#i feel like my dad has many many issues but he's very well practiced at pretending they don't exist

[mrcrawly]

Jayvik headcanons

hello jayvik nation im dumping these here bc im almost done with the second chapter of my fic and these have been stewing a while

Viktor

has the most beautiful curly calligraphy handwriting ever but it's so curly and fancy you genuinely can't read it

Ibuprofen allergy. source: my twisted mind

fidgeting with stuff all the time. paperclips, pencils, clips, rubber bands, the buttons on his vest

bonus to that one: he messes with his vest buttons so much that Jayce is constantly having to sew them back on when they come off

chronic nail biter

big sweet tooth

great cook but a shitty baker

"get even" kind of person; probably holds grudges from the second grade

doesn't cry very often but can be sensitive in the sense that he cares very much how his closest friends view him and internalizes their opinions

love languages are words of affirmation and acts of service

likes to be touched but not held (autism)

hates winter because it makes his joints hurt, summer is unbearably hot and he can't stand it, he has spring allergies; default fall enjoyer

animals really like him and strays tend to show up at the lab or follow him around

children like Viktor. Viktor doesn't like children back

kids will sometimes randomly talk to him and tell him things in public and he doesn't have the heart to be mean to them or ignore them so he just sits there like "mhm ☺️" while they talk until their parents apologize and walk off

probably has a pet reptile (a turtle or some kind of lizard methinks)

cold natured and wears seven hundred billion blankets to bed every night no matter the season

identifies as male in the sense that he was born a man and just never bothered to think much about it but doesn't fully grasp the concept or purpose of gender. could tell you what makes a man a man or what makes a woman a woman but doesn't understand why nor care

interested in jayce from the beginning but never felt as if he was in competition with Mel

sorry they can pry the JayMelVik love triangle out of my cold dead hands ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

not very affectionate because he doesn't know how to discuss his own feelings but very good at soothing other people

Jayce

dysgraphia (i think that's the term?) – not many issues with reading but not the best with writing

viktor is hyperlexic so it works out alright

AMAZING at drawing. like if he didn't have the passion for science he would be an artist. he draws out all their diagrams and blueprints and Viktor labels them

can cook pretty well but doesn't like to do it; if he stays at Viktor's place then Viktor always cooks for him

likes baking because he controls every single thing that goes in and it's very exact

both he and Viktor have chronic pain in their hands (carpal tunnel) from spending all their time taking notes and working with small delicate parts

he doesn't complain about his even when it bothers him because it feels silly knowing how bad Viktor's pain is every day 💔💔💔💔

10,000 step haircare routine but Viktor's looks better anyway

used to be prone to acne as a teen (if accutane existed in arcane he would have been an accutane kid)

(i was an accutane kid and im projecting)

shaved regularly pre-hexcore because his father had facial hair and he looks a lot like his dad anyway; he was always a little worried if he grew it out it would remind Ximena too much of his dad and make her sad

took entire days off of work and pushed deadlines back when Viktor got bad just so he could stay with him when Viktor was in too much pain to do practically anything

used to deliberately sleep in the lab because Viktor would stay late and he didn't want Viktor to be alone in case he passed out or something happened

love languages are physical touch, gift giving, and quality time

money doesn't exist to him when he's buying other people things. can't do secret santas at Christmas bc he constantly exceeds the budget

simultaneously one of those people who legitimately cannot accept gifts and feels bad when people give him things

was genuinely so in love with Mel; used to have dreams about marrying her and living somewhere quiet with her

most definitely forgave her for manipulating him on the council and understood her but it was just never the same

bottom. argue with the wall

OUGHHHH my shayla 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

guess my favorite character challenge level impossible (it's so unbelievably obvious)

[ohtoburden]

thinking about my dad breaking down crying in the car while driving me to school when he and my mom were separated, and how he said he still loved her.

like, did he?

wouldn't he have listened to her when she talked about how his family was treating her badly? wouldn't he have stepped in? wouldn't he have taken her side in enforcing punishment for us kids when we did something wrong? being the sole bread winner, when you agreed to that dynamic before marriage, isn't enough.

mom had the qualifications to work, she could have done it. she wanted to do it but she thought that if it was with dad, she'd be happy to have kids and be a stay at home parent.

and she cheated on him, because she felt he wasn't there for her emotionally, after all those years. it's it cheating if you don't feel like the relationship is real anymore? if you feel abandoned in it?

i mean personally yeah, it's cheating. have it out with the man and leave him, christ. but also i sort of understand her.

i don't know what kind of love has you so absent from your relationship, so unable to communicate or change or compromise or discuss when possible are first brought up, but then somehow has you break down to your kid about years later.

also man, i don't know what an appropriate relationship with your parents is supposed to be like, but that moment was so baffling. i always thought my parents were ill-matched. that they got into fights all the time. i didn't understand why they'd married. and i was a teenager dealing with so many issues, it just felt so stupid.

like, why are you breaking down to me, 16, currently suicidal, traumatised by your and mom's parenting, engaging in self destruction behind closed bathroom and bedroom doors. what on earth are you doing. what was i supposed to do with that? what was i supposed to do about it? we were on the way to school, for christ's sake. i had just a normal full day of classes ahead. i was 16. what the hell.

and now later as an adult. after my parents finally fully separated. before my dad found someone new to see. him coming to my room at 3 in the morning to check on me, but i'm always awake at those hours, so we end up talking. and we talk about his life and mine but in such a way that i am somehow basically a therapist.

who opens up to their 23 year old about being bullied in grade school, and that they've never told literally anyone else. not his parents, not his siblings, not his friends. how am i the first person you tell about this? that's so sad for him, that it took me for him to finally find someone to open up to. it took me being me, but also him not having a Wife he could pretend everything was ok with. that his lofe was exactly where he wanted it to he.

because as soon as he started seeing his new partner the pseudo therapy sessions with me stopped, of course. as soon as he started seeing her he was fine! i can't remember if i told him about the issues he gave me before or after he started seeing her, but that talk was in the daytime. you know, like a normal conversation. jesus christ.

[beemochi-art]

For the Character: twitch 8, thrash 2, nightshade 18, hashtag 20, jawbreaker 21 and slipstream 14.

For the Ship Forte-verse Jazz/prowl D and for the author 🌍

2) First time meeting their best friend

Thrash first time meeting his best friends is when the Malto adopted him. Robby and Mo aren’t just his siblings but his best friends.

HOWEVER! Thrash was ecstatic to meet JB. They are connected to each other through an emotional bond and became friends quickly.

8) First time they took a risk, or the biggest risk they've ever taken

Teaching herself how to fly. None of the autobots fly, Wheeljack tried his best to help her but unfortunately he wasn’t successful at teaching something he doesn’t know. She had to learn herself, and with a lot of practice (and being a bit of an extremist.) she got it.

14) First time facing their fears

Slipstream isn’t necessarily scared of concepts she is instead more scared of certain people. She is afraid of Megatron most of all. She most of the time stayed out of his way. But When Megatron was going to kill Starscream she couldn’t stand by. She shielded Starscream with her body, this decision could have killed her but instead Megatron spared Starscream. She still got hit but at least her dad is alive, though he probably wished he was dead during the beating. Though she faced Megatron she is still scared.

18) First example of real character growth along their journey

(SMALL RANT. I am very upset on the treatment of Nightshade by both the fandom and the writers, l wont start on my issues with the fandom cause those issues aren’t relevant here. I wanted so desperately for Nightshade to be an actual character, and for season one they were but after that it was just over, no more problems, no more contemplating issues. Unfortunately like most Lgbtq characters, they are turned into a place holder, just a box to check on the pandering list. It seems like now nightshade is just the person with the remote that fixes everything, part of the reason why I like Earthspark Expeditions is Nightshades dialogue when you screw up. Nightshade pull no punches on making you feel bad, which is something that happened to me a lot cause I was really bad at those side quests. But even though they weren’t a playable character they still felt like more then a place holder, that bot can be sassy. And I loved it. But alas, it’s probably too much to expect a company to make actual Lgbtq characters like normal character. Regardless I feel like it is important to include lgbtq characters in media)

ANYWAY!! Nightshade came online and was alone, they saw the decepticons destroying everything/ some decepticons seeing Nightshade as vermin and the Autobots fighting back in a brutal way. They recognized that they were a similar species to the cybertronians but renounce they’re ferocity and brutal ways. Nightshade also learn the hard way that humans aren’t that different either. Feeling alone and confused about the world around them, they decided they would just live solitary. Until that option wasn’t available anymore due to the decepticons. Nightshade left with no better option followed Twitch to the Autobot base. Nightshade was stand-offish and sometimes mean. Throughout they’re adventures they learn that the Autobots are here to protect them and may not be right all the time but are trying. Nightshade connected with Bumblebee, they have many similarities. Nightshade also come to sympathies with some cons as well. Nightshade wants gets inspired to want things to change in peaceful way… there has to be a way.

20) First time they felt accepted/welcomed by another character

Hashtag had to be rescued from a M.E.C.H base. Being forced to fight both autobots and decepticons, She was very confused, aggressive and didn’t really know anything. She did know the bots she had an emotional connection with were apart of her in some ways and could be trusted. She didn’t really like humans either, so when Thrash took all the Terrans back to the Malto home she stay around the woods near their home.

