#I am a huge proponent of anxiety meds

[reasonsforhope]

@testingcheats0n I've seen you and a few other people asking this, so I wanted to give some advice/answers on how to do this if you have anxiety. In way more detail than you possibly wanted lol

And by the way, I say this as someone who has struggled with anxiety since uh *checks notes* Real Fucking Young. I had to deal with a lot of Bullshit That Gives You Anxiety, and I had to claw my way back from absolutely debilitating social anxiety when I was younger, and I still struggle with anxiety, if thankfully to a lesser degree. So I'm saying this as someone who has absolutely been there.

Start small. Groups and shit are intimidating and hard to coordinate and stressful. Start by messaging one or two friends, maybe about separate things

After Roe, I asked a friend if she wanted to come over to paint protest signs, which I told her I planned to go hang up around the neighborhood by myself. She said yes and we had a great time

Schedule something near a holiday so there's an "excuse" (but preferably not on the holiday, or you'll get more nos)

You can deliberately level up in Stuff You Can Do With X Acquaintance with a campaign of something like: text asking about something you need/have an excuse for (like homework or work deadlines); text asking about something you need again and then start "small talk" about related subjects; repeat 2-4x; message them without a clear excuse (yes this will stress you tf out the first time) 2-3x. If they're responding decently to all that, then hit them up for lowkey plans. "Hey, you wanna grab coffee [or whatever] sometime next week?" "Hey wanna do X Activity [e.g. that's on the list above]?"

Why yes I am autistic why do you ask

Also it's fine if you hang out one-on-one and don't super hit it off by the way. I've done that with people where we both mentally went "Hmm. Unfortunate" and then went back to having fun hanging out with whatever group we knew each other from

If you have a friend without a car or with a disability that can make getting around hard: "Hey, I'm running to Trader Joe's [or whatever] tomorrow night, want a ride?"

If you have a friend who also likes crafts: "Hey JoAnn's has a big sale rn, wanna go hit up crafting stuff this weeekend?"

I love dinner parties and entertaining, actually, but it really sucks when people flake. If you're doing that, start small, with just a couple close friends, and you can ask if they want to come hang out and cook with you so the prep is less overwhelming (or do potluck style)

When you have a friend or even an acquaintance who's sick or struggling, message them offering some string-free help. Invent (or actually have) an excuse for why this would be helping you out as well, if you'd prefer: "Hey, I know you're having a really shitty week[or feeling sick or whatever]. I accidentally made wayyyy too much soup the other night because I didn't check the recipe - I can bring some over tonight or tomorrow if you'd like! No pressure tho obv if you're busy"

For event spamming, follow local groups you're interested in on Facebook, Eventbrite, etc.

I've had pretty good luck with "arts and crafts hangouts." Some of them I invited friends, but I also have literally just posted "Art in the Park" events on groups like Lex and Meetup and had a nice couple people show up and a great time (and a bunch of future interest)

See what local orgs or nonprofits are around that you can volunteer with. A lot of local ones will host fairly small events, so less intimidating, and they're a great way to meet people who also care about helping their communities. Food pantries can be a reliable option too

Prepare to meet mostly of cool old people at volunteering things, btw. Cool old people are great - they have no idea what the latest cool bands or whatever are either, and also are pretty much always happy to have a whole extra Young Person (tm) volunteering. (Young is literally anyone under 45-50 here, btw)

Do your best to detach from outcomes. Easier said than done, obviously. But if you can do a thing with one person or two people, consider that a great big victory! 15-person dinner parties are for Expert Mode. When I hosted the Art in the Park events, I very deliberately went, "Okay, if no one shows up, that sucks but it's FINE, I'll just hang out in the park and do art and eat these chips by myself and have a lovely time"

I'm generally an advocate of picking an idea where if no one shows up, you can still have a good time doing the thing yourself or getting some work done or whatever

Is doing a lot of this going to be super uncomfortable, especially the first time? Yeah. And it'll suck.

But annoyingly, in order to deal with anxiety, you have to challenge and push through the anxiety a lot of the time. So sometimes, you just gotta grit your teeth and do it. Gotta close your eyes to make yourself hit "send"? Zero shame. Etc. etc.

Pace yourself. Practice reaching out like you're building a muscle. Do nice things after to reward yourself for Doing The Thing. I promise it can help

How to start building your social village--

How do you go from isolated to being apart of a properly connected social circle?? How do I go from that isolated individual to an actually connected person without having to force myself out to be a regular at a club or something??

