#i feel so fucking old just typing that
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gydima · 4 months ago
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We got an unexpected bonus at work today, so I just ordered a "rebounder" (it's a fucking mini trampoline, c'mon). This is gonna be me soon!
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edwinisms · 4 months ago
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i get such a sense of primal envy when looking at edwin’s clothes up close because god you can just tell his coat is real wool and made to last and not cheap flimsy mass produced garbage and auggagghhhh that was just STANDARD in his time. by no means am i saying i was #borninthewronggeneration because i like having vaccines and household appliances but. man. to have a personally-tailored coat like that that’d last for years and years……. and fabrics of fine thread-dense quality………. if only
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bucket-puns · 2 months ago
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Ishmael death stranding au stuff I was cooking. Also a faust kromer and Before team Ishmael doodle.
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giddlygoat · 3 months ago
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fiddleford is so sexy when he does silly things. bangin out the tunes on the banjo. hamboning and knee-slapping. his goofy hillbilly laughter. nervous stims as he excitedly explains something. bro i feel insane whenever i see him because the silliest little details are just so. waugh
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triglycercule · 3 months ago
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murder time trio should get to all experiment with dead bodies. why? because they can and it would be cool (okay but seriously i'll provide an explanation). all these freaks are scientists. i think it would be cool and funky if they all got to experiment! except morbidly and bloodily because none of them are right in the head now
killer like has his whole thing with wanting SOULs for some unspecified reason??? i'm just gonna steal the common interpretation that it's so he can find a way to fix his own soul through coding. but like,,,, what does he do with the desd bodies??? all the fellas he stole those souls from??? well this is where dust and horror come in
it's One Panel and i'm ABSOLUTELY reaching here but there's a (single) panel in horrortale where horror's pulling apart some sort of human limb like an arm with a device. why? what for? i dont fucking know at all man like papyrus said why is he always doing something weird in his room. anyways i'm just gonna guess its probably for rationing in horrortale (but it could also be that horror just felt like ripping apart an arm. for scientific purposes. or because he did this after ripping off aliza's arm so maybe he's doing some sort of recollection reflection or something i dunno im not a professional on this man). killer could totally send all the already dead HUMAN bodies horror's way for horrortale's food situation. maybe horror likes to dissect the humans yk maybe he's not just the type of bash (a head open) and dash. monsters dust so you cant see their guts but humans dont so horror gets prime time first hand experience on the human body! and then after he's done poking around in the brain he can give the meat and organs to papyrus for him to do his specific spaghetti confectionery
but but but what about the monsters that killer takes the souls from! surely he doesn't just take from only humans (dude idk if he actually does take from only human or monster. probably not right? he needs to study BOTH types of code so he can be most informed) so he must also take monster souls. and fortunately for dust (i do NOT think he'd quite like handling gore) monsters don't leave behind bodies or blood or allat they leave behind dust. hah. dust experiment with dust. i think its already a headcanon out there that dust likes to study dust. i cant exactly recall WHY exactly but maybe it's for sentimental reasons or just something to do to pass time between resets. so killer can just pass on whatever dust he gets to him and he can put it under his little microscope and be a little nerd what a GEEK. give this guy glasses and remove all his teeth but one i guarantee you he'll look like 🤓
and once again i hear you cry out but but triglycercule! why would killer even give the dead bodies and stuff to horror and dust in the first place??? erm number one because i said so silly. jk. and number two (if we're going in a nightmare's gang context here) it could be as a way for killer to gain horror and dust's trust. a way for them not to tattle on him for stealing souls for some unknown reason. maybe there's somehow important coding information left behind in the bodies/dust (because that's literally what utmv is made of) and killer wants dust and horror to do that work for him for some reason. maybe just a way for him to get rid of evidence maybe if theyre buddy pals and close enough just as a gift. i dunno man there's a bunch of reasons as to why he could possibly do this. i just really liked the thought of the trio all wearing fancy lab coats and goggles and i was like damn how can i make this a real possibility