It took lots of time but the Terrans as a collective brought her out of her shell and made her feel safe. They told her that technically she was the reason they all were together now. They may have never met if she didn’t call to them.

21) First major change in their life, and how they dealt with it

Jawbreaker leaving the decepticons. He had too. He needed to go find what was calling to him. But that wasn’t the only reason. He knew Megatron is wrong, maybe he was right a long time ago but now it’s wrong. Jb barely understands anything about the War but he has seen people get hurt, he’s been hurt.

Jb took a risk and left without looking back. He mostly keeps to himself about his decision but sometimes struggles with it and wants to go back. He’s not dealing with it too good, but he’s got his siblings to lean on when he needs it. He just hopes those he left behind are doing ok.

D) First kiss

After a couple of dates and Jazz egging Prowl on. Prowl went to kiss him, unfortunately there was more then his nerves getting in the way.

🌍 - First attempt at worldbuilding, or a notable piece of worldbuilding you're proud of

A personal series I have which has OOTALS AND OOTALS of of world building that I am proud of. I love this story and I’ve had it for years, probably one of the early stories I’ve made. It’s called Wolfram.

Tf stuff has definitely helped my world building skill.

[youwillfindilluminating]

Roy x Jamie x Keeley and Roy x Jamie Fic Recs

On one of my Jamie meta posts, @mangoofthesea asked me to drop some recs. You don’t have to ask me twice - I love making fic rec posts!

So here we have a list of all my favorite Ted Lasso fics, as of 4/21/2023. There are many more great fics out there, but these are the ones I loved enough to download the PDFs (always a good practice!).

~*~

Roy x Jamie x Keeley:

The Care and Keeping of Jamie Tartt: http://archiveofourown.org/works/33828712  An OT3 get-together, of sorts. Roy and Keeley take Jamie back to their place after the Man City episode in season 2. Lots of h/c.

honey, I’m honed: http://archiveofourown.org/works/39291306  OT3 getting together and figuring things out. Includes insecure Jamie and emotional h/c. There’s a part 2 to this wherein Jamie has really bad hayfever and it’s 100% h/c and oooo boy, that’s so up my alley you have no idea.

feel your heart taking root in your body: http://archiveofourown.org/works/36861922  Established OT3. Jamie’s dad has surgery and Jamie has to go help him for a couple days before the at-home nurses get arranged. There’s no way in hell Roy is letting him go by himself. So much protective!Roy and emotional h/c it’ll blow your mind. And even more h/c when they get back home and Keeley can join in.

 ~*~

Roy x Jamie:

and you know you don’t have to go:  http://archiveofourown.org/works/35473468  Roy takes Jamie home post Man City (season 2). This is just a great Man City episode fic that hits all the beats it’s supposed to hit. It remains in-character and realistic while still letting these boys be soft.

Flinch: http://archiveofourown.org/works/46399873  God, I fucking love this one. It’s like the author says: an attempt to compress a Jamie Tartt manifesto down to 10k.  Set during season 3. Includes several mentions of Jamie’s father’s abuse. Definitely deals with issues of Jamie attaching all of his value to his body’s ability to perform (in football, etc.).

Blowing in the Wind: http://archiveofourown.org/works/46631650 Set during 3x06. Windmill sex! That night, they stumble upon an Airbnb inside a windmill, and stay the night. Discussions of intimacy ensue. This is really, really sweet. It’s tough to get these boys to talk about their feelings (especially Roy) and still have them stay in character, and jedusaur does it beautifully.

say something true: http://archiveofourown.org/works/46540315  Jamie has a praise kink. Set during season 3. HOT.

A More Judicious Prick: http://archiveofourown.org/works/46241506 Set during season 3. Some D/s elements. "Roy, everything that kid has ever done was to get your attention." I really love this one. Jedusaur hits the nail on the head every fucking time.

Kind But Extremely Firm: http://archiveofourown.org/works/46230289 Another Jamie-has-a-praise-kink fic. It’s Roy x Jamie, but definitely has elements of Roy x Jamie x Keeley.

He tries to joke. “Do you need me to tell you that you’re a good boy?” The problem is, Roy’s tone and general demeanor don’t lend themselves well to joking.

“That’d be nice, coach,” Jamie says. He sounds breathless.

if you want something: http://archiveofourown.org/works/38995776  A spanking fic that hits just right (pun intended). Do you know how hard it is to find an amazing spanking fic? DO YOU??

"It helped. When you said all that stuff about how I fucked up but I had to let it go, it fucking... worked, all right? I was stuck on it and you got me unstuck, and now I'm stuck again, and I just. Wanted you to do it again."

just do it: http://archiveofourown.org/works/40282233  Consensual Non-Consent, Kink Negotiation, Safewords. Mind the tags!  This is just uhhhh very much my thing, so I had to include it. Some silliness with the safeword selection at the very end.

Player On Loan: http://archiveofourown.org/works/40139490  This one is very much What It Says On The Tin. Objectification, Sharing, Safeword Use. Basically, Keeley and Jamie are dating, but Jamie likes to be “loaned out” to Roy as a sex object. There is negotiation beforehand, and everything is consensual! This one might not be everyone’s thing, but it’s handled so well, and it hasn’t left my brain for weeks. It was written well before season 3, but it definitely deals with themes of Jamie seeing his body as social currency/used to please others, etc.

-

Part 2 of the rec list is here

Part 3 is here

[ccoffii]

Eleceed Redeisgns

Don’t get the wrong idea I’m not trying to fix anything (despite my issues with 75% of the bestie crew having the same hairstyle) ZHENA-nim art did really well on this series and I can definitely see her improvements!!

I find redesigning characters I like as a good exercise for me since I’m trying to practice my character design skills! I’ve also added headcannons so strap in.

First victim, istg he doesn’t even look like the same person lol.

- gave him the :3 mouth bc he has the little shit potential especially after wrapping everyone around his finger

- Longer hair comes from the hc that he is the kind of person who would hide behind it and to match his dads

- changed his hair to brown bc the blond colour blended with his skin too much (helps with contrast)

- The bag is to help him carry cats and more cat food

- Oversized clothes to wallow in, also to hide himself or something

- While Jiwoo and Kayden are implied to wear the same size clothing I still think Jiwoo’s clothes would be tight on Kayden

- It helps Kayden learn about Jiwoo as a person since he would question why his clothes were so ill fitting on him

- Colour palette was hard af, but I mostly went with warmer colours and added blue as an accent so he could match Kayden

- As u can tell the only thing that fits him perfectly is the school uniform, even then he likes to size up the blazer

- His bag would start with no buttons and over time more would be added based on where he’s been and the friends he makes

- Glasses are up for debate but they look nice on him

- gave him more down turned eyes so he could resemble Kang Daniel a little more

barely changed, basically the outfit was the only thing to go

- He looks like the kind of kid that would wear headphones all day

- His glasses fucked off to somewhere and I brought brought them back THEY R HERE TO STAY

- The dress shirt in his casual outfit is the same one from his uniform

- Bc of his upbringing with the doctor guy I would think he doesn’t have that many clothes to begin with and sees little point in getting more

- Ofc that will change later with his friends

- His name tag says his last name is Park but he doesn’t rlly have one and the wiki says so too, so it’s just something he had to give the school or somethin

- More lanky build? Basically a bean pole.

Again who the fuck is this

- gave him his melanin back, like all of it

- He seems more the varsity jacket type guy than Wooin

- Hair is based off Yeonjun’s lover loser era

- Tried to give him that international student type of beat vibe bc his sister is the big boss of the SK awakener scene

- i feel like with this hairstyle it’s easier to imagine him with black hair but I digress

- His jacket starts off with no patches and they’re slowly added on when he spends time with the bestie crew

MY GIRLIE!!

- Changed her uniform to be more fancy based off of the reaction of other students in Jiwoo’s school, the pendant on her bow is her own addition.

- No respectable Gen Z wears ripped skinny jeans… Controversial

- a converse girlie for sure

- Her hair is kinda based off the Mafuyu White Day card, either way she has to give gender

- Are they called arm warmers? They give her an interesting silhouette and very distinguishable from the guys

- Alternatively she wears a turtle neck and a sweater/large T-Shirt when it’s too cold + arm warmers just cause

Some other stuff:

- yes, all the redesigns will eventually include some element of blue like Jiwoo to help connect them and signify how close they are

- a lot of them were made with a go out shopping episode in mind to help us learn more about them

- maybe I’ll write a fic but finals r chasing my ass rn so eventually

[cosmicjb]

Soma in the NRC uniform (drew it awhile ago because my son had returned after years abroad I couldn’t believe it!!)

I see him in ramshackle cause no magic but would hangout at Scarabia dorm a lot. i’ve had this thought in my head ever since I got a feel for Jamil and Kalim’s personalities, after getting into twisted.

(I’m a fan of characters with layers so I’m gonna ramble a bit that, and I can’t help but picture interactions between Characters with the same artist behind them because similar vibes.)

Whenever I mentally picture Jamil, Kailm and Soma I mentally put them on a slider, personality wise, as well certain attributes AND SOMA IS SERIOUSLY THE IN BETWEEN OF BOTH when I really think about it!!

I could see him and Jamil being ACTUAL rivals and it ticking him off at first Soma DEMANDING rematches whenever he loses. And knowing immediately if Jamil let him win.

