#i feel like im seeing them in a new light (literally but also mentally)

[a-whole-lot-of-things]

holy shit. holy fucking shit.

Work is kicking my ass so heres!!! The hyperfixation!!

[the-s1lly-corner]

If you could indulge me, can I ask for something with The Amazing Digital Circus gang, with an s/o who is seen as an anchor for the others? They are strong willed, happy go lucky, supportive, a mediator and ect. Well, could they stumble upon their s/o just having an episode, just crying in frustration and like punching a wall to calm down and go back to acting like nothing happened?

I have a thing with strong willed characters hiding their weakness for the benefit of others.

TADC cast x emotional anchor!reader !

oh ho ho you silly lil fella, you have literally just described my TADC oc down to a T, i am going to have so much fun writing this because im literally just. going to use my oc as a place holder for the reader, just without describing any lore bits unique to them and their design ngl i think i went insane with this one, tally hall music is doing something to me

CAINE:

if you thought you were good at hiding your human despair just know that caine already knows. the only reason i feel he wouldnt initially come to you in your lesser moments of weakness is that he can acknowledge that youre trying to hide this part of you. does he go comfort you, and risk making you try harder to surpress your feelings; risking you to just blow up one day and have your mental state just totally collapse in one go? would you feel put off at the knowledge that in this world you never really have full privacy? that definitely wouldnt make you feel any better. but when it gets to the point where you're screaming and crying in your room and punching the walls he would step in. drags you away from the walls, and if he has to this man will restrain you if it means making sure you stop swinging. hes seen the downfall of many people within the circus, but seeing it from someone he so deeply cares for hits a different way. he may be an AI, but he can still simulate feeling. its a harrowing sensation as he lets you cling onto him. i think he makes an effort to make in house adventures less overwhelming and intense, too scared to push you over the edge but also too scared to leave you with nothing to do to distract you. i think he would stay with you for the night, too

POMNI:

as selfish as it sounds, pomni cant help but feel.. something in her chest. seeing you, the groups beacon of light falter fills her with some kind of fear and despair that she cant put into words. it reminds her that no one is above helplessness, and that at the end of the day youre just as capable of abstracting as everyone else. i think, when she finally sees your fake demeanor finally slip when you thought you were totally alone, she feels bad. i mean shes your partner, and she didnt pick up on any hints that may have indicated your true state of health. i dont think she would try to force you to speak, as much as i want to say that she would try to push for you to talk about how you feel i think her attempts to reach out to you would fall on deaf ears. i think she would put her hand on your shoulder, making you jump back to the present moment. its an awkward gesture, with the jester herself being a little lost with these new feelings... i think you two would just sit in silence

JAX:

similar to pomni, he feels this intense and unexplainable pang at the sight of the most hopeful and brightest person in the circus crumble. ive already said it but ill say it again, its like being splashed with cold water, with how hard that sinking cold feeling hits him. makes half hearted attempts to cheer you up. its not that he doesnt care, its that hes stuck in the shock of seeing the happiest person he knows flip into... this.. for a split second he thought you were abstracting, that pit his stomach becoming colder for a second before he realizes whats going on. ive said this before as well, but jax is not the best comforter, in fact i think he might be one of the worst out of the main cast. but i think so far for the characters ive written for this post, he makes an effort to try to pull you up out of your hole. at least he lets you cry your feelings out, and he wont make you feel bad for doing so

RAGATHA:

stands there in shock like pomni, before immediately rushing to your side and tugging you away from a coat stand you were kicking and beating. hands on your shoulders she tries to snap you back to the present moment, trying to tell you that shes here. any feelings of the helplessness that she shares with the previous two characters is shoved down. this isnt about her, its about you. runs her fingers through your hair, if your digital body has any, and just. rocks you. when you finally calm down enough to be able to form clear words, she reassures you once more that shes here for you. the two of you stay in that position, holding onto one another for the entire night. i think it should be said, but for most of these theyre going to try to keep a closer eye on you and make it a point to ask you how youre feeling. ragatha especially.

KINGER:

it reminds him of queenie. the sight brings back so so so many terrible memories. for a second he doesnt even register that hes standing in the present, standing in your doorway. stuck and frozen for a solid minute before you finally notice him, and you hold each others gaze. finally, you crumble. what was the point of hiding your mounting anguish now that it was discovered by the one you care for most? at the sight of your crumpled form i think kinger would snap back, and rush to your side. he's pause, afraid that you would abstract like the queen, before forcing himself to push through that fear in the back of his mind. a moment where he is not fumbling with himself or shaking; be it because he wants to be there for you or perhaps he still holds some guilt aimed towards himself for not being able to save his old queen, he refuses to leave your side even if you tell him to leave. theres this caution in his actions, mixed with this sort of determination to make sure you're okay. like ragatha, he would make it a point to make sure you're okay long after this incident

ZOOBLE:

zooble would probably be the only one who doesnt make their presence known to you while you're in that state. not because they wont care about you, in fact they care about you a lot. but theyre so unsure of what to do, that they give to you what they would have wanted for themselves, if they were in your shoes. they want to grant you privacy, and to at least keep a shred of the now ruined façade you had been putting on for everyone. if it means keeping it will give you comfort, then they wont take that away from you. they wait outside your door, waiting for the height of your episode to pass before cracking the door open. they dont say anything about what they had just heard, but you seem to know that they know.. i mean they came in so soon after you had calmed yourself down enough.

"are you okay?" a dumb question, but what else was there for them to say? you so obviously werent okay, and you likely werent for a long time. they offer to leave, to give you some time to pick yourself back up, but they also make it clear that they wont go anywhere if you dont want to be alone. the night is tense and awkward, filled with conversation before they eventually broach the topic... i think you guys would develop some sort of secret code. i mean youve been hiding your true feelings for so long, and outwardly saying you need help would compromise that mask you put up for yourself. be it a certain sentence or arrangement of objects, you two come up with a indirect way of asking for security

GANGLE:

she feels so helpless, the most out of everyone. she tries to get your attention, but her words fall on deaf ears, if they even manage to pry themselves out of her mouth. far too weak to pull you away and keep you from hurting yourself, but too soft spoken to bark out a word to draw your attention to her. truly, she feels useless. she isnt able to capture your attention until you finally notice her. similar to kingers part, you fall. she takes an unsure step towards you, hands half raised in front of her as she debates if you want to be touched or not. she settles to sitting in front of you, just barely holding eye contact... she looks down when you tear your eyes away from her. finally finding her voice, i think she would ask if you want her to stay, or if you need anything. she tries to word it the best she can, but she lets you know that she doesnt think any less of you for your outburst. it happens to the best of us, really it does. if you want her too, she wraps herself around you and tries to soothe your shaking form

[gomzdrawfr]

want to join the fandom cause it seems fun seeing fanarts and you and others interacting but I don't know how...and with the whole ai thing im scared...

my advice: just do it

really! sometimes all you really need is a leap of faith, and that was exactly how I dropped into the cod fandom. When I joined the ghoap discord server I talked to one of the artist I really like and respected from my lurking time (hi @bressynonym) aaaand the rest is history

I didnt know how to draw properly, nor digitally, all I did was scribbling on OneNote (yeah!) and rambled about cod characters, it is daunting and it is scary to interact but after a while? you may just be able to find someone to brainrot together with

start small, like commenting, reblogging, talking, chatting- doesn't have to be towards artist/writers, it could be the art/fic enjoyers!

you need to put yourself out there if you want something

as to if you want to start in the fandom as a creator, here's some more tips (which are all based on my experience, I am no pro at doing this, hell Im still learning myself, and I am by no means speaking these on behalf on others!)

establish a goal: what are you making? fandom based? original creations?

as with starting new, everything may take a while for stuff to happen, you'll feel like you're speaking to the void at times (esp with original arts, but do know that your stuff do get perceive by others as time goes, I would advise to draw fandom stuff as a beginning to get that boost going if you want! or else it's going to be quite hard to get things rolling)

imo this is hardest part of any new creator, you'll have to bear with it and try not to give up (but I understand how incredibly demotivating it could get, there were times when I stopped posting about Raven entirely, but eventually I post it anyway cuz surely someone out there will like them, it just takes a lot of patiences and perseverance)

btw, engagement can also vary from time to time, you may be booming for a bit, then suddenly you dont, it is a cycle that will bound to happen

take rest regularly, and I mean a break from social media because numbers, discourse and everything can get to you, very quickly (I cannot emphasise this enough)

the numbers are not worth it over your mental health (comes with practice to really solidify this thought)

study the algorithm (pain): see what other creators are doing to get where they are, what tags are they using in their post? what features/niche do people like?(this is, if you really want to grab some form of engagement, bcuz reminder in the end you are creating art for yourself first!)

example: I think posts would get more reach if you tag it with the ship name first, followed by the characters' name (doesn't work all the time tho)

that's the thing about algorithm, it is ever-changing, and you'll have to learn to adapt with it when it does!

expanding on that, studying algorithm could be about ships (for example, ghostsoap is most popular in the fandom), or really good rendered art/flashed out fic that leaves your jaw on the floor, or ships that gets lesser attention in general which puts you, who make content about them, easier to be brought into the light (like Faralex)

bUT, it can also be personality!

