#i feel like shit i hate it here. UGH!!!!!!! WHATEVER
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This is a literal nightmare.
He can see her cheery orange sweater from the doorway, glowing under the sodium desk lamp. As if the library wasn't hateful enough, with it's enforced hush, they had to make everything hard to fucking see too. Ugh, great, she's got fucking note cards! Pink ones!
“Wheeler,” he growls at her, hoping to startle her with his slammed history book.
Unfortunately it doesn't work, only earns him a shush and a few annoyed glares from fellow patrons.
Wheeler looks up from under her lashes, quietly entertained if anything. “Munson. Glad you could finally make it.”
“Yeah well,” he straddles the wooden desk chair, “got caught up sacrificing virgins. You know how it is.”
She rests her pointed chin onto her hand. “So you trekked up to the middle school?”
Shit. Does she have a sense of humor?
“Yeah… Anyway, I'm here now. What torture have you got in store?” He eyes the note cards warily.
“Not these.” She swiftly wraps a rubber band around them and tucks them back into her bag. “I think I know what your issue is.”
“Childhood neglect?”
She gifts him with a snort. “Maybe. I was referring to your complete lack of interest in US History.”
“You can't make me care about it, Wheeler, that's not how this works.”
Her eyes do something that feels patronizing but also like maybe she knows something he doesn't.
It becomes apparent, hours later, that he shouldn't have thrown that gauntlet. Nancy Wheeler is a certified genius. No wonder St- Mmm, no.
“I can't believe you did it,” he admits after successfully passing her pop quiz. “How did you… I mean, I literally just learned all that against my will.”
“Easy. You like Tolkien, right?”
That takes him aback. He stares back at her for a second. “...yeah?”
“So you can absorb details when it's something you're interested in. All I had to do was make it interesting.”
Wow. Yeah, that actually makes sense now that he thinks about it. All she did was humanize the people involved, make them real. He couldn't care less about memorizing the dates of the battles but knowing forty-five hundred men died from Cholera that winter, seven hundred more from infection, it did something to Eddie's brain, forced it to latch on.
“Huh. What are you doing tutoring an idiot like me? You should be getting tenured at Yale or whatever.”
She does something no girl has done to Eddie since the fifth grade, she reaches out and holds his hand. He's too confused to pull away.
“You're not stupid. You're not even apathetic, not really. It's just that no one has ever bothered to teach you in a way that speaks to you. I want you to know that.”
He blinks at her. “Okay. Um. Kinda hard to keep hating you if you're gonna say shit like that.” He tries to laugh it off but she just keeps staring up at him with those big, blue eyes.
“You don't have to hate me, Eddie.”
What the fuck? Why is there a sudden undertone here?
“Sure thing, Wheeler. We should-” He doesn't have much to gather but he uses the little bit he did bring to avoid eye contact. She's gathering her things a lot slower and for some reason Eddie can't make himself leave her here. Fucking stupid white knight syndrome. “Hey, uh, how'd you know I like Tolkien?”
She doesn't look up from wedging a folder into her bag as she says, “Steve told me.”
Eddie’s nervous system goes ice fishing.
When he doesn't, can't, respond, she looks up, sees him staring, wide eyed and shaking. Instead of doing anything to calm him, she makes it worse by saying, “He talks about you more than he realizes. I might've actually been scared of you if I didn't know you have a favorite Christmas movie and that you stress bake.”
This is…cruel? He's not sure what her motive is. Shove their happy relationship in his face? She shouldn't want to do that, because she shouldn't know that Steve and Eddie were…anything. There's no way Steve told her that. The fact that he can feel that his face has gone white and he hasn't responded yet probably isn't doing him any favors.
“I can see there's some confusion happening.” Eddie nods, slowly, certain only that, if anything, he's confused. “Okay,” she drawls. “I feel like you're a cool person to talk to, that I can trust you. You're…safe?”
“Sure?” He has no idea where this is going.
“Right. You know my friend Barb,” she waits for his nod before explaining, “well we've been friends forever. Like, kindergarten forever. And one day, almost out of the blue, we get the idea to try out for Color Guard.” Yeah right. Wheeler and Holland are the last two girls Eddie can picture joining any kind of team sport activity, but he keeps following her story anyway. “We're practicing, right, and we've got our…flags…and we see each other's...flags...and we realize, we don't like…sports. So we quit and decided to do our own thing. Yeah?”
Holy shit. No way. There's no fucking way. Except Wheeler is nodding along with Eddie's shock, as if to say, ‘Yeah, you're getting it.’
He laughs, quiet so as not to alert anyone. The library is nearly empty but they're not the last ones left.
Eddie has to rub his eyes to stave off an impending headache but all in all this session has been quite eye-opening.
“That was pretty slick, I have to admit.”
She shoots him a wicked grin. “It usually is.”
“Ah gross! Don't make it weird.”
Now they're both laughing. Christ.
“I am cool. For the record. Scouts honor.” He holds up the devil horns just to make her laugh again, which she does.
