#like obviously theres the ocd but im starting to think it may not even be adhd
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starting to think something more than adhd may be wrong here
#been acting and feeling weird since i started meds. might take a week off them just to see? is this a good idea? theyre only 1 miligram#karinyo.txt#like obviously theres the ocd but im starting to think it may not even be adhd#either that or the meds and the weather are really fucking Getting to me#i mean idk. maybe it's just poor emotional regulation. it feels like thats been particularly bad since i started meds#been having moments where i just feel very strongly one way for a while. like im a little emotionally heightened#im good at not letting it interfere with the way i act toward people but i feel like Something is happening?#but like poor emotional regulation Is a symptom of adhd and ocd so i might be wrong#there are moments where im like maybe i Am actually just depressed or maybe it's something else#also dw i am recording all this day by day and am gonna tell my psych#meds were great the first day idk what happened 🥲 lol lmao#it's like they don't fix my inattentiveness unless im active that day or something#which is annoying bc most of the time im trying to write or apply for jobs from my home. i am Not an active person#too much room for procrastination and getting nothing done#the heightened emotionality thing is in contrast to me just constantly being unaware how i feel from moment to moment off meds#i understand that nothing is a full on fix it but. feel like it's beginning to be the same as before im just#kind of more tired and emotional now#the meds are also no longer making me sleepy lmao#uh oh! this man is immune to sleep
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my goodness i have changed wtf
looking back to the beginning of this year till now is actually fucking insane how much has happened and how things ended up being like. I'm actually accomplishing my goals that i had planned for this year and it feels good but it's kinda like i need something else for the motivation to keep going. Umm lets see I'm finally under 200 and I can keep doing that if i watch my diet. Ummmmm should i start witht he boy who i was i was ina s ituationship with or just pick up where I lelft off? Hmm so last time i was on here I was already on talking terms with my ex(yea ik bad) but it was kinda innocent. (not really lmao) then I got my wisdom tooth surgery and i had a little complication bc it was not healing up properly. Thennnnn I had my bday how i planned it. I even bought myself a little camera but it dies so quick so rip. Ooo i turned 21 if you didn't know and i had my first whiskey shot at midnight thanks to no relationship man. (Imma call him teddy bear bc thats what it gave and reminds me of the song teddy bear by melanie martinez. Oooo i finally got into a relationship with teddy bear but i pratcially begged him tbh. oh and before that i got my grand,as car towed from his apartment........ i don't wanna even revisit im just glad i didn't have to pay for it. And then i went to see melanie martinex for her 3 album tour and it was MAGICALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. as per usuall life went downhill after seeing such a queen. I was =n't doing too hot spring quarter and that why im taking my last class i needed. However i did sign my lease for the dorms imma be living so I'm offically a university gal! regarding to that i got a second job just for the summer to help with paying for college but tbh let be real lmao. lets just say if i thought i was busy in january this is nothing compared. oh and I dyed my hair in may becaseu i felt like it but im back to my natural color and in pain bc my hair is so weak rn. ummmmmmm today i'm finally goign to be a manager at my main job and iim so excited but nervous. I've been acting like this role for a while now but there's always going to be something unexpected that comes up. But thankfully everyone is supportive and does what they can and I'm not alone in the suffering at all(at least i hope im not) oh and i got into a fight with my fatehrr so i have to stay at my aunts house temporaily like where i'm typing from. I miss being home bc it was my set place where i had everythign i needed. which reminds me like you know how i said i think i have autism yeah idk i think i also show signs of ocd...... i wont go into detial bc thats not ur bussiness but i tend to have very obessive thoughts like never ending too so theres that. I cannot wait for september to come and i can focus on school and have a change. i have to start packing or planning things now though and that makes menervous bc my mom obviously doesn't want me to go. but whatever omg and i started using tampons and I've only had 2 success days lmao but i'm gettign there. Idk if this wasn't obious but i broke up with teddy bear to foucs on myself and i don't reakky have the energy to be with him it just too drianing yk. However i somehwo managed too get all the bosy i've shown interest to spin back like didn't think it was possible. just wow y life is really changing and i feel like i can't keep uup even thoughi felt like that in april and I was keeping up just fine. anyways I think thats it i could start to do think pieces again not that anybody is reading this. I wish i could say every detail but so much is happening at once in my life. it wasn't like this a year ago which is crazy to say. Like i never thought i would be here like this a year ago tbh. I think that's a good thing becasue i wanted to live a busy life like everyone. I don't know how i still have time for tiktok and instagram on the daily but whatever. I don't even post as much on instagram yea very sad. I'm becoming more mysertious by the day. and sharing over there just feels useless like my august/july-december era was one or the books.
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