#i feel nothing atm and this is the only way i can get any work done

[sunnylucy31]

TheShatteredQueen posted in /r/AmITheAsshole:

AITA for doing whatever I can to save my people from genocide?

So obviously that title needs a bit of clarification. I (21f) am leader of a very small and tight knit minority group that's being persecuted by a very rich and very powerful man (3200m) and his family. For anonymity's sake we'll call him "Thunderbeard." He wants us all exterminated and our souls sent straight to eternal punishment, just because he has beef with our parents, my father (10000m) in particular. My father is also his father, but that doesn't really matter to him so we'll leave that aside.

We don't want anything to do with our parents; they made us solely to use as expendable soldiers, and we want more out of life. I literally diced one of them (7400m) and threw the pieces into super hell so we could avoid that. Unfortunately we only got a couple days of peace before Thunderbeard learned about us and had a bunch of his "employees" start hunting us. This was about five years ago.

I've lost good people. I can't imagine how they must be suffering right now, for no good reason. We'll all join them if we don't do something. I have a long term plan, but to enact it I need to buy us time.

Here's where things get complicated. Thunderbeard and his co-tyrants have kids similar to us, and a lot of them. Some are much younger than us, a few are much older, but they definitely outnumber us by a sizeable margin. Whenever Thunderbeard and Co need a job done, they typically send a few of the kids out to do it, more depending on how big the job is. The only reason they haven't been sent against us yet is because Thunderbeard thinks there's not enough of us to warrant it. My worry is that once he realizes he's wrong, he'll "rally the troops," as it were, and we'll be overwhelmed.

So I looked for ways to mitigate that, and happened on one that's a bit morally contentious. See, their kids are split into two groups (the criteria for which is a bit hard to follow and not really relevant atm) that have fought each other in the past. My thought was, if they fight again, maybe they'll weaken each other enough that we stand a chance against them. We've been laying the groundwork for that for a few years now, and earlier this week we kicked things firmly into motion. Barring any unforeseen mishaps, it could be the saving grace we've been praying for.

Now clearly that's not a good thing to do, I'm fully aware of that. It's already putting strain on my personal relationships. I just learned that I have a half-sister (19f) who I'd love to get to know, but she thinks I'm a "warmonger" and won't hear me out at all. It's all I can do some nights to fall asleep while the guilt eats away me.

But what else should we do? My people are counting on me to save them. We're damned even if we do nothing, so isn't the moral thing to fight however we can, even if it's sneaky and underhanded?

AITA?

StrengthAndEndurance: NTA. It's your job to think about what's best for the people under you, not anyone else. Keep your head high, don't let the guilt get to you.

FerrumMemoria: NTA. The oppressed have never gained anything by playing fair with their oppressors. In any liberation movement, bloodshed is inevitable. The ruler who does not recognize this is not fit to rule. Carry on as you have, and worry not about the judgement of history until you've survived to write it.

StargazerButch7: NTA. I understand feeling guilty, but there's no easy way out of this mess. We all appreciate the hard choices you have to make for our sakes. Keep the faith!

WaterloggedRedhead: NTA! Thunderbeard is the real asshole! Keep up the good work, we're all behind you!

Write an r/AmITheAsshole post told from your OC’s perspective. (Bonus: include replies from your other OCs.)

[purpurussy]

.

[curioscurio]

Most of my sinus infection has cleared up besides the occasional cough and irritated throat but now this ear infection.... everything hurts can I please have a break before I have to go back to work just a day without pain so I can clean up my sicknest without feeling like ass

[phagodyke]

sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

[widevibratobitch]

for fucks sake i really dont have the mental or emotional stability for this

[burnthatbridge]

if you love him let him go (if you love him let him know) 

pre-buddie, bucktommy | T | 3k | angst, pining tommy needs to tell eddie something not on ao3 atm because i can't figure out if this is done or if i'm continuing it - please let me know your thoughts! now on ao3 because i hate not having all my fic in one place

“Can I get you another beer, man?”

Eddie checks his watch. It’s only a little after nine thirty. He’s kind of hoping to get home before Chris goes to sleep, but he’ll not be heading to bed any time soon, will likely stay up later than Eddie. Friday night means he disregards his supposed bedtime — not that he sticks to it that well on school nights, now he’s sixteen. “Sure, thanks.”

Tommy nods, disappears into the kitchen, returns a moment later with a can of IPA in one hand, a bottle of lager in the other. They’ve already finished the six-pack Eddie brought over, but trust Buck — well, Buck and Tommy — to have Eddie’s favorite beer in their fridge. Tommy hands over the can, already cracked open, and Eddie takes a sip as Tommy settles down at the opposite end of the couch. He doesn’t turn to face the TV, sits twisted towards Eddie instead, but he does pick up the remote and turn down the volume, the post-fight commentary rendered nearly unintelligible. 

“I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Eddie twists towards Tommy himself, something not-quite-anxious-but-almost flaring in his chest. Over the years they have been friends, he and Tommy have spoken about lots of things, including those not so easy to discuss: their respective experiences in the army, Tommy’s tough childhood, Eddie’s difficult parents, the hard aspects of the job. But they’ve all been topics that have come up naturally, raised organically. Tommy has never led into anything with such a pointed opener before.

Eddie studies him. He has one knee pulled up on the couch cushion, foot poking out off the end, the other foot planted on the floor, nearly parallel to the base of the couch. One arm is up on the backrest, the other relaxed, beer bottle in that hand, resting on his thigh, dripping condensation painting a charcoal ring on his — probably Buck’s, in fact, given how tight the fabric is stretched over the muscle of his leg — grey sweats. He’s not tense, but he’s not smiling, and there’s something about his expression that Eddie can’t place. It’s not that he hasn’t seen this look before, because he’s pretty sure he has, witnessed it in flickers across numerous occasions over the years, there and then gone, present for but a heartbeat. But he’d never known what it meant any of those times and he certainly doesn’t now.

“'Course,” Eddie says, when Tommy doesn’t go on, seems to be waiting for some kind of sign. Then adds, feeling like it’s necessary given the gravity he can feel pulling this lightsome evening down to something more serious.  “Anything.”

Tommy sighs, bites his lip like he doesn’t want to speak, even though he’s the one who said he wanted to talk, then shakes his head and takes a pull of his beer.

“Is everything okay?” Eddie’s starting to feel worried now. He mentally scans back over the past few weeks, trying to remember if Tommy has mentioned anything about work that could be a problem. He saw him at basketball last week, and nothing had seemed off. Plus, Buck hasn’t said anything. Not that he’d necessarily tell Eddie about an issue Tommy was having, not if Tommy wanted it kept private, but Eddie can usually tell when Buck’s concerned about someone, and he hasn’t picked up on anything, not at all. 

But maybe this isn’t about a problem Tommy is having. Maybe this is a Buck problem, something Buck has kept from Eddie. It would make sense why Tommy would bring it up with him; sometimes a concerted, multi-person effort is the only way to get through to Buck. And Tommy’s more likely to bring in Eddie first, and then expand the team to include Maddie, Chim, more, as needed. 

“Is Buck okay?” Eddie asks, something like panic constricting his throat, making the words come out a little strangled. 

Tommy actually laughs at that, a small, choked thing, an exhale of sound and air. He shakes his head again, but not a no. More like an extension of the laugh, a motion to accompany it, to better convey the disbelief — not humor — contained in it. “He’s fine.”

It’s a relief to hear. Buck had seemed physically okay, when Eddie had seen him briefly before he left the house, since he’d maybe purposefully waited to order his Uber until Buck pulled up in his jeep outside, despite Christopher’s insistence he didn’t need to wait for Buck to arrive, despite the fact that his kid is more than old enough to be left in the house alone for the twenty minutes it would have taken Buck to drive over, while Eddie was ferried the opposite way. But there could still have been something, Buck could have been fighting through pain, much better at hiding any hurt of his body than he is at masking his emotional distress. 

“But,” Tommy says, and that one word is enough to have Eddie’s muscles tightening once more, “It is Evan I wanted to talk about.”

Again, Tommy doesn’t follow it up with anything. Eddie has found, in their time as friends, that Tommy is not often a man lost for words. Quite the opposite, in fact. He usually says what he means, means what he says, and is an expert at listening and delivering sage advice. This reticence– it doesn’t feel like it bodes well, has the hair on the back of Eddie’s neck prickling.

“Alright,” Eddie says, a feeble prompt. “So, Buck?”

Tommy nods, like he’s gearing himself up for something, to face a challenge, to take a punch. Eddie is expecting something bad, so the words he says catch him even more off guard than they would have. “I want to ask Evan to marry me.”

Maybe if Tommy had seemed eager, excited, when he turned to him, Eddie could have anticipated the blow, could have felt a creeping suspicion this is where Tommy was headed, could have been provided with enough of a heads-up to brace himself. As it is, he doesn’t see the hit coming, takes it full force to the chest, so hard it steals his breath, knocks the wind from him. His mouth goes slack, and he feels his fingers slide against the slippery sides of his beer can, almost spills it over Tommy and Buck’s lounge carpet before he gets a hold on it, on himself. He forces himself to smile. “That’s– that’s great,” he makes himself say, only faintly aware that Tommy isn’t smiling back, like this moment should call for. “Did you–” he swallows around the bile climbing his esophagus, “Do you want help planning the proposal?” He wishes he could take the words back the second they’re out. Because this — just hearing that Tommy wants to ask Buck — is torture enough. To be involved with it, to help enable it, Eddie will be lucky if it doesn’t kill him. Maybe not his body, but certainly his soul. 

“No.” Tommy shakes his head. “No, I want to ask him to marry me. But I’m not going to. At least, not now.”

Eddie squints at him. The news that Tommy wants to marry Buck might hurt Eddie, but it’s not exactly surprising. Eddie’s seen how much Tommy cares for him in the years they’ve been together, has seen the way he looks at him, the way they look at each other. Has felt the way it burns him, the scorching heat of flame, the searing cold of ice. He doesn’t understand what Tommy is saying, doesn’t understand why this proclamation seems not to be a happy one. “Why not?” Eddie asks, almost grateful for the opportunity to present confusion, curiosity, rather than forced pleasure at the thought of one of his closest friends and his– best friend marrying each other. “You guys are serious. I mean, you live together.”

Tommy huffs another laugh, still more disbelief than humor, really the opposite of humor. “His lease was up.”

“Right. But he chose not to renew it. He chose to move in with you,” Eddie says, slow, struggling to understand, the pounding of his pulse not helping him think clearly, see through the puzzle that is everything Tommy has said so far and the way he has said it. 

“He was never going to renew it,” Tommy tells him.

And that’s– that’s something Eddie didn’t know. He hates it when he learns information about Buck from Tommy, always has, even though he fights with everything in him not to feel like that. Tommy is Buck’s boyfriend, of course he’s going to know things about him that Eddie doesn’t, know him in a way that Eddie doesn’t. 

“We hadn’t spoken about living together,” Tommy says, eyes on Eddie. “But he’d said he thought the loft was too expensive and he was spending nearly every night at mine by that point. When he wasn’t on shift. Or at yours.” Eddie pulls his eyes away, takes a sip from his beer for something to do, even though the bitter taste is turning his stomach. “He said he wasn’t going to renew it, that he’d look for somewhere new, cheaper. But this was too close to the end of his lease to find a place before he had to move out. I asked where he was going to stay in the meantime.”

“And he said with you,” Eddie guesses, more a statement than a question.

But Tommy shakes his head. A smile curls his lips but his eyes– his eyes don’t match. “He said he’d crash on your couch, actually.”

Eddie takes another mouthful of beer, holds it there, on the back of his tongue. He didn’t know any of this. Buck would, of course, have been more than welcome. Likely why he hadn’t asked in advance, why he planned for it without seeking permission. 

“I said he could stay with me, instead. That he’d be able to sleep in a bed here.” Eddie swallows, the beer somehow thick and cloying in a way that it shouldn’t be. “And then when he started making noises about looking for a new place, I told him he should stay.”

While it’s not how Eddie had, unwillingly, pictured it in his head — Tommy and Buck mutually agreeing that Buck shouldn’t renew his lease, deciding they wanted to live together — it still doesn’t explain what Tommy has said. “And he did stay,” Eddie says. “So, why aren’t– Does Buck not want to get married?” But that can’t be it, that can’t be right. Eddie is certain Buck does want to be married, only he’d tried hard not to think of Buck wanting that with Tommy, with anyone. Anyone else. 

“No, he does,” Tommy confirms it. He leans over and deposits his beer on the coffee table. Then sits back, still turned to Eddie, but arms crossed over his chest, like a protection of himself. “We’ve spoken about it, discussed it. And he’s told me he’s always wanted that, to get married, to be part of a family.” Tommy pops one hand out of the fold of his arms to hold it up, out, quelling, like Eddie has protested. He hasn’t, but his heart is doing something approximating a riot at the idea of Tommy being Buck’s family. “And I know he has a family. He knows he does. In you and Chris, in Maddie and Jee, in the 118. But–” Tommy breaks off, tips his head to the side, gaze boring into Eddie’s face so strong that Eddie wishes he could turn away, duck and run. “You know how much he’s always wanted to belong somewhere.”

He does, Eddie thinks, the thought almost violent in its intensity. He belongs with me. Except, he doesn’t. Not really, not how Eddie wants, not the way he does with Tommy.

“And I want that for him,” Tommy goes on, tucking his hand back in, squeezing his arms tighter about himself. Eddie’s never seen him like this, hunched in on himself, curled small. Tommy is usually so open, larger than life. “I want to be the one to give that to him.”

Eddie wants to be the one to give that to him. Desires it desperately, a secret need he’s tucked as far inside himself as he can. He can feel it now, raging to be let out, to be set free. But he can’t, he won’t. Buck is with Tommy, he’s happy with Tommy. Tommy who is so warm and kind and good, Tommy who is better than Eddie in every conceivable way, who brings so much to Buck’s life, who gives all of himself to Buck. Who wants to give him even more. Wants to, but apparently won’t.

