#i feel much better all of a sudden
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good news everyone it does get better at least a little and after thinking about it i'm not quite as miserable or in despair as i thought i was.
#i'm about to overshare in the tags ok👍#our post comrade.#--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------#just discovered that it doesn't make me mad or miserable anymore to look at my ex's old texts#it's melancholy if i let myself think about how we'll never talk again but they're actually funny now👍#i feel much better all of a sudden#i don't hate them as much as i thought i did. and more importantly i don't hate myself as much as i thought i did 👍#i guess we were really just two goofy and struggling teenagers#and i guess we were best friends for a reason#did you guys know we were tumblr mutuals. i never told you that#that was way before this blog. they were the reason i migrated to instagram#👍‼️ if you're wondering why i went back to look it's because i wanted to find the logs of me infodumping about rea/icide for my amusement#they said dar was pretty. that's so funny#and i agreed much too enthusiastically. completely unsubtle#and i talked about how i was changing my name to parme and how happy it made me#i didn't remember that part. i wasn't even officially nonbinary at that point#:).#i can't write about this in my diary sorry it would out me. so it goes here
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Prompt 301
Ellie, during one of her stints of what do I do with my life right now, decides to, with the help of her Original Dad-Person (Look he’s aging and she’s not and it gets less questions the older he gets if he says daughter instead of sister with how the Fentons are getting older too) creates a Boo-Tube channel. No, not a Youtube channel, those are stuck to a single dimension.
Bootube on the other hand? Due to being through the Realms (and wow is Tucker getting so much income from creating it) is interdimensional. Which is so cool honestly. And she doesn’t know what to do at first, and honestly there’s already so many travel blogs that she kind of just… decided to do something that she wished someone had done for her and her brothers and Danny when she was new to the world.
So she creates the channel CAAW: Clone Awareness, Accommodations, and Welfare. They had to learn things through trial and error, but maybe she can help someone out there learn how to find their own selves, or even help someone not melt.
#DCxDP#DPXDC#Prompts#Kon & all the other clones Love Her so much#And it genuinely helps people figure things out if they Do have sudden clones#Each video is in an entirely new place & sometimes it’s just her and sometimes she drags in her DNA Donor & Co#Danny also did a video on what to do if you suddenly find out you have a clone & also discusses the emotions#”I know it feels violating as hell- but you can’t take it out on them. Artificial memories or information or not that is a newborn- a baby-#& they don’t know any better- but also be aware of if you know you Can't properly care for a child & make sure they have a caretaker”#”But also do feel free to beat up the person who stole your DNA especially if they’re your villain-rogue-or whatever other term your#timeline has it’s cathartic”#Ellie has videos such as: How to figure out clone relationships & How to find your first hobbies#& Interacting with the world: What to do First#Some are sillier and lighter while some are more serious#There’s also a special multi part series with special guest Dan referred to as the Evil Clone series#Technically he’s both from the future a fusion & a clone & it’s crazy to the people watching
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Every variation of Tim gets a cat brings me so much joy
#I'v been feeling a bit rough lately which gave me massive art block#But I just had this flash all of a sudden n what do you know I blazed this in about 20 minutes#Just a doodle but it helped me destress n relax so much#Not my best work for sure#But that doesn't matter because I feel substantially better#There's something off with the anatomy in the face and I'm pretty sure it's the nose but I'm too tired to figure out why#Sides I'm trying to be less anxious with my work and not he such a perfectionist. So we ball#Man sorry for the whole essay in the tags 😭#Just a fun little doodle :3#Tim Drake#My art#I need to draw animals more often I love doing it
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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Soooo what are y’all’s hcs on the Tweak family 🤔🤔🤔
