#i feel like my dad has many many issues but he's very well practiced at pretending they don't exist

[ohtoburden]

thinking about my dad breaking down crying in the car while driving me to school when he and my mom were separated, and how he said he still loved her.

like, did he?

wouldn't he have listened to her when she talked about how his family was treating her badly? wouldn't he have stepped in? wouldn't he have taken her side in enforcing punishment for us kids when we did something wrong? being the sole bread winner, when you agreed to that dynamic before marriage, isn't enough.

mom had the qualifications to work, she could have done it. she wanted to do it but she thought that if it was with dad, she'd be happy to have kids and be a stay at home parent.

and she cheated on him, because she felt he wasn't there for her emotionally, after all those years. it's it cheating if you don't feel like the relationship is real anymore? if you feel abandoned in it?

i mean personally yeah, it's cheating. have it out with the man and leave him, christ. but also i sort of understand her.

i don't know what kind of love has you so absent from your relationship, so unable to communicate or change or compromise or discuss when possible are first brought up, but then somehow has you break down to your kid about years later.

also man, i don't know what an appropriate relationship with your parents is supposed to be like, but that moment was so baffling. i always thought my parents were ill-matched. that they got into fights all the time. i didn't understand why they'd married. and i was a teenager dealing with so many issues, it just felt so stupid.

like, why are you breaking down to me, 16, currently suicidal, traumatised by your and mom's parenting, engaging in self destruction behind closed bathroom and bedroom doors. what on earth are you doing. what was i supposed to do with that? what was i supposed to do about it? we were on the way to school, for christ's sake. i had just a normal full day of classes ahead. i was 16. what the hell.

and now later as an adult. after my parents finally fully separated. before my dad found someone new to see. him coming to my room at 3 in the morning to check on me, but i'm always awake at those hours, so we end up talking. and we talk about his life and mine but in such a way that i am somehow basically a therapist.

who opens up to their 23 year old about being bullied in grade school, and that they've never told literally anyone else. not his parents, not his siblings, not his friends. how am i the first person you tell about this? that's so sad for him, that it took me for him to finally find someone to open up to. it took me being me, but also him not having a Wife he could pretend everything was ok with. that his lofe was exactly where he wanted it to he.

because as soon as he started seeing his new partner the pseudo therapy sessions with me stopped, of course. as soon as he started seeing her he was fine! i can't remember if i told him about the issues he gave me before or after he started seeing her, but that talk was in the daytime. you know, like a normal conversation. jesus christ.

[mrcrawly]

Jayvik headcanons

hello jayvik nation im dumping these here bc im almost done with the second chapter of my fic and these have been stewing a while

Viktor

has the most beautiful curly calligraphy handwriting ever but it's so curly and fancy you genuinely can't read it

Ibuprofen allergy. source: my twisted mind

fidgeting with stuff all the time. paperclips, pencils, clips, rubber bands, the buttons on his vest

bonus to that one: he messes with his vest buttons so much that Jayce is constantly having to sew them back on when they come off

chronic nail biter

big sweet tooth

great cook but a shitty baker

"get even" kind of person; probably holds grudges from the second grade

doesn't cry very often but can be sensitive in the sense that he cares very much how his closest friends view him and internalizes their opinions

love languages are words of affirmation and acts of service

likes to be touched but not held (autism)

hates winter because it makes his joints hurt, summer is unbearably hot and he can't stand it, he has spring allergies; default fall enjoyer

animals really like him and strays tend to show up at the lab or follow him around

children like Viktor. Viktor doesn't like children back

kids will sometimes randomly talk to him and tell him things in public and he doesn't have the heart to be mean to them or ignore them so he just sits there like "mhm ☺️" while they talk until their parents apologize and walk off

probably has a pet reptile (a turtle or some kind of lizard methinks)

cold natured and wears seven hundred billion blankets to bed every night no matter the season

identifies as male in the sense that he was born a man and just never bothered to think much about it but doesn't fully grasp the concept or purpose of gender. could tell you what makes a man a man or what makes a woman a woman but doesn't understand why nor care

interested in jayce from the beginning but never felt as if he was in competition with Mel

sorry they can pry the JayMelVik love triangle out of my cold dead hands ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

not very affectionate because he doesn't know how to discuss his own feelings but very good at soothing other people

Jayce

dysgraphia (i think that's the term?) – not many issues with reading but not the best with writing

viktor is hyperlexic so it works out alright

AMAZING at drawing. like if he didn't have the passion for science he would be an artist. he draws out all their diagrams and blueprints and Viktor labels them

can cook pretty well but doesn't like to do it; if he stays at Viktor's place then Viktor always cooks for him

likes baking because he controls every single thing that goes in and it's very exact

both he and Viktor have chronic pain in their hands (carpal tunnel) from spending all their time taking notes and working with small delicate parts

he doesn't complain about his even when it bothers him because it feels silly knowing how bad Viktor's pain is every day 💔💔💔💔

10,000 step haircare routine but Viktor's looks better anyway

used to be prone to acne as a teen (if accutane existed in arcane he would have been an accutane kid)

(i was an accutane kid and im projecting)

shaved regularly pre-hexcore because his father had facial hair and he looks a lot like his dad anyway; he was always a little worried if he grew it out it would remind Ximena too much of his dad and make her sad

took entire days off of work and pushed deadlines back when Viktor got bad just so he could stay with him when Viktor was in too much pain to do practically anything

used to deliberately sleep in the lab because Viktor would stay late and he didn't want Viktor to be alone in case he passed out or something happened

love languages are physical touch, gift giving, and quality time

money doesn't exist to him when he's buying other people things. can't do secret santas at Christmas bc he constantly exceeds the budget

simultaneously one of those people who legitimately cannot accept gifts and feels bad when people give him things

was genuinely so in love with Mel; used to have dreams about marrying her and living somewhere quiet with her

most definitely forgave her for manipulating him on the council and understood her but it was just never the same

bottom. argue with the wall

OUGHHHH my shayla 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

guess my favorite character challenge level impossible (it's so unbelievably obvious)

[beemochi-art]

For the Character: twitch 8, thrash 2, nightshade 18, hashtag 20, jawbreaker 21 and slipstream 14.

For the Ship Forte-verse Jazz/prowl D and for the author 🌍

2) First time meeting their best friend

Thrash first time meeting his best friends is when the Malto adopted him. Robby and Mo aren’t just his siblings but his best friends.

HOWEVER! Thrash was ecstatic to meet JB. They are connected to each other through an emotional bond and became friends quickly.

8) First time they took a risk, or the biggest risk they've ever taken

Teaching herself how to fly. None of the autobots fly, Wheeljack tried his best to help her but unfortunately he wasn’t successful at teaching something he doesn’t know. She had to learn herself, and with a lot of practice (and being a bit of an extremist.) she got it.

14) First time facing their fears

Slipstream isn’t necessarily scared of concepts she is instead more scared of certain people. She is afraid of Megatron most of all. She most of the time stayed out of his way. But When Megatron was going to kill Starscream she couldn’t stand by. She shielded Starscream with her body, this decision could have killed her but instead Megatron spared Starscream. She still got hit but at least her dad is alive, though he probably wished he was dead during the beating. Though she faced Megatron she is still scared.

18) First example of real character growth along their journey

(SMALL RANT. I am very upset on the treatment of Nightshade by both the fandom and the writers, l wont start on my issues with the fandom cause those issues aren’t relevant here. I wanted so desperately for Nightshade to be an actual character, and for season one they were but after that it was just over, no more problems, no more contemplating issues. Unfortunately like most Lgbtq characters, they are turned into a place holder, just a box to check on the pandering list. It seems like now nightshade is just the person with the remote that fixes everything, part of the reason why I like Earthspark Expeditions is Nightshades dialogue when you screw up. Nightshade pull no punches on making you feel bad, which is something that happened to me a lot cause I was really bad at those side quests. But even though they weren’t a playable character they still felt like more then a place holder, that bot can be sassy. And I loved it. But alas, it’s probably too much to expect a company to make actual Lgbtq characters like normal character. Regardless I feel like it is important to include lgbtq characters in media)

ANYWAY!! Nightshade came online and was alone, they saw the decepticons destroying everything/ some decepticons seeing Nightshade as vermin and the Autobots fighting back in a brutal way. They recognized that they were a similar species to the cybertronians but renounce they’re ferocity and brutal ways. Nightshade also learn the hard way that humans aren’t that different either. Feeling alone and confused about the world around them, they decided they would just live solitary. Until that option wasn’t available anymore due to the decepticons. Nightshade left with no better option followed Twitch to the Autobot base. Nightshade was stand-offish and sometimes mean. Throughout they’re adventures they learn that the Autobots are here to protect them and may not be right all the time but are trying. Nightshade connected with Bumblebee, they have many similarities. Nightshade also come to sympathies with some cons as well. Nightshade wants gets inspired to want things to change in peaceful way… there has to be a way.

20) First time they felt accepted/welcomed by another character

Hashtag had to be rescued from a M.E.C.H base. Being forced to fight both autobots and decepticons, She was very confused, aggressive and didn’t really know anything. She did know the bots she had an emotional connection with were apart of her in some ways and could be trusted. She didn’t really like humans either, so when Thrash took all the Terrans back to the Malto home she stay around the woods near their home.

It took lots of time but the Terrans as a collective brought her out of her shell and made her feel safe. They told her that technically she was the reason they all were together now. They may have never met if she didn’t call to them.

21) First major change in their life, and how they dealt with it

Jawbreaker leaving the decepticons. He had too. He needed to go find what was calling to him. But that wasn’t the only reason. He knew Megatron is wrong, maybe he was right a long time ago but now it’s wrong. Jb barely understands anything about the War but he has seen people get hurt, he’s been hurt.

Jb took a risk and left without looking back. He mostly keeps to himself about his decision but sometimes struggles with it and wants to go back. He’s not dealing with it too good, but he’s got his siblings to lean on when he needs it. He just hopes those he left behind are doing ok.

D) First kiss

After a couple of dates and Jazz egging Prowl on. Prowl went to kiss him, unfortunately there was more then his nerves getting in the way.

🌍 - First attempt at worldbuilding, or a notable piece of worldbuilding you're proud of

A personal series I have which has OOTALS AND OOTALS of of world building that I am proud of. I love this story and I’ve had it for years, probably one of the early stories I’ve made. It’s called Wolfram.

Tf stuff has definitely helped my world building skill.

[im-not-buying-it-ether]

Indoctrinate me baby! Legit I'm trying to expand my comics experience lol so if you wanna rant about Mary marvel a bit I'll totally listen:)

You know not the monster you have unleashed

But none the less, happy to squeal!

Mary has two surnames for varied reasons but I'll tell you the basics of her big appearances. Earth-S or classic Mary, New Earth or PoS (Power of Shazam) Mary, and 52/current Mary.

Classy Mary was raised as Mary Bromfield, a very well educated and intelligent ingenue with lots of academic and practical knowledge. The former of which we see in her first appearance as a contestant on a sort of gameshow segment Billy is hosting and, during a trip over commercial, Billy finds out he had a long-lost twin sister that was swapped with another couples deceased child at age 6 months, so Billy thought he was an only child. The person expositing this is the nurse who swapped them, and she gives Billy a half heart locket to identify his sister with, and that sister turns out to be Mary who he saves after she's kidnapped after the show.

Billy reveals himself after saving her as Captain Marvel and Mary wonders aloud if, since they're twins, she could transform by saying Shazam too. Lo and behold, she does! With a pantheon her own the Wizard procured she becomes Mary Marvel, Earths Mightiest Girl, and fights crime with her brother and their friend Freddy Freeman (Captain Marvel Junior).

