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omegalomania · 3 years ago

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I think tumblr ate my ask or it just didn't sent but what are your favorite Bastille songs / what are some songs you recommend?

i did NOT get this ask im very sorry anon.

it's genuinely hard for me to narrow down cause bastille is pretty up there in terms of favorite artists. i love all their shit, but a special mention goes out to their second studio album wild world since it's the one that made me a Fan

uh so here's a primer i guess i spent too much time on this lmao.

if you wanna listen to their big hits:

flaws - their first single in the uk. if you ever listened to ship playlists on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 then you've probably heard this song or a variant on it at some point.

pompeii - this is the song that really put them on the map and you definitely know it. it dominated the charts all over the place.

happier - the marshmello song that you've definitely heard before too. i think bastille wrote this for justin bieber or some shit but then decided they liked it too much to give it to him? lmao. anyway if you're not digging the version you hear on the radio all the time i recommend trying the stripped down version

good grief - their big hit off their second album. big in the uk, didn't really make as many waves elsewhere, but it's a really solid song anyway. one of those "upbeat tunes that's actually really fucking sad" ones

things we lost in the fire - another one off their first album. if you live in a wildfire area this might not be one to turn to. or maybe you'll find it cathartic idk i certainly do!!

quarter past midnight - a song about escapism, as was fitting when it was released in 2018 and equally fitting now. running away for a night of fucking around with friends, craving any kind of brief departure from the chaos of the modern world

skulls - this one was not a hit or a single and is technically a bonus track but i'm including it because once again if you ever clicked on a ship playlist on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 you've heard this one. and you know what that was justified this one is also good

if you wanna feel existentially depressed:

their whole discography. i mean i kid but i also don't. that's just kind of how bastille does it. BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ones that hit me in particular would beeee

two evils - kind of a grim, haunting one introspecting about morality of the self.

oblivion - musing about the afterlife, love, and how time changes all of us.

those nights - contemplating what it is we seek when we plunge into reckless escapism, and the inherent loneliness of it; how even when surrounded by people there's still the pressure of the world outside, continuously coming to pieces

the draw - this one was written about the pull of pursuing a career in music vs. staying home with family and friends. in a broader sense, it can apply to a lot of things. i always felt it resonated with feelings of paranoia and displacement

winter of our youth - discusses childhood, nostalgia, and regret. if it feels like everything's slipping away, is it easier to relive the past, especially if the past is tinted rose?

sleepsong - loneliness, desperation, and the cyclical, abyss-like nature of all it encapsulates

if you want discussion of serious topics:

final hour - a bonus track off their second album that also became a bonus track off their third album? anyway this song talks about climate change and gun control. happy stuff

doom days - this one talks about, uh, everything! doomscrolling, political divides, escalating national tensions, climate change again, etc.

the currents - a song centered on political rhetoric and the power that figureheads have over the masses, the way they can orchestrate hate. basically it's not so subtly aimed at donald trump lmao, dan's literally sung it as much in a few live settings

WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? - social media addiction and the way capitalism and corporate interests have annexed our online experiences, fighting desperately for our attention as they seek to monetize every available aspect of our lives

four walls (the ballad of perry smith) - well this one is about uh. perry smith. who was charged with the death penalty for killing 4 people in the late 50's. but it's less directly about him and more a discussion of the morality of the death penalty and capital punishment

snakes - burgeoning anxieties and the impulse to turn to easy outs, like ignorance or alcoholism, to escape the world's global problems

if you want some pop culture sprinkled on top:

icarus - greek mythology. i like this one because it addresses something that i feel isn't addressed enough in discussions of this myth, which is that icarus is a very young lad. less about the pride of the fall, and more about the inherent tragedy of that.

laura palmer - the whole song is a david lynch shoutout. i've never seen twin peaks myself but the song still slaps.

daniel in the den - christian mythology. discusses the biblical tale of daniel in the lion's den and links that up to themes of betrayal and family.

poet - this one's a double feature, referencing both william shakespeare's sonnet 18 and edmund spencer's sonnet 75. also one of my favorites.

send them off! - this is another one of my favorites of theirs. it's also been described by dan as "othello meets the exorcist" and it very much delivers there

if you want something uplifting:

joy - while bastille (understandably) has a bit of reputation as a band that makes sad music about sad things, they've definitely got some happier songs in their catalogue. pun intended cha ching. this one's one of their more straightforwardly happy tunes

survivin' - this was a song they wrote while they were touring and then felt weird about releasing once the panini hit because it felt a bit on the nose. they ended up releasing it anyway and i am so glad they did cause it's a mood

act of kindness - the "happy" part here is debatable but i'm gonna include it anyway. it’s when someone does something nice for you and that impulse Changes you way down deep you know???

warmth - one of those "the world's going to shit but at least we have each other" kinds of tunes

the anchor - one of those "the world's going to shit but you're the one fucking thing that's still keeping me here" kinds of tunes

give me the future - their latest single as of this writing and one of the more optimistic tracks in their catalogue imo! it's yearning, but it's also with a genuine hope for the future.

and LASTLY. because im going to take every chance i can to plug this band. im going to throw some collabs and covers at you because there's one thing this band does SUPER well and it's collabs and covers.

of the night - this is the big one. it mashes up rhythm of the night by corona and rhythm is a dancer by SNAP! and it's so good they still do this one live and it goes off every time.

no angels - a mashup of "no scrubs" by TLC and "angels" by the xx, poured into a strangely mournful tune with clips from the hitchcock movie psycho. doesn't sound like it should work but it does. kinda really does.

torn apart - with GRADES and lizzo no less!!! it's got two parts but they're both excellent listen to them both

weapon - collab with angel haze, dan priddy, and F*U*G*Z and one of my absolute favorites

remains - remix of their song "skulls" but featuring rag'n'bone man and skunk anansie that adds an entire new dimension to the song, really fucking excellent

old town road mashup - lil nas x's old town road meets lizzo's good as hell meets radiohead's talk show host meets talking heads' road to nowhere meets the osmond's crazy horse. "what the fuck that shouldn't work" i KNOW and yet here it is!! BLATANTLY BANGING!!!

we can't stop - one of the few times dan smith subtly changes the lyrics of the song he's covering (most of the time he opts to keep the original pronouns and the like, which is very nice to see). anyway this one mixes miley cyrus's we can't stop with eminem's lose yourself and billy ray cyrus's achy breaky heart. and also the lion king's i just can't wait to be king is there. yes i know it sounds batshit especially because the whole thing is surprisingly melodic and heartfelt and you know what it works.

anyone but me x nightmares - mashing up joy crookes' anyone but me with easy life's nightmares and absolutely one of my favorites.

bad guy mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "bad" in the title? we've got bad guy (billie eilish), bad decisions (bastille), bad romance (lady gaga), and bad blood (taylor swift). bastille even has a song called bad blood and they didnt use it. they used taylor swift's version. also the distinctive guitar riff from dick dale's misirlou is there.

somebody mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "some" in the title? someone like you (adele), somebody told me (the killers), somebody to love (queen), use somebody (kings of leon), and someone you loved (lewis capaldi). seriously these guys take mashups to a new level.

final song - this is a cover of MØ's final song. it also adds in craig david's 7 days and, impossibly enough, europe's final countdown. how does it work. how.

ALL RIGHT. THATS ALL IVE GOT IN ME. HOPE THIS HELPED ANON AND IM SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH

#askin hours #anon #bastille #ill put this in the bastille tag why not #this is predominantly a fall out boy blog but if any bastille bloggers are out there....all like 20 of you....#i see the work u do in this fandom and i love u for it

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zer0comma · 5 years ago

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just wanna show my appreciation for gorillaz and my gratitude for them because they opened my eyes and ears to new different forms of art and genres of music. it's kinda long but ive been feeling a lot of love for damon and jamie recently so i had to write it down. before discovering them i never really cared about animated music videos. and even tho i draw, and i did enjoy watching them, i never really appreciated the hard work that was put into making them and just considered them as short cartoons that were made to catch your attention or some sort of a replacement when the artists weren't creative enough to film their own music videos (very stupid of me, i know. i was dumb and judgemental). it wasn't until i was 16 that i started to become more curious about the whole process of making animated videos and that started mainly because of gorillaz. for some reason i have always felt attracted to their music videos even tho i wasn't really into their music back then (i did enjoy some of their hits like clint eastwood, feel good inc and dare, but being the dumb and judgemental edgy, grunge lover teen that i was 3 years ago, i didn't allow myself to enjoy them). i remember reading the comments and seeing fans mention the characters and i was very intrigued by that. eventually, in april 2018, i decided to give them another shot. i was just getting out of my grungy and edgy phase even tho i still hated on anything that was released after the 90s. i kept listening to their singles and i was just blown away by the animation. how smooth and original and creative it was. how much it fitted the music even tho the storyline and the music weren't that connected. i was just fascinated and it was after listening to rhinestone eyes and looking at the storyboard that i started to realize that this band was very special, and the more i learned about them the more i started to appreciate all the time and energy and money and passion and love and devotion that have been put into this project. i started looking at a lot of pictures of the official art and i loved it a lot. it was so absurd at times, but also very unique and original and fun and lively. and what made me more interested was watching the bananaz documentary and seeing jamie hewlett work behind the scenes, and listening to the interviews that the animated band members did. i really, really liked how each character is different from the other and how interesting and unique and funny they were. reading rise of the ogre made me even more attached to them. it was during that time that my appreciation for animation started to grow. i started paying attention to all the small details that make animated videos so damn special. i started to appreciate it as a tool for entertainement and a tool for self expression. it was seriously a huge turning point for me, and i started watching a lot of different animated movies and most of the time they manage to blow me away. now let's talk about the music! i can never thank this band enough for making me get out of my comfort zone and give other music genres a listen. as i said, i was really into grunge (ironically, it was one of the main reasons why blur never made it in the us at the early 90s, but now im huge britpop fan), and i had this very wrong idea that rap music was bad, that pop music was trash, that keyboards and synths and electronic music in general didn't deserve a lot of praise because it wasn't played with loud electric guitars (im literally facepalming at my own stupidity rn, i was a very cringy 15 yo). i literally did not listen to anything else except nirvana for almost 2 years. discovering gorillaz (and later blur) completely changed my persepctive on music. it literally changed my life. i'm not even exaggerating. the year i discovered gorillaz, 2018, was the worst year of my entire life so far. and if it wasn't for the artists that i discovered thanks to gorillaz and the artists i finally allowed myself to enjoy after gorillaz changed the way i listen to music (like the strokes!), i would have done a lot of dark shit. anyway, back to gorillaz. at the beginning, i wasn't really into the songs that had rap features on them. i didn't like plastic beach that much because it was heavily influenced by electronic music. i didn't even listen to humanz. i was very selective when i was listening to their music at the beginning. but then i tried to push myself to give them another chance. i decided to listen to demon days without skipping a single song. i read a little bit about the record and what it was supposed to mean to put myself in the context of the album and i listened. my 1st listen didn't do much for me. it was during my 2nd listen however that i felt like my third eye just opened. i tried to pay attention to the lyrics, to put myself in the mood of the album, and that's when i started to understand the message the album was trying to convey and i started to emotionally connect to the music. i started to realize the importance of each of the guest artists. how honest the rap on dirt harry felt. how scary and powerful de la soul sounded on feel good inc. how smooth mf doom sounded on november has come. it was a wonderful moment. that's when i started to accept the fact that ITS OKAY to listen to anything that wasn't 90s noise rock. eventually the rest of their songs started growing on me and i found myself introduced to a lot of artists ive never heard of before. i'm currently listening to de la soul and i'm still mad at myself for not giving this kind of music a chance. last week i started listening to fatoumata diawara's discography after hearing her for the 1st time on désolé and i'm just blow away by how great she was. her music makes me emotional and ive been only listening for a week. also this may sound embarrassing, but being an african girl myself, a tunisian girl from north africa to be exact, i never learned to appreciate the music of my own country until last year, and it's basically because of damon albarn and his interest in african music. i know that having a white man encourage you to embrace your own culture is weird, but the main reasons why i decided to listen to our music again were as i mentioned before, damon's love for african music and my willingness to listen to different genres and styles thanks to gorillaz. i just want to thank damon and jamie and everyone who's been involved with the project. i know that the band has been facing some small issues related to the storyline and the consistency of their music but that doesn't stop them for continuing to be an inspiration not only for me but for hundreds of thousands of people over the globe. i'm just very grateful for their existence and i wish them nothing but the best because they truly changed my life for the better.

#i am emotional #i always am when im talking about music #but today is kinda exceptional #i love them so much it's insane #i kinda stopped following them for a while but now im back and my love for them is even bigger #which inspired me write this #gorillaz #damon albarn #mp #my thoughts

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ofelvie · 5 years ago

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joe keery. cis male. he/him. ／ elvie croft just pulled up blasting spooky boy by danny gonzalez — that song is so them ! you know, for a twenty - four year old youtuber, i’ve heard they’re really scatterbrained, but that they make up for it by being so loyal. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say 80s horror, buckets of halloween candy, and blurry photographs of mysterious figures in the woods. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble ! ( sam, 23, est, she/her )

hey there demons! *ba dum tss* my name is sam and i’ll be writing elvie, a brilliant harvard law graduate who threw away any shred of credibility he ever had in order to make silly videos on the internet. more info under the cut. feel free to message me if you would like to plot!

i. stats

𝖋𝖚𝖑𝖑 𝖓𝖆𝖒𝖊: elvin tupelo croft

𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖋𝖊𝖗𝖗𝖊𝖉 𝖓𝖆𝖒𝖊𝖘: el, elvie, the ghost guy

𝖍𝖔𝖒𝖊𝖙𝖔𝖜𝖓: salem, massachusetts

𝖉𝖆𝖙𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖇𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖍: october 31, 1995

𝖟𝖔𝖉𝖎𝖆𝖈: scorpio

𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓: demisexual

𝖔𝖈𝖈𝖚𝖕𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓: lawyer youtuber

𝖕𝖔𝖘. 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖎𝖙𝖘: loyal, open - minded, exuberant.

𝖓𝖊𝖌. 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖎𝖙𝖘: scatterbrained, obstreperous, impulsive.

𝖎𝖓𝖘𝖕𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖉 𝖇𝖞: shawn spencer, psych ; fox mulder, the x files ; stiles stilinski, teen wolf.

ii. history

elvin tupelo “elvie” croft was born in salem, massachusetts ( yes, really ) on halloween day ( yes, really ). an only child, his father is the district attorney for essex county, massachusetts while his mother owns a store in town that sells witchcraft supplies such as crystals, herbs, grimiores, etc. fun fact: she’s the descendant of an accused witch, meaning that elvie is as well.

as it turns out, beneath of the surface of the few tourist attractions that it has to offer, salem has a small town, stuck in the past vibe. it’s the sort of place where everyone knows everyone all their lives because no one ever leaves and no one ever moves in. he grew up in this...eccentric...environment, living in the same house all his life and only ever leaving to visit his grandparents in boston.

he was five years old when he saw his first horror movie ( an apathetic teenage babysitter let him stay up long past his bedtime to watch nightmare on elm street ) and from that moment on he was HOOKED.

when he started school, two things about him became apparent: 1) he was highly intelligent and 2) he struggled greatly with tasks such as sitting still and staying focused. he was tested, and it turns out that he has a through the roof genius level iq and he also has adhd, which he was put on a few different medications for until something finally seemed to work for him.

he could have been one of those child prodigies who finished high school at the age of ten and then college at the age of fourteen, BUT his parents decided that they didn’t want him to miss out on the experience of going through school with people his own age.

as the smartest kid in class with glasses and braces and an insatiable obsession with all things horror and halloween, he…was picked on. mercilessly.

so, he didn’t really have any friends...............................at all.................................but he didn’t mind. he was perfectly content to go right home after school and spend the rest of the day reading comic books or watching horror movies or researching local urban legends and paranormal stories.

he started his youtube channel when he was a teenager and it was…trash honestly. it was basically buzzfeed unsolved if buzzfeed unsolved consisted of one ( 1 ) dorky teenager yelling at the air in the middle of abandoned house at 3am, but it turned out that people found it entertaining. his first few videos were flops, but he would soon start amassing subscribers in the hundreds, then thousands, then hundreds of thousands.

so, when he got to his senior year of high school, he was a shoe - in to be named class valedictorian ( he was ) and he was even getting ivy league offers. at the same time, his youtube channel was starting to gain momentum. his parents mainly his father were really pushing him to attend college and elvie, genius level iq and all…didn’t want to go. he wanted to focus on his youtube channel, but his dad was absolutely not having it.

he attended harvard for both his pre law and law school studies, breezed through classes, graduated with honors at the top of his class and once he passed the bar exam there were countless job offers waiting for him. elvie ignored them all and moved to los angeles so that he could finally focus on his youtube channel.

it’s been almost two years since he moved and he likes it in california!

iii. extras

his name is elvin but basically no one ever calls him that. his own parents don’t even particularly like the name. long story. most people call him elvie and some who are super close to him just call him el.

while he is the “ryan” aka the believer of his youtube series, he’s definitely NOT a scaredy cat like ryan the poor guy. in fact, all his life there’s been this running joke that HE DOESN’T SEEM TO BE SCARED OF ANYTHING, and who knows? maybe he isn’t.

has the most cartoonishly exaggerated boston accent that one could ever hope to hear, except he doesn’t seem to realize it at all.

10/31 blaze it he’s a HUGE stoner.

he’s got jokes. stay vigilant.

he’s OBSESSED with all things horror, halloween, and 80s. he makes a lot of film references that are often so obscure that most people don’t even catch them.

he is legally permitted to practice law in the states of massachusetts and california, so basically: he’s a lawyer! however, this is not at all common knowledge because...

most people don’t know how smart he actually is because he intentionally plays dumb and he’s really good at it. being high all the time and his natural chaotic energy is quite helpful in hiding his intelligence. he just doesn’t like to be seen as smart, so the whole once - brilliant law student thing? not common knowledge whatsoever. he tries not to mention the college he attended by name at all, but if he has to then he lies and says that he went to salem state.

and yes, he has SO MUCH chaotic energy. he’s the kind of person who will stick a fork in his microwave just to see what would happen out of sheer boredom. he has two pet mexican redknee tarantulas that probably aren’t even allowed on campus named freddy and jason who he just…fucking loses track of every other day. his favorite drink is literally black coffee mixed together with a can of monster energy and 5 ( f i v e ) teaspoons of sugar. he is c h a o s. he has absolutely NO IMPULSE CONTROL whatsoever.

he has slight Daddy Issues™. slight. when he was born, his dad was hoping that he would get a star athlete kid who would go on to follow in his footsteps and one day become a successful, respectable lawyer but instead he got…elvie. he’s never outright said that he’s disappointed but he didn’t need to. elvie’s a really difficult person to rattle but every time, without fail, he ends a phone call with his dad and he’s in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

his car is this PIECE OF JUNK giant turquoise van that he painted to look like the mystery machine. her name is laurie strode.

even though he makes constant pop culture references about horror movies and the 80s, but outside of those areas he’s completely clueless about pop culture. like, he can recite the entire scripts of the shining and empire strikes back and ferris bueller’s day off word for word, but if someone tried to talk to him about the new post malone song or the latest marvel movie he would just stare blankly.

he has a HUGE sweet tooth. his favorite food is halloween candy and his favorite candy is black licorice disgusting i know.

he takes adderall for his adhd and he’s usually good about keeping up with it. started keeping them on his person in college because he realized that his meds were getting stolen and it’s a habit he's held onto that doesn’t really keep his shit from getting stolen.

