#i feel very old and tired

[exitvelocities]

mlcweek day 4, "grief, li xiangxian". it's a day for grief all around. please take this small ficlet and idk find a moment of distraction or solace in it.

*

li lianhua burns incense for a boy whose face he can't remember. if he thinks back hard enough, there's the feeling of a hand holding his, urgent and protective, and running and running and running and running. he'd always assumed it was some early memory of the street, shan gudao guiding him away from danger, but now he's not so sure. forgetting, it turns out, is its own kind of grief.

his brother was old enough to know who they were, to remember why they had to run. how different would his life have been if they had been able to stay together? would he still have grown so arrogant and proud with the weight of history behind him? would he have been worse, a nanyin prince bent on revenge? it doesn't bear examining.

without the spectre of his own death on the horizon, li lianhua has the time and space to excavate old ghosts. he was never a nameless street urchin. he'd had a family, a brother, who loved him. a brother whose love had never been twisted with envy. a brother who, to his dying breath, had protected li xiangyi with every ounce of strength he'd had. if only qin mushan had found them sooner. if only shan gudao had never been ill, had never forgotten the pendant was never his. if, if, if. li lianhua closes his eyes. takes a breath. he'd never planned on living long enough to examine these things.

perhaps his shifu and shiniang had thought it better not to burden him with the past. qin po's face is serious but serene as she tells him what she knows, as they make offerings at qin mushan's grave and li lianhua learns to mourn for a family he never knew he had. he can't find in himself to resent his teacher's decisions, only a slow and heavy sadness that he's not here to tell it himself.

the incense burns down low, ash falling off, curl of smoke rising in waves. the wind picks up and li lianhua lifts his face to the sky, clear and blue, filtered through sunlit leaves like spattered paint. there's time. now that the bicha is gone, all he has is time; time enough for grief, time enough for remembrance. li lianhua will try to do it right.

[rystiel]

idk what we’re all calling the concept of fiddlestan working together but i’m calling my version the portal partners AU 🙏🏼

[clairedaring]

Ming + being proactive in getting to know Joe and his works

MY STAND-IN (2024) | 1.03

[lord-squiggletits]

On the MegOP fandom trend of saying "Optimus should apologize to Megatron"

(Speaking specifically for IDW1, though it applies to a lot of MegOP especially ones that do continuity soup with heavy reference to IDW1)

I was talking to a friend in DMs and they mentioned a common headcanon/fanfic trope that I also concurred with, and both of us said it's something that bothers us: a common take in the MegOP fandom goes basically along the lines of "If Optimus had just apologized to Megatron, the war would've ended" (or other variants including "if he'd tried harder to understand Megatron/work in collaboration with him").

And firstly, this is incorrect for a number of reasons:

There were attempts at peace negotiations during the war, but they fell through. So Optimus WAS trying to work with Megatron to the point of participating in formal diplomatic meetings.

Optimus tried multiple times on page to convince Megatron to just stop fighting and work with him for peace (Autocracy, Chaos Theory) that Megatron rejected. Given that these on-page examples take place at the start of the war and at the end of the war respectively, it makes sense that Optimus asking Megatron for collaboration is something he was trying/willing to do the entire time. So again, Optimus was always willing AND ATTEMPTING to work with Megatron and find a joint solution

Even before the war when Optimus was still Orion, he was very explicitly inspired by Megatron's writing and names Megatron as one of the people who "opened his eyes" to the wrongs of Cybertronian society. So how is it that people claim "the war went on for too long because Optimus never tried to understand Megatron" when OP literally named Megatron as one of his biggest idols, thus implying that OP does understand Megatron's ideals

But the primary purpose of this post wasn't to defend Optimus, actually. Even though I personally think Optimus did plenty (dare I say, everything) to try to end the war, there are some who may still think otherwise, so instead of arguing about whether Optimus did "enough", or who should apologize to whom, or who "deserves the blame" for starting/continuing the war, I'd actually rather talk about this:

No matter who is most "to blame" for the war, it's my firm belief that neither Megatron nor Optimus would even expect/demand the other to apologize to them at all.

