#i feel like the 'they are the way he made them' thing is pretty self evident and understood but it's important to distinguish that it's not
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oh my gosh need sub!choso bent over and taking it like the princess he is! want to pull his hair and make him cry IM BEGGIMG 😵💫 making him go non-verbal and babble absolute nonsense LIKE PLEASE GIVE IT TO ME 😩😵💫
a little dumbification and feminization doesn't hurt anybody 🥺
So fucking self-indulgent that I am ashamed
Dom!reader x sub!choso x reader is gn
Warning: pegging (I use dick for strap), teasing, dacryphilia, hair pulling, feminisation, subspace, dumbification lul
You panted, slightly exhausted as you reached your hand out. Using only your index and middle fingers, you gently brushed them over the line following his back. From the top all the way to the bottom, feeling his hot and sweat covered skin underneath your touch, going until your hand was resting right above his ass. There, you moved it to the side, finding a nice place to rest it and squeezing his waist with just the right amount of strengh.
And Choso shuddered and withered oh so sweetly, head pressing against the already wet pillow as he arched his back even more. Shoulder jumping upwards while his muscles tensed, trembling like a hurt animal. “Didn’t like it?” You asked, reaching your hand out again, this time to stroke his black hair. His buns had come off, and it was hanging loose over his shoulders. The man beneath you didn’t manage to answer your question, in contrary, he whined out, “ah- aHh..! Y/n-~~ too mu- muUuchh, too faaast..!!♡♥︎”
How could you expect him to even register the fact you asked him something when you are currently pounding him like there’s no tomorrow? Like a hungry beast trying to devour him whole? Taking advantage of all his weak spots while he’s in such a vulnerable position, you’re too mean to him! “Oh dear, can’t say anything other than that?” You asked in a condescending tone, scraping his scalp as you held him tighter with your other hand.
“I’ll help you then.” A cheeky giggle before you pulled back enough for the tip to slid out of his puffy hole, watching him clench onto nothing as a dissatisfied whimpers ripped from his throat. “Nghh~ please… s-stick it back in—” you pulled on his fairly long hair, causing him to moan out loudly and throw his head back, “ah- annNghhh.?!” Tears rolled down his cheeks, and his lips were swollen from him biting on them too much. His cheeks flushed so cutely as he hiccuped.
“Such a needy thing, you really want to be fucked dumb?” Your grip on his hair loosened a little, and his head fell forward. He gritted his teeth, hands bawled into fists and kept right below his mouth as he sound back into the pillows, nodding furiously. “What a pillow princess.” You chuckled, kissing his hole with the tip of your dick. Just testing him, watching his body squirm in anticipation before pushing it all inside him with a swift movement of your hips.
That wasn’t difficult at all, considering he’s been so stretched already, so good and prepared, just for you. He was so eager he basically sucked you right in, that cute little boy cunt of his fluttering around you, taking you so good. You subconsciously licked your lips at the gorgeous view in front of you. He had such a nice body too, pair that with the most adorable expression and lewd noises he’d make, lord he was exactly your type.
“Aaarghh— ♡ nnNnggg…!! Please, y-y/n ♡♥︎♡~?!!” The moment you re-entered him, he felt like he was in heaven. Tongue rolling out, eyes teary as he groaned, not knowing just how loud and erotic his voice was. If he knew, he’d be so embarrassed. “Oh? Such a pretty sound you made there, so cute, just like a girls moans~” you hugged him from behind, head pressed against his shoulder, whispering sickeningly sweet, “should I change to calling you my good girl?”
It took a bit until he understood your words, you helped him by slowing down your thrusts. Then his ears turned red, and he cried out, “n-no, m’not a g-girl..??” Then his brows furrowed and eyes rolled into the back of skull, al because you hit that sweet little spot inside him with such precision he was trembling all over. “Are you sure~? Don’t you love it when I fuck your pussy like this?” You rolled your hips in a slow, steady motion, and it made him see stars.
God, his mind if so foggy, so mushy he couldn’t handle all this ecstasy. The pleasure was too overwhelming…! And if you were to start calling him your— ah — your good girl too, he definitely will melt. “Please, j-just fuck me and shut u-up..” ah, there it is, now he’s being self aware again, feeling humiliated just by having sex. Well, you’ve toyed with him enough for now, haven’t you? Any more teasing and he’ll really come~ but the night is still so young, he still has to last for a bit.
“Haha,” you couldn’t help but chuckle loudly, which only added to his frustration and excitement, then you mumbled, “whatever for my princess.”
#sub jjk#sub jujutsu kaisen#sub choso#choso jjk#choso jujutsu kaisen#choso x you#choso smut#choso x y/n#choso kamo#choso x reader#jjk choso#jujutsu kaisen choso#choso x gn reader#jjk x y/n#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk x gender neutral reader#jjk x gn!reader#sub character#sub!character#dom reader#dom!reader#dom gn reader#sub character x dom reader#dom reader x sub character#haven’t wrote such a perverted fic in a long time#oh yea and I deleted my entire progress on kinktober today cuz I didn’t like the flow of the story I wrote#like I found it too cringe and I just#bam#deleted it all ehe
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Not made of glass - choi soobin
ꕥ pairing: choi soobin x afab reader
ꕥ genres: smut (basically pwp)
ꕥ warnings: soft!dom soobin to hard!dom, sub!reader, fingering, unprotected sex, big!dick soobin lol, oral m!receiving, so many petnames i melted, squirting, spanking
ꕥ wc: 2.9k
ꕥ a/n: the title is pretty much self-explanatory... my first smut for soobin! i want him so bad merry christmas to those celebrating!!
taglist: @hanhani29 @bloomngspring @hhoneyhan
A few months in since you started dating, Soobin is still ever the kind, composed and gentle boyfriend. Princess treatment is always on the maximum level, the reserved soft spot only for you that you can’t help but wonder sometimes how he is the same guy that can’t skip a day without getting into silly quarrels with Beomgyu. He takes you on a date at least every once in a while, knowing his hectic schedule you are more than grateful that he makes some time for you. His love language being act of service, you won’t have to lift a finger around him. Your friends call him a gentle giant, a nickname that makes you laugh every time you are reminded of it.
At the end of a date day, usually he would stay overnight at yours. You are doing your night routine by the vanity, onto the last part of your skincare when he creeps up behind your back, his arms finding their ways around your waist. His head rests on your left shoulders, lips attracted to your neck like how bees are to honey.
“God, I missed you so much,” his voice comes out much whinier than he thought. You put down your moisturiser on the table, turning around to face him. The wet hair that is evident from the earlier shower he had made his bangs droop down adorably, and sexy at the same time.
“Show me how bad then,” you say teasingly, the provocative smirk you give Soobin is enough to set him off as he lifts you from the ground, the placement of his hands on you careful to not hurt you in any way. Your giggles fill the entire room as he places you on the soft, silky sheets that you just changed this morning.
He leans in, his mouth hovering over yours as he mutters his words of love to you before your lips connect together. The ghostly touch of his hands on your shoulder first, slowly going down to your breasts making you gasp. You continue making out for a while before he lets go and cups your cheeks, giving a peck on your forehead. The intimate action gives you butterflies, watching him closely as he works around to undress himself. The eye contact is maintained, and it’s insanely hot you can’t help but blush seeing him.
“Like what you see babe?” he asks, completely aware of your flustered face. You reach out a hand to trace his toned muscle, his abs appearing even more prominent than the last time you saw them.
“Very. Looks so hot on you, oh my god—” your breath cuts short as he accidentally tugs the only thing left on your body, your bra to be exact, harder than he intends to as the fabric tears.
“Oh! Sorry baby, did I hurt you?”
Yes, he did. In fact, he ruined you. In the most sexy way possible. You stare at him closely, lips puckered as he tries to read your expression. When you say nothing, that’s when he inches closer, promising to buy you another, even ten sets of underwear if you would want him to. You chuckle lightly, both hands supporting his neck and pulling him closer.
“Soobin, I could care less about that. I like it,” you confess, his eyes soften. Without waiting for his reply, you flip him over. His length is already poking through, Soobin hisses when you touch him there, the feeling shoots him in like electricity when your soft hands contrast with the veiny muscle there.
“This hard for me?” you start with a kitten lick, his hand is flying to hold your hair in place for you, wrapping it nicely around his wrist like a ponytail. Always very attentive and gentle.
“Only for you, love,” he answers, lids drowsy as you start to take him down your throat. You’re long past caring about the drool that drips from your stretched lips to your sheets, Soobin coos at your state and mumbles a few praises as your mind overwhelms with the way his tip presses the back of your throat, the weight of one big hand never leaves stroking your hair.
Moments later, he finds you struggling with his length, eyes watery as you look at him, he can’t help but to anxiously remind you to take only what you can. Your hand that is placed on his thighs is gripping harder on it, yet you show no sign of tapping out like what both of you agreed on whenever any of you feels uncomfortable to continue.
“Y/n–” his own breath hitches, the feeling good to him as well, the urge to just push you further down on his cock blooming in his mind but he puts it aside as he looks at his darling, sweet girlfriend on the verge of tears.
“Love, you can stop now,” he incites, feeling bad for you. With all the constraints, you manage to shake your head, insisting that you can take much more. You relax your throat a bit, breathing through your nose as you push him in deeper. Soobin groans at the action, hips jerking and thrusting sloppily. You work your best to satisfy him, until he’s left a whiny mess, as he reaches his first orgasm of the night.
He’s humming softly, lost in his own world of pleasure while you fight to stifle your gag reflex, letting the liquid go down your throat before finally releasing him from your mouth. The drool that follows through as you backs away in search of proper breath is wiped away instantly by him, feeling bad as he strokes your cheek lovingly.
“Don’t push your limit if you can’t, baby, remember?”
You could only let out a smile, pulling him on top of you. “I have never not, Soobin. I promise I am okay,” you answer, his gaze on you feels a little too strong, so you continue, “It’s a good kind of hurt.”
“Really?”
“Uh uh. Now hurry,” you urge him, your puppy eyes paired with your pout instantly puts Soobin in position, in between your legs. He’s pushing your thighs apart, working his fingers delicately on your dripping core. You relax to his touch, responsive moans here and there fill Soobin’s ears. “So fucking wet…”
Soobin rarely swears around you, but whenever he does in bed it drives you nuts. The low voice of his, with a little bit of grunt on it and the fact that you're making him feel that way has you pooling down there.
