#i feel so anxious tonight and i cant fucking figure out why??

[bukitanukiart]

Solubivnus: a day of chaos

Today has been potentially the most eventful day of my life, so I'm going to hype it up as such.

To preface the story (and title), I live with 5 roommates, and we have a calendar in our kitchen for communal events, and written on today (May 25th) was the phrase "solubivnus atfakoji".

This has been here since the beginning of the month, and frankly, none of us know who wrote it, or what it's supposed to mean/actually say, so for the whole month, we've been hyping up today as a joke, even deciding to have a big dinner as "celebration" for solubivnus.

But starting about a week ago, we've been having issues in our house, mainly the fact that our water heater wasn't working, and any attempts to contact our landlord failed, so today we took our anxious asses over to their residence services to actually help us. Thankfully, they listened to our begging and sent over our saviour: Kyle. Kyle has saved us many times before, we adore this man, I would die for Kyle.  So over Kyle comes in record time and takes a look at the heater and was like “yeah, that’s weird” and calls over a plumber to take a closer look, so off Kyle goes, and about 20ish minutes later, the plumbers come by and just say “oh yeah, Your gas got shut off, call your gas company.” and the 5 of us that were home look at each other because, why is our gas off? we've payed the bill on time since we’ve moved in?  and then we remembered something very important.  remember how our hot water went out about a week ago? yeah, the day before, we had seen a man in our backyard with a jacket that read “Meter reader”. we didn't see him do anything, just the tail end of him being in our yard and going on his merry way. we thought it was weird as fuck, but he didn't do anything so we just ignored it.  except he did do something...

he turned off our gas and we didn't even notice.  so I call the stupid gas company, and say “yo, why is our gas off?” and the poor guy on the other side of the line is like “off? its not, your file says your fine, I can send someone over to check it out though. 45 Road st right?” and I pause. “no” I say “I live at 54 Road st” and there was another pause. “your file says 45″. I feel a sense of dread as I look at my account details. there it was. 45 Road st. “Oh god. have I been paying someone else’s gas bill?” and my man on the other side lets out a small “I think so...” so for almost a year, our dumb asses have been footing a random strangers bill. and you might be thinking, Buki, how the fuck did you not notice this? how come they didn't shut it off 3 months in? well my friend, I live in the north, where its illegal to shut off gas during the cold months as it supplies heating, and wouldn't you know it? our lease started 2 months before the cold months. and so I wait on hold, trying to get this all figured out and eventually get told “we can transfer all your payments to a new account for your correct address and hook you back up to gas, it’ll be done in... around 20 days.” and I'm like “what the fuck, I cannot go without hot water for another 20 days, is there anything you can do?” and then I get put on hold again. 

when I finally hear from this guy again, I'm told “okay yeah, we can hook you back up sometime between 6 - 8 pm tonight, you'll still have to wait for someone to call you in 20 days for the account changes though” and tbh, that's cool man, thats fine, I just cant go a total of a whole month without hot water.  and once I hang up the waiting game is played again. by the time we hear from this guy, we we’re ready to sit down for our solubivnus dinner.  it was 5 min to 8 when we hear a knock, and we think “oh god, its finally over” as this guy hooks our gas back up and sets up our water heater and leaves.  we have a nice dinner, hanging out until 10pm It’s finally over.

except it’s not. we go downstairs and what do we see? our water heater spewing water all over our basement floor. and we panic naturally. so here we are, filling buckets with the coming onslaught of water as I panic call the emergency line for our rental company, and let me tell you that was the longest phone call of my life. finally they say they’ll send someone over, I say “great, please hurry” and not even 10 minutes later our saviour returns. Kyle.  my man Kyle comes to the rescue and turns the water off, looking at the mess to try and figure out what's wrong before calling us another plumber, these ones coming in 45 min. and when they come, what are we told? “yeah, we’ll have to replace the whole thing tomorrow.”  and that's where we are now. 

what an eventful solubivnus.

[completleymessy01]

4/9/23

Hi there, okay so i can confidently say this is the worst i have felt in a very very long time. I havent properly slept in over a week. Every single night, no joke, i have been up till 4am feeling anxious with like a pit in my stomach. And then i wake up and i have the same feeling. Something just feels wrong, like im wearing glasses that make everything awful. I can be in a room filled with people but i feel anxious and uncomfortable, like something isnt right. Everyday is getting harder to get through and when i look at my life there isnt much that i feel positive about. I just feel anxious about sleeping and i cant get it out of my head. What if i never sleep again? What if i can never sleep again? What if i always feel this way. I am fully aware that my life isnt bad, dont worry i know that. But it still feels shit, it feels like something isnt quite right and i cant figure out what. Its effecting my relationships. M hates me right now. And i totally understand why. I dont want to go out, i dont want to do anything. but then at the same time i want to do everything. But i feel like my brain wont let me. Nothing is stopping me from having a good time tonight, nothing is stopping me from falling straight asleep, nothing is stopping me from being independent, except my fucking brain. My stupid fucking irrational small stupidahsnjdjddliduhdliuhdliduhdliu. Sorry, im just so angry. I am angry that i cant work this out. I cant work out why i feel this shit. I cant work out how to stop it. It wont stop.

[chatalyst]

Okay I got some characters drawn, any other recs??

I've done Adrian and Ruby from renegades, the entire She-Ra princess cast, and mousebun marinette

[oh-for-fic-sake]

FUCK OFF!

Masterlist

You and Bruce get to the bottom of your youngests Anxiety fueled Mutism.

Warnings: Swearing, Angst ,Bullying ,Racial bullying? ,Fluff , Humor

A/N: This is a request from @babydork10​ Tried to make this as accurate as I could did have to do a bit of reading up on the topic and hope I have done it justice and you all enjoy xx

Taglist: @125bluemachine125​ @iloveyouyen​ @thefangirlsblog​

You and Bruce looked at one another across the kitchen, you where having a disagreement. Not an argument. Bruce thinks that its time to start helping your youngest with his selective mutism by taking him to the funday fundraiser for the brand new Martha Wayne foundation, a new charity for the underprivileged children of Gotham. It was going to try and build a new school with decent education giving these kids equal opportunities to go to college and university,  to make it out of the...Harsher side of Gotham city. Sure the day was going to be fun for the kids, Bruce had pulled in a small fair ground and one of those ridiculous inflatable playgrounds you how ever think its to soon.

"Look the Drs said its caused by a severe anxiety, fear! I just- I want to help him y/n I don't want my boy to grow up..." he cut him self off and you growled hissing at him.

"Mute? Is that it Bruce? You don't want him to be mute? I mean he can't grow up to be the next Robin if he can't talk right?" He growled voice dropping low and dangerous he slammed his hands down on the counter.

"THAT'S FUCKING!-that was unfair..you know I didn't mean that at all!" You held his gaze not the least bit intimidated you know he would never hurt you deep down. You sighed and leaned back against the counter crossing you arms.

"I-I don't want him to grow up scared...Thought that we could-if it was with other kids he might open up a little" you sighed  rolling your eyes

"Its anxiety based Bruce social anxiety fuck-sure sure lets put our boy our socially anxious little boy into a fucking fairground with hundreds of kids he doesn't know! where there will be cameras and reporters and and-fuck Bruce it will be hell for him there!" He growled

"He will know some of them! Some of his class mates are coming...And you know what!? At least its something god damn it! Its fear he is scared don't you get that! He is frightened to interact! To speak to anyone fuck sake he won't even speak to Damien or Tim! Y/n! And they live here...fucking hell, woman..You know? at least I'm trying!" You flew from the counted to the island he was leaning on pointing at him really pissed now.

"OH WHAT AND I’M FUCKING NOT? COME ON TELL ME? HONESTLY BRUCE YOU THINK I’M NOT TRYING? THAT I DON'T SPEND HOURS UPON HOURS UP AT NIGHT TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE I WENT WRONG? THAT-THAT SOMEHOW THIS COULD BE MY FAULT!?" you screamed at him across the kitchen your shout echoing off every surface tears streaming down your face a you shook in anger and despair you were so happy the boys where at school you never ever wanted them to see this back and forth especially Roman.

Bruce shook his head at you and made his way to you he opened his arms holding you softly as you wept into your hands.

"Shh shh I-I'm sorry I didn't mean that its not your fault...its not anyone’s fault...I just I see my boy hurting, he wants to interact to play and make friends and I want to help him but I don’t know how....I was just hoping you know the rides and games would take his mind off of the people around him and he could...I don’t know prove to himself its okay, he can make friends and talk to others...That was all love, I wanted to give him the chance" you whined into his shoulder as he help you cupping the back of your head ruffling your hair you turned placing a kiss on his neck before nodding.

"....Okay, we can-we can give it a shot but don't push him Bruce they said he could grow out of it"

"They also said it can be a confidence thing...Fuck it could be o many things! We-I just want to help him, he is such a sweet funny kid I just want everyone to see what an amazing little boy he is!" You smiled nodding up at him.

"I know you want to show him off, a big proud papa... I do to I- I just worry to much" Bruce wrapped his arms around you holding you tight. He was worried for Romans future you both were, he place a soft kiss on your head rocking you back and forth.

"I know you are worried I am to...But we have to try, the boys will be around watching and Alfred to I just want to give him what he needs but-" you took a deep breath on his cologne then moved to rest your ear over his heart listening to the soothing pulse beneath.

"I-I know its hard not knowing what he needs...As parents its our job but...But with this? Its- your right as uncomfortable as it is for us we need to try for his sake...never know he might make a friend" Bruce took a shaking breath and rubbed your arms encouragingly.

"He might do, we do whats best, we try and that's all we can do...come on lets go let Alfred know we don't need him to babysit"

You moved across your youngest bed room he was looking at you slowly blinking his hazel eyes followed you as you ran around grabbing his new outfit. A pair of dark wash ripped jeans and a loose fitting button up shirt. Hopefully he would be able to climb and play in it.

"Mummy...What are you doing?" You took a deep breath and looked down you dreaded this. You smiled and twisted round sitting on the bed and patted for Roman to sit beside you. He did still looking at you cutely as you handed him his clothes he instantly began pulling on the shirt waiting for your reply.

"Well.. Your father and I....As you know we are having a fundraiser today...And its for your Nana's charity....And we were going to take you with us...Its going to be some much fun! your father pulled out all the stops! Theres going to be a fairground with rides and popcorn and candyfloss and a big inflatable playground-"

"Why?" What? You faltered

"What do you mean love? Why what?" He looked down fiddling with a thread on his 'trendy' ripped jeans that his father hated but you wanted him to fit in today to have the best chance, you leaned in placing a hand to his back rubbing slowly.

"Why are you taking me? Won't I embarrass you?" You frowned and kneeled down before him

"Embarrass- OH Roman no! No you have never ever embarrassed us never- do you hear me? My sweet sweet child! Don't you ever think that for a second...Roman Thomas Wayne you look at me" At his full name he looked up at you blinking away tears sniffling softly.

"B-But I don't talk mummy?! isn't that bad? don't people laugh at you and daddy when you take me out?" you gasped

"Laugh? who? who laughs at you my love?"

"....everyone! At school they laugh! a-and when we go out to dinner and when i go with you to see daddy at the office! I try mummy I do try I promise! I just don't-Can't the other parents have to laugh to!..I don't want to go!" you shook your head trying to fight tears seeing how worked up he was getting panting and panicking...This was a bad idea!

"Roman-Roro listen to me...You are my son! My little boy and you have nothing-nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of and don't you worry about what other people think, they are just jealous...You are my special little man! I love you, We love you so very much and we will protect you your brothers included!"

"Damien he and Tim hate me-I cant even talk to them! I love them and Jason and Dick but I can't- they don't know that!-"

"That is one of the silliest things you've ever said and I don't ever want to hear you say that again Roman" you and Roman gasped seeing Bruce slink into the room silently creeping.

"But Daddy-" Bruce waved a hand at him.

"No buts about it Roman...Your brothers love you to death! all four of them and they always will you here me? you might not say it but they know you love them back....There is nothing to be embarrassed about, today is about having some fun you can play with the other kids or stay with your mother and I its your choice...I hope you have a little fun at least go on some rides!" His face lit up

"Re-really daddy? they love me?" You smiled as Roman peeked at Bruce hopefully

"Of course they do! today I want you to enjoy yourself and eat as much cotton candy as you can! Now enough of all this get your- are you really wearing those?" Roman looked down to the jeans on his lap and nodded then quickly slipped them on slowly getting himself all excited he had one hell of a sweet tooth and you can get much sweeter then cotton candy...You'd be lying if you said you wasn't looking forward to it yourself.

"Okay...I will come and...Mummy? Willl-will there be pictures?" You blinked looking to Bruce this was new.

"Pictures? Like the press you mean?" He nodded

"Uh huh Like uncle Clark and aunt Lois" Bruce and you shared a look frowning why was Roman worried about the press?

"Yeah buddy just a few...Your uncle and aunt wont be there though just some people from Gotham....But after we have a picture of the family then will leave us alone...Don't you worry about them you just have fun tonight!" You had a horrid sinking feeling...why the fuck was your seven year old wary of the fucking paps? What has happened for him to be dubious over photos? Roman have an uneasy look but kept quiet prompting you to ask

"Roman love....Is everything alright? You know if anyone has done anything you can tell your father and I? We can fix it..." he smiled a false smile.

"I'm okay mummy....Can we go now?"you looked incredulously as Bruce but nodded."Sure honey go get your shoes on...the black hi-tops your going to need grip on the rides!" He smiled running down the hall

"Bruce-"

"I know love...I will look into it tonight but I picked upon it to"

The car ride was fairly quiet the tension was thick, you knew both Tim and Damien were wondering about how roman would take this but they chose to keep their comments to themselves. You and Bruce were up front Damien and Tim in the back with Roman snugly tuck in the middle. Damien and Tim were bickering over there younger brothers head. you rolled your eyes at them.

"I'm gonna kick your ass drake!" Tim grumbled

"Whatever you helps you sleep at night hell spawn! mini games are my thing!"

"Fuck you-"

"Damien language! and that's enough both of you- if you start this competitive bullshit today you'll get Jason involved and I don't want to have to deal with your bitching when he kicks both your asses on the shoot a duck!!" you looked back to the three boys. both teens grumbled you frowned.

"Roman are you alright honey? your pale...Is it your tummy?" he nodded and both brothers shared a look over him. Bruce did a quick check in the mirror and took a breath.

"In your bag I'm sure I put some in there" you nodded pulling your bag to your lap and puled out a small bottle of pills, What people didn't realize about Romans condition is there was a whole host of symptoms. Just like adult anxiety there were tummy aches, migraines, diarrhea, sickness, nausea and the most frightening of all was chest pains. you huffed you didn't have a water bottle. Fuck.

"Damien? Tim? you got any water for your brother to take his medicine?" at your request they both quickly routed around in their man bags for a water bottle Tim was first handing it to Roman who took the medicine quickly as always. you smiled to him reassuringly.

"Trust me love...There is nothing to worry over- just a fun day at the fair! okay? Just stick with one of us" Damien nodded

"Yeah you can come play with us! we can beat drake together on the mini games! he can fall to our superior genes!" Roman smiled to Damien warily making the teen smile and ruffle the boys hair.

"ha! as if Roro wants to help me wipe the floor with you! don't you Ro? after all if your as good as you say then you wont need the help!" you rolled your eyes as the two began their bickering again

"oh for fuck sake-" you were stopped by Bruce placing a hand on your thigh nodding subtly to them and you of what he was hinting to. Roman was happy smiling wide looking between his brothers, seemingly happy to be included. you sat back facing forward .

"He will be fine just give him a little space today see where it leads, I've asked the boys to watch the other parents and paps today...I have an idea about something want to confirm it first"

"About what? Roman? what do you think-" you were cut off with a patt on the leg from Bruce and a raised eyebrow.

"Just leave it with me...I will know by the end of the day but...with what he was saying to you i think...well i think he is stressing over what people think of us because of him..just let me do my thing today okay? I'm not the worlds greatest detective for nothing~" you nodded still not understanding fully but you trusted Bruce and the boys they would sort it you hoped.

Finally you arrived Jason and Dick came over giving both you and Bruce hugs and picking up roman making him release a soundless squeal at being spun around. Damien was quick to bitch at them about his tummy ache and snatch him away giving the small boy a piggy back waltzing to the fair muttering about the imbeciles.

Hhow the little boy could doubt any of his brothers  could hate him was beyond you, they each doted on him spoilt him rotten! if mum and dad said no you can guarantee Dick, Jason,Damien or Tim would make it happen. Much to the annoyance of you and Bruce. Once the initial speech was over and Bruce had convinced the wealthy to start digging into their pockets a few family photos were taken. you had noticed a few whispers about Romans appearance and quickly shut up the gossipers with a deadly glare as Roman clung to either you or his dad refusing to go with Damien and Tim to the mini shooting games. You sighed when you finally got a moment to breath away from the cameras who seemed to cling to you and Roman.

It was true you didn't normally have your youngest about, it was common knowledge that he was mute and shy so the paps had been adamant that they got as many photos of the boy as they could,much to your annoyance. you swore as he held you tighter as you moved quickly loosing them in the crowds. you turned a corner and rested a hand on Romans head calming him looking around spotting Bruce who was bombarded by his 'friends' a bunch of puffed up ignorant posh clingy twats! wanting to be seen with the infamous Wayne patriarch. you looked down as Roman tugged your sleeve and pointed, you followed hi gaze to the small cup stack mini game where there was a bunch of kids lining up. you smiled down at him and nodded patting his back.

"Go on then baby, go have fun and don't let anyone ask for money! your father has paid for free reign for everyone okay?" he nodded and walked over to the back of the line. you sighed standing stiff watching him closely you noticed that Dick was also near by watching over his baby brother closely making you feel better.

Roman came to a stop looking up at the nets of huge stuffed animals they had a wide selection he smiled seeing a massive great white shark! it was taller then him! he lined up behind the other kids waiting his turn."Hi!" he turned to around seeing a little girl around his age she was dark skinned with a mass of wild natural hair in two pompoms on her head. Roman gulped looking around seeing if sh could be talking to anyone else and she giggled.

"Yes you! that shark is cool huh?" Roman was unsure what to do he didn't want to be rude but at the same time was out of his comfort zone. he settled for nodding and looked back up at it.

"Oh...your shy huh? that's okay! I'm not...You think that's the size of a real one?" she asked looking to the toy hanging above them as the line moved forward. Roman shook his head at her, he knew they were bigger his uncle Arthur had shown him a real great white shark...His mother had to be dragged off of him by uncle Clark after...even uncle Clark had trouble getting her off him..

Roman shook his head and gulped deciding to try and communicate...this girl looked nice and...he doubted she was going away soon the line was long. he blinked and took a deep breath before releasing trying to calm his heart down and made a move signaling to the toy then made a 'smaller' motion hoping she understood. She looked to him then the toy nodding.

"Yeah! your right its probably to small!! but its cool right? I've been trying to win it all day!...Got the seal though see!!" roman smiled a warm feeling slowly bubbling up she had understood. she held out her seal to him letting him prod it, it was fat and squishy making him smile.

"I'm gonna get that shark!" Roman smirked a little looking back up taking another step to the front as more kids left holding various sized sea life prizes, some looked up longingly to the line of huge sharks on the nets you had to knock all ten cups down five times to get one...

"Oooo look! look a tiger shark!! wow I want that one you think I can?!" Libby go excited bouncing up and down placing her hands on Roman’s shoulders. He turned seeing the one at the back with light blue stripes and nodded then pointed to the octopus on the shelf below

"Wow that's cool to...You gonna go for that one? or jaws~" he tilted his head and pointed to the Great white. Libby smiled standing next to him.

"I'm gonna win the tiger shark today!" Roman's eye widened as he heard a familiar laugh

"Ha like you can get that one! scrawny arms like that! you know I'm gonna get it just so you cant have it move!" Roman frowned as some bullies from his class pushed him and Libby shoving the two of them behind their group cutting the line.

"HEY! YOU CANT DO THAT! I'M TELLING ON YOU!" Roman glared at them standing between the small group and Libby. Micky the leader sneered at him.

"What Wayne got something to say? well come on spit it out! oh wait you can't- Dumbo...Don't even know how to talk~ tell me this your little girlfriend? won't even stand up for her-" Roman growled angrily as two of the boys starting mocking them

"Romans got a little girlfriend! ha! what daddy paying her to be friends with you?!" Libby began whining as they began pulling at her pompoms tugging her curly hair harshly.

"Ew look this is her hair! god its gross and fluffy!" Roman panicked and slapped at the boys hands stopping their attempts but one pushed the smaller girl to the floor out of the line as Libby began crying loudly drawing the attention of the adults around them...More specifically the attention of Romans family.

"FUCK OFF!!!" everyone froze as roman shouted to the boys loud and clear.

You had been watching as a little girl approached Roman with her toy, she seemed nice and unfazed by Romans...Situation and you felt a rush of relief as she continued making conversation with him...well Roman-esque chatter as he began pointing at the toys. You looked away as dick came over to you.

"So? things are going well...Looks like today is working huh Mum?" you smiled nodding looking to your oldest.

"Yes- I was worried but...you know I underestimate your father sometimes especially with roman.." dick smiled slinging an arm around your shoulder kissing your head.

"Do-do you know whats going on your father said something about Roman’s issue? that he as an idea but wouldn't explain more then that" dick hissed through his teeth.

"Not entirely sure myself-" you were both interrupted as you heard a loud crying form where roman was. some kids- boys from Romans class had come over and pushed the little girl down and were pulling her hair as Roman was trying to slap them away then-

"FUCK OFF!" you froze momentarily as Roman screamed at the boys and pushed with all his might making the boy loose balance and fall before crying himself. Roman stood in front of the now whining little girl shielding her from the other mean boys. You made your way over but it was to late some photographers had gotten there first and was surrounding your boy taking photos shouting out at him asking hims to 'say something else' Jason and Bruce had swooped in shoving the men out of his sons face collecting Roman and the little girl; knowing that she would also find herself questioned by the pushy journalists. you followed as Bruce continued to one of the public toilets with roman Jason followed with the little girl.

"Shit- Ro-roman oh god are you okay?" you entered just as Bruce had set him down he was bawling his eyes out panicking and holding his breath. shit shit shit. you noticed the little girl was upset and confused, she hadn't known who roman was.

you moved to crouch beside her.

"Hey poppet...are you okay?" she blinked back tears and pointed to her cut knee.

"Oh no! did those mean boys do that?" she nodded sniffling

"A-And they pulled my h-hair saying it was funny looking!! I-I like my h-hair!!" you frowned and moved to hug her careful of her cut knee.

"Oh shh shh Its okay...your hair is very pretty!" she cried louder

"I-I w-ant my mummy!"

"Whats you mummy's name- Jason can go find her do you remember what she was wearing?" she nodded choking and coughing on her sobs. you concentrated on her as Bruce and Dick helped calm down Roman.

"Joy...she has a blue dress!" you stood up but Jason was out the door returning a few moments later with the little girls mother. She looked to you and nodded thankfully as the little girl ran to her getting picked up still tearful

"Oh god Libby what happened to you? why the tears?"

"T-they were mean to him to- th-they called him names! and and made fun of him! and he tr-tried to stop them from pu-lling my hair! and-and then they p-pushed me down and I cut my knee!!!" you looked to the little girl Libby. Then Bruce who has roman in his arms now calm.

