#i feel more like myself rn than I have in months | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shittygothbitch · 1 year ago

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californiaquail · 27 days ago

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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before

#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up #sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation #even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been #some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss #but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time #over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either #i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane #i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after #i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at #it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same #silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time #it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen #of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately #this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country #again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want #things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao #i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot #everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me #and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d #anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that #to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm #recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca #also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before #anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun #and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have #i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired #and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that #i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip #whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn #(<- guy who should be in therapy)

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muirmarie · 2 months ago

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#i don't think the fic is bad or anything but it fought me more than any story has this year. mostly bc of how i've been feeling?#and i think i could've made it a lot better if i'd shelved it for like two or three months tbh #until i was in the right mindset to try to say what i was trying to say? which is one of the main reasons why i shouldn't do big bangs tbh.#but! it's done. and that's the important thing lmao. and i did say my priority this year is finishing things not making them good #i do feel like. there's? some pressure? well-meaning and incredibly kind to be clear! but i do.#but i feel like i have. expectations? on me? and i'm not sure this is going to live up to them?#which is. like i think the story turned out fine but i feel like ppl expect more than fine? from me?#which!!! sounds conceited!!! i am aware!!! but i don't mean it in conceited i mean it like. i'm /stressed/ lmao.#like i think i'd be more okay with failing to meet my own expectations if ppl were okay w/ expecting less from me?#this is a mess.#i just wish i could be proud that i got it finished and instead didn't feel like i was going to let ppl down who expected more?#anyway. i've been working on my internal expectations this year. and i think next year has GOTTA be about external expectations lmao.#like it's absolutely no one's fault it's my own bad brain and you're absolutely not responsible for my feelings!! it's just.#anyway. i'm going to focus on being proud of myself for finishing it because it was very very very hard for me to do that #so it's done! and that's exciting!#and that's gotta be the most important thing for me rn lmao #stretching that writing muscle tag

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la-galaxie-langblr · 3 months ago

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what is going on w my brain

#huge tag rant coming but dw about it #basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and #fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages #it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope #“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i #will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50 #i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts #external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far #but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years #sometimes by up to a month #the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays #are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that #where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows #highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and #having fun #and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning #like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime #like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers #i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did #because i liked them #and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me #i'm working on it but yeah #huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence #because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth

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viina-art · 2 months ago

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I was officially diagnosed with autism a few years ago, and since then like every couple years I realize anew that damn it looks like I'm more disabled than I thought. Likely the only reason why I ever thought I was low support needs is because I was lucky enough to be born into a family that already gives me most of the support I do need, and even then I've been depressed (and likely burnt out) for years.

#my parents are well off enough i never even had to get a job #and the only reason why i'm working rn is because my college makes you do a 5 month internship in your 5th semester #and it's been what like 3 months now and already the thought that once i'm done with college #i'll have to work full time for the rest of my life fills me with dread #and there shouldn't be any shame in not being able to work full time and needing more support obviously!#but i still do feel ashamed ESPECIALLY since my parents already do so much for me #like objectively looking at my life i have literally nothing to complain about. and yet #it's gotten very hard to stop myself from feeling like i must just be fundamentally weaker and worse than literally everyone else #i just don't know how other people do it

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hybridkilljoys · 1 year ago

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I've been an absolute emotional wreck since last night due to my narcissist father making me feel less than human so can i..........ask for some reassurance that i'm not an absolute failure of a human being

or pictures of your cats, that would help a lot too

#its been months of dealing with his abuse and last night it left me feeling worse than ever and i am just #really exhausted and mentally broken rn #and i hate asking for reassurance because I always feel like a bother and I should just deal with shit myself until it passes #but when i say last night was bad it was bad and i feel like i am not even meant to be alive that is how that man made me feel #so i just wanna be selfish this one time #and ask for spare kindness because i could really use it right now because my feelings arent going away #no matter how hard im trying to distract myself today and i dont have the strenght to stay like this for a week or more #so yeah #gomen for rambling in the tags im just really #idfk embarrassed and ashamed i dont like asking for help i feel dumb even tho i know its not dumb but yeah #txt

