#I was never satisfied with how I drew or portrayed myself- and presenting myself was always a struggle

[lovinglin]

big big association with the color pink but you twist it around because you have your own definition of pink - the kind of pink that makes you look so cool and so rad and so badass (since pink is commonly associated with softness but you like to add more "intensity" to it), big emphasis on kira and lara!lucy au ☝️and you're pretty big on using two toned colors (could be the hair, could be the clothes) as long as there's two conflicting colors mushed together in one. also all your inserts are quite literally just YOU, but you add different flavors (you but in different fonts dare i say ☝️)

and in line with ships, i hope this doesn't sound odd but its like. your ships makes me think that all of your inserts are the embodiment of: "i can be your husband, your wife or secret third thing" SKSJSHSHHAJSJA /POS 😭😭😭 YOU'RE PRETTY VERSATILE IN THAT REGARD I LIKE OT A WHOLE BUNCH it gives out more room for so many cool ideas :]]]

THE WAY I HAD TO STEP BACK A BIT BC this made me tear up actually /POS

AUGHG I DON'T HAVE MUCH TO SAY BC YEAH... you're so right on the money with what u said. Funfact which is probably obvious but ever since I settled on that two-tone jacket design when designing my sona, I have never been normal abt it ever HSKAHSJSH

IT JUST FEELS VERY ME and probably ties into what u said in the last part (WHICH I DON'T FIND ODD AT ALL, in fact, I'm REALLY flattered and happy abt it), bc why settle on one when I can be ALL?? /lh /pos

I can never really be Just One Thing (or that's my indecisiveness speaking) and it shows not only thru the two-toned jacket but also with my overall gender identity <3 and I do actually pride myself for that too so THANK YOU. I'm so glad you noticed <333

[stopeatingwhales]

football hysteria x damon albarn

I LOVED THIS SM LMAO !!!!!!!! football obsessed damon is so cute

Pairing: 90s damon albarn x reader

Warnings: noneeee

Word count: 2.281

Requested by anon <3

༉‧₊˚✧

"Who you supporting?" Graham asked me, handing me a beer as he sat himself beside me on the couch next to me in the middle, Damon sat on the opposing side. Damon had dragged me over to Graham's house to watch the Man City and Chelsea game tonight, and knowing just how competitive Damon came to football, I knew it was better that I simply went along with things rather than moan about how much I really didn't want to spend two hours watching two teams pass around a ball for entertainment.

"Erm, Man City." I replied, quickly flicking the can open to taste the bittersweet barley flavouring of the heineken beer as it embellished the walls of my mouth.

"You don't support Chelsea?" Damon questioned, his eyebrows furrowed.

A small chuckle left my mouth. “Of course I don't, they're shit." I sneered, aware of the havoc that my statement was going to cause. Immediately, Damon's mouth fell agape; stunned by my malevolence, as well as partial shock from the new-found information surrounding my opinions on football.

Graham's laughter rang through the room and my ears as my eyes continued to burn into Damon's piercing gaze, him just as amused as I was. Nobody was as big a football fan as Damon had become. "They're anything but shit," he continued, eyebrows now raised as he scoffed. "You're telling me that you support Man City? Gallagher-brother-Man-City?"

"Okay I'm going to sit between you both,'' Graham announced, swiftly standing up, shoving my body to the side he had just accompanied, placing his body between me and Damon, a blockade to prevent either of us going at each other's throats. "Just so we can all be alive by the end of it."

“Well I wouldn't have fucking invited her over if I knew she supported those manic twats, Graham."

"Piss right off Damon, we're in Graham's flat, not yours." I bit back, completely unphased by his childlike behaviour. It had been made quite apparent to the media that Chelsea were indeed the band dominated by the south, as well as Blur, and Man City were celebrated in the north by Oasis. However, it was quite comical noticing the immediate flush of anger that filled Damon's face after my sly comment. Leaning back into the loveseat, my back adorned the soft feel of the cushion behind me. "Graham, who do you support?" I asked, curiosity laced in my words as the football pitch came into view on the television screen - initiating the beginning of the match.

My eyes were focused on Graham as I watched him toss his glasses onto the coffee table in front of us, which had been cascading with countless bags of crisps and other treats to keep us stuffed as the ninety-minute match played through. "In all honesty, I'm not that phased with football," he began, reaching over to open a bag of crisps. "It's Damon here who's completely obsessed with it."

As the match began, tensions were already built to a high degree between the three of us. Small but meaningless comments had been thrown into the atmosphere of the apartment, merely portraying our silliness and how neither of us had seemingly outgrown the competitive side of our personalities, something that would be more apparent during teenage years. Unfortunately however, very early into the game, Damon's supporting team had decided to skillfully snatch the ball from one of the players, eventually managing to get it into the goal - portraying the first goal scored subsequent to the game's start.

Damon instantaneously rose at the goal, shouting loud enough for the neighbours to hear every single word that rumbled out of his throat. "Told you we were bett-" he said, smugness intertwined between his words so effortlessly, though shamefully his words had been cut off by the sound of the cushion, once placed behind me, now hitting his face. I couldn't help but allow a tiny smirk to illustrate itself on my facial features as I admired his face dripping in absolute bewilderment towards my actions. “What the fuck was that for?” he scoffed, falling back into his side of the sofa, as I sustained the grin on my face, watching him. The atmosphere that was once overflowing with hostility was now completely serenaded with Damon's egocentric giggles, forcing my body to hunch into a sulk at how quickly my team had been warranting for a loss so early into the match.

