#i feel that we’re not soulmates
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#this fucking hit hard#i love her and yet the term twin flame#dances around the concept of our relationship#we were never able to make it work#i’m still longing to make it work#but i feel it#i feel that we’re not soulmates#we’re twin flames#LMFAO NOT TO BE VULNERABLE
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clarazz are so strong if i was (vaguely in love with and) slightly possessive of my best friend and the whole world was obsessed with him (like i was) id crash out 😭
#m!ik#ameri chima vine shiida mephisto? whos next henri?#not to mention eiko purson and lied 😭 (who really i mention specifically bc they apparently kin him which is soo funny. also they make up#boku trio together! though if we were making a list list im not sure id add em a tier above any other misfit…)#not all romantic obsession to be perfectly clear^^ but they all wanna stand by irumas side the same 😳#ameri and chima who want to stand by iruma romantically and academically/socially/powerwise…#vine and eiko too but theyre like. gag characters ik we’re a comedy series but everything surronding these two is a bit so im#putting them in the same adjecent group of side characters who are crushing#shiida who wants to be his family#mephisto who wants to be his righthand man/royal advisor/wants to make him king#(again misfits in general but lied and purson i single out bc. boku trio / young king duo / music duo u get it#id group bachiko opera balam and maybe even kalego with these other guys but… mmm#mmm bachiko certainly loves her student and opera/balam/kalego are all protective over iruma in their own ways id argue that when u compare#operas his family. bachiko is his master#kalego and balam are his teachers and his familiar/the first person he told his secret to#theyre all (seemingly) satisfied with their closeness with iruma/comfortable with their relationship as it is. theyre secure#the list above are all sorta Longing for something more#they want to be important to iruma#theyre not satisfied! they want more! and the story specifically centers around this idea for an arc or two or many#which btw i love i think iruma deserves having so many people who want to be close to him and who admire him#omg i forgot kirio HELLO…. hes…a little differently obsessed.#lets group him by himself but near the ameri/chima and eiko/vine section if u know what i mean#(note: its been a while since ive read chapters with shiida in em but from memory i do think she sees iruma as a little brother-#which is such a specific bond to long for; i think she wants to be someone he trusts first#followed by someone who can protect him followed by someone who he can learn from)#demons are selfish; i think its really sweet that theyre all pretty respectful of how iruma chooses to spend his time esp for being demons#cuz guess what! irumas selfish too. a true demon. he wants more and more and thats kinda what its all about#tldr everyone wants to stand next to iruma; clarazz (who stand next to him as his soulmates) have feelings about it lol#mairimashita! iruma kun#welcome to demon school iruma kun
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thinking about kageyama’s “it’s the setter’s job to break the wall in front of the spiker” in reference to how kenma sponsoring hinata while he’s in brazil and onwards is effectively doing that on a financial level. once a setter always a setter.
#could talk about how the narrative purpose of every setter (at least in hinata’s story) reflects the idea of breaking a wall in front of him#for hours i think#i want to do a full manga read to fully think about that but#atsumu & hinata’s feeling that he needs kageyama. kenma & just the financial logistics of being able to go to brazil. oikawa & homesickness#obviously there’s more going on w/ all the characters but like. those 3 & kageyama (obviously) all have at least one big thing they help-#hinata overcome. kageyama has so many of these moments w/ hinata i’d have to rewatch & list them all but yea.#akaashi is also this but for bokuto. (bokuto is this for akaashi as well)#(& if we’re talking setters & spikers obviously hinata is that for kageyama. Obviously. they’re soulmates)#i know this is lowkey just me analyzing the concept of support which a team sport series is inevitably filled to the brim with#but with a lot of what i consider to be hinata’s big character moments… it’s always setters man. & that feels deeply intentional.#& takeda obviously but he’s the coach. that is his Narrative Purpose#i wonder if there’s something strong to be said about main characters positions within the team & their strongest overall narrative purposes#like ‘libero’ meaning free in italian & nishinoya & freedom being his Whole Thing. he goes to karasuno bc he likes the uniform!!#i’m curious if i took every character & took their position if i’d find a list of commonalities between their narrative purposes. idk!#but yea anyways i dislike dumbing down hinata’s relationships w/ his setters as like ‘omg setter harem’ as anything other than a light joke#but hinata & setters is such a big deal. almost all my favorite hinata dynamics are with setters i think & that’s bc of that importance#if anyone read this rant in the tags thank you for your time lol. happy birthday hinata i love you forever#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#haikyū!!#hinata shouyou#hinata shoyo#kozume kenma
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personally i find it deeply boring that amc iwtv is so insistent on the main focus always being on loustat/lestat himself. yes he is the narrator of the majority of the books and yes he is a major character, but iwtv is interview with THE vampire, the vampire being louis. the main character is louis. putting more lestat into s2 works well enough to transition from s1-s2 and as a visual means of literally haunting the narrative but amc is starting to seem like its making everything about lestat, when it shouldn’t be (at least not during the events of the first book and this particular interview) it’s about louis. louis’s life, his relationships- with lestat but also with others (claudia, armand, his own family, hell even DANIEL)
tldr i don’t like how lestat seems to be becoming more of the main character than louis.
