a difficult pace, but seeing if I stick with it will be the real challenge, as it is will all my goals it seems.

 5)Build a Comic Buffer: I’m actually working on this one right now! Since I paid off my last loan and got a new job this year, my current Patreon goals are kind of out of date. They had all been centered around me paying off that last loan, and working towards full-time employment, but those are both completed now! So instead, I would love to get to a place where my patrons could read pages at least a week ahead, and to do that, I need to build a buffer. And since I’m working 5 full days a week now, I can’t afford to fall behind. But you can’t fall behind if you constantly stay ahead! I would like to have… a 10 to 12 page buffer. That’s roughly 3 months’ worth of pages to always have on hand in case I get swamped with work, or something. Right now I currently have a buffer of 3, which will cover me for half a January, which is better than not having anything at all, but still not the best. (ultimately, I would love to have a buffer so big, I could queue them up for the whole year. Wouldn’t that be something?)

 6) Sew one stuffed animal: same as last year. ASSUMING the plague gets under control in 2021, I don’t expect to get to this goal until the summer at the earliest.

 7)Finish 1 song comic: I have 7 song comics planned. One is a gift, one possibly for wandersong, one is a collab that’s currently in the works, but I’m waiting on a friend to do their part before I can continue mine, 2 are UT related, and 2 (well, technically 3, but one is the collab) are KH related. It’s one of the UT ones that will probably get finished, if I’m being honest. It’s completely story boarded, and now I just need to ink and color it. I would like to get it done for UT’s 6th birthday, since I made a song comic on the fly for the anniversary this year, and it was fun, and I’d like to do it again! So, look forward to that next september~

 8) Make another enamel pin: I have a dolphin design I’d like to make because dolphins are cute, if not little murder machines. (need to save up some expendable income first, tho. THESE THINGS AIN’T CHEAP TO MAKE.)

 9 and 10) start and finish 2 original short comics: I’ve got some comic ideas I want to do, but I need to get them written out first. I don’t think either would be too long. Each maybe a couple “episode’s” length, if envisioned on a website like webtoons or tapas. They’d both be heavy in allegory, but not overly drawn out (hopefully)

 11)And lastly, Finish the 5 remaining one-shots I had planned for this year but never got around to. I’m going to try to write one every other month. Pure self-indulgent shipping fluff. If I finish these 5, then maybe I’ll ask other people for more prompts and ideas, which I’ve never done before. We’ll see how it goes~

 Also, Like last year, I’d like to look at everything that’s happened to me this year, though to be honest, I’m not sure how much I remember/how accurate it’ll be. God, I don’t even remember what January was like. Who was I back then? Who were we all back then? I guess I’ll start my yearly retrospective in march because, heh, god we ALL know what started happening in march.

 Firstly, I paid off my last student loan! Then a week later on March 18th, I drove half an hour out of my city to adopt a cat and I love her and it was the best day of this year for me. Spring break is just beginning this weekend, but the attendance at the zoo is shockingly low this year. Apparently, a lot of people watch the news, and they’re all taking precautions about social distancing. I wasn’t too disappointed. Fewer people at the zoo, the easier my job is for me. I was looking forward to getting some free overtime on spring break, since I’m broke after paying off that loan, and I’m a cat parent now and have a furry child to feed. Monday rolls around. My manager calls me and tells me that the zoo is going into lockdown until further notice. I worry for the birds I take care of, but understand it’s for everyone’s safety.

 For two months I sleep in and watch way too much YouTube. I join a couple writing discords. I have nightmares about my birds escaping their enclosure and I dreamed one of the security guards I really like at the zoo gets covid and has to go to the ER. I woke up really upset.

 I started and finished BBS for the first time. I also replayed and finished KH2 final mix for the first time. It had been about 5 years since I last played KH2 before my PS2 died, and it was like coming home~ I also finished tearaway, and played and beat Ryme for a second time (which I can’t remember if I did that last year, but it was a fun experience regardless)

 Mid-June, and I’m allowed to start going back to work, be it on reduced hours. The zoo is still closed to the public, but I’m loving it! I get to work with full-time keepers and do full-time keeper things. It’s so much fun not having to deal with the public. August starts to creep up and there’s a rumor that the zoo will be opening to the public again, which I’m not stoked about. I don’t want to go back to standing in one exhibit all day, talking to guests who don’t listen to the rules or to me. 2 of my younger coworkers (who had both only been there a couple of months) get chosen for full-time positions, while I get passed up which really pisses me off. My other 2 coworkers quit when they think we might be reopening because they cannot risk catching the virus due to at-risk family. I am now the last keeper in the interactive bird exhibit.

 I keep working, the zoo slowly opens, but with me as the only interpreter in our interactive bird exhibit, we can’t open because I can’t run the entire exhibit by myself. So my exhibit stays closed. September comes and goes, and then October starts. Now there is more serious talk of opening my exhibit before the end of the year because the zoo expects to bring in larger crowds for the Christmas lights event in November/December. I ask if I get hazard pay or health insurance since I’m doing full-time hours until they hire more staff. They say no.

 I immediately start searching for a new job feeling incredibly indignant/hurt/slighted/insulted/used/abused/ALL the negative feelings at my job. I had been there for 4 years, but never got a chance to work full time, while the two newest hires who had only been there 2 months both got moved up. I can’t help but feel they were holding one mistake I made two years ago against me and never wanted to give me a chance. (that, or they knew I was reliable when it came to showing up for work in such a volatile position that sees a lot of new faces, and they didn’t want to bother going through the process of hiring someone new) I don’t want to risk my life working around guests who don’t wash their hands and don’t properly distance. I don’t want to gamble with my health when they won’t offer me health insurance because I’m part time.

 Mid October, I get an interview for a full time job and get hired on the spot. I peace out at the zoo 2 weeks later, literally 3 days before they planned to open my exhibit to the public. It was a close call for me to escape before they opened to the public (and pettiness was only partially the reason I dipped out so close to opening). Sorry new hires who are now in charge of the bird feeding exhibit. I taught you the best I could in the short time I had. If the managers are struggling with what to do with one less person, I can’t say I feel bad. I can only hope they delayed opening/closed you down again for your own safety. You are not lightbulbs. I really hope the higher ups stop considering you as replaceable as one. Will I go back to the zoo to visit? Probably. But not for a year at least.

 I started my new job the very next day after I quit the zoo, and have been there ever since, (which isn’t that long yet, tbh. Christmas day was my 2 month anniversary). It’s full time, but it’s also a small business, and everyone’s hours this year have been on the short side due to the plague. I understand, though. They don’t want us to work if they can’t afford to pay us. Everyone is nice enough, though some people smoke and it’s hard to avoid them with how frequently we have to go in and out, and I really don’t want to get lung cancer, sorry not sorry, please and thank you. Also, with such a small team, gossip is certainly harder to go undetected, so it’s a relief knowing people don’t talk behind one another’s backs.

 I participated and beat my 4th nanowrimo in a row, I made TWO apple crisps on thanksgiving, and made baklava on Christmas and both of these recipes were my first time making them, and they both came out adequately! I voted the first day of early voting, and I did an art trade/collab with two of my friends for my birthday! (normally we would have done monthly “art days” where we get together and do art projects for fun because we’re adults and we can spend our time together however we want, but the plague said otherwise this year) We drew pokemon and it was fun! (hopefully I can show you all the results soon. At the time of writing, I’m still waiting for the last two colored parts to get back to me)

 I reached 100 pages on my undertale comic, and finish the first arc out of…! (im not sure. It’s either going to be 4 or 5, I haven’t decided yet)

 Over all, I managed to stay healthy as far as I know. I wasn’t as productive as I wanted to be this year, but then again, who was? (don’t answer that. I don’t need that kind of comparison in my life right now)

 Will 2021be any better? Honestly? I don’t think so. Not right away, at least. Just because a new year is about to start does not mean the slate is completely wiped clean. The change of the calendar year doesn’t magically make all our current problems disappear. Covid will still be here and cases will still climb when January starts. Small business will still be strained when the month rolls over, police will still go on murdering innocent civilians and getting away scot free, amazon and disney will still be monopolizing all consumer goods and media, and I can’t help but feel like there’s an impending shit show about to go down on inauguration day. I do hope things will get better, though. It’ll be arduous and unpleasant, but I do hope things will improve, because sometimes hoping is all you can do.

 Good night.

[agentreeb]

Tag Game!

I was tagged by @jemmablossom Thank you!!💙

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? - White with a floral pattern

2. Name a food you never eat - Any type of berry because I’m allergic

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? - Honestly my body is just dramatic. In summer I’m always too warm and in winter I’m always freezing

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? - Finishing a project for my digital editing class

5. What’s your favorite candy bar? - Huesitos. It’s Spanish but it’s basically a wafer dipped in chocolate

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? - Yes. I’m a gymnast and therefore like to watch gymnastics, so I attended the finals of one of the championships a few years back. I’ve also been to a couple of football games (soccer for all the Americans)

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? - “De nada (You’re welcome)”. I was helping my brother with a drawing exercise and he thanked me

8. What is your favourite ice cream? - Pistachio or hazelnut. I went to Italy as part of an exchange program for a week, and after tasting those flavors in good ice cream it was a game changer

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? - Water

10. Do you like your wallet? - I guess, it’s really pretty

11. What is the last thing you ate? - I looked up the name in English and apparently it’s called nougat. We call it “turrón” here and since it’s a Christmas snack, I bought it recently

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? - Nope, I haven’t gone shopping in a while

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched? - I wanna say football (soccer) because my family is a big fan 

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? - Salty

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? - A friend

16. Ever been camping? - Yes, a couple of times

17. Do you take vitamins? - Yup, for my hair since it has been falling out

18. Do you regularly attend a place of worship? - No, I’m not religious

19. Do you have a tan? - Yeah, I’m usually tan all year long

20. Do you prefer chinese or pizza? - Pizza

21. Do you drink your soda through a straw? - I don’t like soda (I don’t like the bubbles) so no

22. What color socks do you usually wear? - Black or white

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? - Here you can only get your license when you’re 18+ and I’m 19, so I haven’t had a change to get my license yet

24. What terrifies you? - Recently I’ve been having a lot of death anxiety, not my own but of the people I love

25. Look to your left, what do you see? - My closet

26. What chore do you hate most? - I dislike al of them... probably tidying up

27. Wat do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? - Oh cool an English accent! (In the worst at telling them apart)

28. What’s your favorite soda? - As I said, I don’t like soda

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? - Drive through unless I’m out with friends

30. What’s your favorite number? - Used to be 4, nowadays I don’t really care

31. Who’s the last person you talked to? - My brother

32. Favorite meat? - I like chicken and beef

33. Last song you listened to? - Drive from the musical of the lightning thief

34. Last book you read? - Ehh... fanfic?

35. Favorite day of the week? - Saturday

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? - Nope

37. How do you like your coffee? - A latte with two teaspoons of sugar

38. Favorite pair of shoes? - My white converse

39. Time you normally get up? - I start university in the afternoon this year, so I wake up at 10am and usually go to bed at 2am

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? - Sunset

41. How many blankets on your bed? - One, my mother gave it to me as a present and it’s my favorite one

42. Describe your kitchen plates  - White and basic

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment - Clean? I live with my mom and my brother still and she’s very clean

44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? - Mojito. I don’t really like alcohol though so I haven’t tried many. Also I’m aware that most people probably won’t know this drink, so I guess google of you’re interested😅

45. Do you play cards? - Yes!

46. What color is your car? - I don’t have a license. My mom’s car is silver

47. Can you change a tire? - nope

48. Your favorite state or province? - I’m from Spain... I’ve visited the states but only went to Florida and Georgia so I can’t really say

49. Favorite job you’ve had? - I’m an animation student, aka I’m still in uni, aka I haven’t had a job😂

Tagging: @valentinaonthemoon @beth-is-rainpaint @3cf @2minutes2midnight @springmagpies and anyone else who feels like doing it :)

[salamandrinanana]

Two weeks into quarantine

Well, plus 3 days now. Took me a bit of time to get on my laptop without anyone looking over my shoulder constantly. 

Quarantine started for me with not physically being able to leave the house for a few days. I never expected those planned “few days” to turn into two weeks, but then on day 2 it was announced that all universities were going to close the next day, which was quite a shock to me. I didn’t expext for things to change that quickly and I don’t know how long things will stay this way. Here’s a bit about how those two weeks have been, who knows how many will follow:

- I’ve been outside for 2 hours max. in these two weeks. Felt oddly reassuring to see that my town hasn’t changed at all. First time out was on day 8 or 9.

- Stayed awake for 39 hours at the beginning of it all. Not fun. And not by choice. I was in too much pain to relax. Got myself dosed up on ibuprofen and slept for 12 hours straight.

- I had exactly one online class. I hated it. Felt really weird and I kept losing focus. Also: group discussions don’t work when you’re thrown in a seperate chatroom thing and your random group members are all afraid of turning on their mic so nothing ends up happening.

- Apart from that online class I haven’t done shit for uni. Can’t focus at home with my brother working in his bedroom a.k.a. constantly calling people and my mother watching TV downstairs when she isn’t at work.

- I’m now in week 1 of 3 of what was supposed to be my official exam period with midterms and shit. I’ve got 3 exams that are going on as normal, because I had to do those at home anyway and there’s one that’s going to be changed a bit so you can do it at home. We’re only going to get 2 hours for that though, normal time for the exam, which absolutely sucks. For the others I have 2 weeks.