"Roman ..Those boys? they are from your school aren't they?" he nodded and you shared a look with Bruce who was rocking him back and forth still panicked himself wondering if this really was a good idea or not. But to everyone's surprise Roman spoke up in a tiny timid voice

"T-they are mean-Call me dumb....Laugh when I make sounds and laugh...Try to make me talk..Poke me with pens so I make noises" you gasped...He had never said that before...Was that? could this be it? the issues was when he made sounds they made fun and picked on him? Bruce grunted

"How long Ro? how long have they done this?" Roman shrugged and shook his head not answering for a second and Bruce pulled him back and continued in his stern no room for arguments voice

"Roman? how long have they been making fun?" Roman looked down

"Since...forever" you gasped he was being bullied at school...no wonder nothing had gotten better! normally with selective mutism as they grew up safe spaces like home and school were just that safe spaces and he'd talk confidently interact and make friends if he was being hurt at school then obviously the opposite would happen.

Damien and Tim was quiet, this was the most they'd never heard their little brother say before and it was- they were gobsmacked. Bruce sighed and nodded.

"Thank you son for telling me- you were very brave! and I'm very very proud of you...Even if it was a swear word he lifted his gaze to Damien and Tim who both gulped.

"And you were very brave to protect your friend today from those bully's....now you leave the school with me I will deal with them...Or better yet I will let your mother loose on them" as he said that all your sons shivered not wanting to cross paths with you ever they felt sorry for the teacher already. Roman gasped and looked at Bruce

"Pictures-" Bruce cupped his sons head kissing his temple

"Leave it to me- now do you want to stay and play with-" he looked to the now quiet little girl

"L-Libby sir" Bruce smiled to the polite child

"Do you want to stay and play with Libby?" roman looked to Libby who stared hopeful and nodded Bruce put him down letting him stand next to the girl he spoke in a whisper barely being heard now that he wasn't tucking himself into his fathers neck for comfort.

"I-I-I'M Ro-Roman" she smiled at him

"HI roman!! can we?- do you wanna get the sharks? and then sweets-LET GET SWEETS!!"

"Shark's?...." Roman nodded grinning looking up at Tim and Damien as they both interrupted"we will go win you the sharks...and then sweets" they looked to Libby's mother

"We will watch out for them, come on you two" you looked as the Libby looked to her mum who nodded before running over holding Tims hand Roman joined her holding Damien's.

"We will take care of them today mother meet you at the gates at four this afternoon"

"Yes you go have fun mum- I know you like the waltzers leave these two with us" you watched as they made for the exit with the tow youngsters

"Roman come and point out these kids to me and Dami-" you gasped chasing them out

"Oh no you don't!...Timothy! Damien don't you dare! you leave those boys alone! I will sort this out-" you were stopped by Bruce who was making his way out allowing the girls mother to exit first

"Y/n leave them~"

"Bruce they will beat the shit out of those kids-" he laughed winding an arm around your waist.

"No they wont...Scare them but not beat them to many witnesses~" you looked to the other woman and smiled

"Sorry about all this- would you like to get coffee? I'm sure the boys will look after them now....It seems they are on guard duty now~" she smiled and nodded still a little on edge but you were determined to become friends with this women...her little girl has done more good for your son in the last ten minuets then you and your family have managed in the last seven years!

At the end of the day you had become closer to Libby's mother Joy and had invited her over the next day for tea it turns out you and the woman had a lot in common which made things easier. you waited at the gates and laughed as not only were Tim and Dami walking out with huge stuffed animals but Dick and Jason were trailing behind each holding a collection of won prizes. Roman and Libby were both ecstatic each holding a huge shark and a few sealed bags of cotton candy.

"Oh my- Jason I never thought pink was your colour~"

"ha ha! mum real funny not these are for the little miss Libby!" the girl was bouncing on the spot

"Mummy-Mummy look Jason got me the unicorn and the minion and the batman!!! see see look mummy he won them for me! he is really good at the shooting games!!" Joy chuckled and moved around her buzzing child

"Thank you boys...she has been looking forward to this for a long time""Jason's my boyfriend to! see he won me a ring! we are getting married!" you and Bruce chuckled as Jason blushed as the Libby showed her mother the small plastic ring excitedly.

"Ah I see well we should be getting home now...Say bye bye and we will see Roman tomorrow"

"Tomorrow? oh are we coming back!!" you chuckled as she got all excited again

"No but you are coming over tomorrow to play with roman how does that sound?" she gasped and looked to you then her mum ,Roman looked hopeful at you to.

"Really?! can I bring my shark?!" you nodded

"Of course you can bring your shark now, we better get home for dinner...we will see you tomorrow Libby, see you Joy..Jason can you take them to Mrs Mouvins car!" Damien snickered

"Yeah go help your girlfriend~" Jason grunted

"Shes not my fucking-" he was interrupted by Libby coming up and grasping his hand dragging him away.

"Come on Jason! don't get lost!" you couldn't help it you laughed loudly with the boys as Jason flushed bright as the child dragged him to there car. you looked to roman

"So you have a good day?" he nodded then paused looking around blinking taking a deep shaky breath then stuttered out quiet words.

"Y-yes ....was f-fun with Dami and Tim" both of which beamed tugging him into hugs.

"Wait a go buddy!" Tim's said giving him a noogy with the flat of his fist making roman wince and chuckle softly Damien spoke up next pulling him into a tight hug.

"We knew you had it in you! first words of fuck you though? your kick ass"

"Yeah who'd of thunk it?" Tim continued Bruce folded his arms eye Damien again

"Yes I wound where he gets it from? huh Damien? I'm sure he must have heard it around the house isn't that right Damien"

"Oh shit" you smirked as you all began your trek to the car

"Oh shit is right my boy! your doing double drills tonight!"

"Huh that's not fucking fair-"

"Triple"

"What the fuck? Why?"

"Quadruple and for being a bad influence on your brother- I don't know what your laughing Timothy your spotting him to make sure he does it"

"What?! why? what about patrol?!"Tim admonished

"Dick and Jason are going with me and if there is so much as one more word about it you'll be doing it tomorrow night as well!" you snickered as both teens held there breath biting back retorts knowing Bruce wasn't fucking around. You turned peeking through the center console to look as Roman.

"AANYway Roman you don't mind having Libby around tomorrow for a play date do you?" Roman blushed as leaned back as Bruce started the car pulling away, smiling he shook his head. No he didn't mind he liked her a lot.

That was the day that changed everything. Roman had anxiety but it wasn't so much as social it was more over the family image. You learned he had been picked on for not speaking and then picked on to make him talk, then when it did make sounds they bullied him even more for making noise!! the whole vicious cycle had gone unnoticed but after one meeting with you everything was fixed. Roman still didn't speak at school it would take time but he was getting better. All in all he was stressed and anxious little boy terrified of screwing up! he didn't want to say the wrong thing in front of the paparazzi or cameras. He was aware of the family's status and had anxiety over that not necessarily people. All of this fear and stress built up on a seven year olds shoulders resulting in his Mutism. Which was now slowly going away! he spoke freely around the house, some times he stuttered and spoke in whispers but it was much much better.

Damien and Tim both loved hearing there little brother talk after going so long not hearing a peep. Both breaking down in tears when Roman first told them he loved them...Not that either would admit it but you had dealt with the sobbing teens that evening giving both long cuddles in the privacy of their rooms. thing's were looking up and with Libby coming around all the time it could only get better!. it was incredible! when with her it as like roman was free, a normal loud boisterous little boy. You were hopeful for the future especially when Bruce was paying for Libby to start school with Roman next term paying for her full education much to the reluctance of her mother. Joy didn't want to be indebted but you but had when you and Bruce explained what was going on... She couldn't refuse that it was a good idea, Libby would have a much better chance in life, for her daughters sake she agreed. and you hoped it was the next step in prying Roman out of his shell.

[liberolove]

Lmao, so i lost your blog and i could literally only find it through your beautiful caption so ty. Since I’m here ai figured I should donate my thirst. 3rd year Noya on his way to one of his last games so he’s super nervous while on a nightbus with his S/O. Since they’re sitting jn the back, she decided to blow him to calm his nerves and he has to try soooo hard to keep quiet because lord know baby is verbal and is constantly whining throughout sessions. Y’all almost get caught but he deflects😳

Warnings: smut, getting head in public

A/N: sorry i had this in my ask for so long. i finally got the motivation to write it out lol. and for the end, someone does see you two lol

you were both in the back of the bus, on your way to one of the last games of the year. you were holding his hand and leaning your head onto his shoulder as you tried to go to sleep. noya kept staring out the window, lost in his thoughts. his palms started getting sweaty so he moved his hand away and rubbed off the extra sweat on his shorts. 

“yuu, are you okay? why are you so sweaty all of a sudden?”

“yeah, im fine. its just hot in here.”

“but the air is on? if anything it’s getting a little chilly. whats going on? Talk to me.”

“im just a little anxious over tomorrows game.”

“itll be okay, yuu. ill be there supporting you, like always.”

“i know, i just dont want to lose and stop playing volleyball. its my last year..”

“i think i know something thatll make you feel better,” you smirk at the libero, as you glance at his shorts.

“(y/n)!! not now!”

you quickly put your hand over his mouth and dive your other hand over his shorts. you palm his growing length as he quietly moans into your hand. 

“yuu.. you need to be very quiet for me. can you promise not to make a lot of noise, baby?”

he nods eagerly and looks at you with pleading eyes.

“okay, but if you make a sound, ill stop.”

his eyes widen as if to yell out “no!!”

you move your hand off of his mouth as you adjust yourself and take out his bulging cock from his shorts. he pulls them down a little to give you adequate room to work with. 

“oh, bunny, youre so hard already.” you lick his tip softly and slowly. you know he gets impatient when you do that. you put one hand at the base of his shaft and remind him to stay quiet.

gently, you start to suck on the head and move your hand up and down his length. noya can’t keep his hands off of you and starts bucking his hips upward into your mouth.

you stop and whisper, “nope, youre gonna play by my rules tonight, okay?”

he sighs but ultimately agrees.

as you put his whole cock in your mouth, you make sure to cover it in all your spit. noya lets out a small whimper, grabs a fistful of your hair, and forces your head down, causing you to choke a little. you use your teeth a little as a warning for him to shut up.

he lets go of your hair and composes himself once more. you then take both of your hands and grab his cock, twisting it, and rubbing it, while you lick and suck on the tip. this makes him go crazy and he cant help but moan out a shaky “y-y/n..” 

rather than stop, you quicken up the pace and nishi tugs on your shirt to let you know he was getting close. you remove both of your hands and deepthroat his thick cock all the way down to his balls.  after doing this a few times, you suck on his tip, hard, and lick his slit.

“y-y..y/n.. fuck. im gonna.”

you go further down and suck on his entire length until he moans out and shoots his hot, sweet load into the back of your throat.

you suck once more on his tip, and he has to push you away.

“what? i like cleaning you up,” you joke. 

when you look around, you notice that tanaka was looking at you two and gives you both a thumbs up.

your face reddens and you dive down into your seat. 

youre lucky the only person awake at the time was tanaka.

nishi giggles and kisses you deeply.

“thank you, baby. you always know what i need.”

[baekhyuq]

“Four Stars Out Of Five.” Baekhyun(m)

Genre: Smut, Bellhop!BBH, Phantom!bbh

Warnings: Smut

Word count: 4.7k

Mini Playlist: Four Out Of Five-Arctic Monkeys

Summary: You have to stay at a hotel because you ran out of gas.

Next>>

The fuel light popped on and you immediately pulled over to the nearest building. Which happened to be a hotel called “City Lights Inn.”

You banged your head on the steering wheel. You should’ve stopped for gas sooner, but your body felt tired. And it was dark. About 10 pm to be exact. You had no idea where the next gas station would be.

Letting out a frustrated yell before exiting the car, you looked up at the Hotel. The exterior was very nice but something was off. It looked a little too nice to be out in the middle of nowhere.

I'm Mr. Bridge and Tunnel on the Starlight Express

You pushed your way through the front door, being welcomed by the faint scent of a fall candle. You grinned, someone must be in a good mood.

“Hello, miss. Welcome to the City Lights Inn.” A smooth voice sounded. Your eyes scanned the room and you were met with a tall man. His shoulders were back and he had a small smile on his face. His eyes were kind and he lured you in with just a sentence.

[[MORE]]

“Hi how are you, I need a room for one night.” You smiled back. He was too handsome for this hotel. This hotel that was in the middle of nowhere.

“Any preferences in the room? Some customers like to be on the lower floor levels because the higher ones...” His voice trailed off and he ended the sentence with silence.

The head of special effects in my mind's eye

“Uh, I guess i’ll take a lower level room.” You said unsure, what’s wrong with the higher level? Must be some rude janitor or something.

“Yes ma’am, your room number is 03 and here is your key.” The handsome man gives you a key, his fingers brushing yours.

��Don’t I need to pay first?” You question.

“Oh, no need. Let this be on the house.” He grins at you and your brows furrow.

“Are you sure? There’s no problem with me paying sir, it’s fine.” You offer again.

The man leans on the counter closer to you until you feel his breath on your ear.

“I said don’t worry about it.”

Your arms become littered in goosebumps and you feel like melting into a puddle.

He grins, “My name is Baekhyun. If you would follow me this way to your room.” He begins to walk and you note his graceful stride. The long steps he takes compared to your short ones.

Baekhyun walks you down a well lit hallway and stops at a door. “Your room is this door here. If you have any questions or simply need anything i’m just a call away. My number is on the telephone book.” He says in one breath and you feel out of breath by just listening. His whole presence is suffocating you.

You nod and thank him before reaching for the doorknob to unlock it.

“And another thing.”

You turn to face Baekhyun and he’s leaned down to your level. Invading your personal space. Your cheeks turn red instantly.

Okey cokey with the opposite sex

“Y-yes?” You stutter, sounding dumb.

“Breakfast is served at 9 am.” He smiles sweetly before turning on his heel.

You gawk at his backside, his shoulders broad and the expanse of his back is just so attractive.

What’s wrong with you? It’s only been 15 minutes since you’ve met this man, and you’re fantasizing about him!

He’s just so handsome.

***

You’re reading a book on your phone when the electricity goes out. Your eyes widen and you turn on your flashlight on your phone.

“Oh my god.” You whisper, quietly panicking.

You hear a knock at your door. You jump slightly.

“Yes?” You pry open the door to see Baekhyun with a flashlight and a worried face.

“Are you alright miss?”

You nod, “Just a little frightened.”

“It seems that the power has gone out on this side of the building. And I-This may seem very unprofessional but you’re going to have to sleep in my room for tonight.” Baekhyun says, watching your facial expression.

“I-You-What?”

“I know, I am sorry but all of the rooms are booked.” He says in a way you don’t dare to question.

The hotel was pretty quiet, it’s late so everyone must be asleep and not have noticed the power go out.

This just sucks. But at least you get to see a handsome man?

***

The things you try to forget

You couldn’t sleep the entire night, the thought of being in such an attractive man’s room made you anxious. You wanted to leave all together, the morning couldn’t have came any slower.

You were heading out the hotel with your suitcase and phone in hand. You stop at your car and you almost scream. All four tires are flat, someone slashed your tires.

You want to cry.

“Miss!” You year the familiar bellhops voice and you turn to see him running to catch up with you.

“Are you alright-“ He begins before you cut him off with a heated shout.

“Somebody slashed my fucking tires!” You want to throw yourself in front of a train. You can’t stay here again, not with Baekhyun anyway. You feel uncomfortable.

“Oh dear, it appears so. I will call somebody for you. Though it may take sometime for them to get here. You should come back inside.” Baekhyun places a hand on your shoulder and you sigh.

Doesn’t time fly?

“What are you doing with a pair of shears anyway?” You ask curiously.

He looks down at you. “I was tending to the bushes in the front, they needed a trim.” He chuckles. “I am very sorry about your tires. I will call the mechanic immediately.” He says before rushing off somewhere.

You go back to into the hotel as well. Not being able to do much. You were hungry and you hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning. Your stomach growls quietly.

I'm in no position to give advice

“Here.” Baekhyun appears next to you with a tray of sweets. What the-?

“I realized you didn’t eat yesterday. I figured you must be hungry. I don’t know what you like so I sorta gave you options..” Baekhyun scratches his neck laughing.

“T-thank you.” You take whatever your hand grazes over and eat it.

“I also bring some bad news.” He laughs nervously this time, dodging your eyes.

“Well?”

“The mechanic is actually out of town...”

“Well that’s okay I suppose, for a day or two?”

“Aha..try a month.” Baekhyun anticipates your reaction.

I don’t want to be nice

“What?!” You stand from the chair yelling. There’s no one around to see the scene you’re causing. “A fucking month? I cant stay here that long! I don’t have the money to afford this place for a month. I have to leave by the end of this week! I-I-I have to leave I-“

“Hey!” Baekhyun takes you by the shoulders and keeps you still. “Get a hold of yourself. You’re going to be okay. I’ll let you stay here u till your car is fixed. It’s on me.. I promise.”

And you know that

Your eyes are wide and you take a deep breath. “You would do that for me?”

Baekhyun nods, a small smile on his face. “You have my word.”

“Okay...but I would like my own room if that’s okay. I cant sleep beside someone so handsome every night-“

“You think i’m handsome?” The ego boost he definitely needed.

Your cheeks redden at what the realization of what you blurted out. You nodded nevertheless.

Take it easy for a little while

“I’m sad to inform you that the rooms are filled, and half of the hotel still has no power. The electrician should be here tomorrow to fix the problem.” Baekhyun sighs. “If its not one thing it’s another.”

“That really sucks.. It just went out on a clear night too.” You pout.

“At least we can be roommates.” Baekhyun nudges your shoulder.

“I guess we can be..” You joke.

“Deal.”

Come and stay with us, It’s such an easy flight

***

It’s dinner time and Baekhyun invites you to burgers at a local burger joint.

The interior was a cozy 1960’s styled restaurant. It smelled of burgers and fries. Your mouth instantly watered at the smell.

“Is this suppose to be really good?” You ask to fill the empty air. There’s music playing in the

place and people are filling some of the seats. But it’s generally quiet.

Cute new places keep on popping up, Around Clavius

Baekhyun smiles at you, “The best in town.” He calls over a waitress and she’s smiling at Baekhyun, and side eyeing you.

Baekhyun asks what you want and you say you’ll have whatever he wants. His eyes darken for a second before he regains his posture and says our orders.

“Alright, i’ll have your meals out in a few sir.” The waitress rests a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder before leaving.

“How touchy.” You comment, she didn’t have to be a bitch for liking the guy. Baekhyun wasn’t yours.

It's all getting gentrified. The information action ratio

Baekhyun grins, taking a sip of the sprite he ordered. “Jealous?”

“Of what?” You raise an eyebrow crossing your arms on the table. “If she wants your number by all means take it.”

“By the way Y/n...” He starts looking outside then back at you. “Are you single?”

“No, i’ve been single for a while now.” You don’t usually want to talk about it but you feel like talking to Baekhyun was like talking to a friend. “What about you?”

“I have a girlfriend.”

“Oh, that’s nice!”

“I’m joking. I’ve been single for a while as well.” Baekhyun crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back in the booth across from you.

Your eyes flicker from his smirk to his eyes. How playful.

Is the place to go, and you will not recognize, the old headquarters

“So what’s your job really like? It can’t be smiles and sunshine all the time, Mister Baekhyun.” You lean on your hand, waiting for his voice to bless your ears once more.

“Haha, actually no. It isn’t. My day starts at 7 am. And It doesn’t stop till 12. They’re very long, very tiring days. Why do I stay? Because there’s something about it I just can’t leave. I love waking up and tending to the garden in the front. Or asking guests how their experience was.” Baekhyun talks with his hands mostly, his slender fingers waving around.

You nod understandingly. “I see. Do you ever think about...leaving everything behind?”

“No. Never.” He answers quickly, his gaze is hard and it’s directed at you. As if you asked a very offensive question.

You nervously laugh it off, changing the subject. “So is this your home town?”

“Ah no, I was born in South Korea. But I moved when I was very young. Where are you from?” Baekhyun laces his fingers together in his lap.

“Oh i’m from ____.” You sadly smile. Mentioning the town made you emotional.

“Ah, I’ve never been there before. Why are you so far from home?” Baekhyun’s face was neutral. No source of emotion in his face, just blank.

“I...I-“

All the nights that never happened

“Why are you running Y/n?” He interrupts you, leaning forward.

“I cant..”

You’re startled by the waitress coming with your food and placing it on the table. She bends a little further than necessary, trying to impress Baekhyun.

Baekhyun watches you as you reach for your plate. You quietly eat, dodging any eye contact with Baekhyun.

“Y/n.” He calls.

“Yes?” You bring your eyes up to his, too awkward to answer, a fry in your mouth.

“You have something...” He reaches over the table and wipes the side of your mouth.

Your cheeks burn at the gesture. How freaking charming could he get. You chew the rest of your fry. “Thanks..” You mumble awkwardly.

Baekhyun smiles, resting his chin in his hand. “It’s cute.” He says.

“What is?” You question. Taking a sip of your drink.

“You being embarrassed is cute. Your cheeks turn red and you become awkward.” He stares you down, with those brown eyes and that smile. He wins this battle.

And the days that don't exist

“I’m not use to these kind of things.” You admit.

“How’s the food?” He changes the subject for you, knowing you’re uncomfortable.

“Really good actually, the burger taste like heaven.” You take a bite from the burger and you moan at the flavors.

“Well, This is the best burger joint in town.”

***

At the information action ratio

Back at the hotel it’s nighttime and the power is most definitely still out on one side of the hotel. You sigh, nervous to sleep in the same bed at Baekhyun again. He respects your space and privacy. But he makes you very self conscious.

You step out the shower and wrap a towel around you. The weathers getting a little colder nowadays and you’re starting to take hotter showers. The hot water lets off steam and it fogs up the mirror. You wipe the mirror and see your reflection.

You put your hair up before doing your skincare and brushing your teeth. You change into your nightgown and exit the steamy bathroom.

“My god, it’s like a sauna in there.”

Baekhyun’s voice makes you jump back and his the door, you whimper as the door knob hits your side. “Ouch! Baekhyun don’t scare me like that!” You chase him around the room, he runs and laughs at your childishness.

Only time that we stop laughing

“Yah! Come here, I might bruise because of you.” You stop to check your waist, pulling up your nightgown to reveal your side. You run your finger over it and it hurts.

Baekhyun stares shamelessly, checking out your curves under your gown. “Put your dress down, Y/n.”

Your eyes widen, “I’m sorry.” You let your dress fall back down. “I’m not use to living with the other gender.”

Baekhyun quirks his head, sitting on the sofa. “Why’s that?”

“I grew up in a all girls household. The opposite sex is a mystery to me in general.” You snort, taking a seat on the bed, you cover your legs with the blanket and scroll through your phone.

“So you’ve never had a boyfriend?” Baekhyun asks sounding innocent. He plays with the buttons on the end of his shirt.

You shake your head. “Never.” It’s embarrassing saying it out loud. You feel pathetic.

“You’ve never done anything?” He tilts his head, a grin on his face.

Your cheeks are tinted slightly, but the lamp on the bed side table doesn’t show it. “N-no.”

Baekhyun stands and slowly makes his way toward you. “You really are innocent huh?” He takes your chin in his cold hand and tilts your head. You freeze.

