#i find myself thinking in english
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#when i'm reading#i find myself thinking in english#as in idk i read a scene and i have thoughts about it and they come in english instead of spanish??#and yeah that's normal for me when i'm writing like i'm doing now#or when i'm actually speaking out loud in english#i haven't felt the need to think in spanish and then translate to english in ages#but what's weird about this is that i have no need to be thinking in spanish since it's just thoughts#and i'm like... why#it's scary haha#i guess it's because i'm reading in english and my brain doesn't make the switch fast enough but STILL#idk i had to need to write this down somewhere and this place is dead so i was like lets go to tumblr lmao
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ok so there's this phenomenon i have encountered with some of my mutuals and now im curious
no option for nosy english speakers come back in a week
#the thing is#i find myself assuming that the other person would prefer to speak english#due to past experiences + i dont always know if they're fluent in hebrew/feel comfortable speaking it#and then there's the pronouns issue#anyway. i think i speak english to about 50% of my local mutuals#now give me your answers#🤎
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And I just have to tell you that I
Love you so much these days,
#homestuck#dirk strider#bgd#brain ghost dirk#jake english#dirkjake#hs2#homestuck^2#homestuck 2#hsbc#homestuck beyond canon#homestuck epilogues#candy epilogue#admin draws#fanart#i cant even pretend im normal about my own art or this song im sorry#im tryna think of something to say abour this and i keep thinking about the lyrics and i GRGRHHHHFHFJG#i dunno man. i love plastic beach. i cant say anything here that is not gallbladder-achingly cheesy#but just. i dont know.#jake keeping a little bit of dirk in his heart all those years. even if bgd is 'all' jake hes still in the memory he carries#when i listen i find myself stuck between which singer/verse should be jake and which should be dirk. but the answer is simple#theyre both both.#jake thinks hes the one singing abour getting abandoned. but really hes the one losing himself in the substance#and dirk. dirk is the one watching him lose himself. but since hes just a part of jake. yeah.#'i have to tell you that i love you so much these days' both as something jake is saying to dirk and what jake wishes dirk was there to say#hes so alone in that reality. even if he might not admit and go so far as to imagine dirk saying it. its something that deep down#he aches to hear. the man who has deemed himself unlovable and incapable of love. he still wants to hear it despite himself#he still wants to say it despite nnot being able to bring himself to even process that emotion#sigh. see what happens. i cant talk aboht it bc a single line turns intoTHIS
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Just some random sketches ...
Her morning stretch 🤸♀️🤸♀️🤸♀️
Violette struggled during her first flight, plus she doesn't like wearing trousers at all...
The hug 👀 (not st official just for poses study haha, and I've just notice I have never drawn them kissing or hugging before 😅)
#also lately I've been trying to write Vi and Seb's story and incorporating some extra plots into the main game storyline#but i honestly find it kinda dificult cuz Im not a good writer at all#I think the hardest part is to estisblish a whole consistent & reasonable plot#so I took Maddy's advice of putting myself in the character view and think about what they will do in certain situations#it does help alots 😀 but it's still difficult haha#plus I dont feel confident in my English#anyway Im not planning to write fic what i'll do is tell Vi's story through my illustrations and comics#and posing and paneling is another stories#ok I'll stop yapping#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy mc#sebastian sallow#violette laurant#hogwarts legacy oc
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I know this is a very unoriginal observation (much like any other), but I'm finally reading The Great Gatsby, and even I wouldn't describe men the way Nick does.
