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redgoldsparks · 2 days ago

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February Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut. You might notice the layout image looks different! I have switched to using the Storygraph wrap up :)

The Baker and The Bard by Fern Haught

A sweet, slight fantasy story focused on friendship. A baker and her friend, an aspiring bard, go on a little adventure into the forest looking for a specific type of mushroom. On the way they encounter some misunderstood magical creatures, a nonbinary fey, and only the smallest amounts of danger and conflict. The gentleness of the story makes it appropriate for, and I believe aimed at, a fairly young audience, definitely middle grade or early reader rather than YA.

I Shall Never Fall in Love by Hari Conner

This is a witty, well-written queer romance set in the mid-1800s, England. The story borrows heavily from Emma while still feeling like its own fresh tale, especially because of the inclusion of characters of color, queer characters, and a gender-nonconforming love interest. I was rooting for Eleanor and George all the way; both rooting for them to get together and also rooting for them to find the space to know themselves and express that authentically around the people they love! The art in this book is stunning, with beautiful colors, and so much thoughtful historical research went into the design of the houses, costumes, and world of these characters. Highly recommend, especially if you're a Jane Austen fan.

Conversations with People Who Hate Me written and read by Dylan Marron

I picked this book up after loving Dylan Marron's podcast The Redemption of Jar Jar Binks, a 6 episode miniseries that I find myself thinking about all the time. Unfortunately, I do think having listened to that already dented my experience of this book, because I already knew a chunk of the story from the podcast which made listening to the book feel a bit repetitive. However! I still finished and overall enjoyed Conversations with People Who Hate Me, which is about Marron's podcast of the same name, in which he called up folks who had left hateful comments on his youtube videos or facebook and just had a conversation with them. What prompted them to leave a hateful comment? What kind of values impacted how they saw the world? Might they change their mind if they had more evidence? Did they ever expect Dylan Marron to actually see their comment? (The answer to this last was almost always "no.") This is an interesting political moment to think about this project of deliberate, compassionate connection, and Marron is thoughtful about the privilege that allowed him the emotional bandwidth to pursue it.

You and Me, On Repeat by Mary Shyne

Time loop fans, rejoice! Mary Shyne has crafted a clever, gorgeous treasure box of a story. Part coming-of-age, part romance, part sci-fi, all heart. I was drawn in from the very first page, hooked with the stylish art and the intriguing premise. I fell so hard for Chris and Alicia and all of the stupidly teenage and deeply human choices that lead them into a pocket dimension of space-time. Who hasn't wanted a redo option on one of the most important days of their life? What would you do if trapped in a time loop of your high school graduation day? I left the book rooting for these two! I had the pleasure of reading this book early :) It's available for preorder now, or grab it from a bookstore in May 2025!

You Are a Sacred Place: Visual Poems for Living in Climate Crisis by Madeleine Jubilee Saito

Saito reached a hand into some of my very own darkest climate crisis-induced depressive thoughts and drew me gently back into the light. We are all part of this natural world, and we are meant to be here, and it is good that we are here. Those things can be hard to remember sometimes, but these delicate comics underline their truth. I also got to read this early - It comes out March 25, 2025, so you can reorder it now or find it in bookstores soon.

Hey Mary! by Andrew Wheeler and Rye Hickman

Saints and stories come to vivid life in this compassionate story of a young man learning to balance his sexuality and his faith. For any readers out there trying to find space in their Catholicism for their queerness, I hope this book can light the way. Another one I got to read ahead of it's release! It's out on April 15, so you can preorder or book for it in bookstores and libraries soon.

Akane-Banashi vol 1 by Yuki Suenaga, illustrated by Takamasa Moue translated by Stephan Paul

As a child, Akane watched her father fail out of a program dedicated to training rakugo, traditional Japanese storytellers. Now in high school, she is pursuing the same career under the same teacher. This book has a lot of familiar series-set up elements- a rival older student, a series of fellow trainees, a reluctant mentor- but unfortunate didn't deeply capture me. I'm unsure if I'll continue on with this series.

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat vol 4 by Sakaomi Yuzaki translated by Caleb Cook

THIS SERIES IS SO FREAKING CUTE! I love how it's diving into some of complicated and logistical realities of being queer in Japan. I also love how supportive the friend group is. Yuri fans you need to pick this up!

Beautyland by Marie-Helene Bertino

Adina is born in 1977 to a human mother on Earth; but she is not totally of this world. Some part of her is also an alien, attuned to a planet with a collective consciousness, far away in the stars. Through a lonely childhood in Philadelphia, Adina faxes notes and observations on human life to her far away family. She grows up as the child of a single, working class mother, with few friends, but a fierce commitment to live as her own singular self. I really enjoyed the light-handed prose, the short slice-of-life chapters, and the insightful look at what it feels like to grow up an outsider. Adina reminded me of myself; she reminded me of many of my other oddball, queer, trans, or asexual friends who have always felt out of step with the lives of those around us. It reminded me, yet again, that there is perhaps nothing more human than feeling like an alien among one's peers.

The Lesson by Cadwell Turnbull read by Janina Edwards and Ron Butler

Set on St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands, this debut sci-fi novel wrestles with some big and weighty concepts. We are introduced to two families, neighbors, with their own interwoven concerns: a married couple struggling with relationship, a woman questioning her sexuality, a teen questioning her faith, a man yearning for more ambitious career and travel options in middle age. Then an alien ship arrives above the island and the book jumps forward 5 years in time to show how a powerful controlling presence has impacted the lives of everyone on the island. The Ynaa offered advanced medicines and technology to humans in exchange for staying for a time to do an unspecified type of research. But the co-existence is not peaceful: the Ynaa lash out with extreme violence over minor provocations. This tense situation cannot last. There was much to enjoy in this novel, and the audiobook was very well read by two narrators. I did think the final act suffered from some pacing issues, and a second time jump near the end worked much less well for me than the big time jump near the beginning. It was interesting to read this after having read Turnbull's second novel No Gods, No Masters which contains similar themes but with a much more complex story structure and much larger cast.

The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn’t A Guy At All vol 2 by Sumiko Arai

I'm obsessed with these little rock-n-roll lesbians. This series gives me some similar vibes as Nana except sweeter, sillier, and hopefully heading in a much less tragic direction! The art is to die for, I spent so long just looking at every page in awe. Makes me want to draw more comics!

Marbles: Mania, Depression, Michelangelo and Me by Ellen Forney

This comic has been on my TBR for a decade and I'm so glad I finally picked it up! Forney's cartooning is so clear, articulate and accessible; it really opened up a window for me into the experience of being bipolar. I loved the many creative visual metaphors, the inclusion of sketchbook pages, and the self-compassionate tone. I can see what this book set such an early high standard in the genre of comics memoirs!

Lone Women by Victor Lavalle read by Joniece Abbott-Pratt

In the opening scene, Adelaide Henry is spreading gasoline through the rooms of her childhood home in a farming valley in California in 1915, and over the bodies of her murdered parents. She leaves California with a rucksack and a steamer trunk, bound for Montana, where a woman alone can claim a plot of land. If she lives on it for at least three years and establishes a farm, she'll become the owner of the parcel. But can she really survive the harsh coming winter, the white supremacy of the nearby town, and the deadly family curse she's carrying? I really enjoyed the audiobook of this novel, but found myself pondering whether or not I felt like it fit into the horror genre, which is the primary genre tag on goodreads. Can a horror book have a happy ending? Is it horror is I don't feel like the narrative voice is trying to horrify me, rather show how marginalized woman can survive, even against extreme odds, by banding together? If I was shelving it I'd more likely to put this in historical fiction.

The Deep by Rivers Solomon, read by Daveed Diggs

Yetu is the historian for her underwater society, a group of deep sea merfolk who live in the depths of the Atlantic. She carries all of the memories, beautiful and painful, of their ancestors- pregnant women tossed overboard from ships during the years of slave trading. It is a great honor and a terrible burden to carry these memories, and Yetu thinks it might kill her to carry them alone. When an opportunity comes to leave the memories and her people behind, Yetu takes it. But who is she without her past and her people? I listened to this 4 hour novella on audio and enjoyed it a lot of a mythical alternate history.

The Hundred Years War on Palestine by Rashid Khalidi

"His Majesty's government view with favour the establishment in Palestine of a national home for the Jewish people, and will use their best endeavours to facilitate the achievement of this object, it being clearly understood that nothing shall be done which may prejudice the civil and religious rights of existing non-Jewish communities in Palestine..." -Lord Arthur Balfour, 1917, statement made on behalf of the British cabinet (page 24)

"For in Palestine we do not propose even to go through the form of consulting the wishes of the present inhabitants of the country... The Four Great Powers are committed to Zionism." -Lord Arthur Balfour, 1919, confidential memo to the British cabinet (page 37)

"'If you wish to colonize a land in which people are already living," [Ze'ev] Jabotinsky wrote in 1925, "you must find a garrison for the land, or find a benefactor who will provide a garrison on your behalf... Zionism is a colonizing venture, and therefore, it stands or falls on the question of armed forces.'" (page 51)

"In a cover letter to [President Woodrow] Wilson, the commissioners presciently warned that 'if the American government decided to support the establishment of a Jewish state in Palestine, they are committing the American people to the use of force in that area, since only by force can a Jewish state in Palestine be established or maintained.' The commission thereby accurately predicted the course of the subsequent century." (page 51-52)

This is an extremely well written, clear, concise book. The author draws extensively from primary source documents going back to 1895. His grandparents, his parents, and his immediate family lived through many of the events he outlines; he personally knew Yassar 'Arafat, long time leader of the PLO; he was an advisor to the negotiations between Israel and the PLO which began in Madrid in 1991 and ran (unsuccessfully) into 1993; he lived in Beirut through weeks of Israel bombardment in 1982; he and his father worked for the United Nations in the 1960s and sat through Security Council meetings on the Arab-Israeli conflict, including a meeting in which an intentional US political delay allowed Israel to make a preemptive attack on Syria. These personal anecdotes enliven what is overall a very grim history of broken treaties, broken promises, and conflict. I pulled the quotes because I want to be able to return to them later, to remind myself how clear it has been since the beginning that Britain and the US considered the Palestinian people necessary and acceptable sacrifices.

#books #reading #book reviews #comic book reviews #queer books

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silvermoon424 · 1 day ago

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so this is a bit out of the blue, but i saw someone call Sailor Moon a tragedy, and was wondering how accurate you think that is? (<- has not read SM yet, and really likes tragedy)

I would say the manga is a tragedy in a lot of ways, but ultimately it has a happy ending. Actually, the entire backstory of the series is basically a Greek tragedy. Idk if you care about spoilers, so I'll go ahead and put an explanation under a read more.

SPOILERS AHEAD

The backstory of Sailor Moon is that, in the very distant past, there was a utopian alliance of the Solar System planets minus Earth called the Silver Millennium. The capitol and leader of this interplanetary alliance was located on the Moon and called The Moon Kingdom; Silver Millennium and Moon Kingdom are terms that are often used interchangeably because basically all we see of the Silver Millennium is the Moon Kingdom.

Anyway, the princess of and heir to the Moon Kingdom, Princess Serenity, fell in love with an Earth prince named Endymion. Those of the Silver Millennium and Earthlings were forbidden to interact, so Serenity and Endymion were star-crossed lovers. Despite this, they did everything they could to see each other.

In the midst of this, Earthlings were growing more and more resentful of the people of the Silver Millennium due to their advanced technology/culture and longevity. A demon was born from a sunspot and called itself Queen Metalia; it was able to manipulate the Earthlings (including a young woman who was in love with Endymion and jealous of Serenity) into invading and attacking the Moon Kingdom.

In the manga/anime reboot, Endymion is killed protecting Serenity, who immediately kills herself in grief. Her mother, Queen Serenity, uses the power of the Silver Crystal (the power source of the entire Silver Millennium) to banish Queen Metalia. Because the fighting has killed basically everyone, Queen Serenity also sends the souls of her people and the Earth humans to be reincarnated at some point in the future. She then dies after expending all her power.

So yeah, the main story of Sailor Moon follows these reincarnated souls: Princess Serenity is now Usagi Tsukino/Sailor Moon, Endymion is Mamoru Chiba/Tuxedo Mask, etc. The first arc revolves around Queen Metalia coming back from her banishment and trying to destroy the world again, and Usagi must come to terms with her past life.

I'm already writing a novella so I won't get into it too much, but the first arc (in both the manga and 90s anime) very much deals with tragic themes like the past repeating, being unable to fight destiny, etc. Usagi even succumbs to fatalism and kills herself and Mamoru when she thinks there's no other way out of their situation, but thanks to the efforts and sacrifices of her friends she and Mamoru are saved.

The fifth and final arc is also a tragedy but for a different reason. Without going into it too much, Usagi loses all her loved ones and is forced to confront the very nature of evil in the universe. In one of the most beautiful and inspiring moments in the history of anime/manga, she stares into the abyss... and decides to keep going. To keep believing in the future, to want to preserve life despite knowing it will always include suffering. Thanks to her hope and courage, she is able to save the universe and all her loved ones.

If you love tragedy, I really can't recommend the manga and the anime reboot enough. The 90s anime also has tragic themes, but the manga REALLY sinks its teeth into them.

#asks #Anonymous #sailor moon

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sylusonychinus · 2 days ago

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Episode Nine: A Night of Realizations

Series Masterlist Next Episode

The soft hum of the television filled the apartment as [Reader] curled up on the couch, scrolling through the movie selection. It had been a long day, and all she wanted was to relax, maybe even finally have a peaceful night with Caleb.

Caleb, however, wasn’t as relaxed.

He sat beside her, arms crossed, staring at nothing in particular. His mind was elsewhere—specifically on that damn senior of hers.

"That guy from earlier," he muttered.

[Reader] turned to him, blinking in confusion. "Who?"

"Your senior. Officer Lee." His voice was neutral, but his grip on the couch tightened slightly.

She raised a brow. "What about him?"

Caleb exhaled through his nose, glancing at her. "He seems to like you."

A laugh bubbled out of her before she could stop it. "Caleb, that’s ridiculous."

"Is it?" His jaw tensed. "The way he looked at you, the way he tried to stop you from leaving with me—"

"He's just a colleague," she interrupted, shaking her head. "Besides, it’s not like it matters."

Caleb frowned. "What do you mean?"

She hesitated for a moment before sighing. "Because we’re married. Even if it's… contractual."

The word contractual made her stomach twist. Saying it out loud hurt more than she expected.

Caleb fell silent.

Something in his chest tightened, though he didn’t know why. He knew their marriage wasn’t real, but hearing her say it so plainly—why did it bother him?

He let out a slow breath and nodded. "Right. Contractual."

A tense silence filled the air.

She hated it. Hated how distant it made her feel.

Caleb, meanwhile, was distracted with his own thoughts as he walked towards the bathroom, peeling off his hoodie. He pushed the door open, running a hand through his hair, ready to step inside—

Only to freeze.

Steam curled in the air. The sound of water running filled the room.

And standing there, in the middle of the shower, was [Reader].

Both of them locked eyes for half a second.

Then—

"CALEB!"

A scream tore through the apartment.

"I—SHIT—" Caleb’s eyes widened in horror as [Reader] yanked the shower curtain around herself.

"GET OUT!"

"YOU SAID YOUR SHOWER HEATER WAS BROKEN—!"

"THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN WALK IN—"

"I DIDN’T KNOW—"

"CALEB, I SWEAR TO—"

In his panic, Caleb fumbled for the doorknob, only to trip over the bath mat, nearly crashing into the sink.

"OH MY GOD—JUST—LEAVE!"

The door slammed shut so hard the walls shook.

Caleb stood outside, heart racing, pressing a hand over his face. Shit.

Inside the bathroom, [Reader] stood frozen, steam clinging to her skin, face burning hotter than the shower itself.

This was so embarrassing.

By the time she stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in her usual oversized hoodie and shorts, she refused to look Caleb in the eye.

He, on the other hand, was sitting stiffly on the couch, staring at the TV as if his life depended on it.

Silence.

Awkward. Suffocating.

Neither of them dared to say a word.

A few minutes passed.

Then—

"So…" [Reader] mumbled.

"Movie. Right. Let’s watch." Caleb grabbed the remote and pressed the first thing he saw.

An action film.

Neither of them paid attention.

Every few minutes, one of them would steal a glance at the other before immediately looking away, cheeks slightly pink.

Just as the tension was starting to settle, [Reader]’s phone vibrated on the table.