#i get that he’s the main character of the books for the most part but thats not the point#especially not considering we’re still on the first book- LOUIS’S BOOK#it also feels like a weird dynamic like. oh we have to always have this white man here be the main character when your real mc is a poc#and having jacob and sam do most of the interviews for s2 even though that is not the focus here#yes they have incredible chemistry but their relationship is not the point of focus here#and it feels like pandering to those who only watch for that ship#which i kind of dread.#did i mention i dont actually like show loustat that much or their fanbase#LOVE book loustat they’re soulmates they’re everything. not feeling show loustat#greatly preferring show loumand so far which is funny because they aren’t a favourite of mine in the books#already though the fans only watching for loustat are not understanding armand/loumand or attacking him or the ship#as a professional armand understander and defender i almost cant stand to see it#the way that jacob and assad have done not one interview together this season and yet a million jacob/sam ones…#well.#i know what it feels like it is but i shant say. rhymes with dacism.#anyway enough rambling#im not putting this in the main tags#i will get attcked lmao
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can’t believe they just highlighted ichiro and kuukou’s hand size difference and matching rings set up in one swoop like that lmao
#this is vee speaking#like can you believe that lmao????? they break up and somehow still match each other despite the years being apart lol#they’re soulmates fr lol you can tell because their right hand pinkies are bare to keep their connected red thread of fate unobstructed lol#oooooooh that reminds me of some ichikuu art i wanted to make after track 5 came out hmmmmmmm#ngl i hope we’re getting more nb interactions between them lmao#i love kuukou and ichiro’s very brief back and forth that cleared the air between them#but i also feel like they were referencing a conversation we haven’t seen like an inside joke between them lol#and i would like that context lol but if it doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen lol#BUT I WOULD LIKE FOR IT TO HAPPEN—#also????? i think it was really cute when kuukou approached ichiro the first time saburo actually turned to look at ichiro concerned???????#like he knew kuukou was one of ichiro’s hurts??????? and was happy when they were cool again saburo wtf?????????
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guys I cant
#apparently im dating Ethan#but he fucking confessed to me on call so i would’ve felt awkward if i said no#and the thing is i do like him#like i rlly do but he never texts me#hes sweet yk but when i text him half of the time he just ignores it#and when we’re on call he doesn’t even talk half of the time#he claims i make him happy but like words and actions don’t line up#and im really trying bro#i want to try but its already happened with Luis and Aiden and i cant anymore#they took fucking everything from me#i was genuinely like depressed after luis and aiden#but aiden is such a great person so i don’t understand why he just gave up#me and aiden were literally soulmates and it’s not even in a romantic way atp#we bonded so well together we never had an awkward stage or nothing#the first time i met him we were on call for an hr and it would’ve been longer if i didn’t have to go#i feel so drained and awful all the time#i dont understand#and life isn’t even bad i just can’t do this#and i have no reason why#everythings overwhelming and stresses me out#school makes me cry#i don’t feel comfortable when im home#i wanna go back to wv#guys i miss my grandpa#i haven’t seen him in over a year because my aunt ‘cant handle’ going back to West Virginia#I get why but she don’t even have to go#she said she would send me and my sister on a plane by ourselves but then she just switched up and said no#everything is so exhausting#i can’t anymore
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having a sister is one of the most beautiful things in life. No one understands or supports you the same way. No one loves you more. No one knows how to hurt your feelings more. No one knows you better. Only your sister does. I think I got very lucky (Alhamdulilah), despite all, because I have my sister who genuinely cares for and loves me regardless of how unlikeable I can be at times. Who buys me things that I mention in passing when I can’t, who buys me my favorite food, who is my biggest fan, the most patient kind and gentle person, the one who has lived my entire life with me. I love having a sister. There is nothing more beautiful than having a loving sister.
