#i feel like this is such a common experience for queer folks too

[lesbianutena]

one thing i am so grateful for in utena is that it refuses to demonize gender nonconformity or butchness… so many stories with a character like utena would present her wearing the rose bride gown at the end as a Positive Good because “Let Women Be Feminine!!!! and wear dresses and makeup and skirts!!!!!! #girlboss!!! 👛👗🎀🛍💄”

it is rare to find media that includes masculine women/gnc people to begin with, but it feels like stories which present our existence with any nuance beyond “just a phase” or “toxic masculinity” or “man hater” are all but nonexistent.

and yet the first arc culminates in utena trying to conform, trying to be normal, trying to be feminine — not because some teacher dress-coded her with a written rulebook, not because she realized that her gender-nonconformity was ~a phase~, but because she was manipulated in a much subtler and damaging way. she was told over and over again that she could never be good enough as a “prince”, that she could never have agency or fall in love with a woman or try to protect the people she cares about, because she’s a “girl”. and that arc resolves thanks so much to the love of other queer women: wakaba loves her enough to call her out when in any other story she would be giving her the “makeover”. juri gives utena her sword from one gnc person to another when in any other story she’d be the mean bullying lesbian who’s #notlikeothergirls. and instead of becoming the image of a good straight gender conforming woman, utena uses that queer love to reclaim her true self.

i love utena because she’s not a good, palatable gnc person. she’s not the palatable tomboy that’s gender-conforming in every way that matters and especially not a Gross Yucky Lesbian. she presents masculine. she acts in ways that are scolded (and admired!) for being too “boyish”. utena self-refers using masculine pronouns. she’s called “girl-boy” in a way that felt very true to my own experience growing up. she wants to be a prince, not a princess, and eventually she abandons those gender roles completely. she falls in love with a woman and loves her enough choose her, and enough for her to save herself. i just love utena.

[genderqueerdykes]

i've seen loads of aromantic people express feeling wrong about themselves for identifying as aro but not wanting to be in any type of partnering relationship whatsoever, like queerplatonic relationships. i feel like when folks did their best to chase aro and ace people out of the queer community, a lot of common discussions and rhetoric about our experiences became lost which is extremely unfortunate

while aromantic people who date, and aromantic people who get into other types of close relationships are normal, it is an extremely common aromantic experience to not want to have any types of close relationships aside from friendship applied to themselves. this is very common to the aromantic experience. whether or not an aromantic person enjoys dating is up to them, but I just felt it was necessary to point out that many don't and that's normal and alright, too

[a-little-revolution]

heya, this might be too much for a single post, but i would delight in a ramble about the overlap between dwarfism and disability (whether or not you/the community as a whole generally consider it a capital-D Disability or if theres more nuance like with the autism or HOH/Deaf communities where it just Is and folks feel the the struggles with outgroup folks are like, culture clashes, or perhaps a secret third thing?)

similarly, id love for a ramble on the overlap between dwarfism and queerness, especially The Genders. i have ehlers-danlos syndrome and theres a huge number of us who are trans or nonbinary, to the point where masculinizing hrt is (anecdotally) understood to be a bit of a treatment for some symptoms. i know theres a lot of overlap between queerness and disability as a whole, but so far the couple of artists with dwarfism ive found and followed are all some flavor of trans or nonbinary, so id love to know if thats as common of a thing in your community as it is in mine

dwarfism is for sure underrepresented in discussion about both disability and queerness, and as a disabled queer person they are so intertwined in my head, and im forever curious about other folks experiences so your thoughts are appreciated!

Hello!! I love these questions!!

Firstly, yes, I do identify as being both a little person and disabled, but that isn't the case for everyone with dwarfism. Though dwarfism falls under the classification of a physical disability, not all little people find it physically debilitating. For me, my Achondroplasia dwarfism has resulted in sleep apnea, arthritis, chronic pain, hearing loss, limited mobility and dexterity. I cannot walk long distances and I use multiple moblility aids (wheelchair for long distance, rollator most of the time, and cane for short distances or around the house). My disability is dynamic, meaning that my ability changes day to day depending on pain levels, spoons (unit of measure for disabled energy), and activity.

Being that I am both a little person AND noticeably disabled, I have experienced ableism within both the abled community and the LP community, which is something I don't often talk about. I've been in situations where I feel alienated from my own community - additionally for my queerness. When you exist at the intersection of as many things as I do, you experience many flavours of ignorance and discrimination from the very people who should accept you.

That being said, I have also had the privilege of meeting other little people who are trans, queer, and nonbinary like I am. Our community is incredibly diverse, but spread along the globe. It is easy to feel a profound isolation, but the internet has provided me with a means of connection which I greatly appreciate.

Disability and queerness is something I discuss in depth in my public speaking roles, as I deeply value intersectionality in education and activism (I hope to share some of my talks as I record them in the future!).

I am forever painful aware that ableism is alive and will within the queer community - even when "all are welcome", we are still an after thought. I really urge my fellow queers to think beyond our own community to bipoc and disabled folks, otherwise you're really just dipping your toes into radicalism. Read more books by black disabled trans women of colour, and expand your thinking. (Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk lol)

I can't really speak to hate from the other direction, as all of the disabled folks I know on a personal level are also queer. Though I will say that I certainly receive queer-phobia from older (white) disabled folks - in my experience, when white folks become disabled with age and have not faced any other injustice in their life, they can be very hateful.

This has been quite a post, so I hope I've answered your questions in full! I would be happy to discuss it more if not/answer other related questions! Thank you so much!