#lowkey I like to hc it as a generational trauma type of thing for Mr Tweak#I feel like Richard was a LOT like Tweek when he was little#very anxious and unsure of himself#he mentions in the gnomes episode I believe that his business has been going on 30 years#and was passed down to him by his father by his father before him#growing up I think that he too was given a lot of this coffee by his father#and over the years he was conditioned and manipulated into accepting this as the norm#in hopes that he would one day take over the business#when he was finally old enough his father shared the family recipe with him and at that point he had pretty much been brainwashed#I think he sees a lot of his younger self in tweek which is why he’s so condescending towards him and so determined to steer him down the#same path. Repeating the cycle and all that#and when Tweek is old enough he plans on sharing the family’s secret as his father did with him#MRS Tweak on the other hand is an interesting one#we know so little about her but I feel like her personality also says a lot about her#she’s definitely better than Mr Tweak but she’s still very complacent and neglectful#I think what stands out to me the most about her though is the way her personality can completely switch up at times#most of the time she has this eerily calm almost docile personality#but other times she’s a LOT more attentive and caring#yk like a normal mom#COMPLETELY different from how she usually acts#but the episode that gets me the most is “Gnomes#where she actively goes against Richard’s attempt to manipulate the kids and use them for business ventures#yet this is the same mom that actively poisons her son? presumably for the business??#like it doesn’t make sense to me#I’ve seen someone suggest that Richard has been drugging her too#and BOY would that be a twist#definitely would explain the sudden shift in personality#i definitely think it would be interesting if she was in the dark about a lot of this too#not using this as an excuse as I still do think she is SOMEWHAT negligent on her own but I do think it could explain some things#south park
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Every time Helluva Boss or Hazbin Hotel has a glimpse of genuinely GOOD WRITING, I go insane. Both of these shows feel like edging to me, like they will tease me with these bangers and then leave me to dry EVERY DAMN TIME.
#everywhere it's all 'Blitzo and Stolas' character development' 'Stolitz is back baby' 'I love to see them so healthy'#boring. bland. blah.#I mean yeah it's TECHNICALLY ''character development'' but not really?#and it's not good either#their sudden healthy bs came so far out of left field and it makes literally no sense#their current dynamic is SO obviously only like it is because the plot needs it to be that way#there's no actual subtance and their characters haven't GROWN they just Magically Got Better#I DO really like Blitzo learning to really desire a family and working on actually using his ability to empathize#the lovey scenes with him and Stolas would have hit more if they were more clumsy or awkward#he's just... too perfect? which is just so surface level it feels like a cop-out at LEAST give him some paralles#like if he was copying the family they refused to kill? Cinema. if he was awkwardly copying Mox and Mills? Real Good.#suddenly pulling out this gorgeous Perfect Lover rizz? eh. next.#BUT let's talk about the LOOK that Blitzo gave Stolas when he said Octavia hates gim#the realization that Stolas not only gave up his life but the ONE THING that made him happy- and also the ONE THING Blitzo has wanted so#SO badly because he and Loona never really... got that sort of a father/daughter thing since he adopted her when she was almost an adult#the whole ''I love you. dad'' honestly felt out of character for Loona given how awfully she's been towards Blitzo this entire time#it felt so blatantly like an insert to make Stolas realize JUST how badly he fucked up#and he DID like he WON'T admit it but he's always treated Octavia and her happiness like a backburner#she's been simmering in her own feelings this whole time and he forgets about her again and again and again#if Vivian weren't just kind of awful at fleshing out characters and repeating the same storylines until things Magically Get Better#the fact that we as an audience know next to nothing about Octavia would be borderline genius level writing#showcasing just how effort little Stolas actually puts into his relationship with her that a narrative centered around him all but entirely#neglects his daughter and how she was right that she will get older and he will only know her name#because he just does not actually put in that effort (no matter how much he wants to or thinks he does)#but that opening wound isn't just about Stolas it really feels like it's about BLITZO#and I feel like this would be an INCREDIBLE aspect of his character to genuinely flesh out#as well as giving Octavia more actual interaction and interwoven character dynamics#like Blitzo has SEEN the damage that he is able to do with Verosika and Fizzarolli but he still doesn't /really/ understand his own damage#and I think this would be perfect to flesh him out more as well as perhaps FINALLY add some character nuance to the series to finely put:#yes Stolas is right for chasing his heart. but YES Octavia is right for being upset!!!
