#i feel like it's the coffee tho? even back when i really struggled with anxiety | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

savventeen · 2 years ago

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purple, white, grey, and black

pairing: idol!seungcheol x gn!reader rating: M wc: 2.9k summary: you're asexual and proud, and have been for a while. so why does seeing ace pride posts sometimes churn something within you? or, the one where reader talks about where/if their asexuality and trauma intersect. warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced sexual childhood abuse, (these things are only talked about in the vaguest sense but please be careful), anxiety, mentions of acephobic family members tags: asexuality, asexual reader, established relationship, dialogue-heavy, emotional hurt/comfort a/n: this is a rewrite of a fic i wrote for a bts queer introspections fic fest, and i want to preface this by saying everyone's journey with asexuality is different and the one reflected here is based purely on my own personal journey. if any of you struggle with any of the same thoughts/questions reader does, that I do, i hope this can remind you that you're not alone 💜

jimbo the himbo @spaceace9393

just a friendly reminder: asexuality is a valid identity. it's not any kind of disorder, and it has nothing to do with disability, or trauma, or mental illness. we are not sick, or broken, or in need of "fixing.” we're just people who don't experience sexual attraction, that's it.

You stare at the tweet for a long, long time. Long enough that your phone screen dims before shutting off entirely, leaving you with only your reflection for company.

Your chest feels... you're not sure how to describe it, exactly. It might be a little bit like when you accidentally clogged the bathroom sink the other day — like there's something cold and murky sloshing around inside your lungs, bits of feelings you can't quite name sinking down to rest on something that's been building unseen for a while now.

Closing your eyes, you breathe in, slow and deep, and then release a shaky exhale. Your fingers start tap-tap-tapping away on your thigh as you realize that you kind of, maybe, really want to talk to someone right now.

You have your kakaotalk app open between one blink and the next.

you

cheollie? are u still at one of the hybe studios?

cheollie 🧡

yeah i'm still here not working on anything too important rn tho so you can swing by if you want i have extra ramyeon packs that soonyoung dropped off they're the spicy kind you like

You can't help but smile softly to yourself. Even though the anxiety of what you want to talk about makes your heart race, you don't think you'll ever stop being endeared by Choi Seungcheol.

you

cheollie ur the best ily ❤️ see u soon ~

cheollie 🧡

love you too ❤️

You quickly throw on your comfiest hoodie, threadbare and fraying at the seams, and you make your way over to the Hybe building. You also stop at a convenience store on the way, grabbing a canned coffee for each of you because you're a good partner like that.

By the time you get to the door of the studio, though, what little confidence you'd built up for yourself starts to fizzle out, replaced by the anxiety simmering on low just beneath your skin. The confusing feelings are still sloshing around inside your chest, so much so that you think about knocking even though you haven't knocked in months — not since Seungcheol started texting you the code of whatever studio he was working in at the time.

Groaning to yourself, you smack the edge of your phone against your forehead a few times before quickly punching in the code and opening the door before you can talk yourself out of it.

Seungcheol is slouched comically in the chair, head so low it's practically leaning against the armrest as his socked feet rest propped up on any empty corner of the desk. The computer's wireless keyboard is cradled against his chest and stomach, keys down, and he's using its smooth back as a makeshift mousepad. ...To play Solitaire of all things, you realize.

You stand there, just blinking for a moment as you process the image in front of you. He looks so stupid and cute and you can't help the grin that pushes against your cheeks.

"Cheol," you giggle. "What the fuck."

"Shhhhhhhh..." Seungcheol's eyes don't leave the monitor. "Don't question the process."

You snort as you finally close the door and walk over to set his canned coffee on the desk, on the opposite side his feet are propped up.

"What process?" You stand over him, folding your arms across your chest as you try to keep a straight face. Raising an eyebrow at his posture, you ask, "The one where you turn into a slouchy slug?"

"Hey!" Seungcheol swings the keyboard into your hip like he's trying to chop down a tree, making you double over even as you start giggling. "I am not a slug, how dare you!"

You just laugh louder and playfully shove his chair away from the desk. He yelps in surprise as his feet suddenly fall to the floor and he nearly topples over, and then he turns the full force of his pout upon you.

"I can't believe my very own partner is trying to kill me," he laments. "What did I do to deserve such betrayal? Did Jeonghan put you up to this?"

"Aww, poor aegi," you coo. You walk over to him and squish his cheeks between your palms so that his lips pucker out comically. "My poor little guppy wuppy."

His dark brows furrow harder and you let out an oof when he jabs you in the stomach with the wireless keyboard he'd managed to hang onto in the chaos, letting go of his face. It wasn't hard enough to hurt (never is) and you just stick your tongue out at him in retaliation.

He rolls his eyes and points to the couch. "Go have a seat, traitor."

You acquiesce with a soft snort, burying yourself in the corner while Seungcheol tidies up the studio. You pull one of the throw pillows into your lap and very quickly end up hugging it tightly to your chest.

For a few blissful moments, you'd forgotten about all of the confused, anxious things swimming around inside of you — forgotten the main reason you'd come here in the first place.

You must zone out, because the next thing you know, Seungcheol is squatting in front of you and trying to catch your eye, one hand gently squeezing your knee. "Hey, Y/n-ah. You doing okay over here? Want me to take you home?"

His eyes are wide and earnest, worry lightly furrowing his brow, and you will never cease to be grateful for how much he embodies unconditional care and comfort.

Shaking your head, you reach out to clasp the hand on your knee. "No, 'm fine." You tug on his hand, a silent request to come sit next to you. "Just wanna talk to you, if that's okay."

"Of course it's okay," he promises. "Always."

When he sits, he leaves a sliver of space between the two of you, leaving it up to you to decide how much (if any) physical comfort you want right now. That simple, little act of thoughtfulness is like the glimpse of a lighthouse amidst the storm that's brewing within your ribcage, and it gives you the courage you need to hoist your metaphorical sails and let the wind take you where you need to go.

You waste no time in anchoring yourself to Seungcheol's side, throwing your legs over his lap and burying your face into his collarbone.

"Hey, jagiya, hey, you're okay," he soothes automatically. His hands come up to wrap around you, pulling you close and rubbing soothing arcs up and down your back. "You're okay. I'm here to listen, yeah? I'm here."

He doesn't say anything else after that, just settles a bit more into the couch and waits for you to speak, always so full of patience when it counts.

It does take a while for you to say anything, mostly because you don't really know where to start. There's still so much swirling around inside you, murky and confusing, that you're not really sure if there is a start.

And a part of you wonders if it's even worth opening up your mouth at this point — the same part of you that's always walked hand-in-hand with your shame and doubt.

But Seungcheol's breathing is a steady rise and fall against your chaotic thoughts, his heartbeat a siren song reminding you that he has always held your hopes and dreams and fears and questions oh so carefully in the palms of his hands.

Eventually, you realize that it doesn't really matter where you start as long as you jump in. So jump you do. "Cheol?"

"Hmm?"

"Do— do you remember when I came out to you and the rest of the group as ace?"

" 'Course I do," he assures warmly, giving you a small squeeze. "Still so proud of you."

You hum happily. But your anxiety is making you feel fidgety again, so you pull one of Seungcheol's arms down into your lap so you can play with his long, sturdy fingers. He lets you do it without complaint, and something within you settles.

You let yourself breathe in, breathe out.

"After you guys," you start, bending and unbending his fingers one by one, "the first person I ever came out to was my mom, you know? And it's— it wasn't that she wasn't supportive. Or like, I think she was trying to be supportive, at least, but." You take a breath. "Do you wanna know what the first words out of her mouth were, after I told her that I was ace?"

Seungcheol hums an encouragement, pulling you impossibly closer with the one arm he still has wrapped around your back. You take another breath, uncurling all of his fingers and holding the spread-out digits in both hands, almost like you're going to try and read his palm.

You breathe in, breathe out. "She said— without any hesitation, she said, 'Oh, is it because of your trauma?'"

You feel the way Seungcheol tenses beneath you, watch the way his fingers twitch between yours like he's trying not to curl them into a fist.

"And I didn't know how to respond to that," you continue, keeping your eyes down, "so I just said 'I don't know, probably.'" You give the same little helpless shrug you'd given then, small and defeated, and you use the motion to hunch your shoulders a little more.

"Y/n-ah. That's..." Seungcheol starts, voice a little rough around the edges like he's trying to keep some big emotion from breaking through. "I can't imagine what that must've felt like."

And you know, you know, that he's filling in the blanks. That he's taking the words 'trauma' and 'asexuality' and drawing conclusions that probably aren't too far from the truth.

You grip his hand tightly between yours and tuck it against your chest like a child clings to a favorite stuffed animal; he presses a gentle kiss to the crown of your head. You both breathe — in, out.

"Yeah. It didn't— it didn't feel great," you admit, an understatement. "And she's not the only one, either. Every single family member I've come out to, every single one of them— that question has always been the first thing to come out of their mouth."

The faces of those family members flash before you, all carrying the same expression — pity, one etched so deep it felt (feels) almost condescending. "Is it because of your trauma?" "Is it because of what happened to you? Did he make you like this?"

"And I just..." You flail the hand not clutching Seungcheol's, searching for a way to put into words what you've been feeling for so, so long. "I have this knowledge living inside me at all times that, to the family members that I'm out to— they'll never see my asexuality as something to celebrate. All they will ever see is my trauma and how this part of myself is something that comes from a broken place."

You think about the tweet from earlier, the hundreds of others you've seen like it, and feel tears begin to gather.

Sniffling, you continue. "And then I'll go on the internet and see all kinds of ace pride and posts about how we're valid and don't need to be fixed and... and I know that. Logically, I know that my ace-ness isn't something that needs to be changed, isn't something that could change, even if I wanted it to, but..."

But.

For so, so long, you have had no idea how to finish that sentence. And it feels like some kind of defeat when you realize you still don't have an answer. "...I don't know," you shrug, helplessly.

Seungcheol presses another kiss to the top of your head, staying silent like he knows you still have more to say. He keeps a steady rhythm of slowly rubbing his free hand up and down your back, a tactile metronome for you to follow.

After a few minutes, you continue with a sigh. "About once a year, I'll talk with my aunt, and she never fails to ask if I'm "still ace" and... I just..." You cut yourself off with a frustrated groan.

"S'okay, aegi," Seungcheol whispers, squeezing the hand you're still holding close to your chest.

"Sometimes it feels like my ace-ness is tainted, you know?"

Even as the sentence feels punched out of you, it's such a bitter relief to finally admit it out loud. Because even though you've never really let yourself put it into words, you are finally able to recognize that this is one of the murky feelings that has been weighing you down — collecting in your subconscious like debris in the gutter. "And it's why bringing up my past can be so difficult for me. Because I'm so scared that people will go from just accepting my asexuality to thinking 'Ah, that explains it.' Like I just gave them the missing piece to a puzzle or something, when before it was just a part of who I am.

"And there's also a part of me that feels like... I don't know, that I'd just be adding fuel to the fire for all the people who like to shit on asexuality. That I'm just an example of why people who think they're ace are just traumatized and need therapy. But... I think I would have always been ace, no matter what happened or didn't happen to me as a kid. And I just...

"I don't know, Cheol," you croak, the tears you've been trying so hard to keep in finally starting to cascade down your cheeks. "I don't know how to feel anymore. I don't know where to fit. If I fit. If it even matters whether I fit or not."

And really, now that you've talked it out a bit, it essentially boils down to one thing.

"I guess— I guess what I'm saying is that I just want to be able to feel like I can be ace and a little bit broken at the same time. That I can be a work in progress and still something... worth celebrating."

You tuck your free hand into the sleeve of your hoodie and use it to wipe away the tears that are still falling. Seungcheol's next exhale shudders a little bit out of his chest, and then he's letting go of your hand so he can cradle your jaw and tenderly wipe at the tears himself.

"Hey, jagiya, will you look at me, please? Will you let me look at you?"

You nod, the lump in your throat having doubled in size between one moment and the next, and he gently lifts your chin until you're eye-to-eye.

"There you are," he murmurs, with a sad lopsided smile. You notice he has tear tracks of his own, and looking into his big, glassy eyes aches and soothes in equal measure. "I'm going to tell you something very important, so I need you to listen carefully, okay? Can you do that for me?"

Again, you nod, swallowing thickly.

Seungcheol's expression quickly melts into something serious. Not something scary, but something solid — a firm foundation for you to rely on.

"Y/n L/n. You will always, always be something worth celebrating. Being a work in progress is a part of life, and you and I and everyone else on this planet will be one until the day we die. I may not know all the answers, and we might never find the ones we're looking for, but if I know anything, it's this: not a day has gone by since getting to know you that I am not so, so incredibly proud of you — of the person that you are and that you are continuously becoming. More than I can really put into words."

You think you could drown in all of the love and support and affection pouring out of Seuncheol, overwhelming you in the best way. It's like your heart has capsized and all of the ooey-gooey feelings are flooding in, pulling you down deeper, deeper, deeper still.

But you've hit your emotional threshold for the day and decide to cut the moment the best way you know how. "Even when I'm an annoying little shit?" you choke out past your now-stuffed nose.

Seungcheol laughs wetly and wraps his arms around you again, tilting you both over so you're both mostly lying down on the couch. "I think maybe especially then," he murmurs, mostly to himself. Louder, he says, "I think we've earned ourselves a nice nap, what do you think?"

You think that sounds heavenly, and you both adjust your positions until you're comfortable and you can feel sleep pulling at your consciousness. Before you let it claim you, though, you take a few moments to breathe.

It feels a bit easier than before, the breathing. The stuff sloshing around inside your lungs doesn't feel as murky as it did before, doesn't feel as suffocating now that you've been able to bale some of it out. You don't have any more answers than you did before, but you have a bit more peace.

And as you finally drift off to Seungcheol's quiet, snuffling snores, you think that having a bit more peace might be enough for now.

#svtsource #seungcheol fanfic #seungcheol oneshot #seungcheol x you #seungcheol x reader #seungcheol x y/n #scoups fanfic #scoups oneshot #scoups x y/n #scoups x reader #scoups x you #asexual reader #savv writes #savv fics #giving you all a big piece of my soul with this one

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lip-rings-and-quiffs · 2 years ago

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Hey there!! I see you write fics and I don’t know if you take requests?? If not don’t worry!! But if u do, could you write a luke x reader where the reader struggles with anxiety and ocd? Like checking things a lot (checking doors are locked, oven is off etc) and struggling with intrusive thoughts. But like it doesn’t need to be dark or anything, more like Luke helps to reassure her and it’s more like cute n sweet. If not comfortable writing about this tho I totally understand!! Thank u and love ur writing x

A/N : Ok first of all thank you so much!!! I’ve been feeling like I suck at writing for a while and all so this helped so much!! Ily<33 and I do take requests (for future reference lmao). Anyways I hope you liked this!!

Warnings : ocd, anxiety attacks and such. Well it’s not really graphic but it’s there. Also it’s smol🥺. Had no idea what to name this lol +masterlist | reblogs are highly appreciated<33

Better with You | lh

Ever since you were born, you had always been prone to worrying. As a child, you had been anxious about getting lost or separated from your parents. As you grew older, your fears shifted to other things: locking doors, turning off the stove, making the bed at least seven times a day, making sure you hadn't accidentally offended anyone, apologizing over and over again when you really didn’t have to.

It wasn't until you were in your late teens that you finally found a name for what you were experiencing: obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD. It was a huge relief to know that there was a reason behind your constant need to check things and your intrusive thoughts. And that there wasn’t something “wrong” with you. But even with the medication and therapy, you still struggled.

And that’s where Luke comes in. After you met at a coffee shop one day, he has been the absolute sweetheart, leading him to become your boyfriend and one of the most important people in your life. He had been with you through it all. He had held your hand during panic attacks, listened patiently as you talked about your fears, and never once judged you for your struggles. He was your rock, the best friend, the boyfriend that you could always count on.

One day, you were sitting on the couch, scrolling through various social media platforms, when you suddenly felt a jolt of panic travel through your spine. Had you turned off the oven before you came back to the living room? You couldn't remember. You gulped, closing your eyes for a moment, trying to push the horrific thought away, but it kept nagging at you, growing louder and more insistent with each passing moment.

"Hey," Luke said, his cerulean eyes filled with worry as he took in your distress. "Is everything okay?" You shook your head, unable to speak.

"What's going on?" he asked, taking your hand in his much larger one.

"I don't remember if I turned off the oven," you hiccuped, tears threatening to slip past your waterline. "What if the house burns down?"

Luke squeezed your hand. "It’s okay, why don’t we go check together? Hmm?”

You stood up, feeling slightly unsteady. Luke immediately wrapped his arms around you, securing you in his hold and led you to the kitchen and together, you opened the oven door. It was off.

"See?" Luke said, smiling down at you. "Everything's okay. The house isn't going to burn down."

You let out a shaky breath. "Thank you."

"Of course babe" he said, wrapping his arms around you once more and kissing the top of your head. "I'll always be here to help you through anything."

You leaned into him, cuddling into his loving embrace. After focusing on his heartbeat for a while, it was easy for you to finally calm down. With Luke by your side, you knew that everything would be alright.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Hope you’re having a great day. I love feedback, it helps so much.