Elliot (they/them)

[rei-ismyname]

Teen Jean outs Bobby Drake pt 1

So... Marvel finally decided to confirm that Bobby Drake is gay in All-New X-Men vol 1. I'd forgotten it was a response of sorts to Bobby aggressively performing heterosexuality by objectifying Magik. Not that it makes Jean's behaviour any kind of model for being an ally, but it's easier to see how she arrived at this conversation. It wasn't just out of the blue.

It's clear he absolutely knows he's gay, but he's been closeted for years and I think his persona was built for self protection. A person's openness with their sexuality is entirely up to them (thank fuck telepaths aren't real) and the O5 had grown up in the 60s then suddenly were taken to 2014. Homophobia is still absolutely rampant, but the difference must have been stark. Bobby's parents are also super conservative assholes - given their attitude to him being a mutant he knows they would be awful if he came out to them. Xavier isn't exactly progressive either.

The ice barrier he puts up is him shutting the conversation down while holding back. I'd probably freeze her solid and flee. Interestingly he stops denying it very quickly (not like he had a fucking choice, JEAN) and brings up the headfuck that is his older self who 'isn't [gay.] It really is a unique situation.

I get the impression that Bobby's 'speculation' is spot on, it's obviously the same thought process he had. It's incredibly articulate and thoughtful, which should give an idea of just how much of a performance he has been putting on. Plenty of gay and queer folks date people you wouldn't 'expect' them to. Experimentation is how we figure ourselves out, and heteronormativity is a hell of a drug.

He accepts it pretty quickly, and they briefly discuss the cultural differences compared to their own time.

He accepts it super quickly and allows himself to think out loud about people he finds attractive. Warren, mainly. I don't believe him for a second that Warren is 'too pretty' as I'll discuss in part 2, but I have to say I misremembered the privacy aspect of this. Obviously Jean went to Charles Xavier school of psychic consent (literally) but she at least talks to him privately about this, and assures him 'it's no one's business until you say it is.'

She didn't so much out him as drag him kicking and screaming out of the closet, but she kept it between them and stuck to that. That, at least, is a positive model for supporting queer friends. There's a lot of trust there, and Jean outing Bobby isn't as bad as I remember it. Bobby certainly seems a LOT happier afterwards and while his exploration of his sexuality/dating is awkward as hell, that's true for everyone. I wonder if he's grateful to Jean for this. It feels weird to say it but he probably is. The flipside of telepathy existing is the misery someone who wasn't his friend could have inflicted. There's Xavier, too, who surely must have known, right? He doesn't know the meaning of privacy - what should he have done with this information? We know what he did in canon - nothing. It's such an odd situation that it's hard to judge but if someone in your care is closeted for decades then maybe you didn't provide the best environment.

Thus, the ice twink was born. Next time, Teen Jean and Teen Bobby talk to the Bobby of this time period. That's going to be awkward to write about. Ultimately, it does portray common queer experiences (albeit with telepathy and time travel involved) and emphatically normalises not being straight. It's not perfect, and it wasn't very groundbreaking for 2014, but it's something.

[fangirl-docintraining]

this might be a weird question so feel free to ignore I’m just genuinely curious. I know a lot of this fandom is in the queer community and puts a lot of that into fics and stuff and I was wondering if you’d ever had the thought of adding some queer themes or character headcanons to the SGUN timeline? This is not like a demand or some shit LMAO I’m just genuinely curious cause I find it’s a common theme in the fics

This is a super good question! And TY for asking it so respectfully!! Buckle up folks. Also this is just my own little take on the characters and how they fit in my story and me as a writer, I def read ships other people write for the fandom 😂

Tbh I’ve waffled back and forth on it because I feel like some of the ships a lot. Ones that I sorta could see in my mind for my fics specially are Steve and Soda, also maybe Ponyboy and Johnny. I have eaten up fics about these pairs tbh 😂

however I waffle personally BECAUSE

1. (Less important) I feel like a really impactful point of the outsiders is like male friendships and that level of vulnerability is so rare and I really like the way that it sorta focuses on boys being able to have those deep emotional and physical connections without it immediately equating to a romantic relationship. Like part of the beauty of Steve and Soda’s friendship to me is that they can be vulnerable with each other and rely on each other for emotional support as friends which was like not a big thing especially in the canon time period. However, they also would work well romantically imo. I need the angst of them being in Oklahoma in the 60’s, so as I said I waffle 😂 also there were thoughts of sprinkling Steve and Soda in the background of SGUN, I also thought about having a little Parry reference there too (Darry out here having Bi energy to me, but that’s a whole other story lol).

2. (Importanter point 😂) I’m a cis straight (as far as I know lol, haven’t really dated anyone ever so 🤷🏼‍♀️) white woman, so I do want to really ensure that I have been respectful of the queer community (and other minorities) when I’m writing. I know there’s a lot of instances where one could argue straight women fetishize mlm relationships etc, so I also think that plays a role in me wanting to be mindful of making sure to not elevate my voice above queer community authors or not representing that community accurately if that makes sense? Idk like also I just don’t ever want to feel like I’m speaking about something I’ve never experienced and it coming off as disingenuous or disrespectful as many people have actual personal experiences with the topics I would be writing about. All this to say partially I’ve just been more neutral to be cautious because in a lot of ways I come from a place of privilege and I take that very seriously and try to constantly be aware the implications of that, both in my personal writing and also as a healthcare provider. Basically, I kinda worried myself into a little corner and was like it’s not my place to write those kinds of ships for this fandom 😂