#you can really sense the i dont know what the fuck i'm talking about energy in this one#all i had was a SINGLE!!! just ONE vision and there was straws for me to grasp so i fucking CLASPED those straws man. i'm totally reaching#listen when you gotta make do you gotta make do. the idea's cool and funky though i really like the vision#is the utmv code based or is it creativity based. which one#does the utmv look like a bunch of files or does it look like the doodlesphere. is it a concept or code???#i think that it's up to personal interpretation. it could also be both#i love the different possibilities that could be made based on the different code vs concept utmvs#with code you have possibilities like changing the files and breaking the game and stuff like that (error and killer etc)#BUT ALSO with creativity and concepts you can come up with characters just by saying oh i drew them or something like that (ink)#it just depends on the vibe you're going for i guess. darker stories sometimes have more associations with code#i like to think they both coexist but also are different#there are sections of the utmv that are purely coded like the antivoid and then section purely creativity based like the doodlesphere#and then there are worlds that have both like the code makes up the concept. or the concept makes up the code. either one#goddamn it everything just leads back to error and ink's digital vs traditional motifs AGAIN. i'm back at the fucking building AGAIN!!!!!#those two and their sick ass motifs can every elude me i feel like concepts in the utmv always have something to do with them#heh.... just shows how cool error and ink both are...... theres a reason theyre creativity and destruction (coolness factor)#hey hold on! this doesn't have anything to do with the murder time trio! triglycercule GET BACK IN YOUR NICHE!!!!!!!!!#looking back at my old posts to my new ones and i can see what lingo and typing styles i've faded out over time is so fun#or maybe i'm just the exact same and i havent change styles at all and i'm hallucinating and need to be put down#first day school is upsetting (as usual) so i need to think and post about the mtt to feel better#my favorite coping mechanism is thinking about murderous little creepypasta versions of a fictional guy from undertale#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#bad sanses#bad sans gang#utmv#god i have NOT used tricule hc in a while........ i really should more#tricule hc
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girlivealwaysbean · 2 months ago
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mann im going to get my blood reports tomorrow and im lwk scared
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simcardiac-arrested · 2 years ago
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unleashes the horrors upon you (the horrors are my gay little ocs)
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syrenki · 3 months ago
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post depressive episode clarity like what the fuck do you mean they'll never disappear, just fade.
#mine#tw: sh#i'll be a 30yo woman a 40yo woman a 50yo woman a 60yo woman and someday an old woman with SCARS ON MY ENTIRE LEGS?? like forever????#and i KNOW i broke through enough skin layers for these to never heal entirely like catscratches do#forever? for real? like the rest of my days? i'm never gonna have a healthy clean body like everyone else ever again?#it's THAT easy to just throw it away forever in a second?#i'm gonna be sick#what the fuck man#like both shoulders both thighs both calves entirely ruined#what the actual. fuck.#FUCK.#the awful part of the last year is over thank god#it was an episode lasting from like idk january until#august maybe#i think i'm finally feeling better#but i was really looking into legal psychiatric euthanasia there. drafting my fucking mail to the Dying With Dignity type companies#cause i went to a shrink who told me that i have bpd and while i didn't believe him#fact of the matter is that in some eu countries you're allowed to get euthanized for that. so .#but that doesn't matter i'm a bit better now i'm not thinking about it as much anymore#but it sickens me that#not only do i have to fucking take it alone#but i also have to deal with a lifetime of ridicule disgust “turn off” and pity afterwards#my own best friend told me to make sure to cover up when we slept at a relative's#and i felt it was ridiculous that anyone could even judge me negatively based on the scars when it's me who had to deal with this shit#not them!! and clearly it wasn't fucking easy!!! like if anyone it's not you who's getting hurt from this!!!!!!#i asked her whether she would ever be thrown off by seeing healed scars#and in the coldest tone she replied 'No but I would not know how to explain that to my kids.'#the relatives did not. in fact. have kids.
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sundial-bee-scribbles · 1 month ago
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redux of an old stupid thing
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boxwinebaddie · 5 months ago
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UNCLE NINA WRITES WEIRD JK STAN LETTERS!
hello benevolent angel people!