“Am ready now, come on,” you whine out, almost running out of patience as he slowly works his fingers wonderfully inside your pulsing cunt. Soobin is far from stupid, especially in knowing how your body works, he knows it’s calling for something more. Something that only he can give you. You keep on squirming around, desperate for more friction than what he’s already giving you.
“Please—want you so bad, Binnie,” your voice comes out as weak, a high pitched moan follows after when he retracts his fingers.
“Shh, I know babe, just getting you prepared for me, don’t wanna hurt you, hmm?” he coos, spreading your legs further just so he can snug up in between comfortably. His length makes its way to your entrance, your joined moans breaking out as he gathers the slick to coat around it. The pleasure gives you goosebumps, finding anchor in his hand that holds on your thigh.
He finally pushes in his tip, his cock finally stretches you out. The sensation triggers him, watching closely how your walls are pulsing to let him in. Even though he was being gentle, nothing would help when you will never get used to his size. You could not even get a hold of it when a tear drop stains your cheek, his girth inside too overwhelming. His growing concern from earlier only expands, his thumb finger delicately brushes it off from you, pecking your lips after. “Baby…”
“No, I—ah,” you are cut off from one of his thrust, unknowingly hitting your sensitive spots, filling you to the hilt. “Feels so good, Soobin..”
As he sees you struggle and non stop squirming under him, he could not help but to feel bad, slowing his pace and rubbing the skin of your waist to ease you up to accept him. Your expression confused, quite dismayed at the slowing pace. He takes his time with you, stroking your messy hair, pecking every surface of your neckline yet you grow greedy and needier by time. With a desperate huff, you call out his name, he whispers a soft hum in your ear to ensure he’s listening.
“You don’t have to be that gentle with me, Soobin. I am not made of glass,” you say, eyes glistening with lust as Soobin cups both your cheeks
“Did I do something wrong? Do you not like how I act in bed?”
“No, no, nothing like that,” you reassure quickly, scooting him closer. You reach out and take his hand, your thumb brushing over his knuckles. “You’re so gentle with me, Soobin. And I love that about you. You always make me feel safe. But...”
He tilted his head, lips pouting in focus, studying your expression. “But what?”
Your cheeks are warming, feeling intimidated by his stare. “Sometimes... I think you’re holding back. Like you’re scared of pushing too hard, saying too much, or being too... intense with me.”
Soobin blinks once, twice, his mouth parting slightly as if to respond, but no words come out. You almost melt at the sight, his perfectly shaped lips look very fluffy and inviting so you pull him down to you, giving a small kiss on his lips.
You massages his palm, your voice soft but resolute. “I want all of you, baby. The gentle side, the intense side, even the messy parts you think I am not capable of handling. I can take it. I want to take it.”
Soobin looks down at your intertwined hands, his thumb now tracing over the smaller yours. “I guess... I'm afraid of hurting you. You mean so much to me, baby. I didn’t want to risk being too much, I don’t ever wanna cause you pain.”
“You won’t,” you deny firmly, voice stern. “I trust you. And I want you to trust me to take whatever you’ve got. Don’t hold back on me anymore.”
For a moment, you both stay in silence, the weight of his body on top of yours never feels uncomfortable, or too much.
"Do you trust me?"
"Babes, if I didn't I wouldn't be here. I would run away once I set my eyes on your big cock," you jokingly say to ease the tension, his dimple appearing as he chuckles.
“Alright. No more holding back, I guess. You asked for it.” He sinks his face further in your chest, leaving a few marks of him there. Your heart flutters, a spark of excitement dancing in your chest. “That’s all I wanted to hear.”
The rest is history, you can't quite describe the feeling of being ravished by him for the first time. It is amazing. You are too fucked out, too weak to do anything besides moan and writhe underneath him, letting him use you as he wishes, limits all thrown out of the window as he rams inside you aggressively. You are more like a living fuck doll to be filled with him and his seed only.
“You like that, baby? Y/n?” He repeats his hard thrust over and over, distant noise ringing in your ears, his large and veined hands gripping your hips and leaving bruises on the soft flesh. Your body has been decorated with hickeys and bite marks, your wrists bruising from when he held them earlier.
Soobin then reaches around with one hand, rubbing circles on your swollen and overstimulated clit, tears rolling down your cheeks at the added sensation. He only grins at that, loving your response to his touches as two of his fingers rub circles on your sensitive bud. “Gonna cum for me? Come on, show me how good of a girl you are.”
“Yes! So good— argh!” you scream out as you reach your high, your cunt tightening around his cock as he pauses his thrust, waiting for you to loosen up a little before continuing. You lay weak in his arms, sweat trickles down your neckline at the heat. As you catch your breath and the overstimulation passes, your trembling hands come up to his hair, tugging on it a bit.
“More, baby.”
He laughs at that, iris darkening as he looks at your state. Eager for more, although it seems like you are on the verge of tears by now.
“Aren't you an impatient little one?”
“Want you to use me,” you demand assertively, eyes wide and round. Your lips pursed a little, Soobin leans down to steal a quick peck there.
“My baby wants more? You can take it?”
“Yes, of course, I love you—oh fuck!” your voice gets louder as his fingers hovers around your bud, he’s pressing some friction on it so your hands that are on his hair grasp it harder. He chuckles at your desperate action, your legs trying to escape from the euphoric pleasure so bad he has to hold onto it. “Soobin! Oh my–god!”
Your legs start quivering so much, the build-up is insane, three of his fingers start moving inside your cunt uncontrollably, hitting all the right spots. You squeal as his skilled fingers continue making a mess of you, the sheets wet with your cream as you feel your high approaching quickly. Soobin watches you closely in amusement, your thrown back head, eyes rolled to the back, mouth open. You never look so beautiful, gorgeous, very stunning, he could not take his eyes off you.
“Love you too, y/n. So much, baby. Come for me, hmm? I got you,” his soft voice accompanies your loud whines. Beyond his expectation, he’s getting more than what he wanted. As the pleasure increases, you could not hold it in so you suddenly squirt all over him. Your surprising outcome that shocks even you makes you squeal, as you hold onto his shoulder for support. You have never even squirted before.
“Oh fuck, fuck, baby,” Soobin groans, collecting the liquid to smear it all over your aching pussy. “You just did that, for me?”
You are given not much time to recollect your thoughts when you are suddenly being wrapped around his arms, he’s setting you into another position. The touch on your hips are far from gentle as you are manhandled on all fours before him. Before you can complain, his tip is already inside, soon you are swallowing his whole length. Your eyes widen at the change of angle, much more intense than before.
“That was so hot, babe, damn, you want me to ruin you that bad? You like it when I’m fucking you rough?” he’s whispering in your ears, hand coming down to land a smack on your pretty flesh bare on his hips.
“Mmngh, oh! Sen—sensitive, oh please,” your weak hands wobbly in finding support on the sheets, grabbing whatever you can to stay arched for him.
He stays silent at your plea, ignoring it as the slapping skin of his against your increases in sound, his thrust fast and precise for his own release. Your drenched pussy makes nasty noises as his cock rams inside, sounding like music to his ears. "You can take it, come on, be a big girl," leaves his lips wheneve your legs almost give up, his big hands hold you up, not letting you go anywhere further than now.
“Look so cute, you want to be filled, sweetie?” he’s dirty talking now, your mind already going anywhere you find yourself nodding desperately. His cock twitches inside, forcing you to take the whole of him, his tip dangerously poking to your cervix by now. And god, does it feel so good.
“Yes, come in me please,” the honeyed voice of yours could never make him deny you, you are his baby after all, his length buried so deep inside you before his hips shake. The thrust is now shaky and unstable as his cum spills, warming your inside. “Argh, fucking take it!” Soobin grunts.
Immediately after he’s done, he’s pulling himself out, letting the combined release of yours leak. Carefully, he takes your waist, helping you to lay on your back, head pillowed by the softness of your plushie on the bed. You moan at the sight around your legs, his lips pressing kisses around your thighs, anywhere near your pussy but there to not let the oversensitivity overcome you. Your eyes then follow his movement, kneeling to scoot closer to you as he removes the hair strand from your face.
“Satisfied?”
“Never have been so before. Thank you, I love you,” you confess. His hands are now finding home on your back, wrapping you in a warm embrace.
“Love you more, baby. Did it hurt?” he’s asking, eyes wandering around your expression for honesty, afraid he has taken it too far. Your head shakes as you smile, convincing him that all is good. He lets out a sigh of relief, your night spent together while he takes care of you like always.
#txt smut#txt hard hours#txt hard thoughts#kpop smut#soobin hard hours#soobin x you#choi soobin smut#soobin smut#soobin hard thoughts
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Twelve Christmases
no specific chapter tags
read below or on ao3
Day 11: 2024
They didn't work on calls together often. Or, at all, really. But today was an exception. Today, Tommy was on the ground and the fire required help from five different stations. It took hours to get it under control, and then they were getting everything cleaned up. Tommy was pretty sure he could get back to Harbor without ever seeing Buck.
However, as that thought crossed his mind, and because the universe had it out for him, he was suddenly face to face with Buck, who was staring at him with his mouth hanging slightly open.
"H- Hi, To-"
“I started going to therapy,” Tommy blurted.
Buck cocked his head to the side. “Y- You did? When?”
“I made an appointment two days after we,” he paused, took a breath, “after I broke up with you.”
“Oh, that's... that's good, Tommy. I mean, I- I guess that's good. That's good, right?”
Tommy nodded. “Yeah, it's good.”
“Well, then. Good.”
There was a few seconds of awkward silence.
Until.
“I've been wanting to text you since we broke up.” Seemed like it was Buck's turn to blurt something out.
“I've been wanting to text you too.”
“Yeah, the bubbles.”
Tommy's eyebrows furrowed. “The bubbles?”
Buck shook his head. “Nothing. It's... nothing. I just feel like we left a lot of things unsaid. Most things were left unsaid, actually. I'd like to change that. I'd like to try to change that.”
Tommy pursed his lips, trying to maintain his composure. It was getting more difficult by the second though, so he let go. “Buck, I'm a disaster,” he admitted, shoulders slumping. “I mean a huge, giant, massive disaster. There's been- There's so much that I...” his voice trailed off as he tried to find the right words. “It's years, and years, and years of traumas that built up, and I just kinda pushed them away and built a wall between me and all of that so that I could appear to be...”
“Comfortable?” Buck suggested.
Tommy smiled sadly. “Yeah.”