All of this to say, I am not opposed to writing the aforementioned ships because I do feel like the shifting dynamics would be fun to explore, but I think I’ve just been cautious because I’m a nervous Nelly and want everyone to feel respected ❤️

Sorry this got long, I’d love to hear y’all’s thoughts, but let’s keep it respectful tumblr 😂 (I have a crippling fear of internet discourse so bad pls be nice)

[aro-culture-is]

i’m like 99% sure you can ask for advice here so here goes

so, basically i have a queerplatonic/platonic crush on my band president. AND I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT KNOW HOW I DEAL WITH IT. so, for some context we started talking last year because i just joined the school and the bad and we started talking around mid-year and we weren’t that close orginally but there was this night we had a long, deep convo and after that we started to get really close. after two months, i started to have strong feelings for her (but not romantic) and i think it’s a platonic or queerplatonic crush and i didn’t really go to school and band that often for a while because of autoimmune disease and when i was there i tried not to make it seem like i’m too excited to see her which kinda makes me worried that she thinks i’m iggoring her but we text a lot so. anyway, even though we usually don’t interact irl that much [:(] we still do sometimes, and whenever my score has a rest i always look at her. especially when she has a solo. one time we went to experience this colleg band thing and i asked for a hug and she accepted❤️ i wanna hug her again. i do kinda wanna get touchy with her but not TOO MUCH, y’know? besides, i’m shy/nervous around her and anyway, she’s alloromantic. but anyway, today during our cca fair we kind of kept on kinda locking eyes (accidentally?? idk. but i know i was doing it on purpose) and it made my aromantic heart flutter

anyways so i don’t know what to do should i say i have a platonic/qpr crush on her? though i can’t tell which one it is…..

uhhhhh so, as a nonpartnering sort, I think I'm gonna give some general advice, and leave the specifics to the crowd.

broadly: do you know her views on queer stuff? could you casually bring up "oh, I was reading a queer story --", or if you know she's queer-friendly, "oh, out of curiosity, how many of the flags do you know?" type of stuff? Just, get a general vibe of her views of 1) queer people, 2) what she does and doesn't know or think she knows, and 3) if she knows about aromanticism, what she thinks it is and how she feels about aro folks.

I like to start there personally, because it gives you a lot better of a place to start a conversation about your own identity if you have a common ground on what feelings and definitions are being used. It's really easy, I find, for someone to confidently state they know what something is / what you mean, and be totally off base to the point that you're having totally separate conversations and don't even know it.

To use an example: in high school I had a friend who... lovingly, he grew up rich and sheltered, and probably only was not diagnosed as autistic because he was low support needs. His social skills were, lovingly again, as well informed as he could make them, but executed like a train wreck that most everyone attributed to "boy genius is a little weird". (He was, simultaneously, the heart throb of our school, and a lot of guys realized some queerness because of him, but that's a whole other funny story)

He was super nice about me coming out as trans, but clearly in a "he's confused but got the spirit" way. No idea what I meant, but he knew it meant a lot to me. A few weeks after that, he quietly admitted, "I thought it was about like, gender roles like cooking and cleaning and stuff, and I'm starting to get the impression I might not be right about that."

...

So, I now recommend everyone start with "let's get on the same page about what things mean" before having any big identity chats lol. It often leads to a quiet revelation on their side that you're guiding it to "Hi, I am that identity", but also puts it in a place where they're free to ask questions, and in my experience, treat it a little more thoughtfully and seriously than if it were a fly-by "heyyyyy i am aro and i am scared of this conversation, bye!" that can happen with enough anxiety. totally (/sarcasm) not speaking from experience.

hope that helps? from there, just... keep up communicating, leveling the knowledge field, and if a relationship is what you want, do the work. talk about what that means for you. ask what it means to her. talk about if that's compatible, and how conflicts might be navigated. if that goes well, congrats! if not, congrats! you've probably avoided the messier options, even if it isn't what you'd like.

[drdemonprince]

I read your newsletter about "transmisandry" today. I'm a trans man and I generally agree with what you said. However, I was wondering how you would classify a particular experience of mine and other trans men I know irl or have seen online.

In short, I find that in some queer spaces, masculine and/or "binary" (meaning, not non-binary) trans men are treated as outsiders and enemies. I imagine some straight-passing queer cis men experience similar.

This prejudice against masculinity has nothing to do with us being trans, and is in no way oppressive, but it seems to me that some people have a hatred/disgust/discomfort/etc. with masculine men, especially if we are proud of our manhood. I sometimes feel excluded in queer or progressive spaces, and like I have to change myself to fit into others' idea of "acceptable" manhood.

I think this tends to emotionally affect trans men in particular because being a man is generally hard-won and joyful for us. Have you experienced prejudice in queer spaces, especially trans spaces, for being transmasculine? And while I don't believe there exists systemic misandry, is this not a form of misandry, just interpersonal?

Thanks, I really appreciate your work.

Hi there, thank you for great question. What you are describing is certainly a very real and troubling dynamic within both queer and feminist spaces, and it's put me off for a very long time. I have sometimes referred to this as "playful 'misandry' feminism", always with "misandry" in quotes because, as we've already established, it's not a real locus of systemic oppression. I have also sometimes in the past likened it to "Men's Tears Coffee Mug" feminism in its performative, self-congratulatory, typically white feminist stance.*

*in the Koa Beck sense of the term. Someone who is not white can be a white feminist.