Soma practicing over and over and over to get better (like when he was fencing with Ciel or him Learning how to play chess) and Jamil just NOT HAVING IT if he won, he could (at first) perceive him to be a mental carbon copy of Kalim. But, as they would get to know each other. (Or let’s be honest Soma coming around unannounced.)

He realizes that he has a lot more going on than he lets on. (Like his immense issues with loneliness and abandonment, and neglect😅)

Also, Soma’s a bit more independent than Kalim. So I can see him being a type of big brother to him in that regard. That, and Soma is very emotionally intelligent in a similar way to what Kalim grows to also be, so I feel like they basically have eachother’s characters SOMEWHAT figured out. but Kalim would probably have an inkling there’s something more Soma’s not telling him.

if Kalim were to bring up his family, talk about his relationship with his Mom, Dad and siblings, Soma would probably be pretty envious internally. Given his father hates him and his mother ignores him. And we don’t even know the full extent of his relationship with his siblings! So that would definitely be a sore spot.

Because he really doesn’t have anyone. And one of the hints that I can fully hold onto as fact would probably be the line he said near the end of the foreign butler arc and book of circus, “But, Still, I… don’t want… to be alone in that palace anymore.” And “ Well, i didn’t exactly have my parents around either but…” Plus, Jamil and Kalim’s whole deal would probably remind him of when he had to let go of Mina. Even if it’s nowhere as simple as letting them walk away.

(I NEED ANSWERS!!! I HAVE TOO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT MY BOY SOMA!!! and I can only hope that the way I get those answers is NOT from his cinematic record PLEEEEEEASE!!! I know this story will most likely end in tragedy or if I’m being hopeful, bittersweet my mind is prepared I knew what I was getting into, BUT MY HEART IS NOT!!!)

I know there would never be a crossover between these two properties because the ratings, subject matter, demographics, are ENTIRELY different.

However it’s still interesting to think about The different coping mechanisms, as well as the psychology of these characters. Plus the vast differences in mindset given that black butler is set in 1889 and twisted wonderland is close to where we are 2000s wise. Which adds another layer!!! Also, just the differences in what these characters go through and have experienced in general.

[hindahoney]

Hey - this is kind of an odd question, but I was wondering if you had any recommendations for books or articles to read to learn more about Judaism for someone who’s kind of Jewish (but not really)?

My mum is Jewish, but stopped practicing when she was a teenager, and I was brought up atheist - my dad’s family are Protestant. I basically don’t know anything about Judaism, which feels particularly weird because I know loads about Christianity, just through osmosis. And I’ve never met a whole branch of my family who are apparently very orthodox and live really near us in London. Anyway, I’d like to learn more, and don’t really know how to start? Or if I should start?

Thank you for your question. First of all, if your mother is Jewish, you are Jewish. You're not "kind of Jewish," you're not "Jew-ish." You're fully Jewish, and every movement of Judaism recognizes you as such.

Second, there are endless amazing resources for people in situations like yours. I wish I could say that it was more rare to have descendants of people who assimilated wanting to reconnect, but sadly it's not. I've known some people have found resources for converts to be helpful in reconnecting, so those are mixed in with my list as well.

MyJewishLearning is a great resource for really anything Jewish. I've found their articles to be pretty diverse in terms of approach, and they give perspectives of different movements on each topic.

Jewish101 Playlist - This is great not just for beginners, but for people familiar with Judaism already. They are talks given by one of my favorite Rabbis, Rabbi Mark Golub, about everything from how Jews view G-d, our relationship & struggles with Him, how sex is treated in Judaism, to Jewish holiday traditions & the meaning behind them.

Jewish Learning Institute - This entire channel is beneficial for learning about really any topic. They have a more frum perspective, but I think that learning the core observant values is really important when deciding which ones speak to you. It's also important for Jews to understand their more observant siblings, as many people don't and that ignorance leads to observant Jews being marginalized by their own family. By having that baseline understanding of the reasons behind why Jews do what they do, so that you can decide for yourself it that matters or can fit in your life. The video I've attached is about the survival of the Jewish people, a brilliant and moving speech given by Rabbi Y.Y Jacobson. I think this speech is sure to give every Jew a sense of pride and connection to their fellow Jew, which is vital when forming a Jewish identity. We're a tribe for a reason.

TY Channel Henry Abramson - Not a Rabbi but many people mistake him for one because he's highly educated (PhD). He gives very educational lectures on all sorts of Jewish topics, usually Jewish history. Peppers in some humor too, so he's entertaining to watch.

Unpacked - Gives crash-course type videos (entertaining, some animation, higher budget, etc) on issues that Jews face today, conversations Jews are having in the community, and Jewish history.

My Jewish Mommy life - Jewish vlogger who makes videos on the basics of Judaism, shabbat, holidays, etc. A good resource for anyone just entering the fold. Comes from a more reform background but does a decent job of explaining different perspectives.

Books

The Torah (Hebrew-English, also has Spanish, French, Portuguese. There are tons of versions online)

The Jewish Book of Why - This book is essentially a compilation of a million different questions commonly asked about Jews/Judaism and the answers given range in the interpretation of various movements.

Choosing A Jewish Life - Kind of a how-to guide in terms of choosing a Rabbi, synagogue, overview of basic Jewish concepts & movements, choosing a Hebrew name for yourself (You can give yourself one if you don't have one!!), and how to discuss with your family your decision to be Jewish, or more observant.

Jewish Literacy - ABSOLUTELY MY FAVORITE JEWISH RESOURCE. Can be read like a novel or an encyclopedia (like for referencing certain topics). I read through this completely and it is an amazing compilation of every topic from important Biblical stories and their Jewish interpretation, Jewish history from its creation to modern times, IP conflict, major Jewish historical figures, modern Jewish thought on certain topics. Genuinely, if you want to know something about Jewish tradition and practice, it's probably in this book.

To Be a Jew - Halachot (Jewish laws) around observance in daily life, their oigins, and why we do them. Guide for major and minor holidays, major life events, and an explanation of rationale for modern Jewish life.

Living a Jewish Life - Another why-to and how-to guide for Judaism in your daily life.

Helpful Apps:

Shabbat Times (Self-explanatory, you put in your city and it tells you what time Shabbat starts)

Jewish Chronicle/Jooish News - News around the world for what's happening to and by Jews

TorahAnytime - Like Youtube but for Jewish learning

Daily Jewish Prayers - Invaluable resource that explains when which prayers are said, provides it in transliteration, English, and Hebrew

CalJ - Jewish calendar. Great for knowing what the Hebrew date is and when/what times Jewish holidays start.

JVL (Jewish Virtual Library) - a bunch of Jewish books

Jewish accounts to follow:

Here's a very short and incomplete list of Jewish accounts I recommend following, because they post about Judaism a lot and give a good idea of what every-day Jews think about a wide range of things. They are really invaluable resources when it comes to learning from real Jews and I trust their judgment:

@shretl

@tikkunolamorgtfo (has been around forever, literally amazing)

@adoratato

@jewish-kermit

@spacelazarwolf

@magnetothemagnificent

@laineystein

@gonnauseanomdeplume

@hiddurmitzvah

@girlactionfigure

@rimonoroni

@anonymousdandelion

@starlightomatic

@unbidden-yidden

[answer2jeff]

the fatherhood theory:

my take on lip gallagher finding purpose in parenthood.

First things first, I quickly want to congratulate the writers for beautifully articulating the accuracy of Lip's initial reaction to Freddy's birth.

Tami had an extremely complicated birth that resulted in her requiring surgery. Lip, both as a new father and as a boyfriend, was legitimately terrified. He couldn't decide if he should stay with Tami or their son. His thought process probably included the possibility of the mother of his child suffering, further trailing to the fear of fatherly absence. Naturally, considering Lip's lack of a genuine father figure, contributing anything remotely resembling neglect or failure to accommodate to his son feels like the worst and most unforgivable thing he could ever do.

Secondly, I want to say that although Tami is quite different compared to Lip's other love interests, I think she was relatively realistic at the time. She has drive and compassion, and Lip loves a good sarcastic girl who affectionately ridicules the guy she loves. She's abrasive in a way that is more meant to establish her intelligence rather than actually put others around her down. Tami is also terrible at accepting criticism, but doesn't respond in the explosive anger that Lip does. She's more passive aggressive than, well...aggressive aggressive. Even though it's not quite the healthiest, it's much more flexible than rage.

In short, Lip sees a lot of himself in Tami. But, she's a more put together, determined version of him. She's the star that Lip never really turned out to be, even if she's not absolutely perfect. Their relationship is accurate for the conditions of the show (and Lip's life.) Tami doesn't give Lip a lot of opportunities to self sabotage because she's pretty much dubbed herself the lead of their relationship.

(not ignoring the fact that she said he'd be a shitty father by the way. that crushed my soul and i'll never forgive her but that's besides the point.)

Having to decide to let professionals (doctors and nurses, who he notoriously does not trust (rooted by capitalistic healthcare environments and the need for independence due to his childhood trauma), try their best to help Tami when she was literally blue and unresponsive, was difficult and extremely scary.

However, once Freddy has been properly cleaned and prepared to be held by his father, Lip suddenly finds the answer to so many of his interpersonal questions.

"I seem to have ruined everything I was once good at. Is there anything I won't automatically ruin just because I don't think I deserve it?"

Fatherhood.

"Would I be any better at this than my parents were?"

