#i feel very strongly towards this one

[loisroo]

ah okay, I saw my girl Cay beat me to for it and already asked about the safe house wip! So just ignore that ask lol! Instead, could I please get some deets for secret secret beyond evil, pretty please!!!😊😊

YES THANK YOU! this is the one i reread often because the feels— i’m hoping to actually finish it during the new year because it’s very dear to me. for this post!

the idea:

so everyone at this point should know how much i love pathetic, guilty joowon. i love diving into his little sad brain, pull apart all the pieces and sit with the small child that feels sad and broken in there…. ya know for funsies!!

so one night i was doing the dive and secret secret by stray kids comes on. and i know— out of all the songs i could have latched onto its kpop BUT the song is really perfect for a pining, sad, guilty joowon. it’s about the rain and not being able to just speak about how much you care for someone— at the beginning it mentions being scared their words will never be heard over the rain but then later it talks about how they sort of hope their words will never be heard and just washed away. they want to let go but they can’t and they try their best to keep moving forward but the secret still remains… it just gives me so many beyond evil and Joowon vibes (the be rain scenes have me by the throat still)

the sneak peek (it’s very rough sorry if it’s a bit messy):

His phone pings and he pulls it out, half hoping for a new case or a missing person so he had something to do besides stare out at the rain and think about men.

And just like that the guilt comes back fully, maybe even worse. The words in the text almost seem to mock him and he can't stop himself as he runs for the bathroom. Bile rises in his throat and he suddenly wishes he had more in his stomach then some toast and tea as he throws up in the toilet.

This can’t be happening, this….this wasn’t possible. He yanks his phone out and dials Kwon Hyuk’s number. The man answers and he sounds almost frantic, “Joo Won-ah, are you okay? Did you just get my text?”

Joo Won’s head is spinning and he can barely spit out, “Hyung… what-?”

He’s not sure what he sounds like in that moment, maybe just like the little kid he could feel curling up inside of him. “Han Joo Won... Han Ki Kwan has got a few people on his side for the appeal but I promise I will not let him get away with it.”

Joo Won can feel his insides running cold, “He shouldn’t be able to appeal, he killed someone and covered it up for years and-.”

Hyuk cuts him off with a much calmer voice this time, “I know, Joo Won. But even if he appeals, it would most likely just lower his sentence, he would still be stuck in jail until he dies.”

It makes something inside of him twist in his gut and he lays his head against the bathroom wall, ignoring how his anxiety crawls a little closer to the surface. “Hyung… What am I supposed to do?”

Hyuk sighs, “Just keep working and worry about your life, Han Joo Won. Let me handle this.”

He’s not sure how long he sits on the bathroom floor. Maybe it’s the exhaustion or the guilt but he can’t seem to rise from the floor until a particularly loud thunder shocks him out of his stupor. He runs on autopilot, not really sure what he’s doing until he grabs a coat and leaves his apartment.

He walks straight into the rain, feeling the tears build up and fall over as he walks. Joo Won has no destination in mind just wants to feel the rain. Maybe he really was cursed to spend his time miserable and drowning.

Joo Won’s not sure how long he walks, can feel his body shaking as he continues to cry. He feels so lost, so frustrated with a broken system, so guilty for not just ending this when he had a chance. If he would have just shot his father instead of making Dong Sik arrest him then none of this would be happening.

It’s the thought of Dong Sik that sends him spinning, he had been trying to avoid it as long as he could but…

Did the older man know yet? Had he heard that Han Ki Kwan was making strides in his appeal? Was he too busy living the life he thought he had gained back?

He’s not sure how long he’s been walking before he suddenly realizes his phone is vibrating in his pocket. He yanks it out to see multiple missed calls and texts from Kwon Hyuk but he just ignores it for the one text message that sits unopened.

Dong Sik had texted him. Joo Won-ah, are you okay?

Joo Won leans against a building as he feels the panic rise in his chest. He lifts his hand up and presses hard on his chest before he crumbles to the ground, sobs wracked his body as he buries his head in his hands. How could the older man even ask him that? He’s too kind, too kind for someone like Joo Won to be around. How many times would Dong Sik allow the Han men to destroy his life before he had enough?

He doesn’t rise from his spot until he’s shivering so hard he can barely stay in his position. He stands shakily, using the wall to help him. Joo Won feels the exhaustion shaking inside of him and when he rises he sways, his vision swimming.