Her stomach twisted the moment she saw the caller ID.

Her father.

She hesitated before answering. "Hello?"

"So, you’ve been working as a ground controller this whole time?"

His tone was sharp. Cold.

A chill ran down her spine. "Dad, I—"

"And at the same airline as Liana?! Do you think this is some kind of joke?"

Her fingers curled around the phone. "I didn't think it mattered—"

"It matters when you're making things difficult for Liana!" he snapped.

She sucked in a breath. "I… I don’t understand."

"You never do. I want you to quit. Do as I say."

A lump formed in her throat.

"Dad, please—"

"I don't want to hear it! You always disappoint me. You're nothing compared to Liana!"

Silence.

The words stung. No, they burned.

Tears welled up in her eyes. Why? Why was he always like this?

What had she done to deserve this?

Ever since he cheated on her mother, he had done nothing but scold her, compare her to his perfect stepdaughter, treating her as if she was nothing but an inconvenience.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to suppress the sob threatening to escape.

She wanted to say something—anything—but nothing came out.

Then—

The phone was pulled from her grasp.

Caleb.

His expression was dark. His voice was calm, but deadly. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

Silence on the other end.

"She is my wife now," Caleb continued, voice firm, unwavering. "She's a Xia. She’s no longer tied to your pathetic excuse of a family."

And with that, he hung up.

The silence in the room was deafening.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the call, her father seethed, throwing his phone across the room in rage.

Back in the apartment, Caleb turned to [Reader].

Tears spilled down her cheeks.

Without hesitation, he pulled her into his arms.

"It's okay. Let it out," he murmured, holding her close.

She gripped his shirt tightly, burying her face into his chest.

For the first time in a long time—she allowed herself to cry

Taglist: @jinwoosbabyboo @kithyyy @mcdepressed290 @nezuswritingdesk @elegantdeerlady @yuuuumii @duhgurl @lumieresdreams @bidisasterforevermore @i-messed-up-big-time

@that-one-scoundrel @justpassingdontworry @ansbobcar @nagireos @auriuswolve @bookworm1999 @sickleddreamer @heeknow

#caleb x you #caleb x reader #calebxreader #caleb x mc #lads caleb #love and deepspace caleb #caleb #lnds caleb #caleb lads #lnds

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willowlevulett · 5 hours ago

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Punk Divorce Era Jayvik teaser.

This AU slams Jayce and Viktor into my particular taste of West Coast punk. A teeny tiny Jayvik interaction plus some angst.

Vi is one of my favorite characters, so I also added an excerpt that I have written of Jayce and her. I think they would've been lovely friends so that will be reflected in this fic.

"What happened to your leg, Jayce." It was unfair of him to keep saying his name. Especially like that, saying it like he always used to.

"I fell."

"You fell." Viktor says the words as if tasting them, 'fell' rolling around on his tongue.

"Yes, fell. My altitude rapidly changed. An unconsented descent" Jayce brings up his hand above his head and gestures sharply downwards to belabor his point. He realizes too late that he's trying to get Viktor to laugh, like he used to. To get Viktor to scoff at any old ridiculous thing Jayce was doing at the time, his eyes alight with a smile all the same. But it's all wrong. It's been 5 years since they've seen each other, his tone is too harsh, and Viktor only looks annoyed.

The corspe of who Jayce once was rolls over in its grave. The man who survived stares hollowly forward.

Viktor is visibly trying to reign his emotions in. Jayce bets that the temptation of learning what happened to crack him down the center is enough to stay his tongue. For now.

Jayce takes the opportunity to drink him in. People like them tend to change visually faster than others, so he catalogs all the ways Viktor now differs from his memory of him. He has an eyebrow piercing on top of the new throat tattoo. Jayce can see the same tattoo lines that cover his back now lick up and over his shoulders. He now wears simple smoked out eyeliner. His clothes are still earthy tones with a splash of red but he now wears purple. It weaves through his outfit. A little in the bandana tucked in his back pocket. A lot in the array of earrings and rings that decorate him. Some in the eye shadow he smoked out his water line with.

He wants to say that Viktor looks good. Jayce stays silent.

Before he can reach the blessed front door, a hand grips his shoulder and yanks him to a stop.

"Viktor, I can't -"

"What are you doing here, pretty boy?"

The playful blue of Vi's eyes comes into view instead of the heated gold he expected.

"Oh god, Vi" He pulls her in for a brisk, tight hug. He can feel her muscles tense under her leather jacket. He takes a moment to inspect her face. She has a new scar just under her eye, cutting across the roman numerals there. There's three more piercings tucked into her left ear. She's favoring her left side like she always has, but it's not any worse than last he saw her.

"You look good."

"Ah, you're looking pretty good yourself. The haunted look, suits you. Rugged." She emphasizes the last word by planting her hands on his shoulders and giving him a small, rough shake. One of her hands then moves to tug on the long hair that hangs over his forehead now.

"The old you would've fucking hated this."

Jayce huffs a laugh. "That's the point."

Vi gives him a strange look at that. She simply stares at him for a long moment, the pulsing music of the grungy punk band on stage washing over them both. Whatever she finds in his eyes in the low light makes her scrunch her nose. Before Jayce can offer a platitude, she pulls him forward into another hug, this time threading her strong hand into the locks at the nape of his neck.

They figured out early on in their friendship that they both craved touch beyond normal people required. When he was younger, Jayce couldn't help himself. He would reach out and clasp his hands on shoulders, lean down into someone's space while they talked, drag his hand down their arm while pulling away from a hug. Vi on the other hand, tends to suffer in silence. Every part of her begs for touch, but she only touches those who work for it. But once you've earned it, once the dam is broken, you are awash with the joy that is Vi's sturdy touch.

He realizes all at once he has missed her terribly. He collapses into her arms and buries his head into her shoulder. She still smells like motor oil and cigarette smoke. He can feel a rumble of her saying something where their chests touch but he can't hear it over his desperate attempt to not burst into tears and the crashing crescendo of the music. He pulls away before this can get much worse for him.

#arcane #arcane jayce #jayce talis #jayce x viktor #arcane viktor #jayvik #vi arcane #divorce era jayvik #punk au #viktor deserves tattoos and piercings and jayce gets them as a treat

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witchygagirlwrites · 2 days ago

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Muse-Part 2

Greg “Mouse” Gerwitz x reader

An undercover assignment trudges up feelings which leads to more heartbreak

Warnings: sex

You pulled into the lot behind Erin and parked. She climbed out of her car and crossed her arms with a smirk on her face until you parked and got out “What’s that look about Lindsay?” she shook her head “The love struck puppy we have wandering around upstairs?” you shook your head “I can do nothing about that”

She grinned “You know he realizes he fucked up right?” you shrugged “Why did it take losing me to want to stay for me?” she shrugged “He’s a man and men are idiots?” you started laughing and about that time the back door of the station house opened and the man in question walked out with Jay. Both of them exchanged a look when they realized you and Erin were together and laughing. “Why do I feel like we missed the butt of the joke?” Jay asked and you raised an eyebrow “Or are the butt?” and he shot you a playful glare “Easy Muse”

You grinned and cut your eyes at Mouse who gave you a small smile “Morning Muse” you nodded “Morning Gerwitz” if you kept it at that level maybe it wouldn’t hurt. You saw Jay and Erin exchange a look out of the corner of your eye but couldn’t focus on that. You turned your attention from Mouse to Jay “Why are you with my rookie anyways?” he shrugged “We were looking for you two. Case came in”

“Way to bury the lead there Halstead” you rolled your eyes and headed for the door, Erin falling in step with you and the guys following behind the two of you.

How the hell out of every assignment you could’ve gotten handed, you were given the task of sitting on the target? You shifted in the seat of your suv for the ten thousandth time. Mouse cut his eyes at you “Are you ok?”

You nodded “This is bullshit. Voight and Al could’ve done this. He knows I hate surveillance. I think I’m in the damn corner or something for choosing to work with the D.A.’s office” he laughed lightly “I’m sorry” you raised an eyebrow “Why are you sorry?” he shrugged “It’s my fault you took the job” you waved a hand through the air “Doesn’t matter now, does it”

_____________________

Mouse got quiet then, he didn’t want to push you because you’d actually spoken to him. That was the most you’d said to him since you’d come back. He missed you so damn much. He was starting to think he was under some sort of punishment as well. Being trapped in this close of quarters with you was nothing short of torture when all he wanted was for you to talk to him about everything that happened between the two of you. He wanted to apologize. He’d hurt you so damn bad. He’d promised to protect your heart and had shredded it instead.

“Officer Gerwitz?” you called and when he cut his eyes at you his heart flipped when you had the smallest of smirks on your face “Yeah sweetheart?” the moment he called you that your face fell “Pay attention to your job rookie. You fuck up and it’s gonna look bad on me”

Of course, you’d given a sliver of an olive branch and he fucked it up. “Yes ma’am” he replied and you looked back out the front window, ignoring him all together when you said “Voight better call it soon or I may go kick the damn door in”

After the fruitless surveillance Voight sent you and Mouse on, he decided on a different angle. You would roll up some of the crew and see if they’d flip. The only issue was you had to do it on the sly. “Black out gear all around. Al and I will drive. You get in, snatch their asses and get out”

You watched Voight give orders and your eyes flickered over towards Mouse. Black out ops were always quick and left no room for mistakes. You had two targets. Two teams were going in. Jay was leading one and Erin the other. Jay would have you and Kim backing him while Erin had Mouse and Adam. Kevin and Antonio would be watching everyone’s backs at the entrance.

“Gear up and roll out” Voight ordered so you stood to head down to roll up, ignoring how Mouse watched you the entire way. You couldn’t do this right now.

_____________________

You stood next to Kim in the bullpen while Voight had one perp in interrogation one and Al had the other in interrogation two. Everything went smoothly. Mouse fit into the unit beautifully in the field, you had to admit it. “How’s it going?” she asked and you nodded “Fine” she laughed “Been there” you shook your head “I’m not taking him back”

She cut her eyes at you “Are you sure?” you shrugged “I still love him Kim. I always will but I can’t trust him” she nodded slowly “I get it but I see how you look at him. How are you two going to keep working together with all this left unsaid?” you shrugged “I’ll figure it out” “Ok. If you need anyone to talk to, let me know”

Both guys ended up rolling. You needed their boss who would be at his club the following night. The problem was major crimes was investigating his club. After Voight made some phone calls it was decided that four of you from intelligence would go undercover and a few detectives from Major crimes would back the other six.

You were sitting at your desk when Voight walked out of his office “Burgess and Ruzek, you’re going under together” the two of them nodded then Voight’s eyes landed on you “Muse, you’re going under” you nodded “I can handle that. Who’s my partner?” he nodded to Mouse.

You felt your stomach hit your feet “He’s never done undercover work, has he?” Voight shrugged “He’s done some buys with Halstead and Ruzek and did fine” you shook your head “Buys and actual undercovers are two different things”

“You all were rookies once Kid” you rolled your eyes “With all due respect why the hell am I jumping through hoops? You let me go to the D.A! How long are you gonna bust my balls?” he crossed his arms and stared you down “As long as I want. I’m your sergeant, Muse. Now are you gonna have a hissy fit or do your damn job” you shook your head “I’m gonna do my damn job and do it well but know I’m not happy about it” he shrugged “You don't got to be happy just get it done”

_____________________

You stood to walk towards the break room and heard Al fall in step behind you. “I know, I know I shouldn’t argue with him like that” you turned to face him and he shook his head “Hank’s a big boy, I’m just checking on you. Are you going to be able to handle this? Going under close with Mouse?” you nodded “I can handle it because it’s my job. Hell I’ve had to act like I want Ruzek before”

Adam walked into the break room about that time and froze with a grin “What did I do?” Al shook his head with a laugh and patted your shoulder “If you need to get pulled you know the code. I’ll pull it and deal with Hank” you shook your head “I got this O. Thank you though”

“Erin, seriously?” you stared at the outfit she’d handed you and she grinned “You and Kim have to play arm candy” you shook your head “Why the hell can’t Adam and Greg be arm candy and we be the damn buyers for once?”

Adam walked behind you about the time and whistled “Thanks for the compliment Muse but I don’t think I could pull of Kim’s outfit and I know for a fact Mouse couldn’t pull that off” you cut your eyes back at him with a smirk “I don’t know, might be worth it to see you both in heels” He was already dressed in his suit and Kim was in her dress. You just weren’t a fan of the choice.

Erin shrugged “This was the best option Muse” you sighed and took it “Fine. Come help me with zippers” she nodded and followed you into the bathroom.

_______________________

Mouse walked into rollup behind Kevin. Everyone was getting ready to head out. The detectives from Major Crimes were there, Kim and Adam had their coms in. He had his in, they were just waiting on you because from what Jay said you’d argued with Erin over the outfit until the final moment possible.

“There she is!” Jay groaned and Mouse turned to see you coming down the steps behind Erin. You shot Jay a glare. The damn black dress you were wearing had a plunging neckline, hugged every curve deliciously and looked like it was made for you. The way Erin had done your hair and makeup along with it? He had to remind himself this was work, you weren’t his anymore. Fuck, why weren’t you his?

Ryan Fergurson from Major Crimes grinned when you made it down the stairs “Well detective you know how to make an appearance don’t you?” “Don’t you think it’s just slightly inappropriate to be looking at her ass when you’re supposed to be watching all of ours?” Mouse blurted out without thinking when he saw the way the man was looking at you.

You turned to look at him with an eyebrow raised as Antonio cleared his throat “With that being said, let's play nice boys and girls and get a move on”

You and Mouse were riding with Adam and Kim since their undercovers Brody and Wyatt were in business together. You fell in step next to Mouse as the two of you followed Adam and Kim out to the suv “What the fuck was that?” he shrugged “Asshole is drooling over you when he should be doing his damn job” you shook your head “Really Gerwitz? You embarrassed the hell out of me” he cut his eyes at you “I didn’t like how he was looking at you. Adam would’ve done the same over Kim, Jay over Erin” You scoffed “They’re with them Greg. You’re not with me” and hurried to catch up with Adam and Kim.

He felt his heart drop at the reminder, the anger in your eyes. He hadn’t meant to embarrass you. Hell he hadn’t really even meant to say anything. It was just when that asshole had his eyes glued to your chest, it was say something or break his jaw. He figured a few tossed words were a better option than a thrown punch. He sighed and climbed into the suv.

_________________________

The job was simple enough. The four of you just had to go in, observe the club and make sure the boss was there and see just how many flunkies he had backing him. Of course that was so much easier said than done when every other couple in the place were wrapped around each other the moment the four of you walked into the door.

Kim cut her eyes at you “Ashleigh, want a drink?” you nodded “Yeah, let's go grab one” Mouse squeezed your hand as you pulled away from him and you weren’t sure if it was him or Wyatt but either way it made your heart flip. “I’ll be right back baby” you cooed and gently directed him towards Adam “You and Brody have clear line of vision on me and Tonya” he smiled “Ok love” and your heart damn near dove out of your chest. Why the fuck did he have to call you love when that’s the one damn name he never used until after the two of you got serious?

You followed Kim across the club, her hand secure in yours as the two of you made your way to the bar. Both yours and hers eyes tracked everyone around you the entire way. So far you’d clocked three bodyguards. “Virgin pina coladas” she ordered and the bartender nodded and went to make your order. She leaned closer and tapped her com “I clocked two on the north end of the building” you tilted your head, tapping your com as well “Three on the south” “Copy that” Jay’s voice in your ear was a bit of a calming factor. Once your drinks were handed back you made your way back over to where Adam and Mouse were waiting. You needed to make your way over to the far end of the club where all the managers were. The C.I.s had gotten Brody a booth reserved.

Adam pulled her into his arms “Bout time you made it back gorgeous” you were jealous how easy this was for them. You had no problem with any undercover you were given but this? This may prove to be a bit of a pain. Adam nodded at Mouse “C’mon Wyatt, let's check out this so called VIP section this place boasts about”

Mouse’s arm slipped around your waist and you inhaled sharply when his fingertips brushed against the bareskin left by the cut out in the dress. If he noticed he didn’t say anything thankfully. “You ok baby?” he asked and you smiled “I’m perfect Wyatt” holding his eyes to remind him that this was fake.

The two of you followed Adam and Kim through the club, eyeing the fact that there were multiple offices and short of the asshole coming out and announcing he was here it may very well be hard to tell. Once you got to the reserved booth and were comfortable you all moved closer. When you realized the fact that the four of you crowding looked weird you moved to sit in Mouse’s lap and Kim did the same to Adam. That way the two of them could just shift slightly closer and talking would be easier without pulling attention.

