#i feel manic but also horrible at the same time

[eddie-3xists]

i desperately need a shoulder to cry on but he has single handedly removed my ability to have a support system that isnt my family. i am entirely alone because of him. i used to live for everyone else around me, but now when i have nobody to live for it takes away the need to live. i have genuinely never wanted to kill myself more than i do now and it is all his fault. i have no friends and no real support system. i have nobody and nothing to live for except for myself and i do not like myself. i have no purpose and no drive to do anything anymore. i feel so empty. i feel entirely hollowed out.

[elizakai]

I like thinking about their more canon adjacent dynamic (character wise)

MINI ANALYSIS TIME

Because while I love the soft interpretations, even WITH those let’s be real; that’s not how they’d act off the bat

Horror would be extremely judgmental (fair) and hate Dust for what he did. He’d despise him and probably be very passive aggressive. Making jabs and making his disdain apparent when they have to interact. I think getting a read on Dust is also difficult and would piss Horror off. Horror is unpredictable and has a sadistic streak, if he was mad or manic and had Dust in a corner he’d have no qualms about manhandling the guy. (And Dust probably wouldn’t do much to stop him.)

Meanwhile, Dusttale’s creator was asked once how Dust may feel if he met Horror, to which they said he feels bad for Horror. He likes him, sees him as someone who went through something horribly undeserved. In my mind Dust is somewhat protective of Horror.

I interpret these clashing of dynamics as Horror’s just utter disdain for this guy, and Dust’s resigned acceptance of Horror’s judgment. He’d agree with him if he were to judge himself, but I think a part of him wants Horror’s approval. He doesn’t EVER expect to get it, but Horror is….

While he’s seen hell, he’s almost a less tormented version of Dust himself. Deep down they are the same. Horror has suffered greatly, but even still hasn’t hit the deep end dust has, and I think he’d want to protect that sort of innocence he’s granted. One could think of it as him protecting a piece of himself he himself has already sacrificed. And wanting APPROVAL from him, wishing to be forgiven, craving that small piece of validation or understanding as he tries to reconcile with himself.

Horror’s formed opinion makes sense, he agrees with it, and simply wishes he disagreed, that he could have proof of himself being a FRACTION worthy of forgiveness or understanding.

The judge in both of them has both formed an opinion of the other, and they happen to differ greatly. Horror sees Dust as an abuser and Dust sees Horror as a victim.

I like to imagine that, while reluctantly thrown into the same general vicinity, Horror would grow to be more understanding (again if we are going with a PROGRESSIVE plot line) and come to understand that, yes, he wasn’t WRONG, but there is nuance to the situation. They both have a very grim understanding of what it’s like to be trapped. I think he has the capacity to understand Dust better if he was given time. His hands aren’t clean after all, and he knows what it’s like to be forced into a situation and to feel backed into a drastic decision. He knows what it’s like to lose your autonomy and to feel your mind break itself under pressure.

I think the simple fact that Dust wouldn’t TRY to change his mind or justify himself would be part of why Horror could come to understand him. He’s devestated by his actions, he is by no means a sadist.

Horror coming to understand Dust and sort of reconcile/forgive him I think would be rather BIG for Horror, especially if you factor in other situations he now has to consider. (For example, his Undyne and her drastic attempt at freeing the undergroud…) reconciling his OWN arguably cruel decisions he has made with pure intentions, when he feels there’s no other choice (like his Papyrus and tricking him into doing something so outside of his beliefs, to protect him)

It would also be healing for Dust to get that reconciliation with Horror because again…Horror’s opinion actually may MATTER.

And in the same way that Dust may see Horror as a sort of person to be protected from further harm, Horror would probably pick up on all of the VERY bad habits Dust has that (in my observation at least) are EXTREMELY similar to his own habits/past habits (isolation, obsession, deprivation, paranoia, bringing harm to self etc) and I could see him being sensitive towards those and trying to prevent it worsening (it’s a sore subject💔) Horror is shown to prioritize taking care of those he cares about, even when he’s a bit mad, and he has the capacity to grow an understanding for someone he doesn’t like initially :))

I think they have potential to be VERY good for one another, Horror (while being fucked up) encourages (and maybe forces) better habits and actually has an opinion that matters to Dust, and Dust is inclined to be VERY loyal (Horror needs someone to show him loyalty.) to anyone who cares to give him the time of day, as it’s far beyond what he’d expect, and he’s got the sympathy/protective streak towards Horror as an actual in character detail.

And from there it would be wonderful to explore their dynamic in whatever way you like to interpret it🤫💥

I could go on but I’ll stop here, if you read this all CONGRATS!!!

Share your thoughts I love it

[lampyoil]

Your mlp infection au animatic looked so neat...found it while surching that tag and that music is so pretty and I'm still trying to figure out the implications lmao...are you planning on expanding upon this or no? Part of me hopes you do because I totally wanna see more story...and I got so many questions. Was cadence patient zero or the creator of the virus. I am so curious how this happened and what drove the begining of this virus...also poor Shining and flurry...wonder how their story will go.

I’m definitely planning to expand much more!! I’ve been sick lately so I’ve mostly just gotten writing done, but I’ll explain some lore here! (Also also, I’m planning to mostly update on TikTok so if you wanna see it sooner it’s most likely there!)

This is mainly just explaining how the infection/mist came to be!!

Being the Crystal Empire, it’s very common for newer crystals or gems to grow either in or around the area. Usually they spread positive emotions, which can be especially effective to crystal ponies! However, a new kind of crystal had been growing from the outer side of the empire and was able to spread into the surrounding town. It was somewhat small and very beautiful, having colors more similar to sunsets (very uncommon for the empire, as it’s usually very pale or blue colors) and was collected to make jewelry. The jewelry was sold very quickly due to the uniqueness of the color, and soon just about every crystal pony citizen had one. But the crystals were not only different from the rest in color, but spread active negativity. Like said before, crystal ponies are extremely sensitive to the power of a crystals properties, and with so much negativity throughout the empire, many become not only angry, but violent.

The only ponies to have not gotten the jewelry were the royal family and Sunburst. Cadance didn’t want her subjects to be in such a horrible state, especially not with so many fights breaking out. She tried to spread her love the best she could, but being unaware of the negativity the crystals provided and the fact that her empire had so many ponies, she was unable to cast a spell big enough on her own. She and Sunburst both tried and looked everywhere for a stronger spell, until finally finding one. Cadance stood at her castle balcony, and preformed a spell that could spread the feeling of whatever emotion the spellcaster was feeling across large areas, enough to cover the entire kingdom! But something went wrong.

Even for a powerful alicorn like herself, the spell was too much, too strong. Her horn felt like it would break apart, but at the same time it kept her in place. The mix of trying desperately to show love and being terrified mutated her emotions and spread what was more of manic obsessiveness rather than pure love. Not only did it spread to her citizens, but being the caster and therefore closest, it infected her right to her core practically the second she tried to cast the spell. She couldn’t move until the spell was over, and even then she was just.. staring down at her subjects and they yelled and cried for her “love”.

Shining armor, Flurry heart and Sunburst were still inside of Sunbursts home when Cadance casted her spell, as she said she needed to fix things herself. They were all safe due to crystal homes being very thick and solid, and the mist wasn’t able to slip through. However, the constant yelling from outside is distressing.

Cadance didn’t mean for this to happen.