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#i did watch the 2013 film for my ap english class though (i think they didn't have enough time left for us to actually read it)#like the way he described tom was very. superfluous in my opinion. something you want to tell the class NICK (joking)#i find myself really partial to the general writing styles of that time though#i haven't even gotten that far in the book either i'm just barely past the part where daisy is introduced#so nick is just waffling about his family history and how he rents for $80/month#which is relatable when you consider inflation. nick i hope you eat you landlord#i can see why people don't like this writing but i am endlessly fascinated by the prose#maybe i should just free myself from the impulse to hide behind layers of self-censorship and live like nick does#tbh tho i still prefer non-fiction and textbooks BUT fiction is valuable and is useful#fiction is like play - it lets you explore different possibilities and thought in a safe environment
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Heard Sonic Boom is 10 years old today so in its honour here's an edit of the Sonic Boom intro we all deserved
#sonic boom#sonic the hedgehog#alas..... had to get the. i think it's the French version of the intro? couldn't find the full one in English#not that it matters bc there was no dialogue only the text#i don't even remember if it's French actually i made this ages ago#listen i love sonic boom but the intro was just... not as good as the intro for every other sonic cartoon that came before it#truly it and we were robbed#especially when we had a perfectly good sonic boom song for it#(I'm sure there was probably some kind of legal issues reason they couldn’t use it. that doesn't stop me from Longing)#so i said fine i will do it myself#timing is a lil off but I'm too lazy to fix it so this is what we get#has someone already done this? undoubtedly. but i couldn’t find it so i made one myself#two cakes and all that jazz#oh look she speaks
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not going to lie, I think sooner or later some of you will have to come to terms with the fact that ALWAYS needing to completely relate and/or only seeing YOURSELF in the characters you read about/play as/watch in movies, can not only severely impact your critical thinking as a whole but also have very real consequences irl when you are suddenly introduced to struggles or issues you didn’t and maybe won’t ever face. suddenly your empathy is stunted 'cause you never really tried to put yourself in some else’s shoes, not even fictionally
#ari.txt#text#this is of course a generalization but still something i've found myself thinking about often#the growing obsession with the little things in fiction#restricting your reading to only 1st person pov#making ocs that only look like you again and again#choosing to engage with characters in an ensamble based on who looks like you the most#refusing to extend any type of curiosity towards people who are written differently who may be difficult to relate to in the beginning#all of these things on their own are NOT bad per se#but i'm starting to see a pattern emerging as of late and it got me thinking#especially considering we are living in a time where people are shamelessy using arguments that sounds like#what does it have to do with me / they wouldn't approve of me or my sexuality / they worship a different god / have a different skin color#to justify a literal gen*cide#i was hesitant to even post cause as per usual i hate to express more complex thoughts in english which i find severely lacking#but maybe someone else will find it even slightly relevant
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look at my child my prince my beloved he's baaack
#still waiting to see who's voicing him in english 👀👀#also y'all know why i'm including the ch 16 cover in this post#also if anyone knows /how/ i gaslit myself into thinking his mother was canonically from england lmk#i can find the part of the manga where ciel mentions that neither he no agni speaks with an [indian] accent#but i thought there was some other mention of his mother being born in england or smth somewhere#that being said i don't make a habit of rereading the indian butler arc so i could be forgetting something#shut up lilly#let's chat#soma asman kadar#kuroshitsuji#black butler#black butler season 4
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The impossible girl
#doctor who#clara oswin oswald#clara oswald#I might have a slight obsession with her#specifically season 7 her#digital art#my art#digital fanart#this was brought to you by my English professor believing that 10 minutes are enough for 100 students to sign next to their name on a sheet#like we’re 8? 9? lessons in and people still don’t get that the list is in alphabetical order by first name#im still not 100% sure about the colours of the blocks (?) in the background#I quite like this#took me forever to find a way they fit together#and if you think this is a lot the procreate page was like double the size#then I controlled myself#wow on the drafts it look like the world when I’m not wearing my glasses#aka extremely blurry#click if you don’t want to think you might be going blind#I love to yap in the tags#nobody cares#but i love it#also love whoever invented the verb yap#bestie how am i so fucking dumb that I did not colour in a bit#and did not notice for….#A WEEK?!#oh thats embarassing
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"my education is my highest priority" everything returns to vocaloid