Mid-way through the game, Graham had decided to go to the corner shop by his apartment to get more beers for us to share, due to us having run out to share between the three of us. I dreaded being alone in the room with the game ongoing with Damon present, full-well knowing that his upbeat jolliness would attempt to torment me upon the fact that he was winning, which, to my demise, was exactly what had occured. The air fell still in the room once the sound of the door slamming etched through the flat walls, my gaze focused entirely on the match following on the screen, attempting to focus my mind on anything but the room that I was currently occupied in - though my peripheral noticed Damon's head almost instantly turned to look in my direction once it was made evident that Graham wasn’t inside the flat anymore. As if reading my mind, he decided to shift his body weight, which was once adorned to the other armrest of the burgundy couch, right next to me, where he attempted to wrap his arm around my shoulders, warming me into an embrace. In spite of this, I could feel his intense stare on my features. Using all my strength to avoid connecting eyes with him, I wasn’t going to admit defeat so easily, my stubbornness proving a point.

Once Damon realised, he carried on watching the game, however his body had continued it's embrace with mine. At one point, I was thinking that the match was going to be a lost cause from the performance shown by Chelsea, However, things began to turn around, and Man City managed to score a goal, to Damon's consternation. The sudden win resulted in me lunging from my seat, swiftly detaching myself from Damon, my whole body cheering towards the goal as it replayed on the screen. What was amusing was that, after I had finished my applause, I noticed that Damon had moved back into his seat by the side of the couch, distancing himself from me. "Aw, you don't want to sit with me anymore?" I sarcastically questioned, not waiting for an answer as a small smile crept on my lips. It was very amusing, pissing Damon off. I must say, watching his ego deflate into nothing but a simple sulk at the corner of a room was really the sight.

"What did I miss?" The sound of graham's voice sounded through the room, paired with the clank of multiple beer bottles as he reached into the plastic carrier bag to place them on the table. Each and every one had an individual water-streak pattern, indicating that they had just been chilled - when they taste best.

"Man City scored!" I exclaimed, reaching out for one of the glass bottles as I got the bottle opener to unfasten it from its metal clasp, promptly taking a swig from the beverage. The intent was, of course, to provide Graham with the extra knowledge upon the events that occurred during the match whilst he was absent, however knowing myself, I had also wanted to remind Damon of said occurrences, to surge him to the edge of his frustration. Exclaiming it at the top of my lungs held just enough power to do just that.

A chuckle immediately left Graham's mouth from my enthusiasm. "Need me to sit between you both again?" He jokingly asked, yet an element of seriousness was laced between his words.

“Depends if Damon's gonna stop sulking or not.” I replied, focusing my view on the game playing on the screen.

"You're the one who was fucking throwing the cushions!" Damon shouted, reaching over to grab himself a beer.

"Because you were pissing me off!" I answered, shifting my gaze onto Damon, who was, to my surprise, staring directly at me. There was a certain look of annoyance glazed on his features, though the agitation seemed to subside as soon as we locked stares, as if he was longing for my eyes to bear their sight toward him, as if it was an examination, an analysation to confirm whether we were still on good terms or not; of course we were, while conflicting preferences drew evident tears between us during that moment in particular. After a few seconds had passed, Damon leaned back into the cushion, carrying on watching the game unfold, satisfied with his response from my eyes. Switching my gaze over to Graham, I took notice of a look of question illustrated on his features, to which I decided to mime that it was alright, in order to move myself next to Damon once again. It would've been a lie, and a mere understatement, to say that I hadn't missed his arms around me.

Bunching up next to him, enough space was made to allow graham to sit himself down next to me, though that thought was the last passing my mind; my body was shivering from nervousness, the close proximity between us, regardless of our romantic acquaintance, never failed to bloom butterflies at the pit of my stomach. Due to my body's weight pressing down onto the cushion next to him, it was obvious that he was aware that I moved to sit next to him - but at a cause of his stubbornness, him averting all his attention onto me, admiring me as if I was the only living being in the apartment, a home that hadn't even belonged to me, would never happen - it would take much more to result in his feign of irritation to melt away. Placing my arm around his shoulder, I granted my hand to reach up to his beautiful head of hair, my fingers caressing his strands gently as I brushed any parts that were sticking out on the sides of his head. His arms were wrapped around one another, like a child encompassed in an angry stupor at their parent due to them not allowing them a packet of sweets from the grocery store, though I was playing at his heartstrings, aware of just how much he adored me playing with his dirty blonde locks.

For a short sum of time, we both sat there, my hands never halting their actions. The next few minutes of the game played out of continuous dribbling and passing to other teammates, oftentimes resulting in the other team taking hold of the ball and running around with it for a while until their attempt to score. Randomly, Damon's arm had released itself from its shared embrace with the other, engulfing my body with his as he encased his left arm around my shoulders. We were in a sense of comfort with one another, though from Damon's avoidance of my stare it was made obvious that he was still in the least carrying a small element of annoyance, nevertheless, as I allowed my eyes to linger onto his delicate, paradisiacal features, holding back a grin was seen much easier said than done, a small curvature sneaking itself on his lips.