Annyyway.. that’s basically the origin!! I might brush it up a bit, but I also have a lot of other things planned for this au (Flurry and Shining especially)!! It’s all going to be more connected with the art rather than me talking though ^_^

Also sorry if this is poorly worded, very tired and sick and such

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

Theory: Joker and Beast killed Doll's parents and Doll was born into a noble family

Okay yeah this was a weird thing to start with but I'll explain! Starters I mentioned this in a PM to @midnight-in-town about this theory but decided to finally write about it, this is a theory/headcanon I personally have you are free to not enjoy it or believe it cause this is my mind

So in Book of Circus episode 5-6 (I forget the actual number) when Sebastian seduces Beast is where this started. In the scene building up the two going back to Beast's tent when Sebastian said along the lines, "Why must you be with a man who only brings you pain?" and instantly it flashes to this scene which I took screenshots for this research;

This stuck with me.

Now I personally believe the additional scenes/scene changes, big or small, mean something from Yana to us. Like the added scenes of Doll and Ciel like Doll's conversation with Ciel once they got their tent for example. So in other words I don't feel like this was shown just for randoms.

Yet why do I think this scene is meant to be Joker killing Doll's parents? Cause he clearly loves her!

In the side story in the manga he tells the story of Doll's first loose tooth and how he was the one who suggested to look for work and then proceed to work for hours straight for one coin so Doll could believe the Tooth Fairy came.

He named Doll "Doll" cause to him he's precious

He clearly trusted Ciel enough to share a tent with her despite not knowing, same as Doll clearly trust him so much

Conclusion: Joker loves Doll. Probably much more than the rest of the circus group.

So this is the set up I have made up: Joker tracked down and killed Doll's biological family since compared to the others Doll went through worst. While everyone who was abandoned or wound up there was born with some sort of deformation or ailment, Doll was abused and horribly disfigured by her own family and then abandoned and she the youngest of the group so of course if they care for her they would probably kill them if they knew who they were... This could add some blackmail on Baron Kelvin on Joker. Cause Beast was right, they can easily run and if there were kids in the Workhouse they could just get them, not like Victorian orphanages had security, but Joker was very much firm to stay by Baron Kelvin most and even said "there's no turning back", maybe Baron Kelvin caught wind of the murder and promised to never tell a soul if he behaved.

Now the only evidence of this theory being the time period of the early circus years is the cloting

Joker's outfit reminds me of Joker's outfit in the official art-

But it also helps me pinpoint it takes place when Baron Kelvin went crazy-

See the ruffle collar?

The only difference is the hair, but I can argue this was still taken in early circus years.

Not to mention he looks rather... content/happy in this scene. I would assume his eyes would be wide or manic cause panic of being caught, not a soft look and a hint of a smile.

This theory alone was enough for me.

It was simple, it was easy.

Case close.

But then I looked at the background more to see why it feels... iffy...

This is when the second theory came in: Doll's backstory into weath.

First evidence, the painting:

I actually wanted to figure out if I can find the painting's possible inspiration or look alike but it's so blurry I can't even figure out what it is.

But anyways-

I did some research to see if owning a painting was a sigh of wealth then and turns out I may be right!

Okay so I can't trust the results but still-

So paintings are a lot of money, which still is a thing today, but there was art thieves in the Victorian Era so one can argue the ones in this home stole art. But I highly doubt someone was so stupid to hang their stolen piece of art up for the world to see.

Now onto the fireplace evidence-

It's rather large with even some engraving details if you enhance the image.

Okay, so in this time period there was pretty much fireplaces in every home, BUT the only those in the middle class and upper class had ones in a larger scale with some form of ornament or art on it!

Source

This became my official name in my coffin. This was the final say of this house is wealthy or middle class at best.

So then... what would this mean?

Well, I mentioned this theory with @freckledfenrir and a bit with @deadlystarchart in our PM chats before and in those logs I've mentioned (I tried to go through so if either of you lovelies can screenshot where I said this so I can add it later it'll be helpful!) a possible picture;

You see back then there were more cases of missing kids/kids who were seen and never mentioned again then we assume. Ciel and Sebastian only got wind of the circus kidnapping shit because someone noticed a pattern and Queen Victoria was sad. Hell even Scotland Yard had problems in this case too! Back then families can easily abandoned, kill, or simply hide away a child and no one could bat an eye. Especially when money is involved. (You thought the rich vs the legal system was corrupt now?) So in theory Doll was probably born with either a upper class or middle class family, but someone with lots of money. She was abused, this is sadly still canon, but sometime after burning her, her family abandoned her in the East End.

You know a crazy fact I wasn't going to know if not for this theory? Rich people actually lived in the East End!

So that means it would make it easy for the family to abandoned a poor wounded little child without suspicious people around. But to also add a tragic/fucked up layer they stayed in the area to constantly eye and maybe even mock the poor living conditions of their child.

This also gives Joker a easy access to see someone who either reminds him of Doll or maybe even see Doll react to a couple walking down the street, follow them home, remember that home, and when the night is perfectly still he alongside the rest of the circus troop, or just Beast, he broke in to make sure those people will feel the pain his precious sister felt and will never forget...

[strawberryflavoredvenum]

Creepypasta mental health hcs

Like always, I am completely disregarding the cannon(and my earlier hcs) ^⁠_⁠^

Also tw: mental illness (duh), self harm, psychosis, depersonalization. Idk tw everything.

Also I hope everyone knows that none of these disorders create these kinds of people. This is all fiction and 99% of people with these disorders don't even get close to this. Ik it sounds obvious but I still want to remind you. I have ptsd, asd, and persistent depression. I also have friends with some of these and they are all amazing people. I mean this for personality disorders/disorders with stigma like npd or bpd as well.

Toby

❤️ schizophrenia

He has an even mix negative and positive symptoms. He doesn't experience them all at the same time. The negative symptoms are more common throughout the day, but the positive ones are more severe. (negative or positive does not mean good or bad. They are terms used to describe whether or not a symptom adds or takes away something to someone's behavior/functioning. A positive symptom can be hallucinations, while a negative symptom may me impaired attention)

His negative symptoms include not taking care of himself, self isolation, alogia (made worse when people bullied him for his speech patterns/tourettes), and anhedonia.

Positive symptoms include scrambled speech (word salad), delusions of persecution, auditory and visual hallucinations. Auditory:voices, name calling, other proxies voices, crying and screaming. Visual: bugs, shadow people, Lyra, hands, visual distortion. He also feels paranoid and nihilistic thinking.

During episodes he is known to hide, lash out, extreme emotional outbursts of fear, paranoia, anger or sadness. He also displays agitation, poor hygiene, and a lack of social awareness.

❤️Pica

Idk but I've always head cannoned him to have this. He is kinda sneaky about it so other proxies watch him closely around objects he's been known to try. Things like paper, paint chips, parchment, or anything with a ceramic/clay pottery/glass like consistency.

❤️tourettes

It's not as severe in my hc as it is in cannon. Still noticeable though. If he could feel it, his neck would be in so much pain.

❤️cipa

This is self explanatory. He has to check himself over with a mirror so he doesn't accidentally leave an injury untended. He finds random bruises he didn't know about all the time. He has to take great care to make sure he doesn't forget about injuries, letting them get infected. He has many scars. Also a couple chunks bitten out of his cheek and tongue.

❤️ He needs more help than the other proxies but has learned to live with his disorders and hold a routine. Toby is willing accept help, but only from certain people that he trusts and cares for. He tries his best every day to be better than the next.

Nina

❤️ manic depression

She has horrible episodes of depression, with intense mood swings. She was originally diagnosed with bipolar. She'll either be in bed all day, flirting/obsessing over Jeff(who is not reciprocating) or getting into arguments and impulsively spending her money. She also struggles with self harm. She hides it behind sleeves or heavy bracelets. Jane worries and checks on her often to make sure she's okay. Bringing her food and trying to get her to take a walk when Nina is depressed. When Nina is manic, Jane tries to ground her and keep her on a routine. She feels very guilty afterwards. Her friends understand. They all have issues.