.he’s good at…A LOT of things because he’s a really fast learner. he can play the guitar, he can draw, he did drama in high school. he just has to watch someone do something once and then he can usually immediately do it himself. this skill doesn’t extend to physical activities such as sports, however. he’s terrible at those.

he’s basically a cartoon character

iv. wanted connections

friends

cousin ( their grandparents would probably be from boston but otherwise anything really goes for this )

his weed dealer lmao

smoking buddies

people who don’t like him / find him annoying

has stolen his adderall

maybe someone who knows how smart he really is

exes and flings

( these are just ideas and i’m trash at coming up with these, so please don’t feel limited by what’s listed here. )

#excess:intro #drugs tw #medication tw #that one picture of oscar isaac.jpeg

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devinsfm · 5 years ago

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joe keery. cis male. he/him. ／ jack devin just pulled up blasting video killed the radio star by the buggles — that song is so them ! you know, for a twenty - four year old radio show host, i’ve heard they’re really impulsive, but that they make up for it by being so captivating. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say obscure vintage horror comics, blurry photographs of mysterious figures in the woods, and vivid descriptions of spine - chilling tales . here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble ! ( sam, 23, est, she/her )

hey there, demons ! *ba tum tss* i’m sam and i never do this, but i really felt like it was time for a change, so i drew lots of inspiration from some of my favorite ocs and i love what i’ve come up with ! character info is under the cut and please feel free to message me if you would like to plot !

i. stats

𝔣𝔲𝔩𝔩 𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢: jackson willard devin

𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔣𝔢𝔯𝔯𝔢𝔡 𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔰: jack, spooky guy, the night watchman

𝔥𝔬𝔪𝔢𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔫: salem, massachusetts

𝔡𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔟𝔦𝔯𝔱𝔥: ocotber 31st, 1995

𝔷𝔬𝔡𝔦𝔞𝔠: scorpio

𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫: demisexual

𝔬𝔠𝔠𝔲𝔭𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫: host of the graveyard shift, a radio program airing every weeknight from 12am to 5am

𝔭𝔬𝔰. 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔰: captivating, witty, resolute.

𝔫𝔢𝔤. 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔰: impulsive, gauche, naive.

ii. history

jackson willard “jack” devin was born on halloween day ( yes, really ) in salem massachusetts ( yes, really ). his mother stayed home with him as he was growing up while his father is a boston cop turned sheriff of the county and he’s an only child.

outside of the popular tourist spots, his hometown has a very close - knit, stuck in the 80s vibe. it’s the sort of place where everyone knows everyone for their entire lives because no one ever leaves and no one new ever moves in. phone and internet signals are nearly impossible to come by, so the local arcade and the video store still have quite a booming business in the year 2020. jack grew up in a not - so - typical small town suburban gothic environment, his dad’s income being just enough for them to get by every month.

he was an energetic kid who cycled through all sorts of interests, trying out everything from little league ( disaster ) to music lessons ( not as much of a disaster, but he wound up getting bored of it ). nothing seemed to really stick until he got his first horror comic : a vintage issue of tales from the crypt with tattered, yellowing pages. he was five years old and paid five cents for it at an elderly neighbor’s yard sale and from that moment on he was hooked. it started with the comics, but he quickly expanded his horizons to movies, books, and television in the genre of horror.

he got intro drawing and that was the only thing besides his newfound interest in horror that he could sit still for. at first he would just try to re - draw the panels in his comic books, but soon he was drawing anything and everything that caught his interest and he was getting good. he was being homeschooled by his mother at the time, but once friends and family and, well, everyone took notice of his skill, they were encouraging his parents to nurture his talent.

his parents fought about it. his dad didn’t see the value in his skill and wanted him to instead focus on academics, aspiring towards his son one day becoming a lawyer or a businessman or even following in his footsteps. jack never wanted that for himself. he was homeschooled by his mom up until then and she believed in him. it was with her blessing that he would go to a real school for the first time at the age of fourteen, starting off his freshman year at a high school that was a thirty minute train ride away in boston and catered exclusively to youth who demonstrated an exceptional talent in some area of the fine arts.

jack did well in school, but his grades probably would have been a lot better still if he didn’t start purposely acting out as his relationship with his dad got worse and worse. he started skipping classes, getting caught trespassing in cemeteries at 2am, and smoking a lot of weed.

when it came time for college, jack planned to attend art school. he swears he did. he looked a few schools on the west coast to get away from his dad for a few years yikes and planned to apply, but on the deadline date he got so high that he forgot to submit his portfolios. yes, really.

he loaded up his van ( a turquiose monstrosity he painted to look like the mystery machine ) and headed out to california anyway after telling his parents that he would be attending UCLA. of course, they quickly found it that it was a lie and his dad was furious. the two got into a huge fight over the phone and things were said. the result is that jack and his father haven’t spoken to each other ever since.

he did lots of odd jobs while he was on the road and basically lived in his van, which didn’t change right away when he decided to settle in LA, but he eventually got a job fetching coffee for the late night employees at a local radio station.

it was the typical, cliché story : the regular late night host called out of work at the last minute, there was no one else around and they were going to be on air in ten seconds. jack was thrown in front of the microphone and told to think fast !

he did, and the listeners loved him for it. whether it was his ramblings about horror movies or his thick boston accent or his reckless use of swear words on live radio, he turned out to be a massive hit. the successful night earned him a gig as an occasional substitute deejay, and with each broadcast he grew more and more popular, and about two years ago he was finally given his own program.

the graveyard shift is a radio program that airs every weeknight from 12am - 5am in the los angeles area and on apps such as iheartradio. jack hosts the show as his ( thinly veiled ) alter ego the night watchmen and discusses topics such as the paranormal, conspiracy theories, and all things horror. it’s one of the most popular programs of the time slot in the country.

it’s something that he never expected or picturing himself doing, but now he can’t imagine doing anything else. he’s become really passionate about revitalizing the field and bringing radio into the 21st century. he signed a HUGE contract with the studio when his show first started and now he’s a quite well known radio personality in the area and across the country.

iii. extras

huge stoner. high as fuck 90% of the time, and the other 10% of the time he’s probably still high, just not as fuck.

well known for his on air antics. he’ll light a joint in the middle of his radio show, he’ll prank call a friend and broadcast it to the entire city, he’ll curse in every single sentence and skate by on the after hours excuse when he’s reprimanded for it. he’s so outlandish and bizarre and like nothing that’s ever been heard on the radio before, and it just draws people in.

he often seems shy in person, but it’s more like he’s just a little socially awkward, something which also shines through in occasional non - malicious but blunt remarks and general lack of regard for what people think of him. he really just...doesn’t care.

genuinely seems to believe it’s either halloween day and / or the year 1986 at any given moment as that’s about as recent as his pop culture references get. he’s never heard of the k*rdashians, he doesn’t know what the mcu is, and the phrase yeet means absolutely nothing to him. mention any of it to him and he’ll just stare blankly bc he honestly doesn’t have a clue.

HOWEVER, he did start the area 51 meme from last summer. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

still draws. especially if he has to still for a stretch of time, then he’ll take out his latest sketchbook ( he goes through a lot of them ) and start doodling. he’s still quite good, mostly in his favored comic - esque style.

BIG CHAOTIC ENERGY and ZERO IMPULSE CONTROL

a chatterbox with friends but don’t be fooled...he’s been giving his own dad the silent treatment for almost seven ( 7 ) years now. it’s his preferred method of expressing anger towards someone because he isn’t really a fan of confrontation, but he’s maybe a liiiittle bit stubborn.

most of the time he’s a really easygoing person, a good friend and very loyal to the people he cares about. well - meaning, not the best at advice but he’s more likely to try and cheer a person up anyway.

he has a pet pied ball python named the crypt keeper ( tkc for short ) who he sometimes just carries with him because he likes to just chill wrapped around jack’s hand and arm.

iv. wanted connections

maternal or paternal cousins ( their grandparents probably live in boston or new england but otherwise anything goes for this )

close friends

friends

guests on his radio show

fans / haters of his radio show

people who don’t like him / find him annoying

exes ( 1 - 2, can be on good or bad terms )

“casually dating” but it might get real complicated soon - allie james

( these are just ideas and i’m trash at coming up with stuff, so please don’t feel limited by what’s listed here. )

#excess:intro #drugs tw #i decided that i needed something new but i just ''created'' this ''new character'' instead #countdown until i mess up his name has officially begun

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youdidwelljonghyun · 4 years ago

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I haven’t been using this app much since I joined stan twit but I need to speak on this bc it’s important:

NCT, Exo, Taemin and SM Entertainment on a whole are a fucking disappointment. BLM has been the number one topic on social media across the world for about a week now. I’ve seen countless Korean artistes speak up in support. I’ve seen artistes post their donations. I’ve seen BM go on insta live and discuss his experiences with cops and how black people have to live in fear despite being innocent. I’ve seen Crush talk about how Korean pop music is built on black culture & there would be no Kpop, kr&b or khiphop without black culture. Ive seen Got7’s mark donate $7000 to the cause. I’ve seen a 2 month old rookie group’s member get all her socials deleted because she had the balls and the decency to support BLM on her platform. I’ve seen KBS in America covering the riots. I’ve seen Korean civilans speak up about BLM, supporting and explaining the situation in both Korean and English, I’ve seen Yeri post in support on her Instagram.

AND YET. NCTzens had to BEG, and when I say B E G. We were flooding 127’s twitter mentions, lysn and Instagram BEGGiNG them to post in support of BLM, just so they could use their platform to influence followers to support. For DAYS. We had to beg these men who: 3 of them lived in the US for extended periods, one is FROM CHICAGO where much of the rioting is taking place. They are ALWAYS talking about how they’re a global group. 127 has toured across the US multiple times. They regularly interact with international fans. Their intl fanbase has likely made them more revenue than their Korean fanbase. In fact, I’d argue that 127’s current level of popularity is mostly due to their American fans, & I’m not even American. Just last week we rallied together for DAYS to defend Jaehyun from those disgusting Kfans. Yet they only responded after over 24 hours of begging them, and when they did, ONE member posted something without even including a donation link or saying anything truly substantial... the member that is literally American. His post was basically a “fine, here it is since you won’t stop bugging me about this!”. I saw many fans begging them to “open their purses” and show how much they donated, which I don’t think is necessary— but at LEAST POST A GODDAMN DONATION LINK. Do you know how many fans would mirror your actions? Even with the lame post Johnny made, countless fans were asking where they can donate. Do you SEE HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO USE YOUR PLATFORM?? Then Ten posted that random black square. No caption, no nothing. Anyone who doesn’t know about BLM won’t know what the fuck it’s for. I saw comments asking what it was about and making jokes. I am so fucking disappointed in these men for doing the bare minimum when they have a massive platform, they have received support from thousands of black fans and they make a huge chunk of their money off of American tours, NOT TO MENTION black music is the blueprint for Kpop. They always talk about what black artiste’s music they love, but they are damn near fucking silent about the innocent black people being murdered worldwide.

Exo is a fucking joke. Kai, Chanyeol Baekhyun and Sehun regularly post on their socials— kai did a live a few days ago, Chanyeol has posted several NNG videos, Baek has been doing lives/menpas and yet neither of them can be assed to say oh, btw black lives matter and here’s a donation link so u can help support too. Lay has also been promoting constantly, he’s had a comeback and dropped an MV a few days ago, and yet???

They may have very well donated in private— I acknowledge that. But they could do SO MUCH for the black community by simply making a post in support with a donation link, that would cost them literally nothing. So why haven’t they done so?? They must not care enough to— because trust me, fans have been asking. Exo and NCT’s lysn board have been spammed with fans begging for support, giving them donation links to share and explaining the situation. I feel a little entitled, demanding anything from someone I don’t personally know, but then I realize that it would take almost no effort on their part, and that they would be giving back to the very community that allowed kpop’s very existence, not to mention supporting their millions of black fans around the world. I see many people saying that this is an “American issue” and “no one asks celebrities to donate when other people are suffering”. If you think that is an excuse then you are a part of the problem. 1. Black people exist all over the world, they are discriminated against and brutalized worldwide. 2. I have seen Americans lobbying and pushing for global causes countless times on social media. Just the other day American Kpop fans helped trend the Nth room case, translating articles and spreading awareness. I was one of those fans.

As for SM Entertainment, the company that likely employs more black producers than any other in Korea, they have 100% ignored the BLM movement on ALL platforms; they have done NOTHING. Monsta X, Ateez and BTS have all officially posted on their group accounts that they stand with BLM and they support the cause, yet SM cannot be assed to do a goddamn thing except exploit black culture and use Americans as ATM machines. I heard they were sending TEXTS to American fans about a COMEBACK (or something??) in the midst of all the rioting. The funny thing is, it’s a pattern— SM never gives a flying fuck about American fans. All they do is coddle kfans and indulge in their delusional fantasies, making Jaehyun write a fucking apology letter for eating some food because kfans threw a tantrum and placating kfans when they got salty about Superhuman promotions. WHERE EVEN IS SUPER M??? THE GROUP THAT LITERALLT DEBUTED IN THE US LMFAOOOOO. LITERAL SILENCE.

I just made this post to say that I, as a black fan, can’t continue to go out on a limb for, to stan, to defend and trend hashtags for, to leave encouraging lysn messages for, artistes who don’t give enough of a fuck that my people are dying to make a genuinely supportive post with a donation link. That is THE BARE MINIMUM. We aren’t asking them to go out on the streets and protest. I cannot do it anymore. As a black fan, there have always been things we have to speak out about more than any other fan group, there have always been things we’ve had to overlook. But I’m fucking done with this shit. I’m done streaming and voting and watching their videos. They don’t deserve my support one bit. I see their pictures on my timeline and I just feel empty— I mean, they really don’t give a fuck about us at all. Lots of times we’ve reconciled with the fact that Korea as a whole is pretty racist towards black people, but we think the best of our favs and assume that because they have so many black fans they must feel differently and have more of an open mind— HA. And I was never the fan who expected that idols love us as much as we love them, but for you to sit there and profit from our culture and our support, but be unable to open your mouths or make a single Instagram post when we’re being killed...

#BLM #KPOP #nct127 #exo #sm entertainment #sment #i spoke about these members/groups in particular because they were/are MY favs #and i am disappointed in them because i expected better #im not going to drag anyone in the military so the rest of SHINee gets a pass #Taemin rarely uses social media so I am inclined to let him off easy but I want to hold them all to the same standard #imo silence means youve chosen the side of the oppressor in this situation

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devinfm · 5 years ago

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hey there, demons! *ba tum tss* i’m sam and i also write parker ( @prkrfm ) which is the best place to contact me for plotting!

i. stats

𝔣𝔲𝔩𝔩 𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢: jackson willard devin

𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔣𝔢𝔯𝔯𝔢𝔡 𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔰: jack, spooky guy, the night watchman

𝔥𝔬𝔪𝔢𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔫: salem, massachusetts

𝔡𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔟𝔦𝔯𝔱𝔥: ocotber 31st, 1995

𝔷𝔬𝔡𝔦𝔞𝔠: scorpio

𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫: demisexual

𝔬𝔠𝔠𝔲𝔭𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫: host of the graveyard shift, a radio program airing every weeknight from 12am to 5am

𝔭𝔬𝔰. 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔰: captivating, witty, resolute.

𝔫𝔢𝔤. 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔰: impulsive, gauche, naive.

ii. history

the graveyard shift is a radio program that airs every weeknight from 12am - 5am in the los angeles area and on apps such as iheartradio. jack hosts the show as his ( thinly veiled ) alter ego the night watchman and discusses topics such as the paranormal, conspiracy theories, and all things horror. it’s one of the most popular programs of the time slot in the country.

iii. extras

huge stoner. high as fuck 90% of the time, and the other 10% of the time he’s probably still high, just not as fuck.

HOWEVER, he did start the area 51 meme from last summer. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

BIG CHAOTIC ENERGY and ZERO IMPULSE CONTROL

a chatterbox with friends but don’t be fooled…he’s been giving his own dad the silent treatment for almost seven ( 7 ) years now. it’s his preferred method of expressing anger towards someone because he isn’t really a fan of confrontation, but he’s maybe a liiiittle bit stubborn.

he has a pet pied ball python named the crypt keeper ( tkc for short ) who he sometimes just carries with him because he likes to just chill wrapped around jack’s hand and arm.

iv. wanted connections

maternal or paternal cousins ( their grandparents probably live in boston or new england but otherwise anything goes for this )

close friends

friends

guests on his radio show

fans / haters of his radio show

people who don’t like him / find him annoying

exes ( 1 - 2, can be on good or bad terms )

“casually dating” but it might get real complicated soon - allie james

( these are just ideas and i’m trash at coming up with stuff, so please don’t feel limited by what’s listed here. )

#excess:intro #just posting for reference!

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ertrunkenerwassergeist · 5 years ago

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Dreams of Our Past - Chapter 27

*flails around* The chapter is done! It’s the second longest so far and the second half was fighting me until the end. But I prevailed! Here’s the Link to AO3.

In which Gladio invites Ignis to dinner and he finds a dearly missed person because of Iris.

Featuring: Ignis' brand of awkwardness, the starscourge, the tempers of Gladio and Hiemi, Noctis being so very close to a mental breakdown and Somnus and Bahamut being dicks through history

Warning: vomiting, mentioned child murder

Gladio IV

8.5.755 ME

Insomnia, Ghetto

Kingdom of Lucis

The days since their meeting at the Black Saffron had been nerve wrecking and uneventful. It grated on him like nothing else. He had thought, after they had all finally decided – more or less, he was aware enough to admit – on a course of action, things would start to move again. They hadn't. And Gladio didn't like it. At all.

He stood near the door to the pitiful office of Camp No. 5 and watched the people mingling about. More specifically was he watching Prompto, who sat grinning like a loon on a camping bed, a laptop in his lap and... did something while a group of people watched over his shoulder. Gladio really hoped the blond didn't play some kind of game. He was supposed to search through the pictures he had taken over the last few days and upload them on a dummy account by the end of the day.

Here was to hoping the whole crazy plan was going to work. It was a shame Pelna wasn't here right now, but he had finally found the time to talk to his contacts, and had gone to get the ball rolling on that whole facial recognition thing.

It wasn't that things weren't being done, really, it was just that they were moving along so slowly.

Gladio felt like he was treading on the spot, not moving forward no matter how much he wished to. It was frustrating beyond belief.

Before he realized what he was doing, he had fished his phone out of he pocket and weighted it in his hand. It couldn't hurt to call Ignis, making sure the man didn't overwork himself like he was prone to do. Maybe he had managed to find something that would help Gladio figure out what he could be doing in this stinking mess. Not that is was very likely, but a man could hope.

The phone rang once, twice, then a click sounded and a cultured voice drifted through the speaker: “Good morning Gladio. Was there something you needed?”

“Barely morning anymore, Ignis”, the older snorted.

A non-committal hum could be heard. The former advisor could be very peculiar about his greetings. A voice sounded in the background on Ignis' side. It was decidedly feminine, even if Gladio couldn't make out any words.

“Oh no, it's perfectly alright, Miss Aster. I am talking to a friend. Thank you for your wonderful help”, Ignis said.

Gladio couldn't help the grin blooming on his face. “Should I call you later, lover boy?”

Ignis gave an undignified snort. “I am at work, Gladio”, he said, stressing the word work like that was the important part. “Miss Aster is a secretary within the Ministry for Civic Affairs and Immigration. I met her yesterday, when I was looking into how far along they are with evaluating the houses in the Immigration District for damages. Apparently there seems to be a filing issue of some sort. Miss Aster has been looking into it since it came to her attention. She says it goes against her pride to have messy paperwork.”

“Tampering?” Gladio couldn't help but ask.

“Very likely.”

“Damn.”

“Whoever did it was very careful. The papers are listed as filed, they obviously went over all the right desks, but they aren't where they should be. I have never seen this amount of misfiling in my entire life.” Ignis' obvious indignation would be funny, if the situation wasn't so serious. “Mrs. Custodela cannot help us with this. She has her hands already full trying to keep abreast with the camps she is looking over. After this, would you please call Camp 7 for me? Mrs. Custodela has found a plumber who is free and can take a look at their showers.”

Something in the pipes in the showers of Camp 7 had broken and now the water there had turned a muddy brown. It couldn't be very healthy.

“That's good. I'll do that. Anything else?”

“Make sure to note down who is using the vehicles you got provided with, and where they drove and how long it took to get there. Certain people have been making noise about rationing petrol. Records of the use of the vans you have at your disposal would go a long way to work against this”, said Ignis after a few moments of consideration.

Gladio jerked in disbelief. “Rationing petrol? That's bullshit! The oil production in Leide is still under Insomnian control.”

“I know, Gladio. Believe me, I know.”

“Fuck, this whole situation is a stinking mess”, he complained and carded a hand through his hair.

I need a shower, he thought with a grimace. Ignis didn't answer. He didn't need to. Somewhere in the hall a baby started to cry, followed shortly by a second. Gladio sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose. He needed to get out of here. At least for an evening. Breath some air that didn't smell of exhaust fumes or like too many sweaty people cramped into a place too small.

“How... how is Iris doing?” Ignis sounded like he wasn't sure at all, if he should even ask.

“She's not doing worse for now”, he choked out, his stomach plummeting like it was suddenly filled with lead.