#delete later#shitpost#vocaloid#?? idk i might keep it up. yes ik turning off rbs is a thing now technically but i always keep forgetting and also naaaah.#i might go edit proper tags in later just bc i dont this to show up in main pages but i needdddddd the organization on here#i made this a while back procrastinating on a linguistics reading and then never posted it#AND THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE BC IM POSTING IT NOW WHILE PROCRASTINATING ON ANOTHER LINGUISTICS READING LMAOO#dudeee i gotta lock in. oh my god. its so bad up in here triple assault. i cant focus on SHIT. WHY DO I ALWAYS GET IDEAS WHEN IM BUSY AHGHH#this might be revealing a bit too much info but pls this is legit what happened LMAOO 😭🥴#we're starting ipa alphabet stuff now and im like 'hey i already know you...' from phoneme fuckery ive had to do for voca shitposts#knowing linguistics is cool cause u get to dissect what makes languages work and i thought that'd be genuinely helpful for things#like i plan to do more english/spanish translation work specifically so yuh. but also I KNOW internally in my heart...#despite trying to give the professional justifications I KNOW my stupid ass is secretly just absorbing all this knowledge for voca purposes#my brand of shitposting goes against the very origin of the word since 'shitposting' originally refers to very low effort low quality memes#so there's been a semantic shift in definition even outside of mine but i still think its really funny. i put a lot of genuine hard work#into making stupid little jokes to amuse primarily myself and maybe anyone else who finds it on the internet. so yea#no but genuinely though its unironically incredible how much shit i've learned direct or indirectly for vocaloid shitposting purposes
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#I just think it's ironic how I spent so much time thinking about leaving this country. but the moment I said: hey maybe I could make it work#if I find a good job and income maybe I could make it work. because I don't /want/ to leave#because this is my home and I know I won't be able to find myself anywhere. the MOMENT I decided to stay here and fight for my own future#and MAYBE be able to get my own place and just be at peace... THE MOMENT I decided that#things went to hell. and now ALL I think about 24/7 is where am I going to go? what should I do to leave? how much will it cost?#where do I begin?#and I'm lost and I feel like I'm trapped and running out of time because I don't know what's going to happen#and for the first time in a while I'm feeling /desperate/#it's like I'm grieving this country even before leaving it. but also grieving my life here#and the worst thing is that I don't even think I will (leave). I just want to. but I can't (hence the 'trapped' feeling)#I really wish I could go to sleep tonight and wake up in a safe place where I could be happy#my own little place is all I want. I don't even ask for endless fortune or beauty or love or anything#just a way and a place to be#random#personal#my shitty English#ohhhh... to be free to cry. what a dream. instead I have to take deep breaths and keep moving#where to? no idea. but moving it is
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went in to therapy with no hard plan and ended up talking about my weird ass book anxiety #iamnormal
#something about my depression hitting me the hardest in my ap english grade after being a book kid growing up really fucked me up i think#like that is the only class i have ever failed in my life and i have academic achievement dependency#anywaysssss if you guys have recommendations for easy reads i could find at a library or online please share them#i need to ease myself into reading what i own because theyre all either aspirational reads or books from ap english lol
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Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
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a wuhwuh that took way too long bc i decided to try krita and i was so lost the entire time
#i feel like i spent more time trying to find my way around than actually drawing and thats probably correct.#couldnt be arsed to fully render this one RIP#trigun#nicholas d. wolfwood#trigun fanart#my art#me throughout the entire process: wuh??? wuh.......?? WUH??!????????#krita is so confusing...... why is it like that.... didnt help that i switched language in the middle of it bc english was different than#what im used to for art programs but then everything was different and i could barely locate the blending modes i wanted and#it was a whole mess#i like some of the brushes a lot tho#i feel so exhausted after that#i could sleep for 24h#im like sluggishly working my way through the manga atm#started it AND the 98 series AND stampede on the same day bc apparently i hate myself like that#i havent been keeping up with stampede since?? ep9??? i think???
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OK, SEVERELY rambly post incoming but - Anderperry Stardust (2007)/ The Little White Horse AU, anyone?
Rundown: I think many of us are familiar with Stardust, originally a Neil Gaiman book but also a great film, starring Claire Danes as a falling star and That Guy Who Plays Daredevil as the lad who promises to bring her to the girl he's infatuated with. The Little White Horse is, to the best of my knowledge, more unknown, but equally very good (for sentimental reasons, I think of it much more highly than Stardust). Published in 1946 by Elizabeth Goudge, it tells the story of thirteen-year-old orphan Maria Merryweather, who moves to her cousin Sir Benjamin's Moonacre Manor in the West Country, where she finds a) a thriving cosy community and a long family history, b) the little white horse of the title, c) a longstanding family feud cutting off Moonacre from the sea, d) her imaginary best friend Robin, real and in the flesh, and e) some of the most deliciously-described food that has ever been or will be. It's a great book even past the rose-tinted glasses of my childhood. Go read it. (The one (1) marring is that you can't find a bloody edition that doesn't have a JK Terfling quote pasted onto the cover, because apparently it was one of her favourite books, but fuck OFF, I'm reclaiming it now. Thou shalt not keep the cosy low fantasy from me.)
Anyway even though I mention Stardust this isn't really part of the AU I have in my mind, except for the bit with the Star, because Todd as a main character who thinks he's a very forgettable bland boy-in-the-corner until he finds out he's a star is a great thought to me. Particulars on /how/ he's a star to be fleshed out later! (I only thought of this AU about two hours ago, lol.)