- I actually started writing a story. Me. Writing. Never thought I’d get to that point. Progress is really slow, I’m only 2.5k words in and there are lots of details I’m still unsure about and I have no idea wtf is supposed to happen in it yet, but hey I’m writing. It’s about a girl discovering she has superpowers. It’s terrible. She finds out when she tries to kill herself about 500 words in. Yikes why is my brain like this. Oh right because I’m an idiot and my childhood wish of being able to fly has come back to haunt me and I’m telling myself to never try to commit suicide. Writing this is a bit of a weird way of doing it though.

- I also tried digital drawing on this Autodesk SketchBook app. I sort of finished my drawing and it kind of looks how I wanted it to, but I am never going to try that again. Three days of endless fucking pain and getting cramps in my fingers.

- My random obsession with the Chernobyl disaster is back. I’ve spent a lot of time on YouTube watching “stalkers” illegally entering the exclusion zone and staying there for a few days. Fascinating stuff. Would never dare to go there myself.

- I went back to one of those game sites for children that I used to spend hours on as a kid. Because fuck it. (Logical combo of course: Chernobyl and dress-up games; that shit happened on the same day.)

- Looks like I haven’t lost my ability to recognise a Depeche Mode song in 0.4s in the SongPop app.

I’m also pretty good at recognising Neubauten, though they’re kinda hard to find in the game.

- Witnessed Blixa Bargeld making broccoli soup. Possibly the best hour in the whole of these two weeks. He danced!!! 

- Got a phone call from my university's study abroad coordinator. Was told that none of the universities I wanted to go to (Glasgow, Brighton and Manchester) were possible for me. Which is a rare thing, that none of your choices work out; of course that shit happens to me, I seem to be a magnet for bad luck! I somehow managed to keep it together while on the phone, but I was ready to scream or cry. Not sure which. Both have not happened yet but still possible. Now I'm looking into the other options she gave me. Will probably end up going to Leeds. If it's even possible to go anywhere by that time with this whole corona bullshit situation. Well, at least I haven't been rejected...

- Ready to kill my mother and brother because they will never understand how goddamn terrified I am of phone calls. They always think I'm stupid and exaggerating, while they haven't felt my heart pounding in my chest whenever my phone rings. I'm always scared of not knowing what to say. When it's an unknown number it's even worse, having absolutely no idea of what to expect.

- Finally watching series 7 of Endeavour on a Belgian TV channel. 

And, last but not least:

- The VHS Tapes Adventure

I found a big shopping bag full of VHS tapes and dragged out the old VCR. Six of the tapes contained footage of tiny ass kid me and my brother, who’s two years older than me.

I had never seen these tapes before, so it was a bit overwhelming. I had no idea we had footage that actually included sound! All the stuff I had seen before was made with a crappy camera with no sound.

I saw myself when I was less than a day old. I saw myself walk at 10 months. I heard myself slowly learning how to talk. I saw myself in one of those typical “child tries something new to drink and is totally amazed by it” moments, drinking coca cola and immediately demanding more. I saw my now dead grandmother, holding me, playing with me, and I heard her voice again. I cried.

God, it was so overwhelming; and it was weird to actually use a VCR again, last time I did that was over 10 years ago. I had one fuck-up though followed by a bit of a panic attack. I think the VHS went in at a slightly wrong angle, there was lots of noise and then it came out with some tape sticking out of it. God I was terrified, I had never experienced that before and we don’t have backups of any of that childhood footage. I ran to my mum and cried like a baby. She fixed it and was not really worried.

Also, I was left slightly pissed off. I witnessed all of my brother’s birthday parties, starting with his first, but the only birthday party I saw that was for me was when I turned four. Also, there’s a lot more footage of my brother in general. And I know it’s completely stupid, and I get that it was different with my brother because he was the first child, but it still makes me feel bad. 

.

.

.

I know there probably won’t be anyone reading this, or getting this far, and I know all of this is not relevant to you even in the slightest, but it feels good to write stuff and share it somewhere at least in the knowledge that someone out there might read this and possibly care? We're in a weird situation right now and I don't really have anyone to talk to. I only speak to other students (I don't really dare to call them friends - we just sort of talk when we see each other but not really outside of that) when I see them in person, so I have not been in contact with them at all these past weeks. This is the only place where I can share stuff now, also because this is the only social media account none of my family are aware of. And it’s really good to have something away from them so that I don’t have to feel embarrassed.

[assortedfruitsnacks212]

I miss you, Tumblr! + Life update on stuff and things

Heyyyyy everyone. I figured it was high time I made a proper post talking about, well, everything that’s happened since I stopped posting so much. I don’t like that I disappeared - this site was where I discovered Reylo and made some truly awesome friends. So I want to stick around, you know? And I do hope to come back more often from now on. It’s just hard juggling so many social media platforms...

But ANYWAY. I promised an update, so here we go.

1. I’m moving across the country!

That’s right ladies and gents, I’m fleeing the New Jersey coop for my old hometown of Huntsville, AL. 

Why, you ask? Well, Huntsville is very much a city of the future. As the home of NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center (where they built the Saturn V rockets!) Huntsville has earned the well-deserved moniker "Rocket City USA." It's also undergoing a huge economic boom, which has led to a thriving arts community.

New Jersey? Eh.

I'm tired of just treading water and not making headway toward my dreams. I’ll talk about those dreams a bit more in this post. Needless to say, they’re very, very important to me.

So I'm not settling anymore. In August/September, I'm packing up shop and heading down south. It's the start of something new, and I can’t wait.

2. I started a Patreon for my passion project, and it’s going well <3

My passion project, The Oracle Fragment, has been the one thing I’ve returned to over and over again for the past 10+ years. Late last year I decided to step up my commitment by starting a Patreon. I’ve only done a soft launch so far, and I’m already at 38 Patrons :) It’s been a rewarding month!

My official launch is scheduled for Wednesday, February 27. I’ll be celebrating with a Twitch stream with fun games, sketch requests, and maybe a little giveaway ;) The stream starts at 9pm EST. Let me know if you want to come - as you know, I take Reylo requests ;)

3. I’ve returned to my roots: pencil drawing!

A friend of mine convinced me to do some traditional drawing again, and I’m so glad he did. I’d forgotten how lovely it is to put pencil to paper. Also, I know I’m far better at it than I am at digital sketching. So I’m gonna let myself indulge a bit - and maybe even find a way to marry my pencil art TO my digital art. People do it all the time, I hear ;)

People who are waiting on commissions: if you want me to sketch your ideas traditionally, shoot me a message and let’s talk about it! If I do a pencil sketch for you, I can actually mail it to you OR to the friend of your choice. Shipping is free! (unless it’s international in which case we’ll discuss it) @reylorianlovechild @immortalpen @faithren @rebelrebelreylo @jesssssah

4. I’m putting my art in local stores

My favorite stores in Woodstown, Barney Loves Books and the Woodstown Coffee Shop and Bakery, have agreed to let me display my art on their premises. I’m REALLY excited and also a little overwhelmed :) I’m gonna start small, with just a basket of prints and originals... BUT who knows where it could go from here :) 

If you’re in the Woodstown area, come take a look sometime! Woodstown is about 40 minutes away from Philadelphia. As a bonus, we could even meet - just message me and we’ll go get coffee from the bakery!

5. I’m raising money for Star Wars Celebration

I bought Saturday passes for my husband and me some time ago. Now it’s time for me to either (A) raise the money for travel and lodging, or (B) sell the tickets to someone else. :p For a while I was leaning toward just selling them, but hell, it would be SO nice to go, if only for a day! So I’m going to give it a shot. Keep an eye out for commission openings (once my current ones are finished) and other cool stuff!

6. I’m doing more portrait work

Again, this is all because my friends and family convinced me to... BUT I’ve decided to make a whole-assed attempt at making my portrait work a thing. I’m printing up brochures to display with my art, and I’ve revamped my listings on Etsy.

Portraits are my strongest point, after all. There’s something about the human face that utterly enchants me, and people tell me I have the ability to capture the subject’s heart and soul on paper. I’ve decided to believe them. :)

If you’ve been thinking about commissioning a portrait of a friend, family member, or other loved one (including fictional loves *coughKylocough*), you can go to my Etsy here, or just message me here on Tumblr.

Speaking of Etsy...

7. I’m adding lots more stuff to my Etsy store

I haven’t done much with Etsy since last summer, and it’s time I fixed that. Over the weekend, I FINALLY added a print option for Elf lord Kylo Ren (!!), and I’m about to add merch for him, too. Oh, and I just ordered fine art prints of Elven Kylo and Hades and Persephone Reylo so I can put out hand-embellished versions of them!! That’s where I paint on the prints with gold or silver so they look extra shiny and pretty. You can see a pic of my embellished Art Nouveau Padme here.

Other plans I have for my Etsy: 

- add pillow inserts to my custom pillows - add MORE fanart - add MORE originals

If you have ideas for other things I can add to my Etsy, please let me know! Especially if it’s Reylo things ;) 

8. I’m starting a regular Twitch stream with an art/storytelling focus

I’ve wanted to be a Twitch streamer for a long time, but I could never figure out what to do, exactly. Just recently, inspiration hit me like a bolt of lightning:

I want my stream to be all about storytelling.

Life gets crazy, depressing, and devoid of magic sometimes. I want to bring a little of that magic back by creating an intentional space outside of daily life for imagination and exploration. Dreaming, brainstorming, chasing plot bunnies, painting, sketching, talking deep subjects, and playing games - these will all be welcome activities in my magic circle. So if that sounds good to you, come make magic with me <3

My inaugural stream will be Saturday, February 23 at noon EST. After that, I hope to stream at least 3 times a week in the afternoons.

---

As for Reylo stuff...

Believe me, though I’ve been absent from Tumblr, I’ve never, EVER stopped thinking about Reylo. And I haven’t forgotten about any of my ongoing Reylo fics and projects!

I’ll make a separate post about that, though. I’ve talked your ear off quite enough for one post ;)

I’ve missed you all. If the urge strikes you, PLEASE come and see hi. I’d love to hear from you!

@reylocalligraphy @reylo-convert @enjoyallneednothing-blog @raven-maiden @obsessivepropulsive @ever-so-reylo @monsterleadmehome @reylolujah @pacificwanderer @dreamsdescent @faequeentitania @thewayofthetrashcompactor @deafield @dvrkrey @reylotrashpiler @recklessdarkness @cosmo-gonika @aionimica @creationsvixen @collegefangirl3791 @inmyownidiom @midnightbluefox

[mummapaintstheblues]

Dancing On The Ceiling

Hello lovelies! Hope you’re well. Here’s some smut!

Inspired by the beautiful and depraved souls of the nsfw family <3 

This is 4k of completely ridiculous indecency that nearly killed me, and it’s all filth. NSFW. An experiment in chakra control based kinkiness. My second attempt at smut! Enjoy!

The golden hour was fast approaching, that precious window of time during the middle of her busy shift where Sakura could spend sixty whole minutes sitting in blissful silence. Sometimes it was interrupted, which she considered an occupational hazard, but today she would be grateful for just a few seconds to herself.

It had been so much busier than usual, too many fledgling genin taking unnecessary risks, not enough staff. Sakura was used to postponing her breaks or even foregoing them altogether, but today she needed this.

Making a show of stretching her tired arms at the nurses station she turned toward the on call room.

“Alright, I’m on break guys. You know where to find me.”

There were nods all round as she raised a hand in a small wave. Halfway down the corridor she closed her eyes and sighed.

Finally, rest was within her grasp.

Though it seemed someone else also had a grasp on her.

A gloved hand snatched her wrist, yanking her backward before leading her toward the supply room. Sakura opened her mouth to argue but turned her head in time to see the back of a familiar mop of silver hair.

There was barely a second to think or mentally form the words to ask what he was planning. Pulling her in roughly through the door she finally got a glimpse of his face as she passed, the dark glint in his eye was recognizable enough. His next action confirmed her thinking.

Slamming the door shut with a fast jab, Kakashi rounded on her with speed that reminded her just how dangerous he could be. Releasing her hand, he used his to tug the mask down and under his chin. Sakura's mouth opened again to speak.

“What are you…”

The question was barely started before he'd muffled it. Lips meeting hers with a plundering fervor that she couldn't resist, as always. Their dalliances tended to play out like battles for the upper hand, an exciting and tempting game Sakura found herself caught up in once again.

Kakashi's towering figure began moving forward, pushing until her back hit a shelf of cleaning supplies. His hands on either side of her face capturing her lips preventing her from pulling away. Not that she would dream of it. Her own hands gripped at the front of his flak jacket, earning a grunt from him before a dominating tongue to forced its way into her mouth.

Sakura felt herself crumble and whimper, his hands drifting down to her hips, snaking into her lab coat. Eyes drifting shut, she pressed as many inches of her body against him that was physically possible.

Needing breath, her head was spinning before Kakashi reluctantly stopped the assault on her lips. Craning his neck down, resting his forehead against hers, he let out a long sigh of relief. His thumbs drawing circles on her hips sending pleasurable tingles to other parts of her body.

Both their chests were heaving.

“Miss me?”

He asked in a playful way that was instantly irritating. If her hands weren't so preoccupied in roaming his body as it pressed her into the shelf, she might've slapped him.

“You've got to be joking right? I saw you this morning…”

“Five minutes Sakura. I saw you for five measly minutes, after one whole week of not seeing you. And all I got to do was watch you get ready for work.” He whispered it huskily in her ear, his lips and nose forging a path down her neck, she tilted her head back to give him better access. “It’s been killing me all day”.

Fast becoming enraptured in the way Kakashi’s hands warmed her skin through her dress Sakura almost lost herself enough not to bite back. Damned if she was going to let him get the upper hand this early in the game.

