#i feel like this is such a common experience for queer folks too

[lesbianutena]

one thing i am so grateful for in utena is that it refuses to demonize gender nonconformity or butchness… so many stories with a character like utena would present her wearing the rose bride gown at the end as a Positive Good because “Let Women Be Feminine!!!! and wear dresses and makeup and skirts!!!!!! #girlboss!!! 👛👗🎀🛍💄”

it is rare to find media that includes masculine women/gnc people to begin with, but it feels like stories which present our existence with any nuance beyond “just a phase” or “toxic masculinity” or “man hater” are all but nonexistent.

and yet the first arc culminates in utena trying to conform, trying to be normal, trying to be feminine — not because some teacher dress-coded her with a written rulebook, not because she realized that her gender-nonconformity was ~a phase~, but because she was manipulated in a much subtler and damaging way. she was told over and over again that she could never be good enough as a “prince”, that she could never have agency or fall in love with a woman or try to protect the people she cares about, because she’s a “girl”. and that arc resolves thanks so much to the love of other queer women: wakaba loves her enough to call her out when in any other story she would be giving her the “makeover”. juri gives utena her sword from one gnc person to another when in any other story she’d be the mean bullying lesbian who’s #notlikeothergirls. and instead of becoming the image of a good straight gender conforming woman, utena uses that queer love to reclaim her true self.

i love utena because she’s not a good, palatable gnc person. she’s not the palatable tomboy that’s gender-conforming in every way that matters and especially not a Gross Yucky Lesbian. she presents masculine. she acts in ways that are scolded (and admired!) for being too “boyish”. utena self-refers using masculine pronouns. she’s called “girl-boy” in a way that felt very true to my own experience growing up. she wants to be a prince, not a princess, and eventually she abandons those gender roles completely. she falls in love with a woman and loves her enough choose her, and enough for her to save herself. i just love utena.

[genderqueerdykes]

i've seen loads of aromantic people express feeling wrong about themselves for identifying as aro but not wanting to be in any type of partnering relationship whatsoever, like queerplatonic relationships. i feel like when folks did their best to chase aro and ace people out of the queer community, a lot of common discussions and rhetoric about our experiences became lost which is extremely unfortunate

while aromantic people who date, and aromantic people who get into other types of close relationships are normal, it is an extremely common aromantic experience to not want to have any types of close relationships aside from friendship applied to themselves. this is very common to the aromantic experience. whether or not an aromantic person enjoys dating is up to them, but I just felt it was necessary to point out that many don't and that's normal and alright, too

[drdemonprince]

I read your newsletter about "transmisandry" today. I'm a trans man and I generally agree with what you said. However, I was wondering how you would classify a particular experience of mine and other trans men I know irl or have seen online.

In short, I find that in some queer spaces, masculine and/or "binary" (meaning, not non-binary) trans men are treated as outsiders and enemies. I imagine some straight-passing queer cis men experience similar.

This prejudice against masculinity has nothing to do with us being trans, and is in no way oppressive, but it seems to me that some people have a hatred/disgust/discomfort/etc. with masculine men, especially if we are proud of our manhood. I sometimes feel excluded in queer or progressive spaces, and like I have to change myself to fit into others' idea of "acceptable" manhood.

I think this tends to emotionally affect trans men in particular because being a man is generally hard-won and joyful for us. Have you experienced prejudice in queer spaces, especially trans spaces, for being transmasculine? And while I don't believe there exists systemic misandry, is this not a form of misandry, just interpersonal?

Thanks, I really appreciate your work.

Hi there, thank you for great question. What you are describing is certainly a very real and troubling dynamic within both queer and feminist spaces, and it's put me off for a very long time. I have sometimes referred to this as "playful 'misandry' feminism", always with "misandry" in quotes because, as we've already established, it's not a real locus of systemic oppression. I have also sometimes in the past likened it to "Men's Tears Coffee Mug" feminism in its performative, self-congratulatory, typically white feminist stance.*

*in the Koa Beck sense of the term. Someone who is not white can be a white feminist.

I was always put off by performative man-hating jokes and the exclusion of men within feminist spaces because, well, I was one, and because it nearly always played out in transmisogynistic ways that were transparent to me, and because I was a major ride-or-die for men who were victims of sexual violence yet were frequently excluded from survivors' spaces (again, because I was one, even before I realized that I was).

There are a lot of troubling effects that happen when feminist women make a big performance out of finding all men to be disgusting and evil and frequently express disinterest in men's feelings or suffering (which used to be way more common in my estimation, around the early 2010's or so it seemed to peak). I was driven away from feminist spaces as a young closeted trans man because I could see such spaces were not for me or for any of the other men that I cared about and needed support. On the inverse side of things, I have spoken to many trans men who said that "playful "misandry"" feminism actively made it harder for them to realize that they were guys. Men were seen as the enemy and inherently evil and destructive and so they felt absolutely disgusting about the possibility of being a man, or feared transitioning would get them seen as a betrayer of the feminist movement.

As you rightly note, it is not just trans guys who get excluded by such dynamics. Cis men who are genuinely avowed feminists can be driven away by such forces, which is especially upsetting in the case of sexual assault survivors and queer men. Trans women and TMA enbies are excluded from feminist and women's spaces because they supposedly "look like" men to these types, and their own feelings of superficial safety rank above the actual data on who is the most at risk structurally (which is trans women). Butches are regarded in some spaces as too aggressive or unacceptably masculine because of it. And people's analysis of gender oppression just overall sucks when they buy into "playful misandry" style feminism because they go around saying shit like "femme people are oppressed by masc folks." what the hell does that mean. Does a cis, gender conforming feminine woman have less structural power than a butch lesbian? I don't think so.