Mary had her own comic run, lots of adventures fighting such treats as witches or dealing with mundane trials like baby-sitting way too many kids, but she does all this good with pride and cataloged it for her own trips down memory lane in her Good Deeds Ledger. One other story I adore where she loses her powers due to a calendar issue is that she's able to keep fighting with funny traps and devices when she's lost her powers to keep taking down the mobsters of that issue. Mary is a very kind, good hearted, and clever girl with a family in the Bromfields and with Billy and their extended Marvel Family.

Power of Shazam Mary was raised as Mary Batson, no swapping in childhood, but after a crazy trip to Cairo for a dig with her archeologist parents when Billy was left home for the trip due to bad grades in school Mary loses both her parents and is smuggled back to the states by their killer and passed off to the killers sister to deal with. The killers sister is the updated nurse who swapped Mary in the last iteration, Nurse Primm, who had Mary adopted by the Bromfield couple where the mother was a cousin of Mary's mother and didn't want Mary to end up with their uncle like Billy would end up. Mary suffered from amnesia and night terrors after the whole ordeal and couldn't remember the Batsons, only a vague feeling that Captain Marvel looked like her dad when she saw him.

Eventually, Billy is able to reveal the whole thing and in another kidnapping plot Mary does get her powers again, though this time shared with Billy and his pantheon. After a lot more plot of the PoS comics, both Billy and Mary end up adopted by the Bromfield couple and living together as superpowered siblings.

Current Mary is only Mary Bromfield, no longer the twin sister to Billy as she was in all other iterations of her character. She is college aged, ran away from her home with the Bromfields in winter because of their abuse, and ended up fostered by the Vasquez Family where she would get Freddy and later Billy as foster brothers. Billy would share his powers with his family again, empowering Mary again, but after comic plot and Lazuras Planet: We Once Were Gods, Mary is empowered by her own pantheon again while Billy regains the favor of the Wizard and his pantheon.

Mary's Shazacronym as I like to call it goes as such|

Classic + Current

Selene: Agility Hippolyta: Strength Artemis: Stamina Zephyrus: Flight Aurora: Invunerability Minerva: Wisdom

PoS with Billy and Freddy

Solomon: Wisdom Heracles: Strength Atlas: Stamina Zeus: Power Achillies: Courage Mercury: Speed

And yes, if you noticed, Mary does not have a power blessing in her current or classic iteration but nonetheless, she is able to shoot and use lightning powers. She's an og girl boss like that :)

[lilithkennedyyy]

Young and Beautiful- Leon S. Kennedy

I came back to my hometown for my dad's birthday after a while of not seeing him. 22, big dreams and a lonely heart. I thought it's gonna be a normal day, until I found out my dad's best friend was already there- someone I haven't seen in years. But he wasn't the man I remembered... he was someone else now. Someone I couldn't ignore, even if I knew I should. Suddenly, nothing felt simple anymore.

!!!Please read below!!!

The main character is a woman, but I'm thinking of doing G.N. stories as well in the near future! This is for the girlies who have a thing for older Leon (I got inspired by his Infinite Darkness version). And for the girlies with daddy issues. Even if you don't have daddy issues, you're still more than welcomed here.

In this story, Leon is a police officer, I thought it would be more fitting. This story is inspired by some songs from: The Weeknd, Lana Del Rey, The Neighbourhood and Arctic Monkeys.

This is a oneshot, but it has quite some buildup, being separated by "phases" (titles of some songs that inspired me). This story contains mature content, sex scenes, and also a huge age gap. If you're not comfortable with that, I don't recommend reading it.

This is my first time writing a fanfic seriously, so I'm sorry for any mistakes. English is also my second language. I know it's long, but I think it's gonna be worth it. I really hope you'll enjoy it, since I put in so much time and effort into this!! xx

______________________________________________________________

OLD MONEY

It's my dad's birthday. I came home after a very long time just to surprise him. I finally reached my street, happy memories making the frustration in my body disappear. I had flashbacks of my dad teaching me how to ride a bike, and memories of me and my friends playing around when I was little. But those times were gone in the blink of an eye.

I finally arrived home, the sight of how everything changed making me feel nostalgic, remembering how everything was when I lived with my dad, with no care in the world. I opened the gate with my free hand, struggling since I had so many bags of gifts and goodies. My dad turns 43 only once, right? I somehow managed to open the gate, closing it behind me as I walked towards the door. Locked. What a great start...

I felt the anger build up in my body. I already had a horrible day, and this was the last drop. I knew my dad wasn't home, it was a surprise after all. But I still tried my luck, knocking at the door. Maybe, just maybe he was home, even though that would mean that my surprise would be ruined. After a few seconds, I heard the key unlocking the door from the other side. "Damn it, he's home", I thought. I was preparing myself to hug him and sing a silly "Happy birthday". But when the door opened, my eyes widened and I felt my jaw fall to the ground.

It was Leon. My dad's best friend. I haven't seen him since I was 20 on my birthday. I will never forget him dressing up as a princess that day, even though I was complaining that it was embarrassing.

Looking back, it wasn't embarrassing. It was... adorable. Precious. And I would pay good money just to see him like that again. The great police officer Leon S. Kennedy in such a state? Just for me? Hell yeah, sign me in.

I looked at Leon in shock, dropping my bags to the floor.

"Leon?", I asked, my lips slightly parted in surprise.

"Lilith? Is this you?", he asked, his mouth wide open in shock.

NARATOR'S POV

He was barely processing what was happening. He was analyzing her from head to toe: from the different color of her hair, to her tattoos, her curves, the way her lacy black dress was accentuating perfectly what needed to be accentuated. His eyes were totally betraying him. She wasn't his little girl anymore. She was all grown up. And oh, how he liked it...

MY POV

A big smile appeared on my face as I practically jumped into his arms, giving him a huge, tight hug. He reciprocated, wrapping his arms around my midsection. He smelled so good... Damn it, FOCUS.

"Holy shit, Leon- you've... changed...", I said as I pulled my face away from his chest to look at him. That perfectly sculpted face, as it always was. He had a few faint wrinkles, but oh how good they made him look- FOCUS. I needed to focus.

"You... you too... are you sure you're still my little Lilith that I remember?", He chuckled, but he was completely flustered. The great police officer Leon S. Kennedy being flustered by a 20-something year old? The little girl he held in his arms when he was around her age?

"You want me to give you my ID? Damn, your job really put its mark on you..." I laughed, still analyzing every detail of his face.

"Hmmm...", he pretended to think, "If you're the Lilith I know, tell me your favorite ice cream flavor." 

"Easy. Coke popsicles." I immediately replied.

"Great, you're not an impostor. Welcome back, sweetheart!" He said with a chuckle, hugging me even tighter as if I wasn't real. Like I would've disappeared if he would've let me go.

I gave him a warm smile before unwrapping my hands from him, getting the bags I left at the door and going to the living room, unpacking the gifts I got for my dad, and the goodies I brought. Leon followed me, standing by my side. His back faced the table, his hands on the edge of it, as he was looking at me up and down. He was lost in the memories of us.

THE KNOWING

"So... How have you been? It's been so long...", he said with a borderline pained expression. The time and distance between us made his heart grow fonder. But little did I know back then...

"I've been... fine, overall. Working, studying, the whole shebang.", I answered as I was still unpacking my stuff.

"Such a productive young lady, I see...", he answered me with a soft smile.

"I got that from my dad, you know? The most ambitious man I know", I chuckled, looking up at him.

"I know. You got all of his qualities. And his anger issues.", he joked around, hitting my shoulder playfully.

"If you don't know me, I don't know who does...", rolling my eyes.

"Don't roll those eyes at me. And besides, aren't your friends supposed to know you better than me?", he asked with a slightly confused look, raising his eyebrow.

"Well, I don't have many friends. And after all, you know me since I was a baby. You know me like my dad does. If not better...", I said, my tone getting quiet at the last sentence.

"I can't know you better than he does, Lilith." , he shrugged.

"You do, Leon. He never had time for me. He only took care of me financially. But emotionally, he was never there. You were the one who listened to me whenever I had a problem, the one who got me out of trouble every time I was problematic, and the one who truly... cared..."

I was frustrated at that point, remembering how my dad was always too busy for me. How he was always leaving me behind. But Leon... he was always there.

He cared a lot about me, and he did anything to just put the faintest smile on my face. That, of course, was the bare minimum. Nothing was impossible for him, just to make me happy.

NARATOR'S POV

Leon's expression softened as he listened to her. He remembered how he was always there for her. But he also remembered how he wanted her all for himself. How he wanted to be the reason for her happiness, fulfillment, excitement... love... pretty little sounds... Damn. He wanted her to be his everything. And he wanted him to be her everything.

Old memories made their way back to him, making him feel nostalgic and... emotional. He was looking at her like he never felt love in his life, like she was the only one who was making him feel it for the first time. So many unspoken truths that needed to be kept a secret were obvious on his face. His expression told a story of a painful, forbidden love.

He was so restrained, but so consumed by the need of her. He knew it was wrong. She was the daughter of his best friend. And the age gap was even more insane. But this time, it felt like nothing could stop him. He wanted her to be his. She activated a protective and possessive side of him like no one ever could.

MY POV

I noticed he was deeply lost in his thoughts. But somehow, I knew what he was thinking. His eyes weren't lying. I knew him too well. But... would it be actually real? Or is it just nostalgia? Confusion? Frustration?

Would it be real that he felt the same towards me? Would it be real that he looked at me while thinking that I was the most beautiful woman on earth? While thinking that I'm his no matter what?

Leon gave me a small smile after his deep thinking process, after remembering that we were having an actual conversation.

"I do care a lot about you, Lilith. But don't be so harsh with your dad... I'm sure he's trying his best." He slightly changed the topic as he was trying to calm himself down from his restless mind.

"I'm not being harsh, it's the truth. I will never talk to him about this, though... I know he's busy and he's trying his best. But sometimes... people hurt us without realizing it, or even while still wanting the best for us..." I answered him on a calmer tone.

"It's true... anyhow, I'll always be here for you. No matter what." He reassured me, putting his hand on my shoulder, his touch feathery.

"Thank you, Leon... You have no idea how much this means to me. And it's mutual, you know?" I gave him a soft smile, feeling my self-restraint breaking down in the slightest way.

He reciprocated the smile, pulling me into a gentle, comforting hug. I hugged him back, losing myself into his touch. I could feel the faint smell of his cologne, mixed with a slight whiskey scent. He smelled intoxicating in the best way possible. He felt addicting. No...he was addicting.

My hands were rubbing small circles on his back, not wanting to pull away from his embrace for a second. I was feeling his breath hit the crook of my neck with every exhale, creating goosebumps all over my skin.

The moment was interrupted by my dad who just came home. We quickly split apart, greeting him and wishing him a happy birthday. I hugged him, but the hug felt... empty. I put my "happy" façade back on as we started chatting, stealing glances of Leon from time to time.

_______________________________________________

After a bit of chatting, we went to the dinner table to eat something, finally having a good time and forgetting about the daily struggles.

"And... what do you wanna do afterwards?", I asked them as I was taking another bite of my food.

"Hmmm... I thought about playing some board games.", my dad answered.

"Really, dad? Don't you want something more... entertaining?" I laughed.

"Oh come on, princess... I thought you liked those!" My dad pouted.

"I do, don't get me wrong... But, I thought about some karaoke. That microphone is probably rusting somewhere!" I exclaimed, laughing.

"You heard the princess, man. If she wants karaoke, we'll do karaoke. Aren't you used to it already?" Leon said amused.

"Ugh, finally someone who gets it..." I looked over to Leon, giving him a soft smile.