#personal#feeling emotional i love my sister#blessed that we’re only 2 years apart but shes my forever soulmate!!!
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Haven’t been writing a lot of poetry lately, so I’m going to start writing something new(still going to write poetry if I’m in the mood, haha)
Thinking about doing a soulmate story, because soulmate stuff has been plaguing my mind lol
#it will be no beta#I mean people reading it are kinda like my beta I guess#in case if we’re to ever say#be published#which it probably wouldn’t#so no beta we die like I wish my feelings for her would#I know what writing soulmate stuff says about me#and uh#it’s right#but whatever#I will be doing it anyways#half-deadpoet#writers and poets#halfdeadpoet#halfdeadwriting#writeblr#writers on tumblr#writing
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I’ve been improving a lot mentally lately and today my wife (best friend who I’ve lived with for 7 years) told me she’s divorcing me (moving to a city we both swore we’d never live in) and she’s taking the kids (our dog) and this is just further proof that god will never allow me to be happy or hopeful
#i know I sound dramatic but it feels like a divorce#my entire life revolves around her#she’s my soulmate and I’ve known her for a million lifetimes#I spend all day anticipating her coming home from work so we can spend time together#I schedule nothing on the weekends because weekends are for being with her#she’s come to every family gathering I’ve gone to for at least the last five years#she’s my entire fucking life and she’s leaving me#I’m gonna have to leave our apartment that we’ve been in for 3 years#I don’t even know how to make other friends because we’ve never needed anyone besides each other#and maybe we’re codependent and rely on each other too much but it’s never bothered us#and I always swore I’d follow her anywhere but she knows I can’t go where she’s going this time#I’m still so sick that I need my family nearby to help me so I can’t leave them#and my doctors are all here and I’ve spent years finding doctors I actually like#and I HATE where she’s moving#we lived there together for a summer and it was awful and she swore that we’d never go back there#and when she told me she’s leaving she didn’t bother asking me to come bc she knows I can’t#and I’m so fucking mad at her#I don’t know who I am without her and I feel like chunks of me are being carved out of my chest
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2023 reads // twitter thread
If I See You Again Tomorrow
YA contemporary/light sci-fi
follows a boy almost a year into a time loop, who has almost given up on finding a way out
until a new boy shows up at his school - which has never happened before - and he’s motivated to step out of his monotony and maybe find a way out
exploring loneliness and social isolation
#If I See You Again Tomorrow#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#ok i enjoyed some aspects of this like the MCs personal journey and mental health stuff i guess. friendships.#but the romance was annoying and unnecesary. not just my bitter aro ass saying this a lot of other reviews do too lol#the love interest is convinced that you have to find your soulmate to get out of the time loop for no logical reason??? & the MC (and me) is#like what the fuck man that’s stupid.#but then also he’s like we can’t hang out; you just think you Like me because we’re both in this time loop; focus on finding your soulmate!!#LIKE WHO CARES ABOUT CRUSHES?#YOU’RE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN THIS TIME LOOP WHY WOULD YOU NOT WORK TOGETHER TO FIGURE IT OUT……….#this is more me being frustrated at the character than the author but i feel like. the author could have thought of some better reasons for#him to avoid the mc i guess lol. or at least lampshade the stupidity#it……sort of ends up being soulmatey anyway#or at least he decides they in love anyway but lol u guys spent one day together then didn't see each other for 2 months or whatever???#so the end was definitely disappointing#I think it would have been way better if he did all his friend and family goodbyes then went to the place#and nothing happened and it turned out that after 365 days you just. pop out of it; problem never ‘’solved’’.#but then he goes to find beau anyway and they start something on their own terms#(bc like getting ‘trapped forever’ after a year would mean there’s instances of two people disappearing forever at the same time - they have#no proof for that either? I guess they would also have instances of people saying they did just get out of it after a year too but. well may#be if that happens you have amnesia. which wouldn’t work for this book. but anyway)#idk#also him hating his mum made me cringe because that was Obvious. i feel like a little more time could have been spent on that#and like i did enjoy it overall for the majority of it that wasn't the romantic thing! it could have been so good if it removed that#and gave everything else its full focus
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not the meredith grey quote in the tag 😭😭😭
and honestly, she’s so real for that.