It seems to me that the big problem here is that "playful misandry" feminism is rooted in a deep deep misunderstanding of the structural nature of oppression. Sexism isn't caused by patriarchy and capitalism, it's caused by "men" and so hating men and excluding them is what will fix things. Men as individuals are responsible for sexism and so women should be as detached from them and unsupportive of them as possible. This logic leads to a TERFy place really quickly, and yes, it also really really damages trans men.

My opinion is that it's best to critique this problem as the political failure that it is: a misunderstanding of sexism as individualistic rather than systemic. That's the core issue from which all the problems flow -- from rampant transmisogyny to the exclusion of cis male sexual assault survivors to the feelings of alienation of trans men. Yes sometimes naming the performative nature of "man hating" jokes and the like is helpful because people recognize instantly what that dynamic is when they hear it. But the "misandry" itself is not the core problem -- it's the shitty gender politics and white feminism.

Does that make sense? To be clear, I think it's something trans men get to talk about. I talk about it from my positionality quite a lot really. I don't think "misandry" is ultimately the helpful or clarifying way to name it, but I will sometimes throw around that term with a TON of qualifiers if I'm discussing the specific interpersonal dynamic of women saying that men are evil rapists innately or whatever. But really discussing the broader gender politics failure that leads to those little shitty comments and looks is almost always more helpful. If trans guys and cis guys are feeling excluded from a space due to these dynamics it's almost always the case that trans women, TMA enbies, butch women, and lots of women of color are too.

[olderthannetfic]

Daily accs have ruined the fandom experience.

Fandom is just generally so boring and I'm speaking as someone who's queer, ND, disabled, and POC. "Headcanons" now lack flavors. Headcanons now are limited to just making the characters non-white, cis, straight, neurotypical, and abled. Where's the plot? The elaboration? And I don't just mean "I hc him as autistic and he has alexithymia."

As someone who's autistic and alexithymic there are lots of experiences that come from being alexithymic that no one person who's alexithymic experiences the same way even when there are common traits. In fact, most of the time I don't use the medical terms and just describe the character having these traits AND THEN describe how it's relevant to the plot bunny and maybe even use canon sources to elaborate why I think this character can be or is [identity]-coded. I don't just make posts generating various labels everyday or every HOUR: "this character is [x]." and call it a day.

Not to mention lots of people are saying these HCs are the only acceptable kind of HCs because the others are problematic or harmful. They always put it in the bio, "no harmful or problematic HC," "proshipper DNI", "no [link to a card with a list of headcanons lots of people are doing].

There are open antis who are constantly making "reminders" or "hot takes", and there are covert antis who act as if they are making "content" but they are literally just spamming posts like the one I told above and attacking people in the comment section or up-ing other people's call-out posts by engaging or reposting. Antis have been creating an environment where even wanting to Headcanon is scary. It also conditioned people to like only these types of HCs and I would've been elated for some rep a few years ago but the lack of nuance is just irritating and disappointing. Ironically, I can not relate with any of these headcanons because homophobia (which was a popular tag on AO3 because it's relatable to a lot of queer folks like me) is problematic (literally had someone tell me about an AO3 tag statistics, "homophobia shouldn't be a popular tag). The lack of media literacy has people saying making an x trope is endorsing.

I keep finding anon fics or private fics on AO3, going into fandoms where people are more comfortable sharing fics thru discord servers, DMs, linked write/as posts, because my ships keep getting harassed or scrutinized by antis (even when they are not minors, don't have age gaps, incest, or are rivals), and I keep seeing more and more people say they are discouraged to engage in fandom activity at all.

Somehow this is familiar as a queer person who was in the closet and had to hide all my poetry because ofc my own people (I assume they are mostly queer like me too cuz a lot of them identify as one and put it in their bio) makes me feel unsafe LOL/sarcasm

--

[velvetvexations]

Oh btw about predatorjacketing and kinkshaming trans people;

This is generally going on among modern fandoms and among young queer and trans adults outside of just transfems.

I've seen plenty of non-transfeminine nonbinary and transmasculine folk get hunted down and harassed over cartoon porn they draw. I don't know in detail if it's more frequent or violent towards transfeminine folk (it could be, - given how mainstream transmisogyny relates to the gay or gnc men as predators myth).

I'm transmasc and I don't have a NSFW art platform at all because I'm THAT scared of people finding it, associating it with my mains and then slandering me over it. I can not find community around my kinks etc. because I feel unsafe to discuss that with the vast majority of people. And yes, my transness is a factor. I always feel that it if I was a feminine cis woman I would be seen as cute and innocent. I have a very deep instinctive feeling that my transness to many people represents a sexual threat and that it's easier to demonize me over kinks bcs I stick out too much etc.

Even in a women's changing room I feel that my masculinity is in this stark direct contrast with most people I share that space with, - that I have to be really careful of how I move, where I look and how I come across. I have felt for my whole life, even when being a fem presenting teen, that I am clocked as a boy thing that doesn't belong there. Now on T, with boobs... I also have to avoid talking in those changing rooms. In the company of really fem presenting cis women I feel socially and culturally hypersexualized for my deviant masculinity, for being an apparent dyke in the midst of women. I have cptsd from being around feminine people because of how othered I am + some experiences of being subtly ruled out of the Girls TM club.

Being a sexual being with my kinds of sexual interests while having this experience as a transmasculine person is something quite vulnerable and difficult to fully become confident in and love oneself about. I think transandrophobia and transmisogyny have that whole "you're a predatory impostor among women" thing and "you emasculate straight cis men by existing" thing in common... Just from a slightly diff. angle but there's so much similiarity.

