#i feel so anxious at home. I'm looking for excuses to not be home during the day

[finnickodaiir]

.

[bimobuddy]

Storms

Hazbin TK fic

Writing this because there's currently a storm going on that's not supposed to end until 7 pm, and I'm not doing well :)

Lee!Alastor, Ler!Lucifer

Alastor might be ooc

CW: Fear of storms?? Anxiety

Summary: Hell gets a really bad storm, and Alastor isn't as composed as he normally is. When Lucifer finds out the reason why, he decides to put their rivalry aside and help him out.

BOOM

Alastor gripped his cane tightly in his hands, his permanent grin slightly more strained than usual. Wordlessly, he stood up from his seat and made an excuse to Charlie about needing to finish up some scripting for his next broadcast.

He turned and left the lobby, his shoes clicking as he walked down the hall.

CRAAACK!!

His breath caught in his throat as he picked up the pace a little, his ears starting to fold back.

"Heeey, Bambi!" Lucifer called, appearing in front of him. Oblivious to the Radio Demon's distress, he grinned, ready to harass him. "Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

Alastor gripped his cane so hard he thought he was about to snap it. "Not that it's any of your business, your highness, but I'm heading back to my room." He replied, trying to mask his fear behind his usual smile and sass.

As thunder sounded again, softer this time, more of a rolling sound, Lucifer picked up on Alastor's anxious demeanor. His tail flicked, and his ears were pinned back a little.

The king chuckled, "Oh come on, don't tell me you of all demons are scared of a little-"

BOOOM!!

Lucifer blinked and looked around. Had Alastor disappeared? The light sound of microphone feedback caught his attention, and he turned to see that Alastor hadn't disappeared into shadow, but instead dropped to the floor and hidden under a table in the hall.

Alastor's ears were fully pinned back as he shook and pressed himself back against the wall.

Sensing this was something deeper, Lucifer kneeled down to be eye level with him. "Hey," he started, speaking softly, the same way he had to Charlie when she was a child and scared of the dark, "You're okay, Al. This hotel was built with angelic power, the storm isn't going to break in."

Alastor, eyes wide still, looked up at the king. When Lucifer took a chance and reached a hand out, he was surprised when Alastor took it.

"When I was a child," the demon started, his voice losing its radio filter, "a really bad tornado hit Louisiana. It devastated our town and nearly destroyed my home. I was in the cellar with my mother for hours until we were found."

Lucifer's eyes widened a little bit, as he felt his heart break for the demon. He gave Alastor's hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "You know, Charlie used to be afraid of storms too-"

Alastor forced a short laugh. "Wonderful, I'm behaving like a child." He pulled his hand away, and climbed out from under the table, feeling embarrassed for having acted like that in front of his rival. As another boom of thunder sounded, Alastor froze and gripped the table so hard, the wood started to crack and splinter.

Lucifer summoned his wings and wrapped one side around Alastor. "Let me walk you to your room-" Alastor shook his head. "My room is modeled to look like the swamps of Louisiana, I can't-... I can't stay in there during a storm."

"Alright then... My room, come on." He turned and started to guide Alastor in the opposite direction. He folded his wings in and de-summoned them, as to let Alastor retain his dignity when they passed by the lobby again.

As he was being guided, Alastor didn't once argue or complain, much to the surprise of Lucifer. He actually stayed rather close to the king, ears down, forcing himself to take deep breaths.

When they reached Lucifer's room, there was a flash of lightning, causing Alastor to rush in quickly. Seeing Alastor break character so much was very odd and concerning to the king. For as long as he had known the demon, Alastor had the attitude of someone who was untouchable. And now here he was, shaking, and bleating like a scared fawn.

He sighed, feeling bad for him. He remembered when Charlie would come running into his room scared, during a storm. Back then, he would have scooped her up into his lap, and they would have counted the seconds between the flashes of lightning and the cracking of thunder. And when that didn't work, he'd- Oh there's an idea.

"Alastor?" He started, taking his hat off and setting aside. "You wanna know what I used to do with Charlie when she was scared of storms?" He asked with a smile.

The Radio Demon turned to face him. He was still holding onto that smile, but his eyes showed just how distressed he was. He tilted his head.

Lucifer waved him over, sitting down. "I'll show you, sit down." Alastor approached and sat next to him, willing to try anything at this point to calm his nerves. He set his cane aside and let out a surprised fawn squeak when the king just opened his coat. He was obviously wearing a shirt underneath, but he hadn't expected for Lucifer to touch him.

"It was a little game we'd play. You ready?" Before Alastor could question it, he saw another flash of lighting that made him jump. That was Lucifer's cue to start.

He reached forward and started to scritch his claws against Alastor's sides, up and down. The demon let out a startled yelp, and at first Lucifer thought maybe this was a bad idea. But when the host started to chuckle and lean into it, he smiled and continued.

As thunder rolled and boomed overhead, Lucifer slid his hands upward and spidered over his ribs. Alastor doubled over, laughing harder, yet he barely even noticed the loud noise, only able to focus on the tickling.

Playful claws zipped down and vibrated into his hips, and the radio host couldn't help but curl up and fall onto his side, tail wagging. He squeezed his eyes shut and laughed louder, his own hands shooting down to grab Lucifer's, yet he didn't push him away, seeming to be more than okay with this distraction.

The king gave his hips a break and reached up to gently scritch behind his ears. He couldn't stop the fond smile that painted itself across his face once Alastor's loud laughter melted away into staticky giggles.

Lucifer summoned his wings back and again, and wrapped them around Alastor, pressing them against his back. Alastor normally hated touch, but he welcomed this. It was warm, and the gentle, constant pressure against his back was helping with his anxiety, a lot actually.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Lucifer plucking one of his own feathers. His cheeks warmed and his ears folded back, but he didn't attempt to escape. He just squeezed his eyes shut again, and allowed the angel to flutter it under his chin.

Alastor burst into surprised giggles, shocked at just how ticklish it was. It definitely didn't feel like a normal feather, it was worse.

Lucifer chuckled, "Yeah, angels feathers, they're much more intense than birds." He saw the window flash, and brought the feather down to Alastor's tummy, pushing his shirt up. Right when the thunder started, he started to flick and flutter the feather against his skin, grinning to himself when Alastor jumped and curled up, laughing, gently batting at the king.

Yet he didn't even notice the storm outside.

[beom-pyu]

inside out ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ choi beomgyu

choi beomgyu x g!n reader , tags: established relationship , non idol au , angst w a slightly happy ending <3

warnings: arguing, name calling (only "stupid", but just in case!), past toxic relationships, not explicitly stated but gyu's ex cheated on him, almost breaking up, shared tears, gyu has bad coping mechanisms, cheating accusations, mentions of therapy (this is not glorifying toxic relationships!)

wc: 2.3k>

request

beomgyu is silent during your drive home from the party, one hand on the wheel and the other under his chin as if he's deep in thought. you feel anxious in the silence, shifting around in your seat, glancing over at him every few seconds.

this had been your dynamic all night and you have no idea why. he had seemed so excited to go your friend's get together, nearly bouncing off the walls before you two left; but by the time you were settled with a drink in your hand, it was as if a switch had flipped in beomgyu's head and he turned stone cold. you tried to not let it get to you, but you couldn't help that sinking feeling in your gut when he would barely talk to you.

you had excused yourself from the conversation you were having with your close friend, yeonjun, standing up to find beomgyu in the kitchen, sipping on a can of sprite.

"hey, gyu," you spoke softly, trying not to show how bothered you really were. maybe he was just tired, or didn't feel well. you hated jumping to conclusions, but your mind raced with a million thoughts and it made you dizzy. all beomgyu did was hum in response as you leaned into his side, looking up at him. "you okay, baby?"

"yep." beomgyu's lips pressed into a thin line, his eyebrows raising with the slightest hint of annoyance, but you didn't miss the expression. you felt a little hurt, but you tried to think of any possibility that didn't involve you being the culprit of his sour mood.

"y/n, come look at this!" yeonjun called from the living room, a few of your friends doubled over in laughter from a video playing from his phone.

"one sec!" you shouted from where you stood before turning your attention back to beomgyu. "you coming?"

"nah, i'll stay here," beomgyu forced a smile towards you, his eyes not quite bunching up into the pretty crescent moons you were used to.

"you sure...? we can leave if you're not feeling well," you pouted, reaching up to brush some hair out of his eyes. beomgyu leaned into your touch, but shook his head in response.

"no, i'm okay. go ahead."

and maybe you should've stayed next to him. maybe you should've insisted on leaving—but then your name was called again and again, and you finally left beomgyu's side.

if something was wrong, he'd tell you, right?

right?

that proved to be false as you ride home in silence, the only noise coming from the tap of his fingers on the steering wheel and the hum of the car.

you want to ask him what's wrong, but this has happened before, too many times to count, and you know it'll just end up in an argument so you try to keep your lips shut. his hand isn't on your thigh like it usually is and he won't even look at you. the uncertainty is eating away at you slowly and the words that spill out of your mouth without a second thought.

"gyu… did i do something?"

a beat of silence passes, and then another, and then another, and then another, before he finally sighs.

"no."

the word comes out thick and rough, and you both know he's lying to prevent any arguments as well. his answer makes you feel even worse and you curl in on yourself, turning your head to look out the window.

"you can just tell me if i did something to upset you," you say under your breath. you know he heard. you wanted him to hear.

beomgyu is silent again and you get the sudden urge to cry. you're sensitive about things like this, still scarred from your last relationship. it's not beomgyu's fault that you react this way— moments like these just give you the worst deja vu and you can't help it.

"can we talk when we get home?" your voice has no strength, cutting off into a mumble near the end. you can hear beomgyu shift in his seat.

"yeah."

and the car is silent again. it's silent as you head up the elevator to your apartment. it's silent as you take your shoes off and arrange them nicely by the front door. it's silent as you anxiously wait on the couch while beomgyu showers before going in for your own, the mirror still damp with condensation. you hate showering separately.

the air in your shared bedroom is thick as you walk in. suddenly, the air is too cold and you curse yourself for choosing to wear shorts to sleep. you head over to your vanity to do the rest of your skincare routine while beomgyu shuffles about the room behind you.

you know he wants to say something, but he doesn't. and it's driving you crazy.

you try to think of everything, anything you could have possibly done to make beomgyu upset, but nothing comes to mind. heavy guilt sits on your shoulders for something you have no idea you even did.

you're always the first to speak in situations like this. you know how beomgyu is. he shuts down until you both forget about the problem or end up in an explosive fight and you really don't want either of those things to happen.

you wish he felt more comfortable being open and honest with you, but that was his own baggage to unpack. you have been together for a year and there is still so much you haven't learned about him yet. you want to know. you want this to work.

you take a deep breath, standing to walk over to where beomgyu stood at the dresser, digging through one of the drawers to pick out a shirt to sleep in.

"beomgyu," you start, your voice soft and open. you don't want this to be a fight—you just want to talk.

beomgyu glances up at you before looking back down in his drawer. it never takes that long to pick out a t-shirt to sleep in.

"hm?" he replies, refusing to look at you. you sigh, wringing your hands nervously in front of you. you shouldn't be this anxious, you really shouldn't, but the vile feeling crawls up your spine and curls around your throat and everything feels a little too warm all of a sudden.

he's mad at you. he's mad at you. he's mad at you.

"are you mad at me?"

beomgyu's movements pause for a moment before continuing.

"no, i'm not mad at you."

your anxiousness begins to mix with frustration at the words. why is he beating around the bush? if he has something to say, he should just say it. you try to contain your emotions, scanning his face for any sign of what he’s thinking. his eyebrows are tightly nit together, his lips are stiff, and his shoulders are tense. you want nothing more than to reach over and wrap him up in your arms.

"why were you upset tonight? you barely talked to me at the party," you start, arms crossed over your chest, a frown settled onto your lips. beomgyu scoffs at the words, lifting his head to finally look you in the eye.

"well maybe if you weren't fucking flirting with yeonjun right in front of me, i could've had space to talk to you," beomgyu sneers, his eyes glaring into yours. you feel a hot flash course through your body, your brows furrowing in confusion.

"beomgyu, what are you talking about? i wasn't flirting with yeonjun!" you feel sick at beomgyu even thinking to accuse you of something like that.

"yes you were, y/n! he was all over you and you just... you just let him! laughing and shit like he was the funniest guy in the world," beomgyu rolled his eyes, his voice raising slightly in tone.

it's as if everything goes from 0 to 100, the tension rising in the room quickly. your palms are sweaty and you can hear your heartbeat pounding in your ears, trying to not let the hot tears stinging from your eyes spill over. you're an angry crier and you hate it.

everyone in the world knows you and yeonjun are just friends, strictly friends, and that's it. you have been friends longer than you and beomgyu have been together. what surprised you the most is that beomgyu has never shown any type of discomfort with your friendship, so you have no idea where any of this is coming from.

"you know we're just friends. why is it suddenly a problem?" your voice is filled with tiredness and frustration, coming out weaker than intended. beomgyu, on the other hand, seems to be getting angrier and angrier with each word that leaves your mouth.