"I think I might know you a little too well..." Leon said, giving me a "You already know that anyway" kind of look.

I WANNA BE YOURS

We all finished our food, and I got the plates to discard them into the sink. I went back to the living room, looking for that damned microphone, as promised. As I finally found it, I powered on the laptop, connecting it to the new speakers my dad bought.

"So... who should start their lovely concert?" I asked, looking at my dad and Leon.

My dad got up from the couch, snatching the microphone away from my hands, sassier than ever.

"Damn, such a diva today..." I said as I rolled my eyes, amused by his behavior.

He laughed while he was searching for some songs to sing along to. He started with some random party song, making me and Leon laugh to the point where we were in tears. The way he danced along too- damn! He was such a sassy queen. Well, I'm his daughter after all. No wonder why turned out the way I am now.

A few songs and a few drinks later, it was my turn. I got up from the couch, going to the laptop. I thought for a few seconds, and the ideas that came up were... somehow perfect. Why somehow? Well, I could use this opportunity to finally confess to Leon. Once and for all. But the downside was- maybe he wouldn't feel the same. I started feeling insecure, every ounce of confidence I had going down the drain. If I was so sure that he wanted me beforehand, why was I feeling like this?...

I started typing anxiously, searching for the song I had in mind. I hit the "play" button, taking a deep breath to gather myself up, before taking the microphone into my hand. My heart was racing, and I felt my palms get sweaty. I finally took one more deep breath, gathering back my courage and a spark of confidence, as I started singing:

"I wanna be your vacuum cleaner

Breathing in your dust

I wanna be your Ford Cortina

I will never rust"

I noticed the way Leon was looking at me as he recognized the song. I noticed how his breath hitched in his throat as the song started playing, his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink.

"Secrets I have held in my heart

Are harder to hide than I thought

Maybe I just wanna be yours

I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours..."

I continued to sing, trying my best not to look too much at him. My dad was there, after all. How could I let him know that... I was in love with his best friend?

Leon on the other hand, was hanging by a thread. As soon as I started singing the chorus, he turned restless. He looked at me, his gaze almost pleading, almost as if he was... desperate. Desperate for my touch, for my love, for... me.

The song eventually ended, and my dad was completely oblivious. He had no clue about my thoughts and intentions behind the song. And thank fuck for that.

"I have one more song I've been practicing, if you don't mind..." I told them. It was a lie. I haven't been practicing anything. But I just needed to get everything off my chest.

They both nodded, curious for my next song choice. I took quick, sneaky glances of Leon, who was sent into pure oblivion at that point. I started the song, hiding the slight mischief on my face.

"I think I need someone older

Just a little bit colder 

Take the weight off your shoulders

Think I need someone older

Baby, am I your little secret?

18, I'm old enough to keep it..."

Leon's jaw dropped as I started singing, his heart drumming into his ears. He could barely listen to me at that point, almost as if he was completely disconnected from reality.

I looked over at him, giving him a knowing look, which made his eyes turn into pure fire. Desperation. Want. Need. Lust.

"Darling, hold me while you wipe my tears

Falling, you say I'm wise beyond my years

Yeah, guys, my age just aren't the same

I'm young and that's okay..."

He was clenching his fists so tight his knuckles turned white. He was completely lost, and he used his last ounce of self-control to keep himself together, to not break into pieces right there.

The song ended, and I gave my dad and Leon a small smile, my dad clapping his hands like I did some grand performance. Little did he know...

I took a seat between Leon and my dad, trying to calm myself down from what just happened. I looked over at Leon, who was completely desperate. I gave him the same look he had on his face: pleading. We chit-chatted for a few minutes, but we were barely resisting anymore. Occasional shoulder brushes, his knee brushing against my leg, our hands "accidentally" touching... it was way too much. For the both of us.

"Leon, don't you wanna sing something for us?" I asked him innocently.

He coughed to gain back his composure before answering: "I... I don't know how to sing, Lilith."

I scoffed: "Don't act like my dad knew how to sing, come on!"

"...Fine." He finally answered. "But only because you asked so nicely."

He got up from the couch, going to the laptop, absentmindedly searching for a song. His leg started bouncing with anxiety the second he sat on the chair, in front of the desk. He ran a hand over his face, his attempts to calm himself down being futile. He finally chose a song, and the second it started, my jaw dropped.

"I would rather, I would rather go blind

Then to see you walk away from me."

I was completely taken aback by his song choice. I shifted onto the couch, reaching to the coffee table in front of me to grab my drink. I took a long sip, trying to come back to my senses. But it was useless. COMPLETELY useless.

"So you see, I love you so much

That I don't wanna watch you leave me, baby 

Most of all, I just don't, I just don't wanna be free..."

That part was the last drop for me. I nearly gagged as he sang the "I love you" part, my heartbeat increasing like I just ran a long marathon. I locked eyes with him, and it felt like the world stopped. Like no one else existed, other than us. I took another sip of my drink as I looked at him, the lump I had in my throat still not going away.

The song eventually ended, and I looked over to my dad. I was so afraid that he'll find out. Maybe it was the paranoia, but he kinda looked like he knew. But if he knew, he would've instantly got up to beat Leon's ass. Best friends or not, he still wanted to protect me. I shook my head to regain my composure as Leon came back to the couch.

"You're not as bad of a singer as I thought, Leon." My dad chuckled. "Maybe we should do this more often."

I nearly spitted out my drink after hearing my dad. Doing this AGAIN? Not on my watch. "Maybe... Lilith's birthday is coming soon anyway." Leon answered him, then looking over at me. "Y-Yeah... a great... idea..." I said, looking down, unable to meet Leon's intense gaze.

TOO LATE

We kept chatting as time was passing, music still playing in the background. Nonetheless, the night wouldn't have been complete without my dad bringing up the never-ending topic- dating.

"Speaking of which, you said you had a date with some guy a few days ago. When will I be able to meet him?" My dad asked playfully.

Leon nearly choked on his drink as he heard my dad. He gripped his glass to almost the breaking point, his jaw flexing in jealousy.

"Well... It didn't work out. Again." I said with a slightly disappointed expression.

"Seriously? You'll gonna end up like those cat ladies everyone is making fun of." My dad, somehow disappointed, but not surprised.

I scoffed: "What can I do about it? It's not like I have Prince Charming right in front of me and I'm refusing to marry him!"

I did. He was right beside me. A blue-eyed Prince Charming who had gray hairs, who also happened to be almost 20 years older than me. And who also happened to be my dad's best friend. Thanks for the reminder, dad...

Leon's blood was boiling. He was possessive. He was jealous. He gripped the side of the couch in frustration, hoping no one would notice. But I did. I looked into his eyes for a few seconds, his grip on the couch loosening. But he was still filled with anger. Before I could return my attention to my dad, Leon gave me a betrayed look. It felt like he pulled at my heart strings.

"Well, maybe one day I'll see you get married. You know, I have a guy at work-"

I instantly interrupted my dad, the never-ending topic starting to get on my nerves. "Don't. Please. I will find someone one day. Just... don't say anything about your guys at work... again."

My dad rolled his eyes at me before he answered me on a slightly annoyed tone: "You'll never find someone if you keep being like this, you know?"

I bit my lip in frustration, fighting with myself in my head. One part of me wanted to tell him that I did in fact met someone... 22 years ago. And another part of me wanted peace. So I chose peace. I muttered a small "Whatever..." before taking a deep breath, my hand clenching at the couch the same way as Leon did. Oh, how the tables have turned.

WHAT YOU NEED

Time passed, and my dad got tired before me and Leon. He kissed my forehead and he thanked me for coming to this special day, and he shook hands with Leon, before going to his room. Me and Leon were still on the couch, the tension in the air thick enough to cut with a knife.

Silence. Only the faint sound of the music running in the background and our breaths filling the room.

Agonizing. So far, but so close.

I kept my gaze on the floor, fidgeting with the edge of my dress as I tried to keep my eyes away from Leon. And he was doing the same thing, looking at the floor as his knee was bouncing in anxiety.

A certain song that came up caught my attention. And... did it make sense.

"I got everything you want with me 

I do everything he does times three..."

A shiver ran down my spine as I heard the lyrics, reminding me of the topic me and my dad talked about earlier. Leon was paying attention to the lyrics as well, and he got it instantly. He related to it. Of course he did... I bit my lip as I heard the lyrics, knowing how true they were. He was way better than any ma- I can't even call them "men". He was better than any boy I met. He was a man. He was the man. He was all I needed.

After around one agonizing minute, Leon finally spoke up, his gaze still on the floor:

"They don't know you like I do."

Ouch. It felt like a stab in the heart, almost like putting salt on an open wound. I knew he did, in fact, know me better than anyone else. I knew he was better. And I knew I wanted him, I wanted to give up on meeting these immature dudes when the love of my life was literally right beside me.

"You really think they were ever gonna be enough for you?" He asked, his grip on his glass as tight as ever. I was surprised that his glass hasn't shattered to pieces yet...

I remained silent. I knew the truth, and finally, he knows it too. I took a sip out of my drink, trying to gather up my courage to speak to him. But he broke the silence again.

"Do you know how much I wanted you every time you came home from another failed date, Lilith? While you were sobbing in my arms, telling me how you're so tired of men? Besides wanting to beat those bastards up for not knowing how to properly treat a woman... Do you know how much I wanted you to choose me? How much I wanted you to know your worth? How much I wanted you to know that you deserve more than some random immature guy? To finally realize that I was the one you truly deserved?" He said through gritted teeth, as he finally looked at me.

I looked back at him, my expression being a mix of pain and need. His words almost brought me to tears, but I fought them back. Why was everything so hard? Why did he have to be my dad's best friend? Why did he have to be so much older than me? Why did this have to be so wrong?

But this time, I didn't care. I needed him. I needed him more than ever.

A LITTLE DEATH

"Leon... I..." I stuttered, trying to find my words. It was useless.

But... There was no need for words anymore. After a split second, Leon's large, calloused hands found my face, pulling me into a rough, heated kiss. I was frozen at first, not being able to process that it was finally happening. The MAN I always wanted, wanted me back even more...

I gave in, kissing him back with the same intensity. My hands found the nape of his neck, his hair, absentmindedly touching him and gripping at him, pulling him impossibly closer until our bodies were flush against each other. I let out small whimpers against his lips and tongue, and the small sounds fueled his desire even more.

He gripped my hips instantly, pulling me onto his lap. He shifted so I could sit comfortably on his hips, his growing arousal poking at my inner thigh. His hands roamed all over my back as he bit my lower lip, making me moan into his mouth, making me grind my hips against his.

He let out a low, guttural moan as his hands found my hips again, guiding me to grind onto his hardening dick. We were both moaning, whimpering messes. But it felt... so right.

His kisses trailed down my cheek, my jaw, finding a sensitive spot and biting it softly. I let out a soft moan, continuing to grind my hips against his dick, which was completely hard at that point.

My sounds fueled his need even more, his kisses trailing down my neck, occasionally biting at my skin rougher than before, making my back arch. He nipped at my collarbones, his tongue darting out to taste my skin.

I looked down at him with a needy expression, and he crashed his lips into mine again, the kiss becoming more intense and messy by the second.

His tongue explored my mouth, he was nipping at my tongue from time to time as his hands were still guiding my hips against his, trailing lower to my ass, gripping it tightly, spreading it.

I moaned into his mouth as he grabbed my ass, and he couldn't take it anymore. He pulled me closer, breaking the kiss for a second, a trail of saliva still connecting our lips.

"I love you so much..." he panted out, crashing his lips onto mine once again, messier and rougher than last time.

I was completely taken aback by his words. The words I never thought I'll ever hear from him. The words that made me feel complete.