❤️ hypersexuality

She doesn't have a lot of sex but she has intense intrusive thoughts about it. Especially involving jeff. She doesn't like to open up about it because of the stigma. She doesn't want people to see her as a slut or something. Most of them would never think that of her or anyone with hypersexuality. They wouldn't care if she was a whore to begin with.

❤️ Erotomania

She is convinced that Jeff and her are meant to be. She finds random signs that Jeff is reciprocating in things that don't exist. Jeff doesn't like her very much. Other proxies feel uncomfortable about it and try to keep them separate. (Nina would never cross the line into predatory behavior. None of the proxies are like that.) It's gotten much better but she falls back into old thought patterns during episodes. Nina has learned to respect boundaries and respect Jeff's.

❤️ drug abuse

She's been known to abuse party drugs. They are hard to get as a proxy(and also banned in the house) so it's much less severe than before.

❤️ histrionic personality disorder

She feels much more intensely in every way. She believes that her friendships are closer than they are, her emotions have no middle ground, and she has strong opinions on everything. She has some attention seeking tendencies and feels bad when she doesn't receive the desired response. She isn't a liar but often exaggerates when she tells stories.

❤️Nina is pretty receptive to help as long as she isn't in an episode. Sometimes she feels hopeless and gives up but not for long. She watches a lot of online therapy videos since they can't get a therapist.

Jeff

❤️ Antisocial personality disorder

He struggles to have much care for other people or their feelings. He's incredibly impulsive and thrill seeking. This has made him both the best and worst proxy in the mansion. He doesn't see the moral issue with lying. Luckily he's pretty bad at it and can never keep his story straight. His mood throughout the day is either agitated or bored. Becoming a proxy has made his antisocial behavior worse because he is able to justify it in his mind. If you asked him, he would say that he doesn't love anyone. Though he doesn't care for anyone, he likes being around Liu. His brother is one of the only people he chooses to talk to outside of joking or missions.

❤️ trichotillomania

Skin picking was always something he did but it got much worse after the fire. He tends to pick at the area between burned, and normal skin. He does the same with his scars. Putting bandages on his arms can help prevent picking. He tries not to look in mirrors often. Not because he hates how he looks, but it makes him want to pick more.

❤️psychosis

It's how he became "Jeff the killer" in the first place. In the early stages, he becomes more paranoid, disorganized, and stops taking care of himself. During the episode, he becomes mistrustful, agitated, comes to random conclusions/assumptions, doesn't sleep for days, and becomes more hostile. The full episode can last from a week to a month.

❤️ insomnia

He stays up until he drops. He doesn't try to help his insomnia until someone else intervenes. It majorly exacerbates his other problems.

❤️ He's generally not open to change. he could have gotten better if his parents had caught/cared it sooner. Liu isn't going to give up on him though. He doesn't care how much Jeff complains or lashes out. Liu and Slenderman are the only ones able to get Jeff to cooperate or calm down.

Liu

❤️ptsd

He isn't upset at his brother. But he still survived a horrific ordeal because of him. Sometimes when helping Jeff through an episode, he'll accidentally trigger Liu. Liu is determined to help Jeff, even if his PTSD makes it hard. He has bad nightmares about waking up to see Jeff. He tries to isolate when it gets bad. Jeff doesn't notice when Liu is struggling but when he finds out, he tries to help in his own way. Usually giving him space since he knows Liu's PTSD is mostly from him. Liu feels guilty about it.

❤️ codependence

Liu doesn't feel that he has anything left after everything that's happened. Even if Jeff was the one to kill their parents, and almost him, he is all Liu has left. He doesn't like living here but he'll go anywhere his brother goes. He feels responsible. Jeff would never admit this but Liu knows Jeff still needs him.

❤️major depressive disorder

He's had it since he was a kid. He feels empty and his motivation to do anything goes down the drain. His appetite is one of the first things to go. Not because he isn't hungry, but he doesn't feel like leaving his room. He'll sit at his desk staring at the work he needs to do or lay in bed.

Helen

❤️ autism spectrum disorder

He's always felt different. Never really known how to interact with others. He mostly keeps to himself. You don't need to learn to talk to people if you never talk to them. He has a system for everything that makes it easier for him. He keeps most things about himself private because he can be sensitive. Before he became a proxy, he tried to mask but he doesn't care anymore.

❤️Social phobia

All the bullying wrecked his self esteem. He feels that everyone is judging him. The other proxies don't see him much. He would rather sit in his room doing art. He even got a mini fridge so he wouldn't have to leave as much. He has heart palpitations and feels nauseous when he has to interact with the more abrasive proxies(Jeff).

❤️ generalized anxiety

Even before the bullying, he's always been an anxious person. He fidgets and double checks everything around him to make sure nothing will go wrong.

❤️ paranoid personality disorder

He generally does not trust others. It's not completely inaccurate half the time. He feels that others are out to get him. Relationships are really hard because he doesn't believe anyone actually likes him.

❤️ He's neutral about recovery but he needs to let someone in. He won't get better unless he learns to rely on someone else but he's scared.

Jane

❤️ptsd

Like Liu, she also has ptsd after what Jeff put her through. Unlike Liu, she hates Jeff for what he did. She feels angry about it because she didn't deserve what happened to her. She has a hard time letting herself fall asleep and has had panic attacks. She doesn't remember most of what happened and that might be for the best.

❤️body dysmorphia

She had this since middle school but it got worse when she was burned. The fire and left her body burned and scarred. She tries not to think about it but she misses how she looked before. She covers up a lot because she doesn't like her burns being stared at. Also because the burns are sensitive.

❤️she is actually trying her best to get better. She reads books and does meditation.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[ombrathefurry]

canon vs fanon main characters

I’ve had to answer this ask six times because Tumblr on my phone keeps deleting my response

Sf 

Canon: Severely traumatized, not very loud about his feelings, not very loud in general, good intentions but DEFINITELY not innocent, avoids attention and confrontation as much as possible, a cat, child that needs protecting, actually kind of smart sometimes, “everything that happens to me isn’t my choice anymore” but in a bitterness to the world way 

Fanon: Neurotically anxious, main character syndrome, loud, “PLEASE DONT HURT ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE,” panics a lot (but not in the way he actually does this one is more like a meltdown than a panic attack,) innocent bean, literally almost every other animal other than a cat (usually mouse or sheep,) kind of dumb child that needs protecting, shouldn’t be left on his own, warms up to people too fast, “everything that happens to me isn’t my choice” but in a woe is me kind of way (main character syndrome)

Phoenix 

Canon: Literally a horrible person, woman, boxy and strong, scariest and most dangerous out of the main cast, a literal sadist, horribly unwell both physically and mentally, actually just a monster she’s just become the epitome of a monster, TORTURES people and never intentionally KILLS them, absolutely terrifying especially in a fight, very unstable mentality (which leads to her being not so evil sometimes,) she cannot be fixed 

Fanon: Man (???) less scary than loading (??????) kind of edgy but not super scary, the cool lady baddie character that everyone avoids because she’s kind of scary, kills people, isn’t very cruel she’s just insane, “ehehehheee” evil instead of just actual pure evil

Loading 

Canon: Mentally unstable, gayest man alive, very severe mood swings (can be the nicest man alive or the most viscerally psychotic creature chasing you like a rabid dog,) a stupid idiot, no capability of manipulation (he also would have no interest,) manic killer, loves Draven with a deep passion, people think he’s evil because it’s just the way he is, silly 

Fanon: Big evil mastermind, calculating psycho, always evil, kind of a jerk, smart, a simp for Draven, people think he’s evil because he tries to be, sfs worst nightmare (occasionally #1 tormentor???????) scariest of the gang 

Draven 

Canon: Apathetic scary man, he’s scary because he’s unpredictable, occasionally sadistic and when he is he’s actually really bad, doesn’t look for much trouble but when he does his craziness shows through, but he’s also actually traumatized and is struggling with it, love loading with the same deep passion, okay yeah now that I think about it he’s actually very mentally unwell too 

Fanon: Emotionless man who doesn’t care about anything (he does he just doesn’t show it) not scary, kind of uninterested in loading, dad vibes sometimes I don’t know how 

Reena 

Canon: Bubbly, kind of a jerk actually, annoying, nice to her friends though, can’t do much about anything that’s happening to sf despite really wanting to, watches over sf rather than protects him 

Fanon: Protects sf, innocent, elegant, kind peaceful ghost type thing idk there’s not much else she doesn’t get a lot of attention 

[chysgoda]

September 06 Halcyon

Spoilers: Dawntrail, Arcadion

“Mylla!”