"are you fucking stupid, y/n? anyone could see how close you guys were tonight. stop acting like you didn't notice." his words are sharp and pierce through you, his head looking back down at the drawer despite already having a shirt in his hands.

"what the fuck, beomgyu?" your words crack on the last syllable. through all the arguments you have had, he has never had it in his right mind to degrade you, out of all things.

that was when you broke, the tears spilling past your eyes before you could even attempt to hold them back, hands shaking at your sides.

beomgyu wasn't looking at you—instead, his gaze was frozen the shirt gripped in his hand. his eyes looked far away and his chest was rising and falling at an unnatural rhythm.

"this isn't going to work," beomgyu whispers, dropping the shirt back into the drawer with a sigh. you watch as he tilts his head back to blink away incoming tears.

you feel that nasty feeling sitting deep in your gut because you know. you know these arguments aren't sustainable for a healthy relationship. you've ranted to your friends one too many times and went to bed crying one too many times.

your tears won't stop falling, and you're sure beomgyu can hear your quiet hiccups—nonetheless, he doesn’t move an inch.

"let's just go to bed," beomgyu mumbles, but you shake your head even though he's not looking in your direction.

"no, gyu, we need—we need to talk about this." you sound desperate, voice watery from your hot tears as you take a few steps closer to him.

"there's nothing to talk about. you look happier with yeonjun. i should just—i should just leave and—"

"will you stop for once, beomgyu? just stop, please." you reach up to touch his arm and that's when you see the steady stream of tears leaving his own eyes.

your heart shatters into a million pieces. this is the man you love, the man you're in love with, and you have no idea what's going through his head. your hand trails down his arm to find his shaky hand, interlacing your fingers together.

he doesn't pull away.

"i—i don't know what i can say right now to convince you that you are the only one i have eyes for. the only one i want to see every day. the only one i want to kiss and hug and touch and love," you begin softly, looking up at beomgyu who has his eyes squeezed shut. “but it’s the truth, gyu. i won’t let you leave after something so trivial.”

beomgyu’s tears pick up at the words, shaking his head as you speak. his eyes are full of guilt and regret as steps a little closer to you, squeezing your hand like it’s his lifeline. 

"i'm sorry. i’m sorry for calling you stupid. i’m so sorry," his eyes are rimmed red and your heart breaks at the sight. "i just—fuck y/n... i'm terrified of losing you. i just get so insecure when i see you have more fun with someone else and i can just picture you leaving me and it drives me fucking insane."

you nod slowly, acknowledging his feelings and taking a moment to actually hear him. amidst all the anger and insecurities, nothing but fondness sits in your heart when you look up at your boyfriend's face. he's struggling with his own battles, and all you can do is be there for him.

"we... we can work through this, gyu. i don't want anybody else, but you. i only need you."  your tears don't stop as you pull him closer, his body melting into yours as he cries into your hair.

"i don't know, gyu. maybe we can try therapy, if that's something you'd like. we'll go together, okay? we'll find a way," you speak into his warm chest and you feel him nod and let go of your hand briefly to wrap his arms around your waist. his body melts into yours as burying his face into your neck, inhaling the scent of your body wash.

"yeah, i'd like that," he replies and you let out a relieved breath of laughter.

"i love you. i’ll remind you every single day if that’s what you need," you mumble, a hand coming up to draw patterns on his chest as you guys rock side to side.

"i know. i'm sorry," beomgyu whispers back, kissing your neck softly. "i love you. so, so much."

reblogs are highly cherished! ★

masterlist

©️BEOM-PYU

[goldfades]

🧊 Quinn Hughes 🤭

congrats bb 🥹 so proud of you

THANK YOU SO MUCH BABE, ILY!!!!!!! AHHH<3

here is your angsty blurb lol. unintentionally inspired by 'you're losing me' by taylor LMAO (i was listening to it towards the end HAHAHA). i'm really sorry for this one guys..

you had never felt worse in your entire life, you swore.

when the start of hockey season had begun again, quinn was off on the road while you had to stay at home alone. now usually, you wouldn't mind this ─ travelling had never bothered you until now. quinn was pulling away, you could feel it. when he had come back from the lake house, something changed. you decided to opt out on this year's lake house trip because of work so quinn went alone but when he had come back, he felt different.

he was cold, couldn't touch or even look at you, his gaze felt unloving, something you hadn't experienced from him in your two years of dating. it was so unlike him that you didn't even know how to combat it or even bring it up. quinn had always been a communicator, he never kept in anything especially when it came to you. you were his best friend, he'd always say proudly.

now, it was different. much different.

as you washed the dishes in you and quinn's apartment, you couldn't even focus. today was the day that quinn was finally coming home after a few weeks of being on the road. usually, you'd be happy to see him but you just felt anxious at the thought.

over the last few weeks, quinn had only sent you a couple of messages including a snap, which he's never used consistently until now. he didn't update you on anything and he also never called once within those few weeks. that made you sick to your stomach, anxiety coursing through your veins as you thought of everything that could've happened that could have caused.

you were pulled out of your trance as you heard the front door open. "i'm home," he shouted out. his voice sounded exhausted and as you turned around, so did his face.

he had eye bags and his face was paler than usual, which wasn't really out the ordinary for him during the season. he was so caught up in everything that came with his career, he would forget to take care of himself.

you forced a smile, opening your arms for a small hug. he pulled away slowly after the hug, clearing his throat. "any food in the fridge?"

"yeah, i have some leftovers from lunch. chick-fil-a."

"again?" he mumbled, walking away from you and into the kitchen. usually, his tone would be playful but again, it just sounded cold.

you almost let out a laugh at how much of a bitch he was being, but you were too hurt to. "well i mean, you could've answered my texts asking what you wanted."

"you could've called."

that was when you couldn't let out the angry laugh at his audacity. "i could've called?"

quinn looked unbothered at your outburst, taking out the fries and placing one in his mouth. "yeah, that's what i said. you could have called," he repeated, this time really enunciating the words.

"i did call you, quinn, multiple times over the span of three weeks and you didn't bother even sending me an excuse!" you finally snapped, walking up to quinn and crossing your arms.

he let out an exhausted sigh and you felt a tiny bit of guilt blossom in your stomach. "i didn't have time."

what he really meant was, he didn't have time for you. you stood there almost defeated at how little he was giving. you'd rather be yelled at than treated like a little child. "quinn," you felt the tears brimming in your eyes as all the emotions building up these past couple of months finally were coming out.

there was a flash of empathy in his eyes before his cold demeanor had come back. "i-i'm sorry, i'll call next time. why are you crying?"

he put down the food, coming to your side. his presence still wasn't comforting, it just felt like he was forcing himself to care.

"i just missed you, the real you. the old you, quinn, the one who still gave a shit about how i feel." you sniffled quietly, brushing your tears from your cheeks.

"i do care, y/n. i just don't understand what you mean, the old me? i'm still me."

you looked back at him. his eyes still didn't feel understanding or kind, like they did before. "i know you don't understand." you were truly defeated now, looking down at your feet and sighing.

quinn stood there for a few seconds before sighing, letting his head fall back in exhaustion. he finally retreated to the kitchen, grabbing the food and his bags from the floor as he walked to your bedroom.

that was when you let out all the tears you had been feeling. the tears fell freely now, you sobbed into your hands as you thought about how quinn's distant behavior had you questioning the entirety of your relationship. you missed for the days when you were each other's best friends and confidants, but now, it seemed like you were living with a stranger.

you missed the old quinn, the one who used to prioritize your emotions and well-being. it was as if he had become a different person overnight and you were struggling to comprehend the reasons behind this transformation.

you stood in the kitchen, tears streaming down your face, you couldn't help but question what had caused quinn to change so drastically. was it the pressures of his career or had something else come between you two?

MY 100 FOLLOWER CELLY!

[slaytheprofessor]

"Oh, is there going to be a test?" you say innocently, batting your eyes as your Rebel's enthusiasm begins to take you over. "What's it on? History? Biology? Should I be breaking out my Algebra knowledge?"

The Professor (Blank): You are well aware what this test is about.

The Professor (Zany): No, no, no, we can do a guessing game! Here, you try and guess what the test's about, and if you guess wrong, I'll do a buzzer noise, but if you guess right---

The Guide: The professor splits again.

The Guide: This one has heavy bags under his eyes, ratted hair, and a wholly unsettling grin. As he examines you, you feel a jolt of pure, cold fear.

The Professor (Cruel): Come now, my dear, let's not play around, shall we? I see the knife that you're failing to hide.

Voice of the Researcher: Well, shit.

The Professor (Cruel): *laughs, high-pitched and for a full minute* Decided to push your rebellious streak to its limit, have you? What do you say about that?

The Professor (Strict): Oh, suspension for sure, for bringing a weapon to school. Perhaps even expulsion.

The Professor (Zany): *nervous* Hang on, now, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for this. Have you been having some trouble at home? Maybe you've been getting bullied a little?

The Professor (Strict): Or fallen in with the wrong crowd---

The Professor (Sad): Who even cares? I can confiscate it if it means that much to you, but you'll probably figure out a way to get it back.

The Professor (Cruel): Maybe I'll lock you in the supply closet so you can't get it back. The janitor will likely find you during his rounds.

Voice of the Rebel: Uh... I don't think I like this one?

Voice of the Researcher: Look, we need to nip this in the bud, now. We're not asking him any more questions, and we're not entertaining this classroom bullshit.

Voice of the Rebel: But---*anxious little laugh* H-hang on, let's think about this! There's gotta be a way to figure this out, right? I don't think we've hit the limit yet---

The Guide: I agree with her.

Voice of the Rebel: Yeah, of course you agree with her! Of course you don't want to listen to me! Never mind that I'm the one here who sees through your bullshit!

The Guide: What do you mean?

Voice of the Rebel: *harsh laugh* Come on, asshole, you can't tell us what's going on because this place is keeping your mouth shut? That's the flimsiest fucking excuse I've ever heard! You're just keeping us in the dark for kicks at best, and at worst, it's because you don't want to admit that you're making us into the villain here!

The Guide: I am not! I never have! If you knew what he did---

Voice of the Rebel: And what did he do?! This fucking beanpole of a man whose brain is so fucked up that he can't even comprehend that he's a prisoner? How is he the danger here, and not the freaky voice in our head?!

Voice of the Researcher: Hey, we're also freaky voices in her head---

Voice of the Rebel: Well, he's different, isn't he?

Voice of the Researcher: I don't think he is! And I'm not too jazzed about killing the professor, even when he's like this, but at least I'm not doing stupid shit in the name of pissing the only person here who's trying to help us off!

Voice of the Rebel: Fuck you. *voice breaks* FUCK you both.

The Guide: Like it or not, you have to make a decision now. For all of us.

Voice of the Researcher: Just do what you feel like you have to. Don't listen to any of us. Go with your gut.

The Guide: And hopefully... hopefully, this will fix itself.

The Guide: *softer* Rebel? Are---

Voice of the Rebel: *voice thick with emotion* She can do whatever the hell she wants.

[happy-beeeps]

Day 6/7: Gifts and Stars

Summary: After educating Din on the holidays of your home system, you realize you forgot to get him a gift for one of the most important.

WC: 3.4k oops

Warnings: 18+ CONTENT NSFW MINORS DNI!!!!! Massage, fingering, handjob, p-in-v sex, reader is afab. Unprotected sex, wrap it before you tap it! Soft smut!!!

A/N: okok so I've alreaady lost the plot but my goal is to get 8 AND 9 out tomorrow so I'm back on track. As an apology, please expect 3.5k words of gratituots Din smut and feelings.

18+ Only Below the Cut

Din had been incredibly receptive the first time you told him about the holidays of your home system. He had celebrated your family and home together during the festival of the hearth, had cooked local foods during the independence celebration. Now, it was time for your favorite holiday, and the one you were most anxious about.

Amordi wasn’t, like, entirely a holiday built around sex. It wasn’t not that but, like any good holiday, there was a fable behind it.

Of course, no one really knew the fable anymore but, there was a point—at some point.

What Amordi was now was an excuse to be in love, or to celebrate being in love. Little kids would pick each other flowers, or shower their parents in handmade gifts. Friends would spend the day together, gushing over one another with platonic love and declarations of a friendly devotion.

Couples… did a number of things.

The hip, young people were taking spice, claiming that the drug made them connect with their partners and made getting physical all the more sensational. Older couples spent the day holding hands, looking at holovids of their weddings, pampering each other with the kind of devotion only decades can bring.

You hadn’t really thought about you and Din—didn’t even tell him about it. How do you tell your partner, “Hey, there’s a holiday coming up, and it’s expected you’re going to give me a shit ton of gifts and also the fucking of a lifetime?” You just decided to avoid it altogether.

That is, until the early evening of Amordi, when Din placed a small, wooden box on the table in front of you, while you were busy trying to spoon feed an incredibly angry 50-year-old baby.

“Happy Amordi.” He said, sitting down beside you and tapping his thumb on your chin. “I hope you like it.”

You nearly dropped the spoon in shock. Fuckkriffdankferrik how had he found out? How had he known-

“I can use the holonet too, you know?” Was his response to what must have been a look of sheer terror, and he laughed at the blush that now painted your face.

