#i feel so sick right now which means they've done their job right

[stopthefeeling]

Emmerdale always was the master of the surprise death and tonight was no exception. A fantastic episode with the foreboding ranked up just a notch as the minutes went by until I felt shaken to my core in the last minutes of the episode as it became all too clear what was about to be revealed. Rishi Sharma, you will be so missed.

[lackadaisycats]

Hey Tracy! Have you heard about the new Ai called Sora? Apparently it can now create 2D and 3D animations as well as hyper realistic videos. I’ve been getting into animation and trying to improve my art for years since I was 7, but now seeing that anyone can create animation/works in just a mare seconds by typing in a couple words, it’s such a huge slap in the face to people who actually put the time and effort into their works and it’s so discouraging! And it has me worried about what’s going to happen next for artists and many others, as-well. There’s already generated voices, generated works stolen from actual artists, generated music, and now this! It’s just so scary that it’s coming this far. 

Yeah, I've seen it. And yeah, it feels like the universe has taken on a 'fuck you in particular' attitude toward artists the past few years. A lot of damage has already been done, and there are plenty of reasons for concern, but bear in mind that we don't know how this will play out yet. Be astute, be justifiably angry, but don't let despair take over. --------

One would expect that the promo clips that have been dropping lately represent some of the best of the best-looking stuff they've been able to produce. And it's only good-looking on an extremely superficial level. It's still riddled with problems if you spend even a moment observing. And I rather suspect, prior to a whole lot of frustrated iteration, most prompts are still going to get you camera-sickness inducing, wibbly-wobbly nonsense with a side of body horror.

Will the tech ultimately get 'smarter' than that and address the array of typical AI giveaways? Maybe. Probably, even. Does that mean it'll be viable in quite the way it's being marketed, more or less as a human-replacer? Well…

A lot of this is hype, and hype is meant to drive up the perceived value of the tech. Executives will rush to be early adopters without a lot of due diligence or forethought because grabbing it first like a dazzled chimp and holding up like a prize ape-rock makes them look like bleeding-edge tech geniuses in their particular ecosystem. They do this because, in turn, that perceived value may make their company profile and valuations go up too, which makes shareholders short-term happy (the only kind of happy they know). The problem is how much actual functional value will it have? And how long does it last? Much of it is the same routine we were seeing with blockchain a few years ago: number go up. Number go up always! Unrealistic, unsustainable forever-growth must be guaranteed in this economic clime. If you can lay off all of your people and replace them with AI, number goes up big and never stops, right?

I have some doubts. ----------------------

The chips also haven't landed yet with regards to the legality of all of this. Will these adopters ultimately be able to copyright any of this output trained on datasets comprised of stolen work? Can computer-made art even be copyrighted at all? How much of a human touch will be required to make something copyright-able? I don't know yet. Neither do the hype team or the early adopters.

Does that mean the tech will be used but will have to be retrained on the adopter's proprietary data? Yeah, maybe. That'd be a somewhat better outcome, at least. It still means human artists make specific things for the machine to learn from. (Watch out for businesses that use 'ethical' as a buzzword to gloss over how many people they've let go from their jobs, though.)

Will it become industry standard practice to do things this way? Maybe. Will it still require an artist's sensbilities and oversignt to plan and curate and fix the results so that it doesn't come across like pure AI trash? Yeah, I think that's pretty likely.

If it becomes standard practice, will it become samey, and self-referential and ultimately an emblem of doing things the cookie-cutter way instead of enlisting real, human artists? Quite possibly.

If it becomes standard industry practice, will there still be an audience or a demand or a desire for art made by human artists? Yes, almost certainly. With every leap of technology, that has remained the case. ------------------ TL;DR Version:

I'm not saying with any certainty that this AI blitz is a passing fad. I think we're likely to experience a torrential amount of generative art, video, voice, music, programming, and text in the coming years, in fact, and it will probably irrevocably change the layout of the career terrain. But I wouldn't be surprised if it was being overhyped as a business strategy right now. And I don't think the immensity of its volume will ever overcome its inherent emptiness.

What I am certain of is that it will not eliminate the innate human impulse to create. Nor the desire to experience art made by a fellow soul. Keep doing your thing, Anon. It's precious. It's authentic. It will be all the more special because it will have come from you, a human.

[maxwellatoms]

Hello Mr. Atoms, I'm an animation student in college and fan of your work. I got this assignment in which I need to ask questions to a professional in the area. Could you pretty please answer them? It'd mean a lot to me.

1- Are you happy with your career? How it's going.

2- What are your opinions, expectations and hopes about the independent animation industry that's developing?

3- What do you think about the advent of artificial intelligence? Do you fear for the future of animators?

4- If money wasn't a problem, would you still do what you do?

5- Any animators you admire and would like to mention?

Okey dokey.

1- Are you happy with your career? How it's going.

Not really, in that there seems to be no career left.

The animation industry swelled its numbers greatly before 2020. Almost immediately after that, corporate greed synergized with a pandemic to reduce animated programs and the number of people working on them to almost zero. It takes almost a year from beginning to end to make a single episode of an animated show (by the modern standard). There was nothing being made in 2020 and four years later, we''re not in a much better spot. It's going to be a long drought for (especially) Kid's TV Animation.

Recently, many of my former co-workers have hit the financial wall and can't continue, moving away after (sometimes) 20 years in the industry. I begin to wonder if I'm very far behind.

A "bounce back" a year from now would need to start today. There are still some animated shows being made now, but those are almost universally "library" properties. That means it's an existing I.P. (Intellectual Properties like Garfield/Mario/Batman/Star Wars) so as an artist you're immediately in that box. Depending on the property and the studio, it can be an unpleasantly tight box. I grew used to holding and maintaining the vision for a show, but it's less fun when it's not my vision. It's even less fun when you can't inspire someone to follow your vision because they've been so ruthlessly abused.

I'm pretty sick of how big media corporations treat their employees. If I inherit one more burnt out crew due to mismanagement, I'm gonna lose it.

Over a decade ago I fought hard to get board artists story credit for the episodes they were actually writing, and felt like I'd won a big victory for everyone. The second my back was turned, it all reverted.

Mostly... what is the point now? My career is/was developing ideas, crafting those ideas into a workable show, then managing teams of thirty to seventy people to produce a couple of dozen episodes per year. Studios actively do not want new ideas right now, and are actively searching for ways to eliminate what artists from the process. I'm not sure what my job would be under this new system, but it feels like they decided to hang onto the anxiety-inducing deadlines while removing anything remotely pleasurable from the experience.

2- What are your opinions, expectations and hopes about the independent animation industry that's developing?

It's the only way to get anything done, currently.

The current state of the industry is not sustainable. I (along with a lot of other animators I know) are trying to decide what's next, and pretty much everyone agrees that "you just have to make something".

It is (in that very specific way) a great time to be a young animator. The system was never going to treat you well anyway. If you can get something like a Hazbin Hotel happening without studio help, you can currently write your own ticket. I'm super proud of Vivsie, because that's a LOT of stuff to handle. I never had to handle my own marketing or drum up money to make Billy & Mandy happen.

There are opportunities there, but it's definitely "Hard Mode". The best idea is probably to team up with a few other people you like and like to work with.

Hopes? I hope that the young animators take over and make something new on top of the bones of the old industry, rather than just allowing that industry to patch its rotting hide with their collected works.

3- What do you think about the advent of artificial intelligence? Do you fear for the future of animators?

I suspect true AI might just peace-out like ScarJo in "Her", but we're not there yet. What we have now isn't Artificial Intelligence at all (though I do believe it may be the underpinnings of the Artificial Suconscious of what may one day become an actual Artificial Intelligence.)

The LLMs and "Generative AI" are (so far) a big dumb waste. They consume tons of energy and aren't great for doing anything creative. If you've sat down with Chat GPT for a creative writing session, you've probably run into the "out of the box" limitations which prevent it from talking about sex or violence-- which happen to be a major component of most stories.

Still, the technology has come incredibly far in an incredibly short amount of time. I imagine we're going to hit the point where we're being hazed by artificially generated political ads way before Generative AI can produce a consistent and usable character turnaround, so that'll be the test. Whatever the legal fallout is from this stuff over the next few years will set the tone.

Still, studios have a vested interest in pleasing their shareholders. Generative AI potentially has the capability of not only replacing swaths of money-eating artists, but handing that control directly to the billionaire studio heads. Mark my words: We're headed straight for billionaire-generated content.

I don't think the public at large will want to watch Elon Musk's fever dreams, so there's that. So law and general distaste might stave it off for a while, but I think there's just too much impetus for studios to continue to try to please their investors. "AI Art" is here to stay.

Eventually that will lead to millions and millions of bots generating millions and millions of songs and paintings and movies all day every day. Most of it will be utter trash. Right now (so I'm told) viewers are already burnt out, and will generally only click on what they already know. On Netflix, where there are twenty things you've never heard of and one you have, you're more likely to pick the thing that gives you comfort and gives you a guarantee you're not wasting your time. With exponentially more A.I. trash, how would you even begin to filter it out?

You'd need absolute control of an already existing distribution system. We currently have a few of those, and all of the media companies are desperately trying to merge with them to insure their own survival.