(again, not saying this is meant for everyone and strictly from my own experience + what I observe) for me, I made up the lack of my art by establishing a personality: a wild panda who yaps about price and their oc and also kinda everywhere in the place (just like this post LOL), OR you're the person who named themselves after Soap's ash particle number OR you're the one who likes bottom Ghost- literally anything goes, you want to make an impression in different ways, some more funny/goofier than others but it works (be mindful and stay respectful tho, dont wanna be the asshole in the fandom now do ya?)

efforts ≠ engagement (not all the time, but most time) and this is a fact. Sometimes, you can't expect a piece you did for 10+ hours to get thousands views and likes, especially in a fandom space. You need to understand algorithm is that wonky. (very disheartening, but again, you make the art for you and the few others who genuinely likes them, and those people can go a long way) be mentally prepared for such events, and try not to beat yourself up too much for it

ultimately tho, do it, do it scared but do it anyways and again, draw the things that bring you joy, I hope these could be helpful in some ways!

[pansy-picnics]

how did unknighted dream react to varian coming out/bringing home hugo lol

LMAOOO OK so this is one of my favorite things ever solely bc theres SO MANY different ways it can go and literally all of them are fucking gold

i feel like they always knew varian was Not Straight. im a big fan of the idea that varian transitions after qfad and has a big mental breakdown haircut when his dad gets trapped and considering his feelings towards both eugene and cass i think it was always this unspoken thing all of them knew about. rapunzel and eugene however were obviously Not expecting him to bring home a whole ass boyfriend

of course varian wrote tons of letters home so they both heard everything about the new friends he was making, but varian was insistent on not telling them ANYTHING about his crush because god knows how rapunzel would react if she found out about That. she was suspicious when he came back for the light trial but decided to keep her mouth shut until they were all finished with their work there

i love rapunzel and eugene being super supportive but also a Little protective. and its not really anything to do with anything hugo’s done, they’re all about second chances after all but they’re obviously not ready to see their baby brother grow up so fast. ive seen a lot of fics where one or both of them are very defensive and suspicious towards hugo and it ends with a VERY yummy confrontation from varian where he tells them they need to learn that he’s an adult now and is able to make his own choices and they have to be okay with that. but the route of them being so excited and supportive that it ends up being overbearing is also super funny and in character

i think rapunzel at first would be super excited varian is finding love, and very welcoming towards hugo on a surface level- but as time goes on the tiniest things start to make her paranoid, and she worries a lot about varian getting hurt in some way. cue her snooping around a lot just to make sure he’s okay, varian eventually confronting her about it and her apologizing and promising to recognize varian’s maturity and be more accepting of his choices.

when rapunzel actually starts to see hugo on a deeper level she starts to recognize a lot of his similarities to varian, eugene, and especially herself, and she’s now basically like “oh ok!!! new baby brother!! :)”

she then tries to be a lot more welcoming towards hugo, trying to help him settle into the castle without being too overbearing. of course from hugo’s perspective her seemingly constant mood swings make him very hesitant to trust her, but eventually through varian the two are able to bond and find a lot of common ground

eugene on the other hand is fun bc he’s way more versatile and it can go a LOT of different ways depending on how they’re introduced or how their past together is established. i love the idea of him basically becoming Cass 2.0 and being super overprotective of varian but i also like to imagine he’s mostly just so hostile towards hugo bc he recognizes so much of his younger self and is Cringing about it (he would literally NEVER admit it though). like he’s like “i cannot STAND that kid he always acts so cocky and like he’s sooo much better than me” and cass is like “lmao yeah right? he’s exactly like you when you first came here” and eugene’s just “😐”

anyways they’re best friends (they literally cant stand each other)

no they do start to get along eventually though and i have so many thoughts about the potential friendship between the former thieves, lance hugo and eugene would be SUCH a dynamic and this fandom is sleeping on it fr

and then theres cass. GOD cass is my favorite in this situation by far bc shes way more logical and is like the only grounding force between rapunzel and eugene. new dream are the overemotional parents/older siblings in this situation and cass is like. the wine aunt.

bc see cass already ran into varian at some point during his journey and has already processed most of these changes ahead of time. she already recognized how much varian had matured and how much this trip had changed him. and most importantly she recognized what was going on between him and hugo a Long time ago and literally Did Not Care

in fact cass’s main concern is literally just that she thinks hugo is annoying. its not like she’s suspicious of him at all bc she fully trusts varians judgement and also knows varian is capable of handling himself. she’s aware that varian clearly saw something in hugo and chose him for a reason. she just doesn’t like him solely out of personal bias

cass doesn’t straight up tell raps and eugene what the problem is because she knows they need to hear it from varian more than anything but she does try to kind of push them in that direction. she reminds them like “hey maybe you should try to give the kid more credit. i think he knows what he’s doing” yk that kind of thing.

ironically enough though hugo is WAY more scared of her than he is of anyone else. shes like on the same level as quirin on his list of threats which is hilarious because they are the main 2 people who have like, basically nothing against him

hugo: so is this the part where you tell me you’ll kill me if i hurt varian

cass: ? what?? oh no that bitch is fully capable of killing you himself if he wanted to

hugo: …….yeah thats fair actually.

[antisocialsocialite]

DEATH NOTE HEADCANONS

bc i need to get this shit outta my brain

if/when these conflict with canon i simply do not care

L is Asian, Mexican, and English, to varying percentages (see above sentiment)

Light is half siblings with Sayu- Soichiro is his biodad and Sachiko is his stepmom. Soichiro and his first wife (Light's mom) separated very early in Light's life and she didn't keep in touch, so he regards his stepmom as his real/only mom

Rem uses they/them pronouns. Ryuk uses he/they.

Misa is a tech geek (this is practically canon but im explicitly saying it)

Matsuda and Naomi would've dated if they met, and he would've thought she was such a cool badass and she'd feel appreciated for her abilities/passions. Matsuda would be a housewife for her, working part time when asked to come in

L is vegetarian

L is autistic, Misa has a cluster B personality disorder, and Light has both

Watari is a lowkey sybarite

Light has a praise kink, but Not a worship kink. sure he wants to be a god and be worshipped, but that's not the kink, that's just mental illness.

During the Yotsuba arc, Ryuk and the others in the shinigami realm were constantly gambling on different events unfolding. it was riotous and everyone was bummed when Ryuk got summoned back by Misa, bc he was the ringleader for it all

Misa suffered muscle atrophy and malnutrition from her confinement period, and it had a real impact on her for a while afterward. She had an entire floor to herself in the KTF HQ because the stairs to get to other floors/amenities were hard for her. Mogi and L were the two people to primarily assist in her recovery.

Misa would be responsive to therapy, Light wouldn’t be, and L simply would not go

Matsuda is undiagnosed neurodivergent and literally everyone else in the room knows but him. he also has an anxious attachment style, originally just to Soichiro but grows to the others as well.

Misa loves music, L has not heard a new song in at least 3-5 years, and Light can recognize top hits as they're circulating but has never invested any time in really paying attention to music. this is depressing to me and Misa.

Light doesn't like abstract art. He thinks it's silly. L likes it equally to realism, although he isn't, like, deeply passionate about it. Misa draws in a cartoony style

Ryuk and Rem are related in some way. i believe this bc of their similar builds, compared to some other shinigami types/builds

Matsuda and Misa like romdramas and romcoms. They require tissues in case of tears. L and Light like thrillers/mysteries/psychologic horror. They race to be the first to figure out the resolution/mystery presented. L is winning

[ask-the-witch-of-mind]

hiiiii!! always nice to see a new classpect blog ^.^ do you also do classpect compatibility/interactions? either way, could u analyze a prince of light plz? ty!!!

0h b0y this might be a l0nger p0st then what id n0rmally d0 but i l0ve writin s0 i cant rlly c0mplain l0l 8P

about classpect compatibility (going off of in-cannon examples of opposite classes) maids and bards probably wouldnt be the best classes to mix together! jane (a maid) isn't particularly too fond of gamzee (a bard) this could be for more reasons other than class (like aspect) but another example of certain classes not mixing are witches and seers. an example of witches and seers not mixing/not being on the same page, are jade (a witch) and rose (a seer) while saying rose and jade dont like eachother would be a lie (im going to completely ignore hs^2 here because its "dubiously cannon" also because of yiffany) but saying they mix well isnt exactly true. while they are in the same friend group, they don't interact much. only a handful of times and arent on always on the same page and when they are, they dont stay on said page for long. i mainly think why witches and seers dont get along is because of what they do, witches break the rules of their aspect and manipulate it. while seers on the other hand try to understand their aspect and you cant really understand something when you're constantly changing and breaking it. (im not trying to rose and jade "hate" eachother in this part of the analysis but i do find their relationship as a whole interesting) another example is princes and sylphs. kanaya (a sylph) tries to handle eridan (a prince) but eridan (to be frank here) is quite stubborn, theres also the fact that eridan quite literally killed kanaya with his (dorky) wand and then kanaya (came back from the fucking dead) killed eridan with her chainsaw. (another thing id like to add similarly with what i said about witches and seers, sylphs heal/fixes their aspect/heals/fixes theough their aspect, while princes destroy their aspect/destroy through their aspect) theif and page also dont go together (you can probably tell what im going to use as an example) vriska (a theif) and tavros (a page) have an infamously toxic relationship, vriska tries to make tavros "stronger" by literally just abusing him (eg: breaking his legs) and vriska just actually killing him.

about your prince of light question, heres my personal thoughts:

princes tend to ignore/reject their aspect (eg: dirk, kurloz and eridan) and also destroy their aspect/destroy through their aspect, light as an aspect is fortune, attention and any type of light in general.

princes of light are a bit stubborn in the sense that they try to destroy light WITH light, they'd lurk in darkness, break lamps and destroying the meaning of something or making its meaning pointless.

they tend to over-analyse things to the point where its meaning is stripped away, kinda like stripping a tree of its bark and saying "behold, the tree itself!"

princes are naturally pessimistic, they commonly have the mentality of "why should i care about this when it doesn't apply to me?" when it comes to their aspect. but deep-down, they know WHY it applies to them. with the knowledge that princes are naturally pessimistic its safe to assume that most are derse dreamers and normally they are (with in-cannon examples) im a bit stuck on what write for potential prospit dreamers who are princes, im guessing theyd just be less pessimistic? but saying that and just calling it a day feels wrong. im gonna say theyd apply to almost all of the requirements to be a prospit dreamer other then optimistic.