“Figured you were too old for that.”

He placed a hand on his chest and rocked back in a gesture of fake wounding. “Just open the present.”

You did as you were told, opening the small wooden box to reveal a beautiful, thin bangle of shiny metal. Along the side was a carefully inscribed mudhorn surrounded by a collection of small stars, and the realization hit you.

“Din, this is beskar.”

“I know.”

“This must have cost you a fortune,”

“It didn’t, she owed me a favor.” He picked up the delicate bracelet, how it sent a flutter down your stomach to see how delicate things looked in his hands, and showed you how to open and close it; a small clasp on the side. “It would’ve been worth it anyways.”

The she was not lost on you, and the implications of the armorer standing over her forge, making you a bracelet? It was enough to bring tears to your eyes. “Din, really, this is too much.”

“But look how well you wear our crest.”

It’s the softness in his voice when he says “our” that gets you, and you place a hand on the cheek of his helmet, kicking yourself for not shutting the windows already. “It’s beautiful, Din. I can’t thank you enough.”

An hour later, and you’re trying to find a way to thank him enough. You don’t have time to go into town, it’s at least a half hour each way on the speeder, and you are not an efficient shopper. His birthday isn’t for a few months, so you haven’t gotten his gift yet. In fact, the two of you decided to forgo Life Day gifts, choosing instead to deck out Grogu’s nursery with all the bits and bobs he could ever need. Now, as Din settles the baby to sleep in the other room, you’re panicking.

Your closet is a nightmare, and you don’t even know how you acquired so much shit. Like, truly, there is so much shit in here. And none of it is helpful. At the very bottom of a pile of your things, you find a small, black wrapped package you remember picking up the one time Din took you on to a quarry on Canto Bight. An idea pops into your head. It’s a little tacky, and admittedly a cop out, but you’ll make it up to him tomorrow with a nice breakfast and something from town. For now, this will have to do.

When Din walks into the room, you’re smitten by the way the soft candlelight reflects off of his armor. You’re perched on the edge of the bed in a short, satin robe, a deep blue with shimmering stars sprayed across it. Next to you is a bottle of oil, something fancy he had gotten you on Naboo once, and you gesture to your bed. “It’s time for your gift.”

If you could see his eyebrows, you know they’d be cocked. One hand falls to his hip as the other lifts his helmet off his head, freeing his face to you at last. His expression is skeptical, but he’s grinning. “Are you the gift?”

“Please,” you scoff, motioning him to sit down and guiding him by the shoulders. The house Karga had gifted you was the perfect size for your family but, you and Din being the selfless parents you were, had chosen the smaller room. There was something so domestic about his form, large and demanding, in the small space, made even smaller by the fact that you refused to compromise on the size of the bed. “I’m giving you a massage.”

Din doesn’t say anything at first, but he does move to help you with all the buckles and clasps of his armor. Soon enough, he’s clad in just his underlayers, and you’re quick to help him out of his shirt, exposing his tanned, scarred skin to you.

“Stop oogling me,” he says, but there’s no venom in his words. Instead, his barb lands exactly where it should, and you gently push him backwards onto your bed, and poke at his hips.

“Move, flip over.”

“This is so romantic,” he says, deadpan, “I love when you prod me like a bluurg.” He listens, of course, and moves to lay tummy down on the bed.

Now it’s your turn to roll your eyes, and you hoist yourself up and perch yourself on the squishy part of his ass. You reach off too the side (earning a grunt from Din) and drip some of the oil onto your hands, rubbing them together to warm it up. Once you feel it’s been adequately warmed, you drag your hands from his lower back up to his shoulders and press. 

The groan Din lets out is genuinely orgasmic. You’re not sure he’s ever made a sound like that before, and to hear it at the result of your hands is… a little enticing. You work the tense muscles there, pushing your knuckles and the pads of your fingers into the knots so tense they feel like they’re made of duracrete.

“Kriff, what do you do all day, carry around bricks?”

“No, just you and the kid.” 

You send a poke to his side and his laugh rumbles through the mattress. You work him slowly, hands coming up his neck to rub at the tender spots you know his helmet digs. They drag down, along his lower back and the base of his underwear, rubbing the sore expanse of skin there. Din says little, save for “that feels good,” or “kriff, there’s a spot.” His voice is muffled into your bed, and you don’t miss the way he slowly melts like butter beneath your hands.

You figured when it was all said and done, you’d make out, fuck, and go to sleep. You know, like adults. It’s Din, it takes very little for you to want to jump his bones, and today wasn’t an exception. What you don’t expect is for the heat in your belly to grow with every tender press of your hand, or the way his groans sound deeper, more guttural with each push. You relish in the sweet joy of caring for a man who has made it his soul purpose to care for you, to protect you.

You often forget this is a man who has killed, killed for you before. You often forget how little you’ve grown to mind it.

You treat him so softly it makes your heart throb. Din deserves every good thing in this world, every buttery breakfast pastry from the cafe that just opened in town to the freshest pot of caf in the morning. You’re almost at the brink of moving beyond turned on and into pure, uncorrupted adoration when Din groans and unexpectedly pushes backwards against you, causing you to fall off of his back and onto the other side of the bed.

He sits up, then moves off the bed, standing at its foot. You simply stare up at him, his tall form, completely armorless in front of you, heart fluttering at the way his eyes rake the rest of your body.

He reaches to grab you, his hands fitting under the crooks of your arms and hoists you towards him, pulling you up off the bed and standing in front of him. His fingers fall to the soft silk of your robe, and drip down to the thin tie, dangling limply in front of your now aching core.

“Wanna give you another gift.”

“Din, I’ve hardly even given you a gift.”

“You’ve given me plenty, cyar’ika.”

His hand is tugging at the tie in an instant, and the traitorous bow falls loose almost immediately. You stand before him in the rest of the set, the lacy little thing you’d bought when you were waiting around for him in Canto Bight. It matches the robe, and his eyes water at the sight.

“The stars match my bracelet.” Is all you can offer him, feeling suddenly so exposed and so incredibly turned on. You need him now, and need him bad, more than you think you’ve needed him since the day you two got married.

“Sweet–I can’t even say the things I want to say to you now when you act so sweet.” His voice is flustered, deep. His eyes are darkened with lust and he snakes one hand around your waist, the other playing with a piece of hair that dangles dangerously close to your breast. “Want to do so much for you, mesh’la. Want to make the rest of your life so easy.”

“I don’t need easy, I just need you.” You whisper, and the sound he makes in response sends a shockwave to your core.

He’s on you in an instant, lips crashing onto yours in a kiss equal parts passionate and longing, like he’s been waiting to devour you for a lifetime. You can taste the wine you shared at dinner on his breath, and it shoots a spark in your brain. You will love this man for the rest of time and even then you’d find a way to come back to him.

His lips move to your neck as his arms guide you softly to the bed, your back flush with the mattress. It’s warm from where he was laying earlier, and he moves his body on top of yours, caging you in. You’re completely surrounded by Din–his scent, his body. You’re completely in bliss.

He kisses you further, dropping his lips from your neck, to your collarbone, to the soft curve of your breast, his hand snaking underneath you to shimmy your bra open. He breaks for a moment when he does to give you a moment to shimmy the garment off, and runs a hand through his hair.

“I will never get enough of you.” He says, thumb rubbing a soft circle against your peaked nipple. He launches back down to you a moment later, his tongue replacing his hand. He sucks at the tender flesh of your breast, nipping at the soft bud, and his hands begin to snake down your hips, hooking under your panties and you shimmy a bit so he can pull them clean off. One hand presses your hip firmly into the mattress, while the other makes soft, circular motions along your inner thigh. You try to buck into his touch but his hand presses harder, and you can feel him laugh against your breast.

“Din, please,” you beg, and he breaks away for a moment, his hand sending a soft, teasing touch against your slit. When he finds it nearly completely soaked, he groans, his head burying itself in your neck. 

“You are so good to me, so soft and perfect.”

He sucks at your neck then moves back to kiss you, a finger moving to make slow languid circles against your clit.

The sensation makes you cry out into his mouth, and he quickens his pace just slightly before pushing a digit inside of you. The sensation of being filled at all has you near begging him to do something, anything, for how bad you need him. 

“Din, please, need you,”

“I haven’t given you your gift yet,” is all he says when he breaks your kiss, smirking at you slightly. Din is quiet, never too chatty, and you’re always surprised by the sudden bold streak he gets in bed. 

He slips another finger in and hooks justright, and quickens his pace along your clit, his movements eager. He knows how to work your body, knows each spot to press, each motion to do. It’s one of the blissful things about him, how easily the two of you can read each other.

It also means he can read that the coil in your belly has tightened rather dramatically, and you’re just about to snap.

“Come on baby, let me feel you,” he murmurs as presses at just the right spot on your clit, hooks just the right spot inside that you swear only he can reach. You’re cumming around his fingers near instantly, your orgasm sending tingles down your spine, through your fingers. 

Instead of breaking away and immediately moving to remove his pants, as you’d hoped, he shifts down, moving himself so his face is right in front of your core, pressing slow, sloppy kisses to your thigh.

No, no no. You wanted to treat him this was supposed to be his gift. You’re already one orgasm in the whole, and you won’t last long with his mouth on you.

“No, Din, wait,” you start, and he backs up immediately.

“What’s wrong, do you want to stop?”

“Yes, but it’s because I need you in my mouth,” you start, moving towards him as he backs up onto his knees, and you push the waistband of both his pants and boxers down. You see the slight panic in his eyes calm at this, and he helps you remove his clothes, but he pauses when you reach for his cock, throbbing and already leaking precum.

“But what if I need you on my mouth?” He replies, and you groan, trying again to reach for him. He’s soclose and looks so good from here, you can’t resist him. 

“Din, seriously, this is your gift,”

“I feel like we’re past that, let me,”

“How about,” you pause, finally catching him and begin slowly pumping his cock in your hand. You can see him fight the groan that threatens to come out of his mouth, “We call it even and you just fuck me?”

He takes no time in considering your offer, replying with a short “deal.” Before picking you up and flipping you on your stomach.

Oh fuck, you’re in for it, you’ve taunted him and now you’re in for it. You had him facedown on this bed earlier, you should’ve know he’d be waiting for it. One of his calloused hands moves itself under your hips and brings you up, and you can feel his tip pressing against your soaked entrance as you rise.

“Are you ready for me, gorgeous girl?” He murmurs, taking a moment to press a kiss between your shoulder blades and bring your hair out from your face.

It’s cute, it’s romantic, but you need to be fucked immediately. You try and respond in a way that seems sultry, but you swear it comes out more like a yelp when you respond, “Fuck yes oh my gods.”

He pushes into you slowly, cursing the entire way. You try to fight the moan that comes on but you relent as he pushes deeper, his length once again finding every single spot inside you that threatens to have you undone after one push.

He starts his strokes slowly, hands grabbing tenderly at the flesh of your ass. He feels so good like this, pressed against you fully to the hilt, and you quite literally cannot even fathom the concept of ever feeling this good ever again, even though you know each time is better than the last.

He begins to quicken his thrusts, moving at a fast, hard speed that has you being pushed forward into the mattress with every motion. His grip on your ass tightens, and you relish in the small pinpricks of pain and the knowledge that you know there’ll be a bruise there tomorrow.

You’re getting wetter by the second, and one of his hands moves itself downwards to make a sloppy, but phenomenal, move to your clit.

“You’re, so good to me.” You pant out in response, and he groans. You can see his head dipped back over your shoulder, his adams apple bobbing.

“You’re so good to me. Wanna marry you over and over again, too perfect, too good.”

His words have that all too familiar rush of pleasure start to surge through you, and you gasp as his thrusts become deeper, harder. He starts back up again. “Won’t ever leave, can’t ever leave. There’s nowhere in this galaxy I’d rather be than right here, love you, love you so much.”

Those words enough, mixed with his quickening and brutal pace, having you clamping down on his cock, cumming harder than you think you ever have. Din’s romantic, passionate, and dare you say emotional. That being said, you can count on maybe two hands the amount of times he’s ever said the words “I love you.” A few more in mando’a, but the words “I love you,” have struggled to be said. You’ve never not felt them, he says it in ways so specific to him, but the raw emotion in his voice, the way it cracks a bit at the words “so much,” has you cumming hard.

He responds immediately, and you feel him quicken and then falter, as he cums deep inside you. There’s a moment, a breath, where the two of you bask in one another, in the heat of the moment, before he pulls away and out of you.

You’re happy to flop down onto the bed, and a look over your shoulder shows you Din in the tiny fresher attached to the bedroom, running a towel under the warm water of the sink and returning to run it along your folds. He presses a kiss to your shoulder blade before tossing the towel in the laundry and climbing in bed, moving to sit on top of you.

“You’re gonna suffocate me,” you grumble, trapped beneath his weight.

“Are you calling me heavy?”

“Yes.”

He laughs, uninhibitedly, and you wonder what he’s doing before you smell the familiar, floral aroma of your body oil, and feel his hands rub along your back. You happily melt into him, mumbling, “this was a pretty good gift, right?”