+masterlist | reblogs are highly appreciated!<333

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ithinkabouttzu · 1 year ago

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Hi friend!! I was wondering if I could get a BoB ship please? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Looks - I'm about 5'5" with dyed hair (currently it's a faded purple but I'm gonna do teal/blue next!) and polka dot glasses! I'm on the curvier side and trying to be confident in that (it's a struggle tho lol 🫠)

Personality - my Myers Briggs is ENFP and I've been told I'm a ray of sunshine and a human golden retriever! I love being the mom friend and taking care of all my people 🥰 I'm also quite chaotic at times, and a little bit clumsy 😂 on a deeper level I have an anxiety disorder, ADHD, and a trauma disorder from previous relationships, so while i can appear loud and happy and confident I'm often worried I'm being too much and that I'm a burden to my loved ones

Job/interests - I'm currently working part time at my local psychiatric hospital as a clinician! My goal is to get licensed and work full time with children struggling with mental health and behaviors, my favorite color is yellow, my favorite animal is sharks, and I'm addicted to iced coffee 🤣

Thank you for taking the time to read all this! Hope you have a great day 🥰✨

Thank you for your request Lovely! I’m so happy to open ships back up! 💗💗💗 (also sorry for any mistakes, I haven’t done ships in a WHILE 😅)

I ship you with…

Dick Winters!

Song Recommendation:

- Literally a sunshine couple omg

- He first met you when you joined easy and he immediately thought you were so cute. Like his heart was completely melted at how sweet you were to him

- He honestly gets really shy at first but he also feels super comfortable around you? It sounds kinda weird but he immediately finds comfort in you. He can definitely say it was love at first sight. He’ll stick around closely with you for the rest of the time , making sure no one is bothering you but also because he’s like in love w you???

- Makes SURE to keep his feelings to himself for the longest time. He would hate to make you feel uncomfortable or sound unprofessional so he’d rather just keep his emotions to himself.

- UNTILLL, something happened and you got really hurt. He wasn’t sure what happened to you but when he heard that you had been in danger he got so scared, he really thought he lost you. He makes sure to confess to you afterwards.

- You two are definitely the parents of the friend group. Always taking care of everyone else and making sure everybody is under control, it makes him feel less lonely having someone else to be mature with 🤣

- OH and don’t let me forget ~ this man is in LOVE with your curves, like if he could spend every minute of the day kissing every inch of your body, he would. He also has to let you know how much he loves you, how beautiful you are, just the daily positive affirmations he has to give to you (he’s soo in love w you)

- He’ll spend a lot of time losing track of everything and getting lost in his daydreams about you. He really looks for you in everything. He sees the sun bright and shiny? It reminds him of you. He looks at anything purple? All he can think about it your pretty hair.

- He almost never stops thinking about you. (it’s actually become quite a problem) And when he does daydream about you, it’s so obvious. He’ll just be sitting there by himself, smiling like a huge idiot and everyone else is just like “Is he okay???” LOL

- He’d never tell you this, but he LOVES watching you take care of others, you’re just so kind and the way you nurture others really makes him want to marry you (and start a family with you) even more then he did before.

- This man enjoys it so much when you enjoy yourself, he really loves your chaotic-ness. He will just sit back and look at you like a proud father when you’re having your own fun. You just always make him smile.

- When you open up to him about your past relationship, he feels a mixture of emotions. He feels angry, because who could do that to the love of his life? You’re so sweet and kind and he KNOWS you don’t deserve anything less then perfect. He also feels sad. Sad that he wasn’t there to make you feel better and take away everything bad from you.

- It hurts him so much to know you’ve went through so many things, and you’re still kindest and prettiest soul he knows. He admires you so much for how much love you have to give to everyone.

- Whenever you’re having a moment when the anxiety just gets the best of you - he tries so hard to help you, with whatever it might be. He’s so patient with you (it comes very natural to him) He’ll do anything you want or need. A spa day by yourself or a warm bath with candles and your favorite book. He tries so hard to make you feel special and good. He will make sure to rub your back and tell you everything’s gonna be alright. Over and over again til you know it yourself.

- He also makes sure to let you know that you would never ever ever be a burden to him in a million years. He would walk around the whole earth barefoot just to see your smile or to see you happy. You’re HIS girl and when you have a problem, you can come to him no matter what it is!!

- When you get really really sad or you’ve have a long day, he likes to steal your polka dotted glasses from you and dance around in them (even though it might be a little blurry seeing him 🤣) he really will try everything to make you crack a laugh.

- He loves hearing about your work goals! He thinks it’s so neat how much you want to help children with mental health. He thinks it takes such a smart, patient, but also understanding person for the job. And you’re the perfect person for it to him. He’s so supportive for you. I could definitely see him as the hubby that packs your lunches and stuff like that LOL

- Whenever you guys go out, whether it’s to a bar to see old friends, or just out on a date, he’s got an arm wrapped around you at all times. He wants to show you off to the whole world honestly, you’re perfect and if someone can’t see that then they’re blind.

- Out in public he loves showing you off but can also get pretty protective over you. If someone is looking at his girl, he’s gonna say something to them (and that’s honestly rare because he’s a chill dude.) At the end of the day, if someone is making you uncomfortable, he’s gonna confront them. (if that’s okay with you ofc)

- Also back to the part where I said he always thinks of you, I forgot to mention how whenever he sees a Plushie Shark or any kind of stuffed animal shark, he makes SUREE to get it for you, you’ll definitely work up to a collection overtime 😭

- And whenever he comes home from work he’s always stopping at a local cafe to get you some good iced coffee, this man just really REALLY loves you!!

Thank you for your request bestie! Hope you enjoyed 🥰💛

#band of brothers #band of brothers ship #ithinkabouttzu

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hadesfucks · 2 years ago

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⚠️vent post⚠️

Unrequited love

I saw her on the first day of the semester, sitting front row in some shitty English gen Ed I’m sure I’m gonna fail. She was wearing a leather jacket and had a hufflepuff lanyard and all I could think about was her for the rest of the week. Second day of class we get paired for an icebreaker, and listen I hate this class but that professor has my undying gratitude just for that. I fumbled and let it slip that I noticed her the day before because god she’s just so pretty and we started hanging out almost everyday. She makes everything just a little bit brighter. When she walks in 5 minutes late with her coffee that she spent half an hour in line for. Who spends half an hour in line for a coffee? I made fun of her for it the first couple of times, now it’s just a staple of the day.

I smoke 🍃 now. Well, to be fair I have for a while now, but I’ve only really started doing it more since I’ve met her. She invites me over to smoke in her dorm all the time but I turn her down because I’m terrified of not being 100% in control when I’m around her. I’m scared I’ll say something stupid.

She still texts me when she does tho. One time she hadn’t and I texted her to see how she was, and she started flirting with me. In the morning I found out about her boyfriend. I remember thinking “Yeah he’s gonna kill me, but I’m not too attached to the mortal plane rn anyways”. I don’t really want a repeat of that disaster. Now when she smokes I sit my phone in another room, play stardew instead.

This past week she’s been struggling with some family stuff. One morning after a particularly bad day she didn’t text me, she usually always does as soon as she wakes up. I figured she needed some space so I didn’t ask. Until 8:30 turned into 3 pm and I was getting worried. Turns out she’s taking next year off. She was apparently scared to tell me but didn’t know why. I told her I was proud of her for putting herself first and I think that eased her anxiety a bit.

But god am I gonna miss this girl. I never had her in the first place, so I really shouldn’t feel this way. She lives with her boyfriend back home. She used to talk about how much she hated him, now she just doesn’t talk about it at all. I know that once the semesters over I won’t ever see her again, and I don’t really know how to come to terms with that. It’s hard to love someone who can’t love you back. It’s even harder when they can, they do, they just won’t. I guess that makes my title a little inaccurate. It’s not unrequited, it’s just not wanted. I guess it doesn’t matter any more though.

Me and my buddy are throwing a small going away party, and that’ll really be the last time I spend real time with her. I’ll wave goodbye and then I’ll leave because her boyfriend can’t see me around when he comes to pick her up. And then I’ll go home and I’ll eat a pint of ice cream over a movie like I’m in some romcom, and it’ll suck until it doesn’t.

It’ll suck until it doesn’t.

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recoverywithgh0ul · 8 months ago

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Welcome back to the second installment offfffff what i eat in a day >o< (hopefully with some pictures)

Again basic TW for mentions of food and thoughts related to food~ also please apply the disclaimer from my last post to this one,, my body is not your body, and please provide it with what you need~/lh

(So generally speaking the last couple of days the night before I’ve kinda sat down a predetermined what i was going to have the next day, big three wise. I’ve noticed this helps me a tooonnnnn, especially since sometimes when i don’t know what to make i can grab something quick and easy, or possibly order in :/ also, I’m prewriting this part at like 4:11 am bc i can’t sleep lmao. )

Breakfast~

Okay, so for breakfast i had/am having right now lol, one egg on toast with cottage cheese, topped with chili crisp. As a side i have some tomato, and some air fried potatoes. Oh, and the dip is ranch.

(I like to put it in this portion plate both because it’s honestly adorable, and because it helps me feel fuller since, as I’ve mentioned in another post, I’m a volume eater. So plating it like this, for me can control my portions and honestly just make things a whole bunch easier because i usually have a problem over serving myself. This will not work for everyone, my portions will not be equal to everyone’s, but i can assure you, i am eating until I’m full and satisfied. Which on that note can be kinda scary. This morning was kinda rough, I wasn’t able to fall back asleep so i kinda struggled with that hunger feeling until around 6 and then just got sick of it, so i made a coffee with protein powder to hold me over to a “acceptable time for breakfast” knee jerk reaction on this thought? Stupid. Like, there’s no acceptable time to eat, you eat when your body needs food. Compassionate thought? You had a bad morning, everyone does. Good thing about it, is even though it might’ve been delayed and you went through some hurdles, you still ate, and that’s a victory in itself. Recovery is a beast, but I’m determined to show it, I’m stronger.)

Snack~

Okay, so snack, some dried pineapple, and saltines with PB and pumpkin pie seasoning. Pretty good honestly 8/10( i ended up only eating eating two of the crackers, but all of the fruit)

(I hated that i was hungry, plain and simple, but i owe it to my body to eat- and it’s not a bad thing to have a snack. Am i internally freaking bc i have no idea how many this or that and- it goes on, yes, yes i am. But, it’s what i wanted, it’s not over board, and in the long run taking care and honoring my hunger now, will prevent a binge in the future. <3 )

Snack~

Piece of habanero cheese, and two of those PB crackers from earlier made into a sandwich(like put together), no pics bc I’m lazy. I’ll do my best to get a pic for lunch tho~

(Today is proving to be a wacky day to say the least, i do want to preface this and say, all my days are NOT like this. But at this point it might seem like I’ll be eating lunch a little later in the day, so im going to have another small snack to tide me over, because that’s what my body deserves, and I’m honoring my hunger >.< for context i have to get groceries delivered because i don’t drive, and they were taking longer than expected- so yeah :/ )

Lunch~

For lunch i had a honey turkey wrap, with a side of sweet bell peppers, chips, and a dollop of ranch for dipping. Super simple, super easy, and super filling. Also helped me battle a craving for fast food, so extra feeling of accomplishment :>

(So groceries finally got here, chaos adverted, lunch has been made and eaten 10/10 the only thing with this meal is just the pure anxiety that feeling full has left. Did i over indulge? No, i ate until i was full, which is perfectly okay and normal. Today really is a day of pushing. My limits and just for lack of better words, being okay with it.)

Dinner~

Chili crisp oil garlic soup with rice, drizzled with garlic spicy sauce

(For dinner i was having really strong cravings to binge honestly, i think the stress just generally from the day is starting to get to me. To combat this, im going to partake in a coping skill to distract myself, most likely writing :> )

Snack~

PB toast with some type of topping(not sure if i want sweet or savory yet >.<)

(For snack I’m going to leave it as a option for myself, so i know I’ll be full through the night, to avoid whatever this morning was :/)

Drinks~

Protein powder with iced coffee

Aloe coconut drink with a bit of a strawberry peach crystal light flavoring packet

Aloe pineapple drink

Water throughout the day

So that was another complete what i eat in a day, today was definitely different, and 100% more stressful, but overall, I’m trying to create healthy eating habits, and eating healthy is eating in moderation, and i can still do that, and feel happy with my food choices both in a satisfied way, and my body getting what it needs way~

I hope if you’re reading this, you have a great day/night, stay strong, and love yourself~ and remember recovery is never hard, but it’s always worth it,,/g /lh

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reasonsforhope · 1 year ago

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@testingcheats0n I've seen you and a few other people asking this, so I wanted to give some advice/answers on how to do this if you have anxiety. In way more detail than you possibly wanted lol

And by the way, I say this as someone who has struggled with anxiety since uh *checks notes* Real Fucking Young. I had to deal with a lot of Bullshit That Gives You Anxiety, and I had to claw my way back from absolutely debilitating social anxiety when I was younger, and I still struggle with anxiety, if thankfully to a lesser degree. So I'm saying this as someone who has absolutely been there.

Start small. Groups and shit are intimidating and hard to coordinate and stressful. Start by messaging one or two friends, maybe about separate things

After Roe, I asked a friend if she wanted to come over to paint protest signs, which I told her I planned to go hang up around the neighborhood by myself. She said yes and we had a great time

Schedule something near a holiday so there's an "excuse" (but preferably not on the holiday, or you'll get more nos)

You can deliberately level up in Stuff You Can Do With X Acquaintance with a campaign of something like: text asking about something you need/have an excuse for (like homework or work deadlines); text asking about something you need again and then start "small talk" about related subjects; repeat 2-4x; message them without a clear excuse (yes this will stress you tf out the first time) 2-3x. If they're responding decently to all that, then hit them up for lowkey plans. "Hey, you wanna grab coffee [or whatever] sometime next week?" "Hey wanna do X Activity [e.g. that's on the list above]?"

Why yes I am autistic why do you ask

Also it's fine if you hang out one-on-one and don't super hit it off by the way. I've done that with people where we both mentally went "Hmm. Unfortunate" and then went back to having fun hanging out with whatever group we knew each other from

If you have a friend without a car or with a disability that can make getting around hard: "Hey, I'm running to Trader Joe's [or whatever] tomorrow night, want a ride?"

If you have a friend who also likes crafts: "Hey JoAnn's has a big sale rn, wanna go hit up crafting stuff this weeekend?"

I love dinner parties and entertaining, actually, but it really sucks when people flake. If you're doing that, start small, with just a couple close friends, and you can ask if they want to come hang out and cook with you so the prep is less overwhelming (or do potluck style)

When you have a friend or even an acquaintance who's sick or struggling, message them offering some string-free help. Invent (or actually have) an excuse for why this would be helping you out as well, if you'd prefer: "Hey, I know you're having a really shitty week[or feeling sick or whatever]. I accidentally made wayyyy too much soup the other night because I didn't check the recipe - I can bring some over tonight or tomorrow if you'd like! No pressure tho obv if you're busy"

For event spamming, follow local groups you're interested in on Facebook, Eventbrite, etc.

I've had pretty good luck with "arts and crafts hangouts." Some of them I invited friends, but I also have literally just posted "Art in the Park" events on groups like Lex and Meetup and had a nice couple people show up and a great time (and a bunch of future interest)

See what local orgs or nonprofits are around that you can volunteer with. A lot of local ones will host fairly small events, so less intimidating, and they're a great way to meet people who also care about helping their communities. Food pantries can be a reliable option too

Prepare to meet mostly of cool old people at volunteering things, btw. Cool old people are great - they have no idea what the latest cool bands or whatever are either, and also are pretty much always happy to have a whole extra Young Person (tm) volunteering. (Young is literally anyone under 45-50 here, btw)

Do your best to detach from outcomes. Easier said than done, obviously. But if you can do a thing with one person or two people, consider that a great big victory! 15-person dinner parties are for Expert Mode. When I hosted the Art in the Park events, I very deliberately went, "Okay, if no one shows up, that sucks but it's FINE, I'll just hang out in the park and do art and eat these chips by myself and have a lovely time"

I'm generally an advocate of picking an idea where if no one shows up, you can still have a good time doing the thing yourself or getting some work done or whatever

Is doing a lot of this going to be super uncomfortable, especially the first time? Yeah. And it'll suck.

But annoyingly, in order to deal with anxiety, you have to challenge and push through the anxiety a lot of the time. So sometimes, you just gotta grit your teeth and do it. Gotta close your eyes to make yourself hit "send"? Zero shame. Etc. etc.

Pace yourself. Practice reaching out like you're building a muscle. Do nice things after to reward yourself for Doing The Thing. I promise it can help

How to start building your social village--

How do you go from isolated to being apart of a properly connected social circle?? How do I go from that isolated individual to an actually connected person without having to force myself out to be a regular at a club or something??

Pick the most used social media across all your connections (for my this is sadly Facebook but I'm sure you could do this through discord or some other site I'm like 90% sure this is transferable in some formate maybe other ppl could pitch those ideas tho-) and then add everyone you know! And here's the fun stuff you could do in your group!

Functional ideas Village Group for-

Offer to swap babysitting/chores/errands or even buddies for these things

Offer to exchange sale/coupon/bulk buying info (A good example of this is a have a friend who knows a butcher and so her family once every 2 months bulk orders from him directly and it'd WAY cheaper for everyone)

Holiday organizing

Dinner party ideas/hang outs (know 2 or more ppl who like sewing? Organize a dinner once every few months and watch a movie and sew! Do a book club!)

Trade/swap/leading stuff (ex tools, books, unused snacks, boardgames, clothes, etc..)

Offer to be apart of a shared calander (I use Cozi personally but again use your preferred)

Event spamming (community event sharing bc no one ever gets proper info on them in time)

Plant swaps (I personally know like 3 different plant ppl who specialize in different types of plants ex 1 person does a lot of herbs and another does all succulents and another does super well with berries and they always wanna get rid of the babies or spread the spoils)

Organizing work parties (repair parties ex fences/roofs/, bulk cooking parties ex my families perogie parties, tax prep parties, hair dying get togethers, etc..)