“Gladio. I am- I'm so sorry.”

That sentence sounded heavy. Full of hidden meanings and implications and Gladio didn't want to hear any of it.

“Don't you dare talk like she's dead already! Because she's still very much alive”, he snapped.

A tightly controlled intake of breath sounded over the speaker. Gladio couldn't muster the will to feel bad about it. Iris wasn't dead and she wouldn't die. He was her older brother and he would protect her, damn it!She was barely fourteen, for Bahamut's sake.

“You are right, Gladio. I apologize”, Ignis said after a maybe too long pause.

“It's alright”, he sighed and deflated.

No, it wasn't alright, not at all. But Ignis was a friend – or had been a friend once – and he didn't deserve this. Pitioss, Iris didn't deserve this most of all. Why ever were the Gods punishing her like that? It had to stop.

He cleared his throat and asked awkwardly: “I'm going back home for the night to spend some time with her. Do you want to come over for dinner? Iris would love to see you again.”

“If you are sure.”

Ignis sounded so high-strung that Gladio just knew he was feeling as awkward as he himself was.

“Don't worry. I wouldn't ask, if I wasn't.”

“Then I will gladly come. Which time would be most convenient?”

“We normally eat around six since Iris gets tired early”, Gladio shrugged.

Ignis hummed in thought. “Five thirty then.”

“Fine by me”, he answered after mentally running through his to-do list again. “Just... be gentle with her, alright?”

“Of course, Gladio”, agreed Ignis. “I need to go back to work.”

“Ah, yes. Yes, of course. I'll see you later.”

“Until later.”

The call disconnected. Gladio listened to the silence of his phone for a few seconds before he sighed and lowered it from his ear to stare at it. Social graces and impulse control. He needed to work on his temper more. But for now he had a few calls to make. First Camp 7 about that plumber and then Jared to tell him that he and Ignis would be there for dinner. He had been trying to come every evening since the earthquake happened, but he hadn't always managed it.

On his first call he managed to reach Libertus who sounded just as grouchy as he had expected the man to be. Gladio had to bite the inside of his cheek as to not snap back. Instead he managed to make his way through the conversation with all the grace of a garula in a china store. Luckily Libertus didn't seem to notice. Something about two feuding Clans in one room, he had heard Crowe and Pelna say.

His second call went a bit better. He could practically hear the retainer smile as he announced his and Ignis' presence for dinner.

Now he could go outside and see how far along Tredd and Crowe were with checking over the newest delivery. Then there would be another round of phone calls between Centres 4 through 8 to see who was lacking what and to pool their resources. After lunch he would write out new timetables for those who had volunteered for various duties around here. And he would need to find someone who had experience with the whole giving birth thing, since one of the women here looked just about ready to pop.

Dinner could have been definitely worse. It had been decidedly awkward, but between Ignis practically doting on Iris within the first few minutes of his arrival and Jared's efforts to keep the conversation flowing, it had been a very pleasant meal. Everything had been fine, Iris had been laughing and moving around more than she had in weeks and Ignis had been sharing recipes with Jared.

He should have known that this wasn't going to last. Nothing good had for a long time now.

The screaming woke Gladio in the middle of the night. It took his sleep addled brain long precious seconds to realize that they were coming from his sister's room. He practically leapt out of bed and ran into her room that thankfully was right next to his. Light spilled into the dark room and for a moment his sister's shadow seemed to froth and seethe, but Gladio ignored it in search of any attackers that he could painfully eviscerate.

No one was there. No one but Iris and him.

Her screaming stopped once she saw him.

“Gladdy”, she whimpered and reached out towards him.

The sleeves of her pyjama slid back and exposed dark splotched on her skin that hadn't been there during dinner. A thin line of blood trickled down from the corner of her mouth. It was black.

“Iris!” he cried and lunged towards her, cradling her small form carefully against his muscled chest.

“Gladdy, it hurts. It hurts so much.”

She grasped weakly at his arms, sobbing. Then she went limp, her breath coming in nothing but weak bursts that ghosted over the naked skin above his collar bone.

“No”, he breathed. Desperation roared in his chest like a wild beast and stole his breath. “No, no, no, no, no.”

What should he do? No doctor or hospital they had visited since she had first gotten sick, had been able to help. There was no one here that could help her.

Oh, by the Gods, she was going to die.

The realization hit him like a slap in the face. His little sister would die before morning came, because there was no one in this damned city that...

Gladio's breath stuttered in his chest when he remembered what the innkeeper of the Black Saffron had said about his son and the woman that had come by during the meeting, when he remembered what that prostitute had told him last week.

Without stopping to consider what a colossally stupid idea this was – he could not afford to think about it, not now when his little sister was dying – he wrapped her blanket tightly around her frail body and lifted her up in his arms. She was so light he barely noticed her weight.

Why was it getting so much worse? Why now, of all times? She had been fine! Or at last not worse than the last time he had taken her to a doctor.

He didn't even stop to get dressed in something other than his sleeping trousers or to put on some shoes, and instead ran right out of the door, into the dark streets of Insomnia. In the privacy of her bed, the prostitute had described to him how he could get to this Healer, if he ever needed to.

Sweat ran down his face and back the further he ran, his breath burned in his lungs, but he didn't dare to stop. He didn't dare to do so as he ran past buildings the earthquake had destroyed, deeper and deeper into the city, through neighbourhoods that were getting more and more run down.

Iris began to shiver, despite the warm summer night. Gladio only tightened his grip and hastened his steps.

Despite the growing lack of functioning street lamps, he could see the great, broken pillar. It rose out of the shadows like a great, stony needle as he hurried past it and then turned left into a narrow alleyway. It didn't take long to reach the other side. It was nearly pitch black now. Only a few weakly glowing lanterns showed him the way, forcing him to slow down, lest he stumble and fall. He found the staircase Viti had talked about through sheer luck. There weren't any handrails, so he had to be extra careful. He did not dare hurry since some of the metal stairs creaked ominously.

Follow the lights, Viti had said, and so he started to run again towards the nearest light he could see. It was a single lantern glowing like a lonely star at the first house on the right. It hung from the ceiling in a room that was entirely open on one side and illuminated a group of chairs, metal drawers and a long table. In a corner there was a part of the wall that looked like it could possibly be a door. He just about kicked it in.

“Hello! I need help!” he bellowed into the darkness of the house, honestly not caring who he might wake.

Not a second later hasty footsteps sounded to his left. It was a teenager, his skin paler than he had ever seen a human being be, with big blue eyes so light they looked white near the pupil. In his hand he carried a lantern, its light cast a cheerful glow on everything it touched.

The teenagers eyes grew even larger when he saw the bundle in Gladio's arms, then his eyes dropped to his feet and back up again.

“My sister needs help”, Gladio repeated, pleading.

That seemed to do the trick, as the teenager gestured towards a staircase with a hasty “Follow me!” and practically leapt up the stairs.

“Healer! Healer wake up! There's an emergency. Quick!”

Gladio followed the teen down the hallway to his right until they came to the last door. Behind it was a small room with a rickety bed, a bedside table, a stool and a chest of drawers. Another lantern, it had been hanging from a hook next to the door, was lit and the teenager motioned for Gladio to lay his sister on the bed before he vanished down the hallway again, calling for Healer.

Now here, where he could finally focus on something other than running, running, running, he noticed he was trembling like a leaf in the wind. His heart beat like a fast paced drum and his breath shuddered with each intake of air.

His gaze settled on Iris. Her skin was a pasty, unhealthy white and the dark splotches had spread up her neck and onto her cheeks. Each laboured breath sounded wet and rattled within her chest. Carefully, as to not hurt her any further, he settled her down on the lumpy mattress of the bed. The frame gave a high pitched sound as her weight was added.

From outside the room he could hear doors opening and closing, sleepy voices were asking questions and hasty steps were making their way towards them. A young man appeared in the doorway. He had clearly just woken up, his startling violet eyes squinting against the light of the lantern and his long black hair a mess that hung in his face.

When the man – he couldn't be older than 20 – saw him he froze. His eyes grew large in surprise and fear, his mouth opened and closed like he was a fish on land. Gladio glowered. If he had only come to stare, he was going to beat him within an inch of his life.

“Help her!” he bellowed.

The man jerked. His gaze fell on Iris and all expression vanished from his face. One moment he stood by the door and the next he was next to the bed, leaning over his sister and looking intently at her gaunt face.

“Casto, get me a bucket and take the bedsheets for winter out of the closet. Go to Hiemi and tell her I need some of her purging tea, and bring me a bowl of hot water and a washrag”, he said with an air that made it clear he was used to be listened to and obeyed.

Not bothering to turn around and see if the teenager was listening – which he did; he ran out of the room like the Infernian himself was after him – the young man started to gently unwrap the blanket. She had grown even paler and the black splotches covered large parts of her visible skin.

Gladio would love to ask who this guy even was and what he was doing as he released a hissing breath and started cussing quite creatively, but his voice refused to work. Each new gulp of air took more effort than the last and slowly he began to realize that everything hurt. From his muscles to his feet. Especially his feet. They felt like two big, raw lumps of meat that did nothing but hurt. He ignored it as best as he could for now.

A thin hand with long, elegant fingers was lain on Iris' forehead, golden-violet sparks danced across the digits and over her skin.

Wait, this was the famous Healer?

“For how long has she been sick?”

Gladio's tired mind barely registered the question. “What?” he managed to utter after his second attempt at articulating.

“How long, Gladio”, Healer barked.

How...? That wasn't important right now.

“Nearly two months”, he managed to say around the lump in his throat.

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit. By all the sulphurous fires of Ifrit's den. By all rights, she should be dead by now.”

That made Gladio's tired brain pay attention again. “Excuse me?”

Healer shook his head and reached for the bucket a huffing and puffing Casto held out towards him, bedsheets under his other arm.

“No time for that.”

He gently sat her upright, her weight lying awkwardly in his arms, and sent a wave of softly glowing magic through her. The golden and violet light washed over her like water. Without warning her upper body jerked forward and she vomited her dinner mixed with black blood into the bucket. It stank sickeningly.

Iris took big, heaving breaths, occasionally dispelling mouthfuls of junky black sludge. After nothing new came up, Healer set the bucket down beside the bed. He didn't seem to care for the splatters that had hit the naked skin of his arms and torso. They slowly turned into wispy smoke and then vanished entirely. Her eyes fluttered feverishly without seeming to notice her surroundings.

“Yeah, that's it. Everything's alright now. In and out, in and out. Yah're doing great, Iris. Everything's gonna be alright.”

While Healer was gently coaxing his barely lucid sister into regaining her breath and Casto put a garish monstrosity of a pillow beneath her head, Gladio leaned against the wall to ease the pain in his feet and to regain some kind of equilibrium. Because this Healer knew his sister's name. Gladio knew he hadn't told him and he had known his name, too, without needing an introduction. Just who was he?

“Tata?”

All eyes turned towards the door. There stood a girl. She looked to be around seven with wild, sleep mussed red hair and honey coloured eyes that gleamed golden. She looked drowsily at them and yawned.

“Solaris? What're yah doing out of bed?” asked Healer without taking his glowing hand from Iris' forehead even once.

“It's loud”, the girl complained.

Gladio's gaze wandered from one to the other and he wondered.

Healer nodded. “Ah know, little sun, but Iris needs mah help for now. If yah can't sleep anymore, could yah go down and ask yahr mati for a big glass of water? Casto, could yah look after Astra, please? Ah don't wanna've him running 'round alone and in the dark.”

Both nodded and left the room, the girl taking the teenager's hand. Gladio stared after them. He had heard this accent before, he knew he had. If he could just place where. He felt like he was missing some very crucial things right about now. Sleep. What he needed now was sleep and for Iris to not die.

His gaze settled back on her. A flittering net of golden-violet magic covered her from head to toe. It looked more like mist than a tangible thread. How was such a thing possible? Only the royal family should be the one harbouring powerful magic in this city, even the whole continent. And now here was this Healer, whose magic prickled against his skin like a Lucis Caelum's did. It would probably be more upsetting, if he was fully awake.

“What does she have?” he asked instead of all the other questions burning on his tongue.

Healer blinked at him, as if he had forgotten that Gladio was also in the room. He made a passable impression of a bowstring drawn tight. In an obvious nervous tick, Healer tugged at his hair and wet his lips.

“She's scourge sick”, he said at last, his voice barely more than a quiet whisper.

“Scourge sick”, Gladio repeated tonelessly. “You mean the black plague, curse of the Gods, the starscourge? That kind of scourge sick?”

“Yes”, came the careful confirmation.

Gladio felt his fingers flex like they wanted to hit something, if he had just a bit more energy left. “That's a load of chocobo shit”, he rasped. “The starscourge does not reach within the Wall. Everybody knows that.”

Near glowing, violet eyes shot him a deadpan stare that felt achingly familiar. He suppressed a shudder creeping up his spine. Damn, those eyes were eerie.

“Two months ago yah said? Has she been anywhere near the old crypts at tha' time?”

The broken shield opened his mouth to instinctively deny the question, but he hesitated. “I... I don't know”, he admitted at last. He tried to remember, but his head started to feel like it was packed in wool.

“Doesn't matter anymore. It's good that yah came now, but yah were cuttin' it very close. She wouldn't 'a' made it through the night. Ah can barely believe tha' she made it this long.”

With a shuddering breath Gladio leaned more of his weight against the wall. The rough plaster dug uncomfortably into his shoulders.

Steps sounded from the hallway and shortly thereafter the girl was back, two cups in her hands. One was steaming and emanated a strong smell that made him wrinkle his nose. She gave the one with the foul smelling liquid Healer, the other one she cradled between her hands.

“Thank yah, little sun”, the young man smiled. “Now, yah remember what ah taught yah? Reach for the power resting in yahr bones. No more than a spark. Take it and guide it, it knows what it's got tah do.”

The girl's face scrunched up in concentration, in a way Gladio had seen a hundred times before, in the way Noctis had looked when he had wanted something to go exactly right. What Gladio hadn't seen before was the reddish glow of her hands.

“Not so much, little sun”, corrected Healer gently.

Solaris' brow furrowed even more and after a few seconds the glow dimmed until there was only the barest sheen of it left. It seeped into the cup and the liquid it contained, until it glowed, too.

“Very good”, praised the young man and Solaris beamed. “Would yah be a dear and give it tah Gladio over there?”

“Yes, tata”s she said dutifully and held the cup out to him, standing as far away as she could manage while doing so. She was clearly skittish around strangers.

“No, thank you”, he said while looking at the glowing cup in healthy scepticism. As long as he had no idea what it was he wouldn't drink it. He swallowed, and that made his parched throat just more noticeable.

Healer clucked his tongue in disapproval. “It's jus' water with a bit of healin' magic. Sit down and drink tha'. Yah look like yahr abou' tah keel over. 'Specially with yahr feet.”

Gladio made a face, but in the end he took the cup from the girl. The liquid in it looked like plain water hit by sunlight during noon. It was kind of fascinating, he had to admit. The little girl scampered off towards the bucket and glanced into it, curiosity clear on her face. She clamped her hands over her nose and mouth with a disgusted sound. Gladio frowned. A child as young as her shouldn't see these kind of things. Healer seemed to be of a similar mindset.

“Solaris, would yah please go and get Ardyn? And after tha' ah need yah tah do somethin' very important. Can yah do tha' for me?” Healer looked at her with serious eyes. The girl nodded, face solemn. “Yah need tah go tah the other patients and tell them tha' everything's alrigh'. They don't need tah worry.”

“Ah will, tata”, she said and carefully stepped closer to give Healer a kiss on the cheek before she left the room.

“What happens now?” asked Gladio and took a tiny sip of the mystery water, as he had dubbed it in his mind.

At once he could feel some of his exhaustion leave and the soreness of his muscles easing off just a bit. He blinked in surprise. This was a bit like the potions he knew, just far more gentle in the way the soothed things. Potions and ethers made by Lucis Caelum magic were always accompanied by an unpleasant burn.

Healer answered while he carefully, drop by drop, made Iris drink that foul smelling tea. “Now ah'll start tah heal her. The scourge has been burrowed in her body for too long for me tah heal it all at once, but ah can do it. Yah needn't worry.”

“You can really heal her? How long will it take? There is supposed to be only one person who is able to heal the starscourge, and I kind of doubt that you are the Oracle in disguise.”

The deeply buried seeds of hope started to grow into a warm feeling pooling in his stomach. Or maybe that was just the mystery water.

“Yeah, but like ah said, it'll take me some time. A week at least. Ah don't just need tah rid her of the scourge, but also repair the damage it caused and tha's the truly tricky part.”

Gladio became light headed in relief. If he hadn't been sitting on the floor already, he would certainly do so now. But he couldn't help but wonder how it was even possible. The Fleurets had been blessed by the Astrals with the power to cleanse the scourge from its victims. There were no others.

“My, my, nephew. You have all of the clinic in a right tizzy.”

A man stood in the doorway with wild reddish hair that had an odd violet sheen and golden eyes. He leaned on a cane the same way King Regis did, and Gladio didn't know why, but he found that quite disturbing. Despite the stuffy and hot air he wore a long pair of trousers and a high collared tunic with sleeves that fell down over his wrists.

“She is scourge sick”, the man stated. His eyes bore a strange glint that Gladio didn't like.

Healer nodded. “Yes”, he affirmed and motioned towards the bucket sitting at the end of the bed. “Could yah get rid of tha'? Ah made her drink some of Hiemi's purging tea, so she'll need tha' bucket 'gain soon.”

“Of course, dear nephew. But if you don't mind, I would like to see how you handle this one. It's the first time I see you treat someone afflicted with starscourge, after all. Not to worry, I'll keep myself well out of the way.”

Healer's answering shrug clearly said suit yourself.

Gladio watched as the man – who was most likely this Ardyn the little girl had gone to fetch – gathered the bucket, keeping a straight face at the sickening smell, and retreated back towards the door.

“I'm ready”, the man announced with a grin.

Healer huffed, but he turned his full attention back to Iris who now looked like she had gone back to sleep. He gently rested his free hand on her stomach, right over her navel, the other still being on her forehead, and closed his eyes, his brows furrowed in obvious concentration. For a moment there was absolute silence. Then the glittering net over his sister's body retreated, leaving the room strangely dim. Not a moment later however, Healer's whole body started to glow in a golden light. It looked like a sun was trapped under his skin.

The black lines on his skin, that Gladio had thought were tattoos, started to crack open and released a burning violet light. It looked utterly otherworldly. Suddenly Gladio could believe every story Viti had told him about Healer. That he was a fallen star or an Astral, forgotten by humanity and time. There was so much power. It made his skin prickle and the fine hairs on his arms stand on end. And it seemed like Healer himself could barely contain it, he looked like his human shell was going to shatter at any moment.

Magic pulsed in time of an invisible heart, lapping over Iris and through the air like it was water breaking on a shore. The light seeped into Iris' skin, concentrating where the black splotches marred her, and with each new wave that washed over her they grew a tiny bit smaller. A fine black mist rose and dissipated within seconds.

Gladio couldn't do anything other than stare at the spectacle in front of him, even as it made his eyes burn to look directly into the pulsing light. He didn't even look away when he heard a violent hiss from where the red haired man was watching.

An especially large wave made the air shudder, caressed his skin like the softest silk and eased the pain in his bloody feet. There were quite a few cuts and a broken toe nail. He hadn't even felt it as he had been running to get his sister the help she needed. He couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped him. The magic teased over him like a long lost friend. It made something in him that had been sleeping for a long time, suddenly sit up and pay attention. He knew the feeling of this magic, had felt it quite often when Noctis had been made to practice his elemancy, even if he had never been connected to it like a proper Shield should be...

He jerked upwards. By now the magic had turned into a bright supernova with the young man and his sister at its centre. It couldn't be.

“Noctis”, he breathed, stunned.

He stood there, frozen and having no idea what he should do. This couldn't be possible. He had searched for his prince high and low and the Crownsguard and the Kingsglaive both had searched outside of Insomnia. If Noctis was still in the city and not dead they should have heard something by now. Shouldn't they?

On the other hand there clearly were people down here. Gladio hadn't even known that this place existed, and it was part of his job to know about the city's layout. It would also explain how Healer had magic. But why hadn't he recognized him then? He knew what the prince looked like! Then again, Healer had long hair and what he had thought were tattoos covering a large part of his body, including his face. And even if it turned out that Healer wasn't Noctis – which became more and more likely the longer he thought about it – this was a place he could potentially be, because no one had ever thought to look.