He says nothing, but runs a ticklish touch across your ribs, so you know he agrees. You lay there, happy to be molded by him, and bask in the warm silence of the room. After a moment, he speaks up, quietly but assuredly.

“Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum.”

Your breath catches from his words and the well timed push on your ribs, but you do your best to shift beneath him, and catch a glimpse of his brown eyes, illuminated in the warm candle light.

“Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum.”

[writer-kermit]

tight dress, loose pajamas.

❥ PAIRING: TOORU OIKAWA x GN!READER

❥ GENRE: SMUT

❥ COMMISSIONED OR SELF-MADE: SELF-MADE

❥ WORD COUNT: 1.0k

ঞ ~ SUMMARY: Oikawa spoils you after you got promotion. During that, he discovers a new kink of yours. What shall he do with it?

ᰔ KERMIT'S NOTE: THIS IS THE FIRST FIC OF 2023!! If you want commissions, DM me or visit my Ko-Fi. If you want, I'm also drawing commissions too! Thanks for the support!

ʚ WARNING: NSFW, Sensual biting, Teasing, Tickling Kink, Erotic Tickling, Overstimulation, Oral Sex, Oikawa. MINORS!! PLEASE GO AWAY.

“I’m home.” You said, your voice echoing across the hallway. “Welcome back, love.” Toru Oikawa replied while walking to the entrance. You both shared an embrace. He lifted your chin to kiss your cheeks and lips. “Did you have a good time?” “Yes! I’m sorry it took longer than usual.” Oikawa then had a reassuring laugh. “It’s okay [....]. You were celebrating your promotion after all.”

Oh, that’s right. Your colleagues wanted to host a party after you earned your promotion as an advisor. You had dinner, played party events, and even got the courage to do some karaoke. Although you enjoy your time with your co-workers, you preferred your husband over anyone else.

“Would you like anything to eat? I made some treats after practice.” He asked you. “No, thank you dear. Let’s just go to bed.” Oikawa was surprised by your answer but abided regardless. Who doesn’t want to relax after a long day at “work?”

-

Oikawa observed you silently as you removed your formal wear. He took note of your body features, such as your skin, stretchmarks, and especially your curves. You caught him staring at you twice, but he didn’t react differently. “Am I that appealing to you?” You asked him.

“Well, appealing is an understatement.” You laughed at his comment. Once you made yourself ready, you plopped down on the bed. Oikawa then pulled you closer to him. He then peppered lazy kisses on your ears, nose, cheeks, and lips.

“I missed you so much. Did you know that?” He purred, placing tiny kisses on your neck. “Mnn…” You sighed. Oikawa chuckled warmly as his hand slid under your shirt. His fingers gently traced around your skin. Well, too gently.

“Pffthehehe…” You giggled sheepishly. “Hm? Is something funny?” Oikawa asked, his fingers still rendering across your stomach. “N-no dear,” you replied. “It just… It kind of tickles when you touch me.” Oikawa then stopped abruptly and stared at you. “Does it now?” He said in disbelief. You nodded shyly and his cocky smirk appeared.

“Well then, you don’t mind if I continue, do you?” You held on to your breath. This feeling was unusual. However, it was enjoyable. You sighed and nodded hesitantly, and Oikawa kissed your lips sweetly.

“Thank you for trusting me. I promise I will be gentle.” You felt your heart race rapidly as he lifted your shirt, revealing your bare chest. You let out an anxious giggle as you felt Oikawa’s warm hands against your sides. Without warning, his fingers dug into your skin.

“Hyaah! Waitwaitwait!” You squealed. “I- I wahahasn’t-” “You didn’t need to be ready [....].” Oikawa whispered against your ear, causing you to giggle. He planted more ticklish kisses against your neck and collarbone as his fingers went under your underarms. “Ehahaha! T-Toru…!” You whined, slightly arching your back.

“What? You want me to touch you here?” Oikawa then squeezed your hardened nipples. He smiled to himself as he heard mixtures of your laughter and moans. “Just how ticklish are you?” He asked. “I’m getting kind of hungry. So excuse me if you will.” You almost shrieked as you felt teeth nibbling against your ribcage.

“Wahahaha! Nohoho!” You laughed once more. Oikawa giggled along with you as he nibbed on your skin. His hands rested on your hips as he continued down to your midriff. He nipped your navel teasingly right before stopping at your sex.

“Hehehe. Are you okay?” Oikawa asked you. From his point of view, you looked like melted jelly. Your face was red with embarrassment, and your hips and legs were trembling. But even after all of that, you were still giggling. “M-mhm..” You replied. “But you’re trembling love. Could it be that you’re turned on?” You bit your lip and squeezed your legs together. Looks like Oikawa has gotten his answer.

“C’mere you…” Oikawa purred. You immediately jolted as you felt his fingers attack your inner thighs. “WAAH! Nonono nohohot thehehere!” You whined again. “Why? Tickles too much?” Of course it did! His fingers went dangerously close to your aching spot. You twitched and squirmed every pinch, squeeze, and tickle you felt. You watched Oikawa carefully as he stripped off your pants and underwear. “Look at you. You’re all sensitive just from me tickling you.” He laughed.

“Mnnhehehe… Toru…” You moaned. “You’re so impatient baby,” He teased, “I’ll be dining on you now.” With that, Oikawa placed his mouth inside of you hungrily. You moaned happily as you felt his tongue lap around every tender bit. “Ahaahha.. T-Toru..” You whimpered. Oikawa let out reassuring hums as he rubbed your ass, stimulating you further.

“Oh god…” He grunted. “The more noises you make, the more it’s turning me on too…” He then rushed to remove his pants and boxers, revealing his erected cock. “Toru please, I… I want you…” You whined. “I want you too love, just hold on to me.” He slowly pushed himself inside of you. You threw your head back at the first thrust, but soon relaxed at the second one. Toru placed his hands on your hips, but then started to squeeze and claw on them.

“aaAAHAH?!” You cackled, desperately trying to keep your composure. “I never said I would stop~” Oikawa sang. You certainly didn’t expect this outcome. He kissed your lips as he continued to tickle you. Hearing your voice was like music to his ears.

“Ahaaahahaa! Toru! Toruuu…” You panted, still trying your best to hold on to your lover. You feel yourself tighten as every thrust strengthens. This feeling was unusual, but god–why did it feel so good? Hell, you even came before Toru did, that must have felt embarrassing. Toru then came on your stomach and collapsed beside you.

“You did…So amazing [....].” Oikawa said, wrapping his arms around you. “T-Thank you…” You hiccuped. “But I never knew I was able to feel like this during sex.” “Hmm., perhaps it’s a new kink.” Your heart jumped when you heard the word kink.

“A k-kink?!” You blushed. “Ahaha… I’m not sure about that dear.” Oikawa’s lips then curved into a sneer again. “Shall we find out again?” He asked you, wiggling his fingers impishly. “Uhh, maybe in–Waah! In the morning! In the morning!” You laughed as Oikawa tickled you once more. At this rate, the two of you won’t even have pajamas to wear anymore.

[cherrb333]

The lost hamato sibling

chapter 1:a new mission

Raph wasn't one to lose focus so easily, but when he suddenly felt a strike of energy that was not his own during a battle with Hypno, he completely let his guard down as he gasped, suddenly feeling the smash of his head against the brick wall behind him, sending him barreling through. His brothers called for him in fear as he groaned through the headache that now banged against his head. It was as if some sort of energy had surged through him that wasn't his own, and left him feeling safer than usual. He sat up, rubble dropping off of him as dust flew away in the wind. He wondered what the heck that was? He shook his head before jumping back into battle, reassuring his brothers he was just fine, just a little headache. He could take it, like a boss! And so, the four continued to fight. It was a relatively easy fight after that. They fell into a rhythm, and Raph had almost forgotten about the weird energy from earlier, almost. Soon, they were finished, and they were all sweating profusely. 

“Ughhh, disgusting! I got Raph’s fight to stink all over me!” Leo complained as he frowned, swinging his sword over his shoulder as he held a playful grin on his face, despite Raph’s growls in warning, he poked Raph’s forehead. Soon, the other three started joining Leo in his teasing of their brother. Raph shook his head, rolling his eyes as he began jumping through the nearby manhole.

“Stop making fun of Raph’s stink!” raph huffed, as he landed on the floor of the sewer followed by his other three brothers. Leo chuckled, leaning against his brother’s spiky shoulder. He raised an eyebrow at the spikey snapper in question, eyes glinted with mischief.

“Aw, but you’re so easy to make fun of~” Leo’s smirk grew at Raph’s furrowed eyebrows. Raph sighed, shrugging off Leo’s obvious attempt to rile up his big brother. The four began their trek home, all talking loudly to each other as usual. They soon made it back to the lair, where their father was waiting patiently on his chair where he usually was, watching his TV shows. They were about to begin going their separate ways but were stopped by their father, who looked more serious than he usually was, which meant he had something important to tell them. They all stopped, going back into the living room and sitting in front of their father, who sighed, leaning back in his chair. The small rat man stroked his beard anxiously. This thing was obviously big if Splinter was this intensely anxious. He took a deep breath in and out, beginning to raise his hand to quiet down his sons who were all asking him questions.

“My sons. There…is something I have failed to tell you…as you know, you are mutated turtles I rescued when you were babies. But, I have not told you that….you are not the only turtles I have tried and failed to rescue that day. There…was another, you had a younger sister.” The boys all stayed silent. Their eyes widened at the information, shock causing them to freeze as they all stared incredulously at their father. “I…I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, I…I wanted to find her first before I told you…but I realize that you probably deserved to know..” splinter continued. Ranting in guilt, he looked down at his clawed hands. “I just…you have to realize I was coming to terms with the whole mutation thing at the time, adding to that, the guilt of losing her was so much, and I know that shouldn't be an excuse, but I truly am sorry. I truly wish I had told you sooner” he sighed as he scratched his chin. It was silent for a good minute before the youngest of the four, Michelangelo spoke up first.

“You mean I have another sibling? And I'm not the youngest? Ohhhh baby!” he squealed as the other three all looked at their brother blinking. Mikey, always the emotional one, immediately accepted the apparently fifth sibling without even meeting her. Raph smiled to himself at his no longer youngest brother's antiques. Mikey had a way of brightening everyone’s mood, even when everyone was absolutely miserable. He was the light of the family and always has been, and Raph was really proud of his little guy big man. Of course, he was also terrified of Mikey’s alter egos. Every time he pulled a Doctor. Delicate Touch, raph felt shivers go up his spine. While Mikey was super excited at the news, raph was conflicted. All this time, they had another sibling, one that was currently probably suffering, and didn't have a Raph to protect them. Despite never meeting this supposed ‘fifth sibling’, all three of them started accepting them in their own way, except for Donnie, ever the logical, it was very likely that this fifth sibling would probably be completely difficult to get along with considering the probably very different environments they would grow up in. but, deep down, he knew he would love them, even if he struggled to show emotions, he wasn't heartless, the opposite in fact. He just had a harder time regulating his emotions. Splinter smiled sadly as his sons shot question after question at him, answering most of them before he held his hands up to tell them he was going to speak.

“Yes yes. You must be wondering why now? Why not tell us earlier.” he began, placing his claws back on the chair’s arm where he had it before.

“It was because I thought you were too young, I didn't want to burden you with the weight of having a missing sister” he sighed, looking down at where the hem of his robe ended and the furry legs began.

“But, I can no longer ignore it. My sons, I have recently discovered that your sister is…in the clutches of an old….uh, friend turned enemy of mine” Splinter furrowed his eyebrows as he looked up at his sons.

“And, seeing as you have managed to get yourselves into lots of trouble and came out almost unscathed without my noticing,” he looked at each one who all laughed nervously, Mikey climbing up his oldest brother’s spikes to hide behind,

“I am asking you for your help in getting her back. This mission will be hard. She has been under…my enemies' manipulation for to long. She will not come on her own,” he informed his sons, who all nodded. 

“Don't worry pops. We promise. Raph’s not gonna leave any sibling behind.” he smashed his hands together as a show of how serious he was. Everyone nodded in agreement, and Donnie held a mechanical thumbs up while typing away on his phone. Splinter smiled, nodding, and relaxing his shoulders.

“Thank you, my sons,” he picked up the remote, reaching it forward as he swiped his hand nonchalantly.

“Now, shoo shoo~ I want to watch my TV shows” The four all exited the living room with a new thought on their mind. They all looked at each other before Mikey started swinging from Raph’s spikes

“Oh, mi gosh! Guys! We have a little sister! This is so exciting” Mikey giggled, rubbing his cheek affectionately on Raph’s head as he climbed to sit on his shoulders. Raph churred back in response. Donnie nodded, eyes somewhat sparkling in interest as he turned to his brothers.