I was always put off by performative man-hating jokes and the exclusion of men within feminist spaces because, well, I was one, and because it nearly always played out in transmisogynistic ways that were transparent to me, and because I was a major ride-or-die for men who were victims of sexual violence yet were frequently excluded from survivors' spaces (again, because I was one, even before I realized that I was).

There are a lot of troubling effects that happen when feminist women make a big performance out of finding all men to be disgusting and evil and frequently express disinterest in men's feelings or suffering (which used to be way more common in my estimation, around the early 2010's or so it seemed to peak). I was driven away from feminist spaces as a young closeted trans man because I could see such spaces were not for me or for any of the other men that I cared about and needed support. On the inverse side of things, I have spoken to many trans men who said that "playful "misandry"" feminism actively made it harder for them to realize that they were guys. Men were seen as the enemy and inherently evil and destructive and so they felt absolutely disgusting about the possibility of being a man, or feared transitioning would get them seen as a betrayer of the feminist movement.

As you rightly note, it is not just trans guys who get excluded by such dynamics. Cis men who are genuinely avowed feminists can be driven away by such forces, which is especially upsetting in the case of sexual assault survivors and queer men. Trans women and TMA enbies are excluded from feminist and women's spaces because they supposedly "look like" men to these types, and their own feelings of superficial safety rank above the actual data on who is the most at risk structurally (which is trans women). Butches are regarded in some spaces as too aggressive or unacceptably masculine because of it. And people's analysis of gender oppression just overall sucks when they buy into "playful misandry" style feminism because they go around saying shit like "femme people are oppressed by masc folks." what the hell does that mean. Does a cis, gender conforming feminine woman have less structural power than a butch lesbian? I don't think so.

It seems to me that the big problem here is that "playful misandry" feminism is rooted in a deep deep misunderstanding of the structural nature of oppression. Sexism isn't caused by patriarchy and capitalism, it's caused by "men" and so hating men and excluding them is what will fix things. Men as individuals are responsible for sexism and so women should be as detached from them and unsupportive of them as possible. This logic leads to a TERFy place really quickly, and yes, it also really really damages trans men.

My opinion is that it's best to critique this problem as the political failure that it is: a misunderstanding of sexism as individualistic rather than systemic. That's the core issue from which all the problems flow -- from rampant transmisogyny to the exclusion of cis male sexual assault survivors to the feelings of alienation of trans men. Yes sometimes naming the performative nature of "man hating" jokes and the like is helpful because people recognize instantly what that dynamic is when they hear it. But the "misandry" itself is not the core problem -- it's the shitty gender politics and white feminism.

Does that make sense? To be clear, I think it's something trans men get to talk about. I talk about it from my positionality quite a lot really. I don't think "misandry" is ultimately the helpful or clarifying way to name it, but I will sometimes throw around that term with a TON of qualifiers if I'm discussing the specific interpersonal dynamic of women saying that men are evil rapists innately or whatever. But really discussing the broader gender politics failure that leads to those little shitty comments and looks is almost always more helpful. If trans guys and cis guys are feeling excluded from a space due to these dynamics it's almost always the case that trans women, TMA enbies, butch women, and lots of women of color are too.

[alpaca-clouds]

Heteronormativity and (Fan)Fiction

Let me talk about something, that I am thinking a lot about right now. And that is heteronormativity and how fiction interacts with it - especially romantic fiction. Mostly, because I think there are a few parts that do not get spoken about quite as much as other things.

While reading some fanfictions - and some indie published smut - I did realize one thing: A lot of femdom straight romance actually feels a lot more queer than some fiction featuring gay romances. Doubly so when it comes to m/m fiction. Triply so m/m fiction written by women.

There has been a lot of talk within the queer community about heteronormativity and how it impacts us. Because, yes, a lot of us are drawn into comphet at some point, being pressured to get into a straight relationship to be "normal".

But it is of course something else, too.

See, while I was in the hospital earlier this year, I shared a room with an older gay man. An old, gay, white man, who was married to his partner. And obviously in his eyes, the queer rights movement had already reached everything that was to reach, because he could marry his partner - and was allowed to fuck around. And he did not quite see that the experience of him a cis, white man working in a business field that is fairly high regarded and somewhat well paid, was maybe not representative for everyone else.

And that is obviously the big thing here: White homosexual couples, who are at least middle class, and at least pass as having a monogamous relationship will be a lot easier accepted. This goes doubly so, when in their relationship they at least appear to pass for the "heterosexual roles". That is: A more male partner, and a more femine one. Be it the butch and femme lesbian couple, or the bear and twink gay couple.

This does reflect in fiction, too. And it leads to a lot of gay fiction kinda mirroring this.

Look, folks. I don't think there is a big issue in general with women writing m/m slash stuff. But I do think there is some issue when those m/m slash stories get written basically as a straight story with very clear straight roles. With one man being the clear "woman", who will more likely end up as the damsel in distress, who will more likely be the caring one, the one who might in a fantasy setting take up the healer role, and if there is sex will be the bottom. And mind you, will always be the bottom, because switches often do not exist in those stories.

Ironically this is a bit less common with femslash, which does feature a lot less butch/femme ships than one would assume. While yes, those do exist, there is way more femme/femme stuff around, though butch4butch exists as well.

Though this might also be based on the fact that femslash more often than not gets written by women as well - who might just project the kind of female character they identify with into their fiction.

Ironically - and here is where we loop back to the femdom - it even loops back into straight romantic fiction. Because yes, normally femdom romance fiction is very, very rare and often only get published indie.