[mushr00mfriend]

Hello!!!!

I just wanted to come on here and say that I love Delirium and your writing!!! It's so amazing how you managed to write such a rich and complex story without having it shoved down your throats or just underperforming. There are many things I loved about Delirium that I could go on and on about but I'm just going to settle on two things.

One is how I loved how Crow was written. Idk how to explain but I love anyone can imagine themselves in it. They are very ambiguous to the point where you can imagine what they would wear and not have to worry about if you can see yourself in them. A little rant incoming, but I've never liked how many authors always had a set image of their mc/reader in mind. This is different if regards their personality (we can't a boring mc can we?) but this is about how the author writes what the mc puts on or describes certain aspects of their body (hair or body) and this always set me off from most stories. Im sure this is such a small thing to get peeved over, but there many people that aren't included in that image of an mc an author has. When I reading Delirium, I was surprised on how Crow's appearance was never really described unless it was clarify wounds or things that happened to them. It's also amazing how Crow still has personality and yet is able to be imagined as anyone! Honestly, thank you for writing Crow/mc so ambiguously, ik this probably something stupid to thank you for but I'll thank you a thousand times for this.

Next would be how you wrote the relationships between the proxies and shades (I'm not if that's the right word) and overall the occupants of the mansion. It's very unique and interesting how you decided to write them actually caring and having fun with each other. A majority of the creepypasta fics I've read mostly involve all the proxies and others absolutely despising each other. Seeing each other as coworkers and nuisances. While I'll admit there are many fics out there that execute this perfectly, it's honestly boring and overused to see the proxies hate each other and yet live in the same house which honestly never made sense to me. Reading how the trio and others look out for each other, viewing them as friends and even family is honestly so astonishing. You managed to write the Slender Mansion trope that was loved for it comedy and crack and turned it into something that was still on crack but had the serious element that comes with serial killers working for an eldritch being so perfectly. It's also crazy how you wrote the characters as well. I mean the main trio in most fics would be written to hate each other and have that "I hate my coworkers but we have funny banter once in awhile". It's funny but I think prefer your version of the trio. In reality, they're just a bunch a mentally ill men who find solace and peace with each other. While they do banter, it's more light-hearted and teasing. How they're written with others is also amazing. The scene with Ben was pure comedy to me. Usually they argue and tell the other to fuck off but seeing how they interacted with him was so cool. I adore how you wrote the proxies and others together and I cannot wait for more.

I literally cannot for Delusion to come out. It's been on my mind for so long I'm pretty its evolved itself into my brain. I do have some questions regarding the story but please don't worry if you can't or won't!

1.) Are the Acts going to focus on something specifically? Is there a clear plot going on? An example could be like Act 1 focusing on Crow adjusting to their new life and then Act 2 being their victims or something else. I'm sorry if this was worded weirdly!!!

2.) Is Kate going to be a main part of the story or just someone who appears in one act? Is she going to put Crow into some trouble? Will Crow feel inclined to live up to her legacy or just feel indifferent?

3.) How are the others (proxy trio and occupants in the mansion) going to react to Crow now being part of the family? Is there going to be resentment towards them joining in? Are they going to be compared to Kate? (I'm not sure if I can ask this but doesn't hurt to try.)

4.) Is Crow going to retain their old personality or just be an empty husk that grows into their personality? Will they keep likes, dislikes or preferences? Or have to learn about their self all over again?

5.) Who are the love interests going to be? Is there going to be little or a lot? Will they come from beyond the Slender Mansion?

I think those are all the questions I have. Please feel free to not answer them if they are spoilers to Delusion or ruin the element of surprise you are planning!!!

I also have some hc's regarding Crow which I'm going to keep short.

1.) I like to think that Crow starts to collect shiny things or just starts to collect in general. Part of their namesake after all.

2.) From what I remember, crows are known to be super intelligent and remember the faces of those who are kind to them. They even give gifts to them. Id like to think that Crow remembers everyone. The ones who were kind, mean, etc. They won't leave gifts but maybe they show in subtle ways that they remember and appreciated it.

This is so long. I'm so sorry if this was super chunky but leaving long comments and asks is my love language to all my favorite authors. I hope you have a good day or night and take care!!!!

I am grabbing you gently by the face and looking you deeply in the eyes before planting a big messy kiss on your forehead!!! I am taking you by the hands and taking you to the aquarium!! We will go to the touch tank and giggle about the rays splashing us with water!!!

I was not expecting such a wonderful dissertation in my inbox! Your words mean so, so much to me. There's so much love and care I've put into Delirium and to see that others are able to get it is frankly, staggering. I'll be honest, I never expected the reception I've gotten on Delirium. Hoped for it, yes certainly! But it was like a pipe dream. Please lend me your ear for the ramble that I will now bestow upon you as a reward for your lovely, lovely words.

Crow was/is my best attempt at ambiguity because I, like you, did not like the heavily intended imprint that other authors put on reader-inserts. Power to them, of course, it's their sandbox-- but as a nonbinary person, The intense fem lean in so many of them really made me uncomfortable. Not to mention the explicit whiteness present in nearly all of them! I've been trying to lend an ear to the BIPOC parts of the fandoms I'm in and one thing that really stood out to me was the fact that many authors don't notice that the way they use descriptors implies that the reader is White. It's because they are White themselves, of course, but it really hit me that internal biases can come out in such subtle ways (is it a bias? Probably not the right word, but I'm more talking about the way one thinks about themself and how it translates into text, with a racial focus).

Then I made a friend who has Alopecia and is bald, or nearly so. And I realized that so many reader fics put emphasis on the presence of hair. This also ties into the BIPOC exclusion, because a lot of that description also implies that the hair is straight or wavy, not curly or coily.

So, I've tried my best to read about it and eliminate those unconscious descriptors from Delirium. I'm certain its not perfect-- most people have hair, for example, and with different textures, so it's hard to not mention hair at least once-- but I tried to give it the best I've got with a vagueness that could imply almost nearly everyone. 

It's harder with personality, with Crow's reactions to things, with the family set up, with the relationship with Cathy (I've gotten lots of comments regarding these); but as you said, no one likes a boring MC, and I'm okay with these things being picked over. They're integral parts of the story I'm writing, after all-- but what Crow looks like? That isn't.

(I'm open to constructive criticism, of course. The internal biases ingrained into us through the dominant culture are deep set and require constant maintenance and vigilance. Learning comes from both the self and others.)

Yes! Yes! The relationships are so important to me!! Gah! I've put these little guys in the spin cycle of my brain for so long!! At this point they have been so blorbo-fied that releasing them back into the wild will certainly lead to their death, so I keep them safe in their enclosures and make them get along :] -- Shades is the right word, by the way! Anyone not a Proxy is a Shade.

The ever-present tension and fighting is interesting, yes, because conflict is tasty-- but as you said, this does not bode well in a living situation. I've done quite a few instances of close living with others for periods of time (camping, mainly), and with many types of people. Some chill and some not. And despite the not-chill ones being there and causing problems, those problems didn't happen all the time. When a group is so big, there comes a point where the members get along because they have to. Social pressure does a lot, but the shared existence does as well. No one is bad or mean all the time.

Now, murderers 'employed' by otherwordly beings is a different barrel of fish, of course. But we treat our crack seriously here. How good is your 'business' of your 'employees' are constantly yelling and beating the shit out of each other in front of the 'customers'? This isn't a Waffle House. It's a respectable manslaughter establishment. This is a Waffle Home.

And here I burst into tears and blubber nonsensically on the floor-- hearing someone say they like my interpretation of the Proxy trio dynamic makes my week. My month. My year. My goddamn lifetime.

"In reality, they're just a bunch a mentally ill men who find solace and peace with each other"

You!! You get it!! You see it!! My tears could replace the ocean. With all they've been through, everything they've seen and experienced together, the horrors they go through every day-- in the end they have each other. They rely on each other. They trust each other. They bicker and banter and argue and fight and after that they put each other back together. They help each other hold their broken pieces. Their relationship is messy and brutal and harrowing and so, so good. Companionship blooms on the battlefield. Devotion flows out the trenches. Fealty coats their bullets. It fills their bunks. It keeps them warm against the icy cold.

Okay, enough weeping.