One of his hands was at your hip, his thumb tracing patterns through the dress. You tried to ignore that and how it made your stomach flip any time he shifted his legs. “We need to check those offices” you had a hand on Mouse’s shoulder to brace yourself and to just sell this better as you leaned closer to her, a fake smile in place “How the hell do you propose we do Tonya?”

She shrugged “Four of us. They’re armed” you cut your eyes at Mouse and he nodded. You shook your head “That’s not fair that we only get the ceramic blades O gets us” he grinned “I won’t let nothing happen to ya Ashleigh” you rolled your eyes then looked back at Kim “Two a piece? First one finds anything good hollers Marco, other set hollers polo then we get the hell out and let everyone come in to roll his ass up?” she nodded “Sounds like a plan”

_____________________

The first office you and Mouse checked was empty. No lights, the sound, nothing. The second office you hit paydirt. Georgio Travis was inside on a phone call. You shared a smile with him as you tapped your com “Marco” and heard Adam respond in time along with Jay and Voight.

You and Mouse were moving to walk out of the hallway when the office opened from one way and a bodyguard started coming from the other. Fuck, this was bad. There was no way to explain the two of you just being in a side hallway. “Kiss me” you whispered and he looked confused for a second before you pulled him against you, putting your back to the wall. The shock quickly wore off the moment his lips brushed against yours. One of his hands went to your jaw, tilting your head and he rolled his lips against yours, flicking his tongue into your mouth. The other hand was at your hip, teasing the skin there with how rough his grip was. When his hand moved from your jaw down to wrap just enough around your throat you whimpered lightly into his mouth.

“Excuse me” you heard the bodyguard and you two broke apart, chest heaving. Mouse turned to face the guy, keeping himself between you and him. “Yeah man?” the bodyguard shook his head but luckily laughed “At least take that shit in that bathroom. Not outside my boss man’s office” Mouse grinned “Sorry about that. She just looks so damn good”

Mouse grabbed your hand and pushed you in front of him as you two walked out of the hallway. Your heart was pounding in your chest as he whispered “Fuck that was close Muse” you shot him a glare “Yeah Wyatt, that was” you weren’t outside yet. You were still under. His eyes widened when he realized his slip but there was no time for that. The exit was a little too close and you could spot Adam’s head slip back in to look for you. You grabbed his hand and gave it a tug “Come on”

The more you thought about it, the more you got pissed off. If someone would have heard him. It could have put everything at risk. Not to mention why did he have to call you love? Or put his damn hand around your throat like that? He was trying to fucking torment you.

He’d broken your heart, your trust! Not the other way around. He had no right to be acting like this. You parked behind his truck and slammed your car door before walking up to the front door of his place. He wanted you to talk to him, dammit you were going to talk to him.

Mouse heard a knock at his door and didn’t know who the hell it was. Jay was out with Erin, he didn’t really have many friends outside of the unit. He walked over to answer the door and there you stood, looking rather pissed off. “Can I come in?” you asked as you walked past him. “Of course” he replied, shutting the door and turning to face you. “Is something wrong?”

You scoffed when he asked was something wrong. “Is something wrong? Really Greg?” he shrugged “I don’t remember doing anything to piss you off this bad” you shook your head “That shit calling me Muse in the club. You not only put us at risk, you put everyone at risk” he dropped his gaze “Fuck, I know. I’m sorry it’s just..kissing you, having you in my arms? I was lucky I was thinking that damn clearly” “That’s another thing!” you nearly yelled waving your hands through the air and knew you had to look half crazy at this point.

“What?” he asked and you pointed at him “The way you look at me. Like I ripped your heart out instead of the other way around. You fucking left me Greg, before I ever left you” he was watching you like you were the most important thing in the world to him and it pissed you off and ripped you apart at the same time. He took a step towards you “You think I don’t know I hurt you? You think that I don’t regret that every damn day?” you shook your head “I never should’ve come back to the unit”

You brushed past him with intentions of leaving. You had your hand on the door when he said “You’re all I ever think about Muse” you spun around to face him “Were you thinking about me when you wanted to leave me? When you looked me in the eyes and told me there was nothing in Chicago worth keeping you here?” you could feel tears forming in your eyes but it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen you cry before “Were you thinking about me when you got so far in your head you wouldn’t see that you were hurting me when you swore you never would?”

He swallowed hard, eyes glued to you. “Fuck it” you muttered, grabbing him by the belt loops to snatch him to you and the moment he got close enough you pulled him down into a kiss. His lips found yours in a hungry kiss and your hands slid under his shirt, nails teasing his skin causing him to groan into your mouth as he broke away from you long enough to meet your eyes, chest heaving “Muse, what do you want here baby?” you let your eyes skim over his body as an answer and he shrugged before snatching his shirt over his head and tossing it.

The moment his chest was bare to you, you turned him around against the door. You barely teased a kiss against his lips before moving to kiss across his jaw and down his neck, nipping at the spots you knew would have him gripping your hips tight enough to leave bruises. Your nails were leaving light marks down his chest and his eyes fluttered shut as he moaned your name. Suddenly he grabbed your hands and your back was against the door with your arms pinned over your head and he was standing in front of you “Say you want me, please”

“I want you Greg” you whispered and he grinned “Thank god” then crashed his lips against yours before his hands slipped down behind your thighs so he could pick you up. You gasped lightly and wrapped your legs around his waist. He laughed into the kiss “Forget I can manhandle you?” you grinned “Just surprised still” he headed for his bedroom “Let me remind you”

___________________

Mouse dropped you to his bed and within moments you were both stripped. He held himself up over you “Are you sure about this?” “Greg!” you warned and he grinned “Yes ma’am” and pressed a kiss to your lips, his fingers teasing at your slit before one long digit slipped into you. Your back arched off the bed at the touch, a low moan leaving you as he added a second finger, curling them both to tease over that spot inside of you.

“I missed you so damn much” he whispered, breaking from your lips to tease at your neck with his lips and teeth as he worked you towards an orgasm. You whimpered when he bit down on your pulse point at the same time he twisted his wrist at just the right angle, adding pressure to your clit with the heel of his hand.

You felt that sensation start to build right before he curled his fingers just right that your vision went soft around the edges as your orgasm slammed into you. You moaned his name out, clenching around his fingers as he worked you through the orgasm.

Once you stopped shaking a bit he slipped his fingers out of you and smiled, slipping them into his mouth to clean them. “Still taste so damn sweet my little Muse” you whimpered and he grinned before crashing his lips against yours, letting you taste yourself on his lips.

He moved to kiss down your body and you shook your head “Baby, please?” That man always loved eating you out. Loved having you tug his hair, beg him not to stop while you cried about it being too much but you needed him now. “I want you inside me Greg, please” you spoke and he nodded “I got you baby”

He positioned himself between your legs, cock teasing at your entrance then he froze. “I don’t have a condom” you smiled because that meant he hadn’t been with anyone else. “Still on birth control” you replied and he nodded, lining himself up before slowly pushing into you. Your head fell back on the pillows. Fuck, fuck fuck. Every damn emotion you’d ever had for this man came rushing to you in that moment. You felt tears spring to your eyes at the feeling. “Muse?” he asked and you nodded “I’m good”

He pressed a kiss to your lips “Then let me see you” you opened your eyes that you hadn’t even realized you closed and fuck how he was looking at you “I love you Muse” he whispered before giving a roll of his hips. Your hands flew to his shoulders, leg hooking around his waist as a moan of his name fell from your lips. He buried his face in the bend of your neck, hips quickly finding a rhythm that had your nails leaving traces of you behind in his flesh as he pushed you closer and closer to that edge.

When his hand slipped between your bodies, long fingers teasing at your clit, your back arched off the bed as you came, clenching hard around him. He grunted as he continued to fuck you through the orgasm “Fuck baby, squeezing me so damn hard” you pulled him into a messy kiss that was all tongue and teeth but neither of you could’ve cared. His hands went to your hips, spreading your legs further and bringing them both up to rest on his shoulders.

You cried out when he gave a sharp snap of his hips in this new angle. Fuck, it felt so damn amazing it was borderline painful. “That good?” he asked and you nodded “Fuck me Greg, please” he groaned “Any time, any where”

_______________________

Your knees were damn near on your shoulders as Mouse fucked you, every thrust slamming the headboard into the wall. You were sobbing his name, nails digging into his flesh as he worked you both closer and closer to that edge. When he slipped a hand between you to find your clit your head fell back, legs shaking around him as you came. His hips never lost their rhythm as they snapped into yours, chasing his own high. When he finally came with a low moan of your name as he buried himself inside of you with a final thrust, the feeling of him cumming was enough to push your already overworked pussy over that edge once more because your eyes rolled back slightly as your legs shook and you moaned his name out.

He stilled after a moment, both of your chests heaving. He slowly lowered your legs, rubbing them both tentatively. “Did I hurt you?” you shook your head “No” and he smiled, pressing another kiss to your lips “Let me clean you up” he pulled out of you and apologized when you whined at the feeling. “I’ll grab you something to drink too beautiful”

_________________________

You watched him walk out of the room and a sinking feeling settled in your chest. You’d just had sex with your ex that you were still very much in love with. He was probably thinking you just took him back and you couldn’t be more confused at the moment. You’d come here to argue with him, not this.

When he came back with a warm towel you averted your eyes as he helped you clean up then offered you a bottle of water. You took the water and set up in the bed, wrapping the sheet around yourself “I’ll um..I’ll go when my legs are back to one hundred” he smiled slightly “Go?”

You nodded “Yeah to my place?” he pointed to the bed “Stay here” you shook your head “Greg, I can’t” his face fell and he looked around before finding his boxers and slipped them on, pushing his hair back. “Why?”

“Greg, I didn’t come here looking to do that” he shrugged “Not like I was complaining Muse. I haven’t gone a moment without thinking about you since the day you left me” you lowered your eyes to your hands “We’re not..we’re not back together Greg”

When he didn’t say anything you slowly looked up and he was staring at you “What?” he shook his head “Bullshit, I know you. You don’t do casual sex” “And I never thought you would’ve tried to go back into a war over building a future with me!” you argued and his shoulders dropped “I didn’t”

You nodded “After I left. You decided after I left” you could feel tears start to hit your eyes so you wrapped the sheet tighter around you and climbed out of the bed to go in search of your own clothes. “I love you Muse. I have always loved you. When I considered that it was because I wanted to be a better man for you” he spoke low.

Your eyes flew up, dropping the sheet in favor of picking up your clothes and not caring. “Or you could’ve talked to me, let me in and realized that I fucking loved you with everything I had”

“Loved?” his voice was so low it broke you. You shook your head and started to get dressed but he stopped you, hands grabbing your wrists. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me anymore” he spoke and you shook your head “I can’t” “Then why can’t you just let me back in? You just let me have you then you’re gonna turn around and tell me no it was a one time thing?”

You slowly raised your eyes to meet his and swallowed hard, both of you had tears in your eyes “I don’t know what to do here Greg. I don’t trust you. It’s only been a few months. How can I be sure you won’t leave when you get bored of me?” he dropped your wrists like they burnt “Is that how you feel? Like I got bored of you?” you nodded, finishing getting dressed.

“I have never been more whole than at your side” he spoke and you shook your head “And I still wasn’t enough” he nodded slowly “What about work?” you shrugged “Act like this never happened. Please?”

“Ok” he replied and you nodded “Ok”

You barely made it out to your car before tears started falling. Fuck how did you fuck everything up yet again? You wanted nothing more than to curl up to him, tell him you loved him still and to trust that he meant everything he said but did he?

________________

Mouse watched you walk out of his door and felt his heart break all over again. How the fuck could he go into work tomorrow and act like that didn’t just happen? He’d broken your trust and had no clue how to get it back. He loved you more than he ever thought he could love someone. Why the hell had he ever let his issues come between you and him?

He had everything in the palm of his hand and fucking self sabotaged it. He had to go into work and act like he hadn’t held you in his arms and watched you walk out yet again. What would it take to prove himself to you? He had to figure it out before he lost you for good.

@desimarie12

#greg mouse gerwitz x reader #greg gerwitz x reader #mouse gerwitz x reader #chicago pd fic #chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd fanfic #greggerwitz x reader

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n3-x-us · 1 year ago

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I speed red through Love death and rollerskates by @spadillelicious

I'm now fixated on it to the point I managed to pull my husband into reading it I feel great :3

Close up:

#art #dca #fnaf #traditional drawing #traditional art #love death and rollerskates #The moment I saw this man I just instantly fell in love christ #idc what crimes hes commited i love him #same goes for moon #i love them both :D

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loverboybrightsideghost · 6 months ago

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eugene and rapunzel are like obviously some of my favorite little character people but i WILL also always roll my eyes when in the show they say shit like they fell in love at first sight bitch no you did not. you fell in love between campfire kingdom dance and lantern scene don't be lying man

#bluebird.txt #tangled #'i fell in love with you when i first saw you' you fucking did not you gave that man a concussion and then held his crown hostage #and YOU tried flirting your way out of (does NOT count) and tried to scare her into leaving you alone. both of you shut tf up #affectionately. but also that was NOT love at first sight. that was love at like second day of knowing you.#which i'll allow in a rare moment of accepting heterosexuals ('heterosexuals') bc they are the best and i love them

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please-picturemeintheweeds · 6 months ago

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#I haven’t been online all day so idk what the discourse has been like compared to yesterday #But can I just say that in a lot of videos that I saw - Brittany and Taylor were studiously ignoring each other #And I have been reflecting Jaime’s post about who else was in the box and what the event was and who was invited #And I feel like I fell into the trap of trying to interpret an entire social situation based on a few moments #And forgot that she and Brittany both have conversations and experiences outside of what we witness #Which I am usually fairy aware of with Taylor but I think it’s easier to slip into it when she does something that I wouldn’t do #Like it’s just so much easier (for me) to dehumanize people when they’ve done something “bad”#And that pattern seems related to the internal cancel culture (bullshit) and the desire for accountability (punitive version)#Which creates this impulse to sort people as good and bad #Which is not at all to say that I imagine Taylor is theoretically justified in being friendly with someone endorsing a dictator #But that my reaction to my assumption about her being BFFs with that vile woman led me to jump on a hate train without watching the footage #And like everybody has a right to be upset by her actions- which are pretty literally enabling a dictator to benefit from her name.#But I don’t think it’s as simple as her being besties with the lady. And I am trying to remind myself that I am not on a global stage #I was just as friendly with a trumper a few days ago at an HOA picnic. Which does not exist in a vacuum-#I am politically active in the community around some big picture stuff and part of that means I need the truly vile people to respect me #And i need to ask about their kids and remember their names and their health issues or whatever and let them hug me #Because that is what being in a collaborative harm reduction type political position means for me. I get waaaayyy..#More radical shit done when they trust me and enjoy chatting with me about trees and know I see them as human #And Taylor is obviously in a vastly different situation than me - she has a lot more power in many many ways- but she also #Certainly has more context (like me bc she’s a whole person) that we’re not privy to.#Idk sorry for the long rambling praxis rant #Just was at a RJ training all day talking about prison abolition and now am processing by philosophizing about Taylor #Just there’s a lot less dopamine hits in taking a step back then there are in reposting stuff without context #Which again is not to say that anyone shouldn’t be upset. The situation is imo objectively upsetting.#And taking a step back and giving a person the benefit of the doubt is most often allowed for white women #And we should practice taking the time to do that whenever we can and like if I can’t even do it with a famous lady I don’t know #How am I supposed to learn and practice doing it in my own life #Idk #c #TJ

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piratadelamor · 2 years ago

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im 3 episodes into the one piece live action and so far my genuinely biggest complaints are:

- luffy refusing FREE FOOD????? HELLO?????? HE ONLY CAME BACK FOR ONE BITE?? oda why did you allow this crime

- zoro introducing himself like "hey dont u know who i am i'm roronoa zoro the pirate hunter" like bro would never act like that be fr

no big issues with the other changes, i think they're translating the story and its characters to a different media with a different public and some things wouldnt really work outside of animation/manga... i also thought that luffy was too serious but im gonna wait to see how it goes bc he was more goofy on episode 3 so idk. he's obviously different in many ways and so far he's the hardest to digest but maybe i just need to get more used to him!