Had Noctis hidden here this whole time?

Why?

As if he had been heard, Healer opened his eyes. Even in the bright light of the magic they glowed like a pair of newborn stars. Gladio had to look away. White spots danced in front of his eyes. A high pitched whine sounded from where the door was located.

Slowly, oh so slowly, the pulsing light became weaker, the pressure of powerful magic in the air grew lighter. With each new wave it retreated further and further, like the changing of the tides until it was mostly gone.

The black splotches on Iris' skin had turned into mere shadows beneath skin still pale from sickness. There was a bit of colour in her cheeks now.

Healer's hands retreated and the last of the glow died, leaving the room in a strange half light until Gladio's eyes had adjusted again. Only the black lines on Healer's skin still gave off a dim iridescence, and Gladio swore there was a new one slashing across his cheek close to the nose. It made the impression that the man's humanity was nothing but a thin veil that could be ripped away to show what really lay beneath at any time. And wasn't that disconcerting?

Reluctantly, like he needed to remind himself how to move his limbs, he stood up and carelessly let the blanket Gladio had carried Iris in, fall to the floor, before taking up the one the teenager had brought in and spread it over Iris' still sleeping form. His breath came in quick bursts and he was covered in sweat like he had just completed a taxing workout. With a quiet groan he stood up straight. Finally the shimmer beneath his skin was completely gone.

“Fuck. Ah think ah overdid it”, he mumbled barely loud enough for Gladio to hear.

“You can say that again, my dear nephew. Please warn an old man the next time you want to set off the magical equivalent to a Nifasi firebomb. It would be much appreciated. You can never be sure of the consequences otherwise”, stated the red haired man before Gladio could even think to open his mouth.

There was a caution in Healer's gaze as he nodded, that set Gladio's teeth on edge and made him want to punch something. Or someone. Preferably the guy who used a cane exactly the same way his King did but moved like a was an actor playing out a drama.

“Now, go downstairs to your wife, eat something and drink some of her truly amazing tea. You look like someone who dearly needs a break and some extra energy. I dare say, it's too early already to go back to sleep again. I will look after the girl for the time being. Do not worry, I have some experience in looking after the scourge sick and know what I'm doing”, he continued as if he hadn't seen Gladio's glower.

Which he clearly had.

Healer – who was quite possibly Noctis and Gladio wasn't really sure if he wanted him to be or not – just rolled his eyes, but he took a step towards the door before he stopped and turned towards him, a guarded look on his face.

“Come”, he mumbled. “We need tah talk, and best do it now.”

Gladio didn't say anything as he followed Healer through the still mostly dark house. To be honest, he had no idea what to say. For all the questions tumbling through his mind in a never ending whirlwind since he had first seen the young man.

He wanted to scream.

He wanted to rage.

He wanted to shake the answers out of the man leading him down dark stairs.

But he didn't. If this whole mess had taught him one thing, it was that raging at it all didn't help a thing. So he swallowed the anger hissing in his mind down and sat in the chair in the warmly lit kitchen he had been indicated to.

The kitchen was a large room that was clearly well lived in and cared for with a loving hand, if cluttered to a point where there was nearly no free space left. Despite the warm summer night there was a new fire burning in the hearth that was old enough to belong in a museum. It made the air near uncomfortable hot.

Most of the kitchen appliances looked like they belonged into the 5th century ME at least. Well, there was an electric tea kettle and a few other bibs and bobs that clearly belonged into the modern age of electricity. How could anybody live like that?

As he examined the kitchen he noticed the woman standing at the counter. She wasn't very tall with a thin face and very pale skin that contrasted heavily with her long black hair. Her big eyes were of a green that reminded him of shadowy forests outside Insomnia. The long and thin tunic she wore was of a russet colour and looked more like a nightgown to his eyes.

He knew her. It was the woman that he had met at the Black Saffron the day before yesterday. Well, three days ago by now, he supposed. What was her name again? Hiemi? Wait, so the little girl had been...

She came over towards the table with a tray in her hands upon which were three cups and a large pot that wouldn't be out of place in one of the historical romances he liked to read sometimes. Now that she stood next to Healer, who had been awkwardly hovering next to an empty chair, Gladio could see that she was a few centimetres taller than him. The woman gave Healer a chiding glance that lost its bite with the fondly exasperated tilt of her smile.

“Yah overdid it”, she stated.

“Ah know”, he murmured and gave her a chaste kiss on the mouth. “Ah'm sorry.”

“No, yah're not. Now sit down and introduce me so tha' we can have this talk b'fore we've gotta go t' work.”

And Healer did just that.

He gave her hip a gentle squeeze and sat down on the chair across from Gladio while the woman served the tea and then sat down herself. There were a few beats of awkward silence before Healer cleared his throat and introduced the woman next to him.

“Gladio, may ah introduce to yah Hiemi, Dame of this household and mah wife. Hiemi, this's Gladio.” He hesitated, as if he wasn't quite sure how to continue.

Before he could make up his mind about it, Gladio interrupted him: “What in the name of Pitioss' cursed depths were you thinking, Noctis?!”

The young man flinched, his fingers dug into the wooed tabletop until his knuckles turned white and his mouth fell open with no sound escaping him.

In the warm light of the kitchen it had become very clear to Gladio that this Healer was in fact Noctis, despite all the changes. The facial structure practically screamed Lucis Caelum. There was also the magic – magic he had never seen or heard of before – and the fact that he knew his and Iris' name.

“Where the fuck have you been? Do you know how worried your father was? Still is, to this day? Do you know how the nobles are hounding him to produce another heir? He keeps refusing out of love for you and the late Queen and you sit here, healthy and alive, and play house! The King still hopes that you're alive and well, that you're coming home one day. Do you know what your actions did to Ignis? To Iris? To me? Do you-”

By the end he had been nearly screaming, ready to lunge across the table and beat some sense into his prince. If he even deserved that title anymore. But suddenly he was frozen in place. The words tumbling out of his mouth, halted on his tongue and his muscles refused to move. It was like time around him had been halted but everywhere else it moved forward like it always did. He couldn't even blink as he looked at the two people across from him.

Noctis had grown even paler than he already was, hunching his shoulders and shrinking into himself. Hiemi, the woman he had introduced as his wife – and wasn't that a whole other can of worms – was another story. Her eyes were blazing in fury as she rose from her chair, one arm held out in his direction. Around her wrist and along her forearm danced smoky grey chains. Sparks of green and yellow jumped between the individual links.

“Don't yah dare.” She hissed, her face contorted into a sneer. “Don't yah think he knows tha'? Mah husband knows the consequences of his actions quite well, knave Gladiolus. Yah bet there's a damn good reason for it, do yah understand me?”

“Hiemi”, Noctis said in a tone that was barely more than a whisper. At once her attention was on him. “Let him go, please. It's fine.”

“It damn well isn't, and yah know it! Shield or not, friend or not, he can't jus' walk in here and treat yah like this. Healer. Noctis. It's not yahr fault. Yah couldn't 've done anything different. Not with Him watching.”

Gladio listened with growing concern. What was she talking about? Who was this Him? The way he said it he couldn't be a nice guy. Noctis made a keening noise so full of old hurt and fear and guilt that Galdio would have recoiled, if he were able. The prince pressed his face into her abdomen, his hands grasped at the cloth of her tunic and his shoulders shook as if he was crying. She didn't say anything but carded her hands through his long, tangled hair with a tender expression on her face. Gladio dearly wanted to look away, shaken to his core at the scene before him.

“Ssshhhh”, made Hiemi and continued to pet Noctis' hair until he pulled away.

The prince's eyes were thankfully dry and he didn't look quite as much as an anak caught in the headlights anymore. His wife pressed his cup of tea into his hands and he took a sip. And then another, the action calming him down further.

“Now”, she said, her tone brooking no argument, “we're all going tah sit down and talk like the adults we all are. Am ah clear?”

Here she looked sternly at Gladio who still couldn't move. He wished he could point that out to her.

“Mah life, yah need tah take off the spell first”, Noctis reminded her with an amused twitch at the corner of his mouth.

Due to her pale skin, the redness in her cheeks was very noticeable as she cancelled whatever she had done with one last warning look towards him. The chains around her forearm vanished. He carefully flexed his fingers and shifted his weight, to see if everything was back in working order, but he wisely kept his mouth shut and waited for either of the two to speak first. Their short exchange had made it clear that there was more going on than he had thought – than anyone had thought – and he wanted to know what it was.

It was Noctis who started the conversation again.

“Tha' night in tha' alleyway ah was scared shitless, Gladio, and it wasn't because of tha' old drunk with the broken bottle.”

“What in the name of Bahamut's blades happened to you?” asked Gladio and watched uncomprehending, as both of them flinched slightly.

“Please, don't say His name. Down here, He can't see me”, Noctis pleaded.

“What do you mean, down here He can't see you? Wait, the He you were referring to is-?”

Gladio swallowed down the name Bahamut, but the other two knew exactly who he meant. They nodded in unison.

“But why?”

He didn't understand this at all.

“The Bladed One's still one of the Six, one of the Astrals, but His standing, from what ah understand of what Healer told me, is more tha' of the Infernian up there”, answered Hiemi and motioned towards the ceiling.

Ignis would love this.

The sudden thought made Gladio realize that he needed to get the advisor in on this. Gladio himself was in over his head. But that was for later. Now...

“So Ba- the Bladed One is some kind of traitor, a malevolent deity? What does that have to do with why you're hiding in this dump?”

Both of them bristled at his words and Hiemi opened her mouth, clearly prepared to argue, but Noctis' hand on her shoulder held her back. She leaned backwards, still glaring at Gladio like he had insulted her personally.

“It's got everything tah do with it”, said Noctis. “Do yah know the stories of the Lucis Caelums tha' had a magic different from wha' was expected of them?”

Gladio hesitated. He tried to think of the old stories Noctis had liked to read in the archives, when he had been allowed down there, but none came to mind. It was strange, since this was the main reason he had started to like reading historical romance. Try as he might, he couldn't remember a single of those stories the young prince had liked to ramble about on occasion.

“I... cannot say I do, no”, he admitted, feeling strangely ashamed of it.

Noctis just sighed. “Tha's alrigh'. They've always ended violently, with the death of the Lucis Caelum in question, and more often than not with innocent bystanders dead. There're records of Kings killing their own children tah minimize the inevitable damage they'd cause if left tah live. Dad told me the last one left to live died when he collapsed a house on top of him, also killing the people within the building and most of the bystanders. Ah managed tah find records from the Founder's time, where King Somnus decreed in the Bladed One's name tha' every child not of black magic was Bad Faith.”

Gladio gave a quiet curse. He remembered now, the sordid stories Noctis had told and had given him a sour taste in his mouth every single time. The prince seemed to have noticed his discomfort at his retellings and had stopped them after some time. It hadn't stopped him from going into the archives, however.

All of a sudden he had a very bad feeling about this.

“Please tell me you aren't one of those cases, Noctis”, he all but begged, already knowing the answer to this.

Ruefully, the prince in hiding shook his head. “If he finds me it's only a question of time before something happens. Do yah understand? Ah can't go Up because for some reason we can't figure out, He can't find me here. As long as ah'm here nothing'll happen.”

“And what of the rest of Lucis? Should it fall into chaos, conquered by Nifelheim, because you were too much of a coward?”

Noctis pressed his lips into a thin line in displeasure. “And what would you have me do, Gladio? Wait for the dragon to kill me? I've wanted to just march up to the Citadel so many times, I've lost count. You have no idea how much it hurt to stay away from all of you.”

In his ire he was starting to lose that damn accent that had been starting to grate on Gladio.

“Stop!” thundered Hiemi before the argument could escalate any further, her presence backed up by the feeling of powerful magic. “We've been talking abou' contacting His Royal Majesty for some time now. 'Specially in the last few days. The children've been excited ever since they heard we've been considering it. Healer, ah think it's abou' time we finally did it.”

“I... yes”, he relented after a few moments of silence. “It's abou' time.”

#ffxv #dreams of our past #gladiolus amicitia #hiemi is an overprotective fury #two hard headed people meeting each other #well #this could have gone better #cat's out of the bag now #gladio finally finds noctis #he could have handled that better #but also so much worse #iris has the staarscourge #and because of *plot* she's getting treatment #ardyn is having a hard time believing what just happened #he needs to sit down for a minute #my fics #the spirit writes

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carmenlire · 7 years ago

Text

Tell Me that It’s Okay Part IV

Read Part I

Read Part II

Read Part III

Read on ao3

(TW for mention of suicidal ideation and low-key references to depression)

It’s a warm June night and Alec is out on patrol. He’s ditched his leather jacket and is wearing a simple pair of black jeans, scuffed combat boots, and a black sleeveless t-shirt that shows off the runes on his arms.

He’s by himself because Jace and Izzy decided to hit the hot new club downtown and felt no compunction about leaving him to his own devices. Walking through the relatively empty streets of New York, Alec feels the restlessness that’s been gnawing on his bones for the last few months become that much sharper. He doesn’t know why he feels like this, but it’s like he’s waiting with bated breath for something to happen. It doesn’t make sense, but then when does anything in his life follow his carefully laid-out script?

By all rights, Alec should feel good, optimistic, like he has the rest of his life before him. He graduated with top honors from the Academy a couple of months ago and his mission success rate is unparalleled in North America. His whole life is ahead of him and it looks bright and golden and full of possibilities.

On the surface.

But the truth is, Alec is angry. There’s a bitterness that’s growing in his chest with every passing day and sometimes he thinks he’ll choke on it. The feeling swells and sometimes-- when Izzy talks about her latest conquest or Jace rambles on about his date for the weekend-- it claws at his insides and it’s everything he can do to keep the tidal wave of vitriol back.

For all that Alec has three siblings, two living parents, and lives in an institute full of people, he’s alone. Most days, he feels nothing. He wakes up, goes on mission after mission, eats food that leaves no taste, and goes to bed, feeling blank and empty and so damn tired.

Occasionally, he ducks out of the institute and goes to this small coffee shop a few blocks away. The atmosphere is dark and cozy and sometimes those few hours, drinking coffee that’s more sugar than espresso, and reading his latest novel, provide the only sense of warmth he gets that week.

His parents don’t help. When his father deigns to show up at the Institute, he’s distant and cold. He keeps the veneer of a loving father, but his eyes are far away-- never with his family.

Maryse, though. There are times Alec thinks his mother must have loved him once. But, he can’t quite recall when that would have been. It’s been so long since she’s touched him in anything but anger, too long since she spoke to him with any warmth in her voice. He doesn’t know when things changed. Or if that’s always been their relationship. Every time he meets her eyes, all he sees is the staggering weight of disapproval, disappointment, and bitterness. It’s suffocating.

It feels like there’s crushing pressure from all sides and Alec doesn’t know how much longer he can hold out before he collapses from it all. He works his damnedest, but it’s not enough. He’s not enough. His whole life is ahead of him and it’s nothing but a gaping chasm. Honestly, it seems a bit shit. Alec knows what’s expected of him. He has a few more years going on missions and perfecting his field work dossier. By his mid twenties, he’ll be married-- to a woman, absolutely no doubt about it-- and popping out kids as fast he can. God, just the thought of it makes him want to vomit, fills him with a desperation and hopelessness that grates on his nerves.

But he’s a Lightwood. He might not be straight but he damned well knows his responsibility. It doesn’t matter what he wants. It doesn’t matter who he is. What matters is family and reputation and his mission in life is to be perfect. A perfect toy soldier for a Clave he doesn’t even believe in most of the time, a perfect son for parents who despise him, a perfect parabatai and brother for those he loves.

There’s no room left for anything else. There is no Perfect Boyfriend Alec Lightwood. His dreams from so long ago are all but forgotten-- there’s no man coming to save him from himself, from a society that makes him feel other and wrong and invisible. Alec Lightwood saves himself. The problem is that he doesn’t care to.

For the Lightwood heir apparent, he’s frighteningly listless. Alec’s felt empty for as long as he can remember. He lives for Jace, Izzy, and Max. If it was just himself, he would’ve been dead long ago. He has to protect them, be the shoulder they lean on, the ear they use for their petty arguments and issues.

The truth, the shameful thoughts that never see the light of day but still somehow coat his very soul in darkness and despair, is that sometimes Alec wants to give up. To vanish. He’ll be in the middle of a fight and a thought sneaks in.

Just be a little slower lifting your Seraph blade.

Don’t move out of the way.

Alec would never, never, do anything-- he’s the perfect soldier no matter the circumstances; people are counting on him-- but he can’t help his insidious thoughts. There’s nothing for him in this life. What, he’s just supposed to fight demons for a few years, fight the Clave for a few decades after that, and marry a woman he cannot love and probably won’t like just because he’s a goddamn shadowhunter? It’s the biggest load of bullshit Alec’s ever heard but he’s trapped and sees no way out.

Alec’s walking down the street when a sudden need tugs at him. He thinks he needs a drink. He’s not much of a drinker-- he has to keep a level head at all times, has to keep Izzy and Jace safe while they indulge-- but now that it’s popped into his head, it’s all he can think about. Alec needsto forget, if just for a single night. Forget that he’s a perpetual disappointment, forget that’s he’s wrong, forget that his life isn’t his own and that that’s the most depressing shit he’s heard in his eighteen years.

He ducks into a corner shop that sells liquor and goes straight to the back. He picks up a bottle of whiskey at random and heads to the front of the store, the heavy steps of his combat boots bringing the cashier’s head up from the magazine she was reading. She tosses it out of the way and picks up the bottle he just placed down on the counter to scan.

Alec’s going for his wallet when the soft music playing overhead reaches him. He freezes as he takes in the lyrics.

Awake, wide eyed I'm screaming at me Trying to keep faith and picture his face Staring up at me

Stunned, Alec instead whips out his phone and Shazam’s the song. Heaven by Troye Sivan pops up and Alec feels like he’s going to pass out as he continues to listen to the song.

The cashier sees his phone screen and smiles at him. “That song’s pretty popular right now. You haven’t heard it yet?”

Alec croaks out, “no,” and focuses everything he has on the song.

She straightens a little before laying her elbows on the counter and leaning towards him. “His name is Troye Sivan and he’s an openly gay singer from Australia. You should check out his album Blue Neighbourhood. It’s amazing and he doesn’t shy away from using male pronouns!”

In a daze, Alec pays for the bottle of whiskey and walks out of the shop, slowing his steps until he’s sure he’s heard the rest of the song. With a brown paper bag in his hand, Alec quickly makes his way to the Institute. It’s around four in the morning and he walks in without alerting anyone.

Making his way to the roof, Alec sits on the ledge and immediately takes out his phone, opens Spotify, and downloads Sivan’s album. He puts it on repeat and then places the phone next to him. He takes the bottle out of the bag and twists open the top, taking a large swallow in defiance. He almost throws up from the heat, but soon enough warmth is the only thing he feels.

That’s how the next few hours go. Alec listens closely to the lyrics and his chest feels like it’s been cracked open, everything that he’s been bottling up is leaking all over the damn place and if Alec wasn’t numb from the whiskey, he’d feel the tears running down his face.

This album is everything. Alec feels at once cathartic and his most despairing. It is so gratifying to hear a man singing about being gay and loving another man. Shadowhunters aren’t as oblivious to mundane culture as they’d like everyone to think. Mostly, they just play it up because it makes them feel weirdly superior to everyone else if they don’t let on that they know what the NFL or Netflix are.

Alec’s favorite TV show is One Tree Hill and he has a guilty pleasure of listening to One Direction during his runs. Izzy is obsessed with Project Runway and went to a Kesha concert last weekend. Most of their generation has Snapchat and Jace even has a Vine account. They know what’s up.

Alec knows that mundanes can be just as hateful and intolerant as shadowhunters about sexuality. But, he also knows they celebrate Pride. The very concept is foreign to him.

Who the hell would want to celebrate being different? What’s the joy in that? Show him, where’s the fucking pride in feeling like your chest is being ripped apart every waking moment as resentment builds and scalds your throat?

And Alec is a coward. He knows he’ll take his shameful secret to the grave with him. There is no “coming out” in his future. The only thing that would be waiting for him if he was fool enough to do that is disownment, certain ostracization, and possible deruning. He’s not a fucking idiot.