“All day, really?” She couldn’t help the breathy way it sounded, with his tongue darting out in the sensitive areas behind her ear. “And what exactly has been killing you? You seem pretty alive to me.”

“For starters, these.” One of his hands trailed down, fingers just ghosting her curves before darting in between her legs. He pinched the sheer stockings she was wearing, pulling them back with a snap on her inner thigh. “You honestly can’t expect me to just watch you put these on and not find a way to fuck you.”

Kakashi kept his hand dangerously in between her thighs, caressing up and down again in a barely there dance that made her throb for something harder. Her own fingers emboldened in their search of his body, ducking beneath his shirt to trace the hard lines of his abdominal muscles. Down the tempting V line of his pelvis. He was practically growling in her ear at the touch.

Sakura's eyes rolled back into her head, starting to become impatient with his teasing. Maybe she had missed him a little. There was at least one surefire way to fast track his attentions.

“While I like the sound of that, Kakashi…” it was the most seductive she could deliberately say his name, “I only get an hour's break…”

It worked.

“I'm not finished yet.”

He interrupted her with an impatient gravely tone and a bruising hold of her hip. Kakashi even saw fit to nip at her ear just a little causing Sakura to jolt in surprise. She could feel his smirk before he captured her in another brief but searing kiss.

It seemed he was only interested in silencing her now, it became harder to form any coherent thought other than internally begging for his fingers to touch her where she needed it most.

“Then you decide to torture me further…” his hand ventured higher, her legs instantly parting to allow him. “You think I wouldn't notice?” Fingers began to coax and trace at her entrance through the stockings. “Not wearing panties is practically an invitation Sakura, and I can feel just how much you want it…”

The tenuous and languid strokes of her lips with his fingers caused a shuddering sigh to rattle her. The sheer fabric adding a delicious friction, but he was right, she could already feel her treacherous juices beginning to soak through the material. The throbbing of the bundle of nerves intensified as he avoided the area altogether, making an amused huff in her ear at her obvious frustration. His hot breath drifted over her collarbone as his head dropped. Sakura arched her back willing that wicked tongue of his to travel.

Unable to move her hips to grind against his hand, as he still pressed her into the shelf, she took in a shaky breath as the grip at her side shifted. Fingers roughly scraping her skin through her clothes as it wandered, when he reached her breast he began feverishly massaging and a moan drifted from her lips. But he wasn't finished.

“To top it off…” he paused to bite the tender flesh of her still covered but neglected breast. “This…” he shifted with skilled sleight of hand to pop the first button of the dress, “...is new.”

“You like it?”

Another growl. Another button popped.

“Just as long as I'm the one who gets to take if off you.”

Kakashi's lips now had an edge of impatience sucking the sensitive skin at the start of her mound. When he tore the rest of the buttons free to expose her lace covered brassiere, Sakura opened her mouth to make a noise of displeasure. Instead a mewling almost whine escaped as his fingers stole the opportunity to finally press rough circles on her clit.

Kakashi sucked harshly on her nipple through the flimsy material. Sakura found her hands retreating to grip into his hair. Not once did he let up on the tight and tortuous rubbing through her stockings. When his teeth came into play against her nipple Sakura jerked with a sharp gasp.

“Now what kind of medic wears underwear like this. I think you wore it on purpose to rile me up…” he pulled the cup of her bra aside with his teeth exposing the nub for his next line of assault.

Sakura could feel herself slipping, revelling in the intensity of his touch, bringing her closer and closer. Already her body was rippling for him, craving the way he could fill her, clenching for something cruelly just out of her reach. His hot breath and that sinful tongue of his just lapped at the pert nub and another moan threatened to escape. She remembered herself just in time to bite her bottom lip.

“I did wear it on purpose, I thought you, uh… liked my underwear”.

Kakashi made a stifled groan before exposing the other breast with more force than expected. The breathy words she had spoken in his ear sparked even more urgency from him.

“I like it.” He said darkly, flicking his tongue over her nipple before raising his head to hers. “I like it even better when it’s not in my way.”

With a crushing force their mouths met again, teeth clattering, a sharp pluck of her other nipple. Sakura began wantonly grinding into his hand feeling the high building within her about to burst. Her own hands began a frantic search for the hard bulge she desired most but a quick movement from Kakashi ceased their journey. Her breath was coming out in quick short gasps which stopped abruptly as his hand withdrew from her pulsating nub, his other drifting down from her breast to join the other between her legs. All the while tongues in a dizzying dance for the upper hand.

That was when she heard it. The loud tear. Her surprise was muffled.

Just before breaking the kiss Kakashi ran his fingers along her newly exposed entrance. Coating himself while continuing the circling of her clit with his thumb, a lone finger thrust into her and Sakura felt her muscles drawing him in.

“See.” He panted in her ear. “Much better.”

Kakashi added another finger for effect, Sakura moaned her satisfaction before he was swallowing the noise. The slick sound of him pumping his digits into her filling the room. As close as she had been to bliss and fulfillment moments ago now there was only blinding desperation to bring him over the edge with her. Kakashi's kisses hungrily devoured her neck, blatantly disregarding the hosiery as it tore even further with his ministrations.

Sakura finally managed to reach the tantalising bulge, finding him fully erect, she palmed its length through the fabric. Kakashi grunted in approval or impatience, returning his attention to her breasts. When her hand awkwardly tugged the zipper down and entered the dark confines of his pants Kakashi tried to throw her off by lifting one of her legs up. Hooking behind her knee and hitching the leg around his waist. The angle causing his fingers to hit deeper inside.

“Oh god…. Please Kakashi…”

The plea tumbled from her lips as her hand tried to grasp around his impressive hardness.

“Please?” He released her nipple with a pop and she groaned louder with a buck of her hips. “Please what, Sakura?”

It was hard to think, or concentrate, or even breathe with the way he was heavily pleasuring her aching bundles of nerves. He was everywhere, all over her body, pushing her closer to release. Through it all Sakura was vaguely aware that she had most definitely handed over control. If it didn't feel so damned good she might be angry about it.

“Please fuck me… Kakashi…”

She didn't even care that it sounded like a pathetic whine now.

“Not what I want to hear,” he added a third finger, “tell me what I want to hear Sakura.”

To stop herself from crying out she bit down on his shoulder. The mouthful of sweater softened the noise while stars began to form behind her eyes. The vice grip she had around his member tightened as she fervently tugged. But that self control of his was god like as ever, even with the tempting drops of precum aiding her movements. The leg wrapped around him began to twitch against her will, her muscles clenching down hard on his relentless fingers.

Sakura admitted defeat.

“I..unf… missed you so much.”

Kakashi let out a long breath as if he was relinquishing his composure.

“That’s my girl.”

Her walls and muscles clenched hard again as his fingers quickly pulled from her body. Their absence keenly felt with an almost painful rippling effect that left her shuddering. In an instant Kakashi had lifted her other leg, wrapping her fully around his waist, Sakura had to grip tightly at his shoulders to hold on. Giving up the treasure between his legs.

Colliding back into the shelf she met his dark gaze.

“Is this… what you missed hmm?” he pressed the head of his cock to her entrance, her body straddling his in all the right places, her eyes rolled back as he pushed inside. “You missed me filling you up, isn’t that right Sakura?”

Kakashi lingered, paused waiting on her answer.

“Yes, oh god...yes Kakashi…”

It was like something snapped in him with the last syllable of his name. Holding her up and against the shelf he began thrusting into her with a wild fervor. Her nails dug into skin through his clothing, his grip now on her hips turned harsh and bruising, lifting her up and slamming her down to meet his needy erection.

Sakura felt her walls already tightening, his breathing turned raspy in her ear until it suddenly felt like he’d stopped breathing altogether.

And that was when she heard it. The rolling and clank of the cleaner’s trolley as it hit the door to the supply room. Before she had even turned her head Kakashi was moving, whispering softly.

“Hold on tight…”

It was a stark contrast to the demanding tenor just a few minutes ago. Sakura couldn’t even bring herself to panic completely, still in a euphoric state of orgasm, and she trusted him entirely. At least for the moment anyway. She wrapped her legs tighter, buried her face in the juncture between his neck and shoulder, put her arms around him. In a matter of seconds Kakashi had thrown something, she didn’t see what, at the lightswitch, turning it off. The room was now spinning even in the pitch blackness, but it could have just been from his movement. When everything stopped moving her eyes still hadn’t adjusted to the darkness.

All she could tell, from where she sat still in Kakashi’s lap, with him still inside of her, was that he was also sitting. His back resting against something bulky, his legs straightened underneath her, one large hand still gripping her hip. When she heard the door creak open a small slither of light shone through and Sakura was immediately disorientated.

Just where in the hell…

Reality dawned on her. She leant back to look at his face in the dim light, feeling a dull throb of the member inside of her. An orderly humming something out of tune as they stocked the trolley, beneath them.

They were hiding on the freaking ceiling.

Kakashi’s back was against the air conditioning unit, his feet planted against the wall behind Sakura, holding them there with chakra alone. The look on his face was a mixture of pain and amusement in the shadows. She would’ve slapped him if it didn’t mean risking her precarious position.

The orderly left, not even needing the light on to find what they needed, and Sakura watched the door click shut with a sigh of relief.

“Are you completely insane?”

She could now see better, almost laughing at the way his hair was brushing the ceiling.

“Not completely, perhaps seventy percent, on a good day.”

This time she did wriggle a little to whack him playfully before putting one of her hands to the ceiling just above. Sending chakra to the palm for stability.

“More like ninety…”

“Ma, Sakura, just consider this an exercise in chakra control…”

Now he was kissing her, the chakra in her hand faltered just a little as she lost herself to the intensity of it. Heat was pooling where their bodies connected, Sakura’s tender muscles twitching around his member. Not as clouded by lust as before, that was when she noticed something very interesting. And enticing.

He couldn’t move.

She smirked into the kiss. Payback was a bitch.

Slowly Sakura summoned all of her kunoichi balance to place her other palm flat above her as well, both hands now holding her to the spot with chakra. Experimentally she rolled her hips and he groaned into her mouth.

Then she pulled herself up with her arms before dropping back down onto his length. It was something like a pull up exercise that wasn’t all that difficult.

Immediately her body was screaming to do it again, to keep crushing against him like that harder. And as much as she wanted those bolts of pleasure to coarse through her repeatedly she wasn’t entirely sure how much he could hold before they both fell to the ground.

It would be an interesting game, and now she was the one in control.

As if hearing her thoughts the universe saw fit to add another element to it. The door opened and shut quickly with a click and muffled laughter. Sakura broke the kiss to peer out from behind the air conditioning unit, there was no way she would be seen in the shadows. The new invaders seemed to be too preoccupied with each other to notice in any case.

The noisy sound of slurpy kisses and sweet moans reached her ears. Sakura realized Kakashi would definitely have heard it as well, she chanced a glance at his face to see his eyes widen imperceptibly. She could feel the twitch of his cock inside of her, it must be killing him not being able to move. Feeling briefly empathetic she continued a dull circular motion of her hips, relishing the way he bit his bottom lip.

“Take it off, quick…” a female voice urged.

“No time. Just turn around.” The male replied.

Sakura got a full view of the woman bending over slightly, holding onto an upper shelf with both hands, a man stood behind her. Without any more foreplay he was pulling her panties down and ramming himself in. There was a stifled cry of pleasure before it was followed by increasingly louder smacking sounds of wet flesh.

For a brief moment Sakura watched transfixed, unable or unwilling to look away, the rotating of her hips gained a bit more momentum. Those sparks of pleasure were building again, like a fire that could grow out of hand at any second. Kakashi’s hot breath in her ear was a reminder that she needed to concentrate, unless she wanted to fall and crash the party. Literally.

“Sakura, see something interesting?”

His whisper was downright salacious in her ear. Made worse by the increasingly hard jerks of the man's hips as he buried himself inside that woman. Whatever spot he’d hit made her moan louder than before.

“Maybe just a little. Want me to describe it?”

Sakura watched Kakashi close his eyes tightly with a sharp nod. The length inside her twitching even more despite her increased movements. It made her realize one more thing, he was really getting off on this. She began that steady motion of before, lifting herself up slightly before dropping down, leaning in to whisper in his ear. From this position there was a slim view of the rutting couple below.

“Well, she seems to be enjoying herself…”

“So I hear.”

His reply was through gritted teeth. Sakura couldn't believe how much she was savouring having him under her complete control.

“He's taking her from behind, up her skirt…” she deliberately crushed her hips up and down against his in quick succession and didn’t stop. “She’s just dropped her hand between her legs to play with herself.” An especially loud moan accompanied Sakura’s words, Kakashi’s breath became uneven. “He’s going so fast and hard, I think she’s going to come…”

More sounds of slick slapping, more grunts and moans. Sakura continued to watch them, her own movements increasing in pace and ferocity. Kakashi’s voice was utterly broken in her ear, his usual cool vanished.

“Do you… like… watching them fucking Sakura?”

She nearly groaned in reply, juices flowing from her and coating him, likely spilling to the floor below. It was almost lucky that there was clothing still on to soak up the moisture. As much as she wanted to give in to him, ride him unmercifully until she came again, this was her moment in control. Her game. And she was about to go in for the kill.

“Only because I get to fuck you while I watch.”

Using all her trained skill, Sakura tensed her muscles around him and was rewarded with an honest to god whimper. Kakashi had just whimpered. She thrust and rotated her hips with wild abandon relishing the feeling while she attempted to keep her wits about her. It seemed the other couple were nearing their grand finale, a swift hand reaching up to slap the woman’s ass as he pounded into her. Despite her resolve Sakura briefly closed her eyes, the sensory overload causing a ripple of pleasure. But she wasn’t done with him yet.