His phone is vibrating again and he fumbles with it, the rain still coming down relentlessly. Dong Sik’s name mocks him from the call and he wants to throw his phone, and wants to chuck it in the puddle next to him so he never has to face the man again.

But he knows he wont, Joo Won can’t seem to avoid Dong Sik to save his life.

It takes him a few tries to answer and he misses the call but Dong Sik calls back right after and Joo Won is able to answer and lift it to his ear, he rasps out a broken, “Hello.”

He hears silence on the other end before a sharp inhale, “Inspector Han, where are you?”

Did Dong Sik want to find him and beat him up? He hears a soft snort on the other end of the line and Joo Won realizes he said that last part out loud, “Yah, you punk. I don't want to beat you up, I want to know where you are?”

[moe-broey]

@hulloitsdani I HAD TO. ROTATE THIS. IN MY MIND. SO MUCH. CAUSE HERE'S THE THING I think on the surface it COULD make sense and has SO much potential writing-wise and I have hardly thought about that before -- but!!!!

While I have been goofing on Ratatoskr and how she's just a poor little thang, upon meeting she DID tell Alfonse this:

Which gives you SO much information actually. Like. She knows a lot more than she lets on -- not because she's lying outright or even putting up a front, but because she's just. So overwhelmed and emotional and sensitive (LOUDLY so) that may be the only thing you notice, maybe even underestimating her. But I feel Alfonse took this information and did the opposite -- it's an odd position to be in, to be known presumably very well by someone who's a stranger to you. But I think he takes this in, and takes his first impression of her and her personality, motives, the conflict within her, and decides to put his faith in her.

I think ALSO he could be viewing her as a valuable ally, acknowledging:

I think, he sees she has potential, if he can win her over and have her fight on his side. I THINK. Primarily his motivation is practical. Making a quick judgement of her, coming to the conclusion she could be a valuable asset and could help the Heroes even more (going back to, him saying "She can even tell them I asked her to get us more information on the assassination plot" and "If our enemy thinks like I do... they'll see a similar opportunity in front of them.")

AUGH INTERRUPTING THAT THOUGHT THOUGH!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE!!!!!! PART OF THE GAMBIT IS "She would be a valuable ally" AND on the flipside "She could pose a considerable threat if she changed her mind and strengthened her resolve in the opposite direction (to kill me)" so winning her over is part of defusing the threat. AND it's an extra win to have all that information if she does choose the Heroes. AND it's an extra LOSS if she does leave, since she takes all that information with her AND has the advantage while the Order is left scrambling in the dark. Plus also!!!!!! Her having that intimate knowledge of his routines!!!!!! If he loses Ratatoskr, he Knows he's gonna suffer severe consequences.

ALSO. ALSO!!!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE!!!!!!!!!! That is WHY him letting her go and EMPHASIZING she can do whatever she deems necessary, EVEN giving her sisters inside knowledge on the Heroes. I FEEL LIKE. THIS IS ACTUALLY. VERY MUCH (on a much smaller scale!!!!) another Letizia moment. HEAR ME OUT

Right before The Moment, he's judging Letizia's character, what he knows to be true about her, her PERSONALITY and the way she thinks. Which leads him to go sicko mode on her (because! That Was the course of action to take with her!!!!)

THIS TIME. He's met with a very emotional, very distressed and conflicted assassin who seems to have a moral compass and is conflicted about what she's been ordered to do. In one way, she's almost like a bomb that has to be defused -- she Does pose a threat, and the threat needs to be addressed before it goes off/is out of his hands. And in this case, appealing to her emotions IS the answer!

AND. I THINK. PART of that appeal WAS to place That Much trust in her. ESPECIALLY communicating to her, she's not Required to remain loyal to the Heroes. Giving her a choice, between them and her sisters. He's heavily relying on Ratatoskr's internal conflict and also (surely it hasn't been missed on him) her attachment to him, or at very least her respect for him as a person she's come to admire. It's an extreme chance to take, but I think he knows if Ratatoskr can 1) Feel like she made the choice herself, and 2) He can catch her on another emotionally driven motivation (When she requests a favor in return, which is for the Heroes to Save her Sisters) -- I think he's fully confident he can win her over without forcing her to do anything.