It shows even stronger in fanfictions, though. Because in fanfiction we will see those rare examples were a male character might be a lot softer, feminine and submissive, will actually be once more pushed into the strong male role of the kinda toxic protector.

I noticed this a lot in terms of how Hector/Lenore is written in the fandom. Sure, there are some other femdom stories with them. But most of the time, Lenore just loops back to being the damsel, while Hector steps up to be the protector. Even though that is kinda the opposite of what we see in canon.

It also is the reason why I dislike seeing Astarion with female Tavs/Durges so much. Because Astarion is very much a twink and a bottom. He wants to be the one who gets protected by someone else and such things. But in a lot of m/f stuff I see with him, he just takes up once more just the classical male love interest role. Which I find boring.

And sure. Like, everyone can write what they can. I am not saying you can't. I will not read it, but it is totally fine for people to write it.

I just want to note that it is definitely rooted in patriarchal gender roles - and heteronormativity. And I find that really, really, really icky.

There is also the fact, again, that I am really not a big fan of the whome "Top and Bottom in male gay stories are permanently assigned roles, that do not only assign a sex position, but also a sort of pseudo-genderole". And yes, there are more than enough gays (especially those who self-identify as tops), who still want to cling to that idea. Because it is more in line with the rest of society. And because in their heads, too, there is this idea that the penetrated partner in sex should be more submissive.

It still gets to me that so much fiction and fanfiction keeps this kinda stuff up. I mean, queer stuff is the place to let go of patriarchal norms and genderroles and still, people... somehow don't?

The two ships where this irks me the most right now is Trevorcard (Trevor/Alucard) and Mizrox (Mizrak/Olrox) in Castlevania. Where most people just go: Trevor and Mizrak are the tops - and Alucards and Olrox are respectively the bottom.

And, let's face it. This originates that to a western eye Alucard and Olrox read more feminine due to their long hair.

Now, wihen it comes to Alucard I find it mostly annoying. But when it comes to Olrox? Well, I cannot help but think: "It's a bit racist, right?"

Because the fact is, that reading Olrox as "more feminine" because of his long hair is just pushing western ideas onto an indigenous character. But to him, of course, that long hair is a very masculine trait. So, yeah... I just cannot help but feel that folks really project a lot of shitty stuff onto a shipping.

In the end... I really just wished that fiction - original and fanfiction alike - would go more an explore genderoles and relationship dynamics outside of heteronormativity. Because this kinda stuff it shitty, and does a lot more harm than good.

[olderthannetfic]

Daily accs have ruined the fandom experience.

Fandom is just generally so boring and I'm speaking as someone who's queer, ND, disabled, and POC. "Headcanons" now lack flavors. Headcanons now are limited to just making the characters non-white, cis, straight, neurotypical, and abled. Where's the plot? The elaboration? And I don't just mean "I hc him as autistic and he has alexithymia."

As someone who's autistic and alexithymic there are lots of experiences that come from being alexithymic that no one person who's alexithymic experiences the same way even when there are common traits. In fact, most of the time I don't use the medical terms and just describe the character having these traits AND THEN describe how it's relevant to the plot bunny and maybe even use canon sources to elaborate why I think this character can be or is [identity]-coded. I don't just make posts generating various labels everyday or every HOUR: "this character is [x]." and call it a day.

Not to mention lots of people are saying these HCs are the only acceptable kind of HCs because the others are problematic or harmful. They always put it in the bio, "no harmful or problematic HC," "proshipper DNI", "no [link to a card with a list of headcanons lots of people are doing].

There are open antis who are constantly making "reminders" or "hot takes", and there are covert antis who act as if they are making "content" but they are literally just spamming posts like the one I told above and attacking people in the comment section or up-ing other people's call-out posts by engaging or reposting. Antis have been creating an environment where even wanting to Headcanon is scary. It also conditioned people to like only these types of HCs and I would've been elated for some rep a few years ago but the lack of nuance is just irritating and disappointing. Ironically, I can not relate with any of these headcanons because homophobia (which was a popular tag on AO3 because it's relatable to a lot of queer folks like me) is problematic (literally had someone tell me about an AO3 tag statistics, "homophobia shouldn't be a popular tag). The lack of media literacy has people saying making an x trope is endorsing.

I keep finding anon fics or private fics on AO3, going into fandoms where people are more comfortable sharing fics thru discord servers, DMs, linked write/as posts, because my ships keep getting harassed or scrutinized by antis (even when they are not minors, don't have age gaps, incest, or are rivals), and I keep seeing more and more people say they are discouraged to engage in fandom activity at all.

Somehow this is familiar as a queer person who was in the closet and had to hide all my poetry because ofc my own people (I assume they are mostly queer like me too cuz a lot of them identify as one and put it in their bio) makes me feel unsafe LOL/sarcasm

--

[velvetvexations]

Oh btw about predatorjacketing and kinkshaming trans people;

This is generally going on among modern fandoms and among young queer and trans adults outside of just transfems.

I've seen plenty of non-transfeminine nonbinary and transmasculine folk get hunted down and harassed over cartoon porn they draw. I don't know in detail if it's more frequent or violent towards transfeminine folk (it could be, - given how mainstream transmisogyny relates to the gay or gnc men as predators myth).

I'm transmasc and I don't have a NSFW art platform at all because I'm THAT scared of people finding it, associating it with my mains and then slandering me over it. I can not find community around my kinks etc. because I feel unsafe to discuss that with the vast majority of people. And yes, my transness is a factor. I always feel that it if I was a feminine cis woman I would be seen as cute and innocent. I have a very deep instinctive feeling that my transness to many people represents a sexual threat and that it's easier to demonize me over kinks bcs I stick out too much etc.