He is more than a little drunk, though, and when he sways dangerously in his spot, he knows it’s time to back the fuck up from the ledge. He falls onto the roof in a slow topple that would probably embarrass him if he were sober and rests his back against the wall. Taking another swig from the bottle, he’s surprised to see it’s over halfway empty. With a careless shrug, he places it a little too hard on the ground and looks up at the stars.

For long minutes it’s just him, the galaxy, and Troye Sivan. His head is spinning and he feels an unbearable sorrow in his chest. He wants that. He wants a relationship, a man to come home to, a feeling like his world isn’t on the constant brink of imploding.

He’d almost had it. His mind is hazy, but it latches onto an image of forest green eyes and a soft smile.

Gray, his mind supplies. Grayson.

But, he’d ruined it, like he ruins everything he touches. He hasn’t talked to him since that night. Senior year had been awkward as hell and Alec will always thank the angels that, by some miracle, they hadn’t shared any classes together. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to think of Gray and not feel the well of grief, regret, and bitterness.

He’s drunk and forgives himself for thinking about the one person he’d promised himself he’d never acknowledge again. Alec sighs and brings his hands up to try and scrub the drunkenness off his face. His last thought before he passes out is that he thinks Gray might always be his biggest what-if.

Alec wakes up late the next morning with a raging hangover, no memory from last night after the corner store, and a heaviness in chest that feels just a bit more oppressive than usual.

He drags himself up to standing and immediately doubles over and throws up onto the ground. With a grimace, he picks up his phone that’s died sometime in the morning, leaves the bottle on the edge, and makes his way as carefully as he can down to his room. He takes a shower that burns a layer of skin off but wakes him up, throws up twice more, and all but falls into bed.

While he feels a bit like death, mostly he is still pervaded by emptiness. He knows that he’ll sleep until dark, eat yet another meal that might as well be dirt for all he cares, and will go on yet another mission. There’s a thousand days just like this waiting for him and Alec thinks it’s a little too exhausting to think about today.

Alec wonders if this is really all that’s left for him, if his life will really have so little meaning. He thinks, it’s not worth it, before sleep drags him down.

#TMTIO #My writing #I hope you guys like this chapter!#shit is Dark #malec #malec fic #malec fic rec #shadowhunters

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sorikkung · 7 years ago

Note

You did an intro to got7 a while ago could you maybe do one for A.C.E.??? They seem like a good group but I'm clueless atm so it would be v helpful!!!

lololol i did an intro to mark from got7 but not got7 as a whole, but yes ofc i will i love my talented bois and i love rambling about them heRE WE G O

an introduction to a.c.e, for dummies (jk ily choice is a great fandom pls join us)

also this is gonna get rlly long so im gonna put it under a cut

A.C.E is a 5-member boygroup under beat interactive!! which is a p small company atm so my boys dont exactly have the high quality living and practice areas and food that they deserve :(( THEYLL GET THERE THO IM SURE OF IT THEYRE LEGENDS

here’s their youtube channel with aaaaall sorts of goodies

i started stanning a.c.e predebut, bc they had a lot of content for a group that hadn’t debuted yet, and it was enough to snatch my attention real quick so you should check that shit out, they did a shitton of AMAZING covers and to get their name out there more, street buskings its a lot but i swear its worth your time theyre so talented!!

also they have matching tracksuits what more could you ask for tbh (as you can see from that vid, they’re literally so fucking extra)

a few of my favs are

this rlly long busking video w girl group songs and just a bit of everything tbh,

THIS amazing remix/cover of kard’s don’t recall by the rap line + this one cute girl,

only THE most iconic playing w fire cover, band version, (I WILL NEVER STOP SCREAMING ABOUT THAT VIDEO HONESTLY I COULD MAKE A POST ON THAT COVER ALONE ISTG)

their flashlight cover that is enough to make a grown man cry omfuckigngOD it makes me feel things hjskskkh

that ONE TAKE dance cover they did of 3 of taeyangs songs, all focusing on a different member of the dance line

im gonna stop here before i link every damn cover they made

okay so now that thats covered (bad-um-tss) time for…DEBUT

THIs beauty right here is their debut song cactus, which has this really deep meaning to it. bc they came from a small company so they have to work extra hard to even be able to debut let alone be successful and they’re like a cactus bc cacti grow in the desert where there’s very little water but they still manage to stand strong even through the hardest of weather an environment conditions and eventually sprout beautiful flowers,, buuuuuut its also a meme for obvious reasons.

tbh debut era choice culture was just listening to cactus on repeat for days bc it was their only song at the time skjslaas not much has changed tbh LMAO but yes theyre a very edm loving group so their DANCE SKILLS ARE ON POINT SERIOUSLY IVE SEEN FEW GROUPS AS AMAZING AT DANCING AS ACE WOWOW

oh yeah did i mention that their fandom name is choice and that choice are literally the softest fandom my multifandom ass has e v e r been in?? theres literally no cringy or toxic side of the fandom its just so soft and welcoming and pure and everyone is so nice and sweet and friendly and just??? wow i love choice a lot hjkskjsshkhk choice are also SUPER talented too stan talent stan choice

speaking of cringe ace is that group that just like skipped the entire “rlly cringy boygroup debut phase” completely like no weird debut haircuts or outfits or weird lyrics about girls, well actually thats all kinda objective but like they made those outfits work ok and im a cactus isnt that weird of a lyric if you know the deep meaning behind it

aS yOu CaN sEe, cactus era was the era of the tHIGHS and the hot pants. it was literally so iconic it blew up and with great reason too, have you seen those thighs?? AND THEY KNOW IT TOO they even mentioned they chose the hot pants as their style concept and took better care of their legs than their faces. true kings. heres a video of a.c.e talking about the whole hot pants thing and just their legs in general its some quality shit. and heres a video where they decide to show off just how great their thighs are bc they like to kill choices like that, this video is important and iconic bc its where the wowson ship began and also when they declared who the king of thighs were amongst the kings of thighs. definitely a necessary watch for new choice imo. donghun lowkey grinds on the floor at 4:04, you’ve been warned. honestly that video just gets progressively gayer lmao i love it

also for us international choice they made an ENGLISH cover of cactus CAN YOU BELIEVE IT I LOVE THEM SM they didnt have to but they did and oml stan a group who stans you back this hard their english aint that great but theyre trying and i appreciate it so much theyre so amazing look

five months later they dropped their second single, callin’, and b o y was this a stressful comeback, beat had us FOOLEd,, i genuinely thought it was gonna be a flowerboy soft concept yknow with like some sweet lowkey ballad or soft pop song, but nOOooOOOooo, MORE HARDSTYLE EDM not that im complaining callin is a bop but i was TRICKED

LOOK AT THIS SHIT ITS ALL AESTHETIC AND THE CLIP OF THE SONG WAS ALL SOFT I WAS REALLY EXPECTING SMTH SOFT im sorry im still salty that beat tricked me but ITS FINE bc callin is a HELLA BOP like i honestly didnt expect them to top cactus so quickly bc like cactus was hella but they DID and its amazing and heres the link be blessed (warning, these gifs above make it look like a soft vid but there are LOTS of flashing colours and lights and its really intense on the eyes if youre not comfortable with that dont watch, just listen)

they also supplied multiple dance pracs you can find on their channel for callin bc ace feeds us well, although callin had a reaaaally short promotion period bc right after they got thrown onto survival shows for more publicity, but hey, its working!! choice is growing bigger every day and im so proud

donghun, wow and jason all went on yg’s show mixnine, and jun and chan went on the idol rebooting show, the unit. both teams are doing EXTREMELY well on their respective shows!! but ill talk more about that in their individual member profiles bc they havent been put on the same team for anything yet rip

edit: mixnine finished and donghun and jason made the cut for the final group, sehyoon didn’t :(( so dongson will be promoting with the mixnine group for a lil bit!! also chan made it to the unit debut group but jun didnt. im hoping for a sehyjun subunit pls

that was long af but now im gonna dive into the members individually!! so its probs gonna get twice as long sorrynotsorry i warned you

Jun (Park Junhee)

jun is the so-called fiery leader of ace (also lead dancer and lead vocal) but is honestly just a giant dork and a sweetheart. hes the type of guy who you scream at for being dumb and call him an idiot but thats your weird way of expressing your undying love for him?? ask literally any jun stan, they’ll say they hate him. hate him for being so PERFECT like a fucking DISNEY PRINCE he’s the designated prince of the group you know theres always that one member and hes just so LOVEABLE and stupid and skjdakhkjs he fuckign dropped his cake on his birthday when do your faves ever. dad of the group, probably lost the maknaes in the shopping mall about 3 times already. talks a lot, hates aegyo, his members might be planning on sacrificing him to satan? he does on idol class with chan every…i think its wednesday and fans vote who gets punishments n stuff and jun loses every damn time i think hes losing his faith in choice lmao. #saveleaderjun

he’s kinda married to donghun, they’re the parents of ace but donghun might try murder him in his sleep idk man, but now hes on the unit with chan and theyre all cute and you can literally ship everyone with everyone in this group

he has HELLA charisma on stage tho oh my gOd also he has one of the most unique singing voices ive ever heard so its really easy to single out, his face also is the first i learned to tell apart?? he has rlly high cheekbones and a wide but thin smile.

this is actually an ot5 video not just jun but jun’s reaction was by far the most iconic so i have to put it in his section, get you a fave who can FLY lmaooo

it would be CRIMINAL if i didnt solo out jun’s ringa linga cover, thE MOST ICONIC JUN COVER EVER HJFKDSJKFDSJK if i ever stop talking about this assume im dead bc IVE NEVER GOTTEN OVER IT jun in a leather jacket looking all rude and staring at the camera like that im WEAK, SO WEAK, AAAAAAAAHHHH

[ahem] MOVING ON

Donghun (Lee Donghun)

donghun, sometimes romanised as donghoon and often referred to by choice as hun or hoon, is the oldest member of the group and another total sweetheart, honestly ace is just a group of sweethearts, he cares for his members so damn much and is super soft?? but ALSO A s Av Age he’s on mixnine with sehyoon and jason and he SHOT DOWN YG, once again I C O N I C, yg was at a loss for words, heres more receipts of him being savage, i love my sassy boyfriend. BUT HES ALSO A SWEET NOODLE HJKSHJKS oH and did you know that before he joined a.c.e he had no experience in dancing whatsoever and in a year and a half, he caught up with the other four members that have been dancing since they were kids?? I STAN TALENT YALL you’d literally never be able to guess that bc all of them are like on an equal dance level its insane

also he used to have braces during cactus era and it was the softest shit

[cOUGHS] so like did someone say disrespect,,, bc he can do that too,,,,, aAAAAAAAH the duality of this man istg

he’s the main vocalist and has vO C AL S OF AN A N GEL, he has so much soul and emotion in his voice, and has adlibs for days oh my god, he also has the MOST BEAUTIFUL FALSETTO i’ve ever heard, fight me, actually come at me. his voice works REALLY well with chan so they pair him up with him for quite a handful of covers like the all of me one i linked (one of my favs omfg it makes me emo) cause like, his soulful voice plus chan’s higher, sweet voice just sounds so great together i love our main vocals wow.

sPEAKING OF WOW,

Wow (Kim Sehyoon)

his stage name is wow, but its hard to take seriously so the fandom just calls him sehyoon lmfao. it used to be seyoon but when he went on mixnine, he revealed sehyoon was the official romanization so here we are lmao. even if your bias isn’t sehyoon…it’s sehyoon. he’s just that guy ya feel me?? anyways sehyoon is a relatively quiet and reserved guy, but his members really pull out the dork in him, i love it so much?? he doesn’t talk much but when he does all of a.c.e directs their full attention to him to listen, its really sweet, hes pretty awkward with people but you can tell he just feels so safe and comfortable with ace it honestly warms my heart. he’s the main rapper and main dancer, but!! our multitalented man is also a vocalist. yes, you heard, me, the main rapper can sing, and really well at that. (if you scroll up back to the flashlight and dont recall covers, you can see more of his voice.)

gets the least lines, but not by much. although hearing his singing voice in their actual songs has happened like with 2 lines?? so idk man im just waiting for their ballad song that theyre apparently doing for their third song, god im so ready. i love his voice a lot, damn.

he’s also like reeeeeeeeeally gay for jason…the entire fandom ships it and they even ship it themselves. wowson, the otp of ace, they honestly just cant keep their hands off eachother??? i know a friend who struggled to tell apart jun and jason so she just looked at who sehyoon was standing next to and instantly knew it was jason. THEYRE SO CLINGY. i love my squishy boyfriends.

OHHH BOY…i really could’ve used an even more disrespectful gif than this but that would ruin the surprise of watching it in the actual video!! as you can see, sehyoon is the K I N G of disrespect on stage, that shy lil fluffle bean you see offstage?? GONE. DISAPPEARED. VANISHED. this is why his stage name is wow, sehyoon disappears and you just go wow. choice has dubbed him king of bodyrolls with great reason, he makes every concept into a sexy concept, he just has that intimidatingly sexy aura to him, its incredible.

now…are you ready….i bet youre not…who am i kidding NOBODY was ready for this shit. on mixnine, sehyoon was picked as leader for one of their stages (i think he was leader for ringa linga too??) and got to choreograph the routine. if you think its already rude 10 seconds in, its all over for you bitches when the lighting goes yellow. i feel the need to repeat, our boy CHOREOGRAPHED THIS. IT WAS ALL HIS IDEA. EVERY. SINGLE. PART. this is the same kid who everyone on the show knew as the shy, quiet, handsome boy. but then.

but then he did this.

Jason (Kim Byeongkwan)

jason is his stage name that he chose for himself but his real name is byeongkwan, its another case of an idol having a stage name and nobody calling them by it?? i mean most new choice call him jason and i personally switch between the two but most choice seem to call him byeongkwan or bk if theyre extra lazy lmao. memers call him byonk sometimes.

jason is the weird child of the group and we all love him…he’s the second lil ball of sunshine and part ½ of the maknae line. he’s often found clinging to sehyoon or literally any of the members bc he’s an affectionate son who loves cuddles okay?? p r o t e c t h i m.

he’s also the lead everything. yeah thats really not fair but jason is op ok?? singing, rapping, dancing, visual, like sehyoon he’s the full package, i can hardly call them the rap line they’re just the op line t b h. triple threats.

on their official twt jason likes to confirm wowson a lot, its p great lololol he’s the biggest wowson shipper of all time. want more wowson? i gotchu, here’s one of my absolute fav moments. (ft. junchan/chun)

he has some HELLA CHARISMA on stage like boy can u pls chill. they also love doing his eye makeup with that red makeup and it looks rlly good bc bk has such pretty eagle eyes and its his Look™ and that along with his onstage persona is a DEADLY COMBINATION HDSJKSKSLKJS

i’m just gonna keep this short; even if your bias isnt byeongkwan, your bias is byeongkwan. he has that affect on everybody. number one bias wrecker out of the fandom t b h apart from sehyoon (he cant be my bias wrecker if he is my bias so im safe :^J)

Chan (Kang Yuchan)

INTRODUCING OUR CHANSHINE, MAIN VOCAL OF ACE, CUTIE MAKNAE CHAN!!!! he always introduces himself as a.c.e’s main vocal cutie maknae chan, its his iconic line and it suits him so well like LOOK AT HIM ISNT HE JUST A FUCKING RAY OF SUNSHINE WHAT A PURE CHILD I MUST PROTECC he’s literally the happy virus y’all AND ACE KNOWS IT TOO heres this one time where donghun even said that looking at chan cheers him up. certified sunshines only, everyone. also watch that whole video its long but its worth your time.

anyways our boy is a main vocal and as mentioned in donghun’s part they harmonize!!! so!! well!! i mean tbh all of ace can harmonize with eachother its the most beautfiul thing but these two are main vocal for a reason okay. if you didn’t already watch it in donghun’s part listen to THIS and have your ears be blessed i cry everytime oh my god skdfhd ALSO THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT ITS LIKE ONE OF MY FAVOURITE VIDEOS ON THE INTERNET i want to cry i lvoe chans voice so much i love chan i love kang yuchan og hmylhdg sodf i was gonna say i swear im sehyoon biased but im not istg ace is bias wrecking me 24/7 its been the hardest group to pick a bias in ever im not kidding i cant even

also known as kang RUDE, chan was all innocent sunshine and daisies until out of the blue he decided to give the disrespect king sehyoon a run for his fucking money. NOBODY FUCKING SAW IT COMING WE ALL THOUGHT HE WAS SO PURE AND THEN HE SUDDENLY STARTED FLASHING HIS ABS EVERYWHERE AND GRINDING ON THE FLOOR AND DOING THAT AND WE JUST CANT HANDLE IT i dont know a kang yuchan please save me oh my lord

okay this already has an ungodly amount of links and honestly i could go on, but this should be a good enough kickstart for you!!

stan talent stan a.c.e everyone. welcome to the choice family. its literally the softest and sweetest fandom out there. we welcome you with open arms and lots of cacti!!!

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stretchjournalemerson · 4 years ago

Text

Pain Management

By Maura Grace Cowan

For decades, I have been told, Mema’s fingers smelled of nicotine, trailing the scent of a pack a day and a love that ate away at my grandfather until it swallowed him whole just five months after I was born. After that, an already vicious candy habit became a lifelong method of staying cigarette-free. She said that it kept her mouth busy and her head on straight.

We were alike in that way– her weakness was See’s Candies butterscotch lollipops, and I favored peppermints to focus. It was not uncommon, during the five years that she lived in our home, to find us next to each other in the living room, teeth clacking on our respective hard candies until I finished my work or she tired of the barrage of bad news.

Her other method of oral fixation was toothpicks, little orange slivers that she dropped as she hobbled from room to room. Truthfully, that was about all she left behind– plastic wrappers and wood chips, breadcrumbs that led me back through the years after she was gone.

I was home for Christmas during my freshman year of college when she passed, as suddenly as one can pass after almost a century of life. It was California dreary out, with a blank sky and a bad attitude. She was three thousand miles away by then, but the West Coast was mourning. That night, I popped a coffee-flavored See’s lollipop in my mouth. It was the last thing I would bite into for days.

My wisdom teeth were never wise enough to grow in the correct direction, and with my already small jaw, their removal was an inevitability. We had made the appointment the previous summer, hoping to control the problem before it started. The timing could not have been predicted. But I would have signed away a world of hurt down the line if I could have absolved myself of surgery on the morning after my grandmother’s death.

My orthodontist was a genial Scottish man in his fifties. I had met him just once before, for our consultation. He charmed me immediately by recognizing my name and its correct pronunciation– “Gaelic, o’course,” he had said cheerfully. Mema would have been smitten. She always loved accents– anything about people, really, cultures and language and history. She told me once that she had lived so many stories that she couldn’t help wanting to hear everyone else’s. This was what I was thinking about when he began to rattle off the medications he would prescribe me for the weeks after the operation.

“Oh, I don’t need the strong stuff,” I interjected. “I’ll be just fine with the Ibuprofen, I’ve got a lot of grit.”

He chuckled, handing me a stack of forms.

“I don’t doubt it, Maura. Let’s just see how you’re feeling afterwards, eh?”

I was the last of my friends from high school to get their wisdom teeth out. I had stayed the night with Amelia right after the surgery, brought ice cream for Tyler every day for a week. I knew that there would be no conversation or ‘seeing how I felt.’

I am not taking those pills.

I have never lived at extremes. Modesty and moderation were ingrained in me before I could pronounce either word, by my mother and Mema and their working-class sensibilities. And if nothing else, I have held myself to those principles. In high school, even on the rare occasions that I allowed myself to go out on weekends, it was a point of pride that I knew my limits. I was never the least sober in the room– often, I was the most by far. I never, ever, lost control.

The assistant was a young, lanky man– almost a boy, really, I noticed as he plunged the IV drip into my arm. I imagined babbling to him when I woke up, making a fool of myself, having to be carried out like I once carried my high school friend when she mixed Vicodin and vodka.

“Don’t give me too much,” I remember pleading. “Look at me. Promise me that I will walk out of here on my own.”

He must have listened, because when I came to, it was with a surprisingly clear head. At least, the part of my head that I could feel was clear. I spent the car ride home in silence, poking at the numbness, pushing down the tears that were welling up in my eyes.

Healing happened, slowly and awkwardly. A prescription of Hydrocodone sat on my dresser unopened; I refused everything but aspirin and a steady supply of vanilla pudding. Instead, I spent my days drifting between sleep and discomfort, but I suffered in silence. The whole house, after all, was suffering too.