Fun ideas for village-

Make a village badge/crest of some kind (at one point was making badges for dinner parties as gifts so this is an easy one for me)

Funny pet photos/meme dump ground

This allows for a pretty fun way to also make ppl feel connected. If I get to know someone fairly well like my neighbor or another parent from my kiddos school- I'll just add them to my weird little club thing! Here's a patch for you. Your family now!!

#also if meds are or could be an option for you #I am a huge proponent of anxiety meds #they're fucking great #not news #advice #resources #life #anxiety #community #friendship #hope #volunteering

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babyjakes · 3 years ago

Text

no scaries. [blurb.]

〈 disclaimer: this blog posts content not suitable for individuals under the age of 18. minors are strictly prohibited from viewing, sharing, or interacting with this blog. for more information on this blog's commitment to protecting minors, read our full statement here. 〉

summary | frank’s an expert at calming you down when everything becomes too overwhelming.

pairing | daddy!frank adler x little!reader

warnings | sfw regression (daddy!frank), anxiety/panic attack, lots of soft fluffy comfort from frank <33

word count | 357

requested by anon | Hi Eun💖 For your blurb night I would like to request Daddy Frank Adler. I know you said one time that you don’t want to write smut for him but I did love your other fic where it was just fluffy Daddy Frank. Could you maybe write him comforting his Little who’s feeling anxious and maybe just some snuggling? Thank you!

an | hey friend, thankyou so so much for sending this request, and for respecting my decision to not write smut for frank! tbh even tho i don’t really see him in a sexual way, i can totally totally imagine him just being a nonsexual caregiver/daddy for a little who regresses as a coping mechanism (like in the other blurb you mentioned, pretty pink trees!) frank is just so soft, caring, and kind in nature, i love writing him this way. i hope you enjoy and that this gives you much comfort

“Okay, honey. Okay- let’s just take a moment to breathe, y/n,” Frank’s voice is low and cautious as he crouches down in front of your cowering form tucked in the corner of the room, your head lowered, eyes bursting with tears as you clench your hands together in front of you.

“I-I’m sorry, Daddy- I’m- p-please,” you struggle to form a complete sentence as your shaking rattles against the wall behind you.

“Hey, hey,” the man shushes gently, shaking his head as he furrows his brow in concern. “It’s alright, sweet girl. I just wanna help you, yeah? Just here to help,” he reminds you as your glossy eyes struggle up to meet his. “Oh y/n,” he breathes sadly, “what’s goin’ on, pumpkin? Can you tell Daddy what’s got you so upset?”

“J-just scared, Daddy. Tummy h-hurts, brain’s all- all mushy,” you whimper.

Nodding sympathetically, Frank presents you with an offer, “You wanna come sit on the couch with me, bub? We can snuggle and turn on the TV if you want. Hello Kitty, or My Melo- whatever you want, lovebug.”

“N-no TV,” you request, “jus’ snuggles, please. TV too loud.”

“Okay, princess. No TV, just you and me and lots of snuggles.” Frank smiles at you softly as he offers you a hand, guiding you over to the couch and settling down with you on his lap. Grabbing a blanket from the coffee table, he wraps the two of you up nice and warm as he begins rubbing your back, letting you tuck your head into the crook of his neck.

“There you go, honey. It’s okay, see? Nice and safe with Daddy, no scaries here.”

“No scaries,” you mumble as your trembling begins to die down, the man’s familiar warm scent of vanilla and pine filling your lungs with ease as your eyes begin to droop in the safe darkness of your hiding place.

“Not gonna let anything hurt you, honeybee,” he promises, planting a kiss on the top of your head as he’s relieved to feel you relaxing into his hold. “Daddy’s got you, y/n. You’re safe, safe and sound, right here with me.”

#eun's writing #no scaries #frank adler #frank adler fanfiction #gifted #gifted fanfiction #frank adler fluff #frank adler angst #hurt/comfort #frank adler x reader #frank adler x y/n #daddy!frank adler #frank adler one shot #frank adler imagine #frank adler blurb #frank adler drabble #frank adler headcanon

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warcats-cat · 3 years ago

Note

“Home” by Edith Whiskers

Patton

:] <3

Sorry if I ruined your song, @dillydallydove, but Hurt/Comfort will always be my main jam (Honestly just look at my writing tag it's all angst 😂) Thanks for the prompt tho!!!! ☺️💜💜

Also tagging @thecrowslullaby because they asked nicely 💜

Cross-Posted to Ao3 here.

Here is the song.

The Vibes I got on first listen:

Driving

Post breakup, but not really a breakup

Or someone who has been away a long time

Cliche dropping the mixing bowl on hearing news

Transitional, from childhood friends to a little more

Ambiguous Relationship?

I made it Moxiety. Because I love Moxiety. Enjoy 💜💜💜

They’d had fights before, but nothing like this. Not screaming until their throats were raw. Not frantically packing and driving off. Not radio silence for a week solid.

Patton ran his hand over the friendship bracelets on his wrist, feeling the worn strings and beads. The tv was on, murmuring and blinking quietly in the sunset light leaking through the window of his first floor apartment. There was a cup of hot chocolate on the little table they called a coffee table, long gone cold. Patton wasn’t sure if he had made it within the last 24 hours or not. It was just sitting there.

Like he was.

Maybe it was himself; Virgil needed someone calm, and stable. The other man was shy, fidgety. He struggled with anxiety and depression, and Patton couldn’t heal him with hugs alone. But Virgil was worth it.

Virgil was like fresh rain to Patton. He pushed Patton’s limits but also held him when he cried. Patton had his own issues with self-worth, constantly worried that he wasn’t as valuable as he could be in a relationship, platonic or otherwise. Virgil made Patton feel protected, almost worshiped at times. Patton tried to help Virgil feel grounded, safe from the threats of the outside world. Patton wanted nothing more than for Virgil to know how beautiful his soul was.

But he had pushed it too far.

The week previous had been tense; holidays looming over their heads, the question of whether they would host a little christmas get together with their friends. The apartment may not have been glamorous, but it was theirs, together. Patton tried so hard not to go overboard, to stay within Virgil’s boundaries, and in return Virgil was willing to meet in the middle and compromise.

Patton really didn’t know where the argument had come from; something about Patton being too clingy when Virgil needed space, or Virgil being distant and unwilling to open up when he was upset.

They both said things they would regret in an instant.

The regret didn’t matter in the moment.

Virgil was suddenly throwing any clothes and personal possessions he could reach into a duffel bag, overstuffing the poor thing and stomping out the door.

The force of his slamming the door made the walls shudder, and left the door cracked open instead of catching. It had probably sat open for a while after that, while Patton stared into space around him. He wished he could reset; see where the fight had stemmed from and stop it before it started. He wished he could take back what he said. He wished Virgil was still here.

Their relationship wasn’t new, but living together was. The closeness was. Maybe Virgil wasn’t happy with how little time he spent alone now. Maybe this would be it. It wasn’t their first argument but it certainly had been their loudest.

What if it was their last?

At some point, Logan had come over, and he must have shut the door. Patton could remember the other man talking, but none of the words. Just his calming, even tone. Whatever Logan had said was probably important, but it had washed over Patton like static.

And so Patton sat in the dark, staring into nothing. Mind as blank as a fresh sheet of paper.

A sharp ring broke the silence.

Patton almost didn’t answer it, but the doorbell was being so loud, it almost hurt after so long spent in the stillness. It was probably Logan again, or Roman, coming to check on them. He wondered if they had gotten ahold of Virgil yet. He wondered if they would leave if he just didn’t move.

The bell didn’t let up, a constant, almost frantic heartbeat of noise. Burning his ears. He shook his head as if that would wake him from his own stupor, and finally stood to answer it. His legs and back protested the movement after who-knows-how-long. He waddled over to the door, unlocked the latch, and swiftly opened it.

Before he could say anything, something tackled him full speed.

Patton toppled over in an instant, unready and unable to withstand the force. As he hit the carpet, he realized the thing was taller than him, purple and black and desperately hugging onto him.

Virgil.

Virgil was sobbing into his chest, grabbing Patton so tight he felt like a child’s teddy bear during a thunderstorm. Patton wasn’t fully sure what to do with his hands, so stunned to see his partner after so long without. Virgil was muttering something over and over as well, but Patton wasn’t certain he could understand.

Finally, the spell broke, and Patton grabbed Virgil equally as tight, beginning to cry himself. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, they both chanted, holding and rocking and shushing each other. The floor wasn’t comfortable, and Patton felt a little squished under Virgil’s taller frame, but he wouldn’t move for the world.

Virgil was finally home.

They could figure this out.

They would be ok.

#warcats writes #warcats answers #sanders sides #moxiety #sanders sides fic #patton sanders #virgil sanders #ts patton #ts virgil #angst #hurt comfort #angst with a happy ending #hopeful ending #Writing Challenges #dove friend

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oh-for-fic-sake · 5 years ago

Text

Day In The Sun

Masterlist

Henry and you have a serious discussion about your relationship and then have some fun in the garden!

Warnings: Adult situations +18, Smut, Oral (fem receiving), forced orgasms, Overstimulation, Toys, Waterplay (hose/water stream/pool), Daddy kink, mentions of age play, Semipublic sex, Anxiety, Panic attacks.

A/N: so here is a smut piece, I wanted to have the serious break down and realistic talk about their change in relationship that has taken ages to write, I just wanted it to be right this fic is supposed to be about them going from a vanilla relationship to a ddlg/bdsm relationship tho she is a little some of these will be more bondage and s/m to any way just wanted to clear things up lol... Sorry about it being so long tho...and taking so long guys i got side track once again this is long...like even for me like 12000+ words I do hope you enjoy it xx

Taglist: @two-unbeatable-beaters @thatgirly81 @angelofthorr @iloveyouyen @viking-raider (tagging people I think will like if you don’t want to be let me know xx)

Day In The Sun

It was a few days after your first real spanking and Henry had tip toed around you a little bit. And it was nothing to do with you...Well it was.... It was complicated, you hadn't said anything to him about the whole thing, but he had noticed you fall a few times. Not physically but mentally you now had a deeper grasp on your little, you noticed when you were falling into little space and that was when you'd withdraw into yourself immediately stopping hat ever you were doing in that moment and going off to another part of the house quietly.

He could see you were uneasy with it, going so far as to hide away your lama teddy that has sat one your bed since day one!. He had also noticed some toys from the blanket box turned adult toy box in the closet go missing, he wasn't angry as such more concerned you had been very jumpy around him. You were confused at least he hoped it was confusion not fear either way he felt guilty things had been progressing nicely before. He'd managed to give tiny nudges encouraging you to do the things that made you younger like playing your games and doing your 'adult' coloring or reading to you at night to wind down these were just to name a few each slowly eased you in to little space almost trying to drip feed it into your relationship. He was also managing to make small changes unnoticed by you. Nothing major just cutting down your coffee intake and swapping it for juice instead the same with snacks keeping more fruit and less crap around.

He knew you still firmly believed that this whole ddlg thing was a kink for the bedroom and should be left at that but he also knew that you desperately wanted it to be more you just couldn't voice it yet, so he did these things for you that way he could supervise you then scoop you out of it when he thought you were going to freak out and have a proper sub drop, which you wasn't ready for by any means. But the whole ordeal of spanking and being fully aware of your little side had shaken you you were alert and it made it harder for Henry to continue his safe and gentle method of introducing the dynamic.

He had decided to let you mull things over for a few days and acted seemingly normal trying to show you that things hadn't changed as drastically as you feared. But he knew sooner or later you was going to fall and everything would hit you and he had to be ready, he as your dom had to be able to pick you up and help you back together.

He sighed from the kitchen as he wiped the counter top down seeing it happen again right before his eyes, you had been happily doodling in your journal nibbling on your right thumb your phone connected to the speaker in the living room singing and jigging along to your new album k-12 by Melanie Martinez totally in your element voice slightly higher an indicator of you in little space once again but knowingly and completely at ease then everything stopped. He looked up quickly as you stopped singing you'd frozen at the coffee table ,just stopped freezing seeming to realize that you'd been in little space and quickly scrabbling to your phone disconnecting it and putting it down beside you.

You looked down at your page and panicked slamming the boom shut and curled up bringing your knees to your chest and rested your head in them. Your shoulders shook and he could hear the sobs and quiet whispers as you...Scolded yourself? He could hear it as clear as day you berating yourself, the harsh whispers of freak and someone being disgusted? He truly hoped you hadn't convinced yourself he was disgusted with you, far from it he was thrilled to have his little subby!

He paused this was new, he took a few seconds to study you as you started breathing heavy then holding your breath for what felt like minutes at a time but was only seconds. Panicking, you was one breath away from what sounded like a very bad panic attack. Once he was certain you were truly falling to pieces in front of him and needed him to step in he moved.

Quickly and quietly he rounded the counter sitting on the sofa behind you and hoisted you up taking a firm hold of your underarms plucking you up from the floor. You fought him trying to wriggle from his grip not wanting him to see you in this state, but Henry being the huge man he was subdued you skillfully. He uncurled you sitting you on his lap legs bent either side of his waist straddling him leaning on his chest you sobbed quietly.

"I'm so-sorry I d-dont...I-I'm just re-really sor-rry!" He hushed you rocking you slowly as you wept into his chest.

"Oh babygirl what's the matter? what are you sorry for? daddy was here and I didn't see you do anything?" You cried harder at his words feeling ashamed. It washed over you like a huge wave of guilt, nasty whispers in your head repeating over and over how this was wrong, what you wanted was sick and wrong and he would leave if you didn't change lockdown or not. You pulled back aghast at him and shoom your head.

"NO! THATS-WE CAN'T I can't...I have to stop it..stop all this!" You took a deep breath worry anxiety and panic making you flustered as you wriggled again fighting his hold on you, you wanted to run, to lock yourself in the bathroom until this passed but he wasn't letting you go anywhere not until all this was sorted out.

Your words sunk in quickly, cutting at him a little you didn't want this? To be in that sort of relationship with him? He hadn't forced you had he? Hurt you? He licked his lip in apprehension dreading what was going to come of this. Had he read your signals wrong? ignored your true feelings for his own benefit? You struggled again pressing your knees down to bounce off of him, he moved quickly one hand on your waist pressing down holding you right where you was.

"Whoa whoa there little bit....what's the matter? I know gave you time to settle but baby please tell me you haven't let your mind run away with you? Have you? Whats going on love talk to me please"

You looked up and stopped fighting him as he said that, he was worried and anxious you could tell. You swallowed looking at him sadly seeing how upset you'd made him. Sighing you tried looking away but Henry stopped you cupping your face gently you closed your eyes pressing into him.

You'd missed this these past few days, it was your own fault. You were scared, you’d avoided him not wanting to cling to him or risk becoming..whatever it was...A little?. It was hard you were scared and confused and you'd become so used to going to him and letting out all your fears he was your rock. But you just felt this was something you had to sort out alone. So you shut yourself off from him when all you really wanted to do was curl up in his lap and cry.

The whole spanking thing had been fine...You supposed it had been what you wanted the secret need to be corrected,but it was after you'd sucked of a fucking paci! And cuddled your teddy in front of your supersexy boyfriend! How the fuck can he be okay with that? Calling him daddy was one thing but to let yourself be soo deep into... Whatever that was and enjoy it? Was it bad? You wanted more of it, more of him coddling you and looking after you and protecting you, you'd loved how small you'd felt with him afterwards, how things just clicked between you both but it was supposed to be a kink not a lifestyle wasn't it?...It was to much to ask you should just be happy with your arrangement in the bedroom.

You want to be honest with him you really do but how could you tell him that? You couldn't tell him what you really wanted!...That in some strange fucked up way him treating you like a little girl-baby was something you'd never experienced before but it felt right! You felt safe and reassured like nothing could touch you and nothing else mattered...That you'd been online and saw how other little’s and babygirl’s were treated by their daddies and you wanted to try that. No you wont push your luck not with Henry! you wont risk loosing him so you were going to stamp it out! Destroy it before it destroys your relationship.

You were pulled from your thoughts by Henry running his hand from your jaw to the back of your neck pulling you close cradling you softly humming as he rocked you. You melted into him as he drew patterns across your back.

"Sweet girl if you don't tell me how can I possibly help?...." you stayed quiet moving to rest the side of your face against him listening to his heart beat running one fingernail in small circles on his soft top. No you wont talk. You will just take these moments of being small like this and be satisfied. He sighed at your silence someone was definitely being a stubborn girl, he hummed trying to think of something he could do to get you to open up.

"Okay how about I tell you what I have noticed hmm? About what I think is going on then we can talk?" You blinked slowly sounded okay, he wont know so there’d be nothing to talk about. You nodded moving to rub your face into his soft t-shirt breathing in his scent.

"I think your frightened....frightened of your little and what I think....I think you have this silly idea that its bad, and what we do is bad...and I also think that your trying to stop it, trying to fight it..." you gasped how did he? NO! He wasn't supposed to know! You started trembling crying again softly into him. He huffed as you nodded into him again.

"H-howd you find o-out? I'm tr-trying to sto-op it I really am I-Im sorry please don't lea-leave I can Ignore it I swear!" He frowned stiffening under you.

"No baby no I don't want you to stop it or ignore it babygirl listen-" you whined interrupting him

"But its to-o much!...I want to much and I'm being sel-selfish and stupid and childish and the things that I want from us? from you! I saw on the internet what I truly want! You'll leave me! I have to stop Henry!" What started as a small unsure statement became a broken sob and you thrust your face into him harder still bawling our eyes out in harsh body shaking sobs.

Henry took a moment shushing you, calming you down again as you sat there breaking into pieces. The one thing that stood out for him tho was that you didn't want to stop this new turn in your relationship, you felt like you had to. That for some silly reason you thought he was the one who was uncomfortable. He chuckled making you wince.

"Oh sweet pea is that whats been eating away at you? Come here my silly little baby." You hiccuped as he squished you to him tightly peppering your head with kisses.