“I know you're cool, Eddie. Inside scoop, remember?”
So much for their budding friendship. The reminder that Steve has said anything about their shared…whatever that was…puts him right back in the frozen pond.
“Steve and I weren't-” He lowers his voice. “That wasn't anything. I don't know what he told you but-”
“He misses you.”
Eddie's frozen guts shatter. Nancy doesn't even have the decency to let him scoop them up before she goes in for the kill.
“He'd be livid if he knew I told you that but it's true. He hates the way he ended it. Thinks you hate him for it, could never forgive him. But you wanted to hate me. Didn't you? Those aren't the feelings of a man indifferent to Steve's life.”
He trembles like an animal caught in a snare. “Why are you telling me this?”
A bittersweet look crosses her face, she looks over at the people sitting four desks over. “I know why he ended it. And…it's not like his reasons have suddenly disappeared. We both know things are precarious for us,” she meets his eye again to make sure he understands, of course he does, “but he's different now. Changed. A good friend. A person who deserves second chances. Deserves to be happy. He said you made him really happy.”
A traitorous tear slips down his cheek. He brushes it away, angry and embarrassed.
This was really fun, Eds, but I can't risk it anymore.
The worst part was, he couldn't argue the first bit. They did have a lot of fun.
God, he misses Steve too.
“If you've moved on, that's okay, I get it. No harm done, like I said, he doesn't even know we had this conversation. But, if you were wondering if he still thinks about you, the answer is yes.”
He nods. That's all he can do at the moment. She cups a tiny hand around his clenched fist and squeezes.
“Oh! Also, I'm thinking of starting an unofficial after school club. You too cool to hang out with me outside of school?”
Whiplash would feel like a pleasant massage compared to this woman, lord have mercy.
“What kinda club?” He asks gamely.
“Friends of Dorothy. You don't think it's just us waving flags, do you?”
Eddie's attention is caught mid-rant by the abhorrent sounds of Carol and Tommy H.
"Oh, Steve! Steve, oh, God, Steve-"
Eddie turns in time to see a pretty blush fill Steve's cheeks. Ah, he must have finally slept with the Wheeler chick. She's seated next to him, looking less than pleased about Steve's friends.
From what Eddie can remember, that's actually the opposite of what sleeping with Steve is really like. He's the noisy one, the one who moans and whines and whimpers when he's feeling so good.
"Fuck, Eddie, you feel so perfect-"
"Yeah, right there, Eds-"
"Keep going, I'm gonna, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie-"
"Eddie!"
"Yeah!" He turns away from King Steve and back to the rest of the Hellfire club.
"You were saying, about that cantrip?"
"Right," he says, shaking off old memories. Now isn't really the time to be revisiting them, anyway.
#hope this is okay#i was inspired!!!#eat shit depression!!!#i made this very much an AU#barb lives!#what do we think Eddie does with this new information?#🤔#eddie and nancy friendship ftw#steddie#ficlet#my writing
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thoughts while watching episode 2! ☆
summary: necessary amount of love for jinx, unnecessary amount of child hate lmao
oh my baby girl i love u it's ok don't be sad please
jinx focused episode let's gooo
me: omg was that a flash of powder?!
*rewinds*
me: ...who the fuck is that.
me: oh no. oh no. this kid is important enough to make it to the intro, jinx is going to take care of this child isn't she. that sure is... a choice
oh no the kid is here
ugh for me personally the only thing worse they could have done is make her pregnant or have a baby. i hate storylines like this im so sorry. it's different when the parent-child relationship is like the main focus or the premise of the show/movie (the mandalorian, the last of us, the walking dead game, silco taking care of powder who's the main character), but when a random ass child shows up years late to the party and needs someone to take care of them and the child character has no previous connection to the audience... i really dislike that in stories im so sorry. leave jinx alone
also, in what world is jinx ready to be a mother figure to anyone lmao she's very much stuck in a child-like state herself half the time. this is not what she needs, we both deserve better
i like the child's design though
honestly, i hope arcane makes me take all that i just said back, but we'll see
jinx i love you
her voice is so good, the voice acting is sooo good oh my god
does she kinda have a different vibe or is it just me?
honestly thought she would be doing a lot worse than she is. good for her!
don't get me wrong, i get that from the orphan's point of view jinx just saved her life and she's clearly super strong, what else is she supposed to do than follow
what i'm saying is that i personally do not want jinx to take care of a child right now. i want this to be about the sisters. the fact that i don't like this is on me, the writers can obviously do whatever they want with their story buuut.....
sevika<3
can't wait for her and jinx to team up
wait does sevika even know that jinx was the one who killed silco?
i don't know what's going on with viktor and whatever he's saying here is not helping
did she though?
everything viktor does now is so slow. the way he speaks, the way he moves...
im not a jayvik girlie but i imagine that those who are felt rly sad after this scene
ekko my boy! the biker mouse from mars can speak?