My hands moved to his face, cupping his cheeks as I continued to kiss him passionately. I broke from the kiss for a second to catch my breath, and to finally speak out.

"Say it again... Please..." I said breathlessly with a desperate expression, still not believing what he said. "I love you, Lilith..." He repeated himself, his eyes softening, but still half lidded with lust and desire. "I... I love you too, Leon... for the longest time..." I said as I looked deep into his blue eyes, getting lost into the moment. Getting lost into him.

He moved his hand to my chin, his fingers trailed down my jaw, holding me possessively. I bit the inside of my lip at the contact, as he was analyzing every expression I made. He leaned over to my ear, gently nipping at my earlobe and tightening his grip below my jaw before whispering:

"Be mine. Be mine and you'll never have to worry about a thing in your life." He whispered with a low, seductive tone. "Just... let me love you. Let me treat you the way you truly deserve."

"I'm already yours, Leon... I've always been yours..." I whispered back, my head feeling lighter by the second.

A night that we'll never forget.

That's all Leon needed to hear. He lifted me up, carrying me to my room. He threw me on the bed, crawling over me to pepper my neck with wet, sloppy kisses, his hand finding my waist.

My hands ran over his back, my chest arching against his. He let out a guttural moan at the feeling, his hand trailing down my waist, my stomach, my hips, moving under my dress with feathery touches. 

His touch sent me into a place of pure bliss and ecstasy, making me want him impossibly more. He continued to kiss my neck, his tongue trailing down my throat, right over my chest.

His hand was massaging my thigh, inching closer and closer to my aching heat. He found my inner thigh, his fingertips gently ghosting over it, making me gasp. 

He continued to kiss at my chest, the hand that wasn't between my thighs pulling down my dress to reveal my bra-covered breasts. He instantly started planting wet, hungry kisses on the newly exposed skin, sucking on my sensitive flesh, leaving small, red marks. 

The hand he had between my legs found the edge of my panties, his fingertips barely touching me. He hooked his index finger under the edge, pulling them to the side.

The cold air made me shiver, the reaction of my body making Leon smirk against my breasts. He used his other hand to lower my bra, freeing my tits. He kissed lower, the tip of his tongue meeting my hardening nipple as he looked into my eyes. 

The fingers that were above my heat started properly touching me, spreading my pussy before rubbing small, gentle circles on clit. I threw my head back into the mattress at the sudden contact, letting out the most erotic moan I could ever make. Oh, how he loved it. 

He moaned against my nipple, sucking and gently biting it, completely filling my body with ecstasy. The vibrations of his moan went straight to my aching pussy, making me clench around nothing.

His fingers rubbed faster against my clit, occasionally exploring my wet folds, teasing my entrance. He let out my nipple with a wet "pop", still looking at me with that darkened, lustful expression. 

His mouth moved to my other breast, starting to play with my nipple. His middle finger started toying with my entrance, before slowly pushing it inside, all while looking into my eyes, noticing how my brows furrowed the slightest way in pleasure, the way my lips parted... His finger was halfway in, making me clench around him. He finally slid it all in, massaging my walls gently. 

He added his ring finger, making me feel full just from his fingers alone. He started moving them at a decent pace, curling up to hit that sweet spot which was making me see stars. He shifted, positioning himself to my side, pushing his fingers inside me again, resuming his ministrations.

His thumb moved to my clit, rubbing it with such precision that me made me throw my head back, leaning against his shoulder. I started moving my hips along with his fingers, sending me closer and closer to the edge.

"That's my girl..." He whispered in my ear, his voice full of lust. "Fuck yourself on my fingers... Mhm, just like that..."

His words, his tone, the way I felt his hot breath against my ear, the way his fingers were moving so precisely against my aching cunt- it was all too much. I looked up at him as he continued his movements, pulling his face into a heated, sloppy kiss.

"L-Leon... t-too much... I'm so close-" I panted out against his lips. "Not yet, sweetheart. You're gonna be good for daddy and hold it until I say so. Okay?..." He demanded, his voice low and firm.

His words alone almost sent me to the edge. But I tried my best for him. I tried my best to hold it in, small beads of sweat forming on my forehead. It was too much. WAY too much...

"I c-can't... I don't think I can hold it anymore..." I said incoherently, my breathing getting impossibly heavier.

"You can, princess. You can, because I said so. Come on, just a little longer for me... Can you do that, baby?" He whispered in my ear, his tone almost praising.

He slowed down his movements, teasing the hell out of me. My whole body was shaking as I tried to hold it in, but my self-control was slipping away with every movement he made.

"I wanna taste you so bad, sweetheart..." He said on a low tone, stopping his movements. He pulled his fingers away from me, bringing them to his mouth, cleaning them while making eye contact with me. "You want me to make you come with my tongue, my pretty baby?"

I only managed to mutter a soft "Please...", still panting and trembling from the way he touched me. He definitely knew how to do please me in every way. He was more experienced, after all...

He got off me, leaning back on the mattress.

"Sit." He demanded, patting the top of his chest.

My eyes widened at his request, my knees starting to feel weaker than they already were. "Are you... sure? I'm gonna suffocate you-"

He cut me off: "And? That's the whole point. Besides, I wouldn't mind dying this way at all." He chuckled. "I just know I'd go to heaven if I died while being smothered by that pretty pussy of yours~"

My cheeks heated up even more at his words. No one knew how to push my buttons like he did...

I got off the bed for a second, taking off my panties. I got back to my bed, slowly inching towards him, raising my dress over my hips. As I was in front of him, I raised my leg over his face, now completely hovering over him. He immediately grabbed my hips, pulling me down, his hot lips making contact with my aching cunt.

He started lapping at my folds while making eye contact with me, his tongue moving to my clit, circling it with such precision. Since he just got me on the edge earlier, it didn't take him too long to bring me close to my orgasm again. I moved my hips against his tongue, the knot in my abdomen being on the verge of snapping.

"Leon... F-Fuck... I'm gonna come..." I barely managed to say, moaning and panting above him. He hummed in approval against my clit, his lips encircling it as he started sucking on it, the way his cheeks hollowed combined with the wet, slurping sounds making me lose my mind.

"Mhm... Let go for me, gorgeous... Come for me... I'm right here, I got you..." He praised me before attacking my swollen clit again, sucking and slurping at it. "Keep riding my face like that, baby... You're doing so well..."

That was all it took me to let go. My hands gripped his hair as I started moving my hips against his mouth again, sending me over the edge with a loud, high-pitched moan of his name. My legs squeezed his head, all of the strength I had almost disappearing, almost collapsing on top of him.

I sat there for a few seconds to catch my breath. I got off his face, collapsing on his side. He wrapped his hand around me as he whispered into my ear, his voice thick with affection:

"That's my girl... That's MY  girl..." He smiled against my ear, then planting a soft kiss on my cheek. I gave him an exhausted smile, wrapping my arms around him.

I kissed his slick-covered lips, his tongue darting out to deepen the kiss, tasting myself on his tongue. The kiss that was supposed to be gentle turned into another sloppy mess. He pulled away from my lips, looking at me with a new level of desire.

"My darling... Make me feel like I'm breathing again... Make me feel alive..." He said with desperation, panting against my lips.

I nodded instantly, pulling him into another messy kiss. Tongues moving in the messiest way possible, teeth biting every part of skin they could bite.

He pulled me up into a sitting position, finally taking off my dress and throwing it on the floor. He unclasped my bra, throwing it in the same direction.

He quickly got undressed, his biceps flexing as he was taking off his shirt. He was the closest thing to a Greek God I had ever laid eyes on. He threw his shirt close enough to the pile of clothing on the floor. He unbuttoned his jeans, taking them off eagerly alongside with his boxers.

Oh my fucking God.

My mouth instantly started watering at the sight. Long, thick, hard as a rock and his tip glistening with precum, his v-line adding bonus points to the heavenly sight. Holy shit. I would've instantly devoured him if I could.

"Turn around, baby. Show me that pretty ass of yours..." He demanded on a rough tone.

I did as he said, turning around and bending over, arching my back for him. He bit his lip at the sight, getting behind me. His hands played with my behind, spreading it, admiring it. His tip played against my entrance, the wet sounds filling the room.

"I'm gonna fuck you the way you truly deserve, princess." He said on a low, seductive tone. It was a warning.

He slowly pushed himself in, letting me adjust to his sheer size. I bit the pillow that was in front of me, the stretch hurting so good... He hissed, spreading me to get a better view of my stretched out cunt. He kept pushing himself in, until he filled me up to the brim. He stopped for a few seconds, adjusting to the feeling, before he started moving slowly. It was a match made in heaven. I muffled my moans into the pillow as he was moving against me. He made me feel things I've never felt before.

He hovered over me as he picked up the pace, rolling his hips in a way that was touching every sensitive spot inside me.

"Did anyone fuck you like this, sweetheart?" He asked on a low tone, his breath hot in my ear.

"N-Never... Never, Leon..." I barely managed to pant out, throwing my face back into the pillow, muffling my moans.

"Hm? What was that, baby? I couldn’t hear you..." He teased, biting at the nape of my neck.

"Nngh- No- Fuck... Never..." I said louder, my hands gripping the sheets as his movements became rougher.

He smiled against my neck, placing a gentle kiss there. "That's it. That's what I wanted to hear..."

He tugged me up, his chest now flush against my back. He continued to pound me like this, the new angle making me cry out his name. His arm flexed around my neck, making me look up at him with a fucked up expression. He squeezed his bicep, the pressure on my neck making me let out a strangled moan.

"You look so pretty like this, y'know that? So dick-drunk because of me..." He said, his breath hoarse into my ear.

I only managed to let out a broken moan, and that fueled him even more. His thrusts became rougher, deeper and faster, his bicep flexing again to squeeze my neck even more. I was getting lightheaded, my mouth open, my body feeling weaker by the second.

"Love you so much... My pretty girl..." He said into my ear, continuing to mutter praises, planting a gentle kiss on my temple.

The contrast between his gentleness and the roughness of his thrusts and his strong arm holding my neck in place- it was overwhelming in the best way possible. I felt myself get close again, starting to clench around his length.

He felt it, and his other hand reached my swollen clit, rubbing fast circles against it, sending me into a whole another dimension. I moaned his name over and over again, turning my head to him and kissing him sloppily.

He kissed me back with the same intensity, his thrusts getting deeper, his bicep squeezing my neck even more, and the pace of his fingers circling my clit getting faster.

"Come on my dick, baby... Come on... Can you do that for me? I know you can, pretty..."

With that, I started clenching around his length with a broken moan, trembling around him, sustaining myself by holding onto his bicep that was around my neck. He smiled against my neck as he continued to fuck me through my orgasm, his thrusts never slowing down.

He kept fucking me like that, releasing my neck and letting my upper half collapse on the mattress, my ass still in the air.

He grabbed my hips with one hand, while the other grabbed my hair into his fist. He held my hips in place as he picked up the pace, fucking me impossibly faster. He let out ragged breaths and low moans, feeling close to the edge himself.

"Fuuuck... My pretty girl... I'm not gonna last much longer..." He said, his voice rough.

I was a moaning mess at that point, I wasn't able to form a single word. I nodded into the mattress, getting all of the strength I had left in my body to look back at him, muttering a weak "Inside...".

When he heard me say that, his head rolled back with a moan, his thrusts getting erratic. He hovered over me once more, pulling my head up slightly to kiss me deeply, his tongue exploring my mouth like he never did that before.

He came inside me with a final deep thrust, moaning into my mouth like he never felt like this before. And most likely... he didn't. He stood still for a bit, catching his breath, planting small kisses on my cheek, my temple, my neck, my shoulder, my back...