“I cant see how nobody have taken you for themselves yet. Should I be the first? Can I be selfish?” Baekhyun’s words shoot to your core and you become aroused.

Is to breathe,

A whimper gets caught at the back of your throat threatening to come out.

Baekhyun smirks, looking down at your redden cheeks. He can see your hands grabbing the blanket nervously. He leans down further and can smell your shower gel. Your breathing slows and your heart breath accelerates. He’s so close he can hear your heart beat.

His body radiates no warmth. It’s strange. His hand travels from your chin to your throat. He stops over your shoulder and takes the thin strap of your dress and lets it slide off. Your core was aching.

“P-please.” You pathetically manage to spit out. The one word sounding like a cry for help.

Baekhyun laughs, “Little lamb, you are such a naughty girl aren’t you?” He pushes you back slightly and you let him. You land on the bed sprawled our for Baekhyun’s eyes to feast.

He crawls over you, his thighs on either side of you. Baekhyun rakes his eyes over your body, the baby pink nightgown you’re wearing blocking his view of what he really wanted to see.

“As much as I want to take this off. I love how cute you look in it, I want to see you cum while looking like a little angel.” Baekhyun confesses into your ear. He leans back to see the surprised look on your face. Your hair is framing your beautiful face perfectly, and Baekhyun can’t look away.

“Tell me how much you want me.” Baekhyun commands. “Tell me how much you need me.”

You choke up on your words and start spitting out anything that comes to your mind. “I-I want you-no I need y-you so badly, Baekhyun. P-please I-“

Or steal a kiss

Baekhyun grins, your adorable stuttering catching him off guard. He cups your cheek and plants a slow kiss on your lips.

He gives you time to catch on and guides your mouth with his. You nervously move your lips with his, wondering if you’re doing this right.

Baekhyun runs his hand down your body, testing how far you’ll let him go. He slides your dress up slightly, feeling your fleshy thighs and playfully pinches them.

He catches your whimper in the kiss. And he can help but to chuckle. “Oh you’re so adorable. I’m going to have a lot of fun with you.”

I can get you on the list for all the clubs

You watch as Baekhyun sits back on his legs and scans over your body. His eyes taking in your dress messily pushed up your body, your messy hair and dilated pupils.

Baekhyun takes a hold of your panties and pulls at them. “May I?”

You nod shyly, closing your legs as you’re brain says the opposite.

Baekhyun chuckles and grabs your knees and spreads your legs for him. He slides off your panties to see a trail of slick attached to them. He licks his lips.

“Ahh, Y/n you’re not so innocent I see.” Baekhyun takes a finger and swipes it through your slit, gathering your slick. He shows you, and you become embarrassed again.

I can lift you up another semitone

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about Y/n, we need lubricant while having sex. Or else it would be rather painful and pretty much impossible. You’re body is responding to me, it’s in a aroused state.” He explains while hovering over you.

“Now look,” He takes your hand and places it over his crotch. You can feel his hardened member through his pajama bottoms. “This is how my body is responding to you. It’s in a aroused state also. You made me like this.” He groans as you squeeze it once.

“Okay.” You say understanding.

Baekhyun takes your hand and places it above your head before doing so with the other hand. He grins in your face as you lock eyes. “Now keep these here, I want to eat you out my little lamb.”

Take it easy for a little while

You close your legs around his torso and he chuckles deeply. “This again Y/n? You must be really horny. I’m really doubting your innocence again.” He teases.

“Let go of me so I can make you feel good.” Baekhyun commands. You slowly let you death grip loosen. “Good girl. Now keep your hands up there and your legs open.”

You whine, but nonetheless don’t move.

Come and stay with us

Baekhyun slides down your body to your core and he positions your thighs over his shoulders and his hand rests under your bum. He starts slowly first, licking a stripe up your slit. Then laying his tongue flat and letting you rock your hips to meet his mouth. Watching your desperate expressions.

Baekhyun holds down your thighs as you try to squeeze them back together from all the pleasure between them. You feel like you’re on cloud nine, being kitten licked by some gorgeous man.

Baekhyun’s tongue is sinfully skillful. He traces patterns and words over your clit, even going at far as to hold you down and tongue fuck you. His mouth was one tool you didn’t know he could work so well.

Such an easy flight

Baekhyun has you a whining mess. He slows back down, settling on a steady tongue flicking pace. Baekhyun watches your face from below, your eyes are closed and your mouth is open, jaw slack. He pinches your thigh, getting your attention. You whine at the sudden pain. You lock eyes and you can’t look away.

Baekhyun’s eyes darken, as he swirls his tongue in circles, pleasing you.

The intimate eye contact makes you want him even more. The more he engages with you like a human the more you fall for him.

“Baekhyun please fuck me.” You say out loud.

Baekhyun stops his kitten licks and gives you one long lick all the way up to your clit.

Cute new places keep on popping up,

“Are you sure little lamb? Once I start I may not be able to hold my composure. You’re really killing me here.”

“Yes please, Baekhyun I-I just want you so bad.” Your voice trails off, the silence of the room deafening.

Baekhyun responds by taking off his bottoms and his boxers. He strokes himself a few times before he positions himself at your heat. He takes his finger and runs it up your slit gathering some of your slick and lubricating himself. He rubs your clit a few times and inserts one of his fingers into you. You feel the uncomfortable digit, and he curls it. Your eyes cross and your toes curl.

“Ahh.” You moan quietly. “That feels weird.”

“I’m sorry, you have to be stretched first, I don’t want to hurt you little lamb.” Baekhyun coos, a understanding frown on his lips.

Around Clavius, It’s all getting gentrified

“I’m going to insert another one,” He continues to insert another finger and the feeling of being stretched feels uncomfortable. He pulls them in and out, to get you use to the feeling of something in you. Your stomach turns at the foreign feeling. Is this what it would feel like when he’s in there?

“Baekhyun...” You mumble.

“I know, I know. You’re doing so good, angel.” He shushes you and kisses your forehead, comforting you with words of endearment.

He fits three fingers in you and you’re almost teary eyed at the sensation. “Okay i’m going to be slow with you.” Baekhyun says as he lines up his member with your heat, he leans down and cups your face before pushing in.

I put a taqueria on the moon

You gasp, the stretch feeling more than three of Baekhyun’s fingers. “Baekhyun I don’t like it, it hurts so much.” You cry, squeezing your eyes shut.

Baekhyun tried to comfort you the best he can and distract you from the pain. “I know baby, It will get better soon. I promise.” He wiped your tear of pain from your cheek.

He begins to slowly move his hips into yours. The stinging continues but worsens, you bite your lip. “Just a little longer.” He reassures you.

The steady rocking of Baekhyun’s hips speed a little and the pain slowly subsides. The pleasure you feel is unlike any pleasure you’ve experienced.

It got rave reviews

“Baekhyun, you feel so..good.” You bring your hand to rest on his lower abdomen as he leans back on his own legs and rocks into you.

“You’re doing so good, angel. I knew you could take all of me. You’re such a talented little lamb.” Baekhyun grins down at you, his eyes hooded and glazed over completely.

You moan at his praises, a new level of you wanting to be adored discovered.

“Ah ah ah, but what did I say?” Baekhyun takes your hand and places it above your head. “Keep your hands above your head.” He whispered seductively.

“But I want to touch you too.” You grab the blanket and twist it in your grasp, desperate for connection. “Please, Baekhyun.”

For stars out of five

“I’ll grant you this one wish.” He rolls his eyes but grins at your child like whining.

You rest your hands on his shoulders as he leans close enough to kiss you, but he doesn’t. Baekhyun hovers over your lips, looking into your eyes.

You boldly reach up and connect your lips, the connection causing you to receive more pleasure. You roll your hips into his and moan into his mouth. Baekhyun pulls your hair slightly, adding onto how much pleasure you could feel. The contrast between pain and pleasure gave you more pleasure in the end. Baekhyun knew that.

Take it easy for a little while

Baekhyun’s hips are snapping into yours, you’re moaning into his neck as he holds you both together, the bed is squeaking slightly and you feel as if you could fall apart in this moment. The pleasure was overwhelming, a warm sensation trickles down your legs and you cry loudly.

Come and stay with us

Baekhyun stills, looking down at your bodies connected. He lifts his head to look at you with a smirk on his lips.

“What?”

“I made you squirt.” He connects his body with yours again, making you whine at the sensitivity.

Four stars out of five.

“Don’t say that, it’s embarrassing.” You cover your eyes, turning away.

“Hey,” Baekhyun takes your arm from your eyes. “It was fucking hot.”

***

Take it easy for a little while

You couldn’t think about Baekhyun the same after last night. The sex you two had had you sore, your hips bruised and your pelvic bone felt sore.

But strangely you didn’t wake up beside him the next morning. His phone was plugged into the wall charging, his clothes weren’t laying on the bed for him to get dressed. None of his belongings were there anymore. It’s as if he left.

Come and stay with us

You put on your nightgown and open the door to your room. You peek your head out and see no one in the hallway. You walk to the reception desk and look around once more. Nobody.

Your bare feet carry you outside to see the sun beaming down on your back. You look in the parking lot and you can’t remember if there was any other car but yours parked there to begin with.

Four stars out of five

To think of it, when did you ever bump into a guest at the hotel? Did this hotel even have service. What’s with the closed sign on the door? And why does it smell so musty inside. Why can you wipe your finger across the door knob and collect dust as if it hasn’t been touched in months.

“Ma’am! What are you doing on this property, the sign says no trespassing at anytime!” A voice calls to you.

Take it easy for a little while

You turn toward the road to find a older man in a beat up pick up truck. You run over to him, he squints as you jog up to his truck.

“I have a room rented out here, is there a problem sir?” You reply, your bare feet burned on the cement.

“Well there’s no way you’re living in there-“

Come and stay with us

“Should I go get the bellhop for you?”

“Ma’am this place has been shut down since 1960.”

You stood still, a chilling sensation creeping up your spine to the back of your neck.

“1960? D-Do you know who owned the place?”

Four stars out of five

“Ah, yes. A young man named Byun Baekhyun. A tragic story really, he committed suicide by jumping off the building. They had to close down the place after that happened...” The man sighed, but continued. “But don’t go inside there. It’s dangerous. Be safe.” And with that he drove off.

Take it easy for a little while

Goosebumps formed on your legs and spread over your thighs. The cold shivering sensation worsening. You turned back to the hotel, looking at the doors. They were left opened.

Four stars out of five

[turtle-steverogers]

alright babe heres the first 5 I saw: "why are you covered in neon body paint?" "best not to ask" and "I cant breathe, I cant-" and "I cant walk just go on without me" and " ive had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with" and "hey guys im here and im ready to bitch"

hey guys, saph and i were facetiming earlier and she dared me to finally answer this ask she sent in like fall 2018 except i had to use all the prompts and the result is…well, i’m not sure what it is.  but its got criminal race and spot and a cryptic ass albert who makes lava lamps for his niece.  so yah. enjoy!

warnings: its pretty much crack, but there is a brief anxiety attack

ship: platonic race/al/spot

word count: 2490

editing: no

Something a Little Off-Kilter

-

Race was nine years old when his ma grabbed him by the chin, turned his face towards her and told him in all her harsh Italian-mother sternness, “We do not run from people, Antonio.  You have Mancini blood in your veins and Mancini’s do not run!”  And Race, with eyes blurred from tears and nose dripping with blood from the fight he’d just fled, nodded vigorously before trudging miserably to his bathroom to clean up (and cry a little more).

But he’d learned two things that day.  One: what a maiden name was and that his ma’s is Mancini and two: running is for losers who never want to stop running.  And he’d more or less kept up that sentiment, even if it cost him a black eye and some dignity in some circumstances.  Like that one time in eleventh grade when Spencer Reiding called him a fairy and in turn, Race had beat the living shit out of him until his little entourage had shown up and knocked him out cold.  But seriously, ‘fairy’? It’s not 19-fucking-50.

Race supposes, though, that all good sentiments meet their maker at one point or another.  Self-preservation over morals and all that, right? 

“Floor it, Christ, are you flooring it!?”  His grip on the ‘oh shit’ bar is white-knuckled and he can hear himself panting as he twists in his seat for what’s probably the hundredth time.  The blue and red flashing of the cop car that had been following them is nothing but a speck at this point, but Race isn’t really keen on taking any chances right now.  Tonight had been a close fucking call.  

“Yes, I’m flooring it, asshole!” Spot shouts, swerving around a lone subaru that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere on the otherwise empty stretch of desert highway.  Normally, Race would be surprised at the sheer lack of cars that are out, but he supposes 4 am in buttfuck Arizona is not prime time for travels.  

Letting out a little whine, Race turns to face forward again, stealing a quick glance at Spot as he does so.  He can see the faint worry lines on his face, reflected from the miniscule lights of the dash.  They’d opted to leave the headlights off for optimal covertness, but the moonlight over the desert proves to be more than sufficient.  

Spot’s anxious, Race can tell.  He remembers a year ago when the two of them had first met in that dingy bar in Brooklyn.  Spot had been nothing but a stoic mask at that time, only showing faint hints of amusement every now and then.  It had been incredibly disconcerting, especially to Race who wears his heart on his sleeve, to behold such utter passivity, but Race had since learned to read him.  Spending everyday together for twelve months is really the best lesson in a person’s tells, Race has found.  And really, when he spares a second thought to it, their situation and relationship therefore, is a strange one.  Two broke college grads down on their luck and bearing fuck all from their families meeting by chance and somehow finding themselves stuck in a loop of money laundering and identity theft in order to stay above ground.  Maybe not the best solution to their problems, but hey, Race never claimed to be smart with his choices.  And the rush of adrenaline is as much of a drug as the coke they sell on the side.

“God fucking damnit, is he still following us?” Spot says, eyes flitting to the rearview mirror.

“Dude, he caught us balls deep tryna break into a fucking bank.  He ain’t gon’ let us off that easy.” Race says, “Jesus fuck I told you we should stick to the other stuff.  We were making big cash just fine pulling paychecks from easy civvies.”

“Yeah, yeah, you can tell me ‘told you so’ when we get somewhere I can think.” Spot sounds exhausted and on-edge and Race himself is looking forward to this whole ordeal blowing over so they can find a place to ditch this car and grab a new one and maybe crash at some shitty inn no cop would think to look.  Yeah, laying low for a couple of days sounds perfect right now.  They don’t even have to leave the room.  Denny’s orders in, right?

“Oh, I will.” Race says, sighing an internal sigh of relief as the distant lights of a small town come into view.  Thank god.

Spot mumbles something that sounds like, “Fucking finally,” and eases up on the gas, turning abruptly once they enter the city perimeter.  

They’ve gotten good at this: losing tails, but Race still holds his breath as Spot loops around the backroads of the town, looking for a place to dump the car.  It’s a few minutes until Race can see the lights of the cop car reflecting off the drug store they’d passed upon first entrance and he hisses out another curse, jabbing Spot in the arm.

“Stop here,” He says, “If he finds the car, fine, but he sure as hell ain’t finding us in it.”

Spot looks like he wants to fight back, but instead, he surprises Race by pulling to a surprisingly quiet stop by an old auto-shop.  He gestures for Race to get out and swiftly grabs their duffels from the back seat, tossing Race’s to him, both pausing when the cop car cruises in front of the alleyway closest to them.  Inaudibly, they let out synchronous sighs of relief when it continues on. 

They cheat behind the auto-shop and are barely settled into identical crouches when a quiet, “Psst,” captures both of their attention.  Race jumps violently, only barely recovering in time to slap a hand over Spot’s mouth as he begins to shout in surprise.

“Over here,” the voice whispers again.

The two of them turn to look at where the auto-shop’s back door is now open and Race squints as the silhouette of a man comes into view.  He can see the man waving a hand in front of him, beckoning them closer, before exchanging a look with Spot.  A silent conversation passes between them, we’ve made bad choices before, what’s one more? And Spot shrugs a little before hoisting his duffel back onto his shoulder and tiptoeing towards the man.  Race follows behind warily. 

Now that he’s closer, Race can see that the man is about their age- young and a little rugged looking with hair that curls towards his jaw at the nape of his neck.  His face and arms are splattered with- well, Race’s first thought is that it’s blood, but upon further inspection, he sees that it’s paint.  Bright yellow and orange neon paint.

He has a lot of questions.  Like, how the fuck did you notice us lurking behind your building at four am? And, why did you think it was a good idea to interact with two obviously suspicious looking men? But all that comes out is, “why are you covered in neon paint?”

Spot drops his head in a groan and the guy laughs somewhat maniacally, “best not to ask, it’s a long story.  Well, actually it’s not.  You see, it’s my niece’s birthday tomorrow and she really likes lava lamps so I’m hand making a few for her and that includes painting the bases and she’s going through that quirky eight year old phase where everything rainbows and neon is super cool, so I’m making them neon tie-dye,” he says it all in one breath and Race finds himself struggling to keep up, “anyway, the names Albert.  You two look like you need some help.  Wanna come in?”

The whole situation’s fucking weird, but Race and Spot exchange another look, this one holding the quick debate of, what other options do we got? And a moment later, they’re hustling into the dingy auto shop.

The lights are dim on the inside, but it’s a surprisingly cozy set up.  The side dedicated to cars is immaculately organized, with a few hanging from the ceiling and others lined neatly on the ground, propped up on floor jacks where necessary.  On the other side is clearly where Albert lives, with a couple curtains sanctioning off a twin bed and desk, where sure enough, three lava-lamps, varying in color and size, are set on a few sheets of newspaper.  

Spot frowns as Albert locks the door, turning to them with a smile, “I’m assuming the cop car out there’s for you guys?”  When Race and Spot don’t answer, he continues, too lighthearted for the situation, “Yeah, figured.  Feel free to lay low here ‘til the threat’s passed.”

“If the police are clearly after us, aren’t we the threats?” Spot asks, “Wait, no, hold on, aren’t you gonna ask us what we did?  Aren’t you put off at all?”

Albert waves a hand, “Nah, I do this all the time.  Just don’t try to murder me and we’re good.  You look like nice enough people, just a little down on your luck.  I don’t mind you camping out here while ya need.” He sets off towards his desk, seemingly to finish the lava-lamps, “The door across from the supply closet is technically an office, but I stuck a mattress and some blankets there for people like yourselves.  Feel free to crash.  If the bull comes by, I didn’t see anything.”  With that, he’s gone.  Behind the curtain as if he’d never been there.

Race blinks, bemused, and looks at Spot.

“What the fuck did he mean, ‘I do this all the time’?  Who the fuck is this guy?”

Spot shakes his head, looking more lost than Race has ever seen him, “Hell if I know.”

The office-turned-guest-room turns out to be more spacious than Race had anticipated and he and Spot are sitting on the mattress, munching on granola bars that were placed unceremoniously in a bowl by the door, when they hear a knock from outside.  

Race feels a pit of dread form in his gut and he lowers his granola bar, appetite lost.  It’s the cop, it’s gotta be.  Who else would be knocking before dawn?  And oh god, they’d left the car right out front, how much more obvious can they be?

Race glances at Spot, who’s also stopped eating, and hisses, “If he catches us, run.  Go on without me.” 

He means it, but Spot just huffs out a bitter laugh, “As if.  Now shut up.”

They strain their ears, listening as Albert opens the door, feigning sleep they know he hasn’t gotten in his voice, “Officer.  Is there a problem?”

They can’t hear what the cop says, but Albert’s side of the conversation is fairly clear, “Hm? Oh, the paint?  I was working on a project for my niece and must have dozed off before cleaning up.  Anyway, how can I help you?”  There’s a pause, “Two- what? I haven’t heard anything about no bank robbers, that’s terrible! I- oh, that car, that’s…strange, that wasn’t here when I went to sleep.  Sure, you can check around back, but I doubt ya’d find anything.  I’da heard if someone were moving around out there and I didn’t hear nothing last night.  Yes sir, I- oh?  Nah, I’m afraid I can’t letcha search my shop.  Not without a warrant.  Mm, sorry officer.  Yes, I understand the caliber of the situation, but it is my legal right to deny your entrance to my home without substantial reasoning.  Mhm, but see, that’s a hunch.  I don’t see no warrant.  Okay, officer.  Yes. just around back.  Go ahead.  Alright, officer, okay.  Nice chat.  Goodbye.”

The door closes a second later and Race lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.  All at once, the adrenaline of the night hits him.  They’d almost been fucking caught, Christ, what if they’d ended up in jail?  What if they still end up in jail?  He couldn’t survive jail, fuck, he wouldn’t even be able to afford and lawyer and shit-

His body is shaking, vibrating really, and a weight is steadily growing on his chest.  Involuntary tears prick at his eyes and he brings a hand up to the front of his shirt, tugging as if that would release some of the pressure from his lungs.  

“Race?” Spot sounds distant and Race turns to him, knowing he looks panicked, but having no capacity to change that, “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” Race says, voice high and pitchy, “I can’t really breathe, I can’t-”

“Shit, hey, it’s okay.  I think you’re having an anxiety attack,” Spot says, sounding uncharacteristically gentle, “I know a lot happened tonight, but we’re okay,” He places a comforting hand on Race’s shoulder, “Just breathe, it’s okay.”

Race nods, closing his eyes and focusing on Spot’s touch, allowing it to ground him.  A few moments later, he’s feeling calmer, if still a little shaken.  

“You alright?” Spot asks, not removing his hand.

“Yeah, I dunno, man,” Race says honestly, “It’s been a rough ass night and all I want right now is something to drink and someone to cuddle with,” his eyes fly open as soon as the words are out of his mouth.  He hadn’t meant to say that.  He’s not sure why he said that.  It’s not even like he and Spot have that sort of relationship, nor is he particularly seeking that out.  But now that it’s out there, Race wouldn’t say no to some good old physical comfort.

Spot seems to sense that and laughs a little as he removes his hand from where he’s still gripping Race to sling his arm around his shoulders.  It’s a little more intimate than they usually are, but friendly and comfortable nonetheless.  Race takes a deep, shaky breath and rests his head back against the wall, leaning into Spot’s side.

“Yeah, it’s been a fucked up night and I think I’m still deciding whether or not it’s real or just some weird fever dream,” Spot says, “Like, who even is that guy?  What the fuck is his deal?”

“Lord even knows,” Race says, “But I think I got my fill of crazy for a while.”

“Yeah, me too.”

They lapse into silence and Race is just starting to drift off when the door to the office opens and Albert pokes his head in, somehow covered in even more paint than before and holding up a bottle of tequila, “hey guys, I’m here and I’m ready to bitch.  The cop is gone now, though I wouldn’t recommend skipping town just yet- better safe than sorry.  Also, bank robbers, huh?  Haven’t had your kind in a while.  You’re a fun type, though the arson that I met last week was pretty spicy.  Anyway, drinks?  I know it’s early for alcohol, but I get the feeling y’all need it.”

Spot doesn’t even try to lower his voice as he says, “Yeah, I don’t think our fill of crazy is over yet.”