Pick the most used social media across all your connections (for my this is sadly Facebook but I'm sure you could do this through discord or some other site I'm like 90% sure this is transferable in some formate maybe other ppl could pitch those ideas tho-) and then add everyone you know! And here's the fun stuff you could do in your group!

Functional ideas Village Group for-

Offer to swap babysitting/chores/errands or even buddies for these things

Offer to exchange sale/coupon/bulk buying info (A good example of this is a have a friend who knows a butcher and so her family once every 2 months bulk orders from him directly and it'd WAY cheaper for everyone)

Holiday organizing

Dinner party ideas/hang outs (know 2 or more ppl who like sewing? Organize a dinner once every few months and watch a movie and sew! Do a book club!)

Trade/swap/leading stuff (ex tools, books, unused snacks, boardgames, clothes, etc..)

Offer to be apart of a shared calander (I use Cozi personally but again use your preferred)

Event spamming (community event sharing bc no one ever gets proper info on them in time)

Plant swaps (I personally know like 3 different plant ppl who specialize in different types of plants ex 1 person does a lot of herbs and another does all succulents and another does super well with berries and they always wanna get rid of the babies or spread the spoils)

Organizing work parties (repair parties ex fences/roofs/, bulk cooking parties ex my families perogie parties, tax prep parties, hair dying get togethers, etc..)

Fun ideas for village-

Make a village badge/crest of some kind (at one point was making badges for dinner parties as gifts so this is an easy one for me)

Funny pet photos/meme dump ground

This allows for a pretty fun way to also make ppl feel connected. If I get to know someone fairly well like my neighbor or another parent from my kiddos school- I'll just add them to my weird little club thing! Here's a patch for you. Your family now!!

[emotattooedcatlady]

Hello! I’ve seen a lot of blogs recently have a pinned post with info about themselves and thought I should do the same. I’ve had this blog forever and if you weed through it you can find out almost anything about me but why not have it all in one place instead.

• My name is Hope! I’m 31 and have been on this hellsite since I was 18. My pronouns are she/her.

• I have three cats that are my whole life - Zero (grey tabby, menace), Rocket (blue Russian, perfect boy, very soft) and Hot Dog (orange, knows nothing, has never seen the brain cell.

• I’m single, straight and enjoy flirting and posting thirst traps while also being afraid of dating.

• I work full time as a Crisis Case Manager at a Mental Health Crisis Unit.

• I went through a ✨spicy✨ childhood with lots of traumatic backstory and if you scroll far enough you will definitely find my thoughts of me at my worst. I’m a huge proponent of both therapy and meds. I grew up homeschooled and brainwashed in a conservative home and I’m constantly trying to grow and unlearn, if you find old posts of mine that have terrible takes - I’m sorry and I don’t believe any of that now that I’m on my own.

• I have ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, a touch of the tism and the worst bones/joints any doctor has seen. 🙃

• My entire life is me being hyper-fixated with different interests, the main ones that are constant and always at the forefront are: Lord of the Rings, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Marvel, Star Wars, Stranger Things, and Doctor Who. Harry Potter has also had a huge place in my life but due to JKR’s awfulness, it has been tainted with evil.

• I am quite possibly the sleepiest girl in the world.

• Tattoos, movies, concerts, and comic cons are my happy places.

• I’m an absolute open book! Message me anytime. ☺️

• Selfie tag is “My face” and personal thoughts/stories are tagged “The Adventures Of Hope”

[deniigi]

(Rachel) thank you for answering! no, I don't really have any specific program in mind yet, I was mostly curious about the process. my dumb high school in eastern canada has the audacity to discourage post secondary education?? my guidance counselors, who have their jobs based on one (if not two!!!) university degrees say that it's expensive and a waste of time because most grads leave the province. they just want us all to work in the lumber industry that rules the province (1/2)

RACHEL YOU STICK IT TO THE MAN SWEETHEART

Seriously, I got this same shit, time and time again from counselor after counselor and supervisor after supervisor.

So let me explain where the fuck these guys are actually coming from so you don’t have to let only spite propel you to grad school like it did me (there are slightly more healthy propellants, like passion, curiosity, genuine desire to contribute to human knowledge, etc. Altho I am 110% going to sneak ‘spite’ into my acknowledgement section in my dissertation)

Okay, so actual, real talk. Let’s talk grad school (Master’s and PhD–although hey, undergrads and finishing up hs seniors–most of this shit is applicable to y’all too)

1. These folks are saying grad school is expensive because it kind of is expensive.

To this I say: yeah, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s just gonna take a bit of work and some compromise.