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cosmogyros · 29 days ago

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#i know we on tumblr have already known about the whole thing with ng for months #but this new article that has just come out makes me feel even more vindicated than i did before #regarding my own taste in people #before i ever even knew that ng and ap were a couple or had anything to do with each other at all #i already had the ick about each of them separately #i've disliked ng's vibe since literally college and never got into him even when some close friends adored him #and i listened to a song of two of ap's but just... didn't like the impression of her personality that came through in her music #and for both of these things i couldn't explain it and had no justification #and usually presented it in a sort of self-deprecating apologetic way #if i wasn't completely concealing my feelings and going 'oh yeah they're great!' in order to fit in #but i feel like i'm learning a big lesson about trusting myself lately. i really do have good instincts generally. i should listen to them #(obligatory disclaimer here about how 'everyone is problematic in some way' and you don't have to stop enjoying someone's art etc.)#(but that's another whole convo and let's not get into it now)#(point is: this is just me feeling a sobering sense of 'holy shit' in awe as i look back at my own feelings over the past)#anyway. all this said. i do feel really bad rn for people who always loved his work #this must be so much harder for them than it is for the rest of us. i'm sending them strength and love </3

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skrunksthatwunk · 8 months ago

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eughhh i feel dumb

#one of my best friends is coming over and ive been ghosting them (like pretty much everyone) for a couple months #and i think im reading into it too much but it seems like shes upset with me? idkk but i don't wanna ask bc if she IS mad at me that means #we have to talk about it and im Not in the right state for that atm #she has every right to be upset just like everyone else but i really dont want her to be #both bc i love her and them and i don't want to hurt them and bc i honestly don't wanna have to answer for it #'yeah every time smth even remotely resembling obligation comes up my skin feels like it's gonna peel away from its body and scuttle away'#like. i should not be terrified of it but it's like my tendons are splitting and i can't close my fist around anything #it all just slips through my fingers. but i still feel like it's my fault #selfishly i just wish they wouldn't ever bring it up. me taking forever to respond and stuff #i don't really like being teased about it but i can't just hurt them and then ask them not to bring it up yk #even if i don't super feel in control of the whole responding and socializing and functioning thing #i am. really really burnt out i think #but i don't wanna make my friends feel guilty for wanting to be around me bc 1) thats normal 2) thats an honor 3) theyre not doing anything #wrong by like. texting me. it's not their fault it feels so bad #especially since im not telling them bc that is itself an obligation #every reminder of something i have to do has felt physically painful more and more #everything from doing dishes to answering texts to cleaning my room to reading a book my dad likes #every day there's a dozen reminders of how im letting the people i love down and it looks to them like i just don't care enough #and in reality my friends are and have always been understanding. i know that. im just getting really in my head about it rn #it's been building a lot this past year. i thought i was getting better but im just.. really stuck rn #ughh i wish i could cancel. and i hate that bc i miss her and i know she's gotta miss me too but we have to talk about the foster turtle #so i cant back out now. aughhhh it's so dumb i feel so helpless and useless every time i think about anything but what's right in front of #me. ive been running from everything much more consciously lately and it's fucking embarrassing and stupid and basically im just feeling.#really really lame. shitty ass body and shitty ass brain and i don't think anyone really believes me when i blame them and not me #i just have to trust in the goodness of my friends more than the badness of myself for hurting them. two titans clashing #ughh anyway. whatever #i wanna talk to one person in particular bc they don't really make me feel that obligation as much but then im like if i respond to them i #have to respond to everyone else. it's dumb. ugh if you read this acm im thinking of you sorry my brain is being difficult <3