“I wonder what type of turtle she will be? I hope we find out soon so that I can make the proper accommodations. We haven't even talked about sleeping arrangements for when we get her back from whoever father’s enemy is…wish he gave more info than just, an old enemy. But, ya win some ya lose some as they would say” Donnie started ranting, stimming as he tapped away on his tech gauntlet showing his brothers the different turtle species that their sister could be. Leo portaled away about a minute into Donnie’s info dump about turtle anatomy. He landed on his bed in his room, rants silencing him as he closed the portal, now completely alone with his thoughts. He felt a little skeptical about this supposed sister still, who was to say she wasn't a part of the villains and was on that side because they wanted to be, not because they were forced... They didn't know her, so who was to say that Leo was wrong? He glared at the wall of his little room, debating this topic. Despite this, deep down Leo wished his sister to be safe wherever she was.

Renai groaned as she hauled the last box into her new apartment. Her mother had given her the keys to this place as she was about to leave, telling her that she would be getting a partner who would be watching over her, another fighter in the battle nexus who would essentially be her babysitter, as she was still too young to be on her own. She groaned when Big Mama said this. She didn't need a babysitter! She was grown up, she could take care of herself. She had before, she can now! She told Big Mama this but was immediately silenced. Nothing would change her mother’s mind, she found. So, despite her displeasure, she would have to suck it up. She frowned as she stared up at the ceiling of her apartment. Tomorrow she would head up to the surface to begin searching for the turtles, but for now, she wanted to curl in a ball underneath the heat lamp she kept in her room back at the battle nexus.

“Usagi has entered the building!” She was interrupted by a crash as the door to the apartment was all but thrown open, a little dino came rushing in as a yokai followed behind glancing over a box, she caught a glimpse of rabbit ears. Oh no. not him! He came barreling into the apartment almost tripping as he placed his box down in the kitchen, placing his hands on his hips to look at the younger yokai, only for his face to twist in disgust.

“Ugh, what are you doing here!?” she complained, crossing her arms as she sulked in a corner. Usagi smirked sluggishly, ears perking up from where he had them tied together. He was wearing his usual blue kimono, this one however more casual than the one he wore in the battle nexus. His katana still sat sheathed at his hip, blue yarn hanging from the hilt and the crest of his family stood out on his chest. It seemed he would still be wearing it no matter what. Usagi raised an eyebrow cockily.

“Uh, I'm here to babysit you obviously? Jeez, did Mama not tell her precious and prized daughter for once?” he walked closer to her, bending down so he was perfectly in her face. She growled and was about to punch him when they were interrupted by a bellhop who came in with the rest of Usagi’s luggage. 

“I don't need you to babysit me,” she growled, crossing her arms as she brushed down her blouse Mama insisted she wear. The purple didn't really fit her, but it kept her safe from people who didn't like Big Mama and wanted to get at her without actually being near her or even being close. She was also given a gem that would listen in on the conversations with the turtles.

It was a beautiful jade, very mystic but the mystic energy was hidden with a cloaking spell. Very well made, expected of Big Mama, who was essentially the queen of the battle nexus. Renai continued to glare at her enemy as he began unpacking his stuff, thanking the bellhop before he left. Sighing, Renai turned away from the irritating rabbit, bending down to grab the carrier and pulling it into her lap to greet her cat before opening it to let said cat out. The cat immediately jumped out, walking over to the dino to sniff him curiously. The small dino churred back at the cat as he rubbed his head on the cat. It seemed despite their owners' rivalry the dino and cat loved each other. Renai gasped in betrayal as she watched Rue suck up to the enemy's pet. How could she? Not her baby! She immediately stood up, pulling Rue away from the dino. The cat meowed in protest glaring up at her owner. She clawed at the three-fingered hands that held her, but Renai ignored the pain stubbornly. She turned away with a humph before walking to her room with the protesting cat, slamming the door behind her. She placed her cat on the floor, apologizing before dropping down to sit with her knees pressed to her face, staring at the claw marks on her fingers. She felt the slight sting as the air reacted with them, watching as a small amount of her blood dripped out before they started patching up quickly(fast healing). She sighed, staring forward at her cat, stewing in the corner, completely ignoring her owner. Renai frowned as she tapped the ground anxiously. She knew it was stupid to cry about this, but she really didn't want to be partners with Usagi of all people, he hated her. It was so obvious with the way he acted. He always judged her because she was Mama’s kid, not really looking past that. Everyone did that. It made her feel worse about herself. She wasn't numb to the whispers she would get when she was at her mother’s social gatherings. There were people out there that hated her for being Mama’s kid, and ‘ a stuck-up snob’. She was none of the things the people insisted on calling her, and sometimes the words would get to her, like now. Not only did the world hate her, but now her cat did too.

She sniffled, ducking her head further into her shell, hiding from the world so they weren't able to see her tears. She hated having one more thing to be made fun of, but she couldn't help it, mama always said she was too dramatic. Soon, she was fully into her shell, tears spilling like a waterfall that landed on the inside of her plastron as she curled further into her shell. Her tail stayed tucked in as the muffled sounds of her quiet cries filled the room. She tried desperately to stay as quiet as possible, knowing that Usagi was right on the other side of the door. She hated this.

Why had Mama forced her to leave her room at the battle nexus, why had she been assigned a babysitter? Hasn't she done enough to prove she can handle this herself? Her lip trembled as the thoughts soon consumed her, sending her spiralling deep into the torture that was her mind. Constant words that hurt worse than any wound she had inflicted within the battle nexus ran through her head like a mosquito. All the words that had been whispered when people thought she wasn't listening came crashing against her fragile mind, shattering her so much that curled as far as she could into her shell in hopes of hiding away. She scratched at her head with her fingers, digging into her scaled skin where her marks sat, desperate to claw her way out of her betraying mind that seemed against her as well. Her eyes began to sting at some point, raw from the tears, but she couldn't care less as her eyes drooped close, drained completely from the emotional strain her mind had put her through. Soon, it became too much just to stay awake, and she fell into a fitful sleep. It seemed the words followed her into a nightmare that caused her to move violently in her sleep. That night, she couldn't stay asleep, nightmares of the cutting words of both her mother and those around her haunting her behind her eyes.

Unaware of the person who had been listening the entire time. Turns out, she wasn't as quiet as she thought she was…

Masterpost Previous next

[elusivecagedmockingbird]

Now That We Don't Talk

[seokjin x reader, slight hoseok x reader] [1.3k+ lovers to strangers, angst, suggestive content] A/N: Loosely based on 1989 vault tracks: Is It Over Now? and Now That We Don't Talk. I might write another drabble loosely based on a song for Hoseok x Reader. I'm thinking of picking up the story from the end of this one. As always, all stories I write and share here are an attempt to get back into creative writing; I truly appreciate everyone who finds my writing and shows their love. Please be kind!

Not In The Same Way (prequel) | Be My Mistake (jhope x reader) | Not Warriors

You part the crowd like the Red Sea Did you get anxious though On the way home? I guess I'll never, ever know Now that we don't talk

-

You don't mean to stare, but you can't help it.

From where you stand, you see Seokjin walk the red carpet, and on cue, camera flashes light up, and other artists and attendees are ushered quickly to clear the booth.

The runway is illuminated, both from the flashes and Seokjin's presence.

He always had that glow around him, and it didn't matter if he was walking the carpet or simply entering a room—he seemed to effortlessly carry that aura wherever he went.

Seokjin poses like it's second nature to him, giving the photographers quality shots that would publish well in magazines and tabloids, you’re sure.

You wonder how nervous he really is.

You know for a fact that events like these are never his thing. During one of your nightly rendezvous, he admitted that all the bravado he exudes in the spotlight was actually a front to shadow his anxiety.

Oh, the celebrity life.

He knows what he signed up for, but that doesn't mean he always enjoys the tenfolds of attention, particularly when he's the lone receiver. It overwhelms him, and that feeling is followed by unwanted anxiety and the urge to hide.

When your eyes meet on the carpet, you're surprised how you can still get a good read of how he truly feels behind his facade. You can tell he's anxious as hell, and it's taking everything in you not to rush towards him, hold his hand, and walk the carpet together. Not that you ever had the chance to do so when you were still together. But at least back then, he had you waiting behind doors, ready to warm his shaky, cold hands with yours, shift his focus, and lull his raging nerves before you had to go to your tables in separate ways.

You can't do that now. Or ever. Those are distant memories now, the gap bigger than where you and he stand.

Feeling like you've glued your feet too long where you stood, you turn away and head straight to your table, no detours to dressing rooms. No Seokjin to wait on closed doors. -

There's an after-party. Like always. And as you enter the venue, you immediately find Seokjin sharing casual conversations with almost everyone. Without trying, he will always be the main character in every event. And without meaning to, he always will be the life of the party.

You steal this time to study him. He grew his hair long, you note. And though you sense that the confidence he carries to approach people is a front, you can't help but be bitter that he chooses to talk to anyone but you. He doesn't even meet your eyes nor look your way.

But you can't blame him. You suppose you're no longer the comfort and familiarity he seeks at the end of parties like these. With a sigh as heavy as your heart feels, you excuse yourself through the crowd as you make your way to the open bar. You might as well have your own fun before the night ends.

On the other side of the room, the crowd parts for Seokjin wherever he walks.

-

"I didn't think I'd see you here.”

You turn to follow the voice and chuckle at the man who greeted you.

“Well, I was invited,” you retort with a shrug.

Hoseok hums. “I invited you to my parties before and yet you never came. What makes this one so special?” At the last word, Hoseok raises his brows as he briefly glances to the side of the room. Where Seokjin stood, you assume.

“Just… making appearances. I have an upcoming show.” You internally wince at your half-truth reply. If it were a different person, they wouldn’t be able to tell you’re lying. But you were talking to a dear friend. You just hope Hoseok doesn’t call you out.

Hoseok was Seokjin’s friend. Before all the fame and faux friends came. You trio met during a variety show, Law of the Jungle. You initially hit it off first with Hoseok, coming from the same hometown. But as you mingled with everyone, Seokjin’s jokes won you over. You were over the moon when after filming, he approached you with a stuttered invite to go out for a coffee.

That moment was so long ago. And yet everytime you remember it, it feels like you got to relive the moment with how strong your emotions kick in.

“Ah, you’re just here to make an appearance, huh?” Hoseok pulls you out of your reverie. You nod with a tight-lipped smile. “Well, you’re here now. So, how about a drink?” He signals for the bartender and briefly acknowledges him before he returns his attention to you.

“You’ve read my mind.” You grin back at him.

You and Hoseok managed to down one glass of cocktail after another and another and another until you needed to be guided as you stepped down from the stool.

“Let me take you home,” Hoseok offers. You stare at him for a moment, cogs in your brain working.

You always had a soft spot for Hoseok, but it always remained platonic. But tonight, for the first time, he also seems to have you weak in the knees for him.

Your eyes fall on the mole on his lips and you gulp on air before nodding.

Hoseok's hand remains rested at your hip as you both walk away.

A few tables away, you miss the pair of eyes fixed on your leaving figure. Seokjin's grip on the glass tightens, and he could lie to himself and say that the burn on his throat is from the whiskey he downed in one shot, but he already knows the real reason just walked out of the bar.

He hasn't healed from you walking away, albeit figuratively, and seeing you physically walk out with someone who isn't him just prods his bleeding wound.

-

Kim Seokjin and Im Yoon Ah Looks Cozy at After Party

Im Yoon Ah Spotted Leaving Kim Seokjin's Home

You feel your headache worsen with each headline you read, and with every photo of them together that pops into your feed, you feel your gut churn.

At this point, you should be numb to these headlines. Seokjin has been a regular scoop for the tabloids lately, and while you try to rationalize that he was a free man and any person with 20/20 vision wouldn't turn away from his attention, it still stings when you're greeted with these types of headlines.

You tried to soothe yourself with the fact that the tabloids could stretch things out. You've had your fair share of taken-out-of-context stories published, too.

The first time you saw his name mentioned with another girl's name in a headline, you went out to a bar with one of your exes and, out of spite, you invited the one guy Seokjin always felt jealous over, to party and go home with you.

You regretted it the morning after. You wanted to explain yourself to Seokjin. But held back since you've already made a fool of yourself.

Still, all those nights partying and hooking up with guys, you wondered if seeing your name alongside male celebrities in headlines had the same effect on Seokjin as it did on you.

You grip your phone tighter, and you feel your throat closing in. It shouldn't hurt this much anymore.

The pang in your heart grows at the thought that he parades himself with these women with no care in the world if they get photographed. Yet, when he was with you, he made sure you left at different times and drove to his home in different cars to avoid paparazzis. You're pulled from your pity party when someone knocks on your bathroom door, "Everything okay in there?"

Switching your phone off, you open the door to a shirtless Hoseok. "I'm fine. I'm just feeling a bit hungover," you sell your excuse with a lopsided smile. Hoseok hums, "I read somewhere that you can fuck away a headache, want me to try?" he wiggles his brows at you suggestively, and for the first time this morning, perhaps even in a while, you laugh. It's not a quip you would usually find funny, lame dad jokes were more of your taste, hence Jin. But willing your heart to heal, you let him brighten your mood.

Hooking your arms around his shoulder, you try to be seductive as you answer, "I don't think that’s true, but I’m ready to be proven wrong."

-

[pub-lius]

i've decided that this capitalist bastard's hair and eye coloring is rather anime character coded (all those violet eyed fanarts do that to you), so i'm gonna base a character off his teens and 20s (i need an excuse to insert lams in there without others knowing). how different was his personality during the war compared to his political career?