To me, the post-Gen-AI landscape looks a lot like old-school Cable, but with endless I.P. and fewer masters.

4- If money wasn't a problem, would you still do what you do?

The real question is, maybe, "What am I even doing?" These days I try to do a lot of gardening. I'm trying to learn new art skills, because suddenly twenty five years of experience managing, drawing, and writing isn't worth much. I recently worked on Jellystone until Zaslav lost 2.5 billion in the wash and had to find justification for his new yacht. The show before that? Also culled midway through to save money. The days of multi-year gigs seem to be over, and if I'm going to scrape by doing freelance, maybe I can do that somewhere else.

I'll always make art. I can't seem to help it. Ideas aren't my problem-- it's executing those ideas without the help of a structured pre-existing system. I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to pull that off. My strengths are great, but were always supported by friends I worked with.

Can I start an indie cartoon with all of these cool friends? Sure, maybe. Most of those people have gone on to have other careers of their own and got used to being paid. Now nobody is getting paid and no one can pay anyone else. My immediate circle are all now middle-aged people with families and no jobs. Convincing them to give up a large chunk of their day for an idea that's not guaranteed to pay off is going to take some real effort.

I technically have fifteen years until I can claim my "retirement", assuming that still exists by then. That's a pretty big hole to fill with... I don't know what.

The difficult "What comes next" discussions at home are really just starting.

5- Any animators you admire and would like to mention?

There are a lot of cool animation people out there. I already mentioned I was proud of Vivsie. I was also reminded recently just how great C.H. Greenblatt and Mr. Warburton are. I know they're my friends. They're both just really upstanding, creative people who take good care of their crews.

The treatment of animation industry professionals by the studio system has been one of the most demoralizing and heartbreaking parts of this demoralizing and heartbreaking time.

---

So there ya go. If you want to look for someone whose attitude is a little more upbeat, I won't blame you a bit.

Wherever you are, I wish you the best of luck. For me, just climb up there and crush it. I would very much like to add you to #5 someday.

[artofhazbinhotel]

A staticmoth story in which Valentino feels neglected and Vox makes it worse by accident but they solve their issues the only way they know how.. sex. (I was not detailed but if that makes you uncomfortable skip) my AO3 will have the more detailed version soon

Vox had been staying out at night to work on a new project pulling all nighters for at least a week now and he was exhausted, he thought he knew a way to cheer himself up and finally get some sleep: Valentino. He actually came home tonight and Valentino was watching his latest work on TV as he often does, he's very proud of his work despite Velvette and Vox not wanting to see it in the living room. When he heard the door he peeked over the couch with an antenna twitch to see who, hoping it was finally Vox, it was.

His Voxy flopped onto the couch beside him, laying on his back across his legs, "You would not believe the day I had" small talk seemed to be a good way to go about this Vox figured, he would never just straight out ask 'want to have sex?' that's Val's job.

Valentino cupped his face with a hand while another laid across his chest "My poor baby" he let go, "It's a shame you do it to yourself."

Vox rolled his eyes ignoring the comment, "I missed you" He smiled.

Valentino couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at this, of course he missed Vox, but he was pissed off at him for neglecting him so long, past the point of trying to seduce him for attention, that's how pissed she was. "Yeah?" So he doesn't deserve to hear it in return he decides.

Vox didn't expect to hear it back anyway but it still kind of stung, finally he sits up despite how comfy that position was, he always found Valentino's lap a nice pillow after a long day. "You deserve attention even if you didn't miss me, is there anything I can do for you baby?" Vox was really hoping sweet talk would get his 'business partner' out of this mood he seemed to have right now, sometimes it does, it's 50/50.

"You mean what I can do for you?" Val glared.

Vox shook his head trying to clarify what he meant, "No, you can just lay back, I'll take care of you, you deserve it" he whispered seductively tracing a hand along the other's thigh.

Valentino could almost laugh at that sad attempt even if he was into it, instead he pretends to ponder it "Hm.. No."

Of course the TV demon figured Valentino was just rejecting him wanting to be a top so he sighs in defeat, "Fine, okay, you can use me to feel good instead then, how's that sound?" He was almost certain the phrasing would make Valentino extremely interested, he's into that shit. But for whatever reason that shocked him, Valentino rejected it all together "I don't want to have sex."

Vox's eyes widened a little, his partner has never said that to him, or ever that he knows of. "Oh- that's fine- ..Are you not feeling good or? You don't smell like alcohol so I didn't think it was an issue to offer, you don't seem high either, or at least not past the normal amount" Rambling.

Valentino glared daggers, much more intimidating than any actual blade, "You have such an ego you think I have to be sick not to want to fuck you?"

Usually in their arguments they've both done something, but Val hasn't done anything wrong for once, Vox doesn't think he has either, right? He's starting to question it finally. "What?? No, I was just checking on you-" he cringed at himself for the nervous tone.

His moth scooted away and sat up properly , the moth's fluff puffing up with his words and tone of distain "You leave me alone for an entire week and the first thing you do when you're back is offer sex. What? You only want me when it's convenient? I bet this is just a stress relief, I'm not your fucking stress ball, or sex toy, fuck off."

Wait, Valentino feels that way..? Vox was now panicking about how royally he fucked up, it did cross his mind Val might be guilt tripping him so he won't do this again, but it felt real and he felt guilty just for thinking that. "Val, no, I only offered because you like sex, I was busy, I didn't leave you alone on purpose, and you weren't alone, you had your workers. I didn't even think you would notice.." He mumbled that last bit.

Valentino huffed and crossed his multiple arms, "Of course I noticed, I noticed you didn't want me." they lowered. A hand was on his cheek and a bright screen was close, he squinted.

"I *never* don't want you, get that in your head, I said I missed you and I meant it."

The hand rubs softly and Valentino switches up so fast, his antennas lowered "Really?" It was so soft.

Vox nodded quickly and Val leaned into his touch, he missed it so much. "Then show me how much you want me" It was more of a demand than a request, and Vox felt a little awkward about this considering his heart rate went up with all that guilt but Val could fix that.

He leaned in more, hovering over Valentino slightly on the couch to kiss him when they leaned back. 4 sets of arms roamed over his body and exploded, getting reacquainted. He could shiver, sure Valentino had those workers but Vox had a week without anything, which was really odd for him. He was desperate.

Their tongues collided in a sloppy way with need to feel it again. Val moaned into the kiss, by now he had perfected the sounds Vox likes best. Vox WAS told to show Val he wants him so he was also getting handsy. One hand slipped up the other's shirt to fidget with those piercings that it personally thought would be extremely painful to get if you aren't a hardcore masochist. Sharp fingers dug into his skin and now he was the one moaning against the makeup makeout session, it felt a little better than usual after being deprived.

Vox's other hand sunk to push up Val's dress, no longer surprised by the fact there's nothing under it, he pulled back from the kiss catching air, salvia was at his mouth and he was breathy, "You said you didn't want it but you were waiting for the opportunity, weren't you?" The tone dropped as well to be more pleasing.

Valentino's breath hitched and he nodded with a squeak moving his hips against Vox's hand to make the contact better. "C-Call me a slut for it, don't be scared, admit it"

He had mentioned in the past his kink for being degraded but slut always felt weird to Vox considering Val's occasional acting. He decides to let it slide just this once since they're focused on making the other feel better. "What a needy slut, you were probably picturing how much I'd need you if you played hard to get"

Valentino twitched in approval at the twist of the other demon's hand, his own slipped to the pants palming "Like you don't feel the same, I can't imagine how much you need me right now"

A non intentional groan escaped "Fuck, I do, I thought about you so much"

Valentino leaned in to whisper, "Did you touch yourself watching those cameras when I was with those whores?"

Vox averted eye contact, it wasn't like he was into it- he thinks. It was just.. a way to cope with jealousy, yeah. "Maybe."

Valentino kissed along his neck "I thought of you when I was with them, no one is better than you"

Those words were something Vox has been dying to hear for so long, he moved against the touch "Touch me directly, please, keep saying I'm better"

"Who's the needy slut now?"

(the cut off)

They proceeded to do what they do for several hours, Vox was so exhausted though he passed out after a few rounds. He was laying on Valentino's chest using his neck fluff as a pillow, thank God Valentino's wings cover or velvette would be more traumatized than usual. As much as she wanted to bitch about the couch she also was glad Vox was finally sleeping so she left it be and didn't wake them.

When they woke up Vox lazily asked "are you feeling better? Not mad?"

Valentino reached around for his glasses because of the blinding windows but mumbled a "Better"

The other demon was quiet for a moment, maybe Valentino would be too sleepy to process: "I'm sorry" it was a mumble, normally he'd just buy him something but it felt needed after that conversation yesterday.

Valentino blinked a little, shocked. But he just pushed Vox off of him to get up, "Don't do it again."

[torchwood-99]

Eowyn's Leadership Skills

"All is well. It was a weary road for the people to take, torn suddenly from their homes. There were hard words, for it is long since war has driven us from the green fields; but there have been no evil deeds. All is now ordered, as you see. And your lodging is prepared for you; for I have had full tidings of you and knew the hour of your coming."