( because you're wonderful but bc you're doing gods work by supporting my dead fanfic from hell. c:’ )
so this is a lil...experimental? but bc i've been dabbling on that one ask large lore ask that set before kyle knows raven of crimson dawn is his stan, i've gotten very attached to writing the silly jersey letters to dead stan in his journal again. ( again, nina lore is that it's what a friend had me do when my first cat passed away.
i still write to her. <3 )
but this is just something i wrote to get back into the habit of writing again. i put it on docs and i used a font which...okay? tbh, i think looks exactly like i want jk's handwriting to look. like its very swirly, he is my calligraphy king. i didn't proof it bc i just wrote...all of it tonight like a weird crazy person.
also i realize jk sounds...a lot like me
— but he Is me, tbh?
like in some facets i did give him lil pieces of myself so he could grow into an uber tall thicc as hell academic hot jersey talk shit get hit boy.
( i also do think he's a lot goofier with stan in his little letters esp since he doesn't think that anyone is going to read them they are just his lil vent space. let it out king! )
as for the timeline...i think it's pre!rm bonus content? like i dropped a little context about stuff that happened before the fic, but i think it's probably written anywhere in the last 1-2 years of rm before kyle went to that crimson dawn concert. i'm not sure what compelled me to write it i just...really like vulnerable jersey just being a jersey dirtbag but like kneeling by the stan shrine and asking for light.
speaking of...as far as triggers go. mostly the spelling is just bad, help, but jersey does talk a lot about stan dying and is very...distressed about it. he's also...really depressed and is not at the moment coping super well, but is reaching out for help. <3 always reach out for help when you need it. i didn't mention anything specific, but he does just mention thinking he's not a good person, feeling ugly, unworthy, lost, etc...TW FOR HIM BEING SO VULNERABLE AND CUTE ALSO.
he is...my secret loverboy prince.
he is my lo-...
my L-
anyways...ROLL CLIP!
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#i cannot tell u what compelled me to make...this#but it did make me feel nice so idk its not the most professional or formulaic thing ive ever written#but i think its nice i am sorry if the found is too gnar i really wanted to do a jk letter in like a letter structure for once#also this is it so funny to me that jk out here trying to rizz himself up to fucking dead GHOST stan like he is insane#also im like oh god does he sound too much like me?? BUT HE IS ME I GAVE HIM LOTS OF ME IDK AAAA SORRY#he is a lovely man when hes not being horrible and i am Also a sweet lovely man when im not being horrible#but idk him giving stan all the cute nicknames and like writing a letter and for the first time in a very long time#wasnt completely honest but was mostly honest about just not being the best and needing to be and needin someone else#OOOOOOOOY MY EYES ARE WATCHING HELP ME#no im so sorry if u were victimized by sexy topdom jersey sometimes he is like on critical boyfailurisms#he wants to impress like one motherfucker and its dead stan marsh like HAUNT ME PROMISE ME#HAUNT ME LIKE AN OLD VICTORIAN HOUSE AN UNDERWATER SHIPWRECK when i tell u i was in pain#also not him just building his ideal boyfriend like he won i love you jersey SPEAKING OF DO U SEE HIM#DO YOU SEE HIM TRYING TO DO IT HES TRYING TO TYPE THE!!!! IM TELLING YALL HE CANT DO IT#HE COULDNT EVEN TELL DEAD STAN ANYWAYS THAT AS MAKING ME CRY sorry ill proof it a lots wrong w it#i am very sleepy nina please stop...not sleeping from stress#but i hope it pleases and sparkles <3
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I feel like the post I just reblogged pointing out the all-or-nothing in how many people interact with their deconstruction of systems of oppression is resonating for me right now with so many different moments in my life where someone decides that because some part of myself has access to some of the levers of control/influence/etc that come with the relationship to power, and decides what that must mean about all the other parts of me that might be explicitly refused access to those same levers.
It has happened in so many spaces/aspects of my life, and it can be so hard to feel safe and seen and trusting of others when that's my chronic relationship to being perceived - half truths and obfuscation.
It doesn't really change regardless of who's doing the assuming either. Like, where they land in relation to systems of power may influence which direction they lean in their assumptions about me, but even that is often inconsistent. Both sides of the equation (those who share my marginalizations and those who exist in spaces of closer proximity to power) will still do it nonetheless.
When I was doing my liminal social identities work in undergrad, this was actually a big part of the conceptualization we explored of traumtic alienation of self as individual from self as collective, and what it can do to people to exist in this liminal relationship with your environment and the people in it. As I'm starting to gather my thoughts about my stress modeling, this conceptualization is bubbling back to the surface. I'm finding myself meandering through it on both a path specifically my own, and in an effort to better understand what other paths may be available to people during their version of the process/experience.