On Megatron's side, he would never seek to judge Optimus negatively for the decisions to the point of saying "you wronged me, apologize." Whether it's evil Megatron who doesn't care about atrocities and revels in an opportunity to expose Optimus as a hypocrite, or post-war/Autobot Megatron who knows that his own evil actions are irredeemable, the idea of Megatron judging Optimus and demanding an apology for the war specifically strikes me as out-of-character. Why would Megatron demand or even want an apology from Optimus when Megatron knows fully well that he has his own sins to bear, he prolonged the war for his own selfish/material gain, and that he is responsible for an untold amount of suffering? Demanding an apology would imply that Megatron sees himself as the wronged party and Optimus as the wrongdoer, but by the end of the war, Megatron is too aware of his own part in the war to ever demand such a thing of Optimus. Even if he DID think that Optimus was "equally to blame" for the war (which he doesn't/wouldn't, btw), Megatron's own feelings of guilt would prevent him from trying to seek the petty satisfaction of the moral high ground or making Optimus beg for his forgiveness.

Additionally, Megatron knows Optimus very well as a person: he knows that the position of leadership is full of "loneliness [and] agonizing self-doubt" for Optimus (Chaos Theory) and that "when Optimus hurts others, he hurts himself" (MTMTE). Another reason that Megatron wouldn't demand nor want an apology from Optimus is because Megatron knows Optimus so well that he already knows that being a war leader fills Optimus with immense guilt and suffering. Given that Megatron knows about Optimus' self-doubt and guilt, why would he even need an apology when he already knows how much Optimus regrets the war and desperately wishes/wished for it to end?

Then, as established in the previous paragraphs, Optimus is too full of guilt for his part in the war (both before it started and in being unable to stop it sooner) to demand an apology from Megatron. Again, demanding an apology would put Optimus in an implied position of moral superiority and/or victimhood, but Optimus doesn't see himself as morally superior or as a victim (or rather, he sees himself as being responsible for these bad things happening and internalizes this as a duty to do better/fix wrongdoings). In other words, Megatron and Optimus both share this view of themselves and each other: Their hands are so dirty, and they both feel such guilt over this, and they know each other well enough to know that the other feels this way as well. Because both of them feel blame for the war and are acutely aware of their own flaws/part in suffering, both of them feel far too responsible for the war happening for them to ever blame their archnemesis for "not trying harder" or "being responsible for the war."

Hell, if you even look at the socio-political climate of Cybertron before the war started, neither Megatron nor Optimus were the ones who put this conflict into motion. The corrupt legacy of the Primes, Functionism, class issues-- all of these things existed before Megatron and Optimus did. Even once they started doing things like writing about social issues (M) or fighting against the Senate (OP), both of them were "underlings" in sense that they weren't leaders:

Megatron's writings may have inspired the Decepticon movement, but that movement existed as an independent entity with its own leaders and speakers long before Megatron became the "official" ruler of the Decepticons. He wasn't even the leader of the 'Cons until he took control of the gladiator arena and the nonviolent sections of the Decepticons were (presumably) subsumed into the underground, exploitative battle culture that Megatron created.

Optimus-as-Orion was a police officer to start, but even once he started going against the Senate, he mainly worked in collaboration with others like Senator Shockwave and Zeta (later Zeta Prime), who he either saw as his idols or who were literally superior to him in rank due to government/military structures.

So with this in mind, even from a social level, while Megatron and Optimus may have been "catalysts" of a sort that caused the war to escalate to an outright planetary/galactic level, the scenario is too complex to solely lay the blame for the war at either of their feet. I'm not confident in saying that Megatron/Optimus would explicitly think of this when talking to each other, but what I'm trying to say is that M/OP were just catalysts in a long chain of brewing tension that exploded into a war. Even if one could claim that one of them "started" or "escalated" the war, the social issues that caused the war and the positions of power that allowed them to become leaders in the first place were falling into place before either of them actually BECAME leaders.