The scene with Ben was quite important, in my eyes-- from what I remember, there hadn't been any sort of scene with the Proxies and the other's in their Family interacting (Jason isn't part of their Family, to be clear). It's an important scene because it's stage dressing. It shows you what goes on, expands upon the fanon-atypical characterization. To bring back the 'business' metaphor-- the Proxies are like supervisors. They take orders from management (their Lord). They must, then, be at the very least cordial with the workers (Shades) to keep the business operating. In my world, in my interpretation, they're all in the same boat. They're all trying to make it to the end of their shift. They have to work together, they're a team. So, at this point, when everyone's been coworkers for so long, everything just kind of mellows out. They've had their disagreements and arguments, there's been grudges, etc. But everything's chill now.

At least until the new hire arrives. Now that's certain to stir things up :]

Responding to your Crow headcanons wayyyy at the bottom:

1. This is an excellent one because I love trinkets and it's such a fun way to tie into the name symbolically. This is going into the character sheet for sure.

2. Memory is a complicated subject here, but I will say this plays in nicely with what is to come :]

(I'm also always, always rabid for thoughts about my book and it's characters, so feel free to lay more headcanons on me!)

---

As always, I write way too much. Answers to your (wonderful) questions under the readmore:

1. Not weird! There is a clear, overarching plot that builds throughout the book; the 'Acts' are essentially the more minor plot arcs that the characters will go through, the kind that flows into each other and both builds on themselves and that bigger plot behind them. Your examples are quite similar to what I'm thinking! Act 1 will be about Crow adjusting to their new life, yes, but also other things. The other acts, well... You'll see ;]

2. If I say nothing, that's almost like saying something, isn't it? ;]]

3. Resentment, yes, as well as curiosity, anger, eagerness, bitterness, and much more. Some of these feelings will change for the better, some worse. Crow will most certainly be compared to Kate-- they're her replacement, after all. Some won't care about that, and other's will be incredibly hurt.

4. A little bit of both-- Crow will retain parts of themself, and have to relearn many others. Some things will never quite come back, and some new parts will come to light. Think of yourself as you were a year ago. Are you the same? What about five years ago? It's a similar thing if you ignore all the eldritch-bullshit going on.

5. This is a liiiiiitle harder to answer than the others (genuine rant/discussion incoming. Sorry):

 I've been thinking on this exact thing for a long while. I don't really... Have a firm grasp on what romance is or looks like. When I first started this project my goal was for Crow to get all romantical with the Proxy trio (Masky, Hoodie, and Toby) because I thought I wanted them to kiss me on my hot mouth. That was like, seven to eight years ago. Not saying I don't want to mack on em still! Just that my personal life journey has meandered along until I had to take a good, long look at the story and wonder what I wanted it all to say in the end.

There's a lot of hard, heavy topics in Delirium. There's gonna be a lot more in Delusion. We're talking about severely mentally ill serial killers and Lovecraftian horrorterrors here-- it's gonna get pretty ugly. And as I've been pulling together the plot and writing the characters and constructing the end, and thinking about my own life, I realized something.

Romantic love is always placed on a pedestal. It's considered the final destination, the top of the pyramid. It's what everyone wants, what everyone needs to feel complete. To be complete. To be fixed and healed. Not only that-- it's what you should want and need. It's what should fix and heal you. And if you don't-- if it doesn't-- something is terribly, terribly wrong with you.

At least, that's the current zeitgeist (the defining spirit or mood of a particular period of history as shown by the ideas and beliefs of the time, thanks internet). But that's not really true, is it? It isn't the reality for a lot of people. It isn't for me.

I may be philosophizing and queer theory-ing a little too hard over a Creepypasta reader-insert fanfiction, but it's what I feel. For many real people, and for these characters, romantic love won't save them. It can't. But does one need to be saved? Does one need to be 'fixed' or 'made complete', especially by love? Who says they are broken, or incomplete in the first place? Is that what I really want to say here? Not really.

So there was no romance in Delirium. And if you (I'm using the non-specific, all encompassing you here) are hoping that there will be some in Delusion, I'm not sorry to say there won't be. Not in my opinion, at least. Because, really, there's gonna be parts in Delusion that people can construe as romantic. It's not necessarily un-romantic-- there's gonna be kissing, hand holding, cuddling, sharing clothes, making food for one another, sharing interests, sharing secrets, entwining lives inseparably, etc. Some can argue that these are actions reserved for romantic partners-- but I do all of these things with my friends. Others in real life do as well. What delineates romantic love from platonic love? Sex? Certainly not. People have sex with strangers they'll never see again. Are they in love? Friends with benefits exist. Are they in love? Some married people, when they grow old, stop having sex. Are they no longer in love? Some people don't have sex until after being married. Do they not love each other? Some people date for several months or years before having sex. Were they not in love until then?

Or, more importantly-- did they not care for each other until sex was put in the equation? I think that's something that is-- incorrectly-- tied to sex. That one does not actually care, or trust, until they have sex.

Do you not share your food with your friends? Your secrets? Do you not spend time with your friends? Go out to eat with them, see movies, play games? Do you not share your interests with them? Your art? The vulnerable, fragile sides of you? 

A cat shows you its belly. A dog stares at you, pressed as close to you as possible. A lizard closes its eyes as you watch it. A deer lowers its head to graze. A snail gently rasps its radula against your skin. A caterpillar inches across your finger. A mouse cleans itself in front of you. A crow brings you gifts.

How is that not trust? How is that not care? How is that not love?

I think it's one of the fatal flaws of reader-insert fanfiction. Generally people expect romance with these things. How do I, exactly, essentially, 'advertise' that Delirium and Delusion are an insert fic without an x or /? The ampersand (&) has been making its way through the general ecosphere, but I don't know how well it translates. I don't want to falsely advertise, but at the same time I don't want to miss readers who may genuinely like it, who will read and be satisfied in the end even if there's no true romance.

So, to finish: there will be no love interests. But the original vision stands: Crow will have a deep relationship with Masky, Hoodie, and Toby. They will be close to others as well (that may be spoilers, so I'm keeping it vague).

Thank you, again, for your words. For taking the chance and reading my work. I hope to make Delusion live up to your expectations <3

[xx-cringe-factory-xx]

Hi! Its the DoH anon again!! And sick! thanks for the cool tag. recently (literally just tonight), i *may* have opened up to me being also a "prince of time" (i still have my qualms but honestly its a pretty cool classpect and somewhat fits, so am not complaining). so one of my other combined classpects could be the Overlord of Paradox (Prince of time + Page of Space). Can you analyse this one, please? Thank you as always! - DoH anon (who turns out to... not be so DoH, apparently) 🌌☀️⌛

LETS GO WE BOTH PARTIALLY PRINCES (im theif +prince also THEY'RE THE OPPOSITE ASPECTSLIKE ME (light+void) so cool) vmdsfsddv (also yeah so real and valid to realize you're different from what you originally thought you were)

------------Overlord of Paradox------------

one who is serves an aspect through destroying an aspect or destroys an aspect through serving an aspect

you litterally have the aspects/classes of some of the characters that are either loved or absolutely hated on in homestuck (dirk, Tavros, jake, jade, Dave, kanaya as ell as some others TwT)

woah sooo you have both of the big important aspects. time and space. like they litterally couldn't have a session with out you if they didn't have any other time of space players.so you likely have a lot of pressure put on you. which could obviously might push you to make quick decisions without having the time to put in enough thought which tbh makes sense for a prince.

a scheming page can get as bad as a thief if they have the wrong motives. you may feel isolated at times cause of you're space aspect and your prince class may make it feel like you're the only one who really sees the bigger picture. which honestly others probably struggle to understand why you do what you do. I recommend that you take a minute to evaluate you're possibilities and options before acting, but I do understand if that can be difficult sometimes.

pages tend to be really hopeful and want the best thing without fully understanding how to get their. but like with Tavros, you can get to that point if you work extra hard for it. be careful not to get stuck only focusing on bigger pictures and stuff. being a time player you'll try to get one step ahead and prolly fumble a bit. you'll believe other's will be against you in some way. you'll try to avoid getting attached to people and things. which you are prolly really good at.

also one thing princes and pages have in common is that they think they have to be better or at least something they aren't. and while pages are Great at keeping up that act princes are not. seeing you're a page of time you'll be great at pretending and avoiding getting attached and getting people to keep up with THEM instead of slowing down for others even if the NEED to slow down for their own mental/physical health. but seeing your a prince of space you might really try and expect people to not like you or to not understand you, but chances are they at the very least partially understand.

an overlord of paradox's powers would prolly be a bit simple but they could be VERY powerful if used right. things like the ability to teleport, make portals (or like some kind black hole type thingy basically it suck in things that get too close ig?) as well as the ability to slow or speed up time for specific people. maybe even be able to create whole new timelines or jump between them.

weapons are pretty simple, but prolly requiring a lot of skill though. Blades lots of Blades. doesn't even matter what size or kind. could be a javelin, a katana, a knife. as long as it has a sharp edge to it.

:3

[cosmousee]

Hello, saw that your free readings are open. I would like to ask one question

How will people see me and my future spouse as a couple?

Thank you so much

- 💛

Hello love!

I loved the question, it was very new for me and very refreshing. Thank you for asking🥰

So onto your reading~

I asked my Woodland Wardens deck first and this is what they gave!