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lemongogo · 2 years ago

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#i want 2 draw trigun so bad rn but i feel SIICK-__- auugh woe is me #tbh i also have this urge like .every other day 2 make a secret side acc no 1 knows ab to publish all the art imlike kind of unhappy w #as a way of getting myself acquainted w it being Seen and not bejng so obsessed w perfectionism #patrick cough 4 10 hrs vid #but idk thats2 much work i think. snnzzz snzz #i do want 2 get faster w art tho.. and like…idk i like when ppl break anatomy #like it always looks so cool from the outside but anytime i do it i feel like its less a decision and more like.no just looks awkHELPP #pummeling my brain i think. need 2 shut up and just draw #elendira #trigun #trigun maximum #making my list rn like hmm.. want 2 get faster at art n share more #want toooooo .. get better w anatomy so i can bend the rules and make it look super cool epic awesome intentional #want tooooo….urmmmmm.< passingout and dying #i think the most is tht i want to draw and share more than like 3 drawinfs a month HELPPP #doesnt help that inwork full time though idk how ppl can do both at the same time its so Demanding .. energy gonee

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nobodybetterlookatme · 3 months ago

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Wait I think I missed something in this incredible saga. Are you going on a date with the coworker??? I swear the last thing I saw was “no I would never” lmaoooo. If so, I (like the rest of snzblr) are anxious for updates about your love life. You’re one of the top snzblr couples now, enjoy 🤙

I did say I would never and I was a fucking liar apparently 😔 it's not technically a date tho bc I never told him it was bc I need to be so casual and mysterious ahdkaksk but it's a date To Me lmao. It's tomorrow tho bc we're still at work rn and it doesn't look like we're leaving anytime soon so at least I have that to look forward to I guess lmao

#not snz #we're not a couple tho nooooo 😭😭 lmaooo #it's just me being delusional #like he's literally not into me i stg i think y'all are gonna be more disappointed about the outcome than me #OH but he did hug me tho so I'm riding that high rn actually ahskamsk #lowkey have just been leaning against him half the shift but we've been watching videos and stuff together bc it's been slow so #that means nothing probably #also he looks at me like 😒 every time i ask one if my stupid little debate questions ahsakslsl #today was if ceral is a soup and if ketchup is a smoothie #please know that i ask these randomly literally out of nowhere like it's a normal thing to bring up lmaoooo #i have negative flirting skills ahdkaksk #this is the opposite of pulling a bad bitch by being autistic this is making the coworker question why he puts up with me lmaoooo #but he's the one who said yes to dinner so 😌#you know what he's never seen me in a cute little outfit before actually 👀#it's always been either the work uniform or hiking clothes #which to be fair my hiking clothes are kinda cute but they're hiking clothes nonetheless #like he saw me in normal clothes a bit ago but i was actively dying so they were just the most comfortable clothes i could find #so like maybe i can wear a skirt i have cute skirts i like wearing out with my bestie #and they're like. very specific kinds of skirts so maybe that'll tell him something ahskasmks #help why am i thinking so hard about this ahdkalslal #like it's literally actually not even a date it's just me flipping out for no reason while this guy is clueless 😭#like I'm telling y'all he's not into me and i don't understand why I'm being like this about it lmaoo #I'm always like 'fuck i wish my coworkers wouldn't crush on me to the point of asking me out that's awkward i don't date coworkers'#AND THEN I TURNED AROUND AND DID IT MYSELF #why am i like this #why am i so 👀 when he's one of the few people i shouldn't be 👀 at #i swear i should give it a couple months bc maybe I'm just feeling some type of way about him bc i was sick #but noooo i just HAVE to be insane about it now 😭#i should really have a tag for me being a pathetic wreck but idk what it would even be lmao #partner posting

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bunnyboy-juice · 4 months ago

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;~; (tags vent)