Even in a women's changing room I feel that my masculinity is in this stark direct contrast with most people I share that space with, - that I have to be really careful of how I move, where I look and how I come across. I have felt for my whole life, even when being a fem presenting teen, that I am clocked as a boy thing that doesn't belong there. Now on T, with boobs... I also have to avoid talking in those changing rooms. In the company of really fem presenting cis women I feel socially and culturally hypersexualized for my deviant masculinity, for being an apparent dyke in the midst of women. I have cptsd from being around feminine people because of how othered I am + some experiences of being subtly ruled out of the Girls TM club.

Being a sexual being with my kinds of sexual interests while having this experience as a transmasculine person is something quite vulnerable and difficult to fully become confident in and love oneself about. I think transandrophobia and transmisogyny have that whole "you're a predatory impostor among women" thing and "you emasculate straight cis men by existing" thing in common... Just from a slightly diff. angle but there's so much similiarity.

A lot of the chronic policing between transmasc people over kink and sexuality is actually a result of internalizing the idea that we are dirty masculine predators. There is a high social pressure to be cute, feminized, sanitized and say "PROSHIT DNI >:/" because transmascs have an instinctive self-awareness of how we're easily thrown to the wolves when our gender-nonconformity or sexuality is no longer cute and Christian Values Friendly enough.

Being terrified to death about some kind of predatorjacketing over writing fanfic or drawing weird cartoon porn isn't exclusive to transfems. Any transmasc person encaging in fandom or any online art subcultures is waaayyy too intimately aware of this fact 24/7.

Oh and? Transmasc people with feminine partners who are tops / encage in some kind of roleplay where they're in the 'aggressing' role are extremely stigmatized too. I see people instantly write this off as toxic masculinity or inherently gross because a transmasc does it.

A lot of transmascs (speaking from experience) who actually prefer these "scary" roles in fantasy etc., feel social pressure to over-emphasize how bottom uwu sluts we are. I've recently stopped doing this because I realized it makes me dysphoric + I only do it to make my sexuality more palatable to other people. And I see so many transmascs as like... Having to reduce themselves to these cute slut boytoys. While I fully believe this is the authenthic preference of many of them, I think as a transmasc there is a strong social pressure to be /that way/ because being seen as Gross Threatening Men is like a social death sentence.

(there's a lot of good discussion about everything on this blog btw and I love to read it. I just wanted to add 2 cents to the anti kink vs trans people discussion.)

I don't think there's any difference literally at all between how transfem and transmasc sexuality is "handled" by the internet. People have it in their head that everything is an exact 1-1 of everything else so the fact that a trans woman is more likely to be visibly tagged as a pervert just for walking down the street (transmasc members of Velvet Nation please let me know if that's inaccurate) gets transferred to the internet as though everyone treats trans men who have being trans in their bio as the first thing everyone sees as cis men.

At most TERFs might report trans women more often and I don't want to downplay the seriousness of that but get fucking real if one doesn't think trans men aren't under constant scrutiny.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

See, here's the thing, I am onboard with SolarxMoon. Their dynamic is the cutest within the Tsams/Tlaes that I have enjoyed. What I am not onboard, as an AroAce, is when you and your friends use your A-specs cards as some sort of gotcha. Yes, some A-specs can date either romantically or qpr, and they are used against us A-specs that are romance/sex-repulsed as some sort of invalidation of who we are. We are all too familiar with: "Well, this A-specs person dates. What's stopping you? You have no excuse." and "I like shipping and I'm A-specs, so..."

You and your friends got to understand why the way you worded things made you three seem aphobic to your own community. Adding on, celebrating that Moon is now questioning was another questionable move on your guys' part. A lot of A-specs Tsams fans found comfort in him being AroAce and being the representation for a group who has little to no representation at all in any sort of media. Imagine how it felt seeing people of your own community being happy that the one thing we had as a community is now being erased.

Just because you're part of the minority group doesn't mean you can't be -phobic to that very same group. Tons upon tons of LGBTQA+ infighting has proven this.

Okay.

I tried to go to bed.

But I couldn't after I got this message.

It got me really tossing and turning and thinking, truthfully.

So, maybe I haven't made myself clear in my initial posts.

But I am not saying or using A-spec cards as a "gotcha"

That is not my intention so let me make it abundantly clear what I am trying to say.

Solar and Moon are not real.

Even if Moon was ace, I would ship them Queerplatonically, and I still do right now.

I believe limiting characters on how they can be shipped is Acephobic. Because you are limiting options and narrowing the box of what the ace spectrum can be.

My experiences are not others experiences.

The reason why I personally was excited about Moon being questioning, is because my sexuality is very fluid.

I have identified as Bisexual, Queer, Dyke, Questioning, Demisexual, Grey and Fag.

As of now, I am experimenting with the term aroace and it seems to fit me for now. Will I change it in a few years? Perhaps. I'm not even sure on how much aroace I am. Probably more demi or grey spectrum.

But a fictional character, expressing need to change their sexual orientation because of differing circumstances, means a great deal to me. Because back then, folks thought 'the gays' we're just all 'born this way' or there is something wrong with us.

That if you were gay or ace or lesbian you were born that way and it's concrete and nothing you can do or say will say that.

Unless they literally beat or fucked it out of you. Which is just awful btw.