#like luffy is SO FUCKING UNSERIOUS and that's the reason why i fell in love with him the moment i saw him breaking out of that barrel #it was really a love at first sight with a character so seeing a different luffy in a more serious atmosphere is so weird for me #but still!!! the effects are really good #i really love seeing the gum gum coming to life #nami is our nami. emily can be proud of herself! and damn zoro does look hot. i like them both #just got to meet usopp and he seems pretty good too #BUT THE ONE IM MOST EXCITED TO SEE IS SANJI AAAAA

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murderofravens · 2 months ago

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BABY, I'M RIGHT HERE

pairing: hwang inho/young-il/frontman x fem reader

part: 2/3 [finished]

warnings: large age gap (20 vs late 40s) angst. slow burn. slight infantilization. no use of y/n. codependency. obsession from both sides. unhealthy dynamics. plot with porn. fingering. oral fixation. brat tamer inho. sub!reader. reader is very touch starved. a little yandere vibes. emotional manipulation. i made him very fatherly but toxic oops.

summary: he promised that you will make it out alive. he will make sure of it, no matter what it takes.

word count: 8k more or less

SERIES MASTERLIST | MASTERLIST

please ignore mistakes.

you can't remember half of it. everything happened so quickly— your little moment of bliss shattered by 388's quick warning. the lights went out. one moment you were in young-il's arms, the next he was dragging you down towards 456, who was hiding under another bed. he shifted to make room for you and you crawled to his side. young-il followed.

"stay quiet," 456 whispered, looking around. not much was visible in the dark, but soon enough, the loud noise of bottles shattering and people screaming began echoing through the hall.

"they're killing each other—" you whisper, eyes wide. you shift slightly, raising your head. you try to sit up. "they're killing our side of the people—"

young-il halted your movements with a hand on your arm, "don't move." he hissed. "we can't leave till the guards come in."

"what?" you snap, voice hushed, "if they kill all our people, what's gonna happen in the next vote? we'll lose!"

"there won't be a next vote," 456 added, flinching slightly at another sharp cry. he looked determined. "we're stopping this today."

you glanced at him, heartbroken. you looked out again, heartbeat picking up as you saw player 380 run away from nam-gyu. he was on her tail, visibly trying to kill her. a bottle lay there by the bed, and before young-il could stop you, you slid it out. nam-gyu tripped on it and fell on his face. luckily, it was too dark and he was too worked up to check who it was. you just hoped it gave player 380 enough time to hide.

young-il restrained you then, pushing you down slightly so you were fully sandwiched between him and 456, "don't compromise our position!"

"how much longer?" you whispered, ignoring him. you winced as more sounds of bones cracking and people choking on their own blood took over the entire room. neither of them answered, but even 456 jumped a little as the body of one of the girls on your side fell to the floor.

your eyes widened as the girl's eyes met yours, and then she sputtered out blood before laying there, lifeless.

"don't look." young-il voiced out, craning his neck down to meet your gaze. he clenched his jaw, settling you with a cold glare, "look at me."

"you should've told me this was the plan," you hissed through gritted teeth, squinting as the flashing of lights overwhelmed your senses, "would you be okay if that was m—mphh!"

he put a finger to your lips, shaking slightly as he gave you another warning glare. 456 watched with bated breath, as if counting all the people dying.

the lights go off again, and the room remains dark. only the noises of people fighting can be heard.

"time to move," 456 tells young-il, who nods and begins shifting out of the bed. you follow along, but he pushes you back in, "don't get out until i tell you."

"what?" you frown, confused. your words are quick, "you expect me to hide here while you go out there to do god knows what—

as you speak, young-il grits his teeth, frustrated. he's desperate as he grabs your shoulders. he glances back, makes sure no one sees before silencing you with a kiss. it leaves you breathless. he cups your face and looks into your eyes intensely, "don't get out until i tell you to." his voice is urgent, "close your eyes, put your hands to your ears. trust me, and listen to me for once."

you blink rapidly before nodding, still a little out of it. you don't think you'll ever get used to how good kissing him feels. you wish you could feel it again and again, under better circumstances.

456 hisses for young-il, and he pats your head before rushing away as soon as the doors open. the guards come in, rapidly firing their machine guns towards the ceiling, stopping the fight. you watch carefully, heart dropping to your stomach as young-il and 456 lay there, as if dead, along with 390 and 388. you almost rush out to check on them, but young-il's previous words hold you back. you watch as the guards start putting those devices to the dead bodies' ears, and when they reach your team members, 456 suddenly attacks. the rest of the team similarly manages to take their guns away, and kill the remaining guards. you almost jump out of your skin as a firing match starts— and young-il and player 120 skillfully kill most of them. you look on with bated breath, flinching as the guards fall to the floors. you begin to get out from under the bed, panting. one of the guards was still hiding, and he immediately aimed the gun at you. before you could move, young-il shoots him dead.

you look around the room, swallowing the lump in your throat at the sight of all the dead bodies. so many people with hopes and dreams. people with families, laying there, lifeless. cautiously, you looked around with purpose, before your eyes fell on player 380's body.

she couldn't hide.

you look away, sweat rolling down the side of your head. you clench your jaw and glare at the other team, eyes narrowing with resentment as you catch sight of nam-gyu. swallowing hard, you walk past the bodies, careful not to step on them. your eyes fell on your team members gathering the guards' weapons.

so this was the plan. you frown, rushing forward to help them. the guns are heavy, but you manage to place many of them along with some ammo on the bedsheet laying there.

456 announces the plan— something about capturing the ones who captured them all, and going to their headquarters to make them pay. you shift your gaze to young-il, who stares ahead blankly, as if thinking hard. you wonder if he's scared.

"anyone who knows how to use guns and wishes to join us—" 456 calls out, "please step forward!"

the players are silent, frozen. cowards, you think to yourself. you step forward immediately, and young-il's face hardens so dramatically, it almost makes you laugh. he takes a step towards you, "absolutely not!" he snaps, "stay right there."

"you need all the help you can get!" you argue back sharply. you point an accusatory finger at player 100 and his team. "don't you see? even these so called tough guys aren't willing to go with you! don't put your trust in these people, i can help more than they can! my aim's great!"

while you talk, young-il pinches the bridge of his nose, calls your name again gruffly. a warning.

"don't drag us into this!" player 100 interrupts angrily, his lip curling with disgust. "this is madness! you don't stand a chance against them!"

you quite literally snarl as you rush towards him, jabbing a finger to his chest. it makes him stumble backwards, "you had no issue with risking our lives and your own for money, but standing up to those who caught you is where you draw the line?" you glower at him, scoff at the rest of his team. to emphasize your point, you gather saliva in your mouth, spit it by his shoe. "fucking pussy !"

young-il quite literally snatches you away by the collar of your jacket before the other team can do anything. it's a little baffling how swiftly he moves, even while carrying such a big gun. he takes you to your side of the bunker, shoves you onto the bed, "don't make me tie you up." he grunts threateningly, "you are not going and that's final. you're built like a bird, you won't stand a chance against armed guards. i refuse to watch you get killed."

456 calls out for you, voice soft but urgent, "it's best if you stay here. we won't be able to focus if he's— if we're worried about you."

you grit your teeth as you scowl at young-il with glassy eyes. they're tears of anger. you want to scream at him. you want to pull him towards you and never let him go. you look at your team, watch with longing as player 120 guides them on how to use their guns. she's brave and badass, it makes you want to be like her.

"and you're okay with getting killed?" you drift your attention back to young-il, voice cracking. "what am i supposed to do if something happens to you?"

young-il sighs, gaze softening as he kneels before you . your lips wobble as you glare daggers at him, eyes narrowed. he shakes his head, "i'll come back to you alive."

you scoff bitterly. "how can you be so sure?"

"i just am."

"promise me." you hold your pinky up, clenching your jaw as you stare at him intensely, "promise me you won't die. promise me you'll come back for me."

he looks at your pinky, and then at you. you've always found him harder to read than other people. but you see reluctance in his eyes. he sighs, before raising his own pinky, joining it with yours. the contrast between your hands would've been comical if you were not in this shithole. he gives you a smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

"i promise."

you can hear player 100 yelling at his team, clearly talking shit about you. you look over young-il's shoulder, and he glances at the old man too before turning to you knowingly.

"don't get in any trouble while i'm gone." he whispers softly. he reaches behind his back. "and just in case— i want you to have this."

it's a pistol. he probably took it from one of the dead guards. your eyes widen and you look at young-il. he teaches you how to unload it, and reload it, and how to work the safety, before placing it in your palm. your gaze never leaves his face. questioning.

"you've made enemies here," he explains, as if it's obvious, "if any of the men there try anything—"

"you want me to kill them?" you quirk an eyebrow.

his mouth curls into a smirk, "i want you to be safe."

he gets up, and as player 100 looks at you again, you jokingly aim the gun towards him. he jumps back in fear, stumbling into the younger men at his side. you chuckle, and young-il lowers your hand. "behave."

it makes your heart jump.

"why does that kid get a gun and we don't?!" one of the younger men yells. young-il ignores him.

you grin at him almost childishly. he shakes his head before addressing 149— the old lady who got here with her son.

"don't let her leave," he tells her, giving you a stern, sidelong glance. you roll your eyes.

before he can leave, you grab his hand and look at him intensely. you can only hope your eyes can convey what you can't verbally, not in front of people. for his sake.

"be careful." you decide to say, voice cracking. you memorize every feature of his face, with only one thought in your mind.

you're not allowed to leave me.

he nods, looking away before walking to his team. you yell at them too, telling them to be careful and watch as they carefully exit. you look on with longing as you watch them go, before glancing down at the gun in your hand, and then at the door again. soon enough, you can hear the faint sounds of guns firing. it makes you jump, but player 149 puts a hand on your shoulder, comfortingly guiding you to sit beside her.

you almost contemplate rushing out, what would these people even do? stop you? you have a gun in your hand, although you wouldn't want to pull it on 149. she's a good lady. people are already scared. you don't want to make it worse.

so you stay, and hope that young-il keeps his promise. pinky promises are sacred. you either keep them, or you die.

you decide that if he dies, you'll just bring him back to life somehow and kill him again.

you don't remember how long you wait. multiple times, you stand up and pace around the room. agitated, scared. every gunshot has you looking at the door again and again, hoping that somehow young-il will decide to burst through it. 149 tells you to be calm, tries to distract you with your life outside the games. it doesn't work.

thankfully, the pistol in your hand had scared the other team enough to not try anything with you. they talk within themselves, trying to busy themselves with conversations and anxiously bouncing their legs as they look at the ceiling. you wonder how they can be so calm after killing your team.

"you people are cowards." you say to no one in particular. the message hits the target though, because the ones who weren't willing to go and help shift uncomfortably.

"you'd rather die losing to a stupid game instead of a noble death trying to help people," you chide, chuckling bitterly. 149 tries to stop you from talking, but you shrug her words off with a shake of your head. you stand up and face the other team again. "it's shameful. you had no problem killing others who were in the same position as you, but your oppressors is where you decide to stop?" you gesture towards the dead bodies. the sight of blood doesn't make you squeamish anymore. it just makes you sad.

"these people died because you wanted to keep playing." you hiss, "you killed them."

the people on the other side don't respond, instead lowering their gaze to the floor. you look at nam-gyu sitting on the side, fiddling with something. you want to kill him. you want to kill everyone who stopped you from going home, who became the reason more innocent people died. your morals are a bit fucked, you think, but you're okay with it. people who do bad things deserve to die. you raise the gun, aim it at player 100. he flinches, and sits straight up, raising his hands. his team members shuffle away from him, and it makes you snicker. when he's on death's door, they abandon him. "have you gone crazy!?"

"game or no game, you were meant to die." you clench your jaw, your mouth twitching. "shall i kill you, old man?"

you don't get to pull the trigger. you're interrupted by player 388 rushing inside, panicked and covered in blood. your eyes widen, and you go straight to him, grabbing his shoulders. he looks shaken up, "what happened? where's 001? is he okay? did you find—"

"gather all the remaining ammo," he says shakily, fumbling over his words, "we ran out. i need to take some back."

you nod, and 149's son comes to help you check the dead guards' gear and gather the remaining ammunition. 388 wraps it up in a jacket, and rushes to the door, before suddenly stopping. you pause, looking at him, sweat breaking out across your skin. there's a bad feeling in your stomach. "what's wrong? aren't you going?"

he doesn't respond. you can't see his face because his back is turned to you. a moment passes and you step forward cautiously. he drops the walkie talkie, and your eyes fall to the floor where it lands— where you can hear the voice of player 120 asking where he is. they have no ammo.

"i can't do it." 388 whispers, shaking. he rushes back to his bed, drops the little makeshift bag full of ammo and cowers into himself. your eyes widen. you look at the walkie talkie, and back to him. if they don't get ammo soon, they're going to die. you rush to the bed, shoot 388 a frown— you consider comforting him, but you have another priority now. you grab the bundle and turn to leave.

149 runs after you along with a few others, pulling you by the sleeve of your jacket. she's trembling with worry. "your father told me not to let you leave—"

amidst the chaos, you let out a chuckle.

"he's not my father," you reply, yanking your jacket from her grip and composing yourself. the sentence would've had you cackling in a better situation. you can't wait to tell young-il about it. you can understand why she'd think so, even though you and young-il look literally nothing alike. the opposite, really. he's like a father in spirit.

your face hardens and you address the crowd. "they need help. is anyone gonna come with me?”

nobody moves. you scoff bitterly. predictable.

149 looks at you helplessly, pushes her son to grab you. when he advances towards you, you pull out the gun and hold it to his head, eyes crazed as you pull the safety. you warn him dangerously, "step back."

he raises his hands and steps back, lowering his gaze. holding the bundle to your chest, you walk backwards, aiming the gun to both sides of the room and ensuring no one grabs you. you look at 149, meet her crushed gaze and mouth an 'im sorry' to her before running out as fast as you can.

you're quite sure you got lost. you're running as fast as you can, trying to follow the sounds of the gunshots, and looking for any bullet holes or signs of struggle. you look up and see broken cameras, and recall 120 shooting them back in the hall. you follow them until one of the red guards encounters you, immediately raising his gun. he's slow, infuriatingly so— but it doesn't matter because in your panicked haze, you shoot him in the stomach, then rush forward and kick his gun away before running off.

you can see your team. you let out a breath of relief, and as soon as 120 meets your gaze, she gasps. you shake your head and quickly slide over to her, giving her the rest of the ammunition. she quickly reloads, and you toss the rest to the other players, before looking around frantically, flinching at the gunshots. "where's 001 and 456?" you ask her.

"control room!" she points towards the end of the hallway, and you nod before advancing. she tries to protest but you're quicker, and she's preoccupied with firing. luckily, the guards never seem to fire at you.

there are two sides. you hesitate, before finally taking the left one where you just heard two gunshots. you quickly rush forward, pistol held protectively. the whole area looks like some sort of purple maze, and you're wary as you walk, scared that a guard might jump out and shoot you.

finally, you see your young-il's back. he's crouching on the floor, looking at a dying player. the relief you feel is baffling. your eyes widen, and you call out his name. "young-il sir!"

he tenses, turning back so fast that you worry he'd get a whiplash. visibly stressed, he rushes towards you, shaking his head, "no— no, no, no, no, no, what are you doing here!”

you run towards him, almost tripping on the stairs. he grabs your shoulders, shakes you aggressively, "i told you not to fucking leave!"

you almost flinch at his tone. it's strange to see him swear. you answer him shakily, panting, "they— they ran out of ammo, i couldn't leave you!"

he looks upset and shaken up, clenching his jaw as he pinches the bridge of his nose, mumbling incoherently to himself. you turn towards the dying player, your expression pained. he tries to point at something, but you don't understand what. you kneel towards him, and his hand falls down. his croaking stops.

suddenly, you hear the footsteps of guards heading towards you. before you can move, you're surrounded. you hold onto your gun, shaking as you quickly stand up. you swallow hard, unblinking as they aim their guns at you.

that’s when you notice it.

they're aiming at only you, and not young-il. it makes you feel strange.

you look at him, and he's taking sharp breaths, as if trying to compose himself. or trying not to scream with rage. it's odd, how relaxed he looks. tense in the face, but relaxed in the way that he didn't take an offensive stance, or feel surprised at the sight of the guards. you frown in confusion, before he flicks his hand. the guards lower their guns.

you blink a few times, swallowing the lump in your throat, dread settling in your stomach. you look at the guards, then at young-il, who refuses to meet your gaze. you repeat the action.

guards. young-il. guards. young-il. then the players on the floor. then back at young-il's face. and it takes you a moment, but the realization sets in.

the guard letting you go to the restroom when young-il was by your side, him conveniently appearing to save you when you went exploring, him walking with that air of authority. how the guards never seemed to look at him too long. how easily he killed the man during mingle without a second thought. how one look from him had the guard lowering his gun during voting. how he was sure he wouldn't die. things that you never should've looked over.

you step back, your breathing getting ragged as you slowly raise your gun towards young-il. the guards point their guns at you again, ready to shoot. he stops them by raising his hand in warning. he clenches his jaw, his eyes unreadable and guarded.

