#i find 'lost' characters can make me feel a bit 'lost' re: what happens next because *they* don't know

[picnokinesis]

flux adjacent fic recs

in media res by wreckageofstars (3k, 1 chapter, gen) summary: “Well,” she said. “Now you know what the mattress is for.” Dan shifted. “And the trampoline?” “Best not ask about the trampoline.” //I think this is probably the first Dan pov fic I ever read, and it’s absolutely brilliant. This author gets the character voices down so perfectly it’s unreal, and the whole thing is just so wonderful to see from Dan’s outsider perspective. It’s set in the immediate aftermath of Once, Upon Time, and it does a fantastic job of exploring the impact of what happened in that episode – both from a whump perspective and an emotional one. Angsty, but also funny in the worst kind of way – someone please go give Yaz a break, she REALLY needs one. Anyway, it’s great, everyone go read it right now.

Hearts of Stone by weirdpug (previously xhonia) (1k, 1 chapter, thoschei) summary: The Doctor loses herself. The Master finds her. //Ohhh this one this one, it’s SO awesome – it’s one of those fics that does really cool things with the formatting? Which works great here, because it’s a weeping angel!13 fic and wow, wow! Extremely awesome indeed, and just beautifully written – the prose is just so full of character, even when the Doctor is losing herself and it’s so well done.

Divination by WalkerLister (6k, 1 chapter, gen) summary: “There was a name for someone similar to me once. They called them the Valeyard. You can call me that, if you like. I quite like it, it’s suitably eerie. Little bit of drama never hurt anyone.” //Right, so we all remember what happened when War of the Sontarans aired…we got that ‘next time’ trailer of Once Upon Time…and all collectively lost our minds over the inverted dark coat. Since then, I feel like everyone has been finding really creative ways to get it into fanfics, and this is a wonderful example. And, well, if the promise of dark coat!13 wasn’t enough, this fic is just an absolutely fascinating look at the concept of the Valeyard in the context of the fobwatch from Flux, but focused on Yaz and her relationship with/perception of the Doctor. It’s such a good concept and so so wonderfully done! (also, if you’re a fan of thasmin, this author has a ton of stuff, so definitely go check it all out! For the less thasmin-inclined folks, I highly recommend Ipesity, which is one of my favourite post-TTC fics)

three points where two lines meet by Ymae (4k, 1 chapter, gen) summary: The Doctor tries to get those memories back, and breaks herself, bit by bit. //Oh man. This fic. I still remember when this one first posted and hoooooo boy, it is a hell of a gut-punch and absolutely wrenched my heart right out of my chest but HHHHHHHHH wow!! WOW. Genuinely, I think this fic rewrote my brain a little bit. It's set in the immediate aftermath of Once, Upon Time where the Doctor makes some very unwise decisions about trying to tug at her timeline and it's absolutely incredible. Very angsty, very whumpy, and full of a HUGE amount of the Doctor messing with timelines and very visceral, tangible descriptions of her timesense. It is such a treat, guys. And if you like this one and want something with similar vibes, I also highly recommend this post-flux fic by the same author!

Sheer Poetry! by Papapaldi (57k, 5 chapters, gen) summary: Trapped within her own mind, the Doctor travels through an impossible house, with everyone she has ever been locked inside. Her body is an unresponsive, useless bag of flesh somewhere far and away in reality. The part of her brain that she knows, where her past resides, sits somewhere else entirely within the old machine. The Ravagers eat, buried memories beckon, and the Doctor's faith is shaken to its core. She will never be the same – but that's what she's all about, right? Incredible change. //oh my days. THIS FIC, guys - look, I see the word count, I know, I know. This fic is a serious undertaking, but like so many things in life it is soooooo so worth it. Bucket loads of absolutely ASTOUNDING imagery, more references to Lungbarrow and Timewyrm Revelation than you can shake a stick at, BUT you don't need to have read those stories at all to enjoy this absolutely fantastic saga (put it like this - I've not read those books, and I had a whale of a time). Incredibly poetic, a little nonsensical in the best kind of way (it IS a mindscape fic) but startlingly funny and so beautifully in character. I laughed, I cried. This fic is just a love letter to everything Doctor Who, weaving all of canon into this beautiful, cohesive tapestry. I highly recommend. (and, if you're hungry for more and want tpotd content, there's an excellent sequel as well)

every step i choose to take (begins to set the world aflame) by SleepyMaddy (12k, 1 chapter, thoschei) summary: In a spaceport lost in a remote quadrant of interstellar space, a Doctor who doesn’t know herself anymore runs into a Master who doesn’t know himself yet // Ok so the sheer concept of this one ALONE is absolutely brilliant – the Doctor, escaping from the Division and half out of her head, bumps into the Master, who’s not long regenerated from Missy. And, guys. It’s fascinating. Seeing the Master right at the start, before he finds out everything that comes to define him in this era, and then having him meet a version of the Doctor who is quite a lot further along than him and just completely out of it? It’s like catnip to me, guys. And, of course, it’s all helped by the fact that the writing is absolutely brilliant – the characters are just absolutely spot on, which is quite an incredible feat seeing as they are both in very different places to where we see them in the show, yet they still manage to ring true throughout the whole thing. And also the mindscape imagery? The psychic whump? The emotional gut-punch that is the entire fic? Absolutely unparalleled. (also, if you’re a spydoc fan? Just help yourself out and read this author’s entire set of works, because it’s all fantastic)

see me bare my teeth for you by picnokinesis (16k, 1 chapter, gen) summary: “Do you know your mission?” //This is a bit of a cheeky self-rec, but, in my defence, if you're looking for flux fics, then I think you'll enjoy this one. I wrote it in the week after Village of the Angels aired, and it's basically all my thoughts and theories about what was going to happen in Survivors of the Flux thrown into a 16k oneshot. I was...mostly wrong HAHA but I’m still really proud of it. If you like division!doctor, then this one is for you

we're only dreaming (tell me who i am) by SpaceBetweenGalaxies (2k, 1 chapter, gen) summary: more the-memory-house-is-Lungbarrow clowning //ok, so if you were like me when flux was airing and absolutely lost your MIND over the illogical house which was a bit too on the nose regarding Lungbarrow related things, then THIS FIC IS FOR YOU. Absolutely brilliantly done, with some gorgeous imagery that I'm still thinking about to this day, and just a wonderfully unsettling exploration of the Doctor and how she picks at those cut off memories in the aftermath of the Flux

the stars are bound to change by emptypockets (9k, 1 chapter, gen) summary: Being trisected across the universe has unexpected consequences for the Doctor, and Yaz is tasked with the responsibility of keeping her awake. //ohhhhhh this fic is so wonderful!! It's that weird sweet spot of 'soft angst', where it hits where it hurts but at the same time the whole thing feels like it's wrapping you in a warm blanket. Augh!! Such a lovely portrayal of the Doctor and Yaz's dynamic - I adore how this author writes these two so much. An absolutely lovely (but angsty!) character exploration, with a healthy dose of whump and sleepiness on the side. What more could you want?

Everything by rowanthestrange (24k, 13 chapters, thasmin) summary: In which Yaz wants to know everything, and the Doctor finally wants that too. //Ok, so full disclosure, I don't read that much thasmin, but this fic, guys. It's just gorgeous. A beautifully written exploration of Yaz and her relationship with the Doctor in the aftermath of Flux, which explores the years Yaz spent in the past and how that changed her; the Doctor grappling with her identity issues and how that's changed her; as well as all sorts of other wonderful things besides. Another fic that had tears streaming down my face (the TARDIS chapter got me...). It's such a poignant, emotional fic, and it's very focused on character in a way that I really adore. If you like thasmin, this is an absolute must-read. If you're not a fan of thasmin, I recommend it anyway (- signed: a thoschei shipper) because it's just such a brilliant portrayal of these two.

[katuschka]

Olalla – Chapter Four

Josh Kiszka x female OC

6.432 words

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.

One more chapter until Jacob makes an appearance again, so bear with me. Some shit still needs to happen...

Warnings: alcohol consumption, junk food, lots of fluff, heavy petting, oral sex, masturbation, unprotected penetrative sex, some rough sex too, but not too much, orgams (self) denial, depression, allusions to trauma, some arguing going on, the main character being a bit insufferable

Taglist

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Feel the vibe Feel the terror Feel the pain It's driving me insane I can't fake For God's sake why am I driving in the wrong lane Trouble is my middle name But in the end I'm not too bad Can someone tell me if it's wrong to be so mad about you

Josh protested weakly for a short while but gave up soon, because he didn’t really have enough strength to fight with her. All he wanted to do was to wash the sticky sweat off his exhausted body and crawl in bed. He had a throbbing headache, his feet were swollen and his calves felt as if he set them on fire, not to mention the hollow ache deep inside his chest. The first panic attack had scared him shitless, but he learned to cope since then and could feel this one subsiding already. He hoped she didn’t recognize it, thinking that he was probably just upset by what happened…

He was also so hungry it hurt, but the idea of going anywhere and just being seen by any more people made him even more nauseous. He generally loved people, so this scared him too. He didn’t feel like himself anymore. 

“Could you please at least tell me where we’re going?” he asked after a while, still clutching his forehead with his elbow sticking out of the window. 

“We’re nearly there,” was all she said as she drove through the last sharp bend. They were now at the top of a bare, grassy hill with just a few trees here and there. The sun was setting right in front of them and if he just turned his head left, he would see a truly breathtaking view. It was a warm, breezy, fairytale evening. One of those summer evenings that make you forget about tomorrow; when you stay outside a bit too long, wrapped in a blanket, until early birds and the sun re-emerging on the other side tell you it’s finally time to go get some rest. 

Not today though. The magic was lost somehow. He just didn’t care. He didn't want to care right now…

They soon arrived at a wrought iron gate that separated the main road from a driveway which led to several log chalets. They were obviously new, but looked sufficiently traditional at the same time, built in the picturesque goralski style, with just a few modern enhancements. It looked fairytale-ish AND expensive.

In his dreamlike state, he watched her miraculously procure the keys from the glove box, step out of the car and open the gate. 

She did the same thing again after she parked the car in front of one of the smaller chalets. This time she motioned him to follow her inside. He groaned and slowly dragged himself out of the car. He wasn’t in the mood for whatever she’d been plotting or whoever she wanted to meet here. 

The plank wall interior looked bright and cozy and was moderately furnished with just a large and comfy-looking modern gray couch that contrasted with a wooden dining table and chairs carved in the rural style. There was also a fully equipped kitchenette, a large TV and stereo system and a wooden staircase with iron-wrought banister that led upstairs. It was also completely empty. 

“What is this?”

“Our shelter for the night,” she answered and switched the lights on because it was already getting dark inside. “I figured you’d appreciate a bit more privacy today.”

She wasn’t wrong, he couldn’t deny that. He knew he was a mess and if they went back, there would be questions, and the people who’d ask them, and he feared couldn’t deal with that right now. He was sure she didn’t want to, either. And this place was actually quite nice, but…

“So, it’s just the two of us? Is this place yours?” He asked tentatively. He thought it unlikely, but really hoped it was. 

“No, not mine. I couldn’t afford it even if I wanted to. And I don’t,” she replied matter-of-factly, as if that explained everything, and turned on the oven to let it pre-heat.

Joshua, however, looked positively alarmed now. Still clutching his backpack in one hand, he tried to stop her in her tracks with the other. “Seriously, Olalla! What is this place and how could you get us inside? Please, tell me we’re not trespassing. I don’t want more trouble. If we can pay for this, I definitely will! I don’t want you to…”

“Relax, Mr. I-will-pay-for-it-all. It’s been already paid for. This is a private resort. People pay yearly rent so they can come anytime they want. Anyway, this one belongs to a guy who owns a small chain of bakeries. I’m the housekeeper,” she finally started to explain while rummaging in the fridge and kitchen drawers. “Here, have some water. And stop bouncing around me like a yo-yo. Sit and relax, for fucks sake!” She grabbed his shoulders and gently pushed him in one of the chairs before she dived her nose in the freezer, searching for boxes with frozen pizza. She threw one on the table in front of him “Margherita?” 

He nodded weakly and she put it in the oven. “That’s why I couldn’t go to dinner with you the other day. I was here. Even when they’re not here, I come in here every week to keep this place spotless, because his wife is scared of spiders. Also, it just needs to be ready all the time in case they just decided to come here on a whim.” She noticed his alarmed face and added: “Not now! Don’t worry. They’re currently in Egypt…There’s some wine, too. Would you want some?”

He sucked in a breath and exhaled dramatically, which made her roll her eyes. “I take care of their groceries and other supplies. There’s a monthly budget and they don’t keep track, so they won’t notice. Besides, I can keep the change, so all in all you’re my guest… Now come have a look.”

She took his hand and led him to a small terrace outside a glass door at the southern side of the chalet. That’s when he finally saw it. The whole Tatra mountain range was stretching right in front of them. The setting sun was now illuminating just the tops of it, painting the peaks in fiery red, while the valley below was already shrouded in shadow. The glimmering streetlights of Zakopane looked surreal from where they stood, almost inappropriate…like a fake illusion that civilization could possibly surpass the power of the surrounding nature. We don’t control life, life controls us – that’s what Agnieszka thought. Josh, on the other hand, believed in divine symbiosis. Even now, all he could see was beauty. This was much bigger than him, much more important.

She watched with joy as his expression finally relaxed and a weak smile played on his lips.  “This is beautiful,” he breathed out at last. “You still didn’t explain why we’re really here.”

“I already told you. The privacy.” His crossed arms and raised eyebrows and the whole oh-come-on look on his face told her that he wasn’t buying. He didn’t look so drained anymore, though, already going back to his charming, bubbly self. And even if he wasn’t, she wouldn’t mind. 

She took a deep breath and told him that this was the exact reason. “We’re here so that you could just be yourself. You don’t need to feign anything tonight.”

If they went back to Eulalia, he would no doubt be forced to smile and act normal, at least until he’d reach the confines of his small and stuffy attic room. He had been upset, and she just wanted him to breathe and smile in earnest. This place was perfect for that. She would go here on her own sometimes – or stayed a bit longer than necessary after having done her chores – just to enjoy a private moment of peace, unbothered by anyone. That’s what she told him. 

She did not tell him that she feared that they would just part in the hallway and that would be it. There were still some things that were left unsaid and there might not be another opportunity to say them. She would resume her role of a receptionist/slash/maid and he’d be her guest again, engaging in polite conversations about the weather until he’d be gone for good. The whole ride here, the devil on her shoulder kept telling her that it would be better that way and that this was foolish. Or was it the angel? She couldn’t tell. She also couldn’t let go of him that easily. Maya was wrong. A lot of things could have happened…and they did. She needed closure. 

She did not need to tell him that, though. She brought him here not as her guest, but as her…whatever he was. A friend, most probably. Someone who she cared about, in spite of her resolve. 

He knew that, and that was what really made him smile, not just the view. 

“Thank you, Olalla,” he said in a low tone after a while and brought her from her reverie. “I truly love it here. Can we eat outside? he added, motioning to a set of fake rattan chairs and a small table right beside Agnieszka. He looked like an excited, mischievous boy again. 

“Of course,” she smiled kindly and the stove clock buzzed, telling them the pizza was ready. 

It was already dark when they finished eating, the wine was almost gone, too. It was getting chilly and they had to wrap themselves in blankets from the couch. Their bare and swollen feet, already freed from their heavy boots, were already getting uncomfortably cold, but neither of them wanted to leave yet. The pizza was okay, but small and they were still a bit hungry after, so Agnieszka quickly made some microwave popcorn. They were now munching the last handfuls, each of them lost in their thoughts, and watching the stars mirror the lights below. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” she finally broke the silence. 

“You’ll have to be more specific,” he smiled warmly and reached out to stroke the back of her hand that lay on her armrest... 

“The bus…” Her hand slid from under his fingers to reach for her wine, leaving them hovering in mid air awkwardly for a split second before he retracted them and clenched his fist unconsciously. 

His previously relaxed face clouded again. “What’s there to talk about? People are jerks, you can’t avoid them. End of story, I guess.” His tone was not unpleasant, but it sounded definitive. He wasn’t going to discuss his breakdown with her. She nodded and looked away, so he continued in his honeyed voice: “Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’m just impulsive. And I’d rather talk about our trip. The valley, it was a truly beautiful place. How many times have you actually been there?” 

Her heart sank and she watched him playing with the hem of his shirt for a while. It was OK if he didn’t want to talk about the bus ride, but the way he just dismissed the kiss stung her.  She cleared her throat because the lump in it threatened to choke her, and answered politely:  “A few times. I think I was six or seven when my dad took me there for the first time. We needed passports back then. 

“Well, that makes it easier now,” he nodded absentmindedly, still playing with his shirt. 

“Nothing is easier!” Her sudden outburst made him look up in annoyance, but his expression quickly softened when he saw her own. He wanted to hug her, but didn’t dare, too afraid that she would pull away from him again. 

He was about to suggest that they should probably call it a night. The wine obviously didn’t have the best effect on her. However, she took a deep breath and continued. It was a sudden outburst of words, totally out of her character, but he listened eagerly as she told him about the solace she found up there; how the weather made the same places look a bit different each time; how she knew every place accessible on foot and how Dominik – her fiance – once convinced her to get a climbing permit so that he could show her more; how she avoided going up there for nearly two years after he fell and left her here; how she finally learned that it’s just people’s stupidity that makes bad things happen, and nothing else…

She had no idea why she told him all that, but she suddenly felt so much lighter. It was just like the first night all over again. He was her confessor. 

“Is that why you’re running from love? he whispered.

“No,” she huffed in protest. “I’m just seeking joy elsewhere. Love is overrated.” 

“What? Oh no! Love is everything, dear. You cannot live without it. It’s the ultimate knowledge. ‘The more you love, the more you know’ – a dumb man once said. Love IS joy!”

“Yeah, you’re positively glowing,” she responded sarcastically.

“Even when it hurts, it’s worth it.”

“I’d rather never known that pain,” she mumbled. 

“I regret nothing.” His face betrayed him, though. This was clearly not true. He could feel her eyes on him as he chewed the inside of his cheek. She opened up to him, he should do the same. It just wasn’t easy, not when this ugly, fake and pixelated version of him kept defeating him and its tentacles could reach this place too if he weren’t careful. It had destroyed his love and it still threatened to destroy his life…or at least it felt that way sometimes.  “…well, almost…but that has nothing to do with love,” he added when the silence became unbearable.

“So, what’s his name?” The question made him smile, albeit ruefully. He loved how straightforward she was from day one. Some might think it rude, but her questions were always laced with pure interest and concern, nothing more. He appreciated that. She was clever, too…although not clever enough. 

“Who? The love I don’t regret?” It was obvious that she wasn’t going to repeat the question. They both knew exactly what she meant, so he looked at her at last and added, finally telling her much more than just a name: “Christopher.”

“Do you still love him?”

“I don’t believe in falling out of love…unless it turns to hate. And I could never do that.”

“That sounds a bit evasive.”

“Yet it’s the most truthful answer I could give you. Everyone I’ve ever loved has left a mark. Some may be a bit faded, but love just doesn’t leave. Don’t your vain attempts to run from it prove my point?” 

She huffed in annoyance and emptied her glass of wine. “He didn’t leave me intentionally. He died. Isn’t it natural to feel resentful when someone breaks your heart? They’re not gone, they just don’t want you anymore. I’m pretty sure it’s much easier to let go.”

“He didn’t break my heart. I broke his…and mine, in the process. I’m to blame. And I’m pretty sure he’s resentful, but it didn’t make it any easier for either of us. Besides, didn’t you just say a moment ago that it was all about human stupidity? We’re supposed to learn from it, not hide.” 

She had no answer to that. She just tightened the blanket around her, acting like they were just talking about the weather. “It’s getting a bit chilly.”

He gave her a long, scrutinizing look, but she kept avoiding his eyes. “Ok, let’s go inside,” he sighed.

They washed the dishes together in silence and then she reluctantly led him upstairs, sad that their day would – after all – end in what felt like an argument. 

The upper bedchamber was not much different from his attic room, with just the most essential furnishings, the double bed taking up most of the space. It was also equally stifled after the hot day. The bathroom, however, was large and cool and fully equipped.. Agnieszka once again started making everything ready with alacrity. She turned on the boiler, opened up the window to let some fresh air in, reached into the closet and handed him several clean towels, showed him where to find spare toothbrushes…and all that time he watched her with visible concern in his eyes which she masterfully ignored.  

She was finally done. Standing in the middle of the room with her hands on her sides, she exhaled audibly. “Unfortunately, there’s just one bedroom here, but I can sleep downstairs.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Olalla, the bed is big enough for both of us. If you don’t wanna share it, I understand…but in that case I should be the one sleeping on the couch.”

“I don’t mind sharing the bed with you, I just thought…”

“Good, it’s settled then. Now let’s go take a shower,” he interrupted her matter-of-factly and pulled off his shirt. Her breath hitched as he started unbuttoning his shorts. 

“What? Together?”

“We’re gonna sleep in one bed, we have no spare clothes, what difference does it make?” He tried to act nonchalantly, but there was some underlying tension building up under the surface, as if he was testing her, but losing his temper already.

“It makes a difference to me Joshua. I do…”

His face contorted in frustration and he threw his arms up in the air. “And what makes you think that I don’t? What exactly do you want? If you brought me here just as a friend, fine. I can cope with that. You obviously made some assumptions about me along the way, and you weren’t completely wrong. But the kiss…I meant it. And I think you did too, that it’s what you want, but your walls are too high. You’ve been dodging me ever since that happened, even before that, actually… Yet, here we are. I’ve been acting like an idiot too, you haven’t met me at my best, but I do like you, ok? So please, stop overthinking this and fucking tell me. Why does it make a difference to you?”

All the time, she just stood there, watching him flailing his arms around, shocked. If only it were so easy – not overthinking it. Was she really pushing him away today? She wasn’t aware of that. She wanted to touch him again. Badly. The yearning was strong, and past the point of it being purely physical. It kept frightening her.