Eddie doesn’t understand. “Then, if you want to, why won’t you ask him?” he questions, trying to. 

“If I ask him now, he’ll say no.” Tommy states it like indisputable fact, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world that Buck would refuse him. 

Eddie shakes his head, understanding even less. “But he loves you.”

Tommy smiles again, then, larger than he had before, but as devoid of happiness, as empty of cheer. This smile hurts to see, reflects the way Eddie felt inside when Tommy had said I want to ask Evan to marry me. “I know he does.” Tommy’s tone is sure, but wistful. “But he loves you more.”

It’s like– It’s like nothing Eddie has ever felt. Or maybe it’s like everything he’s ever felt. The shock of a residual lightning bolt, the joy of being a part of the 118, the pain of a bullet ripping through his shoulder, the awe of holding his son for the first time. Eddie wants Tommy’s words to be true maybe more than he’s ever wanted anything. But he also cannot believe them, has no trust that they are true. Because they can’t be. Buck loves Tommy. Not Eddie. 

“We’re friends. Best friends,” Eddie points out. “Of course, he– he loves me. But not more. Not like he loves you. He’s in love with you.”

Tommy sighs, arms uncrossing, palms coming to rest on his thighs, body taking on a posture Eddie is familiar with, the one he falls into when he’s talking someone through something, the one he adopted when Eddie came out to him some six months ago. “Eddie, he’s in love with you.”

Eddie shakes his head. It’s everything he’s ever wanted to hear, but coming from the wrong lips. Spoken by not by Buck himself but by Buck’s boyfriend, oh god. “He isn’t. Tommy, he can’t be.” 

But Tommy is nodding, nodding like what he’s said is true, like he wants Eddie to believe it. 

“He’s not,” Eddie says, hears the denial, the disbelief spill from him. Buck doesn’t love him. He doesn’t. But Eddie– Eddie loves– “I’m sorry,” Eddie says, almost a gasp. “Tommy, I’m sorry, I–”

“It’s not your fault,” Tommy cuts him off. “I knew what I was getting into. When I started seeing Evan, I knew there were going to be three people in this relationship. I just–” Tommy sighs again, scrubs his palms along his thighs. “I didn’t expect it to get this far. I thought we’d just be a fun, easy thing. Something to ease Evan into his sexuality, that new part of himself. I didn’t expect it to go like this. I didn’t expect to feel like this.” Tommy closes his eyes, lashes falling to his cheeks. He breaths in and out, while Eddie’s own breath is caught in his chest. When Tommy opens his eyes, he says, “But I don’t have to tell you how easy it is to love him.”

Fuck. Tommy knows. Because Eddie does. He loves Buck, loves him so endlessly he doesn’t know where the feeling starts and where it ends. Doesn’t know when it started; doesn’t think it will ever end. “I’m sorry,” Eddie whispers, needing to say the words again, needing Tommy — his friend — to hear them. 

Tommy lifts one palm from his thigh, his wrist pressing into the muscle as he cuts his fingers to the side in a dismissal. “Don’t apologize for it. I’m certainly not going to. I’m never going to be sorry for loving him.” He drops his hand back down, pats his leg, emphasis of the point. “But it is a problem.” He smiles, rueful. “I thought I’d be able to break up with him, if he didn’t break up with me. I should have, ages ago. I certainly should have when you came out.” 

Eddie, selfishly, had hoped Buck would break up with Tommy then. But it had seemed like a farfetched fantasy. He had told Buck he was queer after Buck had already moved in with Tommy. He’d admitted it to himself, to Frank, before that, but hadn’t told anyone else for weeks. In hindsight, sometimes he figures he’d left it too late, but most of the time he didn’t think it would have made a difference at all. But now, with what Tommy has told him, maybe it would have. It’s a knife sliding between Eddie’s ribs to think maybe. Maybe.

“But I didn’t.” Tommy looks resigned, shoulders drooping. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Eddie needs to know. It seems like Tommy has known for years that Eddie has loved Buck. Loves Buck. I knew there were going to be three people in this relationship. So why is he only bringing it up now?

“Because I didn’t. Because I can’t. I can’t break up with him. But I want to move forward. And I want to do so with him, for us to further our life together. But if I ask him to marry me when he doesn’t know for sure that you’re not an option, he’ll say no.”

Fear freezes Eddie’s insides. “So, what– what are you asking me to do?” Because Tommy is asking something of Eddie, wants something. Something Eddie fears he will have to make himself give.

Tommy straightens up, shoulders rolling back. He’s serious, solemn but not demanding or pleading when he says it. A devastating request. “I’m asking you, as my friend, to let him go.”

Eddie could be sick, he thinks, could vomit up the three and a quarter beers and the half a dozen chicken wings he’s consumed since he got to Tommy and Buck’s place. Could spill the mess of his insides up all over himself, all over Tommy, all over their lives. Tommy is his friend, was his friend before he was ever Buck’s boyfriend. Eddie should do this thing for him. Should give Buck his blessing to marry Tommy, give Buck up, give him over, completely, to this man who has loved him so well for the past three years. Eddie should; in his gut he knows it would be the right thing to do. But his heart– his heart is in revolt. It’s Buck. He loves him. How can he ever let him go?

Tommy leans forward, places a hand on Eddie’s leg, squeezes his fingers around the ball of his kneecap, until Eddie lifts his gaze and meets his eyes. “Or,” he says, somehow even more serious, “I am telling you, as your friend, to go and get him.”

[thevelvetvampyre]

Just Like the Actress - Neil Lewis x Coworker Reader

Summary: After being begged to stay after work to watch a film with the guys from gumshoe video, Neil is shocked to find out you haven’t watched porn during a drunk game of ‘never have I ever’ and is determined to change that, that very night.

Warnings: small age gap (reader is college aged, Neil is early 30’s), face riding, virginity loss, throat fucking, porn watching, Neil is selfish, he cums quick lol, begging , reader is drunk, general adult content, quite long !

Note: I’ve been so obsessed with 70’s/80’s porn music recently and I feel like Neil would be one to watch a porno with a soundtrack not to dissimilar to the vibes the songs give off so i had to add the one I’m obsessed with atm.

Sighing as you pushed the final tape into the comedy section of the shelf you had just filled with the new shipment, you picked up the empty box and headed into the storage room. Walking past Jonathan, Lucien and Neil on the couch, you rolled your eyes at their laziness as they sat there with a beer in hand watching one of the classics Jonathan was obsessing over.

Swinging his arm over the back of the couch as you passed, Lucien’s eyes followed you as you walked over and watched as you bent over to place the box down. Dusting your hands off and turning around he looks up at you and you curl your lips into a tired smile.

“Wanna stay back today and watch a film?” Bringing the can to his lips, he cocks his eyebrows up as you walk past him to the counter.

“I can’t, I need to study tonight.” You reached behind the cashier to pick your bag, swinging it over your shoulder and turning to face Lucien who now had a pout on his lips.

Tearing his eyes off the screen, Neil looked over at you and and furrowed his brows.

“Oh come on…” He groaned out his sentence as he threw his hands in the air.

Getting into your dream school here in New York was nothing more than a miracle, no matter how expensive the tuition or housing may be. Deciding to get a part-time job to keep yourself on your feet throughout your studies, you came across the shabby, indie film shop and decided it was low-key enough to not give you any more stress on top of college. You worked short hours for good pay whenever you were free throughout the week, earning a decent amount of pocket money for the lack of customers you actually had to deal with.

Oblivious to yourself, Neil only hired you as a piece of eye-candy, eroticising the thought of a much younger collage student who was financially dependent on his business. It was like the porno’s he watched, swelling countless erections in his pants as he fantasied you coming in after your shift, begging for a raise and proving him you would do anything to get it.

It started with watching the way your ass stuck out when you bent down in the agonisingly short skirts you wore, his neck pushing back as he tilted his head to get a good look and salivating at the sight of your bare thighs. Then it moved to staring at your plush tits, cock stiffening as he watched them bounce in your thin shirts as you walked through the store. Soon, it became a habit to replace the pornstars face with yours as he stroked himself, cumming on his stomach as he whined out your name wishing he was shoving himself against the back of your cunt instead.

“I have a test in a couple of days… I haven’t studied and I need to pass-“ You were interrupted by Neil standing up and walking towards you.

“Please- just one film…” He stopped in front of you and pouted his lips, clenching his jaw as his cock twitched when you gazed up innocently at him.

Sighing out, you looked over at Jonathan and Lucien who raised their beers to you, giving a hopeful smile. Looking back at Neil, you shook your head and made your way towards the door. He quickly walked besides you and rambled out a sequence of pleas to get you to stay.

“You never stay-“ He whined out in a higher octave than you’ve ever heard him speak at.

“Because I’m in college-“ Logically stating, you rolled your eyes at his lack of understanding. Turning to face him now you watched as his face scrunched as he walked faster to keep up with you, vein protruding in his neck as he breathlessly begged.

“But just one night please I’m-“ His begs were mixed in with the sound of the loud TV, close to overstimulating your senses with the noise pollution that surrounded you.

“No Neil… I have to study-“ You slowly grew annoyed at his persistence. He quickly grabbed your shoulders and forcibly turned you around to face him, stoping you sharp in your tracks just before you managed to get through the door.

“Just one film. Then you go can go back to whatever boring subject your studying.” His eyes widened and you felt the harshness of his fingertips in your arms, trying to shake free of his grasp as the pain was a sharp sting.

He took a small step towards you and you were mere inches apart, his lips and cheeks were flushed a deep red as he let go of your arms and poured his baby blue iris’s into yours. Sighing, you looked back at Jonathan and Lucien who had returned their gaze onto the TV, Neil now so close you could feel the heat radiating off his body and coating your skin.

“Please.” He whispered and you turned back to look at him, his puppy eyes glassy from the beer and tearing up, the bottom of his lip rolling under his tongue as his teeth grazed his baby pink skin.

“Fine…fine.” You nodded and put your hands up in defence. A look of relief washed over his face and his wide eyes turned soft, grabbing your shoulders again and shaking you in aggressive excitement as he lowered his knees to meet your eye level. His now pleading gaze had turned into a toothy smile, the thin dimples of the side of his cheeks showing just how happy he was that you decided to stay.

“Yes! Thank you…” He stopped shaking you and let you go once again, placing his hands on his hips as he sighed a relief with the triumphed smile stuck on his face.

Staring down at you, he felt the heat of his thumping erection from the closeness of you fill his pants, his tip leaking with the idea that you’d be staying to watch a film and giving him more time to assault your body with his eyes. Looking down at you now, he began throbbing at the thought of your eyes exactly like this but smudged black with mascara, saliva spilling out your mouth as you gagged on the base of him.

Breaking away, he snapped his head to the guys and remained smiling through his breaths.

“Jonathan- we need more drinks!” He screamed over to the couch, Jonathan snapping his attention to you and giving you a toothy smile before standing up and vanishing out the door.

————————

“So, how’s you like the film?” Lucien slurs his words as his hand raises and his finger points at you, swaying in small circles with his drink in hand.

“Shit.” You said bluntly, Jonathan coughing up his drink and Neil snapping his head to look at you with his mouth open in shock and his brows furrowed.

“What? Shit- that’s one of the most influential-“ Neil starts to raise his voice but is soon interrupted by Lucien shushing him.

“I’ve had to much to drink to hear about it Neil, please.” He rubs his forehead and placed his elbow onto the arm of the chair. Neil huffs out in shock and holds both hands out towards you with a look of disbelief on his face, looking at Jonathan for backup who just sits there and shrugs his shoulders.

You sat on the sofa facing the TV next to Lucien, Neil and Jonathan sat on the other one facing outwards towards the door next to you. The cheap bottle of vodka Jonathan had bought was almost too perfectly on brand with college students, considering these guys were around twelve years older than you. It sat half drank on the table in front of you and the cup almost finished in your hand.

The heat from the liquid had caused an internal burn on your cheeks, eventually spreading to your chest and causing a pink to spread across your skin. You were feverish and giggly, starting to see double of the TV screen and having to close one eye to focus on whoever was talking to you.

You weren’t the only one, Jonathan stumbled and found it impossible to stand up straight when taking the finished tape out of the player, Lucien half asleep next to you and Neil who was equally as red with a glued arrogant smirk on his face.

With the liquor hitting his lips he found you increasingly arousing, if that was even possible. About halfway through the film his eyes left the TV screen to look at you and never turned back. His breath quickening and his heart pounding as he watched you sit on the sofa oblivious to the fact that your short skirt was revealing the crotch of your white, cotton panties. He imagined himself on his knees, nose pressed to your covered mound as he inhaled your scent with your legs open submissively.

Each time you shifted your arm onto the sofa your tits would ever so slightly spill out the V on your shirt and his cock began spilling tears out his tip. He watched them squish together with each movement, lowly groaning as he pictured them holding his cock so well as he thrusted in between them. Furrowing his brows and biting cuts into the bottom of his lip as he watched you twirl your hair with your finger, he wanted nothing more but to grab your scalp while fucking your tight, wet pussy over the stores sofa and having your residue stick to the fabric.

“Let’s play a game!” Lucien perked up at Jonathans idea and hummed in agreement, Neil finally peeling his eyes off your exposed skin and taking another sip of his drink.

“Never have I ever… but dirty.” He smiled like a schoolboy who’s seen tits for the first time, Lucien spurring out a string of excited agreement.

“Shot if you have… no shot if you have not.” He lent over the table and grabbed the bottle, standing up to pour everyone a poorly estimated ounce and a half of vodka.