-

don’t ask me what that was about, i genuinely don’t know

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

TAG LIST: @getchapapes@we-dont-sell-papes@suddenly-im-respecsable 

@aw-jus-let-em-try @well-the-kids-do-too@spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn @felix-loves-albert-and-ralbert@technically-whizzy

@andthewoildwillknow@the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog@localfakeitalian @have-we-got-news-for-you@musical-shitposts@thebroadwayaesthetic

@thomasbeingthomas

@irondad-spiderson-duo

@snakesarenonexistent 

@i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing 

@kpop-kk

@mentallytiredgoat

@yxseminx

@be-more-chill-evan-hansen 

@stopthe-presses

@elmers-half-a-cup

@and-i-lostmy-shoe

@spot-me50-papes

@honeynutpoptarts

@newsies-ensemble

@bennie-badeend 

@auspicioustarantula 

@faithmil 

@hopefully-not-the-ghostbusters

@bxnesof92

@backgroundensemble

@sure-as-a-star

@skybert-daherty 

@eveningpaper

@malex-13

@albert-eats-cookie-cake

@heart-a-n-o-n

@bitching-newsboys

@orollyitsracetrackhiggins

@joshuaburrageenthusiast

@random-superhero-stuff

@awkwardstranger98

@falling-out-trees-101

@modern-race-owns-airpods

@asphodelnerd

@i-dont-do-sadness

@rockyroad236

@sirgrahamcracker

@godhatesjordan

@thats-our-que-boys

@bastille-smedry

@nerdsies

@toss-me-a-pape

@wolfbutterfly42

@revolutioninthesewers

@spot-the-brooklyn-pirate

@aintnosleevesinbrooklyn

@hats-or-badges 

@cassimalfoy

@kingofflushing

@racetrackyeetgins

@yeetwootyeetwoot

@for-the-star-reporter

[hskswife]

heartbeat one

Summary: You placed your hands over his heart and the tears started to roll out.

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

Words: 1851

You smiled as Hoseok wrapped his arms around your waist, from behind, kissing your neck his warm skin against yours, "Goodmorning hun." He just groaned as he dug his sleepy face onto your neck.

You laughed as you continued to flip pancakes as he clung to you. "Hun. Can you hand me the plates over there." He nodded as he finally let go of you to grab the plates, "Do you have anything planned today?" You shook your head, "No why?" He smiled as he put a strawberry in his mouth, "Let's go do something."

"Okay, tonight because you have work and I have a deadline coming up. Okay?" He stuck his tongue out at you while you placed the food on the table, "Fine." You smiled as you sat down, "It would've been done by now if someone wasn't so needy last night." He licked his lips as he bent down to kiss you before he sat in his chair digging into the pancakes," Totally worth it right?" You giggled at his sexy remark as you wiped off the syrup on his chin. "Yeah totally worth it."

After breakfast, he got ready for work and you locked yourself into your office as you began writing the second part of your trilogy. You kept rewriting the end but nothing good ever came to you. One part would seem like a good idea at first but after reading it a few times it seemed too cliché. You groaned as you got more and more frustrated. "Ahhhhhh! Why did I choose to be a writer?!"

You sighed as you continued to type away when your phone beeped. You smiled as you saw it was from Hoseok. You then opened the message:

jhobi: Hi baby don't work too hard and don't forget to eat<3. Can't wait for tonight~~ I love you muah (;

  And with that, you instantly felt better especially with the picture he sent of him holding up his drink with a wide smile. Every single frustration in your body just disappeared. "Wow, he must be enjoying himself at work." You smiled like a dork to yourself as you replied back.

You: Thanks hobi i feel so much better <3 i cant wait for tonight either ill make sure to wear the dress you love (;. I love you too (:

You then put your phone down and got to writing. After 2 hours or so you finally had finished writing and your eyes were starting to feel heavy. You looked at the clock and figured you can take a nap before your date with Hoseok. So you got up and went to the bedroom turned on your alarm and fell asleep.

You woke up to the sound of your phone it was Hoseok's ringtone. Fuck were you late? You answered the phone without looking at the time," Hoseok hun I'm sorry I'll be there in a minute I just need to get rea--"

"Is this Ms. Min?" You heard a stranger say over the phone making you double-check making sure the number was Hoseok's. It definitely was. "Y-Yes...who might this be?" The person was silent for a second, "Please come to XYZ hospital right now. Mr. Jung has been in a traffic accident."

Your brain took a while to process what he had just informed you but before you can say anything he had hung up. "N-No this is a prank it has to be. I'm sure I go over there and Hoseok and the boys would be laughing at me..." You grabbed your sweater and keys and ran out of the apartment and into your car. "Hoseok is fine...he has got to be..."

You then called your brother. "Sorry can't pick up the phone right now just call again later." You were shaking your heart was racing. So many thoughts were racing through your head. Yoongi is not answering. That means they were with Hoseok. 'I'm sure this is all a prank.' You thought to yourself but it wasn't convincing enough.

You finally got to the hospital."I'm here for Jung Hoseok. He was in a traffic accident and they cal--" Yoongi then interrupted you, "Y/N right here."

You couldn't get the anxious feeling off your chest. But you followed your brother into the hospital room. You prayed that when you went in there a smiling Hoseok would greet you with a smile with a cast on his leg. You prayed it was nothing big. You prayed he was safe.

When you finally got there Yoongi opened the door. "Y/N before you go in there...just hear what I have to sa--" You barged into the room to find Hoseok laying on the hospital bed with a blanket over his face. "Is he sleeping?"

"Y/N..." Yoongi said as you slowly approached Hoseok's lifeless body. "Wake up baby I'm here come on jokes over." You laughed as tears rolled down your face your worst fears being confirmed as you removed the blanket over his face and placed your hand on his heart that was no longer beating."Come on Hobi...this isn't funny anymore. Wake up." You fell to your knees weak from the shock as you firmly grabbed his hands, "Hoseok wake up! Please! It's not funny anymore!"

Yoongi ripped you away from Hoseok's body as you continued to cry out. It felt almost as if though the whole hospital was filling up with your pleas and screams. "Hoseok please!!" You screamed continuously your voice cracking. You knew you were losing your voice. But you didn't care. You continued to scream hoping and praying that somehow that would bring him back.

After an hour or so when you just became numb a nurse and a doctor came in to take Hoseok's body away. "Ms. Min, can we talk to you?" You silently looked up at the doctor and nodded.

You followed the doctor into his office and took a seat on the chair in front of him. "You are aware that Mr. Jung has lost all contact with his blood relatives. So all we have down as a guardian is you. Mr. Jung was a listed donor but we still need you to sign some documents saying its fine for us to donate some organs for people who are in need of these organs."

You scoffed, "So you're asking me if it's okay to butcher my fiancé." You said the last part coming out as a squeak. The doctor cleared his throat," Not necessaril--" You then stood up, "You said it yourself it was Hoseok's wish to be a donor. At least I pray to the people who receive his organs to live well for him. That's my only condition. Tell them to live well." You left the doctor's room crying once again. You covered your mouth afraid to cry out again. You hiccuped from crying too much. It was hard for you to breathe. It got harder but this was your reality now. To breathe, eat, and live without Hoseok. This was your own damn fucked up reality.

3 weeks have passed since Hoseok's death but you were still numb. It felt as if though yesterday you were just with him. He may have left you behind but the feelings you felt couldn't have been more alive. You moved out of the apartment you and Hoseok lived in together. It was suffocating. Every corner of that apartment had 7 years worth of memories you wanted to forget.

You were working on your new book when Yoongi knocked on your door. You lazily got up and opened the door to your room, "What?" He looked at you pitifully, "The hospital called they said the mother of a boy who received an organ from Hoseok wanted to thank the donor's family...Since he had just woken up." You scoffed, "Do I have to go?" Yoongi held your hands, "Look...I know your hurting still, I don't even know how much it hurts for you right now but at least show your face and see them. Please?" You nodded, "I'll get ready."

Yoongi smiled as you opened your closet and made yourself look presentable. You then got out of your room and you bow to Jin and Taehyung. "Wow, we haven't seen you in forever how are you holding up?" Jin smiled and asked you looked down," Getting by I guess." They all went silent as Yoongi's room opened, "Oh you're ready. Let's go..."

The car ride there was silent. Everyone had been careful around you. Not a word during dinner about Hoseok. Your mother told you to live with Yoongi and the boys for a while rather than living alone. She was scared that I won't take care of yourself or you might do something much worse.

"We're here." You nodded as you got off. When you arrived at the hospital it got even harder for you to breathe. You hated the hospital. The smell and the people. It reminded you of that day. You were scared to step foot in a hospital. You never told anybody of course.

When you got to the hospital room you were greeted by a lady probably in her late 40's. Yoongi told her something before she approached me. "You must be Mrs. Jung. Oh, you're so young yet you lost your husband so ear--" Yoongi cleared his throat, "I'm fine Yoongi, and no ma'am we weren't married yet..." She looked down and bowed deeply, "You don't have to--"

"I am sorry for feeling happy when your mourning his death but, thank you! You saved my son's life he's only 22 and for him to still be alive I'm thankful." You looked at the boy in the bed. "He's only a year older than me. Hoseok was 25..."

"And making the decision of giving his heart to a stranger must've been hard..." You smiled, "I just signed the papers. Hoseok was the one who decided to donate them. He was always giving..." Your eyes teared up as the boy woke up.

"Mom...whose that?" She immediately ran to his side, "She's the fiancé of the man who gave you his heart." You smiled at him and bowed, "Nice to meet you I'm Min Y/N and that's my brother Min Yoongi." He sat up and bowed, "My name is Jeon Jungkook. I'm sorry for your loss..." You approached him as you reached for his chest, "Is it okay if I..." He nodded, "Go ahead."

You placed your hands over his heart and the tears started to roll out. You felt the beating of Hoseok's once lifeless heart. It was hard for you to breathe again. You felt the warmth on your fingertips as if though your sunshine hasn't left your side. You closed your eyes and was startled when Jungkook grabbed your hands. "So-Sorry I just I don't know why but your expression made me want to hold your hand..." He immediately let go of your hand and you removed your hands from his chest. "Live well Jungkook..." You then made your way out and before you grabbed the door to open it Jungkook screamed.

"Can I see you again?" You turned around to look at him and smiled, "Sure..."

[inanimate-insanity-headcanons]

Here is the fanfic of nickel singing with a side of bickel

crow submitted:

 The show has ended a couple years ago, and everyone was enjoying themselves.

   Suitcase won, to manys suprise. After a while though, everyone though that she deserved it. She didnt even keep it; She gave it to Oj for him to use to run the hotel.

   How sweet of her.

   Everyone is talking and interacting with eachother. Nickel is talking with Baseball while sitting on the couch. Suitcase and Balloon are enjoying their time together, Yin-Yang is fighting. Everything is as normal as it gets here.

   Until theres a knock on the door.

   Some people turn to the door, mixed emotions all through the people who heard the knock.

   “Hey, Nickel? Can you get the door please?” Soap asks.

   “Alright” Nickel responds, sliding off of the settee and walking to the door. While doing that, another set of thunks come from the door.

   He grips the doorknob and twists quickly, but before he could pull the door open it slams into Nickels body, full force, and sends him backwards. Knife catches him before he can hit the ground, though.

   “Mephone what the Fuck?!” Knife yells as Nickel holds his head and groans in pain.

   Once Knife knows Nickel regained his bearings and isnt in pain anymore, he props Nickel back onto his feet. Nickel thanks Knife, who rubs his upper back slightly with a tiny smile.

   Nickel looks at the door to see Mephone in all his not really wanted glory.   A chorus of annoyed voices rupture from the past contestants as Nickel wanders, and sometimes stumble, back to Baseball, who gently holds his face is his hand and asks if Nickels alright.

   “im fine” Nickel mutters as Baseball lets out a relaxed but slightly concerned sigh.

   They both turn back to face Mephone as he nonchalantly basks in everyones annoyance.

   “alright alright i know i know… Be QUIET!-” Mephone yells while snapping his fingers, silencing everyone “-One question at a time please”. There is a cheeky smile on his face.

   “What are you doing here?” Soap questions, walking to Mephone. Mephones smile became more smug and nonchalant.

   “Well, i know how much you guys missed being in Inanimate insanity-” Mephone started.

   “No we didnt” Trophy interrupts, an extremely pissed off expression on his face. Mephone stared at him in annoyance, before letting out a short sigh.   “SO, i decided to have a challenge after so long!” Mephone finishes, a uncomfortably happy tone in his voice.

   Everyone either gasps or groans. Mephones grin quickly turns to a frown a everyone reaction, before, just a quickly, changing back to a smile.

   “Dont worry, its not gonna get anyone hurt, the challenge is actually pretty peaceful!” Mephone explains.

   “Whats the challenge?” Balloon asks, nervously.

   “Its a Singing competition!!” Mephone says. Everyone is suprised. Usually the challenges require people to do something physical.

   “I decided that the challenge would be easy, so here are the rules. And get into your season 2 teams and go outside!” Mephone says.

   Once everyone begrudjingly trudges outside and groups together, Mephone lets out a salisfied huff while walking outside himself, leading the teams to the stage where the old eliminations took place.

   “good! now, you much choose one person from each team to sing on stage.-” Mephone motions to the stage. “-theres no need for any coordinated outfits or dancings or anything like that”.

  "The other team members will be watching on the bleachers-“ Mephone quickly motions to the bleachers. ”-And.“

   "Who will be judging the performers?” Baseball interrupts, walking towards mephone with Lightbulb following him.

   “Yea Mr.phoneman!-” Lightbulb leans on Baseballs side. Baseball only glances at her. “Who will be judging our lovely singers”. She motions to the rest of their teammates, who are talking between each other.

  Mephone stares at lightbulb, annoyed at the nickname she used for him, before letting out a small hmph.

   “You will!” Mephone exclaims, motioning to the two of them. Baseball and Lightbulb both raise their eyebrows in shock, Lightbulb gaining a smile.

   “Wont that just let us use bias for judging?” Baseball asks, slightly concerned.   “Ive figured that out! if you guys use any bias or opinions while judging, like purposefully giving the other team a bad score, even if their great or giving your own teammate a great score, even if they suck, then your team will immediately lose!” mephone explains, pointing a finger to the team leaders before swinging his arm back so his side in a relaxed manner.

   The two people only look at the host and respond with a ‘okay’ before walking back to their respective teams.

Lightbulbs Pov~

  Once you and Baseball split off to your separate teams, you quickly begin scouring your fellow cast members to try and guess who has an absolutely spectacular voice.

   You cant choose who to sing so you play enie meanie minie mo to help you decide.

   Enie, meanie, minie, mo, catch a tiger by its toe…

   …

   And you are it!

   Your finger lands on Painty!

   “Heeeyyy Brush full of paint!” You beam at your tall friend, strolling over to them before leaning against their side. Paintbrush looks down to you, staring at you in slight suprise then gaining a curious look.

   “Can you do me a-” You make an broken ok symbol with your hand, “-Itsy-Bitsy little favor and-”

   “You want me to sing, huh?” Paintbrush chuckles. “Sure, i’ll sing”.

   You stare at them for a short while before grinning at them and hugging them.   “thank you!!!!!” You cheer, bouncing up and down before hugging them tightly. Paintbrush lets out a soft huff while smiling. You let the painter go.

   “I wonder who Baseball is gonna choose.” Paintbrush mutters to you, leaning down so you can hear it.

Baseballs POV~

  You scan over your team once again and sigh.

  Who do you choose?

   Nickel is amazing at singing but doesnt like singing in front of anyone other than yourself, Suitcase is far too anxious, Balloons voice is too high to be enjoyable, you doubt Knife will sing, Trophys an ass and you dont even want to talk to him, Soap will probably only sing the song she made herself, microphone will probably make everyone deaf, and cheesy will make puns instead of sing.

   You feel stumped.

   You decide to try your luck and ask Nickel to sing.

   You look over to where Nickel is and walk towards him quickly. He doesnt seem to notice when you stop right next to him, nor when you kneel next to him. Hes probably zoned out.

   “Hey Nickel?” You ask, gently placing a hand on his upper arm.

   Nickel goes slightly rigid under your grasp but relaxes when he turns and sees you. You take your hand off his shoulder.

   “What, Baseball?” Nickel questions.

   “Can you sing for us?” You ask hopefully. As soon as the words left your mouth, Nickels stoic yet curious face shifted to an annoyed pout.

   “Why do I have to sing?” Nickel complains, crossing his arms. You frown yourself and let out a short sigh.

   “Please?” You beg. Nickel looks away from you and lets out a hum. You hmph and think for a bit. Puppy dog eyes. They always work on him.

   “Nickel…” You plea. Nickel turns back to you and, as soon as he looks you in the eye, his pout drops as he stares into your eyes for a couple of seconds. In those seconds you can tell Nickel was struggling to not cave under pressure just by the, almost guilty, look on his face.

   “Fine! I’ll sing for our team” Nickel barks, quickly turning away from me and shutting his eyes.

   “Yes! Thank you!” You cheer quietly, engulfing his body into a bear hug. Nickel huffs, but hugs back anyway. Once you both let go, you stand up and turn back to the others doing their own thing.

   “If it makes you feel better, once we are done with this you can wear my jacket” You say, looking down to him. Nickel looks up to you with the ghost of a frown on his face.

   “I was gonna steal it anyway” Nickel verifies. You expected him to do that, so you arent surprised.

No Ones POV~

  Right after that interraction, Mephone walks to the two teams.

   “Have you guys figured out who will be singing?” Mephone questions, gaining everyones attention.

   Once the team captains both respond with an affermative noise. Mephone smiles slightly and calls for the two singers and the captains to come and meet him backstage.

  “So, here’s what you’ll do,” Mephone says, Mepad standing next to him patiently.

   “The singers go in alphabetical order, so Paintbrush will go first, and then Nickel.” Mephone says, pointing to Mepad. Mepad has the team logos, The Bright lights above the Grand Slams, displayed on his screen.

   “When the designated singer comes onto stage, one of the judges will ask the person what they are singing, the singer will tell what they are singing, and they judges will let the singers sing. easy, right?” Mephone Verifies.

   Mepad had cute cartoons of grey circles with stick limbs displaying everything Mephone explains.

   Once The four contestants give some sort of action to show they got it, Mephone starts again. 

   “The judges will then rate the singers performance based on how good the singing was out of a score of 10 each, so the highest a singer can get is 20 points. Understand?” Mephone finishes, looking at the four for verification. The four contestants all said yes.

   “Great! You will have until tonight to prepare for your performance. Dont let anyone know what you will sing.” Mephone says, waving a hand to dissmiss the others as he turns to talk to Mepad. The contestants leave.

   “soo… What are ya’ll gonna sing?” Lightbulb Inquires, turning to the other three people. Paintbrush snorts softly, Baseball laughs, and Nickel facepalms with a small, cute smile.

   “Lightbulb… Did you not hear what Mephone said?” Paintbrush asks, looking down to the blonde. They ignore the other two leaving them to be alone with Lightbulb.

   “MmmAyyybe??” Lightbulb says. She sways her hips in a playful manner before skipping to Paintbrush before they could get too far away.

   “You will have to wait until when we perform” They confirm, point a long finger and tapping Lightbulbs nose. Lightbulb giggles.

   All of the contestants talk amongst eachother, some conversations more pleasant than others, until Mephone walks infront of everyone and calls for their attention.

   “So, I gave instructions to the singers on what to do. All you guys have to do is wait for me to return later so we can hear them sing. You can go back to the hotel and do what you want, or whatever. Oh By the way, theres not gonna be a prize, since this is just for fun” Mephone says, waving his hand dissmissingly.

  The teams then start to walk, or run, back to the hotel so they can go back to what they where doing previously.

   “Im guessing you already know what your going to sing?” Baseball muses while turning away from his book, now sitting next to Nickel on the sette in the lobby.

   Nickel only responds with a hum while he sleepily leans against Baseballs torso.

 Timeskip cause im lazy ,_,

  It is just about time for Nickel and Paintbrush to perform. The two are standing backstage, Paintbrush is pacing anxiously and impatiently and Nickel fiddles with the strings of his guitar, playing a small tune.

   They both can hear Mephone giving a speech on whats going to happen in a couple of minutes, then the others chatting amongst themselves. Time seems to be passing a bit slower than normal, and soon Nickel zones out and Paintbrush sits next to him.

   “Alright, Paintbrush, Its your time to shine” Mephone says, walking up to Paintbrush and Nickel. Paintbrush quickly hops up from they seat next to Nickel, the latter snapping back to reality.

   Nickel bids Paintbrush a 'good luck’ as they walk onto the stage.

   Once Paintbrush is at the center of the stage, and their behind the microphone, Baseball and Lightbulb stop their soft conversation and turn their attention to Paintbrush. They feel a little more nervous, but they supress it quickly.

   “Hi Painty!-” Lightbulb perks up and waves.“-What are you gonna be singing for us tonight?”. Baseball lets out a very quiet sigh with a small grin on his face as Lightbulb kicks her legs back and forth excitedly.

   “uh, im going to be singing Little Lion Man by Mumford and sons” Paintbrush says, their nervousness slightly obvious.

   “Alright, you can start singing” Baseball says, sending Paintbrush a comforting smile.

   Paintbrush smiles back before the songs music starts playing. They wait a few beats, take a breath in, then they grab the microphone and start singing

        “Weep for yourself, my man, youll never be what is in your hea~art.

         Weep little lion man, your not as brave as you were at the sta~art.

        Rate yourself and rake yourself, take all the courage you have left.

      Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head.”

  Baseball leans forward slightly and Lightbulbs quietly squeals while bouncing in her seat.

                                 “But it was not your fault, but mine.

                                  And it was your heart on the line.

                        I really fucked it up this time, didn’t i my dear~?

                                               Didnt I, my dear.”

  Music plays and Paintbrush takes a few breaths. They messed up a few times, but their performance is so far really good.

    “Tremble for yourself, my man, you know you have seen this all befo~re.

            Tremble, little lion man, youll never settle any of your sco~res.

    Your grace is wasted in your face, your boldness stands alone among the wreck.

   Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck”

                                 “But it was not your fault, but mine.

                                  And it was your heart on the line.

                       I really fucked it up this time, didnt i, my dear~?

                                  But it was not your fault, but mine.

                                  And it was your heart on the line.

                       I really fucked it up this time, didnt i, my dear~?

                                              Didnt i, my dear.”

  Paintbrush takes a deep breath as they survey the bleachers, taking a break before they have to sing again. Everyone seems to enjoy their singing.                                               

                                                   “A~h

                                                    A~h

                                                   A~H         

                                                  A~H!”

                         “BUT IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, BUT MINE.

                            AND IT WAS YOUR HEART ON THE LINE.

               I REALLY FUCKED IT UP THIS TIME, DIDNT I, MY DEAR~?

                                               DIDNT I, MY DEAR.”

  The music stops. Home stretch.            

                                 “But it was not your fault, but mine.

                                  And it was your heart on the line.

                       I really fucked it up this time, didnt I, my dear~?

                                               Didnt I, my dear.”

  Paintbrush lets out a sigh of relief. The song is over and people are applauding. They relax and, put the microphone back into its stand. Paintbrush perks up when they hear Lightbulb talking

   “You sounded Incredible Painty!!!!” Lightbulb cheers, still clapping a few seconds after everyone else stops.

   “Thank you” Paintbrush says, rubbing the back of their neck.

   “You did great paintbrush! But i have to deduct a point” Baseball says, guilt obvious in his voice. “You sounded really good but you messed up a few times. Not too much though”.

   “well, ye, you did do mess up a few times, but it didnt really hinder your lovely singing, imma give you a nine out a ten!!” Lightbulb beams, holding up her hands, ond finger bent.