He was wrong, though. This wasn’t really what she wanted. When she saw him for the first time, he was just another guy that she could potentially have some fun with…if he wanted. Just another handsome body to fill the void for a while. But that changed very quickly. And what the hell did he want, anyway? 

“I’m scared.” She was crying now, overwhelmed by his confession as well as her over emotions. 

“Of what, baby?”

I’m scared of the fact that for the first time in years, I care. And I’m scared of having to admit that, if you asked. And no matter what happens now, you’re going to leave me. I don’t know what this is yet…definitely not a date…we have no future. But I already know that I’m going to miss you.

She couldn’t say any of it aloud though. 

He cupped her cheeks in his hands and looked into her eyes, searching for cues. “Do you want me to go sleep on the couch, baby? It’s ok, you know.”

“No,” she whispered. No, she couldn’t possibly let him do that. It was something in his touch. Every time he made a slightest contact with her skin, her brain short-circuited, making her mind do mental backflips. Because, screw that…If she’s going to miss him, she wants to miss everything about him. “Can you kiss me again, please?” 

He barely touched her at first. Just a fleeting brush of his lips against hers. It would be almost innocent if it weren’t for the shaky exhale, almost a moan. It was controlled, and he did it on purpose. He was teasing her before he looked at her again and whispered: “Is this what you want, hm? Just a kiss?” 

“You can take whatever you want.”

“I’m not going to be taking anything today, baby,” he responded, caressing her cheek in a loving way. She leaned into his touch and ran her fingertips up his bare chest, tracing his collarbones and then his jaw as she tried to commit every detail of his face in her memory. “We’re gonna take it slow, what do you think? he whispered. 

“Yes…,” she whispered back. 

He reached for the hem of her tank top, motioning her to lift her arms up, which she was reluctant to do. 

“I stink like a pig,” she sniffed, but a soft smile was already forming on her lips. 

“You smell divine, my dear.” He kissed her again, this time with more passion. They stood there for a while, reveling in their newly found intimity, licking and moaning into each other’s mouths. He cupped her bare breast in his hand, running his fingers along her nipple before he bowed down to do the same thing with his tongue. She tilted her head back. “Joshua…”

“Yeah,” he muttered with her nipple still in his mouth. 

“I’d really like to shower first…” He smiled against her skin and straightened up. He took her hand, grabbed the towels with the other and led her into the bathroom. 

He did as he promised, and took it slow. They took off the rest of their clothes and stepped in the shower together. She unbraided his hair, helped him disentable the dreadlock beads from his hair, before she started rubbing shampoo into his curls. “Coconut ice-cream again?” he chuckled softly. She smiled back. “I told you I take care of the supplies. That includes my supplies. I get a wholesale discount for this.” 

“You’re a hell of a housekeeper,” he laughed. 

When they got back to the bedroom, she just turned off the lights and climbed in bed. He followed suit. They cuddled at first and explored their bodies in the darkness. Listening to his heavy breath was intoxicating. The silky softness of her skin, in contrast with her calloused palms, moved him in a way he never expected. But as soon as their kisses deepened and his cock hardened, they couldn’t wait any longer. She cupped his balls and kneaded them gently, making him whimper. 

“I need to feel you,” he whispered.

“Come inside then.” 

“What a nice way to put it,” he chuckled against her shoulder. “How do you want me?”

“Spoon me.”

“Alright.” 

She turned on her side and he positioned himself, pushing in slowly. He tried to do everything slowly, but it became almost unbearable after a while, and when she whispered “more,” he quickened his pace. He wanted to do just what she asked for, and just listening to her reactions was making him lose his mind. So, when she whimpered “tough me more,” he was delighted to oblige. He grabbed her leg and lifted it up, resting her shin against his knee. His hand sneaked down her thigh until he found that precious little button. It didn’t take long and he soon felt her contracting around him. He diligently took her there, pushed her over the edge with one last flick of his finger and held her tight while she reached the dizzy heights and then came back to him.

It took her a while to realize that he had stopped completely. “Joshua…go on…” Her voice was like a jingle bell, feeble and high and a little breathy. 

“Shhh, just let me savor the moment, it’s ok” he murmured into her hair. She exhaled heavily and relaxed as the fatigue threatened to overcome both her mind and body at last. With their limbs still intertwined and their bodies still connected, she felt his chest rise and fall against her back. It was getting cold in the room. He moved just a little to grab a blanket, threw it over both of them and buried his face in her hair again. Almost involuntarily, he moved his hips just a little a few times and whimpered weakly, still chasing the feeling before he finally stopped. “Get some rest, sweet Olalla,” he whispered and his fingertips stroked the baby hair that covered her temple. She fell asleep before he got limp, feeling both peaceful and full.

The sun emerged from behind the clouds and its morning rays hit Josh straight in the face, waking him. He was a bit disoriented at first. He also had a painful erection.

The planks on the ceiling looked just like those in his attic room, but the light coming from the outside, as well as the smell of new wood and furniture were different…then he remembered. 

Her side of the bed was empty and cold and no sounds were coming from below. That made him start…only to notice a piece of paper with a quickly scribbled message placed carefully on her pillow. 

I had to go back to Eulalia, but I will be back VERY soon with some clean clothes and breakfast. Feel free to make yourself some coffee.

He checked his phone on the nightstand to see what time it was, only to find it dead. Perfect, so she was keeping him hostage now. 

That made him huff. He had no idea what time it was, but he had faith in her, so…first things first. He had to take care of himself. He wrapped his fingers around his hard-on and started stroking himself. It was slow at first, but he soon became impatient. All the pent-up energy, all the emotional whiplash he experienced recently, all the hurt and newly found pleasures…he needed to release the tension that had only intensified the night before. 

For the first time in months, he didn’t picture Christopher’s mouth enveloping the tip of his hard dick while he was pumping himself. The events of the previous night occupied his mind instead. He enjoyed sex with women, but it had been a couple years now…and to be honest, it had never infiltrated his deepest fantasies…until now. He just couldn’t help it now. He could feel it again – her tight walls, smooth like velvet, warm and tight…but not too tight. Different.

The way she moaned with each thrust; it was so melodic. So sincere. All the hurt she had tried to hide, it seeped out of the pores of her silken skin and evaporated in the air above them. He made her feel better. She made him feel better. 

He closed his eyes and he could see her face clearly again, as if it was tattooed on the inner surface of his eyelids. He thought about their first kiss as he twisted his wrist, stroking the head of his cock in a circular motion. The electricity when the tip of her tongue met with his was real. It made him moan loudly and his heart started to beat faster. He was getting close already. 

He ran his second hand past his abdomen to cup his balls, kneading them gently just like she had done yesterday. He longed for her to do it again, but right now he had to get this over with so they wouldn't burst. A few more strokes – together with a memory of her dark ponytail flailing in the wind – before spurts of his cum landed on his belly and chest. 

The hurt he had felt – it somehow ceased to matter the very moment she decided to try to make it go away without even asking what he had done to feel that way. Her whole being left an imprint on him. Her teary eyes, her ringing laugh, the softness of her skin and her calloused hands. His vision of her was not purely sexual, but it made him emotional. She was a born caretaker, who – for some reason – chose to live without love. He couldn’t forget the way she was looking at him the night he gave her the pendant. Like deer in headlights. She begged to be seen, yet she was trying to make herself invisible. He became convinced that he had to fix it. 

Again. He hadn’t learned a single thing…

He lay there for a while with his eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of warm sun rays on his skin, but the relief he had sought was short-lived and he started to feel on edge once again. Groaning in annoyance as his release on his stomach started to get crusty, he finally scrambled out of bed and trudged over to the bathroom.

The quick shower he took to clean himself did not make him feel more relaxed, on the contrary. It once again reminded him of last night. He lathered up a drop of the coconut shower gel between his hands to wash his torso with it and the smell only made him dizzy. He needed her. 

He wandered naked around the chalet, searching through empty drawers for a compatible charger, knowing too well it was futile. He made himself a coffee and then just let it get cold on the table. He opened a bottle of beer, took two sips and then just held the cold bottle on his forehead while he sat sprawled on the couch. He started gnawing on his lower lip out of impatience when he finally heard a key in the lock and his eyes snapped open. 

She was beautiful, with her long dark locks just hanging down this time. She was wearing a white madeira sundress and flip flops. He had never seen her like this. 

“I’m SO sorry, it took a little longer than I expected, I hope you didn’t…oh!”

At first she thought he was angry, the way he leaped from the couch and darted towards her, with that look on his face. She instinctively backed away, but he just took the bags she was holding, put them on the table and literally pounced on her, grabbing her sides and making her stumble backwards and collide with the wooden door. 

“Joshua! Wait a second,” she bursted out, grabbing his shoulders in an attempt to regain her balance. He disregarded her feeble resistance, grabbed her wrists and pinned them against the door at both sides of her head.

“For what exactly? I’ve waited for hours. Now I don’t need to anymore. I think I”m going to take what I want after all,” he grunted against the soft skin right below her earlobe and pushed his leg between her things. “And don’t tell me you dressed like this to make me wanna hold your hand again, so don’t play coy,” he added, while licking a long stripe from her collarbone back up to her earlobe, earning a high pitched moan when he bit it. Her heart started beating wildly, sending tingling waves of arousal throughout her whole body. He was already rock hard, rutting against her pelvic bone. 

“Aren’t you hungry?” she whimpered, nodding towards the table. She was referring to the food she brought, but they both knew she was teasing him with double meaning. She arched a little, pressing her still clothed pussy down on him a bit more. It was exhilarating to feel his hands tightening around her forearms, digging his fingernails in her flesh. He looked at her, nostrils flaring, and she reciprocated with intense glare. 

“I’m starving. Feed me.” He let go of her arms, grabbed her jaw instead to force her mouth open and licked into it, claiming it. Her own hands immediately travelled up his back, kneading his tight flesh in a sudden frenzy, pulling him even closer to her chest.   

Still locked in a searing kiss, he turned her around and they slowly made their way towards the couch. When her calves collided with it, he just pushed her down and kneeled in front of her, pushing the hem of her dress up to her waist with one swift motion. She had no panties on, which made grin like a madman, shaking his head with a mischievous “tsk”. 

With just his fingertips, he pushed her thighs further apart and licked his lips absentmindedly, seeing her in all her glory for the very first time. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, while the same fingertips travelled further up her inner thighs until his thumb brushed gently against her clit, sending a jolt of electricity up her spine. 

She moaned melodically and he hummed in unison with her. “You said you liked my singing?” 

The question brought her back to earth and she looked down at him in confusion. “You want to sing to me now?” 

He locked his eyes with her and they gleamed with mischief as he brushed his cheek against her inner thigh and planted a soft kiss on her labia. “Uh huh.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Just this…” he whispered, pressed the tip of his tongue on her exposed bud and really, really started singing…

He had to push her abdomen down with his hand to keep her steady as her whole body twitched in shock, her hands frantically grabbing at the pillows around her. He had her moaning loudly in no time. She had never held any man’s head between her legs, but she entangled her fingers in his curls almost involuntarily, in fear that he would stop. He hummed in approval and quickened the vibrations of his tongue even more and she cried out, eyes open wide. He slowed down a bit when her legs started shaking, enveloped her clit with his lips and started sucking on it gently. That was a terrible mistake, because instead of prolonging the experience, it pushed her over the edge immediately. 

She watched him in a haze as he emerged from between her legs and hovered above her, his facial hair completely wet. She immediately reached out to wipe it off with her palm, but he grabbed her wrist and smiled devilishly. “Leave it!” It sent her mind reeling. 

“What is it, baby? You look completely ruined,” he crooned maliciously. 

“Oh god, Joshua, just shut up and fuck me!” she exclaimed impatiently, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him closer. 

“Oooh, I will!” he bit his lip and shook his head maliciously. Before she could react, he buried his dick in her to the hilt. They both groaned loudly, exchanging a quick look. He swallowed audibly and rested his forehead between her breasts. “Your body’s made of silk, baby,” he murmured against her skin. “It’s driving me nuts.”

She clenched around him deliberately, making him groan again. “Don’t get too sentimental now. I’m not ruined enough yet!” 

“Dear lady, you’re a beast,” he whimpered through his teeth and straightened up. “As you wish.” He grabbed her hips and started thrusting into her with an unexpected force.  

She watched him, mesmerized. She literally saw him in a completely new light now. His parted lips, his furrowed brow. Just seeing him like that was an intensively sensual experience, and it turned her on even more. She could soon feel another orgasm building deep inside her low abdomen. It was becoming almost overwhelming and she grabbed his upper arms to steady herself, digging her fingernail into his skin. That did it for him and his movements became erratic. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to regain control over his bbody, but she clenched around him again and hissed: “Go on. Fill me up!” 

With a few last spasmic thrusts and a long, high-pitched moan, he did, taking her with him one more time. They collapsed together on the couch, breathing heavily. 

“Joshua?” 

“Yeah?

“I like you too.”

He didn’t say anything, just pulled her even closer to him and kissed her forehead lovingly.

“What do you think is going to happen now?”

“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully, stroking her hair “but literally anything’s possible. Let’s not worry about it now.”

“I assume you can’t stay longer, can you?”

“No, I’m afraid I can’t. But we still have a week. Let’s make it the time of our lives.”

And they started immediately. The weather was capricious that day. The morning sun soon hid behind the clouds and heavy shower rains kept drumming on the roof. It was a perfect day for ceaseless fucking. It was as if nature played along. Once they got the taste of each other, they just couldn’t stop. 

They fucked three more times that afternoon. At first he bent her over the dining table right after lunch. It was animalistic and quick and she feared she’d leave scratch marks on the wooden table as she cried out with each violent thrust against her cervix. His hands on her hips were gentle though, kneading her flesh like velvet cushions, the pressure of his fingers  on her skin more aggressive only when he came. 

The second time was slow and gentle, as they lay in bed under the roof. Rain kept falling as he showered her with kisses. 

They lay there for another half an hour before they concluded it was finally time to take another shower. That’s where he pressed her against the tiles and filled her with his seed one more time. 

The day wasn’t over yet, but it was time to go back, so they cleaned up the chalet, got dressed, packed their things and soon were on their way back, arriving at Eulalia before supper. 

Maya greeted them at the reception with a smile, but something was off. She was all smiles and giggles when she and Agnueszka talked briefly earlier that day. She looked almost apprehensive now. 

“I need to talk to you,” she hissed at Agnieszka in Polish after Josh excused himself and ran up the stairs to his room. 

“Can it wait?”

“No, I’m afraid it can’t. 

“Well, it will have to. We’re going out soon in half an hour. You promised me. I’ll be back in the kitchen tomorrow morning.”

“Olalla!”

“See you in the moooorning,” Agnieszka trilled over her shoulder, already on her way up. 

Back in her room, she checked her phone briefly, only to notice she had a whatsapp message from Bartek. It was a link to some article one of his buddies allegedly found somewhere. She opened it and gasped in shock. 

Josh knocked on her door ten minutes later. He definitely did not expect her to open it with teary eyes.

“What happened,” he frowned. 

She showed him the screen and he went pale immediately. “OK, let me explain.”

“Yeah, you do that…and while you’re at it, feel free to introduce yourself, because clearly, I don’t know you…”

Give me all your true hate and I'll translate it in your bed Into never seen passion That is why I am so mad about you

Previous Chapter Olalla masterlist

@its-interesting-van-kleep @edgingthedarkness @writingcold @thewritingbeforesunrise @lvnterninthenight @fleet-of-fiction @takenbythemadness @myownparadise96 @gvfstuddedmajesty @josh-iamyour-mama @jazzyfigz @tripthelightfantastix @sanguinebats @love-isnt-greed @klarxtr @kiszkas-canvas

[runekirikjartan]

​🇫​​🇮​​🇨​ ​🇸​​🇪​​🇱​​🇫​-​🇷​​🇪​​🇨​​🇸​

Fic authors self-rec! List your favourite five fics that you've written, then tag at least five other writers! Spread the self-love. 💙

I was tagged by @marloviandevil and have spent the last like 45 minutes agonizing over which fics I feel are worth posting, thank you though bc now I've evaluated and have found some gems I forgot about writing

--

talking to the moon Ship: CT-782 - Hevy/Reader Rating: M Summary: Finding the frequency was an accident. Falling in love with Hevy, that, that was just fate. Why this one: This was the fic I wrote in 24 hours after rewatching the Rishi episode and it was honestly self-indulgent, but it's got both a bittersweet ending and an alternate ending so it's the best of both worlds Status: Finished

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Signs of the Skrill Ship: Dagur the Deranged/Bragi the Berserk (Original Character), Viggo Grimborn/Original Character(s) Rating: M Summary: As the youngest chief in the Barbaric Archipelago, Dagur the Deranged quickly learned three things; first, you can always forgive but never forget. second, your family is your life, and third, you can't rule alone. Bragi the Berserk has known three things to be true: first, family was what you made it, second, it was entirely possible to be lonely in a room full of people, third, if you give someone your heart, you better hope they would keep it. Two young men attempt to navigate duty, grudges, honour and glory, while trying to keep each other afloat. Why this one: I always wondered what would happen if the How To Train Your Dragon franchise (specifically Race To The Edge) would fare if it met more Game of Thrones style writing. Now I'm definitely not the next GRRM but It has been an interesting explanation into the side characters who had plenty of potential. Currently being re-written from its original finished state. My pride and joy fanfic, have been working on this since 2014 when I first started watching HTTYD and the fic has quite literally grown with me. Status: Unfinished.

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when the rain comes down Ship: Halfdan the Black/Original Male Character(s) Rating: M Summary: King Harald arrives in Kattegat, Bragi moves to follow his fate, as it comes in the form of brown, wild eyes and blond hair. Why this one: What's a bit of fruitiness within a period-piece drama about vikings? Very dramatic, many liberties taken with plot, a fix-it in the works. Currently being re-written from its original finished state. Status: Unfinished.

--

4. don't wanna cry but i break that way

Ship: Nil Gen Relationship: Hound & Original Clone Trooper(s) Rating: M Summary: Chasers died, either by falling off the multi-levels of Coruscant, or by getting shot, or they went missing in the middle of the night on patrol, or Hound lost them during chases on Coruscant's duracrete sidewalks.

He couldn't get attached. Why this one: Admittedly this is probably one of the best Coruscant Guard centric fics I've written (and there's a lot of them). Hound is a character we see very little of (about 1 minute of screentime) but a man and his dog always make me happy... so I may have given him a little bit of sadness too. Part of the Fox & His Shinies series which is my current pride and joy of Clone Wars fics. Status: Finished.

--

5. the poor run with smoke lungs

Ship: Nil Gen Relationship: CC-1010 | Fox & CT-7567 | Rex, CC-1010 | Fox & Original Clone Troopers (s), Dogma & CC-1010 | Fox Rating: M Summary: A vignette style fic about how the 501st and Coruscant Guard coped with being forced to share a space at General Skywalker's command while the Jedi General tracked down Rako Hardeen for the killing of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Why this one: A part of the Clone Wars that is rarely delved into because it's immediately preceded by Umbara, Kadavo and followed by the Wrong Jedi Arc and the Chip Arc. I didn't think many people realized that the 501st were essentially employed to the senate the whole time that Anakin was hunting down Rako Hardeen. Part of the Fox & His Shinies series which is my current pride and joy of Clone Wars fics. Status: Unfinished.

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I have honorary mention for: two worlds - COD x Avatar Crossover gen fic. Summary: When Phillip Graves gets the opportunity to venture out onto the remote moon, Pandora, a million miles away, at his little brother's recommendation, he takes it with open arms.

--- Tagging - only if you want to! @mamuzzy-creates-stuff/@mamuzzy, @whiskygoldwings, @ithillia, @blackat-t7t, @kworking

[writingadvicethatsavedmylife]

Why this blog? Writing, that's why.

The subtitle of this blog is a bit misleading, in that I never “became” a writer - I just always was one.

I firmly believe that if you write, think about writing, feel called to write, or even if you haven’t written in a long time…? You’re ‘a writer.’ You just are.

And if you don’t yet feel that you can claim that title for yourself, just try it. The next time someone asks you, “What do you do?” you can feel free to ignore the implied, “for a living” and answer with your whole heart, “I’m a writer!”

Don’t worry too much if they follow up with, “What have you written? Have you published anything? Where can I read your writing?” Those questions come from a place of ignorance. Well-meaning, kind, and very curious, but not fully informed.

Writers write. That’s all - you aren’t required to share your writing, publish your writing, or sell your writing to be a ‘real’ writer. You just write.

And what happens when you can’t even do that much? Well… that’s what the rest of this blog is about.

I hope you find something here that will help you, inspire you, amuse you, or even just let you know you’re not alone. Writing is such a solitary vocation that we often feel isolated, and we forget that we’re not required to DIY the entire journey - there are millions of writers out there who feel just as lost and as isolated as you (and I) sometimes feel.

We’re in this alone, together. (That made more sense in my head, but it’s written now and I can’t take it back, so just chew on it until it makes some kind of weird sense to you.)

And while the first five words of the blog's subtitle are misleading, the main title of this blog is not hyperbole: writing literally saved my life at a time when I desperately needed it. The art and craft of writing, the sacred act of creating, and the joy of reading have often appeared in my life at various points, exactly when I needed them the most.

When I heeded the most recent call and began writing again in 2021, the writing practice I built (and rebuilt, and re-rebuilt several times) began to reward me with things that I could never have imagined: it brought me friends from all over the world, it nourished me when I was too weak to accomplish other self-care tasks, it grew and changed me from the inside out, and it remained a steady, solid presence when everything else in my life seemed to be falling apart.

Writing is magic, I’m sure of it. And if you’re reading these words, chances are you think so, too. If you’re a writer you’ll understand me when I say, “My characters woke me up at five this morning, just chattering away, talking to me.”

If you’re a writer, you won’t think I’m crazy when I tell you that I had an outline, but when I began writing a scene one of the characters did something totally unexpected.

If you’re a writer, you won’t call it exaggerating when I say that having a four-month-long bout of writer’s block felt like I had lost the use of an appendage or an organ. A part of me was missing and I was fearful that it would never return. I thought I would never write again! It was hell. (Spoiler alert: writing blocks always resolve! Trust me on this.)