my brother: he really does look like one
i literally facepalmed and my brother groaned
ekko please ditch this creature you're better on your own
shut up. you're not cute, you're not funny.
i should probably clarify that heimer is my least favourite character in the show, i kinda have no patience for anything he does 😂
i literally said DO IT JAYCE out loud
this made me laugh
same, ekko, same.
can we talk about the way he's holding the cup lol
it's also kinda funny and kinda sad at the same time that this is probably his first time tasting tea
SHUT UUUUPPPP
i screamed
vi? nooo, what the hell 😫 i thought it was the bad guys after her but no it's VI? don't hurt jinx like this, don't hurt me like this
the animation is making me feel like i'm the one who can't breathe damn
hasn't my girl been through enough?? stooooppp
this looked really cool though
there's no way those were the only two times he saw her cry
also, she's insane, blinking and getting even closer. i am obsessed with her
YESSSHHHH
after getting her ass kicked by vi and jinx repeatedly in season 1, i have a feeling this is a battle she's finally going to win 😆
the whole-body movement she did here, so cute, i love her so much 😭
GET JINXED OMG!!!!!!!! 💙💙💙💙💙
holy shit you can always trust arcane with fight scenes
my brother: no one does fight scenes better than arcane.
me: i know right?! that was so good! best scene in season 2 so far!
brother: yep.
oh wow ok. girl, 1st of all, ew. 2nd of all, that thing was like 80% machine what was there left for you to eat? 3rd of all... this begs the question, what do these people eat, exactly? do they draw the line at cannibalism but everyone else is fair game? huh.
i doubt the people in piltover eat like this
no, let's not do that<3
what is he, jesus? this is a bit too much.
#arcane#arcane season 2#jinx#sevika#viktor#ekko#not my brother thinking ekko's name is AJAX 💀#silco#mine
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i am feeling.. so bad today to be HONEST!!!!
#bro.. help#birth control i was prescribed is 'helping' my horrible period in that i didn't have my two days of total hell#but i'm on the tenth day in total & 7th of significant bleeding#whereas i used to have about 7 days in total and only fourish of them were significant#and i genuinely don't know when this will be over because it's decreasing but not by MUCH!! feels like i'll have another three or four days#so like sure it's 'better' i can actually leave the house & sleep through the night which dont get me wrong IS nice#but this also fucking sucks. i want this to be over#and granted i was only taking it for about a week before my period started so maybe it will be better after i've been taking it longer#i feel like shit i hate it here. UGH!!!!!!! WHATEVER#chatpost
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regardless of the "learn how to be alone" dravel, being lonely actually is really bad for your mental health and can be very painful :p
#i've been doing so so bad#and i've had breakdowns frequently this past week#and i dont have friends or family or a partner or even a therapist lmao#so im alone and thus only feeling worse and worse#my mom has been in an unusual bad mood lately so i havent been able to talk to her at all#but today she asked me to go to her to the store bc she wanted me to buy smth#and on the way we watched the snails and she found them cute (she has never appreciated snails before)#and now i instantly feel a bit better and a bit more normal after only 15 min of hanging out with her#it's so easy for ppl who have family or friends or a partner to judge and criticize me#but like.... u have ppl close to u and u know nothing abt what it feels like to be in my position#it's so condescending and lacking of compassion#i dont understand your pov either but at least im not TELLING YOU directly how much i judge you#like ppl judge me so hard for feeling miserable in my loneliness... but it's easy for u to say those things#like u dont feel my despairing loneliness bc u have a fkn partner. u have fkn friends. or a fkn family. easy for u to judge me from up ther#anyway im much better at being alone than most ppl bc im still alive and im enduring the pain every day#other ppl have ppl around them 💀 only others who are all alone can understand how much it hurts#and it wont be fixed by loving yourself or loving to be alone or whatever other bs they use to criticize u ._.#being alone IS harmful to your health. there are studies on it and im not just making that shit up#i AM allowed to feel pain bc i dont have anyone#ugh esp ppl w partners who can receive physical and romantic attention.... when they judge me.....#stfu forever u have no idea how i feel 💀 and u could never know simply by having had a partner at all...#but yeah. it bothers me too bc i NEVER see someone on here and go#damn i hate this sm i gotta let them know by sending them anons or vague post abt them#like i dont get up in their faces and tell them all my judgemental or bitter or hateful thoughts abt them#even this post is only bc other ppl have taken the liberty to without my consent or having asked tell me directly how pathetic i am#how im not allowed to feel alone. how i have a victim mentality so on and so forth#i never tell other ppl things like that. even if i think them (which honestly i rarely do unless they're extremely toxic TO other ppl) i wo#say shit abt it to them.... ??? like why?#when i sometimes see like ppl have friends on here or talk abt their partners i can feel bitter and jealous#bc im surrounded by seeing things i so deeply crave but im not a humanbeing worth of those things
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Racist white ppl who don’t realize they’re racist getting mad about gojo is so funny
#y’all do the same shit#making them hot cheeto girl edits using AAVE USHER!!#helloooooo call in house etc.#but also I’ve been saying this for awhile#where ppl don’t want complicated characters or interesting arcs bc then they have to think about themselves#I’m not just yapping y’all u can look back#this is the second time feeling so vindicated#bc when it happened with Sokka and everyone was confused I literally said this is a product of this mindset#like grand scheme the reason they removed that from Sokka is that y’all can’t stomach ur faves having biases even when they improve#look at how y’all are reacting to gojo#I may tell a joke but I will never tell a WHAT#well no I lie a lot sorry#anyways point is y’all running to say gojo isn’t racist even tho the point of the scene is him unlearning that bias#and then turning around and saying you want complex characters#like it’s so telling when the only flaws u give ur characters is insecurity and maybe assholeish tendencies that don’t actually mean a lot#like y’all want these ppl to be you till they’re actually you#ugh#anyways y’all are so lucky I resisted adding my hate for another character for this#you ALRDY know who#just know he’s in here too#oh obvious obligatory duh ppl didn’t write sokka or gojo bc of eachother I’m talking about behavioral trends across media consumption dont#piss me off like with the way y’all act I wouldn’t be surprised#I’m not saying they’re related Like linearly or whatever I’m saying this shit isn’t coming out of nowhere it’s YOU!