"who are you." you demand tightly. your voice shakes pathetically, it makes you wince. you've never been this scared of anything in your life. not even the games.

"it doesn't have to be this way." he says quietly. his voice seems different, deeper. gravely. he holds his hand out to you in what he hopes is a comforting fashion. "put the gun down."

you step back, putting your finger on the trigger, just the way he taught you. ‘i want you to be safe,’ he'd said.

"i asked you a fucking question!" you yell, voice cracking. your gun feels slippery in your hands. it almost falls. you fumble trying to keep a tight grip on it. all this time, the prospect of death felt a little comforting with the idea that you'd have young-il by your side if it happened. but now, it just terrifies you. it looks bleak.

you sniffle, lips wobbling as fresh tears roll down your cheeks. you were always fucking unlucky. the first time you like a man this much, he turns out to be the bad guy. you feel utterly pathetic and terrified.

his eyes dart all over your panicked face before he gestures towards one of the guards, who raises his gun. there's a flash of guilt in his eyes that you can't miss. it makes your blood freeze. you refuse to die alone.

you straighten your aim towards young-il and pull the trigger. two gunshots ring out, and you don't get the time to react before something stings your chest, and you fall to the ground.

your vision goes black.

there are no dreams, no last memories. no flashes of your life. there's this heaviness in your chest, like someone is suffocating you.

you wake up with a startled gasp, sitting up immediately. your vision looks blurry, but with a few blinks you can make out a room. a lavish room with a closed window on the side. you frown in confusion, before putting your hand to your chest. there's no bleeding, no pain except the one in your muscles.

you swallow hard, your throat feeling dry. for a moment you wonder if it was all a dream, but when you try to move, you realize your right hand is chained to the side of the bed— with those strong black straps with locks that they used in the second game. you pull at it a few times, breathing getting heavy as you look down on yourself. your bloodied green jersey has been replaced by a comfortable pair of pink pyjamas that cover your arms and legs. you raise your hand to your head, and there's a small bandage on the right side of your face that you remember previously scratching in the bathroom.

you struggle a little, try to look for a way to unlock the straps, but it's like the room is purposely empty. absolutely no sharp or heavy objects to help you escape. like a prison cell.

you think of young-il. is he dead? you remember pulling the trigger. you knew the risk that came with aiming the gun at him when you were surrounded by guards— you just had this thought that if you were going to die, you would drag him with you. he won't get to live after what he'd done.

you don't get to brood about your thoughts for long, because the door opens and he steps inside— a man dressed in black, with a creepy mask. it makes you feel uneasy. you touch your chest again, look at him with a questioning gaze.

“it was just a tranquilizer.” he answers your silent question, voice distorted through the mask.

“is this really necessary?” you ask dryly, rattling the chain on your right hand.

“do you feel comfortable?” the man asks, gesturing towards your clothes.

you grit your teeth, “cut the bullshit. who are you?”

the man sighs, looking down, as if disappointed. he looks at you again before taking off the mask, and you feel like throwing up.

his hair looks different — slicked back with gel. his eyes look tired, even more so than back at the games. he looks more intimidating this way. you feel a strong urge to leap across the bed and ruffle his hair so he can look familiar again.

you have so much to say.

why did you do this? who the fuck are you? how are you still here, when i so clearly remember shooting you?

“you're alive,” you instead remark dryly. young-il gives you a smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

“your aim needs more practice,” he says quietly, patting his right shoulder. “barely grazed me.”

the idea of having hurt him almost makes your chest ache, but you remind yourself of who he is.

you sniffle, lips wobbling as you look at him. your dear young-il. who comforted you, protected you, held you and kissed you so dearly. he really made a fucking fool out of you.

“and what's all that for?” you tilt your head towards his hand. trying to put on a mask, just like him. a brave face.

he places the mask on the table, walks over to sit on the side of the bed. you flinch, moving away from him slightly.

he notices, and it hurts more than getting shot. he doesn't dare reveal that on his face.

“is your name even young-il?” you ask quietly, voice strained.

he shakes his head. you snort bitterly.

“i'm guessing you're the big boss then.” you remark flatly, looking around the room. forcing yourself to appear nonchalant. he wants to tell you to drop the act, because he can still hear your voice faltering.

he nods, “something like that. i design the games.”

you bite down on your lower lip to stop it from wobbling. nobody knows the strength it takes trying not to cry. you lower your gaze to your lap.

your next question is pathetic. you would expect yourself to scream and threaten him to let you go, but there's only one thing on your mind.

“was i a game to you too?” you ask quietly. you don't want to know the answer. perhaps you would've preferred it if he killed you.

he sighs, averting his gaze. he utters your name softly, and you feel like a weak woman because you still like the way he says it.

your voice almost waivers when you ask, “are you going to hurt me?”

he looks at you, blinks a few times before answering honestly. “don't make me.”

you hold back the urge to sob. your left hand comes up to clap over your mouth, and he looks away as you cower in on yourself. how can he say that, after covering your eyes and pulling you into him to ensure you didn't get scared by people getting killed? you wish there was atleast a lamp on the side table, maybe you could've cracked his skull to free yourself from this fear. and to take revenge for playing with your heart.

“you ruined everything.” he admits, voice growing tight. solemn. he clenches his jaw, mouth twitching with barely disguised anger. “i went into the games because of gi-hun, to make sure he doesn't stop the game. and then ended up paying more attention to you than him.”

you release a shaky breath, pulling your knees to your chest. your mouth twists with emotion. gi-hun. player 456. your eyes widen, heart leaping out of your throat.

“is he okay?” you ask, voice cracking with concern, “is he alive?”

his head snaps up— gaze hardening almost dramatically. his eye twitches, and he gives you a tight smile. it doesn't suit him because it's not the one you're familiar with. “are you worried about him?”

you glare at him, eyes narrowing.

“he’ll be fine.” he adds nonchalantly. his voice sounds different— cold in a way that makes goosebumps rise on your skin. “would you rather be with him than me?”

you snort bitterly, looking away with a roll of your eyes. he can't be fucking serious. he has the audacity to be jealous after what he's done to you. he is so unbelievably ridiculous.

“put me back in the game.” you hiss through gritted teeth.

“i can't do that.” he shakes his head, “you will die in there. you won't survive the next games. i made sure they get increasingly difficult—”

“i'll win!” you argue, “i’ll beat them all and win, stop treating me like a fucking child—”

“you are a fucking child compared to me!” he bellows, making you flinch. your gaze never falters as you grit your teeth, looking at him with all the rage you can muster. he grabs your jaw, squishing your cheeks so hard that your lips pucker. he would've kissed you if he wasn't so fucking angry. his voice is harsh as he continues, shaking your head. “you! are quite literally a baby compared to me and the others in there. they're ruthless animals who won't hesitate to rip you apart to win. you're going to die in there and i wouldn't be there to save you!”

his words have your stomach churning, because he's right. but that doesn't matter to you.

“since when do you care?!” you snap challengingly. your words come out muffled.

he glares back at you, his nostrils flaring with anger, “i wish i didn't care.” he hisses, voice low. hoarse. he leans towards you. “oh how desperately i wish i didn't care about you.”

your heart begins to race as you stare at him, dumbfounded, unable to speak. he looks into your eyes, then glances down at your lips, before making eye contact again. he lets go of your face and straightens up, composing himself.

“you almost ruined my entire plan.” his voice is collected, almost guarded. “you consume my every waking thought ever since i felt your head against my chest. do you know how many times i had to warn my guards not to shoot you? especially with how many times you kept crossing the line?”

your breath hitches, and you open your mouth to argue. he doesn't give you a moment to speak.

“i'm not sending you back in the games where you can die.” he continues darkly. he brings his hand to tuck your hair behind your ear. the action is gentle— a stark contrast against what he previously did. the situation you're in, the kind of man he is. you blink at him, eyes teary. his gaze softens just slightly. “you made me promise not to abandon you. I don't plan to.”

“you're a sick man,” you whisper. you can't believe he's holding that against you— your promises from when he was deceiving you, “you designed those fucking games. you can stop them anytime you wanted. i got stuck here because of you, you killed all those innocent people. you're a sadistic, psychotic asshole—”

he shoots you a warning glare, pressing his hand against your mouth. “don’t test me, brat. ”

you sniffle, letting out a pained whimper. you push his hand off your mouth, “let me go.”

he looks unamused, “i can't do that.”

“were you not planning to leave me?” you try to reason with him, desperate. “when you left with the rest of the team? you wouldn't have come back after that—”

“i would've found a way to get you home.” he admits quietly. “i had a plan. but then you came running after me like the brat you are. you never listen.”

“then let me go now!” you protest heatedly. his words have your heart hurting. if that's true, then you're the one who sealed your fate. another impulsive decision ruined your life. “i told you about me. i told you about my mom! i miss her. she and my sister—" you almost choke on a sob as you croak the words out, the mere thought of them driving you to insanity, "they need me."

“i've settled your father's debt,” he mentions after a moment of silence, looking deeply into your eyes. he hopes it gives you some comfort, stops you from wanting to leave him. “you don't have to go back. they'll live a life of ease.”

your blood runs cold. that means he knows where they are.

“do you expect me to fucking thank you?” you can't hold back the tears rolling down your cheeks, shaking your head, “i wanna go home.” you sniffle, “you ruined our lives. you played with my feelings and my life. people are dead because of you. how can you say you'd have let me go home one moment, and then refuse it the next?”

"don't hurt them," you speak again, leaning forward almost pleadingly. perhaps you shouldn't piss him off. you're not the kind to beg for your life. but your family? now that's another thing. "please keep them out of this. dont hurt them, please."

"i won't," he says airily, his dark eyes deeply boring into yours, "not if you don't give me a reason to. just be good."

you sniffle, violently trembling. be good. you'll be good. for your family's sake.

his hands cup your face and you flinch. his thumbs brush the tears away. you avert your gaze. you can't meet his eyes— you resent him.

you resent yourself because his touch still makes you feel an odd sense of comfort.

"this is torture," you choke out, "why are you doing this to me?"

he says your name softly, guides your face up to look at him, “i’m selfish.” he admits. “the moments i spent with you.. was the happiest i've been in a… long, long time. i'm not ready to let go of that. ever. ”

he has lost everything. his wife, his baby. his brother. his humanity. only now he has control over his life, enough resources. he can change fate with a flick of his finger. he's not going to lose you, not after you've made him feel human again, for the first time in years. you've ripped open his ribcage and climbed inside, sealed it shut with your touch. he hasn't been needed by anyone like this— it gives him a sense of purpose. he doesn't trust himself to not lose his mind if you're ever out of his sight. he'll make sure you're by his side, where he can hold you and comfort you. whatever it takes.

you shake your head, lips wobbling. you try to pull away, your free hand coming up to hold onto his, to pry it off your face. he doesn't let up, instead climbing towards you and invading your personal space as he presses your foreheads together.

“i don't know about you kids, but in my time, pinky promises were a big deal,” he says lowly, the side of his mouth quirking up. he's trying to joke, he wants to see you smile again. the way you did when you looked at him— with stars in your eyes. like he's your hero. nothing else has ever made him feel more alive. “i’m afraid i can't let you go.”

you let out a shudder, squeezing your eyes shut as he pushes you till your back collides with the bed. you shake your head, voice tired. “just kill me.”

his face drops, and he looks at you coldly, “you think i'd have you here like this if i planned to kill you?”

you don't respond to that, your chest heaving. everything hurts. your head is pounding, and you feel faint.

his thumb brushes across your cheekbone. he looks at you tenderly, analyzing every feature of your face.

“you know, i really expected you to struggle harder against me.” he observes. the words make you feel embarrassed. your skin heats up with shame, and you clear your throat, looking anywhere but him.

he might be right, you think. you've struggled a little, yes, but he can tell you have the ability to be so much more insufferable. but you're not, not yet. it's fucked up. because even after everything, for some reason you can't seem to brush him off you. you can't seem to let go of the comfort and hope he provided you in one of the most terrifying moments of your life.

you convince yourself it's because your family's life is on the line. not because of your personal feelings.

you don't answer him. you don't have to either, because judging by the small smirk creeping on his face, he knows.

“i'll take care of you,” his face softens. he's trying to convince you. there's a desperate edge to his voice. you look so utterly beautiful to him— your complexion glowing even more because of the pink pyjamas he got for you. in that moment he makes a mental note of what color clothes he'd shower you in the most. “those people down there that you're so desperate to save? they would've thrown you under the bus to win. they don't care about you. i'll make sure you're safe. the life you were living before was worthless. let me look after you.”

“i hate you,” you whisper, voice cracking. another tear rolls down your cheek, and he wipes it away. you don't mean it. he presses a soft kiss to your forehead.

“i know.”

you don't get to speak again, because he tilts your head up and crashes his mouth onto yours in a bruising, punishing kiss. it makes you wince, and you choke on a soft sob. against your better judgement, you kiss him back.

the moment your mouth parts under his, he takes the chance to deepen the kiss, his tongue sliding in. he moans into your mouth, holding your face as he climbs over you completely. you contemplate biting his tongue off, but you don't. as if reading your mind, his hand comes down to gently squeeze your throat— just enough to make you feel a little lightheaded. you gasp softly, eyes blinking dazedly at him. he pulls his mouth away, then places a soft peck upon your lips. then another. and another. you take greedy breaths as you squirm under him. his hand leaves your throat and slips under your top and you jolt at the feeling of his warm hands against your tummy. his mouth trails down, leaving soft kisses across the smooth skin of your neck.

“you’re sick.” you gasp shakily, throwing your head back, giving him more room to place his wet kisses upon you.

“you're the one letting a man like me touch you,” he whispers hoarsely against your neck, voice slightly teasing. “maybe you're just as sick as i am.”

his words make you shiver. you consider them, and you force yourself to think of all the people back there in the hall, ready to march to their deaths tomorrow. your eyes open and you snap out of your trance.

you use your free hand to push slightly at his chest, gaze pleading, “don't kill them,” you whisper. “let them go. atleast our team. they're good people—”

“are you really doing this?” the switch in his voice has you quivering slightly. his hand comes up, grabs your hair. it stings just slightly. a warning. "do you think they would've been this desperate to save you?"

you let out a noise of protest, looking at him helplessly. trying to touch a string of empathy within him. he has none, not anymore.

“they knew what they were getting themselves into. there's no favoritism. you either win, or die.”

your ears ring, heart pounding against your chest. “then what am i?”

he smirks, his thumb brushing across your bottom lip.

“you're my little girl.” he noses the side of your neck. goosebumps rise on your skin, “don't bring that up again.”

you grit your teeth, feeling even more remorseful. is there no way to change his mind? even being responsive to his affection doesn't help.

but you're not being docile to change his mind.

you realize you're pliant because you like being under him.

your logical side forces you to speak. your guilty conscience doesn't allow you to get too comfortable under a killer. "this feels wrong."

he stops, clenches his jaw with restrained anger. he squeezes his eyes shut, mentally counts from 1-10 to avoid doing anything he might regret later.

"let me make you an offer," he pulls back, cocking his head to the side. his eyes are unreadable, voice flat, "i'll let them go on one condition."

your eyes widen with hope, and you nod enthusiastically, eager for him to speak.

"with every player i leave alive—" a small smirk appears on his face, despite his best efforts to hide it. "i'll kill someone you love."

the way terror seized you was suffocating. your throat immediately felt dry, eyes widening with shock. you stared at him, motionless, images of your family, your friends, flashing through your head. his hand gently splayed across your stomach, pressing down a little.

"a life for a life." he announced again, giving you a tight lipped smile, "how does that sound?"

"no." you warned, clasping his wrist desperately with your free hand, breathing rapidly. "no— no. please don't. i'll— i'll stay with you. i'll do anything you say, just—" you held back a sob, "please don't hurt them."

in life threatening situations— people only look out for two types of people. themselves, and the ones dearest to them.

he smiled fully then, amused. predictable, he thinks, before leaning back down, "then conversation's over."