“I get that,” Buck replied. “It wasn't like I was really my best self either. I- I think I never let myself see past your wall. I knew there had to be more there, and I ignored it because you seemed so confident all the time and I kind of, maybe, took advantage of that.”
“No,” Tommy disagreed, stepping closer to Buck. “I never let you see beyond the wall, because the second it tore down I knew that it would just be this huge mess pouring out all over you and you don't deserve that, Buck. You deserve someone who actually has it together.”
“Tommy, what makes you think I have it together? I don't know what I'm doing. I think that's pretty obvious from the last time we spoke. I kinda made a fool out of myself.”
“Buck, it wasn't you,” Tommy tried to explain. “I decided from the start that I'd let you set the pace, and that was my mistake. I didn't realize your pace would feel like warp speed to me, and I would spend every day just trying to catch up. That's not fair to either of us.”
“Well i- it's not your fault that I'm so impulsive that I jumped over at least three steps when I asked you to move in with me and I just expected you to jump too. That wasn't fair either.”
Tommy took a deep breath, smiling slightly. “Sounds like I'm not the only one who's been going to therapy."
Buck laughed, rolling his eyes. “Every Tuesday, 4pm.”
“I'm Thursday's at five.”
Buck opened his mouth to speak when a voice came over the radio. “Leaving in five, Buck,” Bobby said. “Gotta head back.”
“Be there in a minute, Boss,” Buck replied.
He looked back up at Tommy. “I'd really, uh, like to talk to you, Tommy. Wh- When we're not in the middle of a shift. I'd, um, I'd like to get to know you. All of you.”
Tommy felt vulnerable. Exposed in a way he hadn't ever let himself feel before, and he and Buck hadn't even really said much. “I'm still trying to get to know myself."
“That's okay. I realized a few years back that that never really stops. I'd still like to talk. I think we both need that.”
“Yeah,” Tommy agreed. “Yeah, I'd like to get to know you too. All of you.”
“Okay. Good, um, j- just text me, okay? Whenever. I'll... I'll be here.”
“I will,” Tommy assured him, then added with a smirk. “I won't just bubble you.”
Buck smiled. “Ah, so you did know what I was saying?”
“Of course. I saw your bubbles too.”
Then Buck was clearing the rest of the space between them, wrapping his arms around Tommy in a hug. “Merry Christmas, Tommy,” he whispered, face practically buried in Tommy's neck.
Once Tommy's brain caught up to what was happening, he returned the hug, holding Buck tight.
“Merry Christmas, Evan.”
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Idk if you do small oneshots if not I'm sorry
But ever since I saw the a human ended on Cybertron with Megatronus I've been screaming internally by how adorable it was, could you do a small Megatronus x human story where the little human sneaked out and when it came back it was all full of mud and so Megatronus gave them a bath like he does in the "what if a human ended in Cybertron"
hello yes i am happy to do one shot. hope you will enjoy it.
Little heaven
This is not right. You are not supposed to be here at all. stifling your scream, you jumped out of the way of huge bot, who did not even noticed you, continuing on it’s way while chuting with another bot. You then had to quickly gather your self as to not get stomped to death by another bot, rushing towards the gutters, not caring if you gonna find your self among trash and mud. You stutter a bit, feeling gag coming up and started coughing. How did all come to this?
Well you used to live a peaceful life on earth – working, having your own rented apartment, hell you were even going for promotion until you wee suddenly kidnapped by huge bug like creatures, who kept you for experiments, which were not pretty. One day you managed to escape the ship, only to run in to battlefield between your captors and huge fucking robots. You had to run for cover with all your might, trying not to scream as explosion rung all around you and ground shook. Finally running behind a huge rock, you sight with relief for a moment, looking up and trying to figure out your next step while your heartbeat echoed in your head. It did not last long as one of the biggest bots suddenly took cover behind the same rock and looked down, notisisng you.
Megatronus had to take cover, the fire was to much to take and he need to come up with some kind of tactic, diving for cover behind one of many metal rocks, taking a break for a second until he noticed movement in the corner of his optic. Quickly looking down, expecting a grenade only to find some strange small creature, cowering before his presence. It looked like it was made out of the same thing like Quintessons, but instead this little one did not had metal plating. N fact you looked like nothing like Quintessons, more like a cybertronion in fact. Just made out of flash and with strange things on your head. He had no time to think as an actual grenade landed next to you and quickly grabbed you, surprised for a moment just how small you are and returned the grenade to sender. When all was over and Quintessons ran, he let a sigh of relief, letting his shoulders slump with ease and focus on you, still on his fist pressed against his chest. Slowly pulling his servo away from his chest and unwrapped it, he saw that the strange thing was still alright, just scream and cowering in his hand, not bigger then his digits. Cocking his helm a bit, he nudged you with one of his digits, feeling your soft flesh give in and you whimper from suden touch. He looked up alerting others and changed the grip on you, piking you up by scarf of your clothes, showing you off to others. And with that your fate was sealed. You were brought to place, quickly figure out that those who took you in was some kind of royalty, living in a very-very big place with gold and other luxury. Out of 13 strange robots he seemed to be the tallest and the meanest, well at least when in publick, in privet you found out he was quite soft, choosing to shower you in affection, tenderness and “love”. You felt like some kind of chihuahua dog to be honest, a candy eye or something like his. All your communication attempts were discarded like gibberish and intelligible, though you did learn how to repeat his name in rough ways, but it was now shown like some kind of party trick to others. You would always be by his side no matter what, meeting, walking or just doing simple boring work, you must be there. You “followed” him around either by ridding his shoulder or ridding a strange floating pad that would never stray away from him, which you honestly did not prefer as your legs would wobble any time you tired to stand up. When you were alone with him, he would take of his mask, showing a surprisingly soft face for someone with his status and would let deep soft rumble when you were brave enough to reach and touch it. He would also pet you time to time with his huge digits, running them across your hair or your back, something that helped him o calm down or relax during boring meetings. You were also provided some kind of armour, small and somewhat resembling his, but you still did your best not to wear it. But now you used it to your advantage. With enough materials, you managed to get time of being alone and snuck out, climbing down a huge tower and getting on to the streets of strange metal city. Though you did not plan this far and had to quickly hide in gutters just to stay alive, silently regretting running away. You slumped against the wall, trying to calm your heart from beating like crazy all while trying to form next step of plan. Surely if you return the big one won’t be to happy to see you like this and learn that you snuck off, on the other hand maybe if you scavenged around a bit more you might find a way home. Nodding to your self, you pushed your self up and strated traversing though pipes, hoping to find a way to the surface.
Megatronus reached his room after another boring meeting, he really did not wanted to sit there without you, but you were asleep in your little nest of pillow so he decided to et you rest. He rumble with joy as he slowly walked up to the nest only to freeze. You were not there, and a strange rope like structure hand down from the edge. You made this to escape. Why? How? When? All sort of questions run though his mind as he looked all over his quarters, trying to find you hiding somewhere. You were not there, leading to the only way he can find you. Piking up a tablet, he turned it on and immideatly got your location. He knew you would do this someday, just not this soon, so he installed a tracker in to your armour, which was a great gift from Solus, he really should thank them. Watching a small red dot on map moved slowly, he resumed you were looking for safe space and with map in hand, left the quarters and ventured down in to Iacon. Of course he immideatly got all the unwanted attention, he just kept walking, following the small dot, guessing you got in to gutter system as he was literally walking on top of you now, silently following. Soon he was left alone by his people and managed to follow you in to the exit, stopping and waititng. It did not even took a click for you to climb out, looking around for any danger, yet failing to see him right behind you, and climb out. You looked horrible and miserable, almost falling over immideatly and trying to get up. He wanted to see what is it you planed, letting out a huff, that gave him away as you turned around so fats he ha to tack a step back. You strated screaming and ran, probably looking for another hole to hide, yet your size gave you a lot of advantage just as many disadvantages, like being small and slow. He quickly wrapped his servos around you, piking you up and heading back, ignoring your weird chatter and kicking and soft punches. You were just upset about being cough for doing something you were not, but for now he was glad you were relatively alright. Returning to his room, he left you in a box, knowing now that your little nest could serve as escape plan as well, leaving to go get some cleaning supplies to help you clean off. Upon his return you were sulking in the corner, refusing to say anything and just let him do what ever he wants, which was much batter then with you fighting him all the way. Piking you up, he easily took the armour of and gently lowered you in to a cube with water getting first layer of muck off, than added the soap and started slowly rubbing the mud of you. Ususaly he would let you do it by your self, knowing how you valued this small moment of privacy and how violently you fought for this, but now it was sort of punishment for running away, not letting you do it by your self at all. When you were done, he wrapped you up in towel and hold you close, just happy that he managed to find you before any harm come to you and quietly pondered if it will be best to make sure you won’t run away again. EVER.
#transformers#transformers one#transformers x reader#transformers x human#megatronus prime#soft#writing#answering
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cw: arguing, mc has this red flag, inaccurate, rushed, I don't know what I was writing, not proofread
Sometimes, you're also the one at fault when it comes to arguments, the one who bursts out the most.
Whenever that happens, you two are not on good terms, obviously. You two won't speak to each other for hours and hours, days, maybe even weeks if the fight was really that serious. Funny thing is, you're the one who avoids him and refuses to be in the same room alone with him.
Belphie who scoffs whenever he sees you and notices how you're doing everything you can to avoid him as if he's the one at fault. This demon right here waits until you come up to him with an apology, he won't ask for it, he will wait until it comes out of your lips. He tells himself that he's going to play along with you, but deep down, he misses you so fucking much and just wants to cuddle. He knows you feel the same way and you're just being stubborn. Neither of you will approach each other unless you do it first. You're the one at fault after all, he thinks.
He acts pretty nonchalant and just eats all he wants as usual, but Beel is actually feeling sad that you two haven't made up yet. Unless the fight was really REALLY serious, he'll be the sweetheart he is and try to talk to you after a few days. Otherwise, neither of you will even bat an eye to look at each other and it's unusually awkward between you two.
Asmo is very verbal or sassy about it. He will yell it out loud even in public if he's feeling shameless enough. Something like "I'm waiting!!!" and he means he's waiting for an apology. Most of the time, it fuels the fire and you just hate being with him even more so more avoidance happens. One time, he came home drunk with Solomon assisting him home while he vents and rants about how you won't apologize to him, but he doesn't care about that now and just wants to be with you.
