#i feel so weird being attracted to him.
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riveroflayne · 1 year ago
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can we talk abt him for a second..
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aroaessidhe · 6 months ago
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Sword of Kaigen
standalone fantasy set in a rural mountain village at the edge of an empire that still holds traditional values, with families of powerful water/ice magic warriors
follows a powerful young heir who begins to question his beliefs about the empire when a new boy comes to his village from the city
and his mother, a housewife who has tried to forget her youth as a warrior and vigilante in the city since she moved back home to a loveless marriage
when there’s a violent attack on their village that they’re unprepared for, everything changes, and she has to embrace her old skills to protect her family and people
#The Sword of Kaigen#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#I’ve been meaning to read this for years and I finally got around to it! a really unique fantasy novel#I had always assumed this was ur average pre-industrial high fantasy and then was immediately hit with video games/tv in the first chapter#lmao. But overall (aside from the broader worldbuilding/politics) it is closer to the average ‘historical’ fantasy narrative -#so I can see why I got that impression#Some really compelling characters and interesting narrative structure that went in some unexpected directions.#It really focuses in on one village and how devastating a single battle in a war can be to their people - and how much work the recovery is#I feel like most sff is more concerned with a single person and/or the whole war so this felt unique. did also mean that the pacing was odd#- it's a slow start; then there’s a battle that must be hundreds of pages. The last section of the book feels a little too drawn out#and brings up random hanging plot elements that don’t really go anywhere. But I think overall this works for the story.#also one thing I didn’t love - cool complex interesting female character MC sure but also there’s weird moments like:#the first scene we see her is all the housewives comparing their attractiveness; she keeps referring to herself as an old woman (when she’s#and oh so meek and useless etc. And some of this feels like it’s part of the broader portrayal of the misogynist society#but some of it felt clunky or unintentional?#And then especially the end - when she and her shitty husband finally confront each other as equals and he apologises#she basically immediately forgives him and is like oh I was equally at fault because I am a meek woman who didn’t try either#like him realising he was wrong (and her realising he had a reason for being the way he was) doesn’t negate the fact that he treated her li#she acts like it was her fault for not trying too - when we have numerous examples of him berating her if she spoke up about anything?#like im glad he’s learning. but also that doesn’t mean she needs to suddenly forgive and love him wtf#that's the only real thing that annoyed me though.#also btw that 5yo seems kinda fucked up. are you guys gonna do anything about that
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gifti3 · 4 months ago
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i love how they swarm this man
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gayghostrights · 2 months ago
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thinking about one sided blind faith again
#But like specifically in the context of aro Arthur in a QPR with John#And oscar is gutted because not only does Arthur not reciprocate his feelings he also doesn’t even trust him enough to tell him the truth#Because queer platonic wasn’t a word then so it would just be Arthur insisting he and John are friends#And maybe he’s repressed enough to also insist he’s straight#And he’s saying these things while being unnaturally close to John (so in sync and anticipating each others needs) and how is Oscar going#To complete with the closeness of someone who shared a body with Arthur?#Someone who shares his bed and brought him back from the edge and who just gets him ways Oscar thinks he never will#And to top it off Arthur is saying that their closeness isn’t out of the ordinary which feels like a slap in the face#Because if that was how he treated his friends wouldn’t he be holding Oscar’s hand under the diner table#wouldn’t he be bringing Oscar to his bed.#Wouldn’t he be talking to Oscar in that same affectionate tone#And Oscar internalizes it as both his own shortcoming because if he believes him that he and John are friends and not anything else and#That’s just how Arthur treats his friends then why isn’t he treating Oscar the same way he treats john#OR it means that Arthur is lying to him. That he doesn’t trust him enough to tell him who is he is and that he’s not a safe enough person#To come out to#And worst of all it means he doesn’t see (for lack of a better word…) Oscar or the way Oscar is breaking his back to be what Arthur needs.#It means Arthur doesn’t see how in love with him Oscar is because if he did see it then he would know to trust him with that side of himsel#But really!!! Arthur and John just have their weird little thing going on and Arthur doesn’t experience romantic attraction but the words#Don’t exist yet#Anyway#I’m normal#Blind faith#my beloved doomed ship#I want to make Oscar suffer <3 and I want Arthur to feel guilty about it
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annabelle--cane · 14 days ago
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saw a comment on a livejournal bh meta post from 2013 that sent me on an internal hero's journey about sexual misconduct and gendered power in being human
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faillen · 1 month ago
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faaun · 3 months ago
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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monachopism · 6 months ago
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am i autistic or am i just paranoid. level: impossible