"you made the right choice," he whispered. you didn't bother struggling, squeezing your eyes shut. his hand pulls down your top just enough. his mouth quite literally waters as he bites down on your exposed skin, leaving cherry red bruises across your collarbones.

you have no choice, you tell yourself. it's okay to get comfortable now. you couldn't have done anything.

you mewl, and he slips two of his fingers in your mouth, watching intently with a hungry gaze as you suck on them enthusiastically— just like back in the hall. your eyes flutter, and you mumble incoherently as his fingers gently thrust in and out of your mouth, pressing down on your tongue. it’s messy and sloppy, and the sight of your saliva slipping down your chin makes him moan softly, “my pretty baby.”

you whimper as his hand slides down to your bottoms. you wait with bated breath as you look at him with hazy eyes. his hand slips down into your panties, and a desperate moan escapes your bruised lips.

“i just want to ruin you,” he chuckles breathlessly, teasing your entrance. he hovers over you, looks at you like a starving man as he pinches your clit. you yelp slightly. he taunts you, gaze full of faux innocence as he raises his eyebrows. “does it hurt, huh, sweetheart? do you want daddy to make you feel good?”

“oh fuck—” the moment that word comes out of his mouth, in his soft, breathy voice— you moan. you're pathetic. it's whiney and high pitched and so utterly desperate, it makes him proud to get a reaction like that out of you. and suddenly he understands a little more why you got so attached to him. he pecks your lips again, and smirks against your mouth. he teases your entrance with a single finger.

you whine, “please.”

“what did you say, hm?” he pretends not to hear you, pushing two fingers in. you've never been brave enough to use two even while masturbating— and his are long and thick. the stretch makes you wince. “come on, baby, tell your old man what you said.”

you try to capture his lips with yours again in hopes that he would stop teasing you. he chuckles breathlessly, then lets out a soft moan at the way your walls clench around him.

“i’m a sadistic, psychotic asshole, right?” he throws your words back at you, and you wince. you squeeze your eyes shut, bite down on your lips to hold back a needy whine. his fingers pull back and then thrust again, curling slightly. his thumb goes to your clit, rubbing it. you take a sharp breath, squirming on the bed as you moan again. he doesn't let up, “is that not what you called me? and now you want me to make you feel good?”

his voice grows serious again, face hardening. his motions stop. “apologize.”

your eyes snap open, and you look at him, surprised. “huh?”

“apologize,” he repeats, “for everything you said earlier. and i'll consider making you cum.”

that gets you to clench your jaw. you glare at him with narrowed eyes, chest heaving with frustration. but you won't do it. if anyone should be apologizing— it's him. he was the one who deceived you and ruined your life. and he hasn't apologized even once. he must think you're stupid. hell would freeze over before you apologize.

you almost reconsider your decision— but then again, his threat only stands if he leaves the players alive. he didn't say anything about language. you shake your head, your previous stubbornness taking over. “not a chance in hell.”

he snorts, looking at you, unamused. his facial expressions don't change, but you can see it in his eyes. little things like a twitch give him away. your heart drops as he pulls his hand out completely, his fingers glistening and wet. he brings them to his mouth, sucks the juices off so casually that it leaves you dumbfounded and flustered.

“i have no patience for brats.” he nods, standing up. you stutter over your words, mouth opening and closing like a fish. much like it did when you first met.

“b-but—”

“i have some work to do.” he announces coldly. you wonder if he's going to do something bad. he's having the time of his life, sexually and emotionally tormenting you. “i'll be back in a bit. i asked the guards to bring you some chocolate milk. feel free to tell them your favourite food for dinner.”

the sudden change in events has you so unbelievably baffled that you can't say a thing as he begins to leave. it's brutal, and it almost makes you want to cry.

“sir?” you call out softly, almost timidly. unsure of how to address him. you're not going to take a risk.

he stops midway, before sighing to himself. he turns to you, looks at the desperation in your eyes.

“inho is fine.” he remarks flatly, swallowing hard. he doesn't know why he decided to reveal his name to you.

perhaps because it would give him another excuse to not let go of you.

you keep looking at him, a devastated expression on your face. like you're dying inside. and maybe you are.

your only source of comfort is gone. you'd gotten too used to it in the past few days. now you wish you'd never met him.

the emotion on his face is unreadable as he walks back to you. he places a soft kiss to your forehead and turns to leave. you grab his hand. the prospect of being alone leaves you terrified. maybe if you can convince him to stay, be good for him, he wouldn't hurt your loved ones. you'll behave.

you start to miss how things used to be.

if things were different, he would have come back to you. he would smile as he walked through the door, and you would finally feel your heart pumping blood as you run to him. he'd drop his gun and hold you, and you'd cry into his chest. he'd ask you if you caused any trouble, and you would take him to your bed and tell him everything. you would tell him that 149 called him your father, and he would laugh— his old man laugh which sounds so sweet and makes his eyes crinkle. he would ruffle your hair and say something along the lines of, ‘with how many times i've saved your ass, i might as well be.’

from a younger age, all you've ever desired is comfort, something you never received. someone to hold you when you cry, to take care of you. protect you. you're sick of being the tough one. the mere idea of it was so far away for you, that the first show of affection and reassurance had you getting this terribly attached. perhaps, inho's biggest crime was taking that away from you.

“inho.” you whisper, visibly crushed. you don't even feel horny anymore. you just miss his comfort, his soft words of reassurance. his laugh. your eyes grow teary. “please don't leave me.”

he looks at you, contemplating. he sighs defeatedly, before grasping your hand properly. it's so warm, and you choke on a soft sob as the reality of your situation sinks in again. you're done for. there's no escape. you're alone, and there's no one to save you. your young-il will not come swooping in to protect you, because he was never there in the first place. you don't even realize when you break down into heartbreaking sobs, breathing ragged.

he isn't used to showing much physical affection. not after what he went through, not until you. and now with you like this, something softens within him. he sits back down on the bed, wordlessly leaning into you, his arms open. you feel utterly pathetic at how quickly you crawl into his lap, burying your face in his chest. you feel like you're betraying your team, but do you have a choice? perhaps you did. you could've chosen to be tough and refuse his affection. but the stakes are different now. your family's life is on the line.

you never stood a chance, not after you met him.

and you don't want to think of a single instance where you don't get to experience being held by him.

your morals are more fucked than you thought. even after all the threats, after him practically forcing you to stay, you can't help but desire his affection. you'll be selfish for once. what could you have done anyway? you would've died in there, and your family would be alone. if what he said is true, atleast now they can live a life of ease without any debts.

as for your team, 456 will look out for them. he's alive, afterall.

you force your mind to be silent.

“i miss you,” you wail painfully, your free hand clutching the fabric of his shirt.

he holds you like a child, a hand pressing your head close, the other wrapping around your waist. he shushes you gently, pressing a soft kiss to your temple. he doesn't regret anything he did. you'd made him promise to come back for you, afterall. he always keeps his word. “i'm right here.”

you lean into his neck, and breathe in the smell of him. you squeeze your eyes shut till your sobs die down into the occasional hiccup. the stretch of your right hand and the rattling of the chains is another reminder of where you are.

perhaps if you stay hidden against his chest, you can try to convince yourself it's still your young-il holding you like this.

A/N: so! that's the end of dusk till dawn. this story truly was my joker. i tend to add a lot of psychological elements and character interactions so the fic feels more immersive and realistic, like you're really part of the game. i hope you liked it. can y'all tell who my favourite characters are? lol. also, i'm very horrible with smut so i really tried but i just can't write too much 💔 I'm mostly an angst girl as you can tell. anyways, this was a little self indulgent. thank you so much for the support you guys showed me, it truly means everything! i might write blurbs related to this specific couple from time to time, but no promises! maybe if i get good ideas or requests. anyways i rambled a lot. thank you for reading. feedback is always motivating.

tags: @bonelessghoul @cowuies @auspicious-lilana @politicstanner @verouys @gloriousjellyfisharcade @carolinevoight @shadowmoonlight0604 @ancrygurl @sunoon @jessgentleman @colorwastaken @loversroq @clown-around-and-find-out @popcorm @xcinnamonmalfoyx @robertthehoover @iloveoldermen0204 @kpopsmutty69 @iamkali

#raven writes #frontman x reader #the frontman x reader smut #hwang inho x reader #hwang inho x you #squid game x reader #squid game x reader smut #squid game fanfic #salesman x reader #player 001 x reader #player 456 #young-il x reader #lee byung hun x reader

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crushpunky · 3 months ago

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drew and actress!reader being the best couple for 10 minutes

masterlist | actress!reader masterlist

compilation of funny moments based on this ask <3

when they got too into playing the wii…

“Get off of my side!” Y/n squealed, hitting Drew with her hip as the two of them stood in front of the TV waving their Wii remotes around wildly. Madelyn panned the camera around the room, Just Dance played on the screen and the couch filled with the Outer Banks cast as they watched the couple play.

“I’m not on your fucking side!” Drew laughed, wedging himself in front of y/n, essentially blocking her view of the screen. The two of them continued dancing, bumping into each other and giggling as the intense game continued.

“Get down, get down!” Y/n laughed, jumping on Drew’s back like the character’s on the screen, the room erupting into cheers as Drew held onto y/n’s legs. The two of them started giggling, their entire bodies shaking with laughter as the game ended and they fell to the ground in a heap.

when y/n interrupted drew’s beauty sleep…

“Are you filming?” y/n asked JD as he held her phone, camera focused on Drew’s soft, sleeping face. JD nodded, his small giggles audible as he zoomed in on Drew on the couch. Y/n waved to the camera before holding up the box of crackers in her hand.

“My name is y/n y/ln and today JD and I are going to find out how many crackers we can put on Drew’s face before he wakes up.” Y/n whispered, digging in the box and placing a cracker on Drew’s forehead.

“One.” Y/n said. JD stifled his laughter as he handed the phone back to y/n, grabbing a cracker from the bag. With a dramatic flourish, JD gently placed a cracker on Drew’s ear, the man not even moving the slightest.

“Two.” JD said. The two of them continued, passing the phone back and forth as they placed more and more crackers on Drew’s sleeping face.

“Four–” y/n giggled as she placed another cracker, “–teen.”

Drew let out a groan, his eyes blinking open slowly. He lifted his hand to his face, wiping one of the crackers away from his eyes as y/n and JD collapsed into laughter.

“What the fuck?” Drew grumbled as he lifted one of the crackers, examining it groggily before his lips curled into a confused smile.

“Fourteen,” y/n said to the camera. “Fourteen is the number of crackers we can put on Drew Starkey’s face before he wakes up!”

when they weren’t paying attention in an interview…

Drew and y/n sat next to each other, both of them staring at each other as Chase and Madelyn answered a question from the interviewer. The camera picked up Drew mouthing something to y/n, causing her arm to shoot out and grab him. Her movement a bit too quick, her already unstable chair wobbled, sending y/n tumbling to the floor with a squeal.

“Oh [bleep]!” Y/n swore, laughing as she climbed back into her chair. The entire cast turned around, their faces confused.

“What is going on back there?” Madison laughed, y/n smoothing her dress down as she settled into her seat.

“I have no idea. I am not involved.” Drew said, a smirk dancing on his lips.

“You are such a liar!” Y/n groaned, elbowing Drew lightly as he bit his lip, attempting to hold back laughter.

when y/n saw drew’s new hair…

“Ok, are you ready?” Drew asked, sneaking up behind y/n with his new platinum hair. Y/n stood with her back to Drew, nodding enthusiastically as Drew placed his hands on her hips. He had convinced her to film it under the guise that he was shaving it all off again, his hair getting quite long, but what he left out was that he was also bleaching it the color she had expressed her love for in the past.

“I already miss your long hair.” Y/n said with a faux pout as Drew ran his hands along her sides before spinning her around to face him.

“Oh my god!” Y/n gasped, her hands flying over her mouth. Drew smiled, tilting his head down so she could get a closer look at his short, icy hair.

“What do you think?” Drew asked, raising his eyebrows as y/n continued to look at him silently.

“You look like young President Snow.” Y/n giggled, her hands running along his head lightly.

“What?” Drew laughed, furrowing his brows as y/n continued to admire his hair.

“It’s a good thing. I promise. He’s hot, just like you.” Y/n said, biting her lip before pressing a kiss to Drew’s still very much confused face.

when they went to the club…

Madison filmed as Drew, Chase, and Austin danced in sync, grins on their faces as they danced humorously. She panned the camera around to y/n, who stood staring at them, her brows furrowed and a drink in her hand.

“I don’t think y/n likes it.” Madison laughed, causing y/n to grimace at the camera before turning back to the boys’ dramatic and embarrassing dance moves.

“Oh no, oh no!” Madelyn laughed as Drew danced over towards y/n, his eyes locked on her as he took her hand. Handing her drink off to Madison, y/n followed him as he spun her around, the two of them laughing as they stumbled along the dance floor. With a flair, Drew dipped y/n down, causing the rest of the cast to let out gasps before erupting with laughter.

“Drew!” Y/n squealed as he brought her back up to her feet, dancing around her with a smirk on his lips.

“How about that?” Drew said into the camera before grabbing y/n by the waist, spinning her around to pull her into his chest.

when they made a tik tok…

Y/n and Drew sat on the couch opposite each other, y/n holding her phone as they started their video:

“I’m passing the phone to the person who is always on their damn phone but never answers my texts.” Y/n said. The video cut to Drew, a smile on his lips.

“I’m passing the phone to the person who always has a stomachache.” Drew laughed.

“I’m passing the phone to the person who once got so drunk he fell asleep on the kitchen counter and—” y/n giggled, Drew gasping behind the camera, “Chase had to carry him back to his room.”

“Ok, so we’re doing that.” Drew said once he got the phone. “I’m passing the phone to the person who once farted so loudly—”

“Drew Starkey, no!” Y/n said off camera.

“...who once farted so loudly while we were babysitting my niece she made her cry.” Drew finished, laughing loudly, leaning off the couch. A loud crash sounded before the video abruptly cut to y/n, tears in her eyes as she keeled over in laughter.

“I’m passing the phone to the person who just spilled an entire bottle of wine on our brand new couch.” Y/n laughed, panning to the large, red stain on their couch before panning up to Drew, who was picking up the overturned bottle with a groan.

“I am the person who spilled an entire bottle of wine on our brand new couch.” Drew said with a thumbs up.

when they couldn’t get through a scene…

Y/n and Drew stood opposite each other, clad in swimsuits despite the freezing cold air around them. They were shooting a scene where their characters, Caroline and Rafe, shared an intense moment, Caroline following Rafe as he drunkenly stumbled down the beach

Take 1

“You can just [bleep] whoever you—” y/n said in character, but stopped once Drew’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Oh, sorry I forgot… not allowed to say that.” Y/n giggled.

Take 2

“You can just sleep with whoever you want and I’m just supposed to wait around for you?” Y/n scoffed, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Uh… yeah?” Drew furrowed his brows, turning to face her with a drunken smile on his face. Y/n tried her best to bite back a laugh but failed, her hand covering her mouth.

Take 3

“You can just sleep with whoever you want and I’m just supposed to wait around for you?” Y/n crossed her arms across her chest. Drew spun around, but misplaced his foot, causing him to stumble.

“[beep]!” Drew swore, catching himself just before he face planted into the sand.

Take 4

“You can just sleep with whoever you want and I’m just supposed to wait around for you?” Said with a huff.

“Uh… yeah.” Drew said, cocking his head to the side as he looked at y/n, a drunken smirk on his face. Y/n scowled, shaking her head.

“You’re an asshole, Rafe.” Y/n scoffed, biting her lip as she gazed at Drew with disgust. A shocked expression fell over Drew’s face, him taking a dramatic step backwards.

“An asshole?” Drew said incredulously, causing the two of them to break into giggles.

Take 5

“An ASS-hole?” Drew scoffed, y/n giggling.

Take 6

“An asshole?” Drew gasped, a smile wide on his face.

Take 7

“An asshole?” Drew scoffed, taking a step forward. Y/n took a step away from him, a look of disgust on her face.

“Yes, you’re an asshole. Don’t call me.” Y/n spat, turning on her heel and leaving Drew behind. He kicked at the sand in front of him, mumbling to himself lowly.

“Cut! We got it!” The director shouted, y/n turning back around and running full speed at Drew, tackling him into the sand.

when drew set off the smoke alarm…

Y/n wheezed behind the camera as she filmed Drew, a panicked expression on his face as the smoke detector blared in the background.