In other words, this shared fate of being the final reaction that exploded a societal conflict into outright war... Megatron and Optimus both have that in common. And because of this, I really don't think either of them would even think to ask the other to apologize because they're both in such similar positions, with such similar feelings of guilt and responsibility, that they understand each other's feelings without words. To demand an apology would be akin to taking that shared vulnerability/guilt and stepping on it, attempting to claim that one is right/superior and the other is wrong/inferior, and that the inferior one needs to grovel and take responsibility for the bad things that happened.

[zytes]

head heavy in june

[spacecores]

So I went to the Neopets birthday in Seattle and had a whale of a time coloring.

[saturnvs]

found a (most likely) tumor on my cat’s chin :(

[eerna]

I have come to the conclusion that I am not interested in AtLA spinoffs, but I love prequels. The comics, the next avatar, the adult Gaang story, none of them interest me enough to interact with them, but I am living for every detail the novels reveal. Like what do you MEAN the Fire Lord has a bastard half-brother scheming for power TELL ME MOREEEE

[dailykugisaki]

Day 331 | id in alt

Kugisaki looking for curse bindings on people my beloved.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[mintytealfox]

If you're up for it, some Naibrick headcanons about Halloween?

GOSH yes yes yes YES -rubs hands together-

I can see Naib initially HATING the holiday, until Frederick comes home with a bag of candies and hands them off to Naib. For their first Halloween

Frederick: "I am going to go read my tarot cards, so I got this candy for you. You can hand them out to people who come to the door or just turn off all of the lights and enjoy the candy yourself~"

Naib: "? Are you saying this entire bag of candy is mine?" Frederick: "mhm" Naib: "I don't have to share?" Frederick: "Nope" Naib: "I don't have to socialize?" Frederick: "Nope" Naib: "huh, ......Thanks" Frederick: "Sure~ Can I read your fortune tonight?" Naib: "No, but I am willing to share this candy you got me" Frederick: "-sighs- fine"

-----------

Naib ending up in a candy coma for most of the evening, but then waking up in the middle of the night to go find Frederick who is up at his writing desk with a candle and just quietly tinking his tuning fork, leaned back in his chair comfortably.

Naib: "Having trouble tonight?" -Frederick flinching a little before quickly turning his swivel chair to face towards Naib with a surprised expression- "Sorry, I didn't hear you come in.." -he rubs his temple and shakes his head- "I'm fine.."

Naib: "........" Frederick: "maybe a little...trouble....with..." -gently taps at the side of his head as he looks off to the side-

Naib walks over and sits on the floor next to the chair Frederick is sitting in "you don't have to hide that stuff from me. I know my experience is different, but I understand hearing things...in my case remembering...things. I am not alone anymore because of you, so...share the load I guess..." -looks away a little embarrassed and offers his hand to Frederick, he will let him read 'his lines or whatever'-

-Frederick smiles a little and instead of attempting to read his palm, he just takes his hand in his and just holds it-

Naib blushing and refusing to look still "....thanks for not reading my palm..."

Frederick: "sure~"

------------

Then I can see following years Naib planning things so Frederick doesn't have to be miserable and alone with his thoughts on his favorite Tarot reading day.

Naib: "so, I am rationing out the candy so I don't pass out this time. Also" -pulls out loads of pumpkins and two knives- "we should carve these things"

Frederick: "why?"

Naib: "saw some kids doing it and thought I would be good at it"

Frederick trying and failing to hold back a laugh "Alright, sure, why not, lets carve the 20 pumpkins you bought~"

Naib: "Great, this way we can be occupied and you won't be alone like last time"

-Frederick just smiles as he hums quietly to himself as he thinks about a song he could carve into this first pumpkin-

-Naib is pleased-

But the seed pile would be horrible afterwards LOOL

Frederick: "how do we dry out these seeds so you can munch on them?" -looking over the pile of pumpkin guts-

Naib: "I don't know....hmm...can they be eaten raw?"