Long experience with high strung gladiators meant that Mylla Swordsong did not startle when her office door slammed open unexpectedly. Quickly she put the stopper in the inkwell. There was a one in three chance that the next thing to happen was hands slamming down on her desk depending on who was coming through the door.

Art’imis Chysgoda’s hands slammed on to her desk. Mylla leaned back from the slightly crazed look in her friend’s eyes.

“There’s a city that has gladiator fights in Tural!” The raen woman’s broad smile showed her sharp canines. “All of their fighters are augmented! Mylla! I’m allowed to play! Also their contract negotiation skills are shit.”

“A return to the good old days?” Mylla asked with a smile. Art’imis was stronger than she’d ever been when fighting on the sands, but she’d also confessed to Mylla she missed the roar of a crowd on a firesday night.

“Not quite there’s some birdshite with souls I’m figuring out at the same time-”

“Souls?”

“You don’t want to know.”

Mylla nodded when Art’imis’s tone dropped its manic energy and warned her off asking any more questions. When Mylla didn’t press for details Art’imis smiled again and leaned further over the desk, “the crowd is so fucking hot! I got to be a heel! It was great!”

Mylla was sharply jealous of the other coliseum. Art’imis had been a good showman back in the day. Now with the jewel toned enamel painted over the gold that edged ivory scales and a presence that could feel the room? If her every fight wasn’t a squash Mylla would beg her on hands and knees to come back to the sands full time. “I’m very happy for you.”

“You’re a horrible liar Mylla,” Art’imis laughed. She motioned to the door, “Come on, lunch is on me.”

Well at least there would be free lunch. Mylla offered to sentiment to her ego. Art’imis motioned for the guild mistress to follow her. Mylla sighed and followed her friend out.

[thegeminisage]

star trek update time. tuesday we did voy's "night" and ds9's "afterimage."

night (voy):

i REALLY liked this one...a rare w for neelix, whose fear of nothingness is relatable and totally understandable considering he just converted to atheism

it also makes me understand why people hc janeway as bipolar...she's up she's down i kind of get it. not sure if i 10% agree but i do at least get it. deeply enjoyed chakotay's attempts to bring her back into the rest of the ship also

also, chakotay asking tuvok for advice <3 and then later janeway is like chakotay i trust you more than anyone on this ship and you just KNOOOW he is like damn take THAT tuvok! worsties <3

MUTINY AS A TREAT!!!! we can have a little mutiny as a treat.

i love that she was like chakotay i trust you saaaur much and he was like got it i will go behind your back to do mutiny

although, is it really mutiny if they're stoping what is more or less a suicide attempt...no. ALSO, it makes me well up how much they love her. not a single one of them wanted to stay behind on that paradise planet and the last time they almost mutinied it was curing 2.25 resolutions in which she did have to be left behind and like...damn. she's kicking herself for what she did to them but they love and trust her so much. wah. excellent episode

oh and before i forget i loved the aliens in this one also. she was like fuck the prime directive we are in fact taking sides <3

afterimage (ds9):

i miss deanna troi.

it's that bad! it's that dire! at least when deanna was being a therapist on a ship she knew what the FUCK she was doing. exri dax is like hee hee we will figure our problems out together at the same time! we will do it without warning in the middle of your tailor's shop! im a junior counselor i am such a good little girl scout! girl...please

i did really like ezri's scenes with sisko. firstly it's hard to fail when you're acting alongside him (although eddington or whoever did manage) and secondly it's when exri feels the most like "just dax" instead of teehee quirky cute junior counselor wannabe manic pixie dream girl. christ

also, it really riles me that garak is talking about this deeply personal stuff with a STRANGER. even jadzia was nearly a stranger to him - they knew each other but they weren't super close. it was a BIG DEAL when garak even allowed julian to know who his father was, and now with no prompting he's talking about that same father locking him in a closet isaac lahey style in the middle of his shop with zero prompting?? get FUCKED. it was so horribly manufactured. garak should have been working through this shit with JULIAN or at least someone who actually knows him. the betrayal of cardassians is such a juicy bit of acting and character development and we fucking wasted it on this shit!

speaking of julian, i'm also extremely put off by julian/exri...quark/exri actually feels so much more natural and respectful at this point whereas "oh she used to love when you flirted with her julian it would have been you if it wasn't worf" was so fucking excruciating and shoehorned in

finally...the worf stuff is bogus. he has no right to be like this isnt the same lady and then threaten people who talk to her. he also has a right to want nothing to do with her since he's grieving. she doesn't have to like make peace or whatever with him. he's not an obstacle she has to overcome in order to feel like one of the gang~! like she literally could leave :/ too bad she won't.

LIKE THEY DIDN'T HAVE TIME. TO DO A NEW CHARACTER. JUST BE LESS SHITTY TO TERRY FARREL. GOD.

maybe it will get better. i hope it does. but this JUNIOR~ counselor stuff is fucking killing me

TONIGHT: voy's "drone" and ds9's "take me out to the holosuite" - FINALLY. i'm still mad that jadzia never got to play baseball :(

[eddie-3xists]

#tweaking!!! losing my mind!!! the suffering is too much to bear!! GAH!! but also i am a joyous fellow!!! but im not!!! at the same time!!!!

this image is genuinely the only way i can describe how i feel i fear

[mandy4ever69420]

you've said before about how Frank's addiction is not a moral failure but that doesn't excuse Frank cause being an addict isn't his only trait. in that same line, I would love to read your opinion on Monica, considering that other than being an addict she's bipolar and has never been properly medicated before as said in the show. maybe a character analysis too as the one you did to Sheila?

i have no idea if i can repeat the style of what i had to say about sheila, it took me by surprise that i had all that in me. but i can tell you my opinions on monica. also i don't know all that much about bipolar, just that it's intense and difficult. disclaimer.

i found her really charming. like i definitely wouldn't want to hang out with her at all ever, but she made episodes good invariably

maybe i want to start by saying here that monica doing so poorly by her children isn't necessarily just because of her illness (though, i mean, it didn't help. i don't think there's a way to be that sick around kids that won't screw with their heads) it's to me because she couldn't allow herself to look past her insecurities to take care of them first. i also want to give monica credit for the possibly the saddest and most evocative line in the entire show: "i don't wanna be me anymore"

i guess part of my belief about her is that her approximately level-headed, clear-minded impulse is to leave. sure, she leaves a lot when she's manic and not thinking clearly. but it's more painful to see her leave after escaping a hospital where she was seeking treatment. so it's her belief that she's inherently harmful that causes the harm. this is also something that ian winds up repeating. horribly enough, the insecurities that he's running from are usually to do with being like her.

crucially, also, she wants to be nice! she wants to think she's nice, but she just wants things to be easy more. this is sort of where the fanciful idea comes from that gets people's hopes up when she's around - that if she's feeling good, maybe she can come heap some love on her kids, and everything wrong will just go away. i remember also after she died, seeing all of her little "i love you!" notes and being struck with how much of a kid-like thing that was to do.

so monica's behavior towards her kids was exacerbated by but not due solely to her bipolar. i mean of course, being sick can't MAKE you treat people badly. it can make it easier though

there's a bit of a personal stance of my own in here: though it's an obligation to try to minimize how much you hurt others, it's never an obligation to get sober or seek treatment. part of my stance on bodily autonomy is that people even have the right to do things that are potentially harmful to themselves. if monica had the resources or motivation to manage her symptoms the hard way and minimize how much she hurt others in the process, she'd have as much right to staying unmedicated as bianca did to not trying to treat her cancer.

it does, however, seem she was at some point following some sort of semi-regular treatment in the past. probably never long enough to get past the hurdle of finding a balance that doesn't make you feel god awful (i have spoken to people about how lithium feels if it's not right for you. fucking brutal, apparently) but when frank complains that she's a zombie or ian expresses resistance to taking meds for the rest of his life i think this indicates she was just, occasionally medicated.

monica is also one of the most static characters in the show - in part because she doesn't have that much screen time compared to how much she influences the plot, and in part just because the instability she brings BECOMES its own form of monotony.