“And I like it...much better… when you fuck me hard like that… and spank me.”

Kakashi’s breathing was ragged and out of rhythm.

The groaning below them had also reached high volume.

“I’m… gonna...come in you…” The man moaned in between grunts, at this point the woman was beyond words as she too reached her limit.

“Kakashi...I want you to come in me… now…”

Sakura’s plea undid him. She jerked her hips relentlessly, beads of sweat dripping from his face, huffs of breath like he had just run a marathon. Her own orgasm reached her, with a force that made her eyes shut tight, the pounding of the blood in her ears drowning out the sound of the couple semi cleaning themselves and leaving in a rush.

She noted her chakra hadn’t faltered one bit, used to the constant channeling and filtering to different areas of the body.

But Kakashi looked ready to collapse. Every single one of his muscles was tense or shaking with strenuity, his head slumped forward onto her chest, breathing still laboured.

Then she started laughing. His head very slowly raised.

“What’s...so...funny?”

“I was just thinking how useless you’re going to be later when I get home. Next time can you wait just a bit longer?”

Now he was laughing but still short of breath.

“Next time… don’t tempt me...so much…”

Sakura rolled her eyes, pulled herself up completely and off him. Throwing herself to the floor with grace and ninja skill. When Kakashi basically dropped in an almost crumpled heap a second later the mirth returned to her features.

“Lucky we’re in a hospital. How about next time we find less strenuous exercises in chakra control?”

He attempted to slowly straighten himself, she aided him for a second.

“That sounds like a tempting challenge…”

He winked at her.

Sakura spent the rest of her day acutely aware of the various inconspicuous ceiling spaces in other parts of the hospital. And making excuses about how she’d accidentally ripped her stockings. She didn’t even mind that her break had been interrupted today.

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Worst Case

Read it on AO3

Chapter 3

"Don't try to concentrate on this thing, try to concentrate on your own arm."

Bucky groaned. The 'thing' Tony was talking about was a makeshift robotic hand propped up in front of Bucky. It was a simplistic model, reminding Bucky of the wooden articulated hand Steve once had for drawing references that was probably long lost to the ether. Except this hand had all kinds of cables connecting it to the machine and looked like it came straight out of a science fiction movie that Tony had 'just thrown together' last night.

The task was to move any digit on the hand. Simple really.

"What do you think I am doing?"

"Not that, because then it would be working, you're thinking too complicated and if you keep staring at it like you can move it via the Force it's never going to work."

Bucky gave up and leaned back in the chair, it's been over half an hour and he hadn't been able to move the thing, not a single millimeter. If it wasn't for Tony's constant reassurance Bucky would have despaired a long time ago.

"How about we take a break, order some Thai and we'll try it later again? Come on, I'll disconnect you." Tony rolled over with his chair and put a comforting hand on Bucky's thigh.

"No. Let me try again, please, Tony. I can do it."

"I know you can, Buckeroo, but you don't have to do it on the first try. Don't overexert yourself."

"Please let me do this, Tony. I need to do it. You've done all the work so far, let me get my part right." Bucky looked at Tony imploringly. "Please."

(More after the break!)

Tony gave Bucky's thigh a light squeeze and nodded. "Alright, but we have to do a break at some point or Pepper is going to have my ass."

"Wouldn't want anything to happen to that piece of art, would we?" Bucky pointed out, being dead serious.

"Have you been checking out my behind, Mr. Barnes? I am shocked!" Tony gasped overly fake and put a hand over his heart.

Bucky shrugged then grinned mischievously. "I'd like to do more than just checking out if you know what I mean." He made a grabbing motion with his hand and wiggled his fingers suggestively and a sudden noise made them both perk up. "What was that?" Bucky asked. It had sounded mechanical.

Tony scooted over to the mechanical hand on the table, suddenly excited. "Do it again." He gestured at Bucky to hurry up.

"What? You don't think that thing just moved, do you? I didn't even think about it."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Just do it, exactly what you just did." He grabbed the table with both hands and stared at the hand like he was the one trying to move it with just his thoughts.

Bucky opened and closed his right hand a couple of times and nothing happened.

"No, not like that. Exactly what you just did, no thinking, just doing."

Bucky wanted to protest again but seeing Tony's serious face made him relent, he had wanted to try again after all. He closed his eyes.

No thinking. He blended out the hand on the table and thought back to the moment when he had been teasing Tony. Just a spontaneous movement.

"Don't think, Buckeroo." Tony's voice smoothed away the last doubts in Bucky's mind.

No thinking...

Bucky lifted his right hand and -

The mechanical hand on the table whirred to life at the same time as he closed his right hand. Bucky's eyes shot open and the first thing he saw was Tony's bright and winning smile as he presented a half-closed hand on the table.

"You did it, Sunshine! You did it!"

"I did it! Oh my god... It worked!"

Bucky fought back tears. He couldn't believe it. All the hard work over the last months had finally paid off, he had done it. He wasn't a failure. He had done it, he would get a prosthesis with Tony's help. He would get back his left arm. The realization hit him hard and he couldn't hold back the tears anymore. He buried his face in his hand and sobbed with joy.

He had done it!

Tony walked over and stroked his back in comfort. Bucky grabbed for something to hold onto, getting a hold of Tony's shirt after a few tries and buried his face against Tony's chest.

"Thank you, Tony, thank you!"

Tony wrapped his arms around Bucky and held him. "That was all you, Bucky, you alone."

They stayed like that for several minutes until Bucky was able to control his tears and looked up again, a big smile on his face.

Tony ruffled his hair. "I can't believe lewd thoughts about my butt made you finally do it."

Bucky's cheeks flushed deep red and he buried his face in his hand. "Oh god, don't put that in my file or anything. I swear I was just joking."

Tony winked. "No worries, your secret is safe with me."

They ordered in after that and used the waiting time for some practice. After the initial breakthrough, it was easy for Bucky to recall the sensations for moving the metal hand and it came to him easier and easier. After only five minutes he could open and close the hand without much problem, albeit still somewhat jerky, though Tony assured him that would go away with time and with an upgraded hand. The basic model didn't have as many options for moving it and in the coming weeks they would move on to more advanced models with finer motor control and a bigger range of movements until finally, Bucky would be able to move the whole arm without a problem.

The next couple of days Bucky continued to practice with the hand while Tony made adjustments to it. He continued to configure the apparatus that was translating Bucky's nerve signals to the hand until he was satisfied with Bucky's abilities to control it. Their progress was eventually halted when the basic hand was just not good enough anymore and Tony needed a few days to build a new model. They advanced slowly as Tony didn't want to overtax Bucky or his nerves with too much stimulus at once. Bucky was the first to test out the technology and he had no gauge on how fast the severed nerves would recuperate and heal with this method.

Bucky savored every minute he could practice with the model of the arm and be with Tony. Tony's flirting game was as strong as ever, stronger maybe now that Bucky's confidence grew with each week of progress and he finally reciprocated the advances. Bucky opened up more and more and they laughed, bantered, flirted every day. Tony even went so far to send him pictures of the new arm during the days they didn't meet up.

-----

James (6:18 pm) "I think I'm in love."

Nat (6:19 pm) "You only realize that now?"

James (6:19 pm) "...." "I'm going to ask him out" "After this is done"

Nat (6:20 pm) "Why not ask him right now?"

James (6:21 pm) "I'm technically still his patient" "Would be weird"

-------

Bucky knew the end of the program was nearing when one day during a normal practice session - he was doing bicep curls with the propped up arm on the table - a young black woman came into their room and Tony introduced her as one of the top prothesis technicians who was going to model the shoulder socket for his arm. She took rigorous measurements of his upper torso and finally made a mold of his shoulder with a white gooey substance that she then covered in plaster strips for stabilization.

After she left again Tony turned to him with a grin. "Guess it's time to schedule the surgery."

"Surgery?" Bucky's eyes went wide, there had never been any talk about surgery, he hadn't agreed to that. Flashes of hospital lights flying overhead crowded his vision, doctors yelling and his own screams filled his ears and he suddenly doubled over, pain shooting through his left side. Tony's hands were on him in an instant and held him up.

"Breath, Bucky, come on buddy, breath!" Tony's voice broke through the noise in Bucky's ears and he gasped for air. His breathing was ragged as his eyes started to focus again and Tony's concerned face came into view.

"Flashback?" Tony asked softly, not letting go of him.

Bucky nodded jerkily. "No surgery. I can't..."

"I should have specified. It's nothing that you have to go under for." Tony explained. "It's local anesthetic, we can do it right here, no operation theater."

That made Bucky glance up, he might be able to deal with that. Tony continued when Bucky nodded to affirm him that it wouldn't trigger him further.

"It's to install implants just under your skin, it's a few small cuts on your shoulder, not worse than getting a piercing. Maybe even less so, since the area will be numbed."

"What are the implants for?"

Tony smiled. "They're basically these things." He poked one of the electrodes glued to Bucky's shoulder. "Except you won't have to worry about gluing them on every time you want to use your prosthesis."

Bucky nodded, he had gotten his breathing under control again and sat back up in the chair. Tony pulled back when he didn't need the support anymore and Bucky instantly wished he hadn't done that. "Are you going to do it?"

Tony shook his head. "No, but I'll be there with you if you want me too."

A week later when the technician had finished the socket and the final position of the implants was determined, Tony sat with Bucky and held his hand. The doctor who had first examined Bucky months ago was doing the procedure and Bucky wondered why Tony wasn't doing it. It would have put him more at ease, but with Tony at his side, he was mostly calm while the doctor was working on his shoulder.

The implants were small flat discs not bigger than a penny and the whole procedure didn't take longer than half an hour, the doctor prescribed him some painkillers for when the numbing wore off and then it was over. Bucky had to take a two-week break until he was fully healed, which put him in a foul mood for most of it. The only good thing that came from being forced to sit idly was that Tony would be able to finish his prosthesis and the next time he came in he would be practicing with the arm actually attached to him instead of it sitting on a table. It always made Bucky feel like his arm was somehow 2 meters long when he watched it move on the table, even if he couldn't feel it. It would make everything worth it and Bucky couldn't wait to properly ask Tony out.

[pastelsketches64]

Sketches of the Month: March!

Happy Easter-Fools Day everyone! Tumblr just pulled a funny joke on me actually, where I was half way through typing this post up and then the post just... disappeared.

Hilarious, right?

Seriously though, I post these from my iPad, and I apparently touched a notification that wasn’t there??? So this is my second time typing this up. 

But it’s fine! I just feel bad since I type everything off the top of my head, so I personally feel bothered that I’m not saying exactly what I was saying before. Personal gripe though, so let’s just get back into this!

--------------------------------------------

1 & 2: Daily Dose of Sonic Gals! 

This is probably gonna be a new segment in SotM now XD These are 2 requests from @ dailysonicgals : Amy and Cream as cheerleaders, and Heavy Magician and Heavy Rider in frilly dresses!

If you wanna see a bunch of cute art of Sonic girls, then I’d definitely recommend following, since everyone else is just so talented. I mean seriously, how can I even be associated with these people??? XD

--------------------------------------------

3: Amy Rose in Sonic Underground

So @zippityzap is remaking Sonic Underground, and they came up with a cool idea to potentially implement Amy into it. After her parents are roboticized, she is taken in by the Oracle as an apprentice, which explain the purple robes XD 

I’m really glad that you liked how it turned out! It’s always fun to try and replicate another art style!

--------------------------------------------

4: An Adorable Helpy! 

I’m pretty sure I created this blog a while after my FNaF obsession died down, but I’ve always been excited for the next game in the series. So let’s all just be honest here, Helpy is revolutionary. 

I mean, an animatronic that doesn’t want to kill us??? That’s progress XD 

Seriously though, Helpy is just so darn adorable and hilarious, and after a few attempts I think I finally captured just how cute he looks to me!

--------------------------------------------

5: Guess that Song! Ft. Discord Friends

Do any of y’all remember when I mentioned my friends livestreaming some stuff a while ago? Well, we’ve been doing it a bit more recently, and in the heat of the moment I quickly drew this up before we started one of them XD 

If you’re interested at all in the funny actics we get up to, you can follow us at: https://www.twitch.tv/cosmiostar 

--------------------------------------------

6: Tiny Sonk and Me 

That’s literally all the context there is to this image XD One of the rare moments where I drew a perfect and precious Sonic, and I then had a strong need to finish it up digitally! Oh, I guess I’m there as well... huh... XD

--------------------------------------------

7: Mighty & Ray’s Adventures??? 

So if you’re as avid a Sonic fan as I am, then you have already seen the first episode of Sonic Mania Adventures. It’s so awesome, right?! 

Well, during the SXSW Sonic panel, the idea of Mighty and Ray being in the animated shorts was brought up; and I decided that would be a good excuse to try and draw them in Tyson Hesse’s adorable arty style!

--------------------------------------------

And that is everything for this month! Did you notice the *keep reading* up there? Yeah, I figured out how to do it! Think I’ll go through my other SotM and add it in, since most other people don’t upload their art altogether and write a bunch about it XD

I hope you enjoyed what you saw, and I hope you’re excited for the MHA Big Bang stuff this month! It may be 2 or 3 more weeks of waiting, but that’s actually not that long! 