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I FOUND MY FAVORITE HAT!!! SHE'S ALIVE SHE'S OKAY :') <33
#SHE WAS HIDING IN A REALLY WEIRD PLACE I DON'T KNOW HOW I WOULD HAVE FOUND HER IF NOT COINCIDENCE#BUT IT'S OKAY I HAVE HER AND I'M NEVER LETTING HER GO#this makes me feel better all of a sudden i am in so much pain today but now im like its ok. i have my hat :]
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Hot take: Totk's story would've been 1000% better if the zonai were introduced more slowly
#the zonai were a complete mystery in botw#then within the first five minutes of totk its all ''OH LOOK IT'S THE ZONAI EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT THE ZONAI RIGHT''#like it would've been so much better if link woke up with his funky new arm and only the constructs were there to guide him#and the zonai charges were called construct charges as well so you had zero idea about the zonai (ppl might guess early on but it wouldn't-#be confirmed they were zonai tech)#as you progress through the story you learn more and more about the zonai and who they were#until about halfway or three quarters through the story a main quest leads you to the zonai ruins in faron where you meet rauru's ghost#and he explains about link's new arm being his etc#idk i feel like it would've preserved the mystery of the zonai and made me more engaged in the story#it would've been fun to theorise about the zonai as i went through the game rather than being told everything immediately#totk is a fantastic game but the story definitely could've been better (especially the continuity between botw and totk)#not trying to hate on totk its just that looking back on it the introduction to the zonai was very sudden#totk#totk spoilers
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it’s really amazing how much tiny decisions and changes can improve mental states when neurodivergent. everyone jokes about dyeing your hair as therapy but like why does it work
#was feeling really burnt out but then got a new phone and dyed my hair and all of a sudden#I feel much better#taking control of your life in small ways blah blah blah#neurodivergent
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Bad news, got back from the vet and my beautiful baby son is going to have to be put down soon, probably tomorrow or the next day, so send him best of wishes for his next few days~ Luckily, he's actually not in a lot of pain (for now, hopefully he won't be) and is acting pretty normal, so I'm hoping he won't suffer at all and everything will be peaceful for him.
#pet death tw#death mention#let me know if I need any other tags#I would post something to help pay for his euthanasia expenses or etc. but I don't know of any secure methods#since I don't know much about stuff like that. I've heard that like on paypal and ebay and stuff people can still get your real name#and some information from their payment receipts or whatever sutff like that. thats part of why I've held off on selling clothes and sculpt#res for so long is trying to find a way to do it that's the most safe. aside from literall yhaving to start an llc and open a business bank#account and run everything on an entirely sepreate thing just so it has no association with my name and etc.#and obviouskly I don't feel like figuring out all of that stuff right now lol#I am busy just trying to make my beautiful meatloaf son comfortable and spend some time with him whilst I can#It's sad. but I'm glad the issues were caught before he was in terrible pain or anything. So suprisingly it was actually a pretty easy#decision. I would rather him go out while he's feeling okay and relatively content then wait until he's in severe#pain or extremely lethargic or etc. So it seems all very sudden but . It's better that way for him.#anyway#of COURSE this has to happen during a heat wave also.. hhrgghhh...#more fuel for my vendetta against summer lol.. Not that it's the season's fault but. something bad happening in the winter#vs. seomthing bad happening in the summer which just adds an extra layer of 'oh yeah on top of everything else#you're going to be sweating and nauseous and chronically uncomfortable!' is like.. >:T#Also for him. part of the issue is lung cancer which has spread and caused a bunch of fluid to build up in his stomach (which is what I#noticed. even though he's acting perfectly fine and normal his stomach was weird and bloated suddenly)#but if part of the problem is his lungs (which look absolutely crazy on xray) then him breathing in hot shitty thick air is definitely#not as comfortable as if he were able to be nice and cool and snuggled in some blankets. etc. etc.#ANYWAY ghhb... send him much luck and positivity!! Really hoping he can make it through the next day or so without#taking a turn for the worst. So hopeing for a peaceful quiet exit and not like tramatic sudden things. etc. etc.#cross your fingers pray to your gods whisper to the night sky so on and so forth. whatever you do that's meaningful to you.