Nowadays, people experimenting with sexuality and labels is far more common.

To see it in characters in a silly little youtube show like Moon, and Lunar makes me really happy.

It tells me "yes you can change your mind. You can be whatever you want to be."

So when I say "I am on the ace spectrum and I ship this"

What I actually mean is:

"They are fictional characters and you are flexible to portray them in any level of ace that you want that you personally identify with. Because they are not real. They can be whatever level of ace you want."

I am allowing every single ace to express Moon at the level of aceness they feel comfortable with. Because he is not real. Where he lies on the spectrum is entirely up to you. Your fanart. Your fanworks.

Now. Did you need all my sexual identity history to know that.

Probably not.

But I had to let this all out here. Because I'm tired.

If this makes me Acephobic by saying that sexuality is flexible and labels can be changed and so can levels of the spectrum with experience.....

Then...

I don't know man.

I'm tired.

[literaticat]

I sincerely hope this question doesn't come across as self-centered & apologize if it is. I'm a marginalized author & disappointed that neither my agent nor editor have reached out to check on me or to reiterate support for my poc & queer books under contract. I understand the week has been hard for them too, but the silence makes me feel... I just really wish they had reached out. Is that an unrealistic expectation to have?

Big hugs (if you want them!) -- I hope you are taking good care of yourself, it's been a very rough week for a lot of folks. (For future generations reading this: yes the 2024 election in the US just happened, yes a lot of people are feeling very *shattered* rn).

I gotta be totally honest: I have not reached out to my clients about this specifically either. If there was something I would have been emailing them about anyway, I acknowledged the tumultuous week and gave them love if they wanted it (sort of exactly how I did at the beginning of this ask!), and then moved on to the business at hand. If they have reached out to me, same. If they have said something on socials and I've seen it (which I don't see everything, or even MOST things), I've given them love about it; if they've said something to ME about it, same. But boundaries are a good thing, and I'm trying not to overstep.

This is for a couple of reasons. First, I don't trust myself not to have a breakdown, I'm barely holding myself together. (I had a panic attack and cried at the bookstore yesterday! Hot mess express here!)

More importantly, though, I just don't think it's my place to inject myself into people's personal or political lives. I'm pretty open about my politics, and if somebody wants to process something with me, I will absolutely hold space for that, but I don't want to get my crisis of faith in democracy vibes all over anyone randomly.

Basically -- everyone will process what happened this week in a different way -- some people are in a state of shock, or grief. Some are angry at Republicans, but lots are angry at Democrats, too, and hey, while I may not like that, I do acknowledge that it's a fact. As far as I know (!!!) nobody I rep is celebrating right now. But . . . I am fairly certain that some people I know didn't vote at all, or voted in some other way (third party?) due to their own moral convictions, and while again, that wouldn't have been MY choice, I can't begrudge somebody else making that choice for themselves. (But I don’t actually WANT to know if that’s the case!)

It's simply not my business.

We represent people from all walks of life, who have many kinds of experiences. As is probably clear, I consider myself very much a Democrat and pretty on the left of much of the party, but I am certain that there are clients of mine who are much more leftist than I am, and probably some who are more centrist or even (perhaps) more conservative than I am. What we all, hopefully, have in common regardless of anything else is respect for one another and our shared work, and I really don't want to damage that.

[genderqueerdykes]

Im nonbinary and i feel ashamed of being amab.

Even ignoring dysphoria, the expectations of being a guy as well as being too scared to...well do anything that might affirm me is really getting to me, especially as it feels like afab nonbinary people are far more common and im left feeling isolated (made even worse by any gender envy i get only coming from them so i feel like i never will be happy with my gender because of my agab).

how do i deal with this?

hello there! Thanks for taking the time to stop by!

i wanted to say from the bottom of my heart that i am sorry that people have made you feel this way, because it's not just you having those feelings. people have made it difficult for amab nonbinary people to have a voice and a place to speak for themselves due to a lot of bullshit. i understand feeling isolated, it's hard to network with other people like yourself when you constantly feel pushed out of every space you try to occupy

the fact that a lot of people think that being nonbinary is just a thing that afab people do or a "weird girl thing" is frustrating, it sucks because you really do encounter it. it's not true though- given the absolutely massive amount of amab nonbinary people i've met both online and in person, it's not that amab nonbinary people don't exist, it's just that no one will give you room to speak and that is bullshit

i would recommend trying to see if there are any transfem support groups in your area as that would probably be the highest concentration of people who are the likeliest to understand your situation. you can also look out for nonbinary support groups, but i totally understand your apprehension. it helps to try to start with people who are the most likely to get you. i would honestly also recommend just taking up space in whatever queer communities you find if you can. it's hard, but you do deserve a chance to take up that space and it may help someone else feel less alone in the process

you are just as nonbinary as any person of any other agab. your agab is your dearest secret and nobody has the right to exile you from any queer spaces based off of that. your agab means nothing about your intentions, personality, or anything- your agab is just some organs and reproductive health systems. whether or not you have that body from birth or because of hormones and surgery is nobody's business

you have the right to talk about the nonbinary experience and how unique it is to your agab, especially. remind yourself that anyone outside of that experience doesn't know what it's like. i don't know what it's like, because i'm not amab. those people are not the expert on what it's like to live this life. you are. let yourself be that expert. let yourself be judge

there are a million ways to be trans and no agab owns nonbinaryhood. common public conceptions of identities and concepts are often heavily biased and skewed. in time as we see folks become braver, people will begin to understand that amab people are just as likely to identify as nonbinary as anyone else. trust me, i have met so many. you are not alone by any stretch of the imagination

you are also welcome to join my discord server, if you're not already in it! it's not a solution to having irl community, but having an online support group can help a lot!