It’s honestly where all my effort for backgrounds has went, which I have very little effort for it to begin with XD

[cosmosogler]

hi guys! i had REAL BAD dreams!! so i got up late!

actually i woke up earlier than my alarm (i hadn’t been able to fall asleep until after 2, and i woke up around 9-ish?) and i ended up laying on my back staring up at the ceiling fan for a while. just watching it go. it reminds me that i am in my own home, which i pay for with my own money, and which i live in. sprawled out staring up at the ceiling fan. 

i got up and poked around. didn’t really feel like doing anything. i finally made up lunch and biked over to the department around 12. i had lunch and then went to the drc at 1:15 in the rain. the appointment was... productive. we talked about my accommodations. i’ll be looking at testing help next.

i got screened for a learning disability. based on my answers, the new helper person came to the conclusion that i have depression.

that reminds me. i have two appointments tomorrow, one on friday, one on monday, one next tuesday, and one next wednesday. I CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS!!!!!!

anyway after i got back i really struggled to do any studying. i got through one day of notes in stat mech, which is like 20 minutes’ worth of reading. it took me two and a half hours. what else was i even doing? i don’t remember. i installed xkit at some point hoping it would fix my broken ass activity feed, but it didn’t. i still can’t see 80% of the activity on the comic page in the feed. and stuff keeps disappearing after i’ve seen it too which makes the numbers even lower.

i came home and was too tired to make any dinner. i eventually got up and put something in the microwave. and... hmm. i cleaned the bathroom a little bit, which i had been putting off. i put off a lot of chores this weekend that i’ve been getting to very slowly.

i also finished two things for the comic! i cannot post either of them yet, so they are sitting on top of the huge “draft” post pile. but it’s nice to have them out of the way. it’s the avatar image i’m going to switch to next, and a notebook reference picture for the new character that’ll be showing up in the next part of the story. i have two more digital pictures i want to finish before the end of july. one’s got a thumbnail and i like how it looks, i just need to actually draw the picture. the other one i don’t quite know what i want yet. 

ummm let’s see. i think that’s about it. i wish i could stop having awful dreams. last night there was a running theme of “i am minding my own business / trying to solve a problem when people who are supposed to be helping me decide to put me in severe danger or just kind of be assholes.” 

i don’t remember how often i write about this here, but i’m a little disappointed at how many people have told me they’re gonna read the comic and then haven’t. when i offered to show keegan the other week he directly asked for a link and told me he would tell me what he thought. that was over a week ago. harrison’s bff zoe never got to it and he’s been nagging her after she said she was really interested. apparently he showed her one of my pictures (that made me panic at the time) and zoe didn’t say anything to me about it but according to harrison she gave it a “glowing review” to him. natalie last spoke to me over two weeks ago now, and even then she hadn’t looked past the first four pages a week before that last message. 

at least taylor said “when it’s done” which is easier to take as an indirect “no.” i wish people would do what they say they are doing. 

i don’t know what i’m doing wrong. i don’t know why SO MANY PEOPLE in my life make commitments they don’t keep. i can’t even go out and have fun with my friends because they commit to going to the bar or whatever and then when the time comes they aren’t even around. keegan asks if we want to play smash at a certain time and then when we say yes, he goes home a half hour before we were supposed to start.

i wish harrison wasn’t the ONLY PERSON who actually kept his commitments. i feel walled in. i hate having just one, like, actual friend in my community. i just wanna go to the movies sometimes, you know? 

my classmates keep making huge plans the day before they want to go out. i’m a little upset that one guy asked to go to the beach this weekend the day before he wanted to leave and he still got people to go along. i don’t know if those plans fell through or not though- they didn’t post any pictures. my plans fell through and i made them weeks in advance specifically scheduled so that the most people could go.

it’s hard for me to gather up the resources to attend this stuff when i only know about it the day before, though. i went to soham’s... that was like 50-60 minutes of biking total and i was so tired the next day, and they didn’t actually make enough food so i biked home hungry all the way up the hill for 3 miles... 

ehh i’m whining. i should stop. i don’t understand why it hurts so bad. it makes me feel like i don’t matter.

it makes me feel like i don’t matter to the people i care about. who i thought cared about me. 

i’ve been getting that feeling a lot lately. with the department leaving me out in the cold when i thought i was on really good terms with some of the people who made kind of nasty comments to me... friends who say they’ll hang out or look at my art and then don’t. i hope i’m not asking for too big a time commitment. i thought playing video games wasn’t that bad. but we haven’t done that in months now and i put so much effort into repairing / replacing the controllers for smash. i put that together just so it would be easier to play and no one wants to. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know how to matter more to these people that i care about.

i know that makes me an annoying tryhard. i know. i just want friends so bad. i want my classmates, these people i’ve known for a year and who i care about, to have a good time and not be miserable because of our workload. i bring in candy, i bring in games, i fix the controllers... i know i can’t ASK them to hang out, i can’t pressure them, but i keep hoping maybe they’ll want to do something or spend time with me. AND THEY SAY YES! AND THEY MAKE PLANS! and then they don’t keep them. they change their minds at the last minute.

i’m relieved that my money is back in place, for the most part... like i have a definite course of action there. but i still feel so lonely and miserable. even online i feel too shy to really reach out to more than one person at a time, and trying to talk a lot doesn’t necessarily mean we become friends.

[orbyssarchives]

A Brief tl;dr

This is probably a lot to say for 20 unfinished webcomic pages and I know I can be fairly long-winded so if you just wanna skip ahead and click through the pictures I’ve put up, I understand.

The TL;DR is

Hello and welcome to Mage Punk Archives! My name is Tables and this is some of the work that I’ve done over the last few years and what I’ve been up to in my little corner of the world. This is the third and last of a series of posts, outlining a number of updates that I completed on the site.

Included are some of my inspirations and a little of what I’ve learned so far about myself as an ever growing artist up to this point.

After this, I want to keep the content more focused on the actual art and story.

  I’ll post to this site as often as I am able.

    Thanks for reading!

  ***

Long Ago, Before the miracle of handheld internet searches and Instagram

When I was but a young, internet webling, I was heavily into shitty online flash games and looking for anything even remotely related to my interests at the time. From Mario and Sonic to various comics, videos games, anime and things never to be said aloud (pornpornporn). My love of the likes of Super Mario Bros and Sonic the Hedgehog (big fandoms for me at the time) would later lead me to sprite comics. Today, my feelings for the little hodge podge collage strips of old video game sprite sheets and backgrounds are a little mixed.

(They were beautiful and I’m gonna make one someday)

Then, in Highschool, I took a basic Web Design class. It was a VVoid World Web of Notepad and Internet Explorer where a kindly old crone passed on to those of us there, some knowledge of the ancient runic language which forms the foundations of the World Wide Web: HTML. Tables, frames, css, oh my! This knowledge would eventually prove invaluable.

Throughout our studies we were occasionally allowed to venture out into the Wider World Web. It was during these little adventures and travels across the Web that I happened upon the magical land of Webcomics. It was also during this time that I began break free of the enchantment of sprites. Even though I would probably never return to them, they would always hold a special place in my heart.

  The Internet is for [Comics]

    Webcomics – Synonymous with “Masochism”

At first, I had no idea just how grueling webcomics could be. Most webcomic artists pump out pages one to three times a week. At the time I got into them, MegaTokyo, then still partially a video game webcomic, was just releasing its third printed book; 2-3 updates a week with a loosely set schedule. Evan Dahm was wrapping up his surreal fantasy epic, Rice Boy; with updates consistently going up Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The various sprite and drawn webcomics that I was following at the time were updating all the time. Seeing all the great work going up, I felt encouraged to try it myself.

I drew these closer to the end of my junior year of high school.

Desu

Taking major inspiration from a lot of the manga and anime that I was enjoying then, I used pen and ink to make my comic pages. I liked working in black and white because it felt direct and skipping on color made it easier to finish faster. I figured I could work faster if I didn’t have to worry about the extra step. When I did want to use color, as is typical for the early pages of a new manga, I used markers.

At the time, I had no idea that mangakas used assistants. That’s messed up.

Not to say that it was completely unrealistic, but back in the real world I could only average one black and white page a week. If even. The spider webs I was drawing all over were so that I wouldn’t have to use a ruler to draw my panel proper borders. I thought it gave the comic an “old archive”. In the end, I concluded that the spider webs should have their place and not be all over.

This time, I decided to work a little more carefully and deliberately.

  Moving Forward

It was going pretty well but by the time page 7 rolled around, it was time for midterms and I had become too self-conscious and uncomfortable with the way I was drawing my comic pages then. Then, it was time to take finishing high school seriously and before I knew it, I was a freshman at The Art Institute of Fort Lauderdale. I did a lot of growing in the next four years that I attended there. Unfortunately, I never revisited those pages. Instead, near the end of my sophomore year, I took a Sequential Art class where the Final was a full-color, 5-page comic.

These are the ink-wash versions of the 7-page Final that I submitted. I’d originally colored them digitally to meet project requirements but I don’t want to post those just yet..

  In the End

I wasn’t satisfied. The truth was that I waited until the last minute, rushed it, and over-reached on a re-draw that wasn’t much fun for me to work on. During the course of that Sequential Art class my professor turned my attention to artists like Moebius and Mike Mignola. I also came across Katsuya Terada’s stuff around this time.

  And school went on…

    I worked on Mage Punk when I could between assignments.

    Between thinking I could possibly work on a for-print comic…

    …and a webcomic at the same time.

  The End was Near

Most of these were actually made towards the end of my four years at Ai. Those of us graduating were tasked with compiling our work from the years past in accordance with the requirements for obtaining our degrees. I believe that we were given two semesters to gather our pieces and do any revisions to previous works to get them up to date with the rest of the portfolio piece. Illustration Graduates at AiFL were typically required to gather a required selection of their work into an on-demand printed book. The year that I graduated, my department decided to change things around a little. Specifically, we were given the option to collect the requirement work into a plain black binder portfolio and make the printed book more geared towards our pursuits. I opted to make a Mage Punk/Orbyss Archives “Zine” as my main portfolio piece.

  And Then College was Over

I drew a few more pages of the comic until I became employed full-time. These days, there aren’t enough free hours in my days for me to keep up with any typical webcomic’s update schedule so for a long while I stopped working on the comic altogether. I’m squeezing as much work out of every second that I’m not there; with whatever energy I can muster. This includes planning, writing, sketching and drawing. Before I got back to work on the site, I was posting fairly regularly to my Twitter and Instagram; those posts took time to do as well.

  Most of this post was written in separate sessions on my commutes to work.

“Shortcuts”

Even though I always wanted to present Mage Punk as a webcomic, I always worked on it like it would go to print eventually. This created a confusing mindset for me when working on the comic, where I had to work on a whole book, but I have to rush to finish every page. If I wanted to put out pages more frequently I took shortcuts at any point I could to be done with them. Even if I created a good buffer of finished pages, I’d still run into that same pitfall eventually. I wasn’t enjoying my project because of a pressure I applied on myself to finish it in a way I wasn’t necessarily comfortable with. I didn’t even get that much done in the end.

It’s important that I work on it at a pace that lets me show the best of my ability. I would love it if I could be properly finished with the pages before I post them but if I wait before it’s all good and done I’ll just never get around to posting anything, forever floating, aimlessly, throughout creative internet limbo.

Instead, if I have to work on my comic in piecemeal, I’ll just post it up in piecemeal. Mage Punk will still be presented as a webcomic but, until the end of the book is done, certain changes are still a possibility. Editing is an important part of producing any book and I’m going to make its presentation reflect that.

  Cue Rhidiculous shouting “I told you so!” from some nearby bushes.

  A Webcomic in Presentation Only?

Those Two Images are the Same Page

Instead of trying to finish things at breakneck speeds, I’m going to work on the comics at a more reasonable pace. I’ll try to work on it mainly Chapter to chapter instead of page to page like how a webcomic normally is done (buffers aside) This gives me the opportunity to take a step back and get a broader look at the story while still putting out content in enjoyable chunks.

It’s difficult for me to wrap my head around drawing a comic on a start-to-finish, page-by-page basis. While I was working on the later pages in the chapter I kept finding myself jumping around and making changes to previous pages to make some things more consistent with later parts of the story. Instead of working page-by-page, I was editing the chapter as a whole to try to strengthen the narrative I’m trying to tell.

To that end, I still want to present it on this site as a webcomic; if only in name and archive.

The Process

At the VERY longtime behest of my editor, I’ll be presenting the comic as a work in progress at various points in the following production stages.

Writing

I’ll post dialog excerpts here and there. Nothing that can spoil the story too much.

This step will be kept largely behind the scenes.

Thumbnails

I do these on index cards in ballpoint pen to figure out the sequence of events that I most prefer.

This is the step where I’m prone to overloading a page with information.

First Drafts

Full size roughs of the earlier thumbnails. This step helps me get a better sense of how crowded or unbalanced a page might be early on.

This step also helps to prune out any strenuous scenes or dialog that could otherwise have their own pages.

If it isn’t working visually at this point, it’s not going to work in the next step.

Pencils

This is where the real drawing happens. Drawings in this step are made by either digital or traditional means depending on when or where I’m working.

Inking

This step is exactly like the drawing step but in pen and ink. Despite my affinity for real pen and ink, I’ll mainly be working this step digitally.

Color

This step is wrought with indecision but it also one of the faster, more fun steps to do.

Lettering

I’ve removed the dialog from all the pages currently up, opting to keep that out until a chapter is completed; it’s the thing I’m likeliest to change the most frequently until the end.

All lettering is currently done digitally but I’m considering the possibility of hand lettering.

Drawing dialog can be quite fulfilling but it takes a lot of practice.

Editing

This part will be happening all throughout. Page re-orders, panel redraws, changes in dialog.

Until the book is done.