   “soo.. I got eightteen points?” Paintbrush asks, giving the judges a confused look. Once they give Paintbrush a 'yes’, they hum and walk backstage.

   Once they enter the room, Mephone turns to Nickel and motions for him to go onto stage. Nickel quickly gets up and hurries to the stage.

   Before anyone says anything, Nickel quickly lowers the mic stand to fit his height, letting out a small huff.

   “Hey Nickel! What are you going to sing?” Baseball asks, giving him a small wave and a smile while ignoring Trophys mocking comment about Nickels height. Lightbulb also waves to him, but she was a lot more energetic.

   “uh, Im gonna be singing Hallelujah by Pentatonix” Nickel responds, lightly rocking on the balls of his feet and strumming one of his guitars strings.

   “Alll Righty-do! You may commence singing!” Lightbulb Declares extending her arms as if she was presenting him something.

   Nickel nods before starting to play his guitar. After four beats of pretty notes he starts singing.

                                 “Well I heard there was a secret cord.

                             that David played and it pleased the lord.

                          But you don’t really care for music, do ya~?”

  Almost everyone stares in awe, most people gasping as well. Some, mainly the women, can feel their eyes tearing up. His voice is beautiful. Like an angel. Deep like his normal voice, extremely smooth and rich, lullaby sounding. It feels like a saint came down, straight from heaven, just to sing for them.

   Baseball only smiles lovingly.

                         “Well, it goes like this, The fourth The Fifth.

                                   The minor fall, The major Lift~.

                           The baffled king composing Hallelujah~!”

  A couple of the contestants who had tears in their eyes previously start sobbing. Mephone, Toilet, Paintbrush even Mepad, who doesnt have emotions, feels completely silenced due to how incredible Nickels singing is. Everyone feels the cant do anything; They’ve been completely mentally broken due to the gorgeous singing, unable to do anything else but stare in awe, cry, and mutter swears.                                               

                                                  “Hallelujah

                                                   Hallelujah.

                                                  Hallelujah.

                                               Hallelu~ujah.”

  Nickel takes a soft breath in, opening his eyes slightly to look at the ground. He shuts them again. After four more beats, He starts to sing again.

                            “Your faith is strong, but you needed proof.

                                   You saw her bathing, on the roof.

                        Her beauty, in the moonlight, overthrew you~.”

                                 “She tied you to, The kitched chair~!

                       She Broke Your Throne, And she Cut Your Hair~!

               AND FROM YOUR LIPS SHE DREW THE HA~ALLELUJAH!”

                                                    “Hallelujah.

                                                    Hallelujah.

                                                   Hallelujah.

                                                Hallelu~ujah.”

  Nickel relaxes more as he lets the song flow and the notes come naturally. Baseball seems to be the only one whos not paralyzed by the sheer amazingness of Nickels singing and just basks in the beauty of his voice, most likely because he has heard Nickel sing before.     

                                 “Baby I’ve, been here before.

                           Ive seen this room, and ive walked this floor.

                             I used to live alone before i know you~.”

                         “And ive seen your flag, on the marble arch~!

                                And Love Is No~t A Victory March~!

                      ITS A COLD AN ITS A BROKEN HA~ALLELUJAH!!”

  Nickel takes in an unnoticable breath.

                                                  “Ha~allelujah.

                                                     Hallelujah.

                                                     Hallelujah.

                                                 Hallelu~uJA~AH!”

  Everyones eyes, minus Baseballs obviously, widen as some peoples eyes move to cover the open mouths, amazed at the sudden shift from extremely powerful to soft.

                                                                      “Maybe there’s, a god above.

                               But all I’ve e~ver learned from love.

                         Is how to shoot somebody, who outdrew you.”

                           “And Its Not A Cry~ That You Hear At Night.

                       ITS NOT SOMEBODY, WHOSE SEEN THE LIGHT~!

                     ITS A COLD AND IS A BRO~KEN HA~ALLELUJAH!”

  Final stretch. Nickel furrows his eyebrows as he gets more and more emotionally into the song.

                                                   “Hallelujah.

                                                     Hallelujah.

                                                     Hallelujah.

                                                 Hallelu~uJAH~!”

                                                  “HALLELUJAH!

                                                  HALLELUJAH!

                                                  HALLELUJAH!

                                               HALLELU~UJAH!

                                               "HALLELUJAH!

                                               !HALLELUJAH!

                                              !HALLELUJAH!

                                              HALLELU~Ujah~”

  After Nickels voice fades from loud to soft to nothing, the only noise left is the final four beats of the song. Everyone stares at Nickel, utterly astonished and unable to bring themselves to do anything but gape at him. The ones crying continue to sob.

   The only thing that snaps everyone out of their trance is Baseball clapping. Soon, once everyone comes to their senses, everyone else joins in. Nickel stares at them, concerned and slightly flustered.

   “T-That was BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!” Lightbulb cries, sobbing violently. Baseball glances and her, then back to Nickel with a concerned smile.

   After Lightbulb shouts, all of the contestants, minus Baseball, began to scream compliments about how amazing his voice sounds and questions along the lines of 'Why havent you sang to us sooner?’ and 'Can you sing to us more?’.

   Nickel winces and backs up with uncomfortable look on his face, trying to get away from the loud group of people.

   “uh.. I think you guys should quiet down. We need to give Nickel his score” Baseball says to the crowd, looking back to them with a concerned look on his face. When the crowd quiets down, Nickel lets out a relaxed sigh and moves back to his spot behind the microphone.

   “So..uh, what score did i get” Nickel asks, strumming his guitar quietly.

   “Ten! your singing is incredible!” Baseball says, happy and loving smile on his face.

   He turns to lightbulb, expecting her to say something, but he is met with the girl agressivly trying to rub tears out of her eyes. She stops after a couple of seconds, blinking with wide eyes, before letting out a relieved sigh.

   “Dude, bro, your voice is unreal!” Lightbulb exclaims, a large grin on her  tear stained face “-I would give you a thousand if i could, but sadly im only able to give you a ten”

   “Ok, i got a twenty” Nickel verifies. Before he can turn to walk backstage, Mephone appears, with Paintbrush, next to him.

   “The Grand Slams win! By two points.” Mephone announces, ignoring the suprised stares from the past contestants.

   “You guys can go and do whatever, now” Mephone instructs, waving his hand while walking off the stage.

   Everyone stars getting up and walking back to the hotel, some stopping to stretch their legs. Nickel and Paintbrush walk offstage, Nickel stopping to put his guitar back in its case. Some of the people walking back to the hotel talk about how stunning Nickels voice is and why he would hide it.

   Baseball waits for Nickel to come and walk back to the hotel with him. Once he sees Nickel quickly walking towards him, his guitar case strapped on his back, Baseball smiles and waves to him.

   “Hi Baseball.” Nickel says, walking with the tall man back to the hotel. Baseball responds with a friendly hello. They talk as they walk back to the hotel together. Once their both situated back in the hotel, and Nickel has put his guitar down in a corner somewhere, Baseball hands of his jacket, as promised.

   “I feel like i messed up when i let you convince me to sing” Nickel muses, not not moving from where he sits, leaning against Baseball while he read.

   “What do you mean?” Baseball asks, turning from his book in favor of looking at the smaller male in confusion.

   “Everyones probably gonna ask be to sing constantly.” Nickel mutters, furrowing his eyebrows, crossing his arms, and letting himself fall down so he is now laying across Baseballs lap.

   Baseball lets out an understanding sigh as he begins to run one of his hands up and down Nickels back, returning to his book.

  "Your singing voice is really pretty, so i wouldnt be suprised.“ Baseball says calmly, "But if it annoys you, you can tell them to stop”. Nickel flips onto his back and looks up at him. Baseball stares softly at Nickel and gives him a nice smile.   “Yea, but their just gonna ask why, and if they dont ask why their gonna say 'But you have such a good singing voice’ and other annoying shit” Nickel whines.

   “If they ask why or ask you anything like what you described, you can just tell them you dont want to sing. And if they keep bugging you then ill step in and Tell them that you dont want to sing” Baseball offers, opening his arm as Nickel sits up again, wrapping is around his waist.

   After Baseball says that, Nickel utters a soft 'Thank you’ as he relaxes and gently burries his face against the formers chest. Baseball goes back to reading his book.

///

THIS IS SO GOOD??!?!? ajhgiusdhfkjdsf i love this crow you’re a blessing....love these babeys ksajdhgkjdgj

[stoopsbookstore]

The Wolf (Chapter 4)

Warnings - Vomit, Attack on two characters, Death, A single gunshot

“The Alpha?! What do you mean the Alpha? I’m the Alpha.”

Taeyong watched the guardian pace around the room, her robe swishing in her haste, Yuta throwing up onto the floor. The guardian searched for a book, her silence freaking Taeyong out. She spotted the bounded papers in a dusty corner of a shelf that hadn’t been touched in centuries. The covered lady signaled for Taeyong to come over to the table in the middle of the room.

“You may be the Alpha of your clan, but you are just a bunch of misfit wolves, thrown aside when your pack thought you were good for nothing, horrible ner-do-wells. This is the Alpha of the Indigo pack,” she flipped the pages, “this book says he’ll be back if someone summons him. He will very difficult to kill, he can survive stabs and shots. You’ll need a rare form of wolfs bane and a special silver, but I will tell you more later. You two need to go back and move your pack as soon as possible.”

Taeyong thanked the lady, helping Yuta to his face before heading home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day at classes, Jisung and Y/N were inseparable, to the point where Y/N actually skipped her classes to wait outside her step-brother’s classes. In her English class, Yuta had noticed she wasn’t there, concerned about the girl.

“Yuta, what’s up?” Jaehyun nudged him, breaking out of his trance of looking at the empty seat.

“That girl I bumped into isn’t here.”

“Didn’t she give you her number?”

Yuta mentally punched himself, he completely forgot about that. He flipped through his notebook to find the small piece of paper, dialing the number into his phone and texting it.

is this Y/N? please tell me this is Y/N

Yes... who’s asking?

Its Yuta, the guy who bumped into you. Im sorry for just texting you, my life is a bit crazy right now lol

This is going to be insane but can we hang out??

Umm... yea, sure I guess. You know my step-brother Jisung right?

He’s your stepbrother?! oh wow... he’s a really good kid

so that means Mr. Shindong is your stepfather

yea. Do you think you can get me the notes for today? 

Im also having a bit of a crazy life, I had to skip to watch Jisung

Cant get them from Mr. Shindong?

No, because it would possibly show favoritism if someone called foul 

Alright no problem are you busy tonight i could bring them over and we can hang out then

That would actually be perfect, you have no idea

cool, ill see you then. I have to go, cant get in trouble or else Mr. Shindong will get mad at me see you later tonight :)

Y/N looked up from her phone, Jisung in front of her holding a bunny in a cage. The bunny was asleep, the boyish smile emitting from Jisung was contagious enough that anyone who walked by would smile along with him.

“Jisung, what the hell is that?”

“‘I’m in charge of watching the class pet this week,” Jisung announced, “I figured it would be a great distraction from everything that’s been going on. His name is Bambi.”

“Your class realizes that Bambi was the deer and Thumper was the rabbit, right?” Y/N stood up, throwing her bag over her shoulder and walking with her step-brother, “since you had a surprise, I have one. Yuta’s coming over tonight.”

“Really? Why?”

“There is a chance we may be mates and we’re just going to see if it’s true. You have to remember, just because you’re three quarters of a wolf, I’m only a fourth. I don’t get any signals to who my mate is, I just have to try according to my mom.”

“Our mom.”

“Yes, our mom.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Y/N! Your friend’s here! Just one moment.”

Leann stood at the door, Yuta holding his hands behind his back, waiting for his classmate to greet him.

“You must be the Yuta Y/N talked about.”

“Did she tell you?”

“Yes. My mother was a part of the Indigo clan so I knew it was just a matter of time before this would start happening. Are you and your friends okay?”

Yuta realized she must not have known that Jisung was taken into the pack, assuming Shindong tried to suppress the wolf urge, “yeah, we’re fine. It’s a bit hard to keep track of all of us, but we’re managing to stay in touch, calls every morning and night to make sure we made it.”

“That’s goo-”

“Yuta, hey,” Y/N appeared in the hallway leading to the door, “thanks Mom.”

Leann walked away, Y/N shutting the door behind her, leaving the two on the ornate porch.

“Mr. Shindong, I guess, doesn’t want me inside?”

“Even though he’s half wolf himself, he doesn’t want to possibly attract the Indigo clan.”

“He’s half wol-”

“His mom. He doesn’t like to talk about it, he only told me because of the poten-”

“Potential of us being mates?”

“Yeah.”

Y/N let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding, Yuta looking at the ground, feeling uneasy. The breeze flowing between them cool, the night starting to darken the sky. They didn’t see Leann, Shindong and Jisung sitting at the window, watching the uneasy interaction.

“Should we go for a walk?” Yuta suggested.

“I’d like that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yuta and Y/N ended up walking through the nature park about 2 streets down from Y/N’s house, the pair avoiding talking about the possible relationship. They had only been classmates, just realizing they could be soulmates was an extreme jump to make. Yuta was the first to say anything, his attempt to ease the elephant in the room.

“My jackass of a friend, Ten, said if we were mates, he’d be sad because he thought you were really pretty.”

Y/N hid her laughter in her sweatshirt sleeve, “I thought he was dating Sorn or Lisa?”

“If by dating, you mean hooking up with them. He’s actually found his mate, that girl from Psych 221, fuck what’s her name? Umji?”

“Oh yeah, I know her. She’s a wolf?”

“Heads up,” Yuta leaned closer to Y/N for dramatic effects, “like 90 percent of this town is a wolf or has wolf blood in their veins.”

“Well, excuse me, I’ve only lived here for a year, I wasn’t expecting to find out all of this information. I figured I would get my degree, travel the world, have a few affairs and die in a sewer like Poe.”

Y/N and Yuta’s laughter was cut off by a growl, a pair of red eyes staring them down. Yuta’s ears popped out of his hair, the same grey from Y/N’s dream.

“Get behind me,” Y/N followed the boy’s instructions, his eyes turning into a vibrant green, his voice dropping into a husky roar, “You’re outside your bounds.”

The monster just kept stepping towards them, Y/N grabbing Yuta’s arm, another shock between the two seemed to make the wolf bark at them.

“Fuck! Run!”

The couple took off running, Yuta pulling Y/N with him as the outsider ran after them. They threw sticks and pinecones at it as often as they could, trying to keep the predator away from them.

“My house, it’s just up the street!” Y/N pointed to lit structure.

They ran up to the porch, the door opening to Jisung and Leann yelling at the two to come inside. Once they were in the safety of the mansion, Shindong came out from the dining room door, shooting the wolf point blank in the stout. Yuta shielded Y/N from looking at the bloodied canine, Leann pulling Jisung into the living room.

“You two, her room. Stay there.”

Shindong ordered them into Y/N’s room, Yuta walking up the steps behind Y/N, the stairwell quiet except for her stepfather’s grunts of struggling. Opening the door to her room, Yuta was surprised at how much it looked like a small apartment. A mini-fridge, a table, some counter space, a small living room and then through a half wall, her bedroom with a bay window.

“Y/N, are you alright?”

“Would you like some tea?”

It was like the past hour didn’t help, Y/N went quiet, walking to the small kitchenette and putting some water in the teapot. Yuta reached out to Y/N, touching her arm and getting a small shock. He didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable, but he knew the truth now. They were mates, and it seemed like she knew as well, aggressively turning on the oven top, a black cloud hanging out her head.

He engulfed in a hug as she began to sob, the weight on her shoulder crashing down and turning around in Yuta’s arms to cry. The wolf boy picked Y/N up like she was a piece of paper and walked her over to her bed. Yuta rubbed her back, her cries filling the room. Leann had walked in, noticing the teapot whistling, checking on the lovers, her heart breaking at the sight of her daughter in emotional distress.

After Leann left, Yuta tilted Y/N’s head, staring at her bloodshot eyes. They could feel the other’s emotion, Yuta felt pissed over the betrayal, Y/N felt anxious over the sudden changes. Yuta noticed Y/N had started to fall asleep, her breath stabilizing as he reached for the clicker on the nightstand. Turning on the TV, he kept repeating four words into Y/N’s ear, hoping that she’ll hear it in her sleep.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

[bel0vedmendes]

What Keeps You Up

Shawn X Reader

Warnings: Kinda spicy at some points (nothing crazy) Super Fluffy. Language.

Description: Written from Shawn & Y/N’s perspective. Inspired by the song What Keeps You Up at Night by Dan + Shay. Shawn and Y/N meet briefly at a party, and from that point forward their drawn to each other. Constantly wondering if its too good to be true, can they make it work?

A/N: I wrote this awhile ago on my previous account, originally I had it separated into 5 parts, I decided to merge them and give it a different ending. I love this, but I've lost all motivation for this story so I made it into one long imagine. Enjoy!

NOT MY GIF

SHAWNS POV

 Whenever I came home I tried my hardest to be as normal as possible. I tried to say yes to as many invites as I could. So when I found myself at this random party with a few of my friends, I could only really be mad at myself. I really just wanted to go home. There were a lot of girl trying to get my attention, which normally I would love if I was in the mood. They were all trying to talk to me and I really only came to the party to hang out with my friends, but again, my fault. 

 I saw her sitting in the corner of the room, her friends were including her in a conversation that she was definitely not interested in. She was really pretty, but she wasn’t trying. I immediately noticed her sweatshirt, It had the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital Logo screen printed on the front. She wore it with ripped skinny jeans and converse. Her face matched mine, she looked like she was regretting her decision to come too. I thought about going and talking to her, but I didn’t really know what to say. Before I could come up with anything I was cornered by a group of girls. I started to talk to them, but they were so ordinary. They all wanted pictures, so I obliged. Then they would try saying things to impress me. which really just annoyed me more. I found myself nodding and half listening to what they were saying and half trying to figure out how the hell to get out of it.

As I was plotting my escape, I felt a soft tug at my hoodie.  I turned around, and it was the girl with the Greys sweatshirt.

“Hey, can I borrow you for a second?” She pushes herself in front of the group of girls, she turns to them scrunching her face as she apologizes. “Sorry girls, I really need to talk to him about something important.”

They looked super confused, but they all backed away. I just went with it, “Sorry, guys.” I said as I followed the mystery girl.

She walked out the front door and kept walking, and for whatever reason, I felt compelled to follow her.

She finally stopped and turned around when she reached the street. She smiled at me and then looked behind me, and nodded. Silently telling me no one had followed.

“What… uh… what did you need to tell me?” I scrunched my eyebrows together and pushed my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie.

“Oh…nothing.” She giggled “You just really looked like you needed a breather, and your buddies were not about to leave that beer pong table.” She rambles “ I was on my way out so I thought I could help.” She nodded smiling at me.

I smiled back.

“Uhm, Im Shawn.” I said rubbing the back of my neck.

“I… know that.” She tilted her head, I assume it was her way of calling me an idiot without have to really say it.

“I’m Y/N” she walked towards me and went to shake my hand.

I took it and I think I held onto it a little longer than I should have.

“Well Shawn, it was lovely to meet you, but I have a hot date with my bed.” She giggled as she started to dig for her car keys in her purse. She started to blush, she didn’t seem nervous but maybe she was struggling with what to say too.

“Hmm, you sure you don’t want to stay and talk for a little bit?” I muttered, I wish it sounded as confident as it did in my head.

She smiled and then audibly sighed. I shifted awkwardly, that wasn’t a great sign.

“I do… but, I cant tonight.” She stuttered, she looked like she really did want to.

“Sure, you’ve got that hot date with your bed, I understand.” I smiled at her, not wanting her to feel bad. She laughed, a real belly laugh and it was one of the best things I had heard in awhile. I really liked hearing her laugh.

“I actually have to be at work in…” She paused to look at the time on her phone, her eyes widening as she realized what time it was. “6 hours.” Her face shriveled in disgust.

“Okay well at least let me walk you to your car?” I asked and she nodded as we started to walk down the street.

“What am I going to do about those girls though? My hero is leaving me.”

“You’re a big boy Shawn,” She laughs “But just in case…” She held out her hand my phone, I unlocked it and handed it to her.

I watched her put her name and number in my phone...

She handed it back to me.

“If it gets to crazy, and your boys fail once again. I’m really good at fake phone calls too.” She winked at be before opening the door to her car.

“I owe you.” I nodded to her.

“Yeah… you do.” She smirked at me before closing the door to her car and driving away.

I stood there for awhile just thinking about the last five minutes. I wanted to text her right then and there, but I knew that would look desperate. After that I decided to say goodbye to my friends and head home myself.  I was definitely going to text her tomorrow, I needed a plan.

________________________________________________________________

(Y/N) POV

As I drove away from the party, I watched Shawn in my rear view mirror as I drove away. Quickly glancing at my phone in the passengers seat to see if he was the type of guy to text me right away. No text. I figured that’s how it would be.

 As I drove, I started to get nervous. What if I fucked up? What if I had one opportunity to make an impression on Shawn and that was it?

I sighed rethinking everything I had said to him. Feeling my cheeks heat up at the fact that I told him I had a date with my bed. Why the fuck did I say that. That’s the lamest shit I’ve ever said in my entire life. He thought it was funny though, right? Im pretty sure he knew I was joking. God I hope he knew I was joking.

 I pulled into my apartment complex, parking in the spot that was meant for me. I got out of my car and started to head up to the third floor. Still unable to stop thinking about our interaction.

 I felt like I had left him wanting more. I scoffed out loud at the thought. Me… leaving Shawn Mendes wanting more. I played it cool the entire time I was talking to him, when in reality I was overthinking everything I said. The more I thought about the situation the more I realized, that my intention truly was to rescue him from the awkward situation those girls put him in.

I mean, sure, He’s an international rock star and I’m sure he loves the attention most of the time. Tonight, however, It seemed that he really just wanted to be Shawn, not rock star Shawn, and I wanted to give that to him.

 As I got into my pajamas and got into bed, I plugged my phone in to charge.  

I continue to over analyze everything I said to him, until I heard my phone’s message  alert ring from my night stand.

 UNKNOWN: Hey, Hero.

I sat up quickly staring at my screen, smiling from ear to ear.

My fingers ghosting the screen debating on texting back, or waiting until the morning. As I debate three periods pop up dancing on the screen, telling me that he had more to say.

UNKNOWN: I’m sure you’re sleeping… but I just wanted to say thank you.

UNKNOWN: I really do owe you. I’d love to take you out.

UNKNOWN: text me tomorrow. xx

My heart was beating so hard, I could hear it. I read the messaged once more, to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. I set my phone back onto the nightstand, turning on my side.

I was going to go out with Shawn. I couldn’t believe this.

________________________________________________________________

Y/N POV

 I woke up at the unholy hour of 6 am. Reading through the text messages over and over again.

So many different images played out in my head. Where we would go on our first date. If he would kiss me. Would I kiss him? I put all the thoughts aside and decided that I would text him when I left work at noon. I got up and got dressed for work and headed on my way.

 Work dragged on. I tried my hardest not to think about him, and what I wanted to say, but it was nearly impossible. I finally left work at 12 on the dot and started to drive home.

I sat down at my kitchen table with my phone in front of me. Typing out a response then quickly deleting it because it wasn’t right. Finally deciding on 3 simple words.

I’d like that.