Your stomach flipped and you felt your heart beating in your ears. You weren’t a prude by any sorts, spending most nights touching yourself till you came to relieve the stress of college and kissing a couple boys at parties and such. You’d just never experienced anything physically with anyone else yet, not even exploring porn by yourself because watching other people fuck was unknown territory for you. Sexuality didn’t scare you but it never caught your attention either, feeling the pressure at an all time high now you were in college with horny men who only thought with their dicks.

Sitting back down, Jonathan looked at you and smiled before asking the first question.

“Never have I ever…” He trailed off, looking out into the distance “had sex in public.”

Only Jonathan himself and Neil took the shot, wincing their faces and gagging at the dry alcohol hitting their throat. Placing their cups down before high fiving each other, Neil looked up at you as one side of his lips curled and his eyebrows cocked up.

“Huh…” He whispered in his huff. You felt the redness of your cheeks spread like wildfire and looked down at your lap, twiddling your thumbs feeling embarrassed at your lack of shot.

“And I know allllllll about it.” Lucien chuckled before Jonathan screamed an extended, frat like ‘yeah’ and stood up to high five him too.

“Right… who’s next?” Lucien cleared his throat and raised his hand slightly.

“You know… it’s getting late, I should go home.” The words slowly purred out your mouth, feeling a sudden sense of awkwardness that not only were you the only girl playing this, you were playing it with thirty plus year old men.

“No!” Neil screamed almost too quickly, all three of the guys turning to look at you in disappointment.

“Noooo… not yet! It’s only just getting fun!” Lucien wrapped his arm around you and pulled you close to him, holding you close as he started to ask the next question.

“Never have I ever… hooked up with my friends sibling.” Lucien excitedly took his shot and raised his empty glass, so drunk he had no physical response to the alcohol he had just consumed.

Finally letting you go, he lent forward and swiftly filled up his cup, looking around to see everyone else to see if they needed a refill.

“That’s hot.” Neil said, chucking like a schoolboy and rubbing his palms on his thighs.

“Okay, uhm…” Neil looked up and glanced at you. He wanted to ask something that he wanted to know about you, personally.

How much of a whore are you?

He hummed a little longer as his eyes fell all over your body, a sense of vulnerability panging your chest as he started undressing you with his gaze very obviously.

“Never have I ever, taken nude pictures.” The guys all laughed immaturely. “Or… videos.” All of them now nodding and hyping each other up.

One by one the liquids in their cups vanished down their throats and the intense feeling of being left out hit you again.

Oh fuck it. You thought.

The sting of the drink immediately hit your tonsil, your eyes squinting as you swallowed it resisting the antiseptic breath out your nose. Looking at you cringing as the after affects of the drink still heated up the inside of your chest, Neil licked his lips and gulped down, shifting his hips upwards as he widened his knees to bring less attention to the tent in his pants. Ignoring the pulse in his jeans imagining you holding your shirt to your chin, pushing your tits together towards the camera as you posed like a desperate whore, he cleared his throat and grabbed the bottle to fill up everyone’s now empty cup.

“Your turn sweetheart.” Neil barely spoke above a whisper and he slowly poured the transparent regret into your cup. His eyes looked up and met yours, the nickname surprisingly causing another wave of heat to rush over you. Blinking at him rapidly, your bottom lip trembled slightly and your brows knitted together.

“Um…” You thought around the room, unsure what to say. “Never have I ever… masturbated.”

The boys stopped breathing for a second before bursting out laughing, a sense of embarrassment rushed over you and you felt like being sucked up by the floor. Nonetheless, all of them took the shot, you included, and all made noises in reaction to the electric taste of the drink.

“You’re gonna have’s to do- try harder than that.” Lucien lent over and tapped your thigh with his palm.

The alcohol was completely distorting you now, looking over at Neils displeased face with Luciens actions, he was spinning in full circles. As if you were looking out a kaleidoscope, your back dented further into the couch and you weakly raised your hand to rub your face.

“Alright there?” Neil raised his brows as he looked at you with those wide eyes. All you could do was hum in response as the noise started to blur around you and the feeling of your heart beating was the only comfort in the bright lights of the shop.

“Okay… I got one you’ll like princess.” Lucien turned away from you and faced the guys. “Never have I ever, watched porn.” All of the guys started laughing hysterically now, making fun of you for the innocence of your last question.

You watched as all the guys took the shots, noticing how easily the liquid poured down their throat now that they were drunk. Coughing, Neil looked at you as you sat up properly again, swaying in your seat with a satisfied grin on your face knowing you didn’t have to take another shot.

“What?” The sharpness in Neils tone snapped you out of your daze, slowly tilting your head at him and squinting to try and see him straight.

“You’ve never watched porn?” His mouth was open and his face was stunned, genuinely in misbelief that you’d never watched it before. Both the other guys gasped as well, snapping their neck at you waiting for your response.

“Never. Ever. Never.” You raised your hand and wagged your finger with each word, giggling at yourself and placing the cup down. “‘N’more please.”

“Are you being serious?” Lucien whispered in almost disgust. “Never?”

“Ugh…” Your neck rolled as your eyes rolled with it. “No!” You pushed Luciens shoulder as you bounced off the shove.

The shop filled with silence for a while, the guys sharing looks of whatever expression you couldn’t care to understand in this moment before falling back onto the couch again. Humming and giggling quietly to yourself, Jonathan stood up and notioned for Lucien to follow him.

“We’ll go to the Chinese… get food.” He was swaying as he put his coat on, Lucien barely being able to stand up in himself.

“All too… too drunk.” He lifted his chin and pointed at Neil. “Take care of her… kay?” Neil nodded before Jonathan and Lucien stumbled out of the shop to the corner Chinese shop to pick up boxes of drunk food to sober everyone up.

Shifting up to sit properly on the couch once more, you brought your knees to your chest and glanced over at Neil who was already gazing at you in a dazed way. His fingers ran across his fallen bottom lip as his eyes slowly fell from your lips to the slight gap in between your legs that stayed exposing your panties to him.

Standing up and stumbling on the way over, he plopped himself next to you on the couch and stretched his arm over to the back of the couch behind you. Sighing as his eyes scanned your face and proximity of you, you looked up at him and gave him a boop on his nose with your finger. Giving a small chuckle, his cock had already started to harden at the closeness of the pair of you.

“You’ve never watched pornography?” He whispered, feeling his hot breath on your face and inhaling the smell of vodka. His brows raised in curiosity and a smirk grew on his face as the question fell from his lips.

“Nooo… not yet.” You shifted your knees that were linked in your arms towards him now, leaning your head on his forearm that was still up at the back of you.

Batting your eyelashes up at him, he groaned and lulled his head back at the sight of your flushed cheeks and swollen eyes, wanting to face fuck you so hard you’d lose your voice for the days to come. Anything to see those pretty eyes of yours squint as your throat closes around him.

“D’you want to?” He snapped his head up before asking, a look of confusion on your face. A sense of excitement filled his voice that wasn’t previously there.

You shook your head slowly trying to figure out if he was being serious or not.

“You know… we do have a large collection of pornography at the shop.” He pouted at you.

You shook your head faster and covered your mouth while giggling.

“No Neil… I-“ You began smiling through your words.

“Just one video.” Interrupting you, he nodded in encouragement. Furrowing your brows you pushed your neck back and sat up.

“That’s… no I don’t-“

“Come on. Just one.” His eyes remained on yours, the same puppy dog look he had earlier. Only this time, his head swayed slowly as he tried to focus on yours.

“I don’t… feel comfortable doing that.” You said under your breath, the smile dropping from your face as your heart rate became rapid under your chest.

“It’s okay… you’ll like it.” He dropped his arm from the couch back and wrapped it around your shoulder.

“No I-“ You glanced down at where his landed, feeling the prickly heat of his touch over your arm.

“Please.” He whined. Snapping your eyes to look up at him again, you had to admit to yourself you were curious.

“Just one video…” His thumb slowly started stroking small circles on you as he whispered his pleas. “Please.”

Blinking harshly to try and stop seeing double of him, your blurred hearing was filled with strings of slurry pleas and begs, being unable to focus on anything but how fast everything was spinning and the violent beating in your chest.

“I promise- just one. If you don’t like it-“ You were tired of his voice, having it filled the quietness of the empty story as his finger progressively rubbed faster around your arm.

“Okay…” You whispered under your breath.

“Huh? What was that?” He pulled you closer and ducked his head lower to meet your eyes.

“Okay.” You said louder this time. A small smile grew on your face as you felt slightly excited, curious to see what porn was all about and why Neil seemed to be so obsessed with it.

Standing up quickly while losing balance countless times on the way to the pornography isle, he spent a few minutes saying ‘no’ under his breath and sighing before a loud ‘ah!’ was heard and he came round the corner. Not letting you see the cover of the tape, he ducked onto his knees and pressed the tape into the player with his digit.

Rushing back as fast as he could to sit next to you, the weight of him landing on the cushion next to you shook you as you kept your eyes peeled to the screen.

“This one…” He turned to look at you as you brought your knees to your chest again, looking over your shoulder into his eyes. “Is my favourite.” He smiled and nodded towards the screen.

A girl, who seemed quite young in your eyes, was sat at a school desk with a belt thin plaid skirt and a see through short white blouse that ended at her ribs. She held the end of a pencil in between her teeth as she twirled one of her pigtails around her finger and seemingly pondered into the distance.

Shifting next to you, you look over at Neil who’s face was already red and twitching his hips uncomfortably. He glances at you without moving his head and grabs your chin, forcing your face to the front. Still feeling his heat so close to you, a sense of awkwardness in your chest took over your ability to move and you were frozen, staring at the scene unfold on the screen.

A man in a suit, presumingly this young girls teacher, makes his way over to her desk and pulls her chair out. Glaring down at the girl while gripping her cheeks in his hand, his crotch becomes evidently swollen as he shoves his clothed erection into her face. Gasping at his aggressiveness, you turn to face Neil, once more who’s eyebrow has cocked up and mouth has fallen only ajar. Looking back onto the screen, you watch as the man unzips his pants to free his large, throbbing cock in her face. Gasping even louder at this point, you cover your eyes and turn away.

“What’s the matter? Never seen a cock before?” Neil asks sarcastically, chucking at your reaction.

“Nuh-uh.” You say, shaking your head.

“Oh come on… you’ve never seen one before?” His voice sounding irritated.

You loosen the grip on your eyes slowly and look at him through a small gap in your fingers.

“Never.” His mouth falls all the way open now, staring at you in disbelief.

“Are you… are you a virgin?” He whispers the last word, treating it at almost a swear.

You nod your head slowly and his mouth is now on the floor, his eyebrows are knitted together and he sits up. Looking into your eyes, he wanted to devour you right then and there. His cock was now beating in this pants, a hot string of precum leaking down the top of this thigh and his shaft throbbing to be stroked.

“Oh my god…” He whined out.

Slowly turning your attention away from the stunned look on his face, you peak over at the TV and wince at the girl’s mouth being aggressively fucked. You heard the squelching and gagging noises, cringing as her eyes squinted with a mixture of tears and saliva pouring down her face. You felt as Neil fell back into the couch, watching as his knees widened next to you and a small groan left his lips.

“You ever seen a boner?” He placed his hand around the back of you again, sneaking into the small gap between your ass and the couch.

Looking over at him, closing one eye to focus on his face, you shake your head shamefully and look down. Keeping your eyes on his thighs, you watched as his palm raised and hesitantly made it’s way to his crotch. His palm started to slowly rub on his already swollen cock and he sighed out in relief to the pressure.

Widening your eyes, you rapidly blinked as you stared at him palming himself, his hand pressing hard and small, desperate whimpers falling from his lips.

“Would you like to?” He puffs out as his pace fastened on his clothed erection.

You felt a pool of heat build in your panties at his question, your walls clenching around nothing and the air leaving your lungs. After watching him press harder into his crotch for a couple of seconds, your eyes pull up to stare into his. His lips were slightly parted but wet and swollen, a flush of pink that spread to his cheeks and bottom of his eyes. His gaze was slightly squinted and his eyes looked teary, noticing how his eyebrows would twitch simultaneously with each quiet whine that fell off his lips.

You nodded your head and much too quickly, he unzipped his jeans and raised his hips. Hooking his fingers into the top of his jeans, he pushed them fast to his thighs and laid back just as fast as he got up. Sighing out as his back hit the soft cushion, he tilted his head as his palm quickly attacked the bottom of his throbbing cock.

Staring in awe at the size of him, your mouth started to salivate at the risen fabric and a small moan left your lips as his palm pressed down on the tent once more.

“Do you… do you wanna- ugh, touch?” A grunt interrupted him, gulping down the ball in his throat.

Hesitantly, you raised your hand and kept it in the air for a few seconds, unsure of what to do.

“Please.” He grabbed your wrist and pressed your hand onto his erection, twitching his face in discomfort and arching his back at the contact of your hand on him.

Slowly pressing your palm onto him, you tried to imitate how he was doing it earlier. Pushing your hand harder onto himself, he let you go and started heavy breathing to your soft presses. You felt his clothed cock from the tip to his balls, pushing harder with each stroke as you felt him twitch in your hand.

“Oh- yeah… yeah like that.” His head was lulling and his eyes were squinting, slightly opening them to stare down at how you were touching him. His mouth stayed slightly opened as an exit for his whines, his wet lips drying up as his brows stayed knitted together.

Grabbing the back of your neck as his dazed eyes met yours, he pulled you to him and latched his lips onto yours. Slowly pushing and massaging into plush, pink flesh his tongue skilfully and softly pet yours, licking you fast before pulling back into his own mouth once more. Tracing your bottom lip with his muscle, he sighed deeply as he pressed you harder into his mouth, keeping his open as he moaned into yours at your fastening touch on his cock.

Pulling you back by your scalp, he kept you inches away from his face as he began panting. Your pussy leaked at the sight of him, grasping you hard as his mouth was hot and wet, jaw open and eyes building up sockets of tears at the pleasure you were giving him.