#seeing a friend of mine for the first time in 2 years but it was at a 9hr work training and i barely talked to him the whole time#so i text our gc multiple times bc im excited#but everyones drained from the day#so am i being a good loving kind person or am i being annoying as hell#my brain says the first one and my gut says the second#i also might have a big fat crush on this man (he is unfairly attractive and kind and funny and TALL)#so i may be overreacting bc of that#i just missed him and now my big fat crush on him is bigger and fatter than ever#at the end of our first summer he hugged me tight and told me he loved me (platonically)#then he asked if i was coming back and i said yes without any hesitation#and then he didnt come back#so ive been going on 2 years of stewing in this fucking crush soup and now im just#tumblr is the only place where i can talk abt this no one important in my life can know this#no one#i just really like him#and i wanna be around him all the time#and i wanna sit with him and talk to him and laugh with him#and help him with stuff#and i have not had an actual crush on someone since my sophomore and junior year of high school#which was 4 and 5 years ago at this point#this guy also kept staring at me from across the room and everytime i would glace in his direction he would look away#and every time i would get a glimpse of him at training i could physically feel the butterflies#hell#every time i even thought about the fact that we were in the same general area i would get butterflies#this never happens to me and its such a weird feeling#would you be so kind by dodie is the anthem of the hour rn#and i know there's a huge part of me that thinks i am unlovable bc of how i look#and ive never had anyone love me or even like me enough to initiate any kind of anything#ive been on one date in my life#never been kissed never had sex
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antsday · 13 days ago
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honestly a lot of the most truly terrifying and manipulative horror-villain type characters come from romance authors who think they're writing a desireable male lead
#its so weird bc in-universe all the shitty stuff he does to the mc are apparently justified bc 1) he's conventionally attractive and#2) he's gonna grovel at some point. a really good grovel is a staple of the genre#but usually the ml is SO conventionally attractive he ends up becoming interchangeable w ANY hot guy and loops back around to being basic#like saying he has 8 pack abs or a husky voice a bazillion times does not make ur guy hot okay. not even close.#but thats forgiveable and largely a personal gripe.#then point 2 comes in and tell me why in so many books like this there's NO PATHETIC GROVEL#in so many cases its just a pathetic EXCUSE of a grovel like COME ON!! genuinely what's the point if there's no grovel why is this appealin#so in the end you're left with a guy who does terrible things and gets away with it bc everyone bends over backwards to justify it#and any bad thing that's ever happened to him(or smth bad that could happen to his 'perfect life') is used to guilt the mc into staying#bc he LOVES her and he'd do anything for her and why can't she see that? he's TRYING and who cares about the bad remember the good times?#and honestly i feel like (intentionally or otherwise) thats more accurate to how abusers are irl#as opposed to the inherently evil ireedemable monsters they're often portrayed as in fiction#and the fact that this is usually unintentional and that this is supposed to be romantic is kinda horrifying tbh#booktok#dark romance#ant speaks#ant rants
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bloodbathfortwo · 7 months ago
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What does everyone think of Nigel Forbes-Colbie ever getting pregnant? It doesn't matter how you interpret it: Omegaverse, males can get pregnant Au, Trans! Nigel. Just tell me your guys' headcanons of Nigel's pregnancy: The changes, the hardships, the softness, and the vulnerabilities.
#murderous intent#like minds 2006#like minds#alex forbes#nigel colbie#Alex Forbes X Nigel Colbie#Nigel Colbie x Alex Forbes#If you guys haven't noticed my recent posts I've been feeling way too soft for this fandom#Like#Too soft#And it's both Nigel and Alex's fault for making me too soft when all I want is to cause chaos and do crimes#To be honest I'd like to Imagine Nigel's pregnancy as an arduous one: Swollen feet . Sore back. Weird cravings. Mood swings. Everything.#And he isn't used to seeing himself get swollen with life each and every day. While Alex is so gullible first thing in the morning because#of the baby bump growing every single day. And Nigel getting rounder every week.#Sure. Nigel is enjoying being pampered by Alex with all these services and gifts but sometimes he thinks that he isn't that attractive#Anymore for Alex. And that while he's carrying his children he will leave him like a used toy.#He'd have instances where he'd feel conflicting feelings for their child and think of possibilities of removing her from his body#But he'd soon regret it. He just breaks down into tiny little pieces of ever thinking of their daughter that way. His and ALEX"S#He can never stomach killing her. He can never stomach ruining her beautiful life that he has yet witnessed.#He still has his self-harm tendencies but he avoids it. He avoids harming his angel. His miracle. His life.#He wants to be a good father to his child. He wants to nurture her. Feed her knowledge and love. Cater to her needs and be at her beck#and call: be a father.#Alex knows what's happening to Nigel. They talk. And they talk everyday. He knows how much it can be hard for Nigel during his pregnancy#And he will always be there to protect his spouse and his unborn child.#He will spite their original purpose in order to create their own purpose. Which Nigel had a hard time letting go of.#It was hard. Seeing the history that made them into the people they are today. But it had to#they had to change#change for their family.#For their miracle.#And Nigel seeing Alex being this doting makes him fall for him ten times more
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toytulini · 7 months ago
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saw fanart yesterday that i was ehh on
but it brought me to the conclusion that, if shrek was a lesbian, if shrek was a woman, i think she would be exactly the same as canon movie shrek, actually, and in fact. to the point, she would be so indistinguishable, that i can no longer be convinced that canon movie shrek isnt a he/him lesbian, and im excited to rewatch all the movies through the lens of percieving shrek this way. i think it will be based. excited.