And if you’re a writer, you’ll be very happy to learn that you’re surrounded by other writers, a huge community of people just like you, who want to support you and see you accomplish your own specific writing dreams… you just maybe haven’t met them yet. Other writers, your people, they’re out there. And they’re here, too, asking the very same questions that you’ve probably asked yourself or the Universe many times over.

There’s enough room in the world for everyone’s writing, and that includes yours! Make more of it, feed your artist’s heart, and write like your life depends on it… mine did.

[anghraine]

Meanwhile: I have so much I have to do, and so much I want to do, and suddenly my brain was possessed by an incredibly niche AU fanfic plotbunny.

It's not only for the Guild Wars video games (hardly the most popular series out there!), and not only GW1 fic in particular (the first game was on a far smaller scale than GW2 and had a much smaller userbase with maybe five fics on AO3). The fic concept specifically appeals to me as a way to unfridge Althea Barradin, an NPC I latched onto in 2005 out of all proportion to her screentime and frankly how well her lines were written. But it's not only that she's an underwritten GW1 character, or even just that she's one who only appears in Guild Wars: Prophecies—the very first GW game. She's actually only alive in the tutorial zone and is a mentor to PCs of one specific class that happens to be my personal favorite, mesmers (they're elegant spellcasters specializing in chaos magic, illusion magic, and other sneaky, unpredictable stuff).

There's a cataclysmic war crime committed against your people at the end of the tutorial, and a time jump to two years later, when you discover that Althea disappeared in all the upheaval and has not been seen since. You get a quest to discover what happened to her, only to find out that the answer is "dragged off and burned alive by the war criminal invaders." The worst resolution for my teenage pixel crush :( Anyway, you briefly interact with her ghost and gather her ashes to take to her father so both of them can find some kind of peace.

BUT

I sometimes think about how Althea's father (Duke Barradin) was originally next in line in the royal succession. He has already stepped aside for a popular war hero to become king instead when GW1 starts, and there's even a quest in the tutorial to make sure he and his people are faithful to the war hero king, Adelbern. At that point, Adelbern seems to be a good stabilizing authority figure after a lot of internal conflict, but he can be a bit short-sighted and self-aggrandizing in ways that become disastrous when his subjects are massacred in a massive magical attack that devastates the land and people (even GW2 acknowledges that this was so destructive that the aqueducts ran red with the blood of his people).

Adelbern is very obviously not equipped to handle the absolutely dire situation he ends up facing. He's already snapping under this incredible strain in GW1 and disowns his adult son (and it seems only child) for rightly questioning him, only to break even further when said son dies tragically. From what can be pieced together, he only went further downhill after that, becoming more unreasonable, absolutist, and desperate until he completely lost his mind.

Meanwhile, Duke Barradin—Althea's father and the guy who got skipped over for Adelbern in the first place—seems a far steadier and less egocentric figure. He gracefully accepted Adelbern as king before the game, and serves him with loyalty and discipline for the rest of his life, rather than taking Adelbern's ascension as a personal affront or holding a grudge or turning on him in the face of his own tragedies or anything. So I occasionally wonder what would have happened if Ascalon had kept to the traditional succession and Duke Barradin had become the next king, rather than Adelbern.

The cataclysm and invasion still would happen, but I think Duke Barradin would have been more resilient and less obsessed with his personal power and authority. He seems deeply fond of his daughter and I suspect wouldn't have disowned her over a tactical disagreement. Basically, from everything we saw of this guy, I think he'd have handled this situation a lot better than Adelbern—but this is such a niche scenario that requires so much information that I didn't feel like writing it.

But yesterday I was re-reading an idle post I'd made a couple of years ago that mentioned the concept in passing and suddenly realized that in that scenario, Althea would have been the heir rather than her canonical fiancé, Prince Rurik. Instead of tragic war victim Althea whose awful, awful death in an atrocity of war matters mostly because of how terrible her father and fiancé feel about it, she would be Princess Althea, the heir to a now desperate and struggling kingdom. We'd get Althea prioritizing saving her people above everything else, while Rurik gets the horrible death that illustrates the stakes of the war.

In a way, that would even make a bit more sense, logistically. In the game, Althea is a fancy illusionist strongly associated with her theatre just outside of Ascalon City, at this point the seat of Ascalonian power. Even after all this devastation, it took decades for the Charr armies to get far enough into Ascalon to seriously besiege it (before the remaining population was reduced to undying vengeful ghosts, too). It's not beyond belief that a warband could have reached the theatre, and it's also possible that Althea might have been in a more dangerous location at the time of the Searing, since lots of people were dragged off, including children. Just a bit odd in terms of where you would expect a fancy civilian noblewoman specifically to be, even a powerful and highly skilled spellcaster like Althea.

Rurik, on the other hand, is an intimidating warrior, and he's heavily involved with Ascalon's military, especially the Ascalon Vanguard that he himself leads. There's every reason for him to be fairly near the battle lines even without expecting the Searing. The fact that he's one of the main leaders of the Ascalonian military defense would hardly save him from being sacrificed in this terrible way.

(And this might still be a better end than the one he actually gets in canon, in which he's resurrected as an undead servant and forced to serve an evil lich until you kill him for good, freeing him. Getting reduced to ash by the Charr would at least spare him that.)

Despite a certain degree of pathos, though, Rurik was always a bit annoying IMO. He is a very archetypal honorable warrior dude, not as hidebound as Adelbern nor as blind to the reality of the threat they're facing, but his personal approach still tends towards an attitude of "if hitting my problems with my sword doesn't solve them, I didn't hit them hard enough." The PCs really have to handle anything that needs more diplomacy or subtlety.

Althea, though, is a very different kind of person—subtle, tricky, versatile—so I don't think a Princess Althea would necessarily be nailed to the same path as Prince Rurik is in canon. Mesmers in GW2 canonically use their powers of illusion to make themselves appear they're in a particular place when in reality they're skulking invisibly somewhere else, which could easily keep her from being an identifiable target where Rurik was striding around a snowscape with a giant flaming sword when he was killed. I don't think the premise requires Princess Althea dying the same way at all.

I can imagine, for instance, that the AU king might send a reliable, competent, and trusted figure like Althea to ensure the refugees get across the mountains, especially if he wants Althea "safely" out of the country. But as an illusionist, Althea could definitely take precautions that were not available to Rurik, and would be expected to do so.

So there's this whole "okay, if Althea isn't killed like in canon or even like Rurik is in canon, and I manage to completely unfridge her, how does her survival and the AU in general affect the GW1 plot? What is changed about the later canon revelations of what's going on in this era from Eye of the North and GW2?"

I don't have time for this and it's so incredibly specific that it's difficult to even explain to anyone else, but it's also possessing my brain ;_;

[falling-violet-petals]

I finished reading The other wind (the 6th and last book of the Earthsea cycle) just yesterday and I'm still trying to collect my thoughts on it. It's just genuinely life-changing. It's so incredibly human, no other piece of art before had made me feel so at peace with myself before. From the first to the last book Earthsea is just an oath to life and death, to selfhood.

"I think," Tehanu said in her soft, strange voice, "that when I die, I can breathe back the breath that made me live. I can give back to the world all that I didn't do. All that I might have been and couldn't be. All the choices I didn't make. All the things I lost and spent and wasted. I can give them back to the world. To the lives that haven't been lived yet. That will be my gift back to the world that gave me the life I did live, the love I loved, the breath I breathed."

This quote towards the end of the novel just made me bawl my eyes out but in the best of ways, not of sadness, and I couldn't stop crying for the rest of the book, and for the next hour after I finished it.

And the end, oh my god, the end. I won't spoil it but without Le Guin even knowing it every important moment of all the previous books just leads to it, Ged's shadow, Tenar's name, Arren's acceptance of the possibility of death and Ged's glass of water spent on the dry land, Tenar's love for a burned child and Tehanu's link to Kalessin. It is so fitting and Le Guin treats its themes with such dignity and respect. This series has done what no other thing could before, it has made me respect death but not with fear. Maybe I should learn more about taoism, maybe it was just how UKLG wrote it exactly the way I needed to read it, but that idea of balance and returning to the earth after we die has changed something in me.

And on a bit of a different topic (although really it is just the same thing) it has also changed my view on fantasy as a whole, which is surprising as someone who's been reading fantasy since I was 10. Although I feel like the seeds of change where there beforehand and these books watered them and made them turn into plants. I've always found something unsettling in the use of violence and war and the concepts of good and evil in most fantasy stories, I've always hated fantasy games whose sole purpose was mindlessly killing enemies, I've always had trouble believing the end of Harry Potter, where all evil is finished when the evil person (who was evil from birth because of magic) was killed. UKLG has shown me the alternative to all these stories. Evil in Earthsea is internal, not an external being that personalizes it, and it is a possibility in all humans. Ged and Cob could have both been evil, but Ged isn't because he has chosen not to. Ged does wrong, and he fixes it not by wining a violent battle against evil but by choosing to accept his own shadow and his own eventual death. Tenar chooses to be Tenar and not Arha. The dragons of Earthsea have no ability to choose good or evil, and that is what makes them free, and what makes them animals, but humans do have choice. They must find themselves and make peace with their life and with their death. The main characters are constantly re-considering their own selves and choosing themselves along with the change that is happening in their world, and the end to it all is not a return to the status quo but an undoing of what has been made wrong, an end to immortality, a reconciliation with the human fact that we have no choice over death. No win of a battle can restore the balance, no evil is inherent and no killing can stop evil.

Percy Jackson has been my favorite series for a long time now. It is not perfect in the slightest and a big part of my liking for it is the nostalgia that I have for having read them when I was 12 years old. But there has always been something in it that I have admired over many other books. The gods do wrong that they fail to acknowledge, and that is their downfall. Luke is a complex villain, and like Tenar he is under control of a greater evil, not fully to blame but also being under the consequences of his own choices to remain there. And when Percy saves the day he doesn't question the reign of the gods the way I would have liked it, but he rejects immortality and godhood, because he knows himself beyond the power of the gods and chooses to live, and instead he forces them to accept to fix what they have done wrong. Even with its faults and holes that meant something to me as a kid, and it has stayed my favorite since then because of it, but it didn't fully fill the longing in me for a story that would really tell what I wanted to be told. I think Earthsea, written way before I was even born, is that story for me, I think UKLG knew what I needed to know long before I did.

I guess this is my way of saying that Earthsea is my favorite now, and I think it will be for a long time.

[i-love-you-all]

54321 HC Game for Omen

Getting this one done before the other asks :)) If you would like me to do this HC game with another character, feel free to lmk! (Also cheers to all the extra omen art during this month - it's been fun to see :)) )

5 things they usually see:

Darkness. I'm not just being edgy here, but I genuinely think he doesn't sleep, but instead has some trance/meditative state where he refreshes or clears his mind as much as he can. Maybe he spends this time staring into the void, hoping to see a glimpse of who he used to be. Maybe he looks into the darkness and hopes it stays that way. Who knows?

Habits. As in habits of others that they think they hide well, but not well enough. Cypher's a people person. He and Sova are likely good at reading body language, but I think Omen is better at seeing signs of discomfort. Flinching, tensing, shielding themselves with crossed arms or whatnot. These are signs he notices because he sees how people react to him the first time they meet, and it fascinates him that these motions are so intrinsic in humans (or ex-humans) because he does these things too.

His knitting basket. Full to the brim with his latest project, yarn, and needles. I've mentioned before but I think it's a little poetic that he is someone who keeps referencing being torn apart, and yet he is knitting together this yarn to make something whole. That, and knitting can be relaxing, a distraction from the pain he says he's in all the time.

Viper. He sometimes finds himself hanging around her for a purpose he doesn't really understand. She's not someone he gets along with other than the fact that she doesn't start conversations with him. Though, deep down, he knows. She knows something about him, and she won't say what. There are names she calls him: Fred and John. It makes him wonder how much more she knows.

Bandages. Especially after a mission, he takes his time re-wrapping himself in an isolated space. He already unsettles people with his mere presence, so he doesn't want them to see him as he's losing his form.

4 things they usually feel:

Pain. He constantly refers to being torn apart, and there are even whisps floating past his bandages . Sage and Viper can do all they can to help him, but what happened to his corporeal body is a mystery locked behind the hefty security system of Kingdom. And unfortunately, it is not a priority for the protocol when an entire other universe was trying to rob them of their resources.

Desperation and fear. It is strange to think of himself as a whole being now when he knows that the memories, emotions, knowledge, and principles of at least one person have been wiped out. What has he lost, and will he lost himself again? Sova helps humanize him, but the hunter doesn't know what it's like to think that you're renting someone else's body - or what remains of that body.

Warmth of a fireplace. Especially as it gets colder, though he doesn't quite feel cold or warmth like others, there is something peaceful about the crackling of the fire, or the soft glow it washes the room with. It's especially nice when he can knit next to it in absolute silence.

Power or energy. Whatever it's called. The radianite is both the source of his life and his abilities on the field, and the pulsing energy through his arms and hands as he prepares his vision robbing abilities is almost calming in how steady it is. It, at the very least, reminds him that he's alive.

3 things they usually hear:

As a follow up from the previous point, the windy sounds of his powers pulling in the darkness around him as he prepares to teleport away. It's all encompassing and soothing in that sense. Like a whitenoise.

Voices. (you may think I'm being edgy but it's omen's words, not mine :p) It may suggest that more than one person was sacrificed to create who or what he is now. Or, these are the bits of string connecting him to his past, though they were hanging on by the barest of threads.

Footsteps. He likes silence, or a soft whitenoise, so when he hears the thudding of footsteps as Jett and Neon race through the halls, the heavy footsteps of Brimstone, Breach or KAY/O, or the attempt to stay quiet from Fade and Cypher, it's hard to ignore. He can often identify people from their footsteps and it surprises some of them.

2 things they usually smell: (I actually don't think he can smell... but if he could the following would apply)

Coffee, tea, hot chocolate, drinks he sees everyone enjoying. He can hold a cup to keep up the pretense that he's part of them, but he cannot enjoy these drinks beyond what he smells.

Nothing. Not because he can't smell but because, well, he doesn't have a physical body, so hygiene and the products others use are kind of useless on him. He doesn't eat or drink, so unless he wants company, he doesn't hang around the kitchen very often, and he smells enough blood and gunpowder so he knows to stay away from the range. And the rest of the building is too sterile for any scents to linger.

1 thing they usually taste:

Riot confirmed that he can't eat or drink so... Disappointment/defeat. The constant roller coaster of getting his hopes up as they dig a little deeper into Kingdom, only to realize how far away from the truth he is. It's a painful ride, and it will only be so long until the hope vanishes and nihilism beckons him. Apathy would certainly suit him...

[blushblushbear]

OOPS I LEFT AND DIDN'T COME BACK LAST NIGHT

OH WELL MORE EPIC!!

so before we even go into the next song I'm a little excited for this cause this is the part of the story where he journeys to the underworld

he meets A LOT of folks there including his dead friends, some of his dead men (which I guess no longer exist in the story cause they stated earlier that he never lost a man in troy... huh...), a god and his dead mom

this is christmas and I also have a dead mom so like-----

if you can't make meeting you dead mom in the underworld make me cry on TODAY of all days, then I think that is a bit on you

ALRIGHT, UNDERWORLD, LET'S GO!

also I just realized there's only 3 more songs until the end of act one OOPS

I maybe should've just stuck it out and finished act one last night >u>;;

UNDERWORLD

I paused the song a few seconds in to type that last bit cause I noticed there was only 3 songs left and I'mma re-start the song but my first thought literally a few seconds in is how much I kinda hate how this is very

Oh

things happening

but it's in song

like there's no time to contemplate, not room to breathe, no ideas or feelings just

HEY GANG we just talked to Circe!

and I mean I get it a little bit, you have to literally sing what's going on cause the audition has nothing to SEE to let them know what's happening

so like-- example if you stab someone, you have to be like HE STABBED THAT GUY in words in the song having it interrupt things

just stops the flow of things dead in it's tracks to go 'Hey! You totally just stabbed that guy! With that sword in your hands!'

except side note you actually don't

I actually hate that a lot of stuff does this now a days

like------------------------- they're so afraid to leave a SINGLE person behind they spell out EVERYTHING

I notice this everywhere now but I think the place that most people take note of this is like--- anime and stuff. Idk it's def not ALL anime, but I've been watching a lot of shounen stuff with my brother lately and man oh man does anime like to explain things that literally just happened even though like

yeah

I know

you don't need to keep telling me

THE WORST IS WHEN THERE WAS AN OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW ME BUT INSTEAD YOU JUST HAVE YOUR CHARACTERS TELL ME BLATANTLY LIKE 3 TIMES

(I'm still in that eternal re-watch of Inuyasha and that show is ESPECIALLY bad about this)

but yeah okay I'm ranting again, but yeah no

I think people need to give audiences more credit and stop talking down to them

going back to stabbing someone with a sword, if you just have the tension build and then big sing and then VOCAL NOISE LIKE I HAVE BEEN STABBED and the music stops dead and there's some choking and maybe a final wounded line like

you don't have to say anything about a stab or a sword or a fight, we'd just get it

make a really filled out scene and really put some careful thought into what you're doing, and people will get it

also another example from musicals who did this shit right---

I think this is all in one song in Sweeney Todd but like---

SPOILERS FOR SWEENEY TODD STARTS HERE (what happens next? well that'd be the play! and he wouldn't want us to give that away)

but when Mrs. Lovett finds the body of Sweeney Todd's wife and tries to throw her into the furnace and then Sweeney comes in and they talk until he realizes who he just killed and then he tricks Mrs.Lovett to thinking it's fine and then throws her into the fire

LIKE----

at no point do they explain the situation. You can just tell what's going on via musical queues, the dialogue and a little bit of ambient noise (that furnace humming away in the background) {side note: I like the movie just fine but it's very dead pan in comparison to some of the fucking PERFORMANCES the stage as produced-- ALSO while listening to this as I'm typing, another thing this musical and other musicals do that Epic like--- doesn't AT ALL is use pre-established melodies setting up story before hand again to progress the story. Epic p much just has that when does a man become a monster bit and I've not noticed any other BIG RIP--- it's the shit I keep talking about with bad musicals man; a good musical uses the music as a way to tell the story, a bad musical just has their characters singing}

if that shit where in Epic then there'd be a line about 'and how nice that you've left the oven door open' THEY'D JUST FEEL THE NEED TO SPELL IT OUT

okay time for the actual song now LET'S FINISH THIS FIRST ACT!

take two, *AHEM*

THE UNDERWORLD

oh look at this musical making me eat my words a little with the returning 'full speed ahead'

alright, I take it back, there's two :)

ONCE AGAIN WITH THE FUCKING CYCLOPS

AS IF MERCY WAS ALWAYS HIS BIGGEST FLAW

AND THEN HE LITERALLY IS LIKE REMEMBER THAT TIME I KILLED THAT BABY

BRUH

PICK. A. LANE.

also oh hey, more return of melodies!

okay the mom song made me cry and I do think it's a good addition that they make it clear that his mom died while he was gone

THOUGH

I hate how Odysseus and his men are just singing the same thing

like

you're bringing back a lot of melodies and they literally JUST said full steam ahead like

NON-STOP THIS SHIT (warning: it's set to a time stamp in the song)

make it layered, All I hear are screams, full steam ahead, of the ones who died, Captain! with open arms, haunting all my dreams, I am waiting, *ALL* FULL STEAM AHEAD

you brought back melodies but you didn't let them LAYER or play off each other at all or build it so it added to the tension and the chaos

How good would it have been to have the tension and story of the song go like

OKAY into the underworld FULL STEAM AHEAD

lots of screams, starting to loose steams

the guilt is getting to him

ghost of best friend

the all is lost moment

mom fades in

remember how much you want to come home

BACK ON YOUR FEET, PLOW FORWARD, CACOPHONY OF VOICES BUT /FULL STEAM AHEAD!!!/

like I said, this all just needed another pass or two

NO LONGER YOU

haven't even pressed play and I already know I'm gonna fucking hate where this song goes narratively

we're gonna double down on the narrative that makes NO SENSE

he already has SO MUCH BLOOD ON HIS HANDS but like----- no no his flaw is his mercy

this subplot is so fucking dumb gang

*deep inhale* alright,

play

these lyrics are really trying to be poetic to the point of being obtuse (AND I KNOW A LOT ABOUT BEING SO FLOWERY YOU LOOSE THE PLOT OF THE SENTIMENT)

you give more emotion when you heard your wife remarried then when you're being blown away from home

I know they're trying to keep to how obtuse propehts usually are in greek myth but I feel you went too far in that direction

like /I/ know what he's on about cause I know the general plot of all the stuff and this is like a nobody level play on terms and words but ye

even me knowing that shit I dead ass was like 'wait.... WHAT??'

also performances like this are why plays have directors cause if you just let the talent run the show then they'll be BELTING RIGHT OUT THE GATE instead of like----- building to it

your big finale lost it's cache cause you literally were belting at this level in the second line

This is kinda what I meant when I say I'm not really Here for youtube singers

LEARN HOW TO ACT THROUGH SONG PEOPLE

STOP GOING FULL DIVA BELT AT THE DROP OF A HAT JUST CAUSE YOU CAN

BUILD TO IT!!!

That crescendo in When David Heard (you'll know it when you hear it) works so well cause it takes it time building up to it LEARN YA MUSIC THEORY BEFORE TRYING TO WRITE A MUSICAL

(side note when I went to get the link for When David Heard I saw apparently Alejandro reacted to Epic lol. For the record, no, I'm not gonna watching it. Unless the person is the same level of obsessive musical theory nerd as me, I get nothing out of an hour long video of them looking at musicals. And frankly, if he was the same level of nerd about this shit as I am, he'd be making videos about that instead XD) {NO THAT NOTE! Here's some channels that DO nerd out about music/music theory and occasionally musicals; Sideways (bro come back to us TTMTT), Astor Rhymemaster, Snugboy, Music Theatre Theory, )

MONSTER

I enjoy the return of the melody from the opening of the show

also 'how to reunite with my estranged' I like that line

This whole time I've been chewing on how I feel about using modern vernacular in this story and in this last song of act 1 I think I've reached the conclusion--

I kinda fucking hate it.