The Ram and Dahlia: Determination

The Elk and Ash: Strength

The Coyote and Datura: Deceit

People perceive you two as somebody who are extremely determined towards each other. My heart has perfectly grasped the feeling, but my brain is having a hard time trying to get it out. You know, its like you guys are intentional about each other, determined towards each other, how perfectly committed. People see you and they see your love but more than that they can really see and feel how conciously you love each other. I feel like, you know how your body and spirit loves the significant other, but you two MINDFULLY and CONSCIOUSLY give that love and adoration. From an outsider perspective you two stand firmly on the ground but it's also clear how you've put in conscious effort to be with each other, in addition to the souls loving each other. It is such a fierce energy and I am honestly loving it. Another weird metaphor, its like, you know you breathe right, its pretty much involuntary, except when you realise that you're breathing and then your mind tells your lungs to breathe more, to get more oxygen, to get more life into your lungs. Thats how people see you towards each other.

And strength in light of this makes so much sense! People look at you and they see two people who are amazing pillars to each other, they look at you and they see how innately you become pillars for each other, its like a reflex on how you guys immediately support the other one. You don't even think, or blink. When one of you needs the other, you're just THERE!

However, and since this is a "People's view on the relationship", it is sort of human nature to project your unresolved issues onto other people as pointed out by The Coyote and Datura card which says deceit. I believe some people may project their own insecurities and feel that the above mentioned qualities are just a facade you have on for the public and in reality you are completely different. Which may lead to them completely ignoring the qualities altogether! I do hope that they just do this mental gymnastics in their own mind and do not come and bother you about this, if they do, please know that its their own head, okay? People are weird and they do weird things. You can put them in their place if you feel like, otherwise let them do what they're doing and just focus on yourselves🥰(psych major things coming up sorry!)

Okay onto tarot cards, I got:

Page of Wands, 6 of Wands and 4 of Cups

People adore you and your relationship! I think singles around you or you know, new couples in their honeymoon phases look at you both and they go "THIS is exactly how I want my relationship to be!" Looking at you might also might help the people in realizing that they also need somebody who's determined to love them, who's determined to stand by them. Again, human tendency to compare ourselves to other people, but its more of like you'll be providing hope to them that good and healthy relationships are out there! You'll also be celebrated by the people! This mostly gave me the vibe of a wedding (on this note, is anyone of you blonde, let me know if Im off the course here). But yeah, I saw a beautiful wedding celebration picture in my head, both of you were smiling so wide and literally it felt like everyone had put their all into celebrating you both!!

Thats all that I have for you! Let me know your thoughts!

Toodles~

[filamints]

gordon: 1, 10, 14. tommy: 20, 48. benrey: 36

this is so so so fucking LONG IM SORRY i just got excited to talk so now i wont shut up. it will be readmore'd to save ur dash

gordon:

1) What does their bedroom look like? Like a shithole, mostly. All his life, its always been too cluttered with junk in a haphazard stack of piles. If he lives in one place too long, eventually every inch of wall space gets coatings of posters and papers and sticky notes. Its overwhelming visual stimulus.

Take his tendency for all those behaviors, and mix them with post-canon agoraphobia and depression, and the stacks of magazines and games get stacks of garbage on top. Door dashed takeout containers pile up, endless empty bottles of beer and bottom shelf vodka, bags get stacked in towers by the door for when he get brave enough to leave his apartment to sprint to the dumpsters (not nearly often enough).

The apartment he's currently is was only supposed to be short term, off site housing set up by Black Mesa before the new compound dorm/apartments were finished and he could move there. He at least started with a pretty clean apartment fresh from that move, so most of the current mess is honestly just nesting in depression trash now that his next move has been obliterated off the face of the earth. The only thing different about his bedroom vs the rest of the house is that's the room with the bed in it, a box spring and mattress directly on the floor, the frame leaning against a wall behind unpacked boxes, never assembled. Pull yourself together, man. (This will happen eventually at least)

vv More below because all of my answers are this long. vv

10) Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such? CHRIST hes got brain problems. He has had ADHD all of his life of course. Hes also has anxiety & depression, look at him. Hes aware of those at least. The one hes not aware of, at least preResCas, is bipolar disorder. ADHD was an easy diagnosis as a kid, visible from the outside. The anxiety & depression troughs are what made him seek out meds in college. But it can be hard to see the bipolar cycles from the inside, especially with the neat and easy depression diagnosis right there obscuring half of it. He just thinks every time he hits his unstoppable stride that hes 100% over his shit and hes gonna get better and hes fucking unkillable untouchable unstoppable.

And then he falls off a fucking cliff and he can look back and beat himself to shit that he should have known better, this happens every time and this time the hell is just gonna last forever as punishment. Repeat for a good decade of his life.

Post canon, add that agoraphobia mentioned before here, as well as a good dose of PTSD. Between being tracked by the military, every time hes seen the fucking sky for the duration of canon he will shortly have bullets or missiles raining down on him, and general paranoia that he is still a wanted man, 'going outside' is just too much. (He even states in canon that he has ptsd from the grenades and even soda cans look too similar and freak him out lol) I feel like he would also be very anxious about the dark after Black Mesa. He had been sleeping in random rooms still brightly lit, and the dark was always bad news with the most heavily damaged sections of the compound + he got his hand literally cut off in the dark. He has to go pussy mode and sleep with lights on or nightlights at least and he will beat himself up about being a child for it endlessly. Speaking of that incident again, grabbing or restraining his right arm will also send him into a meltdown. This is a fun fact that he will learn about only in the most embarrassing bedroom meltdown over toy handcuffs.

14) Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.) And on the non-mental end, theres the hand. Although reattached to his body, its still not perfect. Most days its not too bad, a bit slower and less sensitive. But sometimes it acts up, pins and needles, weird aches, grip strength weakness, a kind of lag in input that leaves him dropping things or breaking them. Particularly at night, it tends to hurt. Touching the skin around and on the reattachment scar really skeeves him out for a long while, the location of physical touch doesn't quite map with where his brain thinks it should be, like his nerve map is slightly to the left of where it all should be.

tommy:

20) Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them? Not an illness persay but it did take quite a while for him to get the autism diagnosis. A lot of the symptoms that stand out at weird in boychilds get glossed over in girlchild, not speaking is just 'being shy', the tiptoe walk is just 'high heels walking', etc. Especially as a girlchild in the foster care system. It wasn't until like, late middle school that was figured out when the social aspects and meltdowns made paying attention to the symptoms inevitable, looking back it was Very Obvious.

48) How do they express love? Certainly not verbally, lol. If we are going by the typical love language categories, its more on the 'quality time' side. He's the type to like parallel play type activities. There's also gifts, but its food gifts 90% of the time. Very good at memorizing people's preferred orders at any given restaurant or coffee place and will pick you up your favorite treat. :)

benrey:

36) What makes them feel guilty? Not gonna lie, he's very hard to make feel guilty on account that he doesn't view most of what he does as either wrong or at least not his fault. I think it takes up until the boss battle for him to even get he did something wrong and feel bad about it. Because it was unintended, there really wasn't any guilt for him. I think to make him feel guilt, whatever he does would have to have a very visible and understandable detriment to someone he cares about, and if you want him to feel guilty without telling him why he SHOULD be, his involvement better be obvious.

It seems funny, but i think he would have a lot more genuine guilt over something simple and cause/effect like knocking over and breaking a glass or eating someone else's food in the communal fridge as opposed to something more abstract, like someone getting hurt as a consequence of something else that he did but genuinely thought was harmless.

[stormyoceans]

monica watches » the eighth sense

summary: ji hyun, a new student from a peaceful rural town, struggles to adjust to the bustling city life of seoul. one night, he meets jae won, who has just completed military service, and the attraction between them is palpable. when ji hyun joins the surf club to get closer to jae won, their relationship deepens.

details: BL, korean, 10 episodes, ~30/40 min each

content warning: talks about trauma and depression, transmisogyny

available on: Viki

what i liked:

chemistry levels so deranged they got walter white gagged

both jae won and ji hyun are incredibly complex and fascinating characters who go through enormous change and are wonderfully portrayed by im ji sub and oh jun taek respectively. the romance also felt organic and well developed, and i like how naturally they fell into it despite the bumps in the road

there's as much focus on the friendships as there is on the romance and i really like that jae won and ji hyun both get to have other important relationships outside of each other

the female characters in the show truly shine and are the hidden strength of the story: from yoon won to ae ri, from ji hyun's boss to jae won's therapist, all of them play a vital role in the main characters' lives while still having their own agency and personal struggles. even eun ji, as villainized as she is, feels more well rounded than the typical 'evil ex girlfriend'

probably one of the best depictions of mental health issues i’ve ever seen portrayed on television. they dealt with jae won’s trauma and depression with a lot of respect and care, showing that those are deep and complex issues that can actually affect you for years and that don’t just easily go away with some pills, but also that it is possible to work on them through therapy and to come out from those dark places. another thing i appreciated is that romance isn’t the magical solution that fixes it all, but the constant support ji hyun gives him is still shown as an important factor in jae won’s recovery and i think that’s really important  

while the show has an indie feeling to it, it's still a very high quality production and is also visually stunning, with great directing and cinematography. i particularly loved how in the last four episodes the lighting is used to show how ji hyun literally brings colors into jae won’s gray world  

what i disliked:

the casual transmisogyny played for laugh at the beginning of episode 8 was frankly unnecessary and completely out of place to say the least

i wish we could have had a little more insight and closure on jae won's home life. since the beginning of the show, constantly brought up by tae hyung and other characters, there's this looming father figure casting his shadow over jae won from behind the scenes, but we don't really get to see any kind of development (for better or worse) in that regard. i know that, much like with jae won's trauma, it's not something that can be fixed right away, but i still would have liked to know a bit more about it

i have some mixed feelings about the editing here and there: some of it is obviously a stylistic choice and is done intentionally to represent a certain kind of feeling or atmosphere (like in episode 6), but even then sometimes it felt a little bit too choppy and confusing to me

notes: it's definitely one of the best korean BLs out there, highly recommended!!!!