He pulled out, the sight of my pussy glistening with his cum would've been enough to make him hard again. But... not now. We were both tired, and he needed to take care of me.

He turned me around, carefully placing my weak body on the mattress, on my back. He hovered over me, smiling to himself as he noticed how dick-drunk I still was, giving me a soft kiss on my forehead.

"You alright?" He chuckled, brushing some stray hairs away from my face.

I chuckled with my eyes still closed. I nodded, giving him a soft, drunken smile. "I've never been better."

He laughed softly, placing a gentle kiss on my lips. "I think you were right..."

I slightly opened my eyes, a confused expression on my face. "About?"

He could only smile. He kissed my lips again, before speaking up: "About the fact that I know you better than anyone else. I think you were right."

I smiled at him, my weak hand making its way to his cheek, gently stroking it. "I'm always right, Leon." I chuckled.

He rolled his eyes playfully, pulling me into a gentle hug. "Here she goes again..."

"What? Am I wrong?" I laughed, looking down at him, his face buried into the crook of my neck.

"Not at all. But, this attitude of yours... You always had it." He mumbled against my neck. "As much as it annoys the shit out of me sometimes, honestly... it just makes me wanna love you even more." I couldn't help but smile at him, my hand going to the back of his head, playing with his hair gently. "This, or to fuck this attitude out of you." He pulled back his head to look at me. "I mean... Both, actually.”

I rolled my eyes, slapping his shoulder gently. "Oh shut up, Leon..."

He chuckled to himself, burying his face onto the crook of my neck again. "I love you too."

[squidsinashirt]

f you were stuck on a deserted island and had to choose a family member to be stuck with, who would you choose?

Which of your parents do people tell you that you are most like?

Which family member do you confide in most?

How long does it take you to say ‘I love you’?

Do you believe in soulmates?

Do you want a family of your own?

What's the title of your most niche Spotify playlist?

Whats the last thing you do at night?

Questions, questions, questions Anon!

If you were stuck on a deserted island and had to choose a family member to be stuck with, who would you choose?

I mean, really any of us would be absolutely fine. So many questions for this though - how long are we stuck? What kind of island? What’s the weather?

Because Alan and I could just surf, if the weather was right.

But Kayo would make me work instead of surfing and sunbathing and that just wouldn’t do.

For a proper ‘deserted island’, it has to be the big guy though, right? Virgil all the way. He’d have built us shelter, a fire and a catamaran with two perfectly parallel hulls to leave on before I could’ve even sketched ‘SOS’ on the sand. He’s got the practicality and the skills to solve just about any issue, plus he’s our medic and he’s king of the BBQ so…

Which of your parents do people tell you that you are most like?

I… don’t know? Uh…

Mom’s eyes, Dad’s attitude? 😏

Which family member do you confide in most?

Johnatron. He is the vault of impenetrable secrets, after all; not once has he ever cracked. He’s very good at giving impartial, level-headed advice if you ask for it, or just… listening. Very good at listening.

(Communications is his job, after all 😏)

How long does it take you to say ‘I love you’?

My dude, I say it multiple times to a day, to multiple people. Exactly 0.3 seconds, just flows outta there. As it should! If you love the people around you, you should tell ‘em!

Do you believe in soulmates?

Yeah, sure. I do. Although I think how that looks for people might be a lil’ different, and there’s definitely different kinds of it for everyone, but… y’know, you meet someone and you know, right? It’s not Hallmark movie fireworks, it’s something quieter and deeper than that. That familiar tug back to them is undeniable, it’s like… ‘oh, right, okay, well where have you been this entire time, because you make everything make sense’. It’s pretty awesome - a couple billion people around, and yet there’s that person that feels like home.

(Certain brother will say that’s a totally illogical thing to say because of gravity and particle physics or something, but we ignore him, it’s not like he has a phD or anything)

Do you want a family of your own?

(You guys really, really love this question, huh? Need to start a counter…)

Please refer to the document ‘Ten Year Plan’.

What's the title of your most niche Spotify playlist?

‘You Gotta Be Squiddin’ Me’ and it’s made entirely for prolonged Thunderbird Four trips. Not sure how long it is at this point, but there’s a solid few days of a very eclectic mix of music.

What’s the last thing you do at night?

Quick swim sometimes.

Midnight snack.

Little bit of yoga and a stretch, bit of meditation.

Send a message.

Fall asleep face down in the pillow 🐠

[answer2jeff]

the fatherhood theory:

my take on lip gallagher finding purpose in parenthood.

First things first, I quickly want to congratulate the writers for beautifully articulating the accuracy of Lip's initial reaction to Freddy's birth.

Tami had an extremely complicated birth that resulted in her requiring surgery. Lip, both as a new father and as a boyfriend, was legitimately terrified. He couldn't decide if he should stay with Tami or their son. His thought process probably included the possibility of the mother of his child suffering, further trailing to the fear of fatherly absence. Naturally, considering Lip's lack of a genuine father figure, contributing anything remotely resembling neglect or failure to accommodate to his son feels like the worst and most unforgivable thing he could ever do.

Secondly, I want to say that although Tami is quite different compared to Lip's other love interests, I think she was relatively realistic at the time. She has drive and compassion, and Lip loves a good sarcastic girl who affectionately ridicules the guy she loves. She's abrasive in a way that is more meant to establish her intelligence rather than actually put others around her down. Tami is also terrible at accepting criticism, but doesn't respond in the explosive anger that Lip does. She's more passive aggressive than, well...aggressive aggressive. Even though it's not quite the healthiest, it's much more flexible than rage.

In short, Lip sees a lot of himself in Tami. But, she's a more put together, determined version of him. She's the star that Lip never really turned out to be, even if she's not absolutely perfect. Their relationship is accurate for the conditions of the show (and Lip's life.) Tami doesn't give Lip a lot of opportunities to self sabotage because she's pretty much dubbed herself the lead of their relationship.

(not ignoring the fact that she said he'd be a shitty father by the way. that crushed my soul and i'll never forgive her but that's besides the point.)

Having to decide to let professionals (doctors and nurses, who he notoriously does not trust (rooted by capitalistic healthcare environments and the need for independence due to his childhood trauma), try their best to help Tami when she was literally blue and unresponsive, was difficult and extremely scary.

However, once Freddy has been properly cleaned and prepared to be held by his father, Lip suddenly finds the answer to so many of his interpersonal questions.

"I seem to have ruined everything I was once good at. Is there anything I won't automatically ruin just because I don't think I deserve it?"

Fatherhood.

"Would I be any better at this than my parents were?"

Yes, with practice.

"Would I be able to break the cycle?"

Yes, with love.

"Is it necessary for me to feel so deeply about the world?

Yes. Even if it's painful.

"And was it ever worth hiding that with anger?"

To some extent, yes. You wanted to protect yourself.

"Am I, deep down, past my inevitable quickness to rage, a good person?"

Yes. You always have been.

In hindsight, his excitement for becoming a dad seems kind of obvious considering his overjoyed and emotional reaction. But I think we can dig deeper beyond this surface level impression. Even if it's genuine and ultimately very good at showing Lip's love for his son. Something that I think really prepared Lip for the complications of parenthood was the time period during his time as a college student taking care of Liam.

He'd been surrounded by family members for his entire life that he did not trust. When Fiona, his beacon of support throughout his whole childhoo despite their complicated sibling relationship, made such a grave mistake that reflected neglect, Lip felt unsafe. Both Frank and Monica were typical offenders of drug and alcohol abuse. And they regularly dabbled in allowing these substance issues to affect their children.

Now there was really nobody in his family he could trust. Lip would have to re-learn how to fend for himself and his family. He's had plenty of experience, but he had a support system. Even if it contained his own siblings who lived the same abusive life as he did. But now that he didn't trust anyone around Liam, he literally had to become his primary caregiver.

"You're the closest thing to a dad we've ever had," said Ian Gallagher.

Becoming Freddy's father was the love that Lip needed in his life. Girlfriends are replaceable. Lip has proven this. But he always believed that once you become a father, you do not have the right to back out. And he'd always hold himself to that standard.

This is your life now. Do it right, or go to hell.

People like Lip need to have people in their lives who unconditionally rely on them. His siblings have chosen many times (and rightfully of course) to handle personal matters without Lip's advice. He hasn't gotten to feel as needed or as important as he deserved to be. Having a child, though unexpected, was the missing piece to the endless puzzle that was his life's purpose.

Lip's desire to be a good father not only stemmed from the failure of his own parents, but the fact that guiding his siblings through life was the one thing that everyone around him that everyone was convinced he couldn't do better than anyone else. (Personally, I think Fiona did a great job as an older sister. I'm more speaking from the perspectives and opinions of his siblings.)

Lip will feel love for himself through Teddy. Once he can finally succeed for the long term, he will find peace.

Not to say that he's automatically perfect, because he's not (and no one else is), but he's ready to take on the challange.

Freddy is the love of Lip's life.

And he always will be.

[felixsterprankster]

Falco “Volks” Eriksson tiny in depth description Step 1

SHE/HER PRONOUNS AND “IVORY” IN USE

˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖°

Ivory has moved all the way from their home country, Norway! She was used to moving around but to a whole new continent, it was so different in America than it was in Norway. She got her name from another local Bestemor in the town she was born in due to very pale skin and bright blond hair she was born with, though it started to turn a dark shade of brown after his 4th birthday! Ivory has many fun things about her that draw people to her naturally. Similar her neighbor who are practically twins who look nothing alike, Ivory carries around a messenger under her shawl jacket thingy (?) with all sorta of nooks, such as a few examples. Hair ties, an extra pair of earrings, random ribbon, a few Krone coins. It changes often depending if he found a cool looking rock or a charm at the antique shop.

She is her En Mammas biggest supporter and defender.

She is closer to Tamarack than Qiu due to both the girls similarities. “She’s my long lost twin!” She says as she stomps her little foot on the ground when someone tries to tell her that her and Tamarack aren’t sisters

At the start of step 1 Ivory has already been diagnosed with ADHD and has been since the 4th grade, she has an IEP to help her in school such as when it comes to in class assignments an tests, Ivory us takin out in a small group of people along side of having a 30 minute period where they just walk around the school with their Para and extra time for homework. After lunch he goes gona different class room with a few other kids to do small group activities to help them understand subjects together as well as Ivory standing on a wobble board as Ivory would and still into adult hood rolled their ankles alot.

Ivory was also in in school speech therapy from the start of 1st grade and all the way till 7th grade due to a speech impediment (a small stutter) and Rhotacism (trouble pronouncing the “R” sound) and it got better but definitely never went away.

(These are 100% based on my own experiences with having an IEP for ADHD and in school speech therapy)

Ivory also has attachment issues when it comes to her friends, always afraid that one day she’ll have to move again and leave behind her friends. Moving around alot has also caused her to some times lash out at people, but she doesn’t mean to, she feels bad afterward and even weeks later she’s apologizing randomly for it, no one knows what causes these moments but their also rare for her.

Sh has the habit of picking at her nails an lips so he nails always look rough with her outdoorsy nature and her picking at them, same with her lips.

Doesn't think to much about not having a dad in step 1 but still gets a little sad around Fathers day and when it comes to school events like Donuts with Dad or those Daddy Daughter dances.