Pissing off the god is how the Hip Teacher verbalizes the plot, not how the characters in the actual story phrase it

over all I don't much care for the song for a few reasons but the vocals in that bit towards the end were nice!

I'm gonna take lunch then I'm gonna keep going

didn't think this would take up my day the way it is but here we are

also when the song end the first song of act 2 started playing and....

just hearing those beepy beats I know I'm in for a fucking ride....

WOOF.

BEAR'S EPIC BLOGGING

so I already feel bad for the anon who asked my opinionated musical theater ass to look into Epic.

Gonna attempt to keep my thoughts succinct and all on the same thread/under read more--

but with that said if you wanna avoid this all together, which is very fair, I'm gonna be tagging this as bear's epic blogging

with that all said DOWN INTO THE CUT WE GO

So right off the bat I will say the musical IMMEDIATELY looses points cause the majority of the songs are 3-4 minutes long

I'm very much of the mind set that all big feelings and plot points SHOULD have a song, but the issue with a lot of modern musicals is that they think all songs need to be 'song' length (so about 3 to 4 minutes long)

they're wrong and I think my favorite example of how to do 'give a feeling a song but don't let it over stay it's welcome' is I guess this is Goodbye from Into The Woods (side note if you saw disney's movie of this musical, I'm so sorry, that was insulting, go watch that PBS recording with Bernadette Peters, she's amazing)-- it's about fairy tale characters, this is Jack of Jack and the Bean stock fame and this is the moment he's saying goodbye to his beloved cow in exchange for magic beans. This is a big moment for Jack and is the driving force for his actions for the first half of his story so it's important, and since it's an important beat in a musical, we sing! -- for about 30 odd seconds and then we continue with the plot cause we have A LOT of story to get through.

And on the note of A Lot of story to get through---

SO-- I'm a broke bitch, so how I experience musicals is I read through the plot summary on wiki, and as songs come up, I listen to the song.

This approach is especially apt here since there is no stage production and low key THANK GOD cause this opening number is actually pretty bad as opening numbers go.

But put a pin in that cause we'll come back to it, NOW--!

I actually gave the wiki a dry read before putting music into anything cause--- well, admittedly it's partly curious but also low key uh--- so I'm not as Hot on The Odyssey as everyone else seems to be? It's a story about a captain who gets mad lost, and losses most of his men, and cheats on his wife, and yeah I GUESS it's an epic tale of his journey home or whatever but like----

I feel like it puts a damper on things when you take some details into account--- like how it's mostly just HIS journey, fuck all the dudes he brought with him I guess. This ain't about them meme. Also 'Her white arms round him pressed as though forever' does loose some cache for me when I know cha boy like---- full on cheated on his wife on the way there. He never gave up coming home! Buuut he did take a break to get laid and loose a lot of his men on the way.

I know it's like-- cunning and he out smarts the odds and blah blah blah but like-- he's still an asshole ya know??

So I was curious how they were gonna spin this, so I read the wiki. I still have not finished the wiki cause HOLY SHIT this thing is long. I know it's supposed to be An Epic but like--- I feel like things could've been stream lined SOME. ESPECIALLY when the songs are 4 minutes a piece BRUH.

I'm going to try and have an open mind here but the odds are already against this thing from word go.

BUT OKAY, the opening number.

I know it's not a stage production but like---------

If you're gonna call something A Musical, on some level you have to treat it like one.

A lot of musicals lately seem to want to REMOVE the theater aspect of musical theater (god forbid we have some incidental music or like------ A THEME or anything)

At the start of this I'm already missing the sort of Establishing Song that's in a lot of my favorite musicals.

Or I guess I should say like--- the establishing melody or stanza or something. Not all of them are full numbers but they help set the stage (sometimes literally, fucking the way the Beetlejuice musical has all it's pieces like light up or roll in and just like the scene fades in MWAH glorious I DROOL)

But yeah, Prologue: Invisible from Beetlejuice, Overture from The Producers (which I only just realized has a bit of Prisoners of Love in the full version WHICH IS THE SECOND TO LAST SONG they really said MEDLEY! with their whole chest lol), Little Shop of Horrors from Seussical the Musi--- JUST KIDDING IT'S FROM LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, No One Mourns the Wicked from Wicked, The Ballad of Sweeney Todd from Sweeney Todd (2012 London cast my beloved), Seasons of Love from RENT, Alexander Hamilton from Hamilton (which say what you want about Miranda but DAMN this musical is so efficient and well crafted ARGUE WITH THE FUCKING WALL) HELL, EVEN HOLD ME, BATBOY FROM BAT BOY THE MUSICAL

Ever single one of these starts with a song or a bit of music that sort of Vibe Checks the audience into the world we're gonna be living in for the next 2 to 3 hours and if they don't also act as a whole on establishing number (aka a Welcome To This World song or Here's The Start of The Plot song) then it's the very next number in the show and usually follows IMMEDIATELY after

(Opening Night from the Producers, Rent from RENT, The Whole Being Dead Thing from Beetlejuice, Aaron Burr, Sir from Hamilton, No Place like London from Sweeney Todd, AND Downtown/Skid Row from The Little Shop of Horrors MY BELOVED, HAZBIN HOTEL FUCKING WISHES SHE COULD BE YOU SO BAD, MY BEAUTIFUL FLAWLESS, DARLING!!! {okay but seriously Happy Day in Hell wanted to be Skid Row so fucking bad but she tripped over the starting line and broke her neck, deadass. Though to be fair Hazbin sweetie, you never stood a chance, Skid Row does SUCH an AMAZING job introducing it's world, establishing it's characters and their wants and feelings, No One can beat it. THAT FUCKING PART WHERE THE BUMS ARE CLIMBING THE DAMN FENCE LIKE FUCKING ZOMBIES you live in my head rent free! You and the lady who starts the song-- DAMN! Sing it child INDEED.})

But yeah, back to Epic.

I'm not going to hold the fact that it doesn't sound like Full Musical Theater deal against it since it's basically a handful of people headed mostly by One Guy (there is no pit, there is no orchestra, it's not a whole ensemble of singers), but I WILL hold the fact that it basically doesn't have an establishing number at all at it's start against it.

No Vibe check, no settling in, just BAM! In medias res! Hey dude, I know you're in a war right now, but you gotta kill this baby dude, trust.

It really did just smack me in the face with it's plot. (full palm)

AND THE FACT THAT THIS IS GREEK MYTH LIKE-------

HELLO??????? GREEK CHORUS??????? WHERE ARE YOU GREEK CHORUS??????? GODS AND OR MUSES???? OUTSIDE OBSERVER TO TELL THE STORY THAT COULD'VE GIVEN US A PROPER ESTABLISHING NUMBER???????? THAT CONCEPT IS /LITERALLY/ FROM GREEK MYTH?!?! ESPECIALLY SINCE THE GODS ARE APPARENTLY ALREADY HUDDLED AROUND WATCHING ANYWAY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

like.......................................

Like I said at the top of things I literally feel so bad for that anon. They probably did not know I am Mad Opinionated About Musical Theater but I am. And they did not know the land mine they stepped on by low key suggesting me to give it a listen.

Unfortunately I am Anton Ego here. I don't LIKE musical theater-- I LOVE IT.

THIS ALL BEING SAID---

I will say I think a saving grace for me during this is that Jorge Rivera-Herrans has a pretty solid singing voice.

It's very modern musical pretty boy which I'm not the hugest fan of by I can def see why people want to draw a face to match it and/or apply it to their blorbos and ocs.

This ride is already starting out bumpy for me, but my butt's probably just sensitive, so take my bitching with a grain of salt.

Also know that just cause I'm complaining doesn't mean I hate it. I complain about Blush Blush all the time in the discord and I basically spend most of my free time doing shit on here so--

Alright, I'm gonna get through a few more songs before I tune back into yap some more

I'd say stay posted, but like--- maybe don't I'm always a complainer when it comes to modern musical theater <XD;

[not-poignant]

probably youve had someone ask you this before, but any advice for when you really want to know what happens next in the thing youre writing but when you sit down to actually write all thoughts flee your head?

Hi hi hi,

Provided that like writer's block / burnout isn't going on (which can both cause this phenomenon and frankly both need quite different approaches to deal with), I have a few things I do to tackle the sort of 'I want to know what happens next but when I sit down all the thoughts go.'

I daydream pretty excessively about what's coming next. I actually think that's a crucial part of my process, and sometimes I'll even kind of verbally act out some of the lines etc. If I like the way something feels or sounds, I'll put little sentences or half-sentences down in the Notes app on my phone. Even if I don't remember everything exactly, it gives me something to go on. :D

If I have lots of different ideas, I'll write the two or three that I like the most in point format. Sometimes all the thoughts vanish because you're putting so much pressure on yourself to find the exact right thing to write, and it's really important to kind of learn how to gently quieten the perfectionist - because that's a Perfectionist voice - and perfectionism is the enemy of creativity. So if you sit down like 'what do I do next I have all these thoughts oh god what one is the right one none of them feel right I have to find the right one,' that's a trap. I think we all get that anxiety (or some of us do), and it comes in like a false compass, convincing us that there is only one path to what comes next. And that's not true. There's a thousand things you can choose, including the one that's easiest, the most fun, the most interesting to you, the most curious, the most dramatic, the most anxiety-provoking etc.

Notepad and pen, or Notes app, whatever it is, it can be worth jotting down the thoughts outside of 'writing time.'

Don't write what comes next as soon as you sit down if you don't know what comes next, write the bit you can imagine or think of. Write something that you can imagine happening a bit later, maybe even in the same chapter. I can't tell you how many chapters I've started about 'two pages in' and then go back and fill in the beginning. And remember, if you can write something in the future, that's still something you can use for your story anyway, so the writing session was still productive!

Use the tools around you to get back into the feel of the story. Sometimes the thoughts go because you might not be in your character's head-space, or you might not be feeling the setting of your story. I liberally use playlists to deal with this issue, because music helps me get into a character space, a chapter space, an emotion space. You might need complete silence, or you might need to reread a section of your writing, or the chapter that went before. Let the story tell you where it needs to go next:

Often, based on what you have set up, your characters will only have a certain number of paths they can go in that will make the most sense for where they're at psychologically and emotionally. Or basically 'how Peter feels will make him decide what he wants to do next.' Another version is 'Peter feels like this because this is what the plot is doing to him.' Your characters are reacting and acting throughout their entire 'lives' in your story, so sink into what you know of them - are they reacting to the plot right now? Are they acting as the plot right now? Is it a mix? Sometimes the thoughts disappearing can be what I think of as me trying to impose something that doesn't quite work on the characters, because I've stopped listening to them or because I've imagined something for them that doesn't fit yet. While not everyone is as character driven as I am, the whole 'what is my character doing, what does my character want, what does this mean re: what happens next' helps so much when I sit down and have no idea what to write next.

And finally, this is something I think a lot of writers would benefit from who struggle to 'get started': Don't end your writing sessions when you feel 'finished.' Leave a paragraph or sentence half done, that has an easy ending. This way when you sit down to do your writing session next, your mind will reach for that ending (or a version of it) and you'll immerse back into the story a lot faster than starting fresh with a new sentence or paragraph. This can be a really successful exercise for some people. 'Finish before you finish' basically.

Okay I think that's a good start. There's definitely more tools that can be added to your toolkit if this is an issue. It's also worth sitting down and asking if you're burnt out and/or experiencing other structural issues with the story. During part of Falling Falling Stars where the pace had previously been slower (the Forest arc) I realised we were way closer to the end than I thought and resisted it, trying to keep that slower pace. I had a lot of writer's block around then, and a lot of my ideas 'vanished' because there was a deeper urge to do justice to the story by picking up the pace and closing it off sooner than I expected.

Obviously I don't know what's going on, but it never hurts to have more tips / tools to deal with 'all my thoughts disappeared what do I write next.' Personally, I think the story and characters will tell you, if you give them to time to talk to you, but I'm weird that way.

[estherdedlock]

I admit it: I still don’t know what “Dark Academia” is. I’ve been deep into this for almost a year and I’ve watched all the video essays about it and looked at all the moodboards and read all the quotes and I still could not give you a quick, “elevator pitch” summary of what it is.

Now, I think Dark Academia is pretty easy to define when you’re talking about clothes, movies, or decor. I could probably put together a Dark Academia moodboard in five minutes, any of us could. But when it comes to books...that’s where things get cloudy. It seems to me that Dark Academia reading can pretty much be anything that gives you those DA feelings, however you define them.

So with that said, here are a couple of books I’ve read recently that could be categorized as Dark Academia. Some spoilers ahead, too.

* * * * * *

The first is Olivie Blake’s "BookTok sensation,” The Atlas Six, which is generally touted as pure, unequivocal Dark Academia. If you like DA, you’ve got to read this book, or so people say.

I’ll admit I’m only halfway through it and I went and spoiled myself on Goodreads to find out if the second half was going to be better than the first. It doesn’t appear that it will be, but I think I might slog through it anyway. 

The setting is the magical Alexandria Society, where, once every decade, six potential new initiates are brought together to compete for lifetime membership.

I’ve seen TA6 compared to The Secret History here and there but there is literally no similarity at all. To me, this is not even Dark Academia. One of the characters even says to the new recruits: “This is not a school, and I am not your teacher.” And he’s right! It’s really more of a Survivor-type competition, where only five of the six will make the cut. It happens to take place in a library-ish setting, but Blake doesn’t seem interested in creating a broody, academic atmosphere. Quite the opposite, actually. Just a few chapters in, there’s a long, Jason Bourne-style action sequence in which the initiates have to fight a black ops team of trained assassins from the CIA, MI6, and Chinese intelligence. I don’t think you could get less Dark Academia than that! (It’s also a scene that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, because several of these characters just shouldn’t have these kinds of combat skills, even with magic, but whatever).

Most of the rest of the book is scheming. At least, the first 170 pages or so have essentially been nothing but scheming, with the characters trying to suss out each other’s skills, strengths, and weaknesses to form alliances. There are a great many internal monologues and a lot of hinting about people’s powers...you know, a lot of If they knew what she really was, what she was capable of... That sort of thing. This gets pretty annoying after a while. Just frigging tell me already. Most of the characters are quite flat. My favorite so far is a bit player, an amoral grifter of a mermaid who can bubble up through the plumbing. But I suspect I’m not going to see much more of her.

The book does boast one of the worst sentences I’ve ever read:

“Libby’s brow remained annoyingly lost to the span of her forehead.”

What does this mean? I think the author is trying to say that Libby raised her eyebrows to express exaggerated disbelief, but I’m honestly not sure. I know this book was originally self-published, but I don’t think an editor touched it before the traditional publisher re-issued it this year. The author actually has a weird obsession with Libby’s forehead in general, specifically, her bangs (or “fringe” -- the book is full of Britishisms, even though the author is American). In fact, Libby’s bangs seem to be her primary personality trait. Anyway, that’s all I have to say about The Atlas Six.

* * * * * *

The next book is The Holy Innocents, by Gilbert Adair. This book has an odd backstory because Adair wrote two different versions of it. He published the first in 1988. In 2003, it was made into a movie starring Eva Green, The Dreamers (and yes, I discovered this movie via Dark Academia moodboards because I’m just that garbagey sort of a person). Then, Adair rewrote his own book to function as a novelization of the movie and published it as The Dreamers. The one I read was the 1988, pre-movie, original version.

About two-thirds of this book was a dark, broody, aesthetic trip. A 19-year-old Californian, Matthew, goes to France in 1968 to study film. There, he meets two passionate and pretentious movie buffs, the 17-year-old twins Guillaume and Danielle. He winds up living with them in the great gloom of the Parisian apartment owned by their father, an eccentric poet. The lodgings are so expansive that the kids have their own, isolated wing of it called le quartier des enfants. All sorts of things are going on in le quartier des enfants. So far, so Dark Academic!

The twins’ parents go out of town, leaving the enfants to their own devices. That’s when things get really freaky. Imagine this: If Richard Papen moved in with Charles and Camilla and they completely cut themselves off from the rest of the world up in that attic apartment. For a while they just sit around in front of a roaring fire, listening to old records and acting out their favorite bits of Greek tragedy. One thing leads to another and then...they all start fucking. I mean, they’re all fucking. A lot. It’s very filthy but also very atmospheric and aesthetic and dark, dark, dark.

The book gets even darker and more aesthetic when the erotic teenage trio decamps to Normandy for a stay in the decaying château owned by the twins’ clueless grandmother. This unfortunately didn’t last long enough. Upon their return to Paris, shit gets even weirder. I use the word “shit” deliberately. There is literal shit involved.

Adair invests a lot of energy in hinting, repeatedly, that these kids are going to keep descending into a hell of their own making until something truly terrible happens. What happens is that things get pretty gross. I began wondering if I was just reading some guy’s sex fantasies about polyamorous teenagers.

Then, in the last 20 pages or so, The Holy Innocents becomes a completely different book! The kids are roused from their surreal sex fugue by the student uprising of May 1968! They rush out into the streets to man the barricades Les Miz-style! It’s one of the biggest, whiplash what the fucks I’ve ever encountered in a book.

I understand that the movie (and I suppose, Adair’s novelization of the movie) diverged quite a lot from the original novel, and I can see why. This isn’t really a novel at all. It’s more like a lengthy short story with no real beginning, middle, or end. A series of atmospheric, erotic vignettes that seem to be leading to some great personal cataclysm. The last thing I expected was a sudden burst of 1960s youthquake activism.

So, Dark Academically speaking, I can recommend about the first two-thirds of The Holy Innocents, for the atmosphere, provided the sex doesn’t put you off. The last third, I’d say...proceed at your own risk. And maybe not on a full stomach.

Ugh, I apologize for the rambling length of this. I’m afraid I’m avoiding other things that I’m supposed to be doing.

[lunarsands]

Empires SMP Season 2 theories/headcanons that are completely wild speculation because the series just started! These are mainly about Scott and Sausage’s characters because @cynthrey​ and I are in a pit of brainrot over them in particular.

This might read a bit disjointed because it’s snipped from different discussions we’ve had but I tried to put them in order.

Regarding Scott’s character:

A collector of things, and that might not be limited to physical objects. He might have magical powers for all we know, which leads to him collecting things like other people’s memories.

The two different color eyes: one eye “collects” the memories, the other returns them.

Mix in some symbolism of "moon" eye takes the memories = like a dream, "sun" eye returns them = wakefulness

(The innocent, wholesome flower field is just a cover, the man is up to something)

Re, Sausage:

What if...going by the "all new characters" thing, it's not exactly S1!Sausage but a parallel version and similar things happened. Like maybe he was actually a blood relative of fWhip and Gem, or had a deeper relationship with Pearl, etc., and also ended up travelling dimensions.

Also throw in the concept of Sausage being cursed with immortality. (Y'all might see where I was going with this ficlet now)

(I’m putting the rest under a read more to save your dash and possibly your sanity)

Now have Scott poke around in Sausage’s memories. Scott seeing the memory of Pearl dying and just casually starts mentioning pearls around Sausage to see what sets him off, because he's mischievous/antagonistic like that.

(More Scott villain arc yes pls)

Him seeing Sausage’s past mistakes and everything he hates about his past (he does see a few happy memories but it’s like 1 out of 5). Then imagine Scott taking previous memories hostage -- snatches the memory of the Wither Rose Alliance -- and forces Sausage to collect something of great value or bye bye to one of the few good memories he still has.

Back to the Pearl relationship thought, maybe they never admitted their feelings and Scott has been memory viewing then hints about her out loud, which really presses Sausage's buttons because he lost her.

-first is just a peek and then when Scott notices how he can use that to his benefit he full on yoinks the memory of her -

Sausage being like "Hey why the f*ck does my heart hurt so much all of a sudden, I have no idea"

(Scott yoinking the memory of Pearl and then starts bringing sunflowers to Sausage, just to push buttons.)

Imagine Sausage threatening to kill him when he finds out and Scott just goes "yeah, no, bad idea, if I die so does the memory. Wanna lose her again?"

(In this house we love our angst)

OR

turn things around and have Sausage asking Scott to remove a memory because it's so bad.

Not-so-evil (redemption arc?) Scott helping others get rid of memories that are just too painful to deal with = cute and sad

- would be extra painful if he sees the memories in first person too.

- one minute he is helping a friend, next one "he" is causing a bloodbath.

- But! What if it's so bad that even Scott doesn't want it in his head, and he will collect anything. Like something exceptionally horrific about something out in the dimensions Sausage traveled through.

--

Sausage: "What do you mean you are not going to take that memory???"

Scott: "Listen, Sausage, you are my friend but if YOU can’t deal with that memory what makes you think I can?"

--

Like before this anytime he stole a memory it was just being able to observe it but now he's experiencing them and feeling the emotions. (Oh look more shared feelings trope) Then he starts feeling things from the POV of other people in the memory, not just who he stole it from.

--

Scott: "Hey before I met you I was just watching these like a movie, now I'm feeling things, what did you do to me?"

Sausage: "Uh yeah there are side effects to travelling through dimensions. Um. Sorry I guess???"

[e-jaegerenthusiast]

lurk~toji fushiguro x reader

(part 2 to u&i bully!megumi)

art by sab_xcvii

I am respectfully looking down. down.

had to down a couple of beers to get through this bro—

all characters are of age.

based on the song ‘lurk’ by the neighbourhood

warnings/tw; smut, cheating?, age gap, rough sex, choking, daddy kink, spitting, size kink, slight dumbificantion, degrading, praise kink, nipple play (both receiving)

summary; what happens when you learn more about megumi? and believe it too.

w.c; 6k

you’d been thinking about megumi all weekend. his face and all the events from the prior day swirling inside your head as you pondered them over and over, trying and hoping to find an apology in midst of all the pants shared between you both. of all the words he said to you.

just a simple apology. an apology to ease your heart, an attempt to clear all the things he put you through. all the times he humiliated you, all the times he embarrassed you and made you feel unimportant, unwanted. that’s all your beating heart wanted from him.

yet he never said those two words. not as he kissed you, not as he led you to the backseat of his charger, not as he slid in your mouth, or not as he fucked into you.

your chest filled with anxiety, he used me. curling up in your comforter as you tried to push away your negative thoughts with the soft music playing in your ears.

that was until your phone gave out a ding. picking it up, the light of it filling your dark, depressing room as you read the text with an unknown contact.