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So I’m rewatching and catching up on Doctor Who for the first time in like 6ish years so I can watch the new specials and like my favorite will always be Tennant, he was My Doctor blah blah but you know what, this rewatch reminded me how much I love 12, mainly his season with Bill.
Capaldi is such a great Doctor. He’s not always nice but he’s always kind and he loves so hard. He’s so funny and I love how he loves playing guitar and he has sonic sunglasses bc he’s just trying to have a good time, he may not be a kooky bow tie guy anymore but he’s still silly. Him and Bill are like best buds and I wish we’d had another season with them and even Nardole bc their relationship was just fun, there was no pre-destined or weird importance placed on her, she was just a normal person who loved learning and was kind and had good vibes. The best of humanity, the kind of person the Doctor takes along bc they remind him that people are important. Bill brought out the best in him and also GAY🦭 anyways his last words are so beautiful and I miss him
#also rip Clara I don’t have anything against her and but I truly think they brought out the ‘worst’ in each other#not like actually the worst but like it wasn’t great#that said I did cry at the last episode when we find out HE forgot her :( him and his guitar playing the song just gets me#and at the end of his run when he remembers who she is 🥺#see actually the second 12&clara season wasn’t too bad but the first one was just 🫠#like it just seemed so toxic?? and for what??#I did like the season finale with the cybermen and Danny protecting Clara but like their actual relationship was also toxic?? so much lying#that 2nd season is better w their relationship but that hybrid shit? didn’t make any sense?? it was just made to seem important#but it literally wasn’t at all 😭#I do wish 12 had gotten a few more episodes with river so it wouldn’t have been such a sudden return?#meh idk#anyway capaldi you’re literally a rockstar doctor <3#this is my first time seeing 13’s run too#I had to skip arachnids cause phobia but I just started the demons episode#I’m still trying to decide how I feel ab her but I love Ryan he’s so funny#I feel like she’s missing that rage that’s literally just below the surface of all the doctors#but I’ll keep watching to see if we get that later
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I somehow didn't catch this during all the chaos from that day but I'm rewatching Forever's conversation with Vegetta, and Vegetta told him: "You're a good person, and a good person knows what their mistakes are. You're a good boy. It's not going to happen again."
#i talk#qsmp talk#and just#I dunno man. that really got to me for some reason#I'm not someone who cries easily at all but this is the second time something related to the server has made me cry#and I don't mean tearing up I mean BIG time crying#which is even rarer for me#It was so sudden too I was literally halfway through a bite of food and I started instantly crying when hearing that#and now my food is COLD agh#Bobby's thing made me cry too but I get because there was so much buildup to it with everyone trying to save him and it was very emotional#but with this I literally just opened up stream and then 10 seconds later Vegetta says this and BAM#[skull emoji]#this post might self-destruct later idk I don't like getting too personal about stuff#I've also been doing so many text posts lately I never used to do that#but this series has made me feel a little bit better lately. or at least my passion for it has made me want to talk and meta like I used to#which is nice#anyways. ya boy's having a rough one I guess
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sometimes i think about it, yk? as cringe as it sounds i really do think about it.