Yes, with practice.

"Would I be able to break the cycle?"

Yes, with love.

"Is it necessary for me to feel so deeply about the world?

Yes. Even if it's painful.

"And was it ever worth hiding that with anger?"

To some extent, yes. You wanted to protect yourself.

"Am I, deep down, past my inevitable quickness to rage, a good person?"

Yes. You always have been.

In hindsight, his excitement for becoming a dad seems kind of obvious considering his overjoyed and emotional reaction. But I think we can dig deeper beyond this surface level impression. Even if it's genuine and ultimately very good at showing Lip's love for his son. Something that I think really prepared Lip for the complications of parenthood was the time period during his time as a college student taking care of Liam.

He'd been surrounded by family members for his entire life that he did not trust. When Fiona, his beacon of support throughout his whole childhoo despite their complicated sibling relationship, made such a grave mistake that reflected neglect, Lip felt unsafe. Both Frank and Monica were typical offenders of drug and alcohol abuse. And they regularly dabbled in allowing these substance issues to affect their children.

Now there was really nobody in his family he could trust. Lip would have to re-learn how to fend for himself and his family. He's had plenty of experience, but he had a support system. Even if it contained his own siblings who lived the same abusive life as he did. But now that he didn't trust anyone around Liam, he literally had to become his primary caregiver.

"You're the closest thing to a dad we've ever had," said Ian Gallagher.

Becoming Freddy's father was the love that Lip needed in his life. Girlfriends are replaceable. Lip has proven this. But he always believed that once you become a father, you do not have the right to back out. And he'd always hold himself to that standard.

This is your life now. Do it right, or go to hell.

People like Lip need to have people in their lives who unconditionally rely on them. His siblings have chosen many times (and rightfully of course) to handle personal matters without Lip's advice. He hasn't gotten to feel as needed or as important as he deserved to be. Having a child, though unexpected, was the missing piece to the endless puzzle that was his life's purpose.

Lip's desire to be a good father not only stemmed from the failure of his own parents, but the fact that guiding his siblings through life was the one thing that everyone around him that everyone was convinced he couldn't do better than anyone else. (Personally, I think Fiona did a great job as an older sister. I'm more speaking from the perspectives and opinions of his siblings.)

Lip will feel love for himself through Teddy. Once he can finally succeed for the long term, he will find peace.

Not to say that he's automatically perfect, because he's not (and no one else is), but he's ready to take on the challange.

Freddy is the love of Lip's life.

And he always will be.

[felixsterprankster]

Falco “Volks” Eriksson tiny in depth description Step 1

SHE/HER PRONOUNS AND “IVORY” IN USE

˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖°

Ivory has moved all the way from their home country, Norway! She was used to moving around but to a whole new continent, it was so different in America than it was in Norway. She got her name from another local Bestemor in the town she was born in due to very pale skin and bright blond hair she was born with, though it started to turn a dark shade of brown after his 4th birthday! Ivory has many fun things about her that draw people to her naturally. Similar her neighbor who are practically twins who look nothing alike, Ivory carries around a messenger under her shawl jacket thingy (?) with all sorta of nooks, such as a few examples. Hair ties, an extra pair of earrings, random ribbon, a few Krone coins. It changes often depending if he found a cool looking rock or a charm at the antique shop.

She is her En Mammas biggest supporter and defender.

She is closer to Tamarack than Qiu due to both the girls similarities. “She’s my long lost twin!” She says as she stomps her little foot on the ground when someone tries to tell her that her and Tamarack aren’t sisters

At the start of step 1 Ivory has already been diagnosed with ADHD and has been since the 4th grade, she has an IEP to help her in school such as when it comes to in class assignments an tests, Ivory us takin out in a small group of people along side of having a 30 minute period where they just walk around the school with their Para and extra time for homework. After lunch he goes gona different class room with a few other kids to do small group activities to help them understand subjects together as well as Ivory standing on a wobble board as Ivory would and still into adult hood rolled their ankles alot.

Ivory was also in in school speech therapy from the start of 1st grade and all the way till 7th grade due to a speech impediment (a small stutter) and Rhotacism (trouble pronouncing the “R” sound) and it got better but definitely never went away.

(These are 100% based on my own experiences with having an IEP for ADHD and in school speech therapy)

Ivory also has attachment issues when it comes to her friends, always afraid that one day she’ll have to move again and leave behind her friends. Moving around alot has also caused her to some times lash out at people, but she doesn’t mean to, she feels bad afterward and even weeks later she’s apologizing randomly for it, no one knows what causes these moments but their also rare for her.

Sh has the habit of picking at her nails an lips so he nails always look rough with her outdoorsy nature and her picking at them, same with her lips.

Doesn't think to much about not having a dad in step 1 but still gets a little sad around Fathers day and when it comes to school events like Donuts with Dad or those Daddy Daughter dances.

Speaking of Father's day, sh makes Opal a card on Fathers day calling the day "Mothers Day Part 2" for her

Always doodling on her arm or in the warmer months, her legs. Opal calls her a walking coloring books

˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖° ˚☆˖°

This was 100% sorta a ramble post about Falco

Just random stuff I had in my notes app about him in step 1 cause he's my child

[jazda-iga]

"I don’t suggest or hint at anything. She has trainers for that." - interview with Iga Swiatek's father

The interview was translated from Polish:

**In your relationship, are you the one who motivates Iga to keep pushing the limits of endurance, for example, by training in a mask to improve fitness?**

Iga is so intelligent and independent that we don’t even talk about it. I don’t suggest or hint at anything. She has trainers for that. I have stepped aside. Tomasz Wiktorowski is responsible for tennis issues, Maciej Ryszczuk for general preparation, and Daria Abramowicz for psychological matters. The team works very well, and they themselves make sure that the workload is at the right level.

**You and Iga live sports practically all year round. Can you talk about anything other than tennis?**

It’s amazing, but even when I come to Iga for tournaments and spend a lot of time with her, we don’t talk about tennis at all. We decided long ago that it’s impossible to live the sport all the time. Even during important tournaments, you have to escape with your thoughts from tennis, because constantly thinking about it would not do any good. The best tennis players are characterized by the fact that they devote one hundred percent of their time to the discipline - at training and during matches, possibly during post-match analysis. They devote the rest of their time to other issues.

**Don’t you miss your role as head of your daughter’s team?**

I’m glad I’m no longer one. I’ve never been a tennis player, so I’ll never feel it all as much as Iga and others do. Now she is the one who manages the team, makes the key decisions. She’s doing very well.

**Was it easy to cut yourself off like that?**

I didn’t cut myself off, after all, I’m still with her, I go to many tournaments. However, I try to have my own life and let Iga live and work as she wants. Before coming to the Olympics, I also talked to her about it. She agreed, she wanted me to be by her side during the tournament. I’m happy to be by her side as a parent. It really is more beneficial for everyone when there is a division of roles and competencies. The result is good results on the court. We are first and foremost a family, and family is not work. That’s what Iga has specialists for.

**Many parents can’t find themselves in just such a role....**

... And belong to the committee of crazy parents. Of course, it wasn’t easy for me at the beginning, but there was a moment when I processed a lot of things and understood what my role was. That, however, was quite early, even before Iga started her career in the WTA series. I’m glad I figured it out so quickly.

**Not so long ago, Magda Linette’s dad admitted that he had trouble focusing on his other responsibilities. Do you also experience your daughter’s matches so strongly?**

This is something that cannot be taught. When Iga enters the game well, there are indeed easier matches. I will admit that then I can actually relax. The match becomes a bit of such a self-play, and I watch the competition completely at ease. Still, there are some matches where you can see that Iga has difficulties from the beginning and struggles to play her tennis. This hurts me as a parent, but we have learned that losing is part of the sport. You can’t win all the time, especially in tennis.

**Isn’t it that with each success it becomes harder and harder to come to terms with Iga’s losing matches?**

Maybe, in fact, Iga has accustomed fans to the fact that most matches go quite easily for her. However, one should have a distance from this. It’s not that she has to win every match. I myself explain to her that she has already done so much that now she doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone and should focus on enjoying it.

**Can you say that you know your daughter so well that just by her stepping out on the court you are able to tell what kind of match it will be for her?**

It doesn’t work that way, because after all, every match has its phases. Tennis is interesting because practically until the end there is a possibility to make up even the biggest losses. However, I can see when the match is under her control, and when the bigger problems actually start.

**Many experts say that during the Olympic Games we didn’t watch the real Iga, that she was too tense, nervous. What do you make of this?**

The Olympic tournament is special because it is unique and is played only every four years. The extra stress was evident not only from Iga, but also from the other athletes. The favorites didn’t always win and it felt like a completely different burden.

**It seemed that until now such issues as too much external pressure had not affected Iga. Why was it different this time?**

The pressure to win the gold medal was very high, a lot of articles were written, everyone was already hanging this medal around Iga’s neck before the tournament, and this certainly did not help. Iga is only human. And it’s not like we push a button, the machine will go out on the court, win all the matches and leave Paris with the gold. I saw up close how much this tournament cost her, how stressed she was and how much she cared.

**Iga herself said that she cuts herself off from the media for the duration of the tournaments, but you probably read them. How do you react to some of the experts’ opinions, such as the one about not having a plan B for the matches?**

People write all sorts of things, but I decided from the beginning that I would not fight windmills. If I wanted to straighten out wrong assumptions, I wouldn’t do anything else, and I don’t have time for that. People judge differently, but it has the common feature that when it goes well, almost everyone praises, and when there is one stumble or loss, immediately the criticism begins. It’s hard to say what this is due to.