A lot of the chronic policing between transmasc people over kink and sexuality is actually a result of internalizing the idea that we are dirty masculine predators. There is a high social pressure to be cute, feminized, sanitized and say "PROSHIT DNI >:/" because transmascs have an instinctive self-awareness of how we're easily thrown to the wolves when our gender-nonconformity or sexuality is no longer cute and Christian Values Friendly enough.

Being terrified to death about some kind of predatorjacketing over writing fanfic or drawing weird cartoon porn isn't exclusive to transfems. Any transmasc person encaging in fandom or any online art subcultures is waaayyy too intimately aware of this fact 24/7.

Oh and? Transmasc people with feminine partners who are tops / encage in some kind of roleplay where they're in the 'aggressing' role are extremely stigmatized too. I see people instantly write this off as toxic masculinity or inherently gross because a transmasc does it.

A lot of transmascs (speaking from experience) who actually prefer these "scary" roles in fantasy etc., feel social pressure to over-emphasize how bottom uwu sluts we are. I've recently stopped doing this because I realized it makes me dysphoric + I only do it to make my sexuality more palatable to other people. And I see so many transmascs as like... Having to reduce themselves to these cute slut boytoys. While I fully believe this is the authenthic preference of many of them, I think as a transmasc there is a strong social pressure to be /that way/ because being seen as Gross Threatening Men is like a social death sentence.

(there's a lot of good discussion about everything on this blog btw and I love to read it. I just wanted to add 2 cents to the anti kink vs trans people discussion.)

I don't think there's any difference literally at all between how transfem and transmasc sexuality is "handled" by the internet. People have it in their head that everything is an exact 1-1 of everything else so the fact that a trans woman is more likely to be visibly tagged as a pervert just for walking down the street (transmasc members of Velvet Nation please let me know if that's inaccurate) gets transferred to the internet as though everyone treats trans men who have being trans in their bio as the first thing everyone sees as cis men.

At most TERFs might report trans women more often and I don't want to downplay the seriousness of that but get fucking real if one doesn't think trans men aren't under constant scrutiny.

[alpaca-clouds]

Heteronormativity and (Fan)Fiction

Let me talk about something, that I am thinking a lot about right now. And that is heteronormativity and how fiction interacts with it - especially romantic fiction. Mostly, because I think there are a few parts that do not get spoken about quite as much as other things.

While reading some fanfictions - and some indie published smut - I did realize one thing: A lot of femdom straight romance actually feels a lot more queer than some fiction featuring gay romances. Doubly so when it comes to m/m fiction. Triply so m/m fiction written by women.

There has been a lot of talk within the queer community about heteronormativity and how it impacts us. Because, yes, a lot of us are drawn into comphet at some point, being pressured to get into a straight relationship to be "normal".

But it is of course something else, too.

See, while I was in the hospital earlier this year, I shared a room with an older gay man. An old, gay, white man, who was married to his partner. And obviously in his eyes, the queer rights movement had already reached everything that was to reach, because he could marry his partner - and was allowed to fuck around. And he did not quite see that the experience of him a cis, white man working in a business field that is fairly high regarded and somewhat well paid, was maybe not representative for everyone else.

And that is obviously the big thing here: White homosexual couples, who are at least middle class, and at least pass as having a monogamous relationship will be a lot easier accepted. This goes doubly so, when in their relationship they at least appear to pass for the "heterosexual roles". That is: A more male partner, and a more femine one. Be it the butch and femme lesbian couple, or the bear and twink gay couple.

This does reflect in fiction, too. And it leads to a lot of gay fiction kinda mirroring this.

Look, folks. I don't think there is a big issue in general with women writing m/m slash stuff. But I do think there is some issue when those m/m slash stories get written basically as a straight story with very clear straight roles. With one man being the clear "woman", who will more likely end up as the damsel in distress, who will more likely be the caring one, the one who might in a fantasy setting take up the healer role, and if there is sex will be the bottom. And mind you, will always be the bottom, because switches often do not exist in those stories.

Ironically this is a bit less common with femslash, which does feature a lot less butch/femme ships than one would assume. While yes, those do exist, there is way more femme/femme stuff around, though butch4butch exists as well.

Though this might also be based on the fact that femslash more often than not gets written by women as well - who might just project the kind of female character they identify with into their fiction.

Ironically - and here is where we loop back to the femdom - it even loops back into straight romantic fiction. Because yes, normally femdom romance fiction is very, very rare and often only get published indie.

It shows even stronger in fanfictions, though. Because in fanfiction we will see those rare examples were a male character might be a lot softer, feminine and submissive, will actually be once more pushed into the strong male role of the kinda toxic protector.

I noticed this a lot in terms of how Hector/Lenore is written in the fandom. Sure, there are some other femdom stories with them. But most of the time, Lenore just loops back to being the damsel, while Hector steps up to be the protector. Even though that is kinda the opposite of what we see in canon.

It also is the reason why I dislike seeing Astarion with female Tavs/Durges so much. Because Astarion is very much a twink and a bottom. He wants to be the one who gets protected by someone else and such things. But in a lot of m/f stuff I see with him, he just takes up once more just the classical male love interest role. Which I find boring.

And sure. Like, everyone can write what they can. I am not saying you can't. I will not read it, but it is totally fine for people to write it.

I just want to note that it is definitely rooted in patriarchal gender roles - and heteronormativity. And I find that really, really, really icky.

There is also the fact, again, that I am really not a big fan of the whome "Top and Bottom in male gay stories are permanently assigned roles, that do not only assign a sex position, but also a sort of pseudo-genderole". And yes, there are more than enough gays (especially those who self-identify as tops), who still want to cling to that idea. Because it is more in line with the rest of society. And because in their heads, too, there is this idea that the penetrated partner in sex should be more submissive.