“Want you- need you to suck.” He moaned out pathetically as you touched him through his words.

A look of confusion plastered onto your face, his eyes glancing to the TV as his fists grabbed your hair tighter and spun your head to the screen. Once more, you were met with the actress gagging on the mans cock, barely breathing and sobbing at the pain of the lack of oxygen.

“Just like that…” He groaned out lowly. “Just like the actress.” Loosening his grip on your head, he let you reposition yourself onto your stomach.

Keeping your eyes on the screen, you grabbed the base of Neils dick cluelessly and watched what the actress was doing. In all honesty, she wasn’t doing anything other than taking the mans cock like a whore as he thrusted himself into her throat. Still unsure and insecure on your actions, your lips wrapped around Neils angry, red, leaking tip. The slightly salty taste made yourfurrow your brows, unaware that the substance could even have a taste.

“Fuck- suck my cock.” Neil’s fist found it’s way to your hair once more, holding you harshly in place.

You sucked around his tip, eyes still on the screen as you copied the act of moving your lips along his shaft. Moving delicately and slowly, he grunted and rolled his head back. Slowly starting to move his hips for more friction, twitching upwards and forcibly putting more of him in your mouth, you tensed up at the feeling of his large cock slowly making it’s way further into your mouth.

“Just… just relax.” He breathed out. Listening to what he said, you relaxed your mouth and suddenly his thrusts became a lot smoother as he slowly pressed your face simultaneously into him and his hips twitched up. Feeling your throat salivate as his tip finally hit the back of your throat, he let out a loud moan and held your face in place as he began to fuck your mouth faster.

“Oh fuck-fuck yes, yes stay there.” His voice was loud and high, his eyebrows furrowed into one as a hot tear rolled out the corner of his eye as he watched you begin to gag around him.

Thrusting his hips up higher and harshly now, his knees started to wobble as he whimpered in the same rhythm that his cock twitched. Feeling your eyes swell and yourself begin to moan at the lack of air you were receiving, you grabbed the base of his cock roughly and his head shot back in response. He groaned loudly at your rough contact and you felt his cock twitch violently in your mouth.

Using all of his strength to not continue to face fuck you till he came and covered your throat in his cum, he slowed down his pace as his breathing regulated and tightened the grasp on your hair before pulling you off completely.

Looking up at him with smudged mascara, droll falling down your chin you couldn’t help but smile at the look of lust on his face. His hair had fallen in front of his eyes and they stayed squinted, his pink cheeks now wet with tears and a low whine leaving his plumped mouth as he saw the corners of yours turn.

“So pretty.” He whispered, letting your hair go and sitting up. He pat your wet face and slapping noises softly bounced off your cheek.

Quickly undressing himself and throwing his clothes into a pool on the floor, he stayed standing over you with his cock intimidating your face. He reached down and pulled your shirt off, groaning at the sight of your bare tits and your erect nipples bouncing in the cold air.

“No bra?” He smirked, chucking as he glared down at you.

You shook your head no and covered your tits, feeling exposed under his sight in a way you’d never been before.

“Take your skirt and panties off.” He weakly demanded, lips trembling into a smirk as he stayed standing over you as you did so. His dick bounced as it twitched at the sight of your naked body, something he’d been craving to fuck since you first started working there.

Sitting completely naked in front of him, he made his way onto the sofa and laid down horizontally, pulling you on top of him. Laying bare on him he twisted his fingers through your scalp, gently placing wet kisses on your lips as he softly moved his hands down to your ass. Roughly grabbing your asscheeks and pushing your naked body harshly onto his, he groaned as the slight shove caused friction on his desperate cock. Whimpering as his hands had spread you wide, your body shoved forward and you whined your pain into his mouth. Pulling his head back, he looked at you with a dark lust in his eyes as he cupped your face.

“Sit up- sit on me.” His voice trembled out, never breaking eye contact with you as the words fell from his lips.

Doing as you were told, you sat up and felt your warm, wet pussy sit down on the backside of his shaft. Looking at where the pair of you connected, he grabbed the sides of his hips harshly and whimpered at the slight rock you did on top of him, your wetness allowing you to hump him easily with soft movements.

“Come… come up.” He pulled your hips forward and you furrowed your brows confused. He sighed out and rolled his eyes, that familiar blush creeping onto his face as he looked back at you.

“Sit on my face…” He said quietly. “Please?” Your heart skipped a beat and a wave of insecurity washed over you, never even imagining doing such a thing before.

“Please just… sit on my lips.” He pushed his lips forward as his eyebrows twitched with nervousness. His grip grasped tighter on your hips and you could tell he was getting impatient.

Shifting yourself forward, you lower your hips onto his face and look down as his blue eyes looked up at you with desire. Letting go of your hips, he spread your pussy and placed his hot, open mouth onto your mound. His tongue was flat and slowly licked from your entrance to your clit, tensing on your soft spot and circling the tip of his muscle. You twitched your hips uncontrollably as his tongue moved faster, slurping noises filling the room and snapping your head back in pleasure. Loud moans and whimpers fell from your lips as your hips started to circle on his face, fucking his tongue faster than he could move it.

“Oh fuck.” You moaned, mouth open and eyes squeezed shut. You’d never felt anything like this before, uncontrollable pleasure rushing over you.

His harsh grip left your hips and snaked around your tits, grabbing roughly at your flesh and pinching your hard nipples. A whine of pain left your lips and your head twitched at the sensation.

“Oh my- oh my god…” Your cunt was rubbing along his lips as fast as you could move them, desperately chasing something that you weren’t sure of.

His tongue had slivered into your hole, darting in and out in unison with the grabs of your tits, your hips rocking desperately as a warm knot began to build in your stomach.

Looking down at him, a tear had formed in your eye and you started to shake, even with you sitting down your knees were trembling beneath you. His eyes were also furrowed as he seemed to be in great focus, using his tongue skilfully against your dripping cunt.

Aware of what was about to happen, Neil’s hands grabbed your hips strongly to keep you in place, his mouth sucking at your pussy and fucking you with his tongue faster and rougher than before. Moaning against your mound, you started to shake violently underneath him as a white noise buzzed through your skull and a string of incomprehensible swear words and moans fell from your lips.

Slowing down the rock of your hips, he moaned and pulled his mouth off your cunt. Looking down at him, a transparent ooze had spread across his face. Staring at you with an arrogant, proud smirk, he kissed your slit once more and groaned as he massaged your hips.

“What… what was that?” You said innocently, his cock dripping with pre-cum at the sight of you so weak on top of him.

“You came… on my face” He smiled at you, giving you one last peck on your cunt before pushing you off his face.

He sat upright on the couch, shifting you onto his lap as his back laid into the cushion and he lifted his hips to get comfortable. Grabbing at your hips harshly once more, he started rocking your dripping lips against the back of his shaft.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to fuck this cunt?” He blatantly says, moving you in unison to his words.

You shake your head no and a small whine leaves your lips, his cock twitching upwards along your slit with your noise.

“So fucking long baby…” He says lowly, staring down at you humping his cock. Lifting you slightly higher, he grabs his base and drags his tip along your hole, collecting your arousal and wetting the rest of his cock. Sighing at the feeling of you, he held one hand strongly against your hip as he pressed slowly into you.

Feeling the small breach of his tip, you whined out and his mouth fell open. His eyes squinted and his breathing began to speed up.

“Sh,sh,sh.” He breathed out, removing his hand from the bottom of himself as his tip began pushing into you.

Grabbing both your hips once more, he started to push upwards and his head fell back and his eyes squeezed shut.

“Ah… fuck.” He winced as he stopped moving, giving you time to adjust. Your legs began to shake at the stretch of him around your walls, your muscles clenching around the small inch of him inside of you. The foreign feeling already had you feeling filled, your pussy warm with a slight sting as his cock was larger than anything you’d put inside of you.

After a few seconds, he pulled your hips into his crotch as he pushed his hips up, forcing the whole of his cock into your cunt and stretching you without warning. Sobbing out at the intrusion, his cock had now completely filled you, feeling his warm tip in your stomach.

Whimpering loudly, his grasp stayed tight on your hips and he quickly pulled out and lifted you up off of him.

“So fucking…” He said breathlessly “tight!” He moaned loudly as he thrusted himself fully into you again.

Your head fell back in pain with him repeating this action over and over again. Slowly, your cunt stretched to his size and mixed with your wetness, his cock started fucking you roughly as quickly as he selfishly began chasing his high.

“Fuck-fuck, fuck! Yes… yes just like that.” His cock hit the back of your walls with each thrust, he sobbed out the words and began crying while he fucked you mercilessly. He’d occasionally look up at the way his cock was splitting you into two, a tear rolling down his cheek as his balls bounced on your ass and a loud slap noise vibrated off your skin with each stroke.

Crying out in pleasure, you were a moaning mess and became weak under his thrust. Fucking you faster and harshly, you felt him twitch inside of you as he cried out in pleasure.

“I’m so close… so-so close.” He whimpered, his thrusts getting sloppier and messier as his pace became erratic.

Suddenly, you felt a warm string shoot up inside of you, coating your walls as you clenched rhythmically around his cumming cock. Leaving dents into the side of your hips, his hands stayed aggressively holding onto you as he felt his balls tense up, emptying themselves completely into the back of you. A sequence of praises, cries and whimpers left his lips, watching as his body shook uncontrollably under you and vibrating from your walls.

Letting you go as you subconsciously started to slowly rock once more, he sighed out and finally opened his eyes, his eyelashes dark and wet as his gaze remained pussy drunk on your face. Looking at you, he cupped your cheeks and pulled you in, slowly placing wet kisses around your face as his softening cock stayed inside of you.

Pulling yourself off of him after you had both caught your breath, you flopped back onto the couch. Suddenly, you were a lot more sober and worn out, a tearing pain seeping from your hole as you curled on the couch.

Breathlessly, he looked over at you and glanced at your red, swollen pussy that leaked his cum onto the sofa. Chuckling, he grabbed an ass cheek and pulled you apart further.

“You’re going to stay to watch movies after work now?” He whispered, a smirk growing on his face.

You looked up and him and hummed, smiling as you nodded. Slapping your ass, he stood up and grabbed your clothes.

“Get dressed. They’ll be back soon.”

[chowadoe]

so more on that role reversal au...

Shadow (created as a Weapon Against Humanity) who was eventually raised, and exploited, by G.U.N to become Humanity's Ultimate weapon and Sonic, found by Robotnik

some more expanded thoughts below ^_^

SHADOW - G.U.N AGENT

Shadow was initially created with the intention of being a Weapon Against Humanity. after a life-altering incident, G.U.N. takes Shadow into their custody, raising him to become one of their top agents, exploiting him.

he's constantly under government surveillance... inhibitor rings (developed by G.U.N.) are clamped onto him like a shock collar so he is unable to tap into his full power. (Shadow has neither tested nor does he know the extent of his strength.. he has never tried removing them. G.U.N. is the only one who can remove them.)

the hypocritical method in wanting their weapon (cough trained dog) to exercise and develop restraint on his own terms, and yet forcefully acclimating him.

Shadow’s aware of his past. Definitely struggles with Existential dread about why he’s on Earth and what he was made for. he wants to (and feels like he should) do good, but if he was initially made with destructive intent… is he compensating this way? is this what he really wants? no.. he shouldn't think like that.. Maria would want him to be good..

If not to make the world the better a place, if they still treat his kind as inferior and sometimes, even a threat to the whole human race, does humanity and this planet still deserve its rite for redemption? What is humanity? Is that something he’s capable of, as a weapon of mass destruction?

what is he trying to prove here? His docility? His ability to be obedient and be, by human standards, good? what does that mean in a world that may never accept them, and much less him- a synthetic and all-unnatural organism forged from humanity’s worst and an alien race only capable of Evil and wrongdoing. a being so perfectly suited for any and all forms of persecution. Humankind’s scapegoat. He thinks about Maria.

Maria remains a guiding light. Back then, she would sneak Shadow out to gaze upon the Earth, her former home. She misses it, the lush greenery, the sun, the people. she hopes that Shadow will get to experience what it’s like.

au shadow is emo edgy in a sad wet adult 40yo cat leon kennedy kind of way. au sonic is emo edgy like a 14yo that found out you could buy a tattoo gun on amazon without a license. I know nothing about resident evil

when he's not on a mission, he's usually in his "room" (extremely generous word for containment chamber/training facility.) he's like a hamster in a cage with toys to play with . (treadmills. race tracks. dummy robots. Ak-47s.) He's allowed to freely roam HQ from hours 6am-10pm, and if not, he is usually escorted by a guard, unless its Rouge sneaking him out. But beyond that, it's not like the ultimate lifeform needs that much sleep, and it'd be bad to have their ultimate weapon roaming the halls without supervision. but let's say there's the occasional nocturnal scavenger providing him a bit of nightly mischief that even the most complicated most difficult to navigate ventilation system cannot keep a natural-born burrower out..... (haha)

SONIC - ACCOMPLICE

Robotnik’s “accomplice” (adoptive son?)

Sonic goes along with Robotnik’s schemes but has his own ulterior motives .. after all, working under someone is still infringing on his sense of freedom, independence, and pride.

He only rlly helps out Robotnik out if it helps him… robotnik makes some new tech that tickles his , esp if smth that happens to enhance his existing abilities. sure he’s more than capable of doing things on his own but what’s better than to play with his new toys with his already existing toys (GUN. shadow.)

and if he manages to break them in a day then he’s found an issue that robotnik needs to troubleshoot immediately. eggman should really be Thanking him!

his only known goal atm is to find things that stave off his boredom. from what Shadow's gathered at least. but maybe there's more...

has a very bad No Good Fixation on shadow's inhibitor rings for whatever reason. wonder that could mean.