"Look who's won." Graham mumbled, his voice detaching me out of my trance that I was enamoured in.

A laugh rang itself out of my throat as I admired the lengthy team cheering as they enveloped one another in a massive embrace. "Told you they were better!" I grinned as I diverted my gaze onto Damon, the same look of frustration painted on his demeanour, still avoiding his eyes on me. "You want a kiss?" I asked, tilting my head in order to make sure I was the main thing in his sight, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep up his facade so easily. "Kiss kiss?"

I continued until his eyes met mine. It was as if, for a short segment of time we were frozen in place, momentary seconds passing of us merely marvelling at the view illustrated forth one another, my hands snaking their way around his neck as I leaned in slightly, noticing his blue orbs fall onto my lips, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip as his mind wandered through fields of appraisal. It was then where I couldn’t hold resistance for any longer, and I doubted that Damon could, bringing my head forward as I let my lips latch onto his, allowing time to flow as they lingered still before he kissed me back with gentle force, enough to notify me of his desire that encompassed him just as much as me. The kiss held innocence, portrayed adoration in its true beauty, nevertheless, also embodying eagerness, a yearning of lust.

"I'm going to be honest," I mumbled, removing my lips away from his, panting as I attempted to recollect my breath. "I don't actually support Man City."

"Of course you fucking don't." Damon laughed, our lips connecting once again as he perched his head forward, intoxicating me with the very thing that I desired most in that significant moment.

"If you're gonna shag, please go home." Graham groaned, causing our bodies to jolt at the sudden awareness that we weren’t alone together. Pulling away instantly, a wave of embarrassment covered my cheeks as we looked at one another, infatuation the single thing flowing out of our eyes.

“Sorry Graham.”

[ibart2021]

Maya Macen 

      Through my work I wanted to display the emotions of a person struggling with their mental health.  I tried to encapsulate specific feelings through the use of color and metaphors.  I also addressed some of my concerns regarding the result of a person having prolonged poor mental health.  Knowing that addiction can be a product of that continual state of mind.  Additionally I spent some time exploring still life art. Mainly to help develop my drawing skills and for my own enjoyment.  However the objects illustrated and their symbolism depict the melancholy tone of my theme.  I drew a great deal of inspiration for my pieces from my own battle with mental health.  A lot of the time I find myself feeling helpless or exhausted.  As an outcome of that, most of my pieces ended up revolving around such ideas.  Furthermore, a couple of pieces were influenced by my experience as a person who has closely witnessed alcoholism.  Often projecting the things I dealt with in my pieces.         It's fascinating how everyone at one point or another feels troubled or lost.  Yet, mental health is still a neglected topic of discussion.  I wanted to portray my own feelings in an attempt to normalize a subject matter that is typically seen as taboo.  Simultaneously, by putting myself out there I was aiming to communicate to others that being vulnerable is okay.  I want the viewer to see my pieces and be able to relate them to their own experiences.  What I hope people take away from my art is to be more conscious about how they treat others, because you never know what someone could be going through.  My pieces are connected by the fact that they are all a part of the same story, mine.  As well as that they have to do with the theme of mental health.  So some of the feelings or predicaments I present are closely related.  Even though there is an absence of a timeline, there is somewhat of a prominent “end” piece.  Which is my piece that references taking a step in the right direction and reaching out to someone for help.   As the end goal when struggling with mental health is not to suffer alone and in silence but to seek help.      The media I work with and am most familiar with is types of pencil.  Therefore it is the easiest for me to manipulate to create exactly what I envision for a piece.  Especially since most of my pieces involve realistic elements.  It is important for me to work with a medium that is buildable and sometimes forgiving.  I’m drawn to the amount of detail this media can supply.   Although the process with this medium can be tedious, the end product is always satisfying.  I appreciate the artistic freedom that pencil allows.  Moreover, I don't have a particular order for my pieces that I would want the audience to notice.  The only exception being is that I would want them so see my piece “Reaching Out” last.  That way the audience could see that the rest of the pieces act as leading points to the moment exhibited in that piece.  Still other than that I rather have them connect the dots themselves and what stands out the most to them.  That is why my pieces don’t follow a direct timeline.  There is no distinct beginning, middle, or end because everyone’s mental health journey is different.  It also is something that is never ending, so there isn’t necessarily a conclusion.         The way I’ve formatted the layout for my pieces permits free thinking.  The pieces aren’t arranged in any particular order.  Letting the observer determine where to start and where to go.  The only piece in a different position than the others is the one about getting help.  It will assist the viewer in recognizing the connection between that piece and all the rest.  If the limits were endless, what I imagine for my display is my pieces being exhibited on a plain white wall.  There would be plant vines in between the pieces, to symbolize that they are all intertwined.  It’s simple, to not take away from the actual pieces themselves.  

[lyricalt]

2017 fic round up + annual fic meme

It’s that time again, folks. Let’s see the damage.