‘hey, bunny’ it read.

you squinted your eyes, where had you heard that nickname before? ah yes. the parking lot. the devil himself.

you groaned, locking your phone and wrapping yourself in your warm duvet again. your phone lit up again with the sound of his text. you blinked a few times as you shook your head and unlocked it again.

‘forgot to tell you’ as you read that, you pressed the contact and saved it as “megs </3”

your heart filled with a sense of hope, the little burnt flame igniting within you again, it died down as soon as it had been planted in you as you read the next text,

‘i got your number from one of your friends’

you sigh, so that’s what he forgot to tell you. not fuckin-

you were brought out of your thoughts as another text popped up

‘hello?’

‘y/n?’

‘did that bitch give me the wrong number?’

you wish you could just type out a lie, saying he got the wrong number, and forget that megumi fushiguro ever existed in your life. sure, maybe it was petty of you to hold a grudge against him for not apologizing even after the sensual acts that took place between you both the day prior. however, it was important to you. you needed to know he actually felt guilty those times. you need to know he felt as shitty as you did on the inside. you needed to know he wasn’t just using you. he technically never said that either, just told you to not say it.

nevertheless, you’re typing away before you can stop yourself. you should have.

‘hey ‘gumi’

‘no you got the right number’

you don’t really know what else to say. waiting patiently as the 3 dots start moving, signaling he’s typing.

‘good.’

‘i’ll pick you up in 30. be ready.’

you glance at the time on your phone, 5:30. you had enough time.

‘okay’

‘see ya cutie’

you get out of your bed quickly. taking a quick shower as the warm water helped you relax. you wear some jean shorts and a tank top with a silver necklace hanging lowly on your neck. you do some light makeup, only a little colorless lipgloss and mascara, as you tie your hair up in a ponytail. a few strands coming loose, not really being bothered to re-do it, you head down the stairs and go outside to sit on the porch, waiting for megumi.

in a couple minutes, his black charger comes to a halt infront of your house, you get up, grabbing your phone and your small purse, sliding it around your neck as you make your way to his car.

he leans to the passenger side and opens the door for you, giving you a smirk as you get in, gaze faltering on your jean shorts as he licks his lips. you give him a small smile, “hi.” your voice is soft as you observe him, the smell of rough lavender fills your nose this time instead of the cedarwood and musk, it seems gone now. his raven hair is damp atop his head, signaling he just came out of the shower.

he leans over and presses a quick kiss to your cheek, his hair brushing your forhead as he pulls away. a blush creeps on to your cheeks, “hey, beautiful.” he smiles as he fixes his gaze on the road and presses the gas pedal.

he puts his hand on your upper thigh, “how are you?” you bite the inside of your cheeks, “fine.” his gaze stops on you for a second before looking back at the road, “you’re lying.” you sigh, trying to come up with an excuse. how could he tell whenever you’re lying? “I uhm.. I just have a bit of a headache.”

he hummed, “if you say so.” he gave you a smile as he squeezed your thigh. you decided to push all your thoughts away for now and only focus on him. you put your hand on his, “where are we going?” he looked at your hand with a smile, “my house.”

your gaze fixed on him, “why not outside?” he looked over to you, “I lost my phone somewhere at the house.. but if you don’t wanna go there I don’t mind. we could just hang outside.” he said with a shrug.

you thought it over for a few seconds, he was offering you a chance to see his house, where he spent most of his childhood in, so if you got the chance to see more of him, you would be a fool to not take it. you gave a soft squeeze to his hand on your thigh, “no, yeah let’s go to your house.”

he smirked as he made a sharp turn into a street, his knuckles flexing on the wheel. this was pretty far from your house, the houses in the neighborhood were all a fair distance away from eachother, each one looking modern and rather large.

he pulled into the parking way of one of the houses, as you looked up from your window, you could see the house was just as big as the others, glass panes covering one whole side of it instead of walls. the parking garage’s door slid up with a press of megumi’s finger on a remote. he parked the car and you both got out. a sudden feeling of anxiety swimming in your chest as you saw the big black ram next to where megumi had parked, was his dad home?

megumi grabbed your hand in his, holding you close and interlocking your fingers as you both made your way up a small flight of stairs. “my dad’s not home, I think he’s at the neighbors’ house, he’s his friend.” you swallowed, your shoulders relaxing as you nodded.

he let go of your hand as he opened a door that led to the huge living room, mostly black and dark grey furniture everywhere, it was calming in a sense. he twirled around with his arms open infront of you, “as you can see the house’s pretty fuckin huge. I hate it— so I’m not gonna give you a tour or anything. but,” you frowned at his words, fidgeting with your fingers. he moved towards you, smiling, “how about you give yourself a tour as you call my phone and try to find it? please? I need it for this one senior assignment I’m getting today.” you nodded slowly as he flashed you a big grin, kissing your cheek before storming off and yelling, “my sister needs my help with something! I’ll be back!”

with that, he left you alone standing in the large empty living room. you sighed, finding his phone seemed to be pretty important to him. you got your phone out of your purse, starting to dial megumi’s number as you wondered around the house. he didn’t seem fond of this house, it was really big though so you thought family members could easily ignore each other for days. that’s probably what megumi would do.

you dialed his number over and over, looking around the vastly sized kitchen, the dining room, and some other rooms downstairs. megumi had left upstairs so you thought that’s probably where the bedrooms are and he had most definitely looked around in there. so you decided to take the stairs that spiraled down instead. 

as you made your way down the stairs, a faint sound of the bass of music hit your ears. you followed it down the narrow hallway that was filled with empty white vases and fake plants. the music was getting too loud for it to be a ringtone. it led you to a big white door, you opened it as you stepped inside.

you were met with an even bigger looking room than any of the ones you had seen on the main floor, mirrors were covering all its walls, the music loud as it blasted through the soundproof ceiling, there were lots of equipment and machines, oh. it was a gym. was it bigger than the living room and kitchen combined? probably.

you dialed megumi’s number again, walking around the gym, staring at everything with wide eyes. how fucking rich were they? their own personal gym right under their penthouse, you scoffed at the excessive wealth they had, or his dad had.

you heard a light vibration, going towards it as you could see a faint light on the ground next to a towel, right under the mirrors on the wall, you bent over to pick it up, megumi’s phone. finally.

as you stood back up, your eyes set on a huge, tall body in the mirror standing behind you, before you could even look up to see who it is, you screamed and turned around, jumping back against the mirror, closing your eyes as you brought your hands in front of you offensively, as if you could do any damage with them.

you slowly opened your eyes as you heard a deep chuckle, toji fushiguro stood infront of you. tight workout shorts sticking to his legs, bringing out his huge thighs, a black tank top sat upon his chest, a slight wet ring formed around the front of it as his body was covered in sweat, glistening.

his body was beyond huge, making you look so insignificant standing before him. he ran a veiny hand through his damp hair, bicep flexing as he did so, “done staring, pretty thing?” your mouth went dry, as if you weren’t practically drooling seconds before.

you could hear your heartbeat in your own ears, you were about to fucking black out. and you didn’t know why, his presence was so intimidating, the smell of cedarwood and musk filled the aroma around him, making you dizzy. so that was his smell yesterday in the car.

he towered over you, licking slightly at the scar on his lip, “cat’s got your tongue? or has megumi got a deaf plaything this time?” at the mention of your hearing, you tried to focus on the loud song playing instead of your unsteady heartbeat. the song was a forgein rap, turkish maybe? as it blasted through the gym and bounced off the ceiling.

you cleared your throat slightly, not trusting the power of your voice right now, “I uhm.. no.. I was just looking for fushiguro’s phone, and I uh.. found it here.” you waved the phone in front of your face, trying to show him.

he raises a brow, turning around and moving towards what seems to be a cable crossover machine. he grabs the hem of his black top with one hand, sliding it over his head as he dries the sweat around his neck, leaving the shirt there like a scarf. you stand there, staring at his muscular back. pressing your thighs together, why were you pressing your thighs together? this was megumi’s dad.

megumi’s phone kept buzzing in your hand, you looked at the screen, notifications on notifications showing there, you couldn’t see the texts unless it was unlocked but you could see the contact names, most of them were not saved, the rest being emojis.

“7 notifications from 💥”

“4 notifications from 👅”

“3 notifications from 🧜🏻‍♀️”

you could feel the rage settling in your stomach and all the way to your head, having a tight grip on his phone. the sound of weights bumping into eachother made you jump, looking up at where toji stood in between the machine, his arms working with the cables as his pecs flexed and unflexed.

the man glances at you from the side of his eyes, making your breath hitch in your throat. he keeps opening and closing his arms with the wire, his gaze not leaving you as you practically have a staring contest. he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, opening them as the scar on his lip tugs upwards with his smirk.

he stops moving his arms, making you flinch again with the sound of the weights hitting the metal, you find yourself pulling away your gaze from his crotch. when did you start staring at the bulge in his shorts?

you felt dizzy again as he started walking towards you slowly, his manly perfume filling your nose again. taking the damp black top around his neck and tying it around his forhead, he makes it into a makeshift headband as he pulls his hair back out of his forhead and up. you gasp at the sight, looking down at the ground in as your face starts heating up.

he stops a few inches infront of you, holding his large palm out to you as he motions for you to give him megumi’s phone. the loud forgein rap seems to fade away as his deep voice rings in your ears again, “explosion one’s ‘bitch that sucked him off real good,” he scrolled through megumi’s notifications with his thumb. the big phone looking tiny in his large hands, he held a bored expression on his face as he made your heart clench with each sentence, “tongue one he went down on,” he scoffs and chuckles darkly, “damn brat, the mermaid one must be the girl he fucked in my pool last night and denied of ever doing so when I busted his ass.” he twisted the phone in his hands and held it out to you.

a horrid expression filled your eyes as you kept your gaze on his chest, “oh and you must be the sunset girl, hm?” you looked up at him, tears brimming your eyes, “w-what??” he leaned forward and tucked megumi’s phone in the back pocket of your jean shorts, his big hand covering the majority of the cheek of your ass, making you shiver as your nose was practically in his neck, his musky scent making you dizzy.

as he pulled away, he whispered in your ear in a voice you could only recognize as seductive scary, “you look smarter than to be used by my excuse of a son, doll.” you blinked a few times. trying to register what just happened before quickly getting past him and making your way out of the gym and upstairs.

your head was swarming with thoughts as you sat in the living room, clutching megumi’s phone in your hands. you stared at the spiraling stairs that would lead you up to where he probably was. you were trying to mentally get yourself ready, should you ask him about it? should you even mention it? toji’s voice clouded your brain, he called you megumi’s plaything. was it true? were you just like all the other girls? getting used by him and getting lost between the many ‘emoji’s’?

you took a deep breath, heading upstairs and calling for megumi. his head plopped out of one of the rooms, hair in fluffy spikes as he smiled at you. “did you find it?” you nodded and walked towards him.

giving him his phone, he motioned for you to join him in his bedroom, sitting on his chair in the corner of the room as you sat on his bed in the center, looking at him anxiously as you gripped the bedsheets beneath your palms.

he was focused on his phone, scrolling through something with furrowed brows and an amused expression before he looked at you standing up and grabbing what seemed to be his car keys from his desk.

“hey uhh.. I’m sorry one of my friends is in big trouble, I gotta go but I’ll be back okay? do you wanna stay here until I come back?” he waited for your answer, lightly bouncing his foot as if he couldn’t wait to get out of the room and to wherever he was going.

you felt like you could cry any moment now, you just needed him to go away, to not be here to witness your pathetic tears and emotions. you bit on your bottom lip, should you wait for him? or go home? “uhm, yeah I’ll wait..” you said as his ocean blue eyes stared at you in anticipation, you couldn’t say no to them.

a wide smile came onto his face, giving you a salute and a small “thank you” before he hurried out of the room, getting downstairs with fast steps that you could hear.

you took a deep breath, falling back down on his bed, it smelled like him, like lavender. god what where you doing? your eyes felt heavy like your heart, why did you give him a chance to slither his way into you heart? he was supposed to stay your bully.

before you knew it, you fell asleep on his bed, your brain too swarmed by your thoughts that you wanted to just push away. you felt like you were half asleep, still being aware of your surroundings.

you opened your eyes to a vibration, it was your phone in your hands, you looked at the time, it had been almost an hour since you laid on his bed, not even aware if you were fully asleep or not.

you sighed, getting off his bed and out of his room, you looked around for a bathroom, finding it not too far from megumi’s room, in the same hallway a few steps down.

when you came out, you turned around only to bump into a chest, looking up, you covered your mouth with your hands, “I’m sorry! uhm...” it was megumi’s dad, he had a grin on his face, his hair damp atop his head, his chest bare, and a towel hanging around his torso.

he gave you a look up and down, “you’re good, where’s megumi?” he waited for your answer, but saw you fidgeting with your fingers and pouting, “he left you didn’t he?” you nodded weakly.

he brought his hand to his own chin, rubbing at it as he seemed to be deep in thought of something, then his gaze caught yours, your eyes dilating as a devilish grin made its way accross his lips.

before you could blink, your back was pressed against the wall of the hallway, his large hand around your throat as he towered over you. leaning his face close to yours as your eyes fluttered with his minty breath in your face, “then how about,” he tightened his grip on your throat, making you choke on a breath as he continued, “we get some revenge on him, yeah?”

you were speechless, this all felt like a fever dream. that’s it, maybe you hadn’t even woken up yet, maybe you were still sleeping soundly in megumi’s room. but the wetness pooling between your legs as he parted them with his knee said otherwise.

he smashed his lips onto yours, kissing you at a slow pace until your small hands were grabbing at his chest, pushing him away to look up into his dark eyes, “t-this is wrong— what are we—“

he sighed, “your little boyfriend is out fucking someone else right now, please don’t tell me your little teenage heart is in love with him or some bullshit.” he was right. you were nothing to megumi, you never had been. so why shouldn’t you act like he was nothing to you?

his eyes were searching your face, his brows scrunched together. you grabbed a fist full of the back of his hair and brought his lips down to yours, you could feel his smirk against your lips before he started to kiss you back again, this time rougher.

his tongue pushed against your lips, and you opened your mouth for him, letting him taste you. the smell of musk was all around you, making you dizzy as you grabbed at his hair. the kiss was a sloppy mess, his tongue dominating yours and biting at your bottom lip as he pulled back.

he pressed his bulge against your center, making you let out a small whimper as you looked up at him with doe eyes. he leaned in again, but this time his lips went to your neck, his tongue pressing against your pulse point as the beat of your heart got faster and faster. you could feel him sucking and nibbling on the skin of your neck, leaving trails of crimson and rosemary all over your collarbone as you shuddered and small pants left your mouth.

his large hands were pressing into both sides of your hip, the towel around his torso shuffling as he practically grinded your clothed center onto it. on of your hands was laced through his hair, grip tightening as his mouth traveled down to your chest, pressing wet kisses right above your boobs that were still covered by the material of your shirt. your other hand held onto the large muscle of his bare bicep tightly, crescents forming from your nails as he bit the hard bud of your nipple from above your shirt.

your hand on his bicep traveled to his chest hesitantly, so hesitant that when your fingers accidentally brushed against his left nipple, he hissed, a shudder running down his spine and pulling back from where he was marking you up. you studied the loon on his face closely, his eyes were filled with lust, looking you up and down as he towered over your small form.

you looked back at the hand that was resting on his pec, his nipple hard right between your index and middle finger. you took a deep breath, slowly moving forward towards his chest, he watched you as you pressed a kiss to his nipple, his arm twitching from on the wall, the fingers from his other hand tightening around the flesh of your tiny hip. he wanted to stop you, let you know who’s in charge, but he decided to wait, wanting to know what you’re up to.

you pressed another kiss to the bud, only this time, your tongue pressed against it as you pulled away, earning a grunt from him. you stuck out your tongue circling his nipple in slow movements as your other hand trailed down his defined stomach, grabbing onto the self-made knot of his towel as you attempted to pull him closer than he already was.

the way your tongue was swirling around his nipple as you sucked slowly, kissing it after each nibble had him weak. he was god awful thankful that you couldn’t see his face right now, because his expression was not him. his face was burried in your neck, the tip of his nose a light pink that dusted his defined cheekbones too. his eyes were scrunched shut, his nose upwards as his mouth was agape, small pants and broken breaths leaving his pretty lips.

when you finally got the knot of his towel free, the white material going loose around his torso, you bit down on his nipple gently. that was his breaking point, the rope that finally snapped. hearing a deep growl from him, you could feel large hands on the back of your thighs, pulling you up so you were flush against him, both your legs locked around his waist and your hands tight around his neck as you hid your face in between his two large pecs.

you were so lost in the strong smell of the shampoo previously used on his chest that you only felt his girth in between your legs when he started walking you both down the hallway. your eyes widened, looking down in between you and at the generous amount of manhood he had to give you with a gasp. you were dumbfounded, stuttering over your words as you tried to form a sentence, he was walking you both somewhere, a deep chuckle vibrating from his chest as you pressed your head to it again.

“ssshh don’t worry about that, doll.” he said, rubbing circles onto the flesh of your ass with his thumb. you pulled your head back from his chest as you felt his hands shuffle, throwing you onto a bed as you bounced a few times, your hair fanning around you as you closed your eyes, trying to prepare yourself for whatever is to come.

your eyes opened wide as your nose picked up the now familiar scent of lavender, looking around you in a haste, you were on megumi’s bed.

you looked forward, the sentence you wanted to scream at toji dying down on your tongue when you saw him crawling towards you with a malicious grin, the veins in his large biceps flexing with every moment, his cock standing upright under his stomach, the tip red and angry as precum dribbled onto the lavender-smelling sheets below you both.

his large form is above you, hands on either side of your head as he leans down again, grabbing at your shirt in an animalistic manner, you thought he was gonna tug it over your head, closing your eyes. you opened them back up when you heard a loud shredding sound. he had ripped your top to pieces, the fabric ripping in two beside you as your naked chest was exposed to him.

he raise his brows, the side of his mouth where his scar resided rising up into a half-smirk, “no bra? fucking dirty.” he grabbed one of your boobs, rolling your nipple in between his fingers as he took the other one his mouth, humming around it as his long eyelashes fluttered against his cheek, his gaze coming back to stare you in the eyes as you watched him. “were you prepared to get fucked by him again?” he said in between pressing his tongue against your nipple, earning small pants and whimpers from you.

“didn’t expect to be splayed out like this under his dad instead did you now?” his voice was deep, he sucked on your nipple repeatedly, making sure to give the other one the same attention as he rolled the other bud in between his large fingers. you moaned out loud when you felt his sharp teeth biting into your chest, “speak when you’re fucking spoken to.” he said as he landed a slap on your other boob, you whimpered, nodding your head “y-yes— I mean— n-no I didn’t—“

he gave out a dark chuckle, his hot breaths driving you crazy as he switched between your boobs, sucking and biting on the other one as he held them both in his hands, “haven’t even fucked you, yet you’re all dumb under me already.” he said with another chuckle as he hummed around your nipple.

he came back up to your lips, his huge cock pressing into your clothed center. you felt his fingers wrap around your throat, rising your head slightly from the pillow and bringing your face closer to his, your nose touching his, his gaze feral as it pierced you, his lips inches away from you as you could feel his hot breath over your lips.

he gave you a passionate kiss, his tongue diving into your mouth before he pulled away, your lips following him to get more, but he only chuckled darkly again, looking down at where his cock was practically twitching against you. “you gonna take your slutty fucking shorts off? or should I rip them as well huh?” you shakes your head rapidly, “n-no.” you squealed.

he raised his brows, his gaze moving between your eyes and your lips, his hand tightening around your throat, “no, who?” he nearly growled out. you squeezed your eyes together, breath catching in your throat as you whine out “n-no… daddy.” he smirked, giving a single smooch to your parted lips before loosening his hand around your throat, “atta girl, now c’mon, do as you’re told and I’ll play nice on you ‘kay?”

your hands were shaky as you lifted your hips, sliding your shorts down halfway to your knees, struggling to get out of them under his dark gaze. he groaned, rolling his eyes as his hands replaced yours, tugging the shorts down fully and throwing them somewhere on the floor.

he looked down at you, licking his lips. a wet patch had formed on your panties, his large hands coming to your hips, grabbing onto the waistband of your underwear before he groaned again, “too much fuckin work.” you heard another ripping sound, he had tore your underwear too, disregarding the pieces that remained on the bed as he ran his fingers along your inner thigh, his eyes coming back up to your face to watch your every expression.

“oops.” he muttered, snickering at you, before his face turned into one of— concern? your lips were trembling, tears prickling your eyes as you tried to blink them away. he moved up again, his hand coming up to hold your face in his palm, his thumb wiping at your wet lashes. “what is it, doll? are you scared?”

you sniffed, shaking your head grabbing his other wrist in your small hands, shakily bringing it to your lower stomach. he smiled, humming, “you want me touch you? take real good care of you?” his fingers inched closer to your clit, but still not touching, only grazing the upper part of your pussy.

you nodded, “uhh huh— p-please, fushiguro.” he chuckled again, the sound becoming familiar to your ears as you wanted to hear it more and more. “please??” he said in a teasing tone, his voice dropping a few octaves down if that was even possible.

“p-please toji—“ he laughed, the noise making your cunt flutter around nothing. “wrong answer, doll.” he slapped your clit, the action catching you off gaurd, making you let out a choked whimper. his hand still on your cheek, going down to grip your jaw as he hummed quizzically. “please, daddy.”