I love this look at what Eowyn had to do while everyone else was fighting at Helm's Deep. This little glimpse at the duties she had to perform and the hardships she faced.

"The hard words" are especially interesting. Were these "hard words" from the people, reluctant to be evacuated, or from Eowyn and her support staff, having to use hard words to get things going. Most likely it was a mix, with there being clashes and conflict, in which Eowyn obviously prevailed and managed to sucesfully complete her task.

It's interesting that Eowyn notes how it was hard for the people she was leading to suddenly be taken away from their homes. Even when explaining how some of the people made the job harder and didn't instantly obey, she's focussing on the reasons why, instead of expressing anger, bitterness or disapproval.

It's clear she's capable and competent, considerate of her people's feelings yet also firm and ready to keep them in line. Even when describing the difficulties they've had, she acknowledges this is due to the hardships the people are enduring. This shows her as just, and she differentiates between people being disobliging, and there being "evil deeds". At the same time, she's no pushover. She knows why her people struggled to do as ordered, but she still made sure they did it.

The manner in which Eowyn communicates the situation is revelatory as well. She's concise with her description of events, specifying that there were troubles, why there were troubles, but also that there were no "evil deeds", and assuring Theoden that everything is organised and set.

This is all we see of Eowyn as a leader, but it's clear why her people have so much loyalty to her. Why Hama named her to rule in Theoden's stead and declared that "all love her." Why Elfhelm and his Eored disguised Eowyn's identity when she wished to ride to battle with them. You can imagine, with Theodred and Eomer off fighting, Theoden succumbing to sickness, and Grima pulling the strings, the people must have looked to Eowyn; with the competency, control and compassions she shows here, as their most reliable and trusted leader.

Even when Eowyn leaves Dunharrow, which is seen a desertion of her leadership duties (although according to some sources, Erkenbrand is left in charge in the forces left to defend Rohan, so even then her people weren't without a leader, meaning she didn't leave until her charges were settled and had someone else to follow), we see how she has traits that make her a promising leader. We see later how Merry is inspired by Eowyn's courage, while Eowyn in turn sees Merry's qualities and empathises with them, then takes practical action to do what she sees if most just towards him.

Eowyn has excellent qualities for a leader. She is just, she is compassionate, she is firm and practical and gets things done. She inspired her people and they trust her during times of upheaval and fear.

For all that this is great, there's a sadness that these qualities of Eowyn have been overlooked by her own kin. Theoden doesn't even consider putting Eowyn into a position of authority until Hama suggests it. And while both Theoden and Eomer's right to choose to go to battle goes unquestioned (Theoden says Eomer wouldn't agree to stay behind even if Theoden wished it, Theoden insists on riding to battle against Eomer's advice) Eowyn gets no such choice.

There is one slight improvement in Eowyn's position with her family. At Edoras, Eowyn waits on Theoden and his guests. At Dunharrow, she dines with him and Eomer. The position of leadership allows her to at least sit with her family, instead of waiting on them like a servant. But how she gains that position of respect is facilitated by the respect she has earned from the common people, instead of the respect her family has for her.

It is Hama who names Eowyn, speaking on behalf of the people ('all love her'), as a capable ruler. It is Elfhelm and his eored who acknowledge Eowyn as a fighter and facilitate her right to choose to go to battle, to face the enemy head on for once instead of staying in a role that is crushing her spirit.

Merry, who has known Eowyn for mere days, gains a better understanding of Eowyn's character than her kin ever do. Sadly, Theoden dies before he gets to truly know who his niece was, but Eomer gets a second chance, after discovering just how much his sister has been suffering.

Eowyn in the end aspires to the role of Healer (whether literal or metaphorical isn't spelled out) a role that Aragorn takes on to prove his kingship, and is also the role that the incredibly powerful leader Lord Elrond takes on. She also marries Faramir, who talks of their life together in Ithilien on equal terms, discussing how they will go together and together they will make things grow, and how the actions of the White Lady will result in joy coming to the land. She was always a leader in the making, but it took a while for her and her family to see it.

But I bet you, when word got back that Eowyn had snuck into the army and defeated the Witch King, the general attitude among the people was less shock that a woman went to battle and defeated such a terrible for, and more "Of course she did! Is anyone even surprised?'

[ghostofasecretary]

i still mask indoors basically all the time. idk man it seems polite? i have a friend who's immunocompromised and so i have really strong feelings that people like my friend should have more protections in public? i'm a queer liberal? to my knowledge i have never gotten covid and i don't want to and also getting sick less is great actually?

so, like, that's all fine and i don't usually talk about it because it's not a big deal

but. i am now working a part time customer service job in ~middle America~ and WOW do people want to talk to me about my mask.

by which i mean:

fig 1. "why do you wear a mask?" "i just do." "you know covid isn't real, right? it's a government scam."

fig 2. "why do you wear a mask?" "habit, really :)" "you know my father lived through the Spanish Flu. they've gone back and done some research and most people died of bacterial pnuemonia because of wearing masks." "...okay." "because they aren't clean. do you change your mask often?" "[visibly wearing a KN95] yeah i have disposable masks and reuse them like 3-5 times and then use a new one." "okay good just checking"

fig 3. "why do you wear a mask? or you sick or trying at prevention?" "trying at prevention. i wouldn't come to work if i were sick." "hmm."

fig 4. "oh hey hun! how's your day?" "great, thanks! how's yours?" "good, good. y'know, it's funny, i'm hard of hearing and usually read lips. masks make things harder for me."

fig 5. [elderly person] "can you speak up i can't hear you through that mask"

and like. i am sympathetic to 4 + 5, not at all sympathetic to 1 + 2, and nonplussed at 3.

but mostly i'm just REALLY TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT MASKING

(oh also i forgot the most obnoxious one which is old men complaining about not seeing my face. i'm chronically autistically bad about certain kinds of lying but i really wish i weren't in that instance because i want to say something stupid about how ugly i am but i know i'd Regret It. my face is fine! i like my face! IT'S NOT FOR STRANGERS WHOSE GROCERIES I'M BAGGING)

[thessalian]

Thess vs The Usual Aggravations

Well, we're getting more or less back to normal. Temp's back on a phased return, so she's doing fewer hours for a bit, but otherwise we've got everybody in. Well. In theory. I mean, except for when The Other Part-Timer has an appointment that apparently she didn't bother to tell anyone about until it was, "Oh, I have to leave for the entire afternon". And Goblin having an appointment that meant she was out in the morning. And Temp coming in an hour later than she originally said she would. You know - poor communication bullshit that Scruffman lets slide because he dislikes confrontation.

Now, it's nice that we're back to at most low three figures in the typing queue. Like, a little over a hundred. The problem is that the girls are back to the same old bullshit when it comes to the typing. One of the girls, and I have no idea which one, took a bunch of typing out of the queue yesterday morning and put it all back in in the mid-afternoon, which meant that I had to bust my ass if I wanted to have all of the previous day's typing done by close of play (which is our basic target). And today ... well, we didn't quite manage that, but that's only because I got fed up. Only four cases were dumped back int the queue in the mid-afternoon when by timestamp they should have been finished that morning. Just they were Annoyances, one and all. Worse - training Annoyances; ones taking their cues from other producers of Annoyances (and Monstrosities, worse yet) on top of the kinds of mistakes and tripping-over-words you get from a trainee.

I did three out of the four. I refused to get stuck with all four. I absolutely fucking refused. Goblin's in until half-five; she can handle the bullshit. Because, seriously, I am exhausted and in pain and really not feeling well, but I am getting through it because I have next week off and the workload will look bad enough as it is when I get back without being off. Because ... well, seriously. I give the others the consideration of trying to keep things at least a little manageable when they're away - more for the patients than for them, but still. Do they do me the same courtesy? Absolutely not. I wish I knew why the hell I alway seem to end up with colleagues who take ridiculous advantage of my work ethic and basic consideration. There have to be good secretaries out there, right? I can't be the only one. It's not that all my contemporaries in the field are lazy mares with no understanding of what our job means, is it? Because that would depress the hell out of me.

Scruffman sent me an email thanking me for all my hard work the last six weeks. "We'd have been lost without you" is what he said. I swear, though, if the rest of his team don't stop dumping the worst of everything on me, I'm going to end up the one on the sick leave, and I would bet serious money that we won't fare nearly as well if I end up on sick leave. Apparently they can survive losing any number of people for awhile ... as long as that person's not me.

I'd bring up the issues to Scruffman again, but seriously, nothing ever happens, and frankly he shouldn't have to be hovering over his typists to ensure they distribute the workload evenly and don't cherrypick only the easiest and least annoying bits of typing to the exclusion of all else. And that's what he'd have to do, because they might improve for a week but then right back to the laziness when the dust settles. It may not be a reflection on my value to the department, but it's still depressing as fuck when I bring up a complaint and nothing happens. It's not like it's Scruffman's fault that my colleagues are lazy, and there's not much he can do about it. He's spoken to them, but they've just gone back to base lazy soon after. Scruffman can't police them - he has other duties, so all he can really look at is if the typing's getting done, and it is, so ... sucks to be me.

At least there's no overtime.

[hellwurld]

Hi Hey Hello!!!! How are you doing?