Gets so angry, Satan just wants to thrash everything around but stops himself because he convinces himself that he didn't do anything wrong. He keeps telling himself how he tried to stay calm this time, but it didn't work out with you. Once he notices you avoiding him, he's doing the same thing. He acts like nothing happened even though he feels mixed emotions about feeling so distant to you.
Levi goes to his room and tries not to cry while the heated exchange replays nonstop in his head. He plays his video games or watches anime while being next to one of his favourite plushies or body pillows. He starts talking to Henry, venting and all that. Then he starts missing you, but he will also avoid you and refuse to look at you. He just wants to hear "sorry" and starts self-sabotaging.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it" says Mammon while he paces around his room. He doesn't know why he's the one feeling anxious, but he also kinda knows why. I mean, it's you sooo... And Mammon can't sit still for the rest of the day and the following. He's also pissed that you're the one avoiding him when he just wanna talk about it but he wants you to initiate the conversation. This man can't sleep. He won't sleep.
There was this shocked, disappointed, upset, angry, and low-key sad expression all mixed in Lucifer's face the moment you walked out of the room. He doesn't stop you, but his pride is so hurt especially when you barely show up to him the following days after the argument. He doesn't send you a message, letter, gifts, or anything. He's just there, upset with you but wouldn't say anything. So he's basically doing the same thing Satan is doing. Acting like nothing happened.
Eventually, once you gain the courage to approach him and talk things out, these men are down bad for you and would pretend to consider your apology even though they're beyond happy that you've finally talked to them.
Once you two are on good terms again, expect a bunch of cuddles, dates, clinginess, etcetera etcetera.
a/n: the reason why I have not posted for so long is because of writer's block, as you can probably tell. I'm sorry for this poor quality of work, I promise you that I can do better than this😭 I'm looking for some fics that I've written and are finished or semi finished. I'll try posting those. As for the requests I've received (that I have not yet answered or started doing, please forgive me), I'll get to it soon and I'll do my very best to give you guys what you're asking for.
Also, the Obey Me! announcement and ending has taken a huge toll on me, so bear with me while I continue grieving please lmao hahaha (I'm not ok)
#and i mean this is me#im guilty im sorry#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me nightbringer#obey me x reader#obey me fic#obey me lucifer#mammon obey me#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmo#obey me beel#obey me belphie#babi.writes
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Under the Tree (S.R)
Plot: Y/N decorates the apartment for Christmas with her boyfriend, Spencer Reid, and things get pretty cute between the two of them. Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader Contents: A sweet Christmas fic where they’re being cute and flirting with each other. Maybe it releases a lot of oxytocin. A/N: I hope you all like it! Merry Christmas to those who celebrate, and if you don’t, I hope you have a wonderful day anyway and enjoy this little piece of joy. Love you all, and thanks for reading my fics! Happy Holidays!
The sweet scent of hot chocolate filled the apartment as I curled up on the couch, wrapped in a soft blanket. Across the room, Spencer was intently focused on his self-proclaimed mission to “perfectly top” our Christmas tree. I watched him as he studied the golden star in his hands, his brows knit together in concentration as if he were tackling one of his impossibly complex equations. “If you spend five more minutes deciding the exact angle of that star, the tree’s gonna give up and decorate itself,” I teased, trying to hide my amusement behind a sip of hot chocolate.
He glanced at me over the rim of his glasses, a faint blush creeping up his cheeks. “Did you know that the probability of a Christmas tree being perfectly symmetrical is practically zero? The branches are almost always uneven, even if they’re artificial.”
I raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Is that your fancy way of blaming the tree for how long this is taking?”
He turned back to the tree, the corner of his mouth twitching as he fought back a smile. “I’m not taking that long,” he said, climbing carefully onto a slightly wobbly chair. “I just want it to be… perfect.”
“It’s already perfect, Spencer,” I said softly, my words more for me than for him.
But he heard me. Spencer paused mid-movement and glanced over his shoulder. His gaze was steady, the warmth in his brown eyes making my chest tighten in the best way. “You think so?”
“Yeah,” I replied with a small smile, meeting his gaze. “And I’m not talking about the tree.”
His ears turned a deeper shade of red, and I couldn’t help but laugh quietly. He always got adorably flustered when I caught him off guard like that. But this time, instead of deflecting or looking away, he stepped down from the chair, the star forgotten in his hand, and walked toward me with deliberate calmness.
“You know,” he began, leaning one hand on the back of the couch as he hovered just a little too close, “flirting is actually considered a sign of intelligence.”
“Oh, really?” I asked, my voice softening despite the playful edge in his tone. “So, what does that say about you, Dr. Reid?”
His lips curved into a smirk, the kind that made my heart race and my knees feel just a little weaker. “It says I have exceptional intelligence... and impeccable taste.”
Heat rose to my face, but I managed to keep my composure, raising an eyebrow at him. “Humble as always.”
He chuckled, settling onto the couch beside me and tugging the blanket over both of us. His arm slipped around my shoulders, pulling me closer, and I leaned into his warmth without hesitation.
“You want to know something else interesting?” he asked, his voice dropping slightly, the rasp in it sending a pleasant shiver through me.
“Let me guess,” I said, tilting my head to look at him. “You’re about to hit me with another weirdly sexy statistic?”
Spencer laughed, the sound low and warm, and I couldn’t help but smile. “I could,” he admitted, his eyes sparkling with mischief, “but I was thinking of something a little more practical.”
“Like what?”
He didn’t answer immediately, his gaze dropping to my lips. “Like the fact that you’ve got hot chocolate on the corner of your mouth.”
Before I could react, he leaned in and wiped the spot with his thumb, his touch lingering just a moment too long. My breath hitched, and I swore his smirk grew as he noticed my reaction.
“All fixed,” he said softly, his voice casual, but his eyes held that undeniable spark that left me completely disarmed.
“Thanks… I guess,” I managed, my voice quieter than I intended.
“No need to thank me,” he replied, leaning in to press a quick, feather-light kiss to my cheek. His lips were gone before I could fully process the touch, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. “But if you wanted to repay me,” he added, his voice lower, more daring, “I have a few ideas.”
I laughed, trying to steady my racing heart. “Ideas, huh? Like what?”
He leaned back slightly, his lips curving into a smile that was equal parts playful and enticing. “Well,” he began, his tone light but purposeful, “we could finish decorating the gingerbread cookies. You know, keep things wholesome. Or…” His voice dipped, his gaze locking on mine, “we could forget about the cookies entirely and stay right here. See where this... takes us.”
I tilted my head, pretending to consider his words as my pulse hammered in my ears. “And what exactly do you think ‘this’ is going to lead to, Spence?”
He didn’t hesitate, shifting closer until his knee brushed mine, his presence impossibly magnetic. “That’s the best part,” he murmured, his voice soft but full of meaning. “I don’t know yet. But I’m pretty confident I’ll like wherever it goes.”
#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x reader#dr spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fandom#doctor spencer reid#spencer x reader#spencer reid x fem!readr#christmas#christmas fic
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What is it you love so much about Eiffel? Asking as a fellow Eiffel Lover, I'm just interested in your response!
i've been holding onto this one for a while, in part because i know there's no complete answer to this and i could probably just talk forever, but it's almost his birthday, so... in the spirit of dougmas:
what i love about eiffel as a character is that he feels like a real person. he's full of these very human contradictions: he's a coward, he can be exceptionally brave, he's considerate and thoughtful, he's got his head up his ass, he's a mediator by nature, he's frustratingly stubborn and will dig his heels in about the pettiest things, he's very technically capable, he's a master of weaponized incompetence. he's stupid in ways only a very smart person can be, and has a certain kind of self-hating self-centeredness. he has very firmly held morals and wants to do right by people, and he struggles to reconcile those beliefs with the unforgivable things he's nonetheless done; he has very real and serious flaws that the narrative doesn't flinch away from, but neither exonerates nor condemns him for. he's so entangled with the heart of the show, its themes and relationships, that you couldn't have wolf 359 without doug eiffel, and - as a friend of mine once said - if you put eiffel in any other show, he'd turn it into something resembling wolf 359 as well. and as gabriel urbina said about pan-pan: "he's the communications officer; without him, they stop communicating." he's a compassionate portrayal of an addict, and a very real and nuanced example of a kind-hearted man who's still used to thinking of himself as the "default" kind of person, and is still learning how to deconstruct the biases that come with that.
what i love about eiffel as a person is that he's someone i'd want in my life. he's a very sincere and emotionally honest person; he doesn't have hidden agendas, and you know exactly where you stand with him. he hates authority, he hates work, and he won't suck up or pretend otherwise - in fact, he'll create more work for himself if it means he can avoid doing his job, on principle. if he has a grievance about something, oh, you'll know. at the same time, he has this infectious enthusiasm about the things he loves, and the things that excite him, and he's a geeky guy into primarily 80s/90s nostalgic media who doesn't feel the need to gatekeep. i love his voice, i love how expressive he is, i love how you can hear the same mannerisms you can see in the live show just in the very open-body-language way he emotes. he has a very distinct former class clown type of energy, and i think that goes hand in hand with an underlying loneliness. he can be pretty clueless, he speaks before he thinks and has chronic foot-in-mouth disease, but… doug eiffel is the kind of person who would notice if someone was standing alone in the corner at a party, and would go out of his way to make them feel included. he's good at getting people to open up, even if it's in spite of themselves, even if it's while they're rolling their eyes at him. he's a staunch pacifist who - even when things piss him off - doesn't react to conflict with violence or threats of violence, and he can't stand to have things stay bottled up: if there's one thing eiffel wants everyone to do, it's talk about it. whatever it is. he has a good balance of traits that make him feel genuine and warm without coming across preachy or suspiciously softened; he's also very much still a gross dirtbag with a lot of annoying flaws typical of some average guy, and that's a huge part of his appeal to me. he's good with his hands. he likes building stuff and taking things apart. he's rough around the edges in ways that reflect his life experience, and he's just… a guy who has lived a life, who has a lot of life experience, but hasn't made a lot of true friends in the process. he's gotten used to being lonely, and gotten used to telling himself he's fine with it, and something in me really aches for that.
his birthday is a good - and timely - example: he's a man in his 30s still holding onto childhood hurt, having his birthday forgotten and overshadowed by christmas. i'm also a christmas hater, so it's nice to have something else to celebrate and prioritize, and i like imagining his disgust at all of the unavoidable holiday trappings; it makes me feel less alone. i wouldn't say i relate to eiffel, more that i feel we have compatible issues, and it's not a secret that he's the type of guy i find attractive. he feels like a real person that i already know and love, and at the same time he's representative of the kind of person i'd like to know, like his life would fit comfortably into mine.