**I understand that you as a father are hurt by the critical comments against your daughter, but I think you have to admit that this is not the norm, that it is incidental.**

My point is not to elevate her on a pedestal, but to treat her like a human being who also needs support and is not an insensitive machine. I wish she could feel appreciated even in her weaker moments. It’s great that there are a lot of fans who give support and positive comments or messages also in more difficult moments.

**Do you have any examples of specific allegations that have outraged you the most?**

I’m not going to talk about specifics, because it’s pointless. However, the point is that many “experts” speak up, although they have absolutely no idea about the factors that affect performance and career or tennis development. They make theses that are often not supported by reality. This does not lead to anything, but creates chaos. However, I realize that I can’t fix the world by myself.

**Do you wonder how long Iga’s dominance can continue? Are you afraid of a real crisis?**

I’m not afraid of that at all, because it’s clear that there will come a moment when she trains or plays worse. Or simply the motivation will be less. This is part of life and sport. In her case, it’s all a matter of intrinsic motivation. If she drops for various reasons, it is clear that the ranking position will also drop. However, I don’t think it will be a drama. This is the natural course of things, after all, life is not a straight line going upwards only.

**Do you think Iga is ready for something like this? Are you preparing for such a moment?**

We don’t talk about it. The key is for Iga to continue wanting to do what she likes. So that after one tournament she still feels like going to the next one and competing. I assume that she is young enough and motivated enough to achieve more success that she treats her career as a great adventure. We are enjoying it all and doing everything we can to help her seize the moment.

**In the past, there were times when Iga called you and had moments of doubt about the sense of what she was doing?**

There were no such radical cases, but Iga pays attention to the WTA calendar, which forces players to constantly move and play with great frequency. After all, more and more tournaments are compulsory, and tournaments such as the Olympic Games have little room in the calendar, as this edition showed - they require an unfavorable change of surface twice. Such a system will lead to a decrease in the quality and level of play of the players. Already there are a lot of injuries, injuries or simple fatigue. All this causes the rank of the tournaments to drop. Fortunately, Iga is physically well-prepared and for the time being is able to manage the load properly, but it is a very demanding process.

Interviewed by Mateusz Puka, journalist at WP SportoweFakty

[morganas-pendragons]

Ceilings | Joel Miller

Summary: He's gone.

Authors Note: First of all, I am SO sorry for this LOL but this idea has been in my head since the DAY I started watching the gameplays on YouTube and... yeah I'm sorry

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR THE LAST OF US PART ONE AND TWO, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, ANGST

This is heavily based off of the songs Ceilings by Lizzie Mcalpine. Blame TikTok. This is ALL I have heard over the last week and a half. I'm not sure if this turned out the way I initially wanted it to, but oh well. Here you go!

***

It's pink. The walls are pink, the twins names on either wall written in a brilliant calligraphy are pink against a cream background. The only thing that isn't pink is the ceiling.

He wanted it cream to match the walls. You wanted it white.

That's why you've been sitting here for the last hour contemplating the color of your babies room and ceiling because it's easy. It's easy and after all you have been through... You could use easy.

So could Joel. That's why he chose the girls names the very first time you ever mentioned having kids. After years worth of fear of being a father, of failing at being a dad to his own babies and to Sarah, you'd coaxed him into a state that had Joel Miller fully embracing his love for you and his desire for a future.

The girls names were to be Charlotte and Eliza. Charlotte Miller and Elizabeth Miller.

Charlie and Eliza.

Previously

He's been thinking about it a lot more since he came back to Jackson. Thinking about that time when you, he and Ellie had first arrived, when Joel had come rushing out onto the street in the midst of a panic attack and found himself staring into the past.

Or what should've been the future.

Joel had thought he'd seen Sarah out on that snow-covered road. Sarah, with her mass of curls, opening her arms to embrace a daughter who looked exactly like her. A life Sarah should've been able to have. A granddaughter that Joel should've been able to love.

He's been thinking about it more. The possibility of another child, of having a second chance - as Ellie was already more then enough proof he'd been given a second chance - to raise a child of his own was something Joel quietly yearned for.

To hold his own baby. To make up for his mistakes.

It had been something the two of you had talked about when Ellie wasn't paying attention. You had been the one to initially bring it up. Claiming that you believed he'd be a good father, that he'd been a good father, and what happened to Sarah had not been his fault.

It had been twenty some years since he'd held his daughter as she died. It never got easier. Not then, not now, not in the quiet darkness of the bedroom he now shared with you in Jackson.

"I think I'd like to try," Joel whispers. You turn your head away from where it's been buried in your novel, eyes seeking his out in the dark as Joel turns to look at you over his shoulder. "To talk about kids again. To talk about having them with you."

Your smile could rival the sun. This isn't something he'd comfortably admit in front of other people, but that's never been an issue with you. Joel's practically already laid his bleeding soul at your altar so many times in the last couple of months. There's nothing you don't know.

There's things you know that even Tommy doesn't know.

"Are you sure?" You ask gently. "Are you sure that this is something you want?"

"If it's worth it to you, Sunshine-"

You're deliberate in your movements as you cross the bed to hold his chin in your hand. Joel's breath catches as you press the pad of your thumb into the divot of his chin. "It's not just about me," You say. "It's also about what you want, Joel."

He can see it. He can see a little girl running around on bare feet in the early hours of the morning in their house as you stand over the stove to prepare breakfast.

He can hear it. Laughter.

He can feel it.

The same love he'd felt for Sarah. Something he'd thought was dead.

"It is what I want." Joel whispers. "But there's something I need just as bad."

"Which is?"

"You." He holds up a red velvet box, and your whole world comes stuttering to a halt. "To marry me."

***

Bedsheets... No clothes... Touch me like nobody else does...

Lovely to just lay here with you.....

He's so warm. Joel is like the sun has come down to meet you on the cold grounds of a now desolate Earth, warm and comforting and present. He's been stretched out on his side of the bed for the entire night.

No nightmares. It's a quiet relief that you revel in because it's the first time in all these months you've known him where he's known peace.

And really, isn't that what you've wanted?

You're kinda cute and I would say all of this

But I don't wanna ruin the moment

Careful not to wake him, you pull the sheets up over your bare chest and prop your head up with one hand to drag your fingertips across the expanse of his back. So much fine muscle. Fine, toned muscle that moves with every breath he takes as Joel remains in deep sleep.

The ring on your finger gleams as the early rays of the morning sun begin to fracture through the plain-colored curtains on the windows.

Mrs. Miller has a nice ring to it.

When Joel does wake up is when everything really comes alive. Your cheeks redden when he captures you in the cage of his arms, dark eyes bright and happy - because he's married, and he's content, and he's in love - aa he leans down to kiss you. It's so odd to see him so at peace especially with the lingering issue of the divide between him and your sister just out of reach.

Because while your lives together may be just beginning, the contempt and resentment your sister harbors flows from her little garage where she chooses to live. To live without you and Joel.

It is what it is.

Lovely to sit between the comfort and chaos

***

A Few Weeks Later

You'd been with Joel for most of the morning doing a supply run about fifty miles outside of town. You'd struggled with nausea for the greater duration of the morning, feigning ignorance to the real reason and claiming that it was simply something you'd eaten the night before. He'd been too focused on the goal of why you were out there to begin with.

But it's over Then you're drivin' me home

"I've got just the right thing for dinner," Joel remarks as you pull into the main gates of Jackson. "That soup I make that you love."

You kick up your feet onto the dash and grin as you tuck your hands behind your head. "The one with the beef, potatoes and spinach?" You reply. "That is my favorite."

"Of course it is. I'm a phenomenal cook."

"You can make three things in total, Miller," You hold up three fingers and curl one by one. "Soup, sandwiches, and salads. Anything else is out of your league." Leaning outward, you tip your head up and turn around so you are resting your head in his lap as the truck comes to a gradual stop. "Just like I was."

He doesn't reply. Not as the young adults swarm the truck to unload the supplies and take them into the appropriate storage units, leaving the two of you alone before Tommy and Maria inevitably come looking to question you and if you encountered anyone on your trip.

Joel's wearing that soft, tender look. That look you so very rarely see because that's not who other people know him to be. That's not the Joel Miller. The infamously stoic, cold and sharp man who's renowned for his brutality and violence that's brought down grown men. The man has more blood on his hands than anyone else you know.

But you love him anyway. You especially love him in these quiet moments where those walls he builds around the people of Jackson fall and he's just the quiet man who wants to love. To be loved.

You sit up and move to wrap your hand around the door handle.

And it kinda comes out as I get up to go

You kiss me in your car

And it feels like the start of a movie I've seen before

"I love you." He blurts out. Your eyes widen just as scarlet dusts his cheeks, and you're so taken off guard because it's the first time he's said it out loud. You surge forward and capture his mouth with your own as you press his shoulder into his own door.

Your laughter is what has Joel pulling away like he's been burned because the next thing you know, someone has opened his door without him realizing it and caused him to fall straight backward into a snowbank.