  Here We Are

I’ve already made some revisions to a handful of the pages that are already up; if you browse through the comics you can see the revisions noted in the comic descriptions. I’ll make blog posts for any major revisions or series of revisions that I do. I have a few ideas for some smaller projects that I can work on while I work on Mage Punk. Whether they be illustrations, stories, or even mini-comics like this silly thing down here.

      Moving on

I might have also mentioned before that I have a few other drawings that I wanted to make for the site. In particular I have a neat idea for some social media icon illustrations. I wanna make something that takes advantage of what I’ve learned with using CSS. It’s nothing too fancy.

All that said, future posts will be a bit more brief than these last three were. I’d much rather write and post about the work itself, but I feel like I’ve hit a personal milestone and felt the need to ramble on about it a little.

    Until next time,

  Thanks for reading!

    The Big Site Update (Part 3) A Brief tl;dr This is probably a lot to say for 20 unfinished webcomic pages and 

[mistakemessenger-imagines]

What about the RFA and Unknown and V finding out that MC has a career in the arts (author, artist, actor or something like that?) @saeranlover

Lol it’s been like 5,000 years since I’ve done a request, here you go bbies

Yoosung:

It was always a lingering thought in Yoosung’s mind

The thought always came randomly, but sometimes he swore that he  recognized your voice

Like the one time you yelled “Come at me!” at a friend who was teasing you and he just froze for a second to think about why it sounded familiar

It wasn’t until one day he was testing out a LOLOL character he’s never played before and she screamed out a line of dialogue before her attack

And suddenly he heard your voice behind him perfectly recreate the line

He turned around to see you cheekily grinning from your place on the bed

But it was wiped off your face soon enough because baby boi just pounced you into a big hug

“MC WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU VOICED A CHARACTER IN LOLOL I WOULD’VE PLAYED AS HER MORE OFTEN IF I KNEW.”

You giggled as he rapidly asked you other things you voice acted in and gawked when he recognized the other characters you’ve voiced in games and cartoons

He’ll shyly ask you to reenact his favorite lines or scenes and his inner fanboy will show

Yoosung’s never really been into the behind the scenes stuff but he already somewhat was a fan of yours before so he’s basically dating his favorite VA

Silly lil’ peanut is gonna ask for your autograph on his merch of the characters you’ve voiced

Jaehee:

She found out during one of your nights in

You were in the kitchen preparing the snacks while Jaehee sorted through the set of musicals the two of you had rented for tonight (you finally convinced her that watching ‘Promiscuous Jalapeno’ for the 8th time in a row was a little much)

Once that was all said and done, you cuddled up to Jaehee while the movie started as she fed you popcorn

Oh crap, you recognized this movie

You actually got the part of the main dancer in this film (it was your typical dance batte film)

You somewhat never wanted her to find out  that you were an actor/dancer in fear of always being compared to Zen

Once your character was introduced, Jaehee’s eyes squinted a little at the screen before gasping and shaking your shoulders

“MC, MC, IS THAT YOU?”

“U-uhm nooooo...?”

“Wait, why would you keep this secret from me?”

After explaining your reasoning as to why, she just pulled you into a tight hug

“I’d never compare you anyone else, I love you just the way you are, famous or not!”

After watching the movie, she put aside the time to scour the internet for every performance you’ve been in and is about to be the proud owner of all your merch

jaehee please no that was our grocery money

Zen:

“lolol zen have you seen mc’s latest cover?”

“Cover? What’re you talking about?”

“the one on her youtube channel???”

“...”

“you do know what she does for a living, right??”

After Seven endlessly mocked Zen for not knowing what his own girlfriend did for a living, Seven graciously provided the link to your Youtube channel

Zen then proceeded to spend the next 3 hours of his life going through

your entire channel

He knew that you liked to sing and sounded like an angel but this

This is something extraordinary

You actually made a living doing this and he never even knew!

 He finally made his way up to your latest cover (which was uploaded about a week ago), and HO L Y  C R A P

It was the song he’s practiced at home for months on end for a musical he recently just starred in!

When you get home that night, you’re bombarded with compliments and questions (mostly compliments)

You explained that you never recorded around him because you were afraid that he might’ve thought you were going to use him for popularity

“Babe, I know you would never do that NOW WILL YOU PLEASE DUET WITH ME--”

Guess who has the best mashup cover of ‘Butterfly’ now

Jumin:

Coming home a few hours early was indeed a rare occurrence for Jumin

Usually when he came home, you were instantly there to greet him with a hug and kiss

He called your name, but there was no response, just a faint typing sound

After hanging his coat on the coat hanger, he began walking towards the noise, his hands already working on loosening his tie

“Ah, here you are, my love,” he said upon entering the officeroom

“Jumin, you’re home early,” you smiled, letting your husband wrap his arms around your shoulders and resting his chin atop your head

“The office had to close early for some renovations,” Jumin explained, “but I’m more interested in what you’re working on.”

“I’m working on my next book!”

The surprised look on his face made you remember that you never brought it up to him before, but now is as good as time as any to explain

Jumin seemed genuinely intrigued as he listened to your explanation on your book series, which was apparently very popular

When you finished, he asked if you could lend him the first addition, as he did enjoy reading in his spare time

And soon enough, he was hooked

He’d have long talks with you over dinner on how he wasn’t expecting a plot twist or how well you wrote your characters

Or about how you should hurry and finish the next book because you left him on a cliffhanger

707:

He’s known since the background check that you had a job in digital art but he tucked that away in the back of his head because there were too many other things happening at the time (eg the hacker, your sudden appearance, his emotions and job...)

It isn’t until one day where he’s been able to work for a few hours straight without you lecturing him about how he should take a break

So he got up from his chair, slapped his right leg a few times to wake it up, and ventured outside his office to find you

To no surprise, you were huddled inside in the bedroom, but this time with your drawing tablet in hand

“Hey Saeyoung,” you tiredly muttered, eyes still glued to the laptop screen

His eyes trailed to where you were looking and a look of mock hurt morphed on his face, “MC, how dare you draw a picture of another man!”

You stifled a laugh at your boyfriend’s dramatic tone, “Zen just asked me to draw some things for his website so I’m--”

“You should me drawing me instead! Here, I’ll even pose for you!” 

You regret even looking behind you, because Saeyoung was already stripping down to his boxers, need I remind you the pair with cat faces on them

“DRAW ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS.”

“SAEYOUNG PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON AND GET TO BACK TO WORK!”

V:

Usually you were making some sort of noise in the house, but today you were oddly quiet

“MC? Where are you?”

“I’m in the living room,” you hollered back as he started making his way over, “Be careful not to bump my arm though.”

“What’re you doing?” he asked, taking a seat on the floor next to you

You explained that you liked paint and used it as a way to make some extra pocket money

V was very happy and excited to hear that you had an artistic career just like him

You were always delighted to describe the paintings to him, and you always did it with such passion

After awhile, he started to miss photography and he so badly wanted to see your work for himself

So he decided to get the eye surgery

Once he did, he was shocked at how much he can see your heart poured onto the canvas

You often went out into nature together and sit there together for hours to photograph/paint and enjoy one another’s company

You also loved painting some of V’s older photographs and he loved it and every single one is framed in the house

#artsycouple

The day you painted a picture of the sun and gave it to him, he cried

Unknown:

The first time Saeran ever walked into your room, his eyes immediately darted to the big, colorful collection of sticky note pads on your desk

He picked one up, noting that every one had a slightly different drawing than the others, “What’re these for?”

“Oh, I’m an animator! I like to use these sticky notes when I’m bored.”

He never got to watch cartoons as a child so this was all new to him

Watching you peacefully work is very, very soothing to him, to just watch the lines fill with color so smoothly

You even let him have some of your already drawn-on sticky note pads and he likes to flip through them when he’s nervous or needs to calm down when something’s bothering him

His favorite is the one you made for him where it goes “I love you, Saeran!” with a cute little doodle of a cartoony-looking you kissing his cheek on it

As mentioned before, he never got to watch cartoons or movies as a kid and he’s willing to watch the ones you’ve worked on

It always amazes him that you made what was on the screen and he loves it (he’s never said it out loud but it shows on his face)

He really enjoys the ones that are story-based rather than the nonsense slapstick ones (which is what Saeyoung enjoys, much to his dismay)

Seeing the childlike innocence in his eyes is heartwarming and you wouldn’t trade it for the world 

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hard Times | June Goals Update

So it’s been another month. Somewhat scary to think that time flies straight over your head, and doesn't ever stop...

Anywho...

*If you would prefer to not read my struggles with bipolar disorder and in particular, the depressive side of it, feel free to skip past this ramble!*

Hey People of Earth!

I’ve had a month. It opened shitty, ended shitty, lots of shitty things happened in between. In regards to June--damn, how shitty it has been.

I have tried writing this post on its own for around a week now. And every single time I try, I end up trashing the draft. Last night I decided not to trash the draft, and post it today, but I’ve somehow trashed the draft.

Again...

So. I've sort of been severely depressed since the start of the month... Oh boy...

If you don't know, I was diagnosed officially as bipolar on May 31st of this year. I kid you not, the very next day, I fell back into this terrible depressive rut I haven't been able to escape since.

I’ve been waiting three years for someone to just validate the feelings I've had--I’ve been desperate for someone to tell me what my doctor told me on May 31st. I was convinced that hearing those words, hearing that diagnosis would make me the happiest person in the world, and I think it’s the disappointment that stemmed from not having that that just choked me this month.

I don’t know why hearing so hey, Rachel, yo, you’re actually bipolar sent me into the deepest, darkest hole I have ever existed in. Because I’d been waiting so long to hear those words. Past Me was positive everything would be better after I heard those words. Past Me always thought everything would get better after hearing those words, but things have only gotten progressively worse.

I’m diagnosed as bipolar, and I can’t tell you how hard that has been to swallow.

I’m sincerely sorry for missing blog posts, and promising I’ll come back, and then never coming back. I’ve literally torn myself apart because of this... But, I’ve lived like a ghost this month, and doing anything has been so painful. 

I went from high to low in the span of seconds, and I can’t leave.

I want to get into how it feels to be bipolar, and to cycle into these moods so frequently. Of course, this is only my experience with this disorder. Others might not experience this like I do.

So for me, shifting from high to low feels like someone is punching me in the face, and will not stop. I hate going from okay one moment, to so low the next. It’s so frustrating to me. Ask my family or friends--it’s fucking frustrating for them too because do you know how difficult it is for someone to see you having the time of your life one day, and then being in such a dark place the next? I hardly understand this. I can’t imagine how those around me feel. Switching from high to low feels like I’m a failure, and I cannot stop failing, because of all things, I can’t control my own brain, even though I feel like I should have that right. I’m not strong enough to control my brain--it controls me. Switching from high to low makes me feel so stuck. Like I’m struggling in quicksand, but there is no way out. You feel defeated by yourself, even though you shouldn't have a competition within yourself . But that’s kind of what goes on with me every time this happens. My body and soul go to war, when that should never happen.

I feel like to a point, while I emphasize honesty in my blog posts, there’s a line I draw. There’s a point where I fear if I talk more about this, and talk more about the fact that every single thing I did in June was torturous, people will not want to listen. I don’t want to bog people down. But this affects my writing life so much, and in turn, will affect you.

Imagine one day, you’re on top of the world. You have everything you could ever want. You are successful. You feel great about yourself. You are in the best state you have ever been in. Now imagine, the next day, you witness something so upsetting, you spiral into the deepest rut you’ve ever been in. You don't want to keep going. You’re choking on your own life. You feel hollow.

This happens to me. Every day. Every week. Every month.

I wish I could be more positive about this... I miss my positivity so much.

I can’t remember if I’ve talked about this on here before. But January and February are always the worst months I ever have to experience. Jan and Feb of 2015 were emotionally draining, but I didn’t know why, so I moved along as they went. Jan and Feb of 2016? A little harder to get by, but I did it, with a little help from ALL THE BRIGHT PLACES. Jan and Feb of 2017? Completely different ball game. I’ve never fought so hard to stay here.

Until June…

I always said that if I didn’t have a diagnosis before January and February of 2018, I’d probably not survive beyond then.

I didn’t know I was capable of feeling that pain in a completely different realm of time.

June isn’t the winter. June is sunny, and bright, and where all the happiness should stem from. There are flowers outside. The sky is blue. Everything is beautiful. June isn’t supposed to bring misery like January and February. June is supposed to be breezy and light, and the cross into summer vacation. But I just exited the hardest month I’ve ever had to live through. And I hate that I’ve said that statement somewhere around 8 times in my life, and I’m hardly even sixteen.

I can’t tell you why I’m so depressed. I can’t explain it. I can’t tell you it’s because something bad happened in my life. Because nothing did. Nothing happened. Nothing should have changed.

Gah. I didn't want to have to say all of this. But I know if I don't know, I never will.

So welcome to my off day. Or my off month. I guess.

So now that all of that's been said, let’s get into these insanely ambiguous goals, shall we?

1. Hit 80k in FOSTERED #5.

HIT 90K BABY.

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

Didn’t even touch the thing. lol sorry.

3. Upload another video.

Guess who didn’t do this. Guess who has a video ready to upload just sitting on her computer. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Actually, I do. (Reference above, lol)

(I will get this thing up when I feel a little better I promise!)

4. Read a book yo.

Didn’t do this. Also because of the above. Sigh. I did start THE HATE U GIVE and it’s amazing thus far. I’m around 100 pages in, and I love it.

5. Finish another character portrait.

If there’s something I did this month... Jeez...

I did a lot of art this month, man... So I mean, if there’s a silver lining to anything, it’s that... I actually just finished one of these an hour ago. I’m not going to show you one of them because I’m not digging the final outcome that much.