"You think its wrong. That I will leave if we don't keep this as a bedroom thing correct?" You nodded to him feeling silly still wanting to run and hide, you might do just that you looked up quickly looking around avoiding his gaze and moved trying to untangle yourself from him. He sat there holding you, an unmovable force running his hands across you in slow soothing patterns, he knew what to do it wasn't the first panicking sub he'd had to talk down.

"Hey no..No hiding love look at me...That’s right good girl....Now lets get something straight right here little bit...I love you...I love you for who you are and nothing will ever ever change that... You don't have to change a damn thing. I want this probably more then you." You snapped your eyes to his. What? You whined shaking your head and stopped. He looked sincere? And serious had he meant it? You slowly swallowed and calmed letting his words sink in.

"Deep breaths come on babygirl.....See that’s it isn't that better?....There she is my brave girl~ your shocked huh? Don’t be I told you when I first caught you in our bed I have always wanted my own baby girl to cuddle watch over and look after in every sense, the idea of you needing no. Wanting and trusting me to look after you in the most basic of ways it satisfies something inside of me like...I can't even describe...I want to be your daddy all the time I want to help you with everything, to be care giver to you and your little side." You flushed twiddling your thumbs staring down a them nervously.

"B-but you don't understand...I enjoyed sucking on that that.." you blushed red unable to even say the word out loud.

"No no look at daddy..That’s it good girl, I know you did I was there you know~ and I didn't mind, I loved seeing you let yourself just be content and comfortable with yourself...Sweet pea I'm sorry to say this but you are a little...And a complicated one at that! You swing through ages like I've never seen before, but you always have and I've known from day one...But it wasn't until I found you the other week that I realized on some level you knew to..You crave a daddy, and not just to be spanked and fucked like a run of the mill kink you want something more, you want someone to make the bigger decisions someone you can come to who loves you and will always be firm and fair...You want a dom and a full time no holds bar daddy dom. And I want someone who needs that, who wont see me as an overzealous control freak when I take the reigns, who won't get police involved if she ends up having an unwilling trip over my knee. My need to take care of you is just as ingrained into me as your need to be all cute and small is in you. You are my little, my cute subby and I’m your daddy, caregiver and dom, we have be doing this for pretty much our whole relationship you've only just realized what it is baby" You smiled at him coming around to the idea..

He did make sense you loved how even before all this he would as you put it 'step up' and sometimes put his foot down out right refusing to let you do something stupid now you saw why it effected you so much, the little rush of warmth that melted in your chest when he would take charge.

"A-and my little? I don't know really what it...She is?...And what do you mean ages I dont get that.." He smiled

"She is you baby, you are little all the time really but you have a little space that you fall into your just more aware now is all, you've always done it. And as for ages, some little’s settle on a particular age range you...Well you do and you don't... your normal everyday self is technically a middle a sassy funny little preteen but when certain things happen or the mood strikes you ,you begin to go younger...Like the other day in your spanking made you fall right down through age ranges and crashed into a proper babygirl. I did have an suspicion that would happen its why I had your paci and lama there just incase. And before you say anything I don’t mind I adore it! Your already half way there right now! which I’m afraid you need to pull yourself out of as we are about to have a very important big girl talk." You flushed you kind of guessed that, you took a deep breath.

"Then stop rubbing my back..Not helping!" He laughed pulling back twisting you to side sideways on his lap letting you lean on him instead.

"I'm sorry love there how about that better?" You nodded

"Okay what do we need to talk about?" He gave you a soft smile.

"Well now we have established that we both consent and want to do this, we need to have boundaries...Guidelines so we know what works for us and what doesn't" you nodded at his it made sense.

"So what is it you wanted from me Babygirl? You said earlier you wanted more..and you looked online, I wish you'd waited for me love there is some scary stuff online" you hummed going red again. How were you gonna put this? Now was the time to be honest.

"I-I liked err after when you was erm rocking me...With my teddy and the...You know-" he chuckled

"Your paci?" You nodded quickly trying to brush off what he had said.

"Yeah that..I don't know if...I mean if you wanted to try more of that stuff?" He smiled bright at you.

"You mean you want to explore you babygirl side? With bottles and sippy’s letting you go deep into your little space? Absolutely baby girl! Next." You blinked he had agreed just like that?

"And..Maybe rules...I read online little’s get rules and chores and stuff." He froze so you had been online looking for information about proper safe ageplay.

"...Okay nugget...From now on we agree here and now..I am your Daddy dom and you are my little subby, you will have rules and chores and a good girl chart, but you will also have consequences for naughty behavior time outs, loss of privileges and spankings on the worst offenses...But and this is a big but so listen close...I will not have sex with you if you fall into your babygirl headspace and I will not tolerate you being brat just to get spankings okay? If you try that then you wont like the outcome...We can try everything once and if is doesn't work for the both of us then we wont do it again...Does that sound fair?" You thought about it and nodded but spoke out loud.

"Why would I want a spanking tho...It hurt bad...My bottom is still bruised..And is baby girl different from my little I don't get it" he smirked rubbing his palms down your thighs.

"Well your bottom is still sore because you were a very naughty girl and I had to use my slipper. Not all spankings are bad girl spankings, sometimes they can be fun and very very pleasant if I decide they should be~. And each person has there own take on little space's for me if your little which quite frankly you dip in and out of all the time then I find it okay to be intimate but after a certain Point...No I don't think its okay if your to far gone to young then I wont be intimate with you in that sense." You blinked nodding slowly

"So if I am really small we wont.. but if I'm like now then we can?" He grinned nodding.

"Yes exactly we will have small hiccups but we will always always talk things through just like we are now... In a moment we will write down your rules and your hard limits; things you never want to try even once and then get a list of chores, after they are written you can spend the rest of the day making them into pretty posters" you faltered poster? He rolled his eyes

"We will hang them up in the gym where no one but us will see and I want you to get your lama out of the box in the closet and place him back on our bed where he belongs and put the toys back in our box..Don’t think I haven’t noticed things going walkies missy" You nodded shyly at him as his tone changed into disapproving scold he rasies an eyebrow.

"Use your words baby"

"Yes..Daddy" he beamed at you leaning in giving you a big kiss

"Good girl and that is your first rule right there in the house you call me daddy unless you want to have a very serious one on one talk, and it is not an excuse to get out of trouble either you call me by my name to try and wriggle out of a punishment I will get out the strap which is much more painful then he slipper I can assure you...Three times with that then its the cane... any way enough about that nasty business lets go!" He said rising taking you with him placing you on his hip effortlessly making you squeak grabbing on to him tightly.

"Cane?! You have a cane since when?!" He moved patting your bottom.

"Since before we met and I have used them in the past in clubs but no I have never used this particular one on someone and I don't want to they are very very nasty and that will be the absolute last resort held back for only the naughtiest of things like re offending and putting yourself in a life threatening situation..Like driving home drunk or something similarly stupid ,dangerous and avoidable... now like I said enough of all that and you don't have to hold on so tight nugget I wont let you fall I promise" you took a breath and pressed yourself back into him hugging his neck burying your nose into his neck taking deep breaths. He froze as you whispered under your breath.

"I thought I was gonna loose you" he rubbed your back going upstairs to the office to get pens and paper."You'll never ever loose me baby"

It was one week later when you found yourself running down the stairs at full speed, it was going to be hot today, really hot and Henry had mentioned that if you were good he would get the paddling pool and garden recliners out for the day. You were excited your favorite thing in the summer was floating in the small pool with Kal laying in the water beside you, the always you quickly moved through the hall and kitchen only for Henry to loop an arm around your middle as you tried running past him to the garden.

"Whoa! Where are you of to in such a hurry? On that thought what have I said about running in the house? Especially the kitchen?" He chuckled at your wide eyes and you pointed out to the garden.

"Sorry daddy I just i-its gonna be hot...You said we can have the chairs and pool out....Didn't you mean it?" You tilted your head sweetly pouting at him he looked at you from the top of his eyes then sighed smiling. You squealed with joy knowing it meant yes, but before you could continue outside he pulled you too him with a firm hand.

"First things first love get something on your feet and stay in the shade until I find the sun cream you know how easy you burn...But yes we can get the pool out but only if you help me with the grass and tidy the garden first" you sighed pouting again he lowered his head to you mimicking you sticking out his bottom lip.

"Oh poor baby...I know you don't like it, but if we work together then it will be done faster and before its to hot that way we have the rest of the weekend to relax, I will get the pool out and fill it while I'm hosing down the patio...And for all your hard work we can have a takeaway tonight how does that sound?" You perked up at that. You were a sucker for a takeaway it had become one of your 'good girl' rewards since starting your new found d/s relationship dynamic, you and Henry had found a natural rhythm each falling into your roles comfortably, you were finding it easier to be in your head space always seeming to have yourself in your little space at some degree. You'd both agreed on a set of rules ,chores and rewards. Punishment was really at Henry's discretion but your safe word was there to stop everything if things turned sour.

Currently you were waiting for some of your other... specialized things Henry had got a few things through the post in the week since your talk, a few cool gear water bottles for summer with the reusable ice inserts and stickers for you to decorate your lilac one, some new softer bedding and blankets for in the living room. Henry was adamant that when you had one of your moods you would be taking a nap apart from that he had ordered you some new clothes.

The things you were waiting for was the new pacifiers bottles and proper sippy cups. He found a store online that was just age play and had gone a bit mad...well you thought he had, he brought up almost one of every onesie on the site for starters! Then there was something you was apprehensive about... The nappies they were these strange reusable nappy like things. He said he wanted to be prepared in case of you going into that adult baby state which apparently you had gone into once or twice frankly you didn't remember. You'd nodded trusting him but couldn't help the tiny bit of anxiety over them but still you told yourself it isn't much different from your reusable pads you use on your monthly.

Smiling to him you nodded at him you'd agree to anything for a takeaway.

"Yeah okay!" You agreed instantly he let you go with a quick kiss making you smile, you moved to the door only for him to stop you again.

"HEY what did I just say baby? Go get your shoes first" seeing your face drop made him feel slightly guilty so he added a task, making you think you were doing something for him

"Could you grab mine as well love? Then we can go make a start" You stopped and shook your head laughing.

"Sorry Daddy got to excited I guess" you quickly moved back to the hall grabbing a pair of flip flops and sliding them on then grabbed his you moved to the kitchen giving him his. With a smile and called Kal who ran past you into the garden. You loved seeing him run and jump about on the grass rolling occasionally rubbing his face in it.

It was a simple garden flat and long, just outside the patio door as a large square morrocan mosaic tiled patio, at the moment it was grubby, but underneath that grime build up was a beautiful bright patio. The tiles were a vibrant blues oranges and terracotta colors broken up with brilliant white, the design was of intricate sun stars. Just left of the door was a new built in Barbecue he had it put in the end of last summer and you suspected Henry will spend a lot of time at this year. There was one long raised planter bed separating the two main areas that would soon hold an array of fruits and vegetables. Then there was a stretch of lawn with flower beds either side with one path on the right leading you from the patio to the shed at the very bottom. Either side was a 6ft fence and some of the taller plants on the property line helped keep the garden private. And being an end of terrace meant that you only had to worry about being overlooked on one side.

You hovered by the door in the shade as you’d been instructed to, you found listening to Henry was just...Simpler accepting his judgement was just part of the norm, it always had been to be fair ,but when you'd realized why you'd been so compliant with him you found yourself questioning him more fighting things and it had made you miserable. But now with your knew understanding things were back to normal you just had a better understanding of it all you basked in it. You still had a say in things and he would hear you out taking your thoughts into consideration but ultimately he wore the trousers in the relationship and you were fine with that, you found a strange security in it.

Kal enjoyed the cooler air of the morning racing about on the grass and 'stamping' his feet trying to get you to play with him. You laughed as he barked and pounced at you then leaned down wriggling his ass in the air.

"What's got into you bear?" He barked and stamped again at you

"Oh! Did you here daddy say pool? Is that what it is you want? to play in the water today moosh?" He spun around barking happily then tore off doing laps around the grass. You jumped when Henry placed a warm hand on your back.

"Well he seems excited for a day in the garden...here hold this and arms up" you moved quickly taking the sun cream from him and spread your arms out. He winked opening the cap and letting you put some on his open palm. He moved slowly first dotting out the cream then moved massaging it in with slow firm strokes across your arms dragging his palms in slow rounds covering you in the white cream you closed your eyes as he moved from one side to the other then snapped your eyes as he moved to you chest gasping as a new blob of cold cream was smeared on your chest.

You blushed and held your breath as his hands moved lower into your new cute lilac and blue floral play suit he had ordered it was a spaghetti strap and straight button up with ties at the back to pull it in at your waist. He kept his eyes glued to his hands concentrating on the task smoothing the now warm cream into the tops of your breasts. This was heaven it had to be! you sighed you were getting hotter as he moved paying more attention to your breasts rolling his palms around on your nipples and pinched them lightly making you gasp when they stood at a full attention. You blushed as he plucked the pink buds once more making you shift your weight as heat pooled in your lower tummy, it seemed he was in a playful mood today.

"S-stop!" You fidgeted whimpering at him as he did it again this time pulling them a little twisting them in his fingers.

"Why babygirl you know I just can't help myself~" you moved pressing on his chest weakly.

"N-no not here! We're outside!" He chuckled kissing your neck as he moved behind you his velvet tone caressed your ear as he spoke moving slowly holding his hand below the tube of sun cream for you to add more to his palm.

"No undies today love? You wouldn't be trying to tease me now would you?" He chuckled when he saw your arm tremble slightly knowing full well what he has started

You flinched as the cool cream touched your back then shivered as he once again started rubbing it in using the opportunity to knead out any knots you might have around your shoulders, you went slack moaning softly as he moved lower and lower, coaxing the spaghetti straps down your arms so he could move to the curve of your back.

"Got a little to much that time might as well use it hey sweet pea?" You hummed closing your eyes as he moved running his warm palms back and forth across to your back and sides. He pulled away moving the straps back in place then walked around you and crouched taking the tube away from you and spread another lot on to his hands you moved back a little unsure what he was doing but he gave you a look.

"Ah ah here...That's it shh hold still it wont take long now" you stood still as he smirked up at you moving his hands lazily up across your calves rubbing once again making you melt under his gentle kneading movements. You trembled as he leaned in kissing the inside of your knees as he past them then moved teasingly across your thighs moving going from one to the other massaging front and back. You moaned grasping his shoulders leaning into him your pussy already excited from just his hands roaming and pressing into you. He chuckled when you rocked forward to him unable to help yourself as he made a slow ascent up each leg leaving soft kisses here and there. He continued past your shorts lifting the hem of your play suit making sure his fingers just grazed your bare lips and ass as he rocked them in a back and forth motion stroking you into a little frenzy as he went.

"Ah F-fuck please!" He smiled pressing a kiss to your tummy moving slightly faster "Now now language" you closed your eyes rocking into him lowering yourself to press against the side of his palm.

"S-sorry daddy ahh please" he looked up watching you bite your lip trying to hold back your moans as you wept onto his hand

"I should think so, you know I don't like you swearing even when we play" he moved over switching legs one final time making sure both sides got the same treatment and finally pulled away he smirked lazily up at you then winked. You flushed already feeling like jelly, he’d barely moved away and there was already a tiny damp patch forming on the crotch of your outfit.

"There we go all ready, now you wait here and let that soak in a bit while I get the lawnmower." You sulked as he got up leaving you with a sweet kiss on your cheek and turned making his way down the garden and tussling with kal on the way pushing at the playful Akita who was still running rings around the garden but was now aiming for Henry with each lap. You shook your head at them and leaned on the wall of the house watching him wrestle with the full shed.

After a full five minuets of swearing and grunting he emerged with the flymo and reel extension lead then disappeared only to reappear with your two garden loungers and matching small table. He motioned for you to come help get the folded chairs.

"Baby! Come put these down there would you?" You smiled running down the garden to him and collected them taking the plug from the extension lead to, you moved quickly placing the folded chairs against the wall. Then moved to plug in the extension lead into the exterior wall outlet.

"Its ready!" You called out to him

"Thank you love now go inside and get the air pump then make a start on cutting back the bay tree" you nodded and turned heading into the house hearing him start the mower. You quickly picked up Kals outside water bowl it needed a good clean. It took you a good fifteen minuets to find the airpump but as always it was in the last place you looked, the cupboard downstairs in the gym. You swear you could kill the man he can't just leave things be!. You placed it on the counter then moved to clean Kals bowl and filled it with fresh water adding a few ice cubes from the fridge to keep it cooler for longer.

Whilst there you also made you and Henry some squash you moved out to the back garden and almost dropped to the floor as your knees went weak. He was really pushing it today! He'd shed his t-shirt walking lengths back and forth still cutting the grass, you licked your lips rubbing your thighs clenching tight together as your pussy wept onto your poor cotton shorts making the already damp patch worse , you could see from here the sheen of sweat from the heat of the mid morning sun already on his broad back you took a second to admire him, the way his muscles rippled across his back and ribs as he moved quickly. He turned once her reached the end and smiled up at you chuckling shaking his head as he made his way towards you, you must have looked a sight, standing there quivering just holding yourself together. You snapped out of it and put Kals bowl down in the shade by the barbecue.

"Hey babe you okay there you look flushed?" He finished with a laugh when you frowned at him.

"Your teasing stoooopp!" He shook his head moving forward lifting the mower lid and removed the basket full of grass, he strutted past you emptying the it in the garden waste bin.

"Oh good you found the pump! I forgot to tell you I'd moved it" you rolled your eyes and thrust his drink to him.

"Here your a sweaty betty already don't need you passing out....Then I wont get my pool up." He took the glass placing it on the wall behind him.

"That all I'm good for? Putting up your pool? I’m wounded" He leaned in wrapping a damp arm around you making you squeal and try to get away.