THE LIST

*drabble/stuff under 1k words +wip

Boku No Hero Academia

Tell - inatodo

Destiny

hardcase* - implied andal brask/cayde-6

a code of you - original character: sol-6

Gamble* - andal brask/Cayde-6

Integrate

got a feel for you* - post-canon seep - pre-canon

Overwatch

R76

feel something*

21

Fourth Date Stuff

Prompt: cut*

punchline

GEN / MISC.

a priori - time travel, Reaper&Gabriel Reyes

gift for gift - gen - Reaper, Widowmaker, Ana Amari, Jack Morrison (mentioned)

all his cards you want to touch - Jesse McCree (Vigilante)/Jesse McCree (Riverboat)

cross your heart and hope - Destiny AU: has mcgenji, implied r76. Too lazy to link to individual pieces on ao3, so I only linked the ones only on tumblr.

Showteam+

Trigger happy

of all just fools - Destiny 2 AU

MCGENJI

not far from home vantage make you sway Prompt: rainy day* Prompt: surprise* must be love cut* devil gave me a crooked start down and doubt - (background implied r76) on your mark+ - AU where genji is a motorcycle and mccree is a mechanic. serial never had much faith (in love or miracles)* Carry case of six wake up calls: 1, 2, 3 Beach drabbles: 1, 2, 3 like you would to a point, to your knees damned if you do - incubus mccree/oni genji sun steel / soul intersect count to three triple threat+ Prompt: kiss on the back of the hand* 

Total number of completed stories: 33, excluding drabbles and some prompts. 

Total word count: AO3 stats say around 56,500. I’ll ballpark it 60,000.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? 

 I wrote more words and more fic this year, but a bunch of it were very short stories! Shorter than my usual, I think. I am also very in love with the Destiny AU so I think that had a lot to do with my high word count. I also wrote a lot on the side I never posted, ahaha. I think I was very distracted this year by too many fandoms/ideas. Ah well.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? 

Nah. I’m predictable. I’m still side-eyeing the genji-as-a-motorcycle AU though. I did that?

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? 

 CARRY. It was Carry. I loved writing that stupid fic. It was so dumb but I feel so vindictive and about it because I wrote it to have fun and also to express some exasperation about a couple of mcgnj tropes I felt were kinda not-my-thing. BUT!! it makes me happy that a lot of other people enjoyed it too and also @vfordii drew THIS.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? 

 I don’t feel like I took any huge risks. I am pretty comfortable with the subject matter I write (--though I think it’s more of a matter of motivation and sticking to it). I, uh, did write some bottom/sub mccree which is somehow not all that popular within the mcgenji fandom and let me tell you this was hugely a case of “if no one will write it then I will but I will complain about it for the entire time”. I wouldn’t consider it a risk though, but I did learn a bit about how to comfortably write dirty talk without needing it to be explicitly written. I don’t think it shows up a lot in my current fics but I’ve been taking note of what sounds right to me vs how much I want to write, if that makes sense.

Also for the record all my mcgnj fic is implied sexual dynamic sub/bottom mccree, like, in the case it ever happens. (I’m kidding. Or am I. I am. (Not really.) No, I’m dead serious.)

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? 

 Finish the damn fics I start, why don’t I!!!!! (This is a constant goal.)

I do want to write some fandom stories for original characters. I also want to write more explicit fic without shaming myself out of it. What are the nastywords all the hip young adults are using nowadays? I don’t know and I get conflicting reports, but by god I will try to learn.

My best story of this year 

Hardcase, which is admittedly a small drabble but I think.. it holds very well under Destiny 2, despite my frustration with how Cayde is portrayed in comparison to the Destiny 1. I’ve always had this specific opinion about Cayde and his mysterious (and not so mysterious) agendas. Dude definitely has a hero complex and this fic sorta toes into it. Plus, I like any Cayde angst related to Andal.

I feel like, out of all my fics this felt the most complete, and one that I was most satisfied with what I wanted to convey with a limited amount of words. I’m aware that I’m not… really made for longer stories, so I guess… I like to play to my strengths? And this was it.

My most popular story 

 According to AO3 hits and kudos, it was make you sway, another mcgenji fic that started with the same motivation as carry. I think.. it’s obvious… that I, uh, like writing a specific brand of Horny McCree, in that he’s not so much embarrassed by his attraction to Genji but just slightly exasperated by it (and his timing). And, haha, also Genji not being 100% on top of his libido is a nice change of pace too. I remember having fun with this!!

Story of mine most under-appreciated, in my opinion

feel something is one I’m super fond of. It’s very short, but I feel like it’s my best r76 fic in terms of the relationship I want to portray, especially post-Overwatch. I like the way I wrote it; in my opinion it was very to-the-point, and doesn’t have the happy ending they don’t quite deserve (yet) but in my mind it’s still a very positive fic without being too idealistic? Not that either way is bad, it was just something different for me, personally.

Most fun story to write

devil gave me a crooked start was a fic I pulled right outta my ass but wrote it all in one sitting after I came up with a couple of lines of dialogue; “So I’m stuck in the future,” “Would you like to know the future you?”, etc etc. It helped that Blizzard had just released McCree’s Blackwatch skin (WITH THE BLACK LEATHER CHAPS!!!!) and while I wasn’t comfortable about Blackwatch Genji having any sort of romantic relationship with Blackwatch McCree, I was sure as heck willing for Present-Day!Genji having some good nasty fun with a younger McCree.

Also I had a stupid amount of fun writing triple threat: genji/genji/genji, and I’m now just seeing a pattern that I enjoy writing characters being humorously turned on and having fun getting their rocks off, so there’s that. What a revelation.