So I don’t know where you’re planning on going to undergrad or what your financial aid situation is, but my whole thing is that if you can make yourself or already are eligible for a postgrad scholarship or grant, you’re already doing hella towards your being a feasible candidate for that degree. Because I had a really good GPA going into my Master’s, I was eligible for an internal grant, and then, because I worked my ass off and got a high GPA my first semester, I got a fellowship. That covered my tuition, so all I had to do was deal with my cost of living and I was comfortable with taking out a loan for my two-year program to deal with that.

I want to be clear on 2 points here: I was only able to cover my tuition with my grant and fellowship because I made the decision earlier on that I was fine, absolutely unspeakably fine doing my Master’s at a mid-tier school (a state school, as we say in California, as opposed to a private college or a UC). I personally went to a very working-class school and I was really glad I did because those first tier, Ivy Leagues, and private schools are 1. so competitive it is literally detrimental to your body and mental health. 2. FUCKING expensive–and not for any damn real reason. Listen. If you’re getting an MA or an MFA, no one gives a shit where you do your degree, it’s all about tailoring the most comfortable learning environment for yourself. I personally do not believe in that fucking elitist big-name college bullshit because there is no guarantee that a fancy, expensive-ass degree from a big-name will get you a job over someone who went to a mid-tier. It just doesn’t work like that.

Anyways, so. To make things even more affordable, I also super fucking recommend working while doing your program if possible (no more than part-time, otherwise you’re begging for burn out). Besides being able to buy burritos and not have to pinch pennies 24/7, working lets you make some friends, build professional skills, and have a break from the academic work.

2. Hella students who start grad school don’t finish it.

Or they take 2 thousand years to do it and end up crying over their nearly-finished-but-not-quite thesis at the kitchen table for approximately 2 hours every night before bed.

That kind of makes the investment of your time, money, and energy seems kind of not worth it compared to the number of doors that your postgrad degree would (or would fail to) open up to you.

So. Here’s the thing.

If you want to go to grad school, you need to tell yourself that you are in this shit to win it. You gotta give yourself some very clear guidelines and have a backup plan if shit starts going south.

All I’m saying is that you should be honest with yourself and ask yourself why you’re doing it. If it just to not pay your student loans, that’s not a good reason. If you’re doing it because you don’t want to work yet, that’s not a good reason. If you’ve never not had school and the thought of not having that to build your routine around gives you anxiety, so you think, “I’ll just do another degree, I’ll be more ready to enter the real world in 2 years” STOP. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Don’t go to fucking grad school (I swear I will get to why. Just trust me on this one for right now)

If you decide you want to go to grad school for a legitimate reason (to build skills, to be more competitive/marketable in your field, to make a contribution to human knowledge, etc.) then make a plan for yourself with a timeline and at least 2 back up life plans from the start. That way you don’t get stuck in the way too common loop of having to take year after year of extensions to finish research/writing.

And 3, and most importantly: Grad school is the WORST THING for your mental health fucking EVER.

Okay, know that I say this as a grad student two times over and that I’m not saying this to discourage you, period. I’m just saying it before some asshole throws it at your face or before you’re met with a horrible revelation.

Multiple serious studies have been done on post-graduate students and they’ve found that grad students are something like 6 times more likely to have mental health issues than the gen. population.

that sounds very scary, and I can tell you right now that it is fucking terrifying and, having survived round 1 and currently surviving in round 2 of this bullshit, it is absolutely true. I have not met a single person (and I have a huge circle of postgrad folks in my life) who has not had mental health issues appear or become triggered or worsened by their second/third degrees.

But here’s what else I will say. It takes a certain type of person to excel academically in our insane school systems and that type of person is not exactly healthy to begin with. Academics and academically minded people are kind of perfectly wired to be susceptible to mental health problems. We just want to be the best (ever. always.); we are perfectionists, we have imposter syndrome (if you’re a human–those people who don’t have this are sociopaths and you need to avoid them as much as possible).

Most of us end up with some kind of anxiety or depression, straight up. Myself included. And it can get bad. I’m not even gonna joke about that.

So again. You have to be honest with yourself and think about your boundaries, your triggers, and what services and support you have at your disposal to make this shit happen anyways.

Because we all know you’re gonna do it anyways. It’s just a matter of getting a support system in place, getting meds when you need ‘em, getting help when you need it, and knowing your limits and how to manage your self-care and burnout.

So. This has been Grad School: Full Disclosure with Matt. I hope that you/someone gets some decent, honest advice out of that.

I know it’s a little scary, but I have to emphasize that the friends I made in grad school and the kind of thinking I am now capable of doing has literally changed my life for the better and I do not regret going to grad school despite all the shit. Have not ever, will not ever. 