WHICH. ALSO. HELPS WIN HER OVER BC her MAIN conflict she's struggling with is Being Forced To Do Something She Doesn't Want To. By NOT being forceful with her, by EMPHASIZING she can take any action she deems fit, he's set up a situation WHERE the Order of Heroes is the preferable option. He leaves her with the impression that her feelings matter, that she has agency, and ultimately it's up to her.

I FEEL LIKE........ I am talking in circles LMFAOOO BUT. I think Another thing (before thought interruption) was Alfonse's lines saying, "It's a gamble on our part, but if our enemy thinks like I do... they will see a similar opportunity in front of them." ESPECIALLY into:

WHICH stood out to me SO much because I think it really captures how practically motivated he IS here. He is using her. He's acknowledging, that if their enemy is Like Him, they're using her, too. He's creating a situation with a desired outcome, making the Order of Heroes the more desirable option to align with, giving her the feeling that she Can choose -- and, this is true! He's entirely put the choice in her hands. But in DOING that, it strengthens the possibility of her seeing the Heroes AS the desirable option. Which is the goal. Which is what he wants. He Is prepared, most likely, for the event this backfires, but also he's fully confident Ratatoskr Will choose them. (Also, as I say he was "most likely prepared for backfire"..... honestly that may not even be the case. Alfonse bluffs and bullshits his way around and out of things so much it would make Phoenix Wright blush).

WHICH ALSO LIKE..... AAAUGHGHHHH rotating him in my mind forever. You can See his traits and tendencies, see how he uses them for the benefit of his allies and those he cares about, but also SO clearly you can see. How A Lot of That is deeply rooted in his own moral compass (which is good!) and his own perspective (which is limited and sometimes flawed) and you can see. EXACTLY how these things can twist and turn and get really ugly LMFAOO

And man I haven't even gotten to Alear yet but I have THOUGHTS about his interactions w her too I need to make a separate post about LMFAOO 😅 (hit image limit and also feels like another topic entirely 🫡)

[gio-cosmo]

The soundtrack to this game is absolutely phenomenal btw

[jitteryjive]

i need to remake my cup bros ref… both cup and human designs… it’s been almost a year(?) and i’ve developed the headcanons and i would like to share with the class!!! (i wrote thirty tags. Please help me)

[toestalucia]

Vania: Mommy… You're watching, right? Are you happy too? Choice: She is, no doubt.

critical damage. but the fate ep parent hell didnt end there, i am so sorry for reading petras so late cuz hellooo?!?!?

Petra: (If the true Andras is somewhere in the Abyssal Forest, then that's also where Mother's journey would have ended. Will she be there? What would I even say to her? Should I ask her why she abandoned me? Or should I… No, I can't think about that now. I have to concentrate on stopping Andras.)

Karla: I have regrets. There are many things that I still want to do. That I was not able to be a mother to Petra hurts most of all. More than anything else, I wanted to be there to see her grow up…

Petra: It's not fair… Saying goodbye like this… How am I supposed to stay angry at you?

the (captain) io petra club of parents who left them to do something rly cool(save ppl). the added fact that with vanias situation where gran doesnt have any memory of their mother & what walfrid shared was very vauge and doesn't know either if their mom is dead or alive (rising hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha). also last years holiday seasonal with yaia & her mother.......like i truly think that its a dialogue option that becomes a lot more personal from captain, because even if gran has no knowledge about their mom & thus mentions her a lot less / doesn't have the same type of loneliness about her as they do with their dad, it's still pretty clear that they were curious as a kid & wondered what was up with their family. so i feel its very..............im sure she's watching, because thats what im hoping for my mom too. yknow.

as for petra that section felt terrible cuz. like i KNEW it was there, i knew about petras lore. i knew she was in a similar situation as captain & io. but having her voice it like this..........'should i ask her why she abandoned me' LIKEEEEEEEEEE....that epic scene in no rain no rainbow that they reused for and you (i think it was????) with captain crying & being comforted by vyrn with very similar questions. the anime s2 too. ugh.....u better keep dad alive. makes act3 such a heartache too since they fell to the edgelands as dad left, found out estalucias real name, found out repti had known dad & that? the last thing anyone has seen of dad is very likely him standing in front of the omnipotent(s clone) ?????? which makes me so damn dizzy in consideration of dad arriving at zinkenstill alone with captain & mom (&dads) position with bahamut. going to estalucia.....dad........ yeah my dad is at this fabled island oh no he met a being whose radiance blinded repti & even seeing it from the mask hurt hailaks eyes is he ok we dont know we can just push forward oh no the sky is broken. LIKEEEEEE ???? not to mention seed of redemption (which IS set after/around edgelnads right........i heard water lecias fate eps reference some stuff......which EVEN MORE makes sense of captains reaction of running away like they JUST missed their own dad & met mika&shitori who dad was telling stories to and whatnot + finding out either before or after whats actually up with their family. like the emotions are in SHAMBLES during that. adding on borrowing/using the omnipotents power during heart of the sun like. can i. can we. ???????????? do u get me. desperately holding onto anything that lets them be closer to their dad, even if it the logic doesnt make sense.