Speaking of Father's day, sh makes Opal a card on Fathers day calling the day "Mothers Day Part 2" for her

Always doodling on her arm or in the warmer months, her legs. Opal calls her a walking coloring books

˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖°

This was 100% sorta a ramble post about Falco

Just random stuff I had in my notes app about him in step 1 cause he's my child

[jazda-iga]

"I don’t suggest or hint at anything. She has trainers for that." - interview with Iga Swiatek's father

The interview was translated from Polish:

**In your relationship, are you the one who motivates Iga to keep pushing the limits of endurance, for example, by training in a mask to improve fitness?**

Iga is so intelligent and independent that we don’t even talk about it. I don’t suggest or hint at anything. She has trainers for that. I have stepped aside. Tomasz Wiktorowski is responsible for tennis issues, Maciej Ryszczuk for general preparation, and Daria Abramowicz for psychological matters. The team works very well, and they themselves make sure that the workload is at the right level.

**You and Iga live sports practically all year round. Can you talk about anything other than tennis?**

It’s amazing, but even when I come to Iga for tournaments and spend a lot of time with her, we don’t talk about tennis at all. We decided long ago that it’s impossible to live the sport all the time. Even during important tournaments, you have to escape with your thoughts from tennis, because constantly thinking about it would not do any good. The best tennis players are characterized by the fact that they devote one hundred percent of their time to the discipline - at training and during matches, possibly during post-match analysis. They devote the rest of their time to other issues.

**Don’t you miss your role as head of your daughter’s team?**

I’m glad I’m no longer one. I’ve never been a tennis player, so I’ll never feel it all as much as Iga and others do. Now she is the one who manages the team, makes the key decisions. She’s doing very well.

**Was it easy to cut yourself off like that?**

I didn’t cut myself off, after all, I’m still with her, I go to many tournaments. However, I try to have my own life and let Iga live and work as she wants. Before coming to the Olympics, I also talked to her about it. She agreed, she wanted me to be by her side during the tournament. I’m happy to be by her side as a parent. It really is more beneficial for everyone when there is a division of roles and competencies. The result is good results on the court. We are first and foremost a family, and family is not work. That’s what Iga has specialists for.

**Many parents can’t find themselves in just such a role....**

... And belong to the committee of crazy parents. Of course, it wasn’t easy for me at the beginning, but there was a moment when I processed a lot of things and understood what my role was. That, however, was quite early, even before Iga started her career in the WTA series. I’m glad I figured it out so quickly.

**Not so long ago, Magda Linette’s dad admitted that he had trouble focusing on his other responsibilities. Do you also experience your daughter’s matches so strongly?**

This is something that cannot be taught. When Iga enters the game well, there are indeed easier matches. I will admit that then I can actually relax. The match becomes a bit of such a self-play, and I watch the competition completely at ease. Still, there are some matches where you can see that Iga has difficulties from the beginning and struggles to play her tennis. This hurts me as a parent, but we have learned that losing is part of the sport. You can’t win all the time, especially in tennis.

**Isn’t it that with each success it becomes harder and harder to come to terms with Iga’s losing matches?**

Maybe, in fact, Iga has accustomed fans to the fact that most matches go quite easily for her. However, one should have a distance from this. It’s not that she has to win every match. I myself explain to her that she has already done so much that now she doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone and should focus on enjoying it.

**Can you say that you know your daughter so well that just by her stepping out on the court you are able to tell what kind of match it will be for her?**

It doesn’t work that way, because after all, every match has its phases. Tennis is interesting because practically until the end there is a possibility to make up even the biggest losses. However, I can see when the match is under her control, and when the bigger problems actually start.

**Many experts say that during the Olympic Games we didn’t watch the real Iga, that she was too tense, nervous. What do you make of this?**

The Olympic tournament is special because it is unique and is played only every four years. The extra stress was evident not only from Iga, but also from the other athletes. The favorites didn’t always win and it felt like a completely different burden.

**It seemed that until now such issues as too much external pressure had not affected Iga. Why was it different this time?**

The pressure to win the gold medal was very high, a lot of articles were written, everyone was already hanging this medal around Iga’s neck before the tournament, and this certainly did not help. Iga is only human. And it’s not like we push a button, the machine will go out on the court, win all the matches and leave Paris with the gold. I saw up close how much this tournament cost her, how stressed she was and how much she cared.

**Iga herself said that she cuts herself off from the media for the duration of the tournaments, but you probably read them. How do you react to some of the experts’ opinions, such as the one about not having a plan B for the matches?**

People write all sorts of things, but I decided from the beginning that I would not fight windmills. If I wanted to straighten out wrong assumptions, I wouldn’t do anything else, and I don’t have time for that. People judge differently, but it has the common feature that when it goes well, almost everyone praises, and when there is one stumble or loss, immediately the criticism begins. It’s hard to say what this is due to.

**I understand that you as a father are hurt by the critical comments against your daughter, but I think you have to admit that this is not the norm, that it is incidental.**

My point is not to elevate her on a pedestal, but to treat her like a human being who also needs support and is not an insensitive machine. I wish she could feel appreciated even in her weaker moments. It’s great that there are a lot of fans who give support and positive comments or messages also in more difficult moments.

**Do you have any examples of specific allegations that have outraged you the most?**

I’m not going to talk about specifics, because it’s pointless. However, the point is that many “experts” speak up, although they have absolutely no idea about the factors that affect performance and career or tennis development. They make theses that are often not supported by reality. This does not lead to anything, but creates chaos. However, I realize that I can’t fix the world by myself.

**Do you wonder how long Iga’s dominance can continue? Are you afraid of a real crisis?**

I’m not afraid of that at all, because it’s clear that there will come a moment when she trains or plays worse. Or simply the motivation will be less. This is part of life and sport. In her case, it’s all a matter of intrinsic motivation. If she drops for various reasons, it is clear that the ranking position will also drop. However, I don’t think it will be a drama. This is the natural course of things, after all, life is not a straight line going upwards only.

**Do you think Iga is ready for something like this? Are you preparing for such a moment?**

We don’t talk about it. The key is for Iga to continue wanting to do what she likes. So that after one tournament she still feels like going to the next one and competing. I assume that she is young enough and motivated enough to achieve more success that she treats her career as a great adventure. We are enjoying it all and doing everything we can to help her seize the moment.

**In the past, there were times when Iga called you and had moments of doubt about the sense of what she was doing?**

There were no such radical cases, but Iga pays attention to the WTA calendar, which forces players to constantly move and play with great frequency. After all, more and more tournaments are compulsory, and tournaments such as the Olympic Games have little room in the calendar, as this edition showed - they require an unfavorable change of surface twice. Such a system will lead to a decrease in the quality and level of play of the players. Already there are a lot of injuries, injuries or simple fatigue. All this causes the rank of the tournaments to drop. Fortunately, Iga is physically well-prepared and for the time being is able to manage the load properly, but it is a very demanding process.

Interviewed by Mateusz Puka, journalist at WP SportoweFakty

[midokai]

Can I request some Cannoli headcanons for my soul pls :3

OOOOOOOH I AM RUBBING MY HANDS LIKE A FLY of course! i am aaaaalways happy to talk abt her thats my girl ^_^ here’s a few! thank u for the ask friend

cannoli absolutely despises humanity because of n’s past ideology. when she comes to find herself under his care is when n is mentally at his worst, just right before the beginning of the pokémon black and white events and by extension she adopts his ideals and his beliefs and etc. it’s why she seems to dislike everyone and anyone she crosses paths with, except for n of course. part of it is also jealousy, because that’s HER dad and NOBODY is taking him away from her but other humans have been needlessly cruel to him and she’s observed that so she doesn’t trust ANY of them to behave around n and is prone to attacking ankles and scratching and just generally acting as a pest to drive others away. she’s a tough egg to crack and if you want to befriend n or, god forbid, be romantically involved with him, be prepared to face her wrath for ages.

while zorua are known for mimicking others with their illusions, cannoli is one of the very few of her species to have learned how to also mimic voices. yes, she can impersonate you to a tee if she’s around you enough and everyone would be none the wiser. the giveaway is still the very obvious tail, however, she can’t exactly hide that.

cannoli is named the way that she is because it’s the first thing n had her try when she was capable of eating solid foods! as someone who constantly travels and as someone who LOVES sweets it was practically the only thing he’d had at the moment and well, she was hungry so they’d shared it. up until that moment she had remained unnamed and she is evidently what started n’s pattern of naming all his long term companions after food. funnily enough, cannolis are also her favorite dessert but it’s not why she was named that.

believe it or not, cannoli is actually one of n’s strongest companions and it’s due to her determination to keep him safe. she is easily outdone by reshiram but that is as is expected, it’s one of unova’s legendary dragons. much like reshiram she’s sort of a last resort, as she’s particularly small and n is worried about her hurting herself, not to mention that she is easily enraged and in battle she is prone to letting it get the best of her and it’s exactly why she is such a danger on the battlefield. if i had to rank n’s pokémon from weakest to strongest just based on capability it’d be something like: toast ( galvantula ) -> éclair ( purrloin ) -> mascarpone ( espeon ) -> tiramisu ( zoroark ) -> cannoli ( zorua ) -> reshiram. i am being dead serious too.

for a veeeeery long time she had one ear that stood straight up and one that flopped halfway down and refused to stay up. it eventually fixed itself and she outgrew it so now both ears stand straight up as they should but it 100% made n feel a bit melancholic to see it gradually happen because it meant that she was growing up. like a parent watching their kid attend their first day of school, y’know.

she has a black hole for a stomach, truly. n spends more money feeding her than he does feeding the rest of his friends combined, yes, including reshiram. this is also somewhat the reasoning behind his atrocious eating habits, cannoli constantly wants to eat and he finds it hard to tell her no so most snacks he packs for himself end up going to her and he ends up hardly eating anything at all. cannoli doesn’t know this is an issue, however, and if she knew that she was the reason behind many of n’s bad habits in regards to food she would certainly feel guilty.

[itsgirlcraft]

Timeeee for more minecraft Trapped/mc vr ramblesssss! ((Mostly me thinking out loud abt my thoughts on cool vr roleplay/practical effects/mods/etc)) (Feel free to ignore bc it's not really. Lore.)

I've unironically just finished doing mini "research" collecting video clips for this post rn- it took like an hour bc I couldn't find a Slimecicle clip- yes its important-

So two things. One, I have a L O T of ideas for practical effects done with the vr headset/controllers setup, just as they are. Two, I REALLY wanna see if the "first person model" mod is compatible with vr.

Ramble beneath the cut.

Like. I've wanted to play vr minecraft and do a little single-player roleplay for actual YEARS now. We've had a headset for most of that time, too. I just. Can't. Like it's been ACTIVELY in my mind for years, y e a r n i n g. And I HAVE researched and tested and troubleshooted over and over again, I just can't get QUITE to the end.

So. I've mostly been trying to use Sidequest, to install minecraft directly onto the headset. But it requires using a pc, and not my laptop, so that's problem 1. Problem TWO that I've struggled alot with is that I have to use the meta app (I've got a quest 3 headset, I think) which only works on your phone. But I have to use my DAD'S account/information. That's the biggest problem, even tho I've gotten him in on it a few times.

But the headset itself is wonky at best and might be outdated. One of the more recent times I tried it, it had to update bc it wouldn't show me its connection code thingy. I'm still not sure if it'll even allow me to install Sidequest or minecraft in general.

The other option is just connecting it to the pc, but that TOO is having connection problems. And since my brother's always playing on the family pc, it's a lil awkward if I wanna try to do that. Even tho there's literally two monitors. Cuz it's a whole Process still so I'd need the keyboard available. And plus even if I do somehow connect it with a cord, it may not be long enough to do much with. So yeah that's what's been up with me.

Anyways, now the actual ideas I have that I'd like to try/think are just cool.

So I've watched plenty of people play vr, and I've never seen anyone try first person model. It may very well be that it's not compatible at all, and I wouldn't be surprised. But it has somewhat worked with unique player models, so maybe if you just remove the mod's arms...eh. it may not be worth it, or even be possible.