I just wanted to say ur trophy husband au acc makes me feel SICK to my stomach when i read it (i promise i mean this is an incredibly positive way pls believe me) but OMG whenever you update i have to physically brace myself for the absolute banger that is your writing. Whenever I read it I always live react to my friend and send her sc and scream over text and idk how shes not done with me but its fine!!!!! I LOVE how codependent loscar are in this and I know loads of ppl want them to break up but atp, it's so normalised for them that even me as the reader just isnt surprised when smth happens. Call me weird but while I do hope it gets better I kinda dont want them to break up. Also at first I was so rooting on Lando being the hero and saving Logan but now I've realised it's acc quite fitting how he's just ignoring it. Logan is a constant reminder to Lando of failure that he could very well face and be victim to because hes team mates with oscar too. It's almost like maybe norgeant could be each other's in another, better life and I love that you did that. Your writing is genuinely so majestic and beautiful and my hand slaps over my mouth with every sentence I read. Your words have acc impacted me sm and I can't WAIT for the next update (but take ur time fr, incredible work like this CANNOT be rushed!!!!)

Hope you have a lovely/day night 💕

ahhhh tysm!!! i really appreciate it, this is so kind of u!!! writing this dynamic is really fun for me; i have a tendency to favor more toxic and/or complicated relationships in my writing, which i'm sure says SOMETHING about me.

loscar are incredibly codependent in this fic, they've just been together, both romantically and as friends, for too long to really let each other go. your interpretation is really right on the money though: logan is not going to leave until oscar forces him to, and oscar doesn't want logan gone. i try to not say it too directly, bc i love a "show, don't tell" moment, but i try to allude to it with sentences like "[Logan could] Maybe even [be] Oscar Piastri’s husband, if he's lucky." idk they just have a really interesting dynamic to write!! people wanted lando to be the savior almost as much as they want me to write a loscar break up! unfortunately, it's just not gonna happen. lando sees logan as too much of a threat to his career and mental and job security, and logan sees lando as too much of a threat to oscar's career to really show any vulnerability or place any trust in him. norgeant are parallels in a way that neither of them really want to be!

anyway! i appoint u with the media literacy award (/j) and absolutely love how much you're enjoying the fic!!! more to come soon <3

[attackedastoria]

In this rant essay I will be talking about entitlement in the new age of social media concerning the art fommunity and why It Is Bad

So. After witnessing an absolutely infuriating incident of a fellow artist being mocked, insulted, and generally dog-piled on for "gatekeeping", I really feel the need to address something becoming more and more prevalent in the artist community.

Artists are not here to hold your hand through learning their creative process. Full stop.

In this new, fast paced age of social media and everything being accesible at your fingertips, people want instant gratification for everything. Including art. I have witnessed, and personally experienced, time and time again, people asking artists for their exact process on how they created a piece of art. I'm not talking simple questions like, "Hi, what type of clay do you use?", or "What is your favorite brand of paint for this?"; I am seeing an increase of people demanding to know the EXACT process, step by step, and not only that, they expect the artist to give it to them freely, and hold their hand through it with a happy smile.

If an artist refuses, as is their right when it comes to the art they've likely spent a decade or more perfecting through means entirely self taught in most cases? Ah, I can hear the response now, like a screeching eagle upon the wind: "Stop gatekeeping! You're mean!"

We aren't "gatekeeping" anything. No one is entitled to an artists methods, time, or knowledge, *especially* for free. Thanks to social media, everyone seems to want to continuously consume content, from artists in particular, FOR FREE. People now feel entitled to *demand* artists for walk-throughs, how-to's, in depth videos or tutorials, and by God, if you refuse, you're gonna be sorry!

I've been creating art seriously since I was twenty. I'm nearly forty now. I am entirely self-taught. If I wanted to learn something new, I looked it up and researched it, or figured it out myself. No one held my hand through any of this. I never asked another artist for expliciy details on their methods besides maybe a, "Hey, do you like this clay or that clay better?", and even then, I never got upset if I didn't get a response, because I'm not entitled to their time. Everything I make, I figured out through trial and error until I was satisfied. Honestly, it's part of the fun for me, figuring something out and having it work the way I want it to.

Now, there are of course plenty of artists happy to share their methods. They are happy to be teachers, mentors, guides for other people. I applaud them for this, because it's very hard to be a teacher. I could never do it. Most people can't.

I dont have the time, setup, money, motivation, or frankly the personality to teach people anything. My art is also my *job*; it is how I make a living, pay bills, get through life. There's nothing wrong, at all, with an artist not wanting to share methods they've perfected in their art, which puts food on their table. Despite what so many people think, not all art is just a DIY hobby. ART CAN BE, AND IS, A REAL JOB THAT PEOPLE RELY ON TO SURVIVE. So why would an artist want just give away their hard earned methods that help put food on the table for free?

Anyway... I hate the term "gatekeeping", now. I'm sick of watching friends be attacked because they don't want to give away their time and knowledge to every person that asks for free. I'm tired of getting chewed out in DM'S or comments because I won't troubleshoot every single question someone who is trying to replicate my pieces has. Google is free. YouTube is free. Do your research and figure out like so, so many people before you have done. I promise it's more rewarding than badgering someone to do all the legwork for you.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED talk

[living-d3ad-gh0ul]

Tuesday 16th May 2023, 06.17am

I'm sorry it's been a little while since I've wrote anything. I know it's not been *that* long but.. it's been longer than I wanted it to be. I was just really busy getting ready to start my new job and um.. last week some really awful things happened.

My dad is really sick. He's in hospital right now and he lives down in England (he moved there to be with my stepmum, unfortunately she passed away 9 years ago but he's never came back because I think he feels closer to her down there. He loved her so much. As did I). So it's really difficult for me right now because I can't get there to be with him right now. And he's all alone and things are really bad. I'm going to explain a little now and I am really really sorry, I know this is all going to be heavy and really hard to hear, but.. I know I should talk about it.

Last week on Tuesday (9th May), I got a phone call from the lady who owns/looks after the retirement complex my dad lives at. She'd told me that my dad had had a bad fall and was in hospital, she couldn't get any information because shes not next of kin so she was letting me know so I could call them and find out what's going on. She'd told me he'd been not really being himself, repeating himself a lot and just generally having a slight personality change as well as some confusion and stuff. She also said he'd been complaining about having a sore shoulder and that he couldn't sleep very well, so she'd been trying to urge him to go to the doctor. But my dad being my dad, said "nah I'm fine, I don't need a doctor" because he's an idiot lol (I say that with love though).

So.. I call the hospital and they tell me he's there but I'm not next of kin. It's still down as my stepmum. Which means he's not seen a doctor in 9 years since she passed away. So the doctor said he'd have to ask my dad for permission to disclose information to me and call me back. A couple hours later, he calls me back, says my dad's given permission and I'm now changed as next of kin, great, fantastic. But then he goes on to tell me that they've done a CT scan and unfortunately, there is a mass in my dad's brain on the right side and this is what has caused his fall. He has left side weakness in his arm and leg and he can't stand or walk and he also had some visual disturbances in the left side also. So I immediately panic and start asking a bunch of questions that this doctor can't answer, he's not a neurosurgeon or anything but he tells me that the neuro doctors would be over to see him as soon as they can and that my dad would be admitted to hospital because it wouldn't be safe to allow him to go home especially if he's living alone, just incase he has another fall and really hurts himself. I agree with this and say that's probably the best course of action, keep him safe until we know more about this mass on his brain and can figure out how to keep him safe and what our options are.

I then get another call from the lady who looks after my dad's apartment complex. She tells me she's spoke to my dad's friend and neighbour... And apparently he lost the fucking feeling in his left arm A FUCKING MONTH AGO. And he didn't tell a soul. He didn't tell me or anyone at all, except his friend, who he swore to secrecy (his friend feels bad now and realises he should have said something, the guy had actually been trying to convince my dad to go to the doctor, but my dad kept refusing). We then find out he's had a couple smaller scale falls to which his friend has picked him up from and that he'd had to help him get dressed one day and do up his boots (my dad's a biker, he lives in bike boots, jeans and leather jackets, always has done lol). Then I'm told he's said he's selling his BIKE. Which is a very fucking big thing for my dad. He has a beautiful Harley Davidson, like.. this thing is his dream bike and he'd always said that. For as long as I can remember too, my dad's always had a bike. Even before I was born actually, since he was old enough to ride motorcycles he's always had one.

I ended up getting to speak to my dad and he was very confused and forgetful, but he was trying to hide it, I could tell right away. I asked him about all this and he said "Oh yeah.. yeah.. that happened" and I was just like why didnt you bloody say anything and he was just like "I just thought it'd go away, didn't think it was anything to worry about". But I think he did know, I think he was just scared. And you know what, in a way I don't blame him, because I'd be fucking terrified too if it were me and I was experiencing all of that. My dad's also from that generation of "if your arm isn't hanging off, you don't need a doctor" and I tried explaining to him that losing the feeling in your arm is a big fucking deal and needs to be seen to right away, no matter what. He agreed and apologised and I told him I wasn't mad at him, I was just worried because of what they'd found. He hadn't even remembered that, even though they'd just told him a couple hours before.