It still gets to me that so much fiction and fanfiction keeps this kinda stuff up. I mean, queer stuff is the place to let go of patriarchal norms and genderroles and still, people... somehow don't?

The two ships where this irks me the most right now is Trevorcard (Trevor/Alucard) and Mizrox (Mizrak/Olrox) in Castlevania. Where most people just go: Trevor and Mizrak are the tops - and Alucards and Olrox are respectively the bottom.

And, let's face it. This originates that to a western eye Alucard and Olrox read more feminine due to their long hair.

Now, wihen it comes to Alucard I find it mostly annoying. But when it comes to Olrox? Well, I cannot help but think: "It's a bit racist, right?"

Because the fact is, that reading Olrox as "more feminine" because of his long hair is just pushing western ideas onto an indigenous character. But to him, of course, that long hair is a very masculine trait. So, yeah... I just cannot help but feel that folks really project a lot of shitty stuff onto a shipping.

In the end... I really just wished that fiction - original and fanfiction alike - would go more an explore genderoles and relationship dynamics outside of heteronormativity. Because this kinda stuff it shitty, and does a lot more harm than good.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

See, here's the thing, I am onboard with SolarxMoon. Their dynamic is the cutest within the Tsams/Tlaes that I have enjoyed. What I am not onboard, as an AroAce, is when you and your friends use your A-specs cards as some sort of gotcha. Yes, some A-specs can date either romantically or qpr, and they are used against us A-specs that are romance/sex-repulsed as some sort of invalidation of who we are. We are all too familiar with: "Well, this A-specs person dates. What's stopping you? You have no excuse." and "I like shipping and I'm A-specs, so..."

You and your friends got to understand why the way you worded things made you three seem aphobic to your own community. Adding on, celebrating that Moon is now questioning was another questionable move on your guys' part. A lot of A-specs Tsams fans found comfort in him being AroAce and being the representation for a group who has little to no representation at all in any sort of media. Imagine how it felt seeing people of your own community being happy that the one thing we had as a community is now being erased.

Just because you're part of the minority group doesn't mean you can't be -phobic to that very same group. Tons upon tons of LGBTQA+ infighting has proven this.

Okay.

I tried to go to bed.

But I couldn't after I got this message.

It got me really tossing and turning and thinking, truthfully.

So, maybe I haven't made myself clear in my initial posts.

But I am not saying or using A-spec cards as a "gotcha"

That is not my intention so let me make it abundantly clear what I am trying to say.

Solar and Moon are not real.

Even if Moon was ace, I would ship them Queerplatonically, and I still do right now.

I believe limiting characters on how they can be shipped is Acephobic. Because you are limiting options and narrowing the box of what the ace spectrum can be.

My experiences are not others experiences.

The reason why I personally was excited about Moon being questioning, is because my sexuality is very fluid.

I have identified as Bisexual, Queer, Dyke, Questioning, Demisexual, Grey and Fag.

As of now, I am experimenting with the term aroace and it seems to fit me for now. Will I change it in a few years? Perhaps. I'm not even sure on how much aroace I am. Probably more demi or grey spectrum.

But a fictional character, expressing need to change their sexual orientation because of differing circumstances, means a great deal to me. Because back then, folks thought 'the gays' we're just all 'born this way' or there is something wrong with us.

That if you were gay or ace or lesbian you were born that way and it's concrete and nothing you can do or say will say that.

Unless they literally beat or fucked it out of you. Which is just awful btw.

Nowadays, people experimenting with sexuality and labels is far more common.

To see it in characters in a silly little youtube show like Moon, and Lunar makes me really happy.

It tells me "yes you can change your mind. You can be whatever you want to be."

So when I say "I am on the ace spectrum and I ship this"

What I actually mean is:

"They are fictional characters and you are flexible to portray them in any level of ace that you want that you personally identify with. Because they are not real. They can be whatever level of ace you want."

I am allowing every single ace to express Moon at the level of aceness they feel comfortable with. Because he is not real. Where he lies on the spectrum is entirely up to you. Your fanart. Your fanworks.

Now. Did you need all my sexual identity history to know that.

Probably not.

But I had to let this all out here. Because I'm tired.

If this makes me Acephobic by saying that sexuality is flexible and labels can be changed and so can levels of the spectrum with experience.....

Then...

I don't know man.

I'm tired.

[thedreadvampy]

that post I rbed about cultures is so full of white Americans in the notes going But How Culture If Bad which like

it's a really good example of a certain mindset in Tumblr Discourse which is like uhhhh

how to explain it

taking a very common and understandable yearning for clarity and stability and surety. and assuming that everybody ELSE has that and ONLY YOU don't.

like in this example. the mindset seems to be. "I don't have a culture which I find rich, rewarding and exciting. I find the cultures other people were raised in look rich, rewarding and exciting. Therefore Having A Culture means having an uncomplicated positive relationship to a culture that enriches and rewards you, therefore I Don't Have A Culture and it's Not Fair."

when in fact. nobody has an entirely uncomplicatedly positive relationship with their culture. most of us have blind spots about what our culture is and take it for granted. most of us are reacting against aspects of our culture and want them to change. most of us feel unmoored and uncertain.

anyway it reminds me of a thing that always bugs me in queer discourse where a lot of folks seem to be under the impression that they're Uniquely Conflicted About Their Identity. like eg how imo a lot of 2010s ace discourse boiled down to "as aspec people we are the Only People To Experience Complex Relationships To Sex" you know?

basically there seems to be this consistent idea that if you had the Thing, your life would be simple and understandable and uncomplicated. and since it isn't, you must be being uniquely deprived. and that's how this "Americans Have No Culture" shit is raging too me tbh.