“Shit! Shit!” Drew laughed, reaching into the oven with a dish towel. He pulled the pizza (now burnt to a crisp) out before running through the apartment. Y/n followed him, stumbling with laughter as he flung the backdoor open before throwing the pizza onto the concrete.

“Oh my god!” Y/n squealed, dumping a glass of water onto the pizza. With a sizzle, the smoldering pizza melted into the patio.

“Holy shit.” Drew panted, leaning over to catch his breath as he looked down at the smoking pizza. Y/n continued laughing behind the camera, zooming in on Drew as he shook his head.

“You’re never cooking pizza again.” Y/n laughed, causing Drew to whip his head to the side and look directly into the camera, his mouth agape.

#drew starkey #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey x actress!reader #actress!reader

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queenpiranhadon · 6 months ago

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So, it's basically canon that Pro Heroes come to assist heroes in training at UA, right?

Just imagine the horror the new generation of heroes would face when they realize that their opponent for training that day is none other than the Number Two Pro Hero, Dynamight.

It's a hero team vs villain simulation - a joint practice between both hero course classes - Katsuki basically has free range to destroy the mock city UA had built and the students had to prevent him from doing so, which was really just a waste of money because of the Pro Hero's already destructive tendencies.

He already had to regulate himself for Pro Hero work, so this was really just waving the reg flag in front of the bull.

Needless to say, they all got their asses kicked, all 40 of them. Whether it was due to falling debris or evading explosions, all of them were forced to wave their white flags eventually.

The students weren't so much in shock, they were in awe, of how a Pro Hero could be so powerful and intimidating, and well...badass.

Their main takeaway? Katsuki Bakugou was an impenetrable force to be reckoned with.

Or... at least for a few minutes.

You can imagine the shock on their faces when the grim and serious expression on Dynamight's face melts instantly when he hears a voice speak up behind him.

"Katsuki, if you keep frowning all the time, you're going to get wrinkles."

He turns around, a rare smile stretching across his face as he stares at you, his wife, like you're the only person in the world at that moment, like you're the only one that matters.

"Tch. I don't get wrinkle lines, woman. Yer just seein' things."Despite his slight harsh words, they're softer, somehow, and the happy twinkle in his eyes is unmistakable.

The students gape at each other. The Dynamight, Katsuki Bakugou , in love? The same pro hero that was wreaking havoc and creating carnage in his wake was the same one now staring at his wife with a dopey grin and peppering kisses across your face.

"Katsuki!" You whine, but it looses its credibility as you start to laugh at his antics. "What's gotten into you, huh?" you ask, a little softer, so that only he could hear.

He looks at you, a soft look in his eyes as he kisses you gently and lovingly pulling away to admire your pretty face.

"M'just feeling sentimental I guess... We were probably their age when we started dating huh?" He says, referring to the students.

You snort, recalling the time when Katsuki first asked you out. "Aww...is my baby feeling sentimental? You were a dork back then."

Katsuki looks offended and his grumbles, nipping your jawline in annoyance."Oi. I was not a dork back then. If anything, Izuku was the dork."

You smile teasingly, kissing his nose, effectively shutting your explosive husband up.

"Is that so? Because I recall you had your All Might posters set up in chronological order of his costume eras."

Katsuki's ears turn red and his large hand wraps around the back of your hand, burying your face in his chest.

"Shaddup woman. Yer the one who fell for this dork in the first place."

You laugh, your voice muffled by his chest, but he can still hear you just fine. Looking up at him you smile.

"You may be a dork, but you're my dork."

The students watch is abosolute shock, mouth gaping open as they wonder how the hell you were able to render Katsuki Bakugou to the sappy man they saw in front of them.

A/N: He's so silly I love him 🥰

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rose-petles · 4 months ago

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니키 - ruined make-out sessions -> N.NK

Warning → Kissing / Making out.

Paring → Clingbf!Niki x SoftieGfFem!Reader

Synopsis → Its been two months since he has kissed your lips.

You jumped when you placed your toothbrush back in the holder and looked into the mirror, only to find niki standing there behind you.

He giggled as he put his arms around you, pulling your back against his chest before he laid her chin on your shoulder.

"You scared me."

Your eyes locked in the mirror and he pouted sadly.

"Sorry. I just couldn't stand being away from you for another minute."

You turned around and looped your arms around his neck to pull him closer if that was even possible now.

"It's been two months since I last saw you. Two months without your arms around me, without being able to kiss you." He whispered the last part against your lips as he leaned in to steal another lingering kiss from your lips.

"I love being on tour. Don't get me wrong. You know being on tour. Don't get me wrong. You know how much I love it. But it's not easy being so far away from my girl."

You hooked your fingers under his chin, already craving the taste of his lips again. He breathed out a soft sigh as he gently laid his hand on your cheek, wanting to feel your soft and warm skin against his fingertips.

"I've missed you too, nini. So much."

You quickly melted into his kisses and hid touch as he let his hands roam along your body. He suddenly started to walk backward until he led you out of the bathroom and into the hotel room where you fell onto the mattress, fingers intertwined.

He pulled away to stare at you adoringly for a moment. You were wearing his shirt. It was nothing new. You find yourself stealing them all the time.

He even left his favorites behind for you, spraying his perfume on the fabric to let his smell linger until the day you reunited; which came much sooner than he expected, thanks to your wonderful surprise visit today.

He dropped his forehead onto yours and pecked your lips as he kept his eyes locked with yours.

You looked pulchritudinous, just laying there all smiles while you stared at his endearingly and eagerly awaited the next brush of her lips on your own.

"I'm so happy you're here." He whispered before trailing kisses to your neck.

"Me too, niki. I missed you lots." You mumbled as you tilted your head back and closed your eyes to let more of your skin be kissed lovingly by the sweet brush of his lips.

He put his fingers under your chin a moment later because as much as he loves kissing your neck and hearing those sighs fall from your lips, he loves the taste of your lips and the way they move against his own.

He deepened the kiss and brushed his fingers along your skin. You jumped when he lifted up his shirt you had on and his warm fingers fell to your skin.

But his touch was so calming, so doting, and after two long months without feeling his passionate touch, you basked in every second of his concupiscent caresses.

You held him close, so close that you could feel every swift beat of his heart against your own.

You couldn't help the soft sigh that fell from your lips as he pulled away from your lips once more to kiss and gently bite at your skin.

He’s missed you an inexpressable amount and he planned on showing you just how much; by loving on you and holding you as tight as she could.

But just as his lips brushed against that one special spot on your neck, the door of the hotel room was opening and you both jumped in shock.

Jake stood wide-eyed, looking just as shocked as you and Niki.

Niki cleared her throat awkwardly while you buried your face in his neck. Your cheeks were redder than ever before and niki would usually tease you for that, but his ears were just as red.

"Jake? What's up?"

"Uh," Jake mumbled and shook his head, trying to think of why he walked into the room in the first place.

"You didn't knock?" Niki wondered.

"No, I did. And Sunoo and Heeseung called before that. But neither of you answered and now we know why." He tried to crack a joke, but you were all too shocked and too awkward to laugh.

"Sunghoon wanted to know if you wanted to go out?Y/n's here, it's her first night, and we thought we'd do something fun to celebrate but... I think you found other ways to celebrate." You whined in embarrassment and niki shook his head.

"We'll be down in a few minutes."

Jake never left a room so fast before, simply nodding and slamming the hotel door behind him.

You and Niki stared at each other for a moment before he climbed off of you.

"Well. the next week should be fun. Having to look Jake in the eyes after that."

Niki chuckled and reached for your hand.

"Yeah. But I'll take the teasing. At least I've got you here and that's all that matters to me."

You laid your head on his shoulder and she kissed your head lingeringly.

"I feel the same way, nini."

He turned your cheek and leaned in for another kiss. But you pulled away quickly, taking him by the hand and leading her to the bathroom.

"Come on, we gotta get ready. The boys are waiting for us."

He whined as you dragged him into the bathroom to get ready, already craving your kisses again.

Back to -> | Navagation | Masterlist

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lieslab · 1 month ago

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If we could only turn back time

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Chan X gn reader

Summary: After a Dispatch article leaks, your betrayed boyfriend kicks you out of your shared apartment and you're silenced in the worst way possible.

Genre: Angst with a happy ending

Word Count: 5.1K

Trigger warning: Misunderstood trope, physical assault, anger, yelling, a car accident, plus graphic descriptions of physical injuries, and doctors/hospitals.

A/N: I had three hours of sad One Direction music, one request, and a dream. Requestee, you asked for angst and I have given it my all. I hope this meets every expectation and more <3

_ _ _

You were the light of Bang Chan’s life. At least, that’s what he thought. For months, his love grew for you. Over time, he opened up more and more. You crawled into his heart and made yourself at home.

And then you tore it open.

He thought he finally had the love of his life, but it turns out, you were just like the others. Not really loving him, but dragging along, clinging onto clout, and when the next man came, you jumped with both feet. You didn’t even say goodbye, but neither did he.

There was no warning for either of you. One day, the two of you were head over heels for each other. The next, everything fell apart. Hearts cracked like stained glass. Tears fell, but the words from both of you didn’t provide the comfort the other so desperately craved.

In the end, two hearts ripped apart. The world tipped in the wrong direction. You both lost your footing and for weeks, nothing would be the same for either of you, ever again.

~ ~ ~

When you came home from buying groceries, the apartment was quiet, like usual. Chan’s warm presence had been gone since this morning. Up at the crack of dawn, he disappeared to continue making his dreams come true.

You missed him when he was gone, just as he missed you, but dreams were important. No matter what happened between the two of you, it was the one thing you both agreed that it was important. No matter where your life took you, the most important thing was keeping focused on your dreams.

Yes, the two of you were in love, but that wasn’t stopping either of you from pursuing your passions. Not yet engaged, the two of you vowed to be supportive of each other. Through thick and thin, in the risky moments, and everything in between; you swore to be there for one another.

Your bare feet glided across the tile floor with ease. Without Chan, the apartment felt empty, but that didn’t stop you from trying to make it feel warm and fuzzy. Over on the side counter, you turned on the candle warmer. Maybe by the time Chan got home, the apartment would be full of a welcoming vanilla buttercream.

You swore his cologne had hints of vanilla. He disagreed with you and insisted you didn’t know your scents. Just to prove a point, you bought the vanilla candle, and yet, he refused to see it.

He could be stubborn like that sometimes. Certain things he couldn’t see. No matter how hard and how obvious you attempted to make these things, he refused to see them. Sometimes, it was more frustrating than anything, but you learned to deal with every part of him; the good and the bad.

You had your own set of flaws, too. Out of everyone existing in the world, there was nobody that you wanted to be with more than Chan. The two of you were still so young. There was a lifetime of adventures and fun to have. You were hoping the relationship between the two of you would last forever.

It ended when Chan stormed through your front door. The bang of the front door slamming against the sidewall sent your heart racing. You grabbed a can of peas for defense and held your breath.

Footsteps stormed through your living room. Your fingers turned pale around the can. A sigh of relief fell from you when you saw the furrow on Chan’s face. “Holy shit, you scared the crap out of me. What’s wrong, baby? What happened?”

You put down the can and walked towards him. Your hands stretched out to grab his face. To your surprise, he swatted them away. Your eyes widen at the faint sting. “What are you-”

“You don’t get to baby me after what you did!”

“I-I did something? What did I-”

“Shut up! You don’t get to pretend like you don’t know! You know I’ve felt like a piece of shit because I can’t be here twenty-four-seven! You know I travel for work and yet you still choose to hurt me in the worst way possible!”

Confusion filled your face and it just pissed him off more. He jerked his Samsung phone from his pocket. You watched as he typed in the password. Your actions from the past few days rolled through your head like stop-motion. Each silent click, more scenes filled your head.

None of them stood out. You couldn’t recall what you did wrong, but Chan was furious. Your mouth opened, but words didn’t come out. He flipped the screen to find the bold words of a Dispatch article. Your heart hit the ground with a sickening splat.

Trouble in paradise: A Rocky Road Ahead For Stray Kids’ Bang Chan’s Romantic Relationship.

Attached, two photos of you grinning at another JYP idol from another group. In one, you were waving at them. In another, you were leaning over and hugging them.

“It’s not what it looks like!”

“Really? Because you know what it looks like to me? It looks like you were attempting to hide a close relationship with someone in a younger group.”

“That’s not true! Chan, it’s Dispatch! You can’t possibly believe that I-”

“I want you out of my apartment.”

Your face fell at his words. “You…you wouldn’t. Please, just let me explain and I-”

“When have you ever talked about him? Never! You’ve never been close to another idol! Yet now, you’re hugging him?”

“Chan, please!”

“Get out!”

“But-”

“Out!” His voice raised. “Get your stuff and get the fuck out of my apartment! Don’t bother coming back!”

The words were loud enough to frighten you. You left the grocery bags scattered on the kitchen island and took off. Tears filled your eyes. You wanted to explain, but he kept cutting you off.

Too heated to think about the situation, his insecurities got the best of him. In the kitchen, he slumped against the counter with his head in his hands. Warm tears filled his eyes at the sound of your sniffles.

He wanted to comfort you, but the hurt was too much. He grew to love you with everything he had and within one Dispatch article, his swollen heart popped. How could you do this to him? After everything the two of you had been through, why did you have to ruin it?

Tears blurred your vision and you didn’t look back. You jerked items from the closet and tossed them in your suitcase. Grabbing handfuls from each of your dresser drawers, you tossed them in with everything. Even the toiletries, you didn’t have time to organize them.

Chan wanted you to go, so you’d leave. At the end of the day, this was his apartment. You paid rent, but his name was the first on the contract. He paid the down payment, not you.

You gave him one last desperate look as you passed by, but he didn’t see it. His name fell from your mouth in a weak croak, but he didn’t pull his hands from his eyes. “Please, just go away.”

You spun around, gripped your suitcase tighter, and then you did.

~ ~ ~

All night, you drove around without a destination in mind. You refused to call one of Chan’s members and plead for help. It’d only stir up drama in the group. That was the last thing you wanted.

Numbness hung over your head. You still couldn’t believe everything that happened a few hours ago. If he would have listened, he would have understood. The tears dried up a while ago, but the empty feeling in your chest didn’t go away.

Seoul’s late afternoon crept into another dark night. Gray blotted skies drifted into a pitch black. Neon lights reflected off the paint on your car, but the warm colors didn’t warm your heart.

The car felt lonely without Chan. You’d give anything to hear his laughter from beside you. The playful banter while he reminded you to turn on the correct turn signal. It’d been a constant inside joke between the two of you. Ever since you accidentally flicked on the wrong signal and turned the wrong way, he’d never let it go.

The way he tipped his head forward. Messy tendrils of dark hair fell over his forehead. His squeaky laugh warmed your heart. Such a far comparison from the anger that rattled the apartment walls earlier.

You poked his dimples between the stoplights. On nights when the two of you wanted to get away from everyday life, you found peace in this car. You’d drive and be in control for once. He’d sit beside you with a hand on your thigh.

Simple conversations filled the car. Love pooled between the two of you. Shared laughter, quiet conversations, and the secret getaway that your car provided you’d do anything to turn back time.

You loved him for a reason. You always had and you always would. Just because photos told one story, it didn’t mean they told the entire story. Snippets didn’t capture the truth. The context was important, but Chan was too distraught tonight.

Too stressed out. Too angry. Too frustrated. Things built up and that article was the breaking point. Those photographs became thorns in your relationship. In one day, the roses wilted. Withered petals gathered at your feet.

Tomorrow would be better, you reassured yourself as you drove. Tomorrow, Chan would realize he was wrong. He jumped the gun in this situation. In the morning, he’d call you and apologize.

Tomorrow, you’d be welcomed home with a heartfelt apology and a bouquet of fresh flowers. A glass full of red wine, sweets, and a home cooked dinner. Tomorrow, things will be okay again. These tears were temporary. This hurt wouldn’t last forever.

At a stoplight, you grabbed your phone and dialed Changbin’s number. On speaker phone, you waited and waited, but he didn’t pick up. If anyone would know the truth and be able to rationalize Chan’s brain, it was him.

The red light from the stoplights highlighted faint tear streaks. You sniffled, wiping your long sleeve across your dripping nose. Your eyes shut and your voice cut out and quivered as you spoke.

“Please know that I didn’t mean to cause him or you guys any harm. I ran into him the other day and asked if he could help teach me a dance. He’s one of JYP’s best dancers and I know Stray Kids are busy. His group is on break and I just thought I could surprise Chan with a dance.”