"OH MY GOD NOOO STOOOP!" He laughed and held you tighter to him

"What's the problem? I thought you like cuddles?" You pouted up at him making him kiss you, you moaned loudly as he moved you to stand in front of him cupping your ass squeezing the two now healed cheeks then pulling them up pressing you to his front. Wow how the fuck are those jeans hiding that? You grunted at him and pressed harder to his erection he groaned bucking up into you trying to gain more friction. You both moved kissing one another deeper and more desperately tangling tongues in a fevered display then pulled back slowly needing to breath each of you taking huge gasping breaths. You moved up smoothing some of his curls from his face...He really wanted a haircut but the barbers were all still shut and you was not going to touch his glorious curls anytime soon...You like having more to pull.

"Your hot-"

"Thank you baby girl" you rolled your eyes at his cheesyness then looked to the lawn you pulled back patting his chest.

"To hot ...You go do the baytree in the shade and I will finish the grass...Afterall I have to earn my pizza" you giggled he smirked still reaching for you grasping your hips.

"Or you could earn your pizza right here~" you snorted when he moved in rubbing his erection on your ass. You batted him away giggling.

"Later daddy I want my pool" you whined he laughed in disbelief as you wriggled away from him picking up the discarded lawnmower insert only to squeak as his palm connected with the underside of your ass leaving a light pink print.

"Heeeyy! I was being good!" You whined he just shrugged at you

"Daddy loves his baby's ass...And that play suit rides up perfectly, its to tempting I couldn't resist" You pouted rubbing the warm spot then plopped the basket back into the mower and flipped it on. There was only three maybe four lengths to do and it would be done. You quickly set about getting to work as Henry began giving the bay tree a good cut back, it didn't take either of you long to be done with your tasks and soon enough Henry was attaching the hose to the outside tap getting ready to hose down the patio.

"Babe go inside and get ready, there's a new swimdress in your top drawer" you smiled at him excited quickly scampered past him with Kal hot on your heels up into the bed room quickly slipping on a cute mermaid themed hell bunny swimdress grabbing your watermelon beach towel you ran back down into the garden you squealed as he moved aiming the cold water at you catching our tummy making you swear at him.

"Shit! Henry noo that’s to bloody cold!" He frowned at you then did it again this time holding it following you as you fled from the water...He didn't like you swearing and especially when you were swearing at him that was a definite no no, you spluttered and screamed at him holding your towel as he kept the water on you for a few seconds. Then moved it away washing the last of the water on the patio towards the drain. He sighed giving you a stern glance before speaking

"Now that’s not very ladylike poppet, you know I don't appreciate that language and you know by now I prefer my other name around the house baby" had you not been so irritated you would have picked up on the steely undertone of his words and the threatening stance he took widening his legs and standing straighter, his jaw locked and eyebrow arched. His whole demeanor screaming 'just who do you think your talking to little girl?'... ‘

But as luck would have it you didn't notice any of these warning signs, you were to wrapped up in your paddy and instead growled at him and stomped your foot flicking back your sopping hair with a loud wet slap falling head first into one of your brat fits.

"Fuck lady like Henry! That’s freezing Jesus Christ its in the kitchen! And we are in the garden not in the house so Henry is fine! Fucking hell! you got my towel wet!! Loooooookkk!" You threw your now soaking towel on the floor at his feet with a harsh slap but faltered when you moved your gaze up to his.

You swallowed noticing your mistake to late. He stopped the hose and gave you a look, definitely unimpressed with the tantrum you just threw,you took a step back as he moved picking up the towel.

"Henry? Im soRRYY!" quickly with out any hesitation he spun and flicked it faster the you could dodge snapping the end right at your leg making you yelp and jump back out of reach one hit was enough. He pointed at you in warning then through the towel at you

"That was your first and second warning one more and you won't be spending the afternoon in the pool instead you'll be weeding the garden with a sore ass you understand me?" You couldn't help the way his stern voice affected your already dripping center that had wetted the gusset of your cozy, you nodded to him guilt washing over you as he continued with a furrowed brow.

"Today is supposed to be a nice relaxing day in the sun and I will be very upset if you act up and ruin it" you looked to our feet upset as he scolded you.

"If you go put that on the washing line now it will be dry by the time you've been in The pool... That's if you change the attitude if not then we can go inside and you wont be having it out clear?" You gasped at him catching the towel with a meek look.

"Hen-daddy please!"

"Enough Are we clear little girl?" You nodded at him solemnly

"Words" you gasped flushing looking around praying the neighbor's wouldn't hear, he stood giving you an even look whining you shook your head motioning to being outside not in the safety of the house he simply watched you and made to take a step towards you. Jumping unsure of what he had planned you fumbled over your words quickly.

"Y-yes daddy.. I'm sorry daddy" he smiled at you nodding then motioned for you to walk to the rotary washing line, you did pegging up the towel pouting then turned to him.

"Enough pouting that bottom lip better be away by the time I'm down there!" You quickly sucked it up as he moved the now folded lawnmower and made his way past you towards the shed to put it away. You watched nervously as he then heaved out the folded pool jumping you smiled rushing to hep him as he wrestled it through the door to the lawn he stopped dropping it then moved to you cupping your face smiling.

"There’s my little subby~ see no need to act up and spoil the day now go get the pump I have already plugged it in. You smiled kissing him then ran the length of the garden Kal joining you sprinting past like it was a race.

It wasn't long before the small pool was up and being filled so far it was half full, Henry had used the tap in the kitchen to fill it with warm water so it wouldn't be such a shock on your skin...Kal was already paddling in it slapping at the waters surface tongue lolled out he was a happy. You moved sitting on the floor beside him bending over the edge of the pool splashing him making him spin quickly before tearing off out of the pool and around the grass skimming the top of the pool as he flew back over into it splashing you back. You giggled turning slightly to see Henry oogling your ass from one of the loungers he had traded his jeans for some swimshorts that hung..low you could see the small trail of hair that you knew grew thicker just below the waist band. The loose shorts did nothing to cover he raging boner, at the sight of it you clenched violently pussy leaking on to your swimming cozy again, you shuddered. He hadn't notice you staring you smirked dipping down lower spreading your legs as you did, you arched forward showing off your ass the skirt of the swimming costume just covering you're covered ass leaving your mound on display and bent down over the inflated pool moan provocatively as your arms dipped into the pleasantly cool water.

Henry watched as you bent over wriggling your ass side to side,the swimming costume riding up between your cheeks slightly before being covered by the skirt, he groaned he knew what you were doing, and he would definitely oblige tho you may find your self in...Hot water so to speak. Showing an incredible amount of restraint he waited he wanted to see just how much you wanted him. You moved lower spreading your legs and arched popping up you bottom moving it again trying to entice him, he bit his lip. Fuck it. He got up entering the house he made his way to the cupboard under the stairs and pulled out your huge round lemon covered picnic blanket with tassels, it was super soft microfiber. finally he moved to get your towel that was used for your playtime to soak up any... mess he smirked forming a plan in his head. He would have to be careful not to be seen but heard? He didn't give a fuck if the neighbor's heard you! atleast then they had something decent to listen to rather then their dodgy seventies summer playlist that has never had a song added to it since the seventies. Before exiting the house he also ran upstairs into to toy box routing through untill he found what he was looking for.

A satisfyer traveler. Due to how much he had been spending in buying his arsenal of toys, he had a gift code sent through from bondara for fifty percent off it. It was compact and had a little magnetic lid to it to keep it clean. It did look weird it was effectively a hole with a raised rim to it... A small tube like tunnel about and inch long, deep inside at the bottom was a small soft plastic cover that moved like a plunger. It was designed to suckle on your clit it also vibrates at the same time, it had raving reviews. He had already tested it on his palm and was quite impressed it was a powerful little thing after a few minutes on the ninth out of eleven settings it had left a mark on his skin from sucking on it. It was in a way almost like a pussy pump but just for your clit. Or he hoped so it would be amazing if this little device could suck your little bud swollen, until one single swipe of his finger could send you into a mind shattering orgasm.

He made his way out of the house and back to the pool, you were still bent over laying your head on your crossed arms pouting. You must have noticed him go in, you hadn't noticed him come back out tho. He crept up beside you making you jump as he spoke in a deliberately deep voice knowing what it does to you.

"Babygirl would you stop bending over so much...Your cosy is going up and I don't want the neighbor's to see your cute little tush" he crouched down beside you sliding a finger below the fabric of the swimming costume at your ass and pulled it down with a sharp tug then followed the hem and ran it down between your legs to your front doing the same.

You gasped bucking forward in to the inflated pool as his hot finger traced from your ass to your cunt pulling the fabric, his knuckle skimmed your wet entrance making you jolt even more, now kneeling upright looking back at him blushing. "But how will they daddy? it has a skirt see?" He scoffed and wriggled up to kneel behind you his fingers moving higher probing for your clit then rubbed slow circles around it. You shivered throwing your head back against his collarbone gyrating your hips slowly against him gasping softly. He moved forward resting his chin on your shoulder checking the waterline...still another half hour or so to fill it...Then again it was quite big it had to fit you him, Kal and a few cans of beer inside...

"Oh sweetness? Whats this? You didn't have an accident did you?" You moaned cringing slightly at the thought and shook your head.

"N-no Daddy I didn't honest" he tutted moving his other hand slowly down the join his first this one rubbing from out side of your swimsuit running a single pad around your quivering hole. You arched but was stopped by the pool on your stomach pinning you to his frame, you had nowhere to move or turn to...

"Oh? Then whats all this hmm? Your all wet baby...whats going on Munchkin?" You whined as he pressed harder against you making you feel his erection, his bare skin touching yours through the cut out back of your one piece.

You flushed as he kept rubbing his fingers across you in a teasing motion, is words made you tremble, he knew what he was doing."I-i it wasn't an accident! Its your fault!" He pursed his lips.

"My fault? How is it? OH is this?! Now I understand sweet pea are you all messy for daddy? Poor thing." He pulled away from you, you whined nodding at him. he shook his head tutting then moved away from you completely reaching for the towel and toy. He moved to the opposite side of the pool laying the towel down spreading it out letting some of it fold up the side of it. You tilted you head at him you hadn't noticed he'd got that out and you shivered knowing what it meant, he fussed with it for a few more seconds picking of tiny grass off cuts that had got on it then patted it for you.

"Come on pumpkin!" you blinked at him, the garden really? you moved looking over to the row of houses on the other side of the garden then shook your head at him.

"Come on princess, I promise no one will see trust me"

Slowly you hesitantly crawled the few feet sighing as your knees met the soft towel, it was a thick super soft microfiber bought specifically for this purpose Henry had taken great care in finding something that was absorbent and soft as not to chaff your skin and he made sure to was it with care with plenty of softener so is was always comfortable. it felt like heaven on your knees rather then the prickly grass that really needed a good water. Henry was quick to place you where he wanted leaning your back to rest on the cool plastic pool then moved spreading your legs as far as he could his hands engulfing your thighs. then curling his fingers around them he dragged you down letting just your shoulder blades on the pool, by doing this he had pulled you completely out of view of the windows of the neighbors finally he cupped the crook of your knees and pressed them back to you holding you wide open for him.

"Here poppet hold your legs...Good girl just like that now don't you let them go~" you flushed holding your legs for him feeling your lips spread open for him in this position.

He leaned back growling just having you hold yourself open and waiting for him, being soo good for him made him ready to just fuck you into oblivion. but he wanted to try a few things, experiment with you a little more. you took a deep breath as he finally moved forward one hand slowly lightly running across your center you arched in to him getting a light pinch on your mound."Ah ah stay still little one, just like that such a good girl keeping your legs still hmm? so good for daddy" you nodded unsure if it was a question of not. your blood was pumping full of fear and arousal knowing that you were outside was just..wow the thought of someone over hearing you or seeing you made it more intense.

He continued his slow stokes across you over your swimming costume, the barrier creating a new friction on the sensitive bud. you panted as he changed pace moving your clit from side to side in quick flicking motions.

"Agh! D-Daddy! PLeaseplease!" he chuckled moving his other hand to your contracting hole pressing against it almost entering then began a fast come hither motion watching as you choked back a moaned gasping tensing trying to hold position but grind down at the same time pulling your legs higher trying to encourage him to enter you further. he smiled watching as you desperately tried to hold still but just couldn't manage it wriggling around trying to have more of him. he moved laying down pressing his wide shoulders into your thighs the added pressure helping to hold them open you watched in what felt slow motion as he moved in pressing a sweet kiss on your covered mound then he nuzzled into you pressing his nose to you breathing in your scent making you flush and kick out a little

"N-no dont! thats embarassing! DAADDY!" you cried throwing your head around looking to make sure no one could see, one hand slipping from your knee letting it slip down, he was fast quickly bringing hi hand up catching it then pressed it back holding it higher then before. he smirked up at you moving to take a deeper breath then growled out you twitched as the hot breath vibrated on to you.

"god baby you really do want daddy huh?" before you could reply be sunk his face down into you prodding with his tongue moving it against you to find your clit then bit lightly running his teeth against you making you try to grind down on him again.

"Ah! D-Daddy?! What are youOH! FUCK FUCK NOOO!" you swore throwing your head back violently as he moved one hand pulling your cozzy to the side and sucked harshly on your clit then began a torturous assault on it harsh sucks and bites rolling the swollen bud between his sharp teeth making to tense and shiver curling up against him trying to free your leg and released the other trying to find some leverage to escape his onslaught. You regretted it when he simply caught it and held it up along side the other. Somehow without pulling away from his delicious feast he had caught your ankles crossing them then pinned them with one hand stretching you out.

You sobbed as his harsh mouth attacked your clit then soothed it with hard licks with the flat of his tongue. he grunted up into you using his free hand to halt your light rocking holding your hip then moved down his agile tongue slipping in heavy circles around your opening making you cry out again slipping down the towel.

"N-nononono! please I-I can't! don't don't make me! please don't make me D-Daddy! FUCKFUUUCK! noo I-We we're in the garden! ou-outside!" he pulled away smiling at you then quickly impaled you on two fingers making you let out a silent scream as you digits swirled pressing around your hot walls making you tremble.

"Come on sweet heart~ You can do it! I know you can, that’s it do it for Daddy" you whined arching high trying to break his hold of your ankles but her just shook his head keeping his embedded fingers moving with you then sat up putting his weight on the arm pinning your ankles cease your movements. you grunted in annoyance when he did this overpowering you so effortlessly.

He leaned down between your legs and kissed your lips as he began pumping his hand, letting you feel his strength each harsh pump of his hand jolting you against the pool within a few strokes the pool water was sloshing loudly in time with him. You closed your eyes everything was heightened, you could taste yourself on his lips as he moved them in sync with yours prying your mouth open with a deep moan as he forced you to taste yourself on his tongue as he devoured you deeply, you harsh shunts of your body and the feel of the water in the pool rippling and pressing, bouncing you back towards the think fingers.

You whined into the kiss as his fingers sped up curling up to your special spot that you knew by now was how he forced you to squirt around him. you shook your head pulling back from him tears in your eyes trying to pull away from his fingers but he was a man on a mission. you whined gripping the towel below you you knew he wasn't going to relent not until you'd fallen apart around his fingers, you whimpered in slight pain as your abdomen began clenching painfully tight you nerves felt hot burning your blood ran heated roaring through your veins your moans and pants drowned out by your impossibly fast pulse echoing in your ears you panted red and sweaty feeling fevered as you quivered bones trembling as he continued his mastery of your body, playing you like a skilled musician. He grunted slipping a knee below himself giving him more purchase.

"N-NOO! pleaseple-I CAN'T yesyesAGH FUCK DADDY WHY?!" he smirked as your protest became a broken weak sob you was very close indeed.good. he began twisting his hand with each pass of his fingers massaging you just right

"THATS IT! good girl look at me...Good girl just look at daddy~ I've got you now I want you to cum, cum right now babygirl thats it I can feel it sweet pea so close aren't you?" you grunted curling gasping faster unable to catch your breath as his fingers seemed to brush every spot you had you yelped as he twitched his fingers slightly forcing you to release you gasped holding eye contact seeing his wide grin as you flooded over his fingers in a loud and lewd squirt you shivered in the aftermath as he slowed down finally praising you.

"See such a good girl and look no one saw you just like I promised" you whined nodding to him bucking and mewling as you shock with violent aftershocks as you seemed to release thick streams of cum across his hand you cried what felt like floods of tears as your body reacted to his ministrations slowly you began coming back down to earth. you opened your eyes just in time to see him lapping and suckling at his fingers you moaned between heavy pants as he set your legs down either side of him on the towel.

You laid there panting unable to move feeling like jelly nerves shot and skin prickling form the aftermath. That was intense. So intense. And you didn't know why it must have something to do with being outside, the idea of being caught being naughty. Henry moved a warm hand to your tummy rubbing it lightly massaging away the ache from tensing so much.

"D-Daddy? I can't move, I'm tired I want a nap.." he chuckled at you as you closed your eyes your breathing was coming back down now then reached over bringing the toy over. He patted your leg then shuffled you back up the side of the pool making you groan.

"Well baby we aren't done yet just two more okay? then daddy will clean you up... Can you do that for daddy? and we can go get the pizza order done for tonight and you can have a nap on your blanket out here?" you peeked and eye open at him whining.

"Noooo I'm to tired! not now daddy please!" he scoffed at you moving your feet flat you the floor as always keeping your knees spread, he tutted quickly swiping your skirt out of the way rolling it up to your tummy. you whimpered batting at his hands weakly

"Ah ah no come on like i said two more then we will stop! that’s it up you go...There she is my good baby!" you sighed knowing you wasn't getting away anytime soon. You eyed him cautiously as he brought what looked like a little black box you tilted your head.