"Joel!" You curl your fingers around the side of the seat as Joel rolls to the side and upward to glare at you where he now sits wet and grumpy in the snowbank. "I'm going to find Maria. Have fun getting yourself out of those clothes!"

"Try telling me what you really want, Sunshine!"

"You!" You call over your shoulder with a wicked grin on your lips. "Clothes off!"

Reality settles in as you approach Maria's house. If your assumption is correct, and your gut usually is, then your pregnancy is about to absolutely tear Joel's world out from under his feet.

You're not sure that's a good thing.

***

Life goes on anyway. Your sister has made no effort to reconcile with Joel - and in her own right, as Ellie fully believes she has a justifiable reason for her ire against both you and him - and has no intentions to do so until you approach her garage after your return from your supply run with a test in your hands.

A positive test. A test Joel didn't know about.

''El," You call as you knock on the door. "Can I come in?"

There's a brief period of silence before someone is shuffling behind the door before approaching it. Ellie's form waits on the other side, brow raised in question as her eyes flicker between your own and the test in your hands.

"Whatever that is, I want no part."

And that's what causes it. Your gaze hardens as you shove your way inside of her garage, purposefully ignoring the guitar that Joel gave her by the bed. "You don't get to do that with me. You might be able to do it with Joel, but not with me." You snap. "This is your niece or nephew. This is our family. You don't get to just walk away from that."

She seems tired of the arguments. You don't blame her, but after what Joel had done for her, you'd expect her to at least act grateful. Even if she could defend herself.

"I don't screw around with liars." Ellie says evenly. "I don't care if they're family. The very least you could do is act like you committed some atrocity by lying to me of all people."

She wants an apology. If that's all she wants, then you'll give it to her.

"Ellie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I had to lie to you for a reason that you will not understand until you are a parent and have lost a child." You screw your eyes shut and clench your hands at your sides. "I'm sorry that what Joel and I did in that moment in the hospital was for you, not against you. And I'm sorry that your inability to forgive either of us will most likely cost you a relationship with your future niece or nephew."

Turning sharply on your heel, you don't give her the satisfaction of even beginning to formulate a response before you're slamming the test on her side table and slamming the door behind you.

Ellie stares at the two bold lines on the test after you've left for far longer than she cares to admit.

***

Joel leaves that afternoon with Tommy. You share one final goodbye on the snowy road that leads out of Jackson, bathed in afternoon light as you lean backward and smooth out the fabric of his jacket.

The news of your pregnancy still sits heavily on the forefront of your mind. You'll tell him when he comes home.

When he comes home.

"Joel?"

The way he looks at you in that final moment will be burned into your mind forever. Joel Miller has never looked at anyone quite like that. There's something that lingers there, something you will never quite be able to comprehend because it is something he keeps hidden and reserved for only himself.

"Yeah, sunshine." He murmurs softly.

You run a tender thumb along the apple of his cheek as you stand on your tiptoes and whisper, "I love you. Come home." in his ear before he turns his head to do the same to you. Your cheeks darken as Joel cups your face in his hands to kiss your forehead.

And then he's gone, like he was never really there.

His ghost will always linger inside of those gates.

***

You wait. You wait, and you wait, and he doesn't come.

You wait for news. For someone to appear at your door to break the news to you that the father of your children will not be coming home.

The news comes from Ellie's return after the snowstorm. Ellie, who's coming through the main gates of Jackson with Dina, Jesse, and Tommy who sits in the tailgate of the truck with his forehead pressed to the top of a bloody tarp. Just the sight of Tommy alone has fear curling through your blood stream because he is wrecked.

Ellie is sobbing. Gut wrenching sobs that have her doubled over at the waist as Dina helps her out of the car, desperation and a quiet cry for help evident in her aspect as you slowly stumble outside and down the stairs.

Trembling fingers pull away the tarp and reveal your husbands bloody remains. Jesse's quiet retelling of the story plays like static in your ears as you stare at the remains of that once gentle face that's now unrecognizable. Golf club. Vendetta. Captured Tommy and Joel. Beat him to death.

Your breathing comes in frantic and short gasps as you scream, piercing and raw, loudly enough to carry across the entire town and alert them to the newly widowed woman who stands on the Miller property.

He hadn't even known he was going to be a father.

And now he never would.

***

Ellie comes back from searching for her. Abby. According to Dina, the girl who killed your husband isn't dead.

But she's the reason why you give birth alone. Ellie isn't there. The only person there is you and Maria.

Joel's ghost lingers. But he's still very, very gone.

***

When Tommy says he's going to visit your sister's quaint house in the fields with her wife and baby, you demand to tag along and ask Maria to tend to the girls while you do. It's been nine months. Nine agonizing months that have been spent alone in your misery while you quietly mourn your husband.

Too many people had been afraid of Joel. He hadn't let enough people know him. That was why it was just you and Tommy at his graveside the night you buried him. That's why it's just your tears that water the soil there atop it.

Joel Miller

Beloved father and friend

You were furious with her for not finishing the job. For someone who so easily fell into patterns of violence - violence had never bothered her, Ellie had always been slightly fascinated by the darkness of it - it was infuriating to find out that she'd just let Joel's killer walk.

Sitting outside the house on your horse, you absently fiddle with the rings that lay heavily on your neck.

Ellie freezes at the sight of you. It's the first time you've laid eyes on each other in nine months. She hasn't met her nieces. You haven't met her baby either. It's quite strange, sitting here in front of family and feeling like complete strangers.

"She won't go find her, Sunshine. She won't finish the f-"

You hold your hand up to halt Tommy's angry rambling as he slings himself onto the top of his own horse. "Ellie is an adult who makes her own decisions," You say calmly, and the fact that there is not an ounce of emotion in your tone shakes Ellie to her core. "Even if they're bad ones."

"Sunshine-" Ellie interjects.

Ice flickers through your gaze as you remove a photo from the inner pocket of your coat. It flutters on the wind and settles at her feet.

"When you find her," You say. "You tell her what she took from me, and you make her pay for it."

That's all you leave her with. Ellie is left helpless to do anything but watch as you ride away, so different from the sister she knew, back in the direction of Jackson where your daughters wait for their mother to come home.

She stares at the photo of her nieces so long her eyes start to burn. The bottom reads Charlie and Eliza, nine months and they're playing together on the floor in front of the window while the sun shines down around them.

They're the spitting image of you and Joel. Joel, who is not here any more, because he's dead.

She takes the photo just quickly enough to then turn and vomit into the grass.

****

Abby sees it that night on the beach. A photo. A photo of Joel Miller's daughters, barely a year old, growing up in a world without their father.

She leaves it there.

But she doesn't forget.

****

But it's not real

And you don't exist

And I can't recall the last time I was kissed

They're five the first time they ask about him. Charlie found the guitar, your guitar, propped in the corner of the room against the photo you've kept face down since the year he died.

Until recently. Now your wedding photo stands proud on the sill, right next to the guitar that was last played by Joel.

"Mama?"

"Yes, baby."

They look so much like the both of you. Charlie is practically Joel's clone in personality where Eliza is your gentle spirit who prefers to use her words rather than her hands to make peace.

You haven't realized how much they resemble their mother and father until right now.

And it makes it hurt that much more.

It hits me in the car

Eliza frowns - which is exactly identical to Joel's frowns, and the sight of it makes your heart ache that much more - as she approaches you both on the sofa beside her sister. "Who's this?" She murmurs, running her little fingers across her father's face.

And it feels like the end of a movie I've seen before

"That, little hellions," Ellie calls as she enters the living room with a bowl of popcorn propped on her hip. "Is your Daddy." Charlie and Eliza flock to their aunts legs to linger there as she walks deeper into the room and takes the photo from their hands.

You're careful to watch as she runs her thumb over Joel's face. Once, twice, three times.

Maybe she had loved him more than you realized.

"Let me tell you about him."

[itsgirlcraft]

Timeeee for more minecraft Trapped/mc vr ramblesssss! ((Mostly me thinking out loud abt my thoughts on cool vr roleplay/practical effects/mods/etc)) (Feel free to ignore bc it's not really. Lore.)

I've unironically just finished doing mini "research" collecting video clips for this post rn- it took like an hour bc I couldn't find a Slimecicle clip- yes its important-

So two things. One, I have a L O T of ideas for practical effects done with the vr headset/controllers setup, just as they are. Two, I REALLY wanna see if the "first person model" mod is compatible with vr.

Ramble beneath the cut.

Like. I've wanted to play vr minecraft and do a little single-player roleplay for actual YEARS now. We've had a headset for most of that time, too. I just. Can't. Like it's been ACTIVELY in my mind for years, y e a r n i n g. And I HAVE researched and tested and troubleshooted over and over again, I just can't get QUITE to the end.

So. I've mostly been trying to use Sidequest, to install minecraft directly onto the headset. But it requires using a pc, and not my laptop, so that's problem 1. Problem TWO that I've struggled alot with is that I have to use the meta app (I've got a quest 3 headset, I think) which only works on your phone. But I have to use my DAD'S account/information. That's the biggest problem, even tho I've gotten him in on it a few times.

But the headset itself is wonky at best and might be outdated. One of the more recent times I tried it, it had to update bc it wouldn't show me its connection code thingy. I'm still not sure if it'll even allow me to install Sidequest or minecraft in general.