Selfhood is so fragile, and so in need of balance between self-construction and co-construction for us humans, and that gives us so many beautiful, even spiritual, experiences of meaning making and generativity of self. It also createa many pivot points where we may find room in our path for vulnerability or blurring of self. As much as these pivot points can be distressing, I think they also sometimes become our foundations of change/personal evolution, when we find that through the distress of existing in shift, something meaningful is occurring or observable in our experience of self-in-transition.
I think something I've valued especially about my own relationship with self is its transience. It doesn't always end up somewhere I would be happy to sustain, but it always allows me a degree of comfort in complexity that I think has made my body-mind a safer place for me overall.
#one day i will understand how to convey self in a way that is Mine and also Effective Communication#but lord knows it ain't today#it's always so interesting to me the way people decide to position me in their social/power schema#the funny thing i think is that even as a toddler people seemed to assign me a seriousness and gravity of social value that was both#irrational and inexplicable and in many cases wildly inappropriate#apparently one of my auntie's got in a bad way of 'consulting' me like her personal spiritual guide when I was like#two years old????#and she had to be like#you can't keep talking to my toddler about this stuff#that's an extreme one but like#it's also in line with the trend#i don't think people realize how dehumanizing it feels to be Assigned Moral and Social Weight and Value like that#it makes it so painfully clear to me that i am expected to manage to accommodate everyone's needs while never having#or at least never expressing or acknowledging in the presence of others#any needs of my own regardless of their impact on me#sometimes I think people assume that I went into the fields I did as like. a white knight type motivation#or like#that going into the field is what's made me the way I am#and like.#not really. it's more that I knew my role in life was 'other people's emotional regulation/go-to anchor' as long as I've had self-concept#and at a certain point you've been playing that role long enough that your options are either#become a subject matter expert and contributer to the field#or fucking kill yourself#because you certainly can't keep doing what you're doing#i dunno. i guess i just wished there was anyone in my life i trusted to see me as the fully complexified and messy human I am#i might feel a little less like i'm the only real thing in my life#anyway i think i'm gonna go. dissociate out of existence for a while before i get the kind of suicidal that's going to worry wifey#i don't think i can cope with needing to regulate her out of an anxiety response right now and i understand that means i can't need care atm#you ever just get the feeling that you're drowning under the weight of the needs you just can never seem to meet? i do.
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pondhue · 1 year ago
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why take my antidepressants when i can just read the tags on everyone's reblogs of my art
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milimeters-morales · 1 year ago
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(NOT ATSV) my ideal miguel and miles friendship (bordering on enemies) dynamic is where Miles is sort of a Mean Girls figure where he’ll say the worst things to Miguel, who actually has no problems dishing that shit right back out, is usually too fed up or somewhere else mentally to reply. They fight a lot, more physically than verbally, usually in a slapstick comedy type of way. Miles is banned from Nueva York once a month and got a restraining order against Miguel in his own dimension. His parents fucking hate him and Miguel hates them right back. Rio has tried and failed to poison him via food and Jeff is considering hiring a hitman. Gabriel is beloved by them. Miles takes Miguel’s money at least twice a week to go spend it just because he can. Miguel has tried (and succeeded once) to get Miles sick with a future illness because he figured out the lesbian bar Miguel liked to perform at in drag. Miles has cried at least once in every room of Miguel’s apartment and Miguel has been confused on what to do each time besides an awkward hug and pat on the back. People are rightfully worried for Miles’s safety at least 80% of the time but when they aren’t they’re shaking their heads at the two’s antics. They need to be separated until they have a healthy “this is a grown ass man / this is stupid little girl i don’t like at work” relationship and it’ll take an act of god for either of them to realize their current one isn’t healthy at all and has extremely negative impacts on their mental state.