#wolf 359#w359#doug eiffel#and i think he'd give great hugs.#this is so long and it could be longer i'm sorry i'm mildly insane#i know gabriel urbina would probably be mortified i feel this way about eiffel but. well. look. there's someone for everyone okay#also of course there are some other more personal things and this isn't even getting into the dynamics he has with other characters#and hera in particular and why that matters so much to me but well. this is sappy enough. you can infer whatever.#thank you for asking <3
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jealousy, jealousy !
a/n: my ramble about yasu! i’ve loved this man since sixth grade so i hope u like it as much as i loved writing it rheheheheheeh
cw: jealous yasu, p in v, cream pies, roughish sex
yasu’d watched dozens of women be persuaded by takumi, always watching from the sidelines as takumi would smirk, lean in close to them and mention how he had a hotel room big enough for two. yasu had always disapproved, shaking his head and rolling his eyes, but who was he to say anything? until now. you were young, a groupie of BLAST, probably in your first year of college if yasu had to guess. and pretty, just like takumi liked, just like yasu liked, long hair and doe eyes enough to make any man swoon.
you’d come to nana’s apartment, an early fan meaning you’d worked your way up to a friendship with the members, and the trapnest members had joined as well. you all sat around the nana’s kitchen table playing poker and sipping on beers as everyone but you and hachiko chain smoked cigarettes. takumi sat close to you, too close, as he whispered something yasu couldn’t make out in your ear. you blushed a bit, flustered as you pushed takumis chest playfully making yasu cringe. he was at his limit by now, watching how takumi had flirted with you all night, be began to feel his blood boil over. he didn’t know why he was so protective over you, maybe it was how young you were, your innocent nature. or maybe it was the way your doe eyes would lock with his, brushing your hair over your shoulder with a big smile, that made his cock stir in his pants.
the night carried on, with everyone getting more and more drunk as takumi had found the courage to wrap his arm around your waist, pulling you close. it was nearing two in the morning at this point and yasu knew if he didn’t put an end to this you’d just be another notch in takumis bed post (so to speak).
“i’ll walk you home.” yasu interjects just as takumi was about to slip you a hotel key. takumi eyes him scornfully as you mumble out an okay before sliding out of the booth seat.
the air was crisp as yasu and you walked the ten minutes to your small apartment, the silence suffocating as yasu searched for something to say.
“he’s not a good guy,” yasu settles on, looking at you from the top of his sunglasses he always wore, even late at night.
“who?” you spoke back, taking a turn as you look up at him.
“takumi.” yasu all but spits his name out as he sees your complex come into view, “just watch yourself with him, would you?”
you laugh then, loud and light, and it makes yasu almost stumble over his footing at hearing it. it’s nearing january and yasu notices your rosy cheeks and nose as your eyes crinkle up when you laugh and it makes yasu think things that made him feel downright disgusting.
“i can handle myself yasu.” you laugh more, bumping your shouldering into his arm as you enter your complex, yasu in toe.
you’re climbing the stairs as yasu continues to scold you on takumis “womanizer” ways and honestly you’re half listening as you give him an occasional eye roll.
“i’m not that interested in him.” you say honestly, reaching your apartment as you turn to look at him, “the flirting was harmless, i know better.” you speak out matter-of-factly with a nod to your head.
“you say that until he works you into his bed.” yasu crosses his arms over his chest as you unlock the door letting you both in to your small apartment.
“his bed isn’t the one i want to be in.” your tipsy self states before you could bite your tongue, and you have to resist slapping yourself against your forehead.
in reality, you’d always noticed how handsome yasu was, he was kind and handsome and spent so much time caring for you and everyone else it was hard to not develop a crush. but to almost expose yourself like this? how stupid could you be? you just hoped he didn’t press the matter.
he did in fact press the matter, leaning against the island of your kitchen as he hums out, “yeah? what does that mean? got a crush i don’t know about?”
you huff out, not wanting to press the matter further as you joke, “yeah it’s ren. you think nana’ll kill me?”
“no…. because you’re lying.” he rounds the island stepping close to you and he can smell your perfume and beer wafting off of you and it makes him stir as he tries to keep his composure. he need to stay calm, keep his hands to himself, be better then takumi. he can admit he was attracted to you, anyone with eyes would be attracted to you, but he had to remain calm. especially when you looked at him with that hazy, tipsy expression, your cheeks still flushed from the cold and alcohol as you leaned against his bigger frame for support.
“then i guess you’ll never know!” you laugh again, leaning closer into his body for support. he felt warm against you, safe like he always did, and you wondered if he felt this warm underneath his clothes, if he would burn you up with his body ontop of yours, if he— no. that wasn’t okay to think. and you’d hoped he hadn’t caught onto your thoughts.
but yasu wasn’t stupid, he’s noticed the way your body inched closer to his, how your legs clamped together, and yasu wondered if you’d felt the same. he wasn’t drunk, but he was tipsy enough to let his reason be diluted by alcohol. so when he turned himself around to face you, his chest pressed against your side, he noticed how you didn’t inch away from him and it thrilled him. he tested the waters then, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and turning you so your flush with his chest.
“who you thinkin about, sweetheart?” he asks, a raspy-ness to his voice that made you shudder. he moves a piece of hair away from your face, looking down at you as if he could eat you whole and you felt heat rise form within you. “promise i won’t tell.” he whispers.
and you’re not sure where the courage comes from, maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe it’s the heat rising from inside you but you shift your weight between your legs as you whisper out, “you.”
and that’s all yasu needs before he’s crashing himself into you, placing his lips against yours in a rough kiss which you immediately reciprocate. the kiss is hot and all tongue and teeth as he wraps one arm around your waist, the other hand finding itself wrapped up in your hair as he pushes his face into yours as he completely devours you. yasu pulls away long enough to look you in the eyes and speak lowly, “i’ve been waiting to hear you say that.”
you mewl as he begins to attack your neck with his lips, leaving open wet kisses from your jaw to your collar bone as he pushes your body impossibly closer against his. you can feel the tent in his pants pressing against you and it makes you shiver as your wrap your arms wrap his neck, leaning your head to give him more access to the hollow of your neck.
“jump.” he says, his voice full of lust and he lifts your body up onto the island. you waste no time as you part your legs letting him work himself between them as he grips the flush of your thighs pulling you closer to him.
“do you want this?” he mumbles into your ear, leaving wet kisses around it, “want me, angel?” he groans out when he feels you shift around, his voice affecting you in more ways then one.
“more than anything.” you breathe out as he works on pulling your top over your head, taking his large hands and palming your breasts through your lacey bra once he gets your top slipped off. you’re a mewling mess, whimpering beneath him, and it just eggs him on as he works on unclasping your bra.
once he works your bra off he wastes no time in attaching his lips around your nipple and he heard his first moan from you, broken and loud as you wiggle around underneath his touch. or fuels the fire from within him as he bites down on a nipple, causing you to yelp out.
“keep making sounds like that pretty girl, i won’t be able to help myself.” yasu groans, taking his hand and tweaking at your other nipple. you’re a moaning mess, rocking your hips for any sort of friction. yasu picks up on it, slipping his hand into the waistband of your skirt and underwear, ghosting your clit as you cry out for him. “you like that, hm? sweet thing.” he groans, pressing two fingers against your nub. you’re moaning and begging for more as he laughs softly, “patience, little girl.”
he begins circling your clit making your mouth open in a silent moan, his fingers are rough against your clit yet his movements are soft and delicate, enough to work you up to the edge quickly. “i’m gunna—“ you cry out, but he interrupts you, pulling his fingers away from your core causing you to cry out.
“not yet, pretty. bend over the island.” you do as he says, quickly adjusting yourself so your chest is pressed against the cool surface. you’re on the tips of your feet and you feel yasu lift your skirt up, pulling the lace of your underwear down. “god baby,” he groans out, taking palming your ass roughly, “you don’t know how long i’ve wanted this.” you hear his other hand pull his pants down, you can feel his cock spring out against you and it makes you mewl.
you turn to look, wide eyes as you realize just how big he is. long and thick and leaking precum and it makes you bite into your lip hard. “think you can take it all, angel?” he laughs, spreading you apart with his hands to marvel in your drooly cunt. “you’re fucking soaked.”
yasu takes his cock in his hands, rubbing it against your cunt, toying with your clit making you shiver. “mmmph!” you whine, pushing yourself towards him.
“greedy thing,” he groans out, lining himself up with your entrance, ��ready sweet girl?”
you nod as much as you can, a hazy expression over your face as you bite down on your lip harder. yasu pushes himself inside of you and you whine out loudly, it felt like he was invading you, large and completely filling you up. he’s groaning, deep and animalistic, as he goes slowly giving you time to adjust to him.
“fuck, sweet thing. fuck.” he moans out, pushing himself all the way into you. you’re gripping the smooth surface of the counter, whimpering as he begins a steady pace in and out of you. he goes slow at first, slow steady thrusts as he runs his hand up the expanse of you back.
“h-harder.” you whine out, face flushed as yasu nods his head, gripping your hips and slamming into you roughly. it jolts you forward legs hitting against the island as yasu begins fucking into you ruthlessly.
“look so pretty like this, yeah?” he hums fucking into you hard, “takumi couldn’t appreciate you like i can baby.” he moans, slamming your hips back against his cock as he thrusts into you. you’re a mess, whining and moaning underneath him as you cry out his name. he’s going impossibly fast, bullying your g spot with each thrust, your body knocking against the island as you turn into an overwhelmed mess. “that’s right, sweetheart. takin it so—“ he thrusts hard into you, “good.”
you can feel the heat inside you rise as yasus thrusts begin to feel sloppy. your whining and telling him you’re about to cum as he ruts into you, “hold it sweet thing. almost there.” he grunts out, leaning down to place open mouth kisses along your spine.
“cum.” he grunts out, and you both come undone. spasming around his cock as he cums deep inside of you. the heat of his cum makes you orgasm harder, your body convulsing and shaking as you whine out his name over and over. he’s grunting, practically growling, as his hips stutter and he releases inside of you mumbling on about how takumi could never make you feel this good. you’re both on cloud nine as your eyes glaze over and yasu bites into your shoulder to keep from screaming.
once calmed down, yasu pulls himself out of you, watching as his cum leaks down your leg, “gotta keep you forever now, baby. my girl.” he hums appreciatively, running his finger to collect some of his cum before pushing it back inside of you making you mewl out.