So he's admitted and they do more CT scans and an MRI, he gets sent up to a ward and he's just being his usual self, just a bit more confused and forgetful, which is fine, we can deal with that, I'm just glad hes okay and getting help at this point. We get told we may have to wait a couple days for the neurosurgeon to see him, because they have to discuss his case and look at all his scans and notes etc. So for a couple days it was just no change, my dad was in the hospital, he'd been given some steroid meds to help with swelling around the mass, it seemed to help a bit which was good. Friday last week (12th May), I got a call and it was a specialist brain tumour nurse and the neurosurgeon, as well as my dad there too. I should mention too that my dad kept telling me not to come down, to stay here cause he knew I was starting my new job and he wanted me to just get started with it and get going etc. So that's why I'm not there right now. But anyway.. so I'm on a call with all three of them while the neurosurgeon is assessing my dad, asking him to grab his hand and squeeze and do some other stuff and just like.. checking him over. He and the nurse asked lots of questions to both of us, getting basically all the information that they can. We get to a point where the specialist nurse was just asking me how I was coping and stuff while the doctor was doing some more physical things with my dad. They both kept me really in the loop about everything, telling me everything they were doing or looking at and just really making sure I was a part of it all too, which I was really grateful for.

Then came the bad news. Unfortunately, the tumour is quite large. It's in 4 different parts of his brain, his temporal and parietal lobes, his corpus callosum (which is in the middle of your brain) and his hippocampus (which is also quite deep in the brain). They also said it's looking to be either a grade 3 or grade 4 malignant tumour. Which means cancerous and rapid growing, the worst kind. We both got quite upset, me and my dad, and the nurse and doctor did their best to try and give us a minute. He just kept telling me he loved me and that he remembers us going through all this with my stepmum so we knew what would come. We then went on to discuss treatment etc. My dad consented to a biopsy and we would find out exactly what we were dealing with before we decided on a path of treatment. Whether that meant radiotherapy, chemotherapy, other cancer drugs, whatever. My dad and I both said we wanted to do whatever it took to make him well again and the surgeon and the nurse both agreed. My dad signed all the forms and they said they'd be in touch soon to let us know when the biopsy would be.

I'm sorry this is getting really long but.. there's just a lot to it. I really really am sorry and I know this is all heavy, I'm sorry if I'm upsetting you at all E, thats the last thing I want. I know you're sick too and I know you may not want to hear all this, so I really don't blame you if you can't read any more. Or even just don't want to. That's okay. I'll understand. Over the weekend, dad was fine. A little more forgetful, asking me about things he'd just asked or said 5 minutes before. I just told him gently that we'd already talked about it and reminded him and he eventually caught up with it. I had to do that a couple times but it was fine. I don't mind if I have to do that and remind him a lot, I just want him to get better. The lady from his apartment complex went to see him on Saturday and took him some books and other stuff I'd ordered on Amazon for him over to him and one of my uncles was down in York (which is a couple hours away from my dad in Nottingham) and popped down to see him on Sunday. He took him some things like clothes and essentials and he said my dad seemed in good spirits, which I was pleased about. We even got selfies and pictures of them all, which I was really happy with. I spoke to my dad on the phone (I actually had got him a new phone and just sent it down yesterday, because his phone is old and starting to break and I wanted to make sure he had a working phone) and we were talking away, absolutely fine. He got a little emotional at one point and was telling me I'm the centre of his world and that nothing else matters in the world but me and stuff and I got really upset, but I told him I'd come see him soon and I'd planned on coming down to be with him for a week or so, as long as my work approved me to do so (I work remotely, so I didn't see it being an issue but wanted to check first). He said that would be fine and he couldnt wait to see me and that he wanted to buy me a new leather jacket so I would look, and I quote, "cool as fuck just like him" lol. I said we'd see, we needed to get him better first. He said he was getting tired and I said to go rest, it was like 9pm anyway and he needed to sleep, I also had to get ready for starting work. We said we loved each other and I said I'd phone him in the morning again before I started work. That was the last time I spoke to him.

I'd tried calling him in the morning but he didn't answer. I figured he was maybe just still asleep or maybe getting ready or having breakfast. So I thought nothing of it and texted him at my break, just so he knew I was thinking of him. It got to lunch and I still hadn't heard anything. I checked WhatsApp and he had last been on at 22.45 the night before, I started wondering if maybe his phone was broke.. but then how could I still call it? So that's when I worried. I tried calling the ward he was on and no one answered me. I tried like 3 fucking times and got no answer, so I was panicking. Thankfully, by some coincidence, the neuro specialist nurse contacted me, she called me just as I got off from trying to ring the ward. She had wanted to call me because she had some news for me. My dad had unfortunately deteriorated overnight. He'd been very drowsy and sleepy yesterday morning, they could wake/rouse him but he wasn't as responsive as he was the day before. They bumped his steroid meds all the way back up (they'd started to wean him off them to see if they could find a good dose for him without giving him too much) and put him on anti-seizure medication. They haven't confirmed that he's had a seizure but this is a worry. They have also done another CT of his head and they are concerned that the tumour has grown. They said they can't tell if it's just swelling or if it's tumour growth. Hearing all of this I was fucking devastated. After talking to him the night before and being all.. you know kind of normal.. to this. So now, we are in a bit of limbo at the moment, all we can do is watch and wait to see what happens. There is no guarantee any of this is reversible too. So we just have to wait and see.. the biopsy and talks of treatment etc is all on hold until we see what happens here and if he responds to the meds he's been put on. I've still had no update from that at 1pm yesterday and it's now 7am the next morning. So I'm going to be calling them before I start work at 9am, try and see how he is, if he's awake or still sleepy. They said he's in a semi concious state, in and out of sleep a lot. And not staying awake for very long when he is awake.

I'm fucking terrified, E. I'm so scared. I don't want to lose my dad. I don't have any siblings on my dads side, both his parents are gone, his wife is gone. Yes, he has his brothers (my uncles) and my cousin's but.. they've never been close. I'm all he has and I feel terrible about not being down there. But I'm going down on Friday as soon as I finish work. One of my friends and her partner are gonna drive me down there, which I'm so so fucking thankful for. I spoke to my job and they're absolutely fine with me working from down there and completely understand the circumstances. I felt terrible telling them all of this on my first day, but they've been really supportive so far honestly. I'm truly grateful.

So the next couple of days is going to be filled with working, packing to go down and trying to check on dad and hoping the medication works and he comes around a bit more. I'm really trying to remain positive and hope for the best, hope that maybe I'll get there and he'll hear my voice and know it's me and maybe that will help. And even if he's not concious or able to really communicate with me, I'm still going to be there and talk to him and stuff, because there's nothing to say he can't still hear me and wouldn't still be comforted to know I'm there. I just... I really fucking need a hug right now. And I kind of wish you were here to give me that hug. Maybe even let me have a good cry while you hug me. If that'd be okay.

I read your post, of course. I'm glad you're back home and that you're settled in. Your cat.. sounds amazing. She sounds so cute and playful and I really really love the sound of her. I bet she is absolutely adorable too. I miss having cats honestly. And I'm really glad your cat has been helping you feel better, even if it's only in her little small way. I bet I would love her, I really do. Whatever these ideas are that you have for being creative? I say go for it. You'll do amazing at anything, I just know you will, because it's you and you are amazing. You can really do anything if you put your mind to it, E. I really believe that. You are talented and creative and smart and I really think you could do it. So I say go for it. What's the worst that could happen? Yeah it might not be an instant money maker, but you never know.. in time it could become something that you really enjoy and make a great career out of. Who knows? You can always try, my love.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed your gig and that you did well. That's amazing that someone said that to you but you know what? I'm not surprised, because you absolutely are that talented and that amazing at playing. You always have been. And yeah I might be slightly biased but.. even if I wasn't, I'd say the same thing. And you even have someone else saying it, a complete stranger too. So believe it, because you are great. I know what it's like though, I struggle with taking compliments myself so I totally get it. I'm really glad that I can help, even if it is just through our letters to each other from afar. I really am glad that my words can give you some peace and can have some kind of positive affect on you. Honestly, that's all I want. I want to help, even if only in a small way. I'll be honest, right now? I just wish I could curl up with you and just.. kinda be. If that makes sense.

This post is huge. I'm so so sorry. I just.. wanted to explain everything since I'm kinda really going through it right now. I start work in a couple hours, so I'm gonna try and have some breakfast, make a coffee, call the hospital and check on dad. I may even go outside a bit, because it's getting warmer here now too and I really like it. It was 18c the other day and honestly it was glorious. I know that might not seem hot, but that's like.. my perfect temperature. And the sky was really pretty at sunset that night too. I really really hope this post wasn't all too much. And I really really hope to hear from you soon. I've missed you. A lot. And I could really use some support myself right now. I really can't wait to hear from you again. And hopefully I'll have some good news for you next time.

I'm so sorry everything was so negative this time around. I hope you're doing well and that you're feeling better, I really really do.. because I care about you too. And I think about you all the time. I even had a very lovely dream about you a couple weeks ago.. I remember waking up and being really happy, but being sad cause I wanted to go back.. you'd have liked it there too.