Still fucking around with roles and nothing's rlly set in stone. Im just kind of giggling kicking rocks and throwing pebbles in the water to see what lands ^q^

Rouge is still there! A contractor for G.U.N. A Recovering/reformed Jewel thief who joins the task force (maybe?) 

the gang is also there! still brainstorming roles though. emrmmm

[mxdnightlvers]

hey hey! I loves your dottore and pant alone with a virgin!reader, so I was hoping I can request the same thing but with Al haitham, childe, and capitano? If your not comfortable atm, feel free to ignore this request!! I love your work :D

➸ 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Alhaitham and Childe with a virgin shy reader (separate)

➸ 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: None rlly, mainly sweet sex and praise

➸ 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬/𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫: Gender Neutral pronouns and reader

➸ 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: sorry I took so long but I hope u enjoy :D I decided to not to Capitano cuz I genuinely have no idea how to write him sorry T^T but enjoy alhaitham and childe <3

Pantalone and Dottore ver here!

𝐀𝐥𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐦❦

He'd outright deny you. It comes as a shock at first and rightfully so, however, it was just his way of showing concern for you. A bit harsh and cold but when he sees your look of disappointment and shock he ultimately softens his tone. He seats you on his lap, hand linked with yours as he questions if you're sure. Despite dating for a while, he knows how reluctant you were to actually do something like that. You're determined however and knowing that you'll be doing it with the man you love and trust, your worries feel nonexistent in comparison. He searches your eyes for any traces of doubt but when he's met with none, his worries are also dispelled.

He makes sure you’re proper comfortable before doing anything. Towels, condoms, lube, you name it he’s got it. By how much he’s doing it’s slightly intimidating but he simply doesn’t want to leave you to fetch anything if needed. He also lets you get used to everything first with his hands. Letting you feel his hands run up and down your body, your chest to your stomach to in between your thighs. He notices how red you are and simply decides to focus on where his hands are moving, a kind unspoken gesture so you become more comfortable at your own pace. However, he’s closely watching how you react, is your waist sensitive? Or your inner thighs? Or do you just like it when he lightly grazes his fingers against your skin? He’s eager to find out but not at the expense of your pleasure, giving into your desires and finally touching you where u want him the most.

His hands are warm, but not warmer than you are, already turned on by his touches. There’s a slight playful smirk on his face when he feels your arousal and you can’t help but feel like he’s teasing u. Pouting, you whine at him making him finally look you in the eyes. Somehow it makes you even more shy than his fingers that were sliding inside you. “Whats wrong love? You can tell me to stop if you’d want.” He moves closer to you, his figure above you making you feel slightly reluctant to answering. Nothing goes unnoticed by Alhaitham though, and suddenly he’s kissing you softly, if his words aren’t enough to comfort you then surely his actions will. And it does, you’re reminded that it’s not some stranger and your lover taking care of you, so when he pulls away you finally reply to him. It comes out as a stutter but you manage to ask him for more anyways, any pessimistic thoughts quickly disappearing as you feel him move faster inside you. Fingers exploring you and his soft words comforting you, in no time you’re wrapping your hands around his neck and pulling him closer as you come closer and closer to your orgasm.

You’re so pretty when you cum around his fingers that he can’t help but mention it. Your mind already blurry with pleasure to properly be embarrassed by his words. Eagerly taking his cock out and positioning himself he asks you one more time if you’re okay, slowly pushing himself inside you when he hears his answer. He’s trying his best to not lose himself to pleasure when he feels just how tight you are around him, but you’re his priority in the moment, his pleasure can come later. Starting off slow but quickening his pace only after you’re okay, ensuring to voice every single thing he feels about you. “You’re doing so well love God- you feel so good.” If you were worried before well, you’re definitely not worried now. He feels too good, better than you’d ever imagine and he sounds so pretty praising you that you can’t help but lose yourself to the moment.

He doesn’t stop praising you at all, whether it be physically or with his words. You’re not the only one enjoying having his cock inside you. He keeps his composure but doesn’t stop telling you how pretty you are or how good you feel or how pretty you sound moaning his name. Soft kisses between each, his hands linked with yours or him holding you closer to him. Each being a way of him comforting or showing his love for you. The initial feeling of shyness you had completely gone as you grow more confident in telling him how you feel or asking him for what you want- simply because of how much praise and care he’s giving you.

He makes sure you cum first but that doesn’t mean he’d be following shortly after. Cum painting your stomach, making you the messiest you’ve been so far. You’re too busy trying to catch your breath though, hands wrapped tightly around his neck as he allows himself to fall into your hold. However, he makes sure to recollect himself first, cleaning you up nicely and holding you in his arms after. Allowing you to rest and sleep comfortably but not after he whispers to you how perfect you are. <3

𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐞❦

Surprisingly, he doesn't doubt your choice. He wants you just as badly but whenever he'd pursue anything more than simply making out he'd get rejected. It wasn't necessarily a problem, he simply decided he'd wait until you were comfortable enough. So it didn't take him by much surprise when your hands slowly made their way to his belt. However, he knows your hesitance to anything sexual so he gently places his hands on top of yours and pulls away from your lips. When you see the concern in his eyes, the realization of what you're doing finally hits and you're already turned into a flustered mess. Seeing your reaction, he leans closer to you to press a small kiss to your lips, softly whispering to you that it's okay. His soft-spoken tone seems to melt away any worries and your hands are urged to pull him closer towards you.

He positions himself on top of you, his hands slipping under your shirt, eager to feel more of you. His hands are so warm, so close to you, that its embarrassing how much he’s doing it. Trying your best to stay still because it’ll be even more embarrassing if you enjoyed a simple action like this. However, Childe seems to think completely differently, while it’s cute to see you struggle to contain yourself, he just wants to see his pretty lover enjoy themselves! He tilts your head up so he can kiss you, his hands slowing down, now lightly tracing your frame as he eases you into it more slowly. “It’s okay, I’ll take care of you.” The soft, familiar tone of voice effortlessly makes you relax, melting into his touch as he guides you further.

Before you know it, you’re already fully nude underneath him but yet you don’t feel the same nervousness that you thought you would. You’re still shy, but he makes you feel so comfortable that you don’t mind continuing. As eager as he may be, he’s taking his time with you, testing your reactions to certain actions. His hands eventually making their way to between your legs, softly running up and down your thighs, smirking against your lips as you twitch and whine from a few light strokes. Finally touching you where you need it, starting off slow, waiting and watching to see how you react. Inserting his fingers when he feel your hips roll against his hand, slowly moving them in and out, applying pressure to certain spots so he can learn all your favorite actions. You’re unable to even keep up with the kiss because of how good he’s already making you feel. You force his head into the corner of your neck so you can hide your flushed face as you near your orgasm.

You didn’t expect it to feel this good and your sane state of mind is already slipping with your first orgasm. You finally let him pull away, and with the most mischievous eyes he could manage, he brings his messy fingers up to his mouth and licks them clean. He laughs slightly when you turn even more red, placing a small kiss on your cheek when you turn your head to the side. “Sorry, you’re too cute and I was too eager to taste you sweetheart.” He pulls away and unzips his pants, spreading your legs so he can position himself in front of you. His hand links with yours as he moves inside you, savoring how warm and tight you feel around him, but making sure to not hurt you. His cock feels even better than his fingers and has your mind hazy with every thrust. Unable to feel any sort of embarrassment anymore as he hits your sweet spot. Hands moving to pull him closer, allowing yourself to moan louder, mumble whatever incoherent words you want to, all because of how good and safe he makes you feel.

He rarely ever pulls away from you. Kissing anywhere he can possibly reach, gentle praises between each. Occasionally asking if you’re okay, or reassuring you to tell him if you’re uncomfortable. He’s super sweet with his words and actions, holding your hand throughout, so that he makes sure you’re okay. This doesn’t mean he’s putting his pleasure off though, he’s enjoying the way you feel so much, moaning a whining as loud as he wants, because you just feel so good, so why hide it from you? Vocalizing how much he wanted this or how good of a job you’re doing, he’s not afraid to make your first time special.

He can’t help himself but cum when he feels you orgasm around his cock. Pulling out and finishing on your stomach before falling on top of you. He shifts his weight so he doesn’t crush you but he ensures that he’s holding you close. Resting for a bit before grabbing some towels to clean you up and dress you in something comfortable. Holding your hands underneath the blankets as you drift off to sleep, his thumb drawing circles on yours as he whispers sweet nothings to you. <3

[jcollinswrites]

How the fudge are you writting so fast??? I sit down to write and end up with nothing or reworking plot instead of writing 😭Have any tips you want to share? Perhaps the ingredients to the dark ritual you perform to get the motivation and remain focused 👀👀👀

So, first of all, you'll need half a newborn, shaken, not stirred…

lol jk (don't shake babies)

Believe it or not I'm the same as you, so here are some stuff that helped me tremendously, especially with my squirrel ADHD brain:

NUMBER ONE that I needed 20 years to learn, is that… forget editing, man. You can't edit if there is nothing to edit, so first you have to sit ya ass down and just fuckin' do it. It doesn't matter if it's shit at first. It's called work in progress for a reason. Who cares if it's shit? You can edit it LATER when the whole thing is already done. What you're reading in my game is literally my first draft. Lots of scenes might change later. In fact, I'm already changing scenes in the background, I'm just not always telling you. It doesn't matter. If anyone gives you shit for it, tell them to kindly fuck right off.

Have a plan for the book (written down. Not just in your head). Don't even start writing until you have a plan for the entire book. It doesn't have to be detailed. Mine is just bulletpoints, but you should know which chapter will contain what, including plot points, character development, relationship progress etc, otherwise you'll get lost, especially in a big IF. And then as you get closer to the next chapter, you can work out more details in the plan to help the actual writing.

If you don't feel like writing a scene, then don't write it. Leave a placeholder word there (I use 'mandarin' because that word likely won't come up anywhere else in the text), and instantly move on to another scene that you have inspiration for. Later, you can just search for 'mandarin' and add the scene when you feel like it. If you accidentally come across any MANDARINs in my game, that's the reason lol.

If you are writing an IF, it helps to start simple. Write the story until a choice comes up, then write the title of the choices, and continue ONLY with the route you feel the most inspired for atm (use mandarin for the rest). Don't let your momentum die by getting bogged down in choices. That's why I have so many greyed out choices when I start a new origin or chapter. I just write write write until the end of the chapter, THEN I go back to whatever choice is the simplest to add, and put the variations in the already-existing text if needed. Repeat until all the choices are written and coded in. This way, the text might feel more organic too, because you already have a pre-written skeleton that you can just add variations in.

Keep notes. It helps to have them on paper, next to you, so f.ex. when you make 9 different deities to choose from, you don't have to go back to the beginning of the chapter every single time to look up which deities those were and what they mean, you can simply turn your head to the side lol.

Take regular breaks. Exercise, stretch. Keep a daily schedule. Eat and drink enough. Try to keep a good health. Your brain won't work if it's starved.

Know yourself and your habits, and be honest with yourself. I know of myself that once I start working on the big plot points, I won't have any motivation to come back to the beginning again. That's why I'm writing all the origin stories first, because I know that if I start going into chapter 2, I definitely won't feel like coming back to start yet another route from the very beginning. So if you don't feel like doing something, then just… don't do it. Or do it simpler. Do it smarter. Trick that asshole brain into cooperating.

Last but not least, guys, 90% of my motivation COMES FROM YOU! Your engagement, your messages, your feedback, every little interaction is what keeps me going! So write me! I will answer! (if you aren't a dick). Literally, about anything. Even if it's just "hey I really liked this small detail here", that will already make my day, seriously. I LOVE talking about my work, and I'm pretty sure every author is like that, so keep engaging with writers, because that's 90% of the reason when a novel gets finished! I'm writing for YOU! Your enjoyment, your fun, because I love telling stories, but those stories don't mean anything if no one is reading them.

[wosoragebaiter69]

but i didn't did pour the whiskey

barça femeni x reader

overview: they said getting over addiction wasn't easy, what about when no one knows? what about when relapse happens after a whole year?

A/N: my requests are sitting... but I can't get to them and im really sorry, ive been so busy atm and dont got much modivation for em'

TW: alcohol addiction, self-hatred, relapse, course language, actual detail instead of me brushing over it

!! viewer discretion is advised, i suggest only mature audiences read this !!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In all honesty, you'd seen the signs. You'd known the inevitable was coming. The feelings of urge that you'd felt a year ago when trying to stop. You had stopped though, so you ignored it. Then it became more real. To the blank stares at the crates in the stores, rather than the hatred you harboured before after finally being ‘better’.

To walking and judging if you should buy it or not.

To blinking tears out of your eyes, wondering why you'd think that in the first place.

Because why would you, you were better now. Right? That's what you'd told yourself anyways.

It kept amplifying over the course of a week. Until you couldn't take it, until everything you'd worked so hard for for the past year came crashing down. All those memories of countless nights pacing, crying, yelling over a stupid fucking substance fade away.

Guilt. That's all there is. Guilt.

Guilt for betraying your past self who had cried for hours, who felt like she was going psycho over not having a single drink.

But, you can't find it in yourself to stop drinking it. It's just one beer, how harmful could it be? Said by the words of a true fucking alcoholic.

So, you do the only thing you can think of and cry. Cry until your face is numb, your throat burning with every breath, cry until your lungs can't take in any oxygen anymore.

Cry until you feel like you've felt something.

Then when you did stop crying what did you do? The only option you thought you had. Drink more.

- - - - -

You knew you looked like shit, you felt like it too. Your face puffy from the numerous breakdowns the night before, your eyes red from the tears that had an endless flow, dark rings under your eyes from the restless 3 hour sleep you'd got.

Also not to mention the headache you'd acquired. Knowing that only last year if you'd drunk this much, you'd only start to feel something. That's not something to be proud of.