I am a huge proponent of post-secondary edu and all I want in the world for you folks who want to do it is to help y’all do it without too much physical, mental, and financial strain on your persons, and that shit is doable so long as you go in with as much info and as practical expectations as possible.

Because that shit was absolutely worth it (to me). At the end of that road, there is nothing as amazing as looking at your degree and your thesis and your friends and skills and being proud as fuck because you fucking did that. You did. And you’re capable of so much more than you ever thought you were.

Anyways, you go Rachel. Show ‘em what’s what if that’s what makes you happy.

[defilerwyrm]

Do you mind if I ask about whether or not you take medication for anxiety or depression? ( If you don't mind, does it help you? How can you tell? Does it change who you are in a way?) It's something I've been considering and I'm not a fan of medication but I understand sometimes it's necessary.

I don’t mind, I’m pretty open about it. I take Paliperidone for my bipolar disorder (most of the time I’m depressed but I have manic episodes too) and Vyvanse for ADHD. I don’t take anything for anxiety but I really ought to. Currently I’ve been off both meds for over two months because my pharmacy’s system thinks my insurance card is expired and I can’t afford them out of pocket, so I’m solidly confident in saying that I have noticed an IMMENSE difference from when I’m on those meds.

Antidepressants, mood stabilisers, anti-anxiety meds, and antipsychotics change your baseline to something closer to “normal.” What I’ve found is that I don’t consciously notice how much better I feel when I’m on good meds until something bad happens and I realise that I’m able to handle it pretty well.

One or both of them also greatly reduces my dissociative episodes, which is a mixed bag; as unnerving as they are, I’d missed them, because being fully seated in my meat is not often a pleasant experience—I prefer the distance of dissociation. Not really a healthful or responsible outlook but it is what it is.

I don’t think they change my personality at all, beyond taking the frantic edge off. I’m a lot less Sturm und Drang on meds. Less likely to retreat into myself as a ball of misery for no reason; less likely to have rageful outbursts when I’m upset; less likely to irresponsibly blow large amounts of money I can’t afford to spend on things I don’t need. (Not that I especially regret my suddenly-doubled rock collection or the giant care package backpack I put together for a local homeless vet, but neither were really in my budget at the time, and that’s what a manic episode often looks like for me.) The parts of me that the drugs change are the ones that keep me from functioning like a stable, rational adult. I am far and away happier and healthier on meds than off them.

My outlook on taking meds for mental illness has always been a positive one, and I think that’s because I grew up on them, but also because I consider my mental illnesses to be little different from my neurological disorders. Really, bipolar, PTSD, anxiety, OCD, and ADHD are all just as physical as Tourette’s syndrome: they manifest as real, measurable differences in my brain from a neurotypical one. Hell, PTSD in particular isn’t even just a brain thing: because our muscles are connected to memory, any part of the body can be linked to it. They’re not just mood changes or immaterial imaginings. So of you consider your depression and anxiety to be physical ailments, it makes perfect sense to try to find a treatment that will ease them. Sure, you could just tough them out the way you can tough out a headache without taking a pain reliever, but unlike a headache, you know they aren’t just going to go away on their own, even though they might ebb and flow. These are chronic illnesses, like diabetes or arthritis. You can’t cure them, so you might as well manage them.

There are so many excellent meds out there. The great thing is that if one doesn’t work, you can talk to your doctor and have it tweaked or outright changed—you can always try something different. For example, Paxil and Prozac both worked GREAT for me...for about a year, and then they stopped working completely. Quetiapine turned me into a narcoleptic rage monster, on the verge of both a fit of rage and passing out asleep at all times. Risperidone worked pretty well, but only for about 8-9 hours at a time, so I kept crashing horribly every afternoon by the time I got home from work. That’s what led me to get put on Paliperidone extended release, which is effective for 24 hours. Just as with any medical thing, sometimes you have to try some stuff out. It’s like troubleshooting your brain, lol.

I’m also a huge proponent of therapy to bolster the meds, because the meds help but they’re not a cure. Dialectial Behaviour Therapy (DBT) is particularly good for anxiety, depression, and PTSD; the mindfulness exercises I learned in DBT have pulled me out of more panic attacks than I can count. And if DBT isn’t for you, there’s also CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), talk therapy, and others. Just like meds and doctors, you can change therapy types and therapists if what you have isn’t working out.

The only surefire way to never find out what works is to never try. So I encourage you to give it a go. Keep a day journal when you start a new medication so you can look back and see how your outlook is changing, because it can sneak up on you. Best of luck, Anon.