I'll talk to you soon, E. I'm sending you lots of love. As always.

N x

"How the faces of love have changed turning the pages

And I have changed oh, but you, you remain ageless"

[queen-mihai]

Valid/invalid might as well be the place for me to insert a part of my world view for everyone to see, because I think it's important.

Humanity, nature, our world, our *universe* does not operate on any kind of binary. Ever. Ever ever.

Human logic, and really only in the past few decades, is the only thing that operates like that.

I have a pet theory, that I won't get into right now, which says basically that recent changes in human logic stem from the binary logic with which we program our computers.

Computers do not NEED to operate on binary logic either though.

IT'S JUST THE EASIEST

But if computers run on a simple on/off logic; wouldn't it be easier if nature was like that too?

You're either human or animal. Natural or synthetic. Gay or straight. Man or woman. Either You're black lives matter or all lives matter. Either the government should be bigger or smaller. All this nuance stuff can go right out the window and any semblance of real logic go out right with it.

One of my major missions in life is to help reintroduce nuance back into the world. One of the hardest things I've ever had to face is trying to tell someone that their argument isn't wrong, but they're missing pretty much all of the pertinent issues.

Yes, your feelings or arguments or opinions are valid. But the conversation CAN'T stop there. All that means is that you're allowed to feel however you want to feel both before and after you've received every piece of relevant information

Does that mean the other person in the conversation is automatically right? If you're asking that question then you already haven't been listening. *It's not that simple!*

If you feel that someone you love is invalidating your opinion, one of the first things to ask is "have they done this before?"

If it's part of a cycle of abuse then you should already be arriving at a set of answers with options ranging from "stand your ground" to "find the nearest exit"

If it's a completely new thing, it may be worth exploring the circumstances, which is almost pound for pound EXACTLY what therapy is for. If you're not even sure what's going on, then you're entering the realm of maybe needing to go into mediation or some form of deep thought so you can explore your feelings before you take any rash actions. Yes, they're being invalidating. Yes that's not fair. Yes your feelings are valid. But once your feelings are valid and their feelings are valid there's still in all likelihood *an issue to be resolved*

Now since I'm me, and I HATE leaving things in the abstract, I'm gonna leave you with an example:

You've just been sick. You had to take an entire week from work during a busy season. You've still got your job and your boss is OK but you really want to put in 100% on your first day back next week. Like you're coming in early and staying late because you take your job seriously and want to show your appreciation for them not bothering you during your time off.

Slight wrinkle though, your parents/guardians/childhood caretaker(s) just called and said they're flying into town on what's supposed to be your first day back to work. They've already booked non-refundable tickets and they're asking if you or your partner can pick them up from the airport.

If this were any other time you'd take the day off and show them around. But this time you ask your partner to do it so you can do your best at work.

Your partner says they don't like picking up your parents and they view you going to work as "trying to punish them" and "Force them to interact" after some imagined slight that happened in the past.

Now it's obvious that your partner here is being invalidating. You have already explained that you feel the need to go back to work and they should respect that.

Even if you both agree, it can still end up being a problem. Let's say they end up respecting your desire to go back to work, and you respect their lack of desire to go to the airport. Everybody's valid. Everybody's entitled to their opinion. Problem though, how are your caregivers getting to you from the airport?

Respecting each others opinions is only half the battle. We've still gotta find solutions to concrete problems and it's not gonna be as simple as "this or that"

Really fucked up actually that the "you are valid" culture which, usefulness and uh, validity thereof aside, was intended to provide some some perspective for people who may have been blamed for harmless things they could not control morphed into "if strangers on the internet do not constantly tell me I'm good and perfect they are the oppressor" and "even constructively and gently telling me that I hold some power and responsibility to seek a better situation is an unspeakably cruel act."

[cesium-sheep]

chapter 12 is a mixed bag.

it starts with a somewhat solid section about mental health, with a minor degree of potentially toxic positivity and an assumption of significant emotional labor on the patient's part, but also support of boundaries, self-care, and pruning shitty unsupportive relationships. although I personally believe that holding people to account that were just doing their best as they were taught and failing hundreds of people along the way is entirely reasonable and healthy and will not be "letting go" thank you.

the short section on preparedness (as a balm for anxiety) also seems pretty solid, although the travel subsection only discusses air travel.

the trigger assessment list is kinda mixed, with stuff like "is it unaesthetically pleasing?" and a lot of "consider more natural options" but for people who are not used to doing systemic or hunt-and-eliminate searches for triggers I imagine it may be helpful.

obviously the section on detoxification is stupid. the section on exercise is pretty solid though, and strongly encourages holding off until after a stable baseline is established and setting goals in relation to where the patient is already at with intentional accommodation for bad days, although a couple of the quacks do briefly poke their heads in. (even the bit about yoga is quite even-handed!) it's interesting to me that the recommended example breathing exercise is a 3 count cycle instead of the absolutely nuts fucking 8 count I was taught that I hate and just makes me feel worse instantly even though I've got singer lungs. (both of these are in-hold-out for x count. personally I prefer an in-out 4 count that's counted to my heart rate.)

the quackery gets more obvious in the "neuropsychological treatment options" section when it's suggested that oh mcas might actually be due to a trauma association with the trigger no shut up fuck you. there's some dumb shit in the mindset section too, like that's a surprise.

the emotional healing exercises section on the other hand is like. remarkably good? god knows most people fuck up those types of recommendations, but honestly she does a really good job with a wide net for what counts as self care and an awareness of the barriers in place especially for sick folks. even the mindfulness suggestions are not just not irritating but sometimes actively good. there's a very strong emphasis when talking about outreach that if it's adding to stress or burdens it's a bad choice and you gotta loop back to the self care part. and then we get the joy vs happiness ennobling through suffering wankery right after of course.

also interesting that apparently the woo-woo naturopaths define grounding entirely differently from the field of psychology. she means literally touching the physical earth ground. (which, to be fair, is also quite grounding in the more common sense as well. altho of course that's not why it's being suggested. it's some more bullshit about emfs. with one study cited saying it was connected to improvements in aging lmao)

the rest of it is fine, good that financial and accessibility considerations are addressed directly as well as the other times they've been mentioned/acknowledged. although it does feel a little dodgy how often she hammers on about not wrapping up your whole identity in the disease. like, getting a little "person with a disability" there babe. indicates a strong disconnect with the disabled community yknow. we do love to see that the "fantastic blog resource that discusses the connection between autism spectrum disorders and mcas" is now a dead link tho. rest in pieces I bet you were allistic anyway. (that's why I even checked, cuz. yknow. have yet to see an autistic person acknowledged as a human with thoughts yet.)

so, a chapter that takes some significant pruning, but overall still Actually Useful. and now it's done and I can put it away for the move.

(also apparently she was working on this book for 2 years, which. it's a big dense book with a lot of research but like, you'd think maybe it would be more cohesive or refined? maybe properly editing would've taken a third year.)

[axailslink]

HI I LOVE YOUR WRITING COULD YOU WRITE (if you have the ideas, the time and are comfortable with) SHURI X READER but reader is on her period but she gets super bad cramps on the first day? anyways like a fluffy comfort one shot? keep up the great work!! <3

Let Me Help

Shuri x FEM reader

Summary: The pain of period cramps will forever strike you worst than any punch to the stomach. Shuri offers help.

Your head lays on the cold glass lab table as you hold on your stomach and whisper curses "Bast's sake please stop hurting just for a bit I have to work...just for a bit" the sharp pains continues to rattle about in your lower stomach as you gently grab at the table. Shuri takes notice of this and walks over to the table and leans down to your height "you should go home" you turn and look at her "no I have work to do and if I don't do it who will?" You can see her eyes prancing back and forth with thought before she answers "I will I'll take over you just go home there's no way you can work in pain you've already had like three pain pills." You look at her confused for a moment "you counting the pills I take?" She pauses for a moment realizing how weird that might have sounded "just looking out for you but I promise I got it from here let me take you home you should try and get some sleep instead" even with Shuri's persistent gaze you shake your head no "I can't I can't put all my work on you princess I hate leaving a mess for others to clean I can do it." Shuri finally has had enough of convincing before she comes face to face with you "how much work have you done in the past hour?" You stumble to find the words "I've uhm..." Scared she might be a little disappointed in you you stray from your answer and nod "I'll go home yeah I'll go home" she nods "c'mon" she gently pulls you up and you're stuck in place when she wraps her arm around your waist her grip strong but gentle at the same time. "Oh you don't have to come I mean my house is a mess and I can walk my legs work perfectly just like my mouth and eyes and uhm..." You realize you're rambling and stare at her which she returns before smiling flashing you with that pretty smile of hers.

"I want to help, you really don't look all too well. Your face is flushed and you're annoyed let me help please. Plus I'm sure I know some things we could try to calm those cramps down." I know some things I'd like to try oh goodness the hormones are everywhere right now they've got you thinking things you shouldn't be thinking at all. "I really can handle my own princess" Shuri groans and lets you go as soon as her hand leaves your side you groan as the feeling of nervousness leaves you and is replaced with the piercing. You wish you could tell her to put it back where it was but you smile at her and leave the lab as quickly as possible. It's got to be the hormones making you act like this making you feral or are you finally realizing how she makes you feel?