cringe warning yippeee- (just me texting abt dumb silly writing idea AUGH)
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#ill delete this later#probably.#i feel nostalgic all of a sudden over this#sometimes i think about old ideas i never got around to finishing#this idea deserved better even with how much it used to not leave me alone#pre 2 moment frfr#me using what canon we had to form some semblance of a cringe unhinged moment#also yes this is “i can feel it in my bones” this is literally me talking about it for the first time#i miss it sometimes. if i could i would hug this au.... is it an au? probably.#i was so scatter brained abt it yk but its fine. i was 17 and dumb so it checks out#maybe someday ill get around to opening that document. it was literally inherently the first toh fic i really wrote. before i even finished-#-watching s1#like i wrote part of it from october 2020 to november a bit#anyway this is dumb to post about but i feel like i should put this somewhere#i should open up that document to look at it. maybe fix some of that writing. idk
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"i can fix him" not in the "i can make him a better person" way but in a "if i wrote the story i could have handled him better" way
#marikinonline4#mo4#morikaze#morikaze mo4#these images have like a few days gap between them#also that screenshot is me#back when i first found his existence#because i had only seen him in animations and fanarts and thought he looked cool#i had somewhat gathered his character was yet im still devestated from when i found out on that day#i do wholeheartedly mean it when i say i want to kiss this man.#he was done dirty. though i guess asking the only fat character to not be a stereotype is too much#and ive seen parts of the community continue to stereotype him.. cmon#i'm well aware that i kind of set myself up#because well. you know#but watching like a community perpetuate and add onto it with like every other fat character stereotype i can think of.. idk#cant you do better than the creators in this circumstance#it feels me with a feeling i can only describe as “all consuming vitriol” (thanks to my friend describing it as such)#sorry for the sudden. long rant in the tags lmao.#i was thinking about The Vitriol all day today#even though im not in those parts of the community anymore#anyways.#taton's art
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big big association with the color pink but you twist it around because you have your own definition of pink - the kind of pink that makes you look so cool and so rad and so badass (since pink is commonly associated with softness but you like to add more "intensity" to it), big emphasis on kira and lara!lucy au ☝️and you're pretty big on using two toned colors (could be the hair, could be the clothes) as long as there's two conflicting colors mushed together in one. also all your inserts are quite literally just YOU, but you add different flavors (you but in different fonts dare i say ☝️)
and in line with ships, i hope this doesn't sound odd but its like. your ships makes me think that all of your inserts are the embodiment of: "i can be your husband, your wife or secret third thing" SKSJSHSHHAJSJA /POS 😭😭😭 YOU'RE PRETTY VERSATILE IN THAT REGARD I LIKE OT A WHOLE BUNCH it gives out more room for so many cool ideas :]]]
THE WAY I HAD TO STEP BACK A BIT BC this made me tear up actually /POS
AUGHG I DON'T HAVE MUCH TO SAY BC YEAH... you're so right on the money with what u said. Funfact which is probably obvious but ever since I settled on that two-tone jacket design when designing my sona, I have never been normal abt it ever HSKAHSJSH
IT JUST FEELS VERY ME and probably ties into what u said in the last part (WHICH I DON'T FIND ODD AT ALL, in fact, I'm REALLY flattered and happy abt it), bc why settle on one when I can be ALL?? /lh /pos
I can never really be Just One Thing (or that's my indecisiveness speaking) and it shows not only thru the two-toned jacket but also with my overall gender identity <3 and I do actually pride myself for that too so THANK YOU. I'm so glad you noticed <333
#ALSO THE WHOLE INSERT THING ABT HOW it's me but in different flavors has me smiling rlly hard /pos#there's always gotta be a very defining feature in my inserts that resemble my sona as well (like hairstyle or hair color)#otherwise if it was different- then that's just an oc and Not Me. the hairstyles can change but if the color changed then YEAH that's not m#/lh HAJAHDJAHDJDH#also. kinda unrelated but also related (this is gonna get kinda personal and deep so feel free to skip reading)#but before I settled on the two toned jacket design with my sona- I was actually going thru a really big identity crisis#I was never satisfied with how I drew or portrayed myself- and presenting myself was always a struggle#bc of the mindset “you have to be Only One Thing. otherwise ur fake” fucked me over for a really long time#I always presented myself differently depending on the person. and I always loved a lot of things that conflicted with each other#it made me question “which one is the real one? which one is me? what and who's the /true/ me?”#until I finally came to terms that all of it. all of it still me. one is not less than me than the other if that makes sense#and that Comforted me So Much bc it felt freeing and relieving. bc ppl will know me as one thing or the other#and wonder which is better or “true.” and I say all of it!! I am everything and nothing at the same time /pos#I hope that makes sense? SORRY THAT WAS SO SUDDEN. but it's important to me so... <:)#THANK U STILL FOR THE ASK and if you've gotten this far in reading. I appreciate it#💌 inbox!#🍀 jil!
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