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same soup... different day
#hello it is sarah in the tags again#i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again#venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone#anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin#back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye#anyway this time i'd come in for the big D#i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong#i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety#its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc#anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the#isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers#isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and#i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic#anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing#i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche#also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like#ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it#and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this
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Did sleeping help
No </3
#vent#tsk. isn’t it like. if you hate everything then eat#if you think everyone hates you then sleep#if you hate yourself take a shower?#sooooooooo. uhhhhhhh. didnt. work?#hng. artfight... I was so excited I have so many ideas#but it’s like. everything is triggering me or making me upset or freaked out or sick. idk what to do#I go ‘oh lemme see what my friends have done so far’ and then I see an oc from someone not my friend anymore and I’m like. ougghhh#I feel like such a baby for caring. stupid for being upset still. it’s like it only mattered to me and no one else had to deal with such#crippling anxiety and stress because of it#everyone is getting so much done so fast and I STILL can’t submit the second thing I did. I’m going to lose my head or cry or both or die or#SOMETHING uhhhhhhggggggg and it’s like all my anxieties are circling back around cus it was this time last year shit hit the fan#I have college!! I have no clue what my plans are!! all I’m good for is making fake people and drawing said people!!#I’m such a fucking. stupid.. I wasn’t even supposed to take this last semester off. we just didn’t know what other classes to take or what#to focus on... I’ve been literally free all day every day since December and it’s like I’m STILL not doing anything worthwhile#mmm I’m so alone in this I can’t DEAL well I guess I’ve been ‘dealing’ but I don’t believe thinking about bad situations literally every day#since they’ve happened can be considered as ‘dealing’ with it. I doubt anyone else is thinking about it that hard but I can’t help it#I can’t do a complete cut off from the internet. my only friends are here! what then? then I’m just. some sad sack who doesn’t talk to#anyone? mmm this isn’t a good way to start the day but I can’t NOT think. it’s all I do. my brain is one of the things that makes be I can’t#self labotomize myself into being a chiller person without killing everything that makes me with it#ugh. I’m going to be stuck in this headspace forever. even with apologies and make ups or agreements to stay apart#I’ll still be the one dealing with the negatives and fallout from shitty situations. funny seeing as I still don’t understand how things#even escalated so fast. but whatever. I’m the bad wolf forever. can’t change that
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actually while im feeling sad about stupid bullshit (not being popular anymore oh woe is me) lets take a little summary of atbb's pre-hiatus inbox
someone trying to roleplay as sans because they didnt look at the blog for more than two seconds
someone saying the skeletons are cute and asking to hug them
someone asking to be friends with [Enter Skeleton Here]
someone asking what their brothers are like
How are you?
You're cute!
You're cool!
How have you been?
Nice outfit!
Nice outfit!
Nice outfit!
Nice outfit!