.

You sit in bed practically dying with the pain as it shoots through your lower abdomen, back and somehow your ass it's like God personally came down to punish you and it doesn't help that your breasts are sore. you've been sleeping for the last two hours and now that you've woken up it's like immediate pain back to back the heating pad is not doing its job and you feel so nauseous yeah this has to be some sick punishment. you had already thrown up once but you were sure if you moved too fast it could surely happen again so you just sat unmoving in the middle of the bed as if moving an inch could provoke the cramps. The sudden sounds of knocking on the door have you groaning whoever it was could come back at a later time because this was definitely not the best time. "Go away!" you shout as you hold your stomach the knocks continue and you mumble curses to yourself as you slowly and carefully get up you waddle to the door and yank it open "what do you want?" you immediately want to swallow your words as you see princess Shui standing with a bag in hand "oh princess?" she smiles awkwardly and motions her head towards the door "can I come in? I just got done with my work for the day and yours we managed to find out who tried to steal the vibranium and uhm... I'm rambling I must get that from you y/n" she chuckles as you stare at her then the bag she has in hand. "Can I come in? you never gave an answer" you nod and step away from the door so that she can enter before closing and locking the door you waddle up the stairs and back into your room as you hold your stomach you can't help but hear Shuri snickering to herself and it interests you. "what's so funny" Shuri covers her face "excuse my language but you're walking like you have something up your ass" you look back at her as your hand finds your hip "quite the opposite princess I have something up my pussy if you don't have anything that can help please stop bothering me." She places her hand on her chest and laughs "so hostile luckily for you beautiful I got a lot of things" you smile at her words not being able to keep your happiness at bay "beautiful?" she nods "yeah beautiful do you have a problem with me telling you the truth?" you approach your bed and say nothing she places the bag by your leg and starts to pull out containers and more "you about to experiment on me or something?" she laughs and glances at you "no but if you'd like me to I wouldn't mind." Is she flirting with you? The princess of Wakanda is surely flirting with you or you should definitely clean your ears and thoughts you have to be looking way too much into what she is saying. "Most reasons for very bad cramps are bad eating habits on your cycle you're really picky you eat nothing but dollar store ramen and snacks-" "you know my eating habits?" Shuri smiles at you as she hands you a container of cut-up watermelon, strawberries, and whole raspberries "yes I do you're picky it's kind of hard not to notice. I got some chamomile tea warm beverages help me so maybe it'll help you there is one more thing but I need your consent." you glance her up and down suspiciously "a massage I usually get mines professionally done but I don't like the thought of some stranger touching my friend" you nod slowly before putting two and two together "oh you want to do it?" she nods "nothing inappropriate just some gentle massaging." The thought of her long slender fingers rubbing down your frame fills your mind with too many dirt thoughts to count but you reply as your usual flirty self "you tryna find a reason to feel me up?" she laughs and grabs your hand "no if I wanted to feel you up all I would have to do is ask the smell of the oils might help your body relax is all or you could do it the old fashioned way." you look at her with a facial expression full of curiosity "have an orgasm I hear it works best" you shake your head and roll your eyes sometimes her childish side comes out it's like a jumpscare honestly.

you, of course, agree to the massage I mean c'mon who would say no to this? No one so here you are laying on your stomach sweats pulled just below your waist bra tossed somewhere else on the bed. "you're tense am I making you nervous?" you shake your head no "no it's fine just never thought I'd be in this predicament" she laughs as she sits beside you on the bed "hey love pick a scent lavender or peppermint" you're so glad she can't see your face right now because you're smiling so widely to yourself "love" goodness gracious she is being too nice today. "Peppermint just get this over with I want to sleep" more like get this over with you talking to me is making me panic and I'm trying to restrain myself from kissing you. you feel her hands slide up your back slowly causing shivers to travel down your spine her hands feel like heaven as she gently massages your shoulders down to your back and onto your waist her hands linger for a moment. "Shuri Bast's sake your hands feel amazing" she continues "you should be eating that fruit" she points out and you huff "you can't just let me enjoy myself?" she smiles and you swear you feel her kiss the middle of your back "you haven't said anything about cramping in a minute I'm guessing this is working?" you honestly hadn't thought about the cramps because you were way too worried about Shuri's hands on your lower back. "you make me forget everything I don't know anyone else who takes the time out of their day to come and help ease my cramps you're a God send honestly. I'm grateful for you," you sit up and come face to face with her not worrying about being topless or about your bloated tummy. "your shirt I could grab that for y-" you stop her panicked speaking by grabbing her face and gently pressing your lips to hers "don't worry about it thank you I am so blind of course I would find out you're attracted me on the one week I can't express just how attracted I am to you." Shuri smiles and grabs your hand from her face gently caressing it "that's cocky" you nod "maybe but I can tell I'm not wrong.

A/n: This got a bit long...I do but I hope this works up to your request I happened to make Shuri and reader friends to lovers wasn't going to but that's just the way it ended. This is unedited don't have time for that work takes up most of that time. If this did not meet your needs I will gladly rewrite it at a later date.

[forgetmynamepleasethanks]

Hey I'm feeling a bit down so could I request a fic where Kris has been bullying the player whenever they rip them out and one night they wake up and see the player curled up on the floor looking miserable so they get up and sit down next to them and the player starts crying and apologizing for ruining Kris's life, that's when Kris realizes that they've been verbally abusing a depressed person who is their age and start to feel bad, maybe end it with Kris apologizing and they become friends.

I'm not sure if I liked how this turned out but here it is, I hope you enjoy.

-----

Midnight once again. Kris has been in REM sleep for a few hours now so they shouldn't notice you slipping away. Late at night is the one opportunity you get to think about your 'life'.

Well, their life, it's not yours in the slightest. They've made that very clear. When you came into existence you weren't expecting Kris to hate you with such ferocity. You tried reasoning with them but that lead to more difficulty than it solved, everything you tried seemed to lead back to a dead end.

Kris wanted you gone, and there was nothing you could do about it.

Kris twitched, their body convulsing softly before an object was quickly removed from their chest. The object seemed to drag a ghostly imprint of a person behind it, easier to see than a ghost but by no means a true 'body'. Kris hardly noticed it was missing, they just rolled back under their pillow and continued their peace.

The ghostly figure, or as it's commonly called... You... walked as far as they could from Kris before a red string protruded from Kris into them halting their progress. With this, they sat down. They sat cross-legged staring blankly into their hand. They watched as its translucent figure occasionally flickered out of existence reminding them of its nonreality. The soft glow from their soul, the only true link they had to the real world, has been getting softer. Every time Kris tears them from their chest they grow dimmer. Physically of course, but also mentally.

You might expect Kris to be a kind or at least neutral person. That assumption would be dead wrong. Kris, in a metaphorical sense, was a monster to you.

When Kris learned that you could talk, and could hear them when you weren't in control they wanted to get you back for your petty adventures.

"You... creature. I have no words to describe how pathetic you are."

Kris stood hunched over waving a knife at you, keeping you away from them as they berated you. "It makes me sick that I let someone as weak as you ruin my life."

Your glowing red soul, the only semblance of a being you had at the time, flickered as you backed away from the blade Kris was too nonchalantly waving in front of you.

"I just wanted to be someo-"

"Shut Up. You're nothing, the moment you leave you'll be forgotten. You've done such a pathetic job of hurting me that it's practically nothing."

You tried to argue back, you wanted to explain that you just wanted to see them happy. You had tried your best to be a good person. You had made friends, you had saved everyone, you had resisted the urge to reduce everything to ruin. Which for some reason followed you everywhere, but Kris didn't care about what you had to say.

That was the formula that every interaction between you followed, whether it was in Kris' room, or at any point where you were alone. When you were able to create your, failed, ruined vessel to give them something to look at they started insulting your appearance too.

Whether it was calling you too fat or too thin, repulsive, or just plain bad, you tried to take it all on the chin. Unfortunately, even you, a multidimensional being of almost unparalleled control over time, have a breaking point.

That leads to nights like tonight. You sit on the floor facing away from Kris thinking about what you could have done to make them like you.

What did you do wrong?

You did everything right. You spared everyone, you talked to everyone, and you befriended everyone. You even managed to fix your friendship Kris' friendship with Noelle instead of the alternative.

Your eyes welled up with tears, it wasn't uncommon for you to cry, you're human after all, well not according to Kris.

In only a few days, Kris had managed to make you fully believe that everything was your fault. You ruined their life. You took everything from them. What a sad creature you are.

"Why are you here?"

Your head snapped to look at Kris, they were sitting up in bed looking at you. You sniffled, you knew what was coming next, but you couldn't handle it right now. Instead of waiting for Kris to start the usual routine, your brain decided to just break down now. I guess skipping right to the bad part was faster.

You sniffled, the water pooling in your eyes was getting dangerously close to spilling over.

"I'm sorry."

You turned your head back to look at your palm, you couldn't even look at them.

"Huh?"

"I'm so sorry for everything."

"It's a bit late to say that now."

"I wish I could go back and... disappear? I wish I could stop living your life for you, I don't want to ruin it any more." You had started shaking, you hugged your half existent legs to your chest. Tears rolled down your face.