OOOO REAL

his personality generally remained the same when it came to his core characteristics, such as being ambitious, incredibly logical and left-brained, yet also very emotional, very independent and kept people at an arm's length. He also was very impulsive, passionate, and calculated when it came to politics. In his personal life, he was flirtatious, good humored, caring, gentle, and funny. He held grudges for a long time and was very good at picking up on who was and wasn't a good person.

However, I think the most recognizable change from the war and after is that he became increasingly paranoid. He always showed signs of mental illness (highs and lows, where he'd go from being super productive and high strung and in great spirits to being super down and cynical and unmotivated), but as he got more involved in politics, he was particularly anxious about there being a plot to overthrow him and/or the government, which most of the founders experienced, but him to a very particular degree where it consumed a lot of his time and thinking. He always had an extreme fear of mob rule and violent riots due to being raised in the Caribbean where slave rebellions were seen as certain death for white people, but this was a very different kind of paranoia. He was always afraid that some faction would take over the government and the people would be doomed to live under despotism.

Also, if you wanted to count this as a change, though it's kind of different, he had a lot more domestic feelings, which played into those highs and lows that I mentioned. He really longed to be home a lot with his family and kids, which isn't something that he even had access to before since he was, essentially, homeless before and during the war. After getting married and having children, retirement was something he looked forward to more than when he was a young bachelor aide-de-camp.

Hope this helps! And I'm so sorry for the late response, like 10 asks were just sitting in my inbox without me being notified I am so sorry

[maochira]

BACK AT IT AGAIN MAO!!!

Feeling that 'enemies' to lovers with Yukki who are just really petty because they both chose a table in the library and leave class as quickly as they can to reserve that table all for themselves.

Sooner or later though, finals are coming up and y/n can't find a table to sit at because there are so many people in the library. They stand at the entrance of the library, frustrated and anxious. Then they get a tap on their shoulder, Yukki observed them pacing anxiously around the library and decided to end their petty fight and ushers them to what he called "their table".

Yeah go crazy from there ig ( /ω＼)

I'm a sucker for enemies/rivals to lovers I SWEAR

Requests open! - masterlist

Tags: gn!reader x Yukimiya, somewhat rivals to lovers, a bit of fluff I think, this became longer than I intended WHOOPS but I'm not complaining

Every day is another race for who gets to sit at that one table in the library. Ever since the school year started, it's been like this. And while it pisses you off whenever Yukimiya ends up getting the seat, you still look forward to this challenge every day. There's always a bit of adrenaline running through your veins during the last minutes of class and whenever you run to the library.

Usually, if you don't make it to that onr seat you just choose to sit down at another one. Hust today, every single seat is taken. You left the classroom a bit later than usual because your teacher asked to talk to you, which took a bit longer than expected. You already knew Yukimiya had taken the seat you always fight for, so you didn't even bother to check there.

You walked twice through the entire library to check if any other seats is available, but no. This was to be expected because finals are getting closer, so more students choose to study in the library instead of at home.

Yukimiya saw you walking by both times and he wonders why you didn't even get close to where he's sitting. Usually, even if he got the seat before you, you'd come up and say "congratulations" in a teasing tone before you'd look for another seat.

When you walk by a third time, Yukimiya notices the mix of frustration and anxiety on your face. It makes him feel somewhat guilty because he knows you've been putting a lot of effort into studying to get good grades. Fighting for the table has always been more of a lighthearted thing anyways, so he wouldn't mind ending that pettiness now.

You're about to leave the library when you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn around to be surprised by Yukimiya standing right there.

"You don't have to leave. We can just share our table." There's a slight blush across his face while he speaks to you.

You were about to question why he called it 'our table', but you're so relieved about the opportunity to finally get a seat, you quickly agreed to his offer. "That'd be really nice."

As soon as you finish speaking, Yukimiya grabs your wrist and drags you to your table. While you set your bag to the floor, he grabs a random chair that's been standing next to a bookshelf and puts it next to his.

Even though you're classmates and you have these daily races who gets to this table first, you and Yukimiya have only had one somewhat proper conversation in the past. Despite that, sitting next to him feels weirdly comfortable.

At first, you study separately withoutsaying a word, but after about thirty minutes both of you realize it'd be more helpful if you studied together instead. It's a little awkward at first because you don't really know how to talk to him, but it gets easier quickly and you soon notice how your cheeks always feel a little warmer each time Yukimiya's hand get close to yours to take the pen out of your hand, so he can write something down on your paper.

He could absolutely use his own pen, but he doesn't. It's obvious how he's doing it to get a bit closer to you, but he uses "not wanting to write with another ink on the same paper" as an excuse.

Studying together is something you could definitely get used to. How didn't the thought of sharing the table cross your mind earlier? But you're glad Yukimiya got the idea today.

You end up staying in the library for way longer than you usually do. You lost track of time so easily because being with Yukimiya was so much fun and it made studying a lot less draining.

After a couple hours, you leave the library together. You're close to the bus stop when you see Yukimiya's bus approaching already. He's about to storm off, but not before he gives you a short hug.

"We should do this more often. See you tomorrow, bye!" Yukimiya says before running off to catch his bus. His last words send butterflies right into your stomach and you can swear there's a bright blush on his face when he turns his head to look at you one last time.

[sweet-littlerose]

Pretty Please, Love Me (Matt S. x Reader)

Chapter one: So Much Sweeter When I Know I Shouldn't

There's something so intriguing about falling in love with someone you can’t have. It's exciting, gives you those butterflies in your stomach, and takes your breath away. Not like you guys ever crossed any lines, that was the odd part. You NEVER crossed the lines, no matter how blurred they’d started to become. —----------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Back Story- You and Matt met at a concert during a festival over two years ago. You’d grown up in California and he and his two brothers had just moved there. Running into them was completely accidental…like really…you ran into him. Matt caught you stumbling through the crowd and asked if you were alright. You just were trying to look for your group of friends who had disappeared in the crowd and left you alone and when you explained that, he and his brothers had no issue letting you hang by them till your friends show’d back up. In the hour of talking and dancing, you realized just how well you got along with them and that was that. Your friends never reappeared and when the concert ended, Matt was nice enough to offer you a ride back to your apartment. He walked you all the way to the door, giving you his phone number, and saying goodnight. You guys didn't talk much after that night. You only then realized that he and his brothers were borderline famous, not that you stalked all their social media or anything. You weren't a stranger to social media in fact you had gained a following over the past couple years for making fun videos with friends but you had nowhere near the following the boys did and you would have never deemed it career worthy, though you did make  money from it, but you spent most of your time paying your way through college. You didn't run into Matt until months after the original meeting in a 7/11. You just wanted a redbull and clearly so did he. When you guys saw each other again it sparked conversation, the boy holding a motorcycle helmet in one hand and a red bull in the other. He asked how you were and why you hadn't texted him and you realized…he gave you his number and you never reached out. Really you had no excuse, embarrassed and anxious you tried to explain but he laughed it off offering to pay for your drink in return that you text him so you guys could hang out sometime and you agreed. That's how it started, innocent …till it wasn't.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Knock knock, anyone home” the boy’s voice rang through your ears causing you to jump as you sat at the table of a small restaurant in downtown LA. Your eyes raise to meet him, the brown hair falling flawlessly on his forehead, his blue eyes studying your face for some sort of hint as to what had you spaced out. “Huh?” you say, eyebrows furrowed in confusion “I asked what you were gonna order” he said, his hand reaching to scratch his chin where his stubble occupied the space. “Uh…probably chicken strips and fries” you say, trying to pull yourself back into reality where you were sitting with your best friend. 

“You have the palate of a 5 year old” he smiled “Bold coming from the guy who eats plain cheeseburgers” you laugh as the waitress comes over to take your orders, ending the conversation you two were having.

“So how’s college going?” he asked, one hand resting on his motorcycle helmet that sat next to him in the booth and the other eating fries off his plate. “Same shit different day” you say, sitting back with a sigh “When is your summer break?” he said, a small mischievous smile on his face “A week from today, why?” you asked, curiosity leaking from your voice “No reason, I'm just hoping to see more of you. We hang out like once every two weeks” he said “I feel like that's more your fault than mine Mr Famous” you giggle “That's just not true at all, you know I am always free if you want to hang out” he said “I know” you say. You did know, he always made himself so available for you but the more time you spent together the harder it got to pretend he hadn't woven himself so deeply into the fabric of your heart. So distance was so much easier than complicating one of the only good things you had right now. His friendship meant so much to you and the idea of losing that was so much scarier than you wanted to admit. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

After eating and talking, Matt paid the bill and you two headed to his bike which he only could ride so often considering he drove his brothers around a lot. “Chin up” he said, placing a helmet on your head and buckling the strap. He put his on and with a smile you smacked the visor down. “Dammit! Everytime that scares the shit out of me” he said, tickling your sides as you laugh. He helped you onto the back of the bike, his hand on your lower back as you adjusted on the seat. “All good?” he asked as he pulled his hand away, putting on his gloves “Yea” you said, watching him behind your visor in awe. God he was hot…so unbelievably attractive in every single way. He got on as started up the bike and you held onto his sides as he sped off. You really got used to bike rides with him, they were so much fun and with the helmet no one recognized him so you guys could go anywhere with the helmets on and no one questioned you too much. “Hold on love” he said as he sped up. You wrapped your arms around his sides as he drove towards the mall, parking in front of a Barnes & Noble. You could've actually exploded out of excitement. He got off the bike, taking his key out and grabbing your hips and lifting you up off the bike and putting you on the ground. He smacked the top of your helmet and wrapped an arm around your shoulder as you went into the book store. “How’d you know I wanted to go here?” you asked excitedly. “When don't you wanna go here, I figure it's been a while since I bought you some books. I read that one you were reading a couple weeks ago. Is that the type of guy you are interested in?” he asked. “Oh good god, you shouldn't read them Matt” you said, embarrassed. “I am tryna figure out what I gotta live up to” he said, like it was just a normal sentence for a friend to say about another friend. “No, they are just books. I promise I am not into over obsessive psycho men” you laugh “Yea I can tell from your ex’s” he laughed out “It was one time!” you defend yourself as you enter the store. “Yea yea but how many times did you go back to him?” he says, opening the door for you.

You groan, walking into the store. You lift the visor of the helmet and speed walk to the section you always go to. Matt always stuck close by, scoping out the surroundings. It was just who he was, making sure you were always safe in public places. At restaurants he picked the seats closest to the door and always sat facing said door, he stuck close by in stores always scoping the exits, and never let you open a door or carry a bag.

After about an hour you walked over to him with about 5 books in your arms. “Ready love?” he asked, taking the books from your arms “Yea” you said, happily walking behind him as he tracked to the counter. He set the books down, pulling his wallet from his pocket and sliding his card into the machine without even really listening to the price. He grabbed the bag of books and put his card away in his wallet before sliding it into his back pocket. “Thank you” you said, practically squealing. “Cmon dork” he laughed out, his arm around your shoulder as you both left the store.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

He walks you up the stairs of your apartment building stopping in front of your door. He unclasps the buckle and takes your helmet off, bursting into laughter. “What!?” you ask in a panic. “Your hair!” he laughs. Your face flushes red as you use your fingers to comb through your hair to fix it. He takes his helmet off and puts it under his other arm as he hands you the bag of books. “You all set love?” he asked, smiling at you “Yea” you say shyly, still fixing your hair with your free hand. “Calm down, it looks fine” he said, chuckling as he shook his head. “Well you bullied me now I'm insecure” you joke, nudging him. He rolled his eyes, and leaned down kissing your forehead. “I'm not waiting another two weeks to plan for us to hang out. I'm gonna just start showing up so…text me…please” he said, shifting on his heels. “I will, don't worry” you say, smiling. “Good…” he said, the silence now filling the space where words should be. 

“Anyways” you both say in unison trying to fill the silence before stopping to let the other speak.

“I’ll see you this weekend right? There's a creator party and you promised Nick you’d come with us” he said nervously.

“Yea Matt, you know I will be there” you say with a smile. In the moment you just wanted him to kiss you. To just fill all the little imaginary scenarios you’d created in your head the past couple months but he didn't. He nodded, smiled softly, and said goodbye just as he did everytime. You always waited for him to walk down the stairs, get on his bike, and wave again before riding off. God why did it have to be so fucking complicated.

-and so a new series begins. Yes im still doing my other collab series but i really wanted something to post that was just mine so here is part one of the new series. I hope yall love it!- This series is made for my love, my world, the woman who owns my heart @hayhjelmstad15

[fangirlfrom-hell]

The Fragile Bonds Part 2 || Jay and Will Halstead x Halstead Sister

*re-posting this because I'm stupid and accidentaly erased my blog 🫠

Summary: After their father's death, Becca moved in with Jay. This is the first time the detective brother has to go undercover since his sister has been under his full care, creating a challenging situation for both. Reluctantly, Becca will have to live with Will and his family during those days, even though she doesn't feel very welcome in that household.