Frederick: "uhg, please don't test it"

---------------

Anyways, I think it would be a quiet holiday for them~ While everyone else is partying and 'trick-or-treating' they are just at home enjoying the time hiding from the rest of the world heh and Naib gets his own huge bag of candy that he doesn't have to share lol

[greppelheks]

I don't know how you've all experienced the year 2024, but I barely witnessed it, and I've been fighting for my life

[osamucide]

also on the note of not feeling like i interact with my moots (or anyone on here really) as much as id like to would you guys be into it if i started a discord server just to like. chill and hang out and talk about fanfic or whatever in

[enden-k]

well its always better to ignore me 90% of the time anyway and just focus on whatever art i poop out bc im too old to give a fuck abt these things anymore and just continue to say the dumbest silliest shit i have on my mind under my breath lmaoo

[isfjmel-phleg]

My name is not Rebecca. That's a completely different person. And she doesn't work here.

[slayerkitty]

There has been ongoing discussion of Only Friends amongst a few of us about central themes of the show and ideas Jojo seems to be exploring. We ended up in a discussion on ephemerality that led to a broader discussion on what the show is trying to say about permanency, mostly through the use of things like Boston's photography, surveillance videos, and other audio/visual means.

We also touched on the idea of voyeurism being a running theme (potentially tying back to the very public nature of queer culture in the 80's and 90's) based on the different medias being presented and the frameworks that each episode has used so far. I posited at the time that the different frameworks of each episode could be a type of voyeurism (and because we've brought up control), a type of controlled voyeurism; the voice overs, talking heads and even the Twitter posts are great for giving the audience insight into character insights, feelings and emotions but only what they want us to see.

There was also discussion in the tag about how this show feels like a throwback to sort of a late 90's aesthetic over all (I can't find this post - specifically I'm thinking of a post that mentioned OF had a very Dawson's Creek aesthetic, which hit me like a truck when I read it because YES). Given that Jojo was born in 1984, so I think this post about OF being the voice of 80's babies is right.

So, you must be asking, duh, we've already talked about this. What's your point?

All of this extremely prolific long-windedness is because I noticed something while watching the Let's Try MV from the OST as well as the BTS videos that have been released so far and I don't think anyone has mentioned it.

In the MV, shots from the show (both what appear to be canon and a smidge of BTS material) are shown like they were filmed on a mid-90's camcorder. This also happens in the in the BTS videos as well (episode 1, episode 2.)

Also, both the MV and the BTS videos have visual effects. Transitions like lens flares, static, and whatever that blippy line distortion was on VHS tapes that we fixed with the tracking buttons (if you know, you know) repeatedly show up in both.

(Please prepare yourself for some absolutely horrible screenshots; I have no skills in this area, lmao, but I wanted a couple of visuals)

(What? No, I didn't choose these three screenshots because of the colors, absolutely not. I also absolutely am not tagging @respectthepetty because of it either, nope. Don't know what you're talking about.)

But Slayerkitty, you ask, what does it mean?

It definitely shows that we're on the right track regarding this, I think, because using it in the MV and BTS materials is a very deliberate choice given the amount of photo, video, and audio focus the show has done to this point. Interestingly, you could also say the BTS videos are a type of controlled voyeurism as well, since it's a specific peek at how things were made (the view they want us to have lol).

(Also interesting but I'm not sure if it means anything or if they just thought it looked cool, but in the MV from about 2:29-2:40 and 2:52-3:10 the scenes are all "camcorder" video and the second time stamp is pretty much all BTS footage.)

(P.S. I also don't think anyone mentioned it before now, but that fluffy jacket/cardigan thing we're all obsessed with that Ray wore in episode two is what Khaotung is wearing the MV. It looks like they probably shot the episode two car scene and the MV the same day/night.)

Tagging the ephemerality squad and anyone who's posts I linked to, in case you guys have any thoughts: @waitmyturtles, @wen-kexing-apologist, @ranchthoughts, @chickenstrangers, @lurkingshan, @twig-tea, @clara-maybe-ontheroad, @distant-screaming, @shouldiusemyname

I know I forgot someone, I'm sure! Apologies if I did. I'm gonna have to make a list, lol.