[linawritestwst]

Hi! I was hoping I could get a matchup?

My pronouns are she/her and as for appearances I am 5’2.5 with brown hair that's dyed purple underneath goes just above my shoulders it sorta resembles a wolfcut. My eyes are hazel. My style mainly consists of cargo pants, Doc Martens and some sort of Band shirt. Most my clothes have an army colour palette aswell dark green, blacks, light browns.

As for my personality it depends on who I'm around. Like 3 People who are energetic and really loud I'll tend to keep a more motherly role, but i think that's cause Im thinking of the consequences there actions could cause. But if I'm around people who are more mature in nature I'll be the loud and stupid one. I can make friends very easily though it you see a group of people at school its likely that I'll know or at least recognize one. Some girl I my class drew me once to become friends with me they said I looked cool, I've never felt more appreciated I bragged about it for months :) not in a mean way it's obvious I'm joking (within the break I took in between writing this I've befriended two 10-year olds) I like kids there very interesting. My humor is very dark and a little mean but I wouldn't make a joke if I know the person isn't okay with it

I don't really have a type when it comes to people I think if they can like me I can like them but I'd think I'd like someone who wouldn't judge me for everything and who can respect boundaries. I also tend to like people who are really passionate or striving for something. As for what I wouldn't want is somebody with to toooo much energy i mentally would not be able to keep up.

And my likes I am in love with music I was dead ass in the top 0.2 percent of Artic Monkey listeners this year I also enjoy sleeping because I can have really vivid dreams to the point were I feel like I've got 0 sleep. I'd say my main hobby is building things with instructions Lego sets in particular, I have a bunch of Starwars Legos in my window in fact when I was a kid we spent thousands on Lego for me the living room was full of them, eventually I even got my own room for them. Unfortunately we moved and now there all in boxes down stairs. Since Lego is expensive I tend to use this pack I found on Minecraft that you build a little city with. I also like video games not shooting ones I like stuff like genshin or stardew valley I was really into this detective game a while back but I finished it all 🥲

Sorry if this is a little messy :)

hi, don't worry, your request is perfectly fine!

the character that i think would be a good partner for you is..

lilia vanrouge!

i'll explain why i chose him:

okay, first of all, i think he would think your style is neat, haha. i think your relationship dynamic would be very interesting, since lilia is quite an energetic and cheerful person, however, he has a mature side as well, so it's like!! you can act in any way you want around him, it doesn't matter to him, he just likes your company :) also he thinks it's cute that you're good with kids he will definitely make jokes about you being silver's mom

this guy would never judge you, i don't think there is much a person can do to make him mad, unless they're like, you know, actually awful or they're his enemy. also he sure likes to surprise you with sudden hugs or kisses or simply appearing out of nowhere and going "hello there :)", but if you're not comfortable with it, sure, he will respect that! and yes, as i mentioned, he's a pretty energetic person, but if you just want to chill or do something more calm, he's more than okay with it. just spending time with you is enough for him.

HE'S LITERALLY IN A LIGHT MUSIC CLUB COME ON. he's also used to dealing with a certain person who's always sleepy, so you being a type to sleep a lot is not something new to him and he finds it cute too. and sure, he can be your gamer bf too <3 also i think he would be interested in trying and building something with you!! i just think it's an adorable concept, hehe.

[storm-driver]

ep 9 : my brother's keeper. fucking peak episode storywise, this is the kinda episode that you can watch years later and appreciate for just mentioning topics like mental health and personal struggles. im probably gonna talk the longest about this one

now does it do a fantastic job at showcasing those issues? debatably it's fine for the era. only in the past decade was the ongoing mental health crises truly getting acknowledged by the public eye. it's nice to see allusions to it in a cartoon, in a way that doesn't mock people directly for having these personal struggles.

of course, this is my perception. the actual episode only briefly mentions the topics of mental health and depression. but it doesn't shy away from saying bluntly that danny is depressed. caused by how poorly he's handling his new double life as a ghost. the fact that he does not feel safe opening up about it to anyone, it feels like a nod towards the idea that teenagers especially don't like to talk about the things that are giving them grief.

in danny's case, he's not saying he's a ghost because he's afraid his parents will tear him apart and dissect him, which is a literal survival scenario. but compare that to a child trying to talk to their own parents about anxiety or trauma, and fearing the backlash. the parallels are pretty clear.

spectra herself is a fantastic villain that i think serves her purpose so damn well. i know her gimmick with absorbing misery to maintain her youth is just a result of monster-of-the-week quotas, bc why would a ghost care about their physical body's appearance when they can just become a cool shadow thing idk

she LAYS into danny throughout this entire episode, starting off small with jabs before it turns into outright calling him a freak of nature. you can tell that shit gets to him too, when she asks him if he's a ghost or a human, and he can't even come up with an answer.

bertrand was also perfectly fine as the side villain for spectra, especially with how his little scuffles ramp up to show danny is learning how to actually use his powers to fight rather than just keeping them under control when he's human. at first, he gets his arm shredded because he didn't think to turn intangible. then he absolutely destroys private property in a convenience store because he's getting so heated about feeling inept. until he finally starts to use his powers to save himself by phasing through a tree that he's pinned against. it's good use of show-dont-tell, to just show him utilizing his powers properly to get the upper hand.

i haven't even mentioned how this show handled the sibling dynamic with jazz and danny, specifically for jazz to find out he's half-ghost without his awareness. the twist makes for some fun conversations later down the line. and it paints jazz in a fantastic light, showcasing her love and care for her little brother instead of the bickering sibling vibes a lot of shows went for back then. her concern for danny right after she came home and saw him barely eating anything. touching his shoulder and noticing he's injured still. she's quiet and observational, rather than putting danny into a confrontation and forcing him to spill his secret. she ensures that he can come to his sister when he's ready to, even if he's nowhere near ready right now.

it's fucking. it's good, dude. it's just good. this whole episode is good. especially with the shot at the end, showing danny just flying around in the peaceful night sky. at ease with his powers and content with what he's capable of. fuck, this episode is just GOOD.

yknow what I'm cataloging my feelings as i rewatch every danny phantom episode, here we go

[sungbeam]

BESTIE BAEEEEEEEEE

I’m back 🤭🤭🤭

Tbh its been a rough few weeks 💀 ALSO HELP HOW COME EVERY TIME I DISAPPEAR YOU WHIP OUT SO MANY SCRUMPDILIUMPTIOUS FICS LIKE??? Not that I’m complaining tho 😋😋

Firstly, Occupied… hmmm mhmnn yeahh lemme just say that your impulsive thoughts are so valid 😔🙏 buT J E S U S DID YOU HAVE TO PUT MY HEART IN THE CROSSFIRE- I think I had to stare at my ceiling for a bit afterwards cause like damn… I love my man🗿

Secondly, Rhapsody Anonymous… had my kicking my feet as per usual 🙄🙄 and tbh the fact that both parties were valid in their reasoning for not wanting to out each other and tbh I would also be struggling on deciding whether to spill my identity or not 😭😭 but it was saUR SITIEKR CUTE 😭 man I feel like I set myself up each time I read/re-read the love in unity series cause each time they just call me more and more single and alone 😔💔 BUT FRET NOT I WILL USE THIS AS MOTIVATION AND LECTURE NOTES ON HOW TO GET A GOOD MAN 😤‼️

ALSO OMG DID YOU WATCH BARBIE YET??? Ok I think I gotta calm down I’ve been using too many caps 💀 but Lip Gloss is so Barbie too and the MV is literally a bunch of Kens doing Beach and you can’t convince me otherwise 😤☝️

My personal ranking of the album would be:

1. Fantasize

2. Fire Eyes

3. Passion Fruit

4. Lip Gloss

5. Lighthouse

6. Fairy Tale

But I honestly love all of them and I’ve listened to the album non-stopppppp!

Also yesss I did watch the zeneration behind and tell my whyyyyy New and Kevin ATE 🫣

Also the newest lip gloss mv behind took me OUT esp Changmin wiping TF OUTTTT with the volleyball net like eye- 💀💀

Also just to sneak in a lil abt the pcs… you din’t want to see the Totoro pcs… TRUST 😨😨 not safe for my mental health at ALL

Ouuu also my turn!

1. My fav bread would have to be seed bread! Not like, multigrain bread and idk if the right name is seed bread but it’s just in the name it’s bread made with a bunch of seeds mixed in 😭😭

2. My quirky snow app filter pics… oooooohhhh I hope those never see the light of day again 💀

3. No. 🗿

(But also just like you said, I’m patient but I’m also getting a lil bit impatient at the same time 😔)

4. The Robinson’s kid from meet the Robinsons…. Also Diego,,, and the Kratts broth-*gets shot*

Oh and maybe a few more questions!