Most Sexy Story 

God im sorry but I wrote a mcgenji week drabble about blackwatch genji and mccree beating the shit out of each other and it’s the opposite of romantic and definitely not meant to BE romantic, but fighting can be sexy without being horny, right?? RIGHT???

Story with the single sexiest moment 

to a point, to your knees.  

It takes a huge effort for McCree to sit still after that, spine tingling and heat crawling over his body. The switchblade knife in Genji’s hand spins once in a little flourish, drawing McCree’s gaze to it. 

 His attention caught, Genji places the blade at his thumb and forefinger. He slides the knife between them once to no effect, then another time. McCree can hear the grating metal against each other and then the hiss of steam, knife edge still wet with spit from when McCree had held it on his tongue. 

 “Shall we see how sharp your mouth is now?” Genji asks, running the knife through his fingers once last time.

Genji sharpening McCree’s knife with his fingers and McCree getting hot (literally, metaphorically) and bothered by it is a personal achievement. For me or McCree, that’s up for debate.

Though I have to admit I’m absolutely still pissed about not titling the fic “cut to the feeling” instead because that’s a far better name for a knife kink fic an also my third favorite carly rae jepsen song.

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story 

 I don’t think anyone was surprised about even my most wildest fic. I think a friend of mine was initially disappointed that the knife kink fic was tagged for “mild blood” instead of straight up bloodplay. I’m sorry.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters

I never quite like this question because I always have a good idea of how I want to portray a character in fic since most of my fics tend to lean on the introspective side of things. down and doubt is a very McCree-centered fic that deals with Gabriel, as well as Genji in relation to Gabriel. I wanted to show a lot of things about how McCree and Genji fight together, and what each of them thinks about the whole Gabriel Reyes = Reaper thing. I didn’t hit all the points, and I unfortunately had to scrub a scene off that I definitely want to rework in another fic, but I think I had the basics… present in the fic. I guess what did surprise me was touching on Soldier: 76, though the dynamics between him and McCree is another thing I want to write about for a later fic.

Hardest story to write 

  Intersect , mostly because the later half was such a visual story I had wanted to tell in a form that wasn’t all writing. I think It would have done better as a comic but what can u do? I still very much like the first half, which I had rattling in my head for the last year and a half, really.

I was aiming to write about McCree having hang-ups about Genji, and how he views himself—a washed out mercenary with no clear goals, in comparison to Genji, who’s off in a better headspace than him but still interested in McCree anyway. And it’s not so much a reunion fic I wanted to show but a story where it’s just ok to try and reacquaint yourselves with someone who might be a new person to you. I think. I very much did not want it to be a reunion fic.

Most disappointing 

 Intersect!!!!!!!! It was so jumpy!!!! I had a lot of expectations for it!!!! I wanted it to be so much!!!! In the end I just gave up trying to make the words all fit and banged out the rest of the story and let it go. I’m still upset it didn’t come out the way I wanted it but I think it was better to just post the damn thing rather than let it rot in my drive forever. I felt better for posting it but I don’t think I can reread it anytime soon.

Easiest story to write 

 I lot of fics that fall into this category were the drabbles like Wake Up Calls. I really like writing about mundane moments and little glimpses of a developing relationship, especially for mcgenji, because my headcanon of them consists of a bunch of little moments that somehow build up into a rolling romance that sneaks up on both of them. I think it’s why I have such a hard time writing one long cohesive fic about them. There just isn’t a Big Ah-Ha Moment for them to me? I guess? I guess. I’m rambling!!

Biggest surprise 

 That I continued the mcgenji motorcycle AU, honestly. I love it to pieces and it’s fun but god do I think it’s such a chore writing the build up leading to the parts I WANT to write in the first place!!!!!

Most unintentionally telling story 

  gift for gift started out as a very Gabriel Reyes-centric story but somehow I got passionate about Widowmaker and so it’s also very much about her as well and how she functions within her lack of autonomy. I wanted to explore Gabriel’s motivations/drive to push forward without mentioning just what, exactly, he was going for, which was surprisingly very easy.

Story I’d like to revise

Intersect, not so much revising it but revisiting some of the themes and concepts, especially about McCree. I’ve talked enough about this fic. Anyway.

Story I didn’t write but will at some point, I swear 

 Well. It’s more of a WIP at this stage but I want to write my epic 100k, 50 chaptered Guardian/Fallen romance fic for Destiny but we’ll see how that goes? Mostly I’m waiting on Bungie because I’m so dry on Bungie lore and I have no idea what the House of Dusk is up to and that’s kinda important to my story—which is, not really at all, but I would LIKE to make sure.