“mhhmm,” you felt his palm graze your clit as one of his thick middlefinger fingers entered you, your back arching and hips bucking up towards his hands as you moaned. “there you go, right there?” the pad of his finger pressed against the perfect spot inside of you, your thighs shaking around him as you nodded and moaned, his chuckles feeling your ears again.

your hips were bucking up against him in a circular motion, your walls tightening around his single finger as you felt the knot in your stomach begin to unwind, right then and there, he pulled his finger out of you, snickering as you whined. you looked down at him, his finger that was in you seconds ago now in his mouth as he hummed around it, “you taste so sweet, doll.”

he leaned down, taking his large cock in his hand, stroking the base a few times before lining it up right at your entrance, he was on his knees, looking down at you with a raised brow, “I’d ask you if you’re a virgin but,” your eyes widened as you felt his head move into you, your hands gripping the sheets and your knuckles growing white as you whimpered. “you’re a naughty little— fuck— slut. but still tight.”

your walls fluttered around him repeatedly as he tried to fit in more of his cock, stretching you open almost painfully, but god the stretch felt amazing. you felt like you could rip the sheets any moment now with the grip you had on them, you could barely keep your eyes open, nuzzling your head into your own neck and whimpering.

until you felt his fingers wrap around your throat again, looking at him as your mouth hung open, soundless breaths leaving your mouth and onto his face as he smirked, his cock was spreading you open so wide, you could feel every vein, every ridge of it brushing against your tight walls, and eventually his big balls tapping at your ass when he bottomed out.

he stilled inside of you, letting you let out your choked breaths until your hips were rutting against him, he groaned, “I’m trying to be nice here, give you time to get used to it, and you go and grind against me while I’m balls-deep inside of your tight little cunt?” your eyes rolled back as he gave you his first thrust, hard and unrelenting. making your tits jiggle up and back down again, your hands going to his wrist that is around your throat.

you hold his lower arm with one of your small hands, and the other around his wrist, pressing down on your throat until a squeak comes out your mouth, his cock twitches inside of you, and you clench around him as he gives you another hard thrust, “want me to choke you? you’re dirty like that?” his fingers tighten around your neck, and your around his arm and wrist.

his thrusts are hard, fucking into you with all the power in his hips and pulling out agonizingly slow, just to ram back in again. you moan out and let out incoherent babbles, he hums quizzically, and you lol your tongue out, his thrusts slow for a few seconds, chuckling darkly. he spits in your mouth, right on your tongue, and you can feel his thrusts speed up again as he grunts out “swallow then.”

and you do, you take all that he gives you, your cunt flutters around him again, your orgasm close as you claw at his large biceps, whimpering and moaning out, “f-faster, please daddy.” he groans, taking both his arms and balancing himself on top of you, but closer.

his hips move faster, not hard and agonizing anymore, but he listens to you. the sounds of his balls slapping against your ass fills the room and mixes with the ragged breaths coming out of his mouth, and then loud moans you’re giving out, your hands go to his hair as you feel the knot in your stomach snap, scratching at his scalp and pulling at the back of his hair.

he moans, the sound cutting short as he presses his lips to yours, it’s messy, just a wet battle of tongues as you both swallow eachother’s sounds. a string of saliva connecting you both as your pussy gushes all around him, cumming with a scream and another pull on the raven strands of his hair.

he keeps giving you sloppy thrusts, helping you ride through your orgasm, “fuck— yeah, cum on daddy’s cock baby, just like that.” his voice is shaky, the words coming out between broken breaths and grunts. he gives you one last thrust, making your whole body shudder as he fills you up, his warm cum painting your insides, as he moans repeatedly, his brows scrunched and his forhead resting in the crook of your neck as he tries to calm himself.

he lays on top of you for a while, but slowly pulls away as you start groaning, his body weight crushing you. with a chuckle, he pulls out, and it’s the most beautiful sight you’ve seen. he’s on his knees between your legs, holding the base of his own cock as he pulls out slowly, one side of his hair is in the air, messy around his head and beads of sweat decorate his chest.

you whine out at the feeling of being so empty, and he snickers, shaking his head and leaving the room before you notice. did he just leave you? you lay on the bed, and try to get up before his cum can stain megumi’s sheets. your legs are shaking as you try to make it to the bathroom, your lower stomach burning with an unfamiliar pain, you had never taken a dick this big before.

you washed up, getting out the bathroom with shaky legs, holding the wall for support. until you bumped into a chest, again. you looked up, he looked the same as when he left the room, “you really need to stop doing that doll. unless you want me to destroy your cunt.” toji says with a smirk, making your cheeks heat up.

“why did you get up?” he asks with a raise of his brows. you struggle to stand, your knee buckling as his gaze goes down to your trembling legs, chuckling as he has you in his arms in the blink of an eye, carrying you back to megumi’s room. “you can’t even walk now can you?” he says teasingly. and you huff, furrowing your brows as he sits you back on the bed.

“I went to bring you a shirt. since ya know-“ you look up at him, your eyes sparkling as he holds a black shirt in his hands, giving you a smile, “arms up.” you obey, putting both your arms up, waiting for him to put his shirt on you. he licks his lips, grinning as he gives out a chuckle, looking at you tits being stretched up with your hands, you didn’t even notice. you squeak, putting your arms back down and on your chest, trying to cover them as he chuckles again, his green eyes hooded and dark as he watches you, “hiding them from me as if— how adorable.” he shook his head.

he threw you his shirt, “go on, megs will be here soon.” you wear the shirt, the fabric big on you, the musky smell filling your senses again. you couldn’t face megumi now, not in his dad’s shirt.

toji chuckles, moving his hand through his hair as he clicks his tongue, “don’t think he can see you like this can he? or would you want that?”

your cheeks grow red, and you nibble on your bottom lip as you shake your head.

he sighs, “come down to the garage after you put your pants on. or don’t, that’s even better.” he leaves the room with a chuckle.

what did you just do?

•••••••••••••••••••

taglist? @medusa1111 (@itadaklmasu cuz your reply said part 2 heh) @emilykcoxx @calamariie (cuz you guy replied to part 1, hope you like this too <3)

© all content belongs to e-jaegerenthusiast, do not repost or copy any of my work

[margarethx]

I honestly believe that almost every trope that commonly appears in Sambucky stories gets better or at least more intriguing if you switch the roles when you decide who does what.

The most obvious example: “Sam takes care of Bucky”. Like... yeah. It can be nice and it’s in character for Sam to be very caring or protective. Sure. But also: no one ever took care of Sam throughout his entire MCU career and he’s not the type of person who would even ask for that help in the first place. Meanwhile Bucky is also known for being very helpful, so he should easily notice that Sam has a problem and do everything to fix it. That way you give Bucky some more agency so he’s not a helpless emo boi who can barely exist on his own... And you give Sam some love and caring affection he deserves after the last four+ years of his life. (Ideally they’d both put the equal amount of effort into making their partner feel happy, but I'm not sure everyone is ready for this revolutionary concept...)

Another example: “Bucky really wants to adopt a cat, but Sam doesn’t let him”. As if Sam Wilson wouldn’t just come back home bringing another injured bird every week. As if! You cannot convince me that Sam doesn’t help some helpless crows recover in his garage, trying to sneak behind Bucky’s back, because Bucky had enough of finding feathers in his cereal. So obviously Sam could be the first one to casually come home with Figaro and be like: “well... since you don’t like birds I have this little guy :)”. (Give Bucky a month or two and he’ll not only learn to love their new cat, but also go get Alpine without hesitation.)

Also: “Bucky cannot sleep and he has nightmares”. I mean... he still has them, but I feel like a lot of people forget that his entire life changed for the better during tfatws. He found new family and actual partner he trusts. He has home, he made amends, he can make his own choices without constantly feeling like he’s tethered to the past. He still has issues, for sure, but it’s a steady way upwards. Meanwhile Sam’s life has been getting more and more complicated since 2014. In just four years he went from a normal citizen to an Avenger, to a prisoner, to a fugative, to being dead. He lost Steve and seven years he could have spent with his family. I don’t mean to say that Bucky being more used to getting hurt makes his suffering less relevant, but he already hit the rock bottom and is now on his way to heal and be really happy. But Sam just cannot get a break to deal with all of that. Especially now that he’s Captain America. So I really believe he would have a lot of trouble with sleeping without nightmares after all the loss and stress he went through. What I mean is that... Bucky already reached the point where he can (in theory) get better and e.g. get a full night of sleep. But Sam is still on his way there.

I can go on. Bucky really misses Steve? How about: he doesn’t care, because they weren’t even that close after 1940s, but Sam misses Steve a lot since they’ve spent most of their time together (especially after 2016). Sam is the confident one, who’ll always make the first step? How about: Bucky is not that insecure and he’s actualy the more brave one in the relationship, so he’ll take a risk and confess. Etc, etc...

--- ----- ---

Anyway... I know that part of the appeal of fanfiction is that you can go over your favourite tropes and just re-read the same thing over and over again even if you always know what will happen next. But I would love to see more people at least trying to change things up a little bit sometimes. But not in a “make these characters completely different people” way. But more in a “what else can I do with these characters and do I care about them equally?” way.

To be clear: there’s nothing wrong with using popular tropes. At all. But most of the time these tropes are designed for Bucky’s benefit. And for people who actually like Sam it can get kind of... boring.

(The bonus for you, as an author, is that your story will stand out and be more memorable once you ditch the most obvious solutions everyone chooses. There is a reason why many of the most recognizable Sambucky writers are the ones who love both characters equally.)

[teddy06writes]

sorry to request yet another one, but you are such an amazing writer. Could I possibly have a romeo and juliet type story where reader is sleepybois sibling and is in love with either poly dream team (dream,George,sapnap) or just george xx

dream x george x sapnap x reader + sleepy boys x sibling!reader

trigger warnings: swearing, yelling, character death, Wilbur being a dumbass

premise: you are one of Philza’s children, and have fought for L’manburg’s independence, we follow your secret romance with the enemy, of course, this tragedy knows no happy ending

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You carefully dropped down over the side of the L’manburg wall, ducking into a roll before standing up and dusting yourself off, starting to sneak away.

A hand clamps around your forearm, pulling you around the side of a tree.

You hold back a yelp, instead turning with a smile, whispering, “Mr. Sapnap we simply must stop meeting like this.”

“And what? You’d have us march through your gates announcing ourselves to your brothers, I think not.” Nick chuckled.

“Well, I suppose that would put a damper on things.” You grinned, pressing a kiss to his lips.

He fit your hand into his, pulling you along as you started for where the others would be waiting, “Especially when they are so against our dear Dream.”

“To be fair, he was against us.” You argued.

“But no more.” The man himself pointed out, stepping out of the shadows, rising his mask enough to press a kiss to your knuckles.

“Because we continued to fight? or Because you wanted an excuse to talk to me without it being over a declaration of war?”

“I believe it was because Tommy gave up his disks,” George offered, leaning in to place a kiss on your cheek, “Hello dearest.”

You sighed, “Phil gave him those disks. They were one of the only things to survive the blast.”

Behind the mask you could tell Dream’s face fell, and he started to turn away, “I- we did what we thought was right.”

“Blowing up my country was what you thought was right?” You challenged, crossing your arms, “You even had the audacity to cheer as my head was separated from my body by the sheer force.”

“Here we go again.” George muttered.

“We didn’t know you then! Things have changed! You and your people are free now!”

“That does not change our history.” You said indigently.

“What about when Sapnap burned the forests? That’s part of your history too yet we don’t see you yelling at him!” Dream exclaimed.

You sighed, “The forests were replanted with his help, and he has shown remorse, and regret over his actions.”

Surprisingly Dream wrapped his arms around you, pulling you flush against his chest, “If that is what I takes to gain your trust, then I am sorry. I hope my past mistakes do not haunt you any longer.”

Reluctantly you wrapped your arms around him, smiling as the other boys joined the embrace.

After a few moment Dream pulled away, “c’mon, we may even have time for a proper date.”

~~

“An election?” You questioned, “But your already the president.”

Wilbur grinned, “But I put myself in that position, if we do it this way everything is fair!”

You glanced down at the papers littering his desk, “Wil I don’t see how this makes things fair, I mean,” You picked up the note book where he’d been witting makeshift ballots, “Closing the ballots early? The people will only have one option! How is that fair?”

“Actually, I’m running as well.”

You turned to see Quackity entering the office, “You? You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

The man frowned, “Well, I figure if Wilbur here gets a chance to do it fair why shouldn’t I?”

“We’ll be able to beat him easily.” Your brother quietly assured you.

~~

“You alright love? You seem stressed.” Nick said quietly.

You sighed looking up at the sky, “Wilbur plans to hold an election. He believes we can over take Quackity and Swag 2020, but now Fundy and Niki have made there own party as well.”

George turned, propping himself up on his elbow, “That doesn’t sound good. If he’s already in charge why does he need to be re elected?”  

“We put him on the throne, Tommy, Tubbo, Niki, Fundy and I. He wishes to be there fairly with the support of the people.”

Dream hummed, “Do you think he could win?”

“It’s possible,” You sighed, leaning back against Nick, “But campaigns have been tricky, Tommy managed to dig up Jshlatt. They though he could help, but now he’s trying to make a claim to having a spot on the ballot.”

“I thought he was dead.” George said.

You laced your fingers through his, “Well now he’s just a drunk who’s running for president. God I hope it was just a joke.” You muttered the last part.

The boy shared glances, Nick hazarding, “What happens if someone else wins?”

“Well, I suppose it wouldn’t change much for me, technically I hold no office other than managing my brothers and the campaign, it’d shift me further out of public eye, but, I think Wilbur wouldn’t handle it well.”

Dream began to trace shapes into your open palm, “Well, with you in charge of the campaign I doubt your brother will fail.”

You smiled, “Let’s hope so.”

A few hours later, as the sun began to disappear beyond the hills of L’manburg you stood up from the picnic, bidding your lovers farewell, “Wilbur’s meeting starts soon, and I’ll be missed.”

After a few traded kisses you started back through the woods toward L’manburg, sneaking back in through a gap that had never been fixed in the wall, pausing at your house to change back into your L’manburg uniform before hurrying off to the white house.

“Your late!” Tommy called sharply as you entered Wilbur’s office.

“I lost track of time working on the last of the posters.” You pulled the rolled up tubes of paper from the bag you’d grabbed at the house as well.

Wilbur took the tubes as Tommy looked at you skeptically, “Yeah, doing that and what else?”

“Well I was talking to Phil today telling him about the election,” You sat down next to Tubbo, “But not much else.”

Wilbur sighed, dropping a flyer on the table, “We have more important notion to discuss, it would seem that Shlatt is serious about this.”

You grabbed the flyer, looking over the bolded, ‘Shlatt 2020′ and then back at Wilbur, “This can’t be real. I thought you closed the ballot.”

“The people favor him enough to allow him a spot on the ballot.” Tubbo sighed.

“We still stand a chance though,” Tommy said quickly turning to Wilbur, “Right Wil?”

Your older brother hesitated, wavering for a moment, before nodding, “Yes. Yes of course.”

~~

“(y/n) I must ask you some thing.” Wilbur said as the meeting ended and Tommy and Tubbo headed out.

“Yeah?”

“Why do you sneak out?” Your breathing hitched but he continued, “Who are you meeting? What are you hiding? Who do you talk too from- from the SMP lands?” His voice turned to acid at the last words.

“I don’t go anywhere, outside L’manburg. Other than for walks in the forest on occasion.” You lied.

Wilbur examined your face, as if searching for something, “Fine then. Don’t tell me, I will find out sooner or later.”

He strode out of the room, leaving you to pull out your com tablet, privately messaging Dream, ‘it might be a bit before I can see you guys again’

‘:(’

You rolled your eyes quickly typing, ‘Wils getting suspicious, I’m just trying to keep you safe’

‘george also says :(’ Was all you received in reply, so you quickly put the tablet away, heading out of the office and out to the street.

You took a deep breath, looking back at the podium, ballots would be collected tomorrow, and then everything could change.

~~

“Last night, before the last of the ballots were collected, Mr. Quackity of the SWAG 2020 party made an agreement with Mr. Jshlatt of the SHLATT 2020 campaign, that if neither party won the popular vote, they would combine there votes, creating a collation.” WIlbur announced.

From your place to the side of the stage you froze, fear coursing through your veins.

“And so, the combined percentages of SWAG 2020 and SHLATT 2020, bring the coalition to 46% of the popular vote.”

Your heart pounded in your ears, feeling Tommy freeze beside you.

“Which means, the coalition government of SWAG and SHLATT 2020, have won the L’manburg election, by 1%.”

The world seemed to slow as parts of the crowd erupted into cheers, Quackity jumped around on the stage yelling as Wilbur slowly moved away from the podium, out of the corner of your eye, near the back of the stands you see your boyfriends all looking down, but you paid them no mind, instead looking Shlatt dead in the eye as he grinned maliciously at you, before turning to address the crowd.

Wilbur tugged you and Tommy away from the stage, “We’re citizens tonight.”

Shlatt leaned over the podium as you took seats near the front of the crowd, “Well that, was pretty easy.”

You felt your brothers grip your hands, as you stared up at Shlatt.

“You know what I said when I announced this campaign? I said ‘things are gonna change’ I looked every citizen of L’manburg in the eye and I said ‘you listen to me... this place will be a lot different tomorrow.”

He smirked down at you, “So let’s start making that happen. My first decree as president of L’manburg- as EMPEROR! Of this great country!”

Your breathing hitched, “Is to revoke citizenship-! Of TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot, and (Y/n)! Get them out of here!”

Suddenly it seemed as though every weapon in the city was trained on you as Tommy dragged you up out of your seat.

Wilbur was yelling at you to run, but you remained frozen on the spot, turning to look at the podium one last time before following your brothers, only a few steps behind, most of the crowd beginning to disperse

Some one practically screamed your name, and you turned in time for an onslaught of arrows to bury themselves in your body.

The last thing you saw before crumpling to the ground was Dream, Nick and George rushing toward you.

Shlatt strode off the stage, trying to move closer to your body only to be blocked by Dream’s outstretched sword.

He peered around where George had flung himself over you, “I want them out of here as soon as they respawn.”

~~

You woke to someone pressing a damp cloth to your forehead, and excruciating pain spreading throughout your body.

Your eyes flicked open, looking around at the cave you found yourself in, in confusion. When you tried to sit up a gentle hand pushed you back down, “Don’t, you only respawned fully a day ago, you're too weak for that.”

“What’re you doing here?” You groaned.

Technoblade chuckled, “I heard someone say rebellion.”

You looked at him confused for a moment before he elaborated, “This is Pogtopia, cause apparently Wilbur can’t go more than a few months without establishing a new country. Tommy found the cavern after they were ran out of L’manburg. Tubbo is working with Shlatt to hunt you guys down, and Wilbur is trying to start a plan to get the country back.”

“How’d I get here? my bed is all the way in L’manburg.”

Techno grabbed one of the baked potatoes he’d brought up to your room, offering it to you, “That’s the thing I was meanin to ask ya, is there a reasonable explanation as to why it was the Dream Team who brought your body back here? All dramatic and not wantin to leave?”

You face flushed and you turned your head away from him, “It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time.” You brother said, moving to lean back against the wall.

You giggled nervously, “I guess it technically started when L’manburg was still fighting for independence...”

You told him of the strange glances during war councils, the way Nick had stopped in his tracks when he saw the way you looked forlorn at the burning wood, the way George found ways to sneak you trinkets signed ‘from someones special’, and the way you were never in any real danger during many battles.

You recalled your first real meeting with Dream after you had gained independence, the way he’d seemed so different then than at the signing of the peace treaty, the way that You’d received help replanting the forests, and the quiet still moments shared by the channel George almost unaware of your being there.

It was the first time you had really spoken about your lovers to anyone, and though it took a weight off your shoulders it added another as Techno subconsciously pulled out his axe and began to sharpen it.

“They wouldn’t hurt me, and the conflict that we shared was between the SMP Lands and L’manburg, not us.” You finished quietly.

Techno looked at you quizzically, “Your telling me Dream, the Dream, Mister Manhunts and smp and god among men Dream, would willingly put away his conflicts, his gains, his leverage, just for you?”

“For all of us.” You said firmly.

“That why he kept Tommy’s disks?”

“Tommy willingly gave up those disks for the country.” You muttered.

Your older brother ignored you, “That why he openly endorsed Shlatt as soon as your back was turned?”

You froze, pushing yourself to sit up, even as it made your head spin, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Shlatt’s key endorsement, you know, the endorsement given to the guy who was suppose to endorse Wil?” He watched as your face fell, before quietly starting out of the room, “I won’t tell either of them, but if Dream loses a life cause you find out it was true, don’t look my way.”

You fished your com tablet out of the pack that was lying next to your cot, ‘we need to talk.’

~~

“(y/n)! Thank god your okay!” Nick exclaimed, throwing his arms around you.

You hugged him back before turning to face Dream, “Why did you endorse Shlatt?”

He opened his mouth to say something but you cut him off, “And I don’t want a denial or an excuse, or- or any of that. I just want to know why you did it. Why you didn’t tell me?”

Shakily Dream pulled off his mask, looking you in the eye, “I didn’t mean to do anything that would hurt you. Technically I never publicly endorsed him, he took a piece of advice and ran with it to the people. If I had known he was going to do that I would’ve never talked to him in the first place. If I had known he was going to exile you, if he was going to take one of your lives I would have killed him where he stood with no hesitation.”

The mask shook his hand, and George gently took it from him, lacing there fingers together encouragingly.

“I know I fucked up talking to him but if he goes near you, or tries to get you exiled further, or anything like that, he’ll be dead. I- I will do what it takes to help you get L’manburg back.”

You bit your lip, still partially holding on to Nick, “Why did you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to add to the stress.”

“Also, you said Wilbur was getting suspicious, and you stopped talking to us for two days.” George pointed out.

You nodded, quietly rubbing at your eyes, “Uh, yeah, uh, so Techno knows.”

Nick stiffened, “What?”

“Technoblade knows about this- uh- us.”

“T- Technoblade, your brother, as in, The Technoblade, Mister violence, and blood god and technoblade never dies,  knows about us?” George gulped.

“He only threatened Dream, so don’t worry?” You said sheepishly.

Nick chuckled, “Wonderful, that means we get out with our heads and Dream gets to fight to the death.”

