#i feel like were distancing

[allaboutbethsblog]

my best friend isn't talking to me as much anymore, and I feel like we're distancing.

We don't hang out anymore like we used to.

we don't call. (we used to facetime each other every other night)

We don't message each other as often as we used to.

she only wants me when she has no one else. and I'm not doing that anymore, and she's using me.

I'm not gonna let her use me anymore.

I do talk to her when I'm on the bus in the mornings. Most of the time, I'm tired and don't want to talk. I do listen to her, though

next month she's moving house and when I go into college in September she won't be on the bus.

the last thing i want to say is:

I still call her my best friend.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[iwasbored777]

The height difference in ITSV vs in ATSV is killing me 😭 Miles and Gwen were so shorter than Peter, now they're almost as tall as him

[andi-o-geyser]

despite how you feel about the changes from the stream to the show, if you like or dislike them, i love how inherently hilarious the narrative path tlovm is taking regarding perc’ahlia is because a situationship would literally kill campaign percy and vex like how the internet would kill a small victorian child. they are NOT built for that

[sthilarions]

During a case many years ago, a witch made a poppet (roughly equivalent to the popular conception of a “voodoo doll”) of Edwin. They defeated the witch soundly and got the poppet, but there’s no safe way to destroy it. The only place Edwin and Charles trust as safe enough to keep it is inside Charles’s backpack, where no one but Charles could possibly get to it.

Charles largely forgets about it, buried deep deep down in the bag, until Edwin is held captive, less than a year after their jaunt to Hell, and there’s absolutely no way to get to him until the portal opens again at the next full moon, and he’s going crazy with worry, imagining Edwin in all sorts of misery without Charles not even able to so much as comfort him. He’s digging mindlessly through the bag when he gets to the poppet, and, he realizes, there is this one thing he can do.

He pulls it out with a care he wouldn’t give to a Faberge egg, because this is the most precious thing in the world, in any world, and looks at it for a moment. Then he reaches out ever so gently and strokes its hair. He murmurs reassurances to it - it’s alright, I’m sorry, I love you. He sings lullabies, curls around it and hugs it against him so, so carefully, tilts his head down and presses kisses to its soft curl-covered head.

He doesn’t let the poppet go for even a moment on all the days until the full moon returns, even as he’s preparing for battle, preparing to absolutely fucking obliterate the bastards that are holding Edwin.

Just as the portal opens, he finally places the poppet back in his bag, in the safest, warmest corner. He hefts the arsenal in his arms and strapped to his back and floating around him and charges through.

He tears through the stronghold in minutes, and he does literally mean through - he’s left a trail of smoking rubble behind him where ghost-proof walls used to be - and finally, finally gets to Edwin, and -

“Ah, Charles, there you are. Not to worry, I’m quite alright. There has been some sort of force - “

Charles doesn’t even hear him as he wraps himself around Edwin, and his body follows the same motions it has for weeks now, stroking hair, pressing kisses, murmuring muffled you’re alright I love you you’re alright I’m sorry I love you I’m sorrys into Edwin’s hair, which is even softer in reality than on the poppet, and Edwin says -

“Ah. That was you.”

Charles can’t see or hear anything other than Edwin, at the moment, but he can’t not see Edwin, so he has a very clear view as Edwin reaches his arms out and, with a few words, takes control of all the magical weapons and orbs and so forth that have been trailing after Charles.

And he hears when Edwin says “Well, then, Charles, shall we depart?”

And he feels it when Edwin lifts him as effortlessly as he lifted the poppet, holding him so he can keep his nose buried against Edwin’s neck as Edwin blasts his way out.

And he definitely feels it when, a few very loud minutes later, they’re back in their office, and Edwin’s head turns to meet one of his kisses.

“It’s alright, Charles. I’m sorry I left you alone. I love you.”

[kuromi-hoemie]

was drunk at my friend's place yesterday and her bf was given some throwing knives, played around for a bit and i still got it 🧐 that was my last push to get back into knife throwing, haven't been into it since i was 17/18 lol. i ordered these ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა

edit: if ur here from my top posts you can see me throw them here!

[evercelle]

2024 art summary! it sure has been a year

[ender1821]

im a child of divorce

[flwrkid14]

A Love That Hurts: Tim and Danny’s Toxic Tango

It didn’t start like this.

In the beginning, their love had been easy. They found comfort in each other—a soft place to land when the rest of the world felt too sharp. Tim loved Danny’s laugh, the way it lit up a room even when everything else felt dark. Danny adored Tim’s quiet strength, the way he always seemed to know how to pick up the pieces.

For a while, they were each other’s saving grace. Tim helped Danny feel grounded, giving him the stability he hadn’t known since Amity Park became more battlefield than home. Danny made Tim feel alive, like he wasn’t just another cog in the Bat-machine—like he was someone worth loving.

But that kind of love is hard to hold onto when you don’t know how to nurture it.

------------------------

The cracks started small: an offhand comment here, a tense silence there. They chalked it up to stress, but the arguments began to escalate, unraveling the love they’d built. Neither of them knew how to fix it, so they didn’t try.