[vampstel]

Hi! Welcome to my blog ໒꒰ ˃ ᵕ ˂ ꒱১ ₊˚⊹ ☆

Warning!! This pinned post is extremely lengthy but important to read if you’re specific about DNI and BYF lists. I heavily suggest reading everything before you freely interact with this page. Thank you in advance!

♡ About Me ♡

My name’s Nikolai and I have a variety of nicknames you can call me. The most common ones being:

Nick

Niko

V

Kai

I go by He/They pronouns and you can use one set to refer to me or use both interchangeably. I don’t mind either way! I prefer masculine and androgynous terms and am strictly against most feminine labels and sexual/romantic descriptors.

If you’d like the specifics, I have a pronouns page that lists all the words I’m comfy/uncomfy with. I also have a linkt.ree with all my social media accounts.

I am a Filipino-British artist, writer, and content creator that (currently) lives in the UK! I am chronically ill and have AuDHD as well as general anxiety, making it hard for me to post or do things consistently.

I’m constelic, meaning I (unintentionally) hoard identities and heavily relate with/identify with certain things such as bunnies, dolls, plushies, and vampires!! ໒꒰ྀི˶ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ˶ ꒱ྀི১ ˖⁺‧₊˚

These are all the flags I use to represent my identity:

♡ Loves ♡

My OCs, dolls, plushies, Bendy and the Ink Machine, indie horror in general, Cookie Run, anime, HermitCraft, and more ໒꒰ྀི ˃ ᵕ ˂ ꒱ྀི১

If you ever wanna ask me about my interests or talk to me about them, feel free to do so in my inbox! I love talking about things I’m passionate about and I also enjoy hearing people talk about their interests

♡ Hates ♡

Small talk, flashing lights, loud and sudden noises, being interrupted, and tons of food and fabric textures ໒꒰ྀི˃ ⌑ ˂ഃ ꒱ྀི১

(Also most of the people listed below in my DNI criteria but shhhh we don’t talk about that. Kinda…)

♡ Before You Follow ♡

I post very sporadically and I don’t have an upload schedule; sometimes I just disappear for months or spam my socials

There are times where I don’t respond to Tumblr asks or comments. I’m super sorry about that!

I cuss a lot and sometimes make sexual or unsavory jokes. I suggest only 16+ folks follow me

I use queer labels that can be considered problematic(?) by some. Such as bara, bear, twink, femboy, etc. If that makes you uncomfortable, don’t interact with me and don’t make a fuss about it because I won’t stop using them

My art has heavy queer themes and I often draw gender-nonconforming people that may cause dysphoria for some

I sometimes draw lingerie or artistic nudity that some people may find suggestive. I also draw revealing outfits that can be suggestive as well. Thus, I once again suggest only 16+ folks follow me (or people who aren’t sensitive to such media in general, since I know adults can be uncomfy as well)

There are times where I vent and rant, but I don’t overshare too much and I usually delete these posts after I’m fine

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If you complain about any of the above, you’ll get an instant block from me. Curate your experience online and mute/block people you dislike. Don’t come into peoples spaces whining for them to change especially here on Tumblr. Thank you!

That being said: I will be tagging anything suggestive with #cw: suggestive just to make things easier!!

♡ Do Not Follow/Interact If ♡

You’re a bigot (racist, queerphobic, ableist, etc. this one should be obvious)

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You fakeclaim other people and are against self-diagnosis

You think alterhuman, otherkin, or otherhearted identities aren’t valid or think they’re ‘weird’

You’re very discourse heavy and purposely pick fights with the intention to tear people down rather than help them improve

You support the Dream Team (I heavily dislike them and I don’t want to associate with their fans)

You support Astro Renaissance or are heavily tied to the Royale High community (both fandoms make me uncomfortable due to the treatment I’ve received from them in the past)

You dislike my content, my interests, or anything that has to do with me (AKA: do yourself a favor and block me if you detest me)

P.S: LGBT related discourse makes me uncomfortable, especially the exclusionary kind. Please do not rope me into those discussions or I’ll be forced to block you. I support any and all identities so long as they’re in good faith. This is a safe space and I won’t judge if your identity is complicated.

If you make man hating comments or are proud of being a man hater (whether seriously or not), I will most likely avoid you and block you. Those jokes make me extremely uncomfortable as a trans guy and I’ve had terrible experiences with people who’ve made such jokes.

I do not have any strong opinions on proship discourse. I am neither an ‘anti’ or a ‘proshipper’ but I do find lots (but not all) dead dove content to be extremely uncomfortable so I may block those who create such things. Please do not rope me into this discussion either or I’ll block you. Don’t try and label me as some sort of freak for this because I’m not. If you harass anyone over this discussion, I’ll also block you no matter what side you’re on.

My specific fandom DNI criterias can’t be changed. If you support anything I’m uncomfortable with, I have to block you for my own sake. I mean no harm and don’t want to cause any offense so please take this lightheartedly. However, Royale High specifically can be flexible and I do find a few of their players alright so long as they aren’t overly negative or bring up drama about the game to me.

Overall, just be chill. Respect my boundaries and I’ll respect yours ૮꒰ྀི⊃´ ꒳ `⊂ྀི꒱ა

♡ Blog Navigation ♡

#꒰ v’s art ꒱ → features all my finished art

#꒰ v’s wips ꒱ → features works in progress as well as unfinished sketches and doodles

#꒰ v’s rambling ꒱ → general talk tag where I discuss anything

#꒰ v’s answered asks ꒱ → where all my answered asks are

I have other minor tags indicating what topics and characters I’m talking about. There’s a lot of them though so it’s hard to list them down. I also have an exclusive tag for fanart!! You can check that and my main tags out below

[genderqueerdykes]

Im nonbinary and i feel ashamed of being amab.