But I remember a scene in MC Trapped where Sabre notes that he still can't see his own body when he looks down. And tbh I just can't stop imagining how immersive it'd be. Like, it wouldn't really...follow your movements like your arms. But it'd be cool. Though then there's part two of that immersion.

If the mod did work, we'd have OTHER issues that you can see from others' POVs. One major one being that the player body can't lay down when you do. Your hands just go thru the floor, but in your pov it looks fine...without the body. I think a simple sit/crawl button will fix that, but there's still a chance that wouldn't work. Crawl usually puts you laying on your stomach, so that'd need to flip sometimes. And generally just looks kinda strange in some instances.

Having a mod that tracks your body movement and puts the player model in the right position could be neat, but unnecessary. Especially since vr just has so many potential bugs, there's no way to anticipate everything.

Now the OTHER idea I have, thanks to Slimecicle lol.

So this clip has been on my mind for awhile. (I hope that actually works) And I gotta say, Charlie's king of random practical effects. Like I know most of what he does is short bits, but imagine putting your controller on a fan as a swinging blade attack or something! Like, there's a lot of ordinary objects that could serve an interesting purpose.

Like, walking up invisible stairs or something. Doing something different irl than in-game, for like a ghost character or insane character. Maybe an interdimensional being, in two places at once. That's something I would love to see in a series similar to Trapped. Taking that same basic concept - trapped in vr - and using that as an op/strange character.

Obviously, Trapped!Sabre was sort of that, clearly a fish out of water. But take it up a notch, and use the medium to its full potential! Or the opposite, doing the same irl as in game. Like eating an apple, so it's easier to, like, describe.

It could be interesting to have one of those fancy pain-receptor vests and like treadmill thing that lets you walk/run in place. But that might be excessive, it'd take a lot of effort AND money and may not be worthy.

BamBaeYoh did a "physical minecraft" video with the treadmill. I doubt it'd be better than good ol' acting. (Here: "I survived 7 days of physical minecraft")

But yeah. Like, maybe you setup boxes and things explicitly TO trip over, to make the character seemingly falling over nothing. Might not be good tho, since the headset and stuff could break. But like, also with multiple people/actors!! One with the headset, two with the controllers. So, like, maybe the Big Bad is torturing them, and dismembers their arms. I mean, hey, it's not a big stretch (hah, pun) from what you CAN do normally. Having a 2nd or even 3rd person there would let you use your arms while dismembered, basically. And make moving them easier than just. On the floor.

Like that's REALLY what I wanna try here. I already have a Trapped au where that happens, and it's not too hard to actually accomplish in-game. I wanna see what features/bugs/etc exist in minecraft vr, and use them for lore.

Thanks for reading my long ramble if you got allll the way down here ^^

[disturbnot]

— ALL IS VIOLENT, ALL IS BRIGHT

TIMESKIP ASH KETCHUM ; a quasi - oc. mutuals only. 21+. est. july 2013 — re-est. sept 2023 — fka ferociter. low activity / slow replies. lore / worldbuild heavy. crossover friendly / verses available ; no prior pkmn knowledge required ( this is my canon now ) reflecting all the stark contrasts between the coexisting horror and splendour of the pokémon world — broken realities, cosmic horror, a jagged deconstruction of protagonist syndrome, the absurdity of rebellion against immortality, and the indomitable power of connection.

— written and drawn ad infinitum by shan. ( 31 / any pronouns / GMT )

CARRD. COMMON KNOWLEDGE. VERSES. SPOTIFY. MUN.

BASICS

▸ hiiii. i'm shan. nice to meet you :) and if you're an old follower coming back? (kurtis conner vc) ✨ what's up, how's it going? it's very good to see you again, i hope you're doing well! ✨ ▸ nobody under the age of 21, please. i'm in my 30s, i have no business with teenagers. here's £5, go see a skibidi. ▸ no weirdos in general. or bigots or whatever. but i feel like that goes without saying these days. and please don't steal my stuff! all art on this blog is by me for the purpose of this general project and this blog only. ▸ otherwise, i like to believe i'm a pretty candid and easy-going person (well, besides the auDHD. i'm just a silly little guy); i'm not too easily bothered by things and i don't have any personal triggers, but i will always let you know if any kind of issue pops up :) ▸ general warnings apply for dark and mature content; there will probably be themes of (or at least allusions to) death, immortality, alcoholism/addiction, unreality, natural disasters, blood and violence, etc. i will tag things to the best of my ability, but if you need something specific tagged, just let me know. ▸ there will be occasional and tame nsfw here, usually on sundays. ash is nearly 40 and he looks and acts it; he's more like an oc simply sharing ash's name atp. anything zesty will be appropriately tagged and tucked under a readmore. ▸ i post ooc often but also tend to delete it afterward, so it's usually only ever temporary clutter on the dash. it's my blog anyway. i get to do the yapping. and i try not to take any of this stuff too seriously. i truly am out here just Saying Things.

INTERACTING

▸ this is a mutuals only blog; meaning i will only write and interact with mutual followers. i do tend to follow first if i find a blog i like, but if you don't want to follow back, i will usually unfollow after a couple of days to keep my dash trim! i also tend to be slow and selective with follow backs, in part because i am wary of overloading myself with too many potential ideas and friends at once; it's hard to split focus between too many people with all this golden retriever energy. ▸ i am SLOW. i work 42hrs a week, have my own place to maintain, unmedicated adhd, anemia, and a dear dad with alzheimer's i help take care of. i love rp, but it's not my be-all and end-all (despite the fact i still keep winding up here!) ▸ i am out of practice. it's been a very long time since i've been able to write prose consistently and i am a little rusty with things. your patience will sow interesting rewards, i hope. ▸ i'm usually juggling many convo threads and lose messages easily—double messaging is okay if you think i've missed something! ▸ i like others' ooc posts a lot; like a friendly nod so folks know i've seen them. if this isn't cool with you, let me know! ▸ i am very flexible when it comes to establishing crossovers and au verses! ash currently has verses for star trek, the boys, supernatural, RGG, fandomless, and other verses you can read more about here. ▸ i love shipping, but it's not the total focus of the blog; the chemistry and vibe has to be right, and ash is not always the easiest muse in the world to ship with, i will warn you in advance. still ... pspspspsps dare you to try your luck! (muses aged 25+ only!)

WISHLIST

watch this space :)c

[rodolfoparras]

I don't know what to do about my situation... I'm so confused and I have so many mixed feelings, I don't know how to TW this but if you can help me or give tips on how to get out of this then please do :((

--------------------------------------------------

I'm with this one person, (dating) but the thing is it was always an on and off relationship, starting when I was in like 12-13 ish?? But they were like 15-16?? And like they kept breaking up with me cause they kept losing feelings. And before that our relationship with each other was also confusing cause we grew up with eachother as cousins?? My dad had a gf (they are now broken up) but they were never married and (one of) her sister (s) had kids the I met them (they are the oldest of siblings) when i was 7 and they were 9-10 years old and when I was about 11-12...they were my first kiss....and like nothing extreme has happened within these years...just a few touching and photo sharing. (Mainly me sending photos, I wasn't pressured and all consensual)

I'm 18 and they are 21, but when I was 16 and they were 19 we started our relationship again (talking), and I don't know what to do, they are so much older than me and I want to date this other guy but I don't want to cheat on them but yes the relationship is legal. They never did anything to make me uncomfortable, I just don't know what to do it's so complicated

Does this count as grooming?? I don't know if it is but since I'm 18 now I don't know if it does or if it was when I was younger :(( I'm sorry for venting but it's causing me so much stress and I feel so confused and don't know what to do

Premising this by saying I’m just a dude on the internet writing smut but if there’s anything I can give some advice on it’s this bc I’ve seen similar things in real life

First of all it’s weird that a 15 / 16 year old kid found interest in a 12/13 year old and sure while it’s” just “3 years, at age 15/16, I started my very first year of high school I was eligible to practice drive different type of vehicles I could work summer jobs that were offered to hs students of that age, I believe I even was eligible those debit cards kids can use from age 16?-18

At age 12 I couldn’t even go into a store and buy myself an energy drink, at age 12 I hadn’t even entered puberty properly iykyk

It’s “just” 3 years but you’re at such different stages of life

Would you at your 18 years of age, date a 15 year old?

Now you’re like Alec it’s different we grew up together …so it’s less weird because you grew up together or is it considered something they used to their advantage? And while everything felt consensual does not mean that it was consensual an 11 year old cannot consent even if it’s to something simple as being kissed on the lips

Not only that but throughout the years you’ve had a tumultuous relationship bc they keep losing feelings

To me it’s like they know you’ll always be there, they use that to their advantage to do whatever they feel like doing and when that thing fizzes out they go back to you again

The issue here though isn’t the new guy and how you can be with him. Instead it’s to identify why you’re staying in your current relationship and how to be able to provide that factor for yourself

For example if you’re with this person to feel less lonely maybe you should figure out how to be on your own and not feel alone

If you think you wouldn’t have a shot with anyone else but this person maybe u should see how you could better the image you have of yourself

Because the truth is a new partner won’t break you out of old patterns this guy might as well be as bad as your current partner or he might up and leave your life all of a sudden, and for you to not go back to your old partner again you have to figure out how to feel happy without either of them

And sure while you might say I’m 18 now I’m sure my partner will figure their shit out in a year or two or I’ll figure my shit out eventually yeah sure but you’re giving your time to someone who doesn’t value it

Everyone in life is looking out for their own asses as we say in the Balkans doesn’t matter if it’s ur sibling or friend everyone will look after themselves you have to realize for each hour of each day week month year you’re putting up with this person, you’re sacrificing time effort etc that you’ll never get back, to someone who doesn’t value it all

[asteria7fics]

I see like no Wendy content😔🙏 can we pretty please have headcanons abt her😻

🏳️‍🌈 A sexuality headcanon

🏳️‍⚧️ A gender headcanon

🧸 A headcanon about their childhood

👻 A headcanon about what scares them

🎶 A headcanon about music

👽 A headcanon about a weird quirk of there

💝 A headcanon about their love language

🫂 A friendship headcanon

💔 An angsty headcanon

🪢 A headcanon about their family

📓 A headcanon about their hobbies

👗 A headcanon about their clothes

🔪 A headcanon relating to fighting/violence

🌟 A headcanon about their desires/wishes

🍫 A headcanon about food

🎭 A headcanon about what they lie about

❤️‍🔥 A romantic headcanon

💄 An appearance headcanon

🖕 A headcanon relating to anger

😬 A headcanon about the worst thing they’ve done

😶 A random headcanon

(I’m srry for giving u so many‼️) -😨

Wendy is SO under represented in the fandom!! Outside of her relationship with Stan at least, but I personally think she’s too interesting to be reduced to his future housewife (or just an obstacle for Kyle)!

Barely spoilers for EWILY under the cut, just including this in case anyone wants to go into the fic totally blind.

🏳️‍🌈 - Wendy is a severely closeted bisexual, with a strong preference for women. You’ll probably find that I head canon most of the kids as being either bi or pan, but with specific leanings to either end of the spectrum. Just some of my personal view on sexuality that I won’t get into here ahaha

🏳️‍⚧️ - Cis woman, though I do think she would lean into some degree of flexibility in her gender expression as she gets older.

🧸 - Wendy had a very happy and healthy childhood, all things considered. I do think she went through a phase of wanting a sibling when she was maybe 6 or 7, but filled that void pretty quickly via her friendship with Bebe.

👻 - Failure, and not being good enough. She’s constantly being made aware of what an uphill battle it will be to become a successful woman in our extremely patriarchal society, and she’s under a lot of pressure to prove herself. Truthfully, having to deal with Cartman has probably been great practice for her! But I think this fear also speaks to why she struggles to let Stan go; by not still trying to help him, she feels like she’s failing him.