'how am i supposed to stay angry at you' petra im gonna be ill. i love you so much. desperately need a 'left behind by our parents' login story. ill read the lvl100 fate tmrw i cant deal with this rn<//3

in grans case especially & how i write them i think the 'i understand that my parents are likely doing something very very important' and 'i wish they werent/i wish they choose me instead' are sooooo messy..............lov things like that. love petras dialogue. love how gran can understand her wholeheartedly in that moment, even if she doesnt speak of it.

[backpackingspace]

an incomplete list of things I thought were pretty obvious bc I'm feeling petty

The jedi being about processing your emotions and grief and being able to work through the feelings in a healthy way

Odysseus being a rape victim

[visdiefje]

I'm pretty sure my experiences haven't changed from when I last asserted my identity labels but my view kinda has I guess

[fiovske]

I did not know what point nemo was so i looked it up and it is realy cool. And i love that the colosest people to that point are astrounauts on the iss and how fiting it is that the iss will chash in point nemo in 2031. From the darkness of space to darkness of ocean. I know it will probably not be filmed but it would be soo cool to se the iss chash in the ocean.

yeah! point nemo is pretty cool... i get really sad every time i remember they're decommissioning the ISS in 2031... they really don't need to, i dont think they have to,,, i love it very much bc its the one space astronauts regardless of geographical borders spend time communally watching over our beautiful planet, this marvelous blue rock, like-- that's home. it's the only one we got. and at the ISS, petty squabbles of governments and tyrants look so fucking small, astronauts have said that it is incredibly humbling and life-changing, to see the planet so.. vulnerable. it makes you want to protect it. to marvel at the beauty and terrifying endlessness of space, and know that the earth is a responsibility and one you cannot take lightly.

i feel like decommissioning a space like that is so counterproductive towards our collective growth as a species. it feels like the end of something genuinely noble, the one thing we did right and now we're stopping that too. like it's only the first steps towards capitalism in space, locking away space research that used to be done for the sake of knowledge and learning because it doesn't make money per se. its only seeing space as a means of commerce, a means of monetary gain and exploitation, putting up borders where there isn't supposed to be any, and using that as a whole jumping point for the "mars tourism for the rich!" "space walk for the rich!" nonsense and i just hate that. so so fucking much.

[ghouldtime]

As a fellow writer that tries to bring a little more variety to the COD tag, I just wanted to say thank you for talking about the problem in the fandom!

I only saw one other person other than me talking about it, and honestly, I was almost starting to think that I was the weird one for judging the romanticisation and fetishisation of abuse when so many people enjoy it.

Like, I'm all for writing whatever you want, even terrible topics, but... sensibly? I genuinely don't understand how someone could write about rape or abuse without treating it like the awful, disgusting thing it is.

I often get told that I just want to have the 'moral high ground' and that's why I say that, but that's not the point at all. We all enjoy characters that have done some questionable stuff, starting with the cod men themselves. I'm just... worried I guess, about how many people find abuse enjoyable to read.

I wish people would at least tag this stuff properly.

Anyway, sorry for ranting, I'm glad I found your blog! 🖤

Oh the anon coward crawled back into my inbox to flail onto their back and utter, "Superiority complex". That's it. That's all they have to say. What about it? Who knows. I'm assuming they're trying to imply that I have one but they didn't write anything else, so I'm just going with they like saying random words (going to start anon messaging people things like carbonated hot dog water with no context to leave them befuddled the rest of the day)

It's a HUGE problem that I've seen and I'm honestly sick of it. I legit can't open the basic tags without being hit with it. No matter what or who you block, more ALWAYS pop up. I'm not saying flat out "Don't write these topics altogether". Like, COD is a video game about war and killing people?? There's going to be awful shit. Ignoring that entirely is doing a great disservice and censoring writing just because a topic is uncomfortable is extremely counter productive.