“you’re girl.” you agree, blissed out, as yasu places soft kisses along the curve of your body.
“always.”
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Mirror
Rin x GN!Reader
Comfort Angst, experiences of anxiety attacks, Reader and Rin are both kind of obsessive lmao, some threats of violence but nothing happens, established relationship and also merry christmas though this fic has nothing to do with that!!
“Speak for yourself. I’m perfectly logical.” He eventually retorts. You actually laugh at that, though it definitely sounds weak and shaky even to your own ears. “…stupid.” You say with a fond smile. “At least I can be honest with myself.”
It’s a sunny day as you watch your boyfriend on the field, his figure distant as you sit in the stands, watching him practice. The birds are chirping, a few fluffy clouds decorate the sky and the temperature is mild if not a bit warm… it’s a beautiful day.
And you’re pissed off.
Not at him, almost never at him despite his oftentimes abrasive and harsh demeanor. But then again, you’ve always been exceptionally lenient when it comes to Rin.
No, the reason you’re pissed off isn’t because of Rin, rather it’s because of your own issues, your own stewing jealousy when a particularly pretty girl happened to confess her feelings to your handsome boyfriend in the form of a note in his locker.
Obviously, he rejected her, in that blunt way of his, but even then you couldn’t help but notice how he took the time to make sure he rejected her in person, still respecting her feelings despite the fact that he didn’t return them.
And it really shouldn’t bother you… but you’ve always been, unhinged, to say the least.
It’s hard to explain exactly, but, when it comes to the people in your life, when it comes to hobbies you have, anything that you’re passionate about, you tend to get absorbed in those things in a rather unhealthy way.
Like that time you dropped all your plans to cheer up your best friend when she was only mildly upset, or that time you watched a series and then made it your entire personality for a month straight… you’ve always been a tad obsessive.
And when it comes to you, it feels more juvenile to feel this way.
It’s hard to explain, but you’ve always been more emotionally honest than Rin, and for that reason you feel like you come off as more needy.
Or maybe that means you’re more emotionally mature.
Or not.
You don’t know, you hate going in circles like this, pacing around in your own mind. Sometimes you wonder if you were more like Rin and ignored your feelings it would be less annoying. But you suppose that self awareness is one of your strengths.
Although, you have to admit, self awareness is also a curse when you have to deal with your own negative emotions rather than having a philosophical discussion, which brings you back to your conflicting feelings.
You don’t like being jealous, no one does, but you feel especially icky about the types of thoughts it brings. You don’t like the fact that your first thought towards this girl was so negative, you don’t like the fact that you feel like a worse person because of that and you don’t like the fact that a very primal part of you wants to march over onto that field and kiss your boyfriend senseless for no reason other than to see his swollen lips afterwards.
Normally, you’d have no problem talking about your feelings with Rin, as emotionally closed off and brash as he is, but something about this makes you feel like you want to stick your head into a hole in the ground, much like an ostrich. Or, to put it plainly, you’re a mess and you’re losing your mind trying not to implode with all your emotions.
Imploding can wait though, you’ll dissect this when you get home, right now you’ll throw on a smile and talk to your boyfriend who you are most certainly not creating scenarios of sneaking off with this pretty girl with her stupid pretty smile and her dumbass cute hairstyle–
Right.
No imploding.
You sigh and shake your head, looking back at the field, watching as Rin begins to wrap up his practice and take that as your cue to make your way over to him after you hop off of your seat in the risers.
As you near him you can make out his features more distinctly, the sharp curve of his jaw, the length of his under lashes, the pretty teal of his eyes… he’s stupidly handsome as always, and it makes you feel even more ticked off, though you do your best to suppress those thoughts.
“Hey, you.” You say with a smile, picking up his water bottle from the bench and tossing it his way as if practiced, and he catches it with ease, popping the cap off to take a drink, his eyes meeting yours.
To this day, you can’t tell if you hate making eye contact with him or if you adore it.
“...Hey.” He answers after swallowing, his gaze darting across your form.
You’re not entirely sure what he’s searching for, but you hope he doesn’t notice anything different in your demeanor.
“I’d say you did good out there but I’d be lying if I implied I knew what I was looking for.” You say, in your usual slightly self-deprecating demeanor.
He scoffs, his eyes rolling slightly. “You don’t need to know anything, it’s me.”
Cocky bastard.
“That’s annoyingly cool of you to say.” You say with a small laugh. “I need to learn some one liners like that from you.”
“I wouldn’t bother trying.” He retorts, pushing his hair back in a move that nearly makes you choke on your saliva from how annoyingly good he looks before speaking again. “...how was your day?”
“Fine.” You answer almost too quickly, before pausing to elaborate.
“Just a regular day I mean, nothing extraordinary happened, unless you count the amount of times that I watched someone trip over that crack on the sidewalk.”
Rin furrows his brow. “What crack?”
“You haven’t seen it? It’s like right outside the window in homeroom, like right by the tree.”
“...is that what you’ve been paying attention to? Not the goddamn teacher?”
“Only sometimes! Besides, I’ve seen like five people almost eat shit, it’s entertaining in it’s own right.”
“You’re hopeless, this is the reason–”
You sigh. “Look, my grades are fine, I’m fine, let’s just move on instead of turning this into another stupid “see this is why you should focus more” speeches.”
He tilts his head at you, squinting like you’ve grown two heads, and you feel both annoyed and weirdly vulnerable under his analytical gaze.
“What?” You ask, almost defensively.
“You…” He says with a small frown. “What’s wrong with you?”
You laugh, though it sounds more like a scoff, and this time it’s more out of a sense of disbelief. “Wow, okay, rude. Do you want my therapist’s notes or something, jackass?”
Immediately after the words leave your mouth you feel yourself regretting them. They’re juvenile, stupid and childish and you can feel your face grow warm.
Great, you can’t even pretend right, what good are you?
His eyes narrow. “Maybe I do, maybe that’ll help me understand why you’re acting like–”
“Like a bitch?” You interrupt.
Oh gods. What are you doing? What is this?
He blinks at you, as if taken aback by your suggestion. “What the hell are you talking about?”
You close your mouth, feeling everything bubble up again inside you, the jealousy, the insecurities, the annoyance, the embarrassment, all of it is swirling inside you and suddenly it just feels like you’re choking on the weight of all of it, like it’s stuck in your throat.
It’s silent for a while, his hard gaze boring into you while you stand there, feeling like a complete idiot, chewing on your tongue while you try to find the will to speak.
He sighs then, breaking the silence between the two of you before speaking again. “...talk to me.”
And you do. You do want to talk to him, whether it’s to brush him off, or to open up, anything would be fine, you just want to speak. But you can’t.
There are too many thoughts, too many things piling up, but you just need to speak, just speak, speak–
He furrows his brow at the continued silence. “...if you have a problem, tell me, but if you’re just going to be childish and give me the silent treatment then this conversation is over.”
Childish? You’re not childish, you just can’t talk, it’s not your fault–
Is it?
Is it your fault?
Gods who are you kidding, of course it’s your fault, you can’t even fucking talk how pathetic is that? No wonder he’s looking at other girls you can barely even hold a goddamn conversation, not to mention, she’s so pretty and you’re not– maybe if you could just write some words down– but fucking hell you’re so childish, he’s right, you’re not ready for a relationship– all you have to do is say something– he must fucking hate you–
It’s only when you have to take a breath that you remember where you are, and Rin is staring at you with a look you haven’t seen before.
Shocked maybe?
But you don’t think you’ve done anything shocking, until you feel a warm tear roll down your face.
Ah shoot. You’re actually a moron, you’re crying. In front of him.
Come on, raise your hand, wipe away your tears, you’re fine.
Move your fucking hand.
Move.
Just do something. Don’t just stand there.
You take a breath, wiping away your tears with your hand.
Good. Now speak.
“...” You part your lips shakily to speak. “I–”
A sob escapes your lips and you slap your hand over your mouth and turn away from him, letting the tears just stream down your face.
“Shit.” Rin says softly from behind you, and you distantly think that if you were watching from an outsider's perspective that this would be hilarious.
Okay, stop, calm down, breathe. You’re fine.
You let out another muffled sob as your breathing runs ragged.
Okay, no, you’re not fine.
“(Name).” Rin says, in a tone so soft you’re almost taken by surprise, and you can feel his presence behind you, closer than before.
He places his hand on your shoulder and gently turns you back to face him, and you notice through watery eyes that his water bottle is back on the bench. You’re not sure why you notice that, but you think it's because you can’t stand to make eye contact right now.
“Listen to me.” He murmurs, his voice soft yet firm. “Breathe slowly, in and out, okay?”
Right. You can do that. In and out.
It takes a few breaths, but eventually you manage to get to the point where your breathing is less rapid, and it’s then that you muster the courage to look him in the eyes again.
It’s a small relief to you that you don’t see any judgment in his eyes, just concern.
“...what’s wrong (Name)?”
It takes you a bit to respond, but you’re finally able to speak after you pull your hand from your mouth, looking at his water bottle again.
“...I’m… ashamed.” You say quietly, and the admission feels like you’re being stabbed in the gut.
“Ashamed?” Rin asks, furrowing his brow again. “Why are you ashamed?”
You don’t even want to begin to explain yourself, but you figure you might as well just get it over with.
“... that girl, she confessed to you. I was jealous– I am jealous, and I feel stupid, because it’s embarrassing and I feel immature.”
He looks at you for a moment, really looks at you and then scoffs.
“You’re…” He pauses and then looks at you, seemingly thinking better of his words before speaking again with a sigh. “...you’re too harsh on yourself.”
You simply shake your head. “No, it’s dumb, and I was mean to you and I was mean to that girl in my head and I shouldn’t have–”
“Then what about me?” He asks sharply.
“What?” You respond, looking back at him again, confusion taking over.
“I–” He starts before huffing out a breath, his cheeks turning pink as he looks away. “You think I’m any better? At least you have the decency to be ashamed.”
You blink, the quiet settling around you.
Well, thinking on it now, it’s not like you’re the only one who’s like that, you’re no stranger to how Rin methodically practices his skills everyday, the way his eyes narrow into a glare when he sees his brother on screen, how he scoffs at your best friend when she hugs you in greeting… he’s just as bad as you, isn’t he?