Anyway, that’s a wrap for my 2017 fics. Thanks for reading and all the encouragement! I hope to write more entertaining stories for 2018!! :’)

[kitsproject2]

EvaluationProject two was all about identity whether that be your identity or exposing other peoples identities at different lengths. the assignment Brief stated that we had to “It’s not the destination, but the journey” “The ‘process’ is the journey by which you end up at your final outcome. This is an essential part of any creative discipline and enables ideas to be developed and refined. This ‘evolution’ should hopefully produce a more successful outcome.”  i Felt that my main piece has related to the brief in someway i did follow what the brief stated, i did generate my ideas and research quite bit what i was going to do and how i did it. The creative process i followed to look at different forms of identity and decide whether or not my final outcome was going to portray my own identity or others. In the end i deiced to portray my own as i was struggling on ideas or what i would preform best at. Over time a lot of artists have used there own emotions and feelings to build the fundamental  bricks of there projects. To come up with my ideas i would generally just sit there and think while listening to music and jot the odd idea down this is just how my brain generated its ideas the best. I also experimented with different techniques like doubles exposures, slow shutter speeds and long exposures to get to my final outcome. The sources of inspiration i used i guess you could say came from myself and how i really feel about myself and the world that I’ve been born into along with the overindulgence of the society that i live in. other sources of inspiration that i used were photographers like Gillian wearing and Adrian Piper. i took inspiration from Gillian due to the fact that she asked random people to write there current feelings or thoughts onto paper and she would photograph them after i reflected on this and decided i would take some form of inspiration and write on peoples bodys using my feelings and thoughts instead of paper. I also took inspiration from Adrian piper because of her philosophy on basic human nature and society and usage of ostracism which really helped me come up with my final outcome.the planning that i used to come up with my final outcome was pretty much using my primary research and mind map from the beginning of the assignment. The things i had to think about when planning or executing my shoot were the basic fundamentals of lighting, angles and composure. I also had to think about the layout of the wiring on the models body that i used to make sure you could see the majority of the writing which was actually quite hard to achieve, thats also where the stylistic decisions also came into play because i had to really think about the composure and the way the models were set up which i experimented with a lot. I didn’t use any post production techniques as i shot on film because i feel like film links with my identity more than DSLR does. My images that i decided to use are portraying my own identity, i decided to use two separate models because i wanted the images to reflect how i feel that i have two personality's one that i have in front of my friends and loved ones and one that i kind of keep to myself and don’t share with other people. I chose to write my thoughts onto other people because I felt that it kind of linked with identity because I’m reflecting my own identity onto other peoples bodies which is there own personal front or identity that they put on or demonstrate, This is how i would personally say i connected the theme of identity with my final piece and in my opinion i fell that i demonstrated this quite well. I used symbols and words to express my own identity, for example for the first image i wrote Ciggies and Tinnies on Rubys body due to the fact that i numb my feelings and emotions a lot thought the use of alcohol as its and easier option. i wrote ciggies because i smoke a lot because I’m very stressed out and feel like it represents not really caring about life because i smoke cause i fear of growing old. I also outcast on her chest because that's how i feel a lot of the time that I’m out-casted from society and don’t feel as accepted as most people are which has been the case ever since i was young.I stated the word Punk as well because i perceive to my friends a lot of the time that i live a bit of punky life style because I’m not phased or don’t care where in actual fact i do. I wrote rest on her hand because i never get to rest or shut off and spend most of my life awake because I’m constantly thinking of the past and present or problems that have absolutely nothing to do with me which have quite and affect on me. I painted a mask black and put it on her face to represent how i mask my feelings to everyone and how i feel. I also drew a question mark on the mask because i want to question identity because what really is identity, does anyone actually really have one or are they just trying to fit into some stereotype that there actually not. I also wrote a comfort in being sad which was a line taken from Nirvana- frances farmer will have her revenge on seattle, which meant quite a lot to me when i first heard it because it spoke wonders to me as i couldn’t agree more as a lot of people can’t seam to get out of the mind set of being sad because maybe they don’t actually won’t to because what do you have to worry about when being happy?? is a stress free life really good for the human brain. I also chose to add the antichrist symbol into the image because I’m a strong believer against religion as i think it is on of the biggest downfalls of humanity and was only set in place to control society before we had a proper democracy set in place, being a anti Christ also offers free will which is the devils temptation which i would rather chose then having my life planned out for me. The other image i chose to use was of my close mate Boris  i took many photos of him as i did Ruby to try and find the best one i also had a really cool double exposure of him but you can’t really see the writing and symbols on his body so i decided not to use it. For the image that i chose to use of Boris i started off by writing suffocation of the soul on his chest because that's the sort of affect i feel that my anxiety and other issues have on me as they are constantly suffocating me and stopping me from being the person that i actually am. I also wrote damaged goods on him as I’ve had things damage me in my past and things that still damage me in the present which i think a lot of people suffer from. I also drew the Anarchy sign on his body as I’m a slight anarchist and don’t completely agree with democracy but who really does. also being a part on the sub culture of anarchy means being a social outcast which I’m deffinelty fit into. I understand that in art and photography that profanity is maybe frowned upon or not entirely accepted but i asked Boris to pose like this because its how i feel toward the world and a lot of people that i come across, this may come across a bit self profound but its how i feel. what made me choose what i did was i felt that i could preform the best if i related it on my personal reasons which i kind of struggles with and procrastinated as I’m not a very open person and am quite reserved which i meant i struggled with this assignment and epically the evaluation but if i had chosen anything else it probably wouldn’t have been done to my best ability. I feel that both of my images go together and tell a story about my own identity. I'm quite satisfied with my final piece if anything I’m almost quite shy about it but i like the look of the final outcome i feel that it links quite well with the assignment of identity and that there's a lot of hidden messages in there even to the point of the colour of the image but the true satisfaction is up to the viewer of the image. I think my weakness of this project were the generation of ideas as it doesn’t seem like i had a lot but my mind was pretty set on what i wanted to do from the get go which explains the lack of ideas. My strengths i would say would be the framing and lighting of the images as i didn’t have much to work from as i wasn’t in a proper studio and didn’t have a lot of space and had to make do with what i had. If i was to do it again i wouldn’t have left everything so last minute and would have tried to generate more ideas. But overall I’m quite happy with the final outcomes.