I sent it. I felt like it should be simple. I watched my phone for a few minutes. Then I decided to take a shower, which turned into me standing under the scolding hot water, wondering if he had responded yet. Once I got out I made a bee line to my phone praying to see a message from him.

 UNKNOWN: So, what do you have going on tonight?

I squealed, holy fucking shit, this was not happening. I started to type a response and as I did, he started to say something else.

 UNKNOWN: There’s another party tonight, maybe I could pick you up and we could go together?

I sighed, not like I didn’t want to go with him to a party, I just hoped it would be him and I.

 Sure, that sounds good. What time should I be ready?

 UNKNOWN: 8pm?

 I wanted to say.. how about now? I internally groaned thinking about waiting until 8 pm to see him. How anxious I would be the entire day.

 Sounds good! :)

 I pressed send, wondering if we would keep texting or if he would just wait until tonight. I wondered if he was just as eager as me, or if this was a normal thing for him.

I decided to change his name in my phone, and that was a surreal feeling.

 SHAWN: Can’t wait to see you. xx

 I sent my phone down, smiling so hard my cheeks started to hurt. I wanted to call all of my friends and tell them what was happening. I wanted to shout it from the roof tops!

I didn’t though. Not until I knew for sure what was going on between us.

I decided to take a nap until I had to get up and get ready to leave.

_____________________________________________________

 Shawn's POV

 I was up around 7 am, walking around my condo aimlessly. I had hoped she would have responded already, but I figured she would wait until a little later.

 I went to the gym, played around with my guitar for a few hours, and went to lunch with Brian.

I know she said she had work, but I was really starting to worry that she wasn’t into it. She seemed like she might be last night, but she also really seemed to just be a nice person. Maybe she was just being nice and I was the one being super forward.

 Just as I got back home from lunch, my phone went off.

 Y/N(your hero): I’d like that.

Oh fuck, okay. So what do I ask her to do, and how soon is too soon. Brian told be about another party tonight, maybe I could take her there so she wouldn’t feel awkward. Or would that make things more awkward?

 I decided to ask her to be my date to the party, and she agreed. I relaxed a little because it seemed that she really didn’t care what we did. I told her I would pick her up at 8, and immediately wished I had said an earlier time. I was so anxious to talk to her, to get to know everything about her.

 I thought about texting her until I picked her up, but I really wanted to get to know her in person first. I felt like she would appreciate that. So I put my phone away and played on my guitar for a few more hours until I got ready to pick her up.

 _______________________________________

Y/N POV

 I woke up from my nap way too early. I couldn’t sleep, I was too excited. I decided to do my hair first. I stood in front of the mirror, realizing that it was fine the way it was. My hair was naturally wavy and I really didn’t have the desire to curl it or straighten it. I took my curling wand and put a few waves in a couple strands that weren’t cooperating then sprayed it with a coconut scented styling spray.

I laughed to myself looking at the clock, that literally only took ten minutes. I decided to sit down and do my makeup, once again realizing that this wasn’t something I usually did.

I put on a light foundation, and a little bit of bronzer and blush and some mascara that made my eyelashes look really good. Then I was done. Only 15 minutes.

 I decided to watch some Greys Anatomy until 7:30 when I would put my dress on. It was a simple little black dress. It was fitted around my chest and it flared out around my hips. Nothing crazy, I didn’t want to look or act like something I wasn’t. Of course I second guessed myself a million times, wondering if that’s what he wanted me to do.

 7:30 rolls around before I know it, and I get a text from Shawn asking for my address. My heart pounding out of my chest as I type it into to little box.

 SHAWN: I should be there soon. xx

I quickly text back

Okay, Let me know when you’re here.

 I quickly throw on my dress, scrunch my fingers through my hair, and touch up my mascara and lip gloss. He text me as soon as I was sliding my white converse on my feet.

 I got into the elevator of my apartment, and as the doors closed. I took a deep breath in. Reminding myself that he was just like me. We were normal, and this was our first date. Just be myself. I walked out of the building, spotting the jeep that was right in front of the main lobby of my apartment. I took one more deep breath and walked towards him, and damn did he look good.

 Tight black skinny jeans, boots, and a simple maroon button up. He looked way more dressed up than last night. I silently thanked god I decided on the dress and not something simple like the night before. He smiled at me and I smiled back as he opened up the passenger side door for me.

______________________________________________________

Shawn’s POV:

 She looked so good. I couldn’t stop staring at her. She looked like something out of a dream. Her hair was down, flowing around her shoulders with soft waves. I could tell that it was natural. She barely had makeup up on, her eyelashes looked so long, when she would look down they would brush against her cheeks. Her lips were pink like her cheeks, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to kiss them. Her dress, good god, this dress. Simple and black but it hit her in all the right places. 

 The original plan was to go to a party. So that’s what we’re dressed for, a party. When I picked her up and she started walking to my Jeep, I started to get jealous. She looked so beautiful, there was no way I was sharing this with anyone else. Not tonight, at least. 

It’s been awhile since I’ve felt this way about someone, but there was something different about the way I felt this time around.  Ever since I asked her out, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I needed to make sure she couldn’t stop thinking about me too.  

  I watch her turn the radio volume down, snapping me out of my trance. 

I hear her giggle, and I quickly look at her. She’s slightly pivoted in her seat watching me, I smile scrunching my eyebrows together. 

“What?” I ask

“Are you... are you good?” She laughs at me. 

“What do you mean? Of course I’m good.” It came off a bit cocky, and that’s definitely not how I wanted to sound. 

  I look at her again and she’s pressing her lips together to keep from laughing I assume. 

“Okay. I’m glad you’re good.” She spoke turning forward in her seat. 

I nodded. 

God why couldn’t I just talk to her. I never got nervous around girls. That’s how I knew she was different. 

“So...” I cleared my throat “maybe we could, just hang out tonight?” I asked her 

I watched her cock her head confused from my peripherals. 

“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” She chuckled 

I laughed. I’m seriously an idiot. 

“Yes, but I mean just me and you. Maybe not go to the party. I mean unless you want to. Either way. It’s fine.” I rambled on. 

 “Don’t wanna be seen with me... ahh, sure I don’t care.” She smiles at me 

“No! That’s not it at all, I just... I want to get to know you. Ya know?” 

“Oh, so you want to get into my pants? I see.” She nods her head, biting her lip. 

My eyes widen and as soon as I start to defend myself, she starts laughing so hard. 

Her hand finds my forearm and squeezes it, “Shawn, we can go wherever you want.” She says softly, “ And hey...” she waits for me to look. “Calm down, okay?” She smiles. 

That smile did things to me. It cured every ounce of nervousness, anxiousness, and doubt I had ever had. 

After that, I knew I had to make her mine. 

_____________________________________________________

 Y/N  POV

He was insanely nervous. It was honestly the most adorable thing. I wanted to tell him, Its okay, I'm nervous too! I couldn’t though. I needed to seem like I was confident, that’s what he seemed to be attracted too so far.

 He was so intense, driving. I kept looking over at him as his fingers tapped against the stirring wheel. He was looking at his GPS and the roads were getting darker and darker. We had been driving for about 30 minutes, and I was starting to get anxious.

 As soon as I thought it, his voice comes over the music.

“Its this really pretty spot, I used to go to all the time growing up. I’ve just never driven there in the dark, but we should be there soon.” He smiles at me

And I smiled back.

“A really pretty spot where you… hide dead bodies?” I asked with a joking tone, trying not to laugh.

“Yep totally.” He rolls his eyes laughing. “I really didn’t think you’d catch on so quickly.” He says sarcastically. We laugh joking about the sketchiness of the situation, he was fully aware of how it looked.

When we finally pulled up, he was right, it was gorgeous.

It was this huge cliff that jutted out and over looked the city. Tons of sparkly lights dancing, and the stars above us were bright as can be. It was so simple but so breathtaking.

 He came over to open my door, taking my hand as he helps me out of the jeep. I hop down and he reaches into his backseat and rummages around until he finds a blanket. I watch him as he walks to the front of the jeep, and throws the blanket on the hood. He takes my hand nodding to the blanket and I laugh as I jump up onto the hood of the car, and he follows my lead.

 We sat there for awhile not saying anything, just looking at the view. The warmth of the jeeps engine was slowly leaving, and the wind started to feel colder than it did minutes ago. Shawn instantly noticed when I started to shiver. He hopped off of the hood and went to grab something from the jeep, coming back with a bottle of red wine, and a hoodie, that said YOUTH on the front.

He hopped back up and handed me the hoodie, I smiled at him, before throwing it on over my dress.

It smelled so good.

“You look gorgeous tonight.” He said softly. His arm was brushing up against mine, I looked up at him as I took his arm and put it around my shoulders. He was so warm.  

“You look pretty handsome yourself, Mendes.” I smirked looking up at him, to find him staring down at me.

 I watched his eyes flick from my eyes, down to my bottom lip that was stuck between my teeth.

I inhaled deeply, facing forward.

“21 questions. You go first.” I blurt out, leaning back smirking while I watch his eyebrows raise, thinking of a question.

“Okay, uhm, where are you from?” He asks facing me.

I explained where I moved from, and why I did. He seemed genuinely intrigued.

Okay, my turn.

“What makes you happy?” I said quietly.

You can tell a lot about someone when they talk about what brings them joy.

 We spent the next hour laying there on the hood of his jeep, drinking red wine straight from the bottle. We talked about everything from which episode of Greys made us the most emotional, to the things that make us feel insecure. In just a few minutes of talking to him, my confident façade when out the window. He made me want to confide in him. Something about his presence made me weak, it made me want to be vulnerable. So I was, and so was he. It was beautiful, really.

 There are a lot of things about this night Ill remember. Like the way his face lit up when he talked about his family and his fans, and his genuine love for them. The way his eyes got sad and his cheek quivered when I told him some of my darker times in life. The tone in his voice when he told me what my worth was.  This boy didn’t even really know me, but he did at the same time. He knew me inside out. 

__________________________________________

 Shawn’s  POV

Red wine always helps a little bit. She looked so good in my hoodie. I wanted to scoop her up and hold her tight, and kiss her until I couldn’t anymore.

 We started to play 21 questions. Eventually it turned into us just spilling our guts about everything in our lives up until that point. I want to blame the wine, but I don’t think that’s why.

I was comfortable and she was too. We could have told each other everything without second guessing it. She was insecure about her body, and her personality. I wanted to find whoever made her feel that way and kick their ass.

 “I just, wish I was more confident you know? I wish was confident enough to do all of the things I want to do. I second guess myself so much.” She bit the inside of her cheek as she stared out.

“I wish I was prettier.” She mumbled quietly. She looked down watching her hands fidgeting with each other. “I don’t think I’m ugly, but I just wish there was something WOW about me. Im so ordinary.”

She said, like she had thought it a million times.

I took my hand pulling her chin up to look at me.

“There is nothing ordinary about you.” I whispered, staring at her so she would believe me. She needed to believe me. She shook her head and quietly laughed, and she tried to look away but I pulled her face back to mine.

“You have wowed me more times than I can count, and this is only the first night we’ve hung out.” I smiled at her. “Everything about you is stunning. You need to know that.” I said looking down at her lips and back up to her eyes.

“Do you hear me, Y/n?” my eyes widened, ”I need you to know that.”

She softly nodded, I could tell by the look in her eyes, that this was the first time someone had made her feel worthy. She was though, she deserved to be told how amazing she was every single day.

 Before I knew what was happening her lips were on mine. Slow and passionate all at once. She pulled back, biting her lip and looking at me as he thumb brushed my cheek bone as she held my face.

 “Thank you.” She whispered, lightly kissing me once again.  

____________________________________________

Shawn's POV

The next morning I woke up with a permanent smile plastered on my face. Everyone around me could tell that I was in a good mood. Everyone also knew that it was because of a girl, but I still lied and told them I was just having a good day.

I couldn’t get her off of my mind. I had never in my life talked to a girl like her. I wanted to text her as soon as I got up to make plans. I waited until around 10 am, after I went to the gym. I decided to call her.

My heart pounded as the phone rang, waiting for her to pick up. The longer I waited for her to pick up the more I wished I would have texted her. Finally just as I was about the hit the red button on the screen, she answered.

“Hi there.” She spoke, I smiled instantly picturing her face.

“Hey! Good morning, what do you have going on today?” I blurted out, really smooth. I should have probably talked a little longer before asking her out again.

She chuckled.

“Well…” She drew out her l’s “I was going to catch up on laundry.”

“Do you need some company?”

“I would love that. I usually go to the laundromat by my apartment. I could meet you there?”

“Okay! That works, just text me the address.”

“Deal, Bye Shawn.” She said before hanging up. I don’t think Ill ever get used to the way my chest tightens when she said my name.

 Shortly after our call ended, she sent the address of the laundromat and told me she was headed here now. I threw my hoodie on, and a hat and left to meet her.

 I walked up to the building thankful that it wasn’t in a very populated part of town. Not that it mattered, but I really wanted to get to know her more, and not be distracted the whole time.

 I walked inside, smiling as soon as I saw her. She didn’t see me yet though. She was so entranced, it was kind of beautiful. She was humming along to the music playing over the loud speaker. Her hair in a messy bun, light makeup gracing her face. I could instantly tell that she really didn’t think about what she had on when she decided to hang out with me. That was one of the things I really liked about her. She was so real, all the time. I needed that in my life.

 I walked to where she was, she finally looked up, smiling at me as she put down the clothes she was grabbing to put in the washer. She walked up to me, holding her arms out. It wasn’t until then that I realized she still had my hoodie on. I smiled down at her as her arms wrapped around my torso, and mine around her shoulders. We hugged for what felt like a long time. I was glad that she initiated hugging me, because I desperately wanted to wrap my arms around her too.

 She let go of my waist and smiled up at me.

“Hi.” she said quietly

“Hi. That hoodie really does look good on you.” I confirmed nodding at her looking her up and down.

She backed up and fake modeled it for me, as she giggled.

“I know, I think I want to keep it.” She said shyly, biting her lip and raising her eyebrows.

I laughed, how could I tell her no.

“I think that’s a good idea.” I said nodding to her.

I instantly dove in helping her load the washer with her clothes, and getting change from the machines. Once the washers were all going, we bought an insane amount of junk food from the vending machine and sat down at a table near the machines she was using. We lucked out, we were the only ones in the entire laundromat.

“So…” she started, popping a peanut M&M into her mouth. “How long are you home for?”

I finished chewing my Twizzler… “I leave for a few European shows and press soon.” I said quietly. For the first time thinking that maybe that would be a deal breaker.

She nodded. “How soon is soon?” She smiles. 

I start to smile back until I realize that she probably isn’t going to like my answer. I know I don’t.

“I leave in four days, but Ill only be gone for a few weeks.” I try to reason already.

Her eyes instantly get sad, but she tried to cover it up with a fake smile.

“Then you come home for another week, before you leave again?” She laughs.

I scrunched my nose and nodded. I didn’t want that to be true, but it was. That was the reality of my career. A career that I loved. This was the first time that I had to think about how often I wasn’t home. I avoided relationships for this reason exactly, I knew how hard it was for the other person.

 I watched her as she got up and walked to the washer, as it was beeping, letting us know the clothes were done. She started putting them into the dryer, I walked over and started to help her. Once we had transitioned all of the clothes from the washers to the dryer she walked over to the wall nearby and leaned up against it. I slowly walked over to her. Placing one of my hands on the wall next to her head.

Then I used the other one to pull her chin up to look at me.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” I mutter.

She breathes deeply, licking her lips before she speaks.

“I just… I really like you.” She says quietly.

I smile down at her, my heart pounding at the sound of the words.

“That’s good, I really like you too.”

“Do you like a lot of girls? Because I'm not that type of girl, ya know. I know you’re a Rockstar, and a lot of girls want you but I need to be the only one. You’ll be my only one and Ill be yours.” She started to ramble.

I giggled making her stop. She scrunched her eyebrows, silently telling me that she didn’t like that.

“First of all. You are my only one, the only person I’m talking to. You’re the only person I want to talk to.” I said matter of fact. She peered up at me biting the inside of her cheek. Something I’ve noticed she does when she’s nervous or anxious. She nodded at me signaling that she understood.

“Second of all, you are so fucking cute.” I smiled down at her, she instantly stopped chewing the inside of her cheek, when she lets out a little giggle. Her hand finds my neck, and she pulls me closer to her. Her lips ghosting mine, until I lean in a centimeter fully connecting them.

She gently pushes me away from her and wipes her mouth after we had been kissing for a few minutes.

“There’s a time and a place, Mendes.” She quips as she walks towards the dryer to check the time.

I tuned around leaning against the wall she just left, watching her silently.

 She slowly walked towards me, leaning into me.

“So four days hmm?” She asked me quietly.

“Ya know, there’s a thing called face time… right? Its not like you cant talk to me while I’m away.”  I responded, my hand finding the small of her back and rubbing gentle circles.

“Yeah I know, but I like this.” She said leaning her head into my chest. I sighed loving the feeling. She felt like the piece of me that was missing, and I didn’t even know it.

“Okay. Well for the next 4 days we can do this a lot, until I get back home.” I say leaning down to kiss her head.

She nods into my chest.

We stay like that until her clothes are dry. We fold her clothes, and pack them up, then take them to her car. Once she’s ready to leave. She walks the the drivers side of her car and I follow, opening her door for her.

“So, do you have anything going on tomorrow?” I ask

She smiles at me. “What do you have in mind?”

I chuckle “Well maybe, I could make you dinner at my place?”

She raised her eyebrows. “A man that can cook? I like it. Sounds like a plan.” She smiles and nods at me.

“Okay, Ill pick you up around 6.” I tell her. She nods, and leans in to hug me. I wrap my arms around her tight. She looks up at me with soft eyes.

“Thanks for helping me with my laundry.” She giggles.

“Anytime, honey.” I leaned down to kiss her nose.

She got in her car and I waited for her to drive away, before calling my mom to beg her to make a meal for my date tomorrow. 

__________________________________________________

 Shawn’s POV

 I sliced the tomatoes as my mom started to sprinkle salt and pepper on the chicken breast.

“Okay, now we will put the basil and pesto all over the chicken, then the tomatoes then the mozzarella.” She lists. “She’s going to love it, sweetie.” She looks up at me smiling.

 I start to do as my mom tells me. I spread the seasoning all over the chicken, placing the tomatoes delicately on top of it.

“I really appreciate you coming over to help.” I said silently as she started to prepare the salad.

“Of course, dear. You seem to really like this one.” She suggests, I see her peaking at me from her peripherals gauging my reaction. I smile bigger than I intended, but when I thought about her it was instant. Then thinking about her being around my family and how much they would like her. How could I not smile thinking about that. My mom noticed I assume, because I heard her chuckle.

 “I really do. I know its crazy, I barely know her but… she’s amazing.” I nodded looking up to my mom to see her reaction.

“There’s nothing crazy about it, Shawn. When you feel something, you feel something.” She soothes, as she rubs my arm.  I smile down looking at her, silently telling her that it was exactly what I needed to hear.

After she told me how long to cook the food for and helping me set the table, and pick out the perfect bottle of wine. I helped her gather her things so I could walk her to her car.

 I pull open her door, setting her things in the passenger seat, turning around to give her a bear hug.

“Thank you so much.” I kiss her cheek.

“Of course, honey.” She said getting into her car. “I can’t wait to meet her.” She winks as she starts to pull out of my parking garage.

I head back upstairs to take a quick shower before I left to pick her up. Sending her a quick text to give her a estimate of when I would be there. 

_______________________________________

Y/N’s POV

 Giddy, I was so damn giddy. I couldn’t stop smiling, and prancing around my apartment. I was trying not to think very much about everything. I knew deep down that there was a huge possibility that this wouldn’t work. My past relationships always worked like this. I thought I knew who they were, and they turned out to be something completely different. I didn’t see that happening with Shawn. Honestly, I was already so invested that I had to take it as far as it would go. However far that may be, I didn’t know, and that scared me.

I got ready the same way I did on our first date. Loose curls, light makeup, and another simple dress. The dress is a deep plum t-shirt dress I paired it with a denim jacket and as usual my white converse.

*DING*

SHAWN: Hey gorgeous, be there in thirty.

Y/N: See you soon!

 I patiently waited for my phone to signal me that he was outside. When It finally came, I couldn’t get to his Jeep fast enough. He attempted to park and get out of the car, but I signaled to him to stay in the car    as I ran the other side of the car. I close the door behind me quickly, and buckle my seatbelt. I look over to see him smirking at me.

“I like opening the door for you.” He raises his eyebrows.

I giggle, “I like that you open the door for me.” I confirm grabbing his hand and lacing my fingers through them.

“I just really wanted to do this…” I lean over the center console and pull his face towards me and connect my lips to his rapidly. “I wanted to do that.”

“Okay…” He says taking my hand in his and bringing the back of it to his lips. “only, this time.”

 We finally pull up to his condo. I make an attempt to not look super impressed by how lavish it was. We hadn’t even made it inside yet. I obviously expected it to be insane, but this was beyond what I imagined. We rode the elevator up in silence mostly because he knew I was soaking everything in. Then we finally got to his condo, and he unlocked the door. I took a deep breath in, his view. His view was the most amazing one I had ever witnessed.

“Shawn, this view is crazy.” I say walking closer to his window overlooking the CN tower.  

“I know! That was what sold me.” He agrees.

I heard him fidgeting with the stove, I look over to see him putting the meal into the oven. He peaks up at me as I watch him.

“You can go on the balcony if you want, Ill be out in just a second.” He smiles

I slide open the door and step outside. The wind hitting me hard at first, but I adjusted quickly.  I walked close to the edge of the balcony, peering out at the beautiful Toronto skyline.

I was so hypnotized that I didn’t even hear him come outside, I only felt him as he came to stand behind me. His arms pulling me close, giving me the warmth I didn’t know I needed. I sank into him, as he rested his chin on top of my head.

“That should be done in about 40 minutes.” He whispers looking down at me as I tilt my head to look up at him.

“Okay, I’m in no hurry.” I murmur, smiling up at him.  

After a few minutes of standing there a few minutes, he guided me over to the couch on his balcony  where he had pillows and blankets everywhere.

He sat on the corner of the couch and pulled me into him with my back resting against his side. His hand finding mine and playing with my fingers.

“Do you like living here?” He asked quietly.

“I do, I love it actually.”

“You don’t miss home at all?”

I shake my head no. “I don’t really feel like home is a place. I feel like home is wherever you feel loved, or you feel happiness.” I turn to look at him.”Ya know?”

He smirks nodding in agreement.

“That’s why I don’t mind traveling so much. I love being on stage, it’s like a second home to me.” He agrees.

“I mean I miss my family sometimes, but I’ve accomplished so much being away from them.” I look away from him, feeling myself starting to get emotional. I feel his hand tighten around mine, because he notices.

“They weren’t very supportive?” He questions.

I let out a scoff. “Yeah  I guess you could say that. I love them, but they weren’t the best parents.”

“You can talk about it if you want?” He says softly kissing my temple.

I sigh, I hate talking about it but I know that he needs to know this to understand the kind of person I am.

I tell him about my childhood, and how my mom and dad were never really around much. They both worked weird hours and partied like crazy. They didn’t plan on having me, so I kind of interrupted their party years. They were so immature as I got older it turned into me being the responsible one. With money, bills, school, everything really. They didn’t take initiative on anything. They didn’t care where I  was, they didn’t care if the water bill was paid on time, they didn’t care about anything besides themselves. So I decided that when I graduated I would move, and go to college in a new city, and Toronto was my final decision.