someone who does not understand the concept of dramatic irony who wants very badly to explain the full plot so far to characters who would never know that in any context otherwise as if that wouldnt be lame as hell for them to suddenly know
why is [thing that was a very big plot point]
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
YOU'RE CUTE
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
#AHHHHHHHHHH#LOOK. NONE OF THESE ARE INHERENTLY BAD. BUT WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THEM#IF I SCROLL FAR ENOUGH I CAN GET TO THE ACTUAL PLOT RELEVENT ONES. BUT OF COURSE THEY WERE SENT IN AFTER THE TOPIC CHANGED#ohhh and i didnt even MENTION the ones that i would always instantly delete#the “*walks in and smiles* well whats going on here?” just LOOK!!!! READ!!!!! FIND OUT YOURSELF#IT GOT TO A POINT WHERE I WOULD GET MORE OF THOSE THAN ACTUAL QUESTIONS#just. ugh. no wonder it stopped being fun#i get it. make art for myself and all that. i try to.#but i fucking hate being alone here man.#i know what its like to have other people have fun with it with me and it feels like thats so fucking rare now. i dont know#doesnt help that i can't form connections over the internet. especially since every time i've talked about this irl i've been laughed at <3#this is all dumb as hell whatever. going to bed#probably just PMS tbh none of this matters who give a shit
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I'm fatigued, my back hurts, I accidentally spent like 3 hours sat downstairs in a chair that made our back feel worse because our executive dysfunction prevented me getting up and going back upstairs even though I only went down there to get one thing, and now I really need to lay down but if I accidentally fall asleep again I feel like I'll wake up, realise I fell asleep and also that I feel like I wasted a big chunk of the day, and I'll end up feeling even worse again
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I went downstairs to get food but ended up having to wait longer than anticipated which is whatever#but then that meant I ended up sitting down and once we sit down it's like our brain stops being able to process that we can leave#I'll sit there the whole time going ''I need to get up and go back upstairs. I don't want to be sat here'' and just can't get up#I hate that this happens because while I know our executive dysfunction isn't our fault#and it's the exact same issue that stops us eating or drinking or going to the toilet or whatever when we need to#I still feel like I should be able to just get up and do the thing and just leave if I'm in a situation that I don't want to be in#and it's so hard to get other people to understand that I can't ''just leave'' because my brain just won't let that happen#like I want to but my brain won't register it as an actual thing I can do and it feels more like a weird abstract concept#than a thing I could actually do. it's like my brain can't connect the concept of the action to the act of doing it#and then I get frustrated because why can't I just do the thing that I know I should be able to do#and then I've spent hours not doing anything I meant to and mostly just feel like shit because of it and it keeps happening#and now I need to lay down and I know what's likely to happen if I do that#but I do need to listen to my body especially after getting stuck in a situation that makes our pain and fatigue worse#also we had to take pain meds earlier and that's definitely not helping with us feeling shit emotionally about all this#I hate having to navigate our brain and body just not functioning properly#I feel like we've had so little energy lately and it's reminding me too much of this time last year when we had that blood infection#I'm terrified of that happening again because we almost didn't get treatment because we started to assume it was just our new baseline#hmm apparently within like 5 minutes we've gone from ''ugh I wasted 3 hours'' to almost crying over medical trauma#I probably need to try and do something to calm us down but also I'm too tired to really do anything#which brings me right back to the issue that triggered this whole rant and me getting upset in the first place
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feeling so Empty rn yippee ! 👍
#its like my huge mountain of stress for this test has completely flipped and left me like . so relaxed that i cant do Anything#like im Not relaxed but . i just cant bring myself to . move . or do anything#my brain isnt quiet but theres so many random thoughts that i cant catch any of them for more than half a second#im just laying in bed staring at the ceiling . god i have to get up but . ugh#6 more hours . then i am free for a little while#but godd it's hard . i fucking hate the last term of every year i cant do Shit anymore#also its so fucking hot in my room im dying#man . :(#i feel like . i shld be happy rn . not really any reason to be Sad and Empty but here i am#okay whatever im gonna . try and have breakfast maybe itll help#s.txt
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fngfdjngjdfkng
#bro fucking stupid like why did i just not look at applying to masters until now#i'm so dumb like ig it was bc i ws just like i'm not gonna do masters im just gonna try to get a job#which like how the fuck am i supposed to do that lmao but#now i dont think i can even apply for masters at my school at least#bc i need fucking letters of rec and the deadline is the 15th#and i Barely have 2 ppl i would ask for letter of rec idek if the second one counts lmfao if she's not at my school#jfc im so why do i have to think about the future :c i just wanna do glowstick club things that's why i haven't been thinkign abt this lmfa#yeah so now i dont think i can do masters here :c which also means i dont have that as a reason to hang around and stay in glowstick clublo#i could still do that but#ugh whatever im trying to write a fucking cover letter rn for a job i hate this already i've barely done anything lmfao#i dont super understand the job description which is maybe a sign i shouldnt apply lmfao but it's like#data science w my year and i feel like i meet some of the qualifications so#just gotta somehow bullshit another paragraph of this cover letter together#i also dont even know if i actualy wanna fucking do a data analyst job like#i kinda wanna work for like a non profit or smaller org kinda thing all this shit sounds hella boring that i keep seeing for bigger#companies lmao which im not saying would no be the case for smaller but#idk i jsigsdfhjlbgpidwurhgbipwdhgfudjshlk why did i start this so late LMAO#i had a job opening that i was gonna apply for that looked pretty good and i felt pretty qualified for just based on the listing#and the deadline was the 15th but it fucking disappeared the job isnt there anymore ig im so sad lmfao#as;lkfngbjifbgqipurgipqhrgfipuaf i hate this :DDDDDD#jeanne talks