#i feel so lonely and i dont know how to fix it #im trying to engage with people. im trying ot take space. im trying but nothing is helping #and like im hormonal so i wanna cry about it today #and like this loneliness isnt for one reason only #there's no One Thing #but so so many things making me feel like i cant connect #and even wiht making progress and even with coping and even with reminidng myself its okay to just feel bad sometimes like #i want company. i dont want online company i want irl company. i want friends. and im so miserable about the fact that i struggle to #make irl friends - not bc im not a good friend!! honestly tehre's been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends is the worst part #between work; disabilities; energy; and like interests/things to talk about its really hard to make friends (and tbh the first three-#really are the biggest drains). and i love my online friends i do i jsut. miss them all so much when i talk too much and then it hurts more #and i lost a friend group recently so im feelng really out of place #nearly everyday for the last idk. 5 months i had a group of people going “hey. love you” (even if they didnt say it verbatim daily) and lik #im so sad! and the feelings are coming out today ig cause i havenothing to do at work so im just. here #but yeah - ik part of this grief im experiencing is YET AGAIN experiencing change and loss re:friendships bc of things largely out of my #control /: and every time this happens it just brings up every single wound #im talking with my therapist about it too i just. wish friends were more permanent in my life yk?#or at least that i had friends irl still /: but all my deepest connections are all So far away #and it hurts so much to miss ppl rn im just. isolating myself #but i dont awnt to TALK. i dont want to TEXT. i dont want to hang out on a vc. i awnt to be held and loved and just talked to about anythin #other than the stresses in peoples lives. i want people to infodump to me w/o me having to Beg or Engage Correctly #i want people to tell me about themselves. jsut fucking lore dump in my inbox. its not dumping. i dont care about trauma dumping. if you do #cw i guess i jsut. im so tired. im tired of the “haiiiiii love you!!!!!” i have to do over the keyboard to have social connections #im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (“ur a flake” “u cancel plans #“u never want to go out” “u never have energy” “why do you disappear when you need to recharge it makes me feel bad?” etc etc etc) all #relate to me being disabled and like.i feel like the problem. my existence is a problem. and the worst part is all iwant to do is just.#go run errands with someone. do important tasks &get a little treat to celebrate after. go to the doctor. the hospital. wherever im allowed #i want ot be a PERSON #): i jsut miss my friends #and liek im going to a thing later this month to try and make friends irl even if its just exercise friends

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hundredowls · 1 year ago

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silly oc doodle..... ballroom yuri

#ocs #ok so im gonna ramble/complain in the tags for a bit bc i love to complain its mostly not even gonna be relevant to the ocs but anyway ok #yknow that diagram abt art skills thats like ability to see/ability to draw #im at the BAD PART OF IT RN #i wanna draw fanart so bad but then i get annoyed bc the fanart doesnt look as good as the source material GHRG which is a totally #unreasonable thing to think bc source material is drawn by Professionals but you know how it is. Art Hard etc etc complain etc etc #need to do more studies etc etc #i wanna be able to draw really good so i can draw the things i love!!!!! even if its hard and tedious i wanna practise!!!! i love art!!!!!!#dont think about whats easy think about whats fun - bokuto koutarou etc #anyway everyday i am sad i have to sit in front of a desk for 8 hours instead of practising drawing :( i wanna table at a con this year....#but is there even time.....#ANYWAY this is somewhat relevant bc in an effort to be less hard on myself mayhaps i will try draw more oc things so i dont feel pressure #(self imposed)#to make it perfect kjskjkd #or at least not as much #and hopefully get over my brain's tendency to Compare Everything #i have like 3 vague sets of ocs (one less vague than the others ive posted one of the characters from that on my main art blog before sjdks #these two are from the next less vague set there is a plot premise and some side characters too. shdks #i thought abt them a couple months ago but then i watched strictly ballroom w sophie n i was reminded of them again #anyway im not good at coming up w fully fleshed out stories i just like to doodle ppl n think of random connected scenarios sometimes sdjk #i did a mini free online life drawing course in the break n i tried to apply what i learnt here.... i will keep practising when i can.....#well. if u read all the way to the end. hello :) KJASKA #im going to shower....