The other option is just connecting it to the pc, but that TOO is having connection problems. And since my brother's always playing on the family pc, it's a lil awkward if I wanna try to do that. Even tho there's literally two monitors. Cuz it's a whole Process still so I'd need the keyboard available. And plus even if I do somehow connect it with a cord, it may not be long enough to do much with. So yeah that's what's been up with me.

Anyways, now the actual ideas I have that I'd like to try/think are just cool.

So I've watched plenty of people play vr, and I've never seen anyone try first person model. It may very well be that it's not compatible at all, and I wouldn't be surprised. But it has somewhat worked with unique player models, so maybe if you just remove the mod's arms...eh. it may not be worth it, or even be possible.

But I remember a scene in MC Trapped where Sabre notes that he still can't see his own body when he looks down. And tbh I just can't stop imagining how immersive it'd be. Like, it wouldn't really...follow your movements like your arms. But it'd be cool. Though then there's part two of that immersion.

If the mod did work, we'd have OTHER issues that you can see from others' POVs. One major one being that the player body can't lay down when you do. Your hands just go thru the floor, but in your pov it looks fine...without the body. I think a simple sit/crawl button will fix that, but there's still a chance that wouldn't work. Crawl usually puts you laying on your stomach, so that'd need to flip sometimes. And generally just looks kinda strange in some instances.

Having a mod that tracks your body movement and puts the player model in the right position could be neat, but unnecessary. Especially since vr just has so many potential bugs, there's no way to anticipate everything.

Now the OTHER idea I have, thanks to Slimecicle lol.

So this clip has been on my mind for awhile. (I hope that actually works) And I gotta say, Charlie's king of random practical effects. Like I know most of what he does is short bits, but imagine putting your controller on a fan as a swinging blade attack or something! Like, there's a lot of ordinary objects that could serve an interesting purpose.

Like, walking up invisible stairs or something. Doing something different irl than in-game, for like a ghost character or insane character. Maybe an interdimensional being, in two places at once. That's something I would love to see in a series similar to Trapped. Taking that same basic concept - trapped in vr - and using that as an op/strange character.

Obviously, Trapped!Sabre was sort of that, clearly a fish out of water. But take it up a notch, and use the medium to its full potential! Or the opposite, doing the same irl as in game. Like eating an apple, so it's easier to, like, describe.

It could be interesting to have one of those fancy pain-receptor vests and like treadmill thing that lets you walk/run in place. But that might be excessive, it'd take a lot of effort AND money and may not be worthy.

BamBaeYoh did a "physical minecraft" video with the treadmill. I doubt it'd be better than good ol' acting. (Here: "I survived 7 days of physical minecraft")

But yeah. Like, maybe you setup boxes and things explicitly TO trip over, to make the character seemingly falling over nothing. Might not be good tho, since the headset and stuff could break. But like, also with multiple people/actors!! One with the headset, two with the controllers. So, like, maybe the Big Bad is torturing them, and dismembers their arms. I mean, hey, it's not a big stretch (hah, pun) from what you CAN do normally. Having a 2nd or even 3rd person there would let you use your arms while dismembered, basically. And make moving them easier than just. On the floor.

Like that's REALLY what I wanna try here. I already have a Trapped au where that happens, and it's not too hard to actually accomplish in-game. I wanna see what features/bugs/etc exist in minecraft vr, and use them for lore.

Thanks for reading my long ramble if you got allll the way down here ^^

[theguartist]

Saw the post that said "your parents are not narcissistic" and I feel I need to talk about it. TW abuse death

So yeah recently my therapist told me that my mother is a narcissistic psychopath. I knew she was a narcissist but I never knew she was psychopathic. A lot of my PTSD is from my upbringing, there was constant neglect and my low self-esteem is because of emotional neglect. While my dad isn't abusive and I get along with him well he is most probably autistic (I am as well but not as much as dad is) because he is for example not very good with feelings (when his father, my grandfather, died he stopped talking about him altogether). I constantly had severe vitamin deficiencies, practically had no enamel om my teeth because mother decided to not give us toothpaste, I frequently had massive tangles that had to be cut off because we had neither shampoo, balsam or hair brushes.

Father tried to get full custody but court went in favor of mother.

She frequently tells us of when she didn't feed my cat for several days like it is a funny story. Animal abuse is not funny. She constantly tells us of things we have "done wrong", like me having a tantrum in a grocery store when I was like 3. While she tells us of everything she has done in a positive light, like how she "deserves a medal" for raising us. I have severe mental issues because of her. Also my big sister have not talked to mom in well over 30 years because mom hit her. Mom thinks sis is the one in the wrong and have shown no remorse.

While I have been taking care of myself for many years and am physically well she keeps trying to control me. She constantly texts me asking for like "updates" and if I don't respond within a certain time she will call. She constantly wants me to visit her but for one I am severely allergic to her apartment and also I don't want to hear how bad of a person I am all the heckin' time.

Frankly I want to cut her out of my life but my big brother, my best friend in the whole world, lives with her. And I see the way she abuses him and am worried for his well-being.

[disturbnot]

— ALL IS VIOLENT, ALL IS BRIGHT

TIMESKIP ASH KETCHUM ; a quasi - oc. mutuals only. 21+. est. july 2013 — re-est. sept 2023 — fka ferociter. low activity / slow replies. lore / worldbuild heavy. crossover friendly / verses available ; no prior pkmn knowledge required ( this is my canon now ) reflecting all the stark contrasts between the coexisting horror and splendour of the pokémon world — broken realities, cosmic horror, a jagged deconstruction of protagonist syndrome, the absurdity of rebellion against immortality, and the indomitable power of connection.

— written and drawn ad infinitum by shan. ( 31 / any pronouns / GMT )

CARRD. COMMON KNOWLEDGE. VERSES. SPOTIFY. MUN.

BASICS

▸ hiiii. i'm shan. nice to meet you :) and if you're an old follower coming back? (kurtis conner vc) ✨ what's up, how's it going? it's very good to see you again, i hope you're doing well! ✨ ▸ nobody under the age of 21, please. i'm in my 30s, i have no business with teenagers. here's £5, go see a skibidi. ▸ no weirdos in general. or bigots or whatever. but i feel like that goes without saying these days. and please don't steal my stuff! all art on this blog is by me for the purpose of this general project and this blog only. ▸ otherwise, i like to believe i'm a pretty candid and easy-going person (well, besides the auDHD. i'm just a silly little guy); i'm not too easily bothered by things and i don't have any personal triggers, but i will always let you know if any kind of issue pops up :) ▸ general warnings apply for dark and mature content; there will probably be themes of (or at least allusions to) death, immortality, alcoholism/addiction, unreality, natural disasters, blood and violence, etc. i will tag things to the best of my ability, but if you need something specific tagged, just let me know. ▸ there will be occasional and tame nsfw here, usually on sundays. ash is nearly 40 and he looks and acts it; he's more like an oc simply sharing ash's name atp. anything zesty will be appropriately tagged and tucked under a readmore. ▸ i post ooc often but also tend to delete it afterward, so it's usually only ever temporary clutter on the dash. it's my blog anyway. i get to do the yapping. and i try not to take any of this stuff too seriously. i truly am out here just Saying Things.

INTERACTING

▸ this is a mutuals only blog; meaning i will only write and interact with mutual followers. i do tend to follow first if i find a blog i like, but if you don't want to follow back, i will usually unfollow after a couple of days to keep my dash trim! i also tend to be slow and selective with follow backs, in part because i am wary of overloading myself with too many potential ideas and friends at once; it's hard to split focus between too many people with all this golden retriever energy. ▸ i am SLOW. i work 42hrs a week, have my own place to maintain, unmedicated adhd, anemia, and a dear dad with alzheimer's i help take care of. i love rp, but it's not my be-all and end-all (despite the fact i still keep winding up here!) ▸ i am out of practice. it's been a very long time since i've been able to write prose consistently and i am a little rusty with things. your patience will sow interesting rewards, i hope. ▸ i'm usually juggling many convo threads and lose messages easily—double messaging is okay if you think i've missed something! ▸ i like others' ooc posts a lot; like a friendly nod so folks know i've seen them. if this isn't cool with you, let me know! ▸ i am very flexible when it comes to establishing crossovers and au verses! ash currently has verses for star trek, the boys, supernatural, RGG, fandomless, and other verses you can read more about here. ▸ i love shipping, but it's not the total focus of the blog; the chemistry and vibe has to be right, and ash is not always the easiest muse in the world to ship with, i will warn you in advance. still ... pspspspsps dare you to try your luck! (muses aged 25+ only!)