You try your hardest to make yourself look even the slightest bit presentable, getting rid of the puffy face with a shower and taking paracetamol to take away the ache in your skull.

This would do enough to convince them you were fine, it's not like you were the loudest or most obnoxious person on the team. Preferring to observe everything with a smile.

What you didn't consider? Your captains. You're only 22 so even if you're techincally an adult, they're still over 7 years older than you.

So you walk into the lockeroom for training, silently making your way to your cubby as usual. Until, you feel a tug on your sleeve. Alexia is standing there, worry etched into her features.

"You ok? It looks like you've barely slept." Her voice is low and quiet, something you were eternally grateful for.

"Yeah, just a rough night. Thanks capi." You don't lie, but you don't tell the full truth either. She can sense this but doesn't say anymore, allowing you to go back to getting ready.

You take the time to rethink of the previous night, the regret you'd felt immediately after taking the first sip. But, the feeling of being unable to stop.

No matter how much you'd told yourself it was nothing, you know this isn't the end.

You push the thoughts away, clearing your mind of any thoughts before walking out onto the field ready for training.

- - - - -

It was the same people you saw watching you; Alexia, Marta and Mapi. It wasn't every second but enough to showcase they knew something was wrong but just didn't know what.

You had joined in the summer from your old club in Italy. No one knew of the past you'd had with alcohol. It's not like you made an effort to tell them either, they respected your choices not to drink when going out and you didn't need to bring up topics that were from before even moving to Barcelona.

Maybe if they knew, you'd have someone to confide it.

Somehow you'd managed to hide it from your old team as well, but considering the close relationships that Barcelona had with each other you doubted it would be shrugged off as easily.

When training was finally over, you were quick to slip away. As the thoughts and need of what caused you in this melancholic state start to reappear in your mind.

Not now, why after so long did you have to collapse now? When the peak of your career could potentially be around the corner.

You want to survive like a normal person, you want to be able to do things without relying on a fucked up liquid. Why did it have to be you?

And why?

Why is the only thing you can think of to soothe these thoughts, alcohol?

- - - - -

You stare blankly at the open carton, hesitation as you ponder if you should give in or not. Should you drink it? Part of your mind says yes, part of you yearns for it. The rational side says no, and to stop before it's too late.

But wasn't it already?

So you give in. The burning down your throat a painfully familar comfortality.

In a depressing way it makes you more aware of your surroundings, the beer bottles scattered in the room. Liquid all over the floor and on your things. It bothers you, but you can't bring yourself to clean it.

So you sulk, going over past memories. You'd never considered yourself a sad drunk, always being happier and finding a way to goof about while drinking. Then, very rarely toward the end of recovery getting angry. Never sad though.

Times change, people change. You thought you'd changed, but that kind of addiction? It never seemed to leave. Waiting until you're vulnerable to attack. Like an incurable disease.

Before you really comprehend it, the whole box of beers you'd bought yesterday are empty and strown across the floor.

You reach a point of feeling nothing, a numbing feeling brought by guilt, the alcohol making everything seem hazy. Your phone is ringing, but you can't bring yourself to answer. You can't bring yourself to care.

- - - - -

Knocking at your door brings you out of the limboed state you're in. You figure they'll leave soon, and the knocking stops after a minute. Until the door opens revealing the three who had been watching you in the morning.

Alexia is the first to you, the others take in the state of your apartment and walk around elsewhere.

"Hey." It's all she says, but enough for tears to fall from your eyes. You can't bare to look at her face, so you keep your eyes glued to the floor.

"Come on, look at me." She uses her hands to guide your chin so you're looking straight at her.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me." She pauses, "Let's sober you up first." You don't argue, and follow her orders. Exhausted, you pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow.

- - - - -

Waking up was easier than you'd thought it would be, your head not pounding as much as in the morning. It made sense though considering you'd drank less than the night before. There were pills on the side table with a glass of water which you take easily.

The sun is setting so you must have slept for a couple of hours by this point. When you walk into the living room you notice all the rubbish gone, the floors are clean and there's no reminisince of beer anywhere. Alexia, Marta and Mapi are talking quietly amongst themselves and look up once they realise you're awake.

"Come, sit." Mapi pats next to her. You nod silently walking over.

"Would you mind explaining to us what happened? I know you’ve said before don't drink, so this is very new. If you don't want to talk that's also fine but I don't want to see you hurt." Alexia says, she doesn't pry but she does make her point known.

"Ok, but please can you do no talking while I explain? I'm not sure how much I can take if I don't explain it all in one." You're not sure why you opened up so easily, maybe because you desperately craved for someone. Anyone.

"Last year, I was an alcoholic and I can't tell you really when it started. It was to take all the weight and pressure off my shoulders originally, but it turned worse. I just kept drinking regularly and when I tried to settledown, I realised I couldn't. So I didn't stop. It worked for me."

"Then as the season moved on I realised I did desperately need to do something about it but I was just so scared of what people would say to me. How would they react?"

“So instead of getting proper help I did it myself.”

"I got rid of all traces, didn't go out as much. It was horrible. I thought I was going crazy. I wasn't ok at all. I'd obviously relapsed a couple times when trying by myself to recover but it gave me more determination. I'd say it took like 3 months before I truly felt like I was clean."

"Then, I'd had the oppurtunity to play here and it's like everything went away. I should've known better." You sigh.

"Known what? Did you know you were going to relapse again?" Marta asks carefully.

"I saw the signs but ignored them, when I did give in... all I felt was regret, I still do. I think that's why I drank the rest if I'm going to be honest." You look away, not daring to look at any of them.

A pair of arms engulf you, large hands pushing your head to the persons chest.

"Listen to me, we can help you. You won't ever have to do this alone, not while I'm here ok? I don't know much about this, but I'll try. We all will." You start sobbing into her chest, clinging your fists tightly into her shirt. A way to thank them without words.

Because the belief they had in you made you feel like you could do it. Even in these drowning times.

—————————————————————————

i hope you enjoyed fic, this may not be accurate to everyone but this is my experience with battling addiction to alcohol and i write it because i too relapsed after a year recently

this was more for also for awareness and just know that you aren’t alone in anything, if you feel you need someone to talk to i’m always here :)

[ohsjy]

ᡴꪫ ‎ my comfort sjy , jake is the only person who can give you comfort and peace , fluff bf!jake

it was a long day for you. loads of work piled on your shoulders since your co worker was out sick. you were stressed and wanted nothing to do than go home to your boyfriend.

jake was your comfort. he always knew what to say or what to do. just being with him put you at ease because at the end of the day, he loved you no matter what.

you stumbled into the apartment and immediately took of your shoes. all you wanted to do was rush into jakes arms. you took your coat off and put it on the rack. you ran into the living room but he wasn't in there, so you went to your bedroom.

the room was silent with the interuption of the shower on. you sighed and layed down on the bed hoping the weight of all the work you were assigned would fall right off.

your eyes started to close and sleep entered. you didn't know how long you had been asleep but when you woke up, jake was sitting next to you. he was on his phone, a frustrated look on his face.

"baby." you said with a sleepy voice. jake turned to you with a smile and put his phone down. the fustration long gone after he heard you call him.

"hi." he whispered softly, helping you sit up on the bed. you clinged onto him, hiding your face against his neck. a small chuckle fell from his lips as he held you softly.

"i missed you." you mumbled, breath tickling jakes neck. jake smiled softly as he brought you onto his lap. he ran his fingers across your back, drawing circles.

"rough day huh?" you nodded, already feeling better. "i have loads of work i need to finish by next week." jake cupped your cheek with one hand, the other still rubbing circles on your back.

"i can help or just be here for support." you giggled and placed a peck on his lips softly. "support would be amazing." jake's support was unlike any other. he always made you feel like you could accomplish anything, even the toughest tasks.

"should we get take out tonight, it's on me." you let out a sigh. "that sounds perfect." jake pecked your temple while fumbling with his phone again. "extra dumplings on the side?" you nodded. "extra extra dumplings." laughter filled the room.

you felt so much relief after coming home to jake. and definitely after eating your extra extra dumplings too.

© ohsjy , sorry for being so ia :( im working on other fics atm so more are on their way!!

[shadowshrike]

Astarion on Halsin Leaving

I can't stop thinking about Astarion's lines when Halsin chooses to leave your party, so have a fun mini-analysis. Note that this text is pulled via datamining because I don't have all the appropriate saves atm. Since the context of your personal story is everything in this game and can wildly change how lines come across, please take my thoughts here as a fun exercise with the text and nothing more.

I think the things that are needed to fully understand where my head is at regarding his lines are two fold:

1. How Astarion talks about other companions leaving

Shadowheart and Wyll can both also leave in Act 2. His responses are as follows.

Astarion: I don't see what Shadowheart got so upset about - it was not that nice of a temple.

For Shadowheart he gently deflects the crux of the matter. This isn't surprising because he is a master of minimizing other people's grievances when he thinks they're legitimate but inconvenient. Otherwise, he responds fairly mildly.

Astarion: So, that's how the legend ends. The Blade of Frontiers, cast down to the Hells. Hardly a fitting ending. But so few are.

Unlike Shadowheart, Wyll is forced to leave by being dragged to the hells. There's no justification he needs to rebuff for Wyll leaving the party's side, so instead, he uses it to double down on his philosophy that 'nice guys finish last and the world is a dangerous and horrible place.' Which, ironically, is not entirely unreasonable given the circumstances.

2. How other companions talk about Halsin leaving

The Good companions don't blame Halsin for leaving. Wyll even blames himself for not doing enough. Karlach also regrets the loss of another strong person around, reminding us once again that Halsin is physically imposing in the narrative, even if the stats say otherwise because of how D&D balance works.

Gale: Druids will always follow nature's purpose over any mortal threat. Halsin goes where he is needed, as must we.

Jaheira: Halsin long urged the Harpers not to abandon this land to the curse. I cannot blame him, for being unable to bear it a second time.

Wyll: I can't blame Halsin for leaving. We could have, should have, done more for him and for the cursed lands. They may never again feel the breathe of life on them. What a shame.

Karlach: Pity about Halsin. I was getting used to having an extra Strong around. He smelled nice, too. Like outside.

(Fun fact regarding Karlch's comment: Astarion has a line where he refers to Halsin as "musky bear-fellow" - musky is also the word used to describe the attractive smell of corpse flowers - and Halsin's underwear smells like an herb garden according to its flavor text. Apparently, the guy canonically smells really good?)

Even Shar Path Shadowheart expresses regret in losing Halsin. Not because she wants to end the Shadow Curse, but because Halsin's nice to look at.

Shadowheart: This land remains cloaked by Lady Shar's power - good. A shame it cost us Halsin as a travelling companion though. He may have been misguided, but I liked looking at him.

That brings us to...

Astarion's tantrum over Halsin leaving

Go ahead and listen to it yourself first, and then I'll dive into both lines.

Astarion: Just like that hulking bear to stomp off in a huff. I swear, druids care more about the plants of this land than the people.

"Just like that hulking bear to stomp off in a huff."

This first statement is not only indignant and deflecting, it's so factually false that it's laughable. Halsin is always calm and regretful when staying behind no matter how you treat him.

Player: You have to come - I need you. Halsin: This place needs me. I wish it were different - I truly do. As long as the curse remains, so must I.

Player: Do as you wish. Halsin: This isn't what I wish. It's simply the way it has to be - I'm sorry.

Player: The shadow curse was always your burden - not mine. Halsin: Yes, and so it must remain. I wish you success on your path. Had things been different, I might have walked it with you.

Player: Perhaps we can still do something to lift the curse. Halsin: No. If you linger, you'll only jeopardise your own mission. This is my burden alone now until either the curse is lifted, or I breathe my last.

Halsin is renowned for letting people treat him horribly and taking it on the chin. Him pushing back is usually related to calmly setting boundaries or expectations. The only times I can think of offhand where he raises his voice in anger is with Kagha, if you interfere with the portal, and briefly after certain parts of the Evil companion routes, though not as intensely (I might do a write-up on that later because his reactions are interesting). He certainly never "stomp[s] off in a huff", and he's not doing it now either.

However, the way this is worded gives me pause. Because "just like [him]" said so angrily gives the impression that Halsin has reacted this way to Astarion before. Given Astarion's habit of rewriting exactly how events went down to absolve himself of accountability, it makes me wonder if Astarion's tried to get a rise out of Halsin in camp and been shut down. Since Halsin is the only Good companion at that point who is also old and worldly enough to not get flustered by Astarion's cruelty, mind games, and flirting, it wouldn't surprise me if Astarion has built up resentment. Halsin refuses to be manipulated or confirm Astarion's cynical worldview, and Astarion isn't ready to consider changing his mind with Cazador on the horizon.

"I swear, druids care more about the plants of this land than the people."

This is, again, a false statement wrapped in a little more truth than the first. Druids are indeed infamous for putting nature above humans (see: Shadow Druids), and Halsin talks a big game about Balance and Nature. However, Halsin is probably the most people-oriented traditional druid we see in the game, going so far as to cause chaos in his grove by aggressively taking in refugees and personally traveling with an undead and servant of Shar because they need help. He chooses people over Silvanus' classic teachings so often that it's fascinating.

That aside, given what the shadow-cursed lands are doing to anyone on the way to Baldur's Gate, choosing to stay and attempt to lift the curse is hardly serving plants over people - the Absolute and the Shadow Curse are both significant threats to people. What Halsin is doing, however, is prioritizing his own problems over those of Astarion. He's setting aside the tadpole cause, not because he's selfish or duplicitous, but because he's not willing to abandon the other people he swore to help a century ago and has obsessed over ever since.