WRT: her wanting things to be easy, i think this is something she shares with frank. it's a slightly different form of selfishness but yields similar results. they really are suited to each other and can understand each other in a handful of ways, even if it mostly manifests in a handful of really painful honeymoon phases.

i remember fiona complained that lip was her "favorite" in season one, and maybe (maybe) it was true pre-series, i think it's more likely that this complaint says more about fiona than monica. that fiona might not see that monica has such favoritism for ian, because to me it seems like fiona shares the same soft spot for ian. it's perfectly well possible that monica's fondness for ian became MUCH stronger when she learned he was gay - because she could pretend he was just like her, so she could sort of play around with the idea of a new version of herself

i also think complaining that lip was monica's favorite was, more than anything, an early parallel between frank and lip. so monica's "favorite" is really none of her kids, no matter how much she loves them, but in fact just her frank, or herself again, when she realizes she can project onto ian.

there are a lot of these, and again, this isn't just about lip's alcoholism. lip has a lot of school-style smarts and is the only one of their children to go to college - we learn later that frank was in and dropped out of college. lip also gets more credit than debbie or liam for being academically successful, because he's a white boy with those traits, like frank. also, lip and frank's chase scenes fit together well. one of the bigger differences between lip and ian is that ian is much more likely to stand his ground for a fight than lip is. there's a vague argument to be made for this being a monica trait (having something in common with a shitty parent doesn't have to be a bad thing!) - she does insist frank apologizes, or she does kick him out of the car when he really pisses her off. also, though, it could just be an ian thing.¯\_(ツ)_/¯

fiona sees a lot of monica and frank throwing aside the well being of their kids to play in their fantasy perfect romance before things fall apart. instead of concluding that peoples kids should be their first priorities, she just concluded that when she was someone's girlfriend she was going to be their first priority. this is kind of what i think bit her in the ass with sean. i understand why she was upset at the wedding but taking offense at sean putting his kid first isn't fair.

jimmysteve, btw, is probably the only love interest who was enough of an asshole in the right way to work with fiona. also! the only kids he prioritized over fiona were her younger siblings. this pissed her off but it was in a context she could appreciate. i'll never get over how stupid of a choice it was to retcon his death. so unsatisfying.

i've seen a lot of really weird debate online about frank and monica's whole deal - like because monica, when she's upset with frank, loves to throw in his face that "he almost destroyed her", and then oddly there's the occasional claim that "monica ruined frank". IMO they're very evenly matched. they have a lot of really similar impulses, and are both some of the most wildly unreliable narrators out there. you can't get the full story, because it doesn't exist objectively.

like monica, also, the most difficult to watch parts of frank's character are the parts where he's kind. you can see so clearly that things didn't have to be this way! he's perfectly capable of extending kindness to people while he's drunk, in the same way monica is capable of care while unmedicated. it's a handful of choices, not an illness or innate state of being that make them act the ways they do.

1 thing shameless does really well is giving me things that make me extremely uncomfortable in parallels that i later decide i adore. the frank/monica to mickey/ian comparison might be at the very top of that list. i just love comparing how well suited both these couples are to one another, how desperate ian is not to be like that because he is so intimately familiar with the pain caused by the fallout of something that intense, the ways that ian and mickey manage to sidestep the things that really made frank/monica so bad for each other.

best comparison here is probably, sorry if this has been said before/better, just watching frank break monica out of the hospital whether she wants it or not VS watching mickey try to get himself locked up just so ian wouldn't be alone in there. monica drives away at the end and she's still alone, ian comes home after his hospitalization and doesn't have to be. this is also just one of those parallels that is so much better viewing the show as a whole and not serialized. my deepest condolences to anyone watching seasons 5-8 live

anyway, all my love to shameless for their horrible complicated fucked up mothers whose children are fully permitted horrible complicated fucked up feelings about. hate her if you want, she's in you, and that's a good thing.

[idrisofficial]

Which characters/character do you feel most personally/emotionally involved with and why?

oh this is a very difficult question and i appreciate it very much. as any creator would, i’m inclined to say all of them in different ways…but that’s kind of a cop-out.

i think i’ll say brinne and lennox. they’re not the characters i relate to the most, but i do think i feel the most emotional connection towards them. a lot of what draws me to them is their silent suffering—both of them live in glass prisons of their own making. a lot of this is mental illness related, but their natural dispositions are also of great influence (although lennox’s natural disposition is extremely debatable when you consider nature vs nurture).

brinne was the first of any of my idris characters to exist, and the depth of her development definitely follows suit. her transition from a manic but deeply idealistic teenager to a reticent and self-interested monarch through the buildup of her childhood trauma and the final straw of her near death experience is so deliciously heartbreaking. her loneliness, her codependency with adrian, her sexual and alcoholic coping mechanisms, her deep uncertainty in the religion that gives meaning to her entire life…poor girl can’t catch a break. brinne has always been the focus of idris, and i’ve had fun and i’ve had pain hurting her like i do. most of the actual writing that i’ve accomplished revolves around her, and for good reason. she is at the core of the conflicts plaguing idris’s centuries-old culture and still just a twenty two year old girl who never really got to grow up. sometimes i act as though her teenage self and her adult self are two separate people, but the truth is that they are painfully intertwined. brinne’s suppression of her idealism and desire for change in service to her desperate attempts at self-preservation is what drives her motivations throughout every iteration of this story. she cannot escape who she is, try as she might. and i think there’s something so, so compelling about that for someone in a position of such horrible power like she is.

lennox is layer upon layer upon layer. the fact that he was originally inspired by byakuya togami? we’re not gonna talk about that. lennox has also come a long way as a character, the third to exist after brinne and adrian. he’s an og. lennox was a nice kid up until about age six, where the kindness was quite literally shattered in him to make room for solid perfection. a machine with style. he grew into the role almost too perfectly. the pinnacle of competence, a voice of absolute reason and logic amidst his generally wild and dysfunctional generation of nobles. here is why i feel such connection to lennox. he is ice on the outside, ice on the inside, speaks only when necessary but controls the conversation, and casually usurps the throne from time to time. he has studied these same people for sixteen years, understands most of them sickeningly well, and appears virtually flawless aside from his mansplainer bullshit. but my god is he grumpy, bitchy, flamboyant, perfectionistic to the point of petulance, and baselessly sadistic. he’s the second most powerful person in the country and he has constant migraines from dealing with others’ bullshit. he loves his siblings. he’s one of only two characters to understand his sexuality and he’s deeply afraid of it. he gets no bitches. he’s still mourning the death of the cousin whose death he was responsible for and who he was boyishly in love with. he’s sensible as all hell, but my god, he is fucking losing it. nobody gets that. even the people who hate him don’t get that. they hate him for his pretentious swag but don’t understand how much of a loser he actually is. anyways. i’m on a tangent now. he’s flawless. he’s horrible. there is no changing who he is, but would he ever have turned out like this naturally? lennox is a product of both what others have made him into and what he has forced himself to embody. there is no lennox that isn’t a diamond formed under absolute pressure.