1. Are you a tea person or a coffee person? What’s your fav drink?

2. Do you have a sweet tooth? If so, what’s your fav pastry?

3. If you could recommend any MUST HAVE food from your culture, what would it be?

(Can you tell that I’m craving a midnight snack rn 💀)

Oh also! I finally decided to start of my getting-back-into-reading journey with reading a book that has intrigued me and has been floating around a lot, Bunny by Mona Awad! I’ll let you know how it goes in a lil solo book club way 🫡

“I don’t know what they’re called, the spaces between seconds— but I think of you always in those intervals.” (Salvador Plascencia)

- Smooches + Smooches, 🌷 anon

omgg hi bestie 🤧🤧 what's been rough for u 😔 have u started school yet ☹️💔 im like,,, not ready to go back to uni, i wanna be a professional couch potato pls and thanks 😔

LOL pls (´Д⊂ヽ occupied was such a spur of the moment thing 💀 literally was going through MAJOR eric sohn brainrot and just had to get my thoughts down before i Combusted. bro... stared at my ceiling for a good while trying to find the perfect pics for that banner 😭 why's he gotta look that yummy 😭

aknfksnfkdkdk glad u liked rhaps anon bffie !!! bro frfr like this series is just me PROJECTING 💔💔💔 im projecting so VIOLENTLY it's embARRassing 💀 omg low-key i just remembered i pretty much based sunwoo's anonymous situation w how tumblr anons work 😭😭 but yeah for sure, i would also be kind of panicking over secret identities skfnkdnf

OMG I DID WATCH BARBIE I WATCHED IT ON PREMIERE NIGHT AND GOT GLAMMED UP !!! ur sooooooo so right omG??? lip gloss really is just a bunch of Kens doing Beach 😭😭 they're all Kenough for me tbh skcbsjnf but ugh omg im like obsessed w kevins little kick in the beginning of the choreo, and eric's one other jump thing, and chanhee's red light green light skfnkenfkdnfj such a good mv w so much fic potential tbh !!

hmmmm i haven't been listening to it as obsessively as i did be awake tbh 😭 maybe i'm just tired of summer songs 💔 but i would have to say i liked fantasize, fairytale, and fire eyes the most!! the whole album is a bop tho i do agree 🤸‍♀️😋

OH MY GOSH DO U MEAN NYUKEV ON THE STRIPPER POLES WKFNKENFKDNF HELP I SAW THAT CHANGMIN CLIP TOO 💀💀 I LAUGHED SO HARD IM SORRY CHANGMIN DONT HURT ME— omg but they were filming a variety show too and changmin lost a game and abused his gopro 😭😭😭 i felt so bad for that camera, but also low-key....... can that be me...

VRO I ALREADY SAW THE TOTORO ONES AKDNKSNFJD i was debating getting the album or joining a go for those special pcs but i ended up not doing it 😔

LMAO IM SORRY but when i saw seed bread, i just immediately thought of birds 😭😭 unrelated but i got a birb plush from daiso a couple days ago and i named him clyde 😎😎 THE SNOW FILTER APP SJFJKSJDJD I FEKT THAT DW 😭 OMG DIEGO UR SO RIGHT !!! (゜-゜) like sorry dora, ur cousin is much more entertaining ksnfkend

OMGGG i really need to start reading again 😭 it's awful how i can't even pick up a book anymore it's so embarrassing being an english major like this 💔 BUT YES PLS LMK HOW U LIKE IT o7

"& how many times have you loved me without my asking? how often have i loved a thing because you loved it? including me." - D. Smith, acknowledgements

— i love love loved you, and i'll love you all over again too 💖

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

cont

he was still talking about " what else is going on" " what else can we get into" and i'm feeling disappointed bc im thinking like, was going to the beach with my son and i not enough for you and you need more excitement and thinking that this is the same mentality that had him seeking out other women and going to bars and meeting up with them in the middle of the night and hanging out with richelle at a bar during our long homebody streaks.

anyway i wanted to blog to let myself know that i did miss him, his company and i missed having somebody and i guess my therapist was right when she said i am not scared of being in love, just scared of being hurt. because it's obvious my heart is still loving, and it still wants to love him when we hang out, when we live in the moment together and when he is next to me, i still see some of the magic i saw in him when i was still blind. sometimes i wish i could go back to being the person i was when i was blind, but thinking of my ignorance also hurts because i think of the women who knew i was being played and how they must have pitied me for being with such a bad man.

and i also see that my heart wants to love anyone that is kind to me, i thought i had enough of max too when i was leaving atlanta but when i got back i just missed so much being in that hotel room with him and thinking of how he just let me have the reigns in his city and even though there was so much more we wanted to see and do but we didn't but that was because he was ok with just going with the flow with me and seeing where our adventure takes us and it did take us to some places that were like a fairy tale to me and i swear i was completely enchanted by atlanta by the time the trip was over. but anyway i know max is emotionally unavailable and i know i could never see myself with him and he also shows traits of richard/arson/korean david and i know he is another man that needs a lot of work but because he was so nice to me and like i told him i dont think he knows how much he and atlanta healed me but i appreciate him so much he really did make me feel like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. after feeling so insecure, shitty, overweight and disgusted with richard, myself, his women and just been here in az dealing it with him, going back and forth with him. but then i take a random ass trip to atlanta just bc this guy i hung out with a handful of times 5 years ago invited me and i agree and days leading up to the trip im nervous af to see max, scared as hell because i have not flown in literally years maybe a decade and almost cancelled because i was worried what my parents and most importantly what richard would think. but i took the chance and made the leap and i swear i came out a different person on the other side. the first thing max said to me when he came to pick me up from the airport was that i looked good and that was just the first of many compliments i received that memorial day weekend. and after having to tell richard that a girl needs compliments, and after changing up my entire makeup routine and wardrobe after being cheated on because i felt so out of my element and like i am undesireable. and having to explain to richard why what he did has scarred me mentally and emotionally and possibly cause a whole body dispora that i dont think he would begin to understnad what that means. mr max just complimented just because in atlanta. he made me feel like a damaged exiled princess in a new land where she can find happiness again.

anyway when i had time away from richard i get over him, i make progress and when we spend time together then i relapse and i rememebr something my therapist asked me "after atlanta how are things with you and richard? are you still getting pulled in?" and i said No. confidently although she didnt know he was at my house but i felt like i was over him and done with him, and california didn't pull me back to him but spending time at my house and in my room for like 10 days definitely did and i didn't know it was going to do that because i thought i was sure of my feelings or i was confident in how far i have come i guess and now i know i have cause a reset and i rememebr not wanting a reset with him before san fran when my uncle asked me if he was coming and i thought to myself i didnt want him to go because i didnt want to reset. anyways i think the thing about the reset is that i FORGET that my feelings get involved too and i think i was aware of the emotions part before but because atlanta has given me somewhat of a memory wipe i had forgotten about the emotional aspect. so now i know that i am definitely still healing from richard, my feelings are still there and i definitely still want someone to love and to have company because i definitely enjoyed it when i had it with him this past week. and i remember thinking one day/night that i kind of wish we could go back to our original plans. but those thoughts also make me sad so fuck it all still i guess.

idk this post just took a whole ass turn, maybe i will post more tomorrow because it's 1:30 and i'm tired and idk what i want to say anymore

[coming-of-age-witch]

yooooooooo

i studied today in the morning (sudden motivation ikyk)

the lack of emoji-use in my replies makes it look so thesis-ish but thats good for eye concentration (telling this to myself)

pata h, once i wrote 3 paged answer for a 3 marks literature question (the skill of stopping and ending articulately when required is lacked.) and got 0 because of is length, that was traumatic, that is traumatic (atleast i flaunted my then- recently gained- english skills)

oh i see how your ability to observe people made you go so deep through that guy, that even though he left you could see his potential, his ability to succeed, his lost glory ah, thats wonderfully tragic. broooo i'm bit crooked emotional too, like i just feel bad for anyone that goes through stuffs. and you know the most unfortunate thing is, is when you play news and like 9/10 of the topics are of things done to woman, like thats infuriarating and not just that sometimes just thinking of the pain the family members go through is just- scary.

that guy's incident was just a month ago?? so the wounds are afresh, i really hate when people say that those who take their life are cowards, like they aren't cowards, they battled all so much they could've battled all so more too, they didn't see the string of light or were unable to visualize the end of the tunnel from their depth of darkness (like its so subjective, how can people generalize it to cowardice)

i just hope he becomes a good memory of yours, the sooner it is, the less dreadful will be his passing away

****

I AM GONNA NOTE ALL THOSE TIPS YOU JUST DROPPED, LIKE

YOU ARE MY MENTOR

i mentione dthings that even i didnt bother to notice it, slayyyyy ALSO YOU'RE SO RIGHT sometimes you know it when you see something that the person itself hasn't noticed it, and if you tell that person, depending upon how close you are, there are 2 reactions, them feeling special and acknowledged or.....creeped out. in those complexified murder case dramas and books, one thing i've seen surely is how the criminal has a certain sense of oddity in them, it depends on the eyes that are looking for the criminal and how fast the eyes can latch onto the hints, because there are always hints, always, some so surfacial and some hidden in the bedrocks of the earth (ok i detracted so baaaaad) (ehehehe) (but you know i loooove psychological books) (i literally read them to give myself the thrill and see how different minds (of the detective and the criminal) work, llike its training myself in the basic ethics, although im not growing up to go anywhere in police, if i were to find myself in such a situation- ever-)SO YEAH AL THOSE READING BETWEEN THE LINES THAT OUVE MENTIONED ARE TOP NOTCH , i assume its a perfect part-time hobby isn't it

shhhhhoooould i speak more about the tall guy?? (im gonna start and i wont assure you where it ends) (BECAUSE HE APPEARED IN MY DREAMS.)