"Whats that?" he smiled at you and waved it around.

"This is a new type of toy..Something we have never tried and daddy is very excited to try with you" you blinked as he opened it and saw a tiny hole with a rim...What the fuck?, noticing your apprehension he took your hand and pressed it onto the back of it then turned it on then straight up to number four so you could feel exactly what it did. He could see the moment when the penny dropped and you realized what it did. you shook your head trying to scrabble back from him only managing to bump into the pool that was now only around fifteen minuets from being full he had to be quick if he wanted to try the other thing.

"N-ooo no way I Cant that's- I'm to sensitive, I wont last please!" he just moved closer wedging his form between your legs so you couldn't close them. you froze when he moved the pulsating toy to your revealed sex. you cringed as he wasted no time in prying you apart concentrating on your pussy as he placed the sucking hole over your engorged clit. you bucked into him as the toy pulled at your little bud and your walls began fluttering.

"HAH HAH HOOHHH GOD PLEASE THATS ITS NOnononononoooo" you cried unable to stop yourself from thrusting forward onto it he smiled watching closely was you lost your fight grinding harshly into the hand holding it still, he followed your movements with the toy then flicked it up a few levels that added vibrations to the harsh sucking he could feel it humming in his hand with the strength of it. you arched bucking wildly cutting off your own moans with loud gruntal sobs.

The toy was something else and entirely new beast! sucking on you with harsh fast tugs almost like it was trying to wank your over sensitive clit like a cock and the vibrating ring attached to the base of it was powerful and inescapable unlike other toys he had used you could wriggle and accidentally move it, slide it away from that special spot this one completely encompassed you abused clit. with one final click of a button you screeched cumming hard walls clenching and throbbing bucking and grinding uncontrollably in the air as your body screamed in protest to the almost pailful climax. you cried fat tears as he was to slow to pull it away making you sting slightly.

"D-DaaDDYY no tak-take it off OFF NOW IT-fuck thank-thank you oh god that was" you covered your face whining as he moved fast then took a peek. he gasped looking down seeing your clit larger then ever before and a dark red swollen, you withered as the cool air hit the now over sensitive bud gyrating your hips. he moved closer pulling your lips apart to get a better look."Baby I'm sorry that looks sore...Is it?" you nodded then shook your head you didn't know it was just buzzing twitching and fuck you'd never felt that before."okay sweetness...I'm finished teasing now Daddy will fuck you then wash you off okay?" you nodded even after everything he had done you still wanted his cock, you craved it and doubted you'd ever refuse.

he moved quickly back and dragged you down by your ankles laying you down flat on your back, you cringed as you laid in the wet patch you'd made. he laid down on top of you quickly slipping his cock out of his swim shorts with a quick well practiced motion he moved pressing into you mindful of your obviously tender clit. you gasp as he stretched your aching muscles, the way he teased your walls apart was a relief pulling the tight overworked muscles taught. you sighed once he had almost fully seated himself he was avoiding your clit for the time being having something else planned he wanted you to feel better. You cried out as he rocked into you grunting and moaning, h felt cool against your burning insides his veins and ridges catching on your pussy making it flutter around him yo grunted trying to bounce down onto him

"FUck! babyBABY! NONOno still AGH FUCK ME! sweety NO! thats it stop stop baby good girl let daddy do it....UGGHH YESS!" he hissed as he held you still fucking into you spearing your hot cunt you held onto his back feeling the strong muscles move helping him to pump into you in long powerful strokes making you grunt and bounce off his thighs he moved kissing you groaning into your mouth twisting his head then moved letting his body lay on yours stretching out his hands pulling your hands down and interlocking his fingers with yours as he moved in slow undulating thrusts making love to you instead of a fevered fucking. you melted below him feeling the heated skin of his chest through the swimdress you now think you understood why it was a swimdress and not a normal one piece, the skirt hid your coupling from the view of any nosey neighbors.

You panted pulling back from him, he rested his head against yours grunting louder and fucked into you faster he was close. you ground yourself on him.

"Pl-please daddy please cum, I want it! please please I'll be good I promise cum inside me please~" your words must have helped as he grunted then growled moving faster still hips stuttering, he moved tugging the short skirt up and peeked down seeing your swollen clit didn't look as sore now and quickly placed his hand there your reaction was immediate as he brushed the small bundle of nerves with each thrust you gasped bucking harshly again unable to stop yourself from chasing that high once again you panted harshly with Henry then with a skilled flick of his wrist you grunted arching up to him squeezing him tight releasing around him this time your cunt satisfied with the cock embedded deep inside of you. he leaned down closing his mouth over yours as his cock swelled releasing into your depth with a loud growl giving a few last quick thrusts then stilling emptying his balls inside of you. you giggled when he pulled back tucking himself away and rolling over one hand flipping your skirt back down then creeping below it snapping your cozzy back to cover you again.

you both laid looking up at the sky watching the clouds sighing relaxing.

"That was incredible!" you moved your head to him as he laughed reaching out a hand to scratch at your scalp you hummed at him half asleep. he rolled over you and kissed you on your cheeks then slowly got up picking you up you were limp in his arms and rolled your head to his neck.

"Come on babe, I'll hose you down and we can order pizza then you can have a nap" you hummed nodding not really paying attention. your eyes snapped open as you herd him step in the pool.

"HUH? W-What?" he shushed you and lowered you into the warm water he as you in the corner and kneeled before you carefully. you whined as he pressed your legs open once more below the water and moved his hand around your swollen fucked pussy. you jolted as he rubbed lightly then pulled the hose that was still running water and directed the flow to your pussy. you whined trying to twist away.

"Ah ah come on let me clean you up" you whined as the pressure of the water soothed your tender clit feeling cool on your heated skin. It wasn't long before your held dropped back on the sun warmed plastic. You gasped whimpering softly as he moved the stream of water across you up from your clit to your twitching hole, you bucked and rocked slowly he maneuvered your cozzy pinching the gusset and pulled it higher letting it slip into your folds trapping your clit and swirled the hose around it the twisted the nozzle making the water come through slightly more powerful. you jolted but he held you still pressing the hard plastic to your bulging mound tilting it down making the water run across your hole pussy building you up one last time then he would stop.

"Noo...DaDDYY! I cant ...not in the pool?!" he smiled tilting his head and kissing you then crowded you hiding your quivering form with his huge frame he rested his face at your ear as you withered against him.

"Its okay baby, don't forget i got the filter pump to put in and all the chlorine to go in...its fine baby just relax let go then you can have your nap~" he couldn't help it he was selfish he wanted to spoil you, to make you fall apart again and again he hadn't made you cum in over a week he was making up for lost time. you grunted arching into him trying to forget the fact you was in the pool in the garden. Which was hard to do when your movements were splashing the water around you. You cried out as he moved the hose lower pointing the powerful stream up hitting the underneath of your still swollen clit your eyes opened and you gasped loud curling forward tensing pressing your head into Henry's chest and came with a cry. Henry shuddered feeling you release into the water a warm stream passing over his leg you wriggled at him moaning twitching completely fucked out relaxing in the water he watched satisfied as you started floating.

Once he was sure you was back down to earth again he stood scooping you up with one arm holding the hose in the other hand he quickly lifted the hose tossing it on the grass making Kal yelp and run as it pointed at the dog who has been minding his own business on the grass lounging in the sun.

"Fuck..Sorry Kal..You okay buddy?" the Akita snorted at him and curled up facing away from you both. you huffed a laugh

"He's not happy with you" he scoffed shaking his head making his way down the garden with you cradled in his arms.

"Well I did just soak the poor bugger" you blinked weakly

"Makes two of us!" he through his head back laughing finally making it to the lounger that were both now in full sun, he kicked it back to lay down and placed you onto it with a sweet kiss.

"You get some sleep nugget and i will order the pizza barbecue chicken right?" you nodded sleepily hearing him move entering the kitchen

"AND MOZZORELLA STICKS...AND ONION RINGS!" he called out an 'yes I know' and you curled onto your side hearing Kal pad up to your side and lay down with a loud sigh sprawling out in the shade you made on the floor you moved a hand down and began twiddling his fur in your fingers falling asleep in the warm sun.

That was how Henry found you both ten minuet's later snoring softly Kal shifted giving him a judgmental stare.

"What?....Okay I get it I'm sorry....But look at her can you blame me? a sexy woman like that you know....Well no you don't know your still a virgin soo...Yeah sorry about that boy." Kal groaned and move lying on his side Henry sighed waving off the grumpy boy and laid back on the other lounger with a book deciding to read whilst you had your well deserved nap.

#henry cavill #henry cavill smut #henry cavill fic #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill x little!reader #henry cavill fanfiction #quarantine writing #henry cavill is daddy #henry cavill x y/n #henry cavill x you #henry cavill x female reader

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ntamain · 4 years ago

Photo

Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she's gay?

another gay gem from the r/relationship reddit

Update:

Image ID under the cut, please let me know if I did it wrong!

[Image ID: four screenshots of a post from the relationship subreddit by tumblr user nta-main. The title reads “Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she’s gay?”

The text reads “Update post is now locked, I cant believe so many people were interested in us!! Thank you again for your support, comments and messages.

Hi all, I can't believe I'm asking for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. Sorry for the incoming essay but I guess I need to give history. I bought my first house in September last year, It was an odd time but everything just fell into place. It's quite a small village and everyone is really friendly so I got to know my neighbours soon after moving in - yes, socially distanced. Then I met my over-the-road neighbour, let's call her Elle. I can't describe it but it's the first time I've ever met someone and been lost for words and my heart was racing and just thought "omg", y'know?? So after I blushed my way through a welcome to the village type convo we only saw each other for a wave and hello for a few days.

To help kinda settle in I had my dog (Bea) with me for the first few weeks. During this time there was a massive increase in dog thefts in a nearby town, not just from gardens but literally wrestled away from people. If I'd have been working (furloughed off and on since March) then I would've taken Bea back to mum's but since I was home with her all day she stayed. So the local police advised to not walk dogs alone but we go out twice a day, a 10k run in the morning and a few miles walk in the evening. So obvs this scares me, but at the same time she is honestly a pain in the arse and gets upset if she doesn't go for a run and needs to be tired out so I'm kind of stuck at this point. Then along comes Elle. She knocked on the door and offered to come with us as she'd seen Bea and me in the evenings and everything kind of spiralled from there. I told her about my morning runs but she didn't really bite so I thought nothing of it. Then a few days later I bumped into her on a run, so she started joining us on those too.

A few months later and we are spending more and more time together everyday. It has now progressed to a run early morning, afternoon coffee, dinner most evenings and then the evening walk. It just seemed to happen without me really noticing. I didn't read into things that much as I don't want to get my hopes up and ruin anything until another neighbour commented about how much time we spend together and how "it's nice to see you young gals getting on" and winked. She actually winked at me. I asked her what she meant but she just laughed and said "you know what I mean". So now I'm looking back on things and wondering if she could like me too?

Here's some reasons why she might like me:

I went running along the same route at the same time for nearly 2 weeks before I happened to run into her a few days after I told her this?

I make her a coffee every afternoon (Elle is WFH) and take it over in her fave mug. She says I make good coffee but I'm pretty sure I saw a fancy coffee machine the first time I went round (it's not there now?).

Elle carried on running and walking with me even after Bea went home. I told her she was going back to mum's and she said well "I'll have to make another excuse to join you" and then we just carried on everyday.

She has tried really hard to bond with Bea. Bea is a very anxious dog and is scared of everyone except me and mum. Elle bought special treats to give her everyday and has been so amazing with her and never tried to force anything. When I asked her she said "it's important to me that she likes me and is comfortable". Bea actually fell asleep between us on the sofa yesterday and It just makes my heart skip a beat guys.

She invited me to the zoom quiz she does with her friends every fortnight or so and they were all like "oh so this is who we've heard so much about "

We realised we had become each other's support bubble. Elle asked if I was meeting anyone else and I said no, she said she was glad she had me all to herself (!!)

We gave each other quite personal xmas presents. Like, it actually made me tear up it meant so much to me. And she bought stuff for Bea!!

Reasons why she might not like me:

All the reasons above, but that she's just doing them because she's a fucking great person and we're friends?

It might sound dumb but idk I need your help guys. She is the just the most incredible person I have ever met and I really really like her but if she isn't gay or doesn't feel the same I don't want to lose her friendship as she has become such a huge part of my life. I genuinely have no experience with these kind of things as I went to quite a strict all girls school, so it's not as if there were any relationships around me as a teen and then I went to a very small uni (8 of us on my course). I guess another reason is that I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past 10 years, as well as my weight and working on my self confidence, but I can say that right now I am the happiest and healthiest (both mentally and physically) I have ever been. I've only just really become comfortable with the fact that I'm gay and I have never really told anyone in real life, but I don't think people would be too surprised lol. I don't have any close friends as no one stuck around when I was really struggling with my MH a few years ago so I can't discuss this with anyone irl.

So I need your advice : how do I find out if she is gay? And no, I don't have the confidence to just ask!! What if she says no and I ruin everything? She has never mentioned anything about past relationships and I'm pretty tactless so not sure how I could naturally slip it into the convo. Like, "hey tell me have you ever had a girlfriend? Do you want one now?" Lol. And how can I make a move without really making a move so I don't ruin things??

tl;dr : Don't know whether my neighbour is gay and into me or is just really friendly. How can I make a move without ruining our friendship?

Edit: Ok guys, thank you so so much for all your support and encouragement. You've all given me a lot to think about. I think I'm going to casually slip some gay stuff into conversation and see how she reacts. Then bring up the neighbours comment like some of you suggested, seeing as tho the neighbour was heavily implying that we're gay. I'll do it tonight otherwise I'll talk myself out of it again. I will post an update to let you know what happens (eek). If you never hear from me again assume it went badly and I am consoling myself with cake and watching brokeback mountain in floods of tears.

Hi reddit, yes it's me the useless lesbian. First off I want to thank you all for your support, encouragement and advice - and the undeserved awards! I never expected this many of you to take the time to comment and that so many of you were rooting for us.

So I had the plan to drop these gay hints into convo like you guys suggested but honestly it all went out the window. Elle was kinda stressed friday after a shitty work zoom and just needed to vent so it wasnt the right time to start anything. Though I guess I must have been a bit off thanks to spending all day overthinking things on here, as Elle turned up Saturday morning rambling about stressing me out and apologised (!!) for ruining dinner. Obvs I said "what are you talking about you can talk to me about anything", and she said "anything?" and I said "anything" back. And guys the tension was unreal, staring at each other and hoping our lesbian mind reading powers would kick in.

Then there was some loud noise like a car backfiring or something and the moment went. So I went to make coffee and then Elle asked me why I was a bit quiet the night before and I said something about overthinking stuff and she said "what stuff" and idk you guys I wasnt prepared to be put on the spot my casual gay pop culture references were useless in this moment. My mind just went completely blank and I forgot every single thing you guys suggested and my heart was pounding and I just blurted out you know I like you, right?.

...And then she kissed me. Kissed me. We straight up just snogged in the kitchen and it was fucking great. So...you were right. You were all fucking right. She's gay, she likes me and has been trying to drop hints for nearly 5 months. sigh

We were both just too scared to make a move or ruin anything. Turns out she's been burned by straight girls in the past, so she's pretty wary and was hoping I'd straight up say I'm a lesbian so she'd know for sure - maybe the I'm a lesbian wall hanging would've been a good idea after all? Her friends have been helping her drop hints, she showed me the group chat and guys their suggestions ranged from flirting more to just turning up in a trenchcoat and nothing else lol. Also, the winking neighbour has been making comments to her as well, so shout out to her for trying to make this happen too.

So no cake and cry watching brokeback mountain, just 5 months of dating to catch up on. As for worrying about how our current schedule could be more date like during lockdown, you were right it's kinda irrelevant when you've essentially been dating the whole time. Though we never made it to our morning run yesterday, in fact we didn't leave the house at all, ha.

Thank you guys for giving me hope, even if all your suggestions completely disappeared in the moment. Maybe I'll show her the post later and ask if any of the suggestions would have worked.

tl;dr: she's gay, into me and I'm an idiot”

End image ID]

#this is for sure already on tumble #but it's so cute #I had to #mine #r/relationships #tw// ed #edit: I'll add a transcript in a minute just gotta figure out how to make it accessible

55 notes · View notes

hoforwonho · 3 years ago

Note

14, 17, 28, 31, 43, 44, 48, 55, 56, 68, 88, 104, 113, 114, 116, 118

i was extremely tempted to put the glee one on here too but i'll spare you because no one wants to remember glee even if they didn't watch it

I am answering the Glee one because oh my god someone reminded me of that show and I-

14. If you could live anywhere, where would you live?

Vancouver, BC, Canada. I went there for a friend's wedding at the end of 2019 and I fell in love.

17. Whats your favourite piece of clothing you own?

I have a bear onesie that I am absolutely in love with. It's too warm to wear now, but I practically live in it during the winter.

28. Do you like chewing gum?

Yeah! I used to always have gum on hand, but not so much anymore.

31. Whats your favourite type of cake?

This is so hard. Red velvet? Maybe?

43. What do you think is your best talent?

Oh god I have no clue? I can't even think of a talent??

44. Can you drive?

Yes and no. I learned to drive yeeeears ago, but then I moved to Arizona and got so much driving anxiety that I never got my license. I'm working on that now.

48. What is your weirdest childhood crush?

Oh no... Probably Robin from that terrible Batman & Robin movie?

55. Are you scared of space?

Not really? I feel like I probably should be, though.

56. Can you knit?

NO and I'm so mad about it! I tried learning to knit years ago and it was a struggle. I really want to go back to it sometime soon and try again.

68. Name a film you watch for the soundtrack?

The Strangers 2: Prey at Night has such a good soundtrack. It's an okay movie, but that soundtrack tho.