#toy txt post#okay i think this post is sufficiently distanced from dunking on the fanart so i dont have to banish it to the drafts#have you no love in your heart for bald lesbian shrek?#smh turning him into a lesbian should not be that scene in shrek the third where they pluck his brows and put him in a wig#disclainer the fanartist is in their rights to draw whatever they want to draw yadda yadda i know#i simply think the fanartist is wrong ♡ also weird to choose to draw a scene with human fiona. instead of ogre fiona#idk i think i was approaching in slightly worse faith last night when i first saw it and im feeling more forgiving now.#maybe theyve drawn other scenes with ogre fiona and thats just the one that made it on my dash. idk#i did scroll through the shrek the third tag specifically looking for the scene where they dress him and fiona up#and saw the far more unforgivable sin of an edit of shrek with defined abs. far more haunting. no shrek of any gender would ever have abs#fuck i dont even think the human version of shrek that was specifically supposed to he conventionally attractive had fucking abs#i was also being unfair last night in the group chat scoffing at this persons taste in human fiona like why would you not draw like#the badass warrior fiona she was so cool. but thats unfair of me. ppl find beauty everywhere#but also really no ogre fiona? when like a big theme throughout the series is accepting her ogreself as she is and that shes still#beautiful like that?#....im gonna try to find that fanartist and block them so they dont see this post tho i dont want them to feel bad vdjsjdvjsgigdgri#which is why im making a post on my own blog the next day and not interacting with their post
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theultracharmingladynoire · 5 months ago
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#I MEAN. I LIKE GIRLS. RIGHT. WHY DOES THIS FEEL SO WEIRD. I HAVE HAD ONE(1) CRUSH BEFORE AND THAT WAS A GUY.MAYBE BECAUSE OF THAT? BUT THEN#NOW WHENI THINK ABT IT WAS ONLY HOW HE LOOKED. ESPECIALLYY HIS EYES AND HE HAD VERY UHHH DRAWABLE FEATURES. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE#THINKING OF IT...I NEVER EVEN LIKE THOUGHT ABT CONFESSING OR DATING OR EVEN TALKING WITH HIM....I actively avoided even thinking about it#at that time i thought that was because in a way i was guilty of having those feelings for him considering we barely had interactedand it f#felt weirdly creepy thinking of osmeone that way without their knowledge(??)#now i still retain some of that sentiment but also...was i really romantically or sexually attracted to him at all?#when i see people and actors and characters online i do find them hot but irl...do I really want that sort of thing?#whenver i read stories of romance and close friendships too i aways want to have those in mmy life. but#like okay romance aside...even in friendships i.i just can't do them?#i like helping people and i o enjoy having casula conversations i like being nice to people too nut#but it. it feels sort of suffocating to be close to people emotionally?#i dnt know how to put it but there's always a limit after which it starts feeling weird. i want close strong bonds with people but ifeel so#uncomfortable when it starts happening.so many people around me love me in all different forms but o i really love them all back in the sam#intensity? I think I can only say that for my parents. my friends...i don't know.#do i really care about them asmuch as they care about me?#i do a lot of things...i say a lot of things that can only be said if i cared about the other person honestly and earnestly..#but. butto me it really feels like it isnt that deep#these ats of servic don't come from my heart nor my head#i just. do them because...i don't evenknow..that's just my response...i really dont think anything of it.#i don'tknw. this is all so stressful i wish icould just do whatever i ahve to do for a day interacting with peopel andleavingeverything beh#behind when icome home. but then it feelsso lonely but being around people also makes me feeluncomfortable when i try to establish bonds wi#them.#i don't knwo i wish i never gto close to them in first place.....life wouldve been so much easier
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crunchsomebones · 5 days ago
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I forgot how attracted I am to internationally renowned musical artist Mika???? oh my gd??? holy fuck.?.? I just watched the music video for Love Today and I Need That Twink Carnally. i want him so bad. what the FUCK
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lucaswarmhotchocolate · 1 month ago
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EVERY CHARACTERISTIC I LIKE IN MEN IS JUST SOMETHING THAT REMINDS ME OF MY DAD IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF
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paleangels13 · 4 months ago
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Helloo, I still exist did anyone even notice I was mostly gone lol
Anyone interested in ehhh...slightly unhinged work-related talk?