Also, adding this, I literally never said don't write it at all - to the anons who came for me, you're just mad because you can't read and are being called out on turning something horrible into an attractive/hot thing.

I'm saying "write it sensibly with respect for the topic and the victims of it. It's not a fetish it's not something for you to play the good ol' meat fiddle too. Real thing that affects real people and what you're writing, even if it's fictional, DOES AFFECT THE REAL WORLD". Literally, not that hard. So what if I'm told I'm taking a moral high ground? Cause I, sorry let me put on my reading glasses-🤏 👓

I have the moral high ground because I don't fetishize rape, abuse, incest, sexual assault, stalking, and the other long list of actual crimes that people are apparently treating like they're kinks - because I'm saying to not treat them as sexy time things and to instead give them proper respect when you're writing them. That's supposed to be moral high ground???? If so, I'm alright with that.

You're not the weird one. This is just common sense and sometimes terrible things are so normalized in fandoms that it's just one big echo chamber so it keeps being said and done, and people keep repeating it, and it spreads and spreads. Like, I'm not the weird one for going "hey fantasizing about a man abusing a woman and finding it so attractive you write about it and turn it into smut is weird." At that point, that's not an intrusive thought, that's a WELL AND CONSCIOUS decision when you plop your hand down and start typing away at the keyboard. It's a conscious decision when you ignore the actual harm it causes and keep on writing it.

"Write whatever you want" doesn't mean that what you write will be free from judgement. I'm all for write whatever makes you happy, I don't give a shit there. But when it starts to affect ACTUAL people, yeah, then we have an issue and I'm going to speak up about it.

Also, I can't "Don't like don't read" BECAUSE ITS NOT TAGGED PROPERLY, no one censors properly. The mature censor for SEXUAL CONTENT is absolutely free to use. Half the time, you're just thrown head first in and you're like "oh, oh this is fetish stuff, this is really gross fetish stuff". Its just so blatantly posted, no proper tags, just flat out in your face. I just avoid tags all together now unfortunately but what else can ya do. It's exhausting to interact and look in that regard so I just don't

My blog will ALWAYS be free from that and will ALWAYS be a safe space for those who want to avoid it. Not going to change that nor am I ever going to back down or go back on my word here.

Sorry for all the heavy stuff recently y'all but this MATTERS significantly to me as a victim of some of the stuff aforementioned above. I'm not going into details but it's a thing very personal to me and it's absolutely INSANE of what is treated as okay/what is done and I'm never, ever going to be okay with the incorrect depiction of this shit and the blatant fetishization/romanticization of it

[sskk-manifesto]

What a good episode. Maaaaaan

[wildtornado-o]

I miss AI :((( I should replay it. Ohhh number 1 father-daughter relationship of all time my beloved.

[lesbiancarat]

hhh now i have to make the hard decision of whether i want to buy faded mono life or fight for my life ver 😭

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

every now and then i think about my one interpretation of emma as a deeply closeted trans man radfem with a ton of internalized transphobia and antimasculism, who takes her issues with her identity out on the people around her instead of unpacking them and accepting herself. and i think, i need to draw a comic about this

[somestarstuff]

I can't find the post but to whichever of yall said normal oak fits the song love me normally: how dare you I've had the song on repeat for the past day now and have had several revelations about why I'm so attached to normal oak

[sadaveniren]

Sometimes the homophobia inside the house is so much stronger than outside. And that's just... I don't know what to say.

Oh, and if you ask why I'm saying this, well. The community kind of made me stay in the closet, because I was not a gay or a lesbian and therefore not welcome into the community. And of course not that welcome to the outside world for that matter. Yeah

For sureeeee. I'm so sorry the community is for everyone and some people truly don't understand how excluding groups of queer people from their own community is so damaging ❤️ The infighting within our own community is so damaging and harmful to queer people who don't fit into what some perceive as "acceptable" and "family friendly" BUT it is also not welcoming to people who aren't in the LG(sometimes B and maybe just maybe T) area and this isn't even beginning to touch on people who don't fall under the label of "white" within the community and how they identify/present themselves.

[karinyosa]

starting to think something more than adhd may be wrong here