Tuesday morning passed by slowly, but Becca preferred it that way. Despite all the things going around her, she was able to concentrate in her classes. Anyway, as the time for school to end approached, a knot was forming in her stomach. She didn’t want to go back to Will’s house, it made her anxious. The exit bell rang and she sat on the entrance stairs until she was left alone.

“I call your brother, but he’s not answering”, one of her teachers said as he invited her to pass to the office.

“I can walk myself”, Becca argued, but Jay had given specific orders on not letting her go alone. If he couldn’t pick her up, the other ones on the list were Will, Hailey and also Sgt. Platt, but she wished they wouldn’t bother anybody from the district.

“I’m so, so sorry!” Will came running into the building, “I totally forgot, I got no excuse”. The principal’s gaze was all over the Halstead brother, observing him with a not so friendly look. “I had to pick Owen from daycare, and this is out of my routine, sorry”, he kept apologizing, which for the girl made it even worse.

“It’s alright, Will. Just let’s get out of here, please”.

Even when she couldn’t admit it, Becca was affected by what had happened earlier. So, as soon as they arrived home, she took a cellphone out of the nightstand. Jay didn’t allow his sister to own a phone, but he had lent her one just as a way of precaution, it had his number saved, but also Hailey’s, Trudy and even Voight, just in case of an emergency. After all, he was an overprotective and paranoic brother. He said he would communicate with her through it, whenever he had time to do so.

But there were no traces of Jay. The girl opened his contact and decided to write a text,

I hope you’re doing well, I miss u

She hesitated to press the send button, but as soon as she did, a message appeared on the screen: not delivered. Becca sighed and threw the phone on the bed. 

She started to feel hopeless, as if she didn't belong anywhere. She held Mr. Snuggles while thinking about her detective brother, she wondered where he was and what he was doing at the moment, if he was alright or if he was hurt. Then, she imagined herself at the bullpen, waiting for him to finish his paperwork, as it had happened a few times; it was a warm feeling to be surrounded by Jay’s friends even when it was only in her mind. She continued figuring a normal day in her life, her brother by her side, going home, sleeping in her own bed, and just like that she fell deep asleep.

“Hey! Hey, kiddo!” A voice was heard in the distance, some babbling accompanied it. “Becc, wake up” a touch on her shoulder made her slowly open her eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to scare you", Will was bending right next to the bed carrying Owen in his arms. 

She took a quick look around, it was already dark and a chill ran through her body, it was also getting cold. For a few seconds, she felt very confused for not waking up in her room, then she suddenly remembered everything and reality weighed on her chest, she felt like crying, but was able to hold her tears. 

"Dinner is ready, come on. I just realized you didn't eat anything when we arrived home", he invited. 

"I'm not really hungry, but I'm so tired, I'd rather sleep", the girl went back to the same position. 

"Becc", her brother scoffed. 

“Ok, I’ll try.”

The table was already set when Becca came into the kitchen, but there were only three plates on it. Will had his back turned to her, working on the stove.

"Where's Natalie?"

"At The Med," Will answered simply, without even looking at her. "She'll be back soon."

"How is it that you're not at the hospital? Actually, how is it that you haven't been at the hospital these days?"

"Well, when Jay told me he was going undercover..." He turned to the table, carrying a pan to serve the food on Becca's plate. "...I asked to change my schedule with some of my partners so I could stay here with you."

"Oh."

"Yeah, we talked about it, and we didn't— I didn't want you to be here all by yourself. I know we are not as close as you and Jay are, but... I'm still your big brother, and you're still my little sister, so I also thought it could be a great opportunity for the two of us to spend some time together, but it seems that I have screwed it all up."

"No—" Becca couldn't find any argument against what he had said.

"It's fine. I know these two days haven't been precisely comfortable for you, and I'm sorry for that." Will sat right in front of his sister, Owen on his side, so he could help him eat.

Becca was pensive, moving her food around with the fork. "I'm sorry if this caused you any problems." She didn't mean at work, but at home, and Will knew it.

"No... not at all." He sighed. "Now, let's eat before this gets cold," he said hurriedly, not wanting to get into the matter.

"I-I don't want to be rude, but I can't eat this, Will."

"Why?" He asked, surprised.

"My throat would close if I did... I'm allergic to fish?"

"Oh, fuu–, I totally forgot!" The red-haired man took his hands to his face. "I'm an idiot, I'm so sorry! I'll prepare something else for you!" He said while standing up.

At the same time, the front door opened, and a voice calling out was heard, "I'm home!"

Becca's heart began to race, a surge of anxiety washing over her when she heard Natalie's voice at the door, "No, it's okay, Will. Really, I'm not hungry."

"Don't be silly, sit down!"

"What's going on?" Natalie came into the scene.

"Nothing," the girl interrupted before her brother could talk. "I was about to go to bed. Good night."

With an empty and growling stomach, she prepared herself for bed. Before attempting to sleep, she picked up her phone, only to discover 8 missed calls from Detective Upton. 'Shit,' she muttered. She immediately called her back. When he answered, a cacophony of background noises filled the line.

“Hey, Beccs” She was close enough to the girl to call her by nicknames, “I called you earlier, but you didn’t answer”.

“Yeah, I didn’t have the phone close to me, sorry”.

“It’s ok. I was with your brother earlier. I met him at a secret spot, and he wanted to talk to you and check how you're doing..."

Becca's heart sank, a wave of regret and sadness washing over her. The urge to cry reappeared, her voice quivering as she replied, "Oh, crap, and I wasn't here..."

“Don’t worry, hunny, there wasn’t enough time, anyway. He ask me to tell you he’s doing fine, and algo wanted me to make sure how you’re doing at Will’s”.

The uncomfortable silence worried Hailey, “Becca?”

“Honestly, I feel like an intruder,” she regretted her words as soon as they came out of her mind, “Oh, but don’t tell that to Jay. I don’t know, I’m fine, I’ll just be better when I go back home”:

“This might end sooner than we thought”. A raspy voice was heard in the background before Hailey had to say goodbye, “Gotta go, girl, but hey, call me whenever you need it, even if it’s just to talk. Anything”.

“Thanks, Hails.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too”. Becca stared at the ceiling.

So many changes were swirling through her life in such a brief span of time. The absence of Jay, the first time they had been apart since it had been just the two of them, was tearing at her heart far more intensely than she had ever anticipated. She had barely begun to acclimate to her new routine, her altered existence, when the clandestine situation had thrust itself upon her.

The weight of missing the chance to talk to Jay pressed heavily on her heart, and it felt like a crushing burden. It made her feel incredibly sensitive, and this time, the tears flowed freely, unable to be contained. She clutched Mr. Snuggles tightly, seeking solace in the familiar stuffed bear's embrace, her stomach rumbling audibly from the gnawing hunger that consumed her.

In this moment of vulnerability, she longed for the comforting embrace of home, a warmth that she found sorely absent here. Hearing Hailey's voice had momentarily rekindled that sense of homecoming. With a deep sigh, she closed her eyes tightly, yearning not to be in her current circumstances, wishing fervently for a return to the normality of the past.

Her mind drifted back in time, to the familiarity of their old house, the echoes of childhood laughter, and even the presence of her once-gruff father, who had passed away just a few months ago. The wave of nostalgia mingled with the ache of longing, and tears welled up in her eyes, as the weight of change and the pangs of homesickness bore down upon her.

The harmful impulses she had experienced in the past surged through her body like a relentless wave. But she wasn't going to succumb, she thought of Jay and Hailey to find strength within herself.

Tomorrow, she would have her dance class, and that would help her forget everything. Besides, it meant spending less time in that house.

The morning flew by quickly, leaving Becca feeling both desperate and excited for her dance lessons. She was practicing extra hours after class with her teacher, who had recognized her potential. Dancing was her sanctuary, the place where she could unshackle the stress that had been building, release the pent-up tension, and untangle the knots in her mind. It was where she felt truly free, blissfully happy, and capable of doing something right. That's why Jay had always made it a point to ensure she never missed a lesson, and he had also made sure to discuss it with Will before leaving his sister under his care.

Things took a slight detour when, at the end of the school day, Becca noticed Natalie's car outside the building. "Where's Will?" she asked after greeting, still standing outside the car.

"He couldn't change his shift today, sorry. I'm taking you home. Come on," Natalie replied with a tender smile. Even though the atmosphere was calm, Owen's babbling was the only thing preventing total silence.

"I have my dance class today," Becca mentioned as they hit the road.

"I know, Will told me. I'm taking you, don't worry." Natalie assured her.

Becca got ready an hour ahead of their scheduled departure time. She dressed in her black leotard, pink tights, and black leggings layered on top. Her ballet slippers and jazz shoes were neatly packed inside her bag. After preparing, she stepped out of her room and waited in the living room.

Natalie noticed her early readiness and asked in a motherly tone that Becca didn't particularly like, "Did you finish your homework?"

"Uh, yes," Becca replied with a small white lie.

Natalie glanced at the clock and said, "It's still early; we can leave in half an hour, and you'll make it in time."

"Yeah, I know. I was just getting everything ready," Becca replied, pretending to check her bag. She then paused and looked at Natalie sincerely. "Thank you, Nat. For letting me stay and driving me today. I'm not your responsibility..."

Natalie shook her head gently and said, "Nonsense. Don't worry about any of that. Oh, by the way, at what time do I pick you up? Will didn't say."

"I have to stay after class; I finish at 9, but usually, I'm free a bit later," Becca explained.

"Uh, Becca, that's too late, I—"

"No, no, no," Becca rushed to respond. "I can talk to my teacher. I'll tell her that I can't stay beyond 9, and she'll be understanding about it."

Natalie's expression revealed pity as she said, "I can't pick you up that late,  it's past Owen's bedtime."

"But I can't miss this! Jay told Will how important it is!" Becca's voice quivered with desperation, her eyes welling up with tears as she tried to plead her case.

The girl couldn't find any comfort, as Natalie's tone grew increasingly stern. "I'm sorry, Becca. It's too late, I wouldn't have agreed to this if Will had told me all the information."

Becca's desperation deepened, a sinking feeling in her chest erasing any sense of well-being. She felt trapped, as if her dreams were slipping through her fingers.

"I can take an Uber back home," Becca suggested, her voice trembling with the fear of Jay's reaction.

"Jay would kill me," Natalie scoffed.

"I won't tell Will or Jay; I'll say you drove me back!" Becca's words came out rushed, almost pleading.

"Nothing bad will happen if you miss one of your lessons," Natalie responded, her tone firm.

"I never miss my lessons," Becca protested, tears now freely streaming down her cheeks as she fought to hold back her emotions.

"You see? One time won't hurt anybody. Stop with your tantrums, you are old enough for this." Natalie's words felt like accusations, making Becca feel even worse. She wasn't throwing a tantrum, she was trying desperately to hold on to something that meant everything to her.

"You don't understand. You're minimizing the facts! I need to go! I'm rehearsing a solo, and if I miss a rehearsal..." Becca's voice cracked as she tried to explain the gravity of the situation.

"Becca, please stop yelling!" Natalie's voice grew firmer, and the girl could sense the frustration building in her.

By this point, Becca couldn't avoid showing her anger. "I'm not yelling!"

"You are raising your voice, and you're scaring Owen! I'm sorry. I just can't pick you up."

"But—"

"I said 'no,' Becca. End of discussion!" Natalie's final words cut through the air, leaving Becca feeling defeated and alone. 

The feeling of not belonging weighed on her like an unbearable burden, intensifying her sense of hopelessness to the point where it felt suffocating. The unsettling urges clawed at her emotions, making her feel even more isolated and desperate. 

With a frustrated groan, she dashed to her room, overwhelmed by the urge to slam the door, but there was no lock on the room she was stayinging. She grabbed her phone and started searching for Hailey's contact, but was this really an emergency? Hailey had offered to be there whenever she needed to talk, but wasn't this too much to burden her with?

Her heart raced, and each breath felt labored. As panic took hold, she heard Natalie's footsteps getting closer, the sound of her voice on the phone speaking to Will adding to her anxiety. Becca sprinted to the bathroom in the hallway, desperation pushing her to lock herself inside. Natalie made a futile attempt to stop her, but she couldn't reach Becca in time, leaving her alone in the confined space with her tumultuous emotions.

She could hear the conversation happening in the hallway outside, “She just locked herself in the bathroom…I couldn’t stop her, what do you want me to do?”

Becca sat on the bathroom floor, her eyes scanning the objects around her, whispering to herself, "...there's a white sink, a small soap..." as she diligently practiced the calming techniques that Jay had taught her to combat the encroaching anxiety. Each item she named grounded her in the present, helping her regain control over her racing thoughts and emotions.

Some knocks on the door were distracting her, “Becca, hunny, please open up. What are you doing there?”

"...there's a green plant in a brown pot, and blue tiles: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." Becca continued, meticulously focusing on each detail around her. As she managed to block out the noise from outside, she picked up her phone with her shaky hands once more and composed a text: "I wish you were here." However, when she pressed the send button, the dreaded 'not delivered' message appeared once more, deepening her sense of isolation and despair.

After a few minutes, Becca's breathing gradually returned to normal, and she stood up, washing her face to clear her mind. She felt utterly drained and just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep until the next day. Yet, fear and shame held her back, a sense of embarrassment over her emotional outburst.