Even ignoring dysphoria, the expectations of being a guy as well as being too scared to...well do anything that might affirm me is really getting to me, especially as it feels like afab nonbinary people are far more common and im left feeling isolated (made even worse by any gender envy i get only coming from them so i feel like i never will be happy with my gender because of my agab).

how do i deal with this?

hello there! Thanks for taking the time to stop by!

i wanted to say from the bottom of my heart that i am sorry that people have made you feel this way, because it's not just you having those feelings. people have made it difficult for amab nonbinary people to have a voice and a place to speak for themselves due to a lot of bullshit. i understand feeling isolated, it's hard to network with other people like yourself when you constantly feel pushed out of every space you try to occupy

the fact that a lot of people think that being nonbinary is just a thing that afab people do or a "weird girl thing" is frustrating, it sucks because you really do encounter it. it's not true though- given the absolutely massive amount of amab nonbinary people i've met both online and in person, it's not that amab nonbinary people don't exist, it's just that no one will give you room to speak and that is bullshit

i would recommend trying to see if there are any transfem support groups in your area as that would probably be the highest concentration of people who are the likeliest to understand your situation. you can also look out for nonbinary support groups, but i totally understand your apprehension. it helps to try to start with people who are the most likely to get you. i would honestly also recommend just taking up space in whatever queer communities you find if you can. it's hard, but you do deserve a chance to take up that space and it may help someone else feel less alone in the process

you are just as nonbinary as any person of any other agab. your agab is your dearest secret and nobody has the right to exile you from any queer spaces based off of that. your agab means nothing about your intentions, personality, or anything- your agab is just some organs and reproductive health systems. whether or not you have that body from birth or because of hormones and surgery is nobody's business

you have the right to talk about the nonbinary experience and how unique it is to your agab, especially. remind yourself that anyone outside of that experience doesn't know what it's like. i don't know what it's like, because i'm not amab. those people are not the expert on what it's like to live this life. you are. let yourself be that expert. let yourself be judge

there are a million ways to be trans and no agab owns nonbinaryhood. common public conceptions of identities and concepts are often heavily biased and skewed. in time as we see folks become braver, people will begin to understand that amab people are just as likely to identify as nonbinary as anyone else. trust me, i have met so many. you are not alone by any stretch of the imagination

you are also welcome to join my discord server, if you're not already in it! it's not a solution to having irl community, but having an online support group can help a lot!

there's no reason to be ashamed, you are a beautiful individual with an identity that is just as incredible. i hope your shame can turn to pride, you have an experience that is worth blessing the world with. take care of yourself for now. do the best you can to remind yourself that you are defining the trans experience just by existing. other people can talk shit all they want, but you know who you are. keep your chin up, you're awesome. have a great week

[omgcatboi]

hi, sorry I have a question - will trans feedees who've gotten breast reductions but not top surgery be excluded just like post-op trans feedees?

Hmm... Let me think on that. That's a gray area I haven't considered yet. The point of the master list is to fight the idea that trans people need surgeries to be validated. Because us pre op trans folk are ALWAYS pushed aside for post op folk. And its not the fault of post op folk, its because we live in a shitty world where people don't think you're a guy worth giving representation to if you've got G cups.

Though , a reduction is somewhere in the middle. I think it depends on your body type itself. Because the whole reason I'm even doin this thing is to give more diverse bodies the limelight they deserve. I'm tired of all the fuckin trans men in " inclusive" art having top scars. Bc that's not even realistic for the common ftm in the south. People don't realize how IMPOSSIBLE it is to access 10,000$ plus follow up fees when you are poor in the south ( NO insurance here covers these procedures for gender affirmation. Privilege white queers who never had to wonder if they'll be able to afford to eat for the next 3 days do NOT interact with this post bc u don't know anything Abt the POOR trans experience.)

like, my hrt provider ( who has done more for the trans community than I've seen any other provider do. This woman has MEETINGS WITH THE WHITEHOUSE!!! to fight for our rights. This woman MEETS WITH SENATORS to fight for our rights. Bless her and may she live forever. ) had to sit me down bc I was in crisis. I was in crisis bc every single time I saw a trans man being represented, he had top scars. Because everytime someone dmed me in a dating app,it was to ask if I got " the surgery." It was because I couldn't find any transmasc that looked like me that was desired by anyone. And it made me feel unseen. It made me feel like I was alone,the ugly duck no one wanted bc I didn't have over 10,000$ to drop on surgery that, in the end, I realize I don't even want! She had to sit me down and explain that MOST transmascs will NEVER realistically afford top surgery. And she was explaining that I didn't need it to be valid. She alone talked me through my crisis and walked with me to the light at the end of the tunnel. ( Bless you, Stacie. Even tho ik you won't see this. )

THAT is why I made the master post. ( And why i even have this blog w my tits out to begin with. )

So it just depends! If you feel you lack representation, then I will absolutely add you to the list too!! Everyone deserves to feel seen! NO ONE deserves to feel the way I felt.

[aroallo-culture-is]

I’m acespec but in an almost allo way and it’s complicated. I feel gross for not being fully ace. I think i might be omnisexual heteroromantic too, which means im only not straight if we’re talking about who I might want to have sex with but im not actually turned on by people at all it’s the sex I find attractive. It’s so complicated.