Obsessive.
Jealous.
“…we’re so silly, aren’t we?” You ask, breaking the silence between the two of you. “So intense all the time, so needlessly absorbed, too emotional… You’re everything I despise about myself, but I don’t hate you. Aren’t we so strange?”
Rin looks at you finally, a complicated look on his face, flickering through emotions.
“Speak for yourself. I’m perfectly logical.” He eventually retorts.
You actually laugh at that, though it definitely sounds weak and shaky even to your own ears.
“…stupid.” You say with a fond smile. “At least I can be honest with myself.”
You look at him for a moment.
“I like to think I’m good with words, at least when I’m not crying, but there’s so much I want to tell you that I can’t say in the way I want to… what on earth can I say to you?”
Rin looks at you, eyes boring into yours, but you can’t seem to find yourself to be intimidated this time. “Dumbass, you don’t need to say anything.”
You look at him, at his stupidly sweet soul that he tries to hide with harsh words, and let out a soft huff, uncharacteristically frustrated.
“…sometimes I want to hurt you, because you make me feel so much. I could rip you apart.”
Rin’s eyes widen, as if surprised by your words, and briefly you fear that you might have overstepped, before his eyes harden into a steely gaze.
“Idiot… you think you’re the only one who feels that way?”
You blink at his words, not expecting his response, much less how surprisingly honest it is.
It’s… This is new.
You expect him to recoil from your words, from your emotions, from you. You expect him to leave. But his response, his understanding, it makes you so… emotional.
You take in a shaky breath, tearing up again.
His reaction to that is instantaneous, his eyes widening in shock, a flicker of regret in his gaze. A beat of silence lapses between you two before he speaks, his tone regretful.
“(Name)… I didn’t mean—”
“No.” You say immediately, though your voice is still shaky as you blink harshly.
“Don’t apologize. And don’t take it back.” You speak, your voice cracking. “I’m not scared. You get me, I get you… we’re a mess, but I’ll never find someone like you, and I don’t want to.”
You take a breath to steady yourself, before speaking again.
“I’m gonna say something, and you don’t have to say it back.” You say, before speaking again, your voice soft but firm. “...I love you.”
You’re not sure what possessed you to say it, those words that have been lurking in you for so long, and you for a moment, seeing his startled face, you wonder if you might have scared him off, if you were moving too fast, or maybe–
“Dumbass.” He says with a soft scoff before cupping your face and pulling you into a kiss.
It’s always so tongue heavy with Rin, and you’ve had to coax him in the past to appreciate a sweet, chaste kiss every once in a while, but you find this time you don’t mind this time as he desperately presses his lips against yours.
It’s his own way of saying it back to you.
#blue lock#blue lock x reader#bllk x reader#blue lock fluff#blue lock angst#itoshi rin#itoshi rin x reader#rin x reader#bllk rin#blue lock rin#aka: when the author realized she had a lot of things in common with rin#happy holidays cuties <3
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The deification of Jean Grey
When a 16 year old Jean Grey was bought to the present by Hank McIrresponsible, she was immediately confronted with the post-death canonisation the X-Men greater social circle had saddled her with. Big feelings and bigger expectations.
The worst of it was from people who'd never even met her, but those closest to her was no less fraught. Adult Scott was certainly affected by her presence, but he behaved the most normal about it (cough, Logan.)
This is a really cute conversation, clearly something Jean needs. Not sure I agree that Jean never had a chance. She made her choices as a hero but there's plenty that *could* have gone differently. Besides, she's already come back to life at least once and travelled through time a bunch. You can't keep Jean Grey down for long. I'd expect Scott to say something like that, though he seems especially pensive at this point. I guess it's understandable, as time travel is a headfuck. It's cute that he's jealous of his younger self and that he admits it.
Scott's empathy for Hank here is really sweet, especially considering the lengths Hank went through to hurt him (intentionally or not.) The very presence of Jean should be reminding people of the culpability of a Phoenix host. Jean is safely dead and can be put on a pedestal, whereas Scott receives nothing but venom. I'm sure Chuck's death is a big factor, but the man tried very hard to die by Dark Phoenix Jean, too. It's easy to overlook the flaws of the dead, and in many ways Jean and Xavier both get canonised as mutant saints. Neither deserve it, for different reasons.
Oh boy, Jean's actions here are difficult to discuss appropriately. She's lonely and scared, she's just woken up from a nightmare, and the person she's closest to is there for her - all grown up. I doubt this is intended to be sexual, my read on it is Jean reaching for platonic intimacy. It's definitely rooted in the love Scott and Jean have for each other, something their awkward 16 year old selves haven't managed to navigate. 'The man I hoped you'd be' is loaded as hell, but it is very human. None of us have ever met our time-displaced selves or loves, and it's very understandable to view them as the same person, except not/better.
I'm not going to credit Scott for not learning into Jean's confusion and need for comfort (because it's just the right thing to do) but I do think he understands and he definitely handled it appropriately. Setting firm boundaries and pivoting the focus to the kind of support Jean needs is considerate and responsible.
Kitty's stance and pseudo-threat here is difficult to parse. She says he handled it well, luckily for him, implying that she was listening the whole time but was also wary of him not handling it well? It's hard to see this as anything other than Kitty thinking they might fuck. I'm not sure they do understand each other, because Kitty didn't listen to him, she just banned him from being in her room alone. Not an unreasonable policy to have, but it doesn't give Scott a lot of credit. As they both leave, Jean cries which seems like a failure of duty of care. Feels like there's more going on here. 'But if the genders were reversed' whataboutery is usually bad faith nonsense, but there is an actual example here. If Kitty heard young Bobby crying alone or screaming in the middle of the night I'm pretty sure she'd check in on him. That she's dated his adult counterpart changes nothing. Adult! Scott and Teen! Jean could communicate telepathically any time they wished, so idk. Maybe just the writers covering their bases and overcorrecting.
Then there's Emma and the Cuckoos. While Emma is the best person to train and teach Teen Jean, she does it in a very messed up way. Jean is so obviously right when she identifies that Emma has issues. I'm not fond of this plot point, or at least how it's written - the whole 'girls are bitchy and jealous' regressive idea put centre stage. This psychic duel fails the Bechdel Test and makes all the adults look super irresponsible for allowing it to happen.
Keep in mind Emma is bombarding a 16 year old with sexual images. Jean IS a saint for putting up with this shit and not melting her brain. Telepathy isn't real, but intrusive thoughts are - and I don't think it's a stretch to say targeted sexualised intrusive thoughts is deliberately traumatizing a teenager. I definitely think this could have been written better. Emma having unresolved Jean Grey issues is to be expected, but dealing with it like this and everyone being okay with it is difficult to believe.
Then again, it seems nobody is immune to the deification of Jean Grey, not even the writers. They all know her as the most powerful telepath so obviously teenage Jean can deal with whatever you throw at her. Kitty and Scott should know better, and Emma has plenty of other ways to train Jean. Yes, she's the great Jean Grey, but she's also a 16 year old who's not coping all that well. I'm glad that Teen Jean and Emma became friends not long after this, but it says a lot that the dude writing it couldn't figure out a way to explain it on the page. There was an opportunity here to show women building a friendship off their commonalities, but instead it's something Jean has to overcome with psychic power not emotional strength - and the adults looking after her don't look very responsible.
#x comics#all new x men#jean grey#cyclops#emma frost#kitty pryde#x men#marvel#comics#stepford cuckoos
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The thing that really kills me about Logan is that his kids are disappointing and ultimately unfit to be CEO, and it's not just that they're like that because he made them like that, but that they're like that because he wants them to be that way.
For all his talk about them being spoiled or coddled and his rant in the S3 finale that getting cut out of running Waystar is their chance to "be your own man" and build something themselves, he has spent the entire show actively undermining any attempt of theirs to do that. Shiv stays out and works in politics, but as soon as she joins a big campaign that could actually distinguish her from her family, he tells her he wants to make her CEO. He offers to buy Kendall out of his shares, but as soon as Kendall tries to take the offer and cut himself out, he refuses. He says he wants them out of the business and doing their own thing, and then as soon as they start actually doing that and buy Pierce, he tries to get Roman back.
The fact of the matter is that as much as he might claim to want a "real" heir, what he really wants is to never need one and for his children to stay children: incomplete, incapable, and under his thumb.
#something something the purpose of a system is what it does#i feel like the 'they are the way he made them' thing is pretty self evident and understood but it's important to distinguish that it's not#just a question of him being bad at raising kids or that he just can't produce the outcome that he wants: he is 100% producing the#outcome that he wants he's just lying about what that outcome is. he doesn't want them to be their own people or worthy of the position#because that would mean he wouldn't be able to control them and (more crucially for him) it would mean he'd have to give up control#of waystar. he doesn't want a legitimate successor because he doesn't want to be succeeded. he wants to deny his mortality and stay#in his spot forever. if his children grow up that means he has to grow old. if he can keep them trapped in childhood forever then he 'has#no choice' but to stay in power because he couldn't possibly leave it to them could he? they're not ready. it's a kindness to keep the#burden of the crown to himsef.#like imagine for a second if he did have a kid who was a perfect CEO candidate and exactly what he claimed to want. do you#really think he'd step aside and let them rule?#or would he see them as a threat and try to find some other way to cut them off at the knees and sabotage them the way he's been#doing with his other kids this whole time.#logan roy#kendall roy#connor roy#shiv roy#siobhan roy#roman roy#succession
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it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.
i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.
there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.
'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.
to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.
and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.
but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.
#i try to reclaim 'feminine' words for myself in private#calling myself 'babygirl' when i need to chill out. or saying i feel pretty. or going 'she needs help' when i'm struggling lmao.#but there's still so much fucking trauma in those words from the people who've forced them on me#who've snarled in my face that GOD made me ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY and that's a WOMAN (stepdad)#who've guilted me for taking their precious perfect daughter away as if i'm fucking dead (mother)#who've mocked me and everyone like me as if we're not the experts on our own sense of self (general transphobic public)#like. i'm not a fucking man. i'm not a fucking woman. i'm nonbinary. gender is absurdity as a concept. i'm done with it.#but being called a man or a son or a guy or 'he' or WHATEVER in that vein is fine and dandy because i've never had anyone say#'that is all you can EVER be'. or worse: 'that is what GOD made you to be and you have a ROLE to fill'#(christianity pls die approximately yesterday thanku 💖)#so yeah. idk. ranting yet again about Cis Audacity.#the complete lack of empathy. the lack of curiosity even.#the condescending bullshit. the 'i understand you better than you do'. the fucking AUDACITY.#i am the expert on myself. i am the ONLY expert on myself. period. no contest. not a debate.#i understand myself better than anyone else is CAPABLE of understanding me.#i could call myself 'she' and understand that i meant it in a nonbinary way.#in fact i could even see myself letting other trans people call me feminine terms at some point in the future. when i've healed more.#but cis people? probably not. they can call me 'he' or 'they' or they can fuck off & never get to know me because they don't wanna know ME#/end rant#any terfs/bigots that try to touch this post will be swiftly blocked and quite possibly cursed. have the day you deserve <3
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ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.