Mema was not an affectionate woman– in the years that I knew her, she was not even particularly kind. She was stubborn and abrasive, with a Southern drawl turned scratchy with years of smoking and sighing and complaining.

She was also the strongest woman I have ever known.

After she quit smoking, she kept as far as possible from any sort of vices that would shorten her lifespan, replacing them instead with virtues… temperance, fortitude, and CNN. Even in her last years, when my parents begged her to have a glass of wine each night just to help her get to sleep, she refused. Her pain management was a strict combination of stubbornness and grit, and her health remained remarkable for her age.

But when you are close to one hundred years old, regardless of how healthy you are, on some level, every part of your body is begging you to just stop. To rest. Sometimes, it’s even in your own mind.

Once, I heard her ask my mother, “Why am I still here?”

“You know that we can’t get you back on a plane safely with all this oxygen, Mom.”

“No,” she sighed. “Why am I still here?”

But she accepted it. She held firm, and she stayed. Even when we ran out of money and resources and patience, when we had to fly her those three thousand miles to move back in with my auntie Beth, she stayed until she could not stay one second longer.

When I was seventeen, I once stood staring into her medicine cabinet on the precipice of explosion. I had my father’s gin and my mother’s anger in my stomach, and I knew what matches it would take to light that fuse. But I stayed, strong and composed, just as she did every day. I couldn’t do it for myself. So I did it for her.

I am not taking those pills.

I was, at the outset, correct about my ability to push through the discomfort. My constant fear of losing control had given me an acute awareness of how much I could handle, and I walked that line confidently. I did everything right, took the antibiotics and cleaned the surgical sites with a ritualistic reverence. All of my focus went towards the pain in my mouth. And the other pain, the ache that had settled into the bones of our house and deep into my chest, went untreated.

Until it couldn’t anymore.

I pushed myself too hard, I understand that now. I had convinced myself that I was out of the woods entirely, that I hadn’t felt any real soreness for days, that I was ready to shut the door behind a miserable week. That afternoon, I went hiking with my best friend, and we caught up over coffee and pre-Christmas peppermint bark. She tried to mention Mema, and I pointed out a hawk in the trees ahead.

By the evening, I was curled up in excruciating pain, convinced that the left side of my jaw was cracking and splintering as I laid with a bag of ice that did no real good. Taking Ibuprofen was like trying to stamp out a forest fire.

With gritted teeth and an apology, I cracked open the bottle of Hydrocodone.

That night was one of the worst of my life. I dreamed apocalyptic wastelands, bodies fetid and festering after the pestilence of the pandemic that had already defined that year. I saw my grandmother, sweating in and out of sleep– alive for a moment, but dying again and again. In the confusion and haze, for just a moment, I thought she might have been a god.

My fever dream ended as a weak winter sun began to stream through the window. I was drained, more exhausted than I had been the night before, but the ache had disappeared and my head was clear. I stripped the sheets and washed off the night, plugged in my headphones, hit shuffle perched on her old bare mattress.

And I was catching my breath/

Staring out an open window, catching my death/

And I couldn’t be sure/

I had a feeling so peculiar, that this pain would be for/

Evermore

I didn’t even notice I was crying until the drops hit my legs. I do not think I could have stopped myself if I tried. But I had run out of the desire to control.

Hey December, guess I’m feeling unmoored/

Can’t remember what I used to fight for

Everything, my grandmother and mother have insisted, exists in moderation. But what is moderation when we feel in extremes?

I rewind the tape, but all it does it pause/

On the very moment all was lost/

Sending signals to be double-crossed

We are made for vices, for cigarettes and coffee and chocolate cake. We are made to cling to any semblance of control, and then to watch again and again as it slips away, and then we are made to try again.

When the tears ran out and the last notes played, I pulled myself up and grabbed my keys. On my way out of the door, I caught a glimpse of something on the kitchen counter– a small glass bowl filled with See’s lollies. We had bought a box to send her for Christmas the day before she died.

This is what she left behind. Plastic wrappers, wood chips. A gap in the family and four gaps in my jaws. Ninety-nine years of stories and stubbornness and Southern sensibility. I carry the weight of her within me, her love and her loss. I manage our pain the way that she taught me, with control and composure. But I’m learning my own ways too.

And I couldn’t be sure/

I had a feeling so peculiar, this pain wouldn’t be for/

Evermore

My fist closed around a butterscotch.

#stretch2021 #memoir

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wcdonaldo · 2 years ago

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nah I'm goin off about this under the cut

idk maybe I just feel a little too unlikable? maybe it's watching the schlubbiest schlubs of anime have meetcutes and be considered reasonably attractive that just makes me wanna reevaluate my life like

it might just be a self image problem but I can't really see myself as attractive to anyone. between my unreliability, inability to consistently pass, general depression, and dead end job, I have a hard time thinking of myself as being seen in that context. which I guess kinda explains why I spent up through high school trying to get a girlfriend and just haven't cared since I graduated? even the one or two girls who hit on me over the years flew right over my head cause like... the notion of actually being seen that way isn't really unwanted? just REALLY hard for me to understand

even if I were to try and get into that scene i don't even know where to start - my social skills have gotten somehow worse over the years (as evidenced by me posting this online instead of sending it to my therapist) and I don't even know where I'd meet people. I see people float tinder around but I always heard it's pretty bad for LGBT relationships. I don't even know if I'm not attracted to guys or if pop culture has just given me a bizarre standard to hold up to. not to mention that even if I pass physically I can't stay in head voice for too long without coughing up phlegm. it's just not my voice. so the idea of someone seeing me as a woman and being attracted to me literally beggars belief (it also hasn't happened since I transitioned to my knowledge). I don't even feel like I take care of myself in a feminine enough way to attract anyone; I always feel like I'm lacking motivation to dress in more than just pajamas or guy clothes, and it doesn't help that my thyroid problems fuck with my weight so much that all the pretty clothes I bought when I transitioned couldn't possibly fit me. plus the one person I live who could help me with any of this is four decades behind on self-care standards and either keeps forgetting she promised to help me build good habits or just never has the energy. there's a reason I haven't posted a single picture of myself online in 6 years, and it's certainly not because I don't have a camera.

in the end idk. I think of all the positivity posts that go around about how everybody does romance at their own pace and that's nice and I agree! but the notion of hitting 30 with absolutely no romantic experience is terrifying to me because it's certainly not by choice. especially when an absurd amount of people come to me for romance advice (absurd here meaning more than one. like have you met me). I don't really know what I'm doing and I feel like most of the advice ive personally seen is for skinny straight people... which I'm definitely not.

what is it about romance stories that drive me up the wall with the need to pull my life together

#ill probably copypaste this into an email to show my therapist tbh #but man it cleanses the brain to write it out

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matayu-sometimes-writes-stuff · 7 years ago

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On Final Fantasy XIII

I have to admit that I went into this game expecting to be disappointed. While I have intended for a while now to play through every non-MMO Final Fantasy game, at the time I started playing it I had only completed the original and FFII, and was around halfway through FFIII. The only reason I decided to play it now was availability; my brother had a copy, so I didn’t need to purchase it for myself.

I hadn’t really heard much about the game other than “It’s bad” and “It’s Final Hallway XIII lol”. And while there is certainly an argument to be made that FFXIII is objectively a bad game, and the “hallway” criticism (that most of the game’s areas are linear, with barely any deviation in route) is valid, I absolutely loved this game. I would not recommended it to anyone who isn’t determined to play it through, for reasons I’ll elaborate on later, but this is currently my favourite Final Fantasy game, beating out the original, II, III, and now IV (which I am at the final dungeon of as of this writing).

I’ll address the criticisms first. Beginning with the “hallway” criticism. Yes, of the game’s 13 chapters, only the area in chapter 11 (which can be revisited during chapter 13) offers any sort of exploration. It’s also where the game’s version of side quests are introduced. Note that although it’s labeled as chapter 11, almost two thirds of the game take place in this open area. I understand that this isn’t worth ten chapters of linearity to some people, but I actually found the linearity of the game to be quite enjoyable. Some people make the argument that the linearity is necessary for story purposes, as our six protagonists are fugitives from their government, and don’t have the time to be running around looking for twenty bear asses with the army breathing down their necks. This is a valid defense, but I have a much simpler one.

Of all the Final Fantasy games I’ve played, Final Fantasy XIII was the first and thus far only one where I didn’t need an internet walkthrough to figure out where the fuck I was supposed to fucking GO.

Maybe it’s because I’ve only played NES and SNES-era Final Fantasy games for comparison, but FFXII was so much more enjoyable simply because I didn’t need to constantly be checking a mile-long GameFAQs walkthough every twenty minutes or so, searching for place names or proper nouns just for some hint of where I needed to be. Now, this changed when I started doing the aforementioned side quests, if only because there’s no indication on the in-game map where the questgivers are unless the quest is active, but until that point I had no need for cross-checking a walkthrough. Hopefully this will get better when I finally get through the 16-bit era, but until then the linearity that I’ve heard so many people complain about is one of Final Fantasy XIII’s biggest draws for me. The linearity made the game more fun.

As mentioned earlier, the game only really opens up in chapter 11, which is where the majority of the game’s runtime is. This is because chapters 1 through 9, and most of 10, are the game’s tutorial.

These segments are roughly 20 hours long.

Final Fantasy XIII has a 20-hour-long tutorial. There’s really no way to spin that as a positive. The game uses that time to its advantage, introducing five of the six protagonists from the get-go and developing them in a way that I quite enjoyed, and will say more on later. The fact of the matter is, though, that 20 hours is a ridiculous time to spend teaching the player how to use your combat system. I’m not sure if it makes it better or worse that it does legitimately take 20 hours to master Final Fantasy XIII’s version of the Active Time Battle system.

Again, full disclosure, I wound up loving the combat system in FFXIII. But I didn’t understand how it worked until around chapter five. To explain, you have a party of at most three characters. You control one character directly, and the other two are controlled by the game’s AI, which takes its cues from you. Each character has a combination of three of six possible roles. You create what the game calls “paradigms”, six sets of any three of the available roles that you can freely switch between during combat. This allows for a party in trouble to switch on the fly from offensive classes to (for example) a tank and two healers. Once you get a handle on it, it’s very intuitive. The problem is, of course, how long it takes to get a handle on it. Twenty hours is still ridiculous.

Ultimately, a video game succeeds or fails on its gameplay. You can have the most gorgeous backgrounds, beautiful music, and memorable characters, but if the game is hard to play, all that falls by the wayside. Looking at you, Skyward Sword. But that’s a discussion for another time.

I’m sure the twenty-hour long tutorial turned people off of FFXIII when it first came out. I do agree that it’s ridiculous, and it’s most of the reason why I wouldn’t recommend the game to anyone who wanted something just to pick up and play. My brother, who you’ll remember is the one who actually owns the copy I played, never actually finished the game, nor has any desire to. I likely would have put it down myself if I hadn’t resolved myself to playing it all the way through. I’m glad I did. But if you aren’t approaching it with that mindset, I wouldn’t expect you to enjoy it.

Speaking of enjoying things, let’s move on to what I actually liked about this game, which is the story and characters. I don’t know how it stacks up against more contemporary Final Fantasy games, but I personally was glad to not be playing yet another Dungeons and Dragons campaign. The story is mostly driven by its characters.

Claire “Lightning” Farron is the face of Final Fantasy XIII, and the only character I knew about heading in. What I knew, or rather had heard, was that her character was “Cloud Strife but as a woman.” I’ll be the first to admit that, since I haven’t played Final Fantasy VII yet, I don’t know how firsthand how true this assessment is. However, from what I’ve been able to gather from pop-cultural osmosis, this is almost completely untrue. Lightning was designed with “female Cloud” in mind, but for the most part this is where the similarities end.

Lightning is essentially the single parent of her little sister Serah, and is overprotective of her to a fault. This has caused an estrangement between the two of them, exacerbated by Lightning’s disapproval of Serah’s fiancé, who will be discussed when we get to him. When Serah is cursed by what are essentially minor gods in this setting with a task that will either transform her into a mindless monster if she fails or put her in stasis potentially forever if she succeeds, Lighting sets out on a quest to rescue her from her fate, to the extent of defying her own gods-given task, and heaven help anyone who gets in her way.

One of the weaknesses of Final Fantasy XIII, in my opinion, is that the game’s engine doesn’t give its characters the most expressive of faces. Lightning is a very reserved person, but you are able to figure out how she’s feeling from careful consideration and inference based on what she says versus what she’s been through. This could be made much easier if the engine was capable of rendering microexpressions. I do kind of hope FFXIII will get a high-definition rerelease, if only so that this sort of thing could be added.

Lightning’s arc in this game (it continues slightly in Final Fantasy XII-2, and completes in Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII) involves her learning that even if Serah is getting married, it doesn’t mean she’s going to be alone in the world. She forges friendships that will last literal lifetimes with her fellow companions, one of whom is her future brother-in-law she despises so much.

Time to talk about him. Snow Villiers is a dumbass. A moron. An idiot. An airhead.

I love him so much.

I didn’t always. I actually started out hating him just as much as Lightning did. Snow wants to be a hero. Sorry, make that a Hero™. He’s the leader of a citizen’s militia in his and the Farron sisters’ hometown, and he believes that a true hero never needs a plan, because of the laws of narrative causality or some such bullshit. Naturally his arc involves him realizing that that’s a really, REALLY stupid way to live your life. It’s actually better than I’m making it sound: he goes through a gradual realization that his philosophy is hindering others more than helping them, and goes through some low points before he learns how to temper his enthusiasm with careful planning and coordination. Part of this is coming to the conclusion that he can still be heroic, even if he (or anyone, really) can’t live up to the platonic ideal of heroism he has constructed for himself. I began by hating him, by the end of FFXIII I loved hating him, and by the end of the trilogy I actually genuinely grew to love him. But that’s a story for another time. Snow’s motivation is actually the same as Lightning’s: to rescue Serah Farron from her fate, regardless of who or what gets in the way.

One of the people hurt by Snow’s general idiocy is another of our protagonists: a young boy of fourteen named Hope Estheim, whose mother volunteers to fight alongside Snow to defend her son. Her death isn’t COMPLETELY Snow’s fault, but both Snow and Hope act as if it is. It doesn’t help that she shares a name, Nora, with Snow’s militia. (No Obligations, Rules, or Authority. No, seriously.) Hope’s initial motivation is revenge against Snow. To the point of murder. Naturally this doesn’t play out, but Hope’s interactions with Lightning and Snow are a guiding factor in their own arcs, giving Lightning the familiar ground of a big-sister role as she teaches him how to survive on the run, and showing Snow that heroism is still possible even if you don’t match Snow’s ideal. (To elaborate, when given the opportunity to take revenge for his mother, Hope not only can’t go through with it, but shortly after that actually defends an unconscious Snow after the two survive a several-story fall.)

Hope comes into his own after reuniting with his father, whom he was afraid would shun him both for not being able to save his mother, and for becoming one of the gods-cursed beings that the general public are being made to fear. Bartholomew Estheim not only reassures him that he would never feel that way about his own son, but gives Hope the confidence he needs to stand up and take action of his own accord, rather than reacting to what’s happening to him as he had been doing. Hope’s a good kid.

To contrast, Sazh Katzroy is a good father. He’s the oldest member of the main cast, old enough to have a young son, Dajh. Dajh is cursed in a similar way to Serah, and Sazh’s journey is about trying to get him back from the government, who in a cruel twist are using the powers the curse gave him to hunt our protagonists. Sazh is effectively the team dad, and honestly his arc can be summed up with a single GIF of Marlin from Finding Nemo. “Have you seen my son?!”

Kidding aside, what Sazh has to go through are probably the most realistically terrifying events of the game. He’s a single father whose preschool-aged son is not just missing, but has been taken from him. And like everyone else under the curse, Dajh is on a ticking clock to decide which fate worse than death awaits him. There’s actual, realistic fear there, and I did really care about seeing the two reunited.

Sazh also got the chance to act as a surrogate father to Oerba Dia Vanille, the fifth and final character who’s introduced from the get-go. For initially unexplained reasons, she’s the only member of the main cast (that we’ve met) with an Australian accent. She’s bubbly, peppy, and dealing with a trainload of internalized guilt over events that happened 500 years before the game even began.

Vanille, along with our sixth and later introduced really final party member, are the last survivors of a civilization that fought and lost a war against the floating colony the rest of the cast lives in 500 years ago. The two of them were cursed way back then, and entered stasis until the present day. Vanille is a gentle soul, and was horrified both at the number of innocent people she had killed way back when to complete her task, and at what her awakening had brought: both Serah and Dajh were cursed, by different gods, directly because of it. There’s actually a very touching scene shown as a flashback of Vanille meeting Serah a day or two before the events of the game proper, in which she essentially apologizes for what she’s done, and Serah forgives her despite not really understanding the extent of what Vanille was apologizing for. There’s also an even more powerful scene when Sazh finds out that what happened to Dajh was Vanille’s fault, after spending roughly a full day trying to keep the young woman alive. Sazh has a tough decision to make, but it ultimately results in Vanille realizing that she is worthy of forgiveness, which she can achieve by joining with the other characters to save the people she was tasked with destroying.

The sixth and final party member is Oerba Yun Fang, introduced about a chapter or so after the rest as a “mysterious woman” before swooping in with an appropriately named renegade army faction (the Cavalry) to save the other characters from a tight spot. She also has an Australian accent, marking her and Vanille as native to the surface of the planet. (The difference is that Vanille’s VA is actually Australian. Fang’s is not.)

Fang is in many ways a foil to Lightning. She has the same sort of big sister relationship to Vanille that Lightning has with Serah; although where Lightning is overprotective because she doesn’t want to lose her only family, Fang is overprotective because she and Vanille are literally the only members of their people left alive (to their and our knowledge), and they are actively being hunted down by a hostile nation. Fang’s motivation is to keep Vanille safe, at any cost, even her own humanity. There’s an often-quoted line: “I’ll tear down the sky if it’ll save her.” There are some people who view Fang and Vanille’s relationship as romantic, and while I understand where they’re coming from, I prefer the parity it gives the narrative if Fang and Vanille’s relationship is incredibly similar to that of Lightning and Serah’s. While Lightning learns to overcome her unfounded distrust of others, Fang is overcoming her very well founded distrust of others. Both women learn to open up to their companions; that they aren’t as alone in the world as they feel they have to be.

I also really loved the ending of this game, so spoilers follow. The heroes win; what kind of Final Fantasy game would it be if the villain wins, eh? Though the floating colony does get dropped on the planet, our heroes were able to convince the army to evacuate the colony instead of fighting to the death, which means most of the civilians survived. Fang and Vanille, however, sacrificed themselves to stasis in crystal for an unknown amount of time to create a support pillar for the colony; it forms into the logo for the game, which I thought was a clever touch. Lightning, Snow, Sazh, and Hope are all rocketed to the surface of the planet, but survive via also being turned to crystal; they are freed from the stasis and the brands indicating them as cursed have mysteriously vanished. Out of the wreckage walks Serah and Dajh, also freed from the curse, to reunite with their families. Bartholomew Estheim is nowhere to be seen, but a codex entry in XIII-2 confirms that he survived and reunited with Hope after the fact. I would have liked for him to be there, but I understand that showing the reunion with Serah (and Dajh) was more important. It was a bit jarring hearing Leona Lewis in 2017, as I had forgotten she even existed, but apparently there was no way to translate the Japanese theme into English and have it still be lyrical AND make sense, so they substituted an English song with the same thematic elements. It’s a nice song, and it works. This was a good ending to a good story in a maybe-okay-at-best game.

Beautiful music, lovely visuals, fantastic characters that play off each other, stacked up against a control system that takes almost a full day to learn, a slightly sluggish camera, and a linear, story-driven game world (which apparently counts as a bad thing for some reason). I love this game. I’ve heard very good things about VI, and everyone always gushes over VII and IX, but until I get to those, I have my favourite Final Fantasy, and it’s XIII.

#Final Fantasy XIII #blogything #i love this goddam game #Final Fantasy

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frostybeats · 6 years ago

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Favorite Albums of 2018

Here we are, another year in the books. I thought I’d compile a list of some of my favorite projects that artists did this year. Mind you, this is not a list of the most critically acclaimed albums of 2018, these were some of my favorites to listen to this year. I thought this was an amazing year for rap, especially this summer, so I’ve included quite a few rap records. I was still listening to a lot of music from 2017, but this list will focus strictly on what came out this year. There is no order of favorites. Without further ado, let’s dive in.