I get you. Sexuality is a very messy area, especially when getting into attraction versus action, and this can result in a lot of complication when choosing identity labels – especially those on a spectrum, which are often seen in association with one or both extremes (in this case, acespec labels are often seen in association with what we'll call full asexuality, and not as their own terms and sexualities with their own places on this spectrum between no attraction and all the attraction). Unfortunately, feeling bad for not fitting perfectly into how your sexuality label is understood is a common experience. But on the bright side, you're not alone in having a complicated sexuality! It's not gross to be acespec but not fully asexual, you're just one of many who have a couple extra layers to your sexuality cake (but, hey, even if it was gross? Us queers and other folk have been making grossness our territory for decades now, so you'll be in pleasant company). Sometimes, sexuality is complicated. That's life, because life is complicated. But life is also neat and fun and can come with surprising treats, and I like to see sexuality the same way. I hope you're able to find a place where you can see it that way, too.

I wish you luck in figuring things out, anon! And I hope the complexity of it all treats you well!

[pancake-breakfast]

I always forget to do stuff for ace awareness days, but I've remembered today, so I'm gonna take a second to talk about some of the struggles I've had being ace, and heteromantic grey-ace in particular.

Erasure: Oh, you want to be in a relationship? Surely you're not really ace, then. You're grey-ace? Sounds like you're just picky. You go for people of the opposite gender from the one you were assigned at birth? Not queer enough. I don't mean to say someone like myself doesn't face fewer problems with their queerness than others; there's no way in hell I deal with the level of shit some of y'all put up with. I "pass," especially when set in US purity culture. But this does not mean I experience sexuality the way most people do, and pretending I do causes all sorts of issues for both me and any partners I might pursue.

Realizing One's Ace-ness to Begin With: To the best of my understanding, this is incredibly common in the ace community. We're told we'll grow into it, that we're just late bloomers, that we haven't found the right person, and for AFAB people, that "women are just less into sex than men." All of this means it's not exactly uncommon for people not to realize they're ace until their mid-20's or later, often after they've been through a few relationships where they allowed things to go past their comfort levels because that's what's expected of someone in a relationship.

Loss of Meaningful "Friendships": I'm sure this happens to everyone to some degree, but it seems particularly cruel that a number of close friendships I've had pretty much evaporate overnight when it finally sinks in to the other person that I will not have sex with them. Usually, I'm completely unaware that all the time we've spent hanging out and chatting and bonding was them trying to build to a sexual relationship in the first place. I thought we were just really good friends and deeply valued what I thought was a platonic relationship only to have a rude awakening when all the times I said, "I'm ace," finally sink in. This is why I usually leave of the "grey" part when describing my asexuality. Anything else usually implies there's more hope to people than there generally is. Of all the "friendships" I've lost this way, the number that have gone on to become something healthy and platonic is... one.

Society isn't Built for Ace Folk: I'm a pretty strong introvert. I like my alone time. I like my space. But it's INCREDIBLY difficult to live on one's own, especially these days. It's not just the expectation that any household needs to pull two full-time incomes to stay afloat. It's the little things. If I'm sick, no one else is around to help keep the place clean or do the groceries or pick up medicine or drive me to the doctor's. A lack of platonic social spaces mean there's no one I can rant to in person about my patio birds or this Cool Thing I found while out and about. Who do I go to when I need a shoulder to cry on or a hug or just not to be alone with my anxiety for a bit? This is not to diminish my in-person friends, but they have their own lives and few of them live close by, so sometimes even when they want to be there, they can't. And if I do reach out to them too much, people are quick to question our relationship. That can interfere with any romantic relationships the friend has, or put either or both of us in an awkward situation. Sometimes, it leads to a closeness that the other person feels, but I don't reciprocate. It is hard to know that your life will always be more difficult because you refuse to take a sexual partner.

One of these days, perhaps I'll write something up about some of the nicer things about being ace, but today, this is what I want to share. May it help those of you who are on the ace spectrum feel a bit more seen and a bit less alone, and may it help those of you who have ace people you care for in your lives understand things a bit better.

[gay-jewish-bucky]

I hate that every character that is described as charming and/or atractive is considered slutty, even if the history of said character said otherwise, like Bucky, he's a nice charming jewish boy, devoted to his Steve, but because he used to dance with girls, everybody assume he's a ladies man, he's just a lovable fruity boy,and people seems to forget about compulsory heterosexuality

I have a LOT of strong feelings about this.

I think a few things contribute to that beyond the characters themselves. One being that I'm on the asexual spectrum, the other being that in my early teen years I had a close friend had to pretend to be straight for his own safety and that left a significant mark on me.

So many people turn Bucky into Tony Stark, when that just isn't who he is at all.

For one, the "ladies' man" persona is solely taken from Arnie Roth and is just that, a persona, a cover. When we first meet him, he talks to Steve about how he never settled down because it never felt right... until he met Michael.

I think another thing people also struggle to acknowledge how sex outside of marriage was viewed in that time, especially the social stigma towards young, unmarried women. This isn't saying people weren't having sex, this is just pre-sexual revolution and pre-modern hook-up culture.

Yes, he was a bachelor deep into his 20s, which is quite late for that ear, but that doesn't mean he was sleeping around. In fact, that was a common experience for gay men who didn't enter a lavender marriage.

There was also a large amount of sociolegal danger tied to people even suspecting you of being queer, thus essentially totally robbing him of his ability to express his sexuality.

Bucky lived in a tiny one room/one bed tenement with another man (a man who didn't fit the standards of masculinity due to his build, health and his choice of studying art, who was very likely the target of homophobic violence) for years, he had to put up a performance of heterosexuality or people would talk.