#it's usually when they randomly drop some line of fanon. like saying dean has never admitted to being wrong in his life#or never expressed an emotion or been vulnerable or doesn't Talk About Feelings or is super duper RepressedTM#like i'm sorry. have you watched the show. oh and have you taken off the sammy POV goggles first?#bc this guy is always crying and being vulnerable and talking about his feelings. he is self-aware.#he may not always want to talk to sam abt things! but he sure does talk about things with other people#do i need to reblog the compilation posts AGAIN?#(also re: his sexualiy? AWARE. sorry i saw him flirt and be flustered by so many men. he knows how he feels.)#and then 'first time ever admitting to being wrong' this one came from a post abt dean's prayer in the trap#like i'm sorry but first of all. dean apologizes more than any other character on the show. there are hard numbers on this.#people have tracked this on spreadsheets. i think ilarual is one of them.#and often he is apologizing for things that aren't even his fault! but he still feels responsible for bc he's been made to feel that way#his whole life!!#other characters *cough samandcas *cough* apologizing Less doesn't mean they've Done less things wrong#it just means they're not owning up to it and brushing it under the rug. something both do frequently.#anyways. aside from apologies. dean also has no problem admitting he's wrong y'know when he's actually wrong#which is less often than you'd think bc he has pretty good instincts and intuition and often suspects things which turn out to be Right#but anyways. another thing abt the trap prayer is. i don't think cas Needed to be forgiven#i think dean was justified in feeling angry w cas over the circumstances leading to the Death of His Mother! totally normal grief response!#i think cas also understands dean to be someone who needs time to process and deal with his feelings (he says as much to jack)#however. despite me not think dean Needs to forgive cas. the thing is. with dean when it comes to cas the forgiveness is implicit#when he says /of course i forgive you/ and in the cut like /of course i wanted you to stay/ like. yes he was mad and dealing with grief#but also. yes cas was already forgiven even back then. he just needed Time to work through the feelings#anyways i think dean says he 'forgives' cas bc it's what CAS needed to hear to stop feeling guilty and dean gives him that closure#but i also think cas was already forgiven even in dean's anger. he wants him there always. i'd rather have you. we can fix this. etc etc#a lot of tags for a non-rebloggable post ajksdfs maybe i'll make these into a real post sometime#vic.txt#dean and feelings#so i can find this all again later
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Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay
#you are a straight man correct? Yes. Attracted to someone you view as a woman correct? Yes... But you are afraid that makes you gay?#Afraid is a strong word but also stop asking stupid questions#The end result is I tend to date a lot of men who either then realize they are women or bi or gay and I am there when they are taking out#the messiest parts of that on whoever they are with at the time#and on one hand it means I created a space that made them feel safe enough to self examine#but on the other hand I'm their last stop when the fallout hits#OR they just realize they find the expectations put on them for masculinity to be really oppressive even negligent or abusive#I would say I need to adjust my strategy and stop trying to 'woo' men the same way I don't actually -flirt- with women#but I have already solved this problem by refusing to date ever again#The retrospective is funny though#The problem is I am attracted to men in a gay way and to women in a gay way but no one tells you the consequence of that and looking#like a pretty butch is that it really confuses the straight guys#Like why is this guy who's usually hmmm... as dom and masc as you would imagine suddenly in my lap and red and having entire feelings#about the way I am holding his hip? He doesn't knoww either and he's really pressed about it#And that thing messy lesbians do where they act jealous of you and also like they want to fuck you at the same time that looks like a red#flag from hell? Imagine dragging that out of unsuspecting straight guys -menTM-#They don't know why they are acting like that around me either but it's going to go one of two ways#either it will seem overtly threatening and aggressive to everyone involved including themselves or they'll have enough social sense#and tact to be playful about it but still not be sure if they are flirting or whether they like me at all#I have patience for one of those and unfortunately[?] it's the guy who's in my lap looks like he's being tortured and can't find his footin#not the guy telling me how much he's going to beat my ass at some game and I am going to like it or some macho bullshit#And I will be oblivious for the first 50% of it#because if there are gods they are cruel#He never realized he's actually the little spoon be nice and give him a minute#He can't tell me he likes me if he doesn't know he likes me but I opened a jar for him and asked him about his feelings and now he's warm#I actually ended up never dating many women at all because of weird lesbian mixed signals and things#At least not while they were women#I don't flirt or make friends I just decide that people are mine and start taking care of them [while respecting their autonomy and shit]#and I am starting to think this is how I make problems for myself#yes I am playing 5-d chess with gender and am now a he/they but it is not what it is cracked up to be
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Anyway prohibitedwish dark medieval mystery drama au. The story is interjected every so often by prismo and scarab arguing over what should happen next
#random thoughts#adventure time#over time scarab learns to accept when things dont go his way (especially when prismo has a very good idea)#and prismo gets help working through his depression through the beauty of creating with another person (euphamism for gay sex lol)#hey prismo why do you want to collab with scarab hmm? to create life with another man? pretty gay it does seem#anyway in the beginning they argue because scarab wants stuff to go his way#and prismo keeps bringing up bad ideas and wanting to put jake-esque characters in everything#prismo is. not very creative#anyway their universe ends up following a sheriff and a self-declared wizard in the late-12th century (so around robin hood times)#as the sheriff hunts down a group of bandits#(prismo ends up really liking the bandits and thinking the sheriff sucks balls for hunting them down and scarab's like you just dont get it)#the self-declared wizard is very much a conman hawking snake oil (i do NOT sound like that is. very commonly interjected by prismo)#there is no magic. prismo keeps trying to put magic in there. scarab keeps shutting him down#scarab ends up trying to kill off the wizard for a dramatic moment and prismo gets upset about it#'it's a tragedy! it's supposed to be sad!' 'but WHAT IS THE POINT??? it's just tragedy for the sake of tragedy!'#'if your plan this whole time was to make me upset then congrats!!! you made everyone's friend prismo upset. im gonna do something else now'#prismo disappears and scarab feels. bad. it doesn't feel good.#eventually prismo comes back in to apologize for getting too into the story and leaving in a huff and shit and surprise!!!#the wizard is still alive! scarab LISTENED and he CONCEDED and CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BABEY!!!#now the ending of the story they were trying to tell is more bittersweet instead of a full-on 'everyone's dead or sad' thing#btw the sheriff and the wizard end up kissing and prismo and scarab are both VERY awkward about it#scarab still likes dark edgy stuff but he recognizes the universe he created with prismo is a SHARED project and he's been kind of a pill
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19. entry made talking about a simple / normal day.
'dear diary' prompts...
[TRANSCRIPTION: so, i'd like to start this off by saying that i sometimes crave a sense of normalcy more than ever in my life... though i know that people might not expect something like that out of me. you know, because i seem so devoted to my work, i guess. but i have to say that after getting a taste of it today, it's probably when i'm at my happiest. me and jack had spent the day together, which is something we actually rarely get to do. he had told me about this crepe place that had opened up a little while ago and he seemed really eager to go there. so i invited jack to do that this morning and i swear, i hadn't seen him smile that big in a while. which did something funny to my heart.
and by that, i mean you know that feeling you get when you can't contain the love you have for someone? yeah that was pretty much what ended up happening to me; a fuzziness had hit me in the chest. but after we went there, and jack ate an impressive amount of crepes (he was really fond of the nutella and strawberry ones), my son suggested that we see this new movie that came out recently. and it was hard to pass up so of course i said yes. we snuck in some candy and drinks because, honestly, who wants to pay for the overpriced candy they have? not us so we did that and just like i expected... the theater was pretty packed since it was for the new hunger games movie. it was good though!
anyhow, after that, jack wanted to spend some time just hanging out by the water when he did something that surprised me. jack hugged me. and it was really nice, because i can't remember the last time my son gave me one like that. he went on to tell me that he missed 'this part of me.' this got me to thinking that, yeah, i have been treating him not so well for a while. so maybe i ought to change that. jack deserves to have a father who doesn't switch up on him every day, from being mean to being nice.
maybe i'll call my therapist back and tell her i want to start seeing her again. she might've said some things that i didn't like the last time, one of those being that i exhibit behaviors that are typical of sociopaths — but i guess i can make an exception for jack, because he's my little bug.
signed, barton. ]
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#YOUR NEED GREW TEETH: character study.#tw: allusions to mistreatment of children.#sighs... y'all already know what i'm going to say here: barton's relationship with his kids really is complicated because he seems-#to love them in his own 'barton-like' way and this could mean various things from calling them things like 'his little bug' to being-#emotionally manipulative to them and it's like 😬 i just. the fact that barton could acknowledge here that he has treated him TERRIBLY-#in the past does imply that he does hold some sort of self-awareness about how he is severely lacking in the parent department-#but it's not enough for him to make any real changes unfortunately because barton is STILL like this to this day.#with him being super temperamental and hard to predict which is typical of emotionally manipulative / abusive people.#and although he is is pretty much a big ball of anger + unresolved trauma that has helped twist him into the man he is today-#AND it is also a fact that barton has experienced psychotic depression... that doesn't mean that he can blame his past for becoming-#a bad person. i just want to talk about the comment he made here about feeling a 'fuzziness in his chest' though because that is just.#it makes me want to WEEP alright because it makes it clear that barton does have the capacity to love his children in an actually-#healthy and understandable way but he doesn't most of the time and it's like... WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS GAHHH#tw: emotional manipulation.#tw: emotional abuse.#plus i honestly think that barton DID call his therapist at the time back and started to go back to her buttt being told by a mental health#professional that they noticed he lacks empathy is impulsive and seems to take enjoyment out of disrespecting people + breaking laws-#changed his relationship with them. so things were likely never the same again and barton didn't trust her anymore
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