“Saying it out loud, I get that it’s stupid now. I was just hoping it’d cheer him up. He’s been so stressed lately. I thought the least I could do was make him laugh.”

“If you get a chance and if he’s willing to hear it, please let him know I love him. I love him and I’m sorry. Dispatch is stupid and I hate them. You can even ask that idol and he’ll tell you the same thing. I’m so sorry, Changbin. I’ll talk to you later. I have to find a place to stay tonight.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and shut your eyes. After clicking the end call button on your phone, you threw the device into your passenger’s seat. Maybe if you were lucky, Chan would hear out Changbin. Level-headed and rational, you knew Chan appreciated the advice he gave out.

A car horn honked behind you. Your eyes quickly reopened and the green light stared back at you. Unblinking, you grumbled beneath your breath. “I’m going, I’m going, geez.” You inched out into the intersection, expecting to continue going straight.

You weren’t expecting your car to jerk left. Your screams blended with the sound of crushing metal. Orange sparks flew. The sickening scent of burnt rubber and diesel hit your nose. Your seatbelt cut into your neck and briefly cut off your air flow.

The last thing you remembered was the horn of the semi-truck vibrating your entire car.

~ ~ ~

It wasn’t Dispatch that was the first one to find out about the devastating car accident; instead, it was Jeongin. He sucked in a deep breath as he walked into the hospital. Last night, after struggling with the flu, someone admitted his friend to the hospital.

He mumbled beneath his breath, trying to figure out what to say. A blue medical mask sat over his nose and mouth. He knew to keep his distance, but he still felt awful that they were here.

Hospitals were lonely. In the brief moments when families and friends disappeared. When the nurses were following their routine rounds and doctors were checking in on other patients, people were left alone. The isolating white walls. The uncomfortable piercing beeps from the heart rate monitor. The cold IV drips, distributing medicine directly into the bloodstream.

Surgical stitches ached. Disease weighed heavily upon the lungs. Intubation and the mechanical push and pull of oxygen and carbon dioxide. Hospitals were the opposite of warm and welcoming. Cold and sterile, he rather wished his friend was at home.

The colorful bouquet of multicolored flowers was the brightest thing in the hallway. Closed doors with numbers passed by as he walked. The nurse’s announcement of his friend’s room number echoed in his head.

It dissipated when he heard your name from a nurse in a cracked room. Before he knew it, he was pushing the door open and stepping inside. On the hospital bed, you were unrecognizable. Scrapes and cuts laced your face. Both plum purple eyes swelled shut.

The right side of your face puffed up unnaturally. Black stitches poked out from the bottom of your lip. That was just your face. That wasn’t beginning to touch the cast on your arm and the rest of your body hidden beneath the blue covers.

He knew it was you. He recognized the promise ring on your ring finger. He had helped Chan pick it out. He glanced around, searching for Chan, but he wasn’t there.

“Are you lost?”

He glanced up to find the nurse. Her blonde hair tied back in a high ponytail. She observed him through black, circular-rimmed glasses.

He shook his head and repeated your name. The nurse frowned and he pointed to you. “Is this-”

“Are you family?”

“Brother.”

You weren’t biologically related, but it felt true deep down.

~ ~ ~

Changbin tried to bring the situation up to Chan, but every time he spoke your name, Chan would shut down. From what Changbin knew, Chan didn’t know what happened to you. The rest of the guys did, but they all received the same results. Every time they spoke your name, Chan grew irritated and short-tempered.

“I don’t want to talk about them! Stop bringing them up! Enough!”

The charming and charismatic leader unraveled at the seams. His heart was full of love for you and you ruined it. That wasn’t something he took lightly. The hurt oozed out in other ways.

His songs weren’t coming together as easily anymore. He used to get your feedback when he went home, but now the apartment was empty. The bed was colder without you. He was lonely, but he wouldn’t admit it.

He snapped during dance practice. After he snapped at a manager, a manager lectured him about authority and respecting his elders. Nobody understood the hurt that he was going through. It didn’t help that Dispatch began showing up and bothering him.

They could take all the pictures they wanted. He’d never give them the satisfaction of breaking his heart. Instead of listening, he put on his airpods and cranked up the music. He shoved through the camera flashes with his baseball hat low and a face mask covering the rest of his face. They didn’t deserve to turn his heartbreak into entertainment.

He’d never let them break him. They already did it once. You were gone and the longer you went without a call or a text, he assumed they were right. They caught you cheating and you accepted it. You didn’t fight for your relationship.

You didn’t call and beg for him to take you back. You didn’t call and try to explain. He sent you one text, but you never opened it. He was at a complete loss without you.

Some would call him stubborn for it, but he’d say that he was just trying to protect himself from more hurt.

~ ~ ~

The lonely days for you didn’t stay lonely for long. Jeongin discovered you hours after your accident. The days slipped by, but you weren’t alone anymore. Unconscious and pumped full of medicine, sure. They were far from lonely.

Every evening, the guys took turns hanging out beside your bed. Seungmin would sing the songs you liked. Jeongin told you funny stories of Chan, trying to bring you back to consciousness. Minho brought you warm comments from the fans who found out about your accident. The rest of the guys had their own things, but Chan’s voice never filled the room.

Stuck in a coma, things were dark. Occasionally, you could hear the beeping of your machines. You could feel your lungs expand and compress unnaturally. Your body felt like a shell more than anything. Voices came and went, but never Chan’s.

In the darkness, you couldn’t see. You weren’t sure if you were dead or not. Stranger’s voices appeared in soft whispers and then they faded. You weren’t sure what was going on, but you knew you were exhausted.

Those audible voices and sounds never lasted for long. You couldn’t feel pain. Every sensation within you felt numbed. A heavy fog filled your head and something clouded your vision.

You attempted to open your eyes every so often, but they didn’t budge. Someone glued them shut. Every limb tingled with tiny pins and needles. You didn’t know if this was death, but it didn’t feel comforting. Somewhere between the realm of the living and dead, doctors kept you in a medically induced coma.

How else could they heal the swelling of your brain? ~ ~ ~

“I can’t take this anymore!” Felix cried out. He shoved himself from the chair and pulled out his phone. “This is such bullshit! I’m tired of keeping this from him.”

“Well, we’ve tried. What do you propose we do? Tell him to get to the hospital without mentioning his significant other’s name?” Seungmin crossed his arms over his chest. “Good luck. We’ve tried everything and it’s been twenty-something days.”

“Actually, that’s exactly what we should do. How much longer can this go on for? This is pathetic, even for him! I get that he’s hurt, but look at them!” He reached over and gestured towards your bed.

You remained intubated and unmoving. The swelling in your puffy eyes faded a little more each day, but they still looked awful. The stitches in your lips disappeared, but a fresh pink scar remained.

Swirls of purple and blue smeared along your face. Broken bones reset and were on the mend. You were a living miracle. The first responders were afraid you wouldn’t make it, but when they pulled you from the wreckage, you continued breathing.

So he unlocked his phone and hit Chan’s contact name.

“Hello?”

“Chan?”

“Yeah?”

“You need to get to the hospital right now. Call me when you get here.”

“WHAT?”

“I can’t talk. Just call me when you get here.”

“Felix!”

He grimaced and hung up the phone. Seungmin shook his head and rolled his eyes. “You probably gave him a heart attack. He’s going to kill you when he gets here, you know?”

“That’s a problem for later.” ~ ~ ~

Chan flew from his apartment. His heart pounded in his chest and he couldn’t breathe. Losing you was hard enough. If anything happened to a member of his group, he’d never forgive himself.

“Come on, come on!” He fumbled with his seat belt in one hand. With the other, he swung his car door shut. In seconds, he jerked the car in reverse and slammed the pedal.

He lurched down the driveway, spun the wheel with a rubbered squeal, and shifted the car into drive. The engine roared and he sped down the road.

What-ifs grew stronger on the way to the hospital. His breath caught in his throat and he struggled to stay calm. Last he knew, everyone was fine so what happened? Who? How bad was it?

The moment he parked, he whipped out his phone and dialed Felix’s number. When Felix responded, his voice came out frantic. “I’m here! Where are you?”

“Room one-twelve. I’ll meet you half-way. I’ll see you soon.”

“Wait, who is-”

Click.

“Fucking hell!” He cried out. He grabbed the keys, sped from the car, and rushed towards the automatic door.

Everything was a blur inside. Voices appeared from the waiting room. The receptionist glanced over the front desk and eyed him, but she didn’t stop him. He glanced left and right and opted to go left.

The carpet disappeared beneath his feet and turned into squeaky clean white vinyl. An easy material to clean and disinfect daily. He rushed forward when he saw Felix appear down the edge of the hall.

The squeak of his shoes didn’t matter. He ignored the doctor he passed that told him to stop running. By the time he reached Felix, he grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him closer. “Who is it? What happened? Tell me!”

“Just, come on.”

“Felix!”

Felix didn’t budge. He grabbed Chan’s wrist and pulled him along. His chest filled with anxiety and his lungs compressed. When the pair appeared at the right door, Felix dropped his wrist and slowly pushed the door open.

He expected to find Han or Jeongin. A broken and battered Hyunjin or Changbin hooked to oxygen. This was the intensive care unit. This was for the severe cases. The patients that required a close eye and keen detailing.

Upon seeing you, his face fell. The bruising upon your face. The tube down your throat. Your lifeless skin and unmoving limbs. There was no sign of the life the two of you created.

No reassuring smiles, or laughter. Seungmin sat solemnly beside your bed in a chair. “I’m shocked that you finally made it.”

“What the hell happened?” He hurried to the opposite side of your bed. His hand reached out, but he didn’t touch you. Too frightened by your state, he didn’t know where he could touch without causing you pain.

“Try their hand,” an unfamiliar voice spoke up. He whirled around to find a nurse in blue scrubs. “Their hands survived the crash. You can touch their hands if you wish.”

“Sorry, I came in to get some vitals. It’ll only be a few moments and then I can leave you alone. Visiting hours are open until eleven o’clock tonight. I’ve never seen you here before, so I thought you should know.”

“How long have they been like this?” He whispered. Tears filled his eyes and his heart ached.

“Since the night you told them to leave your apartment.”

“What?”

“Felix!” Seungmin’s voice shot out sternly. “It’s not like that, Chan. Yes, the accident happened that night, but don’t beat yourself up over it. A driver of a semi-truck was speeding and couldn’t stop in time.”

“That was nearly a-”

“I’m sorry, hyung.” Felix’s hand appeared on his shoulder. “We tried to tell you, but every time we tried to utter their name, you were angry. We should have found a better way to tell you, but…” He trailed off, unsure of what else to say.

The nurse grabbed your vitals and disappeared to give the guys time with you. Chan collapsed to his knees and grabbed your hand with both of his. For nearly a month, you’d been stuck in this bed. He thought you’d given up on the relationship with him.

This entire time you haven't texted him back. Not because you were angry. Not because you were sad. Not because Dispatch’s rumors were true. But it was because you physically couldn’t. Intubated and trapped in a medically induced coma, you couldn’t reach out, even if you wanted to.

“I’m so sorry,” he croaked. “I’m so sorry, I-I thought that they-”

“Easy, hyung.”

“What did I do? What the fuck did I do? If I wouldn’t have kicked them out of the apartment, this wouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have been so angry. I should have let them explain.”

Seungmin shot Felix a look. He shrugged and gently rubbed Chan’s shoulders. “It’s not your fault, Channie. You were hurting and you didn’t mean for this to happen.”

He was supposed to be the leader. A strong pillar and an even stronger influence on his younger members. As the eldest member, he was supposed to be reliable. At that moment, he crumbled. Tears appeared in his eyes as a sob broke from his chest.

No wonder you had been so quiet. He called you once and hit your voicemail. He longed to hit the call button, just so he could hear your voice again. He squeezed your hand tighter and pressed it against his cheek.

“Wake up. Wake up, baby, please! Come back to me. I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I'm so sorry!”

Tears blurred his vision. He struggled to comprehend your mangled face. Your other hand sat wrapped in a cast. You must have been so broken when you arrived here. He wasn’t here to comfort you. He wasn’t here to try and console and cheer you up.

A wheeze fell from his throat. The betrayal slicing through his heart disappeared. This time, he felt like he was the one that had betrayed you. He hurt you in the most unimaginable way possible.

You laid here broken and half-dead. You spent hours fighting for your life alone. And where was he? Walking around your shared apartment drowning in his own self-pity. He’d never forgive himself for this.

“What is this?” He finally whispered after his sobs faded away. His throat was raw. His voice came out scratchy. “How bad is it?”

“The doctor said they should wake up at any time. They weren’t breathing on their own. A medically induced coma ensured to make sure their brain’s swelling could stop.”

“It was that bad? They’ve been suffering through all that alone?” His bottom lip quivered. He grew afraid of the response he’d receive.

“No,” Seungmin spoke up. “Jeongin found out first. He was the one that notified us. He said he tried to tell you, but when he showed up at your apartment, you told him to leave.”

Horror filled Chan at the memory. Later that same night, back when you left, Jeongin appeared on his front porch pale. Instead of hearing out the younger member, he told him to get lost and slammed the door in his face. Deep down, he was afraid to be viewed as weak in front of the younger member.

The memory stung his heart. Poor Jeongin just wanted him to know the truth and he slammed the door in his face. No wonder Jeongin seemed so nervous around him. He was probably worried that Chan would find out the truth and yell at him for not telling him.

He rubbed his face and pawed at his eyes. “So does everyone know?”

“Everyone besides you.”

“Sorry you’re late. None of us knew how to get you here. You’d never listen when we tried to talk about them.”

“I was such a stupid, selfish asshole.”

“You were hurting,” Felix corrected him.

“And a stupid, selfish asshole.”

“You were.”

“Seungmin!” Felix cried.

“No, I want him to know that he was. I’m not going to sit here and pity him. You were a jerk, Chan. I hope you remember this moment whenever you try to act like an asshole again.”

The words were a slap in the face, and yet he wanted to laugh. As harsh as Seungmin’s words were, they rang true. He was a jerk and maybe, in the cruelest way possible, this was his karma.

He opened his mouth to respond, but paused when your fingernails scratched at his hand. The tube in your throat caused you to choke. You couldn’t fully see as your eyes half-opened. Still swollen, your vision remained limited. Silhouettes appeared and voices became more distinct.

“Get a nurse!”

Footsteps hit the ground. You gargled and reached your opened mouth. “No, no, no! You can’t touch that yet.”

“Easy, love. Try to relax and don’t fight the tube. It’s breathing for you right now.”

The distress and quickened-pace of the heart rate monitor hit a hiccup. Chan’s familiar voice grounded you, but you still struggled with the tube. Your lungs wanted to expand, but the machine compressed them. You choked again, still fighting the pesky thing.

More footsteps. Another silhouette. Glasses on an unfamiliar face and latex rubbing against your skin. “It’s okay, you’re safe. I’m going to take this out now, okay? On the count of three. One, two, three!”

You gasped and coughed at the removal. Your lungs filled with air of your own accord. More coughing. You attempted to swallow, but your mouth was so dry. The lingering phantom of a headache filled the side of your head.

“Try a sip of this, sweetheart.”

The nurse’s tone was honey to your ears. You swallowed the water the moment it hit your lips. One swallow and then another. Two more and suddenly, you were gulping like crazy.

“Easy, or you’ll choke,” Chan gently reminded you.

The nurse pulled the glass away when you finished. “Do you know where you are?”

“Hospital?”

“Do you remember your name?”

“Chan?”

“I’m right here, honey. I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. Do you remember your name? This nice nurse wants to help you get better. Your doctor is on his way.”

Every question asked, you answered it perfectly. A buzz of excitement swirled around the room from your consciousness. Seungmin and Felix left the room to give everyone the good news.

When the doctor concluded you were stable, he disappeared with the nurse. A silence fell between you and Chan. You still couldn’t see perfectly, but you could feel the weight of his hand in yours.

“Baby, I’m so sorry for that night.”

“I don’t want to talk about that night.”

“I was an idiot.”

“Dumbass,” you weakly corrected him.

“I see getting hit by a semi-truck hasn’t taken away your sass.”

“If I can survive this, I can survive anything.”

“I love you and I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I love you and I don’t want to hear anything else about that. I’m so tired. Can you sing me to sleep or something?”

“If I do, promise you won’t die?”

“I promise.”

Even if you couldn’t make out his face, you knew his voice, and that was good enough for you.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

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