Kris stood up and sat down next to you, what was up with you today? You had never been like this before. They didn't know what to say, for some reason seeing you so... vulnerable finally made them finally realize that you're a person.

This didn't seem like the behavior of an unfeeling, uncaring monster who only existed to take their place. It seemed like the behavior of someone like Kris. Someone young and confused, they don't know who they are, they're scared and trying their best.

Maybe everything Kris was saying wasn't... justified.

After a long pause, Kris spoke.

"I didn't mean what I said. Most of it at least."

"..."

"Listen... you aren't ruining my life. I was just scared that after you left everyone would hate the real me."

Kris poked your arm, it flickered but it was solid. Kris poked you again, this time not to elicit a reaction but to test something. They instantly dropped the conversation topic to tell you their discovery.

"I'm moving on my own."

You looked up to see Kris moving their fingers in front of their face. You mimicked what they were doing.

"Don't you feel empty?"

Kris inspected their chest, all there was to see was a red string leading from their still intact soul to your spine. You two were moving on your own and both living. Of course, you couldn't touch anything, the physical world was still locked away from you, but this was still monumental.

"Hey... if you want to stick around... I wouldn't be opposed to the idea."

You thought about what Kris had said, it felt so weird to hear them say that they didn't want you to leave. It seemed that the endless bickering between you and Kris was all thanks to the suffocating inability to move. It seemed that just being able to move changed their outlook on you greatly.

"Yeah... I'd like that"

Was this a permanent solution to your problem? No. Who knows how long it would be until Kris once again decides they've had enough of you. You still had one question though.

"Kris? You don't actually hate me right?"

"I just hated being stuck. Being unable to move feels like suffocating forever, like I'm trying to surface for air but the water is rising faster than I can swim."

You pondered Kris' words. You would have plenty of time to talk in the future. After that, you two called it a night.

You two would get to know each other tomorrow, tonight had been eventful enough.

[starstruckpurpledragon]

Some stores will have a fancy fake mattress hooked up to a computer that you can lay on to test what kind of mattress will be right for you. It's not gonna be perfect, but odds are it will do a good job pointing you in the right direction of what type of mattress you want. Then go lay on the mattresses on display that fit that type. Lay for several minutes, get a good feel for it, ignore the voice in the back of your head that feels ridiculous for laying on the mattress in front of the entire store. Your fine. They've got pillows out and pillow cover sheets out for exactly this reason.

Are you a side sleeper? Make sure that's how you lay on the mattress while testing it out. Back sleeper? Front sleeper? Lay on the floor display mattresses exactly like you would going to sleep.

If you can afford to get a cheap - or free, some places will do free with certain mattress sales - adjustable base, I highly recommend doing so. They're great for back pain, for snoring or otherwise having difficulty breathing at night, for propping you up when you're sick, for reading, watching tv, snuggling with your pet(s), propping your leg(s) up when it hurts, having under bed lighting to turn on when you need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night... and sometimes even the cheap ones will have a vibrate function that will make your pets think the bed has been possessed by a demon. (Never has my dog jumped off the bed so fast as when I first tested that out. She's used to it now, but if she knew what making the sign of the cross was for she'd have done so towards the bed that first time and barked about foul fiends getting behind her.)

Another good idea is to read up on different types of mattresses before you head to the store. If you know what kind of mattress you've already got is and what the problems you have with it are, you can usually determine ahead of time whether you want to switch to a different mattress type or not. I knew going in the last time I went mattress hunting that I wanted a hybrid and the funky machine that tests what kind of mattress would be best for you agreed with me on that point. Between the mattress I got and sleeping at a slight incline thanks the to the super cheap adjustable base I got on sale not too long after, my back pain is pretty much all gone. (Take that scoliosis.)

That said, if you go with a regular base, consider how tall your bedframe is before buying a new boxspring. A frame that already sits tall might go better with a four inch boxspring than an average sized one so that it doesn't give too much extra height to the mattress on top of it. But if you have a frame that's low to the ground, you might get a slightly taller than average boxspring so that you can sit down on the bed without falling six inches in the process. It's a lot of measuring to do beforehand but it's worth it. But make sure you actually need a new boxspring before buying one - you'll be covering that new mattress in a protector and fitted sheet most likely, does it really need to be matchy matchy with a boxspring if you've already got a serviceable one?

And if you do go with an adjustable base, some bed frames can be converted to work with an adjustable base. Others very much cannot. Make sure you know which it is first so that you aren't disappointed upon realizing that the motorized components underneath mean there's no space for the frame's built in drawers. (I was lucky my frame needed very little adjustment to allow the adjustable base to sit comfortable inside it; not having built in drawers was a good choice.)

adults of tumblr how on earth do you decide on what mattress you want to order

[jimalim]

Hi!! Here's a leatin prompt: the girls setting them up to be on a date without knowing they've been dating for a while already

Or one with the "when we're 30 and single, let's marry each other"

(ps, i love your fics!!)

Hey! Thank you so much! I'm so happy you enjoy my fics! Thanks for the prompt, this one's a little short so I'm just gonna post under the cut here (will add to ao3 after)

“So much for girl’s night out. Martha just canceled too.” She was the last of their group to contact the pair with some last-minute excuse explaining their absence from their weekly hang.

They typically stay in, gathering at one of the girl’s apartments, cramming all together in the small living room watching movies and goofing off. This week they had plans to grab dinner out before heading in to drink and gossip. Except Fatin and Leah are the only ones who actually showed up tonight.

Sitting by themselves at a table they booked for eight certainly drew the eyes of patrons around them. When Leah announces last holdout, Martha had called in sick, Fatin starts laughing.

“You know what this is right?”

Leah scrolls through the messages on her phone, double and triple checking that each one of them had messaged in one form or another that they’d be unable to attend dinner. “Our friends being flakes?”

Fatin scoots closer to Leah in the oversized booth. “No, it’s a set up.”

Leah’s eyes remained focused on her phone, once again going over the group chat and checking their friends’ locations. “For what?”

Fatin reaches out and takes the phone from Leah’s hand, Leah looks up. “Leah, please, use that big, beautiful brain for one second.”

The way Fatin eyes her as she speaks, the suggestive tilt of her eyebrow, the cocky grin on her face…It dawns on Leah instantly and she feels silly for not seeing it sooner. “Shelby was acting pretty strange when she suggested we go somewhere for a change.”

Fatin leans back against the seat and crosses her arms. “Yea, in hindsight her bubbliness was a little more manic than usual. And that explains the elbow to the ribs Toni go when she groaned at the idea.”

There’s a silence for a moment. Both girls sitting awkwardly at a table much too big for just the two of them. Leah is the first to speak, releasing the tension between them. “So do this mean they know?”

It had been nearly eight weeks since Leah and Fatin went on their first date. Secretly hanging out and hooking up behind their friends’ backs. They weren’t exactly dating, but they also kinda were. They never labeled it, but agreed it was best they kept whatever it was between the two of them (for now.) So far they’d done a decent job keeping their private life just that. Truth be told, it was fairly easy considering how not much about their daily lives changed. They were always spending time together before, often spending the night in each other’s rooms, engaging in friendly PDA often. Unless the others became privy to the things that happened behind closed doors, no one should’ve known.

Fatin mulls over the thought with a quiet hum. She leans forward, elbows on the table. “Could be, that or they genuinely think they are setting us up.”

“I’m not sure which is worse.” Leah’s nerves begin to creep up her spine. So far, everything between her and Fatin had been very casual. No pressure. And though she may long for more, she was fine with that. Afraid that if the thought of them becoming serious was brought up, Fatin might reject her. So she tried her best to go with the flow. But this wave could knock her out.

“On one hand they think we’d make a great couple and are trying to get us to see that,” Fatin gestures, “or on the other, they know we know that already.”

Fatin’s word choice rings in Leah’s ears. Couple. Does she dare tempt fate and test the waters? She thinks it over a moment before sucking in a deep breath, ready to take the plunge. “Oh, a couple? Is that right?” She desperately tries to keep her hand from picking at her eyebrow, slipping them under her thighs as she kicks her feet under the table.

“Well, I mean yeah…” Fatin confirms, she voice trembles the slightest as she asks for Leah’s confirmation in turn, “are we not?”

“No! No, I mean yes-ugh let me restart.” Fumbling over her words, Leah’s face lights up bright red. Her leg begins to shake and the intense fluttering in her stomach rages as she awkwardly tries to reset. She moves to sit a little bit closer. “I wasn’t sure if we were like, official yet.”

Fatin closes the remaining distance between them and places a gentle hand on Leah’s knee. “I’d like to be-” she pauses to scan Leah’s face for a reaction, “that is if you’re interested.”

A grin slowly grows across Leah’s face and her fading cheeks begin to reflush. She licks her lips and notices the way Fatin watches close. She trails her over Fatin’s and threads their fingers together. A tight squeeze. “I’d love nothing more.”

An equally bright grin appears on Fatin’s face and she lightly laughs with a giddy excitement. Instead of leaning in for a kiss right away, Fatin stops herself to ask, “does this mean we should tell the others?”

Leah gets her kiss before answering, “after our date.”