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i come up with ideas based on the most random things because wdym i just rambled on about fucking fingers and decided,,,, heh,,,,, yeah. this is a good idea. well i mean i do think it IS a good idea but also like in hindsight and out of context i do think its totally fucking stupid. angel92 ahh post 💀💀💀
anyways i was thinking about mtt and fingers and which ones they would lose as a result of being with eachother but then that also means that i'd have to give specific meanings to the fingers (ughhhh,,,,,) ok lets see. pointer finger would represent precision and clear vision because you literally use it to specifically gesture to things. middle finger is like ughh vulgarity and hatred because its the middle finger. the ring finger (heh! i already spoke about this one because of the myth that its connected to the heart and also holds wedding rings) represents love and the pinkie represent promise (PINKIE PROMISE!) and the thumb represents basic functioning and interpretations (because the thumb helps us literally hold things and also thumbs up and down shows your view on things)
i think if i just tack this idea onto the other post about ring fingers then it would be kinda unrealted + plus too long SO ITS GOING HERE. all the mtt are missing ring fingers because i said so. dust is missing an index finger because if the trio break up he's the only one that wouldnt have anywhere/one to go. also he'd struggle to smoke and i think that horror would always complain about him smoking so it'd be like horror's still kinda there warding him off from smoking even though he's not there anymore. horror would lose his middle finger because he'd probably be the most agressive against kist in mttpoly and now without them there he's kinda chilled out. but also the agression and spark isnt there and now he's stuck in plain old boring regular horrortale again which isnt all that fun,,,, even if dust an killer sucked fighting was a way to pass time. but horror would never admit that. and i think killer could lose a thumb (ill be fr im just running out of fingers to use here. next thing yk i'll start talking about TOES) and then he'd struggle to hold knives normally now. he literally can't hurt others the way he hurt horror and dust (but also that could also mean that killer just has to come up with more creative ways to main. or also his reduced actions could result in him causing less trouble and therefore having less threats. depends on if killer wants to be a bit more knife happy or just chil,,,,,, you KNOW i gotta go with the knife happy idea mtt NEVER get a break and if they do i immediately forget about it)
dude imagine them with all these missing fingers 💀💀💀 that shit would lookd SO weird
#triglycercule's on a BIT of a roll coming up with ideas#i dont particularly know why tbh i guess i've just gotten over this slump of not having ideas#i already have 3 other decent ISH ideas in my notes app i should probably figure thst out#and then of course i have my ever growing pile of drafts on here#i cleared some of them out so now i have 40~ but thats still a SHITTON of ideas ive yet to post#on the other post ive yet to post i got too fucking into the idea#like WDYM the mtt would all just COINCIDENTALLY lose their ring fingers#its a cool idea tho..... just seems a bit unfeasible to me but whatever everything is impossible snyways#i have summer homework due on tuesday ive yet to do i should REALLY probably do that#and a test im 90% sure im gonna BOMB on monday. its the EIGHTH DAY OF FUCKING SCHOOL AND A TEST#i havent even gotten used to doing HOMEWORK again and my bitchass math techer is giving us a TEST.... smh old people#anyways mtt have 2 hands all so they can beat eachother up#polyamory solves everything but the solution isn't all much healthier than if the trio just fucking stayed ALONE 😭😭😭😭#ugh i need them all to kill eachother SERIOUSLY and then they feel bad but also satisfied about it but also bad but also#what would that feeling be like as a word. what word would that be (asks killer because he doesnt know shit about emotions$#they are NOT doomed by the narrative but ALSO NOT soulmates in every universe (debatable in my head)#but instead they were never meant to be together and because they were never meant to be together they simply dont work#but just having that constant even if it hurts and you hate it and everything it stands for when you've had nothing that understands you#is just kinda like. damn. okay i might stay like this for a while#they are not doomed by the narrative they are doomed by each other#gawwwdddd i love mtt so much..... mttpoly..... they were mesnt to be#but didn't you just say they weren't??? ok MAYBE but its because theyre all such terrible fits thst they were meant to be#they all match eachother's freaks in a way that no other utmv character can. mtt gets mtt#the mtt have so many parallels i really should make a graph or something#they all have scary faces!!!! kinda. killer with the chara scary face#horror with his black drooly pissed face and i guess dust's shadowed out face could be scary#but i think that face would be scarier if there were realistic human eyes peeking out but wtvr#anyways all have scary face what else. theres so much more its not even funny they seriously are meant to be together#if always together in fandom art and writing and other depictions then why not poly??? why not TOGETHER together??? why mtt seperate???#tricule rant