🎶 - Though growing up Wendy listened to whatever was popular, as she’s gotten older her music taste has gotten a little pretentious. Lots of indie artists on her playlist, and I think she probably enjoys jazz and classical inspired sounds the most.

👽 - I’m not sure if it qualifies as a quirk, but Wendy does very few things casually. She’s the kind of person that will annotate a book she’s just meant to be reading for fun, with detailed analyses of the book’s themes and recurring metaphors.

💝 - Wendy is a mixture of quality time and acts of service. You may be able to gather why she and Stan break up so damn often.

🫂 - I think Wendy maintains friendships very well, and can jump social circles without much issue. However, her best friend in the whole world has been, and always will be Bebe. They’re pretty different people on the surface, but they have a bond that runs so deep it would be extremely painful to separate them.

💔 - She hides it fairly well behind a pretty smile and good grades, but Wendy is a MESS!! Like, if you guys think the Style angst in EWILY is rough, you just wait till I get around to writing Wendy’s side of the story. I-… don’t wanna say any more than that, heh.

🪢 - Wendy’s pretty close with her mom, but I think she’s not as close with her dad. Partially because he isn’t crazy about Stan (for understandable reasons) and partially because he strikes me as kind of a dick, in only the way that dads can be sometimes. They still love each other though, and their relationship will improve as she gets older.

📓 - I don’t get to explore this much in EWILY, but Wendy stays very busy! As I said previously she does read for fun, and she’s also a bit of a cinephile (something she and Stan bonded over, to an extent), but I also think she would participate in tons of other after school activities to keep herself occupied. Student government obviously, on top of cheerleading, field hockey, glee club, the list could go on. And of course, when she’s not doing all of that she’s hanging out with Bebe and the girls! Or Stan, I guess.

👗 - Dark academia queen, with a hint of twee I fear. Lots of pleated skirts and v-neck sweaters, Peter Pan collared dresses with tights, sensible sneakers or penny loafers. Hints of pinks and yellows, but her favorite color to wear is purple.

🔪 - Look, she can’t afford to get anything put on her permenant record so Wendy left her fighting days in elementary school. However she WOULD fuck a bitch up if tested, but nobody really messed with her after that whole fight with Cartman… and the, uh, entire war where she beat the shit outta several boys with her silly plastic sword.

🌟 - Wendy is very focused on proving herself, and I don’t think she truly stops to consider what it is she actually wants until she’s out of high school and able to thrive in a new and more comfortable environment. Her largest goal in life though is to make meaningful change that benefits humanity. Awww what a good kid.

🍫 - While not picky per se, Wendy does her best to be healthy. She’s a really athletic and busy person, so she gets up early to make herself a balanced breakfast and will sometimes bring her own lunch to school if what’s on the menu is particularly unhealthy. She does, however, never pass up Taco Tuesday.

🎭 - Being happy with Stan :-) And being straight :-)))))

❤️‍🔥 - As much as she tries to be highly logical, she’s a total hopeless romantic. Loves love, and loves to be in love. Sometimes it becomes a bit of a distraction for her, but she gets better at balancing these parts of her life with age.

💄 - I haven’t gotten a chance to post any of the sketches I’ve done of Wendy yet, but I picture her as being fair skinned with soft, delicate features. She’s pretty slender, and on the shorter side compared to the other girls. She also probably wears minimal makeup, maybe just some concealer to hide when she’s had a sleepless night. Oh, and she’s kept her hair pretty short ever since The Great Chop during The War of Trojans.

🖕 - Oooh Wendy is second only to Kyle in the anger department, let’s be so honest. And maybe Cartman? Though 9/10 times he’s the reason anyone’s pissed off in the first place, so we’re not counting him here. Wendy’s a passionate rager, meaning she gets pissed off about things that matter deeply to her, or when she sees blatant injustice in the world.

😬 - Aaahahaha, breaking Stan’s leg wasn’t great!! But, well, I think perhaps her most selfish move is yet to come. Stay tuned!

😶 - Sometimes when she’s sleeping alone she still cuddles with an old stuffed animal, especially when she’s feeling especially lonely (i.e. on the tail end of another messy breakup). She would never do this in front of anyone though, not even Bebe. She’s a little embarassed to show anything close to a sign of weakness, or a reminder that there’s still a little girl in her.

Whew!! Alright, I’m pretty sure I got them all, but let me know if I missed any! I really had to think about some of these, so thank you for giving me the chance to explore Wendy more than I’ve been able to!

Also, if you enjoy the way I write Wendy then hopefully you’ll enjoy a little something I’m cooking, just for her! (It’s in the crock pot though kids, slow cooking for as long as possible!)

Thank you for sending me more of these!!

[ecargmura]

Dog Signal Episode 19 Review - You Can Do That, Can't You?

The penultimate episode revolves around Miyu and Singe and it seems to be a two-parter as it focuses on Miyu on a deeper level. Come to think of it, Miyu is the main character and he’s been here since episode 1 yet we never learned much of Miyu until now. All we knew about Miyu was that he had dated Yuko; they broke up after she dumped him; she then dumped Singe onto him and he was forced to live with a dog he didn’t want until he learned to love him. Who was Miyu before Yuko? Who was he before Singe and Niwa shaped his life? This is where his backstory comes to play.

Throughout the show, Miyu has shown to be kind of a pushover and naive. There are instances where he can be serious and emotional too. However, his biggest flaw is that he’s very impatient. When Singe doesn’t listen, he gets frustrated and upset. He sort of behaves like a stressed parent at times—and that’s where his backstory comes to play. I’m not a psychoanalyst, but it seems that he suffered through parentification growing up due to his toxic parents. His mother had a bad habit of spending her money and focusing her attention anywhere but her kids. His father couldn’t control that behavior, so he just gave up on her.; he expected Miyu to care for her when he couldn’t. Because of this, he practically had to be the parent to his family growing up. He was over-relied upon from his parents and had to be his younger brother Saki’s parent growing up; he’s also seen as the sort of “peacemaker” of the family whenever there’s an issue. He was given way too many expectations and he had to believe he had to be this way growing up.

As an adult, it resulted him in being a bit of a pushover because he wants to be seen as reliable and competent. If he’s not reliable and competent, then what is his purpose in life? Unfortunately, this upbringing has been so ingrained into him that he is slowly becoming his mother with the way he is behaving towards Singe in this episode. He hasn’t realized until Singe was taken away from him that he was behaving just like her. I think that becoming the people we don’t want to be is a scary feeling.

Singe’s tantrums stem from Miyu not giving him treats and pampering him like he usually does. All the dog wants is to be loved, but with Miyu’s behavior, it does make sense why he started misbehaving. Singe has a strong personality, so Miyu has to be on the same wavelength and not treat him like a human child. Miyu got a bit cocky, so this incident is a process of humbling him.

I find it hilarious how Miyu’s terrible mom is voiced by Ai Orikasa, who has voiced another crap mom in Ren Sohma from the Fruits Basket remake. The amount of well-known guest voice actors is crazy and they’re ending off with another big name. I don’t know who Miyu’s dad and brother are voiced by.

I just hope that this conflict gets resolved beautifully. I do like how unlike Niwa and Ritsuka’s issues that were centered around dogs, Miyu’s issues stems from humans and how it affects his behavior towards his dog. I can’t wait to see how the finale will be. I know for a fact that I am going to bawl my eyes out at the ending. What are your thoughts?

[infinitejourneysinfiniteworlds]

Better CR: Roseburrough, NC

I wanted a better CR set in the Appalachians, so I scripted this. Roseburrough doesn't exist here in this CR (as far as I know) but I scripted that it's pretty close to Asheville.

Most of my better CRs (with a couple exceptions) are fairly close to my original CR's past. I do have a couple "Better Family" CRs but for the time being I just feel like I want to get some distance from the family in a CR so I can work through some of these issues in a safe place.

I usually don't script "perfect world" alt CRs because it just doesn't feel real to me. But what I do is take my current reality and modify it here and there, vastly improving some things, making other things just a bit less awful, and just overall re-shaping reality to be not just more tolerable overall but much better in many respects. And I always, always include the caveat that I can permashift to another CR if I ever want to, whenever I'm ready to move on.

So in this reality, I was born and raised in Charlotte, North Carolina. My grandmother (my dad's mother) was from Roseburrough; she had a gorgeous old farmhouse on fifty acres that's been in the family for multiple generations. I'm living there now, just my dog, my cats, and I (she passed on over a decade ago, like she did in the original CR).

There are stories of witches, healers, people with the Sight, and people with magic going back along my grandmother's line. She herself taught me a lot of folk magic that had been passed down to her, a lot of German folk magic and some of the newer Appalachian folk magic traditions that evolved when her ancestors immigrated to the U.S. Grandma has a lot of old family journals and heirlooms that she showed me while she was still alive; they're still in the house. I haven't read through all of them yet but it's something I've been wanting to do.

My parents still live in Charlotte. I have gone very, very low contact with them, and they know why.

I have a group of close friends in Roseburrough who have become my family. Lorna is a single mother, a Wiccan, and owns a nice little pub in town. Andrew and Jonas are a couple; Andrew is a pediatrician and Jonas owns a construction company. They own a small farm a little down the road from me. Jeremy is a trans man living in town; he is our resident computer geek, and works as a freelance coder. Rosa is my best friend, and her large family has basically adopted me. She owns a plant nursery and is a practicing bruja.

I also have the same friends in this reality that I have in my original CR.

In this reality, I worked in my 20s and 30s for a company called "Art in the Parks," a group that hired out "art guides" to various resorts and national parks around the country. I would take guests on easy guided hikes, and then give them a plein aire painting lesson. I had an RV that I lived in, and traveled around quite a bit between the seasonal jobs. I also became something of an acclaimed "magical landscape" and faerie artist during that time. I also made some smart investments, so when I quit my job at Art in the Parks, I was pretty well off.

I moved in with my grandmother in 2012 to help take care of her, and began building a freelance art career. I did a lot of book covers, comic covers, game art. I still work as a freelancer, but I don't have to take a lot of projects because I've got a very nice nest egg saved. I'm currently focusing a lot on my own illustrated novel series project.

A.I. as it exists in the original CR doesn't exist here, but there is a different sort of A.I. that doesn't harm the environment or steal from creatives. It makes things such as 3D modeling, animation, game creation, moviemaking, and gameplay/character scripting much more streamlined and easy while still maintaining full creative control.

There is also a virtual reality system called DreamTime that essentially lets you project your consciousness into the highly realistic virtual space. The base program is highly versatile, so you can build your own characters and adventures, but you can also purchase games based on various IPs as well.

All of this technology is completely safe and ethical. This world is a much better place overall, though there are still some pockets of religious fanatics and such. The shitty people are very much the minority and are ostracized by the rest of society.

The house interior is laid out almost like the interior of my grandmother's house in the original CR, but the upstairs is a bit different, with more rooms. I had it fixed up a bit a few years back, because it was starting to get a bit run down and was having some issues with the plumbing and wiring and a leaky roof. It's in good shape now. It's on an absolutely gorgeous tract of land, with lots of old forest growth, a river, and a waterfall. I have a very nice garden and keep a few chickens for eggs. My dog Shadow is still with me in this world, and I also have two cats, Ember and Morpheus.

I have all the same DR scripts here that I have in my original CR, and whatever shifts I've experienced are also mirrored here, so I can pick off wherever I left off in any DR whenever I permashift here and start shifting again.

I am happy and content living alone and single in this world; most of my romantic relationships are in DRs that I shift back and forth from.