In my mind this is how it goes - nebulously Olden Times setting (TLWH is set in 1842, so perhaps then). Todd is around seventeen/eighteen and Geoff has just graduated from university, and gone off around Europe, accompanied by their parents. Months go by. Something happens - he's never given the liberty of knowing, but Geoff and their parents stay in Europe, and the townhouse in London is sold, and Todd is packed off to stay at a distant relative's - Keating, as it turns out. It's a blessing in disguise, because Todd is finally away from his family for the first time in his life and around people that appreciate him. He begins to bloom under this new care - but there are strange family secrets only now being revealed to him, and dark forces beyond the valley which threaten to disrupt the haven he's found...
The rest is very cosy fantasy, featuring Mr Perry as the local uptight vicar locking horns with Keating at every opportunity, Neil as his withdrawn but friendly son just longing for a rebellion, and more! (Read: Charlie is here and he is Outrageous as usual. Read also: Pitts as a sailor because I think he'd like it.) Right now I'm thinking of adding an equivalent of Monsieur Cocq de Noir for a villain (Mr Perry is NOT the villain), and Cameron can play a part there so I can give him a good redeeming! Here are a couple of extracts from TLWH to show the kind of mood/tone we're working with:
Thematically, I REALLY like the idea of Todd as a star because it allows me to work in a very fun trope, of "not of the rose but near the rose" - when a character perhaps is shy and a little quiet and reclusive, but inspires other people around them to brilliance and greatness. (Honestly I do think this kind of goes in with the film, where it's not just Keating's teaching but Todd's reaction to it and his presence that galvanise Neil to continue.) This ties in really well if Todd's a star and adds to the overall self-confidence journey - plus I was really thinking about the sun/moon motifs! They're very prominent in TLWH (Maria is a "moon" Merryweather and Robin is a very sunny boy), and I really want to implement them here with slight twists. I think of Todd as a sunny moon; yes he's warm and caring and cheerful but once you go a little closer it's more of a luminosity rather than a blaze, there's a coolness and quietness to him I like. You know, a quiet character doesn't always have to be quiet because there's something "wrong" with them, sometimes they're just like that. For Neil it's the opposite, he's a moony sun; under the thumb of his father he's polite and decorous and demure but somewhere under all of that there's a very loud and booming laugh and a healthy sort of ruddiness. I don't know, I just like sun/moon motifs!!!!!!!!!!
(On a more personal note: this AU, which I already love very much despite not having known very long, would be above all a careful love letter to the West Country. It's been lovely living around here almost all my life and by this time in September I'll be hopefully up very far north at uni, so I'm pre-emptively kind of :') about it. Mutuals who are at uni/college how on earth did you cope?)
#story time! the little white horse was actually the first book i ever read#all by myself in english. i'd only just learnt it#and a friend's grandparents gave me a copy as a present - i must have been four or five#thanks phyllis and peter. i miss you :(#anyway i revolved around that book for the better part of a year#even years and years later sometimes i walk home from school#down the big hill that looks over the valley with the lightning-burnt tree stump at the bottom#and when it gets green and bowery in the summer#and the little hollow at the foot gets very thick with cow parsley i always think i could find the entrance to moonacre#in it. if i really really looked#:')#maybe i will write this over the summer#anderperry#dead poets society#dps#tristan writes#ah. can you tell i'm feeling so so sentimental.
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Sarnax.... mentally sending him a slice of strawberry cheesecake.....perhaps he will enjoy it....
#im.going to sleep now i promise#im really tired#ueue#my fucking legs#idk what it is but whenever my period starts my legs become so useless god they fucking hurt so much#tomorrow will be the worst actually when it comes to physical pain#but now i can sleep and think of how mikey described that sarnax sleeps curled around his lantern#btw its an obvious observation but#its so fun to see how when mikey plays gricko he has that one look tm on his face most of the time#u know the one#the gricko expression#and when he plays sarnax hes more frowny and way more serious#its really fun to observe idk#dont mind me im just looking at how people i find cool behave in order to start doing those things myself so maybe im cooler#idk if its a me problem or if its connected to english being my second language#perhaps both#fuvk i should go to sleep#well#i really want strawberry cheesecake#i know a relationship with me would be akin to a relationship with a stale cookie im very aware of that#but rn id love to be taken out on a date for a slice of strawberry cheesecake and perhaps a vanilla milkshake#ok goodnight im going to dream of cheesecake hopefully#and hopefully im not gonna get a FUCKING NIGHTMARE BECAUSE COS IS GIVING ME FHCMKNG NIGHTMARES#gn
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