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ill be like I can totally make a lighthearted post mentioning a kink i have and i wont even freak abt it. and then i freak abt it
#its not even one of the ones i normally freak abt. fml. fml. its spreading. eventually i wont even be able to say Strals exist without going#into system shutdown or something. this sucks#this is also why i have so much trouble posting on my nsft is ill go over there and be like. Id love to **** some ***** and then i get#terrified. so i dont#my pfp over there is literally. **** ******* ** * *** but i go over there to post abt how i want to **** * *** and im like that is deviant#i cannot be saying that in front of my followers. who dollowed my nsft blog. where i list the things im into . and my pfo is * **** *******#** * *** so its not like theyd be HORRIFIED if that came up#but idk... i worry ppl dont read my dni over there. bc usually they just follow me after seeing that one post which doesnt rly mention any#of the ones im weird abt. except for like kind of it does but whatever its fine i cannottt freak out abt that post its existed for like.#months now. sigh. its all just a bit embarassing which sucks#“mdni”#IN A MASSIVE WAY. idr if any minors still r here if im still muts with any....#its just like. IDK i either feel a bit silly posting on it and its just mildly embarass Or i send myself into hysterics over how im an evil#person bc i like. well i cant say. obviously. but yk. stufffff. that i am into. I HATE TALKING ABT IT BC IT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE AN EVIL#PERSON AND LIKE. its not anything like. UGH. im not into kids or animals 👍👍👍 obviously. and idt its that bad the things im into some of#them r like basically baby shit like ohhh woww youre into *********** and yet even that i cant talk abt it bc im like um im going to be#smited by god and sent to hell or soemthing and actually i only thing its normal bc im a disgusting weird freak and everybody would kill me#immediately if they knew also im an evil person? its like. UGHHHH.#and the other stuff is. less 'mainstream' which is even scarier but ig in a way ive been More open abt it which is kind of funny. looks at.#but even then i dont rly go in detail bc yk. Stuff. im just like lol they r the way they r bc of how i am. and then i walk away forever#idk. ive been feeling so guilty over that specifically like. UGH. its not like. ugh. i rly cant talk abt it without it being obvious and im#scared byt im also like Compelled to talk abt it so ppl dont think its worse but im also compelled not to bc thats like oversharing i guess#as if thta isnt All i do on this fuckass blog. no matter what i do i lose. i hate my brain so badly i wish i could judt get over it and jus#be like yep these r the things and not have to like over clarify and explain and disclaimer everything and stuff . idk. it suck#mdni#the quotes didnt take it to the top like they used to. kms
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vent below so dont feel like you have to read this 👍i simply have no where else to put this bc i dont want to Bother My Friends
god i wish i could just kill myself but i like. cant. there's too much stopping me. but i dont want to do anything anymore. i dont want to deal with this constant misery of being trapped in a brain with a death wish hellbent on making me want to die horrifically. i wish people just hated me outright so i had a good excuse to just call it quits on life and die
#blaire.txt#vent#suicide tw#suicidal ideation tw#suicide cw#suicidal ideation cw#i like playing games but literally everything besides that just feels pointless. i want to draw but like. its miserable.#even creating stories is stressful now because nothing i can come up with is even the slightest bit original#its all just utter garbage. i want to give up. i dont want to deal with this shit#please god just hate me already. i wish everyone just wanted me to die#so i could. so i could just lay down and never get up. i hate working i hate having to take care of myself i hate doing anything#i hate living in this house i hate the way ive become! i wish i wasnt so demotivated and lazy! i miss being able to DO THINGS!#but at this point im 17 and still an absolute fucking failure who just lives to disappoint . i want to kill myself but i cant#i dont know why people even care about me. because im really a terrible friend#every time i read past conversations ive had with people i want to die because im just so unlikeable i DONT GET why people stick around#im not mad at anyone but myself here. i just wish i was better. and not a total waste of space.#i want to die! i want to die! i want to die!!!#ugh its like i feel these things but also i feel nothing. like im empty. this is all my genuine thoughts and im losing it but also i feel s#disconnected from all of this#i feel so much yet so little. lol im truly just fucked up huh#whatever#im really sorry to be a bother#i really am i just have nowhere to go#and i dont want to bother my friends ig#repetition cw#repetition#repetition tw
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being a wag is hard | oscar piastri
pairing: oscar piastri x rock star!reader
summary: oscar spends a week as the most hated ‘wag.’ he thinks he can handle it. he can’t.
notes: beware!!! oscar hate ahead 😞 pls send in request!!
ynupdates: y/n was seen at the monaco grand prix today! she was said to be in the mclaren garage, hanging out with the two drivers, lando norris and oscar piastri.
view comments below!
user1: NO Y/N STAY AWAY FROM THOSE MUSTY MEN
user2: oh y/n no…
user3: those m-men 🤮🤮 better not lay a HAND on queen y/n
user4: why did i just see a photo of y/n and that oscar kid making out on my timeline…
user5: WHAT
user6: YOURE FUCKING KIDIDNG ME
user7: pls tell me your lying before i actually hurl up my lunch
user8: NOOOO
user9: i just fell to my knees in h-mart
user10: maybe she’s just there to watch the race?? 😰😰
user11: literally praying that’s all it is 😞
ynupdates: i am heartbroken to say that it seems like y/n is going out with f1 driver oscar piastri. these were sent in last night.
view comments below!
user12: NOOOOOO
user13: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???