[mysteryshelf]

BLOG TOUR - A Wanted Man

Welcome to

THE PULP AND MYSTERY SHELF!

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  Title: A WANTED MAN Author: Robert Parker Publisher: Endeavour Press Pages: 307 Genre: Crime Thriller

INTERVIEW WITH THE AUTHOR

What initially got you interested in writing?

Time spent at my Grandma and Grandad’s house, in Eccleston, St Helens. The box room at their house, which had a little bunkbed in it, had the most brilliant bookshelves full of books: pulp, crime, adventure, thrillers, classics, encyclopedias, so on. When I was little it seemed that if there was anything in the world that wasn’t written about somewhere on those shelves, then it wasn’t worth knowing. And downstairs, Grandad had the most fantastic VHS collection – again not too vast, but the titles were all thrilling to a story-loving kid like myself. I loved the old adventure films he had, anything from Swiss Family Robinson to The Cat and The Canary through to Superman. James Bond films too. Anything that had a fantastic story, adventure and mystery, and he was there. And I spent hours watching these with him. Then, when I learned to write, I couldn’t believe that I could concoct my own tales. The power was thrilling.

  What genres do you write in?

Presently, that would be crime thrillers. There’s nothing really off the table in terms of genres I’d like to write in though, and respect the differences hugely. However, when I set down to write something, I never really think of genre – I just write the kind of story I’d like to read, and see what comes out the other end. I’m writing something at the minute that is a whole different speed to the Ben Bracken books, and I’ve got no idea what genre it’ll be – but if I had to pick it, from how it’s shaping up, I’d have to say somewhere around the mystery category, although which way it’ll swing, I just don’t know! But for now, crime seems to be my thing, so I’ll stick to that.

  What drew you to writing these specific genres?

Very good question. The freedom it gives me to look at darkness, and bring darkness to normal settings and situations. I love books that examine the quaint overlooked details in life, and then throws something truly horrible into the mix. It’s the fact that anything can happen in these worlds we create, and also that the darkness created is often overcome by the end of the story – there is redemption, and a brightness in crime when it is overcome. And there is an excitement in thrillers that is hard to match.

  How did you break into the field?

  Still trying to, I guess would be the correct way to preface my answer! In short, perseverance. For everyone who told me that my books were rubbish, I turned it into fuel. A longer answer would be that I had 3 double knee surgeries, one after the other, over the course of 18 months. I had plenty of time on my hands, while I was recovering all that time, doing rehab and resting, and my brain was crawling itself inside out with boredom. My business had taken over at this point, and writing hadn’t been as high a priority. I picked up a pen to alleviate the boredom, and within 8 weeks I’d written my first novel. I self-published to kindle, in its haphazard state, and connected with readers almost straight away. It was a heck of a thing. Before long, I’d written a second, and it won a couple of online five star awards things. That’s when readers started to suggest I send it to the literary world to see if I could get them published for real. I approached a lot of agents (possibly 250-300) and had so many varied responses – some ranging from the positive, some to the downright rude. The nasty, rude ones became my favourites, and it just made me want to try harder, get better and show them – fair enough, if you don’t like the work that’s fine, but to go out of your way to be rude and put someone down? I loved it. Rejection became welcomed. And I kept plugging away. Eventually had a brilliant conversation with Linda Langton of Langtons International Agency in New York. She was the first agent to show a real passion for my work, and was utterly lovely to deal with. We clicked immediately, and she was very kind, encouraging and thoughtful in the way she cajoled me through. That was three years ago now, and she has stood by me while I have rewritten my books countless times and found me a publisher. She is a guardian angel, and I owe her so much.

  What do you want readers to take away from reading your works?

I want them to close the book and say ‘wow’. I want them to feel satisfied. I want them to feel like they’ve been really entertained, and I want them to be happy they read it!

  What do you find most rewarding about writing?

When people tell you they enjoyed it. That is just the greatest thing to hear as a writer – to know that you contributed to someone’s enjoyment and happiness (even though you’re making them read about all manner of crime and death!) is the best.

  What do you find most challenging about writing?

Not having enough hours in the day! Knowing that some days the words will overflow like a boiling pan, but other days it’ll be blood from a stone.

  What advice would you give to people wanting to enter the field?

Never dare give up. Never dare think it. Rejection is part of the deal, even when your book is out there. You can’t please everyone, so just write the story you want to write, and never ever quit scrapping until you get where you want to be.

  What type of books do you enjoy reading?

Crime, thriller, mystery, suspense, ghosts, supernatural, adventure, legal, scientific – and anything at all that has a rollicking twist. I want my socks knocking off and the rug pulled.

  Is there anything else besides writing you think people would find interesting about you?