88. Answered, TL;DR: Nope!

104. What’s your opinion on fish

As pets? I'd never want one, but they can be cool. As food? No thank you. If it's from the sea, it's not for me.

113. What’s your favourite type of jewellery?

Necklaces. I like all of the variety & I especially like being able to choose whether or not someone sees it.

114. Savoury or sweet? Sweet! Which is mostly because the coffee I drink ends up being super sweet, and I live for that.

116. What do you call carbonated beverages?

Soda! It takes me out every time I hear someone say pop.

118. What is something dumb you believed as a child?

I thought spiders lived in beards, and so I was absolutely terrified every time I saw someone with a beard. Not a single clue where I got that from.

122. Did you watch Glee?

VERY briefly when I was like 14? Didn't really hate it, but not really a fan, and then I got to the Rocky Horror Episode. Hated that, never looked back. BUT I very recently watched a video from Glee where they BUTCHERED Let's Have A Kiki by Scissor Sisters.

I consider that a hate crime. Having to hear Lea Michele say hunty? I'm suing for damages.

#thanks for all the questions!!#ask game #sanstropfremir

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sparkles-and-trash · 4 years ago

Text

Craig and Those Guys, Headcanons Masterpost ~

Craig Tucker

Looks:

tall and gangly

has really pretty, thick black hair, but is always wearing his chullo so he always has hat hair lol

light blue/grey-ish eyes

long face, defined jaw

really smooth skin, which is odd since he has no routine what so ever

casual style, lot’s of hoodies and those Adidas pants with the white stripe at the side?

Personality:

he has a resting bitch face, but like, as a personality?

like, when he’s not thinking about anything special or talking about something he cares about, he’ll just sorta tune out and look pissed and/or bored

but he isn’t grumpy or careless

just a little aloof lol

cares a lot about his boyfriend, friends, family and pet(s)

doesn’t always feel confident when showing it tho

dorky, he loves space and his niche shows and likes tidying haha

has the dorkiest laugh and is super embarrassed about it hehe

Friendships:

isn’t that good with people tbh

but he really values his friends, and enjoys spending time with them

will fight for his friends, hands down

is weary around new people, like the the two boy gangs started to hang out a little more, he was the one who took the longest to open up and be chill with it

likes seeing his friends having fun and being passionate, so he always tries to keep up with their interests etc

which sometimes surprises people

but like I said, he is really a nice guy, he just has a rising bitch personality

Family:

has a healthy and good family dynamic

is kinda awkward with showing them affection tho

his dad and him have a “slap each other on the back and huff” type of relationship

but deep down they both know there’s a lot of love and acceptance there<3

Laura is a cool mom, fight me

not like, too cool, she has rules and is an authoritarian person

but she is also funny and sees through her kids’ bullshit

Tricia is really similar to Craig in a lot of ways

they stay out of each other’s way mostly, but sometimes hang out casually

doesn’t really fight that much?

Ships and relationships:

y’all know it, it’s always creek time around here

I usually see Craig as demiromatic gay

he and Tweek totally have that best friends and lovers type of relationship

like, not too lovey dovey, but sure as hell passionate at times

Craig genuinely have so much fun with his bf man, he just wants to hang out with him all the time

isn’t too creative when it comes to dates and stuff, but he really tries

often gets help from Token and the others when it comes to it

actually doesn’t mind PDA, at least chill PDA like handholding and kisses etc

Token Black

Looks:

pretty tall and broad, but not like, super fit, he’s just naturally like that

around the start of high school he started growing his hair out a little, he keeps it in a short and manageable length

he has very remarkable eyes, dark brown at the edges and they get almost golden by his pupils

handsome, simply put haha

I would describe his style as preppy/casual?

like, he dresses nicely, and likes looking sharp, but he isn’t a snob about it!

I feel like he would look amazing in purple and wear it often!

Personality:

always writing in a little notebook

loud, contagious laughter

big conscience, always tries to do the right thing

while his friends and classmates loves the perks of his wealth, Token himself feels bad about it a lot

he has a tendency to get a little down about the state of world and it’s unfairness

he works with a lot of charities and is a volunteer and both the pet shelter, the homeless shelter and the children ward of the hospital, and he really, genuinely loves doing it

Friendships:

very protective of his friends

because he volunteers a lot, he started running into Stan and Kenny at both the pet shelter and homeless shelter a lot, as Stan is a huge animal rights lover and Kenny genuinely likes helping both people and animals

the three of them start becoming better friends because of this, eventually brining the two groups closer together

he is one of the few people Craig will actually go to for relationship advice etc

which is kinda funny because Token is a casual dater all through High School

nothing wrong with that! and like, he still has great advice and is very good with people in general

very good at making people feel included

the mom friend 100%

comforts Clyde, keeps Jimmy’s antics under control, keeps Tweek from killing Cartman and helps Craig actually communicate dhslkfhb

Family:

has a good relationships with his parents!

but feels like he has to live up to a certain level of expectations at times

his dad is a bit old-fashioned in some senses, but he means well

and both his mom and dad loves him a lot and is super proud of what a wonderful person he is (so am I ilu Token you’re doing amazing sweetie)

Ships and relationships:

first of all, I think Token is bi!

I like Tyde, but my OTP for him is Tokenny!

I just really like the dynamic potential and think they would make each other the best versions of themselves?

Token is great at being suave and charming in general and on first dates that’s casual, but if he already has a crush and/or feelings he is a mess

but like, a cute mess

anyways, here’s a tiny Tokenny fluff one-shot I wrote a while back lol

Tweek Tweak

Looks:

big, soft & fluffy hair

big, nervous looking eyes

either electric green or lively brown

soft sweaters and big flannels

sweater sleeves always covering his hands

pale, perfect skin

soft freckles on his nose, shoulders and hands

crooked smile

slight gap between his front teeth

a little shorter Craig, slightly more defined much wise naturally

Personality:

very confused

doesn’t know what day is it

has gotten a lot better at dealing with his anxiety, but still twitches a bit because of the meth coffee his parents had him drink as a kid

juMpY

very funny when he chills enough to be funny haha

has a kind heart, esp when it comes to people and animals in difficult situations

he has so much compassion in his heart, man

but also has a short fuse

is pretty scary when he gets pissed

will get into a physical fight

esp if anyone insults his friends

which is why Cartman is terrified of him

Friendships:

his friends makes him feel very lucky and grateful and he tries to make up for it a lot

often bakes as a stress relief, which makes Clyde love him even more lol

is pretty good friends with Kenny

he likes to just hang around people sometimes, doing nothing together, and Kenny enjoys that too, so they often do that

Tweek loves these dudes a lot, but there’s always so much going on yanno

good friends with Wendy!

they share a lot of the same values

he has a secret talent when it coms to drawing, only Clyde knows (by accident)

always tries to include those who is a bit on the outside

Family:

complicated

his parents have always taken a lot of advantage of him, let’s be real

I often headcanon them selling out to Harbucks at some point, but they keep running the store

but they have to hire more people and is under more surveillance now, so that saves Tweek a little

he still works there tho

so does Kenny

honestly, Tweek avoids his parents as much as he can, there is a lot of resentment there

he loves Craig’s family tho, and they love him back <3

Ships and relationships:

yeah, Creek it is

I also like Twenny tho, but creek is my OTP!

I usually write Tweek as gay, but I’m open to other interpretations

but he likes boys in any scenario to me

often has his hands in Craig’s jacket pockets, or hands onto his arm, just likes being physically near him

Craig likes it too, so

Tweek still struggles with sleeping, but always sleeps amazingly with Craig around :softeyes:

blushes so hard when Craig manages to catch him off guard with compliments and soft stuff

is pretty good at being romantic, and does really sweet stuff for birthdays and anniversaries and stuff!

Jimmy Valmer

Looks:

thick mop of brown hair that’s purposely messy

would never admit it but he spends time every morning making it that way

light brown eyes that turns golden in the sun

had braces for years, so now his teeth are very straight and white and perfect

a few cute freckles on his face

actually pretty tall, but because of his crutches he slouches a bit so it doesn’t always show

Personality:

has the best one-liners

living legend for having the record for both the best grades and highest number of detentions at once

can’t shut up in class

sarcastic lil’ shit

sometimes speaks before he thinks but never means harm

good at seeing when he’s out of line and has no problem apologizing!

on the fist day on freshman year the current quarterback (a huge senior) was being horrible to Butters so Jimmy simply smashed the guys toes with his crutch

Friendships:

often takes on a comic relief role in groups

him and Clyde have big “brooo” energy

he is the best wingman

very supportive of his friends, no matter their interest, he always tries to lear about it so he can be there for them and cheer them on!

Jimmy and Stan bond over their interest in writing in an English class Freshman year

whenever Stan has a bad day or week, Jimmy or Kyle is always the first two people to notice and do something because of that

Family:

has a pretty superficial relationship with his parents

nothing really bad in that sense, but it ain’t that deep

doesn’t share too much of his private life with them, but if they ask he won’t lie either

because of his good grades and general intelligence they tend to be gullible with him, so he gets away with a lot of shit

Ships and relationships:

I usually think of him as pan!

I see him dating around quite a bit in high school and college!

hooks up quite a bit, but isn’t a fuckboy, he’s very upfront about what he wants and what he doesn’t

never wants anyone to get hurt

but doesn’t have the best attention span when it comes to dating lol

falls hard when he does tho!!

Clyde Donovan

Looks:

looks like a chocolate Labrador that got turned into a human shdghsdg

soft, dark brown hair

big, puppy like brown eyes

medium tall?

kinda soft, like, has soft features, chubby cheeks etc but isn’t fat

isn’t ripped either, normal to slightly pudgy I would say!

wears a lot of old, comfy jeans and hoodies, often red ones

likes silly graphic t-shirts!

Personality:

the guys who cries at parties

a real good guy, there’s no denying that

he and Token both cried while watching The Kissing Booth on Netflix, promising each other to always support who the other dates. They swore to never talk about it again

loves his friends SO MUCH

generally loves being around people, he is very extroverted!

notices stuff others may overlook

both with people and scenery and stuff idk

compassionate to a fault

Friendships:

when Tweek and Craig started dating, Tweek was a bit nervous about being with the group and feeling like he took up too much space?

and Clyde noticed right away and made sure to really get to know him well and they became great friends, to Craig’s somewhat surprise

Clyde can be a little intense and Craig figured Tweek might find him too much, but it ended up being the opposite, they really enjoy each other’s friendship and their differences works well together

thinks of all of these dudes as his best friends!

his first real crush was Bebe who turned out to be gay

they’re real good friends now but deep down he’s still a little heartbroken

but he values their friendship so much so he’s working through it!

Family:

ohhh :(((

sad hours offh

is still very emotionally raw from his mothers’ death

blames himself very much

his dad is really trying to bond with him tho

and be a good dad

like I said on the main 5 post I like the AU/headcanon that Clyde’s dad and Cartman’s mom gets married

in that scenario I think Clyde would be very resentful at first, feeling like his mom got replaced

but Liane is kind and warm to him and he warms up to her eventually

calls Cartman his brother

actually really comes to care for him tho (it’s mutual but Cartman will never admit it)

Ships and relationships:

bi disaster

bad luck with love

he falls fast and hard

gets sooo happy when things work out!

but sooo heartbroken when they end

he has no problem getting the dates!

but he gets nervous and a little too intense too fast

loses his confidence fast, but his friends are always there to pick him up <3

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ambitionsource · 4 years ago

Note

can we just talk about nigel... walk us through him please

i’m 2 months late to answering this, but yes. yes we can! i’ll try to give the same general portrait of him as i did in the past with like nate and stuff, hopefully it will be somewhat coherent bc i love him and he deserves to be appreciated and understood just as much as our other fave a class kiddos

so as we all know damn well at this point, nigel is an aspiring actor. he’s one of the few students in the a class who has a very core passion that he doesn’t waver from (like in the way maya, farkle, yindra, riley, etc. kind of just do lots of everything -- and eat up the opportunities in their wake LOL -- nigel is like zay in that they both have very clear areas of expertise that they dedicate most of their energy and passion to). and though he’s not as intense or vocal about it, acting is extremely important to nigel. actually, the whole process and experience of being an actor is, from the character work to the play reading and annotating to those moments of actual delivery. he’s an actor in his bones, equally as dedicated as maya or zay just significantly more outwardly laid back about it.

that being said, i feel like all you have to do to really get a sense of how deeply he cares about it is to... ask him about it. like if you get him talking about shakespeare, any of his plays, the kid who always seems so quiet and laid back will be talking a mile a minute and unpacking the nuances and brilliance of shakespeare’s works faster than you can keep up. he’s also like this -- tho not to the same degree as acting -- about classical music / jazz / a capella choirs / orchestra (since he plays the violin), local cafes + coffee, nostalgic story-driven cartoons like digimon that he watched on pbs when he was younger, and editorial cartoons. like he’s the friend that sends yindra and zay his favorite political cartoon from the new york times every sunday to their group chat (and after some time, jade gets these excerpts too). he’s also decently savvy about fashion, at least the lowkey hipster art deco pretentious chic type of fashion. i think he’s similar to asher, riley, and charlie in that he comes off a certain way and everyone assumes they know what he’s like bc he’s great a maintaining this calm persona, but those who really know him know that it’s all a charade and he’s extremely nerdy, excitable, enthusiastic, and impassioned, etc. if he’s comfortable with you, then you get the full nigel chey experience with all those quirks and eccentricities.

part of the reason nigel has the calm, unbothered persona, though, is mainly because of his family. he has a good relationship with his parents and his siblings, but he comes from a family where there’s a lot to juggle and so many things going at once that it behooves him and makes him feel better to be out of the way and not adding to anyone’s plate. as we mentioned on the income scale, nigel is one of the scholarship students at aaa, so much of his parents’ time is dedicated to making ends meet and looking out for all of the chey children. nigel has a few siblings, but the age gap for the most part isn’t that wide. he has an older sister who is one year ahead of him in school (but is not an artist, she’s studying to be a school counselor), a younger sister who is a freshman, a younger brother who is in middle school, and then the baby brother of the family who was unplanned and thus is quite a few years younger than the rest of them. so they’re a crowded, hectic little clan, and nigel feels like the best thing he can do is just stay out of the way as much as possible and be useful when he can. so he’s become very good at internalizing unpleasant emotions, letting things go, and not getting riled up (esp by provocation of younger siblings). in some ways, this has also made him a bit of a doormat, as we see in some scenes with yindra and zay where their personalities are just so much louder than his so he tends to default to them or try to keep the peace.

nigel also puts a lot of pressure on himself because of the money situation in their family as well as the unspoken expectations of his parents. both of them are supportive of him pursuing acting, and they always do their best to make it to at least one of his performances, but they’ve taken pains to make it understood that nigel is going to have to work his ass off simply because they don’t have the means or industry savvy to help give him a leg up (like half of his classmates do). like, they wholeheartedly supported his application to aaa -- especially his dad, who is a bit of a lit nerd himself and loves shakespeare / passed that on to him -- but they made it clear that if he couldn’t get a scholarship, it just wouldn’t be feasible. thankfully, that worked out for the best, but i think nigel lives very aware of that threat nipping at his heels at all times and that’s part of why he throws himself so deeply into the work and was basically oblivious to any other form of Teenagerdom (i.e., jade’s crush or his potential feelings for anyone) for most of his time at aaa.

there’s also a bit of an internal pressure in wanting desperately to make his family proud and feel secure about his future in such an unstable career. like his mom is an analytical mind, she was studying to be an engineer when she was in college but then she dropped out to help take care of nigel’s maternal grandparents and so she never got to realize that for herself and i think she has a lot of anxiety about nigel ending up in a similar situation where he isn’t as secure or happy as she wants him to be. but she doesn’t really like... understand in her head that thats where her hesitation is coming from + the fact that she just isnt an artist and doesnt really get why doing such a risky career would be worthwhile. she supports him, but doesn’t logically Get it. so i think nigel wants to be able to Prove to her he’s got it under control, that he’ll be okay, so that then they can just enjoy his passion as much as he does without worrying about him at the same time. he’s also the first son of the family, and so he has a sort of subconscious pressure as well from masculinity in terms of like coming out successful and able to help support his family, both his and the one he builds in the future with a partner. so big melting pot of anxieties and pressures going on in that beautiful nerdy head of his, but he doesn’t talk about it really even with people he trusts (like yindra and zay) nor do i think he truly understands himself that he’s carrying all that around. it will probably hit him eventually. guess we’ll find out someday!

(fun fact: nigel’s mom also does side work as a seamstress, so that’s part of why he has such a natural appreciation for that type of work. now who else do we know who is a masterful seamstress... hm... its on the tip of my tongue...)

all of that being said, at his core nigel truly is a very laidback guy. its somewhat a persona, but it also is true to his inner self. he’s passionate, but in a tempered and healthy way. i think that sometimes, despite how creative he is in many aspects, he struggles to think outside the box and off the beaten path because of how important measured success and competence is to him. so things like maya doing whatever the fuck she wants and yindra thinking about skipping college and just jumping into the industry don’t compute for him (the same way all of it doesn’t really click for his mom), and as we know, he sometimes becomes frozen in inaction because that feels safer or more logical. and he’s just never going to be the diva that zay or maya or farkle can be, and he’s content with that. if he’s going to make it, in his head, he’s going to achieve it through hard work, dedication, attention to craft, and being a decent person who people enjoy working with. and he also definitely understands the importance of knowing who to trust and having that tight inner circle, i.e., what he has with the true star squad of yindra and zay.