He didn't have just himself and Steve to worry about (and the already terrifying threat of violence, institutionalization, chemical castration, or imprisonment-to name a few), he had to worry about his family. If anyone ever suspected him of being queer or he was caught (which they would have been if they got together pre-war), they would be ruined too.

Bucky is the kinda guy you can bring home to your folks. He's kind and respectful, he a nerd that reads The Hobbit and attends science fairs, he likes to dance and he spends all of his time with his best friend who he seemingly never goes on a date without.

This isn't to say that inside of his relationship with Steve, through a lot of healing and patience and love, he doesn't monogamously have a healthy and active sex life. The serum enhances a lot of things. But he's a one-person guy, and Steve is it for him.

[confessions-official]

So in 8th grade (22-23 school year) I applied to this local private high school that was very neurodivergent-, disability- and queer-friendly. I got in and I got almost a full ride scholarship, we would have to pay a couple thousand dollars but my dad was getting a pay increase and my grandma has some money so it all worked out!

And then the school fuckin closed.

Deadass they were just like “yeah we lost an investor there’s nothing you can do we know it’s too late to apply to other private schools you’re on your own sorry.” I now attend a public high school where I hear the r slur repeated regularly and only once have I heard someone push back against its use (shoutout to my algebra teacher).

I go to the wikipedia page for my county, city and neighborhood somewhat often. I ended up going to the “education in [city]” part of the city’s page. And it still listed the school as a private high school, right next to other active private high schools.

I had a totally normal response to this, and like a non-spiteful, non-hating bitch created a wholeass wikipedia account to add a comment regarding the school’s closure to the talk about the page. I had never done this before and it took some work but by god I fucking did it.

I’m still really pissed about the school shutting down and I’m probably always going to be pissed about it. Because it was this place that said “we’ll accept you, we want you to succeed” and meant it genuinely, and you could fucking SEE it in the school environment because the kids there were nice. Probably because they had also been treated awfully by students at previous schools for some part of their identity and they didn’t want other people to have the same experience. And then suddenly the school was like “actually, never mind” and really didn’t help at all. Just kinda threw us to the wolves. That’s not going to be able to go on the actual wikipedia page and I know that the school shutting down wasn’t on purpose to make me feel bad about myself but I do kind of feel like that. Not because “ugh I have to go to school with the regular low born common folk” or whatever but I hear the r slur used constantly. Nobody says anything. It’s never brought up. The school will talk about being discrimination free and everybody belongs there, but you know what? I’ve heard people being incredibly racist towards Black people and nobody does shit about that either. So I guess it’s just fuck you no matter what kind of minority group you belong to.

Anyway. People irl don’t seem to understand me but I figure on Tumblr someone will. I’m just very tired.

 

[nothorses]

People's reactions to atheism kinda feel similar to people's reactions to asexuality and aromanticism. "What do you mean you don't have gods/sexual/romantic attraction! Everybody has that! You probably just haven't found the one you vibe with yet".

At least as an ace person who grew up without religion and find that it is not for me, I keep seeing the similarities. People act like my thoughts and ideas about my own life in regards to religion do not matter since I don't have one. I have friends who downright said "of course you should celebrate Christmas, everyone does!". If I had been Jewish or Muslim I doubt they would have said that, but since I am seen as "neutral/not yet converted" they think it's fine to treat me as "Christian lite" even though I'm not christian and have never been. It's very annoying and it's gotten to a point where I am seriously considering converting to forn sed (asatru) just to get them off my back. Although I doubt they'd recognize that, either...

(Obligatory i don't hate religion and I can see what value people get out of it, and from an outside perspective I find it similar to any relationship, aka it could be abusive/hurtful but in general it is a positive experience for the people involved.)

Hey anon I understand where you're coming from, but. I regret to inform you that it is in fact extremely common for people to try to pressure non-Christian theists into celebrating Christmas; Jewish and Muslim people very much included.

I really recommend connecting with and listening to the experiences of Jewish and Muslim folks, because while avoiding making those assumptions in the first place is a good first step, it can be hard to really understand your own blind spots without some real context.

I also point this out because I think this tendency to compare hardships is really damaging, and takes away from the solidarity atheists need to have with minority religions. This isn't a "theists vs. atheists" issue, it's a "dominant religion vs. marginalized beliefs" issue. It's not about the presence or "lack" of beliefs- it's about marginalization and oppression on the basis of belief.

And you're right: we need to be able to see atheism as the presence of a belief (that there is no higher power), which contributes to a unique and valuable worldview just like any religion.

The key here is that we're shifting the conversation away from this Christian-fabricated argument about whether atheism is Right And Good, or Immoral And Bad. Because it doesn't matter, and it's not the basis any other conversation about religion is operating on- any other religion deserves to exist regardless of "accuracy", and atheism- no matter how much we believe it's the most correct- operates the exact same way, and deserves the exact same space.

Just like the a-spec discourse, the divide is artificial. A-specs have unique experiences with oppression, but ultimately the reason for their oppression is the same as any other queer identity: because they're not straight*. And just like them, atheists have some very different experiences from marginalized religions, but ultimately atheism is marginalized for the same reason any marginalized religion is: because we're not Christian.

I think that's a great comparison for another reason, too: a-specs can share intersecting identities (gay ace, pan aro, straight ace, etc.) that do create overlap with experiences unique to those intersecting identities (including straight experiences!); but we argue that straight a-specs ultimately aren't considered straight in the eyes of cisheterosexism, and aren't given the same treatment as them, because any deviation from that established norm is cause for punishment.

*I say "straight" to mean the position of power; identifying as/being straight is one thing, but being treated like you're straight, and afforded that position in oppressive power structures, is a completely different thing.