#i wanna write this so badly bc like . this type of relationship with adults as a kid when you can’t 100% trsut them and place your safety +#in their hands is sooo interesting to write esp considering Miguel’s past and what Miles is used to#which is dangerous fights from adults (his villains) but also the loving ones like his parents his neighbors ripeter and peter b etc#and this miguel (imo) wouldn’t hurt miles on purpose because he knows the pain BUT he also doesn’t realize some shit is pain-causing both+#mentally and physically bc yknow some abused kids grow into adults who subconsciously do similar shit#and for Miles and Miguel to finally realize beating the shit out of each other almost constantly and the negative back and forth (if miguel#feels like talking that day) is just. not a good thing#it’s sort of like the way i write pavitr and miles’s relationship regarding their fighting because it’s genuinely helpful but#can seem borderline awful and physically abusive to each other#peter b is so fucking worried sometimes bc he sees Miguel in a completely different way than other people. like he’s off in lala land#like. he’ll see this 15 year old stickbug of a kid fighting his buddy Miguel who has been known to kill#he’ll say some fights tou just can’t win Miles… and Miles is setting Miguel’s apartment on fire#like they have good moments. okay. trust me. but a toxic friendship like the kind you see that people take too seriously from a show like.#idk bluey. or some kids show like that.#spiderverse fans DNI ‼️‼️‼️🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾‼️‼️‼️‼️#not ship never ship don’t even tag is as such bc i’ll just delete the post#miles morales#spiderman#spider man#gabriel o’hara#rio morales#jefferson morales#miguel o’hara#m&m posts
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wreckedhoney · 8 months ago
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do i Dar e put this in the main tag even though it is So dumb So silly but also does anyone dig phantom of the opera. does anyone dig it enough to begin making very light and superficial au's.
it's the radio station for kfam. kurt m is falling out of grace with station management, more so because of the Curse that's increasingly gotten worse within the station itself as well as the town. forrest nash is getting booted out of chicago. alas, he finds a mysterious letter addressed to him that a position will soon be open in gallows creek, so off he rides, melancholy into the behemoth of a building, in a dark and spooky town.
kurt m has been scared off, but forrest doesn't believe in ghosts, doesn't believe in demons, and the only person "living" in the basement, "underground," is clive, the janitor, and it's not like he never goes home, so what's the big deal?
until after his first week(?), peggy leaves slightly earlier than he does, and forrest is left alone only to hear a faint whistling coming from alllll the way down the stairs.
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phagodyke · 17 days ago
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2nd hearing test today and it looks normal thank FUCKKK. well ofc I'm still deaf, normal For Me
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front-facing-pokemon · 1 year ago
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#RIP to the legacy post editor. you will be missed. while queueing this post and the last one it's removed the option for me to switch to the#old one and is making me use the new one. which is like not bad. it's not a bad editor. i just don't like change as most tumblr users don't#it also just appends the post you make directly to the top of the currently-displayed posts behind it even if it's not meant to go there#which is a little bit scary when i'm on the queue page and i click “add to queue” for a post that's supposed to go up on august 18th#to see it immediately appear above mega metagross. the legacy post editor didn't do that. it made you refresh the page if you wanted to see#your own new post on the dashboard. which i think was better!! honestly!! i've never Made a post using the new editor to see how it behaves#only ever queued up FFP using this thang. but that's also bc i feel like i don't post very much. i need smth Interesting to say when i post#on my main blog i mean. i don't make extraneous posts on here (usually) unless i'm answering an ask or something. which. still have yet to#miss one to this day. going strong#bibarel#can you tell idk what to say about this guy. what are they‚ water-type? big chance i'm fucking wrong and they're just pure normal#OKAY i was right. normal/water. semi-interesting typing and i get why they're a water-type. but. i never use. bibarel. even as a kid who#didn't understand or care about competitive. i knew bibarel was not very strong. it's a route 1 normal-type fucker. and maybe it's like#better than i think or something but tbqh it's a sinnoh 'mon and i already have another sinnoh water-type that has my heart. buizel#so bibarel was not so much in the cards for me. bro i should do like. a mono-type run of a pokémon game one day. that would be fu#do folks do that? is that a challenge run that actually exists? nuzlockes exist so i don't see why not. okay i'm doing it. my next replay o#any pokémon game is hereby decreed to be a water-type mono-type run. i may or may not liveblog it on my main blog#and it may or may not be nuzlocke. we shall see#hell maybe i'll stream it. maybe that could be fun. i don't know of *anyone* who would be interested in that but it tends to help me#actually go about completing games when i have someone there like. waiting for me to do so
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