[undertale-fic-librarby]

HELLO MOD SLEEPY!! glad you actually made this blog!! it's always nice to have a place for recs like this!!!!!

if you (or any readership!) could rec a certain niche of fic for me, i'd love it—i'm always looking for lighthearted horrortale sans fics, they're a rare find, but a nice one. (i have an intense I Can Fix Him Mentality, and i do also just enjoy seeing that guy happy...) as long as there's no horrible unending torment and angst, anything goes! i'm a total selfshipper, too, so if you find any nice reader insert fics i always appreciate those!

many thanks and wellest of wishes,

laintodust

Thanks for asking! Here are some fics I found that might fit what you're looking for!

The Haunting of Collimore Manor by CAECAE (Mature, Incomplete)

Told In (YOU/YOUR) Y/N Collimore, a deceased mage that now haunts her family's manor must now deal with a group of skeleton intruders as she unlocks more of her forgotten past. Only thing is, these intruders don’t seem to be leaving any time soon…

Relax, Pal by Nonfigurativt (Not Rated, Incomplete)

When you first lay eyes upon him, you're not sure what to feel. He is terrifying, you feel the need to hide. But after seeing him from time to time, you see past the first dangerous aura he emits, and you soon develop a little crush. Then he finds you staring, and you get encouragement to finally talk to the guy. ‘Hey, I’m sorry I called you a whore, but uhh… you’re my soulmate? And I’m literally so unloveable so… Good luck with that?

His Starry Night on You by Witchcraftandwine (Mature, Incomplete)

some people have a picture on their body, a connection between them and the one who is meant only for them, these marks are soul marks. When your mark flares into beautiful focus after a life altering event you realise that while experience may have made you jaded against romance, fate had other ideas.

The Pit by bugbra1n_404 (Not Rated, Incomplete)

How fucking stupid you were. Your first mistake was stepping foot on that damn mountain. Your second mistake was going the same trail your dad went. Your third? That was believing you were at the top of the food chain, but then again, would you have been able to predict the broad, lumbering, manic, homicidal monsters below the mountain?

A Bit(ty) of a Hard Time by guro_kuro (General Audiences, Complete)

You help foster bitties and have been doing so for years. You come across one case that absolutely calls for you to help this poor bitty whose been neglected and abandoned. Though, it's quite hard when the bitty you're fostering doesn't want to be anywhere near humans and resists all help. That doesn't stop you, and you have all the patience in the world and can show him that there's more to this world and you'll get through to this bitty through love and support. or horror bitty finds love in a world that didn't give him any

[super-unpredictable98]

Can you do a oneshot of Klaus trying and failing to share his problems regarding the ghosts , training, drugs and everything with his siblings (whoever you think he would go to) ? Asking for the canon verse. I think this is something that might have happened.

Love your writing.

Encounter With Karma (TUA Fanfic)

Word Count: 1,5 k

Warning: Strong language, alcohol, mention of death, gore, and drugs

a/n: Thank you so much <3 I decided to merge this request with another one I got to include Nanno in one of my Klaus fics. Hope you both enjoy it!

(Masterlist)

Another horrible day, the end of a week high, and Klaus felt like he just got run over by a truck. He was laying on the sidewalk a few blocks away from his childhood home. Tired, hungry, lonely, and now the voices were starting to get louder again.

"Shut up! Shut up!" he cried, squirming helplessly.

"You don't seem so well," a girl called.

Klaus opened his eyes, a young Asian lady with shoulder-length hair and a school uniform stood looking down at him. She was incredibly beautiful, especially her smile, although there was something wicked about it, her cheery look was a little offputting.

"I feel like shit, thanks," he breathed.

"But I guess one could say you deserve it," she murmured, taking a drink from a bottle of gin she was holding.

"Aren't you a little too young to be drinking?"

"As if you care, when you started drinking you were much younger than me, weren't you?" she crouched. "I'm Nanno, I'm new in town."

"Klaus, I'm old in town," he sat up with a grunt and held his head which seemed to be spinning. The more he looked at that girl, the more uncomfortable he got, something wasn't right about her. "Wait, you're not dead, are you?"

"No, of course not, I'm just like you," she explained.

"What does that mean?"

"You don't know? Wow, you're more pathetic than I imagined."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, do you mean the powers? You have powers?" Klaus mumbled in confusion.

"You can say so…"

"What are you? Superhero?" He scoffed. Sometimes, once in a blue moon, people would recognize him from the Umbrella Academy, maybe that's why she stopped to talk to him. He usually took advantage of it, he could get free stuff or a place to stay, but didn't seem like she had much to offer.

"I'm Nanno," she repeated with a careless shrug while twisting the ends of her thick dark hair with her finger.

For a moment, when Klaus stared up at her, she was wearing the Umbrella uniform, domino mask and all, she even had the same tattoo he carried on his wrist. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes to make sure he was really seeing it but turns out when he looked again, she was back to wearing a normal school uniform.

"You're weirder than my siblings."

"Thank you," she seemed extremely amused by the way he freaked out and her manic laughter was probably one of the most disturbing sounds he had ever heard. "Klaus, only stupid people wallow in self-pity instead of looking for help. I know you're a pathetic junkie and also not the brightest-"

"Hey!" He yelped, offended.

"But quit your whining and look around, you're actually very lucky. If you're not careful you might end up seeing more of me than you would like. I am not stopping and I'm much worse than the little ghosts you're so scared of or your daddy," Nanno grinned before getting back on her feet and dusting her skirt. "Bye bye, Seance."

He watched as she left, wondering what she meant. "You're not my mom!" He shouted defiantly.

Without a word, she turned to look over her shoulder, only this time Nanno's face was completely disfigured. She was covered in blood and bruises, her ethereal beauty was disrupted with cuts and wounds that seemed to be rotting. She looked exactly like one of the spirits Klaus had been trying to get rid of.

"Boo…" she whispered before turning back around to continue on her way.

A chill ran down his spine, somehow he knew those were not empty threats. Why did she wanna help him anyway? She didn't strike him as the type of person who would want to help anyone… not as if he had many ways to be helped.

He put this moment off as long as he could, Klaus hated to ask for help in situations like this, but only thinking about seeing that devilish grin again was enough to make his feet move on their own and take him to the Academy where he knew he would find Luther at least.

It wasn't the first time Klaus found himself standing out those doors, but usually, it was in the middle of the night. He would make his way inside, steal whatever he needed to buy more drugs, and leave without making a sound. This time was different.

"Luther? Lulu?" He called as soon as he entered the living room. "It's me, your most handsome brother!"

"Klaus? What are you doing here?" The Number One made his way down the stairs, still wearing his stupid uniform. He had grown quite a bit, he was massive and tall, although not as massive as he would be in a few years when he received the serum. "Jesus, you smell horrible, what happened to you?"

"The mean schoolgirl said I needed to talk to you, big guy," he slurred.

"Who?"

"Nanno! She was um- she was a schoolgirl and she looked like that character from the book, the book Ben had. The one with the girl who dies and comes back and each piece of her became another girl- Tomie!"

"A mean schoolgirl who looks like this Tomie told you to look for me?" Luther grimaced, almost entirely sure his brother was high and hallucinating.

"Yes! She was scary and she said she's like me. She said I need help or she'd haunt me, and it sounded very convincing! You're the only one I can really ask right now, Lulu."

"Klaus, take a shower, you're in a horrible state and you're not making any sense, come on…"

With a nod, he accepted. It was a start, getting a shower, maybe eating something, even if the coke didn't make his appetite very big.