Astroworld - Travis Scott

You can’t talk music in 2018 without mentioning Astroworld. Was the album overhyped? Absolutely. Does that mean it didn’t deliver? No way. People were acting like Travis hadn’t done anything in half a decade, when in reality it had been less than 2 years since his sophomore effort, Birds in the Trap, and he had dropped the collab, Huncho-Jack, with Quavo at the end of 2017. Still, fans and artists alike salivated at the mention of Astroworld. The man even made a Jordan 4 to contribute to the album’s hype. Astroworld delivers immediately and rewards multiple listens, I consistently find new things in this album to appreciate. Travis is back with the signature ad-libs, old and new, and an all-star feature cast that rivals that of an Avengers movie. The album feels like a rollercoaster, roaring at a fast pace with plenty of thrills, but there are also some slower tracks to even the ride out. Travis has never been about deep material though. He’s always been about having a good time, especially this time around. It’s an absolute go to when you want to get lit like a Christmas tree. The beat switch ups (see Stargazing) are akin to maniacally switching lanes on a highway. Just watch out for the groups of frat boys that start dancing in a circle and shouting when Sicko Mode comes on at a bar.

Top 3: No Bystanders, Sicko Mode, Coffee Bean

Swimming - Mac Miller

“Every day I wake up and breathe. I don’t have it all, but that’s alright with me.”

Okay, I know I said I wasn’t doing this list in order, but Swimming is near, if not at, the top of albums this year for me. GO:OD AM still remains my favorite Mac project, but Swimming is probably his best project, critically. I probably could, and may, do a track-by-track review of this album. Mac is producing at his best, it’s a listen that flows smooth from start to finish without anything really feeling out of place. The album holds true to it’s name, with tracks see-sawing back and forth between sounding like having your head above the water and being pulled deep under the waves. The J. Cole produced “Hurt Feelings” will take you to the ocean floor, while “Jet Fuel” will have you drifting across the surface. Thundercat lays down some incredible bass lines, and John Mayer even makes an appearance on “Small Worlds”. “2009” is a track that hits right in the feels, recounting the change, both good and bad, since stepping into the limelight. Swimming is a journey of self-acceptance, and being okay with life even when you don’t triumph, a tragic message given Mac’s passing just a month after the record’s release. I related to many of these songs on a personal level with my own struggles in 2018, the album came out exactly when I needed it. Rest in peace, Mac. Most dope…forever.

Top 3: Hurt Feelings, 2009, Self Care

Honorable Mention: It didn’t make the album, but go listen to “Programs”; it’s so buttery

Proper Dose - The Story So Far

This band has yet to disappoint and gets better with each album they do, I’m thankful for that since it’s a rare thing. The album moves fast with a combination of tracks that are best listened to while flying down the highway or cruising with the windows down on a nice day. Classic pop-punk vibes are present on “Need To Know” and the title track, while the band explores a new, more melodic sound on “Upside Down” and “Growing On You”. The most welcome new addition is Parker’s ability to sing, progressing from his shouting-style on previous albums; “Take Me As You Please” showcases this beautifully. Ryan Torf also deserves a lot of credit for the air tight drums on every track. The percussion is a huge standout. This album was made to be blasted in a car on a summer day.

Top 3: Out Of It, Light Year, Take Me As You Please

YSIV - Logic

I tried to keep it to one project per artist, so this beat out Bobby Tarantino II for me. Logic has dropped at least one project every year since 2010, let that sink in. Somehow, he has managed to not sound overdone or saturated, a true testament to his craft and workaholic nature. YSIV (Young Sinatra IV) revisits the 90-style boom-bap sound of his Young Sinatra mixtape trilogy that got him known. Logic sounds like he walked through a portal and it’s the early 2010s again, but his raps and 6ix’s production have both ascended to a new level. 1-800 fans will be very confused as the bar-hungry Logic of old resurfaces to show people that he’s still an animal on the mic with tracks like “Everybody Dies” and “The Return”. If you like straight bars then this is the album for you. The ENTIRE Wu Tang Clan makes an appearance on the song “Wu Tang Forever”. “Street Dreams II” is storytelling at it’s best, an ode to the style of rap that dominated the 90s. YSIV sounds like a genuine continuation of the Young Sinatra era, rather than a sequel or remake that tries too hard to be like the original. The only thing missing is an iconic Marty Randolph skit.

Top 3: The Return, Street Dreams II, Ordinary Day

A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships - The 1975

The working title “Music for Cars” sent fans into a frenzy thinking that the band was revisiting their early days. A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships proved to be the opposite by pushing the boundaries of the band’s sound. Yes, there are songs like TOOTIME and the single, “Love It If We Made It” that would sound perfectly at home on the previous album, but there are also jazzy songs like “Mine” and “Sincerity Is Scary” that we’ve never heard from this eclectic, pop quartet. The album explores a wide pallet of emotions, mostly surrounding love and relationships in the present day. They even propose the not so farfetched idea that we’re in a relationship with the internet and social media on “The Man Who Married a Robot”. I’ve always gravitated toward the instrumental interludes/tracks on The 1975 projects (excluding the remixed intros), but I also really enjoyed the softer songs as well on this one. This band has always encompassed many different feelings on their projects, but it’s broadcast on a similar spectrum for a given project. It’s hard to put this band in a box, and I really like that.

Top 3: Love Theme, Surrounded By Heads And Bodies, I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes)

K.O.D. - J. Cole

Anytime J. Cole has been quiet for what seems like too long you can guarantee he’s about to drop something. K.O.D. officially marks the end of the Forest Hills Drive era that was continued on 4 Your Eyez. The album is a bit of an uncomfortable, medicated listen, start to finish, but that’s the point. It hits close to home for those that have struggled with addiction personally, or witnessed friends and family grapple. Cole warns listeners of the dangers of addiction and drug abuse, especially as a staple of the modern rap scene. However, Cole shows us that addiction isn’t just substance based, but also comes in the forms of social media and ego, with deeper rooted problems that we cover with these things rather than face head on. “Photograph” calls out the ego-stroke that Instagram has turned into. Cole impressively comes off from a place of concern, rather than being preachy. The album isn’t an easy listen, but it’s a necessary one.

Top 3: Photograph, Kevin’s Heart, BRACKETS

Culture II - Migos

Migos wasted no time in following their 2017 breakthrough, Culture. Culture II essentially keeps the record spinning with a slew of new songs. A friend once said to me that most of Migos sounds the same, and there’s a lot of truth to that. But their triplet bar scheme is still catchy and a lot of these tracks are just a fun listen, whether you’re working out, cooking up a storm in the kitchen, or getting together with friends. “Supastars” and “Auto Pilot” are straight hype tracks, and the now ironic “Motorsport” slaps with the Nicki Minaj & Cardi B features. “Stir Fry” is a track that you can immediately hear Pharrell on despite his lack of vocals. Culture II is jam packed with lines that we’ve seen everyone use as Instagram captions throughout 2018, don’t count on that trend stopping anytime soon with Culture III already slated for early 2019.

Top 3: Motorsport, Movin’ Too Fast, Auto Pilot

Scorpion - Drake

There’s a lot I can say about Scorpion, I’ll try and keep it brief. The gargantuan work is a double album, split into 2 sides. Side A is more rap heavy, while Side B is moody R&B. The production on this record is phenomenal, 40 and OVO Sound killed this one. Scorpion feels like the long awaited followup to Take Care that so many people (myself included) have spent the past 7 years dreaming of. This isn’t the “beat your chest”, angry Drake of If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late, or the British, grime-stint that was More Life. This is Drake at his best, simply being Drake. He’s braggadocios on “Nonstop” (with the now iconic Tay Keith production tag) and “Talk Up” (with an amazing verse by Hov). He’s moody, with in your feels songs like “Jaded” that will keep you up past 3 AM thinking about relationships that you were never in. He finds himself attempting to navigate life on “8 Out Of 10” and “March 14th”. Scorpion is well worth the long listen, with a wide array of offerings. In my opinion, this is Drake’s best project since Nothing Was the Same.

Top 3: Jaded, Nonstop, 8 Out Of 10

Honorary Mention (so many songs!): Sandra’s Rose

Man of the Woods - Justin Timberlake

I wish it didn’t always take this man half a decade to make new music, but I’m okay with quality over quantity. A homage to his son, Man of the Woods finds JT at his pop roots, but attempting to blend in some folk here and there for some robust notes. Most of the time it works out. “Say Something”, with Chris Stapleton, is a prime example. “Montana” will sound a bit more familiar to fans that know his signature pop sound. “Midnight Summer Jam” is the sweet spot between these two sounds that will have you grooving. There’s an interlude that’s reminiscent of “Blue Ocean Floor” on 20/20 (a sound I wish he’d make a whole album with). The Alicia Keys duet, “Morning Light”, feels like waking up on a sunny day after a great night’s sleep without a care in the world. Man of the Woods showcases JT’s versatility and willingness to take risks and push boundaries as a pop artist in a genre that often sounds repetitive. Most of the time it’s rewarding, and even when it’s off-step I still appreciate the effort. This album definitely grew on me after multiple listens.

Top 3: Midnight Summer Jam, Wave, Montana

Ye - Kanye West

Okay, Kanye had quite the year… let’s stick to the music. Ye was apparently recorded mere weeks before the deadline, the album cover was shot on the way to the release party. Kanye apparently scrapped the Love Everyone album (rumored to be the upcoming Yandhi) after the whole MAGA controversy, when he received “new creative energy”. Ye is a short listen, seven tracks just shy of 24 minutes (a common them on all the projects Kanye worked on this year). The album packs a lot of content in for a short listen though, mainly addressing mental health, Kanye’s struggle with bipolar disorder (aka his “superpower”), and the turbulent year he had. Production is one of the highlights on the album; it opens with a dreamy sequence as Kanye speaks some dark lines, a stark juxtaposition. “Ghost Town” is the emotional climax of the album; Kid Cudi, 070 Shake, and PartyNextDoor nail their features, while Kanye delivers some of his best lines on the album. Kanye closes out on “Violent Crimes” with a touching note reflecting on his past behavior as a man and how he now worries for his daughter as she grows up in the world today. It’s a fairly cohesive album for such a rushed project, definitely better put together than The Life of Pablo. Say what you want about Mr. West, but the man is a musical genius.

Top 3: Ghost Town, No Mistakes, Yikes

Kids See Ghosts - Kids See Ghosts

People lost it when rumors dropped last fall that Ye and Cudi were working on a joint album. The idea sounded like a home run and something that needed to happen, especially after the momentary feud between the two as Cudi struggled with his mental health at the end of 2016. Kids See Ghosts delivers tenfold, and, in my opinion, is the better effort from Kanye this year (it’s a joint album so it’s an acceptation to my 1 project per artist rule). Ye and Cudi have always brought out the best in each other creatively, they’re yin and yang. “Feel the Love” starts the listen with Cudi chanting and harsh hitting production as Kanye shouts akin to a tommy gun. It sounds like the duo are using their voices as instruments and having fun with it, a theme present across all seven songs. Kanye chops up a 1930s Christmas song to make a banger on “4th Dimension”. As the album progresses, the two tackle their personal issues and struggles, slaying their demons, and coming out rejuvenated on the other side. Cudi returns with his signature hums and hooks, transitioning between rapping his ass off and gently delivering his verses. He delivers a new anthem with “Reborn”, assuring the world that he’s okay. Kanye saved his best bars for this album, delivering some of his best verses since Dark Twisted Fantasy (yes, I said it). Kids See Ghosts is trip that is a far more cohesive listen than Ye (not to take away from Kanye’s solo effort), and is a project that we sorely needed this year. It shows that Cudi is in a better place than in 2016 and the duo can still do what they do best: make good music. While “all killer, no filler”, it’s is a bit of a bummer that the album is only seven songs long, but the fact that they both want to do another certainly makes up for it.

Top 3: Reborn, 4th Dimension, Feel the Love

Testing - A$AP Rocky

We last heard from A$AP Rocky in 2015. Flacko makes his return in 2018 with Testing, an experimental venture. As soon as the staticky bass drops on “Distorted Records” you know that this project is going to be different. True to it’s name, testing offers a variety of sounds with no clear identity. The record feels like a stepping stone as to where Rocky is going, rather than where he is at right now. “Hun43rd” will take longtime A$AP fans back to the early 2010s, while “Buck Shots” will make you curious to see where Rocky goes in the future. Harder beats are contrasted with tracks that focus on gentle guitar strumming, like “Changes” and “Purity”. A lot of rappers tend to play it safe and not experiment much with their sound while focusing on their bars and going with whatever beat is considered “fire” at that moment. It’s rare to see someone, especially a big name like A$AP, really try a variety of sounds and put out an abstract project. It may not be what we expected after At.Long.Last.A$AP, but I give serious props to Rocky for trying something different and look forward to his next project, even if it’s another wait.

Top 3: Hun43rd, Buck Shots, Changes

Little Dark Age - MGMT

This one quietly flew under the radar. MGMT made their return with their first release in half a decade. While apparently inspired by the 2016 election, the album carries little political discourse. Without changing their sound too much, the duo delivers a throwback to the 80s. This album is an absolute bop, plain and simple. Despite sounding like it came from a time capsule, the album addresses a variety of topics relevant to society today. “Time Spent Looking at My Phone” warns of how engrossed we have become with social media and our smartphones and are oblivious to the world around us. “Me and Michael” sounds like a Hall & Oates tribute. Overall the album is a fun listen start to finish, the band’s core sound and the 80s make for an awesome crossover. It’s just really nice to have MGMT back.

Top 3: Me and Michael, James, One Thing Left to Try

Championships - Meek Mill

2018 has been a huge year for Meek. He got released from prison and became an advocate for judicial reform (if you aren’t familiar with the situation I implore you to read up on it because the media seriously misrepresented the facts to make him look like the bad guy and it goes to show the issues in our criminal justice system and the improvements that need to be made), the blockbuster beef with Drake was squashed onstage by performing Dreams and Nightmares (one of the greatest intros of all time), and he capped it off with an album. Championships is a victory lap, celebrating his comeback from a rough stretch involving some major losses. Funky vibes are present all over the album, which is uncharacteristic, but welcome for the usually hard hitting MC. Meek still raps about money, women, and his gritty past over beats that will blow out your speakers if you’re not careful, but also reflects on bigger topics like social injustice on “What’s Free” and “Trauma”. Amends are made with Drake on “Going Bad”. Meek once again proves that he’s undefeated when it comes to intros with a Phil Collins sample. Championships is the celebration of a man that took his lumps and came back, pop some bottles and join in on the party.

Top 3: What’s Free?, Dangerous, Pay You Back

Tha Carter V - Lil Wayne

Word of The Carter V surfaced before I started college… I finished grad school this past year. The album spent the better part of the decade tied up amid legal battles and feuding with Wayne’s old mentor, Birdman, and Cash Money Records. Wayne spent the time releasing various projects to try and satisfy the demand. Carter V seemed to be this decade’s Detox, an album we would always hear about but never actually get. Thank goodness that was not the case. The album clocks in just shy of 90 minutes, a hefty listen. But remember, the album was once slated for a 2013 release and contains material recorded as far back as 2012. Personally, I’m glad Wayne decided to include as much material as he did, this was a long time coming. It’s easily his best project in quite some time and reminds people of why Wayne dominated last decade. There’s something to offer Wayne fans of all eras, Mixtape Weezy, early Carter, and experimental Wayne are all present on this record. Hype tracks like “Uproar” are contrasted with duets like “Dark Side of the Moon”. Wayne lights up verses on “Let It Fly” and “Mona Lisa” (which also contains an impressive appearance from Kendrick). The record is a fun listen start to finish, welcome back, Weezy.

Top 3: Dope New Gospel, What About Me, Let It Fly

Daytona - Pusha T

Daytona had expectations. We last heard from Push in 2015 and this was the first of the wave of albums from G.O.O.D. Music this summer, not to mention one of the ones that was recorded during Kanye’s sojourn in Wyoming and also featured the photo of the late Whitney Houston’s bathroom as the controversial album cover. Daytona sounds like a modern take on the 90s boom-bap sound. Kanye West reminds everyone that he is a producer turned rapper, with top-tier production as executive producer and makes an appearance on “What Would Meek Do?”. Push then gobbles up these sensational beats akin to someone that waited all day to eat Thanksgiving dinner. The new G.O.O.D. CEO hits hard with the verses on every track and pulls no punches. “Infrared” brought his longtime beef with Drake from a simmer to a full boil and laid the ground for one of the most elaborate, methodical spillings of tea that music saw in some time. Originally intended to be King Push, Kanye and Push apparently decided to scrap 2 full albums before creating what would become Daytona, the wait and process was well worth it. The production is some of 2018’s best and the verses back it up. The drug dealer turned executive talks the talk and walks the walk. Yes it’s very early, but I’ll say it: this album will go down as a classic and be remembered as one of the better rap albums of the late 2010s.

Top 3: The Games We Play, Hard Piano, If You Know You Know

And finally, it’s been over 2 years, but go listen to Frank Ocean’s Blonde again. That album has aged like a fine wine.

#music #rap #hiphop #rock #punk #pop #review

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swearronchanel · 8 years ago

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Who let me watch 5.06?

I should be doing an assignment that’s due tomorrow but ya know due tomorrow means do tomorrow. Lol I know I should be ashamed to be a procrastinator but university has ruined me anyway. I’m tired from literally going to one lecture haha, but in any event I’ve been rewatching mad men for the who knows what time but I thought I’d take a break from all that and watch an episode of CtM & @flyingnonny inspired me to do a reaction post so why not? I decided on 5.06 since last Sunday’s episode reminded us of that camping trip 😂😂 here goes nothing..

*skips intro bc I’m impatient*

Cute community moment ☺️

TRIXIE😍 slaying my life

Shelagh looks so good too 😍 and Angela melting my heart!

Why is shelagh forever wearing cardigans? I like cardigans every now and then but all the time, really?

Everyone is sitting outside, Trixie is in a sleeveless dress, as is Barbara, so it has to be warm?? take it off Shelagh

She’s still my bby though even if I don’t always agree with her fashion choices

what gross vejo pinching Trixie’s ass? That’s not ok

And Babs too lmao, creepy old man, die

Shelagh saying “hello dear” aw

But this is like the only interaction between Shelagh and Trixie & that does not suffice !!

ALL I WANT IS FOR THEM TO HAVE AN ACTUAL FRIENDSHIP IDC HOW MANY TIMES IVE SAID IT I REALLY Want it😭😭💕💕 my two fav bbys

I HAVE EVEN GIVEN REASONS WHY & I CAN GIVE THEM AGAIN *** 1) Why not?? Shelagh has like no real friends besides her husband and sort of Sister Julienne?

2) just please, because I’m asking nicely 3) When Shelagh was Sister Bernadette she was often friendly/ in the gossip and conversation with the nurses & remember that one time Trixie grabbed her to come listen to Jenny’s phone conversation?

4) Trixie was the only one besides Sister Julienne to visit her in the sanatorium. That has to count for something! 5) They’ve both been on the show since day 1 & have known each other the longest (besides the nuns) why wouldn’t they be friends or least actually speak to each other?

Aye this is the lady who’s fake pregnant

Shelagh wearing earrings though >> here for it

Sorry there will be a lot of gushing over Shelagh and Trixie

And also I WANT TRIXIE’S HOOP EARRINGS SO BAD, where can I find them??

And how do I get her clothes and figure and her everything lol?

PHYLLIS ! My champion

“Would it have killed you to sit down for five minutes and eat the whole thing!” I LOVE HER, SHE IS A GEM, A HERO, A BADASS & IM NOT READY FOR SUNDAY. IM GOING TO BAWL WITH AND FOR HER

she deserves the best

I think this is the only time I’ve ever heard Trixie address Shelagh by her first name?? a prob.

They need to interact more 😭💔💕😍 I will stop saying it when I’m dead even then I’ll prob say it

Actually when I think of it no one ever calls Shelagh by her first name besides obviously Patrick? And Sister Julienne

#MoreShelaghAndTheOtherNursesInteracting2k17aka1962

And I need at least two seconds of them dotting on pregnant Shelagh

Helen looks so good like goals

“I threatened to put one man over my knee but that only encouraged him” HA IM DEAD NO KINK SHAME

I think there’s been a similar joke before but fuck it it’s still funny to me

But seriously everyone loves Trixie lol how could you not though?