 “I’m so sorry, honey. That had to be hard.” He soothed as his hands ran through my hair.

“Its okay, I’ve learned from it and so have my parents. It made me who I am.” I smile at him.

“I really like who you are.” He says quietly grabbing my chin to pull it to his mouth.

 We suddenly hear the ding of the timer, and he hops up from the couch rushing inside and I follow.

He takes the hot dish out of the oven with oven mits, and I chuckle at the image. There was no way he cooked this alone, he looked so out of his element, but it was adorable nonetheless.

“Need any help?” I ask with a bit of concern lacing my voice.

“Nope! Sit down, I’m gonna make your plate.” He says scooping the chicken and salad onto my plate. He places it in front of me, and it looked delicious.

“Thank you, Chef Mendes.” I peak up at him smirking at me.

He casually watches me as I cut into the food and take a bite. He visibly relaxes when I give the food the nod of approval. We both, eat  and drink our wine rather quickly. I didn’t realize how little I ate that day until I was almost done with my food. He insisted on cleaning up alone, but I didn’t listen. I helped him gather all of the dirty dishes and load the dishwasher up. The entire time he told me to stop helping and sit down and relax, I just laughed and ignored his request.

We were finally done and my dress was soaked with water from rinsing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.

“See if you would have just went and relaxed, you would be dry.” He quips, smirking at me.

“I don’t mind Shawn, really. Its just a little water.” I say calmly.

He rolls his eyes and dismisses himself for a moment, when he returns he has a pair of grey sweatpants and a pink hoodie.

“You can put these on if you want.” He hands them to me.

“Great another hoodie to steal.” I wink at him as I disappear into the bathroom.

The sweatpants hung low on my hips and were entirely too long but they were definitely comfier than the  dress. The hoodie was obviously comfy too, but most of the comfort came from the way it smelled like him. I walked out to see Shawn waiting on the couch for me, his hands making a grabby motion as I walked over to him.

“Much better.” He said pulling me onto his lap. I readjusted so that I was straddling his lap, I watched his apples Adam bob when I did this. His hands resting on my upper thighs.

“Thanks for the clothes.” I muttered while I played with the strings on his own hoodie.

“Literally, anytime. They look so fucking good on you.”

I smile at him before I lean forward, kissing his neck softly. Making a trail to his lips, where I could spend hours. We kissed for a long time, until I softly tugged his lip between my teeth and pulled away.

“We have to stop.” I giggle, wiping my mouth. I knew I was getting turned on and I knew he was too, I could feel it. He started to blush. I wrapped my arms around his neck playing with the hair on the back of his head.

“I don’t want to. Believe me, but we should.” I nod. I want him to understand that it wasn’t anything he was doing wrong.

“Of course, baby.” He says lifting me from the spot on his lap to stand while he lays down on the couch.

Once he’s comfortable he pats the area in front of him, for me to lay down. He grabs the remote. Leaning up on his elbow to see the TV.

“Harry Potter okay?” he asks not breaking contact with the tv.

“Which one?” I ask watching him closely.

“Azkaban.” He mutters.

“Best one. I approve.”

He glances down quickly, “Just when I think you can’t get any hotter.” He smirks leaning down to kiss my cheek.  He presses play and I turn away from him so were spooning. He pulls a pillow under his head so his is elevated above mine. My head resting on his right bicep. His left arm wraps around my body, sliding under my hoodie. I felt his hand pause as he realized I didn’t have a shirt on underneath. I put my hand on top of his to signal that I didn’t mind. His thumb started tracing light patterns, I instantly relax into him. We watched the movie in silence for the most part, other than both of us quoting our favorite parts when they came up.

The movie ended and I turned so that I was laying on my back next to him. He was hovering over me, lightly brushing my hair from my face. His eyes flicking from my face to my lips a few times.

“What?” I ask quietly as he stares down at me, bringing a new shade of red to my cheeks.

He finally leans down ghosting his lips on mine, we kiss slowly for a while. His lips fitting perfectly between mine. He leans back, licking his lips. His hand on my chin, thumb rubbing softly.

“Needed to do that.” He says quickly before leaning down and kissing my nose.

 I look down to find his fingers lacing my own. I love the look of it, his hand looks so good with mine. I wanted to talk about what was next. I couldn’t formulate what to say though. We had only been on two dates and I was already cuddling on his couch with him. Which was an absolutely crazy thing for me to do. I have never been that girl, why was I with him? Everything felt so natural from the get go, maybe I needed to pump the breaks. I wondered how invested he was, I hoped that he was feeling what I felt.

  Shawn’s POV

She was stunning. Lying beside me, I couldn’t help but wish that I could wake up every day to this image.

“You should stay over, its so late.” I whispered as I played with her fingers in my hand. She takes a deep breath which made me nervous.

“I have to use the restroom.” She says quickly popping up from the couch. I pointed her in the direction, wondering if I just fucked everything up because I wanted to move too fast. I sat there for a few minutes, my leg bouncing up and down nervously. She walked back into the room with a smile, which made me feel better.

“I’m all yours.” She says plopping down onto the couch.

My heart fluttered a bit, hearing her say that. God I wanted her to be.

“Good.” I confirm moving to where I was facing her on the couch.

We sat on there, her at one end, me on the other. We just stared at each other for a while. She was fidgeting with the dead skin on the side of her nail. It looked like she wanted to say something a few times.

“This is crazy.” She mutters. Taking a deep breath, she slowly looks up at me.

“Yeah.” I agreed, smirking. I could have pretended like I didn’t know what she was talking about but, I knew.

“I mean… three dates, Shawn. I-I don’t know what to think about it.” She rambles, curling her legs underneath her. Her eyes searching mine for some type of guidance. Hell I was just as freaked out by my feelings for her, but I did know that it was something special.

I adjusted in my seat, smiling at her softly.

“Well… We like each other, right?” I ask

“I mean I like you, you like me too. Right?” She scrunched her eyebrows together.

“Mhm” I nod, laughing softly at her reaction.  

“So, maybe we should slow things down?” I ask tilting my head.

She takes a deep breath in.

“I think that might help.” She mumbles.

I look past her noticing that I had UNO on my book shelf along with some other random games. I crossed the room and grabbed the box of cards, returning to the couch. She watched me curiously as I sat in front of her shuffling the cards.

“One round of UNO, then I’ll take you home?” I asked smirking at her, I wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye for the night.  If she wanted to slow things down, I would do that for her. She smirked at me as she took the cards I dealt into her hands, taking one of my throw pillows and putting it behind her back.

 “So,” She said throwing down a red skip card, then a red 8, “You leave in two days.”

“I do, you gonna miss me?” I smirked at her laying down a draw two.

She scoffed picking up two cards and hitting me with a draw four.

“So you'll be able to talk to me while you're away, right?” She said delicately. 

“Of course. Are you okay with me calling? The time difference can be annoying.”

“I mean, If you want to call, I won’t mind.”

“I want to call. I want to Facetime, I want to talk to you a lot.”

“Good.” She blushed, laying down a green 4, “Uno.” She laughed softly. She picks up the cards and starts to shuffle for another round, I guess she wasn’t ready to call it a night either.

I knew, I couldn’t live without this girl. I wanted her to be on the other end of the phone every night when I was tossing and turning. I wanted her to be waiting here for me when I got back home, and I was going to do everything to make her feel the love she deserved.

[iminlovewith-rogers-car]

"Don't tell Roger" (Maylor fic)

Part: 4/?

AO3 link - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3  -  Part 4

HOLY FUCK I CANT BELIEVE THERES 4 OF THIS SHIT

CHAPTER 4: ACTUALLY...

Roger's bed was really big, way more space than he needed, even if he had company; it was also incredibly comfortable since he made sure to get the coziest sheets and blankets, as well as about a dozen puffy pillows.

To top it all, he had recently bought silky pajamas in Japan, but he rarely wore them, given that he would always end up getting rid of his clothes during the night, he was always more comfortable wearing only his underwear, and sometimes not even that.

So considering how ridiculously planned the comfort of his bed is, its uncommon to find Rog as uneasy in bed as he was tonight. He just could not go to sleep, no matter how tired he undoubtedly was nor how inviting his bed could be.

"Alright what about... 'Hey Bri, I...' I what? I like you? No no no I can't just throw it at him like that... What if I just kiss him? No that's... That's fucking harassment for sure... Ugh," he threw his arms over his face. Rog had been trying to find the "best way" to tell Brian for a few hours now, he was lying in bed trying to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes a new possibility came to mind.

"But if he is mad at me now... Then I should probably approach him and let him speak right?" He had apparently found his "best way" (which unsurprisingly was to just have a normal conversation, and see where it went)

Roger tried his best to block out every related thought, or else he wouldn't get any sleep at all, it was too hard, but he was actually exhausted, so he finally fell asleep around 3:00 am.

~~~

The indescribably annoying noise of his analogue alarm clock would often scare Roger, just a little. When he bought his alarm clock, Rog made sure to choose the one with the most annoying sound he could find, because he wanted to make sure there was no chance he'd oversleep; and when he brought it home, he decided to place it a little far from his bed and not on his nightstand, this way he would have to get up to stop the terrible sound. Many missed courses on college got him to develop these little waking up strategies.

8:00 am. He sucked at waking up, he was almost incapable of waking up before noon if he was to do so naturally; and he usually didn't need to worry about it, since the band wouldn't meet at the studio before 4:00 pm, given that they soon realized that being half asleep while crafting musical masterpieces wasn't exactly working, so they had all agreed to take the mornings to themselves; unless of course they had a deadline, a concert coming up, or any kind of important situation that demanded some more of their time. After all, they weren't amateurs anymore, they were rockstars, and music wasn't a hobby anymore, it was a full time job.

Today they were recording a couple of songs, and a concert was coming up soon... So, yes, today was one of those days when they needed to dedicate some extra time to their music, so they decided to meet at the studio around 10:00 am.

For John, 10:00 am is late enough; he's used to waking up at 6:00 am, working out a little, taking a shower, having breakfast with Veronica and chilling for a while, so, naturally, he'd be perfectly awake at 10:00, (but of course, this meant he'd usually be sleepy by 9:30 pm)

Brian too was okay with waking up early, he wasn't particularly eager to it though, since he'd usually stay up late observing constellations as well as the moon and stars movements with his telescope. When he started making some real money, the first thing he bought for himself was a brand new professional telescope, and he didn't waste any opportunity to use it. Still, he was way too used to waking up naturally around 8:00 am, as he had to back when he was in college, so he was often a little tired in the morning.

Freddie was not as much of an early bird as John and Brian but he would manage, he loved waking up late, it reminded him of the days at boarding school and how much he wished he didn't have to wake up at 6:00 am every single day, and now that he was an adult and could choose his own schedule thanks to his dream job, he wasn't gonna miss the chance to fullfil this innocent and too-usual childhood wish.

Roger was the biggest night owl out of the four of them. If he wasn't with Freddie partying, watching a movie, or just talking, he was at home reading until around 2:00 am or even later, watching a movie on his own, or just enjoying the night at home in any way he could imagine; sometimes he'd just lay in bed thinking about life, about things that were bothering him, or about how much he loved his new life; he considered himself very lucky to be where he was, and he never forgot how hard he worked (and still did, possibly more than ever) to get every opportunity he encountered along the way.

~~~

When the alarm clock started its hellish performance, Rog was comfortably asleep, cuddled up and surrounded by warm blankets and pillows. His eyes were now suddenly wide open, and he growled as he made his way to the clock. He considered throwing it out the window and going back to bed, but when he thought of the consequences of not showing up he chose otherwise. Slowly running his fingers through his messy blonde hair he made his way over to the bathroom, once there he washed his face and looked at his reflection on the mirror right in the eye. "I gotta do this today," he said loudly enough, as if he was having an actual conversation.

~~~

The rehearsal went pretty well, as expected, the boys didn't really need to practice, as they soon noticed, but a few more hours of it never hurt anyone, right?

As a consequence, the recording went smoothly and relaxed, (some teasing and yelling took place, as usual, but nothing dramatic)

~~~

It's worth mentioning that poor Brian still kept his act of being not interested in Roger whatsoever, only speaking to him if Roger asked a question directly to him or something like that. Brian realized it was relatively foolish to keep that up, but he was too invested in this plan of maybe getting his friendship with Roger to be back to normal eventually if he managed to convince him that he wasn't and was never attracted to him.

But of course, this doesn't mean he isn't, really.

Brian's crush was as big as ever, he'd stare at Roger when he wasn't looking, and he'd love each time they spoke, treasuring the feeling of being close to him, even if he wasn't about to allow himself to go any closer.

To be perfectly honest, this few weeks had not been easy for Bri; some days he thought it was no big deal and things would be normal soon, but some other days he figured "normal" still meant not being with Roger, not holding him in his arms, not kissing his plump pink lips... Nothing; and yes, of course Rog could eventually forget about this awkwardness, but could Brian ever forget he loved Roger? And, in the meantime, he wasn't only denying himself the delicious company of the man he loved, but also, the company of his best friend; and because all of this Brian had become a bit depressed as he grieved for his impossible love.

Some nights, when it was really late and he couldn't hear a single noise from the street, when the night was at it's darkest, he'd allow himself to cry quietly in his bed, with his face hiding in his pillow and his back to the window, as if he was hiding his face from the moon. He'd cry softly, with low whimpers escaping his throat once in a while; his long fingers would swip the tears away from his flushed cheeks until he eventually fell asleep, once or twice dreaming about Roger and himself being together; and then the next day he'd wash his face, hide his pain, and go make music with Roger again.

~~~

At around 8:00 pm the boys were done with their work for the day.

Roger could hear Deaky and Freddie making plans for the four of them to go to dinner together, but he didn't really listened, to be fair, he wasn't interested, all he wanted was to get to Brian.

He spotted him in the back of the room, gathering his stuff and putting the Red Special carefully in it's case, so he nervously and carefully made his way over there.

"Hello Bri," he said in an adorable, playful voice

"Oh, hello," Brian didn't really look up from what he was doing

"How've you been?"

"Oh, you know..." Brian shrugged

"Well, I don't really," Rog laughed nervously "You've been kind of avoiding me." Roger managed to not have this sound like a complaint, but a playful (and obviously anxious) joke

"I have not," Brian blushed since it was exactly what he had been doing "I've just been busy"

"So... There's nothing wrong?" Roger tried to reassure himself "... Between us I mean"

This hit Brian out of nowhere. He wasn't the only one suffering, he'd also ripped himself and his friendship from Roger's life, and he was probably missing him too, this made him feel terribly guilty

"Oh Rog, of course not, how can you think that?" He knew exactly why he thought that

"Well... You've been distant, a-and I get it I mean if you've been busy as you said you were, but, uhm, there's something I kind of really need to tell you, b-but, if this is not a good time I can wait 'till uhm..." He was cut off by Brian

"No, no, it is a good time Rog, what is it you want to talk about?" Brian was suddenly too kind and polite again, because of both his love and the guilt

Roger sighed loudly and sat down next to where Brian was gathering his stuff, and Brian sat next to him.

Roger started to breathe a little faster and his face turned pale

"Rog, are you alright?" Brian was genuinely concerned, this seemed like bad news

"Yeah yeah just... Nervous, and" Roger paused and looked for his cigarettes on his pocket, once he found them he lit a cigarette to calm himself down a little.

Brian's anxiety was growing with every second that passed, was he in trouble?Leaving the band? In a legal issue? Knocked someone up? What?!

"Brian it is hard for me to do this but you have to remember that no matter what you say I'm always gonna be here, and I hope you don't hate me for this but I really can't live like this anymore, I need to get this off my chest and maybe, just maybe, get the chance to have what I've been wanting for ages now"

"Roger what? First of all I could never hate you, that's ridiculous, what is this about?"

"I like you Bri" Roger spat out shyly "actually... I love you"

~~~

After a long pause Roger continued

"I'm sorry, I know maybe that's not something you want to hear and..."

He was interrupted by Brian, but he wasn't yelling, or freaking out, or lecturing him... He was kissing him.

Brian pressed his lips against Roger's, and then, immediately shifted to a passionate and needy kiss. Roger was paralized at first, he wasn't processing what was happening, he had never expected this, but when we could calm down a little he kissed Brian back in a no less passionate manner.

Brian was holding Roger's cheek firmly, then moving his hand back to his neck.

Roger had his hand on Brian's lower back and the other hand on his own leg.

Brian eventually backed off a little, just far enough to look at Roger's gorgeous eyes.

"I love you too Rog, I have for a while now"

They started kissing again, softly, slowly, romantically, and they could not even think about anything in the world that mattered aside from each other, this was just so so so perfect for both of them, so unexpected, so blissful...

[chalantness]

Hi! I’m the anon with the romanogers one night stand au (idk if my message got lost the first time around so sorry if you’ve already gotten this) also sorry for not providing the kinks haha but I think 25, 32, 107 would make for some great drunk sex ;) and I was thinking an au where the avengers doesn’t happen and nat and steve are paired up for a mission it would be super interesting and way awkward. Bonus points for steve giving nat a hickey and that’s how they remember the next day

“hi could you please write 32, 80, 143, 145 + 175 for capwidow? sjsjs I need more capwidow stuff :’) thank youu” requested by another anon

4. Animalistic behaviors and characteristics, dominant + 25. Breath + 31. Clothes fetishization + 80. Hurt/comfort + 107. Noise+ 143. Simultaneous orgasms + 145. Sleep and bedding themes + 175. Worry (kink meme)

also inspired by this gif and this prompt by @xo-stardust720​

He’s shaking.

Even through the alcohol thrumming in her veins, through the haze clouding over her senses, she still catches onto this. She can feel his hand trembling over her hips, against the bared sliver of skin between the hem of her shirt and the waistband of her jeans. Because no, she hadn’t bothered to take a jacket when she left; something Clint would have given her crap about if he’d tagged along tonight. Just like he would’ve given her crap about her taking a stranger home.

She’s never taken anyone home.

She lets them take her to their place, or she gets them a room at whatever hotel they happen upon first, but this has never been on the table before. Her apartment is really only a place for her to sleep between missions, somewhere for her to keep her things, but she’s still wary of inviting someone else into her space. It’s a luxury she never had in the Red Room, and maybe it’s a simple thing to find comfort in, but she doesn’t care. She enjoys having this one thing to herself, and frankly, she’d rather not deal with the exasperation that comes with kicking someone out in the morning.

This one is different, though.

This man who spent all night listening to her crack jokes and letting her babble on about nothing at all, rather than give the pretty bartender more than a polite smile and brief reply whenever she flirted with him. That alone had been enough to intrigue Natasha, and so had the fact that she couldn’t quite tell if he was nervous. She’s always been adept at reading people, but this one was being difficult, whether he realized it or not, and she’s itching to figure out why.

She eases her lips off of his, smooths her thumbs over his jaw as he blinks his eyes open to peer up at her. It’s unfair how ridiculous blue they are.

“If I didn’t know any better, stranger, I’d say you were anxious.”

The corners of his lips twitch as he flexes his hands over her hips, and she swallows lightly, trying to ignore the drunk, hazy observance of how his brown leather jacket matches her couch. He’s tall and broad and solid, and yet it had been nothing short of adorable when she shoved him down and straddled his lap and he’d just blinked at her in return. His eyes were glinting in a way that told her that he was intrigued by her, too, but she could also see the hesitance.

She still can, and her heart squeezes just a little.

She parts her lips, starts to say that they can stop, but then he breathes out, “Steve,” as he tightens his grip, pulling her against his chest again.

She feels tingly, and airy, and the way his thumbs are slowly smoothing circles over her skin is kind of her favorite thing right now.

“My name is Steve,” he says as if to clarify, smiling, and she almost laughs.

“That wasn’t an answer I was looking for, Steve.”

He chuckles softly, and, fuck. He has dimples. “I may be a little anxious,” he admits, his voice soft, gravelly, and she only really has a second to feel terrible before he continues with, “It’s not you.” He squeezes her hips again as if to emphasize this, and the tightness in her chest ebbs. He grins. “Though, the fact that you’re beautiful is certainly messing with my game.”

His voice sounds dry, almost sarcastic, as though he’s poking fun at himself.

“I’ve never done this,” he whispers, tipping his head up to kiss her jaw, like he can’t quite help himself. She holds his gaze, trying to tell if he’s being serious. And he must be able to tell this, because he adds, “Not all the way, at least.” He kisses her jaw again, and again, trailing his lips lower. If he’s planning to distract her from how much more weight his words just added to this, to them, it almost works. She leans into the sensation, the soft, feather-light trace of his mouth making her tingle, driving her a little bit crazy. “I’ve had a hard time adjusting,” he murmurs into her skin, and she gasps as he brushes over her pulse. He pauses here, kissing her. “I came close, a few times, but… it never felt right.”

She swallows. It feels as if the room is spinning. “But this does?”

“Yeah.” He pulls back, grasps her chin and tips her head to meet his gaze. If he’s never been with a woman like this before, he’s certainly not acting like it. “Don’t know why, but this feels right.” His eyes are glinting. “You feel right.”

She waits for it. Waits for the cold rush of panic to hit her, for her flight response to kick in. This is something far more intimate than she ever imagined handling tonight, and she waits for her mind to tell her that it shouldn’t be her.

But… she wants it to be.

She’s not quite sure why, but she does.

“Okay,” she breathes, sliding off of his lap and onto her feet, and she takes his hands in his, guiding him off the chair. He’s holding her gaze as she starts to walk backwards, guiding them the few steps over to her room. She can tell that he’s still nervous, but some of it has ebbed, the anxiousness in his eyes quickly dissolving into something heavier, hotter. Her stomach flutters.

Then he’s grasping her face and slanting his lips over hers again, kissing her harder and deeper and with far more certainty, more urgency. A warmth bursts over her, fanning down her skin, and his large hands are on her, toying with the hem of her shirt. She thinks he’s hesitating again at first, and she slides her hands up his arms, squeezing gently, soothing him - until she feels his torso tense, then start to shake softly. She pauses against his lips.

Fuck.

He’s laughing.

She blinks, pulling away to find his eyes alight with amusement. “I said I came close to going all the way,” he points out, and there’s a little bit of a challenge in the way he arches an eyebrow ever so slightly. “I didn’t say I’ve never been with a woman at all.” Then he hooks an arm around her and lifts her with this sort of growl, making her suck in a breath as he gently tips her on top of her unmade bed. She wants to laugh, but she mirrors his smirk instead, grasping at her shirt and camisole and arching her back as she tugs them over her head. His throat flexes as he swallows.

“I’ll be sure to significantly raise my expectations, then,” she teases, and he chuckles as he shrugs out of his jacket, letting it fall to the floor, and then he starts to undo the buttons of his shirt. She wonders if he’s taking his time on purpose, or if she’s just imagining this because she’s so damn impatient.

But then he’s shrugging out of his shirt, too, tugging off of his undershirt, and she feels her lips part when she sees the hard dips of his chest. Fuck. Fuck.

“You look a little uncomfortable there,” he tells her, his voice even, almost nonchalant, but she can tell that he’s teasing. He reaches for her hips, gives them another light squeeze, and waits for her little nod of permission before slowly tugging her jeans and her panties down her legs. She knows she’s wet - she has been ever since they left the bar, honestly, but hearing him call her beautiful had made her feel warmer, wetter, and the wisps of pleasure have been rippling over her ever since.