WISHLIST

watch this space :)c

[rodolfoparras]

I don't know what to do about my situation... I'm so confused and I have so many mixed feelings, I don't know how to TW this but if you can help me or give tips on how to get out of this then please do :((

--------------------------------------------------

I'm with this one person, (dating) but the thing is it was always an on and off relationship, starting when I was in like 12-13 ish?? But they were like 15-16?? And like they kept breaking up with me cause they kept losing feelings. And before that our relationship with each other was also confusing cause we grew up with eachother as cousins?? My dad had a gf (they are now broken up) but they were never married and (one of) her sister (s) had kids the I met them (they are the oldest of siblings) when i was 7 and they were 9-10 years old and when I was about 11-12...they were my first kiss....and like nothing extreme has happened within these years...just a few touching and photo sharing. (Mainly me sending photos, I wasn't pressured and all consensual)

I'm 18 and they are 21, but when I was 16 and they were 19 we started our relationship again (talking), and I don't know what to do, they are so much older than me and I want to date this other guy but I don't want to cheat on them but yes the relationship is legal. They never did anything to make me uncomfortable, I just don't know what to do it's so complicated

Does this count as grooming?? I don't know if it is but since I'm 18 now I don't know if it does or if it was when I was younger :(( I'm sorry for venting but it's causing me so much stress and I feel so confused and don't know what to do

Premising this by saying I’m just a dude on the internet writing smut but if there’s anything I can give some advice on it’s this bc I’ve seen similar things in real life

First of all it’s weird that a 15 / 16 year old kid found interest in a 12/13 year old and sure while it’s” just “3 years, at age 15/16, I started my very first year of high school I was eligible to practice drive different type of vehicles I could work summer jobs that were offered to hs students of that age, I believe I even was eligible those debit cards kids can use from age 16?-18

At age 12 I couldn’t even go into a store and buy myself an energy drink, at age 12 I hadn’t even entered puberty properly iykyk

It’s “just” 3 years but you’re at such different stages of life

Would you at your 18 years of age, date a 15 year old?

Now you’re like Alec it’s different we grew up together …so it’s less weird because you grew up together or is it considered something they used to their advantage? And while everything felt consensual does not mean that it was consensual an 11 year old cannot consent even if it’s to something simple as being kissed on the lips

Not only that but throughout the years you’ve had a tumultuous relationship bc they keep losing feelings

To me it’s like they know you’ll always be there, they use that to their advantage to do whatever they feel like doing and when that thing fizzes out they go back to you again

The issue here though isn’t the new guy and how you can be with him. Instead it’s to identify why you’re staying in your current relationship and how to be able to provide that factor for yourself

For example if you’re with this person to feel less lonely maybe you should figure out how to be on your own and not feel alone

If you think you wouldn’t have a shot with anyone else but this person maybe u should see how you could better the image you have of yourself

Because the truth is a new partner won’t break you out of old patterns this guy might as well be as bad as your current partner or he might up and leave your life all of a sudden, and for you to not go back to your old partner again you have to figure out how to feel happy without either of them

And sure while you might say I’m 18 now I’m sure my partner will figure their shit out in a year or two or I’ll figure my shit out eventually yeah sure but you’re giving your time to someone who doesn’t value it

Everyone in life is looking out for their own asses as we say in the Balkans doesn’t matter if it’s ur sibling or friend everyone will look after themselves you have to realize for each hour of each day week month year you’re putting up with this person, you’re sacrificing time effort etc that you’ll never get back, to someone who doesn’t value it all

[asteria7fics]

I see like no Wendy content😔🙏 can we pretty please have headcanons abt her😻

🏳️‍🌈 A sexuality headcanon

🏳️‍⚧️ A gender headcanon

🧸 A headcanon about their childhood

👻 A headcanon about what scares them

🎶 A headcanon about music

👽 A headcanon about a weird quirk of there

💝 A headcanon about their love language

🫂 A friendship headcanon

💔 An angsty headcanon

🪢 A headcanon about their family

📓 A headcanon about their hobbies

👗 A headcanon about their clothes

🔪 A headcanon relating to fighting/violence

🌟 A headcanon about their desires/wishes

🍫 A headcanon about food

🎭 A headcanon about what they lie about

❤️‍🔥 A romantic headcanon

💄 An appearance headcanon

🖕 A headcanon relating to anger

😬 A headcanon about the worst thing they’ve done

😶 A random headcanon

(I’m srry for giving u so many‼️) -😨

Wendy is SO under represented in the fandom!! Outside of her relationship with Stan at least, but I personally think she’s too interesting to be reduced to his future housewife (or just an obstacle for Kyle)!

Barely spoilers for EWILY under the cut, just including this in case anyone wants to go into the fic totally blind.

🏳️‍🌈 - Wendy is a severely closeted bisexual, with a strong preference for women. You’ll probably find that I head canon most of the kids as being either bi or pan, but with specific leanings to either end of the spectrum. Just some of my personal view on sexuality that I won’t get into here ahaha

🏳️‍⚧️ - Cis woman, though I do think she would lean into some degree of flexibility in her gender expression as she gets older.

🧸 - Wendy had a very happy and healthy childhood, all things considered. I do think she went through a phase of wanting a sibling when she was maybe 6 or 7, but filled that void pretty quickly via her friendship with Bebe.

👻 - Failure, and not being good enough. She’s constantly being made aware of what an uphill battle it will be to become a successful woman in our extremely patriarchal society, and she’s under a lot of pressure to prove herself. Truthfully, having to deal with Cartman has probably been great practice for her! But I think this fear also speaks to why she struggles to let Stan go; by not still trying to help him, she feels like she’s failing him.

🎶 - Though growing up Wendy listened to whatever was popular, as she’s gotten older her music taste has gotten a little pretentious. Lots of indie artists on her playlist, and I think she probably enjoys jazz and classical inspired sounds the most.

👽 - I’m not sure if it qualifies as a quirk, but Wendy does very few things casually. She’s the kind of person that will annotate a book she’s just meant to be reading for fun, with detailed analyses of the book’s themes and recurring metaphors.

💝 - Wendy is a mixture of quality time and acts of service. You may be able to gather why she and Stan break up so damn often.

🫂 - I think Wendy maintains friendships very well, and can jump social circles without much issue. However, her best friend in the whole world has been, and always will be Bebe. They’re pretty different people on the surface, but they have a bond that runs so deep it would be extremely painful to separate them.

💔 - She hides it fairly well behind a pretty smile and good grades, but Wendy is a MESS!! Like, if you guys think the Style angst in EWILY is rough, you just wait till I get around to writing Wendy’s side of the story. I-… don’t wanna say any more than that, heh.

🪢 - Wendy’s pretty close with her mom, but I think she’s not as close with her dad. Partially because he isn’t crazy about Stan (for understandable reasons) and partially because he strikes me as kind of a dick, in only the way that dads can be sometimes. They still love each other though, and their relationship will improve as she gets older.

📓 - I don’t get to explore this much in EWILY, but Wendy stays very busy! As I said previously she does read for fun, and she’s also a bit of a cinephile (something she and Stan bonded over, to an extent), but I also think she would participate in tons of other after school activities to keep herself occupied. Student government obviously, on top of cheerleading, field hockey, glee club, the list could go on. And of course, when she’s not doing all of that she’s hanging out with Bebe and the girls! Or Stan, I guess.

👗 - Dark academia queen, with a hint of twee I fear. Lots of pleated skirts and v-neck sweaters, Peter Pan collared dresses with tights, sensible sneakers or penny loafers. Hints of pinks and yellows, but her favorite color to wear is purple.

🔪 - Look, she can’t afford to get anything put on her permenant record so Wendy left her fighting days in elementary school. However she WOULD fuck a bitch up if tested, but nobody really messed with her after that whole fight with Cartman… and the, uh, entire war where she beat the shit outta several boys with her silly plastic sword.

🌟 - Wendy is very focused on proving herself, and I don’t think she truly stops to consider what it is she actually wants until she’s out of high school and able to thrive in a new and more comfortable environment. Her largest goal in life though is to make meaningful change that benefits humanity. Awww what a good kid.

🍫 - While not picky per se, Wendy does her best to be healthy. She’s a really athletic and busy person, so she gets up early to make herself a balanced breakfast and will sometimes bring her own lunch to school if what’s on the menu is particularly unhealthy. She does, however, never pass up Taco Tuesday.

🎭 - Being happy with Stan :-) And being straight :-)))))

❤️‍🔥 - As much as she tries to be highly logical, she’s a total hopeless romantic. Loves love, and loves to be in love. Sometimes it becomes a bit of a distraction for her, but she gets better at balancing these parts of her life with age.

💄 - I haven’t gotten a chance to post any of the sketches I’ve done of Wendy yet, but I picture her as being fair skinned with soft, delicate features. She’s pretty slender, and on the shorter side compared to the other girls. She also probably wears minimal makeup, maybe just some concealer to hide when she’s had a sleepless night. Oh, and she’s kept her hair pretty short ever since The Great Chop during The War of Trojans.

🖕 - Oooh Wendy is second only to Kyle in the anger department, let’s be so honest. And maybe Cartman? Though 9/10 times he’s the reason anyone’s pissed off in the first place, so we’re not counting him here. Wendy’s a passionate rager, meaning she gets pissed off about things that matter deeply to her, or when she sees blatant injustice in the world.

😬 - Aaahahaha, breaking Stan’s leg wasn’t great!! But, well, I think perhaps her most selfish move is yet to come. Stay tuned!

😶 - Sometimes when she’s sleeping alone she still cuddles with an old stuffed animal, especially when she’s feeling especially lonely (i.e. on the tail end of another messy breakup). She would never do this in front of anyone though, not even Bebe. She’s a little embarassed to show anything close to a sign of weakness, or a reminder that there’s still a little girl in her.

Whew!! Alright, I’m pretty sure I got them all, but let me know if I missed any! I really had to think about some of these, so thank you for giving me the chance to explore Wendy more than I’ve been able to!

Also, if you enjoy the way I write Wendy then hopefully you’ll enjoy a little something I’m cooking, just for her! (It’s in the crock pot though kids, slow cooking for as long as possible!)

Thank you for sending me more of these!!