Some fun implications

Given all this information, there are many interesting ways to read Astarion's language beyond a surface "he hates Halsin and/or druids" level (gotta love his charlatan background making almost every line capable of ambiguity). Some personal favorite interpretations of his feelings:

Begrudging affection towards Halsin. Astarion has no reason to get so angry and make such absurd statements if he didn't want Halsin to stay. He certainly didn't make such a big fuss about other companions. However, since Astarion isn't in an emotional place to be able to consider Halsin's worldview seriously now that he's staring down Cazador, that admiration gets bungled into a "well screw you, I didn't like you anyway" attitude, much like how he handles some partner breakups.

Resentment and fear of being left behind or rejected. Astarion is selfish. He's been fairly consistent that he doesn't want to help others, but he also hates when no one helps him. That self-fulfilling prophecy is a rather large part of how he moves through (un)life and can easily continue through Act III depending on whether your dialog choices give him an opportunity to express it. Seeing a good person that he truly believes is good choosing something else over him makes the 'truth' of this cynical, self-centered worldview sting harder, especially as he is at his most vulnerable heading into Baldur's Gate.

Guilt for not doing more. Halsin has been clear about his priorities from the start. He's one of the most straightforward, reasonable communicators in the whole game. That means Astarion knew he would leave if the Shadow Curse wasn't lifted, especially since Halsin doesn't have a tadpole and, therefore, has no reason to risk his life for them. Since Astarion is almost universally unwilling to take blame for his own actions or inactions, he's trying to push the responsibility onto Halsin by painting him as unreasonable for following through on his stated priorities rather than let himself feel bad about not helping Halsin.

I'm sure there are even more readings you can think of, too. Hats off to this hidden bit of dialogue, the incredible delivery, and how much depth it brings to a relationship which is easy to ignore.

[tanuki-kimono]

Hello, I have a weird question but maybe you can answer it. When I was a teenager I was gifted a yukata and taught to tie the obi to make it look like a bow. That was cute then, but now that I'm in my mid 30s I wonder if this is still appropriate. Are there other ways to tie the obi of a yukata that are maybe a bit more mature ? I love wearing my yukata, but I'm starting to get self-conscious about maybe being too old for that… (I only wear it for matsuri in Japan so it's not like it's often, but it makes me even more self-conscious because I am very clearly not Japanese so I don't want to look ridiculous.) Thank you !

Hi fellow mid-30's kimono wearer :D It's true some styles can feel a bit weird depending on ages.

Though nothing truly forbids you to keep wearing bunko musubi, if you don't feel confortable with a bow knot or its variations (for ex. this one or this one?), don't despair! there are many (like MANY) other knots which would work with your age and "status" :D

If you wish for something classical, I'd recommend:

Kai no kuchi musubi (clam mouth knot) - a super all purpose knot, worn by women and men alike. It's been around for ages and never went out of style!

Ronin musubi (ronin knot) or katabasami - unisex knots that have been around for a long time too, pretty sturdy and chic.

Karuta musubi (card knot) - easy to tie and quite flat so perfect if you have to ride a car/train or sit on Western chairs.

Taiko musubi (drum knot) or tsunodashi musubi (also called Ginza musubi) - you can fake those ones (usually tied with wider obi) with a hanhaba obi, see examples here and here.

More on the novelty side :

Kamifusen musubi (paper balloon knot) - a more whimsical knot but could still work depending on your style. It asks for preparation but it's very cute :)

Neko mimi musubi (cat ears knot) - there are many variations, with or without hanhaba obi - look at this one for ex

Not-tied obi, a super modern way of wearing obi. Ayaaya has a lot a those, check for example this one and look at her socials for more (especially "frilly" variations)

Any variations of what I call the "waterfall" musubi, where obi ends are elegantly arranged thanks to elastique belts. It's super fashionable atm, see it shown step by step on Billy Matsunaga's channel.

To go further, searching for "hanhaba obi musubi" will gives you a lot of other ideas ;)

Hope it helps, and that you'll have a lot of fun at matsuri!

[notiddygothgf]

4. Taste Like Nicotine

★ pairings: aki hayakawa x fem reader

★ ❝ Go back to Himeno. ❞ ❝ No. That's not what you want. ❞

★ c.w.: suggestive themes, drinking (more content warnings and tags)

★ a/n: HELLO AGAIN MY POOKIE DOOKIES!! IM BACK AGAIN. bc i have nothing better to do atm and i wanted to give yall a lil sum sum before i moved away to uni. please excuse the pacing of this chapter -- this fanfic was supposed to be a oneshot and uh... now its 160 pages in google docs LMFAOOA.. things get spicy in this chapterrr! so yeah anyway, you know the drill, keep me entertained -- keep your funny little comments coming, I absolutely love reading them. You guys motivate me to keep going! Love yall

★ w.c.;4.1k

shameless ; chapter index

THE OFFICE WAS QUIET, the hum of fluorescent lights and the occasional rustling of papers the only sounds that broke the silence. You were alone, finishing up some last-minute paperwork after hours. The mission had gone surprisingly well—no casualties, a rare feat in your line of work. The team had even managed to kill a large Devil containing a piece of Gun Devil Flesh, a significant victory. Yet, instead of joining the others to celebrate, you had chosen to stay behind. Partly to avoid any awkward encounters with Himeno, but mostly because you felt restless, unable to shake off the events of the past few days.

As you finished up the last of your reports, you glanced at the new message on your phone.

HIMENO| you didn't come tonight.

Typing...

YOU

| I didn't think you'd wanna see me after the stunt I pulled.

HIMENO| I dont, but I wanted u to know that everyone is talking abt u

YOU

| ??

| wym

HIMENO

| your shadow didn't come tonight, either.

Typing...

YOU| look, himeno, ive actually been wanting to talk to you about that

| would you be able to meet up and talk it out?

HIMENO| id rather not honestly.

| ur a grown woman and i cant stop u from doing what u want

| but just know that people in pb. safety talk

| dont mess up a relationship with a perfectly good man for aki

| u should leave him for someone who can actually give him what he needs

YOU| I understand that I've hurt you, Himeno, and I'm sorry

| I have no intentions of being with Aki.

HIMENO| good

| dont get him mixed up in ur fucked up marriage

|  he doesnt deserve that.

You sighed, pocketing your phone. There were certain battles you simply couldn't win. This would undoubtedly be one of them.

It was late, and you knew you should head home. You gathered your things and made your way down the dimly lit hallways, your footsteps echoing in the emptiness.

As you passed the breakroom, you heard voices. One familiar voice, more specifically.

You slowed your pace, not wanting to intrude but curious enough to catch a snippet of the conversation. The door was slightly ajar, and you could see two figures inside.

"You look desperate, dude," the unknown person said, barely audible. "It's not attractive."

"I'm becoming ridiculous," Captain Hayakawa said, his voice low and strained. "I'm losing hope."

"Hope of what? Convincing a married woman to break her vows?" the other person retorted, a hint of incredulity in his tone.

Are they talking about me? You asked. You knew the answer. You simply did not want to confront it.

Hayakawa sighed. "I thought she would call me by now," he admitted, the vulnerability in his voice making your stomach churn uncomfortably. "I just... there was something there."

There was a pause, then the other person sighed, his voice softening. "God, you are ridiculous." After a moment, he added, almost reluctantly, "Shit, sorry, man. I know you like her."

"No, you're right," He replied, a note of resignation following his words. "She doesn't want to speak to me. I'm driving myself crazy waiting for someone who's never gonna call."

You felt a knot tighten in your stomach, guilt and confusion swirling together. You hadn't intended to eavesdrop, but now you couldn't just walk away without feeling a pang of something—regret, perhaps? The slip of paper with his number, still in your possession, weighed heavily in your mind. You had been avoiding the situation, avoiding him, and now it was clear how much it had affected him.

Aki's words echoed in your ears as you stood frozen in the hallway.

He was right; you hadn't called him. You hadn't even acknowledged the note, too caught up in your own turmoil and guilt to consider his feelings. Now, hearing him speak so openly, you felt a rush of emotions—sympathy, guilt, confusion. There had been a moment between you, an undeniable spark, but you had chosen to ignore it, to pretend it didn't exist.

When would it all come crashing down – your efforts? This whole situation?

The conversation in the breakroom continued, but you couldn't listen any longer. You turned away, your heart pounding. As you made your way to the exit, you couldn't help but replay Aki's words in your mind.

He had been waiting for you, hoping you would reach out, and now he was losing hope. Fuck.

He had been waiting for me.

The idea thrilled you, for some strange reason. Maybe because you hadn't felt desired like this in years – it made your head spin. But another part of you was terrified—of what it might mean, of the complications it would bring, of the impact on your marriage.

You couldn't help yourself. You did what you always did. You ran away from him.

You knew you couldn't avoid him forever, but for now, you needed time to think. .

7:45 PM

Typing... 

Hey. |

Typing...

Hello, |

Typing...

How are you? |

Typing...

Hey. They're taking me out for drinks tn as a sendoff party. I think you should be there.

SENT.

YOU | Hey. They're taking me out for drinks tn as a sendoff party.

I think you should be there.

| At the Sip-n-savor in downtown Tokyo

Seen 8:00 PM .

The night went on without a flaw. The atmosphere was infectious, and you had been trying to let loose, drink in hand, as you chatted and danced with the others. But as the night wore on, a sense of unease settled in. Maybe it was the drinks, maybe it was the memories of the overheard conversation in the breakroom, or maybe it was the subtle disappointment that someone hadn't shown up.

Excusing yourself, you made your way to the bathroom. The mirror reflected your flushed cheeks and slightly smudged makeup. You sighed, turning on the faucet and splashing some water on your face. As you washed your hands, you found yourself thinking about Aki.

Despite everything, a depraved part of you had hoped to see him tonight. You had been both relieved and disappointed when he hadn't shown up—relieved because it meant avoiding an awkward conversation, disappointed because you had been... well, actually looking forward to seeing him.

As you touched up your makeup, you couldn't help but reflect on your own conflicted feelings. You were married, committed, and yet, Aki had stirred something in you that you simply couldn't stand to ignore. It was confusing, disorienting. You weren't sure what you felt more strongly: guilt for being drawn to him or frustration that you couldn't just let it go.

"Ugh," You groaned, pressing your forehead against the sink. "'M g'nna be sick."

Feeling a bit lightheaded from the drinks, you decided to step outside for some fresh air. You left the bathroom and – completely drunk – maneuvered through the crowds to the nearest door.

The cool night breeze was a welcome relief against your warm skin, and you leaned against the balcony railing, taking deep breaths. The city lights twinkled below, and you watched them in a daze, trying to steady your thoughts.

That's when you saw him.

Aki was just entering the party, his sharp suit and dark hair making him stand out immediately. You felt your heart skip a beat. Then another. He was killing you.

He came, you thought, a strange mix of emotions flooding you. Relief, excitement, and that persistent undercurrent of guilt all tangled together.

He spotted you almost immediately and made his way over. As he approached, you couldn't help but think how painfully gorgeous he looked, the dim lighting casting a soft glow on his features. In that moment, he seemed almost like a knight in shining armor, a figure out of place in the lively, chaotic setting of the bar.

"Hey," he greeted, his voice smooth and warm, a balm to your nerves.

"Hey," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady despite the fluttering in your chest.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked, a slight concern in his tone. "You're not cold?"

He always seemed to be worried about you and the weather. Still, the chill felt nice against your hot skin, oddly enough.

I missed you, you didn't say. You didn't even think about it. You knew that in a day you would be back on the train and all of this would just be a bad dream, anyway.

You shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips. "No, I just needed some air. It's a bit stuffy in there."

Aki didn't respond immediately, and when you turned your head up to look at him, his expression was unreadable. The noise from inside the bar seemed distant, the world narrowing down to just the two of you in that moment. You felt a tug in your chest, a pull towards him that you couldn't explain, couldn't deny.

"Did you pregame the bar, or something?" You laughed quietly. It felt nice, being able to pretend nothing had ever happened between the two of you and just... enjoy each other's company. "You smell like beer."

"I was having a few drinks with my roommate before you texted me," He answered. Then, looking out onto the street, he added, "He told me I shouldn't come tonight. Said you're driving me crazy."

"So, why are you here, then?" You asked.

He looked at you. "I think you know why I'm here."

There was a brief silence, comfortable yet charged with the unspoken. You glanced at him, noticing the way his eyes lingered on you, soft but searching. It was the same look he had given you in the seminar, the museum, everywhere else, and it stirred something deep inside you.

You hated the way he made you feel.

"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked you. His voice was as deep and rich as ever, and you had about half a mind to take him up on the offer.

You shivered. You knew it wasn't from the cold air. It was him – the smell of him, his cologne, the distinct scent of nicotine that let you know he had just finished smoking a cigarette. It was an aroma so unique to him that you had grown to like it.

You were looking at his lips before you knew it, giving way to a craving you couldn't explain, "I'll try a cigarette, if you have any."

He smiled softly, reaching into his pocket and flipping open a carton of cigarettes and a lighter. He placed a cancer stick between your lips, and you felt a part of you die a little. He struck the wheel of the lighter, bringing the cigarette to life.

You coughed so hard that you nearly hacked up a lung. It had been years since your last cigarette.

Hayakawa stepped behind you, cupping a hand around your elbow, sliding it up your arm, your wrist, your fingers before he plucked the cigarette from your digits.

"First time?" He asked, warm voice hot against your neck.

"Wanted to give it a try," You shrugged. You didn't know what, exactly, had gotten into you. It seemed that with every sip of liquor you took lately, you crept closer and closer back to your old self. The sort of liquid courage that made people make very bad decisions. "Sorry. I'm a little," You waved your hands around yourself, trying to gesture 'drunk' without actually saying it.

"How brave of you," He murmured, pulling a hit from your cigarette and exhaling. He was the picture of sin – face flushed with alcohol, messy bangs, pink lips wrapped around a cancer stick. He was so pretty it hurt.

"I'll try it again when I'm sober," You offered.