Hey Pats, it’s been a while

Lol omg Tim in that uniform.. Not the best costume 😂😂

Never seen Whistle Down the Wind

But you see, Tom and Babs making out as usual, I’m not knocking it lol but this is why Sister J told her to chill when they went to South Africa😂

also lowkey jealous bc Jack Ashton is handsome af and that could’ve been me but it’s all good. He and Helen are adorable together and I’m here for it x10000

Omg I forgot this lady got assaulted

Oh shit I just remembered this is the episode where sister MC is attacked FUCK WHY DID I WATCH THIS

she can’t report it bc she’d get arrested for soliciting wtf

But remember Shelagh wore the headbands in like series 3 (so glad she stopped I was not here for it)? They must’ve gave them to Babs lol

I forgot Trixie didn’t tell the nurses about AA yet

But she looks gorgeous as ever, even with her mascara running

Lowkey nauseas looking at all that fish ugh. Funny becuase they put a grocery store that has a fish market on the block up from where I live in NYC and I hate it

I forgot about Peter lol and he was in an episode this series whoops

LIKE WHERE’S YOUR WIFE LOL, *I know, too busy for this, I don’t think she’d fit in the series anymore anyway*

Sister Mary Cynthia 😰❣️

Lol she doesn’t sing loud enough ??

Sister Julienne is so cute when she smiles but don’t forget she’s a badass

REMEMBER THE AGGRESSIVE JACKET FLAP BC OF THE IRRITATING SISTER URSULA

How did this girl hide her pregnancy though?

And did her brothers just not realize she was pregnant and the mother wasn’t?

Oh jeez my cousin was a colic-y baby and my parents kept him like 3 days a week when I was in high school & it was a nightmare. I didn’t sleep for so long

Dont get me wrong I love babies. But when they scream when I’m trying to sleep, nope. Return to sender.

Shelagh is so excited about camping it’s the purest and most adorable thing 😭😭And I like her shirt

Shelagh made Tim copy the napkin folding from a magazine, SHE IS A GEM

“We never have serviettes on a weeknight” wtf did they just not use napkins every day? I’m confused Lmaoo. What am I missing here 😂omg that reminds me of one of the times my family and I went on a cruise (2006, hella long time ago already wow?? 11 yrs yikes) and my brother & cousin were late to dinner and lied to my mom & aunt saying they were at a “napkin folding class” & my family deadass believed it up until 2 years ago😂

Shelagh’s accent is so cute. I’ve said that many times but it’s so sweet. But again why do we just have to accept she’s Scottish with no context as to how/why she came to England? Like I’m sure there were convents in Scotland. I dont even care that much I just will forever be curious as to why it seems she had no life before she got married lol? Like they don’t ever bring up the fact she was a nun, but ok maybe she feels awkward talking about it but what about before?

They’re so excited it’s so precious, protect this family 😂😭💕💕

Sister MJ is fasting lol I should try it😂

Omg another dumb story, I didn’t realize today is Ash Wednesday and was hella confused seeing some people with ash on their forehead 😂😂 I should give up something for lent but idk what, we shall see. My mom gave up carbs last year & I died bc I lived at home and ate what she cooked and almost all my fav foods are carbs😂

Shelagh referred to Patsy as Patsy, I’ve only ever heard her say Nurse Mount??

lol Tim you’re what 14? you know damn well those arent* bullet holes

at least he has some of his innocence still. I didn’t @ 14

Sometimes I forget I’m gonna be 19 this year wtf. I’ve accidentally told people I’m 16 before and had to correct myself 😂😂

Patrick is excited about this holiday, boy you don’t know what’s coming 😂

HE’S GONNA ATTACK THE LADY WITH A BABY I FORGOT THAT TOO WTF

I wanna fight him

Diane’s anemic ? Or her mum is just assuming

SHELAGH IN HER CAMPING OUTFIT!! The hair scarf and trousers !! I’m so here for it 😍😭

I want to see her in another pair!! yes lets get it 1962. Probably not likely this series but hopefully next series!! Ah can’t wait

Shit this series is almost over 💔💔 but omg 1963 gonna be lit as well?!

Like the space race started/orbiting the earth, Kennedy’s assassination .. wait never mind lol I’m thinking of American History moments. but still a lot of it was crazy world news so maybe it’s mentioned?? first bond film came out in'63, petition for Tim to go take Susan whatever from around the corner to see it since we know he liked the novels

Lots of famous films came out in ‘63 so there’s gotta be some reference.

Fun fact: I love pop culture references in period drama bc I’m lame jk I’m majoring in education (to teach history)

Old news but still relevant: Phyllis’s turn on: Rolodex systems 📇

“CRANE, as in the wading bird or industry lifting equipment, whichever you prefer” LOVE U PHYLLIS, YOU CORRECT HIM

PHYLLIS’S FACE WHEN GODFREY SUGGESTS SHE CAME OUT OF RETIREMENT, IM DEAD

“I shall consider retirement when I’m at the appropriate age” IM LAUGHING SO HARD, FUCK YEA PHYLLIS. I LOVE HER SO MUCH, LINDA BASSET IS ON THE LIST WITH LAURA AND HELEN OF PEOPLE WHO COULD PUCH ME IN THE FACE AND I’D THANK

LOL SHELAGH JUST STANDING AWKWARDLY LISTENING TO THIS CONVERSATION

“Buenos vacaciones” I NEED MORE PHYLLIS WORKING ON HER SPANISH I LOVE IT, Ella es oro.

lol the roof rack, bet it was Phyllis’s they borrowed when they moved

PHYLLIS’S FACE OF DISGUST WHEN DR GODFREY SMILES AT HER IS ME ALWAYS

LOL THE THE NURSES & SISTER WINIFRED DYING OVER PATRICK’S SHORTS (EVen though sister W “swears she’s not looking”)

I THINK THE SOCKS AND WHITE DAD SANDALS ARE MORE AMUSING 😂😂

Poor Judith💔

It’s a vicious attack Sister J! But you don’t know it yet so I get u

Here comes summer..😂

SETTING UP IN THE POURING RAIN LOL

Shelagh and Angela being adorable !!

Tim and Patrick proud that they set the tents up & boom it falls 😂 which is symbolic for me taking exams, I think I did well or at least decent on them and then I find out I failed by like 5 points

Nonnatus table scenes <3 😭

”I’ve seen more dangerous marshmallow bunnies“ lmao Pats this is a serious moment I shouldn’t laugh

Shelagh took off her glasses 😉😏 but fr how is Laura Main so perfect

Patrick put scotch in its lit, pass it over😏

Lol Shelagh drinking is a strange thought but I’m so here for it. Nuns can’t drink right? Idk. Imagine her drinking alcohol for the first time and just getting drunk 😂 we know Patrick and Tim are lightweights getting drunk off one beer so I assume shelagh would too😂

Damn it Patrick, you spilled your cup. Furthermore proving you’re a disaster 😭

LMAO SHELAGH’s “WTF” FACE WHEN SHE ASKS PATRICK WHAT HE’S THINKING ABOUT AND HE SAID THE ULCER CLINIC

LIKE C'MON PATRICK YOU KNOW WHERE SHELAGH WAS TRYNA GO WITH THAT😂

“And if you don’t mind my saying so, you’re not exactly Cliff Richards yourself” SHELAGH 😂😂 another great line of hers, love it

I love their playful banter lol we need more of that 😂 but lets be real series 6 has had some of the greatest Shelagh and Patrick moments so I can’t complain 😭😍

Peter and Barbara is such a unusual dynamic haha

“How is chummy?” Wait does Babs even know Chummy? I don’t even remember if they met tbh

But for real Shelagh did you really think Patrick would just forget about work completely ??

Lol Angela crying because she is petrified of squirrels😂😂and Shelagh running to her is so cute.

Why didn’t she just get rid of the *creepy* squirrel nutkin book? it seemed like they still had it in series 6 haha

rice pudding is I think the same as aroz con leche, lol it’s gross sorry

Diane’s water broke oh shit

the Turners all in the tent playing I spy bc it’s raining haha

I went camping for the first and last time this past summer w/ my sister in laws & her friends, it was awful 😂😂 I got like 100 mosquito bites that became welts, i literally slept in the car the second night & it was mid July fairly south of east coast aka it was humid and sticky af , there were wild horses that walked around..Thank God they brought alcohol cause it was a nightmare I don’t wanna remember 😂😂

ANGELA IS SO CUTE UGH & ANOTHER GREAT SHELAGH FACE😂

lol yes go to a hotel, should’ve done that from the get

So what exactly does Fred run? some civil defense thing?

She’s in labor and can’t even scream omg, I’m screaming

“They are often incorrect in their opinion” Sister MJ is a gem. I want someone to look at me the way Sister MJ looks at cake and the television

Phyllis yelling at Dr Godfrey😂

PATS’S FACE OF DISGUST IS ALSO ME

HOW DO THESE WOMEN GIVE BIRTH STANDING/SITTING UP?? AHHHH

There you are Beatrix, it’s been a while

Patsy being suspicious with the card game line lol. but when is Trixie going to find out about Patsy and Delia?

SHE RIPPED OUT HER WOMB?! WTF OMG IM SCREAMING

THIS HURTS TO WATCH AHH

Trixie and Sister MC to the rescue but omg this is wild I forgot

Fred wtf you can’t be sneaking up like that

DONT LEAVE SISTER MC ALONE TRIXIE

NOO, IM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS

“There are flowers on the table, and feathers in these pillows, that’s all the nature I need to get back to” I feel you Patrick lol, I like nature but not camping

Lol remember Shelagh’s old nightgown? ah I don’t miss it. The bri nylon is such a look™ & obviously has magically powers i.e this miraculous conception.

“..or they’ve been mulled to death by squirrels” IM DEAD HAHA THAT WAS A GOOD DAD JOKE, NICE ONE PATRICK

aw the baby is so precious

Why is the operating room/being in surgery called theatre in the U.K.?? and why is the doctor’s office/practice called the surgery? so many questions from a confused American..

Sister MC by the docks😭💔 she was just chillin with God and THIS HORRIBLE MAN RUINS EVERYTHING WTF UGH

Oh no

SISTER MC JUST UNCONSCIOUS ON THE DOCKS WTF IM CRYING WHY WOULD HURT HER

Patrick even if you were there she wouldn’t have called you, don’t blame urself

it’s not your arrogance sister MC!!

“don’t you even say the word fault, do you hear me, I won’t allow it” 😭💔 it’s NOT your fault sister MC 😰

I forgot how upset/hurt this episode makes me

“The worst thing is that I actually stopped to pray…” my heart hurts

You can’t even blame her for being angry😪

Judith you’re not a bad mother!! This isn’t your fault either

Sister MJ IN THE BATHROOM WITH HER😢😢💔💔 I’m c r y i n

I SAID PROTECT THEM AT ALL COSTS WHY DID THEY HURT ME LIKE THIS

Everyone so quiet at the table..

ILL FOREVER BE PROUD OF HOW BRAVE SISTER MC IS FOR SPEAKING UP FOR HER AND THE OTHER VICTIMS💖😭💔

Russian prison tats??

“I thought at first it was a test of faith, but it was a test of strength. I can bear more than I ever though I could and I can bear it for others because my strength is a gift, from him..” brb sobbing

I feel so bad for Mrs Hills bc I understand she thought she was doing the right thing and was trying to protect her daughter from the stigma & judgment from having a baby born outta wedlock 😭

But damn she almost killed her & now she can’t have any more kids

“I’m a mum, mum” Aw

lol I want children (obviously not anytime soon) but if I do Ima be shook for the rest of my life. Like my kids will be like grown & I’ll still wake up like wtf I had them? Lmaoo

SHELAGH’S GREY DRESS >>😍

Patrick jumping on the bed was cute lol

The Turners being cute and an unrealistically perfect family together as usual

Trixie 😍off to her AA💕

“I think it’s about time I came clean..”

Im so proud of her omg. She’s come so far in 6 series 😭💖💖😭

And Patsy and Delia are supportive yess👏🏼

“New truths were being spoken at Nonnatus house, but some remained concealed. While one voice rose, striving to erase its agony in song.”

Thanks Vanessa,, The End 😭

#call the midwife #lets get it 1962 #I'm too attached to this beautiful show #like TRASH for this show #my commentaries™

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sharksfood · 8 years ago

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so this thought just came into my head and i want to explore it.

in my life i’ve only seen 3 films so far that i read as books before they became movies. im not counting comic books/graphic novels that became movies bcs thats a little different, books that became tv shows, or plays that became movies. but its interesting to think about that.

i didnt read harry potter until well after the films (all of them lmao) were released, i’ve never read how to train your dragon, i’ve never read the hobbit/lotr, the animated alice in wonderland came out in the 50s, i have only recently read the last unicorn, i read World War Z after the movie came out (and ive never seen all of the movie), and i read the neverending story when i was cast in the play.

the books that i read before they came out in film are; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Warm Bodies, and Goosebumps.

Goosebumps kind of fits but it was made into a tv series first, and im not sure if i read the books or saw the shows first. i did both, i know that much.

I read Warm Bodies only bcs I wanted to see the movie but thought the book would be cool to read (its amazing and has a completely different feel from the movie), and Lion Witch Wardrobe was bcs my dad read it to me when I was younger. That and The Magician’s Nephew are the only Narnia books ive ever read.

I was going to try and read Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children before the movie came out, but that work out for me.

if you want to count comics and graphic novels, then the list gets bigger. but comics already have the characters drawn out, so unlike books, you dont have an idea in your head on what the character looks like. that is so often changed in film, plus you loose so much detail and nuance when you go book to screenplay to film (this is also true with comics, but its still different)

However, and the biggest reason as to why I’m thinking about this, two movies will be coming out in the next few years, and both of them are based on my favorite books of all time (aside from the alice books of course).

The first is Captain Underpants! I know that this is a book series with words and pictures, so technically its a graphic novel series, but they’re kids books! and those tend to have an awful lot of pictures. This series was my FAVORITE (other than the alice books) as a kid!! they were fun, hilarious, relatable, and just all around super great. So when i saw the trailer for the animated film that’s coming out this year based on the series i was ECSTATIC!! Were it live-action i would be bummed out since kids picture books usually fair better when animated (im not a fan of the diary of a wimpy kid movies....) but this animation is handled a lot like The Peanuts movie. The animation look like a color and 3D version of the exact art style!! its wonderful and im SO EXCITED

The other one, and this i am VERY VERY nervous about, is Ready Player One. that is my favorite sci-fi novel ever. i often say its my favorite book ever bc it deserves more love! and i do so much love it. ive reread it i dont even know how many times. and what do you know, they’re making it into a movie!! when i heard about this i had so many mixed feelings, and most of it has to do with the style of the book and the characters.

-Ready Player One Spoilers-

In Ready Player One the protagonist starts out as a dirt poor, fat, unattractive teen boy, and later he gets more physically fit/healthy and rich. he claims to still be unattractive at this point (mostly bcs he jues doesnt like how he looks and he looses all his body hair). this is very important to the character! i’m afraid that in this movie hollywood will do as they always do and make him a skinny conventionally attractive teen from the get-go. people will probably pull the Holes excuse of “the filmmakers didnt want to make the actor gain a bunch of weight and then loose it all” BULLSHIT they can cast a fat actor! and through his training and as they film the movie he can loose some weight or they can use movie magic (like when they made chris evans a scrawny little thing). its not that hard, people.

Another character, and this was super important to me and was a big subplot, is that Wade best friend, Aech, whom he only knows through the game (OASIS) plays as a white, straight, guy avatar, but they’re actually a black lesbian named Helen. And she plays this avatar to protect herself and to get a job and be taken seriously within OASIS. is super sad she has to do this, but its a big part of her character. she’s also fat as well, and im REALLY worried that in the movie she’s going to be a skinny straight white girl.

Two other characters who have important characteristics are Art3mis (Samantha) and the creator of OASIS James Halliday. Art3mis is Wade later love interest and GF. She is notable bcs her avatar is just like her, a chubby girl with black hair, but sans her port-wine birthmark. I know they’ll keep her birthmark, since its an intimate reveal, but they’ll probably make her skinny and i hate it. Now it’s only half canon in the books, but i’ve chosen to go with it, but at one point Wade talks about James Halliday’s childhood and his personality and all that, and mentions that he might have been autistic. Now, since it’s only he “might have been” in the books, the filmmakers will probably not make him autistic. That’s fucking sad to me, I mean, it would be amazing!! This character is one of the smartest, most famous, most prolific video game programmers/designers in history!! And he’s autistic! That is some wonderful representation and the filmmakers should jump on that opportunity. It’ll inspire so many autistic people who have a passion for video games to pursue their dreams. But, i have a hunch they wont go with it.

Two other characters, Daito and Shoto, are Japanese young guys who claim to be brothers (and their characters are) but are just friends in the real world. My initial hunch was that the filmmakers would keep them Japanese, but given the recent whitewashing of important Japanese characters, I have my doubts.

My few other concerns are that this movie won’t have 80s pop culture as the main style and focus of the era they book is set in, not to mention OASIS and most of people’s interests. It’s incredibly important to the novel, but so many dystopian movies choose to go with gritty, futuristic, edgy stuff. The other concern is how they will handle the real life vs OASIS look, since over half of the book takes place inside a VR video game. I’ve seen news that they are utilizing VR technology, but i havent read too much. I’m wondering if they’ll animate all of OASIS and the avatars and action and anything in the video game! That would be awesome.

So these are all my thoughts. I havent looks at who they’ve cast yet, so I’m going to do that right now. I do know that Steven Spielberg is directing it, which could be fantastic or terrible. Okay, cast time.

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So the IMDB doesnt say who is cast as Daito and Shoto, but Wikipedia says that Win Morisaki of PrizmaX will play him, which is great! I hope that’s what happens.

Art3mis/Samantha will be played by Olivia Cooke, who in my opinion is way too old. She’s older than me! The character’s age (i think) isnt mentioned in the book, but she’s got to be 17-20, and Olivia Cooke looks older than that. She’s also not chubby, but hey, maybe they’ll fit that. She also doesnt have the birthmark, but that’s gonna be makeup. (wouldve been cool if they found an actress with a port-wine stain on her face...)

Parzival/Wade will be played by Ty Sheridan. He was Cyclops in X-Men Apocalypse. He’s the right age, but way too fit and attractive. DAMN IT Well, I guess there’s always makeup and special effects, but i’m 80% sure now they wont make Wade fat.....

Aech/Helen will be played by Lena Waithe who is almost PERFECT. She’s much older than Aech, who is around 18, but like Samantha i imagine they’ll have make up and acting to cover it. My biggest concern is that she’s not fat like Aech, which means they’ll use a body suit or effects or Lena will gain weight, or they wont do anything.....

T.J. Miller will be playing I-r0k, who is another OASIS player and a bigtime douchebag jerk. This is perfect. We don’t know his age, or really anything other than his personality and avatar, and T.J. Miller is hilarious so this/ll be great.

Mark Rylance will be playing James Halliday, witch is fine by me. He’s not quite what I imagined, but thats what makeup and wigs are for. He’s worked a lot with Steven Spielberg, so that makes sense as to why he’s cast here. I just hope he can portray an autistic character well and with respect.... (would be better if he IS autistic but ya know.....)

Simon Pegg will be playing Ogden Morrow, the co-creator of OASIS, and thats perfect. No complaints.

Nolan Sorrento (the antagonist of the book and head of operations at Innovative Online Industries) will be played by Ben Mendelsohn, who was Director Krennic in Rouge One. He is much older and not quite and slimy as I imagined him, but this can totally work. I pictured Nolan Sorrento as Andrew Scott in my head, since he seems like the perfect evil, charismatic, slimy, attractive but ugly inside business man.

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So, after looking at the current casting choices im a little let down, but still excited! I’ll have to wait patienly for the trailer, since this thing is coming out in 2018. Dang, this turned into a Ready Player One post, but its been on my mind recently.

If you read through all of this, good job! let me know what you think! i probably dont talk about Ready Player One very often but thats bcs i dont know anyone in real life (other than my dad) who has read this book, and the online fandom seems nonexistent. Who knows?

But yeah, I guess I made this post bcs I wasn’t able to share the collective nervousness, complaints, and excitement of Harry Potter or LotR or Percy Jackson fans when their fav books became movies.

#babble #i talk a lot about books and movies #mostly ready player one lmao

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