there's no reason to be ashamed, you are a beautiful individual with an identity that is just as incredible. i hope your shame can turn to pride, you have an experience that is worth blessing the world with. take care of yourself for now. do the best you can to remind yourself that you are defining the trans experience just by existing. other people can talk shit all they want, but you know who you are. keep your chin up, you're awesome. have a great week

[thedreadvampy]

that post I rbed about cultures is so full of white Americans in the notes going But How Culture If Bad which like

it's a really good example of a certain mindset in Tumblr Discourse which is like uhhhh

how to explain it

taking a very common and understandable yearning for clarity and stability and surety. and assuming that everybody ELSE has that and ONLY YOU don't.

like in this example. the mindset seems to be. "I don't have a culture which I find rich, rewarding and exciting. I find the cultures other people were raised in look rich, rewarding and exciting. Therefore Having A Culture means having an uncomplicated positive relationship to a culture that enriches and rewards you, therefore I Don't Have A Culture and it's Not Fair."

when in fact. nobody has an entirely uncomplicatedly positive relationship with their culture. most of us have blind spots about what our culture is and take it for granted. most of us are reacting against aspects of our culture and want them to change. most of us feel unmoored and uncertain.

anyway it reminds me of a thing that always bugs me in queer discourse where a lot of folks seem to be under the impression that they're Uniquely Conflicted About Their Identity. like eg how imo a lot of 2010s ace discourse boiled down to "as aspec people we are the Only People To Experience Complex Relationships To Sex" you know?

basically there seems to be this consistent idea that if you had the Thing, your life would be simple and understandable and uncomplicated. and since it isn't, you must be being uniquely deprived. and that's how this "Americans Have No Culture" shit is raging too me tbh.

[omgcatboi]

hi, sorry I have a question - will trans feedees who've gotten breast reductions but not top surgery be excluded just like post-op trans feedees?

Hmm... Let me think on that. That's a gray area I haven't considered yet. The point of the master list is to fight the idea that trans people need surgeries to be validated. Because us pre op trans folk are ALWAYS pushed aside for post op folk. And its not the fault of post op folk, its because we live in a shitty world where people don't think you're a guy worth giving representation to if you've got G cups.

Though , a reduction is somewhere in the middle. I think it depends on your body type itself. Because the whole reason I'm even doin this thing is to give more diverse bodies the limelight they deserve. I'm tired of all the fuckin trans men in " inclusive" art having top scars. Bc that's not even realistic for the common ftm in the south. People don't realize how IMPOSSIBLE it is to access 10,000$ plus follow up fees when you are poor in the south ( NO insurance here covers these procedures for gender affirmation. Privilege white queers who never had to wonder if they'll be able to afford to eat for the next 3 days do NOT interact with this post bc u don't know anything Abt the POOR trans experience.)

like, my hrt provider ( who has done more for the trans community than I've seen any other provider do. This woman has MEETINGS WITH THE WHITEHOUSE!!! to fight for our rights. This woman MEETS WITH SENATORS to fight for our rights. Bless her and may she live forever. ) had to sit me down bc I was in crisis. I was in crisis bc every single time I saw a trans man being represented, he had top scars. Because everytime someone dmed me in a dating app,it was to ask if I got " the surgery." It was because I couldn't find any transmasc that looked like me that was desired by anyone. And it made me feel unseen. It made me feel like I was alone,the ugly duck no one wanted bc I didn't have over 10,000$ to drop on surgery that, in the end, I realize I don't even want! She had to sit me down and explain that MOST transmascs will NEVER realistically afford top surgery. And she was explaining that I didn't need it to be valid. She alone talked me through my crisis and walked with me to the light at the end of the tunnel. ( Bless you, Stacie. Even tho ik you won't see this. )

THAT is why I made the master post. ( And why i even have this blog w my tits out to begin with. )

So it just depends! If you feel you lack representation, then I will absolutely add you to the list too!! Everyone deserves to feel seen! NO ONE deserves to feel the way I felt.

[aroallo-culture-is]

I’m acespec but in an almost allo way and it’s complicated. I feel gross for not being fully ace. I think i might be omnisexual heteroromantic too, which means im only not straight if we’re talking about who I might want to have sex with but im not actually turned on by people at all it’s the sex I find attractive. It’s so complicated.

I get you. Sexuality is a very messy area, especially when getting into attraction versus action, and this can result in a lot of complication when choosing identity labels – especially those on a spectrum, which are often seen in association with one or both extremes (in this case, acespec labels are often seen in association with what we'll call full asexuality, and not as their own terms and sexualities with their own places on this spectrum between no attraction and all the attraction). Unfortunately, feeling bad for not fitting perfectly into how your sexuality label is understood is a common experience. But on the bright side, you're not alone in having a complicated sexuality! It's not gross to be acespec but not fully asexual, you're just one of many who have a couple extra layers to your sexuality cake (but, hey, even if it was gross? Us queers and other folk have been making grossness our territory for decades now, so you'll be in pleasant company). Sometimes, sexuality is complicated. That's life, because life is complicated. But life is also neat and fun and can come with surprising treats, and I like to see sexuality the same way. I hope you're able to find a place where you can see it that way, too.

I wish you luck in figuring things out, anon! And I hope the complexity of it all treats you well!