As she hesitated, lost in her conflicted thoughts, a familiar voice broke through the silence. Beyond the bathroom door, she could hear two distinct mutterings, piquing her curiosity and momentarily drawing her attention away from her inner turmoil.

"How long has she been there?"

"About half an hour, maybe?"

"Half an hour?" The new voice sounded furious. "And you just let her be all by herself in there!? Is she responding?"

"We took the dangerous objects out of this bathroom before she arrived. I can hear her moving around."

"Ugh, get off, I'm handling this!" The anger in the voice was palpable, and it seemed like someone was taking charge of the situation.

A soft knock on the door was accompanied by a gentle plea, filled with genuine concern.

"Becca, sweetie, would you please open the door for me?"

[atherix]

hiii!!!

idk if you still remember me um. i feel so silly writing this be its been such a long time since i last wrote you any asks and i feel so bad ugshshsg:( but its essay anon here :3 im so so sorry i havent been here in such a long time but my life has been crazy. recently but im alive and well now. ready to talk about the midnight series if youll still have me... ive actually been meaning to write this for some time but ive been so anxious about the fact that its been so long:( im literally writing this in a break between classes at my uni LMAO. but i couldnt wait i had to write now be im rereading the series and ill explode (/pos) if i dont

im reading everything again bc i missed some updates and i decided. might as well reread the whole thing! and oh boy i love your writing so much!!! and this series makes me so happy seriously, some life stuff has been tough for me recently but this is bringing me so much joy :3 i need to let you know this hehhe .

and ohhh midnight scar how i missed him..... hes everything to me seriously:( i can talk abt him for hours i love him so much!!! im at midnights past now so ill fully catch up soon but im fighting the urge to get up and jump around my room in happiness everytime scar and tubbo have a wholesome interaction . i love them so so much

ill probably write something longer tonight when i get home but i just had the urge to write out all my thoughts now, i hope im still welcome here even though its been so long :( i want to write my thoughts about the later parts of the series if youre willing to hear them . i know im extremely late but better late than never right!!

but as always i hope youve been doing alright!! im sending you all my good energy im hugging you through my phone right now . :3 this is probably the shortest message ive ever written LMAO but youll hear from me soon again!!

ESSAY ANON!!!! :o I think about you often in fact <3 I'm so glad to hear everything's alright, even if hectic! Of course you're always welcome here, I love hearing from you <3 Never apologize for prioritizing real life, always take as much time as you need and you can always pop in whenever you want <3

🥺 rereading?? Oh I love when people reread 🥺 I'm so hhhhh <3 I'm so glad my writing can bring you joy during a difficult time!! <3

Midnight Scar my beloved.... I will not lie to you or anyone, Midnights Past was 100% my excuse to write fluffy DadScar and SonTubbo 🥺 I thrive off wholesome interactions between them two honestly hhhh This also means you have not reached... mmm I am looking forward to your reaction to Midnight Alley :)

Oh you're always welcome here, Essay Anon, no expiration date <3 I'm so happy to hear from you again! I would love to hear your thoughts going forward, I always loved your little essays <3 It's never too late to ramble about fic!! You're also in time to join the angry mob that will probably come for my life soon-

Thank you!! <3 I hope everything gets better for you, Essay Anon, I'm so glad to know you're still around!! :D I'm sure I will hehe <3 I'll be here :D Well I might be at work but you know what I mean <3

[real-life-cloud]

Hey uhh I vaguely remember reading in your tags somewhere some time maybe long ago that you were homeschooled, do you mind me asking just generally what that was like? Don‘t share if you don‘t want to

Y'know what, sure! I like telling stories and oversharing on the internet tbh. Strap in lol it got long.

Tldr; homeschooling was isolating, it definitely set me back socially. The self paced nature of the work put way too much pressure on me, and now I have terrible choice paralysis and rarely finish a project I start. If you or someone you know is considering homeschooling someone, make sure they know what they're getting into.

A lot of homeschooled kids were put into that kind of schooling because their parents want to monitor them. That's not healthy. I'm sure that's not how it is every time and that there's applications of homeschooling that work for people, but it needs to be done well. Kids need to be properly socialized, supported, and given the privacy they need.

Some background info on why I left public: There was an incident where a teacher yelled at me for no good reason in front of the entire student body during lunch. (I was holding a piece of paper (THAT ANOTHER TEACHER GAVE ME FOR HIM TO SIGN) in the lunchroom which wasn't allowed??) I was EXTREMELY embarrassed and anxious around that teacher from then on. I got moved to a different class so I didn't have to be near him. The guidance counselor was really helpful during the whole thing.

OKAY storytime 📖

"Homeschooling" can mean a couple different things , I did it two different ways at points in my life. I feel like the first thing ppl think of is being taught at home by a tutor or parent, but I wasn't homeschooled in this way. And I was in public school until about 7th grade actually!

However, my mom was super mad, and wanted to talk to the man that yelled at me, but the principal wouldn't let her. They kept giving excuses as to why but the jist was: the guy was an asshole and they knew it. SO mom got fed up with the staff and just pulled me out of public school altogether. It was actually my idea! The thought of seeing that teacher again was so upsetting that I just wanted to leave.

[ I feel like I should also mention that I grew up religious and that it was super common for kids to be homeschooled in my church; you were looked up to for homeschooling your kid bc it "kept them away from bad association" and "gave them more time to devote to god." So my mom didn't really fight me on the suggestion. ]

First, I did cyber school! I was in cyber school from 7th - 10th ish. I was given a laptop that blocked anything fun (but not well, so I zipped right past all the blocks lol) and had online classes. It was similar to how I think school worked during covid? No cameras yet tho, just a teacher on VC with power point slides and a chatroom for students. I was a pretty good student up until this point, but I started barely scraping by a lot of classes and failing others. I think I retook pre algebra 3 times? I passed with a very low D 🫶

And SOME classes were self paced. Those were the Fucking Worst. No teacher, not really. I could technically email a teacher with questions but I was a horribly anxious little 14 yr old so no way was I gonna do that. I remember one year I had a civics class that was self paced and I was so lost and stressed about it that I procrastinated til the entire course had like a week til it was due. And it wasn't just tests, I had to make multiple power points on different topics throughout the course. I had a complete emotional breakdown in front of my mom cause I'd been hiding this from her. I was so afraid she'd be mad, but she helped me finish everything on time. She basically did like half of it for me, bless her. God I hated that class.

So at this point school is going. Kind of really bad. My grades suck and half the time I cheat. I don't really have friends because all I do is sit on my laptop and go to church with my family. I didn't have any contact with my old school friends because they weren't a part of my religion. (Jehovah's Witnesses are super exclusive and cult-y) And teenage me has just realized they're not straight!

Like many isolated, repressed, gay teenagers, I mainly expressed myself online. But a few months after I turned 16, my parents found my secret email account that was connected to all my private social media. It was very apparent I was gay. So I outed myself by accident. They pretty much took away all my access to the internet and started paying super close attention to the media I consumed. I'm just glad they didn't go to our church elders and tell on me for my sins or whatever. Life continued as "normal" with them just. Pretending it didn't happen and hoping and praying that I'd magically turn straight. I actually recently found out that my parents NEVER talked about my sexuality with each other during this stage. They just completely avoided the topic.

[ another note, my entire immediate family is actually out of that religion now, and everybody's cool with the gay thing 🫶 my dad actually told me that my coming out is what made him question some things with our religion. ]

But then it became a question of what I was supposed to do for school. I couldn't be on the Websites That Turn You Gay, but I was also doing bad in school and would be put behind a grade or two. Not to mention I was terribly anxious and hadn't really socialized with people my age for the past 3 or so years.

That's how I started correspondence schooling! Another kind of home schooling. It's exactly what it sounds like. The school sends you books and tests, then you mail back the finished papers to be graded. And you might be thinking, Cloudy didn't you just go over how much you hated the self paced classes in cyber? This sounds just like that but worse! And I would say why yes, anon, I did! Such a good memory!! Gold star for you ⭐

This schooling didn't go great, as you could imagine... I think I finished two classes? This didn't have any time limit, however. So why on earth would I feel any pressure to do anything? Overall it was a giant waste of money. I just kept not doing it! Then life got super crazy, I won't go into detail but it was a rollercoaster of family drama, my mental health being at the worst it ever was, and leaving that religion. And then covid!!!! Everything happens so much 😞

I was so far from my diploma that I gave up on finishing my classes and started focusing on getting my GED. This took me another 2 years lol. I finally got it last summer!! I also landed a new job in the spring after being unemployed for a little over a year. And I just got my driver's license last week! It's taken me a longgggg time but my life is on the roll again. This is probably more than you were asking about but yeah.

[queerdesire]

September 30, 2022

It's been a minute since my last update.

What have I accomplished this week? Well I drove for the first time in the dark last night and honestly I think I smiled all the way home. I'm getting so much more comfortable driving and it's starting to feel so fucking good. I'm hoping to have my license by the end of the year. Driving is not as scary and anxious as I always imagined. I'm proud of myself for this.

Let's see what else am I proud of? Oh! I have paid all my bills but two, both are due on the 6th so not late but I'll probably do it right now as all the other payments should of went through. I'ma be a broke ass bitch but it feels so fucking good to be able to pay everyone time.

I also deleted some girls number! She's been semi dicking me around for a month, and I let her >.< She was the one who hit me up and was interested and wanted to go on a date. I was going with the flow of it. Started out texting strong and things like that but then it became 8 separate times of excuses. Like we were not anything where a conversation of her no longer interested would of been perfectly okay. I even said as much during excuse number 6 lmao. But deleting her phone number and not replying back to her bs felt good. And then my toxic side may have left her on Snapchat 🙈🤡, I don't look at her snaps but she has replied to three of my hot story ones since I've deleted her number and ignore last excuse text and it feels kinda good to be like yeah I'm hot and you missed out. Even if it's in my head and even if that may be a bit toxic lol regardless I'm glad I was able to be like I'm done, and it was okay that it took me a month 😭 because I still was able to stop the pattern instead of continue the pattern of letting ppl use me like that.

I've had two therapy sessions now, the first session I felt hella guilty leaving and the second one I felt like I was on a good high. I was given therapy homework though and I haven't accomplished it :( and I don't think I will before Tuesday. I'm supposed to go out with someone and do something out of my comfort zone. The issue with this assignment is I'm scared to ask ppl to hang out that I wouldn't normally cuz that fear of the rejection and I guess that's the whole point. I did ask a girl one hinge if she wanted to hangout in person and I didn't get a reply so I'ma go with that as my assignment completed lmfao. Oooh and in therapy my therapist at one point said "I'm seeing a pattern here do you?" And I didn't so hopefully I will see the pattern she spoke of with the more sessions I have as she didn't tell me lmao.

Hmm what else? Oh completely over my ex! Well for the most part. Obviously I'll always wish it would be different but I've come with terms that she will never want to be friends and I haven't looked at her socials so much so that I missed her bday lol so that felt like a win. Only looked at her socials the last few days. But to be honest I think I'm using Tumblr as a distraction 😅 I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing tho.

Let's see what else...oh the new job is going very well! Last night it felt so easy, I think I asked someone one question and I remembered to bring silly things like the pizza stand, app plates, pepper mill, instead of forgetting until last minute. Oh and a coworker has now started to play with my hair and honestly makes me feel a bit loved, as touch is my love language. She's super sweet. Also last night one of the "favorites" told me I was, "the better new servers" and that I am a "hard worker" my cocky ass knew this, my cocky ass knew i would be but I can't say that :P I'm playing a political game here. But I said thank you lol oh and I was sitting next to some girls and they included me in conversation and one was like yeah when deena first met me she told me she thought I was gonna be a bitch 😅😂. So then everyone wanted to know what I thought about them. One of the girls was like did you think I was gonna be mean? And I told her yes I said "we didn't speak until Sunday!! So yes I thought you were going to be mean but you're very nice." Turns out she told me she's shy and I 100% can see that. I did not tell any of them that I think all pretty girls are going to be mean because they are hot lmao

I don't think anything else happened this week that is note worthy. I havent cried or felt hopeless in awhile and that is a wonderful feeling. I honestly think that has to do with therapy tho.

My period is very late and I'm pregnant jk jk jk 😂 but it is late af. That bitch needs to get here.

OOOH I REMEMBERED SOMETHING. One of my best guy friends works at my new job, he is why I went there. And a different coworker came up to me and was like "do you know Sean talks about you alot?" "I think he likes you" etc etc. And I was dying absolutely trying not to laugh because Sean is such a homie, I would say brother but we playfully flirt sometimes to hype the other up so what ever that makes him. But I had to explain to the coworker that Sean is a close friend, my homie is how I think I worded it. The dude was so small minded though and wouldn't stop and I was like I'm extremely gay and Sean knows this so there isn't anything between us. (I think it's because Sean and I hug at work) because the kid still didn't let it go. I went over to Sean immediately after and him and I got a huge laugh. Sean also said he had never even spoke to the dude before lmfao so I'm real confused but find it amusing nonetheless.