One fight bled into another. Danny’s voice was sharp. “They’re my friends, Tim. Something you’d know about if you still talked to yours. When was the last time you even answered Cassie or Steph? You’re too busy trying to fix things that don’t need fixing.”

Tim didn’t hesitate. “And when was the last time Val actually came through for you? She’s got her own problems—why does she need to patrol with you? Are you just keeping her around for the nostalgia? Or are you afraid of letting her go?”

Danny’s lips curled into a bitter smile. “Right, because you’re the expert on letting go. How many of Kon’s clones are you going to try to ‘save’ before you realize it’s never going to bring him back?”

Tim flinched, his voice low and venomous. “At least I don’t run back to my exes when I feel like I’m losing control. What’s next, Danny? You calling Sam and Tucker to bail you out?”

Danny laughed, hollow and sharp. “You really think I need them? I’m here, Tim. With you. Maybe if you spent less time in your spreadsheets, you’d see that.”

The fights always ended the same: one of them storming off, slamming doors, followed by hours of silence. When they apologized, it wasn’t about fixing anything—just avoiding another explosion.

Neither could admit the truth: they weren’t protecting each other—they were just too afraid to let go

------------------------

Danny didn’t just distance Tim from his friends; he actively cut them out. He deleted Cassie’s texts before Tim could see them, until eventually, she stopped trying. When Tim noticed, Danny shrugged. “She’s probably busy,” he said casually, though his tone left no room for argument.

Tim didn’t push. After all, he wasn’t innocent. When Val invited Danny to patrol with her, Tim was quick to sow doubt. “You really think Amity Park can’t survive one night without you? Or is it just about her? Seems like you don’t trust me to be enough.”

Danny hesitated, his frustration visible, but he stayed. Over time, Val’s invitations stopped, and Danny didn’t ask why.

------------------------

Sam and Tucker’s visit to Gotham was no different. Danny had been excited to see them, but when the weekend came, Tim hit a low point.

“Do you really need to see them right now?” Tim asked, his voice soft but pointed. “It’s been rough lately. I thought you’d want to focus on us.”

Danny faltered, guilt creeping in. “They already planned the trip…”

“And what about me?” Tim pressed, his voice taking on an edge. “Am I supposed to just sit here and wait while you run back to them? Is that what this is?”

Danny canceled the plans. He didn’t explain, just sent Sam a curt text: Can’t make it. Something came up. He ignored the flood of concerned messages that followed, shoving his phone into a drawer.

When Tim noticed the tension, he didn’t comment. Instead, he doubled down. “You’re better off without them. They don’t understand this life. Not like I do.”

Danny nodded, even as the distance from Sam and Tucker grew into something he didn't know how to bridge.

Tim wasn’t immune to Danny’s tactics either. Bruce invited Tim to family dinner, but Danny’s reaction was immediate. “You’re seriously going to leave me here? After everything?” he asked, his tone more accusation than question.

“It’s just dinner,” Tim said weakly, but Danny’s narrowed eyes stopped him.

“Right. And how long before you’re ‘just’ staying overnight at the Manor? Before Bruce drags you back into his plans? You think they care about you? They care about what you can do for them.”

Tim stayed, sending Bruce a quick excuse. When Dick called the next day, Tim brushed him off with a clipped, “Busy.” Danny noticed the tension but said nothing, a smug satisfaction flickering in his eyes when Tim didn’t bring up the family again.

When Damian later referred to Tim as “too busy playing house,” Danny felt a pang of guilt that he quickly buried under pride. At least Tim was his, now.

------------------------

They were each other’s shields against the world, but it came at a cost.

Danny missed Sam and Tucker fiercely but couldn’t bring himself to reach out, not when Tim would undoubtedly notice. Tim felt the growing distance from the Bats like a weight he couldn’t shake, but he didn’t try to repair it—not when Danny so clearly needed him more.

The truth was simple and ugly: they weren’t protecting each other. They were controlling each other.

Danny missed the Tim who made him feel safe. Tim missed the Danny who didn’t flinch at “I love you.” But neither of them could stop. Because if Sam and Tucker weren’t there for Danny, and the Bats weren’t there for Tim, they only had each other.

And maybe that was the point.

[yrsonpurpose]

He remembers Henry’s words in the garden months ago: “D’you ever wonder what it’s like to be some anonymous person out in the world?” If he’s some anonymous, normal person, removed from history…

[lunarharp]

played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance - The Grid

[philomaela]

The Rhaenyra/Laenor marriage is very fun to think about imo, because like it's such a mess of power play and yet it reads as oddly balanced to me?

He's the husband so he should have more power than her, but she's the princess of dragonstone, so she outranks him. He's marrying into her dynasty, but she needs him to keep her inheritance (since her father threatened to disinherit her if she didn't go through with it). He's gay and she's a woman having an affair, both of these things are scandalous and seen as a betrayal of their society's genders norms but their marriage is already a weird betrayal of gender norms?