ok so you see ive had many crushes before . i have this verrryyyy verrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyy unsaid unspoken untold desire (peepeeepooopooo) to experience teenage love , like not those instagrammified once, i have the simplest desires- holding hands if ever possible and consented and if the other person is okay with it, and idk- honestly- talking ??? (i really dont know what to expect), but brooo ive seen a classmate of mine have a fairytale-ish trope with her crush, basically she liked him first, he dgaf, she made themoves, somehow it worked and they started dating, but it was non-existent , she told me he never replied to her texts, they barely talked, she used to give him cute notes, there were any replies to it, he didnt show any sort of response to her overjoyed giddy self. then. she felt her mom got to know about it (indian parent classic) and scared she was, she told him they can't continue. i think atp bro went through a mental metamorphosis because after this sudden request to break up, he changed, and like he's responsive, they talk alot during recess and afterschool, hold hands, she gives him notes and while he doesnt respond, its a well known fact that he has a keep for them (THE BEST PART IS THEY KEEP IT SO LOWKEY) (like, its just so normal, none of them are bloody possessives or cocky about it) (to me they seem like normal teens enjoying their peek teen love through a little rose tinted glass, while being aware that the glass is rose tinted)

IRDK WHY I TOLD YOU THIS STORY but like, i want something like this, they're so cute, and i wish them all good health. i want something like this, but like it never happens to me, i am not comparing myself but he didnt like her at first and slowly fell??? ajskdhsjks. i've had this one guy , who was my arch academic nemesis in middle school (in one year, he had higher grades than me, and i disliked him so much that i started like him, and NOW ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND EVEN RANDOM PEOPLE KNOW HOW BADLY I LIKE HIM) like i've liked him since 6th grade and now its 9th, that makes it 3 effing years. im tired of liking him, i could care less if he's in my class, but whenver i see him i get a sudden boom of joy and at the end of the day he's like my defaulted crush. but bro, i think ive made it so clear to him i like him (or i didnt idk but there were certainc ircumstances for sure) , this exam he got more marks than me ( :(sed ) . idk ive heard once he liked some girls, but for my own sanity and delusions <3 , never paid much heed to it. also it seems he's recently getting aware of all kinds of crush stuffs BUT THE TALL GUY, he knows it (all his bsfs are into it, well except him)

idk what to do with this crush on the tall guy, i dont want to tell my irl friends for some reason (they alr know how easily i fall for guys, idk why i'm not telling them, perhaps i do know, and perhaps its because i want them to think i no longer have any crush on anyone, for a timebeing that'll feel good) also like i have had 4 proper crushes (the 1st one is that middle school smart guy who i just told about, i interact with him almost daily because well altho he;s not in my section, he comes to my section early morning )

-CRINGE ALERT- -CRINGE ALERT-

, there was another one, this crush, this was the first time the idea of "dating" was put in my head (by a friend of mine) and DO YOU KNOW HOW GULLIBLE I AM??? like for a second i actually had a thought about having a boyfriend?? like i didnt' even like this guy ok (calling him riri from now). this same friend of mine (he's my bestfriend, lets call him sid) sat with riri and sits with riri, and just once i told him riri looks good, and in midst of their whatever convo sid told him that i said he looks good, and then urged him to date me, and during that particular time (this year, middle of may i think) i was crush-less (my crush on that middle school smart kid goes away from time to time, intervals you see) and he urged me to date too, and last year me and sid and riri were in the same sections, me and riri didnt interact much but he didnt seem bad to me. but like after all those urging, one day he said to one of my friends (jokingly or not) something, which was darn ass rudeeee and like i lost all of my wishes then and then (later there came many instance of riri being a jerk ass)

this riri one was so sudden it scared me. basically, i dont think my luck will work out right , because for a second i just felt that gleeful teeny cheeky giddy happiness you know?? it all went down tho. this tall guy is fun okay, ive made my share of observations on him and i'll keep observing him because as i said i dont intend to do anything, i dont want to face a stupid realization again (that i was just goofed up and that the idea is shitty)(like i am balancing my studies well and good, it isn't going terrible, can't i have a little bit of those stuffs?) we have a mutual friend , and one thing ik is that , that guy is good and FUNN and he'll prolly tell me wholesome things about tall guy (but they're almost like bestfriends so erm---) idk what i am expected or what i want even. i am just so confused. he's good in studies, so am i, he gives speeches, so do i, we spent a whole month prepping a project and had so much fun, idk idk idkkkkkkkkk , like its so good for now, idk want to do anything that turns the fun off, but i have the slightest of feeling that (can't put it into words, too cringe, help). those fun adventures of having a crush are creeping on me, pushing me to accept that i like him and like do think about him but ermmmmmm im hesistant, past experiences were just dull)

LOOK I TOLD YOU I WOULDN'T STOP IF I START SPEAKING, SOME DAYS IM JUST A TAD BIT EXTREMLY EMO ABOUT THE STUPIDEEEST STUFF LIKE IT WONT EVEN MATTER TMR WHEN I WOKE UP BUT FOR NOW ILL JUST THINK ABOUT IT , ALSO WHEN I WOKE UP FROM THE DREAM I HAD OF TALL GUY , MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS -IM GONNA TELL BROKOALA- (yes i'll call you brokoala, sounds a fine name to me) andddd look i said to you everything apart from that dream ehehehehehehe

i'll go take a break cause i really infodumped you with the MOST UNNCESSARY shittalks , i am so sorry i went about talking about myself , THIS HAPPENS WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS TAD BIT INTEREST IN TOPICS THAT IM USUALLY RELUCTANT TO SPEAK DIRECTLY ON LIKEEE help. i like having these goody giddy moments sometimes, and i just got hyped up todayyyyy

*****

back from the break like a boogeyman (idk what a boogeyman is) (idk what this means)

you know in that last paragraph where you talked about insecurities, i swear that part where you told about invisibilizing oneself I'LL GET IT NOTED DOWN ( i have a journal with advices i find from wise stranger-turned-friends and thats perfect for it) LIKE ITS SOMETHING I NEEDED TO HEAR, you put it into words so perfectly, i adore you, you're wise, pls share wisdom, ehehehehhe. they're telling you about laugh???? yoooo- laughter, in accordance to my belief, is the prettiest part of a person, so unique so individualistic and so unintended , like you kno you can guess when someones faking their laughter (which is sad because they're attempting to sound themshelves or like to appeal others- but i understand) , laughter adds onto character of a person, I LIKE YOUR PERSONALITY, that stance you took to keep your laugh unfiltered is so stronggg, i admire you for that okayy, like you handled all those comments and stood up for what was and will always be yours??? its brilliantttt. "as long as their annoyance doesnt make sense" like- real so real, some people be complaining for the sake of complaining, its not like your laughter is giving them brain tumor or stuffs. YOU KNOW IM GONNA RE-READ THAT LAST PARAGRAPH OF YOURS SO SO MANY TIMES, because????? every part of it, every effing part of it is so authentic and i just, i cant express how impactful that is. the fact that you told everything we do will effect people r,l & c. and its not selfishness to keep fixed like- that made me think okay, i love youuu

yk i go to school with my hair oiled a day a week or 2 days a week, i really dont care about how i look, but sometimes i do, and a girl last year kept asking why i put oil (like repeatedly, after telling hr so many times she'd keep asking), and while it didn't have an immediate effect on me, i got kinda tired and started getting those -look-wise- concern (now i dont take shit from someone who isnt even my friend but i swear i dislike her so much) since i'll be putting oil either way, might as well focus on making myself look good with it (i wear less oil nowadays tho- aftermath ig) THINKING OF THAT PARAGRAPH MADE ME THINK ABOUT THIS THING I JUST TOLD LIKE WOW, ONLY IF I KNEW IT EARLIER honestly its not late, i loved that adviceeee ahhhh

sidenote : i talked less about that friend of yours because like if you still feel gloomy about him, it'll go gloomier. and i see how you share an emotional depth with him, he's no longer there, so there's no receiver on the other end. this is like a scene when the caller dials up a deadtone. this shattering incident of that guy just enhanced your skill of feeling deeply, like sometimes do you go back to your memories and feel a hollow warmth? i mean with all that you told me about him, and how differently you perceive him, i know you see so much more ,its hauntingly incredible. you can't help him anymore, or your thoughts wont reach him but like maybe among the stars he'd feel good realizing all along someone saw his true uncut self, the potential that perhaps wasn't visible to him, someone willing to help out of what drained and perished him, it'd make him happy and seen. and it'd be good if he soon becomes a healthy comic relief, his presence will still be in around you, in a way thats not gloomy ig

(also , my humor is pretty questionable and troublesome too, no worries , the more you get to know me, the more cricket noises you here in your daily life) (its not a metaphor, its me asserting my presence)

i spoke aloooot ik ik ik

also like, ik that part where i talked about my little floofy wish is cringe, and trust me i dont talk that irl apart from my bestfriends, i physically can't talk about it, its embarassing ik. but online we're all in our unseen selves and idk it takes 1 (one) matchstick to ignite a nice bonfire so like , that part, is a beautiful representation of how dumb i can get, forgive me m'kay, tall guy will prolly go into my list of highschool crushes who gave me entertainment for a time being

i thinkni am attracted to people who have such grandiosity in their range of knowledge and just smart in general, such an admirable trait