“I don’t see how that’s fair.” Dream pouted.

“Maybe I just thought it better to threaten you cause I know if I tried to take the other ones you’d come for me anyway.” Techno said, striding into the clearing.

The boys sat there looking at him for a moment before he sighed, turning to you, “You better get back inside ‘fore Wil goes insane. An’ you guys better clear out before Tommy sees you and goes berserk.”

Reluctantly your boyfriends nodded, quickly muttering goodbyes and leaving, only slightly in fear of Techno, and you turned to your brother with a sigh, “He can’t keep me locked up forever.”

“He’s worried. Paranoid even, thinks Shlatts gonna send someone to kill you again,” Techno explained, guiding you back towards one of the entrances of the cavern, “The stress is getting to him.”

~~

The days spent in Pogtopia began to blend together, the only memorable ones being the ones that were spent sneaking out and seeing your lovers, though you never excepted to see one of them within the cavern itself.

You had come down one of the narrow walkways of your new home, and when Tommy had grabbed your wrist, hissing “Dream is here! And he’s going to help Wilbur blow up L’manburg!” you were not nearly prepared to see him handing Wilbur a rather large bag.

Wilbur grinned wickedly, “This is perfect.”

“Wilbur,” Your little brothers voice was shaking, “Give me that tnt.”

Dream drew his sword, holding it up almost lazily in Tommy’s direction, “I’m going to have to step in on this one Tommy.”

You could see him smirking under the mask as you pushed Tommy behind you, “Wilbur what are you doing?”

“What needs to be done.” He said coldly, “If I can’t have Manburg no one can have Manburg!”

“And you think blowing up our home is the right move?” You said cautiously.

There was something different in Wilbur’s eyes, “No survivors.”

Techno watched this from his spot on the wall, “Wilbur I think we need to have a discussion, things like this take time to plan. (Y/n) why don’t you escort our guest out.”

You nodded sharply, starting towards the back of the cavern, “This way green boy.”

As soon as you got outside the cave you grabbed his wrist, shoving him against the rock wall, “What the fuck are you thinking?”

The now lopsided mask reviled his cocky smirk, “Shouldn’t this be the other way around?”

“Shut the fuck up! What are you thinking?”  You hissed.

“I’m helping you get back your L’manburg!” He sounded all too happy about it.

“By siding with him? He’s gone manic Clay! He’s fucking insane!”

Dream winced at the words, “He’s your brother. You have to side with him.”

“My brother is gone. I side with that man because I am loyal to my family, so long as Techno and Tommy are with him I am. If there was ever a time for you two to ever get along it would not be this.” You backed away from him.

“(y/n), I’m just trying to help.”

“I know,” You said softly, turning back to the cave entrance, “I’ll see you soon.”

~~

“Wars tomorrow.” George said quietly.

You nodded, carding your hand through his hair, “That it is.”

The month had passed quickly, and after the incident at the festival, and then Quackity’s meeting with Shlatt you seemed to have blinked and the eve of war was upon you.

You had snuck out, now spending your last night before the world changes again with your boys, huddled up together in one of the castles parapets. (It had been quite a shock to you when Dream dethroned Eret)

“We will be on different sides, how will this even play out?” Nick asked.

“Only time will tell.”

Dream, mask long since forgotten to the side, bit his lip, “(y/n), George, I want you to stay out of the fighting.”

“We can handle ourselves.” You argued.

“It’s George’s job to stay neutral, and you’re on your last life. None of us want to lose you.” He said softly, looking over Nick’s head at you.

“I will fight for my country. No one will stop me.”

“Even if Phil came back and told you not too?” Nick asked with a chuckle.

“Well-” You laughed, “I suppose it would depend.”

A while later, you began to head back to Pogtopia, your boys insisting on walking you back.

Upon reaching the cave you kissed each of them, “Until we see what tomorrow brings.”

They gave similar goodbyes, and you darted back into the cavern.

Coming around the corner someone grabbed your wrist, tugging it hard, and you came face to face with Wilbur, “Where the fuck were you?”

“uh- o- out.” You stuttered.

“Out with your boyfriends?” He taughtened, dragging you down through the cavern, past the new rooms that had been carved out recently, “When were you planning on telling us of this little fling?”

“What are you talking about?” Tears sprung to your eyes.

“Oh I know all about you and Dream and Sapnap and George! You and your fucking betrayal! Why the fuck would you try to betray me? I’m your brother!” He exclaimed, practically throwing you into a newly constructed cage.

You dug your nails into your palms, “Wilbur, please.”

“I know it was them who disconnected the TNT, who you keep sneaking out to meet, who you were conspiring against me with!” He locked the cage and you caught a glimpse of Techno, leaning against a wall looking down.

“Wil I never conspired against you!”

“We’ll see about that.” He hissed, “You’ll stay here until this is over. I may fail at regaining my L’manburg but I will not fail to kill those men.”

As he strode away you looked to Techno, “Techno what’s going on?”

“I’m sorry.” Was all he managed before hurrying away.

Tears began to stream down your cheeks as you looked around the abandoned alcove of the cavern, there was no getting out of this.

Quietly you pulled your com tablet from your sleeve, sending a messege to Phil, ‘dad I need help, Wil’s gone insane’

~~

You leaned against the bars of the cell, Pogtopia’s few members had long since left for the battle, and you were still here, trapped where Wilbur had left you, none of your boyfriends were responding to your pings, feeling utterly hopeless.

“(y/n)?” A yell echoed through the cavern.

“Phil!” You called desperately, “I’m in here!”

A few moments later your adoptive father appeared in the doorway, shocked upon seeing the locked cage and your tear stained cheeks, “(y/n).”

You nodded as he quickly began to work at the lock, pulling you into an embrace as soon as the cage opened.

“Dad,” You hiccupped, fighting back a new wave of tears, “He’s insane! He’s gonna try to blow up Manburg again! And he’s gonna try to kill them!”

“Who is?” He asked gently.

“Wilbur! He’s gone mad!”

Phil pulled away from you to look you in the eyes, “Are you sure?”

You nodded, sniffling.

Phil took a deep breath, looking around, “Okay, you get down to where they’re fighting, you try to keep Wilbur distracted once it’s over, I’ll try to think of something to stop the tnt.”

You nodded, quickly forcing yourself up, running out of the cavern.

You hurried through the woods, pushing yourself to go faster, making it to the crest of the hill as people flooded out of the van, cheering, people of Pogtopia, L’manburg and the SMP lands alike.

You charged down the hill, not seeing Wilbur standing to the side.

“Dream! Sapnap! George!” You yelled.

They turned to see you running at them, relived to see you okay, still not understanding the cryptic things Wilbur had been saying.

“(Y/n)-” Dream was cut off a yet another arrow planted its self in your back.

“Love?” You whispered, before crumpling to the ground.

They rushed forward, but it was too late, you were gone, and George early screamed, burring his face in an expressionless Nick’s shoulder.

Dream looked up at Wilbur, whos cross bow was still raised, utterly broken, “What the fuck have you done?”

[sunshine-on-my-mind]

Home, finally

one-shot

pairing: Andy Barber x Reader

description: Andy find comforts in someone when almost the whole world is against him. The bond grows stronger between them.

Words: 4.9k

Warnings: ANGST!! Fluff, Emotional infidelity (??), age gap (not specified) talk of divorce, crying, broken marriage.

a/n: I have worked hard on this one, hope you all like this, do reblog if you enjoy reading this. Any feedback is appreciated. This is my second work so I am not even sure if I am doing an okay job but I somehow got this idea and just wanted to write about it.

i do not own the characters Andy, Jacob and Laurie.

PLEASE DO NOT COPY MY WORK OR POST IT ANYWHERE.

I made the moodboard and the divider.

The knock on the door brings back Andy to reality, in a way it saves him from his thoughts. “Sir, are you busy?” her voice calms him, he asks her to come in. “Sir, it’s pretty late, maybe you should call it a day?” It is pretty late, how did it slip his mind? Maybe because his mind is a hollow place right now and ironically filled with so many thoughts.

“Right it’s late, I was actually going through these files” he picks up the file closest to him “Those?” she worries about him, she approaches his desk. “Yeah these, i-“ she interrupts him “Sir, that has been solved at least a month ago”. Andy doesn’t know what to say, well it’s not like he needs to say anything, she understands. Even though Y/n has been his assistant just for a year, she has learned a lot about the respectable ADA Andy Barber. Although the recent turn of events have changed everything. With his son, Jacob been accused of murder and the trial going on, Andy is hardly himself. Each passing day he seems to lose himself gradually and everything else. She genuinely cares about his well-being.

After a minute of silence Andy looks at her, “You should have left, it’s pretty late.”

She smiles. Such a warm smile, Andy feels good for a second, that smile seems like sunshine filled with hope, a reassuring smile.

“I wouldn’t be a very good assistant if I would leave when my boss is working so late, right?”

“I am sorry I didn’t even check the time” The truth is he doesn’t want to check the time, he feels like a failure, and going home will just remind him that. Is it his home anymore though? Doesn’t feel like it.

“You should go home now Y/n”

“What about you? It’s pretty late you should go home too.”

“I think I’ll stay here a little longer”

“I- I don’t want to leave you alone”

Andy doesn’t know how to react, recently he has been so stressed, so self-critical that one ounce of kindness and care seems unbelievable to him. But she, she cares for him, besides being a great assistant, she is a kind and supportive human. Andy thought she may leave the job as his assistant, but she didn’t, sometimes her words ring in his mind - ‘everything will be alright’. Sometimes he just re-plays that in his head.

“Alright then” Andy gives a barely there smile, “I’ll wrap up everything and then we can leave together” She nods and goes out of his cabin to wait for him. Andy is about to leave when his phone rings. It’s Laurie.

“Yeah” Andy says. On the other side, Laurie asks about him being late, says she is scared and nervous and Andy is being very irresponsible. “Listen I got caught up” He tries to stay calm. Laurie scoffs saying what can be more important than his son and his trial. “What do you think I am doing huh? All I do is think about Jacob, try to investigate things on my own as much as I can, I constantly worry about him okay? I may not be the best husband but I try my best to be a good father. I am trying everything I can.” He almost yells. Y/n can hear the muffled voice from outside. Before huffing and hanging up the call, Laurie doesn’t fail to mention that he should have been a better father. He bangs his fist loudly on the desk, he cannot take it more, he- “Sir? are you okay?” she comes without knocking, she got scared. Andy stares at her. “Do I- do I look okay? no. Am I okay? no. Does it matter? no.” He says a bit loud, she stands near the door. “Sir, I-I just want to help. I am sorry” and with that Andy tells her to leave, before she could say anything he repeats himself. “Go home Y/n” She nods and leaves his office.

She is standing outside, trying to book a cab, it’s difficult to find one now, it’s pretty late, it’s too dark to walk home alone. She is trying to think of a solution when Andy comes and stands next to her. “You don’t have a car I know, I’ll drop you” she has to take up this offer even though she doesn’t want to trouble him anymore.

The car ride was silent. When they are almost close to Y/n’s house Andy finally breaks the silence, “I am sorry, I am sorry for snapping at you, I shouldn’t have, I know you’re just trying to help, I lost my cool and I shouldn’t have.”

“It’s alright Sir, I understand.” why does she? Why does she understand? When almost everything is going wrong, when he feels so alone, why is there? She shouldn’t have to deal with him and his messed up life. She can get a better job, and a better boss.

“So that’s me” she says, Andy stops the car.

She hesitates to ask the next thing, she shouldn’t overstep but she just can’t see her boss like this, he seems miserable. “Sir, I am very sorry if I am overstepping but um- would you like to come in? Have some tea? Or-“ "Is there something with alcohol?” he looks at her. “I may have a couple of beers. And I have some wine, not something fancy though” Andy says that will work. So there he is at his assistant’s house having a glass of wine. Surprisingly enough it doesn’t feel awkward, in fact the atmosphere is pretty calm.

“I am sorry that I can’t be more helpful sir, I understand you are going through a lot but please have some faith, everything will be alright.” Andy can’t help but be in awe with her right now. “You are doing so much, you have no idea. I cannot thank you enough.”

“Sir please don’t thank me, I am trying to be a good assistant, I understand things are difficult and maybe not a lot of people are in your corner right now but I am. I have faith that things will be better soon. I am here for you.” He can cry any moment now, with his life being a complete mess, with him feeling so alone, Y/n is giving him hope. The moment is interrupted by Laurie’s call. Andy just picks up the call and stays quiet. Y/n can hear all the screaming and yelling from the other side. Andy just listens. “I am sorry but I am not coming back tonight, just give me this night, please.” He hangs up. Y/n doesn’t know what to say. “Don’t worry, I’ll go back to the office and spend the night there.” She cannot let him stay alone, it doesn’t feel right “You should stay here tonight, the only problem is that you will have to sleep on this couch.” Andy too doesn’t want to leave, but he doesn’t want to trouble her. As if she can read his mind, she immediately says “It’s alright, I’d be happy to know that you’re not alone tonight.” It’s true, after a long time he doesn’t feel alone, he isn’t alone tonight.

“I know I am being selfish, I know I should be with my family but I need just one night off you know? I am going crazy and if I go back tonight chances are it’s going to be a yelling competition between me and my wife and that won’t be good for anyone, especially Jacob.” He finishes the rest of the wine. “I am not saying my wife isn’t going through a lot too, but even if it is selfish I just need one night, a little time, I-I-“ he cannot finish his sentence before breaking down into tears. He hides his face with his hands and just keeps on crying. Y/n thinks about rubbing his back and soothing him but hesitates. She shouldn’t but she wants to, she cannot see him like this. She gently, very gently places her hand on his back. He is shaking. She can feel it, she can feel all his pent up emotions and stress slowly being let out with those tears. “Sir, as much as I hate to see you cry, sometimes it helps to let out pent emotions, it’s okay, let it out, I am here” Andy cannot stop crying, her words affecting him. Her hand radiating warmth.

After about two minutes, he looks at her, she gradually removes her hand and places it on the couch beside him, making sure not to touch him, he misses the contact of her hand but doesn’t say anything. He wants to say so many things right now but he doesn’t, just says, “Call me Andy, at least outside work.”

“I just want you to know you’re not being selfish, I am seeing you work hard everyday, trying your best, as you said I am sure your wife is going through a lot too, so is your son but then again so are you. You all need to stay functional too and for that do not let all those thoughts take over you. So recharge your self tonight, get some sleep, you have to fight a little longer unfortunately but I have a strong feeling the results at the end will be good. Just hang in there.”

Andy holds her hand. “Thank you for letting me stay and everything else. I am grateful to have someone as kind as you by my side.” She is about to stand up when she realises he is still holding her hand. As if on cue, he leaves her hand, he didn’t want to, she too misses the contact. How can she? What is she thinking? No, no this is nothing but her calming down her boss who is extremely troubled right now. He should sleep now and so should she. Andy too doesn’t exactly understand what is happening, all he knows is that her presence is calming him. Her presence feels like- feels a lot like home. “Alright then, good night, sleep well.” she stands up, about to leave. “Good night Y/n” Is her name actually that good or is it him saying it that makes it so much better. It’s better not to think about it.

“Thank you” Andy thanks y/n for the coffee. The trial is coming to an end in some days and after a long time things are looking minutely positive for them, with Andy’s dedication and to some extent desperation, and with y/n being there as a reliable assistant, they were able to get some evidence that proved to be helpful. Even though y/n has been his assistant for quite some time, after that night, they have grown closer. Andy who used to keep all his worries to himself, gradually let his guard down in front of y/n. They have become friends. He knows he can rely on her, she knows he is trustworthy. “You’re welcome Sir” she smiles.

“Hey y/n?” she turns back and faces him. “Are you free after work today? I was thinking we could go grab some food at the diner? My treat.” She looks confused. “Is there an occasion Sir? It’s not your birthday I know that.” Andy cannot help but smile.

“No I just wanted to give you a treat, after everything you have done for me. I thought this can be like a small gesture of appreciation.”

“Sir the fact that you thought about this gesture is more than enough, I am sure you’re busy with the trial coming to an end, I wouldn’t want to take up your time.”

“Well I am not busy, and you deserve a little break too, you have been working hard, so let’s go to the diner if you’re free. I know you like milkshakes.”

She smiles, he remembers? She may have said once or twice that she loves milkshakes. “Well I can’t say no to milkshakes, alright then.” Andy nods to that.

“This burger is so good.” Y/n said with food in her mouth. Andy chuckles at that. She is so cute. “I am glad you like it.” she nods and slurps her milkshake. Andy has a constant smile on his face, he is happy to see her so happy with just burgers and milkshakes. Y/n is happy, definitely because of the tasty food but mainly because of this gesture. She won’t admit how much this actually, truly means to her. “So Y/n you’re such a good assistant, you know a lot about me, but look at me I haven’t even tried to get to know you much.” She looks up while slurping her milkshake. “No sir-“ He corrects her about calling him by his name. “Sorry, Andy you do know me, besides I have heard how bosses can be super rude and unpleasant so I think I got pretty lucky with you. You’re kind and nice and sweet. Also hey you do know I like milkshakes.” Andy has that smile plastered on his face which now morphs into a laugh. A laugh, after so many days, she smiles at that, she is seeing him laugh after a long time. “Yes I know that, but what else do you like?” She likes making him smile, not that she would say that. “I like cooking, watching movies. I have very few friends, sometimes we go out, but personally I like staying in more.” Andy nods. The next thing he is about to ask, he isn’t sure whether he should, he doesn’t want to cross a line, but somehow he really wants to know it. “Are you dating someone?” She wasn’t expecting that. “Um no, i haven’t even been on many dates actually, the last time I was supposed to have a date and I got stoop up. I have an ex but i don’t even know if he ever considered me his girlfriend. I-“ she stops midway, realizing she has babbled a lot. “I am sorry to hear that, I mean I am little shocked actually, you are so nice.” she looks at her food, fidgets with it. “Yeah well nice isn’t good enough for guys to like me. Anyway that is something I have stopped thinking about, I don’t think I’ll get anyone.” Andy cannot believe what she just said. She is wonderful, caring, sweet, funny and beautiful. how can she think like that? “You really think that? You’re so wonderful, you’re funny, you’re talented, caring, sweet and b- well you are great! really, I think what you are saying doesn’t make sense, I am sorry that you have encountered some jerks all this while but I am sure you’ll get someone who will love you, cherish you and respect you. Besides, don’t get me wrong, most guys your age are stupid.” She smiles, she doesn’t usually get so many compliments. That last line is true, maybe most guys her age are kinda stupid. Maybe someone older, someone more matured will realize her value? “That’s very kind of you Andy.” She cannot help but look at him. She admires him, a lot. Every time she starts feeling anything other than respect for him she constraints herself immediately. He is married, has a kid, and he is totally out of her league. Granted he has had some troubles recently in his marriage but she hopes everything gets solved so that he can be happy. Y/n really wants Andy to be happy. “Well maybe I am not the best person to give relationship advice, considering how my marriage has fallen apart, but I truly believe you are wonderful and deserve someone great.”

“Andy, don’t say that, with time people can grow apart and the sad part is maybe not either is at fault, it just happens. Life changes everything at times, it changes people, changes feelings. What works for someone may not for someone else. There isn’t any right or wrong relationship advice I believe. Although when people say love is complicated, I disagree with that a bit, I feel love is very simple, we make it complicated.” How is she like this? Andy admires the way she thinks.

“Again you didn’t have to drop me but thanks a lot” She is about to step out of the car when Andy calls her name and she faces him. “Look I know recently I have shared some personal information with you, and obviously we have grown closer, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. It’s just I don’t have a lot of people to talk to and you make me feel so comfortable. If you think I am crossing a line do tell me.” She gives him a reassuring smile. “Andy I am glad you can trust me.” That’s all she says. Andy looks at her, maybe he was expecting her to say something more. But she doesn’t. “Y/n i - i think I will get a divorce after the trial ends and when the situation is better. I respect Laurie too much and I know she has gone through a lot and I feel that getting divorced would be better for both of us and for Jacob too. We have fought a lot recently, and I don’t like Jacob seeing that. Plus maybe we all need a fresh start. I love my family but Laurie is now just the mother of my child. I have tried to feel more but I can’t, not anymore.” She doesn’t want to read between lines, doesn’t want to make out some other meaning behind this. She loses her train of thoughts when Andy places his hand on hers. “Y/n if you’re wondering why I am saying all this right now, then I don’t know how to answer that, maybe because I don’t know why I said it.” she is about to say something when Andy cuts her off “Or maybe I do know.” He looks into her eyes. There is so much to ask, so much to say but they choose to sit quietly in the car and look at each other. The atmosphere in the car is gradually changing. “I should go” She says, Andy removes his hand and nods. She steps out.

“Thank you An- Sir for the treat, I had a great time.” He doesn’t correct her this time. He smiles and says “Thank you for spending time with me.”

Y/n cannot stop thinking about that conversation, neither can Andy. Andy is scared he crossed the line. He cannot lose her trust, her respect. He cannot lose Y/n. Maybe he shouldn’t have said all that, maybe it was too much for her. She is not dumb she understands the situation. What does she think though, what does she feel? Andy stares at the ceiling of the guest room and keeps on thinking. It has been months since he is sleeping in the guest room. He picks up his phone, it’s late, he wants to text y/n but he doesn’t want to make things worse. What should he do. Before he can grasp his emotions his phone blinks.

It’s a text. From Y/n.

Y/n: “I am sorry for texting at this hour. I am sorry for stepping out of the car like that without saying much. I am not very smart when it comes to these things but I just want you to know that I respect you very much. I admire your work and dedication and how much you care about others. I have seen you doubt yourself as a father but if my opinion means anything to you then trust me when I say you’re an amazing father. You care a lot about your family. Sir I understand feelings may change but sometimes some relations are worth giving more time. It’s not really my place to say any of this probably but I personally don’t want you to regret something later. You were talking about a fresh start, maybe you all can take a fresh start as a family, together. Again it’s your life and I am no one to say anything. Sometimes things are better the way they are, even if the excitement of ‘what could happen’ or ‘what if’ makes us curious, it can be troublesome. Sorry if this makes you feel bad in anyway, I truly admire you and respect you for the person you are Andy.”