I finished this AWESOME painting of Emily from the FOSTERED books AKA the character who looks different every time I write with her... lol. (Did I just call my own art awesome? Uhm, well I say awesome because @sarahkelsiwrites​ drew the sketch, I only painted it in. So yes.)

I don't like complimenting my own work, but um, I think I have substantially (and quite miraculously) improved my abilities to shade using the painterly technique.

I actually did my first digital painting using the painterly technique earlier in the month.

Here I bring you, ‘Angsty Ben’

LOOK AT HIS EYELINER

LOOK AT HIS BLEACHED HAIR

LOOK AT HIS LIP RING.

LOOK AT HIS ANGST PATCH JACKET

LOOK AT HIS STROKES FANBOY T-SHIRT

THE SURF CURSE PATCH KILLS ME

WHO ELSE SEES THE CLIFFORD IS A DISAPPOINTMENT PATCH ON THE BOTTOM LEFT.

LOWKEY WHAT A FUTURE 17-YEAR-OLD BEN LOOKS LIKE.

Hahahahahaaaaaaa

I know. This is the best thing I’ve ever created. Ha. So this cheered me up. Awesome.

Obviously, it’s not entirely finished, though I’m just stopping here at this point, because it was really only here as a test in shading.

My point here, is that I think there’s quite a large improvement in shading...

@sarahkelsiwrites​ did an amazing job on Emily’s sketch, so huge thanks to her! I have a speedpaint for this, so it’ll be up at some point in time... Harrison is actually supposed to be next to her, buuuuut he’s giving me trouble, so... (He will be completed at some point in time also.)

AND NOW LOOK HOW LIT THIS IS

@sarahkelsiwrites​ drew me the most AMAZING portrait of Lonan, and I die.

If you don't know, the name Lonan means blackbird, and the meaning of his name, though never stated in the books, is a huge point of symbolism in the novels...

This is the sketch she drew (excuse the world’s shittiest scan):

(It’s shitty a) because the paper is kind of way too big for the scanner, and b) because haha my scanner is shitty)

BUT CAN WE JUST.

And then I, around an hour ago, went in and added colour...

AHHHHHHHH

Sarah said she’d eventually like to do a digital painting of this as well, so I’m just so stoked... THE SYMBOLISM IN THIS DRAWING ACTUALLY MURDERS MEEEEEE.

Cuz yanno, birds are supposed to be in cages, but LOOK AT HIIIIM.

In other news, I finally have an idea for book five’s cover...

Bless you, Sarah. Bless. This thing makes me so happy.

I also have a speedpaint for this. So yeah. Onslaught of vids coming your way the minute I start feeling better.

6. Complete that huge edit on FOSTERED #5.

YAAAAAS. I did this. In school. Like a boss. If you don't know, I like to go back and edit my novel every 10k words or so, and accidentally eventually let the usual 10k turn into 30k... So to continue writing, I had to make a bit of a large edit, and I did it! I think it happened in a day or so? So it was a lot less arduous than anticipated.

7. *Maybe* re-visit I’M DISAPPOINTED. Just maybe. If it won’t drive you nuts. Or at least look at the query and fix it up a little.

I thought about re-visiting I’M DISAPPOINTED. lol. Does that count. (More news on what the heck is happening with this book in my writing update which should be up at some point in time..)

8. Write at least 100 words in the I’M DISAPPOINTED short story.

I didn’t do this. I was supposed to edit what I had. I have it all formatted and everything. But I never printed it out... So then, I just never wrote anything...

Ahhh well, look at all the amazing art above, lol. I’ve done more, but I’m saving all that stuff for later when they’re all cleaned up and stuff.

So those were all my goals and stuff. So I mean, even though I had the shittiest month ever, I still managed to somehow get a lot of things done. I’m addicted to work. This is a problem.

(Oh by the way, another goal I hit this month... You know how I said a while back that I wanted to get a 97% average this semester? Well... uh. I kind of did. 97.25% to be exact... yeaaaaaahhhhhh I should stop...)

So here are more goals:

1. Hit 100k in FOSTERED #5

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

3. Upload another video.

4. Read a book yo.

5. Finish another character portrait

like come on

6. Write at least 100 words in the I’M DISAPPOINTED short story. 

pls.

Some exciting things happening in my life right now:

- I’m seeing Ed Sheeran in concert this FRIDAYYYYYY

- I might be seeing Precious Kid in Pennsylvania. Possibly.

- MY BROTHERS MET PRECIOUS KID

- I’M SEEING FLIPPIN SURF CURSE IN CONCERT AT THE END OF AUGUST

- Also going to Mexico

So many things are happening, man...

Because this post started out as the world’s biggest bummer, I want to maybe help anybody out there who needs some comfort by sharing a couple of things that’ve made my past month less terrible.

Daughter performances have been the only thing keeping me going at night when I can’t sleep. My insomnia hasn’t left me alone for this entire week. After trying everything I know of (come on fam, even my favourite ASMR vid doesn’t work), I’ve resorted to watching performances of one of my favourite bands.

Elena writes beautiful songs about her own sadness. She does it in a way that brings me so much comfort. And while all that I go through is ugly, Elena uses words that make it sound beautiful, and in doing so, make my pain less hurtful.

I’ve never seen them perform their song Made Of Stone live, so finding this performance was absolutely amazing. I love that she expresses thoughts I’ve had myself. It makes me feel like hey, I’m not the only one. Someone gets me. This song does that very well.

See, this is why I love music. 

You’ll find love kid, it exists

I also love

This one really helped sooth my mind a bit. Which is nice. :)

This post really helped me when I was in a really suicidal rut a couple nights ago: https://themighty.com/2016/08/if-you-want-to-die-read-this/

^^^ I love this post.

On a little bit of a lighter note, Paramore’s Hard Times hits me where I need it.

If you’ve been a long-time follower, you know how much your girl loves Paramore.

THIS SONG.

Lyrically, it’s one of the saddest things Paramore has put out. But they’ve paired it with this funky beat that’s so ironically happy… And guys… The accuracy in representing depression… Oh my lord…

Hard times Gonna make you wonder why you even try Hard times Gonna take you down and laugh when you cry These lives And I still don’t know how I even survive Hard times Hard times

And I still don’t know how I even survive… <<< this hits my heart so much

I sing this part with no chilllllll.

*this brings me so much happiness*

Paramore was the thing that got me through that second terrible Jan+Feb beyond ATBP, so this is somewhat fitting…

This video by Dodie is the thing that pushed me to not give a shit if this seemed too bitter and pessimistic. She really made me feel that if I feel bitter and pessimistic, I should be real about that.

I’m not actually a fan of hers (I just don’t watch her vids, though I probably will now), but I’ve seen this thing pop up in my recommended since it came out, and I finally watched it last night. I love this video.

Also just kind of a simple one, but my sister helps too. Like loads. So far, she’s been the one to make me smile and laugh, even when I’m in the actual middle of this muggy period.

Maybe you don’t know this about me, but I’m a die-hard ASMR fan (if you suffer from insomnia, this is my secret to sleep), and CarolineASMR’s 24/7 livestream has been giving me life.

Whenever I’m just very down, and need something to do, I listen to this. And it’s always there. Which is so great for so many reasons. I wasn’t going to mention this one because I didn’t think it was that much of a help, but after going through my YouTube history, I realize that I’ve relied on this livestream so much this past week…

(If you ever need ASMR recs, hellooooo)

(START WITH BRIGHTGREYASMR THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY, YOU’RE WELCOME. THIS video is the only one that kills my insomnia around 90% which is AWESOME)

So all of these things have contributed to making my life a little easier. I wanted to share them with you to hopefully bring some light into your life, if you’ve been going through some hard times too. Just know that at some point in life, this suck will ease. I don’t know if it will ever get better, and I won’t say that because I know I don’t even like when people say that to me. But you’re literally going to keep kicking ass. Even if all you’re doing right now is existing, you are still worthy of every single moment you have. I know I don’t have hope right now, so I can’t tell you to just have hope, because sometimes, being hopeful isn’t always easy. I hope you find your hope, and I hope I find my hope. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m all ears.

That’s kind of the end of this post... Thank you for listening, if you made it this far. Thank you for letting me express myself when I need to. I hope this serves as a bit of an explanation for my MIA-ness. I’ll try to be back as soon as I can. You guys are sincerely the best.

See you in the next one. :)

--Rachel

[cheapcookiez]

HOW DID YOU FOUND YOUR ART STYLE I'M STRUGGLING HELP SENPAI

ah hm..okay it’s a recurrent question . i will tell u exactly how i did and from now, everytime i will get this question, i will give them this huge honest answer °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

i found it while assembling a lot of things i saw during my life.my art style is like a mr potato. waitin’ to see their holes filled out with new ideas.  

i think i can show you some of my researchs.my sketchbooks and even tell u how works mah mind .

 If u want to find an art style, please learn how to understand yourself  before. your art represents yourself. if you’re not clear in your mind. you won’t be clear on the paper.

(⌒▽⌒)☆ So let’s begin

…wait..

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ 

It’s very a big  answer so be ready to click on “keep reading”: 

( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ when i’ve started to draw 4 or well almost 5 years ago. everything was confused in mah mind. The most difficult was to begin. so i started with drawing in a manga style…i drew a lot AND a lot.i was copying entire pages of Tales of symphonia. (my favorite manga and video game).that’s where the passion for fan art started. a good beginning full of passion!

Since that i’ve been moar receptive to some kind of manga. chibi round style was my favorite. magical doremi took a big place in mah kokoro.

The next drawing you’ll see was the beginning of my new art style. and i deeply knew it in mah bones. i was not expecting to draw this.i think it was only luck.

that was …a strange feel. like i was enjoyin’ it so much that i could draw it every.single.day. 

That was not exceptionnal. but i felt like nobody could draw like that. except me.(there is the over confidence part of a art newbie. follow this feel like it was your last chance.u need to not give up.u did the most difficult part so far! follow your intuition ! this little rainbow in your mind ! )

i kept drawing. again. and again. for months and  freakin’ months. 

i was certainly inspired of tim burton for the chibis and the headshots, if my memory doesn’t say shit,the artist is reapersun.

I was at a point i knew i had to take risks. It’s when, i accepted requests from ppl on deviantart . I couldn’t work alone. so i accepted everything. 

everything.

 Even miku hatsune dancing the gangnam style. 」(￣▽￣」)

i was also on a french forum, and ppl were giving meh a lot of reviews. that was helpful and that’s when i understood i needed a community for progressin’. compliments,opinions,reviews. YOU NEED THAT. accept them and shut your mouth. they’re right. put your pride somewhere else. and accept to see ppl better than you at something.〔´∇｀〕

At some points, i was also giving reviews. that was huge. like 3 or 4 open office pages for a small drawing.it took me hours but it’s important to kno’ how to give a review to somewahn bc that makes u think about their art and yours as well. training ur eyes to spot the mistakes.

i was drawing a lot of fan arts of their characters. They were only potato/egg-characters. that helped me to find a digital color style when i bought my first tablet.

btw,i waited 1 year and half before buying mah smol wacom. I prefered to keep practicing on paper. if you can’t draw properly on paper. digital won’t help u. it’s not a magic trick that makes ppl talented. ≡(*′▽`)っ

i have way moar respect for traditionnal artists. sooo much respect.u don’t even kno’.

(then…at this point, i was drawing for almost 2 years i thiiink.)

that’s when i started to extrapolate EVERYTHING. Colors, anatomy,expressions .( Everythin’ i ‘m drawing during this kind of practice period is wrong. extremely wrong and full of mistakes. But i have to do this bc i put so much energy into mah artworks that i can’t think properly until i’m mentally exhausted. (it’s completely personal,but i need to be broken af for understanding how pitiful i am and finaaally letting myself learning something new. ) )

so,when i’m completely exhausted(it’s a very heartful moment,like a huge art block),i leave my artworks in a corner,i don’t touch it for hours,days,weeks or sometimes months.nobody can touch it .except me and i analyze and re analyze them until i completely hate what i do bc i found all the mistakes. 

At this moment, i’m ready for experimenting again, learn from my mistakes and move on.

Sometimes we need to take risks and get out of our comfort zone !!! just.fuckin. DO IT. it’s toxic to stay in our comfort zone for too long . 8;A;8

An exemple of extrapolated drawing: Too much colors, too big arms / legs, too shiny,too weird and unlogical.We can’t understand. but whatever. it’s the beginning of something new! 

as smol addition to what i’ve said before, this is at this moment i can figure out my real problems .it’s only when i’m emotionallynot attached to mah art anymoar that i can finally produce something new .

However, i don’t personally give a fuck to tutorials,i’m too lazy for that. i have to discover everythin’ by mahself. (but this. it’s misplaced pride. so don’t do that .plz.learn from the others ,you won’t lose time like meh.)

Also.if u want to find ur art style , u need to not forget ur art references.  ໒( ͡ᵔ ▾ ͡ᵔ )७

 create your own influence map !

i worship mainly  two gorgeous artists :

Ephyse and C2ndyAc1d:

NEVER FORGET WHERE U COME FROM. NEVER DENY IT .it’s your past. it’s as important as your future.it’s a part of your artistic identity. OAO

no joke, it’s absolutely essential. thanks them for their hard work. it’s thanks to them if you’ve discovered your own art as well.

Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ and now ,if i show u mah art, can u spot the references? : 

anatomy ,candy’ :

colors,ephyse  :

After that. if u think you’re done…. u r eeextremely wrong. It’s where ppl usually stop.don’t do that. i kno’ so many artists who stopped right there. It’s bad bc they have SO MUCH potential.