user14: NOOOOOOOOOOOO
user15: this can the real
user16: n-no no way
user17: A MAN???? HURL HURL HURL
user18: GAG
user19: no this can’t be right it can’t be
user20: i’m killing myself
user21: this can’t be true
user22: honestly i’m just happy it isn’t that twig ‘lando’
— y/n has posted new photos!
liked by, landonorris, and 723,928 others!
yourusername: monaco, i love you 🎸
view comments below!
user23: UGH YOU LOOK SO GOOD
user24: GIRL YOU ARE STUNNING
user25: pls come to africa next 💙💙
user26: I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AT THAT FUCKKNG CONCERT!! BUT THE TICKETS GOT SOULD OUT TO FAST 😡😡
user27: holy shit i just combusted
user28: why isn’t her b-boyfriend 🤮 in her likes OR comments??
user29: oscar what ever his last name is can’t HANDLE ALL THAT
user30: leave him for me baby 👀
user31: i can’t believe she’s dating an musty f1 man 🤢
user32: you could SO MUCH BETTER BABY 😒
— oscar piastri has posted new photos!
liked by yourusername, landonorris, and 973,928 others!
oscarpiastri: Feeling the Monégasque love this weekend 💛
view comments below!
user32: you’re not good enough for her
user33: free y/n 😔
user34: who do you think you are stealing my gf like that??
yourusername: who is that sexy sexy man
user35: NO Y/N LOOK AWAY
user36: NO THIS ISNT RIGHT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AND WE GET MARRIED AND HAVE THREE KIDS
user37: leave y/n alone or i will gut you like a fish
user38: stop smiling. nothings funny.
— three days later!
liked by, oscar piastri, landonorris, maxverstappen1, and 972,724 others!
yourusername: okay, stop hating on oscar now.
view comments below!
user39: okay!
user40: whatever you say queen 😁
user41: we just had to make sure he was right for you!!
user42: now that i’m taking a good look…he’s kinda cute?
user43: whatever you say 😍
landonorris: the switch up??
user44: who do you think you are
user45: get out of here
user46: oscar was just a tease, we will run you to the ground ugly ass
user47: who’s talking to you
landonorris: OMG IM SORRY???
user48: if he ever hurts her istg
user49: we will stop hating on oscar now 😵💫
#oscar piastri f1#oscar piastri fluff#oscar piastri social media au#oscar piastri smau#oscar piastri x y/n#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri#oscar piastri x reader#f1#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 imagine#f1 x female reader#f1 x reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 social media au#f1 smau
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I salute to you and thank you for your service 🫡😔
u guys weren’t there in 2018 fighting the atreus annoying and useless allegations like i was. i was on the front lines
#(long rant ahead) i wasnt but i can imagine how terrible it first was#then it got worse for those sticking around since 2018 with rag coming out UGH#atreus/angrboda fans will always have to be battling it seems 😔#I lurk a bit so ive seen older reactions to him and im just like man! who knew an 11 yr old is 11!#idk being a new fan i have a completely different outlook on everything so i dont hold the same contempt as others do#alot of this ���fandom” intentionally ignores things bc they dont care and thats fine or whatever but if u dont care for anything or anyone#outside of kratos why are u around 😭😭#Like we are no longer there anymore bro he has a home with family thats alive and thriving#The extreme negativity is one of the reasons why i was hesitant to be here in the first place#Not the first fandom and probably not the last im associated with but this one i think is the first one where i genuinely feel everyone#is miserable with EVERYTHING.#Matter of fact i dont even consider myself part of the fandom LOL#Im just here enjoying what i enjoy#It really sucks liking a character(s) thats almost universally hated for some(dumb) reason#Like… everyone is just negative and i see that even on twitter to the point i just have to mute/block ppl.#I dont tend to care (or try not to care) abt things like this but i dont think ppl realize being in that state can leak into#Smth you dont want. Yes not everything is glitters and butterflies but to stay in that negative mindset is just crazy to me.#ESPECIALLY over a fucking VIDEOGAME CHARACTER like girl bye😭😭😭#I have my own gripes with my other fave games and fandoms i been in but this fandom takes the cake of being a drag#Sms taking a lot of risks and continue trying with atreus gives me hope for him and angie. Idk what theyll do with them#From here on out but they realize no matter what they do its gonna get some level of hate.#I dont even know if ill like their characterization next game either but with what ive seen so far i think they are in good hands.#Im sorry for the really long rant you guys i just needed to say this LOL#When it comes to atreus/angrboda i get a bit passionate but also since sunny/laya are around my age and knowing how gamers are#Its just really aggravating seeing shit like this#Not to say i cant get crazy myself (cuz i can im ngl) but alot of times i just have to take a step back and BREATHE.#Theres a small change ive seen with the hate towards them (ppl have been getting kinda annoyed with it since thats all they talk abt)#But collectively i hope one day ppl genuinely like them. Not out of pity or anything either. But bc they enjoy their characters :)#Im manifesting that it will happen LOL#manifesting all good things towards atreus/angrboda🕯️🕯️🕯️
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