No?
Well. Too bad
Anyone that knows me irl please ignore the tags – I'm embarrassed ✨🥰
#I said ignore the tags#please ignore them#I'm serious#alright soooo...i started this new job about 1 1/2 months ago... It's not great or anything neither is the payment but it's alright#also I can walk there from home bc it's so close by which is nice I guess#anywayyy it's a grocery store owned and run by a family (my boss and his wife + their 2 (3??) adult children)#now my boss is kinda hard to figure out I always think he's annoyed which makes me insecure but I think that's just how he is idk lol#but he isn't rude or anything (at least I never noticed??)#his wife seems nice and so does (one of) their daughter(s(?))#his son – who is idk probably in his early 30s?? could also be late 20s but I can't guess people's age – is the manager#he's nice as well I think and he even jokes around with (some of) the employees from time to time#either way...this is all rather irrelevant. Point is some part of me has decided to be uhhh weird about him in the past week ig#and I don't think that feeling was there before?? Idk I don't consider him attractive or anything (at least I don't think I do??) + he's#married (?? He's definitely taken) and has two children I think judging from his profile picture in our work-app at least and like I said#he could also be quite a bit older (I mean...yk)#anywayyy i am being weird about him and something within me turned into teenager mode or whatever and iiiiiiii don't know what to do lol#not that it's really a big deal I suppose it's just that he's my boss' son and my supervisor/manager/superior/?? which makes thoughts#outside of work weird (:#no i will not elaborate#alright tag rant over I'm not sure I really wanna post this this feels awkward to post publicly hah :')#will probably delete later#someone send help#((:
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fettery-fetterie · 4 months ago
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GIRL HELP WDYM I REACHED 30 TAGS??????? OMG???? I WASN'T EVEN DONE YET
ANYWAYS 31st: and that compared to a relationship where the communication lines are basically none or very fucking weak then yeah it is an upgrade I think. Idfk I was never in a relationship I'm just picking from the ones I've seen in my life
#it's like that one image i saw#under read more too bc i don't wanna get jumpscared#anyways i wanted to say#one thing is that I've been kinda into hlevpeka (how do you even call that?) for like. 2 years? 3?#it's just that it kinda fell off for me once i started thinking about the possibilities of hlevteo (which was around the end of 2023 so)#but ig the myth hunt trio as a whole is kinda making me pick it back#definitely the most underdeveloped out of the 3 tho. i have no idea what could lead to the same guy have weird shit going on with himself#well probably it is a want to learn about himself or something#they were separate for a good while so ig they wanna pick things back and learn together#what makes them them and what they like for themselves#and who can know you better than yourself (?) idk it's weird i need a good excuse still#anywayyyyys#I've also been thinking about something for hlevteo#like bc i want it to have significant differences over teopeka (healthier ones at that) and i think one of them would be like. transparency#and sincerity and “truth” (if you really wanna tie it back to myth hunting)#bc i feel they'd reach a point where they like. can be open with each other right#and i feel that'd amount to like. knowing stuff nobody else does#like teo would tell hlev like. oh yeah me and peka have been around for almost a decade now. yeah it was a very weird thing for those times#i think the reason why im even here with you is bc you remind me of him. ig i just gravitate towards you#and hlev would be like yeah dw it's fine. y'know you also kinda remind me of someone. of like- oh that's gonna be weird to explain#and then he explains to her the whole. Thing. about being a protagonist#and she'd be like “oh huh well alright. that's one more existencial crisis for me. anyways what does that have to do with anything#and he'd be like “yeah ok so the reason why i think im also around you is bc of the power dynamic(?) we have#like you're my boss still and i honestly like that? I think all those years of feeling helpless and powerless have kinda taken a toll on me#and she'd be like “oh huh alright i guess that makes sense. that's kinda sad tho”#(heavy projecting there with That Man™ but it's whatever)#anyways what im trying to say it's that like. it's not that the motives behind the attraction are healthier?#it's moreso the fact they explained them at length to each other that kinda is? bc then they can work from there right?#like they can like. at minimum make them not devolve into something obnoxiously bad
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