I fight regularly at charity boxing events, training six days a week to do so. I do this to raise money for Cancer Research UK, a disease that affects us all in so many ways. I figured that people suffer so fiercely, I can definitely suffer the hard work of a training camp then a fight. It’s unlocked a part of me I didn’t know was there, and I love it.

  What are the best ways to connect with you, or find out more about your work?

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/RobertRParker45

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/robertparkerauthor

Website: www.robertparkerauthor.com

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7789447.Robert_Parker

  And thank you so much for having me!

    It’s down to fathers and fatherhood.Ben Bracken, ex-soldier, has just got out of Strangeways.

Not by the front door.

With him, he has his ‘insurance policy’ – a bag of evidence that will guarantee his freedom, provided he can keep it safe – and he has money, carefully looked after by a friend, Jack Brooker.

Rejected by the army, disowned by his father, and any hopes of parenthood long since shattered, Ben has no anchors in his life.

No one to keep him steady. 

No one to stop his cause…

The plan: to wreak justice on the man who had put him in prison in the first place. 

Terry ‘The Turn-Up’ Masters, a nasty piece of work, whose crime organisation is based in

London.But before Ben can get started on his mission, another matter is brought to his attention: Jack’s father has been murdered and he will not rest until the killers are found.

Suddenly, Ben finds himself drawn in to helping Jack in his quest for revenge.

In the process, he descends into the fold of

Manchester’s most notorious crime organisation – the Berg – the very people he wants to bring down…This action-packed and fast-paced story will keep you turning the pages.

Manchester is vividly portrayed as Ben races around the city seeking vengeance.

ORDER YOUR COPY:

Amazon

It’s not long before I am there again. Haugh Road, right in the middle. Everything looks the same, right down to the chewing gum on the pavements. There’s the old off- licence, the pub I used to drink in. There’s the phone box I’d call my mates from, out the front of the house I called home for thirty years.

My heart feels a hot stab at seeing it, worse than I expected. Home.

It’s a terraced house that could do with some work. The lawn is a bit longer than Dad used to have it, by quite a bit, actually, and the PVC window frames we had put in on a government grant to promote greener living a few years ago are a bit mucky. The door is still painted red, with a brass knocker.

What are you doing here, Ben? Are you going to invite yourself in for a cuppa? Or stand out here like a stalker?

I hadn’t really thought that far ahead. But somehow, I needed to see it. I needed to see something concrete, to remind me where I came from… Christ, this fucking neediness… I don’t like it.

I feel abandoned by them, for sure, but they had their reasons. They were so proud, and suddenly all that pride was gone.

And now, with my visit this evening? I suppose I just need to know that, even though everything else is chaos, things back here at home remain the same. We wouldn’t even need to talk, just…

In fact, despite the curtains being open, it doesn’t look like they are home.

Wait. I can see in through the front window, despite the dwindling light. Something’s different: On the left-hand side, Grandma’s mirror is missing, the one passed down to Mum when she died. It had a gold frame – well, gold edging on top of tin – and it was Mum’s pride and joy. And the curtains that are open… there are no curtains. Looking closer I can see the tie-back hooks stand visible and empty.

I walk up the path, leaving prints in the long grass, and peer inside, and more and more of my past looms up in front of me the closer I get. But this nostalgia, and the stir of anticipation that has arisen despite my efforts to subdue it, is quickly replaced by something cold, something bitter.

The room is empty.

I can see through to the kitchen along the old carpet that runs right through the downstairs, which in the emptiness now looks more threadbare. There’s nothing.

They’ve gone. My parents have left here.

I stand simply staring into the hollow space, and feel as if I’m gazing into the very emptiness that has been abruptly carved inside of me. My feeling of loneliness is complete.

I have no way to contact them. They are gone, and from the look of things, gone for good. And considering that they never sent me a forwarding address while I was in prison, they clearly don’t want me to know where they are.

All I wanted was to see that they were ok, but as far as I can tell, they didn’t even want me to have that. They have disowned me. I should have guessed from their passive stares in the public gallery at my trial, fixing on any point but their own son’s searching gaze. I can’t help but stand and dwell.

I quickly decide that I’ve had enough. I walk away because there’s nothing for me here anymore, not for the first time. Rawmarsh is no longer my home. I feel I could cry, but I won’t. No chance – those bastards, they won’t get that from me.

I walk down the path to the scuffed, mucky pavement. The gum on the concrete beneath my shoes, some of it is undoubtedly mine. My DNA lies at my feet, inseparable from my town, my past. That DNA is now the only evidence I was ever here. Thirty years of love, life, family – all reduced to a dirty bit of gum on an old pavement.

This will steel me. Toughen me. It has to. Because this would, could, should break a lesser man.

  Robert Parker is a new exciting voice, a married father of two, who lives in a village close to Manchester, UK. He has both a law degree and a degree in film and media production, and has worked in numerous employment positions, ranging from solicitor’s agent (essentially a courtroom gun for hire), to a van driver, to a warehouse order picker, to a commercial video director. He currently writes full time, while also making time to encourage new young readers and authors through readings and workshops at local schools and bookstores. In his spare time he adores pretty much all sport, boxing regularly for charity, loves fiction across all mediums, and his glass is always half full.

His latest book is the crime/thriller, A WANTED MAN.

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    BLOG TOUR – A Wanted Man was originally published on the Wordpress version of The Pulp and Mystery Shelf