“ What ppl see is not what i really do”.it’s a very personal phrase i keep in my heart. when i show somethin’ ‘’new’’ on internet or to my friends,in fact, it’s old for me. i’m already workin’ on something else in my corner. Bc do u remember waht i said before? that takes sometimes months to let ppl see my real art.

the practice NEVER ends. like neveh.  ヾ(´▽｀;)ゝ

put your pride somewhere else,it’s time to get back on the practice train.

here is asumiko nakamiro,one of my favorite artists as well. i love the anatomy of her characters. such lovely art style.

well, it’s awful,but it’s time to get inspired again.

//cries// Now u see how shitty u can be HmmMMm. a new challenge accepted.

And i have A TON of sketchbooks full of awful sketches that i will never show to anyone.

__________

Not everythin’ is on my table,i have waaaay more sketchbooks and it’s only traditional but there is certainly 2 years of practice in front of you. Don’t need to tell u but everythin’ is full ofc .i also finished a new wahn this week. plz remind meh to buy another one.

I also have THE HUGE CHANCE to have comic student artists as friends and they sometimes lend to me comic books(O3O ~LAST MAN. MAH LIL FAVORITE URG. ). I wish i had more place,but i read a lot of books ! i love goin’ to the library and read everythin’ i can ‘til my head hurts haha. (and LOOK ,”astemio”the book on the right ! i participated to this fanzine. oh boi.i’m so proud even if mah art in there is so shitty )

In short.

i’m constantly drawing and experimenting. that’s how i found mah art style. （=´∇｀=）

and actually, for ppl who still read. i’m about to take a break from tumblr and the youtube community bc i can’t experiment as i would like . i want to draw my ocs, create stuff and i’m stuck with youtubers fan art. i need a creative break.

If you need moar informations on mah art style or anythin’ else, feel free to ask meh. i tried mah best to explain even if it’s really personal.

Never give up,find ur own way of thinking and practicin’. goddamit plz, trust ur intuition.trust your art taste and don’t draw what ppl would like to see. 

If i was doing that, i would draw some semi realistic post apo’ stuff. And even if i rly appreciate that drawn by mah friends. it’s clearly not my thing. 

also.MY BIGGEST ADVICE FOR ALL OF YOU . LEARN THAT BEFORE CRYING :

(￣▽￣)ノHAVING UR OWN ART STYLE  MEANS THAT PEOPLE MIGHT GENUINELY NOT LIKE IT. COMPLETELY HATE IT OR FALL IN LOVE WITH. IT S SO RANDOM AND YOU CAN T BLAME ANYONE FOR THAT.

U CAN T SATISFY EVERYWAHN. PLZ. MAKE SURE TO KEEP THIS IN MIND.HANG UP. IT S NOT YOUR FAULT. WE ALL HAVE OUR PREFERENCES. (ノ*゜▽゜*)

That’s it.  hope that was helpful !cool cool ! g-good luck!

[mumbzi96-blog]

Day 3: Inspired Back to Work

Personal Matters

Today I woke up to the heavy knocking sounds on my front doors at exactly 8:30 am. The deliveryman was standing outside with a package I’ve ordered for a friend. I payed him and went directly to bed.

The package was a digital sketchpad, my friend’s been working a web-comic with her sister and they needed this to actually keep on doing this. Thing is, she payed good money to work on what she’s passionate about, and I’ve been watching Orange is the New Black, and playing Watch Dogs 2 for a week without work... So with those 3 unhealthy hours of sleep, I got my decaying body out of its coffin, made some coffee and got back to work!

Game Dev Matters

My goal for Day 3 was to make a small game, and not be one of those developers who start off too big and end up losing motivation. The game I discussed in my Day 2 post was too big to start with so I went even smaller.  I dug up an old story I wrote back in high school to get my grades up.

A young boy who lost his father slowly regains his hopes and dreams in being a painter.

I started by searching for some assets I can use to which I reached the point of hating EVERYTHING so I went with ANYTHING. I shouldn’t be keeping myself behind because this project is about testing what I’ve learned up till now.

Step 2 was coding and gameplay, I got the character to move and the NPCs to walk around as I please, but I couldn’t get conversations working because of how Unity deals with UI and text. Right after that I decided that it was time for a break, one that took a whole week and I have nothing to say about that because it’s simply my fault for slacking off.

THAT was all a week ago, I pressed pause on Day 3, and continued right after paying for that sketchpad I mentioned earlier.

Thankfully, I’ve worked well today, I reviewed the codes and got the text done, and if you would like to know, just like any other problem, it was easy, but frustration doesn’t help... Jeez, it feels like I’m apologizing to my mom.

Anyway, I feel like I’m back on track, I’ll be posting a bit more now that THAT drama is done.

Final Notes

Design is still on a side platter.

I’ve decided to have two things done for Day 4, first of all I’m putting the story arc in Twine (An incredibly simple game engine for text adventures), that should make the story easier to follow and edit.

Coding is probably something I’ll dive pretty deep into especially if I finish the Twine thing tomorrow. I’m probably going to draw a map for it, and maybe find a simpler way to organize the scripts.

GAME ON!

[reneeacaseyfl]

The Lonely Pursuit of Air Hockey Greatness

[What you need to know to start the day: Get New York Today in your inbox.]

At a bar in Brooklyn this spring, when the hockey playoffs were still going on, a guy with a nose ring and glasses approached a visitor from Toronto who was watching the Maple Leafs game on a small TV in the corner of the bar. He challenged the Leafs fan to a game of air hockey and even offered to buy him a beer if he won.

He neglected to mention that he was currently ranked No. 10 in the world and was almost certainly the best air hockey player in New York.

His name was Justin Flores, and he had been coming to Ontario, a dive bar in Williamsburg, for weeks, waiting for anybody to approach the table. He’d recently found a student — a New Yorker named Liz Cash, who hoped to become the top-ranked female player in the world, and he had her training with the appropriate intensity. He himself was also getting ready for the World Championships that were set for the end of July in Colorado Springs. Both he and his mentee are attending and fully expect to achieve glory if not win much in the way of money.

But he was always on the lookout for more disciples, and he was always up for a game.

When the Canadian sidled over between periods, Mr. Flores was visibly pumped. If it was hard for him to attract opponents, it was no problem drawing a crowd once a game was underway. For one thing, Mr. Flores, who is 30, holds the mallet by its edge, not by the knob, the way most people do, which is the mark of a novice. He also knows how to put the puck into a so-called circle drift, gently cycling it back and forth before executing a killer shot.

Like a true hustler, Mr. Flores let the Canadian score a few points. The subsequent annihilation of his opponent drew stares. One bearded observer took the Juul out of his mouth and looked stunned. “I’ve never seen anyone play like that,” he said.

Mr. Flores became hooked on air hockey while shooting photos of the national championship for his college paper a decade ago in Houston, a hotbed of elite players. He can’t sum up what he loved about the game in a single sentence, or really at all — it’s just “too big” for him. He’s an engineer in training, a really no-nonsense guy. But for him, as much as he thinks it’s corny to say, air hockey is an art.

“It’s a level playing field,” he said, “and what someone does with it is up to them.”

But when he moved to New York in 2013, he found that few people felt the same way. In a city that has no less than five Quidditch teams and a competitive musical chairs tournament, almost no one seemed interested in his passion.

Mr. Flores has posted fliers around Ontario Bar (the only place in the area that would give him permission) and on Facebook groups like New York Air Hockey Club (which has fewer than 100 followers) with his challenge: He will buy a beer for anyone who can beat him. So far, he hasn’t had to.

According to the Air Hockey Players Association, one of the sport’s governing bodies, only 24 air hockey players in the world are designated professionals, and only 10 of them are recognized as masters. As far as he knows, Mr. Flores is the only air hockey master in the five boroughs. That’s something he’s been trying to change for years — his goal is to cultivate a local scene that rivals the one in his home state of Texas, where the game’s rules were first codified and the best players have historically come from.

But even there, competitive air hockey is relatively obscure. Aficionados blame the arrival of the video game Pong, released by Atari in 1972 — the same year that air hockey tables first went to market. Bar patrons clearly preferred digital table tennis; air hockey tables briefly went out of production in 1978.

A fanatic named Mark Robbins, who happened to be the son of Atari’s former president, rejected his birthright and rented a van so he could drive across the country and hold air hockey exhibitions at arcades, buying as many tables as he could along the way. His hope was that, at the very least, he and his friends could keep playing for the rest of their lives.

By 1985, he had persuaded a company called Dynamo Corp. to begin making what’s now considered an acceptable facsimile of the original table. Finding a Dynamo of a certain length — which by design features no blinking, distracting lights alongside it — is now the Holy Grail for enthusiasts.

Real estate is also part of the story. Competition air hockey tables are eight feet long, but space considerations in New York bars typically only allow for one that’s a foot shorter. Another complication arises from the fact that some of the few places in the city that can fit a bigger table don’t seem to want Mr. Flores around. He prefers to bring his own regulation puck, which is heavier and more robust than the flimsy plastic ones that you find at barroom tables.

“It’s like practicing baseball with a Wiffle ball,” Mr. Flores said.

With heaviness comes loudness. In fact, he was banned from training at a place with an eight-foot table in Bay Ridge last year because he switched out the default puck for a version that the pool-playing crowd found distracting. So now he’s exclusively training at Brownstone Billiards in Park Slope, where the air hockey table is in a different area from the pool players. It’s a trek from where Mr. Flores lives, in Ridgewood, Queens, but it’s worth it.

It’s also convenient for Liz Cash, Mr. Flores’s student, who lives in Crown Heights and will be joining him at the Colorado tournament. The table is paid for by the hour rather per game, which is much better for practicing maneuvers, like a boxer working a speed bag.

The two met in 2015 at Ontario Bar, and Mr. Flores instantly saw something in Ms. Cash, a muscular physical therapist. She’s a competitive boxer, unable to fully dedicate herself to martial arts because she keeps injuring both of her wrists. But she’s apparently in prime condition for air hockey.

Ms. Cash didn’t realize it was a legitimate sport until she met Mr. Flores at one of his air hockey meetups. When he told her that her competitive drive and athletic prowess gave her the capacity for greatness, she went from merely interested to obsessed.

“He told me I could be the best woman in the world,” she said at a recent training session. “At that time, Justin was like Yoda to me. He might as well have been levitating off the table.” She’s since started juggling and training her vision.

With only weeks to go before the 2019 Air Hockey Players Association World Championship tournament in Colorado Springs, the training partners had some work to do. Ms. Cash tends to stick out her left leg when shooting, like a figure skater going into an Arabesque. It’s a good way for her to build momentum — she describes it like the final piece of a whipping motion that begins at the arm. Plus: “Sometimes I do it because I’m only 5-foot-3 and have to be on my tiptoes.”

Although she’s quite ferocious and talented, she suffers from Meniere’s disease, which can induce the kind of vertigo she suffered the only other time she seriously competed, in 2017. She finished a disappointing 22nd in that tournament, but she thinks she could have won the whole thing if she hadn’t gotten dizzy.

An additional obstacle to her ascentis that she has only Mr. Flores and another pro, based out of Connecticut, to practice against. There’s also the fact that the table she’s training on in Park Slope isn’t very good. It meets the basic specifications, but it also has a huge gash on one end, doesn’t keep score, and frequently turns off in the middle of a game.

“This is like Chuck-E-Cheese for adults,” said Ms. Cash. “All the other serious players practice on tables that work well. Everything should be like butter.”

Before their recent practice session, Mr. Flores wiped down the lackluster table with isopropyl, and the two taped up their middle and index fingers. When they started playing, they both hit the puck so hard that it regularly flew off the table. They took turns unplugging the Dynamo, trying in vain to make it fully operational for the entirety of a match. It didn’t work, and Ms. Cash used the frequent pauses to drink a homemade concoction full of electrolytes out of a Mason jar. “I was surprised the first time I went to Colorado just how much you can sweat from air hockey,” she said.

After a couple of hours, the two were involved in a heater of a set. Ms. Cash was ultimately victorious, seven games to four. She was pretty sure that it was the first time she’d beaten her mentor — a good sign for Colorado — and something she attributed to the fact that she’d just learned how to juggle with four balls earlier that day. She was positive that had caused new areas to light up in her brain.

Since then, she’s spent hours practicing her forehand with a goal blocker. She’s also been playing against co-workers from the gym and training her vision. She thinks that this unique form of preparation will push her over the edge to beat Niki Flanagan, the best woman air hockey player of all time.

“My advantage will come from my insight into the human body,” Ms. Cash said. “No one else in the tournament is going to be thinking about their cerebellum.” As Ivan Lendl did with tennis, Ms. Cash also thinks she will introduce fitness and conditioning to the game of air hockey. “These big, heavy guys who I’m going to play against will be stiff,” she said. “That’s going to limit them.”

Ms. Flanagan is aware of her challenger. Now 47, Ms. Flanagan has returned from a five-year hiatus after having a daughter. A graduate of the University of Texas with what is said to be a devastating cross-straight shot, she was ranked as high as No. 14 in the world before she became pregnant.

When she decided to get back into the game about a year ago, she checked out some Facebook pages for air hockey and saw the sport had become much more physical than back in her day. Ms. Flanagan said that she started running and lost 61 pounds. She’s heard about Ms. Cash’s prowess but doesn’t quite know what to make of her.

“She has a good formula, because she’s into fitness and working out,” she said. “That’s a big part of things now. My stamina is up from running, and I’m on a low-carb diet. But I honestly have no idea what vision training even is. I’ll have to ask her about that when we finally meet.”

Credit: Source link

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