#i feel betrayed when it happens. yeah so maybe we don’t interact outside of silent reblogs and likes… but we’re platonic soulmates okay?!#alèssi says things#i love all of my step mutuals don’t get it twisted 😭 but PICK ME!!!!!#lit feels like im the last one chosen in pe 😂😭#🦇 anon#alèssi gets asked
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i know that i need to want myself first
and in most ways i do
but i really just want to feel wanted
i’m so tired of wanting and hoping only to have to reel that back in and try to forget that i ever wanted in the first place
ik that this is just part of what come with putting yourself out there
that disappointment is the only risk
and the rewards are fruitful either way
but i like japanese house says , I miss falling in love
I miss the feeling that you get when someone fits just like a glove
I used to feel that with practically every new connection I made
and now it’s so rare
idk if it’s solely bc I’ve changed or if the world has changed too
idk if I’m doing smth that makes people feel like they can’t show that side of themselves to me or what
but i hope that whatever it is i’m waiting for winds up being worth the wait
#if i don’t get kissed soon i think i might lose my mind a little#or at least more than i already have lol#i don’t even need things to feel like a soulmate connection just. acknowledging that we’re only here for a brief time together#and there is beauty in that as well#pls universe help me i am YEARNING
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More on Pain: firstly, know everything the lil Satanists do is a direct inversion of everything the Divine does; so no shit the lil Satanists “created” a God (Pain) who was intended to be like god, the Creator-god (Creator-gods is something I will clarify later just know only 3 of them exist). I put created in quotations bc the lil Satanists can’t actually Create shit they can only splice shit together… did u all know the lore on Nephilm is total bs? Let me set the record straight: do they actually come from Fallen Angels? No. Do Fallen Angels exist? Yes and no. No in the sense actual full fledged ones are not permitted to Exist. At all. So the yes part of the answer is? Reference many months ago me mentioning the Divine doesn’t allow cracks in the system— Fallen Angels are only shall I say temporary. Meaning they only “exist” in the 1st Universe (the one we are currently in) which is crudely put the Learning Universe. The 1st Universe is for new souls to learn, grow & ascend. Which is where ascension into Anglehood & Godhood takes place. So the only Fallen Angels that actually do exist are ones who screwed the pooch during their training to become actualized Angels. That’s why I said temporary. But yes their DNA is spliced into the DNA cocktail made by the lil Satanists (but keep in mind it’s not actually Angel energy/power they just say that to make it seem better than it is stronger than it is) They needed weapons for their doomed wars & so very badly want to be just like god (just the evil version lol). Splicing shit together is not Creating it’s just mashing things together that have already been Created & seen before n Destroyed (remember the Spiral how the current lil Satanists are NOT the first original batch of Satanists). I’ll also have everyone reading this post realize here & now you are NOT a Creation from god… or any Divine Being…. Let that sink in.
Why would I say something like that? a) it’s true af & b) no human reading this post is an actual, legit human. This is not the planet for humans. We’re not supposed to be here. I’m not fucking w you when I say that. So how are we here? The origin planet for Humans is called Tara. The lil Satanists have abducted humans from Tara and spliced their DNA with a whole bunch of shit. This current planet we are all on, called Earth 🌍, is a legitimate experimentation planet, a fucking zoo planet if you will. I will confirm to you all here and now all species of Big Foot exist & the reason why we don’t see them out walking 24/7 is bc they are designed to be subterranean. They were definitely spliced w human DNA just like us. Lmao guess what we’re all spliced w (not me n my dearly beloved Soulmate btw)…?