"When?" He asked, breathing smoke out into the air. "Where?"

As persistent as always, you thought. Still, you didn't necessarily mind the attention anymore. You told yourself that it didn't matter – you would be out of here soon anyway, and everything would be far behind you before you knew it.

"Why is it that every time I'm inebriated... God tests me by throwing you in my way?" You laughed, Truly, you wished you had considered the implications of your words a little more before you had said them. "Just as I thought your manners had improved since the party. You behaved badly, then. You know that? Very badly," you hiccuped. "You should be ashamed of yourself, throwing– hic–throwing yourself at a married woman like that."

He didn't acknowledge your drunken ramblings, and he also didn't deny the fact that he had been doing exactly that – throwing himself at a married woman.

"Hardly my fault," He breathed out. "I just can't seem to resist you."

"Don't worry," You replied, eyeing him up dubiously as he pulled another hit from what was left of your cigarette. "I'm leaving tomorrow. Won't have to worry about resisting me after that."

"I know," He answered back. "Selfishly enough, I spent the last few hours wishing your train got delayed one more day, or something like that," He exhaled, then snuffed his cigarette out on the balcony, "Still, I'm glad I could see you before you went home."

"I wish I could say the same about you," You replied before you could stop the words from coming out.

He poked his tongue through the inside of his cheek, retorting, "You're gonna sit here and act like you didn't invite me? Like your eyes didn't light up like a child when you saw me pull up?" He turned around, commanding even more of your attention, standing at least a foot and a half taller than you. "You wanted me to come tonight."

It was true. That's the worst part. Everything he said was the truth.

"So that I could say goodbye," You said with remarkable finality, "I'm leaving after this."

You hadn't originally planned on leaving so soon, of course, but you wanted to get the hell out of here before you made another bad decision.

"Already?" He asked.

"You're the one who ran late," You replied. "This ends tonight. I'm going to say bye to everyone else, then I'll be gone."

With that being said, you made your way back to the door. You would go inside, bid everyone farewell, collect your belongings, and then–

He called your name before you could go back inside. You froze in place.

"Am I misreading the signals?" He asked.

You sighed, turning around one last time to clear the air, "This has to stop, Aki. You make me feel like... like I'm guilty of something."

He implored you, "What do you want me to do?"

"Go back to Himeno," You answered, a biting undertone seeping through your words. You were undeniably bitter about the whole situation, and under any other circumstances, you would have tried to be a good sport, but...

Himeno's words were a heavy weight on your heart.

'Don't mess up a relationship with a perfectly good man for Aki.'

'You should leave him for someone who can actually give him what he needs."

You could never be what Aki wanted. He wanted all of you – not just a week of you, clearly. You were married, and you couldn't let all of that go over a guy you'd been toeing the line with for what seemed like ages.

He was a young man. The fact of the matter was that you were a grown woman. A married one.

"She's a sweet, kind woman," You continued. You felt like you were going to be sick just being near him. Unknowingly, tears began to prickle at the corners of your eyes. "Go back and beg her to forgive you. Go be with someone who wants to be with you. Who can be with you."

"No," He answered simply. There was an intensity in his eyes that frightened you, like he would die without you, as he continued, "That's not what you want. I think we both know that. I refused a mission in Hiroshima to stay here with you. I planned to let go of another one in Beijing," He swallowed, "I can change my mind, and you'll never see me again."

"If you have any consideration for me," Your voice was a shuddering whisper, like someone could walk out any minute and hear the two of you going back and forth. "Any semblance– a shrivel of compassion, you'll give me back my peace."

He shook his head, "I can't. You know I can't. You've consumed every inch of my peace, every inch of my mind. How can I give you your peace?"

Fair point.

You had nothing to say to him. So, silently, your vision blurred with tears, you glared at him. Glared and frowned like that would make you believe he was the sole contributor to this issue. Then, again, you turned on your heel and went for the door. You entered the bar quickly.

He followed not too long after you, "I'll go to Beijing, then."

"No." You said. Your teary-eyed fury caught the eyes of more than a few confused bar patrons. "I don't want you to go."

Everyone was looking at you. Seriously, everyone. Your old coworkers, the bartenders, everybody.

You swallowed down your pride, bowing down before them all. "Good night, everyone," You said. You plucked your purse and your jacket off of the barstool. "Thank you for everything. I'm leaving."

Ignoring the confused looks and hushed whispers from the patrons, you exited the bar, your mind a whirlwind of emotions. The rain had started to fall, a soft drizzle quickly turning into a steady downpour. You barely noticed, too wrapped up in the turmoil inside your head. The cold, wet sensation of the rain soaked through your clothes, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You just needed to get away, to clear your mind.

But of course, Aki followed after you. You could hear him calling your name, his voice barely audible over the sound of the rain. You quickened your pace, almost running, your heels splashing through puddles as you made your way down the block. His footsteps pounded behind you, matching your speed. You couldn't escape him, couldn't outrun him.

Finally, he caught up to you, grabbing your arm to stop you. "Wait, can we please talk?" he pleaded, his voice breathless and desperate.

You turned to face him, rain pouring down around you both. His hair was plastered to his forehead, his suit jacket soaked through. The intensity in his eyes matched the storm, a fierce determination that made your heart ache. You met his gaze begrudgingly, not wanting to deal with this, not wanting to deal with him.

"Have I really been imagining all of this?" He asked. He sounded broken. "Is it really all in my head? Tell me if it's a lie. Tell me to leave you alone. Tell me you mean it—all of it," he paused, taking a shuddering breath. "Or tell me the truth."

You swallowed hard, the weight of the situation crashing down on you. "I don't know how to feel, Aki," you finally admitted, your voice barely a whisper. "I'm trying to be good, but you just keep fucking—popping up everywhere. And you say these pretty things to me, and," You choked back a sob, struggling to find the right words. "I can't help myself around you."

"Running from your problems won't make me go away," he said, stepping forward to put his hands gently on your waist.

There was a long pause as you stood there in the rain, staring at each other. The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you. The storm, the bar, everything else was just a blur. You were tired—tired of running, tired of the confusion, tired of pretending that everything was fine when it wasn't.

He added, "You can't run from your feelings."

This time, it was his eyes that dropped to your lips. His tongue darted out to dampen his own, and then his eyes flicked up to your face. When he spoke, his voice was huskier than before, as if it had been tainted by an emotion that hadn't been there before. Was it lust? Passion? Whatever it was, you wanted more of it.

Your eyes widened. Your mouth had run dry. You didn't know what to say. Even being like this right now -- as close as you were, -- was against your wedding vows. This was wrong, and you couldn't do that to your own husband.

Your own husband who loved you so dearly.

Your own husband who left you hanging so many nights on end.

Your own husband, who acted as if he couldn't care if you lived or died.

As if he had sensed your train of thought wandering, Aki placed two fingers beneath your chin, lifting your face up until he was the captor of all of your attention. Him and him alone. Not your husband, but him.

"I could treat you like a princess," His eyes wandered down to your lips again, but this time there was an unspoken hunger within them. "All you have to do is ask, and I'm yours. I already am."

And, God, what a fool you had been in uttering the words, "Don't toy with my emotions. You don't want me."

He paused, awaiting something, anything. His eyes pleaded with your own, luring you in with promises of pleasure and happiness. Gently, he grabbed your hand, placing it over his breast, right above his heart.

"I want you so badly it hurts," He breathed, "For a night, for a day, for a week..." Aki closed the gap between the two of you – brought your faces closer together. Closer, until you could feel the warmth of his calm breath fanning out against your cheek. Closer, until he uttered, "As long as you'll let me have you."

"Aki, I can't-...." You paused. Yet, still, you never moved. Your body betrayed your words, dilated pupils and trembling hands giving way to your internal dilemma. "This is wrong. You know I can't do this."

You were being a hypocrite. You knew you were. One spare glance down at the placement of your hands on his chest -- one over his breast and one looped around his tie -- and you knew he could tell you were only putting up a front.

"I know," he murmured softly, words practically dying beneath the volume of the rain, "But I can't stop thinking about you."

You folded. Your eyes dropped down to his lips one last time, and that's when you knew he had already won.

Fuck it.

"Fuck you," you muttered, feeling a surge of reckless abandon.

Without thinking, you reached out and pulled him towards you, crashing your lips against his in a desperate, frenzied kiss. It was messy and wet, your tears mixing with the rain, your hands tangling in his hair as his arms finally wrapped around you.

The kiss was filled with all the pent-up emotions, the longing, the frustration, the desire. It was passion, it was anger – it was tongue and teeth and lips smearing your lipstick over the lower half of your face. It was two black holes finally colliding after circling around each other far too long.

"I can't make sense of it. I want... you," you sighed, pulling away, voice trembling, "I don't know what any of this means anymore. I don't know what to think."

"Then don't," he whispered, his breath warm against your lips. He tasted like cigarette smoke, beer and mint gum – a flavor so utterly addicting that you couldn't seem to get enough of it. "Don't think. Let me take you back to your room."

You hesitated, the reality of the situation hitting you. This was crossing a line, a line you couldn't uncross. But as you looked into his eyes, saw the same turmoil reflected back at you, you felt your resolve crumble.

You were tired of pretending.

"Okay," you whispered, your voice barely audible over the rain. It was a final, resigned acceptance, the last nail in the coffin of your restraint.

You were tired of running from the inevitable.

a/n: dont hate me. LMFAOAOAOOAOA. i had to! i absolutely loved writing this chapter and i loved writing tipsy obsessed aki. i headcannon that he's a touchy needy bf and no one can tell me otherwise. i think you all know what happens next. im not sayin nothin tho. hehe. ANYWAYYYYY LMK WHAT YALL THOUGHTTTTT i look forward to hearing it!!! lmk what yall wanna see in the next few chapters/over the course of the story. and if youve already watched anna karenina (or read, in which case... how...) shhhhhh youve seen nothing. muah! x

credits: UNKOWN ATM. I found the cover pic on pinterest unfortch. If you know the artist, please let me know, so I can credit them properly for their work!!! This is NOT MY BEAUTIFUL DRAWINGGG. I obviously do not own csm or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

also: come find me on my wattpad if u wanna interact more!

taglist: @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505 , @acethebrave , @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505

wanna join the taglist? | shameless ; chapter index

[isa-ghost]

you have eggza headcanons perhaps? 👉👈

I will take any headcanons of course, I love your headcanon posts

Previous Sets:

Set 1

Set 2

Set 3

Set 4

Set 5

Set 6

MORE: Eggza Edition

Starting with two I made in previous sets:

When left to his own devices & off-duty as dad + not needed by any of the islanders for something serious, he let's loose. No more wise bad bitch crow man who's palpably emotionally damaged yet won't admit it. He's off the shits. You've seen Eggza. That's him de-stressing by fully indulging his favorite things: preparing necessities for survival & being an absolute wildcard.

When he heard someone on the island made up a rumor that Eggza is legit because Phil taste-tested a cookie out of curiosity, he took that and RAN. Yeah. He's egg sometimes. Who's his parent you ask? Well that's a secret (it's Rose).

Remember how I said he commits to bits super hard? Yeah. Eggza is his second biggest bit after the 4th Wall existentialism but it's quickly surpassing it to his biggest one

Genuinely he enjoys his Eggza time. Everyone knows they'll get nothing but task help out of him more or less, so they more or less leave him alone unless it's to say hi or a chance encounter.

Everyone finds him speaking with signs funny and endearing. Except Tubbo. But that's understandable, dyslexia go brr. Even though the fool sometimes forgets he can tts the signs. It's fine, he's most likely to derail Eggza's cookie grinding so it's better if Tubbo stays away doing Tubbo things

He's torn between the kids witnessing Eggza & never witnessing Eggza. He can't tell what's funnier or if he'd be embarrassed. They've heard stories from other eggs though

He has no interest in making himself Look like an egg. The sign usage is all he needs. And its funnier when you approach your grown ass man best friend Philza Minecraft only for him to look as wild as he did during Purgatory but without the Looks Like He's Dying Slowly part & refuse to talk to you verbally. The "what the fuck is happening here" is the best part of Eggza, if he starts LOOKING like an egg everyone will understand what's going on and that's lame

He bounces off everyone's energy. The more unhinged they are, the more unhinged he is. Unless he's harassing the baker. Then he fuels his own fuckery

The funny thing is he makes sure everyone thinks he's constantly this wild gremlin that only knows one thing: Grind. But really if no one's around while he's grinding, he's actually just straight up vibing. Got headphones in, blasting his jams, doin his work. In his lane, unbothered, flourishing.

I would sell my soul to see Eggza beat the ever-loving shit out of Purgatory workers it'd be so fucking funny holy shit

One of his favorite parts of going Eggza Mode is amusing his friends with the way he's just a nonverbal weirdo. Especially when he answers something they say by just dancing

If He's An Extra Silly Gremlin They'll Give Him Avocado Toast As A Treat

No one knows where he shoos his crows off to when he's Eggza. Or if it's some unspoken "ok time to scatter" rule as soon as he puts the gas mask on by the bakery. But they disperse and for a while, the other islanders can't shake the feeling of Phil seeming strangely bare for some reason. It's bc the murder is away

Tbh I bet even without the Hardcore dreams, he'd sleep a long time with how hard he works as Eggza

"Hard work," I say, as if most of the time Phil isn't just making mobs insatiable amounts of horny so everyone can give the baker what they're asking for (the awareness of this is half of why he's so unhinged as Eggza, it's too absurd & funny to him)

Calling back to another prev non-Eggza hc I made, he has less of a filter when he's not parenting or in peril. He has said some absolutely wild out of pocket shit on signs

If given the right kind of motivation, an islander could probably get Eggza to go feral and kill something or someone. Fit tosses him a stack of whatever arbitrary item Phil might find enticing enough atm & Phil is suddenly on a spree like he was with those bunnies that one time