I personally feel like theres some evidence that their marriage was actually a great success on a personal level, just not at all by the standards of their society and not at all in the way their parents intended. What I mean by that is... Rhaenyra clearly didn't want to marry Laenor but she was forced to by her father. We don't know Laenor's feelings on the matter, and I think in some ways it's easy to not consider his feelings at all. Or to simply consider him some hapless victim, forced into a marriage he didn't want and then equally forced to acknowledge children that weren't his. What I think back to is how when Rhaenyra bestowed her favor on Harwin Strong, Laenor laughed and did the same thing with Joffrey Lonmouth. This is framed as a scandalous little moment in universe, but I feel like it symbolizes how Rhaenyra and Laenor are on the same level with each other. They don't want to be married to each other, they certainly aren't romantically or sexually interested in each other. And strangely... this unites them (will get to that in a little bit).

Laenor remained at High Tide after the wedding while Rhaenyra remained at court (and later Dragonstone, after the situation with Alicent became worse). Certainly I think Laenor had very valid obvious reasons to not want to be at court what with Criston Cole being named the queens protector after killing Joffrey Lonmouth. But again there’s something interesting here where there’s a parallel/understanding with his wife in how they act apart from each other. He takes up with Qarl Correy and Rhaenyra takes up with Harwin Strong. When Rhaenyra starts giving birth to brown haired children, Laenor raises no issue and in fact seems very happy with these children, given how badly he wishes to name one of them Joffrey. Notice too that he's overruled in naming them Joffrey by Corlys, not by Rhaenyra who also seems to love her children fiercely.

I think what I'm getting at in this, is that you could interpret Rhaenyra and Laenor's actions, not as those of a couple who hated each other, but as those of a couple who were actually very united in their goals. Look at it this way, their marriage is arranged by both of their fathers. Rhaenyra is strong armed into the marriage, Laenor is at the very least indifferent to it, though he may have been forced into it as well. Despite both fathers seeming somewhat indulgent, this is a marriage arranged expressly for the benefit/ambition of Viserys and Corlys and their political ambitions, not for the personal comfort of their children. Afterwards, both children remain within their respective fathers homes (under their power) and they carry on affairs under their father's noses, in a way that seems to flout and disrespect the marriage their fathers worked so hard to set up. Point being, there's an interesting lens where Rhaenyra and Laenor living apart and carrying on affairs is actually a mutual "cuckolding" of their fathers rather than each other. Viserys and Corlys express ownership over their children's sexuality by forcibly marrying them, Rhaenrya and Laenor express their agency by taking back ownership of that sexuality and in doing so, actually have a very happy marriage. See again Rhaenyra not only having children with Harwin Strong, but Laenor attempting to name them Joffrey... we're talking about Jacaerys and Lucerys, the future heirs to the Irone Throne and Driftmark. Again, there is this subtle push-pull for control, not between Rhaenrya and Laenor but between Rhaenyra/Laenor and Viserys/Corlys.

To be clear, none of this is saying Viserys and Corlys were just these evil monsters who actually hated their children and only used them for politicking. They were clearly portrayed as men of their time (TM) doing of their time (TM) things. They honestly both appear relatively indulgent, considering they pretty much fall in line with the state of Laenor and Rhaenyra's marriage after the fact. Viserys is certainly very proud of Rhaenyra's children ("one day this will be your seat lad") and Corlys... as much as giving them Velaryon names is a sign of control, it can also be viewed as a sign of pride and he does acquiesce to the third child being named Joffrey. In fact, I think you could argue that this flouting of societal norms could only be done by children who, though strong armed by their fathers in one thing, were ultimately reassured of their position and their fathers love.

[gnomewithalaptop]

Rereading the Our Worlds at War tie-in again and God I miss their friendship every day

[bellezzamortale]

this is the emotional equivalent to a nuke being dropped precisely on my head

[please-let-this-work-oh-my-god]

One thing I find very interesting, as a learner of German, is Isolde's usage of du when speaking to Kakania. In German, there are three main second person pronouns: du, ihr and Sie. The first two are mainly used in informal and casual settings or when talking to people you're close with (with du being singular and ihr being plural sorta similar to english's y'all) while Sie is used in more formal situations (or situations which require some form of formality) such as talking to strangers, customer service or when you're talking to a doctor/patient. Kakania abides by this and uses Sie when talking to Isolde (such as in her speech at the end of chapter 6) but interestingly, Isolde doesn't reciprocate this and instead uses du when conversing with Kakania in German.

This is super fascinating to me because it implies different levels of closeness within their relationship. Isolde's usage of du implies a level of closeness and intimacy to Kakania as Isolde herself saw Kakania as a close friend (most likely due to the fact that Kakania was once of the few people in Vienna who actually sympathized with her and saw her as a human being) but Kakania's siezen suggests a certain level of estrangement or distance between her and Isolde. Of course. this could just be her maintaining her professionalism as doctors normally use Sie when talking to patients but with how things turned out after chapters 6 and 7, I'd like to think this goes deeper than just formality standards.