Luther offered a towel and a change of clothes, Klaus used his old bathroom and realized that when he was submerged in the tub, the voices in his head seemed to calm down even if for a moment.

Once he was done, the two brothers sat across from each other on the couch. For the first time in weeks, Klaus was clean (at least on the outside), no makeup on, and his hair starting to curl again. He still looked like hell, but at least a tidy one.

"So, what's actually going on?" Luther asked.

"I'm not messing around, a schoolgirl did threaten me," he sighed, rubbing his eyes. "But I'm not even sure what's real and what isn't. I keep taking everything I can get my hands on cause I can't deal with myself when I'm sober."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I mean I keep hearing dead people and it's fucking terrifying!" Klaus cried. "I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't sit on the fucking toilet without ghosts haunting me non-stop. The only way I know to shut them up is to get high."

Luther shook his head, he knew his brother was prone to doing that sort of thing. Even as kids, he would break into the liquor cabinets and sneak weed or cigarettes around the house. It wasn't uncommon for him to have burn marks on his shirts, which drove their father insane, but he always blamed it on some villain.

It was one thing to be a mischievous kid who liked to mess around and break rules, it was another thing to destroy his own life because of some ghosts. He had never seen Klaus so thin, his eyes so sunken in, his ribs all showing, it was like he was one of the dead people he kept complaining about. He was clearly miserable even with the drugs, they were a short-term solution to something he would have to deal with his entire life.

"Klaus, did you try rehab?"

"Oh! Now that you mentioned it, what a great fucking idea! You just solved all my problems!" He scoffed. "I've been in and out a few times, I just can't stay clean. I have a collection of those 30-day tokens, everyone knows me around there."

"Well, I don't really know what to say. I think you're strong enough to deal with those spirits without all this shit in your body. They can't hurt you, they're just manifestations of people who aren't even here."

Klaus rolled his eyes, more and more Luther started to sound like their father. Of course he would say that, it wasn't him spending every second of every single day living a nightmare he couldn't escape.

"You make it sound so simple. It's not like that, don't you think I tried to do it the right way? They just don't leave me alone! I can't get a single-" Klaus stopped and shook his head. "Actually, forget about it, I don't know what I was thinking. This is so stupid, you can't help me, no one can."

"No, wait!" Luther called as his brother left the room, despite actually not knowing how to help.

"What?"

"What can I do for you?"

"Do you have twenty bucks?" Klaus asked.

"What for? Food?"

"Yeah… food."

Tag List: @elliethesuperfruitlover @salvador-daley @seanfalco @firstpersonnarrator

[brigdh]

Okay I'm really curious about "Seme/uke-ifed ship"

The WIP meme!

Thank you!

Ahahaha, okay, I saw a prompt asking writers to deliberately lean into OOC seme/uke stereotypes, complete with giant yaoi hands, regardless of how little they actually fit your ship. This was my silly result. This is another one where I'll just post the whole thing because I never intended to publish it (among other reasons, it involves me being mean about some common tropes).

Also, wow, on rereading I feel like I should note that I wrote this months ago, long before Stede's dream in 2x01.

“I’ve come to rescue you,” Stede said, “from Izzy.” 

Ed’s hand loosened around the hilt of his knife in shocked confusion. He opened his mouth to curse Stede out, but instead what he said was, “Rescue me?”

“Oh, my darling, yes.” Stede kept coming forward, despite Ed’s bewildered backwards steps. Stede looked golden in the late afternoon sunlight that was just beginning to break through the clouds. He’d grown a beard, the short hairs just a bit redder than the waves on his head. Ed was not thinking about what it would feel like against his skin, if it would be scratchy or soft. He was distracted enough that he let Stede back him up against a wall, and then there was nowhere else to retreat to.

Stede’s hand, outstretched all this time, finally made contact with Ed’s cheek. It was big enough to touch from his hairline to his chin. “The crew told me everything,” Stede whispered.

Ed jerked his head away, but Stede just kept going in the same confident tone of voice. “How sad you were. How trapped. How Izzy marooned them.”

“Izzy?” Ed stared at Stede, but his attention was caught by the black smudge on Stede’s fingers, still hovering between them. Ed’s face paint, transferred to Stede. A dark and possessive hunger shot suddenly through him. He’d put that mark on Stede, stained him. “Yeah, that was all Izzy’s idea. Definitely.”

“I know, dear, of course I know.” Stede crowded closer, his broad shoulders cutting off Ed’s view of the rest of the deck. Ed fisted his hands in the front of Stede’s shirt, pulling him even closer. It wasn’t silk or cashmere or any of the fine fabrics he was used to on Stede; it was something stiff and scratchy, but that didn’t matter. It was still Stede. “I know you could never have been responsible for such an action. I knew right away that it must have been that horrible little man. But I’m here now. I’ll keep you safe from him.”

Ed swallowed down a burst of manic laughter, fighting it back by biting his lip and blinking his eyes up at Stede. Stede seemed taller; it must be those new boots. “Really?” Ed whispered, pitching his voice higher and more tremulous than his usual habit. “Do you promise?”

“I promise, my love.” Stede surged closer, his arms tightening around Ed. One broad hand rested at Ed’s waist, nearly big enough to wrap around it. Ed shivered with anticipation, exaggerating the movement so Stede would feel him trembling. “Oh,” Stede cooed right on cue. “Look at you. There’s no need to be afraid. I won’t let Izzy hurt you.” 

Ed tucked his face against Stede’s shoulder, rubbing his cheek to smear more of his kohl onto Stede. “You can’t trust him. Please. He’ll tell you lies about me, it’s what he always does – “

“Don’t worry. I would never believe him over you.”

“You can’t let him go, either. Last time he sold us out to the British. He’ll do it again.” Ed spared a brief moment to send a silent apology to Izzy, who had honestly been quite helpful lately. But he wasn’t going to let Stede back out of this again. He had to make sure this was permanent, no escape possible. Blood on Stede’s hands was the surest way. “Stede, you have to… I think you need to….”

Stede shushed him, one hand cupping the back of Ed’s head and gently combing through his hair. “I will. I’ll take care of it.”

Ed pulled back just enough to meet Stede’s gaze. He lifted a hand to Stede’s jaw, brushed his thumb through the copper-colored beard. “Will you do it yourself? I don’t trust anyone else, Stede.”

Stede went a little pale beneath his new tan. “Well – I –“

“Please?” Ed whispered. “I’ll feel safer if I know you did it.”

Stede swallowed, the bob of his Adam’s apple brushing against Ed’s fingers, then nodded. The set of his shoulders firmed. “If that’s what you need, Ed, of course. I’ll do it. I would do anything for you. I – I love you.”

“No one else has ever told me that,” Ed lied. 

Stede seemed content to stare into Ed’s eyes for a long moment, long enough that Ed decides to move things along. He let his fingers drift down along the neckline of Stede’s shirt, then curled them into the lowest point of the V. “Take me to bed?” Ed asked, glancing back up at Stede through his lashes.

Stede tightened his arm around Ed’s shoulders, then abruptly bent and scooped up Ed’s legs in his other arm. Ed choked, briefly shocked to find himself being carried like a bride. He didn’t think Stede had been this strong before; he must have spent his time away working out. It was a strange sensation, but not entirely unpleasant. Something new, at least. It boded well for Stede’s devotion to Ed.

As Stede whirled them across the deck to the captain’s quarters, Ed briefly met Jim’s eyes. They were standing beside Oluwande, their hand clutching his sleeve. They’d been smiling, but as soon as they saw Ed, their face went blank, expressionless except for a slight narrowing of their eyes. Near them, Frenchie stared as well, moving slightly to be more behind Jim. Ed smiled at them both and tucked his head against Stede’s shoulder. He’d have to figure out what to do about them, but he had time to plan. He had no doubt about his ability to keep Stede distracted for the next few hours. 