She has sent the message with a lot of courage. The conversation in the car changes a lot of things. It’s not that her heart didn’t skip a beat in the car when Andy said all that. But she respects him too much and doesn’t want him to make any decision that he may regret later. He is married, he has a son, he has a family. Y/n someday wants her own little family and to think that in any way she can anyway stop a family from being happy just breaks her heart. Specially Andy’s. After all his happiness means more to her than her own. After all she- well it’s not like she will admit it. Some things don’t need to be said.

Is it possible that Andy is getting more and more mesmerized by her? She is so pure, so kind. He types back the reply.

Andy: “Y/n, thank you for being so understanding, thank you for taking care of me when no one was there. I know I have thanked you before but I really cannot thank you enough. All I can say is that I am always here for you, if you ever need anything. That being said, the fresh start you are suggesting, it’s not like I haven’t thought about it. I had talked to Laurie too, we think we need a separate fresh start. I am lucky to have met you Y/n, like you said I don’t want to regret something later.”

Her heart seems a little less heavy after reading this. Wait why is she smiling like a teenager? She is blushing. She quickly sends a reply.

Y/n: “I just want you to be happy and I hope you know I am always here for you too.”

Andy: “I know you are and that makes me happy.”

Y/n: “Good night Andy. Sleep well”

Andy: “I will now, good night Y/n”

Andy loves the colour blue. A blue tie would be a great gift for him. Y/n gets a blue tie for his birthday. The Barbers are having a small get together for Andy’s birthday. Joanne, Jacob’s lawyer suggested them to seem as normal as possible, anyway the case seems to be in their favour now and the trial will end in a few days. So they shouldn’t behave like a guilty family. Andy has invited a few friends and colleagues and Y/n is invited too.

“Happy Birthday Sir!” Y/n says as she gives Andy his present. Andy thanks her and welcomes her to his house. With her here it feels a little more like home. She can make any place feel like home. He introduces her. “Jake, this is my assistant Y/n and Y/n I think you have met Laurie before.” They exchange greetings. Laurie is so beautiful. Jacob seems like a great kid. It’s very sad what he had to go through. What they all had to go through.

“Come on Dad, it’s time to cut the cake!!” Jacob ushers Andy over and asks him to blow the candles. Andy does. He wishes for Jacob’s safety and that they win the case. He had another wish but seems like that may have already been granted. He looks up at her, she is there clapping with others, but she is the only one who has been with him in this difficult phase unlike others. He cuts the cake and cuts out a small piece and feeds Jacob. That’s when it happens, Laurie kisses Andy. Andy is taken aback for a second but then he kisses her again. Right that is how married couples behave don’t they? He is still married. Then why are tears forming in Y/n’s eyes? What has she been thinking all this while? This is the reality. Andy is married and seems to have a great wife. She excuses herself and Andy doesn’t fail to notice that. He quickly goes to find her. She is standing in the lawn trying desperately to hold back the tears even though crying because of this seems so wrong.

“Y/n?” she composes herself. “Sorry sir I- I was- I got a call, had to take it, you have a great home by the way.” Andy moves closer to her but she steps back. “This doesn’t feel like a home anymore Y/n. It’s missing the warmth.” She suddenly unexpectedly snaps at him. “Really? Didn’t seem like that just few minutes ago.” Andy keeps quiet. What has she done? It’s wrong. “I am so sorry Sir I-“She gets cut off by Andy. “We are supposed to act like a loving family. Jake’s lawyer thinks that publicly we have to appear as a normal loving family since a troubled family would ruin Jacob’s image even more. There is a belief that troubled families have ill effects on kids. So we are portraying ourselves as a happy married couple but we aren’t. I don’t love her anymore Y/n. I lo-“ She stops Andy from saying anything more. “The lawyer is right. Troubled families do have ill effects on kids. Jacob has already been through a lot. You should give this another shot, Laurie seems wonderful, and she is so beautiful. You all should talk it out. Family is everything Sir, family comes first.” Andy tries to protest but she doesn’t let him. “Sir, sometimes some things just aren’t worth it. I’ll head home, happy birthday again. Goodbye.” she leaves, Andy wants to stop her but he doesn’t, right now things would get more complicated if he did. He wants to scream out, why? Why is this happening? Yes he agrees with her concern about Jacob’s well-being but he and Laurie won’t be able to stay together like a happy married couple for long, it won’t work out and that will probably affect Jacob even more. All of a sudden that ‘goodbye’ hits him. Goodbye? Is it? Did he lose her?

Y/n kept crying for two days even though she felt disgusted with herself for crying because of this. That unfortunately didn’t stop her from crying her heart out. Andy texted her, she hasn’t replied yet. Andy is so tensed he hasn’t heard from Y/n for two days. When a message arrives it shatters Andy’s heart even more. It’s not a text message, it’s an email. Her resignation letter. She says she will clean out her desk after some days. She didn’t fail to wish him luck for the end of the trial though. And finally the day comes, Jacob is proven innocent in front of law. The Barber Family is happy. Jacob hugs Andy and Andy feels good, he has been so stressed about this case, so much has happened during this time, finally all their efforts have been successful.

A series of “congratulations” and “I knew Jacob was innocent” keep on coming to them. Even though most of these people weren’t even beside them during the actual troubled time. Jacob doesn’t want to look back, neither do Andy and Laurie.

Andy receives a text. It’s Y/n “Congratulations, take care” Andy is about to call her when Jacob calls him and asks him they should go out for dinner to celebrate.

It has been two weeks. Y/n is looking for a new job. She didn’t go herself to collect the things from the office, requested a friend to go on her behalf. She too needs a fresh start. She makes her self some coffee and goes through some job openings.

A knock on the door. It’s Andy. “Can I come in please? Please.” She steps away from the door and he comes in. Andy doesn’t wait any time and gives her the paper in his hand. Divorce papers. Signed by both. “Before you say something, Jacob suggested the divorce. I love my son the most and always will, but things are different between me and Laurie. We all sat down together and had a talk and he suggested us getting a divorce before we even said that we were planning to. I was so proud to see how my son has grown so matured. He said he loves us both and he realizes that us staying together won’t make either of us happy and he wants us to be happy.” Y/n couldn’t stop her tears this time. Andy rushes closer to her takes her smaller hands in his. “Look at me please.” She does, still sobbing. “I know you deserve better, but if you give me a chance I promise I will do my best to make you happy. You make me so happy you have no idea. You feel like home Y/n. I love you so much.” She hugs him, she cannot control anymore. “I love you Andy,” Andy wraps her tightly, brings her as close as possible. She pulls apart and he wipes the tears with his thumbs. “I just didn’t want to be the reason to break your marriage. I want you to be happy.” He kisses her forehead. "I know sweetheart, I know. But you didn’t break my marriage, it was already broken, for quite some time, the recent incidents just gave me a chance to realize that. I was broken too, but you fixed me.” She looks up at him. “You make me feel so safe Andy, you feel like home too.”

He kisses her softly on the lips and both of them smile against each other’s lips. They are home, finally.

[unbreathable]

ride home  / S. Rogers

Summary : As a girl you were always told to never accept a ride from unknown men. You knew what could happen, you knew the dangers and heck, you`ve seen how it ruined some girls. But hey, he`s your teacher, nothing could happen. Right?

Pairing : Dark(soft)!teacher Steve Rogers x female Reader

Before you read, please understand that this is intended to be a dark fic. There will be noncon elements, rape, violence, manipulation and so much more. If you find any of these disturbing, please click away. 18+ only.

Warnings for this one shot : manipulation, noncon elements, rape, use of drugs, lost of virginity. This is some kind of au and Steve might be out of character a little.

Word count : 3.319

Credit : for the gif I used, the credit goes to its rightful creator.

Note : Don’t expect this to be any good. I came up with this over the course of a few hours and I’m still learning how to write one shots, as I find it much easier to write a series. Also I still suck at writing “smut”. I’m trying to perfect it, tho. Promise. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this one shot till my mind would be satisfied with the way the next chapter of “The Magpie” turned out and would let me post it. :)) Also, please excuse any mistakes I made. Have a great day you guys!

                   Also, to all the writers from this platform : thank you !

Girl found wondering around without any memory of the last few days, claims she had been abducted and raped...

Your eyes narrowed as you stared at the case which has been all over the news for the past week. It was quite predictable, really. Young girl, too drunk for her own good woke up by herself in the middle of nowhere. You sighed. In a city as big as New York, cases like this happened almost every other day, but there was always something left behind. Fight marks, blood, hair. Anything that could help the police find the person who did it. This time though, there was nothing.

The poor girl. You couldn`t help but pity her. She must be terrified. All alone against a world that knows nothing better than to judge. You pinched your nose in exasperation.

Cases like this, it`s what made you choose to study law. You wanted to be able to help other women. To offer them a chance at justice. No one deserved to be told that it was their own fault for wondering alone at night or for wearing something more showing. No girl should feel like the law protects only the male population...

“ And what`s your opinion on this matter, miss I`m too busy scrolling on my phone to pay attention to class?”

You cursed in your head, as you put your phone away and lifted your eyes to meet your teacher.

Steve Rogers. America`s hero, savior of the world and an actual pain in your ass, was looking at you expectantly. You held his gaze as you forced your lips to form some kind of smile. Something about him always put you on edge and the way his eyes darkened as he stared at you, didn`t exactly help ease the feeling.

“I`m sorry, I was distracted.” you murmured, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that he caught you unprepared. ”If you would be so kind...”

You looked at him as you raised one eyebrow. It was always like this. No matter what you did he`d always find something to pick at you. At first you took it as a form of banter between a teacher and his students, but with time it became clearly that he had a problem with you. Your grades didn`t reflect the hard work you always put in. Your extra work wouldn`t be considered. Every time you would as much as look at your watch he`d find something to jab at you. He would also have something to say about every paper you handed him. It was a miracle you even made the grade for his class.

You cringed as you remembered the comments he would make about your life outside his class. You seemed to bump into him on a daily. There was also something, in the way he watched your every move, that it made the hair at the back of your neck stay high on alert. You really couldn`t understand what you`ve done that America`s sweetheart despised you that much.

”The women rights...” he smirked down at you.

“Oh, yes. I strongly believe that women should have got their rights the same time men did.” you smiled when you realized that he wanted to add something else. “I mean we know that every society of this world was built around androcentrism, but if we`re real the women were the ones that kept everything from falling apart.” you drew in a short breath. “Oh, and I believe that 1920 was a bit late for our women to get their rights, since women all around the world fought for it since the 18th century.”

You smirked, as for once in your life the bell rang exactly when you needed it. Forcing a smile his way, you stood up gathering your notebooks. You were quite proud of yourself, not because your answer was the desired one, but because you got on professor Rogers nerves. While he didn`t seem to have a problem with women and feminists in general, he sure had a problem with the way you choose to speak on the matter. From the corner of your eye you saw his jaw twitch.

At first you were afraid to even say your opinion lest you would upset him, but now you enjoyed to see that vein on his forehead nearly pop. You held back a giggle. Oh well, at least you won`t have to see him for the next few weeks.

“Professor!” you rolled your eyes when you herd your bestfriend use her sweet voice. “I was wondering if you`d like to come to our party tonight.”

You stood straight, narrowing your eyes at the one that has been your friend since the first day you came to the city. What the hell was happening. You knew she had a crush on him, everyone did, but she wasn`t the one to just go and ask someone out, especially not him. You watched her in confusion as professor Rogers made his way to the front of the class.

“You know, with everything happening right now, the uni council would let us hold the party only if there was someone that could take care of us.”

“Oh!” you supposed that made sense, but even so why did it have to be him.

“Of course professor Barnes already said that he`ll be there, but we`d be thankful if you came too. Please!” your friend bated her eyelashes at him as you rolled your eyes.

Professor Rogers had a pleased smile as he moved his eyes from her to you. You held his gaze, even going as far as raising one eyebrow at him. He blinked, before turning his head towards the rest of the class.

“Since you asked so nicely.” he said after a short moment dismissively. ”`I`ll be there.”

There was something sinister in his eyes. Something that you failed to see as you made your way out of the lecture class.

“I can`t believe you invited him!” you playfully jabbed your friend in the shoulder as she walked next to you.

“Oh, come on! It’s just tonight, and I bet he won’t be able to stay up that late since he’s like... the same age as history?” she bit back a laugh, as she took your hand. “It will be fun, you`ll see.”

You hoped she was right since you were never a big fan of parties of any kind.

                                       _ _ _

This wasn`t fun. Not at all.

You knew you should have stayed home, yet you still wanted to enjoy the last night with your class mates before break. But this wasn`t it. The music was too loud and you couldn`t even hear what some people were saying. Also you`ve never really been a techno fan. The food was crap and you were sure everyone came just because there were free drinks.

It was well past midnight and you have been there since the beginning, but you were already dreading it. You smiled as your only joy came from watching drunk freshmen being rejected by some of your friends. The girls were ruthless and that made you proud.

“Hey girl!” your bestfriend came by your side, holding two glasses in her hands as her body danced along the rhythm of the music. “Look at was professor Rogers sent us.”

Her words were slurred and you could see that she drank already too much. That`s why at first you thought you didn`t hear her right. While it wasn`t unusual for men to send women drinks, getting a drink from your teacher was something you never thought could happen. It was wrong in a way.

“What?” your eyes widened as soon as the word left your mouth.

You eyed the glass she handed you. It seemed to be one of your favorites, and after the sour taste the beer left in your mouth, that would have been like a desert. Still something made you suspicious.

“Come on, take it!”  your friend pressed as she smiled broadly. “He must have realized that he’s been an ass all year and wants to make amends.”

She was giggling as her glossy eyes drifted around the room. She didn`t seem to be able to focus on anything, but somehow her shaky hands found yours and brought the glass you were holding closer to your mouth. You weren`t exactly sure what came over you, but you opened your mouth and let the liquid go down your throat. Involuntarily, your eyes wondered around till you saw the back of your least favorite teacher. He didn`t even seem to care about anything around him as he was engaged into a discussion with professor Barnes. That alone made you feel safe, even though the drink left a bitter taste in your mouth.

You were too quick to judge, you resonated. This was probably his way of saying: “Sorry I tormented you that much.” You suddenly giggled. It was shortly followed by your friend`s laughter. She threw the glass to the side and took your hand leading you to the dancefloor.

You weren`t that much of a dancer. You knew just some basics moves and that was it, but now you didn`t seem to care. You let your body move, and only chuckled when your legs started to feel like jelly. It was a strange feeling. You suddenly felt like were floating.

You furrowed your brows as you started to feel that your body didn`t exactly respond to your impulses. Everything around you happened in slow motion.

You cursed. Just how much did you drink? Moving one hand to your head, you tried to get your senses back, but you found it too hard to do. Your head buzzed. For a second you looked around trying to spot your friend among the sweaty bodies on the dancefloor, but it was like you couldn`t recognize anybody.

Fuck this. You had enough of this party already, and the way you felt made you decide that it was time to go home. You moved between the sea of bodies as fast as you could. Your coat and purse were the only thing you spent more than five minutes looking for, but as you found them you practically run out of there.

The bus stop wasn`t that far, but just the thought that you`ll have to go home by bus, made you want to throw up. You didn`t feel well and there was  dizziness that started to overcome you. As you watched the empty street, you cursed again. Of course you`ll have to wait till the next bus came. Damn it! You should really get your license.

The sound of a engine from behind you, made you turn your head. Your eyes narrowed as you watched the Range Rover slow down and actually stop right next to you. You squinted your eyes, trying to see through the tinted glass, but as a wave of nausea hit you, you moved your head to the side. You didn`t exactly pay attention when one of the windows went down. You didn`t really care. You felt sick, and all you wanted, was to get home.

“ I saw you left the party early.” the deep voice said. “Are you all right kitten?”

You hissed when you heard the voice of the last person you wanted to see right now. What was he even doing here? Your heart skipped a beat as another wave hit. You took a deep breath and tried to steady yourself. Just ignore him and he`ll go away. You didn`t exactly knew why you choose to act like that but there was something in your head that told you it was for the best.

“Come on girl, I have to make sure everyone is safe and sound.” you heard his voice. “If you don`t feel fine, I can take you home.”

The idea of getting home sooner and in a nice car was looking really good right now. But still, you didn`t feel like it was the best for you. You choose to keep quiet for reasons not even you knew. You glossy eyes scanned the schedule of the bus that was right in front of you. Thirty minutes and you`ll go home.

You heard professor Rogers sigh.

“And here I thought you never shut your mouth.” there was a deep chuckle, fallowed by the sound of the engine coming to life. “Look kitten I can either get you home or I`ll go my merry way and let you here all alone... well not quite. But I`m not sure you`d want that kind of company.”

Confusion filled your mind. The sudden move you made to look at him, made you dizzy. You tried to focus your eyes, in time to see him pointing to somewhere behind you. You slowly turned.

A group of guys were eyeing you like a wolf would his prey. Your mouth fell open as they did obscene gestures at you. Your whole body freeze as fear took over you. You knew what could happen. Suddenly you were more sober that ever and as you heard the car start moving, you nearly threw yourself in front of it. On shaky legs you moved towards the door.

“Wait” you find it hard to speak. “Professor, I`m sorry I... please!”

You looked at him with pleading eyes, and didn`t even register the way he smirked as you got into the car. Everything was a haze. You only felt like you could breath when the car started to gain speed. You didn`t even remembered to give him your address or anything, but as the car rolled down various streets you were only thankful you were far away from them.

“It such a crazy world out there” professor Rogers voice made you move your head towards him, but as the fear was gone, you started to feel the dizziness again.

With unfocused eyes you watched him. America`s hero was giving you a ride home for free and you were acting like he was your biggest enemy. What was wrong with you?

“I have to say I`m impressed.” he suddenly said as the car started to slow down. “That was one of the strongest drugs that you drank, and you still have some of your conscious left. The other ones were down after a few minutes.”

You looked at him and simply blinked. You wondered if your mind was playing games with you. Surely, he hadn`t said what you think you heard. You must have imagined everything.

“E... excuse me?” you asked dully.

You drew in a shaky breath as your trembling hand went to the door. He chuckled darkly at your attempts to open it. You wanted to scream but as your movement became slower and slower you found that fear wasn`t enough to fuel your limp body.

The car came to a sudden stop. You closed your eyes as you felt hands pulling you back.

“Now, now honey.” you could feel his breath on the back of your neck. “Don`t waste your energy, you`ll need it.”

You turned your head and watched him through your eyelashes. Something in your head was screaming at you to fight, to run, to get away. You wanted to punch, scratch, hurt him in any way. But your body didn`t listen.

It happened too fast. In a matter of second your dress was ripped to shreds. And your found yourself pressed to the door. He was over you in an instant. Turning your head to the side so that he could stare into your eyes. He had a hungry look on his face. You`ve seen it many times but it never terrified you as much as now.

“Just as pretty as I imagined.” he said in a husky voice.

You squeezed your legs as you felt his hand moving around along your body. He tugged at your bra till the clasps snapped. Your nipples stood erect, you didn`t know if it was from the cold of the car or the heat that was inside you. One of his hands came forward at pinched at your nipples. You made to move, but as sensing your intention he tugged your head back by your hair.

“Don`t you even dare!” he growled as his thumb played with one of your nipples. “I waited a long time for this”.

He leaned forward kissing down your stretched neck. His mouth was hot against your skin. You gasped when you felt his tongue leaving wet traces along your collarbone. He tugged at your hair one more time before his hand went down.

“Always dressing like this world is your own runaway, always thinking that you know it all.” he let out a moan as he squeezed your ass. “Do you know what a face as pretty as yours and an attitude like that do to a man?”

You whimpered. You never meant to catch his attention in that way, you just wanted to feel good about yourself. You wanted to tell him that. To tell him that you were sorry, but your brain didn`t work anymore. There was no reaction even as he spanked you. You felt like you could pass out every second.

“Don`t even think about it!”

You closed your eyes when your panties were soon the same as your other clothes. Slick was going down your legs. Despite everything, you were aroused.

“So fucking wet already. Good girl!” he praised.

You felt his hand descend down to your very core, proding around. You bit your lips as tears filled your eyes.

“How many have been here before?” he gave a low chuckle the same time his fingers pinched your button.

“One?” he mocked as one of his long fingers entered you.

You held back a gasp. Non, no, no. This wasn`t happening. Nobody touched you like that before. Nobody even came close to it. That`s not how you wanted it not how you dreamt it would happen. You wanted dinner, roses, a man you loved... not him.

“Two?” he continued as another finger stretched you.

You felt your walls clench around his fingers, as he moved them in and out ou you, everything while his thumb circled your most sensitive part.

“Fuck... you`re tight!” his breath was ragged, it was like he couldn`t get enough.

There was a sudden pause. In a quick move you found yourself pressed to the door of the car, as he angled your body to have better access to your burning core. He drew in a breath.

“A virgin.” he moaned.

You closed your eyes as you herd him playing at his clothes. The sudden hardness you felt proding around your core, made you shiver. You didn`t dare to look back and see it. You were scared. It seemed too big. You were afraid it would split you in a half.

You screamed when he entered you. The pain blurred your vision. Your whole body ached and tears fell down your cheeks. No, no, no. You bit back a moan of pain when he started to move, not caring about you at all. His moves were rough, punishing.

“Shhh doll, I`ll take care of you.” he rasped. “You must have waited so long for this... saving yourself for me.”

Your body moved in rhythm with his. His cock dragged along your walls as every move sent a wave of pain through you. Soon though, you found the pain disappeared. A strange feeling took over you. It was almost pleasurable. You guessed you would have enjoyed it under any other circumstances. But now? Now you were just tired.

As you passed out, you failed to notice the feeling of something warm flowing through you.

                                          _ _ _

Steve smiled down at your sleeping form. So pretty, even after being used like that. You had a glow. Too bad you might not remember anything that happened. He chuckled. It`s a  good thing he planned to keep you. He`ll make sure you`ll never forget him.

You were his girl after all. The only reason he took that shitty job as a teacher.