-- Maggie

#nigel chey #aaa supplementaries #a class #answered #i love him.....#nigelchey #ask and you shall receive

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julemmaes · 5 years ago

Text

Little black dress // part four

Anna Lightwood and Ariadne Bridgestock modern au

Mh, sorry? I’ve had a not-so-nice time during these two last months and I had no time or energy to write anything. I’m really sorry this took so long and I hope you’re still involved in the story, tho I hardly doubt it. Anyway, here’s Arianna part, fucking finally and I really like it. Not loove it, like I do for anything Thomastair, but still.

Just don’t hate me and try to enjoy it:)

For the other parts

Word count: 3,929

Anna had made a mistake.

She had made a mistake and now she was freaking out, because Ariadne was smiling at her like she always did, but that emotion that normally shone in her golden eyes seemed to have died out.

It was the first night they were able to spend away from home without worrying about the next day's schedule and they had enjoyed every minute as if they thought their next date would be years from now.

They had immediately refused the group's invitation to go out with them that night and now Anna was regretting not going to her cousin's house. Despite having spent one of the best nights of their lives, Anna regretted not accepting because the little velvet box in her jacket pocket weighed like a boulder. So when the opportunity to slip someone in to third wheel came up, she didn't think twice and asked Matthew and Lucie if they could join.

Ariadne had asked her a couple of times to go home, but she couldn't. As long as they stayed out, she could still muster some courage and ask her, but as soon as she set foot in the house, she would give up and go straight to bed, regretting for sure the bad choice the next morning. So, no, they couldn't go home, but she could have stretched the night as long as she wanted.

She smiled at Ariadne, putting the phone in her pocket, "They're coming right away anyway."

His girlfriend squeezed in her shoulders, "Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy that Matthew and Lucie are coming, but I thought we'd be alone tonight. I'm a little tired, actually."

Anna felt guilty and her heart clenched in her chest. She stretched her hand out on the table, taking Ariadne’s, "I’m sorry, I didn't think it would bother you, if you want we can tell him we left because we had other plans." she suggested, wiggling her eyebrows, suggesting which plans she alluded to, even though her stomach was twisting.

They weren't going home anyway. She was being a bitch, she knew it, but she couldn't give up so quickly. "Math would understand. And I'm sure Luce wants to be alone with him, too, now that they've finally been able to declare their eternal love." she concluded with a smirk, wiping her hands on the jeans.

Ariadne's gaze moved to the door of that particularly crowded restaurant to be four o'clock in the morning and gave a smile that looked more like a grimace, "Too late." Anna didn't have time to turn around that two arms were choking her.

"We haven't seen each other in ages." Lucie screamed in her ear. Beyond her cousin's shoulder she saw Matthew chuckling as he greeted Ariadne with a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Work is destroying us," replied Anna, placing her arm around the shoulders of the girl who had just arrived and sat next to her.

Ariadne sighed loudly and nodded, putting her face in her hands, "And my new boss is such an asshole. The other day he ordered me to go buy him a coffee." She looked at Matthew with her eyes wide open, "Like I'm some kind of intern," she said disgusted. Then her eyebrows snapped so high they disappeared under her hair. "But you two got together! Finally!" she raised her arms, hugging Matthew, who laughed embarrassedly.

"Actually we just kissed, we didn't, um," the guy put his hand over his face, "We haven't talked about it yet, but-" he stopped again, eyeing Lucie.

"What he's trying to say is, yes, we're getting there." she smiled at him, her eyes glowing, "But you should take me out to dinner first."

Matthew backed out, pointing at the club with one hand, "What does this look like to you?"

"I brought you here." she scoffed.

The squabble went on for a while, but Anna and Ariadne weren't really participating.

Anna cursed herself for the millionth time. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She'd planned everything perfectly and always managed to screw it all up. She couldn't understand where all that magnificent self-esteem that had allowed her to achieve every goal in life and that distinguished her from all her relatives had gone.

She looked at her watch, it was almost four. The Sky Garden had already been closed for hours and she knew it.

That place was one of Ariadne's favourites all over London. It was one of the city's skyscrapers and its special feature was the small garden that stood on the 35th floor. It was quite a touristy place, but there were never too many people there and very often, when Ariadne was still in university, they would go there to spend their days and go over the subjects before big exams.

She would offer her one of those drinks she loved so much with orange juice and a slice of pineapple and then take her out on the terrace, she hadn't yet decided whether she would kneel down or not, but she would say something to her and then take out the ring. It seemed so simple when she thought it. Simple but great.

And yet now she felt as if her legs were made of jelly, and with every movement she felt as if she were giving away years of life, she was struggling so hard.

They had ordered in between chats and the food had arrived in less than ten minutes. Matthew seemed to be on the verge of tears when the waiter arrived and put his three servings of noodles in front of him. One with beef, one with chicken and one vegetarian. Lucie and Ariadne looked at him in shock. They had decided to have only drinks and now they were sipping their hot teas.

"Are you sure you'll be able to work tomorrow?" Lucie asked, rising an eyebrow when he alternated a bite of chicken’s noodles and beef’s. "You know I wouldn't want to have to drag you to the emergency because instead of blood you'll have noodles in your veins."

Ariadne laughed and Anna stiffened. She was trying not to look at her, but when she laughed she was so beautiful. She's always beautiful, she thought, cursing herself. She looked up and when her amber eyes looked at her, Anna sprang to her feet. Lucie's expression became even more confused.

Ariadne settled down on the chair, as if she was uncomfortable. "Are you okay, An?"

The girl nodded. God, what was happening to her. She wasn't like that. She wasn't clumsy.

"Anna?" Matthew had stopped eating and looked at her worried.

Her eyes clicked on his friend, "Would you like to come out for some air?" she asked quickly, avoiding the gaze of the other two girls. "Smoking." she said, having to say something else. She didn't wait for an answer and rushed out of the restaurant.

As soon as he was on the sidewalk, somewhat away from the ‘dear lord, ramen’, she leaned back against the wall and then laid her hands on her knees, bending forward. She was gasping for air and wished she was at home at that moment, in her bed with her girlfriend, not her possible future wife.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and then Matthew bent over like her, to have his face at her own height. His eyes wide open with worry, "What happened?" she stared back and kept gasping. She took a deep breath, holding it. This should have slowed her heart, which seemed to be about to explode.

She was able to move enough to reach into her pocket with one hand, and then both of them held their breath.

"Oh shit." That's all the boy said.

They were silent for a few seconds. "Yeah."

"Were you going to ask her now?" Matthew asked, trying to figure out what the problem was. She looked up at his friend and saw the myriad questions hovering in his head.

They all knew the two girls were going to get married sooner or later, but no one knew that Anna was planning to propose that night. She'd done well to keep it to herself. They thought they'd wait a little longer.

It wasn't that she didn't want to share it with others for fear that they would tell her to wait or that they wouldn't agree. It had been years since they had all come to terms with the fact that Ariadne would be in their group forever. At first they had been a little hesitant, given their history and how Ariadne had broken her heart when they were still teenagers, but now she was simply part of the family.

"Not now now." she groaned. "Actually, I screwed up," she said, pulling herself up and looking towards the restaurant, making sure no one came out.

"Do you want to tell me or, I don't know, would you rather go back inside and get Ari and leave?"

Anna snorted, shaking her head, "No, I've ruined everything by now. I'll do it another night."

Matthew chuckled, "Leave it to you, the most confident person I know, to become this-" teased her with one finger, "-clumsy, for the most important question of your life."

Anna whispered to him to fuck off, but he was right.

"I don't know what got to me, I had a spectacular night planned and then we went to a club to dance and I lost track of the time and I thought it's okay." Anna started babbling, "We're fine and she just started working in that horrible office and I think she's under enough stress. Planning a wedding would also take away what little free time she has now," she continued, gesturing with her hands, "Sure, I'd help her with everything, but it would still be something else to take care of."

He looked up at Matthew, who seemed thoughtful. "Why don't we go back inside, tell Ari you're not feeling well and then maybe introduce the subject when you're home?"

"So she can't kick me out, you say?" joked Anna, trying to lighten the air.

"No, that way you'll be calmer and if you're going to throw up from anxiety, at least you can do it in your bathroom." Matthew continued, laughing.

Anna sighed, nodded, and after a brief pause in which she was thinking of all the worst possible scenarios, they went back in.

Lucie was leaning forward on the table, her mouth wide open, and she was shaking Ariadne's hands, smiling at her with her lips so tight that if she smiled more they would tear. As soon as the grils saw them approaching, they pulled away and Lucie sat up straight again, looked Matthew in the eyes and with her eyebrows raised and a very condescending tone, "You and I have to go leave now.”

"But- Lucie?" It was rare enough that Matthew referred to the girl using her full name in that serious tone. He looked suspiciously at the table before bending over to his new girlfriend. "Where are my noodles?" Lucie shrugged and laughed.

Ariadne, in front of them, was staring at Anna, "Are you okay?" she asked her hesitantly.

Anna decided that nothing would happen that night, that she had made her suffer enough, but she would not lie to her. "No. Can we go home?" she asked her, with hopeful eyes, "Please."

Lucie, who had suddenly stopped bickering with Matthew, raised her voice so loudly that they got a couple of nasty looks from other people at the tables. Now that he noticed, there were a lot of people for it being four o'clock in the morning. "Yes! Yes!" Then, in a lower tone, "Yes, you absolutely must go home."

Ariadne gave her a murderous look and Anna turned to Matthew, trying to figure out if he knew anything, but he seemed too lost in his noodles thoughts to worry about anything else.

"And stop making that long face, I asked the waitress to put them in a takeaway container." Lucie jokingly pushed him. Matthew lit up and bent over her to kiss her.

Anna stood, watching the new couple with a sad smile. She was really happy for Matthew. They had talked so many times about how sick it made him feel to see how every single person in his life found love under the rocks, how he had tried so many times to meet new people and like them to get Lucie out of his head.

She felt a hand resting on her arm and turned towards her girlfriend again. Ariadne's bright eyes stared at her worried, "What happened?"

Anna took a deep breath and then shook her head and looked away, "Can we talk about this when we get home?" the other nodded slightly before saying goodbye to Matthew and Lucie with a flying kiss. Anna looked at Matthew and he gave her a bright smile and the thumbs up.

Yes, she could do it.

The journey to their apartment was mostly silent. Every once in a while Ariadne would comment on something that had happened at work and Anna would laugh or give her honest opinion about it, but it seemed as if they were both not really there.

Now that Anna was paying more attention, Ariadne was torturing her fingers and had been checking her phone so many times in the last five minutes that it was starting to make Anna suspicious. That she figured it out? That she came out while showing Math the ring and saw the whole thing?

No, that wasn't possible. She would've already broached the subject.

Looking sideways at her girlfriend confirmed that yes, Ariadne was definitely upset about something. And the look she gave her mere seconds later also confirmed that it was about the two of them. Anna narrowed her eyes when she saw that they had finally entered Percy Street and were only a few yards away from their apartment.

She could have made it.

Ariadne froze at the bottom of the porch stairs. Anna let go of her hand and climbed the few steps that separated her from what she considered to be their safe place, but when she saw that the other one was left on the sidewalk she frowned. With her hand still in mid-air she gave a cough, trying to attract Ariadne's attention, but she seemed to be in a trance as she murmured something.

"Ari? Are you okay?"

No answer.

She raised the voice a little, hoping their neighbors wouldn't wake up, "Ari."

The girl finally looked up at Anna and had lost color on her face, as if she was feeling sick. Indeed, Ariadne felt as if the world was swallowing her up little by little. She had received a message from Cecily around midnight assuring her that everything had been put in place and that Garbiel couldn't wait to see how it would go. Despite the support she had received from both Anna's parents, she couldn't hold back the whimper that escaped from her lips and ran up the stairs positioning between the door and Anna, blocking her entrance.

"What's going on?" Anna asked anxiously, placing a hand on her face and stroking her cheekbone, trying to calm her down.

Ariadne had started fidgeting with her foot since she was so stressed, "There's something in the house." The surprise on Anna's face was obvious and Ariadne bit her lip trying to figure out if that slightest reaction was good or bad. Even the soothing movement on her cheek stopped. "It's a big thing. It's something I've been wanting to do for a long time and Cecily..." she paused, looking for signs that Anna didn't want anything from her at that moment, but the blue-eyed girl's hand hadn't left her face yet. She could see the confusion in Anna’s eyes as she tried to understand what her mother had to do with it at that moment. Ariadne leaned slightly against that contact, seeking comfort in the warmth of her beloved.

After all, she had behaved very strangely that night, and now she was beginning to think that maybe Anna wanted to break up with her. She closed her eyes and took courage. "I wanted to arrange something nice for you, to ask you something very important, but I don't think you're fine tonight and I see you're upset. I don't want to know what it is, if it was vitally important you would have told me already and I don't want to force you to share anything you don't want, but I'm here."

Ariadne placed both hands on Anna's arms, bringing her body closer to that of the other in a swift movement. She moved her hands over her chest, feeling how Anna's heart was beating fast in her ribcage.

Anna smiled at her and her eyes softened so easily that Ariadne almost burst out crying.

Whatever Ariadne was talking about, Anna was happy.

All the anxiety she had accumulated during the night had dissipated as soon as her girlfriend opened her mouth. She was no longer afraid of what the other's response or reaction would be. She was no longer afraid of what might happen, because she knew that whatever happened, they would find a way to deal with it together.

She leaned slightly over Ariadne and laid her lips on hers. Even the weight on the girl's shoulders seemed to lift suddenly and they relaxed each other's touch.

When they both were out of breath, but with their eyes still glistening with emotion, Anna managed to move Ariadne from the entrance and open the door.

A faint flickering light came from upstairs and casting a curious look over his girlfriend's shoulder, Anna walked up the stairs, holding Ariadne's hand.

As soon as she saw what Ariadne had done, Anna stopped.

The room shone with its own light and an indefinite number of what Anna recognized as white carnations and another yellow flower very similar to wisteria covered every free surface of the room. From the ceiling hung what looked like pictures of them. "Ari…"

She stepped forward and felt Ariadne hold her breath. She reached the last step and began to walk through the living room, swiping her finger over each photo. There were pictures of every date they went on. There was the selfie they had made immediately after making love for the first time. There were pictures of their first meeting and the ones they had taken secretly.

Her chest hurt from how many emotions she was feeling.

On the wall above the sofa was a large frame of the two of them on the day of her cousin Eugenia's wedding. That day Ariadne had worn a black dress so beautiful that there hadn't been a single person who hadn't complimented her. In the picture Anna was holding her tight to her chest while Ariadne was leaning back and laughing with her eyes closed. Anna's gaze transmitted so many emotions that she had a lump in her throat looking so happy. She had never realized she was looking at Ariadne with so much love.

If someone had told her it would end like this when she was still young and dumb, she would never have believed it.

She was speechless, too shocked by such a blatant action, but Ariadne must have interpreted her silence in a negative way, because she was stuck on the door and whispered, "I know, sorry is too much."

Anna snapped at her, gaping. Ariadne seemed to feel even worse, because she brought her hand to her chest and took a hesitant step towards her. "Your mother said you'd like it and I thought you'd prefer these to those stupid roses and..."

"I love it."

"What?"

"I said I love it," Anna said determinedly, so that she would hear her clearly. Dodging one photo to the right and one to the left, she reached out to the girl and encirled her hips, "And I love you, Ariadne."

She leaned forward, resting her forehead against the girl's. "I love everything about you. I love your hair and your lips, I love the color of your skin and how it makes the gold in your eyes shine." she left a chaste kiss on her lips. "I love how your body is perfectly compatible with mine," she pushed forward, getting lost in their kisses and brushing her jawline, which made Ariadne shudder, "and how it responds to the slightest of my touches."

"I love how you stand up for everything you believe in and everyone you love." Anna broke away to get a better look at her. Her eyes glowed with tears. She took another step back, Ariadne's hand hanging between them. "I can't imagine my life without you. I can't imagine a morning without having the chance to look at you as soon as you open your eyes and kiss you."

"I'm sorry I was a bitch tonight. I'm sorry if I acted weird and avoided going home so much." she put her hands in her pocket, trying to look calm while her heart exploded in her chest. She looked into her eyes, "Sorry."

"There's nothing to apologize for." Ariadne whispered to her, stepping forward to take her in her arms, but Anna stopped her with a slight grin on her face. Ariadne wrinkled an eyebrow confused with a smile on her lips.

"I was going to take you to the Sky Garden. I was going to buy you one of those cocktails you love so much," she touched the velvet box in her pocket and squeezed her fingers around the object, pulling it out. "I was going to make you laugh, I was going to fall in love again and again and again." Ariadne's gaze followed her every move, and when she got on one knee she opened her eyes wide, making a choked sound very much like an incredulous laugh. "I was going to take you out on the terrace," she opened the box and saw tears flowing undisturbed on Ariadne's cheeks, who whispered, "Anna…"

She smiled, "And I was going to ask you to marry me."

Ariadne was now laughing through her tears as she was smuggling in her white handbag. She kept her gaze fixed on Anna though, as if she wanted to take a mental picture of this moment.

"That's why I didn't want to go home." Anna excused herself, "The second I set foot in here, my chances of asking you would have ended."

Ariadne laughed one last time, before she knelt down in front of her and pulled out a little dark blue velvet box, "Anna."

She stood motionless as she lowered her hand slightly with the little red box, "Ariadne?" The girl in question opened the blue box and a simple silver ring with a tiny blue stone glowed with the lights in the room. She gave out a choked laugh as her eyes filled up in turn, "Are you kidding?" She looked at Ariadne and sprang forward with a snap. She took the girl's face in her hands and kissed her. She broke away for a second when the other one stopped the kiss, "Oh god, we're terrible."

Anna laughed, taking the ring from her little box and putting it on Ariadne's finger, while the other one did the same. They looked into each other's eyes one last time, now high on exhilaration.

"Will you marry me?"

"And will you marry me?"

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