#lmao fucking Gray Aliens…. & btw the whole experiment fucking failed & im cackling!!!!#& y??? the shortest form of the answer is they (the lil Satanists) sought 2 achieve mind control. not influence but straight up program-u-#like-a-fucking-robot-micromanaging-like-fucking-hell type mind control playing sims w autonomy disabled…#& me n my sweet soulmate are spliced w a different species of alien 👽 ha ha suck on that! we’re the only 2 😂😭 im quite serious okay anyway#back to Pain (No Gain) He’s even a mystery man 2 His lil Satanists a lot of them were ignorant of His existence but the Gov’t knows abt him#Him* & what do they know (that’s all I’ll share 4 neow!)? basically that He has (had bc He’s now DEAD) imprisoned this planet both#spiritually & literally. let’s start w the literal physical. my dear n sweet Nikola Tesla (Musk u Musty Man back tf OFF HIM) figured out#with his brilliant brain & help of spirits this planet is being completely controlled. not what u may think! no I mean the lil Satanists#have fucked w this planet do much it no longer has gravity…. u think I’m lying bc all of our feet are on the ground but that wouldn’t be#the case if it weren’t for the Satanic aliens putting their gravity technology on this planet so what I’m saying is this planet when god#Created it had its own natural gravity system but when the lil Satanists conquered (which is being undone!) this planet they literally#can’t stand the fact they aren’t Gods but more so god himself so meaning they aren’t Creators & can’t Create they can only Engineer (y do u#think that’s what they named the fictional alien race from Alien Prometheus the Engineers?? DIRECT reference 2 reality the character David#is the lil fucking Satanists!!! (now go watch that movie franchise AGAIN lmao!!!)) so they r so butthurt n bothered by that factoid they#have to do shit that makes them feel in control like take away a planet’s natural gravity system n replace it w their own Engineered one#like lol tell us (we the Divine) ur bothered without sayin’ ur bothered 😂😭😭😭😭😭 literally lol n lmao!! so no not one species of anything#here is actually from here. science literally proves this shit & ur reactions 2 it r so funny i love how ppl r like eels n octopi 🐙 don’t#look like they’re from here & science proves no they actually aren’t & then u all pretend what was said was not just said… 😬 everything#that was once Original 2 this planet has long been dead. oh btw y not just drop the 4th atomic bomb on this 1 singular post: the true#story of Adam & Eve are the 2 Orginal male n female Humans (4 this hijacked planet) hanging in a Satanic lab…. just dangling getting their#DNA extracted n fucked w. so now moving on 2 the spiritual side of Pain (No Gain) is the shackles on this planet I was talking abt#religions r a very good place 2 begin w. when the lil Satanists hijack planets they attempt many methods of mind control & r always thwarte#so they must always resort 2 influencing! like influencers! 😂😭 anyway yes religions r a most excellent way 2 achieve total mind control of#large populations. if u can get everyone afraid of the same shit you can control them. super fuckin’ simple. & very easily achieved. burnin#on the Eternal Lake of Fire is a classic expample. so what am I saying? 2 b continued….#the lil Satanists told u the bs lore on Nephilm 2 brainwash us all into believing the Divine is surely corrupt but if everthing the lil#Satanists is a direct inversion of the Divine shows if the Satanists r corrupt then the Divine are not#& if u think n believe the Divine is also corrupt then y would u trust them? exactly
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death note serial murderer vs detective couple whose psychosexually charged interactions include: attempting to murder/execute each other, 5D gaslighting, declaring each other intellectual soulmates, chaining themselves together for investigative purposes & at one point the serial killer incorrectly but plausibly accusing the detective of framing him for murder!
my boyfriend hates me and won't come to our therapy dates after i framed and imprisoned him for murder so in this way i have suffered more than jesus
#due to confirmation bias sleep deprivaton and poor reading comprehension i sincerely thought this was a lawlight post sorry op#as a hannigram fan i feel they draw from like. a similar emotional & narrative source#theres like a scene in death note which im pretty sure is a silence of the lambs reference but that might just be me#the serial murderer spends approx 90% of the series pretending to solve his own murders while the detective is like#’doubt but we’re soulmates so let’s just see where this goes’
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“Meant to be”
Ridiculous
As if I need permission
Even if everything was against me
I’d still find a way
#feeling poetic#feisty even#I hope we’re not soulmates#I hope we’re doomed love#I hope the narrative wants to rip us apart#I want to see them *try*#this is the beginning of a poem I know it
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i dont like him
#like regardless of whether he’s obsessed with me or not#i just don’t feel the spark#or the chemistryyy#idt we’re compatible#we really dc about each other#we’re just talking to be talking ykwim#like no questions/curiosity abt one another#and its not smth to be forced#also why do we text again when it was like this the first time too#and thats why we gradually stopped talking#alsooo idc when its with others bc im the one to distance myself#but i dont like it when the guy isn’t showing interest like whos keeping u at#gunpoint and forcing u to talk to me#we literally dont have to do this??#idek how to stop#i cant bring myself to straight up ghost this dude idk why#when i could do it so easily to everyone else#anyways hes not my soulmate so it shudnt matter#iA i will find the one really soon ameen#random#ramblings#mylies#ameen
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