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kimtaegis · 2 years ago

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hate to say it but july kinda sucked

#please let me whine and list all the things that have troubled me this month #first off having to get serious about my master thesis and everything taking so much longer than I want it to (the anxiety. wow)#and mentally preparing to tackle two jobs AND finishing the thesis all at once soon (how......am I gonna do that)#well then ofc my car breaking down and having to spend my last savings on a new one #generally having to spend a shit load of money. all my money. gone within 2 months #wanting to have a big birthday party so badly only for it to get so stressful and Too Much for my introverted perfectionist ass #that I was the first and only one to feel (physically and mentally) sick about four hours in and had to leave my guests on their own #the usual old struggles flaring up again (as in too high expectations towards everything and everyone and myself that leave me disappointed #and on a more irrelevant note lmao: being one of the few people who doesn’t seem to have enjoyed barbenheimer that much?#same for jk’s solo and everything around it it's just not really for me #and thus feeling a little distanced from the fandom and from creating lately...I'll try again this weekend though I'll try #and last but not least my skin is being SO bad again rn that I just want to rip it off my whole body!!!!!!!#yeah! not at all how I wanted july to go! anyways august in a few days let’s move on and hope for the best #SORRY for being negative on here again. there were also nice things. like awi and al and all my other friends.#and birthday gifts and messages. <33

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kakusu-shipping · 1 year ago

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btw not to be annoying but I'm in a huge drawing rut right now and almost everything I've made the past few weeks feels like garbo to me so if anyone has any X Reader requests from medias on my F/O list you want done, now would be a great time to send them in

#proship please interact #Proselfship #Proship selfship #I have a few I've been drafting and deleting and redrafting for a bit now #I'm back and forth on motivation but I think I'm done drawing for the season #We'll get back to it in the new year for the next two months let's just write #I get a lot more confidence from requests that gain reblogs than just writing for me myself and I #Don't get me wrong I love writing for me myself and I it's the cornerstone of this blog #Make what you want to see in fandom and do whatever you want forever kind of thinking #But oh my god when someone else thinks my writing for a specific character is good and wants to read more and reblogs it with tags and stuf #Literally nothing fixes me faster #Sorry to pull like two selfishes in a row in the main tags #I feel like I'm on a lot of shit lists for asking people to move the 'stolen from an anti' into the tags #I don't apologize for that but I saw some posts fdkgjkdf plus I kicked people from my server for low reason recently #I DO apologize for that a little bit #ANYWAY these tags are weird sorry #I'm gonna try to write some things that's been in my ask box for a year now and see where that goes #Sorry for the selfish in the main tags I'm really off my game rn

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

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#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data #which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done #for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior #so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip.#also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a #collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things.#and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more #devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close #bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the #country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will #instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a #different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad #a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi #intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see #them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize #the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b #doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped #that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying #less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating #unrelated

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heybaetae · 1 year ago

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#i've been in a manic state for over a month #haven't slept in my own bed for 30 days #was barely eating/sleeping the first half and now i'm eating/sleeping too much #i was even off twitter for two weeks which is so hilariously unlike me #said i was taking a gif hiatus because my brain was so unhealthy #then turned around and started making/posting MASS amounts of gifsets (published and drafted) for very little payoff #like. More often than i usually do to the point where i feel like it's overwhelming or annoying or looks desperate but hey maybe i am #for the serotonin #except nobody reblogs shit which. Well you know how that goes #it is what it is but it's also making me feel so so so low #but i can't stop either because it's the only thing keeping my brain off of everything #i also recorded that voiceover video of my gif process but i don't think i'm gonna post it because i hate my voice and my overall Being rn #and publishing something like that would be inviting literally anyone to have a negative thought or opinion of my voice or my personality #which is a big No Thank You atm #even tho i have nice followers i also have total dickwads waiting to jump me lately for the stupidest shit lol #so the timing is just bad bc everything else is bad my mental health is bad my self esteem is bad #my gifs and the engagement on them is pretty bad without me reblogging them 50 times myself but we ball #it's all just!!!! it all feels Bad i just want to feel sane lol

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