[quiet-art-kid]

The grades I think I would get if I was in the pirate training program

Bbad spelling: 10/10 I would fucking ace that class. My spelling is so horrible that in fourth grade I was put in the “special class” for spelling. I can’t spell their properly for fuck’s sake, I always misspell it as thier. 

Basic burglary: 6/10 I think I’d be pretty good at stealing and even better at gaslighting the victims like “Where is your bracelet? I haven’t seen it. No, you didn’t put it on today. Oh, this? This was a gift from my cousin. Why does it have your name? It's a hand me down duh, my cousin has the same name as you. If you’re that upset about losing your bracelet, I can help you look for it, because I’m just that nice.”

Baseball: 0/10 I will activate my quiet, nerd, introvert cloak of invisibility (standing so still that adults forget I exist)  during all sports. It’s worked before, it will work again. 

Beginner Burping: 2/10 I could do it, just not very well.

Boarding an enemy ship: 1.5/10 - 6/10 This one sounds like it requires a lot of stamina and depending on if I’m in a more manic or depressive episode my grade would fluctuate.  

Dragon training: 1/10 I would have a bunch of fun debating my dragon about the meaning of life and free will. I would not train the dragon, I would educate them. My dragon would be able to do quadratics and tell you why true democracy can never work on a large scale, but would not be able to catch fish.

Frightening foreigners: 5/10 I can be scary when I want to be, however my brand of frightening is…different from the vikings. It would also require quite a bit of effort, half the time I’d just end up being a resting bitch face nihilist. 

Hammer throwing: 1.5 /10 I have been working out regularly, so I could probably pick up the hammer and toss it like ½ a foot in front of me, but not much more. 

Herding reindeer on dragonback: 3.5/10 I would be so-so at it (a bit below because I don’t love getting near large animals) 

Herding sheep: 4/10 I feel like sheep would be easier to get closer to. 

Hunting-With-Bows-and-Arrows-on-Skis: 1/10 I’m a shit archer but not a terrible skier (which would be the only thing saving me from a 0/10) 

Pointless graffiti: 8/10 I would get 2 points taken off for accidentally creating moving and meaningful graffiti. 

Robbery: 4.5/10: I am good at stealth and plans, but I can be clumsy. 

Senseless Violence: 5/10 I am not normally a violent person, but if need be I won’t hesitate to throw hands. My older brother would fight with me when we were kids for fun. I also have anger issues. 

Shipbuilding: 4/10 I would not follow the instructions but through sheer luck, determination, and will power would get a working boat, that is simultaneously an artistic masterpiece. 

Shouting: 1.5/10 I literally can’t raise my voice nine times out of ten because of my trauma. I’d also probably start crying in the middle of class. 

Spitting: 0/10 I’m not even trying on this one. 

Sword Fighting: 4/10 I’d be average at it (just slightly below)

Sword Fighting at Sea: 3/10 I’d be even worse due to the rockiness of the boat. 

Advanced rudery: 7/10 I …watch way too much r/roast me. 

Weaponry: 2/10 I’m not sure what this class entails but I doubt I’d be good at it. 

[trippin-over-my-fandoms]

* slams my paws down on the counter * TELL ME ABOUT YOUR ETHAN AND MIA HEADCANONS! I wanna know so bad about literally anything you got going on in that brain of yours with them!

THEYRE EVERYTHING TO MEEEE

I love them literally so much you got it fr

Aight so to start off with Mia wasn’t part of the connections or even looking to get into that specific kind of work when she first met Ethan. They were just two kids in college barely out of high school. They had the same friend group and everything, as average as average could get.

After college Mia ends up being scouted for their little group- probably something along the lines of how a MLM/pyramid scheme works where someone sought her out and twisted what their company was about so she’d join. Most likely making it seem like they were doing good so when she found out what they were truly doing it didn’t matter anymore to her.

The whole “trading company” thing is from them too. They’ve got an entire cover that all of documents and insurance is under and all that fancy stuff so Ethan never suspects it and they get married with Ethan being none the wiser.

Not that she wants to lie to him but she believes it’s for the greater good anyway. She can keep it a secret. She’s always been good at that.

And Ethan? Well, he knows something is off just doesn’t know what and doesn’t want to question it for fear of losing her. He’s so in love with her that he doesn’t really care. She isn’t cheating on him which is enough for him.

So when she dies he can’t help but think it’s his fault in a way. He blames himself. If he had just been closer to her and made her open up or confronted her about whatever it was she was hiding then maybe she wouldn’t have accepted the job abroad and maybe she wouldn’t have died trying to get home.

His life is damn near over when Mia is gone. Ethan is so heartbroken he loses his job because he doesn’t go in to work, staying at home and falling into a deep dark depression soon after losing her- she was his entire world.

He only stays like that for a few months at most. He’s got a friend in California who’s job is hiring and convinces Ethan to move out there. Other friends of his reminded him that Mia wouldn’t have wanted that sadness for him, that she’d want him to be happy- she loved him so much it would break her heart to see him in so much pain. It doesn’t really help much at the time but he does leave Texas and moves out to california.

He never stops looking for her though. Once Ethan gets settled in at his new place and new job- he keeps an eye on missing persons articles and anything that could be Mia. Her body was never recovered so surely she’s still out there somewhere. He spends a lot of time obsessing over it, he’s incredibly stubborn.

He’s just about given up on it when he gets her Email.

Mia on the flip side spends those three years at the Bakers fighting for her damned sanity. It’s the memory of Ethan and her love for him that will often bring her back to reality when Eveline has gotten her claws in her.

She spends ages avoiding the Bakers and learning the estate like the back of her hand just trying to get out, to get back to Ethan.

And that persistent thought of him is what draws Evie to Ethan in the first place. She wants Mia to be her mommy so badly and for Mia to be happy with her but she knows Mia won’t be happy until she has Ethan back.

After Dulvey they’re horribly dysfunctional.

Mia is damned near manic and she’s incredibly paranoid.

Ethan doesn’t feel the same and he chalks it up to trauma often (and I also headcanon Ethan as autistic which he doesn’t know he is- he’s known he’s different since he was a kid but it seems to come and go. And with the presence of the mutamycete in his system he’s all over the place poor guy). He still can’t fathom how all of what happened… happened. He tries so hard not to look at all his scars because it makes it even harder to grasp.

They’re both snippy and get into fights, enough they’ve had the cops called on them. But they can’t bear to be apart, it only makes it worse. It’s this awful flip of going from being the perfect couple to no longer working. And it’s hard for them with how much they had loved each other before hand to just all of a sudden not work out?

The only reason they even stay together as long as they do is because they still love each other but what happened, Mia’s lies, the horrors that are so very real in the world, it all makes it hard.

It’s only when Mia ends up pregnant that things are kinda put into perspective for them. That’s when they move out to Romania. They want to get as far way as possible. Running away had worked for Ethan so maybe it could work for them too. They could have a life far away from all the bad and terror that they’ve faced. Rose was like a new leaf for them.

They’re new identities were in being parents. They threw all of themselves into it. Whereas before they found themselves in each other they now found it in their daughter.

And they still didn’t communicate well which is why when Mia started acting strange those few days before the village incident Ethan didn’t say a damn thing. He gives her space, maybe too much, maybe he should have asked more questions.

Also one of my top songs for them- especially for the beginning of 7 is Wait for Me from HadesTown. Like that’s so them. And then for the part between 7 and 8 I like to listen to My Fault by Imagine Dragons n sob thinking about their dysfunction. And we can’t forget Run to You by CJ Starnes.

Ty Mish <3 I love rambling about these two.