(She can’t remember the last time someone had called her beautiful.)

(She can’t remember if anyone ever had.)

“Have you ever…?” She trails off, letting her legs fall open a little wider, and the way his gaze fixes on her sex for a moment almost makes her squirm.

“Twice.” His answer is simple, honest. “Not sure if I was any good, but…”

He trails off, too, and she wants to laugh about it, except now she’s kind of really damn curious. She spreads her legs a little wider, slides her hand down her stomach to dip into her wetness, and his eyes grow stormier, hazier.

“Everyone needs practice.”

His lips curve at the corners, and for a second, she thinks he’s going to quip in reply. But then he’s kneeling in front of her, hooking her knee over his shoulder and sliding her closer to the edge of the bed, his breath rolling right over her folds, and she makes this little noise from the back of her throat. Then he licks a broad stripe over her center, moaning, and her back arches off of the bed.

Oh.

Oh.

His strokes are a little hesitant, but only at first, until he pulls a soft moan from her lips when he puts the perfect amount of pressure on her clit, and this seems to encourage him. If he hadn’t said the words for himself, she wouldn’t have thought he was nervous at all. His strokes are tentative but firm, growing bolder with every lick, and he’s not hesitant at all about toying with her clit. Part of her thinks that maybe someone taught him this, but also, he just seems like the kind of person that would be a fucking tease.

He reads her easily enough, too. Reads her little shifts and her soft noises and the cant of her hips, sucking harder when her body jolts at a particularly good stroke, easing off when her thigh starts to tense from all of the the sensations.

Her pleasure is climbing higher and higher, her body arching off the mattress as the wisps of her orgasm start to fan out over her skin, and, and -

She reaches down and pushes firmly at his shoulders, all but gasping as she tries to scoot her body away, and she should not find it so adorable yet sexy at the same time when he blinks up at her in confusion, licking her wetness of of his lips. It takes every ounce of control not to drag him back to her sex.

“In me,” she demands, her voice breathy and a little bit raspy as she starts to grasp at his shoulders, trying to tug him up her body. “I want you in me.”

“But you were –”

“I know.” She was close, and she should be embarrassed by how quickly this perfect stranger had almost unraveled her, but she doesn’t care. Not at all. She wants to come with him inside of her, and if this is really his first time being in a woman, she knows he won’t last very long. She wants them to come together. She doesn’t know why, but she does, and she thinks he wants it, too.

He seems to understand what she wants him to do next, because he presses a kiss to the inside of her thigh before pulling away, pushing down his jeans and then his boxers. She swallows, taking in the sight of him, and he straightens his shoulders ever so slightly. If not for the slight flush of color at the edges of his cheeks, she might not be able to tell that he’s a little nervous again under her stare. She licks her lips a little and meets his gaze, nods toward the pillows, and his lips twitch at the corners as he complies and climbs onto the bed, resting back against her headboard. She reaches for her jeans off of the floor, finds the condom tucked into her pocket, and she tears the package as she crawls across the bed to him.

He’s long, and hard, and the noise he makes when she gently grasps his length and rolls her thumb over the wet tip is absolutely delicious.

“Lay back,” she tells him, and he does, sliding further down against the pillows as she climbs under her duvet. She’s not cold - she feels like she’s burning just under her skin, honestly - and based on the flush spreading over his skin, the way his chest is rising and falling with his heavy, uneven breaths, she knows he isn’t all that cold, either. Still. This little thing feels… intimate, somehow, and she kind of wants this for him and little bit for herself, too.

She feels herself smirk, unable to quite help it when she leans down and licks along the underside of his length, and his entire body tenses, his hips nearly rolling off of the mattress as she closes around the tip and gives it a little suck. He hisses out a breath, and she eases off of him, licking her lips again.

“You uncomfortable there?” she asks, and she’s not - teasing, exactly. But even if she is, he seems to be amused, either way. “I’ve barely touched you.”

“No, but…” He swallows lightly, shrugs a shoulder. “You’re beautiful.” Her heart skips. There’s that damn word again. Then his smile softens ever so slightly. “Especially when I’m going down on you. That was more than enough for me.”

She wants to laugh, but her voice catches in her throat because he sounds so genuine and she doesn’t know what to do with that.

“Perhaps I can remedy that.”

His body tenses again as she starts to roll the condom over him, and she gently scratches her nails over his hipbone as she slides it all the way down. Fuck, the way his pleasure tugs over his face is kind of her favorite sight, at least for right now, and she thinks he’s already so close. She may not last very long, either.

She lifts herself over his length, and his hands slight up her thighs to settle over her hips as he blinks slowly up at her, as if half in a daze. She swallows lightly and leans over him, braces her hands against his chest as she kisses him once, twice, three times, licking at the seam of his lips and relishing in his small gasp as she pulls away. He squeezes her hips, wanting to draw her in again, but then she’s sinking over him and he lets out a long, low groan.

Fuck, fuck.

She very nearly whimpers, feeling him stretch her, fill her, and her body is damn near trembling as he bottoms out. His grip on her is even tighter now, almost ridiculously so, but she doesn’t care that there will definitely be bruises there in the morning. She kind of likes the thought that he’ll have left his marks on her.

She keeps the roll of her hips slow at first, letting them both adjust, letting them both relish in how fucking perfect it feels. She hardly ever uses that word, but there’s really nothing else to describe the way her body is tingling, vibrating in pleasure as the sensation ripples over her again and again in an unrelenting wave of sensations. She’s moaning louder now, broken and breathy, and again it seems as if her arousal is making him feel bolder, more sure of himself as he starts to move with her. She knows it’s kind of difficult in this position considering he’s never done this before, but, fuck, it’s more than enough.

He’s deep and thick inside of her, and every little roll of his hips brings him deeper, somehow. He groans and rocks with her, thrusting up into her and brushing against that sweet spot that makes her keen. He tenses at the sound of pure pleasure she lets out, and she falls against his chest, grasping his face and kissing him hot and wet and needy. He won’t last much longer and neither will she, and she grasps one of his hands at her hips and drags it between her legs. He catches on quickly, his thumb finding her clit and rolling gently, and a shudder of pleasure rolls down her spine.

Oh, oh - he’s fumbling, not quite sure what to do, or maybe just too wrapped in sensations like she is to remember. But she doesn’t care. That feels fucking amazing and so does he, and she’s right there, right there - and then he slips his tongue past her lips, making his little noise as he kisses her softly, almost sweetly, and it’s kind of ridiculous that this is what pushes her over that edge.

She cries out against his lips as she unravels at the seams, her orgasm bursting over her, white-hot and consuming. He moans under her, his entire body growing taut, and a few thrusts later he’s following her over that edge.

…

“You look like shit.”

She rolls her eyes, knowing that Clint can see this as he comes from behind her, and he snickers as he quickly catches up to her strides.

She’s sore. Perfectly, delicious sore, and she bites on the inside of her lip to resist the urge to smirk. She’ll tell Clint - probably - but certainly not when they have to meet with Nick in a few minutes regarding a new assignment. She’d rather not have to answer a dozen and one questions regarding her one night stand, or deal with all of the pointed, implicit (albeit rather clever) comments Clint will no doubt work into their work conversations.

She had woken up this morning to find Steve gone, and, as much as she’d wanted to be pissed by this, she simply couldn’t. She may not have been able to get a perfect read on him last night, but she’s absolutely certain she was right when she thought that he was one of the most decent guys she’d ever come across. He wasn’t the type to skip out without a trace, and she couldn’t help the stupid, giddy grin that spread across her lips when she walked into her kitchen to find breakfast waiting for her on the kitchen counter. She rarely kept actual groceries stocked in her kitchen, but he’d went across the street to the 24-hour diner she knows is there and come back with a few donuts, an egg and sausage sandwich, and a to-go cup of coffee and left it for her, along with a note he’d quickly written on the back of his receipt.

He’d apologized - twice - about having to leave, explained that he had an early meeting, and scrawled his phone number under his signature after calling her beautiful again and saying in a few more ridiculously charming words that he’d like to see her. She shouldn’t have found the gesture so fucking cute, but it was, and somehow she knew it was genuine, too. Or maybe she just hoped.

(She doesn’t care. She’d liked it, and maybe that means the difference doesn’t matter.)

Nick’s office door is cracked open in an invite to let themselves in, and Clint holds it open for her as she slides her sunglasses off and tucks them into her jacket pocket. There’s someone standing beside Nick in front of his desk, his back to the door, and she feels herself pause entirely when her gaze falls on the brown leather jacket draped over his broad shoulders. She feels Clint bump into her, saying her name, but she sort of can’t breathe right now.

Nick blinks his gaze over to her, no doubt taking in the slip in her almost nonchalant expression, and he raises his eyebrows, intrigued.

“Captain Rogers, I’d like you to meet two of my best agents,” Nick introduces, and the man turns around and quickly catching sight of her.

He blinks, surprise starting to tug at the small, polite smile that had been on his lips. His bright, ridiculously blue eyes are locked with hers, his lips parting.

Rogers. Steve Rogers.

Captain America.

Somewhere through the thick haze of the alcohol that had been pulsing through her veins last night, she’d known that he looked familiar, yet she’d simply pushed it away. He was handsome - insanely so - yet she’d simply dismissed this as a coincidence. There were hundreds and thousands of people in the world, thousands of blonde-haired, blue-eyed men that could have his build, his gentlemanly smile. She couldn’t have known him already.

She presses her lips together, still not quite drawing her gaze away. She doesn’t know what she’s supposed to feel right now, but she’s fairly certain it shouldn’t be a flutter of warmth, of familiarity. She shouldn’t feel so damn relieved to see him again, especially now, and especially like this.

(But she does. She does.)

“The Captain has agreed to join SHIELD,” Nick continues, and she swears she feels her heart skip when he adds, “and Natasha, you’ll be his partner for now.”

Steve blinks - once, twice, and then his lips twitch at the corners, and she very nearly lets out a laugh.

Oh, this is going to be fun.

[fairycosmos]

So im going to be doing psychiatric inpatient tomorrow and im horribly frightened. My s.o. and friends want me to go, but the idea of being trapped without home comforts and the people I love scares me so much Ive considered running away from the hospital or convincing them I dont need it. I know that my depression and psychosis is getting worse and I probably need the help, but im upset that the people I care about would rather send me away than just, be supportive. Any advice?

hey love. well first of all i just want to say that i’m really fucking proud of you for reaching out in the first place. that’s literally a monumental step to take, and it requires unbelievable strength, which you obviously have. honestly, i think that you’re allowed to be scared. you’re completely allowed to not want to go, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. fear of the unknown, of change, of talking about what’s going on in your head, of not being around your family - those are all stressful experiences, and terror is a natural human reaction to them. you dont have to push it away, you’re not wrong for feeling it. it would be weird if you weren’t afraid, actually, especially at this point. it’s alright to just process it, and to work through it one hour at a time. or one minute at a time, if an hour seems like too much. but it’s not alright to let these emotions control you completely, or to let them blind you, or to cope with them in an unhealthy way. that’s the distinguishing line - it’s the difference between having a thought, and actually acting on it. the truth is, you don’t know what it’s going to be like. when you’re overly anxious, your mind kind of convinces you that negative thoughts are 100% true, but that’s not the case. your worries are not premonitions. the future doesn’t even exist yet, it’s not something that is currently in your control. while the hospital will probably be sad and uncomfortable, it’s likely that it will also be relieving and peaceful. you have to take the good with the bad, and let that be enough. think of the worst case scenario, and the best case scenario, and prepare yourself for it turning out to be somewhere in the middle, in actuality. it’s wonderful that you can recognize that you actually do need help. the level of self awareness you have could save your life. that’s a tangible fact that you can hold on to. when your brain tries to tell you that you dont need to talk to anyone, or when the anxiety takes over, you can always ground yourself in reality. and the reality of it is that you’re not well. but support is available, and your current situation is not where you’ll always be. you’re not alone. there’s no shame in needing treatment, you know? your mental health is just as important as your physical health, and sometimes it needs intense care in order to improve, just like any other bodily ailment. please, please try to constantly bring your mindset back to looking after yourself. please try to keep that your top priority, even when you don’t feel capable, even when you’re afraid. you’re not going to regret doing what’s right for you, ever. it sounds cliche, and it sounds like bullshit, and maybe it’ll take a while before you actually believe me but eventually, you will. seeking professional guidance and truly looking into your options will allow you to figure out the root causes of your mental illness, which will then allow you to finally confront them adequately. having someone to talk to consistently, working closely with people that are trained specifically to help you, figuring out your own self destructive patterns and then actively working on refuting them - all of that will add up. every single effort you make is going to pay off.  your future self is going to thank you.

i know it may seem like the people that care about you are just ‘sending you away’, and i can certainly see why your mind would want you to believe that. but i really do think that they think that putting you in hospital is going to help you more than it will hurt you. they want you to be safe and healthy so that they can spend more time with you in the future, and so you dont have to live with all of the pain and heaviness that you’ve been living with so far. a depressive brain will ALWAYS make it look like everyone is sick of you, or like nobody understands, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. of course, i dont know what the dynamic is like with your family, but i’m certain that there are at least some people in your life that are genuinely doing this with good intentions. i’m not saying you shouldn’t feel the way you do, because i can 100% understand why you perceive the situation like that, i’m just saying there is more than one side to it. it’s not as black and white as just wanting to ‘send you away’, you know? in addition, you’ll be amazed at your own ability to adapt and to grow and to improve. if you’re honest with the professionals, and if you’re willing to just give it a go, then that’s what matters the most. the simple act of trying is more than good enough, man. not having home comforts, and not seeing your family as much will obviously be very upsetting. that’s to be expected, therefore it’s something you can prepare yourself for. something you can work through. you can come to terms with it at your own pace, in your own way. you will learn how to handle it because you have the tools to do so, and that’s really all you need. running away from the hospital wont change anything, and convincing people that you’re okay when you’re not could have disastrous consequences, and is also rather unlikely. it’s clear that the best choice you can make at this moment in time is to  put yourself first utterly and completely. even before your own fear. it’s a lot easier said than done, i know. and since it’s the day before you have to go, this is the worst it’s going to be in terms of how scared you are. but you dont want to look back in a few months or a few years and regret not grabbing the opportunity to get help when it was right in front of you. and that fact is far more important than any temporary emotional turmoil that you’re dealing with. it may help to talk to your parents or a family member/friend about how you’re feeling tonight, so that you dont need to carry the worry all on your own. 

again, i’m extremely proud of you. and i think you’re going to do so so well. you just need to give yourself a fair chance, that’s all. this process isn’t supposed to be easy or comforting, especially not at first, but it’s also not going to be anywhere near as bad as you think it’s going to be. i’m sorry angel, i get that it’s difficult, and i wish there was something i could actually do for you. but i’m rooting for you so so much. you’re strong, capable, worthy and loved. and you’re a good person. even if you cant see it at the moment. your happiness and mental well being is so important. the hospital stay isn’t going to last forever, but what you learn there might. i’m sending you all of the love in my heart. i seriously hope you’re able to find the peace that you deserve. i’ll keep you in my thoughts. i’m always here if you need a friend, or if you want to talk about it properly. hit me up any time.

[a-smoakiism]

i’m feeling very anxious... and I’ll put why under the cut but yeah idk what I’m gonna do for the rest of the night. 

So like, I’ve shared my past a few times, and little bits of it, here over time but to keep it simple I have a very messed up past thanks to my mom. To start this story I have to start with my baby sister. She’ll be eighteen in exactly 30 days and her whole life we have had no idea who her dad was. My mom lied many times about who, we had no way of knowing if anything she said was the truth and last year because of this my aunt who takes care of my sister got her 23 and me... or maybe it was two years ago, anyway she did it and has been searching for a long time for anyone to come up that we wouldn’t know on the list.

Well the other day some guy messaged her matching her higher than even my other sister who did the test too. He would have been about 17 about the time she was born and from what we are able to figure out we think he is her half brother and his dad might be her dad... but unfortunately he died two years ago. So my sister has been distraught as they try and figure out if he really is her dad and if he is where to go from here.

When my aunt told me this... while I want my sister to figure out who she is I also want her to be safe. I am worried for her about who these people could be what they might want to do... will they accept her, will they cause her more pain. I can’t even fathom where this might go and it’s also brought me back into triggering memories of my childhood. I looked for this guys obituary found it but don’t remember his face and I’m trying to think if I ever met him or not... but it makes me just think about my mom more and... that’s never good.

My mother has been gone for years now and when I start to think about her I get anxious and this brings me to what brings this up tonight. I had her blocked on facebook but something in me wanted me to look her up and I found out that she moved facebooks, is going by a different nickname now and everything. Whatever. I can just reblock it but nooo I decide to fucking stalk her page, going through her friends list...and in my stalking I found out that I am friends with someone, who has a friend with her on facebook ( I think they went to school together ). Now I know I shouldn’t have looked and I know that it’s probably nothing but I’m panicking she’s going to be looking for me and could get me through them and I just... can’t even breath thinking about this right now. 

I need a distraction, maybe doing drafts would help but ugh I’m just so panicked now.

[ilygsd]

as you can see in my reblogs i just had an imginary fight and imaginary abandobment with jo. he basically said he found it unattractive that im so easy to charm and idk.... that i go home to guys i dont even like for attention or smth (i DONT...... maybe i do..... I JUST HAVE A HARD TIME DIFFERING ROMANCE ABD FRIENDSHIP I DONT LIKE THEM WERE JUST FRIENDS AND I CANT JUST SAY NO) and basically all i could hear was

he hates you he hates you he hates you he thinks youre disgusting abd worthless and ugly and weird and pathetic and childish and horrible

AND WE JUST HAD A FIGHT!!!! i tried so hard yesterday not to panic-text him for reassurance after our fight...... it probably wasnt a fight....... only a fight for me...... BUT I DIDNT!!! EVEN THO I HAD LIKE 26161 PANIC ATTACKS AND REALLY WANTED HIS PRAISE FOR GOING TO CLASS I STILL DIDNT............. until the evening...... i couldnt resist but ask him for a hug (through text). he wonders why and i tell him i just needed his comfort.... as if i wasnt THIS fucking close to die every 20 minute but i know he’d find that unattractive so i just stfu

AND THEN THAT RAT SAYS ”yeah but if u do this u will have to look for comfort somewhere else” and i just want to DIEEEEEEE

i explode. i really didnt need to hear that. all i wanted was his love and now hes telling me he doesnt want me anymore but finds me needy and unattractive and all my feelings just OUT!!!!

i bEG HIM NOT TO CONTINUE I BEG HIM PLEASE DONT SAY THIS NOT TONIGHT I WANT TO DIE PLS SAY IT TOMORROW PLS I JUST WANT U TO HOLD ME

he calls me

and his ugly aspd ass goes ”sigh.... what is happening now” ”stop with that manipulative empathy shit, youre just trying to make me empathise but i literally dont”

and then he low key last out on me BECAUSE I CAN HEAR IT IN HIS VOICE that

him: ”i need to fucking sleep but now i cant because of you typing shit that you want to die” (basically)

me: ”im sorry”

him: ”dont say youre sorry stop apologizing this is my choice i choose to talk to you instead of sleeping”

me: ??????

me: ”arenr u telling me this bc u want me to feel bad and apologize?”

him: ”no i dont care abt your apologies words dont mean anything to me im just telling u to understand that your actions have consequences”

HES SUCH AN ASSSSS!!! THIS WAS LITERALLY THE SAME THING LAST TIME I NEEDED HIS COMFORT HE JUST THINKS IM AN ANNOYING UGLY WHORE HE JUST FEELS RESPONSIBLE FOR ME OR SMTH IDK WHAT THE FUCK

......

him: ”i cant be with someone who just goes over to random dudes they dont even know for attention”

me: ”i-i dont do that.... i only want your attention youre the only one who matters”

him: ”i know u say that but your ACTIONS says otherwise”

me: ”but i dont even like them theyre just my friends”

him: ”you met them on tinder, you have met them like one time and you go home to them to watch a movie, thats not friends, friends take a coffee and then maybe go home to each other after theyve known each other”

me: ”but ive told them im not interested”

him: ”IT DOESNT MATTER. thats not how it works. you cant just do risky dumb shit bc of anxiety. what if something would happen to you, that wouldn’t make you happy and ghat wouldnt make me happy”

AND I JUST WANT TO CLARIFY THAT WHILE THIS MAY SEEM LIKE HE SOMEHOW CARES ABOUT ME WHAT HE SAYS IS THAT IM A BOTHER AND IT BOTHERS HIM....... LIKE HE GETS ANGRY AND ANNOYED AT ME WHEN IM SAD AND ANXIOUS BC HE DOESNT WANT ME TO BE SAD AND ANXIOUS........ WOW THAT MAKDS SO MICH SENSE RIGHT??? NO IT DOESNT BECAUSE HE DOESNT RELLY CARE ABT MEEEEE, HE JUST WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY SO HE DOESNT HAVE TO SUFFER FROM MY UNHAPPY CONSEQUENCES GOD IM SO HURT WHY CANT HE JUST LOVE ME

and then we came to the conclusion that i just feel unloved and unworthy of love and like im a horrible person and hes like

him: ”you cant use other people. dont chase my love or affirmation. im not judging or shaming you for going home to these guys im just telling you im not attracted to it. if you want my comfort you know what to do”

me: ”i want your comfort, i will-”

him: ”you dont have to tell me. ACTIONS”

him: ”and dont do this for me or because of me. do this because YOU want to”

me:

me:

me: ”but i dont know what i want”

him: ”then maybe you should think about that”

me: *starting to panic*

me: ”y-yeah sure”

OK SO I GUESS ILL HAVE TO PRETEND THAT I LOVE MYSELF AND THAT IM CHABGING FOR MYSELF BC ITS UNATTRACTIVE AND NEEDY TO DO IT FOR HIM BUT I WANT HIM IM READY TO CHANGE MYSELF FOR HIM BUT FUUUUUCK HES SMART HE WILL FIGURE OUT HE KNOWS I HAVE NO PERSOBALITY LIKE

me: ”i literally adopt other peoples interests”

him: ”yeah that doesnt surprise me”

him: ”youre not your own person...”

blah blah i dont remember what more we said

ugh

FUCK MEEEEE I MAY NOT HAVE A BIG PERSONALITY BUT I DO HAVE SOME INTERESTS THAT DOESNV CHANGE I DONT CHANGE MYSELF CONPLETELY

HE ALSO TOLD ME I NEED TO STOP APOLOGIZE FOR UNNECESSARY THINGS

what the fuck am i gonna do? am i just gonna pretend to understand and change for myself? i wont be able to do this for myself, i WILL DO IT FOR HIM SO HE WONT LEAVE ME BUT HE WILL LEAVE ME ANYWAYS BC HE WILL KNOW ITS FAKE AND THAT I ONLY ADAPT MY PERSONALITH TO HIM FUCK

oh i mean I GUESS when i re-read our texts maybe i SHOULDNT have read it in such a threatening aggressive tone but i cant help it, he literally said ”im not dumping you rn” OK SO WHEN ARE YOU?????????????

god its so embarrassing i knew he was my fp even though i didnt want to admit it but i didnt know it was this strong............ ive tried sO HARD NOT TO BE DEPENDANT ON HIM